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#also its a relations event! sillies

collaredkittyboy · 3 months

Text

Well it's come up multiple times today so I'll make a post about it.

I think the popularization of the word "twink" has ultimately been really bad for people in general.

I know it's hard to track the positive and negative effects of language but I don't think it's hard to see how creating a word for a group of people wherein the most consistent qualifying trait is "being skinny" is healthy for people's self image. Obviously people have lots of ideas about what it means to be a twink- gay, lacking body hair, feminine, beautiful, young, white- but the most consistent descriptor I've seen is "skinny." Hell, it's even a body type on Grindr; the size below "average."

So it kind of functions as a code word in the gay community: anyone can say that they're only interested in twinks and they don't have to look shallow by saying they only like skinny guys. It's such an accepted attitude that no one really bats an eye when they hear it.

I'm not even going to get into how it's become part of the larger issue of people turning "top" and "bottom" into gender roles 2.0, but that is closely related, because people with any internalized homophobia can look at a skinny, feminine man and turn off their fag alarms by viewing him as a woman or not a "real" man, and it makes twinks more acceptable to society at large.

No, ignoring all of that, one of the biggest issues is that gay men are taught by society that they are only attractive while they are skinny. Just having the label "twink" reminds a boy that people are looking at his body and judging it. There were countless times when I was growing up that people would tell me, "You're such a twink," or argue about whether or not I qualified as a twink because I had body hair. People around you, unpromted, judge your body and give you a label based on it, and that label has a large influence on whether or not you're seen as objectively attractive. I know many other gay people who say they wish they were a twink so they could be more attractive to guys.

So think, you have all these kids growing up being told whether or not they qualify as a twink, and then we have the gay community as a whole where it's completely acceptable to say you're only attracted to twinks. I think its because of all of this pressure to be a twink (in other words, to have a below average weight) that many of the gay people that I interact with struggle with a negative body image or eating disorders.

I mean, people talk about "twink death" like it's an actual event that makes a gay man much less attractive, and no one thinks that, maybe, it's harmful to tell a guy that the very day he stops being young and thin and pretty, he will stop being attractive and celebrated?

I'm not qualified to speak on fatphobia in physical queer spaces because I don't have the ability to frequent them where I live, but I can't imagine that these aren't issues at social gatherings as well. I also can't speak on my own experiences with weight discrimination because so far in my life I have had a naturally thin body, but I have experienced a lot of outside pressure to be thin that have caused me to pick up unhealthy eating habits to reduce my weight in fear that I could become fat later on. Thankfully that is something that I've mostly been able to work past. I'm not an expert, but idk, I just wanted to rant on my silly tumblr blog.

Obviously it's impossible for a word to be inherently bad. I'm not trying to imply that saying "twink" is a magic word with evil powers. Obviously the real issues at play here are fatphobia and harmful beauty standards and body shaming. But in my opinion, the popular use of the word twink has made it much easier and acceptable to express fatphobia, etc, in the gay community by turning "skinny person" into a "type of guy that you should try to be so you can be attractive."

#i know i sound annoying and woke but this is my blog and i can post whatever i want :3 #theres so much more to say but this is long enough as it is #no ones gonna read this anyway #gay #queer issues #fatphobia #cw ed mention

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thydungeongal · 19 days

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TIL that AD&D had sourcebooks for different historical communities (Celts, Vikings, probably someone else). I,don't were they good, but I think that more games shall have little historical textbooks of information specifically for your games. And not only historical, let's make a Traveller supplement that describes real-life fleet and suggests how would space fleet look like

Uh huh! As far as I know there was also a supplement about playing in the time of Charlemagne, the Charlemagne whose closest circle of knights were called Paladins, who went on to give their name to the almost entirely unrelated D&D class of the same name! Rolemaster Classic has a historical sourcebook for Rome!

But I think Ars Magicka is actually the gold standard of this: its sourcebooks are apparently very thoroughly researched, and even though they also feature fake stuff related to the game's unique vision of medieval Europe, based on what I've heard they mostly just act as pretty good historical sourcebooks?

So yeah, I do agree. As bad as some of those sourcebooks can be, we need more of them. Even the D&D 5e sourcebook set during the events described in the New Testament right before Jesus' crucifixion which also might count as heretical but I'm not Christian so don't quote me on that is good simply by virtue of the inherent silliness of putting Jesus in the dungeon game

#thydungeongal answers

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kairismess · 4 months

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hiii can i request for the holiday event, decorating the tree with sunarin? happy holidays to you!!

⋆⁺₊❅⋆ holiday headcanons event !!

day 1: 🎄decorating the tree with rintaro.

🏐 genre: fluff ~~ ✒️ word count: 455 💭 summary: how rintaro suna would decorate the tree with you... 🎄 📣 thanks for requesting anon! if you'd like to request any other prompt for any other character, please refer to my holiday headcanons event and send me an ask!

rintaro can't help but tease you for not being able to reach the higher parts of the tree to decorate. he usually was a quiet guy who didn't really have much to say, unless it would be a surefire way to tease the hell out of you.

"does shorty need a leg up?" he asked you in his casual, soft toned voice, his sharp, pale green eyes gazing down at you with a slight smile drawn on his face. he finds it amusing how you need to stand on the tips of your toes to reach the other branches of the tree.

rintaro also had the tendency to document the silliest and cutest of moments between you two, case in point, him filming you struggling to attach the baubles on the tree. instead of being a good boyfriend and helping you decorate the tree quicker, he films you and praises you (as a backhanded insult) that, "you're doing great, keep it up tiny, you'll reach it in no time," which you promptly reply with a middle finger to his camera, making him giggle.

now, when he's not being a little shit and actually helping you decorate the tree, he does an exemplary job at making the tree light up with colors. he sneaks photos of you smiling and decorating the tree, even snapping photos of you hiding your face from him and flipping him off several times because you know he's taking silly pictures of you.

"what? not my fault my darling is so cute," he'd argue with a soft grin on his face, a sly one, to boot. though, rintaro is also a fan of pranking you, with the little cat you two have together. he loves to place the little kitten on the tree branches to surprise you when it swings its tail out and pokes at your face, distracting you from the task at hand and giving rintaro more opportunities to snap pictures of you to brag to the team about.

he exhausts everyone on the team with his, "can't relate, i'm not bitchless this holiday season," card; you don't know if you should feel embarrassed or flattered.

rintaro does love carrying you for you to place the star at the top of the tree, he hums the opening to the lion king movie when he carries you under your arms and lifts you up high. "see? told ya you could reach it... with the help of your taller boyfriend," he murmurs that last bit out, but you hear it and playfully hit his shoulder, making him wrap his arms around you and kiss your cheeks in retaliation, and as a reward for him helping you decorate the cute and cozy tree.

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stvrdrops · 9 months

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who are you loyal to? ☆ | shuri x fem!reader

the ring on your finger is temporary, while shuri's claim on you is forever. some silly arrangement won't keep from her, she's just hurt you didn't tell her first.

warnings : cheating, kissing, arranged marriage

word count : 4k+

note : this is actually one of my favorite pieces i've ever written, so i hope you guys enjoy it :) also i just skimmed through it instead of proof reading so sorry if there are errors.

as your servants laced up the corset that lays under your black silky dress you couldn't help but dread the upcoming event. you'd been attending the wakandan tribe gala since you were in diapers. your mother and father ruling over the river tribe helped you get the invite after all these years.

when you were young you loved attending the gala. it was a time for you to feel accepted and welcome among the people of higher class. you could relate to the people of your tribe, but you couldn't help but feel isolated. you were the only daughter of your parents, meaning you faced the hard task of taking over for them once they passed.

attending the balls also didn't hurt because shuri had been in attendance. the princess of wakanda obviously had to be in attendance and you were happy to see her every time. when the two of you were just a few years younger you were very close. however, you mainly had to do most of your communication with her through kimoyo beads only. the only time you did get to see each other were at galas or royal meetings your parents would drag you along for. this meant this was the only time you and shuri got the chance to exercise your teenaged romance. your relationship was essentially long distance, without the distance. perhaps social distance and busy schedule distance would be a better term for it.

sneaking around the palace during the galas gave you both adrenaline. stealing kisses behind pillars and escaping the dora milaje at every corner made you somehow fall more in love with her. sometimes you two would sneak off into her lap, where no one would be due to how busy the ballroom was. she would show you all the things she made with you in mind as you sat on the table, smiling wide. you were in awe of her intelligence, while she was in awe of your beauty.

"this one i call y/n prototype number three." shuri said as she showed off a kimoyo beaded necklace, laced with vibranium diamonds. it made your eyes go wide from its beauty. she knew how much you loved jewelry. she also knew how much you liked it when she named her inventions after you.

"it matches your breathtaking beauty."

"oh shuri, stop it! you're too much of a sap." you said, smiling from ear to ear and laughing together as she hugs you.

at one point shuri had even set griot's voice to your own when she was alone in her lab. she had claimed it helped her focus, but really it was the only way she could get any real sleep.

one day she had forgotten to change the voice setting when her mother walked in. this resulted in many questions that shuri couldn't answer due to how flustered she was.

shuri was your first love, first meaningful relationship, and first sexual partner. you two were together for three years, which were some of the best in your entire life. a lot of the most important events in your life involved her.

now, this would be the first time you've seen her since your private break up. it would be the first time that you've seen her since her brother's passing. in his death he handed her the mantle of the black panther, which meant she spent less and less at home in wakanda.

it would also be the first time that you were to tell the queen, and shuri, about your soon-to-be wife. which would make your relationship with her far more public than shuri's.

an arranged marriage was very common within your tribe. your parents had been arranged and sometimes you wondered if they even truly loved one another. your heart had been with shuri, not someone random.

the breakup was caused because shuri was angry with the world. she wanted to burn it into ashes. she thought that because she had lost her brother that she had lost everyone who cared about her. her mind pushed out the thoughts of you, therefore ultimately leaving you alone to deal with your own grief as well.

it was painful knowing that she was dealing with something like this, self sabotaging herself in the process. you knew she would never be the same shuri, which only made you cry more. she was destroying herself and you could do nothing but watch.

however, almost two years had passed since then. this meant you needed to begin to move on, whether you liked it or not. you avoided seeing shuri in the media, blocking news sites and articles from popping up on your kimoyo beads that might showcase her. you refused to attend any formal events in fear that you may see her there despite her busy schedule. you became somewhat of a recluse, only letting your tribe people see you when you needed to go to the market. this ball was the only thing you couldn't get out of, and you tried ever so desperately to do so. your parents went on and on about how you need to stop avoiding the girl you were to marry. really, they had no clue that you were avoiding the girl you wanted to marry.

"they are here to escort you to the gala, y/n." your personal bodyguard spoke out. she had been a part of your tribe and was almost like an older sister to you. she was the only person who knew about the true nature of you and shuri's relationship. she was the only person who truly knew who your tears were for.

"thank you, i shall head out soon." you say to her, a smile on your face to hide the feelings you truly had. she knew it was a facade, but she admired you all the more for it. you were a strong woman, and an even stronger leader someday. she hoped that shuri would open her eyes again to you someday, but it was becoming less likely with your upcoming marriage.

she simply walks away, after giving you a nod. your face turns back to the vanity you sat at. your makeup looked beautiful and your hair was styled high on top of your head. you looked just as regal as you felt. you wondered if shuri would feel the same if your eyes met hers tonight.

"ah, my sweet daughter has finally decided to join society after all this time." your father says jokingly as you bow before the queen. everyone had to do so whenever they entered the gala. you did so, as the princess stood right beside her.

you refused to make eye contact, placing your gaze at anything but her. yet, out of the corner of your eye you couldn't help but watch her.

she had looked older, more mature. perhaps aged by her grief. she no longer wore her signature braids, instead opting for a curly top and a fade all the way around. her jawline no longer seemed childish and her body had been much more toned than before. she wore a dress of her own, it was long and somewhat boxy. it made her look tall and elegant. you curse bast for making her so much more attractive, therefore making her harder to resist.

shuri had been fighting the urge to look at you as well. it proved hard for her, because although she would not admit her cruelty she knew she messed up with you. while you actively went to of your way to avoid shuri, she kept up with you. she watched you in the market when you traveled through. she kept up with your charity work in america at the centers her brother had created before his passing. she thought she knew everything there was to know about you, not being able to let go after all this time.

"i hear we have an engagement on our hands?" queen ramonda asks, causing you to push out a fake smile. shuri can't help but look in your direction now, with her eyebrows furrowed and eyes wide. this couldn't be true, how did she not know? she prayed to bast that you would correct her mother.

"yes. i am to be married."

"to who?" shuri bursts out, her voice cracking a little as she speaks. the outburst causes you to finally look directly at her. your heart skips a beat, and she can sense it. most of all, she can see it, the pain hidden deep within your face when she looks at you. a pain that she caused, and she knows it too. her nose twitched at the realization.

your parents speak for you, considering you're far too choked up. "to make, she also from the river tribe. we thought it best to find someone from within our tribe for her."

"oh, how wonderful-" the queen begins to say, before being cut off by her daughter.

"this was arranged?" she looks bewildered and upset all at once. her voice had arguably raised an entire level and some people even began to look towards her. "do you people not even care if your daughter loves her?"

your mother scoffs as you stand there, stuck in your own embarrassment and surprise.

"shuri! know your place. do not ask such questions!" the queen says, quickly correcting her daughter's unruliness.

"i am sorry mother." she mumbles out, never once taking her eyes off of you.

"do not apologize to me. apologize to y/n and her parents."

in your mind there was nothing to apologize for. shuri had spoken out against something that both you and her knew was wrong. she knew how you felt about arranged marriages. you often expressed your fear to her that your parents would set you up in a loveless marriage someday. she would reassure you, saying that would never happen seeing as how she wouldn't allow it. besides, there would be no worry as long as you two were together. however, now you aren't together. now you were engaged and it was not to her.

"i am sorry elders." she speaks, and then looks at you. "i am sorry y/n."

it felt like her saying sorry for so much more than this outburst.

"apology accepted." your father states, not wanting to dwell on the matter more than you already had. your mother has an angry look on her face, still not taking the apology sincere.

"if you will excuse me, queen mother, i must be seeing my fiancée."

she simply nods her head, "i hope to speak with you about this exciting news later."

"of course." you say before walking off into the crowd of people.

"please excuse me as well." shuri says shortly after you walk off. she only heads off into your direction once her mother sways her away with a hand motion.

"y/n!" your fiancée calls over to you from the bar. her hand is in the air, showing her magnificent diamond on her ring finger. it was the most expensive your parents could get.

"makeya, my love. how are you tonight?" you ask her as you sit next to her in one of the empty chairs. it didn't feel right calling her that nickname, considering you did not truly love her. you loved her as a person. she was kind, beautiful, and ever so considerate of your feelings. had it been another universe you would've loved to be her person. however, you weren't and it felt so wrong to string her along. it wasn't like she had much choice in this situation either, although she seemed quite happy about it.

"i've never been able to attend one of these balls before. i always watched the lavish women enter from afar. i never imagined i'd get the chance to attend!"

for you, this was just a regular day out of the year.

"i'm glad i've been able to give you this experience." the bother in your voice is obvious. you don't even bother to hide it, knowing that you wouldn't be able to.

"is something the matter?"

"not particularly."

"ah, i know what is."

you raise your head, "you do?"

she laughs, "yes, you are probably just too used to these sorts of settings. they are not fun for you anymore."

"oh," you say, a little disappointed she hadn't guessed correctly and called of the engagement right then and there. "sure, that's it."

"y/n?" a familiar voice calls out to you. you would've liked to say you turned slowly to face her, when really it was the exact opposite. it was as if you were desperate for her to call out to you and you jolted up. your posture changed and your eyes widened as you looked at her. your lips went dry despite the gloss and air was caught in your throat. for some reason it felt like you were caught cheating.

"princess shuri?" makeya can't help but ask, the fingerling in her voice is hard to contain.

shuri laughs, and it sends shivers down your spine. the princess watches as the hairs on your arms stand. she was eye-fucking you, and you knew it. yet, it wasn't like you were exactly begging her to stop.

"we should go elsewhere makeya."

"and leave so soon?" shuri questions, making you scowl at her.

"not leaving entirely, just leaving the area."

"oh, y/n. don't be like that when i'm trying to know your future wife."

makeya giggles, not intuitive enough to see what's going on. how she is ignoring the tension between you and shuri is unbeknownst.

"i would love for you to get to know me! i know that you and y/n were close friends once, but she would never give any exact details!"

"oh?" shuri looks from makeya and back to you, "i have many details about y/n. such as one about the star tattoo on her lower hip. you see-"

"enough." you hiss out to the panther, grabbing her arm. "makeya, please excuse us."

you don't bother looking back to see your fiancée as you began dragging shuri out of the ballroom. some eyes fall onto the both of you as you push past the crowd. shuri had a wide smile on her face, knowing she got under your skin. your anger only grew when you realized this was her intention all along.

you don't even realize you feet are taking you to the lab until you reach the smart doors. perhaps it was muscle memory that this is where you decided to take her. if you were being honest, it only made you more angry.

"griot, open." you speak to the ai, assuming that shuri never deleted your voice activations. just as you thought, the doors opened without a second thought.

with your strength you pull her body in front of yours once you're alone in the room.

"what the hell are you doing?"

she scoffs, "that's a question i should be asking you. since when do you feel the need to not tell me you're getting married?"

"it's none of your concern who i am with. you are the the one shut me out! she let me in after you broke my heart."

"i'm assuming pretty easily too." shuri rolls her eyes.

you don't know what exactly you've done until you hear the sound of skin connecting, until you see shuri touching the red mark on her cheek, until you see how wide her eyes are. you don't even notice the tears in your eyes until you feel one rolling down your face. no apology for slapping her comes to your mouth. you can't find it within yourself to apologize. you were hurt by her. hell, you were still hurting because of her. she had lost her brother and you were sympathetic to that. why did she want to lose you as well? that part confused you deeply.

"how dare you?" you ask, your voice breaking. "how dare you start acting like you give a damn about me now? would you have even cared if i wasn't engaged?"

shuri stays silent, fingers still touching her own cheek.

"that's what i thought. you are jealous that i'm happy. you're upset i didn't stick around to put up with your bullshit."

"it is not bullshit. i was grieving."

"we were all grieving shuri, so i understand that. but are you really going to use that as your excuse for pushing me out and then never letting me back in? if so, it's a cheap fucking cop out."

"it was never my intention to fully push you out. i thought i was doing you a favor!"

now it was your turn to laugh, "a favor? you thought that me losing the love of my life would a favor?"

"love of your life?"

you grind your teeth, not wanting to answer that question. her eyes are searching for it, that much you can tell as she looks right through you. your lip trembles as you fight back more tears. this was not the conversation you wanted to have tonight.

"i got scared." shuri begins to say after realizing you weren't going to answer. "i got scared that i would lose you completely, like t'challa. i know you have certain rolls to uphold within the river tribe. i didn't know if i could be that woman for you anymore, living in constant fear that you'd be the one i'd lose next. you deserved to be happy, so i thought that was the only way. i didn't know that it would do the opposite of making you happy."

"you're selfish for not asking me about how i felt. all i ever did was ask how you were doing."

"i won't say that i'm not selfish. i am. i'm being selfish even now about wanting you all to myself. i pushed a lot of people out when my brother died, including my mother. i made amends with her but i never knew how to go about reconciliation with you. now it's too late. you have no idea how many nights i've laid awake sleepless wondering about you."

"then give me an idea." you say, staring deep into her eyes.

"when i realized just how much pushing i'd really done i knew i could never get you back. i had countless nightmares replaying our breakup in my mind. i thought that putting myself into my work would take my mind off of you but it only made it worse. my designs went back to being centered about you. my coworkers knew i was unable to focus on my work. i grew irritated with everything and everyone. i kept tabs on you, but obviously not well enough."

it hurt your heart to know this was how shuri was feeling. however, you knew deep down that you couldn't settle for this. would you have ever gotten this apology from her had you not been engaged?

"i'm telling you this now because i don't want you think i don't love you. i wasn't sure if i could find the courage to admit my mistakes until now." she says, as if she's heard your thoughts. your eyes can't help but go wide. this was the push that shuri desperately needed.

"what did you expect to get out of this?"

"do you love her?" she interjects, not even bothering to answer your question.

"fuck you, shuri."

"fine, then let me ask you this." she says, stepping close to you.

you just keep looking right at her, challenging her with your stance. the feeling of her breathing on your skin makes you shiver.

"who are you loyal to?" shuri asks, gazing into your eyes. she's searching for an answer that she knows she won't get.

"my country, my family, and my people. as every great leader is. you should know this better than anyone." you say back, glaring into her deep brown eyes. you knew she was testing you.

"ah, but not your soon to be wife."

"i am loyal to her especially."

shuri chuckles, "but here you are with me. you're a liar."

you cock your head, smiling at her, "she fucks good." you knew this was a lie. makeya had never even touched your boob without a bra over it.

"oh please," shuri rolls her eyes, "i saw the look on her face when i mentioned your tattoo. she didn't even know it existed."

you grind your teeth together. of course your fiancée didn't know you had that tattoo. you two hadn't actually gotten that intimate yet, knowing you weren't ready for something like that after shuri. even more ironic, it was a tattoo that shuri had given you herself after a drunken night. it was a panther paw. corny, you know. however, it signified that shuri laid her claim on you. which was highly efficient considering every time you stared at yourself in the mirror you would envision her behind you.

"yeah, nothing to say now." shuri says, now even closer to your body. your noses are almost touching and your chests can't help but smush up against each other. her hand makes its way to your face, caressing it softly. "that's cause you're loyal to your princess. not whoever that woman is. i know you're angry and i can't express how sorry i am. however, i will not let you marry her. i will go out there right now and tell them all that i'm marrying you if that is what it takes."

"do it then." you say, offering her a challenge that you don't know she'd actually take. you weren't thinking about how much it may hurt your supposed lover. you weren't thinking about how much it would hurt your mother and father. you knew how hurt you were by shuri, but she was the kind of drug that was the hardest to quit.

you can feel her free hand slipping off the engagement ring you sported on your finger. her eyes never break away from yours as she tries to read the emotion spreading across your face. for some reason, you can't make her stop from throwing your ring across the lab.

then she kisses you. it was nothing like you've ever experienced before. it was better than any first kiss you had with her. it was as if all this wanting built up to a point of no return as her hands found your hips. as she lifted you up onto the table she wasn't thinking about makeya. she was thinking about how you were hers and always would be. her panther powers kicked in as she gripped your thighs, trialing her kisses all the way down your neck.

she smiled in between kisses and sucking as she listened to the moans that escaped your mouth. they sounded like a symphony as they came one after the other. this was what you ached and dreamed for, and damn did it feel good.

"who are you loyal to?" shuri asks again, sounding breathless.

"you.." you moan out, trying to maintain your composure.

"good." shuri states, and then pulls away from you.

"where are you going?" you can't help but ask as you watch her walk towards the exit of the door.

"to tell them you're getting married."

"they already know that shuri!" you exclaim as you fix the straps on your dress and fix your hair she had begun to mess up.

"oh i know. but i am going to tell them you're marrying me instead."

shuri had officially lost it. you attempted to catch up with her as she moved through the halls, but her panther powers made her walk so much faster than you when she was trying. you pleaded with her to not do this, knowing the outcome. the elders would never allow it and you would crush makeya in the same sitting.

yet, you couldn't help but smile at the idea. shuri finally showing the effort you've always wanted from her. your heart ached for this and your dreams were becoming a reality in ways you could never imagine.

shuri was going to marry you, whether the elders approved or not.

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙✧⋆｡°✩☼⋆｡°✩☽

#stvrdrops #fanfic #princess shuri #mcu shuri #shuri fanfiction #shuri x reader #shuri/reader #shuri #shuri fluff #mcu fanfic #mcu fanfiction #shuri udaku #shuri fic #black panther #shuri x y/n #mcu #marvel mcu

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punkitt-is-here · 1 year

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Hey, I saw a post claiming you ship AJ and Pinkie together despite that they’re related I guess? It would be nice if you could clear that up if it’s just a misunderstanding.

HKGLSJFHJLHGHJKFHKGS OKAY SO THATS REALLY FUNNY.

it was for a post where i made a joke about the crew round robin dating before twilight showed up AND if you'll notice: it is not colored. i color nearly all of my horse drawings before i send them out. this was because i had 15 minutes to get this made before i had an event i couldnt miss but i wanted to get the idea out, so I doodled it up real quick. the characters are also fucking copypasted

So the reason is ONE i wanted fluttershy and rainbow to be next to each other and i ALSO wanted to have AJ and RD next to each other and then since i literally had, once again, 15 minutes, i didnt think about putting pinkie and rarity in the positions they were.

reason 2: i forgor. the moral of that episode was that it didnt matter if they were related by blood, AJ accepts pinkie all the same. so i just assumed in my head it didnt matter and they werent related, and even if its some great great x45 grandfather relation that would be a cousin so far removed it wouldnt even matter. when i made this image i completely forgot it was ambiguous if they were related or not and i had forgot the episode existed by the time i posted it. oops oh well!

3. that post probably got made because people on twitter are mad at me and looking for other reasons to justify it aside from me supporting just being chill with queer identity. i dont know how you could extrapolate that im some sort of incest-crazy pinkie/applejack shipper when i haven't really ever drawn ship content of them (or anyone) in the first place, and especially since round robin format works by everyone competing against everyone so literally it would be all of the 5 before twilight shows up. its silly. its silly!!! i literally meant ntohing of it bc i made it quick and im a dummy and forgot about one of the 80+ episodes that id watched up to that point.

i literally have a sibling who's awesome and i love and the idea of incest SERIOUSLY squicks me out so its fucking wild that someone would even suggest im some sort of proshipper incest artist or whatever. i can guarantee its just people deliberately looking for ways to make them more uncomfortable with me so they can justify what they're doing more. i think its very bizarre!

#my posts #asks #queer discourse #???#i dunno a reference to the twitter drama #anyway so thats what thats all about #i was BEWILDERED when i saw someone say that about it #like no??? thats just incorrect???#you are looking for reasons to get mad at me

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nitrokiraru · 5 months

Text

madatowa drama cd notes as someone who has very limited jp knowledge. i am simply using my 4 yrs of high school japanese, google translate, and a dream. just posting this for fun so it’s not like an official translation or anything it’s just basically me describing what’s happening to the best of my ability and also being insane about them

major events that happened that i could make out as like a tldr

-mada reunited with someone he knew when he was little

-towa learns abt mada’s past, mainly around a guy named “kurahashi”

-mayu eiji and kotarou appearance :D being sillies as always

-two yowie moments. first one in an alleyway second one presumably in their home. both are freak nasty as usual madatowa shenanigans

notes:

track 1

-LOTS of fighting noises in this

-towa and mada have a coffee and say it tastes like shinkoumi. some dudes come up to em and try to fight

track 2+3

-somebody notices them and gives them a job. presumably to fight people

-towa fights some people and it riles him up

-this part has already been translated but i just wanna scream abt it here bc!!!!!! towa brings him and mada into like an alleyway or something and he goes “hit me. it has to be you.” and mada says something like “you really are a lost cause/what am i going to do with you, huh?” hits him n his mouth fills with blood and towa kisses mada to make him taste it dnnsjdjd ❤️

-they have a quickie in the third track in said alleyway like the freaks they are

track 4

-a character (acquaintance of mada) called him “kei” which was kinda crazy to me since nobody called him that in the vn

-theyre in south america i believe? it’s funny in drama cds when they go to a country outside of japan and still speak japanese

-this character knew mada when he was little??? omg

-KAGA MENTION

-somebody came up to towa and madarame and said “forget everything you saw/heard today”?!

-there’s a VA in here that lowkey sounds like koujaku dmmd but idk how to check

track 5

-it’s funny how some tracks in here are like 2 minutes and the next one is 20

-dude i forgot how good nitroplus’ like sound effects are these mfs sound like they’re in my ROOM

-towa n mada having a convo abt the previous day. i think they may be arguing slightly? tone feels passive aggressive

-birds chirpin’ and towa’s breathing. he just woke up

-he just said madarame in the softest voice ever… 💔💔

-i think he woke up on their bed and mada left before he did

-towa: where did you go?😕 *track ends*

track 6

-footsteps. towa in a coffee shop once again

-MADA FIGHTING THAT DUDE HE KNEW

-cut back to towa. beep beep boop. towa calling somebody? ITS MAYU KOTAROU AND I THINK EIJI OMGGGGG T__T I MISSED EM

-i missed mayus silly voice

-they keep talking about somebody named “kurahashi” related to mada and kaga

-sasaki and toono mention?

-mayu: did something happen between you and madarame? did you two fight? (in the most teasing lil shit voice ever)

towa: *exhales smoke probably abt to hang up the phone* i’m done. -__-

eiji: HE WAs JUST KIDDIN-

-eiji: mata!! (see you!)

kotarou: mata na.

mayu: mata ne~ ^__^

the difference in tones was cute

-towa walks out of da shop. the dude from before comes up to him and asks if he wants to know what he and mada have been doing

-he like grabs him?? menacing music playing

-ok towa said let me go i think he pushed him up against a wall or something

-this dude is asking towa if he knows abt mada before he joined the takasatogumi. some massive lore bits goin on here (i understand about 20% of it)

-from what i got: madarame and kaga had a promise. lots of talk abt this promise. lots of talk abt madarame’s history with his siblings and takasatogumi. this entire bit is probably really interesting lore wise but i can’t understand most of it…💔 apologies

- enter madarame from the distance to save towa from this dude’s grasp

-he walks away.

-madarame: that guy…what happened?

towa: nothin. we just talked

madarame: really?

towa: yea. (he lyin)

track 7

-they go back home (i think) and enter.

towa sighssss. towa and mada talk time it seems ^__^

-madarame’s voice is so soft when he’s w him…cries

-towa: mentions something abt kurahashi

music: gets Suspenseful

-towa talks abt the stuff that dude told him

-towa ran away into a room?! (once again this would make me more sense if i even understood the weight of that dudes words and the lore of what happened)

track 8 (pretty sure this is the beginning of disc 2? however i’m listening from dlsite so it just shows up as track 8)

-this track is 20 minutes oh god pray for me as i try to even figure out what the hell is happening

-towa goes to see kurahashi and some dude tells him he needs an appt lawl… he lets him in tho

-“you came after all, towa” *suspense music starts*

-there’s a new takasatogumi?¿

-the dude who calls madarame “kei” is here telling him this. actually i think this is kurahashi i’ve just been calling him “the dude” this whole time but maybe it is kurahashi LMFAO i’ll just call him that

-wait the interrogation/euphoria music is playing? they’re still doing this segment in the drama cds omg

-towas voice still remaining the sexiest shit ever god

-IS HE TRYING TO SEDUCE INFORMATION OUT OF HIM or is it just his voice. maybe both

-more lore bits abt mada that i can only get bits n pieces from

-towa provoking da hell out of this mf.

-literally what the HELL is happening some other dude came in i hear clothes rustling and towa said Unhand Me

-HELLO GLASS JUST BROKE THAT SCARED ME WHY ARE NITROPLUS’ SOUND EFFECTS SO REALISTIC

-ITS MADA LMFAKOOK HE BROKE IN AND ASAID “towa. u in here?”

-the guy who sounds like koujaku is back apparently w him. they saved towa :D

-OK WHERE DID EIJI MAYU AND KOTAROU COME FROM I MISSED SOMETHING. i did.

track 9

-more kotarou eiji and mayuuuu. looks like they’re with towa and madarame now

-ok they left lawl

-everything’s all chill now i think that last track was the drama. i can’t wait until somebody translates the whole thing so i can actually understand what da hell happened

-once again their voices when they speak to each other alone are just 💔💔..

-it got a bit intimate at the end there i think i’m abt to hear a secks scene ngl

track 10

-YUP THE JAZZ MUSIC PLAYIN AND THERES KISSIN

-blood and knife(?) mention oh it’s abt to get real crazy in here

-mada: want me to cut you (non-verbatim ish)

towa: yes…..!!

-i’m punching the air.

-*cut sfx* mada: did that hurt?

towa:… feels good

-towa is such a fucking freak (affectionate) my god

-i think mada is licking the blood up oh my goodnes i’m abt to pass out and i’m only 2 min in

-oh he’s . towas whimpering . i’m normal (yes they’re fucking now)

-towa: cut me more. i want it to hurt

-mada keeps cutting him and towa keeps doing that little whimper FAWKKKK I CANR

-after they finished

towa: you’re covered in blood.

mada: whose fault is that?

towa: yours, isn’t it?

-ok that just changed me and i am very glad i bought this CD so i can now listen to it for the rest of time.

track 11 (last one!! ;_;)

-outside ambience. towa talking abt da sky

-at the coffee shop again talking w da waiter

-melancholy music playing.. why am i feeling emotional

-if i heard this correctly mada and kaga had coffee together that tasted like what they’re having rn?¿ madarame talking more abt his past but like. fondly i guess

-madarame said something that kind of gagged towa but IDK WHAT IT WASSSS HE SAID “who knows”

ARKTA song once again for the ending! AND IM DONEEE

ok so. i’m not gonna give a full review since i didn’t understand all of what they were saying but i saw on twt some people are going to start translating it? so perhaps i’ll relisten once a translation is out and give my full thoughts but as of now i loved it regardless. i missed towa and madarame a lot i love their dynamic 💔 just a bunch of freaks fighting mfs occasionally and going anywhere but still sticking beside one other. im rly glad i actually bought it because i get to listen to it whenever AND it’ll probably feel like the first time once i finally listen to it along with an eng translation so i actually know wtf is GOING ON

anyways hi and thank u if u read this whole thing. ’m gonna buy the rest of them soon and also make a review post but probably not as long. the reason is because god i MISSED TOWAS VOICE SO MUCH LOL i must hear it again. that is all

#my txt #slow damage #madarame kei #madatowa

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whole-circus · 10 months

Note

hi! since your requests are open, could I ask for some room hdc?? with characters of your choice 🧎‍♀️

please take care of yourself and take your time!!

Creepypastas room headcanons!

➥ Jeff the Killer, Homicidal Liu, Eyeless Jack, Ben Drowned, Clockwork and Hobo Heart

Oh hi and thank you!! Here you go sweetie! If you wanted someone more then feel free to uptade!! :33

.•┈••✦ 🖤 ✦••┈•.

☆ Jeff the Killer

What a stinky men. Im sorry but his room is messy for sure and you can't convince me otherwise! Dirty clothes, empty cans, leftovers, stains..man, hire him a maid or something. Some dead plants and messy grafitties, stolen traffic signs and construction boards! Propably never in his life made bed, and his sheets aren't changed often.

Definitely has many band posters on his walls too! Maybe some vinyls too?? Mostly the black, red and grey colours can be seen. Hates the big light, so usually sits in dark or with small lamp. His drapes 24/7 covered. He is emo and plays loud music.

Smells like cigarettes and like room that hadn't been aired for long time.

☆ Homicidal Liu

Pretty, clean and organized room! The only 'messy' thing could be mugs he forgot to clean (same tho). Im sure he has gramophone and listen some of this old, silly, romantic songs! Also - a lot of plants, maybe even lego flowers? Couple of this aesthetic posters, some gobelins, small paintings. Photos with his friends, S/O! His bed is almost always well made. He have many books, and an easel (what an art hoe of him).

Mostly green, brown and beige colours. He loves natural light and candles, and if the weather is nice then his windows are open.

His room smells like cleaning detergents, soil and candles (usually the flower ones).

☆ Eyeless Jack

Soo..his room is not as clean, but its caused by his wild side. On his walls and furnitures are many straches from his hands (or even teeth!). Otherwise? You don't have to worry about surviving visiting his room, you have high chance to not caught anything! I would say his room is pretty dark, only becasue his walls are in gloomy colours - maybe not black, but gray, green or navy blue (all in dark shades).

Let's pretend that he actually was into medicine before all his tragic events..pls? Propably has some decorations, like skeleton, anatomy-related posters! Also likes to keep his blinds shut, he is pretty hypersensitive in terms to hearing, sight, smell. And maybe..he would have this small, funny fridge in his room, you know - to keep his..food..fresh!

About the smell..maybe a bit of blood? And something rotten? But its not that strong tho!

☆ Ben Drowned

Musty, dusty and rusty room, but we still love him! He would clean once in a while, and he do that very solid..but that doesn't last long - his room gets messy very easly. When he isnt gaming then he is sleeping..pretty productive, huh? Bed is never made, lots of junk food wrappers, empty (or not) cans..

LED lights 25/8! His room is pretty dark, propably never seen the sun. On his walls are posters from movies, anime and games. Has pretty professional gaming set when it comes to computer (I would describe it but i only know that computer need screen and keybord lol). High chance of having some psp gaming corner! Like bean bag pouffe, TV and stuff. Also! Collects figures like funko pops, anime figures, nendoroids. Ben have pretty nice Lego collection too!

His room smells like sweat and energy drinks.

☆ Clockwork

A bit messy, but in this aesthetic way - in other way, chaos under control! You know, some clothes at the floor or on chair..some dirty mugs..and her trash can is a bit too full..but as I said - everything looks pretty planed..! She has many blankets and plushies (she would never admit to that tho) on her bed.

In her room dominates mostly shades of dark green and white! Has many fun stuff in her room - rocks, animal skulls..sorry fellow animal lovers, promise they were found! But also a guitar! Full jewelry holder - and they are all well made! Thats why they are a bit too messy.. And she keeps many fake plants, she sucks at taking care of them. Clockwork has many string lights in various shapes!

Dunno, but I cant really assign smell of her room! Maybe something like dust and coffee?

☆ Hobo Heart

Ahh I miss this pretty boy to be honest! His room is clean, end of the sentence, thats it. I also think that he would have some pet in terrarium or aquarium - lizard, frog or just some fishes. Even if they are small, he treat them with proper respect and like the family members!

Has white walls with paintings and photos of his friends/SO, but most of the decorations are in shade of red. Also vinyls as decorations and posters of his favorite singers/bands (m sorry but he totally looks like somoene listening to Lana Del Ray vibes T^T) - all in this 'aesthetic way'! Simple light bed sheets, and when his bed is made (which is pretty often) he put pillows that have this silly shapes. Like to keep his room natural lightened and loves candles!

His room smells pretty like vanilia, but its not a strong scent.

.•┈••✦ 🖤 ✦••┈•.

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golvio · 10 months

Text

It’s like…both Hylia and Rauru run into the Robot Problem, where they create/cultivate servants who end up achieving sentience (the Robots in SkSw and the Constructs in TotK) or were already sentient to begin with but were supposed to fit into this grand design to restore the order they’d created (the Sheikah, their respective Links and Zeldas). And it gets a little uncomfortable because both characters are so focused on imposing their respective ideas of order that they…don’t quite see their charges as people?

Hylia at least had the excuse that she was a primordial goddess of Light and Time and therefore had no frame of reference to emotionally connect with the mortals she was charged to protect. Her actions were ruthlessly pragmatic, but it made sense for a god totally alienated from humanity to think like that.

Meanwhile, Rauru has this sort of…naïve carelessness? He descended to earth, took the people living there as his subjects, and even fell in love with and married a mortal woman, but he never seemed to understand that his actions could have unintended and far-reaching effects on the people around him.

When confronted with how the Constructs continued to obey their orders instead of leaving to do other things, he couldn’t really muster up more than a sheepish, “Oops, my bad.” Granted, he was a ghost invisible to everyone but Link at the time, but, still, he never considered including a contingency plan in their programming to preserve themselves and do other things with their lives in the event of his own death.

And then there was him and Sonia positioning themselves as Zelda’s surrogate parents after she lost her original parents in traumatic circumstances related to the Sealing War’s aftereffects. Zelda, having to step up as Sonia’s replacement as his advisor and sole confidant to make sure he kept a level head after the queen died. Not stopping Mineru when she started talking about draconification because he was convinced it’d never come to that. Zelda effectively being primed to accept sacrificing herself a second time to preserve the order Rauru created whether he wanted that or not. And then him taking Link’s arm and replacing it without his permission while he was unconscious, because the Ultrahand is such a useful tool, why wouldn’t he be fine with a little limb graft?

Then there was the whole thing with Ganondorf. Just this catastrophic underestimation of human agency, intelligence, and capacity for cruelty. Zelda herself warned him about Ganon being more dangerous than he seemed, but Rauru waved her off (inadvertently recreating yet another Calamity-related trauma of Zelda’s). Ganondorf might be causing trouble, but in the end he was just like those other funny little mortals Rauru watched over. How could he possibly be able to understand something as divine and complicated as a Secret Stone? Only Sonia could do that, but Sonia was Special because she was so smart and wonderful and he loved her very much, so that didn’t count! Furthermore, how could he possibly come up with a plan that could blindside him and the queen? That would be silly!

(Also, note how he didn’t give any non-Sonia mortals stones until after Ganon proved any one of those funny little guys could master using one without any instruction from Rauru, lmao)

And then the circumstances of Rauru’s own death, and the consequences that had for everyone around him well after he’d faded to myth. Rauru assumed the “consequences” Ganondorf threatened him with were limited to giving up his own life, when what actually happened was that the people of Hyrule were left to deal with Ganon punishing them for Rauru’s hubris, poisoning the land again and again in rage at his imprisonment, while the people themselves had to figure out on their own how to beat back each wave of his bilious rage with no record or understanding of its source. Zelda being left with no guidance for how to return home, forced to make a drastic decision. Mineru, still alive, but unable to intervene was she was just a soul without a body.

Like…I don’t think he’s evil, much less malicious, but the way the story panned out reminded me a lot of the way Rose Quartz kept accidentally hurting the people who loved her because it didn’t come naturally to her to think of other people as equals, or to consider how her actions made them feel. She loved Pearl, but she didn’t acknowledge Pearl’s baggage from their former relationship as master and servant because she’d assumed they’d moved past that simply by never speaking of it anymore. She loved Greg, but she initially didn’t treat him like a real person. She tried as hard as she could to relate to others and understand them, but in the end she committed one last tragic act of thoughtlessness. She thought would be creating this special, wonderful person free of her flaws who would make the world so much better solely by existing and being himself (at least in part, I think, because she hated herself and thought everyone would be happier without her burdening them with her guilt and her selfish desire to run from her past)…only to leave everyone grappling with the emotional fallout of her no longer existing, including her son, who was stuck dealing with the legacy she’d left behind even though that was never her intention.

She didn’t actively try to sabotage her son’s life from beyond the grave. She didn’t think that the things she’d done would catch up to him, that her old family and enemies would treat him like an interchangeable replacement for her, or that her friends would treat him in strange ways out of grief at losing her. It just…never occurred to her.

But the thing is, I’m not sure if Rauru was intentionally written that way. If he was, the narrative wasn’t really interested in dwelling on the consequences of that, instead treating him and Sonia more like figureheads of this lost, idyllic past that the present must grieve and then strive to follow the example of, even if the present was suffering due to paying the debts of their ancestors’ carelessness.

#legend of zelda #loz thoughts #totk thoughts #totk spoilers #steven universe spoilers #long post #rauru #hylia

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apollos-boyfriend · 11 months

Note

what's a festa junina if you don't mind my asking?

i don't mind at all!!!! i love sharing stuff about brazil <3

okay SO. festa junina directly translates to "june party", and are sometimes also referred to as "festas de são juão" (saint john's parties) because we're in brazil and everything has to be related back to religion somehow LMAO. they are festivities that take place in, obv, the entire month of june, although some can last up until like, late august because by god do brazilians love a good party. traditionally, they're held to celebrate the harvest season, rain, and marriage (*cough* which is why it'd be great to celebrate it now with the spiderbit wedding on the horizon *cough*). it's brazil's second-biggest festival, second only to carnival ofc, and has very rural roots in its celebration style due to largely being a harvest/farming based celebration!

so!! festa juninas are typically held in wide open areas and absolutely COVERED in colorful decorations. largely banners, as shown above, but there are also different tents/stalls full of food, games, and other stuff for people to enjoy!! festa junina is kind of heralded as the best time for food/snacks bc it's FULL of sweets and other treats that aren't that common to find en-masse during other times of the year. as shown above, it's also super common for HUGE campfires to be lit (fogueiras) for ppl to dance around and stuff :]

due to being so heavily inspired by/created in rural areas, the standard dress code is very much of a stereotypical rural farmer (called caipira in portuguese!). the standard is for men to adorn straw hats, flannels, and working boots/pants, while women wear their hair in ribboned braids, dot freckles on their faces, and wear rustic dresses on top of it all! the dresses can be EXTREMELY over the top sometimes to the point of camp and i fucking love them so much. genuinely some of my favorite memories are shopping for dresses for festa junina.

as i said, games are a BIG part of it too! a lot of festa juninas are hosted by schools so they need stuff to entertain the kids, but honestly, as a grown adult i still will go to them in a heartbeat. they're largely the typical festival games of ring toss, three-legged races, etc, but i cannot put into words the certain Charm of them. like. by the time festa junina starts it's at least sundown, if not fully night, so all the stands are lit up by the yellow-orange glows of shitty lanterns/fairy lights and. ough. that is my heaven. (fun fact, me and my cousin once won like, a dozen goldfish from one of these. good times.)

and last, but certainly not least, i GOTTA talk about the dancing!!! we call it quadrilha, and it's kind of like square dancing, i guess? it's a very silly and over-the-top dance that's The biggest even of the night. the dance follows the story of a wedding ceremony (rehearsal? i can't recall) which again would be PERFECT for the current events on the smp.

and yeah!! there's a lot of other stuff and they can vary from region to region (i'd love for other brazilians to share things i may have missed :Oc) but overall they're just a HUGE event in brazil and for brazilian communities that really just unite everyone in one huge night (or nights) of partying!!

#muse talk #shortguyswag #I HAD TO REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THIGN BC TUMBLR LOST IT #BUT YEH!!!!! i love festa junina :3 #some of my fondest memories of home r held within the month of june for this very reason #there r so much love in these parties and there is so much love on the qsmp that it is perfect to hold one i think #<- extremely biased

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bradshawsbaby · 2 years

Text

I’m Here

Pairing: Rooster x Wife!Reader

Author’s Note: Based on this request from @venomhorse-blog. This one is connected to the events in Breathe, but it can also be read and understood on its own.

Warnings: Pregnancy, perinatal anxiety, nightmare related to childbirth, angst/comfort, plenty of fluff to satiate your sweet tooth.

You had always found bad dreams to be so unfair.

They had the power to paralyze you, to fill your mind and body with untold terror, to grip you in the midst of crippling fear, and all while you were unconscious and supposed to be getting rest. It seemed particularly cruel how they came unbidden, unable to be controlled or stopped until your body finally forced you awake.

You had never struggled much with nightmares, thankfully. Sure, you’d had the run-of-the-mill nightmares that had sent you running into your mother’s arms as a child, and you had bad dreams that woke you up with a small start every now and then in your adult years, but it wasn’t until a couple months ago that you’d started having such persistent and frequent nightmares. Those nightmares often left you trembling and crying when you awoke from them, an uncomfortable feeling settling in the pit of your stomach even after the dream world had vanished like a puff of smoke.

At least now you knew what it was, and that gave you some small measure of relief. A few weeks ago, your OBGYN had diagnosed you with perinatal anxiety, a type of anxiety brought on by the hormone changes your body was experiencing during your first pregnancy. Though knowing about this condition didn’t make the nightmares go away, at least it gave you, and Bradley, some explanation for them. Your sweet husband was always there to wrap you in his arms and whisper reassuring words when it all became too overwhelming.

The nightmares usually followed the same pattern and all revolved around one theme—the birth of your child. Sometimes they were silly enough worries—you and Bradley getting stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital; you having to give birth on the side of the road; the baby getting stuck and not being able to come out. But sometimes, like tonight, they were a little more alarming.

In your nightmare this evening, you and Bradley made it to the hospital on time and everything seemed to be going fine. Childbirth felt painful in your dream, but in that hazy, dreamlike way that kept you from experiencing the real brunt of it. But when your child was born, however, the doctor didn’t place him in your arms like you would have expected. He didn’t say anything at all, in fact. Instead, he and the nurses just turned and walked out of the room, taking your baby with them with no explanation. When you turned to ask Bradley what was wrong, he was suddenly gone, too, and you were all alone.

“Where’s my baby?” you cried out, hearing your voice echo all around you. “Where’s my baby? Give me my baby!” you started screaming, pounding on the hospital bed.

You must have been screaming and pounding on the bed in your sleep because you slowly found yourself being gently shaken awake, Bradley’s voice sounding far away and muffled at first, before coming more sharply into focus.

“Honey,” he was saying soothingly, his strong hands lightly gripping your shoulders and providing just enough pressure to be comforting without overbearing. “Honey, wake up. It’s just a nightmare.”

“The baby! The baby!” you exclaimed, tears trickling down your cheeks as you tried to sit up, shaking your head back and forth and trying to make sense of where you were.

“Sh, baby,” Rooster murmured, pulling you into his arms and tucking your head under his chin. He ran one hand up and down your back comfortingly, rubbing slow circles against your skin. “I’m here, I’m here,” he repeated, feeling carefully for the slowing of your heart rate. “You’re fine. The baby’s fine. Everything’s fine,” he added gently.

Finally coming to your full senses, a massive wave of relief crashed over you as you realized that it had just been another bad dream, and that your baby was still tucked securely inside your belly, which had barely popped since you were only in your first trimester. Once that relief started to pass, and the adrenaline began to wane, however, you burst into tears, clinging to your husband.

“I’m sorry,” you sniffled, resting your head against his shoulder. “Another stupid nightmare. I’m so sorry, baby,” you murmured, gratefully accepting the tissues Bradley reached over to grab for you.

“Baby, you don’t have to apologize,” Bradley said firmly, thumbing away some of your tears and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “That’s what I’m here for. To help you get through it, however I can,” he said, wrapping his arm around you snugly. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“It was scary this time,” you admitted in a quiet voice, twisting the tissues in your hands. “Everything was going fine and then the doctor and the nurses took our baby away and wouldn’t tell me why. And then you were gone and I was all by myself and no one would tell me—”

Seeing that you were starting to get worked up again, Bradley gently placed his fingers against your lips and then smoothed your hair away from your face. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your temple. “I’m sorry you had to experience that, even if it was just a nightmare. I’m here, okay? I’m right here,” he told you, lifting your hand and pressing it against his chest so that you could feel his solid warmth beneath your palm. “I wish that I could take this from you, honey. I wish I could carry it all for you so you didn’t have to,” he murmured quietly, his eyes filled with regret as he gazed at you.

“I wouldn’t want that,” you whispered, reaching up to cup his face in your hands. “But thank you, baby,” you added, kissing him tenderly. “Hopefully when I get to the second trimester, this will start to fade, like the doctor said. I’m just so mad at myself for—”

“Hey, hey, none of that,” Bradley insisted, bundling you close in his arms once more. “They’re nightmares, honey. You can’t control that. No beating yourself up over something you can’t control,” he said, resting his forehead against yours. “Okay?”

“Okay,” you nodded slowly, smiling at him with an affectionate expression glowing in your eyes.

“Do you want me to make you some tea?” Bradley asked suddenly, referring to the chamomile you’d been stocking up on as of late. It often helped you fall back asleep after a bad dream.

“It’s late, baby. You don’t have to,” you replied, shaking your head as you left your crumpled tissues on the nightstand.

“I want to. It’s the least I can do, if I can’t do anything else,” he told you, already climbing out of bed. “I’ll be right back,” he added, pecking your lips quickly.

After a couple minutes, you started to feel restless without him, so you climbed out of bed as well and padded to the kitchen on quiet feet. When you got there, you smiled at the sight of your husband setting the kettle on to boil and reaching for your favorite mug. He caught sight of you out of the corner of his eye and turned around.

“Hey, what are you doing? You should be laying down,” he said gently, walking over to you and resting a hand on the small of your back.

“I’ll go back in a minute. I just wanted to sit with you,” you explained, walking over to the kitchen island. You were going to take a seat at the small kitchen table, but instead you ended up wandering over to the freezer, where you knew there was still a pint of your favorite ice cream.

“Someone’s going for the full midnight snack,” Bradley teased affectionately as you pulled the ice cream out of the freezer, not even bothering with a bowl as you peeled the lid off.

“Apparently so,” you laughed, opening a drawer and pulling out two spoons. “But I’m willing you share,” you added with a grin, holding one out to him.

“Very generous of you, Mrs. Bradshaw,” Bradley chuckled, accepting the spoon with a wink.

The two of you leaned against the kitchen island together, digging into the ice cream as you waited for the water to boil. Bradley was kind enough, as always, to let you take the bigger portion.

Once the kettle started whistling, Bradley grabbed a chamomile tea packet and dropped it into your mug, then poured the steaming water over it. He added a few drops of honey, which magnified the heavenly smell.

“Alright, my little sweet tooth, time to go back to bed,” Bradley told you, playfully tapping you on the behind as you stuck the ice cream back in the freezer. He held your mug of tea in one hand and wrapped his other arm around your waist as the two of you headed back to your bedroom.

Ever the doting protector, Bradley made sure that you were comfortably in bed first, your tea resting on the coaster beside your side of the bed, before he climbed back in as well.

“Alright, baby girl, I hope the tea helps,” he said, biting down on his lip. You usually never had more than one nightmare in a night, but sometimes they had a tendency to rattle you for hours afterward.

Tonight, however, you were feeling alright.

“It does,” you nodded, taking a few small sips of the calming chamomile. “But you’re the one who helps most of all,” you told him softly, putting your tea down so that you could lean over to kiss him. “Thank you for always being there for me, baby.”

“That’s what we promised on our wedding day, huh?” he asked with a smile, though you knew he was completely serious. “I’ll always be here, honey.”

“I love you,” you whispered, lowering down against your pillows and snuggling up under the covers, closer to his side.

“I love you, too,” Bradley murmured, running his fingers through your hair. “Get some sleep, baby,” he said, bending down to press a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll be right here.”

That was the only thing you needed to hear to be able to sleep peacefully.

#rooster bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw #x reader #x female reader #rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw x reader #top gun #top gun: maverick #miles teller

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calypsolemon · 7 months

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I would love to hear your thoughts about the Black Rose arc: what actually happened in the past, how any of the shit that goes down there actually helps Akio, any thoughts you have to throw at it honestly that arc is still kinda baffling to me

Sorry for taking so long to answer this one anon, I'm currently trying to move apartments! Also this is a DOOZY of a question because the tl;dr is my interpretation of exactly what happened during black rose constantly shifts. Quite frankly, the exactly circumstances of Mikage's past is so nebulous, that "what actually happened" might honestly not even be the right question to ask (but we shall try regardless!). Fair warning, this gets long as fuck.

So, to begin, here are the things I think actually "happened" in Mikage/ Nemuro's past:

A teenaged, socially outcast "genius" named Nemuro is recruited by the equivalent of the student council (100 boys) of the past, without knowing or caring what his work is for. He considers himself incapable of emotion, and seems to even lack passion for his work.

He meets a woman named Tokiko, who is involving herself in this process in an attempt to preserve her terminally ill brother. He also meets said brother, Mamiya. Both leave an impression on him, causing him to suddenly understand his fellow student's pursuit for both emotional connections, and their drive to gain power/ eternity.

Akio eventually approaches him with a letter and a ring, commanding him to do something that is not clarified to the audience, officially letting him in to the "council" of 100 boys.

Some time after this, Mamiya dies. Nemuro burns down the building they were conducting their experiments in, which he defends as necessary. Tokiko rejects this action, and shortly after leaves Ohtori.

These are pretty much the things i can say with like.... 99% certainty are actually true of the past. But obviously, that leaves quite a few gaps. So let's talk about the whole of black rose and the symbolism and meaning it presents, and try to see if we can work backwards from there.

Black rose is, mainly, an exploration of the first arc's duelists through their various foils and related side characters. Each black rose duelists not only expands on previously minor character's desires and flaws (setting them up nicely to pair with the final set of duels), but highlights the main duelist's own by contrast. This being said, it is clear through both visual similarities and spoken ones, that Mikage is intended as a foil to Utena, and through him we are intended to understand Utena and her motivations for fighting these duels more deeply.

It is also the arc which begins to introduce the audience to the more abstract nature of Ohtori - where before you could mostly excuse time and spacial inconsistencies as silly magical girl hijinks, now the series forces you to see itself as less of a coherent sequence of events, and more as a collection of symbols presenting an emotional truth about its characters. We begin to understand the idea of "what exactly is happening" is less important than "what is this character feeling and thinking? What is the world through their eyes?" Which again, serves to have us understand our main duelists on a deeper level.

So what understanding are we gleaning from this arc? Well, I would say the main idea we can draw from this arc is that human memory is incredibly malleable and prone to deterioration, and the pursuit of the perfect preservation of memory (eternity) is essentially a fool's errand. This was already an idea introduced to us in the first arc - most obviously, I'd say, through Miki and his idealization of his past with his sister - but it becomes even more blatantly true in this season as we watch a literal dead man walking become so thoroughly manipulated by Akio that he doesn't even remember the face of one of the only two people he's ever claimed to care about, despite his motivation of preserving said person.

Throughout the two episodes that end the black rose saga, we see a distorted version of Nemuro's life, one cut up and pasted over to focus on things that will ultimately drive him to the actions Akio wants him to take. Seemingly, Tokiko is the one he falls in love with, and is the one to motivate him to reach eternity (the fingers point to her, her cup with the lipstick stain, her kissing Akio instead of Nemuro), and yet Mamiya is the one whom Nemuro pictures by his side, whom he kisses on the bleeding fingers, who he tells is suited to the role of Bride. He reconfigures his burning of the Hall as a grand sacrifice at the hands of Mamiya, a necessary step towards reaching eternity like they both want, and yet it was he who started the fire, Mamiya having been long dead, and having clearly stated before his distaste for the stasis of eternity.

These inconsistencies parallel Utena's own, to the point that they essentially serve as foreshadowing to her own end. Utena (Mikage) reconfigures her childhood concern for Anthy (Mamiya) into a more traditional, heterosexual crush on her prince (Tokiko), which motivates her to become part of the dueling system. Utena (Mikage) wishes to help Anthy (Mamiya) but she disregards Anthy's (Mamiya's) personhood and plays into Akio (Tokiko's) desires instead. She refuses to confront inconsistencies in her memories, or the possibility that the meaning and goals she gleans from them may be harmful, because they carried her up until now - this is blatantly said in the conversation between Mikage and Utena, and it is true for both. Their precious memories leave both in a state of eternal adolescence, constantly seeking their glimpses at eternity, but unable to see how they are being used for it.

That, I believe, is the core of the arc and its purpose and the general gist of what happened. I suppose that really leaves the question: what was it all for, exactly? And to that end I say... what is any of the dueling system for? Akio's purposes are just as vague as anything else in the series, and its because he himself is a seeker of this empty "eternity." His main goal is to keep everyone in the same stasis he is in, so he can maintain his position of power, while toying with the idea of returning to his own idealized past self. Most of what he does is cruelty for cruelty's sake, with a thin veneer of "purpose" behind it to justify it to himself and others. It's only when Mikage and Utena both confront the truth of their memories and let go of those implanted ideals, do they graduate from Akio's influence, a "death" in the eyes of those unable to look at the world outside Ohtori.

#rgu #revolutionary girl utena #black rose arc #mikage souji

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shellshooked · 13 days

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Can u plz do more of the Zelda movie au? I really like it and would like to see like maybe a documentary comic about the filming and are the actors for link and Zelda dating or is it just them as characters? (u don’t have to actually draw that if u don’t see this or u don’t want to)

im so late replying to this but i have SOOO many ideas on the zelda movie au!! let me share some lore hehe

So you know the spiderman actor and his love interest actress dating curse? how every actor that has played spiderman ends up dating the actress for mj / gwen Stacy? i like to think it's a similar trend with the zelink actors, except not all of them are dating. Botw / totk zelink DEFINETLY and the actors like to keep the details of their relationship private, but Link is NOT shy about how head over heels he is for zelda

Skyward sword zelink? you can never tell. it's the type of dynamic where Twitter stans are dying to know and interviewers always ask them about it but they both dodge the question successfully each time. They could be besties. They could be secretly married. Nobody knows.

Now, oot zelink are not dating, but in my head they're like Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson. Ride or die besties, and they're the biggest oot zelink shippers you'll ever find.

Tp zelink aren't necessarily dating, perhaps some tension (?) however i like to think that their dynamic is more a trio one with midna's actress, who's best friends with zelda and they both playfully bully link

You know who else bullies link? oot ganondorf's actor. Irl he's actually in super good relations with every cast member and probably the warmest kindest most solid dude you'll ever meet but in every interview, every red carpet, every con event he always pretends like oot link is a nuisance and that he's only doing this because he's getting paid. When the Wind waker releases, he's obviously cast again (because duh, same ganondorf, so he's also in the Twilight Princess movie), and he takes care of link and tetra very well on set and makes sure they're always comfortable as child actors, all while he acts to be this super evil guy on camera. I love this duality, I feel like he would be so chill to talk to

In a way, I feel like the major cast from the franchise all know each other one way or another whether they're friends or just professional colleagues, they all relate to each other in some way. There's always a playful competition between botw and ss zelink actors on which pairing is the best, tp link's actor always jokingly disses wind waker for its seemingly childish approach while ww link insists his movie has the better soundtrack.

And now I'm rambling, and I definetly did not mean to dump this all on your ask omg I'm so sorry but this au transpires so much fun to me it makes me silly

#also forgot to add this but totk ganondorf actor would be very aware of the thirst train about him and acts very smug about it #loz #tloz #rias blurbs #tloz movie au #zelda #the legend of zelda #legend of zelda #tloz au #zelink #breath of the wild #twilight princess #wind waker #ocarina of time #skyward sword #tears of the kingdom

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oksana-moods · 7 months

Text

Queen of Promise - Part 10

Summary: The hell you were put through seems endless.

A/N: To those who are still around: you are lovely. Please, make yourselves known, it’ll give some confidence and will certainly help with this detachment I’ve been feeling with writing.

You’ll gona ask, what about part 11. I know. Well, I don’t know when we’ll see it, I’ll try to work on something the next few days, but as I said to that anon, I’m going through some work stuff and it’s draining a lot. Let’s hope for the best.

Warning: Angst, blood, gore, torture?, mentions of death.

Previous Parts here

"Hopeless and taken"

There was something funny about the dark. How your eyes adjust to the environment to the point that first, you are able to discern things, later you can properly see things in the dark. And then, then you start to imagine it.

But maybe the imagination part is not related to the darkness that enveloped you in that cold stoned dungeon at all. Maybe your hallucination was due something else entirely.

Perhaps, how you could barely feel your toes because the weather started to show or how you hadn’t properly eaten ever since they left you in this hellhole had something to do with these things you supposed you’re imagining.

Or that rat really ate something that lingered around a piece of bone long forgotten in the corner and you swore there were no other leftovers except your own flesh, it probably would be the next thing that animal was going to eat. See, it was hard to tell one thing from another in the dark.

Also, in the dark, it was really easy to lose track of time. There were no windows, and usually dungeons are held underground, there wouldn’t be any windows, that’s why you didn’t know whether it was day or night.

Furthermore, it’s pretty hard to grasp how much time has passed while you’re out of consciousness. You don’t say you sleep, because this way, you’d be outstretching this word and its meaning. No. It was understandable even, you know you pass out after your body gives up due to exhaustion, hunger or because you’re beaten until you can’t stand anymore.

There was a lot to say about the dark, and you didn’t like it at all, but the dark is doable. The silence though, was something else.

It was deafening. It was maddening.

The silence remained imperturbable.

Except for the occasional sound of rats and mice fighting for some dirt somewhere your eyes often couldn’t reach, the sound of your chains clicking when you moved or the eventual whimper you failed to conceal in the depths of your despair.

There was no other sound.

After a while, your heart began to process the situation you were in. Alone, thrown into a cell, all the respect due to someone like you had been neglected. Not that you expected to be treated like a princess of your status should, but at least, you supposed you should be treated fairly, at least.

However, reality was far worse than the things you believed were fair.

You had experienced war, fights, battles, treason attempting, riot and several other crises throughout your short life as a ruler aspirer, by the gods, you even endured to be held as prisoner before.

Yet, nothing compared to the taste Wanda’s betrayal left in your mouth.

Maybe you were being silly, sulking into your misery instead of putting up a fight or trying to find a way out of this nightmare. Perhaps you should be doing these things, trying to turn the tide of events to your favor, however, there isn't a single bone capable of keeping going. You were paralyzed.

Frozen in time and place, your head still insisted on wrapping itself around the last events, filled with thousands of questions that you knew you probably wouldn’t get any answer to. Have you been naive for falling in love, or have you been just reckless?

When did Wanda decide that you were the weakest point in this whole story? Was this play obvious to everybody that you would fall for a lie incarnated in a perfect body with a beautiful face?

Maria did warn you, though. Maybe it was obvious to everybody else except to you.

Certainly, if you had your head in the right place, you would find this embarrassing. However, right then and there, you realized it was just sad, because to you Wanda was everything, and all she’s done was use you for her personal purposes. You were just a prey that failed running off the huntress.

Time seemed to drag itself at a snail's pace, but then again, you didn’t even know how much time had passed. For all you knew, it could be a month already. Even if you were able to count a hundred of days, you supposed your mind wouldn’t stop its assault with the thoughts of Wanda.

It was all too impressive the way your heart still yearned for the woman, even though your feelings were shattered on the floor, broken beyond repair. Too bad something so good took this unexpected turn and the bitter taste was just another reminder of how unbelievable this was.

How unfortunate your heart happened to be in the middle of everything.

All those beautiful moments you had shared were nothing but a ploy, a set up built on lies. And you wondered how long it would take for you to swallow down your throat the shards of your ego that threatened to choke you or to pick up the shreds of your heart poured in the wind.

The salty, ironed copper taste was the first thing your mind was aware of as it drifted back into consciousness. Usually the cold, hard ground felt like a twisted, sick embrace to your beaten body, except, you awoke on your feet, body hanging from the ceiling by the chains.

The dim light reaching your eyes creeped from the creak between door and floor betrayed the torches burning in the corridors. It could only mean one thing. It was late and someone would be walking through these halls. Other than this, the heavy door made with iron never allowed you a simple glance of anything else.

Besides, maybe, by the small opening in the middle that was usually closed except when the guards opened it to come and check up on you. It always made you feel like an animal in a zoo, and you supposed you were the main attraction in this godforsaken place. It was almost disrespectful the number of times they came to see if you were in the same place.

As if you could go anywhere else.

The chains hanging from the ceiling were their first guarantee that you couldn’t move more than a foot unless they loosened it enough for you to lay down on the floor. This mercy was granted only for a few hours.

They made sure you wouldn’t mistake your staying as an unwanted vacation in the Northern Castle. And this was definitely not your winter cabin to enjoy the glamor of the current season. You were a prisoner after all, not a guest.

And then, perhaps worse than everything else, there was the smell.

The room ricked to death, rot, and body fluids. The smell was awful. Sick. It made your stomach churn, and your vomit was a new addition to the horrid smell impregnating the walls, your clothes, skin and nose. Hell, even your brain was probably infected with this stank.

It hadn’t been long, you mused, but your clothes were wasted already, torn to shreds. Your hair clang to your head and face due sweat and blood, and you knew dirt was just another layer of your skin by now.

However, no matter how fucking dreadful your situation was, no matter how fucking awful you were feeling. Nothing would ever compare to the feeling of Wanda’s betrayal.

Right on your first day, Vision had come to your cell to gloat and brag about your stupidity and naivety of falling on their plan like a deer hunted by a huntress. Every word stung deep and deeper on your entire being, but you wouldn’t let it show.

That’s why you decided to headbutt him, which earned you the pleasant view of his face contorted in pain and embarrassment. But as the blood slid from his nose, blood slid from you too.

With an incredible amount of stamina, strength and hatred Lord James Barnes, pleasantly, whipped your back until your legs gave in and you couldn’t keep up by yourself anymore. Blood splattered on the floor, over the walls and even his face.

The wicked smirk present on Vision’s face turned into a satisfied grin once your low grunts of pain became higher, though never really screaming, he contented himself with your humiliation after you couldn’t stand on your own anymore.

Obviously, you were ashamed of showing any sort of weakness before your enemy, this was one of the first lessons you were taught when younger. The shame burned just as the wounds on your back burned with an angry fire as if your skin was boiling from inside out.

Still, it didn’t burn or hurt as much as the thought of Wanda.

The memories of your moments with Wanda Maximoff assaulted your brain mercilessly, without invitation, without stop. Nothing could erase the feel of her touch or her lips. No matter how hard you tried, though brief, your time with the Princess of Sokovia was beyond intense.

You’d experienced love for the first time. It was fast and strong like wildfire; it was only obvious that the devastation in its wake would be just the same.

You didn’t even need to be dropped in a cell to rot into oblivion to be punished because your broken heart was punishment enough. No matter how many physical assaults the Sokovians could think of it would still be nothing after what Wanda did.

Your internal whimper came to a halt when you heard the dungeons floor clicking with the sound of shoes. You weren’t aware if you were the only one in these chambers, but you knew better. This would be Vision, coming for another nice chatter.

He must be bored.

“Lioness, good to see you awake.” The man hissed as he entered the cell you were in. One would expect to be treated like someone of your status would, but this was a piece of Hell on earth. Sokovia didn’t regard the nobles as the other realms did.

Therefore, you didn’t reply. You stood there eying him with disdain, gritting your jaw and silently pleading to the gods to give you strength to not break his nose again. You could endure the pain, but you weren’t mad. Yet.

“Hm, not feeling so talkative today, are you?” Sir Rumlow snarled a few feet from you and in a span of milliseconds, your body moved so fast that one would think that you acted on instinct.

In a blink of an eye, your hands gripped the chains holding your wrists and with an unexpected force, you lifted your body and dropped your legs around Rumlow’s neck. You pressed your thighs hard against his head and the feeble lights coming from the torches allowed you to see his face turning purple due lack of air.

Lord Barnes stopped you from killing the man after he punched your ribs with the hilt of his sword. The searing pain ripped the air out of your lunges and your legs automatically left the knight’s neck and sought to support your body.

You were granted, though, with his embarrassed eyes, coughing lightly due the pressure your legs had put on his throat. You smiled lightly, taking this as little victory to your personal score of vengeance.

The good feeling was short lived, for Vision took one step closer to you, though a little more preoccupied about your fighting skills even chained to the ceiling like you were, and his smirk was on.

You’re yet to see this man without that smirk and you knew, somehow, that he posed like that because he thinks he’s won the war.

Maybe he did.

“I wouldn’t be so smug If I were you.” His eyes darted around the place as if to indicate that there was nothing to be amused about. “You’re still in this hellhole and I can see your face stained with tears.”

His expression morphed into a mockery of a dramatical sad face, lips now facing downwards and only then you were aware that you had cried. And you hated to show another sign of weakness to the man that was exceedingly fast becoming your archenemy.

Yet, you knew so little about him.

“Why are you so sad?” He asked rhetorically and pretended to search his head for possible reasons why you weren’t feeling so super lately. The nerve of this man.

“Is it because mommy isn’t here to clean her baby?” He mocked, then continued. “Is it because you weren’t as smart as you thought you were? Or…” His eyes went wide as if realization clicked in his head right then and there.

“Awn you truly thought she loved you, Lioness?” He laughed. He had the gall to laugh off your feelings, but you let him. “Know that in a couple of moons, I’ll have Wanda’s hand and you’ll be nothing in my memory or hers. Barely a nuisance long forgotten.” He made a movement of dismissing with his hands, but your tongue was sharper than his words.

Shrugging your shoulders, the best you could chained to the ceiling, you replied. “If you don’t mind where her hand was.” You were hurting but you would not give this man the satisfaction of seeing you broken. He’d see strength, nothing else.

However, you couldn’t deny that his words had an effect on you, you couldn’t deny that you were hurting and the idea of Wanda marrying this idiot hurt beyond explanation. Somehow, your stupid heart still hoped that this was a trick, or anything else but truth.

Jealousy simmered through your veins and stomach. Jealousy, confusion and betrayal. Was this her plan all along or did you do something that changed her heart?

The days you shared that house with the Princess of Sokovia were magical, past perfection. There was no word to describe the woman who owned your heart nor the moments of complicity, love and tender you had experienced. Too bad it was just a lie.

It was all but a lie.

And Vision made his job to remind you of that. She had lied to you, deceived you into a ruse just so they could lock you up and request a ransom deal. It was slimier than thousands of snakes. And you fell for that.

The wedding, though, was only a confirmation that you were stupid and fell for a woman that played you around like a ragdoll and didn’t even have the guts to come down to this piece of hell and look you in the face.

What for, though? To mock you? To laugh at your poor state? Maybe it was a mercy not having her present to rub it on your face.

But what you could and wanted to do was to bring the man standing tall in front of you down, lower than where you were now. And the good thing about rock bottom was just this, there was nothing holding you back.

“Tell me, Vision, do you taste me whenever she kisses you?” Your grin was clearly smug, you bare your teeth more like fangs ready to pierce a piece of flesh of those who dared to think that only because you were locked imagined you were tamed. Far from it.

He punches you, hard, but the anger boiling in his eyes was your prize. “Could you be more vulgar? You speak like a whore.”

Suddenly, you realized that physical pain was a solace from your internal misery. Maybe if you pushed his buttons hard enough, he’d kill you then you wouldn’t have to live with all this pain you were forced to deal with inside your heart.

A renewed salty, ironed copper taste danced on your mouth and his only answer was a blooded grin to his rhetorical question. You spat the blood on his shoes and asked another question. “Does she call my name whenever you fuck? Or does she call you babe afraid of making a mistake?”

Another set of punches and screams of anger and you could only laugh. Oh poor man, maybe Wanda didn’t love him either and she could very well be a woman playing with both hearts. If yes, he deserved it. Maybe a twisted god would say that you deserved it too.

“Stop.” A new voice was heard above the noise of fist hitting flesh and irritated mutters from Vision.

You had heard a lot about him. Official stories, reports, songs sung by bards, memories from Wanda and a lot else, but this was the first time you properly saw him.

Pietro Maximoff was a handsome man, and the stories did him justice when it comes to regal stance and beauty. He walked as if he had everything figured out just like a King should.

The knights Barnes and Rumlow bowed instantly, dropping to their knees but Vision limited himself to turn and look at the man as if he were annoyed by the interruption. He probably was annoyed. He probably wanted to kill you.

“Lord Vision, I believe I already informed you about my concerns involving our hostage.” The exacerbated formal tone caught your attention. Pietro was a king, yes. But this was a prison, he didn’t have to act all regal in a place that stank more than any sewer.

“You have, my king, I was only having a conversation with her.” He side-eyed you as if to engrave your distasteful state into his brain for later, as if this meant he had won.

“I see.” Pietro looks at you and you expect mockery, some snarky comment but nothing comes. “Leave, please.” He demands. “All of you.” The men were ready to protest but his somber expression left no room for any argument.

He didn’t know whether you were dangerous or not. Just as you had only heard about him, he had only heard about you and to step inside your cell without an escort or visible blade told you he was brave. Or he was a reckless fool.

“The tales credited you a few inches higher, I’m afraid.” Pietro finally says something directed at you after a while sizing you up and down.

You spat another amount of blood, that hit the floor, for his shoes were keeping a wise distance from you. “Maybe you’re confused with my sword’s size, Your Highness.”

He looks at you for a moment, then chuckles. “Ahh ever the brave cub that keeps roaring even on a leash.” Despite the grin on his face, his words dripped with sarcasm.

“Did you come here to kill me already or will you keep mocking me until I die of boredom?” Your impatience was visible. It’s been too long and no one told you what was going to happen. Except for Vision telling you he’d marry the princess.

Certainly, you wouldn’t be held in this place forever. You were too much of a precious prize for that.

Again, Pietro chuckled and clicked his tongue as if disagreeing with your idea. “You know how these things work; I can’t kill you. You’re too valuable.” He patronized and you wished he was closer so you could headbutt him as well. You didn’t mind if your temper could get you killed, you were past the point of caring for what’s stored for your future.

Then, your head stopped thinking about your broken heart for a second and understood what they planned. A ransom deal that would grant them everything that they wanted. They’d redraw borders and Taharr would lose a lot.

In a futile attempt to discourage him, you lied. “She’ll never negotiate with you because of me.” It was plain and obvious to every person that ever heard about Queen Calanthe that she’d trade her soul to protect her children.

Again, Pietro tsks because he knew his enemy’s greatest weakness. “You know that’s not true. And if something were to happen to you, I’m sure Queen Calanthe would gather every capable person to fight, every sword, march north and stop for nothing until she has my head in a spike after breaking brick by brick down.” He explained, rather amused at the idea he painted with his mind eye. Though you knew she’d do exactly what he had said and more.

“I bet she’s already restless knowing you’re my hostage.” He crossed his arms and looked at you again. “But I gave her my word that you’ll be back alive, unscathed, the moment we draw new borders.”

Unscathed.

Sokovians probably needed an update of the meaning of this word. Despite calling you hostage, you were a prisoner, and it was only obvious you were paying for your crimes and sins. One of them, the worst of them, was your little romance with Wanda.

You closed your eyes at his words. Your fears proved to be true, you’d be the demise of entire families, not to mention how much your kingdom would lose because of you, because you couldn’t keep your pants on. People would suffer and that would be your fault, so much so for trying to stop the war.

“What did you ask?” You questioned through gritted teeth. “The highlands above Ororo’s Fortress?” In your head, it was only reasonable, because that would represent a great deal of farms and the heart of the golden mines.

Your train of thought was interrupted by his voice, though. “Everything above Red Widow Valley.” He smirked triumphantly as your eyes widened.

“That’s outrageous! She’ll never agree with that.” They were asking for more than a half of Taharr’s territory. The farms, the people, everyone who depended and relied on Taharr to not starve would suffer. Guilt weighted on your shoulders like heavy iron.

“She already has.” He stated simply, with a smug grin hanging in his mouth.

“You’re probably thinking so high of yourself, aren’t you?” You looked at him with eyes cold as ice and continued. “You play war as if your people were nothing, you play with a mother’s love…” A scornful look morphed your semblance. “But it’s pitiful that you had to use your own sister to get you what you failed to.”

At the mention of Wanda, his chill demeanor turned into a flame of anger. “You do not get to talk about my sister.” He yelled and you spat the blood on your mouth on the floor once again, this time, you realized he was much closer than before. “You played enough with her and had fun. Now go back to the whores waiting for you in Taharr.”

He dared to speak with you as if you were the one playing her heart when, in fact, she was taking piece by piece of you these past months.

All the hate in you flared.

You wanted to hurt Pietro the same way you were hurting. All you wanted to do was to enumerate the despicable things you did in that bedroom with her. How you fucked her, how you had your way with her, and she still begged for you to fuck her harder.

You wanted to bring Wanda’s name lower than a whore’s, for, at least, with a whore you only get what you’re paying for. There was an urge in your heart compelling you to disclose your intimacy until his cheeks burned the same way your heart did from all the stabbing Wanda gave you.

But, in the end, you didn’t even have in you the strength to fight anymore let alone to pose as someone else other than a broken woman with a broken heart.

For once, there wasn’t in you that fire that was always present, that fire that compelled you to fight and stop only if Death claimed your body as hers. For once, the wild lioness couldn’t roar anymore.

“I loved your sister, Pietro.” Devoid of any humor or sarcasm, you spoke the truth of your heart. Why? There was nothing else left. “Even though she lured me to fuck with me and get your goddamn deal. We both know she was the one using me, instead of the other way around.”

Something shone behind Pietro’s eyes, but you couldn’t pinpoint what it was. They were so alike and at the same time they were so different that your brain short-circuited. When he spoke, there wasn’t mockery or sarcasm either. Which surprised you.

“Did you really fall in love, Young Lioness?”

He was close and you could finally headbutt him, but you were so devoid of fight or self-respect that you relented. Every single one of your mother’s rules went out of the window. That tale of not showing your enemy what’s in your heart? Or not showing your weakness? There was no point in hiding anymore.

You were defeated.

“How could I have not?”

—

The travel to the south was murderously slow.

As your retinue passed the villages that still belonged to Taharr but in a few weeks would belong to Sokovia, your heart broke over and over. You could swear that people looked at you with disapproving eyes at your actions even though they couldn’t really see you inside the wagon. Or know what you have done. Yet.

You hated wagons and asked to ride a horse, but they considered that you could run and disappear somewhere once in Taharr’s lands. They were probably right.

You hadn’t thought about escaping, but that idea would, most certainly, occur any time after you were surrounded by your kingdom’s vegetation, forests or villages. You knew basically everything about your territory, and this would obviously be an advantage.

Hence the wagon. And your boredom.

If the constant visits of Vision were a pain in the ass, not having visits at all were far worse if that makes any sense. You hated the man for gloating or mocking you but at least you could hate him and not suffer alone as you did when you were all by yourself.

Your wounds were treated before you could march south and the food was no longer distasteful, it was only bad. Which was a huge improvement, considering you still stayed in your cell with that smell, no longer chained to the ceiling.

Your routine of self-loathing was only disturbed by the guards serving you food, for not even King Pietro or one of the knights came to your cell again. Natasha Romanoff never showed up at your cell, doesn’t even need to mention that you never caught sight of Wanda, not even a glimpse of that auburn hair.

When you finally reached Triskelion, it felt like every single person was on the streets to see the Sokovian legion arriving at the Castle, something unheard of since the early days of the Golden Accords.

Only the noble dignitaries and their protection unit were allowed inside the castle walls, as for the rest of the Sokovians prepared their camp somewhere on the left side of the main wall, outside the Keeper itself, where your people would keep an eye on their movements day and night.

You expected loath and hatred in your mother’s eyes, but you were surprised when you saw relief. You had been reckless like never before and you were sure you’d be punished for it, yet it never came. Somehow, it made you feel worse. You didn’t deserve compassion.

“Oh darling, I’m so glad you’re back home.” Her kind words warmed your heart, that so desperately needed some love and rest.

Loki’s face was pale, and you knew he hadn’t been sleeping or eating properly. Just like when you were taken by the Kree and Witch Harkness, Loki probably thought you’d die, and he’d lose his sister. It pained you that you caused him more distress.

Maria and Carol greeted you with the same intensity as they chastised you and that brought a sense of normalcy that put your heart at ease.

The following days you were treated by the castle doctors, and you took your time to heal and rest. Your bed never felt so welcoming, but you couldn’t take from your head the memory of Wanda’s. How soft and how warm her duvets were whenever she laid by your side.

It was obvious that your feelings for her would take a long, long time to fade off. If ever.

As the negotiations advanced, you could sense the restlessness building up on the room full of nobles. Taharrians and Sokovians.

While the latter wanted to move on fast and redraw the borders, Taharrians insisted that they needed to wait for King Tony’s approval of the new border and, especially, King T’Challa’s arrival, for he had requested to be present for the negotiations.

It was only reasonable. Taharr had a peaceful agreement with both Kingdom’s about borders but when it comes to the Embaku’s Forest on the east between Wakanda and Taharr, things were even more complicated than that.

Wakandans believed this forest was sacred and their spirits wandered about the trees to connect again so they could guide their people into prosperity. Your mother and your past relatives always respected their beliefs and never invaded or hunted anywhere near the forest.

King T’Challa, however, wanted to make sure the Sokovians would understand and respect this as well. But if you had learnt anything at all, it is that Sokovians loved a good scheme, were power-hungry and untrustworthy.

Especially untrustworthy.

Your back ached and your bones screamed with every turn and strike you managed with your sword, just as it did with every blow parried by your shield. You looked around bewildered; only moments ago there was a group of nobles discussing new terms and agreements which, somehow, erupted into a fight.

And, with the increasing numbers of Sokovians flooding the halls and chambers of Triskelion, you knew this was an invasion. Someone opened the gates and now a crimson and silver legion inundated your home.

Anger filled you whole and your chest wanted to burst. How many times would you be betrayed by a Sokovian?

You saw Maria running like a wild mare trying to get the Taharrian troops into the castle, for there were only a few units serving as patrol and escort. With Lord Barton lost, deceased or prisoner, information yet unknown, his legion was still adjusting to the new commander so they would take time to arrive.

Lord Wilson fought by your side, and this was probably an order from your mother. You wouldn’t complain this time though, your body was still trying to recover from dehydration, starvation, and from the physical and emotional slaughter.

You tried and failed to get a glimpse of your mother’s whereabouts, because the sea of red was overwhelming. The castle was cramped, so much so that it felt like the air filling your lunges wasn’t enough.

A sword came dangerously close to your head, but you blocked it in the nick of the time. This wouldn’t be a great time to get headless, you mused. With extreme difficulty, and great effort, you pushed back the Sokovians out of the Castle.

They were strong, organized and knew exactly what to do. This was odd. There was a traitor among Taharrians, and you couldn’t, for the life in you, think who would be capable of such absurdity.

From the castle walls it was possible to see Sokovians outside the Main Wall reinforced with two units that belonged to Hydrarr trying to organize a siege, it was definitely odd. If Hydrarr was responsible for stealing and burning Sokovian’s farms, how were they friends now?

Something didn’t add up.

The attempt of railing and controlling the castle backfired and with the arrival of Wakanda’s retinue, Sokovians and Hydrarrians got caught between your troops and the Wakandans. The whole fight lasted almost a day, but you finally stopped the enemies and forced their retreat to the north.

It was certainly a coup.

There were far too many soldiers on your escort in the first place and, even if they were afraid of insurgents as they had said, there were far too many units for a simple border draw. The group of nobles representing Sokovia was made of low-ranking nobles, no one really important to lose in a fight and, except for Sir Rumlow, you didn’t know who they really were.

Sokovians and Hydrarrians tried to overthrow your mother in the most violent and less honorable way possible. The gods should be thanked that the Wakandans arrived in time.

You searched the castle after your mother, but she was nowhere to be seen and even people who saw her fighting said they lost track of her. There was this nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that something was wrong, very much so.

There were people, friend or foe, being carried to the medical bays to be attended to. As were the bodies. After you left the great hall and reached the main corridor, your heart sank when you saw Lady Carol kneeled beside the lifeless body of Knight Belova.

Knight Yelena Belova was one of the fiercest warriors in the whole continent. First, she served as spy, then requested to serve as knight and soon was graced with the honor of being one the Queen’s protector. The most noble and valuable warrior. And now she was laying on the ground in a poodle of blood surrounded by enemies’ bodies.

She fell fighting like a giant, you thought. However, you hated yourself for not paying the proper respect to her service and sacrifice because all you could think of was your mother.

A trail of blood not far from Belova guided you to another room, a few steps away from where you were now. As soon as your eyes landed on the figure in red and white clothes laying on the floor, you felt as though your heart’s going to explode right then and there.

You ran towards your mother, but it felt like your feet were moving through the water.

The second you reached her, you sank to your knees and only then you saw Loki sobbing by her side. He had her head over his lap and held her hand tight. You grabbed the other and it was cold, sickening cold.

“Mother.” You cried but there was no answer. You hoped she’d crack a smile or maybe simply look at you, but she didn’t move, she didn’t open her eyes. “Mother!” You called, urgently, this time. As if some energy could wake her up.

“Sister.” Loki called. His tone was already mourning, grieving, as if to tell you the truth. A truth that you couldn’t take or accept.

“No.” You replied, shaking your head as if throwing a tantrum right then would make any difference, as if it could change fate. As if it could change the fact that your mother was gone and you weren’t there for her, even if to hold her and see the light fading from her eyes.

Your body shook terribly as though your soul was about to slip through your pores. She died a hero’s death, fighting. As she always said she wanted, but you couldn’t believe it, and in a selfish thought, you realized she was gone without teaching you everything you needed.

She was gone when you needed her the most. After all, you would always need her. She was your hero, your beacon.

“Sister,” He tried again. “She’s gone.” His voice had an edge of something, as if he was trying to convince himself. You took him in and saw his robes stained with blood but no visible weapon, though it didn’t look like he was hurt.

“What happened?” You averted your gaze from your mother and met his. There was so much going on behind his eyes that kept your attention until they finally focused. He was lost and so were you.

It was all your fault. If you hadn’t decided to sneak into Wolfgang City, you wouldn’t have gotten caught and this absurd ploy orchestrated by the Sokovians or Hydrarrians wouldn’t have existed. If this deal had never happened, your mother would still be alive.

Hot tears slipped down your face freely, you were responsible for her death in the same way whoever wielded the sword that took her life was. Grief already soaked your bones as all you could think was everything you did wrong.

“I- I- tried, but-.” Loki tried to speak, but his voice trembled just like his body. He was in shock.

“You saw who did this?” Your voice brought his eyes back to you, he was confused and hurting, yet there was something about his expression that brought that uneasiness back to your stomach.

“Ru- Rumlow. I- I- think.” He stuttered more so sobbed the answer as he used his sleeve to clean the blood, sweat and tears staining his face. Then, you took him in and his clothes properly.

“Loki…” Your brother wasn’t a warrior per se, but with an invasion like the one they had just witnessed it was only reasonable that he’d be sporting a chest blade or shield at least. But there was nothing visible around him. Not even a blade or his famous scepter. “Where's your armor?”

Your tone startled him. His eyes darted around like a cornered animal. “Where were you this whole time?” You asked because you couldn’t remember his whereabouts ever since the breakfast that he, uncharacteristically, skipped.

“I- hm. I was-.” Stutter is not a trait that you’d ever associate with him. His demeanor shifted from shocked to someone realizing they’re on thin ice.

Your patience waned off instantly.

“Spill it out.” You hissed and it was absurd that you were about to argue with your brother over your mother’s dead body, but his behavior was too strange for you to ignore. Or you were just too paranoid by this point.

“I- Please, sister, you have to believe me. None of this was meant to happen.” His voice waved, he was about to cry again and the lump forming on your throat made it impossible for you to breathe properly. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

You blinked. His words resonated in your ear as your brain tried to process every single word and what they really meant. You started to shake your head as they sank in, already dismissing the possibility of what was being presented before you. “Are you telling me you’re involved in this?”

“No.” He bellowed, as if your accusation was outrageous. “Oh gods, this is so messed up.” His eyes shot to the ceiling for a second then, they focused on yours again. “I was supposed to facilitate their entry, but they weren’t supposed to touch you. Or mother.” Loki’s eyes were hollow, haunted by his own actions.

You knew that. You could see it. His guilt was consuming him already, but you too were being consumed.

“You betrayed us, Loki! Your mother! Your sister! Your kingdom! And for what?” You grabbed him by the front of his robes and shook him violently, as if the action could knock some sense into his head.

“All I wanted was what is mine by right! I am a King with no kingdom.” He yelled, slapping your hands away from him. “They betrayed me.”

His slap hurt just as the weight of his words did. Though deeply hurting, anger was the only feeling accessible in that moment. “King of what, Loki?” Anger was the only feeling that you could rely on to not fall apart entirely, so you held onto it and let it course through you like the blood you had in your veins.

“In Jotunheim I’d be a King!” He puffed his chest as if it was plain obvious and anger boiled in him due your lack of understanding. And how could you? Loki thought. You were born and raised to be a queen, his unfaithful fate was barely a nuisance to you.

“In Jotunheim you’d be dead!” It was your turn to shout and bring him out of his head, bring him back to reality.

“Can’t you see that this is my birthright?” He asked, almost in a plea and you shook your head vehemently, as if he was being a stupid child.

“And you thought that overthrowing your mother, the woman that raised you as her own child, was the right way of achieving it?” Your head tilted to the side with your sarcastic question, and he opened his mouth to speak, but you weren’t done yet.

“As far as I know, Jotunheim is deep in a civil war again after the eighth in line killed the sixth. The third is crippled in a bed waiting for death’s mercy and all the others died, except for you, the seventh in line. And that’s because of her.”

Every word leaving your mouth felt like a double edge knife. Cutting him just as deep as it was cutting you. Tears streamed down his face as the bigger picture downed in his brain.

“I- I- sister, I beg you. You have to understand, I never wanted this to happen.” He was torn, his decisions would be the grave his grief would bury him in. “Please, forgive me.” He pleaded, suffering in advance.

Now his fate lies in your hands.

“No Loki.” You opened your mouth to continue, but you were devastated and devoid of words or strength to keep talking.

His eyes shot up and searched yours for something, anything. But there was just emptiness.

“No. There must be a way! You are my sister…” His eyes darted around, then focused on yours as he tried again. “Please, tell me what I should do. Anything and I’ll fix it-.”

You stared back at him as he searched his intelligent brain for a way to be forgiven. May your mother forgive you someday, but you couldn’t deal with it anymore.

“Run, Loki.” Your voice broke the silence, and he frowned at your answer or their meaning. “Run and don’t you dare to ever come back.” Your voice did not waver once, unlike how you really felt inside your heart.

“But I- you don’t-.” He stuttered once more, pale with the horrors he had just seen and with the horrors he would face as soon as he left the castle. Loki knows he’d be wanted and hunted down like a mad dog if he decided to stay in Taharr and knew that he’d be dead the second he stepped in Jotunheim territory.

Hells, without the queen’s protection, wherever he decided to go would be too dangerous for him. He was doomed.

Your disgust was evident when you interrupted him. “You don’t understand what your greed did to me. I lost my mother and my brother at the same time.” Sadness emerged in your eyes for the briefest of moments before you finished your sentence. “Leave immediately, you don’t belong to this kingdom anymore.”

Turning your back on him, you laid on the floor right by your mother's side and stood there. The cold of the marble floor impregnating your skin as her blood soaked your clothes, your soul and heart.

Despite the words spoken towards Loki, you knew you were just as guilty as he or Sir Rumlow was. Your greed brought your mother’s demise just as your brother’s did.

Your greed of thinking that you could end the war. The greed of thinking, wishing even, that you were allowed to love. Greed of believing that Wanda fell for you the way you did for her, when, in turn, you should’ve known better.

As you wept and mourned your dear mother, you remembered the last conversation you had had with her. If you only knew it’d be your last.

The what ifs would drive you mad before the sun rose in the horizon, for sure.

“I’m sorry mother. I failed.” Your voice was low, a far cry from your usually confident self.

“You did.” She stated as she offered you the cup of tea. “That makes you human.”

You smiled at her. Maybe she got too scared of losing her daughter, for she was being too subtle and forgiving in a way that was mostly out of character for her.

“You see, love, life is not an easy game to play.” She patted you on your face lightly, as she always did when she needed you to look intently at her and show you tenderness at the same time. “As a ruler, as a future queen, the path is even more tortuous.”

“Do you mean tortuous as complex or devious?” You took a sip from the liquid as lavender invaded your nostrils. Chamomile and lavender, she knew you hadn’t been sleeping. Of course she did.

“Both.” She smiled softly.

“Are you going to punish me?” You blatantly asked, almost ignoring what she had said. But you absorbed her words and their meaning. Life would be – was – difficult and deceitful at the same time.

You watched as Calanthe had the gall to laugh at your question, but then she shook her head lightly. “I believe you’re already doing it for yourself, love.” She patted your knee as she took a seat by your side.

The trees on the fields ahead were long naked, devoid of their leaves or fruits due winter, yet they were still beautiful, somehow.

“I was a fool and now our people will pay the price.” Your words were harsh, but not directed at her. It was all directed at you.

“They probably will, but you must not forget about the others under your command. If you keep looking at what you lost, you may lose even more by neglecting what you still have.” Her wisdom reached your ears and heart, but you retorted.

“How can we rebuild from this low?” Your voice resembled a child facing a puzzle or a challenge they cannot solve on their own and she smiled kindly at you, she probably saw it the same way.

“Well, love, I’ve learnt a long, long time ago to let myself get cut to always return whole with spring.” She spoke, not looking at you this time, but to the trees ahead on the fields.

“What?” You requested clarification and she gave it to you.

“You see how the trees always lose their leaves and get pruned over the winter? This is natural and the trim is a must so their branches can grow stronger. When spring arrives, the beauty returns to the trees, and they’ll grow whole again, with leaves, flowers, fruits…” The queen explained, all the while with a tender smile on her face, as though she’s explaining the meaning of life to an infant.

And, in fact, she was.

“You’re facing your winter, love, you’re getting pruned, and I know it hurts. But you’ll come back whole, you just must be patient and wait for the spring.” Her hand rested on yours and gave it a light squeeze. “Your kingdom will spring too, you just need to work through its winter.”

As her words sank in, your spirit felt renewed with a sense of duty and obligation to your people. You’d fight for their safety, and you’d work on deals to grant the families the decision to choose which realm they’d live in.

Nodding slightly, you replied. “I will.”

“I expect nothing different.” The warmth provided by her hand and words were so welcomed that had you closing your eyes. You missed home, especially, you missed your mother. “And to answer your question, I could never punish you for following your heart.”

You opened your eyes to see her dark orbs boring into yours with the same tenderness that she used to look at you after falling from your horse when you were still learning how to ride. They were intense, they were protective, they were everything you could focus on.

Out of everything you could or should say, your chest spoke first. “Will it hurt like this forever, mother?” Right then and there, you were only a child scared of their first time hurt and she softened her features even more.

“Oh love,” She hugged you and you reveled on the warmth provided by her embrace and love. “I’m afraid I don’t have the answer for this, as my short experience with your father, I still miss him.” You took a deep breath. Your father isn’t often mentioned, it was like an open wound how he died so soon after your birth.

“I feel so stupid for being lured into that trap.” Your voice was muffled by her chest as she caressed your head, fingertips playing with the baby hairs growing on your hairline.

“You shouldn’t feel stupid for having feelings.” She kissed your forehead lightly, then resumed her ministrations. It was soothing, healing. “If anything it shows me you have a heart.”

“I hate her for what she did to me, and I hate that I can’t hate her.” You felt her chest moving, she chuckled at your words and their ambiguity. You drew back to look at her in the eyes and spoke again. “I mean it, I- I hate her and love her at the same damn time.”

You sighed and relented, for you had finally come out with your true feelings. You didn’t count that desperate and pitiful confession to Pietro. “Because only love can hurt like this, right?” You asked and again, you looked like a youngling about to enter a maze. Insecure and scared.

She nodded, trying to bite back the emotion striking her chest, as a mother she hated everything you had been through. As a mother, she hated the marks – visible or not – the Sokovian princess had caused you. As a mother, your suffering was physically painful for her to testify.

As a queen, though, she knew this was a lesson you had to learn. As a queen, she knew this would only make you tougher, no matter how daunting everything looked now. As a queen, she knew this was a path for you to understand – fully – how one single action has its burdens.

“You should make Loki next in line, for I’m not fit to be a queen.” Your blunt words brought her out of her head, and she blinked several moments before speaking.

“Where’s this coming from?” Her head turned fast to look at you, to look you in the eye and maybe pierce the answer herself.

Completely uncomfortable, you shrugged your shoulders avoiding eye contact at any cost. However, you gave her the answer she had requested. “Look at the mess I’ve made, look at the mess I am.”

With the corner of your eye, you saw her frown for a moment, then spoke. “I see a strong woman and nothing less. As for the mess, Pietro can have the gold, love, but he’ll eventually learn that he can’t eat metal in winter.”

Her hand softly touched yours, the comfort of the gesture couldn’t be measured in words, in fact, you thought your chest could burst with unshed tears, as if you were just a child weeping after their hurt knee. Though you couldn’t. You weren’t just a child anymore.

“As for the mess, you made a mistake. Do you think I’m perfect?” She completed after your silence, staring at your intertwined hands. You didn’t have to look up to see a small smile creeping to her lips.

“I do.” You replied sincerely and finally looked at her.

Almost out of character, the queen laughed. A wholehearted laugh erupted from her chest. “Thank you, but no, I did a lot and still do nowadays. When we make a choice, it can be good or bad. You just must live long enough to see which one is and have courage enough to fight to make it right, to make another choice hoping it’s for the best.”

Her index finger touched your nose softly, just like she used to when you were younger when she wanted to make a point. To point at you. “And you, love, you’re the bravest person I have ever met.”

“My courage just gets me in trouble, mother.” It was your turn to frown and look at her as if to double check if she weren’t mocking you. You had a lot of courage, indeed. You never backed down from a fight, never settled for the easy thing to do but the right one. Yeah, and there was always a huge problem hunting after your tail.

“You were brave enough to love your enemy, this tells me much.” Her words caught you out of guard, but a fond smile told she wasn’t mocking, or mad, it was as if she appreciated your stupid decisions. “That’s no easy feature and that’s why I know you’ll protect and be kind to our people. Your kingdom.”

“It’s your kingdom, my queen.” Your brows were furrowed again, not quite liking her tone or the direction this conversation was taking.

“One day it will be yours, love.” A satisfied smirk punctuating her sentence.

A hand violently shaking your shoulder brought your head back to present and the pain coursing through your chest was now back on full force. Your eyes snapped open and found the source of the hand being Lady Maria Rambeau.

“Oh by the gods you’re alive.” The woman spoke at your movement, fussing all over to find a wound. “You’re so pale and there’s so much blood…” Her voice trailed off at the end, cementing your heart with the painful truth.

“Maria, she- she’s gone.” You sobbed and her eyes softened tons at your broken voice and expression.

“I know.” She spoke gently while trying to make you get up from where you were laying. “And now I need you to rise from the ground, my Queen.”

The weight of her words hit you like a spear piercing your heart. The weight of your destiny fell on your shoulders like a blanket made of ice-cold metal.

“How?” You asked dumbly. You were not sure whether she meant the literal ground, the cold stone ground your body was half laying, half seating on or the pit of madness and chaos you and your whole kingdom got into.

You were not sure of how you could do either.

You were lost.

Suddenly, you were transported to a memory of when you were just a kid chasing after a foal that got lost into the woods near the royal stables. Like a brave little silly, you entered the tree line, but it didn’t take long for you to get lost. Every tree looked exactly like the other and soon you didn’t know what was left and right.

Much like then, you felt that lost. There was no right or left nor up and down. Just a rock bottom of misery staring back at you.

The person who had found you cornered into the trunk of a tree crying like a silly lost girl back then, wasn’t here anymore to guide you. Your mother was gone, and this was a reality you couldn’t escape.

“Why do we fall?” Maria’s voice brought your attention back to her. A kind smile matching her kind eyes towards you, her protégé.

“What?” You asked, again, dumbly. Not really understanding what she wanted from you or for an answer.

“Why do we fall?” She asked again as if it would make any sense. After realizing you were too shocked to properly answer, she clarified. “So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”

Her voice resonated throughout the room, but in your ears you could all but hear your mother’s voice and wisdom. This was the exact same sentence she had spoken so many years ago, after tenderly picking you from the ground.

Your mind was a whirlwind; This time it was your time to pick yourself up, you’d have to climb this hole by yourself.

Your brother betrayed you, your mother was dead and now you were the supreme ruler of Taharr. The people – your people – would look after you for guidance, for protection, to be their light in the darkest times, such as the ones you are facing now.

Getting up from the literal ground, you were back on your feet and though your knees were a little bit wobble, you kept your stance. Only now seeing Lady Carol and Lord Samuel also arrived in the room, eyes down with respect towards the body of your mother.

“Sam, help me take her to her room. Carol, gather the morticians to prepare her.” Your voice shook a little with grief and pain. Maybe being strong and trying to be a queen wouldn’t be an easy feat. Not that you thought it would.

After another intake of air, you turned to Maria and this time your voice was firmer. “Maria, you and I are climbing the north tower so I can light up the Goblet of Fire.” Some sort of reassurance took over your body as you decided to proceed with the costumes and traditions of when a king or queen dies in Taharr.

The next in line would be the one to light the fire that could be seen miles and miles away from Triskelion. The next in line would be the one to deliver the somber news to their people.

“We have an announcement to make.” You finished grimily.

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Final

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