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#and i can’t expect people to walk on eggshells for me and only judge me in ways i’m comfortable with
starbuck · 1 year
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i seriously do need to figure out how to be less angry and passive-aggressive, that’s gonna wreak havoc on my future relationships if i don’t nip that in the bud now.
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astrobydalia · 3 years
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spill the TEA what's your least favorite placement/aspect and why. mine's unevolved scorpio moons cause SHEEEEEESH 😬😬
LOL absolutely.
*DISCLAIMER: this is only referred to underdeveloped energy!! I’m aware not everyone with these placements are like this
My least favorite placements and why ☕️☕️
Scorpio moon/Scorpio mars
- I agree with you here. Never EVER get on a Scorpio moon/mars bad side you’re not gonna get out alive and if you do you won’t be the same. They will play mind games and hit you right where it hurts when you least expect it and they’ll do it in such a discrete way it’ll be hard to prove what they do.
- Worst thing about that is they make you get addicted to them somehow.
- They take out the worst in people and spread pettiness and tension wherever they go, they seem to be uncomfortable in a peaceful environment. They have this bitter mentally of “I suffer and everyone else has to suffer as well”
- they hate being lied to but they are pathological liars themselves
- Also have you ever seen a Scorpio mars glare or smirk??? Literal chills, they have something low-key sadistic about them
Aries moon
- Their irrationality and recklessness just drives me NUTS, you can’t just have flowing racional dialogue without them hitting the same wall over and over again
- they get defensive about anything
- they have the emotional maturity of a 3 year old
- they hate to be called out on their shit, much like a 3 year old
- The most selfish individuals you’ll ever meet: they always redirect everything to themselves, the one person they truly care about is themselves and the only interests they care to satisfy is their own, whether they like to admit it or not
Libra mars
not a big fan of their passive aggression. You can’t insult someone and try to come across as innocent and pacific at the same time. Choose one and stop being fake
Sun in the 12th house or Sun aspecting Neptune
stop playing a literal CHARACTER to the public CONSTANTLY!! I’m calling your bluff I know that’s not your real personality! Do you even know who you are at this point? I just hate people who aren’t real and direct 🤦🏽‍♀️
Virgo Rising/Sun
- Literally the biggest hypocrites. They have a hidden entitlement and EGO which they cover up with false modesty and condescension
- they’re a big paradox: they’re high maintenance but they’re also big conformist, they feel superior but they have inferiority complex and are easily intimidated, they judge people harshly for one mistake when they’ve done hundreds…
- they can’t take it when you call them out on their shit, they’ll throw an internal tantrum
- they judge and even bully people as if they’ve never done anything wrong in their life
- they’re the type to DEMAMD the most perfect partner when they don’t even know what dental floss is
Venus-moon aspects
I know, I know. This likely an unpopular opinion because they are sweet and loving and all but I have mainly three reasons
- they are low-key manipulative AS FUCK. They will sweet talk you into doing whatever they want to like a Siren
- they have such a thin skin, they get offended by the slightest thing and will take anything personally. Honestly it’s exhausting to be constantly walking on eggshells with them
- they are clingy and emotionally dependent in their connections. They need constant affirmations of love and it’s honestly low-key annoying to me. I’m all for independence and dealing with someone that has Venus-Moon aspects makes me feel like I’m parenting them
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aizawaslovebot · 3 years
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NOW PLAYING: the ex factor by iwaizumi hajime
—reader pronouns: he/him
—warnings: curse words ; slight implied violence
—summary: desperate times mean desperate measures, and y/n is definitely the embodiment of desperate. eager to make his ex jealous for reasons undisclosed, (read as: he's just petty), he asks his long-time best friend, iwaizumi hajime, to pretend as his boyfriend
—note: y'know how it always is, sorry for being late!!
TAGLIST: OPEN ; just send me an ask!! i don't mind you guys resending asks to be added ^^
@ohmygodronnie2020 @beyond-the-mxxn @clinomanians
<- the sweetheart playlist | part i | part ii | next song ->
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The plan was simple, really.
Pretend to be boyfriends and find the bane of your existence so you could rub it in his face that he was much more disposable than he made you feel. Then you’d both get the hell out of there and go someplace you both actually enjoyed. It was easy to do, too. Pretending to be together was something you had done when one of the other had problems with strangers. Finding your ex was an easier task because all you had to look for is where there was an influx of vulnerable girls.
Apparently, this plan was simple only in theory.
Realistically speaking, as you and Iwa fail to wade through the many drunk people flailing their limbs and calling it dancing, finding your ex was not an easy task.
The other part of the plan was also much more difficult than either of you expected too. Pretending was not easy. It was not easy when either of you couldn’t ignore the beating of your hearts at close contact. It was not easy when everyone readily acknowledged that you were together; that it was normal for Iwaizumi Hajime and Y/N L/N to be together. It was not easy when pretending reminded both of you that this was fake and that reality will sink in much sooner than the way next week came.
“Finally!” Someone would say, “We’ve been waiting for you two to get together!” Then a drunk acquaintance would add, “I thought you were together this whole time!”
So, sure, making it seem like you two were together was easy. But pretending— oh dear lord, just pretending— was what made it difficult. It had become apparent to both of you, without the other knowing, that just pretending hurt so much.
“Just how much did everyone drink? I heard the party started an hour ago,” You sigh, cringing when you see the class valedictorian puking her guts out by the plant.
Iwa snorts as he fixes his grip on your waist, “Just let the bunch of idiots let loose. The sem ended after all, puddin’.” Only a mere squeak comes out of your mouth because of the way his soft lips neared your ears.
God damn. Was it really necessary to gay panic in the middle of a mission?
With no answer to the hypothetical question in your head, you decided to let the energy die out a little before you commence part two of the plan. You and Iwa find solace in the comfort of an unoccupied booth but you couldn’t sit still at all.
The thought of being close to Iwa tonight felt different. It made you giddy and nervous and flustered and anxious all at once. It was like having to hold your breath and close your eyes to prepare for the “big thing” to happen. And you were too scared to find out what the “big thing” was for you so, despite much reluctance, you said, “I’m gonna get a drink, Zumi.”
You hastily got out of the booth and made a beeline for the kitchen to look for any drink that was sealed or canned. As much as you wanted the confidence that being intoxicated gives you, you’d rather not be embarrassingly drunk while facing your ex. In your quest to find something safe to drink in a college party, your acquaintances strike up a conversation.
“So, you and Iwaizumi, huh?” The aforementioned drunk class valedictorian asked, surprisingly still able to make a conversation despite feeling unwell just a few moments ago. “Been a long time coming,” she continued when you nodded, “You two are made for each other, y’know?”
You two hear a sigh from Claire’s, the drunkard valedictorian, friend beside her. “How romantic… I still remember how the whole ‘pudding’ nickname started. We honestly thought you’ve been dating ever since then.”
Claire looks at you questioningly, as if mentally asking you to relay the story to her because she was probably piss drunk when it happened; I mean, she’s still drunk right now but she was far worse back then.
You give in before they start to get the idea of gathering more and more people to make you tell the story. “It’s a weird story though,” You warn, but judging by the way they still urged you on, you could continue. “There was a time in our first year when we had this party, right? By then, Iwa and I were, at most, acquaintances if not just roommates.”
“I didn’t know how to like, interact with him because I found him so intimidating,” You smiled faintly, causing the two girls to look at each other quickly. “Anyway, everyone got challenged to eat as many diet pudding cups as we could possibly eat— which was quite unhealthy considering we’re studying to become trainers.”
Claire’s friend snorts, reminiscing the day when your class bought out all the diet pudding cups available in the nearest convenience stores for a stupid game.
“I got really competitive about it to the point where only Iwa and I remained. Neither of us wanted to back down but everyone got concerned about the amount we ate so we were both crowned diet pudding cup champions”
They giggle at the odd story but let you continue. “We started calling each other ‘diet pudding cup champion’ after that but it was honestly a mouthful to say so somewhere down the line, it got shortened to ‘pudding’.”
“Which is why we thought you two were a thing but you dated that asshole ex of yours and left us stumped,” Claire downs another bottle, “You didn’t even look comfortable with that ex and you two were never compatible, honestly. But all is well now! I wish I had love like yours…”
Claire’s friend rolls her eyes when the valedictorian starts crying, mumbling how cute you and Iwa were and that the entire class should be invited to your wedding. Claire then cries out how soft you two are for each other. “Sorry for her nonsense,” Claire’s friend sighs, “Anyway, we shouldn’t keep you for long… You should go back to your boyfriend.”
You wave slowly as they leave you to yourself and your thoughts. Was that really how people thought? That Iwa and you were a much better match? Would you have been far happier if Iwaizumi Hajime, your long-time best friend, was your boyfriend instead?
Speaking of your ‘boyfriend’...
Iwaizumi was thankful you decided to part for a while. Had there not been distance between you two at that moment, he wasn’t sure what mistake he would’ve made. He was too scared to risk everything and find out too. Patiently, while rejecting the class drunkards who wanted to dance or drown in booze with him, Iwa waits for your return.
Iwaizumi Hajime was hopelessly, irretrievably in love with you. You were his idiot, his contradiction, his pudding, his everything, and sadly, just his best friend. How much did the universe have to hate him to bind you two to simply being best friends? How much did the universe have to hate him to let Iwaizumi Hajime get a taste of what could’ve been and deprive him of what would be? Why, of all people, did it have to be Iwaizumi Hajime who had to go through the turmoil of falling for his best friend?
Far too many questions have formed in his head but Iwaizumi persists. He still had to help you after all. So Iwa waits and waits and waits for your return while simultaneously having to deal with his realization and the universe’s hatred.
And the universe might have hated him more than it let on.
Y’know what they say when you can’t seem to find what you’re looking for specifically because you’re looking for it? How you should let time pass and that thing will magically pop up when you don’t need it?
It happened.
In front of Iwaizumi stood the very person they planned to spite that night, the very person who decided it was fun to toy with your heart, and the very person who Iwaizumi loathed to the very core: Akuma Azamuku.
While you were questioning your “what could be” with your pretend boyfriend, Iwaizumi was busy facing your bastard ex.
“I heard you two are together now,” The poor excuse of a man started, standing confidently as if he didn’t have women in his arms, “Kind of a fast development, don’t ‘ya think?”
Iwaizumi almost pulverized your ex to the ground at that statement. What a hypocrite. What a stupid guy. What a terrible person. To imply that you were the one who cheated when the God forsaken ex was the one who manipulated you into this chaos.
“Fast development? What do you call yours then?” He challenged, eyebrows raised unamused at your ex.
“I’m not here to argue with you,” Akuma rolled his eyes rather condescendingly, “He never had eyes for me anyway. The same way I never liked him one bit.”
Iwaizumi’s fingers twitched; they itched to close the distance between Akuma’s face and Iwa’s fist. You never liked him? What utter bullshit. You spent most of your days walking on eggshells to please the goddamn piece of shit and he tells him that you never liked your ex? He tells Iwa that he never liked you?
Sadly, Akuma took his silence as a sign to continue. Bad choice on his part, really.
“He has always liked you though, hasn’t he? You always had to be the man of the hour in Y/N’s eyes when he and I were together. The son of a bi—”
Then fist connected to face faster than anyone could have comprehended. Iwaizumi never liked your ex and his fists figured it was time to convey what he had been internalizing this whole time.
“You don’t get to talk that way. Not when it was you who two-timed him from the start,” Iwaizumi’s voice took a menacing tone. This was, by far, the scariest he had been: he wasn’t spouting off in anger, his voice sounded hushed, but it was obvious that there would be carnage.
“Y’know,” Iwaizumi started, slowly walking up to Akuma who was keeling over in pain, “I didn’t even hear the news from Y/N.”
“He wanted to hide that you cheated on him from me because even if he didn’t want to beat the shit out of you physically, he knew that I would.” Iwaizumi sat slowly to look at your ex eye-to-eye, death seen in his, “And he knows me so well.”
The girls in your ex’s arms were long gone. All that was left to face the wrath of Iwaizumi Hajime was the poor excuse of a man who manipulated you, hurt you, and used you. Your ex wasn’t going to go out of this party unscathed and everyone in their radar knew. Before his right knuckle could find its way to Akuma’s fear-stricken face, however, you had arrived.
“Stop it, Hajime.”
The aforementioned male sighed, relaxed his posture, and complied. Iwaizumi walks towards you as his anger slowly dissipates. As much as Iwa wanted to do so much more to your ex, he’d rather not anger nor disappoint you. It was you who was involved in the chaos after all, not him. Iwa was there to back you up and if it meant that he had to restrain himself from getting revenge for your sake, he would do it. He would do anything for you.
Akuma visibly relaxed too, assuming that you stopped Iwaizumi because you wanted to save your ex. He got so cocky at your presence to the point that he thought it was a good idea to utter the words “Just a guard dog, eh?” when you and Iwa started to walk away.
You retaliated at the speed of light, snarling as you threw a heavy punch to your ex’s disgusting face and successfully knocked the living daylights out of the spawn of Satan. Shocking everyone speechless, you looked your ex dead in the eyes and before leaving, you muttered, “Go to hell.”
Whether the mission was successful or not, neither you nor Iwa could tell. Yes, you were able to fool your ex and the entire class that you were together. Yes, you did make your ex feel jealous. So why did it feel so incomplete? Why did it feel as if you had more to resolve than you first did?
That was it? Is this the end of your faux relationship then?
The walk to your shared dorm was silent; the air heavy from what occurred just a few moments ago. With more questions than answers, you two had no choice but to retreat to the comfort of your shared living space.
While you went straight to your room to change, Iwa does what he does best when the atmosphere isn’t as light as either of you liked. He goes to the kitchen, gets a flurry of unhealthy junk foods that you two, as health practitioners in the making, ironically had, and prepares the living room for your impromptu Godzilla marathon.
This is how it always had been, you muse as you hear him surf the TV for the movies, this is how you two always cheer yourselves up when you get into disagreements or when either of you haven’t had the best day. You will forever be grateful for the support that Iwa always had been because without him, you don’t know how you would’ve survived this gruelling journey of yours.
Iwaizumi will always be important to you. He was your pillar, your anchor, your partner in crime, your pudding. You find yourself smiling as you fix your— it was Iwa’s but it’s yours now— hoodie, deciding to leave out all negativity that you had experienced because at the end of the day, Iwa was still with you.
Iwaizumi Hajime was still with you.
You pause, moments away from opening your door to your Iwa, wondering why it made you feel so warm to know that Iwaizumi Hajime was still with you, is still with you, and will always be with you.
Then you realize it all along.
The reason why pretending hurt more than your breakup, why seeing him so readily into your revenge quest stirred something inside of you, and why you felt that it was far more important to have Iwaizumi Hajime by your side than your ex.
Iwaizumi Hajime is and will always be your everything.
And maybe that meant that you wanted him by your side not as someone who you call your best friend, but someone who you hoped would be yours.
Is that too much to ask for?
Too focused on your revelation of the century, you failed to realize that the one person who reigned in your pretty head was standing before you— concerned by the fact that you had taken too long in your room, only to find you frozen by your front door, quite oblivious of his presence.
“You good?” He whispers, tone nothing but gentle. Iwaizumi, the ever-gruff and brash athlete, had always been gentle to you, hadn’t he?
You’ve had too many thoughts about your longtime roommate and best friend that his one question left you speechless. Perhaps it was your body’s precautionary measure against you and the possibility of a flurry of your heart’s unspoken desire pouring themselves out readily for Iwaizumi Hajime.
You love him, you realize. You’d always be ready to do anything for him, you realize.
“Hey…” Iwaizumi tries again when the only thing you did in response was look at him. Then he nervously goes on a tangent because he wasn’t fond of your silence, you had always been the better talker between the two of you, but Iwaizumi would rather he embarrass himself than let you sleep the night feeling terrible.
“I have Godzilla on for a marathon and I know we swore off on diet pudding cups after the challenge, but I bought some yesterday to eat with you because it had been years, right? Maybe we could—”
“I like you.”
“— eat some while… What?”
It was Iwa’s turn to be speechless. Maybe he was hallucinating. Maybe he was actually dreaming right now. You just said what?
“I like you,” You firmly repeated, far more serious than he’d ever seen you been. Iwaizumi stands frozen, unable to process what you had said; unable to fully grasp the thought of you liking him back; unable to get it in his head that the one person he had always cared about admitted to having feelings for him.
Iwaizumi Hajime had to be dreaming. That’s not what you said right? How could you ever possibly like him back?
“‘Like’ isn’t enough to convey how much adoration I hold for you, ‘Zumi. I care for you more than you could comprehend— more than the four letter word could hold so when I say I like you, Iwaizumi,” You mumble, nerves getting the best of you when your confession only received silence but you couldn’t stop yourself from finally admitting, “I mean I love you.”
With that final blow, Iwaizumi could finally affirm that you will be the death of him. You were his idiot, his contradiction, his pudding, and, with full confidence, he could finally say, his everything.
“Say something you idiot,” You whined out of pure embarrassment— too nervous to calm the loud beating of your heart as you witness Iwaizumi’s ears turn red— successfully bringing him out of his everlasting gay-panicking for you. Godzilla plays on in the background, reminding the both of you that the world will keep moving to tomorrow despite how slow time seemed for you two.
Iwaizumi tries to calm his nerves in the guise of sighing the way he always did when you did something that was contradictory to how things were for him. Smiling ever so softly at your scrunched up face trying its best to hide your trembles, he says:
“I like you too.”
“And when I say I like you, Y/N,” Iwaizumi immediately adds with a teasing smirk on his face, “I mean I love you.”
“Damn you idiot.”
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[omake]
before either of you could even move from your place, your dorm's door bursts open with an annoyed oikawa waiting.
"i've been standing outside for 15 minutes with all my luggage because i wanted to surprise my best friends but this is the welcome i get?" oikawa growls as he chucks the multitude of suitcases that he brought, only then noticing the atmosphere.
oikawa feels daggers pointed at him when he meets iwaizumi's glare. "oh wait..." oikawa slowly realizes, the imaginary lightbulb on his head lighting up by the way you had been so embarrassed, "oops...?"
"kUSOKAWA!!!"
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—reblogging helps, thank you!!
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mrsgiovanna · 3 years
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Unhinged - Don Giorno x Fem! Reader
A misunderstanding causes the reader a whole lot of distress. Blame it on the stress of planning your wedding to the Golden dreamboat or his shifty behavioral cues. Needless to say this occurs many years after the events of Vento Aureo. Some mild angst, some fluff, some mild nsfw- a mixed bag that nobody asked for really, unashamedly self indulgent 🥺💭💖
You always judged those unhinged girls. You know the type, the ones who would steal their partners phones and “run into them” at very convenient times. Pathetic, you’d always think, so you could not understand how, in heaven’s name, you found yourself sitting in your car across from your favorite Café, spying on your fiancé. You were thankful for the oversized sunglasses that hid most of your face as you stole a glance at yourself in the rear view mirror. You can’t imagine what your eyes might look like at this point.
It all started a week ago… Giorno was an extremely busy man, you of all people knew that best. He always made time for you though, however, the closer it got to your wedding, the less you saw of him. You were busy yourself, so you didn’t really have much time to yearn for his company, but the coldness of your bed was always a reminder that someone very important was supposed to be occupying that space. It wasn’t just the scarcity of your lover that had set off alarms in your mind, it was more his odd behavior. He was so secretive these days, keeping conversations shorter than they needed to be, hiding his devices from you when he received texts, discarding every scrap of paper from his pockets before properly greeting you when he did manage to come home in the daylight. Each time you questioned his behavior he just sweetly smiled and replied that everything was alright.
And so continued this mistimed waltz on eggshells until that fateful morning. A swirl of emotions bubbled up in your chest suffocating you when you found some kind of broken jewel clinging to Giorno’s suit. You couldn’t really make out what it might have been part of, or what lewd activities managed to dislodge it from its original owner and onto him, but for the first time in the years you have been together, you were suddenly unsure of whether you could spend your life with this man. Did you even know him at all?
The walls of the villa never felt so restrictive before, you needed to get out, clear your mind, perhaps even get another perspective. You could just be overreacting as you know you are inclined to do sometimes. Giorno was still in the shower, you contemplated letting him know that you were going out, but decided to just go. He can stew a little, get a taste of your personal hell for just a few hours. Hurriedly throwing on the outfit you laid out, you grab your keys and headed off to your favorite coffee shop, calling Trish while you were on your way there, asking her to meet you. The two of you had grown closer over the years and right now you needed a friend who would give you sound advice without sugarcoating the facts.
Giorno had sauntered out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, his upper body still glistening from the shower with his wet hair cascading down his back. He expected to find you there just doing your hair or putting on your mascara, he loved watching you get ready. It gave him a chance to fully admire you, making him feel proud, bordering on arrogant, that you were his and only he got to see all the different sides there were to your beauty. He knew he was being distant with you but he had his reasons for being so preoccupied. Walking towards the nightstand to check his phone, he sees the jacket he wore yesterday on the floor with the little jewel still hooked onto the fibers of the expensive fabric. Throwing his head back in resignation, he called Trish, already aware of what you might be thinking, and knowing that she’s usually the first person you’d turn to when you needed to chat.
“Hi Trish, do you have a second to chat? I’ll make it quick,” he starts off, putting the call on speaker so he can get dressed for the day.
“Giorno, what did you do? She already called me in a state, I’m on my way to meet her for coffee as we speak,”
“Okay look, I can explain everything, just know that I’m not being unfaithful,”
“How did this escalate so fast? Why are you giving her reasons to jump to these conclusions so close to the wedding? You better not be messing around,”
Giorno could hear the suspicion that edged Trish’s voice, so he explained everything and begged her to calm you down while he tended to a few issues.
You felt your shoulders relax as the tension melted away after pouring your heart out to Trish. After speaking to her it dawned on you that coming out and asking Giorno would be better than letting this outlandish scenario fester in your mind. After giving you the pep talk you needed Trish left to get on with her day while you stayed to organize yours. Sipping the last bit of your mocha Frappe, you darted towards your car when suddenly your attention was caught by a flash of gold and a flourish of a deep cerulean blue coat entering the Café. Certain that your eyes were playing tricks on you, you blinked a few times, but it was as clear as the blue sky above you, Giorno had arrived there with another woman. Hastily getting into your car, you sank into the soft leather seat and fished out your oversized Chanel sunglasses to conceal your presence as much as possible in the off chance he looked in your direction, although chances of that seemed very slim given how engrossed he was in their conversation.
Oh you hated every painful second of this, all the tension and anger that you’d let go of, found you all at once, marring your otherwise beautiful features.
You watched as he pulled out her chair and sat across from her, smiling that charming smile that could disarm a terrorist. He barely looked away from her, you wished he would see you, wondering what kind of explanation he’d conjure up. You contemplated going back inside to confront them, but you didn’t trust your emotions, tears stinging the corners of your eyes. You wouldn’t dare give them the satisfaction of seeing you cry… and so you watched, preparing yourself for what you may or may not see, however your resolve shattered when you saw Giorno pull out a little black box and slide it across the table towards her. She beamed as she opened it examining the contents without taking it out… was it a replacement for that trinket that you found? He always did have impeccable taste, you had always thought it was reserved for you though. Unable to watch any longer, you started the car and sped off, not wanting to go home, but having no motivation to go anywhere else, you just drove aimlessly for a while.
“Oh Mr Giovanna, these are perfect, they’re exactly what I needed to complete her bracelet, I’m sure your fiancé is going to love it!” exclaimed the lady sitting opposite your lover.
“Please, call me Giorno. I would hope so, it’s more sentimental than anything else, I’m just astounded that you were able to recreate the intricacies of the original design. Your talent knows no bounds,”
“Ah, like any artist, I’m always intrigued by beauty and mystery. How were you able to get a this many dainty gems at this short notice?”
“I have my network, I’m just glad you can complete it now, I can’t wait to give it to her,”
“Well you won’t have to wait too long, I should have this ready by the close of business today,”
“I won’t keep you any longer then, thanks once again for handling my request,” said Giorno with an extended hand as he stood up to leave.
It was a mission to try and recreate your mother’s heirloom bracelet from a faded, wrinkled picture, but he was determined to give you something special, that would make you feel closer to her as well. Your lineage was a mystery, your father unknown, so when your mother arrived in Italy it was one of the few valuables she had had on her person. She did everything she could to provide for you when you were little, but she unfortunately had succumbed to her circumstances leaving you to fend for yourself in an unforgiving world. His heart clenched when you recounted stories of your childhood, which somewhat mirrored his own. You never complained though, he could see your heart ached when you thought of her, and all the things she would have helped you with especially now. Still, the way you concealed your heartache with a trained smile, would always make him wonder how such strength could be contained by something so angelically beautiful. Drawn out of his reverie of you, Giorno had arrived at his destination and continued with his day until it was time to collect your present and head home.
By the time you had finally found yourself at your driveway, you were exhausted and wanted nothing more than to bury yourself in a cave and hibernate until everything was over. How arrogant of you to assume this would last when every good thing in your life came to an end. Dragging your wary body up the stairs, you buried yourself under the soft comforter, shutting your eyes with the hope that it would all have been a dream by the time you resurface.
When Giorno finally made it home, the first thing he did was seek you out. Usually you’d be quietly nestled on the couch reading or working on something, or you’d be tinkering in the kitchen making some sort of delicious treat, both as a means to relax and indulge your shared sweet tooth. But you couldn’t be found in either of those places. He found you huddled on the bed you both shared, looking so fragile as you slept in a fetal position. He didn’t want to disturb you but he couldn’t help gently brushing your hair off your face, which unfortunately resulted in you waking up.
“Gio, I didn’t expect you back this early…” you murmured, still waiting for your eyes to adjust to the light. The events of today came flooding back to you and you resolved to just come straight out and confront him. Noticing the change in your demeanor, Giorno sat next to you on the edge of the bed, while he loosened his top shirt button and took off his tie.
“Giogio, I don’t know how to put this delicately, so I’m just going to say it… you’ve been acting so different lately, always so secretive, hiding things from me, and this morning I found remnants of some jewelry that didn’t belong to me on your clothes… and probably the worst thing of all is that I saw you with someone while I was out this morning. You both looked very comfortable with each other, and… I… who is she?” you rambled on, your voice barely louder than a whisper. This wasn’t playing out how you had imagined it, with most of the fight being forced out of your body by melancholy. Seeing the evidence of your anguish in your eyes, Giorno reached out to cup your cheek, you mentally chastised yourself for automatically melting into his touch.
“Ah my sweet principessa, I love you, only you, I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you or break that trust. The lady you saw me with is a jewelry designer, I commissioned something very special for you, so we just met so I could give her the materials to complete it… I wanted to give it to later at dinner tonight, but you’re in no condition to go out, so let’s stay in, okay?” he explained as he pulled out a box from his breast pocket and settled down next to you. “Go on, open it,”
You gingerly take the box, opening it slowly, curiosity and embarrassment fighting against each other in your mind.
“Gio, how did you manage to find it after all these years? I thought it would have been melted down and broken up completely.”
You simply couldn’t believe your eyes, it broke your heart when you sold off the bracelet to pay off her debts after she passed, it killed your spirit entirely when you were told it wasn’t enough to cover what she’d owed. That’s how you found yourself in Passione, working as one of Bucciarati’s underlings.
“Well, unfortunately I couldn’t find the exact piece bella, trust me, I tried. You’re probably correct in saying that it was taken apart, so I had this recreated to its exact specifications. I hope you like it,”
Giorno’s voice was so tender, as was his expression. Tears clouded your vision, it was the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for you, you were at a complete loss for words.
“Gio… Tesoro, I don’t know what to say, thank you doesn’t seem like nearly enough. And I’m so sorry I ever doubted you, I feel like such an idiot, that’s probably because I am one. How can I make it up to you? I totally understand if you’re too upset to talk to…” your rambling was cut off by Giorno’s lips gently pressing against your own. His hand softly grasped the back of your head, slightly tilting your face upwards to deepen the kiss.
“That was thanks enough amore mio, I love you,”
“Ti amo con tutto il mio cuore,” you reply, while trying to hide your embarrassment by nestling your face in the crook of Giorno’s neck.
“Molto bene, your Italian is improving bella, I’m proud of you.”
Giorno snaps the sparkly trinket onto your wrist and admires how your eyes light up when you look at it. The glimmer of his eyes in the soft lighting of the room awakened a yearning within you. Giving in to the feeling, you kiss Giorno’s collarbone, earning a hum of approval from him, as you softly trailed kisses up his neck and onto his jaw, finally settling on his lips. You felt him smiling into the kiss, he ran his tongue across your bottom lip asking for entry, to which you willingly obliged as your hands toyed with his braid, undoing it completely. His hands ran up and down your body, worshipping the dips and curves he adored so much. Breaking away from the kiss for a moment, he looked down at you, eyes darkened with lust, hands hovering over the buttons of your shirt asking for permission to disrobe you, which you granted with a small nod. He was so gorgeous, so strong and he exuded such charisma that you found yourself submitting to his every request, spoken or otherwise, lapping up every bit of praise he afforded you as you took him in his entirety. Once, twice, you had lost count of how many times you both peaked.
At some point in the night you had woken up ensconced in the warm embrace of your sleeping lover, finally being able to form a coherent thought, you promised yourself to never baselessly doubt his love for you ever again. With that you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to fall asleep again, feeling completely safe, content and loved.
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melanielocke · 3 years
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Lost in the Shadows - chapter 5
AO3
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
CW: mentions of PTSD, mentions of alcoholism and past abuse, mentions of past toxic relationship
Taglist @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon
The thick fog that hovered above the ground made the forest seem like the scenery out of a gothic movie. Not that Alastair minded, he felt at home among the trees, in the darkness. He and Thomas had met after breakfast before Lucie or Cordelia had woken. Alastair had always been an early riser and he was glad to see Thomas was too. More than that, though, Alastair was a poor sleeper. He had frequent nightmares and so far he’d found nothing that helped. Not even his stuffed hedgehog, which he was ashamed to admit he still slept with.
‘Look. Over there,’ Thomas pointed, his finger aimed at the ground.
Alastair followed his gaze and saw a small hedgehog, walking along the shrubs. Hedgehogs were nocturnal creatures, he knew, it wasn’t common to see them during the day, even in early morning. It was adorable.
‘Aw. I love hedgehogs, they are my favorite animals,’ Alastair said with a small smile that was rare these days.
‘They suit you,’ Thomas agreed.
‘How exactly?’ Alastair asked.
‘Well, you’re prickly and need to be handled with care or you’ll sting, but when you can look past that you’re actually adorable.’
Thomas’ cheeks flushed a dark red. ‘What I mean is,’ he began, but Alastair interrupted him with a grin.
‘Adorable, huh?’ he said.
‘I guess so,’ Thomas said. ‘Cordelia told me you still sleep with your stuffed animals. She said your favorite is a hedgehog.’
‘Little traitor,’ Alastair said.
‘I sleep with mine too,’ Thomas admitted. ‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I have several owls. I just sleep more comfortable that way. I need something to hold on to.’
He was surprised Thomas didn’t judge him. He felt his father would have, had he known, but he’d been too drunk to notice.
Alastair’s smile returned. ‘Now that is adorable. To tell you the truth, I keep mine around to protect me from nightmares.’
Thomas frowned. ‘Does that work?’
‘Not really. But at least holding onto something helps me relax enough to fall asleep.’
He could lie awake at night sometimes. Lately, Alastair was always tired. He did what was expected of him during the day, but he never felt rested or energetic. Even after a long night sleep with minimal nightmares, he woke tired and staying in bed didn’t help.
They talked about all sorts of topics, history, books they read, what Alastair’s first year at university had been like. Thomas told him about previous summers, which they’d usually spent in Spain. He’d spent enough time there to be fluent in Spanish now, partially because his parents had studied there and his father liked to speak Spanish at home. Alastair was surprised how easy conversing with Thomas was. He’d always struggled with making small talk, with keeping the conversation going, but Thomas didn’t shy away from more serious topics and seemed genuinely interested in what Alastair had to say.
He and Thomas continued their walk, and Alastair could tell something was bothering Thomas. He was tense, his shoulders a bit hunched. Alastair had learnt to sense when people were anxious or tense and tended to get nervous himself whenever that happened. He wondered if he’d always been hypersensitive to other people’s moods, or if he’d learnt after having to anticipate his father’s moods and then Charles’ for such a long time. He narrated a description of his surroundings to himself in an attempt to ground him in reality, to calm down enough that he could help and support Thomas. He felt useless, what was the point in being able to read people if their anxiety bothered him so much?
‘Are you alright?’ Alastair asked after a silence.
‘Why do you ask?’ Thomas asked, his voice uneven.
‘Because you seem anxious about something. Is it about me? Are you still mad about what happened at school?’
Alastair had always been more tolerant around Thomas himself, but he’d treated Thomas’ friends awfully. All he felt right now was a horrible guilt and regret for what he’d done. For how he’d justified his actions, telling himself that it was better than being bullied, that what he did wasn’t as bad as what other students had done to him. All empty excuses, and it had never been alright.
‘It’s not about you,’ Thomas said. ‘And I’m not mad. I can’t say I understand why you did it, but I know you were going through some difficult times. Besides, it happened so long ago. James and Matthew are still upset, I think. But they’re not here. I don’t think Matthew would like it much here anyway. He prefers to spend his holidays shopping and drinking at bars until late night.’
Alastair tensed a bit when Thomas’ mentioned Matthew’s drinking the way he always did when alcohol was mentioned. Once he’d been able to take care of his drunk father with little emotion, pushing everything to the bottom until he was sure his father was alright and Cordelia wouldn’t discover he wasn’t ill. Nowadays even mentions of alcohol or drinking tended to make him feel sick, as if an invisible hand was clutching at his stomach, at his heart. Just breathe, he told himself.
‘Oh shit, I’m sorry,’ Thomas said. ‘I’m not supposed to mention alcohol around you, am I?’
Alastair sighed. ‘I take it everyone knows, then?’
Alastair still found it difficult when people knew about his disorder. It was difficult to ask for adjustments, to admit a weakness and ask people to not drink in his presence, to ask people to change their own behavior for his sake. He knew most people wouldn’t be willing to do that, and he’d much rather not ask and pretend everything was fine. But eventually he’d had to admit to himself he just couldn’t handle being around people drinking and alcohol was so normalized in Britain it was difficult to avoid sometimes.
‘Not the particulars,’ Thomas admitted. ‘But Mr. Herondale warned us that we shouldn’t drink, nor discuss alcohol when you’re there.’
‘It’s fine,’ Alastair said. ‘As long as I don’t see you drink, or smell it on you, it’s fine.’
People talking about alcohol could be difficult, but he could manage. He would. Matthew Fairchild was across the sea, and him drinking alcohol didn’t harm Alastair. It wasn’t his problem.
‘You don’t seem fine.’
‘It’s not easy, but it’s alright. I can handle mentions of drinking,’ Alastair said.
He hated how some people who knew about his diagnosis had started to walk on eggshells around him, like he was a bomb that would explode the moment someone said something wrong. It made him feel like he was fragile, broken, like there was something horribly wrong with him, when Alastair desperately tried to convince himself that wasn’t true. Deep down, he knew it was true though. He knew there was something wrong with him and that he wasn’t normal and would never be.
‘You don’t have to,’ Thomas said. ‘Look, I don’t think you want to talk about it and you don’t have to. But if you want to talk… I’m here for you, alright? I can promise I am a good listener.’
Alastair nodded. ‘You still haven’t told me what’s bothering you,’ he said in an attempt to deflect.
Alastair took a sip out of the flask of water he’d taken to carrying with him. Ever since starting paroxetine, he often had a dry mouth. He’d also gained some weight. Risa in particular was very happy with that development. Before starting his medication he’d been underweight, often unable to eat because of his nerves. Aunt Risa had worried about his weight loss, and had been very happy when he had started eating again and gotten back at a normal weight.
Apart from that no side effects, and Alastair was mostly glad his medication didn’t cause any sexual dysfunction because he’d heard that happened sometimes. Even if he didn’t have a boyfriend now, he guessed he wanted one someday. He tried to ignore the voice in his head, reminding him that no one would want to be his boyfriend, that he wasn’t worth the effort. Charles had often told him he was difficult to love, that other people wouldn’t bother, and Alastair had believed him. Part of him still did.
The effect taking antidepressants had was only partial, paroxetine on its own wasn’t enough to treat PTSD, but when it came to this specific disorder it was the most effective out of all antidepressants. Alastair had agreed to give it a try. Two months in, it was definitely better than nothing and he had more good days, but he hoped the EMDR treatment he would be starting after the summer was more effective.
‘It’s something that happened yesterday,’ Thomas admitted. ‘I’m not sure I should tell you.’
‘You can trust me to keep your secret,’ Alastair promised. ‘But you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.’
‘You know your cousin Jem used to fight the evil creatures of the supernatural, right?’ Thomas asked. ‘And your father too, before…’
Before he’d started drinking. People who knew about his father’s past as a hero sometimes said it was the price he’d had to pay, for seeing so many horrors and fighting for so long. Alastair hated it, it made him want to scream. What about the price I had to pay?
It was what had set him off when Jem had come over for dinner, not aware that anything was wrong with him. His cousin had talked about the struggles of life as a hero, the effects it could have on someone. Later, Alastair had learned his mother had become so desperate she’d confessed Elias’ addiction to Jem and had asked him if he could convince him to seek treatment.
Jem had agreed, and had used Elias’ past heroism as a gentle way to bring up the problem, but Alastair had felt as if Jem was trying to justify his father’s addiction and by extension what he’d put his family through. He’d screamed at Jem, at his father, at everyone present really. What about the people surrounding such a person? What about the people who were hurt when a hero’s burden became too much, did they not matter? Horrified at his own outburst, Alastair had ran to his room and attempted to calm himself by putting on Metallica and turning up the volume until he could block everything else out. When Jem had come upstairs, Alastair had expected him to be angry. Instead, Jem had been worried. It was the first time someone had realized his moodiness wasn’t just a “turbulent adolescence”, as his parents had long thought.
‘Yes,’ Alastair said. ‘When I was younger, my father would tell me stories about the creatures he’d fought and defeated.’
Once he’d loved listening to his father’s stories. Once he had sat down in his father’s lap and asked him to tell him about the incubus in Greece, or the kelpie in Scotland. Now he only wondered if his father had been drinking already back then. He wasn’t sure when it had gotten out of hand.
‘Well, I can see them. What I mean is, I have gift that makes it so I can see anything without having to learn at all. My mother and my oldest sister Barbara have the same gift.’
Alastair nodded. ‘So does my aunt Risa,’ he said. ‘She taught me and Cordelia how to see.’
There had been times in his life where he’d felt like Risa was the only person who cared about him. He hadn’t dared tell her about his father’s alcoholism, desperate to keep his family together and in one piece, but she’d been there when he needed her. No one else had done that for him. She used to take him to see the gnomes play in parks, since she didn’t have a garden of her own. She used to cook and bake in her kitchen with him. Risa was a cook in a local Iranian restaurant and had taught him everything she knew about making good food.
‘Yesterday, I walked into the woods and I encountered the washing woman. They say seeing her is an omen of death, although in my case it could just be that she didn’t intend for me to see her, but with my gift I see her anyway.’
‘I’ve heard of such creatures,’ Alastair said. ‘You must not approach or they might attack and paralyze your legs. But if you can sneak up on them, they are said to grant a wish.’
Alastair thought not so long ago he would have given it a try if he’d seen such a woman. He might have asked her to fix his family, or at least fix his father’s alcoholism. Nowadays, he wasn’t sure what he’d ask for. Fixing his father’s alcoholism wouldn’t cure his PTSD, it wouldn’t allow him to love or trust his father again, wouldn’t erase the past years. Perhaps he would ask for a cure for his PTSD, but he didn’t think such a thing existed, he wasn’t sure what exactly the result of such a wish would be. Nor did he know who his father would be without his addiction. He did not think his father would love him sober either. The best he could hope for was that EMDR treatment would help him.
‘Well, I ran,’ Thomas said. ‘But not before it called out to me. Warning me about some unpaid debt from my grandfather who made all sorts of deals with dangerous creatures.’
Alastair had heard plenty of stories like that from his father. There were all kinds of creatures that generally left humanity alone, but could trick people into making deals with them. It usually ended badly, and sometimes required intervention.
Alastair tried to think, was Thomas in danger? He’d always known about the supernatural, of course, but preferred to stay away from it. Cordelia was the one who had been given their father’s magical sword, and although Alastair hated the idea of her living the kind of life Father used to live, it suited her more than it suited Alastair.
‘From what I learnt, deals with supernatural entities often go wrong,’ Alastair said. ‘Is your grandfather still alive?’
Thomas shook his head. ‘I never knew him. Apparently he turned into a giant worm and uncle Will, uncle Jem and uncle Gabriel had to kill him. My parents are trying to look into it a bit more, but it’s difficult since my aunt has all his journals, his possessions, and isn’t willing to share. According to my father, his mother died as a result of his dealings, and my cousin Jesse might have too.’
Alastair wasn’t sure what to think. He had heard some vague stories of the Lightwoods and Herondales who used to fight dangerous creatures, but had no idea a relative had made such deals. Of course, he didn’t think his father had been involved in this. His cousin Jem had carried cortana for one of two years before retiring and giving it back to Elias.
‘I think something might be after me,’ Thomas added. ‘I was often sick as a child, and so was Jesse. No one could figure out what was wrong with me.’
Alastair frowned. ‘I don’t remember you being sick often when we went to the same school. You were always there, trailing behind me, I would have noticed if you were absent often.’
‘I grew over my sickness when I was almost fourteen, we met soon after that,’ Thomas said. ‘I always kind of took it for granted, since no one could tell me what was wrong with me I figured it was normal I’d grow over it eventually. But I got better around the same time Jesse died, and then my aunt Tatiana, Jesse’s mother, came by our house and yelled at my parents that it should have been me.’
Alastair frowned. ‘And you think that means that your cousin dying had to do with your grandfather’s debt?’
‘My aunt believed it, at least.’
‘But what does that have to do with you getting better?’ Alastair asked, not sure if he could make sense of that theory.
‘Well, both Jesse and I were sick. I didn’t know him well, Tatiana kept him away from us, but he did know Lucie and she told me his symptoms were almost exactly the same as mine.’
‘And it’s not a genetic disorder?’ Alastair asked.
‘No one else in the family was sick, just me and Jesse,’ Thomas continued. ‘I got tested for pretty much everything they could think of, all negative. They couldn’t find out what was wrong with Jesse either. My grandmother already died as payment for what my grandfather did. So it’s not that farfetched that Benedict owed them a grandchild or something and they had to choose between me and Jesse. Except Jesse’s death wasn’t enough, and now some creature came to warn me I’m next.’ Thomas looked resigned. ‘I think I’m going to die.’
Alastair took Thomas’ hand, hoping that would not be too forward. ‘You’re not going to die,’ he said. ‘I have never heard of debts being passed on to next generations, or going on for so long. From what I’ve been told, it usually ends when the person who made the deal dies.’
‘Not in this case,’ Thomas said. ‘Jesse got lost in the woods where he lived and died. People searched, but no one could find him until he was already dead.’
Alastair could tell Thomas was getting more and more anxious and Alastair wasn’t sure how to help him. He couldn’t say for sure that was Thomas was saying was wrong, even if he still tried to think of more mundane explanations for what was happening.
‘But getting lost in the woods is not supernatural, is it? If we strayed off the path here, it could be a while until we found our way out.’
‘Yes, but the woods where he got lost weren’t big like here. Realistically, they should have found him much sooner. That’s weird, unless there was magic involved. It wasn’t particularly cold either, it happened during spring.’
Alastair had to admit that was odd. Not all forests were big enough to get lost in and die. Even here, he suspected if they didn’t make it back, people would raise alarm soon enough and find them long before they could die of natural causes. Of course, their chances of surviving a couple of days might be better than those of a twelve year old boy.
‘Could the entity that claimed Jesse’s life have picked him over you because you have the sight?’ Alastair speculated. ‘That’s something you inherited from your mother, isn’t it? Jesse didn’t have that.’
‘It is,’ Thomas confirmed. ‘No one in my father’s family has it. It feels kind of awful, doesn’t it? That I lived and got better because Jesse died?’
‘That’s just speculation,’ Alastair said sharply. ‘Don’t beat yourself up over things we can’t prove. But there is something we could do to gather more information.’
‘Beyond convincing my aunt to give us those journals?’ Thomas asked.
‘So, I haven’t done this with someone else in a very long time. Perhaps it’s best I show you.’
Alastair chose a neutral memory. He had considered a happy one, but he didn’t think he’d be comfortable sharing any of that with Thomas, not yet. Besides, he didn’t have many happy memories. It had to be nice, with his ability, to have infinite happy memories he could revisit at any time. Instead, Alastair mainly got caught in the bad ones. He picked a memory from a lecture on the history of socialism. Alastair remembered being horrified at some of the comments other students had made, only later had he realized Charles probably agreed with them. But that wasn’t the point right now. Instead, he showed Thomas a bit of the start of the lecture. The professor was animated, talking about the subject like it was the most interesting thing ever.
‘Was this at university?’ Thomas asked when they were back in the woods. ‘What did you just do?’
‘I showed you a memory of mine. Not a particularly interesting one, but it gets the point across. I can revisit any of my memories.’
‘That must make it easy to study for exams,’ Thomas said, but it wasn’t accusatory. Alastair sometimes felt like using his ability was cheating, but what was the point of having a magic memory if you didn’t even use it?
‘I do need to remember where the information I need is. So if I don’t remember the answer to an exam question, but do remember which lecture it was discussed, or which book, I can go back there. Fortunately, I am also good at studying and usually know where to look.’
Alastair had a whole library inside his head. At home, he kept a list of every book he ever read to organize it.
‘But how will that help?’ Thomas asked. ‘Is there anything you remember?’
Alastair’s dark eyes gleamed. ‘No, not related to what’s happening to you. But you have your memories. Perhaps your parents remember things, details they didn’t think were important at the time. I can help you rewatch your own memories, help you recall things you might have forgotten. It is something that I do not usually do, as it feels rather invasive. But if it helps save your life, I’m willing to give it a try.’
Thomas nodded. ‘Yes, of course. You can look in my memories all you like if that’ll save me.’
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fiddlepickdouglas · 3 years
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Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 14 - Unexpected Meeting
Summary: Sunset Curve Alive AU, Willex, who will they run into?, 3.2k
@trevor-wilson-covington is the bestie who makes these lovely edits, we stan supportive friends
WARNINGS: death mention, emotional trauma
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13
“Man, I need a break,” Reggie was saying as he strolled with Alex down an unfamiliar street in the early evening, stretching his arms. “I mean, being in the studio all the time has been good, but on top of everything else it’s just so much!”
Unsure where they were headed, Alex walked a few paces ahead on the sidewalk, casually navigating for both of them. He squinted as he looked at Reggie.
“Reggie, you dropped, like, all of your classes once we signed on.”
“Nope!” his friend exclaimed, tilting his head in a proud manner. “I just needed two electives to graduate. It’s okay, though, man. Not everyone finishes their math requirements as a freshman.” Reggie patted Alex’s shoulder, as if it were any sort of consolation.
“No, good for you Reg,” Alex said. His parents had paid for all this private tutoring and even gotten him to take some college credits early. Of course, his only serious plan after high school had been the band so it was all wasted effort, but then all of their attempts with him amounted to that. He was learning to feel less guilty over it. It wasn’t his fault they never cared about what he wanted.
“How long do you think Luke and Bobby are gonna be workshopping their parts together?” Reggie asked.
“Long enough. Where are we going, exactly?”
“Oh, I was just kind of keeping an eye out for anywhere interesting.”
Alex blinked. “I thought we were headed somewhere specific.”
“I’ve only been to this side of L.A. like, once, so I don’t think I’d make a good tour guide,” Reggie stated.
And just like that, Alex’s mind thrust itself back into remembering Willie. He was getting better at not crumbling completely in the moment, but it still felt like his heart was temporarily dunked into a dark ocean of misery. It would remain waterlogged and heavy inside his chest for a while.
“Alex?” Reggie was saying, looking at him with concern. “You okay?”
Snapping his thoughts back to the present, Alex sighed as he looked back at Reggie.
“I’ll be fine.”
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jean jacket and pressed his arms against his sides. Shoulders hunched, he continued through the crowd. Focusing on walking would hopefully help it wear off. He made every step purposeful, trying to get the weight in his heart to fall through his feet. Reggie’s hand on his shoulder made him turn.
“It’s still rough, isn’t it?” he asked gently. “If I said something - ”
“It’s not your fault,” Alex tried to assure him. “Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere. Besides, I can’t make you and everyone else walk on eggshells.”
“Maybe not, but we’re in this with you. It may have been different for us, but we all met Willie. I’d never seen you warm up to anyone that fast. Even after a few months, it’s still fresh; don’t force yourself to be better for us.”
Pausing on the sidewalk, Alex looked up at Reggie. He tried to smile as gratitude edged its way in, relieving most of the heaviness in his chest.
“I appreciate that, Reg.”
“Of course, man.”
“So,” Alex took a deep breath to let everything else wash away as they kept wandering. “You made it sound like you had a lot going on. Is everything at home okay?”
Reggie shrugged. “Eh...no change there. My mom went to stay with her sister after the last fight, so my dad’s been trying his best to take care of everything, but he’s too upset to handle it well. My little sister has just been sleeping over with friends anyway, and I can handle myself, so - ” he shrugged again, “ - you know, I do what I can.”
Alex nodded. He had nothing really to comment, and Reggie knew he was always there to support him. This wasn’t anything unusual for him, but it still wasn’t right. Neither of them spent much time at their own homes, so wandering through the city like this kept them occupied when they weren’t with the rest of the band. Looking up at the store signs around them, he saw a record store about a block ahead.
“Hey, why don’t we check that out?” he suggested.
“Yeah!” Reggie said, dropping any ounce of gloom from the previous subject and skipping along to catch up with Alex.
A small bell rang as they came through the door, and they immediately began filtering through shelves of records and CDs. Peeking toward the back of the store, Alex could see a counter that offered a menu of food and drinks, some tables, as well as the smallest stage in the world. This seemed like a neat little place.
“Oh,” Reggie started after a while. “I got us a gig playing at my cousin’s wedding.”
“A wedding?” Alex said skeptically, turning from the Pansy Division vinyl he was checking out. “When we’re trying to finish a record and go on tour?”
“It’s Conrad, okay, he’s family! And he said we could make the setlist.”
Alex shrugged, considering that was fair.
“...with his approval.”
At that addition, Alex could only sigh and shake his head.
“And then maybe, you could, I don’t know, finally ask Bobby to be your date?”
Reggie put down the Mötley Crüe album he’d been examining and looked up at him in shock. Alex realized he’d possibly been too blunt. But immediately Reggie began to cover it up, laughing and shaking his head.
“What?” he said, his denial completely transparent. “Was that a...was that supposed to be a joke or something?”
Giving him a look of pity, Alex put his hands on his hips.
“You’re really gonna try to pull the wool over the eyes of your gay friend?”
Caught, Reggie looked back at him in defeat and bowed his head.
“I’m gonna guess you noticed a while ago?”
Nodding, Alex tried to soften his demeanor. 
“There’s been something up with you two for months. How come you haven’t tried to talk to him about it?”
Reggie knit his brow and began fiddling with his fingers.
“Well, I’m a little confused by it, to be honest. Cuz, I mean...I like girls, right?”
“Yeah, so?”
“But I like Bobby, too.”
“Okay.”
His friend looked up at him, expecting more of a reaction. Alex leaned against the shelf and folded his arms.
“Do you think there’s something wrong with you? Because you’re talking to the king of wrong feelings.”
“Well, sometimes I feel like that, but not really. It’s something else,” Reggie said.
“Like what?”
“Well...we’ve been friends for years. It just sort of crept up on me and I don’t know what to do. What if he rejects it? He’s one of my best friends.”
Thinking for a moment, Alex looked down at his feet. He didn’t blame Reggie for being worried. He’d had a mini crush on Bobby for a couple weeks back in ninth grade and had the same dilemma. It was easier for him to get over, though, simply because it had faded quickly.
“Well, I wish I could say if it’s meant to be it’ll happen, but sometimes…”
Sometimes it dies in a fire before there’s any chance of knowing.
He shook his head to get rid of the awful thought and ignored Reggie’s look of concern.
“But if I know Bobby, I don’t think it’s going to harm anything. I think you should go for it, Reg. I truly, honestly, will back you up on that.”
A smile spread wide across Reggie’s face.
“Thanks, man!”
Without fretting over it for another second, he turned back to the shelf of CDs he’d been perusing, and Alex did the same. There was a crazy good selection, and Alex wished he could get his hands on a record player. Playing CDs on a boombox worked for some things, but there was a level of charm in playing something on a vinyl record that appealed to him even more. He made a note to get a small notebook to carry in his fanny pack, hoping to return to this store and make a wishlist of sorts to work toward.
“Do I see Alex and Reggie of Sunset Curve?” A familiar voice said from behind.
Both of them turned to find Flynn standing in the aisle, braids tied up into a high ponytail and eyebrow arched in her usual smart fashion.
“Hey Flynn!” Reggie exclaimed, pulling her into a hug. Alex went in for one afterward, happily surprised.
“Hey guys!” she said, grinning.
“What are you up to?” Alex asked.
“Gonna be performing in a bit,” she said excitedly. “Just a warm up before the main group comes on. I’ve been working on some of my own stuff; I think you guys would love it! Got time to stick around?”
“Sweet!” Reggie raised a fist for her to bump. “I’m down. Alex, wanna stay?”
“Yeah, sounds great!”
He had yet to see what Flynn was capable of. If he were to judge only on knowing she’d been in a duo with Julie, he expected it to be good.
“Also, you should try the burritos here,” Flynn told them. “They are to die for!”
The endless click-rollll-click-click-click of his board filled his ears as Willie moved through the street, feeling the wind pass over him in the way that made freedom feel like he could clutch it in his hands. He’d actually spent today not worrying about Alex. It felt good not to dwell on what little past he had access to. Of course, he still had repetitive dreams about the few memories that had come back, but the backwards one with Caleb in it hadn’t come back ever since he’d gotten to LA. Moving forward felt...nice.
He had spent the morning sketching at the beach, getting all sorts of practice in. The beautiful waves, seagulls, the different activities all around him. Somehow a group of young college kids had gotten him to join their volleyball tournament. Willie wasn’t sure if he’d ever played it before, but once he caught onto the game, he’d gotten surprisingly good. It felt nice to roll up the hem of his jeans and dig his toes into the warm sand while playing with a group of strangers. They’d nicknamed him Mowgli, whatever that meant. He liked the sound of it though.
Heading off to work after cleaning himself up, he realized he could spend all his free time that way. Peacefully sketching, meeting fun people, and enjoying his surroundings. Was that all it took to be happy? Willie chuckled at the thought of how much Caleb had stressed over rising to the top of his business game, never appearing to be satisfied with any of it. Leaving Vegas remained the best decision he’d ever made. Of course, he wasn’t always proud about his method of burning down the shed, but it had been one of those...heat of the moment things.
Willie skated up to the back entrance and shook his hair out after lifting off his helmet. Just a few short hours of making food, some chill entertainment, and he could peace out for the night. He headed inside the store and right into the small kitchen. Thankfully, the store didn’t fit too many patrons and it was never hard to keep up with orders, and Kyle had a system so he never had to leave the kitchen. This basically meant he could jam to the live music during the lulls between orders with no interruption.
Kyle entered the kitchen just as Willie was tying on his apron.
“Hey, dude, thanks for coming. We actually got two acts coming in, so it should be a full crowd. Katelyn can be the MC for the first bit, but do you mind taking over for the second half?”
A twinge of excitement came over Willie and he lit up. He’d never gotten to try being an MC before.
“Don’t mind at all!” he said.
“Alright, man!” Kyle exclaimed. “First two orders up: swamp style nachos and a bog burrito.”
“Got it.”
“We’re up for a big night with these performances,” the girl hosting hyped up the crowd. “Let’s give it up for our artist of the night: Flynn Taylor!”
Reggie cupped his hands over his mouth as he hollered along with everyone else’s applause. Alex clapped with a mouthful of nachos. Flynn stepped onto the stage behind a set of deejay turntables, smirking as she began flipping switches and turning knobs.
“Thanks for coming out here everyone,” she said into the mic. More applause and whistles echoed through the room. “We’re gonna make a lot of noise tonight, so let me hear you get pumped!”
As she began playing a beat, Alex bobbed along, immediately interested. He didn’t know a thing about mixing, so he was highly impressed with the different sounds she was using. Then Flynn picked up the mic and began rapping and the whole room cheered.
“...I’m a princess, I don’t need a prince, boy I’m priceless...I’m here to shut it down like a night shift…”
“Man,” Reggie leaned over to Alex. “She’s so good! I say we book her to open for us ASAP as possible.”
Alex merely snorted and chuckled at Reggie’s misuse of the acronym. He actually enjoyed the idea of having Flynn rapping to open for their rock shows. Gigs where all the bands sounded the same got a little flavorless sometimes.
“Also,” Reggie said as he took a huge bite into his burrito. “This is the best burrito I’ve ever had.”
“Lemme try some, you can try my nachos,” Alex said.
All Reggie could say was Mm! as he passed the burrito over.
The final beats of the first performer echoed in the kitchen where Willie had been dancing, waving various kitchen tools around. He’d thoroughly enjoyed the whole set, and wondered what sounded so familiar about the girl who was rapping. Before he could spend more time thinking about it, Kyle came in.
“Okay, you ready?” he asked.
“I just keep people busy and then announce the next group, right?” Willie guessed.
“Yeah, man, you’ve got this!”
“What’s the next group called?”
“Downslide. And they brought some merch, so it’s a good idea to mention that to the crowd as well.”
“Okay,” Willie nodded, slipping out of his apron. “Maybe I could put their t-shirt on or something, you know, sell the look?”
Kyle looked impressed. “Yeah! I’ll go see what they’ve got.”
He left the kitchen and hardly a minute later returned with a jacket.
“They said you could wear it for the night. Not gonna lie, I wish I could wear this, it’s a sweet jacket.”
Willie slipped it on, and turned around. He didn’t often wear jackets, but whatever it was made of was pretty soft.
“Guess I’m ready,” he said, giving Kyle a hand slide and fist bump before leaving the kitchen. He stepped up behind the microphone and looked out at the crowd, and further back, the empty store.
At that moment, he heard the bell of the store door ring and two guys walked outside. Through the window, a familiar leather jacket passed. Then, he saw a head of blonde hair follow, turning to look both ways to cross the street, and his heart grew to fill all the empty space in his chest. It was unmistakable. It had to be.
“Alex...” he breathed quietly into the microphone. Adrenaline immediately went out to his extremities. The crowd before him looked bewildered as they waited for him to announce the next group.
Glancing offstage, he saw Kyle give him a strange look. Willie shook his head, unclear what message he was sending but ultimately knowing he couldn’t stay at his current spot. Before he could think anything else, his legs were bounding out the door. It felt like every ounce of blood in his veins knew. The search was over.
Reggie and Alex had just reached the opposite corner. He wasn’t going to miss his chance.
“Alex!” he cried, running to meet them.
He immediately thrust his arms around a surprised Alex, gripping him tightly, burying his face into his shoulder.
“Oh my god, Alex!” he said, panting. “It’s so good to see you.”
He didn’t feel the hug didn’t reciprocate, and instead Alex grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away. The darkness of the street seemed to envelop him.
“What are you - ?” Alex started, staring back at Willie like he’d just been assaulted. Then shock wiped over his whole face. Then confusion. And then a pain came over all of it that made Willie’s concern grow.
“What - what is it?” he asked, all the excitement gone.
Alex wouldn’t look him in the eye, and he raised a hand to hold the side of his head.
“No, this isn’t real,” he whispered to himself, shrinking backward and shutting his eyes. “This can’t be real.”
Willie glanced over at Reggie, who also stared like he was seeing the impossible. He could see Alex shaking and heard a rattled breath, and felt tension grow thick in the air. Quickly, he went to take Alex’s face in his hands.
“Alex, hey, look, it’s me,” he soothed. He fought to get a look directly into his eyes. “It’s me, Willie.”
Finally, the green ocean gazed back at him, turbulent and restless. What once had been a grounding rhythm of waves had turned into a maelstrom of despair. Even worse were the tears welling up right before him. Willie watched the storm rage for a few seconds, seeking for a moment of calm.
“What’s wrong?” he murmured, lowering his hands. Alex looked so wounded it frightened him.
“How are you alive?” Alex begged to know.
Blinking, Willie sat back, astounded at those words. While he agreed it was a miracle he was still alive, he couldn’t fathom why Alex would ask such a question. He chuckled merely out of discomfort.
“I’m here.” Willie glanced at Reggie, looking for an explanation. “Flesh and bone. Why? What happened?”
Alex looked at him incredulously, jaw hanging open. He looked so tightly wound and so scattered all at once. 
“Caleb told me you were dead.”
Willie blanched inwardly at the mention of Caleb, but even more so at the rest of that sentence he’d been utterly unprepared to hear.
“He...he - ” he stammered for a moment. “When would you have even talked to him?”
Sharing a look with Reggie, Alex took a deep breath. Then he looked back at Willie hesitantly.
“We see him all the time. We work for him now.”
It was Willie’s turn to drop his jaw.
“We’ve been signed to his record label for a few months now,” Reggie pitched in.
Directing his gaze to the ground, Willie puzzled for a minute.
“Why would I be dead?” he asked, looking back up at Alex.
For a minute Alex simply gazed at him wordlessly.
“I don’t know,” he said. There was a pause as both of them finally looked at each other, fully aware that this was real. And then Alex threw his arms around Willie to return the hug. Willie had to raise himself up on his toes to avoid falling over, and he tightened his grip to remain steady. He felt joy spread through his whole torso and breathed a sigh of relief as hands tangled into his hair. “But that doesn’t matter. I’m so happy to see you.”
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tinyanimelover · 4 years
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Ice Cream Talks
Requested Anonymously!
[Ichigo Kurosaki ; "Marry me"]
The first time he met her, she'd transferred to Karakura High School. She wasn't anything special to look, pretty average looking yet she somehow drew in those around her. Was it her mysteriousness? After all, who transfers mid-year? Y/n made quick friends with Orihime and Tatsuki, later becoming friendly with Uryu and Sado. But for some reason she kept her distance from Ichigo. Why? Was it his hair color? Did she judge him based off that? She didn't have very high reiatsu, so she didn't know why the others would suddenly leave class. She didn't know about the world of Hollows, Shinigami and Arrancar. Ichigo was glad for this, not wanting to rope in yet another person into such a dangerous world. But that all changed when she was attacked one night while walking home with Orihime. She couldn't see her attacker yet Orihime seemed deathly terrified, screaming for her to run away while she took care of it. Thankfully Ichigo came to their rescue, saving both of them and defeating the unknown assailant. She was thrown into the world of Shinigami and hollows, that night and yet, despite being a mere human, she decided she'd do what she could for her friends. When they would return injured, Orihime would heal them and Y/n would keep them fed and hydrated, helping them fully recover. She cheered for them, did her best to keep them updated on school assignments and overall, just did what she could for them. So when Ichigo and the others returned from their fight with Aizen, she could see something had changed between them all--well, mostly between Ichigo and the others. She learned Ichigo had sacrificed his powers while defeating Aizen, and now he was a normal human. And as one might've guessed, though he tried to put on a brave face, he was depressed about it all. His friends walked om eggshells around him, while his family acted the same, not having any idea about his second life. Y/n could tell he was having a rough time with understanding it all and trying to adjust to his new normal life. As a fellow human, she understood what he was going through, having felt the same things whenever the others would rush off into battle and she was stuck watching helplessly. It started off subtly, her wanting to cheer him up. She didn't want him to feel like she was pitying him, so she opted in doing small things for him. Whether it was leaving candy on his desk for him, walking to school with him after accidentally bumping into him on the way there, or even just stopping by his house after work to drop off some sweets for him and his family. She did all she could to try and get his mind off being normal now, but she couldn't tell if it was helping, Ichigo was still so sad. Along the way, she sort of fell for the orange haired male, making her feel even more hopeless. He was kinda different than his usual self, even though it'd been almost a year now that he'd lost his Shinigami powers. What else? What could she do? She felt helpless as she watched him attempt to starve off his sorrow with odd jobs here and there, and even joining different clubs as long as they paid for his services. She understood this was his way of accepting he'd never get his powers back, trying to move on, but was this really the way? It was as if he was just pushing it all behind him, not even trying to fully accept it. Frustrated and filled with sorrow over seeing the person she loved in such a state, she woke up one day with the resolve to at least ease him of his pain. She thought about confessing but wondered if that'd put pressure on the male. 'There he is! Okay, Y/n, you can do this!'. "I-Ichigo!" She called after him, glad that he was walking alone. He raised an eyebrow, turning around as she ran to catch up to him with a smile on her lips, a bag in hand "Y/n-chan?". "Sorry..this is random but..do you want to eat ice cream with me in the park?" She asked with a softer smile as she held the bag up "We..haven't talked in awhile since you've picked up that part-time job..". "Hm..sure" he gave in, hands in his pockets "Here, I'll hold the bag". He gently took the bag from her with a smile, "You're hair's gotten longer, huh?". "Y-yeah" she said with a grin, "I was thinking it was too long and it's a pain in summer..but I like it!". They ended up in the park in no time, sitting underneath a tree for shade and enjoyed the nice breeze it produced at they ate ice cream. He stole a glance at her, always curious as to why she was trying to hard to cheer him up. It's one of the reasons why he chose to move on rather than mull over his lost powers, he felt bad seeing her try so hard for him. He looked away, but he felt that simply moving on wasn't what she wanted from him. "Ichigo" she suddenly spoke up, his eyes trailed back over to rest on her, she didn't look over at him but kept her eyes glued to her half-eaten ice cream in her hands. "What's up?" He asked. "..I can't say I know exactly how you're feeling" she started off with a sad smile, "I didn't have any powers to begin with, so I won't try to sit here and tell you that I felt the same way...but, I can say that I think I know a little of how you felt". His eyes widened, "..Y/n-chan? Where's this coming fro--" he was cut off by her. "I didn't have any powers, I couldn't kick ass like you Ichigo. Or heal wounds in an instant like Orihime. I don't come from a special lineage like Uryu ad I don't have any secret powers like Sado....all I could do make sure your wounds were wrapped, make sure you were hydrated and fed..even with my pathetic skills, you and the others took me in" she smiled, eyes lifting to look at the orange and pink sky as the sun prepared to set "I'll always be grateful to you and the others..I'll always do my best to be of some use to you all. Ichigo..you probably think that you've lost the only way to protect those around you..but you're wrong. You're strong, and brave, you didn't lose those along with your powers, they're still there". She gave him a closed eyes grin, turning her head towards him "Don't lose hope, Ichigo! I think..things happen for a reason! When a door closes, another will open and who knows? Maybe it'll be an even better thing than the one you lost! A-anyways, I wanted to have this talk with you..I hope you don't think I overstepped any boundaries or anything..I'm just a concerned friend!". She got up from the bench, "Thanks for sharing ice cream with me! I'll see you tomorrow in school" she laughed softly, walking away. To say he was shocked at what she'd said, was an understatement. He hadn't expected her of all people to think about that stuff, he figured she was just worried about him.  He had no idea that she felt that way about herself, never even giving it a second thought as to how she felt when she was always left behind during battles. She felt..the same way he did when he first lost his powers, how he still felt. "..hah..I've been worrying Y/n-chan all this time" he let out softly, eyes glued to his ice cream. It was times like these that made him fall in love with her even more. It was her bravery and perseverance that made him first see her in such a light, she was a normal human who couldn't fight hollows or defend herself against them, but she didn't let that stop her from helping him and his friends. After that, he found himself falling for her even more but with his duties as a Substitute Shinigami, he couldn't bring himself to put her into anymore danger than she already was. He was more than grateful when she stuck by his side after his battle with Aizen. He sighed, thinking back to what Keigo asked him on the rooftop during lunch. Have you thought about what you're gonna do after high school? He still had time to think about that stuff, not like he had anything else to do. There was also the fact that he really had no idea what he wanted to do. Truthfully, he thought he'd be a substitute soul reaper for the rest of his life. But, there was something that popped instantly into his mind when he thought about his future. He wanted to still be around his friends, even if he couldn't fight with them. But more than anything, he closed his eyes with a smile on his lips as he got up from the bench ".....I won't let her slip from my hands..". He tossed the ice cream into the trash can as he took off running, eyes glued to the girl's figure as she walked. "Y/n-chan!" He yelled after her, "Wait, Y/n-chan!". The girl halted, turing around with wide eyes. He panted as he ran, catching up a moment later as he held his hand out towards her "Y/n-chan...ab--..about another for opening for me with something even better..it opened for me long ago..even before I lost my shinigami powers". "Ichigo?" She let out confused "What're you talking about?". "You aren't pathetic, you aren't weak" he let out as he caught his breath " To me, you've always been brave and strong, even with no fighting abilities". Her eyes widened, cheeks growing warm as he continued on. "I've always thought that about you, whenever I'd get into a battle that I thought I couldn't win: I'd think about my friends who were fighting..I thought about you cheering me on from home..Y/n-chan, I haven't given much thought to what I'll do after I graduate but there’s one thing I know for sure that I want to be present in my future...I don't have anything to offer you...but, as of right now, I can offer you a pair of arms to come home to! And I swear to make you happy, no matter what!". He had a blush on his cheeks, as did she, "Ichigo..you..are you saying?.." She trailed off, unable to eve think straight. "I like you a lot, Y/n-chan, I have ever since we came back from saving Rukia...and I don't want to lose you..ever..." He cleared his throat before getting on his knee. "Y/n-chan!" He blurted out "Marry me!". Her eyes bulged from their sockets, "W-what?!". "I..is that a no?" He deadpanned, half-embarrassed and half-worried "I'm..a idiot..". She laughed as he got up, "N-no! That's not it, it's just that...you skipped the whole dating part and went straight for marriage". He blinked a few times, "...I did! Oh, then, will you go out with me Y/n-chan?". She grinned, "Yes! To both questions!". And she walked away happily, "C'mon, let's get some more ice cream!". "Wait..to both..questions?" His eyes widened, running to catch up to her "You'll marry me then?!".
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Request: Let’s Go Home (Alec Volturi x Reader)
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You swallowed hard, lip quivering and your hand shaking as it held the phone to your ear. The forest rustling in the breeze in front of you in the dead of night. The receptionist was surprised but put you on hold until Alec picked up the phone.  "(Y/N)?" You tried to speak beyond the lump in your throat. "I-" Your voice cracked and you took a deep breath. "Sweet-face? Are you okay?" "I-im coming to see you." You said quietly. "I'm just about to board the plane." "Alright, is everything-" you heard your flight being called. "Alec, I'm sorry, I've got to go. I'm about to board. I'll be there soon." "Alright." He said quietly. "I'll see you soon." 
You were deep in thought for the whole plane ride, that was when you weren't sleeping. The receptionist recognised you but she wasn't expecting you. It was evident in her face. You dropped your bag and the emotions began to well up all over again. Your breathing was slightly ragged as you tried to contain yourself to ask the receptionist to send for Alec. However before you could Alec turned the corner. 
He immediately locked eyes with the receptionist before making a gesture, dismissing her. She immediately left as quick as she possibly could. You immediately moved forward quickly moving towards him before your tears could spill over. Alec stopped, getting a good look to see if you were hurt. To see you upset, immediately worried him. You immediately moved into his arms trying to muffle your cries against his shoulder. "What is it?" Alec tried to pull back, to look at you but you wouldn't let him, holding him tighter. "(Y/N), what's wrong?" You didn't answer and Alec finally hugged you back. "Please, tell me...!" Alec was beginning to grow panicked. 
You didn't seem to calm down and so Alec took you to the balcony in his room, a soft breeze of cool air brushing past. "Breathe." Alec held you to him, your back against his chest. "Just breathe, sweet-face." After some time you began to calm down. "The Cullen's they're...they're really angry with me." 
You told Alec how you tried to be understanding, how you tried to fix things with them but they weren't so forgiving themselves. In fact, they almost completely withdrew from you. After some time, it really got to you. Spending so much time feeling like you were walking on eggshells with them and feeling you were totally alone finally got to you that you confronted Bella. Edward in turn got involved and soon the situation escalated to the whole family. Except for Carlisle and Esme, who didn't seem present with you.  Alec kissed the shell of your ear. "None of this is your fault." You turned to face him. "I don't know what to do-" You said through your tears. "I know." Alec assured you. "Come on." Alec wiped your tears. "Breathe, smile, and charm. It's what you do best." He planted a kiss to the side of your head. "Don’t worry about the Cullen's." 
Alec was livid but didn't want to cause you anymore distress and so kept it from you. He knew what that feeling was likely and he couldn't take his love feeling it. He made it known the Volturi would be dealing with this through discussions but this wouldn't continue. However, you weren't allowed to know what was said. 
You shifted nervously, looking at the doors leading to the outside world. Alec tugged you to look at him, fixing you up and brushing away any specks he could see that you most certainly couldn’t.  “Do i have to go back?” You asked. “Just for a little while, they’re going to change you and as soon as your under control, you’ll be back with me.” Alec said softly. You cast your gaze to the ground, still uncertain. Alec lifted your chin. “I want to hear from you, alright? Everything will be okay.” Alec looked around before pressing a kiss to your lips.  “I love you, okay?” Alec whispered in your ear before planting another kiss on your lips. “I’ll see you very soon.” You nodded. Alec pulled you into hug, sparing only a second to kiss your cheek. 
Carlisle had agreed to change you and look after you. Although you didn’t want to face how awkward things would be after your argument with them. Could you really feel safe if they didn’t even understand you? 
After some time being back in the Cullen home, Carlisle and Esme asked to speak with you privately. Carlisle sat opposite you with Esme sitting with him, the two linked by the hands. It was a very casual pose but reminded you that Alec wasn’t here to comfort you.  “We hate that you left on such bad terms with us, it wasn’t our intention to make you feel judged or that we don’t care about you but we completely understand that may be how we came across. For that Esme and I deeply apologise on behalf of our family.” Carlisle began.  “Rose, Edward, Alice and Jasper care about you and it is very regrettable that they spoke to you with such harsh words and even so that we didn’t intervene. It was wrong of us.” Esme shifted slightly, leaning forward towards you. “You depended on us and we misjudged the situation. We are deeply sorry.” Carlisle also leaned forward. “We can’t say we approve as we are concerned for you, but we are willing to support you regardless and we don’t want to make you think we aren’t here from you. This is different and we’re willing to try and adjust.” You nodded. “I’m sorry too, i shouldn’t have reacted the way I did and i shouldn’t have disrespected you. You do so much for me already.”  “Now, I was given a request by the Volturi to have you changed. Are you aware of this?” Carlisle asked. You nodded. “I was told before i left the castle.  “And you’re comfortable with me doing this?” You nodded again. “Yeah. I trust you.” 
You had totally underestimated this, after you were changed everything was so loud, you were starving, your throat was excruciatingly dry and it burned immensely. You tugged at your hair. Animal blood wasn’t enough, you were so hungry. You were losing your mind and the Cullen’s weren’t helping. You don’t know what came over you but you threw yourself out of Edward’s window, ravenous. All sense of self was totally gone and you couldn’t stop running. 
Jane walked briskly to the throne room, returning from reception. “Alec.” She spoke. “That was the Cullen’s (Y/N) ran away.”  “It’s been a month since they were changed!” Alec scowled.  “Apparently the mind-reader heard they were starving. They were gone before anyone could catch them, they’re too fast.”  “I’ll gather a group. Felix, you alert the masters. You two better get ready if we’re going to catch them.” Demetri said before hurried away. Alec jumped into action, he was worried but that only fueled him to find you. Demetri gathered twelve, including the four of them and just like that he was tracking you and the hunt was on.
You could hear them and see the blur of black in the distance. You growled and in a matter of seconds, they were surrounding you. Black cloaks worn by vampires poised and ready to lunge if you tried anything. Suddenly their leaders appeared, Felix and Demetri along with another familiar face. One you had missed dearly. "Don't hurt them!" Alec ordered immediately with a snarl as the guards surrounded you. You let out a growl. "Yes, I know sweet-face. Everything is okay." Alec said slowly. "Give up on me. I'm not who I used to be. I'm a monster. The things that I've done- I'm so hungry-" "I won't change my mind about you." Alec said immediately. "I love you. I'm sorry but I do." "Don't make promises you can't keep." You said sharply. "Why are you being like this?" Alec asked. "Tell me." You faltered slightly. "I'm scared." "Of me? Of us? I want to keep you safe." Alec began. "No." You shook your head. I mean yeah, but I'm scared of myself. I-I can't control myself." You looked around you. "I know and I can help you. If you come with me, you won't have to worry. It'll be like nothing happened, we’ll get rid of that thirst of yours and go from there. Alright?" "Come with you? Where?" You repeated. "Trust me." Alec said, his hands outstretched. You were surprised at how concerned he looked. "Why?" You began but Alec interrupted you. "Well someone has to take care of you." Alec cracked a small smile. "Clearly the Cullen's are useless. So come to me." You wore a look of uncertainty, your eyes glancing to the guards surrounding you. "Eyes on me, sweet-face. They won't hurt you. I’m here now. Come." Alec paused, noting your expression. "Let me protect you." He pressed. "I won't let anything happen to you." He reached out to you. "Come to me, sweet-face." After a moment you slowly stepped forward, eyeing the other guards who were still. You took another step and a couple more hesitant steps. You were in Alec's reach and he pulled you gently into his arms. "That's it." He whispered in your ear. "Don't be afraid. I'm going to take care of you, alright?" You let him guide you away.
”You’re hungry, sweet-face.” Alec rubbed your back soothingly. “Let me help, okay? Don’t torment yourself.”  “I’m so hungry but- i can’t- what if i can’t stop and kill so many people?”  “Don’t think about that. I’ll be right here with you. One is enough. I promise.” He pulled you with him to a secluded alley where a body was waiting for you. “He won’t feel it, he’s already dead.”  “He’s still warm...was he- did-?”  “Demetri disposed of him, he’ll be back when you’re done.” Alec explained. 
You were rigid as the two of you knelt in front of the dead man. Alec’s hand stayed on your back. “He’s all yours. I won’t intervene.”  “I-I can’t.”  “I’m right here, it’s okay. Let go. Trust me.”  Alec said. You couldn’t fight your instincts any longer as you hovered over his neck and bit down.  “That’s it, sweet-face.” Alec said soothingly. 
After a few minutes you were done. You put your hand to your throat. The burning was still there but less intense, relief washed over you. Alec pulled you into his side. “That’s better isn’t it? You look less uncomfortable.” You stared at the body.  “Come and walk with me.” Alec stood you up and wrapped an arm around you to walk side by side with him. After a minute you spoke up.“I don’t know how to feel about that. That man...I don’t know how i feel.”  “Do you feel better now that you’ve fed?” Alec asked, turning his gaze to you. You nodded. “Then focus on that. This is how to survive, there is many painful ways to die-you feeding isn’t one of them.”  “What do i do now?” You whispered.  “Come with me.” Alec watched your reaction.  “Where?”  “To Italy. Stay with me.” You frowned in confusion.” Newborns can't-”  “I know but i can’t depend on anyone to look after you.” Alec pulled you closer to him. “Come home to me.”  “Will it get you in trouble?”  “No, not given the situation. You could be a liability otherwise in their eyes.” Slowly you nodded. “Only if you won’t get in trouble.”
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greywritesfics · 4 years
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Chapter Ten: Prove Yourself
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A nagging feeling clawed at the back of Minori's mind as she furrowed her eyebrows, her feet pounding the ground beneath her. The moment she was taken in by the government after her mother's horrendous actions, she has been treated more as a red flag than a human being. She's always under heavy supervision, and most people see her as an unstable person who has a high possibility of being a villain.
Minori knows that she'll never be able to escape the world's scrutinizing gazes, but that doesn't mean she can't lessen what they can judge her for. She can prove everyone wrong and diminish the saying like mother, like daughter.
She bolted down Musutafu Japan's hospital's garden path like an Olympic champion at the start gun. Pushing the double doors with a new resolve, she quickens her pace to the receptionist's desk asking for Aizawa's room.
"Shota Aizawa?" she asks, gum clicking between her teeth. "He's not here." The nurse finishes indifferently without ever looking up from her screen. Minori sucked her teeth in frustration. Her fingers twitched, itching to throw the damned computer screen. She ran all the way here from her apartment for her teacher to not be here, just her luck.
Minori pushed her way through the doors again, her pace now at an all-out sprint as the slapping noise of her shoes resonated around the hospital's sterile walls with a clanging echo.
If Aizawa isn't here, then there's only one other place he'd be: U.A. High School-- he practically lives there anyway.
Minori finally made it to U.A. and made her way into the teacher's lounge and hurriedly walked over to where Aizawa was situated.
As she stood in front of the lounge's door, her chest heaving, and her eyes roamed her homeroom teacher and all his glory. She let out a breath of relief to see that Aizawa was discharged from the hospital only two days after the incident, and seemingly okay to return to class. Except he had his whole body wrapped up in layers of bandages. She winced, remembering the almost lifeless body of his at U.S.J.
Minori's face fell into a grimace, regret crawling all around her mind. She felt like the most selfish person in the world at the moment. After a life-threatening moment, she rushed to her teacher to speak to him about herself. She should have waited.
Part of the agreement with Nezu was if Minori ever needed anything, she would go to her homeroom teacher, Aizawa, including personal matters such as groceries. But as she stood there, she became hesitant. Would he even help her?
She heard Aizawa let out a sigh as he settled back into the sofa, a hand holding his coffee. Nearby, the hero she recognized as Present Mic perked his ears in interest.
"Spit it out, Ki," Aizawa says, his charcoal eyes peeking through the bandages. But Minori doesn't make a move to speak, her mind reeling with negative possibilities. "Come out with it already. It seems to be pretty important if you ran all the way here," he rushed, waving his bandaged arm languishly at her.
"I'm sorry," she said, eyes downcast. She wasn't sure what she was apologizing for. Was she apologizing to him for being selfish, or herself for coming all the way here and backing out last minute? Her inner turmoil was apparent to anyone in the room, and although she tried to wear a mask of indifference, it was failing miserably.
Aizawa slowly dragged himself from the sofa towards the door where Minori stood. "Last chance, if you don't speak now, you won't get a chance to again," he stated bluntly, already reaching for the doorknob, opening it slightly.
Instinctively, Minori slams the door, "Sensei!" His black eyes acknowledged her with his usual disinterested look, and her lips pull into a frown, her grey orbs flickering from him to the ground. "Aizawa sensei, please give me a chance," she mumbles, her head falling into a bow and fists locked by her sides.
She knows that she's asking for too much, especially after everything that Nezu's done. Nezu has been the first and only one to allow her to be human rather than a criminal, but she can't just stop with him. She needs to fight for more acceptance. She needs to prove her worth. If she doesn't at least try and fail then, she'll never know what could've been.
"Please give me a chance to prove myself! I know of my name-- I know it invokes fear. I can see-- I can feel the stares of everyone around me, walking on eggshells as if I'll suddenly attack them. But I want to-- I need to prove them wrong! I'm not here to wreak havoc. I--I want to write my own history." Minori doesn't open her eyes as she trembles, she feels so frustratingly vulnerable that her eyes squeeze tighter as she pushes herself to finish. "So, sensei, please help me."
There was a brief silence before Aizawa let out a sigh. "And how do you expect me to help you with that?"
Without thinking any further, Minori allows her body to act on its own accord. Falling on her knees, her head lowers in a bow as she raises her arm, showing the unnatural mark. "Please... take this off of me. I don't want my first impression on others to be one of weary. If I didn't wear this, then maybe they wouldn't be scared of me from one look in my direction. Maybe... maybe if I didn't wear this, they wouldn't dread the possibility that I might go rogue any second."
Aizawa only hums in acknowledgment as he opens the door and steps out of the lounge, demanding Minori to follow him. With a shaky breath, she exhales and wobbles to stand on her two feet. She hesitantly opens her eyes, finding that Aizawa had already left the room and was walking in the halls.
Minori follows him, her large grey eyes never leaving his bandaged back, and Aizawa doesn't say a word as they walk. Minori's fingers tremble with nerves, "sensei," she protested at the silence, furrowing her eyebrows, unable to comprehend what just happened.
"Take a seat, Ki," Aizawa retorted, his eyes peeking out from layers of his bandages. They've returned back to class almost immediately, and Aizawa acts as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile, Minori can't help but feel her chest tighten in apprehension.
Minori's typically desolate display was replaced with a look similar to a puppy getting kicked. Her shoulders deflate, and her eyes are drawn to the floor as she walks to her desk. She slightly looks up when she hears a tsk. Tilting her head back to look at the source, she found a pair of narrow, crimson orbs staring straight into her own. His scowl deepened as he saw her glazed grey orbs, and Minori stiffened almost immediately, instinctively glancing away. Only to make eye contact with warm and worried amber eyes that belonged to a certain pink female.
Minori reprimanded herself for allowing such a vulnerable side of her to be picked up on by others. She was fully aware that Bakugo was glaring a hole in her back as she walked to her seat. Blinking rapidly, she urged herself to revert back to her unreadable expression.
After Aizawa dismisses the class's questions on his well-being, he begins homeroom.
"The U.A. sports festival is drawing near." Although it hadn't been long since the villain incident at U.S.J, the U.A. school board decided to go through with one of its most prominent annual events, the U.A. sports festival. A festival that is rumored to have even exceeded the Olympics in prestige. After an attack as horrible as that of the famed U.A., one would think that claiming to have the tightest security would postpone such an event. The class was still getting over the shock of being attacked, but none dreaded the occasion. Instead, they celebrated and welcomed it. After all, what better way to showcase their determination and talents than this.
"Our sports festival is a huge chance," Aizawa said, looking over in Minori's direction through his bandages, "If you expect to go pro, then the path to your future will open up at this event. One chance a year-- a total of just three chances. No aspiring heroes can afford to miss this event. If you understand that, then don't slack off on your preparations!"
Aizawa's jet-black pupils connect with Minori's silver-grey ones, igniting a fire into hers as his words pierce into her heart.
"This is your chance to showcase your Quirks and prove yourself."
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Taglist: @sslimkim​ @x-bakudeku-x​ @angeldraw​ @alex-hale666​ @iambashfulperson​ @somanyfandomsidek​ @honeybacon​ @seokookchan​ @namutheestallion​ @sir-knight-slytherdor​ @avengershavethetardis​ @fckngbored​ @ineedmyownname​ @myaaa-xoxoxox​ @httpglzssy @coconutxraikage​ @mega-bastard​ @succulent-momma​ @can-i-just-like-it​ @soa1eater​ 
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hideaway ~ jesse pinkman; el camino
word count: 2822
request?: no
description: when his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, jesse find shelter with a woman who doesn’t judge him for his past
pairing: jesse pinkman x female!reader
warnings: swearing, mention of abuse, smut
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(I can’t find any El Camino gifs yet and it makes me sad so here’s one from Breaking Bad since it technically is also kinda from El Camino)
Jesse thought he was home free as he drove as far away from Albuquerque, and from the horrors he had to endure. However, he was sadly mistaken when Badger’s Fiero started to sputter and slow down. He noticed the gas gauge hovering over empty.
“No, no, no, no,” he said. When the car finally came to a stop, he hit the steering wheel in frustration. “Shit!”
He got out of the car and looked around. There wasn’t even another house for what seemed like miles. He didn’t know what he was going to do. He wasn’t about to try and hitchhike anywhere, not with his face and name plastered everywhere as “Wanted”.
He decided to hope that Badger may have a gas can in his trunk just in case of moments like this. As he popped the trunk and went looking (to no avail), he heard a car pulling up behind him. His heart began to race and he really hoped the person would just drive along and not stop to ask for help.
He cringed when he heard the engine cut and a car door open then close.
“Hey! You alright?”
Jesse reluctantly closed the trunk and turned around to see that the friendly passerby was a woman. She was approaching him, and he really didn’t want her to get any closer.
“I ran out of gas,” he responded, trying not to meet her eye. “Didn’t realize my tank was so low.”
“Well, you’re pretty shit out of luck. There’s not another gas station for god knows how long. You’re essentially in no man’s land,” the girl responded. “You got a gas can or anything?”
Jesse shook his head. “Nope.”
She whistled. “Yeah, you’re really shit out of luck. Where are you headed?”
“Haven’t decided yet. Just trying to get out of town, get away from my past.”
The girl nodded. “Well listen, I know we just met and all, but I live maybe 20 minutes away. If you want, you can stay to my place the night and we can see what to do about your gas in the morning. You can leave your car here, nothing will happen to it. You’d be shocked how many people have been in your same predicament before.”
Jesse really wanted to turn down the offer. For all he knew, this girl was setting him up to be caught. But then again, he believed her when she said there wasn’t another gas station anywhere close, and he couldn’t just stay in the car hoping someone would pass by with a gas can. It’d be a bigger risk than going with this girl.
Finally, he nodded. The girl smiled slightly and nodded towards her car. Jesse followed her, getting into the passenger seat. He sank down just enough that he wouldn’t seem all that recognizable if a cop should pass by them while they drove to the girl’s place.
“You’re pretty trusting,” Jesse commented. “Asking a guy you just met if he wants to stay the night. I could be a crazy serial killer or something.”
The girl chuckled. “I guess that’s right. So, in case you are a serial killer, I should let you know that I have a knife hidden in a strategic place just in case.”
Jesse raised an eyebrow. Smart girl. Although, he couldn’t help but wonder where this “strategic place” was.
She pulled into the driveway of a very small house. She didn’t have any nearby neighbours, which was definitely a good thing for Jesse. He was still very weary of this girl. He couldn’t tell what her game was. She had to know who he was, everyone did. His name was being broadcasted far and wide, police were looking for him everywhere. He was having trouble believing she didn’t know who he was.
She got out of her car and went to unlock her door. He followed her, making sure to keep his head down just in case anyone happened to be passing by.
Her house was very small, definitely perfect for someone who seemed to be living there alone. She threw her keys on a nearby table and shrugged off her jacket, discarding it on the couch as well.
“My couch is a pullout, you can sleep there if you want,” she said. “I’ll just have to grab some blankets and a pillow for you. Feel free to eat whatever is in the kitchen.”
She disappeared down the hall for a moment before returning with some blankets and a pillow. She started pulling the couch out into a bed for Jesse while he watched her. When she had the bed set up, she looked back up at him.
“What?” she asked.
“Do you know who I am?” he finally decided to ask her.
She raised a confused eyebrow at him. “You’re the poor fool that broke down on the side of the road. Should I know you?”
Jesse could tell she was being serious. Somehow, she actually didn’t know who he was.
“No, no sorry forget I said that,” he said. “Thanks for letting me stay here the night.”
“It’s no trouble,” she shrugged. “If you need me, my room is down the hall to the left.” She turned to start walking away, but paused to call over her shoulder, “The name’s (Y/N) by the way.”
~~~~~~~
The minute Jesse’s head hit the pillow he was out like a light. He slept so solid for the first time since he showed up on Skinny Pete’s doorstep, he didn’t even hear (Y/N) get up and start cooking breakfast the next morning. He finally woke up on his own to hear a TV on in the distance. He didn’t pay much attention to it until he heard his own name.
“Authorities are still looking for Jesse Pinkman, who may now be driving a Ford Thunderbird that was once owned a friend of Pinkman’s. According to our insider, Pinkman made a stop to this friend’s house once he escaped and left soon after before the police managed to track down his original get away car, an El Camino.”
Jesse got up and followed the sound of the TV to the kitchen, where he found (Y/N) leaning against a counter watching a small TV she had tucked away in a corner. The first thing he noticed was that she was dressed only in a silk looking robe. However, he was more distracted by the news report she was watching than what she was wearing.
(Y/N) looked over her shoulder, as if sensing his presence. Jesse wasn’t sure what his next course of action should be. He definitely wouldn't get far on foot, but if he left with (Y/N)’s car he’d be caught just as fast. It felt like he had no real options, just to hope he could convince her not to call the cops.
Neither one of them spoke for a while, but when (Y/N) did break the silence, Jesse was shocked by the first thing she said. “Did they really keep you in a cage?”
Jesse winced at the memory. “Yeah...yeah they did. They’d take me out but only if I was chained up, or if I was aware that if I ran they’d kill me.”
“For...for how long?” she asked him.
“Too long,” he responded. “So...is this the point where you turn me in?”
(Y/N) switched off the TV. Jesse glanced at the phone, which right next to (Y/N). He was waiting for her to make the call. He knew there was not much else he could do if she decided to.
“No,” she responded, surprising him. “You’re safe to stay with me as long as you need. My family lives a few hours away and they don’t visit without letting me know first, I’m not exactly friendly with my neighbours so they don’t just pop over for a visit. I can run to the gas station and see about your gas.”
“Why?” Jesse asked. “You could get in a lot of trouble for helping me.”
(Y/N) shook her head. “I’m not turning you in when you’re the victim in this situation. The cops won’t listen to a thing you say, they'll never believe you. They’ll place the blame on you with whatever substantial evidence they can come up with and throw you behind bars just because they can. I refuse to let that happen.”
She looked away from him and crossed her arms. Jesse was shocked by her outburst, and knew it came from somewhere personal. He approached her slowly, lightly touching her arm. She reluctantly looked up at him again.
“Did something happen to you?” he asked. He wasn’t quite sure why he cared so much, but he suddenly felt protective over this girl. She was kind enough to open her home to him, to keep a fugitive in her home when she knew how much trouble she could get into if they were caught. She had known him for one night and already made him feel safer than anyone he had known for longer, his own parents included.
A single tear slipped down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. “I had this ex...he used to go out and get drunk with his buddies and when he came home he’d be violent. Usually if I was asleep he’d just go right to bed, but if I was awake for any reason he’d find a reason to hit me - would say that I looked at another guy in a flirty way and he didn’t like it, that I treated him like garbage, that I talked back to him. Any reason, he’d use it. He’d wake up in the mornings and look at my bruises and tell me that he hoped it taught me a lesson. It got to a point where I was walking on eggshells around him, I felt like I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t go anywhere, like I had to bend to his every whim in order to make it all stop.”
She looked down at the floor, the pain from the memory written across her face. “One night, I was in the kitchen making lunch for the both of us for the next day. He got home a lot earlier than I expected. He yelled at me because he didn’t like what I was making and tried to swing at me. I had a knife in my hand and finally decided to fight back. I stabbed him, yelled at him to get the fuck out and never return, that I’d have his stuff on the front doorstep in the next morning. For a minute, I thought it worked...until his lawyer showed up on my doorstep with an assault and attempted murder charge. Claimed that I randomly went insane and tried to kill him after he went out to a ‘friendly dinner with some work pals’.”
Jesse was so invested in his story, he started feeling very angry at this unknown ex-boyfriend. He wasn’t a violent person, despite the shit he had gone through recently, but he knew that if he ever happened to find out who this guy was he might not be able to stop himself from giving him an impromptu visit.
“He took me to court, cried crocodile tears, showed off the scar I gave him, claimed that I supposedly ruined his life because of it even though it happened like a week prior. I kept my composure, explained everything he did to me to the court, said that I only stabbed him in self defence. I even had some bruises from a previous time that I showed everyone. His lawyer claimed I gave them to myself to win over the jury’s sympathy. The jury, which was 80% men, were on his side and it looked as though I was going to jail, until our neighbour...our male neighbour, took the stand to admit he had heard the abuse many nights. Said that he called the police but nothing was ever done. I don’t know if they ever showed up at our door and my ex chased them away, or if they just didn’t care. After that, I was ruled innocent and he was charged with domestic abuse. Was served a measly year long sentence and got probation not even 6 months in. I filed a restraining order when I heard he was getting out and got the hell out of Dodge so I’d never have to see him again.”
Her story lingered in the air. It was silent besides the TV, now playing a story that wasn’t about Jesse. (Y/N) refused to look at Jesse as she bit back her tears. She shook her head, although wasn’t sure what she was shaking it about; in anger? To erase those memories that she was still struggling with?
“The system is so corrupt,” she finished. “If you’re not a rich man, they’ll rule against you. I’d never send you out to be a part of that, to be wrongfully convicted of something you never did. I wouldn’t let you go through the bullshit I did.”
Jesse gently touched her chin with his hand, causing her to look up at him. Her beautiful eyes were full of tears as she looked up at him. He wiped them away and cradled her face in his hands.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” he said. “I’m glad you got out of that situation, and I’m grateful that you’re letting me stay here even if it would get you in lots of trouble.”
She smiled. “It’s the least I can do. Besides, if I get to wake up to see stuff like this every day, I’m not too mad about it.”
She eyed Jesse’s naked torso. Although he wasn’t in the best of shape, and he had scars on his body from the torture he endured, he looked incredibly hot. (Y/N) was having a bit of trouble keeping her eyes off him.
Jesse chuckled slightly. (Y/N) looked up at him again and, feeling bold, leaned up to press her lips to his. Jesse was taken back at first, his knee jerk reaction being to push her away. (Y/N)’s face turned a bright color of red as she looked away from him.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. That was super inappropriate.”
Jesse took her face in his hands again and pulled her back to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply and passionately. He held her tightly to him, never wanting to let go. He grabbed her ass, picking her up and placing her on the counter, never once breaking their kiss. She wrapped her legs around his waist, now trapping him against her completely.
Jesse moved his hands over her thighs, sending chills through her body. When he got close enough, he came to realize that she really was wearing nothing but the robe.
Her hands traced the hem of his jeans, as if debating on whether or not she should try to take the jeans off. Jesse beat her to it by unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them, along with his underwear, down just enough to free what it was (Y/N) was looking for.
She gasped against his lips as he pushed into her. It had been so long since she had been intimate with anyone, it took her a moment to get used to him inside of her.
“Am I hurting you,” he asked, looking at her with his beautiful blue eyes full of concern.
She giggled. “No, I’m fine Jesse. Continue at your own pace...please.”
He smirked slightly at her begging and began to thrust into her. Her hands curled against his back, just narrowly avoiding his scars. He hissed in pain at first as her nails dug into his back, the sting far too familiar, but soon enough the pain turned into pleasure.
Both of their moans filled the house. (Y/N) put her head against Jesse’s shoulder, her eyes almost rolling in the back of her head with pleasure as she clung to him. It didn’t take her long until she was hitting her climax. Jesse kissed her deeply again as he felt himself nearing his own.
They were both tangled together for a long time after it was all over. (Y/N)’s robe had come undone and fallen open, leaving her completely exposed. Both of them had a slight sheen of sweat over them. They both pulled away from one another, fixing themselves up.
(Y/N) sighed. “I’ll have to sanitize this entire counter before I can make breakfast.”
Jesse chuckled. “Sorry, my bad.”
“I mean, I wasn’t completely complaining,” she responded, winking flirtatiously back at Jesse.
He smiled, suddenly feeling very happy about his current living arrangements.
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sloanerisette · 3 years
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Jyoumi Challenge Day #11: Aspirations & Meeting the In-Laws
Ok, I couldn’t resist doing both prompts in one because it feels too adorable. I don’t know a ton about Tri as I haven’t had the chcance to watch it yet, so this is a fair bit of me headcanoning and the like, but this definitely takes place in the Tri era. Getting this one out late, but I hope y’all like it!
---
In the five years that Joe and Mimi had been dating, somehow she hadn’t met his parents yet.
Jim she had met all the way back when they fought VenomMyotismon, back at the Big Sight, but between his parents’ busy work schedules and Mimi eventually moving to America, it had just never panned out, even with her occasional visits back to Japan.
Now that she was going to be back for a while, she had suggested right away that they all have dinner so she could meet them and they could meet her (their future daughter-in-law, as she had put it, which had just about left Joe unconscious). It had taken a while to arrange, but once it had finally been all planned out, just seeing how excited Mimi was left Joe smiling and in good spirits all week— enough so that the group had thought it more than a little curious as to why he was in such a good mood.
Given it was Joe Kido and all.
She had even offered to cook to leave the best first impression on the Kido family possible, though Joe insisted she didn’t have to worry about that, and that instead it could be something simple.
Mimi, of course, still insisted on bringing over dessert, which at the very least, even if everything possible went wrong, whatever she made would still be incredible.
The entire week leading up to that fateful night had been light and easy, and now that Mimi was back in Odaiba, Joe felt like he was on cloud nine the whole while.
Mimi, as always, was her usual exuberant self, full of energy and without stopping for a moment, though deep down, she was still nervous for this dinner. She hadn’t been lying when she told him that she wanted to make the best first impression possible. She wanted them to love and adore her— why wouldn’t she? Her parents already loved Joe, even though every time he had seen them he spent the entire time walking on eggshells.
His parents were doctors, Joe was going to become a doctor one day, and Mimi already felt like she had to do plenty to knock this dinner out of the park. Each night she had been doing plenty to try and hype herself up, going over imaginary conversations in hopes of preparing herself as best as possible. She may not have been the most attentive student, but when it came down to it, Mimi knew she could do anything.
How tough could meeting parents be compared to fighting Myotismon?
Even though she tried to remind herself of all of that while she worked hard at making dessert for the night, deep down she still felt nervous, swallowing hard as her eyes fell to the oven.
No matter what happened, that wouldn’t change her love for Joe. Even if tonight went all wrong, she would do all she could to try and win over his parents. And if they didn’t like her still, well, that would be their problem.
Her mouth scrunched up as the oven dinged, hoping it wouldn’t actually get to that point.
Knock knock knock
“I’ll get it!” came the frantic voice of Joe Kido, finishing buttoning up his shirt and tucking it into his pants as he scrambled for the door.
He swung the door open quick, a smile instantly coming onto his face as he saw the brunette there.
“H-Hey.”
“You look handsome, sweetie,” she whispered to him, standing on her tip toes in order to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, causing Joe to blush softly as he brought his hand up to his cheek.
“Thanks… You look beautiful as always,” he told her, Mimi giggling in response.
She had opted to stay in her uniform, paired with stockings and a short tie. Just a little extra touch to try and pull off a more mature look.
“Thank you.”
“Are you ready?”
Mimi let the question hang in the air for a moment, before sucking in a deep breath, nodding quickly, “Yeah.” The word was simple, though even Joe could hear the quiet nerves that seeped through it. Mimi held up a plastic container, now putting on a bright smile, “I can’t wait for you all to try this.”
“I can’t wait,” he said, before holding out his hand tot her. Mimi wasted no time in taking it, walking in alongside him.
“Mom, dad? Mimi is here!” he called to them as they walked into the apartment, his parents now standing up in the living area, looking her over with curious eyes. Mimi simply kept up her smile.
“It’s so lovely to meet you, Doctor Kido and Doctor Kido,” she said, before offering them a bow. When she stood up, they were still inspecting her, and it took all of Mimi’s willpower not to squirm under their gaze.
“It’s nice to meet you, Mimi,” his father finally spoke up.
“We’ve heard so much about you over the years,” Joe’s mother added, which left Mimi’s smile a bit wider.
So far, so good.
The four were quick to start dinner, the Kido family having gotten sushi for the occasion. Dinner had started quiet, and Mimi was thankful that she was sitting next to Joe, keeping hold of his hand under the table for comfort. It felt so strange, foreign even, for her to be this nervous around people. In a situation like this, her and Joe both would’ve sooner expected the opposite of this, but having Joe’s support now was all she could’ve asked for. It gave her the strength to put on a brave face and keep going during this dinner.
“So, Mimi,” Joe’s father started, pausing to dab at his mouth with his napkin, “Tell us about yourself.”
She only hoped that now that she could be in her natural element it would help her out that much more.
“Well, I used to live in Odaiba before me and my parents moved to New York— though I met Joe back in Highton View Terrace. We used to be neighbors,” she said, before glancing up at her boyfriend, Joe giving her hand a gentle squeeze, “I ended up moving to New York a few years back, and I’ve just started high school. I absolutely love fashion and cooking, and I’ve been doing a lot of clubs and stuff around school!” she explained, shoving a piece of sushi in her mouth right after so she wouldn’t continue to ramble too much.
Neither of his parents said anything, instead quietly nodding and continuing to eat for a few moments, Mimi leaning towards Joe.
“…Is everything ok?” she whispered quietly, Joe glancing to her and nodding quickly.
Despite his confirmation, it certainly didn’t leave Mimi feeling any better.
“What are you hoping to do one day, Mimi?” his mother asked, and Mimi’s eyes went wide, feeling her stomach drop.
This was where she was going to be judged, she knew it. It was completely, utterly obvious, and she suddenly felt weak. She swallowed hard, now holding onto Joe’s hand as tight as possible, hoping to feel some sort of comfort in this situation. Joe let out a quick squeak at the sudden motion, nearly choking on his food, but he offered his girlfriend a smile, which had managed to help a bit.
“Well,” she started, thinking for a moment as she turned her attention to his parents, “I’d like to do a lot of things.”
His mother quirked an eyebrow, but Mimi held strong. She could’ve very well lied and talked about being a doctor too, or some sort of scientist, but that wouldn’t have been her. And if she was going to be with Joe forever, they’d know who she was eventually. This was her first time meeting Joe’s parents, and she wanted to let them know exactly who she was.
“I’d like to write a few cookbooks and maybe even star in a cooking show. Something where I combine lots of different cuisines with each other to create fantastic food people have never even thought of before. Definitely Japanese and American for sure,” she started, tapping her chin in thought for a moment, “And I’d love to get into fashion, too. Maybe create some line of cute accessories? I’m not entirely sure, yet. I considered being a singer or a model for a little bit, but it just didn’t really click with me the more I thought about it. I love singing, and modeling seems incredible, but I just can’t see it.”
Once again, Joe’s parents gave her another once over, before turning to look at each other, then back to the young couple across the table.
“That’s interesting, you really have thought about this, haven’t you?” his mother asked, and Mimi nodded, placing a hand over her mouth as she finished eating a piece of sushi.
“Oh, yes. Once I got into cooking a few years ago, I thought about how much I’d love to do it all the time, it’s just so wonderful. I haven’t thought too much on the specifics of any fashion business, but I’d still like to do that someday, too.”
“What do your parents think about that?”
Mimi hadn’t even been grilled this much about anything by her own parents, let alone everyone else, but now, she wasn’t afraid, and was just going to be honest about it. That was what mattered most.
“Well, a few times my mama has teased me about how cooking will be perfect for whenever I may get married,” she started, managing to catch her boyfriend’s blush from the corner of her eye, “And my papa has thought I’d be a fierce entrepreneur. They definitely think that something like a cooking show isn’t entirely easy to get, so I’m sure they’d like me to do something more stable, but at the same time, they raised me to be pretty independent and to get what I want. So I think they’d understand and support me no matter what,” she explained.
Silence filled the room again, and Mimi felt her throat closing out of sheer terror. Sure, it had been easy to hype herself up in the moment, but god if waiting for his parents to say anything wasn’t torturous.
She could feel Joe get closer, before she heard her three favorite words whispered into her ear.
“I love you.”
She glanced up to her boyfriend, seeing his smile, and mouthed the words back, attention shooting back to Joe’s father when he cleared his throat.
“I have to say, Mimi, that’s very ambitious of you. It took Jim longer to settle on one career, and here you are with two,” he said, a rare compliment (which thankfully Jim wasn’t around to hear) that even left Joe’s eyes wide.
“Thank you so much, Doctor Kido. I don’t give up easy, you can just ask this one,” she said teasingly, bumping her arm into Joe’s, causing him to stammer, and his parents to look at the two curiously.
“I-It’s true,” Joe finally said after a moment, letting out a nervous chuckle.
Even after that comment, the rest of the dinner had gone well, and Mimi had preened when everyone seemed to enjoy the red bean cheesecake she had whipped up for them all. By the time she had to leave, Mimi felt that this had been as much of a success as it could’ve been with the Kido family. As she stood at the doorway with Joe, she was still all smiles.
“Are you sure you don’t want to take some of the cheesecake home?”
She shook her head, “No no no, you all deserve to have some nice little treats!” she insisted.
“Thanks.”
The two stayed quiet for a moment, enjoying each other’s presence as they had been ever since Mimi came back to Odaiba.
“I think I did a good job with the in-laws, don’t you?” she asked, knowing full well he’d blush just as bright as he did.
“Oh, well, yeah, I think so. They like you more than they liked Jim’s last girlfriend.”
“I think mom liked me a lot. How does that sound? Mom? You know, because she’s gonna be my mother-in-law. And obviously I can’t call her mama, so I think it works well!”
Joe laughed, “Maybe wait a bit before you call her that? He suggested nervously, and Mimi let out an exaggerated sigh.
“Fiiiiine.”
“I love you, Meems.”
“I love you, too, Joe. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
He nodded, “I like that we’re able to say that again.”
“Me too.”
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thelittlehansy · 4 years
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How many things Hans share with domestic abusers ?
I just cant count the number time i read that hans remind them of their toxic abusive ex. Hans has already be link to "domestic abuser " in fanfic.  in some modern AU fanfic  i read Hans beats anna because you know...he is the villain. I also saw that there was some fanfic where Hans rapes anna and elsa 🤢 because you know....he didnt even kiss anna but he would totally do it because yeah....he is the villain.
And just people imagine the worst about what if hans succeed into marrying anna.  So lets back to one of my favorite things.
List 🤓🤓
This times how many signs hans share with abuser in the movie ? i took an article on the web about the subject.
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1-CHARMING.
“Initially, he showers his woman with praise, adoration, and attention. His courtship is sweet and intense filled with phrases such as, “I can’t live without you.” He quickly pushes for an exclusive relationship or engagement.”
Yes he is charming ! There was love at first sight this is  very much possible hans said things describe above maybe he even means some of them because again...that scene when he is alone smile smitten  by anna under the boat. The only difference is that there was specific reasons about the fact that he ask quickly Anna to marry him he didn't have times the gates were going to be closed and he could said goodbye to his key to the throne this is why he propose so fast to anna. So the comparison with abusive relationship and what is describe above dont seems really honest as they was an explication to his behavior if he could have times to seduce her during a long time ,  he would have done it  i think (?) one the thing we know about him is that he is a very very patient person.
2. JEALOUS.
“He views other men as a threat to the relationship and accuses you of flirting with everyone from his brother to the mailman. “I know you are looking at him.” The irony is that he often is the one who is cheating.”
Behavior never show in the movie we dont know how he would have reacted to kristoff presence. when his show his "true colors" hans show us that he dont cares about anna and that   she is last of his worries.
X
3. MANIPULATIVE.
“This man is very intelligent. He knows how to detect your weak spots, and he uses your vulnerability and past pain to his advantage. “You were abused as a kid because you are so ugly.”
He never said such an horrible thing like what is described above but...he is smart he us manipulative he did use others people vulnerability ! So very much positive !
but again there is still these problem  about hans being manipulative ? ..who put totally in question hans manipulation in the movie toward anna and seriously put doubt about how much he actually manipulate anna.
 His smitten smile when she left also present in kids book who tell “ hans is smitten by the princess”  the fact that anna called him lunatic and not a liar in the book a  frozen of shadow. and hims admitted he did not manipulate her at all in a frozen heart
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4. CONTROLLING.
He wants to know where you are going and who you are with at all times. He may check the mileage on your car or follow you to the grocery store. He often refuses to allow you to work because you might “meet someone.”
Behavior never show in the movie again once hans reveal his true colors he show us that he dont give a damn about anna.
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5. A VICTIM.
“His poor choices are everyone else’s fault. When he loses his job, gets into a fight, or a business deal falls through, it’s always because of the other person. He is never at fault. “You make me hit you.””
Behavior never show in the movie when he reveal his true colors we dont know.
X
6. NARCISSISTIC.
“The whole world revolves around him. As the “little woman who is beneath him,” it is your job to meet his every need. He is the master; you are the unworthy slave. It’s invigorating for him to know that everyone around him “walks on eggshells.””
Behavior never show in the movie with anna or with the others people  also we dont know.
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7. INCONSISTENT.
“Mood swings are a common trait for an abuser. One minute he seems happy and sweet, the next he is pounding his fist.”
Honestly i will not say behavior not show in the movie but more contradictory behavior hans really knows how to stay calm , tolerate frustration and Someone like that would have never succeeded  to did what hans did. I think He will act more like the duke of weselton if he had mood swings.
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8. CRITICAL.
“No matter how hard you try you will never be able to satisfy this kind of man. He thinks nothing of degrading and verbally assaulting you. “You are a stupid, fat, disgusting tramp. You can never leave me. No other man would have you.””
Behavior not show in the movie at all.we dont know if we cant satisfy hans or if he degrade others people and verbally assault them. Then  again he left anna at the end he didnt tell her "no man expect me would want you" but the contrary he break her heart and leave her.
he said to anna that she was desperate for love and was willing to marry him just like that which was true and also an opinion shared by both Kristoff and Elsa and the audience.
the part when he said “you are not a match for elsa” he was responding to anna.
So thats left us with only one thing the “ oh anna if only there was someone out there who loved you”. and trying to deduce that from  this line Hans will said to anna the kind of stuff describe above is....extremely exaggerated. Behavior not show in the movie
not enough evidence.
X
9. DISCONNECTED.
His main goal is to isolate his victim from family and friends so that you are totally dependant on him. “Your family causes too much trouble for us. I don’t want you seeing them anymore.”
Again behavior not show in the movie he never tried to isolated anna when he show his true colors hans dont give a damn about anna anymore. Even the argument between the sisters was not intentional on his part anna arguing with elsa was far from being his goal since him what he wanted was elsa benediction and anna behavior was the last thing that he needed and just the fact that he wants to kill elsa as we all know is in order to be king not to isolated anna from her family. 
X
10. HYPERSENSITIVE.
The slightest offense sends him ranting. Everyone is out to “get him.”
Behavior never show in the movie  there was the moment with the duke of weselton  but the duke was not even criticized Hans but anna and Hans reaction was to assure his plan.
so we only have hans responding to anna that not this is her that is a not a match for elsa during his betrayal scene. So again based yourself on that and deduce “omg he is hypersensitive” is...exaggerated. We need more evidence. So in the end we just dont know again !
X
11. VICIOUS AND CRUEL.
A significant number of abusers harm children and animals as well as a partner. Inflicting pain and intimidating others is what gives him power. “I’ll kill you before I’ll let you go. If I can’t have you, no one will.”
Behavior not show in the movie he is able to show kindness to animals as he show it with Anna horse. We dont know about hans relationship with children and his whole relationship with animals. 
X
12. INSINCERELY REPENTANT.
He will swear to never “hit you again.” But unless he receives professional help and strong accountability it’s very unlikely that he will change.
Behavior never show in the movie the betrayal scene.
X
IN CONCLUSION : , we dont know. we just dont know if Hans had a behavior similar to domestic abuser with their girlfriend/spouse and if Anna would end up in a abusive relationship with him. 
honestly (that’s  only my opinion ) but judging by his behavior in the movie , his plans , his desire i think Hans would not have been an abusive Husband but an Absent Husband only interest by his job and not his queen since the start even if he liked Anna at some point his big dream to be king is what is the most important to him.
So  again  the only thing he has in common with domestic abuser is that he is manipulative but even that...hans manipulation on anna...is put in question everywhere in the beginning of the movie...books...vidéo games where it say he has a crush on her.All of the rest we just dont know or he saw contradictory behavior.
Hans never show us to be jealous , controlling, possessive, physically abusive , oversensitive , blame others and play the victim , oR inconsistent.  and even based on the movie we just cant affirm that hans is someone that verbally insult person since he never show that behavior again in the movie.
So hans acting like a domestic abuser is as true as a headcanon for someone who will like the idea of him being one. 
We just dont know how would have been his marriage with anna. All of this assumptions about hans characters to me really as based on the fact that we compare abusing someone and someone trust and put them in the same case.  This is not any better but this is believe  are two very different things. 
 i also have read lot of time woman said " hans was nice to anna and then show his true colors" then they compare that to abusive domestic relationship. But the thing is that an abuser once he show you his true colors he began to be controlling, jealous, physical abusive , emotionally abusive. Hans once he show his true colors. he leave anna he abandon her the comparaison is not very great here since in the end Anna yes would have trust issues but did not  suffer of abusive relationship victims suffer. 
We also learn think about Hans in his backstory in the frozen Franchise so yeah we dont have confirmation this is canon to the movie but this is very much canon to the frozen franchise and officially publish and approve by disney : He was not an abusive child.  he never abuse people on the contrary he was abuse by his father and brothers both physically and emotionally.  (the majority of people dont reproduce this behavior once adult but reject it) he Hates violence and is someone peaceful. He is not controlling over person but situation. He has all his life being bully because he is not cruel  and hates his father view on social darwinism and how he treat their citizens. He is used to criticized and be called a disappointment. He also dont play the victim. again the only thing confirm by his backstory is that he can be manipulative.
so i m gonna finish that post with that gif who show us that Anna is not scared of Hans. something again that rarely or just  dont have in domestic abusive relationship in real life.
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By the pricking of my thumb, something wicked this way comes.
Chapter 4: Can’t Look Away
Photo/Gif Credit: @murphyaddiction
Warnings: I’m pretty sure this chapter is quiet in this area.
Note: Hi y’all! I hope you’re safe and healthy. I’ve been able to get some writing done recently. I hope you enjoy it! I’m excited to hear what you think! Especially now that I have @ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes beta reading it for me! She’s been a tremendous help so far.
••
Thomas had chosen a slow pace to walk from one end of town to the other. Ellie wouldn’t have minded but it was freezing after that rain. She had already been out in it long enough with the Lee boys. She rubbed her hands together when she noticed her fingertips starting to turn a light shade of blue.
When he felt the movement of her hands, she felt his hand drop away. She hoped he knew she wasn’t going to run. She wasn’t in the wrong. She had nothing to run for.
Ellie gave him a side glance. His energy seemed different. It wasn’t the usual “own the room with silent dominance” bravado he carried. It was quiet. Small almost. Something she never thought she would describe anything of Thomas Shelby as.
His eyes were far off as they strode to the other end of town to find Johnny. Thomas seemed to have thoughts cycling through his head in an awful loop that he was trying to forget. Ellie thought about it for a moment and then it hit her.
The horse. The gunshot. It had to have been that. The sound of the gunshot that saved her life, had ended another. How she had seen Thomas with the horse before, Ellie realized, she had seen a softer side of him. Horses had a special place in his seemingly chained up heart. Now she understood that what she was seeing was Thomas Shelby, distraught.
“Do you have something to say, Miss Byrne?” His smoke-laden voice disturbed the silence and a small gasp escaped her lips.
Ellie contemplated in silence for a moment. She had been walking on eggshells from the moment she realized she was in Zilpha’s presence. She was tired and frustrated over the events of the night and into early this morning. Her head and face hurt. She didn’t want to be careful anymore.
“No, Mr. Shelby. I was goin’ ta ask ya if you were okay, but then I realized what had happened.”
Those ice-blue eyes moved over to her, almost looking accusatory but somehow still impassive. “He looked at me wrong. No one looks at Thomas Shelby wrong and gets away with it.”
“I’m sure they don’t, Mr. Shelby. I’m sorry about the ’orse. I would have told you but, well, we know where I was.” Ellie’s face scrunched up from the pain in her cheek and she looked downward. She used her cold hand to gently lay it on her cheek. She hoped it would help calm the pain and heat.
Eleanor hadn’t noticed Thomas stopped until she felt his hand gently grasped her arm. His grip caused her to gently change direction and she walked back toward him. Ellie squinted at him in confusion while lowering her hand.
Thomas brought his hand up to assess her cheek but she flinched. “Let me look.” Ellie looked at him carefully but leaned back.
His hands were soft and surprisingly gentle as he tilted and turned her face. It startled her how gentle he was. She knew it wasn’t right to judge someone by their surface, but with a man like Thomas Shelby? She couldn’t help it.
She watched his eyes inspect her face. He was focused. Hyper focused almost. Trying to distract himself from outside variables. He had control over examining her cheek. The cold water blue of his eyes bounced around and looked for any sign of weakness in the structure of her face. Her distraction was welcomed greatly and silently. If she wasn’t up close and personal she would have thought he was frustrated.
“Does any of that hurt?”
Ellie shook her head, “I can feel the pressure though.”
Thomas poked and prodded at a few spots around the bottom of her cheekbone. It was when he got to the top, close to the outer corner of her eye that she hissed and drew backward quickly.
“Found it. We’ll get it taken care of when we get to Johnny.” Ellie placed her hand over her cheek protectively but nodded. She was so curious as to what exactly was going through his head because this is not the kind of treatment she had expected. She hadn't expected to be slapped around or anything but she didn’t expect the gentleness of it all.
“Mr. Shelby, listen. If you’re taking me somewhere to have me “taken care of,” could we just pause for a minute?”
“Do I have a reason to have you taken care of?” There was a concealed smirk gracing those dangerous lips of his.
“To the best of my knowledge, no. Ever since the fair and being seen within five feet of you, it seems like giving me a hard time, or potentially killing me has been on people’s list.”
“We’re just going to talk to Johnny. Nothing more, nothing less.” Thomas tossed his head in the direction of the flat they were heading for. The small motion of the man’s head made her stop and look.
The noise around Eleanor dulled as 6 Watery Lane came into view. There was a haze of fog not only out on the street but in her mind as well. She had seen this flat before in a dream. She was almost certain. It hadn’t been her eyes that experienced it though. She recalled being a bird. It wasn’t a habit of hers to be on this end of the city so that must have been why she remembered the place down to the kind of trim along the bottom of the window. Thomas tugged her along and the movement shook Ellie from her trance-like state.
They both noticed the only other moving being out on the street just happened to be the man in question himself. Johnny was making his way hurriedly to the abode.
Johnny went to knock but they were close enough that he heard their footsteps. He spun around on his heels when he saw the pair making their way to him.
“Eleanor stars above! I thought somethin’ had happened to ya!” Johnny rushed over in a flurry of motion and grabbed Ellie by the upper arms. “You’re freezin’!” He took off his jacket to sling across her shoulders.
Ellie chuckled gently at his flurry, “ I’m fine, Johnny. Really. Mr. Shelby and I were just lookin’ for ya.”
“Let’s go to your van, Johnny,” Thomas suggested with a swing of his large hand. Johnny was looking between the two of them, and even in the dark, Eleanor could tell he was confused. She couldn’t blame him. If he had been missing and all of a sudden turned up out of the blue with a friend of hers in the middle of the wee morning hours, she would be confused too.
She wasn’t sure how long she was knocked out for, but she had been gone for most of the day considering it felt like early morning. Johnny had probably tried to check up on her, he did every so often since her parents were so far away. It was nice to know that someone was looking out for you on the other end.
Ellie looked to the right and saw that his van was in fact, not far away. ‘At least it’ll be warm in there.’ She glanced between Thomas and Johnny and since they weren’t moving, she started to leg it over to the carriage.
“Well c’mon, gentlemen. The van isn’t gonna float over to us.” Ellie just wanted to get this show on the road so she could go home and sleep for two days.
Her steps faltered when a commotion of noise happened behind the door to 6 Watery Lane. It ended with a loud bang that caused her to jump. She assumed the person behind the door had overestimated the distance in haste and hit the door against the wall. All three of them turned to face the door as they were greeted with a woman who exuded authority. Ellie gave Thomas a passing look and clearly, he knew the mysterious woman. She sought Johnny out, and he knew her as well from the looks of things. It seemed that she was the odd man out.
Her voice rang loud and clear with a low smoky undertone, “Well, bring the poor girl inside!” Her tone left nothing to be argued about.
Eleanor inspected Thomas and watched as the muscles in his sharp jaw twitched. She felt his large warm hand come to hover over the small of her back and to direct her into the house. The heat from his hand gave her a shiver up her spine causing her back to arch away slightly. Not because she didn’t want it there, it was the fact that she didn’t mind that bothered her.
A sigh of comfort left her rosy lips as she finally made way into the sitting area. It was warm and she was very grateful for it. She had been damp and cold for long enough. “Thank you, I was beginnin’ to lose feelin’.” She let out a breathy laugh that seemed to twinkle in everyone’s ears.
“I’m Polly, and who might you be?” The lady waved her over to the fireplace that was still in view. Eleanor was confused at the hospitality of it all, but she wouldn’t be disrespectful in the woman’s house. From the looks on Thomas and Johnny’s faces, they weren’t expecting it either. Ellie came to stand right up against the hearth. She put her hands out to start pulling in warmth from the small fire.
“Eleanor, ma’am. A pleasure to meet you. I’m sorry for the late hour.” Ellie reached out for the extended hand.
Polly scoffed and waved her hand dismissively, “These boys have no concept of a late hour.”
Thomas watched the interaction with analytical inquisitiveness. He wanted to understand just what his Aunt was trying to figure out about their unexpected guest. Glancing over at Johnny made him feel even more suspicious because Johnny had a small smirk on his face while the women talked quietly. He pressed his lips together and felt his jaw tense.
Thomas cleared his throat lightly to catch Polly’s attention. He wanted to move this along. She flashed her eyes in his direction and nodded. He held out his hand pointing to the spot in the back of the kitchen where the meeting room was.
She fixed her gaze on Eleanor before nodding to the doors behind her. “Head through those double doors behind you there.”
Ellie turned on her heel following Polly’s nod. She could see the room Thomas was pointing at. She fell into apprehensive steps behind Johnny. He had lazily started making his way into the meeting room. The dread of how this conversation could go was slowly sinking into the pit of Eleanor’s stomach. The footfalls of the Shelby’s behind her sounded like judge and jury. The room had a large table and some chairs that could almost act as an informal court.
She realized that she was being dramatic. Thomas was just validating information for himself, as well as the safety and livelihood of his family. If she had truly been a thorn in his side, he would have already taken care of the issue. He wouldn’t have brought her to his place of residence for a chat if he thought anything severe was going on. Especially since he didn’t know her aside from the last few days.
Breathing a deep huff while motioning to a chair, she asked, “May I?”
She didn’t have much of a choice as Johnny grabbed her arm and the chair, plopping her down causing a small ‘oof’ to escape her rosy lips. “Easy on, Johnny. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
“You’ve had enough adventure to last a while. ‘Bout gave me an attack when I started havin’ trouble findin’ ya, Ellie girl. Where’ve you been?” Johnny placed his palms on his knees and locked his elbows.
Ellie chewed on her lower lip for a fraction of a second and sighed. “Zilpha had me.”
Her eyes moved back and forth between Johnny and Thomas. Johnny wore a look of shock. Eleanor wasn’t involved with the Lees. He couldn’t understand what the Queen would want with Ellie. Thomas has his left eyebrow raised just slightly. His reaction was more curiosity than shock. Ellie had a feeling that it took more than the events of the last 24 hours to drop Thomas’s jaw.
“I had noticed them messin’ with Mr. Shelby’s ‘orse. I wanted to leave and not be noticed. I didn’t want to be involved,” Ellie’s shoulders dropped a fraction. Between her head and face pounding and still being awake in the wee hours of the morning, she was tired.
Her eyes panned around the room at her audience, “I didn’t wanna be involved because to each his own, but I did want to tell someone. The poor horse didn’t deserve to get caught in the middle.” Ellie’s earthy-toned orbs landed on Johnny, but she didn’t get the chance to finish. Polly spoke up from the opposite side of Thomas.
“She was on her way to find you, Thomas.”
“Well, it was him since it is his ’orse, or Johnny because I knew it would get passed along.” Ellie found that Polly’s fixed stare had her rooted to her seat. It wasn’t a challenge, but she was sizing her up. The small smile that graced Polly’s nude-colored lips, made Ellie squirm a bit until she finally forced her eyes to look toward Thomas. Which the weight nearly leveled her making her just about regret it.
“That’s how I ended up gettin’ a good crack in the face. Like I said, I normally stay to myself and don’t run with anyone.”
Thomas interrupted her, “Then why did you involve yourself this time?”
“Out of respect for the loyalty you and Johnny have for each other. We see where that got me, though. A black eye and suspicion.” Her eyebrows rose a little bit at her audacity. The pain was starting to get to her.
“Eh?! Suspicion? Tom, is that why we’re here? Ellie bird only helps me out sometimes. She has nothin’ to do with the Lees. Nothin’ to do with that horse.”
Tom acknowledged the statement but pressed on. “What did you and Zilpha talk about?”
Ellie looked between the three sets of eyes all examining her in different ways, “She questioned my intentions. Which I don’t appreciate, Queen matriarch or not. I may have lied in self-preservation, telling her I wanted to leave Mister Charlie’s yard out the back because I was still upset from being let go from the Guns, and I was. Not as much as I let on though. The pub is under your protection,” her distant gaze landed on Thomas, “and the only reason Richard kept me around was because I wasn’t involved with any of ya’s. That meant he didn’t have to worry about trouble from me.”
“I have half a mind to go give Richard a piece. He didn’t tell me none of that.” Johnny was flustered and started to rise out of his chair.
Eleanor smiled in his direction and reached out a hand to stop him, “Johnny that’s very kind, but no. I can find another job just as easy.”
Ellie continued her explanation, “Zilpha then asked me about why my name has come up in conversation every time yours is mentioned recently. To which I have no idea. All I know is that someone at the fair saw me sayin’ goodnight and goodbye to Johnny that day when he was with ya’s then told Zilpha and my boss that I was all of a sudden conspirin’ with those Peaky Blinders and the devil Thomas Shelby himself.” Ellie rolled her eyes. Yes, he wasn’t the most innocent in the bunch, but he wasn’t awful. Someone that became that distraught from having to put a horse down had some humanizing qualities left.
Thomas paused for a moment. His breath caught in his throat. He realized that was the first time she had ever spoken his name aloud. He enjoyed the way it sounded as it softly left her lips. There was an intense locking of blue eyes that looked like they could be made from oceans and brown eyes that were as grounded in the earth like roots from a tree.
Polly leaned her elbow on the table placing her hand on her hand and her face fully engrossed in the silent collision happening in front of her. There was more to this girl than met the eye. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but there was an engaging air to her. On the surface, she appeared angelic, pure almost, but scratch just a little bit below and you could see she was familiar with certain devils. What devils were they, Polly couldn’t be certain. What she could ascertain, however, was that this small bird of a girl wasn’t frightened by them.
Johnny asked, “How did Tommy find ya?”
In the blink of an eye, the eye contact was broken and the spell was over. “The Lee boys Zilpha had with her, she eventually got tired of me not having the answers she was lookin’ for. They took me out near Mister Charlie’s yard. It was just ta scare me, but one of ‘em got bad-tempered and almost took me out.”
Looking through her lashes at Thomas, another spell was cast, “your gunshot, along with me actin’ mad, scared them off. So I have you to thank that I’m not in more trouble than I could have been. Divine timin’ an’ all. So thank you, Thomas.”
There it was again. His name floating in the air in a dulcet tone that made him want to sigh and believe for a moment that everything would be alright. There was an almost imperceptible nod from Thomas, but Ellie picked up on it right away.
“Is Stevie okay?” Ellie asked.
Thomas said, “yes, and you still have a place to keep him.”
Ellie scrunched her eyebrows. He had taken the question right out of her mouth. Thomas held her gaze, and she could have sworn he looked amused. It was a flicker in passing, but she had seen it in those mirrors that were as calm before a storm at sea but just as wild as one.
Polly cleared her throat, “Thomas if you've gotten enough from the poor girl, let me fix up her eye.”
Polly stood and walked behind Ellie’s chair, gently tapping her shoulders, convincing her the meeting was adjourned and she could follow along. Polly didn’t need permission from Thomas.
Ellie stood quietly and let herself be ushered along by Polly. The doors clicked shut behind them and the women made their way into the kitchen outside of the doors.
••
Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed, and are enjoying it so far!
Taglist: @hazelnmae | @boogiewrites | @reyloshipper-starwars | @deanscroissant | @justanothershelby | @ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes
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13-reasons-ideas · 4 years
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Finding Peace In Another Part 19
A/N: T/W: Discussion of drug addiction and dating violence. This chapter is coming out a few days early and I’m sorry for the delay, I've been really busy with school. I hope everyone is coping well with the virus and isn't going to stir crazy. Also note that this is a work of free fiction and as such I’m not sticking to exact US immigration protocol. Much love!
A few weeks after my dinner with Scott, things were going well. His suspicions were quelled, Monty and I were good and there were no lingering issues with me hanging out with Scott. Since things had calmed down some, I decided to partake in my new favourite pastime. Recently I started surprising Justin at Monet’s after his shifts.
“Hey Justin, can I get peach tea and a raspberry scone please?”
“Coming right up. Usual table?”
“Depends, do you have leftovers?”
“You’ll just have to wait and see. I’m beginning to think you’re only using me for a baked good fix.”
“Maybe. I do bake as a hobby though, so its definitely more that I like you.”
He laughed as I took my drink and wandered over to the table. I people watched while he finished his shift.
“So, how are things with you?” I asked, casually after he sat down.
“You know, things are going. Clay is kind of oblivious to things, mom and dad are trying to judge what they should and shouldn’t push me on. The usual stuff. You?”
“Yeah. Things are going with me too. Dad still occasionally pops in town for a few days before going to wherever he needs to again. Still acts like I don’t essentially live on my own. I think he’s going to be in town for like two weeks sometime soon so that will be interesting.”
“Oh?” He asked, surprised. “Interesting how?”
I had to be careful how I answered. Man, this hiding our relationship thing is getting hard. “Well, he could decide to actually parent me. I’m an adult though so that could cause problems. May end up being a very silent couple of weeks.”
“Sounds like a trip.” He said, laughing.
“Justin. The last time he was home for any length of time, he told me to go look for a job.”
“Uh, why?”
“I have no idea. I can’t even legally work here. Dad’s work did something with the paperwork or something because I am still in high school. I literally can’t work, even if I wanted to.”
“I know. That makes no sense. Could tell him to send you home really.” He said, jokingly. There was a skepticalness to his tone that seemed to indicate he was nervous for my answer.
“What? No. I have finally finished settling in and have begun to think of Evergreen County as my second home. Alberta will always be my home, but that doesn’t mean I want to move back. I still don’t understand your reluctance for universal healthcare but that’s fine. Technically it hasn’t been long enough to be removed from Alberta Healthcare, but I’m not about to go to the trouble of going all the way home to deal with something that can be dealt with here. Dad haggled and made them give him really good insurance to move here and give up the free healthcare.”
“Okay good. Because we like you and don’t want you to leave.”
We talked about some school stuff for a while before I noticed him start to seem a little restless. I knew about his addiction issues and we talked about it often. “Hey, you still with me Justin?”
“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sorry what were we talking about?”
“Math test, but that’s not important. How are you doing right now?” I asked, subtly referencing the possible cause of his restlessness.
He sighed before answering, “I’m doing okay I guess.”
“Do you want to talk about it? We can go for a walk if you’re not comfortable talking here.”
After a moment he nodded. I got up and went to order us two coffees to go while he waited, trying to organize his thoughts.
“You ready to go?”
“Yeah, let’s go. Your usual?”
I rolled my eyes at him. Obviously.
We left the shop and wandered around a bit before he broke the silence. “It’s just harder than I expected it to be. Even with going to meetings, it’s hard to manage sometimes.”
“I get it. Have you talked to your sponsor at all?”
“I call him every afternoon to check in but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. And I want to talk to Jess about it, but I don’t want to scare her or push her away. And I want to talk to mom and dad about it but I don’t want them to be mad or….”
“Or what Justin?”
“Or kick me out or something? I don’t know.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t happen, but I hear you and I understand what you mean.” We sat on a park bench and people watched for a while. “You should tell Jess. Trust me when I tell you she is probably going to figure something out sooner or later.”
He looked at me in surprise, “You…?”
“No, not me. My ex-boyfriend was a prescription drug addict. Percocet was his drug of choice. He was in quasi-recovery, still drank and smoked weed so not actually trying stay sober, when we started dating. It wasn’t pills though so I wasn’t going to push the issue. But as time went on, he started using again and tried to hide it from me. It wasn’t that hard to figure it out. Things got… bad towards the end. Not that you would ever… just. I knew.”
“Oh. I-I didn’t know. Are you like, okay?”
“Yeah. It wasn’t that bad. If we stayed together it would have been worse, but thankfully we ended up breaking up after he went on a bender and I said enough was enough. But we aren’t talking about me, we are talking about you.”
“Do you think she would understand?”
“I think so. It might be hard at first, but I think she will. And she needs to hear it from you, not figure it out on her own like I did or be told by someone else. That will make it easier.”
“And my parents?”
“If you want, I can go with you to talk to them.”
“I think that would be good, yeah.”
“What do you want to do Justin?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what do you need? Do you need to go to more meetings? Do you need someone to take you to meetings? Do you need to consider going to rehab? What do you need?”
“I don’t know. I know I need help. I just don’t know where to start. Why?”
“Because I want to help you. You’re my friend. And your parents will ask, so maybe thinking about it before you talk to them would be helpful. If not though, I understand. And if you need anything, just call me. Okay? Day or night.”
“Okay, I will. Thanks Becca.”
We chatted randomly for a while again before calling it a night and parting ways.
The next day went smoothly as well. At least until lunch that is. The guys were goofing off as usual and since Scott had seemed to quell his suspicions at least for now, Monty and I didn’t have to walk on eggshells as much around him anymore. Bailey called me about halfway through lunch. It wasn’t unusual for him to call me in the middle of the day, given he had a spare after lunch, but he didn’t usually call and then text and then call again. Odd. I hope everything is okay….
“Someone’s popular? Hot date you forgot about tonight Becca?” Garrison joked. I wasn’t looking at Monty but I knew his eye twitched ever so slightly, as it did whenever someone made a comment like that.
“Uh, yeah sure. Whatever Garrison.” I said, distracted as my phone began to ring again. Something is going on. I answered it at the table rude I know, but I don’t think a bunch of teenage boys care much about table etiquette. “Hey Bailey, what’s up?” I asked.
“Hey so I didn’t want to get involved or get you involved since you aren’t here to defend yourself, but I feel like you need to know. And it’s my problem because you’re my best friend.”
“Need to know what?” I put my hand up to quiet the boys down a bit.
“James has been… saying stuff. About you. And your relationship.”
“Uh okay? Why is that a problem?”
“Because of what he has been saying and what it involves regarding your relationship.”
“What has he been saying Bailey?” I felt my cheeks begin to warm and Monty and Zach’s eyes on me.
“He’s been telling our friends uh… intimate details about your erm… private relationship.”
I laughed in disbelief. That little prick. I took a deep breath to centre myself, though it did little to quell my growing anger. The table grew silent as I started to vibrate, “well Bailey. You tell James that if he keeps running his damn mouth, I will get on the next plane home, find him, and shove my foot so far up his ass he will taste it.” I heard Bryce let out a laugh and glared at him threateningly.
“Okay. Is it wrong that I would pay to watch that? Because that would be great.”
“Bailey.”
“Sorry, just trying to break the tension.”
“Has the little slime ball been saying anything else?”
“I mean, he complains about the end of your relationship, which I don’t like but that’s not unusual.”
“Remind him that I kept my mouth shut about a lot of shit he did, to protect him. And remind him about the little agreement we made when we broke up. I may not live there anymore, but my phone plan has international calling and I am on very good terms with the school resource officer.”
“What agreement Rebecca?”
“The agreement that keeps his dumb ass out of jail for various things that I cannot talk about right now. And certainly not with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t have money to bail you out of jail and the exchange rate is terrible right now. That’s why.”
“O-okay then. Talk later?”
“Yeah, I might call tonight but if not, later this week. Depends on my plans for the evening.” I heard a bell on the other end of the line.
“Gotta run, love you Becky.”
“Love you too Bear.”
When I looked up, the table was staring at me, slack jawed. Scott looked the least surprised out of the group, considering he had a little more insight than everyone else regarding my last relationship. “What?”
“What the fuck was that?” Matt asked.
“My ex was talking about shit he shouldn’t have been talking about.”
“Okay we got that much but… what was that?” Zach asked.
“You’re so small. How can such a small person have that kind of anger in them?” Garrison added.
“Could have something to do with people not watching where the hell they walk and stepping on me, or it could have something to do with my tolerance for bullshit getting lower and lower the older I get.”
“But you hang out with us. So, I don’t see how that is possible? That was kind of hot though.” Scott asked.
“No offence, but I’ve met second graders who exude more bullshit than you guys do all put together. Well if I knew that’s all it would take to turn you on Scott, I would have told Bailey to call me during lunch a long time ago.”
“Okay, that’s fair. Hurtful but fair. What can I say, it’s the simple things. Are you going to eat your apple?”
“Depends Scotty. Are you going to take it anyway?”
“I plead the fifth.”
“Uh huh. Since I don’t get a choice anymore, knock yourself out.” I chucked my apple at him, half hoping he would miss. He never did.
Zach and Monty shared a look. Still haven’t grasped subtlety yet I see. “Do you want my carrot sticks Monty? I’m not very hungry.”
“Why?”
“Big breakfast.”
“Right. Sure, not one to say no to free food. Even if they are someone’s leftovers.”
“They aren’t leftovers you meatball. I cut them this morning. I had green beans last night.”
“Do you eat other vegetables Becks?” Monty asked, teasingly, taking a bite of the stick.
“Dude, chew your fucking food.” Bryce chided.
“Why? What is this? Interrogate Rebecca day or something? Eat your damn carrot sticks.”
There was a beat of silence, where the boys sat with perplexed looks on their faces. Zach, bless him, jumped in with some game related question that I tuned out as it went over my head. I’m dating a sports player. I never said I understood any of it. The heat seemed to be off of us again, though I could feel Scott glancing my way every now and then while I tried to brush up on some geometry before math class.
I had full intentions to lessen Scott’s once again raised suspicions, so instead of waiting for Montgomery a minute or two after the lunch bell as usual, I merely waived goodbye to my friends and ran to math. I was the first one there so I pulled out the book I was reading between classes.
“Good book?” Cyrus asked, startling me as he sat down.
“God! You scared me. Yeah, I have read it a few times though.”
“Cool. Did you want to come hang out tonight? Mack is going to Chad’s place to talk boys or something.”
“Maybe, I’ll have to check my schedule.”
“Dad is making baked ziti for dinner. You can have a corner piece.” He bribed.
“A corner piece of ziti you say? Well in that case, my schedule is clear as day.”
“It’s a plan.”
Mr. Daniels started class a few minutes later. Will geometry ever get easier?
I met Cyrus at my locker after school and yelled a goodbye to my friends, who were having an animated discussion about who would in a fight, someone I had never heard of or some other guy I’ve never heard of. There was a chorus of ‘byes’ and grunts of acknowledgement. We parted ways and met again at his house.
“Hey Andrew.” I greeted his dad.
“Hey kids. How was school?”
“It was school dad. The establishment and crap.”
“I see you had a good day Cyrus.”
“At Liberty? Sure.”
“I had a pretty good day. I told my friend at home to tell my ex where he can stick his opinion. Do you need help with anything?”
“No, that’s okay thanks though Becca.”
“Oh this I need to hear.” Cyrus said, grabbing a Coke from the fridge.
“Pass me a Diet and I’ll tell you.” After opening my drink, I told the father and son the story of the lunch phone call.
His dad raised his brow and muttered something about punk ass little shits who don’t know their cocks from their feet.
“That is awesome dude. You should have told him to Facetime you when he told this James dickwad.”
“That would require me seeing the asshat’s stupid face. So no sadly.”
“Fair point. We are going to my room to do some homework Dad. Call when dinner is ready? I bribed her with a corner piece so save one for her.”
“For sure kids. Have fun.”
With that, we ran off to his room, but we didn’t work on the non-existent homework. Instead, we went through his records and Spotify account and argued about which to play. “Just go to a radio if it’s going to be an issue Cyrus.”
“No no. You’re my guest, you choose.”
“I already chose and you said no.”
“Fine. Defy it is. You’re lucky I like you.”
“Mhmm. Just play the damn album Cy.”
He laughed as he hit play and the sounds of Of Mice & Men filled the room.
“You better not have been lying about the corner piece man.”
“Lie to you about dad’s cooking? I would never.”
“Right. And I’m the Queen of England.”
We joked around for a while before dinner. Andrew called us down later and as promised, I had my crispy corner slice of ziti.
“Thank God it’s Friday. I want this week to be over. Thank you for dinner again.”
“Everything okay Becca? It’s no problem.” Andrew asked.
“Yeah, it’s just been busy. Lots of assignments and stuff.” Too much work and not enough boyfriend time.
“Well you have the weekend to relax at least.” Cyrus pointed out, waving his fork.
“If you don’t stop that, you’ll poke your eye out one of these days. Are you going to the game next Saturday, Cyrus?” “Maybe. Not really my scene.”
“Oh come on, it’ll be fun. We can not care about the sport together. It’s high school. You only go once.”
“Fine, but you are buying me popcorn.”
“Deal.” I said and shook his hand.
Andrew made sure to send me home with leftovers and a standing invitation to come for dinner any time at the end of the night.
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ykiyori · 3 years
Text
Am I being held hostage by abuser(s)? Checklist. Bold the ones that happened to you, italicize if you’re not sure.
Psychological brainwashing
they use every little slip-up or mistake as a proof that I’m incapable of independency
they humiliate my work and insist I’m never going to be good enough to make it on my own
they insist I make bad decisions, and they know better for my life, even though I’m an adult
they claim that the way I’m going, I’m never going to become anything in life
they convinced me I would be dead without them
they threatened my life when I wouldn’t do as they want me to
they remind me they hold my life in their hands, and that I have to do as I’m told
they put me in situation where I can’t collect myself fast enough to do things properly, and then use it as a proof that I can’t do anything right (for instance, yelling at you while you try to drive a car, then humiliating you when you make a mistake because of their yelling)
they convinced me escaping them equals death
they talked about all the ways I would lose everything and end up dying from starvation, sickness, assault, lack of shelter, lack of resources if I leave, and it would be all my fault
they keep reminding me of how much worse I could have it, and how much worse others have it
they told me other people would judge me even worse, abuse/beat me more, and that I don’t even know how lucky I am to be with them
they make it seem like I would be taking up too much space and be a nuisance to good people I were to leave, they make it seem like it would be stupid for me to live anywhere else
they keep convincing me I would end up being most pathetic person if I tried to live on my own
they threatened me with poverty and starvation, and they look down on poor people to the point where I’m sure they would find me stupid and pathetic if I were to end up poor
they told me that nobody else would tolerate and accept me, and if I escape from them, all the doors would be closed to me, and society would abandon me completely
they cause a scene including violence and abuse, and then afterwards their attitude suddenly changes and they’re gentle and nice to me, making me feel very disoriented and confused
they keep me in awful living conditions, but sometimes they’ll offer me some gift or privilege that feels like I’m special to them, and makes me believe things are okay
they finance my addiction or supply me with something I can’t do without so I have to stay
I know I’m not supposed to tell anyone about their mistreatment of me, or make them look bad in any way, even bolding things on this list feels like a forbidden thing to do
I’m not allowed to mention the times they hurt or abused me, and if I do, they get upset, and reverse the situation so it seems that it was my fault, or I deserved it, or I made it up
I’m aware every day of the things I’m not supposed to do, if I don’t want to upset them, and have to walk on eggshells around them most of the time
I feel like things could get better if I stay, even if it’s really bad right now
I remember things being so great, I can’t let go of hope that it’s going to be like that again
I feel like I’m addicted to them and couldn’t leave if I wanted to
I feel like they’re the only person who could ever love me
I don’t believe I could survive without them
I’m scared of them, but I’m not allowed to say it
I’m too damaged at this point to be living with normal people, there is no place for me except here
Violence and threats
they break my things if I’m away when they expect me/need me to be home
they threatened to hurt me if I leave
they threatened to hurt themselves if I leave
they threatened that I will be dragged back if I leave
they threatened to call the police if I leave
they threatened to kill me if I leave
they threatened to hurt someone I love if I leave
they threatened to hurt/kill my pet if I leave
they threatened to put me in a mental institution when I expressed distress at how they treat me
they punish every little disobedience from their rules so severely, I feel like the punishment for leaving would be death
Emotional manipulation and guilt
they claim to be worried about me, but their worried actions always make my situation much worse, and end up sabotaging everything I’m trying to do
they remind me that I have to be grateful to them, because they’re the only reason I’m still alive
they disapprove of me having friends, and get upset if I spend a lot of time with friends
they make me feel like I’m a horrible person for not loving them, and for wanting to get away
they make me feel so guilty and ashamed for not feeling the way I’m supposed to
they make me believe they’ll be hurt if I leave, and I would be cruel to do that to them
they cause a scene and make me feel very guilty if I talk about leaving
they seem so distressed about me leaving, it’s hard for me to not feel guilty for distressing them
Escape Sabotage
they traumatized me to the point where I can’t take care of myself on my own, and they blame me for it
they caused me cptsd/anxiety/depression that stops me from regular life activities and forces me to rely on them to provide for me
they keep making my cptsd/anxiety/depression worse, and make it impossible for me to recover
they make sure I never have enough resources to run away (take away my money, monitor my finances, overwork and exhaust me to the point where I can’t hold down a job)
they manipulated me into signing a contract that binds me to them, or a certain place, or keeps my money out of my reach, and under their control, making it harder to leave
they disapprove of me getting more education or a job, especially if it’s far away
they cause me distress in crucial moments when I need to focus on accomplishing something (for instance, yelling at you for something rigth when you need to finish and submit your final work)
if you can bold even 3 of these, your abusers are aware that they’re abusing you, and that is logical for you to want to get away from them, and they’re making direct actions to sabotage and stop you from escaping.Only reason they would try to convince you that you can’t survive without them is that they know you are able to, and they’re actively trying to stop it. If you feel pathetic for not being able to leave, this isn’t true, you’ll notice abusers are putting shitton of work making sure you can’t leave, they wouldn’t be doing that if they really thought you were too pathetic to leave? They’re sabotaging you because they know you can get away.
Also, presenting themselves as the only source of survival, love, and comfort to you? They’re trying to affect you to trauma bond to them and have you develop Stockholm Syndrome, that means you’d be forced to make decisions for their benefit instead of yours, and you wouldn’t be able to fight against them because it would mean risking your life.
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miraculouslbfangirl · 4 years
Text
8 - The weight of being the Guardian
AO3
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Chapter 8 - Time for patrol
Ladybug landed a few meters away from where Chat Noir laid staring at the sky with his hands under his head. She approached carefully to not disturb him and laid beside him inhaling the cool night air. She studied his profile; it hadn’t the soft look of someone stargazing. Instead, it held a serious expression, his jaw clenching and unclenching every now and then.
“A penny for your thoughts, Kitty” Ladybug said averting her eyes from him.
“The akuma today. That little boy seemed so lonely. It’s not that I’m judging his parents, it’s just… the woman that came to pick him up was his babysitter. She admitted that his parents have been giving too much attention to the baby and leaving him out.”
He didn’t elaborate, it was clear that it was a painful subject for him. He was projecting his own life into the situation. Ladybug understood why he was so tense. Gabriel filled her mind, his cold demeanor, his lack of involvement in Adrien’s life. How many fencing competitions Gabriel had failed to show up? He had never been to school, always sending Nathalie in his place. Adrien almost never complained, but she had seen him in many of his fragile moments to know better. She shook her head to clear her mind. Perhaps one day she would be able to talk to him about his home life, but not today.
“I’m not going to judge them either, but if I were in their place I’d try to include him in the care with the baby. Ask his help, maybe when it’s bath time; small things so he could feel helpful.” She smiled imagining the scene.
“Is that how your parents acted with you?” Chat gasped. “I’m sorry. I…”
“I’m an only child.” She chuckled seeing his surprise for her sharing personal information. “It’s not like you can figure me out just by that.”
“You never know.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Just kidding,” Chat laughed and returned his gaze to the sky with a much softer expression. “If I were in his father’s place I would try to give him all the time I could, play with him, help the mother with him.” He stopped a bit to think. “I would take care of the baby too so my wife could spend some alone time with him as well.”
Ladybug closed her eyes feeling her throat constrict. His wife. How did their conversation get to this point? It was so easy to imagine him doing those domestic things. Not long ago she had imagined him building a pillow fort and then reading to their kids making voices; she would join them with the food she’d have prepared. Maybe at that time he had imagined something similar, raising a family with Ladybug. Now she had no idea who he was imagining as his wife. It wasn’t even Kagami for what she knew.
Her eyes flew open as she remembered that Ladybug wasn’t supposed to know about his decision to remain only friends with Kagami.
“Wife, hum? Thinking that far ahead with your girlfriend?” She put as much as teasing on her voice as she could muster.
“She isn’t my girlfriend.” He sighed and just a few seconds later he sat up facing Ladybug. “Oh, you meant Kagami. I decided against dating her.”
“You’re confusing me. Who were you thinking of?” She sat up as well, his admission of thinking about another girl as his wife plaguing her mind.
“Sorry, it’s confusing for me too. Let me try to explain.” Ladybug nodded for him to continue. “So, last time we talked you said that I should date Kagami but I wasn’t so sure about it. I don’t love her. She is a nice girl and we have so much in common that I feel good being around her. I didn’t feel like that was enough, though. So I went for another opinion.” He said a look of guilt on his features for not following her advice.
“It’s ok that you looked for someone else’s opinion. You had all the right to do so. It’s something important. I’m the one sorry here for just hum… pushing you to Kagami, I guess. I just want you to be happy.” He visibly relaxed as she gave him an apologetic smile.
“I know you do and I want you to be happy too.” He changed his position so he wasn’t facing her anymore. He brought his knees up to his chest and hugged his legs. “So, as I was waiting for my best friend to ask his opinion I encountered another friend and asked hers instead. She encouraged me too and that caught me off guard. Not because of her answer, she is always supporting her friends and has joined some couples after all.” He glanced briefly at Ladybug as she sat there in silence trying to understand what he was saying. “I realized that I wanted her to stop me from dating Kagami and tell me to date her instead.” He laughed dryly “What a foolish thought, I know.”
Ladybug couldn’t believe her ears. She surely hasn’t understood him right. “You l-like your friend?” she stammered.
“I think I have for a while. I was just too blind to realize my feelings for her because I had all my thoughts on you. I even rejected her because of you.” He buried his face between his knees and kept silent.
Ladybug didn’t say anything. Too busy wrapping her mind around that new information. He loved her. All of her. Her doubts of whether he had dated Marinette just because she was Ladybug in the Chat Blanc timeline falling to pieces. Her heart clenched, without knowing how Hawkmoth discovered their identities she would have to reject him if he tried to confess to her. It took all of her self control to hold back the tears. When he finally loved her back, she couldn’t love him. In what world was that fair? Where was her luck?
“When are you going to confess to her?” She managed to keep her voice somewhat steady to ask. She wanted to be, at least, prepared.
“I won’t”.
“What?” The genuine surprise in her voice caused him to raise his head and look at her.
“My best friend suggested me to wait a few days because of the situation with Kagami and then ask her out. But I don’t think that it’s a good idea. She doesn’t like me like that. She said that multiple times. And there’s the fact that she helped me with Kagami. Why would she help me with another girl if she liked me?”
“You have a point,” she said hiding the truth.
“She is completely out of my reach.” He heaved a sigh and faced her again. “Well, that’s not why we’re here. Let’s get to the important things.” Ladybug was marveled at how fast he schooled his face and hid his feelings.
Ladybug sighed too. “The miraculous holders.”
“It’s not safe for them, now that Hawkmoth knows who they are. Have you thought about a solution yet?”
She nodded. “I think that, for now, we could use multiple miraculous ourselves when needed. Like we did against Miracle Queen.”
“That was a hard thing to do. With the Snake Miraculous, I had to do most of the planning and I’m not particularly good at it.”
Ladybug snorted “I think you did an amazing job.” Imagining that his answer could have been influenced by their recent talk about Aspik, she added “You will probably have to use other Miraculous too, like the turtle. And it would be temporary until we find other holders or another solution.”
“Yeah! You’re right. But I gave it a thought too.”
“Great! What’s your idea?” Ladybug perked up. It was good to brainstorm with him.
“We can’t give the Miraculous back to the people that used them before because Hawkmoth knows who they are, right?” She nodded. “I already knew some of their identities, so, me knowing it’s not a problem.”
“No, it’s not. What’s your point?” She was getting impatient.
“Ok. When you gave the Mouse Miraculous to Marinette the only one who saw her detransform was me.”
“I can’t give the Miraculous back to her” Ladybug said trying to contain her panic. She should have expected that.
“Why not? Hawkmoth doesn’t know who she is and she did a great job. It’s perfect.” He looked at her confused when she got up and started to pace.
“It��s not perfect. She was reckless; I can’t have her putting us at risk.”
Chat Noir got up and towered over her. “Reckless? Just because she assumed that I could know who she was?” He glared at her.
“She shouldn’t have assumed that,” Ladybug said struggling to find a reasonable excuse.
“Both Kagami and Chloe let Hawkmoth know their identities and yet you gave them back the Miraculous.”
“And look where that led us. Chloe betrayed us.” She spat.
“Don’t compare Marinette with Chloe.” He practically growled.
Ladybug fought the urge to cringe and stepped forward tilting her head up in defiance. “I’m not giving a Miraculous to the girl you like. I can’t risk you putting yourself or her in danger because of your feelings.”
She hasn’t realized that she was projecting Chat Blanc’s feelings into her words until Chat Noir looked at her with the same ice-cold glare that his akumatized self wore. He narrowed his eyes clenching his jaw.
“Well, you’re the Guardian. You make the rules. You know where to find me if you need me.” He turned on his heels and jumped from the roof.
Ladybug stayed frozen in place. Having a double life was never easy but now it seemed that she was walking on eggshells. Or better saying, on a minefield, judging by his reaction. “How am I going to fix this?”
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