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i-am-hungry-24-7 · 21 days

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I've just re-read my previous requested fic for tf 141 x reader with high pain tolerance, and I think we could extend this prompt (and as always you can take it or leave it, no pressure a yea 👍🏻)

What if TF 141 almost lost F!Reader again, this time she got caught by enemies and got tortured for crucial/classified information. While being tortured, you can't help but feel a little grateful that you have such an extreme pain tolerance. You finally managed to get out that place by your own (and of course after unaliving your enemies) and got back to your team. Men are worried as hell cause 1) you look like shit, like someone has just crawled out of hell (which in your part it isn't wrong), 2) the fact that you have extreme pain tolerance just make it worse

And when you finally got evaluated by medics, including clothes off, that's when they knew you'd have it worse than what they've imagined. Black-ish bruises almost every where, broken bones, dislocated joints, dried blood etc. It's heartbreaking seeing you like this. Probably some will have self blaming, guilty, rage, and other mixed emotions. Hmm imagine the heavy angst but also the massive comfort after that.

Thankskie 🦈

Summary: high pain tolerance F!Reader get tortured, after you getting rescued, enjoy the FLUFF between you and TF141

cw: very slight gore (interrogation), canon swearing, canon violence

blahaj, FLUFF, TF141*F!Reader

last req about high pain tolerance F!Reader

Oh, This isn’t great. You probably going to die this time.

You licked your chapped lips, the bitterness of iron is obnoxious, making you regret the motion and go back to try to piece together your memories again.

You counted the time when you first got caught, but after endless rounds of interrogations, your mind is too hazy to keep up the measurement.

With your hands bounding tightly on your back, chains and steel bars preventing your legs from moving, all you can do is just prey for your teammates to come.

At least you aren’t afraid, no fear of death, nor fear of pain. It’s always these moments that you feel grateful for having almost no feelings of pain, it makes you keep composed and adamant.

Well, starving kind of sucks though, you guess you’ll even devour those vegetables you hated and shoved into Kyle’s plate if it’s presented to you.

Your mind wanders, from your pudding hiding in the deepest part of the fridge in case someone (Soap) eats it, to how Price will scold your ears off for being too reckless when you’re back, until the footsteps outside the door remind you to concentrate.

Damn, you need to get out alive if you want to listen to your dear Captain recite the rules.

The door creaks open with the broad man stepping in and his dogs tailing after with weapons.

The cool water gets splashed on your face when the man stands still in front of you.

“New toy, yeah?” you spot the machete in the man’s grip

“Glad to see you awake, sergeant?” The man laughs “Seems like the mouth still works pretty well, I hope your mind is clear too so we can cooperate perfectly today.”

“Sober enough to tell you ‘no’, I guess”

Red pours from your shoulder the second after your taunt, and you frown slightly at the little sting.

“Fucking bitch still has a sharp tongue after these wounds...” He eyes down at you with a bit of disbelief.

Even though you can’t see yourself, you know you look like shit either. Burnings from the lighters, slash wounds from various tactical knives, dark bruises forming on your thigh and other parts after countless punches and kicks.

All you need to do is buy time, but even if you barely feel pain, you still will die from blood loss if this keeps going.

The rest of the interrogation is just adding more injuries to your broken body, and your consciousness starts fading.

You really want to take a nap... but will you wake up again? you’re not sure especially when another smash lands on the back of your head.

Just about minutes before you sure will pass out again, you hear the noise. Gunfire, yelling, screaming of a massacre.

They arrived...

“Go check what’s wrong.” The broad man gestures, and one of his subordinates walks out to

“Guess your saviors have come... now” You look straight into the man ’s eyes when he puts the muzzle between your eyes. “No time for playing, one last time, tell me the people gave you the intel.”

The chaos outside is getting louder and closer. Buy time, you tell yourself again, so you whisper

“Okay... Okay... I will tell you, please don’t kill me, please...” You sniff, and start sobbing while your head stays lowered.

“Finally giving up, huh? Tell me, I need their name, who do they belong.” The smirk on the man’s face gets wider, god, you really want to punch his face.

“It’s...” You murmur, and the man leans closer to hear clearly.

“It’s go fuck yourself, you bloody bastard.” You spit the blood on his face and grin like a maniac.

and the door swings open, the gunshot splatters the man’s blood on your face, but you don’t care.

You win.

“Hey, guys, long time no see.” You smile at your teammates after the man collapses beside you.

“You’re fine now, don’t worry, we got you.” Soap rushes to your side “Price is calling the exfil, Ghost and Gaz are outside making sure everything’s clear.”

“Thanks...” You melt into Soap’s arm when he unties the rope and carries you.

“I tell the bastard to go fuck himself, hehe.”

“Stop talking, bonnie, ye need to rest.”

“Did I do great?”

“Yes.” The gravel voice of Soap’s becomes softer as he answers.

“May I rest now?” you blink slowly.

“Of course, lassie.”

Getting the confirmation, The warmth radiating from Soap is too soothing, you want to tell him how much you miss them, but those words are unable to come out as you get dragged into a coma instantly.

“damn...”

Your eyelids flutter open, the familiar white ceiling is the first thing you see.

“Morning, bonnie, how do ye feel?”

“dizzy as fuck.”

“pain?”

“Nah.”

“Sometimes I think you’re not human...” Soap laughs, but he’s worried, or worried can’t describe his mood when he saw your wounds as you were sent into the infirmary.

That day when they back to base, all of them followed you, and didn’t pay any mind about getting their gears off first.

You looked like someone who just found her way out of hell, beautiful face swollen, large bruises spread across your skin like some nasty paintings, and the situation was worse than they expected after the medics cut your clothes off and started their evaluation.

Soap couldn’t forget the rage swallowing him like flames when he saw what you went through in those days, the more wounds they spotted, the more tension in the air became more insufferable.

Gaz and he cursed when they saw the huge burn on your back, skin obviously inflamed, and when the deep cuts that exposed the bones revealed from the cover, he noticed Ghost clenching his fist to suppress anger.

Price stormed out of the infirmary and called Laswell between the medics surmising how many of your bones were broken.

“Wait...” your voice pulls Soap back to reality “blahaj! 4 blahaj! Where do they come from?”

“Price gave them to you, as rewards for your hard work. He said you keep rambling about wanting to have one.”

“awwww” Soap grins as he watches you struggle to hug all of them at one time.

“There ya go.” He helps adjust the plushies so you can get them all in your arms.

“Oh yeah, where’s others?”

“Price’s on op, will be back in a week. Ghost and Gaz will visit you soon.”

“Hmmmm.”

You caress one of the blahaj’s head and turn your face

“Thank you.” you grin “For coming to save me.”

“What are you talking about?” Covering his hand on yours, he looks into your eyes, without those playful glints in his azure ones.

“We’re a team, or more than a team. Ye think we will throw ye there and do nothing?”

The seriousness on his face infatuates you, you meet his gaze without darting, and finally, break into tender giggles.

“yeah, sorry, you’re right.” You chuckle “You know what? In that basement, All I wanted was to get out of there and come back to eat my pudding.”

“Pudding?”

“Yeah, I have one in the fridge.” nodding in excitement, you continue “I should ask the doctor if I can eat it.”

“Wait that’s yours?!”

“What’s wrong?”

“Ehhh...” Soap’s smile freezes on his face under panic “I ate it.”

“...”

Soap MacTavish gets kicked out of the room with a new mission: buy 10 puddings.

When Gaz knocks on the door and steps into your ward, you are staring out the window, but turn to him immediately when you hear his arrival.

“Hey, Kyle.” You wave with your better hand.

“Feel better?” The sugar-coated smile he has always provides you with energy, your mood lights up as he takes the seat beside your bed.

“mmhmm, not that dizzy anymore.”

“loves those sharks very much?” He points at the blahajs you squeeze close to you.

“Damn, they’re my new babies now.” You show Gaz each of them.

“This is Pricey, this is Ghostie, this is Gazzy, and this is Soapy.” Proudly introducing them to Gaz, you give the sharkies a few pats.

“Such Innovative names, hm?”

“I don’t think Gaz is some special name too, Kyle.”

You both giggle at the stupid names you granted to the sharks, while Gaz lands his eyes on your arm hanging mid-air, his laughter gradually comes to a halt.

“Hey.” He watches you raise an eyebrow when he calls you “Sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Just...” His eyes stay on your bruises, traveling along them, and he hates that they lead his gaze to roam your whole figure. “We should be there faster.”

His brown eyes are full of distress when they meet yours again.

“Garrick, come closer.” You beckons, and he follows suit.

“Don’t apologize. When I saw all of you on that goddamn chair, I knew I was safe now.” You cradle his cheek in your palm “You guys are my shelter, my home, and I never thought the chance that my team wouldn’t save me, Soap said it yesterday, and I’m sure you’re the same, yes?”

“Of course.” His eyes soften, and you return him a reassuring smile when

“Time for you to go train the rookies, right?” Shooting a glimpse at the clock, you ask.

“yeah, time to deal with those troubles.” He stands up from the chair and looks down at you “See you, lovie.”

“see ya.”

You watch him walk towards the door, but stop after a few steps.

“Why does Soapy have a huge dent on his head?”

“Oh.” You pout “He ate my pudding, so I punched his shark since I can’t spar with him now.” another punch hit Soapy when you finish speaking.

“Wow...”

Gaz mourns for his brother’s future with his whole heart.

“Still awake?” The gruff yet gentle voice floats into your ear the moment the door slides open.

“Been sleeping the whole day, LT.”

Ghost watches you shift, and lies on your side to face him.

“How’s the day, Ghost?”

“Shit as usual.”

“How about seeing me, feel better?”

“Feels worse.”

“Hey, honesty is a virtue but not here.”

He scoffs at your retort as he observes your face.

“The bruises on your face look smaller.” Ghost indicates.

“Oh yeah, my face! How does it look like?” You point at the hand mirror Gaz brings you, and after Ghost hands it to you, you open the lid.

“Jesus Christ!” you shout when the reflection shows you how shit you look like “I’m so ugly right now!”

“We all know.”

“Damn, if there’s an award for honesty, you will be the winner, Simon.” You throw the mirror back into his grip.

“Will you congratulate me?”

“I will give you an ‘I’m a winner’ sticker for you to paste on your mask.”

He chuckles at your banter, but you can sense his exhaustion, from his limp body to his half-lid eyes.

“You’re tired, Simon. Go back to rest.” You coo softly.

“I’m not leaving until you sleep.”

“but I’m not that sleepy now.”

“Should I sing you a lullaby, sergeant?”

“I’m afraid that my ears don’t have the honor the hear your beautiful singing, Sir.” you feign an ‘oh hell no’ face to him, but your eyes light up when an idea comes to mind.

“Hey, how about you lie on my bed? it can fit 2 people.”

“I don’t know you’re such an active woman.”

“Fuck you, Simon. If you want me to fall asleep then get on the bed right now!”

Sighs in compromise, Ghost rises from the chair and sits on the edge of your bed with a grunt, and you scoot inward to leave him more space to lie down.

“You’re like a bear, Ghost, I’m gonna squash into a pie by you and the blahajs!”

“Then throw those bloody sharks on the floor.”

“No! they’re Tf141 blahaj!” You pet the one in your arms when Ghost gives you a confused face. “This is you, Ghost.”

“The real Ghost is beside you and you choose him over a fake one?”

“I don’t know you’re that active, lieutenant.”

You smirk at him, he’s only wearing a balaclava, so you’re able to see the corner of his eyes crinkle at your words.

But Ghost must have some magic, you grow sleepier under his presence, maybe it’s his steady breath sounds like a lullaby, or it’s because safety he always generously offers to you.

“Sleepy now?” He speaks slowly and quietly as if he’s fear of scaring your sleepiness away.

“a bit...” A big yawn answers the question better than your slurry voice.

“Close your eyes then.”

“mmm.”

You secure the Ghostie blahaj in a tight embrace as you follow Ghost’s command.

you feel light pats on your non-injured part, and you scoot closer to the bulky man, letting him lead you into a peaceful sleep.

Ghost watches you fall asleep, and he moves off the bed as gently as he can.

“Sweet dreams.” He chants in a low voice, and he takes other sharks in his hand, placing them closer to you.

Making sure the sharks are cuddling you, he leaves like a ghost in the serene silence.

You look down at yourself, ankles tied to the chair, blood dripping from the knife that’s barely in your sight.

Aren’t you already out of that basement...?

Is it all a dream? In reality, you’re still getting interrogated?

You try to fixate on the noise outside the door, but you feel the cold metal touching your forehead.

Am I never going to see them again? I want to see them again...

I want to hear Price’s praises, want to hear Soap and Gaz fighting over the last biscuit, want to hear Ghost’s annoyed voices at my frolic.

Tears gather in your eyes when you hear the click from turning off the safety of the gun.

“... geant...sergeant... sergeant.”

“Ahh!” You let out a yell as you snap your eyes open, which are wide with horror.

“Cap-Captain...” You pant whilst you recognize the person pulling you from your nightmare.

“Yes, it’s me, love. You’re safe now, you’re in the base, infirmary, remember?” He caresses your hair to calm you down.

Oh, yes, you aren’t in that basement. You’re back.

You’re with the people you love.

“Why are you here, Captain?” after you breathe steadily again, you notice it’s 1 am, and the aisle outside is silent.

“Just came back from the op, and want to see you.”

“You should have some rest, Price.”

“You mean I leave now even when you just woke up from a nightmare?” He crooks his eyebrows.

“Well...”

“Be selfish, love. I will stay here.”

“You don’t blame me for being too stupid and getting caught by the enemy?”

“Things went south sometimes.” He shakes his head “It’s not your fault.”

“...”

“Say it, luv.” He encourages you when you hesitate.

“I...” “I thought I was not afraid of anything... at least in that basement, pain’s not a big deal for me, starvation is bearable, and death... if that means I won’t lose to those dorks, then it’s nothing to me.”

Price gives you a grunt as acknowledgement, so you continue.

“but... I think I’m still afraid of dying...” You fidget your fingers “I want to see all of you again... I want to come back to you.”

“I don’t want to die...”

You haven’t noticed tears staining your cheeks until Price’s finger — calloused yet warm — wipes the tears away.

“We all know you’re brave, kid.” Price cups your face, hand barely touches your skin, must be avoiding trigger your pain, but you don’t care, nor you can feel the pain, you shove your cheek in it and earn a chuckle from the man.

“Your high pain tolerance makes you look forward to your target without worrying yourself, but keep in mind.”

“Don’t make us worry, you need to come back to us, we can’t lose you, just like you can lose us. Understood?”

“Yes, Capt.”

“You want to go back to sleep?”

“If you tell me a bedtime story, then I will.” the mischievous grin returns to your face.

“Greedy, eh? I thought those sharks could satisfy you.”

“I want your bedtime story too.”

“How about I tell you a story about how to become an attentive soldier?”

“Fuck you, Captain.”

You hit Price with the plushie, which he catches easily, and put it on his lap, letting you give the shark little punches to drain your excessive energy, as he starts telling what happened when he met Soap the first time.

You aren’t afraid of pain, and you become an undaunted person on the battlefield. Yet still, you now keep in mind that there are people who love you, and are worried about you.

You all are a team, a home, and a haven for each other, always by each other’s side, or waiting for others to return safely.

and it’s really nice to be able to come back home.

a/n: thanks for reading! and thank you sharkie for the request, I hope you will like it (or not too disappointed) !! :D

Have a nice day/night, everyone!

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muchosbesitos · 8 months

Text

el arreglo part 2

pairing: arranged marriage miguel x fem reader

warnings: miguel being less of an ass than last part (still an ass), implied fingering, oral (f receiving), bit of angst 🧍🏻

author’s note: sorry it took me so long to get it out but i hope you all enjoy <33

word count: 4052

el arreglo pt 1

The next couple days had been spent in awkward silence and tension, until Miguel approached you while you were watching a episode of your favorite series. His hair was disheveled and he was wearing his workplace attire, making your heart skip just the tiniest bit. However, that all stopped as soon as he opened his mouth. "I'm sorry that i've been treating you so coldly. The day that i slept with you was a mistake, you were just another warm body to me," he started off but was interrupted by your bitter laughter. "Just another warm body? This apology's really going places," you muttered, placing the tv on pause as you turned to look at him. "The day that we slept together was because I saw my ex wife that day. She was out with some guy at a restaurant, a restaurant that i showed her. And I guess I just needed someone to help me forget," he added, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. You felt yourself growing angrier at this apology, if you could even call it that.

"So the first time you decided to sleep with your 'wife', it was solely because you needed something to forget? You're a real asshole, Miguel. I thought you were starting to like me or at the very least tolerate me," you responded, trying to keep your anger in check just so he wouldn't see how much it affected you. He was about to say something else but you decided to cut him off before he made you angrier, telling him, "I'm leaving. Give you some time to re-evaluate this marriage and find out if your business is truly worth all this. And please, by all means, invite as many warm bodies as you want." You got up from the couch after speaking and grabbed your suitcase from the closet.

You knew it probably wasn't the best idea to run away from Miguel the way you did, but you knew that if you stayed in the house, it wouldn't make much of a difference. As you brought your suitcase into your old apartment, you couldn't help but feel a mixture of disappointment and relief. You were glad that you'd been smart enough to keep your old apartment in case of an emergency like this one, but you felt disappointed at the fact that you even had to resort to this. You felt your mind clouded with thoughts about getting a divorce, but you quickly pushed them away as you unpacked your clothes from your suitcase. You wanted some kind of validation from your father, found yourself craving it to the point where you'd stick in this godawful marriage at least a little while longer.

The next couple days were spent and solitude and burying yourself in work, hoping that it would get your mind off how hopeless your marriage felt. One morning while you were getting ready for work, you realized that you'd left your favorite necklace back at the house so you decided to head back, knowing that Miguel was probably off at work already and you'd be able to avoid any awkward conversation. Despite that, you still found yourself sneaking into your room like a teenager, hoping that none of his staff would find you in the house.

You opened up your bedside drawer, grabbing the necklace and clasping it on, letting out a small sigh of relief at how well it seemed to be going so far. You jumped a bit when you heard some snoring coming behind you, grabbing the tv remote as a form to defend yourself before turning around to see a lump on your bed. You had gotten so caught up in getting the necklace and leaving as soon as possible that you hadn't realized Miguel was sleeping on your side of the bed, clutching one of your shirts tightly. You had recently worn that shirt, about a week ago, so your scent was still fresh. You felt some sort of hope blooming deep inside before pushing it down, suppressing the need to turn this into something more important than it was. However, you left a featherlight kiss on his cheek before leaving his house.

Even though you'd found Miguel in that vulnerable position, neither you or him made any effort into making amends or reaching out. That was, until Friday night when you got a call from him at midnight. You were waking up from your slumber, rubbing your eyes as you answered the phone, immediately hearing music blaring in the background. "Hello?" You mumbled groggily, slightly annoyed that he'd woken you up. "Heyyy! So Miguel got really drunk and he kept babbling about how much he missed you," a man spoke into the phone, slightly slurring his words. You recognized the voice as Peter Parker, one of Miguel’s best friends, (even if he'd never admit that) and the man your husband would rather talk to at galas instead of you. "I think you have the wrong number," you replied, feeling pretty sure that Miguel didn't like you enough to actually miss your presence. "No, no! You're his wife right? Anyways, I wanted to ask if you could come pick him up," Peter replied before hanging up abruptly, leaving you to think about what to do.

As you drove to the bar, you couldn't help but question why you were really doing this and why you were willing to help Miguel out despite all that he said. A part of you felt some hope after seeing him in your room and what Peter had said, but you still couldn't help but doubt his intentions given what he said after you two were intimate. You went inside the bar, shaking your head as you looked over to see Miguel singing karaoke with Peter. You felt like you were given an opportunity to see another part of Miguel, another intimate part, since you'd never seen him act this freely so you decided to sit down while he sang.

Miguel glanced over at you, a bright smile on his face as he walked over, like he didn't recall any of the horrible things he'd said. He placed his hands on either sides of the counter, holding up the string of your nightdress with one finger as a scowl formed on his face. "Why'd you come to the bar dressed like this?" He asked, keeping his tone even despite the look on his face. You rolled your eyes, feeling stupid for even having to explain yourself. "Peter woke me up and I didn't have time to change," you replied, watching as he covered you up with his body. "Nobody's supposed to see you like this except for me, mi dulce esposa," he whispered in your ear, his words slurring as he stumbled forward. "Okay, let's go home." (my sweet wife)

The drive home was mostly silent, apart from some remarks from Miguel about how slow you were driving. He cleared his throat, his cheeks wet with some tears as he turned to look at you. "I'm sorry for pushing you away. You deserve more of a man than me," he spoke, rubbing your thigh with his hand. You let out an exasperated sigh, tired of hearing men use that as an excuse for their shitty behavior. (whoops) "Look Miguel, I never asked for someone better. I just wanted you to be better," you replied, pushing his hand away as you kept your gaze on the road. Miguel’s stare on you lingered for a while before looking out the window as he let out a small sigh. "Y'know, the house feels so empty without you listening to Selena at ungodly hours in the shower or your laughter filling the atmosphere," he said, looking at you with so much longing in his eyes. You decided not to say anything, knowing Miguel would probably go back to being an asshole by the time the alcohol wore off.

"We're here," you spoke up again once you pulled up to the front of his house, looking over to see him sleeping facing you. So that's what you needed to do for him to sleep with you. You pushed the thoughts aside and turned off the engine, opening up the passenger door. You gently shook his shoulder, watching as his eyes flickered from you to his house. "I was hoping there was more traffic," he mumbled, unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the car. "You need help getting back to the house?" You asked, holding onto his arm to offer him some stability. "I'd like that," he mumbled, walking next to you as he fiddled with the keys to the front door. You two walked up the stairs in silence and you helped take Miguel’s shoes off when he laid down. You were about to leave when you heard Miguel clear his throat, only turning around out of curiosity. "Stay," he whispered before he fell asleep.

As much as you wanted to, you didn't trust that Miguel wouldn't go back to acting shitty in the morning so you decided to leave. As you drove back home, you couldn't help but think about Miguel’s words and if he was being genuine. Even if they were a drunken man's words, you still wished with your being that it would be true. As you lay in bed alone, your thoughts kept lingering back to Miguel and if your marriage could be saved.

A knock on your door woke you up the next morning and you rolled out of bed, rubbing your eyes as you opened the door. "Sorry for waking you up, tesoro. I wanted to bring you these flowers as a thank you for taking me home," Miguel said, extending the bouquet out to you with a smile on his face. "Sunflowers?" you asked, opening the door a bit so he'd come in as you went to put them in some flowers. "Yeah, I read somewhere that they're like a little sun panel so it kinda reminded me of you. I’ve been reaching for things that remind me of you because I miss you," he replied, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. After he noticed that you were silent, he decided to speak once more. "I'm sorry chiquita. I don't know how many times i need to say that but I am. I'm sorry that so fundamentally screwed up that I couldn't maintain our marriage." (treasure/little one)

You turned to look at him, a scowl similar to the one he wore on his face constantly showing on yours. "Look Miguel, all you've been doing is giving me excuses for your shitty behavior. And yes, you're screwed up but I don't see why I should be impacted by it. You haven't given me one apology," you spat out, rubbing your temples in annoyance. "And yes, you've been telling me how sorry you are but I don't trust you. I don't trust you not to wake up in the morning and not act cold towards me," you added, opening the door as you looked at him. "Chiquita, I'm sorry," he murmured, holding your hands in his. "There's only so much a sorry can do, Miguel. Just get out of my apartment and give me some time to think about it."

Truth was, you'd gotten tired of justifying Miguel’s shitty behavior after a while. Sure, you could admit that it would take him some time to trust again after he lost his ex wife and daughter around the same time, but he wasn't even trying. You could see it in his eyes, from yesterday at the bar and today, that he did long to have your presence again but you didn't feel capable of trusting him with your heart again.

After a while, you got an email announcing that you were invited to one of those extravagant galas. Despite the fact that didn't feel up for making small talk with entitled men, you still found a thrill in getting ready and feeling like a princess whenever you attended those galas. You found yourself quickly clicking the accept button and making plans to get a dress after your day at work, feeling excited about going out to one of those events despite the fact that people would talk about your failing marriage. You settled on a green dress that complimented your curves to perfection along with some gold heels and emerald jewelry.

You had fun getting ready for the party but your social energy quickly drained after a talk with one of your father's business associates, who kept rambling about the ship he was planning on taking out to the Bahamas. You sat down, taking a sip from your champagne glass before looking up to see Miguel sitting across from you. "What are you doing here all alone?" He asked, the scene mimicking that of your first encounter. "My father's too busy to acknowledge the fact he has a daughter and my husband's a huge dick," you replied, swirling the glass of champagne in your hand as you looked at him. "Sounds like he doesn't know how to appreciate you enough, hermosa." (beautiful)

Even if you were still pissed off at Miguel, it was still entertaining to play along with his story and pretend like you two weren't angry at each other at least for one evening. You two headed out the balcony, using the music as an excuse to head out alone. "So, did you manage to close the deal with the corporation in Italy?" You asked, leaning against the balcony as you looked over at Miguel. His eyes flickered with surprise as he leaned against the balcony, looking over at you too. "I didn't think you'd remember that. But yeah, I did. He's found that my company can give him the kind of attention that he needs," he replied, sipping on his champagne. "I'm glad you can give them the proper attention," you mumbled, taking a sip of your own glass. "You were right, hermosa. I’ve been self-critiquing but I haven't made any effort to change. I'm sorry that I treated you like shit and I'm sorry that i didn't give us too much of an effort," he said with a small sigh as he placed his cup down, stopping you before you started to speak. "I know I haven't been the best partner to you but I promise I'm going to do everything in my power to change that. And if you don't believe me, I’ll just prove it to you, chiquita," he added, holding your hands up to his face as he kissed them.

"Forget that you hate me just for an hour and dance with me, hm?" He asked, extending his hand out as he bowed his head slightly. "Always dancing with no music on," you teased, grabbing his hand as he started to sway you two on the balcony. You rested your head on the crook of his neck, letting yourself enjoy the proximity before you had to go back to the cold reality of being in your apartment alone tomorrow. "¿Qué piensas en esa cabecita hermosa?" He asked, his hand on the small of your back as he continued to dance with you. "Just how nice it is to pretend that we're not separated for once," you replied, your hands now wrapping around his neck as you looked at him. "Then let's stop pretending and let me show you, tesoro," he replied, looking at you with a serious expression on his face. (what are you thinking in that pretty little head?)

As you waited for the valet to bring Miguel’s car around, you couldn't help but feel a surge of hope swirling through you. "Why haven't you filed for divorce? We've been living apart for almost a month now," You asked, breaking the silence to get an answer for the question you so desperately had. You wanted to hear him say that he wanted to have you around, something that would've made the pain worth having. "I've grown to like your company, a lot. Which is rare for me, since I'm kind of an ass. And when I think about my life without you anymore, it feels incomplete. Like all the sunlight's gone from my life," he responded, holding your hand with his. "Very self-aware assessment," you responded, feeling your heart beating faster at the admission that he liked spending time with you.

Once you and Miguel settled into the car, the silence was no longer unbearable between the two of you, rather comforting instead. His fingertips gently stroked your thigh, his touch warming you up through the fabric of the dress. "Miguel, I don't know if I'm ready to sleep with you again," you spoke after a couple seconds of him touching your thigh so delicately, watching his expression for any signs of change. His face remained even as he spoke, his brows softening just the tiniest bit, "I know you're not ready. You're barely ready to start trusting me again. But I want to show you how much you mean to me, tesoro. I want this to be about you and not me." you felt your inner thighs growing wet with his admission, your slick coating your lace panties. "Then why don't you get a head start?" You asked, spreading your legs for him as you watched his eyes darken the slightest bit, the hand that was on your thigh now making way towards your pussy.

You arrived to Miguel’s place with flushed cheeks fifteen minutes later, looking over to see Miguel licking his fingers with no shame. "What a slut," you teased, letting out a small laugh as you saw a bit of drool coming from the side of his mouth. "It's not my fault you're so tasty, mi corazón," he replied, rolling his eyes playfully at the remark. He opened the car door for you, extending his hand out as you started to get out. You took it gratefully, letting him lead you into the place you once called home as well. You let go of his hand as you walked over to the living room, sitting down on one of his arm chairs with your legs spread open, the wet patch from earlier coating the front of your panties. (my love/heart)

"Get on your knees," you spoke after a couple moments, the power dynamic in the room completely changing after he did so. You weren't much of a dominant in the bedroom but something about bringing a 6'9 man to his knees for you made your pussy even wetter. "Now, crawl to me," you ordered, looking down at Miguel as he crawled over to where you were sitting. You placed a foot out, watching Miguel struggle a bit with how little the clasp was on your heels. He quickly slid them off, placing them down on the floor as he waited for your next order. "Show me just how much you've missed my presence."

Miguel began to kiss up your calves, the bulge in his pants becoming more prominent as he leaned in to really take you in. His tongue glided over the smooth skin perfectly, only stopping when he reached his thighs. He moved your dress up, exposing your lace panties to him. He settled in between your thighs, gently biting on the skin, Like he wanted to mark you up once more. "Just in case you get any ideas about leaving this house again," he mumbled, his fangs grazing the skin as he nibbled. His hands massaged on your thighs, rubbing small circles on them as his mouth focused on your inner thighs, kissing and nipping them. You felt yourself growing impatient at Miguel’s teasing, thrusting your pelvis towards his face as you let out a small whine. "I thought I said show me how much you missed me, huh?"

He let out a low chuckle but leaned in, pressing a kiss over your panties. His tongue darted out as he felt your scent completely overpower his brain, only working on autopilot to provide you with the pleasure he knew you desperately needed. Your hands tangled in his hair as he ate you out through your panties, letting out a soft mewl as he flicked his tongue over your clit. He only pulled away to remove your panties, his fingers hooking over the waistband as he pulled them down. He started to kiss up your legs again, but didn't linger on your thighs like he'd done so, instead his mouth instantly attached itself to your pussy. His eyes closed as he tugged on your folds gently, sucking on them to get the juices that leaked out from his past teasing. Your back arched as you felt his tongue go inside of you, your fingers tightly wound on his hair as you tugged. "That's it, take what you need," he whispered, letting out soft moans in your pussy as he felt you grind against his face. He had no objections to it, in fact, he loved being the one providing you with such intense pleasure right now.

Two of his fingers slipped inside you, moving in a scissoring motion as he tried to ease his way in. "Tan bueno que me apretas," he mumbled, his mouth closing around your clit, the vibrations going straight to your core as he spoke. Your mouth was parted in an 'o' shape, letting out broken pleas and mewls of his name as his fingers pushed deep inside of you. You gripped his hair tightly, letting out a moan at the groan he let out as you started to grind on his fingers, moving your hips up and down. His fingers curled as he found the spongy spot inside of you that had your toes curling and back arching. "Too much!" You moaned out, your legs twitching as you felt the familiar coil building up inside of you from the stimulation to your g-spot and your clit. You came with a loud moan of Miguel’s name, slumping against the couch as you watched him retract his fingers, licking them clean. He leaned in, starting to lick your release off and you started to grow overstimulated. "What are you doing?" You mumbled, coming down from your high. "Who said we're stopping here? I have a lot of making up to do." (you squeeze me so good)

You lost track of the amount of orgasms Miguel had given you just with his tongue or the concept of time when it ended as your legs shook. You tried to get up from the arm chair but Miguel quickly scooped you up in his arms, pushing your hair back from your face. "You did so good for me," he whispered, dipping his head down as he kissed your forehead. You watched as he walked up the stairs, showing no signs of struggle as he headed into his bedroom. He set you down on the bed, grabbing a spare set of clothes for you and himself. You looked at him change out of his formal attire, a frown forming on your face as you laid down on the bed. "Talk to me, what's wrong?" He asked once he looked over at you, sitting down next to you. "I'm just nervous to fall asleep is all. I’m scared that I'm gonna wake up and you're not gonna be there," you replied, remembering the sting you felt when he'd promised he would stay. He gently stroked your shoulder, placing a kiss on your cheek as his expression softened up just the tiniest bit. Something you quickly learned he reserved just for you. "I'll be here when you wake up."

You felt a sense of relief when you rolled over on the bed, seeing Miguel still asleep on the bed with one hand splayed on your stomach. You leaned in, placing a small kiss on his cheek as you let yourself enjoy the moment just for a little while. You looked at him as he opened his eyes, a lazy smile forming on his face. "Good morning," you whispered, feeling his hand forming small circles on your stomach. "I feel like you should know you will always be my favorite business arrangement."

@chshiresins @cheerrioeoz @buggaboorenegade @undertale-anomaly20 @bouquetoflove @nekojovichuu @francesca-the-1st

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her-devils-advocate · 2 months

Text

Year 850, then; Year 854, now

pairings: Levi Ackerman x (GN!) reader

genre: Hurt/comfort, fluff, fluff and comfort, angst, angst and fluff

summary: Two tender moments between you and Levi after being injured in battle, leaving him to worry and look after you in his own ways.

Warning for the ending of aot spoilers

word count: 3,765

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54818275

Year 850, then:

It had been a gruelling expedition, one that had resulted in a multitude of casualties, including your own. It was a routine mission, you and your squad had been tasked with surveying the land, finding the safest route to one of the scout bases and supplying it ahead of time. You only needed to bring simple necessities like spare food and medical equipment that the upcoming squad would require during their stay there, as well as clearing out any titans that had happened to be found along the way. A small risk, all things considered.

On paper, it was one of the safest missions that the scouts had taken in a while. After the previous expedition had resulted in many deaths, the scouts had put a small pause on activity outside the walls while everyone recovered and re-evaluated future missions.

Levi had scoffed at the mention of Erwin sending you as the squad leader, mumbling under his breath that such a mission was beneath you and your team. You had reassured him that you were the best choice; that it would be a simple in-and-out mission. You and your team would be back before he knew it.

“I still don’t see why we are bothering to send you of all people on a supply run to that dusty old base. What a waste of time and resources when you should be focusing on training your team. How are you supposed to prepare your team for the upcoming missions while wasting energy supplying another?”

“Levi, it’s alright.” You remember the smile that lights up your face when you see him roll his eyes, his lips pursed in what was definitely not a pout. The captain would never do such a thing, of course. That's what he told you when you gleefully pointed it out, at least.

“Having me lead the squad is probably just a precaution, in case anything happens. I highly doubt that we will encounter many titans, if any. You know the route is usually empty each time we send out supplies. I’ll be back before you even have a chance to miss me.”

“Tch, sure. If anything, it will give me the peace I need to finish that paperwork.”

You mentally cursed yourself for tempting the universe to put you in your place, forcing you to eat your words.

On paper, it was a simple task.

In actuality, the pouring rain obscured your vision, making it almost impossible to see more than a few feet in front of you as the dark clouds dimmed the world around you. The heavy rain mixed with the steady march of the horses along the ground. Their hooves drummed against the wet earth, vibrating through your cold and tense body, splashing through the slowly growing puddles. The howling wind echoed in your ears, taking the words of your squad and drifting them up to the dark clouds above.

It was a perfect recipe for disaster, especially when neither you nor your team could spot the two abnormal titans rapidly approaching your position.

The last thing you remember is the shooting pain as one of the titans reached its elongated limb to swipe at your horse, sending you flying through the air and crashing into the ground.

That's how you find yourself lying in a lumpy bed, the scratchy material rubbing against the sections of tender skin not currently covered in bandages. You sit up with a small wince, pain rolling over you in long waves at the motion. You carefully wiggle your arms and legs, happy to feel them move at your command despite the hot flush of pain.

Hange and Commander Erwin arrive shortly after you wake, sitting beside you and keeping you company as you give your report of the mission. They don't miss the way your eyes flicker with shame, guilt reflecting in your eyes for not noticing the danger until it was too late, despite battling the elements.

You are usually careful once you and your squad are in Titan territory, always on high alert and on the watch for the slightest hint of danger. While it’s not the first time you’ve found yourself on the bad side of luck, the guilt and feelings of failure never seem to lessen.

“You will be happy to know that everyone survived. They are a bit battered here and there, but your squad will be alright in time. You are the most injured out of everyone, in fact, congrats!” Hange says, amusement and relief shining in their eyes as they watch you sigh, sinking deeper into the frustratingly stiff pillows.

“That is good news, thank you Hange. Not that I don't appreciate you both visiting me, seeing both of your faces certainly helps to brighten my day, when I’m not in trouble or receiving bad news, that is.”

You hear the two chuckle, despite being friends with Erwin, you have forced his hand enough to be given a few small slaps on the wrist in the past.

“But where's Levi? I figured he would be here to lecture me on getting injured at the very least.”

Erwin gives you a knowing smile, sitting up in his chair a little straighter, “Don't worry, I’m positive that you won't get away from that lecture. I've already gotten my version from him at least twice now.”

You raise your eyebrow quizzically, you knew of Levi’s frustrations with the mission yet you never figured he would chew Erwin out over it.

Before he has a chance to continue, Hange lets out a loud laugh, desperate to share a fact they know Levi would happily keep to himself.

“Shorty refused to leave your side when you were brought in, even with the medics stating that he was getting in their way. He only left just before you woke up to fetch you some food, claiming you're ‘a damn brat when hungry’.”

They lower their voice to mimic him while crossing their arms and glaring as they speak. You let out a small, surprised giggle, the action causing you to wince as your ribs protest.

“You know, if anything, he’s probably going to be even more pissed that you decided to wake up after he left,” Hange says with a small wink.

As if on cue, Levi opens the door with one hand, carefully balancing a plate of unusual food on the other.

“I got held up by the damn brats. Braus and Springer found me in the kitchen and decided to take over, wanting to show me a secret they had when it came to making the most out of our shitty reserves or something. I figured there was no harm, those kiddos have been vibrating with nerves ever since they got the news.”

He pauses once he takes in the sight before him, his eyes widen when he finally spots you awake. You give him a warm smile as you see the relief that washes over him. His eyes linger on you briefly before he clears his throat, trying to push down the visible urge to rush over to you despite the small audience.

“Apparently they have found a way to make eating potatoes for the hundredth time in a row more exciting for them. Didn't bother to share that with the rest of us. They also told me not to share this information with Erwin since they don't want to be lectured on using our reserves for their little experiment.”

Levi turns to the man in question, ignoring the amusement glinting in Erwin's eyes as Levi’s glare hardens. “I told the kids that the day they get to tell me what to do will be the day all the titans are finally killed, once and for all.”

You can’t help the giggles that erupt from you despite trying to hold back, rapidly dissolving into loud laughter that only grows even more frantic when Hange joins in. Their laughter is even louder as they grasp at their sides, rapidly running out of breath themselves. Tears roll down your cheeks as you try to catch your own breath, bringing a hand to clutch at your tender ribs as each gasp causes the pain to flare angrily.

“Oi, what’s so funny, you two?” Levi’s displeased voice cuts through the growing chaos, only betrayed by the subtle redness of his ears and the softness of his eyes as he watches you struggle to compose yourself. Hange waves their hand in his direction, yet each time they try to speak, more giggles slip from their lips.

He scoffs before shoving the plate onto your lap, mindful to avoid your injuries before pulling Hange out of the chair beside your bed and settling down into it, ignoring their cries of protest.

“Hey! I was sat there first, shorty. Erwin!” “Yeah, well I’m sat here now, four-eyes. Don’t you have a titan to go poke? And you,” Levi turns to glare at Erwin, who was simply content to watch his soldiers bicker despite their positions, “don’t you have some paperwork to fill out or something?”

The tall blonde slowly stands from his chair, ushering Hange out of the room alongside him before turning towards you with a kind expression.

“We know when we have overstayed our welcome, we wish you a speedy recovery.”

You give Erwin a small nod before looking down at the food placed on your lap. You notice the thin slices of potato that had been cooked until they were crisped. You glance up at Levi, raising a single eyebrow.

“Don’t ask me, the cadets wanted to make something nice for you. They were worried.”

Once Erwin and Hange can be heard moving further down the medical wing while Hange happily chats the other’s ear off, Levi moves from the chair he had rudely claimed. He nudges you, silently requesting you to shuffle over to give him room on the uncomfortable bed. Once he is settled, you rest your head on his shoulder as he carefully brings his arm around you, protectively pulling you close to his side.

“Just them?”

“Tch, shut up and eat your meal.”

Year 854, now:

Thick clouds of dust begin to settle over the ruined ground, it sticks to your hot skin as you breathe heavily. Silence uncomfortably blankets everyone as they let the moment sink in. You had done it, you had all succeeded. Not that it feels like a success.

Your whole body screams out with each movement you make, you had stopped keeping up with your injuries hours ago, simply having more important things to focus on. The stakes were too high to risk caring for every injury. The adrenalin and fear had kept the pain manageable as you pushed your body to its limits, but now, nothing can help as you try to stifle your whimpers.

You don’t know how to feel, already emotionally and physically past your breaking point. You can hear Armin wail somewhere behind you, the sound is haunting as each scream stabs deep into your heart. You don’t want to turn around; you can’t will yourself to do so. You know you should be there to help comfort everyone, but your body is frozen. You’ve always been good at lending a comforting shoulder to the 104th cadets in the past, but now you doubt that anything you do could bring any peace to them.

With Armin's sobs breaking the tense silence, sound reluctantly returns to the world. The bitter victory has no celebration, only relieved sighs and mourning.

You spot Levi from a distance, perched against a fallen rock. Dark blood slowly oozes out from his extended leg, having been broken multiple times and further injured during the final battle.

You allow yourself to feel happy, knowing that he will be alright and that you are both alive.

Your stubborn body unfreezes, despite the pain and exhaustion, allowing you to slowly stumble your way towards him. Your eyes are glued to the destroyed ground as you approach your captain. You take the time to rack your brain of things to say, what can you even say after everything you have both been through? Everything feels too casual, too insignificant compared to the lifelong trauma, both the physical and mental kind, that has been thrust upon you both in the past couple of weeks. You feel selfish for your happiness at his survival, having said too many goodbyes in such a short period. Too many good people have been lost in the twisted war.

“Well, look who showed up…”

Levi’s tired voice stops you in your tracks and your question dies in your throat with a quiet choke when you look up to the crowd now surrounding you.

They are all there: Erwin, Hange and their squad, Levi’s squad, and the dozens of scouts that had risked everything to get you both where you are now. Your eyes blur with thick tears as you catch Hange’s eye, gazing at you in sadness. You want to scream, to run away, to run up and embrace them. You try to compose yourself, but the tears pour down your cheeks when you see the spirits of your squad smiling at you in pride.

“Hey boss, you’re looking pretty banged up” The tall redhead of your group approaches, you remember the day he first joined your squad, all smiles and false confidence. Next to him stands his closest friend, you had chosen both of them at the same time, not wishing to split them apart. Next to them is your second in command, a quiet girl with a strong heart.

“Hi Leon, you can say that again. It’s good to see you again… It’s really good to see you all.” Your voice wavers as you take in the sight of them all, you gradually lost them one by one. Some before Eren’s little stunt, some after. Yet each loss hit hard.

“We’re proud of you, we knew you could do it.”

Your team salute you and the captain one last time before joining the others, fading away with a mixture of emotions on their faces. Some are sad to leave you both behind, some are happy to have gotten a final goodbye at last and some are relieved to see you still alive.

You take in a deep breath, willing your bruised heart to slow down before it bursts out of your chest. Your hands feel numb and you feel your body begin to shake as your mind tries to catch up.

“Oi, sit down before you hurt yourself even more. You look like you're about to pass out.” Levi’s voice is void of emotion as his damp eye looks up at you in concern. You sigh before waddling over to him, your body feels like stone as you collapse against the hard rock, being careful to keep a gap between your bodies, not wanting to possibly hurt him.

“I feel like I might, I also feel like I’m about to be sick.” In any other situation, you would laugh at the way his face scrunches up in disgust at the thought.

“If you do that, you better lean the other way. I don’t want to be covered in it.”

You allow yourself to let out an amused scoff, it feels unnatural to laugh as you scoot closer to him to lean your pounding head against his shoulder.

“Aye aye, captain.” You weakly raise your fist to your heart, giving him a lighthearted salute. You hear a small scoff of his own in return.

“How…how are you doing?” Your whispered words crack as they fall past your lips and you feel him stiffen beside you.

“Good question, you?”

“...Good question, I’m going to go with tired for now.” You can feel your energy quickly fade as black splotches begin to take over your vision, and your body feels light and heavy at the same time.

Levi’s hand brushes your own. He gingerly takes your hand, softly rubbing circles into the back of your hand. “I’m going to need you to control your breathing, you’ve already lost a lot of blood with your current injuries. I need you to stay awake until we can get you sorted. Alright?”

You give him a non-committal hum in response as you try to keep your eyes open. They feel like lead and you want nothing more than to fade into the warm embrace that sleep would bring.

Even besides Levi, the panic continues to swirl around you, dancing maliciously with the pain and nausea. A part of you knows that there is no reason to be scared, you won, yet everything is still unknown. Where do you go from here? Can either of you last for much longer in your sorry states?

Before you can get too lost in your mind, a sharp wave of pain rushes through you when Levi gives you a gentle jab with his elbow, his eyebrows are furrowed with worry as you let out a deep grunt.

“I’m serious, don’t you dare fall asleep until we know you’re in the clear. Do you hear me?”

His words are harsh and yet you can hear the frantic worry that's hidden just below the surface. You want to reply, to tease him for his worry, just like old times, but when you go to open your mouth, you feel as if you are miles away. The world grows darker and the part of you that's not overwhelmed with panic feels guilty for the added stress now thrown onto Levi.

Light chatter surrounds you when you open your eyes, you squint as the harsh sunlight invades your vision. You can feel a thin blanket covering your body and a stiff pillow supporting your head; you feel groggy as you try to take in your surroundings and you mumble incoherently. The chatter dies instantly, a blurry head popping up in your light of sight, blocking the sunlight peaking through the medical tent flap.

“Captain Levi, they’re awake!” Connie’s voice booms through the small, cramped tent. You wince as his voice pierces through your skull, causing it to pound angrily. You had hoped you could sleep through the worst of your injuries, but you have never had the best luck.

“We can see that, quiet down.” Levi’s voice causes your heart to lighten. You groan as you bring yourself to sit up within the medical cot, Levi’s hands holding onto you tightly as he helps guide your stubborn self into a comfortable sitting position.

Connie is hovering nervously by the side of your bed, while Jean and Armin are sitting on the floor nearby. Levi has claimed the singular chair within the tent, placing it as close to the cot as possible. His leg has been wrapped up in bandages once more while his old ones have been replaced with clean ones. You scan his body for any more serious injuries, relaxing when nothing new stands out.

“Hey, I’m alright. We’re all okay.” Levi gives you a knowing look as the rest of the group nods in reassurance.

“Mikasa has already left…She wanted to leave with Eren before…They wouldn’t have given him a decent burial here.” Jean says awkwardly, unsure of what to say or how to say it.

“Way to make things depressing, Jean.”

“Alright, how would you have told them, Connie? I would love to know.”

“Enough, don’t start, you two.” The pair stiffen as Levi’s gruff voice cuts their bickering short.

“Sorry, captain.”

You watch the shenanigans in amusement, your eyes shining with more tears as you take the moment in. They are all okay, they will be okay. The gloom that surrounds you all begins to vanish as a new form of normalcy tries to settle in.

Levi gives them a stern look before slowly standing from his chair. You watch as he grits his teeth, doing his best to keep his mask of nonchalance firmly in place despite the agony he feels.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you think? I’m going to find you something to eat. You’ve been asleep for hours and I know you haven’t managed to eat much during all the bullshit.” “Levi…” “What? You’re a damn brat when hungry, it’s more for our sake than yours.” You can’t help the smile that finds its way onto your face despite your concern. You can hear the others snicker, trying to stifle their amusement before he turns on them as well.

“Oh, captain. It’s alright, please sit down.” Armin rushes up to Levi, his hands hovering before him as if he’s scared to try and place them upon Levi. After a moment of uncertainty, Armin proceeds to gently help Levi sit back down. Your heart warms as you watch Levi reluctantly accept their help without any pushback.

“Connie has already sorted out the snacks,” Armin explains in response to Levi’s questioning glare.

“Yeah, I found a basket of fruit and sandwiches that everyone had put together when we made the camp. Before anyone says anything, I know it’s bad considering…yeah…but I managed to swipe a few for us.”

You thank Connie as he tosses a slightly squashed sandwich in your direction, not realising just how hungry you are as you bite into it. You feel Levi’s hand grasp yours as he slowly eats his own. A peaceful silence falls over the tent, only to be quickly broken.

“Hey, Armin. That was pretty brave of you, y’know.” Connie’s loud whispering catches the attention of everyone as you all slowly turn to watch the pair. Armin raises his eyebrows, confusion plastered clearly on his face.

“Telling the captain what to do like that. I’d have fainted if I were in your shoes.” “Well…” Armin takes a moment to consider his words, a playful gleam in his eyes.

“Remember 4 years ago? He did say we could tell him what to do when all the titans were dead.”

Your eyes widen as your shoulders begin to shake with restrained laughter. Jean and Connie are frozen in shock as Levi lets out a loud groan.

“I was hoping you kids had forgotten that, don’t get cocky.”

You don’t miss the way his voice softens as the group's playful behaviour sinks in. You squeeze his hand, receiving a light squeeze in return when you shuffle to lean closer to him.

His voice is low, just loud enough for you to make out his whispered words.

“I think we’re going to be alright.”

“Yeah, I think we will be.”

#♥. writing #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #aot x reader #levi ackerman x you #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #aot #snk #this was inspired by me thinking about chips while thinking about Levi...somehow

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angelsdean · 9 days

Text

*record scratch* freeze frame. Reality Check. "You're the one who came and got me at school. You're the one who dragged me back into this." let's re-evaluate that statement, Sam, because that is not, in fact, what happened.

The context in which Sam makes this statement is that he's arguing Dean used to care about the revenge quest and killing the demon because Dean is the one that came and got Sam and thus "dragged him back" into the quest to kill the demon. But, that is not why Dean went to get Sam at school, it was to find John, who was missing and possibly dead. Dean didn't even Know about the demon at this point (they don't find out that "the thing that killed mom" is a demon til 1x11) or that John was closing in on it. Dean goes to Stanford to ask Sam to help him look for John, that's it. Then, at the end of 1x01 Dean brings Sam back to school in time for his interview as promised, and drives away. He only turns around when, in the deleted scene, he notices his watch has stopped, cluing him in that something is wrong. And he gets there in time to save Sam from the burning building.

Sam then makes the choice to leave with Dean because now that he's lost someone, he is personally invested in finding John because John knows more about the thing that killed Mary (and now Jess) than anyone, and Sam is the one who is now consumed by the need for revenge and the first step in getting that revenge is finding John, something he had no vested interest in doing before, but is now heavily invested in, even more than Dean is, as we see throughout the first half of s1 where Sam is often the one calling around looking for John and is more interested in searching for John than taking on random cases.

Anyways, it's just so interesting to track this revisionism of events and how both Sam and Dean come to accept this as the truth when it's literally not what we saw happen throughout the season. And we see Dean start to absorb this belief after Meg plants the seed in their heads in 1x16, trying to drive a wedge between them, by falsely saying Dean "drags Sam around like luggage" when literally the whole reason Sam and Meg meet is because Sam wanted to part ways in 1x11 and Dean let him go. Sam then comes back and decides to stay all on his own, even after Dean offers to drop Sam off somewhere.

Dean expresses in 1x16, that yes, he wants Sam around, he wants his family together again, but at the end of that very episode Dean is also the one who says they need to split up from John, even though it's the last thing he wants. Dean consistently is willing to let people go, even if it's not what he personally wants. And especially Sam. Over and over throughout the season he expressed how he wants Sam to have a normal life, is willing to let Sam go, or stay in some random town and drop the search for John. So even IF Dean did secretly want Sam to stick around when he went to get Sam at Stanford, he never expected it. Never enforced it.

That Sam comes to think Dean "dragged him back" into hunting is a purely revisionism and a bit of projection, I think, because Sam might not want to face the truth of the matter which is that he consistently chose to stick with hunting, and actually enjoys it more than he'd like to admit. And, as both he and John express, this quest to kill Yellow Eyes becomes "their" obsession. Not Dean's. Dean is the one who says he'd rather they never find the demon if it means losing his family. Dean is the one that says getting revenge isn't worth dying for. And then, Sam takes this to heart, when at the end of 1x22 he refuses to kill John Possessed by Azazel at Dean's pleading, AND when he tells John that killing this demon does not come "before everything" while eyeing Dean bleeding out in the backseat.

Dean was never the one invested in revenge. He did not come get Sam from Stanford to aid in the family revenge quest, he came for help in finding their missing father, something Dean cared abt simply because that's family, and Dean cares deeply, despite everything John put them through. Dean is the one that cares, the heart of the narrative, etc etc. He comes to Sam because he is alone in the world, because their only other blood relative is missing, because it's a very human thing, to reach out, to want family around. And still, he was always going to let Sam go after the 1x01. He didn't like it. It's not what Dean wanted. But he was going to let him go back to his life. Sam chose to follow Dean and continue searching for John.

#vics spn rewatch #sam revisionism #family dynamics #long post #sorry i got lots to say #spn 1x01 #spn 1x11 #spn 1x16 #spn 1x21 #spn 1x22

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ros3ybabe · 2 months

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Daily Check-in: April 4, 2024 🎀

What a good day! I swear I hadn't had a day so good in so long, but this day was absolutely amazing!

🩷 What I Accomplished Today:

reviewed chapters 8 and 9 of Spanish on Busuu

Studied my Spanish flashcards 1x all the way through

listened to three podcast episodes in spanish

read a chapter of Deep Work, the last chapter of Atomic Habits, and a section from 101 Essays to Change The Way You Think

discovered and listened to "A Better You" podcast by Fernanada Raamirez

Went to my make up chemistry lab

took a make up psyc quiz

met with my psych doctor

had a therapy session

had a meeting with the director of the Dietetic program for my university

filled out an application to become an SI instructor (just not to turn it in to the head SI guy now)

Caught up on my chemistry notes

opened a savings account for my university

searched for nearby places to rent/live (I'm moving out soon, sometime this year)

🩷 What Went Good Today:

Got encouraged to add a 2nd major in Finance

Created a list/schedule of classes for next semester that I'm really excited about

learned about other on-campus job opportunities in case SI doesn't work out

felt confident about my psyc quiz after I took it

the director of the Dietetic program was the absolute sweetest and most helpful, and I am so glad I met with her because she answered all of my questions and gave me some great encouragement

finished my chem lab very quickly

didn't need extra money to open a savings account so a savings account got opened

🩷 What Could Have Gone Better:

I felt like I bugged my dad a lot, but I was just so excited to tell him how good everything was going

Need to re evaluate how much I can realistically save per paycheck at the moment for my housing situation AND the college savings account

got a bit emotional with my boyfriend over some past stuff

did not eat the best or the healthiest

psych doc ordered an EKG because she is concerned that I may have an arrhythmia (had an EKG done in the past for the same reason, but was told it was because of my exercise habits at the time ~4 years ago) and having an arrhythmia will limit the mental health medication I am able to take

Overall, not a bad day whatsoever! I was in a really good mood all day because of how awesome everything was and I'm super grateful that I was able to have such a good day!

til next time lovelies 🩷

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bufomancer · 2 months

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WE NEED YOUR HELP!! $0/$800 raised 📣📣📣

Winston the guinea pig has had now 3 vet visits for his respiratory infection. We have tried and failed two different medications and unfortunately he has gotten worse. Today, we had x-rays done to evaluate the progression. He has pneumonia and we are treating with doxy, baytril, and nebulizing treatments. He will need a recheck in a week that will involve another x-ray to see if we have made any progress.

The total cost for today’s visit was $417.08, and we expect to pay at least $335 for his next visit (based on the exam fee and x-ray cost from today). This brings us to a total of just over $750, so we are hoping to raise $800 to cover today’s bill, the next bill, and a little extra in case he is prescribed something new at the next visit.

We are SO LOW ON FUNDS as we have spent a lot of money recently: Paprika’s vet fees, Morningstar’s vet fees (she is doing AMAZING now in her adoptive home by the way!), Winston’s past visits, Vixen’s emergency vet bill, and multiple necropsies. We WILL get Winston the care he needs no matter what. But our bank account is nearly empty. We need your help!

Because of how low on money we are, and the fact that all of our fosters are bursting at the seams, we are making the unfortunate decision to CLOSE INTAKES for the next few weeks. All new intake requests will be waitlisted and we will reach out when we are able to intake again. We have to prioritize animals already in our care. We hope to re open again sometime in April or May after we’ve had a chance to rebuild our bank account & clear out space in foster homes for more animals.

HOW TO HELP:

V*nmo: tiny-whiskers (under businesses)

P*yp*l: [email protected]

#rodentblr #guinea pig

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bedsyandco · 5 months

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“I don’t want you to go,” luke says, his fingers tracing mindless patterns on her legs as his head rests on her stomach.

“I know, I don’t wanna go either, but I have to,” violet replies, both her hands playing with luke’s curls.

“It’s okay, it’s only a few more months and then we won’t have to say goodbye anymore,” luke says softly and Violet’s hands still, the words on the tip of her tongue but not knowing how to tell him.

“what is it?” luke asks, looking up and seeing the expression on her face. he knows, just by looking at her that there’s something she’s not telling him.

“i’ve been thinking that maybe i should hold off on moving for just another year and-“ her words getting halted when luke sits up suddenly

“you don’t wanna move to jersey?” luke asks, his frown deepening

“i don’t wanna move to jersey yet,” she answers, putting emphasis on the last word.

“but we talked about this. you said you wanted to wait until Daxton graduates and moves away. he’s moving to boston this summer,” luke says, not understanding where this was coming from.

“i know but i wanna finish my degree at michigan,” violet responds

“why can’t you finish your degree here? i mean the courses should be the same,” luke says and violet sighs standing up from the bed.

“i don’t wanna move before i finish my degree luke. i wanna graduate there. that’s always been my plan,” she says, making it clear that this wasn’t really up for negotiation.

“but you said that you’d move when daxton leaves,” luke argues

“i said i’d think about it. and i did think about it, and I decided it’s best for me to stay in michigan and finish my degree,” violet says, her tone impatient

“what about what’s best for us?” luke asks raising his voice a little, standing up from the bed and walking closer to her, but there was still a reasonable distance between them, physically and emotionally.

“we’re already doing long distance,” violet argues

“yeah and it fucking sucks!” luke yells

“I know. You think you’re the only one that doesn’t like doing long distance? You’re not even the one flying back and forth every three weeks luke, I am.” Violet replies firmly, her voice loud but not yelling.

“you wouldn’t have to fly back and forth if you would just move here, like you said you were going to. You also said you were going to call me at least once a day and that also isn’t happening, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised you’re not keeping your word on this either,” luke says and Violet feels a little pang in her stomach, wrapping her arms around herself and just looking at Luke for a few seconds.

“I’m a full time student Luke, with a job, and friends and family. I have a schedule I need to follow and I’m sorry that schedule doesn’t always revolve around you. I’m doing the best that I can. A relationship is about compromise and sacrifice you know?” Violet says

“I’m already sacrificing-“ Luke starts and Violet raises her eyebrow at him.

“what exactly are you sacrificing luke? please say it, you obviously wanted to a second ago,” Violet asks

“Nothing. We should go, your flight leaves in a couple of hours,” luke mumbles

“no what are you sacrificing? do you feel like you’re missing out on something? sacrificing all the hookups you could be having on the road instead of waiting for your girlfriend to text you back? because if that’s the case then I wouldn’t want you to have to struggle with those sacrifices any longer,” Violet says, her voice trembling a little.

“Violet-,” luke says reaching for her but she pulls away.

“no. I don’t know what’s gotten into you but you need to do some re-evaluating and decide if those sacrifices are worth it. This is all I can offer you right now Luke, take it or leave it.” Violet says, grabbing her packed suitcase and her phone and opening the bed room door. At the last second she turns around seeing Luke sit on the bed with his head in his hands.

“You know I’m making sacrifices for you too. I’m going to be sacrificing a whole lot in my future to be with you, and support you through the career you chose. And I’m willing to do that happily because I love you and I wanna be with you. All I’m asking for is a little bit of time Luke, a few extra months.” Violet says and walks back to where he’s sitting, standing between his legs as he cups the back of them, running them up and down soothingly.

“you have a right to be upset luke, your feelings are valid and I’m sorry, this really does suck. but it’s temporary and I promise we’ll make it work. I’m gonna ask Jack to drive me to the airport. Take some time to think about what I said okay? and we’ll talk about it some more. I love you,” Violet says kissing his forehead and making her way out of his room and finding Jack already standing at the door waiting for her.

#⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ violet + luke ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

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omgthatdress · 1 year

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In case there’s ever been any confusion on the subject: FUCK J.K. Rowling.

Since Rowling turned TERF, there’s been a lot of needed re-evaluation and criticism of the Harry Potter series to come out. YES they lack in diversity. YES the goblins are anti-semitic. YES there’s fatphobia. YES to all of that, but to say they weren’t very good books to begin with? Fuck that. They were wonderful books. The world-building got stretched too thin when taken outside of the original 7 books, but within the context of Harry and Harry’s story, it’s rich, immersive, and delightfully imaginative. They created a place where weirdos and outsiders could easily imagine themselves happily fitting in. They taught me incredibly important lessons about choosing to be a good person, even when it’s incredibly difficult to do so. Lessons that I think about when I’m doing my own writing or facing a difficult choice. And ironically its these lessons that I learned from Harry Potter that are the reasons that I’m never buying anything from J.K. Rowling ever again.

Cutting Harry Potter out of my life has been hard. I have so many fond memories related to the books and memories, only to have them tainted by the hatred Rowling would later spew. There are phrases in references that have embedded themselves into my vocabulary so much that I say them without thinking. There are times when I wish I could easily just slip back into that world where I could read fanfiction and look forward to going to the theme park in Orlando, or buy fun fan-made merch on Etsy. But that’s gone.

J.K. Rowling has done immeasurable harm to the trans community. For as difficult as it has been for me to do away with Harry Potter, I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be a trans fan, to have your very existence denied by someone who once was such a bright light, and then to see lingering hatred suddenly be given a very big, very loud voice. To be called either helpless and confused and unable to make the right decisions about my own body, or to be called a predator and a rapist and a threat to women. Yes, her opinions align with those of the Nazis. She wants to eliminate trans people from existence. And that doesn’t even begin to cover the blood Rowling has on her hands after the murder of Brianna Ghey.

Giving up on Harry Potter fucking sucks. It’s something I used to truly love, and I hate letting it go, but it’s something I have to do, because it is simply the right thing to do. There is no half-assing it, you can’t somehow undo purchasing Hogwarts: Legacy by donating to a trans charity. You have to cut the tumor out completely, or else it will grow and metastasize.

Goodbye, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Hogwarts.

FUCK YOU, J.K. ROWLING.

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livrere-green · 12 days

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I'm response to @mylu comment on this post:

thanks for asking, now deal with me

Premise: when you fall in love with someone you tend to unconsciously put them on a pedestal, highlighting their best qualities —and unconsciously overlooking the others—; however, sometimes such standards are way too high because they're the result of you excessively idealizing another human to almost perfection. I'm not saying edwin did this overnight or at extremes, but probably it started happening at some point within the thirty years they have known each other, and edwin wasn't even aware of what was happening in his head, that's for sure.

Explanation: what I'm trying to say is that probably charles was aware of edwin expecting something from him. I mean he didn't take that as edwin being in love with him but just as his only friend believing in him and his capacity to be the persona he had been carefully handcrafting, so he kept going with it, being the kind, brave, sunshine character, and don't get me wrong, he is all those good things (but there's more in him yk?)

the truly funny thing about this id that i don't think that mask was perfect, I think there were cracks here and there, but they weren't as noticeable as what happened after the devlin's case —and crystal wasn't there to break the news to both of them about reality— maybe charles actions were passed as excusable or even reasonable by edwin himself.

perhaps charles did some violent shit when he couldn't deal with his anger and edwin thought that it was just the force needed to save them both from a dangerous situations or solve a case, and then, charles learned to use all sorts of weapons because deep down he was still feeling in danger and probably edwin though that he was just being dedicated with their job —and good and strong and smart and just trying to keep them safe from all the dangerous creatures out there— [corrected cause I made a mistake here] (...)

did this in such an unconscious way that when crystal told him about charles and what was happening with him, he had to stop for a second and restart his brain to re-evaluate all the moments within the past thirty years.

and don't get me wrong, facing charles' bad side was not about to make edwin love him any less... If something, the pain, suffering, anger and trauma were not about to erase their feelings, but the contrary, being truth to one another is what ends up reinforcing their relationship.

#liv rambles #dead boy detectives #charles rowland #edwin payne #edwin x charles #edwin paine #dbo #paineland #payneland

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oneknightstand-if · 2 months

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OK ok I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO GET ADRIAN TO REFER TO ME BY "HIS LOVE" !I always pick the stalker route then attempt to give him mixed signals and work my way to his heart with mc full knowing that he is a stalker,maybe that's it? If so,is there any other way for the mc to realize he is a stalker without choosing the stalker option?

Okay, I'm going to start combining all these "I want to have a crush on my stalker" asks together.

The a_bond crush and a_bond stalker levels are mutually exclusive. You can't get the flavor text for both of them at the same time. The closest would be flirting with Adrian while you've got the bond level set to "stalker" (which the game will acknowledge), but in that case you're not getting the crush flavor text anymore.

You need to pick the option that MC thinks Adrian is a stalker... to have the MC think that Adrian is a stalker. There's no realization here. That's just what MC thinks.

And if MC has been treating Adrian like a stalker for years, then they don't have a good relationship at the start of the game. The MC needs to actually act like they're Adrian's love to have him think that they're his love.

An MC who starts off thinking that Adrian is a stalker can still get a good relationship with him by raising their affinity throughout the rest of the game (as shown in the status menu), but Adrian's not busting out "my love" for them.

The closest would be shifting from having a crush on Adrian at the beginning to thinking he's a stalker during the re-evaluation of your relationship at the end of Chapter 1 and then still keep flirting with him. (But that means not getting the stalker flavor text for the entirety of Chapter 1 and then losing the crush flavor text after that point).

#oks-asks #oks-Adrian

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whimsical-lullaby · 27 days

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Hi! So nice to see another person who writes for Shogun on here.

Anyways, I was wondering if I could get a Yoshii Toranaga x fem reader please? I don't know what all you write in the story, but I know it will be good. Thanks! And take all the time you need, I am in no rush.

Shrivelled Blossoms

You were always a strong person who knew what to say and when to say something in the right moment. And when to keep silent and re-evaluate words and tones that needed to be input in a conversation, whether serious or not. So, what happened today? You just... froze. A word you're so sure isn't even in your vocabulary.

Your friends warned that this would be a serious case to handle and you prepared for it every possible way you could. And when it came, you tackled it in every direction.

'It's not cheese and sprinkles, being a lawyer.' Your father would say. This field of work was hard but you weren't about to lie to yourself, that it didn't build you up as a person.

Entering the train, you took a seat and then texted your friends, telling them you were on the subway. Honestly, it was a miracle you even made it this far! What with the many shots of saké you shared with your friends, that you yourself couldn't remember the exact number.

Your childhood friends who still lived in Osaka texted you after work, when you were curled up on your couch and in your Disney pajamas, contemplating whether to do a Disney marathon starting with Pirates of the Caribbean or just continue binging the last episode of Demon Slayer. They invited you to a girls' night out to cheer you up and you were too nice to decline as much as you were anticipating the latter.

Plus, you thought that it would be nice to catch up after some time you three were caught up in your hectic careers.

Now you wanted nothing more than to plop on your bed and let the drowsiness take you to a peaceful slumber. The hangover can be dealt with once you wake up.

But still, thoughts of the court case resurfaced once more. It's to be expected, as you were an over-achiever ever since you could remember.

It wasn't so much as failing the case and bringing failure to your family name... Well, just a tad bit on that part. But the rest, you wanted to fight for someone so passionately and effortlessly. The dejected look your client gave you made you want to shrivel up and find a place to hide and never come out. But time waits for no one and this wasn't the last case you had. However, you viewed it as your big break.

What a waste, you thought as you contemplated appealing. However that thought was soon demolished by the fear of making a fool of your client and yourself so you just let it rest.

You were so caught up in your internal conflict that you didn't hear the intercom announcement. When you lifted your head up, you realized every passenger was gone and the train was moving once more. Shit.

Clicking your phone open, you immediately went to the phone tracker app only to stare dumbfounded at the moving point from your stop. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!"

You stood up hastily and turned your head to the right. Was it even possible to get ahold of the conductor? You didn't know but you would try. As you took your first steps, the lights flickered just for a millisecond and it went on once more.

A part of you furiously fought off the whispers in your ears of the urban legends of riding a train at night. You weren't big on scary stuff but you grew up mostly with your grandparents so you were a tad bit superstitious.

Gulping hard, you beelined for the front door, hoping that no ghosts or spirits will claim your soul. The train is probably old, it might need a few things checked up. That's why the lights are flickering, your voice of reason was there to calm you down as usual. It's nothing!

Those movies are unrealistic! How could the character's brains function properly when they are stuck in unsettling situation while you are struggling to open a damn door? Despite your voice of reason, your mind kept traversing back to those camp stories and deep down, you thought that a spirit of a bear would maul you. Why the fuck would a bear be doing in a subway station? You're not thinking clearly!

At some point, you managed to pry the sliding door open and enter the pilot's compartment. The air was knocked out of your lungs as the train violently shook from side to side but you managed to grab onto something to stable you. What the fuck is going on?

Losing balance, you fell to the floor and a dull thud filled your ears before it was replaced by a white noise that viscously stung.

The last thing your blackening vision saw was red liquid pooling on the metal floors of the subway train.

...

Furrowing your eyebrows, you blinked your disoriented eyes open, trying to adjust to the light seeping through the room. Room?

Examining the room you were in, you spotted no doors. Only three mahogany wooden doors and a traditional screen door.

You shut your eyes, trying not to panic. Trying to remember how you got here. Your head feels foggy, temples throbbing as you sort through vague memories.

The court case. Night out with friends, few shots of saké, maybe more since you didn't remember the number. The subway. Missing your stop. The light's flickering on and off. The earthquake.

And then ... nothing.

You can't remember.

Your eyes fly open and you take comfort in the feeling of being fully clothed. But it's not your clothes. Glancing down at the unfamiliar outfit. A simple teal kosode. It felt comfortable ... but it still unsettled you - the fact that someone could have undressed you. You hoped and prayed it was a woman, at the very least.

As you sat up, shutting your eyes as you listened to the ache in your head. Opening them once more, observing your new surroundings.

It looked to be one of those traditional homes. There were no windows. Light passed through the paper of the shoji screen. It kind of reminded you of that traditional Airbnb you stayed in for a night with your mom. There were no modern appliances like air-conditioning or heaters. It looked plain.

Your eyes found your sneakers, next to your neatly folded clothes. But your handbag was no where to be seen. I've been robbed, was your first thought and then pieced together the puzzle. And you concluded you were kidnapped and they confiscated your handbag.

Your heart leaps into your throat as it becomes clear that you need to get the hell out of here.

Wobbling as you slowly got up, your bare feet brushed along the tatami mat, taking your clothes and sneakers in your hands, ambling your way towards the shoji screen. You dropped your shoes and pulled the sliding door to the left and you were met with shocked brown eyes staring back at you.

"Miss, you shouldn't be up and about with your injury!" The young woman gasped.

"Who are you and where am I?" Your hoarse voice croaked and felt scorching in your throat due to screaming for dear life in the train.

"I am Lady Toda Mariko," she introduce and from the corner of your eye, you saw two women shuffling in the room. One carried a bowel of water and a towel, the other carried what looked to be a neatly folded kosode. "I am instructed to bring you to My Lord once you regain consciousness."

"Your Lord?" You echoed and your eyes widen. "Jesus Christ? Am .. Am I in heaven?"

Lady Mariko blinked momentarily before laughing softly. "No, I assure you, you are very much alive. And seem to be doing well than yesterday. You are in Ajiro village and I've been instructed to bring you to My Lord, Toranaga-sama."

....

You had been out of place.

Exotic, is one word Toranaga could describe you and quite frankly the only word he could find in his mind after last night's events. His brother had betrayed him, his brash son drove himself to his death trying to avoid an already fixed fate. And just a few feet way from Nagakado's lifeless body was you.

An unconscious young woman, half drowning in a pond filling up with crimson blood. Sustaining an injury to your head that he requested should be treated by a skilled healer.

Hiromatsu thought you were an assassin or a spy who was caught up in the wrong place and time. Why else were you there? You were just so out of place. Upon closer inspection, you were anything but.

They confiscated your bag and searched for any weapon you might be concealing but found.. strange, peculiar things instead. Yet nothing threatening.

Scrutinizing you now in a different light, his thoughts were concluded.

Silence.

That was Toranaga's tactic. He waited to see who would speak first. And judging by how your eyes travelled everywhere in the room, unable to meet his. You were shifty, and you needed to fill the silence quickly.

Very simple, that's what you were. But definitely non-threatening. Unless your true self was hidden well behind a facade. Now that was a different story and he would soon find out.

You did not know how many centimeters your forehead was to the floor, or how many degrees you were bowing. Once you were presentable as so Lady Mariko deemed you to be, you were led to a relatively spacious room by two men in samurai haircuts and made to kneel before this person she had referred to him as her Lord, Yoshii Toranaga.

Behind Toranaga was a Tokoma which displayed an impressive samurai armer and a part of you thought the production crew really had the budget to pull off even the smallest detail.

"Hello-"

"Who are you?" He asked.

"Me? My name is Y/N." You answered. Silence dragged on again and it became unbearable so you filled it. "Is this a movie set?"

"A what?"

"I was just assuming... where are you hiding the cameras?" The two men shared a glance and you were starting to get annoyed that they were beating around the bush.

You desperately wanted an ibuprofen to sooth your headache and call a doctor to check if you didn't sustain any brain injury. Yes, you were grateful for their assistance whilst you were unconscious but you wanted nothing more than to go home.

"Look. There's been a huge misunderstanding here." You say, the tension reverberates in your throat as the words came out in a petty croak.

"Where are you from?" Toranaga asks.

"I am from Tokyo."

The lord hesitated, not knowing of a place by the name of Tokyo but ventured on. "And tell me. What were you doing in the middle of last night's squabble?" You blinked at his question, not knowing what to say.

"You mean the train incident?" You trekked, not sure to what he was alluding. "I was distracted and missed my stop so the train continued on it's journey."

"What are you saying?" It was the man on the other end of the room who spoke. Lady Mariko told you he was Toranaga's right-hand man, Hiromatsu. "Speak plainly."

Breathing out through your nose, you collected yourself. Opening your mouth to speak, you were cut off by the old man. "Are you an assassin sent by Ishidō?" He accuses.

"No."

"A spy?"

Your eyes bulged at the mere thought of doing that. "Jesus Christ. No!"

"Then explain this weapon." Toranaga placed your phone in front of him. "One of my Koshō took it from your bag and it's light burned his eyes."

Mouth agape, you couldn't fandom the craziness of this situation. What hell did I step into? You wondered inwardly.

"That's because he turned it on. Don't you know what a phone is?"

Toranaga and Hiromatsu stared at you as if you had grown two heads. You hated that it made you look stupid, in front of these serious-looking men. It reminded you of your years in college and some classmates never thought you would make it as a lawyer because you were too sensitive.

Seeing this was going no where, you played along with their game. Method actors, you reasoned with yourself. Perhaps you are in a movie set, set in feudal Japan ... based on their clothing and the extraordinary built set.

Surprisingly, they came to a conclusion and believed you. Toranaga allowed a roof over your head as a guest in his Edo castle until he figured out what he should do with you. You felt like a burden to him and you hated that.

Adjusting for you wasn't so much of a problem. You had a great teacher. Lady Mariko was very patient with you and explained everything you needed to know, that coupled with you were a fast learner, took you farther.

However, in some places you felt restricted. Like the many layers you had to carry when you wear your kimono, or the way you had to shuffle your feet all the time when you walked. Sometimes when you made sure no one was around you, you walked the normal way you did. Screw grace and elegance .. at certain times, that is.

Thankfully you would be going home pretty soon. Toranaga and his entourage were marching to Edo, present day Tokyo.

The lord's brows furrowed as he silently watched you raise your arm in different directions, clutching your magic box in your palm. Muttering something about 'no reception' in a groan.

You were a strange thing. But tolerable.

Upon arriving in Edo, you stopped on your tracks, no longer trailing behind the foot soldiers. He wondered what shocked you...

Continuing to observe your body language, you were now keeping to yourself as your eyes scanned the still thriving city of Edo.

A few days went by as Nagakado's funeral arrived all too quickly and he was staying within the walls of his castle, intent on having time to himself to process these emotions on his own. From afar, he gazed at the smoke drawing up to the sky - the fire that would turn his son's remains into ashes. He needed to distract his thoughts before grief took over. Weakness was never an option.

However, he's mind kept coming back to you. The lord noticed he rarely saw you. He began taking note of your routine. On most occasions, you spent your time in the gardens or by the pond. One time he caught you drawing something on the sand, and the gardener fumed at his ruined work.

Upon inquiry, you told him you drew what you explained as a stickman in an aeroplane, flying back to his home. You missed home ... yet you said Edo was your home. That confused him tremendously.

Requesting a maidservant to invite you to dine with him. Toranaga raised his brows upon receiving the response. "My Lord, she declined your invitation."

Nodding, the maid took her departure. Letting out a breath, he humbly sought you out.

The maids were flocking around you with towels in their hands, lecturing your ear off but you heard nothing. You weren't thinking straight as you sat under the rain. Perhaps a part of you was trying to reach God somehow by asking to end this dreadful nightmare. Reality hit you like a bus, the days were moving and you slowly came into realization that you were stuck, in the past.

Thoughts about your parents and family invaded Would they miss you too much? Would they think you were dead if they searched high and low and couldn't find your body? You began to recalling your grandmother's funeral .. all those sorrowful faces looking up at you, voices giving you and your family condolences. Would that be the same for you as well?

You were unable fathom why .. why this happened to you?

Was this to be your reality?

Drowning in your depressive thoughts, you hadn't noticed Lord Toranaga enter the threshold of your room, requesting the maids to leave you both.

Advancing towards you, he stood in front of you with furrowed brows confusion. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm not going home, am I?" My bottom lip trembled as your heart swelled, feeling tears fill up your eyes.

Feeling a warm finger under your chin, he brought your eyes to meet his. A warm smile settled on his lips. "I do not know how or what brought you here, Y/N. But everyone has a fate, perhaps being here is your fate."

You blinked away the tears, sniffling lightly. "But..but why?" Hot tears fell down your cheeks. "My life was just beginning, I was starting to make my parents proud of me, I was starting to find my footing in my career... There is nothing for me here."

As much as you wanted to appear strong all the time, you broke down. Everything you've ever worked hard for is gone and now you were forced to start life anew, in a time not of your own, with new people.

When she sobbed, Toranaga's body went froze, not knowing what to do. He wasn't accustomed to a woman crying in front of him, most woman he knew had learned to stiffen their lips and march on with their pain carefully hidden away.

Hesitantly, he brought you in an embrace, shocking himself as well. But was relieved as you didn't pull away, deciding to lay your head on his chest.

Not knowing how to comfort her any further, he decided to just listen. Inviting her to dine with him in his private quarters and just listened to how she grew up in the year 21st century.

Toranaga had found you infuriating at first.

You were a disagreeable woman with a sharp tongue and quick-witted mind. And he almost lost his words around you. Almost, being the key word. Brazen, just like his son and everyone else in his circle, you wanted him to fight.

He didn't know if you were stupid or too bold for your own good. Such matters needed to be handled tactically, that's what he told you one night as you dined together, getting to know you better. In hope of steering your mind away from the conversation.

And then you told him of your position as a lawyer.

Toranaga appreciate your willingness to fight for people you personally did not know, whom you addressed as 'clients'. He liked your spirit of having to give someone else a voice to speak their thoughts aloud, maybe that's what made you so fearless.

Daresay he wanted to believe you. That you came from the distant future. A world so extraordinary with tall buildings that reached for the heavens, flying steel dragons that flew across the sky from one country the other, horseless carriages that cruised through the streets. Such a world was out of his imagination.

That was when you showed him your rectangle magic box that glows brilliantly with a switch of a button, which stored countless moments in time called 'pictures'.

It stored pictures of you and the people closest to you in life. Places you've been to, your achievements. Every picture had a story. Most them were of you goofing around and you giggled at those, showing him a part of your character, a carefree soul. That was when he started believing you. This truth was solidified after he asked and you told him of growing up in a unified Japan. Toranaga gleamed softly. For he too wished to live in that reality with no wars, losses and betrayals.

Your reality seemed like a tranquil heaven he wished to bask and his heart shattered when he saw that look in your eyes when you finish telling him of your home. It was like a tide going out and it went out slowly... how he desperately wanted he could stop it surprised him.

You told him of how Japan was so beautifully broken. Your words were like a melodic poem to his ears. Narrating of the cycles earthquakes and hurricanes that destroy homes, the losses. Yet everytime, there still is that slight strength to keep standing up defiantly, rebuilding what was once broken. "That's what makes Japan unique," you told him.

That was something you both agreed on.

Daresay, he found himself distracted by you at times. Him of all people, distracted by a woman, no less. That was unheard of. Such feelings were hazardous ... but he was audacious enough to act on them one morning he made up his mind.

Toranaga found you standing on the engawa, overlooking the serenely pitter pattering rain.

It was like you sensed his presence because your body never stiffened this time when you both crossed each other. You were relaxed and just like at last night's dinner, you were free to speak your thoughts without hesitation.

"I've given myself time to think about it, what you said." A sigh escaped your slightly parted lips and they settled in a serene thin line which was half a smile. "It's not so bad when you get used to it."

Honestly, you began to think this whole thing was a vacation. A long needed vacation - you would adjust. Maybe you're starting to, maybe it'll take some time.

Peering up at the Lord, you saw what you could make out as a soft smile. It wasn't all the way to his eyes - perhaps one day you would have the pleasure to see that miracle. "I have given myself time to think, as well." He shifted to observe the garden and his brows furrowed in the slightest, as if contemplating his words. "I want you by my side."

"As what?" You quarried. "If you want to know the details of what happens in Japan's history, I don't know Jack shit, I'm sorry."

Toranaga chuckles. "Fate has many things fixed for us as a people. The heavens would have sent you anywhere in Japan but they brought you to my path ... And I'd be honored to have you by my side."

It was a lie. You knew exactly what happens in Japan's history. What kind of person does not know their country's history? You always stood by the law. The laws of physics, the laws of science, the natural law. It wouldn't hurt to break the laws of time travel, would it?

If these feelings were true and they ran deeper than what you ancipated ... you would help him win this war, so that you sustain the head on your shoulders and stay by his side.

Giving him a brilliant smile to his earnest words, you reply. "I'd be honored to be by your side, too."

There were many preparations Toranaga needed to settle for the next days to come, and today he would go to his son's final place. And thank him. Both he and his trusted friend, Hiromatsu.

And then ... Crimson Sky would commence.

But for now, he drank delight in this peaceful reprieve, observing the nostalgic drizzle of the rain with you by his side.

#shōgun 2024 #fx shogun #Toranaga x female reader #yoshii toranaga

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lolasimms · 1 year

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a lots gonna change pt.8

Summary: Married life isn’t great, infidelity ensues, and things change.

next part

I need to know if we’re team Abby or Ellie?

"Hi, this is Y/n...leave a message"

She had called your phone at least 30 times in the past 3 hours. She was sorry, she was scared and she just wanted her family back. The house felt hollow, the sound of laughter had died, the light had dissipated and along with it, the happiness had gone. She had gotten multiple voicemails from Paige and Vic asking what had happened, but she didn't have the energy to re-live it, to retell it. It hurt her so much to see the look on your face, the tears in your eyes, your urgency to leave the house and get away from her. But she knew if it was this bad for her, how much worse was it for you?

"Come here, oh my god, come here"

Dina pulls you into a tight hug, as she cries with you. She had instructed Jesse to take Lila upstairs to play with Jj, as she knew you wouldn't have wanted your daughter to see you in such a state. A state of vulnerability and heartache, as you mourned the end of your relationship. You told her everything, from their hotel meetups, office hookups, the lies, all of it. Dina was left bewildered by it all, she honestly looked like she could kill Ellie herself.

"I'm so scared Dina, I- what's going to happen to us, to Lila?"

You frantically ask, as you continue to sob into the poor woman's shirt, she however didn't mind as she held you tightly against her and soothingly rubbed your back. Without her reassurance and comfort you weren't sure you would've been able to cope.

"Don't worry about that right now, Lila's okay. Right now you need to think about yourself Y/n."

Her words are stern and you look up to glance at her eyes. She's dead serious , but you can't help but object. "Dina , I cant, it's selfish an-" You're cut off when she begins to shake her head and interrupts your rebuttal.

"It's not selfish at all, you love her and she broke your heart, you need time to reflect and think about the decisions you are going to have to make Y/n. Think about Lila, whatever you decide in the next coming weeks will impact her"

You sniffle lowly, evaluating her wise words. Deep down, you knew what she meant, what she was insinuating when she talked about the "decisions" you would have to make in the coming weeks. An allusion to the inevitable custody discussions you and Ellie were bound to have in the event that you went through with a separation.

"I just can't Dina, it hurts so bad,why wasn't I enough?"

You sob, another case of tears spring free, the lump in your throat beginning to feel like a clump of granite that was scratching against the surface of your oesophagus. You weren't even sure how the tears still came in, deep down it felt as though there were no more tears you could possibly shed. Yet every time you pictured the intimate photos, text messages and logs of calls between your wife and that woman, your heart broke a little more.

"You are enough, she was just too selfish to see that, you deserve so much better" Dina's only resort Is to console you, as she knows nothing else will work. The two of you sit in the small nook by the window in a warm embrace, you are interrupted by Jesse who tentatively enters from the corner with a soft knock.

"Y/n, you've got a call" he says lowly, strings of sympathy can be detected from his voice, and you lift yourself from Dina's chest to thank him and accept the phone from him. The contact reads Joel, and your heart once again shatters, the thought of having to explain it to the only other father figure, aside from your own that you ever had. You excuse yourself to Dina and Jesses brightly lit up alfresco to take your phone call.

"Hello?" You say, trying your best to abstain from breaking out into a rough sob.

"Honey, what happened, are you okay, where are you and Lila?" He asks urgently, his voice sounds as though he too had been crying.

"We're okay, I'm at Dina's, did you talk to her?" You ask, voice just above a whisper.

"I did, she's such a fool, I cant believe she would do such a thing, Y/n I truly can't express how sorry I am" his tone is strong, seemingly angered by the thoughts of Ellie's infidelity.

"You don't have to apologise, this isn't your doing" you clutch the phone tighter, in an attempt to be closer to him, he clears his throat, and you can here the hesitance in his voice when he asks you "Are you... are you going to take her away from us?" Your already broken heart, breaks just a little bit more and you earnestly shake your head, as if he were here with you.

"No, of course not Joel, I would never do that to you, Lila loves you... and her"

"Why don't the both of you come stay with me for now?"

—

"Y/n, Dina and I are more than happy to have you and Lila stay here if you need, we're always here for you" Jesse says as he hands a sleeping, Lila to you. Dina nods as JJ lay's awake in her arms, the two of them walking you to the door.

"Thank you so much, the both of you. I think we'll stay at Joel's for a while, just until we figure everything out" They nod and you wave them good bye as you slowly place the sleeping child into her booster seat.

The drive to Joel's is quiet, the soft snores of your daughter lull you into relaxation, this car ride being the most tranquil part of the last 24 hours. Once you arrive at Joel's he's out the door and immediately holding on to you while muttering "sorry"

You hated that he thought any of this was his fault, even worse that he thought you would in any way blame him for Ellie's actions. The room he had given you was simple, yet effective. It housed a queen sized bed, just enough to fit you and Lila, a desk, a chair, a lamp and a wall littered in floral wallpaper. It wasn't anything like your home, but you were more than thankful that both you and your daughter were being taken care of. After settling the still sleeping toddler into bed, you decided you were due a long hot shower.

The white shirt that she'd been wearing was stained, mainly from her tears and a few lone drips of whiskey that had dribbled down her chin. She was splayed out on the floor of her daughters now empty nursery, a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels sat besides her. Her hair had fallen out of her neat ponytail and her head was throbbing with a migraine.

Ellie had decided to call Joel again, after having him give her the nastiest talking to she could remember since she was a teen just a few hours earlier.He begrudgingly answered, informing her that her daughter and y/n were staying with him temporarily. She couldn't help but feel a weight being lifted off her shoulders. She would've much preferred that the two of you return home to her but she knew you needed time. Being with Joel was much better than being somewhere where she couldn't reach you at all.

She took the time away from you to reflect, to really think about what she had done. But more importantly she reflected on what was to come from her infidelity. She didn't know if you were done with this relationship, she hoped you weren't, but alas even she couldn't forgive herself. So how could you?She contemplated on calling Amelia, asking her to come over, but she realised that it was a stupid idea. She hated her, she had ruined everything and taken away the two people she loved most. Ellie wanted answers, she needed to know if you would stay with her, she needed you to stay with her.

The glass enclosing the shower was covered in steam, the hot water cascaded down your body, as you let your tears flow down freely. You let your mind go blank for just a few seconds, trying your best to forget about everything that was going on in your life, even if it was only just for a second. You were brought back to reality when the water began to turn cold. You quickly pushed the tap closed and grabbed the towel that Joel had so graciously given you. Wrapping yourself into its warmth and glancing at the mirror that was now coated in condensation. You looked a mess, you eyes were red and your face puffy from all the crying, you promised yourself you'd get some sleep tonight.

You made your way back into the bedroom and caught a glimpse of your baby's sleeping form. So innocent and pure, you felt sick knowing you would have to make a decision that could possibly negatively impact her. You wondered how Ellie did it for those whole 5 months, how she managed to sleep at night knowing she was betraying this innocent child. Slowly you lifted the comforter as to not wake up Lila and made your way into bed. You tried to sleep but the images of Amelia and Ellie kept popping up into your brain. The ones where she had her head on Ellie's chest as she peacefully slept, the ones where she stood half-naked in the mirror as she held her from behind and the photos of the extensive gifts she had gotten her. You wanted to erase your memories, you wished that you could wake up to find that all of this was just a bad dream. That the woman you loved hadn't broken her vows. You placed your headphones in your ears, your last resort being music, and wrapped your arm protectively over your daughter as you slowly managed to drift off to sleep, the lyrics of each song fading, the closer you got to sleep.

You called in sick on Monday and Tuesday while ignoring the extensive texts from Ellie. She called you at-least 4 times a day, texted you endlessly, she even tried coming over to Joel's but he very strictly warned her that as long as you weren't comfortable with it, he couldn't let her in. You had informed your sister and mother begrudgingly, thanks to Joel's insistence.

They were livid, which was to be expected and your sister had already booked a ticket to come and see you. All in all it was hardest on you to see the way your daughter was coping, just four days without Ellie and she would ask non-stop about her. She was snappy and refused to let you get anything done, it didn't help that all you wanted to do was sit in your bed and cry. You were lucky enough to have a friend like Dina, who had insisted to have Lila over for a few days at hers, to give you time to cry it out and think.

You wore a pair of dark sunglasses, an oversized deftones hoodie that had belonged to Ellie and a pair of sweatpants that didn't fit you right. The hood was pulled over to cover your wild curls that you hadn't dealt with in days. You looked a mess and honestly didn't care who did or didn't see you, as you pushed a cart around the supermarket.

"Y/n? A voice calls out to you as you're browsing the produce section. You silently groan and turn to make out the voice coming from behind you. When you come face to face with Abby who's carrying a crate of San Pellegrino sparkling water.

"Ellie?" Her name being called out and the rough knocks at the door startled her as she jumped off the couch. She couldn't bear sleeping in your shared room without you, so she had taken residency in the living room for the past four days. No matter how hard she had tried to get in contact with you, nothing worked. Not to mention the fact that Joel wouldn't let her see you. She understood she needed to respect your boundaries but she was growing tired.

As she made her way to the front door a part of her hoped it was you who was out there. Holding your daughter in your arms and ready to come back home and be a family again. To her dismay when she opened the door she was met with Satan herself.

"Ellie, I missed you" Amelia says as she flings her arms around Ellie's neck and attempts to kiss her.

Ellie firmly removes Amelia from her and steps away. The blonde is seemingly confused by Ellie's actions and immediately goes red with rage.

"You can't be here right now Amelia, please for your own good, leave." Ellie's arms are crossed in defence, she would no longer tolerate the crazinesses. She had lost too much from this affair and couldn't bare the thought of you coming back to see her here.

"What do you mean I can't be here right now?" Amelia growls as she steps closer to the door, she's now inches away from Ellie and seething.

"This is our home now, we're meant to be together, we love each other" she's now tightly holding onto Ellie's shoulders, her acrylic nails digging so deep that they would surely leave marks.

"No we're not, you told Y/n fair enough. But I don't plan on letting her go that easily. I apologise for how I treated you Amelia okay? But we just can't be together" Ellie removes her hands once more and attempts to close the door.

"Your apology means nothing to me, you don't understand the mistake you're making" with that she turns and angrily stomps towards her car that was parked further down the street. Ellie shakes her head in disbelief and heads back into the house.

I hadn't seen you at work for two days, I was worried" Abby says as she helps you load your groceries into your car. You shut the trunk and make your way over to grab the trolley. You push it back to the trolley station and she follows behind you.

"Yeah well, I'm sick" you lie as you firmly return the trolley and then walk back to your car.

"You don't look sick" she removes your sunglasses and you groan in annoyance.

"What the fuck was that for?" You turn to look at her as she searches your face.

"Have you been crying?" She holds your face in her hands and you pull away before she can jump to any conclusions.

"No, just mind your business" you try reaching for your car door but she's opened it for you, standing in between it to prevent you from shutting it closed.

"You know aside from all the petty shit between Ellie and I, I actually care about you Y/n" for the first time her tone sounds sincere and you don't sense any hints of malice.

"Ellie had an affair, happy?" You blurt out and look away, not wanting to see the sympathetic look she would give you. It would just make you feel pathetic.

"You're joking right?"

"Why would I joke about that?" You sigh, as you grab your sunglasses from her hands and place them back on. You could feel another round of tears coming in.

"How long?" She asks tentatively, trying to gauge your reaction.

"5 months" you reply meekly.

"Y/n, I don't know how anyone could cheat on you, honestly she doesn't deserve you-" you cut her off, not wanting to hear anymore of it.

"And you do?"

"What?" She sounds shocked at your quip.

"You said she doesn't deserve me, I bet you think you do"

"As a matter of fact yes, I think I do. Because I wouldn't put you through that shit. I wouldn't take you for granted."

"Abby, it's too soon for all of this, just please give me space okay?" She nods and you buckle yourself in. She remains stood in the same spot and watches as you drive away.

"Ellie?" You question as your grip tightens on your phone. You await a response but all you hear is rustling coming from the background.

"Baby? Hi" Her voice is raspy, it's as if she hadn't used it in days.

"I think we should talk" you say as you fidget with you car keys. Your eyes focused on the charms of the keychain as you swung them around.

"Yeah me too, what do you want to talk about?" Her voice slightly perks up and you feel your throat constrict as the next worlds leave your mouth.

"I think we should seperate"

taglist;

@moonlightdivine @maybe-cece @macaroni676 @sawaagyapong @katiemars @ellieseater @dakota-dream @joliettes @hebrokeimup @bratydoll @wakasaaa @catostrophiclesbian @l0v3e1i

#ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #reader x ellie williams #tlou ellie #ellie x reader #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams fic #ellie williams fluff #abby anderson x reader #reader x abby anderson #abby anderson fic

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autisticandroids · 1 year

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been listening to you're wrong about and like. okay @barren-and-trivial-words said once that on hannibal, serial killing is fundamentally considered a type of artistic pursuit. and they were right, obviously they were right. that's the basic structure almost, of the series. my favorite example is the eye sculpture serial killer where hannibal is literally like. we are situated in his gaze and he is evaluating the sculpture on artistic merit. but overall hannibal is a tv show about aestheticism and the inherent amorality of aestheticism - it is of course immoral to kill, but it is also often beautiful to kill, and shouldn't beauty outweigh morals sometimes?

and the thing is, media is... a good place to make this point. obviously because making a point is going to be in media, but the nature of hannibal as a tv show for consumption means that aesthetics will always trump morals. because the people on the show aren't real, but the beauty is, beauty does by default outweigh morals.

so hannibal kind of becomes this fascinating metatextual text on the nature of stories, or, you know, it can be read that way. because it is in the nature of all stories for beauty to outweigh morals.

but it's also a comment on the nature of serial killers as a concept. i want to link the two episodes of you're wrong about that got me thinking about this - both of these episodes are about the symbiotic relationships serial killers have with media. with fiction but even more especially with news and non-fiction. serial killers sell papers, and in fact the figure of the serial killer is kind of invented to sell papers - in one of these episodes, sarah marshall reads off a letter sent to a london paper "from" jack the ripper that was probably actually forged by a journalist to heat up the news cycle. it's very cinematic, it reads as absolutely cliche to the modern ear and maybe to the victorian one as well, but i'm sure it made the paper that printed it a lot of money.

and one of the things that i already kind of knew but was reinforced in these episodes is that most of the common knowledge that the public has about "serial killers" both in general and in specific cases is just... wrong. and that's for a lot of reasons. some of it is definitely because it's convenient for the police to have access to the figure of the mastermind serial killer for all sorts of reasons, especially to cover their own incompetence or to just pawn off unsolved cases. but also it's because the media needs sensation to sell papers, and so lurid stories of superhuman killers are just a lot tastier than some guy who murdered three women for obvious, petty reasons and also molested his stepdaughters. the public demands uniqueness, spectacle, extremity. it's not enough to bleed if you want to lead, stories have to bleed spectacularly. so the modern concept of the serial killer was built almost entirely on the back of newspapers, true crime paperbacks, and silence-of-the-lambs-alike feature films. it's not like. a real thing. it's a product of the spin factory, re-working reality into something marketable.

and hannibal lecter - the original, fava beans and a nice chianti hannibal lecter - is perhaps the height of this cultural concept, the star of the serial killer... craze? moral panic? i suppose the word is phenomenon. so it's interesting to read bryan fuller's hannibal as a kind of indulgent commentary on the existence of the newspaper-literary "serial killer" figure.

[i would also recommend ywa's episodes on ed gein, jeffrey dahmer, and the dc snipers for more perspectives on serial killers. while i'm at it you should also listen to their episodes on gangs, human trafficking, sex offenders, the satanic panic, stranger danger, and true crime, but i realize i'm kinda pushing it.]

#hannibal #you're wrong about #csa tw

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copperbadge · 1 year

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Was ruminating on your fascinating exploration of the fact that some people visualize descriptions and some don’t, when this turned up in my queue: The Curious Cases of Rutherford & Fry: The Case of the Blind Mind’s Eye. Have you listened to their science podcast? LOTS of people don’t visualize, and R&F investigate why. 😊Neurodiversity FTW! 😊

Thank you! @yee-jun recommended it as well, and I've just downloaded the episode and after a bit of listening subscribed -- always like to find new podcasts. I haven't finished listening to the episode yet but it is rather validating to know that a ton of people also have aphantasia and don't realize it. I mean, having it, I'm actually quite fine with that, although it's causing me to re-evaluate some things, but not having known that a lot of the world sees things very differently in their heads, that was throwing me for a bit of a loop.

I do a lot of thinking, these days, about the ways in which I was different, as a kid, from most of the other kids around me. Not in a bad way really, just like "Oh...this is why that was the way it was." Like when I was ten or eleven our teacher would spend about an hour each day reading aloud to us (usually classic YA novels; I think we did a couple of Wizard of Oz books and maybe some Boxcar Children?) and I always needed something else to be doing because I found it so understimulating. Usually I was allowed to do a handcraft of some kind because otherwise I Caused Problems. I mean they were really imaginative problems, like inventing silent games to play that the teacher couldn't see while reading, but they were still Problems. Letting me make friendship bracelets while I listened was so much easier on everyone.

At the time I thought it was impatience because I could read so much faster than anyone reading aloud would be able to; I understood that other kids sometimes struggled with reading so I knew the purpose of the Reading Aloud Hour was to get kids who weren't interested in reading a bit of literary culture. But looking back, my impatience was almost definitely that all my friends were sitting there getting a little movie in their heads, and I was just there like "I am bored by the slow words and ADHD makes the boredom intolerable, fight me."

#sam has adhd #an aphantasia fantasia

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stoopid-turtle · 7 months

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moar made-up thoughts about dd's thoughts

Some of the replies on my previous post left me re-evaluating, and I don't know that I was incredibly effective at what I meant to communicate (honestly, that is really frustrating for me). So I just want to clarify and maybe add some context.

I assume it goes without saying that everybody in turtleland adores dd and gg and that we think dd is a sweetie-pie (I can't conceive of being a turtle without that belief). And as a group, dd and gg's sweet moments get highlighted a lot, which I adore. These posts I have on dd are more about stuff I don't see discussed quite as much and they're not meant to encapsulate all that dd is because, wow that's a lot. For the previous post, I'd been thinking a lot about dd's mentality and how he approaches things, as seen in SDC, because his captaining style seems really distinct in a way I wanted to dig into.

Honestly, we've known dd for years at this point, and he's grown and changed throughout that time. He's been influenced by gg and by other friends and mentors. And like most people, how he acts is variable and dependent on context.

I do think dd was sometimes thoughtless when younger, but I don't think that's anything out of the ordinary for his age at the time, and I think he's grown out of it. In any case, it was never mean-spirited. Still, I think the way he expresses his feelings is pretty reserved and that he's not incredibly prone to sentimental gestures, like the gifts he sent Yang Kai. I think he can be thoughtful in that he's responsive when people indicate what they want, but I don't think he's the type to think up a gift idea on his own. Given that Yang Kai actually knows the guy and said as such, I don't think it's too far off-base to say that. I honestly think he probably gets help from gg with that sort of stuff, and he's likely to have gotten better at it as a result. But dd has never struck me as a sentimental guy.

(though with the captain gifts, I have no idea the logistics of how those worked, and I suspect, like most things on reality shows, that production assistants helped with suggestions and such)

I think he's a fantastic captain! I don't think I said that, because it's one of those things I assume goes without saying, especially as it's often said as such in turtledom. I think even back to Produce 101 when he was mentoring the young girls who were fawning over him. He did the cutesy dance with them to support them, even though he hates being cutesy (and bless him for it. That dance is a gift (and led to cute bts moments of gg poking fun at dd)). He's passionate about dance and he's passionate about helping other people improve (and learning from others). Dancers want to join his team because of that passion, and because dd just has a natural talent for it that is incredibly inspiring.

But he does like winning. He explicitly said as much himself. And that one episode I highlighted where his team lost is pretty tense. The rehearsals were tense, the performance was tense, dd's response to everything was tense. During one round, his team only gets 4 votes compared to, like 40 for the other team. I can't recall the score ever being so lopsided, especially when the losing team is full of top-tier dancers.

And dd's behavior then is incredibly relatable to me. He laughs about it, joking about how he only got 4 votes. But it's the laugh you get when you're really unhappy and kinda embarrassed but trying to keep a good, positive face on things (or at least, that's a strategy I have for those moments, and given dd's switch to serious-times when he's doing the team debrief, I think he's somewhat similar).

And dd recovers well. He has a debrief with his team. He talks to Han Geng about what his team is lacking (they specifically talk about his team performance not being thematic like the others) and realizes they need a choreographer to pull everything together and give them direction. And the very first round of recruitment, he gets a choreographer for them.

I don't think dd only likes winning. The reference to "not here to make friends" thing was a bit of rhetorical exaggeration for fun. Like I noted, he makes friends. He learns a lot and he mentors a lot, and that's definitely a big part of the draw for SDC for him. And while dd never intentionally cultivates a family atmosphere (as opposed to the other captains who explicitly tell their team that they're like a family), they come together like a family anyway. But he still likes winning, and I think he has trouble enjoying everything else as much if he's not winning.

It's not a bad thing to be competitive like that (I once got into a fight with my wife because I kept losing in thumb wars against her. I personally know when competitiveness becomes stupid). DD has a passionate drive to succeed. This is how he's managed to excel at basically everything he tries (except cooking). I think way back to the auditions in SDC 3, when dd impresses his group by being savvy about street dance gestures (like the plagiarism gesture) and by knowing how to appeal to dancers (by having them warm up with some freestyling). He quickly overcomes any doubts the dancers have based on his idol background by being genuine, sincere, and passionate and that's why people want to join his team.

*rereads all this* Hmmmm...feedback and replies are good. This is a better post.

Also, this judge is the one who always says nice things about dd. He's said at one point that dd has an extraordinary natural talent for dance even among professional dancers. He's right and he should say it. Best judge. A+ I hope they keep bringing him on.

#bjyx #yizhan #in this house we use a lot of words #the first photo i put in this tumblr and it's some random white dude wtf me #dd would def roll his eyes at alla this #still an honor

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