#accidentally got into the 'too tired to eat' -> 'too hungry to sleep' cycle last night (well early morning) and uh. Do Not recommend | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iamcath · 3 years

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Only Exception

Atsumu is tired of and doesn't want to believe in love anymore. Every time he lets himself fall for someone he always ends up getting hurt, cheated on and left alone. It’s the cycle he didn’t want to go through anymore. He might as well grow old all by himself while he drinks a hot coffee on his porch someday. It would be fine, he doesn’t need anyone. In anyways, he can still just annoy Osamu if he gets bored.

When he thought he had actually made up his mind, he met Shouyou once again. The last time he saw the small middle blocker with ginger hair was during their senior year at Nationals. He heard from Tobio and Bokuto that Shouyou decided to go to Rio(a country on the other side of the world) and play beach volleyball instead, which maybe not a bad thing really. He always keeps tabs of the boy's whereabouts just because he couldn’t forget him, not with that amazing passion and bottomless hunger to play volleyball that the boy has that haunted him all those years. There’s no way he can forget Shouyou, not when he made the promise that he will definitely set for him one day.

“Hi, Miya-san! It was nice seeing you again!” the gingered boy greeted with a beaming smile on his face. A smile that almost blinded him that he thought he was directly looking at the sun. It seems nothing has changed with Shouyou except his tanned skin that shows some freckles on his face and his very toned and well built body build. Rio indeed does him good. Who lets Shouyou be so hot and sexy that he almost forgot that they aren’t alone and everyone is looking at them.

“Shouyou-kun. We’re gonna be teammates. I prefer that you call me Atsumu or else I won’t set the ball to you.” he said, disrupting his thoughts in his head when Bokuto hit him in the back. Shouyou hesitates for a second, not sure if he can do that because he thinks it would be rude but then, if Atsumu prefers and says it’s alright for him to do so then it wouldn’t be a problem, “Alright, Atsu..Atsumu-san.” Shouyou said as he let off a ridiculous perfect smile that Atsumu wished that he would always see.

Wait… Pause for a moment… What did he just wish? Hold on.. He thought to himself as he shook his head. There’s no time for him to fall for someone nor like someone. Even if he does, he would rather pick up a stone and thwack it directly to his head.

' It's too dangerous to be around with Shouyou' he warns himself and from then on, he always gets his guards up, not letting the embodiment of the sun tear down his high walls. He must protect his heart now because he can no longer allow himself to be careless and get himself hurt once again. Seriously, who invented love anyway?

Osamu is getting really annoyed by his constant yapping over Shouyou whom he said that he didn’t like but can’t shut his trap out ever since Shouyou joined the Black Jackals.

“What the fuck is wrong with you this time?” Osamu annoyingly asked as he handed a plate of onigiris to Atsumu, who started banging his head on the table, “Eat and get lost. You are bad for the business.”

“You should comfort me instead of insulting the hell out of me everytime I come here.. I’m your ‘twin brother’ for fuck sake.” He demanded as if it wasn’t obvious how pathetic he looks while he sulks, giving Osamu a major headache. He was about to say something to his dumb blonde twin when someone open the store door.

Osamu and him, in unison, look at the door to see who is coming in. Oh and speaking of the devil, it was Shouyou. Atsumu strengthened his posture and tried to act cool while Osamu greeted the ginger boy. Shouyou looks at them with a confused face as he says, “Did I interrupt something? Sorry.. I-” which Atsumu quickly cut off, flinching his hands in the air, “You didn’t. Me and this shithead are just having our usual conversation. Nothing special.” Osamu ignored his insult as he squinted his eyes on him. Atsumu squinted his eyes back at his twin, delivering a message that says, ‘ Don’t you dare try to say shit to Shouyou-kun or I will commit arson on your fucking store.’

Osamu rolled his eyes at him and told Shouyou to take a seat, “I have a special one here that I wanted you to try out, Shouyou-kun. Would you like to try it out?”

“Oh sure.. I’m hungry and would love to be your guinea pig Osamu-san.” Shouyou answered brightly and took a sit beside Atsumu. He was so overwhelmed by the sun's presence that he couldn't even utter a single word.

“Atsumu-san, are you alright?”

“Of course I am more than alright. Want to do extra training later?”

“Yes, sure!! That would be great! I actually want to try something new with you.”

‘ Something new? What does that supposed to mean Shou-kun?’. He thought that he almost choked up while he was drinking his water. He knows what Shouyou means, he does. It was just his gay compulsiveness that's thinking.

Shouyou is so kind to him and he feels like he was treating him more differently than the others. He knows that it was wrong for him to give meaning to every Shouyou’s actions but how can he look the other way, when the bright sunshine human being is slowly consuming him?. He didn’t want this. Not anymore.

Osamu asked him this once, “You keep saying you’re done with love as if everyone and everybody that goes your way will only hurt you. What if someone comes and that someone is willing to prove that they’re not like the others, wouldn't it be a waste to let it go? You’re already concluding something that has not even started yet.” His twin can be rude and a jerk often but sometimes, Osamu surely knows how to open his mouth and say things that he didn’t even want to hear because it absolutely makes sense.

Atsumu found himself waking up to an unfamiliar smell that probably came from the kitchen. He’s head really hurts and he still feels like throwing up. He got himself so drunk last night at the victory party that he can’t hardly remember what happened. But before he can think about what kind of stupidity he did last night, he must know first where he is. He scans his surroundings, looking for his phone first, where he finds it at the side table near the bed. He's gonna check it out later and it’s not like there is someone looking for him or something.

He wasn’t sure who brought him to this place until he saw the picture frame at the study table. It belongs to Shouyou and inside the frame, it was his picture together with his mother and his sister, Natsu-chan. Shouyou brought him to his apartment.

He finally decided to get up and see where Shouyou at and what he was doing early this morning. Shouyou’s apartment is not that big. A one bedroom, small living room and small kitchen with one bathroom is good enough for one person to be living with.

“You’re finally awake, Atsumu-san. Hangover?” Shouyou asked immediately once he saw him get out of the bedroom while his hands were busy mixing and cooking something on the pot that smelled appetizing. He didn’t know that Shouyou could cook but when it comes to Shouyou, nothing is impossible. That is why… Wait.. what the hell he should do now? It finally sunk in to him that he’s in Shouyou's apartment and they were alone. Just the two of them. He started to get so nervous that he could feel some cold sweats at the back of his neck but he needed to play it cool or else Shouyou might feel awkward too with his presence and that’s the last thing he wanted to happen.

“Yeah. Heads hurt like crazy” he answered as he let off a fake chuckle.

“It must be.. You were so wasted last night that you can’t even tell me what your address is. I should have called Osamu-san to ask, but… It was so late and he was probably sleeping. Didn’t want to bother him, that is why I brought you home with me. I’m sorry if I didn’t ask for your permission first..”

“No, I should apologize for getting so drunk last night and for causing you trouble. I didn’t know what had gotten into me. That’s the first time I got myself so drunk to the point of being wasted.”

“That’s fine Atsumu-san.. You can drink all you want as long as I’m with you. I mean.. If you don’t mind having me around.”

'If you don't mind having me around' these words were lingering in his head, like one of his favorite songs that he listened to when he was happy. It was so nice to hear Shouyou say that. As if he wants him to be with him for as long as he wants.

"Shouyou-kun.. Do you.. perhaps… like me?" He accidentally mumbled.

' Crap' he wasn't supposed to say that but due to the words Shouyou spokes, the question just fucking slipped out on his mouth. 'Fuck it' he thought, he can just make an excuse later, like he wasn't sober and they can just forget about it. He wanted to storm out of Shouyou's apartment and buried himself somewhere where nobody could find him and his body.

"I do.. I do like you Atsumu-san. I thought I was being obvious already but maybe I wasn't." Shouyou shyingly said, turning off the gas stove and transferring the miso soup on the bowl to serve him.

'What the actual fuck? Oh wait.. maybe he likes him as a brother or a friend?' A platonic relationship is ideal for them because there's no way Shouyou will like him.. Not when everyone arounds them adores and loves him.

"You do? What kind of like is that? Like as a brother or a friend?" He asked, playing dumb, denying everything because if he won't, he probably gonna say that he likes him too that it's driving him crazy already.

"Not that kind of like Atsumu-san.. More like, a like that I want to be with you always, protect, love , make you happy kind of like, like.." Shouyou straightly forwarded said.

He was stunned. He can't even move an inch to where he is. He remembered all his past relationships and what they have done to him. He wanted to believe it because he wanted to be with Shouyou too but he was too scared. What if he gets hurt again? He can afford another heartbreak. It will definitely ruin him and everything about him.

"Shouyou-kun.. I-" he was about to say something when Shouyou cutted him off.

"You don't have to like me back, Atsumu-san.. I just wanted to tell you because I wanted you to be aware of me. So don't worry.. You must be hungry, eat first and then drink this medicine. It would help you get rid of your hangover." Shouyou said with a smile on his face.

He wanted to say something but he felt like if he did, things between them would really get awkward. He wasn't sure if the smile that Shouyou wears in front of him was real or fake but he felt something was already off about him.

He shouldn't have asked that stupid question because from the start he was aware. He didn't just bring it up because he was afraid to hear that he was right. He doesn't want to lose Shouyou this way or not in any way.

' What if someone comes and that someone is willing to prove that they’re not like the others, wouldn't it be a waste to let it go? You’re already concluding something that has not even started yet.' he suddenly remembered what Osamu had said to him before. He was full of 'what ifs' but he never thought of 'what could have been'. Maybe, just maybe.. Shouyou is really different. There wasn't a time that he could think of, where Shouyou didn't laugh to the stupidest, cringest, annoying and you can call it whatever you want jokes. Shouyou always cheered him up whenever he felt kind of down and always told him that he would hit his toss no matter how off and ugly it was which would never happen Shouyou said because for him, he's the best and greatest setter that he could ever have. He always compliments him no matter how big or small his accomplishment was.

"Shou-kun.." he called out, wanting the sun's attention to turn fully to him.

"Yes, Atsumu-san? Didn't you like your food? I can cook you something else.."

"No, Shou-kun.. Can you listen to me?" He asked and the ginger boy nodded his head.

If he wants to try it all over again, he should first explain everything to him and let Shouyou understand why he's so afraid of falling in love. He explained everything to him, he didn't even leave even the slightest details. He wanted Shouyou to see him for what and who he really is. The Atsumu who acted so tough, self-less and confident inside the court is not the same Atsumu outside the court. This tough, self-less and confident persona of him is also scared, selfish and insecure. Those were the things that Shouyou needs to embrace and accept if he still decides that he still wants to be with him.

Shouyou stood up from his chair and kneel down before him. He held his hands, and put them closer to his lips and kissed it.

"I'm sorry if I took too long to come into your life. But you know.. It's better late than never.. right? I wanted to be the best for you because you are the first person who has seen and acknowledged me as a valuable player. I still remember your promise. It finally came true. And.. I was so happy to be playing with you and got the chance to be with you. It's anything that I could ask for." Shouyou paused for a second and reached out his cheek, caressing it gently as he continued, "I can't promise that I can take all the hurt away but what I can offer is to share the burden with you until you can finally say that the pain that you went through before was worth it. That your past relationships didn't work out because you are actually for me. That all the things you've been through leads you all the way to me. Let's take it slow. One step at a time. I'm a very patient man after all." Shouyou finished.

Tears started streaming down to his face as he said, "You're such a smooth talker.. You know that?"

Shouyou gently wipes his tears away as he smiles at him "Am I? Very well then.. I will take that as a compliment."

Shouyou faced him, eye to eye level. His hands still on his cheeks. He never understood how those hands were so warm that he felt like he was finally home after a tiring day. Like, if he can relive one moment in his life, this is the moment he will play for a thousand times and will never get sick of it.

He closed his eyes and he knew, his walls were already teared down from the very first moment he saw Shouyou's face again after seven years.

His lips and Shouyou's lips meet for the first time and he wonders where those lips have been, that he waited seven years to taste them. It was a messy kiss at first but as time went by it turned out so passionate that he never wanted it to stop if it weren't for their lips being swollen.

He never intends to let anyone in his life again. He was determined to live his life alone but thinking how silly it was, it made him laugh.

Shouyou is the only exception. A risk that he will gladly take over and a dozen times again. A 'what could have been' that he was thankful for but will never be a 'what if' that he'll regret later on.

#atsuhina #hinata shoyou #miya atsumu #osahinaifyousquintharder #aficthatinspiredbymylosingstreak #haikyuu

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magicmanias · 4 years

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Restless

Pairing: The Mandalorian x Reader, Din Djarin x Reader

Summary: The kid won't sleep.

Warnings: Idiots to Lovers, Fluff, Mando doesn’t get emotions, the kid is a brat (but still cute)

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: This could have a part 2… Maybe.

39 hours.

That’s how long you went without sleep. Mando left two days ago to run after some sort of bounty—a Rodian or something—and since then, the kid would not give you a break. Usually, he would take naps periodically throughout the day and your sleep schedule followed, but for the past 39 hours, 15 minutes, and 27 seconds the kid didn’t sleep a wink and much to your displeasure, you followed suit. When Mando initially left, you had laid the kid down in his bassinet and you snoozed at his side, but seven hours later, you woke up to him waving his little baby hands trying to open the ship’s door.

So, you were careful not to fall asleep before he did. Except, you were paying the price now.

The kid was usually so tame. He didn't touch what you told him not to touch, he'd eat when you gave him food, and he went to sleep when you laid him down. But now that little green gremlin was giving you hell. He touched everything, he would refuse to eat anything but meat—which you didn't have a lot of on a ship without a preservator, and he wouldn't. fucking. sleep.

It seemed the only thing you could do to make him stop bouncing off the walls was “uppying” him. And in the beginning, it seemed like a good deal—you would get quiet and he would get uppy. But what you didn't realize was that while you carried that little demon, sitting was not an option No. You had to walk around with him or else he'd pry himself out of your grasp with his grubby three-fingered hands and go right back to touching anything with a warning label.

“Baby, I'll do anything. Just sleep, baby. Please,” you begged, bouncing him in your arms once more. Your eyes were dropped shut and you leaned up against the side of the ship, just sort of bending your knees and sliding up and down against the wall. “I know daddy isn't here, but he's coming back, I swear.”

The kid gurgled a bit and stared up at you with his big, starry eyes, knocking your face with his floppy ears in the process. It was like some sort of face off, each daring the other to give in. You forced your eyes to stay open, using what little energy you had left. The kid gave you a long blink in return.

“Maker, you're killing me.” You set the kid down and collapsed on the cot. Mando would be back any minute. You could rest your eyes for just a second. Just for a minute and when Mando came back you could actually sleep. One break was fine…

You woke up to a clatter. Your eyes shot open—the kid. Kriff. You swiveled your head wildly, searching for the source of the sound. The sound of metal against metal came from the cockpit. Bantha shit! You slammed your fist on the door panel and raced to the cockpit. The door slid open and the sight of the window revealed the blackness of space. When did you leave…?

A grunt to your right pulled your attention away from the window. You were met with the sight of the Mandalorian attempting to coax the baby into the bassinet. “Found the kid pushing buttons up here,” he grumbled.

Kriff. You were so screwed. How was it that he was out catching the most dangerous criminals in the most dangerous parts of the most dangerous planets in the galaxy and you couldn't get one child to take a damn nap? Were you that useless? Would Mando make you leave?

“Sorry.” Well there went the last of your dignity. You couldn’t see Mando’s eyes through the visor, but you could feel them burning holes through your brain. You willed yourself to shrink under his gaze. “Sorry,” you whispered again.

“For what?” He cocked his head like he was confused. Was he genuinely asking you?

You broke whatever kind of contact your eyes made with the visor and stared at the closed bassinet. How did he do that? Maybe you never were good with kids. Although, it’s not like you could have known, growing up on a planet like Arvala-7. It wasn’t a popular vacation spot for families. Those that were younglings on the planet were always hiding away until they found the opportunity to steal food from street vendors. You were really starting to regret taking this job.

You shrugged in response.

“Hey.” Mando stood from the bassinet and approached you. You often forgot just how intimidating his presence could be. He stopped in front of you, but his large figure loomed over you, forcing you to crane your neck up to meet the vizor. You scrunched your brow and sucked in your bottom lip. Don’t cry, you idiot. His voice softened and for a second you thought you heard genuine, human concern coming from under the mask. “Where were you?” he demanded.

“I was… I fell asleep,” you whimpered, looking down at his feet. Don’t cry, don’t cry.

“Are you ok?”

“What?” Did he just ask you if you were ok? He never asked you that before. Most of the things he said to you were in command form. Don’t touch that. Set the coordinates. Carry this. And if they weren’t commands, they were some other form of a sentence with a testing atmosphere to them.

“Are you ok? You look… tired.” Mando shifted his weight uncomfortably.

You stared at him blankly. “What?”

Mando turned away from you and seated himself in the pilot’s chair. “You need to sleep. Go to bed, Y/N,” he said, punching in a few coordinates and the ship began to glow with life.

“I… ok,” you said lamely. You could barely process anything now. You would apologize after you got some sleep.

By the time you woke up again, you noticed the ship was no longer in motion. Light poked through the small window of the escape pod you slept in and you felt… warm. There was a weight pressed up against your stomach. You looked down at your stomach and small a small lump present under the blankets. Carefully, you sat up, letting the sheet slide down. Two big, green ears popped out.

“What’re you doing here, baby? Looking for you dad? Well, this is probably the last place he’d be.”

Footsteps fell outside your door, followed by a single knock. Mando? He never came to your makeshift room, let alone knocked on your door. “Come in?”

After a few seconds of silence, you were about to repeat yourself, but then the outside panel beeped and the door slid open. Mando remained at the doorway, hesitantly leaning forward. He watched you intently—or as much as the helmet revealed, not speaking, and suddenly, you felt incredibly vulnerable wearing nothing but a baggy, old shirt you borrowed from Mando while he stood full-armored in front of you. You ungracefully dragged the sheet a little further up your chest. “I’m leaving. I should be back soon. Watch the—Can you watch the kid?”

He just asked you. Not commanded. Asked. “Uh, sure. Yeah.”

The helmet nodded and Mando left as quickly as he came. Maybe you could apologize to him after he came back.

You looked down at the kid, still sitting on your lap. “So I guess it’s just you and me again for a bit. Do you think we can come to some sort of an agreement?” The baby blinked. “Great.”

It took a bit of trial and error, but you did it. The kid was sleeping. After you changed, you’d picked up the kid and just hugged him. “I’m sorry for not taking better care of you. You got in trouble, but it was my fault,” you cooed. The child dug his face into your neck and pulled onto your shirt. You rubbed your hand soothingly on his back, rocking from side to side. “I hope your dad will forgive me too,” you murmured, bringing your hand up to the backside of one of his ears. You started to lightly scratch and then there was a small whump on your chest. The kid was asleep.

“Thank you, Maker,” you mouthed silently, before bringing the kid to the bassinet. You made sure to close it this time. Now that the kid was asleep, you realized just how hungry you were. You hadn't eaten since before Mando came back from his last bounty hunt. Maybe there was something in the storage unit on the lower level.

The bassinet trailed behind you as you made your way to the lower level of the Razor Crest. Your stomach growled louder and you started to pick up the pace to the storage unit. Just as you descended the ladder, you found yourself flat on your butt, a forgotten blaster that you tripped over at your feet. Looking around, you realized that the ship was a mess.

Maybe this would be a good way to apologize, after you actually apologized though.

Mando hated Coruscant. It was overcrowded, dirty, and it made him feel like he couldn’t breathe—even with the helmet on, but the highest-paying bounty that Karga had was currently on that damn planet.

Mando’s grip on the tracker in his hand tightened once the Razor Crest came into view. Two things made the Mandalorian hesitant to board the ship. One: He really hated Coruscant. Two: you. He remembered your face when he asked you about the kid. You were halfway to tears. You were so… sensitive. Mando wondered how he’d gotten here with you accompanying him. It seemed like such an unlikely pair. A cold-blooded bounty hunter and a girl who cried when she accidentally tripped over the green bean in a potato sack.

When Mando first landed back on Arvala-7, he went to the escape pod to tell you, but he found you still sleeping like a damn rock, the kid on your stomach doing the same. It wasn’t for another four hours until you came around. But every ten minutes, Mando came back to check on you. He probably came more often and stayed for longer than he needed to. There was just something so… peaceful about you. You looked so relaxed. So pure. Mando hadn’t slept like that in years. His back always hurt. His neck was always stiff. He bet you never felt sore.

He could never sleep for long either. He could lie on that cot for a full cycle and not get any rest. Just gaze at the roof of the ship and… think. He usually didn’t dream. Didn’t sleep long enough at one time to. But the second you stepped onto that ship and smiled, that was all he could think about at night. Your smile. It filled him with a sense of warmth and comfort. When he woke up the next morning, his back still hurt and his neck was still stiff, but he’d slept for eight hours. That was the longest he had slept in a long time and every dream was about you.

Your heart jumped slightly when the sound of the main hatch opening rang in your ears. You thanked the Force you were finishing up in the weapons’ hold and grabbed a blaster. You didn’t know how to shoot it, but whoever invaded the ship didn’t need to know that. Hopefully, they didn’t know how to use one either. You slowly lifted up the blaster and neared the exit of the small room. “I have a weapon!” you called out. The kid babbled and laughed at your nervous figure. You pushed the bassinet behind you and closed it. “Who’s here?”

An armored figure stepped in front of the armory, gloved hands comfortably seated on his belt. You shrieked and pointed the blaster in front of you, clenching your eyes shut.. The figure pushed the blaster out of his face. “Hey! What are you doing in here?” Mando’s voice demanded.

Your eyes shot open, revealing the all-too familiar helmet. Oh. “Sorry!” you yelped. “I-I thought you were… um… an intruder.”

“What are you doing in here?” he asked again.

“Oh.” Suddenly you turned sheepish. “Well, I felt really sorry for falling asleep and not taking good care of the kid, but you left before I could apologize and I realized that this place needed some cleaning up, so I picked up. A bit.” You sucked in your lip and placed the blaster back on the hook. “And I wanted to apologize.”

“For being even less intimidating with a blaster than you are without one?”

Did… Did Mando just tease you? “Wh-What?”

“If you’re going to point a blaster at me, open your eyes when you do it,” he said.

“Oh. Right.” You cleared your voice. “I’m sorry for falling asleep. When you were gone before, the kid hadn’t slept in a really long time and I didn’t want to leave him on his own when he was conscious, so I stayed up too and he never went to sleep but—”

“Hey, slow down,” he said, stepping a little closer to you. You stepped further into the weaponry.

“Sorry,” you muttered.

“Because you fell asleep?” he asked.

You nodded slightly, hands positioned tightly at your sides. “I’m sorry. If you want to just leave me on Arvala, I understand.” Your eyes teared up again. Please don’t cry in front of him.

The helmet titled to the side. “Why would I do that?” he asked softly.

“Be-Because I left the kid un-unchecked,” you blubbered. “And-And you’re mad at me.”

“Do I sound mad?”

“I can’t ever tell when you feel anything!” you cried, tears streaming down your face. You tried to wipe them away in vain. Stupid emotions. You shoved your face into your hands, mortified that Mando was only again, seeing you cry. He’s going to leave you here. Two arms wrapped around you, enveloping you in an awkward hug.

Mando’s leather gloved fingers traced along your back and you dug your nose into his chest. A muffled ‘I’m sorry’ could be heard. “Quit it,” he said.

You lifted your head to look up at the helmet. “What?’ you hiccuped, sniffing.

“Quit saying sorry,” he said, continuing to look straight ahead. If he looked at you, crying in his arms, with red-rimmed eyes and a pink nose, he wouldn’t let you go. He’d stepped over the line as it was.

You wrapped pulled your arms from his chest and placed them around him, pulling the Mandalorian closer. “Your armor is cold,” you mumbled.

Mando pulled away instantly, like he’d hurt you somehow, but your arms remained wrapped around his waist. “It’s ok,” you reassured him, sniffing. “I like it. My face feels warm anyway.”

Mando looked down, forgetting the boundaries altogether. You had stopped crying, but your eyes were still red and your nose was still pink. Your cheeks had filled his color from the blood that rushed to them. One of your cheeks was pressed against his chestplate, forcing you to stare to the side. Something in Mando wanted to stroke your hair, but he clenched his fist and kept it still on your back. He contemplated letting go, but you never hugged him before and he wanted a little more time to memorize how it felt, so maybe he could recreate it in his dreams.

“Thank you,” you said, unmoving and pressed up against him. Mando didn’t say anything in response because he didn’t know how to respond. Instead, he placed his hand on her head and stroked her hair.

Something tugged at his leg and then wrapped itself around it. Mando hesitantly pulled away and looked down. The kid lifted his head towards the two. He turned to you and made uppy hands. You laughed slightly and leaned down to pick up the child.

“Hi baby,” you cooed, wiggling a finger at him with your free hand. Mando watched you as you snuggled up against the baby with a slight tang of jealousy. Damn that kid… But then, Mando saw you smile, despite your puffy, dry eyes and he smiled under the helmet. You turned to him, calmly rocking the child back and forth. “What’s the next stop?”

Mando recalled the tracker in his hand. He shook his head and left it on a shelf in the armory. The bounty hunter paused, suddenly remembering a conversation he once had with you.

It was more of a one-sided conversation, you doing most of the talking. It was early, when you had just met Mando, still getting used to his dislike for communication. “I’ve lived on this desert my whole life. But I hate hot weather. I get cold too easily though. Space is colder than I thought. I used to talk to this old woman who lived near me on Arvala. She used to tell me about all the planets she’d been to. Alderaan, Hoth, Onderon, Dantooine... You name it and she’d been there. There was this one planet that sounded so lovely. Endless green fields, flora, fauna, temperate weather, rivers, lakes…”

“Naboo.”

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pinkhairedlily · 3 years

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Grab It Before It Passes

Chapter 10 of The Spring He Came Back | 10 of 12

What was she thinking? She was late to work because she slept in. And why did she sleep in? Because she and Hitsugaya talked until morning. Nice sabotaging your business, Hinamori. She arrived in front of her shop, breathless from her fast cycling, and she was greeted by a small line of her constant customers. When the morning storm died down, she started to prepare reserved bouquets despite feeling lightheaded. It was already lunch time when she finished all her orders and walk-ins.

The bell on the door rang again, and she stood up from the counter to meet her next customer. Maybe I’ll skip lunch today.

“Don’t skip lunch today.” Hitsugaya was yawning as he entered the shop. Hinamori was thankful he got rid of the glasses and kept his old hairstyle. He waved her closer and indicated the bento in his hands. “Sorry for keeping you up until morning.”

If there were other customers right now, I’m pretty sure his words will be taken out of context. Well, we were kind of intimate last night. Hinamori soothed the forming ache on her temples. He rushed to her side and cupped her face anxiously. “Are you okay Momo?”

“Oh, am I interrupting something?” a supplier came in at that inopportune moment, a crate of azaleas in their hands.

Before Hinamori could go to them, Hitsugaya bridged the distance in quick strides and took the crate. “No, is this all? Hinamori has a headache so please let me get this.”

“Ah, Dr. Hitsugaya.” The supplier recognized him and instantly became awed at meeting one of Soul Society’s prodigies. “Of course, of course. Uh, wait, Hinamori, you’re still set for farm visit?”

Trying to control her blush, Hinamori smiled at her supplier. “Yes. I’ll see you at 4. Thank you.” She followed them to the door and placed a lunch break sign. “Please don’t do that again when I’m at work.”

“I’m sorry. I acted on instinct.” Hitsugaya placed the bento boxes on a nearby table and the aroma escaping from the box ushered her closer.

It didn’t occur to her that she should dwell on his statement. She was hungry, and she needed caffeine. She devoured her food and answered Hitsugaya’s questions on flowers in between bites. “Aren’t you eating?” she asked while she took a large bite from a tempura.

“I also woke up late so I just went straight to my lunch meeting at the academy. Too bad I wasn’t able to buy you tea on the way here.” He stifled a yawn again.

Hinamori finished the last of her meal, and set aside the box. She checked the counter once more before she gestured him to stand and follow her. “Let’s drop by quickly at my favorite café.”

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“Black tea with an extra shot of black tea for Momo,” the owner, Yuki, called out. “And uh, iced americano for Hitsu-“

A visibly irked Hitsugaya took both cups from his hand. “Thank you. Now, Momo can we go?”

“Hey Yuki. Thanks again. You always have my back on tiring days.” Hinamori flashed him an apologetic smile which he shrugged off. He has a knowing gleam in his eyes, and he was obviously trying to send a message.

“What do you mean? You’re my favorite customer. Come again tomorrow?”

“You bet. I gotta go. It’s a busy day.” Hinamori was slowly getting annoyed by Hitsugaya’s impatient tapping on the counter. She didn’t know what set him off, but they rushed off from the café. “What’s wrong with you, Shirou?”

He walked along with her until they reached the flower shop. “I gotta go for another set of meetings. What time do you close?”

“I have to go by four. Now, please tell me what irritated you in that café because I needed my favorite drink and you’re making my headache worse.”

“He knows your favorite brew.” And with that, he shuffled away like his feet was on fire.

And now she too was pissed and exasperated by his childish behavior. Very Hitsugaya of him. “He is a barista. Isn’t he supposed to know what my preferred brew is?”

--------------------------

She was mounting her bicycle when he came around. Surprisingly, he bought a bicycle of his own. “Sorry Shirou. I need to go to the flower farm.”

“Can I go with you? I’m also done with the meetings for today.” Recalling that he was not able to reserve a hotel and would most likely go back with her to the compound, she finally agreed.

They arrived at her supplier’s flower farm after a 30-minute ride. Hitsugaya seemed to give her space as he stayed behind with the welcoming staff and answered their questions about his life abroad. She went with her supplier and surveyed the next batch of flowers she would pick for the next batch of delivery. The Peruvian lilies were not ripe for picking as it was still very early in the spring as well as the dahlias. She eventually settled on tulips, gardenias, and daisies.

“Hinamori, can you check on my peonies and gerbera? We have a bad outbreak of thrips this time.”

“No problem. I’ll look around a little bit more.” It was a good thing she bought her sampling kit. She constructed a makeshift laboratory in her room a year after she became a florist where she studied common plant pests. She would provide her personal concoctions from natural ingredients to deter continued onset. Inorganic pesticides have more lasting side-effects on the flowers’ blooming time which would inevitably affect her sales.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way.” They were shifting their feet nervously on the ground. “But are you and the professor together?”

Hinamori squatted down to the level of the flowers, checking the underside of the leaves for signs of the culprit. “No, we’re just friends.”

“He’s a really in-demand person with his recent re-appearance here in town, but he finds time for you.”

She proceeded to the next plot. There was a lot from her naked eye. “Maybe he’s just good at scheduling his tasks and it so happened that he’s relatively free today.” It was bad but not unmanageable.

“I heard he turned down speeches in museums and luncheons. Town gossip.”

Could they have been gossiping about their past? If he gets associated again with her and it backfires, what would she do? “It’s gossip so it’s not reliable either.”

The supplier was trying their best to get their point across. “I’m saying, he really looks out for you. It couldn’t be any more obvious, and it would do you good if you allow yourself to accept it.” Contented with what they said, the supplier retreated from her space and returned to the staff house.

She had a bad habit of repressing these discussions when she was occupied with something else, and would only recall them just as she was falling asleep. She pushed it at the back of her mind until she wrapped up with sampling. Finally done, she saw Hitsugaya in the middle of the azalea field. She quickly made a flower crown from the discarded flowers and went to him.

Quietly sneaking behind him, she successfully landed the crown of yellow, orange, and red daisies on his immaculate silver hair. She chuckled at the bright contrast. “Pretty boy.”

“Come here then.” He grabbed her hand and slid a bracelet of white azaleas on her wrist. He also added a small circle of twine with a lone flower on her ring finger. “Pretty girl.”

It couldn’t be any more obvious. Again, she pushed this memory at the back of her mind.

--------------------------

She was losing sleep for two days in a row. Baba accidentally destroyed the heater in Hinamori’s room, and in Hitsugaya’s room so they huddled together in her room. Baba was quite happy with the arrangement, but Hinamori was not. Not when her futon was beside Hitsugaya instead of Baba being in the middle. It also didn’t help that he would always turn in his sleep and reach out for her hand. She would be there lying, her hand warm in his, his sleeping face in front of hers, and her heart beating out of control.

Trying to have some semblance of normality in her life, she stopped seeing him for lunch, making up excuses that she was busy with accounting and meeting suppliers. But he dropped her off those two mornings, earning interested glances from her customers and showed up a few minutes before she closed shop. Hitsugaya showed up again, bringing cookies this time and her favorite brew in ice. He was spending an awful lot of time in her favorite café. “Yuki makes the best americano and the best oat cookies,” he said as he munched on one.

“Thanks, I need a sugar rush.” Hinamori was tired, she didn’t think much of it when she leaned in and took a bite directly from a cookie still in his hand. As any other moments recently, it was also the exact time when Rukia, Renji, and Rangiku entered the shop.

“Looks like you didn’t need our help at all, Professor,” Rangiku jeered.

And like any other moments recently, both of them would burst into intense redness. The 3Rs bought cakes for sharing and some wine. Rukia and Renji were full-time faculty in the academy and were officially together. They were set to be wed this year, but the two were still finalizing how they would break the news of wedding bells to Byakuya. Rangiku, on the other hand, became a freelance educator for the poor and disadvantaged in nearby towns. She was also recognized as an affiliate professor of the academy. Her work allowed her to reconnect again with her childhood friend, Gin. Hinamori was yet to meet the guy, but she guessed they were probably in the dating stage already. They were lucky – to have found friendship and love and have these requited.

Stop thinking about IT, Momo, she told herself.

“Hey, Momo, you’re up for a beach trip?” Renji asked. “It’s your day-off tomorrow, right?”

“I really can’t. I have to take care of Baba.” She hoped to sit out this one because these rumbling emotions were becoming too much for her to bear in silence.

“This one’s on you, Hitsugaya. Good luck.” Their friends snickered on the bet that he can persuade Hinamori to go.

--------------------------

For some reason, she cannot say no to him. Nor Baba. Her grandmother was left in care of two of the best medical staff and a neighbor who will send text messages to Hinamori and Hitsugaya every hour. Since she traveled an hour by train and was already here, she might as well enjoy it.

It somehow escaped her mind that she couldn’t swim so she stayed on the beach, perfectly fine in a summer dress and a slice of watermelon to cool off the heat. When she saw Hitsugaya running headfirst towards the water with his abs on full display, she almost choked on her fruit.

He really grew up. He’s not shorter than me anymore, and he has muscles. Why does he have abs? Hinamori was at the end of her wits, and the watermelon was not helping cool her down. She retreated to their space and laid down under the shade of the large umbrella. Maybe I should sleep my time away.

After a few minutes, she heard him calling her name. Acting asleep, she actively ignored him. “Momo, are you okay?” His figure loomed before her, the abs directly in her view. She fluttered her eyes open and gave the most annoyed look she could at the dripping Hitsugaya. “Sunblock please, Momo?”

“I’m trying to sleep here!” She huffed indignantly and pulled out her reef-safe sunblock, squeezed out a rather large amount and slapped it on his cheeks.

“You weren’t sleeping. You were pretending.”

“Shut up, I’m applying some protection on your face. Also you’re an idiot because why would you run to the waters first?” She held his chin on her hands and gently lathered the rest of the sunblock on his face. “Okay, you’re good to go.”

“I can stay for a few seconds. Doesn’t this take a minute to set?” His eyes were never left her face. What was this atmosphere?!

“Go get a room,” Rangiku shouted from the water. “I’m getting lonely in here.”

“Don’t get the wrong idea!” Hitsugaya shouted back to Rangiku. “Sorry about that Momo. I’ll leave you alone.”

What did just happen? Is this what they call flirting? Hinamori was truly exasperated so she set out on a walk by the beach. After a few minutes, Rukia joined her pace. Like her, Rukia didn’t know how to swim.

“It’s pretty confusing, huh?” was her first statement.

“Why is everyone talking as if they have the same topic in mind and I’m out of the loop. Am I missing something here?”

“Momo, you’re dissociating again.” She patted her back and smelled in the breeze. “It’s all out in the open and you just have to step forward and grab it.”

“Can you all stop talking in abstract?” Hinamori pleaded, tired from discerning and reading between the lines.

“From someone who noticed it only later in life, notice it now. We’ve seen it coming, but it’s different if you finally realize it. Grab it now before it passes.”

It was a fairly normal beach trip with lots of card games and a watermelon eating contest between Hitsugaya and Renji. By landslide, the watermelon master Hitsugaya Toushirou won. They ended the trip with sparklers, and Rangiku said they have to make a wish before they ran out. In her mind, she only wished for one thing. It was the one thing she should have said aloud when they were kids and when he left ten years ago. On the trip back home, they sat beside each other.

“What did you wish for?” Hitsugaya asked. His cheeks were flushed red from the sun.

She looked at him straight in the eye and said her wish aloud. “For you to stay.”

It has become a habit, him reaching out to touch her hand and her allowing his fingers to wound through hers. “You’re trembling.”

“Don’t go.”

He kept their wound hands inside his jacket’s pocket in an effort to keep her warm, mistaking her confrontation with her feelings with the remnants of winter. “Thank you, Momo.”

NEXT CHAPTER | 11 OF 12 | INTO THE WONDERFUL UNKNOWN

#hitsuhina #hinamori momo #hitsugaya toushirou #kuchiki rukia #matsumoto rangiku #abarai renji #bleach #bleach couples #anime #anime fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #TSHCB

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bbaejohnnyluvr · 4 years

Text

3 is Just a Number (Chapter III)

CHAPTER THREE

Title: 3 is Just a Number

Pairing: Wooyoung x Female!Reader x San

Genre: Romance, BFF to lover, Eventually poly!relationship

Summary: The bond between the three of you is almost unbreakable. Wherever you go, they will follow. Wherever they go, you will join. The moment both of the guys got into a relationship, everything just got better. The three of you are happy with the current moment. That is until one of them decided to follow their own heart – and may or may not break the friendship that you have been holding onto for more than five years.

A/N: y’all gonna hate me for this.

masterlist

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You were woken up to the sound of utensils clashing together from the kitchen. You look to your side, just to see Wooyoung is still deep in his sleep.

Watching him like this brings a soft smile on your face. He looks so calm – the total opposite of him with his eyes open.

Gently, you scoop his head with your free hand and slowly lift it up to free your arm. Once you move your arm, you put down his head back on the pillow.

You proceed to get down from your bed, trying your best to not accidentally wake Wooyoung up. Before leaving the room, you grab the blanket and drape it on his body to keep him warm.

Once you close the door, you walk up to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. However, you see a figure standing with his back facing you and he is holding a spatula in one of his hands.

Smiling to yourself, you walk towards the kitchen and look over his shoulder.

“Why suddenly pancake,” you asked as you tilt your head slightly. San’s lip curls up into a smile but his eyes are still concentrating on the food.

“I’m hungry and I want something easy to cook.” You just nod your head at his answer. Deciding not to disturb him any longer, you move to grab a glass of water.

As you swallow down the liquid, your eyes scan San’s visual. His eye bags are starting to get visible and his hair is a little bit messy. He looks exhausted.

While you were studying him in silence, his hand suddenly stop moving.

“I want it too,” he said.

You blink for a few times at the spontaneous words. Confusion is clearly showing on your face. San turns his head, a determined look plastered on his face.

“I want that cuddle too.”

San’s words make you let out a soft chuckle. You shift towards the sink to wash your glass. “Last night it was Wooyoung, and this morning it’s you.”

The man does not look away but his eyes widen, imitating puppy eyes and a small pout form on his face. You hate it the most when San made this kind of face because he knows that you will give in.

Which is why a sigh escapes from your lip before you nod your head. San turns his head back on the pan, a happy wide smile plastered on his face, showing off his dimple.

The fact that he looks so delighted leads you to shake your head at him. You forgot just how childish both Wooyoung and San can be.

You can say that you will never get the chance to be biased on one of them. If Wooyoung gets to cuddle with you, San will also get to do the same. If San gets a lollipop from you, you have to give one to Wooyoung too.

Sometimes you feel like you are taking care of two babies instead of two grown-up men.

“It’s kinda cute that the two of you always ask for cuddles whenever both of you have something in your mind, or exhausted.”

Even though San does not respond to you, your words still struck him. Indeed, they always find you for comfort after having a tiring day or they are anxious about something.

Then, what is playing in Wooyoung’s mind, San thought.

Your hand on his shoulder manage to pull him out to reality. Without wasting time, you take the spatula from his hand and push him to the side.

“Go to shower and then we can eat. You stink,” you told him as you flip the pancake. San scoffs lightly at your remark before bending down slightly to whisper in your ear. “Look who’s talking.”

If only San does not dash away from you, you swear the spatula would have landed on his face.

30 minutes have passed since you and San freshen up and eat breakfast. Now, both of you are on San’s bed, his face burying in your neck and his arms wrap tightly around your waist.

With your free hand, you reach up to play with his hair. He let out a content sigh against your skin before opening his mouth.

“I miss this.”

You can sense that he is slowly falling asleep just by his tone. And somehow, his grip on you tighten after he muttered those words.

You move your hand to his back to pat him gently. Not long after that, you can hear a soft snore coming from him. He must be so tired from the practice.

“You are such a baby,” you mumble softly against his hair before leaving a soft peck there. Just like that, both of you drifted to dreamland.

Wooyoung thought that he would get to see your face first when he opened his eyes. But, to his dismay, he woke up to an empty bedside instead.

He gets out of the room. His nose automatically smells an aroma of freshly cooked food. He looks around the house, yet he cannot see you.

Where did she go, he asked in his mind. The man then walks towards his room to grab his phone and call you, but instead, he was presented with the sight of you and his boyfriend sleeping while hugging each other tightly.

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It had been two weeks and the cycle still continues. Every time the boys come back home from class or practice, they will go to you simply to hug you or be near you.

At this point, you are starting to feel uneasy with the sudden urge of them to keep touching you.

Yes, you are familiar with hugging and cuddling. However, it is becoming too often. It is different than how they usually are.

You are still trying to figure it the reason they suddenly became so clingy with you. It has come to the point that you are lost in your thought even when Yunho is clearly sitting in front of you.

“Y/n.” His soft voice manages to wake you up. You look at him and raise your brows. “Did you say something?”

Yunho leans his back to his chair, a little smile playing on his face as he shakes his head.

“Are you still thinking about it?”

You blink your eyes momentarily before reaching to your cup of tea and take a sip from it. Although you give him no response, he can sense it already.

You had been venting out to Yunho these days since you do not who to talk to. Your dates with him had basically changed to rant sessions. You explained to him what the boys did, including the sudden changes in their behavior.

At first, Yunho thought that they were just being protective of you as their friend. After hearing your story, he is sure that it is more than that.

“I think they love you.”

You frown slightly at his words. “Of course they love me. Why would they become my bodyguards if they don’t?”

Yunho can only chuckle at your cluelessness. It is true when people said nobody is perfect in this world. You might be good academically. However, you can consider as dumb in love topic.

“What I meant was, they love you, more than a friend.”

“Spill.”

The roughness in San’s tone is visible to Wooyoung’s ear. The two boys are now sitting next to one another, with a gap in between them. None of them look at each other.

Wooyoung clenches his fist tightly before he starts his words with a sigh.

“I like y/n… more than a friend.”

San does not say anything but his jaw is clenching. He knew those sentences will come out from Wooyoung’s mouth eventually, but he cannot help being mad.

“I don’t know since when, but I’m sure about it now.”

Of course, if he was not sure about his feelings towards you, he would not ask you for a cuddle every night, or pull you into his chest every time the two of you are on the couch.

San knew that – and it hurts.

Before the older one gets to say a word, the younger cut him off with another sentence.

“But, my feelings for you are still the same. I still love you, San. But, I love her too.”

The man covers his face with his hands. Slowly, tears begin to flow down his cheeks. San can hear the soft sniffs coming from his boyfriend, and he already knows that he is crying.

Instantly, San closes the distance between both of them and pulls Wooyoung into a hug, letting him cry on his shoulder instead.

His hand continuously rubbing his back as he tries to calm the man down. “I’m the worst, right,” the younger muttered.

San gulps down his saliva before pulling away from the hug to look at his boyfriend in the eyes.

“You aren’t the worst. I understand your feelings… because I felt the same too.”

Wooyoung scrunches his eyebrows in confusion. Did he hear it wrong or San really did just admit that he loves you too?

The older guy flashes Wooyoung a small smile before holding both of his hands.

“I know that you’ve been chasing away all the boys from y/n before.”

The said guy widen his eyes. He thought that no one knows about the methods that he used to prevent you from dating anyone before. But, San proved him wrong.

“If you didn’t chase them away, I will be the one to do so,” he confessed.

For the next few minutes, none of them speak a word. It is rare to get them this quiet since they are loud all the time. But at this moment, the only sound that can be heard is the fan spinning at the center of the living room.

After a few moments more of silence, Wooyoung decided to talk.

“Should we tell her?”

San licks his lip, thinking of the answer he should give. If it is possible, he wishes that they can still conceal their feelings for you a little longer.

Yet, deep in his heart, even though you did not say anything to him, he knows that you are curious about their behavior towards you the past few days.

He knows that the amount of skinship that both of them wanted from you was increasing dramatically.

At the same time, he felt that he should tell you sooner before you get together with Yunho because God knows how it will hurt both of their hearts.

With a heavy sigh, San nods his head. “We should tell her.”

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As you climb up to your house, you cannot help but think about Yunho’s words.

Love. They love you more than a friend. But, that did not make sense at all. They already have each other as partners. Why would they have that feeling for you now?

You tried to brush off the thought from your mind but it keeps coming back. The more you are trying to push it away, the louder it spoke into your mind.

You are too deep into your thought that you did not realize that you have been standing in front of your house for more than three minutes now. Luckily, a honk from a car down the street brought you back into reality.

Let’s not think about it and just act naturally, you thought to yourself before pulling out your key and unlock the door.

The moment you enter the house, you can sense a strange aura. It was not as lively as it was before. It is quiet. Too quiet for your own liking.

You thought the boys have not reached home yet, but the sight of both of them sitting on the couch proves you otherwise.

Suddenly, Yunho’s words came flowing back into your mind. That is when you realize that you can no longer act as if nothing happened.

However, you still manage to give them a small smile.

“Have you guys eat?”

Their eyes are now on you. The gaze that they gave makes you feel nervous and uncomfortable. This is way too tense for you – and you hate it.

You were about to walk to your room when a voice called out your name. You turn around to see San standing up from his position.

You knew that your hunch was right. There is something wrong right now.

San had always showcased his gentle expression whenever he is around you. If he is your brother, he will be the one that will continuously give you support and spoils you until you feel annoyed.

He would always pat your head and flashes you a soft smile. But, those kinds of expressions are not there.

His gaze is straight into your eyes that you felt like he’s shooting daggers into it. For the first time in your life, you feel intimidated by San.

Before you can save yourself, San opens up his mouth.

“What if we told you that both of us love you… more than a friend?”

There it is. He finally said it. The only sentence that you are scared of right at this moment. You wish to have ears that did not hear that question, but it’s impossible now.

You clench your fist at your side as you try to keep your composure.

“You can’t. You already have each other-“

Like always, you have not finished your sentence yet, but Wooyoung decided to interrupt as he stood up from the couch.

“Why? We love you, and at the same time, we love each other too. What’s wrong with it?”

You can no longer keep a straight face due to the younger’s sudden outburst. They can only see puzzled expression from your face.

This does not make sense. How can they love a person while still being madly in love with another? This is too confusing for you and it hurts your head the more you think about it.

Without saying anything, you walk towards your room and slam the door harshly, startling the two guys in the living room.

After giving you space for almost an hour, San finally decided to talk to you. Coincidentally, the moment he took a step, the door to your room open.

At first, a relief smile plastered on his face and Wooyoung’s face lit up at your figure. But, in less than five seconds, you manage to destroy those expressions with a suitcase in your hand.

They thought that you just needed some time to think about their sudden confession, but instead they realize that they just give you a chance to pack your things up.

“Where are you going,” Wooyoung asked. You bite your lower lip before answering his question, refusing to look at any of them. “I’m going to stay somewhere else starting tonight.”

“But y/n-,” San wanted to convince you, but the way you turn around and look at him leave him froze at his place.

“I’m sorry but I can’t do this.”

Those are your last words before you step out of the house, leaving both men behind from your life for the first time since you met them.

#wooyoung #san #woosan #ateez #wooyoung scenarios #san scenarios #woosan scenarios #ateez scenarios #wooyoung imagines #san imagines #woosan imagines #ateez imagines

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cripplingaddictions · 4 years

Note

Is it possible for you to write a oneshot or headcannons, whichever you feel more comfortable doing, for domestic shinso? Like how the relationship is during their time in UA and after? I hope this makes sense!💗💗💗

Hi! Thank you for requesting! I wrote this as headcanons with a mini scenario at the end of it, I hope that’s alright! I’m a Shinso simp so this went a little out of proportion 💀

Genre: Fluff, Domestic

Rating: SFW

Word Count: 2k

Before UA Dorms:

- While you were in UA, Shinso tried his hardest to spent time with you

- Both of you were so busy, especially with you in the hero course and Shinso training privately with Aizawa to transfer into the hero course too (preferably your class)

- Before the dorms were instigated, he’d sleep at your place, crashing after training with your teacher

- You would have most likely returned from training too, both of you crashing on your living room couch after a refreshing shower

- Shinso is a gift-giver, he’d show up to your how every time with something small to show his appreciation for you

- The most occurring gift is little air fresheners shaped like a cat you hang above your desk – each one has a different scent from the last

- The time would be spent watching movies, making fruit smoothies, and looking at cat videos

- Occasionally (a whole lot, actually) he’d “lose track of time” and have to stay all night, not that your parents minded at all – they loved him

- There was something about his maturity, wit, sleepiness, and determination that made him so charming

- The nights he would stay he’d let your head rest of his chest or on his shoulder, depending on how big your bed is

- You knew he didn’t sleep much, feeling guilty that you were sprawled all over him

- He always insisted he loved your warmth, it not only soothing him to get a few winks or that it reassured him that you were there

- Bike rides were a must almost every morning he was at your place

- He’d lead you through his favourite parks to cycle around then stop for an iced coffee before heading back home

- The two of you soon noticed just how much time he spent at yours, and so little you went to his house, so you began to shake it up a bit

In the Dorms:

- The two of you certainly used the dorms as an excuse to spend even more time together

- It was so easy to crash in each other’s room, either after training or if you were bored on a weekend

- His dorm was the regular, maybe it was the gradually growing collection of stray kittens hiding under his bed that made you so eager to join him

- You certainly didn’t mind the walk from Hero’s Alliance to his building

- Routine changed once again when he transferred into the hero course and moved into your dorm

- Instead of hiding away in one of your dorms, you felt more comfortable lingering into the common room

- The common room was your domain at night, either you were binging a series together, baking a midnight snack, letting his kittens roam free for a while, or a combination of them all

- Aizawa constantly got the two of you in trouble for being too noisy or finding you both crashed on the couch in a pile of pillows with a kitten or two sleeping on top

- Shinso always managed to create an excuse, or take the punishment for the two of you

- You were completely aware of Shinso’s relationship with your teacher and were kind of thankful for it

- As Shinso slowly began to make friends from your class, they began to hang out with you

- He couldn’t handle all the noise e for that amount of time in the common room

- That’s the time when you began to hide out in your dorm again, sprawled on the floor, bed or couch to relax and sleep

- You’d study or read while Shinso would fall asleep on your lap – he loves how soft you are, no matter your body type

As Pros:

- The day be popped the question that you should move into an apartment together was when you were both very settled in your hero careers

- He had grown in so many ways, not only as a hero, but as a person and he definitely got more handsome

- Your apartment was humble, and you two finally owned as cat

- You gifted it to him for his birthday the year you moved in

- Shinso continued to take after his teacher, becoming an underground hero

- This meant that he was constantly out at night, receiving even less sleep than he used to

- Although, you supported him, his wellbeing will continue to be the most important thing in your relationship

Sizzling of the pan over the stove crackled up as you flipped the pork in the oil. Your spatula dug up the frying pieces, gathering the frying oil that splattered when you flipped the crumbed pork. The oil splashed up towards you, landing on the apron that wrapped around your waist. The rest of the meal had been prepared, awaiting the pork to sit on top.

You patiently waiting for Hitoshi to arrive home in the early hours of the morning. Sure, you could have gone to sleep and had breakfast with him in the morning. However, something was keeping you awake, the urge to give Hitoshi a proper meal urged you to cook at 3am.

Hours ago, you had your own meal after arriving home from patrol as Hitoshi headed towards the door. Your schedules crashed too often, only being able to spend a few fleeting moments when he’d accidentally wake you up when he arrived home. Spending those few hours of sleep before you then had to get up for your hero work definitely didn’t make up for lost time. Especially when Hitoshi is called in for a daytime mission as well.

No matter how many times you would tell him to catch up on sleep during the day, you know for a fact he didn’t. The amount of times he had sped past on his bike, shoving a bouquet of flowers into your arms. He definitely received an angry text from you saying that he should be resting soon after. You would also know whenever he’d been training with Aizawa, because your old teacher constantly updated you on his progress. It was also painfully obvious when he was working out at home, weights, a yoga mat, and his towel would never be packed away properly when you got home.

Now, you focused on lifting the pan off the stove, sitting it down next to the bowl of rice. You only made one serving, you not being hungry enough to eat a full meal. The eggs you had prepared were mixed into the rice, the sauce seeping into it. Scooping the crumbed pork up with the spatula, you placed them on top.

A soft click sounded from the other side of your apartment door. Jingling keys caused a smile to arise on your lips, which took over your tired face as the door swung open.

Dark violet hair was the first thing you saw, the crazy tufts drooping slightly with a mix of sweat and rain. His voice changing device hung around his neck and his bag rested on his shoulder. The black hero suit he adorned was slightly damp, unzipped at the front so a small section of his heaving chest was visible.

“Hitoshi, sweetheart,” you called out, “I have dinner for you.”

Hitoshi’s nose was the first to perk up, the small of his meal caused a growing smile on his face. His tired eyes met yours, sighing dramatically when he saw you.

“Why are you awake, kitten?” His husky voice grumbled, “But, is that katsudon?”

You ignored, his first question, not wanting to make this about you, “Yes, it is. Come eat.”

He etched over to the counter, discarding parts of his hero attire as he approached. Dropping his bag at his feet, he gently placed his voice changer on top. His capture scarf was unwrapped and tossed over the couch, along with his utility belt. Hitoshi almost collapsed onto the stool by the kitchen bench, immediately digging into the food.

Watching silently, you untied your apron and leaned against the bench. Your chin resting in your palms, your soft eyes gazed over Hitoshi’s features. You couldn’t wait to marry him.

Happily, Hitoshi chewed his dinner, not breaking eyes contact with you ever. You reached a hand out to cup the side of his face, running your thumb over the growing purple eyebags underneath his half-lidded eyes. Unable to contain your worry, your eyebrows furrowed and your lips pouted.

“What’s wrong?” Hitoshi asked, “Why are you making that face, kitty?”

You retracted your hand, only for Hitoshi’s hand to catch it softly.

“You need to stop overworking yourself,” you whispered, “Baby, you’re running on three hours of sleep everyday and are constantly being active when you have free time. You need to take care of yourself and relax once in a while. I’ve been thinking of requesting to change my patrol time so we get time to ourselves. I suggest you do the same so you don’t come back so late.”

Hitoshi groaned; you knew you would get a similar reaction. However, it wasn’t of annoyance or because he was disagreeing. It almost seemed relieved.

After dropping his chopsticks, Hitoshi grabbed your other hand and brought them both to his face. Your hands held his cheeks gently, Hitoshi melting into them with a sigh. His eyes closed, dropping his hands so they rubbed your forearms up and down.

The slight purple stubble on his jaw prickled at your hand as you glided your thumbs over his cheekbones. You let out an adoring laugh, the pout on your lips only showed you empathy towards Hitoshi.

For a moment you thought he was asleep, but he spoke up, “I thought you’d never say that. For a moment I thought you didn’t care about me.”

“Hey.”

You tilted his head up so his eyes that fell open would look into your own. Even though you knew he was teasing you by that dumb smirk across his lips, you couldn’t help but take the opportunity to scold him.

“It doesn’t look like you care about yourself so someone has to do it. And you know what the best selfcare is?”

“What is it?”

“Grabbing the cat and coming to sleep with me in bed.”

“I don’t feel like sleeping right now.”

“What do you mean? You look like a mess.”

“I want sleepy cuddles. I can’t enjoy your cuddles when I’m asleep, now, can I?”

You groaned, lifting your hands off his face and letting it drop. For a moment you thought you gave him whiplash so you mumbled a quick, “Oh, sorry.”

Hitoshi recovered, rubbing the back of his neck, “We can grab the cat and watch Netflix for a couple hours.”

“But it’s like 3am. The sun will be rising by the time two hours is up.”

“Then, we both call in sick. You don’t patrol during the day and I won’t go out at night. How does that sound?”

“As long as we get some sleep tomorrow night.”

When Hitoshi agreed, you smiled in success. This signposted the place when you only worked every two days. Hitoshi would work one night, then you’d work the following day. It worked like a treat. He’d always be home when you returned from patrol and never had to leave immediately after. You’d always have a late lunch together and he’s come back earlier too. The mornings you worked you’d find him sleeping soundly next to you, giving him a quick kiss as a goodbye.

The time you both didn’t work was time the both of you spent together. Whether you lounged at home, or went out somewhere. You left all the housework to the night he was working, not wanting to bore him with it. It got to the point when you didn’t care what he did when you worked, finding that he would be resting enough to not burn himself out again. Occasionally, you’d return to find he’d folded some clothes or cleaned the cat litter for you.

You definitely noticed how he perked up with his extra rest, learning more and more about him every day. This led to the two of you dating for another two years before he finally popped the real question. Whether or not you two had kids was entirely up to you, and that was another can of worms waiting to be

#mha imagines #my hero academia #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha imagines #bnha shinsou #shinso hitoshi #hitoshi shinso x reader #hitoshi shinso #hitoshi Shinso imagines #Shinso x reader #Shinso imagines #Bnha Shinso imagine #Bnha Shinso x reader #mha x reader

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let-them-eat-rakes · 4 years

Text

RED REALITY (part 1)

(my longest post yet.)

Item #: SCP-3001

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: To prevent further accidental entries into SCP-3001, all Foundation reality-bending technology will be upgraded/modified with multiple newly developed safeguards to prevent Class-C "Broken Entry" Wormhole creation. While knowledge of SCP-3001 is available to personnel of any level should they wish to learn about it, research and experimentation with SCP-3001 and its associated technology is strictly limited to personnel of Level 3 and above, with special clearance designation granted from Sites 120, 121, 124, and 133.

Description: SCP-3001 is a hypothesized paradoxical parallel/pocket "non-dimension" accessible through the creation of a momentary Class-C "Broken Entry" Wormhole.(1) While believed to be an infinitely extending parallel universe, SCP-3001 is almost completely devoid of any matter and has an extremely low Hume Level of 0.032,(2) contradicting Kejel's Laws of Reality with the relation between Humes and spacetime. This phenomenon causes matter inside it to decay at an extremely low rate, and damage that would otherwise prove fatal does not impede any biological/electronic function; simulations suggest an organism can lose more than 70% of their body's tissue and still operate normally, as long as at least 40% of the brain remains. However, prolonged exposure will cause said matter to gradually approach SCP-3001's own Hume Level, resulting in severe tissue/structural damage as the matter's own Hume Field begins to disintegrate.

SCP-3001 was initially discovered on January 2, 2000, at Site-120, a facility dedicated to testing and containing reality-bending technology. Dr. Robert Scranton and his wife Dr. Anna Lang were Head Researchers at Site-120, and were developing an experimental device, called the "Lang-Scranton Stabilizer" (LSS).(3) Dr. Scranton was transported to SCP-3001 after unexpected seismic activity damaged several active LSS in Site-120 Reality Lab A.

Initially presumed dead, Dr. Scranton has survived in SCP-3001 for at least five years, 11 months, and 21 days. During this time, he was able to record his experiences and observations within SCP-3001 through a somehow still functioning LSS control panel, which was also brought into SCP-3001 with him through the Class-C "Broken Entry" Wormhole. These recordings were later recovered upon the panel's sudden return, an unexpected side effect from testing improved reality-bending technology; these logs are the basis of SCP-3001 study. Despite new technologies being developed, retrieval and re-integration of Dr. Scranton has been unsuccessful. His current physical and mental states, if he is still alive, are unknown. [Further information on Dr. Scranton's possible retrieval is under Ethics Committee review.] Transcripts of Dr. Scranton's logs are below.

[No discernible/coherent dialogue can be heard from Dr. Scranton for the first eight days. He cycles through periods of panic, confusion, and anger throughout, and it seems he was attempting to navigate SCP-3001 to find a way out. He finally moved close enough to the recording log on the eleventh day, though did not notice it was operating for several more hours.]

…

Name, Robert Scranton. Age, 39. Birthday, September 19, 1961.

Favorite color, blue.

Favorite song, "Living on a Prayer."

Wife… Anna…

Anna…

Name, Robert Scranton. Age, 39. Birthday, September 19, 1961.

Favorite color, blue.

Favorite song, "Living on a Prayer."

Wife, Anna. She has green eyes. I love her very much.

Name, Robert Scranton. Age, 39. Birthday, September 19, 1961.

Favorite color, blue.

Height, 178 cm.

Weight, 85 kg.

Wife, Anna. Anna, I'm sorry.

Name, Robert Scranton. Age, 39. Birthday, September 19, 1961.

Favorite color, blue.

My wife's name is Anna. We got married August 12, 1991.

I hope she got out okay.

Please let her be all right, please let her be all right.

Robert, Scranton. 39. Anna, blue, wife. Please… please, God, please…

Anna… Anna… Anna bo banna… Anna bo banna…

What the… what the hell is that? [It is assumed at this point Dr. Scranton noticed the flashing light of the recording module.]

What the fuck, this thing's actually recording?

[Metallic clang heard.]

[Voice is highly agitated and panicked.] My name, is Robert Scranton. Yeah, yeah, my name, is Robert Scranton, former researcher at Foundation Site-120. It has been… I don't know, actually, I… I can't remember. I… I estimate it's been ten days, but, I-I-I don't, I can't… Oh God, can anyone hear me?! I-I-I don't know what's happened, I-I don't know where I am, and-and, please, please is anyone there?! Hello?! Anyone?! ANYONE?!

No one can hear me. Oh God, oh God, oh God. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK.

Why the hell is this thing even working, it can't be working, it SHOULDN'T be working, so what the hell?! I need to — God, I need to, I need to… see, how… long can I talk here, I think there's a-a-a cap or something on the recording log, and I-I-I can't see anything, I can only see the red light blinking on and off, I can't see any of the switches next to it…

I'm really hungry.

Thirsty, too. I think I should be dead from dehydration by now, but… I don't know.

Hi, little red light. Can you talk to me? Can you talk to… Anna, for me? Hello?

I found the controls.

Two weeks, three days, forty-seven hours, and fifty-eight minutes.

Two weeks, three days, seven hours, and fifty-eight minutes.

Oh… Jesus.

ERROR WITH PLAYBACK, ERROR WITH PLAYBACK. ERROR WITH PLAYBACK.

Wherever the hell I am, I'm pretty sure now that… I don't need to eat to stay alive. It hurts… a lot, but… at this point I don't think I'm gonna die… So… I'm gonna… I'm gonna take my time… I guess. I… Maybe some sort of miracle will happen and I'll get out. Heh. Keep dreaming, Robert. Yeah, I'm… I'm tired, I'm gonna sleep.

Three weeks, four days, nineteen hours.

I have a picture of Anna in my pocket. I almost forgot. Little red light, let me see her face, please? Just a little bit, I just… I just want to see her a bit.

Hi, Anna, I'm still here, I'm still here. I'm coming back, okay?

Two months, four days, three hours.

… Hi. Robert here. Yeah, I-I haven't really recorded much to hear in the past few weeks. Ha. Hahahaha… Hahaha… huh… huh…

Sorry, gotta keep it together. Breathe.

I've been… I've been busy. Trying to learn more about the place I'm in. My prison. My kingdom all my own. Heh, King Robert. God, I stink. Is there even air in this goddamn place? Stinky King Robert, king of GODDAMN NOTHING FUCK.

…Sorry, sorry. I, I gotta keep this professional. I'll… I'll come back when I'm feeling rested.

… Okay, here goes. [Inhales then exhales deeply.]

My name is… Robert Scranton. I am a former Head Researcher of Site… 120, a Foundation facility dedicated to studying various reality-bending SCPs, for the purpose of developing more advanced countermeasures towards such threats.

For the last… red light, speak to me,

Two months, eight days, sixteen hours.

What red light said. I have been trapped in what I believe to be an empty pocket dimension. Alone. Yeah… alone. All alone.

I'm calling this place SCP… I don't know, I can't remember where we are, screw it. I don't know what's happened in the past… red light, please, again.

Two months, eight days, sixteen hours.

But… no one else is around to argue, and at this point… I'm just talking into this control panel to keep myself together. I… I need to keep a record. There might be some poor bastard in the future who ends up like me, and… if this ever actually makes it out… maybe, maybe I can help stop that from happening. That's all I have going for me right now, and I really need something to go for, hahahaha…

…So, yeah, Robert… Scranton… documenting a new SCP for… future research purposes. That'll have to do. Here we go!

- Close.

…

Two months, eleven days, ten hours.

Item number, SCP I don't fucking care.

Object Class, Euclid, I guess, but I don't know, I might update this in time. I need to explore more.

Special Containment Procedures, god I sound so much like a shrink right now… Um… I don't know if we could… contain wherever I am. It's… definitely not on Earth. To be honest I don't know where it is. I… I think it has do something with the Stabilizer prototype… I'll explain that more later. Okay… um… yeah, wherever I am, I don't think it can be contained much as… created. No, no, that's not the word I'm looking for. Um… entered. Yeah, entered is better. I came into this place because of some really bad reality-bending accident and… no, no, Robert, don't be like that yet, you don't know if there's no exit yet. Ooooh… livin' on a prayer… halfway… there. Ahem.

Two months, eleven days, eighteen hours.

So… wait, no, Description, Robert, stick to the format… This place… It's some sort of reality gap, I think. It's dark. Really dark. As in, this little red light that shows my words are actually being recorded is the only visible light in this entire place. I can't see my hands, and I can barely see the control panel here. I've had to basically use the light as a center, and remember how many steps I take and in which direction. I haven't gone past a hundred yet. I'm too… I'm too scared to. Heh. I wonder if my hair is turning white, right now? I can't even see what color it is anymore. Speaking of which, my head has been a bit itchy recently. If I don't concentrate on it, it's fine, but I feel this… tingling all over my face. I'm not sure why.

Two months, fifteen days, four hours.

Okay… hoooo… I-I need to relax for a minute, Jesus, god, shit. Holy… shit, shit, shit… I… just discovered a new property of this place. All this time, I've been thinking I might be walking on… some sort of… flat ground, if you will. I kept eye contact with little red as far as I could see, and it seems I could walk in a straight, flat path. Jesus, my head is buzzing right now, I think the adrenaline is still kicking… But, if my hypothesis is correct, and this really is some sort of reality… void, then there shouldn't be anything to walk on. Now that I think about, the whole time I've been in here, it's felt like… I'm walking, but I'm also swimming through something. And this something is thick, and form-fitting, it has this… pressure, which I know isn't the correct term, but goddamn it, this place makes no damn sense and I'm doing my best to understand it, okay?!

God… Sorry.

So, the best analogy I can come up with is… it's like I'm walking through really thick black gel. There's enough tension to keep me on a… "surface", but if I… imagine myself pressing down hard enough, I can descend. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think… I think I need to test this more, I'll be back.

Two months, seventeen days, two hours.

Navigation is largely affected by… conscious impulses to travel in a certain direction. So, this definitely isn't a complete reality gap, at least according to mine and Anna's theories. If-if it were I wouldn't have been able to move at all, since space wouldn't have existed. Holy shit, okay, okay, this makes a lot more sense than it did before, great, great job, Robert, you're getting there. …Come to think of it, I should've realized that sooner when I was able to move in a flat plane to and from little red. It also explains why I'm not dead from dehydration or hunger yet, time barely passes in here. Okay yeah, so, I stood right next to little red, and went straight… "down." Okay, from here on out, imagine little red as the origin of a 3D space. I went straight… down, right, yeah, and then… and then I was then able to come back "up" to little red again. I've also been able to "fly" above red. Movement in here is slow, like I said, gel analogy, best I can describe it by.

Two months, twenty-two-days, three hours.

Reporting back for another update, red, SIR! Hahaha, come on red, lighten up. Ha! Pun not intended… Come on red, crack a little smile, it's funny!

…

… Fine, whatever. Ahem.

This place still seems like it barely follows Kejel's Laws of Reality Parameters. And by barely, I mean, really just barely. I'm pretty sure my math is right, but… hold on, I'm gonna check again…

Jesus. Yeah, yeah, pretty sure it's good still. Okay, this place… if we're using the standard Hume scale, I'm pretty sure I'm in a reality where the Hume Field is… point zero… four… ish. Yeah, really, really, really fucking low, so… Like I said above, space-time exists on a very minuscule scale, so my biology is not getting shot to hell and back because of any malnutrition, but that also means… I… I'm actually not sure what that also means…

…

Adding on from the last entry. I'm… I'm not sure how my biology will react in such a low Hume concentration, actually. I mostly worked with higher than average Hume Fields, and the reality benders we tested never had a Field lower than 0.8. This… this is gonna be a first. An all-time first. I remember Site-133's "Prommel Killer", they called it that because it broke the previous theory about the lowest limit of Hume concentration. Really expensive, really weird machine that brought down a small area to 0.4. 0.05 is… yeah.

I was lying. I was lying, last log… I… I'm lying to myself. My own body, and… little red here too… We're about the realest things in this place. And that means… over time… the Hume field's going to want to… equalize, and… I'm… I'm gonna go for now, I have some… some calculation to do again. Red, Anna, take note I'm using Kejel's Second, Third, and Fourth Laws, got it? Use… use 0.05 as the surrounding, my external field as… somewhere in between 1 and 1.4, use the Second Law's error estimation correction, and my internal as… as… as… shit. I'm not done yet.

I am real. I am super-real. Super duper real. Ultra real, the realest guy in a world of no-real.

You have no sense of humor as usual, red. I'm talking about the LSS, red. When we got sent here, I think… I think our reality got cranked up a notch. Red, didn't you pay attention in class? Hey, don't get fucking smart with me, red. Okay, the point is, the LSS surge got us up to… to…

Two months, eighteen days, seven hours.

No, red, not even fucking close, you must've converted Kejel's Third Law equation wrong. Because of the malfunctioning LSS we got blasted by, we're somewhere in between 2.2 and 3.6. Yes, that's good red, that's very good, because that means we have more time than we thought to… to… yes, red, before we fucking DIE, okay?!

Two months, twenty four days, five hours.

About three years. Four, if… If I don't interact too much. If… If I had had an LSS here, I could maybe stretch it out to… eight, maybe, that's best case scenario… But I have… I have to… I… know… but… but… three years. Three years, then it's past the point of no return. Ha. Hahahahaha. I should… I should definitely figure something out by then. I think I still should be pretty good for a while… At least… no, no, I won't be in here that long… I'll definitely figure something out…

Anna, what would we do with a case like this? I need your help, honey. That… that tingling I've been feeling… That's my Hume Field diffusing… My… my reality fading… Three years. I need to stabilize myself within three years.

I've been thinking… Anna and I, we had this theory… Even though the Hume Field is low, it's still a Hume Field. And precisely since it's so low, Hume diffusion should take quite a while. Now if… if I could… contain… recycle the fields, keep the diffusion from spreading too thin, I could… And I could also maybe… it's only a theory, but… It's worth a shot. But that means…

Hey, red. I… I'm gonna have to go for a bit. I want to test something, and you can't come with me. I… I'm sorry. No, no, red, I'm really, really sorry, I want you to come, I do, but… if we're together the diffusion will increase faster… We both need as much time as possible. I need to figure this place out more, and you need to make sure you keep all that info in your head. It's… red, come on. You- you'll be fine red, I know you will, you're tough. A lot tougher than me… it'll only be for a bit, red, but I need to see if I can find a way to keep us alive a bit longer. Maybe even get us out of here. If I can contain enough field, I can… I can maybe even get us out. No, no I'm not sure, but I need to find out. Red, we're talking about possibly escaping, okay? Yeah, it's a gap. A gap should have an end, like a… like the walls of a canyon, understand? I need to find a wall, and then, and then I can…

…

I'm sorry, red, I hope we're still friends when I come back.

…

I'm… I'm going now… I'll see you soon.

…

- Close.

Six months, ten days, five hours.

Hello again, little red. It's been a while.

You know… thinking back… I don't know what the hell I was so excited about. This place is… god, this place. This place is is fucking… hell.

There's no end. It just goes on. And on. And on.

I traveled in one goddamn direction for two, damn, months. God, I'm so fucking stupid, why did I think I could get out? I'm thinking like those old European shits that thought the end of the world was at the horizon. Fucking stupid, Robert, stupid, just-just- GAAAAAAAAAAAH—

If I let myself fall down long enough would I eventually hit a bottom?

Ten months, 28 days, 15 hours.

There's no bottom. And fuck you, red.

I'm sorry, red, don't go out, I'm sorry I turned you off, come back, come back, please—

… I turned 40 today. Happy birthday, Robert.

I was adopted, did you know that? Yeah, my parents left me in a box on the side of a street. Got picked up by some American couple, which explains my not-so-Chinese names. I don't even know my original last name. Just thought I'd share. How about you, red?

Anna and I met on-site in 1988. God she was beautiful. She still is. It was our eyes. She has beautiful eyes. My eyes are grey, they're boring, but hers… God they're beautiful. Do you think… Do you think she's still worried about me, little red? Is she looking for me?

You know, red, you're a great listener. But I never hear you talk about yourself. Come on, don't be shy, there's no one else around, right? Hahaha, right? Hahaha… hahahahaha…

"I'm sorry, Robert, I'm afraid I can't do that." Hahaha, red, you're hilarious.

Were you married? Kids? Any family at all? Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Come on, red, I won't judge, just… talk to me, please. God, my head hurts. And my feet feel like they've been asleep for forever.

I worked at a comic store as a kid. So much cheaper back then, and I got free stuff at the end of each week. I liked Spiderman the best.

I was in a box, side of the street.

I… what the fuck… no. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, red, have you seen my picture? The picture red, Anna's picture, where is - come on, come on, where-where- Anna! ANNA! ANNA! Where did - no, no, no, no, no, please, please no, anything but, PLEASE.

It's fading, she's fading, she's fading, please, Anna, no, please, come on, sweetie, stay here, it's too soon, it's TOO SOON, my math isn't wrong, it's NOT WRONG, YOU SHOULD BE FINE. ANNA, ANNA, I can't hold you, come back, Anna, sweetie, honey, Anna please, I need you, I need you, please, please, don't go, I'm here, I'm still here. RED GET HELP. Anna, please, please, don't go, don't -

Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. [Dr. Scranton repeats this for three hours.]

Anna and I got married in '91. We couldn't really get the nicest suit and dress we wanted because of work, but, damn, we both looked great. Anna looked better, of course. We just danced, and danced the whole night, got the whole week off. Even a job like mine lets you enjoy your honeymoon… So, come on red, open up, put 'er there, high five. Come on. Come on, red.

One year, two months, twenty-seven days.

…

AAAAAAA—

[The next recordings only play the control panel's automated voice giving times, with intervals of one to three days, with several month-long gaps in between as well; also intermixed are Dr. Scranton's sobbing, screaming, and mumbling. These recordings continue until the time reading reaches two years, seven months, and 28 days, after which they cease to pick up any sound until two months later.]

#scp #SCP 3001 #red reality #scp fandom #scp foundation #part 1 #posted from a pile of leaves #let them eat rakes

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rhenal · 6 years

Text

Hello again

Wow, it’s been a year now since i last posted anything here. I’m still alive, if anyone is still here at all to care. Um. Last post I did was about the status of my mental health, so I guess a follow-up would be prudent, no?

So now it’s official. I have both Aspergers and ADHD. I thought it was just ADD, but no. The hyperactivity aspect is something I very much have. It’s just that it doesn’t manifest physically - it simply manifests mentally in that my mind is always everywhere at once - that my train of thought manifests more like a puppy on its first snow day than like an actual train.

I’ve been on antidepressants for 13 months now, but I’ve only really felt any real effect from them for the last month and a half as I finally got to change med type. The first type barely helped and gave me nightmares two nights out of three, but those things were small and irrelevant enough for me to it really bring it up until now. Because for all that time, I have been searching for and adjusting to ADHD meds as well, and you only want to sort through one set of side-effects at a time. Turns out I’m really sensitive to side effects, so finding the right type and dosage took a long time, and I’m not certain that the one I’m on now is the best choice still.

I’m still on full-time sick leave for burnout, since February 14th last year. Currently it will last until the end of August, then we’ll reevaluate from there. Hopefully I can start studying again by that point, if only at 50%.

Turns out, it takes a really long time to recover from a bout of burnout that has had five entire years of buildup.

So what am I doing now? Mostly just being useless. Restless but without the energy to do anything about it. I barely eat these days, and my sleep cycle is just completely nonexistent. See, in large part due to aforementioned double-whammy of Aspergers and ADHD, my capacity for self discipline is basically nil. With me being on sick leave, I have nothing that forces me to get up and do stuff. There is no reason other than my own health to get up in the morning.

Add to that the fact that both my current antidepressants and my ADHD meds lower my appetite. I do not get hungry anymore. I just get tremors in the late afternoon when I’ve forgotten to eat all day. I can go entire days where I am never ever hungry, and when I finally manage to make something to eat and force myself to just eat it dammit, I can barely get half the meal down.

My doctor has actually advised me to eat small snacks through the entire day to make up for it. You know, the thing that you’re usually heavily discouraged from doing? :’)

In conclusion, my daily life is kinda shit. I’m doing what I can to get better at it all, even going to group therapy every week, but it feels like a Sisyphean effort.

I’m too burnt out to study or work, but without study or work, I can’t really recover properly. It’s one real bastard of a catch 22.

I’d move back home, but that’s not really an option. Not now that the family’s got a much smaller apartment. I’d have to live on the couch, in a living room with no possible way of real privacy. And I’m an introvert. I am really fortunate to have a family as loving and supportive as I do, and I love them dearly - but I NEED my space. When I went there over the winter holidays, just those two and a half weeks I was there was enough to suck me completely dry of energy.

If anyone has any advice, I’d love to hear them. Because I need them desperately.

So well. That’s where I am now.

[garbling thought-vomit about social issues and the failings of tumblr as a community below. Probably best ignored.]

So, why’d I disappear from Tumblr? Should be obvious. The state of my mental health is bad enough without having to deal with the constant anxiety of dealing with this social network. The nonexistence of nuance and the total intolerance of anything even remotely problematic. And the idea that if you like anything that has any problematic aspects in it at all, that means YOU are problematic and are to be ashamed.

It’s actually a really hostile environment for creatives.

The pressure to be perfect and totally 100% inclusive at all times with not a nanometer’s space for human error or honest mistakes, the attitude that ‘if you’re not perfect 100% of the time always you are EVIL AND BAD AND SHALL BE SHUNNED FOREVERMORE’.

The attitude a lot of Tumblr seem to have that the only things you are ever allowed to write or otherwise portray are essentially self-portraits because if you haven’t personally experienced it you should never ever write it ever. Kinda makes it impossible to even try to do properly inclusive work for fear of getting even a single minute detail wrong. It’s actually really really fucking hostile and I hate hate hate it. Like, I keep seeing creators of all kinds - writers, artists, cartoonists, animators and game devs alike try their very hardest to make something as inclusive and culturally diverse as they can, only to be rewarded with heaps upon heaps of abuse from Tumblr users just because they weren’t 100% perfect in every single aspect, or that their efforts were seen as ‘virtue signaling’ and are only doing it to make themselves look good and that is false and sin and to be PUNISHED.

It’s like the reward for trying your best to make something that everyone can enjoy without feeling left out is only hate and vitriol.

(All the while creators who do not care about inclusivity at all get perhaps but a mere fraction of this abuse, I might add. It’s pretty fucking insane when you think about it.)

It’s suffocating.

And it’s total fucking bullshit.

People make mistakes.

People change.

And people can absolutely grow from those mistakes and be better.

But Tumblr as a community keeps fostering this attitude that if you have ever said or done anything even remotely wrong on any level, regardless of the context or how long ago it was or how much better you have grown to be since then, once an uninformed or unthinking statement - accidental or not - always a racist. Or homophobe. Or transphobe. Or ableist. Or any kind of -ist or -phobe imaginable.

I’ve been very fortunate to not really have had to endure any witch-hunt personally, but I saw them happen all the time. And it just. Well. I got really fucking tired of it, and it further worsened my mental health by quite a lot. I just cared too much that I couldn’t stop ranting about it in my head. Sometimes for days.

So I left.

Why am I back? Honestly, I have no idea. I guess I still have a lot of thoughts about things and I’ve been really isolated this last year, so I just need a place where I can put them.

I intend to go on a bit of a purge of the blogs I follow and start with a zero-tolerance policy for witch-hunting bullcrap and other drama.

See, I have a pretty simple, straightforward moral code. It’s often difficult to follow, due to the human brain working as it does with it’s shitty, garbage, garbage ‘us vs them’ mentality, but it is something I intend do always strive for.

No one should ever be judged for that which they can not control

Ever. That includes the entire spectrum of skintones, every single possible gender identity, sexuality, romantical affiliation, neuropsychiatric status - normal or otherwise, physical condition, place of birth, state of family or culture they grew up in. Or anything else I can think of.

No one picks the toolbox they’re born with. All that should ever matter to anyone is what they build with it.

Fuck jokes about skin colour - ANY skin colour - it’s tacky and only serves to further strengthen the idea that they somehow make people fundamentally different, and that idea can get set on fire and shot into the sea.

Yes, there are absolutely issues with the culture surrounding differences in levels of melatonin. White people like myself carry a lot of privilege in the west, and darker skinned people of all kinds absolutely do face a lot of unjust treatment in the world. No matter what country in the world you are in, that place’s “default” - how I detest that unfortunate consequence of the human brain functioning as it does - will always carry a strong privilege compared to those who do not fit that default. But it’s all cultural. There’s nothing inherent in looking any certain way that dictates a person’t being. It’s all the norms and values of the culture they were raised in - and cultures change. It’s slow. It’s difficult. But it is absolutely a worthwhile struggle, is it not?

And, maybe a reasonable path to changing a culture to be more inclusive is to maybe not constantly call attention to such differences? Because that only strengthens the idea that the trait pointed out is ‘other’ - not part of the ‘normal’.

And we want to widen the definition of normal to include all of us. Right? That’s pretty much this entire community’s mission statement, isn’t it?

I’m thinking that simply acting like a trait is normal, that it’s not something that’s even worth calling attention to, does a lot to normalise that trait. To help it be included within the definition of normal.

Maybe I’m wrong. But I don’t think I am.

And then there’s the whole thing with white guilt/cultural shame or pride or any somesuch. I have thoughts. Probably pretty controversial thoughts. So I’m preparing myself for pitchforks.

Feeling shame or guilt over whatever hand you drew in the grand lottery of genetical happenstance is just really fucking stupid. That much should be thoroughly established by now. But the thing is, so is feeling pride, for the same reason. You did fuck all to affect what you got. The deeds of your ancestors have nothing whatsoever to do with you.

You don’t get to choose your toolbox. You can only choose what to do with it.

It feels kind of weird to condemn cultural pride as a concept like this, but I do. I really honestly do. Because it’s dumb. Incredibly hard to drop, absolutely - most of us are fed with it since birth, after all - but it’s still dumb. I mean, what on earth did anyone do to earn the culture they grew up in? Nothing. Because it’s entirely out of your hands.

Treasure your culture, absolutely! Revel in it. Learn all you want and can and strive to carry it forth to the next generation, and to teach anyone who wishes to listen. Absolutely do! Take pride in your accomplishments. Take pride in what you do to carry your culture forth into the future. Take pride in what you help others accomplish. Take pride in what you do to raise public awareness of the reality of your culture. Or your sexuality. Or gender identity. Or any other aspect of your being that is being woefully misrepresented somewhere. But don’t take pride in simply being what you are.

Because that’s just part of the completely random toolbox you got at birth - a toolbox you could not have possibly chosen any part of.

Taking pride OR feeling shame over things that you had no hand in is something you have no right or reason to do.

Never judge anyone - not even yourself - by what they have. Judge only by what they DO with what they have.

These thoughts have all been spawned by my time on tumblr. It’s a community that wants to be progressive and inclusive, but is much too often anything but. It’s all complaining, all vitriol, all salt, all echo chambers fostering this kind of thinking. Very little, if any, actual attempts at working towards real improvement.

I remember seeing a comic that circulated some time ago. About equality vs equity. There were these three kids standing by a fence, trying to watch a game of some sport or another taking place at the other side. They were all different height.

In the equality picture, all three kids got a box to stand on, of equal size.

In the equity picture, they got a different amount of boxes, making it so all of them could see over the fence.

But there was a third picture. One rarely included.

This picture adressed the fence itself. It swapped the wooden fence to a wire fence. One that all three kinds could see the game through, without any need of boxes.

That’s the kind of world I’d much rather live in. One where the barrier itself is adressed. Where there is no need for boxes to stand on.

Yet all anyone can really, truly do, is do as Michael Jackson said, and start with the man in the mirror.

We can complain. We can decry. We can wallow. But it’s all for naught if we don’t then step up and act on it.

I'm sick and tired of the ceaseless complaining without action and the oppressive feeling of helplessness fostered here. I want to actually DO something to help the world be better. And if I’m not in a position where I can help personally, I can at least reach out to those in a position to do so.

This is why I donate to charity whenever I can afford it, despite my miniscule budget of a university student on sick leave with a lot of medical fees.

This is why I endeavor to always smile to strangers, be they the retail worker at the checkout, a simple passerby or the cold beggar on the street.

This is why I am always eager to share what I know with people who may need it, be it pointers about mental health or simply how to patch up a torn pair of pants.

All minuscule, inconsequential acts in the grand scheme of things. But it’s something. It’s my small straw, pulled to the anthill. Makes me feel just a little tiny bit less helpless about all the terrible things in the world.

Because even if it’s something small, it’s better than doing nothing. Far better than simply complaining and wallowing about a problem without ever following it up with action.

I don’t even know what I’m on about anymore. I should probably stop writing. Get something to eat. Go to sleep. Bye for now, then.

#status update #mental health stuff #really long rant #disjointed flow of thoughts garbled onto a page #had a lot of stuff to get off my chest I suppose #probably ignore this

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pepper-chase · 7 years

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happiness

it was a while-- too long before she was conscious of what that word felt like. ( a gentle warmth, lapping over her body and carrying her away, peaceful, comforting. )

in kindergarten, on ‘h’ day, they taught her: happiness. n. a state of contentment; a state of being happy. everyone drew a picture of something that made them happy. she asked her teacher to go to the nurse. she didn’t know what to draw.

occasionally, it would bubble up, which was cool. like on her ninth birthday when she got invited to draw with sidewalk chalk after having one of the shittiest days known to third graders across america, and one of the girls gave her a zebra cake because it was her birthday and she didn’t have any other cake. or when she got put in a house with people who cared, and they hugged her and her whole body felt like it was glowing and they paid attention. or when she was with hanna.

hanna made happiness more than a fleeting smile or a giggle that could magically dry tears, it seeped through all her pores and got rid of bad shit like an exorcism or a juice cleanse or hanging her head into the toilet with a toothbrush in her throat, but afterwards, she didn’t feel tired or gross, just warm and good. on thanksgiving she had a home to be in because hanna had invited her to her grandmother’s, a couple weeks later, she was baking blueberry muffins and kissing her in her bedroom, at school, she fought carleigh and kassidy and jacqueline because they made her stand on a scale and three words accidentally slipped out as she was yelling and she’s my girlfriend was one of the most beautiful things her ears had heard because someone wanted her, not just for a tax cut or a couple months of feeling like a good person. on the last night of hanukkah, she had another home, in hanna’s apartment, watching her light a candle, getting one last present and a kiss on her cheek. on christmas eve, sitting in front of that big window and kissing her, sitting on her lap, feeling her hands move. on any given day, ever, meeting her right at her door, she always had food because she knew she would “forget,” on valentine’s day, whispering into her hair as she rubbed that spot on her side under her shirt that she loved her, pepper wishing she wasn’t too scared to say it back. on her birthday, following hanna to the taxi, riding blindfolded to coney island, crying because nobody had ever fucking cared that much, resting her head in the spot between her ear and her shoulder on the ferris wheel, falling asleep on the way back home, hearing the softest “pepper?” of her entire life, then feeling only a light kiss on her forehead before she had to open her eyes again. sneaking into prom as sophomores, laughing so hard her stomach hurt from something other than being hungry, god, that dress looked so good on her shrinking bones, even if hanna was constantly trying to force mozzarella sticks down her throat. feeling the words almost come out of her throat, i love you, nothing is bad with you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you

then hanna was gone because some asshole ran a red light and her body got cold on the pavement and her radiant smile was dead and replaced by fear because the last thing she felt was a car windshield, the last thing she heard was breaking glass. not i love you.

and then happiness had to come from somewhere else. sick gratification from being small and hungry and pretty, she was still pretty, right? somehow, skeleton thighs made her blood rush again, starving was an art and she was the best at it and she still wasn’t good enough but she’d get there, maybe, please, god.

and then it’s a burden, and she just wants to eat and not hate herself but hanna is dead and her mom is here now but she doesn’t love her or believe in her, not really, and she doesn’t even want to get out of bed and she lets herself get so sick that jordan has to rescue her from an endless cycle of puking nothing and cutting and sleeping and jordan is happy even when she’s sad and she says she loves her but her body is so tired that it can’t feel that anymore and she yells at her and makes her leave and punishes her for caring because she doesn’t deserve that.

and then alice starts to suck all that pain out like poison from a snake bite, but she’s so scared and hanna still comes at night and she can’t touch her or hold her and she fucking needs that and she lets herself make the same fucking mistake and she pushes her and pushes her until little drops of poison come back and back and back and she wants to love alice but she doesn’t know if she can because she let her brain freeze her heart in place.

and gina’s smile is the kind that shows all her teeth, even part of the gums, like hanna’s, and she’s funny and mysterious and she lets pepper open her body and dump her guts into the bed while she’s still naked and she says the sun shines out of her tits and she’s so confused but she knows that warmth and she knows it comes when gina smiles or kisses her under her ear or when heather nudges her arm and calls her pepperoni or really hugs her, tight, the kind of hug that could lift her off the ground, or when alice really looks happy, too. the waves of warmth are there. the hard part now is making them stay.

#asks #thoughts #getting to these memes slowly but surely #i just get carried away #tw:anorexia #tw:depression #tw:bulimia #tw:self harm #tw:death #Anonymous

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