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wososcripts · 5 months

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Tell Me of Your Grief

Stina Blackstenius x Reader

Summary: The fourteenth of March brings back some rather difficult memories, and you don't always make the healthiest decisions. Stina intervenes.

Word count: 4.4k

A/N: sorry it's been a while, I've started uni again which means my writing is somewhat slower! With some luck I'll be able to get things up once a week? But that remains to be seen... I promise this is hurt/comfort and not just pain btw.

Warnings ⚠️: discussion of death, self harm behaviors (mild), angst angst angst

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You woke up that morning to a text from Jonas saying you didn’t have to come to training.

It felt weak to admit it, but part of you was relieved. You knew Katie must’ve talked to him, which was mortifying if you let yourself think about it too much, but she knew you needed this day to yourself.

It was the anniversary of your best friend’s passing—five years in the making. You hadn’t told many of your teammates what happened, or why you became so withdrawn and somber the week around the 14th of March. It was too difficult to explain. All of the dramatics that surrounded the event, the pain, what you had done wrong, what she had too, it was all still too delicate for eyes you didn’t completely trust.

You hadn’t even told your girlfriend Stina yet. You’d meant to, really, you had, but the days slipped by and there never seemed like a good time to do it. You knew it would ruin any good mood you were in, and honestly you enjoyed having Stina as your respite when the rest of the world seemed to be knocking against your skull. But it felt wrong that she didn’t know. It felt as though you were hiding something from her, even if it wasn’t intentional.

“Hi baby, I’m not feeling well today so I won’t be at practice. Don’t worry your head when I’m not there. It’s nothing too serious, though, so I’ll be back tomorrow.” You spoke into your phone, recording a voice note to send to her so she wouldn’t be left in the dark about where you were.

Stina was a worrier, something you yourself could understand, so you always made the effort to let her know if you were running late or not going to something. Otherwise you’d inevitably get a call with her anxious voice on the other line.

It was early, too early for even Stina to be up. The sun had barely begun cresting over the horizon, casting a slight glow to everything. You wanted to go back to sleep, particularly since you hadn't slept all that well to begin with. Your back hurt from being tensed all night as you were plagued with anxious dreams. On your palms were the remnants of nail indentations—some of them bloody from how hard you had been pressing.

You turned on a podcast and closed your eyes, hoping the sound of human voices would lull you to sleep. It must've worked for a little while, because the next time you opened your eyes it was truly morning, and the podcast had switched to another episode.

The dreams had continued, unsurprisingly considering your waking mental state, and the extra hour of sleep you might be able to get if you closed your eyes wasn't worth it. So you got out of bed, throwing on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt to go for a run.

You weren't typically a runner—in fact you were practically ethically against doing it as a hobby—but it was useful for clearing your head. And with no training today, it would feel good to get out for at least a little while. So you blasted your music and took off into the streets of London, completely lost in your own world. Nobody spoke to you, nobody looked at you.

By the time you had finished, you were sweaty, red-faced, and exhausted. The endorphins began to flood your system as you stripped and started the shower. You turned it almost as high as it could go, hoping for the burn against your skin. You hissed, stepping under the spray, and tears sprung to your eyes. Your skin immediately began to redden. But you didn’t move to lower the heat, instead grabbing your shampoo, gritting your teeth, and bearing it.

—

“Morning, Blackstenius.” Beth called, clapping her on the back soundly as she wandered into the locker room.

Stina expected to find you there, sitting by your locker getting changed into your kit and reading your book as you always did, each morning. But you weren’t there. Your locker hadn’t even been touched. She furrowed her brow, then remembered that you had sent her a message earlier. Maybe you had asked her for a ride and she hadn’t seen? Maybe you were going to be late today? Maybe you had some kind of appointment you’d forgotten about until the last minute—you were notorious for that.

“Morning,” Katie said, sitting down next to Stina on the bench and pulling her kit out of her bag.

“Morning, Katie.” She replied, opening her phone to look at her message.

She brought the phone to her ear, confusion and concern filling her chest as she listened to your voice. Though your words weren’t all that worrying, she could hear in your voice that things weren’t right.

“How’s she doing?” Katie asked, having heard your voice coming from the phone. Her voice was cautious, something unusual for the Irish captain.

“Did you know she wouldn’t be here today?” Stina asked, confused as to why Katie seemed to be clued in to your mood before her. Maybe you had sent her a similar message? She was your best friend, after all. The two of you made a ridiculous pair—her loud and aggressive, you nearly silent and composed—but you’d known each other longer than anyone else on the team, and everyone knew Katie would do practically anything for you.

Katie was quiet, glancing around at the other girls in the room. Now Stina was worried. Even though you had told her not to be, that it wasn’t anything serious, she couldn’t help it now that Katie was acting so strangely.

Once it was just Stina and Katie in the locker room, Katie answered her question.

“Listen, it isn’t my place to tell you anything. You know how private she is…” Katie sighed, rubbing her temples. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell you, probably didn’t want to worry you, the idiot,” she mumbled under her breath to an increasingly concerned Stina.

“Katie.” Stina said firmly, “What the fuck is going on?”

She wasn’t usually one to swear. But where you were concerned, the possibility that you were hurting, and had hidden it from her, that warranted much more than cursing.

“Today is difficult for her, very difficult. That’s all I feel comfortable saying. But if you want to go, Jonas is going to understand.”

Stina’s heart was in her stomach. Images flashed through her mind, a thousand different horrible things this could mean.

"Difficult?" She questioned, "Katie, is she safe? Do I have to be prepared for—"

"It's not like that, she isn't in physical danger."

The answer wasn't reassuring to Stina, who now felt a little ill at the thought of you home alone today. She should be there with you. Someone should be there, if you didn't want her (God, she hoped you wanted her, trusted her). The urge to press more information out of Katie was strong, but Stina held herself back. Katie was right—you needed to tell Stina yourself. Otherwise any insight into your head would be forced entry, a violation of the trust you had both with Katie and with her.

So Stina simply nodded and looked back at her phone to reply to your message.

Okay, I hope you're feeling all right. Can I swing by later and bring you something? I'd love to see you <3

She wanted to give you an option to say no to her visit—though she would prefer to just go over there now. At least now if you didn't answer before she showed up she could say she had reached out.

—

You waited until the water ran cold to get out of the shower. Your skin was raw to the touch, and still a subtle red color after you had dried yourself off and began braiding your hair. You could hardly stand to look at yourself.

You threw on the only clothes you could stand on your skin—a pair of soft sweatpants and fuzzy socks—along with Stina's old Häcken hoodie she left at your place a few days ago. It smelled of her which comforted you even if she wasn't here.

Your phone dinged with a message. Upon opening it, you saw Stina and Katie had messaged, and that you had two missed calls.

"Eat something." Was all your message from Katie said.

She knew you, and knew you wouldn't want to eat today. But you had to.

You went to open Stina's text when your phone lit up with another incoming call. It was from Sandra, the mother of your friend. She did this every year, and every year you told yourself you wouldn't pick up. It wasn't healthy for either of you—it reopened wounds that were barely scabbing over as it was. She inevitably cried, and asked why you had left her daughter alone that night, and you bit your lip raw trying to keep quiet and apologize.

But even though you knew the script, you picked up the phone.

"Hi," you said, your voice noticeably smaller.

You heard a sigh of relief on the other end.

"How are you, Sandra?" You continued, your fingers picking at your lip anxiously. You felt it start to bleed and did nothing.

"Are you still in Limerick?" You continued your flood of questions, waiting for her onslaught to begin.

A few minutes later, once you were on your tenth question and you'd switched from your lip to pressing your nails into your bloodied palm, you heard her begin to cry.

You weren't sure how you managed this every year. Memories of the funeral flashed behind your eyes, and how you hadn't been allowed to stand near the front with the rest of the friends and family. How Sandra had wailed, and smacked you across the face in the parking lot. You stared at your kitchen backsplash and just listened.

"Why, why did you do it?" She cried, and you bit the inside of your cheek.

"I'm sorry." You whispered.

"You left her alone, you killed her, you always brought her home expect that one fucking night and look what happened. It should've been you, it should've been you, you don't deserve this—"

And so it continued. Tears streamed down your face as your brain began to shut down as a defense mechanism. You just felt numb. Nobody else existed in the world except for you and this woman whose life you had ruined. No Katie, No Stina, Nobody that gave you their love and wanted you here. You didn't deserve what you had, not your success where it should've been your friend's, not your team, not your girlfriend. You were an imposter on this planet, a thief.

—

It turned out that going over to your place wasn't as simple as it seemed. Stina tried asking Jonas if she could be excused from practice, but he insisted that she stay just for an hour. Arsenal had a match with the Spurs in four days and Jonas wanted to go over strategies with the forwards. No skipping.

So Stina stayed—looking at her phone every thirty seconds for a text from you. There was nothing, and it freaked her out even more.

Whatever Jonas was saying, none of it was registering. She would ride the bench if she had to, it didn't matter to her now. Her leg bounced nervously, and Viv looked at her with concern on her face every couple of minutes. When Jonas went outside to take a quick call, she turned to Stina and immediately asked after her.

"What's wrong, is it something with Odi?"

Stina nodded, her tight lipped expression telling Viv all she needed to know. She gave Stina a look of sympathy and glanced at her watch, clearly wondering when the meeting would be over as well.

"Odi, something's wrong with her?" Beth butted in unabashedly.

You'd gotten the nickname for a few reasons: you'd danced for years as a child as a ballerina, which showed in your play. You were showy, and graceful, not the aggressive type. Like a swan, someone had once said to you—and the swan lake association stuck: Odette, or Odi for short. Arsenal's dancer.

Jonas re-entered the room before Beth could ask any more questions, saving Stina the struggle.

"For Christ's sake, let the poor girl go," Beth called out as Stina checked her phone for the hundredth time.

Jonas sent a look Beth's way, but decided to be merciful.

"Alright, Blackstenius, you're excused. But I'll be seeing you tomorrow."

Stina practically ran back to the locker room, throwing her kit into her bag and getting changed as fast as she could. A steady sense of dread was building in her. She decided to call you as she left the training grounds and walked to her car, hoping she could catch you and tell you she was coming. It would soothe her mind just to hear your voice.

But instead of your voice on the other end, Stina was met with the busy signal. That confused her even more—you weren't a fan of phone calls necessarily, and she knew your parents would be working now, so it was unlikely they would have called you.

She tried once more, hoping she had just happened to catch you at the tail end of a call, but you still didn't answer.

—

You had barely hung up the phone with Sandra before the tears began to pour from your eyes. It was as though time had made no difference and you were hearing of your friend's death for the first time. All the pain, all the self loathing that had fallen down upon you then still crushed your shoulders with its weight.

Your phone dinged again—a message from Katie.

Respond to me or I'm coming over there myself.

You didn't want Katie here. She had been there in years past, and for her to see you no better despite the time and therapy you put in, well you couldn't handle the shame.

I'm alive and well - see you tomorrow at training

You replied, knowing if you told her you were fine and left it at that she might kill you herself.

You giggled at the thought of her huffing and puffing at you, demanding you take better care of yourself like a surrogate mother. When your mother wasn’t around, Katie did a damn good impression of her. You never got away with anything if Katie had a say. You laughed through your tears, feeling like every nerve of yours was on a razor's edge.

A knock at the door barely registered in your mind as you wandered over to the couch, wanting nothing more than to curl up in a ball and waste away for the next twelve hours. Your head was beginning to hurt from all the crying, which only soured your mood further. For the first time you had the thought: I don't want to be alone.

You thought it must’ve been a hallucination, the way Stina appeared in front of you.

—

Stina wasn’t sure what to expect when she knocked on the door of your apartment. She had spent the entire drive over worrying about how she could find you, partially cursing Katie for giving her just enough info to get her mind going in a million unhelpful directions. The fact that you weren’t texting her back hadn’t helped either. The road before her blurred as she drove without thinking, her body getting her to your apartment building on instinct.

The elevator dinged at each floor and with it her heartbeat increased.

When you didn’t answer the door it dropped.

“Hello?” Stina called out, having opened the door with the spare key you had given her a few months ago. She cursed herself for not staying with you last night when you looked so weighed down, so tired. She’d let you convince her you were fine—something she wouldn’t do again anytime soon.

When she turned the corner from your kitchen into the open space of your living room she spotted you. There you were, curled up on the couch in a small ball, silent.

“Did you hear me knock?” She asked softly, approaching you.

You didn’t reply, didn’t even look at her.

She slowly reached out a hand to place it on your head gently, when you turned and looked at her. It frightened her—the look in your eyes. She hadn’t ever seen them so empty.

“Stina?” you whispered, confusion present in your tone.

“Yes, min kärlek, jag är här.”

She put a hand softly on your face, cupping your cheek.

“You’re really here?”

There were tears beginning to gather in your already red eyes. Stina felt her throat constrict. You’d been crying, clearly a lot by how swollen your face was.

Stina pulled you up and into her arms easily, shifting you so she could sit on the couch with you in her lap.

“What’s wrong?” she asked gently, remembering that you had said once that hearing her speak her native Swedish calmed you down.

You wiped your eyes, lip still trembling slightly.

“Did Katie say something? Or Jonas?”

Stina wiped your cheeks with the pad of her thumb, brow creased with worry.

“Katie said today was hard for you, that’s it. Promise.”

You went silent, thinking.

“I was going to tell you. I promise, I meant to. But it just never seemed like a good time, or I just wanted to avoid it as long as possible…you see, Katie met me not long after it happened, she was there, it’s different. I didn’t trust her with this and not you on purpose. She can’t help but know.” You shifted off of Stina’s lap, curling in on yourself next to her so your skin wasn’t touching.

“I hate myself for it. I do, really. And every time I tell someone, they might hate me too, I know that. And I just couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t give you the chance to hate me.”

Stina put a hand on your shoulder, biting her lip to contain a small sob when you flinched away from her. It was as if you weren’t even there in front of her. All of the grace and kindness and light that had been there just a few days ago seemed to have been swallowed by darkness. To hear you say the words ‘I hate myself’? Stina could cry at the thought of it. Those were words that should never come from your mouth. It was like a knife in her ribcage.

“Min söta… älskling”

“Don’t call me that,” you sobbed, putting your hands over your eyes and hiding your face from her.

"Snälla, låt mig hjälpa dig, please, I want to help.”

You shook your head, face still obscured from Stina’s view.

This was horrible. Stina felt as though she’d eaten something rotten the way her stomach churned. She was helpless, completely in the dark. Here she was, the person who was supposed to take care of you and love you, and she could hardly do anything. All she could think to do as you cried quietly was pull you into her side and rock you slowly. A melody popped into her head—one her mother had sang to her as a child when she was ill.

Stina softly sang, trying not to feel embarrassed by her voice. You were beginning to calm, your hands dropping from your face to her shirt, holding it close. By the time she was finished, the room was quiet, empty of your cries. You were clinging to her, your face buried in the crook of her neck as if you were ashamed of the comfort you needed.

“What was that song?” you asked, voice hoarse.

“It’s a lullaby. I can’t remember the name.”

Stina felt you nod against her skin.

She opted not to say anything further. You were exhausted, she could tell. Anything you wanted to say, you needed to volunteer.

After a few moments, she felt your grip on her shirt tighten.

“When I was nineteen, my best friend died.”

Whatever Stina had been expecting to come out of your mouth, that wasn’t it. She sucked in a breath, trying to remain unaffected. You needed her strength.

“We had been friends for years, since we were kids. And we’d gotten in this huge fight over something… uni I think. I had an offer to play professionally. I had been drinking, so had she. And I always walked her home, always, when she had been drinking. The way to her house was a bit sketchy, you know? So I figured two people were better than one if anything happened. But the things she said to me that night… I’d never been so upset in my life.”

You took a breath,

“So I refused to walk her. She didn’t press, just turned up her nose and walked away, didn’t even say goodbye. And I waited for my bus. The next morning I get a call from her mum—she’s been killed.”

Stina could barely trust herself to breathe.

“I let it happen, I’m the reason she died.”

“No—” Stina began, but you cut her off.

“When they held the funeral, I wasn’t allowed to say anything. I wasn’t allowed anywhere but the very back of the church, because they all knew it was my fault. And still, they know it, they remind me of what happened, what I’ve done. I stole her life!”

“Stop!” Stina demanded, her face flushed with anger. You were taken aback by her passion, and quieted. “You did not steal anything, you didn’t kill her, it isn’t your fault!” She grabbed your hand as you pulled back from her.

“You lost your best friend in such a horrible way, and nobody checked in? Nobody held you?”

You opened your mouth to speak, but this time Stina silenced you.

“I want you to tell me what you mean by ‘they remind you’ of what happened.”

You refused to meet her eyes.

“It’s not good. Not for me or her… she calls me, my friend’s mom, to talk.” You hesitated, but explained the routine to your girlfriend when she fixed you with a look.

“That’s…” Stina seemed at a loss for words, “you are the strongest person I know. And you rake yourself across hot coals for a crime that isn’t even yours. For a woman who wants to see you suffer, who can’t accept your healing. That isn’t right. You did not kill her. That is someone else’s burden to carry.”

You burst into tears again.

—

You must’ve fallen asleep at some point, because the next time you wake up you’re in bed, and Stina is wrapped protectively around you. Her warmth encases you; she holds you more protectively than usual, her arms shielding you from the world.

Eventually the two of you get back up, though not before Stina wraps you in a crushing embrace and lets you know she’s staying for a couple of days. No negotiating.

She makes dinner, you clean. It’s the first time you’ve eaten all day, and you think she can tell by the way she watches you intently. You feel cared for, and it’s a little overwhelming. Stina doesn’t let you out of her sight save a few trips to the bathroom and one brief call from her sister that she has to take.

You didn’t expect things to shake her up so much.

She helps you clean the wounds on your palms, grimacing at the sight of them once you unfurl your fingers for her. You try to tell her you can deal with them yourself—especially with how much it seems to upset her—but she isn't having it. You see her set her brow and concentrate on cleaning and bandaging the damaged skin, tears only glazing her eyes as you hiss in pain.

Eventually you convince her that you're fine enough to settle down on the couch and watch a movie. She insists on having you in her lap—something that you find equally as comforting. Stina isn't typically all that tactile, but now each moment apart from you seems to worry her.

You're about halfway into the film and slowly drifting off into her chest when you feel her whisper something into your skin. You think she assumes you're asleep (and you nearly are) but you make out her voice slightly.

"Tack Gud att du är här." She repeats it, and soon you can feel the drops of her tears hitting your shoulder.

"Stina…" you whisper, repositioning yourself to face her.

"förlåt" she says, wiping her eyes.

"You don't have to be sorry… It was an intense day." You press a kiss to her cheek.

"I was so worried," Stina starts, and you figure it's best not to interrupt her, "when Katie said that you might be struggling, I couldn't think of anything else. You can't hurt yourself anymore, please." Stina takes your bandaged hand.

"If you were gone one day, I don't know how I'd cope."

"You don't have to worry about that, ever."

"You are the most important thing in my life." Stina's lip trembles, and you wonder how you're managing to keep it together.

You pull her into another kiss, lips sore from how you had abused them earlier. The pain reminds you of the struggle of the day, but Stina's hand holds the depths in front of you at bay.

"I'll always be here." She promises.

You begin to think of something lighter. Of an ounce of forgiveness. Of a year that does not revolve around the rising and setting of the sun on this one day. A moment of peace afforded to yourself. The thought passes your mind—you do not deserve this. You instead think of love.

#woso x reader #stina blackstenius x reader #stina blackstenius imagine #woso imagine #woso fanfics #stina blackstenius #woso #woso community #arsenal x reader #swewnt x reader #my writing #i hope this satisfies some of the stina girls #and happy new year (belated lol)

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jediskywalkerblog · 2 months

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public - hayden christiensen

Hey my lovely people! I’ve just finished uni for the summer and I’m slowlyyy getting back into writing so here’s a lil’ drabble <333

A/N: no smut just pure fluff from this beautiful man🥹🫶🏼

Warnings: age gap.

• you and hay had been keeping your relationship away from the eyes of the public for quite some time, the two of you are happy with the private life.

• it comes to a point where the two of you really struggle to keep your relationship on the down low when the paparazzi start photographing hay on the street with you just going about your normal daily things.

• you’d see instagram and TikTok posts like ‘who is hayden christiensen’s new girlfriend’, ‘stunning young girl spotted with hayden christiensen’ and ‘hayden christiensen’s new mystery girl’…

• you and hay both know it’s time to let go of your little secret when the production and promotion of his new series ‘obi-wan’ begins. You both know the press will be crazyyy!

• “hay look at all of these comments” I say as I show hayden the newest suspicions about our relationship whilst we lay on the couch.

• A news story titled ‘hayden christiensen’s new girlfriend. Young enough to be his daughter?’ The two of you do have a bit of an age gap but neither of you had ever considered the hate you’d get from it. To you, age is just a number.

• “just ignore them baby, I know it’s hard” hay says as he pulls you into his chest… “no one knows the love we have for each other” he says as he pulls you in for a kiss on his soft lips.

• “hay, I think it’s time we introduce me to the world” I say as I look into his deep blue eyes. He gives me a serious look as he looks down at me.

• “I’d never say no is that what you want baby, but are you sure? The press might get worse” he asks me concerned as he pulls my soft hair out of my face.

• “I’m sure, we can’t hide our relationship anymore, especially now there’s going to be way more cameras on you” you say as you know that he’ll be promoting the new ‘Obi-Wan’ series very soon.

• “ok beautiful, I’m sure I’ll be able to bring you on a talk show with me. You can be my assistant” he says winking down at me right before we both burst out laughing.

• “sexy assistant I hope” you joke as the two of you lay and cuddle on the sofa…

• They day finally comes, the day you’re being introduced to the world, it’s not the world your worried about. It’s Hayden’s fans… what of the don’t like me? What if I’m not good enough for their beautiful Anakin Skywalker?…

• I’m bought away from my thoughts when the makeup lady tells me that she’s finished and there’s 10 mins until we’re live. I’m shaking like a leaf.

• Hayden gets up off the little sofa he’s been sat on waiting so patiently for me to get my makeup done. “You look beautiful” he says as he takes my hand, he feels me shaking. “Don’t be nervous baby, I’ll be next to you the whole time.”

• “it’s not the show I’m worried about” I say as I look up at Hayden, he gives me a concerned look… “it’s your fans, what if I’m not good enough?” I blurt out causing Hay to chuckle.

• “not funny hay” you say as you give him a playful punch whilst the two of you burst out laughing. “It’s a little funny babe. They’ll love you. They’ll love you because I do.” He says before planting a little kiss on my forehead.

• “5 mins until showtime” a lady says as she walks in with her clipboard.

• “it’s time hay.”

• “it’s time baby.” Is all he says as he takes my hand and leads me onto the stage.

Heyy lovelies, I’m currently laughing at myself because this was meant to be like a mini Drabble but it ended up being an entire imagine… this is what happens when I write at 10:30 at night🤣. In my feels I guess🫶🏼

Let me know if you guys want a part two via the ask button <33 - @jediskywalkerblog 🚀✨🛸

#anakin x reader #hayden christensen #star wars anakin #star wars blog #starwars imagine #starwarsedit #anakin fanfiction #anakin gif #anakin imagine #anakin x you #haydenchristiensenimagines #hayden christensen fluff #hayden christensen x reader #haydenchristensenedit #hchristensenedit #hayden christensen fanfiction

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lemons4u · 7 months

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𝐈 𝐌𝐄𝐓 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐓 ! - 𝐀𝐋𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐌

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒┊i’ve left you guys w nothing for so long 💔 so take this small series (multiple chapters) as a apology, hopefully you guys will forgive meeee— AND i’d like to add the kazuha smut isn’t gonna come out till the end of november or thee begging of december, anddd expect a albedo smau ❤️

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒┊fluff, suggestive (ofc, it’s written by pri, what else do u expect?), fem! reader, modern au, somewhat ooc alhaitham not rly though, AND CUTIE PATOOTIE READER… w a little attitude

“ come on alhaitham! it can’t hurt to try dating someone… ” kaveh tried to reason with him— claiming that he’d been single long enough and needed a relationship. ( also he is very attractive, and has chicks swarming all around him… you’d think he’d make the effort to start something with one of them… but! guess not! )

“ kaveh, i said no. i’m in no need of a reltionship— plus all these.. girls. ” he hesitated— thinking of a proper way to describe them.

“ their annoying, and clearly don’t care much for their studies.. i need a partner who actually has a brain. ” alhaitham said sourly.

“ ugh… ” kaveh pouted, “ brains aren’t everything, you know? if i were you i would’ve got a girlfriend already!! ”

“ i hope one day these girls realize you’ve got no personality and are rude and— and well, you know!”

“then they’ll realize what a true man is… ” he grinned. “ aka, me. ”

“ brains aren’t everything? i disagree… a persons brain is—”

“ shush! i don’t need one of your lectures about how blah blah means blah blah. ” kaveh scoffed, frowning once more.

“ one day you’re going to end up dating a no brainer, just because their pretty. ” alhaitham murmured, closing his book and leaning his head back on his seat.

“ and you’re gonna end up dating no one. ” kaveh snapped back.

“ fine by me. ” alhaitham said stoically, but to be honest… he did want to love someone eventually, but he wouldn’t admit that to kaveh.

“ you know what? if you can’t find anyone you like here at our uni… why not get a dating app! there’s plenty of smart people on those! ” kaveh exclaimed excitedly, desperate to get his “lonely” roommate a partner.

“ and get catfished? no thank you. ” alhaitham declined quickly… but seriously, a dating app might be a good idea— maybe he could meet someone at his intellectual level.. not some dumbass like all the girls here.

“ not everyone on dating apps are catfishers, come on! please try one! and i’ll pay you a visit to the library…!! ” kaveh pleaded. “ you don’t even have to date… you can just make a friend! ”

friend….? well he certainly needed more of those— as well as new books.

“ a visit to the bookstore, not library, and you have a deal. ” alhaitham tilted his head up at kaveh.

“ ugh… fine. just don’t buy too many books! or else i’ll never be able to afford supplies for my project. ”

alhaitham hummed. “ alright, i’ll limit myself to… eh, three books. ”

from the most expensive section too…

“ three?! come on make it at least two… ” kaveh pouted. “ you always get the most expensive books, so two! ”

alhaitham sighed, “ fine, two books, and i’ll try that stupid dating app. ”

“ bet! ” kaveh gleamed, picking up alhaitham’s phone which made alhaitham jolt up a bit.

“ hey what are you— ” kaveh shushed him.

“ getting you the app, obviously!! ” kaveh chuckled, flashing the phone over to alhaitham’s face for face-id.

poor alhaitham couldn’t even snatch it back.

kaveh was typing away on alhaithams phone ( without alhaitham’s consent too! how rude! )

“ here! now you can set up your profile. ” kaveh handed alhaitham back the phone.

“ okay, okay. ” alhaitham muttered, sounding unhappy… but in reality he was a little bit excited.

“ kaveh. why do you even want me to date someone….? ”

“ because haitham, your 23 and haven’t even gotten a peck on the lips— and your like, i dunno, attractive? i have no idea i just wanna help you live a little… ”

alhaitham blinked at his friend a couple of times… live a little? he was already living his life the best he could.

well actually, that was debatable.

“ yeah, okay. ” alhaitham clicked on the profile… he needed a profile picture and bio..

“ use the photo from the festival! you know, the one with the glasses and you actually smiling! ” kaveh suggested.

“ that one…? okay. ” alhaitham scrolled through his gallery, which was mostly just photos of kaveh making faces, books, and some things he found appealing (aesthetic sunsets, and photos of trees and plants).

“ what about for my bio? ” alhaitham asked kaveh, who seemed to already be conducting something “good”.

“ say your name, age, mbti, zodiac, and major! and whatever else you think is important for your soulmate to know. ” kaveh nodded proudly.

“ soulmate? you make me laugh. there’s no such things as soulmates. ” alhaitham scoffed. “ people fall in love and that’s it, there’s no mystical soulmate thing behind it— think realistically kaveh. ”

“ i am thinking realistically! ” kaveh snapped back, brows furrowing. “ your so ungrateful. ”

“ and my zodiac? the fuck does that have to do with anything? ” alhaitham raised a eyebrow, but typed it down anyways.

“ i thought you believed in astrology! ”

kaveh sighed, trying to calm himself down— screaming wasn’t going to help him. he couldn’t get a another sore throat from alhaitham.

“ whatever, just put anything down at this point…”

“ i should write down ‘ lover has to be smart ’… ” alhaitham said with the faintest smile.

kaveh gave him a look.

“ it’s a joke dumb ass. ” or was it?

( 2 days later ) it was about 1:24 a.m— and for some reason alhaitham was awake watching tiktok.

i mean he couldn’t sleep because of kaveh’s loud snoring.. and he has finished his books— and didn’t exactly want to binge on his new ones all in one night.

and that’s when he got it— a silly little notification.

‘ you matched with… [ name ], [ last name ] ! congratulations!! ’

“ the fuck… ” alhaitham squinted, clicking on the notification to be brought to your profile.

he examined it for a moment, you took the same major as him and were fairly… pretty.

he stared at it for a moment longer before receiving another notification.

‘ [ name ], [ last name ] would like to chat with you! ’

of course, he quickly clicked the approve button.

⟣ master list ⋆ next ⋆ prev

#alhaitham #alhaitham genshin #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham fluff #alhaitham smut #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin scenarios #genshin imagines #alhaitham smau #smau

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amor1st03 · 9 months

Text

Change | Kim Seungmin

Seungmin x fem!reader

frenemies(?) to lovers, librarian au, college/university au

warnings: Y/N misunderstands Seungmin for a little bit and judges him for this, swearing, drinking, skz being fuckboys, I think that's it let me know if I missed anything

word count: 4.9k

in which: Seungmin's reputation had you believing all he ever did was flirt with people around school. I mean, you witnessed it yourself at your uni's library where you both worked. But could it be possible that what you thought was wrong all along?

@icouldntcareless22

Skz masterlist

The constant stream of swooning girls bothered you more than you would like to admit.

It’s not that you were jealous. You weren’t jealous. You were annoyed.

Your job at your uni’s library had been a peaceful one until a certain someone had to disturb the peace.

Kim Seungmin.

Or as one girl in your class had told you, one of the university's most eligible bachelors. You were quick to correct this to one of the most attractive fuckboys.

Him and his seven best friends were known around campus for their good looks and charm. You heard many stories regarding each of their latest hookups.

Now, you had nothing wrong with people sleeping around, that’s what loads of people did at uni right? What you did have a problem was people being led on. You had seen quite a few people crying over being rejected by one of the guys after they thought they had been someone special to them.

There were only few who were able to resist their charm. You being one of them.

You had no interest in a quick one night stand. You wanted something that meant something. Something real.

Just because Kim Seungmin looked so good while leaning on the counter talking to the girls did not mean you were going to fall for his antics.

You rolled your eyes as one of the girls twirled her hair and fluttered her eyes before looking away. When the girls had finally left, you called over to him.

“Now that you’re done flirting can you put these back on the shelves.” You motioned your head in the direction of the cart full of books, not looking up from the computer you were using.

“I wasn’t flirting.” You look up at him, raising your eyebrows.

“Sure. Just go and put those back.” Without another word he took the cart and headed for the shelves. You watched as he left before turning back to your work.

“Is Seungmin here?” You looked up from the computer to see Chan.

“Hello to you too, Christopher.”

“Damn, English government name and everything.” He smiled at you. Chan was the only one of the eight guys, besides Seungmin, you spoke to. Last year, he had come to the library to talk to Seungmin when he had found you. He had asked you out to which you politely declined. He had been taken aback, it had been a long time since someone had rejected him. He had been surprised by you and, although he never asked you out again, the two of you formed a friendship.

“Seungmin’s here, he’s just putting some books back.”

“Well I was just gonna tell him that on Friday I’m having a party at my place. Actually, why don’t you come too? It’s been a while since you’ve come to one of my parties.”

“I’ll think about it. And I’ll tell him too.”

“Alright, thanks. I hope to see you there.” Chan left and not long after Seungmin returned with the empty cart.

“You just missed Chan. He told me to tell you he’s having a party at his on Friday.”

“Okay, cool.” You gave him a little nod before turning away to continue your work. “Hey, um, Y/N, would you, maybe, wanna come to the party?”

“Chan already invited me.”

“Oh, alright.”

“Anyway, I’m gonna clock out now, my shift’s over, but I’m gonna stick around to study for a little while. I swear, if I catch you flirting with all the girls that come to check out a book instead of working, I’ll kill you.”

“I already told you I don’t flirt with them!”

***

Your presence bothered Seungmin. Simply because when you were around he found it so difficult to draw himself away from you.

Like now, for example. You weren't doing anything significant. You weren't bringing any attention to yourself in any way. You were just sitting at a desk in the library, studying. But Seungmin found his gaze fixed on you. While waiting for someone to check out or return a book he was sitting behind the counter, chin resting on hand, analysing you.

He knew that there was some strange tension between the two of you. You seemed quite cold to him despite his advances to get to know you better. And yet, this did not deter him. If should have, he often told himself, because he was certain that you couldn't stand to be around him but none of that changed his feelings.

When you were with him, you were all he could see and when you weren't, you were all he could think about.

The two of you didn't share any classes but he saw you around campus. You were just as beautiful the first day he saw you.

He felt like an absolute idiot, gazing at you from a distance, too shy to approach you. He enjoyed just looking at you sometimes. Noticing all your silly little habits. The way you smiled. The first time he saw you laugh along with your friends he knew he was a goner.

There had been a few openings for a job at the campus library. At first, Seungmin wasn't interested until he found out that you had signed up for it. After having a crush on you for over a year without making a move he figured this would give him an opportunity.

The two of you had started out good, you were polite and nice. But there was still tension there.

He knew about the rumours that surrounded his friend group. There were so many that he stopped denying them after a while and just let people talk, whether what they were saying was true or not.

All he really cared about was that you didn't believe them. He wished that you wouldn't. So far his wish hadn't been granted, despite now much he insisted to you that he wasn't flirting with the girls that came to the counter.

People were slowly starting to leave the library as closing time neared. Finally, you and Seungmin were the only two people left.

You walked up to the counter to check out a few books. Your hand grazed Seungmin’s as he passed the books back to you and he swore his heart stopped for a moment.

“You need any help closing up?” You asked him.

“No, it’s alright, you can head off now.”

“Okay, see you later.”

“Bye. Get home safe!” He called after you as he mentally cursed himself for being too shy to ask you to stay a little while longer with him.

***

You knew you should have had a drink before the party. You felt so awkward as you looked around for someone you knew.

You continued to push your way through the crowd before you found a sofa in the corner where no one was sitting. You quickly claimed a seat and relaxed a little.

“Y/N, you made it!” A familiar voice shouted over to you. You looked in the direction that it came from and saw Chan approaching you. He sat down beside you, throwing an arm over the back of the sofa. You could tell the drink in his hand was certainly not his first of the night.

“Yep, here I am.”

“It’s been so long since you last came to a party, I’ve missed having you around.”

“Well some of us actually have to study, Chan,” You joked.

“Ugh, you sound like Seungmin.”

“Really?” At the mention of Seungmin, your eyes found him in the crowd. He was nodding along to something a girl was telling him on the other side of the room.

“Yep.”

“He can’t care about studying that much. I swear I always see him flirting with girls. I mean, even now. Typical.”

“What? Seungmin flirting? I'd love to see that.”

“What are you talking about?”

"What are you talking about? Seungmin has never once flirted with anyone."

"But…you guys…your reputation. You guys are known for flirting."

"Yeah the rest of us, maybe, but not Seungmin. Those are just rumours about him because he's in our group."

"But I always see him with girls."

"Yeah they chase after him and he will talk to them to be polite but I've never seen him so much as kiss any of them."

"Oh…"

"Come on, enough talking, let's get you a drink." He jumped up from his seat and offered his hand to you. You took it and he pulled you up before he guided you to where the drinks were. You could've sworn you felt eyes on the back of your head as you walked. When you looked around, your eyes met Seungmin's. You suddenly felt extremely embarrassed under his gaze after learning you had misjudged him.

"You know what we should do?" Chan asked you once you reached the counter.

"What?"

"Shots!" You were unsure at first. "Come on, what do you think? It's been so long since you've been at a party."

You looked back to where Seungmin had been standing. You saw that he was now pushing his way through the crowd, towards you and Chan.

"Fuck it, I'm in."

***

The party was dying down with only a few people left. You never usually stayed this long but you were having so much fun that the time just flew by.

"Get home safely, alright?" Chan said as you were about to leave. He was leaning on the door for support.

"I'll be fine, Chan."

"I'll walk you home." Seungmin walked up to where you and Chan were standing in the doorway.

"Okay then, see you later guys," Chan said with a yawn before the two of you left.

The walk at first was silent. The two of you were enjoying the fresh night air. As you walked you found a small wall and feeling childish in your drunkenness you hopped onto it before walking along it. You wobbled slightly but felt Seungmin grab your arm to stop you from falling.

"Careful," He said softly.

"If you're so worried about me falling, why don't you just hold my hand."

"What?" He was a little shocked at your words. He hoped the darkness of the night prevented you from seeing the red tinge on his cheeks.

"Hold my hand. I thought you'd be used to that with all the flirting you do, except, I suppose I'm not so sure now that Chan told me the truth." He gently took your hand and helped you walk along the wall.

"The truth?"

"Yeah. That you're not like the rest of your friends. That you don't flirt with all those girls that chase after. Not that there's anything wrong if you do I just don't think it's right if the girls genuinely think there's something there and you're just looking for a quick one night stand. But, yeah, Chan told me you don't do that." Seungmin smiled to himself.

"You're very talkative when you're drunk."

"Is it annoying?" You stopped in your tracks.

"Not at all." You smiled down at him before continuing to walk.

"Seriously though, why don't you flirt with them. I mean, you have so many people chasing after you and not one of them sparks your interest? Why is that?"

"Because."

"Because is not an answer."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not. Come on, tell me Seungmin.*

"Okay, fine. It's because I've already got my eye on somebody. But don't bother asking who it is, I'm not telling."

"Okay. I won't ask." You neared the end of the wall as you thought of Seungmin's words. You weren't sure why they bothered you so much but you tried to brush them off. Once you reached the end of the wall you turned to him.

"Catch me."

"What? No, I'm not catching you." He laughed a little.

"Well, I'm going to jump off and if you don't catch me I'm just going to bump into you anyway."

"Y/N, I'm not going to catch you."

"Ready. 3…2…"

"Y/N."

"1!" You jumped and Seungmin was quick to throw his arms around your waist. Your arms came to rest over his shoulders. His hot breath hit your face as you realised how close your face was to his.

"I knew you'd catch me." He set you down on the ground with a soft smile. Had his smile always been that cute? "Alright, come on then, I'm ready to go home." You skipped off as Seungmin laughed to himself, shaking his head before running to catch up to you.

You made it back to your apartment and were struggling to get the key in the door. You felt Seungmin's hand rest on top of yours as he helped you with the key.

"Yay, home sweet home!" You smiled as the door opened.

"Alright then, I guess I'll head off now that you're home."

"Okay then, I'll see you soon. Message me when you get home safely."

"I will."

"And if anyone kidnaps you I'll hunt them down and beat their asses!"

"I'm sure you will." He laughed. "Goodnight, Y/N."

"Night, Min!"

The little nickname had his heart racing a mile a minute for the rest of the night.

***

Seungmin noticed that things were less tense between the two of you after that night. The two of you were talking a lot more during your shifts at the library and if you finished at the same time, he would walk you home. You enjoyed spending time with each other and found you had actually become friends.

You continued to notice the stream of girls who came to see Seungmin. You knew now that he wasn't flirting back with them but something about them coming to see him still bugged you.

One time you were left at the counter while Seungmin went to stack the shelves when two girls approached you.

You greeted them as they placed some books on the counter, passing you their library cards.

"Is Seungmin here?" One of the girls asked.

"He's busy," You replied quickly.

"Where is he?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"Look, are you here to check out these books or not?" One girl rolled her eyes as you continued to check out the books before handing them back to the two girls. They turned and left without another word. You laughed in disbelief, shaking your head.

"What was all that about?" Seungmin asked as he returned.

"Oh, you saw that?"

"Yeah, I was hiding behind one of the shelves." You felt your cheeks heat up at his words.

"Well, I find it annoying that they're always here and I'm sure you do too."

"Yeah, I do sometimes."

"Then why don't you just reject their advances?"

"I try to. When they ask me out I turn them down but they keep coming back. And I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings by being rude so I just try to be friendly. What else can I do?"

"Just be honest with them. Tell them you're not interested, that you're already interested in someone else. And, hey, maybe you should try asking out whoever that other person is? If you're with someone and happy they might take a hint."

"I can't ask out the girl I like."

"Oh so it's a girl. Okay, that narrows down my guesses a little bit."

"Don't try and guess who it is, I'm not telling you."

"Why not? I might be able to help more if I know who it is."

"Not telling."

"Okay, fine. How about this? Practice on me."

"Huh?"

"Go on practice asking me out. Stand over there, pretend I'm her, walk up to me and ask me out."

"This is stupid."

"I don't care. Just do it." With a reluctant sigh, Seungmin walked a few paces away before turning around to face you. He walked back towards you.

"Hey, uh, we should, like, go out sometime."

"No."

"What do you mean no? This isn't helping."

"That was terrible, you sound like Chan."

"Well it works for him."

"That's because he's all confidence and charm."

"Are you saying I have no charm?"

"No, you do but it's different. Chan's all…how do I put this? Chan's a fuckboy, in the nicest way possible. But you, you're caring and sweet and, honestly, a little nerdy."

"Hey!"

"Trust me, a lot of girls find that attractive. The point is, be yourself. Okay, try again." Seungmin repeated the process of walking away and turning back.

"Hey, um, look I don't normally do this because I'm not really sure how to, but the truth is, I really like you. And I would love it if sometime you would maybe wanna go out on a date with me?" His eyes held your gaze as he spoke and you almost forgot that he wasn't actually asking you out.

"Yes," You replied softly before coming to your senses. You cleared your throat. "That-that was perfect, I'm certain she'll say yes if you ask her like that." You backed away slightly, almost tripping over your own feet. "Okay, I'm just gonna go check all the desks, see if anyone's left anything out. You can stay here and man the counter, I'll be back soon." You quickly hurried away, mentally screaming at yourself.

***

You had lost count of the months that had passed since you Seungmin had become friends. Things had certainly changed between the two of you, more than you would like to admit.

You had started to notice how easy it was to get lost in his eyes and how soft his lips look. After a few months of becoming friends you realised something. You definitely had feelings for him.

A few months ago, you would've turned a date with Seungmin down with a scoff but now? Now, you would practically beg for one. You were honestly head over heels for him. He was so kind and funny. How could you ever have thought differently of him?

You buried these feelings deep down inside. Hoping Seungmin wouldn't notice the lingering stares.

You'd figured out what bugged you when the girls came to flirt with him. It was jealousy. You wanted him to look at you and only you. You wanted him to like you the way you liked him.

There were moments where you thought maybe he felt the same.

Like the moment when he was walking you home that one time. You stopped in front of your apartment building and turned to say goodbye. He reached his hand up to brush an eyelash off of your face. His hand lingered a moment longer than it probably should have and you thought maybe. Just maybe he feels the same.

Or the time that the two of you were meant to close up the library together. Everyone had left and the two of you were sitting together on the floor behind the counter. You were both laughing at something he said before you both looked at each other. You could have sworn that he was leaning in, but in the end, he turned his head away.

There were many moments like that. You just weren't sure how he felt. And you were at a constant war with yourself on whether or not you should confess to him.

You shook off the thought as you checked the peep hole a second time. No, he really was at your door.

You were laying in bed one night contemplating your confession when you heard a knock on your door. Surprised that someone could be at your apartment at this time of night you carefully tiptoed over to the door. You checked the peep hole to see it was the exact person you had been thinking of. For a split second you thought that you had been daydreaming about him so much that you were now hallucinating. Imagining that he was here.

You quickly unlocked the door. When Seungmin caught sight of your face a warm smile spread over his face. You noticed the flushed look on his face.

"Seungmin, what are you doing here so late?"

"Y/N!" He wrapped his arms around you and you stumbled back a little. You laughed as you wrapped your own arms around him.

"Have you been drinking?" You ask him.

"I was. How did you know? Who told you?" He pulled away to look at you but still held you close.

"A little birdie."

"You can talk to birds?" He asked in disbelief to which you laughed again.

"Yes. Anyway, why are you here, Seungmin?"

"Because I wanted to see you. I'm sorry it's so late but I missed you so much."

"It's okay. I missed you too." This made Seungmin smile.

"Okay, I don't want to disturb you anymore so I'll get off now, I just wanted to see you before I went home." He moved away from you, stumbling a little. You grabbed his arm to steady him.

"Yeah, I'm not letting you go home like this, come on, you can sleep here tonight."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am." You guided him to your room. He sat down before kicking off his shoes and getting under the covers.

"I'm sorry I don't have anything for you to sleep in," You said to him after you had returned from getting him a glass of water.

"It's alright."

"What were you doing tonight, anyway? It's a Thursday night, we have classes tomorrow. Were you out with the guys?" You sat down on the edge of the bed looking at him. Your heart swelled at the way he looked into your eyes.

"Yeah, it was a random party and me and Chan were actually just talking about you. After that I knew that I needed to see you tonight, if not I knew I'd never be able to get to sleep, so I left the party and came here."

"You were talking about me?"

"Yeah, I talk about you a lot actually. Is that weird? I hope you don't find it weird."

"I don't. Well, as long as you tell people the nice stuff about me."

"Everything about you is nice."

"You're just saying that because you're drunk." You smiled softly.

"No, I'm saying it because I know it's true."

"Okay, well thank you. You should get some sleep now, you'll have an awful headache in the morning if not." You got up to leave, walking towards the door.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"To go sleep on the sofa?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm letting you have my bed." You leant on the doorway to talk to him.

"You can't sleep on the sofa."

"I can. I'm telling you, you're having my bed tonight and I'll sleep on the sofa, it's fine."

"Okay and I'm trying to tell you that I want you to stay." You remained quiet, looking at him. Had you heard him correctly? "Please, will you stay?"

"Okay," You whispered before making your way over to the bed. You climbed under the sheets, lying next to him. The two of you were facing each other as he smiled at you.

All you could hear was your heart beat.

You swore it skipped a beat when you felt Seungmin softly reach out for your hand, taking it in his own. A bright smile spread across your face.

"I've dreamt of this."

"Of what?"

"Of lying here, having you smile at me like that."

"Seungmin," You whispered, unsure of what to say.

"I need to tell you something."

"What is it?" Your heart rate quickened as you waited for him to speak.

"Chan and I fell out once because of you. Well, we didn't really fall out. I was mad at him, he wasn't mad at me. And it's not your fault it happened. It's just, I told Chan not to ask you out and he did it anyway and I was so angry at him for it."

"Why did you tell him not to ask me out?"

"Well, I was scared you'd get hurt for one, and I didn't want that to happen. But the main reason is a bit more selfish. I didn't tell Chan this at first, if I had done he probably wouldn't have asked you out, but the reason I didn't want him doing so is because I wanted it to be me who did it. I admired you from afar. I've had feelings for you for the longest time and I was so scared that you'd be head over heels for someone like Chan instead of me."

"You know I don't like Chan like that."

"Do you like me like that?"

"You're drunk right now. I want you to make sure you are fully aware of what we're both saying. I'll tell you tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay. You don't hate me because of what I said, do you?" He whispered.

"I could never hate you."

"Good."

"Goodnight, Min."

"Goodnight, Y/N." He yawned before shutting his eyes.

When he had drifted off and you heard his soft snores, you leaned over and gave him a gentle kiss on his forehead before settling down next to him.

***

Seungmin woke the next morning to an awful buzzing sound. He reached out beside him and felt the cold, empty space next to him. You weren't there. His heart dropped when he realised. The buzzing noise, he found, was coming from an alarm clock on your bedside cabinet. He reached over to stop it.

On the cabinet, he found you had also left him some water, painkillers and a note. He picked up the note to read it.

Sorry about the alarm, I set it so you'd have enough time to get home and get changed before your first class. Hope you're not too hungover. I've had to leave for my earlier classes. Feel free to make yourself some breakfast before you leave. I've left my spare set of keys on the kitchen counter so you can lock up. You can give them back to me today at the library. See you later.

After taking a few painkillers for his headache, Seungmin did as you instructed. He got up and got himself a bowl of cereal, washing up after himself because he didn't want to cause you any more trouble than he already had. Then he left, locking your door with the spare keys before heading home to change.

He eventually made it to his first class with only a few minutes to spare. He had considered not coming but he knew he should. In the end it wouldn't have mattered if he hadn't shown because he couldn't remember a single thing from any of his classes that day. He was too focused on replaying last night to himself.

You hadn't told him how you felt, he was certain it meant you would reject him. He wasn't sure how he was going to face you. But sure enough, the end of his last class came and he headed for his shift at the library. He was in no rush to get there, taking the longest route he could.

"Hi," You greeted him once he had arrived.

"Hi," He replied, shyly. He was unsure whether to bring last night up or to wait for you to say something.

Before you had the chance to say something somebody came up to the counter to return some books. As you were helping them, Seungmin decided he would go to the storage room as he knew that the university had ordered some more books. He was feeling awkward now and wanted to avoid you and figured organising the books would be a good excuse.

As your shift continued, you were unable to find the right time to approach Seungmin. You decided it would be best to do it when you were closing up.

The time finally came when the last few students left. You and Seungmin were putting away the last of the books.

"I'm sorry I haven't said anything earlier about last night, I just haven't found the right time."

"It's okay. I'm just sorry last night ever happened."

"Don't say that." You put the last book on the shelf and turned to him.

"Why not?"

"Because you shouldn't ever regret being brave enough to tell someone how you feel. That is, if you really meant what you said last night. Did you?"

"Of course I did."

"Well, that's good then. I'm glad to see my feelings are reciprocated."

"Wait, what?" Seungmin asked, shocked at what he was heading. You laughed softly as his response.

"Seungmin," You said as you placed your hands on his face, smiling up at him. "I like you. So much. I could barely sleep last night after what you told me. My heart was racing every time I looked over at you."

"I can't believe this is real."

"Well, believe it because now that we've confessed, I expect a date."

"How about now? After we've closed up. We can do whatever you like."

"I don't care what we do as long as I'm with you." You smiled before leaning up towards his lips. He leaned down at the same time, meeting you halfway. The kiss blossomed between the two of you and you knew now how much everything had all changed. This was the start of something new between the two of you and you suddenly realised how much you loved change.

#kim seungmin #kim seungmin x reader #kim seungmin fluff #skz seungmin #stray kids #skz #kpop #fanfiction #fanfic

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milawritesstuff · 1 year

Note

hiii please write some pedri angst with a happy ending like they have this big fight and the reader leaves but the next day at training while talking with gavi he realizes how much he needs her and goes to find her thank uu

A/N: I have so many ideas and sometimes I can’t get anything in writing so I just start to write and hope the story takes form. This is one of those stories. Hope you like it.

Warnings: none

•••

You sat At Pedri’s table going through your textbooks trying to suck up as much information as possible. You had been studying all day at his house while he played video games in the living room. You had taken a quick lunch break and then gone right back to your books.

As you turned the page you heard Pedri’s footsteps and then felt his arms go around your waist from behind. He gave you a kiss on your cheek and then rested his chin on your left shoulder.

“When are you going to be done? I’m bored” he said.

“Pedro, I told you I’m really nervous about this test. In fact I don’t know how I’ll be able to sleep tonight I am so stressed out.”

He began to leave small kisses on your neck and as much as you wanted to give in and close shut your textbooks you knew what your priority was. You let him leave a few more kisses as you reached for your phone, which had been sitting face down on Pedri’s table all afternoon, only to realize it was already 10pm. “Oh my god Pedri. I have to go home. It’s already so late and my test is early tomorrow morning.”

“Are you kidding me?” He growled as he let go of you and began to pace around the dinning room. “Im sorry, are you mad?” You asked as you packed up your stuff and sensed a bit of annoyance in his tone. “You spent all day just sitting here with those books Y/N. What was the point of you coming over? For that rushed lunch?”

“I’m sorry Pedro but I wouldn’t have been able to see you at all today if I hadn’t studied. This is a very important tests and I’m really nervous.”

“I know, you’ve said it a million times already.” He spat back. You stood there dumbfounded because Pedri had never talked to you that way. You decided to ignore him and started to walk towards the door. You had so much to deal with and you would deal with him another day.

At least that was your plan until Pedri couldn’t keep quiet. “Why do you even care anyway? We’re gonna get married and you won’t need to work. I’m going to take care of you.”

His words stopped you dead in your track “That’s your plan?” You asked him.

“It’s not yours?” He asked almost surprised.

“I’m not some gold digger, Pedro.”

“That’s not how I meant it.”

“Then how did you mean it?”

He stood there in silence.

“I just don’t know why you spend all day studying. I can’t even see you sometimes when I have my days off because you’re at uni. I could have gone out with my friends today instead of being stuck inside just waiting for a second of your time.”

You wanted to walk out of his apartment and just go home but your pride got in the way, like always. You couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. He knew how proud you were of your achievements and it really pissed you off that he seemed not to care at this moment.

“So I should just drop everything when Mr Pedro Gonzalez has some time for me?” You ask. “What about when you leave for days with the team. I’m just supposed to be sitting here waiting for you to come back home and kiss the floor you walk on?”

“I leave for work. My job is the team. My job is what’s going to pay our bills.” He explained.

You scoffed. “Your job isn’t more important than my school Pedro. And your career isn’t going to pay my bills, I am.”

You turned around and began to walk towards the door. When your hand made contact with the doorknob and you began to twist it you heard Pedri. “If you walk out right now, it’s over.”

His words crushed you. You didn’t dare turn around. You knew this wasn’t just from today. The two of you had been digging at each other for weeks. He had been gone for a few weeks with the national team and when he came back you had been consumed with your studying. When you finally got some free time his family had been in town and he hardly had any time for you. Everything had been so fast paced lately and you yearned for some quality time with your boyfriend but you had come to the realization that this would be your life if you stayed with him. His career was just starting and even if you two got married and had kids he would still be gone on trips frequently and his career would always have to come before yours.

You gulped as you felt a tear fall from your eye making its way down your cheek and towards your chin. “I thought I had made it clear we were over Pedro when I said your career wasn’t going to pay my bills.” You finished turning the knob of his front door and walked outside.

You half hoped he would come running behind you and pull you back in. Telling you he was sorry and didn’t mean anything. You also half hoped he would not do that. That he would let you walk out of his life like this and the two of you would never have to turn back. And as you took another step and didn’t hear his footsteps behind you, you knew which option Pedri had chosen. And it killed you.

The next morning Pedri was in a bad mood. He had a bad practice and as he and his teammates walked back to the locker room he looked at his phone. He had hoped to get a message from you but of course he hadn’t. And he knew it too because you weren’t one to say sorry first. He took out his clothes and closed his locker. He stood there and punched the door.

“Hey, hey what’s going on?” Said his friend Gavi who was now next to him.

“I think I fucked it up with Y/N.” He said.

“What happened?”

“We broke up last night.” He said.

“What? But didn’t we just go look at rings for her?” Asked Gavi surprised.

“Maybe I was wrong Pablo. Maybe she’s not the one.”

“But you’re clearly upset Pedro. If she wasn’t the one you wouldn’t be acting like this.” Gavi talked some sense into his friend. “Tell me what happened?”

Pedri went on to tell his friend what happened the night before. He thought Gavi would be on his side but he was wrong. “I can’t believe you told her that.” Said Gavi.

“Excuse me, aren’t you my friend? Why are you taking her side?”

“Because you’re a dumbass.” Said Gavi. “How could you say that to her?”

“I was annoyed. She has been paying more attention to uni than to me.”

“What if she had told you that your career didn’t matter?” Asked Gavi. “She can’t say that.” Spat Pedri back.

Gavi rolled his eyes. “You have a problem my friend. You either show her some respect or actually if you’re going to act like this just leave her alone.”

Pedri couldn’t go home that afternoon because he was just thinking about you. He ended up driving around the city until he reached the port. He parked his car and began to walk around thinking of a way to say sorry to you. Finally he sat on a bench and made the dreaded call.

Y: hello?

P: I’m sorry.

Y: Pedro, I don-

He interrupted you.

P: I’m sorry for being an asshole. I want you to know that I - I’ll take care of you if want to. If you don’t then I won’t. But I still want to be with you.

You laughed.

P: But I - I love you Y/N. Can we please forget about last night?

Y: Pedri, I’m also sorry. I just, I miss you so much and we have been fighting on and off and I’m stressed with my exams. Maybe I overreacted.

P: Can we just forget about last night?

Y: Please.

P: Can I come pick you up?

Y: Yes.

#pedri gonzalez #pedri imagine #pedri x reader #pedri #pedri requests

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wcbweblog · 9 months

Text

WELCOME!

WHAT IS ‘WHAT COULD BE WORTH ETERNITY,?

What Could Be Worth Eternity?, or wcbwe for short, is an art/storytelling project of mine! I currently have a comic (very early stage) in-the-works, as well as some writing and other art pieces. In short, wcbwe is what I call the original universe that holds a number of stories and characters I want to share!

OH, SO THIS BLOG IS FOR THAT COMIC?

………not exactly, unfortunately. The comic is still very early in its production, and as the only person working on it, progress is slow going. I think taking the extra time will be worth it in the end, but I’m biased lol. As it stands, this blog is not specifically for the comic in the works, but when I am ready to start posting pages, this is where it’ll happen!

…ALRIGHT. THEN WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS BLOG? WHY THE COUNTDOWN, IF THE BIG PROJECT ISN’T GOING TO BE READY FOR A WHILE?

Wait, countdown? For anyone who doesn’t know, for about two months, I was doing a… daily, countdown on my main blog, and it ended today, 2023.08.28, the day this blog goes up.

To be honest – the countdown wasn’t for this. In fact I’m writing out this lil intro post the day it’s supposed to go up while at work haha! I am incredibly unprepared. The countdown was to something at work (that never ended up happening, to my knowledge), I think we were supposed to do some sort of… media blackout? Like I said, it didn’t happen, so it doesn’t really matter. But, well, a couple of my moots saw the countdown and got curious, and I thought ‘well I should do something on tumblr, too!’. So here we are. Art blog! Yup, this is an art (and sometimes writing) blog centered around the wcbwe universe. Right now the plan is to update every Monday, but that’s subject to change because I have no clue what my uni schedule is yet XD

YEAH YEAH COOL. GO BACK TO THAT COMIC FOR A MINUTE?

Ah yes. The comic. My pride and joy, should I actually manage to stick with the project. Like I said, it’s still very early in its production; only the prologue and first chapter have been scripted, and only half the prologue has been storyboarded. And it’s going to be a very long comic, so that’s not a lot. I’d prefer to have the whole thing, or almost the whole thing, storyboarded before I start making pages. If you want an estimate? I’d say it’ll be about a year or more before I can start posting pages.

OKAY, SO IF YOU WEREN’T PREPARED TO START THIS BLOG, WHY DO IT?

Well, there’s no time like the present! I need somewhere to organize my thoughts and concepts for the universe, story, and characters, and I’m hoping having a dedicated blog might motivate me to sort out my ideas haha.

*INSERT FANCY LIL PROGRESS BAR HERE*

Wow! What was the progress again? Not to worry! I’ll keep the progress updated here :]

scripted up to chapter 4

21/? pages storyboarded

0/? pages completed

IF THIS IS AN ART BLOG, WHAT KIND OF ART WILL YOU BE POSTING?

In short, anything wcbwe related! Digital art, traditional art, short writing things, animations, concept art, storyboard sketches, etc. etc. Anything I make that has to do with the wcbwe universe will end up on here eventually! Not all of it will be Quality Art TM lol

ALRIGHT, BUT WHAT’S THE STORY ABOUT?

I don’t want to get too into spoilers, especially since I don’t have most of the plot ironed out yet. Up until the comic’s production is further along, the main focus here will be on worldbuilding and designs. With that said – you might be able to put together pieces of the plot with the art provided! I’ve got a couple big pieces coming up that have some kinda major spoilers. I just don’t want to actually talk about the plot things until I know what I’m doing. With that in mind, some art might end up getting retconned in the final production. Though, there’ll be a liiiiiiiitle plot sneak peak at the end of this post. Very small :p (it comes with art!)

ASKS ARE WELCOME!

Idk haha, if you’ve got anything to say, or any questions, drop an ask! It might take me some time to answer or I might want to save it for whatever reason, but I’ll answer eventually! Oh – asks are exempt from the Monday Updates btw! I’ll answer them whenever I answer them :3

…oh yeah I should probably mention. C a t s. (also tags are in the. tags-)

Without further ado – welcome to What Could Be Worth Eternity? Let’s dive in.

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.....

….

Arceli dies.

And then she doesn’t.

#wcbwe #wcbwe art #wcbwe writing

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werewolfnick · 1 year

Text

Before I get started, I wanted to give @intothedysphoria credit for this because he was the one to think of the Billy Hargrove Autism Acceptance and Harringrove Autism Acceptance tags. I wanted to give it a try and give Billy some of my autistic traits. This might be a one time thing because I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep up with it for the entire month simply because I’ve found writing while attending a uni semester challenging.

So, welcome to my potential one-time autistic Billy Hargrove fic. Hope you enjoy.

~~~

Billy always felt like he had to mask his autistic traits and tendencies. Wasn’t allowed to show them, otherwise he would get called weird, get into trouble or to get over it. But it never really stopped him from sometimes accidentally letting his autism slip through the mask.

Today was one of those days. He couldn’t keep his mask up. Everything was just setting him off. The few people who were sniffling, the people whispering behind him, the tag on his shirt that he forgot to cut off, the person beside him was constantly picking at their nails. It was driving him mad.

No one had ever picked it up, yet Steve knew Billy was hiding it. He watched as Billy’s leg bounced up and down. Steve knew Billy was having some sensory overload.

Billy held his hands over his ears, attempting to block out the noises, but the sniffling still managed to get to him. He couldn’t deal with it anymore. It got to be too much. He got up from his seat and walked straight out of the classroom, not explaining where he was going.

“Billy, where are you going?” the teacher asked, “Billy?” She was about to go after the student, but Steve got up from his seat.

“I’ll go after him, Ms,” he said. Following his footsteps, Steve walked out of the classroom. He already knew where Billy would be. The toilets. He always ended up in the toilets. Steve began walking the toilets. There was a little bit of a distance between the classroom and the toilets, but it was something Steve was willing to deal with.

He knew this was Billy’s way of attempting to regulate again. So, walking into the male’s toilets and seeing Billy sitting on the floor, back against the wall, his knees against his chest, head against his knees, hands still over his ears and sobbing silently. Steve already knew what to do.

He walked over to Billy and sat down in front of him, crossing his legs and put his hands in his lap.

“Hey Billy,” Steve said, softly, “Are you having a sensory overload?” While he already knew the answer, he knew it was better to hear it from Billy. Billy nodded at the question.

“Is it ok if I give you a hug?” he asked, “Or are you not feeling ready for physical touch yet?” Billy shook his head.

“That’s ok,” Steve said, “Let me know when you are ready. But no pressure.” Falling silent, Billy and Steve just sat. Steve wanted to give Billy the space he needed to regulate himself.

Billy kept his head in his knees and his hands over his ears, still silently sobbing. He needed to let it all out. With every deep breath he took, he felt slightly more relaxed, yet it would take him a solid twenty minutes to regulate and calm himself.

A solid twenty minutes that Steve didn’t mind waiting. Billy lowered his hands and lifted his head, wrapping his arms around his legs. He didn’t make eye contact with Steve. He always struggled with eye contact, but Steve didn’t mind.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Hey, don’t be sorry,” Steve said, “It’s not your fault. Your brain is just wired differently to mine and everyone else's. You don’t need to apologise for a sensory overload, ok?”

Billy nodded. Steve was the only one that understood or seemed to understand. The only one to take the time to understand what was going on in Billy’s brain.

Billy uncrossed his arms and straightened his legs, reaching out his arms towards Steve.

“Are you ready for a hug?” Steve asked. Again, already knowing the answer, but he wanted to hear it from the male first. Billy nodded at the question. Steve moved into a crouch position and moved closer to the male.

As gently as he could, he wrapped his arms around Billy. Billy did the same thing, his grip a little bit tighter than Steve’s. If it wasn’t Steve, Billy wouldn’t feel accepted. All it took was one person to understand for Billy to not feel like a complete outcast and unwelcomed.

#billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove #billyhargroveautismacceptance #harringroveautismacceptance #billy antis dni #pro billy hargrove

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woniebunny · 7 months

Text

JARED CAMERON x Y/N ONESHOT

A/N: Hey guys!! It’s been a hottt minute since I posted anything. I’ve genuinely been so busy with work and uni and lots of moving 😅. Life has just been a lot and finding time to write was kinda tricky but hopefully going forward I’ll be a little better at it. I did have one user ask about me potentially writing something separate about Jared and his imprint and I actually really liked the idea and finally got around to it so hopefully you guys enjoy it!

3 weeks. 3 weeks is how long it’s been since I’ve avoided you. 3 weeks of trying to ignore how much I miss our conversations or your laugh or even just your presence. 3 weeks of pretending Im okay and feeling guilty for not being able to be honest because how do I tell the most important person in my life that I’m falling for the one person they want a chance with more than anybody else. 3 weeks of feeling like the worst best friend in the history of best friends. *Ring ring ring* and there goes the last bell signaling the end of the school day and effectively bringing me out of my thoughts. I gather and pack up all my things and start heading out the door to meet Kim as per our usual routine of walking home together. As I go to put my things in my locker I can hear someone stopping next to me. “Hey would you wanna go get ice cream on our way home?” I start asking Kim as I shut my locker only to turn and come face to face with the last person I wanted to see at the moment. Jared Cameron. “Sorry I thought you were Kim, what’s up?” He doesn’t respond for a minute or two, just continues staring at me. “Cameron?” Looks like he snapped out of whatever trance he was in. “Sorry, I was just wondering if I did something wrong or if you’re mad at me?” “Huh? No Im not, why would you ask that?” “Well I haven’t really seen or heard much from you the past weeks so I guess I was just curious” “oh guess I’ve just been busy and we haven’t really been partnered recently, but I’m not mad.” “Oh okay… cool” as he starts nodding his head and awkwardly giving me a thumbs up, it almost makes me wanna laugh as I feel my lips fighting to lift. “In that case I was wondering if…” “Y/N!!!” He pauses and I whip my head around hearing Kim yelling to me as she runs up. “Im so so sorry I got held back a few mins cause some kids were blocking the door but I’m ready if you wanna start heading home and… oh hi Jared I didn’t see you there” Kim says as I see her slyly giving me a questioning look. “Hey Kim, I was just asking her a question about history class. Hope you guys get home safe.” “Thanks! Let’s go Y/N!!” She replies as she grabs my arm and starts running to head home. I can feel him watching us as we leave but I keep my focus on Kim. It’s about a 10 minute walk, 15 since we stopped for ice cream along the way, before we reach Kim’s house and she invites me in. “Oh Y/N honey how are you? How are your parents?” Asks Ms.Connweller as we’re passing through to get to her room. “We’re good Ms. Connweller thank you for asking” “that’s good to hear, well dinner should be done in about 20 minutes if you don’t mind staying, you know we love having you over” “that sounds great Ms.Connweller thank you” “of course dear, now why don’t you girls go relax in the meantime” and that was our signal to head to Kim’s room. Soooooooo my precious Y/N, do you wanna tell me what that was about?” “Pardon? What’s what about?” “Jared Cameron talking to you by your lucky, which I’m so sorry for interrupting by the way I didn’t mean to” “no no it’s okay, like he said he was just asking about class.” “Hmmmm” “what do you mean hmmmm?” “I think he was gonna ask you out” she giggles. What. “What do you mean?” “Girl did you not notice how he was staring at you when I took you away, not to mention he was in the middle of talking to you, and it’s not like you genuinely talk to anybody beside Embry and I… so yeah all clues are pointing to him asking you out! Oooooohh this is so exciting, I’ve never seen you go on a date it’d be so fun to dress you up!” What. The. Hell?? “You’d want me to say yes to Cameron? Seriously Kim?” I ask staring at her like she’s crazy. Isn’t she in love with him? Is this a trick?? Why would she be happy? “Well I mean if he asks you then yeah! It’s about time you get a boyfriend and he looks like he’s genuinely into you which a green card in my books” “wait but aren’t you into him Kim? Wouldn’t that be wrong..?” “Huh? Girl I just thought he was cute like major eye candy like Embry for example but I’m not actually into him haha” she starts laughing.

“Wait did you think I was genuinely in love with him?” “Uhh.. yes?” I answered more like a question unsure of what’s happening. “Lmaooo girl nooo eye candy haha he’s all yours if you want him. Besides I’m talking to Axel at the moment I thought you knew?” Oh. My. God. “Oh” “wait, is that why you’ve been avoiding him since your guys group project? Awwww you’re such a sweet best friend but seriously if you don’t get with that boy I will slap you cause he’s very obviously in love with you” “I was cause I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship and mess things up” “and I appreciate that and guarantee it won’t even if I did like him like that you should know I’d never make you choose. You’re my sister Y/N forever and always and I love you and support you no matter what. So please please please do me the big favor of getting with him” “hahaha okay Kim, I love you too, forever and always” “Girls dinner is ready!” Ms.Connweller yells from downstairs. “I’m glad we had this talk now idk about you but I’m starving, let’s go eat!”

The next day at school as I’m standing by my locker again I feel someone stop next to me. Now knowing that Kim was 100% okay with anything happening between Jared and I, I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Maybe that’s why I don’t hesitate to close my locker and immediately turn “Hey Jared, what’s up?” “Hey Y/N, I know this is kinda random but we got interrupted yesterday and I was just wondering if maybe you know you would like to go out with me?” He rambles really quick and closes his eyes and turns his head like he’s waiting for me to yell at him. “Like a date?” “Huh? Oh yeah, uh like a uh date? If that’s okay?” “Okay” “Wait okay? Like okay yes?” “Yes Cameron lol okay yes. I’d love to go on a date with you” he starts smiling and practically bouncing in place “oh oh my god, I, wow, oh you actually said yes I am so happy I promise I will make it the best date ever okay I will see you later!” He goes to leave but I stop him “hey Cameron, don’t you kinda need my number to tell me when and what time the date is and to find out where to pick me up?” “Oh yeah, sorry I got excited” as he sheepishly scratches the nape of his neck and handed me his phone. After putting in my number and watching him excitedly leave almost tripping over another student when he turns to wave at me one last time, I don’t stop myself from letting out a laugh and smiling this time. I just know he’s going to make me the happiest girl in the world and the best part is I didn’t even have to go looking for him. I guess I have the moon goddess to thank for that.

#twilight #wolfpack #wolfpack x reader #jared cameron #uley pack #twilight x you #twilight x reader

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rushingheadlong · 2 years

Note

I’d be super interested to read your thoughts on Brian’s relationship with his father!

(always appreciate your insightful commentary, even if I am mostly a lurker in the fandom over here lol)

Mmm, so okay there’s gonna be a huge disclaimer on this post because I need to be very clear that nothing I write here should be taken as indisputable “fact” about Brian’s relationship with his father. I have a lot of thoughts and opinions about things, just from spending the past few years consuming any interview with Brian that I can find, but at the end of the day this is all just speculation and it’s important that we all remember that.

With that out of the way, a lot of my thoughts about Brian and Harold’s relationship revolve around the tension that exists between Harold’s role as a father and the friend-figure that he often was when Brian was a child.

To summarize what I said in my other comment earlier, Harold not only actively encouraged all of Brian’s major hobbies as a kid but participated in them with him. He was the one who got Brian into photography, music, and astronomy. He bought him his first telescope, showed him how to develop photos, and built the Red Special with him. The impression I’ve always gotten is that Brian intentionally chose to spend a lot of his free time in the evenings with his father, rather than being forced to do so, because Brian speaks incredibly fondly of those times. And we also know that Harold was an incredibly intelligent man in his own right and he pushed Brian to excel academically, which of course he did.

So we start to get a picture of Brian’s childhood where his home life and a large portion of his out-of-school socialization is dominated by his father and their interactions, and on the whole Brian seems to think positively about this time… possibly because it’s a time where Brian is receiving praise and validation for pursuing interests that Harold already has and achieving all of the academic goals that Harold wants him to reach. Basically, you can make the argument that he’s living the life that his father wants him to live and so their relationship is good.

And then Brian goes to university, and everything sort of goes to shit.

Because once he’s at uni, he stops doing exclusively what Harold wants him to do. And suddenly Harold isn’t his quasi-friend, he’s Brian’s father trying to put his foot down - and Brian tells him no.

Brian has said several times that the falling-out they had over Queen was exacerbated by their stubbornness, and that he was too much like his father to back down and reconcile if Harold wasn’t going to apologize too. They went nearly two years without speaking to each other and, genuinely, I think that did irreparable damage to their relationship on several levels even after they made up again.

The first is obviously that Harold’s feelings about Queen… didn’t entirely change. In fact I would argue that Harold never accepted Brian as a musician, he only accepted that Brian’s choices were making him money. In the George Tremlett book from 1976, when asked about Brian’s future, Harold talks as if the band won’t continue and explicitly says that Brian should finish his thesis and maybe build a private research laboratory if he has the money. And Brian has talked in Queen in 3D about wowing his parents with the car he was able to buy, and impressing them with the Concorde flight to NYC with room service at the hotel and the whole nine yards even though he didn’t have the money to do that because he wanted them to think that he really had “made it” as a rockstar.

That isn’t to say that Harold hated Queen or anything like that, but I don’t think he ever thought “Yes this is the best thing for my son to do with his life” and rather came around to a position of, “The music isn’t bad and as long as he’s earning a living off it then I’ll leave it be”. He clearly supported Brian enough to go to shows and track their tour itineraries on maps but he never gave up hope that Brian would leave music and return to his studies.

The second is that part of their rift wasn’t only over Queen, but over Brian’s relationship with Chrissie. They were living together at the time, and had been for several years, but weren’t married yet. Brian has explicitly said that Harold found that to be “immoral” and was extremely against it, and he's also made less-explicit comments about feeling extremely pressured to propose to Chrissie during this time.

Personally - and I have no direct evidence to support this - I suspect that Brian’s and Harold’s reconciliation process was a bit of a negotiation. Not in any sort of formal way at all, obviously, but I can very easily see Brian thinking, “If he can accept the band, the least I can do is finally make an honest woman out of Chrissie so he’s not upset about us living together.” and proposing from there despite the fact that his cheating would seem to suggest that he wasn’t entirely ready to commit to her.

The reason I suspect this is because Brian has talked before about feeling pressured to live up to Harold’s expectations of what a father and husband “should be”. Harold was an incredibly traditional patriarch and tried to distill those same values in Brian, without much success. Brian has talked about feeling like he was expressing himself, his masculinity, and his heterosexuality all “wrong” because he felt pressured to perform those things in a way that did not come naturally to him, and how he struggled with readjusting to family life after tours because he couldn’t be the head of household like Harold was.

The final reason I think their falling-out did lasting damage to their relationship is because Harold didn’t give Brian any explanations at first for why he had been so eager to build the guitar but so angry about Brian actually using it. It was only much later on that he finally admitted to Brian that he had wanted to be in a band himself after he got out of the RAF but Ruth was already pregnant so he had to set aside the musician dreams in order to support his new family. To quote Brian directly here from this interview, “I realised then that he’d found it hard to accept my choice because it was a dream he’d been forced to reject.”

So now we have several layers of Harold living, or trying to live, vicariously through his son. And while I don’t want to accuse Harold of being a bad man or a bad father… it’s really not great that his reaction to Brian getting to live the dream that he couldn’t was to not speak to him for nearly two years. That’s such a huge and abrupt change in personality and opinion that it probably fundamentally changed how Brian viewed the support he had gotten from his father up to that point. (Like, if Brian didn’t realize then that Harold only supported him when he was doing what Harold wanted I would be shocked.)

Also in terms of changes in opinion, I want to add in another quote from Brian from that same interview about talking to his mum after his father died: “Mum told me they’d had a difficult relationship. But as a kid I had no idea, it just felt like a secure and loving home. She felt she’d just submerged herself in Dad, as wives did in those days. She made up for it much later, getting a job in a chemist’s and turning into this great, social person.”

Ruth wasn’t allowed a license or a job while Harold was alive, and Brian’s phrasing of her “turning into this great, social person” here is… concerning to me, tbh. I really do not want to accuse Harold of being abusive because we have exactly zero evidence that he was - but he was absolutely a product of his time and held very deep-seated opinions about gender and familial roles. And once Brian became aware of more of the ways in which those opinions manifested, I think he struggled to reconcile that against his foundational image of his father which is probably rooted more in their shared hobbies than his conservative views.

I think Harold May was probably a man who, thanks to the time period he grew up in, viewed Brian and Ruth as being “his” and expected them to do what he wanted them to do. I think that as a child Brian was largely unaware of this dynamic, due in part to the fact that his own interests aligned heavily with his father’s, and so I think Brian grew up very much loving his father and wanting to do anything to make him proud.

I also think they never had that sort of relationship again after their falling-out. I think once Brian saw first-hand how stubborn, possibly even controlling, his father could be that it fundamentally changed their relationship even after they reconciled - but like with a lot of people, I think a large part of Brian kept trying to make his father proud of him anyway. And I think Brian did that by trying to demonstrate his financial security and by trying to be the husband/father that Harold expected him to be, even to the detriment of his own marriage and mental well-being.

And I think that as Brian has aged himself his understanding of his father has changed in ways that are often messy and difficult for him to articulate. I think Harold left him with a lot more questions than answers, especially as Brian has made several comments over the years about wishing that Harold was still around to ask him about things. I think in some ways Brian struggles to balance an understanding that Harold was a product of his time with just wishing that Harold had been in some ways a different, or better, man.

I think Brian has spent a large portion of his life chasing his father’s approval, with varying degrees of success, and I think he regrets a lot of that when he looks back on things now.

But underneath everything else is still the seven-year-old being taught chords on his first acoustic guitar and the twelve-year-old helping to develop photos and the sixteen-year-old hand-carving an old fireplace mantel into what will be the Red Special… And I think that largely Brian considers the friend who was there for all of that to be a different person to the father he fell out with, and that Brian has spent the roughly 47 years since their reconciliation trying to fit together a coherent mental image of Harold again.

#ramblings #brian #long post //#ask #I'm not putting this in brian's tag lmfao we'll see how long I even keep this rebloggable #I cannot overstate enough that this is entirely conjecture #I do not know the inner workings of Brian's mind or how he really feels about any of this #that should be obvious but just in case it isn't...

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laladellakang · 2 years

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may i request when della is on the urge of leaving the group for some reason but the boys comfort her to not? idk how to explain.

y’all i had an epiphany. after posting small drabbles on della’s second acc (18+!) and realising that i can write full on papers for uni within one night, I SHOULD BE ABLE TO WRITE DRABBLES/MINI CHAPTERS IN A JIFF

i hope i can actually do this but i’m not gonna force myself, kay?

“I’m so sorry, guys,” Alice sniffled. She couldn’t stop crying. Her dream of becoming a singer is now long gone. She’s going back home and virtually becoming a mother.

“Don’t apologise, noona,” Jungwon rubbed her shoulder. “It couldn’t be helped. You’re doing the right thing. It takes a lot of guts.”

“Good luck with everything,” Della was staring at her fingers. She was in shock, she couldn’t even cry.

“Yeah. Good luck guys,” she suddenly let out.

“What?” everyone turned to her in confusion.

“You’ll probably work better as a boy group anyw-”

“No. Fucking. Way, Della. No,” Jay’s voice was hard. He was almost angry, but he was far more hurt. “We lost one member, we can’t lose you too.”

“What group has seven male members and only one gir-”

“Us! Enhypen! We have seven boys and one girl,” Heeseung sounded desperate. “Della, we can’t lose you too. We can’t.”

“They need you, Delle. You can’t just leave,” Alice’s heart clenched even more.

“Seven boys and one girl! We won’t even be considered as a co-ed group! You won’t be placed into an award show-”

“That doesn’t fucking matter!” Sunoo’s voice boomed, surprising everyone. “Della. We. Need. You. We can barely do this without noona, how are we gonna do this without one more member?” his voice cracked in the end.

Niki wanted to say something. He didn’t want Della to leave but he didn’t know what he can say that hasn’t been said yet.

“Don’t leave, Lala. Please,” so he chose to hug her tight.

“I swear- Della- you worked so hard to get here. You can’t just leave because of something as simple as ‘there’s no such thing as a group with all boys and one girl,’” Jake can’t look up from the floor. “I-Land only had four girls among twenty-three boys. There’s a possibility of having only one girl to debut from the start.”

“But you still didn’t-”

“I’m so sorry Delle but if you leave too, I swear to God, I will never forgive myself,” Alice stared into her eyes. “I’m really, really sorry it had to be this way but please. Don’t give up your dream just because I have to with mine,” and that’s when it hit Della.

“No. You’re not making it about you,” Sunghoon said firmly before she could say anything. “Yes it’s noona’s issue but right now, it involves you too. You’re not being selfish,” he knows her too well.

“I-” Della kept blinking back the tears after that. “I’m so sorry,” she sniffled and wiped the few tears that escaped. “You’re right. I can’t. So many people wished to be in my position and it’s unfair for me to quit just like that.”

“I love you, Delle. You’re gonna be amazing,” Alice immediately hugged her (also making Niki let go). “You need to live my dream on. I’ll feel content with just seeing you succeed.”

“Okay, unnie. I will. I’m sorry,” Della hugged her tighter. “But no matter what, Enhypen will forever be nine.”

taglist! @afiaaaa19 @riikiblr @one16core @4sahii @toriluvsfics @i90snoo @danyxthirstae01 @seulgifted @hiqhkey @nichmeddar @jiwlys @duolingofanaccount [@studioreader @sarang-wonie @fairydosii @hoonstrology @jaetint @clar-iii]

#kang della #requests #enhypen ff #enhypen reactions #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x oc #8th member of enhypen #enhypen 8th member #enhypen oc #enhypen added member #enhypen eigth member #enhypen female addition #enhypen female member #kpop added member #kpop oc #enhypen female oc #enhypen imagines #enhypen poly fic #enhypen poly

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eureka-its-zico · 8 months

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Hiiiii, I’m 🧀 baaack. I felt an energy disturbance in the Force and turns out there is a sneak peek for the next chapter and oh my God… I choked on my tea 🫠😂

I was HOPING for a conversation like that. And I did think Nami would be the one who would point something like that out to Zoro too. Idk, Nami just seems like the person who’d give the best advise 🤷🏻‍♀️

And honestly, something about dancing in fics whilst the guy watches just hits different for me. I am sappy and just melt at parts where the the guy’s interest makes an absolute fool of themselves on the dancefloor (think it’s because I dance like an absolute fool too 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 It’s all about having fun!!!).

I am so looking forward for the next part and it’s so hard with this Zoro brain rot that I’ve been having 🫠😂 I have a course assignment to submit before end of Thursday and then I have a midterm that I can take whenever from Friday until Tuesday and just… I have to admit, I even started writing again to deal with this obssession that I have been having 🤦‍♀️ I cannot say I’ve been productive when it comes to a lot of my adult responsibilities…

As for Tumblr in 2009 - I have to admit, I was a teenager then and didn’t care too much about Tumblr then 😂 I was active between 2011-2012 and going crazy for a lot of bands so my dash before the purge was… a lot of bands that I am not really listening to anymore, BUT it was a lovely trip down the memory lane. It wasn’t fun to remember how cringe of a teenager I was tho 😂 I’ve been on and off Tumblr for years, I have to admit. And I keep coming back to it at times where life gets a bit too hard.

Last time I sent in the ask, I wasn’t doing well and I still am not the best mentally though I’ll get there. Thank you for your kind words, they meant a lot to me over the weekend ❤️

The cherry on top, and this is funny to me because life sometimes gets ridiculous, was last night when my keyboard and mouse put up their middle fingers and stopped working at the same time whilst I was in the middle of something 😂 And not to the point that I need to replace batteries or charge them, but actually replace them 🤣 It’s alright though, I work in tech and I have learned that technology does this to me out of sheer spite 🤷🏻‍♀️

This sneak peek has brought me such joy and I am smiling like a fool and I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep again tonight 😂

Thank you for sharing this with us! And I hope you are having a lovely start to your week! ❤️

Osiyo oginalii,

How wonderful it is to hear from you!!! I love that you used a Star Wars reference in relation to knowing I had posted something 🤣 but I am sorry it made you choke on your tea (this also feels like a low key st reference).

Nami really is the best person to bring that kind of stuff up. She’s the most observant of the crew, because she has so much to lose in her mind. So, it’s made her hyper aware of everything around her. Luffy was just a wildcard she never saw coming. I feel like she’s always trying to get a read on everybody, and because of that she just notices what others might be trying to hide. Like feelings 😬

I am like you! I have been struggling to complete all my uni work because I’m having my first lung procedure this Friday. So, I’ve been struggling to do all my homework before then and also work on publishing this week before I’m out for the weekend. IF you do write something, please let me know. I would absolutely love to read whatever you create 🖤

It makes me sad you are still having a hard time, but just know I am here for you. I know it isn’t much, but if there is anything I can do to help keep your mind off it or make you feel a tad better I will always do my best. I sincerely hope this week is kinder to you in some regard.

If my keyboard or anything went out on my computer I would DIE. I spent 2k+ plus on that thing to play games, and I would cry tears of pure agony. Tell your mouse and keyboard we have absolutely no time for this foolishness and that they need to get it together ASAP.

I hope you got some sleep these past few days! Your health is so important! Again, I am sending you all the hugs. Much love 🖤

#thecheesyreader #answered #Chaos in Their Bones review #I am sorry it took me so long to get to my inbox #it’s been a stressful and trying few days

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puyoginge · 1 year

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What's been going on with me.

3 years later I’ve decided to resurrect my Tumblr because it is my sanctuary and the social media ever. I disbanded twitter because it makes me angry all the time and for the sake of preserving my dwindling adult sanity. lol.

You may remember me from my few posts under the username yaboinate28. very 2018 lol. I posted a lot of trans / general mental health relatable stuff to manage my struggle with gender dysphoria and hopefully connect with others who felt the same as me. If you want to get a taste of what's been going on since then then please do read on below!! (TW mental health stuff)

WHY I LEFT

Some time in 2020 I purged all my trans posts, removing all my incentive to return to this new decade apocalypse of a site. I guess was feeling really insecure about the discordance between my Tumblr open-transness (??) and my irl extreme stealth thang. I was chronically worried about people from my real life finding my account basically.

Much of my stuff was very Tumblr cringe and probably stuff you’ve seen before but there were a couple of self help posts that were actually insanely good resources for coping with gender dysphoria (particularly in the early stages of social transition) which I seriously regret deleting. I remember a lot of my memes “blowing up” which made me feel really special and like I could contribute something to the world. As a young teenager struggling with self harm and severe depression as well as navigating my life within a home that outright rejected my trans identity, my Tumblr was my lifeline, the people I met made me feel hopeful for the future, and seeing people reblog with “I needed to hear this” or “thanks so much for posting” meant everything to me.

But its important for me to address that I’m not the person I was back then, !!and whilst I'll be attempting to find and repost some of those self help resources!!, I probably won’t be posting about my trans experience much anymore other than within this entry. But please please reach out if you need someone who’s been through it to talk to. I’d love to support you however i can!! I’m only a message away.

LIFE STUFF

Since 2019 my attitude on life has changed a lot and whilst coping with my mental health issues are still a daily hurdle, I’ve found myself a groove in which to sit and ride the wave. Essentially I’m managing and I’m happy and able to maintain a positive outlook on life, which is good. Additionally, with time my family have softened to my trans identity. Its not perfect, but I’m not at risk. I love my family and I don’t blame them for their actions, I’m just taking it slow.

Passed my GCSES with flying colours, passed my A-levels with regular colours, and I'm going to uni. Life has continued and its good. And whilst I would rather eat my own shit than go back and relive the days when my mum had to force me me out the door to get me to go to school, I made it through every last day. That's fucking badass, and tbh I'm pretty resilient now because of it lol.

I guess my point is (crass warning) see the joy in what you have. Take life day by day. Don’t let yourself take the easy route, because then you’ll learn how fucking strong you are. And you are stronger than you think even if all your cards are stacked against you.

TRANSITION STUFF

Since the last time we spoke I’ve legally transitioned, and am (at the time of writing) dealing with the initial admin of medical transition. I’ve been speaking regularly with a gender specialist therapist for 2 years. more recently I’ve been exploring my gender expression with my new found freedom. AND I’m in a relationship with someone who is beautiful and kind and couldn’t be more supportive of me (I adore them). And.... I’m still as stealth as ever. Just as resistant to say “yAYYyy i’m trAns!!!” as I’ve always been. I fucking love it. Some things never change lol. As I said family are being dragged by the tail along with me and have warmed to the whole thing. Support is not the word, but acceptance is pretty apt. They both realise it’s always been “me” at this point and that's enough for the time being.

WHO I AM NOW

I’m now an adult (wtf so surreal????) I have allowed my passion for retro gaming to flourish, recently got super fucking into rhythm games, developed a healthy collection of games and consoles which I may post about perhaps. Resurrected my love for anime, particularly dumb slice of life shows and Madoka Magica (all hail you beautiful broken masterpiece of infinite spinoff potential)

I found my interest in psychology (wowwww surprise!!) Got a job, found some friends, told some people a long overdue fuck off. And rounded myself into a much more open minded person than I used to be.

I couldn’t care less how many people read this, mainly I’m doing it for me. To provide myself a clean slate and stuff. But if you do read this, and you used to enjoy my silly little posts or find them helpful or whatever: I hope you’re well, I’m glad you stuck around and I hope you stay :)

#trans #transmasc #transfem #transgender #trans love #gay #pride #lgbt #life #non binary

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roseofdarknessblog · 1 year

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I just need to rant a bit about mental health, feel free to ignore and continue having a lovely day ❤️

Okay, so... I just spent the entire day feeling sick from all the anxiety that doesn't let me catch a break for days now. I can't remember the last time I slept for more than two-three hours without waking up from an awful dream. I can't focus on studying and that makes me even more anxious since my thesis defense and state exam are on Monday. I know nothing, literally nothing... like I look at the questions and read through my notes and it feels like I've never seen them before (which is definitely not true).

And when I tried to talk to the only two people in my life I trust enough to tell them when my anxiety is this bad... they just brushed me off? Like okay, I know it's not a big deal for YOU, but I'm feeling like I am about to die from all that stress. Even my meds decided to give up on me and aren't helping anymore.

I know that feeling like this is my fault, I am the one making this unnecessary hard for myself, but I just can't stop. Can't shut up my thought. It's like... I know that if I fail, it's not the end of the world, nobody is going to die because of it, my whole future doesn't depend solely on this and I can try again in August. But at the same time, my anxiety is here screaming at me that if I don't pass the exam now everything is doomed and I will just embarrass myself in front of my professors, classmates and family.

And I just... I can't do this anymore. I don't want to. I never thought that my five years at uni would mentally destroy me this much. So many bad things happened (in school and in my personal life as well) and I've never felt worse than these past five years. I miss the old me, who almost always had straight A's, who was top of the class in many subjects and who was able to study and focus for hours. I miss that version of me, who had many big dreams for the future and somehow I feel sorry for the girl I once was because I know I failed her in so many ways.

So... yeah... I'll just leave this here for the future me. I hope one day I can look back at this post and just shake my head with a smile. But right now it really doesn't feel like anything is going to be okay ever again.

#cw: mental health #cw: anxiety #personal

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theuniversitychallengereview · 2 years

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UC 52.3 - LSE vs Univ, Oxford

It is raining and it took me forty five minutes to get back from Tesco after work and I have no idea how I usually start these. I’m trying to think about the opening paragraph from any of the hundreds of such posts I’ve made over the past five years, but I genuinely don’t have a clue. I know I don’t usually start by talking about the weather, or the duration of my commute, though I may well have done that at some point.

Surely it's really simple and I just talk about the teams, but I tried typing out ‘University College, Oxford are two-time winners of University Challenge’ and it felt far too formal for some reason. However, my mini-meltdown appears to have obfuscated that formality as far as I’m concerned, so I’ll press on from here and say that they were also beaten finalists on two occasions.

All four of these appearances in the Grand Final came with Bamber Gascoigne as host, making them the most successful team of that era. A bunch of other teams also won two trophies, but no one else came so close to winning a further two on top of that. Even more impressively, these four finals came from only five appearances.

The only blot on their record is that University College is an objectively silly name. No one is going around calling their higher education institution College University, so why are these jokers getting away with the opposite. And before you say, UCL is different. I don’t know why, it just is.

And speaking of initialised institutions, University College are up against LSE tonight, with their London rivals reaching the final in 1996. A semi final followed two years later, before a barren spell which has seen them make the quarter finals only once in the past twenty four years.

I was about to write a whole spiel about how this was remarkably poor form from one of the countries biggest Unis, but I thought I’d check exactly how big it was and found that it was in fact pretty tiny, ranking 89th on the list of largest enrollments. So its a good job I checked that, or I’d have made a right fool of myself.

Just above them on the list in 85th is Roehampton University, which has never been on the show, although it did feature on the recent University Challenge documentary, with a former contestant training up a prospective team. And delightfully, when I just searched this on Twitter, I found a tweet from one of the members of their team, confirming that they made it onto the show this year! I really hope that wasn’t revealed on the doc, because this feels sort of like a scoop, and its very rare I get to make scoops with this blog. So look out for Roehampton when they’re on at the end of November!

Anyway, that’s quite enough award-winning investigative journalism for one night - here’s your first starter for ten.

Off we go then, and the first thing to note is that LSE counterparts Ede and Balt are both wearing the same top, although Ede appears to have ripped the sleeves off of their one. Second thing to note is the presence of Wallop on the Univ team - we are well and truly off and running with both funky names and funky garb. An auspicious start.

Univ are the youngest team in the competition with an average age of 19, and their inexperience shows on the opening question as Hassan is able to snag ten points for LSE with Holmes and Watson. A bit before Univ’s time, that. Bless them. Two bonuses on tall structures followed for LSE, though they mixed up Lincoln and York cathedrals for the hat-trick.

Their lead doesn’t last for long though, and Wallop wallops Univ right into the game with a quick buzz. Bonuses on the use of ukuleles in movies follow, giving us a brilliant bit of phraseology from Paxman and the question setters - ‘woos a lady with his ukulele’. Both sides then miss a relatively easy starter on golf, before Cunanan hears the word orangutan and buzzes in instantly with Borneo.

No one gets the first picture starter either, though Hassan gives the same answer I did. TO be fair to us both, it kinda did look like a picture of the Black Sea. Cunanan gives Anne of Cleves to get the picture bonuses, and despite being told that all of the answers are gulfs they somehow contrived to give the Adriatic Sea as a guess. We’ve all been there.

The Oxonians have a thirty point lead at this stage, but Balt slices this up with Brighton Pavilion, pausing for exactly the same length of time as I did between the two words. We all associate the Green Party with Brighton, but it does just seem a bit silly for an entire constituency to be contained within a pavilion, doesn’t it? The bonuses have a question about a King Charles, but not the same one who has been in the news recently, and LSE are back within ten points.

However, this was the closest they would get for the rest of the game. Both sides missed a starter which mentioned tofu - Ede, who looks pretty vegan, buzzed in with a guess, but got the wrong salt - then Cunanan came in with his third starter of the night (and not to pat myself on the back too hard, but at this point in my notetaking I wrote ‘Cunanan is giving quiet Monkman vibes’. He would go on to take eight over the course of the match, so I think I can count myself as a pretty decent talent spotter. It's not quite a second scoop of the day, but it comes pretty close).

There is talk of a board game called Wingspan which sounds absolutely fantastic, but no one gets the question it relates to. Another for Cunanan brings up the music round, which is on trombone solos. I’m always a bit disinterested by the classical music questions, because I usually only get them by guessing, but I played the trombone for many years and recognised the Rimsky-Korsakov bonus like an old pro. Finally it comes into its own. I can only bemoan the lack of Guilmant’s Morceau Symphonique (a real deep cut, that, for all you bone fans out there).

A rare slip up from Cunanan offered LSE the chance to get back into the match, but they couldn’t capitalise and the Univ skipper was able to make up for his mistake on the very next starter. He’s delighted by the second picture round, which is on dinosaur skeletons, and has a little fist bump to himself before the pictures come up, but sadly it's an incredibly easy set (diplodocus, allosaurus and stegosaurus) so he isn’t able to showcase what I presume is immense expertise on the subject. Quick sidebar on the topic - my gf and I won a tub of hot chocolate mix from a pub quiz last Wednesday for drawing a gang of velociraptors at a concert. We may not have won the quiz, but by golly did we draw some weird looking velociraptors.

Some more points find their way to LSE courtesy of a rapid buzz from Ede on trigonometry, but like the ugly step-sisters trying to fit into Cinderella’s slipper after she’s already been discovered by the Prince, it's too little too late (I’m not sure if that actually happens at the end of Cinderella, but I’m too pleased with the simile to change it).

Final Score: LSE 110 - 175 University, Oxford

Had a lot more fun writing this one than the last two - I’ve even forgotten I was stuck in traffic for an age on the way home - so I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it. As ever, if you did, you can subscribe in a clicky-box somewhere on this website to ensure you’ll never miss an episode! If you’re reading this on Tumblr then the website I’m talking about is quizposting.com, and I’d be delighted to see you over there too. Thanks.

#university challenge #bbc2 #lse #university college oxford #jeremey paxman

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