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aegonbeingfakeisracist · 8 months

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hi!

Can you talk more about Arianne and Daemon ? Seriously they are my favorite couple I even have a headcanon that Arianne will be pregnant with Daemon I mean it's more a parallel with Asha's possible pregnancy (pairs between Martells and greyjoys) and Daemons are so fertile hahahaha (Daemon Targaryan Daemon Blackfire) even begin another family but Martin chose the same name and Daemon Sand's father has twins in addition to him...

Anyway I don't see any chance of marriage/ engagement or Arianne's love interest in Aegon it just won't be happening,I see them having a friendship relationship and a strengthening of the family bond , with Ari being a guide for his cousin ( so much potential). This is a bullshit she doesn't want to be queen but Dorne anda her father love. I just want Arianne to be able to be happy white someone who respects her and see her more than just a pretty body and face, and Daemon strikes me as perfect.

I really don't want Arianne to be pregnant because it seems to me like needless drama and just all around bad timing – she's serving as an envoy. There's a war going on. And I feel like her words to Elia kind of apply to her, as well – kiss all the boys you want when you're home in Dorne, but this is so not the time. Sure, she propositions Daemon, but she didn't actually sleep with him. Also, Arianne canonically uses moon tea for birth control. So I'm hopeful there will be no baby unless she lives to the end of the series.

But I think her relationship with Daemon is just so unique in terms of all the relationships we see in the series – they were children doing this entirely on their terms. They were the same age. They just liked each other, and so engaged in a relationship without fear over consequences.

I think in recent years, there's been a weird rise in people forgetting that tropes are tools and not fundamentally good or bad. One of the ways this manifests in particular is hating "childhood friends to lovers" or people winding up with their first love. I don't have hard stances on the kind of relationships in fiction I find interesting or boring. Mostly for me, it's contextual – what is compelling in ASOIAF to me is not the same as what's compelling in another work. And while I certainly agree that there are situations in which a childhood friends to lovers angle may be boring, I think in the ASOIAF context, Arianne and Daemon's childhood sweethearts angle is actually extremely compelling.

For a start, this isn't a people-staying-with-their-middle school-boyfriend-forever scenario. It's the fact Arianne and Daemon had a relationship, broke up, lived near a decade having separate lives with Arianne certainly having other relationships and Daemon probably also doing the same, and are potentially coming back together.

For another, I really, really like what Arianne/Daemon would mean for Arianne as a character. I've said before that she's my favourite ASOIAF character. But even outside of my own personal bias, think about the type of fics that get written about her. It's hard to identify this for certain, because AO3 tagging is just so messy, and navigating through Arianne's tag is a lost cause, but mostly, fic!Arianne is just three sliders of stupidity, horniness, and ambition. Which is just so, so not book Arianne, at all.

Arianne is unique amongst the most important female characters of ASOIAF. She's is not the heir presumptive, she's the heir apparent. Dorne will be hers. And she is a descendant of Nymeria, the most recent in a long line of rulers of Dorne. Her family is central to Dorne's cultural memory, as it was Nymeria and Mors that turned the collection of states into a unified nation. So unlike, say, the Tyrells or Freys, who determinedly pursue these grand matches in a way of compensating for their relatively recent history, Arianne...doesn't really need to do that? Like, she can just marry a bannerman and it would be totally fine.

Furthermore, Arianne clearly has more rights of refusal than most women, and she is not shy about using them - these are real rights she has. I can imagine her feeling more pressure to accept if offered a candidate that wasn't clearly a joke, but given the setting, this is true for everyone. The fact remains, Arianne has options, and since she's going to be a ruling princess, those options are broad.

But despite all of this, her marital prospects are a huge theme. Doran offers her elderly suitors. Daemon and Drey wanted to marry her. There was an entire marriage pact that no one bothered to tell her about. Arianne intends on bartering her own hand, and thinks about how whoever she weds would rule Dorne by her side.

How does all this connect to Daemon? Because he's a nobody. Okay, sure, that's a little extreme – he's a knight, the son of an important lord, and the former squire of a prince. But even though that is the case, he is still a bastard. His father has at least two legitimate children. This isn't a case like Ellaria, in which the set up makes it extremely reasonable to think that her father's land and title will one day fall to her and her daughters - Daemon will not inherit anything. Meaning if Arianne were to marry him, or even just obviously choose him as her partner without a marriage? It would be for her.

There might be some political benefits, given that Daemon is clearly on good terms with his father, but very indirectly, and not nearly to the extent that would be the case with other marital candidates. It cannot be considered anything resembling a political move. So Arianne choosing Daemon would be her taking control over her life, making the choices she wants, for her. It would be her choosing a Dornish spouse that has ties to her family beyond just her alone. It would be her in a position where she can safely choose to make her life with a person that she loves, that isn't the best political choice.

It would be her choosing someone that is deeply, fundamentally tied to Dorne - not just because he's Dornish, but because he is a bastard, because he was once a child in the Water Gardens, because he attended the feast for Balon Swann and did not drink upon the toast to Tommen. Arianne drank. Doran drank. But Daemon did not. Daemon is clearly still in love with Arianne. There is a reason their relationship was never the same after Doran rejected him for her. He loves her enough to serve as her sworn shield and beg her to allow him to go into a dangerous situation in her place. But he has his own mind, and his own beliefs, and his Dornish identity is a big part of that.

We've seen very little of Daemon. But from what we have, he sees Arianne in a way that few do. Doran didn't understand what was going on with her at all. Arys and Areo both clearly had images of her in their heads that didn't quite align with reality. But Daemon, despite their relationship having never recovered fully and despite Doran being so much like Arianne that one would really think he should understand her more than he does, gets her more than anyone else. He understands the strained relationship with Quentyn and that Arianne maybe isn't so desperate to have her little brother return. He sees bits of Arianne in Elia. He literally finishes some of her sentences.

Of all the people Arianne could ever engage in a relationship with, I think Daemon, more than any other character, represents her making her own choices and coming into her own as the ruling princess of Dorne.

#A Song of Ice and Fire #Arianne Martell #Daemon Sand #moongirlgodness #replies

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ipso-faculty · 5 months

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I just wanted to ask for clarification on the redefinition of the term mesosex, am I correct in assuming that it no longer describes me? I'm someone who had started identifying with the term due to being part of the "group 8" that you described in your original discussion as being the intended audience:

Not seen as intersex by intersex people: PMDD, endometriosis, and other reproductive disorders, who may relate to the intersex experience anyway. Reading asks that @queercripintersex got from people in this category was what gave me the seed of the idea for mesosex.

More specifically, I have endometriosis which seems to be related to low progesterone, and now that I'm on progesterone HRT to treat my endo I'm having the weird experience of undergoing hormonal feminization (breast growth, fat redistribution, etc) for the first time at the age of 25. So I'm technically perisex, but it feels kinda weird calling myself that when I'm an afab person on feminizing HRT that's making me go through the same physical changes my transfem friends are going through 😅 I also feel that I identify with some of the experiences I've heard from intersex people about social ostracization due to not fitting in with society's ideas about sex and gender. I was treated differently as a teenager by some people due to not "looking like" a girl for one, and personally I also feel alienated when people (primarily transphobes tbh) talk about how a universal and important experience of growing up as a girl is that after you go through puberty strangers start sexualizing you, because I... never experienced that. My body just didn't develop that way (not that I'm complaining, but you know)

I just wanted to make sure like... should I stop using the term? I thought I had found something that described my experiences, but if I no longer fit the definition then I don't want to be like disrespectful or anything

Hi! Thank you for the ask! 🩵

So my first reaction on glancing at your ask was "maybe there should be a term for the group 8 people". 🤔

But then I sat down and properly read your ask, and... I'm not actually sure you're group 8? 🤔 My personal conviction is that an AFAB with chronically low progesterone to an extent that it would have had noticeable effects on pubertal development & social development is intersex in the same ways that somebody with chronically low estrogen is considered intersex.

Hypogonadism is in InterAct's list of variations, and I don't see how hypoprogesteronism wouldn't be be a kind of hypogonadism. 🧐 Wikipedia includes low progesterone in their page on hypogonadism. Here's how InterAct defines it:

Similarly, MOGAI wiki defines hypogonadism as intersex and explicitly mentions low progesterone. But I can see somebody dismissing MOGAI wiki as being on the more radical side of things.

So for the most conservative/intermedicalist takes within the pan-intersex community I look to what ISNA has on their website. And they list hypogonadotrophic hypogonadism as an intersex variation - i.e. hypogonadism wherein you don't have a complete puberty, which it sounds like could be the case for you?

So to me I think you're actually in group 5? 😅 So the redefinition of mesosex is still scoped in a way that (as far as I'm concerned) would still include you. 🤠

But if I've misunderstood your case and you don't think hypogonadism applies, perhaps there is a need to create a word for what I had dubbed group 8 (people with reproductive disorders that identify with intersex people but whom are not generally accepted as intersex by the intersex community). Maybe juxtasex could be repurposed for this since it never really got taken up as a term for non-intersex? Or a new word entirely? 🤔

Though honestly I don't know how big the demand is. NGL: every time I've interacted with somebody with PMDD/endometriosis who identifies with intersex people, once they start explaining why, I get the distinct impression they have an intersex variation that has been underexplored. 🤷 I kinda suspect that the PMDD/endometriosis people who aren't sure if they're intersex would be served by the already existing term "extersex". 👀

IDK, let me know what you think! Happy to think about coining new terms. 🤓

#asks #intersex #mesosex #extersex #hypogonadism #endometriosis #juxtasex #text #actuallyintersex #actually intersex

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the-linaerys · 1 year

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Andor

I wrote about Andor on DW. You can comment there or here.

I loved the original trilogy for its lived-in feeling and vastness, and the story of the little guy against the big guy. Andor takes the starting point of the original trilogy, and gives it weight and depth and takes the questions of rebellion and insurrection seriously in a way that as Abigail Nussbaum says, actually makes Andor the most Star Wars of all the Star Wars properties. It's about organizing and activism, it's a cri de coeur about the power of communities over individuals. It's sharply observed not only about the tenuous alliances between revolutionary groups, but the inevitable weaknesses of authoritarians. It's some of the best writing I've ever experienced in any medium. It tells a story of systems and movements that are bigger than people while showing human agency and allowing people to shine. * Andor is really a writing master class. I love how we're invited to laugh gently at Nemik's zealotry, and his manifesto. Even if we sympathize with it, we know he's going to be disillusioned or killed. And he is. But then when his manifesto is used again in the final episode, it's earned, because we met him early, and we saw Cassian Andor's progression to radicalization, and we, along with him, can hear and feel the truths of Nemik's manifesto in a way we were not capable of before. * The whole prison arc has been rightly hailed, and especially Andy Serkis's work as Kino Loy. Someone else pointed out that we are seeing organizing in those scenes. Good activists identify leaders and use them, and that's what Cassian does with Kino. At the end of that arc, when Cassian gets Kino to talk to the whole prison, and Kino uses his words, it shows that the notion of a singular hero is not what is needed here. This is not Cassian Andor's story, this is the story of the rebellion, of a fight with infinite fronts that can always be pushed upon, and need to be pushed upon by a collective. * Other people have also pointed out that whoever destroyed Kenari was before the rise of the empire, and we're forced to see the Republic as also a perpetrator of colonialization, economic and environmental destruction, and genocide. This is underlined by Mon Mothma and the explicit notion that her liberal trouble-making is ineffectual, it's only useful as a front for more radical fighting. And it's making me want to write fic! Which is weird for such a good show. Often well-written shows don't leave room for anything to be filled in, but Andor leaves a lot of space, while never feeling incomplete. I think perhaps this is because it is in the Star Wars universe, a universe we know is vast. But also, I just absolutely love Stellan Skarsgård as Luthen Rael, and I'm fascinated by the character and by and his relationship with Cassian. I need to read and write a million words about them, slashy and otherwise. I have always loved Stellan Skarsgård's work and always will. In this house we sexualize old dudes especially when they're Stellan Skarsgård, and it is fantastic to see him in a role like this. He's incredibly charismatic, uncompromising, and also portraying Luthen as deeply human. We can see that he hates some of the things he's had to do long before that incredible speech to Lonni, a speech that would have been well written no matter what, but pehaps that could only have been delivered by Skarsgård. I loved how little he has to do in Ferrix besides watch, perhaps, a glimmer of the sunrise he will not live to see. I love how we don't know if he's a hero or a villain, or if those terms can even apply to him—this is a show with many heroes but no one hero, and no one untarnished. I am not sure that what Luthen has done up to this point was necessary and that's part of the point—we'll never know, he'll never know, who had to die, and whose lives he wasted. He has set himself up as the mastermind of many revolutionary cells—will there come a time when he confuses power and self-preservation with the good of the rebellion? Has that time already come? He stands in excellent contrast to Saw Guerrera, and perhaps the best argument that he is necessary is when Saw says, "I am the only one with clarity of purpose." Because you can't have a rebel alliance where only one person is allowed to have clarity of purpose. The entire Andor show is about refuting that idea. Skeen says it best when he says "everyone has their own rebellion," while also proving that his rebellion has outlived its usefulness to The Rebellion. And I haven't even touched on his relationship with Cassian yet, which is different from his relationship with all of his other pawns and allies. But I gotta wrap this up for now. Please point me to your Andor meta, fic, and other people interested in this show! I think I have a new fandom!

#luthen rael #cassian andor #cassian x luthen #andor #andor meta #andor season 1 #andor spoilers #saw guerrera #kino loy #stellan skarsgard #in this house we sexualize old men

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cosmic-m-b · 6 months

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Hey. It’s been a while.

I’m back because I wanted a low stakes place to talk about gender. Too many people I know IRL are on my other platforms, so I came here.

I have been using the label, “nonbinary” for about 2 years? Maybe a little longer? And this year I finally understood that gender =/= presentation (as it applies to myself—I have known this about others for a while). I present fairly femininely, and even prefer to look feminine over looking androgynous or masculine, so I tied that into how I felt about gender, even though on the inside I feel fairly genderless. This summer I had that epiphany and started using they/she pronouns. I will likely go full send into they/them at some point because it does appeal to me, but for now while I’m still learning to reconcile my appearance with my gender, they/she works perfectly for me.

It has recently come to my attention, however, that I am a little uncomfortable with my name. I wouldn’t say it’s dysphoria (if after I describe my feelings someone tells me that it is, I will believe them), but it is discomfort.

I never had a problem with my name growing up. I don’t know if I ever really liked it, but I was used to it and it was mine. However, since figuring out a little more about my gender (which has and will likely continue to evolve), I am uncomfortable with such a feminine name. And I think that’s mainly because once someone hears it, whether in full-length form or my nickname, they immediately assume she/her pronouns. Most of the time, unless I’m wearing clothes with rainbows, I am not visibly queer. My fashion sense most days resembles that of a teenage boy, but in the most basic way. (T-shirts, jeans, and vans or converse) I don’t bind my chest, so I have a very feminine shape regardless of what I wear. (I do have a denim jacket with a pronoun patch on the sleeve, but I don’t really feel like that is enough.)

So anyway, I’m trying to come up with a new name for myself. I don’t know if I will ever go through the process of changing it legally, but I want something new to call myself that will better reflect how I want to be perceived.

I want to keep my initials as they are, in part because I’m a huge nerd and they fit my niche interests, but also because they feel like a big part of me, so I’m thinking about taking the name, “Corvus Mars,” and going by “Crow.”

In theory this is a fairly gender-neutral name. (Mars is arguably masculine but it just sounds so cool that I can’t let it go just yet.) My brain keeps worrying that the name might be too masculine or that people won’t take it seriously. I know my mom won’t, at least at first. I literally can’t imagine her calling me anything other than my given name, but that’s mostly because I have had it for 29 years. I also worry about my siblings thinking it’s stupid. I know that they would use it, but I can’t help but worry about them rolling their eyes when I tell them.

I also worry that I’m not cool enough to pull off a gender neutral name. It is yet another thing that I’m not “allowed” to do. (My brain has weird specific rules based on literally nothing. For example, I also wasn’t, “allowed” to identify as nonbinary or convert to Judaism. I obviously got over both of those.)

Anyway, if anyone wants to send some words of encouragement, it would be appreciated. I think most of my followers on here are bots now, but if any human soul is still around, feel free to comment.

#gender #lgbt #nonbinary #agender #nonbinary names

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scallopao3 · 1 year

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PSA

I am asexual. Sometimes I also use the word ‘greysexual’ or ‘ace spec’ because I enjoy some sexually intimate activities under specific circumstances, but I am actively put off by what most people consider ‘actual sex’ so I do think asexual applies as a label.

I struggled for a long ass time, and continue to struggle, with not accepting my orientation and wishing I liked sex. I’ve always felt like I was missing out on something and letting people down by not wanting to have sex with them even if we were in a romantic or otherwise physically intimate relationship. I have struggled far more to accept myself for being asexual (and specifically a sex-averse asexual) than I ever struggled to accept myself for being bi. So yes, I do think that asexuals are marginalized for our orientation and that we need and deserve positivity, community, and pride, regardless of our romantic orientations or gender identities.

For me personally, I much more needed to hear the message ‘you don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to’ than I needed to hear ‘you can have sex and still be a valid asexual; lots of asexuals still have sex’. I think that while it is absolutely true that you can be asexual and still have sex for healthy reasons, lots of asexuals have sex for unhealthy reasons and may not realize it. All asexuals should take the time and self compassion they need to really evaluate whether they are pressuring themselves into sex, especially if they identify as ‘sex-neutral’ or are having sex primarily for the benefit of their partner. That’s a valid identity and a valid reason in some cases, but I think that there are a lot of aces like me out there who have identified that way because outright not having sex felt like being ‘too asexual’ or unfairly denying their partner something they need. Which is bullshit. Having sex you don’t want is unhealthy, and we all deserve better.

I’m now in a relationship with another asexual woman, and I’m so much happier and more comfortable in the relationship knowing that my orientation will never not be acceptable to my partner and I will never feel pressured to have sex with her. I also gained a lot from just being single for a while, and coming to accept that I don’t need a romantic relationship to be complete, which gave me the security to wait for that person I did want to be with and not go for someone who I might feel pressured around.

I urge other young or otherwise inexperienced aces who want to date and have relationships to consider dating within the asexual community, and to absolutely avoid dating anyone who invalidates your identity in the slightest. If you think you might be sex-averse, please make sure that you emphasize this to anyone who you might date and avoid sugarcoating or being overly reassuring about their chances of having sex with you (or how often, or which kinds of sexual activities, etc.) Try not to let yourself ‘change your mind’ about a given activity just based on how much your partner wants it or how ‘normal’, ‘tame’, or ‘expected’ it is. Your emotional safety comes first. Don’t worry about your preferences being weird or idiosyncratic. They’re your preferences, and that makes them valid.

It’s ok to feel sad about being ace, or feel like you’re missing out. But always remember that you can be an awesome person and a good partner and worthy of love and happiness without ever having sex, or while having sex once a year, or only having sex in the one specific way that you’re comfortable with, or anything else in that vein. Practice seeing if you can muster up some self-love and some pride for being ace, even if it’s hard at first. Maybe you feel shitty and alone right now. Maybe some kinds of positivity posts feel cheesy or don’t resonate with you. That doesn’t mean you can’t eventually come to feel good about yourself and your orientation, and even find some support among other aces.

My ask box is open if you need to vent. Have a beautifully asexual day!

#asexual #aspec #greysexual #aphobia #long post

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rjalker · 2 years

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If you're publishing actual books then here's a tip:

Make sure the titles of your books are fucking relevant and memorable.

Exibit A of what not to do: The Murderbot Diaries.

The name for the whole series? Great. Descriptive. Can't be confused with anything else or easily forgotten.

The names for each individual story? Terrible.

They are, in chronological order (not publishing order), and the I only reason I know their names is from googling it despite having read each of these stories 4+ times now. This doesn't include the super short stories like the prequel or what I call book 4.5

All Systems Red

Artificial Condition

Rogue Protocol

Exit Strategy

Fugitive Telemetry

Network Effect

None of these titles are actually relevant to the story they tell in any meaninful, memorable way. I have read these books 4+ times now, and the only one whose title I can match up with its order is literally the first one, All Systems Red, because it's literally the first one.

The rest??? If you sent me a title at random I'd have no fucking clue which one it is or what happens in it!

These titles were very blatantly just chosen to follow a theme and sound cool and technological, and like,,,,,,that doesn't fucking work if you actually want people to be able to remember which one is which.

Let's compare this to another of Martha Wells' series, where she actually gives them memorable, meaningful titles!!!

The Cloud Roads

The Serpent Sea

The Siren Depths

The Edge of Worlds

The Harbors of the Sun

All of these titles are descriptive and relevant and meaningful to the story they tell! Once you read them, and hear the name, you're going to know exactly which one is which and what happened in it!

When picking a title for your books, do not just fucking pick some random words that sound cool but have nothing to do with your story! Even All Systems Red is kind of a fucking weird title for the story it actually tells. It sounds way more dramatic than it warrants.

None of The Murderbot Diaries book titles are actually descriptive or memorable in relation to the story they tell. Literally what in the fuck do the words "Rogue Protocol" have to do with the events of the third book??? If the title of your story requires readers to bend over backwards and reach for the farthest edges of their imagination to fit the title to the story, your title fucking sucks.

Your title is meant to do multiple things, including at its most basic, identify the story it tells. It has to be relevant and fitting with the theme of your story. The Cloud Roads does this. It's evocative, it's memorable, it's relevant, even if not literally.

Rogue Protocol does none of these things. Network Effect does none of these things. None of the titles for The Murderbot Diaries evoke anything of the story they tell.

This also applies to The Animorphs, but the Animorphs are absolute shit in every other way possible, so that's not surprising.

They are entirely and completely forgettable. And that's a problem, because literally the entire point of the title is that people remember and are able to identify it.

The titles could work if they were all just like,, normal short stories being published as a compilation. Like chapter titles. But they're not, they're separate books being sold by themselves.

More examples of titles that do their job correctly:

The Golden Compass

The Subtle Knife

The Amber Spyglass

All three of these titles are memorable and identifiable and relevant to the story they tell!

The Crystal Star

the only Star Wars book's name that I can ever remember off the top of my head. A major part of the plot is--you guessed it--a crystalized star!!!!

TLDR:

The title for your published book needs to be memorable and relevant, not just random cool sounding words!

#writing tips #writing advice #Rjalker reads The Murderbot Diaries #Rjalker reads The Books of The Raksura #And like Martha Wells did this with The City of Bones too.#like that title is useless.#yes there's some random offhand not actually relevant lore of people using bones #to tell fortunes.#but that is not actually relevant to the plot or important #there's no epidemico f people being murdered for their bones #it's a bad title #it coudl have worked if that was the name of a SERIES set within the same city #but it's literally just the one book that has next to nothing to do with using bones to tell the future!!!#so it's literally just there to sound cool and be irrelevant

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quietwingsinthesky · 1 year

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@archangelsammy is right they would cancel you for samifer but also I think twitter'd cancel you for off-color trans hcs too (aka for having good opinions <3)

Which, ftr, is stupid and I very much enjoy them. Archangels + complicated relationships with gender my beloved

Reason #436 I have never gone on Twitter: my gender thoughts r too powerful.

Also yes yes yes archangels and complicated relationships with gender, my much beloved! I was actually thinking about that this morning, plus apartmentverse thoughts, leading to me realizing like. I have, in separate fics, talked about Adam and Nick being trans, and there is literally no one who could stop me from carrying that detail into apartmentverse in order to examine just how it would be to exist as a creature with no sense of gender (or to have one that cannot be translated to any sort of human-adjacent concept) but to have a body that was, at one point, kept by someone to whom it mattered very much how they presented.

In my head, the easiest word to apply to all of the archangels is agender (or, maybe less to Gabriel, who does have experience with human gender and has fun with how he can play with it, but that doesn’t mean he’s all in on human gender, more that he’s figured out how to translate his internal experience into ‘ha ha skirt go swish!’) Sorry, Gabriel tangent.

Anyway, what I’m saying is, agender is the right word because from a human perspective, they don’t experience gender. But they are living in a world that is soo concerned with gender at all times, and there’s a sliding scale of what things they might want to change about their presentation and how the world looking in affects them. I’m thinking like. Raphael getting irritated with the insistence on gendering them as female, not because they’re bothered by that specifically, but by being gendered at all. Would not be less irritating for them to be seen as a guy in their Donnie vessel, you know? Which is alienating in a world where they are already a stranger due to Not Being Human!

Whereas Michael has these memories of Adam’s where being perceived femininely hurt, it was upsetting and Adam made efforts to prevent it, and yet Michael does not carry that same pain when he is seen as a woman. If anything, it would probably bother him more to be infantilized with terms like ‘young lady’ and such, because he is literally the oldest person in any given room. Or bother him most if he’s out with his siblings and gets referred to by someone at a store or something as a sister because his role as the oldest brother is sooo firmly tied to his identity, but it’s in such a weird way where brother has ceased to be a gendered term? If that makes any sense. Like the experience here is that Michael is being misgendered. Technically. But his internal experience can’t really work it out that way because he doesn’t exist like that, but ‘sister’ just Is Not What He Is. it’s complicated! It’s. You know. A system doesn’t care about how you identify, only how it can perceive you, and because Adam died and got brought back at nineteen and lived in the early aughts, it’s not likely he got access to hormones or anything until he was basically an adult, so his body gets gendered female more often than male. Would Michael choose to continue that? Out of respect for Adam’s wishes or for himself? Because the thing is Michael isn’t even! A Guy! He’s just Michael. His gender is Brother. His gender is Son. (oh the evil alternative of him being seen as like. Gabriel’s younger sister. Is him getting seen as Nick!Lucifer’s daughter. Absolutely nightmare scenario for him. He will cease to function for hours.) So, maybe he would want to go back on T. Maybe not. I haven’t really worked that out yet for my fic lmao.

Okay, okay, Jesus Christ, I rambled a lot here, but point is: Archangel gender is weird. Having to live in a gendered system is even more weird.

#ask #asfjflakfjlf sorry you activated my angel gender thoughts #also I didn’t mention this but. it/its Lucifer rights. okay now I’m done.

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colorisbyshe · 1 year

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hello! I've been scrolling through your blog for a while and idk how to best word this but is it possible to identify as queer, like an umbrella term? I primarily identify as bisexual (and trans) but I used to answer to questions of my sexual orientation or gender identity with "queer/genderqueer" and I would never force someone to call me that if they were uncomfortable with it, I'd like your thoughts on the topic if you have the time.

Oh, and in terms of acronyms, is it better to use lgbt, lgbt+, or lgbtq for tags bc i know elder gay people might not like their posts tagged with the q slur. Thanks!

ps. glad to see a fellow sasuke stan in the wild ^-^

It's possible to identify as whatever you want. If queer feels best for you, fine. Just know that a. even just hearing you use that term at all might trigger some people (which is fine, many people call themselves dyke and fag, just listen when people ask you to stop) and b. it wholly and totally obfuscates what your actual identity is. Genderqueer, less so, because it's specifically about gender and lets people know that ambiguity is the point. But queer... as a blanket term... means there's a whole blanket of terms people can think apply to you.

And I'd just ask... why obscure your identity? You might have valid reasons, I don't know. I can't decide that for you. But like... I personally make sure people know my identities because I love my identities. What about trans and bisexual doesn't do it for you? I would introspect on why you want to move away from more clear labels and move to something with less clarity. Why do you want to use a term that has become so inclusive that in many spces it includes cishets?

And I just use LGBT for the acronym. Every LGBT identity is included in it and adding Q/+ feels like a VERY half assed gesture. Like as a nonbianry person, I am under the T. I am not a "+" that can be used to include any number of other (sometimes non-LGBT) identities. And Q is unnecessary because the only people who can reclaim it are L G B T. LGBTQ is like saying "Girls and women." Like... that's the same thing twice. It's redundant.

I understand the Q can also mean "questioning" (and originally DID) but I would think questioning was already implicitly included. The same way a lot of women only spaces can include people quesitoning if they're women or not. Like, I don't really need to clarify "My feminism is for women and people who are on their way to solidifying their identity as women."

(Also, just a side note, lots of "elder gay" people absolutley do view queer as a slur and it's like... very weird historical revisionism to act like it's just young people who see it as a slur?? IDK who has started this lie but it's getting fucking weird.)

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alatismeni-theitsa · 6 months

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Coming out story time, Γρεεκ edition. With a plot twist. Sorry for the long ass rant I just didn't know who else to tell my story who would get both the Greek Thinking TM and also be accepting of queer ppl.

Apologies for crude language (i think)?? I cannot describe it in a way that's as eloquent and beautiful as I want.

A. Μαμά.

I came out to my mother descriptively, because I knew if I said a Big Gay Word she'd instantly connect it to what she associates with Gay stuff, and I wanted to get her honest reaction, not what she thinks her reaction should be. And also because I Do Not Know what exactly I am (out of the whole LGBT alphabet, I could be Gay/Les, I could be Bi, I could maybe sort of kinda be trans but I do identify with womanhood in the Greek TM way so I don't think I can call myself NB? Anyway whatever, labels don't matter to me and only make me feel weird when applied to me), so there's that.

Specifically I said "Ma, I'm not only attracted to boys." Because that's the best I can describe my hauntingly persistent bisexuality as haha.

After the initial confusion, the first question she asked was "so you'd want to have sex with a woman?" A question I chose not to answer, one because Μαμά τι στο καλό θες να σου πω τώρα :/ and also because the answer is neither no or yes. It goes beyond just Mm Yes Pussy Nice for me. Reducing it to just that is making my skin crawl just as much as Mm Yes Dick Nice. That's dehumanising for me, I'm sorry. :/ My answer was literally "δεν ξέρω/δεν απαντώ" lmao.

And?? She may have accidentally come out to me too??? Without realising it?????

Because she said three things:

1. "Oh, when I was at your age I went through this phase as well." Which??????????? What does it mean if not the think I'm thinking of??? Ma have you really been in denial/the closet for 50 years?

2. "I was fiercely defensive of gay people when I was younger." Which, YES. As you should μαμά. Only it has created this haunting fear in me that in 30 years time, with "experience", I'll change too and I'll go against my gay brothers and sisters as Ορθοδοξία seems to want. Which I won't. I hope. I can only hope my heart won't change, even if I marry a guy and go ahead and have children of my own. Like... it doesn't make sense, HOW did she change her mind in the first place??? How does that happen to someone? Will it happen to me too?

3. "It's okay, I love you for who you are." In the end, all is good. Even if she thinks she's a phase that I'll grow out of, and probably would not allow me to think about dating/settling with another woman, she's not cutting me out of the will! She still loves me!! It's a win for me. :D

Also she approves of cute gender neutral nicknames because she's always called me that. Like: το ζουζουνάκι, το μαρουδάκι (εννοώντας πασχαλίτσα🐞), το κουφετάκι, κτλ.

I really love her little habits I'm sorry. :')

B. Αδερφούλα

I'll keep it brief because there's not as much to say. She's younger than me so she used to have a very much "oh ew wtf" reaction.

But recently?? She's been treating it like an inside joke??? Like, refering to me as "το τέρας" ή "το αρν��" because she knows I love being affectionately/jokingly called an "it". Also making gay jokes in rare occasions, which I love.

She's a little insecure about being perceived as Λεσβία for her fashion sense, and I regularly assure her that she can wear whatever makes her feel good and not worry about how others see her. Can she rock a γυναικείο κουστούμι like a boss? Fuck yea. Does that mean she's a lesbian just because she looks masculine and pretty at the same time? Fuck no, you do you boo. I know how much you like dressing like this. Nobody's opinion can take it away. And lesbians are not Bad either, so she has a lot to unpack in the future. But I'm still very proud of her and how far she's come since I first told her (long before mom actually) and I absolutely love her to death.

Also she called me a bottom. Shame on her. Gah, siblings.

Honorary entries:

C. Dad

I have yet to come out to him because he often ridicules openly queer people on TV. Like, οικογενειακά watching Eurovision the Maneskin year (every year really) was both hilarious and terrifying.

But, like?? He's also lowkey kinda Bi too in a repressed way? In the way that he's loyal to the woman he married but also making strong bromances when given the chance? It's so funny to me, because he has such a soft and fond expression when talking about friends he has sort of trauma-bonded with (term used loosely, but you know how Dads are).

I could also be just tripping and trying to seek comradeship where there's none because Parents are the ones a child seeks to relate to, but I'd rather not psychoanalyse me rn.

D. Granny

Also can I just talk about Passive Acceptance. Because granny (without knowing about my identity) sometimes refers to me and my sister as παλικάρι in a Gender Neutral sense ("δεν είναι μόνο τα αγόρια παλικάρια" she says. granny is a feminist icon without even trying to be. slay.) and it makes my woman-in-a-vague-sense-i-guess(?) heart do the little proud flutter thing.

Also does it make sense to be a non-binary when it comes to speaking English but sort of a woman (actually yes a woman but also yes and no at the same time because I look and act really soft cheery and feminine but I'm mentally also a τέρας από την άβυσσο και τα τάρταρα :D) when speaking Greek??? It's so confusing, how can I perceive gender in two entirely different ways at the same time what the everloving fuck. What AM I...??

Again, sorry for the jumbled thoughts, my last three braincells are busy rn χορεύing Καλαματιανό.

Γειαα! Παιδια με σκλαβωνετε με τα μηνυματα σας τελευταια 💗 Ειλικρινα χαιρομαι παρα πολυ που εχω εστω και λιγο την εμπιστοσυνη σας - εγω μια ξενη στο ιντερνετ - και μου λετε τις σκεψεις και τις ιστοριες σας! Το εκτιμω παρα πολυ!

Να ξερετε οτι ακομα και αν τυχον διαφωνουμε σε καποια πραγματα, μπορειτε να μου στελνετε μηνυματα. Γιατι ποτε δε θα διαφωνησω με το δικαιωμα καποιου να ζει με ασφαλεια και να ειναι ο εαυτος του (το οποιο ειναι ανθρωπινο δικαιωμα ουτως ή αλλως)

Επισης: Δημοσιευω το μηνυμα επειδη δεν υπηρχε καποια δηλωση που ελεγε να μην το κανω. Αν καποιος ομως θελει να μη δημοσιευσω καποιο μηνυμα ή να διαγραψω καποιο μηνυμα, ας μου το πει, δεν υπαρχει θεμα!

Οκ switching off to English!

The whole experience is So Greek, damn! Starting with Mother, telling her Descriptively, her saying that she also liked women "one time", then considering that something is off with Dad as well, then mentioning the accidentally supportive Grandma who gives no shits... Πρεπει να εχουμε ενα σχετικο επεισοδιο στις Οικογενειακές Ιστορίες ετσι για την ταυτιση των τηλεθεατων.

Also, just because I am a nosy dramatic bitch, I would DEFINITELY bring back this conversation if this was my mum, and I would tell her "You know that you like women too, right? You can't just... lose attraction for a whole gender overnight. And they also say that sexual orientation is genetic......" Just to see her reaction and try to convince her 😂 (Don't attempt if you think it won't go well for you! 😅)

I'm really happy about how you handled things with your sis! Being perceived as a lesbian is nothing bad because lesbians are nothing bad! She can rock whatever she wants, like you said! There are lesbians out there who dress like "everyone else", meaning that clothes can potentially be a hint but you can never tell just by the clothes. She has a lot to unpack indeed but with more teaching moments by you, I'm sure she's in good hands.

Oooooh that Dad case! I have a theory here, knowing Greek dads. Perhaps he will be more supportive than you think. Not just because of the things you mentioned, but because he loves you and supports you as his child (from what I read). Greek dads can be ride or die, especially with their daughters. So, if you are confident enough when you tell him, if you look logical and self-aware, he actually might back you up and he might be the most supportive! Parents often dismiss their children because they believe that children are doing it for attention, or because of a whim. Greek dads, I've noticed, want things to be told to them with huuuge neon letters, otherwise they don't act on the situation.

For example, you can be like "Dad, I want to tell you something. (diretor hint: play it sad and worried here, he might feel the need to be protective instead of defensive) I like women too, and I have been feeling it for a long time. I didn't feel it because someone else "indoctrinated" me to it. It's a natural feeling to me. It is not a phase. I cannot switch it on and off like it's a hall light. Most importantly, this is not dangerous for me. I know that you might be concerned and we can talk about it. I just want you to know because this is an important part of who I am."

-- Again, assess the situation accordingly. You definitely don't have to do anything I suggest. And you can make the dialogue more or less cheesy :P In any case, when you talk to him keep in mind that he's an older man who grew up in specific decades and you have to make an effort to set things his way otherwise things will be lost in translation and neither of you will notice.

That's how I got an old aunt to support me. 😂This aunt was the type that says "A woman liking another woman?? Ιησούς Χριστός!!" I noticed what things she valued most (being your own person, having fun in life, not allowing anyone to step on you) and I built my case by telling her that the way I live at the moment gives me all these advantages. I also matched her tone, and I tried to see things from her side, which eventually helped guide her to the mindset I wanted to introduce her to. Sometimes many conversations and subtle hints are needed for this guidance. And they also need to like you because the Greek statement "το δικο μας το παιδι ποτε δεν κανει κατι κακο! το δικο μας το παιδι ειναι χρυσο!" will usually prevail over "A woman liking another woman?? Ιησούς Χριστός!!" 😂

What's more, some parents of queer kids already know what their kids are. They just don't say anything out of fear they will encourage this behaviour. Meanwhile the kids get stressed for decades about how the parents will react, and when they finally come out the parents, the parents are like "eh... we already knew, to be honest. We've been watching you hug and kiss girls since you were like... six. We just hoped that you'd grow out of it, that's why we didn't bring it up. We didn't want you to grow up into a behaviour that would separate you from other kids cause they would bully you and harm you."

The grandma is TOP, by the way! I feel like many older people really know what's important in life. The thought of two women getting married might never be palatable to her but she knows that alienating family members for harmless shit is not where it's at. I love her already!

On the "It's so confusing, how can I perceive gender in two entirely different ways at the same time what the everloving fuck. What AM I…??"

It is a fact that people slightly switch personalities when switching languages. English is a more polite, careful, and tip-toeing language, while in Greece malakas is a word of love if said to your friend 😂 And it's true that cultures perceive gender in different ways. So if you switch to US English and get into their mindset, they have another version of femininity. (Well, the whole country is diverse but I'm talking about the generic, permeating WASP stereotype of the preferred femininity in the US media)

I switch behavior in English too and sometimes I find that I'm more polite and "more feminine" there, which for me... eeeh not my style so much. (English makes us dysphoric, pass it down 😂😂😂😂)

Which brings me to another discussion. I am not nonbinary so I won't want to speculate on what nonbinary is and how it feels. Instead I will speak about a phenomenon sometimes seen in women, who, (sometimes!) need to be seen as a person (who deserves full respect) and not "just a woman" they take up the nonbinary label. Being a woman (or a man) comes with certain expectations and baggage and sometimes as a woman (or as a man) you can totally feel like "fuck it, I want to opt out" or "I already don't do these things and I don't want to ever do them or feel them, so I guess am actually not a woman/man".

I want to stress again that I don't imply non-binary people are this. And I'm not saying that's you. I'm just leaving this out there because it's very harmful when society makes you feel like "failing" at your gender and telling you "you are not a real man/woman because you don't do the X stereotypes", and some people fall for it want to "opt out" of their gender without realizing that in the process they're following the logic of... binaries.

Whatever you identify as should come from the inside, not from what society tells you a woman should be. Because, as you noticed, the Greek and the US society have different notions of what a woman "should be". Heck, you might move to Sweden and find out that out there you feel like Barbie while in Greece you may feel like Babis doing the exact same things😂 Don't rely on society and stereotypes, my humble opinion is. Rely on yourself. And it's okay if you don't have a definitive answer to "what you are". Just live and present as you are most comfortable.

One more thought that I have, which you can also take or leave, is about the sexuality part. I'm not family or a friend, and I don't know you well. I'm not an authority and I don't think my words are scripture. My speculation could perhaps help your brain cells stop χορεύειν τσάμικον γύρω απ τη φωτιά στο δάσος 😂

Sooo... have you considered asexuality?

Heeeaaar me out. Your confusion seems a bit similar to that of people who are asexual but don't know it yet. First of all, there's a difference between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction. Asexuals usually start thinking they are gay or bi because their sexual attraction to men and women is the same. Zero. 0 = 0 after all 😂

At the same time, asexuals can often feel "off" in their gender and gender expression because automatically they don't subscribe to amatonormative rules and hence, they don't subscribe to gender rules.

An asexual can still have aesthetic attraction to people (just not sexual) and want a romantic relationship. An asexual can have aesthetic attraction to only one gender or many. There's a whole spectrum in asexuality, and there are ace identities like the aegosexuals who are actually not sex repulsed. They are interested in sex as an idea, but they just don't experience sexual attraction for people in real life. (Imagine it like, you like watching football for the rush and the technique, but there's nooo way you want to go down on the field and start kicking a ball.)

Their relationships with their significant others are often "queerplatonic" because the way they perceive gender and companionship (that is not friendship) is queer compared to the rest of society.

I thought about this cause you mentioned the "hauntingly persistent bisexuality", and also because usually the answer to "so you wanna fuck women?" is "eh…yes??" if you are attracted to women in the usual way xD But of course, it might be just your character, that you don't want to focus on sex despite having sexual attraction, and, as you said avoid "dehumanizing" the other. So again, my speculation might be wrong. If you know you are sexually attracted to people, and if you don't have to ask "what is sexual attraction tho?" then that's probably not it😄

Okay, I rambled for too long again but I hope this message has helped you at least in one way. Know that you are already slaying out there and you WILL CONTINUE to slay because you're a cool and kind person with great self-reflection skills.

=================================

Generic message: If my posts have helped you in any way consider buying me a ko-fi 💖

#answered #greek speaks #lgbt+ in greece #queer

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icy-galaxy87 · 7 months

Text

Is Tomboy a Slur?

I'm sure we've all seen the discourse around the word femboy; "it's a slur because it's used against trans women" is a sentiment I've seen enough times that I looked for an alternative (and found none that suits me because "roseboy" makes me, as someone whose middle name is and will always be "Rose" which is an honor name in my specific case, feel weird) because I'm a nonbinary trans man who aspires to roughly that aesthetic. But has anyone ever thought about the inverse? I mean, tomboy is the "counter" to femboy.

Besides that, it is also used against trans men extensively. But, and here's where things get interesting, I looked it up and the only complaints about it are about the idea that it's sexist to gender hobbies/behaviors (which, true, but masculine women still exist). I've looked in trans spaces and seen nada. Searched on Tumblr. Literally only brought up in posts saying exactly the same kind of thing I'm saying.

I wonder why. Why is it that people are debating and discussing and being furiously angry about the word femboy while tomboy effectively gets a pass? Could it be because of transandrophobia? Or is it that the discussion seems to boil down to "this term has been used against trans women because society sees trans people as gender-nonconforming members of our AGABs", which applies to literally every gendered term if you extend it to all trans people (I've been called a tomboy before, I'm a nonbinary trans man and I hate being called a tomboy because I'm not one) and so extending it even just to the inverse begins to destabilize the argument?

I dunno, every time I see discourse on the term "femboy", it seems people are just upset that it is sometimes used against trans women and vaguely gesture to the history of the word, which has always meant exactly what it says; "feminine boy". Has it been misused? Yes, even as far back as when it was first created. So has "tomboy". If I'm missing something, please point me to sources that explain what I'm missing (and ideally give me better alternatives, "flower boy" is also out because it makes me think of kids at a wedding throwing flower petals, "lavenderboy" just... Seriously? Why is lavender specifically feminine? I haven't found any others that I find viable, if it calls me a girl it's out), because in looking into this, I haven't found much in the way of people proving that it originated specifically with transmisogyny.

I say all this with utmost respect for trans women, I don't want to miss something, it's just that every time I try to look deeper into it, all the reasons seem to boil down to exactly things that can be said about "tomboy" or many other terms and I don't see how some people identifying with those terms is harmful, it seems like the problem comes when people label other people those things. It almost seems similar to the "queer" label discourse to me.

#femboy #tomboy #transgender #discourse #please be nice to me #I'm dumb sometimes so I may be missing something #I just don't get it

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a-faggot-with-opinions · 11 months

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whys it appropriating to use top/bottom as a straight person (genuinely asking)

(Note: I use "straight" and "non-MLM" somewhat interchangeably here, mostly because the misusage of top/bottom/vers usually comes from cishet people and cis bi women. I also don't really touch on trans women using the terms here for the sake of time and also because I don't really care what transfems do with their connection or lack thereof to the MLM community.)

Using top/bottom/vers as a non-MLM is disregarding the history of those words and the reason why they exist. This is because these terms mean very specific things in our communities. A massive oversimplification of the meanings for the sake of time is that a top wants to fuck people, a bottom wants to get fucked, and a vers is fine with either position.

This should not be conflated with dom/sub/switch, which are terms in kink communities. When most non-MLM use top/bottom/vers, they are usually conflating it with dom/sub/switch. Which completely ignores the history of the word, and in some cases fetishizes MLM because the implication is that gay sex is the same thing as kink.

Saying something like "my (cis, non-MLM) girlfriend tops me!" is just incorrect unless she is pegging you (but I will get into why you still shouldn't use that word later). This is similar to how you wouldn't call a non-sapphic "stone" - it's not an accurate descriptor because it doesn't apply, and it's misusing terms that are only for certain communities as if they belong to everyone.

This may seem like a common but harmless misconception to many non-MLM, but it's actually really bad. Here are some examples of harm brought to the MLM community by misusing our language:

Our language being used as a vehicle to fetishize us and further ostracize us: by conflating vanilla gay sex with kink communities, people further the existing negative stereotypes about MLM and reveal their own unconscious anti-MLM biases. While plenty of MLM including myself are happy being included in kink communities, it is nonetheless harmful to our community as a whole to conflate the two like this.

Being left out of the conversation when it comes to our own experiences: convincing straight people that top/bottom/vers is for them, we are left out of discussions of our own experiences because non-MLM are convinced that they belong in our communities.

This isn't really harm, but non-MLM using top/bottom/vers is usually incredibly cringy for us MLM to witness and we will all collectively laugh at you.

I am already hearing some non-MLM say, "but what about the evolution of language? These words have been used by non-MLM for decades now!" and that is a fair point. However, it is important to recognize and understand when a term commonly used stems from appropriation, and fix that.

There is, of course, some nuance when it comes to non-MLM talking about MLM people using top/bottom/vers language. It is weird to say that someone is a top/bottom/vers when they haven't made that information public if you're non-MLM, or to be weird about that aspect of them. However, I would give non-MLM the benefit of the doubt in a lot of these cases.

Also, a few words on gatekeeping: saying that non-MLM shouldn't use top/bottom/vers might be considered gatekeeping by non-MLM, but in fact, protecting our language from appropriation isn't gatekeeping.

Also also, I'm using MLM here as an umbrella term for gay men, bisexual men, nonbinary people who love men and other nonbinary people, and everyone else who might identify with "gay" in the MLM sense. This post is not to gatekeep who is able to identify as MLM.

So what can you do if you're not MLM? First, stop using those words to refer to yourself, and start thinking more critically about who you're calling a top, bottom, or vers. Remember to educate yourself about queer language and terminology and to listen to MLM, especially trans MLM and MLM of color.

You can also reblog this post. I'm not going to guilt you into reblogging, or say that not reblogging this is homophobic, but I would still strongly encourage it. If you're not MLM, please don't start shit, just listen. My asks are open if you want to become more educated on this topic!

#asks #gay #discourse #queer politics

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winterpower98 · 2 years

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(Double Training AU) So I thought about your comment about the twins being disappointed at Red & co if they overheard the mayor.

Honestly I'm walking a fine line of somehow explaining the actions of Iron Fan and DBK, the excuse of asian parenting can only go so far and as far as I know my parents haven't unleashed a demon before so I have no reference. I think I mainly just want them to be pretty scarce with affection but still 100% proud of their son (you simply can't convince me the guy who can recite the exact hour of his son's birth isn't at least a little proud of the tyke) Iron Fan switches between matriarch of a dying kingdom and tired mom sitting in the corner of her son's workshop watching him work. DBK is trying his best but being absent for 500 years kinda makes it awkward to readjust to interacting with people. Iron Fan after DBK got sealed away, makes Red Son hug her before he leaves for things (modeling this after my mom, she said you never know which one could be our last it's a bit depressing but I think it applies well here, Iron Fan can't lose her other boy now that DBK is gone) DBK on the other hand only hugs Red when he's crying, partially so he doesn't need to keep looking at his crying face and partially because that's the only time he feels like it's appropriate to give affection.

(Side tangent: being in an asian household is weird, knowing people talk to their parents is weird, me relating to canon Red Son but also seeing multiple fics writing PIF and DBK as abusive gives me mixed feelings :/ I don't even know how to put it in words)

There's also the point of in canon Macaque was supposed to release LBD but since he never died, I don't think he's actually met her before? So maybe after using it to seal away the demon, it was kept hidden but over the years just started drifting from place to place and only recently ending up with the Mayor?

So as the Mayor and LBD's eyes in the mortal realm, he would probably have kept an eye on the recent demon attacks in the city. Letting him decide to "give" the key to Red Son instead of MK. His phone call staged and a ploy to peak the demon's interest since he can't just award the demon with the key like he did with MK in canon.

I was also thinking, maybe despite being imprisoned LBD can still interact with the living world, haven't figured out exactly how maybe magic shards that the mayor places where she directs him to? Anyways mainly I just want her to haunt DBK a bit, maybe during his imprisonment. That would help explain his megalomaniac tendencies also how he can find the tomb and why he even thinks it'll grant him power.

I think after he gets LBD out of his system he would start actually connecting with his family, to the relief of PIF and the absolute joy of Red.

I really need to write some actual fics to start tying things together haha

Thanks for letting me ramble again!

-💙

These are all interesting takes on the Bull Family

And maybe Mayor and LBD can still communicate telepathically even if she's locked away? She could direct him around and tell him what to do, but she wouldn't have a physical impact on the world

But I understand why it would make you feel weird or uncomfortable the way other people write them. We identify a lot we the characters from the shows we like, and in this case specifically, this family was in part written to reflect Asian parenting. So, it makes sense for you to have mixed feelings about the way they are written in fiction and you are valid for it

#lego monkie kid #lego monkie kid au #monkie kid #monkie kid au #double training au #winter answer #winterpower98

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hydnes · 1 year

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okay so this might be annoying since you've already got a couple asks about it and im asking this to just understand and be a better ally so. You're like. Aroace but you want a boyfriend? I'm really confused about that, like is there a sort of spectrum of aromanticness.. I'm wording this horribly but please know im asking in good nature

uh how it works for me is that i want a committed partnership that doesn't necessarily have the obligations of romance due to the DID (some alters are super repulsed by it) so that'd entail no kissing, no hugging, so on and so forth. having separate rooms would be the biggest thing because you go on r/relationships or some shit and people are like "THIS IS A SIGN OF A FAILING RELATIONSHIP". some of us are even distraught by the words "i love you" which is also alarming but hey - can't help it.

most people, i've realized, would be very hurt and disappointed if they were basically treated like a glorified roommate half the time. if you want to use the term "QPP" that'd apply here and is essentially what i want. like a romance-favorable situation but not strictly romantic. idk how to word this without stepping into "allos aren't friends with their partners >:(" territory, i obviously don't think that, but i don't think the average person has a reaaaaaally close friend who's mostly their roommate but they sometimes kiss but only sometimes and it's like, exclusive and so on. and they might get married for the legal aspects of it like hospital visitation but that's about it.

but, yeah there's kind of a spectrum of aromanticism and i do identify as arospec as opposed to strictly aromantic. i will acknowledge that a lot of this shit is just normal and isn't exclusive and if you're like "wtf that sounds like me though" maybe you have something to ponder over, or maybe not. i find the label helpful and healthy though and that's all a label should be, it's easier to explain than "yeah so i'm gay (generally speaking) but i'm also really fucking weird"

(+ also you can imagine and want things and then in practice look at them and go "i hate this, let me back into my fantasy daydream world" but that doesn't... apply here)

(++ also also controversial take but you don't necessarily need to be an ally to this stuff specifically because this is just a way of experiencing a sexuality rather than it's own thing, if you asked me though i'd categorize myself as gay before arospec or arospec specifically within the gay mlm etc community. so i'm sure others would disagree)

tl;dr: i have DID, some alters are romance-repulsed, i personally just have weird boundaries, identifying as arospec is a clean and tidy way of acknowledging those things, and i use terms for close partners interchangeably (and finally: i apologize for the confusion)

#i think you may be confusing me with someone else also as you're the first person to ask about this #good question though i have been looking for an excuse to explain myself #mail

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vegaseatsass · 1 year

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Just wanted to say that when you said you consider yourself "autism-adjacent" I felt kind of understood. I think I'm always between calling myself allistic or autistic or maybe just ND or something else. I don't know to which extent I mask or to which extent I am just faking autistic experiences, and while I love being in the autistic communities online (and having autistic friends to whom i will never ever breathe a word of my own doubts about my self dx), I do feel like an intruder so I never want to share my experiences or talk above someone else.

Oh anon, I'm so glad to hear that resonated for you even a little bit! This is a post that really helped me: https://vegaseatsass.tumblr.com/post/706935614630772736/tamlin-the-thing-is-you-dont-have-to-have-a so maybe it will help you too.

Like, there are huge issues when people with a mild version of an experience (whether that's like, an experience of oppression, a disability, anything else), or the most "relatable"/palatable-to-the-power-structure version of an identity (like autism), become the spokesperson for the entire group; I firmly believe it's worth staying mindful of that and actively working to center and amplify the most vulnerable and/or norms-challenging members of ANY community one is a part of.

But I think it starts to get really complex beyond that! I don't think sharing experiences is automatically talking above anyone else or taking up space or resources. If there are behaviors or traits, or strategies or accommodations, that fit an autism diagnosis, which it really helps you to identify with or apply to your own life, it is not imo hurting anybody else to incorporate those into your identity and approach to the world.

But I still feel so weird about doing it myself!!! I've been diagnosed with 7 or so different labels over the past 20 years, which leads to me feeling like I'm faking at all of them. My current dx (Non-Verbal Learning Disorder) has helped me the most in terms of strategies and accommodations, but I still feel like a faker because I don't fit all the different criteria, and the parts I do fit mostly feel mild (except for the executive dysfunction, which was so debilitating to me it's taken me decades to get to a place where I can feed myself or work - but this is hardly the only dx w/ executive dysfunction as a symptom!!!). Then even with NLD, there's like debate on if it's even a real??? learning disorder??? or if it's just a non-stigmatized name for a particular kind of autism??? or what, and it's just all incredibly confusing to me LOL.

What I've found the most useful is 1) identifying symptoms, and not worrying about connecting them to an umbrella term. Just focusing on managing the symptoms that are obstacles to the life I want to live, and on embracing/reframing the ones that are authentic/benign parts of who I am that don't need to be managed beyond pressure to seem "normal" 2) letting myself relate to anyone describing experiences that resonate for me, quietly and internally. Not running up to anyone sharing something personal I relate to and acting like we're the same, but just letting my own "I feel that too! I see myself in what you're saying!" response be a way I connect to the world while staying quiet/private about a lot of my own experiences, outside of therapy and a few really close, really safe friendships. Friendships where I know it will be validating to hear that I see myself in what's being described (and/or where we can communicate about the times when it's not) instead of risking invalidating or minimizing somebody else's experience.

I know there has to be a better way for people like you and I to express our authentic experiences without this level of second-guessing, and a way to create spaces where it doesn't feel like getting ourselves "wrong" comes with any risk for a community we care about, but I'm at least not there yet so it's easier for me to like, do more listening than talking for now, and also get really wrapped up in fiction where I can relate to whoever I want to however deeply I want to. Khun Sam 😍

I also strongly feel that the beauty of terms like neurodivergent is that, like "queer", you don't have to be able to lay out every detail about who you are for anyone else. You can have questions or some internal suspicions about who you are and how you work that connect you to a community/a sort of general scope of collective experiences, and figure out the specifics with time and care, including if/as those specifics change.

I HOPE THAT MADE SENSE, I am not the most clearheaded today at all but I really wanted to respond. Thanks for sending me this message and I so hope you start to feel like more of a beloved member of the communities you're in instead of an intruder.

#asks #such clumsy typing tonight sorry #autism #neurodivergence #non-verbal learning disorder #personal personal personal #please @ anyone feel free to take issue w/ anything i said here #i'm not only not at my best but i don't feel super strongly about anything but that we should be kind to each other #and it's ok to not fit inside really clearcut lines and still learn from other people

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hamliet · 2 years

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I don’t want to offend anyone but I can’t understand why you said Mel is biphobic ? Lindsay never said she’s bi, she said she’s lesbian but imo you definitely don’t fit the Label if you’ve sex with men / are attracted to men unless you feel forced to do so (if anything Lindsay’s comment can actually be hurtful to the Lesbian community because some women fight for the right of being attracted to women only). That’s why I think her sexuality is much more bi than anything else.

I can see your point, but I don't think it's so black and white. But it is complex and there's a lot of nuance needed, so... I kind of rambled? Hope that's okay! Also, it's fiction, so arguing about a fictional character's sexuality has a weird feeling to it.

That said, I called Mel's reaction biphobic because she does freak out that Lindsay was with a man specifically, and I know many bi people were offended by that. But, well, words and labels are--

See, labels are general categories that help us communicate and figure ourselves out, but labels aren't perfect. No word or words can capture every unique experience, and that's just one of the limits of language. This applies to sexuality, gender identity, and a whole host of issues.

For example, there are people who discover their sexuality later in life. Plenty of people grow up in environments where they can't even consider the idea that they might not be straight without associating it with extreme stress/hellfire/whatever, and so shut off that part of them. Later, when they're in a healthier place, they realize "oh shit, I've actually never been sexually attracted to men; I just thought I had to do this, but I never enjoyed sex. I never even knew what sexual attraction was until I met her." (I know people IRL for whom this is their story.) Because they had sex with men earlier in their lives, does that make them not a valid lesbian?

There are also people who wonder "what if" and are curious, only to realize no, actually, that's not really for me. That is fine. Exploration isn't inherently a bad thing. Yes, many people are certain of their identity from the start, but others aren't for various reasons, and that's okay. People often frame equality in binary terms, and while I get why we do that--again, language, aligning with the familiar helps communicate--I don't think it's the be-all-end-all of experience.

Also, then we have gender identity, which is itself divided weirdly and not nearly so binary as we might think. Not even just with nonbinary folks, but with those who identify as women, it's a rainbow! Trans women, intersex women with CAIS or any other syndrome... they don't always fit the binary. Caster Semenya, for example, is an intersex woman athlete married to a woman. I believe she identifies as a lesbian. She is, but then you have TERFs and conservatives arguing that she isn't because x,y,z, hormone levels and blah blah blah, and that's just... awful and unfair. There are plenty of genetic conditions and factors we don't even know about, and diseases that can affect hormones, and more. Does that make you not something you've always been, if suddenly you get Cushing's or your PCOS acts up and hormones go wild?

I just have 0 interest in policing peoples' identities because labels are the best way we have to communicate currently, but they are flawed and limited by language's limits (time periods, scopes, etc.--no word can cover every experience). Whatever someone says they are, if they like, actually mean it and aren't trolling or using it to hurt someone, I'll call them that. It doesn't do me any good to be like "hey, you're not actually what you say you are." So that's why I said that, but I do understand why people call her bi and don't think it's like, inherently wrong or a sign anyone's a bad person!

Do I think that if the show were made today, or if Lindsay was a real human being who was alive today, she might consider herself bisexual? Yeah! I think she well might. I think the show in general doesn't acknowledge bisexuality, and that's a major flaw of it. But insofar as what she identified as on the show, she calls herself a lesbian, so I don't personally care to call her anything else. But again, fiction, so you do you.

#ask hamliet #qaf #lindsay peterson

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