#actuallyszpd

[freminnet]

SZPD flag (color meanings and full size flag under the cut)

Light Yellow: Masking

I used yellow for it because yellow stands for friendliness, and is also one of the brightest colors, and then I dulled it. Which signifies that people that mask use a personality that usually includes being more interactive and more interested in others. (please note that not everyone masks/can mask but there is no flag that has it included yet)

Darker Yellow: Generally not interested in platonic or romantic relationships.

Yellow again for friendship, but dulled because friendship seems dull.

Light Grey-Blue: Detachment

For feeling like you're just going through the motions of life, dissociation, etc.

Dark Blue: Elaborate and excessive internal fantasy world, daydreaming, and introspection.

Blue is a color associated with imagination and depth.

Black: Apathy

Please note that this flag may not resonate with everyone with szpd! It is mainly based on my experience with it.

#szpd #schizoid personality disorder #szpd flag #schizoid personality disorder flag #cluster a #cluster a personality disorders #szpd safe #actuallyszpd #personality disorder #the flag turned out to have albedo colors so i put him in but honestly he is very szpd coded to me as well so thats okay

[dividedego]

The Schizoid Reality Wall; or, Welcome to the Void

This is a concept I first saw explained by SchizoidAngst on youtube (pretty relatable content in case yall tumblr zoids havent discovered him yet) but I've wanted to write this down in my own words, the way I conceptualize it, so I did that. Maybe theres something useful here for someone else, so I'm sharing.

Obligatory I'm not a psychologist, yada yada

As the “true” self in schizoids becomes separate from the rest of the psyche, (in some cases masked with a false persona as a form of compromise with the external world, ie. “secret” schizoids), it is turned away from the concrete physical world and towards the abstract. This more or less means it’s actually possible for schizoids to feel deeply intimate connections comfortably, if these connections are formed on higher levels of abstraction – ie. abstraction itself becomes a vehicle for connection. This also leads to what Akhtar has named ‘idiosyncratic thinking’, or odd thinking.

Example of concrete vs. abstract: I tell Bob a personal opinion about something, and Bob has a bad reaction to it, tells me I’m a disgusting person, and refuses to talk to me further. A neurotypical person would be upset about the immediate interpersonal reality of that situation – ‘oh no, Bob thinks I’m a disgusting person.’ Schizoids, if they get upset at all, instead tend to get upset because the situation reminded them of an abstract phenomenon which they have a hard time dealing with – ‘oh no, some people take opinions seriously to the point that they are willing to cut others out of their life instead of coming to some sort of mutual understanding or compromise, which gets in the way of problem-solving or beneficial discourse, something that should be everybody’s primary concern.’ Out there? Yeah, but that's kind of the point.

Neurotypical signals of affection lose meaning and feel empty because they can’t connect to the repressed/abstract self. If a consistent demand is put on the schizoid to meet what they see as superficial expressions of affection, they can get feelings of being forced to play a role which is psychologically demanding to keep up with yet yields next to no emotional rewards and satisfies none of their actual needs.

Adding to this, when schizoids then attempt to communicate their own needs or to express abstract, existential feelings, they’re more often than not met with misunderstanding, ridicule, neglect, and dismissal. The schizoid’s thinking is treated as being too abstract to have any real bearing on reality, whereas to the schizoid themself sees it as integral to reality. This happens with family, friends, coworkers, partners, as well as medical professionals/psychologists – it is a near universal phenomenon.

This culminates in the schizoid reality wall – the core difficulty in actually connecting to other people.

Essentially, the feeling for schizoids is that they often try to meet others on the terms of those others, ie. through concrete and grounded conversations, but that nobody does or even tries to do the same for them. This leads to feelings of futility, hopelessness, animosity, and a stronger need and desire to self-isolate.

You’re reminded of that barrier [all the time]. You’re reminded of the reality of your situation, which is: They can’t hear me. And I can’t hear them. And I’m trying to hear them, and I’m trying to listen – but no one is trying to listen to me. So why should I keep trying? What purpose does it serve? [...] It's not magical thinking that's occuring here, it's well-thought-out thinking that is being placed against a backdrop of a world that is telling you, 'No. No, that thinking is not the right thinking.'

- from this

Which is where we reach the Void.

#kinda curious if other tumblr zoids have thoughts on this #does it strike a nerve does it not #lemme know. cause i felt a whole ass entire actual emotion seeing angsts vid lol #he gets it and thats rare #szpd #actuallyszpd #mine

[system-of-a-feather]

I'm getting roasted so hard

I calculated our system's overall PID score that Ray filled out with help from my fiance

And our highest score was a 2.87/3 for restricted affect and Im like "Okay but is it REALLY that restricted, like I have a lower score for gradiousity and we are really bad with that"

And its cued a 15 minute roast session of how low affect and few shits we give

And I swear to god I feel like I have a normal range of emotion but XD

Like this ALIGNS to hell with our therapist thinking SzPD is probably the most prominent for us but like.... XD

What the fuck since when what were just normal what XD

#alter: riku #shitpost #szpd #actuallyszpd #actually szpd #pid5 #pid 5

[schizoweasel]

szpd pride flag idea

i'm not a huge fan of the current one, and i don't think the meanings of the colors are listed anywhere (please correct me if i'm wrong there)

so i came up with my own.

color meanings:

red represents the self- desaturated due to our lack of emotions and generally our complex relationship with our identity due to having szpd

black represents isolation

dark grey represents disinterest / apathy

light grey represents our perception of the world

endo systems and their supporters are not allowed to use this. i believe the current flag was made by an endo supporter so feel free to continue using that one.

thanks

#actuallyszpd #szpd #schizoid personality disorder

[soupcraig]

oh wow the szpd tag on here is rancid

its all "im such a #edgy emotionless husk" or straight up not. talking about szpd experiences. why is this all bpd shit

nobodys talking about the chronic boredom. or the indifference to everything and anything.

i just wanted to see some resources or something and its all attention seeking bullshit

i think most of the people in the actuallyszpd tag are probably bpd, aspd or avpd. obviously no shade to those pds and people make mistakes all the time but i feel like any actual schizoids are drowned out here

i mean. we're not really chatty people by nature either but whatever

[wolveshowlingatnight]

I don’t seek out romantic relationships and they feel boring and stressful to me. I don’t think I’m 100% aromantic since I can still feel romantic attraction, I just lack that drive to act on it and prefer to create the relationship as a fantasy instead, rather than acting it out in real life. And that’s fulfilling for me.

So I have been having trouble figuring out a label for my romantic orientation. And I decided on lithromantic.

I wonder how common this romantic orientation is in schizoids. Anyone else relate?

#schizoid #szpd #schizoid personality disorder #actually schizoid #actuallyschizoid #actually szpd #actuallyszpd #lithromantic #akoiromantic

[senkrechter]

i don’t know how to really do this, but i want to find some active blogs to follow who post about: -szpd/npd/bpd or other PDs -MADD/anxiety/depression/adhd

if you post related to this stuff or similar like or reblog this and I’ll follow you :)

#actuallyschizoid #actuallybpd #actuallyszpd #actuallyadhd #szpd #adhd #schizoid personality disorder #aspd #actuallyaspd #bpd #cluster a #cluster b #actuallynpd #npd #maladaptive daydreaming #madd #i dont know a lot about tags

[bazyliuszpd]

is this a common szpd thing to just not know if u want to do something or go somewhere like i can never answer questions about near future plans like my parents will ask me if i want to go with them on vacation somewhere and it's just empty in my head and like it doesn't even have to be anything big but i can never decide on anything

#szpd #actuallyszpd #roro.txt

[alone-aloneiswhatihave]

Sometimes I feel so empty, it's like having no soul. My mind doesn't stop but nothing else feels real. I don't feel anything for anyone. There's just a void where my soul should be.

#schizoid personality disorder #schizoid #actuallyschizoid #actuallyszpd #actually szpd

[nya-crow-lepsy]

anyone else out there who’s both schizoid and borderline?

i think i developed the schizoid “fuck feelings and also connecting to people” stuff as a maladaptive coping mechanism for how intensely i feel all my emotions along with the *other* maladaptive hyperempathic stuff 

and there’s just like absolutely zero information on how to like. learn to tolerate your emotions once you’ve suppressed them to the point of not feeling or being able to make a proper connection anymore. :x or support for ppl who are both “emotionless” and “hyperemotional” ? 

#actuallyborderline #actuallyschizoid #actuallybpd #actuallyszpd #szpd

[rottingbrvin]

having to fake emotions in order to make other people feel comfortable is fucking exhausting im so tired i just want to be alone

#actuallyszpd #vent post

[homocarnage]

someone shows me something i dont think is funny and they get annoyed when i dont laugh but they also get annoyed when i fake laugh. what do u want me to do =| /nbh

#DONT RB #they also keep getting mad at me for being 'emotionless'...😃👍 #actuallyszpd #actuallynd #theyre really mentally ill so i dont blame them too much but its just....idk #vent #or whatever

[wolveshowlingatnight]

Guntrip (1969) used the phrase "the living heart fled" to describe the situation in which the vital energies, emotions, and vitality affects are held inside, leaving an empty shell to interact with others and to direct human relations.

Gary Yontef, Psychotherapy of the Schizoid Process

#schizoidquotes #schizoid #schizoid personality disorder #szpd #actually szpd #actuallyszpd #actuallyschizoid #actually schizoid

[senkrechter]

I read so much conflicting stuff about SZP... Some people claim schizoids do not experience emotions whatsoever, but to my understanding, we do, but simply don't express any of it - And sometimes we dissociate from feeling emotions, but that is just blocking, not a true lack of emotions. Would you find this to be generally correct? I am new to this, and seeing people basically equate schizoid to antisocial is confusing me (altho antisocials also can experience emotions so...)

To be honest, I don't think I've seen people equate SZPD to ASPD (Antisocial personality disorder) often. Even if they try or use terminology for ASPD when talking about SZPD it usually comes from their misunderstandings of ASPD. People with ASPD do experience emotions, and can very strongly. It is a cluster B disorder after all. That's why outbursts and/or impulsive behavior is common with it. I think this misunderstanding of it commonly from people without any PD comes from it generally being emotions that can be negative that are felt most strongly, like anger. However, speaking for myself, I definitely don't feel or actually experience emotions. I more or less think them. If something great or terrible happens, there is no physical feeling inside me. It's always the same. But I will think things along the lines of "This is upsetting. I can't believe this is how things went." or "This is great. I am excited." But I am not actually feeling excited. Same with anger and everything else. It is difficult to explain, and probably difficult to understand for many people, unfortunately. Apathy, detachment and so on are very integral parts of SZPD. And it is internal, not just an outward expression. But of course, this is not set in stone. SZPD isn't some permanent stamp on your forehead that dictates you as a human being are forever barred from experiencing emotion.

#ask #anon #szpd #schizoid personality disorder #actuallyszpd #aspd #schizoid #i hope this made sense anon

[lost-in-our-nightmares]

why do men always say “dont worry” when they txt me abt somethin. like, you think youre important enough for me to worry about?????

#actuallydivine #actuallyszpd #breakup #szpd #actuallyschizoid #trauma #actuallyaspd #aspd #mentally ill

[mukami-sakamaki]

i extert so much energy into being normal but like... it feels all fake... i feel like im faking emotions, but then i also feel like im faking the whole act of faking at all in the first place. then that also feels fake.

is that normal? feeling constantly fake? like my symptoms are fake but im faking the fact that im faking the symptoms. am i in denial?

what does feeling feel like? what does not feeling feel like? will i ever know?

its just a thick wet grey blanket in a void that covering SOMETHING but its so wet and heavy i cant lift it. sometimes it comes out from under it but then the blanket covers it again and i doubt i ever felt it? does that count as feeling?

even what i consider rage is just a mere grumble and long term passive agressive comments but its not red hot anger just... lukewarm annoyance.

im rambling but i just want to know whats normal anymore. what am i experiencing? is there a word for this? what am i?

someone please answer this i need words for why im just... not fully empty but more like... half an oz of water in a 16 oz glass

#shuu composes #szpd #actually szpd #actuallyszpd #personality disorder #bpd #npd #aspd #avpd #hpd #stpd #cluster a #cluster b #idek what to tag this as anymore im just numb and lost