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useless-chan-draws · 2 months

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Chuya's Tainted Sorrow

Here comes a meta on my favourite bsd character:

Chuya is mostly explored in the two BSD novels Fifteen and Storm Bringer, so this post covers what happens in these books. In particular, I am going to use Chuya's song, gift and literary references to explore his story.

DARKNESS MY SORROW

Darkness My Sorrow is Chuya's character song and its title combines two different literary references:

Darkness comes from the Sheep Song, which is used to trigger Corruption:

O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again!

Sorrow comes from Upon The Tainted Sorrow, which gives its name to Chuya's ability

Let's discover what these two poems represent.

CHUYA'S DARK DISGRACE (THE SHEEP)

O expectations, stale and dismal airs, leave this body of mine! I want nothing anymore but simplicity, quiet, murmurs and order. O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again! I will endure my solitude, arms seeming already useless. O eyes that open doubtfully, open eyes that stay motionless for a while, ah, heart, that believes in others more than itself, O expectations, stale and dismal airs, leave, leave this body of mine! I enjoy nothing anymore but my wretched dreams. (The Sheep Song, Part II)

The Sheep is Chuya's first group, which welcomes him in as a child. Why is the organization called after this animal? There are several reasons, which tie with Chuya's relationship with his friends.

1 - Chuya is a herding dog

The Sheep's members are normal kids, but Chuya guards their territory and punishes trespassers violently. This is the behaviour of herding dogs, which are famous for their aggressiveness towards outsiders.

"Everyone's waiting for you to give this enemy a beatdown! That's the only way we Sheep can protect our turf! We've only made it this far because everyone knows they can't mess with us!" (Shirase in Fifteen)

2 - Chuya is a sheep among wolves

"Chuuya's got all that berserk firepower, but here he's like sheep getting stared down by a wolf." (Dazai in Fifteen)

Chuya's relationship with the Sheep is exploitative and toxic. The other kids use Chuya's love and wish to belong to control him. All in all, Chuya is used as a pawn for the organization's well being:

"We Sheep took you in when you had no family and nowhere to go, but you already gave us more than enough in return. That's why... it's time to rest... after dying and contributing to the Sheep one last time." (Shirase in Fifteen)

3 - Chuya is the King of the Sheep

Luois I, King of the Sheep is a children book about a sheep, who finds a crown. He puts it on and becomes King. The point of the story is that Luois I is like other sheep, but chance and a superficial attribute turn him into a royal.

Chuya sees himself in the same way:

"I'm not a King," the boy, Chuuya Nakahara, spat. "I just happen to have something no one else does: power. I'm simply fulfilling the responsibility I have." (Fifteen)

Chuya's "crown" is his gravity manipulation gift that sets him apart from others. He even calls it a "good card", so something luck gives him.

Luois I lets the crown get to his head and believes he is above others. Chuya instead really wants to be part of the flock:

Chuuya wasn't anyone special; he didn't have a skill, either. He was just a regular member of the group. He wasn't the king, he had no powers, he wasn't the center of attention - he was simply a single Sheep among the flock, chatting with his friends. (Chuya's wish in Storm Bringer)

However, his ability is so powerful that it is the Sheep kids, who forget Chuya is a teenage boy just like them:

"Chuuya's covered in wounds. I've never seen him like that. He looks just like a regular guy my age. Wait, no - he doesn't just look like one. He is my age. He's a boy just like me." (Shirase in Storm Bringer)

In short, Chuya doesn't want to be the Sheep King, but he is forced into the role by the crown of power:

"Shut up! If you think you can become king, then do it! You can have this power!" Chuuya howled, unable to take it any longer. "To hell with power! If I didn't have this skill, I'd still be with you guys...!" (Storm Bringer)

Still, gifts are metaphors of the characters' interiority. So, what does Chuya's abnormous skill symbolize? What is the real flaw that defines Chuya's relationships and gets in their way?

"Once there was this boy who could amplify the skill of anyone he touched. Super convenient. So what do you think would happen if he used it on himself instead of someone else? (...) He amplified the skill to amplify the other skill, which amplified the skill to amplify skills that amplify skills. This self-referencing continued nonstop as he endlessly amplified his own skill." (N in Storm Bringer)

Storm Bringer reveals that the origin of Chuya's gravity manipulation is the gift to make other skills more powerful. The user applies his gift on himself and makes it stronger and stronger until infinite energy is created and space warps. So, Chuya's singularity is born: a gift able to control gravity. In other words:

The original ability is to make others stronger

If the ability is used on one-self (so that the wielder can become more powerful and make others even more powerful), then a contradiction arises and a monstruous skill appears

This process is a representation of Chuya's tendency to grow stronger for others' sake. He hones his fighting skills to protect the Sheep (to make them stronger), but this turns them too dependent on him (an organizational vulnerability). What a good leader should do is instead to nurture his people, so that they can be independent and strong:

“A leader is both the head of the organization and the organization’s slave. For the survival and the profit of the organization, they gladly put themselves through any manner of filth. They develop their subordinates and place them where they best fit. And, if necessary, they use and dispose of them. For the sake of the organization, they take on any act of barbarism with glee. That is a leader. All for the organization, and for the protection of this beloved city.” (Mori in Fifteen)

This is Chuya's mistake and the reason why the Sheep disbands. Chuya falls short as a leader not because he isn't as smart as Dazai or Mori (if anything, I think he is going to be a better leader than both). Rather, he fails because he doesn't know how to depend on others:

"It's because you are our friend. Were things different with the Sheep?" They had been. That was what Chuuya's flustered expression was saying. Everyone in the Sheep depended on him. The contrary was unthinkable. (Storm Bringer)

He insists on doing everything by himself, but a leader should work with his subordinates. This is what Chuya lacks in Fifteen and what he sails up to learn.

Still, to succeed Chuya needs to face the origin of this flaw, which lies in how he perceives himself:

O eyes that open doubtfully, open eyes that stay motionless for a while, ah, heart, that believes in others more than itself

Chuya sees himself as inferior to others. This complex makes him willing to be used, if it means he belongs somewhere:

LONELY DARKNESS MY SORROW, once it is opened by the key I'd rather just fall than go back to being alone Staring at the destroyed cage of this self, (GRAVITY) Slowly, I sing, "Not bad at all."

This is the key stanza of Chuya's song, which reveals what Chuya's darkness really is. Loneliness. Chuya is scared of being alone, so he does his best to conform to others' wishes. For example, he dresses like those around him not to stick out.

Chuuya, age fifteen - He wears sportsy clothes, with several sheep symbols:

Chuuya, age sixteen - He wears a formal attire with much black in it. Perfect mafia-style:

However, he can't escape his interior pain, which metaphorically manifests in Corruption:

O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again! I will endure my solitude, arms seeming already useless.

It is not by chance that the verses, which open Chuya's gate affirm the poet's solitude. That is because deep down Corruption is just this. Chuya's isolation.

THE TAINTED SORROW (ARAHABAKI)

Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, the snowflakes fall so harsh. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, even the strong wind gusts. The Tainted Sorrow is Just like a fox’s hooded fur. The Tainted Sorrow is Covered by snowflakes and it cowers. The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Trembling like a pitiful soul. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Nowhere to belong, the sun sets... (Upon The Tainted Sorrow)

Corruption is a state where Chuya gives up his body to Arahabaki. What is this entity? In universe, it is a singularity, a self-contradicting skill able to create infinite power. It metaphorically represents two things:

Everyone's objectification of Chuya

A part of Chuya himself

1 - Chuya's life is defined by others reducing him to a skill

-N and the Government kidnap, abuse and clone Chuya because of his self-contradicting gift. It is not the two kids (the original and the clone) they are interested in. Rather, they reduce them to their special abilities:

"Just like how we respect your will, we respect the will of your skill Arahabaki, as well. But... how should I put this? Your will is tying Arahabaki down, and as long as your will is firm, we won't be able to remove Arahabaki from you." (N in Storm Bringer)

N says it oudloud. He respects Arahabaki's will more than Chuya's. Except that Arahabaki has no will:

"Sigh... Why do you wanna see it so bad?" Chuuya said. "It doesn't have a personality or a mind of its own, so what's meeting' it gonna do for you? You gonna pray to it because it's a god? It's a god of destruction, y'know. Nothing more than a mass of energy. It's no different from a typhoon or an earthquake. Ya might as well pray to a power plant." (Fifteen)

Arahabaki is not a person, but the embodyment of Chuya's gift. And yet, it is given a name and treated as more important than the kid.

-Rimbaud literally wants to turn Chuya into a skill:

"Allow me to reintroduce myself. Rimbaud. Arthur Rimbaud. My skill is called Illuminations. Chuuya, my goal is to kill you and absorb you into my skill" (Rimbaud in Fifteen)

He doesn't want to kill Dazai because he hates murdering children. And yet, Chuya is Dazai's same age. However, Rimbaud sees him as nothing, but Arahabaki's host.

-Verlaine wants Chuya to be his clone:

"I dunno about you, but I'm human." "You aren't human. You're 2,383 lines of code." (Chuya and Verlaine in Storm Bringer)

He denies Chuya's humanity and insists he is an artificial creation. Chuya can't be the original kidnapped child, but needs to share Verlaine's origins and hate for the world. Verlaine doesn't consider his brother a person, but an extension of himself.

2- Arahabaki is Chuuya's inner beast

In psychology, the beast is a personification of one's deepest and most repressed feelings. What are Chuya's?

His control on gravity suggests two strong emotions:

a) A lack of freedom - The ability to control gravity should make one freer. And yet, Chuya is always chained:

He spends his childhood imprisoned in a lab. He is used as an attack dog by the Sheep. He is threatened to join the mafia with his friends' lives and Rimbaud's secret files. In a sense, he always serves someone. That is why Arahabaki is a servant deity.

b) A huge existential weight - He can make things lighter, but he still shoulders too much:

"Tell me, tin man," Chuuya suddenly stated, his voice devoid of all emotion. "Why did they die?" "Because of you, Chuuya." Silence. "Yeah, it is my fault." (Chuuya and Adam in Storm Bringer)

For example, Chuya blames himself for what happens with the Sheep, the Flags and later on Adam:

"What's wrong, Chuuya? Everyone's going to die at this rate. You're going to kill them. Your shortcomings are going to kill them." (Verlaine in Storm Bringer)

Chuya fears whoever gets close to him dies. That is why Arahabaki is a god of destruction.

Points 1 and 2 explain Chuya's loneliness. On the one hand others only see his skill (objectification). On the other hand Chuya doesn't see himself (struggle with the beast).

Arahabaki is a god whose origins are uncertain, so nobody understands it. Not even Chuya:

'In languor dreams of death' … who was the one that said it?

In the song, Chuya wonders who is the author of his own poem. This shows how disconnected he is from himself. He wears a mask of violence and bravado to hide his vulnerability. Still, this fragility emerges every time he lets Arahabaki out. Here comes the interpretative key of Chuya's character...

Arahabaki is nothing, but the Tainted Sorrow of the poem:

The tainted sorrow is a fox covered in snow, while the wind howls:

Black snow began fluttering around Chuuya. Red scar-like runes crawled across his skin. He ignored the law of physics, hovering in the sky, as he glared down at the beast on the surface. Intense heat caused by the gamma radiation filled the air. The night was scorched, and the scenery warped. (Storm Bringer)

Arahabaki-Chuya is described as a tailed-beast and the anime shows he is similar to a fox. Moreover, he is covered in black snow, while his gravity powers manifest a strong wind.

The rest of the verses convey Chuya's feelings:

The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Trembling like a pitiful soul. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Nowhere to belong, the sun sets...

Interestingly, the fox and the setting sun come up in Storm Bringer:

The video showed a golden coin. One side was engraved with a fox, the other with the moon. It was beautiful yet somewhat melancholy. (Storm Bringer)

The young Chuya repeats Upon the Tainted Sorrow while playing with a coin that has a fox and a moon on its sides.

The literary metaphor becomes clear. The Sheep Song is the key to open the Tainted Sorrow's gate. Chuya activates Corruption through verses, that state his loneliness. He says them, when he is ready to face the darkest part of himself.

WHAT IS CHUYA?

The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self.

The Tainted Sorrow dreams of death, which means Chuya is suicidal.

This is why he is both drawn and repulsed by Dazai:

"Your birth itself was a mistake. We're the same. Is there really a point to suffering through all that pain for a life that isn't even real?" The voice was taunting him. "Shut up," Chuuya spat, but even he knew he was talking to himself. "Screw you, Dazai." "That's just proof that you at least somewhat believe what I'm saying. Because deep down inside, you're the same as me." (Storm Bringer)

Dazai is the Chuya, who regrets being born and wishes to die. Still, he is also the Chuya, who wants to live, despite it all:

Chuya quietly stared at Daai's expression as if he were searching for something human deep inside of him. "So you're saying... you want to live now?" "I wouldn't go that far," Dazai replied with a resigned smile. "Maybe I won't find anything, but I figure I'll give it a try." (Fifteen)

The Tainted Sorrow wishes nothing because it isn't a person. Chuya fears he has no will of his own because he isn't human:

Chuuya Nakahara didn't dream. For him, waking up was like a bubble emerging from within mud. (Storm Bringer)

This fear is why Chuya's friendship with Adam is so important.

Adam is a an artificial creation, like Chuya. He is even called after the Frankenstein monster. He is a robot programmed to destroy himself for the sake of his mission:

"This is the real reason why an android was sent, instead of a human detective. My core, which now contains state secrets, will be incinirated along with Verlaine." (Adam in Storm Bringer)

Adam is a person, like Chuya. He is even called after the first man. He is a friend, who chooses to sacrifice himself for a loved one:

"I get to protect you. I couldn't ask for more." (Adam in Storm Bringer)

Dazai and Adam are linked to life and humanity, which are the main themes of Chuya's arc in the novels.

They both get to keep on living together with Chuya:

Dazai curled into the fetal position and screamed, "Dying with Chuuya? Anything but thaaaat!!" (Storm Bringer)

"Would you like to hear an android joke, Master Chuuya?" (Adam revealed as alive at the end of Storm Bringer)

Fittingly, Storm Bringer ends with the three of them together and alive. Chuya loses several friends, but by the end he still has two bonds. Two people who survive their friendship with him.

Even more importantly, Dazai and Adam both care about Chuya's humanity:

"Chuuya's gonna kill N at this rate and lose his humanity, but I want to see him suffer as a human. That's why I have to stop him" (Dazai in Storm Bringer)

"Do you know whether Master Chuuya is human?" I was curiously hopeful that he would know the truth. (Adam in Storm Bringer)

Not only that, but they help Chuya finish his arc and find himself:

Then what is a soul? My friend's final words... What if those words were merely the words of a soulless command? So what? (Chuya in Storm Bringer)

Dazai gives Chuya a choice and Adam helps Chuya make it.

Dazai believes in Chuya's humanity more than anyone else:

"You sound like you're certain he's human." "I am." Dazai sighed, smiling. "There's no way I could hate a man-made character string this much." (Storm Bringer)

N, Shirase, Rimbaud and Verlaine all reduce Chuya to a skill. Dazai instead sees Chuya as his own person. Sure, he finds Chuya annoying, but he is the only one, who interacts with Chuya for who he is, rather than what he can do.

Adam realizes Chuya is human no matter his origins:

"Asleep or not, he is just an ordinary human," Chuuya replied indifferently. "his skill is strong, but that's it. He gets mad, he worries... That doesn't seem to be enough for him, though." "You are exactly right. It appears you have reached the conclusioin you needed to arrive at." (Chuya and Adam in Storm Bringer)

The Flags, Verlaine, Dazai and Chuya himself are focused on uncovering Chuya's birth. Is he the original kid or the clone? Discovering the truth is everyone's goal. Still, by the end Adam realizes Chuya's nature doesn't matter. He is Chuya either way. He is the person who teaches Adam about humanity. He is Adam's first friend.

Thanks to both Dazai and Adam, Chuya finally faces himself and activates Corruption. Not only that, but Chuya's final choice to let Arahabaki out is a perfect example of how he interprets freedom:

Even though it feels like I might be trapped, there is no room for sentiments I'll push myself to the limit and dye everything jet-black The world is a bird cage, faded in colour Even if I lament, I can't get out of this prison BUT NOW, DARKNESS MY SORROW I have not yet fallen apart So, as I laugh off this imposed inconvenience Let's overturn even the heavens and the earth (GRAVITY)

Chuya is trapped in many ways and he knows it. He is given a gift he doesn't want and he is forced to join an organization he dislikes. And yet, he makes all these "imposed inconveniences" his. Chuya accepts the "card he is given" and uses it the best he can.

He combines his gift with martial arts, so that it really becomes his own ability:

He finds his own motivation to work for the mafia:

"I chose to join the Mafia on my own, and I'm never gonna be your lackey, much less your dog!" (Chuuya to Dazai in Fifteen)

He doesn't open the gate when N forces him, but he chooses to on his own terms.

It is really not by chance that in Chuya's first big fight in the manga, this happens:

Chuya claims there is no choice, but he is still the one who decides to activate Corruption. Even when trapped, Chuya always pushes forward and plays the hand he is dealt with passion. Even if he is unsure of who he is, he lives on as himself.

WHO IS CHUYA?

Chuuya took off one of his leather riding gloves and gazed at his hand. This is my hand, he thought. (Storm Bringer)

Chuya is a person. He has always been, no matter if he is the original or the clone. He feels pain, happiness, surprise. He is able to bond and to empathize with others. All of this makes him human. Not only that, but all of this makes him Chuya.

It is interesting that by the end, many people who objectify Chuya, recognize his personhood.

Shirase sees him as the teenage he is and saves him

Mori traps Chuya in the mafia, but is touched by Chuya's passion and loyalty:

Both Rimbaud and Verlaine eventually see who Chuya is:

"Chuuya, you already possess strength and talents all your own, separate from Arahabaki. You are strong not as a god but as a human being." (Rimbaud in Fifteen)

"Does that mean... you do not yet resent the world?" "There's people I hate, but not all of'em," replied Chuuya. "I know better than to try and live a solitary existence. You used to feel the same, right?" Verlaine didn't respond. It was as if his silence itself was his answer. (Storm Bringer)

And tell him to live on:

"Chuuya... can I... ask you... a favor?" "What is it?" "Live" Randou said in almost a whisper. (Fifteen)

"Chuuya-live." (Verlaine in Storm Bringer)

Chuya manages to inspire all these people. At the same time, he is inspired back by them:

I was blessed with wonderful friends. That's all. I could have been in your situation, and you could have been in mine. (Chuya to Verlaine in Storm Bringer)

He integrates all his loved ones in who he is:

He (probably) imitates Hirotsu's habit to wear gloves and to take them away, when he is getting serious. This mannerism partially substitutes his practice to fight with the hands in the pockets

He is given his motorcycle by Albatross and keeps it as a memory of the Flags

He wears Verlaine's hat, which is really a gift from all three Chuya's key parental figures:

1- Rimbaud creates it for Verlaine

Once Verlaine puts on the hat, the fabric lining acts like coils, deflecting any external command sequences that could tamper with his mind. In other words, the wearer can control command sequences at will. With this hat, Verlaine is one step closer to becoming a human with free will. (Rimbaud in Storm Bringer)

2- Verlaine passes it down to Chuya

"You really like that hat, huh? That was his, right?" "Yeah, I'd rather not wear my brother's hand-me-downs, but it's got some pretty useful functions." (Shirase and Chuya in Storm Bringer)

3- Mori gives it to Chuya as a gift when he joins the mafia

"What's the hat for?" "It signifies your acceptance into the Mafia," Mori explained with a smile as he stood facing Chuuya. "Whoever recruits a new member into the organization usually looks after them as well. It's custom to gift the new recruit with something they can wear as a symbol of that bond." (Fifteen)

As a result, Chuya's hat is an object full of symbolism:

Within the darkness, a shadow of a hat lightly dances.

It is both shadow (a shadow of a hat) and light (within the darkness, it dances). On the one hand it is the key to Corruption, so to chaos. On the other hand it gives Chuya the power to control this chaos to an extent.

It is both what grants Chuya's free will and what threatens his autonomy:

It describes Chuya's bond with Mori, which is contradictory. Mori blackmails Chuya to join the mafia and controls him. He also offers Chuya a family (heart) and an insight on leadership (mind).

It represents Chuya's bond with Rimbaud and Verlaine, who are Chuya's literary parents, as their real life counterparts inspired Chuya Nakahara's poetry. In general, Chuya's past lowkey alludes to the true poet's one, at least metaphorically.

Nakahara Chuya is born in a rather wealthy family and forced by his father to pursue medicine studies. However, he discovers poetry when he is 8 years old and his younger brother dies. Later on, he rebels against his father's education and is inspired by Rimbaud and Verlaine's works. He imitates both their poems and their dandy life-style.

Similarly, BSD Chuya finds himself trapped until he is symbolically awaken to literature (break out of the lab) by Rimbaud and Verlaine. Here, his poetry (Upon The Tainted Sorrow) is set free and Chuya is reborn:

Those newborn cries filled the outside world in the form of flames. The raging flames brought destruction to the surface for as far as the eye could see. And thus, " " was born. (Fifteen)

Interestingly, Chuya is 7 or 8, when Rimbaud and Verlaine arrive in his life. Moreover, his survival and freedom come at the cost of his other self (his clone/the original Chuya). Just like Nakahara Chuya's first poem is the result of his grief for his brother's death.

In other words, Chuya is Rimbaud and Verlaine's literary child. He is what their bond leaves behind. This is why initially they both strongly project on Chuya, but eventually let him go. Isn't it normal for a parent to see themselves in their child? And isn't it normal for the child to imitate the parents to an extent? And yet, the child is his own person. Just like this, Chuya is strongly defined by both Rimbaud and Verlaine, but he is growing into himself:

"It's okay. The Port Mafia is my family now" (Chuya in Storm Bringer)

So, who is Chuya? It's easy, really. He is a Port Mafia Executive (and probably the next Port Mafia boss). Right now, he needs to define his role within the organization and outside Mori. As a matter of fact, Mori is Chuya's third father, so to become an adult, Chuya needs to outgrow him. Just like he did with Rimbaud and Verlaine. Only then, he will truly choose who Chuya Nakahara is.

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useless-chan-draws · 3 months

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To the Next Adventure

Atem/YamiYugii X F!Reader

Darkness was everywhere you looked. It surrounded you, preventing any other movement besides the pivot of your head. It was neither cold nor warm, dry nor wet, it was simply nothing. What was this place? What happened that made you come here? Pain shot through your temples as if to answer the questions you’d asked, near blinding white hot, threatening to render you motionless altogether. Had you sustained a head injury of sorts?

“Release her at once!”

Another bolt of pain seared across your being. The voice was familiar, ripples of fine dark hued velvet dancing with white silk appearing from nowhere, as it caressed your ears. Who was its owner?, you couldn’t help but wonder as glittering gold sand gathered in a pile around your feet courtesy of a warm breeze. Darkness lingered though small stars slowly began to appear with each echo of the command until a desert spanned for as far as you could see blanketed by Nyx’s cloak of twilight. A full moon stained red threatened to bathe all things in its crimson glow if not for the single figure who stood atop of a mighty twin mouthed dragon.

“I will not repeat myself…Consider this your only and final warning!”

This time pain radiated from around your neck as what was identifiable as large fingers threatened to cutoff your airway. “Ah, but you see, she is rightfully mine by right! Need I remind you of this era’s rules, your highness, for he who lays claim to a female then the property she becomes! Matters not how nor if it was by choice! I have her in my hold currently which makes her the perfect person for the job I have in mind!”

The dragon released an earth shattering roar that would make any who heard deaf, its four eyes aglow with bloodlust as its summoner’s lip curled in a snarl. Seeing either one alone would ensure nightmares to come with its glistening fangs and claws but it was the man wearing the Eye of Horus upon his head that struck you with awe. Wild ebony hair with vermillion tips that faded to violet towards his neck’s nape, a mantle of rich purple billowing behind him that accentuated the amethyst shards within his sharp gaze as it remained locked upon the one you surmised as your captor, skin beautifully kissed by the sun’s rays that shone with subtle hints of sweat as he raised his hand outwards. “All in the land know that she you dare touch is to be by my side as queen so do not play me for a fool! Will or not, I demand you return her at once!”

Queen? You? Confusion filled your chest at his words.

Anger shone brilliantly as his gaze tinted towards pomegranate. As if your uncertainty had wounded him, there was the briefest shadow of sorrow hidden within his gaze as you met it. “You heathen, what have you done her?”

“Well, dear pharaoh, it was clear that you were not going to pull your punches even if I used those little modern century friends of yours. My patience wanes thin already and Zorc the Dark One will be resurrected soon enough once I offer up her life force!” Another hand rose to take hold of your chin, raising it roughly so that the length of your throat was exposed. “Try not to take this personally, my dear, you were simply a means to an end! Fear not though, your memories shall be returned to you once his highness speaks his name!”

Both summoner and beast bellowed towards the night sky as the moon behind them darkened. Those were your only warnings as the world you barely knew was plunged into darkness once again courtesy of a dagger which first swiped across your throat then buried itself deep within your chest until its metallic hilt met your flesh.

Breaths hissed from between your clenched teeth as you sat upright in bed, hands leaping to your throat and chest while staring wide eyed up through the skylight window to the full blood moon eclipse. Horror filled you like a spreading poison when hearing a voice call out a name which unlocked a hidden gate that was buried within your mind. Faces and places swam past you like a movie reel until they came to a screeching halt upon an altar where the shadow sourcing from a single being became two. The cellphone that was on your bedside table began to ring but you were too numb to move let alone speak. Somehow you knew where to go, where you should be, and who was calling out to you.

Sunlight threatened to blind you while stepping off the boat, feet running the second they met the blistering sand despite the shouts of local deterring you from venturing below. You’d used every string and connection you knew to get here so quickly but it would all be worth it. At the end of a seemingly never ending stone staircase, after stepping around the slumped figure of a white headed man, you found the golden upside down pyramid laying behind a tricolored teen who lay unconscious with several others. The stone tablet before you seemed to hum with power as you approached, a single golden beam appearing from the carving’s apex to brush your brow, before it fell silent; all of your memories had been restored already, meaning its task had nothing to do with you. Your hands carefully picked up the ancient artifact, caressing it gingerly and carefully as if it would shatter, raising it to press one of its sides against your cheek. A single teardrop fell from your eye to splatter across the priceless gold.

“By the ancient gods,” the voice from your dream sounded as if he were standing in front of you instead, “how have you come here?”

“Nothing upon the earth nor in the heavens could keep mine love from you, my pharaoh.” You whispered back while returning it to the young teen who stirred. Though you couldn’t physically see him, there was no mistaking the gaze which seemed to watch with suspense as you walked back towards the staircase. The urge to take the Millennium Puzzle came over you in a tidal wave yet you retrained yourself. It was not for you to possess and his task within this time was not yet complete. “Come seek me out once you have gathered your senses about you.”

And without another backwards glance, you vanished back up the staircase.

The gentle rocking of the boat would lull anyone into slumber but you instead found solace upon starboard’s bow with the wind teasing the sensitive skin of your face. Scents of water lily and driftwood filled the night’s cool air which quenched most of the day’s relentless heat. A soft smile made to raise your lips if not for the presence which manifested behind you.

They didn’t speak, nor did you, as the shadow that stretched across the wood underfoot became taller. It was dominating, radiating with power unseen in this century’s time, yet it seemed to not show its fangs as it came closer.

One step…

two steps…

four steps…

And it came to a stop just short of reaching where you stood. Yet they still did not speak nor did they attempt to touch you.

This time a smile did grace your lips as the lids of your eyes slowly closed. Masculine sandalwood now tickled your nose in place of playful yet faint scents of modern deodorant which was a bit too potent for your personal liking. “Upon the Nile’s shore, where water kisses land, so ever flows my love for you.”

“May by Ra’s grace, our bond be forged in gold.” He spoke softly, gently, as if afraid you were a vision that would disappear if he was too loud. “For not riches nor jewels shine brighter than my beloved. For so long as she remains by mine side, I shall not want for naught.”

“For what is fortune to one such as I when mine eyes behold the greatest treasure one could find?” You faced him fully with a tilt of your being, the banister meeting the small of your back as he crossed the remaining space to wrap both arms around you as if to prevent anyone from stealing you away. Guilt wracked your body as you in turn clung to him.

Along your trip you’d familiarized yourself with the path of his vessel, Yugi Mutuo from Japan, and had felt stricken with self loathe when discovering all that had occurred while your memory was lacking; Pegasus’ Shadow Game, the battle against Marik’s evil, Atlantis, and that you had been unable to assist in any of them left you feeling bitter. Even back in ancient times, the pharaoh had immense strength blessed to him by the gods, but the showcase again and again of it was almost too much for you to take when realizing that strangers had been by his side instead of you.

“My pharaoh, my beloved, my King of Games, forgive this fool of a woman for not finding her way to your side sooner.”

“I am relieved that you did not have to suffer twice. The battle’s path may have turned in an unfavorable direction if you had participated, (Y/n), thus I am relieved to find you unharmed and well.” The pads of his thumbs were quick to wipe away the tears as they spilled down your cheeks, his gaze piercing you with its gemstone hues. “Bakura’s curse was vanquished the moment he was defeated, (Y/n), so do not blame yourself upon something that was not within your control.” He appeared just as you had dreamt and more as he encouraged your eyes to open with the softest of brushes that were his fingers against your eyelids. Pale moonlight accentuated each plane of his face, revealing masculine edges yet smoothed over by the lingering plush that was from living within the modern century, though it did little to conceal the physique which was testimony of endless trainings both in combat and magical. A black racer back tee failed to conceal the lean build he sported, shoulders and upper chest showcased thanks to the fabric’s tightness, and recognizable bottoms ended where pointed boots began. Leather studded bands around his biceps and wrist did little to deter his movements, matching the choker around his throat. The expression upon his features though was foreign as he retreated a step. “Forgive my appearance, for it is not entirely my own.”

“My pharaoh, frankly I would not care if your vessel was a giant purple dinosaur.” Your hand waved dismissively when his head tilted slightly, unable to stop a giggle from sounding. Pride filled you while cupping his face between both your palms, exhaustion appearing within his gaze as you brought him closer so that your foreheads were touching. “It matters not, beloved, all that matters is that you have succeeded in saving the world from Zorc the Dark One. Now you may finally know peace as the kings before you have.”

Regret wafted off of him in waves as he removed your hands, gaze becoming hooded. “I am in need of rest, yes, yet my duty upon this matter is not yet finished.”

You listened carefully and intently as he told of one final duel he needed to partake within. This time it would be against his vessel. Understanding filled you when noting how he glanced over his shoulder towards the cabin where the boy’s companions sounded from, your fingers lightly brushing against his own when he hesitated to answer the call of a name which wasn’t his. “Go to them. It will not be long before they must accept your destiny leads somewhere they cannot follow.” Though his fingers and hand was larger than your own, it did not deter you from raising it so as to brush your lips across his knuckles before placing his palm against your chest where he could feel your heartbeat. “You have my word that I will not wander, pharaoh, have faith in my words as a promise to remain seen yet unseen while going forth from here.”

Sharp gemstone eyes closed briefly as he nodded, slowly allowing the call to cause his vessel to take retreating steps, until he disappeared from sight towards the other end of the boat.

Watching him go threatened to fill you with loneliness and neglect but it was not you who needed comforting tonight. No. He deserved to be with the friends he’d made despite you wanting not to waste another second not within his presence. You’d managed this second life’s time so far without him.

What was one more night?

Little were you aware of how many times he came to a stop outside your door as the moon traveled its way across the night sky. It was close to the four o’clock hour that the softest of sounds woke you. No explanation was needed as you crossed the borrowed room’s space to unlock the door, your hand gently collecting his own and drawing him inside before closing it once more. The shadows seemed to gather around him as he silently followed you to the bed, not stopping nor saying anything as you laid him down first. Words weren’t necessary as the heaviness within his gaze met yours. One of your hands rose to begin slowly combing through his tricolored tresses while the rest of you settled in a comfortable position beside him, silently encouraging him to relax by coaxing his head to rest against your upper chest. The invitation was accepted and he soon had nestled his face into your being with arms wrapped around your waist.

And that was all it took for the mighty Nameless Pharaoh of Egypt to finally break. His hold became tight as near scalding droplets of liquid splattered across your skin as he choked on his own words. He told of everything from how his initial emergence from the puzzle frightened the poor boy who’d completed it, how he had selfishly grown attached to the boy’s friends and became envious of the simplistic lifestyle, of how each adversary he met would nearly result in the harm of those he’d come to care for, the frustration he felt when someone was made victim because of his choices or actions, when he’d felt helpless against silver tongued opponents who nearly made him lose sight of his path. Your hold didn’t wane or falter as he spoke, uncaring of how long it took until his words ran out, internally relishing every one that passed through his lips. It had been so long since either of you had spoken freely, let alone held one another in such a way, and though he’d tried his best to keep a clam and neutral exterior, you of all people knew just how self destructive such a face could become.

He’d had no one in this time to comfort or encourage him in the way he needed. No one had been capable to ensuring his confidence within himself was put back together when he felt lacking. There had been new friendships to help him cope with his missing memories but with them came a lacking of understanding from both parties. Several times it seemed as though he was at a loss for what he’d needed in some scenarios, despite his and their best efforts to find solutions, but that’s outside of the here and now.

Silence hung in the air once he’d finished, though it was as weightless as a feather, yet it settled over the two of you in an invisible blanket which stemmed off the chill of night. Your eyes drifted closed as his breaths slowed to an even rhythm against your skin. The tension which had been radiating off his form since your skin touched was replaced by calm acceptance. His mind must have been racing with the coming dawn that it had robbed him, and his vessel, of slumber. Even if this was all you could do for him you’d gladly accept this role.

Dawn filtered through nearby window as he finally stirred, bathing him in its colorful glow as he rose to sit upright. You would wake soon, that much he could tell from how you shifted due to his warmth now missing from your embrace. Ever so gently he brushed his lips against your temple then across each of your knuckles. The beauty he saw as you teetered on the line between dreamland and consciousness threatened to take his breath away but it could not be ignored that he had one more mission to accomplish upon this plane of existence. His turned back, however, made him miss the tear which slid down your cheek as with a crack of your eye allowed your to witness him depart.

Dressing took minimal effort, your belongings next to none since you no longer would need them come tonight, and you carefully followed the small group who were his comrades below the earth to where the Millennium items were to slumber. It seemed that none noticed you slipping within the designated space that was to be his final stage and watched with awe as not one figure but two appeared from the shadow which had been one.

With breathless abandon, you watched the duel’s twists and turns earn mixed reactions from those who watched; the tomb keepers would be freed from their ancient family duty to watch over the Nameless Pharaoh’s tomb until his return and those who were teens within high school couldn’t decide who to cheer for yet they all soon began cheering for the one named Yugi. Magic cards were activated, trap cards triggered, summons of monsters completed or prevented…

Until his life points were nonexistent.

Your breath came out in a soft exhale as defeat permeated the air. It seemed as though the other spectators were struck by the turn of events, judging from how they stared wide eyed up at the pair who crossed the space to stand mere inches apart instead of feet. Even from here you felt the waves of relief coming off the pharaoh as he offered his hand towards the boy who looked ready to weep. Whispers almost too soft for you to hear filled the air, encouraging you to come forward from your hiding place, and steeled yourself as you stepped out from the column’s shadow you’d been within. A collective exclamation rose as you remained locked upon your target, the platform which had been stage for his final duel, uncaring as a few demanded you explain how you’d come to be here. Coming to a stop beside him, you offered him a smile after bowing lowly. “Beloved, you fought valiantly.”

An uproar sounded from those who watched, despite the attempts of the tomb keepers, but silence fell as his hand rose to tuck a few fallen strands of hair behind your ear. The boy beside him was watching with wide eyed surprise as your introduction was followed by explanation of Bakura’s curse upon your memories which had wiped them clean until recently.

Your hand offered its palm to him as another smile raised your lips when he took it. “Thank you for taking care of him as he traversed upon such a path.” Hesitation filled his gaze when you drew him forward, your other hand cupping the side of his face so that his gaze wouldn’t wander from yours. “Your friendship shall not be forgotten, Yugi. Allow me to take my place at his side now as he prepares to cross the final threshold.”

He didn’t object or intervene despite his friends who spoke against your actions while releasing him, the woman tomb keeper explaining the final steps which the pharaoh needed to take in order to transcend. “I can tell you mean a lot to him, (Y/n), though I probably should say that I had my suspicions someone out in the world was looking for him ever since we returned. I’m glad you found him.”

Those who had gathered as the great stone slabs parted to reveal golden light which bathed the pharaoh in its light. His modern clothes were replaced by the ancient wardrobe you’d been more familiar with down to the royal purple mantle which billowed in the soft breeze coming from beyond the gate. Ever so faintly you could see those who had passed on during the battle centuries ago waving and awaiting the two of you with welcoming smiles. Tanned fingers gently laced themselves with yours, which you gave a gentle squeeze, your gaze rose to meet his own to find them practically glittering. Somehow your own clothes had undergone a change as well to resemble those which you’d once donned. A bend of his being brought his lips to your cheek, earning a soft hum from within your chest and a blush as he whispered how beautiful you looked, before turning his attention to those who watched with tearful gazes.

Farewells were said, smiles exchanged, your fingers giving his a squeeze as the minimal window which would allow him to finally crossover began to shorten. “Atem, my beloved, it is time. If we do not go now then we may remain within limbo.” You shared a glance with him back over your shoulders, then together the two of you stepped through the gateway.

“As I embark on this next adventure, I am thankful to the gods that we have reunited.” He brought your joined fingers up to his mouth as the golden light grew, nearly blindingly so, his lips descending upon your own when you sighed blissfully. “Let us go…together.”

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