#I have many exo emotions!

[the-casual-cheesecake]

WHAT A GREAT QUESTION, ANON! I have been wildly (and uncharacteristically for me, an ex omegaverse hater) obsessed with omegaverse Exos since I got into Exo, and my thoughts on them recently changed drastically, so what good timing you have! 

I’ll first start with saying that I don’t like betas, and never include them in any thoughts about omegaverse. I just think they’re boring– though I do have friends who have managed to make them VERY interesting; I just think I don’t have anything insightful or interesting to say about them myself.

And for a second note, I think it’s important to describe what I think omegaverse is for really: because it has many meanings that change based on who’s writing in it. For me, omegaverse makes most sense as a formalization of power dynamics. One could make the argument that it’s inherently kinky (and in fact, I do). It’s less about inherent sexuality OR gender, and more about inherent power structures and how someone could play with them. This is not to say that interesting discussions can’t happen in omegaverse about sexuality or gender– because they absolutely can and do, but I think mostly, it’s about biological power, in a way that our actual society thinks exists and tries to enforce (violently and forcefully), that is actually made real via omegaverse.

For the Fandom Olds among us, this interpretation would not come as a surprise, considering omegaverse took the place of BDSM AUs in fandom!

A third note, all of my omegaverse content always and forever will be poly! Poly packs 5eva!!! 

ANYWAY, EXOS!

[vibrates] they are pack, your honor… 

Pack alpha: Minseok

Alphas: Junmyeon, Jongdae, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo

Omegas: Yixing, Baekhyun, Jongin, Sehunnie

Minseok:

As the oldest, and from the fact that Minseok in canon refused to be Exo-M’s leader, it just makes so much sense for him to be the pack alpha but not the band leader. He has the character of a supervisor dom. He’s not involved with everyone in the band and entangled with them– because, frankly, they are too loud and too messy, and he has no energy to deal with so many people needing his attention and involvement. But he is a steady presence that they can all depend on. He listens to their problems and pets them about them. He scruffs the alphas into place when necessary (and reassures them that even if they fuck up, he’ll be there to help), and spends time with the omegas when they need him, and makes sure that their needs are taken care of and that they don’t feel too lost in the pack. 

I’m pretty sure that even in omegaverse, Minseok is queer, and he probably prefers alphas to omegas; less mess, and more satisfaction in bringing them to heel.

Naturally, the person he’s closest to in the pack is Jongdae, this is canon in any and all universes. They’re the gossip husbands, drinking late at night and talking about the rest of the band like two intensely invested aunties, but being steady and gentle with the others the rest of the time. They probably sleep together, but they’re definitely not monogamous, and as in canon, probably are both aware that Jongdae would actually like to settle down with a mate at some point.

Minseok spends the omegas’ heats with them if they want him to, as do all the alphas– because the Exos are all very very busy and alternate being with the omegas depending on their schedules. His favorite is probably Sehunnie though, because Sehun is whiny but pliant and obedient in heat; the rest are complicated (will get to them!)

Junmyeon:

I imagine him to be as neurotic in omegaverse as he is in canon. He’s a sadist and is terrified of this fact. He takes his job as leader so seriously that it fucks with his head and makes him make very strange personal decisions. He’s an alpha and a dom, but the fact that he’s so scared of his sadism makes him show his belly to his pack and try so hard to be gentle and soft that the overcorrection makes him seem awkward instead. 

I think, if I were to transplant canon onto omegaverse, that Junmyeon did not overcorrect so hard until a while after debut; because at first he would punish the Exos for mistakes as harshly as a supervisor, and oooof that probably gave him such a headrush that it turned into kink for him IMMEDIATELY.

Junmeon is Like This in canon really, so what makes omegaverse so much worse for him is that it formalizes all the power dynamics in head in a way that makes it so easy to take advantage of. And he is so convinced the sadism makes him a bad person, that having omegas begging for him in heat, crying and in pain without him even having to do a single thing to them except be there, simply would take him to pieces. Just imagine canon Junmyeon with the power to bite someone and claim them biologically forever… the man wrote the Exos’ names on his damn body, he would lose his fucking mind!!!

Anyway, I think therefore, that Junmyeon is terrified MOST of Baekhyun and Yixing, the resident omega masochists in the band– and to an extent, Chanyeol, who is a masochist but not omega. So, I would imagine him being SO WEIRD with all three of them. Too strict and mean to Chanyeol, and so wary as to almost be avoidant of Yixing, and strangely both overprotective and overconfident in Baekhyun.

Hilariously, he and Sehun click very comfortably, because Sehun isn’t a masochist or a sub. He’s just very into being indulged and having things done for him and to him, and it makes him vibe enough like a sub that it’s hot, but not enough to terrify Junmyeon or cause him to have intense sadistic emotion about Sehun. This also means they’re not super compatible actually lmao, they’re just comfortable enough that they stick together.

I think Junmyeon and Minseok have an interesting relationship, where Minseok would like to be hyung and head alpha for Junmyeon but Junmyeon is too weird about being perceived to be submitting to anyone that whenever Minseok tries to support him, Junymeon just pretends to be Fine™ harder.

Generally though, Junmyeon is a good leader. He’s incredibly competent when it comes to the band’s relationships with management, and he’s incredibly protective and invested in the wellbeing of his pack members. All of his weirdness sort of impacts him internally, but it works to present him the way he desires his image to be externally.

Yixing:

[vibrates] He… the baby… 

He’s an omega and a sub. He came into the band with much Trauma™ (familial, as in canon D: ), which made him need so much affection and love that it makes him seem hungry. He pushes himself so hard that it makes him ill often, and it makes it difficult to care about him, because to do so means people have to constantly love him and see him be hurt. He doesn’t have the instincts that lets him trust people to catch him if he falls, so he simply always feels that he’s on his own, even if he isn’t.

In omegaverse, he probably has very difficult heats. Trauma and hormone fuckery do not go well together in any universe, so his heats probably fuck with his emotions massively. And the fact that most of his injuries are spine-related, means that his pelvic floor is just fucked, and would mean his heats actually physically hurt!!!! 

The emotional part means that during his heats, he clings so hard to the people next to him to make sure they don’t leave, that he leaves bruises and scratch marks. He probably cries and howls if any of the alphas get up to get him food because he’s scared they’re not coming back and that he’ll be abandoned. He probably wants to be mated and sobs when he isn’t, even though outside of heat he would know it would be a bad idea to mate.

The physical part means he’s in miserable (very unusual) pain throughout.

This makes it a large ordeal to deal with for the pack. Especially considering they are all so tired and so busy and barely have time to rest anyway. And the fact that they have a rotational system for alphas spending time with the in-heat omegas so they don’t miss schedules, which in Yixing’s case simply doesn’t work. 

They do love him, but he’s difficult to help. It stresses everyone out and makes the alphas feels horrible and bad at their jobs.

Yixing probably gets on suppressants at some point and simply never comes off them, especially when he starts spending more time in China without any pack around :( 

Outside of heat, he smells sweet and is comforting to be around. He’s so skin hungry that he’ll always want to cling to a pack member when they’re home, which they are only happy to do. And he’s good at being hyung to the younger members. He’s also massively good at his job as an artist, it just, you know, kills his body oops… TT

Being away from the pack does make everything worse for him, though. It’s a sore subject for Junmyeon and Minseok especially, that they let one of their pack omegas run off that way where they can’t help him at all. It makes everyone sad.

[Cake lies down on the floor] Yeah… Yixing… 

Baekhyun:

He’s an omega, a sub, and a sadist (masochist too, fun combo!) Baekhyun is highly invested in being important to everyone. He wants to be loved so much that he wants to own all the Exos and be owned by all of them, but he’s very aware of how this sounds so he’s just privately insane about this, but publicly all jokey and fun, rather than deeply intense.

The fact that he’s a sadist makes him a strange omega for alphas. So, I bet Baekhyun enjoys being with the omegas most often– bet it almost makes him think he’s like Minseok, and likes omegas more than alphas; but that’s not true. What he really needs is an alpha who would put a hand on his neck and put him in his place but also lets him bite and scratch and be mean to them as well. He needs to sub for his health and well being, but he also needs to feel that it’s safe to sub by being allowed to do horrible things to his alpha/dom and feel like he has power in the relationship. Subbing is so so vulnerable for Baekhyun, it makes him terrified to his bones, but he also wants it really badly.

Anyway, as in canon lmao, Minseok finds Baekhyun too messy and difficult to deal with, so he just flirts and toys with him a little, and probably sleeps with Baekhyun during heats if he’s needed, but doesn’t really let Baekhyun in his bed outside of heat. 

Chanyeol is too vulnerable to deal with Baekhyun’s barbed wire words and pointy claws, he takes it too personally, and Baekhyun has to be careful around him. Though when Baekhyun is careful, they’re good friends, and Baekhyun does enjoy sleeping with him and toying with him a little. 

Sehunnie is probably Baekyun’s go-to for sex outside of heats (points to the unreal amounts of Baekhyun biting Sehun photos in canon.)

Junmyeon and and Baekhyun are insanely compatible but they have no idea. Junmyeon is terrified of being too much and hurting people but if he actually does hurt Baekhyun (sexy), Baekhyun would lose his goddamn mind. Because Baekhyun needs intensity most of all, he needs to feel like his partner is obsessed with him: and Junmyeon is the most intense person in this band.

Kyungsoo and Baekhyun probably have good sex, but Kyungsoo has absolutely no tollerance for Baekhyun trying to exercise power– which is hot! But you know, it doesn’t let Baekhyun relax entirely with him. It’s the same with Jongdae probably, except Jongdae is nicer about it. 

Chanyeol:

He’s an alpha but he’s not interested in holding power over people, it makes him deeply uncomfortable. He’s not a dom, and not a sub, but he does enjoy power games when they’re meant to bring people closer together and build trust. 

He frequently goes through periods of being super insecure about how he presents as an alpha, and trying to be more masc and domineering, but it only ever ends up making him feel worse. And during those periods, he often feels like going to the other alphas for help and support is a weakness and tries to do everything himself, including figuring out his own mental blocks– this almost never works.

He clashes with Junmyeon a lot, because he both wants Junmyeon’s attention and admiration and praise, and wants Junmyeon’s to see him as an alpha and respect his authority, and Junmyeon is, as stated before, WEIRD about power things!!!

Though Minseok knows how to be good to Chanyeol and often compensates where Junmyeon fails. So does Jongdae, though he spent a while not really understanding why Chanyeol is the way he is and why he struggles with the things he struggles with. 

Kyungsoo’s steadiness and assuredness in himself makes him a good friend to Chanyeol. It helps to look to Kyungsoo when Chanyeol is in flux and feels like nothing is static enough to hold onto. 

Sechan are like canon Sechan, naturally. They are weird about power dynamics together in a way that helps both of them. It makes Chanyeol feel at ease that he’s not holding any power via the fact that he’s alpha or hyung over Sehun, and it makes Sehun happy to feel like he holds Chanyeol’s leash and can make him do whatever he wants. What Sehun often wants Chanyeol to do though, is to take care of things for him: take care of food and buying things, and making sure Sehun is comfortable, to fuck Sehun well and not make Sehun do things, and to praise Sehun in front of other people and let Sehun bask in the fact that he’s getting everything he wants. All of this makes Chanyeol feel good and useful and like a good alpha! It’s great! 

Jongdae:

He’s one of the people I hesitated for a very long time before assigning an omegaverse dynamic to. I eventually settled on alpha because he’s a caretaker and – although subtle– is actually a little bit of a control freak. He also finds too much contentment in, for example, calming Baekhyun down and making him behave, for him not to be some sort of flavor of dom. 

He and Minseok fit well together because they both respect hierarchies a lot, and they respect inner pack workings. They also have the same casual but firm way that they approach their own internal moral compasses. They’re both stubborn and hard to convince to change, which makes them both comfortable, considering they are also both very influential and find it easy to change other people just by being around. They make each other feel safe to exercise the full breadth of their inherent power without the threat that this would affect the other in any way.

The fact that they are both doms, however, makes them incompatible long-term as sexual and romantic partners, even though they adore each other and probably do sleep together often. It’s a fact they are both aware of– though I am unsure if they both feel the axact same way about it. I change my mind often about this. Is Minseok sadder than Jongdae about this? Are they both just Fine? Don’t know. I’m not a Xiuchenist for real, but I do believe in them! So, I find myself thinking about this often. 

Jongdae, like Minseok, finds Baekhyun too much to deal with. But he finds Junmyeon funny and gets less stressed out about the fact that Junmyeon won’t let him help than Minseok does. Because Jongdae isn’t the pack leader and he’s younger, he finds it easier to insert himself into Junmyeon’s business and meddle sometimes, without stepping to hard on Junmyeon’s toes. 

He is soft with Yixing, and is sad for him, but Jongdae is very strict with himself about things which he cannot change, so he doesn’t let himself dwell on this often. 

It took him a few years to understand Chanyeol’s little neuroses but he did eventually, so now he knows how to care for Chanyeol and that satisfies him greatly.

He’s generally very gentle and full of advice and pets for all younger and older pack members.

He has a stroke of sadism in him, but it’s not consuming like Junmyeon’s is, and he’s Normal about it. It’s very to do with sex for him, rather than his personality.

Kyungsoo:

He’s an alpha, and he’s possessive as fuck. He’s also a very sensible person, and has decided very early on that he will not be getting romantically involved with any of his members because they’re all insane and they’ll drive him out of his mind if he wants to go full possessive alpha on them! 

He does think Jongin is incredibly hot and is very soft with him. He’s also known to be soft with Sehun, though he’d never admit to it. 

He’s a neutral party in the pack, though he has a deep sense of justice and will stand with whoever he thinks is wronged in an argument. 

I don’t have many Ksoo thoughts, he gives me a headache, his personality is impenetrable! Sorry 🙈

Jongin:

You might have noticed I’ve not spoken much about him with the other members, and that’s because I firmly believe that, while he is a part of this pack, he’s bonded to Taemin. Taemin is his alpha, and they are each other’s persons. Jongin only spends heats with the pack when Taemin is unavailable.

In the Exo pack, Nini is soft and baby. He lounges over the alphas and scents the other omegas and takes care of them. But he’s also stubborn and strong, and because he’s been mated for such a long time, thinks that all the others and their weird relationship problems are so tiring and silly! 

That’s why he gets on with Kyungsoo a lot. Kyungsoo does not have weird relationship problems, because he simply has no messy relationships in the band XD They get to make fun of the others from their little cocoon. 

Nini knows how to depend on the others to help him, and he’s very good at being a stabalizing and sensible influence in the pack.

Him and Taemin make each other so much better, and take care of each other’s needs so well that Nini effectively doesn’t need a pack. They just add to his life and he adores them. It makes him a very steady presence.

Sehun:

He effectively takes the role of a pack omega but not because he needs it, because the pack does. It’s good for them to have someone they can spoil and love this way. He gives them the opportunity of all feeling like they get to take care of him and be good for the pack by doing so; and by doing so, he gets to comfort them and take care of them without them feeling like they’re asking for care. 

Sehun has large emotions about the pack, he needs all of them, and feels like they all need each other. He’s mostly quiet about it, though, he’s not a words person. He just flops in someone’s lap when he’s having emotions.

As in canon, he’s been in love with Chanyeol for years, but it takes them an insanely long time to work out what they are to each other. This lands Sehun in Junmyeon and Baekhyun’s beds often. 

He’s an omega, but not a sub or a dom. Like Chanyeol, he enjoys toying with power dynamics broadcast trust. Though he would melt into the center of the earth if Chanyeol bit him and mated him. And he would die if Chanyeol had a collar on and let himself be ordered around by Sehun. It’s all very deeply unusual and not standard bdsm XD 

I feel like I talked about Sehun’s relationships with the other members throughout the answer above, so I won’t repeat them here! 

Anyway… wow that was long. Anon, I am so sorry if this is way more than you expected!!! I hope you enjoy it regardless!!!!!!!! I have many thoughts about this, clearly! XD 

#cake answers #exo meta #wow that was so fucking long #I have many exo emotions!

[echidnana]

i feel ill .

#it’s that mild detached nausea fronting sickness etc. etcZ #there are So many things wrong with our body and brain #school tomorrow . i Do Not wanna go #have things to fix on college apps which the deadline for is dec. 1 #and i have this weird barrier between me and my exos where i feel emotionally detached from them #sort of like emotional amnesia #and it’s just. stressing me out #ben.txt

[a-driftamongopenstars]

something I want to get off my chest about Destiny is how intricately it intertwines so many big topics.

there is clovis bray and the exos. the question of immortality, of human hubris, how much is enough and where do you stop. human emotions in a metal shell, soul living on without a previous body, is it a blessing or a curse.

there is the question of power and tyranny. the osmium siblings, family. identity and the never ending search for self.

there is the question of the awoken, the cosmos, the unknown and the unknowable. grief and loss of loved ones, over and over, and how to deal with it - or not. it's about choices and consequences and responsibility for that which you made happen.

the earth, the warlords and two sides of the same story, between Earth citizens and the Eliksni. the search for home and making one when yours is lost. stories of people who are not there leading and in charge, stories about farmers and teachers and people on whom the world stands.

the Cabal, the foundation of traditions, both evolving and disappearing. parents and children, becoming better, becoming different.

and, of course, the light and the dark. the "good" and the "bad", but which is it and how do you choose when you can't have one without the other.

destiny is so good about this.

#destiny brainrot today sorry #destiny 2 #adrift babbles #look I have so many thoughts and this is the best I can put it #all these stories are SO intricate there are THEMES ASFGJK

[lagoonalake]

pleaseeeee can I get exo ideal type ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

EXO IDEAL TYPE

XIUMIN

Personality: justice, 10 of coins, 3 of swords

He wants someone very reliable and loyal, someone grounded and balanced, no nonsense, someone with whom he can build a family and a secure future with. Well established and stable. Someone who can be a bit cautious at first, a bit cold even, who only opens up to a selected few. Probably he is like this too, and values trust and believes that this is a sign that the person is not playing with him. He wants someone disciplined, fair, kind. He would treat his partner as an equal and values the give and take a lot.  libra, saturn, capricorn, taurus, aquarius

Appearance: 10 of wands, 8 of wands, temperance

Someone athletic, very strong, with a lot of stamina. Even their expression is of someone who has a lot of control over themselves, very disciplined, very active. A more sporty or simple style, flexible body, calm face. Features could be a bit sharp. Lean, muscular. Someone who looks like they have seen a lot in life as well, he needs to see experience and depth in their eyes. aries, mars, capricorn

Turn offs: 4 of swords, 6 of pentacles, knight of cups

People who don’t think long term. Overly kind and giving, a bit naive. Sappy, too emotional or romantic, people who play the victim or who see victims everywhere, the type you’re always gonna hear say “oh poor you ;_;”. People who are not thinking with their brain, people led by their emotions instead of their logic. People who always expect others to save them.  pisces, cancer

SUHO

Personality: 6 of wands, the sun, queen of cups

Someone very proud and dignified, who he would be proud to show off as well. Someone prestigious. Most likely a celebrity. Someone who shines brightly. Very joyful, funny and warm, very open with their emotions and desires. Could like to party quite a lot or have fun. Quite bold, confident and playful, in touch with their inner child. Could be a stage performer. Someone who likes to laugh a lot. Someone who can take charge but also someone who can be very kind and nurturing with him, intuitive, motherly. Someone open with their feelings and emotions, who follow their heart.  leo, cancer, sagittarius

Appearance: 8 of pentacles, 10 of cups, 2 of wands

Maybe someone who looks like him a little. Someone who works hard on their appearance, that he can tell is making an effort. Someone who works out, who is paying attention to the details, a very neat hairstyle for example, and features are very pretty in a detailed sort of way, in this very clean, detailed oriented way that Korea loves. Someone who also gives of a nurturing aura, quite soft. Not too tall. Pale skin. Someone who has a bit of an artistic quality to their style. Expressive and warm, eyes bright with passion.  virgo, cancer, leo

Turn offs: page of swords, the empress, the devil

I think Suho may not trust women too much, especially beautiful women. So he’s a bit turned off by smooth talkers, very beautiful seductive women who are owning their femininity and charm a bit too much for his taste. Manipulative people. People who are a bit too chatty, ask too many questions, are gossipy and nosy. People who have a scattered brain. venus, pluto, gemini

LAY

Personality: 4 of swords, knight of pentacles, 7 of cups

He’s attracted to very chill sort of people, I’m kinda seeing someone who almost seems a bit high, although that’s not it. XD But it’s someone who would be naturally like that, just very easy going, calm, relaxed, who doesn’t stress too much about anything, who is actually quite positive, optimistic, and can see the good things around them. Someone focused on doing their thing, who likes to take their time. Someone who can see all the possibilities in life. Someone who probably could help him ease his stress a bit. Slow kind of energy. Sensual. Creative and with a lot of imagination, most likely an artist. Hippie vibes.  taurus, pisces, jupiter

Appearance: the hierophant, the tower, knight of cups

A traditional asian beauty but at the same time this person needs to stand out enough for him to fall head over heels for them. Someone with a romantic quality, soft features, who doesn’t have to make too much effort to be pretty. Maybe taller than average or looks tall. A sort of fiery, a bit explosive aura. He may prefer a beauty that is a bit more natural like not overly bleached skin or too much plastic surgery. Simple style. taurus, virgo, pisces, scorpio, aries

Turn offs: the sun, the hermit, 2 of swords

It’s a bit specific, but I think it’s about balancing private and public life, between inner self work, a more isolated spiritual life style, and being out there in the world. I think he wants some spirituality in his life but also be able to still live with everyone else and not isolate himself. He wants that balance so he needs someone like that too. Therefore what turns him off is someone who is either too public, or on the opposite end too private. And in general unbalanced personalities, like people who are either too arrogant or too modest, too noisy or too quiet…etc.

BAEKHYUN

Personality: 7 of pentacles, the hanged man, 4 of pentacles

Someone very patient and calm, very stable. Someone with a good sense of timing, who doesn’t rush into things blindly. Quite mature, grounded, almost meditative in a way. A bit possessive. Someone quite even, whose mood doesn't change much, rather quiet. Just very very calm! XD Could be into yoga or things of a more spiritual nature, but especially yoga and meditation. Someone who could introduce him to a more serene lifestyle, maybe outside of the industry, give him a new perspective. A bit of a teacher vibe. Also someone quite good at managing money and the household. Someone who also has built a stable material life for themselves.  taurus, pisces, capricorn, jupiter

Appearance: queen of pentacles, knight of pentacles, knight of wands

Very sensual and comfortable in their own skin. Not shy about revealing some skin. Sexy and sensual. Slow movements and energy, some curves especially around the hips, butt and thighs. Fit and healthy. Could prefer a simpler style, a bit outdoorsy. Not overly dolled up. Could like darker skin tone, people from different ethnicities. Youthful round face with confident expression.  aries, taurus, sagittarius

Turn offs: 5 of swords, the star, the fool

Argumentative people who always want to have the last words, overly critical, nitpicky. People who try to provoke change, I think he likes his stability and doesn’t mind it if his days look alike, but some people need a fresh start all the time, are always focused on the future, what could be improved, changed, are always looking for novelty. He finds it tiring and a bit useless, he prefers to focus on the present moment and enjoy things as they are.  aquarius, gemini, virgo, scorpio

CHEN

Personality: 9 of wands, 3 of cups, 8 of swords

He likes people who are a bit on the defensive or cautious at first, hard to get to know or to approach, possibly because they have been betrayed or wounded in the past, he wants to befriend them first and take care of them. A healing relationship. He has this ability to help people who are a bit hard around the edges to soften and open up. Help them navigate to a calmer, more peaceful, more serene place, and restore their trust in life and relationships. He definitely wants friendship with his partner and for them to know each other well and share a lot of interests and good times. An intimate, softly transformative relationship with genuine interest in each other.  scorpio, aries, pluto, pisces

Appearance: 9 of cups, the empress, judgment

Someone very feminine, who smells good, who looks "fertile". With a beautiful, gentle, warm smile. Someone who also has a certain intensity. Like a ray of sunshine or someone who has this inner light, this bright aura. Beautiful smile, soft skin, very sensual. More traditional beauty. Warm and loving expression. Gold, white, burgundy, pink colors.  taurus, libra, pisces, scorpio

Turn offs: 5 of wands, 3 of swords, king of swords

Competitive people who are always looking for a fight or to dominate others. People who don’t care about other people’s emotions, who are detached and cold, overly logical. People who would be unable to trust him, too distant, never letting their guard down. Cheaters and people who betray his trust, talk behind his back, gossipers. negative aries, gemini, aquarius, saturn

CHANYEOL

Personality: the lovers, ace of pentacles, 2 of pentacles

He wants to be the provider. A more traditional relationship. He’s attracted to someone very partnership oriented, romantic, giving, loving, he wants to do things with his partner, to be able to rely on them and for them to rely on him, he wants to share a lot. Someone who cares about keeping the harmony in the relationship, someone diplomatic, measured, balanced, also someone quite “useful” lol, someone who is always here to help or who is good at finding solutions, it can be for everyday things, little details. Someone good at managing money and quite practical and crafty. libra, virgo

Appearance: 4 of cups, the hanged man, death

More traditional asian beauty, pale skin, long black hair. Round face. Can look quite intense and magnetic, a bit dark, a bit pouty and withdrawn, austere even, or in their little corner. More petite body. Beautiful high quality sophisticated clothes. He likes jewelry. Feminine style. Dresses.  scorpio, capricorn, cancer

Turn offs: knight of swords, 8 of pentacles, the hermit

Someone rude, blunt, impulsive, who never chills, too focused on work, someone who is always negative and never seems to have luck in life, someone who wants to be alone all the time and doesn’t invest in the relationship enough. Someone isolated, unable to adapt to other people around them. Always trying to provoke others. A misfit.  negative scorpio, aquarius, saturn

D.O

Personality: 9 of pentacles, the empress, king of pentacles

Someone stable who has worked hard enough that they can enjoy an abundant and peaceful lifestyle with him. Someone who enjoys the present moment. Definitely a very sensual lover, very physical,who likes to eat, cook, smell flowers, someone who smells good themselves, who enjoys nature, gardening maybe, who likes to focus on their home. A good mother material. Very warm, giving, affectionate. There is just this very luxurious and abundant energy coming from his spread. It’s not necessarily about money, actually he’d like to be the provider most likely and to pamper his partner while they would focus on creating this beautiful, flowery, cozy home. Could be someone who is into home decor as well. Also someone who would like to be stuck with him pretty much all the time. XD taurus, venus, cancer, virgo

Appearance: king of cups, 3 of cups, justice

In addition to all the sensuality that was picked up on in the personality section, he likes someone who is quite magnetic, very deep and beautiful hypnotic eyes especially, sometimes eyes could look a bit fierce and intense, but overall a friendly aura, soft kind smile, a reassuring energy. Symmetrical features, balanced appearance, nothing too extreme, too flashy or gaudy. Blue, black and white colors.  scorpio, pisces, libra

Turn offs: 2 of swords, the fool, page of wands

Immaturity, people who don’t know what they want, who don’t know themselves well yet, people who are gullible, wishy washy, who believe everything they hear, people who have no sense of direction, who are easily influenced by others, who are run by their instincts, people who are too adventurous and always want to explore, cannot settle anywhere.  sagittarius, uranus, cancer, neptune

KAI

Personality: 10 of swords, queen of pentacles, king of pentacles

He is often attracted to wounded souls, people who maybe suffer from anxiety or could be a bit guarded and shy, and can appreciate his trustworthy, protective, patient energy. A humble, dignified partner, service oriented, altruistic and with high morals. We have the king and queen of pentacles here, a rather traditional couple, so he wants someone who is similar to him, very earthy, logical, grounded, practical, mature and who values caution and trust in relationships. Crafty, artistic and creative. A sensual lover, the physical connection is important and he wants to be close to his partner. He wants to build something long lasting and sturdy.  virgo, capricorn, taurus

Appearance: the moon, the hermit, 2 of pentacles

Someone a bit mysterious, dreamy, who looks more reserved. He likes to observe someone at work, working out, or just focused on their task. Someone physically strong, active with a lot of stamina. Calm and quiet. Long hair. Sensual. Can have a stubborn look on their face. Artistic style although nothing too flashy. Dark eyes, earthy colors, brown, green, beige. Balanced and symmetrical features, natural beauty, soft velvety skin. pisces, virgo, taurus, libra

Turn offs: the moon, the wheel of fortune, 8 of wands

Someone vague, changeable, impulsive, someone who has no stability in life, no structure, who changes their mind all the time, who makes hasty decisions and judgments. Someone blunt or loud, noisy. A "tiring" energy. Someone who cannot sit still, is always looking for novelty. Someone is too self involved, and self sabotages or sabotages relationships, doesn’t take it seriously or respect their partner enough to commit. negative pisces, sagittarius, gemini, aquarius, aries

SEHUN

Personality: the lovers, page of wands, 7 of coins

A romantic person who likes to have fun. Someone very loving, playful, adventurous, energetic. A child at heart. Still behind this more youthful facade, someone who is able to be very patient with him. A long lasting relationship where both people are equals. Someone who values harmony, balance, joy, would know how to keep the passion alive and enjoy a lot of activities with him. Probably someone sporty, and/or who has a lot of interest, I could see them go skiing, travel together…etc. Energetic, smiley, very friendly and sociable. Popular. Someone who laughs a lot. Good sense of humor. Someone who appreciates life at the fullest but knows when to stop and enjoy a calmer more quiet moment too. Funny partners in crime kind of vibe.  libra, gemini, sagittarius, taurus

Appearance: knight of cups, page of coins, the hierophant

Someone with a romantic, soft appearance, cute features, smiley. More traditionally beautiful too (well, this group has a pattern XD). Round youthful face, soft skin, kind with animals and children. Higher pitched, warm, pleasant voice. Contagious laugh. A ray of sunshine. The colors blue, green, turquoise. Rosy cheeks. Pretty eyes. Wavy hair. Just very cute overall appearance!  pisces, libra, taurus, gemini

Turn offs: queen of wands, 6 of swords, the sun

A diva, someone bossy and high maintenance who wants to dominate the relationship, make all the decisions, a narcissist who is mostly interested in him because of his fame and wants to show him off. People who always need attention, always need to be in the public eye. People who want to force change on him, transform his life even though he doesn’t want to. People who don’t listen to him and are unwilling to see their own flaws. negative leo, aries, aquarius

#exo #exo tarot reading #exo ideal type #suho #xiumin #lay #baekhyun #chen #chanyeol #d.o #kai #sehun #kpop tarot #kpop

[thefirstknife]

Had a question that you'd probably know the answer to, when "the darkness" told everyone's least favorite bajillionare (Clovis) to go to Europa, was that actually some facet of the darkness reflecting his consciousness or whatever, or was that the witness telling him to get his ass over there? If the latter, what was it trying to accomplish?

Also if it's not too much trouble could you cover the same question for other instances of "the darkness" talking to people? While writing this Eramis popped into my head, but I'm sure there are other occasions in like the black garden or something

Thank you!! :3

It was the Witness! We know now that the Darkness as a whole doesn't really have any specific agenda: it's simply a part of the universe, a paracausal power that deals with memory, history, emotions and so on. It can be used in many ways and the Witness uses it in this specific way as a negative force we've most closely associated with Darkness until now.

The Witness spoke to him through the anomaly that was found on the Moon by the K1 research team in the Golden Age. The anomaly was a black sphere discovered in the lunar tunnels (and we still don't know how it got there, possibly with the Hive; there's some indication that the Hive were already on the Moon towards the end of the Golden Age). The sphere was described as an antenna that was capable of communicating with something across the universe.

Clovis specifically had Braytech seize the anomaly and build a containment for it (you can see it on the Crucible map, Anomaly); presumably, this is also when he received the communication from it. He says the following about it:

The lunar artifact promised me a solution to the indifference of the cosmos. It told me I was unlike all others—and, damn false modesty, damn vanity, I am different! Not for my present qualities, but for my future influence. I shine with noon's light, reflected back through time to this age of dawn.

Essentially, the Witness did what it always does. It picks someone who can be easily manipulated and corrupted, and then tries its best to get them to follow its philosophy and potentialy join it as a disciple. Clovis was an easy target as he already perceived himself as better than everyone else and the only one worthy of existence. You can also see in this quote how uncannily his perspective aligns with the Witness: "solution to the indifference of the cosmos." Both the Witness and Clovis wanted something more; they could not believe that the universe is random, indifferent and meaningless. The universe had to lead somewhere and it had to lead them specifically.

Clovis wanted to transcend humanity and create a "better" version of humanity which the Witness promised he would be able to do with Darkness, as well as with the help of the Vex. He was led to Europa to complete this and create the Exos. Exos, in turn, have a direct line to Darkness, something that would've surely benefitted the Witness in the long run if Clovis' work reached its conclusion: replace the imperfect humanity with Exos who are susceptible to corruption and control, maybe even merging with the Witness.

This is interesting in retrospect now that we've had Veil Logs where it was revealed that the Veil had an extremely adverse effects on the Exos, essentially rendering them useless vessels. Maya Sundaresh was also able to use them to fabricate consciousness into an Exo vessel, an act that was directly compared to what the Witness did to its own species. Had the Witness not lost the Veil, it could've probably used Clovis' work on Exos to potentially in some way wipe out, erase or control all of humanity. Who knows what the end goal was! It was all halted by the Collapse and the Veil being stolen away.

All other instances of "Darkness" talking are the Witness as well. As you mentioned, Eramis was also told to go to Europa by it. Before her, obviously, we have to remember Oryx and the Hive siblings who were also manipulated by the Witness without knowing. And even before them there was Rhulk. Already mentioned the K1 team as well, and in current time, it spoke to us again through Unveiling and the last two pages of Inspiral. Really, any time "Darkness" talks, it's the Witness trying to manipulate people. Darkness itself is a neutral force, but the Witness convinced pretty much everyone in the universe that the Darkness has a specific goal and it, and only it, the Witness, can help you reach that goal. Those that were using Darkness in different ways were subjugated and eradicated.

#destiny 2 #darkness #witness #clovis #long post #ask

[way-of-the-sun]

Even when it rains

@exols-silver-christmas

This is my Secret Santa gift for @tao-lay. It was a lot of fun to participate again this year and I hope this little story warms your heart during these cold months.

Genre: fluff, tiniest bit of angst

Prompt: something soft, something domestic, something that soothes the soul

Pairing: Kim Junmyeon (Suho)/Kim Jongdae (Chen)

Drabble

Words: 1.012

——————————————————————

Junmyeon was sitting at his desk, trying and failing to come up with some lyrics for his upcoming new solo album. His eyes were unfocused and he was gripping a pen lightly between his fingers. It must have been hours of him sitting there, trying to be productive but his brain just wouldn’t cooperate.

Junmyeon sighed and lifted his gaze to look out of the window. The sky was grey and it was raining heavily. The raindrops falling against the window were making a calming sound and lulled Junmyeon even further into a state of listlessness. A deep sigh left his mouth.

The last few weeks were stressful for all of Exo but Junmyeon bore a heavier burden as the leader. There was so much criticism, so much hate against one of their members and all of this made for a melancholic and emotional atmosphere. A few weeks ago Jongdae announced that he was going to be a father and the backlash wasn’t pretty.

Junmyeon got blind sided by the news when Jongdae first told all the members about his growing family. But he was happy for him nonetheless. Just like all the other members. Everyone encouraged him and Junmyeon could still remember the happiness that lightened up Jongdae's face when he received all the love from his Exo members. He remembered hugging Jongdae tight for longer than necessary and how Jondae's arms tightened around his body when he whispered words of support into Jongdae's ear.

But even though all the Exo members were happy and supportive, Junmyeon feared that Jongdae would get lots of hate for starting a family and marrying his girlfriend from some fans and in the end Junmyeon‘s fears came true. It hurt to know that his member, his dear friend for many years had to go through all this trouble just because the industry and some fans couldn’t accept that even though they’re idols, they still have a life outside of their job.

Lightning brightened the sky and the following thunder pulled Junmyeon out of his spiralling thoughts. He sighed again and buried his hand in his hair.

„I have to get it together…“ he murmured and gripped the pen tighter. Just when he wanted to start working on his lyrics again a knock on the door interrupted his half-hearted attempt.

Junmyeon put the pen down and turned to face the door.

„Come in.“ he said and waited for the person outside to come inside. A small surprised sound left his mouth when he saw Jongdae standing in the door frame. Jongdae was clutching an umbrella in his right hand, raindrops falling down onto the floor. He was wearing comfortable clothes and it looked like he came to visit Junmyeon straight after finishing his daily vocal lessons.

„Hyung…“ The unusually silent voice surprised and alarmed Junmyeon. There has seldom been a day when Jongdae was quiet. Junmyeon mustered his unexpected companion and saw deep circles under his eyes. The whole aforementioned situation seemed to affect his friend more than he wanted to admit maybe even to himself. Junmyeon knew that he had to be strong for Jongdae right now so he did what he did best and straightened his spine, put on his most comforting smile and invited Jongdae in.

„Come, sit down.“ Junmyeon gestured to the comfortable couch which was a new addition to this room. After a few too many nights of him falling asleep on his desk, trying to write lyrics, Junmyeon decided that he needed a place better suited for taking a nap. After pestering his manager he finally got his brand new couch where Jongdae now gingerly sat on. He looked smaller than normally sitting there. Exhausted and sad.

Jongdae’s facial expression plucked at Junmyeon's heartstrings and he knew that he had to interfere. So with the gentlest voice he asked this one important question.

„What is bothering you?“

Jongdae lifted his head and looked straight at Junmyeon, exhaling loudly.

„Hyung… shouldn’t they be happy for me?“ This quietly uttered question nearly broke Junmyeon’s heart. He immediately knew what Jongdae was talking about so Junmyeon stood up and walked over to the couch and sat down next to his friend. He put his arms around Jongdae’s shoulders and just hugged him tight for a moment. Jongdae returned the embrace and melted into the warm and strong arms surrounding him. When Junmyeon felt Jongdae melting into his embrace he started to speak again.

„They should. And I know for sure that so many people are happy for you. Including all of the boys and including me.“ Junmyeon stroked Jongdae’s hair. It had gotten longer and Junmyeon knew that Jongdae would trim his hair in the near future. But for now Junmyeon just let the strands of hair run through his fingers, occasionally playing with the ends of Jongdae's hair.

„Everything will be fine.“ He whispered. Jongdae didn’t say anything for a few seconds but then his quite voice could be heard.

„Thank you.“ Jongdae's arms squeezed Junmyeon's waist.

Junmyeon didn’t say anything any more just nodded and cradled his precious friend inside his arms. It didn’t take long before Jongdae’s breathing got deeper and his body sagged against Junmyeon’s. Smiling softly, Junmyeon relaxed into the couch and looked down on his friend sleeping in his arms. All the sorrow seemed to have left Jongdae’s face and Junmyeon felt the urge to just protect him always.

Junmyeon kissed him lightly on the brow and gripped him tighter, not wanting to let him go. The scent of Jongdae's shampoo drifted into his nose and Junmyeon took a beep breath, enjoying this closeness.

Jongdae was shuffling deeper into the warmth of the couch and the body heat of his companion. Junmyeon gazed at him full of affection and love.

„I will always be there for you.“

Junmyeon listened to the rain that was pelting against the windows. The sound was lulling him to sleep. He closed his eyes and just before he drifted off to sleep a soft whisper left his lips.

„Even when it rains.“

#exolss23 #exo fanfics #junmyeon #jongdae #suho #chen #exo fanfic #exo-l secret santa 2023

[timextoxhajima]

what's the right word?

my first kpop group was snsd when they first released gee back in 2009/2010 and i was 9/10.

i've been stuck in this hole of 'kpop' since. i turn 24 in april. thats more than half my life.

growing up in a conservative asian family and the elder daughter of two teachers, it's not easy to explain the grievances and troubles i feel like i've experienced. some might not even consider it a terrible thing. yes, i've had a good standard of education and had parents who took care of me but sometimes the challenge was truly connecting with people and finding an emotional support.

nobody else can replicate and/or understand the true depth of the love, admiration, inspiration and reliance a fan has on her favourite idols/groups. throughout the years, i've gone through the eras. going from the snsd/shinee/suju era, and then into the bts/exo/vixx/bap era, and then blackpink/red velvet/wanna one/nct and then i feel like my life had a significant trajectory in the 2019-2020 period because i started dancing.

after having spent a decade being so invested in the idol culture of perfecting every single performance, pushing past boundaries and the idea of 'not being enough' being the exact source of motivation, perhaps picking up cover-dancing wasn't the best idea. especially when i come in a package with a bunch of baggage, anxiety, stress, and other perfectionist ideals.

throughout the years before 2019/2020, my reliance on my kpop idols was emotional. i wrote letters to them like they were my best friends, wished them the best of health and that they were always enough, while wishing i was as good as they were (ironic?). to my past loves: sooyoung, donghae, minho, jonghyun, jungkook, baekhyun, kang daniel, irene, jaehyun and the other members who have helped me through alot - i owe my life to them. quite literally.

tbz and enhypen have a special place in my heart. because not only did they become the usual emotional support pillars i had all the while, they became my mentors. an actual source to learn and be better. enhypen even more, because i've covered at least 5-6 of their items.

this growth in myself and the growth i see in them was so quiet but so sudden last night as i filmed their performances. 'oh my god, i danced to this song back in 2022 and now i get to see it live?'

as a fan, i feel more emotional because not only am i a fan who enjoys their music, i feel like i had connected to them on the 'stage performer' level and though i'm still lacking in many, many ways, i owe my progress and improvement to enhypen. they push me both mentally and physically during practises and their want to surpass themselves always reminds me that love knows no boundaries. the love for the stage and the love to be the best version of yourself.

i'm quite sure there's some psychological term for it, when you rely on someone who doesn't know you exist, and that you gain energy just from this person's existence.

the story is much, much longer but i could write a whole fic about it if i wanted to.

to my strength, my (probably last) love, heeseung.

i could write a billion words about you, and it would still not be enough to share how much of my life, my success, my motivation, my strength i owe to you. the love between a fan and an idol can only go so far, but i promise it will be forever.

i have a knack for choosing the members who seem to be the 'ace' of the group, but you are so unapologetically open about being a perfectionist. that's just my opinion. you know you want to be at your best, and you strive so hard to get there, sometimes i almost feel sad that you think you're not yet perfect. but then again, that's the very thing that makes me look up to you.

saw you for the first time and probably the last time last night. thank you for reigniting this want to surpass myself in every way possible. thank you for reminding me that lacking is the only way up.

[exoluxionlove]

231104 xblushmagazine Instagram Update

Q1. Chanyeol seems to like camping and goes on camping trips often. Please recommend a song that's suitable for camping to listen together with your friends! Whenever I go on camping, I tend to enjoy the quietness and stay relaxed. I think a song which embraces that kind of emotion would be good. The one I could think of now is d4vd’s “Romantic Homicide”. It’s really good. Q2. Recently I’ve encountered many difficulties in my studies and I always feel that I’m not doing well enough. I’m very stressed about it. I believe everyone will have to go through this kind of phase in their life. At those times, don’t blame yourself too much. Have a look at my XBlush photoshoot and listen to my songs. Just keep your head free of thoughts and take a rest. I hope you can figure it out after that. Q3. My girlfriend has liked Park Chanyeol for 11 years. I want to propose to her this year. Is there any EXO song suitable for it? Among EXO songs, I think “Lucky” will be suitable. The lyrics are impressive. The line “meeting you was my luck” was beautifully written. Yeah, I recommend “Lucky”! She is gonna like it. Q4 is about chanyeol’s fashion choices for the recent weather. He advised to dress up warmly and to always carry a jacket due to the unstable weather. Q5. Visiting Seoul with a friend, recommend a place? Actually I don’t really tour around in Seoul very much. Still, among the places I have visited, now I could think of Han River. You can simply daze out there and the ramyun eaten at Han River is super delicious! You can have ramyun and feel that kind of emotion? Yeah, I recommend it. Q6. Horror movie recommendation? I’m not very fond of horror movies, so I’ve watched only a handful of them. Among those, the memorable one was “Paranormal activity”. I watched it during high school and it had a huge impact on me. There’s a possibility that you might have watched it already but I recommend this movie. Q7. My birthday is day after tomorrow. I’ve been repeatedly reminded by my parents that I’m in my 30s, that I no longer look forward to my birthday anymore. But I’m over 30 and I still look forward to my birthday. I truly believe that age is just a number. Just push your mindset back to your younger days when you celebrated your birthday happily and thank your parents for giving birth to you. Just enjoy your day! I’m so excited for my birthday this year. Q8. Its my parents’ wedding anniversary soon, what gift would be good? Without letting your parents know, you can secretly find out, like the memories related to their first date or the kind that will bring back old memories. Maybe make an album out of it and gift them. If I were that parent in question, it would make me very happy. Q9. Lost interest in everything, how can I make myself happy? I’m sure there is always that friend who does everything, likes to play outside often, loves to work out. I’m sure you would also have…or maybe not. But usually there is someone like that around us. If you hang out with them and get closer, you will definitely find something interesting. Translation

#Chanyeol #Exo #XBlush Magazine #Video #Instagram

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

Understanding Rasputin via Felwinter

I’ve always waited for someone to ask me this question but you know what, fuck it. I’m tired of waiting! I will be the asker of the question I want to answer! Let’s talk about Felwinter and the Warmind Rasputin! Because we now know Felwinter was a pre-Collapse Rasputin fragment (or more accurately a miniature model), we can analyze him to infer what Red was like before the Darkness rolled into town. 

Here’s what Felwinter tells us about AI-COM//RSPN in his glory days:

Rasputin is not just a machine; he’s a sapient being complete with emotions and desires... Felwinter has a distinct, stable personality, exhibits empathy and a (mostly) normal range of emotions, and forms genuine social bonds. Saladin notes that he has a curiously flat affect and sometimes forgets to blink, but the Iron Lords never doubt Felwinter is a person. If just a fragment of Rasputin behaves that way, we can assume Rasputin himself has the same qualities.

...but he’s not human, and doesn’t want to be. Felwinter also has uncannily still body language, machine-like tenacity and patience, and no sense of irony. While he conceals his specific connection to Rasputin, he doesn’t mask his day-to-day oddities to make people comfortable or pass as a “normal” Exo. He also doesn’t mimic human needs like eating or sleeping even though Exos are capable of doing so. He doesn’t want to be anything other than what he is.  

Rasputin is defensive, not aggressive... From his first moments as a Guardian Felwinter just wants to be left alone. He demonstrates the earliest use of Well of Radiance - taking a sword, an offensive weapon, and reversing it into a defensive tool. He participates in the military pageantry of the Iron Lords for purely pragmatic reasons. When the other Iron Lords are convinced they’ll have to attack Shaxx’s citadel, it’s Felwinter who gets them to hold off while he tries to talk Shaxx around. It’s Felwinter who tries to talk to Cosmodrome-Rasputin before the others go to take SIVA by force. Rasputin wasn’t tasked with waging war on humanity’s behalf; he was tasked with protecting humanity. He’s fundamentally built for defense. 

...but once a fight has begun, he’ll end it. Rasputin may not have any liking for violence, but he doesn’t mind it, either. In line with their general disinterest in warfare, both Rasputin and Felwinter treat conflict as a sour yet necessary chore to be dealt with as fast as possible. According to Saladin, when Felwinter joined a fight, everyone knew about it. We’ve seen Felwinter use Well of Radiance, but we also know he mentored Osiris, the most famous Dawnblade Warlock. The pull quote on Swarm of the Raven says, “With enough altitude, Felwinter's destruction would blanket the field farther than you could see.” It’s safe to assume that Felwinter dealt fiery blows from on high in many a fight. That tallies with what we know of Rasputin’s threat response: there’s the concepts of honor, valor, and military glory, and then there’s an orbital strike. Guess which one he prefers.

Rasputin ruled not out of a desire for power, but a sense of responsibility... When Felwinter finally found a mountain where Cosmodrome-Rasputin couldn’t keep throwing warsats at him, he killed the intransigent warlord who occupied it, moved in, and devoted himself to solitary research and contemplation. He initially ignored the village at the mountain’s base, but bonded over time with the woman who brought their monthly tribute. She tried to convince him his unique abilities gave him a responsibility to defend the village. Felwinter insisted he wasn’t a warlord, didn’t need the village’s tribute, and had neither a desire for its fealty nor an obligation to protect it. Then one day she didn’t come back. That’s when Felwinter takes up the protection of the village and later brings it under the umbrella of the Iron Lords; in fact their continued defense is his only major condition for joining.

Ana Bray makes an excellent point in the beginning of the Warmind DLC: “We never bothered to ask Rasputin what he wants.” Rasputin has never shown any sign he wanted to run the Golden Age. One Grimoire card called him the AIs’ “tacit king,” the “first among equals.” "Tacit” means an unofficial decision agreed upon but not spoken. “First among equals” means he held no special position or authority. In other words, Rasputin didn’t ask to be in charge; everyone just decided he was. He made Felwinter to study himself and discern if he really was the dangerous autocrat the name “Tyrant” made him out to be. Eventually Rasputin must have taken up the role others had defined for him for the same reason Felwinter took up the village’s defense: because he wanted people to be safe and believed only he had the power to do it.

...but he also acknowledges no authority greater than himself. Felwinter earned the moniker “Dark Horse” partly for his unique black chassis and partly because he was kind of the bad boy of the Iron Lords. If he decided a Lightbearer ought to die he freely ignored the Iron Decree that forbade killing Ghosts, and he did it with total confidence in his judgement. When questioned he would supply evidence that his victims had been Ghost-killers/murderers/something worse, but otherwise saw no need to ask or inform anyone else before killing them. To Saladin he simply declared it “operational necessity” and showed no guilt or remorse. Felwinter was 100% comfortable serving as judge, jury, and executioner and never doubted his assessment of the threats his targets posed or his own authority to pass sentence on them.

In one of Rasputin’s earliest Grimoire cards he says, “My will is pure. I do not obey,” and in Warmind he matter-of-factly declares, “I have no equal.” Rasputin answers to no one. He neither solicits advice nor asks permission from anyone about anything, and only rarely bothers to explain himself. He only barely has a concept of “ally” as opposed to “resource.” He has no inherent respect for or faith in the Traveler and prepares a strategy to cripple it if he deems it necessary. More recently he has at most mild interest in what the Vanguard thinks about anything, preferring to keep his own counsel on what actions will best protect humanity - humanity, not Guardians.

Rasputin will do what he thinks has to be done, regardless of ideals... Felwinter has a map of Rasputin’s moral code pre-MIDNIGHT EXIGENT, his current moral territory that permits any and all actions in service of survival, and it’s interesting to see how it runs the gamut. He displays a strong sense of duty and responsibility, seeing power as an obligation to protect rather than a tool of dominance. He doesn’t make decisions based on ego or personal considerations, easily turning over his territory to the Iron Lords as long as his conditions are met. But he also kills the warlord Citan out of hand because he believes Citan isn’t negotiating in good faith and will never stop being a threat. That matches what we know of Golden-Age Rasputin.

...but at the end of the day he genuinely wants to help. Despite his outward cynicism, Felwinter has a deep streak of genuine belief in humanity and, yes, hope for the future. If Rasputin used SIVA as bait, he must have thought Felwinter would chase it, which means he thought Felwinter would risk a great deal for a tool that could kickstart the rebuilding of human civilization - and he was right. Felwinter thinks long-term, and he’s not content with the status quo. He tells Citan he joined the Iron Lords because “they’re going to change the world.” He searches out SIVA in the quest to not just sustain but improve humanity’s situation, at a time when most of the Iron Lords were working to defend their people day-to-day.

Rasputin has a deep-seated connection to the Sun and Solar elemental energy. While he knew a few Void tricks, Felwinter was primarily a powerful Solar Warlock. Rasputin, too, is often linked to Solar. It’s not an accident that his “eye” in the Aurora Reach vault resembled the Sun (a likeness carried through in the Season of the Worthy promo graphics) or that his signature weapons - Sleeper Simulant, Felwinter’s Lie, the Valkyrie javelin - are all Solar-typed. The angelic term “seraph,” used for people or tech associated with him, literally means “the burning one.” Felwinter mentored Osiris, the archetypical Solar Warlock, and Rasputin’s best friend wields the most famous Golden Gun short of Shin Malphur himself. The guy’s got a theme.

The Solar element has a dual role of hurting and healing that mirrors Rasputin’s dual nature - half trying to guide a peaceful society, half wielding tremendous weapons of war. Rasputin also anchored the Golden Age of humanity the way the Sun anchors our solar system. Like the Sun, his influence curved everyone’s lives into certain trajectories even if he himself was a distant figure. And the same way that I’ve said before how the Sun would barely notice if every single planet exploded tomorrow...Rasputin survived the disaster that wiped out the rest of the solar system.

#Destiny 2 #Felwinter #Rasputin #bungo where is my boy #whERE IS HE #Warmind #pretty sure I could talk about Rasputin for as long as someone let me #that's probably not a normal thing #anyway have some words #words words words #ra ra Rasputin Mars' greatest war machine #this is the wager of existence

[blueberryjam1201]

Unexpected

Genre: drama, comedy

Warning: many facts changed for story development purposes!

This is a fanfic based on Doh KyungSoo(D.O. from EXO) Expectations Highlight Medley. I was fascinated by the story in the video and as a person with a vivid imagination, I started to develop the topic in my head to such an extent that I needed to write it down. Please be aware I am not a professional writer, this was created for fun!

The story is much longer than in the medley so I'll separate it into a few chapters.

I hope you will enjoy the ride! ❤️

Prologue

"...we were strong,

The strongest it was ever possible...

We were the mountain in the middle of a dark ocean of the wildest woods,

The enchanted future we expected to spend together...

...ah...

...why...?

How did we end up like this...?"

The voice of a young man rumbled with bitterness in his head. He didn't hear anything else. Walking on nighttime empty streets of Seoul's suburbs. This dark street, barely lightened by old lamps, was carrying another memory. Every corner of this town did. KyungSoo, that was his name, the man whose eyes still could see her walking next to him. His world just crumbled apart...

Chapter 1

Under the cut 👇🏻

-... I was thinking of asking you, but that's not a good idea *ha ha ha* - A loud laugh just shattered on the white corridor walls. Doors in also white color were open. Inside the changing room for celebrities, two men were chatting together. Best friends, discussing the latest events. The room's walls were white coffee colors. In the center, there were two sets of white couches and black, wood tables facing each other as in the mirror image, creating a footpath just in between. On the wall, opposite the doors was a long row of wood tables and black chairs scattered around like whoever was using them forgot to slide them back under. Above the tables were mirrors, hung next to each other. On the right side was a long stand with clothes prepared for the next idol's performance.

- You'd make my song too emotional, can't be bothered with that - laughed the tall one sitting on the first chair from right side. His name was Chanyeol, KyungSoo's best friend. Kyungsoo was sitting at the table on the left side of the room. He was smiling but his eyes were telling about irritation.

- Because the lyrics are about the difficult breakup, it should be emotional... Creams are happy with their songs...- said with an unmoved tone.

- Right! They are doing great, I swear! - Chanyeol admitted while pointing his fingers at the door as if this girl group was standing there. - you fitted the songs so well for them -

- Because they're not "fitted", the manager banned me from giving any archive songs, so I had to create new ones, especially for Creams -

- That's bad, I bet you have lots of great songs written, but can't use them - After saying those words Chanyeol's smile disappeared from his face and he continued - are you planning to use them for yourself? - looked at KyungSoo and the silence fell over the room. KyungSoo was gazing at his hands while looking for the best answer:

- No...It's fine, they will be waiting for the next idol...-

- Bollocks!- a friend raised voice while swinging his head forward - You'd be great! but...- then leaned comfortably on the chair - anyways...it's your decision. Do whatever you want - and stopped here, as he knew he'd say too much if he would continue.

KyungSoo without any further discussion stood from his seat and started to walk to the doors, asking: are you going?

Chanyeol then smiled and did the same. When they opened the door, just at this moment the girl group walked by together with two men looking like security. Both are tall, well-built, and equipped with a utility belt and black body armor.

Just behind the 5 young girls, the manager was walking. Middle height, middle age. Wrinkles under his eyes were representing more of his personality than age. He glanced at KyungSoo for a long second and suddenly smirked while turning his head forward. Kyungsoo was just watching him without any visible reaction. Then, both he and Chanyeol stepped outside of the room and followed the group.

*click click click*

the sound echoed in the corridor.

- Chanyeol! Oh God, this is unbelievable! -

a female voice shouted. She suddenly appeared next to the friend's couple, this maybe 25 or 28-year-old girl, and started to take pictures with the camera. Chanyeol was posing while KyungSoo stepped back so he wouldn't be in view. She reacted:

- What are you doing? Come here! - and pointed by her hand on the spot next to his friend.

- I'm not an idol though-

- Sorry, what's your name? -

- Doh KyungSoo- he almost whispered

- It's shocking! I thought you're one of the idols, you look great - she smiles after finishing the sentence.

- I'm going first, can't be late, OK? - said Chanyeol and waved his hand in a "goodbye" manner then walked away.

The photographer needed a longer time to consider what she should do from now on.

- You're not going with them? - asked after long seconds.

- I'm not in a hurry, the performance will be later - and smiled shyly at her, waiting for a reaction.

- I should go because I still have a lot of content to do. See you later! - and she runs forward, slowly disappearing from his view. He was standing in silence for a long second, then decided to move as well.

Later, in the control booth, KyungSoo together with 3 other staff was preparing for the performance which will take place next 20 minutes. KyungSoo standing in the back, looking at the other coworkers, making sure everything is under control.

- Don't...!- he raised his voice but then hesitated - ...Don't use the middle lamp, it will make them dazzle, it's too strong -

- Oh, you're right. Sorry! - answered the one sitting on the left side of the controller and twisted one of the caps. KyungSoo came near and looked at the soundboard.

- That should be ok - said and raised his head to look at the scene behind the wide window. The view was incredible. Hundreds of seats in red colour as well as the carpet. Approximately 10 step stairs led to a stage top, 2 pairs, one on the left, second on the right. The massive curtains that split the stage and hidden the other half were in navy blue colour. Suddenly, the door was opened and the photographer girl from before came in.

- Hi, would you mind if I make a few shots? -

All of them looked at her with many questions in their eyes.

- What for? - finally, the one sitting just at the right end of the controller broke the silence.

She smiled happily and said:

- It's mostly for my portfolio, but we may be using them later, of course with your permission only! - then stuck her camera to her smiling face and pressed the button to make a picture.

KyungSoo wasn't happy. He looked at the girl resentfully, but when he was about to start talking, the doors opened again...

It was the manager, who casually walked in.

Without any word, he stood next to KyungSoo and looked behind the window, then started:

- All prepared? -

- Yes, we just finished. The program is starting next 5 minutes, we are ready -

Then manager looked at KyungSoo out of the corner of his eye.

- Did you imagine?...- he grunted. Surprised KyungSoo asked: Excuse me?

- Did you imagine yourself there? - those words were like a knife straight into KyungSoo's heart. He barely managed to stay calm:

- Why would I do such a thing? -

- We both know this could have been your stage, but with your attitude, we would need a mask or dubler - then smiled like it was the best joke he could ever think of.

- You would be hidden behind the scenes and gi...-

- Can you...!- KyungSoo interrupted him, but backed off the next second, then finished with a low tone voice:

- It's not the best time, leave it manager Kim...-

The smile wasn't coming off the manager's face, but he did do as he was told. KyungSoo suddenly turned around and saw the photographer still standing there with a frightened face.

- Do you need to be here? - asked. She then, without any word opened the door and walked away.

The performance was glamorous. Creams have shown spectacular shows and gathered hundreds of fans cheering for them singing their producer's songs. After the show, the audience started to walk away, and staff rolled up the equipment or cleaned the stage. Two friends, Chanyeol and KyungSoo walked into the theatre by the backstage doors. Suddenly, Chanyeol stopped:

- KyungSoo-yah, sorry! - and fold his hands as if in prayer - I forgot I promised Sue I'll show her some things online and take her back home, you know what I mean - and stick out his tongue flirtatiously

- Sorry, I promise I'll pay you back double for today! - and run back to the backstage leaving KyungSoo alone.

He wasn't upset, he wasn't even sure if he was bothered about it. This was a long, difficult day and the only thing he wished for was going back home and lying in his comfy bed. He turned around and walked towards the main entrance, but then...sudden hunch told him to stop. In the middle row, just on the first seat next to him was the photographer girl, looking at the camera and sliding photos. She wept silently...her right hand was holding her head widely to cover part of her face. KyungSoo looked at her in silence, why the sudden need to speak to her? It's not his business, and they don't know each other...why the hesitation to just walk away?

- What? - she asked, while still covering her face and looking at the camera. KyungSoo was looking for the best question to ask. Then after a couple of seconds, he goes:

- You're not going home? -

It wasn't the best choice of question, but it just flew somehow from his mouth, surprising himself.

- ...are you hungry?- she asked without moving an inch from her last position, making him step back and open his eyes widely out of shock:

- W..well...I didn't plan it, but I can grab a takeaway if...that's OK? - almost whispered, still mesmerized. Suddenly she smiled and looked at him:

- Then let's go, what was your name again? KyungSoo, the producer of Creams? I like it! My name is YiSeul, the photographer in training - she smiled gracefully even though the tears were still lying gently on her cheeks. That made him smile happily for a second. This wasn't in the scenario. Meeting her that day wasn't planned at all, but even if he was tired, this new colleague seemed like the best companion after this long, demanding day.

It's only today! They will never meet again, so why not?

Won't they?

#kdrama #doh kyungsoo #do kyung soo #exo do kyungsoo #d.o. kyungsoo #do kyungsoo #exo kyungsoo #kyungsoo #highlight medley #exo d.o. #exo d.o #d.o. #expectations #fanfic

[theboytatu]

anon back from a week ago re: bbh being a messy bitch who likes drama and his ability to shape his fans opinions. still would love your take on this topic if you don't mind

i am sooo sorry omg i have the attention span of an alcoholic toddler!!!! yes ok so I don't have that many examples on hand because i'm not a library of exo content, all my bookmarks on twt are a mess ugh

but re: manipulation and what i would actually call being an expert at exploiting an atmosphere but everyone else calls being an attention whore

exhibit A: him "drunk texting" fans on bubble during exo fanmeet in april. mind you this was right in the middle of the legal battle with SM which we had no idea about at the time. fans were so emotional - first exo performance as a full group in over 3 years, baekhyun fresh off his military life, yadda yadda yadda - he was pretty drunk from the post concert dinner the group had. yet later we found out idols need to review messages THREE TIMES before sending anything on bubble lmao 😭 i'm not saying he was faking it - i'm saying even drunk he knew exactly what these texts were gonna do to the fans. he is that good at riling people up like that + preemptively digging his parasocial nails into the fandom cause he knew shit was about to hit the fan.... I love his mind

exhibit B: the most recent example and something that had me crawling up the walls. i'm not saying he faked it or that he planned to fall asleep on purpose during a livestream, i completely believe baekhyun is careless and overworked enough to do that. what makes me scream into a pillow is the way he was UNFAZED by that shit when he woke up. had his manager blowing up his phone asking him to wake up and +40k people hearing him moan in his sleep and he woke up and stayed in the livestream. FOR 30 MORE MINUTES. he laughed it off and started joking teasing people etc etc like he genuinely dgaf.

might I add this pattern of starting twitter lives early in the morning only started after the comeback which i think is very interesting. i dont think its a coincidence at all but i need to gather my thoughts on that

exhibit C: not manipulative per se but this fucking clip is so insane to me i love how the worst things happened to exo completely unprompted it's like seeing an episode of the office. anyway baekhyun taking one for the team and distracting fans with his silly little dance.. THAT'S RIGHT HE'S THE GUY THAT STEPPED UP. and i think it showcases his quick thinking and social skills perfectly cause the rest of these men were frozen in place with half their asses out but baek just took it like a champ lol. he just wants to be seen <3 and told he's done a good job <3 give him all the praises please

exhibit D: this horrible fucking live. just baekhyun as a whole in superm.... like he's not dumb he knew nctzens were eating him up and shipping him w taeyong and what did he do? he went ahead and gave them exactly what they wanted.. while wrapping taeyong around his little finger might I add. now i think irl baekhyun and taeyong aren't that close, they're like those friends from work that you genuinely like but it's not someone you would seek out outside of pretty specific social settings. but baekhyun isn't fucking stupid he knew nctzens were a segment of kpop fans he could tap into and either turn into his own fans or he could get slapped in the face by exols turning on him.

anyways this is so fucking long im sorry to ppl following me i'm on mobile and can't make a read more. no one cares about the weird things i only notice about baekhyun but yes there's more to it i just dont have links for most things... but there's not a lot of specific examples idk once you notice it you just watch content with baekhyun and it becomes pretty clear.

#asks #baekhyun

[blacky-nikki-art]

So... I've been thinking lately like I usually do. I usually try to stay on the rules of AU and many other stuff as closely as I can, to get 100% percent. I heard several times that I lack 'artistic freedom'.

This time I made a small decision to fck canon rules in D2 and go with my uncanon bullsh!t. Just... Keep going and less worry about rules.

I want more magic flower exo man. Thank you.

Small story (???) under keep reading.

I don’t remember much from this day.

Everything was wet. I was wet and NOT in this way. I was surrounded by water. When I emerged from this… pond, whatever this place was, I felt lost, disoriented.

However, in that place, in that pond, for a moment I felt safe, good with myself, even though I had no idea who I was or what I was. This ray of light. Some strange sign, I don't even know exactly what. It split the darkness, showing me the lush vegetation of this reservoir. It was a very nice place when I remember it. Unfortunately, I have no idea where it is.

If I had known what awaited me after leaving it, maybe I would have stayed in this place a little longer. Or forever.

You are reborn without your consent, you have to fit into the vision of others and be constantly under their judgment. Nobody cares about your opinion or will. Besides, what's the point of talking about your own opinion or will if you don't even know who you are. You have to live in this ugly world filled with pain and sadness. What is delicate and emotional is despised. All that matters is strength and having more and more of it. And for what purpose? To defend what is despised.

A strange paradox.

I still don't think I'm not fit to be a guardian. I still think it was some kind of mistake. Maybe my ghost made this mistake, maybe the Traveler. No one knows. Now I have to deal with the consequences of this choice myself.

Maybe everything would be easier if the dead me was still lying at the bottom of that pond.

But here I am. Alive. And I have to struggle with what this life has given me.

#iberis-3 #blacky try draw #destiny 2

[rinatual]

Kpop Recap Of 2023!

tagged by my belovedest @jaebeomtual 🫶 and i'm tagging (feel free to ignore this !! <3) @ningtual @possession1981 @facethesuns @dalkyum @ninqz @kawasemy @dawei-s @28reas0ns and whoever wants to play !!

Groups you started stanning?

umm i think the only new ones are zerobaseone, boynextdoor and riize

New ult biases?

nope, i'm loyal to my big 3 🫶

Idol(s) who got the most of your simping?:

(other than my usual faves obviously, also i'm already being brave enough for including these last two, you won't also make me look at their faces.....)

Most streamed group(s)?

mx, p1h, nct127, tbz, cix, wayv, txt, sf9

Most streamed soloist(s)?

jinyoung, kai, woodz, heize, changkyun

Top kpop song(s) of this year?

the entire harmony all in - p1h and on my youth - wayv albums, perfume - nct djj, tinnitus - txt, habit - changkyun, rover - kai, save me kill me - cix, puzzle - sf9, but i like you - bonedo, attitude - fromis9, byob - billlie, shooting star - xg, hear me out - exo, identity - shinee, truth or dare - pixy, firework - &team, fact check - nct127, fire eyes - tbz, get a guitar - riize, drowing - woodz, love me a little - monsta xxl, odyssey - weeekly, kill shot - itzy, 7heaven - purple kiss, new emotions - infinite, heartbeat - tan, dazzling - pow, melting point - zb1, macarena - blitzers, lvly - kep1er

Top debut of this year?

yeah yeah that’s me‼️ jiteun nongdoeee jeongshini honmihaee ✨🕺

but talking about new idols, i would probably say bonedo's who! ep 🫶

Choreographies you learned?

i can't dance to save my life, but i guess i learned the focal moves of some songs from watching choreo practice videos too many times

Albums/merchandise you bought?

(everything unofficial because i'm poor) a frog and a dino keychans for hyungwon and chan and a toothless plushie for changmin <3

New kpop mutuals you made?

i honestly have no idea because in my head i've been besties with my moots since birth

#not me basically writing my entire 2023 kpop playlist.....listen i couldn't pick only a few 🤧 #games

[writerblue275]

The One Who Could Break My Heart (Chapter 3)

Chapters 1 + 2

Inspiration: "Trouble" - EXO, "There's Nothing Holding Me Back" - Shawn Mendes, "On My Love" - Zara Larsson & David Guetta

Champion: Ezreal (Pilty!Ez)

Summary: After the many revelations of last night/early this morning, it's time to face the day, face yourself, and have a very important conversation with Ezreal.

Genre: Song-Inspired Fic

Type: A bit angsty (pining), but happy ending. Smuttish (18+ ONLY. Minors DNI.) Fluffy, especially towards the end. (What can I say? I like a happy ending.)

Gender: Comfortable with she/her pronouns? Past parts have been more implied AFAB, but this part not as much? Slight mention of potential future family plans but eh not specific how that could happen.

TW: Mention of nightmare/illusion of reader being harmed. Pining that is resolved. Suggestive stuff.

"Trouble" lyrics in red

"There's Nothing Holding Me Back" lyrics in green

"On My Love" lyrics in pink.

“I’m in trouble.”

As light filters through the linen curtain liners, you slowly start to wake up, getting your bearings straight. You and Ez are tangled together, him sleeping soundly and nuzzling your neck. You can’t help but gently turn your head and kiss his temple before freezing, your startled thoughts quickly waking you completely. No wait I shouldn’t do that…that’s too intimate…I don’t like him like that.

Eventually you gently untangle yourself, smiling softly at his small sleepy protest, and just watch him, thinking about how peaceful he looks. I’m one of the few people who ever sees him this way. I’m one of the few people who can help make him feel like this. God that makes me so happy…wait...wait wait. Wait why does that make me so happy?

It seems like the time has finally come to have a reckoning with yourself. You’re essentially alone with your thoughts and the messages from the emotional part of your mind are loud this morning. You know why it makes you so happy, (Y/N). It’s because you’re in love with him. Stop lying to yourself. You love him as more than just your best friend. You have for a while. You’re in love with Ezreal and you’ve gone and broken your own rule. Admit it.

You realize you’re becoming increasingly tense because of your thoughts. Not wanting to disturb Ez you decide to make a trip to your second favorite place in this large and beautiful home. The library. Reading will help me clear my thoughts and think about this logically, you silently decide. Because fucking hell I think I am in love with him and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose his friendship.

You very carefully slide out of bed, away from Ez’s warmth, already missing him, which just adds to the logic of your decision to go to the library. You quickly scribble a note for him on a spare piece of paper and stick it on his nightstand. Then you’re silently off into the slowly brightening house.

You make your way downstairs and quickly follow the well-memorized path to the library and quietly open the door. You’ve been coming to this particular room since you were a kid. It’s a magnificent space, filled from floor to ceiling with books. There’s even multiple floors with fun little ladders and staircases to use to get to the upper ones. It’s a book-lovers dream.

You find a pile of books on the center of the table, all covering the area of Shurima Ez was in, and many of them specifically covering tombs, both discovered and legend. You realize this must be the pile of manuscripts he used as research for his last expedition. You can’t help but wonder if there’s anything in there that explains why Ez specifically saw you in that one trap. You’re alone with these texts, so you might as well look.

You bring the pile of books with you to place on a side table situated next to a plush arm chair. You curl up in the chair with your knees drawn up for you to rest your book on. You select the first book from the top of the pile. It’s an old leather bound journal, a predecessor to the type of journal you know Ezreal takes his notes in. You slowly start flipping through the pages, but it isn’t long before your thoughts completely distract you from your intended task.

Am I sure I want to know the answer? What if it’s nothing? What if the curse just shows a random friend the person entering is close to? I’m going to emotionally hurt myself. And for what? I know what will happen if I tell him. He doesn’t feel the same way. I remember what he said a year and a half ago. He didn’t want any further feelings involved than what our friendship is. Not to mention I told him dating him would drive me absolutely insane. It’s one of the reasons he suggested this arrangement in the first place. If I tell him? All of this will be finished. Certainly no more physical things with him, which is probably for the best at this point because emotions are involved. But now? This friendship has crossed a line that can’t be undone. Fuck, can we even save it? Have I doomed myself to lose my best friend?

As your mind keep racing, everything eventually becomes too much, especially the thought of losing Ezreal as even a friend. That is just unbearable to ponder. You never wanted to push your best friend away, but even with these fears racing through your mind, you know you have to tell him. You've never lied to him before and you won't start now about something so important.

I’ll tell him today, you decide. I just need to go pack up my things so I can leave and save my dignity after what is sure to be a horrifically awkward conversation. You set the book down and put your head in your hands as the worst case scenarios keep flashing through your mind.

Before you can stop yourself, you feel tears start rolling down your cheeks. You try to control your breathing as a lump forms in your throat but your efforts are futile. Eventually a soft sob makes its way out, followed by a louder one and then another until you’re just having a full break down. You sob brokenheartedly into your hands as you realize what a terrible, terrible mistake you’ve made. You’re sobbing so much that you don’t even hear the library door eventually quietly open behind you.

A warm hand lands on your shoulder and a sleepy voice filled with alarm sounds softly next to you, “(Y/N)?? (Y/N) holy fuck, what happened? Tell me what’s going on, princess. Are you hurt? (Y/N), look at me. Angel, please look at me. What’s going on?? Why are you crying?”

You look to the side where the voice is coming from, meeting the extremely sleepy and very concerned gaze of Ezreal who is kneeling next to your chair. He looks so genuinely worried, which is so uncharacteristic for him, and he’s so gentle as he hugs you close to him. It just makes you cry harder as you cling to his t-shirt. This is what you’re going to lose because your own emotions betrayed your logic.

Ezreal just hugs you tightly and rubs your back until you’ve calmed down significantly. Then he moves another arm chair so it’s next to yours, angles it towards yours, and takes your hand once he sits. “(Y/N)…please tell me what’s going on…” he says as his thumb rubs soothingly over your knuckles.

You sniff and wipe your eyes with a handkerchief he manages to find and give to you. “Ezreal we need to talk. Something’s happened…” you trail off as more tears start streaming down your cheeks and another sob escapes.

He gently squeezes your hand. “(Y/N) please tell me what’s happened. Whatever it is. I want to help, princess, always. Have I done something wrong? You seemed to cry harder when you saw me..if I did something please, please tell me. I’ve never seen you like this before, and that’s saying something because I’ve seen you cry about many things over the time we’ve known each other,” his voice is practically a soft beg as he frets over you. “Are you hurt? Are you sick??” His face pales and he momentarily pauses as it’s clear a thought crosses his mind. “(Y/N), y-you’re not p-pregnant, right? I hope you w-wouldn’t be afraid to tell me if you were, even though t-that would…uh c-certainly be a b-big thing.”

His reaction to the idea brings a wry little smile to your face as you watch him. “No, I’m definitely not pregnant, Ezreal. First of all, you and I are both incredibly careful, and secondly, if I somehow was, I’d never hide that from you. That would be a terrible thing for me to do,” you reassure him softly.

You notice him relax a bit. “Ok, so you’re not pregnant. Then what is it? What has you so upset?” He asks curiously.

“Maybe I should stop and start confessing.”

“I don’t know how to tell you this and I don’t know what to do, Ez,” you let out on a sigh. “You know the eight rules we laid out when we started sleeping together a year and a half ago? Your four and my four?”

He confirms with a nod and a soft “yes I remember.”

“Well…I promised you when we were kids that I’d never lie to you, right? So I should just go ahead and tell you. So…I realized very recently…like extremely recently, that…that I’ve gone and broken my own rule number four…” you admit, your voice getting quieter and quieter as your anxiety grows. You look up at him and bite your lower lip as you wait for him to realize that particular rule is, “No falling in love with each other.”

“Your rule number four,” he whispers more so to himself than to you as he thinks. You can pinpoint his exact moment of realization. He suddenly freezes, his eyes going wide as he looks at you. Besides his wide eyes, you really can’t tell what he’s thinking and it frightens you.

“(Y/N)…your rule number four…” he murmurs slowly, as if making sure he’s not mistaken.

You flinch a little and look down into your lap. “Yup. Somewhere along the line, it seems I’ve fallen in love with you.” You look back up at him and give him a sad little smile. “It’s ok Ez. You don’t have to say anything. I know you don’t feel the same. Why would you? You very clearly said you didn’t want deeper feelings involved than our friendship. I’ve already accepted that. I understand your reasons and I respect them. I think if we end our physical relationship now, I can move on and not lose you completely. My own silly emotions are putting my most treasured friendship at risk and I’ll be completely honest, I’m terrified. I can’t lose having you in my life, Ez. I just can’t. That would kill me,” you know you’re rambling at this point but you can’t help it. Your anxiety over all this is just causing you to word vomit.

Ez comes over and hugs you tightly. “You won’t lose me, (Y/N). First of all, you’ve been my best friend, my partner-in-crime, hell, my person, for almost 20 years. I’m certainly not about to just throw two decades out the window. Secondly, why do you think you know what I’ll say, princess? I’m a different man than I was a year and a half ago. Hell, I’m a far different man than I was two months ago.” He steps back and looks down at you.

You look up at him as your eyes fill with tears again, softly begging, “Ez, please don’t. Don’t do this to me. Don’t give me false hope. I know you’re not cruel. Just tell me no. Tell me no so I can move on. Don’t let me make a fucking fool of myself, Ezreal.”

His voice is gentle, but firm, “(Y/N). Stop. Please stop so I can say what I need to say. You told me what you needed to tell me. Well funny enough, there’s something I need to tell you, too.” He grabs one of the books you were reading and flips to a pre-marked page, quickly scanning it.

Once he finds what he’s looking for, he lays the book on the side table next to you and points to a specific section. “(Y/N) read this page. Please. Especially the third paragraph down. It’s about the curse. It explains why I saw you specifically and not someone else,” he says as he sits back down in the chair next to you.

As you read that page, out of the corner of your eye you see him continue to open other sources to the pages you assume correspond to the Tomb of the Fallen Lovers. You turn your focus on what he wants you to read. The delicate and well-worn page of the ancient journal discusses the different known traps of that specific tomb.

The section he pointed out specifically covers the illusion trap. You focus on the words intently as your curiosity spikes. “Those who enter the tomb will see the one they romantically love most tortured, just as the king saw happen to his beloved queen. Believed to do so in order to most effectively break the will of the person who enters by making it seem like they failed to keep the person in their heart safe.”

You quickly look up at Ezreal. “Ez?” You ask quietly.

Ezreal just nods and pushes the other books in front of you. “Read these too. I’ve marked relevant passages. I know you. You do research. You like sources. You want proof. Here is your academic proof from first and second-hand historical accounts, princess. Read,” he says, using a voice you know very well. It’s a voice he uses in the bedroom often with you. It’s affectionate and gentle, but it’s still undoubtably commanding.

You find yourself almost scrambling to obey him, just as you have the other lovely times in your life he’s used that voice on you. You pull each of the books closer and read where he’s marked. They also say the same thing. You see the person you love the most romantically in the illusion. After finally finishing the last page he marked, you look back up at him with wide eyes, almost trembling a little bit as you still struggle to fully believe what you’ve just read.

You murmur, “You said at Hoskel’s party that it was just a general loved one that people saw. You didn’t mention romantic love. Ez? Is this true?”

He pauses for a moment and then nods. “It is. When I went in, I didn’t think I’d see anyone. A year and a half ago, I told you that I didn’t need deeper feelings in my life beyond what already existed in our friendship. I didn’t think the trap would work on me because I didn’t think I “loved” anyone like that. Then I saw you in that trap and it felt like my heart stopped beating,” he says, pausing to take a breath as if steeling himself to remember what came next.

After a moment, he continues, “The absolute terror that went through me the moment I heard your voice and saw you in that illusion. The fury I felt towards those I saw hurting you in the illusion. The pure anguish I felt when I couldn’t save you…it was as if the world went dark in my eyes. When I told you last night a life without you wasn’t living to me, I meant every single word. I had a glimpse of what that would be and feel like. I was in hell thinking I didn’t have you in my life anymore. I was in the deepest parts of hell until I finally remembered you were still here in Piltover, perfectly safe. I’m not sure I can properly express how fucking relieved I was to realize it was just an illusion. It was like taking a first breath of air after thinking you’re drowning.”

He sighs and runs his hands through his hair before looking into your eyes as he talks, “That’s when I realized I’d been completely lying to myself. Turns out I also broke your rule number four. I’m so in love with you, (Y/N). I’ve just been trying to work up the courage to tell you. Believe it or not, I also didn’t want to fuck up our friendship. Having you in my life means everything to me. I didn’t think you felt the same way. Why would you? A year and a half ago you said dating me would be a one way express ticket to driving yourself insane. The last thing I ever wanted to do was cause you unhappiness. So I just….tried to hide my feelings. Or I suppose I just loved you silently, in the small ways, by doing small things. Taking care of you and trying to make you happy because doing so makes me happy.”

You can’t help but melt at how sincere he looks. Your voice is soft, “Oh Ez…so that’s why you’ve been so sweet lately. Well you do make me very happy. Seeing your sweet side also made me very happy, but it was just all so confusing once I realized I didn’t see you as just a friend anymore.” You reach over and gently cup his cheek, smiling softly at how he eagerly leans into your touch, turning his head and kissing your palm softly.

Your thumb rubs his cheekbone as you muse, “I had my realization at Hoskel’s party last night. It’s why I got so distracted and tensed up while we were dancing. My feet were actually starting to hurt, so I didn’t lie about that, but it was the other realization that made me so physically anxious. I realized I’ve been falling in love with you for a while and that I was well and truly sunk. I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t believe there was any way you felt the same. The very last thing I wanted to do was push you away, but I knew I couldn’t lie to you or not tell you.”

Ez stands and opens his arms for a hug. You gladly jump up from your chair and walk directly into his waiting embrace. As he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close, you nuzzle his neck and let out a happy sniff, a few more tears trickling out.

“I hope those are happy tears I feel, Angel,” he murmurs. He then chuckles softly as he feels you nod. Both of you just stand there, holding each other tightly for a minute as these new revelations sink in for both of you.

Eventually, you have a thought that breaks the idyllic joy of the moment, and you have to voice it. “Ezreal…there’s still stuff we need to talk about,” you murmur quietly. “What are we going to do? We love each other, yes, and that makes me so damn happy. However, your career…you’re gone so often a-and for so l-long. It s-sucks when you’re gone. I miss you so t-terribly, but I’d never ask you to stop exploring and adventuring. It’s your passion. Your drive. You’re so damn good at it. If I asked you to give it up, I fear you’d come to regret me. That’s something I couldn’t bear…”

“I'll pay the price, I'll sacrifice; That's on my love, yeah”

He nods and kisses your cheek. “You’re right baby, this is something we must talk about,” he replies, thinking for just a moment. “How about some compromising? Love is compromise and communication, right? Occasionally you should take some time off and come with me. It’s fun! I won’t make you go into any cursed or trap-filled places. In fact I definitely would rather you didn’t. I want you safe. This way though, you’d at least be there, and it wouldn’t be as terrible for either of us since we’re together. I’m researching some potential smaller expeditions closer by that would be perfect.”

You think for a moment before smiling and nodding, liking the idea. “You know I love history, especially ancient history. I’ve always been jealous you get to see these incredible sites, so it would be amazing if I got the chance to see some myself,” you reply.

He smiles and kisses your forehead before murmuring, “I do know and I’ve always wanted to show them to you and see your face light up as you see the history in front of you. As for my compromise, when I do come home, I’ll stay home longer in between expeditions. Either I’ll stay enough time to match the length of the expedition, or at least 3 months, whichever is longer. I say at least 3 months because believe it or not, it’s really hard to leave you, you know. I hate leaving you. So I may not even want to leave here after 3 months to go travel,” he concedes.

You tighten your arms around him and smile a little. “I’ll certainly do my best to make you not want to go. I hate it when you leave me, even though I know you’re doing incredible things and I’m wildly proud of you. You’re amazing, truly,” you say.

Ez leans forward and kisses your forehead, murmuring against your skin, “This way I’ll have more time with you between expeditions. It’ll also give me more time to better research the locations I’m going. I sometimes wing it more often than I probably should.” You can feel him flinch a little as he admits this to you.

You just let out a teary laugh and nuzzle his cheek. “Fucking hell, Ezreal! Don’t tell me that. That will just make me worry more. I do like these compromises, though. I think traveling together might be fun! Or we’ll kill each other, but hey that’s part of the excitement,” you let out on a giggle. You take a breath before continuing, “and knowing I get more time with you here at home makes me very very happy.”

He smiles. “It makes me very happy too. I’ll also give you a key to the house and tell my uncle you’re welcome to it while I’m here or away. I know you enjoy wearing my clothes because they smell like me, yeah? I might as well give you the chance to steal some whenever you want.” He gently smirks at you.

You blush deeply and hide against his shoulder again as you nod. “Y-yes please. It’s extremely comforting to have something of yours when you’re gone. Are you sure your uncle would be alright with me having a key? I wouldn’t want to be a bother” You look back up and meet his gaze.

“I truly don’t think he’ll have an issue with that. He knows we’re close. He’s always been fond of you since you manage to keep me mostly in line. He likes to say you’ve done ‘a hell of a job protecting this family’s name and reputation.’” Ez’s smirk widens.

You can’t help but giggle. “I certainly try my best to keep you respectable, that’s for sure. But, that sounds good. As long as he doesn’t have an issue with it.” You smile softly at him. “And hey, maybe I could have dinner with him every now and then while you’re away. Or we could have dinner with him when you’re here. As much as the two of you don’t see eye-to-eye, he is your family, Ez, and I do want to get to know him better.”

His eyes soften. “I’ll talk to him about it. I know how important family is to you.”

You nod and softly murmur, “It means so much to me. And it will continue to mean so much to me as I continue into the future.”

Ez smiles and turns ever so slightly pink. “Speaking of the future..this is a long way away, but if, somewhere in the future, we…” his voice trails off and he blushes more, his voice shy as he continues, “..well, i-if our relationship goes to the next step and we e-eventually want to start a f-family of our o-own, I’m h-happy to adjust my e-expedition timelines even more.” He kisses your forehead.

Your eyes widen and you turn bright pink as you process what he says.

He murmurs against your forehead. “I love my parents, and I know they love me. Every day I hope they’ll come home, now more than ever so they can see you, see how you’ve grown up since we were little, and see how much I absolutely adore you. Both of them always liked you, you know, especially my mother. She’d be absolutely thrilled with this development,” he says, grinning.

You kiss his cheek and smile. “All my memories of your parents are fond ones, Ez. They were always so lovely to me.”

He lets out a sigh as he holds you closer. “My one regret, though, is how often and how long they were both gone. How much of my childhood it seems like they missed. I-I want to do things differently when I have a family of my own,” he admits to you. He seems to realize even more what he’s saying and he blushes even more, smiling at you shyly. “I apologize, I’m getting way far ahead of myself. Do you even want kids? It’s alright if you don’t. They’re not a necessity for me. Pets are fine too,” he rushes to add.

You giggle softly and gently peck his lips. “I have been thinking about getting a cat lately. I wouldn’t mind having kids, though, but only if they’re yours, Indiana Jones. I want to see you with a daughter, actually. Especially one with your eyes. I think that would be very cute,” you muse, picturing the adorable scene of future him playing with a little girl who has his golden hair and blue eyes. “But that’s not something we need to rush into. I’m happy to wait a while on that. We have time.”

He nods, his face lit up, before he rests his forehead against yours. “I agree, though I hope any kids we do have get your eyes, not mine. But you’re right. We’re young and we have plenty of time to make that decision if and when we’re ready for it. God I’m just so happy…” he murmurs, and you can hear the genuine joy in his voice. “(Y/N), I’m going to kiss you now. Like really kiss you. Is that alright?

You beam as you already start to pull him closer. “Of course, Ez…please do,” you murmur back happily.

You thread your hands in his hair as he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you against him. Before you know it, he’s kissing you completely breathless. His lips are fervent and his kiss is filled with so much emotion that once again, he has your legs going a little weak. He’s quite talented at making them do that at this point. You kiss him back in kind. Your lips move slowly against one another’s and it’s not until a few long moment later that you pull away slightly in order to catch your breath and slow your racing heart.

He rests his forehead against yours and looks you in the eyes as one of his hands moves to lace with one of yours. The love you see in his expression nearly undoes you. His gentle gaze travels over every bit of your face, as if memorizing how you look in this very moment. “God you’re perfect…and I love you so damn much,” he murmurs, his soft voice full of emotion.

You smile, blush, and cup his jaw with your free hand, murmuring back, “And I love you, Ezreal. So very much. So what do you say? Let’s officially end our best friends with benefits arrangement and start an actual relationship? With dates and cheesy shit?”

He grins and nods. “Absolutely, princess. Although let’s be honest with each other, we were sort of already doing dates and cheesy shit, both of us were just in wild denial about it,” he says, a touch of humor coloring his voice.

You smile as you blush even more. “Now that I think about it, you’re right. We were basically a couple in every way but name.” You giggle.

His expression softens as he continues, “Let’s make one thing very clear though,” he gently kisses your forehead. “You’ll always be my very best friend. I just also happen to be very in love with you.”

You smile and murmur, “I couldn’t have worded it better myself.” You sigh and close your eyes. “I’m sorry for leaving you alone in bed this morning…I just…I got overwhelmed and needed to try and sort all of this out in my head.”

Ez kisses you softly. “It’s alright baby, I understand. This is an excellent spot to think in. But now that we’ve figured it all out….please come back to bed with me?”

“You take all my inhibitions. Baby, there’s nothing holding me back.”

You sigh again, this time happily, and let out a breathless giggle as his lips move to start traversing along your jaw and throat. As he does so, his hands grip your hips to keep you close to him.

“You and your ability to turn me into god damn putty. How could I refuse such a lovely and polite request. I’m in love with such a gentleman,” you playfully say. You smirk as you feel his fingers dig into your hips a little bit more.

Before you can even register what’s happening, you’re looking down at Ezreal’s returning smirk as he carries you out of the library.

You let out a gasp and instinctively wraps your legs around his waist, causing his smirk to widen. “Ezreal!” You exclaim on a delighted laugh.

He just chuckles in return. “Do you think anyone will be surprised we’ve gotten together?”

You can’t help but blush. “I don’t think my family will be very surprised, considering their suspicions regarding the hickeys you left on me. What about your uncle? Will he be shocked?”

He grins and shakes his head. “Probably not, to be honest. As I said, he knows we’re close. I’m sure he’s had his own suspicions over the years.”

“I’m curious if other people outside of our families suspect something. Based on Hoskel’s words last night as we were leaving…well it seems like everyone but us knew,” you giggle as you play with his hair.

“They don’t know for sure though. We could have some fun with them,” he says as his expression turns mischievous.

Your eyebrows go up at the suggestion. “You really think we could control the narrative for a while? As soon as there’s a whiff of a rumor, you know they’ll jump on it,” you murmur.

He leans up and nips your jaw before pulling back and grinning at your soft whine. “I know you hate being the center of society’s attention. Why not keep our happiness to ourselves for a little longer? Though I’m not going to deny our relationship if someone asks us directly, of course. I’ll be quite happy to be known as yours.”

You blush happily and kiss his cheek. “So considerate. And I’m very happy being publicly known as yours too. But I do like the idea of keeping things low-key for now. Let���s do it. Let’s cause some eventual chaos for the vultures.”

Ez sets you down on the bed so you’re sitting at the edge, while he’s still standing between your legs. You take the chance to lower your arms and slide your hands back up under his shirt. His head tilts back in a happy sigh.

“‘Cause chaos?’ You weren’t kidding earlier this morning, Angel. I really have corrupted you a little bit,” he chuckles.

You smirk and gently pull his shirt collar down so his face is level with yours. “Only you know how much though.” You wink at him. “After so many years with you, I suppose ‘lady in the streets, freak in the sheets,’ is the energy I’ve been going for. Since you’re the only one who has seen me and will see me in both settings, have I been successful at it?” Your smirk widens as your question causes his eyes to darken.

He lays you back and crawls over you, leaving a trail of kisses random places on the way up. He pauses so his lips are right above yours as he murmurs, “My love, you’ve succeeded at that goal just as you’ve done everything else you’ve set out to do. With excellence.”

Your face lights up as he calls you “my love.”

Ez smiles gently and pecks your lips. “What is it, princess?”

You blush happily as you look up at him. “Say it again. Call me your love again.”

His grin grows. “Do you like pet names, my love? I had no idea.” His voice is dripping with playful sarcasm as he winks back at you.

You laugh and gently swat his shoulder. “Bullshit, Ezreal. You might have started calling me “princess” when we were kids, but you certainly don’t mean it innocently anymore. And you know I know that.”

His grin shifts to a smirk as you talk. “I will neither confirm nor deny I had this knowledge. Do I have permission to call you pet names?”

You lean up and kiss him, murmuring, “Permission enthusiastically granted as long as I may call you more pet names in return.”

He nips your bottom lip before his lips travel to your right ear. His voice is like a low purr as he murmurs, “Absolutely, princess. Call me whatever you want. I just want to be yours.”

You sigh happily and turn your head so you can kiss him, your hands starting to tug his shirt up his back. “When you said come back to bed, handsome, I figured we’d be going to sleep again,” you tease.

“Didn’t you say earlier this morning that I’m your favorite sleep aid? That my methods make you feel the best? What sort of partner would I be if I didn’t make myself useful for you? As I’ve said before, happy to be of service, my princess. Thrilled you could even say. Shall I figure out the proper dosage to help you fall asleep?” he teases back smugly. His calmer voice is very much at odds with his actions as he practically tears his shirt off in his eagerness.

You grin widely at him. “Sounds great to me. Thank goodness I have such a caring boyfriend who is so concerned about me getting the rest I need.” Your voice is very playful as your hands rest on his now-bare chest.

His face lights up brightly as you call him your boyfriend. He leans down again and kisses you hungrily for a moment before pushing back up and grinning down at you.

“Now, Ez, you know I’m a person of science. So tell me, what method are you trying first?” Your eyebrows go up and you bite your lip as you gently start to move a hand down his chest.

Ez leans down and nibbles along your collarbone, causing you to gasp softly. “You know, it is breakfast time…and oh! Looks like I have my favorite meal under me. What a coincidence, hrm?” He murmurs against your skin before looking up at you while one of his hands travels to your thigh and gently traces shapes into the soft skin. He winks, causing your cheeks to go bright red.

It’s amazing how easily he can fluster you. “Well how convenient for you! I believe it’s always nice to really take your time and savor your favorite meal…after you quickly start enjoying it, that is,” you whisper breathlessly.

“Great minds think alike, Angel,” he murmur. He pushes up the shirt of his you’re wearing to expose your stomach so he can lean down and start leaving marks. “So you’re amenable to me having ‘breakfast’ then?”

“Yes, Ezreal. Now, please.” You can definitely hear the impatience in your voice as you gently use your nails to scratch lightly along his scalp. “A preemptive ‘thank you for making me see stars,’ Indiana Jones.”

He leans back up and kisses you deeply again for a moment before smirking and whispering against your lips, “And a preemptive ‘sweet dreams’ for you, my princess.”

Then he starts kissing back down your body and well, let's be honest, it really doesn’t take too long for you to get to enjoy your sweet dreams of him.

EPILOGUE

“If you were by my side and we stumbled in the dark; I know we’d be alright, I know we would be alright.”

(Five months later)

“Are you ready, princess? We’re almost there,” Ezreal’s soft voice fills the small carriage the two of you are traveling in. Though, unlike the last time you traveled to Councilor Hoskel’s mansion, where you were sat next to him on the bench of the carriage, this time you’re happily settled in a much more preferable position. You’re on Ez’s lap, nuzzling his cheek. He’d just returned from another 2-month-long expedition a couple days ago and both of you just couldn’t get enough of being in each other’s arms again. You're sure everyone is sick of the two of you, but you really can't find two fucks to give. Your favorite person is finally home again.

You gently pull back and smile at him, nodding. “I suppose so,” you say. "Though I'd much rather be a little selfish and have you to myself tonight, if I'm being honest."

Ez tilts his head and smirks widely at you before pecking your lips. "I assure you, the feeling is entirely mutual, baby, but my uncle and your family are coming this time and we promised them we'd attend. I'd rather not have them hunt us down to make sure everything is alright," he murmurs affectionately.

You smile as you think about your family and his uncle. You both told them about your new relationship status first. As predicted, none of them were shocked in the very slightest. The nerve-wracking part was over. Then it was time to have a little fun with everyone else.

The fun part came at the next society event Ez was invited to, a couple weeks after the original event at Hoskel’s. You and him coordinated outfits to match colors, your dress to the vest he wore under his suit jacket. This was just cute, classic, and easy thing to do but boy did tongues wag. You’d been his plus one for years, but the two of you never coordinated colors so precisely before now. The fact you did had rumors flying from the moment you and him stepped into the event space.

A month after that, there was also the much less subtle incident involving a lipstick print on the side of his jaw neither of you realized was there. It obviously matched your lipstick color of choice for the evening. The gossip reporters and photographers had an absolute field day with that one. You’d never felt so mortified, but Ez reassured you, through the power of many cuddles and kisses, that it was completely fine. He reasoned that it just ripped the band aid off letting everyone else know. Besides, he was ecstatic to be widely known as yours.

Thankfully, now you can look back on it and laugh. It was pretty funny in hindsight, and it definitely confirmed everyone’s pretty strong suspicions at that point that the two of you were together. If anything it made things easier since you didn’t have to hide your small moments of public affection with him anymore.

“You know I’ll always be proud to be by your side, right, Indiana Jones? Because I am incredibly proud of you and I love you very much,” you say.

“I know that and I’m very honored to be worthy of your love, (Y/N). I love you too.” Ezreal says, pecking your lips as the carriage slows. “Ready to face your adoring public again, princess?”

You giggle and take his hand, squeezing gently as you wink at him. “Absolutely! With you, Ez, I’m ready to face anything.”

And there we go! The end! I was finally able to sit and finish my edits. Thank you long weekend! And thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! As I mentioned at the end of chapter 2, this probably won't be the end of works in this universe. I'm in Ezreal brainrot at the moment (I blame the heavenscale skin splash arts. Obsessed with how Ez looks for both his regular and prestige skins).😅

#ezreal #ezreal fic #ezreal x reader #ezreal fluff #ezreal smut #ezreal angst #reader insert #league fanfic #lmao love using an ATLA gif for this

[dojae-huh]

Hello! Just want to say again that I'm glad I found your blog, your down-to-earth commentary, especially about the business side of it all, is very much appreciated :)

Hi. Thank you for letting me know, I'm glad you find some more down to earth posts useful. In part, I run this blog to offer an alternative in fandom experience.

Thing is, we, as k-pop fans and as people who don't work in showbusiness or South Korea, don't have enough knowledge, experience or inside information to have a strong educated opinion on most of things when it comes to idol companies and their executives. We can have opinions as customers - I like this music, this promotional strategy works on me, these outfits are ugly, this concept rocks -, but not as business analytics. Especially considering how much media play, false information and difference in cultures we face.

However, nowadays everyone has the illusion that they know better, that their opinion and feelings are valid when it comes to any topic. And spread and defend their opinion like it is the ultimate truth.

I've recently come across a twit starting with "it appears that" and ending with "for sure". In a span of a few sentences the fan offered an imaginary scenario and finished with a "this is truth". Of course to "prove" that SM is evil, heh. Such baseless statements easily play on fans' love for their biases, evoke an emotional response, call to arms, they give an answer to "Who is to blame?!", provide a target for unleashing frustration and anger.

When one solo-stan blames our bias, we can call bullshit because we know how things really are. When a fan blames Chris Lee or SM, other fans are ready to accept the words as believeable. Either because they share the sentiment, or have no own opinion on the matter, so any will do. If everyone around says the same thing, it should be true, afterall? That's how our brains are wired: follow the majority, agree with the tribe, mirror everyone's current emotion.

We can't see the inner works and we don't know the inner rules, but we can see the results of labour and sometimes a reflection of things.

When I came to k-pop, I knew SM as the company that overworks its artists, has lawsuits with them, is super strict. Broken in two halves TVXQ and EXO with half of its members gone weren't a good representation. So when I started to get to know NCT better, I started to wonder if I was lied to or that something had changed in SM (the latter). Neos were taught how to songwrite, SM persisted with good quality music for NCT despite the group not taking off right away, artists not looking slavelike, there was SMstation and interesting projects.

Sure, I can observe bad work: poorly prepared concerts (Link), constant failures with album production (omitting Doyoung's name, boring designs for 127), tasteless stylists, etc. However, I also see good work: artists flying first/business class and living in 5 star hotels, being given opportunity to go to the beach, museums, to enjoy sightseeing in new countries; opportunity to explore one's creativity (soundcloud, NCTLabs, solo performances for Link); SM giving artists second professions (MC, variety host, model) that will aid professional longevity (Doyoung hasn't finished school and doesn't have a degree, but I'm not worried for him, even if SM collapses, he'll always find a job. Same for Taeyong, he came as a blank page, now he is a songwriter and a producer, he can even become a choreographer); neos progressively being given more choice and say, their opinion being consulted and their ideas being implemented once they gain enough experience (Golden Dust story, Taeyong making his own setlist for his concert, Doyoung saying Unity should not have solo-stages, Ten choosing the mood and genre for his solo, etc).

Most importantly, I can see many friendships between neos and producers/managers, and that Haechan and Doyoung, who experienced all of SM's downsides personally and not once, continue to like the company. Meaning, the good should outweight the bad. At least for now.

Fans learnt the name of Chris Lee and continue to blame him for everything to this day, although he doesn't own any shares in SM and has stopped being a CEO a year ago. He is a token scapegoat.

Should I blindly trust fans or should I go read Wikipedia, interviews and listen to the guy himself? In situations like these I always choose the latter.

Sure, I can't tell if he evades taxes or participates in shady business, and what neos think of him (aside from Doyoung calling him "hyung" in public and not being afraid of getting punished for it), but I can see he was the person who overlooked all the early NCT songs (we have "Limitless", "Cherry bomb" thanks to him); created SMStation and SMClassics (say thank you for "Try again", "Star blossom"); found Dem Jointz ("Kick it", "Punch", "Sticker") and multiple other songwriters who now work for SM; brought to Korea the idea of songwriting camps, in which Kun participates nowadays and where he befriends foreign creators; invested SM money into a publishing company (and not a winery or a hotel business), which means SM artists will be secured to have a lot of songs to choose from in the future, and Korean young producers will have access to the global market. He has been with SM close to 20 years, and he is evidently a music nerd, ergo he understands artists and their love for music. So why should I hate him? I have no proof of him taking money away from neos, but I have evidence he was very essential to formation of NCT and the quality of SM sound being maintained. On the contrary, I'm inclined to suspect the quality of albums (song setlist, production) is raising again because he is back to supervising A&R in SM.

#ask me away #food all around chips all around #notes in the margins #chain reaction

[rivaldi22]

Something a little different this time, instead of visual art, I wrote some words, wherein two women talk about planets and the gods they're named after.

Thanks for reading.

XII: Neptune

“The names you give your planets,” asks the Wizard, breaking the silence between the broken glass crunch of Heulog-12’s footsteps. “What is their meaning? What is…’Jupiter’, what is ‘Neptune’ or ‘Saturn’?” Heulog hadn’t noticed, but the Wizard had slowed their glide to stop in front of a stylized mural depicting the Sol System; such displays were not uncommon in the Cosmodrome.

Heulog hums in astonishment. “I didn’t realize you could read Old Russian.”

The Wizard hesitates for a moment, sinking a bit closer to the floor. “...I cannot. I have read the records of them in the World’s Grave. The Grave is replete with empiric information: names, locations, recent history, but there is little by way of semantic relevance. There is little there concerned with meaning.”

“Meaning?” Heulog is surprised to hear such soft concepts be sanctioned by such sharp teeth. She thinks for a moment, then sighs. “I don’t suppose this counts as Vanguard intel, but nevertheless let’s just keep these…encounters to ourselves for the time being, yeah? This is like the third time in as many months that we’ve bumped into eac—”

“Coincidences and nothing more.” The Wizard hisses with pressed urgency.

“As you’ve insisted. Repeatedly. Now, the planets. They come from old religions. Pre-Golden Age. I’ve read in the Cryptarchy about the mythologies of ancient Rome, though I am no expert; that was more Tyra’s thing. See, they were polytheistic, and came up with personified representations of natural phenomena in order to explain the sometimes capricious and unpredictable behavior of the world around them. Jupiter was the god of the sky, and thunderstorms. Neptune was the god of the sea. Saturn was the god of…time? And agriculture? Wealth? A lot of things, the man was busy.”

The Wizard turns to the Warlock. “Sad that your ancestors had to fabricate gods for themselves, whereas we the Hive are blessed with the knowledge that ours walk among us. It must have been a lonely time in Earth’s history, so removed were you from any and all divinity.”

The Exo scoffs. “You presuppose it would be better had our gods walked among us, implanting ontopathogenic parasites along the way?”

“I didn’t say our way was ‘better’, I said that yours was ‘sad’ and ‘lonely’.” The Wizard turns and resumes drifting down the hallway of broken glass. “So your planets are named for gods which were allegorical constructs representing concepts. But the meaning is still missing. Why is the planet Jupiter given the name of your thundergod, why is the planet Neptune given that of your god of—” She searches for the word. ”Waves?”

Heulog shrugs. “Your guess is as good as mine. Jupiter is the biggest, Neptune is the bluest? I get the impression it was less about 1:1 semantic matchup, and more about a feeling. An emotion.”

“Do you name yourselves through the same heuristic?”

“Sometimes, sure.”

The Wizard thinks on this a moment. After stopping themselves short three times, they finally ask, “What is the emotion of ‘Heulog’?”

The Exo stops and looks directly at the Wizard. “How do you know my name?”

Curving away in recoil, the Wizard falters. “I—Your Ghost, I overheard it from your Ghost. It talks very loudly.”

Checking the pocket inside her robes where Alder likes to stay when physically manifested, Heulog is greeted by the sleepy, but very silent, glowblue grin of her best friend. Heulog smiles, mouths the word “hey,” and tucks her robes back into place, turning to face the Wizard. “We both know that’s not true.” Her narrowed eyes widen with sudden excitement. “Wait. Do I have an entry in the World’s Grave?!”

The Wizard, unsure, barely above a whisper, admits, “Yes. It is where I first heard about you. It was…intriguing to me. You were not at all like I expected.”

Heulog squints, amused, at the quavering Wizard. “We are going to have to have a sit-down at some point so you can tell me all about what sort of wild, exaggerated fan-fiction the Hive have scrawled about me. But to answer your question: it means “sunny” in Cymraeg, also known as ‘Welsh’ in English, because the provenance of English is one of naming things that already had names. The intent behind my name? I don’t know, maybe it was because of my winning smile and warm disposition. Unfortunately I cannot ask the last person who used this body.”

“I understand,” the Wizard lies, affecting a posture of thoughtfulness and introspection.

“Why this interest in the meaning of names? Is this an important subject in Hive cul—” She stops herself, smirks and shakes her head in self-admonishment. She walks over to the Wizard, reaches up, and gently tugs on her claw. Such is the size difference that she can only manage to grab a single digit. “Hey. What’s your name?”

The Wizard’s three eyes flash. “I am called Kysurax. Its meaning is that of sea-foam: sea-foam of the God-wave, the lingering impression of green logic left behind in the wake of final destruction. It means ‘beautiful,’ and it means ‘me’.”

“I understand,” Heulog lies. Her posture of thoughtfulness and introspection, however, is genuine. “Hell of a thing to be named after though, right? In the wake of, y’know, recent developments and all that? Finding out the wave was a lie?” She had been absent-mindedly pushing around shards of glass with the toe of her boot; they had now gathered together into a small pile. “So much fuss over fake gods, huh?”

Kysurax looks at the Exo, considering her rhetorical questions. “Like Neptune?”

Heulog looks back at the Wizard with a guileless grin. “Like Neptune.”

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