#as a survivor of religious trauma

[miaobae]

Lucifer! Lucifer! Lucifer!

Who cried out to God for help but was punished. Who couldn't hope to control the beast inside him, because he was made to fail. He was made to sin. He was made to bring ruin upon the angels of heaven because God had grown bored and wanted to cast them aside for his newest creation, man.

Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer... Who fell in love and was cast aside.

Lucifer!!

#angels before man #as a survivor of religious trauma #as a child who always wondered what was so wrong with Lucifer's jealousy #who always craved to know more about heavens most beautiful angel #this book meant a lot to me

[creature-wizard]

PSA: If you're searching out resources to help cult survivors, check their citations and look out for these names - and if you see them, leave immediately - because these people are all far right conspiracy theorists:

Svali

Cisco Wheeler

Fritz Springmeier

Cathy O'Brien

Mark Philips

Lawrence Pazder

Michelle Smith/Pazder

Lauren Stratford

Texe Marrs

Bill Schnoebelen

Rebecca Brown

Mike Warnke

Literally all of these people were (or in some cases, still are) pushing far right conspiracy theories derived from early modern witch panic, blood libel, and The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion. Literally do not trust anyone or anything that cites them.

#religion #spirituality #religious trauma #religious abuse #spiritual abuse #cults #cult survivor #cult recovery #conspiracy theories #conspiracy theory #conspiracism #conspiracy theorists #witchblr #paganblr #red flag #red flags

[cultsurvivorsafe]

Cult survivors, you don't lack intelligence. You don't lack morality. Your abuse was and never will be your fault.

#ex cult #cult survivor #cult recovery #recovery #trauma #trauma recovery #religious abuse #spiritual abuse #organized abuse #ramcoa #positivity

[notaplaceofhonour]

I was raised in the People of Destiny cult (later renamed, and more well-known as, Sovereign Grace Ministries, now Sovereign Grace Churches).

The valorization of martyrdom and The End Times was so ubiquitous it was ambient noise. We stood in the church lobby theorizing about who the antichrist would be, we argued about whether Jesus would rapture us all before, after, or during the Tribulation Period where Satan would be given free reign over the earth. There was a strong Christian Zionist fixation on Israel as the final battleground and capital of the coming Messianic Age. But the one thing we were all certain of was is that we were in the End Times, that we were not of this world and couldn’t get too attached to our lives here.

We were raised to believe our sin nature made us undeserving of life, that we deserved death and eternal conscious torture.

My parents read us the Jesus Freaks books (a series by Christian Rap group DC Talk about martyrs). I spent “devotional time” reading Fox’s Book of Martyrs. We had guest speakers from Voice of the Martyrs, their pamphlets were often stocked in our church’s information center. We grew up with our dad listening to right wing talk radio and making us listen to songs about how the Godless atheists were outlawing Christianity in America, that we could all become martyrs soon.

The group’s theology was damaging & traumatic in a lot of other ways that contributed to the suicidality I have continued to struggle with for the rest of my life. For a long time I did not believe I would live past 20. There are times when the idea of giving my death meaning by using public suicide to make a political statement has appealed to me.

So now, seeing so many social media posts glorifying the suicide of a US Airman this week, I have been furious. Reading his social media posts, I recognize so much about the way I was raised in his all-or-nothing, black-or-white mindset, the valorization of death-seeking & martyrdom, and the apocalyptic fire-and-brimstone imagery of self-immolation. The moment I saw people I followed celebrating his self-immolation, I said to myself “this feels like a cult”

So when I learned he was raised in a cult too, nothing could have made more sense to me. His political orientation may have changed, but his mindset did not—it was no less extreme or cult-like.

I’ve talked about so many of the reasons this response from the broader left scares me, including how it’s laundering that airman’s antisemitic beliefs, but I cannot think of anything that would hit me in a more personal place than this specific response to this specific situation has.

When I see the images, I think: that could have been me. That scares me, and what scares me more is that so many prominent people are overwhelmingly sending the message to people like me that there is nothing else we can do that would have a more meaningful impact than killing ourselves for the cause.

I do not believe that. I will not even entertain it. And having to see his death over and over and over again, to argue against people who are treating this like an intellectual/moral exercise or a valid debate we all have to consider has been immensely triggering and fills me with a rage I rarely feel. It’s unconscionable that we are even putting self-harm on the table, and that pushing back against that is somehow controversial.

There is hope. Our lives do have meaning. There are far more effective means of fighting injustice. And the world is a better place for having you in it. Don’t fall into believing this is a way to give life purpose.

#he was raised in a different cult than me but there is significant overlap in the Community of Jesus & People of Destiny worldviews #EDIT: I originally said the Tribulations were ‘7 1/2’ years but this was me confusing the ‘a time times & half a time’ from Daniel #with the idea of a 7 year tribulation #it’s been forever and a lifetime since I lived in that world so the exact theological details can be hazy #death cult shit #extremely traumatic content #i/p #cw suicide #religious trauma #cw trauma #antisemitism #pdi international #people of destiny cult #sgm cult #sovereign grace cult #christian cult #cult survivor #death cult #evangelical ​apocalypticism #exvangelical

[sky-daddy-hates-me]

How delusional do you have to be to think that the religion that has forcibly invaded and converted multiple countries throughout the centuries has preserved languages and cultures.

Old norse was only converted to the Latin alphabet because of Christianity, almost destroying the runic alphabet.

Christians forced indigenous children in North America and Canada to attend schools that stripped them of their culture and abuse them into Christianity. There are still Christian organisations who are dedicated to preaching to the native tribes on the North American continent.

How many mythological/folklore/fairytale figures have been diluted down to make it more christian friendly? How many have been demonised because they went against christian values?

How many historical artifacts or culturally significant items have been stolen or destroyed because of Christianity?

It genuinely breaks my heart to think of all the pain and suffering and death Christianity has caused to numerous countries, and the historical knowledge we might have lost in the process.

#ex jw #ex jehovah's witness #jehovah's witnesses #religious trauma #exjw #cult survivor #ex christian #ex cult #apostate #possible tw #culture #culturalheritage #christianity #imperialism #conversion #languages

[fragmented-artist]

X

Blaine

#cptsd #actually traumagenic #dissociative identity disorder #actually ptsd #actually traumatized #post traumatic stress disorder #traumagenic system #actually did #ptsd #traumatized #religious trauma #domestic abuse #dv survivor #survivor #complex ptsd #tw ptsd #c ptsd #cptsd vent #traumacore #trauma survivor #trauma #abuse #tw abuse #anxiety #emotional abuse #blaine

[isolated-bats]

having religious trauma from the most boring of churches is such a unique experience. stained glass and high ceilings dont mean anything. but dingy basements and hotel bibles mean everything. my religious trauma (and i would assume a lot of others) isnt as pure as what is shown. its gross basements, hand-me-down bibles, wooden chairs that look like theyre at least 50 years old, vhs tapes and big box tvs, ugly carpet, and "god bless you" instead of i love you.

#bat's shit #religous trauma #ex religious #cult survivor #ramcoa #ramcoa survivor #ex christian

[deservedgrace]

cult jokes are a symptom of and contribute to the simultaneous sensationalizing of cults (cults are all dark cloaks and animal sacrifices and devil worship and group suicide and despicable/unhinged beliefs) and diminishing of cults ("uwu come join my CULT XD we're gonna make cookies and WORSHIP SATAN teehee"), but i'm realizing how they go so hand-in-hand with the mindset of "only ~stupid/evil/crazy/etc.~ people could possibly join a cult. if it were me i would simply not fall for cult propaganda."

the diminishing part means that people don't take you seriously if you say you're an ex cult member or talk about your experiences in a cult or believe you are a current victim of a cult, because cults are just silly little groups that have weird beliefs but are otherwise innocuous. the sensationalizing part means people will also not take you seriously because if it was Actually a cult cult, that does harm and has evil beliefs, you should've known better because any reasonable person would have seen through it. the other side of "only an [xyz] person joins a cult" is "i am not an [xyz] person so i will never join a cult or be victim to propaganda and other cult tactics." the other side of "if it were me i would simply not fall for propaganda" is "someone falling for propaganda is fully a choice and a personal failing on their part." and combined they make: if you were [xyz] enough to join a cult and fall for propaganda, that means you deserved it.

people who would never make jokes about any other kind of abuse but feel perfectly fine making cult jokes used to kind of baffle me, because why is joking about personal abuse a problem but large-scale/group abuse is fine? why is it suddenly funny when you're the one that wants to perpetuate the abuse? but if your belief around cults is: "your experience wasn't that bad [diminishing], and if it was that bad [sensationalizing] it was your own fault and personal failing [i would simply not fall for propaganda], which means you deserved what you went through [only stupid/evil/crazy/etc people join cults]" and you don't understand how cults or cult tactics work, cult survivors/victims probably feel like a fair target for jokes (they are not, to be clear).

#i've been trying to write this post for days lmfao it's been stuck in my head #this is the best i've got #ex cult #ex christian #religious trauma #child indoctrination #i am normally a “language changes and evolves” girly (non-binary) but i have to insist on not contributing to this particular one #it not only harms cult victims/survivors (which is reason enough not to do so imo) #it is beneficial to cults and cult leaders that people in general do not take cults seriously #because they can both 1. abuse their current members without consequences #and 2. recruit more people that won't even realize they've been recruited #cults feed on vulnerable people #and believing you are too smart or sane or morally good or whatever else to get sucked into it #ironically makes you more vulnerable #because if you got sucked into it... it obviously can't be a cult

[wisteria-grows-here]

#ex jehovah's witness #ex jw #ex jehovahs witness #cult survivor #pimo #exmormon #exmo #trauma survivor #religious trauma

[exmovibes]

I spend a lot of time on here ranting about how angry i am at the church and how much growing up mormon fucked me up. And I want to switch it up a bit.

Things I'm grateful for since leaving the church

The right to my body. I look forward to every new piercing and tattoo I get. I'm almost 1 year on T. Every day, my body is looking more and more like home

The right to my own money. it's so nice to own all the money I earn. I'm not stressed about covering bills or the guilt I would get when I wasn't able to pay tithing. It's honestly so freeing

The right to my sexual desires. It's taken me a while, but masturbation and watching porn no longer fills me with guilt. I'm able to enjoy sexual things and the way they make me feel, without feeling awful about myself. Once I made that switch in my mind, that anything sexual is natural and not inherently wrong, my life has been so much better

The right to my own time. I posted about this a few weeks ago, and let me tell you. Having an additional 5+ hours of time a week to just do whatever, you can do so much. I reorganized my whole room last week while my family was at church. I've been learning sign language while waiting for my brother to be done with mutual. I've picked up book binding and writing during the times my family was at the temple.

The right to consumption. While I absolutely do not advocate for the use of drugs or alcohol, I'm able to enjoy a night out with my friends. I can share a blunt and take shots (of the alcohol variety) without the fear of god looming over me. I can drink coffee and tea without even batting an eye anymore.

I promise you. It does get easier to live life. It's taken me a lot of work, but I'm no longer fully mentally tied to the church. I've still got a lot to work on, but I'm starting to understand the appeal of just living. Taking every day and making the most of it.

For those of you who are pimo, hang in there. I was pimo for 5 years so I get it. It's really fucking hard, but eventually your life will be yours to do with as you please.

Love yall, (p.s. in 9 days I'll be a year inactive!!)

#exmo #exmormon #ex mormon #excult #ex mo #religious trauma #ex cult #cult survivor #exlds

[roachliquid]

It's been my observation that when a lot of people think of cults, they imagine something temporary. A founder starts something, people join up, a few decades to by, the founder dies, the group falls apart.

In practice, this is often not the case. Cults can survive the death of their leaders, and depending on the circumstances, can even be made (at least temporarily) stronger for it. They often last long enough to form splinter groups, sometimes with new members of the community stepping up to take the leader's place, sometimes not. And then those groups can last another few decades before splintering off again, restarting the cycle and keeping the horrors alive for another generation. Sometimes they don't need to splinter, because they've picked up enough momentum to be self-perpetuating, a successive series of replacement leaders keeping the momentum going.

Cults can go back centuries. And this is something that is so, so important for people to understand, because often when they hear that you were the victim of cult abuse they assume that you were inducted into it - and of course, that does happen and is no less horrible, but it's a markedly different experience from being raised in it from the time of your birth.

Being taught nothing, nothing, outside of what the cult teaches and the bare minimum needed to survive.

Internalizing, as a child with no independent access to information, the message that you need the cult and would be irrevocably doomed without it.

The horrifying trauma, when you finally discover (if you finally discover) that it's all bunk, of realizing that your entire life up to this point has been built on a lie. The years you spent being miserable, being terrified, doing your best not to fall from the cult's graces, were all for nothing. Wondering what you could have been and done during that time, and knowing that it was stolen from you and you will never get it back.

Literally not knowing anyone outside the cult, and having to find your own way despite the fact that your parents deliberately never taught you how. Having to completely rebuild yourself as a person, because who you were before this point was a creature built to serve, not to think or make choices or grow in new directions. Having to accept that a world you were taught to fear and despise is the only place where you really belong, and adjust to living in it and not shrinking fearfully from every stranger who crosses your path.

And when you try to talk about what happened to you, no one understands. They can only imagine a childhood like their own, born and raised with the freedom to choose, and they act as if you somehow chose, as if the people who indoctrinated you presented your infantile self with two equally well-argued possibilities and then simply urged you to pick one in specific. They see the cult from the outside, and of course it's ridiculous, of course it's horrible, why would anyone willingly submit to that?

No one does. Cults don't run on willing converts, they run on deception and coercion. Imagine that all that started before you were old enough to walk, and was the only life you knew for the first twenty years. I didn't choose to be a cult member, my mom quite literally picked it out for me.

I did get out, eventually. It wasn't a matter of being smart enough; it was a combination of luck, unmonitored Internet access, and some of the very traits my parents drilled into me backfiring on them hilariously. Not everyone is as lucky as I was. Not everyone has the means and the incentive to find their way out. My parents were born into the cult and they will die in it.

That might be what hurts the worst - losing the people who were my whole world as a child, because they're too afraid to consider that they might have been wrong.

#cults #cult abuse #ex cult #cult survivor #trauma #religious abuse

[disqualified-human-1103]

Praying to god feels like sobbing in the living room while your father sits in his recliner and doesn’t notice

#bpd vent #actually borderline #actually bpd #bpd feels #actually traumatized #bpd shit #bpd stuff #personal vent #trauma survivor #bpd favorite person #religious trauma

[cultsurvivorsafe]

Cult survivors deserve peace. Cult survivors deserve safety. Cult survivors deserve happiness.

#and yes this includes you #ex cult #cult survivor #cult #cults #religious abuse #religious trauma #organized abuse #spiritual abuse #ramcoa #ptsd #cptsd #recovery #cult recovery #trauma #trauma recovery #positivity #healing #trauma healing

[chronicallyadhdexmo]

idk but when I was a kid I would read constantly as a form of escapism and then when I was finally yanked from my fantasy world and into the real one I had dissociated so hard that there was a cognitive dissonance that made me try to rationalize that the real world was wrong and that I belonged in the fantasy world.

my parents would take away my book and put me on a church pew and I would become genuinely distressed because I was trying to remember what fantastical thing was happening to me.

idk, something something cults and not feeling safe in your real life.

#parker talks #parker is an exmo #exmo #exmormon #apostake #ex cult #cult survivor #ex lds #religious trauma

[sky-daddy-hates-me]

I'm not sure if I'll ever recover from believing that fearing someone is a crucial aspect of loving someone and I fully blame Christianity for that.

God-fearing is such a fucked up term especially since its viewed as a positive thing.

#ex jw #ex jehovah's witness #jehovah's witnesses #religious trauma #exjw #cult survivor #ex christian #ex cult #apostate #possible tw

[ourstaturestouchtheskies]

art history playlist moodboard – religious trauma

Joan of Arc’s Death at the Stake – Hermann Stilke // The Penitent Magdalene – Giambattista Pittoni // Christ Crucified – Diego Velázquez // The Penitent Mary Magdalene – Carl Fröschl // Christ Crucified – Diego Velázquez // Christian in Prayer – Max Nonnenbruch // Lilith – John Collier // The Martyrdom of Saint Sebastian – Francisco de Zurbarán // Penitent Magdalene – Jerónimo Jacinto de Espinosa 

#happy easter to those who celebrate and especially to my fellow religious trauma survivors #your experiences are valid and it's okay if things are hard today and i love you #art history playlist moodboards #charlotte's playlists #religous trauma #joan of arc #jeanne d'arc #saint joan of arc #mary magdalene #saint sebastian #lilith #crucifix #crucifiction #martyr #martyrdom #diego velazquez #max nonnenbruch #john collier #francisco de zurbarán #music #my music taste #music moodboard #art #art history #tw blood #tw violent imagery #tw skull #tw religion #tw religious trauma