#because my new pi considers him a friend | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wavypotatochips · 1 year

Text

𝑺𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒓 | 𝑵𝒆𝒚𝒎𝒂𝒓 𝑱𝒓.

𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 : Neymar Jr x Female reader

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 : You are an upcoming Call of Duty streamer that's ends up in a private lobby match with Neymar. During the match, you constantly kill him with his own operator skin. He gets upset and decides to message you.

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 1.9𝘬

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: This is my FIRST time writing an imagine and I am currently learning a 3rd language so I apologize if my grammar is horrible-my brain is frying lol c': If you guys would like a part 2 pls interact!

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ♥

You are an upcoming Twitch streamer who has around 8,000

subscribers, streaming Call of Duty Modern Warfare II on a Friday

night- very typical for someone like you. You were playing with

another streamer at the time; she was a good friend from college and

had more subscribers (about 500k) than you had. She is the one who

suggested that since you have always been a gamer, you try your

hand at being a streamer. While your friend Jocey, a fellow Twitch

streamer, left to get a drink, you were considering which operator to

get by looking through the storefront within the game. "Okay chat

which skin should I purchase?" The 4,560 viewers of the livestream

immediately started spamming the chatroom with "Messi" or

"Neymar Jr.", which wasn't much assistance because so many people

said one or the other that it was impossible to determine which one

was most popular. "Well, that wasn't much help, now was it?" you

chuckle. Leaning closer to the monitor as you modify your position

on your gaming chair, you try to decide which one you like. You click

to make the purchase while muttering to yourself. "I guess I'll

choose Neymar for the time being and get Messi afterwards." Even

though you didn't know much about Messi or Neymar, you were

aware that they were two of the best three football players in the

world. Once more you glance over at the chatroom and read, "Why

don't I just buy both? Since I spend most of my money on new video

games, I really can't afford to buy both." Jocey's voice may be heard

briefly through the microphone saying, "Yeah, you totally didn't

spend your money on going to a concert." "Alright, maybe that was it

too." You click on the game invitation she sent you and muttered. You

inquire, raising an eyebrow, "Search and Destroy?" She answers

swiftly, “Another streamer wanted to host a search and destroy

lobby, is that okay? If not, we can go back to doing our own thing.”

You're not bothered at all. Call of Duty's Search and Destroy game

mode calls for 4-6 players per squad. While the other team works to

defuse it, one team must plant a bomb at the explosive site. Every

player only has one life. By successfully defusing the bomb,

successfully placing the bomb, or being the last team standing, you

can win the game. “No it's fine no worries… I'm ready to destroy all

these bitchesssss.” You stretch a little, crack your knuckles, and look

across at the other gamertags in the lobby not being able to make

out any of the names. To ensure that the squad can all join the party

together, Jocey says, "Okay, I'll provide you the discord connection."

While navigating to Discord to join the link and join the channel you

spotted, you nod your head despite the fact that she couldn't see

you. Jocey had entered with four other people already. Shortly after

the introductions, everyone turned their attention to the game.

Naturally, it wasn't a competition, but we didn't want to look bad in

front of our audience. The game shortly started and you were doing

decent as you were averaging at least 2-3 kills before dying. One

game suddenly became six which wasn't surprising as you can never

believe a gamer when they claim to be playing just one. You always

eliminate the player with the gamertag "Neigh" that was on the

opposite team in each game that was played. “ I just know this Neigh

person is pissed off.” The seventh and last game loads. With both

your team and the opposing squad each having three victories, the

game was now deadlocked. Jocey laughs and says, "Since this is the

last game, when we die we should leave the main chat so the ones

who are alive can concentrate." "Alright bet bet bet bet.” You

respond, the other guys in our party agreeing. As soon as the game

began, bodies began to fall from both teams; on your team, you and

Jocey were the only survivors. “Jocey if you die I will strangle you

myself.” You gripped the mouse firmly, feeling as though your heart

may jump out of your chest. How challenging can a 2v2 be? You

and Jocey have done this a lot of times. Before you can cheer, Jocey

dies. The Kill feed shows Jocey getting a kill, which made you joyful.

You bite your bottom lip when the game tells you that you are the last

one left alive, "Well chat, it's just you and me now, and let me tell you. Eu acredito que eu poderia cagar um tijolo agora ... Eu odeio ser o último vivo!" (I believe I could possibly shit a brick right now... I hate being the last one alive!)

As you searched the map for the last person, all you could hear was

silence. The game informs you that a bomb has been planted, and

you have 30 seconds to locate and neutralize it. One of the bomb

sites suddenly begins to glow. The only words that came out of your

mouth as you moved cautiously toward the explosives were "Fuck

fuck fuck fuck fuck." You watch the opponent stoop down and start

hardscoping the bomb location as you draw nearer, which makes you

grin evilly. They are unaware that you are directly behind them.

You make the decision to try Neymar Jr.'s execution move instead of

shooting them since he is the operator you are playing. When you are

close enough, you press the keyboard to start the execution by

catching the enemy. Neymar Jr. execution consisted of kicking the

opponent in the back of the leg, causing the opponent to fall to his

knees and then elevating his leg, kicking him hard in the face. As it

happens, you chuckle, and once he was dead, you hurried over to

defuse the explosives. You glance over at the chat room while using

the keyboard to disarm the explosives. “Quem quer que tenha sido a

última pessoa precisa excluir seu jogo.” (whoever that last person

was needs to delete their game)” As you read some of the messages,

you smile. When the game ended and your team was the victor, you

realized it was the "Neigh" individual you had slain yet again. “Sim, o

cavalo precisa ficar em um lugar de cavalos. Devo enviar-lhe

cenouras por correio?” (Yeah, the horse needs to stay in a horse's

place. Should I mail him carrots?) Even if you thought the joke was

humorous, you must admit that it was really corny. As you become

perplexed upon seeing your view account soar to over 200k viewers,

your laughter quickly comes to an end. “What the...?” You instantly

thought Jocey viewers were just raiding you (raiding= many viewers

join their livestream for a short amount of time), “Oh, ei Jocey, os

telespectadores gostaram disso? Apenas saiba que foi uma

embreagem rara e é mais do que provável que eu não possa fazer

isso novamente haha” (Oh hey Jocey viewers, did you like that?

Just know that it was a rare clutch and I will more than likely not be

able to do that again haha) Little did you know that the person you

kept killing with the operator skin was the man himself, and he was

now observing you from the other side of the screen. Your stream

was open on his monitor allowing his viewers to see you, which

resulted in them searching you up themselves.

Neymar found it infuriating to keep dying by the same individual,

especially since it was his own operator. He had a small tantrum

every time he died, cursing towards his monitor and letting out

stressful sighs. Once the game was over he read his chat

noticing that someone had mentioned the identity of the Twitch

account that kept killing him, Smilingxo. “Smilingxo, eh? Vamos ver

quem eles são.” (Smilingxo, eh? Lets see who they are.) He instantly

opens Twitch and types in the username, expecting to be greeted by

a male but to be astonished to see a female. one that is also

appealing. He joined exactly at the time when you made fun of his

username,“Ela acabou de me chamar de cavalo?” (Did she just call

me a horse?) He laughs as he turns to his camera, “Vocês podem

acreditar nisto! Eu morri constantemente por ela... Eu sou tão ruim

neste jogo." Another sigh was released, " Isso me estressa.”(Can you

guys believe this! I constantly died by her… I am so bad at this

game. It stresses me out.) He takes one more look at you before

closing your channel. “Alright guys I'm gonna end it here and get

some rest.” He says to the chat, not bothering to join in the discord

channel that everyone was talking into-instead he just sent his

friend, the host, a text message. He yawns as he waves at the

camera, saying ‘Goodnight’ while ending the stream and beginning

to shut everything down. The sight of you continued to linger in his

mind. You were not only attractive to him, but seeing how good you

were at the game definitely made you get extra brownie points. With

him only seeing you for a few minutes, he couldn’t help but feel a bit

curious about you. Grabbing his phone once more, he looks back at

your twitch account to see if he could take another look at you.

Meanwhile, since the viewers have been here, not all of them have

been polite; the majority of them were offended when you referred to

the username "Neigh" as a horse. You didn't believe them when they

said that Neymar Jr. was the user. Really, what are the chances that

you two are playing together? “Mesmo que fosse Neymar, não tenho

culpa que seu nome de usuário me fizesse pensar que ele era um

cavalo.” (Even if it was Neymar it's not my fault his username made

me think he was a horse) you respond sarcastically while rolling your

eyes at the others comments. “There is no reason for y'all to be

acting this way over a practice match.” You mumble as you watch the

screen say you were disconnected from the match. When Jocey

returns to the channel you were in, you hear a tone through your

headphones. "Hey Y/N I believe everyone is leaving; do you want to

continue playing? Or are you also finished?"

“I think I'm done. Your viewers are starting to annoy me with this raid.

Why am I getting attacked because I kept killing the horse?”

“My viewers? What do you mean…. I am not raiding you?” She replies

back confused. “Nevermind. Yeah I'm gonna get off, I'll text you

tomorrow. Goodnight Jocey!” You wave your hand at the camera to

also say bye to the viewers, “ Sweet Dreams to the Smiling family

and to everyone that was being rude I hope you guys get

nightmares.” The broadcast was subsequently cut off, and your

computer was turned off. You sigh, realizing that you really shouldn't

have wasted your time arguing with the random chat users, but you

did so because you found it amusing that they were unhappy for the

wrong reasons. You shut down your computer and then get ready for

bed by taking a shower. When you are all set for bed, your lovely bed

beckons you, and you breathe a sigh of relaxation. You hear a "ding"

from your phone as you settle in and cuddle up under the blankets.

You sigh and sit up to grab it because you believe Jocey messaged

you. When a notification appears on your lockscreen, your eyes

widen and you cover your mouth with your free hand as you

immediately start to totally regret everything you said on video.

Instagram : NeymarJr wants to send you a message.

Edit : PART 2 POSTED!

#neymar jr x reader #neymar one shot #neymar jr imagine #neymar x y/n #neymar jr #neymar imagines #neymar jr x you #neymar jr one shot #neymar jr fluff #neymar #oneshot #female reader #football fanfic #football imagine #soccer imagine #neymar x reader

324 notes · View notes

kedreeva · 6 months

Note

if Polaris ends up having his own unique genetic mutation that can be passed down, do you think you'll end up breeding for it on purpose? (assumng it doesn't come with health issues)

Yes and no- "doesn't come with health issues" would require observing Polaris for his entire lifespan before breeding him which is, for obvious reasons, impossible.

The first bronze bird with vitiligo (at the time, called "progressive pied") didn't have health problems as a young bird, and the people who had a say over breeding the bird didn't realize it was an autoimmune condition (despite that. I told them. but I was "new" and The Old Keepers don't listen to New People even though half of them have no idea what the fuck they're talking about when it comes to the science side of genetics/breeding but. I digress). By the time he started having health issues and losing vision, the condition had already been spread to the point that people now have to be careful purchasing bronze birds, because purposeful efforts were made to breed for "progressive pied," which spread it throughout the bronze lines in a lot of places. This also means lines which include bronze (hazel, indigo, platinum, and by proxy purple and opal since those are the other colors in those double colors) are at risk of developing vitiligo.

Now, I have Eclipse (Polaris' likely mother) and my friends in NC have Orion, Major, and had Minor (who passed away from an unrelated infection last fall), and none of them are ill at all, nor showing any sign of degeneration in functionality (like eyesight), nor are Orion's pied markings increasing significantly (all "pied" birds can have slightly different white per year due to feathers being colored by slightly different pigment cells from year to year, but the white shouldn't spread/increase significantly). So that's good.

I'll be watching Polaris' sons as long as I have them (and for the record, he produced them before I noticed this difference in his feathers, because he still had a 2yo train and feathers, it's only after this fall molt that the weird ones started growing in), and Polaris himself. Since he's a blackshoulder, his pattern is going to change significantly until he's around 6 years old. This is normal for BS; typically the marble pattern on their feathers solidifies into solid colors. You can see the marble pattern on the top edge of this feather, and the solid color on the bottom.

That solid color should spread upward and take over the whole feather by 6 years old. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. It's considered a pattern flaw for it to not finish transferring. Indie's BS markings went all the way up his shoulder to his body, the way it's supposed to do, which is a good quality.

I don't know if Polaris' marble will disappear entirely, since his father wasn't BS, just split. I don't know if his variegation will take over instead, or split the feathers or what. I don't know if the variegation will disappear by the time he's 6, which would mean it's probably just an aberrant BS pattern. If it stays, it could still just be an aberration of the white eye gene. But, silver pied came out of an aberrant WE gene.

So... I don't know. I will have to weigh the risks depending on how he develops over the next three years. If I think it's an aberration on a safe gene like BS or WE or a combo or something, then I may see if it will transfer on purpose. It would be really cool to found a new gene, but it would be REALLY UNCOOL to start a fresh health problem. Either way, I'm going to document it carefully.

#polaris #my pets #asks #anon asks

63 notes · View notes

king-crawler · 2 months

Note

Recently when I tried to figure out why Turbo went, well Turbo I realized something. At first I came to the conclusion that it was because of his code, but then I remembered the plot of the movie and completely scrapped it (though there might still be some merit with it). Then i thought that “hey, this fucker has been surrounded by picters of himself since he was plugged in, hes the star of the show, so of course he would get a huge ego out of it, said ego also being his subsequent down fall, but why diden't Felix also fall in the same trap? he was the hero of his game too”. And I think it's because he wasn't alone. Now I'm not gonna overshadow the twins. They're there too but considering how Turbo treated them in the little screen time we got to see them together I doubt that they were on good terms, they might have been in the games early days but I digress.

Felix, unlike Turbo, had friends within his game, a small community to look out for him just as he does for them. They made him pies, dedicated parties to him, cherished him, but Turbo?. Who was gonna bake him pies? Who was gonna throw parties for him? Who was gonna cherish him? The Twins? FUCK no. And i think that's what tipped him over the edge, his ego made him push oway his friends and coworkers just to get a sliver of stardom. And when he had all the attention ripped oway from him by another racing game had to have been his last straw (you saw the face he pulled in the flashback. God, just imagine seeing one of your neighbors destroy their own career live, in broad daylight too, must have been horrifying). I love a good character that just dooms themselves to the narrative with their own actions (Turbo was a whore for the limelight).

Going a bit of topic here but “going Turbo” wouldn't work if it was any other main character in the movie, “going Ralph” just doesn't work. Could be because “Turbo” isn't really a name, it's a word, the name of his game, “Turbo Time”. So my proposal is that whenever there is an au where say, Calhoun game jumps (for whatever reason) they call it solo mission. “You're not going on a solo mission are you?” sounds more riveting, to me, and in character for Calhoun. Perhaps that was the last thing she said to her men before she left. For Vanellope id imagen something like “going on a sugar rush” and something about crashing. Because when the sugar rush ends you typically crash.

And that gave me another thought, how many “Turbos” are there out there? How many characters went outside their game or against their script on working hours. How many of these incidents were considered bugs or glitches (how many were turned into creepypastas). It feels like a huge liability risk and the only instances of us hearing about it is with Turbo, which I find strange. Is it like a silent rule? That no one is allowed to leave their game and that's it? That's a super thin line, like yeah you can argue that its there to keep them alive but who told them that? And the second movie doesn't help that, it's just, eurghhh, i don't like the second movieeeee… But it does give the homeless game characters a chance to find a potential new home. There's so much out there in the wilde wilde internet to explore and find new potential in, to not be tied to the arcade has to be a bit liberating for some :)

Sorry for the sudden rant, I just got a kick and could not not write this down.

DONT BE SORRY !! GO OFF!!!! THESE ARE REALLY COOL DISCUSSION POINTS

The whole turbo vs Felix thing really stuck out to me. Turbo Living in a game with only 2 other people who hate him ? While Felix gets praise and attention from dozens? No wonder Turbo went haywire 👀 like do you think he envied Felix ………

#long post #TRUE #going on a ‘solo mission’ and ‘a sugar rush’ really tickle my brain #also I saw your ask about your oc SHES SOO EPIC #they better add jolly delightning to the roster #ask #turbo #wreck it ralph

25 notes · View notes

hollowwrites · 5 months

Text

A Magical Christmas

🎄 Merry Christmas 🎄

Summary - The gang do Secret Santa during sixth year. Just an excuse for all my ships to give gifts to each other

Just a few key points if you havent read anything else of mine: Anne curse is dormant after Rookwood died. Anne and Sebastian haven't spoken after they all confronted him about the Relic.

Warnings - None…very sweet. Sickeningly so…

Word Count - 1897

The Great Hall was, as usual during seasonal events of the year, stunning.

It was quieter than normal what with many of the students already with their families over the holidays. And because of this, the long dining tables, normally adorned with house specific colours and trinkets, sported a new colour scheme. A more festive one.

Each table had a long green and red gingham runners with glimmering gold trim. Fir garlands decorated with pinecones and cinnamon sticks neatly separated the foods from gathered group to group. Where people had gathered, the floating candles descended and floated in little clusters near them giving each cliche their own space. Space that could be afforded to them considering a maximum of thirty students at occupied the room.

Garreth was as usual, sat with the Slytherins, hand flailing widely at the snow to try and capture it. Imelda tugged harshly on his arm to get him to sit, a soft playful smirk cracking the stern crease of her brow.

Anne had managed to join them with her curse settling down significantly. Though her and Sebastian sat at the opposite ends of their friends, exchanging awkward smiles and passing comments. She’d forgiven him for his stupidity in fifth year but wasn’t quite ready to talk to him properly just yet.

Evelyn was the only one who looked like she was having a miserable time. Her eyebrows pinched together in a near constant frown as the soft tinkling of the bells in her hair continued to plague her ears. Anne had, of course, forced them upon her. Those and the little berries that lay neatly tucked in the bun upon her head.

“Ho Ho Ho, Everybody” Ominis said flatly as he sat down alongside Evelyn. His face remained its usual stoic and unbothered mask, despite his mirth filled words. A slight jingle came from him as he sat down and Evelyn noticed the outrageously green jumper Garreth gave him last year.

“Merlin’s Beard…what are you wearing?” Imelda exclaimed as Sebastian rested his head in his hands.

“You look beautiful, Ominis” Anne clapped excitedly.

“Thank you, Anne. Once again you are proving you have awful taste” Ominis teased.

“I’m so confused…” Evelyn mumbled, gently picking at the streamers that littered his jumper. Like he had rolled around on the floor beneath a tree. His Santa hat flopped in front of his face as he turned to her, a smarmy little smirk on his face.

“Ominis goes overboard at Christmas” Sebastian explained from the safety of his hands, covering his eyes.

“It’s a traditional muggle holiday, therefore my family and a bunch of other pretentious pureblood families refuse to celebrate it. I try my very best to be an embarrassment” Ominis grinned

“…why?” Evelyn probed still clearing his jumper of settled fake snow and glittery accoutrement.

“Because why not...” His grin grew wider, if that was even possible, his regular pettiness out in full force “…It’s the only time of the year when I don’t get weekly owls from my family. Tis a time celebrate”

“Speaking of…” Imelda muttered “…can we get this gift giving over with? I need to get the next train home”

“Yes! Me first!” Garreth shouted shuffling under the table, pulling numerous brown paper packages and piling them in the centre between them all, knocking over a plate of mince pies into Anne’s lap.

“Garreth…we each had one name, what’s all this?” Sebastian frowned as he looked over the large parcels. He noticed one had his name hastily scrawled onto the paper and he grabbed it immediately.

“Yes well…these are from Momma Weasley. Ominis is so handsomely demonstrating what they are. And if me and him have to look stupid in these jumpers then so do all of you!” Garreth explained as everyone tore into their presents. A sea of green and black jumpers littered the table each with their owners initials expertly knitted onto the chest.

“Bless your mother for making all of these.” Anne mumbled as she pulled the jumper over her head, tugging the sleeves over her hands.

“Yes this must of taken her months” Evelyn said, her brows raised and meeting in the middle as though she was trying not to cry.

Garreth simply shrugged and pulled another package from under the table.

“We Weasleys are prolific knitters. Example B…” he thrust the small package towards Anne “…Merry Christmas”

As Anne grinned and ripped the paper she rolled her eyes.

“What is this?” She rolled her eyes smirking.

“Well I don’t know if you know this but…the scarves are enchanted to match your house. Any scarf I gave you would’ve change to green so I simply had to knit you a Gryffindor one…” Garreth leaned forward, tugging the end out from the package and showing off the crude embroidery of a lion at the end. It looked as though it had three eyes and was a little cross eyed, but Garreth beamed proudly at it. “…Now I can say I officially converted you”

“Gryfferin…” Anne grinned, wrapping the scarf around her neck

“Slythindor…” Garreth winked pulling one more parcel from under the table, his eyes flicked to Sebastian briefly “…this is also for you”

She tore into the present, opening the box inside to reveal the family brooch she once gave Sebastian.

“What is it?” Imelda asked peering into the box and back at Anne, who looked as though she was going to cry. She looked up at Garreth, smiling sheepishly, then towards Sebastian who desperately tried to avoid eye contact. He looked up finally as Anne spoke.

“Thank you…Garreth” she sniffed, whilst looking towards Sebastian. She nodded softly and looked back at Garreth, who just looked relieved she wasn’t upset with him for meddling. “…I got you” she said sweetly, carefully lifting a box, unwrapped, and placing it on the table. The sound of glass hitting glass tinkled as she pushed it towards him.

“Ooooh…” Garreth immediately ripped off the top, inspecting the contents with a raised brow.

“They’re all the potions I messed around with last year. I thought maybe we could try and replicate them. Or when I’m a little better we could try them out…see what happens” Anne explained quietly

“I don’t think that’s a good ide-“ Evelyn started before being cut off by Garreth slamming his hands down on the table, a wide mischievous grin plastered on his face.

“EXCELLENT!” Garreth screamed, mounting the table to get at her, wrapping his arms around her in a bear hug.

“Sorry I didn’t spend any money. I can’t really lea-”Anne choked out as Garreth practically strangled her

“Don’t be silly!” He mumbled giving her another squeeze, opting to take the seat next to her instead of rejoining the other side. They huddled together, head practically touching as they muttered about different potions they had made, why the lion had three eyes, what ingredients she used…

“My turn…” Sebastian exclaimed smacking his hands and rubbing them together. “…Imelda…” he stated, presenting a rectangular box to her and smirking. “…Merry Christmas”

Imelda groaned and took the present, muttering the whole time about how Sebastian had to be the absolute worst person to have buy you a gift. And her suspicions were correct when she peeled back the paper to reveal a copy of ‘Quidditch for Beginners’.

“Sebastian Sallow, you are the absolute worst-“ each word was accompanied with a soft slap to his arm. He chuckled and grabbed her wrist, forcing it back to the table, smiling devilishly.

“What? I just thought you could use some pointers on how to be a better Captain” he said smugly, tapping on a piece of paper sticking out of a page.

With a hard angry brow and an exasperated sigh, she flicked to the marked page. Chapter 5: The Captain and their Responsibilities, underlined with two tickets to the next Quidditch World Cup. Imelda gasped and held the book open, just staring into the pages in disbelief.

“Merry Christmas, Mel” Sebastian whispered leaning into her with a cocky grin.

“Will you go with me?” She blurted out suddenly, her cheeks burning.

“I thought you’d want to go with your father…” Sebastian recoiled in shock.

“No no, I want to go with you…” she muttered “…seems only fair. You bought them…Here. This is for you…” she shoved a rather large box towards him with a gruff sigh.

“Ooh it’s big…” Sebastian said as he removed the lid from the top, looking in on the brand new Keepers uniform. “…Mel, uniforms are expensive…”

“Well…I don’t want my new Keeper looking scruffy in school uniform. Besides, after your last fall you need a little extra protection” …it was her turn to smirk when Sebastian face soured, recalling his knee injury his first week back on the pitch.

“Aww Imelda. Do you…care?” He teased, earning another smack from Imelda.

“Right then, it’s your turn then” Imelda muttered, pointing towards Evelyn, desperate to get any attention from her.

“Okay, well obviously I got Ominis…” Evelyn physically shrank into herself with all of the attention suddenly on her “…and I realise that my wrapping is probably lost on you but…here”

Evelyn had grown accustomed to what Ominis was and wasn’t comfortable with. She gently took his hand and placed it on top of the delicately wrapped stack in front of him.

He smiled lopsidedly upon feeling the elaborate bow in his fingers.

“Not completely lost…” he whispered gently pulling at the bow and feeling the whole present unfold. He could smell old books and could feel pages under his fingers. “What books ar- Is this braille?” He suddenly said upon flicking through the pages and feeling the intricate bumps of the paragraphs across the page.

“Yes…I hope you don’t mind, I’ve been practising transfiguration on a few copies of my old books. They’re the ones we were talking about a couple of months ago. I don’t know if the translation is correct, if it doesn’t make sense you can always ask me…”

Ominis was quiet for a while, his fingers tracing over the tiny intricate constellations of words across the page.

“It’s perfect…” he whispered “…some of your favourites?”

“Yes…I have another four copies of each if these are ruined” she explained, her voice taking on a slightly giddy tone. It may only be a simple muggle tale, but they were her favourite and the thought of having someone else reading them filled her heart with joy

“That won’t be necessary. I’m afraid my gift isn’t as thoughtful…” he lay the book back down with the others and pulled a long thin box from his pocket “…nor is it wrapped but I asked they put it in a nice box for you”

She took it and opened the small hinged box revealing a delicate silver necklace with the skull of a bird at the end. She gasped sweetly, though Imelda scrunched her nose up at the sight.

“The few times I’ve borrowed your wand…it’s hilt is a birds skull is it not? A dove?”

“It is…my mother used to call me her dove…” she breathed wistfully, her hands shaking slightly as she inspected the small metal charm.

“Good…” Ominis smiled “…pulled a few strings with the jewelers in Hogsmeade. And Ollivander had the initial sketch of your wand still…”

“It’s beautiful…” she smiled softly and squeezed his hand. “…Thank you, Ominis”

“You’re Welcome. Merry Christmas…”

Masterlist

30 notes · View notes

lilith-weasley · 18 days

Text

New Moon (If Edward Had Never Come Back Edition): Chapter 1

This is the first chapter of what I would like to be my version of New Moon without Edward returning, aka Bella ends up with Jacob.

Disclaimer:

Harry Clearwater doesn't die (or at least hasn't yet).

This first chapter is what would be the book's Chapter 17 but without Alice returning.

Really just fluff in this chapter><

Songs to listen to while you read:

Rosyln by Bon Iver

Glimpse of Us by Joji

Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex

Sweet by CAS

Sunsetz by Cigarettes After Sex

K. by Cigarettes After Sex

I had been stupid, ludicrous even, to believe that Edward would ever come back for me. He had meant those words that had been spoken in the forest back in September. I shivered at the thought of the months that would follow that soul-crushing conversation. By that first summer without him, it began to settle in my conscious mind that the hope I was holding within me was useless weight. He had left Forks and me with it permanently. I owed my life to another love that had blossomed because of his abrupt departure.

Though I had known Jacob Black since our very early years, I had never really considered him a friend. He was more like a family acquaintance, that would show up unexpectedly or whenever Charlie had Billy over. It’s not that he wasn’t friendly, I just had never gotten to really know Jacob, beyond the mud pies we had made with our tiny, chubby toddler hands. But all of that had changed when Charlie had decided to send me to Florida with my mother following Edward’s abandonment. I bargained with him, using Jacob as the chip that would allow me to stay in Forks. By that point, I was spending more time at La Push than at Charlie’s, which he didn’t complain about. The wound Edward had left in my heart, the one that had made me double over in pain for innumerable weeks, had begun to stitch itself together with Jacob’s company. He had pulled me out of the numbing limbo and eased me back into the world and life.

At first, I denied any idea or thought that might have to do with Jake, in any sense that strayed away from friendship. I had spent so long setting firm boundaries with him. The internal battles of guilt and confusion were constant. I didn’t even know why I so desperately wanted it to be false, why I wanted to repress any feelings in return to his very clear ones. I wasn’t scared of him and I certainly didn’t owe anything to Edward, he was long gone. It was the fear of hurting Jacob that pushed me away from entering that realm. I knew I wasn’t an easy person to handle and to be fair, he wasn’t either, but I still felt that my baggage was much heavier. I knew that sooner or later, the love I had for him would consume me and eventually, us both. I just didn’t know when.

*********

I heard Charlie’s cruiser pull up into the driveway as I finished grilling the stakes on the stovetop.

“Hey, Bells,” Charlie spoke, as he shut the door behind him and took off his jacket.

“Hi, Dad, dinner’s just about done. Just give me another 5 minutes,” I called back over the sound of running water as I began to clean up.

“Sure thing, there’s no rush.”

Charlie was easy to please, between keeping him fed and spending the little quality time we had together, he had no complaints. He had loosened up significantly since Edward had left, not forgetting the time I had run off to Phoenix and told him I didn’t like living with him in Forks. I winced at the memory of his pained and confused face as I had run out of the house screaming. He had also calmed down after my sudden spiral into depression when the Cullens had moved away, though it had taken him a long time.

“Smells good,” Charlie commented, peering over the stove and then sitting down at the table.

“Thanks,” I smiled, pleased with myself and his reaction. I knew that Charlie appreciated my cooking, he had told me almost instantly after moving back with him.

We ate in silence until Charlie broke it by mentioning Billy.

“Billy says he hasn’t seen you down at the reservation this week,” he noted, trying to sound indifferent.

This was exactly the topic I didn’t want him to bring up but knowing Charlie, he was bound to, even if it was unintentional. I had been wrestling with my feelings for Jacob for over a month now and had ultimately started to avoid him. It wasn’t an active decision but rather a passive space that I had placed between us, as I gave myself time to process.

“Oh,” I mumbled absentmindedly, “You know how time consuming being a senior is.”

“I’m sure you could still find a little time to see him,” Charlie went on, clearly not having believed my lie.

“Yeah you’re right Ch-Dad, I’ll stop by next week. I’m sure letting him catch up with his own homework isn’t that bad of an idea,” I said, picking up Charlie’s dirty place and stacking it on top of my own before making my way to the sink.

“It’s only Thursday, you could stop by this weekend. I might be out fishing with Harry on Saturday anyway,” he hinted.

I continued to wash the dishes silently, hoping he would drop the subject. It had been very clear from the beginning that Charlie had preferred Jacob over Edward and honestly having endured his heartbreak, I too began to agree with his favoritism. But this wasn’t something I wanted to talk about with my dad, especially not now, not undecided.

“You know, Bells, it’s been almost a full year since..you know,” Charlie fumbled with his words as he stood by the doorframe, rubbing his hands across his creased forehead, “there’s nothing wrong with having…um..feeling things for someone again.”

“Dad!” I shrieked, mortified at the conversation that was beginning to unfold before me.

“I’m just saying, you and Jake seemed to really enjoy each other's company and he’s a good kid, Bella,” his voice had a hint of concern, probably remembering what Edward’s betrayal had done to me.

“I know, Dad. I just have a jumble of feelings in me at the moment and it’s not exactly the conversation I wanted to be having tonight, especially not with you,” I answered truthfully, hoping it would send him away to watch whatever game was on TV.

“Okay, kid, just wanted to let you know,” he smiled back, clearly as embarrassed as I was before heading off to the living room.

“Night, Dad,” I called out to him after having finished all of my tasks in the kitchen for the night.

“Night, Bells,” he replied, as I ran up the stairs to the privacy of my own room. My heart raced at the thought of being alone with my thoughts but I had decided to not censor them as much. Or at least to try not to.

I sprawled across my bed, facing the white ceiling above me, listening to the rain softly fall.

Plink, plonk, plink, plonk.

I had once reached a point of tolerance with the rain and the cold, as everything I loved most had resembled it. But now after everything, I craved the sun and its warmth more than anything. I sighed, rolling over on my side. The moon was out, not quite full yet, but its light shone dimly behind the clouds. I wondered if Jacob was out with the pack tonight, I knew the rain didn’t bother him.

Jacob. His name swam around my mind, along with his face. The boy that had saved me after jumping off of that cliff, who had cared for me during all of my most painful moments. The boy who had brought back the life in me. He wasn’t so much of a boy anymore, My Jacob had gotten mixed in with Bad Jacob after becoming a werewolf, he wasn’t nearly as naive and sweet as he had been during my first year in Forks. He was different now but so was I and though his attitude and ever changing moods were annoying, I liked who he had become. The fact that he wasn’t fully human didn’t alarm me in the slightest but he had loathed himself for weeks before he could stand to talk about the matter with me. He was my best friend and the love I felt for him was unlike any other.

Unlike any other, I thought again. Could it be that that’s why I had been avoiding my own feelings? Because it didn’t resemble the love I had had for Edward? My head spun as I tried to piece everything together. Could it be possible that I was indeed in love with Jacob? Why was it so hard for me to accept? There was no one but him. He was my entire world, my whole life was tied to him and I had refused to acknowledge it. We were no longer the shy acquaintances we once were when I had first moved back to Forks. Our time spent together had become meaningful, intimate.

I could see it all so clearly now. I was in love with Jacob Black, my Jacob. My own little sun whose warmth I loved so dearly and craved even deeper. How could I not love him? He had shown me time and time again that he would not leave my side, no matter the circumstance. After saving me from the ocean’s pull towards its floor, he had begged to see me open my eyes again, to breathe. His warm hands had frantically searched for a response from me. He had cried as I took my first breaths and pulled me close to him, rocking me softly as he repeated my name.

Now it was me who was crying, the tears had been silently flowing down my cheeks for the past minutes, as I replayed my most tender moments with Jacob. He had not given up on me, even with all of the changes to his life, as he had once promised me at the movie theater.

“But don’t get mad at me for hanging around, okay?” he had patted my hand, “Because I’m not giving up. I’ve got loads of time.”

And suddenly my legs were moving beneath me, my heart beat erratically as I made my way down the stairs, overcome with emotion and excitement. Downstairs, Charlie was still seated in front of the TV but I didn’t even care.

“I’m going to see Jake. I won’t be out late, I promise,” I said frantically, grabbing my keys and opening the door, not bothering to grab a jacket despite the weather. Charlie didn’t even protest, he simply chuckled and gave a thumbs up.

The drive to Jake’s house was tortuous. My truck fought to keep up with the speed I was trying to enforce. My mind raced as I sped. I hadn’t even thought of what I was going to say, I hadn’t even really known how I had gotten out of the house and into my truck. But as I neared the road that wound up to his house, I decided to say anything and everything that was on my mind. Who cared about embarrassment at this point? Before I knew it, I had parked and was making my way to the door. To my disappointment, Billy answered.

“Bella? Is everything okay? Did something happen to Charlie?” he asked, his face clouded with worry.

“Charlie’s fine, I just really needed to talk to Jake,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. I put my shaking hands into the pockets of my jeans.

“Jacob is out back, he just got back from Sam’s,” Billy said, pointing to the little clearing in the woods behind the Black’s house.

“Thanks,” I said, walking briskly in that direction. I could feel his eyes watching me even after I had turned around in search of Jacob.

I was clearly out of breath at this point, something I could easily blame on the brisk pace of my walk if needed. As I walked, I started to see the light of a fire in the distance. Jacob was sitting in front of it, his bare back facing me.

“Jake?”

He turned at the sound of my voice almost instantly, his eyes lit up when he saw me but nothing more than a slight smirk emerged from his face.

“Got tired of ignoring me?” he snorted, rolling his dark eyes. I knew he would probably never admit that my avoiding him had upset him.

“It’s not like you haven’t done that before,” I shot back, my cheeks suddenly warm. I knew he hadn’t enjoyed the space I had created between us but I was surprised at his tone.

“Jesus, Bella,” he shook his head at me angrily, “That was different. I was trying to protect you from myself!”

“Look, Jake, I drove up here to talk to you about something pretty big but if you’re going to just pick fights with me I’ll go back home,” I challenged cooly. I realized I now had the upper hand in this situation. Jacob’s face went still.

“Did the leech come back?” he asked, clearly repulsed.

“Of course he didn’t,” I assured him, hoping to sway him back towards my conversation and my terrain.

Jacob’s body eased slightly at my words and his face was no longer clouded with anger. “Oh. Sorry, Bella. I’m listening, if that helps.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to steady myself, looking back up at him when I had finished. His gaze pierced into me, those beautiful, dark eyes searching mine for some hint or clue as to what I had to say.

“I’ve been avoiding you,” I confessed, “but it’s not for the reason you think. It’s not because you’re a werewolf or that at times, you’re insanely annoying.”

Jacob rolled his eyes at both statements but stayed silent.

“I think it’s because seeing you made me feel things. Things I wasn’t sure I wanted to feel,” I continued, my pulse quickening as I reached the peak of my full confession.

Jacob’s mouth now curved into a grin. He knew where this was going and he was clearly enjoying it.

“I want to hear you say it,” he said, stepping closer to me, his smile never leaving his face.

“I’m in love with you. As much as I tried to deny it, I am. It’s you, I-I think it always has been but I just didn’t know it till now. You’re the sun, Jake, how could I live without you?” I said, tears had begun to form in my eyes but I was determined not to let them fall. It felt so good to finally say those words out loud and I knew it felt good for him to hear them.

“Bella,” he gasped, taking my face in his hands and pressing his lips against my own. He ran his fingers through my hair, sending shivers down my spine. My own hands were tangled in his hair, pulling him closer to me. His lips moved against mine gently, but with a sense of urgency behind them. His free hand had made its way down to the small of my back, pushing me even closer to him. He was so warm everywhere, his lips, his hands. I could even feel the heat of his body through my clothes and it felt good against the cold, rainy night that surrounded us.

“I knew you loved me,” he whispered, after he had pulled away and pressed his forehead to mine, “I told you I would wait,” he chuckled.

“Oh, Jake, how couldn’t I? You saved me,” I said, cupping his face in my hands. He was so beautiful and warm that I thought I’d melt.

“So did you.” His voice cracked as he said it and I could feel the tears that had escaped on my hands, “I’m in it for the long haul, Bella. You’re it for me. I knew it from the first day you came back to Forks. I’ll be here by your side everyday,” he promised me, kissing my hands that were still holding his face to mine.

I buried my face in his arms in relief, letting myself sink into his warmth. He felt so comfortable and safe. And better yet, he was mine and I was his.

#twilight fanfiction #twilight #bella x jacob #jacob black #bella swan #jacob black imagine #jacob black fluff #twilight saga

8 notes · View notes

rubykgrant · 4 months

Note

Theory that I saw and hold as true: Yellow Church is Xi. He's just out in Sidewinder now doing whatever. He's the one needed to complete the Meta but was never found. He represents Desire (2 last traits were Love and Greed, this mixes both). Saw this on a YouTube account that also says the ship at the end of the S4 quest was meant to go to Chorus and that Locus is the Great Destroyer.

Oh, that's a good one! Also, very possible, considering Yellow Church existed in multiple ways (as a time-travel alternate Church, an incorrect memory in Caboose's mind, and then on the outside able to exist with everybody... briefly).

A friend of mine also has the theory of Yellow Church, or "Yurch", is the Fragment designated Pi (and we joked that some of the others would mis-pronounce that as "pee", because he's yellow... like PI-kachu. yeah, that's it), and he represents Apathy (since Yurch was just so DONE with everything, and barely had enough energy to get properly angry). I can't find my re-blogs of the posts my friend made right now (because search sucks), but if they're OK with it, I can @ them~

On the one hand, it is possible MANY more Fragments exist, even besides the ones we momentarily see listed within the series... but my theory is, if they were not yet "prepared" to be used as assistants for Freelancers, they weren't moved into their own individual units, and instead were kept "dormant", their data being stored with Epsilon (so, he actually has the memories of ALL the Fragments, even though he doesn't totally know that there is all this extra information to remember. later, this helps him recover/adjust a little easier, and also shows in how he can sort of do what Alpha WOULD have done, working together with all the Fragments as a system; even though some don't always visually show themselves or outwardly verbalize, they're still IN THERE)

I also had a brief and vague AU thought, that never really turned into anything, but still an interesting concept; at some point, after all the other shenanigans in the series, the Reds and Blues meet a new character who joins their group (no specifics for who they are, but I kinda leaned toward them being a girl, just to have a few more). Eventually, they discover this character is actually an AI in a synthetic human body (I've used that idea before, but in this regard, they aren't an almost-clone of the Director OR Allison, but a combination of both DNA samples that created a new person... so, genetically Carolina's sibling). The AI is RO, a missing Fragment from Alpha who represented Love. Like Church, Ro had some memory loss going on, so they others help them figure things out~

#ask #answer #anon #red vs blue #rvb #ai fragments

18 notes · View notes

atomicpomegranate · 2 years

Text

New Zealand references in Nona the Ninth

Soooo I am now completely obsessed with the Locked Tomb series!!

As a resident of New Zealand, I was absolutely delighted to see all the kiwi references in there. I am guessing that most people would not have gotten a lot of the them, so I attempted to explain as many as I can below, including with visual guides and links. These references also help us pin down some details about John and the gang.

Hella spoilers for Nona the Ninth below!

John 20:8

These refer to Otago University in Dunedin and Auckland University in Auckland. I went to Otago. Maybe I crossed paths with John himself!! I am a millennial as well, after all.

The iconic Otago Uni clocktower building situated next to the Leith river. If John graduated from Otago, he would have a photo of himself in his gown with the clocktower in the background. Everybody does it.

Location of the facility (same as the facility as Canaan house or no??):

Greytown is an unremarkable tiny town in the Wairarapa. It’s located in the bottom of the North Island and is about an hour’s drive from my house.

A freezing works refers to a place where animals are frozen in preparation for getting shipped off to various places and eaten. A typical NZ freezing works looks like this one that I found on google maps:

That’s a lot to cover with cattle parts!

John 5:20

MoD is the Ministry of Defence. NZ doesn’t really have a military to speak of, but somehow people still have careers in it.

Phrases in Te Reo Maori (a language of the indigenous people of New Zealand).

kia kaha = be strong

kia maia = be brave

They are things you would say to someone who is going through a tough time.

John 15:23

Possibly implies that John is of Maori descent. He might look something like Taika Waititi with golden eyes, given the history teacher description. Maori TV is a local on-demand TV channel.

Macca’s = MacDonald’s

ute = pick-up truck or large SUV, short for “utility vehicle”

morepork = an owl found in New Zealand, also known as the ruru

Possums are an invasive species from Australia and are almost universally hated in New Zealand because they have no natural predators here and destroy native forests. They make all kinds of unholy noises.

John 8:1

wop-wops = middle of nowhere countryside

Parachute was an annual Christian music festival that ran from 1992 to 2014. The drinking age in New Zealand is 18, so that puts some limits on John’s age. The earliest he was born is 1976 (assuming 17 years old in 1992). The latest he was born was the late 1990s. If he was 17 in 2014, then he was born in 1997, but he may well have attended when he was younger than that, so it could be up to the year 2000. it’s overwhelmingly likely that he is a millennial, but there is a small chance that he is actually gen Z.

Some of my friends from high school might have met him at Parachute. Who knows!

Hamilton, city of the future! It’s a city a bit south of Auckland. It’s a place.

A great deal of the New Zealand countryside is farmland. Mostly cows and sheep. More cows than sheep these days, I think. You can see the cattle from areal photos in google maps. Here is an example from the Wairarapa, near Greytown:

John 5:1

NCEA Level 2 is the equivalent of 11th grade in the US. This implies that P-- did not finish high school and is a swipe at her low level of education. I should note that a lot of people in NZ do not finish high school, and instead leave school to learn trades or just work. It’s not considered shameful, but someone with a PhD (like John) may very well look down on someone who didn’t finish high school.

John 3:20

Trans-Tasman refers to Australia and New Zealand. The Tasman Sea is between them. Australia supports the cryo can project, yay!

John 9:22

Porirua is a town in the greater Wellington region and it is home to the Royal New Zealand Police College. One of my family members worked there for a time. Maybe he met P--!

I can just about get Porirua (northwest) and Greytown (northeast) visible on the same map:

John 1:20

Mince pies are a kiwi classic. These days, they are more goo than meat, but are a regular delicacy available at petrol stations, 24 hour convenience stores, and the frozen food section of the supermarket.

There is way more meat in the photo than that pie will have in real life. False advertising!!

If you are a kiwi, it is 100% culturally acceptable to trash Australians at every opportunity.

That’s all I’ve got!

But wait, there’s more! I only saw this post after I had compiled everything. It contains a bunch of other references and explanations that I didn’t cover, so please check it out of you haven’t seen it already!

#nona the ninth #the locked tomb #nona the ninth spoilers #john gaius #always blow on the pies #safer communities together

181 notes · View notes

munsonshair · 2 years

Text

Halloween party ~ eddie munson x reader

summary: you and eddie have been best friends since childhood and youve secretly liked him but what happens when the queen of Hawkins High, Chrissy Cunningham, finds interest in the freak?

warnings: underage drinking, some angst?, some fluff, mentions of alcohol + pi$$ kink (not really but just in case), cuss words

a/n: hi there! this is my first ever oneshot and im kinda nervous loll. please lmk what you guys think! feedback is always appreciated<3

——————————————————————————

Ever since you and Eddie have known each other, there has always been that spark. That goddam spark. You’ve never really noticed how much you loved Eddie but that’s what a best friend should feel like. Right?

There was no denying that Eddie didn’t also feel that spark but for him, it was different. Not in a bad way. Not in a good way either. The feeling was new to him thats all. He’s never really talked or hung out with any other girl besides you. And in a way, it made you feel special to him.

But that soon changed after you had begged him to go to that halloween party Steve was hosting. God, how much you regret doing that. Steve was a good friend of yours, not as close as Eddie but still knew you well enough. However you only chose to go to that party because of Robin, who you dearly loved.

“C’mon Eddie, I know you dont like parties but-” you say to him but is soon interrupted.

“But nothing, sweetheart” Eddie begins to say. “Im not sure if you hadn’t noticed but im not really well liked.”

“So what? I promise we’ll have fun.” You say with pleading eyes. Oh how hard it was for him to say no to you.

“Fine. I’ll go to his stupid halloween party” He says with a childish voice. You laugh at him and he puts his arm around you.

He does this to everyone, you think to yourself. You cant help but overthink something he’s done a million times before. Your thoughts get suddenly interrupted by a high pitched voice.

“Hey guys!” says the overly excited voice. You recognize the person and its none other than the queen of Hawkins herself, Chrissy Cunningham.

You never really got along with Chrissy considering you were in DnD and hung out with “the freaks”. But it wasnt just that. You knew that she wasnt good news because she would sit with the other popular people who would constantly pick on Eddie.

“Hi?” You hear Eddie ask. He questioned this because why would Chrissy, of all people, talk to him?

“So um, are you guys going to the halloween party tonight?” She asks you both.

“Yeah, we’re both going!” You say to her in your fake excited voice. Eddie catches your voice and chuckles.

“I cant wait to see you there!” She says looking over at Eddie. Eddie raises an eyebrow but eventually went along with it, nodding. You noticed that moment. That little moment bothered you but you tried so hard not to seem like it did.

What seemed like an eternity of silent staring, she says her goodbyes and side hugs Eddie and smiles at you. Eddie put his arm around her as he awkwardly side hugs her back. You try your best not to cringe as she walks away.

“So… was it just me that noticed that?” Eddie breaks the silence between the two of you.

“Noticed what?” You asked even though you knew exactly what just happened. The queen of Hawkins High found interest in the town freak.

“Okay, dont laugh but, I think she flirted with me in a way?” Eddie says and puts his hand in the back of his head, twisting his hair.

“And how do you feel about that?” you sneakily ask him trying to see his reaction to it. Sure you were curious but deep down, you wanted to know if he had any interest in her. It may have been a long shot if he did since they were complete opposites but you just wanted to make sure.

“Honestly? I was kinda diggin’ the attention but…” he continues to say and looks down at his shoes and kicks the dirt.

“But?”

“But we’re complete opposites you know? And maybe shes just not the right someone.” He says and looks at you. Its like he was hinting something but you just brushed it off.

“Well give it a shot?”

Why would I say that?

“Maybe shes not what you think she is?”

Why am I saying all this bullshit?

“Y’know what y/n? You’re right. Fuck it. I guess i have something to look forward to to this stupid party.” Eddie gives you a smile and you give him a soft smile back.

——————————TIME SKIP———————————

You got home and you noticed your mom had left early to go to work. It was just the two of you since the death of your father. Of course you were sad about it but you were young when he passed away of a heart attack. You loved your mom so much and you seemed to get quite lonely when she was gone.

But Eddie would do his best make sure you never felt alone. Which is why he would come over most days and watch horror movies with you or just hang out.

You went to the kitchen to look for the note she usually wrote for you.

Left for work. Will be back in the morning, Love you lots y/n. -Mom

Reading that note made you smile. But just then, you realized you didn’t even have a costume planned for the party. You head to your room and start thinking of what to wear.

Sexy cat?

No, too boring

School girl?

Too sexualized

Witch?

Too boring

Then it hit you, you loved the Breakfast Club. Why not dress up as Allison Reynolds? You basically already owned some of her clothes since you shared her aesthetic.

You look through your closet and find the right clothes. You put on a black long sleeve and a long black cardigan. You then put on black sheer tights and a medium length grey skirt. To finalize the look you put on your black boots and start to do some makeup.

Not too much. Just some mascara and a small amount of black eyeshadow on the outer corners of your eyes. Damn, you knew you looked hot but the way your clothes fit you tonight, made you feel sexy. The long sleeve shirt hugged your curves and the sheer black tights made your legs looked amazing. Sure you had a black cardigan but you could always take it off.

Just as you were looking at yourself and feeling incredible, there was a knock on your door.

You open the door to find none other than Eddie Munson himself dressed up as Joel Goodsen from Risky Business. You’re surprised Eddie even knew this movie considering he’s only ever watched horror movies with you.

“Why hello there Mr. Goodsen.” you say to him in a flirtatious way. He’s wearing a black crewneck with a white collared shirt underneath and burnt orange pants. Oh god. He looked amazing and so goddamn handsome. The things you would to him right then and there. Your not so innocent thoughts are interrupted by his voice.

“Hi there, sweetheart. Or should I say Allison?” he replies to you as he smirks and looks at you up and down. You notice that he puts his tongue at the corner of his mouth as he checks you out. You cant help it but feel your face get red. He takes a step closer and brings his hand up to your face and slides his finger across your cheek.

“I am loving how your eyes look right now. Wear this more often, yeah?” You begin to feel this bubbly feeling in the lower part of your stomach and cant help but stutter your words.

“T-Thank you Eddie. Means a lot, really.” you say and give his hand a squeeze and a soft smile. “Lets go, shall we?”

“We shall sweetheart” Eddie says and opens the door for you of his white van. The sudden smell of weed and cologne hit you. You don’t mind it as it smells just like Eddie. Oh how badly you wished you could stay with him forever. Even if there was no talking, his company was enough.

As he drives to Steve’s house, he puts on his music. The first song being I don’t Know by Ozzy Osbourne. You enjoyed Eddie’s taste in music since you both shared the same songs. You both looked at each other and started singing.

“People look to me and say

Is the end near, when is the final day?

What’s the future of mankind?

How do i know, i got left behind.”

You’re both practically screaming the lyrics to one another throughout the whole song. It was moments like this that you enjoyed with Eddie. You felt like you could be yourself and have no shame. Eddie made you feel like you weren’t the only town freak who liked this type of music.

Sadly, your moment with him was cut shortly since Steve lived a couple minutes away from you. Eddie drives up to his house and parked across the street from him house. He turned off the ignition and just as you were about to get our, he made you stop and he got out of the van and quickly opened the door for you.

“Why thank you, Joel” You say to him as you chuckle.

“Of course, Allison.” He says as he motions his hands in front of you to walk forward. You both start walking up to Steve’s house and you could hear the loud music from outside. Just as Eddie was about to open the door for you, Steve opens it.

“Y/N! You made it!” Steve yells out and notices your costume. “Let me guess, Allison?” You give him a nod and smile. You then take a look at his costume and he’s dressed up as who looks to be Marty McFly from Back to the Future. He had a denim button up and a red puffy vest. He also had on blue jeans with some white with red nike shoes.

“Are you supposed to be Marty?” You ask him.

“Yeah!” He looks over at Eddie who’s just staring at him. Him and Steve never really got along with but they stayed cool because of the mutual friendship with you.

“Hey man! Welcome to the party! Are you dressed up at Joel? Man I love Risky Business” Steve says to Eddie breaking the awkward silence between the two.

“Yeah! Diggin’ the costume man!” Eddie yells back to him as you both go inside the house. And that house was packed. You knew Steve was popular but damn, how can someone know this many people?

As you and Eddie were trying to find the drinks, that same overly excited voice gets your attention.

Oh brother.

“Oh my god no way!” The voice says.

You turn and look at Chrissy dressed up as Lana from Risky Business. Shes wearing a white clothed sweater with a black bow tie at her neck. Shes wearing a matching white skirt with black and the end of it. Her hair is up in a half up half down style.

Kill me. Now?

You didn’t know what to think. Whether it was planned or not and boy were you really hoping it wasn’t. You quickly disguised your annoyed expression to a fake “wow you look amazing” one.

“I cant believe we matched on accident!” Chrissy says to Eddie. Eddie’s face was something you couldn’t read. You couldn’t tell whether he was happy it happened or surprised. And Eddie didnt know what to think either. He was distraught. How could someone be the complete opposite of him yet think the same?

“You look… wow.” Eddie says to Chrissy. She blushes at his compliment and then looks over at you.

“You look good too y/n” Chrissy says but for some reason, it didnt seem genuine. As if she didnt mean it.

“Thanks” You tell her with a soft smile. Her attention was now fully back on Eddie. You couldn’t stand being next to them. You couldn’t stand the jealousy you felt. You couldn’t stand feeling like a third wheel.

“Im gonna go find Steve.” You tell Eddie, eyeing Chrissy. If looks could kill, she’d be on the floor. Eddie looks at you, confused. But before he could say anything else, you left. He was just about to go after you but was stopped by Chrissy.

“Lets go dance!” She yells to him. He reluctantly agrees to her and they head off.

You go to Steve’s backyard and find him with Robin and Nancy. They’re all drunk and laughing together. You go toward them and they all yell out your name.

“Y/N you look… hot!” Robin says to you. You honestly dont know who shes dressed up as but shes wearing a black blazer with dark grey pants and a white tuxedo shirt.

“You’re one to talk Robin!” you say to her as you hug her. She hands you a beer and you just wanted to get wasted that night, hoping it was all a dream.

“Chug, chug, chug, chug!” Steve and Nancy both begin to chant as they all gave you a hooray and start clapping. Steve hands you another beer and you’re quick to drink up. You loved moments like this. Especially now because Eddie isn’t with you. Right now, you just wanted to get as drunk as possible.

You spent what seemed to be 30 minutes with them and you were already on your fourth can which meant bathroom break. You tell them you’ll be right back and excuse yourself.

You make your way towards the bathroom and you pass Eddie with Chrissy. They’re laughing together and you see shes under his arm. You then see her interlocking his hand with hers. Fuck. You don’t know why but that stung. Knowing that Eddie always had his arm around you and now that it seems like you’ve been replaced by someone who isn’t even like him, kills you. Knowing that you’d do anything to take her place in an instant.

Eddie notices you and tells Chrissy he’ll be back in a bit. You see him coming towards you so you quickly turn on your heals and head towards the bathroom. He follows you and just as you were going to shut the door, he stops it with his foot.

“What the hell y/n?” He says. He seems angry, you think. Why is he mad? I didn’t do anything wrong? You start thinking to yourself.

“What Eddie?” you ask him. Scoffing slightly. “Im trying to go to the bathroom here.” He pushes the door open. Both of you are staring at each other. You can see the expression on his face. He seems… angry? Confused?

“Whats up with you tonight?”

“I dont know what you mean.”

“You left me.” He says. He seems genuine. Sad almost.

“You seriously didn’t expect me to third wheel did you?” You say to him realizing you’re slurring your words. Guessing the alcohol took its turn.

“Third wheel? The hell are you talking about?”

“So now you’re acting stupid? If you’re gonna act like this, just go Eddie.”

“Im not leaving till you tell me whats up Y/N.” You could tell he’s getting annoyed.

“Im not gonna be with you when you’re with Chrissy! Goddammit Eddie. I thought you weren’t so oblivious but I was clearly wrong. Just go be with her already!”

“Why does that bother you so much?”

“God Eddie. I like you okay? Ive been liking you since we started to become closer! I didnt know how to tell you since I didnt think you’d like me back. Ive kept it a secret for some time because maybe i thought i was wrong about what i was feeling. I just hoped it would eventually pass since youre my best friend and you wouldnt see me as anything else but that.” You yell at him as a couple tears roll down your cheek.

Eddie just stood there. In complete and utter shock. Not in a grossed out way. But in a good way. Deep down, Eddie knew he felt it too but didnt know how to handle it since it was all brand new to him.

“I- God dammit. I like you too y/n.” He was being genuine. “This whole feeling is new to me as well. I didnt know how to confront it so i just ignored it.” He said with regret. Eddie was regretting everything he’s done that day. Going along with Chrissy. Allowing her to touch him.

You both just looked at each other not knowing what to say. He takes a step closer and wipes a tear off your face. He cups your face and says, “I like you y/n. And im sorry i didnt tell you sooner. Youre the one, okay sweetheart?” Sweetheart. That damn name. You cant help but feel a gitter in your stomach. Not from the alcohol, but from a feeling of warmth.

Not saying anything, you place your hand on the side of his face and pull him in slowly. Your lips find his and the kiss is sweet. Nothing harsh or urgent. But a soft and desirable kiss. You open your mouth slightly allowing for him to put his tongue inside your mouth and he does the same for you. You’ve dreamed of this moment for a while and its finally coming true.

Eddie breaks the kiss, still holding your face and asks, “Lets go home?”

“Of course. Let me just go to the bathroom real quick, yeah?” You look at his big brown eyes and smile.

“I’ll be waiting in here.” He says and gives you a smirk.

“You’re a freak, Eddie Munson.” You tell him as you laugh and begin to take off your skirt.

“At least I’m your freak, y/n.” He says smiling as he licks his lips.

a/n: please let me know how i did? I hope you all enjoyed! If you have any requests please lmk<33

#eddie x you #eddie headcanons #eddie oneshot #eddie x y/n #eddie x reader #eddie stranger things #stranger things 4 #joseph quinn #joeseph quinn x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson stranger things #stranger things

182 notes · View notes

stranger-chichka · 2 years

Text

Dustin, compasses, magnets, coke and eating (p.2)

After “Dustin’s “This is the answer” the accent is on the fridge in the Wheeler's house with a 7 made from the magnets. 7 is Mike's and Will's number. 7 is L upside-down. 7 is Love. Mrs Wheeler gives the police officer New Coke (which is associated with Byler) instead of water. By the way, do you remember what Dustin and Steve put in Byers' fridge in s2? The Demogorgon. If my theory's right, it also represents Byler in some way. I won't write about it here in detail, so check out the original post, but few interesting things that are connected with this scene:

most tadpoles are aquatic, but Dart isn't. He doesn't need water;

Dart hates the sun, it hurts him (Will is associated with the light, and it hurts Mike to feel that way about his friend. It hurts to think you're never gonna be together because it's not right in the community they're growing up in. Actually, that's what Dart represents - Mike's being afraid of his feelings toward Will;

Mike wants to take Dart to Hopper (=the police officer). In the same season, we see Mike having his breakdown while talking with Hopper. He calls him a liar, but he actually talks about himself. "You've been hiding her this whole time! Protecting her? You're a stupid, disgusting, lying piece of shit! Liar, liar, liar!" In s3 we see him constantly lying to El, to others, and to himself. After Snow Ball, he realised he has romantic feelings for Will but hides them deep inside to protect both of them. He knows what it means to be a gay kid in the 80s. Dangerous. And we know Mike also hates lying. Friends don't lie. He hates himself. I'm stopping here because it's a bit out of the topic, but I'll write a separate post on this scene.

"Water it down" and "Water still works" both said by Nancy seem to be important lines, considering later Dustin offers someone H2O right after. It definitely has smth to do with Byler in a negative context, but I need more time to think about it (maybe @dinitride-art has some ideas about what the Duffers are trying to imply). I want to focus on Coke. Steve is talking about El while there's Regular Coke near Eddie and Skull Rock. Later we see some Stancy scenes in that very location.

Regular Coke = Stancy, Mileven = not endgame. New Coke = Byler = endgame.

Here are some scenes with Coke I n s4, but also I highly recommend you to read this post by @awhstrangerthings. Keep in mind, the thing = love, because in s4 Mike even says to Will: “Maybe I should’ve said something, and if I would’ve said that thing, then maybe she’d wanted me there with her, wherever she is.”

New Coke on the clock during Mileven's fight above Mike’s head = he’s thinking about the relationship between him and Will at that moment.

Regular Coke during the reunion scene, where we see El's disappointed because he wrote “From, Mike” again.

At Rink o Mania we see Regular Coke 2 times - when Angela takes El to the roller rink and Mike shows zero concern about it, ignoring the fact she definitely looked scared and uncomfortable near Angela (she even looked at him for help, come on, Michael), and when we see devastated El after the accident, sitting alone and Mike, again, showing zero concern.

Regular Coke during dinner, when Mike says “She didn’t look fine.”

Regular Coke during their interrupted talk at Surfer Boy Pizza, where Mike starts talking about their fight and we don’t happen to know what he wanted to say, because Argyle brings pineapple pizza (pineapple pizza and New Coke both represent Byler) and Mike looks very uncomfortable with but later calls it good and eats pizza.

Eating = loving. El dumps Mike and he starts eating.

Mike looks at Will's painting the same painting behind Max.

We also have THIS in Starcourt Mall teaser. A blue triangle. Two pies where the boy in a blue tank top picks one.

"And don't forget, a state of the art food court is just an escalator ride away."

Talking about the food, who was "foraging for food" in s2? Dart. And what season has the most Byler moments? Season 2. And who initiates most of them? Mike.

+ this parallel once again ties Dart to Mike. Not to mention the word "dart" means a small pointed missile that can be thrown or fired. The synonyms are “arrow”, and “barb.” And who is associated with arrows in s4? Michael Wheeler. Also, “to dart” means to move or run somewhere suddenly or rapidly. And who’s always late? Whose playlist’s full of songs about running? No way, it’s Michael Wheeler again.

Let's return to the scene in Jonathan's room and how it parallels with other scenes from previous seasons.

Again, "thing" = love. Games [DnD & Nintendo] = their relationships.

During their talk in 5x03 someone knocks and Mike decides it's his mom. Doors = being in the closet.

But it's Nancy, not mom, so he opens the door. Will he come out to his sister in s5? Or does it mean he was open with her in s1?

Losing, loving and hearing.

It’s interesting that El is listening to Mike’s monologue trapped in front of the door. The door with so much Byler symbolism (credit to @themacklemorebrothers for that observation). Mike's in the closet.

And, finally. Gay love wins because that's what the whole show is about. There upon a rainbow is the answer to a neverending story.

Part 1

#byler #stranger things #stranger things parallels #stranger things 4 #byler evidence #byler endgame #mike wheeler #will byers

86 notes · View notes

dontlikeadam · 1 month

Text

Song Interpretations Re-Done

Me and You Together Song (2020) - Often stylized with their initials M&YTS

Lyric Confirmations:

"I can't remember how we met" relates to next song.

---------

About You (2022) - The main song most often associated with Taylor. The song that Matty mouthed "This song is about you, you know who you are, I love you"

Lyrics:

"We get married in our heads. Something to do, while we try to recall how we met"

On Tortured Poets:

loml lyrics: "I wish I could un-recall, how we almost had it all"

Taylor also seems to have sampled this song in the background of Guilty as Sin

----------

Oh Caroline (2022) - A song Matty has always been vague about. But the overall theme of the song matches the situation. He wants to try again with someone, but doesn't want to mess it up this time.

The music video for Oh Caroline, includes a women who has a very similar aesthetic to Taylor in her video for delicate.

He always said the name was just a name that worked for the rhyming and beat (also noted in the songs lyrics), but I thought maybe it was in relation to Sweet Caroline being such an American song. Further discussed but Boys Like Girls putting these two together on their tour confirms this for me.

————

Roadkill (2020) - "And they're playing your song on the radio station, mugging me off all across the nation". Could be Taylor or Halsey.

Taylor does add a few odd Texas lines on the new album.

"I know it gets hard sometimes, taking out your shit on the ones you like. You know I didn't feel alright, until you spoke to me. You, I've been waiting for you. My whole life, waiting for you. "Well I'm gonna get a gun, but it's for her protection". Taylor mentions him having a gun under his bed on this album.

----------

Be My Mistake (2018) - This song could be Taylor and now I am assuming is, BUT A song that Matty kept on the setlist for almost every show of the last tour, despite it never being a popular song. A song where he led into every night mentioning guilt and shame and therapy. He seemingly used it in the tour to portray something important and included it during the most vulnerable part of the show, with him trying to heal his weird naked was figure of himself.

---------

Falling For You (2013) - Not a song that is ABOUT Taylor based on the year, but originally a song he dedicated to Taylor back early when she would come to their shows. A song he noted during this tour that "didn't work" in regards to "getting the girl". This was sang during most shows, usually with him "playing chess" or making a little family out of the chess pieces.

Relating possibly back to Taylors song Mastermind which is mostly likely about Matty and her lyrics "check mate, I couldn't lose” This also relates to the Fortnight music video. She also has a chessboard as the stage for this song on ERA's tour.

------------

"Sincerity is Scary" 2018 ABIIOR

"I'm sure that you're not just another girl, I'm sure that you're gonna say that I was sexist"

"Why we can't be friends when we are lovers, because it always ends with us hating each other"

"And why would you believe, you could control how your perceived?"

"I'm just pissed off because you pied me off, after your show when you let go of my hand. In front of some set who wanted bite on your.." - Champagne Problems and her dropping his hand while dancing.

Time frame wise, he didn't date any other singers that we know of who would have had a show, but did date models. So you could consider the line relating to a runway show.

---------------------------------

All I Need to Hear (2022) BFIAFL

Notably Mattys most emotional song this tour, especially early on. Maybe he had his dad sing it, because he couldn't?

"Reply to my message, pick up my calls. You see, I wrote you a letter, it was no use at all. Oh I don't care if you're insincere. Just tell me what I want to hear"

"I don't need the crowds and the cheers, just tell me you love me that alls that I need to hear. I've been told, so many times before, but hearing it from you, means so much more"

"You know where to find me, the place where we've lived all these years" referring to London? Counter argument being that it sounds more like someone he lived with and for a while, which would make it a better fit for the song to be about one of his parents or OG Gabi

---------------

This must be my dream (2016) ILIWYS

This is all pretty fitting, but the main points:

"I personify the 'adolescent on a phone' Speaking like I'm bigger than my body I personify that lack of freedom in your life" - He had more freedom to do what he wanted, be who he wanted to be without judgement.

"Let me tell you bout this girl. I thought she'd re-arrange my world. Takes a particular type of girl, to put my heart under arrest"

"So why is this feeling on my chest? (This must be my dream) Wide awake before I found you (This must be my dream) I can't wait for you, boy (Wake me from my dream) What does all our love amount to? (This must be my dream)"

Possibly related to him mentioning that he was in a dream? Or playing out a dream? Something like that around Australia dates. Let me know if you remember this.

"We can't make love when you fly around me, baby. Pipe down your no lover. It's failing 'cos you want it to. Well I thought it was love But I guess I must be dreaming" - maybe her flying all around and them not being able to really spend time together?

"I can't wait for you, boy (Wake me from my dream) What does all our love amount to? (This must be my dream)" Possibly him wanting to still party and be wild, or could be that he still wanted to make a name for himself on his own.

---------

Songs of his that are not specific enough that its clear they are about Taylor or not, but they share the same title as her songs:

“Happiness”

“Paris”

“Mine”

#taylor swift #matty healy

4 notes · View notes

wyntereyez · 1 year

Text

What happens under the mistletoe part 5 - a Storage 24 CS AU

Pinning down a hissing, spitting bundle of alien fury wasn’t easy, but Killian had a lot of practice by this point. Together with David and Robin, they were able to separate Emma and Archie with a minimum amount of damage. Physically. The handful of children who had witnessed this were probably scarred for life.

Though to hear Archie yell as Dr. Whale sewed up his arm, you’d think Emma had torn the limb off.

“I’m going to have to bake him a pie to make up for this,” Killian said with a sigh.

Archie glowered. “I’m going to need a year’s worth of pies to make up for this trauma.”

“Look at it this way,” Killian said, nodding towards the staring children. “You’ll have a bunch of brand new patients after this.”

“Killian!” Archie yelped.

“He’s not wrong, though,” Whale mused as he wrapped gauze around Archie’s wound.

Archie gave them considering looks. Mary Margaret looked appalled.

“Why is he dressed this way?” Emma, still in her natural form, narrowed her yellow eyes and flexed her lethal claws. Oh, good, this could still end badly.

“He’s pretending to be Santa Claus. It’s…camouflage.”

Emma tilted her head, considering. Her mandibles twitched. Then she grumbled, but grudgingly changed back to human form. She offered Archie a bloody smile and said, “Your disguise is very effective.

“Thank you?” Archie took a step back, sweeping off his beard and wig because at this point, the children had figured out he wasn’t the real Santa.

“Should I disguise myself like this to fool Santa Claus?” she mused, studying the discarded wig.

“You’d have better luck if you dressed as an elf,” Killian muttered.

Emma perked up. “What is an elf?”

“It’s what Killian was supposed to dress as until he backed out of it,” Mary Margaret pouted.

Killian glowered. “You always make me the elf. I retired.”

Emma appeared to be giving all of this great thought. This terrified Killian. After a long, terrifying moment, she announced, “Next Christmas, I will dress as Santa Claws. Killian will be an elf. My spawn will be with us, so we can teach him how to hunt. All your spawn are welcome as well,” Emma added magnanimously to the huddled children. Some of them actually looked excited by the prospect. Killian was not.

Killian thought he’d have an ally in Mary Margaret, but she actually looked excited. “That’s fantastic, Emma!”

“It’s not, it’s really not,” Killian muttered.

Mary Margaret ignored him. “I start planning in July. I’ll coordinate with you then.”

“Really, Mary Margaret?” Killian asked, when Emma was momentarily distracted by a child opening a present. “You know that’s a terrible idea, right?”

“She actually wants to dress up,” Mary Margaret hissed. “Unlike some other friends and husbands I can name.” She tossed David a withering look. David, somehow sensing his wife’s glare, looked up from the tree and gave them a frantic ‘what did I do?’ look. “You’re just upset because Killy the Elf is coming out of retirement.”

Killian’s face twitched. David laughed.

One year. He had one year to talk his stubborn alien wife out of this.

That was doable, right?

Right?

Killian was screwed.

“You’re wrong, Mate. I like this ‘Christmas.’ It’s a very violent holiday,” Emma beamed.

So very screwed.

~tbc~

Just a short piece to advance the story a bit.

#series: cs storage 24 au #author: wyntereyez #killian jones #emma swan #alien!emma #mary margaret blanchard #david nolan

6 notes · View notes

beautifulreflections · 1 year

Text

Blog Post 1: "Hurty" Thirty

“Hurty” Thirty

“Hurty” thirty my husband calls the thirtieth year of life. He likes to use the analogy that people are like cars, always deteriorating. In my most Christian voice I said, “I rebuke that lie in the name of Jesus.” Sure, we were getting older, but I didn’t have to claim ailments just because of that. In fact, I refused to claim ailments and sicknesses just because of the increase in years. ‘I claim health and wellness’ I thought to myself.

I used to run cross country. I was terrible at track and way too slow to be a help to my long-legged teammates, but I found out that I did have endurance. I still remember attempting to race in the four by four. The baton was handed to me and I was off, only to literally stop right before the finish line because sprinting was not my thing. There were students in the stands who pointed and laughed. It was an awful day, but I did learn that I was a long-distance runner equipped for slow and steady progress.

So, I found my place with the other long-distance runners on the cross-country team. I never won a race, but I always finished. That had to count for something right? It did for me. As I grew and matured over the years, I learned the value of endurance. Pressing forward amid struggle was a gift, and it was cultivated in cross-country racing. “The mind is the athlete” my coach would always say. So, I am challenging myself, mind, body, and Spirit at the start of this new year to kick some old hurt bearing habits.

During Thanksgiving and all the way past Christmas I overindulged. I had cakes, cookies, pies, Christmas candy, and tons of hot chocolate. Yes, I’m an adult and I love hot chocolate. I honestly even love to put the little marshmallows on top with some whipped cream for good measure. I act like I make hot chocolate for my two kids, but it’s mostly for me. I enjoy our Dunkin Donuts dates just as much as they do. After all, who can say no to a sugar laden drink and donut that keeps you going until your next fix? Not me!

Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You know. Do you also keep your Christmas candy in your room, so no one eats it? I do. And sharing the Christmas candy, well, is it so hard to give up those Haribo gummy bears and Godiva chocolates. I know it is. Because sugar is addictive. Between all the candy, creamers, cupcakes, and Christmas treats that are on sale now, it’s so hard to say no. Right? Exactly! And as I write this to you, I currently have a sugar headache because it’s been seven days of no sweet and addictive treats.

That’s right. You heard me. As I type this out, I am longingly staring at the Santa Claus Christmas bag which houses my beloved cookies, candies, and Hu chocolate bars. As it turns out, just because it’s vegan chocolate doesn’t mean it’s healthy for you. I know. When I found this out, I was so disappointed too. But here’s the truth, studies show that when we eat sugar it releases dopamine in our bodies, which just keeps us coming back to it for the next high. According to Healthy Simple Life, sugar can even be more addictive than cocaine. That’s sobering for sure.

Now that we are on the same page, I want to tell you why I’m what I’m doing. I was complaining to my husband about two weeks ago. “Ugh. These pants are too tight.” And He simply said, “Get new ones.” I considered it for way longer than I should have then said, “I don’t need to get new pants. I need to lose weight.” Friends, I’ve been the same size since I graduated from high school. I say that with overwhelming gratitude, but I also realize that if I keep up these unhealthy habits then I will not remain this size much longer.

My husband ruined me. (It’s easier to blame him that to actually take responsibility.) Before we got married salad was my favorite food and I chose it above almost every other food. Then I got married, and now I love sweets. My husband does too. So, we both have gotten into this unhealthy routine of living life for today, and that includes copious amounts of sugar. Of course, we wouldn’t want to admit that to anyone, but today I’m being brave and telling you.

After New Year's Eve, I decided that I had to give it a rest. All the sugar was hurting my body, making me dependent, exasperating my acid reflux, and making me feel stiff at music class when I was dancing with the children I teach. Forty days of no sweet treats or delicious donuts sounds daunting, especially when your family isn’t fasting from sugar too.

So, I am doing these forty days without sugar to purify my temple, this body that God has given me. Beauty starts within and I want my body to be a healthy place so that I can radiate without hindrance. After these first forty days, I will be implementing healthier eating habits, introducing less processed sugars (stevia, monk fruit), experimenting with wholesome cooking, and abstaining from sugar (all sugars) one day a week.

Join me in the highs and lows of this new journey I’m on. And, if you feel so led, drop the sugar with me and cultivate your inner beauty so that others will see and join us in making health and wellness a lifestyle. Let’s choose to be truly beautiful inside and out.

References:

Anna Schaefer. Experts Agree: Sugar Might Be as Addictive as Cocaine. Heathline, https://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition/experts-is-sugar-addictive-drug.

8 notes · View notes

fiadorable · 2 years

Text

67 Great Things in Serene Squall

Strange New Worlds season one episode seven... we're starting a mutiny 🏴‍☠️

T'Pring gets the opening monologue!

Long distance relationships are hard - I like the ritual of Spock and T'Pring both sitting down with a PADD and a glass of wine to try to bridge the distance

Spock narrowly avoiding a spit take as T'Pring drops "I have been doing research on human sex" right out of the gate

T'Pring rightly does some research on human culture to better understand her boyfriend, but seems to skip the part where she confirms that Spock is ready to embrace or even acknowledge that part of himself

Spock being distracted while walking with Chapel is delightful

Chapel helping a friend out with his relationship trouble

"Spock, are you telling me your girlfriend is moving too fast for you?"

"Don't try to be smarter than the truth"

"Also - pro tip: Pay better attention to me when I'm talking because…" "You are very charming and I am completely missing it?"

Dr. Aspen/Captain Angel's character is so cool, they are a treat to watch laying the groundwork for the takeover as early as this dinner (calling Pike a boy scout to prompt him to take risks later on in the episode)

Pike is 100% Starfleet's boy scout, in the best sense

Looks like Pike made lasagna for dinner, but La'An interrupts with the announcement they've arrived before they can eat

Bridge troubleshooting!

Finally! Someone in Trek who listens to music that sounds like it was made later than the 1960s. It's the antagonist, but it's a start.

"Interesting. He hasn't snipped his emotions yet."

Pike and Ortegas bridge banter I

The sound design for the ship moving through the asteroid field is great - all of the external ship stuff is great in this episode. I feel like I have a real sense of how the ship is moving in relation to its surroundings.

Asteroid laser trap!

Camera shot from behind Pike so we see what he sees on the bridge - I like it

Kaboom!

The laser net is a great first test for Spock - if he fails, then I'm betting the trap would disable the ship and then the Serene Squall would swoop in and attempt to take over the Enterprise. But if he passes, then not only does Enterprise get to continue on and reach the point where the crew is separated, but Spock is now off kilter from being forced to use his "gut". Either way is a win for Angel, although I'm betting they were hoping Spock would be able to solve the puzzle so they could fuck with him some more

Visible sigh of relief from Number One and Ortegas as the puzzle deactivates

Angel's little crab-legged ship is cute

Spock and Angel's "maybe you're neither" nonbinary discussion

Pike and Ortegas bridge banter II

In the future people will be accepting enough of other people's fashion choices that they will deliberately ignore the increasingly villainous vibes from a self-professed humanitarian aid worker's wardrobe as they approach their destination

Headcanon: Pike had Una and La'An do rock paper scissors to see who was going to be on the away mission with him

And as Pike beams away with the chief of security, there's Angel's first check, but not mate

Very clean takeover of the ship all things considered

Spock is a beast in hand to hand combat, dang

Everything about Remy the pirate is a win as are Pike's very reasonable, non-threatening-yet-not-impressed facial expressions

Number One death glaring at Spock from down the hallway as they march her to the transporter room 😂😂

The entire interrogation scene from "Handsome and witty. Aren't you a charmer" to "What's wrong with my cooking?"

Chapel is wearing the perfect white jumpsuit to be camouflaged on this empty white ship

I know those are Jess Bush's actual tattoos on her wrists and hands, but I would love to see an in universe explanation for them, it's an interesting character beat

Action!Chapel and her Hypospray of Doom

Pike butters up Remy like he's a dinner roll at Golden Corral while dishing out chili (?) to a pirate crew - it's a nice parallel because he's using the same tactics as Angel

Never ever put the senior staff together in a holding cell, come on, guys

"More good news: I convinced these guys to sell us to the Klingons."

Bahahaha Number One is suspicious (and rightfully so) and Ortegas is convinced Pike's lost his mind

The idea that Pike and Number One regularly start mutinies on away missions gone wrong is amazing and I need fic, please

Chapel trying her damnedest to get that SOS out to Starfleet

Chapel is the fault in Angel's plan - she's the worst person who could be left on the ship with Spock

Once Captain Angel reveals themself, their sarcasm gives me life

Great twist that they don't need any information from Spock, they just need Spock himself as bait

Gasp STONN???

T'Pring immediately starts out with "Who are you", no hi hello nothing, just who are you and why are you calling me

Sarcastic death threats have never been sexier

Angel's look of incredulous disgust as Spock insists that Vulcans aren't swayed by emotion 😂😂😂

Angel being pissed that Chapel is on the stupid ship in the first place, ruining their little back and forths with Spock

"Love is the only thing that makes the cold loneliness of space bearable"

Setting the mutiny in motion 🏴‍☠️

"Now let's get those transporters hot and trade lovers" 😂 what am I watching

"Spock, you are failing to communicate effectively" 😂😂😂😂

"Oh, you guys are fun"

Angel's plan going completely to pot because one little nurse got missed when they took over the ship

The pirate ship has a goddamn steering wheel

Backdoor codes!

Pike and Ortegas bridge banter III

Chekhov's necklace

"The question isn't what you are. It's who you are"

"Our mutiny is still in progress" as pirates literally climb the walls in the background 😂

Just a normal shift on the bridge, on the way back into Federation space to deliver some pirates to the authorities. Then out of nowhere… "Arrrrgh me mateys!" Your captain affects an old Earth pirate accent and demeanor from behind you. It is hilarious and sudden. The Dad vibes are off the charts. You beg the captain to stop before you burst into giggles on the bridge and ruin the carefully cultivated image of "where fun goes to die". You feel his frown and hear him sit back in his chair, but he desists and ship travels on. Your reputation is intact and the morale is lifted.

T'Pring's unwavering faith in Spock's faithfulness is beautiful and heartbreaking, as is Spock's relieved "of course" as T'Pring confidently says the one thing he's wondering if he's capable of

"So I know for certain there's no feelings between us" uuuuugh the angst… the mutually unrequited feelings (because I do think Spock does feel something for Chapel even if he can't or won't accurately quantify it right now)

With this episode ending on Stonn and T'Pring walking to Sybok's cell together, I wonder if he helped her do the prisoner swap - maybe he was even on the ship with her and we just didn't see… hmmm…

Sybok and Captain Angel had better return in Season 2

#star trek strange new worlds #serene squall #st:snw #snw great things #such a good episode #such a palate cleanser after the previous week #i proofread this 11 times but if i messed up angel's pronouns someone have mercy on me and let me know

21 notes · View notes

armyhome · 1 year

Text

(Un) Perfects | Beomgyu

⇢ summary: Lilo is a complicated girl, but also is Beomgyu and the journey of both are a mess.

⇢ pairing: Lilo x Beomgyu.

⇢ a/n: hi my people, it's being a long time since lost in your love story right? well i was really trapped in this thing called adulthood, it's sucks i know, but for me is always better then anything i lived while i was a tennager, i'm working on that on therapy I promise, which is why this story came to me, I think, here you will find deep things about me, so please don't judge... too much... ok?I know we live in a plastic society today, where everyone is so perfect and lives those perfect lives, but in this story everyone is (un)perfect, like me, so I'm showing the most human that my perfectionism allowed me to be, hope you all undertand.

Chapter 1: Attention.

Far from the downtown of San Seul, in the small neighborhood called Madeline, two little girls meet each other at preschool in the year 2002, one was called Ariel like Little Mermaid and because of that all the little girls decided that they would use princess names as nicknames, but the other girl didn't look like any princess at that time.

"You look just like Lilo…" Ariel says to her "From Lilo and Stitch, they have nicknames, but you get the face"

"But she is not a princess…" Lilo says almost crying, what else could a five-year-old girl do? "Wouldn't it be as much cool…" So something, better saying someone moves inside the sandbox.

"What you're talking about?" The boy with a cute accent emerges from the sand "Lilo is friends with an alien.." The sandboy makes Stich's noises "So much cooler than the others... By the way, my name is Hueningkai''

And for that day for the rest of their lives, no one on this earth would be capable of separating that trio, unless until high school.

2012

"Lilo, are you saying that you are not even considering falling in love?" Hueningkai asks while she was helping Ariel with a new haircut, bangs were difficult to do alone.

"Didn't you see how my mom was when my dad died? She almost made me an orphan! I don't wanna love if it's gonna hurt me like that…"

"Your father didn't die Lilo, he just thinks divorce was a better way…" Ariel says "And your mother is okay now with Mister Kang right? And you get a stepbrother Taehyun is cool, Soobin oppa says he is really cool, maybe if you open yourself…"All that conversation makes Lilo's blood boil.

"Stay still Ary, I will cut your hair right now" Lilo warned before closing the scissor, Ariel hold her breath, so the three of them look at their bangs in the mirror "We look absolutely cool"

"What on earth did you guys think?" Lilo mom's almost screamed at the bedroom door "Lilo, your hair…why? When? Did you forget that you're gonna have dinner with your dad today? What are you gonna say to him? " Lilo rolls her eyes.

"Tomorrow is our first day in high school, we just wanna look cool" Her mom blink slowly realizing how badly they cut their bangs, Ariel's hair was curly, on the moment that hair dried oh lord, she took a deep breath "And why I should go have dinner with a dead person?"

"Lilo you need to get over this, Henry is still alive and is your father…" Lilo lay on her bed in the most dramatic way.

"I prefer Mister Kang to be my father, Taehyun can't just share him with me?" Lilo's mother's sighed "I swear I'll be a good daughter to him…"

"Kids, I love to have you both here, but you need to go, Lilo needs to prepare herself to have dinner with her father, and your moms probably will need to find a hair stylist to fix the mess you guys did…" Lilo doesn't move a muscle when her friends live her house, "And hurry up Lilo, Henry said that he will be here in half-hour…"

So she does the reasonable thing, for a teenager, of course, put her pillow over her head and screams until she loses her breath.

lilo: [ he is taking me to juice y pies, I can't believe he wants to profane even my child memories argh]

ariel: [everything is gonna be okay lilo, maybe you enjoy]

kai: [you gonna have dinner where Soobin sunbaenim work if anything happens you can ask for help]

We don't talk the whole way until the restaurant unless I don't say a thing, I don't wanna be here, I preferer to be dead! The car stopped at the red light.

"Do you think one day you will forgive me Lilo?" Henry asks me if he deserves it after cheating on my mom and leaving.

"You're not making this easy Henry, you don't know do a simple thing like respect my space," He sighs and I roll my eyes "I'm being honest here Henry, everything you are doing is only making me hate you more and more…"

"I only ask for this night because it is important, and my right as your father…"

"OH, NOW YOU ARE MY FATHER HENRY? NOW? AFTER ALL, YOU DID?" He parks the car in front of Juice y Pies.

"You need to understand that my relationship with your mom is different from our father and daughter bond" I roll my eyes, he is just so stupid and selfish, I hate him so much that I would explode if don't get out of this car, I get inside the restaurant and as always the owner Mr. Park was receiving the night costumers.

"Oh Miss Fisher, long time since I see you right? Tomorrow starts your freshman year right?" I smiled at him, Mr. Park was the only stable thing in San Seoul, the only thing that was there forever, and will be there until the end of the says "Oh Mr. Fisher, how long too, good see you both on good terms, fathers and daughters should always get along, is for the best.."

"Henry is not my father anymore Mr. Park but it is really good to see you again…"

"I made a reservation, table seven, there's someone waiting already…" Henry says ignoring my sharp words, let's see how long he can do this.

Mr. Park guided us to silence the people at the table: my dad's new wife and probably her son, which couldn't be worse.

"Where's Yeonjunie?"Henry asks Danielle.

"He is almost arriving, he get some things to solve on the buffet at the last minute" Danielle answered, she get up and offered her hand to compliment me, I pretended I didn't see "Hum, this is Beomgyu my son best friend…" Oh so he can bring friends, I don't… I look at Henry like I could murder him with my eyes.

"When I think you are already a terrible person, you unlocked a whole new level Henry," I say.

"Yeonjun hyung said that you were dramatic, but I don't believe it was that much…" Beomgyu mumbles.

"If you have something to say, don't act like a coward, have the nerve to say it out loud, what is the purpose of that much muscle if it doesn't give you courage enough to sustain a simple thing as your words?" I look into his eyes, he gets up to face me.

"You don't know anything about my courage, or about Danielle and Yeonjun, so don't you dare say a thing… Maybe if you have a part-time job like us you would have a more realistic vision of the world" I smile sarcastically,

"Guess what Beomgyu I give zero fucks about your opinion, about Danielle and her son's opinion! I was obligated to be here, so guess what? I will be as much dramatic, crazy and any other misogynistic thing that you can say about me, cause guess what, I don't give a shit about what you think, but if you gonna say it anyway, you should say it out loud like you owned what you just say" The look on his eyes are pure hate, nice now I'm not the only uncomfortable here.

"If you don't behave this night, I will ask for shared custody Lilo," My dad warned I laugh.

"Try your best Henry, at my age, I can decide who I stay with," I look at him "If you make my mom feel bad another time for doing a thing like this, even if she says she will never talk to me again, I swear I will ask the judge a restrictive measure and you will not be able to get near me ever again…"

"How can you be so cruel to your own dad? He just wanna spend more time with you" Beomgyu says out loud this time.

"If you're sad for him, you can keep '' I say finally sitting. "Can we just finish this fast so I can go home? Tomorrow I have class, so be fast.."

"You're not the only one that has class tomorrow…" Beomgyu says smiling like a fool, lord I wanna punch him so much, break that perfect nose on his face "Lilo honbae…"

"Just over my dead body…" I say it. High school was my dream. It would be my golden years with my friends before we go to college. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "You can't do this to me…" I say to Henry.

"Lilo, let's eat first and later we talk about this with calm," Henry was such a cynical person, he wanted to destroy everything good in my life just because my mom found a way to be happy without him.

"I'm… I need to go to the bathroom" So I live the table, he will not ruin my high school, and I wouldn't let this happen, ever. So I feel someone hold me I look up and found Soobin's eyes.

"Go to the kitchen, I will make something good for you to eat" I nodded "You gonna be okay Lilo, we won't let these guys mess with you okay?"

"Okay," I whisper.

"I'll be there in a minute, " Binnie says, going to the saloon. I look at the kitchen door, and I just can't face Soobinie right now without collapsing, so I live using the back door.

Outside I feel I can breathe again, I look at the sky, just a feeling starts glowing because of how much light downtown propagates.

"You are the karaoke girl right?" A guy using a black leather jacket, he was so handsome that I wasn't able to structure a reasonable sentence "At the beach this summer you were singing, where was the song?" He sings the rhythm "You got me looking… How it was?"

"You got me looking for attention…?" I kinda sing and his smile became bigger "Sorry I don't remember you at Ariel's birthday party, you're her cousin?" He waves his head negatively.

"I was just a waiter, me and my best friend, his parents have a company that organizes parties, that day two waiters get sick and we were the only thing left…"

"Oh, that makes sense…"

"You sing really well by the way…" I feel my face burning "Everything is okay? I mean you seem very upset minutes ago…"

"My dad obligates me to come here, only to say that I will study with the son of the woman he cheats on my mom…" His expression became serious like he was really listening to me "Henry knows how much I wait for high school, I need to be perfect you know cause after that I and my best friends will follow completely opposite ways, this should be our golden years… And now is ruined…" I look at him, he seems torn somehow "Sorry I'm just oversharing my problems with you when I don't even know your name…"

"Is Y...Jun! My name is Jun" He says and the way he says remembers me of when I first met Hueningkai.

"Are you Hawaian Jun?" His eyes became wide.

"You're the first that guess right…" I smile at him.

"Well, I think I may not be everybody" Jun's smile became bigger "Are you driving? I know I just met you but I would be really grateful if you help me to escape..."

"Only if you promise that you'll sing during our runway, I really like your voice…" He offers me a helmet, I never rode on a motorcycle, and this makes my heart go even faster.

"Deal!" Jun took out his jacket and give it to me.

"So you don't get cold," I accept, my heart was beating so fast, was complete insanity just jumping on a stranger's back, but his perfume was so good that make all my survival instincts sleep for a while.

"Lilo where are you?" I heard Soobin's voice.

"Now Jun, we need to go!" I hug his dorso and his driveway, and we stay in silence until he parks at Sunset Square, was close enough to my house so I could walk home from there "Thank you, so much Jun…" I start to take off his jacket.

"You don't wanna talk about what happened?" He asks getting closer, a stranger was more willing than anyone in my family.

"I already overshare too much with you, I even already lie to you…" He looks confused I look at my feets "The one singing at the party was Ariel, I was just with the mic cause she was a bit nervous being on stage because of her family" So Jun laugh "I'm good at a lot of things, but singing is not one of those things, maybe one day…Thank you so much, one more time" So I fill my heart with courage, get on my tiptoe and give him a kiss on the chick "You really have me looking for your attention…" I whisper and just run. "SEE YOU HERE NEXT SUNDAY, 4 P.M, I'LL WAIT FOR YOU!" I scream running without looking back, oh lord I lose my mind.

"I'll be here!" I answer, OH MY GOD! I turned to see him one more time, Jun was already on his motorcycle but looking at me smiling "I'll be here" He said one more time, I ran all my way home.

When I got to my front door, mom ran in my direction and hugged me, with strength, she was crying and this broke my heart. I was as selfish as Henry.

"You run all the way home my love?" She asks I nodded if I say I take a drive with a complete stranger she probably would collapse "I'm sorry that I made you go when you don't want, is just Henry will always be your father, whether you like it or not…"

"Danielle's son could bring a friend, but Hueningkai and Ariel couldn't go with me, I was completely alone with all those strangers, Henry dares to put Danielle's son in my school, he knows how much I planned this year to be perfect, but he wanted I remind of him every single day…" Mom gets speechless.

"My girls, come inside, are already late…" Mr.Kang says inside the house "Lilo, I did that chocolate candy that you love so much!"

"Mr. Kang, you should adopt me, you know that right?" I answer by making him laugh and mom smile.

"I consider you my kid as much as Taehyun is, I don't need a piece of paper to tell this!" We get inside, and the first thing I do is hug him "Oh my little girl, you have a busy night, Taehyun call a feel hours ago, and he says that you can call him if you need anything…"

"I will send him a message, he probably studying this time, Law School is not easy" I make a spoon fool of brigadeiro, and for some damn reason that Beomgyu's words echoed in my mind "Mr. Kang, do you think I can have a volunteer job at your law office? I could help with the organization," Mom looks surprised and Mr. Kang gives me a big smile.

"I thought the plan was to live fully in your high school," Mom commented.

"I plan to live fully my life" I put another spoon full of brigadeiro in my mouth "And this will help on my curriculum"

"Let's think about this next semester okay? Once you adapt to your classes we definitely can find something for you there, Taehyun started as a volunteer as well" I smile at the possibility of just rubbing it in that idiot's face.

"Now when you finish I think you should go to bed, it is really late and you have class in the morning," Mom says and kisses the top of my head.

That night I dreamed about running away with Jun we were going so fast that I opened my arms and felt like I'm flying so another motorcycle get next to ours. I look at the pilot and was that idiot Beomgyu, he offered his hand to me, and I hug Jun with more strength.

"You'll hurt yourself that way, you idiot!" I roll my eyes.

"Why did you care?" And before Beomgyu could answer Henry shows up in front of Jun's motorcycle, Junie tries to stop but everything happens too fast, on the other minute I'm on my room floor.

Chapter 2: Ditto

#txt fanfic #beomgyu imagines #txt #choi beomgyu #beomgyu fanfic #beomgyu fic #beomgyu #choi soobin #choi yeonjun #kang taehyun #hueningkai

4 notes · View notes

vmfx · 2 years

Text

PANDEMIC BLUES (SUMMER).

At the tail end of Spring, I posted Merzbow’s Pulse Demon here on my sister site. I noticed that someone from the New York City / Long Island area liked it and I decided to see who she was.

Hesitation marks. Satanist. Anorexia. Borderline Personality Disorder. Medications. Has an OnlyFans account. Topless Shibari pics- of herself. Too-much-information posts about cream-pies and wanting to fuck some random guy she met who ended up abandoning her to get high with his friends. Wow. For most people, there’s so many red flags waved to say “no” the first time and move on. Amazingly, the t.m.i. - not the self-abuse, Satanism, or BPD - had me say “no”, too, until I found her other page which showed a more leveled side to her. Posts relating to her anxiety and depression issues. The color pink. Cute Japanese cartoon animals, Animal Crossing, and owns animals herself. Her paleness laying on the backyard grass with her long dark flowing hair down her neck and skinny wrists across her purple tee holding her pet rabbit. I re-considered because I empathized and related with some of what she suffered through. It’s May, and if I don’t take it now then I may not have it later. So hand me the dice and let’s fucking roll.

Ruth* posted about doing your 100% in a relationship and I checked it off. A few moments later, she caught me posting something of mine I took from the neighborhood veteran’s park. She messaged me to ask if that’s where I got it from. We finally reached out to each other. Lo and behold…she’s from the very same town I am! In fact, we’ve crossed paths before in that same park on one warm Wednesday before sundown, but we didn’t realize it was each other until after the fact. She’s into darkwave, some noise, the post-punk / d.i.y. aesthetic, noise rock, and introduced me to The Mountain Goats. Overtime she’s disclosed her use of LSD, acid, and getting blackout drunk as coping mechanisms of years-long bullying and social isolation. One story she told me was when she approached Jamie Stewart (Xiu Xiu) after his Brooklyn Bazaar performance and ended up telling him her life story. Fortunately, no heroin. She’s stayed away from it as half of her friends she’s ever known have perished from it. But most importantly as mental health sufferers we also matched on our worlds of hurt, our worries of opening up and having doors shut in our faces, text anxiety, and remembering that last time we felt excited about something.

At times I was on edge because I’d assume the worst if I didn’t get her texts that night or seen her posting and ignoring me. Not so. We kept in close contact. Intense texting during off-days and breaks, in parking lots and even me laying in the emergency room two days before we met. She’d finally disclosed her Satanist practices which her ma’ hated (no animals sacrificed) and her nudes which she feared would lose my approval. No judgment. She didn’t send me any, just a bathroom selfie of her 5’7” Polish-Jewish self with black curly hair, pouty lips, and large-rimmed glasses. The concepts of re-assurance and honesty made me chance it and open up to her that I’d never did with anyone else that quickly…despite her somewhat shy shortcomings. I was feeling euphoric once again. I now had someone I’d fight for. She was unique and could give me most of what I was looking for in a female.

I saw her post occasional suicidal thoughts and had to intervene on sight, taking no chances. But Ruth assured me everything was OK and were just that - thoughts. On a happier note, she lamented on how she missed riding her bicycle because of how nice her butt looks. She got points for that one. The moment she felt sad about not being at the beach, I went for it and asked to take her. “Sure!” she said. Boxcars! To hear her say that made me feel so fucking good. It meant everything to me. With minimal worry, we were on our way in meeting each other soon.

I absorbed the June moment sitting in my backyard against the fence under the trees, the stars, the moon, and the dark blue night skies. Personal tranquility, promise, and hope segued into something good while the nation was burning from all the civil unrest and pandemic restlessness. Violence, protests, and scorching fires were born from George Floyd’s murder by the police. People none more fed up than ever in lockdown lost their jobs and their livelihoods by witnessing the collapse of their favorite pastimes, venues, and restaurants. All the while an enablist president with a lust for dictatorship, hate, and murdering democracy dead was steering this country towards a fascist state to the point of no return.

* * * * * * * * * *

Wednesday’s here. I wake up, I shower, and have a light breakfast. Fresh clothes are ready to be worn. Buzz, brush, and razor. Take the phone out of its case and polish it up. Wash the car and vacuum it because who knows what type of person she is. 3PM came and I got her text. Ruth and her ma’ were in the neighborhood tending to an injured animal. She gave me her address and told me to be there at 4PM. I’m on my way.

It’s a breezy but silvery day. The weather is in a drab mood, but not enough to tarnish my excitement. Ten minutes, three miles, and some narrow wooded roads east later, I arrive at her house - and it’s about to fall apart. The slightest flick of the match would burn it all down. There’s tin statues of mini-animals and mossy bird fountains all over the place to pony up the storybook charm. No sight of her 20 cats, her bunny, or bird. It’s been five minutes waiting for her to come out. Lord knows what she’s doing but it felt special that’s she putting the finishing touches on herself for me. The front door opens and here comes Ruth. I was very happy how she turned out. Green and white-striped tee, a denim overall mini-skirt and torn black hosiery with rainbow specks and black boots. This is the same girl who’s been posting lewds and Japanese schoolgirl uniform shots? You would never ever know it by looking at her. It’s Irma Langenstein with social media accounts and that 2010′s online edge but she’s still got that weirdness. We trade hellos and smiles, got in the car, and rode west on the service road to the south shore through the salt-and-peppered day.

I was so nervous with her that I couldn’t even form a complete sentence. I felt like I owed her an apology for stepping over some personal boundaries in getting privy about feelings and her hedonistic side. The soft-spoken nerd assured me that everything was OK. The more we spoke, the more things smoothed out and relaxed themselves. We slowly drove as she explained to me about her BPD and gradually went into her interests before we arrived at Gardiner Manor Park.

We cut through the wooden trails to reach the shoreline and walked on the sands, walking by the sea ribbons, discarded shells, and old aquatic artifacts. It was where she told me she attended the same university as I and had friends at the radio station. Who does she know? J-Ro. Everyone knows J-Ro. They’ve worked together at the organic supermarket. What did she get him for last year’s Secret Santa? Sacred Bones’ Killed By Deathrock. Wow, she knows what’s up. We backtracked through the woods where she opted for the long way out and worked out because I wanted my money’s worth. She saw me constantly being pinched by the mosquitoes, and kind enough of her to actually care and hose me down with her organic citrus repellent.

We had time after showing each other our SE’s to drive to Argyle Park still under the cool cloudy skies. We circled twice around the large duck pond dodging both the goose smears on the asphalt and people fishing off the elevated walkways, aiming to fill the air with nothing-talk to make up for the awkward silences between us. My mind’s racing, my breathing heavy, and my pace almost couldn’t keep up with this quick little walker. I’m exhausted, she’s exhausted, and so was whatever daylight Wednesday had left. It’s 7PM. Time to drive the mouse home.

One amusing point of our day was while driving back east on Main st. we heard screetching behind us. I look up and there’s a group of people on the sidewalk looking over to see what just happened. In my rear-view I saw an SUV that blew a light penetrated into a parked car. Ruth and I slowed down and looked at each other mortified to our chests. Had we been 5-10 seconds slower, we might’ve been casualties. We still drove north towards her house, up Railroad Ave. and past what used to be the old Vinyl Paradise which was now George’s Vintage Clothing & Records.

I’m with a woman whose Williamsburg-mind would fit more in the city than on the island. Ruth had many friends to rely on in case of shelter and recently celebrated with a close friend who found an apartment in Queens, while she just returned from a winter job in Denver and came home with no car, no job, and no money in the bank. I wasn’t fazed at all. Along the way she’s disclosed to me that she’s had ten straight years of relationships lasting from five months to two years with at most four-month gaps of being single in-between. She’s been undefeated in the break-up department because she gets sick of them. All of them. No reason needed.

We pull up in front of her house. We have our final smiles and say our goodbyes to each other. I see her walk in through the front door and I slowly drive away. I arrive home and came down sad that our day ended. It shouldn’t have. With my luck, a day like this should’ve never happened, but somehow it did. And now I’m wrapping my head around it. I take off my black shirt. The aura of her citrus repellent overlapping mine of basil, black pepper, and cedar on fresh woven cotton lingered on for what would forever burn in my mind of our day together. I had a great time with someone who was on my level and wasn’t like anyone else from the island. That was capped off when I just got a happy positive text from Ruth: she had a great time, and it was nice meeting me.

* * * * * * * * * *

I gave it a few days to see how Ruth was doing. I texted her and asked her if she could go to George’s Vintage- one day with me.

“Sure! I’d love to go!” she exclaimed. So far so good. Then I asked her when she was available. No return text. My attempt to see her again fell on deaf ears. That’s odd. I didn’t want to push it, so I waited a couple of days and asked her again. She did somewhat reply, saying that she couldn’t talk because she had friends over and wasn’t able to make plans. There were times during my lunch break at work where I would shoot her a random text or music video like she had with me before. No response. Something wasn’t right. I had a feeling that things were deteriorating between us.

I saw that she just re-blogged something - about playing on people’s feelings, enticing them for sex and weed before abandoning them and never seeing them again. #that’s totally me! lol, she tagged. Are you kidding me? Is she really serious? Displaying her intentions for all to see about taking people for a ride and leaving them at the curb is all a silly game to her? Absolutely disgusting. I felt it, because this could be something she was setting up for me. The tension was tightening up and pulling away from the center. The metal thick-gauge wire was fraying and was about to snap apart. I said nothing about it to her and rolled the dice again on future plans, hoping she would snap out of it. I texted her if Thursday or Friday was good. She replied and said that she couldn’t. She had other plans to celebrate a couple of birthdays in with her family. I wasn’t going to hustle it, and with respect I told her to have fun and have a good time.

That week, New York State announced that all restaurants would re-open providing safety measures were implemented. I had no work that Thursday. I was craving for Japanese food after three months of total closures across the board. I went to Commack to sit down and chow down as much as I could for a couple of hours. I tried out half of everything they offered on the menu. All the red tuna and salmon sushi rolls, sashimi, miso soup, dumplings, fried rice, noodles with peanut sauce, and lychees I could possibly eat to the point of almost passing out. I tapped out and asked for the bill, paid my way out and left the restaurant almost unable to walk to my car. I got home and took a two-hour nap to relieve the food coma I was suffering from. It’s 6PM. The gym was still under lock-down and I felt like I didn’t accomplish enough for the day. Off to the neighborhood park I go.

My visit started like any other. Arrive with my SE in hand with my headphones and start walking around. Dark sounds of grimy, electric dancehall were in my ears as I minded my own business and wandered around the crooked wooden pathways. A group of people caught my peripherals during my travels. I look to my left to see a group of three people and…Ruth? She recognized me and waved hello in my direction. Such a…surprise to…see her? My mind knew something was wrong and couldn’t help to ask why she wasn’t with her family. That was my first instinct.

“Hey, Ruth…weren’t you supposed to be with your family?” I asked. “Yeah, but we’re taking a different shortcut through the park to meet our other friends!” she smiled. I took a pounding one-two punch. I was baffled when two and three equaled zero and nothing added up right. I saved face and said goodbye to her and the two others she was with.

“It was nice meeting you!” said one of her friends as I walked away from them; a verbal smack in the face disguised as a sweet, pleasant manner. I left the park feeling disposed and thrown out. What a dirty low-down tactic for someone to blatantly lie to me and smile in my face like I was nothing. Never had I felt so dejected and disgusted with anyone. She turned into a totally different person, othello-ing me in only a week’s time. There was nothing I could do except to sit.

She purposely stayed off for a few days until after the 4th of July weekend because she knew I wanted to make plans with her. Now here’s a new update on her leveled blog: blow-job posts and golden showers are her new fetish. Great to know. I asked myself why we’re still following each other. I had to get out of there and cut my losses before I discovered other things about her I didn’t ask for. At this point I don’t even know who she was anymore, so I unfollowed her. Ruth, being self-conscious of people leaving her, saw it. She finished the job and unfollowed me in return with the quickness. Snake eyes. Money’s over. Good-bye and good riddance to each other.

How did I fuck this one up? It could’ve been our shaky nervous start, the age difference, my openness, or pushing the accommodations too hard. But she didn’t tell me. Why would she? It’s more fun to keep people dazed in circles guessing. The games and deceit, careless abandon, moments that would never be, losses accruing, and what was once OK now non-acceptable made the hurt-avalanche come down hard. My anxiety, depression, and loneliness returned with it. If there was one moment in life that I was right the first time, it’s this one. Kevin Parker said it best: “the less I know, the better”. Had I stuck to my guns before, then none of this would’ve happened. But no. Common sense flew right out the window because Summer was at stake. It came down to risk versus reward and I lost.

Days after the fact and my mind was keeping itself busy over-calculating and over-thinking what hurt the most. I still couldn’t get her out of my head. Envisioning her getting shaken and rocked by some other luckier undeserving guy. What in Christ’s name she’s posting on her money accounts kept me up at night because I went out of business and who knows above what I’ve done to have it all collapse. The intense flares in my mind lit vividly and radiantly thinking of what I could’ve had with her and lost.

Before we met, I read the risks as much as I could and did my 100% to support her. I got all the difficult questions out of the way about her kinks, drug use, and t.m.i. because I wasn’t going to revisit another life-changing personal collapse like what happened before: the Brooklyn goth girl who gave me my latest heartbreak that forever changed me for the worse. Since then, I pay an even heavier price for strikes and losses these days which, adjusted to inflation, I’m still struggling to pay off. This time, I took everything I saw at face value instead of ignoring the ugly truths shielded by the beautiful lies. I already knew at first sight, so why pretend to be naive and ignore the cards on the table? Because I asked, my situation with Ruth didn’t hit hard as before. Yet, I underestimated how severe her instability was and that’s why I’d never thought it’d backfire that quickly. Did she intend on turning against me all along? Did she know what she was doing? Am I right to feel hurt and upset as I should? How fucked up was it that what we both suffered through were the very same things she ultimately used against me? Does she really hate me that much? Can I blame her? It may be her mental duress that already made her feel sick of me like the other men she’s been with, but what’s the difference? Sufferers do what they do with no apologies like non-sufferers do, just like Satanists need little or even no reason at all to go for the kill as much as non-Satanists who are as naturally heartless when they tell others to fuck off; compacting the sting of being suddenly tossed aside so quickly like an option while I’ve made them a priority.

My anxiety / depression drove its fangs deeper into my skin and almost right to the bone. The venom induces black spots, obscura, cataracts, and tinnitus. Illusions, juxtapositions, and reversed images. Everything made me lose focus on myself and the beauty in things I’m after. It’s scrambled the ideas that gave me value in myself and separate myself from the others. I couldn’t see and experience things others were enjoying because my mind was on overdrive, scrambling to find answers or imagining all the relentless regret, false constructs, failures, catch-22’s, contradictions, double standards, and fear of being left behind. My memory was failing on me because my mind was burnt out on fighting these intense obstacles that clouded my vision.

Anxiety / depression and BPD are such demons; always behind the controls to make one raging hot or on total shutdown. No matter how hard I shake them off, they never let go. Look around in this dystopian America I live in; the three-ring circus politics, the constant barrage of lies and defeatist news producing ubiquitous toxicity. The self-demoralization and -devaluation from friends, family, and co-workers. Social media, dating-site pitfalls, repetition re-enforcement, the quarantine and isolation have all lowered human emotional morale. I’ve come to realize that my lifetime threshold of tolerance for drama, rudeness, and being taken advantage of has way exceeded its limits. I’m sick and tired of being disappointed, mistreated, and broken. But as I learned dealing with mental illness, it’s out of my hands. There’s no end to it in sight. Not where I’m from.

I’ve seen a huge push for mental health awareness along with a growing urgency for it to be more inclusive and less ostracized in society’s eyes. Unlike my dad who used to attack everything that moved, I confided to my surviving family who listened with welcoming ears. Friends whom I can count on one hand stopped and took the time to listen to me unconditionally. Followers of mine opened themselves up to me about their emotional struggles and that support went both ways. Everyone else who saw me down on my luck picked me up with no judgment because I chose the right ones. (Save for my general manager who seemed concerned about my well-being but was really interested in how far I gotten with her.) Some of them warned me to issue common sense next time and to stop at red flags instead of speeding past them - doing so to see the good in people would certainly cost me later.

Knowing me, I would’ve kept going because she was more than I had: nothing. There are nights I still think of her and sympathize with her hellish struggles. We should’ve been supporting and sympathizing. Instead, we despise each other. We have our own reasons. I can’t ignore the fact that she acted spitefully. I’ve been hurt way too many times but she didn’t see it, and those effects still linger to this day. Sadly, in Long Island’s disposable world of dating and meeting people, it’s all or nothing. No in-between, no gray area, no room for error, no negotiations. Once it’s over, it’s over. And after all that happened, I don’t regret meeting her. Not one bit.

* * * * * * * * * *

Every evening after my workout session, I sit by the lakeside for peace of mind and meditation. Come 6-7PM I’ll watch families, couples, and groups of friends stroll along the decks and sandy shorelines under the setting sun behind the trees. The bright yellow sunbeam streams are blocked by the trees surrounding the water all around as the horizon turns different dim shades of gray, orange, turquoise, and dark blue morphing by the goodbye sun; peeling back all shades of light to reveal the moon hanging overhead. A car full of young teens pull into the parking lot behind the lake with The Weeknd’s “Blinding Lights” blaring, the new Summer hit sensation. The daily treks through my neighborhood to the trails with an iPhone full of post-punk and d.i.y. grasping the aesthetic are over. I can never return. What a waste that I can’t enjoy myself in the very town that I live in, that is, unless I want to chance re-opening new wounds and enjoy feeling sick to my stomach, running into friends-turned-strangers who threw me away.

It’s 2AM Monday morning. I’m in my own spacious backward sitting on the fresh cut grass away from the swimming pool. The full moon smiles down on me as it chases Saturn and Jupiter. Faint trails of clouds suspend themselves against the clear hazy milky skies. I hear the rushes of vehicles riding down the highway that’s 300 feet away from my home but the streams and perpetual frequencies of chirping crickets are closer proximity and priority.

And now, tonight's news: the Brazilian woman from the radio station is out vacationing on a yacht with her new boyfriend who's all smiles and they're having the time of their lives. A goth-girl acquaintance is raving about her new b.f. and how she's screaming up and down the block telling everyone how much of a great guy he is. The ginger with the burning red hair, big brown eyes, and freckles just put up pics- of her boyfriend whose arms are wrapped around her with this hot-shit look on his face. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here feeling worthless while all of this is going on as the world keeps rotating without my input. Charli XCX & Sky Ferreira’s “Cross You Out” and Grime’s “Violence” run burning hot and full of euphoric energy from my iPhone right to my head. In A Dramatic Gesture’s “Basic Aerobic” plays right after, a track that took me back to when I had more promise between us.

But any time I think of how left-field The Mountain Goats sounded, it’ll remind me of her. I have forever quit them. Now those sounds are tainted by bad experiences, cruelties, and large pills hard to swallow. What a disgrace that it’s summer and there’s no one to share any moments with. No one to stay up with at night to talk about favorite music artists, the state of consciousness and well-being, or prying my mind wide open and say what I’m thinking or feeling - without repercussions or feeling demonized and vilified.

Who knows where she is or what she’s up to. Is she sleeping her precious daylight away? Did she find another guy to share her next drug journey with, or what sexual acts is he putting herself through now that she’s ready to go? All I know is she’s having a winning Summer. I'm not.

#personal #Long Island #dating #Charli XCX #Sky Ferreira #Grimes #The Weeknd #mental health

9 notes · View notes