Hi there! We’re the Eastman folks. We decided that tumblr seemed cool, and Abe gave us the idea to make an account. How cool is that? Anyway, ask or dare away!
-DJ
Some information about the characters:
Jim- full name is Jimbob. A paranoid survivalist who predicted the apocalypse long before it happened. Now that it’s over, he’s starting to get used to functioning in a society after around 20 years of sitting in a storage crate.
Samuel Brains - A corrupt businessman, founder of Berry Delicious Smoothies. He went into hiding when his blueberries caused a pandemic across Eastman, and came out of hiding when a cure was found. He’s now being investigated.
Elaine Puddy - the sarcastic yet sweet adoptive mother of Claire and wife of Joe. She was separated from both of them for ten years. She’s taken on a strong role.
Joe Puddy - the pessimistic but gentle husband of Elaine and adoptive father of Claire. Unlike everyone else in Eastman, Joe didn’t like fruit at all. That was until he ate blueberries by the order of Elaine, then got infected and now refuses to touch fruit with a 10ft pole.
Claire Puddy - the adventurous and anxious daughter of Joe and Elaine. Claire left Eastman 10 years ago when the apocalypse started, and at 24 years old she came back to conquer it with her friends she made along the way.
Abe Romero- the awkward but ambitious gamer, and Claire’s childhood best friend. Abe had been sitting in his parents’ apartment for ten years playing video games, so now the world is foreign to him again.
Louise - The mysterious feral child. Louise was found by Abe the second year of the apocalypse, and became a parental figure to her. Though she is not mute, she still doesn’t speak fluently.
DJ - the spunky and optimistic DJ with a love for music and partying. DJ was stuck in the nightclub she worked in for ten years, so now she’s working on making the world her friends.
Aisha Lovelace - the irritable and strong scientist. Aisha was a teenager at the start of the apocalypse, but as Claire did, managed to get out. Now that she’s back, she’s trying to rebuild relationships with her friends from before.
Dr. Romero - the curious and frantic scientist, and Abe’s grandfather. He was previously working on the cure before accidentally infecting himself. But now that he’s conscious again, he’s starting to focus more on the small things.
NOTE: In my headcanon, the apocalypse began ten years ago. It lasted until just recently.
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Things I’ve Heard High Schoolers Say
I graduated!!! So have the list of things I’ve overheard at school!
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- "I stopped using anal beads... (muffled conversation)"
- "Why would you even kill a prostitute in the first place?"
- One bro to his bro friend "dude stop sucking dicks"
- "What did we do in math?" "Smoke weed."
- "He doesn't eat paper anymore it doesn't taste good."
- "You look like a lesbian." "What does a lesbian look like?" "You."
- "You look like an old math teacher."
- "Have you ever sent noodles?"
- "Thanks mom."
- "Do you like tacos or hotdogs?"
- "Do you think i'd memorize it if I ate the paper?"
- "What's up my dick-sucking whore?" *sucking noise*
- "Forgive me heavenly father, for I have sinned." "Why?" "I wrote 1,555 words of smut last night." "Oh."
- "He eats his poop!"
- "Fidget and chill"
- "Oh I thought that was a duck but it was really a rock."
- "You can always shower but you can't shower when you're dead."
- "I thought it was a chicken but it was just a fire hydrant."
- "Don't touch me I don't want your diseases."
- "Is that arm dead? No it's alive."
- "Just want to make sure, tacos and burritos are already in Spanish right?"
- "People are like sandwiches." “Elaborate?” “No.”
- "All I drink is nuts."
- *in Snape's voice* "Comó te llamas, Potter?"
- "I don't trust anyone who kicks bread."
- "Remind me to kill myself in ten minutes."
- "Wait, are Italian people white?!" "Yes." "Oh."
- "Don't call me bro I'm not your brother."
- "I love the Nintendo Gods™"
- "You look so good - eat my ass"
- Listening to the "Be More Chill" soundtrack: "I hate country music"
- "You're gonna become a professional guitar? Let me know how that goes."
- "It looks like Saturday today!"
- "Hey there, malignant tumor."
- *the bell is ringing* “Is the bell ringing?”
- *gives a penny i found to my friend” “Thanks, now I can finally buy my yacht.”
- “You guys know how to make cake? I once boiled an egg and it exploded.”
- “What does the V stand for” “Vasectomy.”
- “The clitoris is not located on the leg.”
- “What’s up bro?” “Not my grades”
- “He has a butt. I ate the butt.”
- “I went to an ocean once.”
- “Can I borrow your eyes for a second?”
- “Mine hasn’t eaten a cat yet.”
- “I will slap you with a taco.”
- “It’s report card night today!” “Who is Japartard?”
- “So I was eating mini oreos in the bathtub...”
- “I finally figured out how to do that Poptropica mission thing.”
- “Do blind people use echolocation?”
- “THANOS DEMANDS YOUR FUCKING SILENCE!”
- “Thanos can suck my ass.”
- “King-Fucking-Julien making an appearance on Instagram! Ugh, daddy.”
- “In the Bee Movie, did the lady fall in love with the bee?” “Yeah, that’s the whole premise of the movie.”
- “What if there was an inverse sandwich? Like... the bread is on the inside and the ham is on the outside?”
- “Elon Musk is my dad.”
- “Is anyone Catholic in here?” “No I’m Chinese.”
- “There’s a baby over there!” (multiple gasps of excitement) “With the lady pushing the baby cart!”
- “Whale sharks are thicc.”
- “The luxurious key of B flat”
- “This is my son, Stove.”
- “My blueberry ran away.”
- “People in the LGBT community we’re generally associated with Communists.” “Well, guess I’m a Communist.”
- “Spoons are just bowls on sticks.” “Holy shit.”
- “Abe Lincoln or Babe Lincoln?”
- “Tomorrow is Meme Day so if you don’t dress up you’ll fail all your classes.”
- “If you made a documentary about dogs would you call it a dogumentary?”
- “I smell bullshit.” “I smell ass.”
- “How do you break an avocado??”
- “Look at this nice twig.” “That’s a nice-ass twig.”
- A magician pulled out 3 cups. My friend immediately said: “Shots!”
- “Never have I ever bullied someone.” “Does myself count?”
- “We were dissecting cats and the teacher literally started playing that ASPCA commercial.”
- *Puts a pillbug upright* “That’s my act of kindness for the day I’m done”
- “No shut up I’m not going vegan for you”
- “It’s gonna let all liquidy bro!”
- “Vegans say nuts have protein to make themselves feel good.”
- “Do you remember the vine where the guy throws the tater tot at the guy’s butthole?”
- “One of my tastebuds is falling off.”
- “My blood pressure could not be any higher.”
- “Who the fuck takes a bite out of an onion?”
- “Be a detective so you can win the detective competition.”
- “Why does this store sell so many weapons?” “These are Harry Potter wands.”
- “I dropped my wallet on the floor of the Disney store and it was covered in glitter when I picked it up.”
- “They’re in between middle-aged and old.”
- “You see the sign that says yeet? Yeah, right above that”
- “Danger! Danger! Nick Jonas!”
- *while driving* “This guy is so close to me right now and if I suddenly stop he’s going right up my butt and I don’t think we’ve reached that level of a relationship yet.”
- “Is Caillou asian?”
- “That bird is Jesus.”
- “I peed on his neck.”
- “Boba Fett is gay, there is canonical proof.”
- “Dua Loopa ‘round this dick”
- “Horses have the fattest quads”
- “What’s America’s penis?”
- “You should have a superpower where you can place trash cans wherever you want. You’d be called White Trash!!”
- “Jesus, that car just farted!!”
- “What’s the purpose of eyebrows?”
- “What are you good at?” “Breathing. Wait, just kidding, I have asthma”
- “I will strip for you”
- “Oh, so you’re from one of those square states, huh?”
- “This weather makes me want to kill myself” “All weather makes me want to kill myself”
- “Ants can’t get to the second floor! Ants don’t know how to use stairs!”
- “Yo bro you have ADHD?” “Yeah bro join the club” “Where can I sign up?” “It’s not an actual club dumbass.”
A bunch of 5th graders are outside the window:
- “[Teacher’s Name] you’ll scare them. Show them a math problem” “They look so happy and full of life. I wonder what that’s like.”
- “Do you follow wherever your dick goes?” “It’s not a compass!!!”
- “California is not furry central!!”
- “I’m afraid of those.” “Whisks?” “No, tongue rings.”
- “Hail is just mean snow.”
- “I think it’s Mardi Gras.” “I’ve never heard of that. Is it a white holiday?”
- “This school is on AIDS.” “I don’t think you can be on AIDS.”
- “Do they have any animals in Europe?”
- “Do any of you want to donate blood?” “I don’t want anybody to have my blood. I worked hard for it!”
- *angrily* “You’ve played patty cake every day for the last week for 20 minutes!!”
- “Big boobs aren’t the only thing that is good, all things are good.”
- “You got herps?”
- “I’m so done with high school.” “Why?” “Some guy right in front of me just threw up!!”
- “They’re taking my teeth!!!!”
- “Oh, it’s egg!”
- *guy opens a tampon* “It’s a popsicle!!!”
- “I’m so good at this game. No matter how hard I try I can never fai- oop never mind I failed.”
- “Okay so, Yee.”
- “I need to put a sticker on my camera for, like, hackers, but I’m lonely”
- *at a trampoline* “Wait omg!! I’m going to lay face down and you can jump so I can fly into the air!!!” “Yeah!!! That’ll be fun!!!” .. “shit my nose is bleeding”
- “I’m going to try to avoid contracting tapeworm in the Denny’s parking lot”
- “Does size matter in hand modeling?”
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