#and the ones that do dont even recognise the world around them anymore

[thehopelessexception]

how can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22 (almost 24)

warning: im writing this while im on my period and eating ice cream.

i've been dissociating for what now? half a year maybe more. i dont recognize reality. i feel im floating in this sea we call society and i've been feeling the wilson of the story here. i assume everything that's happening around me is real, ofc. but that doesnt make it any less a convenient arrangement i build for myself to try to act like a real person and not freak out. i am feeling out of reality. like the part of the game where you let the sim on auto-mode. i am the sim on auto-mode. and i don't know how to stop this stage of oblivion.

to make a vague introduction, the thing with me is that im a living paradox of a full time contradiction. i am flamboyant but i hate being perceived. i like to speak up for myself but i hate people thinking about me because of it. i have my own process of how i understand things. i trust logic and i question everything. im quite skeptical over things when there's no empirical evidence. i seek for knowledge. critical thinking, data analysis and the whole stuff. i know myself. i sometimes look like i am too obnoxious, frivolous, morally corrupted (people have told me that), when i obsess over something —because i sometimes treat people like they are stupid (not my intention really)—; but probably the only thing im completely sure of is myself. i tend to be a confident person, to have an ego, to not let the guard down, to calculate every single move. and lately i am noticing myself being impulsive, insecure, nervous, weird, saying stupid shit, nonsenses, feeling small. and i don't know how to make it stop. the thing is i put my whole self-esteem backed up by my intelligence, however im not sure of anything anymore. i don't know if the reason behind not recognising myself lately is the fact i have somehow a new crush —or a new hyperfixation for that matter— or just the natural act of growing, also known as the quarter life crisis.

i have this thing where i hyperfix on random stuff, i've been like this my whole life. one of my friends even made a powerpoint of all the things i've been obsessed with over the years. and the issue here is that this things never last that much, or maybe they do? i actually never though about it. the most random ones i remember are probably me buying ice-cream cakes of this specific brand every week for two months. i also got obsessed with eating too many scrambled eggs all day every day for a very long time. then it was that turkish telenovela on an airing channel. then ofc succession, and it grew into watching every single movie kieran culkin was part of. the world cup. mbti —im intj by the way—. red white and royal blue (i watched it five times in a day), then nicholas galitzine —did yk he has a lineage that comes all the way from the romanovs?— and his entire filmography. and also politics, i got way into politics; election campaigns, follow up candidates, history, economy, the law, etc (my candidate lost tho) (we're succumbing to disgrace) (like literally we collectively, as a country, haven't had any kind of good news since then) (please help me). and etc etc. but the thing is, i also hyperfix on random people, or not so random i guess. it doesnt happen very often tho, im quite picky, but the procedure is this: i meet someone, they draw somehow my attention, i want to know everything about this person, i talk to this person a lot (medium to long term) (week to months), and then this person becomes my friend or i get bored and completely ignore them for the rest of my life and move on.

but this time is different, or im feeling it different. i find myself questioning everything i know and i was convinced of. i dont know if it has something to do with the fact that i met someone, probably the first person wise enough to make me question if i was ever correct about anything. maybe i am hyperfixating on this person, idealizing them. but it's truly amazing how much more data this person has about everything i know of. and right now i feel way too insecure, because even if this person told me they find me smart and they enjoy talking to me, i am always thinking that if i say something not completely fact-checked they'll think im stupid. it's absurd. it's a boohoo situation, i know. and it's a process im having about who am i, or what am i supposed to be. some months ago the whole context around my life changed or i think it changed? i dont know how to explain it, —i mean i know how but i would have to talk about other things not related to this (politics stuff, things happening in my country, etc). i'll probably will make a new post about it someday—. but the whole issue is, i dont know myself anymore. and everything is crumbling.

im afraid the person i build for myself it's a fraud. or doesnt exist anymore.

i remember myself at 18, and i was this marvellous whole person. independent, smart, focused, driven. that girl spent their whole days outside her house. did everything she wanted to. wasnt scared of anything. and i look at myself now and think how? the pandemic has a lot to do with it i guess, but when i first heard taylor saying that in nothing new i thought "that wont happen to me". guess what, i was wrong.

for my fellow girlies being 23 —in my experience— is exactly how they say it will be. the worst age of your life.

next month is my birthday and im pushing 24. and i have to say my life is a mess. but i dont know if i can call it a mess because it is truly a mess or because i am a complete drama queen. because people probably have worse problems than mine, and i am what you call a white girl, only poorer —and a third world country citizen—. the issue is, i am almost 24, almost 25. almost 27. ALMOST 30. and i did nothing with my life. absolutely nothing. my mom had me at 29 for god's sake.

and by nothing i mean everything i do is not enough to feel it worthy of a life well-lived. should i look for a job and work while studying just to say i am extremely occupied because i have somehow a life? just to feel something? even if that makes my stress situation and anxiety even worse? should i somehow save enough money so i can move from my parents house? even if for my whole generation it's close to impossible? is studying something i (kinda) like enough to not feel like shit about myself? i've never had a boyfriend, nor girlfriend. shoud i look for one? get myself one? even if i dont think any of that would make me happy? i dont think i know happiness as a state of mind, nor the concept of it.

i dont feel like i have many anecdotes to tell in my future. should i measure the life-worth by anecdotes? my friends feel the same way i do, but they have a more organized life. jobs, boyfriends, careers, plans for the future, one of my closest friends move to the other side of the world with her boyfriend (!) in the blink of an eye. but they aren't much happy nor they have many anecdotes either. and i dont have the money or the guts or the available friends to create any.

every day i understand fleabag a bit more.

my favourite anecdotes about my life are from when i was about 13 and 15 years, also known as the worst time of my life. i didnt appreciated it back then, probably none of us did. but when we were teens everything was possible and we didnt have a care on anything other than mundane stuff or rebellious stuff but nothing more than yelling at people, drinking and smoking weird shit (i never had weed tho). not a real responsibility. being careless, free, avoiding consequences that mattered. i think that girl hates me right now. and i am not sure if that's the feeling i should have or if it's just utterly pathetic.

#girlblogging #girlblogger #girl blogger #girl interrupted #girly things #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #this is a girlblog #girl problems #girly stuff #girl blogging #girlcore #girl boss gaslight gatekeep #girl interupted syndrome #girl rotting #girlhood #girlblog aesthetic #girlblog #femcel #girlrotting #hell is a teenage girl #i’m just a girl #just girly thoughts #just girlboss things #taylor swift #nothing new #this is what makes us girls #fleabag #20s #life in your 20s #20 something

[aito-mation]

forgive me if the question was rhetorical, but in totk link doesn't have to dress up as a girl to get in gerudo town anymore. i dont think the gerudo that sells you the girl outfit is seen in the game this time? not to my knowledge, anyways. link is recognised in gerudo town as the dude who saved everyone and is a close friend of riju's, and so is the only man allowed in. i haven't even seen the girl outfit in totk, but maybe thats just me, so take it with a pinch of salt

unfortunately though, there is a larger presence of creeps trying to get in? theres a guise of "haha we're just trying to do business with them!" thats obviously fake, but im not quite sure what their intentions are but its just a bit uncomfortable to include tbh. one is seen actually inside gerudo town, sneaking around and afraid of getting caught.

the slightly good news is that theres a pretty feminine outfit link can wear without any of the bizzare implications or orientalism. its just a cute outfit with a nice status boost (to my understanding) & theres a larger presence of darker skinned/black coded hylians that aren't exoticised like the gerudo are. bare minimum but i guess we can take what we're given

i really wish that nintendo would be normal about the gerudo and stuff (even giving the other races a little big of language so the gerudo dont seem so Other when they say voe/vai/savaaq etc) but alas, baby steps i guess

the question wasnt rhetorical i have seen one single person on twitter bring up that the orientalist outfit was removed, but they didnt comment on the gerudo’s depiction at all n i saw no other mention of it anywhere, thank u for sending this.

it doesnt sound like they actually fixed the transphobia tho, bc theyre still doing a “girls only” “only guy allowed” cisnormative type shit. “creepy guys” “dressing like women” to access “women’s spaces” is transphobic Period. doesnt matter what the in-universe lore is yknow ?? the real world anti-trans rhetoric rn is at an all time high, its unconscionable to include anything like that.

like doesnt anyone else remember how they intentionally made link androgynous in oot ?? hes not a “strong hero guy” archetype, but a lot of my problem w that is based in the fandom n is a whole other post. idc if link has a “feminine” outfit option bc that just gives the fans i was criticizing the opportunity to further sexualize him. literally the tweet i mentioned, that said they removed the orientalist outfit, comments on links “sexy” outfit he can wear instead. GAG !

also the idea of “baby steps” is for individual people, not international megacorporations bringing in 12 BILLION dollars a year. you Dont need to “take what u can get” u need to not buy games from a demonstratably racist company, and clearly say that the reason is bc they keep including racism in their games. japan as a country needs to address the racism rampant in their media more, n the media companies-especially when they go international-need to recognize the need for awareness. how dare they b antiblack in games they r selling to black people ! how dare they b colorist in games they r marketing in brown ass countries. n its not like black n brown ppl dont live in japan, bc they do n they experience racism constantly ! japan likes to try and separate itself from the rest of asia n in doing so reinforces existing stereotypes about other asians, particularly southwest asians n other asians who tend to have darker skin. japan has a huge colorism problem n that cant b ignored w any of nintendo’s games bc they always put it front n fucking center. the new pokemon games were racist, the fucking kirby game was racist !! nintendo Cannot get a nostalgia pass anymore. theyre not ur friend, n theyre certainly not mine.

tears of the kingdom made 10 million dollars in three days. nintendo is not hurting bc people r rightfully pointing out that they Have to do better. but theyve been actively getting worse, not just in what they put in their games, but in the way they openly mistreat their staff. not to mention putting gary bowser in indentured servitude for having the audacity to try and preserve game history w emulation. nintendo execs have gone on the record saying they dont care if games get wiped off the face of the earth, lost to history. the consumers have to put in the work bc nintendo Will Not.

#aito’s answers #anon answered #nintendo #u seem alright anon maybe a bit younger than me. im actually glad to have my suspicions confirmed #but racism isnt an oopsie a multibillion dollar corp can get away w #neither is transphobia #n a smaller gripe is i dont like that zeldas british n her VA is bad but thats not a moral issue that bothers me i just dont like it #loz

[attemptsonherlifepdf]

fantastic mr fox: humanising animals, animalising men, and an exploration of masculine identity

‘this story is too predictable.’ / ‘predictable? really? what happens in the end?’ / ‘in the end, we all die. unless you change.’

mr fox, the titular character of wes anderson’s 2009 stop-motion adaptation of roald dahl’s children’s book, is a portrait of two conflicting manifestations of masculinity. he is built to demonstrate the crossover between tradition and modernity, between wild and civilised. characterised as a charming gentleman, almost renowned for his recklessness, mr fox combines his undomesticated instincts with a carefully crafted domestic life. he appears to spend more time manufacturing a perfect home and family than he does actually participating in it. the events of the movie serve to strip away his facade and present both the audience and protagonist with a harsh reality to deal with: the juxtaposing aspects of his identity that he must contend with in order to survive his situation. these aspects are demonstrated through the use of anthropomorphic animals. in essence, the text attempts to convey the message that while you can associate your actions with animal or human traits in order to characterise and frame them, you cannot change their value and their consequences. it serves as a critique of how the nature of male identity is exploited to shunt responsibility, and the movie specifically promotes a more collectivist mentality.

there are four key scenes that mark mr fox’s journey in terms of his identity. initially, we first see his identity openly questioned once he has moved into a new home (a large and expensive tree), just prior to him revealing his ‘master plan’ to kylie, who becomes his assistant of sorts. he asks, ‘why a fox? why not a horse, or a beetle, or a bald eagle? i’m saying this more as, like, existentialism, you know? who am i? and how can a fox ever be happy without, you’ll forgive the expression, a chicken in its teeth?’ he attributes his identity with the ability to fulfil his base desires, like he could in his youth. aspects of his later life such as employment, family, and safety restrict his ability and leaves him feeling untethered from himself. the movie opens with his youthful vibrance and recklessness, and is quickly contrasted with his dissatisfaction with his job, home, and life in general.

MR FOX

i dont want to live in a hole anymore. it makes me feel poor.

MRS FOX

we are poor, but we’re happy.

MR FOX

comme ci, come ca...

does anyone actually read my column?

having been moved out of the hole and into an expensive tree, mrs fox asks her husband:

MRS FOX

do you still feel poor?

MR FOX

less so.

constructing the ideal domestic space for himself and his family does not satisfy mr fox and he yearns for more, which is where is existentialism and ‘master plan’ come into play. domesticity was never going to satisfy mr fox, as he yearns for something youthful and risky and dazzling, adjectives not usually applied to a quiet and content home life. the consequences of this dissatisfaction are drastic and almost immediate.

soon, having been forced out of his new home and underground by an attack from the farmers, mr fox is faced with a situation he cannot charm his way out of. he attempts to apologise to his son and recite a speech to raise the morale of his family, and both of these attempts are shut down by those around him. the facade of his elaborate home, his monologues, even his suits, are abruptly stripped away leaving him with only his actions which he cannot charm his way out of. the reality is that he and his family, his neighbourhood, is stuck underground with no means of food as a result of his selfish actions. this prompts yet another key scene; his argument with felicity, which begins with her viciously hissing and scratching his face.

MRS FOX

why did you lie to me?

MR FOX

because im a wild animal.

MRS FOX

you are also a husband, and a father.

MR FOX

im trying to tell you the truth about myself.

MRS FOX

i dont care about the truth about yourself. this story is too predictable.

MR FOX

predictable? really? what happens in the end?

MRS FOX

in the end, we all die. unless you change.

mrs fox’s physical attack on her husbands face serves as a display of genuine animal ferocity, making mr fox’s claim to being a ‘wild animal’ appear as a flimsy excuse for his behaviour. his chicken theft, which he was insistent upon regardless of the consequences, was motivated not by animal instincts but a selfish desire to feel a particular version of his own masculinity. disregarding the safety of his family actually seems like a natural byproduct of his master plans because he is trying to reclaim his masculinity from a time before his family existed, and in his eyes, restricted him. the very recent loss of his tail, combined with this conversation with his wife, is a harsh reality check for mr fox in terms of the dangers of his masculinity.

the audience sees the outcome of this conversation later on, in the waterfall scene. here mr fox admits to his insecurities and suggests sacrificing himself to the farmers to save the local community.

MR FOX

darling, maybe they’ll let everyone else live!

…

MR FOX

foxes traditionally like to court danger, hunt prey and outsmart predators, and that’s what im actually good at…i guess at the end of the day im just-

MRS FOX

i know. we’re wild animals.

the difference between this admission to animalism and the one from his argument with felicity is that here, both parties gain some acceptance of their animalism without using it as an excuse for their behaviour. the inclusion of others in animalism – ‘we’re’ wild animals, rather than ‘i am’ a wild animal – contributes to illustrate how wildness is not specific to masculinity. it is not femininity vs masculinity but animals vs man.

the movie also questions the nature of an animal in the final key scene known as ‘canis lupus.’ wes Anderson referred to this scene as ‘the reason im making this movie.’ throughout the movie, mr fox alludes to his ‘phobia of wolves’ and shuts down any conversation surrounding them:

MR FOX

scared? no, i have a phobia of them!...a wolf? what’s with all the wolf talk? can we give it a rest for once?

arguably, these reactions are representative of mr fox’s aversion to competitive masculinity. he shuts down any opportunity for those around him to discuss something he sees as more masculine than himself in order to feel secure in his own masculinity. critic shana mlawski argues that ‘the wolf is described as the wildest, most frightening, and yet most beautiful creature in the world. mr fox fears the wolf and yet wants to be exactly like him. we can thus say that mr fox fears pure, wild masculinity yet also yearns to own it himself.’ the scene holds an eerie familiarity to it; mr fox is recognising something that he thought would be a reflection of himself, but the wild animal is no longer familiar to him anymore. he now accepts his role as a husband and a father and no longer fights to overtly express his animalism in the same way as the wolf. the most he can offer the wolf is raising his fist in solidarity. he calls out to the wolf, ‘i have a phobia of wolves!’, which is an interesting moment to admit this in. it’s his acceptance that allows him to admit this. the scene is entirely compromised of male characters: mr fox, kristofferson, ash, kylie and the wolf. mr fox’s admission to his fear allows him to be vulnerable in front of these people he cares about, and to use this as a teaching moment for the young boys.

MR FOX

what a beautiful creature. wish him luck out there, boys.

here mr fox openly admits his admiration for someone else’s masculinity in front of others without showing signs of his own insecurity. he can admire the wolf for what he is without seeing him as competition. the scene allows the audience to see and directly compare two forms of masculinity and animalism, and to understand that there is no one true expression of either of those traits. the wolf has connotations of violence and ferocity, whereas mr fox and his suit and display of multilingualism are entirely modern, but both are masculine animals who are valid in their own right. either way, both animals rely on violence for survival at times.

kupfer frames violence in three ways: symbolically, structurally and as a narrative essential. there are various forms of violence within this narrative, namely mr fox killing chickens and squabs, and the three farmers’ attack on the animal community. symbolically, mr fox’s chicken theft is attributed to his masculinity. while it is often presented as thought-out ‘master plans’, his desire to enact this violence in the first place supposedly stems from his ‘wild animal’ instincts. he associates a time where he felt secure in his masculinity with his actions at the time (violence). structurally, we see the potential for this violence in the opening scene, where mr fox takes his wife chicken-stealing and they become trapped. he is stuck in a fox trap with his wife when he receives the news of his impending fatherhood, a relatively obvious symbol for his view of fatherhood in general. the news of his wife’s pregnancy disrupts his ability to continue stealing chickens, not just on this specific occasion but through the coming years as well. mr fox appears to view family life as an unfulfilling, less raw expression of his masculinity, and is shown to be wholly dissatisfied with his life.

the violence on the farmers’ behalf is almost always in reaction to mr fox’s violence, already giving it a structural framing. boggis, bunch and bean are referred to early on in the film as the ‘meanest, nastiest and ugliest farmers on the side of the river.’ their violence against mr fox and subsequently the local animal community is an attempt to gain back power and status. mr fox’s actions are “humiliating’ and the local news coverage of this exchange between the farmers and animals raises the stakes as now the reputation of these farmers is on the line as well as their power. violence here serves as a narrative essential because it drives mr fox into a situation that forces him to confront his issues with masculinity and splitting between his animal and human traits, giving the text/movie a fulfilling arc. violence is

introduced as inherently masculine, but is decoupled from masculinity by the ending. mrs fox also plays a small but significant role in this; at various moments in the movie she exhibits her own displays of aggression equal in intensity to the men around her, suggesting to the audience that forms of violence should be categorised as human vs animal rather than male vs female. examples of this behaviour include her clawing at her husband’s face, and a parallel between her and a male human character wherein they both connect two wires and shout ‘contact!’, causing an explosion. while this moment is brief, it highlights a distinct difference between animals being violent and men. humans’ aggression is driven by the need for power, whereas that of animals is driven by the need for survival. the man paralleled with felicity only sparked the explosion to destroy mr fox’s home and assert the dominance of the three farmers, while mrs fox used the same form of violence to enact a plan to save her nephew’s life. petey’s song even alludes to this sentiment: ‘well he stole, and he cheated, and he lied just to survive.’

mr fox’s tail becomes a symbol of power; bean wears it as a necktie, and mr fox feels emasculated by his loss.

MR FOX

one of those slovenly farmers is probably wearing my tail as a necktie right now.

…

BADGER

i cant even imagine how painful, even just emotionally, that must be for you… oh but foxy how humiliating, having your tail blown clean off by-

MR FOX

can we drop it?

the use of the tail as a necktie is a symbol of the power that mr fox and the farmers end up jostling to achieve: at first it belongs to mr fox, then to the farmers, and is eventually reclaimed once more by the fox.

MR FOX

you shot off my tail.

[through gritted teeth] i’m not leaving here without that necktie.

when he reclaims his tail towards the end of the movie, it has been torn to shreds and needs ‘dry cleaning twice a week’ to maintain itself. this can be interpreted as a symbol for his evolved definitions of masculinity and power: his masculinity is no longer defined by impressing people or stealing or killing chickens, but in the quiet satisfaction of having a family. the final scene reveals that mrs fox is pregnant again, and instead of her glowing and her husband giving an awkward grin like in the opening scene, both of the spouses ‘glow.’ the structural framing of these pregnancy reveals bookending the events of the movie allows anderson to demonstrate mr fox’s growth and change in his priorities. the domestic life appears to be enough for him, and he no longer seems to find it emasculating,

what stands out as particularly modern about mr fox is how he unconsciously separates himself from both his wildness and his suburban self in his effort to combine them. he uses his ‘wildness’ as an excuse for his violence and selfishness, but is ultimately not willing to participate in truly wild forms of violence and selfishness, such has hunting. his chicken thefts always include infiltrating a human site, like boggis, bunce and bean’s farms, and the fun of it is in outsmarting them, rather than finding those animals himself out in the wild. the local animal community essentially functions as we would expect a rural village occupied by humans to function: everyone knows everyone, there is one local school and various small and quaint homes. while the setting reflects anderson’s signature style, it is also reflective of dahl’s framing of the community in the original text.

mr fox comes across as an individual who believes himself to be above the somewhat backward mentality of his village, that he is the most civilised and dazzling and original, and he exaggerates these traits in himself out of insecurity: ‘if they arent dazzled and blown away and kind of intimidated by me, then i dont feel good about myself.’this is also reflected in his consistent ‘trademark’, his whistle-and-click combination that he uses to set himself apart from other foxes. his home is also a reflection of this:

MRS FOX

you know, foxes live in holes for a reason.

MR FOX

[grunts and tilts head in disagreement]

yes and no.

this insecurity and desire for outsider approval and individuality is inherently human, a quality of his that cannot really be associated with his animalised parts. this precarious sense of identity and self doubt separates him from his ‘wildness’ as it stands, which is only intensified by the fact that he compensates by exaggerating his human traits in order to be liked and feel worthy, as those are the traits he believes have the most value. towards the end of mr fox’s character arc, he is forced to admit that his need for external validation is flawed and unsustainable. when the façade of carefully constructed grandeur is literally washed away by bean, he is left with nothing but his actions and their implications for those around him. foxy reconciles with the relative insignificance of an identity based on other’s perceptions of you when rat dies soon after, reacting to the suggestion that he redeemed himself last minute by revealing ash’s location:

MR FOX

redemption? sure. but in the end, he’s just another dead rat in a garbage pail behind a chinese restaurant.

this moment is also used to inadvertently allow the audience to evaluate the significance of motivation and intention to the value of an action. although rat did reveal useful information to aid the group in saving Kristofferson, mr fox recognises that he only did so because he realised he could not win this fight.

MR FOX

would you have told me if i didn’t kill you first?

RAT

never.

mr fox’s own motivations throughout the movie have devalued his actions as they have mostly been self-serving. as his motivations evolve to centre around his family, he gains the perspective to understand why one’s intentions are so important. while intention does not entirely dictate how good one’s actions are, they certainly characterise the person who’s action it is. your actions have value and consequences as they are, and that cannot be changed by dressing them up or animalising them to distance yourself.

in essence, fantastic mr fox is a lesson in the value of including those around you in your mentality and worldview. it paints masculinity as something that is inherent and complex in nature, but promotes the idea that it is not stuck with its traditional connotations of violence and egoism. mr fox’s emotional development throughout the text mostly centres around his own insecurities surrounding his masculinity and how that causes him to overcompensate in ways that harm those around him. by the end he recognises that more tame and domestic forms of masculinity are just as valid, and that basing his self-worth on how ‘dazzled’ his peers are by him is immature and not constructive. his family now liberates him and allows him to be vulnerable rather than restricting how he feels he can express himself, and as a unit the animals beat the farmers in their game of power-seeking. mr fox recognises and appreciates both his human and animal traits, without using them as a means to excuse his behaviour or to feel bad about his worth.

MR FOX

i guess my point is, we’ll eat tonight, and we’ll eat together. and even in this not particularly flattering light, you are without a doubt the five and a half most wonderful wild animals ive ever met in my life. so let’s raise our boxes – to our survival.

i.k.b

#essay #analytical essay #fantastic mr fox #wes anderson #roald dahl #felicity fox #stop motion #film analysis #book analysis #literature analysis #boggis bunce and bean #cousin kristofferson #mr fox #mrs fox #literature essay #books and literature #mine #fantastic mr fox analysis #favourite movies #childhood movies #wes anderson movies #wes anderson analysis #roald dahl books #fantastic mr fox 2009 #copyright ikb #literature student #masculinity #toxic masculinity #foxes #wolves

[harryhoney-bee]

okay idk how much can u even write about this, but we all know how harry always wears his hoodie even if its hot outside…hoodie and his short shorts 😏because idk but i think he probably wears hoodie so he doesn’t get recognised with his tattoos…anyways mby especially if the reader is with him. could u write something about reader always buying him sick hoodies because she knows he will actually use them…and mby them going on a walk with their dog, holding hands and he asks her why is she wearing a hoodie and he knows how hot she always gets, and she is like “i wear them because u do, and i dont want you to look silly alone wearing hoodie and shorts on a hot day😌” idk if u are even taking requests 😭love your blog🤍

Charlie

A/n: omg bestie I loved this concept so much! And my requests are always open <3

Summary: Y/n wearing hoodies when she's out with Harry so he won't feel alone.

Harry was one of the most famous men in the world, but he also happened to appreciate his privacy and the privacy of the ones around him, that’s why throughout his career he created strategies to not be recognized in public and ways to not be on the front of gossip magazines.

He used his main social media account purely for his profession, he tried his hardest to stay out of Hollywood and pop drama, he only had relationships with people he knew would respect his wishes of not appearing on Instagram posts, etc. But the one strategy that was the hardest to follow was wearing big clothes while he was out.

The man had a lot of unique tattoos, if someone from far away ever caught glimpses of his mermaid tattoo they would know it was Harry Styles. That’s why he always wore hoodies that covered his arms completely, sometimes he would also put on a cap, the only body part he allowed to be visible was his thighs. The man enjoyed being private, but nothing would make him wear hoodies and trousers during the American summer.

Since becoming a celebrity, Harry was always anxious about bringing “normal” people into his life, but it all changed when he met Y/n, his dog's new vet. She was pretty, smart, and most important of all, treated him as if he was only Harry. After two weeks he made another appointment, telling her that Charlie had hurt his paw (lie) and that he wasn’t feeling good (another lie). Charlie, as a good little puppy, made no complaint when Harry took him in his arms and placed him on Y/n’s clinic table.

After 15 minutes of her looking for what could have caused Charlie pain, Harry finally decided to tell the truth, he grew some balls and asked if he could have her number, that he would love to know her better. The girl felt shy at first, she wasn’t used to having people asking her out, especially a gorgeous man like Harry.

Harry sent her a message later that day asking if she would like to go on a walk on the beach with him and Charlie, the girl said yes, months later she and Harry were already dating. Y/n didn’t know much about the celebrity world, but she didn’t miss how Harry would always be careful while going out, always watching his surroundings, looking for cameras.

Y/n loved spending time outside, and even though Harry was always a bit on edge, he enjoyed it as well. She began to realize how sad he would get by having to cover up almost completely, so she decided to make this situation a little less sad by buying him some cool hoodies, that way he would always have a bit of her in him.

He now had a full collection of hoodies she had gifted him, he didn’t even use his old ones anymore, for some reason the one Y/n gave him was extra pretty, extra soft, and extra cool, just like her.

They were now walking on one of California beaches, Harry was holding Charlie’s leash, his other hand was wrapped around Y/n’s waist. Harry was wearing a grey beanie, pink shorts, and a black vintage hoodie, while Y/n was wearing cycling shorts with a sage green hoodie.

The couple decided to sit on the sand and watch the waves as Charlie ran freely through the empty beach. “I would go swimming right now if I had brought my bikini, it’s so hot,” she complained, resting her head on his shoulder.

Harry turned his head to her. “Well, why are you even wearing a hoodie right now, darling? I think I’m about to combust here, the temperature is way too high today,” he said.

Y/n looked, burying her feet into the sand. “I just don’t want you to feel alone.” She mumbled.

He looked at her, confusion on his face. “What do you mean?”

“I know you cover up so you won’t be recognized, it wouldn’t make sense for me to dress normally while I’m with you because people would connect the dots and the fans would know it’s you,” she said. smiling at his boyish face. “Plus, I don’t want you to look silly alone. If you're gonna wear a hoodie on a beach in California, I’ll wear one too.”

“Who did I get myself such an empathetic girlfriend, huh?” Harry kissed her lips. “I hope you know I would wear my shorts to go to Antarctica for you,” he said teasingly, moving his lips down until he was kissing her neck. “I would actually do anything for you.”

“Oh, really? You know what’s something that you should do for me?” she said, matching his flirtatious tone.

“What, darling?” he asked, getting closer to her. “Just tell me.”

“You should go and pick Charlie up for me, he just decided to go swim and I won’t be the one bathing him today,” She laughed as his face changed from smug to grump in seconds.

They both looked at the sea, noticing the dog completely soaked in salty water and filled with sand. Y/n patted Harry’s back. “Go on champ, or else he’ll decide to go diving one more time.”

Harry rolled his eyes, getting up. “We were having a moment,” he told her, sounding like a spoiled kid who didn’t get what they wanted.

“Well, the fastest you get him, the fastest we can get home and have some time to ourselves,” she said with a smirk.

Harry had never run so fast after a dog in his whole life.

Tag list: @sunandherflores , @elenagilbert01 , @bellelittleoff @sunflowervolume66 @evanjh and @beachwood-cafe

#harry styles #harry styles blurbs #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine

[specialagentlokitty]

Rosalie x reader - For you

Hi, I hoope you're doing well!! May I please request prompt 19, 25, and 28, with Rosalie Hale x fem reader? Where Rosalie says some things she didn't mean to R because the cullens were leaving thanks to Bella and Edwards situation.. ( I dont like them.. 😑) and she needs R to stay away. They end up coming back but the only problem is the R isnt there anymore.. Decades pass and Rosalie believes R is dead, either from old age or whatever.. But they end up running into eachother again. Turns out R is an immortal supernatural creature.. Always was. Angsty fluff please!! - Rosa's anon 🤓💜

19. “I love you.” I know.” “And I’m sorry.” “I know.”

25. “How many years has it been?” “I don’t know, lost count.”

28. “All I ever wanted was you.”

You didn’t understand at all, everything was going perfect, it unbelievable. For the first time in your life you had felt nothing but utter happiness, now it was being torn apart.

Now you were stood on your portch with Rosalie wearing a small frown on her face.

“Rosalie please don’t...” you begged softly.

“I’ve got no choice.” She sighed.

“You do! You can stay, please, don’t throw this away...”

Rosalie sighed once more, walking over she placed her cold hand to your cheek and kissed your forehead.

“(Y/N) I don’t have a choice everyone is going.”

“Because Bella can’t act like a normal teenager.” You growled.

Rosalie chuckled at that, she knew you didn’t like the girl either. And that was how the pair of you first started talking.

“Look I’m sorry, but it’s better this way anyways, there’s no point dating someone who’s just going to die anyways.” Rosalie said.

“That’s how you see me?” You asked.

“Well, Yeah. You’re going to die one day, I won’t, it’s easier this way. I won’t ever see you againa and I’ll find my real mate somewhere in the vampire world.”

You flinched at the sudden coldness in her tone.

“You were just someone I used to pass the time.”

How could she go from so sad to so unbothered? It made no sense, and it hurt even more, so you put a scowl on your face and backed up through the door.

“Fine, whatever, I’m not going to waste my time on you anymore.”

You slammed the door shut, tears pooling in your eyes but you held them back.

It was a painful memory that haunted you, every relationship you had that memory would haunt you, and you hated it. You’d be put off straight away.

Years had passed, you didn’t even know how many, you lost count ages ago.

Walking down the streets, you hummed under your breath, brushing through the crowds unnoticed.

Heading around a corner, you walked into someone. Without thinking, you grabbed their hand and pulled them into your chest, spinning you both around so it was you that hit the floor.

“Hey, look where you’re going.” The woman grumbled.

“You should be the one slowing down when crossing corners.”

You pushed her off and stood up, and brushed off your clothes.

When you were sure nothing was ripped, you finally looked up, and you froze. Your eyes came in contact with the oh so familiar golden eyes that haunted your dreams.

“You look familiar.” You mused.

“Maybe we’ve just seen each other around...” she mumbled.

You knew it was rosalie, and you knew she recognised you as well. But she thought you were human, so she had no idea that it was actually you.

“Rosalie it’s me.”

“How do you know my name?” She growled.

“Because I used to date you, I know you lived in forks years ago. I know You’re not a human, and you left me high and dry.” You snapped.

You stormed past her, making your way back down the street, only to be pulled into another quiet area by the same woman you wanted to avoid.

There was a tense silence, you rested your back against the wall, arms across your chest, refusing to speak.

Rosalie was hoping you would say something first, so instead she spoke up.

“How many years has it been?”

You rolled your eyes with a small scoff.

“I don’t know, lost count.” You curtly replied.

“Please let me explain.” She pleaded.

“You’ve done enough of that.”

You tried to walk past but she wouldn’t let you, she grabbed hold of your hand and wouldn’t let go.

“Please.”

You searched her eyes, and finally you nodded reluctantly. Clearly you weren’t going anywhere anytime soon, so you may as well head her out.

“All I ever wanted was you.” She whispered.

“Then why did you leave...?”

“I wanted to come back and explain... but I realised that you should’ve died years ago...”

“Yeah... Uhm... immortality... kinda prevents the whole death thing..”

“I’m going to ask more about that soon.”

Rosalie removed her hand from yours and brought it to your cheek, resting her head on yours.

“I love you.” She whispered.

“I know.”

She sighed, pulling away, nothing but pure regret in her eyes.

“And I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Rosalie let go of you, taking a step away.

“You don’t forgive me?” She asked softly.

“I... I don’t know...”

She nodded and gave you a weak smile, handing you her number she started to walk away.

“Well... if you do let me know.”

You watched her leave and you couldn’t bare it, rushing up behind her, you wrapped your arms around her waist and stopped her in her tracks.

“I love you too rose...”

You couldn’t let her get away again, it hurt way to much last time, and you were still head over heels for you

[whitechrysanthemumsandlilies]

Dean had been watching Cas toss and turn in the starched motel bed sheets for coming up an hour now.

It had become almost routine over the past week- spend the day researching, wander the town looking for a new cusuine for Cas to try, come back to the motel, and watch him try and evade his nightmares until the early hours.

Dean supposed it had something to do with his new-found humanity- the gravity of the choice Cas had made weighed heavily on him, Dean could tell, and the nights were the worst. As for Dean's sudden protective instinct over the former angel? That he couldn't so easily explain, but he'd wager it had something to do with the ever increasing tension between them as they worked this case, and the growing list of almost-encounters they'd had navigating their new shared rhythm of life on the road.

He would watch as Cas would shift from one side to the next, screwing up his eyes with a sigh against the slow lightening of the morning light, before his bright blue eyes would finally flutter closed, and Dean could rest.

Tonight though, was different. Cas had been restless since they had gotten back from scoping out the hospital, and what little sleep he had gotten between his routine shifts and turns was frequently interrupted- his eyes darting open as a hash gasp was ripped from his throat, the remnants of his waking nightmares dissapaiting.

The clock was turning almost 02:00am when it happened, and Cas had been staring glassy eyed at the ceiling for a worrying length of time, stock still. Dean, squinting to see his face through the dark of the room, was sure he saw a tear beginning to form in the man's eyes, and was just about to call his name, when a bolt of lightning struck through the sky, illuminating the room and nearly blinding him.

Through his closed eyes, Dean heard Cas bolt upright in bed- and Dean gave his best effort at looking unconscious so as not to give himself away.

Five minutes passed of just the rain beating against the thin window before he heard movement. Eyes still closed, he listened closely as Cas rose from the bed, tip-toed to the door, pulled on his shoes, and slipped out of the door.

Dean tried to talk himself down, he really did. He told himself that Cas was a soldier, a trainee-hunter, a former agent of the lord, and that he wasn't going to come into any harm stood outside of a shitty motel in the ass-crack of Illinois...It was no use. He rose from his own bed, quickly shoved on his shoes, shrugged on his leather jacket, and followed Cas out the door.

After blindly stumbling forward, collar turned up against the wind whipping through the exposed pillars of yelowed concrete, Dean saw him, and all at once- the breath left his lungs.

Cas was stood in the open clearing outside their ground floor room, arms outstretched and face turned up against the rain- his eyes alight, and a wild smile had formed on his face. If he was capable of it, Dean might have laughed- he looked biblical.

Making his way slowly towards Cas, his eyes never leaving his friend's face, Dean found himself stood parallel with him.

Neither spoke, until Cas, lit intermittently by the harsh white light of the lightning and wild eyes still pointed towards the heavens, began-

"Millienia ago, before humans walked the Earth, and God became-" he gestured limply towards the world with his outstretched hand "-this, the angels were allowed to freely roam the growing planet."

Cas's voice had took on a wistful, rumbling quality- just audible above the rolls of thunder shaking the atmosphere around them.

"We were encouraged to marvel at God's wonders- we were to feel, live, breathe the Earth as, one day, humans would. To understand them."

Dean could hardly breathe, each cell of his body alight as he stood, transfixed, watching the streams of rain water tumble down the veins of Cas' neck and down his chest- hypotised by the power the ex-angel radiated as he preached in recollection.

"I remember I was stood, on the edge of the first lake to ever be filled, and I watched as the skies opened- watched as the rain poured onto the barren Earth and thunder shook the heavens, marvelled at the significance of it. In that moment, for the first time, I felt Faith. I knew from then on, I would serve."

Dean, having found his voice, managed to splutter out-

"Cas?", growing desperate for Cas to turn his eyes to him. But Cas was not to be stopped, in full thrall of it now he continued-

"In time, the angels forgot- forgot what it was to feel, to love. As God's power and corruption grew, faith was replaced with servitude." A stranged sound, halfway between a laugh and a sob, came from Cas' throat "I forgot too."

At long last, Cas turned his eyes towards Dean, and he felt himself rooted in place- pulled to the cadence of Cas' voice like a moth to a flame. There was a look in Cas' bright eyes that he had seen more and more over the past week- Longing, Lust, Love-

"When I first touched your soul in hell, I felt it then. For the first time in the longest time, I felt the power of God, of storms, of Earth- I didnt recognise it then, but from that moment Dean, I would follow you. I would follow you into battle, I would fight for you-" again, the strange, strangled sound fell from Cas' lips "-I would fall for you."

The water cascading down his hair, flattening it to his forehead, had made a mirage of Cas' face, but even through that there was no mistaking the next emotion he met Dean with- Want.

They were close now, close enough now that Dean could feel Cas' rapid and ragged breath fanning across his face, hear the pounding of his heart over the belts of thunder still tearing through the sky- 

"I think...that is what it would feel like- to kiss you."

No questioning now, Dean breathed "Cas...", his own want pulling his eyes towards Cas' chapped lips.

"I'm not Divine anymore Dean, but do you think I could be worthy of that? Of you?"

Beyond words, Dean made his reply by closing the gap between them- drawn like a magnet to Cas's lips, his neck, his chest.

Before he knew it, he was tugging Cas past the shelter of the sand-yellow corridor and into their room. Pushing him down on the crumpled double bed, Dean set about his task- he would attest to the miracle of the man before him in the only way he knew how, not with words, but with acts.

Starting at the base of Cas's hipbone, he kissed his adoration into the cold of Cas's mortal flesh, left trails of reveration marked into his skin as he dragged his fingers up and across his taught chest. He felt Cas' breath hitch as a drank the rainwater collecting in his clavicle like sweet wine, and heard his soft moan as he whispered, like a prayer, into his ear-

"May I?"

Cas nodded his reply. Dean slid off of him and knelt in worship before his now bare thighs in the dark of the silent room. Raising his eyes to meet Cas' hooded ones, Dean spoke-

"You're still divine to me, Castiel"

With that, he sank his mouth to Cas, and let the result of his supplication join the symphony of rain and thunder still pounding around them.

.........

When they rose the next day, still soaked to the bone, Cas' eyes were lighter than Dean had seen them in months- like the atmospheric release that comes after a summer squall.

Dean kissed him intermittently throughout the morning- as he passed him a coffee in his, their, bed, as he lathered shampoo into his hair in the shower, as he tugged an extra shirt and hat around Cas' frame to stave off the inevitable cold that would seize them both.

The drive back to the bunker was an easy one, despite the sleeping Castiel robbing him of the full movement of one arm, and the sneezes that had begun to occasionally blur his vision.

The week that followed wasn't so easy- after relaying their research to Sam (who decided, after taking one look at the palid skin of both of them as they trudged miserably through the bunker doors, that he would go and finish the job alone), Dean had placed a final kiss on Cas' head before collapsing into his bed- feeling sicker and sicker as the hours went on.

When he rose from his fevoured coma to check in on him, Cas was tucked neatly into his bed. Dean closed the door with a smile and went about transcribing the updates Sam was sending through about the next victims, counting the minutes until Cas woke up.

The time never came. He barely saw Cas after that, who had stayed holed up in his bedroom for the following three days.

Dean tried to give him space, to process what had happened between them, but with every hour that passed doubt and insecurity crept further and further in. It was on the fourth day that Dean decided he couldn't take any more silent treatment, bursting through the bedroom door to confront a shocked Cas- eyes red-rimmed and lined with bags.

"Hello Dean"

"Look man, I-" Dean steadied his breath and pinched the bridge of his nose "I tried to give you time to, ya know, figure out what you felt about what happened in the motel because I guess it came out of nowhere and maybe I shouldn't have just sprung myself on you but Cas, buddy, you're killin' me here- what's going on with us?"

He turned his eyes to try and meet Cas', but upon seeing them downturned, and his head bowed to face his lap, Dean's heart sank. He went on-

"I get that you regret it but we're friends Cas, next to Sammy you're the only family I've got and I can't just-"

"I dont regret it." Cas interjected quietly, and Dean's head snapped up.

Looking at the man on the bed, small and unsure, a ghost of the man stood, soaked to the bone, in the eye of a storm, Dean felt himself soften.

"What then?" he knelt before him and tilted Cas' chin up so their eyes would meet, searching "Why have you been avoiding me?"

Guilt flashed in Cas' eyes, moving Dean's hand to rest with his in his lap he spoke, barely above a whisper, "I'm not an angel anymore Dean"

"I know, but what does that have to do with-"

"What happened at the motel was- it was amazing. We were amazing. And then we got back here and- we both got sick and..." Cas' tone was getting more and more hurried and frustrated as he reached the part he had clearly been holding in "You were sick and I could help. I couldn't help because I was sick, and I couldn't even heal myself and I just felt so useless and-"

"Woah woah woah Cas, slow down okay you couldn't-"

"You called me Castiel, Dean- Divine. But I've got no grace, no power- I'm just human. So what use am I to you both now?" Cas bit his lip and looked down again, deflated.

"Hey, Cas look at me, listen okay- Hey!" Dean tugged Cas' face back to being level with his own "I didnt mean it like that" he said softly, understanding dawning on him. 

"I called you divine and I meant it- you're beautiful Cas. Stood in that storm, like you belonged there, I was in awe of just the sight of you, but I don't just want you like that, I want you like this too. It was never about you being an angel, or useful, but even as 'just a human'-" Dean rose off the floor to join Cas on the bed "you're still powerful Cas, you're still needed"

Tipping Cas back on the pillow, Dean leant over him- starting at his hand and kissing as he went, he continued "You terrify me, and excite me too. You're still the one who saved my ass, and continues to save my ass even now. You're every bit the angel who walked into that barn and scared us all shitless- the only angel I would pray to, and the man I would kneel to"

Dean hovered above Cas now, placing the last of his kisses onto his temple "Castiel Winchester, you are not and have never been just a Divine tool we keep around. You're our family, and we need you."

It was Cas' turn to tug Dean's face to his own. Eyes wide, he breathed- "Castiel Winchester?"

Dean willed himself to be brave, to break the final seal around his heart and let Cas have it. Leaning back on his heels he replied "Yes. Castiel Winchester. You have been since the start and you still are, Cas- angel or man."

Smiling that same wild smile, Cas scooted back upright "I thought humans only gave each other their names if they were married?"

Dean pulled Cas into his chest, laughing into his disheveled hair "Slow down a bit there sunshine" he kissed his forehead "We have time."

#destiel #dean winchester #castiel #destiel fic #supernatural #I cannot fucking believe #after 6 years #I am back here with you clowns #Posting a fic #for a show that ended months ago #this is the first time I've written a fic since I was 12 please be nice to me #I'm just so distressed over how they ended that I actually cant rest #This is set whenever #I wasnt even a supernatural blog

[lordsusu]

CHILDHOOD; ARC 2

STORY, Aka

-

'Freak!'

'Look at her, she thinks she's actually capable of becoming a shinobi'

'You're all just a bunch of monsters! You and that freak brother of yours!'

The sun was shining brightly, glaring onto the few people currently not residing inside their house. No wind, no adults, just a bunch of sweaty kids on the training field.

Midori didn't want to be here, never having any motivation or ambition to protect the village and the people inside it. Why would she have to risk her life for the people who hated her? For the people who bullied her, day in, day out? No, all she really wanted to do was work inside the greenhouse, like her mom used to enjoy.

Trying to keep the organisms alive, even though, just as everything living in Suna, they are destined to die.

Destined to shrivel up, slowly and painfully neglected by the world around it.

Obviously, there were more reasons she didn't want to become a shinobi. Much bigger, more apparent reasons, but she'd keep those reasons to herself. Only sharing it with the half empty book she had hidden in her room.

She decided to stop practicing for today. She missed him, though she refused to admit it. She swore him dead to her, ignoring their relationship as if he had never existed. Pretending to be deaf when she heard his name slip past someone's tongue.

'Weirdo!'

she sighed. slowly picking up the scattered shuriken, none of which were stuck in her target. Looking to her left, the group of kids her age were staring at her. She recognised the middle one, a girl, slightly taller than the rest of the group, with gruffy pigtails and a dirty look on her face. Aka.

Aka was very popular with the youth in Suna. She was talented and objectively seen, truly beautiful. Long raven hair, long legs and not an ounce of excessive fat on her body. She was also, however, extremely dull. And a bitch.

Midori couldn't stand her.

Perhaps it was a mixture of envy, hate and pure jealousy, but whatever it was, Midori chose to fully ignore those feelings

'What're you staring at, poser?' The girl stepped towards her, proudly showing her family crest while doing so.

She had an annoyingly high pitched voice, high enough to match the hawks flying around.

'Nothing, leave me alone'

Midori's voice deeper than most girls her age, calmer, more focused on the world around her. Her world didn't consist of good looking haircuts and cute guys. Her mind was occupied with training, achieving and performing.

Her world consisted of murder.

'Weirdo, no wonder you dont have any friends. No wonder Ryuji le-'

Midori's feet moved on its own, dust flying behind her. Her arm shot forward, kunai in hand, pointing at Aka, less than an inch from her face.

Her eyebrows were furrowed, the pain of her best friend leaving the village, leaving her rising up again as if it happened yesterday.

'Don't you dare say another word about him!'

Furious, she was. How dare she speak his name, how dare you use him against me. Aka held her gaze, that dirty look growing even dirtier. She stepped forward, slowly lowered her head making the tip of Midori's kunai slightly penetrate her forehead. A single drop of blood slowly drips down her face.

'Or what?'

The wind seems to stop, nobody around them says anything, all watching the interaction between the two unfold, all holding their breath. Their eyes all shifting to the person slowly walking up behind Midori.

Midori's arm shoots back, blinded by anger, she swings her arm forward again, the target in front of her smirking through everything, knowing exactly what's about to happen and enjoying every second of it.

Before the kunai hits Aka's face, someone grabs her wrist.

'What do you think you're doing?'

A much deeper voice sounds from behind her. A voice she recognised immediately, a voice that made her heart beat faster and made every hair on her body stand up. Her eyes widen, staring straigt into Aka's smug ones, but Midori isn't focused on Aka anymore.

The hand around her wrist squeezes tightly, painfully, making her drop the kunai to the ground. It spins her around, making her eyes meet with his steel, grey ones.

'Fathe-'

'Not a word.'

The Third Kazekage turns around and starts walking back to the Kazekage building, dragging Midori along behind him.

She dares not look at him, nor does she dare to look back behind her, knowing exactly what she'll see when she does.

Reaching home, he drags her up the stairs and throws her into her room. She hits her desks harshly, pain oozing through her body, but not making a sound. The door shuts and the lock clicks.

Hard footsteps slowly become silent.

She wonder how long she'll have to stay here this time.

#naruto #sand siblings #gaara of the sand #sunagakure #naruto shippuden #temari #kankuro #gaara imagines #naruto imagines #naruto incorrect quotes #gaara x reader #suna no gaara #third kazekage #fourth kazekage #naruto oc

[latetaektalk]

love of my life | myg

“yoongi was always there for you, was always by your side, was always your rock to lean onto. he was the love of your life, but at one point, you had to come to accept reality and realise that some things come to an end.”

genre: established-relationship!au, heavy angst, fluff that hurts, grieving, pain, a lot of crying

pairing: yoongi x reader

word count: 6.989

warnings: mentions of character death, character death, reader isnt doing well in this, funeral, mention of sick characters, swearing, i dont know what else to tag this so please tell me if there is anything missing!!

playlist: dancing with your ghost - sasha sloan, now that you’re gone - lewis ross, hindenburg lover - anson seabra, just asking - aquilo

a/n: uh, this is a different from what i usually write and ive been trying to figure out how to execute this for months. i dont know how else to write this and im really not sure about the way i executed it, but i dont think i can improve this really? ive been sitting on this for months so i really just need to get it out at this point lol also yoongi and reader call each other toulouse and berlioz from the film aristocats!

The words danced in front of your eyes, bled together and even when you shook your head, you couldn’t decipher them. It was like they were taunting you, playing hide and seek with you and after another second, you gave up trying to read them altogether.

You let the notebook fall shut and land on the counter of the sink. With your hands, you held onto the edge of it. You looked at yourself in the mirror.

A pair of unfamiliar eyes stared back at you and you were about to turn your head to them and give them a smile, a smile that was meant to tell them that it was okay and to not cry anymore, but then you realised you were looking at yourself.

The fluorescent lights of this big bathroom brought out the harsh edges and lines of your face and made you look like a shell of a person. Your eyes were dark, empty and your skin looked grey, ashy almost.

You looked lifeless.

Your throat tightened painfully into a knot and you quickly averted your gaze, settling to stare into the sink instead. A shaky breath slipped past your lips and you could feel a shudder run down your spine. Your knuckles turned white, so white that they almost tore through your skin as you gripped tighter around the edge of the counter.

“Toulouse.”

You would have recognised his voice even if you had been deaf, would have recognised his voice even if the sky came crashing down on you and the world was screaming at you.

Your eyes locked with Yoongi’s in the mirror and almost immediately the corners of your lips started to turn up. There was just something so comforting about simply looking at him, something so calming.

“Berlioz,” you breathed out, blinking at him.

Yoongi was leaned against the wall next to the door of the bathroom and your gaze travelled down his form, admiring the perfectly tailored black suit he was donning. There was something so effortless about him, something so calming, something so familiar. His usual watch was strapped around his wrist and you wanted to tell him just how good he looked, but the words wouldn’t form on your tongue.

Yoongi didn’t seem to care even a little bit that he was standing in a women’s bathroom and that he would definitely get into trouble if he were to be caught. Instead of being warry, he looked as relaxed as ever.

“You okay?”

If you were completely honest, you didn’t remember or notice Yoongi walking in, but you were to blame for it. Your mind was just clouded, so clouded that you barely registered your surroundings anymore.

“Yeah, no, I’m okay,” you mumbled and watched Yoongi tilt his head at you and eye you through narrow slits.

“Are you sure?” Yoongi asked and folded his arms in front of his chest like he was questioning you, a deep knit forming between his brows.

“Yeah, of course,” you said a little too fast. It sounded rehearsed and Yoongi noticed, eyes softening at the sight of the tight smile etched onto your lips. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

There was a moment of silence, a moment where Yoongi and you just stared into each other’s eyes and deep down you knew exactly what he was telling you, but you refused to acknowledge it, refused to admit the truth.

“Okay,” Yoongi breathed, nodding before pushing off the wall and walking over to you. When he stopped next to you, you watched him flip open the notebook, finger tracing the first page like he had never seen it before.

“To: Min Yoongi aka Berlioz,” Yoongi whispered, reading out the first line of the page before moving on to the next line. “From: Y/L/N Y/N aka Toulouse,” he read the last line, “Happy Birthday!”

You stared at the letters in front of you, stared at the words you had written down in the notebook many moons ago before you gave Yoongi this notebook as a birthday present and slowly the smile melted off your face.

“Not really accurate anymore, is it?” Yoongi chuckled before flipping open the next page to be only met with your handwriting again.

“You said I could have it,” you mumbled and Yoongi’s smirk grew at your words before he closed the notebook and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you flush against his chest. You wanted to protest for a second, tell him you were going to wrinkle his beautiful black suit, but the words died in your throat.

It was just too nice, too comforting to say something and you needed this, needed this hug. And Yoongi knew it before you did.

You essentially melted in Yoongi’s arms and wrapped your own around him, holding him close to you because you never wanted this hug to end, never wanted to pull away from Yoongi, never wanted to let him go.

“It’s gonna be fine,” Yoongi whispered into your ear and you could feel his breath ghost through your hair. Your arms tightened around him at his words and your eyes fell shut as you rested your head against his chest.

“You’re gonna get through this all,” Yoongi continued and his lips skimmed the crown of your head lightly, “I know you can do this, Toulouse.”

“It just hurts, Berlioz,” you whispered quietly, voice breaking when you finally admitted the truth, when you finally admitted to yourself and to him that you weren’t okay. “It hurts so incredibly much.”

At this point, you just wanted to forget, forget the last couple of days, forget everything that had happened. Deep down, however, you knew that it was the wrong thing to do, that you actually needed to move on, but right now that felt impossible.

Right now you felt like your world was burning up, falling apart, crumbling in front of your feet. You wanted to do something, stop it all, but you were beaten and lying on the dirty floor.

Yoongi hummed and placed his chin on top of your head, rocking you back and forth.

“But you know what to do when it hurts, right?” Yoongi asked, his voice resembling a quiet whisper more than anything else. It was so quiet, so quiet like it was barely there.

Your lips formed a harsh thin line before you swallowed and buried your face deeper into Yoongi’s neck because, of course, you knew, but you didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to think about it for even a second.

“I know,” you said softly, recalling the words Yoongi had said when you had first admitted to him that you were starting to fall apart, that you were starting to crumble underneath all of the pressure, that you were starting to lose yourself in all of the pain.

“You can do it,” Yoongi said and his arms tightened around you like he wanted to give you some strength. “I know right now it seems almost impossible, but trust me, you can do this.”

Tears started building up behind your eyes and you had to bite down on your tongue to stop them from spilling, but you knew it wasn’t going to work out for long.

The pain was just too much, eating you alive, gutting you inside out, leaving you empty and in pain. You didn’t feel human anymore, barely felt anything anymore except for the numbing pain and you knew that a part of you had died, had died the last few days.

“You’re so incredibly strong and amazing and great,” Yoongi mumbled into your ear, words cutting so deep into you that you teared up again and you felt brought down to your knees. “And there’s nothing you can’t do and this is no different.”

“Every day is a new start, an opportunity to get back up on your feet and fight through it all,” Yoongi continued, words slipping off his tongue with ease like he had prepared these words before. “And I know it’s hard and that nothing seems fair right now, but — and it sucks to admit it — that is just life.

“But don’t let life beat you up, don’t let life tear you down, don’t let life reduce you to nothing, don’t let life stop you and hold you back.”

The tears spilled down your cheeks, running down the same path other tears had run down before. You could taste the salt on the tip of your tongue, could taste the pain and hurt on the tip of your tongue and you wanted to throw up.

“Because you’re incredible, Toulouse.”

The walls you had built up, the facade of being okay fell apart right in front of you. It all crumbled into dust, but Yoongi didn’t judge you for it. Instead, he let you cry out your eyes and kept providing you with the strength you were missing.

Yoongi and you hugged each other for seemingly forever and it was only because Yoongi’s phone went off that you two pulled apart. It stopped after just a second—almost like it wasn’t there at all.

When Yoongi checked his phone, you knew, knew he had to step out and call back. He always had to, without fail.

“Always so busy,” you mumbled with a hint of a smile playing on your lips.

You weren’t mad, by now you were used to it, used to work constantly calling him, used to him needing to call back even if it was two in the morning.

“When you’re as smart as me, people are just always demanding for your attention,” Yoongi laughed with a smile and you rolled your eyes at his words.

“Yeah, you’re so smart,” you snorted and Yoongi grinned at you.

“A genius you might even say,” Yoongi continued before winking at you. You almost bursted out into laughter and it felt so good to talk about something else for once. Only Yoogi could ever make you feel this way, make you feel this way when you were on the brink of falling apart, make you feel this way in mere seconds, make you feel genuinely happy.

“Self-proclaimed genius.”

Now, it was Yoongi’s turn to roll his eyes at you, but both of you had grins pulling on the corners of your lips.

“Please, I’m a genius and you know it.”

“God, you’re so arrogant,” you sighed and Yoongi laughed at your words before sighing and letting silence settle between him and you.

Yoongi and you looked at each other and even though neither of you were speaking, both of you said so much to each other in the silence. You knew what he was thinking and he knew what you were thinking.

“I’m so-”

“It’s fine, Berlioz,” you cut in before Yoongi could apologise and placed your hand on his chest, giving it a light pat. “Do your thing. Call back.”

Yoongi looked at you for a moment before he let his lips split into a smile.

“Thank you,” Yoongi said softly, hand wrapping around your wrist before he brought your hand up to his lips and pressed the softest and lightest kiss on your knuckles. “You’re the best.”

And for the first time, you genuinely smiled and it was all because of Yoongi, all because he was smiling at you too.

“Toulouse.”

“Berlioz.”

Yoongi gave your hand one last squeeze before he turned on his heel and walked out to call back work. You turned to your notebook again, fingers tracing the edge of the hardcover.

When you heard the door behind you click open, you whipped your head around. You were about to ask Yoongi if he forgot something, but then your eyes locked with Miyeon’s. Almost immediately you looked away and turned to the sink like you were busy with it.

You could hear Miyeon step inside the bathroom and you begged for her to just go into one of the many stalls, begged for her to walk past you without talking to you, but you should have known now that things never worked out the way you wanted them to.

“Y/N,” Miyeon started and you hated the way she said your name, hated the fact that she was talking to you at all. You were praying that Yoongi was going to come back in, was going to come in again even though this was the women's restroom and just rescue you, save you from Miyeon, but, of course, that was wishful thinking.

You screwed your eyes shut for a second, letting your head hang as you drew in a much-needed breath. Slowly you peeled your eyes open and met Miyeon’s gaze in the mirror.

Her face was contorted into what could only be described as pity and you wanted nothing more than to turn on your heel and storm out, but you couldn’t, couldn’t because you were too tired and exhausted to.

“I’m sorry,” Miyeon said and your eyes began to travel down her form in an attempt to distract yourself a little. Like you, she was wearing a simple black dress that ended just above her knees. The sleeves were a little long on her and you knew she had bought it in a hurry, just like you had with your dress.

Her words echoed on the walls of the big bathroom and you could feel them haunt you as they bounced around and filled the air.

“I’m so incredibly sorry,” Miyeon kept going and tore her gaze away from you. Her fingers started to fiddle with each other in front of her stomach and she shuffled on her feet as your silence continued on.

You knew you should interrupt her and tell her that it was fine, that you appreciated her words and whatnot, but you didn’t, didn’t appreciate them and at this point, you didn’t give a fuck about formalities.

“I can’t imagine- can’t imagine how hard this must be for you right now,” Miyeon mumbled and her words were obviously chosen very carefully. “Your dad-”

Before Miyeon could finish her sentence, the door to the bathroom flew open again and both of you whipped your head around to see who it was. For a whole second, you thought it was Yoongi, but then you were disappointed a second time today.

The woman who had just entered looked flustered, almost embarrassed when her eyes landed on Miyeon and you, clearly realising that she had interrupted something.

Miyeon stared at her with big eyes and at that moment, you grabbed your notebook and pressed it close to your body. When Miyeon looked at you to say something, you shook your head and spoke your first words and only words to her today.

“I’ll see you outside,” you mumbled and your voice was barely above a whisper. If it had been just a little louder in this bathroom or if your words hadn’t echoed on the walls, Miyeon wouldn’t have heard you.

You hoped you wouldn’t, wouldn’t have to see her again.

You pushed past Miyeon and the woman caught up rather quickly that you just wanted to get out, jumping out of your way like she was scared you would yell at her if she didn’t move fast enough. The door felt heavy as you heaved it open and it took you seemingly everything to get it to simply budge.

“Y/N,” Miyeon started again, but instead of turning your head around or responding, you let the door behind you fall shut and tell Miyeon exactly what you were thinking.

You stepped into the big empty lobby and your eyes scanned every corner, swallowing heavily as chills ran down your spine. There was just something so uncomfortable, alarming, heavy about this room, about the number of flowers that decorated it and centred around those two big doors.

Frantically you searched for Yoongi and seemingly out of thin air, your eyes locked with Yoongi’s across the room. Unlike the time when your eyes had met with Miyeon’s, you felt relief wash through you and your heart quicken in your chest in the best way possible.

The corners of your lips turned up slightly and you started moving towards Yoongi. Your grip around your notebook tightened as you walked towards him.

Yoongi waited for you, standing in front of those grossly decorated doors . Only a few metres separated you from him when the two big doors got pushed open and you came to a screeching halt.

“Y/N!” your mother called out when she saw you and Yoongi stepped away when she started making her way to you. Without sparing Yoongi much of a glance, your mother walked towards you.

You knew she hadn’t done it on purpose and that the last couple days had obviously been rough on her as well if the circles underneath her eyes were anything to go by, but it still bothered you and certain words danced on the tip of your tongue.

When you were about to notify your mother of Yoongi’s presence, he shook his head at you and gave you a look you knew just how to interpret.

“I was looking for you, darling,” your mother whispered when she reached you and combed through your hair, fingers tucking your curls back into place. “Where were you?”

You were too busy communicating silently with Yoongi to answer your mother and when she couldn’t take your silence any longer, she turned her head around and sighed before looking back at you.

“Honey,” your mother started again and Yoongi nodded towards your mother, telling you to focus on her instead of him. Your eyes flickered to her and she was already staring up at you.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Yoongi shove his hands into his pockets and you knew he was going to wait, wait silently until your mother and you had finished up talking.

“Where have you been?”

“I- I was just in the bathroom,” you shrugged and your mother frowned a little. It was then that you noticed just how much deeper her lines had gotten and you knew your father’s diagnosis was to blame.

“Okay, but please tell someone the next time before you just walk away. You scared me,” your mother mumbled and you simply nodded. The words of your mother barely registered in your mind and she knew they didn’t, but she didn’t say anything,

Your mother looked down at your hands and pried the notebook out of your grasp before you could protest. You were on the edge of snapping at her, telling her not to take it from you when she continued.

“Why is it wet?” your mother said, looking at her hand before using the sleeve of her black dress to swipe across your notebook. You quickly took it out of her hand and dried it yourself on your own black dress.

“I put it next to the sink,” you said and held onto it tighter this time, not wanting your mother to take it out of your hand one more time.

“Oh, okay,” your mother breathed and there was this uncomfortable silence hanging between you two. You watched as your mother’s eyes wandered all over your face, but they never locked with your eyes. It was like she didn’t know how to interact with you anymore and you didn’t blame her.

Your mother timidly took a hold of your hand like she was scared you would swat her hand away, lacing her fingers with yours before she tugged on it.

“Come,” your mother started and her voice was barely above a whisper. “We have to get back inside.”

Your gaze landed on Yoongi and when he nodded, you budged and followed your mother. Yoongi smiled at you, assuring you with that simple smile it was going to be fine.

Your mother led you to the two big doors and Yoongi silently followed you two. Again, your mother just walked past him and unlike you, he didn’t mind. He just fell into step with you and stayed by your side as your mother opened the door.

So far you hadn’t walked inside yet and when you saw the room that was hidden by those two big doors, your heart sank into your stomach. A second later, it started to beat out of your chest and you stopped dead in your tracks after barely crossing the doorway. The doors behind you pushed you forward a little when they closed behind you, but you didn’t care, eyes roaming the big room.

There were so many people, so many people you recognised and also didn’t recognise and they were all staring at you, focusing on you. Even though everybody was wearing black clothes like you, you felt like you stuck out like a sore thumb.

A painful knot lodged itself into your throat and you could feel your breath labouring. Your eyes shot from one side of the other room to the other and you struggled to find a focus point.

Your world started to crumble in front of you again, started to go up in flames and you were certain that the pain would rip you apart, crush your heart into dust.

Your mother looked at you through tears and you wanted to yank your hand out of her grasp and bolt and never look back, but you felt too weak to even do that. When you shuffled back, your shoes hit the door and your heart quickened immediately.

Anxiety bubbled up in your stomach and you felt like you couldn’t breathe, felt like there was somebody suffocating you, felt like you were going to faint any second, but before everything could spiral into something much worse, Yoongi intervened.

“Toulouse,” he whispered into your ear, his hand landing on the small of your back. “Breathe.”

You did as he said, took a deep breath and after a few seconds, you started to feel okay, started to feel somewhat fine again. Your mother’s hand tightened around yours during it all and you squeezed back when you felt like you were capable to.

Yoongi smiled next to you before giving you a light push, prompting you to start walking away. Your mother immediately led you to the front, past all of the people.

You knew about half of them and half of that half you would even call your own friends, but right now you were so focused on breathing and surviving this that you walked past them without sparing them a single glance, just like your mother hadn’t spared Yoongi a single one.

It didn’t take you long to realise that your mother was aiming for the front and it was then that you saw the gap in the first bench, obviously reserved for you.

“Come,” your mother whispered before sitting down, hand tightening around yours like she was afraid you were going to bolt.

You sat down on the wooden bench and Yoongi filled up the space next to you, finishing up the bench of people. When you sat down, you didn’t let go off your mother’s hand and instead held it tighter, feeling like you were getting lost again.

Your notebook landed in your lap and finally, you let your fingers slip into Yoongi’s. He wrapped his hand around yours, but his fingers felt cold around yours. Usually, you would have pulled away, but this time you didn’t care.

If you had looked down the line, looked down the bench, you would have recognised each and every face, would have realised that they all had come to pay their respects.

You knew you shouldn’t, but it was hard to resist the temptation. It wasn’t like you had given it. Instead, you had just slipped into it and done it, just turned your head around to study the room.

The room was split in the middle by an aisle and on each side, there were rows of benches, almost all of them were filled with people, people dressed in black on this bittersweet day. The sun poured in from the windows, but instead of giving everybody a warm glow, it casted dark shadows and painful contrasts.

Your eyes wandered to the front and it was then that you first saw it, actually saw it. You had heard people talk about it, debate which one was the right one, but you had always been too exhausted, too exhausted to chime in.

Upon seeing it, you knew it was the wrong one.

The casket was black, a rich black with sharp corners and there was just something so scary about it, something so uncomfortable and wrong. It didn’t do him justice, didn’t represent who he really was to the core.

You tore your gaze away, not wanting to spare the abomination that was the choice of this casket any longer any attention and instead your eyes landed on the picture next to it. When you saw it, your heart cracked into dust and the air was knocked out of your lungs.

You almost doubled over at its sight, unable to look at it longer than for a second.

You couldn’t get it out of your head even though you had ripped your gaze away. Tears blurred your vision, but the picture was very much imprinted in your mind. After all, you had taken it when you had attempted to get into photography a long time ago.

He was smiling and looking to the side. The sun had just begun to set and given him this angelic glow. His eyes had reflected perfectly in the light, but your photo barely captured the light and love and hope that had always sparkled in his eyes.

You didn’t remember what you had done on that day anymore, but you remembered how you had felt, how he had made you feel on that day and every other day you had the pleasure of spending time with him.

Bliss and Love.

Without fail, he had always made you feel the happiest and most loved person alive and words couldn’t even begin to capture how thankful you were.

And so it hurt so much more to see his picture up there. It hurt so much more to know that he was in this casket that was supposed to hold what was once him for the rest of eternity. It hurt so much more to realise that he wasn’t going to be with you anymore.

It hurt so much more to come to the conclusion that it was in vain to hold onto the pieces of him.

You had to let go.

“Honey,” your mother whispered into your ear, shaking you a little to rip you out of your thoughts. You snapped your head around and stared at her with big eyes. “It’s your turn.”

When your mother nodded to the front, you realised that you had missed it, missed all of the other people speaking, missed half of the service already.

You let go of your mother’s and Yoongi’s hand and swiped across your cheeks, catching the tears that had almost spilled. You held onto your notebook that was burning through your dress and into your legs, leaving scars on your skin and it hurt so much, but you couldn’t let go of it, couldn’t even if you wanted to.

Your mother gave you a nod when you turned to her and when you looked at Yoongi, he smiled at you and mouthed a single word.

Toulouse.

You wanted to return it, say your part, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it quite yet.

With shaky legs and buckling knees, you stood up and made your way to the front with your notebook clutched close to your chest like it was a shield.

When you reached the front and put down your notebook on the podium and looked into the audience for the first time, you thought you were going to collapse. Your heart had stopped beating all together after it had pounded so quickly and with such force that it couldn’t catch up with itself anymore.

Your eyes scanned the audience and you swallowed heavily. Maybe it was because you hadn’t slept properly in days or maybe it was because tears were brimming your eyes again, but all of the faces started to blur together.

The second your gaze met Yoongi’s, however, you were brought back to reality. You noticed the eerie silence and you knew everybody was waiting for you to say something.

Somehow you managed to flip your notebook open, fingers tracing the edge of the first page as you read the words you had written down before giving this notebook to Yoongi as a gift.

It was stupid because you knew the words by heart, but you needed to read them just once more before starting, needed to read them to yourself like a mantra before you would start speaking.

When your eyes flickered to Yoongi for a second, he knew. He knew what you were looking at and he gave you a smile. Only you two could recognise the importance of those lines.

To: Min Yoongi aka Berlioz. From: Y/L/N Y/N aka Toulouse. Happy Birthday!

With a shaky breath, you turned to the page you had bookmarked a few hours ago when you had written all of this down in the middle of the night after forcing yourself to.

Unlike the last time when you had looked at the words, they weren’t dancing in front of your eyes anymore, weren’t bleeding together anymore, weren’t playing hide and seek with you anymore. You could read them, decipher them now.

With another heavy and shaky breath, you opened your mouth and looked up from your notebook.

“I’m going to be honest I don’t know how to do this, how to eulogise.”

Yoongi and you locked eyes.

“Usually, I would have asked him how to because he was the smart one out of us two. God, he was so smart. Truly the smartest person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.”

Tears threatened to build up in your eyes and a lump started to grow in your throat, but you swallowed it all down.

“Around him I always felt a little dumb, but I think everybody did.”

A quiet laugh travelled through the rows and people nodded, but you kept your gaze on Yoongi, not wanting to look away for even a second.

“He was always, without fail, the smartest person in the room. Somehow, he always knew everything about anything, always knew what to say. He always knew best, knew better than anybody else.”

It was then that you realised that you didn’t need to read the words. You already knew them because they came from your heart.

You kept staring at Yoongi through tears, but even then you could see him clearly. You noticed the angelic glow around him, noticed how the sun complimented his beauty and his beauty only.

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair that Yoongi was still the most beautiful person amongst this crowd of people, wasn’t fair that he was the only one with an angelic glow around him, wasn’t fair that only his beauty was highlighted by the sun.

It wasn’t fair how ethereal and surreal Yoongi was.

“He was truly a genius.”

Yoongi smiled at your words, but at the same time, you could see the tears build up in his eyes.

“I always liked to say that he was only a self-proclaimed genius, but I think everybody knows that he was definitely not. So please, don’t tell him I called him a genius. He’d totally get a kick out of it.”

Another quiet laugh.

“And because I don’t know how to do this, don’t know how to properly eulogise and I cannot ask him, I’m going to ask for everybody's forgiveness because this will not be good. We all know he would do a much better job at this than I am- I ever could. We all know he would find the right words because he always did, always knew what to say.

“I promise everybody here that this will be awful, the worst eulogy- attempt of a eulogy, attempt of doing him justice anyone of you will ever hear because admittedly I am not quite ready.”

Your voice cracked as you struggled to form the next words, as you struggled to bring yourself to say them. And it took you an eternity to force yourself to continue.

“Not quite ready to say goodbye.”

Yoongi swallowed and the tears started to almost spill, run down his cheeks.

You knew that Yoongi was probably only crying because it pained him to see you on the verge of tears, pained him to see you say goodbye to him, pained him to see you have such a hard time letting go of the last pieces of him, pained him to see you come to the realisation that he wasn’t real, that he was all in your imagination, that he wasn’t here anymore, that he had left earth almost a week ago. Nevertheless, you liked to think that your words brought him to tears, liked to think that you could touch him with your words in a way he usually only managed to touch you.

“But I am going to try, try to say goodbye, say goodbye to him because I know that was what he’d want me to do. I know he wouldn’t want me to hurt, hold onto the pieces of him. I know he would want me to move on.

“So, I will try, will say goodbye to him with this.”

Yoongi started to choke up and so did you, but you fought through it, hands gripping the edge of the podium as you desperately tried to keep it together.

Your eyes continued to bore into Yoongi’s as you fought the hardest fight in your life.

“25 years or 300 months or 9125 days or 219000 hours or 788400000 seconds or simply put, all my life. I’ve known you all my life, spent practically every second of my life with you and, God, I loved every second of it. If I could, I’d wish for more, more time for you, for us. I’d wish for a lifetime for you, with you, a lifetime together so I can love you longer.

“I want to spend every second of the rest of my life listening to you play the piano until you’ve perfected the sonata you’ve been working on for ages, spend every second watching you attempt to make breakfast for us without burning down our kitchen in the morning, spend every second laughing with you until our stomachs hurt and tears brim our eyes and our laughter dies in the silence of the night as we grow tired, spend every second sighing as you go to answer the next work call, spend every second binging ‘Aristocats’ with you until we can both recite every line."

A shaky breath slipped past your lips and Yoongi let the smile fade away and be replaced by a thin line as he tried to swallow the tears and silence the sobs threatening to tear through his throat.

Your voice was weak, barely above a whisper, but you didn’t care. It didn’t matter because only he was supposed to hear.

This was for him and for him only.

“I want to spend every second of the rest of my life loving you.”

Yoongi screwed his eyes shut and you could see him try his hardest not to cry, not to break.

“Because every second I’ve had the honour and pleasure of spending with you, you’ve made me feel just that, made me feel so incredibly loved, loved so deeply that I never knew what to do, loved so unconditionally that I could never thank you enough for it.

“And I want to love you, love you until I can only remember how to love you, love you until my numbered days come to an end, love you so much that I outgrow, outlive my own capacity to love you.”

You paused, biting on your tongue as you swallowed the thick lump that had lodged itself into your throat. It hurt, hurt you so much to do this, but you knew you had to, knew that this was the right thing to do.

“Because you’re incredible.”

Yoongi peeled his eyes open to look right at you and you felt gutted, beaten as you looked into his beautiful eyes.

You let out a breath, sniffling a little before continuing.

“Because you’ve taught me how to open up, how to share, how to empathise, how to be patient, how to listen, how to speak up, how to live.

“But most importantly you taught me how to love.”

A strand fell into your face and you tucked it away, eyes digging further into Yoongi’s.

“And at the same time, you taught me how to dance with tears in my eyes, how to smile with pain ripping through me, how to speak with sobs tearing through my throat, how to live when my world is falling apart, how to buy a notebook and fill it with my own pain, how to be there for my dad through his battle with cancer.

“And I want to promise you my life, want to promise you every little piece of me, but you already have it all. It’s all yours already.”

Even with tears blurring your vision, you could see Yoongi clearly in front of you, could see the pieces of him you were holding onto.

“So, instead I’m going to promise you that every day I will get back up on my feet and fight through it all.

“I’m going to promise you that I will remember all of the lessons you’ve taught me, remember all of the things you muttered quietly in the middle of the night when I couldn’t fall asleep again, remember the words you whispered into my ear when the pain was threatening to rip me apart and consume me whole.”

You licked your lips, voice breaking as the tears continued to roll down your cheeks and stain the pages in front of you. But you didn’t care.

“You can do it. I know right now it seems almost impossible, but trust me, you can do this.”

Yoongi’s teeth sank into his tongue as you recited his words.

“You’re so incredibly strong and amazing and great. And there’s nothing you can’t do and this is no different.

“Every day is a new start, an opportunity to get back up on your feet and fight through it all. And I know it’s hard and that nothing seems fair right now, but—and it sucks to admit it—that is just life.”

The corners of Yoongi’s lips turned up into the tiniest smile as you continued to speak, not needing a single second to think about what to say.

“But don’t let life beat you up, don’t let life tear you down, don’t let life reduce you to nothing, don’t let life stop you and hold you back.”

Your hands tightened around the edge of the podium and you knew if you didn’t hold onto it, you would collapse, your knees would just buckle underneath you.

“Because you’re incredible.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line as you finished reciting Yoongi’s words. He looked at you with this smile on his lips, this bittersweet smile, and you could only mirror it, mirror it because with every word, with every sentence you could feel yourself let go more and more.

There was silence for a few seconds as you caught your breath and pulled yourself together. And if you had looked away for once, if you had taken your eyes off of Yoongi for just a second, you would have realised that everybody else was sobbing already, that you were keeping it together the best.

“You once told me that the average person can remember 10000 faces and recall 5000 of those and if I were ever to fall down the stairs and get amnesia like every girl does in the soap operas we loved to watch and laugh at,” another quiet laugh rippled through the rows, “I will promise you that I will still remember your face. And if my 5000 faces become only one face, it will be your face.”

Yoongi was sobbing alongside the others and you could feel yourself weaken, could feel yourself start to break apart more and more, turn into a weeping mess.

“Yoongi, Berlioz, you might not have been my first kiss or even my first love, but, trust me, you made all of the people before you irrelevant because no one compares to you. You were the only love that truly mattered, you were my one true love, the love of my life.”

Yoongi and you looked at each other and with quivering lips, Yoongi mouthed a single word.

Toulouse.

You smiled.

Berlioz.

Yoongi’s lips split into a bittersweet and painful grin at your response and you remembered it, imprinted it into your mind before you spoke up again,

“I love you, Berlioz.”

You blinked a few times before you closed your eyes. A deep breath filled your lungs as you prepared yourself for it. You whispered the last words and you knew he heard them nevertheless, you just knew,

“Thank you for everything, Yoongi, Berlioz, my genius.”

When you peeled your eyes open again, Yoongi was gone, but that was fine, fine because you got to say your goodbye to him.

You sat down with your notebook close to your heart and this time you didn’t leave space for Yoongi. And when you raised your head, you looked at the picture and saw him.

The love of your life.

→  links don’t work, but don’t forget to message me with any thoughts/feedback! i’d love to hear it!

#yoongi angst #suga angst #bts angst #yoongi x reader #suga x reader #bts x reader #yoongi fanfic #bts fanfic #suga fanfic #yoongi fanfiction #bts fanfiction #suga fanfiction #yoongi oneshot #bts oneshot #suga oneshot #yoongi imagine #bts imagine #suga imagine #yoongi scenarios #bts scenarios #suga scenarios #established relationship au #yoongi #bts #suga #love of my life #linh.fic

[bloo-the-dragon]

Magical Dreams (NiGHTS into Dreams Fanfic)

Quick little oneshot focusing on NiGHTS and Reala, based on a dream i had last night!

(Been a good long while since i’ve written anything, so it’s pretty rough but regardless i hope you enjoy!)

(If you reblog, please do not tag as ship)

~~~

Reala was sulking.

It was all he had been doing for the past who knows how long. At least, ever since Wizeman had been killed by NiGHTS and those two brats.

After his last battle with NiGHTS Reala had been knocked out for a good long while. By the time he awoke, he realised he could no longer sense his master. Unlike the time before, ten years prior when NiGHTS had simply weakened Wizeman and Reala had still been able sense the faint connection he had to his master.

Not this time.

Reala didn't know how long he had spent searching, around the castle, around Nightmare, looking for a sign, that faint tugging on his core when the master summoned him. But there had been nothing.

Well... almost nothing.

He had found something. Something familiar, though not related to Wizeman. At least not directly.

When Reala first sensed it he thought he had found his master, which admittedly had given him very mixed feelings at the time. Instead what he found locked away in a chest hidden within the confines of his masters private room was a blue ideya shard, similar in shape and size to the red one NiGHTS bore on his chest.

Reala recognised it as his own ideya core. After NiGHTS betrayal many years prior, Wizeman had felt it was necessary to remove and hold onto the Ideya cores of his remaining First Level's to ensure their loyalty.

While they could survive with them removed, (so long as they remained in the dream world the connection would always be there) it left them entirely at the mercy of Wizeman.

Should they displease him or give him reason to believe they had turned traitor, all Wizeman would had had to do is crush the crystal in his hand and that would be the end of them.

Reala shuddered, his hand ghosting over the crystal that now sat firmly against his chest, over the spot where the blue diamond pattern was. He had felt a great sense of relief and disappointment upon finding it. Disappointment because he had not found his master, and relief because he was finally reunited with his life source. His heart his... Soul.

He sighed, hand lowering back to his side, as he hovered inside his cage which sat in the dark barren wasteland that was the Nightmare realm.

After Wizeman's first defeat all those years ago, Reala had been given a false core, a crystal core encased in gold that was connected directly to master Wizeman, so he could ensure complete and utter control over Reala. He'd never admitted it, not out loud nor inwardly even if he could help it, but the false core felt horribly invasive. And terrifying.

It was however his strongest link to his master, and upon waking up and finding its shattered remains across his chest, and the persona broken in two beside him at that point he knew.

Even so he had chosen to search, though he no longer knew the reason why he did so. Loyalty? Respect? Fear?

Not that it mattered anymore. He found absolutely no trace of his master, and Reala knew it was all his fault. He had been the one thing left standing between NiGHTS, those kids and his master. Had he not failed, had he stopped NiGHTS then Wizeman wouldn't be gone.

In a strange way though, Reala had almost felt relieved at that initial realisation. His core was back safe and sound, and he no longer had to fear or suffer Wizeman's cruel punishments or fear having his heart crushed. The horrible false core that had been used to keep tabs on him at all times was destroyed and his mind was once again entirely his own.

Didn't stop the feeling of deserving punishment for having such thoughts and feelings however. If Wizeman were still alive, he'd be killed on the spot for his failures no doubt.

Though Reala preferred not dying, so instead he had chosen to self impose his own punishment by locking himself inside one of the capture cages once used for capturing NiGHTS.

So here he was. Sitting inside the cage once utilised for capturing his wayward twin, in the middle of Nightmare with nothing to do other than sulk over his situation, Wizeman's passing and just things in general.

He didn't know how long he had spent in there, by himself. All the lesser Nightmaren had disappeared, since Wizeman's downfall and so Reala was here all by himself. Him, this accursed cage and the never ending silence.

Or at least, it was silent until an all too familiar wooshing sound met his ears.

"Reala?"

He had barely time to register the sound from before, and the sudden voice right next to him had Reala quickly shooting up from his sitting position, nearly careening into the top of the cage as he did so.

Turning, Reala came face to face with the one individual he last wanted to see. NiGHTS was floating in front of the cage staring at him.

Reala blinked stunned. He had chosen to imprison himself in this very location because he had been certain it would be the one place NiGHTS would never come to. Apparently he had been wrong.

What was he even doing here? Hunting down the last of their brethren? Reala automatically took a defensive pose. Was he here to finish the job and kill him too?

Though, the confused and somewhat concerned expression on NiGHTS face seemed to negate that possibilty. Even so, Reala kept his guard up.

"What are you doing in there?" NiGHTS asked.

Reala glared at him, his defensive position faltering slightly. No, if NiGHTS was here to kill him, he would have attacked him already. Well regardless, Reala was in no mood to chat and so he glared before crossing his arms and turning his back.

"None of your business. Leave me alone."

NiGHTS hummed, but didn't leave. Instead he floated around the cage to face Reala who only hissed and turned away.  But NiGHTS kept at it, and Reala's anger only grew.

"Go away NiGHTS!" Reala snapped after the umpteenth time of NiGHTS trying to face him.

But NiGHTS ignored him. He cocked his head to the side, a thoughtful look on his face. "Why are you inside this thing Ree?"

"None of your damned buisiness now leave me alone!"

Reala emphasised the last word with a vicious thump with his hand on one of the golden bars. NiGHTS flinched slightly but otherwise made no move to leave. Suddenly his face lit up as if he had realised something.

"Wait a minute" he said "has this anything to do with Wizeman?"

Reala didn't answer.

NiGHTS floated around, tilting his head at Reala who simply turned away again. "Is this your attempt at self punishment because you failed to stop me? Is that it?"

Reala could hear the faint layer of amusement to his tone. He hated it, and he hated how quickly NiGHTS came to a conclusion. He growled, but otherwise didn't respond.

Maybe if he ignored him long enough he'd go away.

"You do realise now that Wizeman is gone, you don't have to worry about punishments anymore Ree" NiGHTS tone softened as he looked at his twin. "He can't hurt you anymore. You're free now! This self punishment thing of yours is silly and pointless-"

"Free?" Reala finally spoke, as he turned and fixed his twin with a vehement glare. "Thats easy for you to say traitor" he spat the word out like a snake would spit poison "you never had to put up with having your core taken and having a false one forced upon you and having every word every thought constantly monitered! Don't talk to me about freedom!"

NiGHTS looked taken aback and a little hurt by Reala's sudden outburst. Reala scowled in disgust and turned his back on his twin again with his arms crossed tightly across his chest. He couldn't stand that pitiful expression on NiGHTS face.

"Ree..."

"And besides" Reala continued sharply cutting NiGHTS off, "i could never be free, even if i wanted to" he finished quietly.

"Is the cage meant to be symbolic of that?" NiGHTS asked after a moment of silence. Reala didn't reply.

NiGHTS hummed, seemingly in thought about something. Reala inwardly groaned. He was clearly planning something, and whatever it was, Reala did not want any part of it.

He just wanted to be left alone to sulk in peace. Could NiGHTS not grant him even that?! He'd already taken everything else away.

"Actually" NiGHTS said suddenly brightening up, "theres something i've been meaning to show you"

Reala cast a sidelong glare over his shoulder. "No."

"Aww come on Ree! It'll be fun! Trust me!" NiGHTS held his hand out encouragingly.

Reala snorted. "And what makes you think i should trust you of all people?"

NiGHTS shrugged. "Well surely it's better than sitting in there all day"

Reala hated how he had a point there. Even so...

"I'd rather spend eternity stuck in here than ever trust you." He hissed. The words were meant to hurt, but Reala's tone lacked the bite it normally had.

NiGHTS was clearly unfazed as he pouted and kept his hand held out. "Oh dont be like that Ree. What are you so afraid of anyway?"

"I'm not afraid of anything!" Reala snapped.

"Well if thats true, then why don't you take my hand?"

Reala sent his twin a vehement glare over his shoulder, before his gaze flicked down to the offered hand.

He didn't like it, but the temptation was there. Admittedly, NiGHTS had peaked his interest the moment he mentioned he wanted to show him something. While he had passed the time - however long it had been Reala couldn't tell - stuck inside this cage mostly sulking, he had also been feeling rather bored.

But despite his previous statement, there was a twinge of fear he felt at the idea of leaving. Wizeman was dead, this he knew all too well but even so the feeling of needing to self-inflict punishment was still strong.

Because what if Wizeman did return? What if he returned and saw how Reala was flying around all willy-nilly as though he wasn't at fault for causing his master's downfall? What if-

"Ree" NiGHTS' voice snapped Reala out of his fast growing panicked thought process. He locked eyes with his twin who gave him a gentle smile.

"Trust me"

Reala scowled, and he looked down at the out stretched hand again before letting out a long rough sigh.

"Fine" he said drawing the word out through gritted teeth as he reached out and took his sibling by the hand. NiGHTS grinned and gently pulled Reala out of his self imposed cage.

Reala shuddered the moment he passed through the forcefield, his anxiety spiking to an all time high.

"See? That wasn't so bad!" NiGHTS said brightly.

"I hate you" Reala seethed under his breath, as he floated rigidly outside the cage. The temptation to dart back in was strong.

NiGHTS laughed before offering his hand again. "Come on, i know you'll like this" he smiled.

Reala highly doubted that, but he took NiGHTS hand albiet a little hesitantly without a word.

And away they went, up through the pitch black sky of Nightmare. It didn't last long however, as NiGHTS transported them to a dream world in Nightopia. Reala recognised it as being Twin Seeds, the same place Wizeman had been defeated a decade prior.

"Why have you brought me here?" Reala asked warily.

NiGHTS only grinned. "You'll see!" he replied cheekily as he guided Reala by the hand up towards the sky.

Reala however was beginning to lose patience, and a part of him still stubbornly refused to see what NiGHTS wants to show him that is 'oh so magical'. A part of this defiance bubbled to the surface, and Reala shut his eyes.

"How're you going to see it if you've got your eyes closed?" NiGHTS suddenly said jokingly. "Not still scared are you?"

"Of course not!" Reala snapped, opening his eyes to glare at his twin, who simply grinned at him as he contiued to guide Reala further upwards.

They passed through a cloud, and once again Reala found himself closing his eyes, either out of stubborness or reflex he wasn't too sure himself.

He re-opened them again as NiGHTS slowed and they finally broke through the cloud.

It was at that point Reala sucked in a sharp breath, as his eyes widened in wonder and amazement at the sight suddenly presented before him.

Above him, was a beautiful night sky filled with stars and colourful nebulas and a large bright crescent moon.

The clouds were spread about all around below them, though there were plenty of large gaps inbetween where one could see the city of Twin Seeds glittering below, but that was far from Reala's attention right now. The lights of the city had masked the nightsky below the cloudline, but up here it was... it was...

"Pretty magical isn't it?" NiGHTS said with a warm grin. He cast his own gaze upward to match his brothers, his smile turning into something a bit more forlorn. "Certainly brings back memories huh"

Reala said nothing. He was still speechless, his gaze fixed on the twinkling stars and swirling colours of the distant nebulas as memories from a time long since passed slowly came back.

A time when he and NiGHTS were small, younger, a time when when they had been more carefree and would visit various Nightopia's to play and chase one another. Or to simply sit and enjoy the wonderous scenery created by the creative mind of a sleeping dreamer.

It had been so long, he had forgotten. During all his time serving under Wizeman, he had seen many different Nightopia's but hardly paid them any attention. After swearing fealty to his master once he and NiGHTS came of age, all that had mattered to him from that point on was pleasing his master and collecting the Ideya through whatever means possible. Whatever beauty the nightopia's had never lasted long, and it hadn't taken long for Reala to forget the times from before as well.

He slowly realised NiGHTS must had not forgotten. Was that part of why he had defected? Wizeman never showed them such wonders like this afterall. All he ever taught them was fear, pain and respect.

If this was what freedom was like, it was no wonder NiGHTS had left.

"I.. It's... Yeah" Reala breathed, finally finding his voice. NiGHTS turned his head towards his sibling and smiled, a big happy smile, probably the most genuine smile he'd made in a very long time, which was further amplified by the soft light of the moon and the light of the stars reflecting in his eyes.

"So you remember?"

"Yeah... yeah i remember." Reala smiled back.

NiGHTS smile only widened, and Reala suddenly became very self concious of what he said and the small smile that had snuck its way onto his face. He scowled and looked away sharply, a faint blush dusting his cheeks. NiGHTS chuckled.

"Y'know i never get tired of seeing this. One of my favourite past times is to fly up here and play my flute. I've always wanted to show you" he added in a faintly sad whisper.

A small pang of guilt shot through Reala before he could think, and he growled under his breath, forcing it down.

"Yeah well... now you showed me" Reala replied as nonchalantly as possible.

NiGHTS smiled at him. "And?"

"And what?"

"Do you like it?"

Reala glared, and he turned his head away crossing his arms.

"Yeah, sure whatever."

NiGHTS laughed, a soft musical sound and Reala found he couldn't stay grumpy and his own mouth twitched into a smile.

They both returned to gazing up at the beautiful night sky. After a short while, Reala coughed, drawing NiGHTS attention.

"Um.. thanks... by the way. For.. showing me.. this" Reala mumbled, keeping his head turned to hide the growing blush.

NiGHTS simply smiled that soft smile again. "You're welcome Ree."

And with that, the two fell once again into a blissful silence, and they contined to watch the magical nightsky together. And Reala thought:

Perhaps freedom isn't so bad afterall.

#nights into dreams #balan wonderworld #Bloo's Art #(might as well throw it under the art tag) #So yeah! #I got lucky enough to see NiGHTS and Reala in a dream! #it was a pretty cool experience #was kinda like watching a tv show tbh #it didn't last long from what i can recall but it was incredibly sweet #i'm glad i remembered it enough to share it via (albiet roughly written) fanfic for you all :'D #nightsposting #nights #reala

[alreadyblondenow]

King Taeyong | 3

Taeyong x ballerina!reader // SMUT, FLUFF, ANGST, fantasy!au Summary: You welcome back Taeyong in your life after he left you for almost a year. Maybe its because your feelings never left in the first place. Now that he’s back, he’s more transparent and honest with you. Promises over promises, is he going to keep his promises this time?  Word count: 5k Warnings: Unprotected sex, swearing, mentions of other idols, pairing of other idols but not too much, death of someone  Note: -The fantasy part is already here. I tried to keep it short and simple, didn’t want to overdo it.  -Imagine a Narnia kingdom setting hihi Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Seeing Taeyong again after for so long was something you’re not looking forward to happen. Even though you imagined him coming back to you, now that its real you’re like a statue. You have million things to say to him but non came out in your mouth. You wanted to yell at him, curse at him but you can’t. It’s been a long time but what you feel for him never left.  

You made coffee for the both of you still trying to escape the gaze from Taeyong’s eyes.  Those beautiful eyes that will make you fall in love with him again any second. Those beautiful eyes you used to lock eyes with while he’s making love with you.

“Y/n, I’m sorry” he broke the silence but his voice was almost a whisper. It made your heart sink, suddenly you’re hurt again. Tears falling because you don’t know what he’s sorry for. Are you sorry because you went away? Are you sorry because you’re breaking up with me?

“But can you please, come with me?” he added. You were so confused because you thought he’s here for closure.  “Baby please, just please. I’ll explain later. ” the pet name gave you shivers, hearing him call you with fondness again makes your heart warm. Out of respect and curiosity, you grabbed any coat you could find. Putting the cupcakes to the fridge, and leaving a note to Jaehyun, ‘I went out with Taeyong.’

Seeing Taeyong with his two bodyguards Jungwoo and Lucas is something normal, but seeing more than two bodyguards in front of your apartment sure is not. You try to count them in mind and they were at least eighteen. Why does Taeyong has eighteen bodyguards today?

His bodyguards addressed him as “Your highness,” as if he’s really a king or someone from a royal family. “The car is at the back of the building” a man in black suit informed Taeyong without any expression. Just a stern look in Taeyong’s eyes. What is happening. Is this some kind of joke.

All is settled inside the car and you sit as far from him crossing your arms and biting your lip from time to time. He came closer to you touching your knee with full bravery but you moved it away. “I promise all will make sense later” he said, keeping his hands to himself not trying to touch you again. Everything thats happening right now looks like a joke to you, some sick prank.

“I missed you. so much” he started talking again, annoying you with his sweet gestures.  You still gave him the silent treatment that he deserves but deep inside you wanted him to know how much you missed him too. And that you waited for so long but he never came back.

Finally, the car stopped. When Taeyong opened the door, the light coming from the outside was weirdly different from your perspective. You got out of the car still squinting trying to recognise where on Earth did he take you.

Everywhere you look seems so foreign in your eyes, you’re positive that you’re not in your own country. Impossible, you cant believe what you’re seeing right now. Is this a dream? A castle is right in front of you, one that looks like it came from a storybook. Tall, wide and overwhelming for your eyes but nonetheless it welcomes you. Seeing people bow before Taeyong, convinced you that this might be a dream, or a nightmare because Taeyong is in it.

This cant be real.

When the two of you are finally alone in his so called office... in his kingdom, you wanted to wake up. Thinking about opening your eyes over and over again, forcing yourself to wake up. Seeing Taeyong in a dream hurts so bad it makes your heart heavy, you cant take it anymore.

“you’re not dreaming” Taeyong surprised you with a kiss being brave again. You slapped him in the face, hard. Your hand burns from the slap “it’s hurts right?” Taeyong asked, “That means you’re not dreaming”

No, it cant be. Taeyong? A king?

Everything that’s happening right now is like a big pill that’s hard to swallow. The moment you saw Taeyong on your doorstep, asking you to come with him, his kiss, the castle, is all too much and hard to believe. You asked Taeyong again what is this place but you get the same answer, “My kingdom.”

“Oh please Taeyong, not that bullshit again” you said hard and stern. He rolls his sleeves and let out a heavy sigh. He’s not forcing you to believe him but he wants you to believe on every word he’s about to tell you now. He clears his throat, and made you sit on the couch with him.

“I was away for a friend’s wedding. He’s a good friend of mine and I couldn’t miss his wedding” he breaths in and exhales sharply,  “the wedding was perfect and everyone was having a good time, until… someone shot the groom, my friend, Taemin, right before my eyes. His wife... died too” his steady voice is not so steady now, you see his hands shaking while telling you more of what happened and to be honest you dont know if you should believe it.

“It was a fucking massacre we should’ve known better. Johnny lost his girlfriend too” he reaches for your hand and smiled when you didn’t nudge. “I was thankful… Really thankful that you were far from me during that time. Many people died that night. A lot of kingdoms right now are facing big problems. My kingdom needed me y/n, thats why I couldnt go back to you.”

Feeling his touch again made you want to wake up more. Praying that you really wanted to open your eyes now. Too much, everything about this dream is too much. “Doyoung, Johnny and Yuta are now looking for the last assassin, and it’s in your world. We figured, its there to hurt me, to kill you” there was a moment of silence, he came closer to you, his lips touched yours again. You didn’t slapped him this time. His soft lips made you want to stay in this dream more, if this is a dream might as well drown in it.

You hugged him tight, you both fell on the floor with a loud thud. He chuckled but you see tears in his eyes, “look babe were on the floor again” you dried the tears on his eyes with your thumb and laughed with him. Suddenly happiness hits you like a truck again just like the day you met Taeyong for the first time. “Can I kiss you again?” this time its you who initiated the kiss, you kissed him deeply with love.

He asked you to changed your clothes so people in his kingdom wont think your clothes are weird. The maids picked a simple beige garden dress for you though It was kind of long for your liking but it was surprisingly lightweight and beautiful. In other words, you looked like a princess. Get it together y/n, you’re a ballerina for goodness sakes think of it as a costume.

The place looks exactly how fairytales described it. High ceilings painted with clouds and angels, open roof for the everyone to admire the beautiful sky, fresh breeze, people wearing fancy dresses, knights guarding every corner of the palace and Taeyong....looking like a prince fresh out of a story book. You wait at the big balcony watching the sun set in front of you almost looking like a painting. “Im sure you have a lot of questions” Taeyong interrupted your thoughts.

You scoffed, “Lee Taeyong, you have no idea”

“Im sure I can answer them all. Fire away”

“Well, you can start by telling me the truth and tell me stuff I need to know. Parents? Siblings? ....Allergies?” You shook your head, “personal stuff Taeyong”

He’s calm expression melts your heart, he’s always like that. You felt him kiss your exposed shoulders his arms encircled on your waist. “I’m still your Taeyong. Just add the word king” he let out a soft chuckle but you gave him a look telling him you’re serious. “Okay, tiger. chill” he hugged you tighter letting his warm breath hit the shell of your ear, “I lost my parents when I was 8 from the same assassins that killed my friend Taemin. I have a sister but she’s in your world living peacefully without any memory of this world. I dont have any allergies” he turned you around so you’re facing him, he missed being this close to you. He doesn’t say it but he’s so turned on right now, his gaze never leaving yours.

“In your world, you call my world... a fairytale. There is magic lurking in this world but nothing too crazy don’t worry. No harry potter type of situation.” He winks.

“I want you to meet someone very important to me, one of these days I’ll bring you to her. She’s someone special and she helped me shaped my life and with my duties as king” you nod silently.

Taeyong secretly worries about you, to be honest he worries for you and your mental state while living with him here in his kingdom. Is it really okay with you? Do you still see him as the Lee Taeyong as your number one fan and not as the highest king in this world?

“Y/n.. please be honest with with me. Dont hide what you really feel right now.”

“Baby. You were gone for almost a year, it was a lonely time for me. I appreciate your effort for explaining everything even though its too much. I’ll get there. I hope you understand that.” he nods changing the subject and showering your face with kisses.

“How are you?” Taeyong asked sweetly like how he usually do.

You let out a small laugh, and told him everything he missed. That you were devastated, sad and lonely when he was gone and that he missed the opportunity of meeting your parents during Christmas eve. “Im sorry. Im sorry for not being normal enough to make you happy and provide normal stuff-“

“Dont say that” you cut him off, “You’re more than enough for me Taeyong. Dont say stuff like that” he’s still guilty but you comfort him nonetheless you never want to feel sad anymore. Not now that you’re in each others arms again.

Taeyong prepared dinner for the both of you while you’re out roaming the castle grounds. He made a picnic style dinner setup at the balcony of his chambers making you comfortable on your first night here in his kingdom. “Yum!” you let out a groan out of excitement and told him you missed his cooking.

“You know, I planned to have my own bakery. I already took care of the loan and the bank will help me make my dreams come true” you sounded really excited while telling him what you’ve been up to while he was away. He was happy that you had everything under control and you made the planning all by yourself. “Actually I could help you out. Forget about the bank, I can help you. Let’s find a decent place for your bakery when we get back” Of course your super rich boyfriend will help you out because he loves you so much.

You knew Taeyong loves seeing you do what you love, and you know Taeyong offered help because this is his way of taking part in your life. Again. And you love him more for it. “Yeah. Lets do that” you accepted his offer with a smile, feeding him a potato chip with a mouthful of guac. Just how he liked it. “How about you Taeyongie, whats new?” you made him think hard. “Hmmm. Well, do you accept interns?” You laughed hard and loud your giggles echoed in his room.

“What Im serious! I can taste everything you make, clean tables, anything you like me to do” There’s the Taeyong that you know. The simple man with a great sense of humour that you fell in love with. Now that you’re talking about dreams, you confidently told him about the life you wanted to build with him when all this is over, telling him you cant wait to go back and be with him again.

“If you’re going to marry me someday. I want a baby girl... now, I know you need a prince as an heir....” Taeyong laughed so loud enough for the whole castle to hear. Brave of you to tell him that you want kids in the future.

“But I want to have my own mini me. And maybe if we get lucky, you can have your own mini you” you continued and Taeyong is still laughing.

“I’ll help you buy our house when I save enough from the bakery. We will make love from sun up until sun down. Never ending happy mornings with you. Tie my hair until we grow old and everything in between, I just want to be with you until I die” Even though it made Taeyong laugh so hard, he can’t help but have butterflies in his stomach the whole time you were talking. He wanted the same thing too.

“I promise. We will have a normal life.” he kissed you to seal his promise.

After dinner you took a shower in Taeyong’s garden bathroom. Never getting used to what this castle can do, it really surprised you how a bathroom can be so magical. Taeyong’s bathroom smells like fresh flowers everywhere, maybe thats why Taeyong smells good all the time. It feels good to be in Taeyong’s comfortable clothes again. He gave you his favorite sweater and a pair of comfortable sweatpants. You only wore the sweater and underwear, not bothering to wear sweatpants.

As you got out of the bathroom you see Taeyong laying in bed with a book on his hand, topless and flashing his wide broad shoulders. You remember nights at your apartment when he waits for you in bed while he’s playing games on his phone. He looks so handsome. You crawl towards him feeling his soft bed and snuggles beside him comfortably. “Finally. Some alone time with you” he kisses you softly, carefully nibbling your neck and slowly tugging the sweater that he gave you as if he’s testing waters.

You were impatient so you removed it already showing off your breast to him. He gently kisses your body marking it like how he used to. His touch and kisses are still the same you thought. Oh how you missed this feeling. You crave for Taeyong and he can see that you’re eager “Slow down baby. We have all night” he says while drawing small circles on your thigh. It makes you crazy how he’s taking time with you and how he slowly devours your skin while you crave for him entirely.

He quickly switched positions with you, now kissing your lips slowly going down to face your pussy. Gently spreading your legs in front of him, you let out a gasp and a choked  moan when Taeyong blows cold air at your slit, making you shiver. He smiles at you before he finally licks your pussy, slow and deep. His tongue starts from the bottom slowly goes up to your clit and gently kiss it. Catching your first orgasm for the night, Taeyong overstimulates you while you ride your high. Your moans are load and sharp he cant help but smirk and feel proud of his work.

“Baby are you planning to wake up the whole castle?” leaving wet kisses on your left breast and bites your nipple.

“Babe just fuck me already” you beg, feeling his hands kneading your breast, playing with your nipples with his thumb. You’re so focused on what he’s doing with your breast, you didn’t notice he’s spreading your legs wide for him preparing you before he finally fucks you. Without warning he inserts two fingers already to stretched your cunt. You yelped and tried to grasp anything from bed, you feel like your energy was slowly fading until you surrender in his touch. He chuckled.

This is not funny Taeyong. “Lee Taeyong im almost the-“ you warn him but he lets you cum on his fingers. You whisper sweet words to him expressing how much you missed him and it made the sexual tension more intense. Lining his cock on your pussy, coating it with your essence and slowly he gets deeper and deeper inside you. It feels so good. He fucks in slow pace, taking his time before going faster. You let out a string of moans, encircling your arms on his neck feeling his back muscles.

Slow, fast, deep and sharp thrust. He’s taking his time, fighting his urge to cum before you. Little did he know you cant take it anymore, you’ve cum so many times when he was fucking you slow. You tried pushing him away but you’re too weak. Taeyong fucked you again and again until you don’t respond to him and he let’s you sleep. He took care of you before joining you, made sure you’re clean. “I love you y/n” he whispers before sleeping beside you.

Taeyong slept like a baby beside you. It was his first time getting a good sleep from months of longing you. Telling himself he will never let anything come between the two of you ever again.

And it went on like this for days, weeks, even months while you’re stay in his kingdom. You became used to the castle grounds already, roaming around as if you’ve live there for a long time. On your way to Taeyong’s office, you see Taeyong with a beautiful woman almost your age wearing a beautiful dress, she has gorgeous long straight blonde hair and her skin is as fair as Taeyong’s. You got jealous for a second but maybe he’s Taeyong’s cousin or whatever.

Taeyong saw you and quickly introduced you to the beautiful princess in front of you.

“Y/n, this is Sorn. My fiancé”

Your what Lee Taeyong?

You gave him a look. A look thats saying you’re confused, mad and at the same time you want to punch him. Then you remembered the time when Jaehyun introduced himself as your future husband, you think this is his way of getting even. But he wasn’t kidding at all.

“Arranged marriage when we were both still young. I hope you understand” the princess speaks and reached out a hand full of sparkling rings. You wonder which ring Taeyong gave her. You didnt have a choice but to be nice.

Taeyong and Sorn are now talking inside his office about some royalty shit you thought and you can’t help but sulk. Yuta noticed that you’re bothered by the thought of Taeyong having a fiancé, hoping he could help you feel better he explains the situation further.

“Don’t worry y/n, it’s only for formality. This royalty shit is crazy and Taeyong needs a “queen” to rule here so he can be with you from time to time in your world” you thought that the idea was fucked up. “What was he thinking?” You almost shout but Yuta laughs at you.  “I told you. This royalty shit is crazy. A lot of sacrifices needs to be done”

“I love her y/n” Yuta finally confess. “To protect this world. To protect my kingdom, I have to let go of Sorn” your heart aches for what Yuta just told you. How can the world of royalties can be so cruel to good people?

Yuta and Sorn were young and in love for as long as they can remember. So deeply in love, that they plan to help each other’s kingdoms by marriage someday. But Sorn’s family faced problems and they needed help immediately, so the royal court’s decision is to arrange her for marriage. The royal court is so obsessed with finding Taeyong a queen and they saw Sorn as a good opportunity. “Duty before self” Yuta explained.

“Why didn’t you volunteer your kingdom? Is that too selfish?” You asked, trying not to sound rude.

“My kingdom is not that rich to solve her kingdom’s money problems. Thats why I’ve been  saving money in your world and be as rich as possible. That’s how I help my father with being king for now “

You cant believe this tragic love story that you’re hearing from Yuta. Just the thought of it makes you scared, that even though two people deeply love each other if fate is not in their favor, you can’t do something about it. Feeling bad about oversharing his feelings, Yuta told you not to worry, for Taeyong loves you so much and his kingdom equally.

You didn’t notice that you fell asleep while waiting for Taeyong to join you in bed. You felt soft kisses on your cheek, Taeyong waking you up in the middle of the night. Softly stroking your hair telling you to shush and follow him. Guiding you as you follow him to dark places that you’re not familiar with, you finally arrived to where he’s taking you.

You squint a little, seeing candles lit up, different flowers scattered on the floor, you’ve guessed you’re walking on an aisle with Taeyong. Doyoung, Yuta, Johnny and....a priest is waiting at the end of the aisle. Gasping as you realised, you’re about to get married.

“I was actually going to ask you to marry me over dinner tonight but-“ you cut him off and kissed him. “I’ll marry you.” You sad with a smile and hugged him tight. Crying tears of joy already.

You both proceed to this secret wedding that he organised. It was simple, just like you’ve always wanted. Genuine like him and sincere like his love. Taeyong promised to give you a proper wedding when you both get back to your world, but you told him you wouldn’t trade this wedding for anything.

Doyoung, Yuta and Johnny are happy for the both of you. They’ve seen Taeyong suffer enough without you and they all think that you both deserve to be happy. The three princes congratulates the both of you and telling them they’re more than happy seeing their Taeyongie marry happily someone he loves.

“Just dont be too loud fucking tonight or the castle will know somethings up” Johnny jokes making Taeyong punch him on his arm.

You spend your honeymoon enjoying the cold breeze around the palace. Sitting on the grass while watching how the castle turn yellow because of the soft sunrise. Taeyong got you beautiful flowers from his garden, tying it in a perfect knot making a small bouquet. He told you that the last assassin is dead and finally you can go back to the human world.

Just like the sunrise, you watch Taeyong be happy beside you. Remembering every detail of this beautiful moment. He noticed you were staring at him for a while now and he cant help but make you laugh by showing his wedding ring. Reminding you that he’s your husband from now on. Taeyong completely changed your life.

It was almost afternoon when you finally wake up from your sleep and still couldn’t believe that you’re married to this handsome guy kissing you. For the second time, Lee Taeyong is waking you up from your beautiful sleep by kissing you until you acknowledge him. “Lee Taeyong what do you want?” You asked him forcing yourself to open your eyes.

“Good morning... wife” and that alone made you smile. Taeyong thought your smile was so bright but it never hurts his eyes.

“I need you to meet someone important today” he’s now kissing your neck. Seriously this guy. “Last three days before you leave this kingdom by the way” he chuckled. “Everything will go back to normal once we go back. I promise.” He gave you one good kiss before leaving to prepare for breakfast.

He told you that you’re meeting the kingdom’s witch, a nice witch who helped him to be the king that he is.  “Ruby is like my secret weapon. She warns me and gives me knowledge with all the decisions that I make for the kingdom.”

Ruby is a witch that tells Taeyong what the future holds for his kingdom. She never tells what will happen entirely. She didn’t want to ruin the natural order of the universe, she can only warn his king and give him choices to make good decisions.

When you arrived at where you believed Ruby lives, a pond inside a cave, you thought that maybe Ruby likes fishing. You peeked at how deep the pond is and you see coins and, random things under the water that are all solid gold.

“Anything you throw in this pond turns into solid gold” he winks after he explains.

You saw the water shine as Ruby comes out of the pond with all her glory turn into this gorgeous human in front of you. From being a mermaid with golden fishtail. A mermaid witch, you thought. And she is naked in front of your husband with only her golden hair covering her boobs. Wow.

“Y/n, this is Ruby.” Taeyong broke the silence. When Ruby took a step further out from the water, she turned in a much decent human, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you y/n. Congratulations.” She smiled sweetly to you.

Ruby was nice to you and she offered to read your future. You didn’t want Ruby to show you your future to be honest, but you did it for Taeyong. She asked for your hand, holding it while she looks directly in your eyes. You saw what she saw. And there’s no need to tell Taeyong about it. You both giggle like little girls after you both saw your future, leaving Taeyong really curious.

In the future that Ruby showed you, you will have a little girl. And you will live like how he always promised for the both of you. Its pure happiness. “Thank you Ruby. It really means a lot” you told her with sincerity.

But little did you know, Ruby just showed you the future that you wanted to see. Not showing you your true future. She asked to speak to Taeyong privately and you respectfully left them talking.

Ruby did the same thing to Taeyong, but without the filter.  She showed Taeyong the challenges and pain he will put you through if he continue this married life with you.  “Your highness, Im afraid you’re not going to be the father of the child” Ruby showed Taeyong what you saw in her eyes earlier. It made him smile but he felt a pang of pain at the same time.

“Don’t get me wrong your highness, the child will come from you. But you will not be present as her father in her life.” Taeyong was confused. Ruby continued showing him more, and his world crashed. His heart feels heavy, he feels broken than ever. Taeyong is scared to the bone right now, but he trusts Ruby with his life and he is positive that Ruby wants what’s best for the kingdom and him.

Taeyong saw how his kingdom suffered from a famine while he was away from the kingdom living his life with you in the human world. He will have no other choice but to leave you again for the kingdom needs him. The famine will last for a year, and your pregnancy will not be the healthiest. You will lose the child and it will drive you to killing yourself. He saw how Doyoung told him the news that you passed away and it made him crazy. Taeyong turned into a mad king and the whole kingdom suffered in other words.

“Your highness now I ask of you.... to do the same thing as we did to your sister and prevent everything whats about to happen. We will create a life for y/n, a beautiful life without you in it” Ruby explains with a heavy heart.

Taeyeon. Taeyong’s sister is living well in the human world without any memory of the kingdom. Taeyeon was with their parents when they were killed and the incident traumatised her. To save her from being crazy, they gave her a potion for forgetting everything about the incident, the kingdom, Taeyong, everything.

Taeyong didn’t have much choice. He didn’t want to hurt you and kill yourself that will indeed make him crazy for good. Although its wrong for him to decide on his own, he still agreed to Ruby. He told her all about your dreams, the normal life you long with him, and the bakery you wanted to be successful with.

“I want her - I want her to have a peaceful life when she wakes up. A life without sadness, make sure she’s never alone or lonely. Be sure to never let her give up dancing because she loves her craft so much. Let her explore new things” Taeyong sniffs and continues to instruct Ruby. “She wants a bakery, let it be so successful customers will always buy every masterpiece she bakes. Please let her be with someone who truly loves her the same way I will.”

It really hurts him to pass you on to someone, it breaks his heart thinking of another man having you. “Please let that man be Jaehyun” he could only trust you with Jaehyun. Ruby hands the potion to Taeyong with a heavy heart. “I know you just got married. I’m sorry my king”

Your husband cant look you in the eye right now, but he stayed brave and put the small bottle in his pocket. “I’m still curious on what she showed you babe” Taeyong said, faking a smile. You let out a loud laugh without knowing what he really feels.

“Oh its a secret” you told him with a big mocking smile.

“I love you, y/n” he smiles ever so sweetly before your eyes.

Noticing his beautiful rose scar, and gently stroking it with your thumb. “I love you too, Lee Taeyong.”

#nct-writers #neowritingsnet #cznnet #nct taeyong #nct smut #nct fluff #nct angst #taeyong smut #taeyong fluff #taeyong angst #nct #nct scenarios #nct imagines #fantasy au

[innittowinit]

Runaways and waiting rooms

Relationships: PLATONIC, Tommy and wilbur

Summary:  Tommy has been feeling overwhelmed lately and decides to run away and find Wilbur instead.

Warnings:  for like one line where Tommy is talking about how he feels, he mentions not being able to eat. It's literally only for one line though and if you skip it it will make no difference

Word count: 2385

Language: English

AO3 

Tommy held his breath as he shoved a pair of thick socks into his backpack. He couldn't believe he was doing this; running away was always something he saw in movies. It was a big thing that would definitely be exciting and freeing but logically he knew it would most likely just be lonely and scary. School had been over this countless times, if you feel bad you need to go to a trusted adult. 

That had been drilled into his mind since he was little. So why did the only adults he trusted lived so far away? 

He wasn’t actually running away, he told himself this again and again. If he was running away, which he wasn't, he’d be a lot angrier, he’d probably have gotten into a fight with his parents. 

This wasn’t running away. This was just leaving without letting anyone know.

Next was a fleece blanket, rolled it up as tight as he could to make it to save room; he still didn't know if Wilbur would even let him stay with him. Asking him now felt so overwhelming. It felt like giving up, Wilbur would definitely try to convince him not to leave home. 

With a rough throat and a note left scribbled on his desk, he crept out of the front door. Realistically he knew he could make it on his own, he had a stable income and with his laptop in his bag he knew he'd be able to stream, even if the quality had to be lowered slightly to keep the frames smooth. Hopefully Wilbur's place had good wifi. 

As he walked towards the train station, he thought about why he had chosen Wilbur, Tubbo was closer, much closer, but there was just something about the man that made him feel safer than he did at home right now. 

Maybe it was the big brother vibes, maybe he just didn't want to inconvenience Tubbo’s family. God he hoped he wasn't going to be turned away.

Wilbur had his own life.

what if he wanted to have a girl over or something? it would be so awkward to have a 16 year old in the other room.

Maybe it would be best if he turned around and went back home.

No. He told himself, the word spinning around in his head as he made his way to the train station. Absolutely, Positively, giving up now would be the wrong thing to do. He had to do this, It would hurt being away from his family and friends but things were just too much right now. He needed an escape. 

Wilbur would give him that escape. He hoped so at least. 

As he made his way to the station, bag slung over one shoulder, he contemplated his reasons for doing this. 

There was too much pressure. That was it. He was expected to do so much and there was such a fine line between being proud and putting pressure on someone. 

How could he be expected to average 100k viewers, bring in excess money, get amazing grades and still have time for family situations?

His reasoning was pathetic, he knew that much, but he didn’t plan to stay gone forever. He just wanted a break, some time to think. He wanted the world to stop spinning for one second so he could catch his breath. 

That’s why he was going to Wilbur. Wilbur understood these feelings, nobody else did. He loved his parents but they didn’t understand the pressure of having so many people watch your every move. He just needed some alone time. 

Before he knew it, he was standing on his platform, anxiously pressing the button to open the train’s door, climbing on with shaky legs.

This was real. He was doing this. There was no turning back now 

Sitting down in a corner and pulling up his hood, he prayed that he wouldn’t get noticed. God that would be mortifying, to have his fans see him now, at his absolute lowest point, where he felt so worthless and tired. 

Not only that but he was sure that the photo would spread like wildfire as evidence he had ran away once the news broke out that he wasn’t at home. 

Much to his delight, the carriage was fairly empty, spare a few elderly couples and a couple mothers with young children. He doubted any of them knew who he was so he just leant back in his seat and plugged his earphones in, setting his playlist on shuffle. There were some songs that reminded him of his friends back at college. 

They wouldn’t be mad at him for going missing right? 

He pierced his lips together and tried not to think about it. 

Nobody would be mad. 

Nobody would even notice that he was gone. 

___

The train ride didn’t feel as long as he had expected. After checking his phone he knew that yes, it completely had taken the few hours that he had expected but he supposed he had more to think about than he had expected too. 

After leaving the train he was faced with the crisp evening air, it was windy and the clouds darkened in a way that he could tell meant it would rain soon. 

Not only that, but he was also faced with the harsh reality that he didn’t know how to get to Wilbur’s house, he didn’t even know his address so it wasn’t as if he could just call an uber.

It was cold and nearing night and he was in a city he didn’t recognise. 

Why the fuck had he done this?

Trying to clear his head, he made his way to the waiting room. It would be warm in there, he’d be able to calm down. 

And he was right, it was warm, and the chairs were soft and perfect for thinking things over in.

He eventually came to the decision that he needed to tell Wilbur what he had done, he was scared and lost but Wilbur would help him. 

Before he could convince himself otherwise he pressed on Wilbur's contact and watched it ring. 

“Tommy Innit! How are you doing my friend? Me and techno are actually on the smp right now if you want to join us” He was laughing, there’s no way he would answer a call like this if he wasn’t streaming.

Shit fuck.

“Sorry, sorry” The boy shook his head although Wilbur couldn’t see it, he had to fix this, he never should have left home; No matter how pathetic he felt there.

“Sorry I… I don’t know why I called you. Uh fuck.. I forgot you were um….I didn’t see the time shit you always start at this time. I’m sorry”

“Tommy?” Wil sounded a lot more mellowed out, Wow Tommy, you really went and made him worry about you. 

“Tommy I muted my stream, are you okay?”

“Wil…” His voice was weak, he sounded small and fragile. His throat hurt and his eyes burned. 

What he absolutely was not about to do was cry in a train station waiting room. 

“Wil I’m sorry this is stupid” An audible sigh had escaped from his lips, he hadn’t meant that to happen. 

“Go back to your stream I’ll be okay”

“Tommy you matter to me okay? If you need someone to talk to I’ll stay on call for as long as you need, I couldn’t give less of a fuck about my stream if you need me, okay?”

That was what broke the dam, a flood pouring out from his eyes as he clutched his phone against his head. He had never been much good at talking about his emotions, this exact situation of breaking down all at once happened far too frequently because of his horrible habit of bottling up his emotions.

He didn’t feel strong when he asked for help. 

“Wilbur, please promise not to get mad, please promise not to get mad or tell my parents. Please dont tell my parents Wil” The boy frantically rubbed at his eye’s with his sleeve as he begged pointlessly over the phone. He felt so pathetic. Wilbur would never want to talk to him ever again. Of course he was only doing this out of pity, Wil saw him as a needy child. He was certain of it.  

“Tommy? Tommy whats wrong? I won't tell your parents if you don't want me to and I could never be genuinely mad with you. Tommy please tell me what’s happening” His voice sounded pained. 

Strange, Tommy thought. It was strange since he was so sure that Wilbur didn’t actually care about him. 

He felt worthless, there was too much going on all the time and if he couldn't keep up with it that meant he was the one who was broken. 

“Wil” he sniffled. Pathetic “Wil I left home, I didn’t tell anyone, I got on a train and I came here.” he took in a deep breath. God he would die if a fan ran into him now, he was so lucky this waiting room was empty. 

“Wil, it felt like you were the only one who would listen to me, it’s too much it’s all too much. Nowhere feels like home anymore, I want to go home but nowhere is home”

Wilbur had taken in a deep breath, Tommy wondered what his chat was saying. 

“I’m coming to get you. Sit tight for me. I’m taking you back to my house and we can talk more. I can’t call when I’m driving so will you be okay in the meantime?”

Tommy nodded, remembering once again that Wilbur couldn’t see him. Instead of vocalising his feelings once more, he made a small sound of confirmation. 

“Okay stay safe, I’ll be there soon”

--

And he was there soon, maybe Tommy should have expected it, he had got the train straight into his city after all. It was less than 5 minutes later when he had got a text telling him to come outside. 

“Didn’t expect you here for another while, in all honesty” The man chuckled as Tommy got into his car, starting to drive off once he was buckled in.

“Do you want a hot chocolate? You know, whenever I feel bad I like sweet things”

Tommy didn’t answer verbally but he did nod. He felt too broken, too guilty, to talk. He knew words would just start flowing out and he couldn’t risk opening himself up again. He didn’t want Wilbur to decide he didn’t want to talk to him anymore. He didn’t want to be alone again. 

Aside from the stop at starbucks, where Wil had bought them both some Hot chocolate, the ride was silent. Filled only by the quiet noise of the radio and the frequent sips of their drinks. Wil had tried to ask him some questions but Tommy just shook his head. 

He liked that Wil wouldn’t force him to talk when he wasn’t ready. Wil trusted that he’d talk eventually. 

Last time he was at his house he had been so happy, he remembered how many things had happened in such a short amount of time during that meetup. He wished he was still as happy now but as Wil carried his bag inside for him, he couldn't help but be reminded of how much of a burden he was. 

The bag had been laid on the floor and Wilbur was sitting on the couch, drink in hand, so Tommy sat down too and mimicked his body language. 

“What’s going on then? Are we ready to talk about it” The older of the too hummed, he really was like an older brother, Tommy thought to himself as he watched Wilbur’s soft expression.

Tommy nodded. 

He just needed to collect his thoughts first. 

“Have you ever felt like you’re drowning even when there’s no water? I keep thinking ‘I want to go home soon’ but I’ll already be at home. There’s so much going on, during the few minutes i get to myself i always end up daydreaming about how nice it would be to pause time and catch my breath”

Even though he felt like he was rambling, like he made no sense at all, Wil carried on nodding. He was listening so intently that Tommy felt a little guilty for not telling him about how he felt sooner. 

“I feel like..maybe if I can't swim back up when I'm drowning, I'm just failing. I can’t remember what it feels like to not feel like I’m disappointing everyone I care about, I always feel cold and I keep struggling to eat. When it’s not because I’m too busy it’s because I feel like i don't deserve it, I always feel like I should be working and when I’m not I feel pathetic and weak”

Wilbur didn’t speak for a few seconds, then he placed his and Tommy’s drinks on a little table and pulled the blonde into a big hug. Tommy was surprised to say the least. He had fully expected Wilbur to get mad, maybe yell, but he hadn’t. 

“I’ve felt that way so many times Tommy and I’ll tell you this much” he sighed and rubbed the boys back “It fucking sucks. But I’ll also tell you this, You’re not disappointing anyone, everyone is actually very proud of you but you need to realise that that pride won't go away if you take a break”

A little hiccup could be heard from where Tommy’s head was snuggled into. He wasn't crying though. Tommy innit would never. 

“You can stay here for as long as you need, i know you just need a break from your life...and I won't tell your parents but I do think you should talk to them. I know you probably don’t want t hear this but they’ll be worried sick and i guarantee they’ll be happier to hear that you’re safe rather than kidnapped”

And so Tommy spent the next few days with Wilbur. He called his parents and explained how he felt, with Wilbur’s help, and he took a small break from social media. 

And if he fell asleep leaning against Wilbur’s shoulder more than once, that didn’t need to be brought up again.

#tommyinnit #tommy innit #mcyt #sleepyblr #wilbursoot #wilbur soot #fanfic #hurt/ comfort #emotional hurt/ comfort #dream smp

[writesowhatnext]

not the brightest of ideas // sirius black

Summary: reader is Sirius’ side piece but you might have a few more feelings than required for this particular role

Request: Another Sirius x Reader ANGST (i'm obsessed w sirius angst i'm sorryyy😔) based on the song "The Weekend" by SZA. Sirius has a girlfriend and y/n is his side chick who is in love w him but he doesn't give a shit about her :( They dont talk in public and his friends and gf don't know about her, of course. She tells him she wants more than just sex with him but he doesn't care :( Angst ending please! Ty babe 🥺

A/N: I’m not a fan of stories with ppl cheating but I liked your request tbh bc I always hate hate hate it when people are like “no I love you I’ll never cheat on you again it was a mistake” bc personally that’s just bullshit

Reader: unspecified 

Warnings: toxic relationship!!!, cheating, nsfw, sex talk, angst, swearing

“Could you be more of a swot?” Your friend asked as she left the library, ready to go to the party. You laughed as she left, rolling your eyes. Charms essays don’t write themselves. You walked around the bookshelves, stopping by the section on levitation charms. Sliding a thick hardback from the shelf, you turned to sit down, instead walking straight into someone’s back.

“Shit, sorry.” You said as he turned around slowly. He was tall and handsome and his red tie suited him no matter how scruffily it had been knotted.

“Not a problem.” He smirked, wiping his bottom lip with his thumb. You offered a smile in response.

“I’m Sirius Black.”

You recognised the name. If his handsome face hadn’t already made you nervous, his reputation surely did.

“Y/N.”

He nodded, tonguing his cheek.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N.”

He nodded again and then turned around. He walked towards another boy, James Potter if you remembered correctly. As you stood there, contemplating what exactly had just happened, he turned back to face you. You bit your lip. He shot you a wink. You stepped back behind the shelf slightly. James turned around to see what Sirius was looking at. He didn’t see you.

“What’s up, Pads?”

“Nothing.”

That’s all you ever were to Sirius Black.

You should’ve known, really. Sirius Black was notorious at Hogwarts: a handsome pureblood wizard who could and did get anyone he wanted. He was smart and talented and funny and charming and rebellious. One thing he was not was monogamous. Everyone knew that. He liked to play, especially with girls. Though, he didn’t discriminate. If he wanted something, he would take it – to hell with the consequences. When he decided he wanted you, who were you to deny him?

After you met, for months he did nothing unless you were alone. He would pass you in the corridors without a glance, he never said hello; he acted like you didn’t even exist. But when you were alone, he was completely obsessed. In empty hallways and between shelves in the library, he would whisper the dirtiest things in your ear, his hands wandering all over you. He enjoyed the effect he had on you, you just knew it. He loved the way your breathing would get shallow and the wild, blown look in your eyes. He lived for the feeling of your hands on him, the high he got from the attention. When the rumour spread that he was dating Marlene McKinnon, you expected your secretive fun to stop, especially when he kissed her in the Great Hall in front of everybody. Whispers spread throughout the castle of Marlene McKinnon being the girl that finally tied Sirius Black down. You believed them until Sirius knocked on your door in the middle of the day one weekend.

There was a Hogsmeade trip and it was the last before Christmas, so almost everyone had gone. You hadn’t been in the mood, too busy with school work and not up for having to watch Sirius and Marlene snog across a pint of butterbeer. The last person you expected to see when you opened your door was him. He was more impatient than usual, pushing past you into your empty room, casting a quick look over his shoulder to see if anyone had seen him.

“Hi.” He said, as if it hadn’t been weeks. You tried to ignore the way his grin had you weak at the knees.

“What are you doing here?”

“Aren’t you pleased to see me?”

You bit your lip. He walked forwards, a sly smile on his face as he placed his hands on your hips.

“I thought we could have a bit of fun.”

You frowned up at him, far too aware of his fingers playing with the hem of your jumper, itching to remove it.

“What about Marlene?”

He smirked, tipping his head to the side. He leant forwards and your breathing stopped as his lips pressed to the shell of your ear.

“This can be our little secret, eh?”

And, so it was. For weeks.

If the guilt about helping Sirius cheat wasn’t enough, you had to cope with feelings you didn’t expect. It had been embarrassingly easy to convince yourself that Sirius wasn’t just doing this with only you so you weren’t really that guilty in the whole thing – he was the one in a relationship after all. You hated your newly messed up, self-validating logic, but it made it easier to at least partially lift the weight on your conscience. The weight of your feelings was something else entirely. You found yourself staring at Sirius across of rooms, in class, the Great Hall, corridors, Hogsmeade, even. Something about the way he laughed, the way he teased his friends, set something alight in you. It was part of a Sirius you only ever got to see if he fell asleep before you.

As a rule, Sirius avoiding sleeping with you. He would either leave straight after sex or he would be gone by morning, usually returning to his dorm in the dead of night before you or the castle woke up. He’d made it very clear that this was only between you – no one could know. It made your heart ache. As did seeing him asleep next to you. He was so calm when he slept, so vulnerable. Some nights he had a small smile on his face that made butterflies erupt inside you. It was a different Sirius to the one you spent your nights hot and heavy with. He was so many more things than just someone to sleep with and that scared you. Every time you were together you found yourself wishing for more. You couldn’t regret your choice to carry on with your arrangement; you would take any scrap of attention you could get from him. That said, you were fully aware of how pathetic it was and you realised how stupid you were to think this would be easy. What a bad idea it was to get yourself involved with him.

Thoughts of being more than what you were with Sirius filled your mind for weeks. It wasn’t until another Hogsmeade weekend in summer that he’d been able to ditch his friends and see you. He’d passed you a note very covertly in the corridor the week before telling you to stay at Hogwarts. Part of you wanted to go to Hogsmeade just to spite him, to prove that you weren’t that desperate. You were though. When you opened the door to your dorm, him pushing past you as he always did, you felt numb. You looked behind him to see if anyone was out there. There wasn’t, obviously, they all had real relationships to enjoy - not empty moments shared in the dark. When you turned around, he was kissing you, hands pressed to your cheeks before dropping to your shirt, starting to undo the buttons. Usually, you helped him. Or took off his clothes. Not this time.

It took him a while before he noticed your overall lack of participation and stepped back, dropping his hands slightly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, breathless and confused. You blinked.

“N-nothing. Sorry.”

He narrowed his eyes slightly but seemed to give up on his interrogation when you began to undress him. He didn’t care that much anyway. It wasn’t until you pulled back again, palms against his bare shoulders, his hands at your waist, that he huffed.

“What is up with you today, Y/N?”

There was no fondness in his voice. He’d never throw his arm around you as he did to Marlene McKinnon in the Three Broomsticks.

“I-“ you had even less of an idea of what you were going to say than he did. “I can’t do this anymore, Sirius.”

“What?”

He wasn’t hurt, that was obvious. Confused, definitely. Annoyed, probably. Not hurt though. He just pulled away from you, frowning. After a moment his hands left your body.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He said. You squeezed your eyes shut and shook your head.

“It’s not that.”

He frowned.

“I need more than this.” You opened your eyes even though you knew seeing his face would break your heart. “I want more than this. With you.”

He didn’t understand at first. Then a strangely regretful look passed over his features before it hardened completely. You hated the way a part of you lit up at the regret, happy that he cared even a little about your feelings before he went for the jugular.

“I don’t like you, Y/N.” he insisted, somewhat firmly, as if he were fishing for each word individually. “This was never going to be anything more.”

You nodded, clenching your jaw. You didn’t trust your voice, already aware of the tears blurring your vision and the lump growing in your throat. He got off your bed, pulling his trousers up. You watched him throw his shirt on, doing up the buttons quickly, haphazardly.

“Sirius, I-“ his eyes were sharp. “I’m sorry.”

He looked down to do his tie, casting one last hard look at you.

“Yeah.” He said, turning around and disappearing through the door, shutting it behind him.

You swallowed, chewing at your top lip as tears began to run down your cheeks. Part of you knew this would happen. You should’ve expected it from the start, really. It was never going to be a good idea to get so close to Sirius Black. You pulled your bed sheets over your head, desperate to hide from the world.

#sirius black x reader #Sirius Black imagine #Harry Potter imagine #harry potter #writing #imagine #sirius black #marauders #marauders imagine

[silverblogs]

@dr-nero-is-god here’s your present for the gift exchange! I took the exchanging presents thing and expanded on it a bit. Sorry for the long post, I dont know how to put something under a cut on mobile, but I hope you like it :)

“Okay okay okay, it’s the most wonderful time of the year,” said Shelby, flinging herself down on the bed next to Laura, “which means.... drumroll please...”

The other five provided it with feet on the floor, and Shelby flung her hands up in a dramatic flourish.

“Presents!”

Since H.I.V.E. didn’t have normal school holidays at the end of every term, Nero seemed to consider it no great loss to their education to give the entire school time off for every religious celebration. It still amounted to less than half the holiday they would have at an ordinary school. So on Christmas Day, Otto, Wing, Shelby, Laura, Franz and Nigel were gathered in the girls’ room for secret Santa.

There was no legitimate way of getting presents at H.I.V.E., so when Otto had suggested secret Santa, it had been clear they would all have to rely on ingenuity. H.I.V.E.mind had given them all a name, and over the course of the last month, they had all found some way of getting a gift.

“Sounds good to me,” said Otto, “okay, everyone close their eyes, and one by one we’ll open them and leave the gift next to the person.”

The boys had all put their gifts inside their school bags to maintain the secrecy, and everybody closed their eyes while Otto deposited his present. One by one, all six of them left them, Laura last.

“Okay, all done,” she said as she sat down.

“I think we should be starting alphabetically,” said Franz with a grin.

The others laughed, and Shelby nodded.

“Go on then,” she said, looking at the cardboard box in front of him that was much too big to have fitted in anybody’s school bag, “we all want to see what’s in there anyway. Franz first.”

Franz lifted the lid of the cardboard box, and his face lit up. He pulled the lid further back to reveal a slightly messily iced, but still delicious looking gingerbread house.

“That is it,” he said, “I have already won.”

“Damn, you kinda have,” said Shelby, “who and how is what I wanna know.”

“Me,” said Laura with a grin and a wave, “I helped Mandy in the kitchens automate some of their systems and she let me come in in a free period and make it.”

“Thank you!” said Franz through a mouthful of the roof, “it is being excellent.”

“Ok, your turn, Laura,” said Nigel.

Laura tore open a small package to reveal a necklace with several tiny but quite definitely real jewels hanging from it. It wasn’t hard to guess who it might be from.

“Oh my god, Shel,” she laughed, “Ms Leon’ll kill you!”

The jewels were recogniseable as those that had been used as goals in the Maze during past lessons.

“Nah, I leave no trace,” said Shelby, “I put trackers on them when I got them in class, so when I returned them I know where she put them, then waited til the year above had a lesson in the Maze and stole them that night so they’re the suspicious ones.”

“Aww Shel,” Laura knocked their shoulders together, “you really put in the effort, didn’t you? Thank you.”

“Anything for my favourite geek,” she said, “my go?”

Without waiting for an answer, she tore open the tiny square at her feet, revealing a little black cube with a lens on one face, a screen on the opposite one, and two buttons and a joystick on top.

“I may as well reveal myself to explain,” said Otto with a grin, “point the lens at a lock and it’ll scan it for you, and show you an image on the screen. I built it in the professor’s lab.”

“Damn,” said Shelby, turning the cube over in her hand, then pocketing it, “and portable. Thanks Robotto. Maybe you’re my favourite geek after all.”

Laura shoved her lightly, and Shelby grinned and tossed an arm around her shoulders as Otto reached for his own package, small and flat. Peeling it open, he revealed an iPod, and a gasp went up.

“Okay, that’s definitely the most impressive so far,” said Nigel, “no offence everyone. Who got something from off the island?”

Wing grinned, and gave a small wave.

“How?” asked Otto, “we haven’t left since the hunt, and that was hardly an occasion to pop into the apple store.”

“I have my connections,” said Wing with a cryptic smile.

“Spill, big guy,” said Shelby.

“I simply asked Raven nicely.”

Franz choked.

“You were asking for Raven’s help?”

Shelby huffed.

“He just loved to rub it in that he’s her favourite.”

“Aww, someone’s jealous,” said Otto, pinching Shelby’s cheek.

She pouted at him and nodded to Wing’s dubiously wrapped present. He carefully peeled it open, and his smile broadened as he lifted out a tiny bonsai tree in a pot.

“I hardly need to ask whom I have to thank for this,” he said, turning his smile on Nigel, who turned pink.

“Well I heard you say Lao used to have a lot, and I thought you might like one. Miss Gonzales doesn’t let me experiment anymore, but she let me use the Violet spot again for a normal plant.”

“It is lovely, thank you,” said Wing.

“I wonder who Nigel’s could be from,” Otto said with a grin as Nigel picked up the envelope that had been left in front of him.

He opened it and read the slip of paper inside, then looked at Franz, shocked.

“You’re joking.”

“I am very genuine, my friend.”

Nigel broke into a huge smile.

“I beat you all,” he said, then read the slip aloud, “coupon, good for ten pieces of finance homework.”

Cries of jealousy filled the room for a few seconds, then gave way to laughter.

“Good idea Otto,” said Shelby, poking him with her toe, “this was fun.”

“Thought it might be,” said Otto, “happy Christmas everyone.”

***

Professor Pike came into the staff room to find Colonel Francisco and Ms Leon already inside, the Colonel drinking coffee and Ms Leon pawing at her tablet, grading essays. He avoided eye contact with Ms Leon, making a beeline for the colonel.

“Colonel,” he said as he hurried over, “I believe today is the day for secret Santa deliveries.”

“Well I must say this is very secretive, Theodore.” said Colonel Francisco, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, well, I didn’t just want to leave this lying around in a pigeon hole in case someone else picked it up, but Merry Christmas.”

He reached into one of his deep lab coat pockets and retrieved a pistol, handing it over grip first.

“I’ve already got a few of those.”

“Not like this one,” said the professor, eyebrows leaping in excitement almost to join his hair, “I call it the sandboy. Just like the sandman rifles, but condensed.”

The colonel eyed the pistol and grinned.

“Looks great,” he said, “though the name could use some work. Thanks.”

“Pleasure.”

“Professor.”

A French accented voice made him cringe and he looked down the table to see a small box sliding along it, pushed by a white paw.

“Merry Christmas.”

Even her synthetic voice conveyed her irritation at being given him for the staff secret Santa, but he gave a grateful if slightly fearful smile, and opened the box. Inside lay a grid of chocolates and a typed note.

Merry Christmas. Enjoy the chocolates - one of the many benefits of a human body.

“Thank you Tabitha,” he said weakly, inwardly deciding not to risk eating any of them.

She didn’t reply, and Colonel Francisco rolled his eyes.

“Well since nobody seems to care about the “secret” part of secret Santa, here’s yours, Tabitha.”

He slid a package down the table, and a terrifying flurry of claws and a few seconds later, a small cat outfit was visible on the table. Ms Leon gave as much of a glare as a cat can manage.

“I am not a pet, Colonel.”

“It’s an ISIS suit,” he said hurriedly, “tailor made.”

Ms Leon paused, then eyed the suit.

“It’s lovely,” she said, “and very useful. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

***

Raven stepped off the shroud’s ramp, heaving a sigh of relief. She hated going to Moscow on assignment - it was uncomfortably familiar and it always threw her off her game - but she had achieved her goal, and even completed the mission she’d been assigned along the way.

“Where do you want the cargo?” the pilot asked.

“I’ll have the crate now,” she said, “send the rest to the professor for analysis.”

“Got it,” he said.

A few seconds later he came back to the ramp with a crate, complete with penguin gift wrapping he hadn’t dared to ask about. She hadn’t lost the edge of fear with the staff, even if a few of her students were getting unacceptably unafraid of her - Wing had asked her to pick up a Christmas present! And she’d done it!

She took the crate with a nod of thanks, and set off in the direction of her quarters. She’d arrived back just in time for secret santa. She’d finally given in this year and agreed to participate. Much to her relief, she’d been randomly allocated Nero. She suspected H.I.V.E.mind had made that selection less than random so she wouldn’t bail.

Thankfully, she passed nobody in the corridors while carrying her festively wrapped gift. She reached her room without incident, and quickly changed, then put the crate in a suitcase. She had been lucky enough not to pass anyone on the way here, but it was a decent walk to Nero’s office. When she arrived, she let herself in - she was the only one who had that security clearance after the Contessa incident. Nero looks up from the work on his desk and smiled.

“Ah, Natalya,” he said, “was Moscow alright?”

She knew he hated sending her there, mainly because she hated to go there, but the business had been unavoidable. Besides, one of the only crates in the world of the kind she had in her suitcase resided there, in the home of an oligarch she’d broken into purely to get it.

“Fine,” she said, “I got it done.”

“You always do,” he said, “you can fill me in tomorrow. Is that for the professor?”

“No, the stuff is on its way to him already, this is for you. I’m just in time for secret santa, I think.”

She opened the suitcase and removed the crate, lifting it and nodding to the things on Nero’s desk, which he cleared to the side to allow her to put it down.

“I’m intrigued,” he said with a smile.

He took a letter opened from his pen pot and sliced along the top of the wrapping paper, then pulled it back to reveal a wooden crate, which he opened. Inside sat a dozen bottles of some of the rarest brandy in the world, and Nero’s face broke into a smile. The one bottle he’d gotten his hands on five years ago was almost empty, and he had despaired of finding any more.

“My dear, you’ve outdone yourself,” he said, “thank you.”

“My pleasure,” she said, “don’t drink it all at once.”

“Keep Mr Malpense and co. under control and I won’t need to,” he said wryly, “coincidentally, I am also your secret Santa, but this feels a little... well, little, now.”

He opened a desk drawer and pulled out a box big enough to fit in the palm of his hand, perfectly wrapped. Raven tore back the wrapping paper to reveal a black box, and inside, a bracelet. It was soft, braided black leather, with two connecting silver angels’ wings as the clasp. It looked comfortable, the wings didn’t dangle inconveniently, and it wasn’t flashy, though Nero being who he was she was sure it was obscenely expensive - she’d never been a fan of jewellery, but this she would wear. She took it out with a smile and fastened it around her wrist, turning her hand to look at it.

“I saw something similar when I was last in London, and it made me think of the “guardian angel” joke everyone’s always making, so when I got you for secret Santa I had one made.”

“It’s lovely,” she said, “thank you.”

“No problem. Now, have a glass of this with me.”

***

Watching the cameras around H.I.V.E. as he always did, H.I.V.E.mind’s wireframe face curved into a smile. The secret santas were far from random, and organising them was the highlight of his year. Another successful Christmas at H.I.V.E.

#h.i.v.e. #hive gift exchange #long post

[priorireverte]

Congratulations Nik!

Your application for Amelia Bones has been accepted. I can’t wait to see what trouble and frustrations Amelia gets into, so stripped of power and authority. No passed handed out to former Department Heads, sorry Amelia!

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER

NAME & PRONOUNS: Nik, they/them

TIMEZONE: ACDT

ACTIVITY LEVEL: Relatively active. At least 3 to 4 times a week

ANYTHING ELSE: Cancer tw, hospice tw.

CHARACTER DETAILS

NAME: Amelia Susan Bones

BIRTHDATE: September 20th 1946

DEATHDATE: July 14 1996

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis woman. She/her and they/them pronouns. Bisexual with a heavy preference for women.

BLOOD STATUS: Half Blood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Hufflepuff

OCCUPATION: Former DMLE HEAD (until death)

FACECLAIM: Louise Lombard (i have my own gifs and icons and things of her so dont worry to much about resources :D )

CHARACTER BACKGROUND

POSTBELLUM

The knowledge she died and left her brother and niece alone in the world weighed heavy on her shoulders.  It’s something she  isn’t coping with well. The knowledge that her death was the final stand the Ministry had, that it was taken over by Voldemort because she couldn’t beat him, was a tough pill to swallow for her. She knew he had his faith around and in the shadows waiting, she could count the amount of people she completely trusted in the Ministry on one hand but she thought that there would have been more of a stand. The knowledge that her failure was the reason the people she served suffered another war  sits heavy on her shoulders.  If she could do it again she would be more prepared, have an escape plan rather than just hold her ground against him. She wouldn’t have the same faith that the Ministry would hold their own against him without her, she should have known better. The only thing sitting on her shoulders heavier than that is the knowledge that her niece had suffered, that she wasn’t there to stop that and holds herself completely responsible for it.

PERSONALITY

Tough, fair, kind, compassionate. This is how Amelia would describe herself if asked. She is far more gentle on the inside than most people who work around her would think. Stick her in a room with her niece for just a moment and you’ll see the stern blue eyes soften immediately.  Amelia is a skilled negotiator and investigator. She has a way with words and a great deal of understanding in how to use them. However, she isn’t very good at using them to describe how she feels. She is compassionate,and hardworking, she much prefers to listen to how others are feeling than share her own feelings. Everyone else comes first in her mind. Will always put the needs of others in front of her own.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY

The oldest of the Bones three siblings Amelia always felt somewhat responsible for them. Constantly looking out for them and keeping their health and wellbeing in mind. Being an Aunt has always been considered her greatest achievement. Holding Edgar’s first child was a life changing experience and laying them to rest with their parents was life shattering.

Her brother and niece were all the family she had left and she cherished them. With the death of her sister in law, Susan’s mother, Amelia truly stepped up to the plate. She never tried or wanted to replace her mother but knew despite her brother’s best intentions, Susan needed someone else to be around. Amelia doesn’t have any children and has never seen the need to have any, when asked if she was planning on having any she’d simply smile and reply “I have Susan. I don’t need anymore children in my life”

HISTORY What was their life before the end of the war in ‘98 or before their death? What was important and formative for them?

     Born a few months after the end of world war two and the capture of Gellert Grindlewald meant Amelia grew up in both the bliss of peace and the pain of rebuilding. She’d listen to stories of war from the other children and overheard her mother and father discussing it sometimes. She remembered the celebrations from the 10th anniversary of war’s end and attended many memorials of those who had fallen, both muggle and magical alongside her family.

When war came to the Wixen World once more it was much less kind to the Bones. Her parents were cut down in their family home by Voldemort himself, her brother, his wife and his children slaughtered in their home. She constantly thought back to nights her father would tell her she’d never have to suffer at the hands of another war and swore she’d do whatever was necessary that the last living grandchild of his got to live that promise.

Amelia lived alone in a small home just outside of London. She’d brought it just after the first war as she climbed the ministry ranks. It made the commute to and from work much faster and proved a safe, new home with no memories attached to it.

Most of Amelia’s time was filled with work and family. She had the odd girlfriend here and there but no relationship ever lasted more than a year. She was far too dedicated to her job or her family.

Amelia’s job was incredibly important. She held the line against Fudges conspiracy theory lies. Called him out behind closed doors at every opportunity. Made her dislike and disapproval known. She was a Bones after it, it meant something in the Ministry. There were rumours that if Albus Dumbledore wasn’t going to take the position of Minister, she would. And she might have, had she lived long enough. She was preparing for it, to challenge him, and all other comers. After it was proven that Voldemort was well and truly alive and Cornelius Fudge had wasted precious time denying it out of fear , she had planned to oust him if he wouldn’t resign. Take a vote to the Wizenagemont, remove him due to his incompetence. She was killed the evening before her vote was due to hit the floor.

OOC EXPLORATION

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

The after hogwarts golden trio aspect drew me in first. Then when I read the plot more and more the idea of “returned” got me more and more interested. My favourite AU plots in group rps have always been the “What if a character who has died returned?? What happens to your character?” I adore exploring that whole new side of them.  It opens up things, plots, ideas, developments, that a traditional style of RP wouldn’t

EXTRA FOR NON-BIO CHARACTERS

CHARACTER CONTRIBUTION

How do you see this character adding to the community and the plot?

Bringing in Amelia is similar to bringing in Edgar. It brings a Bones from that era to the story and offers connections for Susan and characters in the Marauders Era. Bringing her would also add a character who is incredibly familiar with the structure of the Ministry and a depth of knowledge in her field.

PRESENT One paragraph about your character’s life right now and how they are handling the current events of the game.

“You died, Ma’am”

The words were on constant repeat in her mind. What did they mean she died? She was alive right now, she was breathing, her heart beating. She was here. Except she last remembered it being 1996. They tell her it’s 2002. She died six years ago. Her last memory was fighting Voldemort, a loud bang, stumbling to the floor and then she woke up in the Death Chamber. A room she had both the privilege and horror of recognising. It made sense in a way. The last thing she remembered was being in her home but awoke in the Ministry but it was so hard to understand. How? Why? Everyday was a repeat of the same questions in her mind. She does her best not to dwell on it, knowing that now isn’t the time nor place to do so. Getting herself grounded, back into the world that she had no idea she left. Returning to her family. That was her first goal. Working everything else out will come later.

#prioriacceptance #Amelia Bones

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 64 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)

The poll closed with 60 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.

Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.

---

RATE THE EPISODE 53 Responses

The poll closed with 54 responses. The overwhelmingly positive response to the season continues, with 97.9% of folks giving it a 4 or higher and not a single person giving a rating less than 3. 

10/10 acting, atmosphere and music

MAPPA couldn't have done a better job. Inhumanely impossible. 20/10.

Just pure hype

Amazing episode, one of the best in the entire series.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 53 Responses

The overwhelming majority of respondents enjoyed the last scene of the episode, with Eren transforming in the basement and assaulting just as Willy formally declares war on Paradis. Behind the climactic moment, the rest of the favored scenes were various moments throughout Eren and Reiner’s conversation prior.

WHICH INTERPRETATION (BY RBA) OF THE OLD MAN’S STORY DO YOU THINK IS CLOSEST TO WHAT THE MAN ACTUALLY THOUGHT? 54 Responses

The Old Man’s story and its motifs have been present all throughout this season, so it’s interesting to see how people see it. When it comes to understanding the Old Man’s thoughts specifically, the plurality (46.3%) agrees with Bertholdt’s interpretation. Others (35.2%) see more to Annie’s idea of the Old Man’s final thoughts. Only 18.5% believe that there’s little use in predicting what’ll never be known.

IN THE SAME VEIN, WHICH OF THE AFOREMENTIONED INTERPRETATION FITS REINER’S STATE OF MIND IN THE BASEMENT SCENE? 54 Responses

In that same vein, the plurality (42.6%) also believes that Reiner wanted to receive judgement, perhaps from Eren. Just a little under 26% believe that in addition to receiving judgement, Reiner also wants to receive forgiveness. Few believe Reiner solely wants forgiveness. Finally, a little under 15% simply aren’t sure what Reiner wants. 

He just cant take it anymore, he wanna die. If he stays alive he will become the reason of death of more people which he doesnt want

He wants it to be over 

He wants to be killed as an atonement because he can’t live with his contradictory feelings about what he’s done

He wants what happens after someone is judged- to be sentenced. Reiner already judged himself.

I dont care

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET A HUG FROM PIECK? 54 Responses

An incredibly serious question with a lopsided result. Just under 69% would like to receive a hug from Pieck, in contrast to 13% who’d rather not. 18.5% don’t really care about stuff like this. 

DO YOU THINK HELOS ACTUALLY EXISTED? 53 Responses

The majority (little under 53%) believe Helos was a complete fabrication, down to his very existence. Some others (18.9%) think he existed, but wasn’t anybody special or (13.2%) think he existed and was actually involved with ending the Great Titan War. A bit over 15% just don’t care.

“I’M THE SAME AS YOU.” EREN SAID THIS TO REINER A FEW TIMES IN THE EPISODE. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? DO YOU THINK EITHER OF THEM HARBOR A GRUDGE AGAINST THE OTHER? 29 Responses

One of the episode’s focuses was the meeting between Eren and Reiner, in addition to their general relationship. Here’s what a few people thought about the central motif of the meeting: 

At this point Eren's attitude is all like "It's nothing personal." 

Eren is in the same state of mind like reiner, he wanted to become the hero, yet he became a villan in the enemy's eyes

I think Eren's right. They're the same, and S1 and S4 parallel their actions in multiple ways. I honestly don't think Eren has any kind of grudge against Reiner anymore. I think he's moved on from his hatred and is just doing what he thinks he has to. And Reiner just seems ready to die so he doesn't have any kind of grudge either.

I think Eren is definitely holding a grudge, it’s not like him not too. 

Hell no, Reiner is an irredeemable monster. Based on the preview for the next episode, whatever Eren does from here on out is justified.

If Eren kills someone dear to Reiner, maybe Reiner will hold a grudge against Eren, otherwise they understand each other reasons.

I think they recognise each other’s efforts to protect their homelands (even if it means destruction) and their determination to do so, and that they have the same motivations and values. i think they don’t have a grudge against each other because they are able to see they are similar people who have just been placed on opposing sides, and that it is nothing more than their duties to bring down the enemy, but at heart, they hold the same values and morals.

I think it mainly shows how Eren has matured over the last few years. He knows Reiner’s intentions now, and he can admit that the two of them are similar without lashing out at him immediately and labeling him as a completely evil man (like he used to). I think Eren might still have some harsh feelings towards Reiner, but it definitely doesn’t seem like it’s his priority right now. Reiner doesn’t clearly display that he has a huge grudge against Eren (though I bet he still isn’t very fond of Eren). More than anything, Reiner seems to be struggling with his thoughts about his time in Paradis. It seems like he can’t accept the fact that Paradis Eldians are not all devils; he may be struggling to suppress this new perspective, and he forces himself to commit to his “honorary Marleyan identity” instead. Thus, I don’t think Reiner hates Eren as much as he used to, as he seems to be showing slight signs of sympathy towards the Paradis Eldians.

No Eren is now a grown ass adult when je was making his decision. Reiner was a kid he was like 11? 12? He didn't know he was an indoctrinated child and he suffered all his life for that. Eren isn't at all the same as Reiner. 

I feel like that emphasizes that the people of Marley and Eldia are no different from each other, just that they are on different sides. I do not think Eren and Reiner harbor a grudge against each other.

They’re both pretty fucking broken. I don’t think Eren or Reiner hate each other because Eren said “if it’s to save the world, then you didn’t have much of a choice.” But I also think part of Reiner wants Eren to hate him because he hates himself so much.

i think the old eren would hate him but it’s been 4 years and now i think he has realized that they are in fact very similar. i feel it is very interesting what happened but i think there would still be a minor grudge against each other

They both have the same purpose but different paths, to protect their loved ones from a threat. Since it's not really a personal issue but a bigger picture I don't think they resent each other, it's just a coincidence how they both ended up against each other.

DO YOU THINK THAT EREN AND REINER ARE EFFECTIVE FOILS TO EACH OTHER? 52 Responses

The vast majority (88.4%) seem to agree with the notion of Reiner being a foil to Eren, be it a complete or partial foil. 9.6% dissent and argue that there’s no comparison.

LADY KIYOMI OF THE AZUMABITO CLAN SEEMED TO NOT STICK AROUND FOR TYBUR’S THEATER PRODUCTION. WHY? 52 Responses

An interesting development came in Episode 5 in the form of Lady Kiyomi of the Azumabito leaving Tybur’s Play before it started. The majority (just under 52%) thought it meant that she had ties to Eren and/or the SC. A large minority (34.6%) on the other believe that although she somehow found out about the attack beforehand, she has no ties to Eren. Some others were either already spoiled, believe she got lucky or think she had her own plans of assaulting Tybur during the play.

MR. LEONHART SEEMED ADAMANT THAT ANNIE IS STILL ALIVE AND WILL COME BACK HOME. WHAT DO YOU THINK? 53 Responses

When it comes to Mr. Leonhart’s appearance and his convictions, the vast majority (83%) believe that Annie is alive. The major division comes about whether Annie will be able to reunite with her father or not. Some others believe that Annie is neither dead nor alive and is more permanently stuck in her crystalline state. Only one person believes she is simply dead and that’s that.

REINER IS SHOCKED BY EREN’S PRESENCE ON THE MAINLAND. WHAT’S THE FUNNIEST WAY YOU COULD ENVISION EREN GETTING ACROSS THE SEA? 52 Responses

A bit of a less serious question came out here. How could Eren get across the sea in a less serious manner? Some thought him walking on water would be rather amusing, others believed piggy-backing on Armin’s Colossal Titan would be most humorous. Other options included free-styling across the sea or kayaking. 

A ship? Maybe one of those Marley sent to Paradis in the last four years?

bOAT

Had armin yeet him across 

He rode on David Hasselhoff

Used one of the Marleyan ships that was sent to Paradis to go to Marley

WHO IS THAT LANKY SOLDIER WHO TRAPPED PIECK AND PORCO IN THE HOLE? 53 Responses

A plurality (45.3%) believes the lanky soldier who trapped Pieck and Porco is someone we already know. Though a little under 23% think that it’s actually a new character only Pieck knows. In a similar vein, 13.2% think that it’s a new character from the SC. 17% appear to have been spoiled, however.

MAGATH ASKS, “HAS IT BEGUN?” WHEN HE LEARNS THE WARRIORS HAVE GONE MISSING. WHAT “IT” IS MAGATH TALKING ABOUT? 51 Responses

Just shy of 50% think that Magath was already aware of Eren and/or SC’s presence in Marley when noting that “it” has already begun. Others believe that he either had some other plan created in conjunction with Willy or was waiting on an attack from the nation of Hizuru. A little under 20% just aren’t sure. 

He was anticipating enemy attack

DO YOU THINK WILLY WAS TRUTHFUL WHEN REVEALING THE “TRUTH” TO THE WORLD? 51 Responses

When it comes to Willy revealing the “truth” to the world, the vast majority (72.5%) believe that Lord Tybur was largely truthful when it came to dropping bombshells, but also made sure to twist certain things to get a favorable narrative. Some others think that he was either completely or only partially truthful.

WILLY ACCUSES EREN OF WANTING TO UNLEASH THE COLOSSAL TITANS UPON THE WORLD. DO YOU THINK HE IS JUST DEMONIZING HIM TO GET THE WORLD TO ATTACK PARADIS, OR DO YOU THINK THIS IS SOMETHING EREN IS CAPABLE OF DOING? 51 Responses

A rather noted accusation from Willy rained down upon Eren in this episode. And as a result, we gained a rather colorful pie chart to boot. In it, a slight plurality (23.5%) seemed to believe Tybur’s accusation when it came to discerning Eren’s future plans. Slightly less (19.6%) thought that Tybur was making up BS about Yeagerboy. The same percentage (19.6%) took a middle group, arguing that although Tybur actually believes this is Eren’s plan, Eren actually wants something different. Some others simply note that Eren couldn’t do that dastardly act, even if he wanted to due to lack of royal blood. 21.6% were spoiled about the story’s future. 

Pretty sure Eren wants to kill every last person outside of Paradis and is going to use Zeke’s royal blood to do so, but I think Zeke will be tricked or forced into it sonehow

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW BADLY DO YOU FEEL FOR FALCO ABOUT THE WHOLE LETTER FIASCO? 52 Responses

When it comes to Falco and the whole letter fiasco, there is much sympathy for the boy. More than half gave a rating of either 4 or 5 and only 13.5% gave a rating of either 2 or 1. In conclusion, Eren is a mean poopy-head!

EREN TOLD FALCO LAST EPISODE THAT HE HOPED FALCO WOULD LIVE A LONG LIFE. YET HE TRANSFORMED ON TOP OF HIM IN THIS EPISODE. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 52 Responses

Staying on the topic of Falco, and Eren’s actions being contradictory to his words, almost 56% believe that although Eren was honest with his words in regards to Falco’s future, he had no qualms about letting that get in the way of his plans. A noted minority (28.8%) think that Eren hoped Reiner would protect the young boy. A small percentage also thought that Eren was simply lying to Falco.

DID YOU EXPECT EREN TO TRANSFORM ON TOP OF REINER AFTER HIS SPEECH ABOUT THEIR SIMILARITIES? 51 Responses

When it came to the episode’s ending, the majority seemed to expect Eren’s transformation, be it because of spoilers or own predictions (58.8%). A noted minority (41.2%) did not expect it, however, predicting either a recruitment attempt from Eren or something else entirely.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

I loved the music. It made all so tense my heart was beating like crazy.

WILD AND AN EMOTIONAL ROLLARCOASTER

As an anime only, i think that the choice of ost in this episode was beyond good. I don't see why people are complaining about the ost. For me it was perfect because Eren's transformation was like a sudden turn and 2Volts is perfect for that just like when they reveal the owl as the Attack titan. Wayyy better that YSBG or any ost that these manga readers were hoping it to be. Mappa and the production crew doesn't deserve any of these hate. Done ranting fgs.

Grim Reminder 2.0, but with Marley and the Warriors finally getting what they deserve for what they've done? I'm DOWN for that!

I’m wondering whether Historia is still Queen and how much character development she had gone through as a monarch during war

The people who complain about the music choices of the directors are just pure titan idiots

Assuming he lives through this battle, I think Falco is going to be one of the main characters in season 4. He has been telling himself that he “does not want to fight anymore” and he was probably influenced by what Eren (Mr. Kruger) had said to him on the bench. I can see Falco maybe rebelling against Marley in the future, but for now he’s clearly still devoted to Marley. Overall, I loved this episode, and season 4 is finally picking up with the action. I was looking forward to seeing our protagonists (Eren and the Scouts) again, and I thought it was interesting how Eren seemed much more mature, yet still somewhat insane in this episode. I am very excited to see the next episode, particularly to see the rest of the Scouts and to see what happens in the “war” Eren starts. I am also curious to see if anyone from any other nations decide to side with the Eldians, or if all of them simply believe Willy and hate the Paradis Eldians too.

manga readers really need to shut up and put bigger spoiler warnings 😐 loved the episode despite getting spoiled.

It was one of the best episodes of AOT I have seen, I truly don’t understand why or how people could complain about it. I’ve seen the posts about the soundtrack not fitting the episode but I honestly do not agree. The whole episode was perfectly directed and had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. 

Ost's totally fine, so is the CG. I think most are too invested in the episode to give a fuck except Manga readers. 

I wish the Paradisians would have found another way to achieve their objectives instead of killing innocent civilians, like maybe targeted attacks on key military targets, or demonstrations of strength or public information campaigns to dissuade Marleyans and other people from wanting to go to war against them.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 48 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again next episode!

#snk poll #snk polls #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk #aot #snk spoilers #snk s4

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

I brought up hanyang type 88 here and i said i’d explain, so here I am!!

okay so first off here’s a bunch of likely useful context about girls frontline. There is this feature in the game called digimind upgrade, or mod 3, where certain t-dolls can be upgraded past the normal maximum levels and stats, and at the same time gaining whole new abilities and also a new design. Basically a reinvention. There are like hundreds of playable characters in the game, and only a fraction will get mod 3s, typically the ‘main characters’ who are relevant to the major ongoing plot.

two things about getting a doll who has the ability to do digimind upgrade, to actually do that. One, is that it can be very costly in terms of in-game materials. like, maybe i just played the game wrong but I would have to grind for weeks in order to amass the materials to upgrade just one doll to mod 3. So even though by now there are dozens upon dozens of dolls who are capable of this feature, i’ve only actually done so with like, less than one dozen. A normal player probably has to be picky.

secondly, and this is the big one, every t-doll’s mod 3 comes with story cutscenes that become available for you to view upon upgrading them. Personally, i think most of the only worthwhile mod 3 stories are the ones that are associated with the actual major characters of the main story, especially since their upgrades actually happen in-canon and their mod 3 stories fill in blanks or otherwise expand upon the regular story chapters.

for the t-dolls who aren’t major characters that get digimind upgrades, their associated stories tend to follow a very basic pattern. They’re feeling like they are falling behind other T-Dolls in abilities or are otherwise experiencing a drop in confidence in their abilities, but then find the resolve in them to either change themselves or stand by an aspect of themselves, and this leads them to heading to the lab to get upgraded. obviously theres some nuances here and there depending on the character, but a lot of them, from what i saw, follow this basic pattern.

hanyang type 88 has a mod 3 but i certainly never wanted to see it. Firstly, using the feature at all takes up resources are kinda precious so i wasn’t just gonna use it on anyone. Secondly, she is just one of many one-off t-dolls that basically dont ever show up in any actual main story cutscenes or even funny events. Thirdly... you saw what she looked like in the linked post, i was in no rush to make use of her.

That being said, even if you don’t ever upgrade a t-doll, simply having them in your possession allows you to at least view the first of four parts of their mod 3 story, which nets you a small amount of those materials needed to see the rest (its a pretty fiendish system, huh o_O). I was lacking in some materials to upgrade a doll i cared about, so i just mucked around, eventually happened upon type88 again and decided that instead of just immediately feeding her to the furnace, I’d watch the first chapter of her mod 3 story. I watched it, it made me just curious enough to look further, and well. ...I got into it. Exactly what I got into, i shall now just elaborate and summarise the whole thing in my own way! Warning, it’s long!

(disclosure: my summary will bias towards my own preferred interpretation whenever any aspect is somewhat vague.)

The story starts with type 88, or as she is called by others in griffin base, Ai, working her shift in the base’s cafe, because what else would she be doing.

i hate looking at her! Anyway, its just a pleasant peaceful day and Ai is taking the logistic person, kalina’s order when suddenly in the middle of a conversation, Ai freezes in place and starts making worrying sounds.

kalina here and the t-dolls present in the cafe are concerned, and talk about how Type88 has actually been crashing like this more and more frequently lately, yet has not reported any of this to the maintenance crew despite the advice of her friends. They try rebooting her on the spot, but it has an even more concerning effect, because she starts erratically acting like she doesn’t recognise the others, and talks about how she is a maid in “Jiangcheng Cafe”. Afraid that her neural cloud (her mind) has been scrambled, they put her to sleep and bring her to the repair bay.

Its in the repair bay where they explain exactly what is wrong with type88. She is a fairly old doll, and her processing capacity has been severally clogged up for a long time. Her internal memory is overflowing because many large sections of her mind is filled with very large encrypted files (memories that she stored away). she is likely to keep crashing and possibly even cease functioning entirely one day if those encrypted files are not deleted, but nobody is really keen on just deleting parts of her mind without her consent. For now, kalina just opts to try and decrypt the files and see what they are.

And from here, we watch type88 memories from her perspective. Sort of. Kind of. It gets complicated later but for now, we view the first memory of her life, not as a combat t-doll type88, but...

...as 59898, a doll designed to be what is basically a ‘crash test dummy’ for testing artillery technology in a research station. With a purpose like this, 59898 has an (ostensibly) rudimentary AI. Her learning ability is intended to be used to better aid the results of their testing, but she also knows how to understand and even imitate specific human gestures in order to better respond to instructions or conversation, even though she herself has no voice module to speak with. She is assigned to assist one specific person.

first off, i was pretty shocked right off the bat that this story above so many others actually has unique assets to it. The above two sprites don’t show up anywhere else in the game, i don’t think. Secondly, this woman’s name is only ever spelled with those white squares, so I’m stuck with having to just calling her ‘the pilot’, as dry as that sounds... I just don’t want to type out weird characters every time, or call her ‘triple cube’...

Anyway, so 59898 is assigned to help this woman in testing artillery tech (stuff like mechs and tanks). I should mention really quick that in the game’s story, during this point of time is when world war iii is happening, but that’s just a backdrop for robots to eventually gain more prominence. Anyway, we move on to the second memory, where some time has already passed. At the beginning of this memory, the pilot is visibly depressed, which 59898 takes note of.

Her ‘comfort mode’ consists of patting the pilot on the head, who while surprised, actually is grateful. She feels comfortable enough to talk about her worries aloud to the doll, mentioning how she is a war refugee and has to make a living in the research base because she can’t go back to her home in china, at least not before making enough money for a very expensive and exclusive train ticket. She continues to talk at length to the doll...

...not that the test doll is capable of responding to anything she says. The pilot insists that she’s happy just to have someone listen to her though, since she feels like she can’t really express her feelings to any other person on the base. Despite that-

That aside, the pilot says that referring to 59898 by her serial number all the time feels a bit weird, so she decides to give the doll a name. (I sure wish the story would give this woman a name too, other than ‘three white squares’ but oh well...)

She talks more with Jiangcheng Ai, or just Ai, after that, asking her if she’d like a change of clothes sometime, like some casual clothes, or an old maid outfit from an old cafe job she used to have (I guess they had to throw in any explanation for that outfit somehow) Point is, more and more time passes.

As time passes though, and we go into the third memory, the pilot brings up complaints to her superiors about how the more recent testings, becoming more increasingly intense and frequent, are putting a great strain on Ai, and even repairs can only help maintain her chassis so much. She insists on wanting to take Ai’s place in the testing, but they refuse because, well, Ai’s entire purpose is to take the strain of these tests so that the human pilot doesn’t have to, and the doll is just a tool there to pave the way for the pilot to eventually take over the mech in action

The next time Ai wakes up from her most recent repairs, the pilot is there to greet her, and Ai can tell straight away that she’s unhappy and tries to comfort her again. The pilot is not surprised at this and talks about how this is how Ai has been since they first met. She goes on to say how all the other people on the base don’t know her half as well as Ai does. Ai tries to understand and determine what the pilot’s intentions with saying all this is, but she cannot do so and can only listen while offering ‘executing - affirmative nod’.

The pilot talks about how once the war is over, she’d like to take Ai back home with her, where they could go to all sorts of gatherings, and the pilot would introduce Ai to her friends.

Ai reviews her personal data, confirming that she has no owners or obligations other than the pilot, so she executes another affirmative nod, and the pilot says this:

As Ai tries and fails to further determine this, something bad happens! if you’ve read this far, i’m sure you’ve already guess what happens next...

At that exact moment, a warning goes out and the research base is being attacked by nebulous enemy forces. With no time to talk anymore, both the pilot and Ai head out into their first real fight.

They spend a good long while repelling enemy forces, working well together and apparently using all sorts of wacky anime weaponry like beam blades and whatever ‘retrograde evasion’ is!

obviously though, you already know this isn’t going to end well for them... When the pilot takes a breather, Ai moves to protect her, but at a critical moment, a sudden high-speed projectile comes her way. In the next instance there’s a crash, and we move onto another memory. Where its all fire and debris, and Ai can’t move.

^ this text box actually repeats several times, indicating that she is repeating her scan for life signs over and over. She gets an internal warning from her systems (differentiated with red text) that she has insufficient power and it warns her to immediately cease ineffective operations. [Unable to detect owner life signs] repeats again.

At this point, uuuuh, its a little stupid actually? because two humans show up, reusing generic ‘bad guy’ sprites from other events that don’t match the current environment and situation at all (one is in a suit and the other is in casual clothes). but the reason they’re here is to provide exposition out loud about what happened. It looked like the human’s mech took a hit for the doll and was blown to bits, though they talk about how that doesn’t make any sense.

Ai at this point tries to execute a bunch of different actions like hugging [target not found] and screaming [no relevant module] but they all fail, and her internal systems tell her that her power is running out and she will cease to function in 30 seconds.

So in those last 30 seconds, Ai decides to quickly review her internal files. the damage she took has corrupted her memories and she doesn’t have the time to properly go through them, so she executes a ‘simulated processed records’, which basically mean she’s just filling the blanks of those memories herself with simulations.

And I have to say. I was decently into and enjoying this little story so far, but its this part that’s the reason i became forced to make this stupid giant post. the first ‘memory’ loads up, and we see the pilot.

Different ‘memories’ of the days spent with the pilot are loaded back to back, each are very short and only last a few lines. Across these files, the two of them talk comfortably with each other, Ai is invited to go get coffee with her, the pilot talks about how going alone is boring and would rather spend time with Ai, Ai saying back with her own words that she always likes spending time with her, etc etc etc.

And then finally, she loads one last ‘memory’, from earlier that same day, before the explosion and the fighting.

and she shuts down.

i passed by this scene the first time all calm, but an hour or so later when I was in the bathroom replacing shampoo bottles, i started thinking about it and I literally started sobbing. And then again later that night when i was in bed. I hate this game!!

so that’s the ‘end’ of that, and the next scene opens, once again in griffin base’s cafe, except...

Ai is sporting a brand new (ugly) look. She says she’d like to take kalina’s order but she was just leaving on other business, as she likes keeping herself busy with all sorts of work around the base ever since she got upgraded into a gundam gajinka. and after she leaves, kalina talks with the other dolls about how Ai used to have some cache issues because her neutral cloud was too full, but upgrading into this new chassis easily fixed that and even allowed her to make use of her old locked away abilities.

Because of the way this scene in the cafe opens up exactly like the very first one at the beginning, it makes me believe that this final scene is also a simulated ‘memory’, that is, Ai filling in the blanks of her corrupted memories with what she wishes to be reality. And i feel confident in believing that because after the scene fades to black, we see more of her internal system monologue.

She (the system) says that the priority execution is to preserve those encrypted memory logs. She does so, and the neural cloud upgrade is complete with confirmation of no loss files. With no risk of deletion in this new form, she executes the command to unlock the encrypted memories. And finally...

[spiderbread dies]

i still wouldn’t use her in gameplay because i can’t stand looking at her design but  i told you all i eat up robot with feelings stuff and this is like prime example of exactly that... and if i didn’t make this post, i think my own neutral cloud’s cache would be at risk of overflowing x_X!

#spider bread crumbs #gfl