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panncakes · 4 months

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the tragedy in night and day doesn't lie in the accident because day doesn't blame night for the accident (not really, not in the way night blames himself). the tragedy in night and day lies in day having wanted night to be his big brother but feeling like he had to take on that roll for night instead and night having wanted day to be his little brother who is as proud of him as he is of day but being unable to figure out how to get there before the accident. the tragedy lies in day not understanding why night couldn't step up until after day went blind ('im just so damn lucky to be blind') and their mother and the world started treating him like a tragedy; leaving him feeling like night has always been jealous of him and is only stepping up to take the place of the golden son of the family now that it's up for grabs. the tragedy lies in night not being able to communicate to day that he was always proud of him and that him showing up to his sporting events only after day went blind isn't because day is blind now but because he has always loved him and supported him ('this is my little brother. he's a junior athlete on the national team') but now it's impossible to convince day of his sincerity and night can't forgive himself. the tragedy of night and day lies in these brother not having been given the time to naturally grow out of this crooked brotherly dynamic that was put upon them and now they're stuck under all this weight both unable to leave the night of the accident when they're around each other. the tragedy in night and day is that tomorrow isn't guaranteed and they are too stuck in the past to look at today.

#last twilight #i have a lot of thoughts about feeling like you have to be the older sibling while you arent #i have a lot of thoughts about the sick pride and sadness that comes with being praised over your sibling for being the 'good one'#i also have a lot of thoughts about feeling like a failure compared to someone you love so deeply #about sibling rivalry and jealousy and the feeling like you are competing because of all this external pressure #when all you need is a brother #i have a lot of thoughts about a great many things concerning the mother and the father and the family dynamic and how #night and day were shaped into who they were and how it informed their relationship #about nights guilt and sadness and days anger and resentment #but in the end i just keep thinking about how day is the one who is called to pick night up when hes so drunk he cant walk #and how night gifted day a pet goldfish; named it little day and how despite days claims to hate the name and never wanting the pet #he never changed the name and watching the goldfish became the highlight of his day for a year #im very emotional about them and i need them to fucking talk soon okay

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herotune · 6 months

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in fair faerûn where we lay our scene.......

im a little late heading into wyll week and im so sad but here's an illustration for day 3: modern au!!!!

wyll gives me theater kid vibes and i think modern au wyll would Absolutely be an actor. and i think he'd be incredible in shakespeare adaptations and historical dramas... so i Had to redraw one of my favorite shots from baz luhrmann's romeo + juliet with him. a modern au in a modern au...its perfect 🎭

#bg3 #wyll week #wyllvember #wyll ravengard #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #wyllweek #shakespeare #my art #herotune #i replaced the crucifixes with the symbol for tyr btw cries #which is hopefully understandable 😭#i Need to go back n check what wylls reaction to the tyr paladins is again its been too long since i played that part in my current run #so hopefully including the symbol for tyr is appropriate weeps...i tried to figure out if theres a diety he follows n Could Not #so i just went w tyr because the symbol for him had a similar enough silhouette and i feel like gd of justice Very much fits wyll...#although theres also uhhhh helm gd of protection and i feel like that would suit him more i just didnt think the symbol for helm would work #its like. an eye on a gauntlet 😭.....#so uh. i. ended up going with tyr #anyway im so so sad im late to wyll week ;_; i love him and i DO have a lot of sketches ive not published of him yet #but i wanna do the prompts too. i do think ill be posting some of those drawings for the free day but i think im also gonna try to get #stuff out for the rest of the prompts even tho itll have to be after wyll week is over...#wait itd still be wyllvember tho :0 #his month...yessss im late but also im not. its fine.

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5ummit · 1 year

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It’s been 7 years since Civil War and I still mourn for the Bucky Barnes story we should’ve gotten.

I mourn for how quickly they showed him integrated back into society after CATWS. One moment he’s almost killing his best friend... and the next moment he’s living on his own and seems just fine. Sure, he’s a little quiet and awkward and sad, but he’s mostly pretty normal. Outside of the first half of Civil War, there’s very little evidence at all that would lead anyone to believe Bucky used to be the world’s most feared assassin, who was trained and molded into the perfect weapon through unimaginable pain and psychological manipulation. This man spent the better part of his life as a ruthless, mindless killing machine programmed to do nothing more than follow orders. You don’t just walk away from that without being fundamentally and irreversibly psychologically altered. Even the removal of the trigger words wouldn’t change that.

To clarify, I’m not talking about his lingering feelings of guilt and sadness. I think Seb has done a great job with getting that part across at least. I’m talking about his behavior. About way he interacts with other people and how he handles situations. He doesn’t act like a formerly-brainwashed ex-assassin who was treated as less than human for literal decades and who, by all accounts, should have the most severe form of PTSD known to man.

I just don’t buy the Bucky we see post-CATWS and particularly post-Civil-War. I don’t buy that Bucky would be joking around and flirting and basically acting like Just Some Guy – a grumpy guy but still Just Some Guy – and his recent haircut sure isn’t helping the situation either. That he wouldn’t always be a little bit on edge, a little bit animal (kinda like the way we see him at the beginning of Civil War but then never again). That being in the heat of battle wouldn’t sometimes make him either shut down or completely snap and go into a violent fugue state where he subconsciously reverts back to the brutally efficient methods of the Winter Soldier (we almost got this in TFATWS but they couldn’t commit).

Now maybe he received some absolutely incredible therapy in Wakanda. Maybe it worked wonders on him! The problem is I don’t buy it because I never saw it. I never got to see him struggle to learn how to be a person again. I never got to see him fight back against the thing Hydra turned him into.

It just sucks because I love everything about the concept of Bucky and the Winter Soldier, but the parts they’ve chosen not to show or address are, in my opinion, the most interesting parts of his character. But more than that, the lack of follow through and disconnect between what he was and who he seems to be now makes it really hard for me to see him as a fully-realized person in canon. It’s like my brain registers perfectly who he was in CATFA/CATWS and even kinda sorta now in TFATWS, but there’s this giant chasm in between them that mentally feels like fuzzy static.

How long did it take him to fully shake off the brainwashing and conditioning? When did he start thinking of himself as a human being with agency again? Did he ever have to fight the desire to return to Hydra, the only thing he’s known for 70 years, or was it an easy choice? How long did it take him to start recovering his memories? Has he recovered all of them? Does he now remember everything that happened before and during his time at Hydra? How long did it take him to stop flinching at every sound and expecting Hydra to track him down? How long did it take him to relearn how to interact with people like a normal person? How did he afford food and shelter between CATWS and CACW? How and why did he end up in Romania? Did he travel there immediately after CATWS or did he live somewhere else first? Did he get actual therapy in Wakanda or did they just work their science-magic to remove the trigger words and send him on his way? Is the the soldier still in there? Does he still have to consciously stop himself from using deadly force every time he’s in a fight? Is that why he deliberately avoids carrying any weapons now?

I have so many questions.

Fortunately we have fic and fanon to help fill the void but we shouldn’t have to. Bucky Barnes is one of the most interesting and unique characters to ever exist. There’s so much good stuff to dig into here and it’s been wasted.

They squandered the original opportunity to explore this part of his character when they turned Cap 3 into an Iron Man film, a decision I will forever be mad about (fuck you RDJ/Tony for stealing Bucky’s movie), but they finally had the perfect chance to make up for that with TFATWS! Bucky was getting his own show (6 hours of content!), and with it, plenty of time to really dig into his psyche and lingering trauma! I had hoped to see him relapsing a bit and falling into old patterns. Or maybe being triggered by something and having a panic attack. Or even just talking about his time in Hydra and how it felt to be used like that and his struggles to regain his humanity afterwards (instead they fucking gave Hawkeye the emotional “I was a weapon” speech that Bucky rightfully deserved). But other than that opening nightmare, a few brief teasing lines from Zemo about the solider still being in there (which was never followed through on), and the shittiest excuse for “therapy” I’ve ever seen, we really got nothing.

From everything they’ve shown us, and particularly from the ending of TFATWS, it’s clear Marvel believes Bucky has already “healed” and there’s little left to discuss or explore and it makes me incredibly sad.

#I've had this buried in my drafts for more than a year #might as well post it now because my feelings haven't changed #LET 👏 BUCKY 👏 BE 👏 FUCKED 👏 UP #I refuse to get my hopes up about any of his trauma ever being addressed in thunderbolts either #all I can say is he better still be a sad grumpy boy at the very least #if they really do lean into the happy ending of tfatws #I will RIOT #bucky barnes #marvel #marvel wank #my words #my meta

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the-acid-pear · 9 months

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Yesterday I was replaying Deltarune and I was going really insane about it picking up on things I missed on my first playthrough and something that fucked me up hard was this line here

The little ellipsis at the end, almost like you can hear the regret on their voice. Voice of an ad who is realizing maybe they fucked up on this one. But it also made me think of... The possibility of this being a reaction to Spamton's actions.

Because I don't think this was an automatic thing, I feel like their drifting off was gradual. Sure, their jealousy had won them over (I'd have killed the guy or myself if I was them so I don't even blame them) but Spamton was too getting busier and busier the more famous he got, and as they say, that never stopped. He only kept getting bigger, until it all came crashing down. And when it did it was one of them who tried to go find him, after all that.

But I digress, let's focus on the original quote from my favorite sigma enby themselves, Pink Addison. There's obviously not only the regret to it, but feeling like they were abandoned too. Both parties lost a lot and the real tragedy is just how easily it could've have been avoided! Or rather, how beyond their control it was...

But I'll get off topic if I keep speaking so I'll leave it at that. The sheer tragedy that there is to everyone involved just makes me insane. Like I said in a post previous to this; you cannot trace down a good guy or a bad guy in this tale, it's just desperate people taking awful decisions and living to regret their actions.

#luly talks #makes you wonder too like #THIS IS GOING ON THE TAGS BC IM JUMPING THE GUN TOO HARD #but after Pink says rhat they follw by saying ''even so he only got more and more successful'' and its making me FEEL something alright #that EVEN SO. like. were they expecting for him to... stop? to slow down? to give up his overwhelming fame to get them back?#there's so many things i just can't say because we know very little of the addisons and big shot era spamton #we dont even know if they were aware this is how he ended. we dont even know if Spamton tried to go back to them or if he totally refused to #it makes me sick it makes me insane i want to grab these colorful things and squish then on my palm #there's a lot of What Ifs but i think the answer wouldn't even matter because nothing could change anymore #its sososososososoooooo sad #like i see fandom woobify Spamton a lot and i HATE that sure he went thru a lot but he's a grown ass desperate man #he's not a poor uwu cinnamon roll he's insane and he's an asshole and he's a nuanced tragic character #and so are these motherfuckers!!!!!!#btw i originally had a paragraph about how mad I'd have been if i was an Addison but i ended up rewriting the whole post LMAO #anyway. yeah. it just makes me insane.#deltarune #Spamton #addisons

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 2 months

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ghost!toji x reader ….. hmmmm hm hm hm

#THINKING MANY THOUGHTS #one thing abt me is i fucking LOVE ghosts easily the best supernatural creatures ill forever die on this hill #anyway my idea for it is cliche but im weak for it ok 😔😔#reader can see ghosts obviously. and ghosts need to settle their scores to move on properly #but toji is jaded and cynical and refuses to. he meets reader and is surprised they can see him but also doesnt really give a shit #but reader wants to help ghosts ichigo kurosaki style and ends up persuading toji to let them …#just. putting flowers on mamagumi’s grave… making sure gumi has a proper support system . checking up on shiu. etc etc #and obviously toji grows fond of reader because he hadnt realized how lonely he was #so maybe he asks for one final favor — for them to let him stay by their side for a bit longer ..#im also very much imagining this as a roomate au . toji crashes on your couch and you have to listen to his snoring from the bedroom <3333 #I JUST THINK GHOST!TOJI IS SO GOODDDDD HE’S SO SAD :(((( but also such a prick #also 100% the type to spook anyone who tries to flirt w reader and theyre like ??? wtf was that for. 🤨🤨 he ignores them .#scary dog priviliege except the scary dog is incorporeal <3333 protects you but like . transparently #need to write this someday #i have a lotttt of trouble imagining toji romantically though like that’s my whole father …#IM GONNA TRY THO !!#ari noises ✩

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romance-rambles · 2 days

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IN WHICH HE HAS (ALMOST) NOTHING TO HIDE (ANYMORE)

Years after you settle down near New Godheim, your sons take part in a scheme to distract their father before the big surprise party. Unfortunately, Alkaid is observant—and his sons take after him.

— pairing: [background] [godheim] alkaid mcgrath x little painter/you

— word count: 1.4k

— tags: post-canon, birthday surprises, really domestic stuff with slight angst, children of characters

— notes: this one doesn't even have mc in it i'm crying. don't really have that big of a reason to name the twins after stars, just thought it was cute. also showing my green name-ness by making his longer than ayn's

return to lbc masterlist | series: an eventful first meeting

ALKAID IS TENDING TO HIS garden when the door to the quaint house he shares with his wife and three children creaks open.

Hushed whispers descend upon his blossoming garden, but he remains deliberately immersed in cooing over the flowers. His gloved fingers hover over, but never touch, the stems of the purple flower he once brought to life for his wife—back in the snow-buried Godheim he once called home.

Whatever silence his sons can scrounge up lasts only until someone starts shoving—from the yelping, he can guess it's Leo, the older of the two. They sort out the argument between them quickly, then wordlessly set out further into his garden.

And this is, apparently, how some siblings act, particularly if they're close in age. You've vouched for the statement with anecdotes of your school life, but even almost thirteen years later, he finds it hard to wrap his head around it.

He and Ehlonna were never so rough with each other—or at all. But then again, they could only ever dream of the only kind of childhood his sons know.

This is only another difference in a terribly long list, one he hopes will only grow longer.

"Hmm?" Alkaid pauses in his act, pretending to have only just noticed his sons' arrival. "Who is it?"

Silence greets him in return. He waits. A second becomes many, but they do not keep him waiting for long. Instead, they join him by the flowers, almost solemn in the way they gaze at his hard work.

And the way their eyebrows pinch together reminds him of you.

"And what brings the two of you here?" Resting his hands on his knees, he cranes his neck to greet them, one by one. A hint of amusement trickles into his tone. "Will you not be helping your mother this year?"

The two attempt to glance at each other. He leans back a little, disguising his short laugh as a polite cough. The remnants of a smile, however, linger long after his gloved hand retreats. Pressing the back of his bent fingers against his lips, he allows it to return to its former glory.

Behind his back, they converse wordlessly. He pretends he can't hear the rustling of their clothes as they gesture at each other.

"No," Leo huffs out. Forest green eyes narrow at him, carefully gauging his reaction. "There's no point in trying this year."

"Yeah," Sirius grumbles.

Unlike his brother, he's nearly the splitting image of his mother. The title is out of reach only because of the occasional reminders that Alkaid is his father—in the color of his eyes. In the thickness of his hair. In his love for gardening, and in his quiet perceptiveness, one that would leave him wise beyond his ears if he had been born into any other life.

"You always know what we're up to for your birthday."

Indeed, Alkaid thinks privately, settling down onto the ground, with his hands back on his knees. Without delay, his sons mimic him. Today is no different. But he'll pretend it is, though it remains to be seen if his youngest son will buy it.

"Oh," he utters instead. "You didn't get me a present?"

"Not a physical one," the blond says quickly. His words take on a biting quality at the end—the message is clear, both to his brother and to Alkaid, though it's aimed at only one of them. Say something. "We're going to do whatever you want to do, Father."

Turning his head to Leo, Alkaid pretends to think, "Well, I did plan on spending more time on the garden."

"Urk." His next words slip out through gritted teeth, not quite an affirmative, but neither is it a denial. The blond leans forward, unamused gaze pinned on his snickering brother. "Ahem, it's your birthday, Father. You should relax for the day. Somewhere far, far away from here."

"Your mother once did something similar," Alkaid says wistfully, obliviously. "How nostalgic."

In unison, with an ease that suggests much practice, the twins gag at his words. They cap it off with a bland, but insistent, "We know," having perhaps grown tired of hearing the same things over and over again.

"Have I mentioned it before?" he inquires innocently. He hasn't, by the way. Nor has he mentioned the ending, where you did manage to surprise him. Such a trick can only work so many times. "I must've forgotten."

"It's possible," Sirius agrees amiably, having recovered in remarkable time. His fingers lightly caress the soft petals of Alkaid's flowers. "It only shows how much you care about Mother. You make her tea whenever she wants and you've been growing these flowers because they remind you of her."

Less amiably, Leo grumbles, "And you've told us so many stories that we could recite them in our sleep. You and Mother both."

Alkaid smiles faintly. If that is the worst of his sins, of their sins, then surely, they're doing something right. That he has to listen to his children complain is a small price to pay.

"So, when are you going to give them to her?"

"I'm not sure," he admits.

It is the sense that he's being watched that spurs him to glance back at the kitchen window, but the curtain remains drawn, void of any silhouettes that would give the game away. He thinks of his wife, of the awkwardness that's settled into their home—a genuine mistake they don't feel equipped to fix, one that isn't even their own, not entirely.

But they should've expected it. They should've realized that people would carelessly bring Ehlonna up in front of the twins. They should've known better than to try and hide her sacrifice, her—

In that moment, the dark-haired boy nudges him, pulling his attention back onto the flowers. Carefully, a smile slots back into his pleasant expression. Alkaid unclenches his hand—and when had he done that?—and resolves to focus on the current matter at hand.

"Then, do the two of you have any ideas?"

"You'd know better," the younger blond mumbles, his spirits having noticeably dampened at the direction the conversation is taking. "You've known her for a long, long time. Longer than us, since before—"

As expected, Leo was—is—the bigger problem. And Alkaid understands it. He does. But he's allowed to hope that, one day, Leo will realize he has nothing to compensate for, even if he is a bit more withdrawn than his siblings.

A lot more withdrawn, actually.

Perhaps oblivious to the slight tension in the air, though that seems unlikely, Sirius interrupts him without a care. "Give them to her on her birthday!"

A sound option, but—

Alkaid glances at his oldest son. Lips jutting out into a pout, he glares at the unsuspecting flowers in front of him. Under the sun's warmth, his hair takes on a more golden hue, as if it was gold spun into delicate strands.

Brushing the boy's bangs out of his face, Alkaid asks, "And what about you?"

"Isn't it your birthday today?"

He holds his forehead and scowls. At his father's words? At his actions? The older blond remains uncertain. Scarlet blooms acroas the boy's cheeks, the color intensifying as his brother snickers.

Gently, Alkaid offers his younger son a rebuke.

"You're right. Why don't we change the subject then?" He chuckles, tapping his chin. A hint of amusement slips into his words; his next words come out almost song-like. "Now, what shall we talk about?"

"Anything else."

"From before you met Mother!"

As requested by his boys, the topic shifts. The garden soon forgotten, they talk about his childhood.

He talks about Zack, who he'd reunited with shortly after New Godheim had been established, who they knew as "Uncle Zack". He talks about Ehlonna, focusing on the happier memories—on stars, and how he thought she might appreciate the company.

He talks about the Archmage last, telling them close to everything but the period in between, where their relationship grew distant. Wording his sentences carefully, so that they won't look unkindly upon his mentor. Focusing on the happier bits, like the time he and Ehlonna threw him a surprise party, even though they—and the emperor, as well—knew nothing about the day of his birth.

And in the garden they remain, until the ringleader behind this surprise birthday operation comes to fetch them herself, when Alkaid utilizes his best acting skills to be nothing less than thoroughly caught off-guard.

They don't really believe him, but that's okay.

There's always next year.

#fics by aya #lovebrush chronicles #for all time #lovebrush chronicles x reader #for all time x reader #alkaid mcgrath #alkaid mcgrath x reader #lovebrush alkaid #lovebrush alkaid x reader #lbc alkaid #lbc alkaid x reader #rambles from here on ->#i worry about godheim alkaid sometimes. like. did you get to properly mourn your sister? did you?#not to the same extent of the other alkaids because uh. yeah.#this ended up being...not very fluffy...but it's domestic!!#i knew i wanted one twin to be emotionally constipated and one to be not—but leo got way more screen time rip sirius #the title is almost an artifact title because i didn't realize how much he really had to hide but like also #*looks at lars and clarence* relatively little to do with mc's circumstances (mostly common ending shenanigans)#ehlonna in hindsight sticks out as a sore spot like how do you cope with being told your aunt died for you to even be born?#and they say it so happily too like her dying was something noble!! death is death it's sad!! especially for family #sirius copes with it better because he compartmentalizes it; leo gets consumed by the thought

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