zoemurph

[zoemurph]

my first self published book, less than three, is now available as both an ebook and a printed book! 

Ren has been in love with his best friend for the past three years. He has no intention of confessing, but he can’t seem to move on. Calliope has spent most of her life dancing. She’s decided to put other interests before it now, but it’s hard to let go of something she fought so hard for. Ingrid plans to start over in college, to go beyond what held her back in high school. It’s much easier in theory than in practice. Less Than Three is a collection of three short stories about a group of friends. Together, they shoulder their way through romance, all-nighters, and the occasional dragon.

less than three is about a group of lgbt college kids and deals with pining, mental health, and growing up. if that interests you, please consider checking it out!!! print versions are available through amazon!

amazon // elsewhere // goodreads

#not deh

[zoemurph]

hey everyone, tomorrow i’m gonna delete my unfinished deh fics from ao3 just cause it’s something i gotta do for myself. you’re welcome to download any that you want to save, but yeah here’s your like 15 hour warning

#be quiet #so thisll be #all this nothing; this bites; and #blistering feet

[zoemurph]

would you be open to having someone else try to write out the ending of to have a friend in a little more detail? obvs the writing style wouldn't be a perfect match and it probably wouldn't come out exactly the way you pictured it but i just hate to see it unfinished. it could even just stand as like. a fanfic of your fanfic lol

yeah go wild, honestly, i don’t mind at all. all i ask is that you tag this blog and my main ( @transanabeth ) if you post it on tumblr so that i can reblog it, and if you post it on ao3, mark that it’s inspired by thaf so it’ll automatically link it at the end of thaf so other people can find it too. here’s that section on ao3 if you’ve never done a remix/insp fic before: 

i’m really sorry i couldn’t finish the fic more for you all, but i hope you did enjoy at least the concept of the ending

#to have a friend #thaf #answered #not deh #Anonymous #Thanks from the Argo!

[zoemurph]

hi everyone! thank you so much for your support of my writing over the past few years. i’ve decided to step away from fandom and focus on original work, mostly for my mental health (fandom is way stressful), and plan on making all of my sideblogs private in the near future. all my fics will remain up on ao3, but this blog will no longer be able to be accessed. 

i will be active on my main ( @transanabeth ), but if you’re JUST interested in my writing, you can either check out one of my other socials linked above or subscribe to my mailing list. 

i do have several aus that i originally thought up for this fandom that i put on the backburner to convert into original projects (if anyone remembers h.a.g.s., that’s one of them) so if you’re interested in similar content to what i’ve posted here at some point in the future, maybe consider checking me out elsewhere to stay in touch. 

you all have been really really wonderful, thank you so much for following, reading, and understanding!

want to stay up to date on my original content? see my next reblog for more information!

#not deh #official stuff

[zoemurph]

Hi!! Thank you so much for thaf. I know you’ve been though a lot and I just wanted to thank you for giving us what you had. The whole story was absolutely beautifully written; you have genuine talent. I’ve sent you like two asks before and I’ve been reading it for over a year,,, it’s been there for my lowest lows and highest highs. Thank you so much for everything 💛💛💛

Shit I totally forgot to ask in the last ask,,, uhhh like a year ago I asked if you would want art from thaf,, would that still be appropriate to give you? Or should I just throw a zoey at you? Thank you! 💛

ahh thank you so much... i’m really amazed at how many people have said that it’s been there for them, because that’s just so wild.. i’m really glad i could support you in some way and i’m glad that everyone seems to have enjoyed the ending, even if it wasn’t written  

and yeah that’s totally still appropriate if you want to! i would cry if you sent me anything honestly

#answered #thaf #Anonymous #Thanks from the Argo!

[zoemurph]

I wanted to thank you for writing thaf. A lot of my bad days have been made better by reading it. I could see myself in the characters and knowing I wasn’t alone in dealing with mental illness made it a little easier to pick myself back up and keep going. You really brought the characters to life and inspired me to get back into writing again, something that I had become extremely hard to find motivation to do. So thank you.

(part 2) So thank you. You’ve helped me more than you can ever know, and I’m so thankful that you made the decision to share what you did of this story. I wish you every success in your future writing and hope it gives you as much joy and strength as your writing has given your readers.

i’m really glad that thaf could help you in some way, and i’m so glad that you’ve been motivated to start writing again!! i hope you continue to write and heal

#answered #thaf #whovian1994 #Thanks from the Argo!

[zoemurph]

"i die, the end" a MOOD

it’s what i had written there when i finished the outline like.....before the fourth chapter. it still feels pretty accurate so i decided to keep it

#answered #not deh #Anonymous #Thanks from the Argo!

[zoemurph]

hi everyone, i know it's been ages, but i really wanted to put this up. i decided that i wasn't going to be able to finish writing this fic because of my life, what was discussed in the previous chapter, and just not being very invested in this fandom anymore. but since i did have a pretty fleshed out outline and a lot of bits written ahead of time, i decided to compile them all into this chapter. i know it's not the same, but i felt really bad completely abandoning this work so close to the end.

thank you so much to everyone who stuck through this whole mess. i hope you can find something enjoyable out of this and that it's a satisfying conclusion to this story, even if it's not fulfilled in the way it was intended to be.

warnings: mentions of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, a past suicide attempt, minor drug references

#thaf #to have a friend #deh #dear evan hansen #convan #tree bros #evan hansen #connor murphy #deh fic #my fics #thank you guys

[zoemurph]

the ‘a little less alone’ zine is now available for free!

i drew the cover for this galaxy girl zine!! it was a lot of fun, and i really loved drawing these girls <3 see my reblog for a link to the zine!!

#my art #zolana

[zoemurph]

hey everyone, i just wanted to let you know that i’m not going to be finishing thaf and will be making this blog private. before i do that, i wanted to know if you would rather i leave thaf as it is, or if you would like me to upload the outlines for the last 3 chapters on ao3. i know it’s not the same, but it’s all i can think of. let me know!

[zoemurph]

if you want to delete you could just orphan the works so fans can still find them

yeah i’ve also considered that, but having them up and not being credited is just as bad as the other options? maybe that’s selfish, but i’ve written like over half a million words on ao3, and even if i’m terrified of people judging my professional writing based on them, it’s also scary to think people could read stuff i put so much of myself into and not know who i am

#answered #not deh #does any of this make sense i dont think it does #i have anxiety #Anonymous

[zoemurph]

Tbh, dont worry about finishing THAF the where it's at rn is fine. Angsty endings are👌👌👌

thank you, i appreciate the support. it’s just knowing that there’s three more chapters left and i once had every intention of writing them bothers me a bit. especially since this is the year i’ve decided to step away from fan content and start making original stuff

we’ll really have to see because i don’t know what to do

#answered #thaf #i like. im v stressed about self publishing #and i keep wondering if i should delete my ao3 #but i know that some people like my fics #so im really torn #and i hate knwing i have so many unfinished projects #Anonymous

[zoemurph]

How are you doing?

i’m tired and stressed, but i think i’m doing better. school starts up again tomorrow and i’ll be doing online courses this semester, so we’ll have to see how that goes

#i still don't know if i'm finishing thaf #i thnk about what i should do a lot #answered #Anonymous #Thanks from the Argo!

[zoemurph]

an animatic that i never finished from december 2017

#here too bc its relevant to anyone paying attention to this blog i suppose

[zoemurph]

decided just to upload this unfinished animatic from january this year

#my art #animatics #hi just getting things off my laptop

[zoemurph]

Does the family have a GoFundMe?

no, not currently, but i’ll let you know if they end up making one. 

#not deh #answered #Anonymous #Thanks from the Argo!

[zoemurph]

deh, thaf, and real life

if you reblog this post i will block you with no hesitation. 

warnings for discussion of mental health, drugs, overdoses, death, and other possibly upsetting topics. please stay safe

at the end of last week, i announced that to have a friend would be going on hiatus. this is because my best friend’s older brother was found dead in his apartment on friday. he died of an overdose

i found out on my way into work. i work in the small business that friend’s mom owns. i answered the phone and my friend, who i’m gonna call x, was crying, and the first thing she said to me was “surprise, i’m coming home this weekend” 

the thing about that short conversation that struck me the most was her saying “i always thought about this happening, but now it’s real” 

her brother, who i’ll call y, struggled with bullying and mental health for most of his life. he dealt with drug addiction and most recently, he had a psychic break and was hospitalized for hallucinations. i remember leaving an assembly about drugs with x because she was crying so much, i remember her telling me that she used to threaten to run away if her mom didn’t kick y out the house

we all thought y was doing better. he had a job that he really liked, he was an artist, and we never really talked, but i saw him helping around his mom’s business sometimes when he came up to visit. 

i don’t have to say the parallels. you can see them yourself. 

and it’s not even just parallels that i’ve drawn. some of them x has drawn herself. she connects very strongly to zoe. requiem is a song that’s incredibly personal to her. due to these, i’ve made my requiem animatic on youtube private out of respect for the family, because i was depicting situations she has lived through. 

not only that, but i saw dear evan hansen with x and her mother. she’s one of the reasons i got so invested in deh. i remember her getting so mad at heidi, because even though heidi tried her best, she lives as a single mother with a mentally ill child and was angry when heidi yelled. i remember x and her curled up together sobbing during so big, so small because it hit so close to home 

i cannot divorce dear evan hansen from x and y. i cannot divorce zoe and connor from x and y. 

i have used this story and this fandom to process so many of my emotions, but this is something that i can’t process through this format. i have so many wips that truly just feel insensitive and horrible to continue writing, because they feel too close to home, because no matter what i write, i can’t bring y back 

if you’ve read this far, the family is asking for people to donate to shatterproof, an organization dedicated to treating addiction and supporting addicts. if you are able to, i’d appreciate it if you’d consider donating to their cause

i’ll try to finish thaf at some point, but i don’t want to make any promises. if you’re interested in seeing my writing elsewhere, you can keep an eye out on @transanabeth​. after thaf is finished, this blog will likely be mostly abandoned. thank you for your continued support and your understanding. 

#drug mention #drugs #drugs tw #death mention #death #death tw #overdose #overdose tw #overdose mention #ask to tag