your-dark-angel - Tumblr blog

your-dark-angel · 8 months

Note

Girl, everything you write is gold

it would be interesting to see an aku x reader who's atsushi's sister HAHAHAHAHAHA

SPECIAL | akutagawa

synopsis: akutgawa wants your attention and will do anything for it. authors note: THANK U FOR THIS REQUEST!!!! i hope i did you proud anonymous :) cw: blood, hurt/comfort, slightly obsessive aku, slightly suggestive near the end ;), atsushi!sister wc: 3k

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He wanted you. So terribly bad. Ever since he first laid eyes on you. You beautiful, elusive thing. So out of reach, like sand through his fingers. Something untouchable and for terrible reasons. You were his enemy’s sister. So in retrospect you should’ve been his enemy as well. He should possess the same hatred he feels for Atsushi but for you all he felt was a simmering want. Something searing his heart and churning his nerves. The want was too much. Like a growing sickness that he couldn’t shake. He tried to forget, after all there was no way he could ever have you. He might feel differently about you but there was no way you felt the same. Not with how many times he and your brother collided. And he would never assume those feelings had changed but you suddenly gave him hope.

After being forced to work together, he and Atsushi came to an impasse, he promised the tiger boy that he’d never hurt anyone again, at least not until they fought again. When he practically saved Atsushi and it was all said and done he saw you, pushing through to grab and hug your brother, no doubt worried for his safety. Akutagawa watched your hands shake as you held on to Atsushi, tears in your eyes. You’d been so scared of losing him, it made Akutagawa’s heart sick. To know just how scared you’d been. When you pulled back you asked him something and Atsushi reluctantly pointed back at Akutagawa. He froze when your eyes met his, froze when you swallowed and pushed past your brother and walked over to him, despite Atsushi’s objections. You cleared your throat as you closed the distance between you and him. He stared at you, wide eyed and expectant.

“You saved my brother?” You had asked. Akutagawa swallowed nervously, your attention made him feel too seen. He liked observing you from afar, but up close you were too much, like staring at the sun. He blinked, nodding his head. You kicked at the dirt, giving yourself something to look at that wasn’t his eyes. Because it felt dangerous being this close to him, knowing the history. But he did save your brother. “I know he won’t thank you but I will.” You say, bravely meeting his eyes. Akutagawa was tall, taller than you. And lean, and a bit gaunt, as though sleep had never occurred to him. He shied from your eyes, his cheeks dusting pink by the second. “Thank you for keeping him safe.” You say and he knows you mean that with every fiber of your being. Knows you love so strongly, and care so much for those you love that it actually makes him sick. Sick because he’s never had that. Never had someone to cry for him. He most likely never will. He wanted to say something scathing, something sarcastic because it was ingrained in him. To never show how he actually feels. That someone will use that against him but he can’t imagine you ever doing that. So he swallows again, clenches his jaw slightly and looks you in the eyes.

“You’re welcome.” He rasps.

The moment is charged, like electricity and tension mingling and sparking the space lying between. You take a step, dirt dusting up. Your hand raises and slides against his cheek. He’s frozen under your touch as your thumb grazes that top of his cheek bone. His lips part in a silent question, his brain speeds and slows and it's hard to form words because he’s stuck staring at your glossing lips.

“You should get this checked out.” And he now knows your referencing the nasty bruise on his cheek. He can’t form words, not with your hand softly against your cheek, not with the way your eyes are looking into his. All caring and concerned like. Someone calls your name. Atsushi looked highly perturbed by this strange interaction between you two. The warmth you’ve caused slowly grows cold as you reach back your hand and step back. He still hasn’t said a word, he’s not sure if he remembers how to speak. “Thanks again.” You say, and then you turn and walk back to your brother and Akutagawa is kicking himself for not saying anything remotely meaningful. For being lost at the way you found him. That was the spark that ignited the sick hope in his chest. You never had kind words for him before that moment but something had clearly changed. If saving your brother had caused that shift Akutagawa would do it again and again.

He saw you a few more times after that and each time you seemed different around him. It killed him when you smiled, and when you smiled at him he would be content with dying right then and there. But he had to know. He had to know if you felt the same searing want as him. He had to know if he haunted your dreams like you did his. If he was all you could think about. He had to know. Akutagawa had no experience in this. In romance, but he knew how he felt for you and knew if he didn’t do something about it he might just shrivel away to dust. So when something fell into his lap he knew he had to knock at your window.

Your eyes widened at the sight on your fire escape. A bloody Akutagawa, leaning as his hand tapped against the glass. Your heart skipped a beat. You’d given him your address months ago after he and Atsushi needed a place to lie low. He slept in your spare room and got all cagey every time you talked to him. In fact he was always like that around you. Nervous and cagey. You ran to slide the window open and pull him inside out of the rain. He was soaked, his clothes drenched, his hair sticking to his forehead and cheeks. You put your arms around him and guided him through the window as he heaved in pain.

“What the hell?” You voiced as he fell slightly limp against you, you palmed at his face, fingers pushing his hair back.

“I didn’t wake you did I?” His voice was thick as you helped him to the floor, leaning against the end of your bed. Blood smeared on your hands.

“What happened?” You asked.

“A dispute.” He started, groaning softly. “I settled it.”

“Oh, did you now?” You asked slightly sarcastically. There was no dispute, he injured himself purposely for your attention. There had to be something glaringly wrong with him for you to ever care, or at least that’s what he thought. He chuckled slowly, letting his head fall back against your bed, his eyes drifting closed. “Nuh uh.” You said and he felt your warm hands taking him by his cold cheeks and pulling him to look you in the eyes. “Don’t you dare try to sleep.” You said sharply and he swallowed, nodding his head. “I’ll be right back, okay, don’t go to sleep.” You restated as you pushed from the carpeted floor and slipped out into the hallway. Akutagawa raised his head off your bed and looked around. Books lay scattered, plants dying on the shelf, a poster or two of some old movies Akutagawa had never heard of. Your room was, in one word, comfortable. He could tell it was lived in, could tell the things in here, besides the plants, you took the utmost care of. When you entered the room again you closed and locked the door behind you. “We have to be quiet because Atsushi is passed out in the living room.” You say as you sink to the floor next to him.

“He lives with you?” Akutagawa asks as you shake your head.

“He came over for dinner and passed out, I didn’t have the heart to wake him.” You say in response as you scoot closer to him. “Okay, let’s have a look.” Akutagawa tenses suddenly. He’d stabbed his side, not deep enough to merit a hospital trip but where it was meant he’d need to raise his shirt up in front of you which made him immeasurably nervous. He watched your finger’s carefully take the hem of his shirt and raise it, exposing pale skin and red blood. You sucked in a breath as you caught sight of it. You didn’t even stop to think why he came to you and not a hospital because he needed your help, not your questions. Akutagawa inhaled sharply as you lifted the wet cloth from his wound. “Jesus.” You breathed out, biting your lip.

“You’re not gonna pass out on me are you?” He asked as you shook your head.

“No, no. I’m fine.” You say because this was nothing compared to the cuts and bruises Atsushi got sometimes. “Here, I need you to sit back a bit.” You say.

“I’ll get blood on your carpet.” He says as though that’s something you cared more about than him.

“Come on,” You urged and he let you guide him down a bit. He was more comfortable now.

“You’re gonna have to talk to me if you want me to stay awake.” He says as you carefully dabbed some gauze over the wound to soak up some blood.

“Talk about what?” You asked, your focus solely on making sure he didn’t bleed out.

“I don’t know, doc,” He teased. “What about that?” He points a hand to the book on your bedside table. You turn to look at it.

“Pride and Prejudice?” You ask and he nods his head.

“Tell me about it.” He says, closing his eyes.

“Keep your eyes on me.” You say, your finger barely touching under his chin. His eyes open into yours and you find yourself stuck for a moment. You swallow, your hands paused. “What’s wrong, doc?” He asks, breaking you out of your stupor.

“N-nothing.” You insist, eyes swinging back to the bloody mess beneath them. You reach and grab for another piece of gauze. “Uh, right, Pride and prejudice. It’s my favorite book.” You say as Akutagawa zones out, just watching your lips move. You fingers defly toss the gauze to the side, grabbing out some thread to stitch him back together. “It’s good, you should read it sometime.” You say. “Now, sit still, this is probably going to hurt.” Akutagawa must be used to pain because he doesn’t make much of a fuss whatsoever the entire time you're stitching the wound. You talked him through it the whole way and barely noticed that his hand barely gripped the side of your leg, something to keep him grounded from the pain. Once you're done you wrap him up. Going to pull off the rest of his shirt, he pinkens, stopping your hands.

“What’re you doing?” He asks.

“You need dry clothes otherwise you’ll catch a cold.” You say. Akutagawa bites the inside of his cheek.

“I should get going, don’t you think?” He asks, because he feels as though he’s taken up enough of your night.

“No, I want you to stay so I can keep an eye on you.” You say as though he should’ve known better.

“An eye on me? So I don’t hurt anyone?”

“So no one hurts you.” You correct. He stares at you for a minute.

“No one will hurt me.” He waves off as you take his hand and again he freezes.

“Stay here.” You insisted, eyes fiercely pleading. He swallows dryly, throat bobbing. He couldn’t help flicking them down to look at your lips then back up to your eyes. There was no way he was going anywhere now.

“Okay.” He whispers and lets you peel off his soaked shirt. You grab a blanket, draping it across his shoulders.

“I’ll be right back.” You say before slipping out of the door again. You're gone for about five minutes before he hears the door squeaking back open, a steaming bowl and fresh clothes in your hand. You set the bowl down and help him stand, he wavers a bit due to the loss of blood and your fingers tighten on his sides. “You okay?” You whisper and he nods. “I’ll turn while you change.” You say, carefully handing him the clean clothes. Akutagawa takes the clothes, his heart in his mouth not letting him speak. He watches you turn as he turns himself. He changes quickly, shivering as he pulls on a sweatshirt and sweatpants, feeling warmth over his cold skin.

“Okay,” He intones softly as you turn back around, you offer him a soft smile.

“Here, sit.” You offer as you sit down on your bed, he follows as you turn and hand him a bowl of warm soup. “So what really happened?” You ask as Akutagawa takes the bowl, a silent thank you passing his soft somewhat tinged blue lips.

“Some guys teamed up on me, that’s all.”

“That’s all?” You echoed. He nodded his head, not looking up from the bowl

“Okay.” You say because you didn’t feel like badgering an answer out of him, if he wanted to tell you something he would. And if you wanted to tell him you were glad he came to you he’d have to badger it out of you.

“Thank you, for ya know.” He says because he has no practice in thank you’s but he wants to get better at them. To give you a proper one.

“Anytime.” You say. “I mean it.” You add and watch him tense nervously again.

“Do you?” He asks.

“I do.” You reassure and his lips quirk up in something that was almost a smile. “We should get to bed.” You say as Akutagawa’s throat bobs.

“I can sleep on the floor.”

“We can share.” You offer, untucking your covers and moving to offer a space to him. You can see the hesitation and you almost offer to let him take the bed but slowly he lowers himself beside you. It’s quiet for a few moments, both of you knowing there wasn’t much sleep to be had tonight. The rain picked up outside, padding against the glass of the window. “Hey, Akutagawa?” Your voice asks softly beside him.

“Hmm?”

“Why’d you come to me?” She asked. He could tell in the dark that you had turned to face him, so he turned as well. In the pale light he could see was your bright eyes.

“I- I don’t know why exactly.” He answered because it was a lot simpler than telling her these complicated feelings he held for her, a lot easier than telling her he’d hurt himself to get here. “Should I have not?”

“I’m glad you came to me.” You say and your eyes lock with his. Tension building and building ever so slowly in the dark room. The bed feels too small, you can feel the heat radiating from him.

“You are?” He asks just barely a whisper in the wind. You nod her head decidedly.

“I am.” You whisper back. Akutagawa had to look away, had to turn his face away otherwise he’d kiss you. Something he’d wanted to do for a long time. Something he was scared to admit that he wanted to do because once he did it maybe he wouldn’t dream of it anymore. What if you didn’t want to kiss him, what if you didn’t feel the same? Would he not feel safe in his dreams of you anymore? Because only when you were in his dreams were they not nightmares. But he didn’t turn away, he couldn’t move an inch. Not even when you moved forwards and closed the minimal distance between your lips. You kissed him so softly, like you were afraid you’d break him. Akutagawa was shocked, so very very shocked and confused. There was no way you of all people was kissing him right now.

No fucking way.

That thought kicked out of his mind when you pulled back away from him, the warmth of your lips no longer against his own.

“Jesus---” You breathed out, voice panicky. “I’m sorry.” Your words finally snapped Akutagawa into reality. The reality he was about to fuck up if he didn’t act now.

So Akutagawa kissed the doubts right from your lips, his right hand sliding up on your cheek to keep you close to him. Your own hands pulled him by the front of his shirt. Their kisses grew desperate as Akutagawa pulled you on top of him, you made a sound that was swallowed by his mouth. They pulled away for just a moment as you pulled off your shirt, tossing it soundlessly into the dark. Akutagawa’s hands fell from her face and traced down your body, past your hips and planted on the plush of your thighs as you leaned back down against him. They couldn’t pull their clothes off fast enough. Akutagawa was practically panting as he pulled back, cheeks rosy red, lips kissed pink, you on his lap, emitting strangled gasps from him.

“Do you-- have protection?” He asked, his voice hoarse. This was going somewhere, he felt the build, knew that if he didn’t take responsibility now you might be stuck with him for life. Clumsily you leaned over, grabbing a condom out of your nightstand.

“You just have condoms on the ready?” He asked with a shy smirk.

“Gotta be ready for when men crawl through my window.” You smirked back as he threw his head back and laughed, throat exposed.

“Does this happen a lot?” He asks as you lean and kiss his throat.

“More than you think.” You jest, smoothly tearing open the packaging with your teeth.

“So you’re sayin’ I’m not special-oh fuck-” He groans as you move back just a bit, slowly sliding it on him yourself, just the bare touch of her hands caused Akutagawa to jerk and curse.

“Oh,” You lean in close to his ear, sending shivers down his spine. “You’re very very special.”

#bungo stray dogs #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs #bsd akutagawa #akutagawa x reader #akutagawa ryuunosuke

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your-dark-angel · 8 months

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Kunikida:How much until we arrive?

Dazai:*driving*

We have a little bit...

Kunikida:Oh ok.

Dazai:...to live

#anime #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #bsd fyodor #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs manga #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai x chuuya #dazai x fyodor #dazai x reader #incorrect bsd quotes #incorrect quotes #bsd kunikida #kunikida doppo

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your-dark-angel · 8 months

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Atsushi: There's good in goodbye!

Dazai:And there's fun in funeral!

#anime #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #bsd fyodor #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs manga #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai x chuuya #dazai x fyodor #dazai x reader #incorrect bsd quotes #incorrect quotes

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your-dark-angel · 8 months

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Dazai:*looking in the mirror*

Hey, handsome! I feel like you're the most worthy of all to commit double suicide with me.

*duck lips and kisses*

#anime #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #bsd fyodor #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs manga #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai x chuuya #dazai x fyodor #dazai x reader #incorrect bsd quotes #incorrect quotes

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your-dark-angel · 8 months

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— LET THE FEAR YOU HAVE FALL AWAY

RECEIVERS。nikolai gogol x fem!reader

WISHCARD。dad!nikolai deserves the happiness 🩷

BOUQUET。fluff, mild angst, babymama!reader, oc kids (yuri, mari, karol), mentions of pregnancy and abortion, focused on nikolai's pov, the setting might be confusing

PRICE。approx. 2.6k

FREEGIFT。say yes to heaven (lana del rey)

CUSTOMER。massive thanks to @quansoda! i really love what we have created and discussed 💞

“What?”

“I'm pregnant...”

You show the pregnancy test that you have put in a small transparent plastic ziplock. Nikolai laughs, shaking his head. He brushes his hair back, and he looks extremely nervous.

“You're joking.”

Your quivering eyes hearing his refusal break him, perhaps, to thousands of pieces. Nikolai could see the realization hit you. You're a smart girl, of course you could read him just as well as how he reads you — he takes you as his other half, after all.

Nikolai is a great lover. He really is. Although morally and ethically, he is not a good person, you are willing enough to keep dancing in his own maze, tangling yourself with him. Nikolai appreciates that — he really does, especially when you're one of the rare people who sees him truly beneath the jokester masquerade he puts on twenty-four seven.

But now, he feels,

angry.

He is not angry with you as much as he is with himself. How does this happen? How did you get pregnant? He's very sure that you two have taken measures before getting intimate. Of course, sometimes you two get carried away — mainly because of his actions, he will admit.

Who else does he want to blame? You? No, this is not right.

I should've known better.

He knows he can't get angry now, but he is. This news makes him frustrated, for his carelessness and his ignorance of the consequence — ah, so much for living freely, huh?

But he could avoid it. This path, this unknown path of fatherhood and family — yes, yes, I can avoid it. If only, the baby...

“Kolya?”

Your sweet voice shakes him out of his inner monologue. He looks at your face — worried about him. Even when you are dealing with something concerning yourself, you always make sure he is alright. Nikolai knows how much you adore him, and he wants to return your love full, and much greater if he could — redamancy.

Your pursed lips and your tender gaze. Your arms are around your belly. That action alone just tells Nikolai that you do wish to keep the baby. You want to have the child. But Nikolai does not. Nikolai is not ready for any of this. He expects less of this.

“Kolya, I...” your words falter as your gaze drops.

Nikolai gets angry again, at himself. He grips his hair, infuriated at how he just thought of trying to make you go through an abortion. If you do not want the baby, sure, he will support it. But in this case, you want to have it.

No, I can't talk to her right now. I can't communicate like this.

“My love.”

You look up at him. Nikolai gives you a soft smile, despite the clear frustration he showcased earlier. He tries his best to keep his voice gentle. He knows he can hurt you if he speaks the wrong way — he learned that from a mistake in the past and he oaths to himself to keep himself sound first before he communicates through this conflict.

He knows how his own emotions can affect you. He is well aware of it all.

“I... I really need some time to think about this. Please, I need—”

“I understand.” you return his smile, nodding. You know how differently Nikolai processes things. He may look silly all the time, but you know what he has been hiding beneath it all. That is why you also take the time to announce this pregnancy — Nikolai would react to this negatively.

Nikolai swallows hard. Your loving gaze is enough for him to know that you're respecting his time. He holds your shoulder, gently leading you to the bed. “I... I want you to rest, okay? Don't move so much. And I will... Uhm, I promise I'll come back to talk about this. I don't think, we should talk now...”

You almost chuckle, finding his confusion about pregnancy adorable — you're still early in pregnancy and yet he's telling you to rest and not move too much. He probably feels lost about this but you don't blame him. Perhaps he grew up without the fatherhood he needed to learn. Perhaps he grew up mainly by himself. Perhaps he learned too much as a child.

Nikolai does not know who to turn to regarding this. He wagers his choice to call a friend from the past, asking for his advice. But now he has left that past of him, trying to reach his freedom in another way, he does not think it is right to ask that person now.

Nikolai feels lost. Him, being a father? What a joke! He finds noisy toddlers annoying. He finds babies weird and slimy. He finds kids to be fun to scare — he used to prank the kids in the neighbourhood before you told him to stop after the kids cried and complained to their parents.

But Nikolai's main unanswered question is — “What am I going to do?”. He does not have experience being a father. His past still haunts him and it still puts you at risk for housing a criminal. That's just you, but what about the kid? Someday, the kid would know what their father did. He knows he can avoid that path by convincing you an abortion or he just agrees to provide you money for the kid if you want to keep the child so badly — co-parenting is normal. Furthermore, the worst he can do is just run away.

Are you going to run away — again?

“No, that's not right.”

Nikolai hates himself for even muttering those words. That's not right — who cares if it's not right? If he wants to prove his free will, he will commit what is not right! To hell with this system that dictates how he should live his life — he chooses his freedom.

And yet, it's not right.

It's not right to rob the wish for motherhood from you. It's not right to leave you alone through this pregnancy that will definitely take a toll on your physical and mental health. It's not right to leave someone he sacrifices his freedom for. It's not right to leave the person who understands him, the person who makes him genuinely happy, the person he enjoys being with.

He knows he will feel regret. He will feel sad if he leaves you. He will feel disappointed and resentful of himself. He hates those emotions.

But happiness is an emotion too. “Over happiness, I choose the freedom of my soul!” — remember?

“It's just the same as choosing between the two devils. One is a lesser devil.” Nikolai thought that deeply. Maybe, rather than being free while overwhelmed by regret, disappointment, frustration and solemnity,

Perhaps it's also fine to be free and happy.

When he confronts you about it, your reaction sparks that feeling again in his heart. The moment you hug him, crying on his chest, Nikolai feels that rush of relief and joy in his whole system. He feels the butterflies in his stomach fluttering again. It hurts, he does not know how to explain it, but it hurts so good. His chest tightens into a bundle of emotions. The smile and the tears you let go when he has decided, just convinces him that maybe, there is a way to his ideals through this bliss.

“I promise we'll get through this together...” you say as you hold his hand, kissing it. Nikolai chuckles, and his usual mischief slowly emerges, very slowly as to not scare the little songbird in front of him.

He does not promise you that he will be the best father. He does not promise you that he will be a good parent. But he does promise to do what he can.

“It's already enough for me, Kolya. I'll hold your hand and we will walk this journey together, alright? We will figure it out.”

It's a lie to say you do not notice how Nikolai feels lost, terrified about this new path he's about to take on. It's a strange new world for him. You know well about his bloody past and you did make yourself blind about it — you see the human in him that he wishes to push away so badly.

So you pull Nikolai that night, holding his face. Gently, you bring his face closer to you. He closes his eyes. Then, your lips touch softly with the scar of his eye, and he breathes slowly yet heavily.

“Fear nothing, my dear, I'll hold you forever.”

Maybe what he feels that night is the closest thing he could describe to freedom.

Even if he closes his eyes for so long, as long as he feels your touch on him, he will gladly stay in slumber.

And it is expected for someone like him to get slightly panic when he opens his eyes, only. for him to see the spot beside him is empty.

Nikolai wakes up immediately. His brain goes fresh and the dream of the past is lingering at the back of his mind. He groans when he sits up too quickly, but he does not mind that when he sees the absence of his wife.

He mutters your name, like a lost child. But really, he feels a bit lost now. Usually, you are hard to wake up early and it becomes an unspoken rule between you two that he will prepare breakfast. He knows how hard you work in your job too, so it's normal for him to take over the work in the house more.

Nikolai gets up from the bed, grabs a shirt he found on the rack and wears it. He looks around and finds a red hairtie. As he walks out of the room, he makes a quick ponytail of his long hair.

The kitchen is noisy with the voices of children. When he reaches there, he can see a girl and a boy standing on the chair, excitedly waiting for their mama.

“Papa!” Mari, his girl, cheerfully greets him. She jumps down from the chair and runs towards Nikolai excitedly. Nikolai grins and crouches, opening his arms to embrace Mari.

“Good morning, malyshka,” he says as Mari hugs him, kissing his cheek. He carries Mari into his arms as he walks to the table, seeing his youngest son, Karol, looking at him with that weird grin. He puts Mari on her chair and looks at Karol.

“Morning, Karol,” Nikolai says, ruffling his hair. Karol raises his arms, making grabby motions for some uppies. Nikolai laughs shortly at his son and carries him up too. Karol holds Nikolai's face — directly putting his tiny hand in the middle of his face and pulls Nikolai closer.

“Mwagh!” he gives Nikolai an open mouth kiss which makes Nikolai look at Karol with a rather, judging face.

“You should learn how to kiss better.”

“Stink!”

“Oh, wow. You little sh—”

“Hm? Good morning, dad.” Yuri, the first son, comes out from the kitchen with a bowl of fruits. Nikolai puts down Karol, giving him a gentle flick on his arm for the stink comment. He turns to Yuri — his second favourite victim to annoy. First is you, obviously.

Yuri, oh, dear Yuri... If only this boy knew how much dilemma his dear parents went through just from the pregnancy news...

“Morning, Yurochka! Already being a good boy, huh?” Nikolai is quick to mess with Yuri's hair. Yuri whines at the chaotic touch of his dad, especially when he is the only one who has showered — he grows up quickly and Nikolai is more than happy to teach him a lot.

“Kolya, don't tease the boy so much.”

Ah, finally.

Finally, that's the voice he waits for.

He looks at you — and, O' Heavens... Nikolai could stare at you forever. You are just gorgeous, with that pair of shorts, the loose tee that actually belonged to him and the messy hair, and it's barely ten in the morning.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

You shoot him a confused look as you put down the jug of cold milk on the table for the kids. You rub your face and chuckle at him. “What beautiful? I haven't showered yet.”

“You're.... always beautiful, always so pretty,” he says, voice slow and dreamy. He looks at you with the softest smile and hazy gaze. “I want to stare at you all night, really.”

You huff a shy giggle. “That sounds stalker-ish. Tsk, tsk.” you pinch his nose lightly, only for him to scrunch his face cutely. “I'll go and make some coffee for us two,” you say before you peck his cheek sweetly.

“Mam! Papa so stink!”

You burst a laugh at Karol's comment while Nikolai only grumbles, dissatisfied. Karol cackles at his dad, raising his cup high. “Papa, zero! Karol, won!”

“Huh? I don't agree with any competition!”

“Big words! No, no, no!”

“Karol, be quiet and give me your cup.” Yuri scolds lightly and Karol coos sadly as he gives Yuri his blue cup so his older brother can pour the milk for him.

You laugh again, almost leaning to Nikolai's chest at your kids' theatrics. Nikolai's heart melts almost immediately and he wishes he could hold you right now, but no matter how shameless he is in public, definitely he feels a bit shy in front of his kids.

You leave the dining table and to the kitchen. Nikolai watches you until your figure disappears but his stare is not for long when Mari tugs his shirt. He turns to his little princess quickly. “Yes, malyshka?”

“Papa, I want strawberries,” she says and Nikolai notices the fruit bowl only has blueberries and grapes. Mari loves strawberries but he remembers there are no more strawberries in the fridge. You never leave Mari's favourites so he expects there's no more in the stock.

“I'll see if there's any strawberry. If there's none, you eat the fruits, m'kay? Mama already prepared it for you.” Nikolai says softly. Mari nods and grins.

“Okay, papa.”

Nikolai walks to the kitchen, glancing one last time at the table. Three kids — three small kids who are from his blood. If he had told himself several years ago that this sight was possible, he would laugh so hard, ridiculing the impossible.

But here he is, in a house, complete and content. The joy of the noises from kids he never thought he would have and the peace he still holds tightly.

Ridiculous, ridiculous. I wish this is a dream, but it's not — here I am still on this path that feels right. It feels right to stay here. It feels right to be in this time.

“Darling?”

Nikolai turns to you. As soon as he sees you, he knows it does not feel right.

It is right.

Abruptly, he stumbles toward you, leading you deeper to hide yourselves in the kitchen. Nikolai leans forward, pulling you close and hugs you tight. He nuzzles his nose against your neck, inhaling your scent that reminds him of home.

“Kolya, you okay?” you ask softly as you hug him back, returning his love in full.

Nikolai is just silent. Just the two of you hugging in the kitchen, with your kids enjoying their breakfast. You are swaying in the hug, perhaps to the melody of the chirping birds, or perhaps to the happy giggles and cackles out of the kitchen.

“I love you so much,” Nikolai mumbles and you hum, tilting your head to kiss him and your lips could only reach his neck and jaw.

“I love you too, very much so,” you whisper.

“Fear nothing, I'm here.”

What he feels right now is the serenity he's yearning for, the freedom he's reaching for.

And if this is the cage he's trapped with, he will gladly stay inside — haven.

©cherikolya 2023 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

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your-dark-angel · 9 months

Text

Kunikida:So what do we do when we are feeling depressed?

Dazai:Commit suicide!

Kunikida:No!

Dazai:Ohh!I got it! Beg a beautiful girl to commit double suicide with you!

Kunikida:I'm done

#anime #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #bsd fyodor #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs manga #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai x chuuya #dazai x fyodor #dazai x reader #incorrect bsd quotes #incorrect quotes

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your-dark-angel · 9 months

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SECRET | akutagawa

synopsis: the port mafia has a fight club and you can't wait to get your hands on akutagawa authors note: it was only a matter of time. i am obsessed with akutagawa right now and have no idea where this idea came from. pls i hope you enjoy. cw: VERY suggestive, violence, blood, scars, cussing, fluff wc: 4.9k

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The tension in the air was thick enough to choke anyone within a mile radius. It pulsated like a cornered predator just biding time till it attacked. You stood in the middle of the mat, digging your fingers into your thighs. Anxiousness flooded your body. Every few weeks two members of the port mafia would fight, excluding their powers, you used swords instead, and during that fight, anything goes, even killing your opponent. You could live by yielding to your opponent but most of the time your opponent didn’t care to let that happen.

Today was the day of your fight against Akutagawa. You two fought, verbally, like cats and dogs, him being more like a cat. He irked you. Pretended like he knew everything and that you were some stupid lowly goon. If he was able to use his powers he would for sure wipe the floor with you. But since it was forbidden you could finally do what you had been craving since the moment you met the pompous bastard.

Your viciousness met Akutagawa’s cruelty. Unfortunately you two did make a good team, you worked well together on missions but the moment things settled you were at each other's necks again. He always made you feel inferior for not having a strong offensive ability, you had a healing ability.

Just a few feet from you one of the port mafia members was explaining the rules. Over half the gang was here, waiting in excitement to see the fight. They wanted blood, they wanted a show. You were gonna give them one. It was no secret you hated Akutagawa and vice versa. You both were so similar, you both had things you wanted to protect or achieve, and would do so with everything in your power. You couldn’t wait till you pinned him against the mat and showed him just how wrong he was.

You circled each other, Akutagawa’s face impassive. You hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep the night before because you were strategizing. You knew it was kill or be killed on the mat today. You knew you both wouldn’t be walking out of here alive, you were prepared for the worst. You could see the urge to kill in his eyes. It reflected tenfold in your own. You’d been itching to finally put this asshole in his place, six feet under. Just at the thought the corners of your mouth rose up slightly. Akutagawa’s icy gaze drifted down to your mouth and with keen eyes you saw him swallow, usually a telltale sign of nerves. You struck right at that moment. That nervous bobbing of the throat, you’d slit it in a second if you could. IT was a good call because Akutagawa’s gaze had lingered for a moment too long and wasn’t ready to block any blows.

You swung your sword in a wide arc, Akutagawa’s sword just barely stopping your blow as metal clangs together. Akutagawa was damn surprised at just how much power you put behind that swing. If he had waited even a millisecond longer you would’ve sliced him clean in half.

You were out for blood. You stopped holding back and all the times Akutagawa had thought he could ever beat you on this mat felt completely and utterly foolish in this moment. You were stronger than him in every way that mattered. And just as Akutagawa foolishly wondered if surrendering would save his life, you faked out left, swiping his feet out from under him, he grabbed anything near his hand which just so happened to be your shirt and pulled you down hard on top of him. He heard your sword clatter to the ground and for a stupid moment thought you’d lost grip of it. But instead you’d dropped it for one of your many knives sheathed at your hip because you both were closer now.

He remembered months ago you were fighting someone who stupidly tried to lock you in a headlock, you drove your knife into their forearm just as Akutagawa sent the guy flying. You griped at him because you weren’t able to retrieve your knife and that knives are better for closer range.

Akutagawa snapped back to reality and forcefully rolled over so that he was on top. He knew if you caught him trapped below you that you’d sink that pretty knife into his neck. You slashed just as Akutagawa raised his hand to block, the blade sliced through the meat of his hand. He gasped in pain, losing momentum.

He’d fought so many others and never once had he hesitated this damn hard, it was as though he was fighting someone he didn’t want to hurt. But it was you, you represented everything he hated about the world. If he didn’t kill you, you’d kill him.

You had him back on his back in seconds, scratch that it was like the blink of an eye, entirely too fast for him to even begin to react. Your body pressed tightly against his, your knife at his throat. You looked wild, a murderous glow in your eyes.

You had never looked more beautiful. In the mingling of fear came the stabbing pain of want. No no no, Akutagawa thought, no he hated you, that’s what these feelings were, pure… hatred. Your body on top of his, he hissed when you swiveled your hips to get a better hold of him. He felt the cold tip of your knife pressed to his throat, something dangerous in your eyes. His entire body felt as though it was on fire. He gazed up at you and saw something he’d never seen before. Why was this happening to him now, in the most dangerous of situations.

“Yield.” You whispered between them. So maybe you weren’t out for blood after all, you could very easily kill him, your knife pressed against him a bit harder to really punctuate your sentence. Akutagawa stared at you like an idiot. You pressed harder, drawing blood. “Yield or I will slit your throat from ear to ear.” He blinked, Jesus what a macabre thing to say, he thought.

“I yield.” His voice was uneven and scratchy. God's something had infected him. Some sickness from deep within, worse than the one he already had.

“Louder.” You growled, improving your grip on the knife, your eyes locked then. He blushed, actually blushed under the scrutiny of your hard determined gaze. He wished then you’d just kill him, kill him before he put meaning to what all these feelings were.

“I yield.” He spoke louder at your request.

A silence fell over the hall but honestly he’d forgotten people had been even watching at all. Your face morphed beautifully into a sadistic grin. You didn’t remove your knife, or your body and Akutagawa stupidly wished you would stay like this. Because besides fighting like this he’d never be this close to you ever again, you’d kill him before that could happen.

Winning looked good on you, so so good. You rose off of him as port mafia members walked over, clapping you against the back, congratulating you. Akutagawa rose shakily to his feet, everyone looked right through him at you. He assumed most people thought he was going to win, that he’d kill you today, but in the end it was his life in your hands. You could’ve killed him, it was a hundred percent legal. He wondered if he’d been strong enough to resist the urge to kill you if the roles were reversed or if he would’ve made a fool out of himself.

Akutagawa staggered away from the crowd forming around you, his heart in his throat when his eyes locked with his Mori’s. The unchecked fury shone like a fire. Akutagawa knew he was in for a beating tonight for losing but for once he didn’t care. He looked back over at you and for a moment you met his eyes, something sparked in the distance between. You narrowed your eyes, the hate in them was unmistakable. He looked away first this time.

Akutagawa laid on his bed later that night, an ice pack on his bruised ribs. Mori laid into him hard this time. Akutagawa closed his eyes against the forming emotions. He wanted to shut them off, pretend they’re not there, that he felt nothing. Akutagawa had guarded his own heart for so long that sometimes he wondered if he still had one, if it hadn’t withered out of his chest yet. But the way it beat today on the mat… it was a sore reminder that he did. These idiotic feelings has been brewing for a while now, ever since you two were on a mission months ago and you'd gone out of your way to save him. He'd lost hope, felt the clutch of death but then there you were, pulling him back into the light. You looked so worried, you healed him with shaking hands and kept close to him the rest of the night. He'd thought about that night over and over and over. The look on your face when you found him clinging to life, how your voice shook when you said everything was going to be okay. He only knew the you that had endless composure, he never thought you could actually care.

A knock sounded at his door. He didn’t move, it was probably one of the members inviting him to train or something stupid. He decided he’d pretend to be asleep. They knocked again, harder this time. He flinched. That knock was angry. Was Mori coming back for seconds? He rose, wanting to just get it over with but when he opened the door his eyes met yours. He couldn’t help the surprise showing on his face. How he was laying in bed thinking about you and now here you were. Your hair wet from the rain. He also was too shocked to block the kick you sent against his abdomen. It sends him sprawling back, crashing to the floor in his room, scattering the chairs at his table in the wake. You walk forwards, slamming his door behind you.

“What the hell?” Akutagawa forces out, pain splintering through his body.

“Get up.” You directed, eyes blazing. You approached him and he scrambled back slightly, scared.

“Y/n-“ You expertly slid your knife out, it was almost like a magic trick with how smoothly it appeared.

“Get. Up.” You punctuated. He stared out at you dumbfoundedly. He could eaasily use his powers to fight you off but he didn't. You wanted a round two? He tried pushing himself to his feet but the pain in his stomach told him that you either badly bruised him or broke his ribs.

“I can’t.” He growled at you. Your jaw tightened and with one swift movement you were straddling his thighs, your knife in its favorite spot just below his chin. You were so close he wondered if you could hear the thundering of his heart.

“You let me win.” You growled. That’s why you were here? Akutagawa didn’t trust his voice, he was able to mask the emotions on his face but his voice would betray him. He shook his head. “Liar!” You growled, pushing your knife harder against his skin. He flinched and swallowed unevenly.

What could he say to you that would make you believe him? His brain melted at your closeness, your cruel face up close, all its sharp edges offset by your soft lips. He didn’t notice he was staring until you pressed the knife closer, drawing blood. His eyes snapped back up to yours. You looked at him in a way he’d never seen. You accessed him with careful attention. “What’s wrong with you?” You asked. He didn’t know how to answer that. He’d gone mad clearly. One moment he couldn’t stand you and now he can’t stop thinking about you. Clearly something was very, very wrong with him. He swallowed, throat bobbing.

“I’m- not myself right now.” Akutagawa said, his voice betraying him. He felt out of control. Your lips parted, the press of the knife against his neck slackened just slightly.

Reason flew right out the window and despite the threat of the knife still close to his neck he pushed further against it and pressed his lips to your own. Pain and pleasure surged through him, like electricity shocking his entire body. In the madness he decided if you were going to kill him he’d at least kiss you once in his life.

For a moment you didn’t move, obviously stunned at this little display of affection. It was only when he felt the knife in your hand move completely away from his neck that his mind truly broke. Broke even more when it clattered to the floor and you choose to pull him closer rather than push him further away. The kiss was hot and all consuming. His hands found sanctuary on your thighs and you were coaxed entirely too easily into his lap, your core hot against his own.

“Fuck,” he groaned against your mouth. He was painfully hard and an embarrassed flush heated his cheeks. Akutagawa slid his hands up your body and pulled you impossibly close.

This all felt like a fever dream, that at any moment he’d wake alone in his bed. But this was real, the sound that escaped your lips when he adjusted himself below you was downright filthy. You couldn’t help but also move against him, to relieve some pressure building within you. Akutagawa whimpered, embarrassed at the noise when he thought you were pulling back in surprise but instead you pushed him fully to the ground, your body caging his. Jesus if anyone walked in right now they might think the world was ending.

Akutagawa pushed his knee up between your legs and you gasped into his mouth. With quick precision he flipped you over to your back, ignoring the all consuming pain in his ribs. He’d rather die than leave this moment. Pinned beneath him, you reached for the collar of his shirt, your cold fingers deftly undoing the buttons, his hands ventured down your body and paused when you made a sound. He slipped his hands under the waistband of your pants and you gasped at the warmth of his hands.

Hours ago you were planning to kill him, fifteen minutes ago you were planning to force him to fight you again, but right now? You're not sure how you ended up in this position. In some ways this was a fight. You ripped the shirt off, damning the last few buttons as he fully dipped his hand lower, muffling your moans as he pressed his mouth against your own.

This was madness, your nails digging into his shoulder blades. He didn’t care if he’d get off from this; he just wanted to see your face wholly unguarded and not scowling. He had zero control in the fight today but he held all the control right here. This truly was fucking crazy.

Suddenly there was a sharp knock on the door and as though a bucket of cold water had followed, you snapped back to reality. You shoved Akutagawa off of you, fumbling for your knife. He watched you in a daze, still so pretty, your cheeks flushed as your eyes morphed into slits.

“What the fuck?” You asked out of breath. There was another knock.

“Akutagawa sir? Are you awake?” It was Higuchi. Akutagawa was at a loss of words.

“Y/n-“ he managed but you slid your dagger like stare at him.

“Don’t say a fucking word. This did not happen.” You growled as you zipped your pants back up and shakily moved to your feet. Akutagawa tried getting to his feet but suddenly remembered the pain in his ribs and cursed, you noticed him in pain, knowing you'd caused it. There was another knock.

“Akutagawa? Is everything okay in there?” Akutagawa groaned, throwing his head back startled suddenly by your cold hands.

“What’re you-“

“Hush.” You snapped, you laid a hand on his ribs. He felt his bones mending. You lended some of your power to him. He swallowed dryly, watching you, something mingling in his chest, a stirring of sorts. You'd done this before and it had the same affect back than as it had right now. He had the strongest impulse to kiss you again but that moment felt like he had dreamt it. Your cold fingers gripped him by the chin, forcing his eyes to meet yours. “You’re going to ask for a rematch tomorrow and this time if you go easy on me I will kill you.” You growled, pushing him back.

“Akutagawa sir, please I just need to know your alright!” Higuchi called through the door. Akutagawa watched your face, the amusement lining your features.

“She’s a persistent one.” You say, tucking your knife into the band of your pants. You threw open the door as Higuchi stumbled back in surprise.

“Y/n? What’re you-“ You shouldered past her, disappearing down the hallway.

Higuchi stood there stunned for a moment before turning back. She observed the state of Akutagawa, torn shirt, hair mussed, lips pink and she raised a brow. Akutagawa ignored it and pushed himself to his feet as Higuchi scrambled inside, clicking the door shut behind her. “Were you and Y/n-“

“Don’t even finish that sentence.” Akutagawa snapped as he pulled off the rest of his torn shirt, tossing it aside to grab another one.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Nothing was happening.” Akutagawa snapped, running a hand down his face. “Was there something you needed?”

“I saw you hurt after talking to Mori, I just wanted to check in on you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Did she heal you?” Higuchi asked sourly. Akutagawa clenched his jaw. This was no one’s business.

“I’m going to bed soon so you should leave.”

“She’s bad news, sir, I’m sure you know that. And on the mat today, the Akutagawa I know would’ve stopped at nothing to kill her. What happened?” Akutagawa clenched his jaw. That was true. But still, this was no one’s business. “It wouldn’t be the first time you tried killing her.” Something twisted in Akutagawa’s chest. He had tried to kill you, multiple times but you were strong, stronger than anyone he’s ever met. He was told to hate you, that if he didn’t kill you first you kill him but when that moment arose you showed mercy. Akutagawa swallowed dryly at the thought. His thoughts twisted. He felt sick to his stomach and foolish that the person he’d been told to hate didn’t hate him back, at least hate him enough to kill him. You kissed him just as hard as he kissed you, you were just as eager to crack him open as he was with you. The noises you made sprung to his thoughts, blushing his cheeks. God he was a fucking idiot.

“There is nothing to talk about. She thought I went easy on her-“

“Which you did.” Higuchi says, earning another glare.

“My mind was elsewhere.“ Akutagawa said.

“Your mind was in the same place as your eyes. Glued to her.”

“You’re wrong and you should leave, I’m tired.” Akutagawa grunts out.

“Prove it then. Kill her tomorrow.” Higuchi says. Akutagawa’s head snaps towards her. “Prove she means nothing.” Akutagawa’s stomach twisted as he stared at the serious look on Higuchi’s face. This time if you go easy on me I will kill you. You had said that and the look in your eyes felt like you meant it but the way you kissed him, how you pulled him impossibly close, let him flip over on top and unwind you from the inside… That didn’t seem like something you’d do with someone you truly truly hated.

“If you don’t challenge her I think I might-“

“Nobody touches her.” Akutagawa growls suddenly, more angry than he had been in a while. “Leave now, I won’t ask again.”

The next time Akutagawa saw you it was across the mat. You had this look in your eyes, something Akutagawa couldn’t decipher fully. He knew you were accessing him, possibly wondering in the back of your mind what last night meant, if it meant anything at all. Akutagawa wondered the same thing. He watched you slide a knife into your hand like magic, watched you twirl it around tauntingly. He recalled that knife pressed to his throat the night before.

Going easy on you was insulting, he’d try his best to not get distracted this time. Flashes of the night before spring to your mind, your heart skittering. But these flashes only served to better your resolve. Whatever happened last night you were glad it was interrupted, there’s no telling what Akutagawa’s endgame was. You were embarrassed you let it go so far. More embarrassing that it felt so damn good to kiss him, to have his hands on your body, roaming, the proof of how badly he wanted you… How badly you wanted him. But you couldn't call his bluff without revealing your own.

You tightened your jaw and lashed out, not waiting for an opening and not letting your thoughts wander any longer. Akutagawa moved to parry you, swords colliding in a loud clanging of steel. Akutagawa swished his sword, the tip of it catching your cheek, blood trickling down your face but you didn’t even seem to notice. You shoved him with the brunt of your sword and kicked out your leg sending him crashing backwards into the mat. Akutagawa rolled back on his feet and swirled his sword around. You locked eyes and he raised a brow, taunting you.

So that’s what his endgame was, to distract you with whatever tension that grew between the both of you. Well two could play at that game. You remembered how easily you’d taken him out in close quarters. A vicious grin spread across your lips as you dove towards him, knocking him slightly off balance, you were as swift as a fox as you swept his feet from under him. He fell to the mat but not before he could get a leg between yours. It was as fast as a blink. Somehow Akutagawa’s momentum gave him the upper hand as he took you down to the mat. You felt his hand on your thigh and your cheeks heated. He pressed an elbow against your neck pinning you to the mat. You felt the cold press of steel and anger as well as something else bloomed inside the pit of your stomach. He’d stolen your knife and had it pressed against your neck. Your throat bobbed. Everyone around held their breaths. Was this the moment Akutagawa finally killed you?

“Yield.” He whispered in your ear, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. Anger burst through you. He was still playing games! Weeks ago he would’ve slit your throat. You’d rather die than admit defeat. You raise your chin slightly, giving Akutagawa better access to your throat. His eyes sparked, his lips parting. “Yield, Y/n.” He prompted but you didn’t say a word, just looked at him with intensity. Akutagawa knew then and there you wouldn’t yield, that you’d rather him slit your throat. His mouth dried, he felt the eyes on him. Fuck it, he’d rather embarrass himself than kill you.

“Please, y/n.” He whispered desperately, his pleading eyes morphing into want. He heard your breath stagger, watched your angry eyes soften. It was a long moment. You swallowed.

“I yield.” You say. He doesn’t prompt you to say it louder, just moves off of you shakily. You push to your feet as the members around begin to clap. Your eyes never leave one another’s as he hands back your knife. You takes it and before he can say anything you turn from him, pushing past the crowd. He watches until you disappears past the double doors.

This time it wasn’t you knocking at Akutagawa’s door but Akutagawa knocking at yours. It was days later, he hadn’t seen you around. He wouldn’t put it past you to hold a grudge but he had to see you. He’d barely slept, feverish with the thoughts of you. He’d waited at least a full minute after the knock and thought for sure either you were asleep or ignoring the knock. Akutagawa swallowed dryly, he turned from the door, not wanting to bother you just as the door to the stairs was pushed open. You shoulder the door out of your way and kick it closed behind you. You stop at the sight of Akutagawa.

“What’re you doing here?” You ask into the space between you. Akutagawa suddenly forgets his reason for being here other than he was yearning to see you.

“Looking for you.” He answers truthfully, he was in no mood for games anymore.

“Congrats, you saw me.” You hiss, moving past him to your door, Akutagawa catches your wrist and that same intensity from those few nights ago flared in this moment.

“Can we talk?” Akutagawa whispers in a hushed tone, sending chills around your body. You pull your arm from his loose grip and turn sharply to face him, underestimating just how close you both already were. Your words falter for a heartbeat of a second.

“I don’t wanna talk.” You say, the air thickens by the very second. Akutagawa fixes you with a look. A suggestive one, his eyebrow raises.

“We don’t have to talk then.” He says and regret grips his stomach. He spoke without really thinking. Whatever had happened between you both could’ve meant nothing to you, you could shut him out and that’d be it. He’d rather you hate him than feel nothing at all.

“What’s your game?” You hiss in a whisper. Akutagawa furrows his brows.

“Game?”

“Yes, game.” You snap. “What’re you playing at?”

“I’m not playing at anything.” Akutagawa says truthfully. You look angry at the response although you always looked a bit piqued.

“Bullshit.” The air between you thickens even more if possible. Akutagawa steps into your space, he never noticed how much taller he was than you. You seemed larger than life sometimes. One of the best fighters but right now you were just a blushing girl, a devastatingly beautiful one at that. Your eyes shined as Akutagawa put his arm above you on the door frame.

“You want the truth, Y/n?” Akutagawa whispers huskily. Your eyes met his, his heart aching, body itching to touch you but he kept the minimal distance between. “Well?” He prompts teasingly. “Use your words.”

“Screw you, asshole.” You hiss, Akutagawa’s lips pull up into a smirk. And with that he presses closer into your space.

“Truth is… I think about you. Day and night. Every fucking hour and minute. I think about your cruel mouth and sharp stare. I think about your eyes and your body and how you press your knife just here,” Akutagawa takes your hand and pulls it up to his neck, tracing the scars you’ve given him. Your anger seems to be subdued by something stronger. When he lets go of your wrist your hand stays on his neck. His free hand reaches and traces the small scratch left from his sword on your cheek. “I think about how you should’ve killed me and didn’t. Is this enough truth for you?”

“What is it you’re confessing?”

“You’re not stupid. You know what I’m confessing.”

“Use your words.” You throw back at him. A wicked smile tugs at the edges of his lips.

“Open your door and I’ll show you.” He says and it takes you a moment to register the words. Slowly you turn, pulling out your keys and pushing them into the lock. When you turn the knob and push it open, Akutagawa’s hands are on your waist, turning you around to face him as he crashes his lips against yours. You both fumble inside, Akutagawa’s hand catching the door and slamming it shut as he presses your back into it. His mouth trails kisses from your lips down the side of your face to your neck, your fingers digging into his shoulders.

“This stays a secret.” You gasp.

“Mhm.” Akutagawa rasps, he would have agreed to anything you said at this moment. You push him back slightly, his dazed eyes looking into yours.

“I mean it. Not a single soul.” You say with intensity. Akutagawa nodded.

This time it was you who pulled him to your lips. You pushed him back towards your bed, ripping off his shirt before shoving him back into the mattress. You toss your own shirt to the side and go to unbutton your pants. Akutagawa, unable to wait any longer for the press of your body to his own, leans up and grabs you by the waistband of your pants pulling you flush on top of him. You laugh at his nonexistent patience. You could see it all so clearly now. He wanted you terribly bad. You felt a rush at that.

Your bodies moved desperately against one another, friction intensifying. Out there there was a push and pull of power between you, it seemed to follow in here as well. You struggled against who’d be on top, who pressed who further into the bed, who made the other feel more. It was intoxicating. You’d keep him as a secret for as long as you could.

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