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dreadfutures · 3 years

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Inquisitor as a Companion: Ixchel Lavellan

Is your OC a Companion in the Dragon Age series? What would it be like for a player to select them to join their party for quests (or romance them, perhaps? 👀)

Here is Ixchel’s (fake) DA Wiki page, if she were a companion. Meme started by @little-lightning-lavellan , so tag her if you do this!

(Find this on AO3, where I will add Location Comments and dialogue options as I think of them.)

Ixchel is an elven warrior and activist. She is a potential companion in Dragon Age: Inquisition. (WIP Tarot art by me. :) )

Background

Ixchel likely originated in southern Ferelden, but the events of the Fifth Blight drove her northward. She encountered several Dalish clans who did not take her in, possibly due to the limited resources available due to the encroaching Darkspawn hordes, or perhaps because she does not appear to be fully-elven. Ixchel has smaller, rounder ears than normal for an elf, though they are longer and sharper than that of a human. The orphan stowed away on a boat to the Free Marches, where she found no refuge in Kirkwall or the major cities and took to wandering the countryside in search of food and shelter. During this time, Ixchel encountered Clan Lavellan outside of Markham, but she did not remain.

After the Archdemon’s defeat, Ixchel returned to Ferelden, as she felt drawn to the traces of elven history she had found there as a child. There, she encountered a Warden who helped her read a word that she found in a ruin: Ixchel.

Sometime between 9:34-9:37 dragon, Ixchel reappeared outside of Markham, calling herself by this new name. In 9:37 Dragon, a particularly harsh winter drove the Lavellan Clan to seek out the orphan and took her in to teach her to hunt and fend for herself better. She proved to have a keen mind for learning, and a drive to prove her value. She remained with the Clan for two years. In 9:41 Dragon, she volunteered to go to the Conclave in Haven as a spy, due to her ability to pass as human and travel largely unnoticed. She is roughly sixteen years old.

Involvement

Dragon Age: Origins

A Dalish Warden can potentially encounter Ixchel as part of the Lead Her Through the Darkness side-quest in Dragon Age Origins: Witch Hunt DLC. She appears as a precocious, nameless orphan less than ten years of age. She has written a word on her arm in ash and asks the Warden to translate it. It is unclear if the name is Elven or Tevene in origin, but the Warden translates it as Ixchel (ihsh-chEL).

Dragon Age: Inquisition

Ixchel can only be recruited after relocation to Skyhold and beginning the A Fallen Sister side quest in the Emerald Graves. After freeing the prisoners from the Veridium Mine, the Inquisitor will come across Ixchel under attack by a group of Freemen. The Inquisitor will help Ixchel defeat the Chevaliers, for which she expresses gratitude.

A Dalish Inquisitor has the option to call her “da’len” and express relief that she escaped the Conclave. Ixchel explains that she fled Haven after the explosion at the Temple of Sacred Ashes and went in search of a Dalish Clan (see: The Knights’ Tomb) to take her in. On her way, she saw the harm caused by the Civil War in Orlais. She sees how much good the Inquisition can do and offers her services to help uproot the Freemen of the Dales and fight Corypheus. Her travels and experiences have made her well-suited to consider the needs of elves, both among alienages and the Dalish, as well as humans. Ixchel cannot be recruited if Wicked Eyes, Wicked Hearts has been completed.

In Skyhold, Ixchel can be found in the center of the courtyard by the main stairway, either near the Training Ring (if Skyhold is upgraded) or near the City and Dalish elven NPCs who often argue there.

If Ixchel and Solas are in a party together, they will develop a fast mentoring relationship as Ixchel asks Solas about his dreams in various locations they have traveled. He will comfort her after she expresses anger at the treatment of elves in Halamshiral and gently encourage her to take action. She will argue with him about his scorn for the Dalish and insist on the merits of their resilience and efforts to reclaim their heritage after centuries of oppression.

After accessing the Exalted Plains from the War Table, Ixchel will approach the Inquisitor in Skyhold and ask to meet with Hawen’s Clan. The dialogue options vary depending on whether the Inquisitor has yet discovered that the Dalish have been killed at Din’an Hanin. Ixchel is worried about the Clan’s proximity to the front of the Orlesian Civil War.

When Hawen’s clan is first encountered, a Dalish scout will address Ixchel as “flat-ear.” Ixchel is deeply upset by this and explains to the Inquisitor that it is because Ixchel does not have vallaslin and that she doesn’t appear as fully elven. A Dalish Inquisitor has the option to reassure Ixchel of her place in Clan Lavellan with or without the vallaslin. If the Inquisitor wins high approval among Hawen’s Clan, Hawen offers to formally adopt Ixchel by giving her vallaslin and initiates the Inner Circle Quest, Inward Glory.

Ixchel hesitates to accept the honor. Ixchel wants to learn the history of the vallaslin and asks the Inquisitor to help her learn how the practice has evolved from enslaved elves in Tevinter, to the elves of the Dales, to the modern Dalish Clans. The Inquisitor must contact researchers in Tevinter, Orlais, and Varric’s contact with the Dalish--Merrill.

Completion of Inward Glory is followed by another Inner Circle quest, Proudly Crowned Withal. Ixchel meets with the Inquisitor and Solas to review what she learned and make her final decision. The Inquisitor can encourage Ixchel to honor her heritage and take the vallaslin, tell her that she can serve her People better as a human-passing spy without vallaslin, or tell her that she has proven that she cares for the elves and belongs to them whether she shows it on her face or not.

If she is told not to take the vallaslin, she will not, but she Greatly Disapproves. Solas will Disapprove of all options. A Dalish Inquisitor has the added option to tell her that the Inquisitor, as well as the Lavellan Keeper, considered her to be part of Clan Lavellan even without the vallaslin. If Ixchel is told to accept, or if the Inquisitor lets Ixchel choose herself, she will accept Hawen’s offer.

A Dalish Inquisitor who has completed their romance with Solas will have the option to ask Solas to tell Ixchel the truth about the vallaslin. A Dalish Inquisitor who removed her own vallaslin has the opportunity to tell Ixchel one-on-one. Ixchel will reveal that Solas in fact told her the truth before the completion of her personal quest, and Ixchel made her decision knowingly.

After completing Ixchel's Inner Circle quests, new missions will appear on the War Table. Ixchel wants the Inquisition to work with factions like the Red Jennies, Briala's spy network, and even members of Celene's court to make reparations for Empress Celene's burning of the Halamshiral alienage, to put an end to the Val Royeaux Chevaliers' tradition of hunting City elves in the alienage streets after dark, and to restore self-governance to the alienage in Denerim, whose freedoms were restricted after the events of the Fifth Blight.

Trespasser:

If the Inquisitor has high approval with Ixchel, the warrior has devoted her time to activism in Orlais’ alienages, potentially allying with Briala. Ambient dialogue in the Winter Palace indicates that she and her movement are reviled by members of the Orlesian court, and the ruler of the Empire is considering a preventative strike for fear of a violent uprising.

If the Inquisitor did not win high approval with Ixchel, she still appears at the Exalted Council to reunite with friends in the Inner Circle. She reveals that she spent the intervening time between Inquisition and Trespasser traveling the world with Morrigan (or Morrigan and Kieran) to continue research in Ancient Elvhen history, as well as sowing rebellion--which she calls mien’harel-- in alienages across Thedas. She is saddened that the Inquisitor has still heard no word from Solas.

In the Epilogue, if the Inquisitor has resolved to kill Solas, Ixchel vanishes. She leaves a note to a high-approval Inquisitor saying that she is sorry but she has gone to find a third option to thwart Solas. If the Inquisitor instead chooses to convince Solas to change his plans, Ixchel remains allied with the Inquisition as she redoubles her efforts to unite elves across Thedas against oppression, and to actively counter Fen’Harel’s recruitment.

Approval

Ixchel appreciates honesty and empathy in Inquisitors. Given her upbringing outside of both human and elven customs, she is skeptical of actions motivated by religion. She is generally supportive of increasing freedom and understanding between groups like Mages and Templars and humans and elves.

She is curious and precocious, and she approves of exploring magic and history without bias. She is unlike other companions in that, if she is met with anger or scorn, her approval does not change. Dialogue options that mock or disrespect other members of the Inquisition and their beliefs, even those she does not get along with outright like Sera, will net disapproval.

Ability Tree/Specialization

Ixchel is a two-handed warrior with access to the Champion specialization tree. She begins with a two-handed greataxe.

Combat comments

Kills an enemy

“Push them back!”

“Move and parry, strike and kill!”

“Did you see that?”

Low Health

“Come and get it!”

“I’m taking you with me!”

“Not sure how much longer I can hold…”

Low Health (Companions)

(Inquisitor) Inquisitor! You must keep fighting!

(Inquisitor) Lethallen, no!

(Solas) I’m coming, Solas!

Fallen Companions

(Inquisitor) Guard the Inquisitor!

(Cole) I can't lose Cole!

Companion comments about OC

Vivienne: She is certainly a quick study, but painfully earnest, that girl. It is too bad the Game is played out in court, not on the battlefield.

Solas: A childhood free of human or Dalish dogma allows her to see the biases ingrained in many who are older or more experienced. (“She’s young and naive.”) Because she expresses empathy for those who might not appear to deserve it? *sigh* I too have expressed that such openness might only lead to heartbreak. What she told me belies a wisdom far beyond her years: ‘When we ascribe compassion to be virtues of the gods, it becomes impossible for mortals to embody them. But the Fade reflects the waking world, and Compassion, Empathy, and Justice can be found in both.’

Dorian: There are quite the depths in her, despite her stature.

Bull: You don’t see a lot of atheists outside of Par Vollen. Everyone needs to believe the world’s fucked up for a reason, that there’s something waiting for them that’s better than the crap they have to suffer. Then again, people who pick up a sword that big are usually trying to prove something. Maybe that’s it.

Sera: There are two kinds of elfy-elves--people like him [see: Solas], and people like her. She’s been like me before, hungry an’ angry. And she doesn’t want anyone to be hungry anymore, so she gets all angry. ‘Stead of lookin’ back, she looks forward. And both of ‘em forget to look right in front of their noses.

Cole: The lonely traveler [see: Dirthamen] seeks, and finds, and loses again. She is bright, but she cannot see. Where she walks, the flame catches.

Trivia

The names of Ixchel’s personal quests are from various Percy Bysshe Shelley poems

Ixchel can receive the vallaslin of Dirthamen

Ixchel’s face bears heavy scarring that she claims is due to an encounter with dragonlings

Ixchel’s in-game body model is the same height as a Dwarven Inquisitor and Scout Harding.

If Blackwall and Ixchel are in a party together, they will stand near each other. Instead of entering their idle animations, they will draw their weapons as though they are about to spar.

Ambient dialogue in Skyhold implies that she trails after Cassandra “like a loyal hound” and they frequently practice together.

#inquisitor as companion #oc as companion #dragon age oc #ixchel lavellan #inquisitor #lavellan #inquisitor lavellan #dead pasts dread futures #meme #:)#there's so much i want to add #that no one cares about #so i'll update the fic with it lol

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1085

survey by -egocentricity-

On Myspace, what was in the last bulletin you posted? I haven’t been on Myspace for well over a decade; and even when I was there I didn’t have any friends added nor did I remember ever posting anything. Friendster and Multiply were a lot more popular.

When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? I took a selfie last Saturday in the dining room. It’s of me holding up the vape pen that Andi lent me for the meantime to show Angela, since she wanted to see what it looked like.

Have you ever been scolded by a mall cop? I remember being lightly chided once when I was like, 7 – I was leaning on a glass wall of a store in the mall, so the guard from that store nicely told me to get back up to be safe. Overall, I don’t think I’ve ever exhibited behavior in public that should’ve gotten me into trouble.

How often do you catch yourself daydreaming? Definitely not so much these days. I need to keep being preoccupied with work or other things to do/accomplish since my daydreaming always seems to end with thinking of scenarios that now upset me, like, idk, happier times with my ex. I’m tired of letting that happen and always being upset in the end, so I try to avoid getting lost in my thoughts anymore.

What's your favorite thing to think about as you're falling asleep? Idk about you but thinking in general keeps my mind up and racing lol, so when I’m trying to sleep I do my best to black out my mind so that I can doze off.

Is there anything that you want to do, but won't because you're too afraid? So I went to college with this girl - I believe she’s several batches older - who, as soon as she graduated, set out on a hitchhiking journey across the world. She’s been doing it for four years, and I believe she has finally made it to Europe after being stuck in Kazakhstan for a year due to Covid. She’s amazing and her spirit is so fucking beautiful. She has a Facebook page that I actively follow detailing her experiences; but as great as her journey has been, I don’t know and I highly doubt that I can set out for such a demanding, commitment-heavy challenge myself.

Who was the last person to yell at you? My mom is the only person who does that, but she hasn’t done so in a while.

Who gets up the earliest in your household? The latest? My dad, since his work starts the earliest. I will sometimes hear the car engine purring by 5:45 AM. The latest would be my sister, since she stays up the latest as well. I think she’s up by 8 AM, but she doesn’t show up outside of her bedroom until 10 or 11.

Have you ever had a pet walk across your keyboard while you were typing? No, and I am glad that’s the case because both of my dogs are too big and I fear that they could actually snap my laptop in half.

What political issues do you think deserve less attention/worry? No political issue deserves any less attention than others. Political issues always mean that someone is on the losing end and I don’t think it’s fair to compare and decide which ones can be put on the backseat.

Anyway, I do believe it’s not so much the issues that should be compared, but the people in politics who are given the spotlight. Here in the Philippines especially, a lot of celebrities want to have their own political careers (and usually win a seat) despite their zero experience and the media gobbles that shit up all the time, which is disgusting. Related to this, I hope the media makes a consicous effort to wipe Trump out of the headlines once he’s out of office.

Which political issues are you most passionate about? I dunno if I can measure that since I’m pretty vocal about a lot of things. What I can tell you is that in the political issues I have a say in, I always side with the marginalized and the oppressed. IPs, POC, LGBTQ+, immigrants, factory workers, jeepney drivers, contractualized employees, activists, student-activists...my heart has always been with them and their cause.

You're going to your favorite foreign country; what landmarks do you go see? I’m not sure if I have a favorite country, but I’m very picky about landmarks in general anyway. I’d rather experience the local life and eat at smaller local places and go to lesser-known beaches and stuff.

What is the longest amount of time that you have spent away from your home? A little longer than a week, and this was usually when I traveled abroad.

Did the last movie you watched have any emotional effect on you? Yeah, so much so that I was unable to finish it and I had to show up at dinner while still fresh from crying.

What motivates you to go to school? Not applicable to me anymore, but I suppose this can be easily rephrased to mean work. Honestly, my main motivation is the desire to have a perfect record at work lol. I’m super neurotic about this and I hate the idea of being absent or late. Money comes second; I rarely buy stuff for myself so I mostly don’t even realize the money coming in to my account every two weeks. Then third is the desire to be good at my job because I do want to get promoted and rack up more positions as I go along.

How much caffeine have you consumed in one day? The most cups of coffee I’ve had in one day is 3, and that was not an enjoyable experience ha. Right now, I’m on my first cup of coffee.

Are you more hyper and up-tight, or laid back and relaxed? I guess it depends on the situation. I can definitely exhibit either, but my behavior will vary based on the people I’m with and/or how comfortable I am in a certain situation.

When was the last time you heard someone talking about you? Around a week ago. My parents were having dinner separately and I heard my name being mentioned in a few sentences.

How did you pick out your last outfit? I wanted an outfit that was chill and easy to carry around, but would still make me look like I put some effort into picking it out.

When buying shoes, what do you look for in the product? I admittedly like brand names, so that’s the first thing I look at. I also like to keep up with what’s trending, so I look at items in a brand’s catalog that I see more and more people wearing. If it matches with my own personal style, then I keep an eye on it/purchase it altogether.

What happened to cause the last mess you made? The last and current mess I have on me is my work desk, which I’ve since abandoned in favor of my bed + portable desk as my new workspace. Idk, over the Christmas break I just ended up stacking up so much shit on the desk until it became a little too cluttered. I’ve cleaned it up here and there to make the space look neater, but there’s still a lot of stuff.

Are you embarrassed to bring people into your bedroom? Not embarrassed; I just find it unnecessary. My bedroom is too small to host guests and the only times I’ve let someone in there is when I had a significant other. I prefer people to stay in the living room.

When was the last children's birthday party you attended? It was my third cousin Isabella’s 7th birthday party at a Jollibee. Her family has been living in Australia for a while, but I guess they wanted to host a party with their Filipino family so they flew back here to stay for a few days. Because she is my third cousin and because she’s been living in Australia all her life, I don’t actually have any sort of relationship with her lmao but I still made an effort to greet her and stuff.

Are you good at reading other people's body language? Yes, to the point that it contributes to my overall anxiety.

If you're sick, do you go to school or do you stay home [usually]? I rarely get a fever so when I do it feels like actual death. For that reason, I usually have to skip the day and focus on feeling better.

Does chicken noodle soup really make you feel any better? I never had it whenever I’ve felt like crap in the past. I don’t really like soup though, so on a personal level I doubt it would have any effect on me.

What is one meal that you like to eat whilst sick? I don’t have a go-to meal because again, I rarely get sick.

Think of the last survey you filled out; did you enjoy it? Sure, it was easy to digest and it’s the kind that you can take over and over again.

Have you ever fed bread to ducks or geese? I’ve fed bread, but to fish in the sea; not ducks or geese since idk if we have either here other than in zoos. In our trip to Mactan in 2010, I remember how we were allowed to pay a certain small amount to get bread from the resort and proceed to feed the fish swimming around in the beach.

Is it hard to imagine you were ever as small as a 1-2 year old? Yeah, I definitely feel that way sometimes.

What set the tone for your mood today? Eh, I wouldn’t say I had an overall mood today, honestly. It was a normal day at work, maybe a little more uneventful than other days; and I was on top of my tasks so there wasn’t anything to dread or worry about. I was just concentrated on getting the day over with and wasn’t strongly attached to any emotion.

Have you ever set out to ruin someone else's day? I don’t think so.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was against you? It happens sometimes.

The name of the last video game you played? Mario Kart 8 probably? It’s been a while but it’s all I play if I do play a video game, so it’s a safe guess.

The name of the last board game that you played? We whipped out my old box of Trivial Pursuit last November when we didn’t have electricity and internet because of the typhoon.

What was the last thing that you told yourself? I don’t remember the last time I talked to myself, but like two minutes ago I was starting to feel sad so I silently reminded myself to think of positive things.

How many times a day do you wash your face? At least once, in the morning before I start work. I’ve learned that cleaning myself up, even if it’s just splashing water on my face, super helps if I want to start working in a good mood.

Do you remember your D.A.R.E. officer's name? I didn’t have one of those, anddd I’m sure we didn’t have that program here.

Someone throws hot coffee on you; how do you react? It’s taken me a whole goddamn week to finish this survey, lels. Anywho... I think out of instinct I would scream out in extreme agony first? And I’d probably spend the first immediate seconds to try and process what just happened. I don’t know if I would fight back because I’m pretty sure the burns would be hurting too badly for me to focus on revenge.

Is there a high school or college that you would rather be attending? I attended one school from kindergarten to college, and I can’t imagine having attended anywhere else. I had one dream university and I ended up attending it.

Have you ever lived in an apartment or duplex home? Yes, both. My parents lived in an apartment for a few months when I was a newborn. From ages 2-10 I lived in my childhood home, which is actually a duplex. The other house belongs to my grandpa’s late sister and her family.

Has anyone ever commented on your weight? Sure, but I care so little about my weight that they don’t really have an effect on me. The most common one I get is to “eat more.”

Where do you stand when it comes to sexual intercourse? Erm not really lmao. Just do it?? Idk. And just make sure consent is mutual and that you aren’t doing it out of pressure.

Name a show from the 90's that you miss? I guess ‘miss’ is the wrong word since I never watched it while it was ongoing, but I do love Friends. I’m excited to see what they have planned for the reunion episode.

Who provokes your sarcastic side the most? Bad co-workers, but luckily I haven’t had to pull that side of me in a while.

Have you ever thought about joining the military? Never.

When you were little, did you ever stare at disabled or "different" people? Being a kid, I probably did but never thought anything of it during those times. My mom certainly would’ve whooped my ass if I tried to comment anything mean or be a smartass.

Could the contents of your bedroom get you in any trouble? The one thing that would piss my mom off are my vape pens. I still have Gab-related stuff in my room that I’m too lazy to throw out, but I doubt I will get into trouble from those anymore because there has been no relationship to speak of in the last four months.

Do weather patterns sometimes have an effect on your health? Not on my health, but on my mood.

If it snows a lot where you live, do you experience cabin fever? It doesn’t, so idk what this would feel like.

When was the last time someone disapproved of something you were doing? Not entirely sure; this hasn’t happened in a while. Admittedly, as a people pleaser, I thrive on doing what people would want me to do lol.

How good are you at getting along with other people? On a scale of 1 to 10, probably a 9? I’m super nice to everyone and in the end it only really boils down to whether I have chemistry with them or not. If I fail to feel comfortable around someone I’m more likely to stay formal, but I do try to be lively and crack jokes with everyone as much as I can.

Do you consider yourself to be approachable? I want to be and I always try to come off as such, but my resting bitchface hurts that chance sometimes haha.

Do you know anyone that's a little emotionally unstable? Uhm, no one comes to mind.

Have you ever felt like you were going out of your mind? Yes.

Has anyone ever suggested that you might need "help"? I don’t recall being told this by anyone before. But with the way I broadcast my anxiety and sadness from time to time, I’m sure people have thought of it.

Do you take offense to things easily? Yeah you can say that. I’ve always been more sensitive than most.

How do you respond to cheesy pick-up lines? As with any pick-up line, I inwardly roll my eyes and move on.

Do you like to give people a taste of their own medicine? It’s such a waste of time and energy for the most part, so no. But if I feel petty, I have no problem doing it.

How was the service at the last restaurant you visited? It was...fine. Nothing to write home about. It was unlimited Korean barbecue and they actually had a system in place where they gave us a link to some internal website they kept, and we could simply order from there to minimize contact with the servers. I will say that I never got the kimchi jjigae I had ordered, but it was fine because I was full by then lmao.

Are you ever jealous of happy couples? No. I mean, I guess I’m reminded of my loneliness when I see couples in public, but I don’t get jealous or angry. I just shake it off and try to focus on myself.

Describe a thought that is sticking with you today? That I can’t wait for Friday.

Lately, who has spent the most time on your mind? I’ve been thinking more of my anxieties than certain people, tbh.

In a car: air conditioning, or roll the windows down? Air conditioning. Though sometimes it’s nice to have the windows down, especially when I’m driving within my village or up a mountain.

When was the last time you did anything to your playlist? I made an angst-themed playlist over the weekend.

Is there a new song or band you've discovered? Massive Attack. Hayley Williams did a super great cover of their song Teardrop, so I checked out the original version which I also ended up enjoying. Olivia Rodrigo too, who I found out is part Filipino yay!

Which teacher gives you the most homework? My Journalism Ethics professor will probably rank the highest on this list.

What type of personality do you find most annoying? Idk, condescending ones maybe? There are a million kinds of personalities lol, but yeah I hate those who make you feel dumb, and feel good about doing so.

How did you hear about Bzoink? If my memory serves me correctly, my 10 year old self just wanted empty about me surveys to answer. Bzoink was always one of the first websites to come out if I searched for surveys on Google.

How long did it take you to sign up for an account - if you have one? I don’t think I ever made an account on there since I was too shy to share my answers.

Are you punctual? Yes, very.

Have you ever howled at the full moon? No.

Have you ever seen yourself on camera? Like if I’ve seen photos of myself??? I would be very surprised if anyone can say they haven’t.

Do you give any consideration to what's said in your horoscope? No.

When was the last time you felt like you were being followed? This has never happened before, thankfully.

#survey #surveys

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peace-coast-island · 3 years

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Diary of a Junebug

Cozy knits, cardamom donuts, and turtledove butterflies

There's something so warm and inviting about hand knitted stuff. Maybe I'm biased because I'm a knitter, but there's really something special about knitting things. With needles and yarn, the possibilities are endless!

This gyroid event is a cozy knitwear theme, a collaboration between Daisy Jane, Tiffani, and Rowan. Collecting gyroids around the camp has been putting me in the mood to knit again, specifically a big project.

It's been years since I've made a sweater but I really feel like making one. Sweaters tend to be a hit or miss with me, which is why I rarely make them. Measurements aren't my strong suit but they're a big deal if you're making clothes. Constant counting as well because you have to make sure you have the exact amount of stitches or else everything's off. Also, it takes commitment to make a sweater, even a simple one, so that's another reason why I stick to simple projects like scarves.

I'm in the process of looking up simple sweater patterns so let's see how long this spark of motivation lasts. Making a sweater can be frustrating and time consuming, but it really is rewarding when it's finally finished.

Tiffani and Rowan are here with us at the camp to join in on the event as well as take a well deserved vacation. I feel like it's been forever since I've seen either one - Tiffani had dropped by the camp a couple years ago while Rowan's been out and about traveling the world. It was a pleasant surprise to find out that they've been working on gyroid designs with Daisy Jane.

I'm glad to see many entourage members thriving, especially after things went downhill with the university. Tiffani started her own fashion line called Stellar where everything's ethically made and a good portion of the proceeds go to charities that help abuse victims. Being a survivor of child abuse, Tiffani puts a lot of time and effort to use her influence to spread awareness and resources to help those who need it.

Rowan, a figure skater, is the co-founder of Stellar. He too grew up in an abusive household and is also an activist for abuse victims as well as the trans community. He's got an interesting story, one of victory as he and a couple friends were responsible for taking down a corrupt fashion design label.

In fact, he's working on a memoir tentatively titled "How I Destroyed Traynor's By Being Super Fake". The title alone sounds like an interesting read. People have approached him for years about writing a book, something he was considering as he had a lot to say about his father and stepmother. By now enough time has passed that his ex-family are beyond caring so he can freely talk about them without dealing with their associates threatening him.

Rowan always had a complicated relationship with his father. His mother died of cancer when he was ten and he never forgave his father for not letting him say goodbye to her. Not too long after that Wilfred married his mistress Caitlin and Rowan gained two step-siblings, Portia and Chad. Wilfred and Caitlin created Traynor's Fashion, an elite luxury label that developed quite a reputation.

Growing up in that household was torture for Rowan, so he left as soon as he could. He found solace in ice skating, an activity he and his mom bonded over. Rowan practiced for hours while his so-called family mocked him and eventually his efforts led to him getting a scholarship with a shot at a career in competitive figure skating.

Unfortunate circumstances and burnout forced Rowan to go back home, where he was known as the loser who couldn't kick it in the real world. Determined to get out, Rowan tried to work his way up in Traynor's, only to remember that hard work at a place like that won't get him anywhere, especially for someone like him. Rowan considered fashion design as a backup if figure skating didn't work out, but Traynor's was the absolute last place he wanted to start over. He only stayed for a few months before getting kicked out because of Portia and Chad.

Rowan would’ve been broke and homeless if it weren’t for aspiring fashion designers Victor, Ella, and Michele. The three were screwed over by Traynor’s and were trying to put together evidence to bring the company down. Victor used to work there before getting thrown under the bus in order for the company to save face. If it wasn't for that alone, Victor would've quit anyway because of the toxic environment and questionable ethics. Michele, another fashion designer, had her career end before it even started when Portia and Chad stole her work and accused her of plagiarism. Ella was the founder of Fairytale Castle, a small fashion company that ended up shutting down because friends of Wilfred and Caitlin were sent to harass her and sabotage her designs.

With Rowan on their side, exposing Traynor’s corruption became a reality. By disguising himself as a snooty fashion designer named Creighton Adcock, Rowan was able to infiltrate the studio. He wore a ridiculous getup and sported an exaggerated English accent - the more fake he came across, the more believable he was. It was pure torture, having to pander to his so-called family but it was so totally worth it.

The big expose took place on an important night for Traynor's and overnight the company fell. Spite and revenge had never been sweeter. Most of the employees as well as Rowan's ex-family were stacked with numerous charges like harassment, assault, embezzling, tax evasion, unethical practices, etc - they got what they deserved. Of course, there was backlash but once that died down, Rowan and the others were ready to move on.

Rowan went back to ice skating, though more for performance than competition - which was the reason why he almost quit in the first place. While posing as Creighton, Rowan had to sit through some shit, so to unwind, he would go out to the ice rink. Being on the ice made him realize how much he missed skating, though not the competition part. Rowan always says he's more of a performer than a competitor - the latter being the reason why he almost gave up because it took away the fun for him.

As for fashion, he does some design on the side like Tiffani. Then the two got together and launched Stellar earlier this year. He considers his relationship with fashion design as a sort of love-hate thing. For obvious reasons Rowan grew to resent it, especially when his father tried to force him into the business. He didn't hate it entirely, but when it's associated with people who failed to give you a good upbringing, it's hard to separate the two. Though since meeting Jamie and going back to skating, Rowan's slowly stepping back into the fashion design world after being on the fence about it for so long.

Joining forces with Tiffani and starting Stellar was unexpected. The partnership just came together and before they knew it, they were coming up with a bunch of ideas together. I honestly was surprised to hear from Jamie that Rowan was working on fashion designs. Then Stellar launched not too long after and it's actually been kinda therapeutic for Rowan and Tiffani.

I'm glad that both of them are out there living their best lives, far, far away from their abusers - most of whom are in jail, thankfully. They got lucky and after what they've been through, they want to do whatever they can to help other abuse victims. They're the kind of people who keep their word and they actively work to make the world a better place. No performative bullshit here.

Tiffani and Rowan have been here for a couple days now, enjoying the camp and all its lovely scenery. We've been collecting knit gyroids around the camp and checking in with OK Motors. Rowan had some car trouble so it was lucky that it managed to survive the long trip from Peace Coast to here. Since his car's pretty old, the repairs will take a while, which he doesn't mind. Beppe's also throwing in a free paint job so the car will be like new once it's finished.

Yesterday we went to the mountain trail, where not only we found gyroids, but also turtledove butterflies. They only show up around this time and after three years, I finally got to see them! I hardly venture around these parts because it's kinda out of the way but now I'm slowly expanding my horizons.

Turtledove butterflies are such majestic creatures. From the way they flutter about, their soft blue and white patterned wings contrasting nicely with the mountain view - like straight out of a lovely painting!

There's so much around the camp that I have yet to explore, I hope one day I'll know these places like the back of my hand.

Along the way and back we collected gyroids. Crafting gyroid furniture is always fun, seeing what kind of stuff we can make from them. I love the cozy knitwear aesthetic so much, it's easily one of my favorite themes! Tiffani, Rowan, and Daisy Jane did an amazing job with the designs. Given how much fun they had with the planning, there's likely going to be a second collaboration in the future, which I'm definitely looking forward to.

In between collecting gyroids and camp activities, we also got into knitting. That's why I've been in a knitting mood again. Rowan just learned how to knit last year and it's his new favorite hobby. He made a pair of leg warmers that look super snazzy, Tiffani's working on a cute beanie, Daisy Jane got started on a pretty lace scarf, and I just finished with a beaded headband.

Now I'm looking for sweater patterns and I already have some saved. Since I'm rusty with clothes, I'm sticking to something simple. The seed stitch ones are catching my eye as it's a simple pattern that looks nice, especially in pastel since that's what I've been into lately. Hopefully by tomorrow I have settled on a pattern so I can get started while I'm in the mood.

Today was a chill day where we stayed at the main camp. In between crafting, collecting, and camping, we baked donuts. I was kinda intimidated by donuts because it involves using the deep fryer but the whole process itself isn't too complicated. Making the dough was easy, using the deep fryer took some getting used to.

We made a bunch of different kinds - cardamom cream, apple cider, vanilla spice, and pumpkin pecan. The cardamom and vanilla ones are from Emilia Eats, the apple cider from Rustic Kitchen, and pumpkin pecan from Calico Bakery. They're all great, though if I had to choose, my favorite would be the cardamom cream. Pumpkin pecan comes a close second.

Since the donuts were a hit, we're thinking of baking cookies next. Tiffani wants to try out a black sesame recipe, Daisy Jane bookmarked a maple hazelnut recipe, Rowan has his eye on chocolate chip cheesecake cookies, and I always wanted to try earl grey shortbread.

Right now, we're enjoying donuts while knitting and crafting gyroids. Rowan's really becoming a pro at knitting as he wants to take on cables next. I kinda have a love-hate relationship with cables - they look good but take a bit of effort. I'll admit I haven't quite mastered them yet as I can't do a simple cable without having to refer to a pattern as a reference.

Warm, cozy knitwear and fresh baked goods - it doesn't get any better than that!

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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omgshecodes · 4 years

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“I wish I could talk and pause at the same time.”

***********************

DISCLAIMER: With the following passages, I do not intend to discredit or belittle any of the emotional, reactionary behavior of the black community. I see where they are coming from, as I do have plenty of racist experiences on my back, too, and I couldn’t hold my emotions a lot of times, too. And yet, as of right now, it’s obviously still easier for me to speak up on this matter as someone distant who isn’t directly affected right now. I think I just try desperately to react in a more composed manner, with a scheme, because if everyone would react with emotions instead of reason, where would we go from here? I just really, really hope that my effort to encourage folks to pause for a second and allow themselves the time to do their research doesn’t make me sound “privileged”, as if I’m saying in between the lines that I can afford it from a non-black person’s stand. As I said, I may not be black, but being a covered Muslim woman requires me to be reactionary a lot of times, too. I don’t see it’s a matter of time, but a matter of long-dated plan. Correct me if I’m wrong.

***********************

Not an hour later after I shared my frustration about the current atmosphere on instagram (our community in particular) in my stories, my 5 y/o kid happened to actually put into words what I couldn’t. I was just in the kitchen doing stuff as he suddenly was like: „Gosh, mommy, you know I’m so in the mood to talk right now.“ I thought it was so funny that, and how, he said that, so I encouraged him thereafter and said he should just talk then, but then he was like: „But I want to pause, too. I wish I could talk and pause at the same time.“ And oh my God, I’ve felt that!!!

Different story, but too often he happened to speak what resides in my mind and heart into existence with such simplicity, as if our minds were connected and while I oftentimes fail to find the right words, he succeeds in finding the most simple for this matter.

Anyway, the way he put it not only made the point I couldn’t make, but he made me realize that my frustration stem from social media’s reactionary, unprogressive nature. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & co are so quick and fast and flooded with information, and you just wish to stay up-to-date and go with the flow and spread the word like crazy, but at the same time want to pause for a second and just breathe and allow yourself the time to do so.

You know, I’m usually someone who always tries to see both sides of the coin, and sometimes I struggle with building my own opinion because both sides appear reasonable to me, but you know what? That’s completely fine. Who even says that you always have to have one perfect opinion on everything? That’s the thing about social media, too. It expects you to be political and biased, but if you think about it, many opinions stem from hive mind, which again is shaped by mainstream media, anyway. And oftentimes, no one even cares about your opinion, or if you have one at all. You may not even care about my opinion, or the message I try to convey with this blogpost, and that’s okay. I don’t even know why I feel responsible for making a deal about this, but I just had to get it off my chest because I was so unsettled.

***Please note that I do not talk about forming an opinion on racism. In this matter, there is obviously no „opinion“ of course. Racism is what it is - absolutely incorrect and to be freaking cut off this world! But when I’m addressing opinions I rather address those that arise from judging people you don’t know according to their behavior on social media, and how this is affecting our community’s „domestic bliss“ right now.***

The way it seems now is as if neither saying something nor not saying anything at all is the right thing to do. I mean, I don’t even want to address what white folks seem to criticize regarding the looting and rioting because that affects the real world, and real-life emotions have been all over the place and I personally get the turmoil off social media, so hence I’m rather talking about what’s happening online.

It’s one thing to decide to share useful content such as spreading resources for your own research, for donating or how to go on about the „virtual protesting“ in general, but it’s another thing to fight with each other and spread more hate and contribute to a greater shxtstorm and dispute.

Pressure creates back pressure, and that’s that.

One person reached out to me and said how she got hate for emphasizing with accounts who didn’t say a word about what’s going on yet because you never know what they’re going through in life right now. In Islam, we have this saying that says you should make 70 excuses before judging your brother or sister, so I really felt where she was coming from. There’s just a mass cancelling call referring to accounts who still post code. Come on…seriously?

Then again I talked to Vonds, someone from the black community himself, and he analyzed the situation by saying that the core of this current cancelling culture is pretty much that certain folks choose to actively look away when they have seen the injustice, the killing, the wrong with their own eyes through all the shared videos, and in one of his latest posts (which you desperately need to read btw!) he reminded us of how social media got crazy over a freaking building like Notre-Dame. And that, I felt, too.

So if pages who usually are so outspoken on political matters and injustice and yet remain silent this time, yes, you should totally unfollow and boycott them because that is hypocrisy and exclusive/selected commitment at its finest. This includes public figures with a massive reach, too.

But then it’s still questions remaining like should you cut back on your ego and adjust your account completely and transform it into an activist account? Who, then, determines the right timing to „go back to normal“? Is there even the right timing? Would you be allowed to go back and forth between spreading the word and continuing your account as usual? Isn’t this confusing and dissembling? You may see what I mean when I said I can’t deal with the fragility of the moment when addressing the bad happening in the world and why I usually choose to remain silent online.

I feel like a right balance would be to leave the „major work“ to the activist pages, and you should support them in spreading the word, but why would you try to make-up your entire account?

We - people who get not only trigged but especially are affected by racism - may feel like the world stopped for a second and we want everyone else to hop on the „spread the word“ train with us. But for others it keeps spinning to the degree that they still need to take care of their family, pay their bills(so much for the people shaming those accounts who still uphold their brand deals) and just live their lives, but at the same time they might try their best off social media to make a change.

Don’t be so quick to judge and raise expectations. Perhaps they attend protests without you knowing, and you’re still spreading hate at them not loosing a word. Could it possibly be the case that a big account has been dead for a while w/o your notice, and now imagine this person coming back to +50 dms naming and shaming him for not giving a fxck?

Truth is you will never ever please everyone anyway, it’s that simple.

I just wish that we could respect each other’s decisions and opinions more because that’s the essence of a peaceful co-existence, isn’t it? We don’t know each other’s backgrounds, and we are little aware of how social media is mostly run by an American narrative, too, and that’s why the US mostly determines the online directory that occupies our minds which people on different continents may not even can relate to. (Again, I am not referring to racism!)

There’s been an iconic moment on a TV show where two women had a debate on the hijab, one of them wearing it, and the one who was against it was approaching her: „You know what, frankly speaking I personally don’t like you wearing that scarf on your head, but I will give my life that you can wear it freely and have your opinion on it.“ And to me, that is maturity.

I guess the bottom line of all this palaver is that I wish to create a broader understanding between parties and decrease the hate, and especially to encourage you as a non-black person to allow yourself the needed time to process things, do your research and form your opinion/decision on how you wish to proceed on- and offline. Just because social media is so reactionary and fast, and information is just one click away doesn’t mean your brain has to adapt and follow, let alone manages to do that in first place. Be wise and clever enough not to just act for the sake of acting and pleasing the crowd. Let the peak of emotions subside before you proceed, but act and proceed at all. You owe that to our black brothers and sisters. Tim Ferriss’ post really puts that perfectly, thank you for pointing that out to me John!

Just think about it, when did you ever hold a conversation or a discussion with someone and you told the other person „Hey, I need to think about what you said first, I’ll get back at you later.“? These days we speak for the sake of speaking to fill the silence, but even more so do we listen with the intention and dire need to respond. We need to learn to consume slowly while being exposed to a constant stream of information.

Even this clutter of thoughts isn’t meant to build your opinion. It is just what it is, a fragment of ideas in the midst of chaos. Form an opinion on the cancel culture, or just don’t. But what you definitely should do is remain a good character and do what you can do make this world a better place. And the thing we can do the least is getting educated on the matters revolving around black folks and supporting them in ways that reconcile with our means, whatever they may look like. Just keep in mind that each one may have a different means which you don’t know about, and that way you will be less likely to judge so quickly and contribute to spreading hate.

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you-guys--are-losers · 5 years

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Your version of the upside down Spidey kiss? :)

//Ooh, yes! I know that I have gotten multiple requests for this prompt, so excited to finally write it!

By the way, if anyone knows who originally created the art below, please let me know! I can’t seem to find who it is and I want to give credit. ;)

A Bit Tangled Up

Summary: When the opportunity presents itself, MJ decides to try her hand at the classic “Spider-Man” kiss.

Warnings: Language, Second-Hand Embarrassment ;)

Word Count: 3,281

Characters: Michelle Jones x Peter Parker

“Did you know that there’s a species of ant named after Manhattan?”

MJ’s question reaches Peter’s ear through his headset, and he can practically picture her face as she says it. She’s probably leaning back in her worn desk chair, peering at the laptop that rests on top of her crossed legs. That’s the position he most often finds her in, after all, when he returns to her quiet room in Queens after a night of patrolling. It’s peaceful, really, to know what to expect when he comes back, and the reminder is sort of nice.

At least, it would be if he weren’t trying to fight off three different amateur thieves at once.

“Couldn’t have picked a better time, MJ,” Peter responds, his voice slightly flustered as he dodges one poorly-aimed shot, then another.

The man holding the gun appears confused, and his brow furrows beneath the stupid ski-mask he is wearing. “What did you say, asshole?” the man snaps. Though Peter can tell he’s trying to sound gruff, there is an uncertain undertone in his voice.

Peter glances up to focus on him, pausing in his task of selecting a web from Karen. “I wasn’t talking to you. It’s rude to listen in on other peoples’ conversations, man.” With that, Peter sends a taser web his way, and the man’s body spasms before he drops to the ground.

“They found it in Manhattan, and they realized that they hadn’t seen the species before.” MJ’s nonchalant voice enters his ear again, causing a mixed wave of amusement and exasperation to wash over Peter. “Guess what they named it?”

“Um…” Peter’s mind scrambles to try to figure it out as he continues in his task.

One of the other men makes a grab for the fallen gun, which Peter easily webs into his own hand. “Hey, man, really? Taking someone else’s toys isn’t cool.” Peter takes the opportunity to web the man to the ground.

MJ’s voice resumes in Peter’s headset. “Don’t want to alarm you or anything, but there’s a stacked guy like three times your height with a meat cleaver on your left.”

Now, it’s Karen who is speaking in Peter’s ear. “Activate Trochanter Protocol?”

“Go for it. Thanks, Karen,” Peter pants. As he turns, four sets of massive, iron legs erupt from the suit, smacking away the attacker with so much force that the man is flung across the alleyway. “The Big Ant-ple?”

“Come on, Bug Boy, I’m disappointed in you.”

“It’s not exactly the best time,” Peter points out as he turns to face his fallen foe.

“How do you expect to handle decathlon if you can’t perform under pressure?” He can hear a hint of amusement in her voice now, and Peter grins as the guy pulls out a knife and charges him.

“I think I’ll manage,” he responds, raising an eyebrow. Peter raises the legs threateningly, but he makes no move to charge the thug. Instead, he allows his attacker to come to him. When the man is inches away, Peter reacts with lightning-fast reflexes. He grabs the knife between two fingers, using his super-strength to stop the blade in its tracks.

Peter watches as the man, who is still holding the blade, blanches behind the ski mask. “Hey, man, have you ever stuck a fork in an outlet?” Peter questions.

The thug’s eyes widen, but that’s all the warning Karen needs. An electrical charge leaves the fingertips of Peter’s suit, traveling through the blade and then to Peter’s attacker, flowing through his body. Peter allows the charge to flow through his body for a few seconds before letting go. The man falls to the ground, and the blade clatters to the pavement.

“I haven’t, no, but I did make a sculpture involving a fork and a toaster to illustrate the delicate balance between genius and insanity. Does that count?” Peter might be imagining it, but he could swear that MJ’s voice is slightly more relaxed now that he is out of danger.

“I mean, your brain isn’t fried,” Peter reasons, “so I don’t think so. But I appreciate the effort.”

Now that the three are down, there isn’t such a dire need for speed. However, Peter does want to be out of here before the authorities arrive, so he is swift in webbing the cleaver and the gun to the wall.

Once he has finished, Peter leaps into the air, attaching his web to the antenna on top of one of the buildings nearby. Once he has shot up into the air, it is easy swinging, and Peter begins to take the familiar route to MJ’s room.

“ManhattAnt.”

Peter furrows his brow against the cold as he swings into the quiet of MJ’s street. “What did you just say?”

“ManhattAnt. What they named the species of ant.”

A snort escapes Peter as he spots her apartment building. “You’re kidding,” he responds as he lands on the roof of the shorter building next to hers. The gravel shifts slightly beneath his feet, but he stays completely steady as he spots her window, which is eye level with him. Peter shoots a thin stream of web towards her window, nowhere near strong enough to carry him. It is just enough for a little “thunk” to be heard.

There is a rustling of lavender curtains, and a moment later, the window opens. MJ slides the glass pane all the way up, raising an eyebrow. Peter can’t keep his heart from skipping a beat when he sees her. Her messy curls are pulled up into a loose bun, and she’s wearing those glasses with the thick black rims that Peter secretly loves.

“Do you really think I would joke about something this serious, Parker?” MJ prods, raising an eyebrow. “Come on in. I’ve got your glass of bug spray waiting for you.”

MJ moves away from the window, making it easy for Peter to make the quick leap onto her building and to slide in through the window. From there, Peter drops onto her floor and slides the window shut before turning to face her room.

As much as Peter loves coming back to his house, he thinks that MJ’s might be his favorite place to be after patrol. The soft, comforting gray of her walls paired with her gentle salt lamps and the abundance of activist posters, sweet-smelling teas, and comfortable places to sit make her room the perfect contrast to the overstimulating city he spends his nights defending.

It’s not often that he comes here. Normally, she joins Ned in Peter’s room, but Ned had to go on a family trip tonight, so here they are. Peter is perfectly alright with that… In fact, maybe a little bit too alright. He’s been trying to keep the thought out of his mind, but lately, when he’s found out he’s going to be spending time alone with MJ, Peter hasn’t felt the least upset.

In fact, Peter might look forward to spending alone time with his other best friend a little bit too much.

MJ has seated herself in her spinning chair again, though her laptop rests on her bed now as she turns to face him. The chair is still spinning slightly, and one of her legs, clad in Ravenclaw sweatpants, dangles loose. Peter can see a pair of fuzzy socks poking out from under the pants, and for some reason, a twinge of fondness enters him.

“It’s lavender tonight,” she hums, gesturing to a mug perched on the edge of her desk beside a plate of pumpkin bread. She’s holding a mug of what Peter can tell is the same tea.

The warm ceramic feels good in Peter’s hand, even through the suit. Peter lifts up the bottom of his mask in order to sip it, and he lets out a hum as the warm liquid washes down his parched throat. “Is anyone home?” he asks, curious about how soon he has to leave.

“Not tonight,” MJ replies. “Mom took Sonny to see a movie for his birthday, so- did you just drink that whole thing?”

Peter’s mechanical white eyes widen over the now-empty mug, and he offers a sheepish shrug as he sets down the burgundy mug. “It was good,” he defends. “Sweet.”

“That’s because I put a shit-ton of honey in it, loser,” she retorts as he moves on to the pumpkin bread, scarfing it down nearly as fast. “You know, that’s only supposed to work on flies. Not spiders.”

“Sugar is sugar,” Peter replies through the last bit of pumpkin bread, setting down the plate.

“And you take your tea like juice,” MJ responds, settling back in her seat. She takes another sit before adding, “I think you finished that in under a minute.”

“Thanks, MJ,” Peter responds, pulling his mask back down. “Seriously. I know you don’t have to do any of this.”

“Please, Parker. I’d much rather sit on the headset than actually do my homework. We both know that I live to watch Flash’s face when I finish it in ten minutes.”

“You know, one of these days he’s going to figure out that you just memorize the answers that you write out beforehand,” Peter points out, reclining against the wall.

“But it’s so much more fun to let him think I’m a robot,” MJ replies, arching an eyebrow. She sets her half-full mug on her desk, then, peering at him. “So was it a good night, then? All in all? Or did having my genius on the other side of the headset distract you?”

Under her gaze, Peter’s skin seems to crawl beneath the suit. He takes a breath then, glancing towards the window. Suddenly, Peter is in possession of more nervous energy than he knows what to do with, and he needs to move or be consumed on it. Peter turns to her wall, allowing his fingers to stick to it, then unstick.

“Yeah,” he says, trying for nonchalance. “I mean, I got the bad guys, you know? All in a day’s work.” Peter sticks his fingers to the wall again, beginning to climb effortlessly. At least, this way, his back is turned towards her. And besides, he’s done this sort of thing with her and with Ned before while hanging out. It isn’t that weird.

MJ lets out an amused puff of air, raising an eyebrow. “You’re not good at that part, Parker.”

By then, Peter has reached the ceiling of her room, where he is suspended by his fingers and the tips of his toes. Peter peers at her, upside down, and his white eyes on the mask widen conspicuously. “I- What?” Peter stammers. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

MJ leans back in the chair, peering at him over the rims of the glasses he likes so much. “That part of superhero-ing,” MJ hums, arching an eyebrow as amusement creeps into her tone. “The part where you have to act all cool and humble and pretend you don’t care.”

“Pfft, I… What?” Peter’s voice rises to the point of almost cracking near the end of the statement, and he allows a thin stream of web to attach him to her ceiling so that he can slowly lower himself, suspended. “I don’t– What are you talking about? I don’t do that-”

“You do, Parker, and you suck at it.” MJ tucks a stray strand of hair away from her face with long, slender fingers, a little motion that succeeds in further erasing every logical thought from Peter’s mind. “It’s alright, though.”

Peter lets out a sharp breath, struggling to control his mess of flustered emotions. Just when he thinks he might have himself at a manageable level of stupidity, though, she says the one thing that could possibly take him right back to square one.

“It’s pretty cute.”

Everything that follows happens so fast. Peter has lost control over everything– including his webbing.

The strands suspending him to the ceiling release, sending him falling sharply. In an effort to keep himself from falling, Peter shoots his web back towards the ceiling, but he is falling at an angle. His efforts at securing himself accomplish two things: one, they actually secure him, and two, Peter succeeds in trapping himself in a tangled cocoon of web.

Maybe this is some sort of twisted karma, Peter reasons as he dangles six feet above MJ’s floor. If this is what every single bad guy he’s webbed feels like, then he understands why they all seem so pissed off. But Peter doesn’t have much time to explore that thought, because at the moment there is only one subject that is pushing itself to the forefront of his mind.

MJ.

MJ thinks he’s cute. Or does she? Wait– did she only mean that his attempt at humility was cute, and not the rest of him? Maybe she had been making fun of him, the way that they always did, as a part of their banter. But then why would she say that, of all things?

And more importantly, why had it had such an effect on him?

As the thoughts about MJ dance around Peter’s mind, he forgets to think about one terribly, crucially important detail: MJ herself. It is not until the webbing turns him towards the desk chair that Peter realizes his mistake. Because MJ is not curled up at her desk with a computer perched in her lap, sipping at tea.

Instead, she is standing from her chair with a slight smirk on her lips, and she is taking a step towards him.

“Um, MJ, I-I…” Peter stammers, sure that his cheeks are the color of his suit beneath the Iron Spider mask. “That was totally intentional. Definitely. And, um, if you could maybe just help me-”

“You want to come down from your cocoon?” MJ prods, her eyes glimmering with a wicked sort of amusement. “Well, it looks like you’ve got yourself in a tangle. I could just leave you here, you know… I mean, I’ve had weirder things hanging in my room before than a Spiderboy. ”

Peter winces. “Right. Bug puns. Um…” Peter is having a hard time focusing, however, because even upside-down, his best friend is the prettiest girl he has ever seen. And right now, dangling at eye-level with her, he has no way of looking away from the deep brown eyes that seem to pore into him from behind her glasses lenses.

She’s his friend, one of his best friends. He can’t be feeling this way about her– what if she doesn’t feel the same?

“Peter, your heartbeat is reaching an alarming rate,” Karen’s voice says loudly in his ear. “Would you like me to call May Parker and inform her that-”

“No, don’t do that!” Peter exclaims. The words are frantic, panicked as they tear themselves from his lips. MJ stops in her tracks, eyes widening slightly. There is confusion in them now, and Peter is even more flustered than he was before.

“Parker, are you okay?” MJ says slowly. “I was kidding, but if you need me to help you down, I can-”

“No,” he interrupts immediately, blinking rapidly. “No, it’s not you, I wasn’t talking to… Um…” Words are flitting through his mind too fast to say, creating a buzz that is only more distracting. MJ is frozen now, and she seems just as unsure about what to do as he is.

“Look, MJ, I…” Peter struggles for words, his heart hammering wildly in his chest. “I wasn’t expecting you to say… That.”

MJ blinks once, then twice. Then, however, a little smile tugs at the corner of her lips. It’s hesitant, and it’s shy, but it’s unmistakable. “You didn’t expect me to tell you that you were cute.”

So she did mean it that way, then. She meant that he was cute, and she’d said it to him. And of course Peter had panicked like a dork, and now there was no hope of recovering his pride from this.

But maybe he can rein it in. Maybe if he says something profound, or smooth, he can get this situation back in his favor…

“Um… Nope.”

Getting those two measly words out takes more energy than fighting off all three of the men had.

MJ’s smirk returns, and she shakes her head slightly. For a moment, there is quiet between them, and then a quiet laugh leaves her. Peter stiffens at the sound, but when it washes over him, his whole body relaxes. One laugh, then another, and then she turns her gaze to the ceiling as if she is searching for words.

“You are,” she informs him with mirth-filled eyes, “such a…”

“Loser.”

Peter doesn’t have to wait to know the proper term. Beneath the mask, a lopsided grin of his own twists his mouth. When he finishes her sentence, those dark, playful eyes come to meet his own, upside down. However, the moment that their eyes meet, something in the mood shifts.

MJ’s grin fades, and so does Peter’s own. For a moment, Peter forgets the stupidity of the situation he is in. He is too busy being wrapped up in the web that is MJ, in her sharp quips and her wicked smirks and her deep, dark eyes.

All amusement drains out of MJ’s face as she straightens herself up, blinking at him from across the space that divides them. For a moment, the air between them feels electric, and Peter is frozen in her current.

Then, MJ takes a step towards him. Another, and another, and Peter is frozen in place, upside down as she increases their proximity. MJ’s feet bring her closer to him, so close that Peter can’t breathe.

And then, MJ’s face is so close that their foreheads are almost touching. Peter is close enough to count her dark lashes, to study every twist of her thick curls, to memorize the rise and fall of her cupid’s bow. His heart pounds out of control, but now Karen has the good sense to stay quiet.

A tangled mess of emotions sweeps over Peter: awe, panic, hope, the works. They simmer together and bubble over, pouring out of his lips as a stammered, “MJ, you-”

“Shh,” MJ hums. Her dark eyes seem to scour the mechanical eyes of the mask, and slowly, her fingers rise to brush against the line of his jaw. Peter doesn’t realize what she is doing until she has lifted the mask, gathering it to just below his nose. Peter draws in a sharp breath as the cool air washes over the lower half of his face.

MJ’s fingers, soft and cool, brush against the corner of his lips, and a shiver goes down Peter’s spine. This close, MJ smells like lemon and lavender tea, and her soft, cooling touch is enough to send his skin tingling. His lips part slightly to speak, though Peter is not sure what he plans to say.

A long, slender finger comes to rest on Peter’s lips. MJ raises an eyebrow at him through the mask, her eyes meeting his own. “Shut up, loser,” she breathes, and then her eyes flutter shut. Before Peter can disobey her, MJ closes the distance, bringing her lips to rest atop his own.

MJ’s hands rise to cradle his face, and she arches her back as their lips move together. Peter is not sure how long they remain their, lips moving, exploring in the quiet of MJ’s room.

All he knows is that MJ tastes like honey, and now Peter understands why a creature would be willing to take its last breath in hope of just one taste.

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abnvrmals · 4 years

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Below the cut is my list of muses and their reactions to the ancients event starting tomorrow. That being said, if any of their reactions interest you, or give you ideas, please reach out to me. I will be starting some event threads tomorrow, but you know. I guess this is a bit of a starter call, too.

Vihaan - Does not give a fuck about anything or anyone beyond his sister.

Frankie - Anxious, worried about what it going to happen to others and the people she cared about in town. Feels a nagging persistence toward the ancient pull but tries to denies it. Self isolates anyway.

Santiago - Fucking, THRILLED. Making deals all during the event, hit up ya boi and offer him something real nice.

Coyne - Because of his history, is more susceptible to the pull of the ancients and is under their control for the moment. This is subject to change, especially where Eloise is involved.

Anver - Not effected, fighting for the town.

Asta - Not effected, fighting for the town.

Margeaux - Not effected, fighting for the town.

Alexander - Not effected, doesn’t care about anything other than what happens to Boston, the gallery, and Apollo.

Gen - Not effected, offering protection for anyone who might be interested, especially Bash and his family, whoever may extend through them. Secretly, doesn’t understand the objection to death, but sympathizes with peoples feelings.

Esme - Effected, stresses out in the very beginning until she becomes lucid and entirely compliant under the control of the ancients.

Lucien - Effected, feels a strong pull to join the ancients but continues to fight against them. Prone or likely to snap and lose the fight, succumbing to their control.

Juliette - Not effected, joining the efforts for both protection and fighting.

Soren - Not effected, but feels this is a war that he is not indebted to. Only fighting for the town out of obligation to Freya and the strange sense of always needing to prove himself worthy of his godship after the loss of his arm.

Levi - Effected, but more like a illness. Spending his time holed up on the farm, likely alone, trying to keep himself together or feel better somehow.

Oceane - Not effected, offers protection for her people, and her wolves only. The exception to this rule is those closest to her, and is fighting only when the war may come for her, or one of hers.

Kalea - Uneffected, creating a shelter inside the restaurant with her husband and other creatures/deities, etc.

Liah - Effected, under the control of the ancients. Spends the majority of the event shifted, as directly by her blood line, but available for threads when distance is placed between her and her ancient.

Tyella - Uneffected, the control needed for her songs and abilities combined with the protective magic that has been set on the shop has allowed her to maintain composure. Open to protection, and fighting.

Dyonisa - Uneffected and amused, for the most part. She’s probably picked somewhere with a good view to drink wine, watch, and judge. Unless someone who matters request she actually do something, in which case she is slitting the throats of those that have caused her this stress and inconvience.

Devon - Effected, Under complete ancient control. Part of her enjoys this, as a wolf that has always been packless, this makes her feel like she finally belongs. She’s going to have a REAL HARD time with this when she comes out of it.

Remi - Mildly inconvenienced, like a headache and avoidance of dying. His deity is providing extra names and hints, so he is moving around a lot and attempting to combat things where he can.

Castor - OOF, complete ancient controlled and dangerous. Because of his past, he has become the perfect soldier for the ancients and they knew this, so they use him for some of the messier missions and never question his loyalty.

Jeromy - Effected, Under wavering control of the ancients but actively trying to fight it. As someone who enjoys fighting for the right reasons and is an activist, his heart is working over drive trying to get out from underneath the pull but it is hard being so recently turned.

Devya - THRIVING, but unaffected. Probably betting on what is going on with her siblings, or fighting with both sides for the fun of it.

Senna - Not effected, not fighting. He is, however, taking the time to do what not many else think of which is find a way to beat this. Spending most of his time researching magic, cures, wards of protection, anything that can help them banish or rid themselves of the ancients or the pull.

Faustus - Not effected, helping patch up the injured and taking in strays that don’t have protection. Turning the vet office into a make shift hospital.

Amelia - Not effected, also assisting Senna in looking for a “cure” or fix. Contacting Demeter dispute their longstanding feud in an attempt to help everyone through this.

Drew - Not effected, helping to fight for the town because that do be kind of pretty much his job.

Marlowe - Not effected, warding the FUCK out of the tattoo shop to keep her little family protected first and foremost, but ready to fight. Disappears here and there to go do so.

Milo - Not effected, not interested in helping anyone other than Ava, either.

Bria - Effected, as a taught witch her magic is borrowed and that comes from the ancients. She has made a deal with them to help her bring Theo back through awarding her more power for helping.

Bhavana - Not effected, thinks the ancients are a bunch of lil bitches, ready to throat punch them into oblivion and actively doing so.

Akari - Effected. Her usual trickery doesn’t often end in people being hurt or is not directly malicious. During this time, it has been turned up, manipulative and violent. Homegirl gonna be a little fucked up about it...but like low key, after.

Cheres - Not effected, and not in the mood. Probably protective if you can answer his riddles correctly or you happen to be his girl, otherwise no thank you. Still working as a messenger, so hit up ya boy to transport supplies and messages.

Rune - Not effected, but more than willing to fight, cause he likes that shit. Catch a bloody viking fucking shit up at every opportunity.

Luciana - Not effected, protecting matty and others at one of the shelters because she feels like this can be her redemption for letting everyone down in the circus and being too compliant.

Kiyan - Effected but unbothered. He enjoys the chaos and happily fights with the ancients. He’s also not going to apologize after so like, sorry not sorry.

Charmaine - Effected, Unser full control of the ancients. Her wolf lineage ties directly to one of them and she is unable to resist, or make any decisions of her own during this time. Probably definitely kills a few people. Whoops.

Tomas - Not effected, fights alongside Arya.

Navena - Not effected, and surprisingly enough she is fighting with the town. She aims to really get her hands dirty, as she was one praised as a matron of war in their religion. Possesses a stranger understanding that a few lives might need to be lost in order to save the rest of the innocent ones.

Tre- Uneffected, says shit like “they aren’t even my real dads” and essentially does whatever Sam is doing (because good dog) and probably doesn’t worry about much of anything.

Miles - Effected, but his love and concern for Fish save him. It is through that bond that he is able to overcome the pull of the ancients and instead never leaves Fish’s side. Really freaking distressed about this and probably has not really stopped crying.

Shivani - Not effected, on some cool blind ass warrior bullshit. Doesn’t help people fight but does help the fight the PULL.

Neels - Not effected, wants to kick an ancient in the dick but would probably BIG DIE. Kind of hanging out in one of the shelters and refusing to touch anyone or really get close to them because he doesn’t want to watch anyone else die.

Wes - Effected, completely under ancient control. Tasked with using his shape shifting to disrupt alliances, safe houses, and to try and convince people to just give in and join the ancients. Basically, a cult leader.

Quinn - Not effected. Chilling with their siblings, watching the whole thing play out, maybe getting involved here and there and really only for their few connections. Using this as a teaching moment because there is more to lust (like power and violence) than sex.

Tai - Effected, but fighting. Trying to keep himself from the pull but he can feel himself slipping. Very well aware that he will probably succumb to it and trying to find a way to stop himself.

#sdevent

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thesickpanda · 5 years

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What Do You Do When A Loved One Changes For the Worse?

For the past couple of weeks I have been having constant nightmares about a particular friend. He is on a self-destructive path and his harmful behaviours are affecting me and those around him.

My partner has insisted that I write this all down as a way to expunge it. It's going to be a while before I see my psychologist, so I guess a diary entry will have to do in the meantime.

Long story short, in the past 10 months, I have made some huge changes to how I relate to others. The extremely abridged version is that I was a doormat most of my life and came from a family of emotional bullies. They set the baseline for what was my normal and so I tended to find myself in very toxic friendships throughout my adult life. I put up with shit from other people that literally no one else would (I was often the only friend of these toxic people) and those relationships always ended horribly with me feeling like I was somehow the bad guy when I was the victim. It took many years of therapy and a lot of introspection to realise that. I acknowledged my own shortcomings and flaws and where I had contributed to the downfall of certain relationships. But equally, I let go of the guilt of ending relationships that were exploitative, manipulative and cruel. I finally understood that having personal boundaries was not only beneficial to me but also to those who would either intentionally or accidentally exploit me and my giving nature. The ultimate test came toward the end of last year when had to lay down some very firm boundaries with a close relative. We are still in communication, but now I decide when we talk and what we talk about. I've had to do this in order to protect us both. Interestingly, limiting exposure to her has been the best thing for the relationship, as we are now getting along better on the whole. I now know firsthand how important boundary setting is for the longevity of any relationship, especially the complicated ones.

I mention all this, because it started a process for me. I really took on board the advice of a Buddhist monk who told me to surround myself with wise people. I realised that some people in life were wholly negative influences. I'm talking about help rejecting complainers, emotional leeches and hapless drifters daydreaming through their own lives with nothing to give.

I have put up with so much shit from people over the years, it is not funny. I am now purging one-sided relationships that no longer serve me in any way. I'm perfectly willing and able to forgive people their flaws and faults if they are also counterbalanced with good traits. But so often I seem to have attracted people who are mean-spirited or haughty or completely unaware of their own crap and I just don't have the spoons to deal with those individuals anymore.

And herein lies the rub. It has, until recently, been an overwhelmingly positive experience for me to learn how to set my own boundaries and choose my friends more carefully. My last birthday celebration was a testament to that. I felt truly loved by the people who came to my little party and I felt seen and appreciated for who I really was. I want to be forging closer relationships with my true friends, those who have stuck by me and given back as much as I have given them. I'm fortunate to have good people in my life, but I haven't had as much time to dedicate to them because I was so busy pouring love into those aforementioned toxic relationships (which are often all-consuming). I'm changing that now, and it feels good.

But recently, it forced me to acknowledge something I have been steadfastly refusing to face up to. I have a friend in my life who I have known for well over a decade who has been troubling me a great deal over the past couple of years. I want to clarify that this friend is not a bad person. They are not toxic toward me in the way that other people have been. They are not deliberately trying to torment me, manipulate or exploit me. In fact, he has at times been exceptionally generous. He has trouble with expressing emotion so most of that generosity comes out in financial gestures, which complicates things. I'm disabled and unemployed and so I don't have any disposable income of my own. This friend knows that and has spoilt me with some really nice gifts over the years, as well bailing me out of financial hardship at critical times. In that regard, I owe him a lot. And that, in large part, has been why I have remained friends with him. I feel indebted. I've also stayed on in the relationship because I remember who they used to be. When we first met he was bright, switched on, optimistic and ambitious. He had goals and was brave and interested in the world around him. He came from a community of kind, loving people, many of whom I still call friends to this day. He surrounded himself with these people and even flew across oceans to International gatherings to be there with them. I saw so much potential and love in this person and I fell head over heels for him. I fall in love with people all the time. I see the best in them and want the best for them. Sometimes it means I come on a bit strong and intense and I have tried my best to reel that back. (It can be a bit overbearing and intimidating for people). But ultimately, I just love people with my whole heart and want to see them thrive. This friend and I connected very deeply on that level and I honestly thought we’d be best buds for life.

The problem is that we have both changed a great deal since those early years. I have done a tremendous amount of work on myself. I have seen numerous therapists, completed mindfulness courses, read self-help books, joined support groups, participated in countless programs for people with chronic pain, and just generally tried to work on my shit. I know that sounds crass, but it's something we all need to do in order to grow. We need to recognise our own issues and bullshit and do our best to address it. No one is ever going to be perfect and we shouldn't strive to be; however, if we have character flaws that are outwardly hurting others, we need to acknowledge and work on those. We also need to stop being self-destructive. I have never been one to run away from a personal challenge. I dealt with my grief after losing my dad; I faced my fears head on when my anxiety reached fever pitch, and overcame them. I took big risks when I moved country twice. I have been brave every day of my life when I wake up with three chronic illnesses and a mental illness and somehow get through the day. I have been productive and have given back to the community as much as I possibly can. I am driven toward self-improvement and self-love as much as I am committed to making the world a better place. Even though I intend to hang up my feminist activist hat at the end of this year, I still want to be involved in community activism, primarily environmental, in the years to follow. I can never not to do something for the betterment of others. It's in my nature and it gives my life meaning and purpose. I also want to pursue creative exploits, do more travel and see what else the world has to offer.

My friend, on the other hand, has resolutely given up on all of that. He too had dreams, goals and ambitions, and he hasn’t realised any of them, nor put any serious effort towards them, either.

I can remember when it happened.

A few months after I moved to Australia to be with my partner, I visited my friend. I was so excited to see him as it had been a while. But he was angry and bitter the entire time I was there. He lashed out at his mother, his best friend and at me. In quiet moments I tried to understand why he was so upset and he finally blurted that he wanted what his siblings had: a family. He wanted a loving, committed relationship, a career and children. But he was still working at the same grocery shop he’d been at since he was 15. He had dropped out of his degree. He put absolutely no effort into dating, or working on his appalling personal hygiene or appearance. I told him that if he wanted those things, he would have to work for them, just like everyone else. He threw up his hands in a fit and said he didn't want to. He just wanted them to fall from the sky. We got into big arguments over it because this friend of mine was so spoilt and so privileged. He was still living at home with his parents who gave him everything he needed. He was able bodied and, despite punishing his body with a terrible diet, reasonably well. He could hoard his money and then spend it on conventions and video games, because he didn't have to pay any rent or any bills. His parents put up with some pretty nasty behaviour from him, including his refusal to do housework. I hate to say it, but he was acting like the entitled millennial male we feminists get so frustrated over: expecting the beautiful wife, house and job to fall into his lap without having to do any work towards it. We nearly broke up during that trip. Indeed, I needed a few months away from him before I could recover from what was quite a shock. I felt resented. And it wasn't just me; he was resenting everyone else too. His mother was devastated when I left early, because at the time I was 50% of his friendship base. I adore his mother and sympathized with her position, but I told her she needed to stop enabling her son and give him a kick up the butt he needed. She refused.

After that, he simmered down a bit. He didn't bring it up anymore. He wasn't angry and he didn't lash out. He just went numb. I managed to talk him into doing a degree in creative writing, which he was once passionate about. (He completed that degree, but has done absolutely nothing with it since.) Oh, he sometimes came along to things his best friend, my partner and I went to, although he never expressed much interest in those activities. He made silly jokes and he was still fairly personable, but he never wanted to address the elephant in the room. Anytime I tried to bring it up he shut down, became silent and grumpy and otherwise sulked. He never had anything to say about it. He just went quiet and looked miserable. "But you told me that you had life goals! That you certainly didn't want to still be working at the same shop by the time you turned 30. You said that you wanted love in your life! What are you doing about it?" His reply was to grumble or make grunting noises. He just looked like he was suffering through a lecture waiting for it to be over then acting like nothing had ever happened. But I still remembered who he used to be and what he wanted from life. He had just given up on that and on himself. He put it all in the too hard basket. It took a number of years for me to realise that he wasn't interested in having any semblance of a life outside of that shop he worked at four hours a day, five days a week. He frequented the same fast food place every day and spent all the rest of his free time sleeping or on the computer, mostly on Reddit/gaming forums, porn sites and otherwise very toxic environments totally unlike the one we had found each other in. He would spend days composing SJW posts defending issues to Internet trolls, issues he did not champion nor put any work towards supporting in real life. He would then relish in telling me how he had trolled other people. He stopped writing science fiction short stories and started writing porn. He stopped reading books. He stopped watching shows. The only interests he still had were anime and a few PC games. He wasn’t even interested in the fandom we had originally met through. It became increasingly difficult to find things to talk about.

While I was off becoming a passionate feminist activist, he was digitally surrounding himself with the same sorts of people who sent us rape threats. He started using misogynistic slurs and watching harem anime, some of which he showed me honestly thinking I’d like it! (Occasionally he got it right and found an anime that we both really liked and bonded over, but that has become less frequent over the years. He doesn’t like to watch anyone else’s suggestions and wants to always be the one showing you something he has previously seen. It is vexing.) Before long, I couldn't hold regular conversations with him. He didn't follow the news, wasn't engaged in the outside world, and did not have any real passions. Outside of a limited range of anime (i.e. not horribly offensive, racist and sexist anime), the only other thing we had in common were a few videogames that we played together. And even then, he would occasionally get angry at losing and use sexist or foul language that I found very upsetting. Most of the time, when I called him out on it, he would apologise and stop… But soon enough it would creep back in.

Basically if I had met this person today, I would not be interested in pursuing a friendship with him. He is the type of individual who is going nowhere, unable or unwilling to recognize his own bullshit.

He can be very generous to his friends, especially in terms of money, which he has a comfortable amount of. But in other ways, he is intensely selfish. He never helped his parents at the family home. Appalingly, he didn't even lift a finger to help his father when he was sick with cancer. He was utterly disinterested and I needed to call his mom to found out how his dad was doing, even though he visited them for dinner weekly!). A few years ago he finally moved into a house he rents with his best friend. The house belongs to his sister, is being let out at a very cheap rate despite being a stunning home, and she is trusting him to take care of it. But most of that work falls to his best friend. He frequently skips his share of chores, leaves a mess and otherwise exhausts his poor friend who works 60 hour work weeks and is in part time study. My friend works 20 hours a week but claims he has “no time” to do basic household maintenance. He’s a self-professed “lazy bastard”. (He doesn’t see this as a problem…). I’ve lost count of the amount of arguments they have had over it. I do not mean this to sound funny, but his best friend is more like a beleaguered, 1950’s housewife, and he takes him horribly for granted and can be outright terrible to him. He puts him down and is frankly abusive towards him. I have long wanted his best friend to move out, because he is a good person and I Iove him too, but he is enmeshed in the relationship with my friend and cannot see what a bad influence he is. It’s awful to watch. I know he’s capable of keeping the place clean, because many years ago we lived together, and after one argument about his messy habits, he cleaned and tidied up just fine. He just could not be bothered to do it for anyone anymore.

In short, he's not the man I fell in love with... and I don't know what to do.

This all reached a boiling point in the last couple of weeks. I have been trying to get off a drug called Lyrica which has some very awful withdrawal effects. My friend is well aware of this because I have told him all about it and he has been supportive of my getting off them. However, my partner needs to take time off work each time I make a dose drop to ensure that I don't self-harm or get too terrified by the psychological symptoms (such as time loss and suicidal ideation). Unfortunately, he did not have enough leave saved up to do that this time, so we invited my friend to come stay with me and be there for me during what was going to be a very difficult experience. We trusted that he would be able to see me through the next 10 days.

I'm well aware that it's quite a big ask of anyone to help someone through a drug withdrawal process. It is not pleasant and if you don't have any experience in it it can be quite daunting. That said, the way things played out forced me to fully acknowledge the breathtaking emotional immaturity of my friend. Because he has locked himself away from life and avoided any and all hardships, he doesn't know what to do when faced with any sort of adversity. I was very anxious and a bit intense during the withdrawals, but I didn't try to kill myself or do anything self-destructive. I did experience time loss, which frightened me, and depression. That alone seemed to stun him. He just didn't know what to do. And I can forgive that. The problem was that his own behaviour triggered me at an especially raw time. For example, while I was silently battling dark voices in my mind telling me that I was a waste of space and life wasn't worth living, he would say things like "just die", "Die in a fire", "I hope you go to hell" and other callous remarks made “in jest”. We have always playfully bantered, but his responses to that banter have become increasingly malicious over the years. It's because of the community he surrounds himself with. Those are the sorts of things 15-year-old boys say to each other. And in terms of emotional growth, he has actually regressed to that age. He was never this mean-spirited when I met him in his early 20s. My partner took him aside one evening and politely explained to him that saying things like that to a person who is battling suicidal thoughts is not a good idea. He understood that but was unable to censor himself. He just kept doing it. He showed me anime that was so male gazey it put me off. Knowing that anime was one of the only things we could bond over, I actually looked up a recommended list of feminist anime with good storylines that we could both enjoy. But because he doesn't like to watch things he hasn't himself chosen, it was difficult. He indulged me a little but then wanted to go back to watching an anime he had already seen. He didn't seem to understand that many of his choices in recent years have been offensive and upsetting to me, and I was already a raw nerve. I kept trying to explain this to him without hurting his feelings but he seemed mystified all the same. Going for walks was one of the best ways to combat the mental struggle I was going through, and he did indulge me in a few of those, but nowhere near as many as I needed. He hates exercise.

His horrible hygiene and bad habits were also triggering my very real OCD. OCD plagues me when my anxiety is high and so it took tremendous restraint not to blow a fuse over the copious amounts of Coca-Cola cans collecting around the house, disgusting farts he dropped (and then laughed about for literally 10 minutes each time), his wearing the same pair of trousers for two weeks and the underwear he reused. He stank. I was in an enclosed space with someone who was putting no effort into making my experience more comfortable when that experience was very literally life-threatening. In the end, I had to do emotional labour to hide just how much I was suffering from him, because it made him uncomfortable or brought out some of his worst behaviours. He physically poked, prodded and elbowed me when I begged him not to. He said it was how he expressed affection. I told him it set off my anxiety. He didn't stop. It was only when my partner came home, in the late hours of the evening, when I could in whispers express my frustration. He was concerned because he too had expected my friend to rise to the challenge much better than he had. We were both disappointed. My partner and my friend get along really well and have never had any conflict in their relationship, but my partner was annoyed at the way he was acting.

I had struggled with anxiety and depression in the early years of our friendship and even though he sometimes floundered then, he still did a damn sight better than he seems capable of doing now. I cannot overstate this. The man has emotionally regressed to a teenager. He is less mature and less kind and less switched on than he was in his early 20s. He is in his mid-30s now but he does not act his age in any sense. By the time he left, I was both relieved and distraught. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. The realisation was dawning on me that I could no longer have a meaningful relationship with him. He had made that impossible. He was not someone I could rely on emotionally in any capacity, or talk to in any depth. I was going to have to treat him as a fair weather friend. He had rendered himself incapable of being anything more.

So that is why I have been having nightmares. During his time here and in the weeks following, I have dreamt about being trapped with him and trying to get him to either leave me alone or behave better, to my great vexation. I wake from the dreams emotionally exhausted and tired. We have communicated a couple of times since then on our regular gaming nights. The last one left me cold. He was losing to one of the female characters and called her a fucking bitch. It made me flinch and then it made me anxious. I left after that game and went to bed and had more nightmares.

I have tried to address a lot of this crap in him. He doesn't want to talk about it. He makes some attempt to censor his behaviour around me, but really, he shouldn't have to. His behaviour just shouldn't be this bad. And I have found myself swallowing down so much stuff that in every other sphere of my life I would not tolerate. As a feminist, it has given me a level of cognitive dissonance I can’t even begin to explain.

Look, I don't think it is wise for people to put themselves in a complete bubble with only like-minded individuals. Echo chambers can be dangerous. But I do think you need some things in common and a base level of respect. And I have learned that it is often hard to get respect from people who do not respect themselves.

I'm not sure what to do from here. I do still love him, despite all of this, and I don't want to lose him. But I'm not sure how to make this friendship sustainable. My partner has suggested that Friend and I should no longer spend one-on-one time with each other, and I strongly agree with that. Instead, when we go to visit him in his city or he comes to visit us, we should only ever be together as a group. My partner is really good at moderating this friend of mine. They have an easy-going relationship and when there’s a group dynamic he tends to behave a little better. But I can't help but feel a great sense of loss. I feel like the person I connected with all those years ago is gone. I feel like I'm keeping something going out of respect for that person, not because it is something that especially benefits me, at least on an emotional level. While I can never repay him for all the monetary gestures and support over the years, I have given him all the love I could possibly give. And honestly, you can’t put a dollar value on that. I'm just going to have to reel that back, because I can't get entangled with someone hell bent on self-destruction. I've been close to people like that, including family members, all my life and it has only brought me heart ache. I need to protect myself. I'm just figuring out the best way to do that, and it's really hard…

#confessional post #toxic relationships #toxic friendships #heartbreak #chronic illness #self destructive friends #emotional labour #sad

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battlestar-royco · 6 years

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masterpost of fix-it headcanons for AC0TAR

the only day you can add onto this is e v e r y day

this blew up into a huge thing and it’s no longer just headcanons but more a reworked outline/embellishment of the first three books. feel free to add or change what you want if you make it through the whole thing :D

n/esta--a gray ace icon!--is the main character. the first book is told in n/esta and l/ucien’s alternating POVs.

some worldbuilding and character background for human lands because sj/m provides fuckity nothing: mama and papa arch raised their children on scary stories about the fae. the first story every human child hears is the one about the human-fae treaty and the ominously growing rip in the wall between human and fae lands. (as a young woman, n/esta remembers a time when a fae attack would happen once every few years, but now she hears of five to ten a year.) because humans are atheist, the arch sisters also learned many stories about secular historical figures and events such as j/urian and his legendary murder of c/lythia during the human-fae war, and f/eyre took an interest in famous painters from a young age.

mama arch died and papa arch’s leg was irreparably damaged while protecting their daughters from a fae creature attack. the girls developed growing resentment toward fae as they got older.

after their family’s fall into poverty, n/esta and e/lain grew up helping f/eyre learn to read. she'll never be at their level, but she knows enough to get by. n/esta always budgets and goes shopping. the harvest from e/lain’s little garden has saved them a few autumns, just like f/eyre’s hunting. their father loves them and wishes he could do more, but they're happy to care for him.

actual ac0tar timeline: (because the humans deserved a plotline and i’ll die mad that they never got one:) the human lands are deeply unsettled by the hole in the wall, and a few attacks have ravaged the northernmost villages. f/eyre is taken to p/rythian. n/esta and e/lain find the mercenary who helped f/eyre. the mercenary is an important mentor for them and she helps n/esta leave tomas. e/lain’s fiance g/raysen who is completely justified in his wariness against fae fiGHT ME sj/m is an advocate for human rights, and all his family’s resources are helping mend the wall, but they just can’t do it without magic. e/lain stays at home to take care of papa arch while n/esta heads north with the mercenary to save f/eyre and possibly find a magical solution to the wall. unsuccessful, n/esta returns home to find that her family has suddenly come upon fortune again, and she funnels some of that money into the human effort.

meanwhile in the sp/ring court, l/ucien watches as tom lane brings home a human girl, f/eyre, who may just be the key to defeating a/marantha’s curse. the curse forbids him from warning her about tom’s true nature, and his feelings toward tom are difficult because tom has provided him shelter from his family but has also been another source of abuse. l/ucien also resents f/eyre for murdering andras. both trapped and opposed to each other for different reasons, f/eyre and l/ucien begrudgingly become friends. they look out for each other and a/lis.

throughout book 1, l/ucien mourns andras and carries out his duties as tom’s emissary. he visits utm multiple times, discreetly conversing with all the imprisoned high lords and their spies (maybe a/zriel and/or n/uala and c/erridwen makes a cameo here) and spreading the news that the curse may soon end. every time he returns, the high lords inform him on their movements/preparations for a/marantha’s death and h/ybern’s rise.

f/eyre completes her third task, but her stab to tom’s heart is fatal. tom dies honorably, for the greater good of all the fae, but l/ucien and f/eyre will never forget the darker parts of him. because a/marantha deserved better as a villain, a/marantha disappears in a diversion created by the king of h/ybern (hereon known as “koh”). rice is a straight-up antagonist and kidnaps f/eyre into the night court. l/ucien is left to rule the s/pring court alone.

ac0maf timeline: the second book continues l/ucien and n/esta’s POVs but also introduces t/arquin, m/or, and a h/ybernian’s POVs.

the h/ybernian pov (perhaps a commoner, soldier, or advisor to the koh) gives us insight on the koh and a/marantha’s plans. both the koh and a/marantha are given thorough backstories that make them sympathetic and/or interesting villains. the latter is one of many lethal commanders in the h/ybern army, alongside d/agdan and b/rannagh. her bitterness against humans has been renewed upon her defeat by f/eyre. the h/ybernian perspective also allows us to see h/ybernian culture, history, and pro/anti-war factions so that h/ybern is no longer a monolith. at some point, we see the cauldron come together. its power is immense.

now, let’s add some semblance of conflict and flaws to the inner circle. (i tried to stick as close to the canon as possible here, but again, mess provided FUCKITY NOTHING.) they each have differing motives, but at the end of the day they all just want prythian to be safe. they’re actually morally ambiguous anti-heroes/villains as heroes instead of this “it was all an act” nonsense. i/llyrians are explicitly poc. rice kidnapped f/eyre not because they’re mates, but because he wants to use her newfound powers as an asset against h/ybern. a/zriel’s torture victims never recover, but he only ever resorts to such measures when he believes necessary. a/mren (agender; ace) hunts for their blood, and they have an insurmountable body count. m/or (power lesbian) is incredibly kind, but everyone in court knows not to get on her bad side or they’ll face her justice. c/assian is the most ruthless commander i/llyria has ever seen.

additionally, the inner circle is complicated. m0riel was never a thing. c/assian and m/or also never hooked up, but they are besties. a/zriel is the intuitive, emotional core of the group; everyone goes to him for advice on friends, relationships, and hard decisions. a/zriel (pan) and c/assian (bi) have been steadily falling in love since their time in the camps as boys but neither of the idiots will admit it to themselves or anyone else. a/mren is still known as “tiny ancient one” because they’re like millennia older than everyone else. they impart cryptic wisdom and brutally honest advice on their edgy^TM kids. the night court also know their time with a/mren is limited because they are searching for a way out of their fae form, so their company is cherished. the four of them have stood beside rice over the centuries, and they love him, but they’ve also watched him steadily become more corrupt and merciless. can he be saved or is it time for a change in leadership? this is a conversation everyone wants to have, but no one is brave enough to begin. everyone skirts around it throughout the book, tension slowly building to an inevitable confrontation.

moving on to the plot: in the night court, we follow m/or ruling v/elaris (she fucking f i n e s s e s k/eir in the process). she’s in a simmering, slow burn romance with an i/llyrian woman: an activist against wing-cutting and a mutual friend of a/zriel’s (he set them up). m/or’s strength in court is her kind nature. she has many loyalists in the court of ni/ghtmares who know of her past with e/ris and k/eir. meanwhile, a/mren and f/eyre's subplot takes them to the human lands to get in touch with the arch sisters.

after his time utm, t/arquin returns to the summer court to play his part in preparing for the war against h/ybern: translating his half of the book of breathings and gathering powerful allies (br/yaxis, the b/one carver, and the w/eaver) for the war. his emotional arc is all about his recovery from the trauma he underwent utm. meanwhile, c/resseida hears word that some night court members are headed to the human lands, so she initiates an alliance with them and tags along in hopes that she can retrieve the mortal queens’ half of the book.

in the spring court, i/anthe is introduced. l/ucien soon realizes she is a double agent for h/ybern. she feeds him info on recruitment and battle strategies. koh and a/marantha are depending on i/anthe’s priestess order to spread pro-war rhetoric across h/ybern (??? this is the best i could do with what sj/m gave). the human lands are the most at risk because koh plans on cutting his army directly through spring court to crush the laughably weak human resistance before taking over the south. (sources report the effort is headed by the cursebreaker’s older sisters....)

in the human lands, n/esta and el/ain are pleasantly surprised by a visit from their sister, and more than a little alarmed by the two fae who accompany her. f/eyre just missed papa arch, who recently set sail with some of g/raysen’s soldiers to recruit southern soldiers. human efforts to seal the wall have been mostly fruitless, and every victory pyrrhic. although neither sister is a fighter, n/esta and e/lain have both seen enough horrors to last a lifetime. n/esta has worked her way to the position of treasurer of g/raysen’s army, and it seems that the proximity of the wall has activated some magic in elain so she is now a seer (this is some bs but so is sj/m’s magic system smh i tried). therefore, both of them (plus the mercenary) always sit in on war councils, and they receive a formal invitation from the mortal queens to discuss their next movements. a/mren and c/resseida come along, and the queens agree to give their half of the book in exchange for some fae magic to mend the wall. only m/or is powerful enough to do such a thing (also bs but sj/m never explained her power!!), so they must go back to the night court. amidst all the suffering, one good thing boosts human morale: e/lain and g/raysen's marriage.

in the n/ight court, a/mren, c/resseida, and f/eyre return to merge the book and tell m/or of the deal with the queens. tensions have risen between m/or and rice’s ruling styles. the court of nig/htmares is also split between m/or and k/eir. too much is mounting for mor to even think of going to the human lands. she and a/zriel also recently received a request for help from l/ucien: one of the spring sentries reported that amarantha’s legion is on the move. meanwhile, the h/ybernian pov chronicles the legion traveling to spring. the best the n/ight court can do is send c/assian. l/ucien and c/assian do all they can, but a/marantha’s too powerful and she rips right through the hole in the wall. c/assian’s wings get fuCKING SHREDDED in the process.

acowar: we’re gonna pretend v/assa, m/iryam, and d/rakon don’t exist bc they did very little for the plot. pr/ythian is in all out fucking bloody-ass war. when war crimes are committed, characters are held accountable. spring fae are scattering, seeking refuge in other courts. we see true horrors and battles and loss throughout the book. it’s high time that the lords all convened to lay out a plan of action, but everyone’s had pretty big fish to fry in the post-curse era. the n/ight court is fracturing, t/arquin and l/ucien are adjusting to being high lords, the a/utumn court has always been infighting, etc. so now an effort is being made to call everyone to a council in dawn.

first, m/or can no longer ignore the call to the human lands. l/ucien joins her because of his lands’ proximity to the wall, leaving i/anthe in charge (they’ve become quite good companions and she’s cut off her ties to hybern). c/assian also comes because l/ucien has been harboring him in spring and providing the best possible (but insufficient) healers for his wings. finally, our human and fae plots come together. m/or and c/assian’s reunion is touching. c/assian’s banter with abrasive n/esta takes his mind off his damaged wings. they both enjoy each other’s pragmatism, sarcasm, and emotional empathy. (in another life, they might’ve made a good match ;).) m/or patches the wall because even though a/marantha is already through, it’ll stop reinforcements from joining her. in a historic event, humans (the queens, the arch sisters, and g/raysen) are invited to the council of high lords.

all our big players are at the council: all h/igh lords + partners and courts, plus terrified but dignified human squad. m/or is reunited with her old friend v/iviane, (they were DEFINITELY a thing once). k/eir, e/ris, and b/eron were invited by none other than rice, who also plans to use feyre’s powers to win multiple battles. the n/ight court can no longer deny that it’s time to talk about rice. all the rising tensions come to the surface here. rice wants to employ the [insert better name for keir’s soldiers than fucking d/arkbringers], but m/or’s i/llyrian gf has been raising an army and she thinks that’s the safer bet. in the end, all the high lords decide they need both, and no one is quite happy. no one knows wtf is in the future for n/ight court leadership.

human squad and fae recap each other. humans hope papa arch can come through with some southern support. amarantha is razing her way through human lands while a/driata and v/elaris have suffered attacks from koh. n/esta, e/lain, and f/eyre all share stolen conversations between meetings over the days. f/eyre misses her home and family, but she knows she’ll never belong there again. humans are given the d/arkbringers (yikes) and b/ryaxis.

as human squad + lucien make their way home, their caravan is attacked by a h/ybern commander--maybe d/agdan or b/rannagh. e/lain is kidnapped to the koh’s camp; she’ll be a good hostage to draw in the pr/ythian asset f/eyre and crush human spirit. the h/ybernian notes that the cauldron has amassed much more power than we last saw. however, koh’s power over the cauldron and his soldiers has been spiraling out of control ever since a/marantha left to attack humans. though she’s been successful against them so far, her obsessive desire to slaughter humans wastes a lot of soldiers & resources on lands that are of little use to h/ybern. the h/ybernian gradually becomes acquainted with e/lain and frees her from the camp. humans return home shaken, but without further incident. the diversion has given a/marantha enough time to secure g/raysen’s lands before they arrive.

in the night court, they realize that without b/ryaxis they’ll need to free a/mren from their body for once and for all to defeat koh. they all share one last night of drinking, games, and being silly and sad. a/zriel and c/assian ruminate on the possibility of losing other inner circle members, and realize their feelings for each other. when h/ybernian and p/rythian forces assemble for the final battle, rice dies an anti-hero’s death on the battlefield. c/assian commands i/llyrian infantry nobly and courageously while m/or’s gf commands from the skies. f/eyre uses her powers to the best of her ability, and with significant help from a/mren in their true form, wins the day for p/rythian. a/mren disappears into their original desired dimension, and f/eyre dies knowing that she neither belongs with humans nor fae. c/resseida, t/arquin, and some p/rythian court members survive, but not without suffering scars, limb loss, and casualties etc.

in the human lands, papa arch has returned from the south with a few thousand men, but not enough to face a/marantha. the d/arkbringers and b/ryaxis hold their own against her soldiers, but she herself still lives. echoing how f/eyre outsmarted a/marantha in book 1, the humans must utilize a/marantha’s own hubris to defeat her. a major human character dies: perhaps g/raysen, the mercenary, or a queen.

finally, the enemies are defeated. arch family and high lords are invited to a funeral for f/eyre cursebreaker in the night court. n/esta and e/lain mourn their sister, but the funeral as a whole serves as a commemoration of all the losses of the war. additionally, m/or and i/llyrian gf have a beautiful private wedding. in rice’s absence, the courtiers of dreams and nightmares flock to m/or. now that their power is secure, she and l/ucien hold long overdue but fair trials against e/ris, b/eron, and k/eir for what they did to m/or and j/esminda (l/ucien’s lover who was killed before his eyes). they are found guilty, and a/zriel uses his sword truthteller in the execution. after, everyone settles terms and plans for war reparations. all the courts vow to donate what they can to the human lands because they all bear the responsibility. the humans go home one last time. human and fae alike are deeply traumatized by the war, but there is hope of happiness and recovery in the future.

#anti acotar #anti acomaf #anti acowar #anti sjm #this was SOOOOO much harder than the t0g one because the ac0tar plot/world/characters are so much weaker than the t0g ones #and that's really saying something #there's almost nothing to the worldbuilding holy crap

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fogmongers · 5 years

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L A N E K A T Z . history major. dorming with Robin. skater (amateur). photographer (amateur). musician (amateur).

a restless hipster born to an aggressively patriotic cop and his stepford wife in nowheresland, montana, the only thing that ever stood between lane and his parents throwing down to hell was his older brother and unaccredited role model jack: the perfect boy, and the only mediator empathetic and patient enough to not only suffer the arguments of ethics between his parents and their unfavorite child, but also to defuse them.

jack had the philosophical savvy to understand and relate to lane, but at the end of the day, didn’t have the passion or endurance to live the peace-loving ideology they discussed. loyal to a fault and desperate to make his insecurely lower-class parents proud in wake of lane growing up to be a smelly hippie who brought shame to the family in their rural town, jack enlisted in the army at 18, very much against Lane’s pleas advice, leaving his little brother feeling tremendously betrayed.

already showing early signs of manic depression in his teens, the feelings of angst and anxiety caused by and for jack led to lane losing his self-preservation instinct. his high school years would see him acting on his impulses of hyper-sexuality and letting his mood swings and irritability turn him into a toxic friend. he had days where he was endearingly quiet and earnest, but switched to moods of reckless thrill-seeking decadence, or venomous, moody irritability with no warning or signal of how he would feel at any particular moment. became a serial dater who got away with breaking hearts because he had the veneer of a sweet artist--- wrote a few songs and poems for girls, always taking candid photographs of happy times and posting them with lovely captions, knows how to give a good, personal compliment when he wants to--- but he wound up being kind of isolated by the end of his senior year after girls started talking to each other about his behavioral patterns and nowadays he doesn’t have many friends to visit back in montana.

his home life was an even larger abyss, especially around the times his brother would come home. with each subsequent visit, jack became more visibly hollow. everyone could tell that he lost the shine in his smile, and it was clear that his mind was somewhere else during conversations, even before you told him that your girlfriend left you for your best friend and he smiled and said “I’m so happy for you.”

when efforts to talk to jack again became increasingly futile and frustrating, no one in the family was able to cope constructively. while his parents promptly Bottled That Shit Right Up and, to this day, actively deny any of jack’s visible trauma, lane has reacted with a lot of emotions and crying and lashing out and, to this day, is not finished “grieving.” and it leads to a lot of tension between him and his parents. their relationship for most of hi high school life consisted only of radio silence and arguments– especially between lane and his dad, who wanted him to Man Up, stop “reaching for shit to get upset about” and “making up problems” and thought it was time for him to get his act together and stop partying so much, get more controlled like his brother, talk back less like his brother, put down the camera and guitar and join a sports team--- start thinking about his future.

it all built up to the peak of one typical argument about how shallow they are vs. how bratty he is, and his father declared that the family has been expecting lane to enlist at the end of high school to learn respect and discipline if he wants to keep his room in their house, and after lane lashed out, his dad raised his hand to hit him.

lane flinched away and the heat of the moment was cut soon enough for him to lower his arm, but the general threat of physical abuse is still there every time lane sees his dad, and the one time he tried to bring it up his dad denied that it ever happened--- basically tries to gaslight him into thinking he’s just overreacting and blowing things out of proportion and all in all the relationship has lost all hope. within a month after the incident, he stopped talking to his dad entirely.

his mom was, fortunately, there to witness the situation, and is still outwardly in denial about the whole ordeal, but she was sympathetic enough to keep them separated for the rest of lane’s childhood and support her son when preferred to go to college than boot camp. she helped him fill out his applications and apply for financial aid knowing, deep down, that she probably wouldn’t see him again after he pulled out of the driveway and headed to rainier the next year.

persona:

your standard artsy, pretentious white boy. fake-deep entry-level philosopher, hiding any vulnerability behind a fort of irony and alleged self-awareness. the guy “sarcastically” playing early 2000′s indie-pop hits on acoustic guitar in the quad because he won’t admit that he earnestly likes the sincerity of songs. teasing/negging girls who instagram pictures of their food and judging people for scrolling through their phones in public when they should be paying attention to him. would have dread locks if he went to college just ten years ago. wears his ziggy stardust or velvet underground tee shirts on the anniversaries of bowie & lou reed's deaths and mourns artists like them belligerently publically. reads sartre & marx in crowded spaces with the book cover as visible as possible.

a walking contradiction. uncontrollable mood swings. he flips between extreme arrogance and worrysome levels of self-deprecation at the strum of a chord. an alluring and unpredictable mine field of a person, flipping the switch between boughts of wrath and guilt, ecstatic passion and dreadful apathy, tyranny and self-harm. a rebellious party boy, very popular for a loner, with boyish charm and intrigue. but he’s much more self-aware than he used to be--- after realizing that he had no friends’ houses to stay at in his senior year of high school because he pushed everyone away, he tries much harder to be a better friend to people, both out of the need for self-preservation since he can’t spend summer breaks or holidays in montana anymore, and also out of a genuine empathy and understanding of other people’s behavior and feelings that he had to learn the hard way.

grew up extremely passionate about studying history; refuses to admit that it’s not really his thing anymore. constantly triggered by his own textbooks. he would really do better in some philosophy or literature or psychology (or being confident enough in his own potential to major in photography and grow up to be the war photographer he was born to be), but he’s developed a masochistic streak in recent years.

attached at the guts to robin dundee. they have a complicated friendship with, but robin’s overpowering energy kind of forces lane to default to being calmer to balance him out. the boys are always saying they’re going to start a band together but can never decide what kind since they’re never interested in the same extremely specific and obscure sub-genre at the same time (one week robin will say they should be a dark vaudevillian cabaret goth band while lane insists that they should play ethereal folk and by the time one of them gets into the other’s taste, the latter has already moved on to psychobilly) and they always push away each other’s recruits to the band since all of lane’s friends find robin too psychotic and anyone robin attracts finds lane too pissy and sappy.

wanted connections:

short-lived relationships or flings that ended ambiguously or badly because he’s kind of hard to handle for long periods of time. demure or ditzy/non-threatening friends who let him feel like the mischievous one for once (he tends to flirt with these kinds of people). unrequited crushes (on either side, but he should also have a huge crush on annona). dealers, or friends/clients of his dealer who he smokes with. a party squad. a white boy skater/weed/videogame squad (COUGH nate/sid/robin/lane what COUGH). someone who’s intrigued by his undiagnosed psyche and just wants to get close to him to figure him out - or - who finds him boring because they already have him figured out. people who are begrudgingly friends with him because he workshops and photographs their art for their portfolios (maybe someone whose name sounds like mattah sarhews). a friend of that friend whom he doesn’t realize is gay and keeps flirting with because he thinks she’s playing hard to get and just has a deadpan sarcastic sense of humor. someone whose family he spends breaks with (i’m assuming he usually winds up spending them with his fling at the time but a friend who he can consistently stay with would be good too), or someone who also on campus when school’s out; bonus points if they only talk when they’re having heart-to-hearts on the empty grounds. activists who recognize his energy and want to mobilize him (it’s tk i’m talking about tk @ nina bring tk to rainier please). good influence friends who are understanding of his behavior. someone who’s a little too forgiving of him and winds up getting stepped on because they assure him he’s safe to be emotional around them. bad influence friends who push him to act more like robin. enemies who do not have any patience for him or his antics, or anyone who actively tells people about what a bastard he is. maybe someone from his old school who he’s burned?

#╰ ☾ 🇹🇭🇪 🇵🇪🇳🇩🇺🇱🇺🇲. ⛧ ━━━ lane katz. ╮

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chaoswillfallrpg · 3 years

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POPPY HOOKUM is TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD and an ILLUSTRATOR for THE POLITICS PAGE at THE QUIBBLER. They look remarkably like LIV HEWSON and consider themselves aligned with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. They are currently OPEN.

→ OVERVIEW:

An activist and a fearless fighter with a heart of gold, Poppy Hookum believes passionately in equal rights for everyone who calls the wizarding world their home. The youngest child of GEORGE and ROSE HOOKUM, Poppy grew up in a rather fantastical household where imagination reigned supreme. Their middle sister DAISY, preferred to live in worlds they had created and Poppy’s childhood was filled with memories of Daisy pulling her sisters along on great expeditions. Daisy was a dreamer and although Poppy appreciated her efforts they could never quite relate to her. Poppy did not share their sister’s imagination. They were very matter of fact even as a child and although traipsing around in the wind looking for fairy rings was fun to Daisy it seemed like a pointless exercise to Poppy given everyone knew pixies were more commonly found in Cornwall. Their eldest sister PRIMROSE was a dreamer of another kind. Primrose looked at the world in front of her and wondered how she could make it beautiful, which sadly included dressing up Poppy to look like a pot doll and attempting to curl their already curly hair into tight ringlets and fashion princess style gowns for them to parade around in. In their younger years Poppy would try their best to rifle out of the clutches of their sisters and their games but as they got older they tended to go along with things to make them happy, even if they did sulk about it thereafter.

Poppy was the blunt one of their family, with a perpetually knitted expression worn on their face and their nose buried in a copy of The Daily Prophet which made the rest of their family laugh.Everyone in Poppy’s family was eccentric, including Poppy though they had a hard time seeing it. They all seemed ridiculous to Poppy including their cousins who were just as crazy as Poppy’s sisters. BILLIUS WEASLEY somehow managed to make Primrose seem subdued in her style, whilst ARTHUR was hopping and obsessed with anything vaguely related to Muggles which Poppy found most peculiar. The only person who understood them in their family was their middle cousin FREDRICK. A few years older than Poppy, their family would laugh as everyone would run and play around the Weasley burrow leaving Poppy and Fredrick to sit reading wearing spectacles that didn’t help them see any better. An interest in current affairs ran in the family and whilst living in the fantastical never interested Poppy, dreaming of their life one day working at The Daily Prophet was a dream they allowed themself to indulge in. Their father George was a very famous journalist who covered the ousting of NOBBY LEACH from office and was largely responsible for the rumours which began to perpetuate about ABRAXAS MALFOY helping him be forced out of office. Poppy’s father believed in doing everything you could to change the world around you and was a very passionate journalist who believed in equality.

The Hookum family were a longstanding Pure-Blood family in wizarding Britain with ties to Sacred Twenty-Eight families, but that didn’t matter to their father. What mattered was using his status to do what was right and it was an ideology they carried forth fiercely at school. Sorted into Gryffindor, Poppy was the last of their family to attend Hogwarts just behind their estranged cousins ALECTO and AMYCUS CARROW, whom Poppy utterly despised. None of their family spoke to that particular purist branch of their family tree but Poppy took their disdain one step further, openly challenging Amycus and Alecto whenever they got the chance and saw them doing something horrible and wicked, which happened to be a great deal. Poppy had hoped that their ghastly cousins were in the minority in their wickedness though Poppy soon discovered that was not the case. Alecto and Amycus were part of a larger rot of self important purists which included the likes of JASPER AVERY, LARKIN MULCIBER and SEVERUS SNAPE whom she saw bully and belittle people on the daily. Poppy’s fellow Gryffindors LILY EVANS and MARY MACDONALD were often a victim of prejudiced bullying, frequently tormented simply because they were Muggle-Borns. They were outraged. People like their cousins and their fellow nasty Slytherins needed to be stopped and Poppy was determined to do so.

So began their activism, containing on from CHARITY BURBAGE and BENJY FENWICK’s hard work from their days at Hogwarts, Poppy fought under the banner of Sorcerers for Equality, starting hallway duels, pulling stunts and earning a number of detentions from PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL in the process. Poppy’s name was a famous one known for quite literally getting on top of a soapbox and preaching to their fellow students about equality. Thankfully Poppy wasn’t alone in their exactions and their antics attracted fellow supporters. CARDORAC DEARBORN had been Poppy’s friend since sitting down at the Gryffindor table during first year and the two had only gotten closer since then. Cardorac was like the brother Poppy hadn’t had, having always preferred the company of wizards and other non-binary sorcerers compared to their very feminine sisters. Cardorac always had Poppy’s back, happy to jump to their defense and plaster the school full of posters with Charity and Benjy’s teachings. It was more than Poppy’s own sisters did for them at the very least. Caught up in their careers, Primrose seemed more intent on making dresses for the enemy whilst Daisy focused on running her silly little newspaper which mostly printed gossip rather than anything of importance. Poppy had always thought her family held the same beliefs as they did but when push came to shove they could only rely on her friends and Arthur to be by their side.

Some of Poppy’s friends had disappointed them in this area also. Since first year, Poppy, Caradoc, DEMETRIUS MCLAGGEN and GWENOG JONES had been inseparable. But as they grew older and Poppy and Caradoc’s eyes had widened to the problems occurring in their world, Gwenog and Demetrius had shied away from controversy. The excuses they made were flimsy, especially for Gwenog whose family had positions at The Ministry that could inflict change and had a girlfriend at the time who held very similar beliefs. Despite how much Poppy loved Gwenog, her unwillingness to join their cause and her relationship DORCAS MEADOWES was a slight point of contention in their relationship. Poppy had always held a candle for Dorcas and was ashamed to say they were somewhat relieved to hear when Dorcas and Gwen decided to go their separate ways and began to become quietly better friends with Dorcas behind Gwen’s back. Leaving school, Poppy wasn’t quite sure how to inflect the most change. Caradoc and Dorcas were training to be Aurors which had never suited Poppy and they were quite sure The Prophet would never have them after hearing about what they’d been up to at school. Poppy needed a plan and then suddenly a job offer fell square in their lap. Famous for their posters, boards and signs that often depicted various purists as hilarious cartoons, Poppy was approached by XENOPHILIUS LOVEGOOD for a job at his magazine The Quibbler, working alongside their idol Charity Burbage.

Poppy couldn’t have said yes fast enough and although they saw themselves mostly taking to the streets to protest after graduation being paid to draw alongside an icon was pretty much their dream job. Working with Charity has been a blessing for Poppy and they would consider them somewhat of a friend after all the trouble they’d stirred after their article on the arrest of SILAS CRUMP was posted all over London. Although it was scary to have the Ministry have an eye on them both Poppy knew how important their work was and wasn’t scared into silence for having a target on their back. It was this utter fearlessness that led to Charity introducing Poppy to ALASTOR MOODY and joining the ranks of The Order of The Phoenix. Discovering there was an underground organisation trying to link the recent string of deaths and disappearances in London to one wizard as wild to Poppy but they were very committed to lending a hand. A bit of a hot head, Poppy has been assigned GLENDA CHITTOCK as a mentor who although is lacking in duelling ability is extremely stealthy and a very smooth talker. Helping them control their impulses to rush into situations and think more smartly, Poppy is enjoying learning from Glenda and has been helping them investigate a string of upper class villains they think are hiding amongst the upper class and are currently on the tale of mysterious French witch OPHELIA DELACOUR.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Blood Status → Pure-Blood

Pronouns → They/Them

Identification → Non-Binary

Sexuality → Queer

Relationship Status → Single

Previous Education → Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Gryffindor)

Societies → Sorcerers for Equality

Family → Primrose Jorkins (sister), Daisy Hookum (sister), Billius Weasley (cousin), Fredrick Weasley (cousin), Arthur Weasley (cousin), Amycus Carrow (estranged cousin/adversary), Alecto Carrow (estranged cousin/adversary)

Connections → Cardorac Dearborn (best friend), Demetrius McLaggen (close friend), Gwenog Jones (close friend), Maren Linwood (close friend), Emilia Grey (close friend), Cassiopeia Kim (close friend), Cressida Abercrombie (close friend), Aurora Sinistra (close friend), Tilden Toots (close friend), Saoirse MacMillan (friend/colleague), Charity Burbage (friend/colleague/idol), Glenda Chittock (mentor/friend), Dorcas Meadowes (friend/object of affection), Mary MacDonald (friend), Lily Evans (friend), Marlene McKinnon (friend), Ophelia Delacour (person of interest), Benjy Fenwick (idol)

Future Information → N/A

POPPY HOOKUM IS A LEVEL 5 SORCERER.

#liv hewson fc #marauders rpg #marauders rp #harry potter rpg #harry potter rp #poppy hookum #open sorcerer #open #sorcerer #Order Member #open order member #quibbler #liv hewson #open lgbtqia+

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patriotsrising1 · 3 years

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The Power of Soft Power

What I have tried to do in these writings is to encourage “soft power”. What is soft power? Well, a look at our enemies will tell us. Antifa and BLM burning down cities and attacking people is hard power. The media covering up their crimes is an example of soft power. The fear Antifa and BLM generate in people to control them is also soft power. Saul Alinsky's “Rules for Radicals” is a manual on how to weaponize soft power. Let's go through them and see what we can learn. Remember “soft power” is still power!

“Power is not only what you have, but what the enemy thinks you have.” Power is derived from 2 main sources – money and people. “Have-Nots” must build power from flesh and blood.

This rule shows the power of organization. The militia will never have as much money as the Wall Street vampires, the DNC, or the corrupt GOP politicians. This lack of money can be countered by organization. The North Vietnamese communists were super-organized, it was the only way they could fight the super-wealthy United States. Even now, they are far more organized that we are, I personally feel too many conservatives are “waiting to be saved” from the evil of the DNC. My response has been the same from the beginning. Get off your ass.

2. “Never go outside the expertise of your people.” It results in confusion, fear and retreat. Feeling secure adds to the backbone of anyone.

What he is saying is stick with what you know. The limitation of this is lower level people in Antifa and BLM don't really know much at all, they just how to be violent. The leadership of Antifa and BLM, admittedly trained Marxists, know how to use these useful idiots. To counter the enemy, every militia member needs to be trained and encouraged to think for themselves. They need to know who, what, when, why, and how of what they are doing. This is the “Ethical Indoctrination” I mentioned earlier that was used by Evans Carlson's Marine Raiders in WW2.We need our people to be of better quality than their people. Therefore, the training must be intense and thorough so as make them as comfortable and secure in whatever challenges they face. Ethical Indoctrination has be coupled with competent training!

3. “Whenever possible, go outside the expertise of the enemy.” Look for ways to increase insecurity, anxiety and uncertainty.

Every group has a weakness that can be exploited. In the Vietnam War, the US Marines were far superior in training and firepower than the North Vietnamese Army, but the US Marines (by law) could not fight the North Vietnamese in American universities where Marxism held sway and they could not fight them in the communists propaganda outlets of CBS, NBC, ABC, The NY Times, etc. These places were “outside” the expertise of the Marine Corps, which is why the communists put so much effort into taking over them. On a positive note, while lefties are experts on establishing narratives, their thinking has almost nothing to do with reality. We are experts on the real world and that is where we should be the most active. However, we are in a total and desperate fight to save this republic, but we are being beaten by the left because they are good organizers.

4. “Make the enemy live up to its own book of rules.” If the rule is that every letter gets a reply, send 30,000 letters. You can kill them with this because no one can possibly obey all of their own rules.

For an example of using an evil Lefty institution's rules against them, watch this video. It is full of legal terms and concepts, but it shows that even a big corporation that screws over Conservatives on a regular basis, Patreon, can be damaged or destroyed by using their rules. WATCH THIS VIDEO DESPITE ITS HOW DENSE IT IS WITH LEGAL JARGON. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaFSHBTDj5Y

5. “Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon.” There is no defense. It’s irrational. It’s infuriating. It also works as a key pressure point to force the enemy into concessions.

I would add that we can add false accusations of being a Nazi, homophobe, bigot, etc. etc. have also been effective in the past. It let's them justify their evil while maintaining the illusion that they are virtuous. However, their weakness is that they are totalitarians and do not have since of humor. This is why funny memes are an effective tactic to use against them, and why many Big Tech companies are censoring memes so as to protect them. Make and spread funny memes people, they are powerful soft weapons!

6. “A good tactic is one your people enjoy.” They’ll keep doing it without urging and come back to do more. They’re doing their thing, and will even suggest better ones.

This, I think is self-explanatory, but let's look inside the twisted mind of Lefties. In general, Lefties are, as individuals, pathetic. Because of this, they like to form mobs, both online and in the streets. Belonging to a mob gives them a sense of power that they would not otherwise have. All the virtue signaling they do is nothing more than white-wash on their internal tombs full of corruption and feelings of inadequacy. This is the basis of their being. We are not dealing with the great and the good, but pathetic individuals who can't wait to shout, “Witch! Witch!” (or “Nazi! Nazi!) and then see good people burned at the stake just to feel the rush of power. I said previously that we are better at reality and the reality is, these individuals are weak people and that fact should be exploited.

7. “A tactic that drags on too long becomes a drag.” Don’t become old news.

Again, this is self-explanatory. We can see how the term “racist” is being so overused and has been for so long that it no longer has much sting.

8. “Keep the pressure on. Never let up.” Keep trying new things to keep the opposition off balance. As the opposition masters one approach, hit them from the flank with something new.

I mentioned in the main body of this thread that we need to be creative. Here we see why. The more you hit someone and from different angles, the harder it is for them to respond. This works at both the tactical level and the strategic level, while using Hard Power and using Soft Power. Again we can look to the Vietnam War to see how operations on the battlefield where coupled with disinformation campaigns and subversion of the Universities and the media.

9. “The threat is usually more terrifying than the thing itself.” Imagination and ego can dream up many more consequences than any activist.

Thanks to their dystopian fantasies and their weak personalities, lefties are particularly prone to fear. The two major components of a lefty hive-minded insect is fear and hate. Use it against them. Every time the overreact with fear, use their excesses to show their evil to the world.

10. “The major premise for tactics is the development of operations that will maintain a constant pressure upon the opposition.” It is this unceasing pressure that results in the reactions from the opposition that are essential for the success of the campaign.

What they mean by “reactions from the opposition” are really overreactions, or reasonable reactions that can be twisted into overreactions when Brian Stelter or Rachel Maddow talk about them on the news. This is a warning to us, always be on guard, always be the first to state your narrative and make sure you repeat incessantly to counter the propaganda machine of the Lefties.

11. “If you push a negative hard enough, it will push through and become a positive.” Violence from the other side can win the public to your side because the public sympathizes with the underdog.

This rule explains why CNN and the rest were defending the riots as legitimate expressions of anger at the cops. That is why they pushed the “Defund the Police!” nonsense. The thing here, is that we don't really need to promote any negatives. However, things like Gun Control can be pushed back against.

12. “The price of a successful attack is a constructive alternative.” Never let the enemy score points because you’re caught without a solution to the problem.

This is important, it means you have to know how to fix something. You can't just burn something down, you need to have a plan to replace it.

13. “Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.” Cut off the support network and isolate the target from sympathy. Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions.

Again, self-explanatory, but you see this tactic being done everyday, especially online where there is no risk to Leftists since the Big Tech companies allow them free reign on Twitter, Facebook, etc.

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madisonacampbell · 4 years

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Via the ACLU: The Short Life and Curious Death of Free Speech in America

The Short Life and Curious Death of Free Speech in America

No one expected their words to be enlightening or their tone harmonious. Hatred rarely comes in such flavors. It spills out as an ugly, incoherent mess infused with the rotten odor of willful ignorance. And so it was with the Nazi wannabes — self-styled white supremacists determined to make their mark on the world, committed to convincing anyone who might listen that their superiority was both evident and inevitable. The setting was downtown Charlottesville, Virginia, August 2017. Their mission was unity — of like-minded hate mongers. Their leader, Jason Kessler, was a 33-year-old who lived with his parents and had once supported Barack Obama. He had learned that many demographers thought whites would eventually become a minority race in the United States. That news was so unsettling that Kessler remade himself into a white-rights activist. He styled himself as “a civil and human rights advocate, focused on the Caucasian demographic” in the mode of “Jesus Christ or Mahatma Gandhi.” His “Unite the Right” rally, observed the Christian Science Monitor, “was supposed to be the movement’s coming out party, an emergence from the shadows of internet chat rooms into the national spotlight.” Kessler was inspired in part by fellow University of Virginia graduate and white supremacist Richard Spencer who, in May 2017, led a band of racists in Charlottesville chanting “Russia is our friend” and “Blood and soil,” a Nazi-inspired slogan. Why they were enamored of Russia is anyone’s guess; I presume it had something to do with President Trump. The reason for the Nazi chant was evident; they thought it allowed them to channel the spirit of General Robert E. Lee, who had abandoned the U.S. Army in a doomed quest to preserve race-based slavery in the South. Charlottesville’s leaders recently had voted to remove Lee’s statue from the downtown park that no longer carried his name. Spencer and his crew opposed that effort and everything they thought it implied, including hostility to the legacy of whiteness. The Loyal White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan were similarly motivated by the perceived threat to American whiteness. Its members — 50 strong — converged on Charlottesville that July to march around and shout “white power” as hundreds of counter protesters responded with “racists go home.” How did the mad ravings of a bunch of intellectually confused, racially paranoid misfits end up spurring a national debate over the limits of free speech, the meaning of the First Amendment, and the moral obligation of the president of the United States? One reason is that — despite Kessler’s efforts to cast himself as the Martin Luther King Jr. of white rights — the rally engendered fears of made-for-TV-scale violence. As news of the event spread, and some sense of its size became clear, several local businesses announced they would temporarily close out of concern for the safety of their customers and employees. The University of Virginia, located in Charlottesville, asked students to stay away. Many rally participants showed up armed with rifles and other deadly weapons (thanks to Virginia’s open carry laws). Indeed, even before the rally’s scheduled noon start time, Kessler’s congregation had ignited so much hostility and ugliness that local authorities labeled the gathering an “illegal assembly” and ordered participants to leave. In the end, the racist, anti-Semitic hate-fest caused three deaths. Two of the dead were state troopers. Berke Bates and H. Jay Cullen, assigned to monitor the gathering from the sky, died when their helicopter crashed. The third victim was Heather Heyer, a 32-year-old paralegal. James Alex Fields Jr., a 20-year-old Adolf Hitler fanatic from Ohio, killed Heyer by intentionally plowing his car into a crowd of counter protesters — injuring some 19 people in addition to Heyer, who died from blunt-force injury to her chest. Following the tragedy, Donald Trump famously condemned the “hatred, bigotry, and violence on many sides.” His words provoked a controversy that went on for months as Trump proved incapable of criticizing the racist mob without also condemning those who opposed it. Heyer’s mother, Susan Bro, was so sickened by the president’s words that she refused to take his condolence call. “I’m sorry. After what he said about my child,” Bro told CNN, and added, incredulously, “I saw an actual clip of him at a press conference equating the [counter] protesters … with the KKK and the white supremacists.” James Fields’ lawyers sought mitigation by stressing his history of mental illness. A psychologist testified that he had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 6 and later with schizoid personality disorder. His lawyers also delved into his childhood traumas, which included coping with the murder of his grandmother by his grandfather, who had subsequently killed himself. “James’s mental illness causes him to lose emotional and behavioral control in stressful situations,” said his attorneys, who claimed he had taken himself off his meds when he was 18, meaning he was medically untethered when he murdered Heyer. After pleading guilty, Fields received two life sentences — one in state court and the other in federal court. Even with Fields confined to prison, questions raised by Heyer’s murder — and the rally that caused it — reverberated. Trump’s troubling insistence on calling bullying bigots “very fine people” was perhaps inevitable given his need to placate a base that contains more than its share of people like David Duke, the former Ku Klux Klan grand wizard who promoted the rally as an effort to “take our country back” and who, after Heyer’s murder, thanked Trump via tweet for his “honesty & courage.” Duke also tweeted, “This is why WE LOVE TRUMP and WHY the FAKE NEWS MEDIA HATES TRUMP. He brings to light what the lying, Fake News Media Won’t. The truth is the media covers up horrific numbers of racist hate crimes against White people!” But putting the president and his behavior aside for the moment, what about the free speech community — the civil libertarians who successfully fought in court for Kessler’s right to hold his rally in downtown Charlottesville? The city had wanted to move Kessler’s parade of bigotry to another park, one farther from the heart of town that officials claimed would be easier to police. But Kessler had said no; and the American Civil Liberties Union, along with a local outfit called the Rutherford Institute, had sued the city on Kessler’s behalf. Following the event, the ACLU was heavily criticized — and also lauded — for standing up for the racist rabble-rousers. Glenn Greenwald, best known for reporting on U.S. surveillance programs brought to light by whistleblower Edward Snowden, forcefully defended the ACLU. Civil liberties advocates, he argued, “defend the rights of those with views we hate in order to strengthen our defense of the rights of those who are most marginalized and vulnerable in society.” Others were not so sure. The Guardian reported on an erosion in “the belief that the KKK and other white supremacist organizations are operating within the bounds of acceptable political discourse — rather than as, say, terrorist organizations — and therefore have a moral right to be heard.” Jessica Clarke, a law professor at Vanderbilt University Law School, pointed to studies showing that bigots routinely hid behind free speech arguments as a cover for racism. Highly prejudiced people, she noted, “were less likely to voice First Amendment objections when the threatened speech was race-neutral, suggesting their free speech concerns were more about the freedom to express racist prejudice than free speech in general.” Legal scholar Laura Weinrib noted that the ACLU had never blindly supported free speech but had done so in the fight for a better society; and she wondered whether “a dogged commitment to free speech” was still the best strategy for an organization pursuing social justice: “The balances have shifted dramatically since the 1930s. In recent years, nearly half of First Amendment victories have gone to corporations and trade groups challenging government regulation. Free speech has served to secure the political influence of wealthy donors. Labor’s strength has plummeted, and the Supreme Court is poised to recognize a First Amendment right of public sector employees to refuse to contribute to union expenses. Long-settled principles of American democracy are newly vulnerable, and hate has found fertile terrain.” Even Susan Herman, president of the ACLU, questioned whether old assumptions about free speech still applied: “We need to consider whether some of our timeworn maxims — the antidote to bad speech is more speech, the marketplace of ideas will result in the best arguments winning out — still ring true in an era when white supremacists have a friend in the White House.” Leslie Mehta, the young black attorney who was legal director of the ACLU of Virginia when it took the Kessler case, seemed confident, when I interviewed her in the aftermath of Heyer’s death, that she had made the right decision. “There were certainly lots of conversations between myself and the executive director. There were a lot of revisions back and forth with briefs and having discussions about potential implications, but nobody has a crystal ball and no one [knew] exactly what [would] ultimately happen. I do think that the First Amendment has to mean something. And at the time, it was my understanding … that there was no evidence that there would be violence.” Mehta, a native of Woodland, North Carolina, is intimately familiar with the South and with the United States’ legacy of brutal racial oppression. She went to historically black Howard University School of Law because of its reputation for creating lawyers devoted to “social activism and social justice.” But she also is adamantly committed to the idea of free speech. “I think one of the reasons why free speech is so important to me is because … it exposes what you disagree with. And for me, I think it’s important to hear things like our president saying … ‘Well, there are good people on both sides.’” Mehta also thought it was important to consult with her mother and her 92-year-old grandmother as she proceeded with the Kessler case. Her grandmother, she confided, “never said that she fully agreed or disagreed [with Mehta taking the case], but she did not think that I was wrong.” As anyone trying to understand the Charlottesville fiasco quickly discovers, the issue of speech — particularly in a society polluted by racism and largely defined by economic inequality — is endlessly complex. So let me begin this journey with a brief exploration of how the U.S. came to embrace such a broad notion of free speech, and let’s look at some decisions made in its name. ••• We tend to think our current conception of free speech has been around essentially since the beginning of the republic. In truth, our firm and collective embrace of the First Amendment is a relatively recent phenomenon. The Constitution was drafted at a time when the Founders had rejected foreign tyranny. They were wary of the potential power of a centralized state. So the Bill of Rights was a balancing act, weighing not only the rights of individuals versus government in general but also the rights of states versus the federal government. Indeed, at the time the Bill of Rights was ratified, the First Amendment did not apply to the states. As legal scholar David Yassky has pointed out, the Constitution’s guarantee of free speech was “quite weak — at least to contemporary eyes. A citizen in 1800 had no absolute right to free speech; if the speech-restricting law was a state law, the Constitution was silent.” Eventually that changed, and that had a lot to do with the Civil War, the end of slavery, the 14th Amendment, and assorted court decisions. But even after the Reconstruction era, free speech, as we understand it today, was nothing but an aspiration, which is one reason that Southern states could effectively outlaw agitation for abolition. Free speech is very much an invention of the 20th century. And that concept of speech is very idealistic, inextricably linked to the notion that in the competition of ideas, good ideas generally crowd out bad. That argument received its most famous articulation in a 1927 case: Whitney v. California. At its center was Charlotte Anita Whitney, a wealthy California blueblood convicted of joining the Communist Party. She argued that her prosecution violated the Constitution. The Supreme Court unanimously disagreed. But even in disagreeing with her position, Louis Brandeis (joined by Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.) produced a brilliant and eloquent exegesis on the potential of free speech to enact social change: “Those who won our independence believed that the final end of the State was to make men free to develop their faculties, and that, in its government, the deliberative forces should prevail over the arbitrary. They valued liberty both as an end, and as a means. They believed liberty to be the secret of happiness, and courage to be the secret of liberty. They believed that freedom to think as you will and to speak as you think are means indispensable to the discovery and spread of political truth; that, without free speech and assembly, discussion would be futile; that, with them, discussion affords ordinarily adequate protection against the dissemination of noxious doctrine.” As Brandeis saw it, free speech was virtually a sacred right and an awesomely powerful force that would expose “falsehood and fallacies” and “avert … evil by the processes of education.” Hence, the remedy to bad speech was “more speech, not enforced silence.” That piece of writing has been deemed one of the most important commentaries ever crafted on the First Amendment. But Brandeis assumed something that has not been borne out by facts, which is that the better argument would generally win. He also assumed that relevant people on all sides of a question were equally capable of being heard and that skeptics were interested in listening. That fallacy continues to inform the thinking of those who see speech as inherently self-correcting. Much as many of us admire Louis Brandeis’s mind and spirit, the society he envisioned has never existed. Instead, we have created a society in which lying is both endemic and purposeful. We have brought the worst values of advertising into the political sphere and wedded that to long-established tactics of political propaganda, even as our political class has learned to use social media to spread disinformation that propagates at a breathtaking rate. The very idea that political speech would expose and therefore vanquish “falsehood and fallacies” now seems incredibly naïve. Free speech always had limits. But because of our new technological reality, because of the unexpected weaponization of speech, we are having to consider those limits in a new light. We live in a world where it is far from clear that the answer to bad speech is more speech; and where a foreign power, thanks to our freedom of expression, may well be responsible for the election of a U.S. president. We live in a time when a frightened white minority within the larger white majority fights to maintain control of our country; and when large corporations and cynical functionaries — eager to exploit fear — have a bigger megaphone (including their own television news networks) than anyone speaking for the powerless and dispossessed. We live in an era when the U.S. awarded its presidency to a man who lost the election by roughly 3 million votes, and who, with the cooperation of a submissive Senate, has appointed judges determined to thwart the will of the public; has proposed policies, supported largely by lies, designed to further divide an already polarized nation; and caters to an irrational mob whose most fanatical elements want to refight the Civil War. All of this raises a host of difficult questions: If the Brandeisian view of speech is fatally flawed, what is a better, or at least a more realistic, view? Is it possible to reverse these trends that are destroying our democracy? How do we balance an array of important societal values that compete with the value of free speech? How, in short, do we enable a relatively enlightened majority to rescue our country from an embittered, backward-looking minority? And what happens to speech — which has never been totally free — in the process?

Published September 21, 2020 at 01:40PM via ACLU (https://ift.tt/3iRPsAm) via ACLU

#IFTTT #ACLU

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nancydhooper · 4 years

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The Short Life and Curious Death of Free Speech in America

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8247012 https://www.aclu.org/news/civil-liberties/the-short-life-and-curious-death-of-free-speech-in-america via http://www.rssmix.com/

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mbti-notes · 7 years

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As a racial minority I often have to explain what it's like to people and sometimes I get into uncomfortable debates. I'm feeling tired but I know these are good conversations to have in this political landscape (US). Any tips for how to cope?

Each of these conversations is unique insofar as you may not always know the exact experiences, beliefs, and values that the individuals bring to the table. Obviously, some people are more open-minded than others, some are better communicators, some more emotional, some more defensive, etc. When you meet a problem, it helps to learn from people who understand it and handle it well. E.g. Why was MLK able to change hearts and minds? He did not shy away from these difficult conversations and he seemed tireless in his efforts to advance racial equality, how did he do it? What I personally take from him is this: 1) Understand the problem as this will reveal the most appropriate solution, and 2) Intention matters.

One way to understand racism is as a problem of social division (like sexism, ageism, etc). Social division results in some groups possessing more power and privilege while the non-favored groups experience systemic prejudice and discrimination. As only one person, you may not have the power to change institutional racism from the top down, but you have some power to educate and create change from the bottom up.

Institutionally, the group in power wants to preserve power and they willalways resist efforts to establish equality. This is a very difficult obstacle to overcome but it can be sidestepped at the individual level because not many people live their daily life knowing that they are acting alongside larger social movements. For example, a white person may choose to move to a “better” neighborhood without realizing that they are contributing to systemic segregation. People don’t get to choose the race they’re born into, so do not conflate individuals with the group they belong to as not every person benefits equally from systemic privilege or suffers equally from systemic prejudice.

It’s easier to reach people through face-to-face contact because it humanizes the problem and makes it immediately relevant to them personally, which is why diverse social environments naturally produce a decline in racist attitudes. What perpetuates social division is the inability or unwillingness of different groups to understand one another, therefore, one good way to heal social division at the individual level is to try to bring people closer together whenever possible, to get them to listen to each other and sympathize enough to want to address the problem as allies.

When choosing a method to tackle the problem of racism, ask yourself whether it is going to bring people together and lessen the social divide. If not, it’s not a good method. E.g. When you speak, is what you’re about to say going to increase understanding OR increase conflict? When you feel compelled to join a debate, is it because you really want to help or because you feel vindictive or want to assert your superiority/righteousness?When you want to criticize someone, are you respecting their dignity or are you dehumanizing them (same as racists do)? When you want to judge someone as morally “bad”, are you being fair to them OR are you mistaking ignorance for maliciousness? If you don’t have the right intention, you’re more likely to find yourself entangled in exhausting debates that get negative results.

If the problem is social division, then the solution should reduce that division. If your underlying intention is to solve the problem, your actions are more likely to be productive. Activists like MLK successfully moved the needle because they thoroughly understood the concept of “violence”, they understood that violence can arise when a person acts with morally impure or malicious intention. Any form of violence undermines the effort to fix social division because all it does is produce a never-ending cycle of backlashes that gradually pushes each side to extremes, thus exacerbating social division. You can even observe this happening between people/groups who are supposedly on the same side of an issue whenever they descend into attacking potential allies instead of building common ground.

Humans are irrationally tribal creatures, they are very easily tricked into taking sides and then sticking to their side even against their best interests. Therefore, it is quite easy to get derailed during contention debates, e.g.: debates get emotional and then people speak out of anger or defensiveness, immature/underhanded debate tactics drag everyone down and destroy productive discourse, having to consider multiple perspectives makes it hard to stay on track, debates don’t go anywhere if people oversimplify or talk over each other, etc. You often see debates sink into retaliation or pettiness when people feel hurt or aggrieved but how often do these emotional impulses actually help to solve a problem? In fact, it becomes easy for bad actors to exploit you when you are so easily provoked into attack or outrage mode (see: Fox News or Russian election interference on both sides).

No matter the crimes or injustices activists like MLK, Gandhi, or Mandela witnessed/experienced firsthand, they did not waver in their intention to heal rather than attack. There were people who criticized them for being too soft/weak, those who wanted to be more efficient and forceful, those who argued that revolution requires blood sacrifice. In the end, who among them continues to inspire people to fight the good fight?

If you make a point to put uplifting moral principlesat the forefront of your mind at all times (like equality, justice, unity, integrity, dignity, respect, non-violence), you are less likely to get derailed by dark emotional impulses, you can better sustain a hopeful attitude that energizes your activism, and you will not inadvertently dehumanize the people you’re arguing with (which would only sabotage your efforts in the long run).

Emotions are a strong motivator of action, so channel anger, hurt, disappointment, discouragement, etc, into positive action by always remembering what your ultimate goal is. This not only applies to political debates, it also applies to relationships in general. A lot of people claim to want better connection but you wouldn’t know it from observing the way they communicate, the way they argue and nitpick at each other.

It’s not your responsibility to educate people though it is admirable that you want to. Remember proper self-care: When you don’t feel like having that discussion, don’t. You’re not a saint, you can’t always be “on”, so pick and choose your battles wisely. You won’t be effective if you’re tired and feeling down. If necessary, process or talk out your feelings with a sympathetic person before you get back in the ring.

Target people who are more moderate (those who are busy living everyday life and don’t really pay close attention to social issues) because educating them tends to produce a positive ripple effect in their social circles. Beware of the extremists because they are irrationally motivated to hate and demonize you; there will always be some people like this in society, you can try to reach out or reason with them but don‘t waste time when it becomes obvious that you won’t get anywhere, don’t let them suck the hope out of you (because that is what they want). You are human and your energy is limited, use it where it counts the most.

#politics #communication #race #criticism #disagreement #relationships #ask

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