#anyway this is the same actor as played the insane love interest in Fated to Love You

[reachexceedinggrasp]

Okay, so for my clannibal people, I have two recs where something very like The Dynamic has recently appeared in media. The first one has far more caveats than the second, but the first one is also the one where the ship is canon and has kissing.

The Method a Russian series from 2015 (it’s on Netflix). It’s about a young ingenue who decides to become a cop because of lingering trauma around an unsolved violent parental death (check), she’s accepted as the protege of an eccentric genius (check) through somewhat shady circumstances with some kind of ulterior motive (check). He, the eccentric genius, is not a serial killer- he’s a detective, but he is an absolute human disaster whose erratic behaviour and extremely questionable morals are tolerated by the police because they can use him as a weapon. He has totally killed people.

‘Byronic Hero’ is a vast understatement.

This show is grim, graphic, and very dark; it takes an extremely dim view of humanity in general and it doesn’t provide the hope or catharsis that Clannibal does- the protagonist does not get to have it all, so be forewarned on that. The implicit worldview and assumed ethical framework of the series is honestly appalling and the main characters are all fairly reprehensible by the end, so if you’re not prepared to deal with a whole lotta ugliness I would say don’t watch it.

The selling point to me is that the characters are interesting and the ship is very compelling. Again, it’s canon, so you will get satisfaction, but the actual romance is somewhat subtextual most of the time. Their connection is the lynchpin of the series, but it’s more about the protagonist’s ‘education’ into his world and an exploration of what that world is than it is focussed on them falling in love. He has no illusions or intentions about having a future (with her or otherwise), he’s trying to pass on his ‘method’ to a worthy successor, so his attitude is heavily informed by that. She is being broken of what idealism she ever had (told you it was grim).

Anyway, their relationship is very fucked up and the series has a legit horrifying (also aggressively stupid) conception of what mental illness is like, but it was very engaging and it was totally unapologetic about the romanticism of the dark love story, so there is a lot there for you if you want to see something like a Clannibal dynamic again. Just don’t expect the positive turn or healing. The ending is not happy or hopeful in any sense. You could make a good argument it’s a full-on tragedy, though I don’t think that’s quite the intent. And the tragedy is Titus Andronicus. If that gives you an indication of how grim we’re talking.

The plot does completely fall apart by the end (it’s like if OUaT were an r-rated crime show, it becomes that much of a mess), but the acting is good and it remains very compelling because of the characters.

Tell Me What You Saw a kdrama from this year. THIS is what I’m talking about. A young ingenue decides to become a cop because of lingering trauma around an unsolved violent parental death (check), she’s accepted as the protege of an eccentric genius (check), through somewhat shady circumstances with some kind of ulterior motive (check). She has to go visit him alone in a giant, creepy old building where he is confined (ooo, new check). He, the eccentric genius, is on the side of the angels and is again not a serial killer lol. He is a legendary criminal profiler and ex-detective who spends most of the series as a somewhat morally ambiguous anti-hero. He’s brilliant, he’s troubled, he broods and plays mind games from on high, and he’s always 17 steps ahead of you. I love him. Also, crucially, he is hot:

The first six episodes have great build-up to a not-totally-unpredictable but still fairly epic twist and then, sadly, the following episode is a bit of an anti-climax from what felt like it should be the jumping off point where the series kicked into high gear but turned out to be a bunch of wandering around aimlessly in very loosely connected episodic plots. There’s narrative justification for this, but I did feel like someone slammed on the breaks and switched gears. It takes a while to regain momentum and is never quite as focussed or well-balanced again.

The pros of the series are its very strong characters played by mostly very strong actors, quality atmosphere, great action, good suspense, and loads and loads of interesting relationships brimming with potential. The one that interests me most being, of course, the one between the protagonist and the profiler. It’s pretty much exactly the clannibal dynamic- he picks her apart and challenges her for his own reasons and then comes to enormously respect her; she is at first intimidated and angry but gives as good as she gets until she reaches a point of growth where she can challenge him in return. And, in the end, he has helped her self-actualise and become who she wanted to be and she helps him heal from his past to the point she can radically alter his outlook on life.

Their relationship is ultimately very positive for both and remains central to the series throughout. There are complicated feelings at play that are given some time in the spotlight, but it is sadly underdeveloped from what it should have been imo. Especially on his side. And there is no romance or explicit attraction, though I think the show supports her at least having a crush on him. If it had ‘gone there’ it would not have shocked anyone, let’s put it that way. They could have gone there. It is one of those flawed canons with good characters super ripe for fic. (Please watch this show and write fic so I can read it, is what I’m saying.)

The cons are that the story ends up being ridiculous on multiple levels and there are some intensely irritating moments of characters being profoundly idiotic and unreasonable just to keep the plot going. Incoherent motivation, mainly for the heroes, is a BIG problem. Apparently rampant police incompetence (including from all the main characters) is the second biggest problem. There is a fantastic female character who is the team leader for our main cops and she gets hit with both of these possibly the worst of anyone. The big reveal about her also makes no fucking sense. There was a maybe cliché but perfectly serviceable route they could have gone instead without changing anything, it seemed like they were setting it up, but they just go with... nothing. And in retrospect this undermines her entire character for the whole series. Which hurts because she was genuinely awesome.

So yeah. There are logic problems and all three ongoing major questions in the overarching story basically have terrible ‘solutions’, but it is extremely well-made in every other respect and the characters remained compelling enough that I couldn’t stop watching. The single-episode mysteries are usually very good with good pacing and satisfying resolutions. It’s consistently entertaining despite the frustration and it manages to pull out a fucking GREAT A+++++ ending right when you’re about to get super pissed off about more deterministic grim teenage nihilism ruining everything. The protagonist got to learn from all her experiences without losing her optimism, rise above adversity and be rewarded for her faith, and it was honestly so nice to get that. So unexpectedly hopeful and uplifting. I love a story that gets dark but never despairs.

If they make a second series with the same cast, I will be there with bells on.

#clannibal #media recs #tell me what you saw #the profiler is very OP in the best way I love this character type and I'm not ashamed #give me a super OP mess and I'm so happy #(as long as the narrative realises that they are a mess) #( if it doesn't then it's just ugggggh and probably heading for PCM at best and studom at worst) #anyway this is the same actor as played the insane love interest in Fated to Love You #Korean Johnny Depp #jang hyuk #he's pretty great #he's also an ex-boxer and real life martial artist whose entire body is rock hard so he's got that going for him as well #this show is very nearly Peak Aesthetic for him (all black clothes sunglasses shoulder length hair unnnf) #he needs the long hair #short hair does not suit him #(I realise I'm biased but it really doesn't) #this opinion has been reinforced mightily by this show and the show I watched him in where it was even shorter than in the shit half of FtL #(which is Wok of Love which I do not recommend at all it's terrible) #although that show also had bad lighting/direction which I'm sure didn't help #I mean it's Peak Aesthetic until they inexplicably decide to dress him exclusively in giant fluffy coats he never takes off (yes i'm salty) #why does this character have five different giant black coats what's that about #back to TMWYS now btw #my tag rambles are getting more confusing #he had a smart peacoat in the beginning and then it's all huge parkas #I understand it's apparently always freezing in studios and it was winter but cold is temporary looking cool is forever lmao #kdrama

[aotopmha]

Attack on Titan season 4 part 2 episode 4:

The most interesting thing about Eren will forever be the contrasts to me.

He says he was always this violent murderer, but even in Yuki Kaji's performance in this episode, there is a whole bunch of distance, an attempt to paint his 'nature' as logical.

I firmly believe in the interpretation that while Eren's fate was determined because of the endpoint he saw, the endpoint could've been different if he wasn't stuck in his head and his perception of himself and his part in 'fate'.

I think he just couldn't see any other way out because of what he went through and the circumstances he happened to be in rather than there only being one objective way out.

I think his deterministic 'fate' was laid by his mindset and that is fascinating to me because I think that's how people work.

We are all stuck in our heads, shaped by the many different elements of our existence: experiences, environment, relationships and yes, our DNA.

But I think we can still choose how we react, even if that in itself also might just be our DNA, experiences, environment or relationships at play.

This episode made the endpoint so obvious in hindsight to me.

On the other hand, I'm a little disappointed Kaji didn't play up Eren's sarcasm just a little bit more in one of his scenes with Zeke.

On the other, other hand, everything with Grisha was great. His voice actor is just amazing, always has been, but the episode's direction in some of the scenes with him was also great.

Another element: Eren wasn't happy about driving his father insane, but he deemed it worth it for the endpoint. He has learned enough pragmatism to be able to push Grisha to murder the Reiss because he didn't want the people on Paradis to be eaten by Titans because the king of the walls would just let it happen.

Him interfering would also contribute to getting to the endpoint he saw.

Selfless motive covered in very dubious methods.

The enemy of all who hate ambiguity and any kind of challenge in perspective.

I love media for these strange, speculative situations it often presents that allow me to think about humanity.

It's about giving food for thought and positing questions.

Do *you* think there was another way out? Would *you* have done the same given the choices Eren was presented with and what he went through? Which option would *you* choose if there was no other? Do you think Eren was actually always this mindless murderer he so stoically claims to be?

I think it's all really interesting to think about and the answers seem obvious at first, but then you add the human element to it and it gets a bit more muddied.

Anyway, this is some of my favourite material from the story because it asks these questions and others and gives me food for thought.

#Attack on Titan #Shingeki no Kyojin #AoT Season 4 #SnK Season 4 #AoT #SnK

[abiggaynerd]

What made me ship maxwil. Sorry this is really just a jumbled mess JKNKJN but hope u enjoy reading it anyway. Under a cut because its too fucking long

Wilson and Maxwell are don’t starve’s main characters. They show up in the original game’s intro movie together. 

Maxwell speaks to Wilson on the radio, offers him a deal, and Wilson takes it. 

Now, think about that- Wilson, with no hesitation, takes a stranger’s dubious offer from a radio that is NOT supposed to be two-ways. He ruins his life without even thinking about it. 

This shows us how DESPERATE Wilson is for human contact. 

Wilson lives alone in a house, far away from his family who hates him, and not a single friend. Some might say Wilson doesn’t like people. But what i see is a person who ADORES people, being forced to be apart from them (exactly like maxwell) because no one will take him seriously. Wilson is working this hard because he is convinced if he just makes one good invention, has one big break, then people will finally respect and like him. It’s not just that he wants knowledge for knowledge’s sake.

He has someone offering him exactly what he wants, and it’s not just the offer, it’s the fact someone is talking to him. Wilson wants someone to listen to him, and believe in him, and that is JUST as important as the knowledge, if not more so. Maxwell has complete faith in Wilson’s ability to make this portal. Wilson trusts maxwell more than anyone else, simply because he’s gotten the smallest bit of positive attention. 

That makes his betrayal absolutely crushing for Wilson. Wilson is the only person who explicitly says he hates maxwell in the first game. He feels betrayed much more personally than maxwell intended, he’s furious, and he finds out maxwell didn’t actually believe in him the way he thought. Wilson is forced once again to completely rely on himself. Wilson likes himself and believes in himself a lot, but he sort of has to. No one else will. And that’s a hard thing to deal with.

Wilson goes through the worlds, because he wants out, obviously. He is the only one to canonly reach the end of adventure mode. Wickerbottom may think he’s an idiot, but he’s the one who made it to the end of the line, not her. 

Wilson is likely expecting a boss fight here, or something, but what he gets is a sad, frail old man who is suicidal and has nothing. Maxwell has completely given up. When you free max, it says “take pity?” Wilson does. Wilson KNOWS this will end badly for him. Wilson KNOWS he’s not going to get anything in return. But Wilson frees him, because Wilson is unequivocally GOOD. Wilson cares about people, deeply, and would do anything for them. Wilson does not like to see people suffer, and Wilson will take on the pain for himself if he can. Maxwell has hurt him more than anyone, but Wilson still takes his place. 

Now if we look at this from Maxwell’s perspective: Wilson is just another person to trick into coming here. Maxwell is putting on a show, using all his charisma, doing what They brought him here for. It’s the same as everyone else. 

Something interesting about adventure mode is that maxwell does NOT want you to continue. He does his absolute best to keep you from getting to the end. Scaring you, killing you, bribing you. You think it’s cruelty or fear of you at first glance, but really: maxwell does NOT want you to suffer the way he does. 

Maxwell brings you here, puts you in a terrible world, but in his mind, NOTHING is worse than the throne. Look at him on the throne and look at him as a survivor- on the throne he has nothing but despair and the desire to die. As a survivor, he’s extremely peppy in comparison. The throne has ruined maxwell, and even though he’s past the point of caring if you come to the constant, he does NOT want to be the reason someone else is on the throne. 

But is the door itself a cry for help? Was that a subconscious thing maxwell did? Charlie doesn’t have an adventure mode. She seems quite happy on the throne. Or is it because the Them are tired of maxwell? Compare Charlie’s world to Maxwell’s: considerably harder. Charlie’s world may allow you to revive yourself, but Maxwell’s is objectively easier. Less bosses, less danger, more resources. Maxwell also tries to give you a world you can have everything you need in in adventure mode, which is THE BEST he can do for you- something probably only allowed because the Them know the survivors won’t take his offer. 

When you get to the throne, despite being in absolute mental agony, maxwell cannot make himself trick you into freeing him. Which he COULD. He could pretend the key will let you out, he could pretend it’s something he REALLLY doesn’t want you to do because oooooo its gonna free youuuu and send you to earthhhh. But he cannot allow himself to do that, because this is the last bit of kindness and humanity he has- giving you the knowledge that the throne is the worst fate possible here. He clearly doesn’t think you are going to do it until you do- he’s shocked and thrilled when he stands up. 

Wilson frees him, knowing everything, after everything, and that SHOCKS him. Maxwell considers Wilson his savior. He owes everything to him. 

They don’t see each other again until cyclum. Wilson attacks maxwell, and while some people may think it’s because he’s angry, i think it’s because he SAW maxwell die and assume it’s either an insanity hallucination come to kill him or a new monster come to trick him. When max doesn’t attack when Wilson stops, he stops. 

Now, there are a lot of things Wilson could do. He could leave, he could kill him, he could ignore him. But Wilson feeds him. Maxwell is TOTALLY FINE. Max can get food himself. And food is a valuable resource. Wilson chooses to feed maxwell, because Wilson is good. They camp together, another thing Wilson doesn’t have to do. Wilson then decides to WORK WITH MAXWELL ON A PORTAL. AGAIN. Wilson makes the ACTIVE CHOICE to trust maxwell, with NO REASON TO. 

Now, we don’t know exactly what happens when the other survivors get there, but it stands to reason Wilson protects and defends max against the other survivors. Even though the portal failed AGAIN, and its possible max was fucking with him AGAIN. Wilson CHOSES to trust Max, even with evidence that could imply otherwise. 

If we look at the quotes, Wilson banters with max a lot, and can be annoyed with him. But when max is dead, Wilson explicitly reassures him he’s already working on reviving him. 

Maxwell, like Wilson, thrives on attention. He needs it, even if its negative. It’s easier for him to be someone to hate than just a sad man to pity. His persona- where he misses the throne and being king, is a lazy asshole, and hates everyone- is just that, a persona. Max is an actor, after all. He and wigfrid have this in common: he cannot handle being HIMSELF because being himself is terrifying. He doesn’t have anything as himself. He’s nothing as himself. I don’t think mentally he would be able to handle it! And Wilson knows this.

Maxwell also, when Wilson dies, asks if he really wants to come back. I think this is the only way he can think of to try to make up for bringing him here. It’s not much, but Wilson wouldn’t feel pain any more. Of course Wilson wouldn’t accept that, but maxwell offers because it’s the only thing he can think of.

Wilson is someone maxwell is nervous and shy around, when greeting. He’s the only one max shows explicit affection for. Like i said before, max sees Wilson as an angel, as his savior, but maxwell cannot handle it. It’s easier for him to be a huge asshole. But Wilson does not let him drive him away. 

I think the banter is something Wilson enjoys! Wilson is a sarcastic person, and he and max are intellectually equals. I think max is someone he really enjoys spending time with, as well as someone he would do anything for.

Now if we look at one of the more recent videos, with charlie, Winona, Wilson, and Max, maxwell sees charlie for the first time in a long, long time. He is frozen, but when Wilson calls him, he immediately follows him out. This shows me he puts Wilson on the same level as CHARLIE now, if not HIGHER. 

But something else that isn’t technically canon that made me ship it is this: when i played adventure mode for the first time, i got all the way to the end cutscene and died during it. I didn’t unlock max so i had to do it again. 

I restarted, and it made me think of Wilson KNOWING adventure mode was not a way out. KNOWING the end was not going to go well for him. But going through all five worlds, AGAIN, JUST to free maxwell. And that really got me to love the ship jknkjn

In conclusion maxwell and Wilson have an absolutely beautiful relationship, and it’s good. 

#maxwil #long post #ds #bluh bluh

[hello-nichya-here]

Ok, so what in your opinion is the WORST mistake that the showrunners for Game of Thrones made in terms of content, either it's addition or redaction?

WARNING: Looooooong post ahead

Themes are for eighth-grade book reports

This absurd quote by one of the showrunners explains why exactly the show fell appart. They wanted to make a story... without themes. Anyone with a minimally functioning brain will tell that this is impossible because every story, even the simplest and least complicated story there ever, has a theme. Even a nihilistic story has a theme "Nothing matters". Every. Story. Has. A. Theme.

But Game Of Thrones didn't, at least not after the writers ran out of books to adapt and did their own thing. Everything every character did was no longer to build a narrative, but to essentially act as click-bait. The focus was to make people keep watching, not on making any content that was worth watching.

The first four seasons had it's problems, just like the books had it's problems, but Martin's writting was so brilliant that it managed to stay good even while being handled by absolute clowns. The moment season four ended was the moment the show stopped being an adaptation and became it's own thing - and like I explained before, said thing wasn't a story.

Shock

Both the show and the books had MANY shocking, heart-breaking and downright horrifying scenes: Daenerys being raped by Drogo; Bran being pushed out the window after accidentally seeing the queen fucking her brother; the whole deal with Craster and his daughters; the Dotrakhi destroying Mirri's village and her revenge against them and Daenerys; Ned's death; Melisandre giving birth to a shadow baby that killed Renly; The Red Wedding; Jeoffrey's death; Tyrion killing his father; Theon being tortured by Ramsay...

The difference is there were REASONS behind the shocking scenes Martin created. Even when you look at things like rape and torture scenes and threats of rape/torture - Martin used those scenes to remind us that the world he created is an EXTREMELY dangerous and downright vile place, and that the characters are never truly safe, and that there are WAY worse things than just being killed.

Dumb & Dumber on the other hand, gaves us scenes like an evil, former man of the night's watch evily making an evil speech to his fellow evil men, evily drinking whine from a human skull while nameless women were being raped in the background - but little does he know that Jon Snow, the hero, is about to wreck his shit. It takes something that could realistically happen (and that did happen in the books) and takes it up to eleven because the writers think shock is the same as quality and that the audience is SO STUPID that they need to practically make the actor jump out of the TV, grab us by the shoulders and scream "I'M EVIL! I'M THE BIG BAD! ROOT FOR THE HERO TO KILL ME!"

Pretty much every bad guy became a parody of Jeoffrey, ironically enough because the writers took Jeoffrey too seriously. He was a cruel, sadistic character, who had WAY too much power - but he was also a spoiled baby whose reply to Tyrion bitch-slapping him wasn't a threat, but "I'M TELLING MOM!" Jeoffrey worked because he was only allowed to do his thing whenever smarter, more competent characters like Tyrion and Tywin where not around, meaning his actions, while inhumane, never reached the point of no longer being believable.

The horrible things that happened to the characters no longer felt "right". For instance, Sansa had just been taken to the Eerie by Little Finger, who has a weird complex in which he sees her both as the daughter he never had with Catelyn AND as a replacement for Catelyn, and she was starting to truly be a player instead of a pawn... and then the writers realized "Oh shit, we should have not cut the Jeyne Pool/Fake Arya' plot, that was important" and forced it on Sansa, making Little Finger hand her on a silver plater to Ramsay and turning her into a victim AGAIN, this time to a man that dramatically fights his enemies without a shirt own, practically saying "come at me bro"

Compare this to Ned's beheading, or Catelyn and Rob being betrayed and killed by the Freys. These moments were shocking and downright depressing - but they were earned. The writting was on the wall for anyone to see: Ned was at the mercy of Jeoffrey, and the Starks had given the Freys, who are notoriously disloyal, a reason to resent them. These twists felt completely natural, were the only logical way for the situation the characters were in to play out, AND they had consequences to plot instead of just making the audience gasp and then being forgotten about.

Plot armor

It's kind of ironic and almost tragic that the show that became famous for killing characters later became the worst type of high-stakes series, putting the characters in situations they could NOT survive, not even if a goddamn miracle happened, and having them live anyway. What's even worse is that it happened repeatedly. If I had to see Jon Snow almost die and then survive anyway one more fucking time I was going to lose my mind.

There's no bigger proof that there were just no consequences for the "main" characters anymore than watching the second, third, and fourth episodes of season either. The first sets up that this battle against the night king and his army of undead is likely going to kill the majority of them, if they're lucky... and then in the third we see the plot armor in all of it's "glory", and then in the forth we find out that the Dotrakhi, who had ALL been killed, actually still have half the numbers they had the night before, somehow. Even red-shirts weren't dying anymore.

DORNE

This disaster needed it's own session because HOLY SHIT, it's a miracle/tragedy that everyone didn't go "Fuck it, I'm never watching another episode of this stupid show."

The Dorne plot in the books isn't perfect, but what the show did to it was so fucking bad that I'm pretty sure the writers didn't even read the Dorne chapters in the books, they just looked at a wiki, wrote down the names of a few characters and then did their own shitty thing.

In the books, Doran Martel is a clever, dangerous man, who pretends to be harmless so people will understimate him and step right into his trap. In the show, Doran Martel... died. That's it. I can't remember anything else that happened to him. Add him to the list of "Brilliant characters that became stupid due to shitty writing", I'm sure Tyrion, Varys and Little Finger will love making him company.

The sand-snakes, one of the main driving force of that plot, were all distinct characters in the books, with their personalities, goals, methods and motivations - basically they were created by a writer who knew what he is was doing. In the show they were all the same "character" who could be perfectly described by that horrible, cringy, PAINFUL line one of them (I can't even remember which) said to Bron "You want a good girl, but you need the bad pussy" (Seriously, if that actress ever kills the show-runners as revenge for having to say that, she'll be 100% justifyed in doing so)

And we cannot forget the driving force behind that unwatchable shit show: Ellaria Sand. In the books, the death of Oberyn made her believe that revenge only leads to more blood-shed. In the show, his death enraged to the point of wanting to avenge him and his family, and she did this... by killing his family. If that doesn't explain how insane and stupid this plot-line was, I don't know what will.

Hype = Character assassination

Many shows are based around the conflict between the bad guys and the good guys. Game Of Thrones is not one of these shows. Or at least it wasn't. As they ran out of ideas, the writers started mutilating every single character until they could be label as "Good" or "Bad", regardless of what felt right to the story and to the point that there was nothing left of said characters. Stannis's actor, Stephen Dillane, straight up said that the only thing he got from being on the show was money and that his character's motivations and decisions were nonsense - ironically enough, that kind of brutal honesty means that the writers had THE perfect actor play Stannis, and wasted his fucking time.

Here's a list of the characters that fell victims to this horrible fate: Catelyn Stark, Tyrion Lannister, Sansa Stark, Arya Stark, Jon Snow, Melisandre, Stannis, Jorah, Daenerys (bonus points for being mutilated into being both a generic, shitty "hero" and a generic, shitty "villain") Greyworm, Rhaegar Targaryen, Lyanna Stark...

Pretty much the only character who became more complex in the show than she was in the books was Cersei. While her book self was never just a "Generic Evil Queen", the show version of her was far more sympathetic, which made the stories she was part of interesting. Too bad the writers ran out of ideas of what to do with her after season six and just left her by the window drinking whine until Dany showed up to kill her. Which brings us to...

Why is this happening?

Cersei was seen as a threat in the last two seasons based on nothing but the things she HAD done. Her story just ended the very second season six did, but since she was still alive despite being one of the bad guys she had to die... I guess. She (and by extention Jaime) joined the list of characters that had nothing to do, but were still around: Davos, Theon, Yara, Melisandre, Bron, Sam, Gendry, Bran (the last one being SO unnecessary that he was cut from season five and no one noticed)

To combat that issue, the writers gave characters "motivations" that made no sense. For exemple: Sandor Clegane. His only reason to be in the show was so he could kill his brother. The problem was that Gregor was already dead. He was a walking corpse. There was nothing left of the abusive brother Sandor once knew, meaning he had no reason to fight him, and that, to keep Sandor around, the writers should have come up something new (like the redemption that book fans have been waiting for, and that has a lot of backing evidence). You might as well have had HIM be the one to randomly fly out of nowhere and kill the night king despite having no connection to him.

And since we're talking about the night king... Arya was the one to kill him. Why? Because the writers ruined Jaime's redemption arc, meaning that the only fitting ending for him was to die with Cersei, and so Arya could not kill Cersei despite wanting to, having the ability to do, AND having heard a prophecy that said she'd "Shutting brown eyes, blue eyes, and green eyes forever", the last one being the only one she had not done AND applying to Cersei. But Dumb & Dumber admitted they had no plan for this, so now that they were at the last season, they needed to do something with it, and they retconned it to mean Arya would kill the night king...

But Arya killing him meant Jon had nothing to do, so Dany had to go mad so he could kill her. To "hint" at that, they ignored all the not at all subtle foreshadowing the previous season had of Dany and Jon having a kid, and they even showed her getting jealous that he was technically the true heir... even though that made no sense since they were going to rule together anyway, and even after Dany went full "Mad Queen" she ASKED HIM TO RULE WITH HER. But anyways, he kills her and becomes king...

Except he doesn't actually become king and him being a secret Targaryen has no effect in the plot, because Bran needed to become king so there'd be a reason for him to be alive, because his magical powers turned into a plot-device. A plot-device that wasn't used at any goddamn point. Seriously, the only thing as bad as Bran becoming king was Euron's existence - dude was THE most useless villain ever AND the worst Jeoffrey parody.

A darker story (literally)

I could not end this rant without bitching about this. What is the point of spending an ungodly amount of money on sets, costumes, make-up, special effects... and then using such poor lighting that no one can see what the fucking is going on?

Anyway, this disaster of a series was so absurd it should be used as an exemple of what NOT to do.

#asks #long post #got #game of thrones #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #rape #violence #death

[galadrieljones]

The Walking Dead: Episode 4.12, “Still” Rewatch

So I rewatched “Still” in honor of the Stilliversary tonight. My thoughts are not related much to Team Delusional stuff, more so just thoughts and idle analysis, but I had fun and definitely did not cry.

Here we go!

Beth is already feeling it, right away, after the trunk scene, ie: what he must think of her. She’s just another “dead girl” who needs to be protected. It is both insulting and embarrassing at the same time.

Daryl misses that squirrel and breaks an arrow! Dammit, Daryl. This is just another trial, but it’s interesting in how we see Daryl in like rote provider mode, and yet he makes a mistake.

The suck-ass camp begins with some Garden of Eden imagery: While Daryl skins and cooks the snake, Beth is admiring the beauty of a ladybug crawling on a leaf. The music is actually full of wonder. Beth sees the beauty in the natural world while Daryl sees it only for what he can use. It is an essential masculine vs. feminine moment, in terms of their individual themes, and what propels them and their actions. Their masculine and feminine energies will be subverted later though, and well-complicated, because the writing is good.

Beth brings up Hershel’s death early: “He’s not exactly around anymore so...” She wants to have a drink, maybe to rebel against her father, maybe to honor his memory, maybe to seal her own fate. It is a complicated choice for Beth. It’s not just some “dumb college bitch” moment. She knows this, but how is she supposed to communicate it to Daryl?

Daryl is like an animal eating that snake while Beth tries to talk to him. Literally, out of body. I imagine being her and just like, Ugh. Gross, dude. Then, when she leaves, Beth totally expects him to come after her. When she doesn’t see him right away, she mutters, “Jerk.” She called him a jerk in season 3, too, after he takes off with Merle. I think Beth is used to being treated nicely by boys. Ofc, Daryl, while he may not be an overt gentleman in his scarfing of that disgusting snake, was there watching her the whole time. 

“You wanna spend the rest of our lives staring into a fire and eating mud snakes? Screw that. We might as well do something.”

I sort of missed this before, the mention of “the rest of our lives.” It is a small acknowledgement that they are now “stuck together.” Ofc, Beth’s idea is to “make the most of it,” to go out into and DO something! Embrace the future! Daryl sees only the here, the now, and the past. He would prefer to stay still.

Unrelated but: God, Daryl is peak hot in this episode. 

Anyway, so, the state of Pine Vista, and what happened there. Jfc. It’s very ugly and very sad. The Dogtrot seems a reference to a dogtrot house, which is an old Appalachian style home. Basically like two shacks connected via a breezeway. I see some sort of backcountry types having moved in here and tortured the rich folk. There is evidence that “fun” was had. “Rich bitch,” etc. Maybe it’s the same psychopaths who tormented the OG Terminus crew, ultimately turning them into crazy cannibals.

Beth finds the Washington D.C. spoon. Why?? It’s such an odd, pointed shot, with a slow zoom. Is that where we’ll find her? Does anybody else know anything about this?? Anyway maybe this is a TD post lol.

Beth finds that bottle of wine and it’s a shame she has to break it! I remember feeling so bad about that the first time I watched this episode. Like NO BETH YOUR BOOZE!! She uses it to stab the shit out of that walker though, and to defend herself. She’s kind of pissed at Daryl for not helping her, again used to only the kindest of attention from boys. But Daryl isn’t like other boys (lol). He was there the whole time, once again, but he let it play out, because he knew she could do it. I like that her first (almost) drink here sort of has to become a weapon instead. Nothing is ever easy! And sometimes, the environment IS best observed, not in terms of its beauty or promise, but in terms of how its use can best be served to survive.

Tempus Fugit - Time flies! Oh, yes. Yes it does lol.

Daryl and Beth both need to escape their old selves here. Beth with her pretty cloths and Daryl stealing the cash and the jewels. They need to shake that shit off. Burn it all down, if you will. I think this episode we mostly associate with Daryl changing and having his epiphany, but Beth changes, too. She is just quieter at it.

It is 3 o’clock! The grandfather clock is this interesting motif that puts pressure on the situation literally while also bringing the symbolic pressure of time passing, running out, etc. It makes us feel detached from reality, like this is a purgatory episode. I like when The Walking Dead does this, like when they take us to a new place in which we become critically aware that this thing we’re watching is fiction, and by the rules of fiction, anything (ANYTHING) can happen.

“I know you think this is stupid, and it probably is, but I don’t care.” She just is who she is. She doesn’t give a shit what he thinks. I think that attracts Daryl to her in this moment and emboldens him. I think Daryl actually really cares what other people think of him, that he is keenly self-aware in this way. We see this fear manifest as Merle in Chupacabra, ie: that the rest of the group thinks he’s a “freak,” a piece of “redneck trash,” and that they’re all “laughing behind [his] back.” Meanwhile, Beth is just like, “You probably think I’m just some dumb bitch. But guess what, Daryl? I DON’T CARE.”

Beth sitting at that bar trying to clean out glasses: “Who needs a glass?” She clutches the bottle longingly and then cries. I would argue she is thinking of Hershel and the line of questioning that arises in this moment. Should she do this? Is she betraying him? This moment also contradicts what she tells Daryl in 4.1. “I don’t cry anymore Daryl.” This is the moment that breaks him.

Beth keeps trying to make him feel normal, while they’re walking to the shine shack. She thinks he used to be a motorcycle mechanic. But Daryl’s normal is not hers, and he doesn’t really do small talk. In these little moments, we see him being who he is. Daryl is really good at being who he is when who he is revolves around passivity and silence.

They go from country club to moonshine shack. What we see is how a class divide might differ in longevity. A country club full of walkers, made out of humans who turned against each other, every bottle dry in the house vs. an empty shine shack, no death in sight, absolutely full of booze. When societal protections collapse around us, it is the ruthless and the bereft who will know how best to survive. It’s like Beth sad about Daryl, being “made for this world.” 

They are trapped! Tropes. So many romantic tropes! Lol at people who would like to ignore that any of this happened or that Bethyl was never canon.

This: 

Anyway, I think Daryl is actually pretty mean to Beth toward the end here, out on the porch, like the way he treats her, kind of tugs her around physically. He doesn’t hurt her, but he is not gentle. This puts things into harsh perspective for Beth, as I do think that, while he is not right in how he handles her here, he is right in some ways about who she is. She is not naive but she is used to protection and safety and relying on others, the same way he is used to the opposite of those things. Both of them need to learn how to exist from the other side. 

Beth also sees what’s going on, however. I think she also might be used to this sort of quasi-violent, performative, drunken behavior. Her dad was a drunk. I think it’s interesting that so much of this episode hinges on alcohol in Hershel’s wake. I always thought this might be one reason Beth is drawn to and accepting of Daryl. We only really see Hershel while sober (I mean, mostly). We never saw him in his deep element of alcoholism, but Beth did. She is not innocent to vices or men spinning out of control. It’s why Beth responds to Daryl’s whole insane story about the tweaker and Merle with, “You miss him, don’t you?” She doesn’t care that Merle was a degenerate drug addict. He was Daryl’s brother who died. She has loved and lost an addict, too.

Before, Daryl was just “drifting.” In this episode, Beth gives him a quest. I think that’s very important. She also gives him something to look forward to:

“You got away from it.”

“I didn’t.”

“You did.”

“Maybe you gotta keep on reminding me of it sometimes.”

The hint at their future: “You gotta keep on reminding me,” he says, counting on them staying together. Beth is so kind to him here, too, even doting as she talks about him being the “last man standing.” I can’t imagine a girl has ever treated Daryl like this. I think she scares the living shit out of him.

Daryl suggests they go back into the shine shack, but Beth says they should burn the place down instead. Again, stillness vs. action. See their complimentary traits: Daryl is passive. He needs someone to tell him this is okay. Beth is active. She does what she wants. It is uniquely antithetical to their gender roles and subverts the power dynamic we might otherwise expect from a relationship like this: Daryl is older and a man. Ofc he should be the more aggressive, assertive one. The actor. But he’s not. It’s Beth who makes their choices in this episode. Daryl follows her and protects her along the way. 

The ending is so happy. Oh my god. Anyway.

Thank you for humoring me. Happy Stilliversary!! 😭🥺❤️

#the walking dead #bethyl #daryl dixon #beth greene #daryl x beth #4.12 #still #stilliversary #❤️❤️❤️

[wonda-cat]

You mentioned rewriting that one analysis post on Tommy’s revival stream and I’d really look forward to it! I never got to read the full og post and that’s the only place I saw these takes. Especially the one about the afterlife being too depressing. It’s not even just about Tommy, the implication that even if every character is safe and happy by the end, this is their inevitable fate is messed up. It’s not “a neat subversion” it’s just depressing and doesn’t add anything.

Hey, anon!

I sorta decided to not rewrite it? I feel a bit differently about the essay in the end, although I still believe in most of my points. I’m also just not nearly as passionate about it as I was when I wrote it (I finished it in a single sitting, which was... interesting.) However, yes, the afterlife stuff still bothers me just the same, as well as the odd changes to Wilbur’s characterization... post mortem.

But—just for you, anon—here’s the entire meta-analysis essay anyway, with some minor edits to the stuff I don’t agree with anymore!

My Many Narrative Issues with Tommyinnit’s Revival Stream

I want to preface this by saying that I dearly love the Dream SMP and understand it isn’t exactly comparable to other mediums like TV and film. With this being the case, most criticism against it is generally in bad faith or strange in foundation. Complaining about streamers for bad acting is the best example that comes to mind. 

These aren’t professional actors. Most have never acted in this sort of setting, or even at all. Quite a few have admitted to never roleplaying before. Which is why it’s warranted to praise Tommy, Dream, Wilbur, Ranboo, and others when they deliver stellar performances. The same applies to criticism of music choice, dialogue delivery, focus, tone, etc. 

However, one such category I cannot overlook is in regards to its writing. The writing of a story is its entire foundation. It encompasses many things—conflict choice, character development, themes, and morals. The author creates the blueprints for the architect, who then expresses the story with light, sound, color, pacing, and music. It is in its execution that we see if this connection is made or broken. 

The reason I find poor writing mostly inexcusable is because it is one of the most available skills to practice and perfect. I don’t mean to say that it’s easy, I mean to say it is something anyone can attempt to cultivate. Whether they do it well or not depends on their methods and experience. If anyone can self-publish a novel and be criticized online for its quality—and even compared to the works of Mark Twain—then I find critiquing the writing of the Dream SMP to be perfectly reasonable. 

However, since the Dream SMP script is a set of loose bullet points, tearing apart dialogue and scene continuity—which is nearly all improv—is rather useless. It doesn’t exactly have a clear focus as the plot plays out. The characters talk in circles until they hit the story beat required, and then they move onto the next. Thus, when criticizing it, one should generally critique grand events and narrative-specific shifts, more so than small-scale character interactions. 

Which brings me to my main point: The broad narrative choices taken in Tommyinnit’s most recent livestream, ‘Am I dead?’ may lead to disastrous writing pitfalls in the future. 

I’ll be outlining each of my issues below, in hopes of creating a better understanding as to why I feel this way. 

This might become quite lengthy, so please bear with me for a bit.

Tommy’s relationship to Wilbur has flipped. This change is jarring and seems out of character.

Tommy and Wilbur’s friendship is rather complicated. While Wilbur does care for Tommy immensely, especially during the L’Manburg Revolution and the Election Arc, his mental spiral during exile put a massive strain on their relationship as a whole. Wilbur brushed off Tommy’s feelings and wants, while clinging to him and pushing everyone else away. He was simultaneously distant and suffocating. 

Tommy, on the other hand, has an unclear view of his mentor. Since the beginning, and even long after Wilbur’s death, Tommy held him in especially high regard. He saw him as a brother-figure and a wise leader. He followed what he said and did everything he could to impress him. Yet, Wilbur still hurt him while the two were together in exile. 

When speaking of him, Tommy tends to flip infrequently between remembering Wilbur the way he was before his mental decline and thinking of him as a monster. Both of these images conflict with each other, but they weren’t nearly as extreme as what Tommy described Wilbur as when he was revived from death. The fear Tommy displays to Wilbur is beyond intense—it feels as if the audience may have missed a month’s worth of character development. 

This can make sense, especially since it was stated that he’d spent what felt like two months in the void. However, this shift is still deeply at odds with Tommy’s previous impressions of Wilbur, which is both disheartening and confusing. The fact that Tommy would agree to stay with Dream—his abuser and murderer—over his past mentor is simply head-reeling. It paints a very different picture of Wilbur’s character, somewhat conforming to the fandom’s ableist impression of him—the idea that Wilbur is insane and irredeemable, and always will be. 

It also ignores Dream being the driving factor in Wilbur’s downfall, as well as the double-bind deal with Dream which required him to push the button, no matter the outcome. Others have pointed out that Tommy may be lying to get Dream to bring Wilbur back, and there’s compelling evidence for that. For one, Tommy and Wilbur’s conversation seemed uncomfortable, but it was certainly nothing like Tommy implied. (Unless this fear comes from something Wilbur said off-screen.) 

Tommy also begged Dream to not bring him back multiple times over, which he should know would make Dream even more tempted to, simply because he likes seeing Tommy in pain. Tommy is also a known unreliable narrator. He may be making Wilbur out to be worse than he is by accident (even still, I’d argue this is a bit of a stretch.) 

However, there are some issues with this theory. Tommy offered himself as payment to Dream if he chose to let Wilbur rest. This is a deal Tommy knows Dream is extremely unlikely to refuse. Tommy is what Dream has coveted all this time. If Tommy genuinely wanted Wilbur back, he would not offer this. This sort of compromise is Tommy’s greatest nightmare—something he would only do in response to his friends being threatened or his home being destroyed. 

To add, Tommy is not great at lying. Unless he was taught by Wilbur for those two months* in the afterlife, there’s no chance Tommy would be this good at it. Thirdly, Tommy is terrible under pressure. He uses humor to cope. When he can’t, he cries and shouts and spills his heart out. While cornered, Tommy will tell the truth about anything, especially if Dream casually debates killing him again, just for fun. 

For now, it’s too early to tell how the relationship shift will play out. In the grand scheme of things, this issue is rather minor.

Season three’s writing is needlessly bleak. The portrayal of the afterlife is a nightmare. There is no rest, not even in death.

I adore the Dream SMP storyline in its entirety. I believe the first season is fantastic, and while the second season has some narrative clarity issues, I enjoyed it just as much. Although, I would argue season one had a more concrete understanding of its Hope-Conflict balance. 

To briefly explain, the Hope in stories are its ‘highs’ and good moments. These appear when a character the audience is rooting for is narratively rewarded. They happen during character building in the text—it’s the downtime and peace that allows for connection and relatability. It’s a moment for the viewer to breathe easy. 

The other half is Conflict, an obstacle in the story that gets in the way of the main characters’ goals, beliefs, and motives. These are the ‘lows.’ They give the narrative focus and weight. They make the highs feel even higher. They establish consequences and force the characters in the story to change in order to adapt and overcome them. 

I bring up the Hope-Conflict balance because a traditional hero’s journey would have an appropriate amount of both. Their highs and lows are generally equalized, as the name suggests. However, this balance has been awkwardly skewed in the latter half of season two and in the current plot of season three. To clarify, it is perfectly reasonable, and even common, for some stories to tip the scale more to one side. 

But a common mistake for amateur writers is to create their stories as either hopelessly dark to cause the audience continuous distress for the sake of distress, or to keep everything entirely conflict-free for most of the plot. What do these both have in common? They each make the story boring and predictable. 

Season three has taken this concept and thrown a monstrously heavy weight onto the Conflict side and flipped the scale so hard it has crashed through the ceiling. The viewers are hardly given time to find any joy in Tommy’s character, as he’s thrown into yet another abusive situation, just barely after his first narrative reward. The world is painted as relentlessly violent and traumatic. 

Every person Tommy meets is morally grey, unhinged, or out to hurt him. Everything most of the characters love is taken from them by those in positions of power. Ranboo cannot even grieve properly because it scars his face. Puffy, Sam, Ranboo, and Tubbo all blame themselves for what happened to Tommy. 

The audience watches lore stream after lore stream with the same depressing tone (with the exception of Tubbo’s, but I assume that’s unintentional.) Tommy is revived after being brutally beaten to death by his abuser, surrounded by all of his greatest fears. The afterlife is revealed to be akin to inescapable torture. It’s a colorless void that wraps the individual like fabric. 

Time moves thirty times slower within. There’s nothing—nothing but the voices of others who’ve passed on before him. Dying in a world already devoid of happiness takes the characters to a place worse than hell. When a narrative delivers unfair suffering to the entire cast without a moment of joy to speak of, the story will feel simultaneously overwhelming and pointless. 

Why watch characters suffer when there’s no light at the end of the tunnel? What happiness could they strive for when we know they’ll never get to keep it? How can I be satisfied with a good ending, if I know that an afterlife too terrible to name is what awaits them, truly, at the end of their story? Death isn’t even a white void that offers rest—it is eternal torment. 

Obviously, it isn’t a good message to send by making the afterlife seem like a quiet, perfect place or an escape from pain. But making it an unspeakable anguish which awaits, assumedly, every character who will die in the future? I deeply hope Tommy was only being an extremely unreliable narrator. 

More likely, I hope the place Tommy was taken to was a Limbo of sorts, not an end-all-be-all destination for everyone.

The degree of Tommy’s narrative punishment continues to escalate, to an almost absurd degree.

Tommy is one of the most tragic characters to exist in the storyline. He was sent into war at a young age and experienced two traumatic events during it. He was exiled by the newly elected leader and witnessed his mentor Wilbur spiral and break down with paranoia. Tubbo is executed publicly in front of him. When expressing rightful anger at the person who murdered him, he’s beaten nearly to death and never receives an apology. 

Schlatt dies right in front of Tommy, after his initial refusal to hurt the ex-president. His brother-figure and mentor is killed in assisted suicide on the same day his nation is blown up. His best friend exiles him from his home for the second time. He routinely self-sacrifices to protect his country and those who live there. His most treasured possessions were taken from him and he was called selfish for trying to retrieve them (although his methods were self-destructive and volatile.) 

He was pushed to the brink of suicide after being relentlessly abused and isolated in his exile. He was horrified when he thought he was responsible for drowning Fundy. After making an objectively good decision to stand by his old friends and change for the better, his country was obliterated by the man he once idolized, his father-figure, and his abuser. 

He was left scattered and without purpose for many days. Then he fights against Dream and loses, while also reliving his trauma. He watches Tubbo almost die at the hands of someone he once thought was his friend. He doesn’t tell a single person about what happened to him in exile. The day he tries to sever his connection to Dream and heal, he’s trapped with him for a week, surrounded by everything that terrifies him. 

He threatens to kill himself, speaking about his own life as if it were an object—something to hold over Dream’s head. He blames himself for everything bad that’s ever happened to L’Manburg and his friends—internalizing a mentality as a scapegoat for everyone around him. He is forced into the role of ‘hero’ despite the title being unfair and distressing to him.

As if that weren’t enough, he’s then beaten to death by his abuser and spends what feels like two months in an afterlife that is worse than hell. When he returns, his senses are excessively heightened. Dream can cause him excruciating pain, just by pinching him. He can send Tommy into an instant panic attack, just by raising his voice. 

The punishment Tommy’s character receives is a thousand times worse than everyone he has ever met, or ever will meet. And it shows no signs of stopping, as Dream now has control over Tommy’s very mortality. Tommy now fears the slightest damage and feels as if he’s losing his best friend all over again. He is also forced into a position where he has to kill Dream out of necessity, to protect everyone he cares about.

Characters need fitting punishments in relation to their actions. Not always, but in order to be satisfying? Yes, they do. It is preferred that a main character deal with unfair situations and difficult conflicts, but this is borderline torture p*rn. Putting Tommy in these distressing and abusive situations on repeat and punishing him for doing objectively moral or healthy things is exhausting to watch. 

To quickly add, I find the general insinuation of Tommy going to hell distasteful, especially considering the contents of his storyline. I know this may be hard to believe, but Tommy is one of the most moral characters in the plot, besides Puffy and Ghostbur. He’s also the only character, followed by Ranboo, to recognize that they can be wrong and make mistakes. He changed himself in order to heal and be a better person. He was in the process of paying people back for the things he’d stolen. 

He’s learned to be hard-working and less violent through the guidance of Sam. He has apologized to everyone he’s ever hurt (with the exception of Jack Manifold, because that man is allergic to communication.) He puts himself in harm's way to protect others. He doesn’t set out to purposely hurt anyone. He goes out of his way to make connections with people and maintain them, even if others don’t reciprocate. 

He’s hopelessly optimistic, despite his outwardly bitter façade. He loved so much and put meaning into the smallest things. The thought that a person like him—a suicide and abuse survivor—would go to hell after being beaten to death by the man who took everything from him; it makes me sick to my stomach. 

The only thing more morbid than Tommy’s afterlife being different than everyone else’s, is the concept that everyone will end up in this same eternal torture, no matter what they do. Take your pick: Tommy is sentenced to anguish until the end of time for no reason, or everyone will receive the same disturbing ending, regardless of their actions.

The narrative weight of Ranboo’s character is potentially out the window.

For the past few months, I’ve watched all of Ranboo’s lore streams faithfully, curious to see what role he would play in the future. His ‘hallucinations’ of Dream seemed to be sowing the seeds for a plot that has Ranboo taking the fall for every single insidious thing Dream has done. It would also be a tragic parallel to Tommy’s trial. 

Ranboo being convinced he was the one who blew up the community house, when Dream himself admitted to doing it, was one of the bigger indicators for me. This is just one of many other unexplained occurrences. Dream seemed to be making an effort to trigger and control Ranboo, especially after Sapnap’s prison visit. It appeared, from the way he went about this, that Dream had some grand use for Ranboo as part of his plan to be freed from Pandora’s Vault. 

However, after Tommy’s stream, the way Dream explains himself makes it seem like there was no plan besides seeing if the book worked on people. And if he didn’t after all, then what was Ranboo for? Was Ranboo unimportant? Was Ranboo just some weirdo who happened to phase out when seeing smiley faces and imagined conversations that may or may not have happened? 

I bring this up more as a worry, and much less so as an active problem in the narrative. They haven’t actually thrown Ranboo to the way-side or written themselves into a corner yet. In future streams, this could very easily be explained away or developed as more information is revealed. 

Only time will tell.

The potential for Wilbur’s future development and importance to the plot is unfeasible.

I feel as if I am the only person on earth who doesn’t want Wilbur Soot or Schlatt revived. There are many reasons for this, but one of them is not a dislike for these characters. I especially adore Wilbur, as he’s one of my all-time favorites. I don’t want either of them resurrected because their stories have already been told. They each had a fitting conclusion that ended their involvement perfectly. 

Bringing Wilbur back would especially cheapen the impact of the War of the 16th. It’s the end of a man who was brought to the absolute edge and out of desperation, shame, and self-hatred, he destroyed himself alongside his creation. Bringing him back would leave the climax of the previous story hollow. My biggest issue, however, is that a lack of story importance would likely follow his return. 

The only real impact I’d like to see is through a healing arc with Tommy, an apology to Fundy, or a confrontation with Phil/Niki. But that’s really all the potential I can realistically see. While I don’t doubt Wilbur as an agent of chaos, able to create plot out of thin air; what is he going to do now? His country is gone, his friends and family are scattered about, and his mission from the 16th is already accomplished. 

What is a well-educated, charismatic politician supposed to do in a world already broken and without nations? Read poetry to himself and cry evilly? However, this is working off the assumption that Wilbur would be returning as his old self. 

If Wilbur is resurrected as a ‘villain’ of sorts, then what? He’s not good at fighting in the slightest. He would have no materials. There are no real allies he can make, other than the arctic group. On top of that, there are already more than enough villains to last a lifetime. 

We don’t need any more, I promise. Quackity seems to already be shaping up as another antagonist, alongside Sam’s slip into darker and darker shades of moral ambiguity. We also have Philza and Techno, which are already overkill. But then we have Dream who, despite being in a prison, has the ability of selective revival. This is mercilessly overpowered, especially if he makes many allies. The dude could just bring his dead friends back so they can keep fighting forever. 

Then there’s Jack Manifold and the Crimson followers; Antfrost, Bad, and Punz. That’s not even including characters who are refusing to get involved. How are Tommy, Tubbo, and Puffy expected to do literally anything to fight back?

Dream’s experiment on Tommy implies he had no backup plan to begin with. This makes his character seem both short-sighted and foolish.

When Tommy woke up after being brought back to life, Dream sounded surprised that the revival worked at all. This instantly shatters the perception that Dream was highly intelligent and thought ahead. With just a few lines of dialogue, it’s implied that Dream killed Tommy, unsure of if the resurrection would even be possible on humans. 

Which, to risk something that important, seems unbelievably stupid. Dream needs Tommy, from his perspective. Tommy is his ‘toy,’ the one who makes everything fun. If he lost him and couldn’t get him back, what then? Oh well, everything Dream was doing was all for nothing, I guess. 

Why not attempt this experiment on literally anyone else first? Like Sapnap or Bad or, hell, even Ranboo. I suppose it could be that, as soon as Dream got the book, he experimented with it after the 16th. This appears to be insinuated with Friend and Hendry’s revival, although this is uncertain. But even then, he was still unsure of the book’s effect on a human being.

Also, this means, hypothetically, Dream’s entire plan of escape hinged on the experiment working, to begin with, and also on bringing back Wilbur if it somehow did. I find this even more ridiculous. Why Wilbur? That man couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag, let alone get through the traps in Pandora’s Vault. Even if he is intelligent after years* in the afterlife, that’s also a strange assumption. 

How do people learn things in the void? Where do they even get this knowledge? I’d honestly argue Techno is a far more competent choice than Wilbur. And even if Dream did bring him back and tell him he owed him his life, what’s to stop Wilbur from just killing him permanently? Or killing himself, continuously? 

No way would Wilbur want to be controlled by anyone, ever. The dude would sooner fuck off into the mountains and become a nomad than help a neon green bodysuit cosplay as Light Yagami.

Dream’s discussion about Sam implies that he wasn't playing any part in Dream’s plan, making Sam appear entirely incompetent and neglectful of Tommy.

Dream talked about Sam in a way that seems detached and unaffiliated. He also mentioned him being broken up about Tommy’s fate and not being aware he’s still alive. Dream not being partnered with, or not using Sam in his plan leaves many plot holes. I’ll go through each one. The initial incident was an explosion, coming from the roof of Pandora’s Vault. This did not affect the Redstone mechanism for the doors or dispensers. 

Meaning, Sam could’ve had Tommy leave the way that was expected for visitors after he investigated and found no issues. This likely couldn’t have been done in less than a day, but it would be better than an entire week. If Tommy was required to stay for longer, due to protocol, he could’ve gotten Tommy out and then placed him in one of the minor cells for the remainder of the time. 

Also, no one else lost a canon life for leaving via the splash potion of harming and returning outside the maximum-security cell; why would Tommy? To add, Sam being uninvolved means that the explosion could have only been caused by Ranboo or Foolish. That, or it was placed long before and timed for the moment Tommy entered the main cell. (I’m going to ignore how ludicrous it is that someone would know the exact time Tommy would’ve entered the room with Dream.) 

If Ranboo was the person behind the detonation, this implies he was necessary for Dream to kill Tommy to test the book. But that makes it even stranger. If this was Dream’s goal all along, why not kill Tommy the instant he was trapped with him? It makes no sense for him to wait so long. 

Sam is also directly at fault for not letting Tommy out, even after the week was up. There was no reason not to. He already knew there were no issues with the prison at that point. Although, to be fair to Sam, his character may have been paranoid and checking everything more than necessary, just in case. But this still isn’t a good excuse for him ignoring protocol in this one instance, and yet, not in any of the others. 

All of these plot holes or inconsistencies would be removed if it was revealed that Dream was blackmailing Sam in some way, or Sam had been working with him since the get-go. That Sam was the person who set off the explosion in the first place to trap Tommy inside. It would also explain Sam’s refusal to let Tommy out and by keeping him in there for longer than necessary. 

This can also coexist with Sam’s attachment and care for Tommy. He probably wasn’t told about Dream’s plan to test the book and genuinely believed Dream wouldn’t hurt him. On top of that, Dream is known to be a pathological liar, so his statements about Ranboo and Sam could be entire fabrications. 

Who knows?

The Book of Revival invalidates death entirely. The narrative now lacks both tension and consequence.

Another way the Dream SMP differs from other storytelling media is in the way it goes about its character deaths. In a TV show, for example, there will be characters who die just because, or when it’s important to the plot. However, it seems as if the Dream SMP is hesitant to commit to killing its characters. And there are many reasons for that. 

The most important one being, killing someone’s character excludes them from the story and some of their livelihoods depend on them regularly streaming on the server. There is also the issue of the cast becoming extremely sparse if characters keep dying. Typically, in stories, when you kill a character, you should introduce another. 

This keeps the cast from dwindling as the storyline goes on. This means the writers would have to find new streamers to join, who will develop their own characters and relationships with the plot’s continued momentum. This can be stressful and daunting to those who may be newly added in the future. 

Keeping this in mind, the Book of Revival is annoying from a writer’s perspective. When death is no longer an issue for a story hinged on its characters’ mortality, then what do you have as a consequence anymore? We’ve explored every kind under the sun; from abuse, to betrayal, to loss, to destruction. 

In stories, traditionally, death is a finality. It’s a conclusion. Whether it’s good or not depends on the character’s actions, its build-up, and the event’s execution. Without this lingering sense of danger, tension evaporates from the story. 

Why should I care if Tommy loses in a fight to someone, if he’ll just come back a day later? Why should I care about what happened to Wilbur, if he just returns as if nothing happened? The answer is simple: I won’t. I will no longer care if Tubbo or Ranboo or Sam die in the story, because the idea of revival even being a possible outcome leaves me unenthused and uncaring. 

The Dream SMP likes to flirt with death. It teases the demise of its main characters many, many times. More so Tommy’s than anyone else’s. Wilbur’s failed resurrection, which had unforeseen and unfortunate outcomes, is now strange in comparison to Tommy’s, which happened without a hitch. 

To be fair, we actually don’t see how many attempts it took. But here’s the problem; Dream could do it without the book being physically present. He’s trapped in a prison with nothing on him, meaning he doesn’t need any materials either. It’s also implied he could do this as many times as he feels, for anyone he wants. This would be exceedingly overpowered, if not for one thing—Dream himself is mortal (at least, I fucking hope he’s mortal.) 

If someone kills him one last time, that knowledge is gone forever. And I’m glad they’ve established at least some way for Tommy to win. Because at this point, I was losing faith. 

There is also the bare minimum establishment that Dream can refuse to bring back those he doesn’t care for. He can also use it as a shield, holding this power over other people. If Dream is gone, death is permanent. But isn’t that how death is supposed to be, anyway? 

What a bleak premise—the afterlife is pure eternal torture while life is cheapened by a lack of consequences.

Conclusion

All this to say, I am cautiously optimistic for the future. I hope dearly that every single one of these can be disproven or developed in the coming livestreams. Obviously, there’s not enough information to really determine what the end result will be, or how everything will fall into place. 

Every time I have theorized about the story, it has done something completely different and pleasantly surprised me. I want this trend to continue. 

Surprise me again—I’ll be here to see where it goes.

#answered asks #long post #tommyinnit #dream smp meta #dream smp #dsmp #dsmp analysis #this is slightly outdated still but whatever #hope this was helpful anon #tw abuse #tw suicide

[tothestarsandbackmoved]

Rant about interstellar

i have before but ill do it again!

interstellar touches me for many many reasons.

first off, the entire premise and setting and the world building in it. the dust storms, the failing crops. the protagonist does say at one point- "humanity was born on earth. they were never meant to stay here" and that just,,, hits me you know? presently we've seen the emergence of no human exploration besides the probes and the ISS. there are plans but the same curiosity just seems dead. interstellar stretches that and shows us what would happen when human curiosity and the desire to explore would die. we'd kill everyone on the planet and soon starve ourselves. the blights- the illnesses- the dead medicare- that's a very bleak future, but a very real one. the movie does both its part about scaring the viewer about it- as well as giving us hope about wormholes and quantum data and singularities and how we'd save ourselves. you can see that the old generation is talking about their days and how better or worse it would be. in the end, on the cooper satellites, you see the interviews being played- and it really breaks me. that was a generation that thought it was the end. the end of human life. the final descent and that was it. and then they see the five dimensions and getting lifted and their lives are essentially turned around. this isn't just the older people though. we see that the gen z then, like cooper's son have also mostly been brought up to *live*. we see that he tries to get into school and actually get into uni and find a job in one of the remaining sectors of the world which still offer something other than farm corn- raise family. You see that the teachers also say this? they teach them to fight blights and sustain crops because they’re losing more and more to disease each year. Humanity’s slowly being packed up and demolished and they aren’t seeing it coming. at all.

then there’s the quote which is recurring throughout the movie:

“do not go gentle into the good night”

the professor says this all the time. as they’re leaving- his last few dying words- as they’re preparing. and you know what? i’ll say it. this is where the next important theme comes in. Desperation. When he initially sends them out- he hasn’t solved gravity yet, and he knows he never will. Not without the quantum data from a black hole- something again, he can never get. Which is why he implies that there’s a Plan B and cooper can see murphy again (this is also very important- scroll down for this). He breaks all their trust- and he knows he’ll die before seeing the end of the mission- and you can’t die with guilt, not really. He knows that he can’t be held accountable because he’s dead. He’s well aware that his plan is a hail mary- and it wouldn’t have worked anyways. He’s counting on Plan B, and that’s all there is to it. He uses the quote as a reminder to himself- because he’s torn too. He isn’t inherently evil, at all. He’s the precarious thread the entire mission dangles by- but he’s willing to risk that too. He’ll be long, long dead before humanity dies- or moves- and this is his last try.

Now for the second part of this quote. As I talked about before- the quote feels more like a reminder to himself- and not actually something that inspires hope in the crewmates. But ironically, it ends up becoming what guides murph. As the professor is dying, she tells him “you’ve been doing this with both your arms tied behind your back”- that’s actually when she finds out about his whole plan. This is the failure of the professor- but at the same time, it becomes the moment he passes the torch to murph. The professor died, knowingly sending his own daughter into the reaches of space. He prioritized his need to save humanity over the love for his own daughter. But, murph isn’t like that. When she finds out about this, she remembers the promise her dad made to her.

“I’ll be back when you’re the age I am now”

and now, she knows he’s lied. But he hasn’t done it on purpose. and she understands that. She makes it HER goal that they don’t go gentle into the good night. She knows that this is probably futile, but she’s going to try. and she’s not going to try thinking that she’ll probably fail- like the professor did (in resignation for plan B)- she’s going to try to bring cooper back.

Third, coming back to desperation. A bold, bold act of desperation is what dr mann did. (I have some qualms about the actor playing estranged astronauts- anyways). Him sending out that sensor- knowing that it will bring humans back to him, while simultaneously jeopardizing the entire mission, and possibly the fate of humanity. He knows what he has done- but he has gone insane alone- and he’d betray his entire cause to see a human face again. This movie really says something about what humans are willing to do. On one hand, you have a woman who singlehandedly saves them all- for human love, and on the other, a man who is willing to commit genocide (that’s what i think it is, dont ask) to see someone else. He messes up everything, deliberately, and goes from “the greatest and bravest man to walk the earth” to a “cold and desperate villain”. This theme has a lot to do with what is happening right now too. Forgive the activism, but we do have people who knowingly exploit and burn and ravage the earth, for their own good- and they’re insane to the point that they genuinely can’t see right from wrong. Sure, you could argue that he was motivated by the need to preserve your own life. But if you give his cause *any* context, you see how wrong he is. This is flailing human desperation, pure and simple.

Now, approaching the themes that actually make it as good as it is. Dr Brand is easily my favourite character in the movie. We get to see her as a brilliant scientist initially, and her arc- is perfect, honestly. For example, take the wormhole handshake- as their going through interdimensional space- where time isn’t linear and your brain gets fried if you try to comprehend it- she recognizes a *being* in that space. If you recall that scene, she reaches out, and meets *them*- someone she knows is otherworldly and entirely above humans (we later learn it is Cooper in the matrix- and i have things to say about that too) and makes contact. She suggests, as both a human- and a scientist- that it may be love that transcends dimensions. She makes first contact with beings that may be their salvation- or destruction- and i think that is definitely the peak of human existence.

She argues that love may be what connected the crew to higher dimensions, and I'll dare to say that she’s right. Love is what made Cooper try to contact murph. Love is what made them dare to save humans. Love was what got her there. She tells them to go to Edmund's planet- not just because she loves him, but because she also makes relevant points AND her gut. It might be stretching it to say that was why she was right- but it is worth introspection. Dr Brand represents the best of humanity and she does carry it, doesn’t she? She settles on the planet for ‘the long nap’ in the end. She tries to save everyone- like on the mountain planet- and she loves. She hopes and she trusts and is unwaveringly honest and courageous. This could become a Dr Brand stan blog for all I care.

Moving on

We have the ‘them’. These are the mysterious threads that tie all parts of the movie together. A black hole to a little girl’s bookshelf. Worlds galaxies apart. A very important thing to note here is that the characters recognize that this is humanity, just very, very far out. And most importantly, wise. This is a civilization who has surpassed the ordinary dimensions, and *mortal* time. They could’ve easily saved all of humanity and given them the planet they were looking for. But their entire ineffable plan, and only putting things where they were needed- was what made them greater than just someone who helps others. Only being able to get binary signals through an intergalactic wormhole, building bookshelves that become a huge metaphor for humanity trying to claw at knowledge- and actually slowly pushing the books forward. The ‘them’ weren’t ordinary humans at all. They definitely hinted and gave me a brief, fickle glance beyond what humans could be- raw possibilities.

Then, we have cooper. This makes it hard to write for him- and do his character justice- but I will try. His character, essentially, is brought down to selflessness, love, a brutal, brutal sense of humour- and the courage- the heavy, heavy courage to sacrifice himself. He’s also the polar opposite of what Dr mann stands for. 

His first important point- in my opinion- is when the movie is starting. I didn’t walk in expecting this from him, not really. You see a dying earth- and this man is (alone in his fight, NASA doesn’t count yet) fighting the system alone. He fights for his son, tries for his father in law, and then the most important relationship- his daughter. He’s seeing an earth where not even *children* are curious, or willing, or interested in anything greater. He sees this in his daughter, though. Hence, the bookshelf- the gravity, and the plain curiosity. 

I’ll dare to say that at this point, humanity’s a dying, dying flame. And what he sees in his daughter, what we see in his daughter, is a rebirth of potential. She has the human spark, so to speak. He sees that, and he makes promises, and is willing to bring the world to its knees to protect her. And he knows he might not be there when Murph burns strong, and bright, and becomes the saviour of humanity- but he hopes.  An important element is the promise, which I mentioned earlier, but it defines their relationship. The promise that he’ll be back when they’re the same age. They both know that it’s not true. They can see the lie, but that promise also empowers them to do what they did when their paths diverge.

Cooper goes to Mann's planet with the vague hope that he’ll be back in time. Murph does most of what she does because she thinks that it’ll bring her father back. Even towards the end, when Cooper willingly jumps into gargantua, a supermassive black hole- which is the literal heart of darkness, he does it in the attempt to save his daughter, and hopes she can get the quantum data at the cost of his life. 

About Murph, we mostly see her through the eyes of Cooper in the beginning. A curious and lovable and stubborn tween who just wants to grow up with her dad and do their science experiments. Her perseverance is phenomenal- she loses her dad despite her warnings and asking- and realizes that her loss is something undefinable, but there. In a way, she grows to understand both her responsibility and her part to play, and why her father did what he did. The ‘ghost’ is another plot device- a mysterious figure who messes with the gravity and knocks her books down. And she sees a message there. She tells him about ‘don’t go’ and i can’t begin to describe how beautifully poetic and heartbreaking it is that they realize the significance of that at the same time, and how it ties together. It is hard for me to fathom that scene really- cooper is in an interdimensional matrix, inside a supermassive black hole, and he tries to tell his daughter two things. (a) trying to stop himself from going out and on the mission, which he knows is deemed to fail and (b) sending the quantum data, because that is what mattered in the end, anyways. The ghost comes full circle- and also says what he had to say, when it was most important. And for those who’ve seen the movie, i just really have to put this quote out there:

‘It was you. It was always you. You were my ghost, dad’

And in that, the movie completes itself. It talks about unfailing love, the peak and fall of humanity, and the potential of curiosity.

In this essay I will...

#nasa #interstellar #christopher nolan #did i spend an hour writing this and loved every second of it? yes #nanowrimo #i think it does count as an entry its over 2000 words #thanks for the ask #tw rant #mango pickle

[bitter69uk]

Recently watched: Shock Treatment (1964). Tagline: “The Nightmare World of the Mad ...” “You won’t be the same … when you come out of Shock Treatment!” I’m using this period of enforced social isolation to explore the weirder corners of YouTube for long forgotten and obscure movies. (My boyfriend is accompanying me only semi-willingly). 

An overlooked black-and-white psychological-exploitation film, Shock Treatment starts on a wonderfully lurid note even before the opening credits roll. A homicidal maniac gardener (played by a bug-eyed Roddy McDowall) sneaks up behind the elderly Beverly Hills millionairess he works for – and in a moment worthy of William Castle’s Strait-Jacket, abruptly decapitates her with his gardening shears! 

McDowell is Martin Ashley, a freshly released psychiatric patient. His ill-fated employer was Mrs Townsend. At the subsequent trial, it’s revealed that Martin - convinced that money is “the root of all evil” - burned one million dollars of Townsend’s fortune after killing her. At least two people doubt Martin’s account. Harley Manning - the executor of Mrs Townsend’s estate - is convinced he’s faking and has hidden the money somewhere. And the icily efficient and untrustworthy Dr Edwina Beighley (Lauren Bacall), who oversees the high security mental institution where Martin is a patient, has her own nefarious designs on the $1 million. 

Manning’s solution is to hire a struggling actor Dale Nelson (Stuart Whitman) to feign insanity, go undercover as a patient in the asylum to befriend Martin and learn where the $1 million is hidden. There’s an unintentionally campy moment when Dale asks Manning why he picked him for the job. “You’re a convincing actor,” Manning replies. (This is ironic because in terms of acting ability, hunky Whitman mostly coasts on his rugged square-jawed good looks). Anyway, it proves remarkably easy for Dale to get committed. He plays “mad” by smashing a store window in broad daylight, tearing off his shirt, donning a pair of sunglasses and berating the cops in beatnik lingo about conformity (“Why must you gentlemen conform?” he implores, “Why not turn to these peasants, look them in the eye and say, “To hell with conformity?” The disciples of conformity are bleeding from the narrowness of your mind!”). For this little outburst, the judge determines, “His antisocial behavior indicates a disturbed state of mind” and sentences Dale to ninety days. 

Shock Treatment follows the same narrative as Samuel Fuller’s far more highly-regarded and famous Shock Corridor (1963): someone is hired to infiltrate and investigate what’s happening in a sanitarium – and then they can’t get out! Rest assured Shock Treatment won’t win any awards for sensitivity for its sensational representation of mental illness. McDowell plays psycho killer Martin with such sexual ambiguity that his scenes with Dale throb with a homoerotic tension the director probably never intended. Meanwhile, Carol Lynley is a female patient who serves as Dale’s love interest. Her psychiatric condition seems to consist of whiplash mood swings between frigidity and nymphomania. “I just dislike being touched!” she exclaims. “Kissing and touching are sins!” but then moments later, she pleads, “I want you to touch me, Dale! To hold me and touch me – now! Love me, Dale! Love me!” Luckily, Lynley’s problems are easily cured: as the script hints, all she needed was the love of a good man. (Watch also for a fleeting but vivid appearance by eccentric character actor Timothy Carey). 

Shock Treatment may be low-grade schlock, but it’s compelling schlock suffused with genuine tension and paranoia, tightly constructed, wreathed in menacing film noir shadows and genuinely suspenseful.  And it features a magnificent turn by Lauren Bacall as the manipulative Dr Beighley, scheming to test her experimental drugs on a human guinea pig. Bacall made her film debut in 1944. It’s a sign of how far the Hollywood diva’s stock had fallen that twenty years later she was reduced to acting in b-movie fare like Shock Treatment. But the husky-voiced Bacall is utterly mesmeric in a rare villainous role, playing it with a malevolent, steely composure and poised elegance (she makes her white lab coat look like haute-couture). Call me perverse, and I’m probably in a minority of one, but it’s one of my favourite performances by Bacall.

Watch Shock Treatment here. 

#shock treatment #lauren bacall #exploitation cinema #exploitation film #b-movie #lobotomy room #bad movies we love #bad movies for bad people #vintage sleaze

[letterboxd]

Lonesome Cruiser.

Blockbuster composer Tom Holkenborg, aka Junkie XL, talks to Gemma Gracewood about composing for titans, his pride in Dutch cinema, friendship with George Miller and longing for Olivia Newton-John. Plus: his Letterboxd Life in Film and why he’s selling his prized collection of recording gear.

It has been a spectacular spring for Tom Holkenborg, the Dutch musician also known as Junkie XL, who has crafted the scores for multiplex fare such as Mad Max: Fury Road, Deadpool, Terminator: Dark Fate, Sonic the Hedgehog and the upcoming zombie banger Army of the Dead. Only weeks apart, two blockbusters landed on screens with his sonic stamp all over them: Adam Wingard’s Godzilla vs. Kong and Zack Snyder’s re-realized Justice League.

Thankfully, the Godzilla vs. Kong score was complete by the time the Justice League telephone rang. Holkenborg—who had lost the Justice League gig along with Snyder the first time around—knew the Snyder cut was coming; he had closely watched the growing calls for it online. “Zack and I already started talking in 2019. He’s like, ‘What if we were to finish this? What would it take?’ Those conversations turned to ‘Well, how many recording days potentially do you need and how much of an orchestra do you potentially need?’ Finally, somewhere in April 2020, that’s when that phone call came: ‘Okay, light’s green, start tomorrow, and start running until it’s done because it’s four and a half hours’.”

Ray Fisher as Cyborg in ‘Zack Snyder’s Justice League’.

Holkenborg approaches the titanic task of blockbuster film scoring with an engineer’s mindset: “Building a fantastic, huge house with 20 bedrooms and the dance hall and the kitchen… You’re not going to start by building the third bathroom for the third guest room, right?” Once he has identified the scenes that are most important to his directors—for Snyder, they included the introduction of Cyborg, three fight set-pieces, and a scene of The Flash running that comes towards the end of the film—the composer identifies instrumental “colors” in order to build a theme around each character. Then he holds some of those colors back, theorizing that “if you want like an, ‘Oh!’ experience by looking at a painting that has a huge amount of bright yellow in it, it’s way more successful to see fifteen paintings in front of it, where yellow is absent.”

The Godzilla vs. Kong score satisfies Holkenborg’s life-long love of both characters. “I don’t have a preference for either one. I love them both for various different reasons.” Their respective histories fascinate him: Godzilla as a way to make sense of Japan’s nuclear fall-out, and Kong as a gigantic spectacle that ended up attracting the sympathies of the audiences he was supposed to scare. Even when the science makes no sense (“what the fuck are plasma boosters, anyway?!”), Holkenborg is still happy to wax lyrical about the emotional depth of Kong’s stories, the elaborate concepts of the Godzilla-verse, and his musical approach to the pair—dark, moving brass for Godzilla, with synthesized elements “because he is a half-synthesized animal”, and a more organic, complex orchestration for Kong, featuring “one of the world’s bigger bass drums”.

Adam Wingard’s ‘Godzilla vs. Kong’.

All of this seat-shaking bombast is composed on an “insanely massive sound system” in Holkenborg’s small home studio (though he reassures pandemic-stricken film lovers that he has recently seen both Godzilla vs. Kong and Justice League on his laptop—and “really enjoyed watching it like that”). The process, he says, was “pretty intense”, but only in terms of the sheer amount of score needed. Composing in quarantine was not much different from his usual workflow. “I’m a pretty lonesome cruiser anyway. Composing, by nature, is like a solo exercise—obviously with assistance.”

Like many creatives (Bong Joon-ho recently told a film studies class that he is up at 5:00am most days to watch a movie), Holkenborg is an early riser, waking by 4:00am. “I’m super sharp between like 4 or 5:00am and 9:00am, so I like to do a lot of creative work in that slot.” He takes care of business until mid-afternoon, when another creative spurt happens. “And then I have another batch of calls usually to make, and then around 8:30pm, I’m going to retire for the rest of the day and just chill out a little bit and watch stuff that I want to see, read things that I want to read. Right now I’m studying Portuguese.” By 10:30pm, he’s asleep. “And then at three o’clock I get up.” (Needless to say, Holkenborg’s children are no longer small.)

The pandemic simplified a lot of things for a lot of people: for Holkenborg, it has been a moment to tidy up the physical side of his work. In November last year, he opened an online shop to divest the bulk of his gear—synths, pedals, guitars, drum machines and much more—that he has been collecting since the late 1970s. When friends told him he’d regret it, he disagreed. “At some point I’m going to die. I can’t take them to the afterlife. I also found out I don’t need them. I love to have them around, but I don’t need them.”

Tom Holkenborg with the bass drum used in the ‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ score.

It certainly solves the question of what he’d take if his house was on fire. “The hard drives with sounds and music over the last 40 years, 45 years, that’s hard to replace. So, that would be it. I’m just thinking about things that are absolutely irreplaceable and there are not that many, really.” Alas, it’s bad news for that bass drum. “I can’t take that with me when the house is on fire. Unfortunately, it’s going to make the house burn longer.”

Anyone who has interviewed or spent time with Holkenborg will agree: he may be a lonesome cruiser, but he is also personable, funny, loves to settle in for a chat. As he lights his second or third cigarette in readiness for his Life in Film questionnaire, I’m curious about his relationships with the esteemed filmmakers he has worked with—who include his mentor, Hans Zimmer, directors Sir Peter Jackson, Tim Miller, Robert Rodriguez and, especially, Fury Road’s George Miller.

The story of how Holkenborg scored Mad Max: Fury Road bears retelling: that George Miller did not want a soundtrack (“he was convinced that the orchestration of sounds of the cars would be enough to carry the whole movie”), that Holkenborg was only brought in to create a little something for the Coma-Doof Warrior’s flame-throwing guitar, that they hit it off, the job grew, and grew, into a score that covers almost the entire film.

The Coma-Doof Warrior in ‘Mad Max: Fury Road’ (2015).

What is his best memory of Fury Road? “Well, obviously, when I saw the movie for the first time and I was like ‘what the hell am I looking at?’,” he laughs. “What I mostly look back on is the friendship that I developed with George and the film school one-on-one that I got admitted to, while being paid at the same time, to study with somebody like him. We would talk all night about all kinds of things and nothing, because that really defines our relationship so much—a joint interest in so many different things.”

Happily, Holkenborg and Miller are working together again, on Three Thousand Years of Longing. “It’s really great to be in that process with him again. It’s just like about pricking each other with a little needle. It’s like, ‘Oh, why are you saying that?’ We do that with each other to keep each other sharp. ‘Oh, but if you’re doing this, I’m going to be doing that.’ And then, ‘Oh, if you’re doing that, I’m going to be doing this.’ So it’s really interesting.”

What is your favorite Godzilla film?

Tom Holkenborg: 1989’s Godzilla vs. Biollante. It’s a very obscure one where he’s basically fighting a giant rose. Let’s not look for the logic there.

Why has that particular Godzilla captured your heart? It’s so corny. Yeah. Mothra vs. Godzilla is also great. Mothra looks like a very bad Arabian carpet that was imported through customs and it got delivered by FedEx completely ruined and then laid outside for like four weeks in the rain.

‘Godzilla vs. Biollante’ (ゴジラvsビオランテ, 1989).

What is the first film you remember seeing in a cinema? Bambi. I was six years old, yeah.

And is there a film you have fond memories of watching with your family—a movie that became a family favorite? Not, like, a family favorite because our opinions were too diverse for that, but the next movie that became very important to me when I was a little older was Saturday Night Fever. I thought the soundtrack was, like, groundbreaking, mind-blowingly insane. It’s not necessarily those three massive beats of the Bee Gees on there, but all these other really alternative, left-field tracks by bands like Kool & the Gang. And the way that that darker disco music played against that really dark movie about what it’s like to live in New York and become a competitive dancer, it’s incredible. And still, today, it’s one of the movies where film music and the film itself had so much impact on me, even though it’s not a traditional film score in that sense. It’s incredible.

What is the film that made you want to work in movies, given that you also have a whole musical career separate from movies? (Enjoy Junkie XL’s early 2000s remix of Elvis Presley’s ‘A Little Less Conversation’.) For me, the move from a traditional artist into film scoring was a very slow gradual process. There’s not one movie that pushed me over the cliff. It’s just, like, all the great movies that were made. And I still have a list of obscure movies, classic movies that I need to see.

Yesterday I saw the weirdest of all, but I do want to share this: the original, uncut R-rated version of Caligula, [from] 1979. He [director Tinto Brass] was notoriously brutal and he organized orgies and had terrible torturing techniques. But it’s really weird, there’s Shakespearean actors in there, and then it goes to full-on porn sections. It’s really weird. The music is incredible. You can find it online. You will not find it anywhere [else]. I can just imagine what this must have felt like in 1979 when the film came out. Suspiria, that’s another one. It’s just like, how weird was that thing?

What is your favorite blockbuster that you did not compose? Ben-Hur. I’ve seen that one at least 20 times.

What’s your all-time comfort re-watch? The movie I’ve seen the most is Blade Runner. It’s just, like, it’s a nice world you’re stepping into, that fantasy. It’s not necessarily because I have memories [of] that movie that brings me back to a certain time period, it’s not that. It’s just that I just love to dwell in it. It feels a little bit like coming home. You can use it as comfort food, you can use it as, “I’m not feeling anything today”, or the opposite. You feel very great and you feel very inspired and it’s like, “Oh, let’s go home and watch that movie again.”

Terrence Malick’s ‘The Thin Red Line’ (1998).

Hans Zimmer has been an important mentor to you. Do you have a favorite of his scores? Yes, The Thin Red Line. It’s also the filmmaking of Terrence Malick—he forces a composer to think a certain way. He would always say, “It’s too much, make it less, make it smaller, make it this, make it that.” So, A, it’s a very good movie and B, he got Hans into the right place and Hans just over-delivered by doing exactly the right things at the right time and then shining just because of that.

Who is a composer that you have your eye on and what is one of their films that we should watch next? It’s so sad to say, but I mean, let’s call it like a retrospective discovery if you will. I’m so sad that we lost Jóhann Jóhannsson. He was a composer I felt really close to. We started roughly in the same time period making our way in today’s world. Also, Jóhann came from an artist background, even though it was a modern classical background. He made really great records, great experimentation with electronic elements, with classical instruments, and the mix between the two of them—very original way of looking at music. With Denis Villeneuve as his partner in crime the movies that they did were just mind-boggling good, whether it was Sicario or Arrival or Prisoners, and his voice will truly be missed among film composers. So people that are not super familiar with his work, I would definitely check it out.

‘Turks Fruit’ (Turkish Delight, 1973).

What is a must-see Dutch film that we should add to our watchlists? Holland has small cinema, but it has a really rich cinema and a very serious cinema culture. Usually because there’s not enough work in film, people are serious stage performers but then they also act in movies so they understand both really well. And we’ve delivered. There’s a string of actors that make their way to Hollywood or star in well-known series, whether it’s like Game of Thrones, or what we just talked about, Blade Runner. Many directors like Paul Verhoeven, Jan de Bont, the cameraman.

And so a movie that I’d like to pick is an old movie, called Turks Fruit (Turkish Delight) from the 1970s. Rutger Hauer is a younger guy, like, this completely irresponsible guy that starts this relationship with a really beautiful young girl, and they do all these crazy things, they do a lot of drugs and they have a lot of sex. He’s just like a bad influence on her.

Then he finds out she [has] cancer and it’s terminal. And to see him deal with that, and to see him want a change, but also in that change he does a lot of bad stuff at the same time… It was a sensational movie when it came out. And it actually was directed by Paul Verhoeven, one of his earlier films. When you see it, you’re just like, ‘Why am I watching this?’ for the first 45 minutes and then it starts and it’s like, ‘whoa’. So it’s really good, even in retrospect.

Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta in ‘Grease’ (1978).

What is the sexiest film you’ve ever seen? When I was super young, it was definitely Grease, with Olivia Newton-John, when she was in her catsuit at the very end of it. I had her picture on my bedroom, above my bed sideways because I was only like ten years old or something. I was so in love with Olivia Newton-John. It wasn’t the film per se, it was her. Yeah, I find, personally, movies from the ’70s to be more sexy, but it has something to do with the super-loose way that people were dressed and people were behaving.

And the other one was later in life: Basic Instinct. Sharon Stone. I’m not talking about like the famous shot, right, where she crosses her legs. I’m not talking about that, but the way that she acts throughout the whole movie. It’s insane. It’s really great.

Are there any films that have scared you? Like, truly terrified you? Yeah, I’m not a big fan because I get sucked up too much in it. The found [footage] horror movies like Paranormal Activity and things like the Japanese version of The Grudge, I cannot watch that stuff. That gets me too much. Because when I watch a film, I cannot watch it with one eye half open, the other one closed, like, ‘Okay, kind of cool, interesting’. I just get sucked into it.

Is there a film that has made you cry like no other? Oh yeah. Multiple. Once Upon a Time in America. The Godfather. Hable con Ella (Talk to Her). Betty Blue.

Thomas Holkenborg, AKA Junkie XL.

These are the films that make you weep? Not like on a regular basis, but I remember those were the ones that I really got hit. I’m talking particularly about the third Godfather. That whole end scene when they get out of the church and then… It’s really well-acted. So many Godfather fans that were dismissive of the film when it came out, in retrospect, ten, fifteen, 20 years later, are like, ‘it’s a really good film’. And I actually think so.

Final question. Is there a film from the past year that you would recommend, that you’ve loved? [Long pause.] The thing is that I watch pretty much a movie a day. So, that’s like three to four hundred movies. It [has] happened so often that I watch a film and then I’m just like an hour and 45 minutes in, it’s like, ‘wait, fuck, I’ve seen this thing before’.

So, we have an app for that… [Laughs.]

Related content

Junkie XL’s Letterboxd Life in Film list

Freddie Baker’s review of Justice League

Dutch Cinema: Danielle’s extensive list of more than 2,000 films

Letterboxd Showdown: The Perfect Score (best film scores)

The official Junkie XL Reverb Shop

Follow Gemma on Letterboxd

#godzilla vs kong #justice league #zack snyder #zack snyder's justice league #batman #superman #aquaman #cyborg #the flash #godzilla #gojira #king kong #kong #blockbuster #composer #film composer #tom holkenborg #thomas holkenborg #junkie xl #synth #synth music #synthesizer #bass drum #mad max fury road #george miller #hans zimmer #letterboxd

[adozentothedawn]

First Playthrough Log Pathfinder: Kingmaker Part 31

Oh joy, it seems the mirror quest is bugged, because it doesn’t tigger. The only mention of this I found was in a post from may 2019. 

Aaaand now the game got stuck.

Ah there you go! Now it works.

Is that one ghost guard the elf king? A little disapointing but okay.

This feels weirdly anticlimactic. I haven’t taken a single of damage in the fight against Nyrissa because all she did was just heal herself. What to do with her now...

I mean I’m really tempted. More gameplay? And it would fit Tamary’s character... I’m just annoyed at myself that I didn’t save after defeating her.

j/ Mister, you are a giant floating ball of fire. With spikes. Calling you a lantern is like calling a burning house an oven. Like yeah I guess you can use it for that, but it seems kind of overkill.

I just realized I never saw Lander again, so maybe he’ll show up here. Edit: Yeah, there he is!

j/ Those are way too many Irovetti’s. At least they’re fittingly weak.

I just got my decleration of love from Kanerah and Kalikke and I must say I’m impressed. It’s great. I love it. It was so sweet and all I want is to hug them. I promise they’ll get a better wedding than just that though. 

j/ The last battle and Nyrissa just killed a dominated Jubilost. Thanks Nyrissa, remind me to never recruit you again.

What to do now... Not gonna lie, essentially becoming a fey does sound kind of dope. But also... immortality? Meh. At least if my wives don’t get same I’m very hesitant. Not gonna deal with Nyrissa though. I really don’t know why, but have less pity for her than for the Lantern King. Maybe it’s the voice actors, Nyrissa’s voice actress is just too good at sounding like a bitch.

I can’t find the actual ending slides unfortunately, but I did find something that said he was the chaotic ending and Nyrissa the good one, and like, why? What about Nyrissa is good? Like I get that she was fucked over and all, and we can totally have a discussion on her moral ambiguity, but how would allying with her lead to a good ending? Because in all honesty, but her and the Lantern King are kind of wonky with morals. They’re both selfish dicks, but they’re endgoal isn’t to hurt people. They’re very fine with it, but it’s not the point of what they’re doing. Anyway, I think I’ll both to fuck off. They can have their game somewhere else, Tamary is fine with the absolute batshit insane story she gets out of this. Becoming a fey would be dope, but also he admitted to being lonely and seem kind of insane. So yeah no thanks.

Aw, no he’s sad. If I’d been able to I would have told both they’re welcome to visit as long as they behave themselves. I can play tricks with him alright, I just don’t want immortality.

Okay, and now I’ll put a break, because after this will be my reactions to the ending slides, which make this thing even longer than usual and I don’t want to annoy people too badly. At least not with long posts.

You know, I pity what happened to Nyrissa in the beginning. It was a bad idea, but the Lantern King is also a dick with no sense of scale. She didn’t deserve that. But I don’t really pity her for her following fate, because that’s entirely her choice. He pulled back and gave up. She could do whatever she wanted to, for example apologize to her sister who were definitely the victims here, instead she chooses pointless revenge.

The republic thing is weird but okay.

Oh fuck you, I didn’t spend frivoulously. I was rich beyond reason in the end. 

My treasury is full of artifacts, but I’m out of money. Okay.

I can live with Brevoy sulking at me. 

Oh come on, no need to be so mean to Lander. It’s not like he was ever a real threat, and he actually did his job fine. I just hope he doesn’t get himself killed again.

Good for Amiri. Did her job well, and when she noticed it wasn’t for her, left them better than they were before. 

Not sure I’m too happy with Pitax, but it’s not bad enough to really annoy me. Let Moskoni have some money if he does his job well. (Even though apparently I don’t have any.)

I’m fine with the academy thing. As long as the leaflets are more creative than the last ones they’re at least entertaining.

Good for Varn! He’s a good man and deserves good things!

I’m glad Kesten stays. Tamary’ll see if she can find his sweetheart and she’s interested will make sure she can live here with her mother. For Tamary, fucking over noble marriage rules is a matter of principle. (As will be shown in the thing I’m currently working on.) Edit: Nevermind, she showed up on her own. Well good for them.

I’m glad the Sweet Teeth are having fun.

I’m a bit dissapointed at this non explanation for the Storyteller. Especially after that last bit it really feels like there’s something missing. Oh well, I hope he has fun wherever he goes. Maybe he’ll come visit later.

Yeah, like I said I have some issues with Valerie, but that would take too long to do here. Maybe later. But it’s not really the ending and more the general concept that I have an issue with, for what it’s worth the ending is fine I guess.

I like Harrim’s ending better than I expected. Nice.

I absolutely adore that Jaethal is now hanging out with Salim. I desperately need a buddy cup story about these two. I would die laughing.

Octavia is fine. I’m not really sure what else to say. Not very surprising, not very interesting, but fine. Good for her.

I like that Regongar’s plan for the future is basically just woo Octavia. That’s a romcom I’m down for!

Tristian stays, which is nice of him. Thank you.

I’ll gladly be godmother of Ekun’s baby, but I won’t lie, I’m not terribly into him marrying Elina. She was a kind of a creep. I’ll just have to hope Tamary managed to talk some sense into her, much like the Watcher does with Xoti.

I love Jubilost. He’s great. Not super into the game trying to ship him with Nyrd, it just seems kind of pointless, but I’m super into the rest. You are always welcome here Jubilost!

I’m so glad that Nok-Nok is happy. Even if his ending slide is still worded a bit... well mean, at least he seems to have found his place.

The whole Tartuccio Tartuk story is still kind of weird but I’m strangely into it. You go kobold man! (Also was it the Lantern King who reserructed him? If I ever found out who did it I forgot, but who else would it have been?)

!!!!! That’s so fucking cute!! Why aren’t there more tiefling shippers? I don’t get it. I love them so much. I hope Idream of the wedding tonight. This is absolutely adorable. Also, it’s tradition now to put little horns on the wedding hats? Oh hell yes! I love this so much... It’s so fucking cute I’m dying. I don’t think anything can top this. Excuse me while I go cry over my tiefling wives.

Bitches, I just got married! You can keep your marriage proposals, my wives are the best!

I still don’t know why they thought they had to do this to poor Linzi, but okay I guess.

Well, I guess now my last question is how I’ll start Varnhold’s Lot.^^ Not today anymore though, it’s already midnight. I want to though. Hmmm...

#pathfinder kingmaker #my log #spoilers #the end #not quite the dlc is left but almost

[p4nkow]

You take my breath away - part V

i swear i’m alive! it feels like it takes me forever to finish a chapter but finally here it is. there’s going to be some tea ☕️ in the next part so stay tuned! what do you guys think it’s gonna happen? let me know your speculations in my inbox or in my dms, i’d love to read what you guys think

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV

Summary: reader has always dreamt of being an actress and she gets the chance of a lifetime when she’s cast as Dominique Beyrand in the infamous biopic about the legend himself, Freddie Mercury. But what will happen when she gets to know better the man who plays his love interest in the movie, Roger Taylor? Will Ben and Y/N’s story be as lucky as the one of characters they portray or will they be starcrossed lovers? Because it happens that things might get complicated because of Ellie, Ben’s long-term girlfriend.

Enjoy and pls, please!, let me know what you think

June 2nd, 2018 – London

Today was the day — the fateful moment had arrived. Finally, after almost a year of work, you and your cast mates were starting to promote BoRhap. You had no idea how to handle all the interviews and trips to other countries and the sudden notoriety you’d have gained, but you were grateful for one particular thing — being away from Ben.

No matter how many times you lied to Lucy, Joe and even to yourself, the truth was that you were starting to feel something for him. And he was just using you to forget his ex girlfriend. You wanted to kill all the butterflies you felt in your stomach every time you heard his name.

“I just thought of what I want to make my New Year's Resolution!” You couldn’t help but give Joe a confused look. Was he really talking about New Year’s Resolutiomm on June?

“Buddy I think you’re a bit late for this”, You pointed out with a small laugh. It was just you, him and Rami waiting in the backstage. The rest of the cast was still getting ready and luckily you hadn’t seen Ben yet. You knew he was there, Joe had told you, but that didn’t mean you had to talk to him.

“There’s still at least the 60% percent of the year left.” You couldn’t tell if Rami was being serious or not. You limited yourself to look at him with an amused smile and you started to think about his situation — you couldn’t have the slightest idea of all the pressure he was under. Now that the award season was about to start his life would’ve been a nightmare. You just hoped he’d get all the recognition he deserves for his hard work.

You zoned out from the conversation as soon as you heard your phone buzzing, sign that you’d received a message. It was from Laura, your best friend, and it was a link to an article. You narrowed your brows, confused by that sudden and unexplained message, and you opened the link. You gasped in surprise as soon as you read the headline:

“Is Ben Hardy single? Let’s take a look at the 'Bohemian Rhapsody' star’s love life.”

You froze in your chair just by reading that sentence only. Joe and Rami were still chatting in the background as you took a deep breath, trying to summon up the courage to keep reading the article.

“Is he single or not? That is certainly one of the undeniable questions on the mind of viewers who can’t wait to watch the hit biographical film Bohemian Rhapsody. So, we're all wondering, is Ben Hardy single? Hardy recently got out of a longtime relationship but he could’ve already found a new love. In fact he was spotted while leaving Y/N Y/L/N’s house. The new star of Hollywood is his costar in the upcoming movie and we’re all wondering if their relationship in front of the cameras led the two actors into something completely different and deeper.”

“What the fuck!” Your tone was louder than expected and you gained a confused look by Joe.

“Is everything alright?”

You quickly stood up from your chair as Lucy joined the three of you and you took deep breaths to calm down. She noticed something was off by the way you looked at her, so she completely ignored the boys and asked “What’s wrong?”

“Where’s Ben?” It was a matter you had to deal with him and with him only. Her lips parted in confusion and she slightly shook her head, vaguely gesturing towards the hallway. “He’s still in the dressing room.”

You gave her a quick nod and you ignored her questions, walking past her through the hallway. You were so bloody mad — deep down you knew it wasn’t Ben fault, but you didn’t want to be known just as Ben’s new love.

So as soon as you arrived in front of the dressing room, you started to knock on the closed door. “Just a minute!” Ben’s voice came muffled but his words didn’t stop you from knocking even more insistently. “Bloody hell!”

Not even ten seconds later the door swung open and a very shirtless Ben stood in front of you. Your lips parted in surprise — you didn’t see that coming. You forced yourself to move his gaze from his bare chest to his face, locking your eyes into his.

26 days.

You hadn’t seen his beautiful eyes in twenty-six days and only now that he was right in front of you, you realised how much you missed him. It was like receiving a punch in the stomach but you forced yourself to focus back on th reason why you were there.

“What the fuck is this?” You placed your phone right in front of his face and his brows became more and more narrowed as he read the article. He took your phone from your hand and by doing so his hand touched yours. You missed his touch so bloody much that it almost gave you the goosebumps.

“I have no idea”, He replied in a low voice while keep reading the article. “I hadn’t noticed the paparazzi.”

“This is bullshit!” He gave you a confused look and took a step towards you.

“Why are you so mad? It isn’t like there’s written something so outrageous!”

You couldn’t believe his words. “It is for me! That’s one of the thing I feared the most — being objectified for a relationship.”

“You’re not being objectified.” Ben’s tone was as loud as yours, the two of you yelling st each other by now. “And we’re not in a relationship.”

You couldn’t deny that his words hurt you deeply and that’s why you blinked a couple of times, a knot forming in your throat as you fought the tears. “You’re right, we aren’t.”

He seemed to realise the impact his words had on you and his features relaxed a bit. He pursed his lips and he was about to say something when the two of you were interrupted by a newcomer. “What the hell is going on?”

Callie was looking at the two of you with her brows more narrowed than ever. That’s probably because the two of you were arguing ten minutes before a very important interview for your careers.

You sighed deeply and nodded towards Ben, who extended your phone to Callie for her to read the article. There was a weird silence between the three of you for a couple of seconds and then Callie’s gaze met yours. You couldn’t read the look in her eyes but you had a bad feeling about it.

“Well this might be useful.” To say that you were shocked at her words was an understatement.

“‘m sorry?” You squeaked and moved your gaze to Ben.

He’d placed his hands on his hips and he shrugged as soon as he met your gaze. “Tell her that it isn’t.”

“Listen, Y/N”, Callie started. “This might be a good publicity for the movie and for your career.”

“I don’t care, it’s my privacy we’re talking about!”

“Y/N”, Ben said but you gave him a death stare. “Don’t you dare”, You murmured in a low tone, pointing a finger at him. You heard him sighing deeply as you turned again towards Callie and she pursed her lips.

“Listen”, She said after inhaling deeply, holding her papers against her chest. “Y/N, I’m not saying that you should fake-date or something like that, ‘kay?”

“Then what?” You placed both your hands on your hips and you looked at her with your eyes narrowed.

Callie sighed again, giving a quick look at the hallway on her right. You could tell she was torn and Ben was surprisingly quiet. “I'm just saying that if the two of you were spotted spending some time together without confirming or denying anything, it'd be incredibly useful to your careers. Y/N, you just made it to Broadway and Ben, you're in a Michael Bay's movie!”

You immediately looked at Ben, hoping he'd say something to get that insane idea out of Callie's mind, but he limited himself to stare at the ground. Was he okay with all that nonsense? “So you're suggesting for us to pretend we're dating?”

“I'm just saying”, Callie urged to reply. “That yeah, you should spend some time together without confirming or denying anything. Let medias do their job.”

“I can't believe it”, You murmured under your breath, avoiding their gaze and turning your back at the two of them. But then a thought popped up in your mind. “What if I'm dating someone?”

Ben coughed and when you finally decided to look at him, he was already looking at you with his brows raised in surprise. “Are you?”

“Don't you think I knew if she were?”, Callie quickly replied and gave you a death stare. "Listen, it's just an idea. 'm gonna look for Emma— Ben's manager needs to be involved, too. Just... don't go anywhere." She pointed her index finger at you before walking away, her heels echoing in the hallway.

What did you get yourself into?

Ben's green eyes met yours again and you shook your head in disbelief before walking past him and sitting on one of the chairs in the dressing room.

He followed you and as much as he wanted to say something – anything – both of you remained quiet for a while. You watched him, though — the way his toned back muscles moved as he hurried to wear a white shirt.

“This is bullshit”, You said in the exact same moment he murmured “Congrats, anyway.”

You gave him a little smile and before you could say anything he added “You first.”

“This isn't right, Ben.” You desperately wanted him to really think about that story. “What does Ellie think of it?”

As soon as you pronounced the girl's name, Ben turned towards you. “It's over with Ellie, you know that.”

“Yeah, right.” You clicked your tongue and looked away. You heard Ben sighing deeply while trying to put on a leather jacket.

“Y/N, what happened—”

“Forget about it, Ben”, You quickly interrupted him, and you couldn't help but chuckle when you heard him swearing under his breath while struggling with the collar.

You stood up and walked towards him, driving away his hands as he sighed deeply. You gently fixed the collar of the jacket and you could feel his green eyes staring at you. “Are you?” His voice was low and your bodies were so close that you could easily smell his cologne.

“What?” You raised your gaze to meet his and it was like receiving a punch in the stomach. You missed the intimacy you had but you also knew it was all a lie.

“Dating someone else.”

You bit your lower lip at his words, looking away from him and taking a step back. The odds were in your favour and before you could answer him, the door swung open.

“Aaron called.” Callie entered the room followed by Ben's manager, Emma, and extended you your phone.

“And?” You unlocked it just to make sure there were no unread texts.

“And I told him you were already doing the interview. Now let's talk about serious things.”

“Who's Aaron?” Ben asked, stepping in the conversation.

“Y/N's costar in Moulin Rouge.” By hearing Callie's words Ben looked at you and by the look in his eyes and the way his features tensed up, you could tell he'd misunderstood everything. Still, you said nothing to make things clear.

The super fast meeting in the dressing room didn't go as you expected and that's why, an hour later, you were leaning against Ben's arm, which was placed on the back of the sofa.

That's the reason why Lucy was looking at you in disbelief— if stares could kill Ben'd be already dead. She was assisting at the interview from behind the scenes – you'd been divided in two groups and casually you ended up in the same group as Ben and Joe.

“What's your favorite Queen song that hasn't been included in the movie?”

Ben clicked his tongue at the interviewer's question while you exchanged a look with Joe. “I still haven't seen the final cut 'cause I haven't been able to do it – is '39 included?”, Ben asked the two of you.

You limited yourself to shake your head 'no' and Joe murmured “No, it isn't.”

Ben pursed his lips and have you a quick look before looking back at the man sitting right in front of you. “I'd say '39, then. We had a lot of fun while filming it – we played it in Japan and that for me was one of my favorite days of filming.”

You tried to stay focused on his words but it wasn't easy at all given that his body was pressed against yours. Your left shoulder was leaning against his chest and your thigh was right against his.

You focused back on the interview when the man called your name. “What's yours, Y/N?”

“Uhm – I'd say It's late. It's a song written by Brian and I've loved it since the very first time I've heard it. Love the meaning, the tune, the guitar solo... everything.” The interviewer seemed to be satisfied with your answer and he proceeded to ask Joe the same question.

You lifted your chin yo meet Ben's eyes – you were terrified. That was your first interview ever and you were bloody nervous about it. Ben noticed it by the look in your eyes and he gently squeezed your shoulder, giving you a tight smile. Despite everything that happened between you two, you were grateful to have him by your side.

July 13th, 2018 - New York

“I swear, it's just a few blocks away.” Joe's words came muffled from the phone as he tried to convince you to have lunch together.

“Joe I swear to God that if I have to walk—"

“Oh, c'mon! Trust me!”

“You sighed, giving a quick look at the traffic light – red light, of course. You loved the atmosphere that characterised New York. Everyone seemed busy, lost in their own thoughts and minding their own business. Not to mention the incredible buildings that surrounded you.

You missed London like the desert misses the rain but you wouldn't complain if you had to move to the Big Apple.

“Okay, fine.” How could you say no to Joe? You heard him saying something in an excited tone but you didn't pay attention to him — you'd gotten the notification that Ben was trying to call you.

“Joe, gotta go.” You didn't like to interrupt people while they were talking but you weren't much sensible when it came to Ben.

“Why?”, He protested. As soon as the traffic light became green you hurried to walk across the street.

You took a deep breath, telling him the first lie that came to your mind. “Aaron's calling me, I'm late for rehearsal.” You we're starting to become a proper liar, geez.

After promising him to meet him in a few hours, you hung up and called back Ben. Three blasts later, he picked up the phone. “Hey, love.”

“Y/N”, You corrected him. He had no right to call you that. Not after everything that happened.

“Hey, Y/N”, He repeated as if he was mocking you and you sighed deeply.

“Hi, Benjamin. Hey, excuse me! Watch where you're going.” A mid-aged lady had hit you and you had almost lost your balance in the middle of the street.

“What?” Ben was clearly confused and amused at the same time by your words.

“Sorry, that wasn't for you.” You noticed the theatre in the distance and you slightly smiled, feeling the adrenaline that only the stage gave you. All the recognitions in Hollywood were nothing compared to the theatre.

“Are you in New York?” You heard a thud and Ben swore under his breath.

“Yeah, I'm going to work. What the hell are you doing?”

“Almost broke my neck – damned wires.” You chuckled and you shook your head in amusement.

The door of the theatre was so heavy that it took you almost a whole minute to open it. “There's a reason for your call or—”

“Uhm...” Ben seemed almost nervous and it made you smile.

You gave a nod to one of the members of the crew and he smiled at you. The sound of your boots echoed in the hallway and the more you approached the stage the more exited you were. “I was thinking...”

“Yeah?”

“I'm gonna be in Italy next week and I've got some time off between a shot and the other.”

“Uh-uh. Hi everyone!”, You said as you entered the backstage room, waving at those presents.

“Would you like to come with me?”, Ben continued. You narrowed your brows at his question while you put away your bag and your jacket.

“To Italy?” His request took you off guard.

“Y/N, rehearsals start in five.” You turned towards Aaron by hearing his words. His dark blonde hair was longer than Ben's, even its shade was very different. He gave you a polite smile and you immediately noticed the laugh lines around his eyes.

“Yeah, coming”, You quickly replied and focused back on Ben as he asked “Was that Adam? Yeah, anyway. To Italy.”

He seemed a bit... annoyed by Aaron? Who knows.

“It's Aaron, Ben.”

“Whatever.”

You shook your head in amusement and sighed deeply. “Listen, Ben. I don't know...”

“Callie told me you won't be working in those days.” Why did he care so much anyway?

“I'll think about it. Gotta go now.”

You heard Ben sighing deeply and you closed your eyes, thinking about his request. Was it really the right thing to do?

And those thoughts led you to your next question. “Why should I accept?” You didn't mean to sound rude or anything but you weren't in a good relationship at the moment. “It's not like we're together or anything.”

Ben stood quiet for a few seconds and you checked if he had hung up. “Just thought it might help us with all that paparazzi-thing.”

It's not like you were expecting a different explanation -- maybe something that involved feelings, y'know -- but man, that hurt.

“Yeah”, You whispered before clearing hour throat. “I— uhm... I'll think about it.” And with that you hung up. After almost a month from when the decision was madeX you still didn't like at all that story about medias and paparazzi. You didn't want to pretend to be someone you weren't, not even when it came to Ben.

July 20th, 2018 - Florence

It was like being free again, after months of oppression. Italy felt like home and being able to visit it to often was a gift.

You raised your chin, your gaze slipping through all the historical monuments around you before focusing back on Brunelleschi's Dome. A masterpiece. And for the first time after days loosing sleep because of it; you didn't regret accepting Ben's proposal.

Ben. He was standing right on the Dome, held by strings for his safety. He was gesturing towards the window and you could barely see him because of the height.

“Pretty scary, huh?” Emma leaned towards you, her words were just whispers as she spoke to you.

“Yeah.” And you were amazed by what a terrific actor Ben was. You already knew that — after all you'd worked with him — but it was nice to see him in another role rather than Roger.

“He never said anything about it but he misses you.” It took you a few seconds to process her words. You moved your gaze to her and she was already staring at you with a brow raised and a mischievous smile on her face.

You limited yourself to give her a nod — you had no idea what to say because the truth was that you bloody missed him too. And Emma knew it. “I can see it in your eyes. You miss him too.”

“I'm still mad at him.” The director gave you two a death stare but Emma didn't seem to care.

“You can be mad at someone and still miss them.” And you wondered if she was right.

When almost half an hour later Ben was done with the filming, he approached you with a big smile. It was like nothing ever happened between the two of you, like if the events of your birthday were long forgotten.

And when he hugged you, holding you tight, all you could see when you closed your eyes and sighed was the look in his eyes when he spotted you right next to Emma. It was so overwhelming that it woke the butterflies in your stomach.

His nose touched your neck and that touch was so gentle that it gave you goosebumps. You held him tighter, smiling at the feeling of his body against yours. “Hey.”

He backed away and now his face was right in front of yours. “Hey. How was the flight?”

“It was good, yeah.” His face was dirty, purposely covered in mud for the filming. But that didn't mean he didn't look handsome as hell.

“You okay? Wanna get some rest?” His concern made you smile and you shook your head 'no' at his question.

“Ben, I'm fine.” His hand slipped through your arm and you took a step back. It wasn't good for you to be this close to him.

“Ben, you're done for the day. Good job, now get some rest.” The director approached him and gave him a pat on the shoulder.

Ben gave him a nod and a polite smile but you stood quiet. He thanked him and when he walked away Ben turned towards against you. “Hope you brought a fancy dress, love.”

“Y/N”, You corrected him almost immediately, creating a bit of tension between you two. A corner of Ben's lips lifted in an amused smile and you bit your lower lip when he grabbed your hand, making his way through the rest of the cast.

“And why's that?”

“Because,” He gave you a quick look from above his shoulder. “We are going out tonight.”

You heard the clicks of the cameras even before noticing the flashlights — they weren't there when you'd gotten to the set but now the square was full of paparazzi and their eyes were all on you and Ben.

He noticed how uncomfortable you were, probably because you tightened the grip on his hand, and he gave you a soft smile. “We're almost there, Y/N. Don't mind them. Focus on me.” And found that was even harder than avoiding the paparazzi.

That night you wore the fanciest dress you'd bought with you and you'd put your hair up with a simple hair-stick. Even though you weren't together; you still wanted to impress him.

When he knocked on the door of your hotel room you'd just finished getting ready. You weren't surprised to see him wearing all black but sure as hell you were surprised when you movies he was holding a red rose.

“Hey, love.” And probably for the first time in months you didn't correct him – maybe because he's caught you off guard, maybe because you didn't want to.

Your cheeks turned rose when you felt his gaze slipping through your body before locking his green eyes back on yours. “You're... stunning. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Sexy.”

“Whoa”, You murmured with a soft laugh. You bit the inside of your cheek at his words and looked away from him while taking the rise. “You look good, too.” You gave him a little smile before bringing the rose close to your nose – you loved the smell of flowers.

And the look Ben gave you, brought you back to when he was almost yours. You missed his touch, the feeling of his lips on yours, the way he made you feel. You missed Ben, and Emma was bloody right about it.

“Wait”, He murmured when you closed the door behind you, taking a step towards him in the hallway. He took off the hair-stick and your hair fell on your shoulders. You gave him a questioning look and he murmured with an apologetic smile “I like your hair down. You look pretty.” And your heart went whoosh.

Ben had reserved a table in the private area of a fancy Italian restaurant and the atmosphere was almost overwhelming. It was looking out over the River Arno with the unforgettable view of the Ponte Vecchio – that's what Ben told you while pouring some wine.

“It's so posh.” Ben gave you a quick look and you gave him a tight smile. You were starting to relax again with him and you loved what he was doing for you. No one ever did something like that before.

“Is it, huh?” You hit your lower lip while trying not to chuckle at the look he gave you.

You were almost afraid to bring up the subject but that didn't stop you from saying “And what does Ellie think about this situation?”

“Y/N.” He sighed deeply and gave you the 'seriously? again?' look.

“What?”

He placed his elbows on the table and leaned towards you, a mischievous smile lighting up how beautiful face. “And what does Adam think of it?”

“It's Aaron.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

You pursed your lips and exhaled deeply, giving him a little smile. “Aaron and I are not together.” Not that you owed him any explanation.

“Neither are Ellie and I.” You narrowed your eyes at his words and temporarily decided to believe him while taking a sip of wine. And you were grateful to him when he switched the sickest of the conversation. “How's Broadway?”

You thought about it and it took you a few seconds to find the proper answer. “Exhausting.”

Ben seemed interested in your stories about Broadway and you carefully avoided to mention Aaron while updating him. And you chatted basically for the entire night, between a dish and the other.

And almost two hours later, you'd moved the conversation to the small terrace looking out over the river. Your elbows were resting on the railing as you took a draw of his cigarette. “Promotional tour starts on Monday.”

“In London, right?” His tone was just as low as yours and it felt like a moment of intimacy. You extended him the cig without saying anything at first, taking your time to reply.

“Yeah.” You gave him a quick look with the corner of your eyes and then you looked away. How could you face the entire tour without Ben by your side?

You heard him sighing and he turned towards you so you raised your gaze to meet his. “You're so beautiful tonight.”

You shook your head, almost begging him to stop. “Whatever we are— Y/N, I still remember the way we were. And I miss you.” He took a step towards you and as much as you didn't want to, you did it too.

What the hell you were doing? You were supposed to stay away from him.

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[xoruffitup]

Burn This 7/14: Final Show Recap

Burn This is over and I’m a mess of feels. This play has gifted me with four solid months of incredible performances, late NYC nights with friends both new and old I will treasure forever, and short but beautiful moments of dreams coming true at stage door. The final performance was overwhelming, hysterical, and oh so bittersweet. 

First – A conclusive update about the letter book! After Adam didn’t come out to stage door on Friday or Saturday (understandable tbh because both nights had giant, rowdy crowds), the crowd was absolutely MASSIVE on Sunday after the last matinee. People were pushing, crowding, yelling Adam’s name and it was absolute madness. When Adam got down to me, the crowd was literally pushing in from every angle and there were about ten people reaching their Playbills out to him around my head, but I just started talking. Given the manic atmosphere I only had time to get out something like: “I’ve seen the show several times and had incredible dialogues about it. This is a collection of messages from people about what the show meant to them.” Adam literally could not stop moving or else the crowd would have caged him in, but he looked back at me, still listening, and when one of the security guys took the book Adam looked straight at me to acknowledge and thank me! Both he and the security guard assured me it would get to him. I didn’t get to explain it fully but I think he understood what it was and the book will speak for itself!

This is the cover I made for the collection:

You can see me hand over the white laminated book right at the beginning of this video, and Adam look back to say thank you. 

My friend next to me also took this video where he looks back at me for half a second :’D And gives a tiny smile! (in the middle of that pandemonium, poor bb) 

Let me quickly say a big THANK YOU to everyone who contributed. <3 After that insane crowd at stage door, those wholesome, thoughtful messages about his work in this play would be the perfect remedy. Thank you so much to all of you for taking the time to write out appreciation for everything he gives us. :’)

NOW, the show!

Okay so firstly, the downside: I was NOT impressed by the audience. A lot of people seemed to have seen the show before (not that I’m judging, clearly) but were laughing CONSTANTLY at everything Adam did. To the point where you couldn’t even hear his lines half the time, and the audience failed to grow appropriately somber in the moments when he falls apart. Not a very courteous audience at all.

But the cast!!!! There were some poignant moments when it really seemed to be their real emotions coming through, bleeding into the way they played certain scenes. During the infamous, always-entertaining exchange in Act 2 while Adam’s sitting on the couch in the robe asking “Who’s the apple and who’s the orange? You never had an apple tart glazed with orange marmalade?” I SWEAR there was a second where that grin was all him, having an absolute ball of a time. When he said “who’s the orange?” he literally kicked his feet up like an overexcited little kid and it was THE. PUREST.

Okay so in the interest of remembering as much as I can, I’ll go in order from the beginning!

First, a bit of textual analysis. Every time I see the play, I’m struck by how incongruous the first twenty minutes seem in comparison to the rest. I know that’s on purpose, because Pale’s entrance is very much supposed to shake up and tear into Anna’s world with pure chaos – turning everything on its head. But knowing everything that’s going to come after, all the lofty discussion in that first scene about myths and epic love tropes all seems terribly self-aware. It’s more than foreshadowing. It literally seems to be a self-narrating framing device for everything that’s about to follow after:

“The wives of the sailors out at sea. The women waiting for years and the men never coming back. What sustains them through loss? Through pain? I think they felt things in a more profound way.”

Robbie is never coming back, and Anna is searching for something inside herself – some feeling – in order to push through this mess of grief and frustration that she can’t make sense of even to herself. She has a shell around herself at the beginning, and nothing to break through it or guide her way; no direction.

“The Flying Dutchman – Senta throwing herself into the sea to save the Dutchman from perdition.” (I mean come on – In this story Senta literally “has this boyfriend hanging around” getting in the way of the epic love and this couldn’t be more meta if it tried.)

Knowing what’s to come, it’s striking that Anna doesn’t seem to realize she is the real subject of conversation here, not Burton’s lofty novel ideas. Even a mere ten minutes after she recounted the funeral where she swore she was expected to “throw herself over the casket” – she doesn’t seem to relate herself to the story about Senta hurling herself into a watery grave because of the love and loss of a man.

In some performances, I think Anna is closed off because she’s purposely trying to avoid such a fate for herself. After losing Robbie, she doesn’t want to “sacrifice herself” through deep connection to another person ever again – Not even to Robbie’s memory as she refuses to give in and confront her grief. And hence her resistance to starting a real relationship with Pale. In other performances, it seems that she’s genuinely blind to the walls she has put up around both herself and her own emotions. You can see the walls in her physical body language – How she always seems to be sitting in defensive, closed-off positions when Burton tries to get near her. (Contrast that with how she literally wraps herself around Pale while he’s crying on that same couch later.)

Anyway, I just find it incredibly cool that what at first seems to be snobby, “arty” (to take Pale’s word) aimless talk at the beginning is actually all the characters indirectly reflecting on everything that’s about to happen to them – to Anna, particularly. This same exact self-examination resumes in the first lines of Act 2, when Anna finishes reading Burton’s draft script.

“It’s so sad.” “I thought they were having fun.” “But beneath it all, they’re so lonely.”

There it is – The deceptively simple three lines that sum up the entire play and spell out the tragic beauty of Pale and Anna’s relationship.

OKAY I’ll stop with the analysis now. On to the details everyone cares about!

So when Adam charged out, holy shit his voice sounded SHOT. It took a good few minutes for his yelling to warm up enough for his voice to stop sounding completely hoarse. It clearly cracked a few times and I just wanted to brew him some tea. (A pot, of course, because a cup wouldn’t even be economical…)

But by around the time he got to my favorite, side-splitting monologue about imagining you’re a tree and you get made into toilet paper or money to get passed around or parchment for a restaurant or music paper for the Boss to write on… but either way you end up drifting down to get stuck in some Saudi Arabian oil tank propellers. (Bending down and spinning his arms like propellers and cue me absolutely falling apart each and every time.) …. His voice finally sounded fine by then! :D

I’ve forgotten to write this in previous posts, but in plays I always LOVE moments when the actors come right to the front of the stage and just stand there for a long moment, wordless and motionless, just staring out into the theatre without really seeing anything, lost in the gravity of their own emotion. Keri has a moment like this before Pale’s entrance (I think when she says, “I thought everything important to the future of dance was going to happen in this room.”) Adam has his moment while Anna is talking about Robbie’s dancing, how good he was and how Pale would have liked it. Adam just stares out into infinity for a long moment, while it demands physical effort from him in order to take in what Anna’s saying. He doesn’t smile while he says, “You saw him and say he was good. I never saw him and I know he was shit.” His long moment of stillness here – finally facing the audience in close proximity and unnerving silence (a striking moment after he spent the last fifteen minutes raging around the stage and often having his back to the audience) is when you can see the very beginning of him unraveling. This is when he starts to plateau – tumbling from his coked-up high into a dark, helpless pit that cleaves him clean through.

After bitching about his pants getting ruined and putting his leg up on the sofa to show Anna, he did the most RIDICULOUS twirl this time! After slowly lifting his leg over the table, never breaking eye contact with her once, he then did this slow, melodramatic twirl - complete with extended ballet fingers and everything. It was nothing short of glorious.

After he kneeled down and screamed, he rose completely shattered. I don’t think I’ve ever heard his voice so devastated with sobs and tears – to the point where you could barely understand him. “No, I don’t do this. This ain’t me” sounded like he was begging desperately, but had no idea what for. There are a lot of stunning things Adam does in this play, but rising and sinking and rising again through these completely polar opposite, all-consuming emotional states within the span of twenty minutes has to be the most incredible. He truly embodies the transformations with his entire body – The way he paces around aggressively then helplessly, the way he spends long, silent minutes simply rubbing at the same place on his chest in pain, the way he doubles over as the brunt of his grief settles upon him like a crushing physical weight. The way he channels his very physicality to embody menacing one moment, then vulnerable and helpless the next. It’s just nothing short of breathtaking and awe-inspiring.

Okay okay, after he drops the hilarious bomb out of nowhere: “You know you got no tits at all.” And when the exchange ends with “It makes a man want to look, see how much there is” – Afterwards he just looks over at her with this hilarious, seedy smirk that was GOLD. Almost like “so is this hapless seduction working????”

Watching the couch kissing scene was, again, like being seduced yourself. He just stares at her for such a long moment before finally leaning in for it. She knows what he’s thinking – she knows what he’s going to do, and she’s completely mesmerized by the intensity of his single-minded focus; even as his hand reaches out for that gentle, tentative brush along her hair. Making sure she really wants this before he slides into it.

And then…. God, the way he delivered the lines that are some of my favorites: “Let’s start the engines real slow here. Go halfway to the city, stop for something to eat. You’ll find there’s times I’m a real good listener.”

jsdfjadlj his voice is so soft and deep, while he’s looking at her so intently, almost communicating the words with his gaze alone. He speaks so slowly and purposefully. The words themselves might be flippant in the double entendre, but there’s a sincerity behind them that wraps itself around your heart completely. You can see it wrap itself around Anna, as she falls into him completely. Every single person in the audience would probably do the exact same.

When he leaves the next morning, it never fails to make the audience crack up how he just waltzes out the door with no great to-do as he calls “Alright people, I’m outta here!”

CLASSIC.

Act 2:

After Burton flips him onto the floor and keeps yelling at him, the way Pale just rolls away onto his side and goes “Good night” all mischievous and cutesy asldfjsadlkfj. And then “Good night, Bruce!” after Burton finally leaves.

Other honorable mentions from this scene:

Pale, from offstage: What the fuck do you know?! Larry: Hmm… what do I know? That’s one of those questions you don’t know whether to answer with hubris or humility.

“Who’s Bruce Lee?!”

After Anna and Larry left the room, Pale’s fighting with his coat was extra aggressive this time. He was basically windmilling his arms as he repeatedly yanked at the back of the jacket until finally flipping it up and off and over his head.

Okay okay so I know I already talked at the beginning about the robe scene but I swear this one was EXTRA delightful. He was just grinning and cheesing all over the place at his own cleverness with the “hat trick” joke. Looking SO pleased with himself and just infuriatingly adorable for a giant brickhouse of a man in a stupid purple kimono I mean wtf!!!!

Oh and right before that! When he brought Anna the cup of tea after sabotaging her phone call with Burton and then hiding his face behind the robe sleeve all coyly, he was extra sweet about it this time :3 After handing her the mug he kissed her twice on the forehead, then just stared for a second at her grumpy face before kissing her on the nose too. (!) Then he proceeds to do the cute thing where he tucks her hair behind her ear while asking, “You want some eggs?”

Even when Anna shuts him down, the way he went over to sit on the couch, picked up his tea, then gave these awkward looks to both Anna and Larry like “welp, guess we’re all sitting together now” was sO funny. How the man can deliver such comedic effect without saying a word is beyond me.

Then, Anna starts to blow up at him. When she delivers the final, most devastating blows of “I have nothing for you. I don’t like you, and I’m frightened of you” – I’ve taken to watching Adam as the blows land. He stands there completely still and his face barely moves, and yet there’s this unmistakable, silent devastation about him. The man’s been called the “King of micro expressions” for a damn good reason. This time, after several long moments of tense, pregnant silence – He just did this minute shake of his head as he looked right at Anna. Even for all her anger, he still doesn’t really believe that she means what she’s saying. But that tiny shake of his head spoke volumes. It was almost disapproving, almost pitying, maybe a touch frustrated. While in previous performances he often seemed to be completely crushed – all spark drained from him; There was this bare, subtle moment of disbelief and lingering defiance. Disbelief that Anna was really deluding herself so thoroughly. He is so sure in this scene – while he’s telling her she’s not really afraid of him, she’s only afraid of caring and feeling something – that she feels the exact same way he does. He’s sure their connection is on equal terms; just like he’s sure it’s the only honest, true thing in either of their lives. And in this performance, rather than being crushed by Anna denying it all, he seemed more upset on her account – That she wasn’t letting her walls down to let the truth in, as he already has.

That^ is Adam Driver’s talent, ladies and gentleman. I literally just wrote a whole paragraph about one barely-perceptible nod. Damn. Okay. Give me a second here to pick up the pieces of my feels.

Okay, so I have detail-level and meta-level thoughts on the final scene from yesterday. Detail-level first: Last night was the only time I’ve ever heard Adam deliver the “That was me and you up there” line softly and earnestly, rather than pitching it into a teasing joke with “me and youuuuu up there.” Instead, he kept the tone of the scene gentle and almost timid. I adore in this scene the way he asks her about her dance piece. How at first, he’s not there for himself or even for the idea of them together. He tells her how much he enjoyed the piece, and when he says that he knew it was Robbie – that he could see Robbie in it – there is no greater or more moving praise Anna could receive. Nothing could mean more to her in this moment.

This scene is so quietly gorgeous, and it was simply spellbinding yesterday in how the tone remained so tender all the way through. Throughout the entire scene, the two of them mirrored each other with absolute perfection. A large part of that is because you can tell these are two actors who’ve been playing off each other for months and developed such keen awareness of each other’s physicality and tiniest displays of body language. Even in the way they stand at opposite sides of the stage at first – It’s like they’re tied together by invisible threads. They face each other directly – neither turned away or trying to hide – and when one moves, the other seems to respond exactly the same way. It continues once they sit down together to burn the note. From the way they sit beside each other to watch it burn, to the way they slowly turn towards each other and draw together, they move in perfect harmony and symmetry. They are tuned into each other simply effortlessly and it’s so satisfying and beautiful to watch.

At a higher scene level: It’s so lovely how different this scene feels in comparison to their explosive earlier scenes. (One with sexual energy and another with an angry fight.) There’s this feeling of undeniable rightness and ahhfinallyrelief when they’re back together for this final scene. And as they talk about Robbie through Anna’s dance piece, everything feels different. It feels peaceful for the first time, even a touch reverent as they speak with a shared understanding of each other’s loss that no one else in the whole world could take part in. While earlier in the play, discussion of their shared feelings of loss led to negative acts of self-destruction, aggressive frustration, or self-denial; this time there is finally the feeling that these two can come together and create something positive out of the loss they’ve shared. Thanks to what Pale unlocked in her, Anna’s feelings of loss that were once so unbearable she could not even face the honest thought of it, now became the fuel for an act of creation she’s been striving for her whole life. And the fact that Pale made time to come see it; the fact that he appears in her apartment and can voice so precisely her same sentiments that went into the piece – It means they’ve finally reached a place together where their connection becomes a source of creation and positive beginnings.

Adam does such beautiful acting in this scene. “I don’t know what to do with myself here. I’m 36. I’ve got a wife, two kids…” He paused here, and when he spoke again his voice quavered with feeling that simply overflowed, “I ain’t never felt anything like this.”

One of my favorite images from the whole play is when they both silently sit together on the couch, watching the note burn away in the ashtray together.

(For the first time, I thought back to Act 1 when Pale cryptically answers Anna’s question about what he does with “I’m a roving fireman. I put out fires. Sometimes… just let it burn.” In this case, perhaps this fiery thing between them would be safer if it were put out. But they watch the flames dance and dwindle together, and the warmth and light slowly growing between them is something neither of them have the will to put out.)

And then, that touching, movingly desperate final moment. After “I don’t want this” / “I don’t want it too” – when Anna sinks into his arms and he hurriedly gathers every bit of her in his lap and in his arms that he can fit. He clutches her like she’s part of his very being, rocks her, and reaches up to smooth her hair back so he can kiss her head. His voice breaks again when he confesses, “I didn’t expect nothing like this.” Another moment of desperately holding each other, until Pale half-sobs in helpless apology, “I’m gonna cry all over your hair.”

Every single time, the way Adam says it delivers a swift, sweet blow straight through the heart. Honestly, I would do anything to relive that wrenching heartache again. <33

It’s been an incredible run. I miss the show already, but I couldn’t be happier with the moving, magnificent nights I spent in the Hudson Theatre. Thank you to Adam and the whole cast for touching so many of us every night with this beautiful play. :’’) It has been such a thrilling, joyful ride!

-Until Adam’s next play!!! :)

#Adam Driver #Burn This #Burn This Broadway #driverdaily

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Though I know I should be wary

Still I venture someplace scary

Ghostly haunting I turn loose.

Betelgeuse.

BETELGEUSE.

Psycho Analysis: Betelgeuse

“It’s showtime.”

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Here he is, the ghost with the most, the bio-exorcist extraordinaire, the spook who has lived through the Black Plague (and had a pretty good time during it) and who has seen The Exorcist about a hundred and sixty-seven times (and it keeps getting funnier every time he sees it)! From the Tim Burton movie of almost the same name – his name is actually spelled like the star in the constellation of Orion, not like what the movie and the cartoon’s title says it is – Betelgeuse is one hell of a guy, an undead menace like no other. Between the performance from none other than Michael Keaton (which is not surprising since the guy was more of a comedic actor prior to Batman, which this film came out before) and the direction and style granted to him by Tim Burton in his prime, Betelgeuse has cemented himself as one of the most delightfully enjoyable jackasses in fiction.

Actor: I want to believe this is what convinced Tim Burton to cast Michael Keaton as Batman. In fact, I like to imagine this movie is why anyone casts Michael Keaton in anything, ever. Birdman? Spider-Man: Homecoming? Minions? All because of his performance here. He’s clearly having a blast, and he fills Betelgeuse with the sort of insane, depraved manic energy a sleazy undead conman should have. Keaton has apparently said this is his favorite role and he’s down to do the sequel if it ever gets out of development hell, and if he can still provide the same wacky performance as he did back in ‘88 I think we have nothing to fear. He is the glue that holds this film together along with Danny Elfman’s score. Case in point: most of Keaton’s lines were ad libbed. Think of all the hilarious deliveries, dialogue, and jokes that BJ spits out, and think if there had been someone else playng him. I don’t know if anyone else could have come up with anything funnier.

Motivation/Goals: Betelgeuse really seems like an agent of chaos, just doing what he does because it seems fun to him. He is just so gleeful about the prospects of killing people on the job, and he gleefully torments the Maitlands even while they ask for his help, sexually harassing Barbara at every turn and just being a real creep. Later in the film, he implies he really wants to get out of being undead, and so tries to coerce Lydia into releasing him, even forcing her to marry him in return for help freeing the Maitlands from accidentally being exorcised. 

Really, the guy just likes to cause a ruckus. It’s not really expanded upon in the movie, and he’s just played up as a hilariously creepy jerkwad, but apparently the musical adaptation expands on why he does what he does. As far as the movie goes, though... yeah. He’s just a jerk. A really, really funny jerk.

Personality: Betelgeuse is like a sleazy used car salesman cranked up to eleven. He’s motormouthed, he’s unpleasant, he’s sleazy, he’s perverted, and he’s an incredible jerkass… and yet, you just can’t help but love the guy, because Keaton’s energy just shines through and makes him a jerkass in a lovable sort of way. It’s sort of the same principle as Gaston; he’s just so cartoonishly, hilariously over-the-top in how much of a pig he is that you can’t help but enjoy him, especially since he does get his just desserts in the end.

Final Fate: Betelgeuse tries to force Lydia into marriage, and poofs away the Maitlands to make sure they don’t say his name. But this backfires spectacularly: shrinking Adam allows him to drive a toy car into Betelgeuse’s foot, casuing him to drop the ring before he can seal the deal with Lydia, and poofing Barabara out onto the surface of Venus only serves to allow her to wrangle the Sand worm and have it crash through the roof and eat him alive. And then when Betelgeuse gets stuck in the waiting room, he ends up between the man with a shrunken head and the witch doctor who did it to him, and after stealing the witch doctor’s number, Betelgeuse finally is able to get a little head… just probably not in the sense he’d have liked it.

Best Scene: Once he says “It’s showtime,” all bets are off, and he really delivers on his promises to help the Maitlands. It’s actually kind of shocking that he holds up his ends of the bargains he makes; maybe people wouldn’t try and screw him out of his end of the deal if he wasn’t such a raging perverted jackass.

Best Quote: The guy is just a fountain of quality quotes, particularly when he rattles off his qualifications. But I really have to give it to one line, a line that absolutely baffles me as to how it made it into a PG rated film, which Betelgeuse says after kicking over a tree in the town model:

“NICE FUCKING MODEL!”  This is then followed by him grabbing his crotch with cartoonish honking noises. It’s incredible.

Final Thoughts & Score: It’s really hard for me to not call this the definitive Michael Keaton performance, as far as comedies go anyway. He is just really throwing himself into to the role and having an absolute blast with it; there’s not a single moment with him that feels forced or tired, he’s just constantly putting all his effort into making this ghastly slimeball a likable antagonist, and boy does it pay off. To this day, Betelgeuse is a beloved and iconic character in Tim Burton’s filmography, to the point where the guy got his own cartoon show which is in and of itself considered a beloved cult classic. And as if that wasn’t enough, he got his own musical! It takes a special kind of villain to score a big musical gig; just ask a certain green witch.

The thing is, there isn’t much to analyze in the way of character here; he’s really just the way it is because it’s funny. The movie is a dark comedy, after all (though not the darkest comedy starring Winona Ryder that came out in ‘88). Hell, I think the most interesting thing to glean from him is how his most popular outfit, the one he wears all the time in the cartoon and is on everything from the posters to DVD cover, is actually only worn by him for about five minutes of screentime, with the rest of his appearances featuring him in what appears to be ratty, nasty old pajamas. I think part of why the stripey outfit became his signature style is because not only does it look cool, but he wears it for his big moment when he frees the Maitlands and really lets loose.

The other interesting thing to glean from Betelgeuse is how despite being a nasty, horrible person, you just can’t help but love the guy. He’s just so darn funny! Like I mentioned before, I think it is because in a lot of ways, he is like Gaston, who is the poster child for toxic masculinity. Betelgeuse is a slimy sexual harasser, he has no sense of personal space, and he tries to force a young woman to marry him; in real life, this guy would be a vomit-inducing psychopath who people would rightfully want hung out to dry, but here, in this film, he’s hilarious. I think that, much like Gaston, it’s the energy and fun pf the performance, and at least here with Betelgeuse it has to do with how utterly cartoonish he is and how everyone around him has the intended reactions. And, of course, he never really wins, even if he does cause a lot of mischief along the way.

I think Betelgeuse is the sort of magical jackass more fantasy films should aspire to have; there really aren’t many characters worth mentioning who are in the same vein as good ol’ BJ. With that in mind, I think he deserves a 10/10. I think he’s one of Tim Burton’s finest creations, the most lovable of rogues, a truly impressive phantom menace, and he really holds the film together. I long for the day when Michael Keaton’s dream comes true, and they finally make Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian or whatever other absurd concept they would do for a sequel if they decide not to got with Tim’s joke script.

All I can say for sure is: boy am I glad Burton and Keaton changed this from a straightforward horror film into a dark comedy, because I’m not sure I’d like to live in the universe where Betelgeuse was legitimately evil and tried to rape Lydia. Yes, this was really what the film’s original script was like. It just goes to show that sometimes it’s better to be funny than it is to be scary.

#Psycho Analysis #Betelgeuse #Beetlejuce #Beetle Juice #Michael Keaton #Tim Burton

[escapist-experience]

Claudia Toman - Hexendreimaldrei

I read Hexendreimaldrei, the first part of the Olivia Kenning trilogy from Austrian author Claudia Toman as part of my German reading challenge. The book was published by the Diana Verlag in 2009 and is only available in German. I have very mixed feelings about the book. It was a weird ride where moments of fun and intriguing details alternated with shock over the sexist generalisations, annoyance over poorly solved plot difficulties and eye rolling over the clumsily used plot device characters. The story doesn’t work for me because I could not emotionally connect with the Olivia, or understand her motivation for half of the things she does in this book. The narration gives you coincidence upon coincidence to solve the plot problems. The lack of foreshadowing removes the fun part from the detective/investigation quest: the guessing and dissecting the text if an offhand remark contains a clue. Spoilers after the text break. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The things that I didn’t like (or annoyed me a lot): 1.The “this-all-was-just-a-dream” trope 2.The pop culture references that do not add value to the story. It already has a strong fairy tale and classic literary influence, heaping the pop culture references on top is an overkill and creates a cheapo gimmick-y effect. 3.The classic literary references work better, but I had the feeling they were just included randomly to fill the plot holes. It bothered me particularly in the last conflict scene with the main antagonist where Olivia defeats Lady Grey by citing from a Shakespeare play. 4.Explaining how a seemingly insurmountable problem can be easily solved by jumping back in time and explaining that a secondary character who is Olivia’s friend happens to be an expert in the field that is necessary to solve it. The readily available sodoku and literary expert friend? Randomly talking to the hotel receptionist who happens to be a Shakespeare specialist-slash-amateur-actor? Walking into the first esoteric shop and just telling a complete stranger something that a. sounds insane b. could get you in trouble with the organisation you are trying to infiltrate? Build these up first, often a few lines or comments in advance are enough. 5.The frequent jumps between the different timelines make the story difficult to follow. This is made even worse by the above-mentioned issue with jumping back in time to provide explanation that is needed in the present timeline. 6.The plot is based on the idea that a woman, on the wedding of the man she is love with makes a wish that surprisingly becomes true: the man is transformed into a frog. The fact that anyone in a such situation would wish exactly that is not plausible for me (Wish that he marries you instead? Wish that you are not in love with them?). I realise this is the “This is magic, silly!” moment where I should suspend my disbelief. I’m trying, I promise but it’s hard. 6. The protagonist is completely sure that the Pianist (or the Prince as the text often refers to him) is Mr Right for her based on the following three factors: • He has emerald green eyes • He composes and plays music that the heroine finds deeply touching • He is a foreigner and “frenchy” I find it alarming that Olivia becomes so quickly so obsessed with the Pianist because they barely speak a few words at all before she decides to marry him at the earliest possibility. I know this book is heavily influenced by different elements of the Princess and the Frog fairy tale but even so. At least give us a few scenes where we see them bonding. I can’t care about the relationship that is just built on a few sketch-like scenes from the Sex and the City and sweeping generalisations. It made me sad that Olivia went through so much pain to please the Pianist and it’s clear the aside from being physically attracted to him, she doesn’t have a good time in his company. She is constantly worried about her appearance. She even prepares topics and interesting things to tell him. This is not a romance book; Olivia and the Pianist prince don’t end up together. Yet, seducing and getting back (rescuing) him is the one and only motivation for Olivia in the entire story. 7.The ”Get a life already woman” syndrome. There is an entire chapter where Olivia doesn’t do anything else than waits for The Pianist to call. When does she work? Is there really nothing else in her life? There is a point where the narrator refers to being single as an “unfortunately fashionable thing lately”. Olivia is characterised as a stereotypical single woman who has a cat, a few female friends to order take out and sip prosecco with and who is desperate to find a partner. This is so sexist and limiting that I cannot even… Which brings me to the next two points. 8. The clumsy, whiny, self-deprecating to the point of self-abuse female lead is desperately (and irrevocably) in love with the mysterious and perfect male lead she spoke with twice when they exchanged like 10 words (Bella Swann syndrome). The clumsiness is used as device to advance the plot and get the male lead’s attention: Olivia falls over, knocks down, drops or loses things, gets drunk and is incapable to use simple tools and devices. The same incapable and helpless character doesn’t even break a sweat why infiltrating aa secret organisation of dangerous magicians. 9. Most characters are the caricatures of themselves: the coffeeshop owner, the hotel receptionist, Olivia’s both friends even the Pianist. They just embody a few generalisations (some of which are sexist and heteronormative) and any other characteristic that the plot needs. 10. Revealing one of the characters is a ghost by the ghost sending a letter to Olivia thus providing all the hints she needs to solve the last hurdle before the climax of the book. 11. Johnny Depp references. The book was published in 2009 so the author could not have known but it is still unpleasant. An additional reason why I’d leave out the contemporary references. They don’t tend to age well anyway. 12.Shakespeare statue / ghost. Each time it appeared it had different abilities: 1. triggered in the Leicester Park with the ring and by Olivia directly addressing him 2. telepathic communication between Olivia and the ghost (or ghost animated statue) 3. the statue just comes by on the Picadilly Circus to give a magic object to Olivia It irked me that it was just there to give you a Shakespeare quote and whatever else served the plot. 13.Every single time I thought the book cannot get any weirder it just did. To be honest this wasn’t always unpleasant. Like I said, I have very mixed feelings. There were a few golden (pun intended) moments and details that I liked (and a few I loved): 1.The idea of the Everycat and everything about the Everycat. 2.The boss-witch Hekate looks like Olivia’s older version. This is intriguing enough that I want to read the second part of the book just because of this (and the Everycat). 3.Hathor’s characterisation and unflappableness (totally a word, I looked it up). It would have been even more intriguing if she is not the Greatest Magician but some proxy of hers who will lead to her in, say, the next book? 4.I’d have liked to see Noel’s character in action. I mean magic action. I understand the authorial intent was to remove a mentor figure so Olivia could go her own way, but still. Now that he is outed as ghost I’m afraid we will never see him do anything exiting. And what did Shakespeare do to piss of the witches? 5.The Frog-prince-pianist was so whiny and mansplained and always assumed the worse. I’m not sure if that was the intent, but I found it hilarious. The frog-ness getting worse with time was also a good touch. 6.Witch rules: every witch must have a cat and witches cannot love. Both are interesting choices and have consequences in the worldbuilding that I’d like to know more about. How did Hathor get out of it? She used to be a witch but she is not a one anymore. How do you un-witch yourself? What if you are allergic to cats? 7.You can only find one golden ball in your life. It makes me wonder what will happen with the golden ball in the next books. It sounds like destiny or fate calling. How will Olivia end up being Hekate (is it her from the future?). 8.The reveal that Olivia is a witch (guessed it when she first looks into the mirror in Hathor’s shop) but it was still cool. I would have liked if her reaction to the news is explored more in detail, if the narrative shows if she thinks about it later. 9.The first scene is Olivia sitting on a toilet in a church. Quite an unusual choice and it was a good way of immediately setting the reader into the “head” of the character. All in all: I would recommend the book if you enjoyed the Bridget Jones books/ movies and the Da Vinci code. The narrative contains sexist elements and negative stereotypes of single women so if this is something that disturbs you, give it a pass. I will very likely read the remaining two books of the trilogy out of curiosity, but I would not re-read this book. Ideal present for: *That* aunt that always asks when you are going to get married.

#deutsch #fantasy #fairy tales #trilogy #witchcraft #the princess and the frog #bridget jones #literary references #Shakespeare #Goethe #Keats #Hexendreimaldrei #german #London #Wien

[gazzhowie]

My Top 25 Movies of 2019.

It is indeed time… or at least, as is tradition, it is indeed now overdue for me to dust off the cobwebs from my Tumblr account and post my Top 25 movies of the year.

This time for 2019.

Years 2008 through to present are available in the archive. Frequent visitors know that I’ll throw out a few special mentions to all the films that I wish I could’ve included but couldn’t make them fit yet believe they deserve a shout out regardless and then I get stuck in to what I think are the 25 best films of the year.

As always, films listed are based on their UK release date whether that’s in the cinema or on DVD, VOD etc.

And no, despite several attempts, repeated proclamations on social media AND owning the bloody thing outright for the last 6 months, I still never got round to seeing Ash is The Purest White in time for my self-imposed deadline for this so if you’re here to see that lauded, I will dash your expectations now.

Anyway, without further ado, here’s the ‘also-rans’ and ‘near-misses’ separated per genre that very nearly made the final list:

In terms of comedies, I very much enjoyed The Breaker Upperers, The Favourite, Always Be My Maybe, Mega Time Squad, Good Boys, Brittany Runs a Marathon and – as ultimately disappointing as it turned out to be in comparison to the original – yes, Zombieland: Double Tap.

Dramas I really liked this year were The 12th Man, The Old Man And The Gun, The Man Who Killed Hitler and then Bigfoot, White Boy Rick, Stan & Ollie, Deadwood: The Movie, The Sister Brothers, the first two thirds of Feedback, Hotel Mumbai, The Mule, Shadow, Thunder Road, The Clovehitch Killer, The Nightingale, Destroyer, Vice and, as uncomfortable as it made me, Ray and Liz.

Documentaries I rated highly in 2019 included Leaving Neverland, Free Solo, The Inventor: Out For Blood In Silicon Valley, Divide & Conquer: Roger Ailes and The Amazing Jonathan Documentary.

In terms of horror movies, rather controversially I seem to stand alone in saying I rather liked both Velvet Buzzsaw and The Dead Don’t Die. I also thoroughly enjoyed One Cut of the Dead, Happy Death Day 2 U and In Fabric, the last of which VERY nearly made the final Top 25 cut.

Action movies I was a fan of this year were both Triple Frontier and Triple Threat, The Quake (or The Wave 2: The Quake as it is inexplicably retitled in some countries), We Die Young which features a wordless and stellar Van Damme performance, Furie and Stuber.

On the blockbuster ‘stage’, I fully embraced the absolute utter insanity (or stupidity?) of The Wandering Earth, really liked Shazam! As well as Spiderman: Far From Home and Terminator: Dark Fate. Somewhat controversially, I also had a lot of fun with Jumanji: The Next Level, 6 Underground and Joker (a straight-up masterpiece that last movie most certainly is not!).

Finally, in terms of animation that I liked in 2019 I’d pay mention to How To Train Your Dragon 3, The Lego Movie 2 and Toy Story 4 – the last two being very likeable but totally unnecessary. And of course, Klaus which was a lovely, moving, visual joy that me and my family will return to a lot over the years.

Now… onto that Top 25:

25. BOOKSMART

I really loved this first time I saw it earlier this year. I found it very funny and thought the performances were delightful by the two main leads. I had issues with the clusterfuck that is the film's third act but not enough that I didn't hold a place for it in my Top 10 of the year for pretty much the last four months or so. Then I revisited it again recently and I’ve still got a huge amount of affection for it and there is still a large amount of it that makes me laugh out loud - but that third act REALLY rubs me the wrong way.

Asides from the clunky plot developments that exist purely to give the film conflict and some sort of narrative 'propulsion' it doesn't necessarily need AND on top of the fact that Billie Lourd's entire thing is embarrassing and awful (are we allowed to kind of lean in together and whisper yet that she can't act very well?), what really smarts is for a film that is meant to be this 'progressive' and female-centred, it leans in on the laziest and most horrible of high school comedy tropes - the horny teacher who beds the student! And like cliche dictates it is always a female teacher and male student because even a film as allegedly "progressive" as this is self-aware enough to know that if the sexes were reversed they couldn't / wouldn't get away with it.

In an age of #MeToo and #TimesUp the idea that a female filmmaker would go with this iffy fuckin cliche in her debut movie and have no problem at all leaves a horrible taste over the back end of an otherwise pretty great little film... But yeah, definitely still check out BOOKSMART. Its progressive, millennial bullshit stance is complete piffle. But its comedic set-pieces are a lot of fun.

24. IT: CHAPTER TWO

I don’t understand anyone who's coming away from IT CHAPTER 2 complaining there's a lack of scares. There's not a lack of scares at all. The problem is there scattered across a running time that is not structured well enough to accentuate them. There were some moments where I very nearly jumped out of my seat and left because of their effectiveness - the pay-off to Bev returning home as teased in the trailer? Fuuuuuuck THAT!

I think it is fair to criticise its flabbiness though… How the hell its director can talk about his intentions for a four hour cut of this pushed up alongside a three hour cut of the first chapter as some sort of hope for the future feels insane - FOUR hours? This thing is ten minutes shy of three and it feels excessive!

The lack of discipline in the editing bay is quite possibly the reward that comes from delivering a $700.4 million return on a $35 million budget the first time round. That lack of discipline doesn't make for a film as focused as it needs to be... Once you realise an hour in that the story structure is one in which each character is split off to revisit their past and then each character is then going to be given a 'teachable moment', you realise that you've essentially got to watch the same plot point be repeated SIX times round each time. And from a narrative perspective that's both annoying and exhausting, frankly.

Hand on heart though, it's a minor quibble overall because what is there is effective as hell and very entertaining. Think of it cinematically as too big a portion of a great frickin meal... It's a hypocritical complaint also because ultimately there is so much joy in watching these actors go at playing these characters (Bill Hader is an absolute marvel in this and Jessica Chastain lives up to the 'dream casting' suggestion the minute Sophia Ellis turned up in the first one!)

It may well be overlong by a good thirty minutes but it is still an incredibly scary, funny ride... just with a denouement that, once again, shows how hard it is to deliver the climactic goods when Stephen King has given you such utter excrement to work with.

23. THE GANGSTER, THE COP, THE DEVIL

I watched this and flat-out loved it - yet another reminder that you can spin the dial and pick a genre, any genre, and the reality is that South Korea are delivering the best efforts in it nowadays. This is a big, broad, bombastic slice of action pulp that has its cake as a thriller/procedural and eats it as a blockbustery burst of car chases and violent dust-ups.

The remake rights for this are with Stallone and that's a scary prospect really coz if there's one thing problematic about that guy is that he's not ~great~ with playing "evenly" (the stories that came off the CREED II production are terrifying!).

22. AT THE HEART OF GOLD

I watched this with my wife and the both of us just kept shooting aghast and pained looks at one another the longer it went on.

Forensic documentary studies like this are a big interest to me but this was a gruelling yet kind of inspiring watch because it did the right thing in putting the victims front and centre from the get go and throughout.

Child abuse is an abhorrent thing. Doubly so on a scale like this. BUT when you're watching the revelations that it was so commonly known to be going on and covered up to the extent and at the level it was? That is just... there's just no words!

Fantastic little documentary though. If you think you know the full facts on this, you don't! And if the last 4 years are any indication, our generation have found our own Errol Morris coz Erin Lee Carr is responsible for 4 of the best documentaries in that time with this, I LOVE YOU NOW DIE, THOUGHT CRIMES and MOMMY DEAD & DEAREST.

21. ABDUCTED IN PLAIN SIGHT

I find that once in a while there's a true crime documentary so flat-out, jaw-droppingly fuckin... out there, that most of its enjoyment isn't in how utterly astounding it is but mostly the fun you have in telling people the details of it and watching them incredulously go "Fuck the fuck off! This didn't happen? Surely not!"

I saw this in early January when no one was talking a single word about it here in the UK and I spent roughly three months banging on and on about it to anyone and everyone and, sure enough, everyone looked at me like I was mad and kept saying "Fuck the fuck off! This isn’t a real thing, surely??” Then it landed on Netflix and… everyone went bonkers!

It is a tight 90 minute uncomfortable, grim, totally incredulous jaw-dropper detailing what are two of the STUPIDEST parents and the most horribly manipulative paedophile you could imagine. You've GOT to check this out because without this documentary no one would EVER believe the story of… ** SPOILERS here on out ** ... the most horribly manipulative paedophile you could imagine, who moves his family into the house next to a husband and wife with three daughters, befriends them, tricks the dad into giving him handjobs, seduces the mum into heavy-petting sessions - all with the intent of lowering their defences so he can get access to their youngest 11 year old daughter... who he abducts, manipulates by pretending to be an alien into believing there's an alien invasion that can only be prevented by her having his baby and sneaks across to Mexico once she's 12 so he can marry her. Then he gets arrested by the FBI, brought back to America, uses his previous intimate dalliances with BOTH parents to blackmail them into dropping the charges, re-seduces the mother into a long-term sexual relationship, reabducts the young daughter, hides her in a boarding school, poses as a CIA agent and...

... and... and... not one single element of this is UNTRUE! What the FUCK, right?!?

20. MIDSOMMAR

There's issues to be had with this in the sense that at two and a half hours it is needlessly self-indulgent and from a storytelling point of view it suffers like many from that flaw of walking in the wake of THE WICKER MAN's story beats without finding much in the way of variation.

However, it is exceptionally well directed and the building of tension and concern (despite knowing exactly where it will inevitably go) is impressive. It basks in its weirdness and then seemingly delights in getting weirder... You can say you've heard this story before but you won't have SEEN it told with imagery quite like this. The whole shebang wouldn't work half as effectively if not for the performances and they really are great here. Florence Pugh is quite exceptional. She joins Toni Collette in what will clearly be Ari Aster's roster of "Tremendous Performances That Deserve Awards But Won't Get Them".

By the film's end you come to realise the film is leaning into THE WICKER MEN comparisons purposefully - to show us what that movie would look like today, in Trump's America: Obnoxious Americans pissing up against and fucking around with longstanding tradition and history.

19. Us

Ignore all of the bullshit 33,000+ deep dive 'think pieces' spewed out across the internet about this and just judge it for what it is: a great horror thrill-ride with some terrific jump scares etc. but it's not without its flaws. For one, it's too strong a film to get landed with that big and lazy an info-dump conclusion... especially one that kind of clunks against what's gone before - but then, as much as we're clearly not meant to call Jordan Peele out on anything it seems, he IS a vastly superior director then he is a writer if this effort is anything to go by.

Was it really, really requiring of those penetrative essays though on what it "really" means or what Peele's hidden intent was? Could it not just be that the guy made a great horror film with all the very clear subtext of a Romero or Carpenter classic, and there's just nothing more to it than that? Because that's how I’m taking it. Because if I don't and I do actually have to wade through all this internet word clunge about how US is "really" about "the effects of classism and marginalisation" or how the antagonists are "effigies of situational classism", I'd write the film off as a failure of achieving its intent.

To dress it up as more than a relentless, scary cat-and-mouse shocker is like trying to put a monocle on a pig and call it a professor.

18. WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOUR

I went into this as a British person completely unfamiliar with Fred Rogers or any of his past work / impact on America and came away completely reverential to the man and what he stood for and achieved across generations. So much so that this documentary completely changed my outlook on a lot of things. It certainly changed the approach I take in how I communicate with my own children now.

It’s a heartwarming, inspirational ode to a clearly great man and I urge everyone to watch it and allow Mr Rogers to give your jaded perspective on life a reinvigorating kick in the butt.

17. APOLLO 11

This really is magnificent. The 70mm archival footage makes the whole thing make it look like you're watching a big studio blockbuster... and not actual real never-before-seen footage from decades ago.

There's moments within this that are just astounding and intoxicating, making you become completely engulfed in something even though you are well versed in what the outcomes are.

16. LONG SHOT

This was the surprise delight of the year. It was very lovely, fun and funny with a great cast being just thoroughly delightful. Charlize Theron is very rarely utilised in comedy (ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT Season 3 was so long ago) which is a shame coz she's really gifted, as is proven here - the scene where she does hostage negotiation on molly is one of the funniest scenes of the year!

Seth Rogen makes the sort of stuff that is just game-set-match for my particular sensibilities (40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN to SUPERBAD to KNOCKED UP to PINEAPPLE EXPRESS to OBSERVE & REPORT is in itself an all-timer run that puts him up there with Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy and Albert Brooks) and this is a further reflection of that.

They should never have changed the title to something this generic. And it could comfortably lose 15 minutes here or there. But they're minor niggles for a romcom that we'll still be holding in high regard for years to come. And June Diane Raphael SHOULD get awards for the graft she puts in here. She won’t because films like this never get respect like that, but she totally should.

15. JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM

I flat out loved this (though I still maintain that I don’t even think the star and the director themselves have referred to the film by its 'full name') and I would be more than happy to see an entry to this franchise every two years if they're of this calibre.

CHAPTER 2 had me worried because it looked like there was a limit to just how much 'throwing people down to the ground and shooting them in the head with CGI gunfire and blood added in on top' you could push into a film before it felt tiresome but this completely circumnavigates all worry around that by dialling up the 'quirk' factor which has always been this franchise's most bizarro and interesting element.

And the introduction of Halle Berry to 'the floor' led to a stand-out set-piece that was nothing short of astounding!

I WOULD however have preferred it if this film had adopted a bit of the ol' VH1 Pop-Up Video Show (remember THAT??) approach and just stuck a bubble up during the motorbike sequence that said "We stole this wholesale from THE VILLAINESS because we know it’s unlikely you saw that movie!")

14. READY OR NOT

I offer up the heartiest of recommendations for this - an absolutely first class horror comedy that finds a delightfully irreverent spin on the cat-and-mouse / slasher movie. It really is the ‘little movie that could’ of 2019 that offers up way, way, way more than its marketing and log-line suggest. It’s very funny and has some truly effective jump-scares and, best of all, it has a great ensemble cast doing great work. Double-bill it with KNIVES OUT and thank me later!

13. ARCTIC

This really worked as an effective, throw-you-into-the-mix survival thriller. Mads Mikkelsen is terrific and he really sells the hell out of it.

You don't know just how successfully it has burrowed under your skin and pulled you along on the ride until the final five minutes when you're screaming "NO!" at the screen.

12. AD ASTRA

I still can’t believe this flopped. I genuinely can’t. It's fair to say it doesn't quite stick its landing in making the end of the journey as narratively thrilling as what it took to get there but it doesn't matter - the journey itself is a sumptuous, thrilling and truly exquisite ride taking an easy "APOCALYPSE NOW in space" label and delivering something so, so much more.

For anyone who grew up with any "sins of the father" issues this will act as a ten ton weight dropped onto their chest.

... It also has space pirates and space monkeys!

11. MARRIAGE STORY

The plaudits are all well-earned and I’m saying this as someone who's connected with very little of Baumbach's work other than THE SQUID & THE WHALE.

It's a genuinely enthralling watch due to a fantastic group of actors being set loose to do tremendous work; Adam Driver is superb and Scarlett Johansson raises her game considerably to go toe-to-toe with him but Laura Dern, Ray Liotta and Alan Alda deliver a trio of masterclasses under one roof.

(If there's ANY justice whatsoever in awards season Alda will split everything Best Supporting Actor related with Joe Pesci… He won’t, because there is no justice when it comes to the vast majority of awards season but that is not to say he doesn’t deserve it!)

This is a delicately crafted piece - where your favoured side in a fight you feel you really shouldn't be privy to, is expertly switched around - that comes from a very obvious place of truth.

10. STAND-OFF AT SPARROW CREEK

I really, really liked this. I can see it's a film I'll go back to quite a few times over the years and see if I can spot the 'turn' because, first time round if I’m honest, I very much did not see the reveal coming.

It's a great little film. The performances are terrific (James Badge Dale is the best actor of our generation, frankly) and Henry Dunham has delivered a hell of an interesting film - all long shots into dark corners of a big dank space, scenes shot with natural torchlight and headlight beams. It's never not interesting to look at.

It's essentially RESERVOIR DOGS re-spun so the diamonds are replaced with missing fire arms and the back alley warehouse in LA is replaced with a militia compound in backwoods America.

9. KNIVES OUT

I found this to be a tremendous amount of fun; the somewhat obvious result that is birthed from a great writer/director putting a terrific script in front of an exceptional cast, designing a fabulous set for them to let loose inside of and then stepping out of their way for quality to reign.

There's a barely tolerable Edgar Wright version of this where the filmmaking is of course "the star", the editing is distracting and the music is purposefully kitschy.

This very much isn't that.

It's decidedly UNshowy and by being so comfortable in its own skin, emulating a classic style of storytelling not so much told anymore, it really stands out as an excellent piece of original cinema.

8. DOLEMITE IS MY NAME

I urge you all to completely buy the hype: DOLEMITE IS MY NAME is every bit as fantastic as everyone is saying and Eddie Murphy is like awards-worthy great in it.

You don't have to have seen DOLEMITE to have fun with this but having done so certainly accentuates it.

It's very funny, surprisingly moving and is a genuinely great ode to the importance of following your passions and not letting anyone stifle your creative aspirations... Hell, if this thing existed 25 years ago I myself would be as prolific as Lee fuckin Childs by now.

Da'Vine Joy Randolph gives THE best supporting actress performance of the year. From straight-up out of nowhere.

Genuinely can't wait to watch this a few more times down the road.

7. AVENGERS: ENDGAME

I think there's two ways of looking at AVENGERS: ENDGAME - as a film in its own right with an atypical start, middle, end, etc. AND as a piece of cinematic event-level entertainment.

In the case of the former, it is pretty damn great though not entirely without its flaws:

Give the narrative set up and logical lay out a single seconds thought and this entire thing crumbles to the ground. On top of that, it takes a while to bed down and get going and its tonal scattershot approach across the first forty-odd minutes is a little jarring. Quite literally you're coming out of that first hour with your head-spinning from laughing and then getting whipped into sombre, dour moments... slapped with narrative leaps and 'we're putting the team back together' beats.

Then the 'points of purpose' settle in and quite frankly we're off to the fucking races, man. Captain Marvel is a repeated, annoying goddamn useless 'deus ex machina' and the entire use of Paltrow/'Rescue' is just irritating. BUT everything 45+ minutes is so, so, so, so flipping ACE that shit like that can't even destabilise it.

There's critics out there deriding this as 'Fan Service: The Movie' and, you know what, damn fucking straight it is and there's nothing wrong with that.

(Although it could be argued that a clunky 'let's put all the women together in one shot' moment that lands with a thud is 'fan service' taken too far and not pitched within proceedings well enough for it to be anything other than cloying.)

The entire middle hour of these three hours is a play within a play; only the play its playing in just happens to be TWENTY-TWO OTHER MOVIES!

They could have phoned this in haaaaaard by this point and it is so, so, so commendable that they didn't. Hell, a lot of the films problems lie in the fact that they tried as hard as they did to really do doing something you wouldn't be expecting with this!

As an 'event', there will never be anything like this again in my lifetime, I don’t think. I knew this walking out of it. There'll be more JUSTICE LEAGUE type failed rip-offs. Marvel themselves will try and replicate it with the law of diminishing returns playing into effect. But there will NEVER be something so accomplished from something so long-form on such a grand stage as this again as far as I’m concerned.

6. CRAWL

I’ve went back for multiple viewings of this and absolutely LOVED it even more each time.

It's a lean, bullet-fast, brutal B-movie creature feature that does not fuck around: There is a complete lack of JAWS like foreboding, skulking around... This is straight-up, in your face, nasty, fast carnage. Anyone going in expecting a knowing, winking PIRANHA 3D / SNAKES ON A PLANE type deal is in for a hard slap.

It's pitch perfect entertainment in the sense that it grabs you and then just keeps turning the screws ("Oh, she's battling an alligator in a flooded crawlspace!" "Aww, man! It's a full on storm and there's TWO alligators now!" "Holy Fuckballs - There's MANY alligators and a hurricane now??").

The last 25 minutes alone are an all-out, relentless assault upon your ability to breathe steadily.

This is the best B-movie of 2019!

5. DRAGGED ACROSS CONCRETE

My wife and I are big fans of S. Craig Zahler's BONE TOMAHAWK and BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 (two of the best films of the last decade) even though it's becoming more and more apparent he's quite far from our own political stance.

This, Zahler's latest effort, drops the latent suggestion and presents its right-wing, racist immoral world view with no restraint or apology. And regardless of your political stance, if you're there for the story and the filmmaking craftsmanship you'll find this to be tremendous stuff.

It's like a cut-price, gutter level version of Michael Mann's HEAT; a tale of cop and criminal convergence, told at a thoroughly unhurried and unconcerned pace... Only Zahler would think to interrupt his narrative to propose a short story within the story (about a mother returning from maternity leave) that's only there so that he can hurt you with it.

Mel Gibson's presence here laid up against the subject matter is the very definition of provocative and contentious but there's no getting around the fact that he is as tremendous an actor as he is an awful, awful human being. And by all counts he's REALLY very awful.

Gibson is every shade of ace in this and he's ably supported by Vaughn, who's rightly leaning away from the comedic persona he's broken too badly.

This is a languid, unapologetically nasty film but it's also an excellent one. It's so not for everyone but if you've liked BONE TOMAHAWK and BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 then this is a must. In fact, it's both easily Zahler's best film and one of the best films of the year.

4. MISSING LINK

I think this really is an absolute jewel and I can't understand why more folk aren't screaming about it. It's very funny and visually wondrousness (that boat-in-the-storm INCEPTION homage action sequence is fabulous). The magnitude of talent that would have gone into making this via stop motion... knowing that it takes one week to complete one to two minutes of useable footage!

The creases in the texture of each characters clothing as they move too? WOW! I’ve always adored Laika's output but this was the first for me where the sheer care and attention to detail really shone!

For one, it's easily one of the funniest movies of the year. For another, it looks totally gorgeous. And best of all, it gives kids their very own GUNGA DIN / RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK cinematic adventure type experience.

3. FORD VS. FERRARI (aka LE MANS ’66)

I’m so glad in the same very year where ‘Film Twitter’ nearly blew itself up over the ‘Marvel / Tentpole Cinema / Scorsese / No original studio films anymore’ debate, I got to experience something as majestic and very nearly perfect as FORD VS FERRARI (aka LE MANS '66).

It's got such a tremendous old fashioned style to it that I hope they do what they did with LOGAN and give us a black and white edition and we have 60s era style movie credits to open and close it. It's that kind of movie.

Yet at the same time it manages to display all the high end technical filmmaking majesty backed up by wall-to-wall terrific performances (only Josh Lucas lets the side down with his inability to deliver anything above unsubtle, cartoonish panto villainy).

It's a gorgeous, kinetic, enthralling and by the end a surprisingly tender and moving piece of cinema. I completely adored it.

2. ONCE UPON A TIME IN… HOLLYWOOD

I fell in love hard with Tarantino's ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD straight-out-the-gate and fell harder with repeated viewings. It's a beautifully shambolic, meandering 'day in the life' sort of deal that plays out as a dry, knowing comedy with a sideline in impending, escalating dread... before becoming, well, something else entirely that's so shocking and out of left field that it feels so courageous because of how swiftly it will divide a viewer.

What's so monumentally lush about it is that it is made by a cinematic craftsman who is essentially writing a love letter to everything he adores/adored about a very specific time in a very specific place within the industry that made him. It is framed, lit and shot with aplomb but on top of that every single thing inside of the frame is chockfull of things that are background noise to somebody and yet incredibly meaningful, funny and knowing to true TV and cinema fans.

If there's any complaint to be made about this movie it's that Tarantino's continued insistence on shoe-horning Zoe Bell into his films is absolutely hurting his product: The woman can't act, can't judge the tone of a scene, is flat-out incapable of putting in a performance consistent with what is going on around with other actors and she is routinely a very hard, very annoying distraction that draws you straight out of the film.

You could argue that it is a listless movie because, in the conventional sense people expect of a narrative, does anything truly happen in the atypical Act 1, Act 2 and Act 3 type of way. But I'd counter-argue that all the enjoyment is in just spending time watching these characters move around and interact with one another.

Knowing the history of Sharon Tate and what happened to her at the hands of The Manson Family fills the entire proceedings with a sense of nausea-inducing nervousness about what we're going to see and to what degree. It's like a pressure valve sat in the background, slowly filling and expanding and just waiting to explode. That it eventually does but in the manner it does, is... well it's audacious... and yet questionable... and still entertaining as hell.

1. THE IRISHMAN

Without a hint of exaggeration, at least once a day every day since I first saw this film I’ve found myself thinking back to both DeNiro's "phone call" scene of which no words would convey its brilliance and Pacino's final scene and the sound he makes in it. The former is genuinely just one of the most haunting, astoundingly natural pieces of acting you'll see from a truly great actor you'd kind of forgot was capable of going to places like this.

This really is a straight-out-the-gate, instant, flawless, completely majestic work of art. It is a master craftsman signing off on a genre he revolutionised in much the same way Clint Eastwood closed down his connection to the western with UNFORGIVEN.

It is three and a half hours long and it doesn't feel remotely close to that... and that's saying something considering most of the film's real awesomeness lies in scenes that are allowed to breathe and just sit or in points being driven home through the repetition in the mundanity of these characters' lives. Because that's the other thing that's really terrific about it - it's not a re-tread of GOODFELLAS or CASINO; there's nothing remotely glamorous about this 'life' - Scorsese presents it as this 'working class stiff' gig where being the right-hand man to some of the most powerful crime figures and industry heads of the 50s, 60s, 70s, etc is really not all that higher up past being a truck driver in the same era.

The much-talked about de-ageing stuff on the actors is a little jarring at first (the first scene of DeNiro in his late 20s or something makes you squelch in your seat a little and think "Fuck, this is going to be bad isn't it?") but it settles in and gets much better as the timelines between character and actor shorten - the work on Pacino in particular is first rate.

The performances are across the board superb - DeNiro and Pacino in particular are so bloody brilliant here that it wakes you up to how fallow and shit they've been for so long. But really, this is Pesci's movie. He gives what is the performance of the year by turning in a really human, considered turn... and in the process circumnavigating the expectations that comes from having this particular actor in this particular genre with this particular director.

Not enough reviews talk about how extremely fuckin funny the movie is - and it is very laugh out loud funny with some of the lines and interactions (Pacino and Stephen Graham together are hilarious!) - and no words accurately describe how truly sad and surprisingly moving it is in the final stretch.

... I don't believe a single word of the source material it’s based on but it's resolutely not important to have to buy into the ('fake'?) memoir in order to appreciate the film adaptation as this massive, majestic piece of cinematic myth making - one that I genuinely can't wait to see again many times over the years!

[mrschiltoncat]

Chilton Character Thoughts-part 1

Okay so a few people @yourtropegirl @vanessa-found-a-boy and anyone interested in my Chilty thoughts.  This is first of all, going to include stuff those who watched the series will probably know already, since I have been asked by those who haven’t.  

Frederick Chilton is in the books, and I think in some of the movies but the character on the NBC show is very different.  To be fair too, I have not seen any of the Hannibal movies, and have only glanced at the books, but it seems the Chilton there is pretty much a jerk and you don’t really feel for him.  When Bryan Fuller, the creator of the tv show, asked Raúl to be a part of the show, our man was a bit hesitant.  He had worked on Pushing Daisies but he didn’t want to be just the jerk character, he wanted more.  Because as an actor, you want to find things in your characters, you want multi layered people to play.  Those are the most fun.  So Bryan said no, you won’t, you will be sexy.  (And I mean its Raúl when is he not??)

And so he accepted, and I think added a lot of things on his own.  The whole fixation with pens is an homage to the Chilton of the movies, but of course it wasn’t half as appealing when that guy did it.  (Sorry not sorry).  And Raúl also mentioned he specifically asked for bikini briefs, for the sleazy uncomfortable feel.  To me, this sounds not like a big deal, but its a genius choice as an actor.  He saw Chilton even then as insecure, and I think the character really puts on airs.  He’s a psychiatrist, and when the show opens it seems he is a higher up doctor at the Hospital for the Criminally Insane (which I don’t think they have those anymore).  Then, he is the administrator for the hospital.  

And another thing, we don’t really get much of a backstory on Fred at all.  To me I like to call him for example, an awkward duckling.  I think his career is his whole life, and he really craves true relationships.  His loneliness is something that really speaks to me personally, I have actually told Raúl this, and I think that’s what he was aiming for.  No one seems to truly care for Fred, except possibly Freddie Lounds, who sticks up for him and at one point saves his life.  (Although at least in the show, she also puts him in danger again later).  I do think Fred squared as a ship is adorable, but I also like to ignore a lot of what happened in the last season.  

I’m not sure if you guys want a run down of the story, but of course there’s Hannibal “the Cannibal.”  In this story no one knows what he is right away, and at one point Will Graham is thought to be the killer, and then Hannibal frames Chilton as his “patsy.”  And at that point, Chilton is very much on Will’s side, and I do think sees Will as a friend.  Although he did testify against Will, before that.  But I do think he believed Hannibal’s lie that Will was the big baddie.

For whatever reason, Fuller likes to torture Frederick.  Its to the point of being sadistic and at times, disturbing.  I understand its a dark show, but a lot of fans really relate to Chilton.  I do, I love this character so much because there are times I have felt alone, and he feels like a kindred spirit to me.  So yes, he’s just a fictional character, but one that I relate to, and its somewhat hurtful to watch.  And basically be told by the show writers you feel lonely?  Okay you deserve it.  

I like Fuller at times but he also makes me very mad, especially when he claimed Chilton deserved what he got in season 3.  How??  I don’t know if you want me to go into it, I never re blog gifs from that scene because it greatly upsets me.  And it certainly upset Raúl too, as he told a fan here he cried when he learned of his character’s fate.  Yea, he was happy to do the work of course but the fact he got so upset just…makes me kinda upset.  

I will tell you in season one, Chilton is attacked by Abel Gideon, a patient, and eventually he has his kidney removed by said patient.  He used “psychic driving” to get Abel to say he was the Ripper (which is hannibal) which okay, wasn’t the best idea.  Abel buys into it, and kills a nurse in the hospital.  I don’t think this was meant to happen by Fred.  I think he believed that Abel was the ripper, as he had consulted with the FBI on the case.  And he got a bit ahead of himself, so thought he would try some risqué techniques to get the guy to admit who he ‘truly was.’  And of course our Fred, in my opinion, is aching for love and respect, so he latches on and gets excited thinking he will get more respect for this.  

One backstory thing we do get, is that Fred went to medical school (regular) and was to be a surgeon, but dropped out.  My theory is perhaps his father was a surgeon, and Fred really found the sight of blood upsetting, and never wanted to do it.  But he so wanted to have his cold father love him and be proud of him, that he tries it anyway.  So there would have been a falling out when he left school.  This is my thought (and others I think believe similarly) but we are told nothing about his family.  Which is in some ways good, as a writer I can make my own interpretation, and as an actor so could Raúl.  

I also like to think he has a brother who is the ‘golden child’ who perhaps Fred is jealous of, and has always tried to live up to.  The father’s favorite.  And I think a big reason Fred can seem above it all on the show is he is trying to keep himself from being hurt.  I would guess he had one love, and that love broke his heart.  I think many of the stories I have read have used this as well.  And personally I see him as straight, although some stories have him bi as well.  I think though he definitely likes women, but again, my theory.  We really don’t see much one way or another, unless you could how happy he is to have Hannibal as a friend before he learns the truth.  As someone who struggles to make friends, I think that was more look!  This guy who is super popular and respected wants to be MY friend!  

Next season Fred gets shot in the face, and lives.  He is set up by Hannibal, and while he’s in custody, survivor of the ripper Miriam Lass shoots him.  She has been manipulated by Hannibal, and has a flashback.  It’s hard to totally hate her, and it bums me out that we never heard anything more of her. 

We also never hear about Fred being exonerated, only that people figure out its Hannibal.  Or much about his recovery.  He doesn’t really use a cane that season.  He really needed it only after the Abel attack, but then he used it as a flourish, or a literal crutch.  To me though, I would assume overusing it could cause the need to use it again.  Wouldn’t it hamper one’s spine?  I could be wrong I am no medical person.  

I will probably add to this later, but to sum up, I think Fred is very lonely.  He’s strong in that he has survived, and although I like to forget about the end of season three, it is worth noting he could have possibly escaped had he given up another character, Reba, and he doesn’t.  He doesn’t risk her life.  

I hope he has someone at least, and I think once he did find love he would be extremely devoted to his partner.  Because he has feelings of not being enough, of being ugly I’m sure after the second attack, (he isn’t but I think he’s very touchy about this).  I think he is someone who would be extremely in tune with his partners needs, and that he would always listen and want to do all he could to make them happy.  I also personally think he would be the best dad, because he would so want his child to have everything.  And he would attend every recital, every game, etc.  And same with his love, he would be there for her at a moment’s notice.  And honestly I think he would be thrilled to be a stay at home dad.  I think his career has taken the place of love in his life (on the show) and once he gets it, he wouldn’t give a shit about work.  

Whew-that got long!!!!  @seekret-fanfic @vintagemichelle91 @ohbelieveyoume @drchiltonsdick @drunkonsmut @chiltonme @larkistin feel free anyone to supply opinions @somebodyhelpthenotdeadfreds @marywisdom @morganbritton132 more Fred lovers if you’re interested 

@xemopeachx

#hannibal #character analysis #lets talk about Freddy boo #Frederick Chilton #long ass post #let's discuss freddy boo