#was a weird time man. a truly weird time

[jorvikzelda]

today i had this Vivid memory flash through my mind of kissing my ex boyfriend (this was like 2018) and i felt so viscerally fucking revolted and I gotta say. it is truly impressive that I didn’t realise I’m a lesbian sooner than fucking half a year ago

#z talks #like the misidentifying as ace was Inevitable i think. that was due to repression that realising i didnt like men would not have fixed #(context: id’d as bi ace like. i wanna say 2016/17-2021/22 sometime and then went into ace and Questioning) #remember the time i really solidly settled on being aro because ‘romance has never not felt like a chore and putting on a facade’ #babe no thats because your most recent and also singular long term relationship was with a Man #and thats the only one youre looking back on #its so funny how i dated a guy and it was so thoroughly Meh that i just didnt feel like pursuing anything romantic for a very long time #(A REACTION I HAD NOT HAD AFTER MY PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS WITH GIRLS) #And DIDN’T somehow consider that maybe I just Didn’t Like Guys #its nothing i grieve or feel sad about dw its honestly mostly funny to look back on #no wrongs were committed and i dont hold a grudge against the guy it was just me being confused and compheted #(…which is also a weird word to apply because at the time i identified and was out to my friends as a trans guy Binary. #This Was Also Wrong.) #was a weird time man. a truly weird time #anyway. all is well i have now been on 2 dates with a really cute girl and she gave me tulips <3 #as part of a Care Delivery bc i had a Migraine and No Painkillers Or Snacks #get well flowers <333333 #and now i dream of kissing her under the moonlight #With the uh. Hornetposting lately it May seem unlikely but yes I DO interact with real women! Romantically! #They coexist Wonderfully <3 #Anyway. I’m gonna go to bed #Realising that im a lesbian solved all my identity problems including my fucking gender which is just fantastic #I am very happy and whenever I think of being a lesbian it grounds me to reality a little bit stronger and i go yeah. Yeah.

[mayxo-hxh]

I personally think that Kikyo would absolutely be thrilled that Illumi found himself a man he wants to marry as strong, handsome and fit to be Zoldyck as Hisoka.

Hisoka is strong enough to be considered an equal to a zoldyck, which means strength is no problem for him. And I don't know about you but the way he assassinated that terradin man that was threatening to reveal illumis identity at the end of the election arc? CHEFS. KISS. THATS A WHOLE ZOLDYCK WIFE RIGHT THERE. And Hisoka is a certain type of fucked up enough to be a Zoldyck, even if he is... mmm.. self aware. Even if he himself thinks zoldycks are a special kind of fucked up. He'd fit.

I always see people make silva and kikyo disagree with illumi marrying hisoka but i soooo heavily disagree. Like what is there NOT to be proud of in Illumi's marriage choice. There is not a single other character IN THE ENTIRE ANIME fit to be Zoldyck than Hisoka Morow and I will fight people on that.

Something a lot of people also don't realize is that the Zoldycks are not a family that discriminates in the slightest (this is a whole discussion on its own but examples are how Kikyo is from meteor city, the butlers are taken from anywhere as long as they have the skill to work and one of the people who attacked kukuroo mountain to hunt the zoldycks now works for them instead. The zoldycks didnt hesitate to hire that mf they fr dont gaf lmfao)

there are soooooooo many misconceptions about the zoldycks in general and i think thats what aids the whole "the zoldycks would HATE hisoka" thing but like. nah. they wouldnt.

I also think about how Kikyo found Silva at such a young age. I bet she was constantly nagging Illumi and asking when he'd get a partner himself. Now he's got it, Millukiiii ITS YOOOURRR TURRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!

#some people would say “oh theyll hate him when they meet him!” but why though. #“the way he dresses!” ?? so what. have u seen the way the zoldycks dress lmfao. their son is literally twinning with that magician #“he'll make it weird” Ya Allah no he fucking wont 💀 people base this off a very fanon characterization of hisoka. #Like no he wont moan out of nowhere because theyre a powerful family he already knows that buddy. #hes kept it in multiple times before in a muted reaction please stop making it seem like hes a man with no self control i beg lmfao #Surprise surprise Hisoka acts weird on purpose when he puts on a show because thats how he wants to be percieved #but hes very self aware and knows whats considered weird and disrepectful and certainly wont fuck it all up for him and illumi for 0 reason #me when i finally get to marry the love of my life and i fuck it up because i decide itd be quirky and the fans want me to #hisoka is a much more calmer and quiet person when hes not purposely being weird and thats what people dont want to accept #anyways rant over #whewwww thats a rant and a half lmfao #I wish hisoka as a character was given more analysis and study than the 3 scenes that make him popular #anyways. rant TRULY over. here are the normal tags #hisoillu #hisoka x illumi #illumi #illumi zoldyck #hisoka #hisoka morow #hisoka zoldyck #hunter x hunter #hxh #my post #i feel like if i mentioned how hisoka has adhd on here id get thrown pitchforks at. #let alone the fact that hes very asexual coded #i dont really feel safe on this website at all to discuss any of this yet lmao #people literally laugh when you say hes shy when its literally??? a canon fact stated by hisoka himself?? and backed up by many scenes???? #but i dont think i ever will feel safe here tbh. i just have to. do it. and fuck it whatever happens or whoever laughs at me. #just like ive done on twitter for years until ive finally created a complete safe space for myself #secret rant at the end because maybe nobody will look here

[moeblob]

So it occurs to me that I posted most of their lore on my OC blog (though a few posts on here have the story info) and honestly I think it's very important to note that the entire reason a guy from Florida is recruited to help defeat the demon lord isn't him as the hero. His younger brother (by about ten years younger) is the Chosen Hero and... not very good at it. So the goddess (Solei) who had selected the hero has to begrudgingly go back to earth and convince his older brother to help save her world.

(Also Reynold admits to Solei that "Sascha could never be a bad influence. He's the best impulse control I've ever had" and she really doesn't like to hear it. That's terrifying.)

#my characters #sascha is The demon lord and there is truly only one at a time #solei however is simply a goddess - not the only one of divinity #i dont actually know if thats been mentioned on either art blog lmao #also its not pictured here but reynold is recruited and only asks for one favor when in the other world (from solei) #he wants to be a woman while he helps his brother #she thinks its a weird flex but ok whatever buddy you can be a woman #and the logic is not him actually wanting to be one its just you see his younger brother finds it weird #to have a guy cling to him and dote on him like reynold does and said One Time WHY COULDNT YOU BE A SISTER THIS IS WEIRD #and so reynold is briefly rey for about a month before being held hostage by sascha and hes like... super polite #and asks her if she was cursed and so shes like uhhh what and he mentions looking at her gives him a headache #because the core and the outer appearance arent the same and he can revert her back to her original form if she wants #and she does so rey goes back to reynold which is very nice and reynold appreciates it #because honestly looking at rey in a mirror gives HIM a headache cause solei designed his appearance #and it was so bright thank you demon lord for giving the florida man his natural boring look back #also reynold will always carry sunglasses because solei can just appear and she is way too bright to deal with without eye protection #solei is not amused and thinks its basically slander against her godly appearance and reynold just smiles at her and tells her tough luck #he wants his vision for his new hot husband she can deal with a little insubordination #florida man begs for torture bc he can handle that and he knows it #is instead handed courtesy and manners and doesnt know what to do with it - quickly developing what he claims is NOT stockholm syndrome #solei and sascha quietly muttering about what that could possibly mean cause they dont know what this guy is talking about

[theswedishpajas]

The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄

#my art stuff #digital art #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #this is part of a series I like to call “I’m never settling on a singular detailed artstyle” #I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style #but I truly don’t get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!! #I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me it’s a futile attempt at still doing realism #cus I’m one of those “gifted” artists that grew up promising his parents he’ll end up among the big names or whatever #constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal #you know how it is 😔 #I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff - #- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it #which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance #I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead #it’s so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it “wrong” #at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards #man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether #either way - this man is a flustered mess and he’s embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something #being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff #don’t ask why he’s shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes #tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me #i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure

[colorful-horses]

My review of Miraculous Ladybug S5 so far is that it has a lot of scenes that I like in theory, but in action just end up being very silly and way over dramatic

#that being said. i love them all the same #genuinely obsessed with this show #but man it handles everything in such an odd way #they always spend so much time talking about nothing for the first 75% of the episode #and then the last 25% hikes up the drama to 100 and its always so abrupt #'illusion' is an excellent example of this lol #that episode had such a strange and sudden tone shift #its bizarre that the episodes are 22 minutes long but still barely manage to say anything #this is all technically criticism but make no mistake. i wouldnt have it any other way #this is truly the peak of miraculous ladybug. this is what it should ALWAYS be #so far i dont think theres been an episode where ive been particularly BORED. theyve all got a little spice to them #which i appreciate #well. i kinda didnt like the first 2 episodes. those were just a lot of running around #but everything after that has been exactly what i wanted #tldr: the pacing is weird and i wouldnt change a thing #my notes document on this show is up to 8 pages. ive never had as many opinions on a show as I do this one #im a certified miraculous stan

[andsotheuniverseended]

Orimar Vale sir if you happen to be free any night this week i would love to discuss sensory overload and the pursuit of escaping the limits of humanity to become a story that will never die with you

#Universe Ends Posts #Campaign: Skyjacks #im still like 30 episodes behind but gods i LOVE Orimar SO much #like not only is he a man who when faced with the VERY complex question of what will happen to the power he amasses after he dies #answers with 'well i shall simply never die. i will in fact continue to exist forever so it wont be a problem' #but he's also GOOFY and SWEET and has a Weird relationship with his BODY #and he has a pet hummingbird that he loves and one time he told someone to kneel down to him as king and that was HOT #genuinely just. iconic moves all around??? Orimar is all hits no misses got me truly obsessed #kinda guy who is both so incredibly smart and also incredibly silly and also incredibly intimidating and regal #he has the RANGE Orimar Vale can do it ALL #thank you mx nathan for this GIFT

[crimeronan]

there's ALSO hilarity potential in the princess luz AU w amity being like "okay. so he's your cousin on a technicality but like barely acts like your cousin and is basically your brother but you don't call him your brother and you guys are a lot weirder and clingier than i've ever been with my siblings but you're also definitely not lovers so what..... what DO you call him" and luz being like "he's just hunter :) he's my special little guy :)" while hunter, who's been listening to and watching this entire exchange bc he's around luz All The Fucking Time, is like [inb4 amity can say it herself] "i'm her pet dog. woof."

#sorry. my rodansey is showing. theyre even closer to rodansey in this AU than in the canon and it Gets Me Every Time #truly neither luz nor hunter beating the 'you two are fucking weird' allegations #my favorite relationships are always the queerplatonic pairs that are equal parts wholesome and DISASTROUS #like you guys arent just a sexless romanceless romance. theres something so much more deeply bizarre and wrong with you #that's what i want. all the time. amity's gonna get stuck with both these idiots for life #she's gonna love them both So Much. and theyre both SO STUPID. #ideal. so good. can you tell i'm in some pain. i gotta take a migraine med. think about these three #toh #shitty idiot repression gang #lumity #and who is that other witch #horrible mindscape trauma pals #princess luz au #hunter: i'm her silly rabbit. amity: is that what she calls you. hunter: no #luz mostly just refers to him as her best friend if pressed. but hes her right hand arm man. et cetera

[kelpermoosee]

I need to draw Booigi real soon, the lack of them is making me itchy

#kelperambles #uhhh pic is unrelated but I thought the paper luigi was cute 💖 #anyways I just wanted to ramble about how much I love booigi LMAO #but like I need the very specific type of booigi that has been rotting in my brain in order to be satisfied #OKAY OKAY. picture this: Names are such an important thing to Luigi. Many people don’t tend to remember the bare minimum about him #so he really appreciates the few people who take enough time to remember his actual name or small things about him #then when King Boo pulls up he’s literally yelling Luigi’s name and cursing him out #sure while Luigi is still scared of him he can’t help but feel flattered that King Boo subconsciously respects him enough to call him Luigi #not green mario. not the man in green. just him…truly him. #and while Luigi might not want an designated enemy (like what Mario and bowser have) #the fact that king boo believes that Luigi is significant enough to be his enemy is something Luigi cannot ignore #King Boo acknowledges Luigi for his strengths in his weird theater kid way #but I can really see them growing closer together once Luigi discovers that King Boos plays everything up just to be DRAMATIC ✨✨ #king boo WANTS luigi to react. and if he doesn’t get that he more or less just lets go of the act #like what’s the point of setting everything up if Luigi’s not even going to match his high energy? #honestly they just need to both RELAX for a second and they would really hit it off #it’s actually embarrassing. they’re so embarrassing.

[prettysymbiosis]

frank vs. russia

starting the episode in media res and the circular storytelling!! the writing in this episode is really good overall, just so clever and inventive and effective. go off megan

“you ARE ready. everything you need is already inside you” sunny is ready to do a gay, gay-ass love story you guys. the gays are already inside it

titling it frank vs. russia when that’s clearly the b-plot? because we’re burying the lead? because we’re telling lies???

the denny’s shirt…

“aren’t you like 60?” misogyny is so sad 😞

dennis ANYBODY can get a guy to bang them ONCE reynolds

everyone wants dennis’ help but who will help dennis? :(

when mac says “it’s VERY romantic” dennis literally smacks the counter like… yikes

“one day he will and it is going to be hot” - I choose to believe this means that rcg think old man yaoi is hot and they are excited to show it :)

sunnyblr university is producing so many brilliant scholars who understand the significance of the beads as a metaphor for queerness and whether the audience is in or out and how it doesn’t matter because the queerness is all the way in and as of this episode it’s been turned up to full blast and leads us to a resounding victory. I’m just rehashing what others have said but I wanted to make sure I include it with my notes from this episode because it really is such a central idea and yet one that can be so easily missed by someone who isn’t reading the show like this... ugh the duality of sunny will never cease to confound me

dee calling mac out like yes bitch get his ass!! (so to speak)

uncle fucking jack walks in saying “they dropped all those charges weeks ago” - playdate EW - “I don’t– I don’t have any ice cream” - “shut UP dude, that’s gross, man”

charlie is so PRECIOUS in his little outfit and glasses

is he schizophrenic? I wonder if that will come up again or if it was just a throwaway joke

violent heterosexual shushing from dennis

the backing track of the sinned system/date scene is “in the hall of the mountain king” and it’s just so fucking classic sunny and so perfect

how did mac show patrick that he needed his power? and how did he engage physically?? we need to know these things!!!

kaitlin’s whole performance in the date scene is so fucking good

“the person who made him feel powerful, but also powerless.” the macdennis of it all is truly overwhelming sometimes

 the person whose validation he’s been seeking his entire life :/

“it worked” jesus christ mac

“well yeah but listen, the dennis system is a system for getting a woman. this is a system for getting a man, and that’s why sinned is actually dennis backwards!!” when I first watched this episode I was high as balls and sick with anticipation and this whole bit nearly pushed me over the edge. I mean he basically just straight up says that it’s bad for him to like men (sin) after explaining a tried-and-true system for getting them???

and then mac and dee are like “what are the chances??” and dennis is like HIGH >:( because they don’t see it. they don’t see it even though it’s been plain as day the whole time :(

dennis: “I’m still buzzin from last night” 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

AND I HAVE TO BE WITH HIM oh baby boy I pray you will be

the nastiness in dennis’ voice when he says “well no, see, that’s the thing – johnny doesn’t love you. he doesn’t even like you.” glenn I’m scared of you

“they ARE my favorite” he wanted mac to realize :( and yes the crabs are deeply metaphorical

“yeah, because I AM johnny” “then who’s dennis?” “what do you mean?!” “well if you’re johnny, then who– who’s you?” one of the best sunny exchanges of all time!!!!!!!! I cannot overstate how much I love this dialogue. it just captures so much about them so succinctly go off megan!!!!!

“I can’t engage with you on this right now” great delivery rob, so funny

does dennis want to control frank like a pawn bc he felt like that’s what frank did to him? or he’s just frustrated at mac and wants a situation he feels in control of?

kaitlin’s “... yeah” when dennis asks if dee has more pills is just so funny I keep remembering it and laughing randomly

“we’re gonna need to turn the lights out.” GLENN I’M SCARED OF YOU

the POV Being Frank throwback! I love the tossing of the clothes and the blackness and the sound of the door, cool little sequence

charlie’s such a good cheerleader 🥹 his little point is so funny

do you ever wonder what danny devito might be doing with his career if he wasn’t pretending to be split in half by giant vibrating anal beads on it’s always sunny in philadelphia??

“you don’t have to do this” this one speaks for itself I think.

dennis and uncle jack, two sexual deviants having a laugh in the van :| (also the van situation is so classic sunny obvs)

mrs. mac saying “nice” god there are just so many hilarious little character beats in this episode

“I DON’T KNOW HOW ELSE TO TELL YOU!!!” :( what’s in the texts rcgm

macdennis fightin :)

the full-blast alarm sound effect just gets me every time like to me that is peak comedy

The Burning Heart by Survivor is kind of macdennis coded tbh… “It's a primitive clash venting years of frustrations / Bravely we hope against all hope / There is so much at stake” “Does the crowd understand?” “Though his body says ‘stop!’ his spirit cries ‘never!’ (omg) / Deep in our soul a quiet ember knows it's you against you” like sorry if this song was supposed to be for straight people but it’s not anymore

so there’s something there about what’s acceptable and going full blast. the mommy issues are now explicit. dennis is bisexual. and he chose to have a romantic and sexual relationship with mac while pretending to be someone else, to the point that mac was in love with this other version of him. and he was so mad mac didn’t realize that he actually played his hand and told him, and mac still couldn’t accept it, upsetting dennis further. wtf man these homos are INSANE

#I realize the new episode just aired so this is weird timing lol but I've had a busy week #also it's long! because I got shit to say!!! #and this was truly such a jam-packed episode like I am genuinely impressed bc we all know the writing can be hit or miss #but this one was in a league of its own man #sunny #always sunny #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #s16 #s16e4 #frank vs. russia #dennis #macdennis #I'm having so much fun being crazy with all you little gay people on the internet :)

[xenonsdoodles]

qualified professor moments

#fire emblem #byleth #byleth is vibing 90% of the time. just rolling with whatever the hell. yknow #also I keep writing him as having truly ass-awful proprioception #like his coordination is fine but ask him if he's hot or cold and he simply does not know #if you ask him how he's doing emotionally? man who the Fuck knows. he caught a fish earlier. does that help #it's not that he never has clearly identifiable emotions or sensations at all it's just that they're the exception #anyway. weird guy.

[peppermintpegis]

netflix one piece live action feels a little like fanfic in that it makes sure it hits all the important notes but doesnt do all the work to make them hit which works in fic where the reader is supposed to bring all the emotional story investment from the original but doesnt work in a multi million adaptation that is supposed to be able to stand on its own or even serve as an intro to the series. it even does this in service to have more koby and helmeppo gay moments in this essay i w

#one piece #opla #the fleshing out of koby and helmeppo is like honestly good its a beacon of light its truly really fun #and all the actors are great it is just what they are given . #they didnt let nami do any real betraying. they didnt even have her steal the merry!! she just stole the map that they added in!!!! #ddont get me started on the gutting of sanjis intro. i dont give a shit about if don krieg appears or not i need to see this guy fuckin #feed the hand thats about to kill him im going to start shaking like a dog. #im almost madder krieg appeared for just a little id rather have that time be used for. anything else really. #like have one of arlongs guys starved half to death when they get to arlong park!or idk anything! no gin appears look its gin! you know him #sanji doesnt even get to beat the shit out of a shitty guest. like i guess he does a little but it feels so blink and you miss it #+the first like two eps were good!! buggys great hes scary and weird and fun. i dont mind that he sticks around longer in theory #but the way he is comedic relief instead of basically every character having funny bits is like. ahghhhgggg. its a symptom of this really #mean and edgy feeling the whole thing has. like the removal of people missing usopps pirate calling :( and how cocoyashi didnt know #nami was working to help them. like p. please. can we have caring and bonds in this world?? trust and love??? #anyway. sorry for having expectations of a netflix show im so close to putting this into a more proper form rather than tags. just to get i #all out of my system cause fuck man. #anyway solid 7/10 not as bad as it couldve been

[instinctsxbad]

*scratching at the walls thinking about how no one has adapted Peter’s college arcs in a consistent and satisfying way.*

#coffee bean gang #spider-man #I was almost asleep but now I’m thinking about how there isn’t one piece of media out there that checks all the boxes #of adapting Peter in college + the coffee bean gang + doesn’t downsize the group or combine characters #+ does everyone in a decent way even if it’s not strictly comic accurate #raimi trilogy is one of the only ones that heads pretty quickly into the college era and also involves more than just gwen or mj #and as much as I like the films it does not handle the three of them in a way that scratches the itch for me #I mean for one it’s only Peter Harry and MJ. I like those three arguably the most but man the dynamic isn’t the same #especially bc Tobey’s Peter is much more serious and quiet/awkward with negative charisma (affectionately but still.) #MJ is mixed w Gwen’s personality which was disappointing to me bc I like MJ’s weird and super vibrant personality #and Harry loses some of the ‘kind of a sweet guy but very VERY fucked up’ and relies too heavily on Harry becoming the goblin for revenge #I sound super critical of the Raimi versions qhwjrjwkr I DO like them I do but it feels like completely alternate interps of the characters #most focus on spider-man’s origin which I totally get but also. Peter’s most interesting arcs happen in college #that’s why everyone has to adapt them into the high school years #(which they can do bc Peter was largely friendless during that time and was still fighting some truly d-tier guys #in between the forming of the famous spidey rogue gallery) #I mean I wouldn’t even complain if they chose to do the high school years and actually DID those instead of pasting the college arcs on it #I haven’t watch the 90s show but I want to— does Harry exist in that one bc I know they took out Gwen #at the risk of sounding like That kind of tssm fan. the closest we got to that dream was that show #bc they WERE gonna follow it into Peter’s college years and you could see them setting the gang up #it still fell into the ‘everyone is a childhood friend’ thing so the characters could all be there but it’s one of the most bearable ones

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her. #but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core) #but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke. #like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to??? #everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those) #i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women'' #which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love) #i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it?? #even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses?? #that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger??? #and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

[gideonisms]

explaining my lifestyle: no see this looks like horrible depression but I actually feel much better than I did when I was putting work into improving myself ♥️

#my apartment looks fine and average and my grades are fine and average #my skin looks fine and average my clothing is just okay my relationships aren't in the trash fire #yes i spend 10-12 hours a day zoning out or doing stuff unrelated to anything i'm supposed to be doing #yes i only leave this apt a few times a week #yes i struggle to eat enough sleep at consistent times and turn stuff in on time #but being kind of dysfunctional is incredibly relaxing #i go to bed actively hoping i'll wake up! like i will be there going oh hope i get to live the whole year/decade/next fifty years so i can #do my fun activities! #idk if this is actually true but it *feels* like the very first time since i was 18 that nothing is on fire #love to not be actively on fire #i think everyone should experience 'oh man i've been exhausted for a decade and i am going to spend most of a year being weird about it' #you truly have to work it out of your system it makes you hateful and anxious otherwise

[paellegere]

hey girlie it’s me, sam winchesters gay lover, your mootie 🥰🥰🥰 i just wanted to let you know, that your tags on the post about that wincest video are based and i agree with every word, hashtag slay couldn’t agree more i loved reading your essay in those tags heart ❤️

omg thank you!!! i'm basically only capable of talking in essays whether people want me to or not, unfortunately

i just have a lot of feelings on this topic and the whole "canon or not canon" argument is weird to me; the themes are pretty darn clear in supernatural (it is NOT known for its subtlety) so idk man. they don't have to kiss to be canon. and they don't have to have a romantic relationship to be canon either. how many times do they get into relationships with other people only for it to be treated as cheating/betrayal/abandonment, only for them have to give up that relationship in order to reaffirm their devotion to their brother

that's just what the text says. i'm not under any kind of delusion that they have some secret sexual or romantic relationship, but that doesn't change that sam and dean are each other's most important person regardless of that. which is really awesome imo, that romance isn't treated as more important than whatever horrible thing they have with each other, and that they don't have to consummate their relationship with romance/sex in order for it to be the most important one they have

(and of course there's romantic/sexual subtext, like parallels and metaphors and misunderstandings and jokes, but to me that just provides a solid foundation for presenting this relationship between them as the most important even though it's not romantic or sexual—because this language of romance is the only one we know, really, when it comes to writing important relationships between characters. it's the only one we know in our own personal lives, to a large extent. so you use the romance/sexuality to symbolize the actual bond they have. which is so much worse lmao)

anyway i think spn is fairly unique in this way because of how no other relationships can really ever stand parallel to the one they share; even in other shows that center male friendship, romance is allowed to coexist with brotherhood. for sam and dean, it's not, and that becomes a point of tension and conflict and resolution many, many times over the course of the show. so like yeah!!! just because it's not romantic or sexual doesn't mean it's not canon, in the sense that their relationship is the point of the show, and it is the most important relationship they have. they chose each other above all else, every single time. yknow, it's "the epic love story of sam and dean" and all that

#ask #sorry. i did not intend to write another essay about this #but as i said i am only capable of talking in essays. my apologies #to be honest the only reason i have so much to say about this is because i have seen some truly baffling takes about what sam and dean are #and every time i see one i have to sit here and think about it. like how did you arrive at that conclusion. what are you watching #mostly in terms of like. people saying sam and dean are not weird and codependent and enmeshed with each other #that's just blatantly not true because again. this show is about sam and dean and their relationship. textually subtextually metatextually #the concept of even having to defend their relationship as canon is as confusing to me as having to defend umm rubysam is canon #or something #like it happened. they were together in canon. we saw them have sex. you can't say rubysam isn't canon because it's right there #same thing with sam and dean. the difference is the nature of their relationship and the fact that i guess people don't want to like #think of it as canon when it's not romantic???? #it's such a no-brainer kind of thing. like the fact that i'm sitting here trying to explain myself is embarrassing me bc it's like #no shit sherlock #but again the only reason i am thinking about this so much is because i keep seeing people trying to deny or downplay their relationship #in the first place #which is BIZARRE to me #like idk i don't see people trying to deny that ummmm fuck. killua and gon hxh aren't canon friends #that they don't even like each other #wow i'm seriously rambling. apparently i have more to say about this topic than i originally conceived #idk man i get people are uncomfortable with incest but the point is that it's like. not. their canon-ness is not related to incest #they're just insane about each other and they are each other's most important person. they are more important than romantic pursuits #the uniqueness is that it trumps all other relationships and cannot coexist with any others. that's what's so canon about it #it's not just friendship. it's not just brothers. it's not just husbands. it's everything and nothing and so much more all at once #shrugs. sorry for rambling AGAIN #i hope i'm making sense here #supernatural #wincest #spn posting

[cleromancy]

i absolutely do not vibe at all with any red hood steph concept ive ever seen because fucking nobody engages with it in any depth its just 🤔🤔 steph is basically the same as jason right? people who dont like jason online say so so it must be true~

like i need you first of all to walk back several steps and understand two major things about utrh and stephanie brown here. the first is that steph got into crime fighting in the first place bc she wanted to ~spoil~ the crimes of her c-list supervillain father. the second is that the core of the tragedy of the red hood is that batman is supposed to be his fucking dad.

so if you do want to do a red hood stephie concept here which. to be clear is not something i am INHERENTLY opposed to. you have a couple options to make it potentially coherent but you need to actually be deliberate and clear about what youre trying to do with that concept. you need to step away from jasons tragedy and look at hers and figure out where exactly her anger and hurt are coming from and who exactly theyre directed at, as well as what specifically in your au concept it would be so different than the canon one where when she comes back she wants to do pretty much the opposite of what jason wanted when *he* came back.

and. crucially. if the difference is the relationship she has to bruce being different you actually do need to show not tell that dude. im sorry but if you just *tell* me that in your universe that steph has a more deep and meaningful relationship to bruce i 100% always am like "ill believe it when i fucking see it". like, she has parents of her own and while that doesnt preclude having a more signficant relationship with bruce (see: timmy)... you really do have to do the legwork or it looks like youre just writing them out and asking us to take your word for it that Of Course steph wants bruce to adopt her, hes batman! gag, retch, spew. do notdo this.

FRANKLY in a reverse robins concept i vibe way more with steph as red robin than anything specifically her getting the dumpster costume from whoever you do put in the red hood role. (frankly x2 i still think if they really truly had to do the storyline they did in canon where shes still trying to do bruces dirty work for him and hires assassins to kill tim to ~make him better~ lmao she should have been the one who wore the Bad Robin uniform before tim got it instead of fuckin ulysses i just think it would have been more coherent and also funner for me personally)

anyway if you link me a red hood steph concept here and it sucks or does any of the things i Just finished critiquing i will be very irritated and i will not be polite to you about it. just as a fair warning.

#still kind of mad about this one time the topic came up and someone linked me a rh steph bc 'shes so sexy in it' #i was like bestie does the term gay man mean anything to you. and they were like #'oh sorry im asexual so i forgot that when some people say sexy it means they want to Fuck them' #... #like can you walk me through any of your logic here. why sexy was the adjective you used in the first place instead of like #'interesting'. 'compelling.' 'charismatic' even #why are you acting like im the weird one for assuming you meant attractive or swoonworthy being the main draw of the character. #why am i supposdly the one who made it about whether or not *either of us* wants to fuckthe fictional character. i wasnt even thinking that! #i truly madly deeply did not assume anything more than that you meant attractive when you said attractive #lmfao. #this wasnt even the only time that shit has happened to me. please do not do this. #i would love to say with confidence 'you wouldnt say shit like that to a lesbian about sexy men' but frankly i do have a sinking feeling+ #that they would #whatever. none of that was the fucking point #the point is jasons evil era doesnt work if u just copypaste it on steph shes a totally different character the context is totally different #text #dc