#also before someone says something like i should have known or why i didnt know

[abba-cchio]

i started writing a lil bit of a fanfic after like, FOREVER today and only now did i realize i should probably search up the characters ages and fUCK ONE OF THEM IS A MINOR AHHHHHHH

I JUST GOT BACK INTO WRITING THIS SUCKSSSS

#also before someone says something like i should have known or why i didnt know #it was a fanfic for a afk mobile game #there is lore but they def dont go into specific ages #i had to look on the wiki #the reason i wanted to write this fic too was bc they r two of my fav characters in the gameee :( #i dont know what to do now #the draft will prob sit forgotten in my google docs half done lmao #dragons post

[ardourie]

ok cool ig im name dropping then, u are literally making up headcanons about me based on fucking nothing, i didn’t exclusively focus on the flaws of white trans people over cis white people if u actually read anything i posted instead of believing anons randomly accusing me of things you’d see my only issue is white people like YOU because you are white

watering down the impact of racism and pretending that it isn’t as harmful when coming from queer people as if being queer is an inherently purifying or redeemable action, this website is overwhelmingly trans, our circles are majority trans, getting into disagreements with trans people on here is going to happen bc of how many queer people there are on this platform, if the only people you claim i harassed are users like ratliker i don’t want to fucking hear it, i’ve been having people call me a terf for years bc of standing up to her racism and black genocide denial, every single fucking time someone on here does something racist and a brown person points it out ppl around you run to call them transphobic, like ur doing right now! the second sentence of her post literally says i deserve to be called a terf for just talking about the racism happening on the poll, she said that HERSELF

i said hussie has done racist acts and has racism in their comic, that doesn’t make hussie evil or fans of it evil it just means we should actually acknowledge its there and not have viral post going around claiming that none of what hussie did was that bad bc they’re trans and if ur bothered by it ur automatically transphobic, as if that isn’t an incredibly fucked up thing to say, bc u said that urself on ur blog multiple times, here’s my original and ONLY post that made someone go and tell plaidos i sent death threats when that wasn’t remotely what i was saying

plaidos posted this ask that immediately had ppl in my inbox calling me a terf and bigot for harassing a trans girl (hussie) and saying im a horrible person for sending death threats when i NEVER did that, had no reason to, and hussie isn’t even ON tumblr to do that

she also stated that she meant i “started” the death threats instead of sending them which is still a fucking lie bc the poll that i was referencing was posted FOUR days ago and has ppl fighting and talking about death threats about hussie before i even knew it fucking existed, and she would know bc she was arguing under the post four days ago HERSELF

how did i start death threats on a post i didnt find out about until 4 days after people were fighting under it? how the fuck does that work?

she then went on to slip up and reveal that she subconsciously thinks the queer community is only white bc when ppl complain about white queers they r complaining about latent racism, bc brown people exist in ur community and acting like poc criticizing white people (who will always be white no matter the other identities they have) means u hate queers is racist as hell

shit like THIS is what hussie was doing on a constant basis

these are just two examples you could google “homestuck racism” and find much more my only point that i ever made is that it’s insensitive and fucked up to act like anyone who doesn’t like or even hates homestuck for its racism is a transphobe or evil instead possibly someone deeply affected by hussies racism, and plaidos was under the original poll post i referenced arguing with black people calling them liars for saying hussie is racist and has antiblackness in his work:

if you recognize hussie is racist and has racism in their work why the fuck are you arguing with black people about that fact? why are you pretending people are lying and making up rumors when hussies racism has been a known fact for a literal decade at this point, hussie was quite literally responsible for a boom in antiblack racism online in the early internet you cannot be so dense as to not acknowledge this, and i want to clarify im literally a homestuck fan, homestuck meant so much to me as a kid, and bc of that i know that online spaces for homestuck treated black people like absolute shit for complaining about the racism, i was bullied and harassed so much for even being upset at characters in the comic using the n word or mocking black people, im criticizing it bc i care about it being such a large phenomenon responsible for the normalization of my oppression.

not going over the homestuck racism workshop thing bc u ppl r being purposefully obtuse and i already talked about it here

if you don’t believe me, please go ask the people accusing me of these things for screenshots of me sending death threats, ask them to show that i have no transfem friends, ask them to show it bc every fucking time theirs never any proof, stop believing ask u read about me with no proof stop believing rumors, put urself in the shoes of others, would you want hundreds of ppl sharing post saying you did something you didn’t fucking do with no proof? ask yourself why you don’t see many black people speak out on racism on here and ask urself if maybe it might correlate to how we get demonized for it, if you think callout culture is bad why participate in it in a way where you don’t even have photo evidence backing for what your sharing

lastly, u people keep going on and on about the company i keep but are the same ones cropping out the trans girls im friends with and constantly talking to on my blog, you did it with the last situation regarding aaron bushnell you did it with the previous pregnancy callout, yall literally accuse every trans girl around me of being self hating or theyfabs, random trans women who simply shared my opinion have been harassed and accused of being sock puppets, i have a whole post about that in my pinned, but u don’t care, it’s easier to make me a scape goat and deflect criticisms of racism despite you being white and unaffected than it is to simply go “yeah some people are gonna hate media that has racism in it and that isn’t indicative of anything other than hating racism” your fucking white, can we be serious right now, you published ask saying i was sending death threats to hussie when that never happened and accused me of starting the anger on a poll i never reblogged that a bunch of my trans girl mutuals were complaining about 16 hours ago, so which is it? transfem opinions matter to you or they don’t? bc it seems like u just pick a fucking choose which girls to listen to and like randomly going after black people for not liking antiblack racism

#drama

[2knightt]

heyyy i love ur acc. SM. do u think u could do johnny x reader w some type of argument or the gangs reaction to having an argument?? like i dunno some one tryna come onto johnny and reader throws a lil bitch fit? IF NOT LITERALLY JUST IGNORE THIS LMFAAOA LOVE YA

↳you the fucking coldest₊˚✧

➬ johnny cade x fem!reader

a/n; THANK U OMFG!!! ILYT!!! ALSO I GOT TOTALLY CARRIED AWAY LMFAO IM SICK AND BORED SO. also,,,SORRY I DIDNT ADD IN SOMEONE GOING ONTO JOHNNY I HAD NOTHING FOR THAT LOL

you and johnny were the perfect couple, but every couple has their rough patch.

you had heard that your cousin was in, the two of you were real close before he moved up north.

but it’s not like you were gonna see ‘em. too lazy, you said.

one day, you were just chilling on your couch. it was hot in oklahoma, but who’s surprised? it’s always hot.

but this time, it was so bad you wanted to go into soc territory just for the pool they got.

you were about to say fuck it and go, until you heard a knock.

all your friends and johnny just come in, they should know that by now.

you sighed and got up and walked towards the door.

“hey, y/n! long time no see?”

“ANDY?”

your cousin just smiled and opened his arms, welcoming you in for a hug and you gladly took it.

you dragged him into your house where you talked for hours, catching up, reminiscing about the old days, laughing, all that good stuff.

the next day, it was still unbelievably hot.

so, you and andy thought it’d be funny to go into soc territory for at least an hour of being cool.

jam packed in there, you joked about how you felt like a fish in a sardine can.

the two of you got in after andy started scolding you for not putting on sunscreen.

you and him had so much fun! so much fun that you forgot about the people around you, like johnny’s friends.

two-bit thought it’d be funny to be a well known grease in a soc’s pool.

until he saw you, laughing with some GUY in the pool! splashing, chasing each other and basically flirting!

so you better believe he rushed right over to the curtis house to see johnny cade sittin’ on the couch.

“JOHNNY! I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING IT’S IMPORTANT.”

“wo-woah, calm down two-bit. what is it?”

“I’M PRETTY SURE YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS CHEATING ON YOU! I SAW HER IN THE POOL WITH SOME GUY! THEY WERE BORDERLINE FLIRTING TOO!”

and johnny’s world came crushing down.

he was devastated, but even that would be an understatement.

was he not good enough? was he too quiet? too shy? did he not take you on enough dates?

the poor boy was on the verge of crying, ‘till dallas winston came in and started shouting some nonsense.

“how ‘bout we go pay your broad a visit later? right when they come back, huh?”

“why?”

“to confront her, ya dummy.”

his friend said, smacking the top of his head lightly.

and pay you a visit they did!

you put on your cousin’s favourite movie, made some popcorn, gave him his favourite soda, and right when you got comfortable, you heard another knock.

weird, again.

you opened the door with a sigh to see your boyfriend and dallas winston right behind him.

johnny looked pissed while dallas looked…normal.

his friend bent down and whispers something in his ear and walked off.

“so, where were you? at the pool?”

“yeah? wait—how’d you know?”

“oh so you don’t even TRY to hide it?! cheatin’ on me in public, y/n?! are you fucking kidding me??”

he shouted at you as you scrunched up your face.

cheating?? with who??

“what? i wasn’t cheating on you?! i never would, johnny! be serious right now.”

“i bet you have him in here right now. two-bit told me how he looked. wouldn’t be a problem if i looked, right?”

he said, squeezing his way into your house.

he locked eyes with andy real fast.

“…are you fucking with me, y/n?”

“what? that’s my cousin.”

“yeah fucking right!”

he threw his hands up in the air and stormed out of the place while you tried to explain.

he just slammed the door shut, leaving you speechless.

you cried and cried on your cousins shoulder while he apologized for not speaking up.

the next day, you went on a hunt for johnny cade.

you found him in the lot, he looked like he was cryin’.

“johnny? johnny please let me speak.”

all he did was give you the stink eye and walk away.

you kissed your teeth and rolled your eyes.

if he didn’t wanna hear you out, fine.

let him be like that.

dallas knew he fucked up. he knew he fucked up real bad.

he caught a glimpse of what he thought was your side fling through the window but he noticed, he looked an awful lot like you.

dallas winston went on his own misson, to find your mother.

he found her at her workplace and he dropped the question that’s been on his mind.

“hey, uh, mrs.l/n.”

“oh my! hello dallas, lovely to see you again.”

“yes, yes you too. uh, do you know this guy that’s been at your house? has brown hair, tall, sorta looks like y/n.”

“oh, andy? that’s my nephew. he’s just the sweetest! you should go talk to him, he’s visiting this crummy old city for awhile.”

ah shit. shitshitshit.

he just ruined your guy’s relationship!

scratch that—two-bit just ruined your relationship!

he ran while thanking your mother, he ran his ass alll the way to two-bits home.

he knew he’d be there, drinking, watchin’ mickey mouse, and whatever other bullshit he does.

dallas barged into his home and shouted for his friend, only to find him on the floor.

“what d’ya want, dal?”

“you fucked up, you fucked up realll good.”

“what?”

“that was her COUSIN YOU DOPE.”

fuckkkk.

how was he supposed to know?

and that’s exactly what he asked, after the feelings of guilt washed over him.

“how was i supposed to know?”

“i knew with just one look! how couldn’t YOU TELL?!”

“WELL SHOOT WHAT’RE WE GONNA DO NOW?!”

two-bit asked, jumping up to his feet.

dallas licked the inside of his cheek while looking of to the side.

“i dunno, explain it to johnny?”

“if they end things for real, i ain’t never believin’ in love again.”

dallas shook his head as two-bit walked through his door. he couldn’t help but agree with his friend.

they drove until they seen him walkin’ around, lookin’ like a bum.

“hey, johnny! get in! we gotta talk.”

johnny nodded and got in the back seat.

“we gotta talk about y/n.”

he groaned and leaned his head back against the head-rest, looking up.

“seriously? can’t we talk about somethin’ else?”

“no, johnny! we messed up.”

it’s too late for ‘mess ups,’ now.

johnny rolled his eyes and got out of the car while dallas chased after him.

“hey, man. we’re being serious.”

“how much she pay you?”

“nothing! i ain’t spoken a word to her.”

“yeah right.”

dallas sighed as johnny started walking in the opposite direction.

he walked to two-bits car and knocked on the window and two rolled it down.

“go n’ find y/n and tell her johnny’s sorry. he ain’t yet, but he’s gonna be when i tell everyone else.”

two-bit nodded and drove off while dallas started walking to the curtis house.

steve and soda were off work, ponyboy wasn’t in school since it’s the summer, and it’s the weekend so darry can’t work.

he basically kicked the door down, and shouted for everyone to get into the living room, NOW.

“what is it, dal?”

“yeah, what happened?”

dallas sighed and said answered their questions,

“johnny and y/n broke up over a the uh,”

“the cheatin’? yeah we heard.”

“yea..can’t believe she’d do that.”

“but she didn’t. that was her goddamn cousin. even asked her mom to confirm.”

the house erupted into gasps and groans.

“so what do we do?”

“convince them to talk to each other. they gotta come ‘round sooner or later.”

they annoyed johnny, and they annoyed you.

your whole days were filled with the gang shoutin’ your name, but you thought it was to argue over the false accusations.

so you walked the other way, and johnny did the same.

until, sodapop and steve finally cornered you.

“if you guys are here to yell at me, i ain’t no cheater!”

“we know, jeez.”

oh. now you kinda seem like a douche.

“oh. so, what do you want?”

“TALK TO JOHNNY, PLEASE!”

“PLEASE!!! IF YOU DON’T I’LL UH—I’LL BREAK UP WITH EVIE!”

“what the fuck, steve?”

“go with it, soda.”

they whispered to each other, while still glaring at you.

“yeah’ an-and i’ll kill ponyboy!”

“okay not that far.”

steve said, turning to look at soda.

you giggled to yourself watching their banter. you kinda missed them, just as much as you missed johnny.

“does he even wanna talk to me?”

“uh-totally!”

“yeah girlfriend! let’s go to my house! he’s there, just bawling!”

even though you were confused at the nickname, you still went with the two best friends.

you three walked into the curtis house where you seen ponyboy rubbing johnnys back while they sat on the couch.

he was sittin’ with his head down and his hands intertwined.

they pulled darry’s chair so it was right in front of johnny.

steve sorta, pushed you into the chair.

johnny looked up and soda wasn’t lying. he had looked like he’s been crying.

the gang walked into darry’s room to leave the two of you alone.

you were the first out of the both of you to speak.

“i-i’m sorry johnny.”

“no-no. i’m sorry, y/n. i’m sorry i ain’t believe you, i don’t know why i acted like that. it was so stupid of me. and i still love you, i really do.”

you smiled and got out of the chair to sit next to johnny.

“that was real stupid of you. next time, just let me talk, okay?”

“i will. i swear, i’ll be a better boyfriend. just give me another chance.”

you kissed his cheek and grinned at his shocked face.

“couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, but you.”

you guys were having a sweet moment, just staring into each others eyes, living in the moment.

until you heard cheers.

“YESS!!”

“FINALLY!!”

“good for you guys.”

“I DON’T HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH EVIE!!”

“AND I DON’T HAVE TO KILL PONYBOY!!”

“wait, what?”

may 27th, 2023. 8:56PM

#2knightt #the outsiders #the outsiders x reader #johnny x reader #johnny cade x reader

[omegasmileyface]

ok i think its a good thing that sky high never got a sequel because they said what they wanted to say and explored their fun plot and setting in that movie and if they made a sequel it would be pulling at strings and a useless cashgrab and we would all have wished they would just let the fiest movie's closure rest. BUT. if i were in charge of a sky high sequel heres what it would be like

plot centers around the superhero community's weird thing where they feel more kinship with villains than civillians

thus, it starts with there being some serious schoolyard fight (maybe even... outside school hours?) between the protags and speed+lash, who are still sort of... majoring in villainy. protags get in trouble with administration for fighting, and theyre like "??? im sorry, these guys were being EVIL. you know. like VILLAINS." and the school is like What they do with their education is not up for us to judge. distrust sows.

will is dragged to a "party" (its like a bbq or something) that some of his parents' colleages are holding bc of like. a big. win. in superheroing. idk. anyway so there are a bunch of superhero families there in their civilian identities. will (and any friends that might have come) start talking to this other kid at the party

they ask why they havent seen her at school, and she says she doesnt go. why not? she scoffs and says that she would just be tossed aside in every class. protags tell her that the school is working (slowly... but working) on the sidekick/hero division thing. she says shed get tossed aside anyway. "why? whats your power? i promise you can make use out of any—" she doesnt have any powers.

oh! well. still. Ron Wilson didnt have any powers "yeah and he became a bus driver. i know Ron Wilson. hes a family friend. he shuttles superpowered kids around twice a day for minimum wage. even if you have an "in" in the community, if you dont have powers, youre just there to clean up ater people that do."

will thinks about it for a bit. he realizes he was sort of pushed aside before his powers developed... but it doesnt sink in and he pushes back (tells her he agrees but doesnt) because he was just so happy to get his powers. that couldnt be unfounded! and... and superheroes only step up because they have the power to make a difference. she should feel lucky that she doesnt have that responsibility attached to her life. she can go off and do whatever she wants without feeling bad about wasting power.

anyway laila gets radicalized again by this obviously. she is, in fact, now so against this division that she quits sky high and transfers to a civilian school to protest. she and will try to keep dating, but it really doesnt work with all that tension and they break up halfway through the movie.

the school laila transferred to is also the other girl's. lets call her toni. laila is really annoying to toni. whenever theyre away from observers, shes trying to use her powers to "help" toni, and other such annoying ally behavior. eventually, toni agrees to do a little interview on her experience with the super community if laila will leave her alone. laila agrees.

meanwhile, the rest of the friend group are having their own adventure discovering just how... ok the super community is with villains. obviously its not. like. ACCEPTED, thats why warren was so ostracized. but yknow. one day someone asks in mad science class if dr medulla is evil and he doesnt have a good answer. someone asks if lash and speed should be allowed to be the villains every time in save the citizen, and boomer says he cant force them to make their team choice. etc

laila goes in to interview toni at her house, in the process realizing that one of her dads— who was at that big superhero barbeque and whatnot— is a known supervillain. she panicks and awkwardly leaves the house trying to hide her discovery, and rushes to tell will

will doesnt know what to do with this. he attempts to subtly ask his mom, and gets an answer like "yeah, i dont get it. [sigh] but if he doesnt hurt anybody out of costume, and the others want him around... what am i gonna do about it?" he does the same with his dad, who says like "oh jimmy! yeah he was pretty cool in high school. definitely a rebel. i dont know why he got into the villain game, but its not my spot to judge him! just to stop him by force and send him to jail when its relevant."

will freaks out. this is all very strange. obviously there are problems with villainy, otherwise superheroes wouldnt exist! right? ...is toni going to become a villain? i mean, she hates the hero school system so much now, is she going to fight it when shes older?

ok im getting tired so im gonna fast forward through the rest and its gonna be all bones no meat. lets go

something happens to will that seriously injures him, and he thinks its toni's fault somehow. even as he recovers, it leaves him with a permanent disability that his powers dont help with. he considers himself useless again

laila and toni end up creating some kind of vigilante non-superpowered hero force, who swoop in to save the day alongside the powered heroes at the end of the movie

the protagonists discover that the super community doesnt differentiate between villains (fighting for the greater good but against heroes and/or the law) and villains (actually doing evil things) because hero licenses (which are a thing now ive decided) and villain classifications are given based on breaking the law

additionally, supervillainy, within certain ethical bounds (yknow if nobodys getting killed or anything) is sort of considered... a sport. half of major league superheroing is... recreational. like sparring.

but! and you'll never get this! non-supers described as villains get punished WAY WORSE than supers described as villains (again, within certain ethical boundaries)

laila plans to transfer back to sky high to encourage them to start a mandatory ethics course

whatever big fight scene ends off the movie, it has "villains" who have a sense of ethics fighting alongside less-legalist heroes, against actually evil villains and legalist "heroes". the villain-type students from the first movie (penny etc.), who still go to sky high, are fighting alongside the real villains until the end when they figure the whole thing out and decide to switch

will ends uo at the center of the Big Fight bc of course he does. he tries to fight Main Enemy (still havent decided at all who this is) on his own, for pride reasons and to prove that his new disability doesnt define him. but it does cause him to fail, and he gets ready to like. die in battle or something idk i never went to superhero school. but his friends save him, and he realizes that just because he cant shoulder as much weight as he used to doesnt mean he cant help in certain ways, and that even when he CANT help he doesnt have friends who are willing to fight for him and whatnot

its a disability metaphor. did you get that part? bc i believe the first movie was a disability metaphor.... except that the thesis was "simply stop being disabled" so im changing that.

also for legalism and police corruption. that too. there are two metaphors. :)

in the epilogue we learn that sky high is working to start providing course plans for students with no powers, and several adults in the community have become activists fighting for... i guess to make it so superheroes' and villains' intentions arent seen as an extension of lawfulness? idk this parts harder to solve. still

as for little details that arent plot-relevant:

theres strong subtext that ethan, magenta, and zach are all dating and thats fun

warren and magenta have joined a civilian poetry club that they go to after school

theres a student who exclusively refers to will as "billy"

there are NO REFERENCES TO MARVEL. i dont CARE if theyre both owned by disney. im keepin em SEPARATE. no cameos or easter eggs. you can have the incredibles playing on a tv somewhere but thats THIN ICE

there is however an astro boy reference :)

ron wilson bus driver reappearances. he refuses to take relevance in the plot hes just there. and big now.

i just think itd be funny if one of the characters had a Real Gun. i havent decided who or why

#sky high #sky high (2005) #I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO GIVE A WHOLE PLOT SYNOPSIS IT WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE THEMES AND SOME FUN DETAILS #SORRY FOR THE LONG POST IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BRIEF AND FUNNY. #long post

[pommunist]

I do wonder a little if the very different reactions to Pomme and Dapper's beds being included in the stream might in part be like... a difference in people used to seeing a new admin play an egg? The situations are very different and that should be acknowledged and looked at and even if as is likely the case QStudios owns all rights to the NPCs created for QSMP it would feel extremely icky to me to give Pomme especially a new admin. But at the same time... I do wonder if people more used to say, Chayanne, who has had 2 different main admins and been played by 4 or 5 different admins regularly enough the different forms have nicknames are more... accepting of the idea? Because the idea of an egg belonging only to the one actor is less comprehensible to them, as it's not what they're used to? Ramón's situation might be closer, but again 2 admins at least. Im almost certain I've seen Tallulah played by someone else when her admin was sick, and I've no doubt some of the other eggs have occassionally been played by others due to admin illness even if not long term.

(This is not to say it's main the issue (even without eggs being acted Sunny's admin should have known what was happening just for bigger issues with the stream alone - admin health and treatment is far more important than what they provide) I'm just. Trying to think of reasons why reactions I saw were as polarised as they were, with half my dash treating it like parading a corpse in the street and the other half like this was entirely expected and normal.)

Oh that’s a good question anon !!

First, the ownership of the characters is a tricky point that I don’t have an answer to as intellectual property laws are extremely complicated and not something I know much about tbh.

And on the topic of admin change, I think public reception depends a lot of the cause of said change : For example, when Ramon switched admins, huevitos were perfectly fine with it as it was assumed that the OG had taken a break for studying purposes so it was not a problem (turns out they were fired 🥲). It’s the same whenever an admin steps up to punctually or long term play another character because their admin is too busy with irl stuff, other work within Qstudios, is sick…. (like what I assume happened for Chayanne)

Pomme’s situation is different because of Lumi’s circumstances and the fact that she asked for her character to end with her leaving. Plus the fact that CCs have said before that they didnt want her to be replaced, even before that whole situation, I remember at least Antoine saying he would rather have Pomme dead than be played by someone else. I’d say the french speaking side got quite attached to her as, with all the sidelining we went through, both her character and admin were our only beacon of representation within Qstudios/QSMP 🥹

Also something that makes me kinda ehhhh about saying that there are people who are completely fine with admins changes because their fav character went through at least one is remembering the whole Pepito/otipep mess that had people go mad because Pepito had an admin change for a few days and they didn’t like the "new personnality" or whatever ? (Couldn’t tell the details of it as my spanish suck and Roier often streams in the middle of the night for me, but I remember the twitter shit storm)

Finally about the eggs being like kidnapped and in a coma (I think ? didn’t watch the stream) I guess it’s an okay way to put them on hold while sorting things out + an opportunity to explain in lore if you have to kill some because no more admins ? Or at least it would have been okay if all the eggs admins still working would have been made aware that their characters was being put on hold 😀

[chronicallyuniconic]

Why we need to stop blaming survivors who take years to come forward:

*TW: Childhood Sexual Abuse*

[In light of Kevin Spacey being in court, I'm seeing alot of horrible discourse & I just want to add my exp so I don't scream profanities].

It takes years to report for so many reasons and I'm here to describe my personal experience, and just why it took so long to come forward. Only now 25 years after it started, am I able to write about it with some clarity instead of confusion.

I was just a child when it happened, in my formative years, considered one of the most important times for a developing child. I did not know, not fully anyway, how wrong it was, what happened to me, that it was a crime.

The person who did it, was fully known to everyone around me, and everyone loved (and still love) that version of the person they knew/know.

From about age 6, I was silently questioning if I'd dreamt it multiple times, or maybe what happened to me was just something that was supposed to take place. Did every _____ do this? Does every daughter have this happen to them? Is it all children my age maybe? I just couldn't make sense of it. In some ways, I still can't.

I didnt know the word pornography at such a young age, but the magazines my abuser would leave for me to find, left me confused, what are those people doing?

As I chug into my teenage years with these mixed memories, feelings, and now hormones, I spend more time with a friend, my best friend and later became my first girlfriend at 14. She had a similar thing happen to her too, multiple times just like me, except when she told a teacher she was taken from her mother and sister, into foster care. And that's how our relationship ended.

I didn't want to be separated from my younger sibling, of which we are immensely close. I have to protect this from happening to them, to us. A month later, I find out I'm going to be welcoming another sibling in 6 months. I sobbed at the thought of another sibling having to endure what I had, I have a baby to protect soon and it's not mine. I spent my teenage years with them as much as I could.

It wasn't until I turned 17, I realise the predator living around me, is only into girls. They continue watching me through cracks in the door, walking in when I'm in the bathroom doing anything, secretly going through my phone, taking me for driving lessons, keeping up work in the community, all the while dropping towel when I walk past the bedroom.

Somehow, I kept my wits about me, and at 18 left 300 miles in the opposite direction to University. My sibling could protect themselves now too. I had to say goodbye to my mum, she was still involved with him.

After 10 weeks at University, I was alone and isolated, I struggled to make friends, noone on my course lived anywhere near me. I was suggested to go to the University counsellor, where after 12 weeks, I had told her more or less everything.

It took me another 2 years and a failed relationship to summon the courage to ring the police, and now also explain why it had taken me so long and why would I go on driving lessons with the man that did this to me? And even now looking back, there were things I'd left out in my report. Because repressed memories really do exist and they're still affecting me to this day.

If you have ever felt the rushing wave of a memory you never had before, suddenly appear, I'm giving you such a big hug, because it's awful. It's like drowning where you stand and I've spent too long questioning my reality.

The next time you wonder why it took someone so long to speak up, it's not just about that. It takes years of mental torture and so much silent work to undo damage that should have never been there in the first place.

Standing with the men who are speaking up💜

#Tw CSA #kevin spacey #repressed memories #living with cptsd #childhood #Survivor #abuse survivor

[anti-endo-haven]

not exactly sure how to trigger tag this so tldr: venting about an ex friend who fakeclaimed me and a therapist i used to have who didnt really help me and kinda did the opposite (probably not on purpose, but it still kinds fucked some things up for me)

----

thinking about the times ive talked about the possibility of having did with an old online friend of mine (who was a singlet) and they never believed me. i did so much research and trying to open up about it but when they told me i should stop it felt like everything i knew had fallen apart and was different

back then i remember before i told him about it i actually had known about some alters i had, they had actual names and personalities and even innerworld features. i remember one of them was a little kid with blonde hair and a pink dress and a black cat hat (exactly like a hat i used to have irl) i havent seen her around anywhere in a couple years sadly, since my friend told me i was faking. i wish she was around longer because she seemed really sweet. i think she went dormant bc of the stress our friend had put us through

i remember i had what i assume was a full switch to her which is why i wanted to talk to someone about it but the online friend i had at the time would constantly fakeclaim me and say things like "you cant be a system if youre under the age of 20" (even though... systems usually develop before the age of 10) and "youre faking because your typing is weird" (this alter was a little, a fucking child, so of course her grammar wasnt gonna be perfect) i literally remember switching to her as me and this person were talking and they still thought i was faking because "you just learned about this disorder and now youre acting like you have it" (maybe because.. ive had it for so long that when i finally found the words that have helped me describe it im trying to embrace it and learn to heal. maybe because for most of my childhood i felt like something deep inside me was wrong and broken and when i found out about did things suddenly started clicking for me)

even my therapist at the time didnt even try to figure out why i thought i had such a serious disorder, she just immediately dismissed it when i brought it up with her. i find it a bit funny though because before i brought up did with her she had told me i probably have *some kind* of dissociative disorder (she never specified) and she even gave me meds for it (which honestly made it worse, i can only remember like one thing from that time period and it was someone telling me "my energy felt off") while i dont think a therapist should always immediately agree with their patient when it comes to trying to diagnose something i think they should try to help them figure out if what theyre suspecting is truly what they are dealing with or if its something else, ykwim?

----

im so sorry for this being so long :( i didnt mean for it to be but it still ended up being a whole essay .. anyway this is my first time posting to this blog so hi !

id like to claim an anon tag, would 🌌🕹️ or tsc/the stardust crusaders be okay?

That ex-friend is wild… You can absolutely be a system under the age of 20, I’ve seen 14 year olds get an official diagnosis and be able to get some help/support for it. Not a lot of people might know about it until they’re older especially in therapy because they have to cross bases and make sure it isn’t something else. And even if someone does months/years of research, they might not fully know or be questioning for a while.

Some people also accept it faster than others. That doesn’t make them fake either. For us, we had started questioning when we were around 19, doing research and everything to help out and going to different sources, we’re now 20 and a little bit past the “I’m fake” self-doubt (imposter syndrome) and doing what we can to function.

Your therapist should have absolutely made sure to cross bases. I’m not saying that in like a bad way. But the medication pushing just… isn’t it. That seems really strange to me to just agree, not ask questions on why, and just give medication out like that…

But you guys aren’t fake, that friend is gone, hopefully that therapist, too. I hope you all are doing better!

And, yep! You can claim all of those!

#🌌🕹️ #tsc sys #the stardust crusaders #anti endo #did system #system #osddid #traumagenic system #endos dni #endos not for you #actually did #actually traumagenic #did plural #did plurality #osdd plural #osdd plurality #tw fakeclaiming #tw fakeclaiming mention #tw medication #tw meds mention #tw medicine #tw medicine mention #anti-endo-haven-vents #anti-endo-haven-vent

[schizopositivity]

how do you deal with knowing you need medication but not trusting the pharmaceutical industry?

i.e. “they just want to make us sick so we keep buying medicine, it’ll just harm & give me brain damage”

i have a few different ways i can answer this, so ill just say them all so you can have options on what feels nice for you to think about (also i wanna say this is a totally valid fear and you should never be ashamed to express this idea to the people in your life).

•the pharmaceutical industry is highly regulated, everything must be approved before going out to the public through clinical trials that prove the med is more affective than placebo.

•most meds are adminsitered by drs and pharmacists, who are real people that usually care about helping other people and theres so many of them, you would think if any had a reason to doubt meds as a whole they would say something or quit.

•there are countless real testimonies of real people saying how meds have worked for them and improved their lives.

•for me personally meds were life changing, specifically antipsychotics, i couldnt function or surivive well without them, since being on them for years i have such a greater quality if life and thats why i stand by meds.

•not all meds are needed for your whole life. ive known plently of people who have been on antidepressants or different meds that over time didnt need them anymore or even drs suggesting they stop them because they can be fine without them. if they wanted to keep you on meds to keep you sick they wouldnt do that.

•some meds youll just have to be on for the rest of your life, not because they dont work, just that the symptoms it helps with will always be there and will always need managing. some people need to be on medication to even just survive, if it werent for the meds theyde be far worse off. and for me ill always be schizophrenic, ill probably always need to be on antipsychotics because they improve my life a lot and without them i wouldnt be able to function.

•not all meds cost money. it really depends on your income level and where you live but for me, im on my states low income free insurance that covers the cost of all my meds. i have not paid any of my own money for medication. i wish meds could be free for everyone obviously but sadly the reality is its not. but not all people on medication (especially in other parts of the world) pay for their meds with their own money.

•this can be a dangerous mindet to have and hold true, because where does it stop? this mindet could lead to you not taking antibiotics for an infection and it getting much worse, or not taking life saving meds, or not taking meds that prevent things form getting worse, or keep you from getting vaccines for preventable diseases. i say all this not as an abstract i know people personally who think this way and reality hit them hard during the pandemic (like someone i know irl didnt get the vaccine and then got sick and had to be hospitalized for weeks to stay alive, if the industry wanted them sicker they wouldnt create or give out vaccines for free).

i know it can be hard to believe in something like this, but your health is the most important thing, and if meds can help you than thats what matters. not all meds work the same for everyone so if you do start meds make sure to meet with your perscriber regularly so they can change doses or change meds to find the right fit for you.

#answered #tw meds #medication #pharma #big pharma #big pharma consipracy #tw big pharma consipiracy

[honeyrisuke]

The State of the VFX Industry- or: Why I am so fucking furious about the Chip and Dale Movie

I’ve been thinking long and hard about if I should really do this... and if yes, how.

I hope the following is in any way interesting or informative and not just me rambling about something.

Let’s start out here: I’m a VFX artist with a couple years of experience in the VFX and Animation industry. That’s about as much as I will put into this post for privacy reasons.

About a year before the pandemic I got the oportunity to work at M/PC- which is one of the biggest VFX studios in the world, making anything from the Harry Potter movies over the Disney Remakes, Marvel films, that Dinosaur Documentary that just came out, etc.

If a movie contains VFX (meaning it’s live-action shots with any type of effects edited over), there’s a VERY high chance M/PC was working on some of the material- if not almost all of it.

My exact experience with how I got there or personal details are irrelevant here- but this is what I can say about them.

They hire people from all over the world, push them through a harsh crunchtime for as little pay as possible and then throw them back out. In some cases, they forget to extend work permits, which has resulted in people being deported in the past. Sometimes they extend work permits on such a short notice that the people end up only being allowed to work in the country via a loophole, and of course they end up losing that workpermit if they end up getting fired- which is very common, as they like to throw people out the second they don’t need them anymore.

I was shushed several times for bringing up labourlaws (not unions, not anything- just the actual labour laws in the country we were in) because that could get me fired if the wrong person hears it. I wasn’t from that country; So I had to clock in every morning and do 150% because I knew if I just stood my ground and said “no” to Overtime I’d be packing my shit and stepping on a plane a month later.

The office we were in itself had no windows and only sparce ceiling lights, which was why if we locked our PC screens, they turned white- to create a light source. We did however get little USB lights :) because, you know. that helps.

Frequently, we were asked to work through lunchtime and also do more overtime after work, which was why I would quite commonly have workdays where I spent between 10-12 hours straight at my desk working. They would always tap on the harsh deadlines for shots- most of which weren’t our fault for being overdue, which resulted in them asking us to come in on weekends. In winter, I had a moment where I realized that I hadn’t seen the sun in about 2 weeks. When I then said “no” to overtime for a day, just so I could refresh my head, I was told I “needed to be careful if I wanted to keep the job”.

Not because I was not doing my work the way it was in my contract- but because I wasn’t willing to spend 10 hours at the office on a sunday- which was NOT a workday according to said contract.

Over time, I ended up getting more cocky about saying no to Overtime when I didn’t feel good, or asking for someone else to take a task I was given because I knew I wouldn’t be done with it by it’s deadline due to the other things I still had to do- which was probably was led to me being laid off.

The only people who got to stand up against this pressure were people in higher positions- and even they were expected to be at the studio every single day of the week, no matter what was going on. I had a lead who left work around 3 pm on a **sunday** and was only allowed to do so because it was his sons birthday. I am still sort of shocked that they made him come in at all.

These time constraints aren’t an accident. They aren’t a miscalculation. VFX artists are treated like this to keep the cost low, to be as cheap as possible. Specifically M/PC is known for this. Cut corners where you can, mistreat your workers as well as you can and whatever comes out will be good enough.

On top of that- remember how people were angry that they didnt list ANY VFX artists on the stupid dinosaur documentary? Approximately half of all VFX artists working on a film don’t get credited. This isn’t about the studio I worked at- this is a general thing. You can work your ass off for hours upon hours for years just to get that stupid flop of a movie out, and they won’t even credit you. This may not sound like a big deal, but ultimately it means that if you say you worked on those movies in a future job interview and they go and check if you actually did- they won’t find you, and it looks like you were lying about your work experience.

Now, obviously, whenever I tell people that this is happening in one of the biggest studios in the industry, they go like “but if it’s that bad, why is nobody sounding the alarms about it? Why is nobody fighting against it?”

For the same reason you hear vague sexual abuse allegations from companies like that but never see who made them or what exactly happened. If you speak up against it, and they find out who did, they make sure you can never work at their company or any company connected to them ever again.

*And they are ALL connected.*

The one’s that don’t directly belong to T/echnicolour are just besties with T/echnicolour, and they share informations like that. Because, you know. Nobody wants to hire a snitch.

While I was working there, the studio in Vancouver closed down. If you heard “the studio that made sonic and cats closed down”, that was it. And no matter how much the internet liked to make this about “the poor studio and the poor animators being kicked out because mean, mean fans made it so they didn’t get money boohoo”.... that. was not it.

The details here are muddy on purpose, so I can’t clearly speak on this- but what I can say is that, while the closure of Vancouver loomed over them, they never got a clear info or anything. The remaining workers just showed up one day after doing overtime for way too long and the studio was gone and closed. We, at the other studio, received an email thanking the nice collegues over from Vancouver for their faantaaaastic work.

Right after this email dropped, we were all immediately called into a meeting on the company floor, where first we were told that our jobs were not affected by this (which was true, they weren’t, they just hadn’t been stable to begin with), but they also made it very clear that if we went to post about this on social media, or talk to any journalistic publication about this incident, we would lose our jobs and be *blacklisted*. I can’t quote them verbatim, but I do remember them mentioning how “most of us were very young”, and how “this would be very unfortunate for us”.

They knew they fucked up, and let us know if we spoke to anyone about what had happened we’d never work again- because they wanted it to be muddy. They wanted the general narrative to be “the poor poor studio that made sonic and cats had to close down because of public backlash”. That story is MILES better for their reputation than “we squeezed every last droplet out of the foreigners we made work there in hopes they don’t know their own labour laws and then purposefully run that office’s finances into the ground so we can fire them all at once”

This all is also, by the way, why I am purposefully leaving out a lot of information in this post. Not because I’m insane and paranoid or anything- but they do that. They check the internet for stuff about them. And I’d honestly enjoy NOT using my expensive degree to go back to work in a coffee shop because I made an inconsequential post on tumblr dot com- but I feel it would be the better thing to do than to sit there and be fucking pissed without doing ANYTHING.

So, to bring it all back- Why am I so pissed about the chip and dale movie?

The reason for why a lot of VFX-heavy movies look like absolute shit, is not because VFX itself is a problem or doomed to be ugly or because the artists are bad or blind or whatever- it’s because of all of those exploitative factors.

The artists don’t get a say in anything. If you speak up about something being wrong, you might get fired. Your opinions don’t matter. The timecrunch is so tight that you don’t get the chance to make it right- and to be clear, nobody who is officially an “artist” gets any time to make it right. The people making the decisions and who would be able to speak up are the people who are handleing the money. The issue with VFX is in not even one case the VFX itself; the issue with VFX is the capitalistic nature of the goddamn film industry. All of those movies aren’t movies that wanna tell a story or that want to inspire- they are money machines. The people who make the decision don’t give a fuck what the movie looks like or if it’s good, and they especially don’t give a fuck about if the people working on it die doing it- as long as it’s cheap, it’s good.

That is also why productions prefer using 100% VFX instead of costumes and puppets. Because costume makers, SFX artists, makeup artists and puppeteers have labour unions. They get paid properly for their work. They work humane hours. They might take longer and have the chance to make it right- which in turn makes something more expensive. Not because their work is worth more; but because they have the priviledge to expect fair compensation.

VFX artists don’t get that priviledge- not to mention the countless VFX artists who live and work in the global south, a lot of them also for a Technicolour studio, who get way less for all that work... only so rebel fucking wilson and james corden can dress up at the oscars and piss all over that labour.

And while making those jokes as just some guy on the internet is like... sort of annoying for people who are affected in some way, imagine if people who are literally responsible for why these things are ugly in the first place, and for all the labour abuses made those jokes.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GIVE IT UP FOR THE FUCKING CHIP AND DALE MOVIE

Everything about it, from how they used old assets without crediting the original artists, to how the jokes don’t make fun of the production houses but treat it like this was “just a thing lol” to the fact that the “2D” lead characters aren’t actually 2D animated but cellshaded 3D characters in order to save money-

is deeply, incredibly insulting.

To make the same artists that have been through production hell by the hands of the producers and execs who commissioned this piece of shit work on a movie that actively mocks their entire profession is one of the most disrespectful things I could possibly fucking imagine

This is on the same level as if let’s say amazon made a trademark “amazon pissbottle”, making fun of their own labour rights abuses, while having the same underpaid workers who gotta piss into bottles bc they dont get pee breaks package and deliver the fucking things

I want to genuinly tear my hair out about the level of disrespect that this movie is on. When the trailer first came out, I had no clue what to feel and was just SO confused, but by now I have sorted my thoughts and feelings and gotta say- fuck everyone who is responsible. Fuck everyone who planned that shit out.

and also: genuinly, fuck everybody who likes it. As much as it “is funny” or whatever, the whole thing is a symptom of a diseased industry, and I am genuinly hoping that more and more people get the chance to speak up about this- because it might only get worse from here.

If you really read this until the end, thank you for hearing me out haha,,, This wasn’t meant to vent or make anyone feel sorry. This was meant to put the situation of that industry into perspective and give an appropriate backdrop for what’s going on, and why a lot of these things are genuinly dispicable.

Next time you go to the cinema and the VFX looks like shit- just know that this is not a VFX problem, and making fun of VFX itself is misguided. Make fun of the people responsible. Make fun of the director. Look at which studios were involved in the making of the film at the end of the credits and drag their ass. Tag their social media profiles, ask them how much their regular artists get during crunchtime.

Let them eat their fucking OT cake themselves.

#VFX #chipanddale #chip and dale movie #chip and dale 2022 #i almost hope the MPC people find this post and know its me so their fucking recruiters stop harassing me on linkedin

[horce-divorce]

Something very intriguing about the intersection of individualism and personal responsibility vs learned helplessness vs the complete and utter lack of care for anyone else in this culture.... Like I have literally seen someone walking around coughing like gollum decrying how RSV is going around and "someone should DO something!!!" and then never wearing a fucking mask. Like??? IF ONLY WE COULD TAKE MATTERS INTO OUR OWN HANDS! the cdc said i didnt have to, though, so im not gonna. But somebody else definitely should, for sure. 🙄

it's entitlement, IMHO, that much seems clear, but like... how lmao. Where does it come from? The "I have to worry about mine so you worry about yours" thing? Like, I'm only personally responsible for myself bc of individualism, so that's true of everyone else, too? Is it the learned helplessness of western capitalism and Christian fundamentalism that has everyone convinced we have to wait for our savior to come, because this world is doomed and fucked and worthless and we can't change anything at all on our own?

Idk if this is making sense, I'm sure someone much smarter than me has already anlaysed this and laid it out much better, like there's probably some well-known essay on this somewhere that I just haven't read yet.

But idk I see this combination often, of "I'm an individual so I don't have to care about anyone else, that's THEIR job," and "help! daddy come save me I can't do anything, I'm not allowed :(" like. Entitlement to do whatever you want but also entitlement to someone else cleaning it up? What???

This may be a weird example to pair with covid safety, but I see this kind of a lot in national parks and on beaches and stuff too. People feel entitled to not follow rules, not educate themselves about where they're fucking about, not to stop and think ONCE that their presence may have an impact on others somehow. they'll like. climb on some ice shelves or get sucked into a rip current or wander off the trail somewhere or feed a bear or something and then be SHOCKED that no one can help them/clean up after their mistakes/fix the situation immediately. Its honestly like they expect customer service? Do they think customer service comes from nature lmao??? like buddy we are in a remote, wild area with very few resources, yes, if you get in trouble it's GONNA take the coast guard a while to get down there, IF they can even find you by then. Where's your sense of personal responsibility and rugged individualism now? It didn't lead you to want to learn, idk, ANYTHING about the place you're visiting/living in????

Idk maybe I'm not connecting these 2 thoughts that well but idk it's like people walk around in literally their own fucking world. Or they act like caring only goes one way, like I get to be an Individualist™️ and only worry about me, but also, everyone else has to worry about themselves AND care about me, also, as well.

Again, it's the entitlement! They're connected, idk, I'm just having a hard time saying it well I think.

Anyway I'm just pissed because I know so many people who claim to be progressive and to give a fuck about disabled and marginalized voices and who claim to be critical of the government, but the SECOND they get the ok to do something HARMFUL, they will JUMP at the chance as long as it's convenient. They won't even stop to think twice about why they're doing it, or the impact their actions could have.

I guess covid is a bit different bc right now the OFFICIAL RULES are to not give a fuck and do whatever you want, I guess. Idk just wild how either the rules are fine, and we should totally follow them! Or otherwise they're stupid rules, and we don't have to follow them! Depends on my mood! Personal responsibility and individualism means I get to decide what's fine for everyone!

I dunno I have Swiss cheese for a brain, because I had a fucking post viral chronic illness for a decade before covid even hit, but somebody back me up here. there's gotta be actual literature about this somewhere.

It's like the idea of individualism and "personal responsibility" abdicates anyone of consequence. Ppl really act like that. Never questioning anything they ever do because mind your own business. But also, everything is terrible, somebody should DO something! Not me, but somebody. But also, everyone should be an individual and only worry about themselves????? Make it make sense

#me #long post

[not-poignant]

Im sorry to do this here but you write characters that have done bad things and still get redeemed and still deserve love. Do you really think that? I know it doesnt compare to what Gwyn or Augus or Ef did but I cheated on my partner in February. I kissed a person I met 3 days prior and havent talked to since. I'll give some context, not to be seen as excuse because I know its inexcusable. I'm poly, my partner is not. I didnt know that because they had said "maybe in the future". I thought the three of us could get together. Partner thought they had made it clear they werent poly. Partner thought they could get over it and we stayed together but they couldnt. They broke up with me today. I already felt like the scum of the earth and I still do. I feel like I dont deserve anything and should be punished or something. Kinda what Ef was doing with his apartment. I also dont know if Im supposed to tell everyone. I feel like no one would trust me with anything if they all knew I cheated, and maybe I deserve that, but if I actually deserve absolution orsm then maybe I shouldn't tell everyone. I also feel like I traumatised myself out of being poly. I cant imagine it anymore, not when its the reason i lost them. Do you have advice maybe? Sorry for this

Hi anon,

The first thing I'd suggest is learning what polyamory is, because in my opinion you're not really practicing it. The foundation or bedrock of polyamory is not actually having multiple partners, it's a willingness to communicate honestly and authentically, which you don't do, or haven't done. That's why single people can be polyamorous, and a person in a monogamous relationship can be polyamorous without actually actively practicing polyamory.

Likewise, a person can have multiple partners and not be polyamorous at all.

You really need to do some actual research into what you believe you are. There's so many different stages of communication breakdown in what you've described that it just looks like you need to work on basic human communication and listening skills going forward.

I'm poly, my partner is not. I didnt know that because they had said "maybe in the future".

This is so strange to me, because you did know that, because your partner didn't say 'I'm polyamorous now' they said maybe later.

You're making assumptions that fit you and your convenience, or making things up in your head that aren't there. Telling me you don't know either means you're lying to me, or you're lying to yourself, because your excuse is literally that your partner told you they weren't polyamorous but that they might be later on. You obviously didn't get confirmation about this, and never communicated further on it, and made an assumption for your own purposes that neglected the people around you, and got people hurt.

I thought the three of us could get together.

Why? Your partner never told you that they were polyamorous, and you never communicated anything clearly, or asked for communication. Did you tell your partner that you thought the three of you could get together? Did you tell your partner that you were going to kiss someone you'd only known for a handful of days (did you get an STI screen before doing that? Or did you harmfully put yourself and your partner in further danger?) Did you tell your partner that you thought they were polyamorous now?

Partner thought they had made it clear they werent poly.

Yes. Because they did. Your partner is right, and is absolutely the wronged party here. You made lies up in your head, in a situation where your partner never told you they were polyamorous.

Partner thought they could get over it and we stayed together but they couldnt. They broke up with me today.

Honestly, I'm not surprised. It sucks that it hurts so much, but I would consider how much pain you've caused and then look at ways to repair that in the future, because guilt on its own isn't enough.

It's important to learn what polyamory is, how to do it ethically (which let me be clear - you didn't), and then how to communicate.

Part of that will be communicating to all future partners and potential future partners that you've done this, and are still working on it, so they have this transparency. Like you don't have to tell everyone, but since communication is a skill you really, really need to work on, this is a good place to start. Self-accountability will go a long way for you, because I feel like you made decisions here that solely benefited yourself and no one else around you and are upset that it didn't turn out the way you wanted when other people got hurt because of that (which...of course they do).

I feel like no one would trust me with anything if they all knew I cheated, and maybe I deserve that, but if I actually deserve absolution orsm then maybe I shouldn't tell everyone.

If what you've taken away from Falling Falling Stars is that you deserve absolution when you've done absolutely nothing to change yourself except feel some guilt, then like... I don't know what to tell you anon.

That's not the thrust of the story.

I also feel like I traumatised myself out of being poly.

I don't think it's such a bad thing to realise the way you were doing it was so damaging to others (and eventually yourself) that you need to actually stop and learn how to do it properly and healthily. The person who got hurt the most in this scenario was still your partner/ex, and it's worth considering the wellbeing all future partners going forward. Because what you described to me was not a partner that was polyamorous, and I literally have no idea how you got that impression, beyond just...lying to yourself for your own ends. Someone telling you 'maybe later' is never ever ever ever consent to literally ANYTHING until you get concrete confirmation.

What steps are you taking to make sure this doesn't happen again?

What books or articles are you reading on ethical polyamory?

How will you ensure accountability with yourself and with future partners?

How will you ensure STI safety if you want multiple partners or any partners at all?

What steps are you making to become a better communicator?

When will you know you're a healthy enough communicator to be polyamorous? (You don't have to be a perfect communicator, but healthy is important).

What are you doing to ensure that you're listening to your partners instead of just making things up in your head for your own convenience?

These are the places I would start. Guilt as an emotion is not the thing that will answer these questions. 'I feel really bad about it' is not practical, active, engaged steps and feeling awful makes sense - you did something awful - but it won't last, and after those feelings leave or dissipate it's important to make sure you have something concrete as a foundation for future relationship/s.

People do deserve forgiveness - but not from everyone, and usually once they've done the work to show that they're willing to change and work hard - that is the point of Falling Falling Stars. Idk if you're seeing a therapist twice a week, or went to couples counselling, or actually have been doing any work at all. You trying to convince me that your partner was polyamorous or ready to try poly in general is a sign to me that you haven't done much of this work at all, but the good news is you can start self-accountability and self-responsibility at any point.

Part of that is acknowledging that just as you deserve love and kindness, the people around you deserve this from you as well - and that happens in the form of honest, authentic communication and compassion, which is something you can work towards.

#asks and answers #personal #pia advice #i am still a little baffled by 'i thought the 3 of us could get together' when you'd only known the person for 3 days #there are very very very few people who are polyamorous who would EVER do something like this #because polyamory is about *relationships* and not swinging or just...open relationships #please please learn about the different kinds of open relationships #it sounds like you weren't actually trying to be poly at all #trying to introduce a new and random sex partner #is something monogamous people do as well #like... just... there needs to be a lot more learning here #and a lot more communication #i hope you find your way anon

[angiethewitch]

Listening to you talk about your hearing aids is really making me want to get them! My hearing is bad enough to be annoying/occasionally inconvenient but I don't NEED them. But I've recently become a parent and I can't hear all the cute little sounds my baby makes 😭 (plus from the next room I can't hear fussing until it escalates to screaming and I worry about that).

What's your hearing like without the aids? What made you decide to get them?

Btw I didn't know that cats made a pitter patter sound when they walked but I asked my wife and xe said our cats do it too!!🥺🥺🥺 Cute!!!

I think not being able to hear your baby fussing in another room is definitely a qualifier for needing them. ive always needed an aid because my hearing has been bad since birth due to traumatic injury to my ears that I won't get in to right now, but my hearing was always juuuuust on the threshold of bad. then when I was 16 I had an operation where they took a small piece of skin from my face and stitched it inside my ear to replace my ear drum, but that didn't work out due to shitty care from the nhs. ever since then the hearing in my left ear has gotten progressively worse. I always had infections as a child and constant audiology tests and then in 2019 I was hospitalised for an ear infection that went systemic and I was really sick.

After it was cleared up I had a check up and the ENT technician noticed I wasn't hearing as well as I should in my left ear - like, at all. I liken the sound to being underwater. I can hear muffled sounds, so if someone speaks to me I can hear them saying something, but I cant make out exact words. my right ear is still pretty bad but doesn't qualify for a hearing aid. it was getting dangerous because I couldn't hear cars, I couldn't hear trucks or lorries reversing, if my right ear was muffled by a pillow or something I couldn't hear fire alarms as well, and it was also just incredibly inconvenient because I couldn't hear knocking on the door or my husband calling me from another room in the house.

After my hospitalisation in the 2019 I was referred to audiology and had a hearing test and qualified for a hearing aid, but either covid messed up my referral or I was just lost in the system (happens to me a lot), so my gp re-referred me and I finally got an appointment and here we are! got the aid yesterday.

before yesterday I probably would have told you I didnt know what it was like to not hear properly because I've always had bad hearing, but when I took my aid off yesterday I noticed suddenly I couldn't hear people laughing outside, I couldn't hear my cat meowing unless he screamed at me, I couldn't hear the birds, I couldn't hear myself walking around. it was like dipping my head into sand or something, everything got very very quiet and muffled. I had to have my husband speaking directly at me again so I could lip read and he had to raise his voice. that's the best way I can describe it really. very quiet and muffled. I cant hear people walk by me, I cant hear them walk into a room.

I never really had a desire to have a hearing aid as I'd never known any different but it was suggested to me and I figured this not hearing thing wasn't working out so why not try it. as I live in the uk I qualified for a hearing aid free on the nhs, so I didnt have to pay the frankly extortionate fees for one. if you are in a country with publicly funded healthcare then ask your doctor to refer you for a hearing test and suggest getting a hearing aid, sorry I don't really know how it works in countries with private healthcare! it's worth a shot at least. even just having your hearing test results on record to keep track of would be a good idea.

whatever you decide, I hope it works out. you deserve to hear all the little noises life has to offer you. I didnt know what I was missing out on

#answers

[golbrocklovely]

Nobody wants to see a repeat of the exact same story ALL the time. Personally i find it weird and annoying and its posting etiquette which is a actual thing, look it up. If someone is not showing your face in a post, doesn’t matter if you are there, why would you go and post the exact same thing not just something similar? Or post to let it known that you were there. Yes they should say something but shes not a child straight into the social media womb, must her hand be held through everything?

They went out to dinner with Kats dad and he posted the food as did Sam. Kat didnt even post about it yet she goes and posts mention not only that shes there but where they were. He posts the dogs and throughout it you keep hearing her trying to talk to make her presence known (someones filming they shouldnt have to tell you to pipe down), then goes and posts the exact same thing. Not just the dogs playing, not Colby playing with ‘em but her doing the same thing. It reminds me of an annoying younger siblings that must do everything the older one does. With his room, come now… she couldnt have started recording once at the window? Its not her room and she just HAD TO get an image of her walking to the window and showing both windows to showcase she was in his room. She has been gatekeeping photos of just them two from edc and hmmm i wonder why? Look at her twitter, you really think he didnt say something? She promised Colby photos not core4. She deleted the tweet that said “i gotchu” regarding it. She has a subscription and somehow her fans know where they’ll be in Europe when once again the boys are staying mysterious about. Colby had literal stalkers, the boys have had break ins, if they chose to tell their sub service they’ll be in the UK, thats on them, thats not a green light for then her to say where they’ll be or for how long to the unsubbed masses. Remember someone not long ago mentioned florida BEFORE it was announced Kat was doing playlist?, who do you think sold “core4 florida” to the fans??? Because it wasnt Kat. Now they’re saying Australia so wouldnt be surprised if in a few you hear snc mention it and her tag along again.

On your question about posting the same thing.Ive seen this issue with literal people before, shoot from different angles but not the same angle same image. Also wait to post dont do it back to back especially if the audience is the same. Plus just because you’re in the same environment doesn’t mean you HAVE TO post the same thing to show you are there. If your presence or someone elses is being kept a wrap then the proper thing to do is not post it but she does not miss a chance this one. He can post a pic of his white claw and you can almost on cue expect her to post the exact same thing right after. Personally not just from a social posting stance, but i’d be annoyed as hell.

i'm so sorry, but… posting etiquette? that's not an actual thing. it's the internet for god's sakes. also, there are no rules to when you want to post and whether or not your friends just posted the same thing. that's all made up.

she's literally only done this a couple times max, i don't see the issue. it's not like she's trying to copy their exact story, and then pass it off as hers. she's in the same place as them, possibly next to them, and films the same thing. why is that a problem? even if her audience is the same as theirs, do you think a majority care?

and again, if it was an issue to snc or kat, then they would handle it. clearly they either don't notice (probably bc they don't care) or… they don't care.

and the post of colby playing with the dogs, that she later posted something quasi similar, isn't that strange to me. they're at a party at a friend's house. they were both playing with the dogs, or at the very least seated next to each other. why would she have to be quiet at a party, when there was music and other ppl talking in the background?

and her in his room, again, i don't think it's all that deep. she might have just wanted to post the front like he did. in this instance, sure, she did copy him. but again, i don't think it's that big of a deal.

the edc thing i never saw but i can see it happening. i remember her saying she had pics from edc she never posted, and she still hasn't. maybe he told her to not post the extra pics, maybe she forgot and so she deleted the reply, maybe she deleted the reply bc the pics weren't good enough to post. idk.

if she is outright telling fans where she is, more so than just saying "oh we're in this town" but giving out info on the place they're staying at or investigating, that's a bit weird. someone should tell her to chill on that. snc have said to us on xplrclub vaguely where they're gonna be, but again, if she's going above and beyond just tagging the town they're in, then someone should tell her to stop.

personally, besides the last thing, i don't see this as an issue. if she wanted to post verbatim the same thing as snc and kat for the next 100 years, then she can do that. bc unless snc and kat tell her to chill, it's not an issue to them. they see her stories, they follow her. and if she was told to chill and keeps crossing a boundary, again, it's on them to either cut her out or lay down the law harder.

#ask #personal #stas

[sleepysandy]

rewatch fmab ep 1

im rewatching since i read the manga

idk why im watching it again tbh

im a rewatcher what can i say

omg didnt even realize that the fuhrer was the one giving orders

i do not remember thr first ep going like tthid

damn the op spoils a lot

but u dont actually realise its spoilers

i totally thought that the fight between al envy glutonny on the bridge was gonna be s thing

i totally forgot that their voices sound like that

what are they doing in the capital anyways

in the manga i think they had rose first before going to the capital

they introduce a lot of important character early even tho they wont matter until later

ed hair down>>>

damn this ice alchemist is dumb as f

im also surprised that all the important characters in the early parts of the story are still vital until the end

which sounds like it should be a basic trait but a lot of stories abandon like half the cast halfway through

i totally forgot that the ice guy knew

quite a few know abt this grand plan

if the ice guy were smarter he couldve sped up the plot

he just has a pretty dumb plan

the music real good rn

ice guy too rash but he got the idea

ooh the black and white with red

what is this guys plan anyways

i shouldve known from the start that bradley was sus

i mean who stares menacingly

i totally missed the father clip

woah ice guy was supposed to be a pillar

these bitches are flexible changing plans like that

i dont think i saw this preview

e 2

i totally didnt expect their dad to still be alive

how long were they living alone

years???

where are social services

i just love the tiny hands when they do alchemy

what they already teased eastern alchemy

damn winry hard as f

asking a soldier whether or not theyve killed someone

cant believe they also teased sensei also did the taboo

ed has some balls

bradley probably knows right

that ed did the taboo

have they already thought they could be sacrifices

ep 3

pretty solid magic structure

the titles go hard as f

city of heresy

thats a slay

rlly asking a normal person to kill someone lmao

even the chimera has signs of transmutation

love the consistency

i also like that u have to may physical contact in order to transmute something

even with the stone

he made a fancy door lmao while escaping

cant believe its been a decade and nothing has come close this show

the 7 were def the best red herring

i totally thought that bradley was the big bad

did not expect the conflict to be deep

thought it would just be abt getting to the stone quicker

ep 4

cant believe scar was introduced pretty late

this manga is so well thought out

like every dot connects so well

cant believe they teased yoki as well

wtf was i not paying attention

sewing life alchemist??

thats too on the nose

bradley knew what was up

he was so sus already

like the hidden eyes

shady glasses

cant u just be a regular alchemist

like im pretty sure he can make a living being a normal alchemist

like cant he be a teacher

up to this point i thought the show was gonna be like a monster of thr week type of show

he fr looks scary

scar looked cool then

the lightning??

amazing

that episode went by so fast

ep 5

rain of sorrows???

amaxing

cant believe lior is real

totally thought lust was the boss of the operation

if villain why hot

hmmm so i think ever since ed took the alchemist exam he was already in line for the sacrifice

kinda funny that scar never got a name

scars the only one who got ed as the fullmetal alchemist right

thats literally a kid scar

he was a baby when the war started

riza ure so cool

armstrong the worst person to fight this guy

since hes the strongest when makes contact but thats also scars gig

woah resembool and ishval are pretty close

WINRY <<33

#fma #fmab

[self-h-rmageddon]

i feel. like bad? i need to get it off my chest!!!!

soo. okay i

i avoided my friends for like.. almost a month i guess. 22 days, the only reason i know that is cuz she counted. i didnt think she would, and i feel.. so much conflict. im avoidant when she brings it up, i dont wanna talk about it cuz i know she wont like what i have to say

she got drunk one night, like *really* drunk and she shared with me some pretty real feelings she probably wouldnt have otherwise. it hurt me, but i know she was hurting too. she *insisted* i speak about it, like. VERBALLY, anyone who knows me knows i fall short there. i

things have just been the way that they were for so long, i guess when it changed it was jarring maybe? ive been the loser. we're all losers, but i was the only one in my entire friend group who didnt have other friends outside of said friend group, but now i do!! and it makes me feel so happy, that i have so many friends i love so dearly yknow? but it makes me feel bitter that she doesnt like that

do you know how embarrassing it was? anytime i THOUGHT i had something good, id go and ramble happily about someone who i didnt realize id be LOSING in the next few months. embarrassing, shameful! but not this time

i guess me talking about it made her feel scared, but it upset me, because she got really upset when i told her i love all my friends equally.. i guess she didnt wanna hear that someone i met less than a year ago could be someone i love as much as her, which i get. i get how it sounds, but its not like that!! i love them UNIQUELY. she brings me things they dont, they bring me things she doesnt, im content and balanced and thankful for all of it

i handled it. poorly, i feel like i handled it poorly but i dont blame myself too much, im not known for this skill i guess. she started crying and it? it was like a joke at first but she was emotional cuz of the alcohol and it very quickly became not a joke, its the first time ive like.. heard her cry? and i felt bad that it was my fault and i really dont know how to comfort someone like that, its not a social skill i have upfront!!! over text its easy to collect my thoughts, but verbally? too much mental energy is being used on holding a conversation alone. but i also dont feel bad because its not WRONG for me to love my friends equally, i dont blame her for how she felt ofc

i didnt think i mattered so much to her, i guess. but she told me about it, and it made me... uncomfortable. like, TERRIBLY uncomfortable. thats why i did it, why i started focusing somewhere else. i came back suddenly, they were in the middle of playing a game and it felt so.. alien? like. it made me feel sick, this is my HOME and i felt like a stranger almost. i know 22 days isnt so long, but. idk, ive tried to keep in better contact, we are playing the games now, as we should!! but the truth is that after knowing it hurt her when i talked about my other friends, i just.. stopped talking about them, but i do things with them EVERYDAY, thats my day!! if i cant talk about them, i have nothing to say i guess

its bittersweet, ive sorta gotten back to being the unhinged loser they enjoy having around ig but i still dont talk as much as before, i dont want to because i dont wanna hurt her yknow? im HAPPY. im happy, so happy

she said she felt ashamed feeling the way she did, said she hates that shit but its still how she feels, i dont blame her. honestly?? its giving bpd like MY PERSONAL OPINION... with the way she described how she felt about me, i think shes one of us but. that adds a whole other layer, the discomfort i felt, is that how i make people feel? when im obsessed with them? when i feel like i cant exist without them? it feels so wrong to say things like this, shes my best friend, ive known her for years.. its just. we dont do emotions, i guess? and i think thats wrong of me cuz she expressed that she wanted it like that, she wanted to be open and vulnerable, and i didnt like it!!! we can do it over text sure, but.. sit and talk with me? she dmed me the other day saying like 'dommm we should vc, i wanna get drunk and have therapy again while you give me good advice'. i ignored her text, on purpose. usually its NEVER on purpose, if i dont respond you can bet like 100% i clicked the message, read it and then went back to what i was doing because i was distracted, or i have a really bad tendency of THINKING my replies and not actually sending them and being like yep. social interaction well done. but no, i ignored it on purpose. anytime she asks us "guys, yes or no..." i say no, cuz i know the question is if she should drink or not. i know she'll still drink anyways, i just leave early, pretend my new sleep schedule is the reason why, pretend im tired because it makes me uncomfortable still

im not good at it!!! i cant give her what she needs like THAT.. i cant have her sit there and tell me all her problems and cry, i CANT because i dont know how to handle it! like i genuinely have no idea how to handle that at all. over text i could probably manage just fine, but she wanted me to sit there, wanted my camera on and everything.. i felt like i really? i mean i TRIED, i did my best, i listened to her, i can always do that.. the problem is she wants advice, you will not get advice from me if im forced to physically speak. so i just feel like i let her down, yknow? i dont know

ive backed myself into a corner probably, im too scared to be open cuz she tends to forget the things she says when shes drunk, so maybe she doesnt remember telling me how she feels about me? i guess theres an added layer of discomfort, because like. when we were 18 i think? she drunkenly confessed that she had a crush on me and it felt really.. ive never seen her differently for that, you can absolutely trust. shes my best friend and i never pushed her away despite those feelings, i just had to tell her i didnt feel the same and it never came up again, and we've been fine! but, knowing how she feels about me now? it makes me uncomfortable because of that, its hard to describe. idk its a lot of mixed feelings!!!! nothing i could ever tell her, probably

and it made me feel horrible for all the times ive ever talked fondly about my friends, or the times i was breaking down so badly over them that i had no choice but to cry and wail in my channel, knowing literally only one of them probably would respond (which was true, they talked me thru it a little bit). thats where our emotional talk ends. i dont want to be emotional with someone i know physically, it stresses me out!!!! yes i love you so much, you are my entire world!! ill kiss yr hair and hands and we can cuddle, we can spend a whole day together and go out to eat, we can sit at home and play games, we can do all of it! but.. online its easy, im words on a screen. physically?

i hate to feel GUTTED. i hate feeling vulnerable, i hate feeling EXPOSED. that first time i went to therapy for fucking GENDER DYSPHORIA and our first session was *wasted*, wasted because i had to tell my mom that i wanted to kill myself. sinking in my stomach. all those times ive had traumatic response to them fighting, the fucking scars because of that, the times my family have seen the scars. IM TIRED imf ucking tired, i hate to feel that way. i hate being exposed i hate having my heart on display i hate it all!!! i hate someone knowing something about me, i wont let myself be pressured into sharing trauma and details, i want it SECRET. share yr trauma with me, thats FINE, but its like. idk i wanted that call to end to fast, it was completely out of my comfort zone and i feel GUILTY for that. im averse to change, i really hate change actually. i made a whole post talking about our dynamic and how i adored it, and then it was sorta flipped on its head? i stopped playing that little dragon game on roblox cuz i was playing that while we were talking and anytime i fly around looking for chests, the memory of that conversation comes back to me. i want to forget

we fit like a glove, we're back to how we always have been when we talk, but.. she mentioned it the other day. thats how i knew i was avoidant for 22 days, she told me she counted. i felt bad, cuz i hoped she wouldnt notice. i couldnt think of anything to say, other than "well.. i was monster hunting idk man" and she sounded upset with me when i said it. we moved on quickly but. im not made for that. what did she want me to say? whatever she wanted, i clearly didnt say it. idk i just feel lost, feel stuck and the worst thing?

i dont want to be exposed to anyone but them. like THATS the thing, maybe if i didnt have them then id be fine with it, but.. it makes me uncomfortable, feels like betrayal. they can see that side of me, no one else can because i dont WANT anyone else to. i trust them, i feel safe enough to be vulnerable around them, its a big step for me and one that i dont take lightly. its not her fault i dont feel safe, and lord knows i trust her!!! its just.. different. opening up is hard, i feel more.. understood? i guess you could say. idk its just. hard to describe. i love my friends so much, but my friendships are all UNIQUE and thats why i love them. talking to either is fulfilling!!! incredibly, in very different ways but still!

idk it just sucks i guess, it makes me sad that me talking about my happiness is a sore spot for her, ive never been happier in my whole life!!! but i know it probably hurts her that it wasnt her that gave me that happiness. theres nothing i can do about that!! she makes me happy in another way, one exclusive to her. we are so sillay in vc, its FUN i have so much fun with her, but i think that.. maybe by telling her that a while ago, i fucked up. i shouldnt have told her she was my BEST best friend, i shouldnt have i just get.. natural tendency to tell people what they want, avoid conflict.

it feels like it established an accidental conflict, one no one else knows about. did i make her think i loved her more than my friend? or my other friend? like it makes me sick, but you cant just BACK TRACK. i cant just say actually? like i love them also yknow. cuz that would hurt her probably, its like im fucked no matter what!!! sure we ahve good chemistry in vc, the best chemistry in that whole friend group when vcing, but? i used to refer to one of them as my spouse like. MUTUALLY, we were married platonically okay. the other one? i love him so much hes so silly and . GRGR like. i just hate this idea, but its all my fault it exists. no backbone. i love my friends EQUALLY. i have a lot of love to give everyone, it would hurt me so badly if i wasnt loved equally, thats why i love the way i do. i even told her, im INSISTENT with it. i refuse to love inequally, it would hurt people and i hate that!!! but. i hurt her regardless, its. IDK man its a lot im just airing this out, she'll never see this, none of them will. good

we can move on from this, we mostly already have. im just scared i might have to put my foot down a bit, and tell her that it made me uncomfortable, i dont want to put her in that situation but if we get there then we get there. we'll be okay im sure

#this is super long im just. need it out #idk how much sense this is making but #its. the whole thing is really mixed and complex alright its like neither of us is in the right #but neither of us is inherently wrong its #too much for my brain unfortunately

[thoughts-and-all-that]

my brother is such a selfish prick

he has known me for all 19 years of my life and i dont even know the last time he asked me how i was doing. if i was alright

oh but his little fiance hes only known for like 2 years is somehow the most important person in this situation

yknow, i toootally didnt have a whole ass breakdown and thats why i yelled, but whatever. i didnt even say anything bad about her. i was calmly trying to ask something and these overgrown children started yelling at me and i was holding on by a frayed thread so i screamed back. all i said was "he keeps bringing me into this" and "im so fucking sick of this shit"

they cant just get over themselves and accept that if theyre going to stay part of this family they have to accept that the mother of my other brothers children is part of this family too whether we like it or not. if you hate her so much send her to a mental hospital where she belongs, but then id have to take care of the kids while my brother is at work and thats what caused this in the first place, cause i am not a fucking caretaker

i didnt like the idea of my oldest brother moving out and going off wherever before but now i hope for it so hes done rubbing his selfishness all over this house

as if they havent been pulling away anyway. we barely see them, he acts like he hates talking to dad, ive barely met who is now my niece

at first this situation was kindve haunting me but now im just pissed. of course its about other people, of course it doesnt matter how i feel, whats going on with ME. when does it matter in any got damn situation how i feel until i put my foot down and make people have to think about me for once.

also fun fact my oldest brother is a huge pissbaby and always gets pissy about everything and yells at the stupidest shit and slams doors over nothing cause he cant handle emotion but yknow, of course hes not the bad guy for yelling. only me. the one time ive yelled like EVER. classic, guys, its fucking classic

quite frankly i dont give a FUCK who is at fault for the drama between the girls, they just need to get over themselves and also LEAVE EVERYONE ELSE OUT OF IT. the selfish duo pretends they never brought me into it as if every comment they ever make to me about that girl isnt them bringing me into it. they never have a good thing to say and love making comments to me about how much of a bitch she is. but sure, you never brought me into it.

ive hesitated so much on my friends request to move into my house because of shit like this but i almost really want it to feel like theres any sense of sanity here, but thatd be so unfair to them at the same time. itd just be so nice to have someone in this house again who isnt some sort of fucking addict. i wish mom were still here. so sick of these people always going out to drink and gamble and whoever knows what and leaving me here to take care of the kids or they just expect me to just be chill i fucking guess

i wish the day i can move out will come faster, i beg for it. i should get a job but i cant drive and i dont have my ged. im so fucked. im so got damn fucked. every job sounds like shit anyway and doing the same miserable thing day in and day out makes me want to .

no one cares. no one ever cares. i scream to a void no matter what platform i speak on, no matter who i talk to, no matter what i say or do. i live in hell masquerading as something else. who the hell do i have to talk to to get a reset haha good place reference he he he he ha ha

im so tired.

#vent #personal #long post