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faithfromanewperspective · 2 months

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yk I’ll bitch about purity culture as much as the next person but, it’s kinda pissing me off the way exvangelical and christian atheist spaces seem to centre the white western experience like yes I get shamed when I post a picture in a bikini or am ever intimate—emotionally or physically—with anyone—but for the most part THAT’S BECAUSE MY FAMILY IS FROM SOUTHEAST ASIA. like as much as there are pockets (and I can’t generalise the whole area. there is a lot I love about my cultural mishmash) that really value community and stuff that I love in order to facilitate that it seems, our whole culture is about masking. If you unmask you’re all western and individualist (sorry for just trying to SURVIVE when it’s impossible to connect with anyone like this).

and so no matter how much I see of ‘oh the bible doesn’t actually say don’t have sex before marriage and modesty is about not flaunting wealth’ (both of these things are true btw) it’s not gonna combat the shame that comes from nowhere near Christianity. My mother and I both found liberation in Christianity actually and guess what. we want to call out the church for abusing power too. we would know about that wouldn’t we?? and yet all the relatable stuff about rediscovering your sexuality and whatever just ends up being really culturally insensitive and exclusionary. because we’ve given up so much and yeah we want to give up our shame but not our honour, we want to feel successful in our culture in the ways that honour who we are, and have that be enough to fit in that the ways we don’t don’t matter. we want to share in the liberation we have because of Christ. but now it’s hard to fit into spaces that agree with us on these foundational things because they’re so fucking white.

and I’m ready to blame it on colonialism. this isn’t an ‘oh asians are the worse perpetrators of purity culture’ post—there’s nothing about not tempting men to sin or whatever, it’s the very fact that if you’re a woman you’re expected to be moulded into whatever society wants of you and if you’re a woman of colour it’s even worse. and yet no one wants to talk about that. about how my grandma married my granddad because how could she shame her family name by having anyone THINK that she fucked a guy and led him on and then left him even if 1) that’s how dating works, even in the 60s and 2) their sex life is none of anyones business and definitely not mine. because all these toxic systems of family honour and stuff that we’re rightfully wary of—what else do you have when your homeland is constantly invaded and when you have to work twice as hard to get recognised in the same jobs as white people thus the stereotype of the Asian nerd?? we just all want dignity in one way or another and people of colour are gonna want even more to be seen as proper when we’re already marginalised.

and so if you’re trying to create a more welcoming environment for us, do better. Asian churches tend to have that same shame and honour culture creep in, don’t you think we might want spaces to recover from that?? while holding onto our liberation because of our faith but not losing our identity in our ethnicity?? and also. don’t you think we know how to do better when we have seen the contagious trauma of people having power over our people who then go and try to do the same to each other to try and appease them and convince them we’re good? don’t you think it should be the people on the other side of this white supremacy and colonialism that might have the answers on how to solve it without making it worse?? because we’re seeing the same pattern again and again and we’re fucking sick of it.

#I think I need to unfollow some of the accounts I really love on Instagram #because they’re so white and so American #but then again I could probably reach out to them and mention this #I bet they never even thought of it #exvangelical #purity culture #chrsitianity #corporate punk #progressive christianity #colonialism

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mikoriin · 2 years

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Hello Mikoriin! I saw your request for experiences of wearing the hijab for your character and I thought I'd chip in with my pov! (hopefully this helps!)

As a background, I'm a 31 year old muslim malay in Malaysia. I grew up with a pretty balanced muslim family of 7 children (i'm the second eldest). My parents are both from lower income families who got overseas education (scholarship) in the States back in the 80s. So while they're very strict with basic rules where the religion is concerned, they're pretty balanced and liberal in letting us decide what we want to do with what we're taught about the religion. (i.e they told us to wear the hijab when we were kids but they did say if we don't want to anymore when we're older, we're free to not wear it [though it'll make them sad]. They explicitly mention this as a sign of respect that we're adults who can decide what we want with our life at a certain point) .This is not quite the norm as far as I heard, so I think that has influenced me quite a bit in how I adapt to many aspects of Islam, including how I see wearing the hijab.

To summarise it, the hijab to be is a veil of protection. Ofc the texts tells us this is what is to be expected of us women, but I was also told that it is to give us the power of deciding who we want to reveal our crowning feature (or in some texts, it's actually described as the 'crown'), mainly it refers to our hair (as far as I'm told. I'm not an expert but it seems to be the case). To me at least, as someone who is very reserved and careful with others, I appreciate being able to feel like revealing this (a part of myself) is within my control at least. But I'm a pretty private person in general, so I think this works out the best for me too. And having something to be considered sacred really grounds me, personally. I've been told this is pretty old-fashioned but I like it at least T-T I feel very empowered wearing a hijab.

Between you and me, I've tried walking out without it and it just didn't feel right. I didn't appreciate the way people looked at me and their insistence that "you're better this way". I felt very... invaded in a way? If that makes sense? I ended up putting on my hijab again after and never took it off since (only when I'm really nauseous, sick or i'm in some kind of physical ailment and I need some air).

I also personally appreciate that as someone who is of a very mixed heritage and as someone who doesn't really feel like I belong in any category through my life, that I am recognised as being muslim from a single look. Even though these days it makes me a bit of a target when I travel to western countries and that can be scary, it makes me feel like I belong somewhere. Like I have some identity that I feel at home with.

Also, I realise that growing up wearing the hijab has really taught me what is considered beauty and I learned early on about what the public perpetuates as a standard of beauty isn't all there is to me at a very young age (way before the internet was talking about it). There's some sort of switch that turns on when you have to dress yourself with limitations. There's something weird about it that kind of makes you dig deeper because I can't dress like most of my friends do so I guess that makes me search for my individualism in an organic way. What I've learned has balanced me a lot and I really, genuinely enjoy wearing it. Not to mention the kind of things you can do creatively with a hijab is endless! And at most if I mess up, I'll be damaging fabric i can recycle into something else rather than my hair TvT haha. this works well for me who's not very good at handling delicate things like hair.

Also a plus is that you never have to worry about bad hair day lmao. I love being able to rush for my university classes way back when and just stuff my hair into my hijab instead of having to put products and protect it from the sun so this also appeals to lazy little me lmao.

So basically!! It makes me feel safe, makes me feel beautiful. It's convenient, it gives me a sense of identity. A sense of belonging. And it's my ultimate lady's tool to always look as clean and sharp as possible! haha. I hope this helps! Sorry for the long ramble :,))) I'm so excited to hear you're writing a hijabi character! Makes me so happy!

wow thank you SO MUCH for your input!! i think i want to incorporate some of these thoughts into heather's character if thats okay! i already have her wearing hijab because thats 1) how she was raised by her parents, 2) because she feels beautiful and confident in it and without it she feels naked. i personally have always thought hijabs were so beautiful and muslim women were so graceful and ethereal with their headdresses, and i kind of want to give heather a bit of that from growing up seeing her mom look beautiful in hijab. i havent designed heather's mom but i want her to be gorgeous for sure haha

i also did originally have heather's parents be kind of strict with their religion, but i think i might change it to where theyre still very devout, however theyre more lenient with it comes to how their children interpret their religion and what it means to them. heather is an only child right now, but maybe ill give her a sibling or two as i develop her and her family more! (definitely thinking i want elise to have younger siblings instead of being an only child)

but yeah thank you so much for this beautiful message and for sharing your thoughts with me it was really insightful!!

#ocs #affinity #heather

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monsterhugger · 3 years

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cw csa/

am i overanalyzing this? am i applying weird symbolism that doesnt exist in a shonen battle manga? have other people already written better meta analyses of this? almost definitely.

but like... the relationship between tomura and all for one (and also between AFO and his brother) seems to be at the very least allegorical to grooming. whether it's a metaphor or it's meant to be read as him having actually groomed/abused tomura there's just. so much to them that feels like it has that subtext... examples under cut for brevity's sake

-numerous instances of AFO being shown stroking tomura's hair, as well as this cover which seems to depict him being grabbed/petted (the two hands at the top in particular). the hands given to him by AFO could also be an effort to get him used to being touched.

tomura states at one point that wearing all of the hands makes him feel sick. some of his discomfort with the hands obviously comes from them being his dead family members, but some of them are from complete strangers, and tomura has shown that he doesn't feel guilty or remorseful over killing strangers (or his father for that matter). if the hands are serving another purpose in getting tomura used to unwanted/inappropriate touch, it doesn't seem out of place.

-the concept of forced quirk activation/forcibly giving someone a quirk feels kind of uncomfortable. tomura's situation is a bit different from yoichi (AFO's brother) with the whole tube thing but when we see AFO give yoichi one for all, he seems to be in pain/distress, whereas when izuku receives the same quirk from all might it's not shown as being painful.

being given a quirk by AFO is clearly a traumatic experience, and at least in the case of tomura and yoichi if it's representative of another form of violence it fits with a pattern.

-speaking of yoichi, i find this pretty telling:

this is the viz translation, so of course take it with a grain of salt, but i find the specific use of the word "groomed" to at least be somewhat significant. especially since this is coming from yoichi, who obviously having been a victim of AFO's abuse is familiar with how he works. yes, "groomed" doesn't always have a sexual connotation and in this case yoichi is referring to tomura's response to being severely wounded during the meta liberation battle. though it is important to note that this also implies tomura has been conditioned to not respond normally to pain or violence against his body.

on a final note regarding yoichi, there's also this:

i feel like it's pretty clear yoichi was the first subject of AFO's obsession/grooming. interesting how AFO says he could never make yoichi his despite literally having him locked in a cell 24/7: he doesn't just want access to his victim's body, he wants to be looked up to and loved by him, and he's had much more success with tomura than he did with his brother.

-the possession thing

so the possession, and specifically this page, seems to be the moment at which tomura realized he was being groomed/abused by AFO. this panel in particular seems to imply some kind of sexual abuse, at least as much as that can be implied in a work with mha's age rating: note AFO stroking tomura's hair and neck in an attempt to calm/comfort him, while the lower half of his body seems to be inside tomura. if we're assuming the grooming narrative is allegorical as opposed to something that's literally happening, this could be the moment AFO feels he's earned tomura's trust enough to get away with abusing him in this manner.

obviously, tomura understands what AFO is doing to him after this event and expresses a desire to escape AFO's abuse:

the specific repetition of "this is my body" really just... hits me. obviously he's still being possessed at this point (though see the previous panel for the metaphorical implications of that) but seeing tomura express concern over his own body after being shot multiple times, having half his hand torn off, walking around for several chapters while gaping wounds opened on several parts of his body, and also engaging in self injury from a very young age is a stark contrast. he's been groomed to not notice or care that something is hurting him, but AFO went too far and he's upset and scared and he wants out.

i'm really curious where tomura's arc is going, regardless of whether my crackpot analysis is accurate.

#csa/#bnha #bnha shigaraki #shigaraki tomura #tomura shigaraki #bnha afo #all for one #first one for all user #yoichi shigaraki #shigaraki yoichi #i set out to write this abt shigarki and like half the points are abt yoichi. oh well #hes on my mind

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wolfstar-in-color · 3 years

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July Colorful Column: Remus is a Crip, and We Can Write Him Better.

There is one thing that can get me to close a fic so voraciously I don’t even make sure I’m not closing other essential tabs in the process. It doesn’t matter how much I’m loving the fic, how well written I think it is, or how desperately I want to know how it ends. Once I read this sentence, I am done.

It’s written in a variety of different ways, but it always goes something like this: “You don’t want me,” Remus said, “I am too sick/broken/poor/old/[insert chosen self-demeaning adjective here].”

You’re familiar with the trope. The trope is canonical. And if you’ve been around the wolfstar fandom for longer than a few minutes, you’ve read the trope. Maybe you love the trope! Maybe you’ve written the trope! Maybe you’re about to stop reading this column, because the trope rings true to you and you feel a little attacked!

Now, let’s get one thing out of the way right now: I am not saying the trope is wrong. I am not saying it’s bad. I am not saying we should stop writing it. We all have things we don’t like to see in our chosen fics. Maybe you can’t stand Leather Jacket Motorbike Sirius? Maybe you think Elbow Patch Remus is overdone? Or maybe your pet peeves are based in something a little deeper - maybe you think Poor Latino Remus is an irresponsible depiction, or that PWPs are too reductive? Whatever it is, we all have our things.

Let me tell you about my thing. When I first became very ill several years ago, there were various low points in which I felt I had become inherently unlovable. This is, more or less, a normal reaction. When your body stops doing things it used to be able to do - or starts doing things you were quite alright without, thank you very much - it changes the way you relate to your body. You don’t want to hear my whole disability history, so yada yada yada, most people eventually come to accept their limitations. It’s a very painful existence, one in which you constantly tell yourself your disability has transformed you into a burdensome, unworthy member of society, and if nothing else, it’s not terribly sustainable. Being disabled takes grit! It takes power! It takes a truly absurd amount of medical self-advocacy! Hating yourself? Thinking yourself unworthy of love? No one has time for that.

Of course, I’m being hyperbolic. Plenty of disabled people struggle with these feelings many years into their disabilities, and never really get over them. But here’s the thing. We experience those stories ALL THE TIME. Remember Rain Man? Or Million Dollar Baby? Or that one with the actress from Game of Thrones and that British actor who seemed like he was going to have a promising career but then didn't? Those are all stories about sad, bitter disabled people and their sad, bitter lives, two out of three of which end in the character completing suicide because they simply couldn’t imagine having to live as a disabled person. (I mean, come on media, I get that we're less likely to enjoy a leisurely Saturday hike, but our parking is SUBLIME.) When was the last time you engaged with media that depicted a happy disabled person? A complex disabled person? A disabled person who has sex? No really, these aren’t hypothetical questions, can you please drop a rec in the notes?? Because I am desperate.

There are lots of problems with this trope, and they’ve been discussed ad nauseam by people with PhDs. I’m not actually interested in talking about how this trope leads to a more prevalent societal idea that disabled people are unworthy of love, or contributes to the kind of political thought processes that keep disabled people purposefully disenfranchised. I’m just a bitch on Tumblr, and I have a bone to pick: the thing I really hate about the trope? It’s boring. I’m bored. You know how, like, halfway through Grey’s Anatomy you realized they were just recycling the same plot points over and over again and there was just no WAY anyone working at a hospital prone to THAT MANY disasters would stay on staff? It's like that. I love a recycled trope as much as the next person (There Was Only One Bed, anyone?). But I need. Something. Else.

Remus is disabled. BOLD claim. WILD speculation. Except, not really. You simply - no matter how you flip it, slice it, puree it, or deconstruct it - cannot tell me Remus Lupin is not disabled. Most of us, by this point, are probably familiar with the way that One Canonical Author intended One Dashing Werewolf to be “a metaphor for those illnesses that carry stigma, like HIV and AIDS” [I’m sorry to link you to an outside source quoting She Who Must Not Be Named, but we’re professionals here]. Which is... a thing. It’s been discussed. And, listen, there’s no denying that this parallel is a problematic interpretation of people who have HIV/AIDS and all such similar “those illnesses” (though I’ll admit that I, too, am perennially apt to turn into a raging beast liable to harm anything that crosses my path, but that’s more linked to the at-least-once-monthly recollection that One Day At A Time got cancelled). Critiques aside, Remus Lupin is a character who - due to a condition that affects him physically, mentally, emotionally, and intellectually - is repeatedly marginalized, oppressed, denied political and social power, and ostracized due to unfounded fear that he is infectious to others. Does that sound familiar?

We’re not going to argue about whether or not “Remus is canonically disabled as fuck” is a fair reading. And the reason we’re not going to argue about whether or not it’s a fair reading is because I haven’t read canon in 10-plus years and you will win the argument. Canon is only marginally relevant here. The icon of this blog is brown, curly haired Remus Lupin kissing his trans boyfriend, Sirius Black. We are obviously not too terribly invested in canon. The wolfstar fandom is now a community with over 25,000 AO3 fics, entire careers launched from drawing or writing or cosplaying this non-canonical pairing. We love to play around here with storylines and universes and races and genders and sexualities and all kinds of things, but most of the time? Remus is still disabled. He’s disabled as a werewolf in canon-compliant works, he’s disabled in the AUs where he was injured or abused or kidnapped or harmed as a child, he’s disabled in the stories that read him as chronically ill or bipolar or traumatized or blind or Deaf. I’d go so far as to say that he is one of very few characters in the Wide Wonderful World of media who is, in as close to his essence as one can be, always disabled. And that means? Don’t shoot the messenger... but we could stand to be a tiny bit more responsible with how we portray him.

Disabled people are complicated. As much as I’d like to pretend we are always level-headed, confident, and ready to assert our inherent worth, we are still just humans. We have bad days. We doubt our worth. We sometimes go out with guys who complain about our steroid-induced weight gain (it was a long time ago, Tumblr, okay??). But, we also have joy and fun and good days and sex and happiness and families and so many other things.

Remus is a disabled character, and as such, it’s only fair that he’d have those unworthy moments. But - I propose - Remus is also a crip. What is a crip? A crip - like a queer - is someone who eschews the limited boundaries placed on their bodies, who rejects a hierarchy of oppression in favor of an intersectional analysis of lived experience, who isn’t interested in being the tragic figure responsible for helping people with dominant identities realize how good they have it. Crips interpret their disabilities however they want, rethinking bodies and medicine and pleasure and pain and even time itself. Crips are political, community-minded, and in search of liberation.

Remus is a character who struggles with his disability, sure. But he’s also a character who leverages his physical condition to attempt to shift communities towards his political leanings, advocates for the rights of those who share his physical condition, and has super hot sex with his wrongfully convicted boyfriend ultimately goes on to build community and family. Having a condition that quite literally cripples you, over which you have no control, and through which you are often read as a social pariah? That’s disability. But using said condition as a means through which to build advocacy and community? Now that’s some crip shit.

Personally, I love disabled!Remus Lupin. But I love crip!Remus Lupin even more. I’d love to see more of a Remus who owns his disability, who covets what makes him unique, and who never ever again tells a potential romantic partner they are too good for him because of his disability. This trope - unlike There Was Only One Bed! - sometimes actually hurts to read. Where’s Remus who thinks a potential romantic partner isn’t good enough for him? Where’s Remus who insists his partners learn more about his condition in order to treat him properly? Where’s sexy wheelchair user Remus? Where’s Remus who uses his werewolf transformations as an excuse to travel the world? Where’s crip Remus??

We don’t have to put “you don’t want me” Remus entirely to bed. It is but one of many repeated tropes that are - in the words of The Hot Priest from Fleabag - morally a bit dubious. And let’s face it - we don’t always come to fandom for its moral superiority (as much as we sometimes like to think we do).

This is not a condemnation - it is an invitation. Able-bodied folks are all but an injury, illness, or couple decades away from being disabled. And when you get here, I sincerely hope you don’t waste your time on “you don’t want me”ing back and forth with the people you love. I’m inviting you to come to the crip side now. We have snacks, and without all the “you don’t want me” talk, we get to the juicy parts much faster.

Colorfully,

Mod Theo

#wolfstar #disability in fandom #disabled remus #crip remus #please write me some crip remus #I beg of you #fandom meta

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graphicabyss · 2 years

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War Chronicles (reposted from Twitter)

Just thought I'd repost it here for posterity.

Day 1: There are bad mornings and then there's waking up to sirens because Russia invaded at 5 AM.

Day 2: Was woken up by sirens and had to hang out in the shelter, which is just an ancient basement. The capital is under siege. I've no idea what happens next.

I've left Kiev and staying at my sister's in the country where it's safer.

Day 4: We're all fine and optimistic. The Russians haven't managed to take any major cities and suffer heavy losses. They expected an easy win so they're in for a big disappointment. They're demoralized and running out of fuel and ammo. Shouldn't be long.

Day 7 of war. I'm fine, except I got sick, possibly with Covid. Spent a few days lying down but I'm better now. We're holding on well and it's nice the whole world applauds our resilience but we still very much need foreign assistance to win.

Day 9: I'm feeling much better but there are others who are more sick. It's relatively quiet here but the cities are still being bombed. There's no time to worry. We also make short informational videos and post them online to try to get through to Russians.

Day 10: We're mostly recovered but yesterday the water pump broke so we had to bring it from the well. The men finally managed to fix it now and I had a very luxurious shower. It's starting to feel like a new normal.

Day 14… I think… Time has somewhat lost its meaning now. Doing fine overall but the exhaustion is taking its toll. Normal life seems so distant, like a blissful dream.

Day 18: It's actually pretty hard to get depressed when you have a 6-year old who randomly leans in to you and whispers to your ear "karapupskin!!!" [s]

Day 19: The village I'm staying at is actually a great archeological site of one of the world's oldest civilizations. Right now many museum artefacts that are like 6,000 years old, books and documents are just lying randomly in the basement. [s]

We didn't go there for the artifacts though. We went to help the local women knit some military camouflage nets. I don't know if they will be any good but it felt good to be a part of this.[s]

Day 20: There's hope that war ends within a week or two since Russian forces have exhausted their resources, losing about a 1/3 of its army already. But each day is innocent lives lost.

The 6-year old loves to read and she reads everything she sees. You have to be careful though coz today she came over to me and bagan to read the headline on the monitor "As of today, 97 children have died in the war" I manged to scroll the page just in time.

The little one doesn't really seem to realize what is going on. Or so we thought. Today she hid from me and told me she teleported to Kiev. When I asked her what she was doing there, she said she killed all the tanks there so we can now go home.

Day 24: I feel more angry and upset than I ever was since the start of war. Our troops miraculously pushed the Russians away form the cities but we can't stop the planes and missiles. Our cites are being leveled. Burned to the ground. People are dying.

The West promised us help but they mostly sent old useless stuff. We badly need aircraft and anti-missile systems to fight back. The West won't give us any or only agrees to give it in exchange for something better. What's the use of NATO and UN if they just stand by and watch?

Day 31: It seems like Russian lost hope of capturing Kiev and focused on the East instead. Maryana (6 yo) with her family left for Kiev today but I decided to stay for longer and make sure it's safe.

Day 38: After 5 weeks in the country, I finally came home today. Hopefully, to stay. It's not 100% safe yet, but nowhere is right now. The road was long and every mile was secured with anti-tank "hedgehogs" and stoic men from the volunteer militias.

Day 40: The Northern front, including Kiev region, has been liberated. It brought relief but also immense pain at the horrors found there. Many people wonder how Hitler and his people managed to commit all the atrocities. This is how.

It's good waking up in your own bed. You can lie in bed for some time and pretend that everything was but a terrible dream.

Day 41: The first few days back home were a nervous wreck but turns out you can get used to things very quickly, even things like sirens several times a day, iron anti-tank hedgehogs outside your window, military men and women everywhere. It's all fine when you know you are 99% safe.

Day 49: The war is stalling but that's somehow even worse as the news all deal with the horrors found in liberated towns. Every day a new mass grave discovered, often just miles from here. Grief is a life state now. I knew humanity can get ugly but never so close to home.

Day 51: The infamous battle ship finally went where it was directed but it got them really pissed off, so we went from 1 siren a day back to 5. Whatever. The embassies who fled before the war even started are coming back and the "hedgehogs" beneath my window are gone.

Day 53: I'm not a military expert and I've never been patriotic, but with the stuff our army's pulling in the past 7 weeks, I'd expect NATO to beg us to enter. Especially considering they expected us to fail within days.

Day 62: Descended into the vault the other day. In the month we've been away, it hasn't changed much. The only additions were a lightbulb and crates with gas masks from I assume the WWII? Hopefully, we won't need them any more. [s]

Day 64: The situation is stable. Battles continue but we're holding our ground. The next few weeks will be decisive. All I hope for is that the besieged civilians will get evacuated, our army will handle the rest.

Spent over 2 hours bracing ourselves from the threat of air strikes. Two explosions were heard, several blocks away. Talk about a ruined evening.

Day 65: Wait, US… you can't give us 1 fighter jet but Taliban gets 78? That's lovely. [s]

Haven't listened to NEWS in weeks. Though uplifting songs is their thing, they're the "you can pass this test!" songs, not "you can survive this genocide!" type.

Day 71: After a few quiet days, it's now sirens for hours a day. The Russians target the railroads and supply lines and try to delay the delivery of the weapons from the West.

I tend to forget the pandemic is still going on. You see, here in Ukraine it ended on February 24. No more masks and mandates. Not a word of it. Thanks, Russia.

Day 73: Russia is poised to celebrate Victory Day so it could announce war and mobilization, claim the territory it already captured, attack Moldova, … idk nuke something? It's the world's shittiest lottery and I'm not sticking around to see the grand reveal.

Day 77: Nothing apocalyptic happened on May 9. It's almost disappointing, really. In the country, with all the bloom and without even the sirens, you tend to forget there's a war going on and it feels wrong. So I'm back home again.

Day 80: They say it's now a war of attrition. At best, we'll be able to counter-attack effectively in a month and it might take months more to reclaim our territory. The city is fairly safe but people still die from missiles once in a while. And I thought life was strange before.

The girl I was teaching Japanese before the war has become a refugee in France. Now I'm teaching her French.

Day 84: I had a dream where I was sitting on a bench with my mother at night, in an unfamiliar town, when missiles started falling right before our eyes, spreading fire, getting closer to us. We didn't run, there was no point. I prepared to die. They never reached us.

Day 87: Today is my birthday and the first to greet me today were Russian missiles announced by sirens. Thankfully, they were greeted in turn by Ukrainian air defence systems.

Day 90: It's been 3 months and the martial law has been extended to another 3 months. It's unlikely to end by then but… We just hope that 3 months from now, the war map will be a very different picture.

Day 92: The following month will be brutal, they say. The landlease will give us weapons but it can take a month or more for it to get here and another few weeks to get the training. Until then, it will just be more death and destruction every day without much gains.

Day 94: At least 30k Russian soldiers lost their lives trying to conquer my land. How many more?

Day 95: Today is City Day, the annual Kyiv festival. I totally forgot about it and I never really loved my city - it's messy and ugly. But today I'm just happy the city still stands.

"They are worse than the Nazis" is not a phrase you expect to hear from multiple elderly people, well, ever.

Day 101: at this point half my mind wants to forget about everything and pretend it's business as usual and the other half feels really guilty about that.

I wouldn't say interactions between people have changed much but these days when you make a deal at online shops, many wish you "a peaceful sky". And it's more than a pleasantry.

Day 102: Just when we started to feel safe, thinking the city's defence systems can hold any strike, 5 missiles crashed over the city. They were sent from the fucking Caspian sea, some 1,5-2k km away. No casualties, but then I think it was just a power move.

Day 106: I can recognize the voices of various military analysts mom is watching in the next room by now and I wish I didn't.

Day 111: Relatives in Russia say "Hope it ends soon." They don't get it. It never ends. Even if by some miracle the West gives us enough weapons and we push back, it won't end. This is just the beginning and there's no escape from it.

Day 112: If you listen to foreign politicians, you'd think we're getting a fuckton of weapons but we're not. It's just talk, stalling, more talk and more stalling. And here we're losing our best day after day.

Day 121: Yesterday we were granted EU candidate status. It's great news though right now it's hard to feel joy and gravity of the moment.

Day 122: "The Russians kept me up all night" got a whole new meaning lately. 48 fucking rockets...

Day 123: Woke up at about 6.30 from the swishing sound followed by explosion, 3 more followed. Today we met Russian "Caliber" missiles.

Day 134: After about 5 quiet days, 3 nights of terror. It's the world's shittiest lottery - every time it's over you're glad it didn't hit your city but wonder if someone died somewhere else.

One of the nation's favourite shows now is "interviews with Russian soldier captives". It's simply amazing how out of 200+ men, not one shot or shelled anyone. Every single one of them is a confused innocent bystander. It's tragic, really.

Day 141: Some days you can phase off the war, shield yourself and try to find some good. And days like today you can't. You just hurt, wondering how much longer? When will you wake up and not see reports of how many babies died from the shelling. When does this nightmare end?

Day 150: Poor UN leaders so proud of their historic deal, a diplomatic triumph. We knew better.

Day 155: Three alarms this morning, back to back, and one more at noon. The explosions were outside the city but I still heard them. A charming midsummer morning.

At night I try to escape to the world of adventure and magic and then I wake up to the world of destruction, murder, rape and torture.

Day 167: They really need to stop smoking near the air bases. Bad for tourism.

Day 181: Two national holidays in a row, which is practically asking Russia to shell the fuck out of us. Surviving the day feels a little too literal.

Day 182: Today is Ukraine's Independence Day. It also marks 6 months of the war. Russia made sure to congratulate us with massive shelling. How considerate. Never cared about the holiday but today I'm just glad we exist.

We survived another day. Except those of us who didn't. Alarms went off all day long, in some cities up to 14 times. I am so exhausted I barely function, sleep-deprived and nauseous. But there's nothing to do but keep going.

Day 183: The day went by quietly. No wonder, shelling a large country all day must be exhausting. Scumbags need rest too.

Day 187: We're counter-atacking! We're actually counter-fucking attacking for real! Blessed be the day. There is hope yet.

Day 195: Over 50k Russian soldiers died in these lands and I fear there shall be a lot more.

Day 197: We're taking it back. South and East, village by village we're taking our land back. I haven't felt this joyful in a long time.

Day 214: There has been some terrific news and some terrible as well. But what is clear is that the end is nowhere to be seen and that terrifies me.

Day 229: Woke up to missiles hitting the city centre. We thought we were safe here but looks like that was an illusions. There are massive strikes all over the country, perhaps the biggest in the war. Power outages and deaths.

Day 230: Another 5-hour alarm but Kyiv wasn't hit. It's light compared to the 84 missiles yesterday. Street lights are out at night for safety and saving energy. Hopefully, we won't have to resort to mass power outages.

Day 236: Not a boring day goes by. I already knew what missiles sounds like. Now it's fucking Iranian kamikaze drones. For the record, it's kinda like a deranged landmower that shoots fireworks.

Day 237: The government says to prepare for the worst. The power outages could get severe. That could mean no light, no water and no heating. Not to mention the internet. And here I thought it was bad.

I just want to skip to the part where Netflix makes a drama series about the war and foreign artists come here to make pretentious grungy videos.

Day 241: More massive strikes. Millions of people are left without power. I almost feel bad I haven't had any blackouts in recent days.

Day 250: Monday mornings are seldom pleasant but lately they became massive shelling days. Ukraine needs no Halloween. It's fucking scary every day.

Never thought I'd feel so privileged to have power and water and internet to keep my low-paying job. Though things can get worse any moment.

80% of people in the capital are without water, and many without power. Fuck this shit.

Day 252: You have to condition yourself to not mind the explosions without prior alarms. They are probably just planned detonations of the unexploded rockets. Probably.

Day 253: There's just one thing that is certain: no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse. Today a pipe broke in mother's bedroom, we were ankle deep in water. Spent 1,5 scooping in out with pans. Everything's wet now. Still, it could be worse.

Running around the apartment ankle deep in warm water is the closest thing I got to a holiday this year.

Day 257: Every day is a weird day these days. You think what to get for dinner but also what to do if the city's power grid is destroyed entirely.

Day 262: It started out as a lovely day. Now, alarms and more missiles on the way. And it was pretty expected. They wouldn't just let Kherson slide.

Day 265: One of the worst days of the war so far. The biggest shelling yet. 90 missiles and 10 drones. It was terrifying. And thing are gonna get even tougher. Electricity has become a privilege, not a given.

Day 269: It's been nearly 9 months and I'm the most anxious I've been. The constant stress pushed down the mental and physical health. And it's only bound to get worse. I still have power and heating but it could be gone any day and the winter hasn't even started…

Day 274: Another massive shelling yesterday left me without power for over 24h and partly without water. It seems the energy infrastructure is hanging by a thread and so does my health and sanity. Don't know how much more damage I can sustain. But what do you do?

It's weird living in power saving mode. Half the time half the city doesn't work. You make your way outside, trying not to break your neck in the dark in the snow only to find shops, pharmacies and post offices closed or semi-functioning.

Day 294: Woke up at 6.30 AM from a massive explosion close to us. It went on for 3 hours. Fucking drones. Thankfully, it seems like they're just debris and nobody died. Another lovely morning in town.

Day 296: Woke up to sirens and no power. Another 4 hours of massive shelling. Now there's no heating too. But it's not too bad. Kharkiv's infrastructure is basically destroyed. And I thought the week was going bad before…

Day 297: Another country-wide alarm. This time is was just cheap intimidation. Actually, very expensive intimidation. But you start to forget what peaceful mornings feel like.

Day 299: Waking up to explosions is really starting to get old.

Social anxiety is such a luxury. I used to have the "making a phonecall" kind once. Now it's mostly "I wonder if I'll get murdered in my bed by an Iranian drone" kind.

Day 300: 12 hours without power. Had a feeling my luck would run out eventually. And it can still get worse.

Day 301: I quit my job. It was a long time coming and felt natural, especially since the total blackout the next day. It was not sustainable among other things. Things keep getting harder but at least I won't have to worry about that anymore. Sure not gonna miss it. Can't decide what I hated writing more: Economist-worthy texts for $1.5 a piece or texts about Taylor Swift's cats while hearing explosions outside.

Day 302: It's Winter Solstice. I don't care about Christmas but this day is worth celebrating. It means we have survived the darkest day of the year.

Day 303: There are already over 100k dead Russians in the war. What a waste of lives. Meanwhile, we're bracing for another massive strike. Christmas seems like a fitting time for it.

Just learned that the Kyiv Trolleybus network is the largest in the world. Or was. The city decided to suspend it for now, along with the trams, to save power.

The city is crippled. My post office had power for just few hours in days so they couldn't do much. My local mini-market was cast in darkness, with confused employees escorting you with flashlights. Some shops have generators but only for light, not freezers. Normalcy is gone.

Day 305: Tried to get myself into a somewhat Christmassy mood but the sound of sirens drown my merry music.

This isn't the worst war the humanity has seen but it's the most public one yet. There has never been so much destruction and death so well documented. On the one hand, it's a good thing, but on the other, it makes it so much more painful to live through.

Day 309: Another waking up at 5 am to alarms. A generous 69 missiles from Russia. Most shot down but we heard probably the loudest explosion yet, even if not the most violent.

Day 311 (Dec 31): Generosity is giving when you have little left. Thanks, Russia, for your precious missiles. We appreciate the gesture.

Today there isn't much to celebrate and much to mourn. At least we survived another year. I don't expect 2023 to be good. I just hope it's a little less terrible. Happy New Year, world! I wish for you to never go through what we are facing every day.

Day 312: 32 drones over Kyiv. All shot down. Fuck Santa. Hail the military, utility workers, medics and rescue teams.

Day 320: Just when it seems like things might be getting better, a new enemy appears - a debilitating chronic condition that you thought long defeated. Have fun getting your body to function.

2022 was absolute horrible. And yet, somehow not the worst year of my life. There's no hell like the one that opens up inside of you.

Day 325: It's been quiet for over a week now but guess they made some more of those big blasty thingies because the day has not been fun so far.

Day 335: The past 2 weeks have been mostly quiet but there's no peace of mind whatsoever. I'm trying hard to recover and brace for things ahead but wounds don't heal, they fester.

Day 358: Got a little freaked out looking out the window tonight. It took a few seconds to comprehend what was off. Instead of the usual gaping darkness, the street is now lit. It feels too bright almost.

Got too cocky, I guess. At night 36 missiles were launched and now we have no water, none. We can't have good things. Oh, there goes another one.

Day 359: Trams and trolleys are back! The city is coming back to life again. But so are the shellings.

Day 362: People in the street were complaining about all the city centre being restricted. Turns out it's Joe coming to visit.

Day 366: It's been a year. I remember waking up to sirens but nothing else of that day. I only hope this anniversary is first and last.

#ukraine war #russia ukraine war #war on ukraine

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gladerwolfstarkimagines · 3 years

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Mesmerised: Mai x female reader - Imagine being a singer and capturing the attention of the stoic knife expert herself.

Mai’s POV

Mai had never liked singing.

Ever.

She found every singer hurt her ears or was just dreadfully dull. She was sure music was the most over-rated form of art....until she heard you sing.

Mai was truly perplexed and intrigued by her fondness for your singing, it was almost unantural the effect it had on her and Mai had no idea why it affected her so much. She had been walking home one day when your voice drifted out from a cafe. It had tugged at her and she found herself slowing down. She’d never heard a voice like yours. There was something so appealing about it, something so...emotion-provoking, Mai actually felt something stir in her. This had never happened to her and Mai was both surprised and alarmed at the sensation. She carried on walking and shrugged it off but you lingered on her mind. She wondered who sang like that and why she hadn’t heard that song before. It was comforting and beautiful but she knew she had never experienced anything like it before. Your voice played over and over again in her head until finally, Mai gave in. She walked back to the cafe at the same time the next day and ordered a drink. She noticed there was a stage so she took a seat with a good view and waited. As time ticked by she was ready to leave and abandon her fool's errand when you appeared. When she saw you she just knew you were that beautiful voice. Sure enough, when you started to sing the same sensation swept over her, she felt an odd array of emotions and was transfixed by every word. She finally got what people meant when they said music moved them and she liked it. But this new sensation only applied to your music specifically. She realised with an abrupt reminder as the next artist began to perform that she still hated all other music and so she sought yours out to pinpoint exactly what it was that she liked. She came back to the same cafe the next night and then the next and before long she had your schedule memorised. She also learnt the other places you sang at and went to them too. She was slowly becoming a stalker or groupie or something but she still hadn’t figured out what it was that transfixed her and so she came back night after night just to listen to you.

Your POV

You sang at an array of fire nation cafes but even with the hundreds of bars and cafes in the fire nation capital it was difficult to make ends meet. But you’d sought a creative career in a country that favoured efficiency and concrete solutions, what did you expect? You really were a dreamer. You’d noticed this girl had been in the main cafe you sang at every single night you’d been there. Maybe it was just a coincidence and she came here every night anyway but you noticed her in the crowd a lot and hoped she was here for you. She was so mysterious and impressive. She just looked cool and emanated power dressed from head to toe in long black clothes lined sparsely with red. She was very beautiful and you wondered more and more about her every day, what her story was, where she was from, what she did for a living, just everything and anything about her. One day you got your wish.

You stepped outside the bar after a successful gig and there was the girl. She was waiting on the corner yards away from you. She turned as you came outside and your breath caught in your throat. You looked at one another and she stared at you. Her eyes were concentrated and serious adding to her mysterious powerful persona. You blushed at her intense gaze and looked away. She darted her eyes away too but you noticed she kept glancing back over at you. She stepped towards you when suddenly a pink blur appeared. "Mai!" the pink girl cried and she wrapped her arms around her.

So her name was Mai?

You smiled, it suited her.

Mai’s POV

"I’ve missed you so much" Ty lee cried still hugging her and Mai let her having learned a long time ago the easiest thing to do was just let Ty lee hug you. "It’s only been a day since we last saw each other" Mai replied dryly."Well you’re so great i missed you even after that amount of time" Ty lee cried kissing Mai’s cheek. Mai rubbed at it annoyed, she didn’t want you getting the wrong idea and thinking Ty lee was her girlfriend. She looked back to see if you were watching and found your spot empty. You’d left. "Is everything okay?". Ty lee asked noticing Mai was staring and she nodded "yeah it’s fine, let's go" and they made their way home.

“We’re home!” Ty lee called as the door swung open and Suki appeared in the corridor “Mai! How was your visit to your family?”. “Boring” she shrugged before pausing “Tomtom is getting so big now” she smiled softly. Suki nodded “I bet! I thought your ship got in at 6?”. “It did, I swung by the lavender inn”. Suki frowned “again? You’ve been going there a lot" she commented and Mai shrugged "i like it there". "Why? It’s not that nice a place" Ty lee frowned and Mai paused "i...i like the staff". When Suki and Ty lee hesitated Mai rushed to cover her back "they serve me quickly, have my order memorised and leave me alone for hours, it’s bliss". Mai could hardly tell them she actually went to lots of different cafes and bars because of a girl and not just any girl but a singer! She knew they’d tease her endlessly for liking a girl so unlike herself and Mai had berated herself over that but she couldn’t help it. You were simply her guilty pleasure and she had no intention of letting you go.

1 day later

Mai showed up at your usual place the next day and took her regular seat. She was relaxed and ready to hear your music when another girl walked on stage instead. She introduced herself and began to sing. Mai frowned, where were you? She wondered if maybe this girl was the warm-up act but as time stretched on Mai wasn’t so sure. More than a little disappointed Mai discreetly made her way towards the exit. A door leading to the back room opened and Mai heard an argument within. She paused as she recognised your voice. Mai stood casually by the door and listened to what she could hear. You were arguing with someone and it appeared to be over your wages. "I can get more money if I bring in more singers!" a man said and Mai heard you sigh “I’ve had this spot for a year! You can’t just half it, I rely on tips, this will kill my takings”. “That’s not my problem” the man retorted “you either perform here for half the time or go find somewhere else, singers are easy to replace, there are hundreds of performers exactly like you”. You laughed “no there’s not but good look finding one! You can stuff your slot!” you cried and before Mai could react you stormed out from the door past her and exited the cafe. Mai paused and waited an appropriate amount of time before following you. She looked around and saw you’d walked away from the cafe a few feet before you sat on the pavement your head in your hands. Mai watched you, clearly upset, and wondered what she should do...despite her better judgement Mai approached you. "Hey" Mai said and you paused and looked up. "I saw you storm out of the cafe...are you okay?". You nodded your head, your eyes darting over her "i’m fine i just got fired...or quit? I don’t know" you shook your head and Mai frowned. "Well it’s their loss, you're the best performer here". You glanced at Mai curiously "i am?". Mai nodded "i’ve heard you sing quite a few times and nobody sounds like you or does your style...they’ll regret it". You smiled "i have seen you around before and the other night on the corner with your girlfriend!". Mai paused and cursed Ty lee. "That was me but Ty lee isn’t my girlfriend, i don’t have a girlfriend...at least not yet" Mai said and cringed at herself. She wanted you to know she was single and that she liked girls but she’d been so obvious! You chuckled slightly and Mai’s blush rose. "Good to know, your names Mai right?". Mai nodded her head. "My names y/n, it’s nice to finally meet you". Mai smiled "it is". Your eyes met and you looked away first blushing slightly which aided the recovery of Mai’s ego a little. "Can i ask you something?" Mai said fuelled by her burst of confidence. You nodded and she took a breath "so i hate singing, any form of music basically makes me sick to my stomach but i don’t hate yours, I don’t even dislike it!". You paused before smirking "thank you?". "No that didn’t come out right...what i meant was i like your music better than anyone else's and i’ve honestly never heard anyone sing the way you do, so my question is what's your inspiration? Why do you sing so differently?". You paused, that was a big question and you weren’t sure where to start. “Well I mean I’ve always liked to sing, music was my favourite lesson in school but I found there were too many restraints on it! Don’t move when you’re singing, don’t stray from the century-year-old anthems, don’t add any personality to it...” you sighed “I always found it so odd and cruel that we weren’t allowed to just express ourselves but nobody else seemed to, they all called me odd for wanting to sing in a different key or learn a different song. I didn’t fit in with the conventional music...so i quit music classes and practised music in my own way, I found a library book of old songs from before firelord Azulon’s era, apparently they were deemed too unconventional and weak for traditional fire nation custom but I loved them! The songs weren’t harsh or imposing, they were delicate but powerful, emotional but liberating! After I learnt all of those I decided to make more. I’ve developed hundreds of adaptations but the style stayed the same because it feels so free and creative, so un-fire nation. So long story short i guess my style is so different because i rebel against anything that fits with fire nation tradition. I know it’s sacrilegious" you grinned "but i sometimes feel so trapped by all our customs and rules...singing is my rebellion". Mai smiled and you blushed as silence settled "i bet that sounds so overdramatic". Mai shook her head "i know a little about rebelling against the fire nation, it makes sense. It makes me like you...i mean your music even more" Mai said going red. She heard you chuckle under your breath and cursed herself. You went to speak when a voice called out your name. You stood up and waved to the figure "my ride is here". Mai looked down the street where a girl was waiting for you and frowned. She’d embarrassed herself enough so why not push a little more? "Ow...your girlfriend?". You smiled at Mai’s not so subtle question and looked at her "no Loren is just a friend. I don’t have a girlfriend...at least not yet" you said mimicking her earlier response and Mai blushed. "Good to know" Mai said copying you and you smiled at her. "So i should go but it was really nice talking to you Mai, I’ll hopefully see you around?". Mai nodded "yeah I hope so too" and with a smile, you disappeared.

Mai was in excellent spirits when she got home. Not only had she talked to you but she’d flirted (well an attempt at flirting) and she was fairly sure you flirted back. However the best thing was you liked girls and currently didn’t have a girlfriend. Mai kept replaying the smirk on your face when you said “not yet” and was ashamed at the light blush it caused. Things couldn't have gone better and hopefully she’d see you again soon.

Man I love Mai!

She’s in my top 3 for Avatar characters but I find her quite hard to write for because half of her scenes revolve around Zuko so it’s hard to write for her alone when we’ve got so little Mai content!

But either way, this idea came to when I was listening to this classical Chinese song titled 芒种 by 音阙诗听 & 赵方婧 and it’s honestly the most beautiful song i’ve ever heard so I’d really recommend giving it a listen a https://youtu.be/8L2ds1XxrvA. I always have one song on repeat for every imagine I write but this song totally inspired this whole piece and this is how I imagine the reader sings.

Life story over, I hoped you enjoyed the soft cute Mai content!

#mai #mai x reader #mai imagine #atla mai #avatar mai #avatar the last airbender #avatar the last airbender imagine #avatar the last airbender mai #ty lee #suki #fire nation #atla ty lee #atla suki #avatar ty lee #avatar suki #ozais angels

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pixiedoodlein · 3 years

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10 days until school and I’m no more decided than I was a week ago. I flip flop ten times day about what might be best. A is sick of hearing me talk about it. He doesn’t disagree with my risk assessment but he is sick of talking about it.

It caused an issue with his friend, a friend who is his best friend and is unvaccinated and works in a jail. Months ago we told friend he could only visit (this place is their boyhood dream) once he’s vaccinated. Friend typically believes in science and is very health conscious but his gf is a moron Trump lover and her family the same and that’s who he’s been spending all his time with since this all started. When I asked friend why he’s not vaccinated he said he’s young & healthy, didn’t trust the vaccines, would do it when they got full fda approval. Plenty of young healthy people are dead of this. Anyway then I asked ok so what if you give it to someone who isn’t and dies, people incarcerated in the jail he works in and don’t have the luxury of social distancing, and he was like eh whatever. So yes friend is an asshole, but his best friend for decades, friend has always been kind of an asshole but has many redeeming qualities too. So we said no visit. But then in July when there was no covid here and no covid where he lives and we were blissfully living our covid free lives we loosened up and said he could visit with two negative tests. But then covid got bad again and when asshole friend contacted A the other day to say he took time off in late Sept to visit, A said sorry, it’s fully fda approved now you have no excuses not to vaccinate, we’re worried about our unvaccinated kids, and as of now you can’t visit but hey maybe if you get vaccinated and the numbers look better we can reassess in a month and you can come. Friend was a total dick about it, didn’t understand our point of view at all, stressed A about it, who was in a bad mood about it for days afterward.

Then there’s the neighbors. I had a chat with the kids and a chat with the mom. I framed it as we love them so much and I know they’re careful but I think we should all be more careful while the numbers are so rising (aka only outdoor hangouts) and we are careful but I’ve heard terrifying stories from doctor friends about kids and babies getting very sick, and they have a baby who I don’t want us to make sick, and she said she agreed. The kids have been pretty good about making the adjustment from constant sleepovers to playing outside but M keeps asking me “the kids need to pee are they allowed to use the bathroom, the kids are hungry are they allowed to come inside even for one minute for a snack,” and I feel like the villain (I’ve been saying yes to pee, snacks I’ll bring out). Everyone’s been understanding but nobody is getting what I mean when I say only outdoor socializing. All the kids keep asking me when I’ll take them to town again for ice cream, “but it’s outside” (um yeah but the car’s not), asking their mom to ask me for sleepovers even though they know what the answer will be. The other day they were playing in our yard then it started raining and they were like “we can’t walk home in the rain”- I don’t want them to walk home in the rain, but again the car is indoors!- so I drove them home (but made M stay at our house). They’re not my kids so I can’t make them wear masks and it feels like now I am in the position of being the mean parent who’s psycho about covid, which in a way I am, but it would help me to stick to my guns and feel okay about sticking to them if the government policies matched the severity of the situation, ie mask mandates in public places (instead of stores posting polite recommendations), vaccine mandates, virtual learning options, etc.

Which brings me to school. After selling M hard on real school, then I sold her hard on home school. She already “did” 3rd grade last year (as much as me teaching her in my pajamas counts as doing), but this district has an earlier cut off than the city, so she’s in 3rd grade again here. Which is fine by me- her birthday is the same day as the very late nyc cut off (12/31) and I hated that she was the absolute youngest. I used to beg the school to hold her back and they’d say “but why she’s doing so well!” not understanding that I was thinking ahead to the teen years. But anyway, despite her haphazard pj’d professor, she seemed to learn a lot last year so homeschool this year could basically be unschool. She’d traipse around the forest identifying birds and trees with A and her brother, reading for pleasure, and I’d spend an hour here and there reviewing some worksheets with her so she’d be on track when she starts real school after she gets vaccinated. She was into the idea, until she found out she and one of the neighbor kids are in the same class. Now she absolutely wants to go to real school, AND ride the school bus. The school bus part makes me very nervous. While there is now a school mask mandate (but will it be enforced? what are their lunch procedures, what % of teachers are vaccinated, what % of the older kids in the same building as the little kids are vaccinated, did they actually really update their ventilation system?) and a bus mask rule, it’s a long rural route (15 min drive or 45 min bus) and I have no faith that bus windows will be open and all riders will be masked the whole time.

So just tell her she can go to school but has to be driven by a parent, right? Not so simple. I was offered a job at a (somewhat, commuting distance) nearby nonprofit- an easy low stress job in a bastion of liberalism with very very nice smart coworkers, excellent work life balance, a writing job that sounds made for me, like the job description is exactly what I would put together if I were putting together my dream job (except the pay, which is half what I was making at a fancy DC nonprofit, but high for this area, and our housing cost is half so it should be fine if A can get away from little guy long enough to bring in some money too). It’s mostly remote but approx one day a week in the office and some days there will be things I need to attend out in the community (not necessarily our community, they serve the whole region). It won’t always be the same day in the office and the office is an hour away- so on those days A would have no car to get her to and from school, since I’d need to leave before school starts and get home after it’s done. So I guess we need to buy a new car? Aside from this issue we really don’t need a second car now, were planning to get one eventually, but not until A’s business has enough projects to justify the cost.

Despite its many demands/challenges/ stressors, home school is sounding easier to me at this point (especially because she already did this grade), except she WANTS to go to school. Someone talk me out of putting some lipstick and a pantsuit on her and taking her to get vaccinated. I know, I know: the 5-11 dosage is 1/3 of the 12-adult dosage. The doctors I’ve spoken to are split on this hypothetical kamikaze mission. The doctors I’ve spoken to are also split on me and A going to a pharmacy now for booster. It’s been almost 6 months since our 2nd dose. We do not have compromised immune systems. This county has way more doses than demand and I would feel better sending M to school (bus or not) if we had our boosters and she had a first dose- moral and scientific quandaries aside- because there is A LOT of covid here now, a lot of covid everywhere now, and I feel like we are returning to regular life at the time when we should be most hunkered down.

Which brings me to the data. Per capita there are as many known cases here as in nyc, except nyc has a 50% higher vax rate, much more mask usage, better medical system. People are not getting enough tests here, there is a higher positivity rate, and so I think the actual number of cases is much higher than the reported number of cases. It seems like, friends here and in the city and in the suburbs (I just broke up with a friend in the suburbs because she professes to be a good democrat but is hosting a bonafide super spreader event and vacationing in a place with 39% positivity and a collapsed health care system), are thinking of covid as something you catch from strangers- they wear masks in stores- but aren’t careful at all around close friends and family (so many extended family gatherings, so many, cousins and grandparents and half-siblings and aunts and uncles and whoever), when this is a disease that kills via the people you love most, the ones who’d never intentionally hurt you.

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lifeisnebulous · 2 years

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I keep watching news clips about the shooting at Uvalde. I must have cried a dozen times or more since this happened reading stories or seeing videos. One story that broke my heart was a 10 year old little girl who just got awarded for being on the honor and the killer came in and she started dialing 911. The killer said I’m going to kill you and shot her in the face covering her best friend in her blood. I just watched another news clip where the reporter read a text message one of the coaches sent to her family. It was short and simple and just broke me again. It said, “someone is shooting people in the school. I love you”. Just a last desperate plea to let their loved ones know they loved them.

Right before I watched that news clip, I thought to myself what goes through the minds of people who claim to be 2nd amendment people when they see this. Do they watch it? Do they read articles? What do they think and feel? Do they get defensive? Do they get scared? I watched a lot of far right news too but it’s so hard to keep watching it. It is so obvious that the media on the right is being paid to focus attention in other areas. What eats me alive is that comment they make over and over of “during this time of mourning”. It makes me sick to my stomach because it is so insincere. They say it in this mocking tone that makes my skin crawl. It sounds like this bullshit line they spew to actually mock liberals and they do it on the backs of an actually appalling moment. “We should be making this political during this time of mourning” 🤢🤮😡. I try to watch because I am hoping to understand. I want to know what is REALLY going through the heads of the “opposition” but it’s nonsense rhetoric that actually doesn’t speak to what people on the right are thinking or feeling. So part of me wishes I could just have a conversation an understand. I called one of the guys who works for me. His wife is a family therapist. My question to him was literally, “what does your wife think of all of this?” His response was, “we are a second amendment family”. Like what? What in the literal fuck? How is that the immediate response? Obviously if I try and step back and understand, this is coming out of fear like by asking that question in some way he became afraid that I was going to take away his guns so he had to be clear and draw his line in the sand so I understood. I feel like that is the biggest issue. Fear.

Anyways, I am just heart broken by all of this. Watching this kills me. The stories I read or the news clips I see are so heart breaking.

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crawlingtowardchrist · 3 years

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Hello. What advice do you have for a 25 year old woman who is trying to get into religion as a whole? I don’t come from church goers, don’t believe I’ve ever been baptized either and am leaving all pagan connections behind. I have 6 tattoos, all of which I can comfortably hide with clothing, but like I have what could be turned into a half sleeve.

Spirituality has been nothing but emptiness. The more I tried to find a group that would accept me the more alone and empty I felt. I was not one comfortable with practicing magic so that left me as an outcast to most and because I’m conservative the rest all but want me dead (liberal witches are kinda insane). The in fighting is mind boggling at times and no one can agree on holidays or important history that is genuinely important and not some made up junk used by a sex cultist.

I feel so lost at times. I was a sick kid growing up and was so angry with god for making me sick. So I denounced religion and god and decided to be as rebellious as I could.

First of all, I'm glad you decided to pursue religion and reject paganism. I can only really speak on Catholic specific advice, but I'm sure some of these points will apply to other Christian religions. I wasn't sure what you meant by religion as a whole, because there are many different religions out there, but since you mentioned Baptism and God, and since I really do believe Catholicism is the correct religion, I will speak to that.

The first thing to remember is that God loves you very much. He has this incredible love that no other being could match, and He loves each and every one of us so incredibly profoundly. So as you're feeling this pull to learn more about Christianity, I want you to realize that God is pulling you toward His loving arms.

The next thing you need to know is that you do really need to reject everything to do with paganism. Christians do not and cannot serve any other gods, because there is only one God. He has three persons, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, but all three persons are one being. The Bible and our teaching tells us that every pagan god is not actually a god, but a demon masquerading as something more than they actually are. That's awesome that you weren't comfortable practicing magic, because Christians cannot do this either.

I know that your suffering has put you at odds with God in the past, this is the case with many people. I have certainly been angry with God when I was younger and incredibly lonely. One thing I have learned is that God is there with us in every suffering, feeling everything with us and helping us through it. There's a complicated answer for why suffering exists, and I'm not the best at explaining it. I can say that suffering is a part of life and is necessary, because otherwise Jesus would not have had to suffer so much for us. Jesus also did not try to mince words or beat around the bush with this, He told us we would suffer in this life. He didn't lie and say we would have perfect lives full of happiness. Christ doesn't lie, and is all truth. That may be a small comfort when you take a look at your sickness in the past, but it is important to consider and think about.

I can attest that Catholic spirituality is very fulfilling. It helps us understand how and why we are here. When you learn how important you are to the greatest and most powerful being, who created the expansive and massive universe, you really understand that you are important. What other god dies for you, no matter how many terrible things you might do? What other god makes demons tremble in fear at the mere mention of His name, Jesus? I think what makes Catholicism so fulfilling is it forces us to take a look at ourselves and ask why we reject God. He is all loving and desperately wants us to be with Him. So if we don't feel close it's because of some attachment we have to worldly things, or some vice or sin that is actually bringing us down and destroying us. Catholicism is a realization that we are indeed human, and because of that we have flaws, flaws that need to be worked on. The thing is, since we are so flawed, we really can't do it on our own. We need Christ to make us better, and to bring us closer. So we find ourselves figuring out what is keeping us from God, and asking God to help us with those, and also choosing to do better. Catholic spirituality is deeply personal and intimate with God, a constant conversation with someone who deeply loves you, and that is precisely why I find it so fulfilling.

As far as Baptism goes, you need to speak with a priest to go through a program called RCIA. This is a program that teaches converts about Catholicism. I was a cradle Catholic, so I don't really know what this program was like, but there are certainly some people on this site that can tell you more. Baptism is a part of this program. Baptism is also very important, and is considered an initiation into Christianity. Through Baptism you are marked forever as a child of God, which is a beautiful thing.

I wouldn't worry too much about the tattoos, it's not like you can erase them. And tattoos in general are not necessarily wrong, unless they are specifically pagan or a different religion than Christianity. But even if they're just secular tattoos, they're not really a problem. Just remember they were a part of your past, not your present. They can even serve as a reminder of where you came from and where you are now.

Here's some bad news. You will find in fighting in Christianity as well. There's a reason there's thousands of different denominations, Catholicism being one of them. It's a part of our fallen and broken nature, to bicker and fight, to put ourselves above others. Wherever you find a large group of people, you will find this. Any religion you go to will have fights, because every religion will have people in it. I will say that in my own denomination, while there are some fights amongst the different groups of Catholics, we do know we are all Catholic and there is family there. I think any Trad Catholic would stick up for any Novus Ordo Catholic who's attacked and vice versa. We may like to argue, but we love each other.

One last thing I would say is don't be afraid to pray to God right now. You may not be a part of a Church yet, but God still wants to talk to you and you talk to Him. He will bring you comfort and love.

Hopefully this helps! You can certainly ask more questions if you need to know more. I will pray for you that you find your way home to Christ.

#catholic #catholic church #catholicism #catholic strength #roman catholic #catholic blog #christ #christian blog #christian

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theromanticrationalist · 3 years

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For All Mankind's season 2 finale was just incredible. In many ways, I have been really impressed by this show and how they have been able to incorporate space exploration into the intimate threads of human history. The Moon, space, leaving the confines of the Earth's atmosphere, exploring the great beyond - all become catalysts for each of the individual characters - representing each of their own struggles. Because, as I believe, reaching out towards the stars ultimately becomes about reaching within the human soul - looking outward, is looking inward, and vice versa. The two are inexplicably entwined, and this show does a pretty good job at showing this.

More fan girl thoughts below the cut. . .

- Gordo & Tracy Stevens

I feel like this is best exemplified in Gordo and Tracy's story. I don't have time to outline it all at the moment, but the Moon becomes the stage upon which their hearts are made bare. It is so rare to see a redemption story, and a redemption story of a marriage no less, showcased with such power. I will forever be blown away by this story. *lays down* - *cries* - *cries a lot*

- Margo & Sergei

UH ... YES PLEASE.

A forbidden Soviet Era romance??? Yes yes yes yes yes. I need this! THANK YOU FOR ALL MANKIND. The both of them are my absolute favorite! Just. Everything about them. How they are the same and how they are able to communicate almost as if they are reading each other's minds, and the way Sergei looks at her, and the way Margo blushes and can't even look at him in the eyes, and just . . . *incoherent fangirl screeching*

I really feel like Margo knows the door that she opened. I hope the writers don't make her dumb in the next season - just some love struck nerd girl. Margo is naïve and lost in her own world sometimes, but she isn't stupid. I feel like after Sergei's call, she was realizing the full ramifications of what she had done and what this could mean for her and Sergei's complicated relationship. (Not to mention her standing with her own government and country!)

So, you know what I want to see?? I want to see Margo and Sergei play the most expertly played game of espionage ever orchestrated! I want to see them give false information to one another, and they'll personally always get offended by it even though they both know this isn't personal at all - they'll twist and turn words, double - triple! - meanings - are they enemies? Are they friends? Are they lovers? Do they even know? Maybe! Maybe not! How can they hope to be anything more when they are serving countries that are always on the brink of World War III? And yet!!!

And always Sergei will have stars in his eyes when he looks at her, whenever she does something impossibly clever, and Margo will always wear his favorite color and be speechless around him whenever he is trying to be charming.

I LOVE THEM. FOR ALL MANKIND YOU GAVE THIS TO ME NOW DON'T RUIN IT FOR ME

And let me just say that once again Margot is basically just me. OF COURSE she would fall for the enemy! Totally on brand. I get you, girl! I get you so hard!

<holding up my fingers like the Ben Wyatt meme> It's about the "it's complicated..."

- Danielle Poole

QUEEN. MY QUEEN. I knew she would come through and pull off the Soyuz mission with flying colors! And Danielle & Stepan have my heart! I knew Stepan wouldn't be able to resist her in the end, and that he would have his little Soviet heart melted in no time! 🥰🥰🥰 That whole moment of them defying their governments and choosing peace and brotherhood was just so beautiful. (I was pretty much an emotional mess the entire finale...) Then the gut punching realization that many American's didn't even get to see the historical moment live on TV because they were in the Fall Out shelters. Uuuuuugh. This show is SO good at building the emotional drama of this unfolding history. It feels so real! But it also feels very much like it could part of the Star Trek universe. They are exploring similar utopian and humanistic themes, and so I think I am going to make it my headcanon that our alternate history is part of the Prime timeline. It's official. I have declared it.

Speaking of Star Trek, though, I was tearing up when Danielle was quoting Star Trek. OF COURSE she is a Trekkie - OF COURSE. She is perfect without flaw. The most precious angel! I just wish she had more screen time this season, but I loved her story this season regardless!

- Thomas Paine

I never got to properly mourn the passing of Paine! I was pretty upset that he died, and just when he was becoming such an awesome character! (HE LOVED SPACE THE ENTIRE TIME OMG MY HEART.) However, I realized he was like the Agent Coulson of this show. That awesome side character with an unusual and unexpected quirky personality whose death becomes a catalyst for the bigger picture! Ellen is doing an incredible job within his place, though, and I love what it is building for her character (even if her story is SO SAD). At any rate, Thomas Paine shall be missed!

- Molly Cobb

Molly Cobb is BOSS. Her heroic moment on the Moon was such an amazing highlight for this season for me. But I am loving how they have taken her character in an unexpected direction, down a harder and more humbling road. It is heartbreaking, but such a deeply human story. Her taking her plane and trying to escape from the Earth's atmosphere was like the most DRAMATIC AF moment (omg this show), but also, I felt that too. I also loved her and Wayne's struggle through what Molly is having to face. They're marriage is so strong - perfectly challenging one another and carrying one another through life. I love them! This is going to be painful watching what Molly will have to go through, though.

- Karen

I do want to say a few more words about this whole debacle. The fact that the writers completely obliterated the Baldwin family is something I will not forgive them for, and it was very poor choice on their part, most especially how it came about. To me, the Baldwins have always been the anchor point of the show, but now they are all just kind of pathetic, as the trust in their marriage is broken (for no reason) and all so that Karen can go "find herself".

Now, it has always been a part of Karen's character arc that she needs to find her own identity. She gave herself to her family, putting herself last, and that isn't a good thing. Although we should be reminded that a woman serving her family as a wife and mother is NOT shameful, and so there was literally no reason for the writers to deconstruct this when it was actually a beautiful thing. Things aren't black and white. Karen can be both proud as a dutiful wife and mother AND have existential dread over her own identity as person. BOTH realities can be true and exist together! You don't need to destroy the one to have the other! It's called N U A N C E. Something American tv writers utterly lack in their writing now a days.

Regardless of all this, though, and the disturbing, messed up nature of Karen's affair with Danny - I am sick and tired of how often shows and movies depict a woman's exploration of identity through her sexuality. I find it to be really offensive. As if liberating a woman's spirit means turning her into a horny sex fiend. Sexuality is but one dimension of a woman's identity, one dimension amongst a thousand. To reduce her down to this basic and crude physical dimension, as if somehow sleeping around, having affairs, masturbating, etc, unlocks her deeper self, is really insulting to women as human beings. Being an independent, confident woman comes from a deeper place of the mind, heart, and spirit that embodies her entire person as a holistic being. We are more than the sum of our parts! Please, writers, for the love of God, stop making us into rutting animals!

Suggestion: American writers, creators, directors, just go read Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. She'll wipe the floor with your pitiful displays of female independence. I have never seen any modern writer even come close to what Bronte was able to to achieve with her masterpiece. She was able to truly showcase the power, dignity, and grace of a woman's spirit flawlessly - showing how freedom and independence does not mean free to do whatever you want with whomever you want defying all traditions, religion, expectations, and principles - but is a state and quality of mind, that even in the most dire and unbearable of circumstances, your spirit remains immutable. A woman's strength is compassion in the face of adversity, serenity in the face of devastation, and strength in the face of oppression. THAT is true womanhood.

#lots of thoughts #my thoughts #for all mankind #this show has taken me to transcendent heights #but also has plummeted me into the deepest lows of disgust #it's going to be like this the whole time isn't it #margo madison #danielle poole #molly cobb

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reading-writing-revolution · 4 years

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Ron Howard

January 24 at 5:41 AM —

I'm a liberal, but that doesn't mean what a lot of you apparently think it does. Let's break it down, shall we? Because quite frankly, I'm getting a little tired of being told what I believe and what I stand for. Spoiler alert: not every liberal is the same, though the majority of liberals I know think along roughly these same lines:

1. I believe a country should take care of its weakest members. A country cannot call itself civilized when its children, disabled, sick, and elderly are neglected. PERIOD.

2. I believe healthcare is a right, not a privilege. Somehow that's interpreted as "I believe Obamacare is the end-all, be-all." This is not the case. I'm fully aware that the ACA has problems, that a national healthcare system would require everyone to chip in, and that it's impossible to create one that is devoid of flaws, but I have yet to hear an argument against it that makes "let people die because they can't afford healthcare" a better alternative. I believe healthcare should be far cheaper than it is, and that everyone should have access to it. And no, I'm not opposed to paying higher taxes in the name of making that happen.

3. I believe education should be affordable. It doesn't necessarily have to be free (though it works in other countries so I'm mystified as to why it can't work in the US), but at the end of the day, there is no excuse for students graduating college saddled with five- or six-figure debt.

4. I don't believe your money should be taken from you and given to people who don't want to work. I have literally never encountered anyone who believes this. Ever. I just have a massive moral problem with a society where a handful of people can possess the majority of the wealth while there are people literally starving to death, freezing to death, or dying because they can't afford to go to the doctor. Fair wages, lower housing costs, universal healthcare, affordable education, and the wealthy actually paying their share would go a long way toward alleviating this. Somehow believing that makes me a communist.

5. I don't throw around "I'm willing to pay higher taxes" lightly. If I'm suggesting something that involves paying more, well, it's because I'm fine with paying my share as long as it's actually going to something besides lining corporate pockets or bombing other countries while Americans die without healthcare.

6. I believe companies should be required to pay their employees a decent, livable wage. Somehow this is always interpreted as me wanting burger flippers to be able to afford a penthouse apartment and a Mercedes. What it actually means is that no one should have to work three full-time jobs just to keep their head above water. Restaurant servers should not have to rely on tips, multibillion-dollar companies should not have employees on food stamps, workers shouldn't have to work themselves into the ground just to barely make ends meet, and minimum wage should be enough for someone to work 40 hours and live.

7. I am not anti-Christian. I have no desire to stop Christians from being Christians, to close churches, to ban the Bible, to forbid prayer in school, etc. (BTW, prayer in school is NOT illegal; *compulsory* prayer in school is - and should be - illegal). All I ask is that Christians recognize *my* right to live according to *my* beliefs. When I get pissed off that a politician is trying to legislate Scripture into law, I'm not "offended by Christianity" -- I'm offended that you're trying to force me to live by your religion's rules. You know how you get really upset at the thought of Muslims imposing Sharia law on you? That's how I feel about Christians trying to impose biblical law on me. Be a Christian. Do your thing. Just don't force it on me or mine.

8. I don't believe LGBT people should have more rights than you. I just believe they should have the *same* rights as you.

9. I don't believe illegal immigrants should come to America and have the world at their feet, especially since THIS ISN'T WHAT THEY DO (spoiler: undocumented immigrants are ineligible for all those programs they're supposed to be abusing, and if they're "stealing" your job it's because your employer is hiring illegally). I believe there are far more humane ways to handle undocumented immigration than our current practices (i.e., detaining children, splitting up families, ending DACA, etc).

10. I don't believe the government should regulate everything, but since greed is such a driving force in our country, we NEED regulations to prevent cut corners, environmental destruction, tainted food/water, unsafe materials in consumable goods or medical equipment, etc. It's not that I want the government's hands in everything -- I just don't trust people trying to make money to ensure that their products/practices/etc. are actually SAFE. Is the government devoid of shadiness? Of course not. But with those regulations in place, consumers have recourse if they're harmed and companies are liable for medical bills, environmental cleanup, etc. Just kind of seems like common sense when the alternative to government regulation is letting companies bring their bottom line into the equation.

11. I believe our current administration is fascist. Not because I dislike them or because I can’t get over an election, but because I've spent too many years reading and learning about the Third Reich to miss the similarities. Not because any administration I dislike must be Nazis, but because things are actually mirroring authoritarian and fascist regimes of the past.

12. I believe the systemic racism and misogyny in our society is much worse than many people think, and desperately needs to be addressed. Which means those with privilege -- white, straight, male, economic, etc. -- need to start listening, even if you don't like what you're hearing, so we can start dismantling everything that's causing people to be marginalized.

13. I am not interested in coming after your blessed guns, nor is anyone serving in government. What I am interested in is the enforcement of present laws and enacting new, common sense gun regulations. Got another opinion? Put it on your page, not mine.

14. I believe in so-called political correctness. I prefer to think it’s social politeness. If I call you Chuck and you say you prefer to be called Charles I’ll call you Charles. It’s the polite thing to do. Not because everyone is a delicate snowflake, but because as Maya Angelou put it, when we know better, we do better. When someone tells you that a term or phrase is more accurate/less hurtful than the one you're using, you now know better. So why not do better? How does it hurt you to NOT hurt another person?

15. I believe in funding sustainable energy, including offering education to people currently working in coal or oil so they can change jobs. There are too many sustainable options available for us to continue with coal and oil. Sorry, billionaires. Maybe try investing in something else.

16. I believe that women should not be treated as a separate class of human. They should be paid the same as men who do the same work, should have the same rights as men and should be free from abuse. Why on earth shouldn’t they be?

I think that about covers it. Bottom line is that I'm a liberal because I think we should take care of each other. That doesn't mean you should work 80 hours a week so your lazy neighbor can get all your money. It just means I don't believe there is any scenario in which preventable suffering is an acceptable outcome as long as money is saved.

Copy & paste if you want.

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baby-grayson · 4 years

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Sweet Enigma| Part 5

Word Count: 2605

Tags: @wheezeatmedolans @styles-dolan @prettyboydolan @evergreendolan @baby-turtles @dolanstacoma @kombuchagray @not-gbd @graysavant @someonetogray @dolansficsandpics @batgirl009 @voguekristens @letsgoget-high @crossedbone-kat @graysonsdollface

Ethan sat at his kitchen island, shoveling bites of pancake into his mouth. His phone buzzed so hard it nearly jerked off the counter. He swooped an arm down and caught it before it hit the ground. When he stopped to read the messages illuminating his screen, he once again confirmed his status as the smarter twin.

In a room on the other side of the house, a strung out and angry Sherry typed furiously at her laptop. She ignored phone calls and emails from her agent and publicist. Her nostrils flared at her computer screen while her manicure clacked against her keys. She sneered at the notifications coming in, forcing her to face the images of Grayson stalking into their tiny home with another woman.

From the other side of the room, Calvin Maddox leaned against a wall with a cool gaze. His eyes did not move from his emotional daughter while he spoke into his phone, “You hear me Chip? I want that girl’s name. I want her daddy’s name. I want her mama’s name. I want to know what she ate for dinner last night. And don’t you dare call me back until you know everything.” With a stern finger, he hung up the call and crossed his arms. Sherry turned from her position at the computer, her blue eyes were dark with something mad and disturbed. She gritted her teeth and turned back to finish what she was doing.

Wesley’s voice was choked up when Kate picked up the phone. She felt every one of her organs shake. Wesley’s breathing was uneasy, clearly audible over the phone. She closed her eyes and winced: like she was in pain at the dentist.

He didn’t even bother starting with pleasantries. “Katie—” Her heart broke to hear him say it like that, “What’s going on?” “Wes,” she started, “It’s not what you think,” her words got quicker with each second, “It-it looks—it’s not what it—”

“What am I supposed to think?” His voice was loud and sharp on her ears, “I’m—I’m confused Kate.”

“They’re not telling the truth—” “You’re not telling the truth! Kate! You said you were in Philadelphia! You said you were with your mom! And I look at my phone and see you in Jersey with some guy! Some guy that’s practically married! What am I supposed to think Kate? What am I supposed to feel?”

“I didn’t—I didn’t think—” “Didn’t think what?” Wesley choked on his words, “That you would get caught?”

Kate felt a single tear fall down the side of her face. As much as she had never believed Wesley was the one for her, she would have never pictured hurting him like this. His voice sounded like someone was stabbing him in the gut. In a deep place, she knew Wesley deserved better: not someone who would run off to the East Coast under false pretenses and the remnants of an old romance. She felt messy. She felt dirty. She felt problematic. Wesley was the last shred of her old life left. He was the last memory of a happy girl, with a healthy mom, and a doting boyfriend who never worried about Grayson Dolan.

“I’m done Kate. I can’t do this. Not if you’re going to treat me this way. I-I wish it was different, I really do but…. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect me enough to at least tell the truth.”

It pained Wesley to do it, in a deep and emotional place. Seeing those photos of Kate and Grayson forces Wesley to permanently let go of his vision for a future with her. In ten minutes, his entire idea of what his life would look like was erased for a darker picture. He loved her; she lied to him. He wore the stains of the tainted spaces she left in his heart.

And with that, Kate said goodbye to the last shred of her old life. She was, officially, a confused girl, with a sick mom, and no boyfriend but many worries about Grayson Dolan.

Her heart felt tortured: skewered by the events of the past few days. She felt a thousand arrows puncturing her aortas: some of them with Grayson’s name, some of them with Wesley’s, and some with her own because she could not deny that it was her own actions that catalyzed and inflicted her own pain.

And on that day, so many hearts were in pain. Grayson’s heart ached for Kate. He felt existentially disturbed in a deep place. He worried about what his decisions had done to Kate. Half of his mind hated the other half, for worrying more about Kate than he did about Sherry. He paced around his mother’s house, dragging fingers through his hair and playing at the callouses on his palms while he tried to formulate some kind of plan to make everything right.

The ability to do so was stripped from him from the media storm erupted in the winds of Sherry’s announcement.

Displayed as white text on a black background she wrote: “It is with a heavy heart and so much sadness that I am forced to announce the end of my engagement to Grayson Dolan. Grayson gave me so many beautiful moments and wonderful experiences, but I am moving onto a new, independent chapter in my life. Grayson’s decision to pursue a new direction in his life has offered me the opportunity to enjoy life as a liberated woman. Although I am trying to look at this new point in my life with excited eyes, thinking about all of the horizons that are out there for me: I am stricken by the pain, grief, and anguish of being involuntarily compelled to dispose of any fantasies of the life I was going to create with the man whom I thought was my soulmate. In this time, I am eternally grateful for the love and respect of my mother, father, sister, and all of my supporters.”

Grayson dialed the phone before the dust settled in his mind. He was surprised to hear Sherry’s voice on the other end, not her recorded voicemail or her assistant.

“Sherry—” his tone landed somewhere between agitated and massacred. “What was that? What did you—” “I should be asking you the same question,” she was calm and pointed. For all of her selfish, greedy flaws: Sherry Maddox never lost her purposefully, Southern composure. The only time she addressed someone with so much as a hair out of place, was when Grayson intruded on her space when he went to pack his bag: he had unraveled her once and he wasn’t going to do it twice.

“So we’re over? You didn’t even have the decency to tell me you were going to—to—to post that? To send that?” Grayson’s meaty fingers clutched his phone with white knuckled.

“Take it as retribution,” she popped her lips before continuing, “For not having the decency to tell me you were running away.” Her jaw cracked over the phone, “With another woman.”

Grayson sighed, “Sherry,” his tone was lighter. “I—I—” Grayson struggled. He wasn’t going to ask for her back. He didn’t want to ask for her back. He didn’t want to be with her. He didn’t even want to be on the phone with her right now. But he was trying to do the right thing, to honor his past commitments and make right his past mistakes. “—I’m trying to be a good man Sherry.”

She laughed. She laughed not with a happy effervescence but with a cold, chilling, mocking breath. “Good man? Since when does a good man leave his fiancé? Since when does a good man travel to the opposite end of the country in the middle of the night to get away from his fiancé? What kind of good man takes up post with another woman sleeping in his bed while his fiancé is stuck in California—trying to explain to her entire family why he wasn’t at their celebration and decided to embarrass her like that?”

Grayson gulped. She didn’t stop. “Tell me. How much of it was a lie? Because some of it had to be? Did you never love me? Did you used to love me? What was I? Some kind of a publicity stunt? Were you insecure that the D’Amelios and the Pauls were more famous than you? Being a run away groom? This is more press than you’ve had in years? Did you know this from the beginning? Was it all fake? Or did something happen and suddenly I was just a device?” “No-“ his voice sounded more like a cry. “To think I actually wanted your children. You don’t deserve to have children in this world, anyone who can leave a path of hurt like that---you’re damn near a sociopath Dolan. I just can’t believe I let you hoodwink me into not seeing it for so long.” “NO!” He screamed into his phone, “I’m not a sociopath Sherry. I did love you. Once. I used to. But things changed. And I was wrong for—for not talking about it. For letting it boil up in me. For thinking that a happy future was a—a good enough reward for a problematic present—but sometimes it isn’t. and it wasn’t for us—for me.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry Sherry. I’m sorry I hurt you—you didn’t—you don’t deserve this. I’m going to be sorry I hurt you for the rest of my life. But please believe me when I say I never used you, when I say I never lied to you. I’m not a perfect man Sherry—I’m far from it—but nothing from the past year and a half was an act.” “You must really think I’m a dumb blonde huh?” Sherry’s cool tone was completely juxtaposed to the sound of Grayson’s panting yells, “You are right about one thing Dolan, you will be sorry about this for the rest of your life.” Before he could ask, Grayson heard the dial tone as she hung up their call.

Grayson didn’t notice his mother’s figure leaning against the doorway of the kitchen, but he didn’t flinch when she put a loving hand on his shoulder. His entire, large, beefy body was shaking. He sucked in his top lip and let it flop onto his bottom one with a large breath. Lisa clutched him caringly, “It’ll be okay.”

“That’s what Kate said,” Grayson’s face fell into a defeated picture.

“She’s smart,” Lisa took a seat at the kitchen island with Grayson. He looked over to his mother, finding comfort in her familiar gaze.

Grayson nodded softly, “I’m not.”

Lisa moved her hand to hold his forearm, radiating heat onto his skin, “No, you are. You just need to slow down. To think about what you want.” “What I want?” Grayson’s mouth shortened at the edges. Lisa nodded softly, knowingly, “You didn’t want Sherry. Not in that way.” Grayson lifted in his eyebrows in silent agreement. “Courage is grace under pressure,” she recited from memory, “In our hardest moments, we look to our purest truths.”

Grayson bit the inside of his cheek, “Thank you fortune cookie” His tone was low and deprived of any jest.

Lisa scoffed softly and hit him across the arm playfully, “I’m saying when you left Sherry, you weren’t just leaving her—you were looking for something. Something that is currently upstairs, laying in a ball because her boyfriend just broke up with her.” “Broke up with her?” Grayson had been too preoccupied with his own storm to check in with Kate for the past few hours. Lisa nodded, “It was bad but she’ll make it. The strong ones always do.”

“Am I strong one mom?” Grayson’s voice sounded small leaving his lips, nearly childlike.

Lisa released a breath though her nose and met her son’s eyes, “You are. Stronger than you think. But the only way to prove it to yourself is to get your life in order. And the only purpose who can do that, who can prove that, is you Grayson.”

Grayson Dolan never liked running. He felt like a hamster on a wheel. If he wanted to enjoy nature and feel at one with his surroundings, he would go for a merry walk or a bouncy hike. If he wanted to work out, to drench himself in sweat and manifest his troubles into physical struggle: he had a myriad of options to tone his body.

On that day, Grayson Dolan took off running and did not look back. The dozens of confusing, conglomerated, and strange emotions he had been feeling propelled one foot to push off and fly while the other met the ground. He felt his mind slow down for the first time in too long while he body quickened. The New Jersey breeze blew through his hair while leaped over a stump and kept going. If it wasn’t for the occasional pebble in his shoe, Grayson would have felt like a bird: soaring in the air without a precise destination. He glided through the air until he figured out what he wanted to run toward. Once he had a goal in mind, he turned around and hustled his way back home.

Kate stood under the shower head, letting a pressurized stream dance over her skin. She lifted her head up, taking in deep breaths as the water washed over her body. She felt her muscles relax for the first time in months. She let her mind go blank, refusing to let negative thoughts ruin this moment for her. She hooked her hands around her neck, rubbing soft circles and feeling a serene calm sound over her entire body.

The shower had started to steam up, the air was thick was a humid fog. The only audible sound was the whistle of the hot shower head.

Kate didn’t hear the door close. She didn’t hear the soft sound of clothes falling onto the bathmat. She didn’t even hear the shower curtain move from within her zen state. Her muscles tenses and then relaxed with the knowledge that the hands wrapped around her waist were Grayson’s.

He placed a kiss on the side of her neck. She stretched it out, allowing more room for his lips. His gentle fingertips drove deeper into her wet skin. She pursed her lips while she exhaled, nearly moaning as she melted under his lips.

One of his hands draped down and grabbed onto her thigh, pulling her closer to him at the waist. She bit her lip and smirked, silently wishing he could see her expression while she felt him press hard against her ass.

She turned slightly and went to meet his lips.

Grayson pulled back. His eyes darted around the scene and his hands went lip from where they laid around her. Grayson swallowed and took a step back, nearly fell over in the shower.

He suddenly realized what he was doing. Sure, he was now a free man but Kate wasn’t his woman. He couldn’t just barge into her shower, hold her naked body, slam her against a wall, and do dirty things to her all night.

Hell, the last he kissed her was nearly three years ago.

Kate seemed to sense his inner turmoil. She stepped toward him and licked her lips, wearing something dark in her eyes.

She clasped a hand around his jaw and his lips and pulled his face toward her, “Finish what you started.”

#grayson dolan #dolan twins #fanfic #smut #angst #series #ethan #ethan dolan #grayson x oc #kind stranger #sweet engima #story #blurb #concept #chapter #writing #youtuber #internet #romance #drama

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #455

“but you didn’t have to cut me off / make it like it never happened and that we were nothing”

Are you and the last person you kissed in a relationship or just friends? We're besties! :') Has anyone ever pointed out that your laugh was unusual? No. Would you get a lip piercing? I already have a vertical labret. I've considered getting spiked snakebites (they might be called devil bites?) too, though. With a vertical labret, it looks sick as FUCK. It might be a bit much too close together for me, though, idk. Nose piercing? I want my right nostril re-pierced. What are you currently waiting for? Girt to message me back. I've decided what I want out of our relationship and just want to see him. Do you have feelings for anyone? Hit me pretty hard through a lot of examination of my feelings that yeah, I do. Have you ever run over an animal? Oh my god no, I would be DESTROYED. Have you chewed gum after someone else already has? bro what the fuck When people sneeze do you say ‘bless you’? I do only out of expectation. I don't want someone to think I'm an ass or something for not saying it. When was the last time you were on a bouncy castle? A few years ago for my niece's birthday. She was scared of how loud it was and was very reluctant to get near it, so my fat ass got in there with everyone else to show her it was fine lol. I can't remember if she eventually got in. She loves them now, though. :') Have you ever went on a bouncy castle whilst drunk? No, but thanks for the idea, ha ha. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. What is one thing you will never do? Try hardcore drugs. What is one food that you detest? Asparagus. Did you have a rebellious phase growing up? Not really. What religion were you brought up with? Roman Catholic. Are you still that religion? GOD NO. Do you often find yourself questioning your future? That's my full-time job. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 124. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? The same I listen to now. What pet names do you use with your significant other? I'm single rn, but usually, I go for "sweetie/sweetheart," "hunny," "love," "dear," stuff like that. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart. Have you ever seen a theatre show? Yes. What’s your favourite vegetable? Broccoli. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. I was SO fuckin upset because it was on Sara's birthday and planned in secret, and I was supposed to wake her up. It still wound up being a big surprise to her when she walked into her room and I was chillin' at her desk, ha ha, but I still wish it coulda gone as originally planned. Do your neighbours have any pets? Have you ever met them? Yes; they have a yappy-ass dog that doesn't shut up. I haven't met them. What color is your bedroom door? White. If you were ever to become famous, would you grow annoyed at fans? This may sound very ungrateful, but I have heard A LOT of celebrities say it: it would get old, being stopped constantly in public for signatures, pictures, etc. Like yes, I still WOULD be grateful, but I'd miss just being off the radar and able to go outside carrying out chores and stuff like a normal person. Have you ever met your favourite band/singer? No. :( Are you embarrassed by any of the songs/singers/bands you like? Nah, not nowadays. Have you ever written a story? Yes, a kinda short one when I was little. Think of the last poem you wrote: What inspired you to write it? The breakup with Jason and the fact we're just strangers again. It was really short, but I like it a lot, honestly. Do you have a chance with the person you like right now? I think so. What’s the weirdest thing you were scared of as a child? A skeleton in my closet, lol. Literally. Are there any embarrassing stories your family tells about you? alkdsjflakjwle yes In your opinion, what is the funniest TV show? That '70s Show. 3rd Rock From the Sun is high up there, too. What is the maximum number of children you’d ever have? HYPOTHETICALLY, two, but I'm pretty damn serious about having none. I just always feel kinda bad for children without a sibling, but three would make me pull my hair out. Have you ever been concerned you had a serious illness? Yes. I overreact to even minor symptoms to ANYTHING. Are you comfortable with who you are? No. Pretty much everything about myself embarrasses me, even if it shouldn't. Would you date someone even if you knew you’d get made fun of for it? Yes? Others' opinions don't affect how I feel about someone. Does popularity matter to you at all? No, outside of trying to be a successful photographer. Would you ever consider homeschooling your children? If they really wanted that and it would benefit them, yes. Who told you about the band/singer you are currently listening to? I discovered them myself. Do you ever read fanfiction? Nah. Would you rather die in a plane crash, ship wreck or fire? Jesus. A plane crash, I guess, because in a lot of cases, it would be an immediate death. What are your top five favourite TV shows? Meerkat Manor, Fullmetal Alchemist (and Brotherhood; shut up, they go together), That '70s Show, Ginga Densetsu Weed, and Deadman Wonderland. What is your favorite superhero movie? Logan. If you died next week, what would be the cause of death? Uhhhh idk... I guess maybe a heart attack? Judging by doctor appointments, my heart is just fine, but the fact still remains that I'm technically obese, so that's always a risk. Have you ever taken a break from Facebook or other social media? Why? Facebook, yes. It was just depressing me. I was playing the comparison game REAL hard. Who is the most talented person you know? I dunno. I know many people talented in a lot of areas. Are you currently platonic friends with anyone you’ve had sex with? No. Where did you and your current interest go on your first date? Bowling. Have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? What happened? Jason and Juan pursued me at the same time. They'd known each other in the past, and Juan hated him for "winning" his ex-girlfriend. Then when Jason and I got together, Juan wasn't the happiest for sure. Have your parents ever thought you were gay? What happened? Before I actually came out as bisexual, I don't think so? Are your parents more liberal or conservative? Conservative. Mom is more open, but still conservative. I think. What year are you going into at the beginning of the next academic year? I'm not in school. How far away does your closest family member live? I live with Mom. If you’ve seen both, did you prefer the Disney version or the Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland? I actually strongly prefer Tim Burton's. Would you have sex before marriage? Why or why not? Yeah. I just want to be in a long-term, serious, healthy relationship to reach that point and be as safe as possible about it. Are you more liberal or conservative? Liberal, but I do have some conservative beliefs, too. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I don't have one, given I never got into that franchise. What’s the worst that could come out of letting gays marry? Not a goddamn thing. What’s the most sexual thing you’ve done? Done "the thing." Name something that you are against. I'll go with an unconventional one that's a problem as of the late: making owning reptiles illegal. Why are you against it? Because reptiles are perfectly capable of being brilliant pets and, most importantly, can tame people's fears of them. I think that it's very important to see the worth and beauty in all animals, and reptiles are one of the most unappreciated families out there. :/ Have you ever played the Tomb Raider games? I played some of either the first or second one. I could never beat it. Old games are hard, man. Do you like it or hate it when your partner is clingy? I absolutely believe that it can get to an extreme that I don't like, but for the most part, I don't mind a clingy partner because hey, I am too. Beatles or Rolling Stones? Stonessss. When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody? It'd been on my mind for a while, but I *officially* realized that I really do like-like Girt a couple days ago. And since then it's gotten a bit hardcore and all I wanna do is talk to him bc fuck me and how attached to people I get. What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why? Every single time I go to the gym, I feel proud of myself because it REALLY takes a lot out of me. Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? Nope. I'm willing to be a shoulder to cry on for like... anyone. If you're hurting, talk to someone. I'll be there as an easy option. What was the last thing to fascinate you? It was... INCREDIBLY disturbing and almost nauseating even for me, but I saw a video of a dead whale explode. It was GRUESOME. Guts just kept coming and coming and coming and :x Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you? Hmmm... I'm sure there is, but what, it's not coming to me. Sudden, loud noises are an obvious answer. Do you have a favourite microorganism? ... No, I can't say I do. Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next? Girt's, actually. It's in October. If you have pet fish do you bother to name them? I did when I actually had them as a kid. Do you keep your eggs in the fridge? Ye. Have you ever owned chickens? No, but that'd be cool. Fresh eggs from a properly cared for chicken taste SO much better. When did you last listen to music? Currently. NOW I'm obsessed with Melodicka Bros & Violet Orlandi's cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." It's done in a gothic metal style and is amaaaazing.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''somebody that i used to know'' by gotye

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comradekatara · 4 years

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any more hcs on sokka and azula’s “rivalry”?

sokka has been the competition since day one. he’s the only person in this godforsaken den of idiots who can remotely keep up with her trenchant mind. she despises him, naturally.

every week, zuko hears her rehearse debate strategies on the way to school, and he feels that trademark mix of irritation and concern he feels for her whenever she is doing something particularly on-brand. “i’m going to crush sokka today,” she announces to him proudly. “i’m going to destroy him.” zuko sighs, rolls his eyes, and proclaims, “for the last time, azula, i don’t know who that is!”

sokka is confused as to why a freshman he doesn’t know approaches him in the halls today to say “i see someone doesn’t seem to care about their so-called perfect attendance record.” and sokka’s really tired so he’s just like, “i was at my girlfriend’s funeral. is that okay with you, random child?? is that allowed???” azula just narrows her eyes and says, “hm. lucky save.” this actually gets sokka to laugh for the first time all week.

sometimes sokka will complain to katara about the young republican in his debate class. oftentimes katara will complain to sokka about the girl on the team who’s always taunting her for no goddamn reason. they get way more excited than they should the day that they realize that they are talking about the same person. sokka suddenly forgives katara for all those times he had to pick her up from detention for getting into fistfights during practice, because yeah, he’s heard her stance on affirmative action, so perhaps she simply got what she deserved :)

the first time azula sees zuko talking to sokka in the halls, she is shaken to her core. she knew he was ruthless, a master tactician, but what kind of cruel gambit is this??? she demands that zuko tell her everything they were talking about. zuko’s like “you know that cardigans album ‘first band on the moon’???” and azula, who would never wear nor listen to a cardigan, is just like “what kinda 5D chess is he playing..........”

azula is desperate to know what sokka got on his SATs. he won’t tell her, because why the fuck would he. it keeps her up at night. eventually he gets sick of her incessant texting, so he blocks her number. she hacks into zuko’s phone and writes, “’Sup, bro? Did you get your SAT results back too? How’d you do?” and sokka just responds, “hi zuko! what a normal question!” and then lets zuko know the next day at school that azula stole his phone.

sokka actually raises his voice one time in debate. it is during a resolution that “colonialism has its benefits, actually.” he manages to stay level while explaining his position, but some kid in the back nods thoughtfully while azula is spouting nonsense, and sokka just points a finger at him and yells, “I SEE YOU NODDING, WHITE BOY.” katara oh so desperately wishes she had been there to witness that glorious moment, but since she’s not a nerd, she doesn’t do debate.

one lovely summer’s day, azula follows zuko all the way from home, waits a reasonable amount of time, and then just walks past them, lowers her sunglasses and goes, oh so casually, “zuzu? zuzu’s friend? can it really be you? why, whatever are you doing in the park?” zuko just responds flatly, “i thought you said that ‘parks are for vagrants and the poor.’” and azula’s like, “nonsense! i’m meeting mai and ty lee here right now.” sokka says, “but suki just sent me a picture of her with ty lee three minutes ago.” and zuko says, “and mai is babysitting tom tom because their au pair came down with tb.” azula mumbles that actually, she’s talking about someone else, and also what the fuck, do people even still get tb??? and zuko just frowns and says, “but azula, you don’t have any other friends.” she laughs and says, “shows what you know,” and saunters off, a confident stride in her step all the way home. at which point she locks herself in her room and screams into a pillow. meanwhile, at the park, sokka is like, “do people still get tb???” and zuko just shrugs and says, “i don’t know; i just felt like calling her bluff.”

azula thinks it is most outrageous that sokka is valedictorian considering that he has countless absences from his freshman and sophomore years. ty lee just blinks and tilts her head. “azula, how do you even know that?” she asks, at which point azula casually admits that she has copies of his entire record and all his grades. ty lee is very scared, but wisely does not inform sokka. better to let him live in blissful ignorance, she thinks.

her senior year is very dull without sokka. ty lee suggests that she find another hobby to replace it. azula’s just like “what are you implying????” but they both know ty lee chooses her words very deliberately. azula takes up archery.

she calls zuko once all year, and it is to inform him that she is going to harvard. he wishes her the best of luck, and then promptly hangs up. at harvard, which is in boston, perhaps you’ve heard of it, she does the engineering and the pre-law track, because if zuko’s going to be every immigrant parents’ worst nightmare by majoring in some humanities bullshit, she may as well make her father twice as proud. (lowkey she is kind of ashamed that she’s not pre-med, but she knows she’d make a better lawyer than doctor.) she refuses to admit that the workload is too much for her until people she doesn’t even know start coming up to her to ask her if she’s okay.

in her senior year at harvard, she has a ...bit of a mental breakdown. finals are approaching, and the pressure has finally gotten too much for her, and she just cracks. she takes some really shitty scissors, like, those kids’ scissors with the zagged edges, and gives herself “bangs.” she cries in the shower until the water gets so cold she screams. she eats nothing but cheetos for three whole days and she doesn’t even bother to wash her hands. she drunk dials zuko to be like “oh i am doing so good you don’t even KNOW.” zuko plays the six voicemails she left him at 3am back to sokka, who’s like “i think we have to go to boston???”

because azula is very sensitive right now, zuko pretends that he’s there to ask her for money. he takes her to lunch, which she wears sweatpants to, and sokka just happens to run into them. azula’s like “what the fuck are you doing here???” and he’s like “oh....you know......just visiting my cousin......” to which azula’s like “you have a white cousin?” but then zuko invites him to have lunch with them, and azula brags about how great she’s been doing in college and how she’s top of her class and is gonna go to harvard for law school as well, and sokka’s like “that’s so great! i had no doubt you could do it.” and then she openly sobs in the middle of a restaurant and zuko can feel all the other patrons of this boston establishment glare at them and he’s just like “azula do you mind not being so loud?? we are begging to be hatecrimed” and tries to apologize to everyone on her behalf. after she stops crying, she’s like “well, i must be off to cambridge now! don’t know why we went all the way into boston, since i have a lecture in an hour” and sokka’s like “ok cool bye” but then zuko kicks him and he says, very naturally, “you know, i’ve always wanted to know what the harvard campus is like.” (he doesn’t mention that he saw the harvard campus when he toured MIT.) azula’s just like “of course you would.”

they end up staying with azula until they can persuade her to see a therapist, which takes a really long time because azula believes that therapists are a scam for weak-willed white liberals who love to complain, but sokka manages to organically bring up how he was in therapy intensively for a really long time after yue’s death, and this finally manages to convince her. it takes her a really long time to adjust to therapy because she sees it like a game she refuses to lose, but having completed their mission, sokka and zuko are confident that she’s sprung back enough that at least they don’t have to keep staying in this really creepy motel in boston that zuko is convinced is haunted. she ends up having to repeat the semester, and then takes another semester off, but she goes to harvard law after that.

she makes partner in record speeds. women hate her, and men fear her. her makeup never smudges, her outfits are always impeccable. she never loses a case. then her father dies. she sees zuko at the funeral, and though she stays completely calm throughout the day, she’s a mess on the way home. zuko hates driving, but he drives her home because she had half a bottle of vodka and it’s evident that she is softly crying because her eyeliner teartracks are running over themselves, black smudges spilling down her face. he sleeps on her couch. he’s still there the next morning, and he’s gotten her fresh pastries for breakfast, which she must admit, is a lot tastier than black coffee and a protein bar. he insists that she take another day off work, and she’s like “um they already let me have one day off for the funeral??? i can’t just miss my job willy-nilly, zuzu. it’s my job.” he is so concerned for her. so he reaches out more after that. eventually, she reaches back.

after a lot of coaxing from zuko, sokka unblocks her phone number and texts her, “hey, how’ve you been?” she agonizes over this text for two days, at which point she responds, “Fine.” he writes, “i’m gonna be home for the holidays. if you’re around we should hang out!” and azula, who had no such plans of going anywhere for the holidays, especially not back home, where she has no family left, anyway, is like “Yeah okay.”

seeing sokka for the first time in years, and katara, who she hasn’t seen for even longer, is really jarring for azula. katara’s in a happy relationship. sokka has a fulfilling career. she always told herself she’d get a girlfriend after she got on the supreme court, but that suddenly seems awfully far away as she watches katara’s boyfriend dote on her. aang, this guy who was a few grades below her and insanely popular, throws a new year’s eve party, and invites a whole bunch of people from their highschool because apparently, he was not only friends with everyone, but regularly keeps in touch with all of them. horrid. absolutely horrid. azula goes, out of sheer curiosity. she sees toph, who is having the time of her life at this party that is neither a black tie fundraiser nor a dinner party, and as casually as possible asks her where sokka is, since of course she still remembers that sokka and toph were best friends in high school (though is in fact unaware that they still are). tophs just like “oh, you know how zuko hates parties, so he and sokka just stayed home.” azula gets lightheaded despite having not yet had a drop of alcohol. what exactly did toph say??? toph, yelling this time so that azula may hear her better, yells, “HE AND ZUKO STAYED HOME.” azula’s just like “what the fuck?!??!??!”

#sokka and azula's petty highschool rivalry the saga #azula #sokka #zuko #azula&sokka #azula&zuko #sokkaxzuko #asks #anon #modern au

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

Note

Scott “I am an alpha! You have no idea what I can do!” McCall is not a victim of his peers and he doesn’t have a low self-esteem, lol. In fact, Scott actively mocks, uses, violates, and dehumanizes others and assaults his peers out of jealousy in the actual show. Stop trying to paint Scott as some sort of poor mistreated wooby who’s too good and kind for his evil ungrateful friends please

Hey thanks for the spite-writing session, y’know, that thing I told you last time was literally the only thing I had to say to you about anything ever.....the way you just....inspire me to write TW fic about what I like and not cater to your obsessive need to fight over your staggeringly dishonest takes, because lololol you really just do not matter?

Anyway, so here’s what I just wrote for the next chapter of my fic WWTA, that I’ve been struggling to get back into, so thanks for the motivation! I think this chapter has like, three more scenes in it, in case you’ve got any more pointless annoying messages you want to send me, to like, help me out with the energy to write those too!

*****

Chapter Five

Freshmen were kind of adorable, Allison decided a week into the mentoring program. At least that was something.

The way Liam lit up as she and her friends made their way to the freshmen down the hall was particularly endearing. She had to keep her glare from surfacing and pinning Brett against the lockers he leaned against, right beside Liam, Mason, Garrett and Violet. What had begun as a way to repay the debt she felt to Scott while still doing her duty had quickly graduated to true protective instincts for the young teenagers. A slight shudder ran through her body as she remembered the gashes across Scott’s chest and the defeat in his eyes -

- none of us wanted this, but it happened and we’re stuck now -

No. That would not be happening to Liam and his friends. Not on her watch.

“Hello children. And how is everyone this morning?”

Lydia made even her casual greetings a regal proclamation. It was with no small amount of amusement that Allison watched the freshmen war between their instinctive reaction to being labeled ‘children’ and their awe at being on first names basis with the undisputed queen of Beacon Hills High. This was all wildly against the natural order of things. Her eyes drifted in Brett’s direction to find his narrowed at her, and her good humor evaporated. Ugh. Why couldn’t she ever have nice things?

“Everyone’s coming to my place after school, right? Your first archery lessons!” Allison cut in before any of the freshmen could muster a response to Lydia. Brett flinched, and a dangerous grin worked its way across her lips. She might not be the only predator interested in these kids, but she could damn well make sure her competition knew she was bringing claws of her own to the fight.

“For sure!” Liam enthused. “I still can’t believe you know how to shoot a bow and arrow. And your parents are really cool with you teaching us?”

“Oh yeah, no big deal,” Allison shrugged. In truth, it hadn’t been. Even if her father might have had slight reservations, Grandpa Gerard had practically salivated at the notion of her starting a How To Kill Werewolves 101 course for local teens. He was already planning how to use this to start recruiting new hunters from Allison’s handpicked group. She wasn’t about to let things get that far, but Brett didn’t need to know that. Let him worry.

“I still don’t think Allison’s parents are the only ones who should have been informed of this little extracurricular,” Danny said. “Isn’t this the kind of thing that should require signed consent forms from everyone’s parents?”

“Oh, live a little Danny,” Allison said. “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”

“No, but the sharp pointy sticks might hurt their kids, and then there are these things called lawsuits…”

“Don’t be such a Danny Downer,” Stiles said. He clapped their friend on the back, but his eyes were on her. “I’m sure Allison knows exactly what she’s doing.”

She smirked back.

“I can’t make it,” Brett spoke up at last, sparking cries of complaint from his ‘friends.’

“What the hell man, I thought we were all gonna do this?”

As much as Allison hated to admit it, she wasn’t sure she did know what she was doing though. She had her work cut out for her in trying to drive a wedge between Liam and Brett. The younger boy had latched onto the sophomore as a confidant before they’d gotten their mentoring program up and running, and Brett’s claws were already in deep. Liam idolized the kid, and it didn’t help that whatever she might know about the pack’s true nature, to everyone else they were simply the cool, mysterious bad-asses that everyone secretly wanted to know more about.

“Got stuff to deal with at home,” was all the taller boy said, deliberately vague. She considered that. Was he just trying to get out of going to a hunter’s house - not that she’d ever expected he’d show, really - or was that code for the pack would be up to something later?

“Family stuff?” Allison asked casually.

“More like chores at the group home I live at. My family’s dead,” Brett retorted. She wondered if anyone else picked up on the bitter menace underscoring his calm tone.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“How could you? It’s not like peoples’ families being murdered by burning their houses down around them is an everyday thing. Who would ever think that was a thing that happened as often as it does?”

“Jesus,” Mason whispered in horror. The other freshmen looked as sick as she felt suddenly, and she felt her own friends shuffle uncomfortably behind her. That hadn’t come up in her research at all, but she didn’t doubt for a second that the werewolf was being truthful. The naked pain in his eyes was entirely too human for that.

“I didn’t know,” Allison repeated again. It wasn’t an excuse, it was just all she had. He snorted.

“Whatever. I’ve gotta go. Be careful with them, yeah?”

She bit her lip and nodded, wondering how much he really knew about what she was doing. Had Scott clued in any of his pack about her plans? He’d seemed protective of Brett, and the younger boy seemed to be one of the ones who followed his lead over Cora’s, but who knew how pack politics really worked…god, could she just have five complete moments to feel on top of things and not totally in over her head?

“Damn,” Violet said once Brett had disappeared around a corner in the hall. “I mean, I knew he was an orphan too, but I didn’t know he had…shit.”

“Well, he probably doesn’t advertise because he doesn’t want people gossiping about it,” Allison said. Jackson and Danny nodded in agreement, the freshmen looking thoughtful, but Lydia and Stiles were both just watching her, the same as they’d been through she and Brett’s entire little tété-a-tété. Feeling an abrupt need to be elsewhere, she chose the better part of valor and fled. “Look, I gotta get going too, but you all have directions, right? See you after school!”

Weak, Allison.

She circled the school, doing a lap across the quad and around the outer edges of the buildings to calm herself. Almost predictably at this point, her efforts were thwarted by the appearance of one Scott McCall sitting cross-legged on the grass behind the Liberal Arts building.

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