#IM SO SICK THIS EVIL WOMAN IS EVERYWHERE

[lovemails]

alright can we wrap this shit up already

#*🐥* #IM SO SICK THIS EVIL WOMAN IS EVERYWHERE

[destructive-path]

Once More Into The Breach - E.W.

summary- you take a risk and put your life in hands that always seem to find their way around your neck.

pairing- raider!ellie x runaway!reader

tags- raider!ellie, runaway!reader,blood,swearing, mentions of non con (nothing crazy), ellie is sick in the head tbh, reader injury, choking,,,,

a/n- I just KNOW Ellie stays strapped w that big ass backback on 24/7! its the only thing she probably consistently wash too tf! anyway….i need Ellie bad in this. this will be a 3 part series! Im a SLOW (bear w me) writer but I will be updating as i go :) but yea no smut in this but there will be in future chapters!

A cacophony of natures most unruly attributes fill your senses. Breaths last life clinging onto nothing but the small bursts of air that invade your lungs with each stomp of your feet on the forest mud. You are running for your life.

The defensive nature of your stature discarded miles ago, you welcome the obstacles that stand in your way. No longer concerned with the “safe” way of maneuvering. You can feel it all as you sprint through the forest. The leaves that smack your skin, doused in rain furthering the sting you feel upon impact. The rain. The heavy, pouring rain muddying your shoes and slowing motive by the second. Blood. Its everywhere. In your mouth, pumping through your ears, dripping down your temples and seeping through new scars superimposed over your old ones. Still you keep running.

“I HEAR YOU.”

Her voice is taunting, shouting threats in a way that renders so playful it’s frightening. She enjoys this. You saw it in her eyes, back when her face was lit up by nothing but the torches of her equally evil posse.

***

You knew coming here was a mistake, but you had no where else to go. You had heard there was paradise on the other side of the forest. Paradise in which you sought out so desperately. Rumors and whispers of a safe haven flooded your ears and tipped over the over the overflowing pool of curiosity inside of you.

Curiosity soon morphed into determination which morphed into a plan. A plan to get to the destination that plagued your thoughts and dreams to no avail. Upon studying your plot further, you discovered that dangerous territory was to be explored if you wanted to reach paradise. A nasty threshold was to be crossed and it brought fear to the deepest parts of you. You remembered what someone told you once, something along the lines of, ”before the rainbow there was the storm.” And storm it did.

The increasing wetness on your body mixed with undying wind caused you to shiver. To be fair you were already quaking with fear, the weather no help to your cause. You had been pushed to your knees with your hands splayed out in front of you, weapons at the ready in case you decide to flee. A loud masculine voice booms in your ear clashing with the sounds of the storm.

“Keep your hands in front of you, or I swear to god I’ll fucking shoot you right here.”

The thought of losing your pathetic little life makes you wince in fear. Shoulders tighten and lock up so that not even the wind could shake you from your current position. The weight of your backpack helps with this process, making you grateful for any help in this moment. Now the only thing that shivers is your head, thoughts of perishing this way bouncing around your skull keeping you remaining completely still.

“Relax yourself soldier, they’re already on their knees.”

This voice is a new one. A woman. You don’t dare to look, too afraid of the scene in front of you. A group of bloodthirsty eyes all pointed in your direction is a sight that will haunt you forever, if you somehow make it out these woods. The hint of mercy that comes from the mystery woman’s lips makes you feel incipient hope. Surely if a woman could give a command, to no retaliation from a man, then the woman had to be in a place of authority. You thought that maybe she would continue to grace you with more mercy. Maybe she would spare your life.

Refusing to break your unwavering stare at the dirt in front of you, a pair of dirty converse enter your field of vision. They step closer and closer until finally the sight of a blue button up clad body crouches in front of you, interrupting your view of the ground. A body sort of small in stature, one you could only think belonged to the woman that showed you a small kindness. You are far too scared to make eye contact. Any movement coming from you was purely involuntary and completely fear induced. You couldn’t lift your head if you tried, undoubtedly frozen in submission.

A tattooed forearm snaps you back to reality. Connected to a hand that has risen from its resting place on the womans knee, to the under side of your chin. Two finger tips under your jaw raise your head slowly to meet the gaze of the woman in front of you. The look on her face is not at all what you were expecting.

Theres something about her eyes….

No. Her mouth. A quivering grin adorns her lips that oozes sinister. It appears as if she wants to smile wide at the sight of you, but her mouth fights in retaliation to let it show. So she beams elation with her eyes. Somehow they are simultaneously dark and wide. Simply put, crazy eyes pierce into you peeling away at what little courage you had left. Her fingers stroke your jaw lightly before falling to her sides.

“You’re shaking you poor thing.”

Theres not an ounce of sympathy that leaves her lips. Its amusement. You can tell the woman in front of you relishes at the sight of you cowering in fear. You dig deep to find whatever sliver of bravery you had left to speak up.

“S-soldier? What kind of army kills innocent people in the middle of the woods?”

You whisper shakily, cold and afraid that that even speaking would seal your fate. Finally a small, but prominent grin forms at the corner of her lips.

“Mmm” She nods. “You’re right. He’s not a soldier, we aren’t an army, and i’m not going to kill you.”

You look at her with curiosity painted on your face. She inches close enough to whisper in your ear, staring out into the forest behind you.

“First, Im going to play with you. If you win, you get to keep your life. If not, then I’ll kill you.”

Any semblance of hope had been officially snuffed out. You cant help but begin to cry. The woman’s face retracts slightly and looks at you feigning pity.

“Shh sh sh shhhh. Don’t cry? You don’t even know the rules of the game yet.”

It’s no use, whatever twisted plot she had in mind would be the death of you. You had lost all strength and the reason to keep fighting was nowhere in sight. You sob a little harder.

“I cant tell you the rules if you don’t quit the god damn crying.”

Your hands clench together collecting a fist full of mud. The pretend sympathy tone discarded for a moment, her commands are stern, threatening. The feeling of the earth in your palms and seeping through your fingers ground you slightly, however you shake harder due to her proximity and harsh demands. After a few measured breaths you find it in you to calm down enough for your sobs to dwindle into an occasional sniffle. Your neck strains fighting off the need to scream.

“Good.” She smooths her hands over her worn, torn, and faded blue jeans. A half grunt half sigh leaves her lips as she uses her knees to reposition to a stand.

“Heres whats going to happen. You’re going to run as fast as you can into these woods, and i’m going to try and catch you. Ill give you a head start obviously, because i’m not totally unfair. But you are literally running for your life so, run fast will you? Let’s make this interesting.”

A light scoff leaves your lips before you can bring yourself to stop it. Everything about this situation seemed totally unfair. She was about to hunt you for sport.

“How do I win?”

Your question comes as a surprise to the woman. Normally any another person would’ve taken off immediately after hearing the rules of her twisted game, seeking out as much time to get away from her before imminent death. A grin forms on her lips as a result of your determination to stay alive.

“You…my poor thing, win if you make it out of these woods. If you hide long enough, I’ll give up and let you go. I will warn you, its never come to that.”

She takes a step closer to you.

“Stand up.”

The pretend sympathetic tone leaves her voice once more at her command. You lean forward in order to unfold your knees from under you using the ground as leverage to stand. The ache of your knees extremely prominent as you straighten your body, you ignore it. It doesn’t matter now. It cant. Any pain that your body suffers was unimportant, you had to endure it all in order to survive.

Once you stand as tall as possible you realize your fists are still full of dirt at the unrelenting grasp you still had there. Your chin is lowered in fear of meeting the woman’s bloodthirsty gaze, afraid the look in her eyes would suck any will to fight out of your system. A few heavy breaths leave you while you do your best to calm yourself and enter the mind of a worthy opponent to her game. However your semi regulated breathing is interrupted once she raises her hand and slithers it around your throat.

Everything in you tenses. At first her touch is light, observant almost. She traces her finger over your pulse like it’s precious to her. A fire she cant wait to put out. Then her fingers strain and engulf your neck with a single hand, she pulls you close. So close that your ear is millimeters away from her lips. A tiny gasp escapes you at the tenderness of it all. You know she wants you dead, so why does she touch you like shes about to make love to you? The thought makes you shiver. Maybe she would, everything was already so fucked it wouldn’t surprise you if she had her way with you before she eventually slit your throat. That was the raider way.

Before you can add anymore weight to that possibility your thoughts were interrupted be the warm tickle of a word leaving the woman’s lips. One word.

“Run.”

Your hips are the first thing to move. A spin of your body sparks the shuffle of your feet that triggers your sprint into the trees behind you. The last thing to move are your arms, in attempt to phase the woman, you toss the dirt grasped in your hand in her face at a speed that renders her blind for a moment. Then you take off as fast as you can in hopes she doesn’t see what direction you run towards. A risky move, but one that works.

You hear the woman scream a pitched “SHIT!” at your diversion. Then it’s followed by a laugh. Her own laughter. It builds in an evil sort of way. Villainously. Amused by your deterrent and impressed by your resourcefulness, the woman shouts a praise that echoes through the forest, voice bouncing off the barks of trees that surround you.

“YOU’RE A TRICKY ONE AREN’T YOU? IM GOING TO ENJOY PLAYING WITH YOU.”

***

You cant remember how long you had been running but you wouldn’t dare stop. Searing pain courses through your body but still, you don’t stop. You haven’t heard many signs that the woman was on your tail so you thought that maybe you could make it out alive. That is until your left arm catches on a low hanging branch, rendering you incapacitated for a moment.

The branch must have snapped due to the storm, due to its broken nature it left behind something similar to a sharp spear/hook. The end of the branch pierces your arm in away that halts your running. Its hooks deep in your arm, the speed of your sprinting making you pull the wound open further before fully realizing you had been injured. Your right hand flies to your mouth, eyes grow wide as you fight the urge to scream in agony.

It doesn’t work fully. You muffle your sounds as much as you can but its no use. The pain is too much. You breathe with an extreme intensity, whimpering and grunting at the sight of fresh blood pouring out of you. The branch is still intact with your arm. You need to move. You take on last deep breath before removing your hand from your mouth and begin breathing through a pinhole formed between your lips. The shake of your head increases the closer your free hand gets to your arm. When you finally reach it, you place your hand on your elbow and breathe in deep. You needed to do this fast, if you retracted your arm slowly you would definitely scream.

The grip on your elbow tightens then you push up with your right hand, hard. The pain is similar to a bullet wound. It’s a sharp pain coursing through you. You keel forward at the feeling, biting your bicep to keep from shouting. You hold your arm for a moment before realizing bleeding out would leave a trail. So you take your right hand and reach around into your backpack and grab the last amount of gauze you had left.

Once you retrieve the material you hold it up to your arm and brace yourself for impact. You cant find it in you to suppress your extreme painfully induced shaking. You inhale once more before forming a thin line at your lips and begin to wrap your fresh wound. You whine at the feeling. It’s unlike any physical pain you had ever felt. Unenthusiastic to endure this for much longer, you quickly wrap the rest of your gauze and secure it with a small bow on the underside of your forearm.

Before you can close your backpack and begin running, a twig snaps behind you sending you running. Two measly steps is all that you can muster before you trip on a branch and fall to the ground. Contents of your backpack spill out infront of you. Fuck. fuckfuckfuck. You need to get it together. You cant stop now or you were dead.

“I found you.”

A familiar voice rings in your ears bringing a familiar terror that floods your senses. She found you and she was going to kill you. Her words from earlier haunt your brain. You cant move, frozen in place as she begins to make way towards you.

“My poor thing, are you hurt?”

The crunch of each step she makes rings louder and louder until finally an unmistakable step is placed right next to your ear. Face still close to the ground, you can smell the fresh wet dirt as the woman crouches next to you.

“What all this?” She questions observing the array of your items sprawled out on the forrest floor. As she collects your items you notice a particular one (that is favorite to you) had left the safety of your backpack. In fear that she might take it, this one possession you hold so dear, you speak up as she clutches the item in her grasp.

“Please. Dont take that.” You can barely rasp at a volume she can hear. She takes the item in for a moment holding it delicately in both hands.

“Where did you get this?” She asks, focused on the clearly damaged vinyl. It’s an old, dirty little thing now, but when you first found it the condition was mint.

It reads, ‘The Sick Habit’ in a scratchy font. A picture of the bands silhouettes artfully portrayed in white centers the cover with a faded shade of black decorating its background. Splotchy due to water damage from you keeping it in your backpack. The contrast of her fingers on its surface stands out to you. Fully aware of this precious item in her hands, the mere thought of the music you found so comforting passing onto another made your skin crawl.

The nature of this situation prevents you from answering her question. Now that she had found you , what was the point in engaging in trivial matters. You had no need to reminisce on memories that would soon be lost to nothingness. So you resort to silence.

For a moment the woman doesn’t notice your reluctance to speak. To your surprise she’s completely entranced by the vinyl. She crouches in a way so that one hand supports the record’s weight and the other explores its surface with a delicate touch of her finger tips. You watch as she traces its lettering, then swipes its cover with a slow drag of her palm. It’s nurturing, appreciative of its existence. Your gaze lifts to her face which renders you breathless for a moment. She sports a look entirely different from her usual demeanor. Its humanizing almost, a stark contrast to the evil persona shes put forward. The way her face twitches in excitement as she observes further, makes you become almost certain this a vinyl she had seen before. Maybe even one she listened to and liked herself.

“Strange.” You mutter, still wrapped up in the sight of her. Confused on how it was possible for someone like that to share something in common with you. Before you realize you had spoken aloud, the woman snaps out of her trance at the sound of your voice. Her eyes meet yours and you can tell something has changed. Her brows knit and breath doubles at the sight of you. Pink lips begin to part, formulating a sentence, but before she can speak a voice booms throughout the trees.

“ELLIE?”

A mans voice. An aggressive one. You look around for a moment making sure its source wasn’t near. Your eyes widen and your body begins to adjust, kicking into flight mode. However before you can move more than an inch a sharp slap at your neck causes you to freeze. The woman has a stone cold grip on you there now, vinyl no where to be seen. Now all you can look at is her in the eyes.

“ELLIE WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?”

Another voice, louder than the last. It vibrates through you making you shake, yet you cant move much due to her hand around your throat. The warmth of her palm on your neck radiates through you. The air had been sucked out of you completely leaving you speechless with nothing but a sad look of plead to use on the woman at your disposal. Her eyes lack the same sense of evil from before. This was something else entirely. Her pupils dash back and forth at both of your eyes reading your unspoken, but clearly communicated begs for mercy. The grip on your neck tightens slightly for a moment as you notice the rising of her freehand. You tense at the action, afraid of what she has in store. Too afraid to look away you watch has her free hand slowly shifts into a fist formation with her pointer finger left extended.

“ELLIE!”

Another shout echoes loud, but this time you remain un phased as you watch the woman bring her pointer finger to her lips and breathe out a shaky “Shhhhhhhh.” Theres still that same craze in her eyes except now it’s smaller, replaced with something more cautious. Her hands relax and withdraw from their grip on you as the screams get louder. The eye contact you both share now is a contract of agreement. You were to stay silent and she wouldn’t hurt you. For now that was enough to keep you alive, so for now you obeyed. Not that you would rebel anyway, avoiding the angry men was in your best interest.

“ELLIE FOR FUCKS SAKE. YOU BETTER NOT BE FUCKING AROUND.”

This shout was too close for comfort, snapping you out of your focus on the woman’s eyes. You observe the forest for a moment, checking your surroundings for any sign that you might perish. As you turn your head back to the woman you see the figure of black shadow flying towards your direction before it slams against your skull.

Your vision fades to black and the last thing you see is her.

Before you can completely go numb to your senses your ears fill with loud remarks of one thing. An almost chant like repetition of what you could only assume was the woman’s name due to her ignoring its call.

“ELLIE?”

“ELLIE WHERE ARE YOU?”

“ELLIE?”

“ELLIE ARE YOU OUT THERE?”

“ELLIE.”

“ELLIE?”

“ELLIE!”

It builds louder and louder until finally your ears surrender to silence. The only thing that can leave you during your remaining seconds of consciousness is a pathetic whine of the name-

“Ellie.”

as you become completely numb.

Ellie.

Ellie..

Ellie….

…………

#ellie the last of us #ellie williams #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie x you #the last of us #tlou2 #tlou #ellie tlou #ellie williams fic #wlw #lesbian

[solardick]

U I O

Mommy, I’m afraid. I’ve never said mommy before. I don’t want to go. Through another change. I don’t know anyone here. Everyone’s French. I’m always singled out. But- I don’t want to go.

God damned man. Yes, yes I am. Thanks for noticing. It’s rare in fleeting moments to see that from a passing stranger.

Everything is evil. There’s nothing in life for me.

Oh wait. There already is another girl. Lol. Like a transition girl. I liked the way she talked. Redhead. Which was already brought up a couple times. The forst time. I was like what? Why would i care? No whatevwr. Privably druged that coffee today. Hopenit doesnt keep me up all night. Sleep is the onyl time the world stops and there nothing. Intil i opne them again.

Maybe ho bsck to art instead of watching everyone in existsnce pretend to be someone they ate not. No human interaction at all. Since all my availibale social means arent very trustworthy are they.

And honestly. I dotn like redhead dna. Oh my god im - racist. Time ti take anothwr beating.

Naw man, i may look all sexy and manly and all. And i may look all smart and all to everyones spite. But now. Im actually just sma fully receptive woman. I have no cock. Im net here to f@&$. Im here to be fuckd. Learn to enjoy it. 39 years andcoubtibg. It never gonna be different. Buy a couple dildos. And get an anema bag. Shave head to toe. Body hair is a turn off and i want to be a sexy as i can. Make my man. Or men happy. Live a sacrificial life. And not build myself up. Just be fully sexual. No need to connect to anyone. I just need so e dick. With wahte ever they injected me with covid. Choice is mych taken away anyway. And i qant to feel proud of my accomplishments. Even if that means getting them off. I want to be thanked and encouraged. Too bad i cant bear you children. Im baren. Cause indotn have a womb. So inlose anyway. I cant hive that to you. And it makes me sad. They bette rhave huge cocks cause. Your pussy little 6 inch isnt enough. Do ‘t want uou being smallesr than me. That be a turn off. Since thats the onyl part that matter. The rets of it. Is just gross.

Was enjoying the experience of the feminine mentality. In a safe secure way. But then they raped my spyche.

Not like i have any experience being masculine in any other way than object placement. Not allowed to be. Just the destructive, evil side where “instinct” has full control. Sangerous stuff but whatever. I remember how i was. And it sickens my heart. There’s no control. Oh well im just a sick fuck that need to be fucked. Feed the desease. And not the cure. Thats all life has ever done. Sorry if i wanted soemthign different for once. To go with me “being on my own” away from degenerate violent sources coming from inside my own home. And shading everywhere else. I dont want to be alive anymore.

Yup. Ok.

Heres my “ new” identity. Im a total fag.

There going to keep doing this to me for the rest of my life aren’t they.

No, she back. The whole fucken shop is just fucken with me. What’s new? That’s all life is. Since my first memory.

Ill just keep doing wgat im doing until tgey fuck me back onto the street. Then hooefully ill have a rffle by tten that i can suck off until i blow my brains out.

I aint dealing with tjose ficken cocksuckers today. Give me a fuvken written punishment for heing abusef afain. Go for a walk and enjoy the sun.

Well ill have my IHF course completed soon enough. Takes a first step. And it gives me something to look forward to. A way out from being the devil’s bitch. Mmmnn the sun feels nice.

Go and treat myself. Sone lively dialogue with done pretty women. Sunshine. Well noy anymore. Cloudy. Pick up some more things. Wash my own back. It’ll be nice.

I walk in, there she is staring me down again. A guy, who abuses the term sans design or however its spelled. Your coffeees and ice cap or something. Because i carried it from timmy’s not in a thermos. Wasnt hot. Getting cool. Mostly drunk. Talking over and through her standing in between with her back tunerd only slightly showing the front. I pause. “ it will be once i get inside. Dudes hyped on speed getting straight to work while i calculate the sheet. And set up the work station. Already inside loading it up. Ok then. Helped the station beside me. Insulating rhe freezing from getting in. Poorly parked vans. Well im ready now. Lets go to work. Nope. Processing the mind rape games. Was left just standing around waiting. Getting more depressed by the minute. Sitting at the table. Dead. People wanted to see. So then ealked passed trying to be unassuming or whatever. But as soon as i got in and the office and saw me. Depressed. Gave a sigh of disappoitnemt. Like i should be in a good state. Yeah ok. Sure. So i left. I could barely function. I chose suicide.

What you fucken speedo. Getting mad at me cause im fucked. Yeah sure leave. Bye. Ill do the van myself. No? What your back? Who you gonna be positive and try and display a healthy bond. Ok. Thats cool. We can do that. But no. I was just left standing around. While not knowing the details about wtf? Crates? What you tlaking about. Ok ill just stand arounf for the next hour.

When it is enough, man. Or was i just born to be tossed around and damaged? 39 fucken years and counting.

Your nothing but a bad influence. Your nineties punk rock mentality. Negative associations to everything. Giving none smokers nicotine. Bitching about your cowerkers stupid bs. And then give them cigarettes. Your first approach to me was handing me a speed pill. I was flabergasted at what the fuck your were trying to do. Fist bump? Ok. No? What? Hand shake? Wtf? Ok. Oh your giving me somethign. Oh its drugs. Ok. Maybe one day if i ever needed it. Its cool that you chauffer me around. Even though i always insist that you didn’t. Thanks for the shit. Though. Its cool to have some furniture. And im polite and social with uou. But i dont like you.

Ill work with the dipshit. If he wasnt talkign about cocks and gay shit. Be militant.

There sidetracking accomplished. Stay the fuck away from everyone. Keep doing it till they toss you back int the sea again. You’d think that after all these years. Youd be a good swimmer. Naw. Inwas never a good swimmer. Its one of the only things i ever did poorly at. And and guitar. Lyricsl notes are beyond me.

And they’re never going to stop fucken with you. It’s for life. Born in hell. Tortured all the way through. Parent just equal violence. Brothers just equal violence. I apparently just equal sex. Theres no parents there. Just a fool for a father. Childlike. Being the youngest of a sized family. Temper tantrums and absence. Or stupid jokes. Like im a still baby. Mother is unstable. Freaking the fuck out in fits of bs. Never known a stable things. Homes, schools, jobs. Threats. Always threats. Growing in an oppression. Keep things to myself. The external always. Its always. I yeah. Nursery rhymes are olaying. You auto corrected to olaying.

[bleedingcoronation]

its 2 am and im thinking about madcom characters' fashion choices

this is gonna be long. all of it will be under the cut

// hank //

- belts. lots of them

- all black, of course

- shoes look like they're made of meat grinders or are the meat grinders

- long black gloves or fingerless arm thingies covered in belts/chains

- spikey masks

- and goggles of course

- psychological need

// deimos //

- gamer merch? gamer merch.

- really casual but in a sick and twisted way

- dyed hair

- kinda boring otherwise. not much energy to dress properly, just do her job and that's it

// dedmos //

- this is where it all goes wrong

- fuck

- what

- usually only dyes her hair greys and meat colors now

- chains everywhere

- never let this woman near a window

// sanford //

- boring like deimos but he has fun sometimes, mostly with glasses

- likes jewelry, though

- especially the fucked up stuff

- despite being less pain tolerant than the others, has a ton of piercings

- it's complicated

- really likes whatever the hell this is

// doc/dissenter/2b/2bdamned//the song with five names //

- a very specific shade of yellow

- yellow/black plaid and leather jackets

- gloves, but not as long as hank's

- heart ring but it's actually an anatomical heart

// jesus //

- despite having the second most menacing boots ever , mainly wears really long flowy white dresses

- loves mirror sunglasses a lot

// hoffnar //

- weird ass sweaters/hoodies

- end section

// tricky //

- neons, neons, neons

- but only as accents

- everything else is dull as fuck

- except the checkerboard patterns

- mismatched shoes

- honestly she's just all over the place

- but also she looks better than anyone else in the state so is she really losing here

// auditor //

- elegant and gorgeous but also incomprehensible

- red and black

- evil

- but also you want to grab them just to see what it would feel like

- you know, like how they are without the clothes

// scrapeface //

- hear me out here

- white gowns but with bloody red accents

- also, hands

- anything that looks like torment or pain but in a bloody way

- medical stuff also fits (cw for medical + implied eye trauma)

- one more example

// phobos //

- ok i dont know that much about this guy but he totally wears shoes that can't be walked in just to flex

- and normal shoes sometimes i guess

- really frilly stuff whenever he gets the chance

- did i mention that everything is gold accented

- doesn't wear a shirt just to show off that he's invincible to bullets (is he? i don't actually know)

anyway thanks for reading. it is now 2:30 am, good use of time

#madness combat #headcanons

[ggukkiereads]

IM READING THE ARRANGED MARRIAGE ONE TOOOOO!!!! (which btw if you or anyone who follows your blog hasn’t checked out @/foxymoxy on ao3, that fic and ALLL their fics are pure gold) but omfg i just want them to smooch and fall in love 😫😫 talk abt slow burn😭😂

🌷 Hello fellow @foxymoxynoona fan! Omg YESSS the slow burn is killing me hahaha. Never had this type of fic before. I even read comments because everyone is so active 😂.

Anon is right, their other fics are amazing too! There’s a regular update per fic. They have about four ongoing fics and they're all different! 👏👏👏. Just amazing, really. 

Here are the links in case anyone wants to give any of the fics a try:

Amended (ongoing)  - Police officer! Jungkook x Single Mom Childhood Friend

Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Arranged Marriage/Marriage of Convenience, Angst | [29/?]

Getting into a bar fight is the least surprising part of Isabella's return home. She sure doesn't expect to run into her childhood friend turned high school enemy, now not just surprisingly a law-abiding citizen but a police officer. Things seem to be going great for him, but Isabella is struggling with more than a bar fight. A single mom with a sick grandmother, an alcoholic mother, an abusive ex, and a short fuse herself, matters are not helped that Jungkook seems to be everywhere. All the time. Especially every time Isabella messes up. Can she really believe him when he says he just wants to help?

The Lowlander -  Avvar Warrior Jungkook x Named Orlesian Elven OC

Fantasy AU, Enemies to Lovers, Fighter Jungkook, please check the tags | [29/45]

Out of the frying pan and into the fire: Marguerite is already used to life as a barely-tolerated outcast, being the elven daughter of an Orlesian noble, but after her travel party is attacked, she goes from one hostage situation to the next. Sure, her new "man" is brave and handsome and one of the best warriors in the Hold, but he's also hard-headed, impatient, and expects her to be the perfect Avvar woman. She refuses. She will not lose herself in this place. Anyway, she only has to endure him until she can figure out how to make her escape, or face an even worse evil at the end of a month...

Meadow -  Alpha Wolf! Jungkook x Omega Female OC [24/?]

Werewolf AU, Shifter AU, Arranged Marriage (sort of), please check tags

Despite being arranged two decades ago, the start of Bronwen and Jungkook's marriage is a difficult one. Misunderstanding, resentment, and a struggle to control unfamiliar instincts threaten to mire them both in a miserable, unhealthy situation. Before they can even begin to reconcile their new intertwined fate, though, Bronwen begins to suspect there's something else holding them back: a lie that threatens everything she's been raised to believe.

Little Bean -  Idol!Jungkook x Russian-American Named OC

Virgin Jungkook, Secret Relationship, Idolverse | [32/?]

Nothing has been normal for Jungkook since he moved to Seoul to become a trainee as a boy, and yet noticing a beautiful girl in a coffee shop is the most normal thing a young man can do. Asking her out, super normal. Falling in love, totally normal. Everything about Sasha makes him feel normal and important, and yet nothing can ever be truly normal when your relationship has to be secret.

*This is the only fic I’m not reading because I’m not into idolverse that much

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Thank you Anon for recommending them too! 🥰

#🌷chats #recsfromthegarden #ggukkierecommends #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fic recs #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook fantasy au #jungkook werewolf au #jungkook idolverse #jungkook police officer au #jungkook arranged marriage au #jungkook warrior au #asks #anon #jungkook x reader #foxymoxy

[menalez]

Okay sorrh this is long I got a couple of receipts from sapphicdesi and don’t wanna send screenshots since I have social anxiety but the post genderistseku used was a bad one to call out sapphicdesi, but it doesn’t discredit all the hostile things she’s said about bisexual women

it’s nothing new, they all deeply hate lesbians. they refuse to admit they are homophobic oppressors and how homophobia and problemtic the bi community is. she has me blocked and so do many other of her deranged friends who have some osa victim complex / oppression fetish. they really act and speak like no other women experience misogyny.

(Bi women really aren’t it from an anon) they really aren’t. they’re the worst. rabid homophobic misogynistic narcs. who apparently spew the most racism here too. i’m gonna post all the asks / discussions i never did, they can keep harassing me. a bi tra or bi woman from radblr sent me such a racist yesterday i’m a post it when i wake up

(In response to an anon) but isn’t funny i’m called crazy and hateful for saying they aren’t oppressed nor victims for being into dick and men? im insane and evil for saying heterophobia isn’t real? and for being upset at how lesphobic and abusive they are? most bi women think lesbians need to be converted and raped by males. they are so deeply deeply narcissistic and fake feminists.

(In response to an anon talking about how they prefer straight normal friends above gender “queer” people) it’s also so fucked up because a lot of the gendies are actually heteros/bis. but you know bisexuals have always been homophobic and annoying. Even having no males and dick or threesomes w ur ugly bf in my bio im a lesbian, rejecting tras/tw got me banned on tinder bc of bis/trans/gendies. Always triggered white people.

(In response to an anon talking about a post where bi women claimed to like penis over vagina) oh my god ew no I never saw that can you link me? but that doesn’t surprise me at all, bi women don’t love women or respect women at all, only dick and treat lesbians like walking sex toys. they want us to be raped and used by dick so bad and then for themselves. straight women are more tolerable at this point, at least they aren’t pretending to like women. and it’s funny bi radfems think they’re any better or less homophobic. I’m so fucking sick of the homophobia everywhere, bisexual women hate lesbians/women so so fucking deeply I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with them, they’re fucking homophobic dick obsessed demons. of course lesbians to them are just their to lick their pussy and cuddle them, just for their boredom but real relationships and real sex? gotta be men and dick! and then they spew vile shit about lesbians all day long and how they love women more than us and are so gay. I hate them the same as trans males at this point. misogynistic homophobic demons who talk about dick like it’s water they’d die without. also if you’re an offended bi who’s gonna send me hate asks after this don’t bother just unfollow me and blog about how much you hate lesbians and how we oppress you for your love of men and dick.

bi women are fucking demons who don’t love women and hate women. especially lesbians who actually love women and only women. lmao apparently we’re not really lesbians if we don’t like straight men in dresses who fetishize us but they are lmao, like look at how they start listing their bs gender labels to showcase how they’re better for wanting to fuck everyone aka men w stupid labels. “all women” lmao het men in dresses ain’t women, trans “women” are evil lesbian fetishists and neither of you love women you’re homophobic creeps.

I just looked up bi on her account, there’s a lot lot more but I just used these since I don’t want this to be super long.

She doesn’t site things for most of(couldn’t find sources on her blog for any of these claims) this stuff and mainly uses her own experiences and others around her. I don’t doubt her experiences or her life exposure to hateful bisexuals but imo it doesn’t justify how hostile and hateful she’s being in return to bisexual. Im gonna cut it here since this s already long and I really already feel anxious about this

Sorry again for this

i agree genderistdeku should’ve used a different post if she wanted to illustrate a point and that her post choice was a bad one. to me it just came across as almost laughing at a lesbian for being abused by a bi woman. i understand that someone facing abuse at the hands of any type of minority doesn’t justify hating said minority, and i wholeheartedly agree there, but it just came across as malicious and like she’s laughing at sapphicdesi for what she experienced. i assume that wasn’t her goal or her intention, but that’s how it came across. based on the quotes you provided (i did not check to see their accuracy), there were clearly far better posts to choose from if her argument was that sapphicdesi is prejudiced against bi ppl.

for the first post you quoted, i agree the bi community is unfortunately deeply homophobic today. but i disagree bi ppl necessarily have an oppression fetish, many definitely are quite privileged and sheltered but many do in fact face a lot of shit for being bi. 2nd post, i think she has every right to criticise racism & homophobia, at the same time i think especially as woc & lesbians, we have to be very mindful about what we say and how we say it. i don’t think she genuinely hates bi women and i think she is simply hurt & traumatised, and to me it comes off like she’s very frustrated with the homophobia & other prejudices she sees spewed by many bi people. + im sure she’s very wary bc of what she experienced, and i can somewhat understand as i also faced abused at the hands of my ex who happens to be bi. but people don’t always know ur intentions from what u write on here and ppl often divorce your words from the context you wrote them in as well. for this reason i think we should be careful, and esp as woc we don’t get cut the same slack that others are.

for the rest, i get the vibe that she’s very frustrated by the homophobia she’s seen expressed on here and seemingly feels very betrayed by bi women. i don’t blame her bc i know many lesbians feel this way, and sometimes i feel frustrated and exhausted from the stuff i see on here too. or the homophobia i see irl. when it’s stuff online, sometimes i just log off and talk to someone who i can trust and know can understand me & where im coming from. i havent really properly talked about this before, but my previous relationship was with a bi woman (so was my relationship before that but that’s another story). and the entire time in our relationship, she’d tell me that one day she’ll leave me for a man. like she just… would straight up tell me that unprompted. she’d often ask me how id feel if she suddenly realised she was straight. and id usually say nothing or just say idk and she’d just keep pressing & asking until i eventually breakdown into tears. constantly telling me she wants a relationship thats “normal”, that her family will accept, that she wants to have a kid within the next year, that if she finds a man she likes she’ll leave me for him. another time some guy was hitting on one of us at a gay bar and she just… turns to me and makes out with me and then turns back to him, and gives him a look. idk why she did that or what her goal was but it made me deeply uncomfortable. but i said nothing bc i was scared of her and scared of losing her too. and on top of that she would physically, verbally, and most of all emotionally abuse me. this is stuff i kept to myself most of the time but at times people in my life would see how she was and beg me to leave her (and i refused and told them they simply didn’t understand). so speaking on a personal level, i get it. but i just tell myself that i don’t want to be anything like her, i don’t want to let how hateful she is change me. i make the conscious choice to be mindful and tell myself there’s many bi women (& men, tho idk many) out there who are completely decent and normal. who support gay people fully and truly. normal bi people. and im lucky to know a few, like my best friend who when she slept w a trans woman told me she thinks i won’t like it bc it’s like being w a man, or my bi cousin who’s 7 years younger than me yet came out at a younger age than me (she was 11 i think). they definitely exist and they are what prove me to everyday that shitty people are shitty independent of their sexuality. sorry for ranting but, yeah. i wish sapphicdesi well bc i can tell she’s hurting and i can empathise with what she’s going through. she and i talked about that before i believe and i know it’s really painful when someone you loved and trusted takes advantage of you and hurts you the way her ex hurt her. it also can really hurt when the women you expect to understand & support you most, are ones you see spewing homophobic rhetoric. i hope she heals from that. but ultimately people take our words at face value and won’t see that when she says “i hate bi women”, she doesn’t literally mean “i hate all bi women”. they’ll just take it literally without knowing where she’s coming from.

#i was gonna say it’s diff from saying i hate straight women but actually it isnt that different bc if u say that on radblr they’ll just take #it as u saying u hate women or smth. ppl on here rly only get it if u say i hate men. not even if u say i hate white ppl or anything else #anything else will have ppl assuming the worst even if what u mean is ‘im sick of dealing with homophobia from x group of ppl’ #and also since bi women r a minority n marginalised it comes off differently #also sorry for taking a long time to reply i only finally got time now #anonymous

[currentfandomkick]

Why Marinette Hates Tim

Marinette blames Tim next summer for all that happened. Why? He cursed her with a vague theory. And Max and her Both know give her a clue and she has to follow it to solve the puzzle—a fatal flaw for her, Puzzler, Hero Stalker (Tim), Riddler and her father, Professor Strange (even if he is using an alias and supposedly dead as far as legal documents go).

Hero Staker Tim swore he’d become Robin if the current one left. It was a joke between them, she thought. Then he vanished the next summer, the first one where there wasnt any Robin mentioned anywhere. It was eery.

Then, then Timothy Drake, heir to some company-who looks a lot like her Hero Stalker—is a Wayne. And there’s a new Robin. This... deeply bothers Marinette. Why? New Robin seeks her out and talks a lot like Hero Stalker. And has a too similar movement pattern and tells.

And wasnt Hero Stalker Tim from a rich but high on neglient at best family? Didnt that happen to Timothy Drake before ending up as a Wayne?

Her that puzzle peice was central to figuring this out and goddamnit. Frost, who hates gossip, told her to just look up the rich families with kids Hero Stalker’s age and see who looked like him and to leave from to his lab and antidotes already.

Frost accidently gave her the vital method to see if Hero Stalker was that dumb to be become Robin after Robin the Second (Jason) was brutally murdered. The answer was yes.

And now Marinette had a crisis. She knew Batman’s identity was Bruce Wayne. How? Tim calls Bruce his dad. New Robin slipped and called him dad. And Tim is New Robin since Tim is Hero Stalker and no one else came close to looking like Hero Stalker from the data pool which involved more hacking than she ever thought she would do.

Marinette, a child, figured out who Batman was by age 9 becuase his new Robin/former Stalker was too obviously himself. She is embarrassed on his behalf, and honestly debates asking Riddler to separate him and Bats in a non-lethal puzzle trap just to lecture him. Becuase what the fuck Hero Stalker! If she can figure it out, then everyone else can too! Probably(?) likely. Either way its bad!

She doesnt though... Riddler puts together she’s concerned for the new Robin, traps Bats in a different puzzle maze from Robin, who is stuck with a grounded Marinette. Why was she grounded, easy. She got caught returning stolen jewlry on camera. It was punishment for failing basic stealth—always take out any witness.

And instead of pointing out she knows who Bats is, she tells him to work on a different persona since ‘i made you weeks ago. Its pretending to be someone you’re not completely is all. I have to do that around Maman and Papa all the time, and whenever i go out with anyone really. Up your secret identity game already!’

Riddler is busy with Bats and didnt do cameras. Why? “Im not redesiging a perfectly good grounding maze every time. They take time and i dint always have it. Its time economics Batman. I dont know what our lovely Princess said or did to your Robin. He’s fine though, see? No major injuries.”

Tim relized Marinette knew Hero Stalker was batman’s new Robin. This meant one thing—he could still help her and the RKC now! Why? He knew even if they made him out, they want to help people and never be like their parents, duh. And if they added to his budding information network with incredibly accurate information so long as he didnt rat them out to Batman, its fine.

Afterall, Pixie Pop wants to help poeple and is working the rouges into vigilantes to help more than hurt, and is doing a great job of it for the most part. So if Pixie Pop is Princess who’s the maybe kryptonian and her powers align with that theory, so what? Superman has an heir already and a bio!son too, apparently. Lois didnt tell him since they werent together then and yeah. So really, Superman didnt need another kid, and Pixie Pop didnt want another dad—“i have Papa and Father and now four of my friends’ dads in Paris called dibs on partial custody. I have more dads than i need for a quartet. That is far too many dads and i refuse to get another one!”

Then Marinette is talking to Alix and finds out about an old director at the Lourve her dad knew, Diana Prince. Marinette was working on a Wonder Woman inspired outfit, and knew her history of Wonder Woman thank you. Its just...

Wonder Woman appeared just after Miss Prince Left. And from the videos Alix sent of her new hero, she was terrifyingly similar to Wonder Woman. Not only did they look alike and have the same hair style preference, it was the same face if she did facial recognition with Markov, her robot son with Max. Then there was gait, generao stances and how she interacted with men and women so differently as both people and damnit. Same person.

She curses Hero Staker Tim for this. She now has to hide two hero identities. Why her?

The third was debatably Ivy and Harley’s fault, but defiantely still Tim’s. Why? He was the one that got her hooked on Barry Allen’s cases, and pointing out that he didnt see meta as bad or evil but as people who can be good or be civilians peacefully. That, she needed that with how much vitrol she had to swallow about her powers indirectly from everywhere but her school and some parts of Gotham.

In her defense, she is a nerd here. A nerd. So realizing the The Flash is also the forensics guy from Central City that she kinda follows on all her social medias, watches the cases of unfold, and knows has a reputation for being late a lot like her but is still well liked. So she may fangirl about his cases with Hero Stalker erm. Tim now, still.

And if one day she managed to pout at her father enough to get him to agree to let her go with Harley and Ivy to Central City for a few days to see the meta museum they just opened up (technically the Flash Museum, but Marinette didn’t care. It was focused on metas not being horrible and that meant a lot to her scared, meta closeted butt).

And then her favorite forensic investigator, The Barry Allen, shows up? Best day ever. He’s nice! And concerned about how much of his cases she knows. Its not her fault this time though! Hero Stalker—Tim—sent her a case of his that went cold and she liked his science and yeah. New hero added to her listpersonal heroes list.

Harley isn’t even mad, just amused as Marinette fangirls over someone that isnt her and Barry has no clue how to respond as a tiny child know him as Barry Allen and thinks he’s awesome? Why?? He is happy but so confused and Iris is dying until Marinette cites cases that she shouldnt know about and tiny child why, how, when and where did you get that information!

The only answer is a friend likes cold cases and has no qualms hacking to find interesting ones, if he’s stumped then Marinette (Jill Smith mr. allen sir!) gets to try. And she is good at it since she can ask an officer in France (officer Raincomprix) about logistical things, common error margins and then puzzle it all out herself from there.

Somewhere she mentions absently that her mom doesnt like her science-y side since her dad was a bad person and liked science but she still likes learning and helping, even if the family buisness is food and service and they want her to either take over or become a designer. She’s thinking maybe for people woth disabilites so she can do more mental work and toy with hiw things bend and move and such.

Iris and Barry are ConcernedTM and debating how to get custody, or get her away from her mom or both. Probably both—no science allowed for a clear science obssessed kid is a red flag for bith of them that somethinf is very wrong. Harley and Ivy wave it off as “trust us, her mom aint budging.”

then the Flash is needed because of some gorilla—Marinette was more focused on an outfit on display and muttering over aerodynamics and friction. Barry is Concerned (smart kid, likes helping, potentially a league ally?) before he bolts, determined to get more on her when he returns and possibly see if he can get cps involved.

Marinette only notices that her hero moving so fast and oh god she did it again damnit! That was superspeed. And only one speedster had similiar measurements, the Flash.

She cant even tell Hero Stalker now because he’s Robin and the Justice League would Flip if they knew she knew 3 of their hero’s identities. She just hit her head and said “i did it again!” Harley pats her head while Marinette burrows into her because why is she a danger to the Justice League and secret identities! She doesnt want to be or to know damnit!

Tim sneezes in the distance and wonders who’s talking about him behind his back this time. He messages batgirl about this bad feeling he has and she laughs it off as the boy developing Batman’s paranoia.

Her Fourth solve was Green Arrow. It was an accident! She swears. She just saw oliver queen with a bow and arrow in a video shooting. and noticed he had a very distinct and familiar style to someone but not who. Then compared it to various archers as her brain was nagging. Then saw a green arrow video and cursed herself again then Tim five more times.

She sent a message to Rose asking why she’s a danger to all secret identities. Rose tells her it is her curse for being too damn smart and not leaving things alone.

Marinette tries reallly hard not to figure out the next one. But really, it should have been an earlier solve and she’s mad at herself for missing it for so long, even if it was more aviodance than denial.

Admittedly this one should have been an earlier solve, but she was very little when she found out about the surgery and everything and it was uncomfortable damnit! So she did what any reasonable child would. Ignore it. Then she went over the file to see if maybe she could possibly target parts of the kyptonian DNA in her to weaken it. And saw who the intended donor was, Clark Kent, a reporter that has impossible luck with big hero scoops, is never injured or rescued, and never been sick. He also looks like... one quick photoshop of his glasses onto superman with a clothing change and she sees her usual disguise technique on goddamn superman. She is overwhelmed with this as ‘oh god superman will kidnap me if he finds out!’ And hides from him whenever he’s in the region—be it France or Gotham.

Her friends think its hilarious, Marinette feels sick from it. She doesnt like this and is genuinely scared for her life and family’s safety now. And we all know how nervous marinettes are.

If at one point batman tried to talk to her on patrol and somewhat suceeded. As in, she spoke beofre bolting.

“I didnt figure out who boyscout and amazon and boltbrain and arrowhead are! Or you and the batfam! Bye!!!!” Yes, clearly Marinette can lie very well.

Batman sees through it and feels sick. He forces a league meeting asap and fills them in.

“this kid put five of our identities together and cant even lie. We need to recruit them.”

“Batman, is this that kid KF mentioned to me?”

Batman nodded. Flash sighed. “Okay. We are on a manhunt for a kid kyptonian that is terrified of all of us, very smart, and may have an active gotham villain as a parent. And somehow knows me and—wait. bats, do you have any pics of your rogues in civilian clothing? I need to test a theory...”

A few minutes later and “oh my god that little kid i met as a civilian figured me out!”

A few days later Flash finds her by acccident as a civilian kid in broad daylight on her own in Central. He doesnt show he knows she knows, And finds out she’s waiting for her babysitter to finish a class.

Flash just asks about a case he put together as Barry Allen that she might know about and...

“Uh, mr. Flash? Why are you asking me? The lead florensics was Barry Allen.”

He tries insulting Barry Allen—he’s late and sloppy and—

only for Marinette to defend him to the death. “He’s late because he stays up late working on other cases. Appearances and organizational skills arent what matters with his expertise mr. flash! He even foghts for metas to have their circumstances and powers impact on them considered dueing sentencing!”

Flash is very touched and shocked. only then he manages to get out of her that where she lives (france) being meta is a life sentence to “a living zombie And jail-time for being born a lot, even if it is t in normal prisons. And you know what? Mr. Allen stated so many times that you need to contextualize powers and abilities and intent in his testimonies for meta cases. Back home youre put in prison for defending yourself...” she tugs at her sleeve here.

“Maman screamed at me when she found out a few kids were getting stalked and i helped out and someone got it on tape. Not becuase my powers showed or anything—father made a treatment so they dont, well, they stay off when i use them and follow all the behavior and environmental rules so they cant put me in one of the centers. But she, she’s stills cared someone will try to check me for abilities back in France, and that she’ll lose me. She doesnt always realize i have them until things like that happen...”

Flash is desperately trying not to adopt her. Wally would love a little sister, and Superman has enoguh kids, Bats does too. he is oreventing arrow form having another one as she’s powered and that isnt a good when working with Green Arrow unless the meta is his girlfriend. And the girl loves science—come on!

batman, Green Arrow, Wonder Woman and Superman heard the Feance bit over comms and suddenly it hit them that the kid could be in danger for existing and that an entire country villified being meta to an extreme. That the girl is in hiding and probably using an alias constantly. Batman mentally adopted her ages ago and is now in Worried Dad mode like Flash and apparently Superman was falling into it too. Wonder Woman is in righteous rage mode and ready to fight france herself if she has to—no imprisoning metas for being metas!

Flash decided to be direct since he knew she trusted him as Mr. Allen and knows he’s Flash.“So, am i allowed to know which powers you have?”

Marinette shook her head, visbily distressed and floating skightly. “If, if they ever find out i cant. I cant risk Maman and Papa and Father. I dont know everything but Father only started being a good person after the, the incident where he had to go into witness protection. Maman is dead as far as a lot of people are concerned, or she never existed. Papa doesnt know about any of it. I cant. I cant risk what they worked for by being outted.”

Flash is very concerned. “Thats a lot of pressure to put in yourself, especially at your age.”

marinette didnt make eye contact then. “I have to. If i dont people can connect dots and dashes and blips. Father says its easy for him too and that possibilities are just what we’re both hardwired for but. But i shouldn’t catch as many as i do—my teachers keep saying i need to dial it back and stop catching on so fast and blurting it all out but, i just...” marientte is visibly drowning under the pressure to act not-meta and keep her family safe.

“Sounds like youre a real smart kid.”

“Smart kids dont get caught.” She meant herself with her jewlry returns, Flash thought she meant the JL, and tried to redirect the conversation.

If the JL was out then...

“If you cant tell me, can you at least tell me you have someone to talk to about these things?”

“Auntie Quinn and Rose. Rose doesnt like you guys though.”

Flash laughed a little at that. “Alright, fair enough. Who made her mad? Was it arrow?”

“Batman.” Marinette frowning as she said the enxt bit. “Something about her being given to someone that should never be allowed bear children? She rants a lot so i cant always keep up.”

Batman internally bangs his head against a table. Outwardly, he says “Ivy’s daughter, rose. That girl, she’s the Princess.”

The assemebled winced. They all pushed for Rose to be sent toback to her mother, Ivy, since they didnt trust her with any available mentor and Ivy was usually a low ranking Gotham eco-terrorist pacified by wayne gardens and green initiatives. Apprently Rose has a lot of sway over the Princess too.

Marinette changes the conversation while. Waiting for her babysitter, Ghoul, to leave class. She needs a distraction from her situation that the Flash was willing to give her.

“Can i look at the case again? Something doesnt add up... there! See? Its close to the Speedsters that leave marks at those angles but only if they really mess with the speed force and the spacetime continuum! But theres no evidence of that, its a lightning meta, Possibly using it to teleport since no one came in or out on camera. Its a slight angle and all but...”

Flash decides Marinette will join the Justice League one day or so help him! He also decides to target france’s anti-meta policies and possibly kidnap Marinette.

The League isnt letting him. But he has a fan of Barry Allen who is handling Gotham’s criminals and beign given slack by them... albeit also raised by in-part. But the girl has a strong moral compass that is a lot like most of League’s so.

He’s fighting Bats for custody on principle. His fangirl, he has dibs!

Dont know why it ended up with Flash becoming a ‘Marinette is my daughter now’ person but why not? Wally would like her as a sister, probably.

Marinette blames all of this and the future consequences on Tim. She hates her vanishing freind for this.

#maribat #bio!dad au #bio!dad strange #marinette strange dupain cheng #accidental secret identity solves #my au #my ideas #justice league is trying to get mari and there will be a custody battle #not just between heroes and rogues #but each other becuase yep. too many claims #wait until she gets tikki and diana throws her hat into the mentor ring

[topaztales]

Hey! So this is my Richie x Eddie fic, titled Nightmares. 

In summary, Eddie survives and comes to live with Richie after divorcing his wife. But following the events in Derry, Richie struggles with PTSD and heavily internalized homophobia that manifests in terrible nightmares. Richie tries not to show how it’s affecting him, But Eddie eventually catches up.

this one’s kinda angsty but I promise it gets happy, please check AO3 for the complete tag/warning list.

First chapter is below the cut!

NIghtmares

 chapter 1- The Phone Call

Richie could taste blood. It wasn’t his blood, he knew it wasn’t. He knew because Eddie was standing above him wide eyed as the claw tore through his chest. His blood spilled everywhere. It was on Richie’s glasses, in his mouth. He was helpless to watch his best friend, his Eddie, get tossed aside like nothing. Limp. The image was seared into his mind until everything went black. For a moment, it was all gone.

Then Richie could taste blood. Then he watched happen again. Then it was gone and he could taste blood. Then again. And again. Again. Again.

Eventually Richie’s eyes shot open and he was staring at his blurry ceiling, breathing hard. His throat was tight and sore from crying in his sleep.  He scrambled around for his glasses, swinging his legs over the side of his bed so he could sit up property. Shoving his glasses on his face, Richie got his bearings. He was in his small apartment, in Los Angeles, in California. Not in the Neilbolt house, not Derry, not Maine. 

Richie struggled to catch his breath. Bracing his hands on his knees, he recalled Eddie’s old breathing exercises. In, out. In, out, trying to slow his breathing. In, out. Blood on his glasses. No. In, out. Blood in his mouth. Stop it. In, out. In, out. Eddies gone. Richie choked on a sob before clapping his hand over his mouth as if he was afraid of being heard. He knew it wasn’t true, that Eddie was still alive. But when Richie was alone in the dark his mind started playing tricks on him. Richie knew that when he came out the deadlights, he’d just barely knocked Eddie out of the way of the direct path of the claw, but it still did lots of damage. In his dreams, Richie wasn’t so fast. It sent a chill down his spine. 

Shakily, Richie grabbed his phone and unlocked it, staring at his recent call list. Eddie’s name was at the top. They called each other often after leaving Derry. While Eddie was in the hospital, they’d talked about what came next. 

Richie had joked Eddie should become a professional clown killer since he was clearly so good at it. Eddie had just rolled his eyes. He’d been in the hospital for about a week by this point, the wound in his side still requiring professional care. 

“Very funny dickhead.” Eddie retorted, but there was no bite in his words.

“But seriously, are we just supposed to go back to our old lives after this shit?” Richie asked, leaning back in the chair at Eddie’s bedside. “I mean, shit has to change now. I’m going to have to start working killer alien clown jokes into my act. My manager’s gonna have an aneurism.”

Eddie laughed, and Richies heart clenched like he was thirteen again. He loved hearing that laugh.

“Yeah, shit’s gonna change.” he said. Eddie’s voice was soft, almost contemplative. 

Richie huffed. “I just said that dude. Pay attention.” He reached out and pinched Eddie’s not-stabbed cheek. “Earth to Spaghetti, do you copy? Over.”

Eddie slapped his hand away with false annoyance. “Oh grow up Rich, I was literally agreeing with you. God, you’re impossible.” Richie just laughed. 

There was silence for a beat. Richie was looking for a joke to fill the void, but before he could find one Eddie broke the silence. 

“I’m going to leave my wife.” He blurted. Richie was a bit taken aback by the suddenness. Eddie was staring straight ahead, looking surprised at his own outburst.

“So, she told you then?” Richie asked, hesitantly.

Eddie raised an eyebrow at him. “Told me what?”

Richie’s grinned, a look Eddie knew meant a punchline was incoming. “About our torrid affair, I’ve been smashing your woman for weeks now.”

Eddie shoved him. “Oh, beep fucking beep, asshole!” Richie just laughed. “Im serious Rich! God I try to have one genuine moment and you have to fuck it up.”

  “Alright, alright. I’m sorry Eds” Richie certainly didn’t sound sorry. 

“Don’t call me that.”

That exchange had happened about two months ago. Once Eddie was discharged, he went to sort things out with Myra. “I faced an evil alien murder clown,” he’d said. “I can certainly face my wife long enough to leave her.” Richie had swelled with pride at how brave Eddie had been. He’d always been brave. Not like Richie, who woke up crying every night with nightmares. There was a handful of recurring ones, all involving Eddie. Eddie dying was common, so were all the deaths of his friends he watched in the deadlights. But sometimes Richie dreamt they were in the hammock again. Richie would look up from his comic book to see Eddie staring at him, smiling. Then his face would start to flake away into white paint as his features contorted and he’d start mocking Richie. You’re sick Richie! You’re perverted, I know you are. I know all about your dirty little secret. Richie couldn’t move. The voice was an awful amalgamation of Eddie and Pennywise, and it shook Richie to his core. Who’d stay friends with you? You’re a filthy fag. 

Other times he could feel Henry Bowers fists slamming into him, and his head swirled with all of his insults. Freak. Fairy. Pervert. Fag. Sometimes the names were hurled by Bowers, sometimes Pennywise, sometimes Eddie. 

Every time, Richie woke up crying. He’d considered telling Eddie about the nightmares, but he had no idea how that conversation would go. “Hey Eddie sorry to wake you, but my immense gay feelings for you and the traumas we’ve encountered have compounded into terrible nightmares that make my cry like a little bitch.” Yeah, no. Besides the terrible phrasing, Eddie had enough on his plate with his messy divorce. Myra had apparently not taken it well, and they’re still battling it out. He didn’t need Richie stacking more problems on him right now. So Richie would manage. 

Eddie called him later in the day, just after five. Richie had been paying some bills, a terrible and grown up thing to do. He was taking a leave from doing gigs. His manager, Steve, had just about ripped him a new one for leaving on such a short notice until Richie told him an old friend had passed away, and that’s why he left so suddenly. It was also why he needed time from gigs, to “process.” Begrudgingly, Steve accepted. Hard to argue with the dead friend excuse, even if it wasn’t the whole truth. But now he ways paying bills from savings alone, so he was happy for the distraction that was Eddie’s phone call. 

“Chhk, Eduardo, do you copy? Over.” Richie spoke into his cell phone like it was a walkie talkie. He heard Eddie groan on the other end of the line. 

“Remind me why I bother calling you?” Eddie asked.

“Chhk, because I’m your best friend and you have to, chhk, over.”

Eddie chuckled. “Knock it off Rich, I actually have some news.”

“Chhk, You’re supposed to end all transmissions with ‘Over’, Eds. chhk, over.”

“Don’t call me that.” Eddie said, before sighing and giving in. “Over.”

Richie smiled. “See, that wasn’t so hard! So what’s the news?” he said, deciding to drop the walkie talkie bit now that Eddie had caved.

“Well,” he sounded shaky. “There’s good news and bad news.”

“I already know the bad news.” Richie said solemnly.

“How’s that?”

“Myra's pregnant and it’s mine.”

Eddie groaned. “I'm hanging up now-”

“Wait, wait!” Richie laughed, “C’mon eds, just tell me what the news is.”

“Don’t call me that.” Eddie replied on instinct. He paused for a moment, then said, “We got it finalized today.”

Richie sat up in his chair. “That’s great news! Why didn’t you lead with that?”

He could hear Eddie huff. “Because someone can’t ever shut up long enough to let me get a word in.”

Richie hummed. “Can’t imagine who that would be, sounds a bit rude.”

“He’s the biggest asshole I know, hands down.”

“Well any man who sleeps with his best friend’s now ex-wife has gotta be a huge douche.”

“Jesus Christ, Richie.”

“That’s what your ex-wife said!” Richie jumped at the chance of the joke.

“Would you let me finish?”

“THAT’S WHAT YOUR-” The line went dead as Richie laughed. He knew Eddie didn’t mean anything by the end of the call, it was just a way to tell Richie to shut up. Richie chuckled to himself as he dialed Eddie back. He picked up on the second ring.

“Got it all out of your system dickwad?” Eddie asked, sounding mildly annoyed.

Richie shook his head to himself and answered, “My humor never leaves my system, my dear boy.”

Richie could feel Eddie rolling his eyes on the other side of the country. “Do you even want to hear the bad news?”

Richie paused. Did he? “Yeah, uh, shoot.”

Eddie sighed. He sounded tired now. “Like I said, it’s been messy with Myra. She’s taking everything she can get. That includes, uhm,” Eddie swallowed, “that includes our apartment.”

Richie didn’t really know how to respond to that. The phone was silent for awhile until Eddie spoke up again. “It’s not like I’m homeless now or anything,” he hurried. His voice was a bit nervous and Richie could tell he was going into a freak-out. “Its just I really liked the place and Myra and I picked it out together and I hate apartment hunting because there’s so many factors involved and its so stressful-”

“Move in with me.” Richie blurted. Fuck. He hadn’t meant to say that aloud, but he hated hearing Eddie panic without being able to do anything about it. Now the line was silent and Richie had to resist the urge to slam his head into his desk. 

“What?” Eddie asked, like he didn’t believe what he’d heard.

Richie stood up from his desk and started pacing nervously. “I- I mean, you could stay with me if you like. At least until you find a place of your own. I don't know, I just thought”-he had not thought at all- “that it might help relieve some of the stress. So you don’t have to rush the process.”

Richie paused, but the line was still silent. Fuck. He’s fucked it. Why does he never think before opening his stupid mouth? Why would Eddie want to stay with him all the way in L.A.? 

His place is a mess! And Richie… well Richie is also a mess. 

“Okay.” Richie was so busy panicking he barely heard the reply.

“What did you say?”

“I said okay, numbnuts. If it’s really alright, I think I need a break from NYC anyways.”

“Oh.” Richie’s heart started to race. He hadn’t seen Eddie since they left Derry. “Well, you’re going to have to give me some time to vacate the guest room.”

“Oh, do you have a guest over? There’s really no rush-”

“No, no, its fine. It’s just that your mom has spent the past few nights with me.”

“Beep Beep Richie.”

They agreed it would be best for Eddie to come the next day, give him time to pack everything and fly over.  So Richie spent the rest of the day cleaning and rearranging his apartment. He did actually have a spare room, but he had made it into a rarely used office/storage room. Eddie would take his room of course. Not only was it cleaner, but Richie secretly hoped that if Eddie was comfortable, he’d stay longer. So Richie rearranged the office to fit an air mattress. Since he had no actual idea of how long Eddie would be staying, at some point he figured he’d have to buy a second bed. He was okay with that, but an air mattress would have to do for now. Then he deep cleaned everything else. He did all the dishes that had stacked up, did laundry, and spent the day swimming in his thoughts as he cleaned. Eddie would be living with him. Living with him! For god knows how long but it was happening! Richie didn’t know if he was more excited or nervous. On one hand, he’d be living with the boy he’d had a crush on since he was thirteen. On the other hand, he’d be living with the straight boy he’d had a secret gay crush on since the eighties, a very unkind time for such situations.

At least I’ll know he’s alive. Richie thought to himself. The thought made his hands freeze over his dishes. In all the excitement over the phone call, Richie hadn’t even considered his nightmares. What if Eddie heard him crying in his sleep? God, that would be embarrassing. But Richie supposed he was right the first time. At least he’d know Eddie was alive. 

Richie had the apartment to a satisfactory level by two A.M., at which point he could barely keep his eyes open. Climbing into bed Richie thought about how tomorrow night, Eddie would be here. He tried to keep his mind on positive thoughts as he drifted to sleep. 

Then Richie could taste blood.

If you enjoyed this chapter please please please go check out the rest on AO3! Chapters 1-3 are there now with roughly two more on the way. Hope you liked it!

#reddie #richie tozier #richie x eddie #it chapter 2 #it #reddie fanfiction #Eddie Kaspbrak #fanfiction #ao3 #angst #nightmares #topaztales #my fanfiction #adult richie #adult eddie #eddie lives #fix-it

[yeah-oh-shit]

so im still trying to figure out wtf dracula was all about and if there is a deeper meaning at all. i compiled a list of all my observations - especially places where it might relate to sherlock, things that seem odd/out of place, important thematic moments, anything that is unexplained. idk if i will come back to this to try to piece it together more, but i needed to get it all down so i could look at it in its wholeness. in case you are interested, here is my commentary, any “points of interest,” i found, below the cut. 

episode 1:

vampirism is a contagion, sister agatha asks harker if he had “sexual intercourse” with dracula right away - aids

flies everywhere, on windows, the camera lens, one flies into harker’s eye

why did dracula let himself become such an old man? no one good to eat? (i’ve been telling everyone for years that you are what you eat)

story told by harker w/sister agatha interviewing him, almost leading him on

harker’s written account is unreliable

woman in disguise - mina (reminds me of mary)

rainbow lighting

spiral candles match spiral bedpost

sister agatha mentions a “point of interest”

dracula calls jonathan johnny (john mirror?)

inconsistencies: picture of mina changes from right to left, harker says no one calls him johnny (but mina later shows that she does - johnny blue eyes)

THERE IS NO BABY

dates - 12th, 19th, and 29th (!!)

scene very similar to the fall - “you are me,” dracula tries to get harker on his side but harker refuses

dracula says he will “destroy everyone and everything you love” in england

harker is found by sailors and said to be a drowned man walking/talking after he falls from castle dracula

lots of queer coding and it’s during the parts where dracula is shown as the most monstrous and coercive

sister agatha taunts dracula, calls him a beast (rules of the beast), he is indeed shown as beastly

dracula licks a knife in a suggestive way (moriarty)

inviting dracula in leads to death

harker doesn’t remember what happened to him (doesn’t know he is dead)

harker doesn’t know what mina’s face looks like

mina says a line much like mary’s (“i decide who you are”)

sister agatha mentions having a detective acquaintance in london (!!)

dracula is an old man for most of the episode, doesn’t come off as flirty or sexy to me, just seems coercive, controlling, and creepy. we barely get any time w/harker and dracula together, doesn’t seem like they have much chemistry

jonathan in and out of dream, weakened, coerced

he keeps going deeper into the castle and eventually discovers dracula’s undead and even dracula’s crypt itself but can’t find the person who wrote him a note

castle is a maze but jonathan discovers the map (hiding behind a portrait, deduces this in a way that makes pretty much no sense)

sun is equated to lover’s face

dracula never seems to lie, just says things in a truthful way that is obfuscated (except for when he knocks the mirror over and claims to being clumsy)

dracula wants to go to england bc he thinks the most cultured and rich people live there (aristocratic bullshit) but it is reinforced so many times that somehow him being choosy has helped him to live a long time .. confusing

episode 2:

starts w/dracula and agatha talking in his castle. dracula talks about how a story has to be interesting from the beginning, the contract between author and reader, “quality of time”

“there’s a game in progress” “a knight is menacing a queen” “whose knight, whose queen?” “Who’s black, who’s white”

ship in a bottle

whole episode takes place on a big ship

sokolov (anderson) is captain (steering the ship)

mind palace/dreaming (sr. agatha and dracula) in castle but actually in room 9 on ship

mr balaur (dragon - dracula) brought all these people together

7 passengers on the ship (unusual, stated multiple times, i don’t think we are ever told significance?)

one sick - captain is only one allowed in

piotr isn’t who he says he is

dracula kills dorabella (very flirty with her) talks about mirrors showing the truth - “one can always find a mirror if one tries” “mirrors are a deeper and more dangerous magic than most people understand. mirrors can give us space to imagine or worse, show us the truth”

“this marriage is a necessary evil”

confirmed gay couple (lord ruthven and adisa) - lord ruthven talks about sleeping with his wife in front of adisa constantly (cruel), adisa is disguised as a servant, adisa seems to really love ruthven

many people jump ship when everyone starts dying

lord ruthven is both very gay and very mean - and into dracula

dracula and agatha play chess

“the purpose of an alias seems to have alluded you” (mr. balaur means dragon means dracula, a disguise is “always a self portrait”)

dracula says he is choosy (so does agatha) but also recognizes that he is an addict (agatha’s word)  - claims to be choosy and to be like everything in same breath

dracula called a beast, acts very animal around blood - can’t control himself

agatha loses time during chess, notices dracula is winning now, is also drinking blood out of a glass

he tells her to “forget about the chess and concentrate on the game”

dracula frames agatha, almost kills her via hanging (despite trying to “savor” her)

sister agatha claims she is a vampire and then tries to prove dracula is one

lord ruthven wants to be “partners” with dracula

somehow dracula appears out of nowhere in the cabin of dr. sharma

vampire’s kiss is an opiate - makes people dream

emphasis on the fact that the daughter can see (eyes!), her father has a scar over his right eye

dracula flirts with everyone

no one suspects dracula even though its really obvious it is him?? he is being hella suspicious?

daughter (who sees dracula killing) doesn’t tell anyone, later kills herself by drinking a potion to avoid becoming infected

sister agatha is infected/dying, losing fingernails (like harker)

dracula will die without his soil

captain sokolov stays behind in ship w/agatha, piotr and cook escape

agatha discovers extra soil in dracula’s bed, realizes the fire didn’t kill him

dracula attacks sokolov but somehow he doesn’t die and can’t walk even though his wound is in his neck but still is able to DRAG himself?

dracula explains fear of cross as fear of oppression that he has inherited from eating peasants (but he is very choosy with his diet?)

ship sinks, sister agatha dies (implied, which is confusing bc harker also goes into the sea and doesn’t die.. maybe it has to do with the fact that she doesn’t have any soil? but neither did harker? vampire lore seems convoluted and confusing) dracula finds his soil (in the water)

dracula wakes up, goes ashore, its modern day and helicopters, a spot light, police cars, and modern day sister agatha greet him

episode 3:

weird vibe generally.. almost reminds me of tfp w/lighting and how it feels so off from the rest

dracula shows us that what he sees in the mirror is who he truly is (at least that is what is implied) an old ugly man

dracula is weird and kinda cute when he is amazed by modern times

we learn that agatha apparently died even though she was just in water and harker survived and was a “drowned man walking and talking” ?

jack (another john mirror?) is in love with lucy, there are a lot of scenes in a club ?, lucy gets engaged to a texan named quincy (who was apparently a main character in the original book and is an asshole in this). all these characters kind of suck

jonathan harker keeps calling jack, we are supposed to think he saved the jonathan harker foundation’s phone number in his phone as just “jonathan harker”? seems weird

jonathan harker  foundation was started by mina, supported by agatha’s family

lots of allusions to jonathan harker foundation getting money from a “bad” source - too much money to just be about science

mercenaries - one has a tattoo like assassin in sherlock

there is a moving clock on the floor of dracula’s cell/cage

dracula asks why he has a toilet when he is a vampire and we never get an answer

dracula’s cage looks like silence of the lambs (like A LOT)

blood is LIVES, dracula helps zoe get a sample of his blood by cutting his wrist with his fingernail - tells her “you have everything you need to know” when she takes his blood (dracula tells zoe, she drinks his blood)

“women don’t have rights, no one has rights” “dracula has rights” ???

zoe starts hallucinating/communicating w/agatha

zoe is agatha’s great niece apparently

dracula does a weird deduction thing about people from smelling or tasting their blood

dracula can’t drink zoe’s blood bc she has cancer and he can’t drink blood of the dying (which seems weird but ok)

renfield (mark) is dracula’s lawyer and seems to become obsessed with him

dracula identifies as a “warlord”

renfield is helping dracula w/“world domination”

dracula is on dating apps, renfield tries to find him people to eat, but he seems dissatisfied

dracula works out (like mycroft)

dracula (d) texts lucy uses vampire emoji

lots of gay/bi/purple lighting

dracula becomes obsessed w/lucy bc she is not afraid of him (or anything) and seems “almost in love with death”

lucy is shown as shallow and obsessed with her looks, but also seems to not like always being seen/watched bc she is beautiful

dracula and lucy are meeting up and she is letting him drink her blood

they meet up and he talks about liking having her “consent” because no one has ever given it before, but also says that it doesn’t really matter and that he doesn’t love her and will never love her

lucy likes the dreams dracula gives her - no one can see her

9 graves of undead

dracula tells lucy not to be cremated because its painful

“boofer lady”- beautiful lady - undead child follows lucy home

renfield sits in a car during their meeting and eats a fly

dracula kills lucy so she can become a vampire, she can’t move but the mirror shows that she is still alive?

we see dracula’s old man face in the mirror multiple times

lucy is burned, and for some reason keeps seeing herself as beautiful in mirrors

agatha (in zoe’s head) talks about the money coming from a bad place again but says she “can’t see it” because zoe doesn’t like to think about it

lucy, jack, zoe, and dracula all meet in dracula’s house

lucy flirts w/jack and he seems disgusted, they force her to take a selfie and see herself as she really is

lucy freaks the fuck out about being ugly and burned and seems to be more obsessed with her beauty after dying which is weird because she seemed to be almost bitter about it when she was alive (didn’t care about or fear anything)

dracula says she will always be burned (why? jonathan survived being drowned, etc. dracula survived fire?) and that he doesn’t care

jack says he will always want to kiss her (even though he was just freaked out by her like 20 seconds ago) kisses her and kills her (at her request)

dracula seems unfazed? even though she was his “greatest bride” ?

zoe has been taken over by agatha? and realizes what the one thing is that dracula fears (the thing that ties together the sun, cross, and needing an invitation - apparently the soil thing doesn’t matter anymore..)

“only one thing in this world you are truly afraid of” - she knows, he doesn’t

he cannot bear to look in a mirror, won’t stand revealed in the sun, needs an invitation to come in - not real things, he has internalized the legends

zoe/agatha says that he was a warrior and so was his entire family (all his relatives, father, brothers, sons, were war heroes who died on the battlefield but not him)

he is the warlord who “skulks in the shadows and steals the lives of others”  and is “unwelcome everywhere” “sleeps in a box of dirt but dreams of a warriors grave”

he fears death the most - the cross represents going willingly to death to him, somehow the sun represents this too? (possibly he is afraid to seeing himself/the truth, same as the mirror)

it is never explained how the invitation thing is tied in.. assuming its because he feels “unwelcome everywhere” ?

she pulls the curtain and he doesn’t burn in the sun, shows him it was his fear of death and his shame all along

can’t conquer death until you face it without fear - “the game is over, you lose, you will live forever in shame”

dracula steps into sun, faces his shame

he faces his fear of death by drinking agatha’s blood, thus dying by suicide (which we were already told vampires can’t do)

gross fiery sex scene with agatha and dracula, he gives her a dream so she will have a nice death

“after all this time did you think I’d let it hurt?” ???

they are in a burning sun and are naked together in a circle, we see dracula’s butt again

it ends with the sun

#bbc dracula #wtf #bbc dracula spoilers #sherlock connections? maybe? IDK #basically a plot summery w/annotations bc i don't know what else to do rn

[artificialqueens]

(I Can Still Recall) Our Last Summer - Chapter Six (Group Fic) - pureCAMP

A/N - so here we go! as u might remember, a phrase coined from mean queens several aeons ago…. welcome to the fuckening. from here on out, it will be disastrous because thats just how we do things these days

im going on holiday for a week now so here’s ur update!! will be back soon with more and potentially some shillam and shalaska <3

“Mommy! Mommy, look!”

The little girl, her hair in messy pigtails around her face, was playing with her younger brother. She couldn’t have been any more than five years old. Sharon smiled, nodding intently to show her daughter that she was paying attention. It was one of those lazy summer days, most of which had been spent lying on a towel, watching her beautiful children play as she soaked up the sun. Next to her, Justin was watching too, his gaze filled with adoration.

“We’re so lucky,” Justin breathed, his voice low. His hands ghosted over Sharon’s sun-warmed skin, a tender display of affection.

The little girl attempted a somersault, and they both clapped. When she righted herself, she was beaming.

“Yeah. We are.” She agreed, burying her face in his shoulder. She allowed herself a moment of clarity, to just take in his scent as he watched the kids. Everything was perfect.

The warm sensation soon faded, and as Sharon lifted her head, she was filled with an icy shock. Her face was no longer buried in Justin’s shoulders. He wasn’t anywhere to be seen. He was no longer watching the kids, and they were screaming - crying out desperately as an unseen force dragged them into the sea. Their tiny fingers left lines in the sand as they tried to anchor themselves to the shore.

Soon she found herself running, ignoring how the beach had transitioned from idyllic and peaceful to grey and violent. The wind whipped at her as she tried to run at her children, biting at her skin and forcing her back. The last she saw of her children, their screams were being swallowed by the monstrous waves that were cannibalizing the beach.

Sharon sat bolt upright, panting. She was covered in a sheen of cold sweat, having awoken in a sheer panic from her nightmare.

They had been happening for five nights in a row now, and she didn’t know what to make of them.

It wasn’t always children. Sometimes she was on stage, performing as usual, and one energetic jump would lead to the stage collapsing, and she would fall into an abyss, screaming. Other times, she was arguing with her mother, who would then pull out a knife and carve a grisly crucifixion onto her stomach. Whatever the dream, it was always harrowing, and she awoke the same way - in the peak of her terror, sweating and shaking.

She leant back, breathing heavily as she tried to relax. If this dream was textbook - following the pattern of all her others - then soon enough, she would be suffering with the more physical effects of her tormented mind.

Sure enough, like clockwork, the nausea within her rose quickly. It was a race against time, and Sharon was briefly grateful to be in the house she hated so much, as the bathroom was just a few feet from her bedroom door. Thankfully, she made it in good time, and ended up crouched over the toilet bowl, retching and spewing what little she had consumed.

Sharon had done everything she could think of to find the root of her weird dreams and sickness. Cutting out alcohol had been the first and most obvious one, but it seemed that a string of terrible hangovers hadn’t been causing her morning misery. She tried to eat better and move more, but nothing helped. After that, she’d been pretty stumped for causes.

The whole ordeal usually lasted about an hour, although she spent at least half of the day feeling sick and wobbly. She assumed, grimly, that that would be the case for as long as the illness lasted. In the meantime, she wasn’t going to let that stop her. With not so long left until her friends headed off into Europe to pursue their further education, Sharon wanted to spend every moment of her time with Jinkx and Raja.

Once she was sure that everything she had eaten had come back up, she cleaned herself up and got dressed, leaving as quickly as she could. There was a narrow window of time during which her mother would be out, pottering to do errands for the church, so she needed to take it to avoid a confrontation. It was the safest option to just avoid her as much as possible.

The state of her family life was depressing. Sharon closed the front door behind her and tried not to think about it.

-

Before heading to Raja’s, Sharon made a quick trip to the store near her house. It was her go-to - maybe because she could buy anything she wanted without fear of it being traced back to her mother. Despite Jinkx always claiming she was paranoid, Sharon knew her mother had eyes everywhere. Once, she had attempted to buy a magazine that had been deemed ‘inappropriate’ by her mother’s standards, and three different people had reported back to her mother. She knew most of them through church, and there was no shortage of religious fanatics working in and around the local shops. Sharon much preferred the safety of the shops near Raja, where no one she knew would frequent.

Her goodbye gifts already picked out, Sharon decided to just wander a little, mostly searching for the cider Raja had been begging her to get and hoping her nausea would calm down. She was just reaching for the third can when somebody bumped into her.

“Ooh, sorry!” A soft voice said. Sharon looked up, making eye contact with a gentle-looking woman. She was blushing with embarrassment, and gesturing apologetically towards her swollen stomach.

“I’m still figuring out how to manoeuver myself with this one! Sorry, sweetheart.” The woman continued. She patted Sharon’s shoulder before continuing on her way, the mishap already forgotten in her mind.

In complete contrast to the kindly woman, Sharon felt as though a cold fist had squeezed her heart into a vice grip. It was as if sense had slapped her straight in the face, and she was reeling from the sting of the revelation.

Feeling sicker than ever, she tossed the drinks into her bag and walked to the opposite corner of the store. A burning shame permeated her whole body as she scanned the aisle, overwhelmed with choice. It made her beyond angry that her supposed faith, something she didn’t believe in and never would, could still condition her to feel so disgusting.

The innocent white boxes lined the aisle from top to bottom, wall to wall. Some of them had smiling babies on, with big blue eyes and no teeth. Some had large, rounded bumps, as though the idiot models really needed that purchase just to make sure. Some of them were just plain and simple. Some of them showed couples embracing together, their loving expressions mocking her. We’re married, financially-stable adults planning a family. You’re a slut.

She snatched the closest one from the shelf and left, her cheeks flaming.

The cashier, of course, said nothing. He had no reason to care about the anxieties of a seventeen year old, despite Sharon’s worry that everyone was judging her. He didn’t even blink when she snatched up the offending box and buried it underneath the rest of her purchases, trying to pretend it wasn’t there.

At Raja’s house, it was all she could think about. The three cans of cider - which were, admittedly, amazing - had been poured into glasses, but she felt too nauseous to have much more than a sip of her own. It took all that she had to try and look normal, to mask the sickness and the anxiety that wrestled in the pit of her potentially-pregnant stomach. 

It was terrifying.

Whenever she spaced out, becoming entrapped in her own thoughts, she laughed herself out of it, pretending to Raja and Jinkx that she was just feeling a little dreamy.

“It’s probably sex-withdrawal.” Raja laughed. “I get all spacey when I haven’t fucked in too long. It’s been forever since we ran into asshole Justin for the first time. You haven’t been fucked in at least a month. It’s so bad when you get the bug for it. Go and find a man, it’ll drive you crazy if you don’t.”

Jinkx clinked their glasses together, clearly in agreement. “Or I’ll do it. Girls know what girls like.”

Sharon forced out a laugh. “Ha, maybe. I’m just gonna use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

Her mind was fixated on that evil box, still sitting at the bottom of her bag. If she didn’t do it now, she would never have the courage to find out. Her bubbling apprehension wouldn’t be able to stay simmering long enough to play the waiting game. She had to find out, if only to put her mind at rest.

She practically tore through the box, gulping as the little stick fell into her hands. It was a clean slate, waiting to predict her future. Reading the instructions on how to make the plastic fortune-teller work, she sat and wished the damn thing would just stay blank. She needed to know, but knew she couldn’t face it.

“If sufficient levels of HCG are present then…” Sharon mumbled under her breath, reading the label. She almost tossed it onto the floor when she reached the end.

How obnoxious. If she was pregnant, two lines would appear, and the little smiley face already at the end of the stick would smile at her, reflecting the happiness that all new mothers should feel. To most people who bought it, it was a sweet memory to look back on. To Sharon, it would be a garish joker, taunting her of her stupidity.

In order to avoid arousing suspicion, she activated the test and then shoved it deep into her pocket. As a decoy, she flushed the toilet, washed her hands and headed out, making a show of looking calm and casual. Her cider glass was empty, and the mischievous grins of her friends told her exactly where the drink had gone.

“You snooze, you lose.” Jinkx told her triumphantly. “Sorry. Did you buy any more?”

“No. I didn’t buy anything else.” Sharon said, a little too quickly. “It’s okay, anyway. You guys like it more than I do.”

Any conversation she tried to make was pointless, and every fibre of her being just wanted to burst into tears. It would be a while until she saw Raja and Jinkx again, after they’d left, and she didn’t want them to remember her as depressed and dull, a shell of the lively girl they knew her as. That was how she’d been ever since Justin left, even with her distractions on the side, but now it was worse than ever. The worry was killing her.

All she needed was to see one line, and the smiley face would look kindly, reminding her that even though her luck was terrible, somebody up there was on her side. Surely, someone up there had seen how her heart had been broken three times by lovers, about to be broken a fourth by her friends, and would cut her some slack. There was no way she was that unlucky.

Whilst Raja and Jinkx started discussing their plans for the future, Sharon held her breath and started to count.

“I wonder how many hot French boys there’ll be in Paris.”

One, two, three, four, five, six… What happens if there’s a positive? What if it’s a false?

“Apparently the place is like, rife with lesbians. There’s an infestation. Sounds like my kinda place.”

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen… Could I really be pregnant?

“My dad paid for the nicest accommodation ever, I’m so excited. You two have to visit me there!”

Twenty eight, twenty nine, thirty, thirty one, thirty two, thirty three… How will I pay for a baby? I’ll need to get a job and find somewhere to live…

“My halls have this huge auditorium! We could put on a concert there!”

Forty two, forty three, forty four, forty five, forty six, forty seven… Would I be a good mom? What do you even do?

“I’m gonna miss you so much, Sharon. You gotta come and visit.”

Fifty five.

“Yeah! Same here. I wish you could come too.”

Fifty six. I’ll be fine. It’s gonna be fine.

“I can’t believe our last show is next weekend. It’s all happening so fast.”

Fifty seven. Fuck, it’s not going fast enough.

“This summer has been the best one ever. I’ll never forget it.”

Fifty eight. This has been the longest minute of my life.

“Me neither. I feel like everything has changed this summer. It’s completely unforgettable.”

Fifty nine. Oh god, I can’t look.

“God, I love you girls so much.”

Sixty.

She looked.

“Are you crying?”

Sharon wiped her eyes with her sleeve, chuckling weakly. “Oh, ignore me, seventeen and crying over my friends. I’m just thinking about how much I’m gonna miss us! I’m nothing without you two, my best friends.”

Raja softened. “Aww, sweetheart! You’re a strong, fiercely independent woman, whether we’re here or not. I’m gonna miss you every day!”

“I think we need a hug, no more tears.” Jinkx insisted. “Hugs fix everything.”

Sharon laughed once again, sniffing as she buried herself into her friend’s embrace. Hugs fix everything, except for when you have an unfixable problem growing inside you. 

Two little lines stared back at her.

Justin had cheated; Jaremi had run away; Willam had gone home. Her two best friends - her only friends - were leaving: Raja for Paris and Jinkx for Amsterdam.

And Sharon was pregnant.

-

It wasn’t going away. Normally, if she tried hard enough, she could simply ignore the problem and it would go away. It would disappear and float away into the ether, and she would wonder why she had ever worried about something so obsolete.

It wasn’t working this time.

For one, it never left her mind. Her dreams were cursed with visions of shrieking babies and boyfriends who would flit in and out, breaking up with her in various ways. During the day, her mind was haunted in the same way - the vision of that positive swirling in the back of all of her thoughts. She had an aversion to the fish in the marketplace and thought, absentmindedly, it was probably to do with that. She saw babies being carried by their sweet, caring mothers and wondered if she really had it in her to be a mom, or whether she had to take some kind of action to end it.

Secondly, her sickness only worsened. In order to avoid her mother noticing, she had been leaving the house early; she rose before five just so she could go out and be sick somewhere else. The nausea didn’t seem to want to leave her, either. It hung around all day, jolting her stomach at the slightest scent it didn’t agree with. Two nights ago, at the taverna, the heady scent of beer had set her off, leading to Raja and Jinkx performing without her as she retched in the dressing room toilet. All she had to do was say she had a bug, and they left it at that. Even when she seemed fine, they didn’t ask. Sharon was glad for that. When she flat-out refused to perform the next night, they shrugged and assumed she was still wobbly.

And last - but worst of all - it wasn’t physically going away. The damned thing was slowly becoming more visible, and she had begun to notice it.

The final Supermodels show had come upon them, and Sharon decided she couldn’t miss it for the world. It was a Saturday; in just four short days, her friends would be jetting off to begin the next chapter of their lives, leaving her to figure out how she would handle the next chapter of her own. Despite her anxiety and nausea, Sharon was resolute. She was going to do the show.

A full length mirror stood before her. They had decided, for their grand ‘going away’ performance, they would break out the showy little number they reserved for special occasions. Each of them had a specific colour dress - Sharon in blue, Raja in orange and Jinkx in green - which reached about mid-thigh and clung tight. There was a zip at the back and sequins bedazzling the entire outfit. It was beautiful.

It was also too small.

Sharon had always been slim. Growing up with her strict mother, who was always the type to belittle her for eating too much, she had been spindly and wiry for most of her childhood. As she’d gotten older, she’d grown a little curvier - not as curvy as Jinkx, but not as skinny as Raja. Either way, she had always been a slim girl. But now she was changing, and rapidly.

“Damn, girl! You could take somebody’s eyes out with those!” Jinkx had joked earlier that evening, gesturing at Sharon’s chest. That was worrying enough, but it only increased when she tried the fucking dress on.

It would not zip. The tiny zip went over her thighs, just towards her hips, and then stopped. No amount of force could tug it upwards, no matter how hard she tried. The little tell-tale tummy she’d acquired was making sure of that. Against her better judgement, she tried to suck it in, but to no avail. The curve of her tummy remained, the zip stayed stuck.

Examining herself in the mirror, Sharon frowned. Her chest felt tight. Her own body felt alien, as though it didn’t belong to her. Instead it belonged to that thing, the thing taking up residence inside her.

Sharon mustered as much courage as she could simply to open her mouth. It took a few seconds for the words to follow.

“Hey I… I don’t think I’m gonna do the show tonight. You girls go ahead without me.”

It was pathetic, how shaky and unsure she sounded. Raja and Jinkx’s fluid conversation about whether they should ever switch up the colour scheme silenced immediately, and Sharon cursed herself. It was the last show the girls might ever get to do in their current states, their final goodbye to this part of their lives. They couldn’t just do it without her.

Jinkx sounded hurt. “We’re a trio! We can’t be The Supermodels if we’re a duo!”

“Just do it!” Sharon snapped, her voice shrill. Reality was falling onto her shoulders, crushing her beneath its weight, and the fear of change had encapsulated her heart. If they carried on asking questions, she would have to tell them, and if she had to tell them then she had to acknowledge that it was happening, and she really really really was not ready to acknowledge what was happening.

At her tone, Raja’s voice softened. “Still not feeling good, darling?” She asked. She sounded almost motherly, tinged with the care and love Sharon knew she wouldn’t get from her own mother. “It’ll pass, I promise.”

Sharon sighed. “Yeah. B-But it’s not just that.”

“What else is stopping you?” She pressed, gently.

All at once, everything that was stopping her seemed to form an avalanche of emotion, crushing her chest and squeezing her ribcage until she could do nothing but break. Tears began brimming in Sharon’s eyes, slowly enough that it gave Jinkx and Raja time to edge forwards until they were just behind her screen.

“My… my dress. It doesn’t… fit, anymore.” Sharon sniffed, trying to hold back the steadily increasing stream of her tears with little success. Every fibre of her being didn’t want to tell them, didn’t want to have to acknowledge it, but there was no avoiding it now.

Sharon covered her face as they joined her, all three staring into the same mirror. Her vision was blurred from the tears, and she felt Raja’s hand on her exposed back, where the dress should’ve been zipped. Each of them just stared, not sure what to say, not wanting to assume the obvious.

“Take it off, sweetie,” Jinkx instructed softly, moving to assist Raja in unzipping the dress and letting Sharon step out of it. “That’s it, you’re okay.”

In just her underwear, Sharon felt more exposed than ever. There was no hiding her secret from her friends anymore, no convenient bags or flowy shirts to obscure it from sight. The tears slowed a little, allowing her a shaky view of herself in the mirror. Jinkx and Raja clung to her as if trying to keep her in one piece, seeming to sense how close she was to collapsing.

“Fucking Justin.” Raja cursed, quietly. “He did this to you.”

Sharon pushed down the doubts in her mind, the subtle suggestion that maybe this wasn’t him. She knew it was likely, but she knew there were two other candidates who she could never mention.

“I know,” She breathed. “I don’t know what to do.”

Jinkx bit her lip. “You can either keep it or… not.”

“I’m not ready to make that choice.”

“You shouldn’t have to be.” Raja butted in, her tone fierce and her eyes flaming. “He should’ve been more careful, he shouldn’t have let this fucking happen to you!”

“It takes two, Raj!” Sharon found herself almost shouting. “It wasn’t just him! This isn’t his fault.”

In a moment of confusing, blind anger, Sharon stormed away from her friends to gather her regular clothes, tired of feeling vulnerable and naked. The tension in the dressing room had quickly become thick enough to cut, as it became clear that neither of the three girls knew how to react to the situation they were confronted with.

“Why are you defending him? You should be furious. This is huge.” Raja changed her tone, suddenly solemn and serious.

Sharon sighed. “Don’t you see? I have nothing to be furious at. Justin’s gone, he doesn’t know anything about this. I can’t get mad at him for something he knows nothing about.” She paused. “And… I don’t know. It doesn’t seem fair to get mad at…”

Her throat closed up. Jinkx, her eyes welling up with tears, rushed over and nearly toppled her with the force of her bear hug.

“The baby.” She supplied, tearfully saying what Sharon didn’t seem to be able to do. “You can’t be furious at a baby.”

Immediately after, the mood of the room seemed to shift. Everything was out in the open now. Jinkx had delivered the bomb they were all waiting for, and now they had to discuss the fallout.

“The baby,” Raja repeated, seemingly awestruck. “Oh my god, there’s a baby.” 

Sharon wrapped her arms around her stomach, as if to hide it. “There’s a baby.”

She told them as much as she could bear; the nights with Justin, the bouts of sickness and the strange dreams, how she had taken the test in Raja’s house and kept up the smiles as her world crashed down at her feet. Now that she was confessing it all to her friends, she felt bad for being so secretive. Part of her knew she should tell them about the other potential fathers, but for the sake of her own dignity she decided against it. They, of course, would never shame her, but she saw no sense in naming the two men that her friends would never meet. It was best not to overcomplicate things. After all, it was difficult enough with a baby.

“It’s okay, though,” Raja was saying, back to business as usual. “I’ll book you in with my doctor, darling, she’s fantastic. She does confidentiality like it’s nobody’s business, literally. Never told a soul when I had that STI test. Which, by the way, was negative because I’m clean.”

Her intelligent, abrupt nature was already doing wonders for Sharon’s peace of mind. Raja was always good at sorting through the bullshit - sometimes lacking in tact, but with a kind heart determined to fix each and every problem she encountered. 

“I can’t afford your doctor, Raj.” Sharon told her. “I don’t have any money of my own. And there’s no way my mom can pay without asking what it’s for and then finding out.”

Raja rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, Needles. I’m paying for the doctor, shut up.”

“You don’t ha-”

“Bitch, I said shut up. I’m paying for it. It’s not an offer or an obligation, I’m just doing it.”

She blew a kiss and stepped out of the dressing room as Sharon giggled weakly. Jinkx kissed her temple.

“Whatever decision you make, we’re with you the whole way.” She promised. “And we would be great aunties.”

Sharon nodded. “I don’t know what I’ll choose yet. Maybe I should just… give the thing up for adoption. I’d be a terrible mother. I don’t exactly have the best role model.”

Jinkx scoffed. “Be your own role model.” She shrugged. “If you decide to keep the baby, who’s to say you’d be a bad mom? I think you’d be amazing. It’s about love, not being perfect. And I know you have a lot of love in you.”

In some ways, Sharon appreciated Jinkx’s gentle, caring instincts more than her sly sense of humour. It was a relief to have a friend that she could laugh with and cry with, who would hold her tightly and work through her emotions until she could stand on her own two feet again. She had a feeling that, depending on the choice she made, their support would be all that she had to keep herself going.

Raja reappeared. “I cancelled the show. Let’s get you out of here.”

-

Two major changes had taken over Sharon’s life, and she finally felt prepared to face them. The morning, as she knew, would be difficult - she would be seeing off her friends in their brand new beginning and then getting ready to face her own. None of her decisions had been easy, but she felt that they were the best ones she could make.

Surprisingly, as she lingered at the top of the staircase, trying to fill herself with the confidence to walk past her mom and out of the door, she found that the old fear that used to gnaw at her was ebbing away. The heavily-adorned crosses all over the walls judged her and she judged them back, wondering how a woman who believed so deeply in a man dying for their sins could be so against love and acceptance. The so-called mother she had grown up with was nothing more than a bully using the cover of religion as a defense, and Sharon wasn’t going to be afraid of her anymore.

She headed downstairs.

“I’m going out,” She called into the kitchen. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to dash from the kitchen to the front door, and her mom soon confronted her.

“No you’re not, young lady.” She admonished. Her hands were covered in flour, leaving white marks all over her sensible floral dress. “The church bake sale is today and I told them we would be there to help sell everything. You’ve been slacking again, Sharon, and I won’t have it.”

All of her confidence gathered from moments ago deflated like a sad balloon. Still, Sharon stood fast. “Well, you’re gonna have to tell them they’re down a member, because I’m not going.”

Her mom narrowed her eyes. “Don’t argue with me. You know what I can do.”

“You can’t do shit to me.” Sharon bit back. “I’m going to see off Raja and Jinkx, they’re leaving today. That’s that.”

“It’s always about you, isn’t it?” Her mom replied, taking a step closer. Instinctively, Sharon took one back. “I slave away to make sure you have a home, food, a good Christian upbringing and a decent education, and what do I get in return? I get your rudeness, your attitude.”

Sharon tried to interject, but there was no stopping her.

“I give you a home, you’re never here. I feed you, you don’t eat it. I diligently take you to church and you swear and sin like a heathen, purposely embarrassing me when all I do is try and do my best for you. You didn’t try at school, and now you’re wasting your time on sin and recreation even when I try to offer alternatives. So I have to discipline you, and then you think I’m evil. I’m not evil, I’m not disgraceful. You are. You’re a selfish daughter.”

Already, Sharon could tell things were going to go from bad to worse. The morning had barely started and they were already getting into a heavy argument that she knew would end in disaster.

“I’m selfish? Because you like to hit me?” She asked, in disbelief. “Do you think I enjoyed telling my teachers that my bruises were from me being some kind of fucking idiot, because you told me you’d do it again if I told them the truth? Because I didn’t fucking enjoy that, mother.”

“Don’t use that vile language, Sharon. It’s unbecoming of a young lady, as far from one as you might be.” Her mom hissed. “I don’t enjoy hitting you. I do what’s necessary to keep you in line. Our Lord told us to discipline our children. All I ever try to do is his bidding. All you care about are disgusting words and disgusting sins.”

All at once, a surge of white-hot anger lacerated Sharon’s body, releasing the boldness that Raja and Jinkx had always urged her to use. “Oh, fuck you and your shitty religion. Fuck you, fuck God, fuck Dad for never being here. His shitty missionary activism means nothing. All you care about is that everyone follows your fucking Bible and you focus so much on the lives of innocent strangers that you don’t even notice the shit happening right in front of your own eyes!”

She was pacing now, trying to rid herself of the all-consuming frenetic energy. “Fuck you. I’m not the selfish one, you are.”

Her outburst would not go unpunished. As she had seen many times before, her mom’s eyes flashed dangerously. It was as if all at once, her kindly Christian mother facade had melted away, flickering back to reveal her twisted reality. Though physically, nothing changed besides the clenched jaw and closed fist, Sharon suddenly saw her through the lens of her childhood fears. She was eight feet tall, laughing maliciously, her hands slowly raising upwards as she prepared to deliver a menacing blow. It would leave bruises that she should be ashamed of, for the abusive monster had won again and again.

Not again.

“Don’t you fucking dare touch me!” Sharon yelled. Her eyes were filled with furious tears. “I will never let you treat me like a doormat ever again. I will never let you abuse me in the name of your fucking God. This isn’t just about me anymore, which you would know if you fucking paid attention to the child you pretend to love.”

Without even realising, Sharon cupped her hands over her stomach. Somewhere in there, tucked away in the small bump she could feel beneath her fingers, she knew her baby was rooting for her.

“You disgust me.”

Her mom’s tone was much quieter, the fiery, destructive anger replaced with the slow black smoke that lingered afterwards. It was tinged with loathing, telling of her honest reaction to the news. Somewhat calmed - unbelievably - by the feeling of the bump in her hands, Sharon closed her eyes.

“Mom, please.”

Anything else she wanted to say to defend herself dissipated. Her mom’s sheer hatred silenced her before she could even process her own thoughts.

“Seventeen?!” She exclaimed, incensed, and threw her hands up in the air. “And I did everything right, too. I was a good Catholic mother. Lord, what did I do to deserve a slut for a daughter?!”

Despite everything, it still felt like a punch in the gut to hear such scathing words from the only person who was supposed to love her unconditionally. Sharon had known she would react explosively, but it hurt more than she wanted to admit.

“Mom, I-”

The woman stood before her pursed her lips, perfectly still. Her gaze was livid, her body stiff with rage. She looked at Sharon as though she were scum, a piece of dirt, a blight on her picture perfect life.

“I didn’t raise you to be like this.”

“You didn’t raise me at all!” Sharon bit back. “You were never here for me. You’re a shitty mother!”

“I’m not your mother.” She delivered the final blow in a low voice. “No daughter of mine would turn out to be a whore. A slut. You’re on your own.”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Sharon raised her chin as high as she could. “Good riddance. This is the last time you’ll ever see me.”

“Get out of my house.”

Carrying only an old diary and an album full of photos with her, Sharon crossed the threshold of her front door for the last time, and heard it slam behind her. There was no going back now.

“We’re gonna be okay, you and me,” She whispered, her head hung low. “We’ll build a life together. I’ll be a good mom, I swear. I’ll show you just how much I love you, every day.”

#rpdr fanfiction #purecamp #our last summer #sharon needles #raja gemini #jinkx monsoon #alaska thunderfuck #submission #m/f au #mamma mia au

[praesidiumsystem-blog]

tw c*csa

im standing in the middle of a gravel road, it’s a dead end. my extended family lives here in the woods, half an hour drive from civilization. my cousins are playing in the with road some of the neighbour girls that live down the street, i’m 6 years old. i’m wearing a striped shirt i really like, with frills at the bottom. 

she runs up to me and shoves my arm and runs away shrieking and laughing “you have cooties!” this is a game of tag, which i am no good at. in hindsight i wonder if the “cooties” tag game was a reference to avoiding people who have STDs. i wonder what “cooties” are, but based on the context i figure it must not be good, because everyone’s running away from me before i’ve even started chasing back. her name is n*cole ev*rett. she’s 8. i’ll see her every summer vacation until i turn 12 or so. she’ll be my best friend away from my best friend, both of which will abuse me. she will be the lesser of two evils.

she stays the night with me at my aunts house, i stay the night with her at her parents house. she has one older sister and one younger sister, the latter of which is adopted and is very socially awkward. my cousins sleep in a pair of bunk beds. josh on the top, me on the bottom, porsche on the top of the other bunk, and mack on the bottom. they will all bully me and make me hate myself before i turn 10. we start playing things like truth or dare. no one ever suggests a dare because everyone knows this game is for revealing who you have a crush on. no one wants to tell. the noise of the box fan in the doorway lulls me to sleep night after night, it’s too hot to breathe. my stomach churns with anxiety. i don’t like anyone. i am afraid. i am afraid of everyone.

we stay up too late giggling and get in trouble a hundred times. they separate us a hundred times, and we sulk a hundred times. she’s funny and she makes me so happy. she kisses me with cherry chapstick on, the pressure of someone else’s lips strange on mine at 6 years old. no one knows, and she knows i wont tell, because she knows im afraid of everyone. she doesnt want me to be afraid of her.

summers pass. her parents are never home at night because they’re both overnight p*lice officers, and they sleep all day, krista and autumn are always out with their friends. she rubs her hands up under my shirt and brushes over my chest. my heart is in my throat.and i feel sick with anxiety and i don’t know what to call anxiety yet so my head swims and im terrified. i feel uncomfortable because i dont think you’re supposed to touch other people there. she rubs my stomach and moves her hand between my legs and feels around. she kisses me again with cherry chapstick, pushing her warm wet tongue between my lips.i would be frozen with fear if i werent shaking so much. she tells me not to be afraid, its just practice. practice for what, i cant imagine at 10 years old, but she wants to help me. she’s funny and makes me so happy. i try to stay inside my body but i know this isnt right. i say nothing. she knows i wont tell, because she knows im afraid of everyone. she doesnt want me to be afraid of her.

another school year passes, another summer comes. she tells me to touch her, too. it’s just practice. she moves my hand over her chest until i learn to do it on my own. she pushes my hand between her legs until i learn to do it on my own. she tells me im improving. despite the terror churning in my belly that someone will come in, or her parents will wake up, and they’ll call me disgusting and tell me its my fault and tell my mother im doing bad things, i feel like i want to keep improving at whatever it is im supposed to be getting better at. night, after night, after night, summer after summer after summer, i want to get better. i want to be told that the fear is worth it.

she moves away. i don’t get to say goodbye. year after year passes, a hollow forming slowly in my stomach like a black hole, eating away at the edges of my mind. did it really happen? was i making a big deal out of nothing? is that something everyone does? is everyone else not afraid when they do it? i cant ask. i cant risk my mother finding out i did something bad, she’ll hit me. i dont want to be hit.  in fact, i dont want to be touched at all, ever again. long pants it is. long jackets in summer it is. i try to stay inside my body. im empty.

year after year, again and again, more doubt seeps in, slowly dripping into my memories, obscuring them. maybe it wasnt that bad and im overreacting. maybe itll pay off somehow, even though no one  else has initiated that kind of thing with me all this time. pants turn into the same pair of jeans i wear every day for 3 years. my grey sweater becomes my safe space, so much so that my friends always draw me wearing it. some part of me feels like i’m naked all the time, no matter how much i’m wearing. people can see the shape of my body and its so, so ugly, couldnt be uglier. i cant hide nearly as much as i want to. i cant stop being in the body i have as much as i want to. it was so long ago, it shouldnt matter to me anymore, i try to stop worrying about it. relief by forgetting almost comes. 

she moves back. i’m in high school, still wearing jeans, even to bed, but sporting tshirts these days. my grandmother says i should go say hello. the same sickness churns in my stomach, i dont think i can see her again, but there’s so many questions i want answered. i knock, the floor of the trailer is still warped. the wallpaper is the same. her parents are still cops and are still gone 12 hours of the day. i sit on her floor and she flops onto her bed, turning on the t.v. she starts telling me about all the relationships she’s had and the boys she’s fucked. everything in her room seems to have cherries on it. she still smells like cherry chapstick. my mouth is bone dry and i cant look at her. 

we’re sitting on my cousins trampoline, the same night, a cherry lollipop in her mouth. i ask her, if she remembers, What We Did, before. this is the only question i manage to ask. a long beat of silence, my heart slowly suffocating me sitting still in my throat, hammering hard. “yeah,” she says, “i’m sorry” i anticipate all of the anxiety and fear and self loathing to disappear into the aether because she’s sorry, i cant believe it, ive wanted this for so long,but my heart sinks back into my chest, and down into my stomach, and out my feet, into the earth, into the core of the earth, melting into the core. “thank you,” i say. i don’t feel better. i don’t feel better at all. i never see her again. 

a year or two later, i’m in my moms car that i’m driving, and i hear a song start on the radio. it sounds like a boy singing, but for some reason the theme is about kissing a girl and it being a really weird thing to do, and i figure a woman must be singing. the chorus starts, “the taste of her cherry chapstick” sinks into my ears and melts inside my skull, im swimming, swimming. “you’re my experimental game”, my body is copying itself, there’s me in the driver seat, me in the middle ,me in the passenger seat, me outside the car, repeating, repeating. everywhere i go afterward this pop sensation seems to be playing. i figure there must be a thousand of me by now, creeping outside my body, getting further and further from the epicenter of my pain.

“i kissed a girl”, or rather, a girl kissed me, and i didnt like it. why didnt i like it? maybe im broken after all.

#[quentin] #[memories]

[dragqueen-eddie]

Our Last Summer (4)

Summary: The Losers come face to face with Pennywise.

A/N: I’m so sorry for not uploading, school started again and i’m currently procrastinating revising RE. I’ve been writing this for a week and its shitty im sorry.

(PART 1) (PART 2) (PART 3)

The Losers had gathered at the fair. You were all stood in an alley way looking at the missing kids posters, which had began to stack on the wall. Knowing that the posters were now stacking made you feel physically sick. The most recent poster had the name ‘Edward Corcoran’, plastered in bold on the front.

“They’re saying they found his arm all chewed up by the stand pipe.”

“He asked to borrow a pencil once.”

Bill stepped forward and flicked through the missing kids posters.

“It’s like when a new kid goes missing, the rest are forgotten.” You muttered

“Is it ever gonna end?” Stan said from beside you

“What are you talking about?” Eddie asked as he passed Richie an ice cream cone

“What they always talk about.” Richie scoffed, as he took the cone.

“I actually think it will end, At least for a little while.” Ben said, you all turned to him.

“What do you mean?” Bev asked

“I was going over all my Derry research and charted all the big events. The iron works explosion in 08, The Bradley gang in ‘35, and the blackspot in ‘62, and now all the missing kids... This stuff happens every 27 years.”

It was a little while later and you were all now sat on some benches in the park, all around the kids played and watched whatever was happening on the stage behind you all. You sat with you legs crossed and your head resting on your arm as you listened to them all talk.

“So let me get this straight... It comes out from wherever, eats kids and goes back into hibernation?” 

“Maybe its like... Cicadas? They come out every 17 years.” Stan spoke with a small shrug. Mike shook his head.

“My grandfather things this town is cursed. He says that all the bad things that happen in this town are because of one thing. One evil thing that feeds off the people of Derry.” Mike looked down at his hands

“It can’t be one thing, we all saw something different.” Stan said

“Or maybe IT knows what scares us the most and that’s what we see?” 

“I saw a leper, it was like a walking infection.” Eddie’s voice shook slightly. You thought to what you saw

“I saw Betty Ripsom in the woods, I was definitely not afraid of her.” You rolled your eyes slightly.

“But you didn’t. Because none of its real. Not Eddies Leper, Or Y/N seeing Betty, Or Bill seeing Georgie, Or the woman i keep seeing-”

“Is she hot?” Richie interrupted which gained a small groan from you

“No Richie. She’s not hot. Her face... its all messed up. None of this makes any sense. They’re all like bad dreams” Stan ranted 

“No they’re not i know the difference between a dream and reality, if it was a dream, how do you explain Y/N’s scratches huh?”

“What did you see? Did you see something too?” Eddie asked Mike.

“Yes. You know that burnt down house of Herrace avenue? I was inside when it burnt down. Before i was rescued, my mum and dad were trapped inside the next room. They kept trying to get to me. But it was too hot. When the fireman finally found them... The skin on their heads had melted down to the bone.” Mike’s lip quivered. You gave him a look of sympathy. “We’re all afraid of something.”

“You got that right.” Richie scoffed.

“What are you afraid of then?” You asked, He paused before replying.

“Clowns.”

The next day you all rode your bikes over to Bill’s house, and gathered in his garage. You helped Bill hang up a poster of Derry’s sewer system on the wall. The group gathered around the projector and looked at the wall, Bill  flicked on the projector and the town map appeared over the map of the sewers.

“Look.” Bill pointed the poster “Its where G-Georgie d-disappeared. There’s the iron works, and the black spot. Everywhere it happens, its all tied by the sewers. And they all meet up at the-”

“The well house.” Ben interrupted. You could feel your stomach sink as you could recall the story Ben had told you all at his house. 

“It’s in the house on Neibolt street.” You said quietly

“That creepy ass house where all the crackheads and hobos sleep?” Richie asked just as Eddie took out his inhaler.

“I hate that place, it always looks like its watching me.” Bev shivered 

“That’s where i saw it. That’s where i saw the clown.” Eddie wheezed 

“T-that where i-it lives.”

“I can’t imagine anything wanting to live there.” Eddie shot up from his seat and stood in front of the group

“Can we stop talking about this? I-I can barley breath! It’s summer! We’re kids! I-I’m having a fucking Asthma attack! I’m not doing this!” Eddie shouted before ripping the poster off the wall

“What the hell! Put the map back!” Bill shouted the Eddie, just as he finished the projector started the flip through the pictures on its own. your breath hitched in your throat, pictures of Bill’s family began to project onto the walls, pictures of his mum, dad, him... and Georgie,

“Whats happening?” You stood up with wide eyes. Mike tried to fix the projector but the pictures just kept changing, Until it got to a slide of Bill’s parents with Georgie, His mum’s face was covered by a messy mass of ginger hair. The slides began to change again, this time more rapid. Instead of the pictures changing it stayed on the same picture, just zooming in on Bill’s mother, it sped up until it began to look like a moving picture. The hair began flowing and it revealed a clowns face, smiling sickly at you all. You screamed and everyone around you began to stand. You could feel your breathing increase, Richie was shouting and so was Eddie.

“Turn it off! Turn it off!” Bev shouted, and Mike kicked it over, though that didn’t do anything. The projector just continued to click. It projected another image of the clown onto the wall, where Stan stood. It continued to do so until the image was empty. You held your breath unknowingly. The projector clicked one one time before the clown came to life and jumped out of the wall. You screamed again and backed against a wall, vaguely aware of everyone around you shouting to Stan. The lights flashed on and off as the clown crawled across the garage, trapping Bev against the wall. You snapped out of whatever trance you were in and ran over to the garage door and pulled it open, light began flooding in and the clown was gone. Bev staggered over to you and thanked you before going to hug Bill.

“What the fuck was that?” You asked, wheezing slightly

“It saw us! IT knows where we are!” Eddie shouted

“It always did.” Bill muttered as he walked out of the garage and into the bright day light. “Let’s go.”

“Go where?” You asked, a puzzled look on your face.

“Neibolt. That’s where G-Georgie is.” Bill looked determined.

“After that? Are you crazy?” Stan shouted

“Yeah its summer. We should be outside.” Richie murmured.

“If you say its S-Summer one more f-fucking t-time,” Bill said angrily as he grabbed Silver, and rode away. Leaving the rest of you.

“Bill! Wait/2 Bev shouted after him but he simply ignored her and continued on. 

“We should go after him. Come on.” You said as you walked over to your bike and climbed onto it, Bev followed and so did the rest, albeit reluctantly.

“Bill!” Bev shouted to him, h was stood in front of the Neibolt house’s doors. “Bill you can’t go in there! This is Crazy!”

Bill stood his ground in front of the group, a determined look on his face.

“Look! You don’t have to come with me. But what happens when another Georgie goes missing? Or another Betty? Or another Ed Corcoron? Or one of us? Are you gonna pretend that it isn’t happening like the rest of the people in this town? Because i can’t. I go home and see that Georgie isn’t there. His clothes, his toys, his stupid stuffed animals but.... He isn’t. So walking into this house, for me... It’s easier than walking into my own.”

“Wow.” You glanced at Richie who was stood beside you.

“What?” Bev asked

“He didn’t stutter once.” Richie said before walking up the porch stairs of Neibolt. The rest of you began to follow, but were stopped by Stan.

“Wait! Shouldn’t we have people keep watch?” He asked. You could tell he was terrified to even be stood in the house’s garden. “You know, just in case something bad happens?” 

“Who wants to stay out here?” Bill asked, everyone except you, Bev, and Bill raised their arms. 

“You guys are wimps.” You sighed.

“Fuck.”

In the end, the group decided to draw straws. Bill, Eddie, and Richie were the ones that ended up going inside. You, Bev, Ben, Mike and Stan stood outside, staring at the house.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this Bevvie.” Bev looked over to you and put her hand on your shoulder. 

“They’ll be fine...” She muttered, but her tone sounded as if she was trying to convince herself that they would. 

Behind you Stan had began crying, You turned around and walked over to him.

“I can’t go in that house Mike. I can’t.” He sobbed quietly. You felt your heart drop, you looked over to mike who had the same sad look in his eyes. He put his arms around you both and you leaned into Mikes side.

After a few moments of being stood like that, crashing and screaming could be heard inside the house. All of you jumped and looked at each other.

“We gotta get inside. They might be in danger.” You said to them, Bev nodded in agreement.

“Shouldn’t we get somehelp? Like an adult?” Mike asked, fear evident in his voice.

“Adults are the ones ignoring this shit. We’ve got to go in before its too late!” You shouted, Bev looked around the garden and picked up a bit of fence that had broken off.

“Come on.” She said before running into the house, you ran after her and so did the others. 

The five of you followed the sound of voices into what you assumed was the kitchen. You got there in the nick of time, The clown was running over to Richie in Bill but Bev quickly impaled it through the head. Your hands went to cover your mouth as you screamed, its face was distorted and the blood didn’t drip or flow like a humans... It just floated. 

“Get Eddie!” Someone shouted but you couldn’t move. You were frozen in fear. You just stared at the clown, your breathing heavy. The rest of the losers were screaming, trying to help Eddie up, but all you could do was watch the creature in horror. Its hand became distorted and turned to talons. It stepped forward and screamed, making the others scream too. It laughed a twisted laugh before turning and slashing its talons on you and Ben. It slashed Ben’s stomach and Grazed the top of your thigh, That’s when you snapped out of your trance. Pain took over your leg and you bucked over, letting out a whimper of pain. Your leg felt like it was on fire, white hot pain shot through your leg as you tried to stand to escape. Your breathing was rapid as you could feel hot tears racing down your face.

“Don’t let him get away!” Bill said, strangly calm as he got up and followed IT. 

“Bill! We have to help Eddie!” Richie shouted “I’m gonna snap your arm back into place!”

“Don’t you fucking touch me!” Eddie shouted, holding his arm away from Richie, which became evidently futile as Richie grabbed it and snapped it back with a sickening crack. Eddie screamed out in pain. 

The group began to run out of the house. Richie and Bill helping Eddie as you tried to support your weight. You screamed in pain as you fell over.

“Guys! I can’t walk!” You screamed, Bev ran over to you and helped you up, she supported most of your weight as you ran to the door as fast as you could. Bev helped you down the stairs. Richie held his bike up and helped Bev get you onto the back. He quickly peddled away , as he did you risked a glance at your leg. The flesh was ripped open and blood stained your shorts. You let out a whimper as you felt tears flow down your face again.

“You! You did this!” Eddies mum pointed an acussing finger at you all, as she grabbed him roughly and threw him into the car. 

“W-w-we were atacked M-Mrs. K-”

“No! Don’t!” She shouted, silencing Bill “Don’t try and blame anyone else.” She shouted. She began to fumble with her keys, dropping them on the ground.

“Let me help-” Bev began to bend down to grab her keys for here but was silenced by Eddies mum

“Don’t! Get back!” She said as she bent down, with obvious difficulty. “I know what they say about you miss marsh. And you (L/N) and i don’t want dirty girls like you toughing my son.” She got close to your faces, you leaned back. Richie, who was helping you stand and keep steady, frowned at her words. She began to walk back to her car, with a few more insults to you all, she got into the car and drove off, Eddie looked through the window at you all with a frown as she drove away. The group walked into the road and watched them drive off. 

“I saw the Well. I k-know where IT is. A-And next time w-we’ll be more p-prepared.” Bill stuttered as he turned to the group. The idea of returning to that place made you sick to your stomach.

“No! There will be no next time Bill!” Stan shouted, he looked near enough to tears again. “You’re insane!”

“Why? We all know no one else is gonna do anything.” Bev sighed 

“Eddie was almost killed! Y/N can barley walk! And this mother fucker is leaking hamburger helper!” Richie shouted, He used his free arm to motion at Ben, who stood with his hand on his wound.

“We can’t pretend it’s gonna go away!” Bev shouted, You had never seen her more determined. “Ben you said it yourself it comes back every 27 years.”

“Fine! I’ll be 40 and far away from here.” Ben frowned. “I thought you wanted to get out of this town too.”

“because i want to run towards something. Not away.”

“I’m sorry but who invited Molly Ringwald into the group?” Richie shouted, you gave him a little push. “I’m just saying! Lets face facts! Georgie is dead stop trying to get us killed too!”

“T-Take that B-Back.” Bill growled. Richie pushed you away, Stan grabbed you before you could fall over. 

“Richie-!” You began, but before you could finish, Bill and Richie began to fight. 

“Guys stop it!” 

“This isn’t going to solve anything!”

“Stop it!”

Richie got pushed to the floor and you and Stan held him back and Ben and Mike held Bill back

“You’re just a bunch of fucking losers! Stop!” Richie shouted as he puched you and Stan away. 

“This is what IT wants. It wants to divide us! We were all together when we hurt it. That’s why we’re still alive!” Bev shouted.

“Yeah? Well i plan to keep it that way.” Richie shouted as he walked towards his Bike, Shoving Bill. Stan, Mike and Ben followed. Yous stood rooted in the ground and Bev turned to you.

“Y/N-” she started but you shook your head.

“I can’t do this Bevvie. I’m sorry.” You muttered, frowning at her. You hobbled over to Stan who helped you onto the back of his bike. You looked back at Bev and Bill as you rode away. You felt guilty for leaving Bev like that, she was spur best friend. But, you couldn’t do this. Not after what had just happened.

It had been a week since after the incident at Neibolt and you still hadn't spoken to Bev. You ignored all her phone calls, asked your mum to say you were out if she came to your house, You even hid behind dumpsters if you saw her in public. Your mum had almost fainted when she saw your leg, Stan had ridden you home that night, helping you to your house. He even helped calm your mother, coming up with an excuse.

“Y/N where have you been- Oh dear god what happened to your leg!” Your mother shrieked. Your arm was around Stans shoulders as you stood at the door. Your mother stepped out of the way and let Stan walk you inside and sit you on a chair in the hall way.

“It was a dog. A big dog came out of nowhere while we were in the woods today. It jumped on her, but i managed t get it away, but i was a bit to late.” He rushed out

“Thank you, young man. Oh dear God we have to get you to A&E.” she sounded hysterical. She put your arm around her shoulder and stood you up, She grabbed her keys from the table and walked out of the door. Stan followed behind and closed the door. Your mother shoved you into the car and shut the door. 

“Do you need a ride, young man?” She asked Stan. He shook his head, and got onto his Bike. You watched him ride off down your street as your mother started the car.

After that, it was you, Stan and Richie. It was weird at first but you soon grew close to them. It was hard not to after the indecent. You found yourself sat in Stan’s Bar Mitzvah, next to Richie. You sat in a state of entertained shock as you listened to his speech. You couldn’t help but laugh quietly to yourself as Richie stood up, applauding him.

A few days after Stan’s Bar Mitzvah, you were left home alone. Your leg had healed enough that you were no longer in pain when you walked on it. You were sat at the kitchen table, finishing your summer homework when the doorbell rang. You looked up and glanced to your mum.

“Go and answer the door sweetie. I’m a bit busy right now.” She said as she took the laundry out of the washing machine. You sighed as you stood up and walked to the door, not evening looking through the glass at who it was. There stood Bev, an apologetic look on her face. You frowned at her.

“What do you want?” You asked

“Y/N listen, I need to talk to you. I want to apologise for what happened. I shouldn't have tried to push you like that, it’s my fault you’re injured. Please forgive me?” Her voice was sad, you could tell she was truly sorry.

“There’s no need to apologise Bev. It’s not your fault im injured, that’s all me. I was... Paralysed. I couldn’t move at all. That’s why i’m injured.” You gave her a small smile “Do you maybe wanna catch a movie? I heard that that new Nightmare On Elm Street was pretty good.” Bev laughed lightly and you both shared a smile

“Sure. I’D like that.”

Tag list: @sound-board-controls @its-called-being-spontaneous @veryweirdintrovert @heartless--girls @aritzapander @holycoldcoffee @michi-bruh @funelatra

(ones in italic are those who i couldn’t tag)

#IT movie #richie tozier #it 2017 #beverly marsh #mike hanlon #stan uris #eddie kaspbrak #ben hanscom #bill denbrough #losers club imagine #it imagine #it 2017 imagine #richie tozier x reader #beverley marsh x reader #mike hanlon x reader #eddie kaspbrak x reader #bill denbrough x reader #ben hanscom x reader

[honeyedmilks]

1-12, 14-19, 27-29, 32. 42 and 54 :D You don't have to answer them all hahaha

assiehfaefa ima answer them all! thank you so much angel!

1: favourite kdrama

let’s say that my current favourites are; the princess’ man, and jealousy incarnate!

2: least favourite kdrama

least favourite… hwarang, strong woman do bong soon, and drinking solo. i just dislike these. but if we’re talking one i like but wouldn’t have at the top of my list… then moon lovers. 

3: first kdrama i watched:

it was boys over flowers!!! wow!!! the memories… the tears… so iconic… i couldn’t watch lee min ho in anything for a long time because go jyun pyo broke my heart!!! 

4: last kdrama i watched: 

i’m currently watching school 2017 (!!!!!!!!!!!! kim tae woon i loveth you) and also watching an oldie drama called the woman who still wants to marry. it’s based around female friendship and i’m at ep 11 and still going!

5: kdrama otp (s):

oh boy so here we go!!! in no particular order, here are some pairings i really do love/ cried over/ had lots of feelings over!!

kim shin and eun tak (i miss my sweet souls) from goblin

lee se ryung and kim seung yoo from the princess’ man

park do kyung and oh hae young from oh hae young again

pyo na ri and lee hwa shin from jealousy incarnate

do min joo and cheong song yi from my love from another star

i’m sure there are more but these are whay come to mind right now! :’)

6: kdrama notp (s)

dugfsfhdsi 

wang so with tragedy and injustice!!!

7: preferred drama genre

honestly it first of all romance, but these days i love a good melodrama! romantic comedies are good too if they’re done well! i do also love a good fantasy… or saeguk, but again it depends on what kind of saeguk… drama’s about friendships… family… they can be really interesting. i’ll be honest and say my least favourite genre are workplace dramas. 

8: first drama i considered my favourite:

ooh… that’s hard… let me think… i think it was reply 1988- until it crushed my pathetic heart into a million pieces.

9: favourite korean actors

ooh… gong yoo (not just because he’s a fantastic actor but he’s also such a lovely awesome guy),

lee joon gi (for his magnificent micro-expressions)

ryu jun yeol (WHEN WILL HE RETURN TO DRAMALAND???!!!)

jo jung suk (you all must see him in jealousy incarnate)

seo in guk 

seo kang joon (he played my love, baek in ho)

 and so ji sub!

10: favourite korean actress (es)

zamn let’s do this then!

gong hyo jin (she is sooo lovely and brilliant!!)

kim go eun (again lovely and brilliant!!!) 

jun ji hyun (who doesn’t love her dramas tho) 

shin min ah (i love all these talented ladies so much it’s not even funny)

yoo in nah

uee

kim hee-ae

kim seul gi 

and lee sung kyung!

11: favourite kdrama cliche

ha! i honestly am such a sucker for the main leads doing sweet things like looking after the female lead when she’s hurt- even if it’s buying her medicine, looking after her when she’s drunk. just thoughtful things in general. and i like it when the female lead does the same for the male lead. like just doing lovely things for the other :( 

i am also a whore for long hidden glances and petty silly jealousy or crushing babbling nonsense (not like scary jealousy tho) and honestly who doesn’t love a good hearts racing, cheeks blushing cliche moment? 

when drama’s do parodies of other famous drama’s idhfud they just take the mick it’s so funny

food, everywhere, yummy ramen, yummy spicy rice cakes… yummy… yumness…

oh and a good crying scene… shed those dramatic tears my boy!!!!

12: least favourite kdrama cliche

wrist grabbing oiadhc’iuafh 

MISUNDERSTANDINGS, like the real ugly kind

noble idiocy is just… it rarely works… please stop making my soul suffer… 

evil mothers ;(((((( 

the dreaded make over

14: boys over flowers or secret garden?

boys over flowers!!!! watching secret garden makes me sightly sick now oahiduhfa the main lead :////// plus bof has lee min ho and his perm and i live for that look

15: weightlifting fairy kim bok joo or cheese in the trap?

now what cruel person… i want to say cheese in the trap just because i love baek in ho so much and it was such a thrill at the start… but i’ll have to go with weightlifting fairy… there’s more pro’s in this drama… like the fact i actually finished it when it was airing… 

16: jealousy incarnate or oh my ghostess?

definitely jealousy incarnate, lee jong suk is really brilliant as lee hwa shin and even though i have to admit that i didn’t watch the side stories, and mostly only the stories of lee hwa shin and pyo nari… it’s still better than oh my ghostess in my opinion. the latter show made me uncomfortable- mostly due to the fact the main lead was falling in love with a mix of two people. it just made me a bit itchy :(( and sad :(( because then the romance is a bit of a mess

17: descendants of the sun or w: two world?

hmm.. i actually did start descendants but dihfiadhf for the life of me could not get past the first two episode, maybe it was the dramatic love song at the end of their first meeting that had me both scratching my head and stifling laughter. but i’ve heard good things about w, and did want to pick it up until i heard the ending went a bit lopsided, so to save myself disappointment, i did not watch it. 

18: moonlight drawn by clouds or legend of the blue sea?

okay so this is tricky… mdbc is critically… probably a better drama but despite it’s flaws i really have to say legend of the blue sea. i watched it the whole way through, and i really love the soundtrack (which im actually listening to as i answer these) and the main characters, and it made me laugh a lot even if i did cry a little over the greatness it could’ve been :((

19: strong woman do bong soon or shopping king louie?

dsuigfiddifdfiv shopping king louie! how cute were booksil and louie ::((( so cute!!

27: favourite kdrama bromance

okay so this is an interesting question… probably the friendship between park do kyung and all his male friends from oh hae young again… their loyalty was heart warming, but grimsie and kim shin from goblin were cute friends too.

28: favourite kdrama friendship

i have a few!

oh hye won and her friend ji soo from secret love affair. i really loved their friendship, how ji soo was a pillar of support for hye won, she was a real friend. 

i really truly love the friendship between the three main female leads in the woman who still wants to marry- it’s so warm. 

oh hae young and her friend in oh hae young again are also very sweet, i’m really glad hae young had a friend she could talk to. 

oh and the friendships between shim cheong and all her cute oddball friends in legend of the blue sea :’((( that was pure stuff right there

and let’s not forget the kids and family on the block in reply 1988, its honestly so lovely :’((

i feel like there’s almost always a sidekick friend in kdrama’s but never are they good friendships that make me feel things :( sometimes the friend is just a prop 

29:  favourite actor/actress duo? (one male, one female)

oooh… this is hard… if this was bollywood it would be easier because i would’ve just said kajol and sharukh khan… but here… lemme think… now that i think about it… i really liked gong hyo jin with so ji sub in the master’s sun. i also really liked park hyun sik and lim ji yeon together in high society. but otherwise… my brain is frazzled!! 

how could i forget minah and namgung min in beautiful gong shim :((( they had such great chemistry 

but lets be real jo jung suk and gong hyo jin in jealousy incarnate were hilarious. 

32: do you watch drama’s with 30 plus episodes?

oh boy oh boy… i think i did watch one? but skipped a load of it to watch one couple… i mean i’ve thought about it? especially with father is strange… but it’s a pretty rare case. i know i’ve started some but couldn’t get through them all :(

42: favourite kdrama kiss scene 

ihfr’iue ye’qewu the kisses in coffee prince… are truly something… 10/10

54: recommend 3 fluffy AF dramas

efrhiptfuohf’rgh let us see… this is hard because kdrama’s don’t like being complete fluff… but the woman who wants to marry is a wild bit of fun :((

my girlfriend is a gumiho is a really nice watch, wouldn’t call it 100% fluff because… i cried a little 

oh and splash splash love is short and sweet without being too silly :’)

and i guess my only love song is a load fluff, you can enjoy its strange antics and not take it too seriously! 

thank you for these lovely questions

send me some asian drama asks!  

#replies^^^ #someone save my not very decisive ass #kdrama asks #kdrama #sorry for any typos! #tracyx11 #tumbly talks: kdrama edition

[lalunangel]

Ojo.

I have a lot of stories where eyes would touch my skin and harm me just because I had something they lacked.. But the last time I had gotten it I was 14 and I assumed I was finally acceptable by the nature of adult women and men. I was not. In North Carolina a pair of evil eyes grazed and racked my body in a little black dress and green cardigan. My sister said I looked like Marry Poppins. I felt cute and empowered. But that entire night I sat there.. She was staring at me.. I assumed it was because my hair was red.. And I looked like christmas. I have it written down in a journal I took with me.. About how this woman made me feel. I was uncomfortable under her gaze and slowly I started to weaken and feel sick. I got cold chills and the fever I broke befire boarding my plane shot up. I was shaking. When they introduced me as one of the bridesmaids I felt everyones necks break to judge me.. But her eyes never left. I know it was her because her boyfriend spoke to me and I didn’t know and I laughed and told him I was only 19... and not interested. He laughed and said he understood and I was glad we moved on from it but her tension never broke with me. I finally had enough before my meal even arrived.. My eyes were itching and burning. My skin was crawling. I needed to go to our hotel room. I ran back. I left and sat on a chair taking my normal medicine to ease my throat and head of the pounding. I took my antidepressants and decided when it kicked in.. I would be okay and that a shower was necessary. I kicked off my cute shoes.. And pulled my cardigan off.. And i eventually pulled my dress off... but the moment my undergarments came off my breasts and thighs were in agony.. i started shaking.. crying naked on the restroom floor.. pain.. pain.. my eyes swelled up and everything was thick milky white... everything... blurry... I cried... I knew no one would come back for hours but i cried... and cried begging for someone to come help me... i couldn’t move. My fever felt high before but here my skin was on fire.. i crawled to the door and climbed up and put on pajamas... and crawled to my bed and cried more... I woke up to hands.. hands on my skin.. cold.. “Breathe Angel.. please breathe” I didn’t think much of that comment but i gasped for air after listening.. cold hands and when i opened my eyes... my dad was there and i cried.. i screamed it wasn’t fair... and when i closed my eyes again and opened my sister was there crying... “You stopped breathing” the bed drenched in my sweat.. My skin felt clammy.. I could have died here and no one would have known.. I opened my mouth and said “I want dad” and she cried and hugged my arm and said “I’m here don’t go” and i gasped for air more just to calm down my pulse.. I couldn’t breathe.. My eyes hurt. It hurt to look. my body was in flames still and i still had chills... I couldn’t swallow.. i couldn’t talk for long.. all i did was cry.. like a mute baby.. i fell asleep again after.. tons of hands on my body when i woke up “is she okay?” “why is her skin turning that color” “can she breathe” “she’s not contagious so why is she still sick” “we need to take her to the emergency room” “i can’t afford that” “angel please don’t die here” and i didn’t feel like i was going to be okay.. but i didn’t think i was going to die. I just thought my skin needed to be washed inside and out and my bones soaked in milk. I woke up hours later gasping for air again and someone’s gloved hand shoved down my throat and i gagged on it and cried... whoever it was grabbed my swollen tonsil and pulled their fingers back out and said “the blood is from her throat” and i clung to their arm hoping they’d take care of me.. they’d help me.. my eyes open but all i saw was white... and then i screamed “MAKE IT STOP MOM” and she touched my forehead and said “I’m trying baby i’m trying stay with me” I must have stopped breathing a lot.. i must’ve been coughing up blood on my pillow.. i must’ve been bad to see because that night felt like days alone.

so many people came in and out of my room that night and at some point i got annoyed with hands touching me and pain shooting shock waves through every part of me.. so i said “Egg. Ojo. Please” and my mom automatically understood my demand.. and she waited for my water and my egg to be room temp and she prayed over me and rubbed it across my skin. I don’t know why I thought of this pain as the same of ojo.. but it was.. and I wanted it gone.. an hour after she blessed my skin i could open my eyes and see the world.. my egg had fried in the water.. i was in a downward spiral fast and with my fever being so high... and not able to be broken.. and no medicine helping... i could’ve been in the hospital the next day.. i opened my eyes and the family my tía was marrying into was standing by my bedside looking about ready to take me.. but when i opened my eyes and my body temp had reduced back to its normal heat.. they hugged me.. and i laughed weakly.. my swollen throat.. gone... my headache gone.. my shitty vision gone.. my breasts and thighs no longer hurt.. and i could stand on my own.. i could breathe.. everything i was experiencing was gone.. and grandma and my sister saw me sit up and ran to my side and my sister was crying... “I thought you were going to die you stopped breathing a lot and the blood was everywhere” and i just smiled and said “Death could never take me away from you” and i laid my head on her shoulder.. I wasn’t going to die. But i felt close.. and i kept seeing and hearing my dads voice.. and i kept calling out for him.. but it could’ve all been a dream.. I took a shower and dressed more modest like.. but i shouldn’t have to.

I shouldn’t have to change my dress or my style for the sake of some assholes confidence. I shouldn’t have to hide MY BODY. It’s my choice and no matter what IM NOT ASKING TO BE RAPED OR GIVEN OJO! I was livid and at the wedding that same girl was wearing a slutty outfit and before i graduated i was soft and kind and forgiving BUT ILL BE DAMNED YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHT WHILE YOU CAUSED ME SO MUCH SUFFERING THE NIGHT BEFORE! So i spilt meatballs and vegetables and ranch on her. loved your jumper, hated you. it was stained and it looked awful and she had to go change INTO SOMETHING MORE MODEST! FUCK YOU! My grandma played with my hair and told me “She deserves it but you should’ve let what was coming come” and i said “More is to come when envious eyes poison innocent skin” and true to form we were playing with fireworks at the wedding venue and her new dress got burned for flirting with someone else and her boyfriend cheated on her with one of my older cousins. And she was mad at me as if i had invoked evil. ALL I WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO SMELL LIKE MEATBALLS! The universe is tired of your shit and let you have what you deserved. I didn’t laugh because that’s ugly. But my grandma looked at me and said “The universe doesn’t show you always but it loves you more than you could imagine” and i said “She hurt other girls before me. It was bound to happen. It’s just unfortunate for her that the universe does side with me more often than not” And it does. Every ounce of pain and suffering i’ve found that the world brings it back times three to people who harm me. My mom.. I don’t want to explain but she got hers after she had wished me dead.. and all i replied was with the same malicious comment she said to me. my sister.. i’m sorry you didn’t deserve this but at the same time you should’ve just stopped when i asked. my ex boyfriend/roommate YOUR EYESIGHT IS GETTING WORSE BUT ITS BECAUSE ALL YOU DID WAS CHEAT ON ME SLUT! Anyone who’s ever been rude and hurt me severely has been met with something awful and I dont hope for terrible things.. but they come. They come they come they come. if you wish to cast blame.. Theres a protection spell on my skin from my great grandmother... that blesses me... from when she met me... to now.. until the end of time.. She saw what they would do to me.. and blessed me. So as long as i am alive... i will never worry about seeking revenge myself. it comes on its own. but i really did wanna throw meatballs at her because i wanted to wear my cute dress and dance and be happy.. but like i say. It’s coming. The universe broke my heart for the last time and watched me rise from those ashes laughing and surviving.. i might not be evil but whatever it is that desires me to live is. it’s not afraid of consequences either.

[idontevenknowme-posts]

How-to-Really-Know-Someone Questions Tag!

How do you feel about birthdays? hate them

Do you believe in fate? no 

What do you think when a band/artist “sells out”? nice for them

What do you think of fans and fandoms? strange

Any specific personality traits you would like to see in your life partner? dk

Should parents be their child’s friends? no, they should be parents. 

What do you think of doctor-assisted suicide? should be allowed everywhere

Have you ever blown your top? Why? what? 

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? 18

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? i’d say i disagree

If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint? a house in france i once lived in

In the case of prevention of overpopulation, should some people be prohibited from reproducing? no 

You discover that because of a mix-up at the hospital, your wonderful one-year-old child is not yours. Would you want to exchange the child to try to correct the mistake? jeez i really dont know 

Have you ever seen a person, an animal, or something else die? How did you feel about it? no 

What is the most drastic thing you’ve done? cut myself

What are your favorite movies? dk 

What is your favorite body part? shoulders

If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? because we are dumb af

How important is music in your life? very

How would you describe your father in four words? intelligent, caring, respectful and awesome

If you were to change one thing about your physical appearance, what would it be? my height

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? no not really. my bf maybe

What is your favorite kind of flower and why? roses cus they’re pretty

What do you think about the death penalty? dk

What is your ideal day? dk 

How thin/fat, small/large, tall/short are you compared to your peers? i think im fat

If you were a book, what would it be? a depressing one 

Have you ever seen a dead person before? How did you feel about it? no 

Which is worse, failing or never trying? failing to me 

Have you ever taken care of a sick person? yes

Who are the people who have influenced you? my parents 

Which of the four cardinal virtues do you embody the most? dk

What are some things you like about your sibling? she’s beautiful inside out. 

Would you save an extremely talented musician who has the influence to promote good values for the world or a pregnant woman in a situation where it is certain you must choose one over the other? the pregnant woman

If you could choose the sex and physical appearance of your soon-to-be-born child, would you do it? idk.. maybe yes. but i ‘d love it no matter what

What would it take someone to make you feel really fulfilled? to love me unconditionally and show me 

Do you daydream a lot? What do you daydream about? no  

If you were at a friend’s house for Thanksgiving dinner and you found a dead cockroach in the salad, what would you do? just hide it lol 

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? not honest. 

Do you look like any celebrities? no i dont think so 

What activities do you enjoy? running 

Would you place education as a top priority? yes 

If you had a Death Note, would you use it? yes 

How do you feel about your gender? Does the normal male/female suit you? How much do you act like your supposed sex/gender? yeah i think im quite femaleish

What things have made you cry in the past? i cry easily, so a lot of things

Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” everything 

Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? attractive yes  

Who was your best teacher in school? What did you learn? What would they say about you? my math teacher. he was just wise on life. 

How would you like affection to be displayed to you? dk

Do you think someone could love more than one person at once? love? yes. but not be IN love. 

When did you start discovering your own music taste? What was it? youth i guess.. pop 

When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time? cry 

If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt anyone you chose, would you? yes... 

If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? meditate

What is your greatest accomplishment so far? dk 

Describe the ultimate hell. my life now

What is one event that has impacted your life for good? For bad? dont know

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. good: overthinking, overeating and selfdetruction. bad: turning words into actions, stand up for myself and socialise. 

Describe the ultimate paradise/heaven. just being happy with oneself

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? yes 

What do you think about following your dreams? Are you following your dreams? no 

How would you like to die? happy

Are you able to kill animals? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? only mosquitos etc 

What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year? when i get to sleep, tuesday, june. 

How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? not close. no. 

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? my bf 

What do you feel guilty about? my illness

What do you believe makes a successful life? being happy with oneself. 

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? avoid conflict

While parking late at night, you slightly scrape the side of a Porsche. You are certain no one else is aware of what happened. The damage is minor and would be covered by insurance. Would you leave a note? no 

What is the one thing that you love the most about yourself? nothing

Would you try smoking? Alcohol? Why? have done

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? hopefully done with my education, living with my bf and maybe having my first child

Would you try drugs? What kind? Why? no 

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? everything 

If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? dont know 

What’s the first thing that compels you to an individual? their way of talking to others

Who are your closest friends and why are you friends with them? i have no friends

Do you like having children around you? yes if they ar well-behaved

If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for? mask party or halloween

Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth?  no 

Would you like to be famous? In what way? no 

Define a “friend”. someone who supports you in good and bad times. 

What are some risky sports/activities you would want to try? Why? bungeejumping. the kick. 

Do you have any biases or prejudices?

When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? few days ago, and yesterday. 

What would you name the autobiography of your life? “the truth about me”

What was the most cherished memory that you had growing up with your mother? some of our vacations

Where do you stand on religion and why? i dont believe in any religion

How do you deal with stress? i dont LOL 

How do you feel about being alone while eating lunch at school? What about a whole day alone? usually how it is. its boring af but you get used to it

What are your favorite books? dnt know

Would you save an extremely talented musician (whom you like) who has the influence to promote good values for the world or your father in a situation where it is certain you must choose one over the other? my father ofc

How similar are you and your sibling in personality? Appearance? not at ALL similar

Have you ever woken in the middle of the night and done something apart from going back to sleep? yes

What music do you like but do not identify with (guilty pleasures)? rock 

How do you feel about parties? like them 

Can you sing seriously in a nonmusical situation? no

What music do you like and identify with? pop 

How easily seasick/carsick/airsick/elevatorsick are you? veryyyy

What are your pet peeves? when people walk really slow or chew really loud or talk slow. 

Read anything interesting lately? nope

How do you display your affection? idk

When you get home from work, what would you like someone close to you to do or say in the first few minutes? “i missed you” 

Do you get along with people who are from different backgrounds? yes

If you were to change one thing about your personality, what would it be? less naive

What is the most drastic thing you’ve thought of doing? suicide 

How attractive are you in comparison to your peers? not attractive

If you could influence people like a celebrity does, how would you use it for the benefit of the planet? be NICER to others. be HONEST. 

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? most people tbh

Have you ever done any charitable acts? yes

When you were young, what was the thing that you wanted to be when you grew up? Why? teacher cause i liked school 

What should you never say, even in anger and frustration? “kill yourself”

What would constitute a perfect day for you? dk

What do you like to do in your spare time/on weekends? be with my bf

How do you feel about having kids one day? id like that

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? i dont think so, unless my loved ones were threatened. 

Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? no

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? idk

If you learned that a good friend has AIDS, would you avoid him? What if your brother or sister had AIDS? no. 

What makes you cry? lots of things

What do you think about sports? love it 

How and when are abortions okay? they are always okay. 

If you were sure you could not fail, what would you attempt to do? suicide.

What were you like as a child? How would your parents or other people describe you as a child? i was ego af and attentionseeking.

What would you give up for lent? dk

What do you appreciate most about your life? nothing really

If you died or went missing, who would miss you? no one... maybe my sister

Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? both my parents cuz i love them

Who are your heroes/idols and why? none

If you were to win $10 million, what would you do with all that money? travel 

Would you still be a relationship with someone who cheated on you? depends. 

How do you think your family environment growing up has affected you as a person? i’ve become very eager to feel save, so I need to be with someone. I dont like to depend on myself. 

If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? dk

Which of the seven cardinal sins do you embody the most? dk

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? dont depend on others. 

[lunatheranter]

#5 Series: White People Are Evil!!!1!!

Yes, we are all evil. Every single person on the planet with pale skin is 100% Satan-born ignorant scum. Nice 👌 This rant is coming from several places. It's coming from my own experiences and perspective. It's coming from my POC friends who are tired of having oppression prescribed to them. Who are as tired as I am with their white friends being attacked for disgreeing or agreeing or just showing up to the party. It's coming from a place that's unplugged from the fucking matrix. This rant is largely anecdotal, because it's also personal, but who doesn't love a good anecdote? Or ten. 1. "Why don't you just leave then?" Recently in the comments of some or another Facebook post, a (white) girl made a joke about the US being a mess. Somebody subreplied that she should just leave, if she hated it so much. This girl came back like lol I'm from Hungary idk what you're talking about. Because some white people AREN'T AMERICAN!! ISN'T THAT AMAZING!!!! This is sale point one of this rant. Europe is hella white. Some white people, would you believe, were born in largely POC countries. Would you believe!! There are all types of people everywhere!! NOT ALL WHITE PEOPLE ARE AMERICAN ISN'T THAT INCREDIBLE!!!!!! 2. You White People™ Again in the Facebook comments (notorious for The Discourse™). I watched a clip from a film in which an African guy had taken artefacts from a museum & was on trial, arguing that he had not stolen them because they had been stolen from Africa in the first place. (If anybody knows what film this is hmu bc I lowkey wanna watch it). I noticed in the comments an ongoing (in some places surprisingly civil) intersectional debate about the ownership of art, with even many native Africans suggesting that the art should stay in the museum because art belongs to everybody. I commented on this discussion: [I'm not sure how I feel about this perspective. It's interesting to see the contrasting views across race lines in the comments. "Does anything ever really belong to anybody?" It's a curious thought.] This was my entire comment. I did not state an opinion. I expressed my interest in a discussion. The tirade of abuse I was subject to was unreal. One person subreplied with an entire rant, condensing me to an Evil White Person™, accusing me of ignoring historical fact and trying to blot out Black culture. The main catcher? My name is Luna Kwon. It is a Korean name. In my profile picture, my face is mostly obscured. This person had no reason to assume that I am white. And I didn't express an opinion. I was on an endeavour to educate myself on the opinions of others. I literally got dragged for thinking. 3. Yes it's Facebook again. This is the article which largely prompted my writing this rant this morning. You can read it here: http://afropunk.com/2017/07/white-friends-comes-trauma-im-not-willing-deal-anymore/ A few things to note: it's on Afropunk which is a POC forum, and while I understand that this is a POC space, the headline is nonetheless inflammatory. Secondly, it is one person's experience. One American person's experience in a Southern state and we all know what they're famous for. I read the article. I read the article and spent the whole time thinking "What? Really? Who does that??" Because I certainly wouldn't even consider behaving like any of the situations this person describes, and I don't know anybody who would, either. Maybe it's because I grew up in a metropolitan area, went to a metropolitan school, and have all of about 3 white friends. Maybe it's because I view every individual as an individual and I cannot comprehend judging person B, C and D based on person A's behaviour. Before anybody starts going off like we're in the Facebook comments, I'm not trying to invalidate this woman's experience. I hope she would not try to invalidate mine. What she's dealt with is what she's dealt with and if other people identify, that's their experience. Nonetheless this view (the inflammatory nature of the writing, not the content) is grotesquely separational (as somebody got dragged hard in the comments for pointing out) bc if my POC friends suddenly dropped me because I'm white (not only would I have no friends but) I would be very upset. I would want to understand exactly what I did to offend them. I would want to correct that behaviour. But I'm sure that this would never happen because, as I've said, I cannot imagine behaving in any of the ways the author of the article described and I would say to her: those people are not your friends. And it's not because they're white, it's because they're ignorant bigots. What you want to say is "having bigoted, ignorant, racist friends is a trauma I'm not willing to deal with". Because I'm from the UK. I live in a metropolis. My closest friends consist of: one Yemeni Muslim, one Punjab Indian, one mixed-race British-White/Indian, one Caribbean, one Korean (born and raised), one Chinese, one White with untraceable lineage and one White-British. I have no concept of racial sterotyping. Disrespecting another culture is completely alien behaviour to me. I've spent my whole life trying to understand and integrate into other cultures, to cultivate a greater understanding of my friends' backgrounds, to gain a deep comprehension of what it means to be culturally respectful. Because I grew up in this metropolitan environment, it is second nature. I don't even think about it. I also want to point out that the person in point 2 decided that I can "probably trace my lineage down through many generations" so let me clear that up *just incase she's watching*: my family (father's side, my legal family name) originates from German war refugees. I can trace my lineage back to the First World War, because my surname was fake from the moment they hit dry land. My mother is from a closed adoption. I have no freakin idea where I come from. As opposed to some of my friends, who can trace back to their great x16 grandmother's neighbour's uncle's cat's second cousin because they are descended from migrants. But yeah you looked at my skin tone in bright sunlight and determined that you know everything about me. So how about you take a fucking seat. When I hear "white people" I hear "yeah, you". When that finger is pointing, you better be damn clear who you're pointing it at because I am sick of being shamed for my skin colour and I am sick of feeling ashamed. I am Welsh. We have a rich history and culture dating back to the ancient Celts - can I not celebrate that, because it's a white culture? Empowerment is one thing, and I'm all for it. I hate that many POC suffer on a daily basis, I can't comprehend it, we should all be equal and free to seek happiness. But shaming people you don't know based on their skin tone is (racist and) not born from a desire for empowerment, it comes from a place of anger-fuelled supremacy. When I hear "white people are evil" I hear "I am not capable of rational thought". I hear "I think I'm the centre of the universe and everybody shares my experience and view". Shaming others is not the path to empowerment. We've already established this argument within feminism: tearing down other women does not make you an empowered woman. Well tearing down other people does not make you an empowered person. It makes you a bigot. You attack me for something Person A did, that makes you the same as Person A. Go yell in the mirror.

#Luna the ranter #I am so very tired #the discourse #white people are evil #people are evil tbh #yes tarring everybody with the same brush really helps me to take you seriously #acting like you know shit about me smh #get off Facebook and actually work toward making a difference maybe