#I'm making art again... i literally thought i lost that spark | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stoukadraws · 11 months

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Happy 3rd Anniversary Chromatale, and Goodnight.

So its about time I say this: I won't be making any content about this AU anymore, so that unfortunately puts it into the discontinued undertale comics category xd

I just really lost the spark I had 2 years ago when making it, so the "little hiatus" that I thought was only going to be a few months turned into more than a year.

I'm sorry to those who were waiting and wanted to see more, but there is another reason why I'm doing this-

It's not gonna be an AU anymore, it's going to be an original story.

I really thought about it for a while and I decided that making it into an original story would give me more creative freedom and I wouldn't have to always stick to one storyline, I wanted to expand the world more as well as the characters, but since its all based on a game with a pretty much solid story, it was hard for me to insert some things that would be out of place or wouldn't make sense.

So, I hope you understand, this AU was truly a learning experience for both my art and my writing since I made it when I was really young and not very experienced, but I'm glad I was able to improve along the way.

Thank you for supporting this AU since the beginning and stuck around!

I plan to make more works surrounding this new story later on, so I look forward to it! And I hope some of you are excited for what's to come. (*^▽^*)

More in-depth explanation + some questions (near the end) :

This is gonna be a bit long so if you really wanna read this whole thing be prepared xd

This whole thing doesn't mean I'm quitting Undertale altogether, I'm still continuing the Strays Au, and I want that AU to be my main Undertale AU now since I've always intended on making it Undertale related and I'm already satisfied with it right now, so I don't intend on making it original or anything.

When I started Chromatale I was still a kid-ish, and I was at the toilet with my phone and idk how it started but I decided to doodle a Sans on my phone and thought "I can make an Undertale AU!".

And so I did. Chromatale back then was reallyyy different, it was a post-genocide story with Sans and Frisk trying to bring everyone back -yeah real original younger me

There was a comic I did on my phone but now its lost in time unfortunately, it went though like 2 rewrites until I decided to make it a full AU with my own story. And so some brainstorming later and the comic you all know today was made!

Again, I was still new to the whole comic making thing and my writing was pretty sloppy, I'm still surprised it got a lot of attention- I was full of passion and really worked my butt off to make each pages, even with school going on (it was online so it wasn't much of a hassle tho) I was determined to finish it and already had a lot of the comic planned.

That is until I felt a bit worn out, my motivation was getting lower until I could barely produce a page, so that's when I decided to put the comic on hiatus, I initially planned for it to only be a few months but then time went on and I still didn't feel motivated to continue it.

During that time I was just doing my own thing, making some OC art and different stories, making another Undertale AU, going back to school and a shit ton of projects to do- I felt like a little weight was lifted from my back, the comic had turned into labor for me and constantly doing updates wasn't very healthy, since during some updates I had to force myself to finish it.

The story was also changing in the middle of it, I had to rewrite chapter 3 since the first version was literally full of "fanservice" that I only noticed when I re-read the chapter a few months later.

I just wasn't satisfied with it, the story that my younger self had in mind didn't fit what I wanted now since I had grown more mature as time went on, the whole AU really taught me what to do and what not to do.

Initially I actually wanted to reboot Chromatale again and focus more on the concepts and solidifying the plot before engaging in a comic, but after some thinking I thought it would be better to transition it into an original story. I really wanted to expand the story more and again gain more creative freedom than being limited to a pretty much complete-ish story.

I wanted to do what I wanted instead of forcing it to fit with the fandom's liking and preference.

Although its going to be an original story some things will sorta be the same but I won't go into too much detail about it.

I won't promise a comic though, mini comics sure but not anything official. Maybe in the far distant future, but I doubt, I still got a lot of other stories I wanna make into comics >>

Now some things I would like to clarify:

"Now that you're discontinuing Chromatale can it be mine?"

-Unfortunately as much as you want to claim it, no. Chromatale still belongs to me. Even if its going to be original now there's still a lot about it during its UTAU days. I still own it, but I don't want to be heavily associated with it. I'd rather have others focus on the new version than the AU version, and I don't want all my other works to be overshadowed by it. I hope you understand.

"Can I still make fanart?"

-Feel free to still make fanart, I won't restrict anyone from still making any. But I'd still like to see fanart of the new version 👀

"Can I still dub the comic?"

-Sure, make sure to still credit me but please specify to viewers that the comic is now discontinued and its become an original story, I don't wanna give the viewers false hope. If your dubbing for fun then go ahead!

Any dub of the comic that has been published has my permission to still be up in public, I won't force anyone to take it down. But please don't use it for any profiting or income.

Now that's been settled, I'm planning on posting some concepts from the AU that I still have since I don't think I'll use some anymore and now that its ok to show now that I discontinued the comic xd

Again, thank you for following me along this journey! See you in the next post ✨

#undertale #undertale au #chromatale #chroma!tale #frisk #chroma!frisk #eve #digital art #digital illustration #digital painting #my art #stoukaart

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drbased · 13 days

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i've been reading your symbolic states tag and i'm both fascinated and relieved. i too am trying to live more in the real world and less in my head. a spark was struck when i read that i should be looking forward to the work of living, rather than dreaming of the symbolic sense of achievement i want.

do you have any tips/advice on getting out of that state? i find myself slipping back to it after a few days/weeks. how did you get out of it permanently?

i also want to hear your thoughts on social media's impact on us with regards to the symbolic state. social media is a literal continuous symbolic state that we are now all expected to participate in. how might we do it without succumbing to living/thinking symbolically?

actually, i would go so far as to state that social media has contributed directly to the current boom and celebration of unreal/symbolic ideals.

thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.

Thank you so much for this message 💖

This is, in short, my process:

learn to recognise what makes you feel uncomfortable. mentally trace back to recognise what has made you feel sad, angry etc. The more specific and granular and embarrassing you can recognise as the source of your negative emotional response, the more you're learning about your actual self and not some idealised version of you.

from that, start getting to know yourself. once again, the more granular and specific you can get, the better. instead of thinking 'I am smart', recognise 'I have good analytical skills that I developed during childhood because of x experience' etc. this will help you to stop categorising yourself as a certain type of person and instead will help you to have a healthier relationship with the traits that make up who you are.

before doing an activity, is your mental picture of yourself in the first or third person? because if it's the latter, try imagining yourself in the first person. if this feels humiliating and embarrassing, and the activity seems boring, you've learned something about what you actually like doing. get used to recognising that picturing yourself in the third person is a warning sign. the more you recognise the warning signs, the more you learn about yourself, and the more you can act authentically.

with a better picture of who you are, you're better at recognising what you actually want in the moment. I specify in the moment, because it's very easy to categorise yourself - I spent over a decade doing things because 'drbased would like this activity', as if I'm forced to behave according to someone's OC character sheet of myself. For example, when doing art projects, I feel as if I'm supposed to do a specific design because 'that's the kind of design drbased likes' - which actually makes the activity the opposite of creativity because I leave myself no room for the spontaneity of the human spirit; everything I do has to fit into a category. Recognising that I can just exist in the moment and not as part of some wider narrative has helped me immensely

learn to trust yourself - or, at least, humour yourself until you trust yourself. learning to humour myself is where this all started. I took myself and my point of view seriously, and as such was finally able to stop being embarrassed at being a human being. I approach everything from my own point of view now, and it's wild that I finally understand that that's what being human, being alive, existing is all about.

and here's the big one - or, rather, one continuous and contiguous chain of small ones - I have to actually do what I want, moment to moment. Since I lost the ability to recognise myself as a human being existing in the chain of cause-and-effect, I have to re-establish my relationship with said cause-and-effect. I have to re-attach some neurons, and the best way to do that is with consistent behaviour. I feel something I want to do, I have to do it instantly. The more of a gap I leave, the harder I make it in the long run. I still feel the tug of obligation stopping me from doing what I want to do instantaneously, so this is a long, perhaps a life-long journey for me. but I want that, no matter how exhausting it can get, because every moment I get to show myself love and prove just how serious I am about mending my relationship with myself. One very existentially terrifying thing I've learned is that the medium is the message - the very fact that you're making these gestures to yourself is something that your brain registers. And the simple fact, is, reality feels a lot better when you're directly engaging with it. It's tough, but it's incredibly rewarding and makes life better - remember, you only ever exist in the moment - so thinking of yourself as anything other than in the moment is a form of death of the self. Reinforcing yourself as part of the chain of causality is telling yourself you're alive and want to live.

Make no mistake: I am not completely out of it. I seriously damaged my relationship with my own self-hood and I am sure that I will always be struggling with this for the rest of my life. But how I frame my response to life's struggles is entirely different now - I am making this decision to engage with what I once percieved as the humiliation of mundane life because I can now recognise that for better or for worse, I'm the one living it. I'm the one feeling the feelings and thinking the thoughts and doing the actions. I am the center of my entire perception of the universe, this life is literally my own. I used to think of myself as having some obligation/responsibility to other people and the universe itself - but now I recognise that responsibility is, like, an actual real thing, instead of just getting marks on a test. If I do something bad, that actually hurts real people; and likewise, doing something nice is good because real people benefit. The 'responsibility' comes once again from the equally comfortable and terrifying realisation of my place in the chain of cause-and-effect. As part of that chain, I may have caused irreparable damage to my psyche, but I'm not part of a narrative where I must seek to 'fix myself' - I'm just a human being, and I want to live the best life I can because feeling good feels good, and that's what I want for myself because I care about myself. If I have to spend the rest of my life constantly asking 'what do I actually want right now?' then so fucking be it - because the alternative is a low-level hell of depression and PDA.

I will talk about social media and symbolic states in a reblog of this another time. But I hope this helps - I'm getting better at writing down the stages of what I did to help myself, and it's incredibly gratifying, and the responses I get are validating.

#anon #symbolic states #wisdom posting

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matrixxsystem · 4 days

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Luck Runs Out Part 4

Leo pulled back the curtain to Donnie's lab with April following behind him and was immediately met with Casey's uh, interesting, music playlist. It was no wonder him and Donnie got along so well, they both liked the kind of mechanical dubstep Donnie always played when he was working on something. Casey was sitting at Donnie's work bench with a pair of goggles on as small sparks flew. He was doing something with the tech inside the mask it seemed.. Leo gave April a look like he wasn't sure if he should bug him or try and wait till he was done.

"Hey guys. What's up?" Casey called from his seat, causing both April and Leo to look a bit surprised. He turned the music off and lifted the goggles off his head, swiveling in the chair to see them with an awkward smile. "Okay-" Leo started as he took a step forward, "How in the would did you hear us over that?? You were across the room with loud ass music and you were fiddling with your mask thing-"

"I think you forget I grew up in a bunker during the apocalypse Leo-"

"....Fair 'nough- Anyway, we're all going out to get lunch and I'm dragging you with us cause we need more humans to make it look less weird"

"Less weird..? Please tell me you aren't going into town for lunch.. I don't- I mean I just- Y'know-? I'm the last guy you want in your group to make you look normal-" Leo rolled his eyes and threw his arm over Casey's shoulder, "Yes we're going into the city, and you are coming cause we can all use some fresh air. And me and Usagi kinda have this idea.. We want to use the cloaking pins Donnie made and we know my brothers have been kinda weird about using them.. And since you haven't disappeared yet like in those Back from the Future movies we can only assume you're just, here now.. So you have to learn how to be a human in the 2020s"

"Well, I guess" Casey sighed a little, "I mean Donnie feels pretty bad about sending you alone and then.. You kinda snapped in the government facility and... y'know, killed two people, and wont talk to them about it- And you lost your arm and almost died, like, I helped stich you up after the.. Invasion, and I mean I've seen blood before but that.. It was just a lot for everyone."

"But I feel bad too-! Like it sucks and I get that, I really do, I'm literally forced to look at my mistakes in the mirror everyday- But those pins don't represent what happened to me and I mean.. If anything, shouldn't the pins represent that I made it out alive, and that we did it? I guess.. I dunno... I just don't want them to feel stuck in the lair like we failed when we didn't. Donnie wanted to go to school and he still hasn't even applied to places around here! Mikey was looking at art schools. It's just.. It's not fair." Casey gave Leos hand a sympathetic pat and pulled away, starting to clean up his space, "I get it, I really do.. It's hard watching the people you care about struggle, or hold themselves back because they don't want to hurt you. Sensei was like that a lot when I was young, I think cause I was really little he kind of, held back when he was around me for some reason, I think he didn't wanna scare me or he thought I was fragile or something? I don't really remember the reason, and I guess it doesn't really matter now.. But the only real things that fixed it between us was time and communication."

"...I don't like how smart you are sometimes haha, but yeah I'm sure part of it is my fault too, maybe that's something we can talk about before we leave, cause I'm sure by now they're onto my plan-" Casey nodded, setting his mask aside, "Yeah, that might be good, I am kind of excited to try some more food from around here, even if that means having to deal with people I guess.. Where are we going again?"

_____

"So.. Where are we going exactly?" Donnie asked, tilting his head at Usagi. "It's a surprise, but you will need your cloaking pins." The air was suddenly a lot more tense when he mentioned the pins, Mikey hesitantly glanced down to the pouch on his hip where his pin was kept. "I uh... Well uh..." Usagi went over at sat on Leos beanbag chair, "It was Leo's idea" He said with a little shrug, "He said he felt bad you guys never use the pins you all worked so hard to get. So we were gonna go have lunch in the city, our treat."

"..He does?" Raph asked, giving his brothers a little glance before sitting in his own beanbag chair, "What... Did he say exactly?" Usagi sat up more and thought for a moment, "Just that, since his little accident and the near invasion where he got hurt again, it feels like you guys tip toe around the pins and he feels bad that you feel like you can't use them, he mentioned that Mikey was looking at studios for various hobbies and Donnie was looking at colleges, even that you Raph might've wanted to get out of the house too but that no ones really done it. And it makes him feel a little sad, since he uses his pin to hang out with me and it doesn't bother him so much." Raph sighed a little, "I-I mean... Yeah we've looked around- Of course it'd be nice to y'know, go do stuff and make friends outside of the hidden city.. But it's dangerous, even if.. I just mean like... Oh- Have you ever seen the Spider-Man movies? Peter Parker is the main character and he has these powers to stop bad things and bad people, so he starts wearing a mask and fighting crime. But because he's always off saving the day he never has time for a normal life, his family, his girlfriend, his school, his job.. He's always ditching without an excuse and messing up his normal life because he's trying to do the right thing and protect everyone.. We can't have both normal lives and ninja lives. We know that.."

"Did this Peter Parker also have three brothers and a sister and one of their siblings partners able to support him?"

"Well no.. He was always kind of alone, that's part of what made it so hard. He did have a friend helping him eventually and like being on the computer for him while he was out so the friend could hack stuff and find things for him. But besides that one person no one else knew"

"-Till the second Spider-Man Miles came into the story! Then they fought together for a while!" Mikey chimed in. Raph nodded. "Right. But even then Miles was always avoiding his family and making them worry and Peter didn't have much family left after his uncle was killed-" Mikey pouted a little, "I mean yeah I guess, but in the newest installment Miles finally comes clean to his family after this big battle with the other spider people who disagree with him and they all accept him and he gets the girl and his friends who understand him! It's not about pretending to be normal, it's about finding people who accept you for you! And there's no weirder place than New York, I mean April is a human raised by humans, and she's super chill and is even dating a mutant, there's no way she's the only one" Usagi nodded a little, "All things take time, but just as April understands you, others can too. This is merely a step towards that, you all deserve lives outside of this, and no matter what happens, or where you go, you'll always be family and you'll always be there for each other. You can worry about being Spider-Man when the time comes, but today it's just lunch. And I think a big tough guy like you can handle that without too much overthinking right? If anything, do it for Leo. He's been putting a lot of thought into asking you all to wear the pins more often. He wants to see you all being happy and doing the things you talked about wanting to do before all this happened.."

"I know you're right but.. Raph just has a bad feeling- I don't want to stop anyone or myself from doing stuff, and I don't want them to feel bad either. I just, I can't stop seeing it when I think about the pins." Usagi reached over gently patting his shoulder, "Well, lets face it together then. Okay? I've known you for what, three years now? There's nothing that you, or this family, can't do. What do you see?" Raph let out a small defeated sigh and rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah.. I've heard that before.. But you're right. I can't over think things that haven't even happened yet." He paused for a moment giving another glance to his brothers before talking again, "When you brought Leo home. His arm had been torn apart, there was so much blood and.." He paused again, thinking back to Usagi stepping into the room with Leo in his arms, tear streaks staining Leos face that was masked with blood.. His arm broken to nothing and bleeding out the whole way into the medbay. There was bits of.. someone, stuck in his teeth and he couldn't stop throwing up till Donnie gave him a sedative.. Usagi gave him another sympathetic pat on his shoulder, Breaking Raph out of his thoughts, "It was hard." Usagi spoke quietly, "I understand, really. I know we don't always see eye to eye but Leo is... He's my everything. I have never cared for someone so deeply, he makes me want to be more than I am, and makes me feel so.. Seen. I wanna protect him with everything I have as long as he'll have me, probably as much as you do. And seeing him there in that hallway, bloody and weak.. And all scared and beaten up. It was jarring to see, and I can only imagine how you felt when I brought him back and you had to clean him up. And even now, two years later, it's hard not to get a little panicked when he insists he can go off alone somewhere. But the one thing I've learned about Leo is that he's so much more capable than anyone realizes, and sometimes even when you're unsure you just have to trust him, even when he doesn't have a plan, or doesn't know if he can win, even when he gets caught. You just have to trust him."

"I do-" Raph said as he stood up, "And.. I don't hate you or nothin' y'know, I could never. You're a good guy, and I know Leo would've been in real trouble without you around to help him out with all the stuff he had goin' on. And we're real lucky he has you. " He paused a little and took his pin out, "Alright, I think we've had enough mushy stuff for the week, let's go have lunch"

-_-_-_-

Leo, April and Casey walked into the room a moment later, seeing Usagi help fasten Mikey's pin on his hoodie. Casey gently pushed past the two to get a good look at how they all looked. "Oh wow, you guys look so.."

"Different?" Raph asked, tilting his head with a little smile. "I'm really not used to having hair-" Leo said as he put his pin on, "No no, I mean you look.. Like you. Its not bad, its just so weird to see you guys as human." Leo nodded a little, "Yeah I didn't think Donnie's hair would be in locs- It suits him though, less day to day maintenance and all." Donnie rolled his eyes and pointed back to Leo, "And you having those long bleached dead end dreads certainly fits your aesthetic dear brother." Leo rolled his eyes and decided just this once he'd let Donnie's comments slide, they didn't have time to wrestle right now. "You're just jealous I'm the hotter twin~" He said with a little laugh, "Are we all ready then?"

Everyone nodded and followed Leo and Usagi outside, everyone looked a bit nervous, which was to be expected. No one wanted to get caught, or mess up on any first impressions on their first group outing topside since they all almost died. Usagi took Leo's hand with a little smile, "We aren't going far. Just up the block, figured a pizza place might suit you guys"

"Pizza?!" Mikey repeated, pushing past April and Donnie to look at Usagi with stars in his eyes, "Ohmigosh you read my mind!!" Usagi chuckled a little as they walked, "Well you have said before how much you all love pizza, and I think a place with options might be good for Casey who doesn't have a lot of experience with the food of our time." Casey nodded a little, "Heheh.. Yeah, we didn't have very much there, and definitely not this kind of variety. I recently got to try something called ramen though- It was amazing!! Michelangelo was always a pretty good cook, even when we didn't have much he always found a way to make it enjoyable, or at the least, easy to get down." Raph tilted his head a little, wondering what kind of food they had in the future. He knew it was hard for stuff to grow, but was it really that bad? "No wonder you're so thin," Raph said with a little chuckle, Donnie raised his hand to pull the attention towards himself, "We should have a night where we all make our favorite foods and share them. I'm kind of interested now to try some of the food Casey was subject to- I mean, grew up with." April and Mikey both nodded, "Yes yes yes! I wanna try the pasta April's mom always makes for holidays! It sounds sooooo gooooood!!" Usagi slowed down for a second turning to Donnie, "Everyone's favorite..?" He asked in a quiet but serious tone. Leo stopped too, looking between the two. "Because, I wouldn't want to be invited to something like that only to make you all uncomfortable. Or well, most of you at least." Donnie hesitated for a moment but then nodded, "It's been about three years, I'm sure well be fine- And I mean, even if we don't eat it I know Leo and Casey will." Casey nodded, "I'm all for it" He said with a little shrug, "I don't know how well you're gonna like my cooking though-"

"What's the main stuff you guys had to eat?" Mikey asked, ready with his phone to look up what sort of meals they could've made with whatever ingredients they had available. "Well.. When we had the mass greenhouse in the abandoned buildings we had a lot of vegetables, mostly tomato's, potatoes, and carrots I think. So we had a lot of soups, things that were easy to take with us in any container and could be had hot or cold. That kinda stuff. Oh but, we did have these crunchy like, candied flowers that Draxx always brought when he came to visit. But he never let just anyone eat them, it was special, he brought them when someone died, or when someone was born. But on a normal day we had cold soup left overs and Autolyse, which is kinda like bread?"

"I'm sorry, auto what?" April asked, more confused than ever. Donnie raised a finger, "It's flower and water, it's the most basic and bland version of bread, commonly made when people are lacking supplies. But as a side to other foods or when packed with things like protein it can be a pretty good survival food." Casey nodded, "I wouldn't call it my favorite food but if you really wanna know what food was like that's a pretty good start."

"So we're really gonna do Donnie's idea?" Leo asked, "Cause I mean, I'm all for it I just.." Raph gently patted Leo's back as a reassuring gesture, "I'm down, how bad could it be? Look Leo, I know you've been trying really hard lately to keep your side of things out of the house in trying not to freak us out and we've been really weird about all this but we're all grown ups here, I think it'd be good to do something fun like this. I mean Usagi's like family now, and I wanna get to know that side of him." Leo blushed a little as he looked back to Usagi, then smiled more and nodded, "Heh, since when did you get mature huh- Fair enough. Think tomorrow would be too soon? The new JJ movie is hitting the internet and Donnie said he could put it up on the projector for us to watch, might be a good activity to warrant having so much food."

"That's a great idea, I don't know how easily it'll be to get pops out of his chair though.."

"Eh, we can burn that bridge when we come to it."

"...Uh, Leo? Don't you mean.. Cross that bridge when we get to it?"

"Hm? Oh- No, no I did not."

"...I-"

"Oh look-" Usagi chimed in, pointing across the street to a fairly decent looking restaurant. "We're here." And now look, when I say decent, I really just mean decent by New York's standards, which in this case really just means there's no bugs in or on the food, there's still people inside who haven't choked or ran out screaming, and all of their lights work. You can't really ask for a better place in this of corner of the town when you're looking for cheap food and a table of 7.to just be ready when you walk in. LRO Part 1 Part 5

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phantomfighter724 · 10 months

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Might be obvious at this point, but I just got my copy of A Glitch in Time today, and I have a lot of emotions because of it. I'll keep this pretty spoiler free, but I just have to say that I want to cry. They're happy tears, but I wanna cry nonetheless. This is obviously going to just be me ranting and getting emotional, so feel free to skip.

It's such a good book, it wraps things up so nicely, and it makes me feel like a kid again. I feel so warm, and I love it so much.

Honestly, I've found myself drifting away from the phandom in recent years, just because I kinda lost sight of the things that drew me to the show in the first place. I can't deny that Danny Phantom was an important part of my life, or that my experiences with the show and the phandom definitely shaped me into the person I am today, but that spark that drew me to the phandom in the first place ended up fading for me, to the point where I almost couldn't feel an ounce of inspiration from it when it absolutely poured from it when I was a kid. I almost didn't even order my copy of the novel because of that.

But I finally bit the bullet and got my hands on it, and I honestly feel that familiar spark again. The same spark I felt when I first rewatched Danny Phantom all those years ago and joined the phandom. I can just feel every single thing I loved about the show radiating from this book, and it's a wonderful feeling I never really thought I'd ever feel again. I almost want to have a Danny Phantom binge for the first time in years, just for the nostalgia of it all.

The phandom almost feels the same way it did when I joined too. There's just been an explosion of art, writing, and just people dumping their thoughts about it like I am right now. It feels good, like I'm actually reliving some of my old memories.

I didn't think this one book from a fandom I've been less and less active in throughout the years would make me this emotional, but it did. At this point, I'm just rambling into the void because I doubt anyone cares about this. But I just had to gush about how much I loved this book and how it made me feel. Now I'm off to cry and try not to explode from literally every emotion I can't put into words right now.

#danny phantom #a glitch in time #really just me being an emotional idiot #like someone opened the flood gates and now you have to deal with the consequences

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onlyswan · 1 year

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hi art, I just read your recent installment and I must say that drunk art is just exceptionally poetic and I cannot stress it enough, you really now how to put such emotions into words that you know would deliver the sparks. I love every word you put into it especially these parts:

you don’t know if you’re blinded by love, putting your trust in jungkook when he said that he wanted to build a life with you; or if it’s arrogance, having the trust in your ability to stand on your own feet again incase a match is thrown in a puddle of fuel on the floor. the latter is more painful to think about, quite frankly. just because you can, doesn’t mean that you want to. you have to. you have to. with bruised knees from praying for a little more time, you have to. the earth doesn’t stop orbiting the sun when your house burns down.

you perfectly describe what it is like to be in a place where you cannot fathom how did you get in this place that is too good to be true yet so scary and that no matter how frightening it is you know you will never have it any other way and taking that big of a step and putting your heart in line with someone like THE jeon jungkook and making a home out of his heart, I must say that a person as beautiful as oc deserve him so so so much and it is so nice that oc seems to be mirroring a lot of people like us who carries baggage yet is experiencing such exqusitely beautiful love gives me comfort like hell yeah, we also deserved to be loved despite of it all.

the epiphany that he is doing this at 2am not because time has arrived to daunt him and he needs to leave your bed to go home. not anymore. whatever this is, it feels so fucking good. oh my god, he looks forward to spending the rest of his life feeling you breathe next to him, getting lost in how peaceful you look asleep when he randomly wakes up in the middle of the night.

also this... this made me swoon so hard that I just have to read it a couple of times to be able to absorb the power this thought holds. the domesticated feelings. looking at the love of your life and suddenly your future flashes in your eyes. oh jungkook, bless your sweet sweet heart.

I just love them both so much, they are both so playful yet they have the most genuine love for each other. Also art, I was listening to boygenius' album earlier when the song true blue played and it reminded me of in which! couple like:

You've never done me wrong Except for that one time that we don't talk about Because it doesn't matter anymore Who won the fight? I don't know, we're not keeping score

And it feels good to be known so well I can't hide from you like I hide from myself I remember who I am when I'm with you Your love is tough, your love is tried and true blue

I remember the previous installment and it's just so soft and so cute and so freaking wholesome like goodness, thank you for creating them. Anyway, that's all this is getting too long hehe Love, ♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧

“hell yeah, we also deserved to be loved despite of it all.” 🥹🥹🥹 i cried

ngl it took me a while to answer this bcs i keep reading your words over and over again. i love when they’re talked about like this 🥲 it’s just soooo heartwarming to learn that the messages i’m weaving throughout the drabbles are well received. like it still feels surreal to me that you guys read read my works :,( and have come to understand and love jungkook and oc deeply as much if not more than me. literally feel free to analyze bcs i’m so interested in hearing your thoughts and how you perceive them !! thank you so much for your time and attention :") and i hope i never waste or take them for granted. i really am so grateful for each like reblog comments and asks 🫂💕

and bless jungkook’s sweet sweet heart indeed </3 baby is so happy to finally be living with oc

omg these lyrics and especially “you’ve never done me wrong except for that one time we don’t talk about“ holy shit??? 😭 so in which couple coded indeed. thank you for sharing i’ll be listening to it a lot !! <333

#🦢 anon

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licncourt · 2 years

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Louis as an unexpected optimist

So I'm back on my Louis meta and I think something that is really integral to understanding Louis as a character is realizing that he's actually an optimist at heart. He's obviously very depressed, he's grieving, he's overall A Mess but when you examine his actions and the way he interacts with the world, it's from a place of hope.

When Lestat finds him, Louis is suicidal and actively engaging in self-destructive behaviors he's hoping will allow him to end his life passively BUT the moment Lestat offers him another chance, a clear path forward, he takes it without hesitation. Louis wants to believe in something. He's looking for a reason to do so.

When he's at the lowest point of his life with Lestat, he immediately makes a 180 when Claudia comes into the picture. In spite of his sadness and anger, he immediately latches onto hope in the form of fatherhood, onto everything a child symbolizes. Again, a path forward and a reason to go on are offered and he takes it without hesitation.

It's only when his family is gone and there's no obvious better life to work towards that he becomes completely adrift and lost in a way he wasn't before, even after Paul. He was still FEELING then, and where there's emotion there's the capacity for happiness. It's the empty, apathetic hopelessness that actually represents rock bottom for Louis.

Once again though, when the path opens up for a reunion with Lestat, he casts aside everything from the past in order to start fresh with the man he loves. As much anger as he obviously was holding when Daniel interviewed him, he doesn't hesitate to release it in to give them the best chance.

(If you want to consider mid to late canon, this trend continues in his openness to Lestat after pretty terrible 90s/00s Lestatiness, but the characterization of everyone is so bad that I'm not using it as real evidence.)

Basically, no matter how bad things get or how awful his mental health is, Louis retains his belief in better things. He continues to read, to look at art, to admire the beauty of the rain and the flowers and the candle flames. Even at his lowest point, he describes the world with such reverence and appreciation. Louis at rock bottom is still a Louis who stops to share the loveliness of the cypress trees at night and all the wonderful things about his daughter with a stranger, even when it wasn't necessary for the story.

The same Louis who told Daniel "that's it, there's nothing else", also describes seeing the world through his eyes as being "like love". And you can see that in how he recounts what is otherwise a terrible time in his life:

"The moon was large over the cypresses, and the candlelight poured from the open doors. The thick plastered pillars and walls of the house had been freshly whitewashed, the floorboards freshly swept, and a summer rain had left the night clean and sparkling with drops of water. I leaned against the end pillar of the gallery, my head touching the soft tendrils of a jasmine which grew there in constant battle with a wisteria, and I thought of what lay before me throughout the world and throughout time, and resolved to go about it delicately and reverently, learning that from each thing which would take me best to another."

The only part of late canon I think is really wonderful for Louis' character is the Prince Lestat epilogue. In spite of absolutely everything that's happened, Louis calls becoming a vampire and all it's brought with it "the greatest adventure of his life". On the surface level, it's a strange comment for him to make when he seems to have been so unhappy for literally all of it, but that's only partly true.

In reality, he never lost that spark, it's always been there even if was subtle or less obvious than his sadness and he's always searching for better things. Louis is a true optimist because no set of bad circumstances ever sways him entirely from hope. Real optimism is finding hope 'in spite of', not simply enjoying life when it's easy and happy.

#i'm on spring break so everyone's going to have to hear every thought i have about louis #vc #meta

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1dmonthlyficroundup · 3 years

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1D Monthly Fic Roundup

Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for July 2021! Below you’ll find One Direction fics that were all published this month in the order they were submitted to the blog. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup.

Happy reading!

Game Changer by @neondiamond

[Harry/Louis, 6k, Mature, tumblr post]

“Did the doctor say what was wrong with you?”

“He thought I was pregnant,” Louis scoffs. “Told me to go home and take a test, a pregnancy test, Haz. Can you imagine the nerve it takes for him to even think that?”

Harry looks lost in his thoughts for a few seconds. “Did you? Take a test, I mean?”

“Of course I didn’t.”

OR: A couple months before playing in his first long-awaited World Cup, Louis finds out he’s pregnant. Harry’s there for the ride.

(I Was Broke) You Healed Me by @fallinglikethis

[Harry/Niall, 12k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

Niall Horan is an unmated pregnant omega living on his own after his alpha boyfriend leaves him. Far from his family and friends in Ireland, Niall is stuck living in a complex for Alpha/Omega bondmates, terrified every day of being found out by his landlord.As if that isn't enough, he's suffering from touch deprivation. Luckily, Niall's doctor can at least help him with that part: she prescribes Niall some cuddle sessions. It's only a little weird that the person she's prescribing him is her brother. Or maybe that's actually a little bit perfect.

The Only Pain in Pleasure is the Pleasure of the Pain by Layne Faire / @laynefaire

[Liam/Zayn, 10k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Liam had followed InZaynity, an artist's Instagram, for ages. Not only was the artist incredibly talented, his voice poured over Liam like warm honey on a winter's night, and his hands were the stuff Liam's wank dreams were made of. However, having Zayn unexpectedly arrive as the newest artist at his best friend's tattoo shop brought Liam's fantasies and reality a little too close for comfort.

Zayn Malik met his boss' friend on his first day at Fine Line Tattoos, and felt an instant attraction. Unfortunately, given Liam's unwillingness to even hold a conversation with him, Zayn was certain the feelings weren't reciprocal. Or were they?

When Liam's new tattoo design falls outside the scope of Tommo's talent, and he recommends Zayn do it, Liam reluctantly agrees. Surely he could manage to spend hours in Zayn's company without revealing his biggest secret, right? Right?

Blow Me Away by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

[Louis/Liam, 6k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Louis likes giving blow jobs.

He doesn't exactly get off on it – he's been with people who properly loved it, and he's not quite that into it – but he doesn't mind the feel or the taste and he really, really likes watching his partner lose it, so getting down on his knees regularly is a no brainer.

Which is why it's a bit frustrating that every time he does, Liam hauls him back up again.

Why Didn't We Make Out the Night We Met? by @berzerkshires

[Louis/Harry, 52k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Louis and Harry meet in an alley outside the hotel Louis is staying for the weekend. Harry introduces himself as Ed, and Louis is completely clueless. They have a relationship through text messages, phone calls, shared pictures and Facetime calls. Is a cell phone being the only source of communication enough? Will Louis ever learn that he's really talking to an international popstar? And what happens when the world is shutdown due to a wide spread virus?

I Love This Feeling (But I Hate This Part) by @lululawrence

[Harry/Louis, 7k, Not rated, tumblr post]

“Stand up.”

Harry stood up from the couch, not a moment’s delay.

“Oh my god, is that what that’s like?” Harry turned to Louis, surprise on his face. “I really thought they were somehow exaggerating, but it really is an automatic response with absolutely no thought from me behind it whatsoever.”

Louis sighed again. “You really wanna keep doing this? Have me use my alpha voice on you so you can work on resisting it?”

“Yup,” Harry said, clapping his hands and smiling. “How else am I going to be able to have any chance at reducing the power an alpha voice has on me?”

I Said It Wrong, But I Meant It Right by @lululawrence

[Liam/Nick Grimshaw, 4k, Not rated, tumblr post]

Nick was a bit of a disaster, but she was used to it.

Or so she thought. She had never known how much she could struggle just to function until the new fire lady goddess angel person winked at her.

Oh, Those Summer Nights by cherrylarry / @beelou

[Louis/Harry, 1k, General, tumblr post]

“Are you okay?” He kneels down to inspect where Harry still has his hand pressed against his head.

“Oh! Yeah, I’m fine.”

“My name’s Louis. Can I buy you dinner or something to make up for hitting you in the head?”

Harry crinkles his eyebrows. “Me?”

Louis chuckles. “Yes, you. If you’d like?”

“Yeah. That would be nice.” Harry smiles so that his dimples show. “I’m Harry.”

“Harry, it's a date, then." Louis grins.

An extended scene of the beginning of the movie Grease as a larry au

people fall in love in mysterious ways (maybe just the touch of a hand) by @vintageumbroshirt / 28sunflowers, @justalarryblog / Bekita, @bluecolouredlou , @beelou / cherrylarry, @thedevilinmybrain / devilinmybrain, @hershelsue / docklands, @foreverfanficaddict,@idolizingthelight / idolizingthelightt, @inlockets / loveroflou, @perfectdagger, @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same

[Louis/Harry, 13k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

Set in a world where meeting your soulmate causes a literal spark, Louis Tomlinson has no time for fate. He knows all too well the heartbreak that having a soulmate can bring and he'd rather avoid the whole affair. But, when a chance meeting with up-and-coming popstar, Harry Styles, causes the biggest electrical surge the world has ever seen, Louis must confront the truth that sometimes destiny knocks when you least expect it.

Somehow, Someway by @zanniscaramouche

[Louis/Harry, 16k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

Louis Tomlinson has everything all figured out for a smooth post-graduation sailing into the perfect career in the music industry. A canceled class, a high school play, and a disarming set of dimples were not part of the plan. (Especially when they belong to a boy wearing someone else’s jacket.)

Featuring: A punk with the worst timed crush in history, that moody art kid that never shares cigarettes, the cutest pastel-pink wearing boy on the planet, and his unfortunately nice bottle-blond jock of a boyfriend.

Forts & Fortunes by @neondiamond

[Louis/Harry, 2k, General, tumblr post]

It’s finals week at uni and Harry is struggling to find a healthy balance between studying and tending to his needs. Lucky for him, Louis is there to help him out with that.

One way to reduce tension by @neondiamond

[Harry/Louis, 1k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Harry knows of a few ways to help Louis get rid of some pent up stress…

We Got a Call by @greenblueish / bluegreenish

[Louis/Harry, 24k, Mature, tumblr post]

“Fisher from St Peter hospital, hello. Is this Mr Tomlinson?”

Louis’ eyebrows furrow in concern. Why is the hospital calling him? Has someone he knows been in an accident? “Uh, yes?”

“Great. Your results are in. Congratulations, you’re pregnant!”

“Pregnant?” he chokes, the word almost getting caught in his throat.

“Yes, without doubt,” the woman from the hospital confirms, her voice neutral but somehow chirpy. “I recommend promptly booking an appointment with your ob/gyn to discuss how to proceed.”

"I...Yeah, I’ll talk to my … partner.”

or, the one where Louis and Harry Tomlinson are married and Louis accepts a phone call that was definitely meant for his husband.

How Long Will We Fall (Before We Can Climb) by 4ureyesonly28 / @evilovesyou

[Louis/Harry, 860 words, General, tumblr post]

Louis' faith in Harry is unbreakable. When they get caught kissing and he is thrown out of his home forever, he has to learn to have faith in himself.

Rope, Leather and Lipstick by 4ureyesonly28 / @evilovesyou

[Louis/Harry, 552 words, Mature, tumblr post]

Something about ropes around wrists, and tinting skin the colour of strawberry ice cream, tender and kissed by dark lips. Smudging sticky red lipstick across the slight blue shadow of veins, and assuring hands tightening knots.

Lies & Liability by 4ureyesonly28 / @evilovesyou

[Louis/Harry, 34k, Mature, tumblr post]

Harry Styles has only three wishes when he leaves River Dane Manor to go to Town for his first season: that his sister has rented a townhouse that will provide him as many of the comforts of the country life he has grown accustomed to as possible, that he will not trip and fall when he is presented to Her Majesty the Queen, and that he will enter matrimony out of true love, no matter how favourable the match with any which alpha may be.

Sugar at Night by @brightgolden

[Harry/Louis, 33k, Explicit, tumblr post]

With a year left before he completes his degree, a wonderful fiancé, and a baby coming soon, life is going exceptionally well for Harry Styles.

But, the truth always has a way to unravel itself, doesn’t it?

So, what do you do when the person you fell in love with is not the person you thought they were?

I got myself in a mess (and without you I'm in more) by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same

[Zayn/Liam, 9k, Mature, tumblr post]

It’s not desire that has his synapses firing. It’s not the urge to jump him that makes him feel jittery.

It’s the fact that everything about this man - a nice, unassuming guy on Tinder, who studied IT and who seemed like a safe choice - screams danger. It’s the fact that Zayn has been absently touching his necklace for what feels like half the night now.

The necklace. Thank God for Lou, honestly. He’d laughed a bit, at first, when Louis had given it to him, when he’d explained all about the app that it was connected to, the emergency contacts that would be notified and sent his exact location “if you just double tap the back of the charm, see” because Louis was that friend, the mom friend, but right now? Right now Zayn will gladly take the gentle ribbing from Louis if it means he won’t have to spend another moment with this guy.

I don't care if the world knows by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same

[Louis/Harry, 6k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

Harry is fourteen when she buys her first binder. She’s been doing cosplay videos on Tiktok for a while at that point, and it seems like the logical choice. Not that there’s anything wrong with cosplaying characters of the opposite gender and not wanting to fully look like them, she’s seen plenty of wonderful creators put their own spin on characters in a way that transcends the source material, but when it comes to her own cosplays -

She just likes it to be accurate.

She likes her chest to be flat, not soft and curvy, when she’s wearing her Crowley cosplay, or when she’s transformed herself into Loki.

It’s all about the aesthetics.

∞

Over the course of a few years, Harry explores and comes to terms with gender identity.

It’s Probably Because I’ve Got a Big Lesbian Crush on You by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright

[Louis/Harry, 6k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

Harry's never really concerned herself with being part of the popular crowd. But as the new girl in school the second semester of her junior year, she finds herself unwittingly competing for Queen Bee status against high school royalty Louis Tomlinson. Maybe there's more to their rivalry than it seems.

A not-quite-Mean Girls AU

Going Green (so fucking green) by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright

[Louis/Harry, 5k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Harry just really loves being used, and Louis really loves Harry. Who is he to deny him?

Or: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle but make it BDSM

the next bit was spanners to my plan by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

[Louis/Nick Grimshaw, 6k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

The first time was an accident. The second time was an accident too.

Or: Louis and Nick end up shagging on the sly, everyone sends far too many emojis and far too few words, and eventually they're going to have to sort themselves out.

Trust Me Tonight by @vintageumbroshirt / 28sunflowers

[Louis/Harry, 10k, Explicit, tumblr post]

After Harry’s eighteenth birthday, his father calls him into a meeting to say that he is to be married to Prince Louis of France in just over a week.

Harry is excited, of course. The arrangement is better than any he could’ve hoped for, with such a young, handsome and kind husband.

There is just one issue: Harry doesn’t know what happens on his nuptials, or how to get pregnant to give Louis the heir that he needs.

Can we make it any more obvious? by LouStylesHTommo / @smolhilariousbeans

[Louis/Harry, 6k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Five times the boys accidentally walked in on Harry & Louis plus one time they did it on purpose.

Aka Niall, Zayn, Liam being supportive of Lou&H sexy shenanigans.

darling just dive right in by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same

[Zayn/Louis, 5k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

Louis can’t think of a worse place to be than at the Malik estate, attending his ex boyfriend's wedding.

Shining just for you by ThoseFookin_Avacados / @hlhome28

[Harry/Louis, 1k, General, tumblr post]

For a clumsy person, Harry danced with quite the grace- spinning around Louis, billowy light robes brushing against his firm darker ones. Despite his slightly smaller build, Louis was decivingly strong, his grip on Harry's waist tight as they performed their steps in sync. Like two opposite halves of a whole, like ones reflection in the mirror, like the sun and the moon.

Part 2 of the Prompt Generator series

crown me with your heart (your love is king) by @perfectdagger

[Louis/Harry, 41k, General, tumblr post]

The universe must’ve had a field day when it decided to plan Harry’s life. There was no plausible explanation for anything that happened in his life anymore. Try as he may, he would never be able to control his life nor predict what would happen next. What were the odds that the one person he was sure he had fallen in love with but had completely let him slip out of his life, already resigned to the fact nothing could ever evolve between them due to Harry’s future with Eroda, happened to be the same person who had Harry’s future in his hand?

A The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Wedding au in which Harry is the Crown Prince of the small island of Eroda and Louis’ uncle is trying to take the throne from him, with a slight a/b/o twist and some more.

#trackinghappily #1dsource #tracksintheam #trackinghome #28th appreciation #july 2021 #one direction fan fic

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erithel · 3 years

Note

Keith is my favorite character. I love him very dearly and will probably for a very long time. His character helped my creativity and writing soar. But. I came to realize that the show miss used him greatly. I hated how they potrayed him in season three, and I feel like the writers lost track of what they wanted for him. It felt like a game of sloppy tug of war between Keith growing and the writers throwing him hack to his season one mannerisms. A lot of the love I have for him came from his grit and determination even though it really felt like he was just used for cool fight scenes at times. I was wondering what you thought of how they handled Keith and if they should have allowed him to stay on the team opposed to being basically absent from season 4 through 6.

Also I'm sorry if you've answered something like this before! I tried to go back pretty far but I'm sure I missed something.

( btw. Love your work and your fics break me everytime. But in a good way xD)

I've definitely talked about Keith's character before but yeah...I'm not even gonna take the time to try to find it lol.

Honestly, it's actually a little hard sometimes for me to accurately and objectively talk about him – because he's the character I most identify with (overall, not just in VLD) – so I have to remember what is actually canon vs what I'm projecting.

But I will say this. I know he wasn't supposed to leave originally. He had to leave so they could make room for Shiro to be leader again. And that does make things messy. That lets things be forgotten and overlooked (*cough* Naxzella).

You're right. It was sloppy, because they knew they needed to get Keith back on the team for the end of the show, buuuuut they didn't have a solid, logical plan for how that was going to happen. That's why we got the literal representation of "hey everybody, Keith's back" because it felt like they didn't know what else to do. He was just back – and miraculously he had grown as a character somewhere off screen so he could fit into the role they needed him to be in.

On the one hand, I wish he'd stayed with the team and grown alongside them. I wish we'd seen him grow into the leader he was supposed to be.

On the other hand, I love the angst his absence brought. I love that Lance was visibly lost and sad without him. I love that Keith left on (lets be honest) bad terms, and then only went on to act more and more recklessly.

I love that this was the expression they chose to give him as he was walking away from the team:

Because he was smiling at them a second before. Because they were all very quick to accept that he was leaving. Because this is the face of someone who has realized that the people he considered the closest thing to family were just as ready to set him aside as (I'm assuming) whatever foster families he'd had growing up.

BUT as much as it sucks (and believe me it sucks), the things VLD got wrong are exactly the things that can spark and incentivize our own creativity.

Because we know how painful it is to leave loose ends. We know how important character growth and character arcs are. We understand how vital it is to address trauma and insecurities.

To answer your question… if I could go back and write it my own way, I would have had him stay. I would have had someone – or everyone – stop him, or go after him. Because watching him walk away with this face was heartbreaking. And watching this moment never be addressed was even more so. Thank you so much, btw! I'm so glad you like my fics and art. And questions and comments like this help me grow as a writer. :)

#asks #keith kogane #vld #erithel's hot takes

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retvenkos · 3 years

Note

not asking you who you'd ship me with in the grishaverse because at this point everyone on tumblr knows the answer to that probably (though any chance of getting more of your wonderfully divine headcanons about matthias & I is a chance I gleefully take), but since you are shipping everyone I have to tell you that I've been thinking about Mal & you together for a little while. I just see it so clearly??

I think you'd have a relationship quite like Alina and Mal's, except healthier and less dramatic lol. but Mal is the epitome of friends to lovers and to me you embody exactly that. you're not the unbridled fury that enemies to lovers can be nor the bittersweet inevitability of soulmates, but really this idea of familiarity and comfort that you only unlock after spending a lot of time with a person, probably in childhood. Mal would represent exactly that to you: home, family, and love, and you're not really sure how or when you realize that it's not the same love you used to feel at Keramzin, that your feelings have shifted in the most terrifying yet beautiful way, but they have.

so in this scenario if you are Grisha, you get tested and your powers found out and you get sent to the Little Palace and your goodbyes with Mal are probably the most tearful moment Ravka has ever seen. You're holding on to Mal for dear life because he's really your family and you don't want to leave him behind, they're taking you to an unknown place without him, and you're so scared - but Mal tries to hold it all together because he has to be strong for you, and promises he will write to you every day and you will never truly be separated because he'll find you when he's older and strong.

(as soon as the carriage leaves he locks himself in the dormitory and cries all evening on his bed because your absence is so loud in these silent halls)

Inevitably years pass as you continue your training and Mal's letters become more scarce - sometimes you're the one who forgets to reply for a whole month, sometimes it's him - until you're not in touch anymore but you don't forget him, you never do, and you dream of him so often and all the words you wish you could tell him but never got the courage to

Until one day, almost a decade later, he is received at the Grand Palace for a particularly triumphant feat of his (Mal, always the hero) and the King wants to meet the First army soldier everyone is talking about, and you happen to run into him as he's trying to find his way to the audience room (because how stupidly huge are these Os Alta palaces, really?) And you literally can't believe your eyes.

so you'd be getting the childhood friends to lovers reunited after losing contact for many years which is TOP TIER romance

and Mal has changed obviously but not so much, and so have you; and he's taken aback by your beauty in your purple Kefta, and suddenly all the petty and insulting stereotypes about the Second Army he used to joke about with his regiment friends leave his mind because Saints - who needs a Sun Summoner when you're glowing like all the stars in the sky?

you'd quickly fall back into your common habits because they never left you, they're second nature at this point - Mal has basically forged your personality from the youngest age and you have his, and you fit together so perfectly

he'd be assigned to a more permanent post in Os Alta thanks to his prowesses in battle, maybe as the King's personal guard, meaning you'd get to spend so much time together

People would raise eyebrows at the sight of a couple between the two rival armies, but you don't care one bit - your love for Mal runs in your blood much deeper than arbitrary oppositions based on foolish pride.

If you're not Grisha, I don't think you'd join the First Army; war is probably not for you. I think your paths would separate too when he joins the Army and you leave the orphanage with what little money you saved over the years (sneaking out of Keramzin and reciting or singing your poems on the streets for a little bit of coin, or selling the meat and fur Mal would hunt for you) to move to a bigger city and try to do something with your life. You could be an artisan, or another kind of shopkeep! I can see you being manually gifted and creative, so you'd probably have an artsy business in the capital, like pottery or tapestry or painting on porcelain or something of the sort

and once again Mal is called to Os Alta probably for the same reasons - he just can't help distinguishing himself in combat, can he? - and he steps into your shop by total chance, and he's like. Olive???? Since when do you do sculptures???? And you're like. Malyen Oretsev???? Since when are you taller than me????

(Though the sculpture part doesn't surprise him that much, because you were always so creative and gifted in the arts, and he's always admired you so much for it.)

(But the TALL part??? ok, you are short, but you left him when he was like, thirteen and he was Not That Tall. how can your forever friend have grown that tall so fast???)

And so you ALSO get the long-lost childhood friends rekindle and fall back in love trope because my heart goes mushy for it ❤

your dynamic would be on point, because Mal knows you better than anyone and so he can read you like an open book. Either when he needs to find the teasing comment that will get you all riled up, or when he senses your discomfort or sadness and has to find the words to cheer you up.

You'd just make so many sweet memories with Mal, and he'd be down for every single thing you want to do as long as he gets to spend time with you. Want to be rambunctious on the streets of Os Alta and pull pranks on passerbys like you are 8 again? Yep, can totally do that. Feel like breathing in the fresh air of the wilderness and getting out of town to see a beautiful sunset, like you would in Keramzin? Of course! Just want to chill together doing your own thing and relishing in each other's presence? Absolutely.

he loves when you read to him, whether that be a book you own or a story straight from your imagination that you just wrote, and he's absolutely mesmerized by your voice and how much emotion you put in it. (though he can't help himself from making little jokes every now and then or trying to guess what will happen next in the story because he's what my mom calls a Culo Inquieto™)

you'd generally be such a cute couple who never lost that mischievous but oh so comforting and familiar spark from when you were kids, and is willing to stay with the other through thick and thin. you've found your other half in each other and I'm so soft for that. 💜💜

sorry I rambled but I just think that idea is so cute and you deserve a ship! (also, don't even get me started on the Chaos BFF Duo you would make with Jesper...) my head is killing me so I won't write any more but just know I hold this ship in extremely high regard. <3

clara, i will have you know i waited until i got ice cream in order to read this, because i knew it would be an experience™ and now, i,,, 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i'm so goddamn soft, how dare you make me yearn????

you mean to tell me you came up with all of this... for me? you think of ships for me??? how—how dare? how dare you be such a good friend, to the point where i am baffled by your kindness??? how dare you be this thoughtful and poetic,,,,,,, and just, big brained, ma'am.

because all of this is so perfect!!!! ohmygod i'm soft. i'm in love. everytime you write a ship or fanfic, i sincerely wish i was a romantic like you so i could have a proclivity toward fathoming such soft romantic scenes,,,,, you, clara, know how to do a ship™.

(also, i have to say i love the childhood friends torn apart, only to come back together,,,, it has laughter lines by bastille energy,,,, listen to this song and tell me it doesn’t have the same vibes that that very specific and heartwarming trope,,,)

but, since you gave me such a beautiful gift, and since i would do anything for you, here are some more headcanons for you and matthias:

first of all, i think that you and matthias would spend a lot of time finding the beauty in small things. i think that it would be good for him, since he’s reevaluating who he is and his place in this grand world, and i think since you’re a romantic, small things would be important to you both.

— for example, you guys definitely star gaze together. it’s hard, since you are in ketterdam and the smoke is impossible to see through, but maybe you guys leave ketterdam for a while, and you spend a lot of time looking up at the stars. matthias loves to learn about everything you know, and repositioning himself underneath the sky is a good start to figuring out who he is.

— you also like to sit by the water and talk. there’s something about the water that pulls memories from you both. matthias talks about what it was like, far away, in his little village before the drüskelle. (i get the feeling his dad was a fisherman or something,,,, the vibes are there), and you get to talk about people you once knew, dreams you once had. point is, you do a lot of talking - swapping stories and hopes.

— oh! another idea i can’t get out if my head is that matthias asks you so many questions. i feel like it’s a sign of real love and trust, when matthias starts asking you questions, because you have to be like,,, level 50 in order for matthias to admit weaknesses, and one of his biggest is that there’s so much he just doesn’t know. i think you also get really good at just,,,, telling him stuff so that he doesn’t have to ask, and he really just appreciates it.

i also just love the idea of matthias giving you to strongest hugs, or tbh, just holding you, and it’s all because he’s the big, strong one™! you know he’s got a protector complex, so that kind of feeds into his hugs,,, just that intense need to protect you, but also, he’s deathly terrified of losing another person he cares about, so he clings. (but only when you’re alone. the drüskelle in him is too Proud, but if you hang onto him in public,,,, he’s not complaining, just getting used to it)

okay, but i got a little bit ahead of myself, because i didn’t even talk about when you guys first meet, and the whole dynamic that is that™

— so, clearly, you are bffs with nina, whether your a grisha or not, and since i want fluff oNLY we’re just going to pretend like helnik didn’t happen,,,,,, they’re just friends. anyway, she’s the first one to pick up on your feelings for matthias because a) heartrender, and b) you two are the best of friends, and she just knows.

— and so you know a lot of teasing ensues, and almost everyone gets in on it and constantly makes jokes about you and matthias,,,, sometimes while he’s right. there. you’re Mortified But Coping™ and you can’t imagine what is going on through matthias’ head, because there’s no way he can feel the same, right?

— wRONG, we’re all idiots when we’re in love, and no one is more of an idiot than matthias. he is definitely ~soft~ for you but refuses to let it show because (1) the dregs are crass and he doesn’t want to give them fodder, and (2) you seem very uncomfortable about this whole thing, and he doesn’t want to make it worse

after some time, the teasing dies down, because both of you are too boring to tease. it would be funny if one of you freaked out, but you’re just,,,, suffering in silence. boring. and besides, inej and kaz are way more funny to tease. have you seen the murder in both of their eyes whenever you mention anything??? scary, but golden.

for the most part, the jokes die off, and i think after the jokes stop, you and matthias become much more comfortable with one another, and it leads to so! many! good! moments!

— did i ever tell you matthias is in love with your stupid humor? your enchanting laughter? you’re so infectiously light and it makes him feel like he’s walking on clouds or something,,,,, he’s enchanted by you, but doesn’t have the words to explain it.

— you know he remembers all of the little things his dad used to say about his mom,,,, and he feels all of that awed respect and soft warmth for you, but what to do with it???? he can’t really remember what his parents would do - it’s been so long and cold without them, but he tries to remember, and it’s the little things he does. he’ll tell you something really sweet in fjerdan and you’re just like ??? but it doesn’t translate super well, so you’re just left with the way he said it, and it means the world (plus, if you really get the courage, you can ask nina to explain it,,,, fair warning though, she scoffs at it every time. because it’s fjerda, alright?)

— you definitely end up reading him some poetry. it’s all under the guise of him ‘learning about the beauty in other cultures’ but really, it’s just an excuse to read him romantic shu poetry (they really know how to do it, let me tell you). and you also end up telling him stories about your childhood and your life, and he finds your rambling so adorable. especially since he has seen your work on paper! he finds it so sweet that your mind is so full of life that it wants to go everywhere at once, and experience every possible detail.

— you definitely end up showing matthias his way around ketterdam, and he keeps all of your hastily drawn maps, and whenever he goes past a street corner, he remembers the way your eyes sparkled in the light of the streetlamps.

i definitely have the feeling that you confess your feelings first. matthias has been trying to get the courage to do it, but he just can’t, and one day you tell him late at night - when, for just a moment, the world is still and quiet, and you can’t hold in all that warmth in your chest. you’re a little shy about it, but so is he, and when he hears you confess, all he can do is smile, because you have all of the confidence and strength he wishes he had. and all that courage laced in his chest, he’s learned it from you.

that’s ll i got for now, but i believe in clara x matthais supremacy.

#asks #mutuals #clara — 🌙#long post #shipped #let me just reread this ship every day for the next millenia thanks

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