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#I don't want to be confronted with emotion irl

english-and-arthistory-bachelor · 2 years

Text

None of us have really moved in yet but I can already tell how much this place will mean to us someday. to have this place is like having a promise that life will no longer be dull. There is something so special about sharing a home with your best friends. I love them both so much and I love how they are already turning this space into something more by adding personal touches as they go.

There is a white arch painted over our kitchen window, which is completely unnecessary except for aesthetic reasons. It was deliberately added to make the space more personal, to make it ours. I like to think of it as proof that we can make decisions together and we do it well. And someday soon it will brighten the space while we cook together and argue over what spices to use. And it will be there to see who can find the most ridiculous cookbook and who steals the others' cereal the most and who mixes the meanest drink and on and on and on. There will be life lived under this small decision.

There is a wall in R's bedroom that was spontaneously painted dark blue which was already a surprise, and the next time I stopped by it had been turned into a starry sky. The room was empty and already so full of personality that all Ikea homes can die jealous. I am proud to be friends with the person this room belongs to, and I can't wait to put that kind of heartfelt commitment into the rest of the place. The meticulous care and talent it took to get the stars just right is something inspiring and frightening to live this close to, I hope I will be better able to describe it in the future. It matches R so well, the careful attention and whimsy of it all. I wonder if R knows how far they will go, either way, it only seems right that they sleep amongst the stars. The starry sky reminds me of everything else I've ever seen R create and I can't wait to see more. What a privilege to know I will see more. What a privilege to live door to door with the night sky.

There is gold dust everywhere in B's room right now. Two walls are night blue, two are in an equally dark shade of grey and have been viciously attacked with gold dust. It clings to the walls in artistically uneven bursts and proves that this is not the room of any random college student but of someone with big ideas who has it in them to care. And while this was a sensibly planned and well-thought-out idea, much in contrast to the spontaneous artistic outburst that is R's room, the execution of it was a mess of trial and error. I hope we experience more chaos of the likes and I hope we keep that kind of commitment and I hope we will continue to care this much about everything in our home. Right now the gold looks suspiciously like a reflection of B's temperament; energetic outbursts of ideas and ambition with occasional dark moods in between, special to know and bright all the while.

There will be a little bit of all of us in the hallway. I want anyone who knows us to take one step in and know this is where we live. And I don't care that it will most likely end up messy and cluttered, so long as it feels like home. I can already see R's closet pressed to one wall because their room is too small to keep it there. A large mirror to the other, and pictures pinned to every bit of remaining space in-between. A shelf with books we trade amongst ourselves in the center. If I can convince the others, I will put down a yellow rug to tie it all together because that's the kind of piece that requires commitment and adds personality. And in the end, if the hallway could speak, it would say; 'this is us, and every piece here has a story from the forest green tapestry in the bathroom to the wooden secondhand kitchen table that cost no more than 20 bucks. This is home.'

There is a blue wall in my bedroom too. And I was the first one of us to choose blue as my accent color, to decide that I will not live in plain white walls just because adding color means I have to paint over them again someday. My room has character in its shape as is often the case in old buildings, I want to preserve that. I've used blue to accentuate some oddities like the nook where there used to be a door that will soon hold my desk. It is not quite complete yet and I have to find a way to soften some of its harder edges before it feels like home but I don't doubt that the others will help me. It's spacious and different and the exposed light bulbs I choose for a lamp make it feel brighter and bigger than it ought to be, a little like what speculating about our future feels like right now. I might switch them out for ones with warmer light but right now they are just right to sit under and dream.

When I decided to add color, I thought I was being overbearing again, that the others wouldn't care. But now we all have blue in our rooms and I can't wait to see in what other ways they will prove me wrong. All of a sudden I feel my life is a life worth romanticizing, and I have a favorite color again. They may never read this but silently I will continue to care, and whenever I now see blue, I will think; 'how wonderful and fortunate to know, I'm not the only one who cares' .

#personal #college #friends #all of this is true #original story #writing #english major #english #writers and poets #writerblr #university #romanticise everything #please don't let me be wrong about the future #please don't ever let my roommates find this #I don't want to be confronted with emotion irl

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jounosparticles · 6 months

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reply to the tags of your reply to my previous ask: PLEASE RANT TO ME ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP!!!! i want to hear. they rot my brain too and im glad that i found someone who's also suffering the suegiku takeover

OKAYOKAY YAY!!!!! this will be fun >:)

a huge suegiku analysis:

okay in the last ask you mentioned how tetchou stabs jouno for fun and sillies and stuff which happened to make me think a lot about how tetchou acts decently different around jouno than others.

tetchou is typically rather formal in the way he acts in a way? as in he's very straightforward, generally composed and calm in his words, and polite to anyone he's dealing with.

an example of this is when he still treated the cafe owner kindly despite him being an "accessory to terrorism" in jouno's words.

basically, in most situations, he remains very composed. even when he's up to his sillier antics (like when he was watching ants or doing pushups during a meeting). he's direct and straight-faced almost always around most people. he doesn't act that way to be seen as silly, it's just who he is (and i love it).

i would imagine he could act this way for many reasons. it is most likely him being professional, likely as a reference to the irl tetchou who had samurai lineage; making him act with the tone and professionalism of samurai.

despite his professionalism, maybe he has difficulty being expressive around most people, or maybe he doesn't want to be expressive around people by choice.

but this is where he's different around jouno.

firstly, i'll talk about the times he's stabbed jouno. this has happened twice, and both were to de-escalate jouno from his tendancy to mentally torment people.

the wording in these panels implies this is a regular occurrence. which is a little funny to me hehe.

anyway, we see by the way that he acts around others that usually he de-escalates situations by talking first instead of acting. he will turn to violence if he believes it's needed, but typically he talks first. we see this when he confronts kenji verbally before attacking.

yet with jouno he doesn't bother to tell him to stop first, instead opting to jab him. remembering that the hunting dogs have enhanced physical strength, a small stab wound probably isn't a huge deal for them.

because of this i think the stabbings are tetchou partially teasing jouno. him messing around like that isn't something he does with anybody else but he seems to enjoy pissing off his partner.

also. stabbing him directly in the ass? gay as hell. jouno following up by saying "don't poke my ass every single time" implies that his ass specially gets jabbed a lot. hmmmm

anyways

another example of this is when tetchou smirks/chuckles at jouno insisting that he's the greatest hunting dog. the small laugh was most definitely to bother jouno.

mmmm theyre both so pretty.

once again, tetchou pushes aside his composed self and being intentionally silly only really happens towards jouno.

arguably, this can be shown again in the pushups scene.

tetchou acting unbothered and then calling jouno's weight "just right" while he continues to exercise seems like a combination of him trying to (jokingly) annoy jouno as well as his tendency to not acknowledge his own actions as bothersome or odd to others.

anyway to sum up this segment: tetchou is only seen intentionally bothering and teasing jouno and nobody else. he acts much differently towards others but seems to let his professional guard down around only his partner. this shows a great layer of trust and comfort between the two!

oh. but im not done talking about this. not at all.

the other huge display of emotions for tetchou was everything that went down with kenji.

as displayed throughout most of tetchou's appearances, he's incredibly justice-orientated. he has a tendancy to put justice above everything. here's a couple panels showing this:

ooog tetchou is so pretty. i love that left panel so much

using his own logic here, he should have went after bram after having found him. tetchou even admitted that, but there was one other thing more important to him than that. jouno.

starting here, this panel takes place after bram and aya escape. at this point, tetchou had assumed the agency was using bram to control people; meaning it wasn't just kenji he technically had business with at that time.

i will also preface this by saying the book's influence likely had an impact on tetchou attacking kenji before they could finish talking.

however, the book's writing didn't stop tetchou from insisting on finding jouno before taking down the agency. his worry towards jouno's whereabouts made him change his stance on justice as well as deterred him from prioritizing taking down the agency.

now that he's talking to kenji, i'd like to start it by showing that he seemed genuinely grateful and happy when kenji initially offered to help him find jouno.

as well in the anime, his eyes soften when kenji offers to help.

after talking to kenji for a brief moment, he opts to attack instead of continuing. this seems out of character for tetchou; he even apologized to kenji before saying he needs to find jouno as quickly as possible.

the fact that he apologized, combined with how we've seen him treat people in the past shows that this isn't typically what he resorts to.

also, in the anime we can see the gloss his eyes slightly shaking as he says this line, which could display worry, sadness, or anger towards whatever could be happening to his partner.

he seems almost distraught, which is a huge contrast to his typically-composed self.

and, of course; there's the fact that mid-fight tetchou had to tell kenji that jouno is a good person despite what people think.

he looks genuinely sad here, as if he's speaking from his heart. jouno has very-clearly put up a tough exterior that he uses around everyone, but tetchou goes out of his way to defend him even when he absolutely doesn't need to.

he could have stayed silent or just said he wants his coworker back, but he insisted on stating that jouno is a good person.

it's also important to note that nobody else tends to speak kindly of jouno, which puts a lot more depth on their closeness to each other. tetchou sees through jouno's words and actions and knows that he is heavily misunderstood.

and of course, we have tetchou directly saying that he will place jouno above justice despite knowing what the right course of action should have been.

he is putting jouno above the very thing he basis his career as well as his morality on. that's how worried he is. that's how much he cares.

and in this panel, we see he's extremely angry towards kenji's lack of response.

lets compare this to the first time tetchou fought the agency.

in chapter 61, when he was fighting the agency alongside jouno; he kept a more menacing/intimidating look as he attacked. when he was not attacking, he kept calm-looking despite being pissed off. compared to when he was fighting kenji in chapter 100 and looked infuriated. even the different fonts used for the dialogue puts further emphasis on this.

now, i'm going to jump ahead to the end of tetchou and kenji's fight. tetchou recognizes his mistake and asks kenji to kill him.

it's important to note that his reasoning as to why he should have chased justice was because he doesn't think jouno would have condoned his choice.

he specified it again, even opting to call jouno his friend. also note how white his eyes are here, meaning his intent was pure and he genuinely felt awful for misjudging what jouno would have wanted. he cares so much that he was asking to be killed for misunderstanding what was the correct course of action.

and then after kenji insists on helping him find jouno instead, he smiles in relief before the two pass out.

one last small note is that we've only ever seen tetchou smile three times throughout the manga so far, and all of them were mentioned here and involved jouno.

to sum it all up: tetchou, who is typically very composed and justice-orientated, is willing to throw aside his entire stance on justice for jouno. he lets his professional guard down around his friend, allowing them to tease each other and be silly as well, which he doesn't appear to do around others often. this shows that the two have a close bond and genuinely care so much about each other.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

as for jouno, i don't have as much to say however there definitely is a few things i'd like to touch on.

firstly, despite claiming to hate tetchou a lot, jouno still uses a respectful honourific (-san) whenever he refers to him. i'm not a japanese speaker so please feel free to correct me if i'm wrong but there's a good chance jouno would opt to not use an honorific at all if he genuinely detested tetchou as much as he claims.

and when it comes to teasing, jouno does it much more often than tetchou does (however he also messes with more people, it's just a personality difference between the two).

clearly with the way they act around each other, jouno does not actually hate tetchou. i think they like to bother each other by play-bullying.

also, noting on jouno's criminal past, he was given an easy oppurtunity to be thrown into the DoA where he could be incredibly powerful and would likely not face any consequences for his actions had he joined.

we know he declined fukuchi's offer because he found joy in saving innocent people. but i would the influence of the other hunting dogs helped set him into that place of mind. tetchou seems to be the one he works with most, so there's a good chance he takes a lot of inspiration from how tetchou handles justice.

another thing i noticed with jouno is that his displaying of emotions is almost an inverse of how tetchou acts. jouno keeps smiling a lot despite who he's speaking to. in contrast, he can keep a straight face when interacting with tetchou a lot.

of course, that could make it seem as if jouno is unhappy around tetchou, but i would argue it's the opposite.

some people will force a happy expression to appear unassuming or kind (or in a lot of jouno's cases, intimidating). so him allowing himself to maintain a straight face around tetchou could mean that he is comfortable enough around him to not feel the need to express everything. he doesn't need to keep his guard up around tetchou.

jouno almost always keeps a very happy or calm composure around enemies, likely as an intimidation factor. yet he allows himself to express frustration and annoyance around the hunting dogs in general, and most often with tetchou. i'd like to imagine this just shows his security in his partner.

jouno talking to an enemy, for reference ^ i also just really love this page hehe

the last thing i'll mention here is a lot of speculation on my behalf. however i think that jouno seems like the type to push away those close to him. i kind of perceived his supposed hatred towards tetchou to be a combination of joking around as well as possibly a defense mechanism to try and avoid keeping people close?

my main reason in stating that is that he's claimed to not like any of his coworkers yet still opts to not betray them and still works well with them. if he truly hated tetchou, he probably wouldn't allow them to work together. he likely says such things to avoid being liked too much, and these actions proved to work since tetchou acknowledged that everyone sees jouno as cold.

yet through all that tetchou still knew he was good despite the exterior, which makes them well-suited for each other.

anyways: i feel like these two really do treat each other much differently than they treat the other people around them. that puts a lot of emphasis on their bond and closeness in general. they can be silly around each other, they can get through arguments no problem, they make a great team, and clearly care about each other a ton! they mean so much to me <3

i love my sillies :)

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sundrop-writes · 16 days

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When Doves Cry

Jason Todd x Gar Logan

How can you just leave me standing - alone in a world that’s so cold? So cold. Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like: When Doves Cry.

This fic is dedicated to a husband who has never given up on me.

Love is infinite, patient, and always welcomes you home.

Summary:

At Dick's insistence, Jason comes back to Wayne Manor to help the Titans end Crane's deadly plan. Jason doesn't want redemption or forgiveness - he's done believing that he's worthy of those. Once Crane is back at Arkham where he belongs, Jason plans to disappear, never to be heard from again.

But Gar - someone who never stopped loving Jason and never stopped believing in his goodness - has other plans.

Jason Todd x Gar Logan. Friends to Lovers/Lovers Reunited. Smut and Emotional Angst. Set during Season 3, Episode 13.

Word Count: 11,100

DC Titans Masterlist | AO3 Link

Detailed warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: this is a character x character fic - no reader character here; this is M/M; emotional angst - Jason's self deprecating inner monologue; Jason being emotionally constipated; mentions of Jason's past trauma - including being kidnapped by Deathstroke, and his canon suicide attempt; canon level violence (mentions of guns/gun violence, mentions of killing/mentions of Jason killing people); mentions of Jason's death and resurrection; mentions of Gar mourning Jason's death; mentions of Gar's canon trauma - being forced to murder people while under Cadmus' mind control, having brain surgery performed on him to achieve that mind control; implications of Dick/Hank/Dawn being in a poly relationship because I literally cannot help myself; mentions of Jason being injured from the confrontation that goes down at Wayne Manor in 3x13 (which is canon) - the injuries are vaguely described as 'bumps and bruises'; mentions of Jason's substance abuse - including the Anti-Fear Gas (which yes, even though it's fictional, is still substance abuse), alcohol, and implications toward other unnamed drugs; there is mentions of Jason/Rose - but in this version of things, their interactions were one single kiss and Jason never had any true feelings for her; because of his attraction to Rose - Jason is very much bisexual in this, and though it's not mentioned that Gar has been with a woman (or anyone aside from Jason lmao) - I always headcanon him as bi and write him as bi just so you know; mentions of Gar and Jason having a previous sexual relationship during their time living together at Titans Tower (but that relationship was purely sexual and not romantic); implications that The Pit changed Jason's body somewhat, including making his dick bigger; smut - M/M smut; biting/marking kink (from Gar toward Jason) - at one point, Gar bites down hard enough to draw blood; wet ?? humping/grinding; mentions of Jason and Gar masturbating; passing mention of sex toys (a dildo); anal sex with lots of (real!!!) lube; unprotected sex - they don't use a condom (but there is no mention of STDs and technically they are monogamous even if they didn't discuss it, but irl you should always use one!! don't be like them); Jason bottoming while Gar tops; scent kink - Gar and Jason both really like the way that the other person smells; Jason is a power bottom at first and then becomes more submissive; Gar is very possessive/animalistic during sex; some dirty talk; emotional/passionate sex; creampie kink - Gar cums inside of Jason and they both really like it; a warning for literally licking wounds - Gar licks a cut on Jason's forehead that he has from the fight (this IS NOT blood kink - it's about him caring for Jason because his animal instincts are telling him licking the wound will make it better/soothe it) (btw I am not shaming those with a blood kink, I have written blood kink before and I love it - I just wanted to clarify the tone of the moment); this fic does have a happy ending if that makes you more motivated to read it. I believe that is actually, finally it.

A/N: In case it's not already clearly labelled - there is no reader character in this fic! It is very different from what I usually write, but I felt very inspired and the request that @nctzenkane gave me was just too good not to write. Jason and Gar have so much chemistry in the show, they are such an obvious ship, and they never even got to say goodbye to each other. (The writers make it so convenient that Gar is just not in the room during Jason's pivotal moments - sigh.) Anyway - I love JayGar as a ship and I feel like this fic sums up everything I love about them, as well as giving them the ending they should have gotten. They should have ended up together and Jason should have gotten forgiveness from the Titans family. I hope you guys enjoy this fic even though it's not like my typical stuff, and if you sit this one out - please know that this one did wonders for my creative flow as a writer, and I will be back with more amazing things later. Also, I know that this fic is gonna make my Top Ten Favourite Fics of the year when I make that list for 2024. I was not at all expecting to write this fic but I absolutely love it so much omg. Also - even though I started my taglist a little while ago, I decided not to use the taglist for this particular fic because it's so different from my usual stuff. But the taglist will be used for all upcoming fics.

...

“I have to believe that this dude we fought alongside - my friend - he’s not all bad.”

Gar purposefully put emphasis on those two words, trying his hardest to remind Dick of what Jason was to them. At least, what he should be. A friend. Even if Dick wanted to deny it, Jason had been a Titan once. He had been part of their family. Even if Gar was the only one who still remembered that; even if he was the only one who still remembered Jason’s good side. Even if Gar was the only one who had ever truly loved him - the others needed to remember what being a part of that family meant, and what their obligations were to Jason because of it.

No matter what Dick claimed, Jason hadn’t turned into some evil villain overnight. He had his own reasons for what he was doing, and that meant he could be reasoned with. (Gar knew that it was difficult to reason with Jason - but he knew it could be done.)

Dick’s silence was deafening. Maybe he didn’t want to tell his tender-hearted friend what he really thought of Jason now; those tiny streaks of things that he had been secretly thinking for a long time. Or perhaps - Gar was really getting through to him.

Jason needed to come home. Despite what everyone else believed: he could be saved.

…

All of it was Dick’s idea. Gar still wasn’t even entirely clear on half of it, but the bulk of it involved using his newly acquired - still very undeveloped - ability of turning into a bat so that he could fly up to Jason’s unlocked bedroom window and breach the house’s security system undetected.

No matter how much Gar stressed the fact that he can’t fly, Dick kept telling that it would be okay - that he just had to believe in himself, blah blah. The typical leader speech jargon that he used to convince people to do dangerous things. Gar felt like he shouldn’t have been so easily convinced, but he knew that a lot was on the line - he knew that Crane needed to be stopped. So he put aside sense and transformed, and flew off toward the window even though he barely knew how to control himself in this state.

He was so damn dizzy when he landed. He could taste vomit swelling up inside his mouth and he forcefully pushed it back down. The world was spinning around him in an utterly cruel way and he could barely comprehend anything - he was naked and he needed clothes, so grabbing Jason’s shirt off the floor was nothing but pure instinct. The smell of Jason’s stupid strong cologne - so entrenched in the bedroom’s walls, mixed with the natural musk of sweat in the bedsheets - it should have made Gar even more dizzy and nauseous, but instead, it grounded him. It made him feel safe.

Dig, if you will, the picture of you and I engaged in a kiss. The sweat of your body covers me. Can you, my darling - can you picture this?

It was one of the only things that gave him a true, firm center while the world was spinning so damn hard, still undulating under his hands and knees while he dug his fingers into the expensive carpet, gritting his teeth with how much he absolutely hated the sensation.

Gar and Jason have always been the same size.

It was something they found out days into living together at Titans Tower, when Jason got out of bed and put on one of Gar’s favorite hoodies without a word. He never apologized for getting milk chocolate on it and letting it stain. From that point on, their wardrobe easily blended into one. Jason wore ‘nerd shirts’ with logos that he had no clue about the meaning behind, and Gar found himself wearing more black and more band tees with logos for bands that he couldn’t stand the loud, angry music of.

After Dick had confessed everything that had happened with Jericho, Jason pulled away on the screeching tires of his motorcycle, and ended up taking some of Gar’s clothes with him. This left Gar with the pain of accidentally pulling something out of his drawer that still smelled like Jason - sleeping in sheets that definitely still reeked of that strong cologne. In fact, Gar had been wearing one of Jason’s black hoodies on the night that Cadmus had stormed the Tower - on the night his life had forever changed.

In the present, when Gar left Jason’s room dressed head to toe in Jason’s clothes, it felt natural. It felt natural to be surrounded by that scent. It gave a certain kind of unconscious comfort to his overwhelmed instincts during such a chaotic time. It wasn’t even something he had put that much thought into. Instead, he was far more focused on using the remote Dick had instructed him to grab in order to disarm the alarm system - a task he was incredibly worried about getting right.

With Dick in his ear giving him instructions to defuse the alarm, even with the terrible itch of anxiety creeping down his neck - he felt a certain sense of safety from being wrapped in Jason’s clothes. Even when the sound of gunfire came from down the hall - something that nearly paralyzed him with fear, part of him still foolishly felt bulletproof because of that familiar shirt on his back.

When he rounded the corner, the first thing that truly made him freeze up during all of this was actually seeing Jason for the first time in so long.

It was a true shock to his system.

After all the talk of Jason - a death that he barely had time to mourn, so heavy in his heart and barely processed by his mind. After finding out that the person behind Red Hood’s mask had once been his best friend, somehow stolen from the morgue and woken up from what should have been a permanent sleep due to the treacherous waters of the Lazarus Pit. After spending all that time talking Dick’s ear off, trying to convince him to let Jason come home, where he truly belonged; after feeling so damn fruitless in doing so. After tracking down Molly, trying to stand united with one of Jason’s last true friends in an effort not to see him hurt.

After all of that, everything Gar had been through over the past few weeks, actually seeing Jason in front of him - it was like having ice water poured down his back.

He froze up standing there, and he knew that the expression on his face must have been that of dumbstruck delirium.

He hadn’t expected their reunion to be anything like this.

When Jason had first stormed out of Titans Tower, Gar had imagined that he would come back. Even after he had screamed at the top of his lungs, telling Dick to fuck off, and followed that up by screaming at Rose not to touch him when she had tried to grab his arm in some poor attempt at ‘comfort’, daring anybody else not to follow him - Gar had thought that it would be only a matter of hours before Jason came back.

At the time, he had texted Jason after everyone else scrambled out like cockroaches fleeing from the light, and he had told Jason that it was safe to come back because they would be alone together (save for Conner’s unconscious body). He had expected that statement alone would cause Jason to eagerly come running back.

He thought that it would be a predictable reunion.

Jason would come back puffy-eyed and stinking of booze, stumbling, furiously denying that he had even been upset, saying that he would never let Dick Grayson get under his skin. Slurring his words while also denying that he had been drinking and driving his bike - because he didn’t want Gar to ‘narc’ on him about it.

Gar would put him in the shower and douse him in cold water to sober him up while trying not to scold him about the potential of crashing the stupid speeding death machine due to being drunk. They would go to bed together and Jason would fall asleep holding onto him for dear life. And he would still make Jason the best hangover breakfast that vegan soy substitutes can offer (and Jason would complain about Gar not cooking with ‘real’ bacon, but he would still clean his plate). And Jason would sneak a kiss over the sudsy dish water that would turn into soapy grab-ass, and he would have wanted to fuck Gar across the kitchen counter just because nobody else was around to complain about it.

(Maybe that last part was just a fantasy Gar cooked up with his hand on his cock in his bed at the Tower when he was missing Jason a bit too much. But still, it felt like something Jason would do.)

When the days passed and Jason still hadn’t responded to him - still hadn’t come home, Gar tried to deny that he missed the mouthy asshole. He tried to weed those shirts out of his laundry so that he could stop being constantly reminded of Jason. He tried to keep his crying limited to the shower, or muffled into his pillow at night.

And then, he didn’t have to worry as much about that stuff, because he got distracted and busy when Conner woke up. Introducing the clone to the world, teaching him to be a Titan.

When he got his brain scrambled, between the taste of blood in his mouth and the distant sound of a done drill - memories of Jason flickered in front of him, and when he was present enough in reality, he knew that Jason running far away was a good thing. It meant that Gar couldn’t hurt someone like him. Someone he loved who didn’t have any meta powers to defend himself - someone who was only flesh and bone with no way to defend against a six hundred pound uncontrollable tiger pouncing on him.

There were moments of mental clarity, tiny little moments when Mercy wasn’t humming in his ear. Moment when he prayed that he would never see Jason again - because he never wanted the blood in his mouth to belong to Jason.

After Rachel helped him gain back control, he still wondered if he was capable of hurting Jason, even by mistake. He was almost glad when Jason rode away from Donna’s funeral in the opposite direction. (Almost.) Because that feeling of missing him came back harder than ever days after the funeral, when the dust had settled. When he realized that he was fully in control of his powers - working well as a Titan, and the only thing missing from the picture in his mind was having Robin right there by his side, working as the perfect duo Jason always knew they could be.

When Gar found out about Jason’s death, he felt numb. It had never felt real. Sure, denial is the first stage of grief - but Gar never truly felt like he was living on the same earth where Jason was not. He felt like the world should have stopped. Or at the very least - he should have gone down with Jason.

He kept imagining that someone would wake him up from the nightmare - that someone would shake him and he would wake up in his bed months earlier, with Conner still in a coma, only to find out that everything that had happened at Cadmus had been one big horrible dream. He would open his eyes to find out that Jason was still alive, waiting to sneak out and get veggie burgers with him at three in the morning.

But no. There was a grave in the backyard of Wayne Manor with his name on it - even if Gar had seen it empty after Dick had dug it up in a manic state. Just to make himself feel like he wasn’t totally crazy, Gar had searched through Bruce’s files and found Jason’s morgue paperwork, wanting to fully confirm that Jason had even died in the first place. After seeing the attached photos of Jason’s bashed-in skull caused him to lose his lunch, he knew then that it was very much real. It wasn’t just a horrific dream.

Jason had died and somehow been brought back from that.

Even then, Gar imagined their reunion to be very different from this.

But here he was - standing in one of the many hallways of Wayne Manor, staring Jason down like a deer in headlights, his heart pounding while his wide eyes fixated on the person he thought that he would never get to see again. Someone covered in bumps and bruises from a fight, looking much more worn down by the world than the guy who used to laugh at Gar’s shitty puns.

Dream, if you can, a courtyard- An ocean of violets in bloom. Animals strike curious poses. They feel the heat - the heat between me and you.

Jason’s eyes flickered down and locked on Gar’s chest, or rather - fixated on his shirt. Jason’s shirt that Gar was wearing. In a moment, he felt more naked than he ever did when he stripped down in public to transform. He felt so fucking caught. Of course Jason knew that Gar was wearing his clothes. Gar could have claimed that it was out of pure convenience, but somehow, as if he was part animal himself - Jason’s pupils dilated and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly. It was almost like he could smell the fatal yearning coming off Gar, everything about him that said: ‘I love you, I missed you, I need you’.

“Jason-” Gar croaked out.

There was no chance for conversation.

A streak of movement behind Jason’s heavily armored shoulder realigned Gar’s priorities in a snap.

“Look out!” He shouted, pointing sharply behind Jason before he ducked for cover himself.

Jason didn’t hesitate - he fired his gun, taking the enemy out. He did a visual check of the hallway to make sure that nobody else was coming before he turned back to Gar - who was crouching tightly against one of the divots in the complex design of the old house.

“I’m here for you.” Jason said - finding that he felt far too naked in his own way with how utterly vulnerable this sounded.

Especially when Gar’s lips quivered, almost as if desperate to cry out for him, to thank him for coming home - something.

“I’m here to help. Dick sent me.” He quickly amended, attempting to clarify that this was all business.

Even though, with Gar’s large, glassy eyes staring him down - he couldn’t be sure that’s what it was.

He didn’t have too much time to grind through the details of it, though. They had to get through the business aspects of it or there wouldn’t be any personal details left to untangle because they would all be dead.

They split off, following a plan that Dick had carefully laid out, and Gar was proud when Tim and Dick led Crane out of the Batcave in shackles.

With the relief of knowing that they had won, Gar quickly set about finding Jason once again - to thank him, to ask him what their next move was, to kiss him - he wasn’t quite sure yet. But he felt gleeful.

All that glee was slashed when he caught Jason in his old bedroom, packing a bag.

He had stripped out of his Red Hood armor from the waist-up, and Gar was met with the shocking sight of bright purple welts smothered across the broad of his back. It made Gar’s natural urge toward sympathy ache, especially when it came to Jason. But that feeling conflicted with nothing but boiling anger at the sight of him furiously stuffing things into a duffle bag he had placed into the middle of his bed - clearly trying to rescue everything he could from his old life on the way out.

How can you just leave me standing alone in a world that’s so cold? So cold.

He was running away. Again.

“Going somewhere?” Gar asked, trying to sound tough when his voice was trembling at the very thought of Jason leaving him again.

If he was less mature, he would have dropped to the floor and thrown a catastrophic toddler fit, flailing his limbs and screaming at the top of his lungs. He would have demanded that Jason stay, telling him that he simply wasn’t allowed to leave.

He knew that it was selfish, but it just made Gar feel so disposable. The fact that Jason came into his life, made him laugh, made him smile, fucked him like they were in love, made him care - and then he wanted to run away like Gar meant nothing to him. He knew that Jason had his own issues - a list of problems and past traumas longer than his arm, but Gar would have run away with him. Jason didn’t have to be sentenced to solitude.

All these thoughts caused a sheen of tears to form in Gar’s eyes - the sadness battling with the anger inside his chest. He was threatening to spill those tears by the time Jason whipped around - partially startled, partially angry that his plans to disappear again had been disrupted.

Jason mirrored back his own wet eyes at seeing Gar so upset, but quickly blinked the tears away.

“I was never here.” He quietly croaked. “I can’t-”

“You can’t ‘what’?” Gar barked back, cutting him off.

This was the most cruel way that he had ever spoken to Jason, but he was fed up, to say the least. All of the emotions that he had been politely festering with now boiled over. The grief, the mourning, the loneliness - all of it spilled over at once.

“You can’t stay?” He asked, raising his voice in anger. “You can’t admit that someone actually cares about you for you for once in your fucking life?”

Maybe I’m just too demanding. Maybe I’m just like my father - too bold.

Jason’s face quivered at this.

He knew Gar cared about him. Of course he did. But that was why he had to run. He couldn’t let Gar risk his place with the Titans for a murderous piece of shit like himself. He threatened to break into sobs and he forced himself to become steel. Without Crane’s drugs running through his system, he felt even more weak and chaotic - but he couldn’t let Gar be the drop of water that broke his dam after all these weeks.

“I can’t stay.” He said solemnly, his eyes glued to the floor, refusing to look at Gar. “I - I can’t… stay.” It hung in the air for the moment as the words truly sunk in for him. He had been so busy packing in order to flee that he hadn’t even fully realized why. Now it was even more painful. “They won’t let me.”

The realization pierced through Gar’s heart like a knife.

This wasn’t just about him. Of course it wasn’t.

The thing that he had been fighting for, fighting against all this time - the idea that Jason wasn’t even worthy to come home because he was some crazed killer. Gar wasn’t the only one who got a vote. Gar wasn’t the only one to claim love for him or deny him.

If Gar’s love for him was the only thing that mattered, then the whole thing could have been smoothed over weeks ago. Maybe Jason wouldn’t have left in the first place. Maybe Jason wouldn’t have been balanced on the edge of a roof about to jump off while Gar had been sleeping.

Gar wheezed out a harsh breath - almost as if the pain of the realization had literally pierced his lung, and he was having difficulty breathing because of it.

“Stay.” Gar begged, hardly realizing that he was crying openly now. “I’ll talk to Dick, I’ll-”

Maybe you’re just like my mother: She’s never satisfied.

“I can’t.” Jason said bitterly, entirely defiant. “You know I can’t. Not after everything that’s happened. Especially not after Hank.”

There was a careful kind of mourning in Jason’s voice when he said the name - and potently, he flipped back around then, unable to face Gar after bringing it up. He continued to pack his bag as Gar stared at his back, his throat tightening harshly around everything that he had to say in reply.

Gar loved Hank as a friend - as a mentor, someone to look up to. But even now, he couldn’t fully blame Jason for Hank’s death. He knew that it was all a part of Crane’s plan. He knew that Jason was sorry. Before, that fact was something he had based solely on his knowledge of Jason - but now he could base it on Jason’s very clear guilt towards the situation.

Gar knew that if he told Dick that he forgave Jason for Hank’s death - it would put them on bad terms. Dick had known Hank for longer. And there had been something more there (something more between Dawn, and Hank, and Dick). Something that made that scar extra tender for Dick.

Gar had to find a better way to explain it. Perhaps tell the team that he had once been a pawn himself - he had been to Mercy Graves what Jason was to Crane. And he knew that if she put him alone in a room with Hank and told him to kill, he couldn’t have been sure that his sterling morals and his willpower alone would have held up against everything that she did to him.

Why was the situation with Jason any different?

Why were they so determined not to forgive him?

Out of the corner of his eye, something broke up his contemplative thinking - Jason slipped a tee shirt over his head, and Gar couldn’t ignore the glaring shade of green that said it was one of his. It caused a possessive streak to roll through him - he had a difficult time holding back a feral growl as it flared up in his throat.

It made him only able to focus on one thing.

“What about before?” Gar croaked out, disappointment apparent in his voice.

Jason looked over his shoulder with gentle confusion, and he felt the need to clarify.

“What about everything that happened before Hank?” Gar rephrased the question. “Doesn’t that matter?”

Why do we scream at each other?

Jason wanted to say - yes, of course it does.

But it felt so much more complicated than that.

“Gar-” He barely choked the name out before he was cut off.

Gar couldn’t stand to hear more excuses - more reasons as to why Jason was going to cut and run. He reached a hand up to Jason’s neck and pulled him into a kiss before anything else could come spilling from his mouth.

It felt like trying to desperately claw his way into the front door of a home he once knew - a house that was now cold and abandoned as Jason stood stalk still, purposefully not kissing him back. Jason wasn’t letting him in - not giving him a single sign that there was any love left there. That there had even been love here in the first place.

Deep down, Jason was terrified. If he gave in and kissed Gar back - he would be done for. He would be opening himself up to a world of hurt that he once thought he could erase with doses of Anti-Fear Gas.

Gar was used to playfulness; teeth nibbling on his lips, laughter in the air. He was used to a hand reaching for the tie on the front of his sweatpants while that cocky voice muttered lustful ‘threats’ against his mouth - something about how he was ‘going to get it’ - when in actuality, Jason was always the one who ended up a moaning mess on his cock.

Tears spilled hotly from the corners of his eyes and a sobbed choked out from the back of his throat when Jason was completely still against him. He was being so coldly denied - Jason was like stone, fighting off everything he had missed most from Gar because he still felt like he had to run, and this was nothing more than a distraction from that.

“Please.” Gar wept against his mouth.

It was one of the hardest things he had ever done, but - Jason didn’t move.

This is what it sounds like: When Doves Cry.

Gar pulled back harshly then. When his wet eyes fell to the Triforce printed in the middle of Jason’s chest, further signaling that it wasn’t his shirt (because he likely had no clue what the symbol meant or what it even was) - Gar felt a wave of rage overtake him. He gripped the hem of the green shirt and didn’t hesitate to yank it up over Jason’s head. Rather than the typical heat that this action would lead to, there was nothing but bitter tension in the air as Gar waved the ball-up fabric in front of Jason’s face.

“This is mine.” He choked out, barely holding back a wave of sobs. “So - so if you’re leaving, you can’t take it with you. You can’t be that much of an asshole. You can’t just take everything that belongs to me.”

Gar choked on his own words, holding back more.

They both knew that the words held a dangerous double meaning. If he was going to run, he would be taking so much that belonged to Gar - so much more than some fabric that they had once blissfully shared.

He would be ripping Gar’s heart out of his chest and taking it with him.

Jason looked at him with tears now leaking from his eyes. Oceanic blue swimming in bloodshot red - not a pretty sight, by any means. He took in a heavy breath, but his stomach was visibly trembling where he was holding in his own sobs.

He wanted Gar to tell him to stay. He didn’t want Gar to be okay with him leaving - he wanted it to be such a fight that he couldn’t just walk away.

Touch if you will, my stomach. Feel how it trembles inside. You’ve got the butterflies all tied up. Don’t make me chase you - even doves have pride.

Gar - still feeling the need to comfort Jason, even stewing in all his anger toward this man he called lover, enemy, or friend - dropped the shirt on the floor and reached out, smoothing his hands over Jason’s hips. He leaned in and laid the most feather-light butterfly kisses across Jason’s shoulder, and Jason choked on another sob.

Gar smoothed a hand over Jason’s stomach, and under the intense heat of Gar’s large palm - his muscles calmed. Any cries of anguish died off inside of him and he was able to gather enough breath to speak as Gar laid a gentle cheek on his shoulder.

“You - you can’t do this.” Jason whispered, the weakest protest he could have come up with.

Gar only hummed in response. This close to Jason, he could almost feel that thing inside Jason, yearning for him, crying out to him.

He knew that Jason didn’t want to leave. He knew that if he was patient, Jason would crumble to the need as much as he was.

He already felt as though he had won.

“You’re a fucking hypocrite.” Jason added on, his words slightly steadier now. He curled his fingers into the fabric of the shirt Gar was wearing - the one he had picked up off of Jason’s bedroom floor when he had landed. “This is mine.”

Gar wanted to make some sarcastic jest about how he wasn’t planning on leaving while wearing it - but he became choked up at how the words sounded. As though Jason was truly claiming him - something he had been waiting to hear for so damn long.

He lifted his head to ask if it was true - if Jason would stay for him or if they could flee together - but Jason caught the back of his neck and slammed their lips together, stealing any words that Gar was planning to speak.

There was a certain fierceness that followed next - a battle of stubborn wills that was as stiff and tense as their words.

Passion and love and anger are spears all lined up on the same fence, all equally sharpened - Gar was still angry with Jason for leaving in the first place and never coming back. He still blamed Jason for all those months of bitter loneliness that he had felt, for being left there in the Tower with no help when Cadmus had attacked. Deep in the back of his mind, there was a fantasy of the night they attacked - of Beast Boy and Robin operating as the perfect team to snub out evil.

Jason was still mad at Gar for not chasing him, for not asking him to come home. Mad at him for not making more of an effort, for siding with Dick on seemingly everything.

He had no clue how hard Gar had fought to bring him home. How much Gar’s voice had burrowed into the ears of the others, especially Dick, being the only remaining one to speak up, vouching for Jason’s good side. If he had been a fly on the wall, perhaps he would have bowed at Gar’s feet, thanking him.

But instead - these lopsided views created a bitter stubbornness. Something that made the kiss feral and angry - gnashing teeth and hot, hard breaths as they grabbed and groped at each other, battling with their own anger and swelling up with that love they tried so hard to deny.

Why bother staying so angry with someone if you didn’t care about them? Why take that much time and effort to be pissed off if you wouldn’t just forgive the person out of love at the end of the day?

Jason ripped off Gar’s shirt - the borrowed shirt that only further reminded him of everything he had missed out on, the home he couldn’t come back to. He threw it to the floor, trying his best to forget about it - but this only made way for Gar’s hot skin underneath his own, forcing more temptation as they made more skin-on-skin contact.

He let out a kind of wounded sound when Gar gripped the back of his head and swept down, his mouth tracing along Jason’s neck, digging his teeth in. He was still unsure if he was trying to claim Jason in that animalistic way and make it impossible for him to leave or if he was just taking that anger out on him, trying to cause a little bit of pain - trying to make Jason feel a fraction of what he had felt. Either way, his teeth were savage and frantic on Jason’s skin, and Jason’s nerves screamed pleasurably with the full effects of it.

“Fuck,” Jason moaned out as Gar sunk his teeth in harder. “Fuck you.”

Gar was about to make some clever reply - the typical ‘you should’ or ‘I’m trying to’.

But he was caught off guard, silenced when Jason put a hand in the middle of his now bare chest and shoved him back toward the bed - causing him to sprawl beside the bag that Jason had been trying to steal away with. He poofed out across the luxurious, expensive mattress; there was a worrying second as he looked up at Jason when he believed that Jason might just pick up that bag and run.

He could use this as his opportunity to flee.

But instead, Jason eyed him up and down heavily - lustful eyes casting a thick gaze over Gar’s body. Looking over every inch of him carefully, from his now ruffled hair, down across his heaving chest, to the place where Jason’s borrowed pants were hanging low on his hips - the thickness of his hard cock very apparent between his thighs with no underwear on underneath them.

Jason knew it was temptation. Fondness.

At the time, perhaps he considered it ‘one last hurrah’. But in truth, it was the breaking point - the point of no return. The point at which Gar had truly hooked him in and reeled him back. Between those big, beautiful brown eyes staring up at him with a combination of intense affection and fear at the possibility of him leaving and that fat cock practically calling to him - Jason was done for.

Jason reached for the button on his own pants, and Gar remained frozen for a moment.

“Well,” Jason said impatiently. Gar still didn’t move, unsure what was expected of him in that moment. “Get your fuckin’ pants off. I know you’re not shy about stripping down, ya damn nudist.”

Gar felt the tension leave his body with a stiff exhale. He wanted to make some smartass comment, but found himself lacking. Instead, he became distracted by rushing to get the pants off and watching the flexing of Jason’s muscles while he worked to get his own pants and boots off.

All he could muster up was:

“You - you’re an asshole,” Gar chuckled out, throwing Jason a genuine smile as he kicked the fabric off his ankles, leaving himself wonderfully bare in the middle of the bed.

Gar’s eyes traced over Jason’s naked body - he seemed more thick and muscular than the last time Gar had seen him. Had he been training harder in the time that he’d been gone? Though his overall build was still much the same - matching Gar in stature, though Gar’s muscles were leaner and softer compared to Jason now. And if Gar wasn’t mistaken, Jason’s cock was bigger? Though that seemed more like a trick of the eye. (Though, it was still a good two or three inches smaller than Gar’s, which Jason often called ‘monstrous’ and joked that he could barely walk after taking.)

Gar didn’t have too much time to admire Jason’s nudity before Jason was on top of him, bumping their cocks together as he climbed onto Gar’s lap.

Gar let out a harsh growl from deep within his chest at the feeling of his sensitive dick being touched by someone else for the first time in months - for the first time since Jason had stormed away from the Tower in a fit. Since then, he’d had nothing but his own hand and distant memories of Jason fueled by the fading smell on the clothes he’d left behind.

Even then, it’s not like he had the opportunity or even the desire to touch himself all that often - not with the chaos going on in his life. So having a warm body in his lap again - the warm body of someone he had missed so fucking much - it reignited the fire inside of him like poking holes in a gasoline tankard and lighting a match.

“Fuck, Jay.”

Gar reached up and tightly, possessively grabbed Jason by the ass, pulling him closer instinctively. This caused the echo of a whimper from within Jason’s throat as he bent down to take Gar’s lips again. Jason’s hands planted firmly on the hard muscle of Gar’s chest and Gar kept that needy grasp on Jason’s ass - wanting to keep Jason as close to him as possible.

The touch quickly turned into moving Jason on top of him, grinding Jason’s body on top of his so that their cocks were gyrating together - a perfectly filthy clash of hot skin that fit together so well after they had been apart for too long.

They moaned into each other’s mouths and Jason forced his tongue past Gar’s sweet, pink lips - as if he was still trying to put up that fight, still trying to show that he held some power over the man underneath him. Gar’s cock was leaking furiously and soon the slide of their two cocks became wet and glossy while Gar’s bright pink cockhead was continually nudged against his stomach, making a mess against his abs and staining slickness all over Jason’s eager, throbbing dick.

“Fuck. Fuck, man.” Jason hissed, pulling away from the kiss, a new urgency pumped into him.

Gar felt a slight streak of disappointment when Jason looked away from him - like a fictional pixie, fading away for the slightest moment without Jason’s attention. The feeling was doubled when Jason took the touch of his chest. He actually found himself whimpering like a pathetic puppy as he wondered what Jason was doing.

It made a bit more sense when Jason frantically unzipped his would-be getaway bag - rifling through the pockets, ripping out spare underwear and - fuck, of course, more of Gar’s bright green shirts that he had stolen - until he came back with a bottle in hand.

Lube.

Of course. Of course that would be something Jason considered to be an essential to travel with when he was stealing away into the night, never to be seen or heard from again.

Gar would have made some kind of joke about it, but he found his mouth dry, and he was far too horny and mesmerized, his blood pumping through him at top speed as he watched Jason. Who uncapped the bottle and squirted some onto his fingers - then his hand disappeared behind him while he tensed his thighs and hiked his body higher up onto his knees, clearly with the intent to finger himself open in preparation for Gar’s cock.

Gar huffed out hot breath.

It had been so damn long.

He felt his cock pulse with fierce need and spurt out more pathetic spurts of precum, making his stomach even more shiny as it began to pool inside his belly button. He rubbed his hands lovingly over Jason’s thighs as he continued to watch with the utmost rapture, his eyes drinking in every single inch of the beautiful body in front of him - the flexing muscles, the sharpness of Jason’s hips, the thickness of his thighs, the way his perfect, modest cock bobbed between his thighs while he worked. His plump, pink bottom lip snagged between his teeth while he tried to contain his moans. Something that turned the sounds into the most beautiful little grunts that Gar had ever heard.

After a few moments, Jason pulled his fingers from himself with a sinfully wet sound, and then he reached for the bottle of lube again. Gar was surprised though when he went straight to pouring the shockingly cool liquid across Gar’s cock.

Typically it took them a lot more work to get Jason ready to take Gar, seeing as he was a bit longer than nine inches, impressively thick - and though he tried his hardest to be gentle - when Jason begged him and nagged him with purpose, he could sometimes get carried away. (Jason claimed that he liked the feeling of soreness afterwards, but Gar sometimes felt guilty for letting go of self control and pounding into Jason like an animal.)

“You - you want more help?” Gar choked out.

With Jason’s hand on his cock, spreading the wetness, he was already pushing his orgasm down past the onslaught of sensations - the lube warming under Jason’s hot touch, the purposefully loose grip that Jason had on his dick that just made him itch and made him want more.

Jason grunted in reply.

“I fucked myself this morning.” He said, distinctly not making eye contact with Gar. Instead, continuing to stare at his own hand as he picked up the bottle and poured more wetness around his grip on that impressive, thick cock, and then spread it around.

He almost added on: ‘I was thinking about you when I did it.’

But somehow, even now - that felt too emotionally vulnerable.

Gar quickly became swallowed up by heated thoughts of this. He became consumed by the visual image of Jason splayed out on a bed somewhere, (wherever he had been staying since he had left), fucking himself with his fingers shoved deep inside his well-lubed hole while his other hand moved frantically on his cock. Or even better, pounding a toy inside of himself like the one Gar had found snooping through his room while looking for anything he could use to help Jason against Crane.

He would look so fucking good like that, spread open on the unforgiving thickness of the silicone, desperate whines and moans coming from his lips because it was good, but it just wasn’t right. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t perfect like having Gar’s hot body on top of him while Gar’s big cock carved out a spot deep inside his guts-

While Gar was distracted by these thoughts, Jason took the opportunity to line up the now well-lubed dick with his prepped hole and sink down onto Gar without another word. This caught Gar off guard, stealing his breath in the best way. It was smooth and slick and he didn’t waste a second before putting his entire body weight onto Gar, letting his ass rest flush with Gar’s pelvis so that Gar’s impressive cock was fully inside of him.

“Jay - oh, fuck.”

Gar let out a chest-rattling moan and quickly became dizzy, and it didn’t even occur to him that Jason had skipped putting a condom on him. So, this was the first time that he was bare inside Jason, absolutely no barriers between them. He couldn’t mentally comprehend it, and all he could think was - of course it was hotter, of course it felt better - he hadn’t seen Jason for so long, he had forgotten how perfect Jason felt around him, he had forgotten that it felt this fucking good.

“God, fuck, Gar, your dick-” Jason mumbled out, clearly lost in a haze of pleasure himself.

Jason didn’t waste a second - with Gar too pleasure-numb, Jason simply took what he needed. He planted his hands on Gar’s chest while Gar’s hands rested dumbly on his thighs, and he began frantically bouncing up and down on Gar’s dick, impaling himself on that beautiful big cock, quickly creating a good rhythm. He watched with awe and swelling adoration as his eyes locked on the man below him.

Gar looked so perfect like this.

His body was a sculpture of perfection, like Adonis himself, carved from marble. Every single time Jason got him naked in bed, he wondered how the hell he had gotten so lucky. With his pink lips parted as increasingly loud moans escaped him and his brows creased with pleasure, bits of that distinct green hair stuck to his forehead from the efforts. His stomach fluttering and flexing every single time Jason slammed his hips down and took Gar back inside him fully, Gar’s body glistening with sweat, slick from their encounter so far - he was a picture of perfection, not a single flaw that Jason could pick out.

And while his hole was tingling with the pleasure of having Gar inside him again and his cock was throbbing as it danced between them, beginning to sputter out precum now - he was beginning to ache with a brand new need.

He was chasing a sexual need, of course, but he was also growing frantic with an emotional need that he had pushed down for so many months. He had missed Gar so fucking much. So much it hurt - and he had used so much to try and forget about it - the Anti Fear gas, the intense focus on Crane’s mission, the booze, the distance.

But now it was all right here in front of him - those moans he had missed so much, that green hair, the smell of someone so distinct that he had tried huffing off clothing like a drug that he couldn’t buy anywhere off the street. He swallowed thickly and tried his best to hold back tears, and was only reminded of this more when Gar’s fingers dug into his hips - a firm but loving grasp that only more deeply reminded him of who he was fucking. Reminded him of what he had missed out on.

“Dammit,” Jason huffed out. “Fuck - your-your cock is so good,”

Usually he was a motormouth during sex. He was infamous for never shutting up until his orgasm hit him like a truck. If it was spitting out ‘fuckboy’-esque promises that he never could keep because he usually wasn’t the one fucking Gar’s brains out (but rather, mindlessly taking a cock), or horny blabbering as he begged for more - his tongue was constantly sputtering out something while Gar touched him.

So he thought that talking would be a good distraction from the horrible knot in his gut - from this thing that he was feeling. He didn’t need to deal with those stupid fucking feelings right now. He just didn’t.

“So fuckin’ big.” Jason whined. “You feel so good inside me.”

Gar grunted in return, taking a tighter hold on Jason’s hips and helping more now. He helped Jason slam down harder, causing a harsher collision of their skin each time - a sharp, wet slapping that sounded absolutely sinful in the room. It made Jason feel fuller somehow, and he let out a downright whorish sound, struggling to get out his next words.

“God - I - fuck -” He whined. “Your cock - Gar - you feel so-”

“Yeah.” Gar breathed back in reply, encouraging him. “Yeah, Jay.”

With another hard slam of Gar’s hips up into his hole, Jason’s mouth was knocked loose.

“Missed this dick.” He breathed out. “Missed this - missed this so much. Missed you.”

It was a stubborn admission that even the world’s harshest torture couldn’t have pulled out of him. But the feeling of Gar’s cock deep inside of him, those fingers digging into his flesh like he owned Jason - that was enough to have his tongue loosening around his secrets and have him spilling into vulnerability like it was his fucking job.

Jason didn’t have enough time for the sting of regret to settle over saying the words, because something inside Gar snapped. The mourning in Jason’s voice, knowing that Jason has missed him just as much - he went from dumb and lustful as Jason bounced on his cock to swelling with that passionate anger once again. He had missed too much time with Jason, and he needed to make up for it. He needed Jason to know that he couldn’t just run away - that he mattered.

He became filled with the determined need to show Jason that he couldn’t leave - he could never leave, because Gar had missed him too.

Gar loved him. Gar needed him.

They needed each other.

Gar grabbed him around the waist and with a deep growl that was truly bordering on animal this time, he flipped Jason over onto his back. His cock slipped out of Jason, slick from the lube, causing Jason to make a startled, disappointed noise as he suddenly felt far too empty. When Gar leaned over Jason and felt Jason’s getaway bag brushing against his knee, a swell of offense came over him. He reached for the bag, shoving it off the bed without a second thought - spilling clothes and other random items across the floor out of the open zippers, something that neither of them paid any mind to in the following hours.

“Please, Gar-” Jason breathed out, and from there, anything else in the world was shut out for him and Gar.

Maybe what they had done before could never be considered making love - but they certainly had their moments. Times when Jason would kiss Gar’s forehead after making him cum, before getting out of bed without a word. Times when Gar grabbed both of Jason’s hands and interlocked their fingers while he rocked his cock deep inside of him. But for the most part, they fucked filthy and horny and desperate. They fucked like two guys in a race to get each other off - and it worked for them.

But this felt different.

As Gar slipped his cock back inside of Jason, he locked eyes with the man below him and a spark ran through him that said this was different. This wasn’t turning to the closest warm body out of convenience or boredom. This wasn’t just a friendship with some very particular, spectacular benefits. This was the intense gaze of a lover, locked into a stare that said the rest of the world was locked out, completely forgotten just because Gar was touching him.

This was coming home.

This meant that nothing else mattered - no past transgressions, no supposed mistakes, no demanding corrupt figures that had used them as pawns in their own games - none of it could even be seen as Jason locked his knees around Gar’s lower back, holding him tightly in place, silently begging him not to go too far.

A quiet: please, don’t leave me, I need you.

I need you just as much as you need me. I swear it.

Gar held back more tears, and his next huff of breath turned into another low growl - a sound that had Jason whining quietly and clenching down on his cock. That hint at his more animal side had always been something Jason had liked - especially knowing that Gar was the most tame ‘beast’ he had ever met. Ironic, considering that Gar could turn into a six hundred pound tiger and he could shred people with his teeth at will. But Gar was the most gentle person Jason had ever known - someone he trusted with his life within a day of knowing him. Someone better than his own blood relatives and shitty foster ‘families’ who had tossed him out onto the street without a second thought.

Gar was never a beast, no matter what he was capable of.

“Please.” Jason begged, his voice slightly choked and breathless.

He held on tightly to the side of Gar’s face, the other hand straying around to grip the back of Gar’s shoulder - and though Gar’s cock was already throbbing and threatening to blow far too early, he knew he couldn’t deny Jason any longer.

Gar pressed his forehead into Jason’s neck, unable to stand the piercing interrogation of that gaze - looking for atonement, looking for validation, looking for love. Gar would give him all of those things, and he fucking will - but he couldn’t concentrate on that and delivering a quality fuck at the same time. Jason deserved that, too. He deserved to cum in a spectacular and satisfying way.

With his concentration a bit steadier, Gar began to fuck his hips forward - fucking into Jason in slow, smooth strokes.

“Jay, fuck,” He moaned out. “So fucking good. You’re so fucking good.”

Jason let out a high whine in return and Gar sped up his hips - fucking into Jason faster, but nowhere near as fast as Jason had been riding him. It was still so tender and slow, deep and firm as the thickness of his cock truly made a home inside of Jason that reminded them both exactly where he belonged.

Jason’s voice warbled - becoming nothing but a nonsensical echo of weak sounds dispersing into the air. Gar couldn’t help himself; he kissed a trail from the middle of Jason’s chest up his neck once again, taking the time to lay a few more possessive bites across Jason’s neck before he reached his face. When he felt roughness under his lips, it truly sunk in that Jason had been hurt - he had picked up a few injuries while fighting to defend him and the other Titans. Jason had put his body on the line for them.

How could Jason ever be bad if he was willing to get hurt in order to protect his family?

A swell of passion and possessiveness streaked through him again.

His tongue sneaked out of his mouth and he licked over the cut above Jason’s eye like a cat trying to lick the wound clean, all of his instincts heightened with the lust pumping through him. Something in his lust-drunken brain was screaming at him that Jason needed this care, and nothing more than the saliva from his tongue would make Jason feel better.

He did this, kitten licking across the cut, while he continually ground his hips deeply against Jason’s, stuffing his cock ever deeper into Jason’s needy hole. It made for a breath-taking combination of care, attention, and heat that made Jason’s stomach curl.

“Gar-” He gasped out. “I - ah - fuck!”

Gar gave another little lick and then moved to grab both of Jason’s hands, entwining their fingers on both sides as he had done in the past. Previous times Jason had laughed about it or called him cheesy, or even suggested that Gar use handcuffs instead if he truly wanted to pin Jason down. But this time, as Gar brought the grip of their tangled hands up above Jason’s head and continued fucking him so deeply. Jason only let out another shuddering gasp and looked Gar in the eyes with a glassy look that said he was truly gone.

He had surrendered everything to Gar now.

He couldn’t have run from this if he tried.

“Come on,” Gar grunted, slamming his hips a little harder, a little more determined - pulling back a bit more, going a bit deeper. It was a motion that pulled louder sounds from Jason, that made him tremble.

“Cum for me.” He breathed into Jason’s ear. “Cum on my cock - so good for me. Cum for me, show me how much you missed me.”

Gar kept Jason pinned by their joined hands and by his hips holding Jason tightly to the bed. With his cock slamming into Jason in fierce, heavy, hard strokes - and with Jason’s cock jostling between them, brushing against Gar’s impossibly hot stomach - it was difficult for him to deny the order. With those words spoken in that perfect voice, floating in his ears, the orgasm shot through his body like his soul awakening - like he was truly feeling himself for the first time since he had woken up after The Pit.

“Shh - shit! Ah! Fuck!”

He gasped and struggled to get air into his lungs, and Gar cloaked his mouth over Jason’s gaping lips, fucking him right through it. Jason’s cock jumped and jolted between them, painting both their stomachs with his cum while his hole tightened and clenched around Gar - while he shook beneath Gar and tightly grasped Gar’s hands.

It was utterly perfect.

“Please, please, please-” Jason gasped, frantic.

He needed Gar to cum, too. He needed the feeling to be complete.

Gar let out another growl, shoving his head into Jason’s neck, taking a healthy whiff of his sweat as he fucked his hips hard into Jason.

“Mine.” He growled possessively into Jason’s skin. “Mine, mine, mine-” He punctuated each slap of his hips into Jason’s ass with the word, his mind filled with this as though it were the one true thing in the world.

“Mine.”

A final pathetic dribble of cum escaped Jason before Gar’s cock began pumping into him. As he came, Gar’s teeth latched onto his neck once again, biting down hard enough to pull blood this time - creating a twinge of copper under Gar’s tongue and wringing even more inhuman sounds out of Jason.

Gar pressed his hips as deep as possible into Jason, making them both utterly high on the feeling of his cum fucking deep into Jason for the first time. Jason feeling it so warm inside of him and having it pool and leak down over Gar’s balls - it only further reminded them how utterly close they were, how deeply Gar had marked Jason, how Jason was cursed to return back to Gar because he needed this - it was a deep reminder of how Gar was his home.

Tears leaked from Jason’s eyes and Gar licked them away, grinding his hips deep into Jason - causing stray whimpers and aftershocks of pleasure while his cock began to soften.

“God, oh-”

“I know.” Gar replied, his voice more ragged than he imagined it should be.

When he pulled out, it felt like a shock to both of their systems. Too empty, too distant - even still so close to a warm body, too cold.

Jason’s first instinct was to get up and go to the bathroom to clean up. Especially feeling the stickiness and the mess all over his body as he came down from the high. But Gar rolled onto his back and put a tight arm around his back.

“Sleep now.” Gar told him, puffing out an oddly cute little yawn. For someone who had just fucked his brains out - he now resembled a sleepy little house cat.

Jason found that he couldn’t really argue with that.

…

Even though Jason was exhausted and hadn’t slept much in the past few weeks, he woke up long before Gar did.

There was still so much worry plaguing him.

Oddly enough, Gar’s snoring was more of a comfort than it was a disturbance. It reminded him of sharing a wall with Gar when their bedrooms had been so close together; when he had laid awake at night after scurrying out of Gar’s bed at top speed after they had fucked, wondering what it would have been like if he had decided to stay.

Back then, it felt like the end of the world to open up to Gar. But now, he couldn’t help but to wonder if it would have saved him in the long run.

Titans Tower was never the perfect place for him. It only ever felt livable because Gar had been there. They grew so close so quickly - at the time, Jason had tried to convince himself that it was just friendship. That it was the delusion of being stuck in close quarters. Gar was convenient - he was a good fuck, close by, and he was hot. He was someone Jason could get off with while Dick and Bruce had him locked up. And most of all, Gar was pleasant to be around. He didn’t look down on Jason like he was just some street rat, and he didn’t expect Jason to perform miracles just because he had taken on the mantle of Robin.

Gar treated him like an equal. At the time, that was the best that Jason could ask for.

Jason didn’t think there were any possible downsides to being close with Gar, and letting himself have some sexual relief in the process.

Until Deathstroke.

If he had any feelings for Gar, he had been suppressing them, and then - Gar argued with him about going out to hunt down Doctor Light. He felt betrayed. He felt like Gar didn’t understand him anyway, like Gar would always side with Bruce’s favorite - Good Old Dickie. The one thing he had been putting Gar on a pedestal for - treating him as an equal - was slashed away within seconds.

Back then, Jason couldn’t think rationally. He felt like he needed to capture Doctor Light and bring him in to get back in Bruce’s good graces, to show the Titans what he could do. He had no clue that Gar was scared for him; that he was acting out of fear, trying to protect Jason. (Something he would continue to do no matter what, apparently.)

At the time, Jason was insecure and stir crazy and he let it get to him.

And then, he was blindfolded, strapped to a chair, stabbed, and beaten, and all he could think of was how much he was going to disappoint Gar. How much he was going to hurt him. Bruce, Dick, and the other Titans were the farthest thing from his mind - all he could think about were the last time those soft lips had been on his, the flash of green hair. The utterly disappointed look Gar had given him when he had declined to call Dick for back-up before going into the train tunnels.

Gar thought Jason was stupid. But Gar was so damn soft-hearted. And Jason couldn’t stop thinking about how much he was going to hurt Gar with his idiotic antics. How much he was going to take from someone who didn’t deserve it.

As he was strapped to that chair, watching Deathstroke sharpen the sword, all he could think about was the look on Gar’s face - the tears he was going to cry when he was eventually told about Jason being sliced open. Especially because he knew that Gar would blame himself for not saving Jason, for not calling Dick sooner - and it was all Jason’s own stupid fault.

When he got back, somehow unscathed, he kept his distance from Gar. It hadn’t happened then, but the day would come when he would bring Gar a lot of undue pain - and if he started severing their ‘friendship’ now, then he could eventually soften the blow. At least, that was his line of thinking. He kept far away from Gar’s room when he needed that comfort more than ever, thinking that it would both do them better in the long run.

When a knock came on his door, he was surprised that it was Rose, and not Gar - and he was pissed off and annoyed more than anything. She was persistent and he was tired.

When she barged her way in, he found a particular part of his brain nagging at him - telling him that technically, he was still single. He shouldn’t get so attached to Gar anyway, because it would only hurt them both later on. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to be attached - he wanted to know that he could run at any time. He needed to know that he wouldn’t get hurt. More importantly, that he wouldn’t hurt someone soft and caring like Gar.

He wanted to be able to say that everything going on between him and Gar was just sex.

So he let himself kiss Rose.

And he felt absolutely nothing.

When she told him: ‘Don’t be stupid and maybe it’ll happen again.’

He wanted to bark out: ‘It won’t.’

But he didn’t want to lay it all out. He didn’t want to tell her of all people that he was in love with his best friend and that’s why he wasn’t available. He wasn’t ready to say it out loud - and that’s why he settled for simply telling her to loudly fuck off as he stormed out of Titans Tower, determined to be alone. Especially when Gar did nothing more than stare him down with sad eyes, not moving a muscle, making no efforts to chase him.

He was meant to be alone. Or so he thought.

It was very clear that Gar had other plans.

Gar - who was currently snoring beside him with the presence of a slumbering lion. Perhaps Gar had skewed his idea of what it might actually be like to sleep beside a lion - wholly warm, downright hot, with heat radiating off his skin like a furnace, utterly soft and cuddly even though he was so muscled, someone who slept with his mouth agape and snored loudly - but in a pleasantly rhythmic way. He was a perfect, quaint, slumbering beast.

He made Jason feel safe.

It was not a luxury Jason had often in life. Maybe it was the thing that kept him coming back to Gar, again and again - that precious feeling of safety. It truly was better than any drug.

More and more presently by the minute, Jason was reminded of the mess - the unpleasant drying cum between his cheeks and on his lower stomach, leaking out of him and no longer pleasantly warm. It made him want a shower. He didn’t want to scare Gar by having him wake up to an empty bed, but he also didn’t want to wake him, steal sleep away from him when he clearly desperately needed it.

Jason nudged his way to the edge of the bed, trying to sneak away to the bathroom - but when he heard a harsh snort from Gar, he knew him well enough to know that this had signaled the end of his sleep; a harsh jolt awake.

“Where are you going?” Gar mumbled tiredly, not even having his eyes fully open yet before he frantically looked around for Jason.

“I was just gonna go shower, crawl outta my ass.” Jason hissed back, still feeling a bit raw and defensive.

He knew that Gar would sacrifice anything for him, but he still felt unworthy. Like a puffer fish growing big in defense, Jason was spitting out sourness in a last-ditch attempt to get Gar to change his mind - to shift his thinking last minute and suddenly see the truth: to find him unworthy.

Jason was almost shocked when Gar smiled.

Gar held back a clever quip about how he had made a home inside Jason’s ass and he wasn’t going to change that now.

“I’ll come with you.” He said instead. “Hot shower sounds nice right about now.”

“You should stay and sleep.” Jason told him, still teetering on the edge of the bed. “You’re clearly tired.”

“And you’re not?” Gar probed back.

There was a moment of tense silence. Jason didn’t offer up a reply.

“Come on, what’s this about?” Gar asked, fully opening his eyes now, propping himself up on one elbow to stare Jason down.

“After I get dressed, I have to go and talk to Dick.” Jason declared.

The words were heavy in the air.

The admission that he no longer felt the need to run. That he wanted to make an effort to stay, that he actually wanted to ask for his place back with the Titans.

Gar wanted to squeal with glee. Naturally, he held himself back. There would be a few more bumps in the road before Jason was officially home.

“Not by yourself.” Gar told him sharply.

Jason’s jaw clenched. He was afraid to admit that he needed the help. It was something he had been afraid of for a long time.

But he knew that without Gar’s help, without Gar vouching for him in Dick’s eyes, the conversation would likely only go one way.

And he needed to come home. He needed to stay.

Jason felt weak, and his voice was quiet when he finally mustered it up.

“Okay.”

It was a weak surrender. But things between him and Gar had never been that kind of battle. Not the kind of battle that he had with Bruce, or with Dick, or even with himself. There was never any true hatred there. Just the kind of fierce anger you feel when you love someone so much that you fear losing them.

So this surrender didn’t feel like a stain on his record - didn’t feel too much like giving up, after all. Not when the picture he ended up with had him and Gar in the same frame. It was something that made him feel more content and less defeated when Gar poorly concealed a smile in response - and then pulled him in for a kiss before getting up to grab towels for their shower.

...

A/N: This is a standalone oneshot, so please do not ask for a second part or a continuation. If you are going to comment, please comment about the body of work that has been written.

Also, typically, I don't write character x character fics, so if you randomly found this in tags and you really like it - I apologize, because the rest of my masterlist is not like this and I won't be writing anything else like it anytime soon. I do write a lot of Titans fics and I have a lot more of them on my masterlist, so if you enjoy my style of smut or if you really enjoy my characterization of these two, then you should definitely check out the other things I have written - particularly No Place Like Home, which has a lot more JayGar scenes in it.

If you do really like my writing style and you want to see Titans x Reader fics (which is what I typically write), then you can follow me and sign up for my DC Titans Taglist by replying to this post asking to be put on the taglist or sending me an ask about it. Anyway, glad you enjoying the fic if you read this far, thanks for reading!!

#sundrop writes #dc titans #titans fanfiction #jaygar #jason todd x gar logan #jason todd fanfiction #jason todd smut #gar logan fanfiction #garfield logan fanfiction #gar logan smut #dc titans fanfiction

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the-archetype-of-civilization · 1 year

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Some ATSV things that I love.

-SPOILERS AHEAD-

Gwen's world is gorgeous and the fact that it helps to convey emotions so well is awesome.

I can't say for certain, but the part where Lizard Parker's hand is sticking out of the rubble is similar to Green Goblin's hand sticking out when he died in ITSV. Funnily enough, that's when both Peters died.

Spot goes through a similar arc as Miles: they both have these abilities that they awkwardly try to utilize, fail often, and end up hurting themselves in the process. The difference is that Miles had a mentor and friends to help him through his trauma and loneliness and channel his powers for good. Spot had no one and, although he had a much easier grasp of his abilities and was far quicker to adapt to them than Miles, he channels his powers with hatred.

Uncle Aaron caring for Rio and Miles in Earth 42 after Jeff's death says more about him than he thinks.

Miles is such a tragic character in some of the less obvious but still hurtful ways: he's actively giving up his pursuit of art in exchange for science just so he can see his friends, he has no IRL friends, his Spider friends were not allowed and/or chose not to see him when they had the ability to, he's outcasted by the Spider Society actively, they KNEW he was an anomaly and chose not to tell him, him becoming Spider-Man was by chance, he learned his dad was "fated" to die, and he inadvertently caused Spot's creation (though, that was mainly Spot's own fault to be fair). It sucks, but he still keeps going because he's gonna "do his own thing." Absolute chad. I love the Spider peeps, even Miles' friend squad, but, respectfully, fuck 'em (minus Hobie, for obvious punk reasons).

This prevailing theme of "you can't just ignore your problems, you need to face them" is so good, and it's apparent through Gwen. She flat out says "I don't know how to fix this" when she reveals herself to her dad and just goes on a whole separate adventure, escaping her world and her problems, just ignoring it. And she's finally forced to confront her problems and herself when she's kicked out of the Spider Society, saying the same exact thing when she finds her dad again.

Gwen didn't kill Peter and she says as much to her dad, but I'm sure she feels guilty about it and that's probably why she tries to ignore it and not talk about it, denying that part of herself and further adding to the "denying her problems" and, by extension, herself.

This may be a personal thing, but it's interesting that characters seem more expressive and open about their feelings when the mask is on, rather than when they're off. They're more comfortable when they're hiding behind a mask, and are more guarded and insecure about themselves when the mask is off. Again, this might just be pure personal speculation.

Another great theme I love is that not everyone knows what they're doing, and that's okay. Kids, teens, adults. "No one has a personal handbook." And that's awesome and something that everyone needs to hear. And even the people that think they know what they're doing, don't (Miguel, Jess).

Following that, I love that it leads into "trusting yourself" and why Miles rejecting what everyone is saying how his story should go and doing his own thing hits so hard. He doesn't know if what he's doing is right, but he wants to do the right thing and he's going to fight hard to do it. Gwen has trouble realizing this because of another point I'm gonna bring up after, but she starts to understand that at the end as well. Same for Peter when he doubts he'll be a good father for Mayday. Do right for yourself through others. And, in a way, that works for Miguel as well in trying to do right by the multiverse (needs of the many vs. needs of the few), but it became twisted from trauma to the point of zealotry and a bad habit.

Gwen's mentors (Miguel and Jess, most likely) twisted her view of what the right thing to do is. She's learning from them what THEY think is the right thing to do, rather than trusting herself. She fell into a crowd that, indirectly, used her at her most vulnerable moment when she was the most doubtful about herself to become their asset. It's cruel, but she learned from it after she was kicked out. And it also shows that Peter really WAS a good mentor to Miles in comparison.

Miles inherits the Spider-Man trait better than any other Spidey in the Society. "What's important is not standing by while allowing someone to suffer or die because you do nothing. If you don't get that, then you don't know the first thing about being Spider-Man." He does this without a second thought and INSTINCTUALLY. The fact that everyone CHOOSES to sacrifice is bonkers, a sacrifice is only viable when there's no other option when taking action. Miles LEARNED from his inaction in the first movie, now he's practically teaching everyone by example.

I don't agree with everyone saying that he needs to sacrifice to be a true Spider-Man, when this movie and ITSV before it is a critique of the Spider-Man mythos: that a Spider-Man is only a true hero until they have lost someone dear to them. Miles is an anomaly, and I feel like this only adds to him being the outlier if he goes BEYOND the curse and is able to save both his dad and the multiverse. If Raimi's Spider-Man could do it, so can he. And Gwen's dad is now alive and well, too! Not everything is set in stone, even Lyla said as much: "That's what the model says..."

Rio's speech to Miles is some of the most heartwarming, genuine, motherly writing I've seen in a long time and is a top highlight in the movie for me. And I think this is what kept Miles going through his escape from the Spider Society, standing firm against everyone saying he didn't belong and that he was going to get home safe and sound like she wanted.

"Meanwhile, the cakes take a ride..."

Also, the super long quiet moment after Gwen leaves and Rio is there to console him is such a nice breather. Allowing the film to soak and the characters to breathe is awesome, just seeing Miles react to seeing his friend leave with simple silence against the NY ambience is such under utilized filmmaking. LET FILMS BREATHE AND TAKE THEIR TIME.

Miguel's twisted view isn't without merit and I understand where he's coming from. He's taking these steps because he was forced to have this narrow-minded view of saving the world and what it means to be Spider-Man because of the trauma he experienced, that you NEED to sacrifice in order to save everyone else. His steps to do it are messed up and bordering antagonistic (especially when Miles is in the picture), but he's doing it for the right reasons (he watched an entire universe become erased because of his selfishness). But it's the wrong execution. He's a better written villain with understandable motives than Thanos, in my eyes.

And I really love that Miguel was willing to talk down Miles about what was at stake, to reason with him and empathize with him about the cost of his choices and where it lead him ("Trust me, I know") before he...jumped to an ultimatum.

The music fucking slaps, and I don't just mean in terms of melody and sound and all that. It tells a story as well without the movie, it has its themes perfectly interwoven (like a web heheh) together and creates a thematically rich soundtrack. Pemberton can create so many moods in one track effortlessly it's insane, all the way from heartwarming, to terrifying, to brutal, to epic, to heroic, to fun. Top marks.

"I'm gonna take everything from you, like you took everything from me. See you back home...Spider-Man" is terrifyingly delivered and a chilling line.

I don't need to say anything more about Hobie than anyone else has, but I severely misjudged him like Miles did and I love being proven wrong. Especially with the discussion about him being more brotherly towards him. I also liked that he saluted Mayday and knows how to handle a baby, looking out for the kids and all like he does.

Addendum, seeing Miguel being able to handle a baby as well is heartwarming and heartbreaking for obvious reasons.

The part where Hobie uses his legs to block Miles from going almost feels like he's trying to warn Miles not to go any further, that it's not gonna end well. Gotta love Hobie, man.

Peter's little speech to Miles is really nice, and something everyone needs a reminder of, too. "Bad things are gonna happen, but good things happen, too." It's short, simple, and sweet. Although, in the context of it basically being "yeah, your dad is gonna die, but something good will come from it, too," that's pretty messed up.

Seeing Miles' borderline evil smirk when he starts sapping Miguel's electricity is wild.

In relation to that, Miles has grown up so much. You can see that he's been able to calm himself down more and have better control of his abilities. You can especially see it when he's facing 42 Miles: his eyes relax, he steadies his breathing, and he has complete focus. That's when his powers come out. I love watching my boy work.

Side note to that last part about 42 Miles, our Miles clearly learned from Peter when he tore his gloved finger to use his powers: "Watch the hands, not the mouth."

Miles' "good bye" to Gwen is so sad, but you can hear he's grown from it. From them. He sounds so heavy hearted and disappointed. Again, I need to reiterate to his friend squad, really uncool, guys.

When they were going through every Spider person's captain death tally and there was Hobie's, his reply ("Yeah, what of it?") is heartbreaking.

In ITSV as well, but I love how they animate hugs in this movie. And I love how often it happens, too. They're quick and tight, but look and probably feel as warm as they look. It's a very affection heavy movie.

"The 'Spider Verse'...huh. That's...stupid" is such a dickhead thing to say, but it's so hilarious. It feels like something that would only be utterable in a comic book setting. It works.

That twist at the end is expertly crafted and I've talked about it in another post, and that cliffhanger (although painful to us viewers) is a perfect way to cap off that it's the beginning of the end and that all of the players are set, the pieces are in place. An Empire Strikes Back equivalent but in glorious comic book form, tone and all.

Anyway, movie good. I probably have more to say and maybe I'll make another post when I think more about this movie (I inevitably will). But yeah, I had to get this out of my head. Thanks.

Also, side note, Spider-Cat and Pter Ptarker should be named Peter Purrker and Petyrannosaurus Prex. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Edit: I'm sorry, I keep updating this post thinking that it's the last and then I think about something else that I love and have to put it in. This movie is brain rot.

Edit 2: I made another post because I can't help myself.

#spider man #spider man across the spider verse #spider man across the spiderverse #across the spiderverse #across the spider verse #atsv #spider verse #spiderverse #miguel ohara #miguel o'hara #miles morales #gwen stacy #peter b parker #peter parker #jessica drew #rio morales #aaron davis

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goodwhump-temp · 7 months

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Ryan Gosling Whump - Multiple Movies

The Nice Guys - Holland March

06:00 - Hungover 07:00 - Shaving cut 09:50 - Dumb asf, glass cut, profusely bleeding, weak, ambulance, weak, high (drogas) 12:30 - Punched, bloody nose, thrown, kicked, knocked down, left radius fractured, aiaiai scream, arm casted 22:00 - Upset 25:25 - Jumpscare 37:00 - Can't smell 41:50 - Drunk, falls off balcony, rolls down hill, pain, freaks out, nausea 51:00 - Car crash 58:50 - Drinking in misery, passes out 1:05:00 - Berated ((1:06:35) adorable interaction) 1:11:25 - Shaking (scared), screams 1:20:00 - Hallucinating, car crash, screaming 1:24:30 - Shot at, screams (???), freaks out (mishandled gun) 1:35:00 - Held at gunpoint, misinterprets life & dream, 1:39:40 - "Drunk", "crying", falls from roof, hallucinating, freaks out x2, shot at, chased, falls from different roof, hit by car, emotionally happy, limping 1:50:30 - Freaks out (bee)

The Grey Man - Sierra Six

01:00 - Prison 09:10 - Punched multiple times, hit with bar x2, manhandled 26:30 - Betrayed, punched, headbutted, plane torn in half, falling 40:20 - Badass 44:20 - Scars, abusive father 47:00 - Betrayed, falls down well, coughing, bloody mouth, limp 53:30 - Pepper-sprayed, annoyed, jumps out window, limp, held at gunpoint, betrayed-ish, handcuffed, tranquilized 58:00 - Drowsy 1:06:30 - Shot at, knocked back from explosion, held at gunpoint 1:09:40 - Chased by two different groups, hit by car, pain, restrained x2, shot at, caught in the middle of firefight, cornered on train, manhandled, elbowed, jumps off derailing train 1:19:50 - Fake injury 1:20:40 - Hand stabbed, body slammed, pain (obvio), headbutted, punched, kicked into glass, decked, punched, stabbed w/ scissors, wacked with defibrilator x2, shot at, bleeding out 1:25:00 - Bleeding out, bandaging, talks about childhood 1:38:00 - Headbutted, shot at 1:43:00 - Boss fight, punched x6, sliced x6, stabbed x3, drowning x2 (irl/flashback), shot, bleeding out, tired, medevac

Drive - Ryan Gosling

03:00 - Looks tired 15:20 - Car crash stunt 35:00++ - Heartbroken 41:00 - Annoyed 51:30 - Nervous, shot at 59:00 - Annoyed 1:01:00 - Ambushed/betrayed, shot at 1:03:00 - Stitches, angry/sad? 1:05:00 - Angry 1:10:05 - Slapped 1:12:00 - Angry outburst, emotional, betrayed, angry 1:22:00 - Crying 1:26:00 - Car crash 1:29:00 - Sad/scared 1:32:00 - Stabbed, bleeding profusely

Stay - Henry Letham

The whole movie - Suicidal/depressed 1:21:00 - Head bleeding 1:23:00 - Emotional confrontation 1:25:00 - Saddest shit you'll ever see in your entire life

Crazy Stupid Love - Jacob Palmer

1:29:00 - Freaking out, punched, manhandled-ish, tackled by 4 guys

Barbie - Ken (I don't want to watch the movie)

somewhere near the beginning - heartbroken somewhere near the middle - heartbroken somewhere near the end - Sobbing, suicidal

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blazinghotfoggynights · 2 months

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I hope the 9-1-1 TPTB bring the drama.

There. I said it. I want to see angst, struggling, emotional turmoil, crying, maybe a few holes punched in the wall, again, screaming, arguing. Everything.

They have been freed from the conservative prison that is the you know what network. Why not go big or go home?

Now, some people will say read this and say I'm messy.

Okay. If you think that bothers me, good for you. (It doesn't. IRL, I am the most drama-free, non-confrontational person ever, but I like my entertainment to be a runaway rollercoaster. Don't keep it mentally stable and happy. So boring.)

I've been pretty open about wanting Buddie endgame. But we don't have to take the romantic, sweet, easy route. We can go offroad, turn on the 4x4, and hit the bumps full speed.

So, if Minear and crew (or Oliver and Ryan *waves*) see this, let me throw some messy ideas your way. You want mayhem and chaos? Let's look for some!

Everything below can be supported by canon up to ep 7x5.

1- Have Eddie question why his romantic interactions with women are always forced, initiated or encouraged by someone else, and unfulfilling. Shannon pursued him. Ana was there and familiar. Marisol was there and familiar. Eddie never pursues women due to good old basic attraction. He falls into relationships with those who send him signals they like him and are kind of shameless and thirsty.

We have NEVER seen Eddie actually genuinely excited to go on a date or spend time with a woman. There was always some ulterior reason. He was trying to give Christopher the stable home he thought his son deserved, or Bobby gave some cryptic advice, or Buck said Natalia is the only person who sees him. Ahem.

But Eddie was was all smiles to go hang out with Tommy. The man was bouncing. Bouncing! And every time he has hung out with Buck, he's relaxed and happy. Ijs.

2- I want to remind you that you created the character of Tommy Kinard, so his canonical history is not fandom's ideas. *points to show writers* They did it!

Tommy is canonically a racist, misogynist dbag. (See Hen Begins.) Sure, you can say he did it to fit in, but that also makes him a hypocrite now. He was always the first to follow in the former captain's footsteps when harassing Hen. Tommy wasn't a kid. He knew what he was doing was totally wrong and chose to be racist, misogynist, and possibly homophobic. I mean, I see that you have Hen and Chim forgiving him, which is fodder for a whole different post on retconning, backtracking, the forgiveness from minorities trope etc, but I digress.

I have always lived by the rule that when people show me who they are, I believe them. If you wanted to refer back to past Tommy Kinard, you could make him a total dbag.

It was obvious in 7x3 Tommy was not into Buck. At all. He didn't acknowledge Buck at all until Buck grabbed him. He barely spared Buck a glance when Buck grabbed his arm, pushing Buck's hand away, then looking back toward the direction Eddie exit the scene. That man was blinded by Eddie, who, see number 1, didn't give him the time of day. You could build on that and bring massive amounts of drama and pain.

3- If you really want to blow minds, have fandom go into a collective meltdown, be edgy, and create a storyline that would open the doors to all the main characters being involved, new bonds being cemented between characters who rarely interact, and serious emotional wreckage... just hear me out..

Give us an infidelity arc.

There are multiple options for this one. Some are pretty straightforward and relatively tame, such as Eddie and Buck realizing they are completely in love with each other and kissing, and some are just this side of being banished to Skinimax and HBHo, such as uncovering hidden facts that are scandalous, lying, and intentionally misleading others for your own purposes.

Those ideas could lead to enough material for seasons 8, 9, AND 10 if done properly. 😂 Certain watchdog groups and politicians will condemn you, but smart people don't like them anyway.

Fandom, what say you?

If you have an idea not up there, don't be shy about posting it in a response.

P.S.- I will not apologize for loving messiness. If others didn't enjoy watching messy situations, reality TV would not exist. So, I am not alone.

#9 1 1 buddie #buddie #buck x eddie #buddie 911 #eddie diaz x evan buckley #eddie x buck #evan buckley #evan buckley x eddie diaz #eddie diaz #buck buckley #evan buck buckley

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olderthannetfic · 1 year

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I’m aware that this is probably a dumb question but do people really get turned on by sex scenes in fic (specifically longfic or slow burn)? Obviously people read porn oneshots for that but if I’m reading longfic I’m reading for the emotional arc and not because the characters are going to have sex… what if the sex scene is like part way through isn’t that distracting from the rest of the fic??

Only if it's badly written.

And I don't mean badly written as an individual scene. I mean badly written in the context of a long slow burn or a plotty fic.

It's something I think about a lot in my pro work since the genre I write often sells based on heat level, and I want the option of explicit scenes, but I don't want them too early or on a schedule: I want them where they make narrative sense and further the emotional development.

I've read long things where the characters would logically have sex at a certain point. The scene wasn't there, and the fic felt lopsided. I've read far more long things where a sex scene was wedged in pointlessly.

Sex scenes are no different from major battle scenes or confrontations over "Why didn't you tell me piece of info X three chapters ago?" If you've written in a way that implies they're coming next, they should damn well be there. If you write in a way that makes it clear the battle isn't the pivotal part of the plot and we won't be seeing it, readers won't miss it when it doesn't arrive. If the emotional arc of the story hangs together without this emotional scene, you can leave it out. If you've written it in a way where the scene would have contained a major emotional beat and change how the characters interact, we need to see it on page.

Now, if your question is "Aren't some people really, really bad at writing sex scenes that are about emotional arcs rather than pure porn?" then my answer is GOD YES.

As for whether people get horny over them... uh... Yes. Duh?

Why wouldn't people get horny over a sex scene that is the culmination of much pining and emotion? Really emotional sex with someone you care about is far harder to get IRL than just any old sex.

The whole point of a lot of steamy romance novels or longfic is to add the feels back into the sex. If we didn't care about that, we'd often be watching rather than reading. Written porn adds a psychological element in much more overtly, and long stories that contain sex add a lot of emotional development.

Lots of people read a longfic through completely the first time, enjoying the whole emotional arc as it was intended, then return to just the sexiest parts or the most emo parts for a hit of the way the fic made them feel.

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kiefbowl · 11 months

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Wondering if you have any advice on dealing with irl shitbags? I was at a house party a couple days ago and had an interaction with this guy that I can’t stop thinking about. We’re just chilling and talking and I hear this dude idek start talking about how “certain career paths aren’t for women” so I listen in to debunk his misogynistic bullshit. He starts saying that he thinks that women are smarter than men and that in general women will be able to think more deeply and logically than men can and find better more effective solutions to problems etc. Then he says BUT when women are placed in stressful situations that require quick thinking and action their focus is halved and they’re no longer able to think clearly due to the stress, and at that time only men will be able to handle the situation. At this point I lost it, it’s the same old women shouldn’t enter the workplace cause they’re too emotional shit. I was drunk and pissed and started yelling at him and feel that I may have embarrassed myself for not being able to debunk him properly. I think the people around us didn’t take me very seriously since he was much more articulate than me. Wondering if you and possibly other women in the comments could give examples of how to respond when moids confront you like this in public with their sexist rhetoric n try to intellectualize their garbage?

I don't think you should feel embarrassed, I think you should be embarrassed for everyone at that party that thought that guy was saying something smart. That's really embarrassing for them because it's very dumb and stupid :/

I feel like the advice I'm going to give is going to be annoying, but you just have to not get angry. This guy? He sucks and doesn't matter. If he is saying something, and you try to debunk him on what he says, you have given credence to his argument and you're on the backfoot. You really want to flip out a pseudo-intellectual? You don't counter their point, you deconstruct their argument.

When someone says "I think y because of x" and it's just horribly false and offensive, you don't say "no you're wrong about y" you say "I don't understand how you can believe x." Make them show their work, and if they can't, you've won; and if they won't, they've proven themselves pissbaby; and if they try, you've now created an opportunity to pounce even more.

The Socratic method is your best friend int these situations. Keep asking questions until you get to the truth, which is almost 100% of the time this: I just believe something because I believe it because it's what I think everyone is supposed to believe. If you can get to that point in the conversation, it's the best high, because you get to tell them to their face how pathetic you think their lack of critical thought is, however pointed or coy you want to be about it.

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auniverseline · 7 months

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Always

Original Story: Between Us by hanmi-xo

Pairing: C.SC x Astrid Roscent (OC)

Scenario: Seungcheol’s girlfriend encounters her ex-boyfriend Jeonghan during their date.

warnings: slight angst, seungcheol tries to comfort oc, mentions of abuse in past relationship (emotional, neglect, physical- only twice), oc has anxiety & trauma, mention of infidelity in past relationship, mentions of love bombing s/o, pet names (love, princess), mentions of gaslight & manipulation

a/n: this is one of the scenarios i had in mind with this couple, tho it consists past history of the two. feedback is very much appreciated! <3

This is a work of fiction! Pls separate this from irl Jeonghan. We all know how respectful he is, so pls NO HATE towards any SVT members!

Seungcheol is pissed. Towards their short encounter with his ex-best friend, who was also his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. "Don't delight yourself. That's never going to happen," Seungcheol grits his teeth, holding Astrid's hand tighter in his grasp as they walk past a smirking Jeonghan.

Seungcheol knew what Jeonghan was implying. He knew the games he played. What he’s capable of- and Jeonghan wanted to ruin them both, keeping them on edge- to anger them.

Joshua, Jeonghan's model best friend, showed him on social media how the both of you officially became a couple- four years after Jeonghan dumped Astrid on the street, literally. Jeonghan knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, considering how he knew how Seungcheol felt all those years together as friends. As soon as he told his 'trustworthy best friend' about the girl he had feelings for, Jeonghan stole Astrid from Seugcheol. He kept a facade to entertain Astrid during their relationship, only wanting to keep Astrid for 'appearance purposes', treating her as a trophy to show off. Jeonghan never truly loved her as a person. Until Jeonghan received an offer abroad for his modeling career- ending the relationship quickly.

“Don’t worry, love,” Seungcheol glanced down at Astrid, slowing down his pace once they were at a good distance away from Jeonghan. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything at all. He won’t go anywhere near you.” He rubs her hand with his thumb still holding onto her, soothing her from the anxiety building up inside.

Tears began to form in her eyes, threatening to fall as she gave her boyfriend a small smile. “I know..” She knew deep down, Jeonghan still had an effect on her.

***

Back then, Astrid thought she was the happiest and luckiest girl alive to be with Jeonghan. But that happiness didn’t last long behind closed doors.

Everything went well into the relationship for the first couple months- or so she thought, realizing that Jeonghan wasn’t exactly the person she knew.

From an outside person’s point of view, they looked like the perfect it couple but from Astrid’s viewpoint it was far from that.

In any way possible, Jeonghan would gaslight her self-esteem, manipulate her from social interactions especially from her finances. There was never a day when he’d compliment her. Even if he did, that only occurred as an act to the public within their peers. Often times by the end of the day, Jeonghan would surprise Astrid with expensive gifts and shower her with affection, such as cuddling and kissing. And Astrid thought that was normal in the relationship despite all the emotional abuse he gave her. She didn’t know any better than be a supportive and loving girlfriend. She was too kindhearted. She thought ‘If I obey his wishes, then he will treat me better. I’ll be a good girlfriend.’ There were countless nights where she’d barely get any sleep at all and if she was lucky enough- she would cry herself to sleep.

She gave everything to Jeonghan, her first love.

The last few months into their relationship, witnesses from their peers had spoken up about Jeonghan’s infidelity. There were times where Astrid witnessed Jeonghan flirting openly with other ladies from their school. She’d confront him about it, question him about his actions and Jeonghan would reply with “Why are you concerned about what I’m doing? I’m just talking to them. We’re just friends.” With every confrontation, Jeonghan would deflect the argument by degrading her.

“God, you’re acting just like my crazy ex- Can we not talk about it?”

“Why haven’t you been working out? Don’t you know you’re getting bigger? You should be more like her-“

“What will you do without me? No one will look your way if you’re like that.”

Within the last month into their relationship, it grew worse. He would constantly be out with girls at night while she cried herself to sleep, fully aware of his actions. Jeonghan continued to discourage her and began to physically abuse her. Astrid was tired; mentally, physically and emotionally drained. She lost hope into their relationship, questioning if she should leave but she hesitated. More than anything she was scared, alone and believed every lie Jeonghan spouted. His abuse stopped after two occurrences, which lead to their separation and Seungcheol saved her by the dead end of the night.

That same night Jeonghan left Astrid on the street, she was contemplating who to contact considering her phone was low on battery. She quickly contacted the first person who appeared up on her screen and sent her current location. Within seconds before her phone died, the said person replied, ‘Wait for me. I’ll go to you.’

She didn’t doubt Seungcheol for a second. He drove to her location and found her sitting on the benches, her face stained with tear marks, swollen eyes and red nose. He quickly got out of his car and ran to her, engulfing her into a hug. He caressed her hair as she couldn’t hide her emotions from him, breaking into a sobbing mess as she held onto him tightly, “It’s okay. Shh, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

***

The trauma was still there but she was slowly healing with the help of Seungcheol by her side. He was patient with Astrid. He gave her every reassurance when she was at her lowest. Respected her space when she needed it. He would pamper her with affection, shower her with words of encouragement to get through the day. Seungcheol gave her love and security. She felt safe in his arms. The epitome of ‘if comfort was a person.’

Seungcheol's heart sank witnessing his partner break into tears. He faced her, cupping her face into his hands, and lightly squished her cheeks, "Trust me. I'm right here- always, Ash." He lowered his head to kiss her on the forehead. He would do anything for his partner to smile, preventing her from harm and never wanting to see Astrid cry.

Astrid smiles at his kiss. She rests her head on his chest and wraps her arms around his waist, pulling him close to a hug. In return Seungcheol wraps his arms around her, his chin resting on top of her head, gently playing with the ends of her hair whilst rubbing her back. They stayed in that position until Astrid calmed down from her anxiety.

With a deep breath, Astrid blinked away her tears and looks up at Seungcheol, “I’m good now, Cheol.”

He looks down with his brows knitted together, concern in his eyes, “Are you sure? Do you still want to continue on with our date? We can go back to my place and I can order us take out instead.”

As much as Seungcheol loved going on dates with Astrid during their free availability, her well-being mattered more than anything.

“Are you sure? You already made reservations at the restaurant though. It’d be a waste to not go,” Astrid pouted, unlocking herself from the hug.

“I want you to feel comfortable despite anything. We can always reschedule it,” he nods, pulling out his phone from the back pocket of his jeans with one hand and the other interlocking with hers as he plants a kiss onto her knuckles, “So, what do you say? It’s your call, Princess.”

#seventeen angst #seventeen fanfic #seventeen jeonghan angst #jeonghan #seventeen au #seventeen college au #seventeen seungcheol #seventeen seungcheol angst #seungcheol angst #seungcheol ff #seventeen oneshot #seventeen drabbles #seventeen x oc #seungcheol x oc #seventeen comfort #seventeen scenarios #seventeen scoups #jeonghan x oc #seventeen

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delicatefade · 2 months

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Fanfic Writer Questions

Tagged by @dreadfutures - and tagging more!

@warpedlegacy @rakshadow @effelants @bluewren @breninarthur @ar-lath-ma-cully @ir0n-angel @inquisimer @crackinglamb @theluckywizard @nirikeehan @oxygenforthewicked @exalted-dawn-drabbles @melisusthewee @blarrghe @agentkatie @delicatefade @leggywillow @about2dance @mrslyncx @flaggermuser @hekaerges @skinwalkingxana @rowanisawriter @anderstrevelyan

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

53,612

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Dragon Age. I have one fic that's a South Park fic that was a gift fic for someone else. It's an episode of South Park where Randy thinks he's a witcher and goes by Randalt.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A thousand years or more, if not for this - SMUT PERFORMS SO WELL!

The sky sang out your name to me - Post-trespasser Solavellan hell

Heart of Glass - Dalish OC/OC story starts before events of Inquisition

Randalt - The South Park gift fic I mentioned above

The Pride of the Dalish - Prologue to Heart of Glass

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! All of them. Comments are cherished!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The sky sang out your name to me Technically it's a happy ending for Solas and Eilan, but, uh, it feels bad for the reader. Hehehehehehe. 😈😈😈

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The Pride of the Dalish. Eilan is a secretive person and reveals one of her most closely held secrets to Lex and he holds it gingerly for her and supports her. It is cute.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Eh. Maybe? I've gotten hate on ME over a fic. Like someone who loved my fic and praised it but said it made them think I am a bad person irl. That sort of thing? Kind of unhinged so I don't pay it much mind.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I did one smut for the clicks and it worked, baby. Most read fic with that E tag.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nah.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. I also don't go looking for it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! Though @bluewren and I discuss Lex and Eilan deeply to get them right in our independent writing, we've never actively co-written a story.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

I am a single-minded "current ship is the OTP" fanatic, so right now it's Lex/Eilan.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

A Fenris POV fic. It starts during Inquisition. Fenris and Hawke are together in Kirkwall. Fenris is struggling to find his identity and purpose as a free man. Hawke's celebrity dominates how people see them in Kirkwall. He starts harboring resentment and blaming Hawke for all sorts of feelings of aimlessness and inadequacy and Hawke is like ????? but also not very helpful or a good emotional lean-to because she is a very prickly red Hawke. Cullen, now commander of the Inquisition, writes to Hawke asking for her help on a mission. Fenris sees it first and intercepts the mission, replies saying he'll do it, does not inform Hawke, and leaves without saying a word. It's a few months of Fenris finding himself and his inner turmoil as he goes through the ordeal of discovering himself outside the confines of slavery. Isabela is on the quest with him and really not helping because Isabela hates Hawke at this point (they were close, then things soured, and Isabela sees an opportunity to poke Hawke in the eye via Fenris.) At the end of the quest he goes to Skyhold to meet with Cullen and Hawke is already there, called in by Varric, and it's on the cusp of the battle at Fort Adamant. THE DRAMA IS EPIC. THE CONFRONTATION! AAAAAH!

16. What are your writing strengths?

According to readers, well drawn characters and scene tension.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

When I am tired and lose track of what my story is about, I tend towards humor/jokes and the fic souffle loses all shape.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

For me it's all contextual. Some times leaving something untranslated is in service of the scene and a smart choice, sometimes the translation is a smart choice. I go by what serves the fic best in that moment, and even combine it in the same fic. There's no hard or fast rules for me.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Sailor Moon when I was 11 or 12.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

My current WIP. But that's not published yet. So from the published fics, maybe Ropes of Fate. Short story, 3,000 words, light and sweet, 11-year old Lex POV. It came out of me more or less intact which was a nice feeling (and maybe only possible with short stories 😉)

blank form below:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favorite fic you've written?

#tag games #my writing #dragon age fanfiction

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cryptidafter · 2 months

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do u remember some time ago when we where talking about woh and its potential for a horroredit??? im gathering inspiration and ill probably ask u at some point to lend me ur expertise in that area but for now i just want to ask what u like abt horror, as a viewer! what do u enjoy? what would u like to see explored more, what have movies (or books!?) done before that excites u and that u could talk abt for hours? if u want pls do go deep into the technical aspects if u have any thoughts from a storyteller's perspective! youve shared your thoughts with me a bit before so view this as the extended cut!

Oooh yes, of course I remember (and am still incredibly excited about the idea)!

You asked for the extended cut so this is probably going to be another long one (get comfortable lol).

If we're specifically talking about film, what I like about horror as a genre is its ability to personify and often contextualize the complicated and uncomfortable emotions most of us have a difficult time unpacking. Grief, trauma, rage, anger, fear - they're all given a name and/or a face and by taking those abstract concepts and re-imagining them as something tangible and real, it provides me with a sense of catharsis that few other genres can.

More below the cut <3

I enjoy having that control. I'm choosing to sit down and watch a piece of media that will force me to confront those abstract unknowns in a way that's not as overwhelming as IRL. I've been drawn to darker themes from a young age (I think because death was something I had to grapple with when I was too young to really understand it) and I've always been fascinated by the parts of life people shy away from or outright refuse to acknowledge. I grew up on Goosebumps, Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, and whatever vampire books I could get my hands on. Horror just hooked me.

Something I'd like to see explored more in horror is race but not in the way it's usually done. I don't want the story to be tailored for a non-black/non-poc audience. I want horror that focuses on all those nasty bits of racism that fester beneath the surface. The microaggressions and the respectability politics and the ever-looming discomfort that comes from trying to fit yourself into spaces that were never made for you in the first place. Get Out touches on some of this (hence why it's such a cultural touchstone) but even it doesn't get down into the weeds like I want. Give me the specter of racism! Make it a silent, sneaking embodiment of minstrelsy that waits in the shadows to mock you. Give me two versions of the same person: code-switching taken to its extreme. Idk, I just think there are so many terrifying but subtle ways that racism presents itself that could be personified in a way that might be hugely impactful for non-white audiences. Most people understand that slavery is bad and that you shouldn't call people slurs. Now, lets go deeper.

I've made posts about some of my favorite horror media but, like you said, I can talk about this stuff for hours and I don't think I've discussed unique types of filmmaking/writing execution before.

I'm a huge fan of psychological horror. Yes, I can get down with a good gory slasher, I LOVE zombie everything, but psychological horror is my true love. I'm a sucker for horror where something isn't quite right even if you can't put your finger on it. Something that seems ordinary and should be a safe space (like your home) suddenly becoming unfamiliar. That lingering sense of dread that comes from feeling like your surroundings are off but not knowing why or how. Seeing something that should not be possible and trying to apply logic and reason to what can never be explained. That will always fuck me up in the best ways lol. Taking the mundane and twisting it beyond recognition *chef's kiss*, I love it.

Junji Ito is one of my favorite manga writers for this reason. Not only is his art style PHENOMENAL but a lot of his stories revolve around the ordinary turned monstrous (Uzumaki, Tomie). A town that's doomed to always be consumed by spirals for reasons unknown. A girl who dies only to suddenly turn back up but something about her isn't the same. So great!

Another fantastic example of this is House of Leaves, which genuinely unnerved me so much so that I still haven't finished reading it.

The way House of Leaves has the text itself morph and change, becoming entirely nonsensical at times, really heightens the anxiety and discomfort I feel. I never know what's going to happen next, both in the actual narrative and on the page. Books have always frightened me more than visual media because my mind will always conjure up the most terrifying images imaginable lol. It's difficult to make something look as scary on screen as it does in my head (not impossible, of course, just tough).

Skinamarink is another fantastic exploration of this theme. Your home - the place where you rest, make memories, get to fully be yourself - has become a hostile environment. I won't get into how the movie is (imo) an incredibly well-done metaphor for childhood trauma (your house becomes a prison that you can't escape and your parents are demonic entities that frighten and harm you; though I can also get behind the other theory I've seen where normal things can seem more confusing and scary as a child because you have no frame of reference for what's happening). But wow this movie stuck with me. I know you're not into horror but I have to share the short film that was the inspiration behind the full-length movie to really get the message across (headphones are best because there's a lot of audio distortion).

youtube

Visually, my favorite types of horror do a lot with a little. You don't need jumpscares and buckets of fake blood to get the job done (though those are fun lol). Playing around with lighting, depth of field, focus, etc. can do a lot to make you disoriented or nervous. Take liminal spaces for instance (which I love).

There's nothing inherently strange about these images but they're unnerving. You get the sense that something could be lurking, that you might turn a corner and encounter danger. Something about being utterly alone does weird things to your brain sometimes which is really the core of what I'm getting at: good horror asks the viewer to sit with discomfort, get familiar with it.

Okay, I have rambled long enough lol. You know my DMs are always open for more discussion of this topic (especially as it pertains to WOH) <3

#asked and answered #cryptid's thoughts #horror films #horror novel #liminal spaces

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callmearcturus · 2 years

Text

ruthlesslistener: ...honestly you mentioning about him being borderline gay made something click in my head for me, in that yeah jake might actually be gay. there's a way that some fully-gay men treat their gender (embracing the effeminate) that jake seems to really want to lean into, but stops himself because it doesn't fit how he thinks he should be, which is the Manly Man who likes women. Hell, even the cases where he's all over ladies are either a.) fictional, or b.) he thinks they're fictional, which as we know, does not always equate to actual irl attraction (ala asexuality). When he's actually confronted with reciprocal female attention in an irl case, he tends to freak out or be uncomfortable, whereas his entire thing with Dirk was that he actually very much enjoyed and wanted the relationship, he just was incapable of setting boundaries on 'hey I need alone time rn'. Dude's got all the toxic heterosexuality internalized

I think that Jake is attracted to women. Not to be blue (ha) about it but I think when Jake jerks it, he thinks of people regardless of gender. Where the complication comes in is when he has to put himself into the situation.

Both Jane and Roxy's attractions come with the baggage of Jake having to be A Man in the relationship.

This makes me think about the AR's diagnosis that what Jake would actually like is to be the hero for once, to be up there holding a skull and kissing a dude, total Hollywood. Andddd I'm not sure that's correct either.

This is less "I read the text and here's what it says" and more conjecture/extrapolation on my part but I wonder if part of the appeal of Dirk to Jake is that Dirk is so meticulous in his performance of masculinity that there is no threat that Jake will ever have to be The Man in that relationship, and he likes it that way. The ability to be a boy, but not have to be The Man. I think Jake wants the ability to wear the metaphorical pants in a relationship without having to be the man of the relationship.

Because the things he likes about Dirk are that he knows Dirk is smart and talented, but also Dirk will compliment him and when Jake is putting himself down even as a joke, Dirk would counter him and remind him he's not an idiot. He wants the emotional support and the encouragement. Which he can't get from Jane because (and this is partly Jake's fault for his persona and his lying) Jane doesn't know Jake's incredibly bright. Hell, neither does Roxy when she should know better. Dirk does. And Jake likes being flattered, and he literally builds a hope-copy of Dirk to keep around when he's confused and scared.

It's like the brobot again. Jake likes the idea of the adventure and the journey, but its very important to him that he's never actually in danger, that someone is there to catch him if things get too dangerous.

And unfortunately for a boy who grew up alone on an island with only media to teach him about gender and sexuality and shit, I don't think Jake really conceives of a relationship with a woman giving him that, because if he dates a girl, then he by default has to be The Man, and he's so intensely fucking allergic to that. For that reason, I just... don't think of him as bisexual anymore, but gay.

#whomstve #jake english #i did say didn't I?#jake is the most complicated character in HS

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lexosaurus · 2 years

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Hi! I follow Imekitty on Fanfiction and Tumblr. I loved your fic, Danny's struggle to re-adjust to life after revelation and plighting against the trauma of GiW is brilliantly executed! I read your chp 18 "Everything Was White" DP fic. I wanted to say that if you're writing the fic under real-world or semi-real world rules, then Operative O verbally intimidating Danny should count for as some kind lawful restraint/victim intimidation violation. Sure, they can't physically engage with him, but verbal, especially is words/statements' contents is or implies threats or emotional trauma provocation, are a thing that maybe could be explored. Just my two cents.

Hi! Thanks for the comment! I'm so glad you're enjoying the fic so far, and yes I am writing under semi-real world rules (starting with real world rules, and bending as I please haha). And I absolutely LOVE that you're pointing this out because it gives me an excuse to ramble about my writing decisions! Sorry, you've basically unlocked a monster lmao.

I didn't think O's interaction with Danny worked in the legal sense because O was just there on—as he said—a routine inspection. Danny was the one to confront him in the hallway, and Danny was the one who acted aggressively. O's response was careful to not include any (apparent) threats, and his intimidation tactic was hidden (this becomes apparent next chapter).

Now you and I both know that O was actually threatening Danny, and that the only reason why he showed up to the school was to see and intimidate Danny. But it doesn't look that way from the outside. I mean, if a student took a video of the incident, they'd just see a very angry, glowing-eyed halfa Danny storming up to a government agent, the agent saying something the video can't pick up, and then the angry ghost backing down and being escorted away by a teacher. That's not really anything concrete enough for the courts to go off of, ESPECIALLY remembering that no one knows that O has a personal connection to Danny! And yes, even though it's very obvious that there was some foul play between the GIW and Danny (aka he's disabled), not only was experimenting on ghosts legal to do, but O and his team could have very easily lied about what really happened in the reports. Honestly, I don't think anyone in the government or judicial system would care enough to dig deeper.

One topic that I really like to compare Danny's situation to is Gitmo because it has a history of torture and basically acts outside of US government "oversight". When you dig into it, there have been cases of ex-prisoners trying to sue for damages, and the US basically went "lol fuck off you can't sue us for this." Or they went "We don't condone what happened, but we're not gonna see your case because of national security matters." And I could TOTALLY see them doing a similar thing to Danny to shut him down.

Now of course, the irl prisoners weren't suing for intimidation, but I think that sort of history of people in power 'protecting the abusers' is really relevant to the fic. And we see cases like this not only in Gitmo, but also just in the general criminal law too. I mean, there's a reason why cops are so famous for abusing their wives. They can get away with it, plain and simple. The laws don't really apply to them because they stand together above the law.

It's all very complicated and messy. So yes while you're ABSOLUTELY right that O did go after Danny here and yes he should never be allowed within 100 yards of Danny again, I don't think that one interaction alone is nearly telling enough for Danny's family to get any sort of protection for him. Especially since Danny hasn't said a word about O specifically to...well...anyone.

#danny phantom #everything was white #literally had to stop myself here #this sort of this both terrifies and fascinates me #thank you so much for the ask!#i hope u enjoyed my rambling!

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bimboothefool · 2 years

Text

Hall of ʝℓℓʊ﹩ʝ◎η﹩

Content Warning!! WEE WOO WEE WOO!! This contains major character death, emotion/physical manipulation and Lord X being a parasite also strong swearing. Finally some yandere-like behavior keep this shit in fiction, I'll never ever condone or support IRL "yanderes".

Playing that ROM was the first mistake, now this impersonator imitating Sonic now has a thing for you. Just perfect, absolutely perfect. At first they were sending some notes app level love letters, then it got more weird by them showing you morbid images of Sonic characters getting murdered. Soon you had enough and said. “Why show me their deaths, is this your own fucked up way of saying I love you?”

Lord X merely cackles, he stares directly at you. “I guess you could say that.. I really want your attention by any means necessary.” His eyes looked directly as you saw little hearts in his eyes, smiling at you displaying his yellowed teeth.

'Dude put those chompers away…’ Your face scrunched up in disgust. “Still you're stuck in that computer, realistically you can't touch me or take me away.” Lord X starts to laugh silently and full blown starts cackling. “Are you sure about that, my dear little chunk of meat..?”

“Positive as hell.” You stated in a matter of fact way. “Suit yourself, my prey…” Lord X disappears leaving you be, finally you can get back to working on that stupid assignment.

The next day it was all normal, until one of your classmates decided to confess to you. But a familiar, dreadful voice demanded you turn them down. “Sorry I've got a boyfriend…” You forcefully said, they left defeated. “...what the hell..?” You could barely believe it, it felt like you became a puppet in that moment.

After class you headed home, dashing towards your room and immediately booted up your computer to confront Lord X. A window pops up and reveals him with a smug grin on his face. “Something wrong, dear..?” Lord X chuckled which irritated me to my soul. “What did you do to me?!” He taps his chins pretending he doesn't know what I'm talking about.

“Don't pull the “I have no idea of what you're referring to.” Bullshit!” Lord X smirks at your furious reaction. “You said I can't hurt you… Now that you've played my game, I'm merely making my mark on what's mine.” He shrugs, proud of how your words aged poorly. “Don't even try to get rid of me, that piece of me inside your little head is only growing stronger..”

You were lost for words, you finally realized how deep you're into this mess you unknowingly got yourself into. “This is only the beginning, my dear cut of meat…” Lord X purred and soon cackled, closing the pop up window he used to talk to you.

The next few weeks, you've been distancing yourself from everyone and overall isolating yourself. Not by your own terms as Lord X has threatened to kill them if you don't come with him quietly. He shows what can do and with the flick of his finger he's able to make you feel physical pain.

You also started having vivid dreams of the life you could've lived, it ranged from you graduating college or getting your dream job. Yet by the end of it, Lord X was always watching with that disgusting smile on his face.

X does it because he thinks it's cute to see you squirm and cry out to him. Begging him to stop the pain. Lord X decides it's finally time and you recently switched to online classes. This gave him the perfect opportunity, he might as well strike the iron while it's hot.

Your tired eyes stare at the computer screen, feeling your life drain away. Everytime you speak to Lord X or interact with him, it's like a piece of you is taken from you only for it to become his.

Lord X thrived and got a huge euphoria boost from it, he'd even force you to say I love you to him. He didn't care, he just wanted a hollow doll to call his own. One that would obey and heed his beck and call.

As you finished up your current assignment, a window started to pop up. With the last shred of rebellion, you closed the window. Soon another popped up in its place, you closed it again. But it only makes more windows and they soon make your screen go blank.

“...no. No no NO! I WAS GONNA–” Your words trailed off as the screen turned a bright red and the whole room started to shake. You screamed in horror, trying to run by a skeleton like hand grabs and grips your head. Picking you up and dragging you through the screen. The last thing you heard was distorted music and faint screams.

The last thing you felt was your whole body go cold almost like he ripped your soul from your body.

Lord X drops your soul into his usual hand, putting his other hand away. His red pupils look at your soul with intrigue and endearment, maybe he can put you into a model of his choosing. “Of all the souls I've collected you are by far my most prized one. Offer me everything, your heart, soul and mind!!” He teleports to find Amy.

Once he finds her, Amy's death is swift and gruesome. Now she was an empty husk ready for a new soul, he uses his claw to engrave a large x over her heart. Amy cries out in agony, but Lord X didn't pay her any mind, opting to let her bleed out onto the grass.

He waited out and as he did, he started playing with your soul with interest. “Don't worry, (Y/n)... Once you have your new body, we'll never ever part…” Lord X checked on Amy and she soon stopped breathing, it felt cold. He places your soul gently into your new vessel, not wanting to damage your soul.

Lord X scoops up your lifeless vessel and soon takes you to Mystic Cave Zone. It was far enough to where the two of them wouldn't be disturbed. Not even his current victims would find you or him there.

You felt warmth coming back to your body, as much as you wanted to rest. You had a nagging feeling that something was wrong. Very, utterly wrong.

You reluctantly opened your eyes, wilting greenery surrounds you, as you moved your fingers it was like you were wearing gloves. You immediately sat up and looked at your hands. You could barely believe what you were seeing, your hands were stylized and you saw a very familiar outfit. “No way… No fucking way… I'm… I–I'm in Amy's body…” You croaked out feeling the warmth you once felt disappear.

You curled up into a ball, unable to hold your tears back. Trying desperately to understand what you did to deserve this.

“So you're awake, finally. It's time for us to build our kingdom together.” You whipped your head to see him, your eyes widened. You knew pleading was never gonna stop him, it only fueled him.

With no one coming to save you, all that's left was to obey and love him.

#my writing #lord x x you #lord x x reader #lord x x y/n #lord x #sonic.exe x you #sonic.exe x y/n #sonic.exe x reader #creepypasta x y/n #creepypasta x you #creepypasta x reader

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mcknotanniegrey · 7 months

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I know I'm in the minority and the show ended 2 years ago, but I've gotta get my Lucifer thoughts out somehow.

(Spoilers below)

So I finished the show and I expected to be disappointed based on what I was seeing of the internet's reaction to the ending... but i was pleasantly surprised to discover that I loved the ending. To quote Jeremy Strong, i thought it made sense dramaturgically. It was emotional, beautiful, and written with love to the original myth, the show's narrative arc, and the fans.

Like literally everyone got a happy ending, the show stayed true to its therapy concept and character arcs and growth, Lucifer and Amenadiel both learn from their father's mistakes and make different choices, Chloe is Amenagod's consultant and lives her human life feeling fulfilled, and still a Deckerstar happy ending! That's incredibly difficult to wrap up so much character development and the series as a whole in a "happy ending" way while also staying true to the integrity of the art.

The years Chloe and Lucifer spend physically apart (but still emotionally together) echo the myth of Hades and Persephone, staying true to the eternal love story with the bittersweet yearning and the reunion. What's a few decades when you're looking at eternity? It's as Rory said, that time is a blip in their existence. After the time loop is resolved, the whole family can visit and be together again. We get cake & eat it too!

There were some things I have critique for, of course. Amenadiel discovering racism again and his investigations felt out of place on their own; but I can justify this arc to myself for a few reasons: 1) it echoes the journey both Amenadiel and Lucifer take realizing that the entire system is flawed and how they want to change things if they had the power/authority to do so 2) there's a social responsibility I'm sure the showrunners felt about a police procedural show, given how we know these shows affect perceptions of police and in fact are used as propaganda that affects the public's perception of the current (and past and still happening now post-show...) events. It makes sense that the writers and actors would want to comment on this while also being quite hopeful in aligning with the show's themes about change and improvement. The system is terribly flawed, but there's still hope because we can change things and confront the injustice. 3) Amenadiel can't solve systemic racism for humanity because we need to do it ourselves. Amenagod fixing this would be the cheap way out narratively and also pessimistic in its messaging that IRL we can't do anything without the divine stepping in and undoing our mistakes. 4) Chloe wouldn't be happy being only Mrs. G, wife and mother. She is the Detective and both she and Lucifer realize that this part of her identity is integral; neither of them want her to have to sacrifice this. By being Amenagod's consultant and continuing her career as lieutenant, Chloe still has her independence and own identity outside of being Lucifer's partner. She's able to live a fulfilling human life without commuting back and forth from earth to heaven/hell.

Another critism is that all of the main characters were romantically paired up by the series end, when that doesn't have to be the ideal ending for someone at all. It sucks that we had to make sure Ella finally got a good boyfriend, as an example, especially when her arc confronting her own darkness and refinding her faith felt much more important and emotionally poignant in my opinion. But I can also see how this choice was probably made to support the fans and give favorite characters a happy ending, rather than only appealing to the Deckerstar fans.

I don't know, I guess I'm just so surprised that it seems (from reddit at least) that people hated the ending so much as to compare it to GOT - when David Benioff and D.B. Weiss clearly wanted their own show to be over and done without caring about the narrative arc at all - when it just seems so apparent to me that Ildy Modrovich and Joe Henderson clearly cared deeply about their show and wanted to give an ending that fit narratively/had integrity as a story and also was a love letter to the fans who'd saved the show to begin with.

#lucifer netflix #lucifer x chloe #deckerstar #amenadiel #succession #lucifer finale #its about the yearning

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