this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

“There’s no way we would still be in love with each other if we’ve been apart for years. What if I stop loving you one day?”

“I’ll court you and make you fall in love with me again, that’s gonna be my part which I will do.”

I believed your empty words. That’s okay though, that time, we were just two innocent teenagers falling in love anyway.

We didn’t know that love would be snatched away so fast from you, but also that it would’ve taken me years and years to get over you.

Honestly, I still think that I could love you better than any of your new girlfriends who left you stranded wondering if you’re enough. Because to me, you’re more than enough. Ironically, to you, I will never be enough.

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #excerpt from a story i'll never write #spilled words #excerpt from a book i'll never write #unrequited love #break up #ex boyfriend

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

Dear God,

Why did You let my struggling-to-move-on phase last so long while You let him date so many other girls after our broke up?

I have always been the faithful one, though? I have always meant it when I say I love someone, I have always aimed for the best for the one I love. Why me?

Why didn’t you let me to have an easy move on instead? Why did you let that asshole get stuck in my heart all these times? He doesn’t deserve my care and my attention, let alone my feelings. Why?

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

Today i went bowling with him and some other friends. He sucked at playing bowling, like when I say he sucked, he really sucked. He had a 0 strike for a couple of times.

But then after a few times rolling the ball, he improved and got better. I could not help but smile when I saw him doing great.

It feels like, a part of me will always cheer for him. I feel like I will always be his number one fan when he does something great. I am proud of him even though 1) it’s just a small thing and 2) i’m not in the position to feel that way.

But then we ended today by parting, for good, hopefully. We’re just not meant to be and I don’t think that having him around and hanging with him is healthy for me.

And there won’t be any other time bowling with him. I won’t ever be able to know if he gets better or gets worse another time he plays. I won’t even know whether he’s doing great in life or not.

I still feel sad about it even though we broke up over 3 years ago because it feels like he will always have a space in my heart. It feels like I will always care about him at some point in life :(

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

i love you but i don't love you. i love you forever, you still occupy space in my heart, but that doesn't mean i have to acknowledge it. (to that one person)

Caitlyn Siehl / in a dream you saw a way to survive by Clementine von Radics / @/inanotherunivrse on tumblr / pinterest / pinterest / unknown / holy ground by taylor swift / "MY NAME" (2021) / Letters of Sylvia Plath / foolish one by taylor swift

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

May I always be reminded of Your mighty works as I step into uncertainties and struggles throughout my days, Lord.

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

I dreamt of you this morning.

We were hanging around at a mall after school. Well, I’m not sure why we were students but I’m 100% positive that we’re together.

We were happy in my dream. Our steps were filled with laughter ad silly acts, just as like how it really went back then.

You were doing funny crazy stuffs and I would be ready to record you while laughing out loud trying to hide my embarrassment from people around who were staring at us. But I didn’t care because as long as I got you, I’m content.

The dream makes me miss us.

I miss going to places with you,

I miss stealing kisses while watching movies in the cinema with you,

I miss taking the public transportation with you,

I miss having aquarium, museum and arcade dates, I miss planning days out with you,

I miss making weird funny videos with you,

I miss looking for late dinner near my house with you,

I miss holding hands with you,

I miss my happy self when I’m with you.

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

Please don’t be in love with someone else..

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

Meh.

Tumblr got it wrong.

I missed you though. Loooots.

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

I can try shifting my focus when you suddenly pop up in my mind. But i haven’t found a way to repel you from my dreams.

Do I wake up? But I love sleeping so much.

Maybe I love sleeping so much because the dream is the only place where we could be together.

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

If it doesn’t go well with her, could you please try it with me, again?

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

Maybe I meant it a little bit too much when I said that I’ll love you forever.

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #excerpt from a story i'll never write #spilled words #excerpt from a book i'll never write #spilled poetry #writters on tumblr #unrequited love #unrequited feelings #writing

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

“If someday the moon calls you by your name don’t be surprised, because every night I tell her about you.”

— Shahrazad al-Khalij

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

I wonder if there is anything that reminds you of me.

Just like how Hoka-Hoka Bento and McD remind me of you, just like how TimeZone reminds me of you, just like how SeaWorld and LAI remind me of you, just like how walking home from the nearest bus stop reminds me of you, just like how listening to Calum Scott’s You Are the Reason reminds me of you, just like how going to the cinema reminds me of you, just like how Kinasih Resort reminds me of you, just like how gray hoodie reminds me of you, just like how every little thing reminds me of you.

I wonder if you ever see, smell, taste or listen to anything and I immediately pop up into your mind.

Do you ever remember and miss me? If you ever do, please enlighten me, how do you get over it?

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

one monday evening

With an uproarious heart, I constantly going back and forth to his contact.

“Should I text him?” 

Knowing it must be hard for him too, I decide to keep it to myself. It is not my first time bothering him with long paragraphs explaining how I feel since I have been doing that pretty regularly since years ago. Well, I believe that he could not care less.

“But I want him to know how much I miss him and I wish things would be different and how much the pain breaks me in pieces..”

Honestly, I believe that even if he knows, it doesn’t get better and nothing would change anyways. I’ll just add to his frustration about my haven’t-moved-on state that I am also very desperate about. Understanding how much he wants me to get over him actually gives me a feeling of a twinge in my heart.

I also, want to be able to let him go. And this wish has always been faithfully spoken in each of my prayer. 

“Why did he stop loving me? Why did I not stop loving him?”

Life is unjust. Some things really do remain unanswered, like my questions above. I mean, hating on life wouldn’t make anything better, right?

Only God knows how tormented I am right now. You don’t have to.

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

It feels like I am inside a never-ending battle that I know I’ll always lose. No matter how much I try, or not try, winning is never an option. How did I end up here? I don’t remember ever signing up for this.

I don’t remember deciding to fall in love with you 6 years ago means I have to live another few years seeing you fall out of love with me and start falling for another.

Tell me, how do I get out of this satan’s circle? How do I be set free? How do I stop being beaten by the feeling of despair, for there is nothing I can do anyway?

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

I wish one day the remorse stops strangling,

I wish one day the thought of losing you stops bothering,

I wish one day the little hope left stops living,

I wish one day I feel nothing when I remember you.

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #excerpt from a story i'll never write #spilled words #excerpt from a book i'll never write #spilled poetry #writters on tumblr #unrequited love #unrequited feelings #writing

[this-ones-for-the-brokenhearted]

A while ago, I figured that you are into Sarah Kang and Laufey’s music. But two days ago, I just understood how much you love listening to their songs.

Maybe if we were better at loving each other, somewhere in the future we’ll be singing out loud to their songs in their concerts while holding hands.

Maybe if we didn’t easily give up on each other, we’d spend our days on calls putting their songs on repeat while talking about how our days went by.

Maybe if we tried harder, we’d go on dates and sing along to their songs we put on the radio on our way.

Maybe if we gave it another try, we’d now be busy doing collaboration to cover their songs and upload them to Instagram, maybe then receiving some cute comments from the viewers.

I hate my maybe(s). But do you think I’d be able to not think of you when I listen to their songs just as you don’t think of me?