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rambling-prince-thoughts · 9 months

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there’s been a lot of discussion about logan and roman during the recent sanders sides episodes and for good reason. the two of them have been through so much, with The Sides Need a Nice Day showcasing that they really do deserve break after all the angst.

however, one character that’s also been facing heavy struggles throughout this time is patton. despite being the side that gets listened to most often by thomas, he hasn’t had the most optimal experiences in a while either, especially since the inclusion of janus and remus into the narrative and the events of selfishness vs selflessness.

this post will focus primarily on the events of Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts but will contain references to all the other episodes throughout.

a little background on patton shows us that he is who thomas tends to refer to in order to receive advice on how to be a good person. being the embodiment of morality, patton does seem to hold a standard for the concepts of “good” and “bad”. it’s a very rigid standard and if something doesn’t match accordingly, patton gets uncomfortable and tries to change it.

an obvious example of this would be patton’s reaction to remus in dwit. in a simplified, black and white sense, intrusive thoughts are bad. they’re harmful and the content of these thoughts is negative and unwanted so it makes sense that patton would want to relinquish remus’ hold on thomas immediately.

as a result, patton is also afraid of remus. during his introductory song, remus states that good and bad is “all made up nonsense” because even though he seems to be the “bad” creativity to roman’s “good” creativity, the line that separates both brothers isn’t as fine as it looks.

logan attempts to explain to thomas that life isn’t black and white and the contrast between roman and remus only appears because that’s how thomas visualises them in his mind. to thomas, roman is good because he encompasses the pleasant part of creativity, the part that’s socially acceptable.

on the other hand, remus is what thomas wants to avoid at all costs. therefore remus becomes bad. in the moments before logan’s explanation, patton insists that imagination is good and stresses that roman is creativity, not remus. he’s insistent on driving remus out of the conversation and away from thomas.

patton’s biggest fear is that thomas is a bad person and that he hasn’t accomplished his goal in trying to make thomas the good person he believes him to be. janus’ influence on thomas proved that thomas wasn’t naturally just good, and it created doubt in patton’s mind that was otherwise not there. he assumed thomas was, by all standards, a good person, and having that illusion shatter in front of him has him questioning not only thomas, but also his own actions.

now with the arrival of remus and thomas thinking unpleasant thoughts, that fear has reawakened. at the end of svs, patton did end up getting what he wanted: that thomas go to lee and mary lee’s wedding. he believed it was the best course of action and the most morally good course of action.

in fact, during this episode, logan reveals to everyone that it’s not remus who’s been hurting thomas and disrupting his schedules, but virgil and patton instead.

when patton disagrees with comparing thomas to jeffrey dahmer, he also refuses to set the bar at whether or not thomas has murdered someone, like jeffery dahmer had. but logan points out that patton, of all sides, should know that isn’t where the bar is.

as he goes onto explain, thomas’ upbringing has instilled a strong moral code in him as well as christian values. this explains why morality plays such a huge factor in thomas’ decision making and why he’s so reliant on patton to make his decisions. thomas thinks with his heart, not his head, to make the decisions that are best based on what’s good or bad rather than what’s efficient or rational.

in svs redux, when thomas laments on the fact that he could have just spoken to his friends about skipping their wedding to go to the callback instead, patton is still severely against that thought. skipping the wedding would logically have been the better decision for thomas- he might not get this opportunity again, and as logan mentioned, the wedding only offers thomas a potential spike in depression.

which it did. the only thing thomas got out of the whole situation was a new highscore in word crush and a sense of guilt and regret over everything that happened. not exactly the most ideal rewards for the sacrifice that he made to get there.

however patton tried to convince him that going to the wedding despite all the problems was a good idea because thomas was able to support his friends! it may not have been the rational choice but it was the good choice, the selfless choice. in patton’s world, altruism is purely good and selfishness is purely bad.

that’s why all the examples he gave in svs redux were curated so that thomas would have to make the altruistic choice or risk being a bad person.

now, patton isn’t in this for manipulative means. he is genuinely trying to help thomas given what he knows of situations. thomas’ dependence on him throughout the series has developed him into being an all knowing father figure, who needs to choose the right option so that thomas can do what he needs to without being a bad person. thomas fears being bad, which is why he hides away everything that makes him bad.

while i’m not qualified to talk about christianity or its religious teachings (as i’m not christian), it is interesting to note that patton being the father almost makes him the quintessential god figure.

the father, who thomas must listen to, who knows right from wrong, who decides whether thomas is a good or bad person based on his actions, and the one who can punish him for making the wrong choice. janus is the snake come to trick thomas into sinning, and remus is another dark side whose authority would cause thomas to act and think in ways that are considered wrong.

it’s not unlikely to assume that the reason that thomas’ creativity split in the first place was because morality dictated that there were pleasant and unpleasant thoughts and the distasteful thoughts were repressed and cast aside out of fear that thomas would be punished for having those thoughts.

even though patton didn’t intend it as punishment, him berating thomas all night and trying to force intrusive thoughts out of his mind was chastising. at the end of the episode, patton even stated that thomas had his “permission” to think those thoughts and thomas admitted that it did help to know that.

thomas needed permission from his moral side to be allowed to have intrusive thoughts. because up until then, patton didn’t realise that they were normal and okay to have. he was afraid that they made thomas an evil person simply because they were evil thoughts.

blaming patton for overreacting wouldn’t be right either, because ever since the first sanders sides video he’s been making a genuine effort to help thomas. he is misguided and rigid in his values but he isn’t malicious or deceptive. when logan said that virgil was the one who caused thomas to stay up all night, it didn’t surprise either patton or remus, given that virgil was anxiety and his reaction made sense.

but when logan said that it was also patton, remus seemed to be genuinely surprised and patton turned to look at logan with a stunned expression.

he couldn’t believe that he was the one who had been making thomas feel bad about himself, and moreover he hadn’t been listening to thomas when thomas insisted time and again that he didn’t like having these thoughts and that he wasn’t enticed by what remus was saying. this is patton realising that despite his best efforts, he was ultimately causing thomas to have persistent difficulties grappling with who he was and why he felt like he couldn’t be a good person.

in patton’s constant struggle to prove thomas’s goodness, he put thomas up on a pedestal that was impossible to escape because it required him to be as altruistic as patton assumed was the norm for a good person, even if that goal was unreasonable or for some reason unattainable.

our lord of the lies said it himself when he berated patton for misleading thomas.

as janus put it, patton wasn’t capable of misleading thomas. his intentions were sincere and he wanted to help thomas the way that he’s always helped him. but morality isn’t the same for adults as it is for children. when thomas was a child, things were easier. kids are more easily swayed by the effects of good and bad than adults are, simply because ethics for a child aren’t as nuanced as they can be for adults.

thomas depended on patton because according to him, patton has never steered him in the wrong direction and so he’s certain that for every decision, if he consults patton, he can end up making the right choice. that has worked for most of his life because as a kid, he made simple choices. ones that didn’t involve the level of critical thought that they now do.

so in trying to be that rock for thomas, patton has given himself the power to know and decide what he thinks is best by weighing the options as good or bad. it’s a terrible scale, but the only one he knows. so when thomas starts to listen more to suggestions from janus or roman where he might end up doing the wrong thing— such as lying to his friends about why he’s skipping the wedding— patton immediately puts his foot down. he won’t let thomas do that.

this isn’t helpful. while there is effort, it’s clear that this approach has been hurting thomas more than helping him. patton keeps trying to do the right thing but that’s only possible if thomas’ mental health is balanced but with everything that’s happened, thomas is hanging on by a thread and patton can’t see that.

the plane is already crashing. now is the time to take a step back and focus on himself.

even patton ended up having a crisis over what to do, which caused him to become lilypadton. he thought he had everything figured out. he thought he had all the answers. but he doesn’t. and this strikes him during a moment when logan (janus in disguise, but patton doesn’t know that) tells him that he’s forcing thomas to risk his own life and health for other people.

suddenly, patton doesn’t know what’s right. he just knows what he wants to be right. and thomas, who has depended on him all his life, is looking to him for help but he doesn’t trust patton as much as he used to anymore and patton lost his chance to make up for his knee jerk reactions in svs and dwit.

he crumbles under that pressure. he’s really pushing to make things right, and his principles conflict with that. like thomas, who in dwit couldn’t accept that he was having intrusive thoughts because his own principles stated that having these thoughts was bad, patton too wants to make everything better but he isn’t able to do that because there’s a disconnect between what he thinks is right and what is actually helpful to thomas.

patton looks to janus for help, because now it’s janus who’s giving the advice. thomas is listening to him. the plane crash was patton’s fault, but janus has pulled thomas out of the rubble.

he thinks he’s bad for thomas. he has tried his best to help, but none of it has worked. in the end, he was part of the problem. he apologised to thomas in svs for being dishonest, he apologised in dwit for his reactions and he has to apologise again in svs redux for lashing out and being too pushy. how many times can he say sorry before it loses meaning? how many times can he say sorry before he admits to himself that he’s just bad for thomas?

hopefully patton can figure out a balance between knowing what is right and helping thomas figure out what is best for him before the orange side is revealed to us, because as @rataticaisdreaming pointed out in one of my previous posts, if patton continues to disapprove of what he thinks is wrong, it might cause a remus 2.0 situation. especially if orange has influence over logan, and patton makes logan feel guilt over it.

overall, i do think patton has been making a steady improvement. his attempt to reconnect with logan and help him is sweet, and he really does fix his mistake when he figures out that he’s been rushing and needs to chill out. this isn’t the first time logan has told patton to chill. but it is the first that patton has listened to him and actively slowed down.

i have hope for patton. i always will.

#sanders sides #rambling prince thoughts #patton sanders #patton angst #sanders sides analysis #patton might have been a little too much #but he’s getting to a better place #and i am proud of him #hopefully now things can work out a little better #i love his little ‘i did it!’ at the end of his scenes with logan #truly shows that patton is trying #we love him for it <3

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hedgehog-moss · 10 months

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Here are 7 little facts about my donkey and how his summer is going :)

1. I received an anon the other day asking if Pirou was still a working donkey who carries my firewood for me, and the answer is yes. I've been cutting some branches from the big cherry tree that fell down the other day, and Pirlouit has been valiantly carrying them to the woodshed—fun fact, for this activity he likes to wear his ears like this:

Probably because this T position is reminiscent of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, which is how Pirlouit perceives himself as he carries heavy logs for me. He's willing, but his martyrdom should be acknowledged.

Here's Poldine acknowledging it with a nose kiss, because Poldine.

I stopped so they could have their little chat.

2. Pirou has been chatting with a lot of new friends lately—we met these horses on a walk and he was so happy to stop and touch noses with them while making equid noises. Llamas are good with the nose-touching but their llama noises are just less interesting to Pirlouit. He had such interested ears here! "Finally a serious grown-up conversation"

We also met this goose during the same walk and Pirlouit was a lot less eager to go say hi to her. The goose was yelling threats at us and we prudently stayed away, and Pirou was clearly thinking "this bird is doing a better job at protecting her home from intruders than Pandolf ever could" (it's true, Pan assumes intruders are friends until proven otherwise)

3. You'll notice that there are houses in this pic! Our walks got longer and longer until one day we went all the way to the village (it took 1 hour 20min at Pirlouit's leisurely pace). I was so proud of him. I've been trying to convince my friends to go to the village on donkeyback (this requires two people, because you can ride Pirlouit but you can't tell him where to go unless there's someone holding his rope and leading the way)—my friends were reluctant because they still sort of perceive Pirou as the feral animal terrified of everything that he was when I got him. They know he's made a lot of progress but going to town on donkeyback still seemed foolhardy.

So we've been riding Pirlouit in the woods, in familiar environments, and we also went to town with him but without riding him. He was amazingly calm and brave! There's a river that cuts the village in two and the first time we went, we stopped before the bridge, since it's pretty narrow and cars would have to drive very close to Pirlouit, we didn't want to risk it. We just went to say hi to the librarian who lives on the right side of the river, but since Pirlouit was very serene, we did cross the bridge the second time.

He did not care at all about cars driving very close to him (he had one familiar human on either side of him and the drivers were very considerate and went slowly), which emboldened us to stop for a drink on the terrace of the coffeeshop on main street (< also a narrow street with cars driving by quite close to Pirlouit). There was just no problem at all, Pirou let total strangers rub his forehead and was more interested in iced tea than main street traffic.

It was a hot day and we gave him all the ice cubes from our drinks and he chewed them enthusiastically.

4. We made a stop at the pharmacy on our way home because we had another 1 hour 20min walk ahead and I had a blister, and the pharmacist noticed my donkey parked outside his shop and in a determined tone he said, "I want to try something." He took one of the donkey milk soaps from the overpriced-Provence-soaps-for-tourists display and opened the door and offered it for Pirlouit to sniff.

... I'm not sure what he was expecting—for my donkey to go "ohhh this smells like Mother's milk and aloe vera 🥺"—but unfortunately nothing happened.

(4. bis—Sorry, this 4th fact was anticlimactic.)

5. Pirlouit is now the proud owner of a surcingle. Not for equestrian vaulting and not for his log-carrying job because I don't know if it would be solid enough for the weight of a bag full of logs, but I'd like to tie bags or baskets to it to take Pirlouit grocery shopping, now that I know he's okay with going to town :) He even seems to enjoy the adventure, and the attention he gets from children.

And actually I shouldn't write off equestrian vaulting because Pirou is also remarkably chill with weird things happening on his back. I used to be very careful to climb on his back in a quick & fluid way so he wouldn't spook (because he used to! a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil used to spook him!) but now that my friends are riding him I can confirm we've reached a point where you can climb on Pirlouit's back in any way you want and he'll just be like "...... sure"

6. I almost forgot to mention that Pirou turned 15 last month, according to his ID papers :) Donkeys have a longer life expectancy than horses, they can live 30-40 years on average so he's still a young lad really. Happy 15th birthday Pirlouit :)

7. I wanted to conclude with a nice aesthetic pic of Pirou's shadow on the road during all those walks, like I did with Poldine, but unfortunately donkey shadows do not have the chic je-ne-sais-quoi of llama shadows. Pirlouit looks like a hammerhead shark wearing a tiny fez and that's not his fault.

#crawling along #i am so proud of him!#4 years ago i couldn't even touch him let alone halter him let alone... any of this #he's a great donkey. very curious and interested in the world around him especially iced tea bottles

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