#I don't think I've ever felt so completely motivated in my life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

genericpuff · 3 months

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Hey puff you have a day job right? How do you keep the motivation/discipline to create comics regularly and be an active blogger?

I've mentioned this a few times before and generally try to be as transparent as possible as I can when it comes to my real life circumstances and how they affect - and allow - my comic production schedule, because when it comes right down to it, I'm in a very privileged position that allows me certain luxuries that other comic creators simply don't have. And I don't really like the idea of someone seeing what I do and like... thinking that's a bar they have to meet because it often comes with a complete misinterpretation of what circumstances I'm in that may vary extremely from their own. Y'all are seeing a tip of a very large iceberg, y'know?

I do have a day job, I work as a tattoo artist, however my schedule is very much my own to control and while that comes with a lot of pressure to find my own work, it also allows for me to have flexibility with my other projects. That said, I'm only able to be that flexible because when I'm making money, I'm making really decent money (and with far less hours than I would need to make my living if I was working in retail still) and when I'm not, I've got a partner who makes a more consistent living that may have a much smaller hourly than what I get hourly for tattooing, but is still a decent hourly compared to minimum wage that he's able to handle bills while I get back on my feet (and there have been tons of times where our situations have been reversed, where I've been making good money and he's been needing extra help; it's honestly kind of some cosmic prank, the two of us can never seem to be doing financially well at the same time lmao)

Right now, we're just starting to come out of a slow winter season, so I've had more time than ever to sink into my personal projects. It does get stressful at times having such inconsistent payouts through the ebbs and flows of tattooing, but I try to be at peace with those slow seasons because it allows me to work on my passion projects. Especially when I've got not one, not two, but three separate tattoo expos (so far) to do this summer, which is gonna be (hopefully) three separate 30 hour weekends of straight tattooing haha And while I say hopefully (because yay good money and good publicity!) it's also gonna be extremely stressful and exhausting so I'm trying not to take the slower season for granted, because I know I'll be wishing for it again when I'm in the midst of it. And that's not even including all the other events I have booked this year that are purely for vendoring (so unrelated to tattooing) that are also gonna be crazy.

That said, the past couple years have felt particularly hard, but I know it's because we're unfortunately in the midst of a massive economic recession that has seen people spending less on luxury things - and that includes tattoos. But my comics and other personal projects give me a great outlet for my ideas and thoughts, and while projects like Rekindled are unfortunately not something I feel comfortable monetizing, they are ultimately projects that bring me a lot of joy and I think that's the best I can ask for nowadays while I wait in the hopes that things get better soon in the real world.

As for getting that motivation/discipline, I don't really have one solid answer. The reality is just that I've been doing this for a long, long time, so not drawing comics feels like not doing any other established good habit. What you may feel wondering how I manage to work so long on a single comic project with such hefty updates is undoubtedly pretty close to what I feel wondering how the fuck people manage to go to the gym LOL It's taken a lot of routine building and repetition and it's as natural as breathing to me at this point, I just feel gross when I've gone a day without drawing comics in some form. That routine has helped me get better and faster at creating as well. When I started my first long-form comic series, I started out just drawing a page a day - often taking 3-4 weeks to complete a chapter - and by the time it was done 7 years later, I was putting out a chapter a week. And then that turned into 60-90 panels of full color art a week... nah, I don't recommend anyone do that on their own like I did, I can't even do that anymore and looking back I'm in shock how I was able to pull that off, and not in an amazed "why can't I do that anymore, I used to be so awesome!" way, but more in a "oh god why did I do that to myself, no wonder I'm burnt out" way.

And honestly that's kind of the reality of it, while I'm putting out consistent updates of Rekindled that are in full color and are - in my opinion - some of the best work I've put out in the last few years, I'm also struggling to rebuild habits with my original project because I've simply fallen out of practice. I'm one person responsible for all the work I've put out, and yet when it comes to looking at the projects I still have sitting on the backburner, I still feel a sort of internalized version of Person A looking at Person B and asking "how the hell do you do it???" just like you're asking me now lol I'm working on it though and trying to get back to it little by little, day by day. On rare occasions I actually get something productive done and make progress LOL

That said, none of it has come without consequences. I've spent the majority of my artistic journey working on the same project which I feel has severely stunted my outreach and set me back in my growth; after all, we only ever see and judge the merit of webcomic projects based on the 1% of people who got lucky and achieved some semblance of fame and recognition out of it, you never see the people who have spent years still picking away at the same project from the bottom with little to show for it besides the work that's going unseen. I've also already got way more back and hip pain than one should have by their late 20's and that's definitely a consequence of spending so many hours every single day working on comics. As much as I've built some great habits that have made my comics and art better, I've also ended up with some very bad ones that a lot of people don't see because all they see is the results from the good ones. So that's something that I hope I can at least warn people about, even as a reminder to stand up and stretch every now and then and get their proper amount of sleep LMAO

And then when it comes to the blogging... I'm an AuDHD person with a lot to say and I can type at 137/wpm. So that's all there is to that ♡( ◡‿◡ )

#ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything #lore rekindled #lore rekindled ama

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jedi-enthusiast · 4 months

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Similar Stories, Different Treatments: Anakin Skywalker and Abijah Fowler

Ok, so recently I've been re-watching 'Blue Eye Samauri' on Netflix and last night it dawned on me that, generally speaking, Abijah Fowler and Anakin Skywalker have very similar stories and actions...and yet their respective fandoms react to the two of them very differently.

So, here's my long ass post analyzing the two of them and why people react to them so differently.

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First, comparing the two characters...

So, assuming that y'all know me for my Star Wars content, you probably know Anakin's story but, for the sake of this post, I'll explain it briefly.

Anakin was born into slavery and lived as a slave for 9 years. Then one day he and his mother met two Jedi and a handmaiden, and his mother asked the Jedi to take Anakin and train him---which they agreed to do, so Anakin had to leave his mother. At 19 he had nightmares about and then witnessed his mother's death when he went back to Tatooine before being promptly drafted into war along with the rest of the Jedi by the Senate. After a harrowing 3 years of war and having his worst behaviors enabled/encouraged by the villain and his wife, Anakin begins to have nightmares about his pregnant wife dying. He then tries to prevent her dying, even though she's in perfect health.

We know a little less about Abijah Fowler's past, but we do know an integral part of it from this monologue:

"My country's history is one of manufactured suffering. I was a boy when the Tudors burned any food the rebels under O'Neill might think to eat. We starved. Everyone starved. Mouths on the dead stained green from chewing nettles---you get resourceful in a famine. My parents died early, left me and my sister catching rats. The rats ran out quick. Fed my sister on my blood, it kept her alive an extra two weeks. I didn't sleep for three days to protect her body from the starving 'til the ground thawed. I cut out her kidneys and buried her, fat cap on them like a pea. I haven't eaten a single meal since my mind didn't go to that bite. It was the last thing I ever did because I had to. I control my life now, every bite."

-----

From my point of view, Anakin and Abijah are very similar in their motivations.

Both of them started out as, assumedly, sweet and kind and caring young boys. You don't harm yourself to feed your sister and then cause more harm to yourself to protect her after she's already dead, if you're not. Similarly, you don't bring three complete strangers into your home because you're worried about them and then risk your life to help them, if you're not.

Both of them then went through great tragedies and likely felt completely powerless because of these tragedies and the circumstances they found themselves in.

For Abijah it was growing up during a famine, witnessing the horrors of famine and what people had to do during it, witnessing the deaths of his parents, being unable to stop the death of his sister, and being forced into cannibalism---of his sister and likely parents, no less---to prevent himself from starving. For Anakin it was growing up as a slave, having to leave his mother at a young age, witnessing his mother's death, and then being thrust into a war and witnessing the horrors of that.

Because of that powerlessness, both Anakin and Abijah hate the idea of them being powerless and their actions are made from a mix of anger at whoever they blame for what has happened---whether they're actually to blame, or whether they've done nothing---and refusal to ever be powerless again, or at least accept that they're powerless.

These motivations led them both to commit- (Anakin) -or attempt to commit- (Abijah) -mass murder, *genocide, **cultural genocide, and murder of their female main character counterpart.

*Abijah wasn't necessarily setting out to commit physical genocide, but he was willing to do so if the people of Japan weren't willing to go along with his plans.

**I do consider Abijah's plans as including cultural genocide, since he has a whole monologue about the people of Japan being "godless" and how he'd force them into Christianity- (Catholicism?) -if he succeeded in killing the Shogunate.

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Now, comparing fandom's reaction to the two...

For Anakin, he succeeds in causing Padme's death, destroying the Republic aka the only democracy in the galaxy, committing cultural and physical genocide against the Jedi, murdering an entire village of Tuskens including the children, and going on to oppress and enslave the rest of the galaxy for decades...

...in contrast, Abijah only succeeds in committing mass murder and fails in all of his other plans---and his success in committing mass murder is partially due to the Shogun's sons and wife locking people inside the burning palace.

But, despite all of this, if you look into how their respective fandoms treat them, you'd assume that it was the opposite.

Anakin is lifted up as this good person who had no agency in any of his actions or, if he did, then the people he murdered "deserved it"---he's loved by most of the fandom and everywhere you look you see think pieces about how Anakin was really a victim, how his actions were justified, how he's not to blame for anything.

Meanwhile Abijah is hated and his actions are labeled by the fandom as bad. He's a terrible person and he's seen as such. I've never seen a single post justifying his actions or trying to say he isn't to blame for his actions.

Now, this is not me saying that the Blue Eye Samauri fandom is wrong to view Abijah this way---on the contrary, I agree that his actions are heinous and he's a terrible person, there's nothing there that I don't agree with.

However, I do think it's interesting how differently both characters are treated when one of them is, unequivocally, worse than the other.

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Why is this?

Now, I'm going to preface this section with the disclaimer that part of it is because Anakin is the main character of his media and Abijah is not---however, I believe that this has a very small effect on how fandom treats them since, as we've seen with other characters, screentime doesn't really matter that much when it comes to whether fandom likes a character or not.

Moving on-

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I think a lot of it is just that Anakin is conventionally attractive and Abijah isn't.

Anakin and Abijah are both selfish, misogynistic, racist, have violent responses to most things, and have committed atrocities in the name of personal gain. The only difference between them---besides the obvious differences that come with the medias they're in---is that Anakin is pretty to look at and Abijah isn't.

It'd be even worse if Abijah was a POC or a woman, even if he was conventionally attractive---as proven by other Star Wars characters.

Mace Windu? Fandom hates him and makes him out to be a villain.

Saw Gerrera? Same thing.

Rey Skywalker? People hate her and say she's "unrealistic" or "too OP."

Reva Sevander? People fucking CRUCIFIED her!

None of these people even come near Anakin's level of "I'm a terrible person and I do heinous things because why not!" Mace and Rey never did anything wrong, and Saw and Reva did the things they did because of trauma/revenge and/or working to take down a greater evil---and even then, neither of them do anything near as bad as Anakin!

Yet they're hated and held to a higher standard and crucified in a way that Anakin isn't.

-----

Another reason is that people can project onto Anakin in a way they can't project onto Abijah.

With Anakin, they can twist the Jedi's actions to fit whatever trauma they personally relate to, they can shove characters like Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, Mace, Yoda, etc. into whatever archetype they want to fit their story, they can excuse away every atrocity Anakin commits because he's doing it out of attachment and they think attachment means love, etc.

Meanwhile it's hard for people to project onto Abijah because everything and everyone around him is harder to change to fit his narrative.

There's no one really around him that you can say manipulated, abused, or otherwise forced him into doing the things he did. The other characters don't really interact with him, so people can't say the characters "deserved" what he did to them. And he openly admits that he's doing things out of greed, whereas Anakin says he's doing things out of love when he's really not.

----------

In conclusion, Abijah Fowler and Anakin Skywalker are both people that experienced tragedy and became terrible people that did heinous things because of it---but people only justify one of their actions because they think he's pretty and project onto him.

They're the same person in different medias 🤷‍♀️

#fandom meta #star wars #sw prequels #blue eye samurai #anakin skywalker critical #anti anakin apologists #abijah fowler

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literallykenmaandshoyo · 1 year

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I'll Know

Tendou Satori x Female!Reader

Warnings: Language, outdoor blowjob, creampie, cum swallowing, oral (male and female receiving), lots and lots of praise!! I wrote Satori as reader's first intimate partner! Just smutty smut smut smut lolol

Word Count: 3.3k

Author's note: Oh my god, it's been so so long since I've posted a fic on here this is insane. College and life have been so so hectic and I completely forgot about the page Mod Kenma and I made :,) Mod Kenma is so good with keeping consistent and everything on here and I'm going to try and do the same since I've found myself writing with them a lot more now! I'm so sorry for the long hiatus, but I wrote this fic a couple of weeks ago and thought it would be a nice way to start my comeback! I hope you all know that you're more than welcome to request anything from me, just make sure you specify that you want it written by me haha! I hope you enjoy the smut, I had so much fun writing it!!

I'd love to hear everyone's feedback on this, so don't hesitate to let me know on how I can make things better or if you enjoyed it!

~Mod Shoyo <3

The bright lights of Shiratorizawa’s gym hurt Y/N’s eyes as she walked inside. Today, the volleyball club was going to be hosting a late night practice. Normally, Friday nights were reserved for date nights between Y/N and Satori, but she never ever minded coming to watch Tendou practice. There was no hiding how she really felt about watching him practice.

It got her going.

Something about her tall, lanky boyfriend sweating his ass off playing sports just did something to her. She was well aware of this feeling and found it slightly funny every time Satori tried to push practice to the side for her. “Now, why would you do that, ‘Tori? Volleyball is your passion. I really don’t mind staying for a couple hours to watch you and then getting to hang out with you after!”

Tendou always appreciated Y/N so much more when she said things like that. Little did he know that he was only fueling her drive to chase him. To jump his bones the second that he was finished with his practice. Tonight was no different. Y/N came waltzing into the gym in her black t-shirt dress, her eyes darting across every single body she saw to search for her boyfriend. The second that Tendou noticed her, his posture stiffened and he made a bee-line straight towards her.

“Well, look at you in that black dress of yours,” Tendou flirted, his tone light and playful but his voice was resting in a deeper part of his throat. “Don’t you look delicious.”

Y/N blushed and stood on her tippy toes to kiss him. He smirked against her kiss and brought his right arm around her waist to pull her close to him while his other arm carried his water bottle. The second they pulled away, she could already feel herself getting riled up. His normally spiked up hair was sitting slightly damp now. Most of it was still intact, but some of the front strands were sticking to his forehead, absolutely drenched in sweat.

“How’s practice going, baby?” Y/N smiled, her eyes too focused on his sweat than his actual ruby orbs.

“Coach had us do some punishments because Goshiki didn’t receive a ball correctly,” Tendou tossed a look over to Goshiki who was cowering in a corner, gripping a ball tightly in between his hands cursing himself. “Other than that, It’s going pretty average.”

Y/N smiled and nodded her head. “Well, go knock ‘em dead baby, I’ll be right here watching!”

Tendou grinned from ear to ear and stooped down to press one last kiss to her lips. As Tendou turned on his heel to start running back, Y/N leaned forward and laid a harsh slap on his ass to motivate him. Tendou turned slowly with a smirk and walked back towards her. He towered over her like a skyscraper, looking down on her with the most shit-eating grin she’d ever seen.

“My turn.”

Before she had any time to think, Satori's hand was unleashing the most pain-inducing, heartstopping, panty dropping slap on her ass. She yelped and listened to the sound echo throughout the gym. His palm remained on her right cheek, she could feel his fingers curl up and feel around. He jumped slightly, then leaned down to get his lips right next to her ear.

“You dirty girl,” He whispered huskily. His voice sent shivers down her spine and she could feel the heat between her legs growing. “No panties huh? And were you thinking about telling me?” Y/N gulped and turned to the side slightly.

“It was supposed to be a surprise after practice.”

Tendou hummed. He turned on his heel once more and walked away. His shoes squeaking against the gym floor slowly dissipating gave her the ‘okay’ to finally relax. Y/N made her way over to one of the courtside benches and took a seat. With her legs crossed, she let her eyes linger on her red-head boyfriend.

The middle blocker was working overtime tonight. His guesses were on point, every single possible hunch he could have had about a spiker’s decisions were completely right. She could only imagine the type of psycho-analysis that was going on in his head right now, how meticulous he had to be in order to block everyone on the other side of the net.

She was wrong.

Tendou was on his game because he knew that she was watching him. He could feel her eyes lingering on him, only paying attention to his movements and no one else’s. Who was she, to sit on that damn bench with no panties on in front of all of his teammates. He could only imagine the juices that were marinating in her cunt right now, he was salivating at the thought of it. His hunger was only fueling his movements, a snide smirk resting on his face.

One of the managers rushed around giving all of the players’ some towels to wipe themselves off. Once Tendou was handed his own, he turned slightly and noticed Y/N had taken some extra interest in watching him. He scoffed and pressed the towel against his forehead and neck, wiping off all the remnants of his hard work. Y/N licked her lips and didn’t let her gaze falter for a second. Tendou’s legs carried him over towards his girlfriend once more. His aura was radiating pure starvation. He couldn’t even keep eye contact with her for more than a millisecond before letting his eyes drop down to her crossed legs. He could feel himself get hard just knowing that he was the only one that got to spread those legs. To see what was beyond her gorgeous thighs.

He tossed the towel at her nonchalantly. “Hold this for me, would you baby? Just a little while longer.”

Y/N was quick to catch the towel and let it rest in her lap. She could feel herself getting warmer, at this point she started to regret not wearing underwear. She knew that she was going to spill the juices that Satori claimed as his all over the floor once she stood up, but for right now. At this very moment. She could care less. Her mind was turning into mush, and it didn’t help that Tendou would toss her looks in between practice sets.

Her pussy was aching. Tendou had been her very first intimate partner, and she loved the idea that her pussy was molded into a hole that fit his dick perfectly. She was growing more restless by the second, counting down each second that went by that Tendou wasn’t rearranging her intestines. Finally, like a bright light shining down from the heavens, practice was called to an end and everyone started to pack up the equipment and their things. Once everyone was finally done with their chores, Tendou slowly made his way back to his girlfriend.

“Can I see that towel in your lap, pretty girl?” Tendou grinned, holding his hand out in front of her. She nodded and dropped the towel into his palm. “Thank you darling~”

As Tendou wiped his face again, Y/N was fuming. Her entire body was quivering with nothing short of pure lust for Satori. And the worst part of it all, was she knew that he was teasing her. He was dragging his feet when he walked, he was taking his time to get each individual bead of sweat off of his face, he knew that she was dying for his touch.

“Alright baby, let’s go. Are you ready?” Y/N didn’t give him any time to change his mind. She was off the bench and ready to go with her purse at the sound of his voice.

Tendou chuckled and draped an arm loosely around her shoulders, pulling her close to him as he slung his duffel bag over his left shoulder. They had finally made it outside the gym. Sure, they only took one step outside, but Y/N was practically dizzy with how much fresh air was hitting her face right now. Before they could walk any further, Tendou stopped them both in their tracks.

“Oops! I forgot my jacket on the bench, I’ll be right back love,”

Y/N was fed up. She was seething, begging to be touched and he kept setting them back. She looked to her left and noticed a corner that the lights weren’t hitting. She moved into the shadows and waited patiently for Tendou’s figure to walk out the door. After watching most of his teammates leave with their bags and set off on their journey’s back home, Y/N was ready to get what she wanted.

The second she could smell his after-practice musk, she grabbed hold of his arm and yanked him into the corner with her. Tendou looked down at her with a cocky smirk and raised an eyebrow. “And what’s this about?” She looked up into his fiery ruby orbs and made no sound.

Her fingers grabbed hold of the band of his practice shorts and looped a finger into the band of his briefs before using all the strength she had to yank them down his legs. His cock sprung to life before her very eyes and she found some sort of relief in knowing that he was just as worked up as she was. She licked her lips and nearly drooled at his feet just at the mere sight. His tip was swollen, his shaft curved upwards, it was a gorgeous sight to see. Tendou gulped before finally speaking.

“Suck it.”

Y/N had already gathered up all the spit she could in her mouth. She spat onto his cock and didn’t even bother to start to stroke him. She took his entire dick in her mouth and felt his tip hit the back of her mouth. She had no strength to push her legs together anymore and slowly just let them spread apart. Her knees were starting to burn from the small rocks and pebbles that had littered the sidewalk, but she was too busy drowning in her horniness to care. The guttural groan that left Tendou’s mouth as she deep throated him was enough to send her over the edge. Her head was bobbing up and down his shaft, her lips gliding across his drenched cock.

“Fu-fuck baby. Take this cock like a good girl,” Tendou sighed heavily. “Fuck, you suck me off so good baby.”

The words of encouragement egged her on, pushing her to grip whatever wasn’t covered by her mouth with her hands and begin to stroke while she sucked. Tendou nearly banged his head into the wall from the immense pleasure that took over him. He was trying so hard not to cum down her throat as fast as he wanted to. Y/N knew that he was holding himself back, but she didn’t bother to berate him or tease him for it. What mattered was that she had his cock in her mouth and she was going to swallow every last drop of cum he had to offer.

She could feel him twitch in her mouth, every vein that was ready to burst getting eased with the coolness of her saliva. She deep throated once more and felt some pre-cum slide down her tongue. She pulled her mouth off of his dick, still stroking him with one hand while she popped his cleanly shaven balls in her mouth. Tendou clamped a hand over his mouth to try and prevent the loud groan that fell from his lips; even covered by his hand his moan was loud enough to get some stares.

Y/N moved back up to eye-level with his cock and spread her hot mouth all over it once more. She bobbed her head as fast as she could, feeling his dick twitch faster than before. It wasn’t until Tendou’s sweet groan entered her ears that she realized he had painted the back of her throat with his cum. She pulled herself off of his dick for the last time, snot falling from her nose, tears falling from her damp eyelashes and down her swollen cheeks.

Tendou looked down and moved her loose hair out of her face, watching her tongue fall out of her mouth still covered in his cum. Within a second, she swallowed whatever of his load was leftover in her mouth and let her body slump. Tendou noticed her relaxed nature and immediately lifted her up into his arms.

“Don’t think this is over. I’m going to fuck the shit out of you when we get back to my dorm.” Y/N laid in his arms completely lifeless, her mind still only focused on the pleasure she had given her boyfriend just now.

She had no concept of time, or even realized how much time she had taken to suck him off outside of the gym, but none of it mattered. It wasn’t until he threw her onto his bed that she snapped back to reality. Her hair was a mess, her face was flushed with a red color, her legs could barely stay closed. Tendou was huffing, heavily breathing as he threw his shirt over his head and tugged his boxers down once more. He didn’t bother to take Y/N’s dress off. What was the point if he had easy access anyways?

“I’m going to fuck the shit out of this pussy,” Tendou growled, pressing lazy kisses to the sides of her neck. “My pussy.”

Y/N’s ears were ringing. The second she felt his lips on her neck her entire body went into shock. She felt so sensitive, anywhere he touched immediately made her quiver. She wanted to take every piece of clothing off of her, she felt like she was roasting in 100 degree summer heat. Tendou’s long, slender fingers wrapped around her knees and yanked her legs apart. His eyes widened and he stared at her glistening pussy like it was a gift given to him by god. And it was. Tendou licked his lips and fell to his knees. He gripped the backs of her legs and pulled her to the edge of his bed, her pussy right in his face.

He wasted no time in diving his tongue in between her folds. The tip of his tongue flicked her clit before gathering up some of her wetness like a spoon. He was eating her up like a starved man, smacking his lips and burying his face in her. Her noises were enough to wake up every single member of his team in the building, but that was the least of his worries. He had a cunt, shining with pure excitement under the lights right in front of him, and it was all his. His dick was so painfully hard and he wanted nothing more than to just slam it inside of her, but she was dying to suck him off, and he would be lying if he said that he wasn’t dying to feast on her pussy.

“Te-Tendou, please,” Y/N whined. “Please just fuck me, I-I can’t take it anymore.” Her words stopped his actions. She whined from the loss of friction and his swift motions.

He stood up and wiped his mouth of whatever juices she left on his lips. He had never heard anything more sexy than her pleads for him to fuck her in all his life. He smiled from ear to ear and came down to press his lips onto hers. “Whatever you want, baby. Your wish is my command.”

Tendou lined himself up with her entrance. He slowly started to push his tip into her. Once just his tip had been swallowed by her cunt, he grabbed hold of her hips tightly and bucked his hips so hard into hers that she nearly screamed. The harsh slap of his balls slapping against her skin made a clapping noise, and he started to pound into her like his life depended on it. The sound of her loud moans only fueled him to keep drilling his cock into her. He leaned down and buried his face in her chest, loving the feeling of her tits bouncing in his face. He pulled himself out of her and lifted her into his arms. He sat down on the edge of his bed and sat her on his lap. Y/N got the picture and quickly slammed herself onto his dick.

“God damn, Y/N. Ride this dick, take this dick like a good girl.”

Y/N sank her teeth into his shoulder as she bounced up and down on his cock. She could feel the coil in her stomach slowly unraveling with every slap their sweaty bodies made. She pulled her face out of his neck to see that his eyebrows were furrowed, the groans leaving his mouth nearly making her cream on their own. Tendou grabbed a fistful of her hair into a makeshift ponytail and held it up for her, the breeze that hit her neck sending goosebumps down her hot skin.

Tendou could feel that she had gotten tired of picking herself up, his hands moved down to her hips and gripped them so hard that she was sure his fingers would be bruised into her skin. He held her up and thrusted as fast as he could, his balls slapping against the bottom of her ass with every move. Y/N dug her nails into his back, sure that she drew blood with how hard she was holding him.

She lowered herself back down onto him once more and simply served as a hole for him to fuck himself with. He moved her at his own tempo, lifting her body up and down his cock with the strength he had. Her legs quivered and she could feel herself getting close.

“To- Tori, I’m gonna,” She couldn’t even finish her sentence before it was drowned out with the harmonious sounds of their moans joining together.

“Let it go love, cream all over this cock for me.” Tendou practically yelled through clenched teeth.

Within seconds, both of their moans joined together once more for a grand finale. Y/N’s body fell limp, her bare chest resting on top of his. Tendou was still twitching inside of her, his hands coming up to caress her back lovingly. After a few minutes that way, Y/N finally sat up to pull herself off of his dick. The sight she was met with nearly made her want him to fuck her again, but she was far too tired.

Satori’s ruby eyes focused on her pussy as she pulled herself off. Strands of their combined cum looked like strings holding their two bodies together. Y/N relaxed and Tendou could see a cluster of his cum slide out of her pussy and down the sides of her legs.

Tendou reached into his drawer and grabbed some cool wet wipes to clean themselves off, he handled his lover with such care, feeling her jump every time he brought the wipe anywhere near her still sensitive pussy. Tendou moved every article of clothing that sat on top of his covers off and threw it somewhere into the corner of the room. He grabbed Y/N’s waist and pulled her next to him, helping her get under the covers and into his arms.

“That’s probably the best sex we have ever had.”

Y/N nodded, barely able to catch her breath. “I feel so much better now,”

Tendou just chuckled and pressed his lips lazily against her own. “I love you baby, with all of my heart. Thank you for always being so devoted to pleasuring me.”

She smiled and pressed a kiss against his lips before nuzzling into his neck. “I love you Satori,”

The two of them yawned, falling asleep within seconds. Satori felt his entire body finally truly relax, and knowing that she would be here in his arms in the morning made his sleep that much better.

He thought to himself that maybe every date night should end like this, but he knew he would never hear the end of that conversation.

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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my-heart-beat-for-anime · 8 months

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Jann Mardeborough x čtenář pt. 4

Pt.1,Pt.2, Pt.3, Pt.4, Pt.5

Everyone was saying that. That Jann will be a failure and that he can't win. However, I didn't believe it until I saw how it looks in real professional racing. It was crazy, I've never been more worried about Jann. The realization that he could collapse at any time and lose his life in the process scared me. Fortunately, none of that happened so far and Jann was getting to the front of the race. I was watching everything with bated breath when suddenly a gilded car pulled up. Earlier, Jack revealed to me that Nicholas Capa was driving that car, and from the context of what Jack told me, he wasn't a very good person. Suddenly, Capa's car started to run into Jann's, trying to push him off the track. Although Jann tried to resist the pressure, in the end the second car pushed him off the track. Fortunately, Jann recovered almost immediately but placed in one of the last places. For me, it was a success that Jann finished the race in good health. When Jann's car got back to the pit, Jack and I opened the door and started encouraging Jann.,, Jann, don't be sad, the big success is that you managed to reach the finish line and you didn't even finish last, you did amazing" I said when I caressed his cheek, but Jann gave me a sad smile and was about to leave for the trailers, but a certain voice stopped him. "Hey pretty girl, why waste your time on someone who doesn't even need it, wouldn't you rather be keeping company with a real competitor." I knew very well whose voice it belonged to even before I turned around. He was that cocky racer, leaning on his shiny car, with the most arrogant smile I've ever seen. He acted like the most sensible thing for me to do would be to push Jann away and jump into his arms. I wanted to start cursing him for what he thinks about himself and I felt Jann clench his hands, but before we could somehow start an argument, Jack intervened. "Leave her alone and you two come." Capa kept yelling at us but for the sake of all of us we ignored it. For the rest of the day I tried to encourage Janna and finally I succeeded.

The next few races were more or less the same. At Jack's request, I suggested Jann's training to make him as strong as possible and I also helped with motivation. For each lap completed, Jann received kisses and a bit of a cuddles so he charged into the next round with even more determination. Jack just always shook his head and secretly laughed at us. Unfortunately, it also happened that one of the journalists took a photo of us during one of the kisses and before we knew it we were on the cover of almost every tabloid magazine. As if the situation wasn't bad enough, a certain blond racer found out about it, and his innuendo became more personal and sexual. I was close to punching him a few times, but Jack and Danny mostly stopped me.

Unfortunately, Jann has not been able to get a license yet, and today was the last race when he could get it.

"So are you ready?" I asked Jann when he was about to get into the car. Jann, fully focused, just nodded and gave me a kiss on the cheek. As soon as he pulled away, he put on his helmet and jumped into the car.

The race was going well, Jann made his way to the front until he ran into Capa and Schulin. He tried to pass between them but they both started to pick him up, I heard his scared voice from Jack's earpiece but he finally came up with the solution that he slowed down and then passed them both. I was so happy that she squealed and jumped. But my joy quickly passed when Capa rapidly increased his speed.

I only had time to think about what a fool he is to try such a speed. When I saw on the screen how he collided with the car that was in front of Jann. The cars overturned several times and were almost completely destroyed. I heard Jann's alarming voice, from what I understood, one of the tires broke the windshield. He was instructed by Jack to go to the depot to refuel. When he arrived everyone rushed to him and checked the car.,, Jann you are ok, nothing happened to you." I shouted over all the noise. Jann gave me a thumbs up and I breathed a sigh of relief. The accident was still showing on the screen and finally it was seeing the racers get out of the cars in good health. Capa was seen to push the medic away in anger and throw his helmet on the ground. How selfish can this man be, he could have just killed someone and instead he throws a tantrum like a child.

Meanwhile, Jann was back on track and doing very well. Now all he had to do was defend his coveted fourth place. Fortunately, he succeeded and thanks to this he obtained a license, which ensured his continued support. Jack and I rejoiced and hugged each other. When Jann finally arrived at the depot, he immediately started after Capa. They shouted at each other, luckily Jack and I, pulled Jann away.,, Just enjoy your victory and that sexy little thing while you can." Capa shouted. And just at that moment I had enough. I quickly turned and walked over to him. The man just laughs and he whistles before a slap lands on his face.,, Don't ever talk about me and Jann again and I would suggest you learn to treat people well you idiot." I said clearly and followed Jann and Jack.

If you have any idea about this or any other stor y I am opend to anything.

Take care of yourself and I love you.

#gran turismo #jann mardenborough #jannmardenboroughxreader #archie madekwe #david harbour #racing #fanfic #jacksalter #cars #nicholascapa #josha stradowski

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bi-bard · 2 years

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A Gentle Hand - Hannibal Lecter Imagine (Hannibal)

Title: A Gentle Hand

Pairing: Hannibal Lecter X Sunshine!Reader

Word Count: 1,486 words

Warning(s): mentions of murder

Summary: (Between Season 1, Episode 3 & 4) Abigail Hobbs had dealt with a nasty hand in life. After her father's death, she seemed to remain closed off from everyone around her. Hannibal wants to introduce someone different to her life in the hopes of getting her to open up more.

Author's Note: It has been way too long since I've written for this OC and I'm sorry.

MORE OF THIS OC HERE!

---------------------------

Hannibal brought up his idea the first night after Abigail woke up from her coma. That idea being introducing (Y/n) to Abigail.

(Y/n) had been told the story of poor Abigail Hobbs. The girl with the killer for a father. The one who was dragged on hunting trips. The one whose dad killed girls who looked eerily similar to her.

"Are you sure this would be the best choice," (Y/n) asked as they discussed the idea over dinner one night. "I... I don't want to overwhelm her. She's had a few days of chaos. So many people. Reporters and doctors and investigators... I'm just worried."

"That's why I think it would benefit her greatly," he explained. "Someone with no ulterior motives. Just a kind face."

"Can you not serve as that kind face?"

"She knows me as a doctor. As one of the people who helped catch her father," he replied. "She needs someone new. No previous connections."

(Y/n) slowly nodded.

"And you offer some fascinating insights."

"How so?"

Hannibal paused at the question. It had been a long time since he had struggled to find a decent answer to such a question.

"You're outlook on life tends to differ greatly from those that Abigail has known so far."

A very smooth attempt to avoid admitting that he knew more of (Y/n)'s story than (Y/n) did.

"And Alana approves of this idea?"

"After some persuasion, yes," Hannibal grinned up from his food.

(Y/n) grinned back. "Well then, I guess I can try to get through to her."

"Thank you."

The next day, Hannibal drove the pair up to Port Haven Psychiatric Facility. Will and Alana were waiting outside for them. (Y/n) smiled at the sight of the pair, jumping out of the car almost before Hannibal had stopped completely.

"Will," they fussed, pulling the man into a tight hug. "How have you been feeling?"

"As fine as I can be," his grin is tense and forced, but he does feel a sense of comfort due to (Y/n)'s presence.

They turned to hug Alana next, whose smile was much more genuine as she hugged them back.

"How are you," (Y/n) mumbled before stepping back.

"Busy as ever," she explained. "Especially now. I assume Hannibal gave you an idea of who Abigail is."

(Y/n) nodded as Hannibal joined the group. His hand touched the small of (Y/n)'s back, ready to carefully lead them inside.

"I've avoided reading too much about Abigail," (Y/n) explained. "They all seemed so focused on the idea that she had to be evil."

Alana and Will nodded.

They signed in before walking down the hall. Will and Alana waited outside while Hannibal led (Y/n) inside. The approach was Hannibal's idea. Abigail wasn't overwhelmed by the mere number of people and wasn't left alone with someone that she didn't know.

"Abigail," Hannibal spoke up to get the girl's attention. "I want to introduce you to someone."

(Y/n) waved at the girl. Abigail's eyebrows furrowed.

"This is (Y/n)," he explained. "My partner."

(Y/n) tried to keep their smile from getting too big. It was still new to them. The idea of being his partner and not just his friend. Hannibal smiled at them. It felt like the most natural title in the world to him.

"I thought the two of you would get along."

"Hi," they said.

"Hi," Abigail replied awkwardly.

"It's nice to meet you," they continued. "How are you feeling?"

"Kind of tired," she shrugged, glancing at Hannibal for a moment.

"Hannibal, can you..."

"Of course," he nodded. He pressed a kiss to the side of (Y/n)'s head before leaving the room.

"I... I brought you this," (Y/n) stepped forward slowly, holding out a gift. It was wrapped in some dark blue paper with a gold ribbon.

They stepped closer to the bed, so it was easier for Abigail to grab the gift. They sat on the edge as Abigail opened it.

"I was going to bring you some food, but I was worried they would confiscate it," (Y/n) shrugged. "Plus, I didn't know if you had any allergies or what your favorites were... and I should stop talking."

Abigail grinned before pulling off the wrapping paper. Inside was a book.

"I also didn't know what kind of stories you liked, but I wanted to try to find something-"

"It's a book of poems."

"Are you not interested in poetry?"

"I... I don't know," she shrugged.

(Y/n) grinned. "I thought it was a safe place to start."

Abigail nodded before placing the book on the table. "Thank you."

There was a small pause.

"So... how long have you and Hannibal been together," she asked after a few moments.

(Y/n)'s smile told a thousand words. "Not... Not very long."

Abigail tilted her head.

"Well, we've been friends for a while. A few years, really," they explained. "And then, it all just kind of happened. We had dinner at his house. With Will, actually. And after Will left, Hannibal and I kissed and it all just... happened. It felt right."

"You make it sound like a fairytale," she chuckled. "True love's kiss."

"Sometimes it feels that simple."

Abigail grinned at the thought.

"I don't want to bore you-"

"You aren't," she stopped (Y/n). "It's nice to have someone talk about something other than my dad for once."

"Oh," (Y/n) nodded. "Okay."

"Why was Will there?"

"Oh, he... apparently, he wanted to meet me. Hannibal has this photo of the two of us in his office."

"What's the photo?"

"It's from my birthday," (Y/n) said. "I think it was the first birthday after we met. I didn't... well... don't have a whole lot of friends. Hannibal held a little dinner for me. It was really nice."

"Are you and Dr. Bloom friends?"

"I think so," they nodded. "She is the sweetest person. She is incredibly protective. All she wants is to keep everyone safe all the time."

"I can tell."

"I'm sure you could."

"That's enough about me," (Y/n) waved off any further questions. "Tell me about you. Whatever you want. Tell me about your old pet turtle, if you want."

The next hour or so was the best time that Abigail had experienced since the tragic events that led her to that room in the first place. (Y/n) saw so much more than the daughter of a killer. So much more than some headline or potential threat. And Abigail felt a sense of comfort from that.

It wasn't until there was a knock on the door that either one of them seemed to snap out of their conversation.

Alana leaned her head through the doorway.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"Do they need the room," (Y/n) asked. Alana nodded. "Alright, got it. One second."

They stood up and grinned at Abigail.

"It was nice meeting you," they said. "I hope you enjoy the book."

"Are you going to visit again," she asked. "Today was really nice."

"I'll try my best," (Y/n) promised. "Bye Abigail! It was nice to meet you!"

"You too."

Alana and (Y/n) crossed paths in the doorway. Hannibal and Will were waiting outside. Hannibal seemed calm, but Will was pacing. (Y/n) thought he looked like a nervous parent.

"How did it go," he asked as soon as he spotted them.

"She's very sweet," (Y/n) replied. "She just needs more than people asking about her father. She's more than her dad's crimes."

Will sighed. "(Y/n)... Jack Crawford thinks there's a chance that Abigail was involved."

"He's actually entertaining that," they glared at him before looking at Hannibal. Hannibal looked toward the floor. "Abigail is a scared teenager. She doesn't deserve any of this. If you want to investigate, fine. Do not involve me. Abigail needs love and support. A gentle hand. She's not a monster."

"We don't think she is," Hannibal explained, touching (Y/n)'s arm.

He already knew about Abigail's involvement in her father's crimes. He saw no point in tainting the view (Y/n) had of the young girl.

"Then why say anything?"

"You deserve to know all parts of this situation if you're going to visit her."

(Y/n) shook their head and looked down.

"I'm sorry," Will added softly.

They let out a huff through their nose. "It's okay. I just wish you two would've told me the true purpose of this visit."

"I'm sorry," Hannibal stepped forward and pressed a kiss to their forehead. "I'm sorry, darling."

(Y/n)'s eyes closed as he did.

"Would you like to go home," he asked. (Y/n) nodded before turning to Will.

"Let me know if she likes the book I brought."

Will nodded.

(Y/n) and Hannibal didn't speak again until after Hannibal had started the drive home.

"She has a chance," (Y/n) said softly. Hannibal hummed, pushing for more information. "A chance at a life beyond this. She has... so much potential. She's smart and kind and funny."

Hannibal nodded, agreeing with them.

"She just needs the opportunity."

---------------------------

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#hannibal lecter fanfiction #hannibal lecter imagine #hannibal lecter x reader #hannibal x reader #hannibal imagine #hannibal fanfiction #fanfiction #imagine #x reader #abigail hobbs x reader #abigail hobbs fanfiction #abigail hobbs imagine

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jardin-de-limaginaire · 1 year

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Heyy How you doing? I wanted to make a request for Mischa Bachinski × reader where reader is like this popular but not mean kind of girl in town. Like everyone loves her and she's in every club she can and has good grades in school (which can be a problem for ocean), her friends'parents absolutely love her, etc. And like mischa and her don't talk to much, so he thinks she doesn't even remember his name. (Kind of like the song Gold Rush by taylor swift now that I think abt it? Idk).

The point is ofc she likes him, but she thinks he doesn't like her bc of his angry persona and all of that stuff (also what would people say if they saw her hanging out with someone with such a bad raputation?)

And when they finally clear things up and become friends they end completely falling in love w each other and have to tell each other at some point.

I feel like this is way too long and specific, so don't worry if it bores you or smth, ily :))

Hello! I'm currently very busy with school, but I'll still try writing oneshots at any opportunity I have! And don't worry, I love writing very long and detailed works, and I find it easier when the request is longer because I know what I need to write.

(P.S. In this fanfic, (Y/N) has two moms, which will be referred to as mama and mom, cuz I just felt like it.) (Also, they will appear in the next request too, so be prepared to see them again)

Also, sorry for not writing in a few weeks, I've been going through a long depressive episode lately, but now I've got the motivation to write again

(TW: None!)

Word count: 1,364 words

Beauty and the beast (Mischa Bachinski x Popular!fem!reader fluff)

(𝓨/𝓝)'𝓼 𝓟𝓞𝓥

"The most loved girl in town" has been a Title that I've worn like a badge for most of my life. Ever since I was younger, I knew three things:

"Be friendly to others because you don't know what they're going through, be smart so that you can one day help others live a better life, and last but not least, be happy for making others happy"

At least, that's what my parents always told me, and I obeyed them. These rules have been actually helpful for me. Thanks to them, I am now known by everyone in town as being "The most loved girl in town", thanks to my personality.

I always help others when in need, and thanks to that, I've made a lot of friends. Yes, some of them have been fake to me, but I still have forgiven them.

I am also one of the best students in school. I've never got any grade below 79%, and I am also in every club in St. Cassian high school, including the school choir.

Speaking about the school choir, I am friends with a lot of people, even with my rival, Ocean. We don't hate each other, but we are indeed rivals in every class. After we get the scores on one of our tests, the one who has the lower grade needs to buy Taco Bell from my friend, Noel, and pay with the "loser"'s money.

Even if I have a lot of friends in school, I am not friends with one boy, who's name is Mischa Bachinski. To be honest, I would like to be friends with him, but I don't think he would want to be friends with me, a goodie two shoes.

I should probably try to become friends with him. Everyone has a good soul. There's no such thing as bad people. Mischa is just misunderstood, that's the problem, and I would like to try to break him out of his shell formed of anger.

The next morning, after I woke up, I decided to make a little bracelet for Mischa, since I want to start a friendship with him, and there's no better way than to make a friendship bracelet.

I spent a few minutes making the bracelet, which also included his name, and I felt very proud of myself, yet I was still kind of scared that he might reject my friendship bracelet.

After I was done making it, I put it on my wrist, and then took my backpack, and went downstairs to eat together with my moms.

As I was walking downstairs, I observed the decoration around the house. There were seventeen pictures of me, going from up to down. The first picture was a picture of myself when I was one, and the seventeenth one was of me in the present. I'm not exaggerating one bit when I tell you that my moms are very proud of me. They always brag with pride about how smart I am to everyone they meet. Most parents even beg me to be friends with their kids, so that they can learn to be "better". Of course, I befriended their kids, but I never tried to change them. Everyone is perfect in their own way.

"Goodmorning, (Y/N)! How was your sleep?" Asked my mama. I looked at her and I smiled, as my other mom was making breakfast for us.

"It was wonderful!" I said as my mom gave me an omelet.

"Well, we're glad that you slept well!" Mom said as she sat next to mama and me.

I began eating as if there were no tomorrow, and then got off my seat and waved at my moms.

"Wait, (Y/N)!" Mama said as she walked to me, and pulled my sleeve up, to show the bracelet that I was planning to give to Mischa.

"Young lady. Who is this "Mischa"?" She asked as she smirked. I blushed a little.

"Oh, he's a boy in choir, and I want to become friends with him, so I made him this bracelet," I said, and both mama and mom smiled at each other.

"That's good, honey! Hope we can meet him one day!" Said mom, as both she and mama waved at me.

I waved back and then headed off to school.

I have gotten to the choir and looked around for Mischa. he was indeed here, but he was sitting on his phone.

I walked up to him.

"Hello, Mischa!" I waved at him. He looked at me surprised.

"Wait, you remembered my name?" He asked. I nodded. "What do you want from me?"

"Well, I would like to become friends with you, only if you don't mind!" I said, and I took the bracelet off my wrist and showed it to him.

he looked in awe at the bracelet and extended his hand to take it. He took it so gently, it was as if he never got any gifts from anyone.

"Wow..." He said, and then looked at me. "You really had time to make a gift...for me?"

I nodded. He looked even more in astonishment at the bracelet. He looked like he wanted to cry, but he hid it behind the facade of someone with a "cool guy" persona. "Thank you, druh!" He smiled at me.

"Sorry if I seem rude, but what does "druh" mean?" I asked with a confused smile. He started chuckling. "Druh means friend in ukrainian." He said, still looking at the bracelet.

"Wait, you see me as a friend?" I asked once again. He smiled again.

"Of course! No one here ever gave me a gift, and you are the only one who gave me something even if we don't know each other very well."

He explained. My eyes sparkled. Then he added with a slight blush, "Thanks." I smiled brightly at him, and we continued chatting until class started. I just know that this will start a beautiful friendship.

I'll never forget the day when I befriended Mischa. Since then, we've been like two peas in a pod, rarely separated. Even though I've only been friends with Mischa for a few weeks, I consider him one of my closest friends.

After school, Mischa waited for me outside, and we decided to walk home together. He held my arm, and it felt so nice…but also weird. It was like a tingle running through my body, and my heart started beating fast.

We talked more and more, while slowly getting closer and closer to each other. I could feel a lump form in my throat. Why was I reacting like this? Maybe it's because I had never felt this before. Was this normal? Or was I overreacting? I couldn't tell. Our arms were touching, which was weird. I didn't like being touched by strangers, and Mischa was definitely not the type of person whom I would willingly touch. However, I enjoyed holding hands with Mischa. We arrived at Mischa's house. "See you at school, (Y/N)" Mischa said with a saddened expression as he wanted to enter his house. I stopped him, which made him look back at me "Hey, Mischa," I began, "I actually wanted to ask you something…" "Yeah?" He replied, sounding slightly nervous. "I…I…really like you! I blurted out. His face changed completely, and he looked shocked. He looked at me for a moment. "Why?" He asked. "Well, I guess I don't know! I just found out today that I have a crush on you, and then I couldn't stop thinking about you!" Misha began laughing. "Well, (Y/N), I like you too." He said, smiling. "Really?!?" I asked as I wasn't sure if I heard correctly. But then, it happened: he hugged me. A hug from Mischa Bachinski. "Yes, (Y/N), I really like you too." He said as he broke the hug. We stared into each other's eyes and smiled shyly. This relationship will truly begin like any cheesy romantic comedy.

𝑅𝑒𝒷𝓁𝑜𝑔 >> 𝐿𝒾𝓀𝑒 (𝒩𝑜𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝒸𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓈)

#Randommoonchild #reader insert #ride the cyclone #ride the cyclone x reader #mischa x reader #mischa bachinski x reader #mischa bachinski #mischa rtc #ride the cyclone mischa #ride the cyclone musical #rtc x reader #rtc musical #rtc

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silusvesuius · 3 months

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Your Depiction of Ulfric is literal perfection. I’ve never seen anyone who sees him in a similar way to me, until I found your account last year. I fucking love miserable old man Ulfric who could never catch a break since the day he was born. Every major event in his life (he can’t even decide which one’s the worst) shaped him in the worst yet most interesting way possible. I can’t speak enough about him, his messed up self esteem clashing with his ego, his repressed emotions and sexuality, his shattered image of his own body and mind, the constant loud arguments between the voices in his head (mostly just him arguing with hallucinations) *I’m definitely not projecting here* his unstable mood, his flashbacks and his odd obsessions with random harmful patterns he associates with familiarity. Because to him familiar=safe even if he’s basically only familiar to a constant state of worry and feeling like he’s being targeted or hunted down.

None of this seems to be getting better, at least not in a notable speed. Yet they’re all existing within a strong and powerful man. It’s quite the combination, he’s being weighted down by all of that baggage but his back is too strong to bend. He appears as if he has nerves of steel from the outside, but really if anything is made of steel in his mind, it’s the vessel that he uses to bottle all of that trauma up.

I already had a vague idea of his complicated relationship (obviously) with Elenwen but your version literally felt like it opened my third eye. It is scrumptious and your art is so beautiful it depicts every essence of it all perfectly without even needing to include words. I fell in love with it at first sight.

dis answer is kinda long so i'm (crumpling it up and tossing it under the cut)

Omg wtf Thank you's 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕💕 this is so well put together into words; i will do 9543 backflips for demented ulfric always. i've grown to like him in canon too cause he really has that, wouldn't even call it deceitful, weirdly-content personality.. but i don't think anyone in the writing room in sk*rim HQ knows how to write a character that has been through Anything, event of any kind, so he seems too 'perfect' for a person that has been through literal physical torture, to me, and his reactions to things that should be greatly upsetting are too mild. even though him being elenwen's victim is a piece of information that's easy to miss it seems like it also completely slipped out of the writing IOFDHDJFUIO LOL.. it all obviously adds up to him seeming more appealing as a fashie character to the audience, cus a visibly mentally unwell man wouldn't do it for most people, especially when you want to sway someone to be on his side of things.

i think it's quite smart for the st*rmcloaks to be presented as the more warm and welcoming types of people but ulfric should be the coldest of them all. Bro shouldn't even have the mental and physical capacity to seem Content with his life especially in that moment. he should be the type to use his civil war motivations as an excuse to stay alive if that makes sense, cause i don't think he really wants to live, but he has things to do to keep his mind and hands busy xchkvcjcvkl//

i also really love how ulfric only has galmar as someone he's really close to, it always seemed beyond genius to me, to write them like that, it's cute... he rly is the only person to suffer thru 4 hours of ulfric Peak psychosis monologue followed by 2 hours of trying to prove to him that th*lmor and imperial soldiers aren't hiding in the chests and under the beds of the palace LMFAOO galmar is the one guy who he can sob in front of and act like a little baby fishing for compliments and reassurance, and, not all that related to ulfric as a whole, but i strongly believe that having him be so vulnerable with galmar would make galmar really excited, it would make him feel good, like no other damsel in distress could deliver that feeling EVER. having such a seemingly-strong political figure rely on you Badly and madly would feel like something else entirely 💗 it's very off-putting and perhaps inappropriate of him to feel that way when ulfric is just searching for stability, but i think that even if ulfric knew galmar felt that way he wouldn't really gaf LOL. he'd turn to elenwen if there was no one else to go to cause he 'knows' her, and he'd torment elisif cause he 'knows' her as well.. but he would be completely closed off from making connections with other people 🏆

+ bonus; elenwen's feelings for him would border on everything at once, like, every type of relationship and connection that ever exists.. she really views him as the food she left over in the fridge and will get to eat when she's back from work as a reward

tl;dr him being scarier and more .. unkempt? from the outside would make him even cooler tbhs. he should become christian and develop religious OCD

#ask #i love herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (him)#him just lashing out at everyone would just be cute *audience Aww sfx*

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anneapocalypse · 6 months

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So. About Minfilia.

This one really got to me.

I don't think I've cried over a character death in this game like this since Haurchefant--both of whom, incidentally, I knew going in were going to die at some point, because I'd encountered spoilers well before I ever imagined I would play this game. (Having Ariane fall for both of them in turn was not the plan, it just happened along the way and felt right for her character, and the extra tragedy it ended up adding was a side effect but one that's become lode-bearing for her story in a lot of ways.)

So I'll say to start that given what the writers had to work with going into Shadowbringers, I think Minfilia's story ends about as well as it could have. The variant flow of time in the First, and specifically the fact that a century has passed there since she arrived, is vital to Shadowbringers' story. Minfilia was never meant to be an immortal being, nor did she want to be. And while there's probably an interesting AU in her becoming mortal again and returning home (and I could see myself writing something like that), that's a very involved concept that wouldn't have worked well with the story Shadowbringers was telling. So, her fate was sealed when she departed for the First. Furthermore the way she goes out is really thematically in line with the Scions as a whole, from Louisoix to Moenbryda to Papalymo: one person giving their life to contain an existential threat--not even to destroy it completely, but to slow the tide so that others can carry on the fight. And Minfilia even takes it a step further, managing to stick around in some form long enough for the other Scions to make it to the First. The Warrior of Light even gets to see her one last time, so her promise to return to them when her work was done--it wasn't an empty one. We get to say goodbye.

I'm okay with this. It's a decent end to her story, given where we started from this expansion.

That doesn't make me especially okay with how we got here, though.

I am still a sprout here, having just started playing last year and being mid-Shadowbringers for the first time now. I was not around when ARR was new, and cannot speak to the fan reception of Minfilia at the time. I have heard through my grapevine, however, that she was not well-liked. Whether because she was a non-combat character, a quest-giver in an annoying location, a woman who told people to do stuff while wearing a mildly revealing outfit (and I do mean mildly)... Idk what the dealbreaker was. That's just what I've heard. Having heard that, though, it makes the choice to write her out at the end of ARR feel... motivated, in a way that maybe it otherwise wouldn't.

There is nothing meaningfully wrong with Minfilia's character in ARR that couldn't be said about any of the core Scions.

Wahhh I don't want to return to the Waking Sands for the 80th time? Fair, but that's a game design issue getting taken out on a character who happens to be connected to it. Call it the Preston Garvey Problem. Her outfit is silly? It's hardly meaningfully sillier than other NPC outfit designs, or Final Fantasy fashion generally. Go tell it to the catgirls in the 2b tights by the aetheryte. She doesn't even fight? Honestly kind of refreshing to me to see non-combat characters play a major role in the story, because fighting isn't the only thing that drives stories! (Hey, didn't Tataru have a whole subplot about that?)

She's underdeveloped? Name me a character who gets great character development in ARR. (There is a correct answer to this question. It's Cid Garlond. 😛) But the Scions? A handful of them feel like very well-rounded characters now because they've had whole expansions that explored them as people and deepened their relationship to the setting and story in meaningful ways--Lyse, Alphinaud, Alisaie, Urianger, Y'shtola, Thancred. But none of them are well-rounded in ARR. ARR is not about character development. It's basically a very long tutorial level that gets you acquainted with the world, its major conflicts, and the major players in those conflicts. The character-driven storytelling really starts with Heavensward. If we truncated all the Scions' stories at the end of ARR, I don't think the others are any deeper than Minfilia.

I liked Minfilia right off because she was kind and caring, and she had an obvious talent for bringing people together, probably in a similar way to Louisoix himself. Hence her becoming the Antecedent and continuing to do diplomatic work across three nations. Did she make mistakes? Yeah, absolutely. Lest anyone is tempted to single her out in the Crystal Braves disaster, though, I will point to what I said in my post about how the Scions failed Alphinaud: every adult in the room should have seen the red flags about that, and not one of them did, including Urianger who is extremely protective of the twins, and Thancred who is extremely protective of Minfilia. And yes, she was in charge, and she does bear a greater share of the responsibility. But whatever you think of that plot point, whether it's leaning a little too heavily on Rule of Stupid or whether believable for a group of idealistic apocalypse survivors with martyr complexes, it's written as something that all the Scions failed to foresee. And for the others, especially for Alphinaud, that mistake and subsequent disaster is used as an opportunity for character growth. Alphinaud has to confront his own arrogance, which drives his character growth as he continues to play a major role in every expansion. Yda/Lyse and Papalymo get themselves involved with the Ala Mhigan resistance, providing the setup for Stormblood and a tremendous amount of character development for Lyse. Y'shtola in desperation turns to darker and more dangerous forms of magic, setting us up for her transformation into a black mage in Shadowbringers where will continue to see her turn to dangerous magics at desperate times. Thancred's wilderness survival journey precedes us getting to see a darker and lonelier side of him. And so forth.

Minfilia throws herself on Hydaelyn's mercy, and gets tempered. I mean, carried unto her bosom, granting her a strength long sought. Because of course we're meant to take it as a given that she was weak before. She was the leader of an international organization who did diplomatic work across three nations, but she couldn't throw fireballs or hit people good with a stick, so. She loses her very will for a while there, until Hydaelyn mercifully decides she's strong enough to give it back to her.

And now, no one talks about the work she did as the Antecedent, or with the Path of the Twelve before that. It's all about her noble sacrifice, how she gave up her whole life to save the First. And she was noble, and generous, and a hero. But she was a person before that, and she could have been more. She could have been a character with a real arc, who got to struggle and learn from her mistakes and grow with us, as the others have.

Minfilia didn't get that. She got to be a sacrificial vessel for the salvation of others, over and over again until there was none of her left. And we never have to reckon with her feeling scared or uncertain or angry about this, because she is always the willing sacrifice, always noble and generous and a hero. Shadowbringers spends far more time on Thancred's feelings about Minfilia than on Minfilia's feelings about her own fate. And I do like Thancred, so please don't read this as me hating on him; I even liked getting more of their history onscreen, at first. But at a certain point I just wanted to shake him and say, You are not the only one who loved her! And your feelings about her are not the only thing that matters here!

I love characters who are deeply and deliberately kind, especially when they have a history that gives them plenty of reasons to be otherwise. I love characters with a passion and drive to make their world better, even when that comes at great cost. It's why I love Julie Farkas, and Vanessa Kimball. But I also like to see how they reckon with the cost, how they struggle with the burden of that kindness. I love it when Kimball loses her temper, when she isn't patient and virtuous all the time. We do finally get some of that with Ryne. But not for the original Minfilia. She goes gently into that good night with gentle words and a gentle smile. And yes, after a hundred years, she has earned a rest.

But having loved her gentle soul from the beginning, I am mourning what she could have been, if she had ever been allowed to be anything else.

#ngl i'm kinda fucked up about this #anne plays ffxiv #shadowbringers spoilers #stormblood spoilers #heavensward spoilers #arr spoilers #just spoilers all around #ffxiv critical #afk by the aetheryte #minfilia warde

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telomeke · 5 months

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15 people, 15 questions

I got tagged by @colourme-feral (at this link here), @pandasmagorica (at this link here), @wen-kexing-apologist (at this link here), @dribs-and-drabbles (at this link here), @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas (at this link here) and @airenyah (at this link here). Thanks for tagging me guys! 🥰 Hope you're all having a wonderful holiday season. 💖🎄

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1. Are you named after anyone?

Not anyone in particular; Mom's dad set out the names for the children of his sons but not his daughters. So Mom gave me a name that incorporates the concepts bright and strong. I sometimes like to think I was named after a laundry detergent. 🤣

2. When was the last time you cried?

I can't remember exactly… I never used to cry, not at stories or movies, unless they involved dogs dying (because that was my first exposure to grief, when my little furry boy died on me during my teen years). After more family members passed away though, I felt my core shift and now know what it is like to be moved to tears by a more human-centric grief and loss (I think I wasn't allowing myself to feel that before, as part of that armor you put on when out in the world as an adult).

And ever since I learnt my lessons I've cried a lot more often, sharing heartfelt moments with characters on the page or on the screen because I'm less afraid of showing emotion (as in, I no longer think of it as some kind of weakness). I think the last time I cried may have been watching Last Twilight? When I watched tough guy Mhok shedding his hard protective shell to love Day unconditionally, with the motivations behind his acts of love going mostly unnoticed and unseen by the object of his affections – e.g., the sunflower just before August turns up late, setting up Day's surprise birthday party and basically giving him away to others when you know his heart is telling him to keep Day for himself. 😢 (I've not watched Ep.7 yet, so I don't know if the meaning of any of this will change moving forward, or if there are more tears in store though.) And yes, I think the last tear I shed was when Mhok grabbed Day to kiss him at the end of Ep.6, to prove that he was loving him truly for his own sake, not plying him with secondhand emotion out of pity as Day had been led to expect from the world.

I may write more about Last Twilight in the future… It's easy to think of romantic love as a gift to be received, but Mhok really does exemplify that the human nature of love is rather more tied to wanting to give of oneself, and (for romantic love at least) that experience only achieves its fullest completion when it is met with the recipient giving you their love in return (or crushing your heart with rejection or indifference instead). And I do see the parallels between love rejected and grief; "grief is just love with no place to go" rings so very true.

3. Do you have kids?

No I don't, and it is maybe the one regret in life I will allow myself. "No regrets" is a great motto to live by, but if I could do things over again I might choose to have kids (whether my own biological kids or my own adopted ones; I'm a little too far gone and set in my ways to consider this now though). Never wanted kids before (noisy, troublesome, a dampener holding you back I told my younger self) – but when my nephew came along it was like somebody flicked a switch and I realized it was OK to feel that kind of unconditional love for another human being, for no other reason than the privilege of loving them. And I think being a parent (unlike a romantic partner) allows you to love truly unconditionally, without expecting anything in return.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Used to like playing soccer/basketball/badminton as a kid, but only unseriously and very badly. Nowadays I swim a lot and the gym is my second home (but I'm not at all some bulked-up gorilla; I don't have the genetics nor the inclination to abuse my body with steroids, which is the only way to look like the bodybuilders and fitness models IMO). But exercise does wonders for your mental health in addition to your physical fitness; it's been my refuge whenever things got horrifyingly stressful in life by providing an outlet for stress, plus endorphins to make you feel better. It just doesn't feel like it would be any good when you're going through it, but you can sense it after. Which is also part of why it's so hard to get yourself up and exercising when you're down; the hardest part is overcoming the inertia that is doubly weighted whenever life is stressing you out. I always have to remind myself that the more I don't want to go to the gym, the more it is I probably need to go.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Sarcasm? What, ✨MOI✨? (Yes I'm being sarcastic here. I can be a bit too barbed with people I know, so I've learnt to pare it back, but my propensity for sarcasm has done me no favors in the workplace. It's also why I understand people putting up hard-shell defenses – shoutout to Pran in Bad Buddy and Mhok in Last Twilight.)

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

I think their general demeanour and what their overall body language is conveying.

7. What’s your eye color?

Darkest, darkest brown; so dark it looks black in all but the brightest light. You can't see where my pupils end and my irises begin.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings all the way. Don't like horror movies and I won't pay to watch them.

9. Any talents?

I have a number of interests, but whether or not I have any talent in them is for others to judge because – even though I'm proud of some of the things I've done – my ever-critical perfectionist's eye can never fail to see flaws and things I could've done better. Everything is always falling short in some way. So my interests are: languages and linguistics (I can handle a few languages, but only a couple have acceptable fluency while the rest are still in pretty rough shape, IMO). Love to write (in English only, more focused on fact than fiction, but even then the inspiration doesn't always flow). I have an ear (but not an abiding love) for music, so I will often be singing if I'm alone and need more than silence around me. I'm interested in biological sciences (wanted to be a palaentologist as a little boy; isn’t that every kid's dream at some point?) – animals, plants, and nature fascinate me. I used to like dabbling in visual arts, but that's been deadened a bit by having to work with some of that in my job (maybe that's why the visual aspects of BL will always fascinate me though). And I think I do have a knack for research, looking things up and putting facts together so that they can convey some kind of message or bigger truth.

10. Where were you born?

In the delivery room of a maternity ward. My roots are in Asia though, if that's what this question is getting at. 😆

11. What are your hobbies?

Scrolling through Tumblr takes up way too much of my time, but yes that is one of my hobbies. I watch BLs now and then, and from that I go on to do the odd write-up about aspects that interest me (especially culture, linguistics and BL visuals). Another current obsession is baking up fruitcake variations (part of the culinary landscape of the season) and this will continue as a hobby until I've baked it out of my system. I love to watch cooking shows, but I do this more to pick up tips on how to make my meals quicker, easier and tasty enough for me (I don't love cooking, but I cook a lot, to get around dietary intolerances more than anything else). Also – gym and swimming a few times a week.

12. Do you have any pets?

None at the moment. We had dogs growing up and I am an avowed dog lover. But when you're a working adult it wouldn't be fair to leave a dog alone for most of the day while you're out at the office, so I never got one after I began working. Plus dogs don't last long (15 years is already geriatric for a pooch) and I'm not ready to face the shattering grief when they have to leave you. But never say never... Maybe I'll get a kitty for a change? 🤔💖

13. How tall are you?

I'm tallish; tall in some countries, average in others. Taller than Singto, shorter than Ohm. 😆

14. Favorite subject in school?

Art and art history? We had a dream lecturer who made the subject come alive. Also a psychology elective that I took, for all its insights into the human mind. In school school it was a mix depending on my mood and the topic of the day: English, geography, biology, chemistry, mathematics, or art. Didn't like physics or economics at all.

15. Dream job

Something in research and analysis backing up the boys in The Sign. 😆 Or maybe volunteering at a charity to help with food/housing (but I can probably only think about doing this after securing my own retirement).

Onward tagging (I can't count so don't expect this to be 15): @7nessasaryevils, @crzshaly437, @faillen, @dimplesandfierceeyes, @neuroticbookworm, @greenreflections, @recentadultburnout, @thecleopatrawannabe, @nihilisticcondensedmilk, @allthegoodusernamesaretakenhuh, @lamonnaie, @non-binarypal7, @twig-tea, @williamrikers, @gillianthecat, @hughungrybear, @solitaryandwandering, @starryalpacasstuff, @rane-ab, @serafyne, @silvercrystal1, @tsukitsuki077, @5raccoonsinatrenchcoat, @vegasandhishedgehog, @reformedcharacter, @writerwithoutsound, @bengiyo, @gelofhellyeah, @shortpplfedup, @dc-alves, @zhaagdewin, @chickenstrangers, @ranchthoughts and anybody else who wants to play! As always no pressure if you don't wish to play either.

If you've already played do tag me with a link so I can read your 15 answers too! 🥰 (And I left out some mutuals because I see you've already been tagged; let me know too if you've already played so I can head on out to read your post as well! 😍)

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#tag game #15 people‚ 15 questions #always fun to play 🥰

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marciabrady · 2 months

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Sorry if you've already answered something like this before but I'd like your thoughts on cinderella 3? As a huge cinderella fan I can see the appeal it has to the wider audience but idk I've never gelled with it?

No worries! I'm in the same boat as you, for a multitude of reasons. I still remember, when I saw the third movie for the first time, thinking it was okay but then never wanting to watch it again. Something about it didn't ring true, but it just wasn't on my mind much and I never felt compelled to revisit it (as opposed to the original which I rewatched on a daily basis at a certain point of my life). Then, later, as an editor, I returned to it to continue engaging with the Cinderella fandom by giffing things that hadn't been made before. I tried to admire it for a while, because that film brought many people to Cinderella that otherwise didn't like her but...the more I sit with it, the more I realize how much it isn't for me. Now, it isn't that it's bad. That's a subjective thing, obviously, and it has a comparatively higher production value for a film of its kind. However, I think the way the film presents itself as blending with canon is extremely flawed and I think it's led the fandom to a lot of conclusions that I'm downright uncomfortable with. It's fine as its own thing, but I'm growing increasingly uneasy with it being considered a canonical part of the fandom.

Cinderella herself. No adaption of Cinderella ever gets Cinderella right (the live action is the worst offender) but I think, in some ways, it's more glaringly obvious here because it's supposed to be a direct continuation of the one media that did get Cinderella right? No one could ever live up to Ilene Woods' Cinderella, and I know that's an impossible assignment, due in no small part to how natural she was in the role and how it overlapped with certain areas of her personal life. Jennifer Hale is fine enough but her performance doesn't ever feel distinctly Cinderella and seems more suited for the video game performances that she's amassed a ton of critical and commercial success with. While she's given interesting responses regarding her view of Cinderella, I don't think I'd trust her with carrying the mantle (again, she's said intelligent things but she downplays Cinderella by insinuating she was limited in the first movie and how her own portrayal is more of a 'warrior' and how Cinderella is everyone's favorite princess until they grow up and 'rightfully' start to like more action oriented princesses). The film itself doesn't even understand Cinderella and just gives her a Belle and Ariel redesign, along with a soaring Broadway song where they completely change her singing style. It also changes her entire motivation to be fighting for love (a step back and not how she was in the original, I also think it lends credence to criticisms saying she's silly for only falling in love after one dance unfortunately whereas the original, in my opinion, didn't fall into that trap) and there's so many instances where they frustratingly make her slow ("Lift the spell- make him remember!! Bi- ahh!!"). I also think she's relegated to a side character in her own film and Anastasia is treated infinitively better, which is an issue to me. I also hate how they robbed her of her greatest victory. Cinderella producing the slipper and being her own savior might be my favorite scene in film history. Taking that away from her and making her openly stumble in front of Lady Tremaine, someone who just locked her in the attic and abused her her entire life, was...a choice. Just like her almost handling her *glass* slipper to Lady Tremaine, only for it to be broken, was. It just made her look dense and the entire thing came across as un-cohesive with what was previously established. Like, I'm sorry but...

This Cinderella was so raw, so layered, gritty, real. She grew up in an abusive household with no resources, skillfully masterminding her own exit. She understood the nuances of her captor, and always kept one trick up her sleeve. When she descended upon the staircase, she made her way through her stepfamily actively discouraging her- an orphan with no one else in the world- to the visiting nobility. They called her ridiculous, impossible, out of her mind, just a scullery maid from the kitchen- an imaginative child. She made her way past them, knowing that- if the grand duke believed them or left or if any detail of her plan fell through- she'd forever be stuck with these three women that would practically kill her once the door shut. But she persisted, and even when Lady Tremaine thought she was the one with the trick up her sleeve, smashing the glass slipper, Cinderella pulled a reverse uno and produced something no one else thought possible- the slipper's mate. Compare that to...

The third movie where Cinderella has to run down the stairs, escaping from her attic entrapment, and waves around her glass slipper in front of her stepmother, explaining to her in full detail that transpired the night previously at the ball, putting herself in a position that 4 seconds later allowed Lady Tremaine to crash that slipper and gaslight her into forgetting. Like...why??? I have so many issues with the way Cinderella is depicted in the film, but we'll leave it here (not even going to get into why people only like her in this version more because she displays more masculine strength by "fighting" and being physically combative which...again, there's more than one way to be strong and the fact that they tried to make her just like any other modern Princess is disappointing to me).

The Anastasia problem. This is something that only continues to upset me more and more as time goes by. In the original film, it's established that Anastasia actively abused Cinderella for the better part of her life. She taunted her, lead to Cinderella being punished multiple times, and blocked off Cinderella's escape or pursuit of a healthy life so many times. The way she's enabled the cycle of abuse to continue and actively, not only participated it but, spearheaded it on a few occasions, explains to us why she's the antagonist. I think it's dangerous that she appears in such a sympathetic light, especially without ever once offering a substantial apology to Cinderella. All of Anastasia's actions in this film, too, are completely self-motivated and I just think it lead to this trend where a lot of people see Anastasia as the protagonist (because she has the most screentime in this movie) and I just think it's poor form to sympathize with an abuser and, frankly, a dangerous moral to espouse. Like, even in the finale where they show Cinderella trying to reason with Anastasia is so toxic. Someone who's been on the receiving end of an irrational abuser's whims their entire life should never try to reason because "they know a good person is there, deep down." And I've seen a lot of people call them "sisters" and talk about how Anastasia had it worse than Cinderella because she's considered conventionally unattractive...which. I could write essays about this and how it's projection, but physical beauty doesn't go that far in this universe. Walt even had an animator redrew Anastasia's smile to be more attractive because he wanted all the characters to be somewhat sympathetic in favor of realism, as opposed to 'all good' and 'all bad.' Again, in this universe, the Prince sees an endless line of beautiful women in amazing clothing so that isn't what attracts him to Cinderella. However, I do think it's worth noting that Cinderella ceases to exist in her society when she doesn't appear 'eligible' by having markers of wealth. She's symbolically stripped of her dignity and hidden away, all of her opportunities taken from her. You know who never suffers that lived experience? Anastasia and Drizella. They're slovenly, over-privileged, and completely self-motivated and this sudden rewrite that they're poor victims because, in our world, they wouldn't be seen as beautiful and that qualifies them for a more traumatic upbringing than an orphan they helped abuse is ridiculous to me.

The disregard for the original characterizations. There are so many things here that just don't make sense. In the original, the King was hellbent on getting grandchildren and even displays a delightful meta commentary multiple times (when it's touched on how ridiculous it is that the Prince would marry any girl that fits the slipper, since that's been a critic of the original story, the King shrugs off that his son said it in a lovesick stammer and sees this as an opportunity to get those grandchildren "that's his problem; he's given his word, we'll just hold him to it). All of a sudden, this King is telling his son it's ridiculous to marry a girl who wears a size 4 1/2 and that's no reason to choose a bride??? And is showing Anastasia his late wife and trusting the clumsiest person I've ever seen with a delicate seashell? OKAY. Not only that, but just so many things that made the original characters unique are eroded so they can be like every other Renaissance character. Like, Lady Tremaine was such a great villain because of her presence and charisma and her cunning virtue. To omit all of that and how her waving around a magic wand and yell Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo was unnecessary.

Too much mice. I know many feel that way about the first film, but I think they were skillfully intertwined. It was way too much here and there was no place for them.

The art design and color palette is more gaudy and unappealing to me. I could keep going but lol

#ask #anonymous

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phantomrose96 · 2 years

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Chrissy help how do you keep motivation for such huge writing projects?? I've seen you posting about abot for a long time but I just clicked it and it's got like 360k words. My guy you are incredible and if you've got secrets to share I'd be very interested. Major props to you

(ABoT)

I'm hoping to resurrect Dickinsonian-era "paid by the word" writing gigs and retire off ABoT Kidding! kidding! I make 0 dollars and 0 cents off ABoT do not sue me IP holders.

More genuinely it's a couple things I guess. One big and simple one being just--I really like the story. It's long because there are a lot of parts I like and wanted to tell. Another is spite, because for a long period of time between 2017-2020 I thought I would never be able to come back to the story so it's something of a "fuck you look what I made anyway."

But I really REALLY think the biggest part to this all was the (tough, but doable) process of learning to be okay with this story taking however long it's gonna take, and being however long it's gonna be.

Back in the days when Tumblr was really a hub for fandom, fandom attention was extremely fleeting, and when you had any of it, it felt like it was always moments away from vanishing. Tourmaline, my 80k Steven Universe fic, I wrote in the span of just over 2 months. I had a chapter out roughly every 2-3 days for that entire sprint. I'm proud of pulling that off. But my main motivation for doing that was absolutely the fear of losing people's attention and interest if I dawdled even a little.

Early-days ABoT was like that too. The first 9 or 10 chapters were all posted in intervals of about 2-3 days apart. I was staying up extremely late to do this which wasn't good for me and I was doing it because I was afraid of losing people's interest and I was getting more intimidated the more I realized how long ABoT would likely be. And then for school and life reasons, my update schedule absolutely had to slow. And I was having a bad time because it was like I could feel myself losing readers and losing relevance, and the backlash was growing, and even when I was finding the time to write I'd started burning out hard on my passion for the story. I'd get frustrated with my own plot and characters, and you can't write a good passion project while frustrated with the characters.

And then I kinda quietly admitted defeat because the stress and the backlash were too much to handle and I couldn't wring anymore of this from myself. After a 1 year, 2 years, I was pretty much sure my readership was long gone. I still thought about the story constantly! I still cared. I just figured I'd missed my window and would never be able to come back except to backlash.

Then just shy of 3 years, I said "fuck it, actually" and wrote the next chapter (okay it was a lot more complicated than "fuck it" but that would take too long to explain.) And in FACT, a ton of the readership came back! It was an extremely warm reception! And new readers, too. Just a lot of really warm, positive feedback. Which absolutely blew my mind because it was completely at odds with my feeling that things needed constant updates to cling to relevance. And the idea of "well if they waited 3 years..." has helped me a lot with allowing time and breaks between chapters. I don't burn out on them. I edit them more. My update schedule's been more like 2-6 weeks between chapters, rather than days.

Allowing that down time, letting ABoT be a steady jog instead of an all-out sprint, has been absolutely crucial to getting as far through it as I am. Even right now, it's been pretty long since chapter 45. I dove super deep into putting ch45 together and I kinda needed some time off after to decompress and step away to not risk burn out. Which was very needed and helpful and now I'm back to chugging through ch46.

There was an old comment, I think on Reddit, that I read years ago which has stuck with me ever since. Someone was recounting a conversation with a single mother who was considering going back to college to get her degree, but was hesitant to do so because she would be 40 by the time she graduated. To which the other person responded "You'll be 40 anyway."

And "you'll be 40 anyway" plays in my head a lot. Like, ABoT's been going for almost 6 years. Well 6 years were going to pass anyway. ABoT might not be done for x-many more months. X-many more months are gonna pass anyway. Time's gonna happen anyway. So I'm not worried about whether this thing is still going by then or not. I'm just keeping at it until it's done.

#ask #abot #a breach of trust

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not-poignant · 3 months

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You have a very broad readership; do you still, like most ao3 writers, use writing as a way to make friends? If so, how do you manage both to make connections and keep from uncomfortable parasocial engagements?

(admitting: I like your work a lot, I have a similar interest in writing trauma and recovery, I would like to befriend you, but I don't want to bother you bc lots of people want to be friend with writers they like and there's no way you'd have energy for all of them!)

Hi hi anon,

So...this response might be disappointing, but I didn't use fanfiction writing as a way of making friends. That's not why I started, and it's never been the reason for me to be in fandom.

(Thoughts about friendship and stuff under the read more, it's pretty personal so no obligation to read. The TL;DR is I am bad at friendship and I also am not like 'most AO3 writers' (is that really why most AO3 writers write?) in the sense that I never wrote fanfiction as a way to make friends and it's very weird to me sometimes that people actually do this as a motive).

When I turned up in fandom, it was a very private experience for me. I didn't know anyone else locally who shared the same fandom/s I do. When I shared fanfiction on Livejournal, I did so to complete strangers who I never got to know better, or to people who were already friends through other interests.

I've never gone to fandom conventions (there's few here, and I have severe social anxiety. By the time I thought about going I was in my late 30s, and just felt like I'd be too much of an outsider even among fellow outsiders - again, I shared almost no fandoms or ships with anyone I knew locally, and no one I'm friends with / know in person reads my fanfiction). Fandom was always an incredibly isolated experience for me.

When I joined AO3, it wasn't with a view to making friends. I was extremely burnt out, I'd quit my previous job as a professional artist because I couldn't see a way of making the income work out, and I just wanted to write a very angst-filled story that would help me deal with my loneliness which I didn't see as something that would ever change. Writing about a character who's experienced centuries of loneliness was like 'cool, yeah, I'm gonna write about him.'

I did end up making friends, but it was kind of by accident! And not all of those experiences were positive. One person in particular became quite toxic and cruel towards me, and I experienced my first kind of encounter with...I guess what I would call the uglier side of fandom life and also just friendship and relationships. It took me a long time to recover from that experience (and to learn what emotional abuse is), and after that I shut down and stopped kind of making friends on the internet.

I have made friends through the writing since (they're usually the mutuals I also have on Instagram, or here, or people I've DMed in Discord etc.), but I haven't really sought it out actively and I think anyone who knows me well enough that we've private messaged a few times, also knows that I'm quite aloof and reserved, and that I will engage quite deeply sometimes but then disappear for a few months (or years) re: communication, which is a remnant of a period of time where I used to get sometimes 200 Whatsapp messages in 5 minutes from someone who expected me to be accountable to her every second of every day when she was awake and wanted me to be.

On top of like, severe social anxiety + PTSD, and being very reserved in general, I would also say I'm very time poor. I don't have much time for the friends I already have and care about. I often view myself as quite a poor friend, who is not good at starting and even worse at maintaining connections. I'm also very private. As in, I will happily tell the world I have PTSD. But I won't tell my friends in a private conversation when I'm having a bad night, and I don't give friends many opportunities to connect. Even with really close friends, this is an ongoing issue that I'm working on.

So as for befriending, that's extremely sweet of you anon, but who I am in my personal life is sometimes very different to like... the way I can respond in comments or to anons, because it's actually easier for me to talk to strangers sometimes than it is for me to talk to friends, lol. I honestly think some of the people I consider my friends don't even know that I do, because I don't really behave like one. I chat online regularly to one person only, and one other person intermittently (and they're a romantic partner) and that's it. Everyone else I chat to pretty rarely in DM. But I do turn up in the Fae Tales Discord every day.

I don't actually think lots of people want to be my friend, tbh? Not in a 'woe is me' way, but simply because I think some people do grok that kind of... polite distance or that sort of warm 'I care for a lot of people but I am also quite personally walled off' kind of way. The good news is a lot of the folks in the Fae Tales Discord also share a lot of interest in writing trauma and recovery, or have those experiences, and I know a lot of good friends have been made within the like...faedom itself. A lot of neurodivergent, trauma-focused folks have met each other through this writing, and it's really cool seeing the different friendships that have sparked up between people. There's a lot of extremely like... skilled, talented, interesting people that I've met through this job, who I admire, respect and want the best for, and am very happy to talk to.

But yeah I'm a bit difficult to befriend, anon, and that's been an ongoing thing all my life, tbh. But it did specifically get worse in fandom because of some early fandom experiences when I started out in Rise of the Guardians fanfiction.

#asks and answers #personal #pia on fanfiction #tbh the idea of writing to make friends #is very strange and even a bit offputting to me #not that other people do it like i'm happy for them if they do #but it's just so far apart from why i started #i like making connections with my writing don't get me wrong #and i love meeting different people #but fandom was never a very social experience for me #to this day i hate discussing fandom headcanons with other people #and i don't like a lot of fandom meta #i always feel like i'm in fandom #and that i contribute to fandom #but in a very satellite / outsider kind of way #that's why i find it so easy to bounce from fandom to fandom once i'm done with a fic #i'm not saying i don't make friends with people in fandom ever #i'm saying i don't really make friends *in general*#and when i do those people often have no idea they are a friend because i'm not #very connected on a regular basis

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