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Anyway, some crazy stuff happened over the last three years. I moved a couple times, got a cat, protested a bunch, started a writing club, spent a night in jail, got COVID, finished a DnD campaign, and some other stuff too that I'm probably forgetting.

I'm not entirely sure yet what I want to do with this blog now that I'm on it again, but I hope I can keep writing fun stuff that makes people happy.

#nonmonster #i say something

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Am I back after not posting a single thing in 3ish years? Mayhaps....

#nonmonster #i say something

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Sorry for not being super active recently. Work's been crazy with this whole coronavirus thing, my car is about to drop dead on me, and I've just been feeling rly exhausted all the time. Blech. But, I'm hoping to get dragons wrapped up this weekend and knock demons out by Monday. Decided to do something a bit different for them since, due to their shitty nature, they'd all likely get a 1/10. I'm just gonna be hedonistic as hell and rate em on how fun they'd be to bone, sue me.

#delete later #non monster #i say something

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D is for Dragon: Gold Dragon

In the shadow of a cloud topped mountain range a lost child was about to die. They had wandered away from their family's camp to search for berries and had become hopelessly lost. Now thirsty and delirious, all they could do was weep. "Now, now, little one." A soft voice said. The child opened their eyes and saw an old man in yellow robes before him. "Let's get you home. Here drink this." The child drank gleefully from the skin full of fresh water at the man's side. Off they set through passes and trails for what seemed like hours. Before long, the child could see smoke from a nearby camp and ran towards it crying for their mother, father, and siblings. They all rushed to meet and embraced, tears of relief and joy streaming down their faces. The child turned back to thank the stranger, but they were gone. Only a faint glimmer of gold could be seen flying away in the distance.

Gold Dragons are the most lawful and the most dedicated to rooting out evil while defending the weak. A Gold Dragon usually prefers to take the form of an easily approachable humanoid when they commit good deeds, this way their true form is not realized. They take pleasure in knowing lives have been saved, and don't need the recognition. They can be a bit haughty about their morals, but it comes from a place of love rather than vanity. Gold Dragons are also the most likely of the Metallic Dragons to kill a creature they deem unrepentantly evil, but will only do this as a last resort.

Gold Dragons enjoy fine pieces of art, and their lairs are considered to be well guarded and defended museums. These lairs will often be kept in a place the dragon deems aesthetically pleasing. Gold Dragons also distinguish themselves by their unusual parenting methods. When a baby Gold Dragon is deemed old enough it is often sent to live with a humanoid family for a number of years. This is to instill a sense of humility and understanding into the Gold Wyrmling at a young age. Areas near a powerful Gold Dragon will be surrounded by an opelescent fog that warms good creatures of danger and tries to frighten evil ones away.

Pros

Literally the goodest bois

Committed to leading by example and bettering the lives of others

Humble, for a dragon

Gorgeous gold coloration

Cons

Really, REALLY devoted to the rooting out evil thing. Might be a distraction

Can be a bit doom and gloom from time to time

Monster Rating

I'm going to give the Gold Dragon a 9/10. They seem like amazing creatures to behold, and despite their minor flaws I couldn't recommend getting to know one of these lawbringers enough!

Up Next!

Shapeshifting Silver Dragons!

#exophilia #monster manual #monster boyfriend #monster girlfriend #dnd #dragon #gold dragon

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D is for Dragon: Copper Dragon

Transporting materials to and from the remote mining towns in the Hudbex Hills was long and dangerous work. Roads have to move with the terrain and that means plenty of curves and narrows where an ambush can be set. Today a small caravan was moving through a set of these narrow cliff faces when a great cascade of rock began to pulverize its way towards the wagons. The oxen and men both cried out in terror, waiting any monent for the end to come. Just as the first boulders came within striking distance they all simultaneously exploded into a cloud of red dust, showering down upon the panicked travelers. From high up on a near hill the group could hear a deep mirthful laughter. On the rock face to their left was a carving of a smiling dragon.

Copper Dragons are the pranksters of the draconic world. There's nothing they enjoy more than making themselves or others laugh. They value jokes, puns, riddles, and quick wit; those who can impress a Copper Dragon with any of these will gain a lifelong friend. Copper Dragons prefer to keep their noses out of other beings businesses, but hate bullies and will humilate them with their tricks and illusions to bring them down a peg. Even when attacked, a Copper Dragon would rather blast the aggressor with is breath weapon, a gas that causes the bodies movement's to slow dramatically, and sit back to enjoy the slapstick.

Though they are inherently mischievous, a Copper Dragon's pranks are never cruel or harmful. These dragons layer in hilly or rocky areas where they can lair in a hard to find cavern, usually protected by a magical riddle of some sort. Inside the dragon's lair, intruders will find themselves trapped in a labyrinth that seems to constantly loop in on itself no matter the course of action taken. Areas with a powerful Copper Dragon living in them will see the animals aiding in the dragon's schemes and smiling visages of the dragon carved into rock walls.

Pros

Excellent sense of humor. Will always make you laugh

Can talk to animals

Exceedingly clever

Gorgeous coloration

Cons

ALWAYS joking

Can get a little huffy if you don't laugh with it

Monster Rating

I give the Copper Dragon a 7/10. These guys mean well and aren't evil by any stretch of the imagination, but I'd my lying if i said they don't sound kinda annoying. If you really value humor though, go seek out a Copper!

Up Next

The favorite of Bahamut, the Gold Dragon!

#exophilia #monster manual #monster boyfriend #monster girlfriend #dnd #dragon #copper dragon

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D is for Dragon: Brass Dragon!

A loud resonating horn signaled the charge or the warlord's forces towards the sleepy coastal village. The townsfolk could do little to prepare they were horribly outmanned and only had harpoons or the rare short sword to defend themselves with, it seemed their destruction was eminent. Just before the hoarde could reach the outer gate a huge shape exploded out of the churning surf and volted into the sky; towards the encroaching forces. The dragon breathed deep and spewed forth a gas that smelled so horrendous that man and mount alike turned back to escape the stench. Despite his demands to press forward, the warlord's forces had been thoroughly repelled. The great dragon landed before him and snatched him up in it's claws and carried him far away into the horizon.

Bronze Dragons are inherently good and believe strongly in ideals of justice and peacekeeping. They make it their life's mission to root out and banish evil wherever it happens to rear its head. They will often shapeship into humanoid forms and gather information on potential allies and enemies before making a move. In battle, a Bronze Dragon prefers to let it's presence and breath weapon, a cloud of horrible smelling gas, do the work for them. The acrid smell along with the prospect of fighting a dragon sends most evil doers fleeing.

For especially deadly or sinister threats a Bronze will attempt to incapacitate and isolate them, only killing them as a last resort. Many wayward sailors have accidentally stumbled upon deserted islands home to evil entities banished there by a well meaning Bronze.

Bronze Dragons love the ocean and coast and will lair in underwater caves with small family units. These dragons mate for life and will happily allow their offspring or other friendly dragons to share their lairs. On rare occasions these groups of dragons will take a human form and join parties or festivals in coastal towns. Shores harboring an ancient Bronze Dragon will have massive biodiversity, colorful coral reefs, and weather that can change depending on the dragon's mood.

Pros

Always try to do the right thing

Can take a humanoid form

Very social and love to have fun

Seaside livin 24/7

Cons

A little smelly? Cause of the breath

Seem a tad hollier than thou

Monster Rating

I give the Bronze Dragon an 8/10. They seem like really really awesome creatures to be around, and im a huge fan of their coloration. I do get a bit of a moral crusader vibe from them, which could get a little old after a few millenia. Otherwise, def try to make friends with one of these guys.

Up Next

The meme lord of Dragons, the Copper Dragon!

#exophilia #monster manual #monster boyfriend #monster girlfriend #dnd #dragon #bronze dragon

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Why would someone think that the plain doll is not a monster? She’s got porcelain skin with no bones, muscles, organs, or anything to speak of inside her save the blood of the great ones, was born with a fully matured transcendent consciousness (great ones either needed to transcend (pale moon presence) or mature (Mergo) and never had both right away), and cried crystal tears. She just gots a human look. I mean, C’mon! She’s less human than a doppelgänger and *that* is a monster!

I 100% agree with you anon. The Doll is definitely on some next level Lovecraftian shit. I could just see some folks arguing that she's not physically monstrous enough. For me though, I love that eldritch entity.

#answered #bloodborne #nonmonster #thanks for the ask

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D is for Dragon: Brass Dragon!

The bandit drew his blade and prepared to enter the woman's tent. Quiet as a mouse he crept over the rocky ground to the flap. "You know its quite rude to disturb a sleeping lady." Boomed a voice behind him. Suddenly he felt himself drifting off and hit the ground. When he came to he was buried up to his neck in sand, and before him sat a great dragon, glistening in the moonlight. "Ah, you're finally awake. Now, I thought it pertinent that we take some time and discuss the 6 Edicts of Etiquette. What say you?" It said, a playful smile dancing on its lips.

Brass Dragons are the smallest and most down to earth of the metallic dragons. In fact, if you don't approach it, it's likely to approach you! The Brass Dragon loves conversation, debate, and discussion and will go to any length to engage in this past time. They abhor fighting and would much rather use their sleeping gas breath weapon to incapacitate foes, though if truly in danger they can also blast foes with a line of fire. 

A Brass Dragon prefers warm and arid environments, which can put it into conflict with Blue Dragons who find the Brass highly irritating. They make their lairs on high cliff sides with many bolt holes in them allowing easy access for the dragon to dash in and out of. There’s usually a gallery for artwork collected by the dragon, a sleeping chamber, and of course a grand conversation lounge. Areas with particularly powerful Brass Dragons living there will have paths appear in the sand leading lost travelers to shelter or water and away from the dragon’s lair.

Pros

Can easily and always hold a fun conversation

Very kind

Pacifistic

Good sense of culture and art

Cons

Probably never shuts up

Monster Rating

I’m going to give the Brass Dragon a 9/10. I really enjoy these guys and their attitude towards the world and towards others. I think if I was a dragon I would absolutely be a Brass Dragon, hey maybe some day I’ll make an self insert OC!

Up Next

Seaside seekers of justice, the Bronze Dragon!

#exophilia #dragon #monster manual #monster love #dnd #brass dragon

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A Close Encounter with a Plain Doll

I've been thinking about Bloodborne a lot recently. It's one of my favorite games I've ever played and the Plain Doll is an absolute queen of my heart.  Also, I know some of you may not consider the Doll a monster per say, but shoosh, my blog. I write what I want. I was also gonna make this very lewd, but decided to save it for another part because writing detailed non-gendered sex scenes makes me want to put my face in a waffle iron.

Pale moonlight bathed the rows of graves that crisscrossed the Hunter’s Dream; illuminating the fields of flowers beyond the wrought iron gate. A slight wind carried their white petal over the cobblestone pathway leading to the workshop and past the Doll. The breeze displaced several strands of her well kept silver hair, and without thinking, she combed them back into place. The Hunter had not returned in many hours, and the Doll found herself feeling something she had not experienced in many nights. She pulled her shawl closer around herself and thought how silly it was. She was a doll and dolls don’t feel the cold. What then was this unpleasant sensation in her gut?

Before she could ponder this for long a column of fog rose from the ground in the center of the path. The sensation left her and was replaced by one of warmth. That’s what she thought it was, that feeling she had whenever the Hunter returned to her. They approached her, cloak billowing in the wind and their bloodstained weapon at their side. “Welcome home, good Hunter. What is it you desire.” Their eyes locked and the doll felt the warmth in her chest rise, had she any blood in her veins she would be blushing. 

The Hunter put their tools away and reached into one of the pockets lining their outfit and pulled something from it, delicately wrapped in paper. They handed it to her and instinctively she opened peeled the paper back and gasped. There was a small hair ornament of simple silver design and set in the center a black stone. For a moment the doll was speechless, unsure of how to respond. “ What... what is this? I-I can't remember, not a thing, only... I feel... A yearning... something I've never felt before... What's happening to me? Ahh... Tell me hunter, could this be joy? Ahh... “ 

The Hunter seemed pleased with her response and turned to leave for the waking world once more, and the warmth inside her swiftly turned to that gnawing fear. She reached out to try and touch them to say something, but the words would not come. As the Hunter vanished in a swirl of fog a single tear-like stone slid from the Doll’s cheek and onto the hard ground.

Hours passed and the Doll sat in silence. Above her she could hear the old man murmuring in his sleep as he often did, she would see to him later. For now, she was too preoccupied in her own thoughts. She turned the ornament over again and again in her hands. Why? Why did she feel this way? She looked up and was surprised to see the Hunter standing over her. For the second time in that very long night she gasped. The Hunter extended a hand and took the source of her vexation from her grasp and pushed back a strand of loose grey hair; setting it into place along with the ornament.

As they pulled away, their finger caressed the Doll’s cheek and the warmth from her chest erupted. “I love you. Would you ever think to love me?” There was a silence as the soft nights breeze blew between them. The Doll opened her mouth to say something. Apologize or explain herself. Nothing came out. The Hunter took her hands and pulled her to her feet and to them. The Doll sighed softly and set her head against her Hunter’s chest and listened to their breath and heart. They smelled of sweat, blood, and worse, but she didn’t care. This was all she had ever wanted out of her existence and more. Hunters had used her as just a doll for so long, but not her Hunter. To them she was more. 

She could have stayed there an eternity, but eventually her Hunter pulled away and guided her to sit once again. They leaned down and kissed her cold cheek before turning to face the terrors of Yharnam once more, leaving the Doll wide eyed and holding a hand against the spot where her Hunter had left their mark.

#my writing #plain doll #bloodborne #good hunter #plain doll x hunter #y'all like my purple pros

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Oh! Quick shout out to @valkyrie-ironhand and @dzamie for always reblogging my stuff. Y'all should go follow them because they're amazing ❤❤❤

#nonmonster #i say something #seriously y'all are amazing

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I was tagged by @teacupfullofstars. I did change the first question cause i don't rly do ships, but you can change it too!

3 Hobbies: Writing (duh), DnD, and Gaming

Bonus Round! Top 3 Games: Shadow of the Colossus, Bloodborne, and Borderlands 2

Last Song: Tranz, Gorillaz

Last Movie: Scooby Doo on Zombie Island

Current Book: A Gothic Horror Compilation

Current Food Craving: I could really go for a big ass burrito rn

I'm tagging @howtobangyourmonster @good-girl-gone-exo @discoveredbyamom @monsters-significant-other @valkyrie-ironhand no pressure if you don't wanna do it :)

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Jobs Best Suited for the Chromatic Dragons

Black Dragon: Historian

The Black Dragon's obsession with outlasting civilizations and collecting artifacts from those cultures makes this a no brainer. Professor Vaixner at the local University is a Black Dragon and knows his stuff, be careful though, if he catches you cheating he'll spit acid at you.

Blue Dragon: Stage Magician

These boastful masters of illusion would kill it on the stage. It's rumored that some of the theaters in Waterdeep will hire spunky young Blue Dragons from out east to perform.

Green Dragon: Cult Leader

Honied words and collecting talented people like trophies, where have I heard that one before... Several years back, a group out at sea tried to register as a religion with the Green Dragon L'Ron as their profit, but they're currently on the run for tax evasion.

Red Dragon: Banker

With their propensity towards wealth hoarding and an innate knowledge of the value of thing, this pairing is a match made in heaven. Or hell. The largest bank on the Sword Coast actually has a Red Dragon on its board of directors, though no one knows their true name.

White Dragon: Survivalist

White Dragons do one thing very well and that's survive no matter what the world throws at them. Though they can't write themselves, journalists and authors will sometimes interview White Dragons about survival tips and in exchange give them a portion of the profits, usually in uncut diamonds.

#exophilia #monster manual #dnd #black dragon #blue dragon #green dragon #red dragon #white dragon #for fun #monster love

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D is for Dragon: White Dragon!

Unbeknownst to the tundra dweller, something was stalking it, something big. As the caribu bent over to nibble the lichen growing on the permafrost, the polar bear charged. In a panic the caribu dashed towards the only refuge it could see, the icy cliffs straight ahead, but the bear was on it's heels, it could feel its hot breath on its ankles. A load roar pierced the snowy landscape followed by a deafening rumble as a cascade of icy blast enveloped predator and prey. In seconds they were frozen solid, the White Dragon of this region had completed another successful hunt.

White Dragons are the most bestial and brutish of all dragon species, and coincidentally the smallest as well. They populate areas with year round frigid temperatures and plenty of prey options. A White Dragon's sole motivation in life is finding its next meal. When it selects a target it will encase them in ice and take it back to its lair for later consumption.

Despite its animalistic tendencies, a White Dragon has a fantastic memory and will remember every encounter it has ever had with someone, that is if they weren't eaten first. Though it can be very hard, some intrepid individuals have "tamed" White Dragons by conditioning them with regular gifts of food. It is akin to trying to befriend a constantly irate bear, as if the White Dragon believes it is not being respected at all times it will attack instantly.

White Dragons lair in icy caves they carve themselves and litter with the bones of past prey items. Like all dragons, they hoard. White Dragons are particulary fond of diamond and items made of bone or ivory. Areas home to a powerful White Dragon will be prone to sudden blizzards and covered with labyrinthine walls of ice that block off the dragons lair.

Pros

Good hunters

Very good memory, will call you on a birthday

Cons

Very animalistic, almost zero interest in being a friend or companion

Meet and greet? More like meet and eat

Won't forget or forgive any slights, EVER

Monster Rating

I give the White Dragon a 2/10. It isn't evil, but it barely has the sapience/intelligence to not just call it an animal. Their desire to eat everything it can get also gets it deducted points. Maybe skip this one.

Up Next

A personal favorite and our first Metalic Dragon. The talkitive Brass Dragon!

#exophilia #monster manual #white dragon #monster boyfriend #monster girlfriend #dnd #dragon #monster love

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D is for Dragon: Red Dragon!

So far, the Paladin had made it past the traps, the kobolds, and the massive pits of lava. Underneath his helmet beads of swear poured down his face; he gripped his sword tightly as he rounded the corner. He had reached the treasure room, and before him lay the combined wealth of a dozen kingdoms. Coins, gems, armor, weapons, and even several golden statues were layed out into carefully curated piles. A low growl caused him to turn quickly to the left to see a massive crimson beast rearing back, flame building in its throat, his trials were far from over.

Of all the dragons to exist, the Red Dragon is perhaps the most feared and the most iconic of them all. Older specimens are truely gargantuan creatures and have been known to completely block out the sun when flying overhead. Their greed and ferocity is also the most well known of dragons, a Red Dragon can tell the price of any item within several copper pieces of a certainty and will zealously hoard any wealth to itself. Should someone try to steal this wealth, a Red Dragon will enter a rage that can only be satiated by the return of the item and the death of the thief.

Another feature that makes Red Dragons so iconic is their breath weapon, they can breath a stream of fire so hot it can melt certain metals and reduce bone to ash. They enjoy living in mountains regions, but especially those with active volcanoes. An area with a powerful Red Dragon living near it will be prone to earthquakes and smell of sulfer. Portals to the elemental plane of fire may even open up, allowing its denizens to cross over.

Pros

Would make an excellent financier

Iconic af, I mean really

Hot as heck. Get it. Cause fire.

Big fella

Cons

Really bad temper

I want that thing, and so I shall take it

Solves all problems by lighting them on fire

Monster Rating

I give the Red Dragon a 4/10. They're not as maliciously evil as the Green or Black dragons in my opinion, but their desire to hoard any wealth they can get their claws on has been the start of many an adventure.

Up Next

Will this dragon give you the cold shoulder? Probably! The White Dragon!

#exophilia #monster manual #monster boyfriend #monster girlfriend #dnd #dragon #monster love #red dragon

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D is for Dragon: Green Dragon!

The bard finished his piece and looked up nervously at his audience of one. The giant Green Dragon gazed down at him with a look of mild amusement and commanded him to play it again. The bard gulped and obeyed as the dragon layed its emerald colored head on a bed of moss and closed its eyes to rest.

Green Dragons are unique among dragon kind. They collect and covet like all dragons, but a Green Dragon enjoys collecting talented people and making them show off their skills for it. If the would be servant refuses, they are eaten. Green Dragons also enjoy corrupting those with pure hearts, relishing in their downfall. If they cannot corrupt then, it takes equal pleasure in suffocating them in the clouds of chlorine gas it can expel from its mouth. To top off this grusome cake, Green Dragons prefered food are elves and other Fey.

Dwelling within thick forests, a Green Dragon knows its terrain like the back of its hand and will stalk trespassers, allowing itself to be seen so that it may instill fear in them. A Green Dragon will try to sweet talk anyone entering its domain, but their honied words contain a bitter poison; never trust a Green Dragon. A forest inhabited by a powerful Green Dragon will be thick with thorns and brambles with large game being largely absent. Creature like Ettercaps and Giant Spiders may be common as well.

Pros

Good at giving compliments

Knows (and kidnapped) all the local talent

Cons

Can't be trusted

Will eat you if you have elven blood

Enjoys watching others fail and be miserable

Monster Rating

I give the Green Dragon a 2/10. Much like the Black Dragon, the Green look cool and does have some appealing traits, but their inherint nastiness makes them less than ideal partners. Stay clear of these two faced fellows.

Up Next

The greatest chromatic of all, the Red Dragon!

#exophilia #monster manual #monster boyfriend #monster girlfriend #dnd #dragon #red dragon #monster love

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D is for Dragon: Blue Dragon!

Perched on a cliff overlooking vast dunes of sand, the Blue Dragon watched the caravan move closer to her position. She chuckled to herself, these foolish humans would make excellent entertainment.

A Blue Dragon is a gorgeous, but deadly desert dweller. They are less spiteful or cruel as other chromatics, but the most power hungry. A Blue Dragon enjoys lording over others and having itself be worshiped, but doesn't see any real reason to terrorize its followers without a good reason to do so. In fact, Blue Dragons have been known to reward those that it finds useful, but this level of trust can be hard to gain. Blue Dragons have an innate mastery of illusion magic and enjoy tricking nomads into drinking sand or seeing non-existent threats, the dragon sees this as harmless fun.

Blue Dragons are capable of expelling a bolt of lightning that is capable of killing even the most heardy of creatures. It will use this breath weapon to carve through sandstone towers to make its lair. An span of desert inhabited by a powerful Blue Dragon will have a constant electrical charge in the air and an abundance of sinkholes the closer one gets to the lair. Local towns may also leave a tithe for the dragon to collect.

Pros

Beautiful azure scales that glisten in the sun

Has a sense of humor

Recognizes loyalty and potential friendship

Strong "Its not like I like you" vibes

Cons

Kind of a jerk

Favorite thing to say "Uhm, well actually...."

Monster Rating

I give the Blue Dragon a 5/10. If you can't tell, i have a personal soft spot for them, and enjoy how even though many Blues can start as villains they can soften up over time. However, they never really loose that mega grouchy attitude.

Up Next

The cunning smooth talking, Green Dragon!

#exophilia #monster manual #monster boyfriend #monster girlfriend #dnd #blue dragon #monster love #dragon

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A quick thing, y'all I'm all for constructive criticism in my writing, but I've gotten a couple rudely worded anons saying my interpretations of some of the monsters on here are stupid or "wrong." Firstly, y'all it's fiction. Second, if you don't wanna read my stuff, you don't have to. And finally, don't be rude, if you prefer something a certain way, feel free to message me and I'll see about maybe writing something with a loving Chimera or whatever. Being an ass about it isn't gonna get you anything.

On a positive note, I do see all the positive feedback I get and I appreciate the hell out of it and all of you! Be well ❤

#non monster #delete later