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s0lar-ch3ri · 11 months

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ep 51-52 spoilers but i gotta get the thoughts out man (also some for ep 2 of the black rose pirates oneshot)

ok so im going to do it all at once but like the amount of times i panicked with gill and shit over things like the moment the arm was mentioned i KNEW it was jon and how gillion risked so much to save him

(imagine a world where gillion didnt make it and slowly froze to death and was comforted by the ideas of jay and chip making it yet felt ashamed and disappointed as he couldn't save jon or pretzel and on the other side it could be either jay or chip wanting to stay longer and trying to get them back or them both just sobbing at the door because gills fucking dead and- i should stop hurting me emotionally huh)

back to what actually happened im so happy they all ended up fine and shit and id help gill with a villain arc if they did both die (both being jon and pretzel)

more about gillion its just something with how his "insult" wasnt really an insult but rather something he believed that he knew would hurt chip. something how grizzly also used the word sin for dark secret and then gillion talks how he got banished and he probably was very nervous about it going south yet they thought his punching of the navy was kickass.

the fact that gillion hugged jay thinking she was his sister is so sweet yet i could tell from the beginning that edyn wasnt real. i just got the sense for pain man

take gill giving chip a ring and him getting flustered about it whatever way ya want, im just thinking how fucked hed be if jay and chip did indeed fight each other (also you cant tell me that he wasnt taught it by his sister and his test was pretzel who knew how dangerous it could have been yet he could tell she wanted to bond it and so gill has a ring on him somewhere and they pretend that the magic is still in effect and it makes them even closer then before)

chip was a fucking bastard with the whole secret pressuring thing, and grizzly knew. and he used it to fuck up their friendship harder. making the people chip cares for the most (which btw thats so fucking cute writing bout that next) attack him and having someone jay cares about attack someone she also cares about maybe even more while giving gill such a tame one is grizz's plan. worst part is gillion would be used to them teasing each other so he may brush the growing hatred off as just something human friends do. GOD GRIZZLY WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS

theres something sweet about bizly telling grizz the people chip cared for the most was jay and gillion because it sounds like he didn't mention arlin, implying chip cares for gillion and jay more then arlin and thats beautiful.

my heart hurts seeing the idea of chip having such bad trust issues and wondering if these guys actually care for him yet he pulls up the wall with insults manned and ready just so that he doesn't need to accept that people he cares about exist and doesn't need to worry about them going away and i made myself pain again AHHHHHHHH

i remember seeing a post about jay being an easy crier and how it doesnt make her any less a girlboss and i fully heartedly agree because aprt of her girlbossness she can acknowledge her barriers and when shit crosses the line and she doesnt hide it up and maybe that inspires chip and gill to be more open about their boundaries and emotions and ill stop before i make more pain but yeah def proven by the flesh room

i dont know if anyone else made the comparison but yall know when finn arlin and dray were going down the hallway and each got flashbacks and shit? the mirages were probs a reference and it was the same order too (charlie, bizly, then condi) and i freaked when i realized!

of course jon is what got gillion pumped up and bsck to his gill self because theyre gay af guys

that ring thing between gill and chip was so fucking gay omfg i hope they keep them happy pride month

the fact that gill just had to be in the middle of chip and jay fighting and idk why i do this to me but maybe he felt bad cause of the shit he said cause while jay and chip said a ton of things and they did feel bad a bit what if gillion felt like he had fucking sinned with this insult because of how bad chip seemed to feel and he just cant help but feel like he helped and all that and god how let me be a fan fic writer

okay comfort for me now (its poly pirates i love them ok) but since gill believed jay enjoyed the clown outfit (plus she mentiondd that she gave up on her dreams) he ends up trying to make one and hes a lil nervous but he asks chip for help and jay just finds them in the room with gill practicing sowing as chip helps him make a clown outfit and jay just is mesmerized by how hard gillion is trying and how chip is just so calm with him and they seem as though this is one of the most important tasks of their lives (for chip its more of making gill happy by helping him learn to sow) and after a bit jay goes back up and what do you know 1 or 2 hours later jay is given a wrapped box by gill who seems very excited and ahe opens it and finds the clown outfit chip helped make and she glances up to see chip give gill a thumbs up and wink and she smiles and tears up at how much effort they spent into making this

more poly pirates comfort coming next post but its really just gonna be writing fanfic ideas that i WILL make after i write a couple moee chapters of my scu fic

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pengosolvent · 1 year

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"punishment occuring to marl" what punishment, the guy got away scotfree back then as far as its known. unlike glip and eevee he had no online rep to be destroyed by his tendencies towards dogs and children coming to light and it all sounded like you and glip quickly gave up reporting him to any sort of authority or really anyone who could do something about it cuz something something his daddy was a cop. how convenient.

that last sentence it reveals such a distrust why are you here asking me anything if it sounds like you already don't trust my words? what are you expecting? me to try even harder with a justice system that has hurt me when you don't even care about me? that's the impression you have given me

i'm serious… why did you send this ask? if youre upset, you certainly did not state it what are you expecting as a response? like what kind of a response could i give that actually changes or moves anything from this question?

my first attempt to talk to the cops was like ten years ago before i ever reconnected with glip, and the cops didn't care they literally did not care i left from there feeling horrid, that no one cared about what had happened re: marl it's part of why i didn't try to talk about marl sooner

i have tried and just because it's not enough for you, doesn't mean i owe anyone any sort of efforts in this regard if you reply in this tone again, i am blocking you because i do not feel there is anything productive here if you reply going "well you should have tried again and again until something happened" i am blocking you, because i do not exist to pour effort into a void like that why is marl my responsibility? i did genuinely already try, i gathered up so much info to report things i already tried! i spoke to multiple different authorities

at this point, its up to them

if you are upset that marl didnt go to jail, maybe look at the justice system and be upset in their direction instead

i literally cannot make them care you exerting pressure on me like glip and i should be able to do something and haven't done enough just makes me feel like no matter what we do will not be enough for you because it was not up to us

"how convenient"? why put out a feeling of doubt like this? you trying to push shame on me isn't going to magically make anything change i have no reason to lie about that aspect??? literally, that's something that was known to me since like what 2015 or something i remember there was even shit on KF about how marl's dad was a cop, this is literally something that had been known for a while? marl literally talked about how he knew how to get away with murder because his dad was a cop!!! you talk like that is so "convenient" but it does not feel convenient to be around someone who will literally express being able to kill someone and get away with it! thats terrifying actually! you ignore that there are feelings at play here that made things difficult, you ignore that sometimes the justice system in the US is bloated and terrible, it seems like you ignore things to just land on "you guys just gave up quickly. how convenient."

life is not simple like this it is not as simple as "these two people just didnt try hard enough to do the thing"

also, "punishment" in my wording does not mean "he got got by the law"

"punishment" was me writing my callout and including him, how he'd basically cower over ever being mentioned, how he'd have to write shitty apologies or such, or how in 2018 the logs dropped and he got some heat on him

it registered as "punishment" to me at those times in that other people caused something bad (emotionally distressing) to marl

i did not intend "punishment" to even mean "equal to what glip and eevee got"

the focus of that part was "any time anything bad happened to them, it didn't actually help me heal and didn't actually make me happy"

it didn't and doesn't make me happy that marl suffered because i don't know if he'll ever understand or care about what he's done i've had to find closure elsewhere

suffering doesnlt prevent people from continuing to do horrible things, pain getting tangled can actually make people become normalized to doing horrible things

edit: ugh tumblr editor is so WEIRD it copy pastes my stuff wrong!!! sorry, there was a weird double section here

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crystalbabymoon · 2 years

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I know that I have grown because I just read the nastiest comments from skinny people talking hot shit about fat people and I didn't feel a thing besides "People are dumb and entitled in ways they don't understand".

Anyhow I hope karma doesn't eat yall up too much. I know it must suck to have such a bitter ass heart. Your claws are sticking out, get it together. That socially acceptable pretty face and body can only hide so much.

Try being a decent person, it gets you farther in life when the "odds" are against you. Also try reading a book and opening your mind to the fact that being skinny will always be socially better than being fat. What is it that companies want? Socially acceptable bodies working for them/with them.

Who do Healthcare providers care for the most?

Say it with me now "Socially acceptable bodies"

Who do people listen to the most? You guessed right. "Socially acceptable bodies"

And who gets listening to more about any food related problems they may have?

"Socially acceptable bodies"

Now if you're a smart cookie, you'll know that everyone experiences something shitty. But this isn't about your feelings. This isn't a competition about who gets hurt the most. This is about how the world has been set up to appease skinny people and skinny people alone. Actually no, skinny white women get the gold. I've personally seen how skinny white women treat fat white women and wow. Fat white men are still men so they are always going to get the hirer ups over women regardless. Minorities fall next with hate from white people and their own people. (Being a fat black person, shoot, thats some shit right there. Especially if you have skinny siblings or family members. I know every "fat" child knows this trauma)

And to fat people who fat shame other fat people.....

Are you blind to the fact that you are in the same boat? Do you think skinny people will respect you if you do this. Do you think you're better than the person you are shaming? Cause if you're shaming anyone ever for their body, you're a piece of shit.

"Well you're heavier than me" well bitch we're both still heavy, I didn't know I was in a contest.

The only thing that bothers me about the things I spoke on, outside of the obvious stuff, is that people really explain things that happen to them as a means to say "well this happen to me and that hurts more than what happen to you. So what happen to you means nothing".

The first time I tried to kill myself was in 5th grade. I've been dealing with shame from everyone around me since I turned 8 and started gaining, im 21 now have a number of attempts im not going to mention. Never once in my life did I feel the need to talk about the fuck shit that happen to me to invalidate anyone's life. Never once have I dismissed someone because their body was different from mine. In fact I show love to all my girls (guys included) even if I don't know them regardless of their body. Never once have I not been friends with someone or ignored someone because of their body type. But a fuck ton of skinny (and whatever tf thick means) do this to fat / overweight people.

Feelings and facts are two different things. Go do some reading and stop thinking just because you were hurt emotionally or physically for being skinny that most skinny people go through that or that it's higher for skinny people than fat people in whatever statistic you came up with in your mind.

People aren't bringing this to the world's attention to cause a competition. We want some fucking support. We want yall to see how fat people are being ignored in Healthcare and are less likely to find jobs. We are trying to get everyone to acknowledge this is some fuckery going on that involves something as superficial as bodies and as skinny people who have a better chance at being listened too can you show some fucking compassion and help us get our voices heard.

I hate that anyone gets hurt over something like a body. Who tf even wants to have a body at this point. But I want people of any body type to be listened too when they say they need help. Not looked at as if they are starving themselves or lying about not eating so much when they say they need help with eating food.

All of you angry at this post are just shitty fucking people and I block shitty people over here. Do some soul searching before you comment on here. Karma is crazy and when you end up in a situation with someone close to you heart ends up dealing with what you swear doesn't happen. Then you'll see how wrong and ignorant you are.

God speed.

#i will be skiny #fat to thin #weight #weight loss #lose weight #diet #fat girl #fat loss #getting skiny #fat #skinny #fatphobic #fatphobia

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levisgirll · 3 years

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can i request one where levi comforts his s/o during a panic/anxiety attack if thats okay? thank you!! <3

“𝙖𝙣𝙙, 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙢𝙚.” (𝙇𝙚𝙫𝙞 𝘼𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙭 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧)

warning: maybe a lil angst!

→Text: hello there!! Of course that would be okay to request this <3 this reminds me 2 months ago when I had a small anxiety attack and my 'friend' did not care for me and left me and that made me feel so awful- smh I just wish I had a levi sometimes in my life cause this man does care for people in a way that is just unique😭 I hope this was alright and you somehow feel some comfort while reading this <3 I made this as headcanons and I hope that is alright? If you want another without headcanons and a fanfic instead let me know c:

note: was listening to "my blood by twenty one pilots" idk why but this song popped in my head with this request and reminds me a lil of Levi with his s/o cause he won't ever leave them <3 also, I swear I think this is my fav fanfic I wrote cause lotsss of levi comfort ♡ (if you want some real love and comfort from levi right now, then read this I swear you won't regret it!)

little mention of anxiety, loads of fluff, aot world, headcanons ♡ —

Levi Ackerman is Y/N's boyfriend, their relationship was rather quite unique and special, in a way that both would understand each other, support one another, and Levi has always loved and cared for you. He really was loyal to you and respectful, like the man he was and despite he had such a big role as being a Captain, there was not a day he never not think of you and he had to always see you everyday.

With lots of expedition that you and Levi went on, it had been a burden on you and caused your anxiety to intensify over time and building up. You have not mentioned it to Levi and decided to push it behind the back of your head, and this has sadden Levi. Sad at the fact that you never shared this with him, you both promised each other to let the other know whatever difficulties you both are going through and he wanted to be the first to know and help out as your boyfriend. After all, you were really special to him.

With the last expedition, it has caused your stress to reach a level that was overwhelming and you sat in your shared bedroom with Levi all alone dealing with the soon attack you felt coming.

For the first time, you couldn't sleep and you stayed up this whole evening trying to go to sleep, but tonight was just not gonna happen.

Then, it hit you suddenly, you started to feel nausea, feeling unsteady and dizzy. With all the deaths of your comrades and once close friends, you were feeling a fear of losing control and afraid to go crazy. It was such a unknown feeling, you started to panic.

You sat down on the edge of your shared bed and put both hands on your face. Not after a while, Levi entered the bedroom and was holding a cup of tea. "Oh you are awake? Then you can have this...Y/N?" He noticed and felt something was off. His s/o's vibe was different, you even started to act different. He was quick to pick things up and was quite sharp, he then saw that you started to tremble.

"Hey....Y/N, can you hear me?" He said in full concern, as he left his tea on the table and threw his jacket on bed. He now bent down on one of his knee so he could get a better look on your face as he looked up while he left one hand on your lap. He noticed your heart beat was beating quickly, and you were panting a lot, difficulty of breathing and even concentrating.

"W-What is going on....I hate this feeling....L-Levi help me" As soon as he heard your words which sounded really sad and shaken and especially when you asked him for help, he did not hesitate and quickly tried his best to give you his full support.

"Okay Y/N, Stay with me alright?" He would say as he started to rub your thighs smoothly, and still kept on looking at you, his eyes never leaving you. "I f-feel as if I'm gonna lose it!" You yelled out and brought both of your hands on the top of your head, you wanted to scream out this feeling out of your head.

Your boyfriend Levi noticed you were losing control of your breathing and he then quickly reacted, "Y/N, listen to me" He said in a calm and serious tone, having his full attention towards you only, he wanted to help you refocus your attention. "Concentrate on your breathing. Just focus on the present." He would say and try to lead you to breathing in and out slowly with him. He would wait for you to take a deep breathe as he would hold your hands softly.

But, Y/N struggled, it was hard and they started to feel a bit nervous. Although, Levi was there for them, reminding them that he was here, and he is here to help them. "Oi you're with me, okay? Now breathe love." With his soft reassurance, you finally took a deep breathe and closed your eyes, now following him as you started to breathe slowly with him, and Levi would count slowly to 10 with you.

Levi would not go in for the “hand on the shoulder” until he gets your permission to do so. So, he wouldn't want to make you feel even more uncomfortable or nervous if he wanted to lean in more to hug you, caress your cheeks or kiss your forehead. So, he would cover you with his jacket to make you feel his warmth, incase you did not want him hugging you. But if you did want him to hold you, you would grab on his wrist softly, signaling him to hug you as he stood up and he would not waste a second to go and hug you as you sobbed and put your face near his abdomen. You could also hear his soft heartbeats and that would calm you down a bit as he caressed your hair and brushing it with his fingers while rubbing and massaging your shoulders. He wanted to make you feel at ease.

After you have calmed down, Levi would take you to the bathroom while patting your back and to help you wash your face gently and you could feel his soft hand caress your face, and you felt his love and care for you. He would grab you a face towel and even do it himself to dry your face.

Then he would hold your cheeks, and say with a small smile "I am proud of you. Good job. Now, tell me what you need?" His words made you feel just back into reality, and you were so grateful to him. His simple gestures, words held a lot of meaning and you really did feel his comfort and love. Levi is patient with his s/o, and he would praise Y/N all their efforts toward recovery, even if they are not meeting all of the goals he still finds that such a big achievement, he admires everything you do anyways cause he loved Y/N and believed in Y/N. He is willing to do anything if you just say the go. "You can get through this." Levi would say in a gentle tone, which would start to warm your heart and your cheeks would even start to get red.

Y/N then finally said in a low tone as he was waiting "Stay with me tonight...?". His heart would melt and feel fuzzy when he hears you say that after he tries his best to comfort you in his own way, he feels like he has won and felt he had helped you which made him actually happy. "Of course, where would I be tonight if it is not with you? I'm here." He would say as he put his forehead on yours and smiled a bit. Happy for him to hear that he would stay with you tonight and not him hearing that you wanted to be left alone because that would make him feel helpless.

You helped Levi a lot with your presence, just being alive, being next to him, sleeping with him. With your presence you especially helped him emotionally and mentally. It was hard for him to go through those nights alone too but while you were by his side and with your kind words to him, he felt really lucky. And now he wants to give that back to you, but x2.

Levi is a very calm guy, so he will sit down next to you, hold your hand, and wait for you to talk it out if you wanted that of course. He would always wait for you. But if you wanted him to talk instead, he would talk to you about his day, and he does that so he can refocus your attention to something else and not focus and bring back to what have triggered you feeling like this.

“I can be pretty talkative…So, why are you giving me that look?” He said with a smirk and he ruffled your hair as you gave him a surprised look and then giggled a bit when he said that to you. Wow, that small giggle really really warmed his heart and you had no idea how much that meant to him hearing that after what happened. He found you strong, even stronger than him and it was inspiring to him actually.

He would be serious, straightforward and I feel like he would now really show you how he is actually always there for you, and always would give you his full wholehearted support. Levi is a very silent and quiet man so if you decided to talk it out with him, he would really take in everything you told him and would keep it as a secret or anything to his heart. I swear he is the only man out there who would actually keep his word and he is really understandable. Just his expressions and actions shows it all.

He would try and take you out for a stroll, to help you break the atmosphere and be in the nature, breathing in the cold breeze as he would hold on your hand tightly. Levi would also bring a bottle of water along the way to help Y/N calm them. He wont ever leave your side at all.

He would offer medicine if Y/N usually takes it during an attack. Levi would memorize what it is and make sure to get that ready for them and even help them take it.

He would not agree to s/o avoid the things or situations that has caused them to feel anxious and have this attack. After all, he wanted only all the best for you and it always sadden him whenever he saw you go through this because you really mattered to him and you did not deserve this. So he would try after a couple of days talk it out with you and he would try and get rid of things or find out what are the things that trigger you and also tell you what to do if he is not there next that. "Just come to me, alright love?" He would say as he brought both of his hands, grabbing your face and caressing your cheeks with his thumb.

"It's not the place that is bothering you, it's the thought. Which these feelings are scary, but aren't dangerous and will pass, and I'm here to make that happen and to help you, alright love?" Levi would say and this would shock you, you were amazed at his words, how mature and wise they were. You knew Levi was smart but it seems like when he is serious and calm, he would say wise words to his s/o and this would comfort them a lot. He would only say his wise words when necessary.

With this all, Levi really helped you reduce the amount of stress you were having and got rid of this unknown feeling which started to make you breathe back normally and calmed down. With all his ways to comfort you, Levi prevented the situation from getting worse and that was his main concern and goal, you were his first priority.

I'm kind of happy how this turned out and I feel like this fits with Levi, he would only be like this only to his s/o and to be honest this also has comforted me and warmed my heart as I wrote this out! So, I really hope its the same with you all and this warmed your heart <3 if it did, please leave a like, a message or a reblog! Love you all and thank you for the support ♡♡♡

I’m Tagging!: @fangirlingbase 💕 (if you want to be tagged let me know 🥺)

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sopyop · 3 years

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alright thats it im writing my wilbur paradigm shift rant

A quick preface! I joined the fandom very late, like in Jan 2021 late. I haven’t experienced much of wilbur’s character live. But, I’m still throwing my two cents out here. Also, all this is about Wilbur’s dream smp character.

So, I’ve seen a lot of conversation around when Wilbur’s spiral truly started; with losing the election, in pogtopia, or all the way back at Eret’s betrayal. And additionally I’ve seen talk of where Wilbur’s character is right now. I think I have a solution(?) for both. Wilbur did experience a breaking point during the revolution, at Eret’s betrayal, and while it may be considered the root of his spiral there is a different thing at play in my mind. What Wilbur experienced at Eret’s betrayal was a paradigm shift.

For those unaware, a paradigm shift is something that happens when someone’s core beliefs are fundamentally challenged, and your entire world view is shaken. An example of this may be if someone falls out of a religion, or falls into one, or even something quite small. All of us have experienced paradigm shifts, and will continue to. We don’t have the same beliefs that we did as children after all.

There are three general ways to react to a paradigm shift: you continue to cling to your previous notion, despite knowing it isn’t true; you swing to the complete opposite of your previous belief; or you build a new paradigm with all the information you now have. Eret’s betrayal was the root of Wilbur’s paradigm shift, and he went through all three reactions.

Before Eret’s betrayal, we saw Wilbur’s leadership skills, his beliefs in his community, in the ideals of freedom and “sticking it to the man”, and of protecting those he cared about. We saw the trust he placed in all of original L’Manburgians, and that he trusted and cared enough to go to war for their perceived needs of freedom. I’m not here to debate the revolution, hell I wasn’t around during it. But Eret’s betrayal shook Wilbur’s paradigm of absolute trust.

I would even argue Wilbur’s beliefs of words over violence stem from this comradery and belief that the people he trusts are the most important thing to him. I will admit, I don’t have a strong handle on Wilbur pre-L’Manburg. But I think it’s fair to note the shift in Wilbur even back then.

To get back to the paradigm: After Eret’s betrayal, Wilbur’s paradigm is broken, and at first he clings to it despite it being shattered. We see this with him running for president; he’s trying to grasp on to that sense of duty and trust and the power of words he believed so much in. But, then Quackity points out that it’s a power grab, and more people show support for other parties, and more L’Manburgians also attempt to run. And Wilbur’s paradigm continues to be challenged.

Losing the election is when Wilbur abandons his paradigm. It had already been shattered by Eret, but the election’s loss has solidified in his mind that he was wrong in what he believed during the revolution. And so he moves into the second form of coping with a paradigm shift: he goes to the complete opposite belief. No one around me are worthy of trust, words have no power, and the ideals L’manburg was founded on are wrong and corrupt.

(and just as a little storytelling nerd-out moment: That’s the kicker to me. Wilbur’s paradigm shift is something I find so fascinating because his paradigm was what quite literally shaped the world he lived in, and the world of so many others. Tommy still holds true to the paradigm Wilbur helped him shape, and while his has been challenged in so many ways (like by Wilbur’s spiral in Pogtopia, by Dream in exile, by Doomsday, by the prison; the list goes on), he has always continued to take the healthiest route of fixing it. By adapting and growing, while holding on to some of those core values that still ring true. Like trust. And seeing what happened to the literal embodiment of Wilbur’s paradigm even after he was gone makes it truly emotionally moving.)

So we move into Pogtopia, and Wilbur’s paradigm has yet to heal. He continues to spiral, he lashes out at those around him, and he plots to destroy L’manburg. Because, as I mentioned in my aside, L’manburg is the physical manifestion of Wilbur’s first paradigm. And now he can’t stand it.

And so L’manburg falls, and so does Wilbur. And through the lens of the circumstances of his death, as well as what we now know of his communication with Phil, his last speech gives us more insight into this paradigm. L’manburg was always his. It was the beliefs of a man who now refuses every single part of them that he used to hold dear. But it was also those beliefs that he continued to preach to his father in letters that eventually stopped being sent. And those beliefs were flipped in Pogtopia, like black to white and white to black, and have now been crushed by rubble.

But Wilbur dies, L’manburg rebuilds, with the ideals of new leaders and new struggles. Ideals of protection, and peace, and trust. And Ghostbur joins the game.

Ghostbur is an interesting character to me. In the lens of Wilbur’s paradigm, he is everything Wilbur believed without the fighting spirit. He is a good representation of what I understand of New L’Manburg; peaceful, and passive, and trusting. That trust, I think, is what Wilbur holds as the core of his paradigm. It’s what truly got shattered with Eret, what was abandoned in Pogtopia, and what is echoed in Ghostbur. Ghostbur trusts everyone he comes across, and we as the audience now get to see how naive that trust truly is. It gets Ghostbur lost in the snow while Tommy suffers, it get Friend killed during Doomsday, and it is eventually what gets Ghostbur killed, and gets Wilbur back.

Wilbur was dead for a long time, from his perspective. And right now, he’s seeing the world again. He knows now that his feelings in Pogtopia were self destructive and wrong. And he doesn’t want to feel like that again. What we are seeing now is Wilbur building a new paradigm.

“My L’manburg.” “My sunrise.”

Wilbur is exploring the new world of the SMP, and as an audience his actions are often confusing and contradictory. He’s grasping for straws, flitting between new places and attempting to rebuild bridges without truly fixing them. He’s trying to regain trust and build a new paradigm.

Wilbur, while being guite a morally grey character, has always shown very black and white thinking. Now that he’s back, he’s continuing those habits of absolutes but showing more of his awareness of those moral greys. Before, we got him jumping from believing himself to be a ‘good guy’ to a ‘bad guy’. We went from the ‘us versus them’ mentality of the revolution to the same mindset echoed poorly in the election, to ‘everyone versus me’ in Pogtopia.

Absolute trust like what Ghostbur had didn’t work. No trust like Pogtopia Wilbur had didn’t work. The community Wilbur built as a leader betrayed him. And so he goes to Phil and thanks him for killing him and asks for a place to stay. And so he says he would have murdered Dream for what he did to Tommy but he claims Dream’s his hero. And so he goes to Quackity and asks to be his servant, he lashes out when Quackity rejects him, and he clings to Tommy’s trust like it’s all he has. And in many ways, it is. Wilbur hasn’t been with anyone in over 13 years. And so he lies and he jokes and he lashes out, and begs Tommy not to leave while claiming right after that he doesn’t care. He hasn’t had anyone place trust in him or had anyone to trust. He’s taking any sign of remote kindness as something he can latch on to, and Dream bringing him back is a very sturdy olive branch. Wilbur wants trust. And yet he knows how it fails.

And so the sunrise is his, just like L’manburg was, but it’s not quite built on anything yet. And we have to only hope the paradigm Wilbur builds this time is healthy and stable.

#dsmp #wilbur #dsmp wilbur #dsmp analysis #dsmp wilbur analysis #soopspeaks #please reblog this i worked so hard #character analysis #long post #c!wilbur #c!wilbur analysis #mught jump off the deep end and go more in to Tommy's experience with Wilbur's paradigm #or i might just pass out

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a-pretty-nerd · 4 years

Text

Self Indulgent Shigaraki Nonsense Part 2!

Tomura Shigaraki x pregnant!reader headcannons

Lmao I'm obsessed with this idea, I'm having so much fun with it. I love it, and I hope you guys like it too!

Warnings: Pregnancy and pregnancy related issues.

(I couldn't find the original artist for this, but just know that someone out there is a very talented artist lol)

After the initial reaction,

Shigaraki doesn't want to take you back home to the others. He doesn't want anyone to know.

He still wants you to get an abortion. It makes you feel, unwanted. The more he mentions it, the more it hurts you.

You knew he wouldn't be happy or excited about this, but neither were you. This just, hurt.

He stayed with you a few more nights in the hotel. He didn't want to leave your side, apart of him was afraid you'd still run. That you'd choose the baby over him. The other part, wanted desperately to protect you. To keep you safe and to him, an abortion would.

It would leave you free and untethered to him. He knew, objectivley, you shouldn't be with him. And he knew that if you ever needed to, in order to keep yourself safe, he would understand. But the idea of losing you made him unreasonably upset. What felt like sadness would soon turn to rage. He just, didn't want to lose you. He thought it was selfish of him to think that way, but he couldn't help it. It tore him apart from the inside out.

The years of having you around made him emotionally dependent. You cared for him in ways no one else had. He stayed up at night wondering where you had been his entire life. You felt like a missing piece of a puzzle.

He layed with you in bed one night, unable to sleep. He watched your sleeping form, the way your chest heaved up and down with every breath. His eyes ran over your body as a few fingers pulled away the covers. He eyed your belly. He felt his stomach turn as he thought about it all.

There was already so much he didn't know. He didn't really even understand how you knew you were pregnant or what stage you were at. What would a baby like his look like? Visions of a horrible monster came to mind. No matter what, it was no good. He had to convince you to get rid of it before it was too late. Before it tore you apart.

The basis for his fears were unknown, even to him. He knew thats not how things really worked, he knew his fears seemed ridiculous to you, but still. He felt guilty. He felt a sense of dread as he thought about it. It took two after all. He felt like he had condemned you. He like he had wronged or hurt you.

"This love, loves the trouble." He remembered you saying. He thought you were being foolish, blinded by your feelings to see realisticly. How could you not see? You were doomed. If the monster inside you wouldn't kill you, then it would tie you to him for forever. It'd be born into a world he hadn't solved yet, even if it could help him, it wasn't a tool. If you ever needed to leave, go off and be safe somewhere else, you couldn't. It would always tie you to him. It made him feel sick. You would never have the freedom he wanted for you.

You stirred in your sleep, your eyes slowly coming open before you turned to look up at him. He looked down at you, warm tears falling down an emotionless face. He was so lost in thought, he didn't realize he was crying.

"Uh, Tomura? Whats wrong? You're crying." You sat up and started to wipe the tears away from his cheeks before he wrenched himself from your grasp. He sat on the side of the bed, hunched over, before he got up to use the bathroom.

You sat there in wonder as you laid back down. He was no doubt thinking about the baby again. Baby. The word seemed foreign to even think about. A baby. Lost in thought, Shigaraki came back into the room. The light from the bathroom masking his silhouette in the door frame.

"You have to get rid of it." He mumbled.

"We've been over this before, I'm fine. Nothing bad is going to happen. Women have babies all the time, I promise-"

"No...you don't understand. You can't do this to yourself." He shuffled forward to the bed.

"What?"

"Think about it this way, you'll be rendered useless to the league. You and I were dangerous enough, but now,"

"Well damn, I didn't realize I'm such a fucking burden."

"THAT'S NOT-" He bit his tongue. Yelling at you or showing his anger never solved anything, it only made things worse. "You're not a burden. You're in danger. As a villian you run so many risks but the moment you got busy with me, you made yourself vulnerable. You made me, vulnerable. Adding a third into this, makes not only us more vulnerable but them as well. If the heroes knew we were involved with one another the way we are, they'd take advantage. They'd threaten you, they'd kill you if they got the chance."

"Then we won't give them that chance." You uttered. He balled his fists and turned away, holding his head down.

"It's not that simple. You don't understand."

"I understand just fine, Tomura. You don't think I haven't thought about all the ways this could go wrong? Tomura, you're all I have. You are my family regardless of a third party, you're my best friend and I love you with everything I am."

"This isn't about me. I can't promise you anything, I can barley keep you safe now. If you choose this, I can't do anything for you. I can't promise your safety or comfort. And especially not happiness." You crawled along the bed in a hurry before reaching out to grab ahold of his wrists. He froze.

"You make me happy." You told him. When he didn't move you spoke again. "You make me happy. All I want is you, all I want is to love you and be loved by you. I'm not asking for safety or comfort, I lost those a long time ago. I'm just asking for you." He stayed silent for a while, not moving or saying a word. The only sound in the room being his heavy breathing. "Tomura?"

"I feel torn." He rasped.

"Torn between what? Your war and me? You don't have to choose."

"No. Not that." He pulled his hand away from your grasp. "You would still choose me, choose me to be a father. Knowing what you know." You pasued and thought for a moment. He watched you.

"I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't mean to put you in such a difficult position. But I know you. I know how kind you can be. I know you're whole goal is to create a better world for people, to free humanity. I know the pain you struggle with and the issues you face. But there is no other soul I'd choose over you."

"You're so foolish." He sighed, crumbling as he sat down on the bed. You wrapped an arm around his shoulders and rested your forehead against the side of his. "How could a woman so smart, be so ridiculous?" He rested a palm on your knee.

"Love does that sometimes, doesn't it?" You spoke softly.

"It does. It makes me a fool." He turned his head to press his forehead against yours in a sweet gesture.

"For the record, I think you'd make a fine parent." He scoffed at you.

"I doubt I will." Will. Will? The word echoed in your mind.

"I guess you'll just have to wait and see." You said with a smile. Tomura leaned in and gave you a soft kiss. You leaned into it and took deep breaths as you ran your hands over his chest. He rested his palm over your hand placed on his knee.

"This isn't a game yknow. We don't get second chances here." He warned, squeezes your hand.

"I know."

"Its still early isn't it? You still have time to rethink." He told you, slowly turning and pulling you in to hold you tightly.

"I guess..." you trailed off.

"Just...if anything goes wrong...if anything happens to you..."

"I'll be fine." You reassured.

"You can't know that. How am I going to keep you safe?" He muttered to himself, tucking his face into your shoulder.

"I'll be more careful, I promise. And I'll stay away from dangerous missions, and I'll stay away from heroes from now on, alright?" You told him, rubbing your hands up and down his back.

"Just....think it over...please..." He begged.

"Alright...I'll think it over..." You made no promises. With that, Shigaraki agreed to bring you home. Not saying a word to anyone about your whereabouts. Toga asked you privately about your absence, mostly to confirm that you were alright. You brushed it off, saying it was a private mission or something like that.

Toga knew more than the rest. She asked more questions, knew more details. She knew the true extent of your relationship. Being a close friend of yours, she was trusted with more information than most. Others were lucky if Shigaraki even answered questions about your relationship, declaring it was none of their buisness and to leave him alone.

You didn't tell Toga, you couldn't. It wouldn't matter if she knew or not and getting someone else mixed up in your buisness was a bad idea. Life went back to normal, you went about your buisness as usual, but soon symptoms started to become more of a hazard as the weeks passed. Certain smells like cigarette smoke and eggs would make you violently ill. Nausea and fatigue haunting you throughout the day. You'd wake up feeling sore and groggy, unable to shake the feeling. It bothered Tomura.

He'd watch you raise from the bed and shuffle off to the bathroom with a deep stare. Observing you with a dark gaze. For the most part, he kept his opinions to himself. He knew there was little he could do. His only hope was that you would see "reason". If this is how you felt now, imagine your suffering later. The more pain and frustration you experienced, the more Tomura's heart ached. He felt responsible for your pain. Unable to shake the idea that he did this to you.

"Have you given it anymore thought?" He asked you. Entirely out of the blew, and while you were trying to relax no less. You laid on the floor, pillows piled underneath your head as you browsed your phone. Your feet propped up in his lap as he played a game on the Tv. You peered out from behind your phone screen.

"I have."

"And?" He didn't change his position or attitude.

"And what?" You looked back to your screen.

"Isn't the cut off date coming up soon?"

"Sure is."

"You have to make up your mind soon." You paused and thought for a moment. You watched him play.

"I have."

"Well?"

"I still want this." You told him. He paused his game and froze.

"I don't understand..."

"Pardon?"

"I dont understand!" He shouted. His anger directed out to the Tv instead of you. He dropped the controller and let his hands hang limp as he propped his elbows on your shins. "I don't understand... Taking so many risks... because of me."

"Well, we're villians. Isn't taking risks what lifes all about?"

"I...I'm sorry..." his shoulder began to bounce. His head hanging low while he balled his fists. You sat up, realizing he had started to cry. You placed firm hands on his back to rub and comfort him. He cried, his hands coming up to cover his face and wipe away his tears. "This is all my fault..." He squeaked.

"Tomura, sweety, it's okay." You held continued to rub slow soothing circles over his back. The other on his knee in an attempt to ground him.

"I don't understand...why...why you want this...I don't get it...it makes no sense!" He sobbed. "Why, WHY!?" He clung to you, reaching out to dig his gloved fingers into your sweater in an attempt to keep you close. You held him tight, running gentle fingers through his hair. You let him cry a little longer before answering.

"You know how they say 'love makes you do crazy things?'" You started.

"That's not a reason!" He argued.

"Well, sure, but...it's true isn't it. I mean, our relationship is evidence enough, right? But besides that, when I found out, I was scared too. I'm still scared. But the more I think about it, the more I want it. It makes me smile to think about. I get butterflies and its all I can think of. It's like, I'm falling in love with you all over again." He looked up from his place tucked away in your chest. His eyes red and tired from his crying.

"But why me?" He groaned, "you could have this with anyone you wanted. Why me?"

"Because I don't want anyone else," you squeezed him tight with a smile, "I want you." You planted gentle kisses on his tear riddled cheeks. He let out a soft sigh before pulling you in to give you a proper embrace. He tucked his face in your neck and took deep breaths, as if to savor the feeling of you so close.

"I'm still sorry," he grumbled, "I got you into this mess."

"Hey, it took two, right? Besides, I don't know about you, but I had fun." You squeezed his thigh, trying to lighten the mood. He squirmed in response.

"Not funny."

"What? For sex that good, I'd let you get me pregnant all over again." You chuckled in his ear. He squirmed again, his grip on you tightening.

"Don't say things like that." He scolded half-heartedly. His voice soft, he was embarrassed. You always knew how to get under his skin. Somehow, the way you did it, Tomura found it endearing. It felt fun and lightheaded the way you teased him. When you first did it, he tried to ignore it, he found you annoying and rude. But as time past, and he found your pestering of your fellow teammates pretty funny, he grew to enjoy your witty banter.

He slowly started to run kisses along your neck. He never really understood what you saw in him. Initially, he thought you wanting to be so close with him was an attempt to gain more power. But there was no evidence to support that, you just genuinely enjoyed his company. He found that bizarre. Tomura was well aware he had a bad attitude and was generally a pain in the ass to deal with.

But you got to him. When you were gone, he missed you. When you made a joke or teased, he laughed. When you were close, he felt warm and comfortable. More comfortable with you than without you. He grew way too attached for his liking. Especially now, he cursed himself for loving you. He called himself selfish and reckless and stupid. He beat himself up for it.

Regardless, if this is what you wanted, he would make this happen for you. But as the deadline came and went, he grew more and more paranoid. If the Heroes got ahold of you, it was game over.

#shigaraki #tomura shigaraki #tomura shigaraki x reader #shigarak x reader #tomura shigaraki x pregnant reader #shigaraki x pregnant reader #dad!shigaraki #shigaraki as a dad #shigaraki with a pregnant partner

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recurring-polynya · 3 years

Note

I have to say I knew that at one point renji, ikkaku, yumichika and iba were in the same squad with kenpachi but good god you managed to paint a beautiful picture for me. I simply assumed that for them it was simply party time all the time along with a few bald jokes but this is much better. Emotionally healthy squad 11 which still love fighting more than anything. I always cringed when someone would just describe them as hooligans that do nothing but fighting. I mean they do that too but I love the idea that they are all emotionally healthy and mature, a loving and supportive family to their own - in their own wakka doodoo kind of way thats endearing - and of course they are in my opinion they single capable force against sexisim. Because they don't care about anything else - gendere, sexuality, gender performances, race, mentality or anything - other than if you fight good you respectable and if you fight good in squad 11 you family. ( like when kenpachi just became captain he made yachiru his lieutenant and no one was against it no one thought it was beneath them, sure thru nag at her sometimes but that's mostly in a banter like way because she call them stupid nicknames but no one hates her for being unrightfully their superior. One day they got a new captain and a new lieutenant that's a child and they just went with it.) I admit their disdain and disrespect to squad 4 is still frowned upon but I do believe some squad 4s can handle their own, it's just that we saw the really peaceful ones. Anyways sorry for ranting. Just wanted to say that yeah, I really like how the past squad 11 with iba and renji in it was a great place in general. I think if they found out some one was being sexist - for whatever reason - they would be there right next to nanao - or iba's mom protesting. Kenpachi and yachiru as well. And that makes me want to be squad 11 ,despite not being much for fighting, so bad.

So, for starters, thanks! I try to have fun whenever I write Squad 11, and I’m glad you enjoy my take on them.

My Squad 11 is just... really not very canon, though. Canon Squad 11 is actually pretty gross and sexist. Yumichika is transphobic, Kenpachi makes homophobic remarks about Yumichika, they bully Squad 4, there’s a filler episode devoted to a guy that Ikkaku bullied for, like 100 years because the guy lost his reiatsu saving Ikkaku’s dumb ass.

When you write fanfic, you occasionally run into these more problematic aspects of the source media, and you can choose to dig in and analyze them, or just... remake them in your own way. Take for example, Gin. If you read fanfic about Gin, there are some people who will peel away the layers of him and his fears and insecurities and still make him be a horrible gremlin, and it’s really stellar writing. Other people prefer to write him in an AU where maybe less bad stuff happened to him, and he’s more mischievous than sociopathic, and this is a less meaty interpretation, but it’s also more fun. Sometimes fanfic is a meal and sometimes it’s candy. It fulfills different needs and different fantasies and all of it is welcome.

Yumichika, who for me is the fulcrum of Squad 11, presents this problem. I really don’t like the way his “appreciation for beauty” plays out in canon. He doesn’t actually appreciate beauty, he just likes telling other people they’re ugly. I don’t think he’s ever pointed out beauty in anyone else aside from himself or his zanpakutou. I remember the first time I watched his fight with Charlotte and it struck me as so off -- why wouldn’t he find her beautiful? I mean, I know it’s a transmysogynistic joke, that’s why, men dressed as women is funny, hurr hurr, but Yumichika is gender nonconforming himself. This was an opportunity to make a cool character point, and Kubo took the cheap laughs road instead. Going back to what I said last paragraph, a skilled writer could, in theory, write about his insecurities and his brittleness and meanness and write a pretty compelling story, but a) Kubo certainly doesn’t, and I have never actually found a Yumichika-centric fanfic of this nature, and b) this doesn’t fit the role I need him to play in my stories. I am rarely really interested in writing about Squad 11 for its own sake. I like to write them as a backdrop for the period of Renji’s afterlife where he hit absolute rock bottom and bounced back up again. We already know the role Ikkaku played in this, except that Ikkaku is a complete moron in terms of mental health, and I really, really felt like this is where Yumichika needed to come in.

I like to massage Yumichika’s character a bit, but I do want to keep the flavor of some of his character flaws-- he’s still shallow and mean and judgy, and I love that for him, but I like to add in a positive side to his appreciation for beauty. Having Yumichika make fun of Izuru’s pores is funny but it’s even funnier if he’s just given Renji a compliment on his hair first. The idea that a Yumichika compliment is attainable makes all his drags the more vicious. Yumichika also judged people by their beauty instead of their moral character, which is humorous to me. He dislikes Byakuya as a person, but is obsessed with his haircare regime. I like to have him treat Rangiku as an equal, beauty-wise, and a person whose opinion he respects based on her aesthetic. Rangiku is actually a pretty savvy and very emotionally intelligent person whom many people write off because she likes to present herself as a lazy airhead, so in an extremely convoluted way, this all works out. I like to think that Yumichika’s ideas of beauty are also caught up in boldness and risk-taking and having one’s outward presentation ring true to their inner self. To me, this is the core of why he loves Ikkaku. To him, Ikkaku’s devotion to doing the most Ikkaku thing at all times, no matter how stupid, is irresistibly sexy.

Aside: At some point, I decided that the fact that a lot of people in Bleach have colorful marks on their faces and elaborate hairstyle and accessory games implied that make-up in Soul Society is gender neutral. I like to think there is actually more of a divide between the nobility, who like their make-up to follow rules and be classy, and, well, Squad 11, who like to get make-up ideas from Jem and the Holograms. I don’t even wear makeup (I don’t know how and it’s expensive and I am ashamed of myself, we can talk about my own gender presentation later) but I like to write about both my male and female characters wearing make-up. I don’t actually know how my readers feel about it, but it just falls under the “Is that what people want?”/“It’s what we do” philosophy of all my writing.

I think one of the theses of my writing is that middle management is more important to the character of a squad than the person at the top. Captains sort of act as ideals to strive for, but they are generally unapproachable for one reason or another. Yachiru is more like her captain in this respect (which makes sense, since she is, in fact part of her captain). Ikkaku and Yumichika present this dual idea that 1) strength is awesome, fighting and being the best is awesome, and 2) part of strength is presenting yourself to the world in a bold and confrontational way. (The fact that both of them are hiding huge parts of themselves is laughably ironic). Kenpachi and Yachiru are shining examples of Do Whatever You Want and Be So Strong That No One Can Stop You.

What really makes this work is that you need someone one layer down-- does anyone actually subscribe to this nonsense, and that’s why Iba - Abarai Squad 11 is Best Squad 11. I really, really enjoy the genre of Reddit posts where a total bro will find out that his girlfriend is trans and react by becoming a vehement advocate for trans rights. I love the bodybuilders typing encouragement to each other meme. Our world is flooded with disingenuous messages from concern trolls trying to tell us why being kind and inclusive to one another is bad or that you should reject help because struggle makes you stronger and the idea of a Himbo looking at something like that and saying “that seems dumb" is delightful to me.

I actually feel like there are a lot of awful people with bad ideas in Squad 11, it’s just that Renji and Iba don’t put up with their shit, and over time, that becomes the culture of Squad 11. I think that Squad 11 has incredibly turnover, but the ones who stay are the ones who subscribe to the ideas you mentioned-- fighting is what matters, if you wanna go argue about shit, go join Squad 5. In the IkkaYumi story I wrote, which happens shortly after Zaraki takes over, a ton of people leave. The Bount Arc (which I know a lot of people skipped) features a dude who was extremely pissed off because he had liked the old Kenpachi and thought Zaraki sucked and was so mad about it that he betrayed Soul Society. You might think that this arc would feature Zaraki caring about this in some way shape or form, but he really didn’t. So, I think there are a lot of Soul Reapers that took issue with serving under a little girl as a vice captain, they just aren’t in Squad 11 anymore.

Oh, one last note on Iba’s mom. I am of an age where a number of my friends have mothers who were Second Wave Feminists. The moms in question are a real mixed bag, because they Came From a Different Time, and on one hand, you have to respect what they went through, and on the other hand, they are very difficult to get along with. I liked the idea that Iba has always chafed against his mom and her big personality, and then Renji comes in, and is like, “hey, your mom is strong as hell and she has a lot of ideas that I never thought of but they make sense” and Iba realizes that, even though she’s still a huge pain in his ass, his mom is the person who made him who he is. Moms are complex.

Uhhhh, I have definitely lost the thread of wherever I was going with this post. Thank you for enjoying my Squad 11, which is nothing like canon Squad 11. Hopefully maybe this year, I will actually finish my Squad 11 Self Care story, where Renji stops being a drunk disaster person after Yumichika teaches him how to fill his brows; I got stuck on a part where Rangiku gives Renji a talk on ethical sluttery.

#squad 11 #sometimes i look at Things I Have Wrought and pull a full Talking Heads style 'how did i get here?'#my squad 11 stuff is my absolutely weirdest most bonkers writing #i am glad people seem to like it #just trying to find some meaning in this hot mess #i think i blame The Toast

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thescarybugman · 3 years

Note

i dunno where else to place my request but perhaps reader taking care of their little brother Tubbo since their father, Schaltt, can’t/won’t?? Just like sibling bonding, meeting Tommy & Tommy’s siblings?? i’d see the reader around wilbur/techno’s age so they’d have their own little group watching tommy and tubbo cause utter chaos in the wheat fields behind their home.

perferred in hcs since they just look easier :o

-🧃

(I’m sorry this is so late I’ve been pretty busy !! )

warnings : mentions of alcoholism

pronouns used : they / them

being the older sibling you had much more responsibilities, especially when your father wasn’t exactly there to take care of things

and if he was physically there, he wasn’t there emotionally, leaving you to take care of your younger brother

you liked to take Tubbo out of the house and into the woods in these moments

one day Schlatt had come home drunk again

Quackity was by his side, hoisting him up while you watched from the table, playing with Tubbo

“What the hell are you looking at??”

cue you immediately getting up and taking Tubbo upstairs

Quackity watched and tried to talk to Schlatt, but it just ended in an argument you could hear from upstairs

you grabbed a bag and shoved random things in it while Tubbo just watched

confused Tubbo

if you started crying while doing this Tubbo would run up and hug you, even if he didn’t understand

you walked downstairs, holding your bag and tubbos hand, and just walked straight to the door

quickly leaving, you two would go to your ‘happy place’

at least that’s what Tubbo called it

you would write in your journals about whatever was going on while Tubbo would try and play with the bees

he liked you letting him get on your shoulders and run around the woods :]

he would hold onto your horns and make random noises while you made sure not to drop him

It was Tubbos 13th birthday !!

you had baked a cake and got him a few presents

they were all bee-themed since he still held onto his bee obsession

“Can I invite some people over ?”

wait what 🙂

“Who are these people ?”

“I made a new friend !! His names Tommy !! He has two older brothers that are about your age !!”

you were happy but also confused at the same time ?

you were just like :🧍 “ojay”

He seemed pretty happy, and that made you happy :]

it literally took only like 5 minutes for 4 random people to show up at your door

angry child with a red and white shirt, pig man who looked like he didn’t want to be there, tall and lanky man in a yellow sweater and a man with wings who looked to be the father figure of the group

dayum thats a lot of new people-

the smaller child of the group immediately ran towards Tubbo, the two running off to cause any chaos possible

you let the other people into the house, most of them greeting you as they walked in

the older man with wings introduced himself,

“My names Phil, these are my older sons Wilbur and Techno, the other one with Tubbo is Tommy.”

you shook his hand and introduced yourself to the others

“My names Y/n Schlatt ! “

from then on you, Wilbur and Techno had become best friends, which surprised Phil because Techno wasn’t the most, sociable, person

Tubbo and Tommy had more frequent playdates now that you had friends too !

you, Wilbur and Techno would walk with Tommy and Tubbo through the yard and into the fields so you could all supervise while they were doing whatever

everything was scheduled to Schlatt wouldn’t come home and see random people in the house

speaking of your father, if anything happened with you and him (or Tubbo and him) they would always be there to help calm you down

you and Wilbur would watch from the grass under the trees (next to the field) while Techno would show Tommy and Tubbo how to use the fake swords they made out of sticks

Techno would come back after he saw you guys watching and just say something like “Don’t tell anyone that I was being nice >:[ “

you and Wilbur would tease him about that for a while ;]

if you played an instrument, Wilbur would play his guitar with you

Techno liked to teach you how to defend yourself in case something happened

one time Tommy and Tubbo lit part of the field on fire and you and Techno had to put it out

Phil didn’t let Tommy come over for a while after that

Wilbur would let Tommy on his back and you would let Tubbo on your back and just run around :]

you are definitely the ‘middle child’ of the group (age wise and personality wise)

basically you’re the glue keeping everyone together while also making sure nobody kills each other

you guys are your own happy little friend group that nobody can hurt or separate (Techno would commit crimes if anyone hurt any of you-)

#xyler :]#+c!jschlatt #+tubbo #+tommyinnit #+sleepy bois #+c!Ph1LzA #+wilbur soot #+c!Technoblade #dream smp + reader #🧃 anon !

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simptasia · 3 years

Note

Sorry I'm a bit late, but here's some Lost nonsense from my brain:

If Jacob's & MIB's adopted mum didn't adopt them, then a whole lot of mess could have been avoided.

Also.

Why didn't John's dad just say he was moving after he stole his kidney and see him like once a year? (That way if you need to borrow a lung later down the line the option is is there.)

Also.

If I knew my past self was gonna kill my son I won't let that happen. Screw the time space continuum, I'm doctor who-ing this nonsense.

And on top of that.

How come no one really tried to mess about with time in the 70s? I know there was a bit of "ahh don't effect the future" but like, if I was stuck in the past I'd have a go at screwing around with time. I'd be like suck it universe, there's no Internet and I've got people in the present I care about. I know alot of the Lost people had reasons not to, like Jin's trying to keep his family safe and Sawyer doesn't really have anyone outside of the island. But Julie's sister? Kate needing to find Claire? WHY WASNT THERE A DANIEL FOCUSED EPISODE ABOUT HIM TRYING TO CHANGE THE FUTURE AND SAVE CHARLOTTE THAT JUST MADE THE FUTURE HAPPEN MORE SO THAT THEN WHEN SAYID SHOT CHILD BEN I COULD HAVE BEEN ALL LIKE nah bro thats no gonna help, when instead I thought there was gonna be some funky timeline nonsense that I'm always here for AND THEN THERE WASNT. Also more Daniel.

Last thought (sorry I can't shut up)

Now I'm thinking about it, why was everyone's reaction to Sayid shooting child Ben as a bland "this is bad" ?? Im not trying to say it was good, but its like the whole 'go back in time and kill Hitler as a kid' argument? I thought characters would at least have thoughts? Like no one even talked about it beyond face value?? Or even had an emotion?? Everyone was just like: "this is bad, but let's leave him with his abusive dad" ???????????????

Epilogue Thought: i genuinely thought when Kate handed child Ben over to the Others she was doing to say something to him along the lines of what adult Ben said to her at the beginning of series 3 when they had breakfast together. (My memory is so bad, but it's something like "I wanted you to have a nice memory to cling onto because a lot of bad is going to happen.") And then it was gonna be like a weird time loop thing of who really said it first, like Ben doesn't remember them properly or anything (but it might help why he didn't just ask Jack for surgery help when they first crashed.)

lost spoilers ahead

Okay, first of all, how the fuck did you send a message this long. Whenever I send messages, I'm given a character limit???

If Jacob's & MIB's adopted mum didn't adopt them, then a whole lot of mess could have been avoided.

"Adopted", yes that the's word for it. And yeah... yeah. The entire plot of LOST, down the drain. Isn't it ironic, this show is known for so much daddy issues and all of this fuss was caused by mommy issues

Why didn't John's dad just say he was moving after he stole his kidney and see him like once a year? (That way if you need to borrow a lung later down the line the option is is there.)

Short answer: Because Anthony Cooper is a cunt

Longer answer: it's pooossible that anthony genuinely didn't wanna spend any time with locke at all. as you pointed out, this isn't pragmatic on his part. but he's a dick. he also has a history of not sticking around the people he's conned

If I knew my past self was gonna kill my son I won't let that happen. Screw the time space continuum, I'm doctor who-ing this nonsense.

I've had this same thought. Offense to Eloise, but I'm different.

like, yeah, even if it turns out to not be possible, there's merit in fucking trying to prevent this. like, morally, emotionally, i'd respect eloise if she'd fucking TRIED to not kill her baby boy :(((

legit, same, if i knew i was destined to kill my boy, i'd be like "no"

and at the very fucking least, i'd give the best life possible! which, paradox or no, is what a parent is SUPPOSED to do, eloise!!

not only does eloise not even try to not do this, what makes it so much worse is that she didn't allow him the life he wanted. you know he's gonna die young, bitch, let him have love and piano!

HES NOT EVEN ASKING FOR MUCH. free will??? please???

i Cannot talk about eloise without going on this rant, it seems

and the rest of ur message, i won't copy paste, but what ur saying about time travel. i'm kinda indifferent to a possiblity of them trying to change more but thinking about it, it's odd that they didn't Try more. however this can chalked up to like, not enough run time. but yes i'm all in favour of the characters ties to other characters mattering more. and charlotte mattering more. grrrr

oh boy the ben thing. well, i don't blame them for the This Is Bad thing. because it is. it's very bad to shoot a child. i wanna say, sayid is so fucking out of character when he does this. the writers mishandled sayid pretty bad in seasons 5 and 6, sigh. personally i don't believe its anywhere near okay to try to kill somebody because they're gonna be a bad person One Day. but yeah i am surprised there wasn't more of a debate about this in canon. we have people of different morals here... plus, it's a debate in real life. i'm in the "punish the people who have actually done something wrong" camp

it's fucked that he has to stay with roger though. i don't put that on our losties tho, overall i blame the others. because they could have accepted ben into the others way sooner and they really should have. richard could see this kid was suffering and they let him stay with his abusive dad. that's awful. then again, charles was in charge during this time period so that makes THAT make more sense but ugh

and finally. inch resting... i always saw kate's sympathy for little ben as 1. he's only a child, he's Not big ben. and 2. she grew up in an abusive home too so she sees a kindred spirit

regarding ben's memory, it annoys me how the writers felt the need to erase some of little ben's memories to supposedly Make It Make Sense but i felt that was unneeded. i think it's perfectly viable for ben to remember all the stuff that went down in season 5 but he never mentioned it because why the fuck would he. for one thing, he was henry gale at first, he's hardly gonna be like "oh hey are you the guy who shot me when i was a kid??" no, he'd keep his memories to himself. i think ben keeps a lot of things to himself for tactical reasons so i think the lost writers employed a get outta jail free card when they really didn't need to

#lost headcanons #i have a friend who hasn't entirely watched lost yet so i hope she doesn't read any of the lost stuff i've posted today

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reineyday · 3 years

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some feelings abt touya and bnha 302 in general! (long post)

jesus this whooooole chapter makes me so so so sad for touya, like he's canonically a crier and i just have all these images now of him crying off to the side while enji looks at his other kids and gives them the time of day. knowing that he was/is a frustrated crier makes the fact that dabi cant cry cuz of his burned tear ducts that much sadder ohhman

one of the things i cant get over is how touya was SO shunned by his dad that when he went to go tell enji about his fire turning from red to blue, he says "i might be as awesome as shouto sooner or later!" like?? this boy is 13 and shouto is 5 yet he's talking like the brother that's eight years younger than him is better than him and thar it's just a fact. the sky is blue, enji wants to beat all might one day, and shouto is better than the rest of his siblings. nevermind that he's only five and just wants to play with his siblings (and dont even mention to me how shouto says he wants to play with "touya and them" cuz im gonna fucking cry abt it. like even though touya's accepted he's bottom of the ladder in this family, shouto clearly wants some sort of acknowledgement from his older siblings and especially his older brother. IM FVCKN SOBBN). enji has made it clear in this family that shouto was what he was looking for and everyone else is not as important, and i knew this from shouto's pov but it's kinda wild to see it implied so casually in touya's words.

"you'll be glad you created me! i just know it!" HOLY SHIT. god my heart. oh my fuck. literally all enji had to do was show up to the fucking mountain, and he couldnt even do that? what the hell?? your son asks you to go to the mountain, you tell your wife not to let him go traim but she said she couldnt stop him, and instead of going yourself to make sure he's okay and BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU TO COME (and with an actually valid reason, no less! fire changing colour is kind of a big fucking deal!!!) you just?? let him go and let him stay there??? my god the amount of times touya must have burned himself and the trees with tears in his eyes. ahhhHHH!!!

what kills me (and touya too soon?) was that we thought before the back story started that enji forced touya to train till he burned up. then when 290 came out--and definitely after 301--we thought maybe touya overtrained himself and burned up. and sure, he was definitely overtraining, but to find out that the burns that "killed" him started just bc he was crying so much he lost control and didnt know how to ease up on his flames? he was upset and literally trying to get himself to stop crying, and then he just set himself aflame and burned up cuz of all his emotions??? that HURTS. holy fuck.

i cant believe natsuo's feeling lowkey guilty for not socking enji in the face like he wasnt EIGHT???? and let's be real, enji woukdnt have fucking listened to natsuo telling him to talk to touya--he already wasnt listening when touya would straight up say "look at me" and when even rei said touya just wanted enji to look at him and notice him. listen, i know sometimes miscommunications happen in families and children are embarrassed to admit they want attention and so their parents remain unaware that theyre not giving their kid something they want, but touya was as clear as can be on MANY occasions, and even rei agreed touya needed the attention and enji just wasnt listening.

also i know there was discourse abt touya being sexist by telling natsu that "the women in this house are good for nothing" and mb it was partly diff translations cuz i feel like saying "this house" makes it specific to rei and yumi instead of all women everywhere, but even disregarding that--i think it's a valid thought for him to have when rei wasnt standing up for him (where he could see, at least) and yumi admitted herself that she was too scared to interfere and so just tried to fix things and keep appearances. i feel like based on what touya's seen from them, it makes sense that he has that opinion. (also gonna mention that i think rei's and yumi's choices also make sense and i think they were valid, seeing as how they were afraid as well.)

and poor natsu being woken up in the middle of the night (what was implied to be often enough, esp cuz it seemed they share a room and their futons are close) bc of touya's pain. that's a lot of emotional responsibility for an eight year old, and it is also so sad that at 13, touya didnt have anyone else to turn to but his kid brother. at 13, i remember being fully aware of the distinction in maturity between an 8 year old and myself, and it sucks that touya couldnt go to anyone but a younger child with all his pain. i bet yumi being too scared to interfere translated to touya as "she wouldnt help me" and thats another reason he didnt go to the 2nd oldest when he needed to vent. (also not related to this but how the FUCK was natsuo so tall at 8 years old? wh a t)

this chapter. this fucking chapter. my heart aches for touya, and it's just such a huge fucking shame he didnt get the attention and validation and support he needed. there must have been workarounds so that touya could safely use his quirk. there weere DEFINITELY better ways to support your son through a self-destructive quirk, ways that involved actually being there and seeing him. i feel like if someone showed him the attention he needed and talked him through how to better control his emotions (and by extension, his flames) and a positive and healthy way, he could have been someone so great. and if he ever learned how to set aside the way he felt infefior to shouto and saw that shouto just wanted to play with his cool older siblings, it might have been really beneficial to see that there was someone there who thinks he's cool and gave him attention just bc he was an older brother, who needed him when everyone else in the househild didnt seem to need him.

and lastly, the fact that the chapter ends with rei saying that shouto is the family hero and that shouto will have to face dabi?? and it makes me angry that shouto has to take on that responsibility. that he was five and suffering for things he wasnt even a part of, couldnt be properly aware of, bc he was so young. he just saw that he was separated from his siblings and that his dad bullied his mom, then grew up shouldering enji's heavy goals and high expectations and abusive training alongside the barely-there memories of his older brother who died (i say barely there bc if natsu didnt even know shouto liked cold soba, shouto was definitely not around enough to have solid memories of touya before he "died"), and now he has to do the emotional labour of fighting his villain brother (who i bet shouto lowkey empathizes with when he thinks abt it late at night) as well as suffer the physical consequences of that agni kai. and it makes me angry that he has to do that, bc he's a Good Guy and he probably feels he has some sort of filial and familial responsibility. he's only 16. he just wanted to play with touya and them, and now he has to deal with this horse shit dabi's causing cuz his dad's an emotionally neglecting asshat who couldnt see past his dumb fucking ego until he saw shouto play with a bunch of kids during shou's remedial exam a decade after his eldest son burned himself to death. what the fuckety fuck.

lastly, since we saw touya burn uo the way he did... did he really just like... burn so much his jaw fell off, and that's how they found the jawbone? cuz holy hot (BURNING too soon???) damn that must have been painful as all hell. i wonder if next chapter we get to see if someone found touya at the park and helped him out and sorted out the jaw bone thing, or if we finally get to see if deku wakes up lol.

anyways this chapter hurt my heart big time, and i kinda wanna draw kid touya crying while being overlooked by his family to let out some of those feelings but we'll see.

and i still stand by my idealistic and naively optimistic hope that dabi gets redeemed and they soend some actually time together as a family (without enji. or at least, with an enji that has apologized to touya in seiza. like, forehead-to-floor apologize.)

does this hope sort out how dabi redeems himself, seeing as how he's murdered people in cold blood and shouldnt be excused for that bc those actions are also inarguably terrible? no. not sure how he could redeem himself for that kinda stuff honestly, but it doesnt mean i dont still somehow want the todoroki sibs to get along, cuz im weak for mending families.

also id like to send a huge kudos out into the world to rei todoroki for being firm for once and for also not running away from her mistakes like her asshole husband has been. i really admire and respect that. she was afraid and being abused, but now that she's been away from enji and has had time to heal, now that her and shouto are in the mend and she's seen that her eldest son is alive and a villain, she's a place where she can acknowledge that even though she was a victim too, she played a part in touya's emotional neglect and she's taking responsibility and that speaks to some incredible fucking strength. damn.

i hope one day that dabi realizes the same in regards to his mother and natsuo, who shouldered a lot of his emotional pain and suffered the consequences of his outbursts (even though his emotions are valid and his outbursts understandable, he still hurt rei and put a lot of pressure on natsu), and i also hope he sees that for all that he hates his father, his whole existence revolves around enji and it's a shitty place to be (and then he'll have ANGST abt it and that shit will be!! so good!!!)

yeah i think those were all my feelings. i had so many lol. their family situation is so difficult, i hope they all turn out okay and alive and healing.

oh i guess i also wanted to say that i kept calling enji an asshat and asshole cuz he was for sure, but i still think his redemption is valid and im glad he's taking those steps to be a better person by being a better father. i dont know if id want his family to forgive him for all that horrible shit he put them through (im personally hoping that no matter what anyone else does, natsuo will choose to to cooperate in the healing of his family as a unit but will never forgive enji) but i think it's good of people to try to be better than they were yesterday regardless of whether or not they get forgiveness. i dont personally like enji, but i dont hate that he's getting a redemption. i just hope it's a redemption that makes sense and forces him to put in the work, and isnt something like a death sacrifice for shouto or dabi. i want him to be alive and i want his redemption process to hurt like a fucking bitch while he forces himself to make better choices and be a better person, cuz redemption isnt supposed to be easy in the slightest. i GUESS all the crying he did in 302 was a good start.

anyways, if for some reason you read all the way down to the bottom--hello! and thanks for reading haha. cheers! :)))

#rei rambles #bnha #bnha 302 #todorokis #todoroki touya

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superemeralds · 4 years

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OH WOW thank you for answering so fast!! I wanted to ask because in my opinion, Shadow is written kind of... poorly.. at the metal virus arc :c and I love how you characterize Shadow!! I was wondering, if you could, how would you have written him in it?

okay so this got. RAELLY long. it’s under the read more.. hhaaa... get ready for rambles.

before i start on what i would love to see different, here’s a few things that i really liked about his characterization in idw:

shadow being persistent about what he thinks is right, being very straightforward and strict in wanting to execute his ideal

the way he stepped down and let sonic try his way instead of being stubborn because sonic made a very good point. Shadow wants to be fair, and if he of all people deserves a chance, then so should eggman. kind of ties back to maria also, which is a nice nod to have considering it seems like modern writers for sonic usually treat the ending of shth as “ok she never existed to him anyways”

i like that he uses his GUN affiliation to his advantage to do good and help people (even if by rouges account he does it because he doesnt want to deal with zombots)

he has great devotion to make sure the truck is safe and peole get a chance to get out, giving (according to the comics anyways) more than 100% of his power dealing with hundreds if not thousands of zombots alone

I like that there’s a nod to shadow being insecure about his status as ultimate life form, and he is tempted to get infected just to prove to himself he really CANT get sick and he really IS a perfect being. He struggled a lot with the high expectations that were laid upon him, the expectations he’s laying upon himself.

I like how he had a great sense of shock and defeat when he realized that he DID get infected. It’s very true for him to be thrown off by it, get a little careless due to shock. its natural. it’s good.

his “i told you something like this would happen” towards sonic in the beginning of #19 is justified. He hates that he was right, he always is, and he wishes he wasnt. he could’ve prevented this, but its too late now. then later he risks getting infected with the metal virus, and he DOES get infected. He suddenly wasnt right anymore. This sense of irony... it’s probably one of the reasons he has trouble to concentrate on the fight. it’s a nice parallel. IDK if ian intended it to be this deep, but that’s what i read into it.

(i also want to point out that i like that herms gives everyone slightly diverse “skin”-tones. like diverse undertones. im still peeved they are all pretty pale but its hoenstly a nice little nod)

okay so here’s what i think could’ve gone better:

I feel like shadow being the one to drive the truck into the city is a reference to 06, where he is driving around in various vehicles. That in itself is nice, and i think shadow is a person who prefers to do things himself if there’s a lot at stake (which there was a lot of peoples lives) but i also think that he would think of himself as a powerful shield. He would rather be the one overseeing the battlefield insread of being the designated driver. He knows he was created for the frontlines, and he is someone who knows he can survive the front lines. He is not a sacrefice tobe made, he is the one who will make sure that no one else has to sacrefice themselves. Shadow should’ve been on site from the very beginning. Where is the rest of GUN anyways? Those low level humans should make an effort to protect the life on their planet.

Shadow did absolutely NOT use 100% of his pwoer to protect the truck. He could EASILY have done more. He can lift trucks. He could use chaos blast. He could easily have prevented just faling victim to the zombots so easily.

As mentioned above it kind of DOES make sense for him to go down easily due to being infected, but I think this was the wrong time to let him get infected. I think he wouldn’t let his guard down and carelessly touch a zombot. He would not give in to the temptation to test his limits like this if there was not a greater cause. I think he would easily break if someone he cared about (other than sonic) fell victim to the metal virus. This is something that would get him emotional, to get careless. He knows sonic can outrun the virus, but rouge can’t. Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Vector, all of Sonic’s friends can’t outrun the virus. There’s a big chance that he is immune, there’s a slim chance he is not. But even with that slim chance, he knows he could outrun it, just like sonic. Losing someone he cares about to the virus would remind him of his superiority, of how fragile life is and of his responsibility to protect life itself. Any restrait would be gone. He would be driven by guilt and anger at himself, that he could’ve done better, that he HAS to do better. It’s something that spirals him totally out of control. It’s something that would make him want to prove to himself that he has the ability to fix it all. because it’s all his fault.

this is honestly something that is so important. he feels responsible for this, because he did what was right and gave sonic and eggman a chance. In his mind, sometimes the right hting to do is the wrong thing to do, because sometimes only wrong actions get you to the right goal. he is a gray character like that, and i think it’s not shown enough. his regret and guilt don’t surface enough so that anyone who is not as invested in the character would be able to read it out of #19. there’s a lot of stuff going on inside shadow in this issue and its just. not enough time to unpack it all. this whole deal of him getting infected was too rushed. (as mentioned above i wouldve preferred he get infected a little later or under other circumstances)

I think shadow is aware of his responsibility as living weapon to not fall into the hands of the enemy. he has learned what it means to be manipulated, he learned what it means if he was used as a weapon by an enemy of life on earth. he does NOT want to be used as an object of destruction ever again. He would RUN. even if hesitant, but his emotions would make him excell even in that. he would make sure he’d run faster than sonic. he’s want to make sure that he’d give 110% and cure himself, something sonic couldn’t do.

the way he would go down in my mind is him excerting himself. He would absolutely reject help. he would prefer to not have any contact with anyone at all. For one because he feels guilty and he doesn’t want to deal with that emotionally, also because he doesn’t want anyone to see him in this state of weakness. He absolutely would loathe the idea of anyone being able to see him go down and surrender to the enemy. He would absolutely exhaust his entire energy reservoir building barricades and being the sole and only front line protecting evacuation efforts from a distance, to make sure that they have enough buffer to escape, should he fail.

shadow is someone who is rash and has a tendency to boast his strength, but he also is someone who tries to consider any and all possibilities, no matter how painful they are to admit to his pride. he will shove them to the back of his mind, but they are still there. and if it COMES to those scenarios, he will have a plan for them. only if unpredictable things happen, or things that shake him emotionally, he would lose grip.

also in all those talks abt things shaking him emotionally, i dont mean that other people who arent his friends are not important to him, its just that friendship has a bigger impact on people. i think that should be pretty obvious, but since people like to misinterpret shadow id like to make sure people understand that i think that shadow values all and every life on the planet. he griefs over random deaths as much as his friends, it’s just that it hits more personal. mostly because he thinks... of himself as someone who always protects, but never has to be protected.

shadows relationship with himself is complicated. he thinks very low of himself. he pretty much hates himself. but that is because he thinks oh so highly of himself. he is perfect, ultimate, unbeatable, unstoppable, immortal, immune.... he expects all this of himself... even though he knows that it’s not true. it’s the one thing that he knows of himself. The one thing he feels that he could maybe achieve if he tried hard enough, and of course he is never trying hard enough; and at the same time he is trying so hard. He gives 300% and yet he still feels like he halfasses everything and he still feels like he could do better. On the outside he presents it with his strict edgy persona, that looks down on everyone. but really he feels so small. most of all towards sonic. sonic is so so tall compared to shadow (pun intended).

he looks up to sonic so much, because he always manages to go out of hisway to do what is right. even if it meant risk, even if it meant weakness. Sonic, the guy that easily could just get killed and hurt and not recover. the funny jokes dude that never thinks more than a single step ahead. This boy is out there risking his life for the life of this planet on the front lines and he shows not a single care about his own safety, always putting everyone else before him. shadow envies him. he really really does. thats why he values his opinoin. thats why he listens to him and even steps back from his OWN ideals, something he would do for only VERY few people, because of course shadow is always right. this is referenced in various sonic games (sa2 most of all,shth,sth) and in sonic x (yea its not canon but like. They Really Got His Character).

ADDING SOME RAMBLING AFTER ISSUE #33 RELEASED

#shadcanon #kinda?#meta/ shadow #i still love my meta tag #anonymous #fan lore

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lord-of-fidgets · 3 years

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Serious talk/vent ahead :

I don't know how to really explain everything but I feel I need to in hopes either I feel better or someone else who've even through something can give me some sort of advice or ... Something. Or maybe I'm just looking for someone to just.. listen? Who knows.

My family - used loosely - is made up of my step dad and my biological mom. At least that's who I live with because I've been unable to get my own place. There's a set of strict rules I have to follow; they rule everything. media consumed, etc, have to be approved otherwise I have to hide it ( try to anyway) or just like it from afar. They took me out of public school when I was in the 6th grade, and essentially isolated me. Telling me how evil the world was while also being abusive to me mentally/emotionally/physically.

I was expected to read the bible in the morning, during school hours, and at night. Only "biblical" music was allowed. Same with movies and books. Etc. If an argument happened I would be told that there was a demon in me and I needed to be prayed over. If I couldn't recite a prayer ( due to me not liking to talk, and being put on the spot makes me feel akward) then it was assumed I was also under the influence of demons.

Since I'm afab, I was trained that my duty as a female was to know how to run a home, be married, stay at home, and have kids ( with no say in it - as saying no or using birth control is considered sinful. ) And that college and debt was a sin and a waste of time. LGBTQ is evil in their eyes as well ( so hence why I'm not out anywhere but online and to some irl online friends ).

One of the things the community they belong to believe is that amab and afab people can't talk without supervision. And that writing letters was strictly used with the intent to get to know someone for a more romantic purpose. Aka to see if marriage was being sought. If so, then my mom and step dad would have to approve.

There's this one guy from years ago that I saw at my mom's church. It was around the time I started really questioning what I believed and who I was, truly. It was one of many difficult times in the family. Including the time where my step dad shoved me by the neck to the ground and tried to kick me, and mom didn't want to take me to the hospital because she "wouldn't lie" and that "we can't afford it" despite the fact I was concussed and more. Anyway....

I stayed to myself in the church. I didn't have friends and I didn't get along with anyone really. When we were getting ready to move again, this guy apparently told his mom I was pretty, etc. And then asked my mom and step dad for permission to write me. I said sure because I was on the spot, and he did write. I never replied. Fast forward and I find out he is still waiting for a reply. 2 years later. He has not apparently tried to date or persue anyone else and I find it creepy because this guy doesn't know me AT ALL. Just my name and my face.

Now any time I try to mention my future, my mom brings him ( M ) up. "Well you don't see anyone else around here do you waiting in line?" <--- is what she likes to tell me, feeding into my fears of being alone and also making me feel like she just wants to get rid of me. I sort of feel like I'm behind coherced into talking to M and then maybe even marrying him. Like she thinks I won't find anyone else and it feels like she low-key is guilt tripping me into not replying to M. .

If I did reply and it led down that path - I could never transition. I'd be hardcore back into the closet. Which is what everyone wants. Me to be a cishet afab. I've been desperate enough I've even googled on how to try to do conversation therapy on myself - anything to fit in to stop the struggle. To be the good girl they wanted. It makes me cry. It feels wrong. I am a man. I'm a gay man.

But if I tried to be me - I'd be homeless. With no place to go ( I have no friends to stay with anywhere near me either ), no car, etc. And then I'd be even more alone since I'd be cut off from family forever. They've abused me but I think one of my fears is being abandoned thanks to all the other truamas I went through early on in my life.

Thats another thing. This same group of these type of people said I was demon possessed because of my self harm scars. They claimed to be holy and wanting to help but would isolate me and talk bad about me to the point the kids would repeat things the adults said about me, even though I kept to myself and tried to stay out of people's way. ...

Apparently M knows I'm autistic and as mom put it that would be good because "his sister is autistic so he's familiar with it." As if she's trying to toss me over to another caretaker.

And this is just skimming the surface.

I feel alone and ashamed for being me and they've made me believe I'm evil and sinful and wrong and need to just fall in line and repent and try to be good and obey regardless of my own wants. They use my fears against me. The only reason I even have a phone is due to a friend many states away when I lost my one job ( low-key sure I was fired because I am autistic ) and couldn't afford my own phone anymore ( which didn't have internet access anyway ).

I just... Feel so afraid.

#actuallyautistic #tw religious mention #tw abuse #tw vent #trans #ftm #gay ftm

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drangues · 3 years

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(This is late because I was Very Tired, super sorry about that asdfghjkl-) They’re little guys with cones on their heads! But yes they are very cute, I love them. Oh I could see them both having been raised in it! Dazai would pull off an escape, and then claim he left Chuuya behind when he gets out himself because he’s “an annoying slug” or something (but they’re actually best friends and Dazai would feel awful if his escape hurt him more). (Nyanon, 1/6)

Oh, actually, maybe Atsushi’s cult is how they meet? Like, Dazai and Kunikida are looking into leads, amd they meet Atsushi, who was a victim of it- But no one quite puts together that the cult Atsushi came from is what they’re looking for, at first? Because he never mentions anything super connected to them, only enough to make Dazai (and Kunikida) go “hm, sounds awful, come with us.” Am I making sense??? I hope so. (Nyanon, 2/6)

(Atsushi casually talks about the Awful Things that happened to him and everyone just. Slowly looks at him. Which is his queue that Maybe That Was a Bit Fucked Up, whoops, and then- “Kyouka please let go I’m okay now,, DIRECTOR PLEASE STOP CRYING-“ and then it’s a mix of fluffy and sad and funny sad, I think, you know?) The two of them are like that “People will die-“ // “Of fun!” meme and I love them for it. (Nyanon, 3/6)

Also RIP Fukuzawa (and your relatives and you), that sounds stressful. Ooohhh, that makes sense! I could see the ADA doing that- Though they don’t have A Lot of workers, so I’d think either three groups of four or two groups of six? Either way, some people (Yosano, Ranpo, DAZAI) complain about having to do paperwork at home. (Both of them are very sad, but Dazai insists on being Dramatic about it, to Kunikida’s ire.) Oh he absolutely goes insane the fastest! (Nyanon, 4/6)

Dazai lasts like,, One (1) day and then he starts pacing and all but climbing the walls because there’s only so much to do??? HE NORMALLY SPENDS HIS TIME TEASING KUNIKIDA AND MAKING ATSUSHI BLUSH HELP HIM. Ranpo is only ever Not Okay with it if he gets really bored AND he runs out of games to play and snacks to eat- Luckily Poe likes writing and will send him drafts of his work to keep him entertained. Kunikida is more upset than going insane, I think, but only at first! (Nyanon, 5/6)

Once he can hash out a schedule, he’s good to go (and he’ll also make schedules for everyone else if they ask, he’s nice like that). Anyways, onto my Concept: I can’t stop thinking about this so consider an AU where, after they meet, Atsushi just kinda. Adopts Q, like he did Kyouka? I don’t know, I just feel like they could have a really cute siblings relationship??? Then you add Kyouka in and it gets even better. I’m a sap okay. (Nyanon, 6/6)

dazai sabotaging his friendship with chuuya to keep him safe Breaks me like shut up bitch dont make me sentimental and it does make sense with the atsushi bit!! hes a victim who got suddenly kicked out (which is really weird for them cause that normally never happens so thats why they investigate into it and then slowly realise atsushi is part of That Cult)

yosano, ranpo and dazai being the group that goes to work together?? chaos . absolute chaos. theyll hate each other so much after their week together because theyll bother each other so much. yosano would be more reserved and try getting work done but as soon as ranpo and dazai keep on pestering her thats when she pesters them back as revenge

and kunikida definitely wOULD MAKE A SCHEDULE FOR YOUU of course itll first be a Very intimidating schedule but once you tell him you cant USE this he’ll scoff, judge you but still change it to adapt you (or if he knows you well enough he already knows how to adapt the schedule fitting you best, unless its dazai thats when he doesnt care)

oh dude atsushi would win him over somehow probably when Q is near death or is about to fall and atsushi just reaches out to catch him and save him from the fall. Q is shocked like HUH i almost made you KILL YOUR FRIENDS and atsushi says something sappy like “Youre still a kid” and Q just Loses It (emotionally) because hes always been treated as this Dangerous Weapon but atsushi doesnt treat him like that (hes still sCARED of Q of course but atsushi is forgiving like that)

#anon #ask #ask anon #anon ask #nyanon #nyatsushi anon #bsd

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kaypeace21 · 5 years

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Will created the Mindflayer (Theory revisited)

After, watching all 3 seasons I believe the upside down/mindflayer is not only an allegory for Will and El’s (cannon) ptsd/ and trauma but also (because of their powers), has become a physical manifestation (with a life of it’s own). I previously talked about how El made the upside down/demorgorgans and how Will created the mindflayer and demodogs (before s3). However I wanted to add more details to this analysis and focus on how the Mindflayer represented Will’s darker emotions and thoughts in s3 . So let’s get started.

The original title for Stranger things was “Montauk”- in reference to the Montauk Project. It was about experiments conducted on psychic children, where the scientists would “break” them psychologically to strengthen their powers and to program them. In one of the stories there was a boy named Duncan who could “open portals to other dimensions and periods of time” . However, one day “Duncan let loose a monster from his subconscious.”

This is where Stranger Things comes in... El, opened the portal and created the demorgorgans, which represented El’s fears. Joyce and Nancy called the demorgorgan a “man without a face”, or as El called them repeatedly “the bad men.” The bad men kill (using guns), while the demorgans are attracted to blood. However, the one time they went after someone who wasn’t bleeding- was when it chased after Will, another psychic child. Brenner even says about the demorgorgan “it’s calling to you for a reason”. And right before El goes to the sensory deprivation tank, Brenner gives her flowers (resembling the opened face of the demorgorgan which resembles a flower). In the Stranger things novel, Suspicious Minds, a psychic character named Alice, even says “ “Monsters...of course my brain has them.” As long as they stayed in there, everything would be all right. “Wouldn’t it?”

The upside down/ opening of the gate/demorgorgan is even described as something that grows and spreads, “like a cancer”. And something that will eventually kill her, if not confronted (and analogy to suicidal thoughts?)

In s1 Dusting even asks, Eleven “Do you have cancer?” In a literal sense no, but the buzzcut ( which makes people assume she has cancer) represents the abuse she’s been through. And if she doesn’t confront her trauma it will slowly eat away at her until it kills her . Or the physical manifestation of it will.

The name El is the name of a Canaanite God, which means “god of creation.” When El said in s1 “I’m the monster”, only for Mike to correct her and disagree. In a way they’re both right, it’s not her who is in control. But the monsters (who has a life of its own) represents her darker emotions and fears and is affected by her feelings- and this is why they were mirrored to each other visually.

So the fact that the Mindflayer shows up for the first time when Will is experiencing his “anniversary effect” relating to his ptsd, may not be a coincidence. Don’t you find it strange when Will’s dog died between s1-2, the demorgorgans become demo-dogs? And once again, the vines ( put inside Will in s1) and the shadow monster/Mindflayer - are also described as spreading, and we are told that it will kill Will. Will even says “ the more he spreads the more connected to him I feel.” And if I’m right about Will becoming number 12, it’s interesting to point out that 12 is a numeral symbol for “God of creation”, as well.

The other Drs/scientists are extremely callous and say they need to continue the burn (even if it kills Will). However, Dr Owens even says after this “You’re putting a bandaid on this.” Meaning they aren’t addressing the real problem- Will & El’s trauma.

And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if I’m right- this also implies Will was m***sted as a kid (probably by Lonnie), who always called him homophobic slurs. The demorogorgan represented ‘Brenner/ the bad-men’ to El. And the Mindflayer initially represented Lonnie, to Will . Will is even the first to call the Mindflayer a “he”, instead of an it- even though in d&d cannon Mindflayers are “sexless hermaphodites”.

Also,Will doesn’t initially call the Mindflayer a “he” but an “it”.And if you only take out certain pieces of dialogue between Joyce and Will, when they first talk about the mind flayer, where they only refer to it as an ‘it’ … and if you put [‘he/him’] pronouns there instead… then the rest of the discussion about the mind flayer literally sounds… questionable.

Will: “It all just went blank and then you were there”

Joyce: “Will I need you to tell me the truth.”

Will: “I am!”

Joyce: “But … But I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on. So you have to talk to me. Please. No more secrets, okay? Okay.”

Will: “ [*It] came for me and … and I tried… I tried to make [*it] go away … but [*it] got me mom”. (*he, * him,* he)

Joyce: What does that mean?”

Will: “I felt [*it] everywhere. everywhere. I- I still feel [*it]. I just want this to be over!” (*him, *him)

Joyce: “LOOK AT ME! I Will never let anything bad happen to you ever again!”

And I’m not sure how seriously I should take the cannon spotify playlists. But, the cannon spotify character playlists (which netflix and spotify worked on and published together after s2) alluded to this on both Jonathan and Will’s playlists. And the only songs about their dads hint at this fact.

Jonathan’s Playlist- We’re happy family: “Eating refried beans (poverty). Gulpin’ down Thorazines (pills for a mood disorder). We ain’t got no friends (s2 ref). Our troubles never end. Daddy likes men. Daddy’s telling lies.”

Enter sandman: “Don’t forget my son. Sleep with one eye open. Gripping your pillow tight, Exit light, Enter night. Take my hand, we’re off to never-never land. Something’s wrong, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight. Dreams of liars and of things that will bite, yeah. Hush little baby don’t say a word, and never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beasts under your bed, in your closet in your head.”

Will’s playlist- Creature comfort: “Some boys hate themselves spend their lives resenting their fathers…Some boys get too much, too much love, too much touch... look in the mirror and wait for the feedback”

And if the vines and the shadow monster represent his dad the fact it enters violently through his mouth, and the way he describes the Mf first possessing him further reinforces this analogy. Especially since Billy/MF lays on top of his victims, and right before the monster puts a similar thing in their mouths says (To Heather) “Don’t be afraid. It’ll all be over soon. Just stay very still”, and (to El) “Don’t be afraid . It’ll all be over soon. Just try and stay... very still.” (May indicate Will might have have heard his dad say this to him, and thats why the Mf says it to his victims.)

The entry of the vine, even causes him to spit out a slug, as he looks back in the mirror (like in the song lyric).

The experience of the vine/slug probably brought back traumatic memories, not to mention his time in the upside down invented new ones. The mindflayer first appears during Will’s ptsd “anniversary effect”. And in s2 when Joyce asked about the mindflayer drawing, Will lies saying it’s for a story he’s writing . But maybe, unbeknownst to him... it wasn’t actually a lie ? The 1st time Will senses the Mf again in s3, is when he’s watching a movie about zombies (on a ‘date’ with Mike). And in s3, the monster the Mf creates is based “the thing” ( by merging zombies bodies together)... and we see Will writing the d&d story right next to this ‘The Thing’ poster. The light at it’s head, indicating this whole story may be Will’s idea all along.

So ‘the thing’, the zombies, defeating it with fire were all referenced to Will- and later showed to unfold in the Mf’s story. And even though d&d always foreshadows later events in the season, I find it interesting that the one time in the series we see Will write the d&d story... is when it matches MF’s plans. The shadow monster stayed in the real world, after the gate closed (and didn’t do anything for 6 months)? And specifically choses to attack/possess a guy named William who also was abused by his dad and called homophobic slurs (internalized hate perhaps)? And don’t you find it strange that the shadow monster only decides to come out now, in the summer (despite it not liking hot temperatures) when Will is at his lowest point emotionally? Well, it’s because the MF is based on Will’s darker emotions and thoughts.

S3 was the season that Will was feeling jealous over mileven, and probably coming more to terms with his sexuality - and this is when the mindflayer/shadow monster decides to strike. Whenever the Mf is close and Will touches his neck relates to his romantic feelings for Mike. 1st time it’s on one of their ‘movie dates’, 2nd time when Mike and El walk off together down the hill, 3rd time right after he smashed castle byers after Mike says “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”, 4th time when Mike asks him to go away so he can talk to El in the hospital waiting area, and 5th time when Mike says El loves El.

And again it’s when Will smashes castle Byers that Will first says “He’s back”. Castle byers was built on a rainy night , the same day Will’s dad left, when Will was 5 (the same age he met Mike). And lonnie called him a “queer” and a “f*g” and forced him to do “normal things” like baseball to have him “be more of a man”. And then on a rainy night, after Mike says “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls”… what does Will destroy castle byers with? A bat.

Will drew up castle byers before creating it in the real world. And the fact Will has a baseball bat (despite not liking baseball) in Castle Byers, surrounded by things he loves: drawings, d&d, art supplies, a microscope, comics- just shows what an impact Lonnie’s problematic conditioning and abandonment had on him. He used a baseball bat to destroy something he loves -castle Byers, and symbolically he was trying to reject his feelings for Mike using Lonnie’s old tactics of fixing him. So regardless of what Lonnie did or didn’t do, the correlation between the MF and Lonnie is there. He smashes up castle Byers with a bat (thinking of Lonnie) and then he feels “more connected to him (the Mf)” again, and says ‘he (the Mf) is back’.

The reason we didn’t get Willel, was for a narrative reason. We are shown that Max and El don’t know each other. It’s implied that El almost never leaves the house and just spends her time kissing Mike. So Will never got to have the opportunity to get to know her either. And for Will his resentment of El isn’t simply based on the fact he loves Mike. He insults El calling her a “stupid-girl” just like how Robin said she hated Steve and his “stupid-hair” because the girl she liked , liked him- and of course a lot of that redirected hate isn’t mere jealousy, but projected internalized homophobia. I don’t think a straight person could ever really understand how much hate queer people initially have for themselves when initially figuring things out- so his redirected anger is more than simple jealousy, but just hate for himself. He even looks at a picture of Mike after this and says “so stupid”, 4 times , while at castle Byers.

But honestly, that’s nothing compared to the hate he has/ how he blames her for ruining his life! El might have saved him twice (and it might of been an accident/ dr Brenner who’s really to blame). But Will knows she opened the gate . So to him, he spent a week in a place with no sunlight, food, or breathable air , having to experience that vine, dying, getting ptsd, being ostracized by everyone at school and being called “zombie boy” and a “freak”- being possessed by the MF, getting burned alive, killing Bob (the closest thing to a real father figure) and all those men (making him a murderer), and strangling his mom.Because of her!

And then that’s when s3 starts to make a lot more sense. Will might not want anything bad to actually happen to El but he’s probably had these dark thoughts before. Will even says about the MF.

He says the real Mf is still in the upside down, but ‘the part that was still in him... was still in their world.’ And it flashes to El’s face as he says it. Essentially the Mf is motivated by his fictionalized story, thoughts/memories of Lonnie, and any dark intrusive thought Will has ever had about El , much to Will’s horror.

He said in s3 that “I’m not worried about me, mom. I’m worried about you.” So the fact that he strangled her and almost killed her in s2, probably haunts him to this day- and he might of thought, ‘wish I strangled her instead’. And who does Billy/Mf look at right before grabbing her throat, and who is the first reaction shot we see when he starts choking her - Will’s horrified expression!

Maybe the Mf thought El was the most important, and that Will was nothing ( despite all the foreshadowing indicating the Mf held special intentions for Will), because he feels like he’s nothing compared to El? Will even says in s2 it wanted to kill everyone, but him, but now it’s saying that to El only? Maybe because Will wanted her to experience having such an entity say it to her too, and experience the same fear and isolation it caused him? In s2, why did the Mf chase Will and possess him at the school, when El (at the same time) was at the school as well (if it was always after her)? It’s because the Mf’s motivations are linked to Will’s feelings/emotions.

He probably also thought, how would you like a slug crawling/invading your body, huh?And although it doesn’t go to her mouth (probably because he could never wish that on anyone- if it symbolizes what I think it does). She still has a similar experience. And everyone is worried/horrified but Will is the only one sobbing (probably because he thought of this happening to her before).

After this he doesn’t even help move the car, he just stays glued at El’s side as if trying to protect her. And interestingly, this is when El loses her powers. Will may have even thought. If she never had her powers, none of this would have ever happened! Or ‘you guys wouldn’t think she’s so great without her powers.” So did Will accidentally steal her powers?!!!! Maybe. Will has always been associated with bears (along with 3 other animal symbols that El also has). We see a zoom in shot of Will’s bear drawing right before the demorgorgan takes him from the upside down version of castle byers in s1. Bears symbolically represent “wisdom” like ‘Will the wise’ and were associated with the demorgorgan/upside down in s1 and 2 as well . Max and Nancy both compared demorrgorgans to bears- and Nancy and Jonathan used a bear-trap to capture the demorgorgan in s1. So when El tries to grab Will’s teddy bear (it was shown to be his in s1) with her powers. And Mike says “they’ll come back”. They might actually come back, because Will and EL’s relationship improves. Mike even tried to give El a golden bear as a gift (so maybe that signifies the giving back of her powers in s4 ?)

Will was always hinted to have powers from the very beginning, so it would be incredibly stupid to just drop this plot point, despite all the foreshadowing. In the 1st episode, Will wins Dustin’s xmen comic in a bet- and Dustin later asks the gang “Do you think Eleven was born with powers like the xmen?” And also before he was sent to the upside down his password for Castle Byers was ‘Rhadagast’ a wizard character from Lord of the Rings. And in the ST prequel novel “Suspicious Minds” the adult psychics were referenced to both the xmen and lord of the Rings characters. And in the comic, he keeps on saying ‘what would Will- the Wise do’ (his d&d wizard character). Also Dustin straight up called El a “wizard” in the last ep of s1, at Will’s bedside. Not to mention Mike in s2 called Will a “cleric” - and clerics get their powers from a god (cough the mindflayer), and in d&d the wiser the cleric the more powerful they are. And Will’s nickname is ‘Will the wise’? The fact that Will in s1 drew his character with lightning and fire powers- and the fact he barbecued 2 phones in s1 (just like El did to the radio at the school). In s1 was said he could “shadow walk” a wizard d&d power. The fact he could control lights and manipulate electronics to communicate to his mom from another dimension (and in s1 only El could do that). The fact he literally created a portal through the wall of his house (just like El did at the school in s2). And just the many other hints in s1! The fact that he drew himself in s2 with a crystal ball (which is associated with the powers of scrying and clairvoyance) before being possessed, but just so happen to have those abilities in s2. Dustin also said the only way to defeat the MF is an undead army and Will’s nickname is “zombie boy”. So frankly, his fight with the MF (who is still in the upside down) may not be over. And that new demorgagan in Russia might be a symbol of El’s grief over Hopper’s (perceived) death.

This would honestly, be the only explanation that would allow me to forgive the Duffers . Like you can steal this idea from me! Please! XD

#stranger things theory #will byers #byler #el hopper

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ilikelookingatthings · 3 years

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Comment that I’m proud from youtube on Akatsuki no Yona Chapter 201 part 1

I think the thing thats gets in the way of your idea that Hak is basically untouchable or should be because if he gets hurt the people who love him will go batshit is that yona loves her kingdom as well. I definitely believe Hak is one of the top priorities(after all the whole reason the dragons were gathered by yona was to make sure hak doesn't die). Its definitely true that if they want to they could mess EVERYONE up and take over the castle if Hak is killed....but Kouka ISN'T in a completely stable position right now even before the murder pin the blame on yona game the new country is playing. If they want to stay safe from invaders they need to make sure kouka isn't temping to be attacked by other countries. its been shown multiple times that the dragons aren't invincible. they can't always be vigilant and yona and the dragons and hak have been hurt and kidnapped on multiple occasions.

Yona's choice to take the deal with kyek-sook to enter the castle so yoon could learn more medicine nd she and the dragons could be protected makes sense. If yona refused she definitely knew kyk-sook would end more people to kill them. she witnessed a crazed priest convince other countries to aim for her and the dragons. everytime they had thought they were safe something went wrong. yona got kidnapped and sent to the drug workshop before. had been sword slashed. they had to sneak around tae-jun's place despite his permission and zeno was shot by a arrow. yona had been kidnapped and if the country had gotten the other two dragons in that first run using yona as a hostage there was no telling how many of their own country men thy would have ben forced to kill. and yona has seen the level of obsession or interest in the dragons grow in real time and how it can be a nice flattering hopeful thing...but can easily become twisted or obsessive. everyone was even injured on some level before they entered the castle. for long run safety it makes sense to choose to go along wth kyk-sook so at the very least if they DO choose to leave again the hak kidnapped her and killed her dad rumour would go away. the info of the dragons already coming out but by going with kyk-sooky it was a way to control how the dragons are seen as well as hak.

though you also have a point that whether yona was unsettled or not she let kyk-sook have the advantage over her since she came to the castle and if she had pushed more things could have changed earlier. even if she knew if they left they would still be in guaranteed danger so felt they could at least try to make things work t the palace. and she understood why they wouldn't let hak in the palace near soo-won. it was annoying because we could see that if yona pushed more things maybe could have changed earlier...but she was also made aware recently that the dragons andher aren't invicable and one of her mentalities is to finally start understanding soo-won properly. even if another point was so yoon could get more education and books we have seen hak and everyone be aware there are guards watching hak since he entered the area.

but of course like stated here...kyk-sook seemed to keep looking for a excuse to kill Hak which was ALWAYS a dumb move because it would trigger yona and the dragons...but also the windtribe to turn against soo-won. like it makes sense to have a guard in case hak tried to attack the king but we know supposedly tha kyk-sook was trying to provoke hak with the disrespect of putting her in the queens seat which others would assume was a engagement type of thing and had people set up to kill him. and we know kyk-sook didn't prepare enough to deal with the dragons. and separating yona from the dragons and refusing to let them meet was ALWAYS going to be suspicious as fuck and caused them to want to find answers.

but also confusing because....if killing Hak was always a dumb move which had been mentioned by SOO-WON even back when they saved lily. and one of the majour reasons that kyk-sook decided on this plan to bring yona and the dragons into the fold was because he was so impressed with Hak on the battlefield yet we haven't seen Kyk-sook try to bring Hak involved with the army at all uptil now despite that having been part of his motivation. how much of a dumb move? if hak is killed it would certainly trigger retaliation from the dagons and the windtribe.....however its also known kouka is still recovering from Il's rule and Yona is not ready tolead a army properly or knows enough about the politics so it would lead to kouka's citizens being endangered as well which ky-sook knows yona wouldn't want as yona and the dragons have been protecting the citizens this whole time. kyk-sook has already seen yona willing to put aside the murder of her dad for the greater good of the kingdom. so I wonder if its a game of chicken.

kyk-sook is interesting because we know he IS smart and can be cold and calculative when it comes to things from the beginning.....but since the flashback I've been starting to realize one of his flaws is he can be overly emotional whenit comes to soo-won as well. likehow he had wanted to kill yona on the spot when he came across her during the potential war arc when she was trying to get soo-won to agree to a meeting with the princesses and realized yona had a scary amount of connections. I think he was really rattled finding out that dragons with SUPERPOWERS exist. and he is such a soo-won stan that Hak properly using that soo-won strategy during the war rattled him a bit. we know he was smart enough to know that letting yona and friends continue to roam free could cause issues because yona and dragons could be kidnapped by other countries again....but also the longer yona is wandering around the more followers and people who admire her pop up which could cause more issues when people start questioning WHY the princess is wandering around instead of at the palace and realize its because soo-won killed king il. so bringing her in could put those rumours to rest. smart move.

but reckless move was him trying to test the dragons powers and assume the dragons would easily fall in line and wanting to provoke hak so they could take out hak/get rid of the risk even though he had realized the value hak has.

we also know they didn't kill hak on the spot in public and soo-won's bodyguard had apparently been watching and let hak get near soo-won. and kyk-sook has been so on edge since finding out about the disease which he aparently hadn't known about at all that he almost considered Yona for a back up position even though WE know she was bluffing with a three day cram session.

from his reaction its possible he really was planning on Hak being killed for finding out as he looked really surprised to see Yona there with the medic(which by the way was my favorite detail because we know the medic, and kyk-sook were around soo-won since they were young. kyk-sook is firmly team soo-won but there are extra layers because our medic hates having been a unwitting spy which could have led to king il's death. and I think it was implied that yon-hi sent the secret message to king il through the medic. and why kyk-sook was still surprised by the 'betrayal' of the medic telling Yona. Hak's word about how he wasn;t killed yet.....it shows that they WEREN'T ordered by soo-won to kill Hak as soon as he got close to the king. or they LET Hak get close to the king to test how bad Soo-won really was. its possibly they let Hak through to try to trap him into this situation to send him to the frontlines.....but then again hak had already agreed to be a soldier on his own and kyk-sook DOESN'T understand Hak all that well(which is kindof ironic because Hak follows and respects Yona like kyk-sook respects Soo-won...or yu-hon really.

Its possible they were trying to figure out how much Hak really figured out or to kill him in private. make him....disappear~ without anyone knowing what they did to him. After all kyk-sook did seem shocked by how much Hak had figured out. and he was clearly projecting on Hak a lot because WE know Hak is clearly not happy about soo-won being sick....but kyk-sook's understanding of soo-won and hak's relationship is still elementary so kyk-sook assumed hak would be happy about it and didn't seem to plan for Yona to appear.

but then again this IS the guy who helped plan a cou and Hak was one of his motivational factors for making this deal to get yona and the dragons in the palace and its been weird he seemed fine with potentially tricking or getting hak o die at other points since yona entered the palace instead of finding a logical route to get the man to be a proper soldier for the country. like its possible its ego. kykyk-sook thinking anyone who doesn't sta loyal to soo-won is trash or dumb if they aren't going to fall in line. after all even joo-doh was trying to lecture hak about loyalty and wanted lip service when honestly hak has been the only one who has never broken any type of vow at this point...even if we know why the others were loyal to soo-won over king il. we have definitely been finding out kyk-sook is more emotionally driven that we had thought and he does over look very obvious character issues in himself like when he didn't stop driving his horse forward and almost hurt a little kid which had lilly and others looking down on the advisor and seemed to think he might reflex badly on soo-won. kyk-sook did try to have them not listen to Yona' words to get a real talk between soo=won and kourien because kyk-sook didn't like Yona having any type of upper hand and was alarmed and how they had walked into yona's plans so easily.

I can't help but wonder if Hak KNEW they wouldn'tb able to instantly kill him and that's why he risked going to check on yona and soo-won to get information despite knowing if soo-won WAS sick and hak founded out about it...it could cause problems.

#akatsuki no yona #yona #hak #soo-won #kouka #dragons #king il #jou-doh #akatsuki no yona chapter 201

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