notabipolarbear

[notabipolarbear]

Long time no post. I’ve been all over the place mentally. Cycling harder than lance Armstrong on performance enhancers 😅I’ve not been up to anything outstandingly different really. Just crafting, gaming and living life as best as possible. I started making bracelets for charity. No sales yet but that’s okay. They’re fun enough to make. I want to visit wales at some point for something to do. I’m restless but that’s the bipolar being wonky. I found out my Granda has stage 1 prostate cancer. It’s knocked me off my feet a little. How can someone so kind and nice be given such a horrible thing? Like why is life so cruel? Load of shit. Anyway another subject before I cry. I take SpongeBob everywhere now and take photos of him and his teefs lol that’s fun haha it’s been raining loads so haven’t gotten too far yet.

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[notabipolarbear]

Smileeee :B 😊

I saw the psychiatrist today. A third different psychiatrist in like 6 months. So we MIGHT be changing my medication in a few weeks time. I really hope so. She spoke to me like an adult and actually listened to what I had to say. My input was taken on board. It was really refreshing. I’m feeling more positive this time and think it’s going to go in the right direction.

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[notabipolarbear]

My immune system is shockingly bad. I’m sick AGAIN. I’ve been vomiting, have a sore throat, cough and headache. That’s 3 months in a row I’ve been unwell and bed ridden. It’s not Covid I’ve tested. Hopefully I can recover fast and not get sick again before my body has recovered. Seems to be what is happening I get sick get a little better but my immune system hasn’t caught up and it gets sick again…

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[notabipolarbear]

I got a kalimba it is awesome ☺️ I love it and it’s not super noisy so it doesn’t disturb the neighbours. It just annoys my partner haha 😛 my mood have been up and down for a while. Apparently the amount of medication I’ve been on won’t help bipolar disorder very well. I have started taking 20mg to see how it helps me. My psychiatrist appointment is in just over a week so see how I feel by then. I just want to switch medication all together but they are against it. See what they say this time…

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[notabipolarbear]

lol look at how intense this photo of Finn is 😆 I love it haha - moods have been cycling a fair bit but just getting on with it really. Went out with parents today and it was nice. I’m a little sad to be home alone now while partner is away. Feeling a little lonely. Going to the zoo tomorrow with dad though. That’ll be nice 😊

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[notabipolarbear]

Less than a year and both of our cats have passed away. I feel empty and sad today. I ate some kiwi 🥝 that was nice and had pizza express with a good friend and partner. I still feel down and eating helps. I need to make sure it’s healthy stuff though. Although, I’ve been eating like a pig and still been losing weight… who knows eh… I have a week to myself starting tomorrow. My partner is going back to wales for a week.. I think it’ll be relaxing then boring after a few days lol

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[notabipolarbear]

Had ONE day of feeling amazing and being hypomanic and now I feel like complete crap. Crying and wanting to kill myself… obviously I won’t kill myself but feeling like this sucks…. This is apparently good enough to be discharged from mental health services 😭 I don’t understand. I’m starting to cycle more these days and I feel a med review is needed… I feel I have to really hold it together to make my partner happy and keep him here I don’t want to stress him out and make him want to leave 😭

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[notabipolarbear]

I’m still in a slight depressed episode but it’s not like a constant cloud it comes in these waves. Been busy doing stuff mainly walking to shops for a look about to keep busy and going to my Japanese classes that have been somewhat difficult. Been crafting a bit more and gaming too which is nice.

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[notabipolarbear]

I’m so tired all of the time - I get good sleep AND I nap yet I’m still so tired. It’s not just because I’m in a depressed episode, I’ve been exhausted when not in an episode. I’ve been exercising/walking a lot and keeping busy but nothing extreme. I did have Covid again but I was tired before that… I take my meds properly and I take a multivitamin.. I see the dr this week and I’m going to ask to be taken off the antipsychotic med and put on a mood stabiliser instead. I’m convinced it’s the aripiprazole that’s making me so tired.. I’m fed up of not being listened to. Surely I have rights seeing as it’s my own body I’m pumping these chemicals into??

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[notabipolarbear]

Back from Japan! It did not disappoint! It was unreal as usual. Went to Kyoto, Osaka, universal studios, Yokohama, kamakura and Tokyo. It was so good. Been in the new apartment a few days now since being back in Japan and it’s been okay. A few hiccups (door lock issues, boiler stopped working etc) but it’ll get there eventually! Will start up the animal crossing stuff again soon!!

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[notabipolarbear]

Merry Christmas everyone 🎄🎅💕. My 3ds has stopped reading carts so I’ll continue with animal crossing as soon as I fix the issue. Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a happy new year! Lots of love and peace 💕

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[notabipolarbear]

Day 1 of life in Farmley town. Got chased by bees. Sold some peaches and shells and bought some furniture for my tent. Restarted animal crossing new leaf. Follow for updates on life in Farmley town.

#animal crossing welcome amiibo #animal crossing #acnl #acnl blogging #acnl community #acnl town #acnl qr code #acnl aesthetic #isabelle acnl #animal crossing new leaf #gaming #gamer girl #girl gamer #gamergirl #gamer #video games #nintendo 3ds #nintendo

[notabipolarbear]

I’ve been playing my 3ds a lot more lately and I think I’ll bring it when travelling to Japan. It’s smaller and easier to carry. It’s got great battery too. I LOVE super princess peach BUT my copy rarely actually works which is sad. I need a new copy but it’s a little expensive these days.. maybe I’ll get it for Christmas. Think my partner is moving our stuff to the apartment on the 28th December. So that’ll be the official move in date. It will be cool to have furniture in the place :) I had a chat with him and he’s just been stressed and nervous about moving so far away from home, there’s not been anything else thankfully. Like 16 days until Japan and even less days til Christmas :)

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[notabipolarbear]

So I got the keys to my new apartment. It happened. I now have my own place. I’m excited and nervous at the same time. I’m looking forward to having lots of space and all but nervous of being away from home as I have been used to my family for 3 years now. It’ll be a big change that’s for sure. I’m sure it’ll be fine :) it’s the location I wanted and you can walk along by the sea and a little beach it’s so close to the apartment so that’s really cool :) I plan to run along the coast and get healthier :) it’s a cute little secluded area too you wouldn’t know it was even there. They hold a cherry blossom festival each year too so that’ll be nice to experience :) I really hope I settle in nicely

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[notabipolarbear]

Went to Glasgow yesterday. It was really good. I had pain in my joints but tried to ignore it as best as I could. Still waiting to hear back about this apartment.. they want us to take it but they keep asking for loads of guarantor information.. not really sure what’s going to happen with it. It’s getting a little annoying now. My mods have been up and down but I haven’t been taking my meds lately as I’ve run out and keep forgetting to order more. Apart from cycling I’m happy enough I suppose. Imagine if I won the euromillions lol 201 million pounds lol id buy somewhere to live, help family and do so much charity work. Send children to school, fund hospitals and help animals and the elderly. I’d love to be able to help so many people so easily.

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[notabipolarbear]

Maybe I’m being petty, actually I know I’m being a dick but eff it. My “partner” doesn’t like keep me updated on like 90% of what he gets up to. We live in different countries. I tell him what I’m doing which is never really anything but if I’m going out I’ll say oh I’m heading out now etc. sometimes with him it’s very hush hush like I have to drag it out of him. I’ve decided on days where he’s being cryptic about what he’s doing and stops replying to me I just do exactly the same. If he asks what I’m doing I just say oh not a lot and go offline. I feel angry and fed up. It almost feels controlling emotionally like he brings me down. Makes me run after him and you know what I shouldn’t have to. It messes with my mental health it makes me so mentally unwell. It’s like two very separate lives with the odd check in. He arrives tomorrow for a visit and I kind of don’t want him to arrive 😣 maybe I need to sit him down and ask him what his intentions are with me and life. Like what does he want? Does he even still like me or is it attachment and comfort? Has he someone else in Cardiff? I think it needs addressed.

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[notabipolarbear]

Funny how life works… it’s 1:13am right now. I’m wide awake and thinking about life. It looks like I might get the apartment I applied to rent. My dream location etc but now I have severe doubt in my mind. I dunno if it’s going to work 🥲 I think I’m being led on. I got back with my ex but it’s not the same. There’s something different. I’m worried renting for a year together at least is going to suck. It feels like I’m playing second best atm to someone but surely he’d not plan on moving here if he wasn’t serious? Maybe he’s getting some while he’s away I dunno it just feels off. There’s something not right. I dunno. 🥲 I don’t feel wanted or loved just feel like some friend really…… oh well such is life lol only time will tell, trial and error and all that.

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