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peacefulpianist · 10 months

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The Green Dress

Loki x Fem. Reader (no y/n)

Wow hi everyone, I can't say I ever thought I would be doing this, but I've written something! I've been an avid reader for a few years now and have finally convinced myself to give it a shot. Any constructive criticism is more than welcome, but please do bear in mind this is the first thing I've written since year 8 English that isn't an academic paper of sorts. Anyway I hope you enjoy!

I'm tagging a few members of the SAS who I think may like this? But if you want to be removed please do let me know - no hard feelings at all : @lokisgoodgirl @lokischambermaid @acidcasualties @muddyorbsblr @wheredafandomat @liminalpebble

Description: When Stark invites you last minute to one of his infamous parties, you've not got many options on hand to wear until Nat suggests you wear the green dress you had bought months ago. Perhaps it will be enough to inspire a certain god to finally make his move.

w/c: 4.2k whoops I didn't intend for it to be nearly this long

My Masterlist

“How many times do I need to tell you that you absolutely can not do that Stark!” You exclaimed in exasperation over the cluttered lab table once more.

“But if I just ignored that little thing-” the glare you sent from over the top of your glasses quickly shut his remark down before it could continue any further. Looking contrite, but rather worryingly still determined, Stark pushed back from the table, going slightly further than expected in his chair and trying to style it out as intentional as he almost collided into several rather important projects.

“Well since you’ve thoroughly pooped on that party Brainiac, I’m declaring we call it a day here, and hey speaking of parties, you are coming later aren’t you?” He asked whilst trying not to fall of his chair and catching a rather dangerous looking item falling off one of the nearby tables he had knocked into.

A wave of panic washed through you at the mention of the event later; you had been hoping that as no one had specifically invited you to it, only mentioned it in passing, that you would be able to give it a miss unnoticed. It wasn’t that you disliked Starks events or even parties in general, you just happened to be aware of who else would be there and definitely couldn’t trust yourself to keep up a front with the copious alcohol that would no doubt find its way into your system. Not that you were totally innocent in how it found its way there. You had been hoping to avoid a direct invitation like this, purely because you had a real issue saying no to people, especially those you liked and admired. It was because of this, and only this - not the fact you would get to see Loki in one of his impeccably tailored suits again as a helpful voice in your head supplied, that you found yourself blurting out the following.

“Uh yeah sure, of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world boss!”

You had hoped that it had come out in a convincing tone, but the slight frown emerging on Starks face said otherwise. However, as quick as it had appeared on his face it was gone, replaced by a trademark smile as he slapped his thighs and stood.

“Well then, you better be off to prepare and polish your elbows, or whatever it is you ladies manage to do to fill so much time getting ready before these events,” his face quickly faltered after realising what he had actually just said and quickly followed up with “not saying of course that it isn’t absolutely worth it, especially if Pepper asks”.

In an effort to allow Tony to leave the interaction without digging himself an even deeper hole, you stood too, gathering your bag as you went, giving a slightly awkward wave over your shoulder as you walked out the door.

It was only when you made it back to your room upstairs that you fully understood what you had actually agreed to. Not only were you going to have to be in the same room as Loki, desperately trying to hide your feelings towards him, whilst watching him flirt with practically everyone in attendance, but also work out what the hell you were going to wear to a party at such short notice. Unlike many of the other inhabitants of the tower, your wardrobe wasn’t exactly equipped for these kinds of events. You had always preferred to skip out on anything that required this level of formal wear, the comfort of your staple jeans and a hoody was something you had always chosen over the tighter fitting, more formal attire required at Stark’s parties.

In a somewhat unhelpful move, you decided that putting off the outfit dilemma was the best course of action, as a frantic full-body shower was needed, and of course there was no point choosing an outfit before you’d done your hair and makeup after the shower as well. You had told yourself that the outfit choices could be mulled over during this time as well, but realistically knew that you were just lying to yourself and would inevitably put it off until the last moment.

A frantic search of your wardrobe, which involved many an outfit being taken out, only to be thrown into the rejection pile on the floor moments later, left you coming up short and in the middle of a ring of discarded outfits whilst still in just your towel. You sank to the floor, just staring despondently at the chaos around you, contemplating whether Tony would actually notice if you didn’t go after all.

It was in that state exactly that Nat found you minutes later after she had knocked, not waited for an answer and entered anyway, only to stop in her tracks and abandon whatever purpose she had come with upon seeing you in such a state.

“Well that outfit is sure to grab everyone’s attention, not what I would choose personally but good for you girl!” Nat said with a smirk, leaning on your doorframe.

“Don’t even start with that right now, I wasn’t planning on going to this until and hour ago, and I appear to have greatly underestimated my wardrobe deficiencies. Some actual help right now would be greatly appreciated.” Your reply came from the floor, all hope of being able to avoid Stark’s shindig fading with the sound of the door closing behind Natasha.

“I’m sure your so called deficiency isn’t nearly as bad as you’re making it out to be,” her voice somewhat muffled as she rooted through what was left of your clothes in you’re wardrobe.

“I mean look right here, what was wrong with this option, it’s even green, perfect to catch you-know-who’s attention!” The smile on her face dropped when she turned to face you, brandishing the green dress you had bought months ago on a whim when out with some friends, only to realise you would never be comfortable enough to wear it out in public when you had tried it on at home later that evening.

“Woah, what’s so wrong with this one that it makes you pull that face? It’s a stunning dress I can’t see what you could possibly have against this one, its perfect for tonight.” Nat questioned with a confused frown, after seeing the vehement refusal on your face at the suggestion.

“It is a beautiful dress, just not on me, I don’t-” before you could even finish the thought, Nat had pulled you up, and was pushing you quite forcefully back towards the bathroom, throwing you in there along with the dress and your raciest, laciest underwear that you hadn’t even seen her grab.

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response, you should know better than to speak like that about one of my closest friends by now, by the time I’m back after getting changed myself, I want you wearing that dress so I can prove to you how wrong you are when you see everyone’s faces when we walk in later” Nate reply was somewhat muffled behind the bathroom door, but the fierceness, and her love for you, was still conveyed perfectly through the wood.

“Besides if it truly makes you feel that bad after wearing it tonight, we’ll burn it together tomorrow, I’m not having you keeping it if its going to make you feel this way whenever you see it.” The finality in her tone and promise of being able to get rid of the thing tomorrow was enough to get you to follow her orders, that alongside the fact that you were still rather scared of her, even after having been friends with her for a few years now.

With Natasha momentarily gone, it gave you the chance to ruminate in your thoughts, the dress was truly stunning, a deep emerald green that displayed your decolletage beautifully, with a daring slit from ankle to high up on your thigh. While you could see that the dress itself was objectively great, when it was you wearing it, it didn’t seem that way anymore. Instead of being able to focus on all of the ways it could highlight your beauty, all you could see was the way the closer fit of the dress clung to your stomach slightly, and how the slit showed off your thighs, and just seemed to emphasise how big they were.

It was in this downward spiral that Nat found you in upon her return, a frown once again set on her face as when she saw the malice behind your eyes, directed solely at yourself.

The way you could only ever focus on the parts of yourself that you saw as problems had always hurt Natasha, and how it impacted the way you behaved as well. It wasn’t just a matter of wearing baggier clothes that covered your insecurities, but the way you let it decide where you belonged socially. She was intimately familiar with your growing feelings towards a certain god of mischief who had taken up residence in the tower little over a year earlier, but also with your pessimistic view towards your chances of the feelings being reciprocated. Ever since you had realised that your feelings were more than that of just friendship you had immediately resigned yourself to remaining in the friend zone, refusing to believe that he would ever see you as something more because “he’s a god and I’m, well, I mean just look at me.” Nat had tried countless times to reassure you that the way you saw yourself, was not in fact the way others saw you, but had also at this point come to the understanding that your self perception wasn’t based in logic, and reasoning as such wasn’t going to make enough of an impact to change how you saw yourself.

It was with this in mind that she approached you, an arm reaching round you and pulling you into her side for a hug, while smiling at you in the mirror, before grabbing your hand and pulling you out of your room and to the party on the floor above.

Your outfit dilemma had delayed the two of you a little, so when you arrived upstairs, the party was already in full swing; with music blaring and alcohol clearly flowing freely if the state that some of the guests were in already was any indication. As such you were easily able to slip in behind Natasha unnoticed, before heading straight over to the bar, feeling the need to indulge a little more than normal tonight.

From your vantage point at the bar up on the mezzanine, you could see almost all of the goings on down below you, from Lang absolutely busting it up on the dance floor to Tony trailing around after Pepper, seemingly trying to make up for something that was undoubtedly his fault, but wasn’t actually remorseful for. Unfortunately it also meant that you had the perfect view of Loki and his apparent flavour of the night. Despite knowing how unproductive it was, you found yourself comparing yourself to her, noting all the ways she was traditionally attractive, only to seemingly find yourself lacking in the same places in comparison. Even though you had accepted months ago that Loki was never going to reciprocate your feelings, and having desperately tried to allocate him into the friend box in your head unsuccessfully, it still hurt deeply to see him so close with other women, knowing what he would be doing with them that night, only to move on to the next when it suited him.

This knowledge had one advantage for you though, it had made it much easier for you to become friends with the god. As you knew nothing romantic was ever going to happen between the two of you, you had found it that much easier to relax and joke around him, even going as far to return his flirty remarks, as there was no pressure behind it for you, and the potential embarrassment behind behaving more boldly was removed. Since he flirted with everyone that way, it obviously didn’t mean anything to him, so it made it much easier for you to jokingly flirt back. It was because of this new found confidence, that you had struck up a strong friendship with the god and had come to call him one of your closest friends. It had only added to your mental torture.

After a few more self indulgent moments, agonising a little more over what could have been you turned to the bartender, and took another drink with a polite thanks and a smile before deciding that even if you did still regret coming, and especially wearing the dress, you were going to make the most of the evening. Besides how many people could say they got to drink and dance with the avengers, who they were friends with.

It was with this new found resilience that you stood from your place and made your way down to the dance floor, having caught Nat and Wanda’s eyes before and been summoned.

The next few hours passes in a slight blur of laughter and dancing for you, after a few, chaotic but incredibly fun dances with Nat and Wanda some of the other men began to join in, requesting a dance with you. Between the fun of teaching Steve how people actually danced in clubs now alongside Nat, and Bucky whirling you round the floor like an absolute professional - after complementing your outfit for the evening with an all too knowing look, you had almost forgotten about your preconceptions for the evening, but whenever you danced with one of the men, however gracious and smooth they were, you couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like if it were Loki instead of them; comparing the feel of their hand on your back to what you had imagined Loki’s would be like if he were there instead.

Just when you were about to take a break from dancing, a slightly cooler hand came to rest on your back, as its owner leant down to speak into your ear over the music.

“Darling, I think its about time we show them how its really done don’t you?”

The feeling of his breath over your neck as he leant in closer sent a jolt down your spine, that you were almost certain he must have felt in his hand, still placed firmly in the middle of your back, exactly where you had imagined it being all night.

Quickly composing yourself, you managed a somewhat natural reply, rather impressed with your own neurones for still being able to function at least somewhat normally whilst Loki was so close to you, having not moved away under the pretence of needing to be closer to be able to hear you over the music.

“Ah of course your majesty, I’m sure us mere mortals couldn’t possibly live up to the prowess of a god”

His low reply was barely heard over the thumping of the bass, in a way that made you question whether he had actually intended for your to hear it, if it wasn’t for the sly wink he sent towards you after.

“Yes I find that is the case in many areas darling, especially when it comes to moving their bodies”

The raised eyebrow you gave in reply expressed all you needed him to know, and covered for the fact that your mind had been sent in a downward spiral imagining his trademark snake hips dance move, in areas other than the dance floor.

Whilst you were somewhat distracted in your thoughts, he moved the hand from your back to loop his arm round your waist and bring you back into the middle of the dance floor, beginning to sensually move his hips and draw you into to him to do the same.

What you didn’t know was that Loki and been subtly watching you all evening, ever since you had walked in the door, many may not have noticed your entrance behind the Black Widow, but at this point Loki’s body was finely attuned to your presence and he hadn’t been able to draw his sight away from you for more than a few seconds at a time. You were wearing his colours. His green. But it wasn’t just your choice in attire tonight that had drawn his attention, as delightful as that dress was, you’d had it for many months before this point. Initially you had been a curiosity to Loki, kind to him when many others weren’t immediately following his return to Midgard, but after talking to you the first few times it was your intelligence that had captured Loki’s heart. He had found you to be one of the few midgardians to match his voracious appetite for knowledge, both in reading and in your chosen profession as a biologist working alongside Stark and Banner, but much less insufferable than the other two.

When Loki had first come to terms with his interest in you, he had thought his subtle flirtations would be enough to alert you to his intentions, but when these failed to elicit any kind of response from you he had slowly become more and more bold with his innuendoes and flirtatious comments when in your presence. At first he had thought he was finally getting somewhere with you when you had began to match him in conversations, but when you made no sign of anything more, he had found himself stumped. At one point he had even stooped so low as to flirt with others in your presence in the hope that it would inspire enough jealously within you to reveal your feelings towards him, alas it did not work. No one had ever taken this long to fall victim to his seduction. He had admitted to himself that this time was different to his previous experiences as truly desired more with you than just a roll in the bed, not to say that did not also desire that with you, he had thought about that extensively, but he was not sure how to progress from here.

When you had walked in tonight though, looking exquisite in his colours he had decided that enough was enough, tonight he was going to finally bite the bullet and just ask you outright if you would be with him. It was not a decision that he had come to lightly, but he had finally come to the realisation that if he wanted something to happen he was going to have to do something about it for himself.

You didn’t know whether Loki had bribed the DJ before approaching you, or it was a shear unfortunate coincidence but as you continued dancing, each song seemed to get progressively dirtier and more sensual. This combined with finally dancing with him after having imagined it all night, the enticing smell of him from being in such close proximity, and the one or two drinks you’d had early were practically sending you into an early death.

Simultaneously Loki was experiencing a similar issue, when she wasn’t looking, Loki found his eyes being drawn from her face down to her chest, which with his height he had a fabulous view down, and combined with the lyrics and music he hands had seemingly began to move of his own accord and were veering dangerously further south. He decided he needed to do something soon, or he was going to have a very hard time of it.

As he leant down once again to speak into your ear, your breath hitched ever so slightly, and a faint flush bloomed across your cheeks- a fact that didn’t go entirely unnoticed by the god, and one that made his own pulse race. All hope that you felt the same way as him was not lost.

“Are you alright there darling? You’re looking awfully flushed. You’re not too warm in here are you?”

You had barely managed to stutter out what you could only imagine would have been a terrible excuse before he continued;

“Unless of course it is for the same reason as I.”

The hope that formed in your chest from the one sentence alone caused you to whip your head up, needing to search his gaze to see if he was really implying what you thought he was, surely he couldn’t be, there was no way that he could have felt the same way towards you as you did to him. Before you could continue with your self deprecation, he interrupted your thoughts once again;

“Now now darling stop that immediately, I can tell you are already overthinking this before I have even truly started. I do not know what it is that makes you doubt yourself so, but you must know that whatever it is I do not share that same belief.”

You held his breath as he said this, still not truly believing that this could be going where you wished it was, but not daring to do anything to break the spell just yet

“I was almost sure you would have known by now, but apparently I have not been clear enough in my appreciation or my advances towards you. I very much like you min elskling, you have well and truly captivated me heart and mind, body and soul. I would be honoured if you wished to court me, or as I believe you mortals say, go on a date with me” Loki finished with a release of breath, like saying all that had released a burden from upon his chest and he could finally breath deeply again now it was done.

You just stood there frozen in the middle of the dance floor, unsure if what you had heard was really happening, surely this was all some wonderful fever induced dream, and you were going to wake up face down on one of the desks in the lab any moment.

However Loki was reading your silence as rejection, and the insecurities that he had previously pushed aside were starting to flood back.

“Of course darling, if you do not feel the same then, I would be more than happy to just remain as friends,” it was of course a lie, but one that he would guard closely if that were the case, as he would never want for you to feel guilty for making an honest decision, and would much rather keep your friendship than not have you in his life at all.

“And I can completely understand why of course if you do not return my feelings, after all with my heritage I know-” before he could finish his sentence though you had reached up and pulled his face down to your height, before promptly pushing your mouth onto his in a scorching kiss. In the time Loki had began to panic and ramble, it had finally registered what Loki had been saying, and that it was in fact real, so before he could spiral any further you had to display your feelings towards him, and this had seemed like the most direct course of action.

After a brief moment in which Loki’s brain had to catch up to what was actually going on right now, he swiftly took charge of the kiss, both of you melting into it, especially as Loki opened his mouth to let he tongue dance along your lips before slowly meeting your own. At the same time, Lokis hands began to wander more actively, finally sliding that last little distance down to your behind, which he grasped firmly before sliding one hand down to bring your leg up and round his hip, letting you feel exactly what you were doing to him. Your own hands had found their way into his silky hair, finally fulfilling the desire you had held for many months to feel what it was like between your fingers, and when you gave it a gentle tug in the passion of the moment, a low growl made its way up Lokis throat, only enticing you in further.

It was only as a few wolf whistles broke through your bubble that you remembered exactly where you both were and that it was perhaps not the best place for what was clearly on its way to happening. It was with the same thought that Loki took your hand and began leading you out of the room, stopping only briefly first to growl lowly into your ear “we need to leave now darling, don’t you agree?” Before nipping your earlobe and pulling back to grin at you.

With absolutely no objections, and no subtlety either, you nodded before taking the lead taking you both in the direction your room, before stopping to remember the state you had left it in before the party in your distress to find an outfit. You blushed at the memory and changed direction slightly to lead you both to his rooms instead. Loki however took no notice, or simply did not care for the slight moment of hesitation, as at this point he didn’t particularly care where you were headed as long as it was close by, you were finally his and now it was time for him to claim you as such.

Part Two here:

Thank you so much for reading if you made it this far! Please do let me know what you think x

#tom hiddleston #loki laufeyson #loki x reader #loki x you #no y/n #dancing #green dress #tony stark #stark being silly #scientist reader

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iznsfw · 7 months

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IZ Days of Christmas 2023: Commissions Open!

Yes, that's right - this year, you can direct the IZ Days of Christmas fic for your favorite member!

So last year's attempt of IZ Days of Christmas was a royal fuck-up. I didn't even get to put out fics for some members on time. Hell, I didn't even put out a fic for two! Sorry, Yuri and Yujin :(

I don't want that to happen again. So now, before the Christmas season starts, you can commission a fic for your IZ*ONE bias for a low price of $12! I'm close to finishing my last three commissions and have closed them, so no one will be left out this time and I'll write it because I'm getting paid, duh :hannikek:

(Also, I have a shitload of siblings I need to buy Christmas gifts for, so please help me out here.)

Why $12? IZ*ONE is forever and always 12 <3

This year, I guarantee that every member will get a fic out for IZ Days of Christmas.

How do I commission you?

Just send me the form indented below when you order the commission on the link before it!

Commission me an IZ Days of Christmas fic!

> Tumblr username: > Ko-fi username: > IZ*ONE member: > Plot: > Kinks: > Extra notes: > A pic for inspiration and to help with the plot (optional):

Then, send the form through DMs, too!

First come, first serve. I will be accepting commissions until November 25, 2023. The posting of fics will start on December 14, 2023. The list below will indicate if a member is still available!

Kwon Eunbi (CLOSED)

Miyawaki Sakura (CLOSED)

Kang Hyewon (CLOSED)

Choi Yena (CLOSED)

Lee Chaeyeon (CLOSED)

Kim Chaewon (CLOSED)

Kim Minju (CLOSED)

Yabuki Nako (CLOSED)

Honda Hitomi (CLOSED)

Jo Yuri (CLOSED)

An Yujin (CLOSED)

Jang Wonyoung (CLOSED)

Rules

You have to be 18+ internationally to commission.

NO REFUNDS.

No scat, poop, noncon, three/moresomes. or bestiality.

No usual "Christmas" plot - it'll get a little too repetitive.

There is no word count limit or expectation that's promised. It can be as short as 3k words or as long as 10k!

We have the rule of confidentiality and mutual trust here. As long as you ignore any personal information you might see on my end, I'll cast a blind eye on yours <3

Thank you! Merry Christmas (yes, the Christmas season begins on the "-ber" months here.) Be the beautiful, horny people that you are!

#ko fi commissions #commissions open #open commissions #kpop smut #izone smut #ive smut #lesserafim smut #soloist smut #ko fi #ko fi page #ko fi link #ko fi support #writing commissions #fanfic commissions

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allsadnshit · 4 months

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I need some wisdom because I have a parasocial little sister relationship to you. I am severely constipated because my period is super late so i’m stuck in the phase right before . No release no reset. It’s like purgatory and I don’t want to be so negative about it. Have u been here before? I want to be so nice to myself and body

Wow you know how to get a girls attention ok here I come mei mei!!!!

So first of all, don't beat yourself up. I hate to say it but constipation is SUCH a watched pot never boils situation.

What I do to help myself is in the morning and at night I drink a glass of salt water which really helps to naturally flush your system! A teaspoon Good quality Celtic sea salt dissolved in a room temp cup of water is perfect. As far as supplements you have lots of options but I like marshmallow root and slippery elm bark but make sure you are drinking a lot of water throughout the day if you decide to take them because they can only help constipation if your system is hydrated enough!!! Otherwise they can accidentally clog you more.

If you're scared remind yourself it's gonna be okay and really put your heart into that! Look up some YouTube videos for gentle stretches AND relaxing your pelvic floor naturally! If you experience constipation somewhat regularly I would bet money on you having a really right pelvic floor probably from emotional stress that's not getting out of your system.

When I'm constipated I like to eat a little more gentle fiber like beans etc to help add bulk to my poop!

But most importantly and without sounding to hippie dippie I need to say that the body mind connection is real beyond what I think any of us are comfortable thinking. If you're physically constipated you are probably very emotional and spiritually blocked up too so maybe take a little time to watch a movie that makes you cry in a beautiful way no a heartbreaking way and if you can, tell someone you love what's been bothering you and don't pull the punches. The energy will flow and this will pass!

You've done nothing wrong. But listen to your body starting right now, it's never working against you.

Love u let me know if u need anything

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pantiesandpamperssissypart2 · 1 year

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Johnny Henderson, Mr. Henderson to his 6th-period History class, told the 20 seniors to settle down and open their books. Suddenly Kristie Johnson raised her hand.

“Yeah, Kristie.”

“So, yeah, Mr. Henderson, I know we’re talking more about World War II today, but just cut to the chase: The U.S. PREVAILS in the war, right?”

What? Johnny was confused. Well, first, duh. Yeah, they won. But why did she say the word prevails really loud? And why was she smirking like that?

“Um ,yes, Kristie. The U.S. and its allies prevailed. They won.”

“Okay, thanks. And um, what was the big conference, Potsdam or something, where all, like, the presidents and rulers ATTEND before the war’s end?”

What? Again Johnny was confused. What the hell was happening and why had she now said the word ATTEND really loud? Attend. Prevail. Her grinning face. The smirking face of her friends Laura and Kelly sitting next to her. All of them looking like they shared a secret and all of them...staring at his crotch? Was that his imagination?

Attend. Prevail. Wait. No. No. He put that thought out his head, ignored the question and plowed ahead with the lesson.

About 10 minutes in Kristie again raised her hand. Again smiling. Again her friends smirking.

“So, really, when you get down to it, doesn’t the U.S.’s use of the nuclear bomb, the perspective on whether that was good or bad, it all DEPENDS on what country you call home, right?”

Depends. Attend. Prevail. He didn’t say anything. No one in the class, except Kristie and her gaggle of giggle buddies, seemed to pick up on anything.

But how could this have happened? He always scopes out pharmacies before he indulges in his adult diaper shopping and perversions. He was sure there was no one else around when he drove half hour out of town over the weekend to a small pharmacy and quizzed the middle-aged worker about the best adult diapers and admitted -- or made up in his case -- that he needed them for wetting and messing accidents he had started having. He admitted, or, again, made up, the doctor was so concerned he was pooping himself that he needed diapers immediately. Thick, overnight diapers. She went over the options of briefs, the Attends, the Depends, the Prevails. The sizes. The absorbency. The best ones for bowel incontinence. He eventually walked out with three packages, one of each. He’d jerked off in one of them, messy of course, later that night.

And somehow...Kristie and the gang had been there?

He finished up the class. They all waved as they left.

A few minutes later a video appeared in his email. It appeared to have been shot by someone just holding their arm out over an aisle to hide themselves but still capture the happenings. Him buying Attends. Prevail. Depends. Talking about pooping himself. Needing diapers.

“Hey teach. Didn’t look like you had your Attends on today. Don’t tell us you wear diapers for fun? You better be wearing them tomorrow or we’re showing everyone and telling everyone what a freak you are. Poopy pants Diaperboy.”

Fuck.

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balkanradfem · 4 months

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I have important question, what do you use as fertilizer for plants? I don't really want to buy one and I read there are options, like veggie broth or tea, but I am unsure what works best. I read some use a bit of menstrual blood diluted in water, which I am tempted to try, but wonder how weird it is.

I use menstrual blood diluted in water every time! But there's not enough of that to be a consistent fertilizer, or to work for the entire garden. Here's stuff that I have tried out:

urine dilluted 1:10 with water! It has a great amount of nitrogen and trace amounts of other minerals, do not use it more than two times a month, and not on tiny plants. It's the best for green growth

fermented nettle: for this, fill a plastic container that you can close, with big nettles, and then pour water on them, all the way to the top, and close it up. Leave in hot sun to ferment for 10 days. Once it's done it will stink, and I mean, stink badly. Dillute 1:10 before watering your plants with! Don't use on peas, beans and other legumes, they do not like the nitrogen.

fermented comfrey: same as nettle, has so many good nutrients in there, has tons of calcium, will help your plants a lot!

menstrual blood diluted with water: safe for all plants, plants absolutely love blood

if you suspect your plants are lacking in some minerals you can use egg shells, or even crushed shells from the beach/river, and put them in your soil to make sure there's enough calcium in it! I didn't do a lot of this but the plant lady is always doing it

Mulch: it means putting organic material on top of the soil, this can be hay, straw, cut grass, dried leaves, pine needles, cut off tree branches, plant cuttings or leftovers, whatever has fallen off a plant or a tree is in this category. Now what will happen is these materials, exposed to the sun and elements, will start to degrade and compost themselves into your soil, and you will have fresh organic compost on top of your soil. Once your mulch degrades to compost you can add more material! Endless fertilization and fixing the soil and making sure you little worms have food to eat.

Stuff I've only heard of:

coffee grounds: apparently they're very good for soil and feeding the plants!

if you have leftovers of food in the forms of fish or bones, those are great for fertilization! There even are specific fertilizers called 'bone meal' or 'fish fertilizer' because plants really love that kind of stuff. It's better to compost them first though or add them in crushed form, they need to be reduced to the elements before plants can absorb them

Mushrooms: if you can get any fungal growth in your garden it's extremely healthy for your plants! If you're only looking for potted soil disregard this. But garden plants love having mushrooms around and if you have any mushroom growth it means your soil is super healthy

compost tea: I am sure this one is amazing because 'Roots and Refuge' farm used it to rejuvinate their soil after it's been poisoned by herbicide. I'm not sure how I would do it with my outside compost pile but the idea is to put your half-composted leftovers into water, leave it there for some hours, and strain it out, so the water has taken tons of nutrients from it, and then you water your plants with it! In general, whatever you use dissolved in water will have immediate effect because your plants will draw that water in immediately. It takes a bit to absorb stuff you put in the soil!

I guess I shouldn't leave out the 'traditional' fertilization methods, which is animal poop, just in case you have like, chicken or bunnies or something making a lot of poop, that can be used as fertilizer. Do look up what poop needs to be composted for a while first though! Some animals like cows produce poop so nitrogen-rich it would fry your plants if used immediately, it needs to sit for a year first.

Good luck to your plants, you never have to buy fertilizer because there is so much of nutrients in nature you can always get it for free, with just some basic knowledge of how to get to it :)

#fertilizing plants #plant fertilizers #homemade fertilizers #gardening #growing plants #diy fertilizer #homegrown food #i haven't bought fertilizer ever in my life :)))

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carved-stone · 9 months

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Vaginismus.

ok so this blog is brand new so it probably won't reach a lot of people but I've been trying to treat my vaginismus for a while now. If you have a vagina and have the same condition, here are my observations. (I am not a specialist, I describe my personal experience)

For those who don't know, vaginismus is when your vaginal muscles contract, preventing (completely or partly) penetration. It is often described as a "mystery" and there are little studies on the matter, leaving people suffering from it helpless.

Theoretically, you CAN see a sexologist, and they'll help you treat your vaginismus. But if you're broke like me, that might not be an option. So what do you do then?

firstly, if you have a partner: be honest about it, talk about it together. vaginismus, in my experience, is caused by a fear of opening up (ba dum tss). if your partner makes you feel safe, extremely safe, and take good care of you, your muscles have more chance to loosen up. (My previous partner did that and it worked, that's even how I finally got to experience penetration, so i swear, it IS possible). If that doesn't work, it's ok. If that works, ask your partner to go slowly, with one finger, not deeply, and ideally by not moving it for a while so your vagina gets used to the sensation.

now, whether you are single or not, there's one thing you must do: practice on your own. You NEED to know your body, so you trust yourself enough to penetrate it. It makes it easier for when you have sex with your partner(s).

But how to practice? First: learn to contract your muscles on command. To do so, imagine you're pushing something out of your body. it's not very sexy, but imagine yourself trying very hard to poop or pushing a baby out. then imagine yourself contracting the same muscles - imagine you're trying very hard not to pee. if you can do that, then start training. contract and loosen the muscles repeatedly for a few minutes. on top of strengthening your muscles, it will teach you how to feel when you contract them against your will. And when you are able to identify the moment they contract, it's a lifechanger, because you can immediately loosen them the way you learned how to.

Then, don't be afraid to try out different positions. you may find out that if your vagina doesn't open up when you're on your back, it does when you are on your side.

learn how to tease yourself. get some lubricant. take your time. find out what works for you - touching yourself, playing with your nipples, etc. when you're wet, remember your practice. Yes, even when you're SUPER wet, your vagina doesn't open up, I know and it's strange. but then... you loosen up your vaginal muscles. then you try to penetrate your vagina with a finger. it may not work; your vagina might contract again as you approach your finger; it's fine. small steps. if you can already loosen up your muscles outside practice time, it's already a progress!

in my experience, i have to maintain the "im pushing something out" position to get a finger inside me. then you can stop forcing and see how your body reacts. start small, because you DONT WANT to hurt your vagina. even a phalanx is enough. btw, if it starts hurting, stop moving, and DONT GET your finger out immediately, it'll just hurt you and "traumatize" your vagina, which will contract even more next time. stop moving, loosen up your muscles, and get your finger out progressively and slowly.

when you have a finger (or a part of a finger) in, stop moving. stay like this for a while, as i said, so your vagina gets used to it. if that's already too much, you can stop there. if you're feeling fine... start exploring. feel the textures of your insides, appreciate them. it's not disgusting, it's you.

note: if everything is going fine, you will feel nothing except something sliding inside of you (and pleasure, if you don't stop). it may sound obvious to people who don't have vaginismus but during my first "successful" attempts at penetrative sex, all i could feel was discomfort or outwrigth pain in spite of being wet. when things just slide inside you, it means it worked. it's a strange feeling, but it's the ACTUAL feeling you should experience.

the rest of the exploring part (finding your G spot, using more fingers, etc) i leave to you - just don't rush. it may take you three weeks or three months to successfully push a phalanx in, and it's ok. you should note that progress is also not necessarily linear. in my case, i can now take a small dildo most of the time, but it took me a year... and sometimes my vagina just remain closed like a locked door. my default reaction is still to contract my vaginal muscles. but with patience, i made a lot of progress.

vaginismus is probably (partly) caused by fear and/or a lack of knowledge of your body and of sexuality, so your best ally is education and practice. look at your coochie when you masturbate if possible - it really helps. i cannot emphasize enough that you need to see and feel your body for what it is. if you don't, you're going in blind, and that's why your body instinctively contracts your vaginal muscles: so the dark unknown cannot enter. i swear i didn't really FEEL my vagina until i started practicing what i detailed in this post. when i realized i actually had muscles down there it suddenly widened my perceptions.

also, ideally, try all that out when your mental health is good. coincidentally i made progress like never before the second i got out of a terrible depressive episode. it was hard to learn how to perceive my body when my depression refused to perceive any part of me.

good luck! it's a real journey that will teach you who you are and what you're comfortable with and it's extremely rewarding!

#anyone feel free to chime in!#vaginismus #sex ed #sex education #i used to joke a lot about it. that i got cursed with vaginismus as a stone femme who doesn't really like non penetrative sex #and one day i finally decided to do something about it and it was an awesome self discovery journey and i feel better in my head and body!

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effira · 9 months

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i don't know how on earth this happened but i just. suddenly understood painting. idk

my sillies. they are okay (only one of them will stay alive no matter what happens)

i should've never gone "oh what if i made lamb characters for some of the different cotl saves at my disposal" because now i'm attached and i gotta deal with the fact that these three can only exist and be happy together far far far in the past.

bonus doodles and a bunch of infodumping under the cut.

right so here in this image theyre all happy and wholesome right (yay) but at some point one of them has to be the last lamb to be sacrificed, which splits their universe up into three timelines, one for each of them being the vessel for the red crown. war and hate on planet earth.

alright let's get to the infodumping

Capri, based on my first playthrough and main save, starts off with the intention of doing as little harm as possible, going with the "good" doctrine options, feeding their followers well, etcetera, but over the years, out of both curiosity and the steady erosion of their moral code that comes with slaughtering hundreds just to get resources, they sink down on the alignment chart, coming to the point where they kill followers to switch their necklaces and cook up minced follower meat just because it gives them some diseased hearts for their crusades. They take pride in feeding their followers well, they married all the bishops (some of them only so they'd give more health if sacrificed to revive, but they will Never tell you which ones) and spend most of their time doing follower quests and getting enough meat, fish and veg to make the best possible meals for their following. sometimes they fall face first into the tarot cards when running into Clauneck. They make all their followers' clothes themselves, and stitch little bells into them to remind them of their family. Their cult sounds like a windchime.

^ virgo doodles from before i actually sat down to give her a proper design

Virgo, based on my mom's playthrough, probably wouldn't have it in her to be any good of a vessel if she had anything at all to lose anymore. She's a bit clumsy and has died on the battlefield many a time, sometimes even forgetting she's capable of dodging. What she lacks in hand-eye coordination, she more than makes up for in the way she takes care of her following. She only refuses follower requests if it's for their own good, like sacrificing another follower or asking for a bowl of poop. She puts a lot of thought into which follower to sacrifice on a crusade, and will often resurrect them right after she gets back. She hates Narinder. Absolutely cannot stand him at all. If she wasn't forced to do his bidding she wouldn't want ANYTHING to do with him. On the other hand, she has a great deal of respect for Heket, on the grounds of her being a strong-willed, self assured woman. She loves placing camelias all over her cult grounds and enjoys fishing a normal amount. She's very attached to Ratau and will often spend the night playing Knucklebones with him. She's also very enthusiastic whenever she meets Chemach during a crusade -- She doesn't attack Chemach's "followers," either out of germaphobia or out of pity. She's haunted by the restless spirit of Alfie, her first sacrifice (that's me! she didn't revive me. I'm haunting her now and making the commentary i give while watching my mom play a part of Virgo's character). She is very unimpressed by most threats. She should probably be impressed by most threats

Taurus, based on the most bloodthirsty speedrun I have ever witnessed live on the family switch, does not care for his followers. He's out for revenge, and that's it. He doesn't care for anything other than giving the bishops a taste of their own medicine after they ruthlessly slaughtered his entire species. He holds the same level of contempt for Narinder, as evidenced by the fact that he put him in jail Forever, only allowing him out to eat once a day. He has a soft spot for rabbit followers (except alfie. because in-game sibling violence overrides all characterization), but will Never tell you this. He's friends with Helob, if only because he brings him cooked follower meat. Originally a gentle soul, this immense thirst for violence and revenge was formed the day he came back to his village after a day of fishing and found it halfway through burning to the ground, with the heads of everyone he knew and loved (among which are the other two mentioned above) stacked in the centre of town. He has never truly cared for anything since. His fleece was made by Capri way back in the day (haha it would be so funny if this was the main image of this post) and it only acquired this status as a certified Golden Fleece upon obtaining the red crown. Taurus loves hammers and axes. If it hits hard, he'll enjoy using it for its intended purpose. He nearly always wears the same slightly off-putting beady-eyed smile on his face. To calm down after his long crusades, he likes to sit down and sing some songs, accompanied by his not-great-but-absolutely-not-bad guitar skills. He often does this right in front of his temple, and it's one of the only nice things his followers ever get to have.

alternate color version as a treat. thanks for reading through my massive walls of text.

cya! <3

#my art #cult of the lamb #cult of the lamb oc #effira's taurus tag #effira's virgo tag #effira's capri tag #i'm so ill about these three #cotl

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absolutebl · 2 years

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10 Favorite Moments of Snark in BL

This one came is as an ask from the lovely @solitaryandwandering and there are tons of options so I just picked some of mine and labeled them top 10. I reserve the right to change my mind if a remember better.

Quite a few of these came from truly terrible BLs, I wonder if that has to do with me remembering them. Like they stood out as moments of delightful charm in a sea of sewage?

1. Just talk!

Ae getting annoyed with TinCan in A Chance At Love.

Of course it’s MAME first, but the idea of her using one of her most popular characters (whom she fucked over) to criticize miscommunication as a narrative driver (which is her fucking calling card) was just the ironic poop version of a chef’s kiss. (Sorry, I don’t know how else to put it.)

2. Saucing out of jealousy

Let’s just get MAME out of the way, shall we? Type (in TharnType) is an absolute banger at the pithy quip in a very agro way and I love a lot of his lines. I mean calling your lover “crybaby” when you finally tell him you love him? Epic snark. Also the “you can finally stop complaining about us” to Techno is so good.

But my personal favorite, hands sown, is the throwing a sauce bottle. Talk about product placement. (Although said senior’s snarky, “It’s fun to see a big baby agitated” about Type, was also pretty darn great.)

3. I’m so gay

In Rainbow Prince, the fact that Art’s focused pursuit is patently obvious and his subordinates are still careful about it was just really funny to me. It reminded me of my youth when friends got surprised when I came out. Don’t get me wrong, my coming out was perfectly serviceable at the time, but also the ones who were surprised I was like...

4. Ate the phonebook

Bright in SOTUS (played by Off) is a wonderfully snarky character. I love the way he is self deprecating about being a bad student, even in front of his juniors, and the time he leads them in prayer? So funny.

But my favorite is his one shot “Did he eat the national register” when Kong is showing off his memory for names in one of the hazing sequences.

Shout out to the one I do have a screen cap of, this from SOTUS S:

Like serious moment of scripted brilliance.

Ah me, back in the days when most Thai BLs had really good scripts....

5. Goodnight, you fucker

Kao’s fandi-way in the Kiss series.

This is a linguistic one. It’s just I already had grocked the notion of fandi na as being a cute thing couples use with each other (kind of like “sweet dreams, please?”) to see Kao make this super rude when Pete is begging him for it, is so much THEM, their dynamic, it’s particularly snarky and on character.

Also, you know me, i had to pick a linguistic one.

6. Rome getting his own back

Rome in Puppy Honey is such a sweet soft character but also so much owning his own identity, and so steady about it. It was just really fun to see him get one up on Pick.

Even if they both know it’s actually a compliment.

Also should out to Porsche’s moment of quip, “I enjoy this scene a little too much” when he catches his bestie rolling around in paint with cute boy.

7. Invitation?

Tian actually has quite a few moments of snark in Tale of a Thousand Stars. (”You know how to sweet talk now?’). But honestly this is a phrase I use constantly IRL so I was just happy to see it show up in a Thai BL.

8. Just alpha bitch bitching it up

Look is this level of confrontation actually considered snark? I don’t know but Miriam’s defense of Chon in Tonhon Chonlatee is epic. Top level. It’s a real pleasure to watch a female bestie take out an evil femme fatale machine-gun style.

Yes there are others, the bffs (best female friends) in Together With Me and Dark Blue Kiss spring to mind.

9. Calling out the industry moments

There are quite a few of these, and a BL that is already bad and full of tropes has to be careful because they are reviewing themselves badly. And yet they do it anyway. This example comes from one of this year’s worst, My Secret Love:

Our Days has

“Can I love you, my tsundere”

“This year so many Y series came out”

“I think the script writers are at fault”

“Your acting skills suck”

all of which come off as more rich and inappropriate than snark in such a terrible show.

It’s not always bad show tho.

Cherry Blossoms After Winter scene card calling out the “only one bed” trope.

And in on of the Taiwanese BLs there is a moment where a side character tells on of the leads that “tsundere is so out of fashion” but I can’t remember which show.

10. Seme subscription service

Best of the best (IMHO) comes from Korea, who generally specializes in earnest, not snark. But...

Semantic Error is one of my favorite BL’s because the two leads are nearly entirely comprised of snark. SangWoo’s “if my heart wasn’t beating I’d be dead” was perfection, since it also takes a common trope to account.

And when JaeYoung is grouchy and says "No lettuce, eat perilla leaves instead” I bark laughed. Also the “oops my hand slipped” after he shot that dart at the drunk asshole in the pub. Both of these also involve physical comedy moments, so they aren’t strictly just snark they're visual gags but still? *kiss kiss kiss*

But I had to pick seme subscription service as my favorite moment of snark from this series. Because it is both of them, snipping back and forth.

And that’s it. That’s my top 10.

Other good ones?

KinnPorsche Pete has a few the time at the table with the minor family and the time in chains when he’s reading a book.

Most of Team’s responses to Win in Until We Meet Again. from “You’re so picky” to “Don’t even think about it.”

Half of what Pond says in Love By Chance.

All of what Pure says in My Gear and Your Gown.

I don’t love Theory of Love but Third’s internal dialogue (when he’s not whining and pining) and his occasionally take downs are pretty darn great.

Adachi’s internal reactions to Kurosawa’s thoughts in Cherry Magic, especially after they are dating. “Everything is so mushy.”

Akoi’s internal dialogue and self criticism snark in My Love Mix Up.

TangYi’s “too soft” in H3: Trapped.

Noh’s “Fine, yes” at the end of Love Sick. Not a snarky character in general, just a wise and sweet one, but at the end, yes, snark.

NamGoong in Light On Me, the sweetest side character of snark.

Pretty much all of Mob’s thoughts and dialogue in Absolute BL.

This post dated mid 2022, not responsible for snark that came after.

(source)

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askascendedastarion · 5 months

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Welcome, welcome! So, I made a post asking if you guys would be interested in writing commissions, and while only one person replied, a lot of people liked the post, so I will assume that means people are interested.

This post will go over prices and guidelines and such, but not everything that I am or am not comfortable with is on here, this is just everything I can think of and some things may change.

Guidelines/Rules

First and foremost, I have the right to say no to anything I am not comfortable with, granted as of right now that’s not a whole lot, but regardless. If you ask me to write something that makes me uncomfortable to a point I cannot stomach writing it, then I can and will say no.

Some things I will still write even if it makes me uncomfortable, but it might affect the price depending on what it is. [Example: If you are commissioning a smutty oneshot from me, I am likely to just say okay to something like anal, but if you want me to write something that involves vomit, I might ask for a little more compensation.]

I ask that you are patient with me. I am a student and I have to put school before everything else, so some commissions might take longer than others depending on deadlines with my classes.

I will not write Tavs/OCs UNLESS I am given a thorough explanation of their personality, how they talk, and act. This is to prevent you from getting a piece that is out of character for your Tav/OC.

If you are rude to me I have the right to not accept your commission.

Let me know if you want your commission posted or not! Either way I will dm it to you :)

Things I Will and Will Not Write

I will write for any of the companions minus Shadowheart and Halsin for now, as I don’t have a good enough grasp on their characters to write them. I will absolutely write for Ascended Astarion, obviously, as well as God Gale. I will also write for Raphael, Haarlep, Gortash, Nere, Minthara, Rolan, Zevlor, and more!

I will not write for Mizora, Mystra, Kar’niss and maybe some others.

Didn’t see a character on these lists? Just ask! There are too many characters to list everybody. As far as ships go I will write Tav/Canon, Reader/Canon and Canon/Canon. As I mentioned, if you want me to write for your tav, you have to send me a detailed explanation of their personality and such.

I will write AUs! I love AUs! I’m most experienced with college and royalty AUs, but I will write plenty others.

I will write angst, fluff and smut 😄 as well as some Dead Dove: Do Not Eat content.

Most things can be negotiated, so here are my hard nos. These cannot be negotiated.

Anything that is (canon) abuser/(canon) victim in a romantic or sexual sense. What do I mean by this? I mean I won’t write Gale/Mystra, Karlach/Gortash, Astarion/Cazador, and so on, but I will allow it if one character is a Tav/Durge or the dynamic is not canon, an example would be Ascended Astarion/Tav (or another npc).

Scat (poop)

Extreme sexual violence (nothing more intense than knife play. if you aren’t sure if what you want counts as extreme then just ask!)

Full blown noncon, dubcon is fine.

Anything romantic or sexual with the kids. Absolute no go.

Prices

After talking with some friends I’ve decided I will charge $10 per 1k words, and $20 per 1k if it is smut. Again, based on what you ask me to write these prices may vary. I will only accept payment through Cashapp as that is my only option, and I will have you send the first half of the payment before I start writing and the second half after.

Ready for a commission? Dm me here (Tumblr) and/or email me at [email protected] ❤️

#writing commissions #commissions #astarion acunin #bg3 roleplay #bg3 rp #ascended astarion #roleplay #batstarion #ooc post #bg3 #baldurs gate astarion #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate iii

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doulayogimama · 6 months

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In Mexico, Sky was getting cows milk for the first time ever because there was no other option. (She still drinks milk to go to sleep)

She doesn’t seem phased at all if you switch out her milks, which I was super worried about before we traveled. The 2 weeks we were there, she had cows milk instead of her Ripple pea milk. Sometimes she had soy when I could find it. But she did so well on cows milk 🥲 She slept better, she pooped better.

Upon getting back home and giving her pea milk, she vomited 2x in one day. So that’s it - she’s officially drinking cows milk. I suspected an allergy before we left but I wasn’t sure. Now it seems glaringly obvious and I feel bad that I didn’t consider switching her before.

It’s tough - balancing your morals with what your child needs. If I lived in another country whose dairy wasn’t so horrifically mass produced I wouldn’t care. I’m not that kind of plant based person. I don’t like eggs but for example, I have no qualms with having a chicken coop and taking eggs for breakfast. I just hate buying into our system here and how they treat animals.

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innytoes · 10 months

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3+ sentences for Willex + astronauts au please and thank you <3

(I know you said astronauts but my brain immediately went: The Martian AU)

Alex wasn't quite sure which would be worse: being stranded on Mars alone, or being stranded on Mars with your crush. Since he was currently living the second option, and it was torture.

Of course, it was much better than being alone. Probably. He would have probably freaked out and died if he was alone. But Willie had patched the leak in his suit with duct tape, and dragged him back to the Hub, and nursed him back to health.

They'd worked together to figure out how to survive on Mars. Alex had rigged up the solar panels so they had electricity. Willie had done the awful job of terraforming Mars, which was a nice way of saying 'using poop to grow potatoes'. Luckily, Alex was their communication specialist, so they managed to get a message back to Earth, a 'hey bee-tee-dubs, you left two of your astronauts on Mars, can you send an Uber?' message.

He was a little worried about Julie, Luke, and Reggie, though. How were they doing, knowing they left behind two of their best friends? Thinking they were dead? Had ground control been able to contact them yet? Was leaving your friends' bodies on Mars better or worse than leaving your alive friends-

"You're pacing again," Willie said, coming out of the plastic-covered Potato Farm in the middle of the Hub. You actually kind of got used to the smell, so he didn't even wince. "If you want to get your steps in, I have a way better way to do cardio." He waggled his eyebrows at Alex, and Alex flushed.

Maybe being stranded alone would have been better than this torture.

Or, the torture that was...

"Let's go girls!"

Alex groaned. "Not Reggie's country playlist again!" he whined. He was so sick of Shania Twain. But they'd fried Luke's laptop and his extensive music library on the first day they tried to go outside the Hub. Turned out laptops didn't do well on the surface of Mars. Whoops. So now all they had left was Reggie's extensive country playlists.

"Come on, Hotdog, dance with me," Willie said, taking Alex' hand, shimmying his shoulders a little. It was hard to say no to him and his infectious grin, and sooner or later, they were dancing around the Hub, hollering along with Shania Twain, twirling each other.

Willie's laugh was beautiful, and for a moment, he forgot they were trapped on a desolate planet. At night, when the plastic and duct tape where they fixed section three clattered in the wind, and he crawled into Willie's bed, he didn't feel scared they were going to die at any second anymore. When he had to wolf down another potato, Willie's funny stories distracted him from thinking too much about how he now hated the taste of potatoes.

How could he ever think it was better to be out here alone than with Willie?

The song ended with Alex dipping Willie dramatically, and when he pulled him back up, he pulled him closer, pressing a kiss to his lips. Willie made a little surprised noise, but before Alex could pull away, his arms wrapped around his neck and he deepened the kiss.

Turned out the best way to be stranded on Mars was not with your crush, but with your boyfriend.

#julie and the phantoms #willex #fanfic #I wrote a thing #AUs are awesome #the martian au #sci fi #it's been ages since I read the book or saw the movie #I just really wanted them to dance on Mars #and instead of disco of course they have country music because Reggie #willie the botanist being like: HECK YEAH WE COLONIZED MARS #I HEREBY DECLARE MARS AS BELONGING TO THE GAYS

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spurgie-cousin · 1 year

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ok I'm watching Alyssa & Katie's pregnancy Q&A here's what stuck out or what I just want to bitch about:

1. Weirdest craving: Alyssa's was bbq chips on a sandwich, which Katie said 'ew', and her's was spicy 'Ray-man' (Ramen) noodles with peanut butter M&Ms (way grosser imho than chip sandwiches, which actually sound good). In a later question they say they both have been craving Little Cesar's pizza and crazy bread.

2. Most unexpected thing about pregnancy/postpartum: both agree that they had no idea how constipated they'd be from the medications they have to take lol. Katie is so embarrassed admitting this that he ears turn red and says she starts sweating (oh my sweet summer child). Alyssa says for postpartum it was just all the pain and soreness that lingers for so long.

3. One thing that's not talked about that you wish you were prepared for: Katie says she wasn't prepared for so much interrupted sleep during pregnancy, she expected her sleep issues to begin after the baby was born. Alyssa says post partum, she had crazy night sweats that she was not at all anticipating.

4. Hardest thing to give up while pregnant: Alyssa says sex, especially in your first trimester when you're nauseous, she says that's when she has the hardest time doing the deed and misses it. Katie turns bright red and says "I can't believe you said that!", I say hell yea Alyssa for admitting you miss the D. Katie gets too embarrassed to even answer.

5. How to deal with stretch marks: Alyssa says she doesn't worry about it so much because she believes them to be genetic (I'm inclined to agree with her but not sure tbh). Katie says she just rubs herself down with every product she can find every night just in case one of them works lol.

6. Worst part of postpartum: Alyssa again says that she misses getting some on the regular which, kudos to her libido tbh. I mean I get it, those hormone fluctuations have to suck when you can't act on them lol, Katie is again visibly uncomfy of course (on one hand I get why, on the other it's not like Alyssa is going into vivid detail or anything but whatever).

7. (Just for Katie) What has been the most surprising part of pregnancy for you?: Katie literally says that she was surprised pregnancy wasn't more..............glamorous. Which I find to just be an absolutely absurd thing for someone who's known so many pregnant women to say, like do they all really communicate this little about what it's actually like??? She actually says that she thought it was going to be all cute bump photos and outfits and now that she's sick and struggles to put on makeup most mornings she's having a rude awakening like, I'm sorry I know she's young and ignorant but this has to be one of the most completely ignorant things I've heard any of them say. If there's anything these bozos should at least be partial experts on its babies and pregnancy, and none of Katie's sisters have had 'glamorous' pregnancies?? That one got me riled up lol.

8. (For Alyssa) if this is going to be your last pregnancy, how do you plan to prevent other pregnancies in the future?: She isn't sure and says she's still looking into her options for now. She cuts her answer short by saying this question might actually be a little too personal which ??? you just mentioned your (apparently vigorous) sex life not once but twice and I don't get how that's any less personal, especially in your corner of the Christian universe, but ok (I guess maybe baby prevention could really be that much more taboo than even openly talking about sex).

9. A pregnant follower who's afraid of tearing asks Alyssa if she's ever experienced it: Alyssa says yes, esp with her first baby she had to get stitches. Katie says tearing and aftercare are her worst fears along with pooping during birth. Alyssa says she's also afraid of pooping and it's happened to her once so far (don't get me wrong I love that she's being so candid but again how is this less personal than birth control).

10. Is sex weird when you're pregnant?: Alyssa is again the only one that answers, Katie gets red and looks away from the camera (oh c'mon Katie). Alyssa says yes, when you're 9 months pregnant and huge sometimes you gotta get creative (that made me lol).

11. Is it normal for husbands and wives (in their world I'm assuming) to talk about the details of pregnancy?: Alyssa says it depends, and that some guys aren't as interested as others or maybe only overhear stuff that sisters are discussing with each other. Katie says she feels like she can talk openly with Travis about everything so far (which at first I was like great!), Alyssa jokes that Travis can watch this video to help prepare him. Katie says "omg no I'd be too embarrassed!!" and my previous optimism about their open communication deflates lol. At this point I'm like ok, I mean this in the nicest of ways but grow up tf Katie. Alyssa's mentioned MARRIED sex in the *vaguest* of terms and you haven't said anything even remotely scandalous (unless you count poop as scandalous), that shouldn't be embarrassing in front of your hubs of all people girl!!

12. How did you know you were ready to start having kids?: Alyssa says she doesn't know if she ever felt 100% ready and that she's not sure if that's even something that's possible (I agree!). She adds that as long as the circumstances are good, you can afford it, you're in a good place with your partner, and you're otherwise as prepared as you can be, just go for it if you know it's something you want for yourself (Katie doesn't answer but nods).

13. How do you avoid repeating baby names in such a large family?: Both Alyssa and Katie say repeating names or having similar names isn't something the family really worries about, because it's understood that with so many people, you're bound to run into duplicates or similarities at some point. They both seem very nonchalant about it and I wish all the people who think similar-sounding baby names cause big drama in their families could hear that lol.

14. Do you get annoyed when people touch your pregnant belly?: Both say no if it's family or good friends, but that they don't really like being touched by strangers or acquaintances as much and I'm totally with them there. I think it's weird as hell to just touch a stranger's stomach without consent. Katie says she's not comfortable telling people not to touch her though, so when it happens she just kind of stands there with a strained smile (aw).

15. Baby item that you don't think is useful or is silly: Alyssa says baby wipe warmer lol, which is always something I've thought is silly so it's good to have that confirmation. She says you're grabbing wipes on the run so much that it's not worth it to get your kids used to warm wipes bc they'll just freak out when they have to be changed elsewhere with cold ones. Katie says she has one on her registry and shopped for a long time to find the exact right one 😂

Overall I thought the video was super cute and entertaining, I love the dynamic between Alyssa and Katie where they're kind of polar opposites but really good friends. I really appreciated Alyssa's answers more than I expected, I think she's just gotten to that phase of life where she realizes it's silly to be uptight about things that are just facts of life and I can appreciate that.

Katie mentions being uncomfortable again in their sign-off and says that she talked about things in this video that she usually doesn't even talk to her sisters about, which again makes me a little sad bc I really hoped they'd be closer and more open than that (hopefully she's just saying for youtube because she's embarrassed and shy). I just think if that's true and she can't talk to her sisters about sex or bodily functions or pregnancy who can she talk to about that stuff, ya know? Travis I would hope, but she kinda kibosh'd that as well. They end with Alyssa promising they'll do it again, and that Katie won't be so bashful next time 😂

#im not shitting on katie for being shy btw i get why she is #my 31 y/o oversharing self kind of rolls my eyes at it but more than anything i just really hope its not true that she doesnt have anyone t #to talk to about the most intimate or private things in life #again i hope she was just saying things bc she was on youtube and feeling shy and that she actually can go to travis or her sisters about #sensitive stuff. bc i dont know how you function without someone for that its so important #if anything just to know someone gets you and youre not the only one whos experienced something yaknow #fundie youtube #alyssa webster #katie clark #the bates family

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