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my-castles-crumbling · 5 months

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hello hello,

sorry bc this is a bit long and I got a bit carried away

But basically all my life i thought my home life was super great but looking back on it, it was nice but some slightly (only slightly) questionable stuff [I want to clarify that it’s nothing physical but some of it was a little bit fucked up like I have one stand out memory but also I may have made it up bc idk sometimes I’m super sure it happened and sometimes I’m not] went down and now i notice more and more my parents making sexist/homophobic/transphobic jokes and offhand comments and then getting annoyed and yelling at me whenever I try and tell them they’re wrong. I also sort of noticed that they’re a bit too pushy and invasive of my privacy [especially my mother who loves to offload her problems onto me and has since I was pretty small and would just barge into my room at any time and tell me about them and I understand communication is important in families but I don’t think 9 is a good age for your mother to regularly be crying to you about how suicidal she feels but she always acted like it was a good thing so I assumed it was too idk] and it’s like half the time they treat me like I’m way younger than I am [late teen] and the other half of the time it’s like they expect me to be a mature adult and like I just want to be my actual age yk but I can’t and tbh I don’t even know how to go about doing that now bc I feel like I’ve sort of been stifled and the thing is I’m not sure how I should actually be feeling about the whole thing because I don’t think they’re actually really bad people [my parents] and I end up feeling guilty about the fact that I just don’t want to talk to them anymore [especially my mum] and like ik people who have way worse home lives than me and I feel like it’s being a bit selfish to complain bc sure they make problematic jokes but I don’t think they’d necessarily treat me worse if I came out [non-binary and pan] but also I don’t think they’d be that great about it like my brother came out as bi and they were like ok but then one time when he was away they were talking about ‘if he gets a girlfriend’ and I said ‘or a boyfriend bc he’s bi’ and they were like ‘yeah he’s bi but he’s only ever really shown interest in girls so we doubt he’s actually bi but I mean if he got a boyfriend we’d be fine with it’ and I was like on the one hand like it could be worse but it still didn’t sit right with me that they just casually assumed he was lying about it even tho he’d literally come out…

also I sort of don’t even want to come out atp to them I just want to sort of quietly cut ties or distance myself

so I sort of tried to do that [as much as I can yk being still a minor and living at home] but now I’ve got my mum not so subtly idk tryna guilt trip me. Like she’ll say shit about how I used to talk to her and now I never do and like there’s a fucking reason [I now actually have friends who I realised I feel way more comfortable around] but ok

Like a while back she came to my room and tried to do the usual complaining thing about how she’s v depressed and all and I tried to respectfully tell her she needs therapy and she got super upset with me and started crying and stormed out my room and then she came back later and tried again and I told her like as nicely as I could that I can’t handle this bc I am just a kid yk as nice as possible I cannot handle my shit let alone yours like my mental health is not great rn and like I want to be there for the ppl in my life not feeling good but also like she’s been doing this since I was pretty small and there’s literally no way I can really support her except spending more time with her maybe but then that’s bad for my mental health especially bc she’ll do offhand shit that she knows I don’t like [like I have sensory issues bc I’m neurodivergent and having a hand put on my shoulder for some reason I just ugh it’s the worst - and ever since she noticed that I would pull away she’s started doing it more and every time I pull away she makes jokes about how she must have ‘a disease or something’ and just UGH sorry it infuriates me]

so basically [sorry for the suuuper long ask] I’m not sure what the right thing to do is, like do I try and remedy the relationship with my parents [but especially my mum] or do I just sort of keep going like this till I’m at uni or what?

again sorry this is way too long

Hi love! First of all, I wanna give a TW to people reading:

TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts

Okay, I'm gonna take this one section at a time:

Okay chances are you're not making it up. Thinking you're making it up is a super common symptom of guilt trips and gaslighting. If you think it happened...it probably did.

went down and now i notice more and more my parents making sexist/homophobic/transphobic jokes and offhand comments and then getting annoyed and yelling at me whenever I try and tell them they’re wrong.

This is NOT okay of them. They're being disrespectful.

I also sort of noticed that they’re a bit too pushy and invasive of my privacy [especially my mother who loves to offload her problems onto me and has since I was pretty small and would just barge into my room at any time and tell me about them and I understand communication is important in families but I don’t think 9 is a good age for your mother to regularly be crying to you about how suicidal she feels but she always acted like it was a good thing so I assumed it was too idk]

Uhm hi hello hi. NO. No no no. This is NOT okay. Parents do NOT tell their children about their suicidal feelings. Absolutely not. This is a classic example of parentification. You, even as a teenager, are the CHILD. You are NOT responsible for your parents, and you should not feel any sort of pressure to help with their wellbeing. Nope.

and it’s like half the time they treat me like I’m way younger than I am [late teen] and the other half of the time it’s like they expect me to be a mature adult and like I just want to be my actual age yk but I can’t and tbh I don’t even know how to go about doing that now bc I feel like I’ve sort of been stifled and the thing is I’m not sure how I should actually be feeling about the whole thing

yup. parentification. You've been expected to take on the role of a parent when convenient and act like a child when convenient. this is not okay and you're absolutely right to feel weird and bad and resentful about it.

because I don’t think they’re actually really bad people [my parents]

And here's the thing: that can also be true. A lot of times, parents can both love you/be good people AND unintentionally be hurtful. But in a way, that can be even more difficult because like...how do you explain to someone who thinks they're not being hurtful that they ARE?

and I end up feeling guilty about the fact that I just don’t want to talk to them anymore [especially my mum] and like ik people who have way worse home lives than me and I feel like it’s being a bit selfish to complain bc sure they make problematic jokes but I don’t think they’d necessarily treat me worse if I came out [non-binary and pan] but also I don’t think they’d be that great about it like my brother came out as bi and they were like ok but then one time when he was away they were talking about ‘if he gets a girlfriend’ and I said ‘or a boyfriend bc he’s bi’ and they were like ‘yeah he’s bi but he’s only ever really shown interest in girls so we doubt he’s actually bi but I mean if he got a boyfriend we’d be fine with it’ and I was like on the one hand like it could be worse but it still didn’t sit right with me that they just casually assumed he was lying about it even tho he’d literally come out… also I sort of don’t even want to come out atp to them I just want to sort of quietly cut ties or distance myself so I sort of tried to do that [as much as I can yk being still a minor and living at home] but now I’ve got my mum not so subtly idk tryna guilt trip me. Like she’ll say shit about how I used to talk to her and now I never do and like there’s a fucking reason [I now actually have friends who I realised I feel way more comfortable around] but ok Like a while back she came to my room and tried to do the usual complaining thing about how she’s v depressed and all and I tried to respectfully tell her she needs therapy and she got super upset with me and started crying and stormed out my room and then she came back later and tried again and I told her like as nicely as I could that I can’t handle this bc I am just a kid yk as nice as possible I cannot handle my shit let alone yours like my mental health is not great rn and like I want to be there for the ppl in my life not feeling good but also like she’s been doing this since I was pretty small and there’s literally no way I can really support her except spending more time with her maybe but then that’s bad for my mental health especially bc she’ll do offhand shit that she knows I don’t like [like I have sensory issues bc I’m neurodivergent and having a hand put on my shoulder for some reason I just ugh it’s the worst - and ever since she noticed that I would pull away she’s started doing it more and every time I pull away she makes jokes about how she must have ‘a disease or something’ and just UGH sorry it infuriates me]

This is what I'm saying: it's super difficult to convince someone they're being hurtful when they truly think they aren't. Trust me, my mother is the same way. But you aren't wrong for wanting to distance yourself. Also, don't compare yourself to other people. You have a DIFFERENT home life, not necessarily a better or worse one.

Don't be sorry! I guess the first thing I'd say is, all of your feelings are valid, and this sounds super difficult. I'm sorry you have to go through it <3. Here's the thing: You are right. There are some things going on in your house that aren't okay. But the reality is, your mom doesn't seem to be willing to hear your opinion about changing them. SO, where do you go from here?

I think the two major things I've had to learn with my (very similar) mother is:

Set boundaries and stick to them. If she's dumping on you and you can't handle it, tell her it's not okay. Keep politely telling her this. There is NOTHING WRONG with doing this, even if she tells you otherwise.

Take what you can get, but don't get your hopes up. Does she want to take you out to lunch? Great. She wants to hang out after school? Awesome. But don't...rely on her to be more than she is.

If you're able to do these two things in a healthy way, this might be your best bet until you turn of age and you're able to reevaluate if you want a long-term relationship or not. But honestly, if you're financially dependent on her, separating from her completely might not be the best idea if you are safe.

The ONLY thing that makes me nervous about this whole situation is your mention of your mom's suicidal thoughts, so I'll leave you with this:

if your mom is scaring you with the way she is talking, call the authorities. You are a minor, and you should NEVER have to deal with that on your own.

No matter what happens, no matter WHAT your mom does, no matter what you do or don't say/do or don't do, your mother's decisions are her own. Nothing she does is your fault.

If you feel comfortable, please DM me! I'm being genuine when I say our moms sound similar, and I would love to talk more <3

P.s. I just want to say that, you are SO smart, as a teenager, to realize that this behavior is not okay. Good for you <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #tw sui ideation

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mymegumi · 1 year

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⠀ ⠀ 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐒 ! ෆ this blog is not spoiler-free ෆ this blog supports/writes/likes/reblogs dark content ෆ this blog is not completely sfw! ෆ probs wont mutual minors! jus cause it makes me ⠀ uncomfy, sorry pookies (aka <15yo) ෆ i will block ppl as i see fit. this is my safe space and if i ⠀ hard block you, then it’s just to protect my peace and ⠀ nothing more. ෆ i will soft block to break a mutual, as a sort of warning. ⠀ if you continue to bother me, i will hard block ෆ can/will break mutual over stupid shit lol ෆ genshin player (ar 52 on amer servs) ෆ mostly afab!reader in mind, but i try to make all works ⠀ as gn!reader as possible

⠀ ⠀ 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓 ! ෆ transphobe, homophobe, anti-semitic, racist, etc. m ෆ younger than fourteen ෆ don’t like dark content or dc creators ෆ spread hate thru anon/on dash ෆ get irrationally jealous/possessive over 2d men/women

ෆ support israel!!! tbh just block me pls if u do

⠀ ⠀ 𝐅𝐀𝐐 / 𝐐+𝐀 ! q: will you write a part two of [blank]? ⠀ a: nope! probably not :) q: are your req’s open? ⠀ a: kinda? just send me an ask n i might write for it. i ⠀ ⠀ might also not so like, lowkey up to you lol q: hey, can you tell me abt your cats? ⠀ a: i thot you’d never ask.

⠀ ⠀ 𝐃𝐎’𝐒 / 𝐃𝐎𝐍’𝐓’𝐒 ! (will be updated as i think of more things) ⠀ writing do’s: ෆ age gap, choking, spanking, degradation, oral fixation, ⠀ threesomes, cum swallowing, marking, cnc, ⠀ prey-hunter, pseudo-incest/stepcest (ie. brothers ⠀ sharing a partner, step-siblings), worship kink, ⠀ sub!male, masochism, sadism, master/sub dynamics. ⠀ writing don’t’s: ෆ power play (anything w a power dynamic), ⠀ teacher-student, age play, minor-legal, scat, piss, ⠀ vomit, snuff, anal, straight up incest (ie. parent/child, ⠀ cousins, blood siblings, etc.), hardcore/intense bdsm, ⠀ knife play, blood play, pet play, infantilism, slave play.

#txt!nav

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leonsi · 2 years

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tbh i think an interaction i had w a group of "woke" gay teens was more homophobic than my dad asking if pansexuality included furries.

they asked me, and i quote, "what kind of gay do you ID as?" and maybe that should have been my first warning sign, but they were my friends.

the second warning sign should have been the way their faces soured when i told them i was Queer. but they were my friends, and they were gay, and they said all of the politically correct terms and kept me up to date so i should trust them.

"unlabeled, you mean?" and i went with it, because i know not everyone's comfortable with the word Queer. unlabeled. that worked.

"it's so cute that you're a baby gay. we'll help you figure yourself out."

being invalidated isn't a foreign feeling. being invalidated by people i thought i could trust, thought would know my situation better than anyone else as they had lived through it... that had been foreign.

i tried to explain, at first. i've known i was Queer since the fourth grade, im not new at this. i've read the labels, i don't like them. Queer fits like a safety blanket around my shoulders and i wouldn't give it up for the world.

"have you heard of pan? pan is where you -"

"i thought pan was transphobic?"

"no that's bi, only two."

"ohhh."

it didn't work. they didn't trust me. i was a newbie, a baby, a lamb walking on wobbling limbs in the world of Queerness and they were my shepherds.

my own parents have called me a dyke. but i don't think anything felt as invalidating as being told by three friends who had come out earlier that year that i didn't know my own Queerness because i used a word they didn't like and they didn't know the history of. i don't think anything will match the feeling of being silenced that crushed my lungs as they kept talking over me, all sure that they had the identity that would fit, like i was a puzzle missing a piece. i don't think i can explain how betrayed i felt by people who were supposed to be my community, why this isn't an overreaction when slurs have hurt less.

there's a special kind of hurt for when people you thought you could open up to treat you like a child.

Queer fits. i love Queer. changing the language around Queerness won't change that, because Queer was there for me when all three of those friends weren't.

intention doesn't matter nearly as much as action, and i think those teens who stripped my identity because Queer didn't fit into their progressive lexicon will always hurt more than my father who jokingly called me a dyke and a l.u.g., but took me to a pride parade the very next month.

#queer #lgbtq #queer as in fuck you #ramble

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thedreadvampy · 3 years

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um. please do not mistake this as me saying kids shouldn't be at Pride I love that queer kids are able to join Pride I love that the kids of queer parents and the kid siblings of queer siblings and the kids coming with their parents'siblings and friends I think that the fact that Pride is a welcoming space for kids is a really really valuable thing both for queer kids understanding that they don't need to be ashamed and for potentially straight kids with queer loved ones understanding that they don't need to shame.

however.

I have seen a lot in the dreaded kink discourse of 'when I was a kid under 10 at Pride...' or 'what if a kid under 10 is at Pride...' and my first rather uncharitable thought is

I want kids to feel safe at Pride but realistically if you're a child under 10 at Pride the chances are you have at least some people in your family or close community who actively support you exploring queerness, right? like this isn't true for teenagers at all but it's true for younger kids in the main, just because. like. most kids aren't able to get themselves to big events solo. some are. when I was 10 I got the bus to a couple of things I just decided was Where I Needed To Be. but the vast majority of under-10s at Pride are there with an adult or at least with adult permission.

and if, when you're 7 or 8, you have an adult with the desire and capacity to bring you to Pride, whether they're an LGBTQ adult or a straight ally trying to reach you good lessons or to honour your own developing gayness or transness, you probably have at least one adult in your life who's actively trying to model that queerness is good and not shameful or dangerous.

that doesn't make everything ok. there may be many more adults in your life who are openly homophobic or transphobic. and liberal straight ally parents who in theory Love The Gays can be pretty shitty with an Actual Queer Child. but somebody is thinking about you and trying to make sure you develop a healthy, positive relationship to LGBTQ identity.

a lot of people don't have that. and tbh being brutal like. if a 8 year old doesn't go to Pride until they're 15 or 20 or ever but they have somebody in their life who is actively spotting for them and trying to support them in LGBTQ pride, they're probably less in need of Pride than an adult whose only interaction with their own sexuality has been wrapped up in shame and pain because their family and caregivers haven't wanted them to think it's ok.

like this is just. my gut response. I'm glad that 10 year olds can come to Pride and that I don't now live in a country where that's generally treated as Illegally Corrupting The Youth but most people. don't have adults in their life in a position to take them to Pride who are taking an active conscious interest in them felling positively about queerness. a lot of people's families are apathetic and a lot are actively bigoted and in both cases that's a really lonely and self-shaming place to be and Pride as a demonstration is meant to combat those exact feelings of alienation and loneliness and shame. and I just don't think the kids who get taken to Pride by loving adults are the people who most need what Pride offers.

#sorry it's another Pride discourse one and this one feels mildly spicy?

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bionicdragonguardian1 · 4 years

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Ranma 2/4

Yup... I’m doing it... yes this how I plan, shut up

Part One: Chapters 1-12

Genderfluid Ranma Saotome

Bisexual Akane Tendo

BAMF!Akane if it kills me

More modern America take on LGBTQIA+ themes

Bisexual Ryoga Hibiki

Fuck the Kunos

Full Series AU because I am a fool who doesn’t know restraint

Magic Rules are a thing

I am actually going to keep a consistent timeline if it kills me

I have a PLAN

Very Minor changes to the actual plot cuz economics

Bad Parenting is addressed

Harassment is Addressed

I will make them acknowledge Physics/Medical because I’m an asshole

Pulling from both the Anime and the Manga

Still working through the Manga as I plot

Friendly reminder that Genma is crap

Friendly reminder that Nodoka is crazy

Poor Mousse

Soun Tendo TRIES really hard but grief fucking sucks

Nabiki is morally grey

Toxic Shampoo

Kasumi gets Character Development or so help me

polyship cuz surprises

I promise I do love this anime

I’m just stunned that so many people didn’t get a lot of character development

Actual fucking ENDING

I do actually hate Shampoo tho

I watch dubs

Ranma slowly starts using they/them pronouns vs switching

Ranma wears a bra, fuck you

Yes I’m using 2020 LGBT stuff BUT I will keep the tech as close to the 90s as I can (tho fair warning I was BORN in the 90s)

Toxic Masculinity addressed (yes I mean Ranma’s)

Ranma is awkward as hell

bc that’s what happens when you isolate a child, Genma!

Also, they spent closer to 1-2 months in China bc of how many things happen while they’re there

Homophobic/Transphobic Language

Ranma uses Ranko WAY more often cuz it makes sense

Tatewaki is actually not as stupid as he is in canon, but he’s worse

Kodachi… on the other hand... IS stupid

Canon Heights are used (hence the “actual magic” tag, it’s how Kuno explains it and is still wrong)

Ranma is a shitty liar, and trusts his friends (kinda)

I’ve never like Shampoo, I don't hide that

While reading the manga I’ve realized how often Ranma wears a hat in the early chapters

I love it

Laws Exist

Rule Enforcement

Adults aren’t useless

Demiromantic Ranma

Ace/Demisexual Ranma (I haven’t decided yet)

Demiromantic Akane

Pansexual Ryoga

YES Akane is Bisexual AND Demiromantic. It’s a thing!

Genma is a sonnova bitch and piece o shit

Diasuke x Hiroshi

Sayuri x Yuka

Polyamory discussions

Hiroshi x Yuka

Protective Ranma

Protective Akane

Protective Ryoga

Tendos adopt Ryoga bc they care

Cologne sucks, I didn’t realize that was justified until now

Minor Anime over Manga Arc Choices

People aren’t oblivious those around Ranma a lot pick up on the transformation thing (eventually)

Ryoga’s crush on Akane turns into something normal, I may be ~Aro but even I know that’s bad

The “Akane Can’t Cook” Joke was funny once or twice; NOT the whole series Akane learns to cook

WAY fucking sooner than she did in the Anime

Look, I get the stereotype but it’s NOT funny!

Manga Chapt6Pt3 cover gave me too many ideas for what I want to do to Ryoga & IDK how I feel (Tiny pigtailed girl Ryoga is just too cute that I want to drop him the niángnìquán)

I will use Wiki-Mandarin-Spellings for Jusenkyo Springs cuz I don’t understand a lick of Chinese

Certain Arcs will be skipped entirely because I HATED THEM (any time they showed up)!

YEET Tea Ceremony Arc(s), mainly cuz an outsider I didn’t get it like I’m sure I was supposed to

If I could just kill Happosai I would, but I can’t

Expect him to be VERY dead/gone post-Canon

Fair warning tho cuz I hate him more than I hate Shampoo or Cologne

Shampoo still sucks

I wish the scene w Hiro/Dai was in the Anime cuz it’s hilarious

Ranma’s hat is back! I love it!

Is… is Ranma ADHD or is that me projecting again?

God, these two are hopeless dorks

Was someone going to TELL me that Ranma’s classmates figured out the transformation BEFORE the Romeo thing or was I just supposed to sit there stunned when it happened?!?

Goddammit, I hate Romeo and Julliet

I don’t mean the ep, I mean the play/movie/etc cuz my school years have done it 1.6 million times that I just can’t stand it anymore

Gosunkugi… wtf is wrong with you?

STILL hate this play

I’m American, ok

this has been shoved down my throat since I was 8 so It never occured to me that Ranma not knowing Romeo & Julliet at all wouldn’t be weird

Ranma learns his lines (kinda)

Kuno is 600% the reason they go off script

...And Gosunkugi being creepy af

TBH where they go off script (like Akane’s sleep scene) I’ll probs redo purely cuz I know this play

Still hate this play

Lol, tape ain’t a thing, that’s hilarious

Ranma kissing Kuno, yes

Akane kissing Ranma, NO

It’s called FAKING it

You either get over it or learn to fake it

Is it wrong that it’s tempting to get rid of P-chan in chapt8?

Don’t answer that… I know it is

Akane you need to learn to trust Ranma

Like seriously… that’s the 1 thing that drove me batty

100% going for the Anime version of the Japanese Speong of Drowned Man cuz it’s funnier

(I’m still tempted to change Ryoga)

Since the Cookie thing came before any comment about Akane’s cooking (Anime) I just figured Ranma was like me and can’t eat a ton of processed sugar (yes, make you that sick) so... HEADCANON!!

But Ranma’s still awkward af talking about it

Yup, subbing out Sasuke for Gosunkugi

Ranma not realizing his dad was committing crimes NEEDS to be handled better

I see angst potential

Ukyo is def still cis-fem, that point at least works

Ukyo’s dad is NOT in the clear here

Friendly reminder that Genma TOLD Mr. Kuonji that Ranma had a fiancée

Jealous Ranma’s fun

Ranma… just cuz you’ve 6.5k fiancé doesn’t mean everyone does

I’m just saying, Ryoga only falls for Ranma

Is Ranma wearing a binder while cursed bad? I honestly don’t know…

Poor Ranma, I’d DIE!

Obvs changing the rules of the pill from “first person of the opp sex”

I’m thinking “first person you’d be attracted to” cuz it’s nice and inclusive and won’t make someone fall for someone they wouldn’t normally

I’m just tryin’ to avoid some gayboy from fallin’ for a girl or some straight girl fallin’ for a girl

I mean Ranma’s still gonna Insta Cologne

Rule gets stricter the longer the pill lasts

also incest needs to be excluded

Look, I am NOT condoning Mousse’s obsession

but Shampoo still sucks

Is me making Tsubasa mtf bad?

Someone tell me cuz I’m not sure

I think I accidentally made Ukyo transphobic… oops

Redemption? Hopefully, idk yet

Do you realize how much anti LGBT shit I have to work through?!?

Tsubasa’s issue is 600% that she’s a lesbian so Ranma being a guy (even sometimes) weirds her out which for the record is FINE since they haven’t been dating at all & Ranma didn’t tell her!

The ½ white ½ brown dog IS actually Ryoga’s?!?

I didn’t know I needed this!

Also she’s staying!

Is Sasuke an Anime character?!?! Idk how I feel about this…

Ranma is a little shit & I love it

My idea may’ve been wrong (and Ranma!) but I love the idea had that I’m tempted do it anyway

Alright, Ranma is def going too far… even I can admit that

I’m quite sad this arc wasn’t animated

I don’t know which one I want! Kuno sick vs sneezing cat?

I can’t pick!

They’re both perfect!

Yup, Shampoo is evil

Akane… tone down the weapons kay?

#ranma 1/2 #ranma saotome #ranma #ranma ½ #akane tendo #ryoga hibiki #fanfiction writing #fic plots #shampoo #mousse #cologne #can i kill Happosai?!?#PLEASE #kasumi tendo #nabiki tendo #soun tendo #genma saotome #nodoka saotome

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brooklyntobattlefield · 4 years

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u know how racist taylor swift is right lol

I do know which is why 13 hrs ago I reblogged a whole post abt her racism. she was the only musical artist I listened to until I was 14 bc my parents aren't musical ppl so she has more nostalgia for me than just abt anything. I don't care for her very much and I haven't bought anything from her in years.

i also just wanna ask u.....u could follow me when I post a lot of mcu and spn both of which are really racist and mysogynistic. the mcu gets money from the military bc it's basically propoganda. harry potter and jkr are widely known to be homophobia, transphobic, racist, and xenophobic. Chris Evans has said some p sexist and homophobic stuff and was also in a movoe that glorified the IDF. Sebastian Stan has also said a lot of gross things and isn't known for being an icon of p.c. Sm:itsv was a great movie! and it made poor choices with how it designed peni Parker. pjo is still one of my fav book series and there are a myriad of ways in which Rick rioridian fucked up in those books(poor rep all around tbh). trc is not the pinnacle of writing it's fans pretend it is (anti feminist MAIN characters, poor lgbt rep, anti asian racism, xenophobia). POTC (one of my fav. movie series) is a colonial wet dream w Depp in a main role, all the "historical" film I love and rb about (Emma, Little women, etc) are Very White and often make the female actresses do 21st-century-hygine while pretending to be historically accurate. the boys is "edgy" and has a lot of gross dialogue and it also falls into the racist steryotype/caricatur of a mute asian assassin. atla is fetishising asian (esp Tibetan) culture and portrays characters w darker skin to be more evil and also gives a lot of it's characters blue eyes which is :/ bc most asian or indigenous ppl don't have blue eyes. tons of actors and directors who I like(or I like their work) support things I think are bad(woody Allen, Peta, Scientology, dieting schticks, trump, anti-corona, Polanski,etcetc)

like I'm not trying to minimize what Taylor's done or attack you or whatever. you can dislike Taylor swift, you can be annoyed that I'm reblogging her, you can unfollow/block me idgaf.

I'm not trying to make this into a "don't u dare attack Taylor she is a precious bean/omg women should support women not drag them down" thing bc she should be criticized but I do find it very funny that after having this blog for years and posting a lot of ~problematic stuff and also being pretty anti-tony (my anti tony tag is embarrassingly large & I made it too the anti-tony stark blocklist 😘✌️) that after posting, like a dozen??? gifs of her I've gotten 2 asks abt her. like yeah she has done a lot of things I take issue with, yes her album is hypocritical, yes I think she can and should do better, yes I can do all of that and still enjoy her new album bc literally every single thing in this whole godforsaken planet has smth problematic abt it.

anyways go call ur reps abt an issue u care abt

#long post

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the-real-nekoma-kenma · 4 years

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If you want to know a bunch of BS about me, here it is

NOTE: YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ ALL OF THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO

Just looked up Solangelo for the first time on youtube in a while and I'm so glad I did I just got rushed back with a bunch of memories and I'm sooooo happy about it

Tbh, I'm pretty sure that discovering and being such a hardcore shipper of it was the thing that made me question my sexuality for the first time and since then I've gone through various things and finally settled with pansexual. Even though Fierrochase was the first gay ship that I shipped, Solangelo was the one that spoke the most with me for some reason and I think that the reason why was because of the fact that I feel like I can relate to Nico so much on a personal level internally, but my actual personality is so much like Wills that the fact that the combination of the two described me as a person, it actually made me feel more comfortable with myself than I had felt in a long time.

I know that both the Magnus Chase and PJO series have also helped a friend of mine question their (they're nonbinary she/they) sexuality and gender identity a lot and honestly it kind of made me question my gender as well.

Most of you reading this will also know that I am a GINORMOUS mcr fan and even my account name is named after them. After I found out that Gerard Way was actually he/they nonbinary, and said friend recently came out to me as well, I’ve been doing the most questioning about my gender identity here the past few weeks than I ever have. I feel like gender-fluid would be the best thing for me but at the same time, I'm not sure at all because I know that I'm fine being a female, but something in me is saying that being a male would be so much more fun and considering the fact that I have closer male friends than I do female friends is another thing to consider because most girls are all about the drama and makeup and dating scene but I've never been heavily into that at all and I'm much more comfortable talking about things like rock bands or art; even sports some times than I have ever felt talking about the school drama.

However, even considering all of this, I feel like being fluid would just be me posing and that I'm just a masculine girl or something but that doesn't change the fact that there will be times where my brain will glitch out and say “hey, you're a dude” and then ill realize that I have boobs and all of the parts down there that makes me a girl but then I get mildly irritated by that fact. I still think that dudes have it easier and they have more freedom and honestly, I think that all I want is that freedom to be able to walk around shirtless or to be able to listen to Heavy Metal without being told that it’s a male genre and that I'm only doing it to look cool.

Side note, I've even considered getting my hair cut like Andy Biersack/Black’s hair is but keeping the red just because I think that it would look fucking awesome but again, I’m a girl and i cat have that hair cut with the sides shaved because it's not feminine enough. Well sorry Sharen but having long hair is a hassle and takes to long to flat iron and brush so please leave.

For those of you that might don’t already know how my parents are about things, ill update you. My dad and stepmom are homophobic transphobic Christian people. I accidentally came out as pan to them. They proceeded to tell me that bi and pan people don't exist and that they are just “confused queers” that haven't picked a gender yet. They said that ace and aro people just don’t have developed hormones yet and that they just need to find “the one” and then their sex drive or whatever will kick in. They said that trans or nb people were just crazy people who don’t like stereotypes and are doing whatever just to spite god and gave me the whole “god built you perfectly” talk. (Every time I dye my hair, they say the same thing to me about that too)

Having been originally raised on these horrible LGBT hating ideals, it was fucking WILD whenever I read the Percy Jackson and the Magnus Chase books that started talking about being gay and trans which blew my gay eye open and cleared that religious fog from my eyes. Around that time I entered middle school and found out that hey, I know some people who are messing with their sexualities. My close friends are even pan or bi! I started getting reeaally defensive over the gay community and barely tolerated any type of hate towards them but I never questioned my own sexuality.

Then the summer between eighth grade and freshman year happened and I realized that I had a crush on my best friend Brittany (not the nb one).

I was distraught because I had always thought of myself as a perfect little straight girl with strong opinions on topics. I got to highschool and saw that you could look down every hallway in that building and see at least one gay couple or a trans person (My highschool is fucking awesome so suck it) and I felt so much more comfortable with myself.

In case anyone is wondering what made my decision that I was pan instead of bi final, it was the fact that if Alex Fierro was a real person, I would totally date her/him without any hesitation what so ever because she/he is r a d.

Mcr happened, I got genderally confused, and here I am debating on whether I'm gender fluid or not.

So yeah, that’s what’s going on right now. Idk why I felt the need to type all of this out and post it on this hellsite but I feel like I would be a bit more excepted here.

Also, don't be surprised if here soon I end up changing my gender thingy on my bio. It might happen, it might not, idk.

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jinniesmeow · 5 years

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good evening. this is a very long rant. if you’ve been tagged in this, it means I have a message for you :’) it’s at the bottom of the post, and that’s the most important part, so dear mutuals, feel free to just go read that part and don’t feel forced to read all that bullcrap I've written. thank you if you do, thank you if you don’t.

if we’re not mutuals and you’re reading this, well I guess thank you because this is hella long and cliché af. I'm sorry to everyone for this. though it kinda has nothing to do with what I'm saying, I was feeling particularly gay tonight and I'm in my feelings right now so yeah. if you’re willing to read, just click, you know how that works.

first of all, hello. thank you if you’re reading this, whether we’re mutuals or not, this isn’t a private post so if you’re reading this, hello to you, I hope you’re having a wonderful night or day and I guess sorry for what you’re about to read if it’s considered TMI. I don’t know everyone on here so I'll start with the basics. I’m zia, aka users jinniesmeow, yunholy, hwangitzy and very recently yuzukhei. I'm (almost) 19, and in case you didn’t know, I'm French. and Italian, fortunately or not, idk. 100% European and white anyway, and my ancestors were all 100% racist and homophobic (I mean Poland and Italy? come on.). My sister, who’s turning 23 this year (she’s not on Tumblr), and myself are the first generation in my family to be queer on whichever side of it it is you’re looking at.

Indeed, (if you didn’t know somehow, now you do) both her and I are pansexual. thankfully, our mom is far from being homophobic and racist and she’s a very open minded person, like really. neither of us have ever had a coming out, and none of us plan on doing it. I totally understand the necessity for some people to come out to their relatives and all that, but here’s why I personally refuse to do it: I don’t get why I have to tell people I'm not straight. I think it only fuels the fact that being straight is seen as the norm, because do straight people ever announce they are straight? exactly. being queer (gay, lesbian, pan, ace, whatever) is not abnormal, it’s not unnatural, so I refuse to have to scream it to everyone, and I don’t mean by that that I'm trying to hide my queerness, because I'm very open and honest about it, and I always have been. I hope one day, we won’t need to come out anymore and that people will stop assuming our sexuality. until then, I'll let people get flustered whenever I imply that I'm not straight without having ever stated it clearly before because fuck that shit.

anygays. so, like I said, I've always been very open and honest about my romantic and sexual orientation. I know lots of bi/pan people “realise” they are queer when they’re a bit older, during their teenage years or early adulthood, but (un)fortunately I am not one of those. I have literally always known I liked girls too (in the first place, I mean). actually, I’ve always thought attraction and romance were about the person, like, I mean it was an evidence to me ever since I was a child, and how can I explain that I got slapped in the face when I discovered that it was not a universal thing, that it was not “the truth”. so there I was, in the middle of elementary school, openly saying I liked girls in front of everyone because I thought it was normal. I mean, it is, but you get what I mean.

on top of that, the term “pansexual” has been occulted and invalidated for years, and most people didn’t even know of it until like maybe 3 years ago. remember, I'm 19, and there I was in middle school at 13 years old telling people I was pansexual when they’d barely even heard of bisexuality (while everyone else was like ‘I'm straight!! ew the gays’ btw). honestly, I cannot count how many times I've been called a pedophile, a necrophile and zoophile. by my very own friends, yes.

same with high school, but I'm not going to repeat myself. just for the precision: no, I have never been physically or mentally bullied for that, however, I was mocked a lot because of how tall I am (I was 1m73/5′7 at 14) and because I can be quite androgynous since I don’t have big boobs. I have large hips though, so those fucking males didn’t miss the chance to pick on me for that too. obviously though if I've never been full on bullied it’s because: 1. I've always had friends and I've never been a ‘loner nerd’, 2. I was tall and intimidating, 3. I was respected for my intelligence and grades and wasn’t being full of myself about being a top student, and 4. because I was neither fat nor a person of colour, obviously, and those are privileges I'm very aware of. I have still been called a ‘woman with a dick’ and other transphobic shit and was often treated as if I were a boy, though.

I still identify as a girl. I have been so, so complexed about so many things about my physical appearance for so long, I can’t count how many hours I have spent looking at my naked reflection in the mirror, feeling disgusted, wishing I had bigger boobs and that I would “look more like a girl” and so on. how much I have hated my body is something I can’t even measure. as of today, I've realised there is no such thing as “looking like a girl” and I've made a lot of progress on liking my overall appearance and accepting my body, sometimes I even think I'm hot™ and definitely think men don’t deserve me but for some fucking reason I can’t choose my sexuality (crazy right) and I still am attracted both romantically and sexually to them :/

anyways. now you know how long I've known that I'm a pansexual and throughout all these years, every time someone talked about the community or when pride came, no one mentioned us pansexuals, and I've seen us being invalidated so many times I really started doubting myself. I was like, “it’s like being bisexual, I'm just being butthurt and pushing it too far” but at the same time I never stopped calling myself pansexual. to some people, it’s just a preference in the choice of words to say you’re bi or pan, but to me there is a difference, even if it’s the smallest ever, and yes. being bi and being pan are “basically the same thing” and both orientations are very close but that very difference means everything to me. I am attracted to people, romantically and sexually, regardless of their gender. that is exactly it. and it’s very important to me.

I'm sorry if this is a mess, it’s hard to say things in the right order when I have so much to say, but I'm going to go back to what I was saying in the beginning about my family. I talked about my mom. my parents have been separated since I was 6 and haven’t spoken to each other in like 12 years btw. so, as for my dad, I know he wouldn’t care. he’s not homophobic, not racist. he does say homophobic and racist things sometimes, without realising it, like a lot of people do, and that doesn’t make him a homophobe. I know he doesn’t care if I'm gay, and I feel good just knowing that. however, remember, my family is italian. everyone around us is 100% straight (except for my cousins, I'm pretty sure one of them is bi-curious and the other is ace, but they aren’t open about this at all and have probably never questioned their sexuality lmao) and then there are my sister and I in the middle of it, and we’re like “yup, we’re the gay cousins”. the italian side of my family is huge. like really, my father has a total of 24 cousins (and I don’t mean the little ones and all that, I mean first degree cousins), so imagine how many of us there are in total when you’re counting everyone’s kids, spouses, grandkids and great-grandkids (you read that well, some of his cousins are old, some are even deceased). and they’re italian. and 100% into their religious set of mind that has them believe their god forbids being gay and that we’ll burn in hell. whatever, would’ve been going there anyway, gay or not so it’s not like I care, all the more reasons to be a fag.

and yes I have proof they are racist and homophobic, I've heard the things they’ve said. so, I, whomst has had depression for basically all her life and also has every existing form of anxiety there is, don’t exactly feel comfortable around these people. and on top of being gay, I listen to “Ching Chong music”!!! how do I have to put into words that I know exactly what they think of me? I even have blue hair now so like, blending in even less than before. so yeah.

to add on to that feeling of worthlessness, when I entered high school, I was still a top student without doing any type of work whatsoever, but then depression got the best of me (like for real this time how am I even still alive tbh) and I fell so hard I could barely stand going to school anymore. my last two years of high school (it lasts 3 years in France) have been disastrous. I barely attended and could barely manage keeping my grades above average, because I had zeros on 99% of my homework since I never did it. still had good enough grades on tests though, and it saved my ass.

honestly, I don’t even want to talk about these years and how I was feeling, because it’s still too fresh for me and I'm stil trying (yes, trying) to heal from it. I can say without a doubt that they were some of the worst years of my life though. however final exams came and my ass managed to get a really good grade without revising anything, this way I could send a big, huge, fuck off to my teachers who had been shitting in my face for years and making me feel like the hugest shit on earth. I hope they choke on their jealousy. then I went to uni for about three months, where I majored in English, but eventually decided to stop because I couldn’t go a day without having a panic attack on the train, because I still couldn’t get my ass to do any work, because I was bored out of my mind and just when I had started feeling better after leaving high school I was sinking further down. I spent months staying home without seeing anyone but my mom and doing nothing but watching Netflix (the French catalogue isn’t as interesting as the American one btw). then, I finally found the guts to go see a therapist. not gonna say it was a mistake, but I'm glad I stopped because this bitch was just here to take my money. I took antidepressants for a few months, and I have stopped really recently, actually. in all honesty, I have gotten much better, thanks to my own doing, I've worked so hard on getting better and I'm proud of how far I've come.

today, I can finally say for the first time ever in my life that I am proud of who I am.

the whole point of saying all of this shit you have (maybe) read is not because I want people to give attention to me or anything like, I don’t want pity or anything and truly don’t think there are any reasons for people to feel any pity towards me. I'm saying this because I want to thank the people around me for just existing, for supporting me, for making me feel validated. because you might not realise it, but (a lot of) you are often talking about your problems, and it makes me realise that I'm not the only one feeling this kind of way. it makes me realise there are people who might understand me, even just a little. and when I see you talking about your sexual/romantic orientation (or lack of so) it also makes me feel accepted. I see you guys reblog such validating things, and then some of you even have pride flags in your layouts, and you have no idea how my heart feels about it. if you weren’t aware, I'm a twitter person. I've spent so much time on there, I have met lots of people, lots of which are part of the community and openly supporting it, and yet I have never felt more validated than since I've been on here.

I've also met the people I consider “the most” as my internet best friends on here, like my best best internet friends, if that makes sense lmao, and not actually on twitter (although I might be pushing it because I have actually gone from IVL to IRL with most of them so like... whatever.) point is: I have met amazing friends I'm so thankful for on here. and all the people I see in my dash, to all of you, thanks for everything too even if we don’t really talk and if we haven’t had actual discussions before. now if you want to, you can always come to me to talk about whatever the fuck you want.

so, here, I want to thank all of you, because today I'm finally starting to think maybe, just maybe, that I want to keep on living and that good things might happen to me. I have no plans for the future, since I never imagined myself getting this far in life, but I'm still willing to give it a try.

please, if after you’re reading this, you’re thinking about telling me cliché things about staying strong and all that, I'm going to ask you not to do it. it just feels like pity to me. or choose your words wisely, I'm begging you, because I can’t stand thinking anyone would pity me. please don’t feel like that, that’s not the point of this.

I'm doing this as a thank you, and as a message to everyone out there who’s read this. I hope my words mean something to you. maybe help you? it’s ok to be confused about who you are. it’s ok not to like yourself, it takes so much work to get better and all that, but just know that you can do it, it is possible to do it. it takes time, it will hurt, but it’s an option. it’s not impossible.

now. I have some people I want to send a quick message to. I guess some of you will be surprised, but just read what I have to say please, and know that from the bottom of my heart, I mean it.

@hwangwhatjin Emily. I don’t even know where to start, and soon I won’t even be able to see what I'm typing anymore because the tears I've been fighting while writing all this crap have started flowing all of a sudden the second I typed your name. you’re the first friend I made on here. we started off nothing, and I was a no one, and yet you still talked to me and all that. you’re honestly one of the most tolerant and kind people I have ever met in my life. you’re the exact opposite of prejudiced, you’re so open minded, so not giving a shit about other people’s quirks (I mean it in the right way) that don’t concern you directly, like people are who they are and you don’t give a damn about it, it’s amazing. I know this doesn’t sound like a compliment, but I can’t find the right way to put this. you’ve also always been there to listen to me whenever I wanted you to, and you have never judged me once. you have no idea how thankful I am for having you in my life. I wouldn’t want to have anyone else hold the title of bro. I love you so, so much, and I'm sorry we haven’t been talking lately. I hope I can help you just like you’ve helped me and support you as much as you need me to in the future, and I want you to know I'll always be there for you, I'll never let you down. you have no idea how much I can’t wait to meet you so I can wrap you in a blanket and give you hot chocolate while I light up a gingerbread scented candle (yes, I remember) and put on some blink-182 and stroke your hair because it’s what you deserve. you’re one of my best friends, like ever, and it’s such a pain we’re so far from each other, fuck this damn channel. one day I'll just swim to you to hear your wonderful accent you say you hate so much. anything to see you. I'm sorry I'm so old, I wish it were less of a problem, but as you grow up this gap will be less and less of an obstacle, so let’s just be patient, yeah? I love you, bro. roach bros to the end of the line.

@pikachulein Laura. ok. where do I start and how do I stop my eyes from sweating so much. you know, I'm just gonna say it. in my opinion, soulmates aren’t the people we’re especially meant to be with in a romantic way, and we might even have several of them. I just think they’re people who just bring you so much, and people who are like another version of you, but different. kind of like I described in my Felix au, actually. when I call you my soulmate, I really mean it, because I'd never thought I'd meet someone who understands me so well because they relate so much, someone who basically shares the same mind because hell, when have we ever had different thoughts on something like... it will never cease to amaze me. it’s only been a few months since we’ve known each other, but I actually think you’re one of my closest friends. hell, on the day we meet, because I'm not taking no for an answer, I don’t even know how I'll be holding up like, I won’t know how to act. so in advance, I'm sorry if I'm so weird at first. you’ve listened to the story of my whole life and you’ve shared your experience back, and you have no idea how thankful I am for that. maybe you haven’t realised, but you’ve been of a huge help to me. thank you for being so understanding, for not judging me, for being so open about everything with me, thank god I have someone with whom I can talk about literally any subject without it feeling uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. I have so many things to say I can’t even find the words, honestly. I’m just so thankful that you exist and that I have you in my life, and that you actually like me as a person too. thanks so much. you’re my best bitch, together we’re the baddest bitches of the pan squad and I can’t wait to travel across Europe with you for real. the world ain’t ready for us.

@hanniesunshine Isabel. you’re just the biggest ray of sunshine ever. everything about you is so pure I'm even scared to be one of the people you talk to because I feel like you don’t deserve to talk to me (I mean like you deserve much better than me) and that I'm way too filthy for you. you’re always so good and kind to me, so, so supportive, and I can’t even thank you enough for that. honestly, every time I see you somewhere, kakaotalk, WhatsApp, Tumblr, I just can’t help but smile because you’re the purest and brightest being the earth has ever seen and I can’t believe you would actually want to talk to someone like me. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry for being such a cold bitch (and for using this word) sometimes, and for almost never finding the right words. thanks for always being so eager about reading my content. I'll keep supporting you, and I'll do better in everything!! I love you, so, so much. I'll always be there for you if you need me or want me.

@sleepyracha Marie. I'm so, so sorry I'm so inconsistent and that I don’t talk to you as much as I used to, I hope we’re still okay. I just want to thank you for being the open minded person you’ve shown me you are and for supporting me all the time, and for very interesting conversations about literally anything. I promise I'm learning Spanish and that soon we’ll be able to talk together in another language than English. I hope you’re doing well and that you know I'm always there for you, and if Tumblr isn’t the best place for you, tell me where you want me to be for you. congrats on passing this year, you’re someone amazing and you’re so chill, it feels so good to see someone like that. thank you for even talking to me in the first place, thank you so much and I love you.

@lesbianbias Nina. you’re such a soft and pure person, I'm so glad you were my skz anon and that I got to meet a wonderful person like you. you’re always showering me with love, and I always feel like I don’t deserve it. thanks so much for all the support, please, please never change. I love you and you’re amazing. thank you for being so chill as well. I'll make sure I'll return that love to you.

@xiaocity siya. thank you so much for listening to me, you know what I'm referring to. I know you’re one of those who really deeply understands me and I'm thankful we got to talk, even just a bit. I'm always there if you need me, thank you for supporting me and my works, and be more confident in your writing, it’s good!! I think we actually have a lot in common too, so if you ever feel like talking, feel free to drop by in my dms.

@littlefallenrebel Sophie. we haven’t talked that much, but I feel like we should talk more. we have a lot more in common than we think, I'm sure of it. thank you for being you, thank you for the messages you’ve been spreading with your posts and reblogs. you’re an amazing person and I'm happy you’re my mutual because you’re a truly good person.

@visualgiggles sam. thank you for your reblogs, whatever they’re about they never fail to cheer me up, whether they’re about tolerance or just memes, even the latter help me regain faith in humanity. we haven’t talked that much but I would gladly talk some more with you if you ever wanted to. you’re a wonderful person and I'm thankful you’re my mutual.

@dreamypansexual I don’t think we’ve ever talked, I'm not even sure I know your name so I don’t want to say something wrong. but that doesn’t matter, because you’re still one of the people who make me feel the most validated here. hell, you literally have a pan flag as your layout (your user... I mean yeah). your posts are always making me feel so much better because it proves me that there are still such tolerant and open people out there, so thank you.

@cloudyyboii honestly, I think it’s kind of the same as with your friend right above between me and you. it doesn’t matter though, thanks for the validation and the tolerance you’re spreading around. love you.

@jxsng Kylie. I don’t think we’ve ever had a private conversation, but whatever. you’ve shown me lots of supports in every other way and you’re such a sweet and open person, I'm thankful you’re my mutual. I feel small next to people like you because I feel like you hold the whole world in your hands, you’re one of those meant to go places and it shows. I'll always support you too. thank you for everything and I love you.

@ggukksrose shims. you’re definitely one of the people who make me feel validated the most, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I always see you sticking up for others and telling the haters to go fuck off, and you even did that with me. you’re an amazing person, and I admire you for the confidence you’ve managed to achieve and I wish you the best in the future, I hope you’ll only get better and better with your fights and if anyone ever messes with you I'll be throwing hands. just say the word. I love you.

@cypher-yngi Emerson, am I wrong? we’ve never talked though we’ve been mutuals for so long. from what I've seen, we have a lot in common and I'd be more than ok to have even a simple conversation with you, even if you said Orangina was good. you’re also one of those who have helped me feel valid and realise I'm not alone in this world, so if you’re ever feeling alone, and if you want to, let’s be alone together, maybe? gotta love FOB. also, you have amazing music taste. and you're a fellow yoongi stan, and that itself says a lot about the kind of person you are. thanks for existing and I love you.

@wonwonbebe ah... have you ever told me what your name was? I have terrible memory. doesn’t really matter. I love you, I'm so thankful that you were my anon and can’t believe you actually went through all that just to talk to me. you have no idea how thankful I am. you’re a wonderful person, and I'm so, so happy to see that my mutuals are all so amazing and tolerant. thanks for all the positivity.

@psycho-robin-chan robin, right? we’ve talked a bit before. if you read what’s above, you’ll probably find some parts a bit familiar, haha. I actually loved this conversation with you, if that makes sense? it’s always interesting and it feels good to let it out. I also like seeing I'm not alone, and I like to think that when I speak about such things with people I might also be helping them feel better. so thanks, you also make me feel valid with your posts and reblogs, and you’re such a tolerant and open and chill person at such a young age. never change anything! thanks for being here and supporting me.

@mirohell sage! we haven’t been mutuals for long, and I'm not expecting you to read everything I've written, it’s ok if you don’t, really. I just wanted to thank you real quick because you’re already showing me lots of support and I feel like we’ll be getting along well. if you want to read this, I'm sorry for putting so much on your shoulders so quick lmao, you’ll basically be knowing so much about me without having asked for anything. feel free not to read it, I'm repeating myself again but really, the actual important part of this post is this one where I thank you all individually. so thank you!! I'll do my best in supporting you in the future as well, and not only by showing your edits some love haha

@theminho min! we haven’t been mutuals for long either, but thank you for caring about me. thanks for even just following me. thanks for this message you’ve sent, it means a lot really. you don’t have to read all that I've written above either,, don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to thank you personally too for just being here and for the support. feel free to come talk to me whenever you want (if you ever want) and I'll be supporting you always!!

@justlovingkpop my sweetheart, you’re just too cute and so supportive and loving. thank you so, so much for everything and for coming to talk to me!! I'll go reread some of your work soon to because I've missed it. thanks for existing, and know that I'm always there for you. love you lots.

@strawb-milk-tea my babyyyy I'm going to repeat it but thank you and I love you and you’re so cute and you’re NOT a potato ok, you’re so, so pretty like I knew I was gay but phew... I feel valid too when I see you. long live the gays.

@five-pence hey there! it’s been a while. hope you’re doing well. thank you for supporting me, thank you for making me feel valid as well, and I love you very much. I'm here whenever.

@jooheonenthusiast yo. we’ve basically only talked bc of that one post I made, and it’s been enough to show me that you’re an amazing person and a bad bitch. thanks for your support and fuck the homophobes. I love you.

@marriael adellum. you’re a really kind person. you’re so pure. and you make me me feel very much valid, love your profile pics from the last days by the way. thanks for existing and I'm glad you’ve joined us on the network, it’s a pleasure to have someone like you around. hope I'm not too much of a pain in the ass.

@channiiebby gryphon. we’ve never talked privately, but you’re a sweetheart. thanks for being you. you’re valid and you know it, and that makes me feel valid too, so thanks for showing me it’s okay to be who you are. I love you.

that’s it. I'm out of words. I've been at this for like 2 hours now. if I think of anyone else, I'll just reblog and add them. but right now I feel totally empty because of all the emotion hive poured into all this and I need to recharge, so good night and I love you all. thank you for your time and attention.

happy pride month everyone,

your friendly neighbourhood pansexual, zia.

#on this note #good night everyone #I love y'all #rants #personal #<33 #sorry for bothering you all with this

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kittywolves · 5 years

Note

1-200 if you want lmao If not then just your favourites

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one tbh, not romantically anyway

199: I was born in: west virginia, 2000

198: I am really: dumb

197: My cellphone company is: idk man

196: My eye color is: blue w/yellow bursts but they just appear green if you’re not super close

195: My shoe size is: 7+1/2-8

194: My ring size is: 7+1/2-8

193: My height is: 5′5″

192: I am allergic to: sesame :T

191: My 1st car was: N/A

190: My 1st job was: N/A

189: Last book you read: uh, Percy Jackson? i think

188: My bed is: warm, cozy, full of plushies & cat fur

187: My pet: CALCIFER!!!

186: My best friend: uh,, i don’t have one?

185: My favorite shampoo is: idk fruity scents that aren’t watermelon

184: Xbox or ps3: PS3

183: Piggy banks are: cute or terrifying, no in-between

182: In my pockets: my phone

181: On my calendar: birthdays

180: Marriage is: cute

179: Spongebob can: CAN SPONGEBOB FINALLY END PLEASE

178: My mom: can go die

177: The last three songs I bought were? uhh, i haven’t bought any songs,,

176: Last YouTube video watched: DrawingWiffWaffles newest video

175: How many cousins do you have? 1

174: Do you have any siblings? yes, 2 alive 1 dead

173: Are your parents divorced? no,,

172: Are you taller than your mom? around the same height

171: Do you play an instrument? no, but i wish i could play the harp tbh

170: What did you do yesterday? uh, i went shopping with my mother and then watched Futurama

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: ? i dunno anymore

168: Luck: i guess so, yea

167: Fate: yea

166: Yourself: no

165: Aliens: YES

164: Heaven: yea

163: Hell: yea

162: God: ? yea?

161: Horoscopes: not really

160: Soul mates: YESSSSS

159: Ghosts: yep!!

158: Gay Marriage: %100

157: War: no >:(

156: Orbs: what

155: Magic: yep!!

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs pls

153: Drunk or High: never been either, both sound fun

152: Phone or Online: usually use my phone tbh

151: Red heads or Black haired: all are adorable!!

150: Blondes or Brunettes: a d o r a b l e ! !

149: Hot or cold: uhm, comfortable warm,,

148: Summer or winter: SUMMER

147: Autumn or Spring: HALLOWEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

146: Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE

145: Night or Day: NIGHTTIME

144: Oranges or Apples: apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: both are great!! i have slightly wavy hair uwu

142: McDonalds or Burger King: neither >:(

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK PLS

140: Mac or PC: um, idc

139: Flip flops or high heels: F L I P F L O P S

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR PLS GIVE ME A KIND BAB TO LOVE @ UNIVERSE

137: Coke or Pepsi: coke !!

136: Hillary or Obama: obama!!

135: Buried or cremated: cremated so i can’t come back :’)

134: Singing or Dancing: i can’t do either :(

133: Coach or Chanel: ugh, coach ig

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who

131: Small town or Big city: i live in a city, but a town sounds nice tbh

130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: what

128: Manicure or Pedicure: PEDICURE PEDICURE PEDICURE

127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the west, so west

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: MY BIRTHDAY BC I GET TO PICK THE THEME !!!

125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers die and give off the aesthetic but chocolates are delicious so both

124: Disney or Six Flags: i love disneyland it’s just SO EXPENSIVE and six flags is gr8 for the thrills, plus i currently have a pass so

123: Yankees or Red Sox: who? which sport is this[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: blehhhh no

121: George Bush: idk american presidents lmao

120: Gay Marriage: YES YES YES YES YES YES

119: The presidential election: ew

118: Abortion: i’ll allow it lmao, i don’t think it’s great, but ik people will still get it whether it’s legal or not so might as well legalize it. also some cases actually need it so like,, yea!! let it happen!! pro-choice!!

117: MySpace: never used it lmao

116: Reality TV: ew ew ew ew EXCEPT FOR COOKING SHOWS

115: Parents: mine or just in general? bc eh

114: Back stabbers: M U R D E R T H E M 113: Ebay: lmao shipping expenses

112: Facebook: haven’t used it in years, do use messenger tho

111: Work: i like wedding coordinating with my aunt!! that’s about all the work i’ve done, oh and i’ve babysat

110: My Neighbors: don’t know em, they probably think we’re crazy tho, always yelling

109: Gas Prices: too!! high!!

108: Designer Clothes: eh, clothes are clothes, and some clothes are ugly (a lot of times it’s designer clothes blehh)

107: College: i mean i guess

106: Sports: go team! hit the ball! score the points! woo

105: My family: dysfunctional,,

104: The future: nooooooooooooooooooo

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: uhhhhh....

102: Last time you ate: uhm, around 4?? maybe?? it’s 7 now

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uh?? i never see anyone OH i guess on wednesday last week,,

100: Cried in front of someone: ???? idk??? i cry while everyone’s asleep usually

99: Went to a movie theater: last week !! um, thursday?

98: Took a vacation: uhh, february, early march? i went to ohio

97: Swam in a pool: uh, last monday

96: Changed a diaper: um, not this year lmao, maybe last year tho idk

95: Got my nails done: ???? i dunno

94: Went to a wedding: last november?? or wait no,, uhm i dunno sometime recently lmao

93: Broke a bone: never! did drop one in water tho :/

92: Got a piercing: december!

91: Broke the law: ?? i don’t wear seatbelts when i sit in the back seat lmao

90: Texted: around two hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: um,, my friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: MY KITTY BABY

87: The last movie I saw: missing link! the stop motion- i’m a wh*re for animation lmao

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: changing my name, moving out, getting married & having a stable life :’)

85: The thing im not looking forward to: being stuck here forever and eventually kmsing due to stress and depression :’)

84: People call me: Kitty!! Kiki!! (birth name) karebear!!

83: The most difficult thing to do is: exist within the same room as my mother without bursting into tears or storming off

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo! Viriborn for all you homestucks! and dragon in the animal one!

80: The first person i talked to today was: my dad :’) and then i messaged @deanilise even tho she was asleep

79: First time you had a crush: uh, as far back as i can remember i had a “crush” on Daphne Blake :D but i was like a small child and didn’t know what love was so anytime i saw anyone who i thought was cool or pretty or i wanted to befriend i had a supposed “crush” on them :/

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: i try to be pretty open, but sometimes i just wanna close off

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yikes idk

76: Right now I am talking to: like talking to or talking to? for the first, just some group chats for the second, no one

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i wanna be an artist! i would love to be a youtube artist, but i fear i’m not creative enough for such things.. i would also like to be able to tell my stories!

74: I have/will get a job: i dunno,,

73: Tomorrow: church

72: Today: overslept, did some chores, been online

71: Next Summer: hopefully i can go back to colorado to visit my brother !

70: Next Weekend: ugh, church activities & then actual church, as well as other easter festivities

69: I have these pets: baby kitty, and some dogs....

68: The worst sound in the world: FORK SCRAPING ON BOWL, ERASER SCRAPING ON PAPER, DOG’S SNORING, MY MOTHER’S VOICE WHEN I’M HAVING SENSORY OVERLOAD

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother, she’s like the only person that makes me cry unless someone says they’re attempting and i can’t get through to them

66: People that make you happy: @onedirtysock @aliaitee @deku-is-tired @deanilise @awkward-scarfy-boi @fourth-best-jeanist @bnhaworld @bnhya @helloiliketits @trashyfxndoms

65: Last time I cried: last night oops

64: My friends are: (see 66) they’re all very nice & supportive which is amazing & i love them all dearly

63: My computer is: a MacBook air with a galaxy cover

62: My School: not in one but the one i’m gonna go to in the fall is just a community college

61: My Car: N/A

60: I lose all respect for people who: hate on anyone, racists, homophobes, transphobes, pedos, terfs, ableists, etc

59: The movie I cried at was: uh, i dunno, but i was crying abt futurama the other night

58: Your hair color is: orange-y with dark brown roots, supposed to be dyeing it soon :)

57: TV shows you watch: BNHA, HIMYM, Bob’s Burgers, TUA w/ @deanilise Futurama, The Simpsons, Fairytail, Runaway’s, Adventure Time, SVTFOE, etc

56: Favorite web site: Tumblr!

55: Your dream vacation: Ireland,, ofc i always dreamed of going to paris when i was younger, and Britain sounds cool too, & i’ve heard belgium is pretty && japan sounds fun && new york city sounds super cool as well so idk any of those places ig

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: uh, probably when i broke my arm, although i can’t remember it, i did used to get growing pains in my legs when i was younger & could hardly sleep so there’s that option as well

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium-well

52: My room is: messy, but it’s home & also warm

51: My favorite celebrity is: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dunno

50: Where would you like to be: idk, in my bed ig

49: Do you want children: yea! i wanna adopt!

48: Ever been in love: uh, i thought i was, but it was just an intense crush on this girl lmao

47: Who’s your best friend: already answered this lmao

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls,,

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: laughing, music, & seeing my friends

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: any of y’all would be great tbh

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: survive

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: lmao no,

41: Have you pre-named your children: uh, i have names picked out that i like, but idk depends how young my kid is when i adopt them, and even then idk if i could bring myself to change their name uwu

40: Last person I got mad at: my mother,,

39: I would like to move to: IRELAND OR SOMETHING I DUNNO I WANT OUT OF THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY

38: I wish I was a professional: artist!! youtube maybe!![ My Favorites ]37: Candy: hmm, i like smarties, m&ms, gummy bears, & sweetarts

36: Vehicle: uhh, vw beetles? WAIT NO JEEP WRANGLERS I THINK

35: President: uh idk

34: State visited: the one i live in lmao, California :)

33: Cellphone provider: idk a lot about them

32: Athlete: N/A

31: Actor: eeeeeeee

30: Actress: eeeeeeee

29: Singer: Case! Patrick Stump!

28: Band: FALL OUT BOYYYYYYYYYYY

27: Clothing store: Hottopic

26: Grocery store: N/A

25: TV show: Arrow! Adventure Time! (ripip) i haven’t seen Arrow in a long time tho so idk if it’s still any good...

24: Movie: Heathers!!

23: Website: Tumblr,,

22: Animal: CATS

21: Theme park: DisneyLand! it’s just sooooooooo expensive ;-;

20: Holiday: HALLOWEEN

19: Sport to watch: Soccer!!

18: Sport to play: none

17: Magazine: i don’t read them

16: Book: The Hunger Games

15: Day of the week: probably friday or saturday

14: Beach: uh, maybe seal? or hermosa?

13: Concert attended: i’ve been to exactly one (1) and i didn’t enjoy it bc it was for Ariana Grande

12: Thing to cook: well you don’t cook them but, COOKIES!!

11: Food: Ice Cream!! Burgers!! Mashed Potatoes !!

10: Restaurant: In-N-Out probably

9: Radio station: 98.7 alt radio

8: Yankee candle scent: uh i dunno

7: Perfume: Vanilla Bean Noelle from bbw

6: Flower: daffodils

5: Color: pink! purple! green!

4: Talk show host: no

3: Comedian: Bo Burnham or John Mulaney

2: Dog breed: Retrievers !

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yes!

here’s my baby for reference & for putting up with all that

#kitty answers #200 asks #deku-is-tired #calcifer

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team-free-squiggle · 6 years

Photo

And... this is the post!!! My Sides!!! I was inspired by @thatsthat24‘s Sanders Sides series to look a little deeper into myself, and finally put some names to my traits.

Literally.

So, left to right, top to bottom, in order:

Pride

Their name is Rogue (like Rogue One), and yes they chose it themselves. They are very proud of that. Dark red crop top, ripped black skinny jeans, and a short black leather jacket that they usually wear, buuut it’s super hot out. Literally loves to be punk, loves the aesthetic, and always looks good because they have to be proud of themselves.

Lies, Slander, and More Lies

This is my Deceitful Side, also known as Diana (Die-Anna). They kinda love to borrow aesthetics from the Dragon Witch, and has very extremely oh so evil powers. Totally embraces the Slytherin that I am. Is a little too strong sometimes, I’m working on being more honest with myself, okay? Also absolutely has slits in that dress and can run and fight in it ‘cause I am not the type to stand on the sidelines.

Femininity

Since I am a demifluid enby, I do have Sides for my different genders, which is admittedly strange but also weirdly kinda cool (to me). One is my femininity, or Malee (May-lee). Nicknamed May. She is a total girly-girl, but doesn’t hate on anyone who isn’t. Basically a femme lesbian. Super sweet, wears makeup all the time, really works with Pride a lot to try and get me to look good. But she’s not all about looks - super feminist. Also the Mom Friend of the group. Super strong, powerful. To be honest her icon is Lucy from Narnia, so you can tell she is not a weak-willed woman.

Creativity

They are an artist of all types. Their name is Cassie. Started with ballet, went to music, and never stopped trying to draw and write. Still a musician and a writer, getting more and more into crochet recently. They are the source of all inspiration and ideas, and no matter how bad things end up they are always there to persevere. Really wants to fly. Loves the Imagination, ‘cause that’s where they can do anything they want.

Depression

This little shit. She is like. The darkest Side. Annoyingly, she - Dani - is also a part of me. She holds onto all my insecurities, always makes them bigger than they’re out to be. She’s the one that blows things out of proportion and makes my Anxiety kick in. She’s the one that hurts me the most. Also the source of any and all dysphoria, usually shown to me through Pride and/or Anxiety. Like I said. A little shit.

Anxiety

Not too bad, kinda chill. Their name is Judi. Does what depression tells them because Depression is stronger, but overall, kinda relaxed. Unless they send me into a Panic attack because they are so worried about something (usually because it’s because I get stressed out over what I have to do and then they kick in). They are good at keeping me awake. Which is a good thing with everything I have to do.

Masculinity

His name is Mace, and he honestly hasn’t been around much up until the past year. Kinda quiet, shy. But strong. Still there. Really just super chill, wants to sit around enjoying sports and/or geeky things. He comes out when I’m at the gym. He also really comes out when I’m in band, because it is a physical activity. Does like classic rock and some country as well as punk and some other alternative.

Nonbinary

Is honestly a mood. I don’t know how. But they are. This is Charlie, my enby Side. They are just there, kinda in the back, until someone tries to offend someone else, specifically in the LGBTQ+ community. Then they bring the fire and wrath down that the homophobes and transphobes and any other such bigots deserve. They do not stand for someone hurting because of stuff like that. If someone is being racist or homophobic, you better believe that they can and will Fite that person behind a Denny’s at 3 am.

Me!!!!

Hi! It’s me, Angel! zYour resident pansexual demifluid enby. Huge nerd, creative mess, and just someone who does love life a lot. Yeah, I got my issues, but then who the hell doesn’t? Also, I love cats.

Logic

Rarely works tbh. Their name is Laura, and they are usually too busy staring at pretty people to work. They end up blanking out a lot because of this. But they do work sometimes. Like, during school, they’re okay, but if one of the other Sides gets distracted, which happens all the time, Logic just flies out the window. Literally. The above picture is Morality joining them on flying out said window so they can go have a nice day together. I’m also pretty sure my Logic is gay for my Morality.

Morality

Will love you no matter what. Even if you’re a bitch to them, which you shouldn’t be because they are the sweetest thing. Literally just wants to cuddle everyone and everything. Also the Parent Friend, along with my femininity. My Morality’s name is River, because they’re flowy and pretty and yet can destroy everything when they are in the mood. I’ve really been trying to listen to them more, because they do have a super optimistic and pretty cool outlook on life. I am pretty sure they are gay for my Logic.

Now that you’ve met the sides, this is kinda how they match up against each other.

Pride vs. Depression - Depression tries to knock down my self image. Pride tries to keep it up. Pride often can end up being a tool to Depression, though I am working on trying to see through that. Gah, depression is difficult. But I can fight it.

Lies vs. Morality - Honestly, since Morality loves everyone, they get along rather well. It could certainly be worse. Lies aren’t always the villain in my case, after all.

Femininity vs. Masculinity - Honestly, they work together, but since femininity was always at the forefront, it’s been hard on masculinity. I really need to work on accepting all of myself, but you know what? I’m on a rollercoaster that only goes up, my friend. *sorry not sorry I quoted the Fault in Our Stars*

Creativity vs. Logic - Kind of an obvious rivalry here. Fantasy against Reality, and all that. But they work together to create the best kinds of ideas, and they both really help out when I’m trying to make music (due to both the technical and emotive portions of it).

Nonbinary vs. Anxiety - It’s basically the Anxiety of coming out. Like, being nonbinary is still new to me, and it’s really confusing a lot of times. Actually, it’s confusing pretty much all the time. But the Anxiety is really only over being outed, or over whether or not I’m faking it. You know, the usual gender stuff.

But yes, these are my Sides! I hope you at least found this interesting, or something... cause I honestly have no idea anymore.

Let me know what you think (if you want), and I will see you guys later!!!

Tag List

(Sanders Sides)

@astraastro

@madly-handsome

@amber1594

@lie-lie-birdy

@thebaagelboy

@justanotherpurplebutterfly

@ravenclawunicorn1

@ako1209

@princessbelix

@water13girl

@romanasanders

@deathshadowrules

@virgils-jacket

@fandomsofrandom

@cochroachkappa-blog

@zoeyheys

@chipminkle

@6tick6tock6

@maizieandbirds

@panic-at-theeverywhere

@not-my-patton

@cookieturtleart123

@confinesofpersonalknowledge

@generalfandomfabulousness

@thegirlofwolvesandfangs

@toujours-fidele

@light-it-on-fire

@ghostmaster83

(All)

@birdybabybird

@awesomelissawho

@funsizedgremlin

@surviving-an-ocean-of-fandoms

@teacupfulofstarshine

@am-i-heaven-or-am-i-hell

#my sides #not sanders sides #angel arts #original content

47 notes · View notes

elldusk · 6 years

Note

//do all the even ones

thank u!!

0: Height 5″2 I’m legit so short omg

2: Shoe size 5

4: Do you drink? yesss

6: Age you get mistaken for I’m not even sure ya know but I think people probs think I’m younger bc of my height

8: Want any tattoos? maaate I literally have a whole list with currently 15 potential tattoos 😩

10: Want any piercings? gonna get my nipple pierced in september eyy

12: Relationship status single

14: Biggest turn offs closed minded, rude to retail workers (or anyone), bad breath

16: I’ll love you if… u buy me food xo

18: Most traumatic experience done!

20: What I hate most about myself my legs and my weirdo awkwardness around new people

22: What I want to be when I get older: practicing artist would be the dream but tbh graphic designer would be p sick or anything creative like that

24: My relationship with my parent(s) it’s good most of the time!

26: My biggest pet peeves chewing loudly, customers who think they know more about your job than u

28: A description of the person I dislike the most done!

30: What I hate the most about work/school legit i enjoy my job besides the rude customers

32: What words upset me the most homophobic/transphobic/racist slurs

34: What I find attractive in women tattoos, good sense of style, sharing my sense of humour, somewhat outgoing, dimples, cute smile

36: Where I would like to live permanently i’m not sure but i do wanna live abroad for at least a year- canada maybe?? but never been so who fuckin knows

38: My childhood career choice artist

40: Who I wish I could be idk i wanna live my own life but for a day i’d wanna be lily allen or something

42: The last thing I ate a watermelon lolly. if ur from the UK get ur hands on a rowntrees watermelon ice lolly they are the best things to grace this earth honestly, thank me later xo

44: A random fact about anything the queen owns all the swans in England apparently??

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aint-ships-a-wonder · 6 years

Note

22, 29, andddd 40 😊

22: Talk about your worst fear.

Ooooof my worst fear? having a marriage like my parents’ or becoming a failure.

My parents’ marriage is mentally abusive on both sides and my siblings and I have been dealing with a ton of stuff since birth, pretty much.

I don’t EVER want a s/o like my dad in the sense that they smother me, telling me what to wear, putting me down when i dissatisfy them, that kind of thing. especially if they do the things they accuse me of doing.

but i also don’t want a s/o like my mother, one that’s controlling and goes through my phone “just for fun” and constantly accuses me of things i would never do: cheating, lying, etc.

they’re both politically conservative, i.e. transphobic, homophobic and just really close-minded. i dont need that either

They both have amazing qualities, don’t get me wrong. My mom is more loyal than anyone I’ve ever seen and manages to put us before her when it’s necessary, and even when it’s not. She listens and gives good advice, and she usually means well.

my dad is pretty fun, carefree and about as extroverted as it gets. he’s really protective and chill, even going as far as casually meeting and talking to the couple boyfriends that i’ve had in the past (they were both for less than two months lmao it just kinda happened when they came to the door to pick me up)

and god, im one of the first of my generation in my family to go to college(not overall but in like my age group) and i want everyone’s expectations to be met and exceeded so like im terrified of letting them down.

29: Talk about what turns you on.

oh honey ummmm idek

@rockstardolan ‘s webcam girl/boy and scary love series. theyre both really hot and hit my kinks ngl

any time Ethan does anything tbh

(this is so weird i’ve never really thought about it)

seeing someone show off their intelligence(not the annoying I-know-more-than-the-teacher kinda way, like the way where they’re unexpectedly spouting something that challenges your own thinking process)

thiccccc people (usually girls)

hot people that are adorably insecure lemme make out with your face real qui-

im trying really hard and im just oming up with random stuff lmao idek im so bad at this im sorry

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

the end of something in my life?

I guess i’ll talk about my loss of blind trust in my parents, specifically my dad (does this mean I have daddy issues? idek lmao but anyways) I’ll talk about the beginning of it first cause the timeline kinda jumps around( warning: its kinda really long and personal if ya dont wanna read just keep scrolling)

I was in second grade and my parents were separated. My mom and i lived with her cousin and his wife, and my dad lived with his brother and his friends. idk what happened to our house during that time but ANYWAYS. I remember going back and forth a lot and my dad picking me up on weekends and working on homework in my mom’s cousin’s kitchen. One day, we were invited to a party in what used to be a salon for parties (now its a episcopal church or something idk) and i rememberseeing my dad yelling at my mom and my mom crying her eyes out. he was looming over her and she just sat there, her head on the table and i could hear her crying from a table i was hiding under. my dad was super pissed off but i remember my mom’s uncle was threatening to call the cops and fight him outside if he didnt leave my mom alone. and he did. he left and told her it wasnt over.

the next part came when i was in about… sixth grade? my parents were back together and all i remember about that day was seeing my mom crying and hugging her, and she started blurting all these things out when i started defending my dad’s actions cause i used to be his #1 fan, regardless of the yelling i’d seen before. She told me about him cheating, about his realllly questionable decisions and about how he was completely different now than when they dated, how different he was from his brothers (they’re all fiscally responsible family men that absolutely adore their wives, I’ve seen them and it makes me really envious of their kids). I listened and i couldnt believe it. MY dad? the one that i spent so much time with and that i tried to be like in terms of personality? no way.

then last year he was arrested and was being held in a cell until my mom bailed him out and paid the fine with the savings she’d had to naturalize her parents and brother, which was around 10 grand. he’s still going to court rn.

this was the LAST fucking straw. I was the one to convince my mom to keep him out of the house (she kicked him out) until about Thanksgiving. I made it pretty clear i couldnt stand him and i still hate him for doing what he did. that will never change.

but throughout my life i’ve seen some of the most toxic behaviors in marriages from my dad. he tells my mom what to wear, and how dare she talk to people of the kind with an excess of testosterone? he calls her and keeps tabs on her during lunch breaks and such and just… there’s a lot of shit.

but yeah, i lost faith in my parents, cause my mom was trying to keep it a secret from me. the only reason i know what happened last year was because i was the one that answered the call that we got at around 11pm on a Saturday telling us that my dad got arrested.

she lied so easily to my siblings and i just… couldn’t really trust her fully after that. and dont even get me started on the bullshit my dad’s pulled. i constantly have arguments with my mother about why i dont need a husband or to get married or give birth, apparently the things that truly transform me into a woman and true member of the church; and with my dad about how he doesnt own my body or why guns arent exactly things that should just be lying around without proper legislature to keep everyone safe. Parkland didnt do anything to my dad, he just sad : this is why i want to get you a gun.

i have decent relationships with them on the good days, but i’ll never trust them the way i used to.

#lily the oversharer #idk if yall like her or not #but she's made an appearance #this is what i mean lmao #ask me anything about myself and like the weird sometimes self centered person that i am i will answer in full detail

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herdustisverypretty · 7 years

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“Kuroko no Basket is not gay” - and why that statement is bullshit

I know I said I was leaving for today but this is something that has bothered me for a long time and I would like to say this.

I take issue with the title statement, and I’m going to explain why. This is going to be a very long post so grab a snack and get comfy.

Okay. To begin with, I’m going to talk about Kagami. He, along with Kuroko (but that’s another story), are the only male characters on the Seirin team who show no interest in Momoi. There are plenty of things that make this odd. One is the fact that Hyuuga has said he doesn’t like girly girls, yet even he salivates over Momoi. So Momoi is hot stuff. Yet Kagami shows zero attraction to her. He says to Kuroko that she’s cute, but that doesn’t mean he’s interested in her. Kuroko agrees she’s cute, but we know he isn’t interested in her at all. You can be aesthetically attracted to someone but not romantically or sexually. Secondly, his interactions with Alex. Kagami seems thoroughly disturbed by Alex when she does things such as try to kiss him or when she walks around naked. First of all this is odd for a teenage boy. It’s not that Alex isn’t attractive. The Seirin members also go gaga over her similar to Momoi. And I don’t believe it’s that she’s a mentor/parent/older sister figure, because of Himuro’s interactions with her. Himuro is not bothered by her behaviour at all, he just seems amused. When she tries to kiss him, he stops her and says people don’t do that casually here. This implies he’d be fine for her to kiss him if they were back in America. You could explain this as ‘maybe Kagami is just a prude’, and yeah, maybe he is. That’s one option. However there’s more. In Kurofes, his answer to ‘what is your type (as in romantic partner)’ is very odd. I have spoken to other people who speak Japanese and they also agree his answer is very strange. So, Kagami responds that he is attracted to “an elegant gir- person”. He starts saying the word girl, and then stops and changes to a gender neutral term. This is odd. The change from female to neutral seems significant. Why did he feel the need to stop saying a female term and change to a neutral term? Plenty of other characters in Kurofes say gender neutral person instead of girl (male characters) or boy (female characters) but that’s a normal response and they most likely are still straight. However that Kagami felt the need to specifically change his answer is very strange. My personal theory is that he just doesn’t think about his sexuality. He doesn’t seem the type to think about that kind of thing. All he cares about is basketball, not who he’s going to date. My theory is that he started saying girl because most people default that everyone is straight (shitty but true), and since Kagami doesn’t think about this he just automatically began to say girl. However, he changed his mind. So I think in that moment he realised “wait I do like guys” and thus changed his answer. You could take his answer two ways. That he’s bisexual, and wanted to use a neutral term to say he likes both girls and guys. Or you could take it that he is gay. Reo for example uses a gender neutral term in his answer, but we know he’s canonically gay. I would believe either, that Kagami is gay or bi, but personally I think it’s entirely possible that he’s gay judging by his interaction with female characters.

We’re going to move onto another topic. The topic is that Fujimaki knows jack shit.

Example one. Murasakibara. Murasakibara is autistic. There is no doubt. There is no argument. He is. He is autistic. However, I don’t think Fujimaki intended for him to be autistic. And by that I mean, Fujimaki does not know what autism is. He doesn’t know it is a thing that exists. There are a few reasons to support this. First, the way other characters talk about Murasakibara. Kuroko for example. Kuroko’s a smart kid. He likely would be aware that Murasakibara is autistic. However, when Kuroko describes Murasakibara and his personality, he makes no mention of this condition. Murasakibara is essentially described by characters as to be ‘just weird’. Things such as autism and mental illnesses are not understood well in Asian countries. I honestly do not have much knowledge of the way such things are treated in Japan, but in South Korea these things are barely acknowledged. Martina from EatYourKimchi has spoken about her experiences as a teacher in S.Korea. She mentioned that she had students she was convinced were autistic, and when she brought this up to the other teachers they responded “No they’re just a troublemaker. There’s nothing wrong with them.” I assume this view is the same in Japan (especially going by Fujimaki’s opinion of LGBT culture - which we’ll get to later). So, Fujimaki likely doesn’t even know autism exists, he just thinks it’s a weird personality some kids have, and gave it to Murasakibara for variety, without realising his character actually has a medical condition.

Example two. Reo. I love Reo. He is beautiful and lovely and I love him. But he is THE SHITTIEST AND LAZIEST attempt at a gay character I have ever seen. Fujimaki has NO IDEA about anything LGBT. There have been discussions on this already, for example here. I highly recommend you read this post, but I’ll also go into this as well. So in Japan, for many people who are not in the gay community, being gay, transgender, or even just a crossdresser are considered the same thing. If you’re gay you’re trans. If you’re a male who wears dresses, you’re gay and trans. And so on. That’s the opinion. It’s fucking stupid. But that’s how it is. Now let’s look back at Reo. First of all, Hayama refers to him with a female honorific, ‘nee’ meaning older sister. This does not necessarily mean Reo identifies as female. In Asian countries, many males who exhibit motherly qualities are often referred to with female terms. For example, my fav kpop group of VIXX. The leader, Hakyeon, is very motherly to the younger members, and the younger members sometimes refer to him as their mother. Does that mean he’s gay or identifies as female? Of course not. The same is with Reo. He’s motherly to the other members of Rakuzan, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s transgender. He certainly could be, but he also could not be. The combination of multiple things, the female honorific, the fact that Reo has been depicted with the other female characters in art and omake panels, and that Hyuuga uses a transphobic slur with him, all suggests that Fujimaki shares that stereotypical opinion of if you’re gay you’re also trans, and so on. I’m not saying Reo is or is not trans, I don’t know and I will never know, because Fujimaki doesn’t fucking know either.

More on sexuality and why Fujimaki knows nothing about LGBT. Alex. Her answer as to what is her type in Kurofes is that she likes assertive men. However we know Alex is bisexual. She is attracted to females as well. She states this plainly. You could say she only platonically kisses girls and while I recognise platonic kisses are a thing (I’m aroace so ofc I do) I don’t think it applies here, and I will tell you why. To most of us modern kids on tumblr, sexuality and gender are all very normal things that we know a lot about. But to most what I’m going to call ‘normal’ people not on tumblr, they are not educated in such topics. A straight man is just not going to kiss another man. Maybe if he’s an actor playing a gay character, but I don’t think many straight guys are going to be pashing other guys just for fun. If they were into that, they’d be bi. Same with straight girls. I know plenty of straight girls who just would not kiss another girl. It’s not homophobic, it’s just their preference, similar to a lesbian or a gay male not wanting to kiss someone of the opposite gender. It’s just preference. And that’s fine. Fujimaki does has the stereotypical opinion of westerners which is “we’re all gay, we all make out with everyone, and we love taking our clothes off”. And yeah. That’s what Alex is. I love her, but she’s the stereotypical Japanese idea of what an American is. Which is highly inaccurate. However, this does not change the fact that she is bisexual. Again, Fujimaki may not have intended that, but as the same with Murasakibara, it’s true whether he knows it or not.

So. We have established that Fujimaki knows nothing about his own characters. By all this information, it’s entirely possible other characters could have different gender identities or sexualities. Fujimaki would probably say ‘no, they’re all straight’, but tbh, I’m not going to listen to anything he says judging on the way he wrote Murasakibara, Reo, and Alex. I’m just not.

My point here after all that is: if you know the characters better than the author does, do whatever the fuck you want with them. Say they’re gay, say they’re trans. Whatever. Do what you want with them. Fujimaki has no fucking clue what he’s doing with them, so feel free to take his characters and do what you want. If you want to say Takao is gay, go for it, he’s certainly homo with Midorima. If you want to say Kuroko is aromantic, go for it. I get that vibe too.

Basically, do what you want with them, and let others do the same. These are fictional characters. They’re meant to be enjoyed. If you feel the need to snap at people and police them for identifying with a character and saying they are *insert identity here* then you’re an asshole and you need to reevaluate your life choices.

Good day.

btw, Kuroko no Basket is gay af

#kuroko no basket #kuroko no basuke #knb #kurobas #kuroko's basketball #kagami taiga #kuroko tetsuya #himuro tatsuya #alexandra garcia #murasakibara atsushi #mibuchi reo #long post

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clowngore · 7 years

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thank you for tagging me ?? @fucktional-slytherpuff idk you but wow great Rules: Answer all questions and tag 20 people. 1. What is your nickname? nizh probably 2. What is your zodiac sign? sagittarius 3. What is your favorite book series? i can't read 4. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? hell ya 5. Who is your favorite author? i can't read 6. What is your current favorite song? tbh the first youtube result for kashmir metal cover because kashmir is the song gwendoline thinks of when she's in character as phasma so it's like, her theme song, but the metal cover fits her more y'know 7. What is your favorite word? fuck 8. What was the last song you listened to? haunted mansion theme song 9. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? game of thrones bc i'm stereotypical 10. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? idfk but airplane and tombstone are always things i'll watch 11. Do you play video games? (sims music playing) (minecraft grass blocks breaking) (star wars lego theme song) yeah i'm a gamer B) 12. What is your biggest fear? being average 13. What is your best quality, in your opinion? every single thing i love myself 14. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? my ability to get overwhelmed after being alive for .5 seconds 15. What is your favorite season? autumn? or winter but i just really love halloween 16. Are you in a relationship? nah 17. What is something you miss from your childhood? cali-fucking-fornia 18. Who is your best friend? yumi n izzy n felix are the best friend trio 19. What is your eye color? l ight br o wn ?? ? 20. What is your hair color? rn it's purple but naturally it's dark brown almost black 21. Who is someone you love? the goddess of the universe who saved all of our souls simply by existing, gwendoline christie, 22. Who is someone you trust? the friend trio 23. Who is someone you think about often? ....................gwen 24. Are you currently excited about/for something? death 25. What is your biggest obsession? star wars or game of thrones idk 26. What was your favorite TV show as a child? spongebob hell yea 27. Do you have any unusual phobias? cherophobia 28. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? both 29. What is your favorite hobby? crying 30. What was the last book you read? i can't read 31. What was the last movie you watched? my cousin vinny i think 32. What musical instruments do you play, if any? sort of guitar but i'm shit 33. What is your favorite animal? bears bears bears bears bears 34. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? literally blog that consistently posts abt gwendoline 35. What superpower do you wish you had? shapeshifting 36. When and where do you feel most at peace? in my room, at night, aaaaaaaa and also the haunted mansion and pirates of the caribbean (the disneyland rides) lmao my childhood 37. What makes you smile? gwendoline. captain phasma. brienne of tarth. people complimenting me. cool clothing. me, when i look good. 38. What sports do you play, if any? is suffering a sport 39. What is your favorite drink? i fucking love matcha frappuccino with two shots of espresso 40. Are you afraid of heights? more like "don't push (person) off don't push them off don't push don't push them do not push them off don't do it i swear to god if you push them, which you will not, i will kill you do not push them" 41. What is your biggest pet peeve? gender roles and biases 42. Have you ever been to a concert? (laughs for an uncomfortably long time) (wipes tear) yeah 43. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? an actor or a singer or a president and damn nizh 2/3 44. What fictional world would you like to live in? star wars fuckin duh 45. What is something you worry about? currently school and This Person 46. Are you scared of the dark? nah 47. Do you like to sing? FUCK YEah 48. Have you ever skipped school? refer to 42 49. What is your favorite place on the planet? my room or disneyland 50. Where would you like to live? kerry co ireland or outside of sapporo japan 51. Do you have any pets? ya i got a cat n a dog 52. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl 53. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? i like when the sun is on the opposite side of the world 54. Do you know how to drive? ): 55. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones kill me 56. Have you ever had braces? yeah it's hell 57. What is your favorite genre of music? is rock too vague 58. Who is your hero? i can't answer these questions with anything other than gwendoline dhjsfjkdjs 59. Do you read comic books? i wish i would get around to it 60. What makes you the most angry? refer to 41 61. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? i like real books but i'm so lazy that i'm more likely to read digital 62. What is your favorite subject in school? leaving 63. Do you have any siblings? unfortunately i have two 64. What was the last thing you bought? that implies that i have money to spend (probably clothes) 65. How tall are you? 5'0 or 5'1 idk 66. Can you cook? can i use my brain ever 67. What are three things that you love? gwendoline, my ego, sleeping 68. What are three things that you hate? refer to 42, homophobes/transphobes, overwhelming things 69. What is your sexual orientation? bi???? idk but i love girls and in between and boys are kinda iffy i'm not sure if i like them i don't think so but it's Confusing 70. Where do you currently live? unfortunately the united states of prejudice 71. Who was the last person you texted? yumi 72. When was the last time you cried? idk last night prolly 73. Who is your favorite YouTuber? no one ? 74. Do you like to take selfies? ya way too much but it's justified bc i'm great 75. What is your favorite app? tumblr idk 76. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? it's fine 77. What is your favorite foreign accent? gwen's 78. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? idfk i'm too tired for this 79. What is your favorite number? 13 because i like to be edgy 80. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? space, the ocean is confining 81. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? idk i do what i want to 82. Are you allergic to anything? chocolate. dairy. idk 83. Can you wiggle your ears? i don't think so? 84. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? i'm never wrong 85. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? hhhhhhhhhhhhh idk??????? 86. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? nobody has given me advice but, everything gwen says is rly good and basically what i can say is: do things that you want if they, logically, make sense and are reasonable and don't hurt anyone. rules that are based on nothing and are just rules to be rules don't need to be followed. judge whether people need to be respected, only respect authority that deserves respect. society is wrong most of the time. if people don't like you it's not your problem and they can cry about it, you're still great and just because some ugly loser is wrong about you doesn't mean that you're automatically worse. 87. Are you a good liar? i'm an actor so 88. What is your Hogwarts House? idk 89. Do you talk to yourself? mhm 90. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert 91. Do you keep a journal/diary? i don't even keep my thoughts consistently 92. Do you believe in second chances? depends 93. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yeah but i don't wanna be the one to do it 94. Are you ticklish? literally nowhere 95. Have you ever been on a plane? ya a shitload 96. Do you have any piercings? my ears twice but i want more 97. What fictional character do you wish was real? literally take a fuckin guess (phasma) 98. Do you have any tattoos? god i wish 99. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? refer to 86. the decision to not care and to judge things for myself def makes me feel better about myself and the world because the pressures of society need to fuck off 100. Do you believe in karma? sorta 101. Do you wear glasses or contacts? no 102. Do you want children? adopt older (10+) children when i'm older 103. Who is the smartest person you know? lmao me (idk) 104. What is your most embarrassing memory? when i was in kindergarten this girl said her favorite color was either pink or purple and i really aggressively raised my hand pointing 1 finger and said "black!!" and everyone stared at me and my life has never been that bad 105. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? way too many times 106. What color are most of you clothes? black 107. Do you like adventures? idk i don't do shit 108. Have you ever been on TV? god i wish 109. How old are you? no 110. What is your favorite quote? "i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity" and it's not because of the emo reason you think it actually makes sense if i explain it 111. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? idk 112. Have your friends ever badly disapponted you? side-eyes That Person 113. What is your favorite scent? cold 114. Random fact you know? every penny made before 1982 is actually almost fully copper, and if melted down is worth 2 cents 115. What is your opinion on long distance relationships? hard. just, really hard. not sure if it's worth it  Tagging: @yumikoflare @one-bad-apple @boxer-pup @erosiian @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell and if anyone else wants to do them you should message me so i know to tag you in the future LOL

#ily #this is a lot of shit to write

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