#audrey/kellie's rambles

[tarpitbell]

10:30 / *5:27 / *9:14

This is the journal(ish) I've talked about before. Or, I'm going to be treating it as a journal. This is just my vent account though.

My main blog ( @sotogalmo ) will only reblog the most important posts, while the rest is going to stay on this blog.

Very “semi-personal” entries are going to be under the “read more”. I do advise for you to not interact with those posts if the tags trigger something (but I cannot fully stop you from reading my posts). — all of my posts are (kinda) 'semi-personal' though. But some time I know I'll make some non-personal entries, some day.

I suggest you turn on the setting to see the day on my posts, since the time can be weird for others. But it's alright if you don't do that.

But do know, that my typing quirk is setting the time on top. If that bothers you, then I suggest you don't hang around here or my main blog(I do that there too).

Emojis: to explain why my posts are the way they are ↓

🕵️‍♂️🌂 -> Shuichi Saihara, DRV3

🌘🕵️‍♂️🕳️🧿 and 🟦🤖 -> Avoid/Detach Eye & Blue Robot.

⚡🔥 🐍👾-> Raph, TMNT12/TMNT:MM, Needlem0use & Nemesis/Surge

🔮🩹 -> Casey Jr, ROTTMNT: Movie

🫧🩺 -> Gaster mixed with rise Leo?

👁️‍🗨️⛳🧩 -> Tony Becker: GGY FNAF

🐕‍🦺🐕⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐🌕 -> Servant.

🕷️🌸🦚💞💞 -> Voice of the Smitten & Angel Dust(ish)

🍝🍊 -> THE GREAT PAPYRUS!

🧸🌀 -> CC

Shuichi: remembering, finding out, piano music & stars. Justice seeking and friendship.

Avoid/Robot: detachment, wanting to be detached from a situation/feeling detached from a situation. Feeling robotic or even sounding robotic/too formal. Only when talking about trauma(or just anything serious)

Raph/Needlem0use/Nemesis/Surge: my anger part. Quite obviously and is most present almost all of the time. Many faces for that part but you get the idea

Casey: family issues part. Finding comfort in ROTTMNT/how families are portrayed in ROTTMNT.

🩺🫧: mentality, “fascinating”, “oh! my apologies!”, old timey quotes(??), fancy talk part

Tony: Casey & Shuichi mix. Tony is all about how families work and how friendships work. Mainly will be talking about siblings and what I have left of them in my mind

Servant: how I act in school/me just following rules

Smitten & Angel Dust: love, desires, relationships(romantic), sexual & emotional intimacy part of myself. Also sin, since that connects very much to desires (for me). Validation as well

PAPYRUS: only(maybe?) in all caps. Bravery, autism autisming. General excitement!! Very expressive part of me

CC: little me/me feeling little. Mainly just gonna be emojis of plushies or talk of toys. Ig (if something so serious happens and I regress into them)

I separate a lot of my feelings to be their own characters. And then those characters would be then influenced by other characters. And then they just become different parts of me.

#audrey/kellie's rambles #all is semi-personal so if you hate that. you can leave #sotogalmo will only reblog important posts #just a place where i can write about my emotions and all #⚡🔥🐍👾 #🕵️‍♂️🌂 #🌘🕵️‍♂️🕳️🧿 #🔮🩹 #🫧🩺 #👁️‍🗨️⛳🧩 #🐕‍🦺🐕⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐🌕 #🍝🍊 #🧸🌀 #🟦🤖

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

Lara Flynn Boyle is literally so pretty :o

#hold on I'm confusing my dark haired actresses from the late 80s/90s #sherilyn fenn is... audrey? and then lara flynn boyle is another character on twin peaks #I'm too tired and don't know any of this well enough to keep up #anyway lara flynn boyle plays a d.a. on this show I'm watching (the practice) and she is. so pretty #can't get a read on her character though she's a bit sketchy but also seems generally decent #something about her voice is just... very nice to listen to also #also yes this is the same show where anna gunn plays an a.d.a. it's kinda funny #I'm firmly convinced that they cast kelli williams as lindsay because of some kind of hollywood variety scully effect #she has a passing resemblance to specifically pilot scully except lindsay is about 15 times more hyper than scully ever was #anywhomst. i sleepy now #Lu rambles #the practice

[thrina-thrina-on-the-wall]

Stealing this tag from @taleweaver-ramblings. My url in song titles. Taken from my long favourite list on Spotify, not duplicating artists despite wanting to do two Casting Crowns songs.

N- Nobody by Casting Crowns

I - I've Been Here Before by Sara Groves

A - All The Waves by Valencia James

N - New Song Blanca by Jason Grey

I - I Shall Not Want by Audrey Assad

A - At Last, the King by The Grey Havens

O - Open Heaven by Naomi Raine

N - (Never Gonna) Steal My Joy by Mandisa

T - This is the Stuff by Francesca Battistelli

H - Have You Seen My Holy Saviour by Colin Buchanan

E - Every Breath by Keith and Kristyn Getty

W - When All of This is Over by Sam Bowman

A - Amazing Grace. I love the Celtic Thunder arrangement

L - Living Word by Nathan Tasker

L - Land of a Thousand Dreams by Byrne and Kelly

#tag game #only jesus and one awkward moment are good songs

[somedayonbroadway]

So about that Radio Rebel AU... 👀

I’m oddly excited about this one. I love the concept of this movie, it’s so interesting.

Radio Rebel AU

Characters

Racetrack Higgins — Tara Adams

Rafaela — Stacy DeBane

Spot Conlon — Gavin

Albert DaSilva — Audrey Sharma

Obadiah Weisel — Principal Moreno

Jack Kelly — DJ Cami Q

Coffee Bean — Kim

Hot Shot — Gabe

JoJo De La Guerra — Larry

Buttons — Barry

Alright so…

Antonio Higgins never claimed to be outgoing. He never wanted to be popular or even really put himself out there. What he knew he was, was shy. Well, if having severe social anxiety meant being shy, then, yeah… that’s what he was. People terrified him and the mere thought of talking to some of them could send him into a full blown anxiety attack.

Therapy had helped once. But he didn’t go anymore. High school kept him pretty busy. Not to mention his ride had gotten busy with someone else. Walking was just too much. He just didn’t care enough. He would shut himself in his room for the rest of his life and never come out.

That is, until he found out he’d be getting a new stepdad. And that came with a new stepbrother.

Everything happened so fast and Race couldn’t keep up. His step brother was some radio host who loved attention and parties. Race knew he’d been the popular kid in school who played sports and got any date he wanted.

Jack was so open with people.

Race wasn’t.

When Jack starts coming around more, Race finds himself getting jealous of how easily Jack connects with people. Jack puts himself out there in everything he does. He’s a radio host, he’s got a lot of friends. He’s a singer and a songwriter and he plays guitar and he plays sports and everybody loves him. Even Race’s own mother who seems to like having Jack around more than him.

Eventually, when Race and Jack are forced to hang out a bit, Jack tells Race that he didn’t always used to be so outgoing, that he had to work up to it. He hadn’t had the easiest childhood. He tells Race a bit about it, being the more talkative one of the two of them. He admits that his father hadn’t always necessarily been the most loving, affectionate guy. He admits to Race that his dad was a drunk and that he used to get so out of it that he’d beat him. With the bruises and the scars, Jack never wanted anyone to notice. But after his dad got help, straightened himself out and took himself and his son to therapy and worked hard for years and years and still tried to make it up to him, Jack found himself wanting to allow himself to let more people into his life.

He wanted to finally be heard when he struggled through forgiving his dad.

So he started his own mini radio show. He was in high school when it all started.

Without any prompting, Jack pulls out a laptop and shows Race how he did it. He shows him how cool it is to put on his own show and then he stops because he knows he’s rambling. He tells Race that the show really did help him grow, though and make friends and be a part of society.

Eventually, Jack’s dad went back to work at a radio station that he’d run before and he brought Jack on as a host. His radio host name is Jay K and his show focuses a lot on how to stay positive even when bad things are going on in the world or in people’s lives specifically.

Race listened to his show every day that it’s on. But he doesn’t tell Jack that. Jack’s a cool college guy. He’s just his awkward step brother who has trouble getting out two words to someone and whose mother has to order food for him whenever they go out to eat.

But something about Jack’s show makes him want his own.

So he makes one. And he calls it Radio Rebel.

He locks himself in his room and puts on some headphones and just… starts talking.

And people listen.

They like his taste in music and what he has to say about the world they live in, the awful truths of high school and he asks why it has to be that way, why kids are supposed to respect adults who talk down to them and don’t care what’s going on in their lives. He challenges the rules that they’re being told and the things they’re being taught and the biases that people have and how teachers play favorites.

And the best part of all of it? No one knows it’s him.

Radio Rebel is a mystery.

He has one friend at school. Albert DaSilva. Albert broke into his shell and is the only person Race ever talks to really. Albert is constantly trying to help Race overcome his fears of talking to people. Eventually, he even tricks Race into taking drama with him.

The first day of classes, Race knows he made a mistake, if it’s not the participation grade that’s introduced to him it’s the fact that the guy he’s had a crush on since the sixth grade is in that class for his art credit and the girl who’s been making everyone’s life hell since forever is also there with her ever present sidekick.

The first day of class, the first day, and Race gets picked on by the teacher to write down a scene suggestion. He freezes in front of the class, his hand shaking as he tries to function like a normal person.

See, when he was young, his father died. His father had been the person he looked up to above all else. He was so happy all the time, even when he got sick. After that, it was like a little part of Race died with him and he just never knew how to communicate his feelings anymore. He didn’t know how to function in society because he spent most of his time as a child at his dying father’s bedside instead of out with children his own age.

At least, that’s what he thinks.

Even as he’s clearly terrified, Rafaela, a walking nightmare, decides that this is the perfect time to make fun of him. So Race, still trembling, tries to go back to his seat, knocking down the popular girl’s books and then he tries to pick them up, only hitting his head beneath her desk.

He looked up to find Spot staring at him. Spot Conlon, the hottest boy Race had ever known, was staring at him like he was some kind of freak. So Race ran, hiding in the bathroom completely humiliated.

He tries to calm himself down with some music. Though he still won’t admit it, his step brother’s music really does help him relax. He listens to it when he feels alone.

But in the hallway on his way to his next class, his principal, the ever irritating Mr. Wiesel, or, as Race likes to silently call him, Weasel, confiscates his third pair of headphones this semester, leaving Race to muddle through until he can go home and anonymously let his frustrations out with a microphone, some music and a voice scrambler. He plays one of Jack’s songs on the radio that day.

In the middle of his show, Race is jamming out to his song choice while he’s waiting to go back on when a knock comes at his door.

It’s his stepdad.

Race doesn’t hate the guy, he just barely knows him. They’re practically strangers living under the same roof. But, wanting to form a bond with his new step son, the man asks Race is he’d ever heard of someone called Radio Rebel, stating that the kid was some kind of local sensation and suggesting they listen to him together. Race tries to get rid of him, but doesn’t wanna be rude so he ends up giving in and continuing his show with the man in the room.

He’s terrified of what’s going to happen. His stepdad, however, offers him a job. He doesn’t wait for an answer before telling Race that he’s hired. That’s when Race is even more terrified.

It’s announced the next day that Radio Rebel is going to be on WORLD FM (i don’t know what it stands for). Race is horrified. And it doesn’t help that he has to blow off Albert in order to keep his identity a secret. His best friend is starting to get frustrated and Race knows it won’t be long before he’s had enough.

A couple days later, Race finds out that he will have to perform a Shakespeare scene in front of his whole class with two partners. Rafaela and Spot. Because of course it would be them

On Race’s first day at the studio, his step dad tries to give him a tour of the place only to lose him. Race runs off and tries to find an empty room to have a panic attack in. He only ends up finding Jack in the kitchen. Jack immediately greets him and tells him how happy he is that he tried to put himself out there and he’d tell Race how much he liked his show and how it encouraged so many people to just be themselves and have fun. But Jack turns around for one second to finish pouring himself some coffee, only to turn around and have the room be seemingly empty.

Having been on the verge of a breakdown for days, Race is hiding between the wall and the refrigerator, unable to barely breathe. When Jack finally finds him, he starts rambling, not knowing what to do or say. He tells Jack how scared he is and how different it is to go from pretending no one’s listening to knowing that everyone is.

Eventually, Jack coaxes him out of his hiding spot and gives him a soda, sitting him down and telling him that everybody gets nervous. Even him. He tells Race that it doesn’t help to feed into it and continue telling himself how scared he is, but instead use the adrenaline to hype himself up.

Race actually benefits from the talk and thanks Jack. Jack just tells him that’s what brothers are for before going to show him the ropes. He gives Race a small tour of his live room and explains to him how everything works and lets Race get in a practice run. It doesn’t go extremely well. But Jack just tells him he’ll be great, just like he was when he was alone, and then he’d tell Race that he had fifteen second before he was live and he’d go into the next room to watch and listen and help if Race needed it. Race shuts himself in the room, trying to pretend he’s alone before his show starts up.

He falls back into an easy rhythm.

His show is an immediate hit.

At the end of his show, he talks about the hierarchy of high school and how it’s all a bunch of crap. How differences shouldn’t be outlined as a bad thing and everyone should just learn how to accept each other. Then he asks every listener to wear red the next day, just to show that they were all equal.

He shows up to find a sea of red at school the next day. People were listening.

Albert is still mad at him.

Race tries to just continue on but after having to rehearse his scene with Spot and Rafaela, he just feels overwhelmed and practically begs Albert to talk to him again. When Albert still tries to refuse, he pulls him into an empty hallway and finally tells his best friend that he’s the guy everybody loves so much. Albert almost doesn’t believe him but eventually just kind of hugs him and tells him how proud of him he is.

After school, Race agrees to rehearse the scene with Spot and Rafaela and after being berated a bit by Rafaela, Spot encourages Race to stand up for himself and push back against Rafe, who’s acting as their director.

Race finally admits that in this scene of Romeo and Juliet, the audience would only get real emotion from them if they were closer. Spot is Mercutio and Race is Romeo.

Race has adored Spot for so long. He was always just so genuine and yeah, he was a tough guy, originally from Brooklyn, who plays sports and works out, but he was also in a band. He played guitar.

And after this particular rehearsal, he accidentally leaves behind a demo of his band. And Race picks it up.

Race uses it on his show later as he encourages everybody who’s listening to just get up and dance at eight o’clock tomorrow and just go crazy. Jack and Race dance to it in the studio and Race’s stepdad gets a small video of it, loving how well his boys are getting along now. This is the most of the real Race either of them have ever truly seen.

The next morning, when a full on dance part breaks out, Race gets to dance with Spot for a split second before Rafaela joins in with her weird, jerky movements just to get on his nerves. It’s only moments later that Radio Rebel is threatened by the principal to turn himself in now.  

The principal is not happy with the encouragement from this mystery person to disobey school policy and dance instead of focus on classes and work. He then states that anyone caught listening to Radio Rebel during school hours will be expelled.

But that only gives Race an idea.

He runs to Jack who he feels more comfortable with now than he’s sure he’d ever felt with anyone before and asks him for a favor.

The next day at lunch, Jack shows up with a WORLD FM van and gives the kids a special lunchtime dance party, making sure he’s right on the border of city property as a recording of Race tells everybody that they were taking lunchtime back and making it theirs again.

Weasel is not happy and gets it in his head that the minute he finds out who Radio Rebel is, he will be expelling them.

Later that night, after Jack’s show, Race stays to watch Jack record a new song he’d written with a small team of people. Race is a little nervous still, but feels comfortable enough with Jack there. Jack is singing and playing guitar for this new track (Burnout. A song Jeremy Jordan did in fact write) that Race sort of inspired him to write after opening up to him and telling him about his crush and how he doesn’t know how to talk to him. But while trying to record, something just sounds wrong and Race offhandedly points out that he needs a bottom harmony. So Jack tells him to get into the booth and grab a microphone.

And they record a song together.

The next night, Jack lets him play it on his show.

Jack can see Race starting to open up and gain confidence and just be himself. And he’s so happy for him.

A couple days later, Albert pulls Race into the janitor’s closet to tell him the news. Radio Rebels was nominated for Prom King. Race is immediately terrified and starts having a panic attack as he says he has to stop doing the show because no one can know who he is. Albert calms him down and drives him to the studio where they park three blocks away and wear hoodies and sunglasses to try and hide their faces.

Race finally shows Albert where the magic happens and introduces him to another one of his favorite radio hosts, Jay K.

Just before his show starts, Race’s stepdad makes an appearance, telling him that they have to cancel the show. Outraged by this sudden turn of events, Race asks the man why and he explains that Principal Wiesel just called and that if he finds out who Radio Rebel is, he’ll be expelled and that he’s Race’s stepdad first.

Race just says no. He says that he didn’t come this far to get shut down and he didn’t bend the rules just to be cornered by some lonely, bored old man (Weasel). And his stepdad says that’s the most he’d ever heard Race speak, not Radio Rebel, and that he’s on in fifteen.  

He turns back to Jack who gives him a thumbs up and a grin.

That night, Race asks people to share their fears, to stop being afraid of admitting they’re afraid. He gets calls immediately.

The last call he takes is from Spot. He tells Race that he’s afraid to do his own thing. See, his band used to be made up of his best friends but they only want to make loud, superficial music while Spot wants to make something real. Race admits he was terrified to do his own thing too. He looks at Jack as he said he had somebody who believed in him and told him that if he wanted to, he could make a real difference. And then he’d tell Spot that he believed in him and could do the same.

When Race gets home that night, his mother is waiting up for him, waiting to tell him how proud she is of him and how he inspires people to be themselves and that she knows he’s teaching himself some things along the way too.

The next day, however, the school gets some disastrous news. Weasel is cancelling the prom until Radio Rebel reveals themselves.

Race is devastated. He knows people are gonna destroy him for this.

Sure enough, he’s greeted with an angry mob on his way to the studio. He tried to blend in. Jack meets him at the front doors, trying to figure out a way to get him inside without anyone noticing. So, he pulls a hood over his head and starts running to draw away the crowd while Race and Albert sneak inside.

Eventually, once Jack gets back in the show starts. And it’s brutal.

Race gets through several calls of people yelling at him and calling him names and telling him how much they hate him and Jack can see Race start to shake. So the second they take a music break, Jack goes in and hugs him. It’s the first time in a long time Race can remember being held like this. He cries a bit and tells Jack he’s gonna come clean and Jack discourages that, telling his little brother how backwards this all was.

And that gives Race an idea.

On his way out of the building, the mob is still there, so they ask some guy dressed as a sandwich to distract the crowd while they get away. And he does.

The next morning, WORLD FM hijacks the high schools PA system and announces that WORLD FM will be throwing the school a Morp instead of a Prom. Race recorded himself saying that a Morp was a celebration and encouraged people to come as they are. No limos, no hundred dollar dresses or suits, just a party that celebrates them.

And everyone loves it.

Except for Rafaela, of course. Race teasingly encourages her to call in and tell Radio Rebel her frustrations about the prom court. Later that night, on Race’s show, he talks about prom court, giving Rafe the suspicion that it’s been him all along. So Rafaela decides to find a way to prove it and get Race expelled.

She invites the whole school to a party at her house during Radio Rebels broadcast. Whoever doesn’t show up is the person they’re looking for.

Only… Race shows up.

At the studio, Jack and Race’s mom are going crazy trying to figure out the recordings they made of Race and are trying to navigate a call with Rafaela who calls in only screwing up a line and trying to push her off the phone. Race then finally calls in and tells Jack to patch him into the show. Jack does and Race has to run around Rafaela’s house to hide from her while he takes her phone call.

Race finds her room and remembers that when they were young, Rafe used to dress up in dresses and tiaras at school. Race used to be so jealous of how comfortable she was just being herself. Race tells her that when she walks in before he runs out to find Albert.

A few minutes later, Rafaela sends out her best friend Coffee Bean to “deliver a pizza” to WORLD FM. To end this once and for all. Coffee Bean ends up recording Jack and Race’s mom talking about how far Race had come and how proud they were of him. She also gets a bit of Jack talking about his own past. She feels bad, knowing that Jay K had such a traumatic past. He always kept it a mystery to his listeners. But that’s not as important as finally busting Race.

A few days later is the day of their drama scene presentation. Rafaela tricks Race into following her into the janitor's closet before she locks him in there. He knows Spot will hate him if he misses their scene and he also knows that he hates small spaces.

He calls Jack to beg for help and Jack literally runs to him and gets him out while people are still in class. He calms Race down enough for Race to try and get through the day.

But Rafaela finds Race right after school. She plays the recording, telling him that she knows who he is. Race tries to explain that that doesn’t prove anything but Rafe threatens to forward it to the whole school. Race can’t have that happened, not only to keep his identity safe but also to protect the secrets of his step brother and his step dad from getting out. If people found out the guy who ran WORLD FM was a former alcoholic who used to beat his son, that wouldn’t be good. Race knew that. So he does what Rafaela tells him to do and tells the whole school to vote Rafaela for Morp Queen.

Albert however, after talking to Race and finding out what happened, tells Spot the story of him getting locked in the closet.

Spot confronts Rafaela who he was supposed to be going to morp with and immediately breaks it off, telling her that he’ll be going alone.

The next night is morp. Jack is DJing and Spot’s band has a small time slot. But that’s not what has everyone hyped.

No, what has everyone hyped is that they know who’s gonna be crowned prom king.

Jack announces it. It’s Radio Rebel.

Race panics for a moment before he realizes that he can’t keep hiding. He finds a mic backstage and starts talking, telling everyone how scared he was and how this was all even scarier. He reveals that he didn’t know he could feel so much like himself until now. Then he walks out onstage and reveals himself.

Weasel laughs from the crowd as people cheer. He grabs the mic and tells Race that he’s expelled in front of the whole school and Jack stands protectively in front of him, ready to give Weasel a piece of his mind before Albert shouts out that he’s Radio Rebel. Spot follows suit. And suddenly, the whole crowd is admitting to being Radio Rebel.

So Weasel backs down.

And then Spot gets up on stage to sing a song dedicated to a boy that isn’t afraid to ask a dancing sandwich for help. After this, he reveals to Race that he’s always been afraid to be himself and asks Race to help him do just that, asking him to dance and kissing him in front of the crowd.

And Race thinks just maybe he’s not afraid anymore.

For more Mood Boards and AUs, click here!

#weepingwyllow #newsies #newsies live #newsies musical #newsies au #radio rebel #racetrack higgins #jack kelly #spot conlon #albert dasilva #rafaela #angst #much love #social anxiety #mentions of child abuse #past child abuse #obadiah weasel #high school #modern au #modern newsies #modern era #radio host #radio dj #brotherly bonding

[oh-sewing-circle]

" 'The Lady Eve changed both of our lives,' Edith Head would remember. 'It was Barbara's first high-fashion picture and her biggest transition in costuming. Barbara was quite trim and had a better shape than most of the other actresses around. She possessed what some designers considered to be a figure 'problem' —a long waist and a comparatively low rear end. By widening the waistbands in front of her gowns and narrowing them slightly in the back, I could still put her in straight skirts, something other designers were afriad to do, because they thought she might look too heavy in the seat. I just took advantage of her long waist to create the illusion that her derriere was just as perfectly placed as any other star's.' Head was born Edith Claire Posener, in San Bernardino, east of Los Angeles. She was married to a sales executive, Charles Head, and, because she was a Catholic, stayed married when she and Stanwyck met on the set of Internes Can't Take Money in 1937.

She dressed Elizabeth Taylor, Bette Davis, Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Paul Newman, and Robert Redford, and her pacifying manners with tempermental stars and directors and her quiet authority made them insist on her being rehired on their next pictures. Her biggest professional regret was not designing for Greta Garbo. She divorced Charles Head in 1938 and married art director Wiard Boppo "Bill" Ihnen. She called him her "best friend," and the two of them led separate lives except in their Coldwater Canyon home, where they gardened and collected art together. The marriage lasted thirty-nine years until his death, at ninety-one.

Like Stanwyck, Edith was secretive and dreaded any talk about sexuality, her own or anyone else's. Her lesbianism was widely known, but she kept her distance from the many actresses she dressed with the exception of Stanwyck and Robert Taylor, who were frequent guests at Edith's and Bill's rambling hacienda. Said author Paul Rosenfield, 'Edith was a terribly closeted, discreet lesbian who had little use for most women as individuals or associates.' "

-From The Sewing Circle: Female Stars Who Loved Other Women by Axel Madsen

#Edith Head #Barbara Stanwyck #ugh didn't know about these two #sewing circle #lesbianism #fashion designer #classic film #queer history #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbt+ #lesbian history #lesbian women #Elizabeth Taylor #Bette Davis #Grace Kelly #Audrey Hepburn #Paul Newman #Robert Redford #Greta Garbo #Robert Taylor #The Lady Eve #Internes Can't Take Money

[117--087]

Where is sam mendez grown up legacy story?

Hoo-boy. Well to be perfectly honest it’s socked away in my brain along with the dozens of other Halo-related stories, art, projects, etc. that will never see the light of day due to my own lack of creative talent & motivation.

But I’d hate to leave you totally empty handed here, Anon. So how about a basic outline of the pieces of the story I got figured out so far (with much help from my co-captain @firerwolf)…feel free to read more under the cut!

Something I kind of wanted to “remedy” with this idea is how quickly the galaxy has been unraveling the Forerunner’s & Ancient Humanity’s history and secrets in current Halo canon. The way I figure, empires that expansive and ancient would take a few generations to really uncover and figure out. So my thought is that once the Spartan-IIs have helped stop the current immediate conflicts going on, the galaxy enters a bit of a lull as everyone finally gets to focus on rebuilding their own civilizations and trying to heal whilst strengthening new alliances.

Everyone in the current main cast basically retires and relocates, or takes on more administrative type roles, etc. With John and Kelly settling down, adopting the surname Mendez, and having a son together that they name Samuel. As much as his parents wanted to perhaps steer him away from military service, having grown up with stories of his family’s exploits Sam can’t help but feel called to become a Spartan himself. He gets through basic training & the augmentations with ease, and is subsequently placed on a new/experimental special ops team consisting of two humans and two Sangheili. The humans being himself, and Lasky & Palmer’s daughter Audrey (who’s also a newly-minted Spartan). The Sangheili are one of the Arbiter’s daughters named Shal, and Dath who is the son of two spec-op Elite OCs.

From there they embark on missions and adventures across known space. A big part of their challenge is simply navigating the new political environment of the galaxy. As well as figuring out more about the connection between the Forerunners, Ancient Humanity, and the Precursors/Flood. All of these characters also have to work on reconciling who they are as individuals with the larger-than-life legacies left by their parents and predecessors, and come together as a mixed team. They’ll have to forge their own path ahead as they work to help keep the galaxy united against threats new & old (i.e. reformed Covenant/Banished threats & possible Flood resurgence).

…So essentially this is my version of a Phase Three (Bungie’s games = Phase One, 2012-Current 343i’s games = Phase Two)/Next Gen Haloverse - sort of like what the ‘Gears of War’ franchise is doing right now. It would delve more into Ancient Human lore and other cool concepts from the Forerunner Saga…and basically move the story forward in a way the Halo franchise at large is way too scared to do right now.

It’s a fun idea for an AU for certain. And maybe someday I’ll do something substantial with it. But for now this and a few additional rambles & doodles is all I have to show for it. Still, one dares to dream now and again. I’ve decided to make a #Living Legacy tag for this AU as well in case anything does get added in the future.

Side note: I like to imagine Sam wearing an updated version of the HELLCAT MJOLNIR, to build on the theme of connecting the past & future…though perhaps with a new/different helmet more reminiscent of his father’s “classic” MJOLNIR for good measure. ;)

#Anonymous #asks #Living Legacy #AU #Halo #fanfiction

[vera-ellen]

dumb question, and it's probably rude to ask i guess? was vera-ellen anorexic? ever since I saw White Christmas i heard the rumors and since you're the expert i thought i'd ask you?

I’m so sorry, I didn’t get a notification for this! I can’t really give you a for-sure answer, but it’s not a dumb question! It’s nice of you to ask, a lot of the comments I see online just throw it out like it’s fact. 

I honestly don’t know, and no one can ever say for sure, since there’s a lot of evidence both ways, first and foremost being her tiny figure. There was certainly something strange about her eating habits, but I think that was rooted in her childhood, since her mother apparently tried all sorts of different health food diets when Vera was young. Obviously she lost a lot of weight, but she’s also said that she lost an average of 5 lbs per dance routine (likely due to how hard and often she rehearsed for them). And she seemed to have gained weight between Wonder Man and The Kid from Brooklyn, which probably made the weight loss look more drastic, since she’s already a little bean of muscle in Wonder Man. And she didn’t fear gaining weight, she did gain a few pounds after White Christmas, and when she married Victor, but she liked to stay thin since she thought she danced better that way, her feet barely touched the ground, as she once said. In her biography somewhere, a friend of hers (I think A.C Lyles but I’d have to double check) mentions how much she would eat when she went out, but she’d eat an incredible amount of healthy food, of which she said “my practice of eating healthy foods has only brought on a flock funny little stories”. And someone who was a friend of hers in the years after she retired, to her death, also contributed to her biography, stating that she was not anorexic.

I honestly just have a hard time believing she could dance with the energy that she did, if she had been battling anorexia for about 6 years between Words and Music and White Christmas. I think she’d look a lot worse than just being thin after 6 years of starving herself. There’s no question that something changed before Words and Music, but it could’ve just been her taking her dancing more seriously since starting film work, (I mean she was working alongside Gene Kelly, an actual dancer) and certainly practising more often once she started appearing in films. Since I think she took criticism very hard, I imagine she was trying to stay in the best shape possible. 

So, I can’t say for sure, nobody can, but even if there were some strange obsession with healthy food, and a crazy amount of dancing practice, I honestly don’t believe she was anorexic. I think she just loved dancing, and tried to better herself in every way to do it well, by practising every day, rehearsing to perfection, and having a fairly strict diet. I feel like maybe she just didn’t eat more than her usual diet to compensate for the weight she lost during filming, so maybe that’s why she’s so small in White Christmas, from the weight loss of previous films accumulating? She did a movie every year, sometimes 2, so I don’t think that possibility is totally unrealistic, but of course, only my own speculation. But she seemed very disciplined, so to me it seems like a possible explanation. I know this rambling tangent isn’t a great answer, certainly not a conclusive one, but unfortunately my opinion is the best I can offer, nothing can be proven at this point, most “facts” are just assumptions based on looking at her. But I feel like if Audrey Hepburn is looked at as elegant despite her being so thin, it makes no sense to me to look at Vera and think she looks gross. That last comment isn’t directed at you of course, I just mean in general, I’ve seen a lot of extremely harsh comments on some of her videos. That inconsistency has always bugged me. I know Audrey wasn’t anorexic, but the fact that they were both so thin, but of course Vera is “obviously anorexic”, it’s just never made sense.

Long story short, no one can possibly know for sure, because at this point no one knows enough about her day to day life to be able to do more than speculate. I’m also SO sorry this is so long. The anorexia thing gives me a lot of thoughts.

#faq #ask

[tarpitbell]

12:01

[👾 - - - i was all ⚡over ⚡(them)🔥]🐍

I hate how some of the kids are at school. Asking stupid questions of "why are we doing this?". And then saying "they won't need this".

My history teacher.. I feel bad for her.

She has to deal with them so much. But I am also dealing with them as well.

They annoy me.

I hate them.

They ask about why we need to learn History if we are not gonna use it in our lives.

But we are.

We need to know.

"Or else we are doomed to restart it".

Gaza, Palestine.

Other countries that are on the hit-list.

We have already restarted our history.

We restarted the Holocaust.

And you ask why we need to learn History?

Stupid.

All of you are stupid!

Full of cockroaches in your STUPID BRAINS!

Your brains are just becoming smaller and smaller.

Attention span waning and waning.

Your feelings declining.

Your smarts disappearing.

Your care for your body leaving you.

Your lives are going to become SO MISERABLE ONCE I EVEN LET MY FEELINGS TAKE CONTROL!

YOU ALL WILL DIE BEFORE YOU EVEN HIT YOUR 20S!

YOU ALL WILL BE KILLED BEFORE YOUR 20S!

YOU ALL WILL BE THE FUCKING FOOD THAT I WILL SEND TO HUNGRY HUMAN BEINGS!!

Because you all are, such HORRIBLE beings I've ever had to meet. That I've ever had to encounter.

I know....

That might've been.. unnecessary...

Because,

You all can change.

You all are 'good people'.

But for me...

You already left a mark, a whole new reason for my Wrath.

You left a lasting impression.

It's never leaving me.

All of your comments. All of your questions.

All of what you are in classes!

Never leaving me.

It's never going to leave me.

I do forget.

Feelings don't.

My mind truly doesn't forget.

Because all of YOU ARE SO STUPID AND DISGUSTING!

BECAUSE I AM A FOOL FOR EVER GOING BACK TO THAT CLASS!

I KNOW.

I know, I need to be in there.

But you all are pulling on my straws, and letting go.

Before you do it again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again.

I won't be the one killing you all.

I won't.

But you all will die before you're 20.

My friend? She's never going to make it due to her health and whatever she's been doing to herself.

She's not living til she's 17.

Or something else.

My wrath will only grow the more I have to hear you all.

It will be clawing at my throat. Wanting to snap.

I wish I had claws.

But I'll always be clawing at my eyes. (I WANT TO CLAW MY EYES OUT.)

Pulling my hair. (I WANT TO PUNCH MY GUTS OUT.)

But,

I'll always stay quiet.

Like a dog.

#audrey/kellie's rambles #⚡🔥🐍👾 #🐕‍🦺🐕⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐🌕 #anger #rage vent #PƏTA.sonic #sonic.peta #<- tagging him because of how i released my anger #i hate school #palestine #gaza #free palestine #free gaza #tw death threats #tw cannibalism #sorry for the death threats. my wrath is like that #it has evolved from wanting my family's innocence back. to getting revenge/making murder plans #ive looked at gorey images to get the ideas running. ive seen bodies of the dead. ive seen mutilations. ive seen brains #ive seen so much. ive always felt like this ever since i was young. 7? #i dont know. maybe that makes it worst? all ive known is wrath

[tarpitbell]

8:53

[👾 - - - 🐍animal]🔥⚡⚡

I hate that mom is seemingly making fun of me. For like. Growling or smth that makes me feel better. It takes the emotions off of my chest.

But she mimics me. I feel like she's mocking me.

I hate that.

I hate being mocked

I'm not just here to TRY and blow off some steam JUST for you to MIMIC ME, and basically ADD more stress to me.

This is why I just..don't believe in what she says about me.

She sounds fake, in the sense that her words are. I hate that she says she loves me. But when she mimics me it feels like her love is a joke.

It feels like she hates me.

It feels like that. AND I HATE IT.

ALL IM TRYING TO DO IS CALM DOWN. "Don't mess with the door!" IM TRYING. I JUST NEED TO CALM DOWN, AND I DO THAT BY PHYSICALLY HITTING AND BANGING AND SHIT!

That's all I've ever been around. I've been around that type of shit, so I adapted that type of calming down trick. I know IT FUCKING SUCKS AND IS SHIT. AND DOESN'T HELP AT ALL "ooo we are renting this house!"

THE OWNER OF THE FUCKING DOESN'T LIKE HIS HOUSE. COME ON!! HE BARELY FUCKING DOES HIS WORK AS YOU SAID SOME TIME BEFORE.

HE DOESN'T CARE FOR THIS HOUSE.

Fuck! We should just buy this house. It's for the fucking best.

you drive me insane. I hate you.

I really hate you. You make me crazy.

I hate you. I don't like that you want me to calm down the ways you do. Yes you don't pressure me to. But it feels like you are.

And I hate that

I hate everything!

WHY CANT I JUST COPE THE WAY I DO? HUH? WHY CANT I JUST LET OUT ANIMAL SOUNDS!?

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MIMIC ME? AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE YOUR MOCKING ME? you're not trying to. I understand. But every time I get angry. You seemingly mock me. You tell me to not "do this!" don't "do that!".

BUT WHY CANT I? WHY CANT NOT DO THEM, HUH? PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I FUCK ASS MEMORY. I BARELY REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY. HONESTLY THE ONLY THING THAT I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WAS THAT I WAS IN A CAR. ON THE HIGHWAY

That's it.

My memory is dog shit. My mental health is also dog shit: because I'm thinking I might have OSDD/DID! It's never left me. The symptoms are just- matching and I hate it!

You don't want me to end up like you, I get it! I do!

But I'm a person.

I was a kid.

I adapt.

My mind protects.

I grew up in a traumatizing household.

I couldve go to friends house! But no! You need to know the parents!

Well fuck off. If my friend is my friend, and their parents are fine with it. Then I'm just going to them. Look. I don't need you to be a mother hen.

You care. You don't want me to turn out like my other siblings.

I. Know.

But fucking grace of SPLINTER.

I just think that some times, you just need to calm down and know that's not fucking happening. I'm not going to die. I've never died in school.

I'm still here. Nothing fucking happened to me.

And I'm JUST FINE!

you worry too much it's kinda funny at times.

#audrey/kellie vents #all is semi personal so if you hate that. you can leave #audrey/kellie's rambles #mommy issues #anger vent #⚡🔥🐍👾

[tarpitbell]

7:39

🫧🩺/🌀🧸

I think it's funny how I've.. thought I've might be a system or something similar??

And it all happened because, I had a bit of a raw reaction to the whole "blood angel" method of death; breaking ribs and showing off the lungs.

Feeling like my wings were ripping off. My back was being pulled up for a reason I don't know. And the blood dripping from my shoulder blades - inside of my body -, to the ends of my back. <- not something related to it. What the hell. What the fuck is this (this ain't even the blood angel method. This just happened because I thought I knew what it was)

Anyways.

But it also had to deal with my reaction of XX with the song of "I don't wanna die" by the Unicorns.. (especially this part: "and there's no one to stop this. Nobody to loosen death's firm grip on me")

And then a few days later or so. I hallucinated fox masks. There were so many of them ... When I was just visiting my oldest sister. I saw the masks. Not just one

But many.

So much of them.

That I remember I drew it. But like-

It happened at night when I was re-playing a fnaf 4 song. I don't remember what it was called. But I would say it was my favorite one.

But then again.

I don't...

I don't know.....

#audrey/kellie's rambles #mental health #🫧🩺 #🌀🧸 #cc kin? #xx k #fnaf #<- why not. i talk about it lot in this post #especially: #fnaf 4 #. but also also. this is more so about #nightmare foxy #the whole mask thing #might as well say i was... somewhat on the brink of tears making this??? #i dunno. whenever i feel like CC ... like not just for fun. but like. slightly feel like him. or just any child #i start to cry..... and i hate that ......

[tarpitbell]

8:25

"I want you to get to school on time"

It's the last damn week before finals.

I fucking hate shit

#audrey/kellie's rambles

[tarpitbell]

4:50

"I can get worried at times"

I know.

I fucking know

I fucking know you get worried.

Sometimes I wonder why though.

"what are you up to??"

I'm alive.

Isn't that enough?

I'm living.

Isn't that what you all care for?

You don't want me dead.

You want me alive.

I'm alive.

That's enough, right?

"thank you (irl name)"

For what?

I'm just here.

How am I, helping?

How am I helpful?

Your not.

Mom's not.

No one's helpful!

So how AM I HELPFUL??

"have you been smiling?"

I'm not.

I'm scowling.

Im having a straight line of a mouth.

You care for little things.

You can't just come into my life and start being nice to me.

You just can't!

You can't!

You just can't be nice to me.

You can't

Actually stop being nice to me.

Stop trying to be a father to me.

Just stop it.

Please just stop it

#audrey/kellie's rambles #anger vent #i dont care #daddy issues

[tarpitbell]

3:55

🕷️🌸🦚💞💞

I remember that I have a picture saved.

Smth smth, having a garden of flowers = thinking of you

Well,

Now all of my flowers have dried up the moment,

We had to fall.

My garden is nothing but misery.

Doll eyes, black bats..

Who knows.

But... The pretty roses are now doll eyes.

Only remaining ones are all dried.

Rotten.

Makes me feel sick sometimes.

It's like they are trying to kill me again.

Make me shake.

Make me shake.

But I was too much.

Yet,

I will still remember you.

I will still love you.

You, the thought of you, helped me calm down when I was scared.

But now I'm scared.. or just nervous to even think of you.

You who once made my heart filled, now made a new crack.

Made me worse.

But of course! For your comfort, and with the knowledge you had, you wanted to break it off ...

When I was going to tell you I had discord so we can talk there again...

It had to be cut.

Snapping at my flowers.

Overflowing water.

No Sun

#🕷️🌸🦚💞💞 #ex boyfriend #audrey/kellie's rambles #ex lover #breakup #im still hung up on it. im so fucked up ... #flowers & garden as a metaphor for love #yeah .... #might be unhealthy of me to still think of this. but...

[tarpitbell]

Today just feels so fake

I know I just woke up

But it feels so fake

Like. It doesn't feel like a Friday

I hate being alive...

#i hate being alive #audrey/kellie's rambles #school day #i promised my teachers I'll be back today as well. #how am i supposed to tell them of me being likely depressed or smth??? #i hate myself

[tarpitbell]

My stomach hurts so bad

I don't want to leave my bed

I just need to sleep again

#audrey/kellie's rambles

[tarpitbell]

I want to die.

I want to kill myself.

I need to be gone.

I want to die

I'm the fucking worst

I'm the fucking worst.

I need to die

I need to die

#tw depressing thoughts #depressive #depressing thoughts #but i dunno if i do have depression..... #audrey/kellie vents #audrey/kellie's rambles #i want to disappear #i want to die #i need to disappear #im the fucking worst #i rlly need to. .. scar myself. because im simply just the worst!!!