#Christ I’m fucked.

[nightmarearian]

do you think the abyss healed Childe’s scars?

realistically I know it’s stupid graphics & model “limitations”

But do you think his skin looks as normal as it did before he fell.

Cause when they’re hit, an abyss monster.

They disintegrate.

Do you think Ajax’s scars healed like that? In the abyss? After it, too?

Do you think they burned? Or was it numb, as the darkened skin faded away with little, yellow, glowing particles?

That he has no evidence of his suffering for those three months in hell (and his only companion’s silence) but dull eyes no one wants to look at?

Callouses on his hands and feet that no one pays attention to? Takes care of?

That he shows his prowess and uncanniness and abyssal hunger because that’s the only way how? Yes. he is hungry and wants a fight. Look at him. He’s off. Broken now.

Look at him.

Please.

#am I self projecting? #maybe #a little bit #Nothing like a mental breakdown from a sort of family dinner meeting new people to remind a mfer they’re fucked #it’s me I’m mfer #also abt that companion’s silence part #as much as I fucking Abhor genshin’s uwu-ifying of Skirk #and her characterization cause god fucking damn it hoyo Give him a good parental figure #She says she didn’t talk to him at all/the bare minimum cause she sees him as weak #what the fuck #How do you send your son that was missing for three fucking days Blow off his trauma And then send him to the military? #You don’t care about him. #skirk evidently doesn’t #And the tsarista is all up to interpretation and is dubious as an average #does childe have any caring parental figure? Who the fuck knows. #genshin impact #childe #tartaglia #childe tartaglia ajax #genshin ajax #tw vent #? #self projecting #it’s sad. isn’t it? to have suffered but have nothing to show for it. #Christ I’m fucked. #do u think I should go back to the social gathering? #:/ #drink water #stay safe #<3

[thebibliosphere]

I’ve talked about this with some friends, but the whole Spotify/audiobook drama legitimately makes me want to cry.

If you are unaware, earlier in the month, Spotify, who now owns FindawayVoices -- an audiobook distributor and one of the only major rivals to Audible on the creator end -- announced that their ToS would be updating.

The ToS updates were horrendous and basically allowed Spotify to make royalty-free translations of our works, as well as create derivatives, and basically just fuck us all over and feed all of our hard work into AI.

The backlash was so swift that less than 12 hours later, Spotify sent out a panicked “Sorry our wording wasn’t clear!” email with a promised update. Less than 24 hours later they issued a statement walking back the changes to the ToS, and have since been pulling a “we never said that, you misread our unclear verbiage” when in reality the verbiage was very clear (Not Spotify trying to pull a “gaslight gatekeep girl boss ✌️”), they just didn't expect to get dragged out into the metaphorical court of social media and get publicly annihilated with authors withdrawing their work from the platform and customers canceling their subscriptions left right and center.

Anyway, the walk back was acceptable enough for me to not feel the need to remove my work entirely from FindAway -- which is good because I would have lost access to the global audiobook market if I had, not to mention global library access. Which, again, is good. A significant chunk of my audiobook earnings comes from Libby, and I’d honestly be lost without that $20 every month. (we get paid quarterly but it breaks out to about $20 a month.)

What the walk back was not good enough for, was for me to trust them to keep streaming Hunger Pangs on their Spotify streaming service. Because quite frankly, I don't trust them not to pull some more ToS bullshit, and this is the part making me want to cry.

Why? Because I’m going through my royalty reports, and for the single month of December 2023 alone, Hunger Pangs was streamed so often it earned $400.

In one month.

That's more than I earn from Audible in a year.

That's more than I earn from kobo, b&n, libby, libro.fm and several author distributors combined in a year.

I’m going to scream.

#spotify #spotifygate #audiogate #when I saw that I almost put it back up on Spotify because Jesus Christ #$400 a month #That’d be my medical shit for the month covered #i’m so fucking angry it’s making me cry #*my extra medical shit #i should say #currently not in physical therapy and I reaaaaally should be

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

okay okay, pardonne moi, I am currently rewatching umbara for fic writing purposes and I have a lot of other things to say but the first thing is highly inappropriate and only funny if you have mental health issues BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WE WERE ROBBED OF???

When the clones first turn on Krell and he jumps out the tower? The clones down there attack him, but Rex and some others are still in the tower. THAT ELEVATOR RIDE??? I WANNA FUCKING SEE THAT ELEVATOR RIDE DOWN. GIVE ME HARDCORE ACTION INTERRUPTED BY *robotic voice* “you are on the top floor” “you have selected bottom floor” *generic elevator music that lasts way to fucking long* “you are at the bottom flo—“ and then it cuts off because Fives shot the sound system

#pls someone find this funny also #I know it’s not what I’m supposed to be thinking of while watching this but Jesus Christ it’s so fucking funny #captain rex #arc trooper fives #umbara arc #darkness on umbara #star wars #the clone wars #clone wars #clones #General Krell #pong krell

[bl0w-m3]

#I wanna fucking off myself Jesus Christ #why did nobody help? #I’m so tired of them saying “well we didn’t know #THERE WERE SIGNS LITERALLY EVERYWHERE #bpd #mental health #actually bpd #mental illness #bpd shit #actually borderline #bpd shitposting #bpd problems #bpd mood #bpd meme #parental abuse #tw sa implied

[bromcommie]

tbh I still think Brock Rumlow was an interesting character and upon further examination way more unsettling a villain than most to me because like. Let’s be real, the second you lay eyes on Robert Redford as Pierce monologuing in his pristine suit and glass office high up in the sky he just screams Evil Politician! at you. You can see it coming a mile away. Meanwhile Rumlow is….Just Some Guy. On the surface, he’s just some side dude. He’s not enhanced, he’s not in some major position of power, he’s just someone who’s really good at what he does and seems dedicated enough to the work and functions well with his team. He respects Steve, might admire him even, but not so much that he gets starry eyed like everybody else. He’s lighthearted but focused, he’s no nonsense, he’s the everyman Steve can relate to way more than spooks like Natasha or Fury.

And okay, maybe what Rumlow does for a living is beat intimidate and kill people, but it’s not like that’s the primary objective, right, because SHIELD are the good guys and this is what Steve does now, too, anyway; except that Steve doesn’t really use any weapons other than the shield, he holds back, he doesn’t carry a gun anymore which is usually fine since he’s dangerous enough without it. But when that leaves him vulnerable, he’s covered: Rumlow’s got his six, and he does it well, and he earns some of his trust. This is familiar to Steve.

And maybe Rumlow’s a little too good, fine, maybe he shoots a guy in the head within the first fifteen minutes of the movie when he doesn’t necessarily have to and then cracks jokes immediately after but that’s alright too, because that guy had Steve at gunpoint and that guy was Bad whereas Rumlow is One of the Good Guys just doing his job, right. Rumlow’s joking around because he’s used to the violence, they’re all used to it, and this is just how it works. They’re just soldiers doing the grunt work and following orders, and this is familiar, too.

Except that they’re not soldiers and this isn’t a war, except that the work is for an intelligence agency whose job it is to hoard and steal information and monitor civilians and orchestrate and sabotage and meddle in internal and external state affairs. Except that the Good Guys, in reality, are extremely grey at best. Except that many of the Good Guys turn out to be Nazis on top of everything else, and it’s not that far of a stretch.

But when it’s all starting to unravel, you’re still thinking well maybe some of these guys didn’t know. Maybe they didn’t do it out of individual belief, and if faced with the right choice, they can be redeemed.

That is until you realize that Rumlow maybe didn’t respect Steve and what he did so much as what Steve could do if only Steve weren’t “weak” in other ways, if Steve had chosen the right side. That it not being personal is less a cop out and more a taunt the same way just following orders has always been, for Rumlow and many many men that came before him and will continue to come after. Until the vault when, by the most charitable of interpretations, Rumlow looks at the Winter Soldier letting himself be smacked around and crying and getting shocked like he’s maybe a little unnerved (if not just downright fascinated) by the whole thing, but not enough that it really changes anything for him, because the end justifies the means and it’s not really his problem, anyway.

Until Sam shows up and Rumlow looks at him like a bird of prey and says This is gonna hurt with a fucking smile on his face, and then you think: shit, man, obviously. How was it not clear from the start.

To me, what makes someone like Rumlow a good villain, even a side one, is not that he’s straight up Insane & Evil™️ or suffering from Tragic Backstory Syndrome or all hopped up on magic superstrength juice or whatever, but precisely the fact that he’s Just Some Guy with a cockroach survival mentality who operates well within the established system and just so happens to be really good at his job - a job that he might’ve even joined thinking it was for a good cause, or because he had something to prove, or simply because it gave him one hell of an excuse to be a bully. Because he either wholeheartedly believes in HYDRA or he just doesn’t give much of a shit either way so long as he gets his due in the end, and both are just as bad.

Because when you strip away all the grand scale superhero theatrics, you’ve seen this before. You’ve seen Rumlows in your school and in your neighborhood and in the military and the cop car patrolling your street. They’re the ones who sometimes say or do somewhat offputting shit but you figure it’s fine because they’re otherwise real nice or charismatic or normal looking, or maybe they work a job that’s framed as helpful or protective or inherently good despite the power dynamics at play, or they share your background and interests and you chat about the weather being crap this time of year.

And every time one of them turns out to be a violent, hateful piece of shit, you’re still somehow surprised then, too, when you really shouldn’t be.

#apologies for the extra long post but I’ve been thinking about why he freaks me out as much as he does #the world is full of brock rumlows is all i’m saying. #and that to me is way more terrifying than evil crazy russians in underground labs or deranged aliens could ever be #brock rumlow #ca: tws #brock rumlow meta #I guess???? hello how the fuck did I get here at 5 pm on a tuesday jesus christ #mcu meta #max.txt

[halflifebutawesome]

MAY 16, 200-

#Cool fun facts about this one I drew it back in fucking March. #then I realized i got the date wrong and sat on it for 2 months and then decided to go back and touch it up for another. 2 HOURS . #This is the LONGEST I’ve ever spent on art. 13 and a half hours. Christ alive I’m never drawing again #Anyway . check this shit out. #ID in alt text #scenario that never happened but I like to think about. What if they all ganged up #it was supposed to be a head crab zombie in the hallway but I don’t want to touch this anymore so it’s Gman. ☝️ IDC #half life #half life 1 #gordon freeman #barney calhoun #adrian shephard #half life blue shift #half life opposing force #hlop4 #my art #guns #blood #bright colors #injury #ask to tag #hl #blue shift #opposing force #spore launcher #HAPPY RESCAS DAY . WOOOOOO #my fave detail on this that idk if anyone will notice. that’s not Barney’s helmet. it’s got a bullet hole in the side :)

[bakudekublogblog]

not to be dramatic but hori literally out did my own self indulgent wish-fulfillment fanfic with the whole “rest of our lives speech” like I knew that sounded so romantic, and it is, because I literally wrote that line for bakudeku and I intended for it to be romantic

like hori really is just showing us bakudeku fanfic writers how it’s done

#bakudeku #bkdk #mha #my hero academia #bnha #the fic is pinned on my profile if you’re curious hehe #BUT HORI OUT DID ME I HAD BKDK BEING BESTIES FOR A YEAR BEFORE KACCHAN AND IZUKU PROMISED THE REST OF THEIR LIVES TO EACH OTHER #like hori was like guys that’s so cute but how about instead kacchan proposes immediately #AND ITS ANGSTY BC YOU KNOW IZUKU WANTS TO SAY YES #YOU SEE HIM TRYING TO SAY YES #YOU SEE HIM BEING LIKE I WANT TO I WANT THIS I WANT YOU #BUT KACCHAN PROMISES HIM EVERYTHING HES EVER WANTED THE MOMENT ITS TOO LATE #GOD #HORI THIS IS MASTERFUL ANGST FIC MATERIAL #LIKE HORI ARE YOU INTENDING TO WRITE PREMIUM DRAMATIC YAOI #BECAUSE THIS IS LIKE YAOI COCAINE ITS LIKE TOP SHELF YAOI SHIT RIGHT HERE #AND ITS FUCKING CANON???? #JESUS CHRIST HORI I’M BEGGING FOR A FOREHEAD TOUCH #THEYRE YEARNING LOOK AT THEM YEARNING THEY NEED IT

[frnkiebby]

stripey boy over here contemplating spitting out the mouthful of water~🎃

(spoiler: he spits)

#god i love him in stripes #frank pls wear more stripes #i am begging #i’m a fucking wreck for him today #jesus fucking christ #frnkiebby #also hey anon just in case you were unsure: i didn't take this frimage and if you personally know who did Imk and ill credit them. #frank iero #mcr #mcrmy #frnkiero #my chemical romance #frnkie #my chem #ilhsm

[marisatomay]

“you don’t owe anyone anything” actually you owe everyone everything!!! you OWE your table server and your coworkers and the elderly person you pass on the street and the dog on its walk and the child toddling along in the park and the driver trying to merge next to you and the pregnant person standing on public transport KINDNESS in return for theirs!! the connections we build are what give life meaning!!!

#a buddy of mine is a server and is getting ROASTED on twitter for complaining about #how often nowadays people will just completely ignore her when she greets them and asks how they are and what can she get them started with #and when they DO finally acknowledge that she Exists they’re rude about it all #and how demoralizing and dehumanizing it is #and of course people have taken this and decided that being told it’s rude to ignore that your server exists is actually ableist #like jesus fucking christ you people can’t do anything huh #like i’m serious i’m ND and have terrible days where i go mute sometimes and you know what i do? #do my best to not go out places that require social interaction but if i Must then i’m not a prick to the people i come across #because my issues aren’t their fault. and i owe it to them to not make their lives harder. #anyway i’m so angry for bailey people are so awful grow up and have some fucking AGENCY

[keferon]

Oh man….now I know how concept of spark twins works………..

Look at them. I love them

And..uh….well……fuck

——————

Also. Perceptor is so epic in this comic it’s . A.

#okaY #I’m reading last stand of the wreckers #aND WELL #Now I know what the hell happened with Grimlock #I mean what made him…like this… #and why is Fortress Maximus was going insane in the mtmte #jesus Christ…….. #Prowl goddamn #okay okay do you remember how in mtmte Fort Max said that autobots saved him after 3 fucking years?? WELL PLOT TWIST #Wreckers found him by accident. no one…i mean NO ONE was going to rescue him from that hell #what was I talking about ah yes spark twins #spark twins is such a cool concept because the are literally can feel each other’s well.everything! And kinda see through each other’s opti #*optics. #But you know when it’s not cool? When your twin is tortured #okay ummm haha so there is these two brothers..or like..soulmates? I don’t care I love them. But I have a VERY strong feeling #that at least one of them is going to die #………update……………………. #tfp lied to me. Death of a spark twin doesn’t look like what they were showing me………….. #another update #PROWL GODDAMN #ref #I lost my sleep thanks wreckers

[a-sketchy]

persona misogyny is so fucking wild. ignoring literally everything else about the entire rest of the games, every single s.link with a female character is like “entirely for having been born a woman i have had to work twice as hard for a fraction of the benefit. even now, i am stripped of my agency in a position i never wanted in the first place” and/or “i’m put on a pedestal by the people in my life because of my looks. men see me as an object to be conquered, women hate me for ‘stealing’ ‘their’ men. if i’m withdrawn i’m a bitch, if i’m friendly i’m easy. because of this, i’m alone” and/or “because of my personality or hobby or lack of cooking skills, i feel like i’m failing at femininity. if being a woman is something i can fail at, then where does that leave me? i’m scared at the loss of my identity and place in society”

like very consistently they present female characters with complex thoughts towards their place in society as women, femininity as a whole, and facing issues stemming from misogyny, and then the payoff is always “my problems were entirely my own fault. i wasn’t strong enough, i was a coward. but now, i’m gonna work hard to be exactly what society expects me to be (which is what i want to be)! i’m gonna do better at femininity (which is still something tangible i can fail at)! i’m going to try hard at making friends (which was my fault for not doing)! all my problems are solved through personal responsibility (that im totally culpable for), effort (which i previously was not putting in), or you, a man! i am Happy and Satisfied with this outcome, can i be Your woman?”

and like hello? why are we here. what the fuck are we doing. why do we keep doing this every single time. can we not do the constant lukewarm attempts at criticizing misogyny so you can jerk off to your own thoughtfulness, while ultimately reinforcing patriarchal systems and brushing off any deeper misogyny-bred issues as a lack of deference to one’s rightful place in society? like maybe don’t do that? for fucking once? just an idea

#i’d really need to rewatch slinks to give more indepth thoughts or pull specific examples #but i’m right and i pace about it every day #i’m not really talking about naoto that’s a whole other can of worms a long way down the line #rambles #if persona’s all about wish fulfillment where’s my persona game where i can be a feminist huh #p4g posting #p3p posting #yeah both of those. i’m not far enough in p4 to have seen the payoff but i know that its fucking persona 4 #and jesus christ yukiko!! i only vaguely know of ai. chie in the main story/dialogue options you have #jesus christ the dialogue options. can you ask literally every girl if they have a boyfriend?? and ‘thats very feminine’ DIE #and man p3p. persona main plot misogyny is weird when you’re on the other side of it #it’s a very different experience being the one getting peeped on #and then saori. and mitsuru. and fuuka. kinda rio. idr a single thing about yukari’s slink i’m sorry but probably her too #also my vague recollection of p5 with haru. ann by default though idr her slink #and goddd of course the. everything else. i’m not touching on. main plot misogyny and inherent writing stuff and etc etc etc etc etc etc et #GOD. #persona is hell

[stinkythehutt]

also. something about palpatine being so adept at seeing into the future that all of his successes feel completely joyless by the time he achieves them because he’s just going through the motions… how fucked up and nihilistic and brutal that would make you…

#teddy talks #anakin is like the opposite of this bc he’s tortured by his future failures #so he lives in constant terror and denial #whereas palpatine is lowkey tortured in a different way though he’d never ever label it as such #but the boredom of it all. the inescapability… #in a sense of course you would long for ultimate power over the force. because you would feel so much just like a meaningless vehicle #of its will otherwise #and anakin would be a PERFECT toy for someone like that. because he is so bewildered. he’s easy to tangle up in knots #i’m just doing some character Thinking #but yeah. of course one in palpatines position might hate the force and feel a need to lash out and dominate it #and he manages his own repressed bewilderment by manufacturing it in anakin to an extreme degree #but. importantly. while also having complete control over the machinations of anakin’s experience #and by crushing the force and all knowledge of it #CHRIST i’m back sorry but all the stuff he does to extend his life. he obviously is terrified of death #and rather than face it he just creates My Apprentice: The Guy Super Fucked Up About People Dying #to punish somebody else for his own horror…. it’s giving projective identification. not to bring freud into this

[hazelnut-u-out]

Somehow never caught this before, but does this imply Birdperson’s mom killed his dad and he remembers seeing it?

The fact this memory is somehow tied to Blood Ridge in his mind makes me wonder if that’s part of why he didn’t accept Rick’s advances— maybe even subconsciously. If that’s what this implies, no wonder he had commitment issues. Makes the shit with Tammy hit differently, too…

I know it’s a throw away moment, but I really hope we get a follow up on that… Regardless of what that memory is, it’s dark shit.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #birdrick #birdperson #i wonder if he remembers her eyes being red because they were or if it’s a childhood memory thing #because if they are actually red it makes me wonder if there was a whole population of mind controlled birdpeople being used by the GF #at some point #they always go so dark with birdperson’s character #and maybe that’s because he isn’t very expressive #he’s so stoic that it’s silly— but there are these moments that you get reminded ‘no. he’s fucked up.’ #thinking of this he’s probably the most traumatized character out of all of them #jesus fucking christ #sorry i’m feral and adding tags because i NEVER noticed this shit #the things we don’t talk about #the things we bury #the things we hide in an abandoned military vehicle in our memories of war #not going to be able to sleep now bc i’ve got too much of an adrenaline rush from this lol

[cultpastorkevin]

In case anyone didn’t see this fucking avalanche on Nora’s twt today

#aftg #all for the game #edgar allan ravens #jean moreau #neil josten #kevin day #riko moriyama #palmetto state foxes #the foxes #andrew minyard #tsc #the sunshine court #jesus fucking christ #i’m losing my mind #nathaniel wesninski

[kdyghk]

obsessed with her “incredibly divorced” energy

#dnd hat #holga kilgore #honor among thieves #she’s so……….. #girl I’m over 4ft but I’ll treat u so good #anyways #dnd:hat #how the fuck are we tagging this Christ #dnd movie

[an-eala-bhan]

No babe it’s fine, it’s just the way you opened a musical by murdering a literal infant, especially after you compared him to your own son kinda threw me off

#epic the musical #epic the troy saga #jorge rivera herrans #I mean great musical #I fuck with it #but jesus christ #has this been done yet #epic the cyclops saga #epic the ocean saga #hyped for #epic the circe saga #i’m obsessed with it