#because you WILL encounter people like that when u interact with customers

[sylvies-kablooie]

when sylvie rolls up to a branched timeline during the year 1982 in the middle of oklahoma in a random field, i am torn between the emotional potency of her experiencing a timeline that was destined to be destroyed like her own was, and how fucking weird it must have been for jack, the mcdonalds employee whose only priority is to graduate high school, to have encountered this feral creature rolling up straight from the end of all time. she's still in her battle armor and has open gashes on her face and she's asking for something that isn't a squirrel, possum or a rat, please. he adjusts his tie with a smile and says "okay!" when the woman with a machete asks to try everything. absolute king. customer service is just like that sometimes.

#you guys don't get it it's such a rare event for someone with a british accent to roll up in america #he must have been shocked by that alone #but he seems so unbothered #this random lady doesnt even know how to order food so he just explains to her what they sell there #because you WILL encounter people like that when u interact with customers #and you are also like 17 and only really care about homecoming #anyway jack ur a king i'm glad u got to live in that branched timeline while u did #loki #loki series #loki show #loki tv show #loki tv #sylvie #sylvie laufeydottir #loki s2 #juni analysis

[hoodoo12]

Doll (1/2)

More Robo Fizz s-m-u-t you thirsty, thirsty people.

NSFW

@go-commander-kim @monsterlovinghours @mimiscappinisideblog @jester-junk @jesterfestivle @beetlebitchywitch @realmonsterboyhours @yankyo

Enjoy!`

You didn’t show it to anybody, and you definitely didn’t keep it out for anyone to see if they ever came over to your tiny one room flat, but you had an old Robo Fizz doll. It was a hold over from your imphood, and it had been your favorite toy. A constant companion when you were young, the doll was now ragged and worn; not only was the colorful costume discolored and his face a grimy grey, but Robo Fizz had had multiple repairs in uneven stitching, and his left shoulder cap no longer had a frowning face. You’d rubbed it off with your thumb because you wanted him to always be happy. 

Now his plush limbs were lumpy from where the stuffing had clumped and flaccid in spots where the stuffing had settled elsewhere. Any original texture was threadbare. You didn’t care, you still occasionally cuddled it when sleep didn’t come easily. 

None of the hundreds of Robo Fizz dolls in the window of the souvenir shop looked anything like your old doll. These were all bright and shiny and brand-spankin’ new. 

Jostled repeatedly by a seemingly never ending string of the implings and their either exasperated or also overly excited parents, you finally just went along with the crowd and entered the store.

Inside was a marketing director’s wet dream. If the Robotic Fizzarolli himself had come in and vomited, it would probably look like this place. Robo Fizz merchandise was everywhere, and if it wasn’t his exact likeness, it was the colors that made up his outfit. Everything from breakfast cereal to pencils to kid’s outfits to hats to water filled globes with glitter and a tiny Robo Fizz inside to keychains to posters to . . . there was so much you could barely take it all in. You decided to stick close to the display of dolls. 

They were of varying quality. The smallest were vague and minimalistic in their likeness of the star of the carnival. The larger ones had much better workmanship and one, in a glass display case, purported to be wearing a vintage costume the Robotic Fizzarolli had worn in one of his shows. The dolls that were the same as the one you had loved through your imphood were somewhere in the middle, towards the lower end. 

You picked one up out of the pile. This pristine doll in your hands had pom-poms on his collar that weren’t compacted balls of felt, like yours. You’d forgotten that originally your doll had had metallic fabric edging the costume; this one’s fabric was uncracked and gleamed in the overhead lights. All of his limbs were properly stuffed. It was tempting to buy a new one. You did love your doll, and were still a fan of the Robotic Fizzarolli. But all these shiny, mass produced dolls didn’t have the personality of your well-worn and well-loved Fizzy, and it felt a little like a betrayal to buy another. 

Just as you were setting the doll back on the pile, a impling shoved between you and the display. You stumbled back. The doll flew out of your hands. It landed almost back where it belonged, and you managed to keep your feet under you. No one apologized: not the impling, not his parents who were now also crowding you out as if they hadn’t seen you or, more likely, didn’t care. 

You should’ve put up a fuss but it wasn’t worth it. You wandered away from the large display of toys to look at the other bobbles. Just like the dolls, some had cheap and shoddy quality, while higher end products were better made. Their price tags reflected it.

At the back of the store, near a wall rack of shirts emblazoned with his face, a doorway with a beaded curtain caught your eye. 

You’d been in this gift shop at Loo Loo Land before and had never seen that door. Granted, it was when you were a young imp, and your brain had been overloaded with sugar and the joy of getting your very own Robo Fizz doll. It was partially behind the cashier’s counter, but there was no sign that indicated it wasn’t for the public.

The imp in a smock at the register looked a combination of bored to tears and annoyed at her situation, so you didn’t feel comfortable asking about it. Out of the corner of your eye you watched two imps disappear through the door, and feeling bold, you followed. 

The beaded curtain parted and one strand trailed along your horn as you went into the back room. There was a very short hallway, and a turn to the right into another room, which was why you couldn’t see anything past the initial doorway. 

Inside the room was another plethora of Robo Fizz merchandise. 

However, there were no implings, only adults, and the few customers there, although excited, all seemed to keep their glee subdued. 

Looking to your right, your eyes widened at the wall display of dildos in various shapes and sizes, all their packaging proclaiming they all were authentic Robo Fizz replicas, exactly like the original Robo Fizz’s assortment of phalluses. Past that display was a large selection of bdsm products, including handcuffs that mimicked Robo Fizz’s cuffs, and whips that looked segmented, possibly to look like tentacles? You weren’t exactly sure. 

In front of you were standing racks of clothing again, but these were lingerie, all designed as riffs  his jester’s outfit. A couple was looking through them; one skimpy bra and panty set was held up and they both seemed pleased it was in her size. 

There were piles of lollipops molded like his tongue, tentacles, and again, various cocks. A huge shelf of DVDs all had Robo Fizz on the cover, each touting to provide a different sexual fantasy. 

Along the far wall, there was another large display of dolls. 

Like in the front of the store, you were drawn to them.

Although there was still a wide assortment of size and quality, none were smaller than the one you had at home and all promised a more intimate encounter. The top of the line was a Personal Companion Robo Fizz, which you’d heard about but never had the chance to see one in person. It towered over you, looking vaguely menacing standing so still and lifeless compared to its manically boisterous original. 

“It comes with a free gallon of lube. You can get a subscription to have a gallon shipped to you on a monthly basis,” someone said behind you. “Uh--what?!” 

An employee in a smock like the imp’s out front stepped up beside you. Nodding towards the Personal Companion, she said, “You buy it, it comes with the first gallon of lube. You might need more, if he’s receiving, but even if you use if more for giving, you still need some to make his tongue more pleasant. No one likes getting eaten out by a cold mechanical mouth with zero lube!”

She shuddered dramatically. You weren’t quite sure what to say. Luckily--you guessed--she continued. “He’s top of the line, of course. Everything you’ve heard on the commercial is here. He’s got the BDSM feature, has two tentacles that you can attach so you can be double penetrated and spit-roasted at the same time, has so many speeds and patterns for vibration, and is super easy to clean! There’s a standard set of phrases he can say, but he can also be programmed to call you whatever you’d prefer, like Mistress or sweetie pie, and you can add a few other personal words too. And if you upgrade to the semi-AI package, he learns your preferences and his interactions with you can be even more life-like!”

You blinked up at the Personal Companion, overwhelmed by the enthusiastic sales pitch. Even if you were interested, there was no way you could afford it. Maybe, if they offered rental of him, you could swing half an hour, but more likely only fifteen minutes. 

You thanked her and told her it was out of your price range and made to move away. She grabbed your arm and pulled you down the line of dolls. “I get it. A Personal Companion is expensive. But there are lots of other options!”

The grip she had on your arm was relentless, just like her sales talk. She gave you the specs and features of each type of doll available. They all had different attributes, some only vibrated, some had interchangeable cocks, some were designed for imps who preferred to penetrate. Several of the middle to high end dolls had a ‘sparking’ feature for a more authentic experience. All of them were machine washable. 

Despite yourself, you began to think maybe you did want a new doll. 

You still couldn’t afford something fancy. There was one type that was similar in shape and size to your old Fizzy, but came with a single cock folded up under his costume. It had a bit of a heft to him, and the sales clerk told you it was because of the motor--it didn’t have thrusting gears, but did have three different vibration settings. The price was slightly higher than you expected so you hemmed and hawed, but with the sales clerk smiling encouragingly, you decided to buy it. 

“Excellent! Listen, since you’re a first time customer I’ll throw in a voice chip for you. Free of charge.”

You nodded your thanks, and followed her to the register to ring it up. She made sure the “adult” attributes of the doll were tucked away and the button was off, and it looked like any other innocuous Robo Fizz doll in the gift shop’s bag. She also tucked a tiny bottle of lube into the bag for you too, another free gift. 

She thanked you for your purchase and you went back out into the main room of the shop, clutching your special Loo Loo Land souvenir to your chest. 

tbc . . .

#writing #fanfiction #Robo Fizz #Robo Fizz x reader #robotic fizzarolli #helluva boss #helluva fizzarolli

[retail-hell]

Dumbasses I Have Encountered at HotTopic

The lady that followed me into the cashwrap (our register area is U shaped, with a small opening for us to slip in and out of) and then stood over me for a whole minute while I stared at her like she lost her mind. She didn't move until I went, "Uhhh...I need you to step back." "Why?" "This area is employees only." "...Oh! Oh right!"

That customer who held up a hand mirror, that says it's a hand mirror on the packaging, and asked, "What's this?"

Black Friday when I stood outside the entrance of HotTopic and kept yelling "TEN DOLLAR T-SHIRTS! COME AND GET 'EM!" while swaying back and forth, and people kept getting startled by me because I "blended in with the mannequins" (Which aren't like white or flesh toned like my pasty ass. They're all black, like the color of this font, black.)

"Would you like to round to the nearest dollar, and donate 65cents to the HotTopic Music and Arts Foundation?" "I ain't got 65cents." "...No, I'm asking if you would like to round your total to the nearest dollar, and donate the difference to charity." "Oh..." The customer tries to hand me a dollar. "...Sir, please. Have mercy."

That guy who came in "looking for jewelry" 10 minutes before we closed, and went straight to our body jewelry and gauges. I politely asked if he needed any help, and he said, yeah. The exchange is as follows: "I want some earrings, you know? I want something cool, but not too much, because I work in a funeral home." "I gotcha I gotcha. So what gauge is your ears?" "I'm not sure." "Have you every gauged your ears bef-?" "I want those!" He points at some size 4 tapers. "Okay, are you sur-" "How big are they?" "They're-..." I look between his ears and the tapers, and can't tell if he's gauged a little before or not. "They're pretty big. Have you ever gauged before?" "No." "Oh, so you'll want something small like an 18 or a 16, if you're just starting out." I put the 4s back and grab an 18 to show him the difference. "Will the holes shrink back after a while?" "I-...Uhh...Yeah? I mean, if you don't go too big while gauging, they can shrink back." "I want these ones." He points at the 4s again. "Sir...If you've never gauged before, I'm afraid those will be extremely painful to use. You'll hurt yourself." "How would it hurt?" "You're-...You're stretching your ears. That's how." "Do they go back?" I finally get tired and call my manager who knows a lot more about body jewelry. She quickly discovers the guy wants faux gauges, which we don't carry, and I felt to drained by the interaction, I laid down on the floor behind the cash wrap.

Literally every person who sees me in these kitty tights and either A) asks me if they're tattoos, even when I'm standing next to where we have them in store, or B) walks up and just touches my legs without asking me as they inspect them.

"Hi do you work here?" They ask, when I have a HotTopic lanyard and ID on, and am very clearly folding t-shirts.

Literally every person that comes into my store and asks where our sex toys are. (My location gets this a LOT because the mall our store is in doesn't have a Spencers.)

"Hi where is your lingerie?" "We don't sell that here." "You have before." "Years ago maybe, but we're a family brand now. You're thinking of Spencers." "Oh. Well. Do you know of any place in the mall that sells lingerie?" "...There's a store literally 4 stores over, past the elevator. How did you miss it?"

"Do you sell Blues stuff?" "No." "Where can I get Blues stuff?" "I don't know. Try Google." "How do you not know?" "...What about me gives you the impression that I know anything about sports?"

#retail #retail hell #working retail #retail stories #retail worker

[prorevenge]

Gym member flips out at me for not knowing who he is. Months later I get to call him out for it in-front of people who matter to him

The time was the mid 2000's. EdwardRoivas had graduated from college and was having trouble landing his first professional job. While he searched, he sold gym memberships by day and waited tables by night to make money and get out of his parents house.

TLDR - I work at gym and waiting tables out of college. Try and scan self proclaimed super important guy when he walks in, he flips out on me. Boss says - yeah thats Gene he doesn't like to have to swipe in. Months later I get a professional job and see Gene on the elevator, he works in the same building as me. I expose story to other big wigs in building in front of Gene, who does not deny his appalling behavior. Gene slowly removed from executive social circle. I get drunk.

My first week on the job at the gym - one of the front desk girls needed to use the bathroom and asked if I would cover. Just take their card, swipe it, and offer them a towel. If they dont have their card, look them up on the computer. Can do.

I swipe a few people in, its around 4:30 and some people are coming from work. An older guy, probably in his 50's, think this actor but shorter, walks in. He is in his suit, indicating he is coming from work, with a gym bag over his shoulder, and the angle at which he is walking indicates he has no plan at all attempt to swipe in. I professionally say "Excuse me sir, can I see.." and he glances at me and continues to walk into the gym.

Keep in mind, I was new and I had gone to a 3 day training (overkill) on different ways to sell the gym, and one of the key points was safety. Saying things like "we only let members in, we have everyone's licenses and information on file", etc. I think of these points so I come out from behind the desk, thinking I will gladly look this guy up if he forgot his card. As I approach him I start to again say how I need to swipe him in and he FREAKS THE FUCK OUT ON ME. It's been over a decade, but the main points were he comes here every day, he never swipes in, and everyone knows who he is, and I am an idiot - all as loud as he could be, in my face, and very aggressive. I am completely taken back, embarrassed, and angry.

The gym manager comes out of his office and settles things down and tells Gene he can head on in. The manager tells me Gene doesn't like to swipe in, and that when they see him they just search for him and let him walk on. I'm pissed, but the manager seems to just accept it as something that happened.

I continue to work at the gym for 6 months, seeing Gene a few times a week and never saying a word to him. Eventually while I was gone one of the other sales reps took one of my prospects and signed them up. The sales girl told the prospect she was my manager and she would make sure I got the commission. She was not a manager and did not. The only reason I know is because the gym member told me. I call her out on it, she defends it. At this point I had already put in my two weeks notice and the manager tells me not to come back in. Fine with me - that place was TOXIC.

4-5 months later I get a job at an asset management company and I am thrilled. I like my work and the boss who I directly report to is pretty high up in the company. I work on a building that has 16 floors and the company I work for occupies the floors 14, 15 and 16. I rode the elevator with my boss a few times and saw him interact with the big-wigs from the other company - they had an informal group that would often go golfing and to dinners with each other.

One day I am waiting for the elevator to leave for the day when my boss come out and get on the elevator with me. We start to go down, picking up more and more people who are trying to get home, and 3 of them are executives in my bosses social circle. We stop at a floor and who should get on the elevator, complete with his gym bag, was Gene. He and my boss shake hands, begin discussing weekend plans, etc. My boss then introduces me to Gene, and I give zero fucks. I've been thinking about this guy for months.

Me: "Oh Gene and I have already met" (I say in a tone that dictates Gene and I have some history)

My boss is taken back by my tone. Internally I hesitate for a moment, but my boss likes me and this guy mortified me. I had been in enough customer service/retail jobs since I was 15, I've taken a lot of shit. But this guy was one of the worst, it really stuck with me, because it was completely and totally undeserved. I was just trying to do my job.

Gene is having trouble placing me.

Me: "I worked at (INSERT GYM NAME). My first week there you berated me with obscenities at me at the top of your lungs because I asked you for your membership card when you walked into the gym."

Gene's jaw has now dropped - my bosses head turned from me to Gene. Gene does not try to deny it, he stammers.

Gene: "I...I never bring my card and everyone there knows me so I always just walk in."

Me: "Yep. The manager told me after our incident. Anyway, like I've said, we've met."

I just go back to riding the elevator. No one is speaking. Elevator gets to the ground floor we all go our separate ways. It felt good, but I was regretting it now, because we are going into the weekend and I will have to wait until monday morning to see if my boss is upset with my behavior or not.

I still waited tables, went right to work, told my co-workers what happened and we proceeded to get trashed in my honor once the restaurant closed.

Monday morning I get to my desk and eventually in my travels through the office I have to pass my bosses office, who calls me in. He asks for more details about my encounter with Gene.

Me: "I pretty much gave all the details in the elevator. It was my first week selling gym memberships (he knew of this job, it was on my resume), I was covering for a front desk person who needed to use the restroom. Gene walked in and I was told to scan EVERYONE into the gym, I tried to tell Gene this and he went off on me. Honestly I've been thinking about him for months and was blown away when he got on the elevator. I've never really said anything like to that anyone and I didn't plan on it, it just came out as soon as I saw his face."

My boss was blown away that it happened, and that Gene's excuse on the elevator was "Oh yeah I never bring my card." I said yeah he could have said that, he could have explained it to me, could have told me his name, could have said talk to the manager everyone knows me, but he chose to explode over something like this and a 22 year old just trying to do his job.

Eventually my boss told the other executives and they cut Gene out of their circle. I got on the elevator a few times with me and Gene only and each time I was sure to give a smile and say "Hi Gene!"

He got what he wanted - I never forgot who he was.

(source) story by (/u/EdwardRoivas)

#prorevenge #by /u/EdwardRoivas #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

[evak-fic-rec-turtleanon]

Evak Fics - Magical AU

Magical Realism. Witch/Warlock/Wizard. Other magical stuff. I'm not really sure what would constitute as magical realism so I mostly put the fics with that tag under that category. I've excluded Harry Potter fics as they are in another list. Under a read more:

***** MAGICAL REALISM *****

never land. by withoutwords (427 words) - There’s a boy at the foot of Isak’s bed that kind of looks like Even.

Gay Jesus by unsungyellowraincoat (1.2k words) - Eskild has an encounter. Not focused on Evak  

it's only love that gets you through by MinilocIsland (1.5k words) - For as long as he can remember, Isak's handled everything on his own. But maybe – today of all days – things are about to change.

i wish for by hippopotamus (2k words) - Isak just wishes that one person would want to get to know him before they knew that he could do magic.

you are a kaleidoscope by grinsekaetzchen (2.4k words) - The first time Even sees Isak across the schoolyard, his own magic grips him so tight, he has to sit down to get it under control again.

It Feels Like - by scritch (3.2k words) - Everything in the room is floating when Sonja gets to Even's house. Sonja POV

In Another Parallel Universe by Twinklylightseverywhere (3.5k words) - Maybe parallel universes aren't as romantic as Isak once thought.

waiting for the sun to rise by MinilocIsland (3.7k words) - Isak has never been able to stay away from the edge of the forest, even if he should. The secret he finds hidden underneath the leaves doesn't make it any easier.

these stars will guide us home by everythingislove (straykid) (3.8k words) - The five times Isak has his stars, and the one time he finds his moon.

The Magic of Christmas by wyoheartsmusic (3.8k words) - Isak hates his job - especially during Christmas; to be honest, he pretty much hates anything involved with Christmas. But then Even comes around...

Giving back is all I wanna do by nofeartina (3.9k words) - The one where Isak is having a bad day and Even does what he can to cheer him up (including using his magic).

Shifting by bri_ness (4.6k words) - Some people believe that when you fall in love, your world shifts. Even runs a popular tumblr about the shift and how people experience it.

who am i, darling, to you? by colazitron (4.7k words) - Even plucked a magical flower three months ago.

daffodils, daisies, snowdrops & roses by puddingandpie (4.8k words) - in a world where u are assigned a Season at birth which defines your magic, isak is a Winter, even is a Spring. they shouldn't work. somehow they do.

with the taste of a poison paradise by chasingflower (6.1k words) - Isak hangs out with his friends during the day and at night he kisses the Dream-Even that lives on the other side of the door in his living room. Coraline au.

helpful magic by everythingislove (straykid), puddingandpie (8.7k words) - Five times Even uses his magic because of Isak, and the one time he actually tells him about it. 

starlight by thekardemomme (13.7k words) - Even was born after a drop of sunlight hit the earth, and Isak has gold in his green eyes.tangled au. 

if i could fly by thekardemomme (27k words) - Isak’s stranded in Oslo and Even takes him in, even though it’s against Isak’s number one rule: don’t interact with humans whatsoever.

Drunk on Your Colours by Crazyheart (71k words) - He has a strange gift that makes him see colours in certain people’s eyes, and the colours reflect who they are and how they feel.

***** WITCH/WARLOCK/WIZARD *****

Bewitched by i_once_wrote_a_dream (1.4k words) - “Isak, I’m Thor.” Isak wants to laugh. It’s laughable. Featuring cats

spend more time with you by hippopotamus (2.1k words) - Isak accidentally freezes time trying to prove even wrong about his ability to reverse it.

Fear by bri_ness (2.2k words) - Even knows he's a witch. He believes he's a villain. The two are unrelated. Then, he meets Isak.

The Sun and The Stars by i_once_wrote_a_dream (4k words) - “Be warned, Valtersen. You have fucked with the wrong coven. I will end you.”

Nattmara by wyoheartsmusic (4.9k words) - The Prince of Næsheim has reached the end of a dangerous quest where he finds the Witch of Nattmara's Forest

I place the sky within your eyes by LaStrega (6.6k words) - How Even met a boy who could spin galaxies from his fingertips and how Isak learned that not only magical beings can turn your world upside down

you, my lightning in the soil by colazitron (7.9k words) - When Even meets a strange boy at his herb patch, he doesn't expect him to be Isak Valtersen, "the most powerful warlock in generations".

you're the glitter in the dark by piccadilly (10k words) - Five times Isak almost revealed his magic, and the one time Even revealed his.

it's mostly butterflies by hippopotamus (11k words) - Isak says to Even "There’s no place for magic, it’s dangerous and unnecessary.” He doesn't know Even is a witch.

familiar by hippopotamus (16k words) - WIP. Last updated Sept 2019. isak is the grumpy wizard with a pet dragon and even is the prince that needs his assistance

***** OTHER MAGICAL STUFF *****

Chapter 10 of In This Universe by barepink (2.1k words) - In this universe Even’s definition of peace is being with Isak.

Email from Somewhere by wyoheartsmusic (2.4k words) - Isak gets an email from no one.

magic and electricity by everythingislove (orphan_account) (4.6k words) - Isak runs an apothecary, and Even is his handsome new customer.

The Necromancer by vorfm95 (5.6k words) - 'He would see him once again. It had taken him almost a whole year but he finally would see him again.'

Isak is a hermit until Even happens by cloudowl (5.7k words) - Isak lives in a cot in the middle of nowhere. He makes potions, cares for the plants and animals of the forest and makes the best brew there is in the land.

hanging on the memory by puddingandpie (5.9k words) - Even is the current object of Isak’s current affections. Of fucking course he would be the one to find Isak wearing fucking moss in the middle of the forest.

look up to the skies and see by traumatic (6k words) - On the run from his past, Even moves to a place no one would think to look for him—a small town in New Jersey with a dark and magical past.

Oggi il paradiso costa la metà by Stria (Asia117) (6.5k words) - Isak spends his summer hols in southern Italy, where Noora lives. Magic ensues.

Not the End by nofeartina (16k words) - Parallel universe AU where Isak and Even find each other over and over again.

it comes in waves by moonlitbird (33k words) - (7/8 chapters posted) In a town that no one can place on a map, and in waters full of magic and creatures mostly forgotten, a boy and a mermaid meet.

Dragon verse by  Laika_the_husband (SERIES, 2 FICS) - Isak is a fairy tale prince. Even is a dragon. Loads of smut.

Don't leave me (alone) by Crazyheart (106k words) - Slightly magical AU where Even never transferred to Hartvig Nissen, but Even and Isak meet as adults. They have some strange sensations when they meet, like they have known each other in another life.

#evak fic rec #skam fic rec #magic #magical au

[skriaki]

TOP 10 NINTENDO SWITCH GAMES 2019 - my arbitrary list!

Sometimes it's good to be proven wrong. I was pretty sceptical when the Switch was first announced, as it didn't seem too different from the Wii U's gamepad. Then I spent two years watching Nintendo enjoy a complete reversal of fortune, to the point of potentially amassing a more compelling library than Sony's or Microsoft's consoles. So that's how I quite suddenly found myself buying a Switch in October 2019, after having resisted the PS4 and Xbone for five whole years, and my free time has since been dominated by this little machine that defied the odds.

Some of Nintendo's business decisions can still seem inexplicable, but releasing a powerful handheld console that can also be docked with a TV at a moment's notice has proved to be an inspired idea, rather than the gimmick the Wii U's gamepad mostly turned out to be. And along with Nintendo's dependable series of top-notch exclusives, the Switch has enjoyed much better third-party support, which is how I ended up buying Dark Souls for the fourth bloody time just because the option to play it portably was too tempting to resist.

The Switch is the first console I've bought since the PS3 and for all Nintendo's quirks, there's a reason the Switch has dominated Christmas wishlists for three years running. Games like Super Mario Odyssey feel like full-size adventures that just happen to have a portable option, as opposed to handheld games you can also play on the big screen. This is the first year in a long while that I've actually played enough topical titles to justify a "games of the year" list, even if my recent Nintendo bias is pretty blatant.

So with that caveat in mind, and in no particular order, here's my entirely subjective list of the best Nintendo Switch games of 2019.

Luigi's Mansion 3

This is a franchise I'd always been curious about and can finally have an opinion on. The process of going from floor to floor of the hotel hoovering up ghosts and solving puzzles is pretty straightforward, but Luigi's Mansion 3 has so much polish and personality crammed into the cartridge. Luigi is immediately lovable as a determined coward, and each level has a wildly different theme that's realised with extravagant audio and visual flair, so progress always feels rewarding. Though this isn't true horror by any means, there can be an unsettling atmosphere and some of the bosses are pretty freaky. I officially love this oddball franchise and am desperate for a chance to play the story again in co-op. Unquestionably a first-class exclusive.

Doom (Switch port)

Not to be confused with the impressive Switch version of Doom 2016, this is the iconic Doom made cheap and accessible. While purists may take issue with some minor technical deviations, this is the first time I've got most of the way through Doom because the portability and *glorious* true dual-stick control makes this easily my favourite version. There's even a cheat menu for when I just want to mindlessly punch hell beasts. The main thing that ages Doom is its maze-like structure, but playing it casually experience alleviates that frustration somewhat. At a grand total of four pounds, this is a BFB (big fucking bargain).

Untitled Goose Game

You know a game is good when the only asterisk I put on my recommendation is that it *may* be overpriced. Untitled Goose Game took the internet by storm this year because it's the quintessential indie game: cute, simple and with anti-authoritarian undertones. As a horrible goose, it's your mission to cause havoc in an unsuspecting English village, interacting with people and objects to cause chain reactions of chaos. Some of the puzzle solutions are maybe a bit obscure, but 90% of the time just messing around with everything in the area will lead to a solution. Untitled Goose Game makes up for its brevity with sheer comedic charm, feeling much better-designed than a "lul so random" affair like Goat Simulator. A honking good time.

Terraria (Switch port)

I have spent literally hundreds of hours on the PC version of Terraria, so when I was broke after buying my Switch the new Terraria port was an obvious cost-effective choice. While the controls aren't as precise, the amount of time spent mining and sorting through loot makes this a great handheld experience. I can't comment on the multiplayer options but few games represent such a sheer value for money, as there's always a new cave to explore or a new boss to overcome. Time has been kind to this 2011 classic, grind notwithstanding.

Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair

While I personally enjoyed the original Yooka-Laylee, it was definitely flawed and I never seriously expected to see a sequel. But Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair launched quite abruptly and did a pretty spectacular job of upstaging its predecessor. All the previous game's half-baked feel has been replaced with clever design touches, like the equippable tonics which grant helpful abilities at the cost of a currency penalty. The titular Lair is actually the final level and available to throw yourself at right from the beginning, but beating it without first obtaining more hitpoints by completing other stages is incredibly hard, which is a great way to incentivize progress without denying more confident players the option of beating the game earlier if they can meet the challenge. Impossible Lair might be this year's biggest surprise, and despite a modest budget I think it's worthy of comparison to excellent 2D platformers like Rayman Legends. Just don't expect to defeat Capital B on your first attempt.

A Hat In Time (Switch port)

I recently reviewed A Hat In Time but at the risk of repeating myself, it's one of the most charming games of the last few years and an incredibly impressive crowdfunded achievement. Mario's offerings may be a grander technical feat, but A Hat In Time is a fast and fabulous journey through a series of weird and wonderful worlds that all feel distinct in content and tone. It's very openly inspired by GameCube-era platformers like Mario Sunshine and Psychonauts and it easily scratches that itch. Simply one of the best original platformers of this generation, and I defy you not to love Hat Kid's cheeky antics.

Spyro Reignited Trilogy (Switch port)

As someone who thinks the original Spyro trilogy holds up better than most early 3D games, I'd have actually preferred a simple port rather than a full remake, but The Reignited Trilogy is honestly impeccable. The updated visuals are gorgeous while maintaining the general style of those old, jaggy models, and very little of the gameplay or content has changed except for sensible updates like the ability to immediately warp between every level you've visited. Having full dual-analogue control is also an absolute godsend even for a PS1 veteran like me. Though Spyro may seem a bit basic these days when faced with modern platformer marvels, the Reignited Trilogy makes these old favourites accessible again at a generous price point.

Ring Fit Adventure

Yes, I have a Wii kicking around in a box somewhere. No, Wii Fit never held my attention as anything more than a curiosity. Ring Fit Adventure, meanwhile, is limited only by my cholesterol-encrusted heart and dislike of excessive showering. This is an honest-to-goodness attempt at making an RPG out of a workout toy, and the amount of polish put into the game's presentation and hardware implementation is pretty remarkable. Levels involve jogging on the spot and squeezing the ring accessory to collect goodies and overcome obstacles, and periodically you'll engage in turn-based combat where you use a custom selection of exercise moves to deal damage. It's a fantastic idea pulled off much more elegantly than it sounds. The ring accessory unfortunately makes this quite an expensive game, so it'll take a lot of regular use to get your money's worth, but I can honestly (and surprisingly) say that exercise suddenly becomes more compelling when it's presented as a light RPG adventure with anthropomorphic gym equipment encouraging you to take breaks and drink plenty of water.

Pokémon Sword/Shield

Disclaimer: I can only give my impressions from 25 hours of playing Pokémon Shield, so this is DEFINITELY not a full review. That being said, this is still an easy recommendation to existing Pokemaniacs and a good starting point for any new acolytes. While the core formula hasn't evolved (har har) much since the very first Pokemon, Sword and Shield still has a number of modern quality of life improvements that make previous generations show their age. I've had so much fun building a core crew of cute and/or badass 'mons in a weird Nintendo version of Britain, and the online features combine with a VASTLY improved random encounter system to make grinding far less of a concern. The wild area takes some getting used to, but it's satisfying to come back and capture the huge Onyx you had to run away from a few hours before. Even if Pokémon Sword/Shield has some technical blemishes and could have pushed the series further in some regards, it's still easy to see why this franchise has maintained such a beloved status for so long.

Red Faction: Guerrilla Re-mars-tered (Switch port)

Along with Dark Souls, Red Faction was a game I never even knew I needed on the go, but now I've got it I can't imagine ever going back. A cult classic due to its amazing destruction physics, Red Faction sees you leading a proletariat revolution on Mars, literally tearing down corporate monuments to free the working class from systematic oppression. The open world is a bit claustrophobic and the shooting isn't exactly mind-blowing, but there's a reason I've beaten Red Faction every couple of years ever since its original 2009 release. The Switch port does the game justice and if you set the difficulty to easy then this is one of the best rage-venting experiences money can buy. So yes, I recommend getting your ass to Mars.

#gaming #nintendo #goty #2019 #switch #nintendo Switch #game review #review

[beckzorz]

Out of Nowhere (4/21)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/OFC Summary: An offhand comment at work draws Jesse Kaplan into the orbit of Bucky Barnes. Bucky’s excited at the prospect of normalcy, but there’s nothing normal about falling in love with the Winter Soldier. Words: 3016 A/N: The song for this chapter is “Brooklyn Boogie” by Louis Prima from Jumpin’ With The Big Swing Bands. We’ve got more interaction upcoming, prepare yourself... It might even be less awkward than before XD Hope you enjoy!

PART 4: “BROOKLYN BOOGIE”

    Today, 2:08 PM

itsadrian: guess what jesse.kaplan: What? itsadrian: i googled bucky barnes again jesse.kaplan: … no itsadrian: yes itsadrian: i couldn’t help myself lol itsadrian: i was surprised jesse.kaplan: I don’t want to know!!! jesse.kaplan: I’m serious!! itsadrian: ok ok! my lips are sealed itsadrian: … are you planning on seeing him again? jesse.kaplan: asdfhuihtlsbt jesse.kaplan: I have WORK TO DO itsadrian: lol ok ok

—

Adrian was from the internet. Jesse had never met her in person, but Adrian was the person she talked to most. Barely a day went by when they didn’t share some anecdote from their day, though it was rarely anything particularly groundbreaking. Meeting the Winter Soldier was probably the most interesting thing that had ever happened to either of them—Adrian was a receptionist for a contracting firm, and she had ample free time to message. Jesse worked quickly enough to sneak in a few chats during the day, and the timing usually worked out despite the hour difference.

Jesse hadn’t spoken of her encounters with Barnes with anyone else, and dealing with Adrian’s questions had been harrowing enough. Now wasn’t the time to be distracted—another project was coming up, and they needed flyers edited and printed, and…

And Jesse was only just focused enough to carry out the mundane edits, the mundane printing, the mundane going and gathering and envelope-stuffing.

It was really rather remarkable how much effort it took not to think about something. At the printer, she tried not to think about how she’d heard of Barnes’ first visit to Marilyn just here, juggling papers just as now. At her desk, it was about all the times he’d called her smart. On her way home, when she itched to pull out her phone to talk to someone, anyone about it, there was his terrible texting. She’d thought a guy who grew up in the typewriter era would use full words, but he’d adjusted to that aspect of modernity perfectly well.

Jesse sighed and stuffed her hands between her knees. What was the matter with her? No one warranted this much sustained thought, not even a superhero. If anything, that made it worse. Sure, she’d sighed over a famous person now and again, but she’d never actually met any of them. It was almost a given that they’d be a disappointment after any errant daydreams of perfect, charming strangers swooping in and… well. And.

Of course, Bucky Barnes was far from perfect. Awkward, uncomfortable, sometimes downright unsettling. The memory of that coldness that crept over him every so often made her shiver even in the heat of the subway. It was almost enough to make her forget his brief bursts of warmth.

But not quite.

Jesse clutched her purse to her side as she hurried up the stairs to street level, five blocks east, and up two flights of stairs to her apartment. She slipped out of her flats and leaned heavily against the door. Fran wasn’t home yet—he went to the gym after work most days—so she had the place to herself for at least another half-hour.

Plenty of time for a cold shower.

–

    XXX-XXX-XXXX     Today, 6:42 PM

XXX-XXX-XXXX: i have an idea XXX-XXX-XXXX: u free sat?

–

Jesse nearly dropped her towel when she checked her phone. She brushed her wet hair back to keep it from dripping on her screen and hastily responded in the affirmative. Then she flopped onto her bed, hair slick against her neck and heart racing.

So much for that cold shower.

–

Saturday was beautiful. Blue sky, fluffy clouds, not so much sun exposure that Jesse had to worry about sunburns or, god forbid, a tan. Bucky had suggested a cafe in Brooklyn Heights; Jesse had googled it yesterday, and it looked reasonable enough. Less than an hour to get there. She had no idea where Barnes lived—and she doubted he knew where she did either—but Brooklyn Heights was where Steve Rogers had grown up. It was Bucky Barnes’ home turf too, whether or not he lived there still.

Jesse got a small table along the wall and sat facing the room. Sitting with her back to a room always raised her hackles, and in this case, well, she was waiting for someone. She tapped her foot, anxious, not at all in time to the quiet music piped in from the ceiling. According to her phone, she was still a few minutes early.

The muted television was playing local news. How could a string of overnight break-ins be unconfirmed? Did they know what unconfirmed meant? Jesse ignored the television and checked her phone, then studied the other customers. The people sitting alone were all either using their phones or reading books. Some were probably doing both. Jesse studied the various groups—a couple here, a trio of laughing high schoolers there. Some senior citizens, some yoga moms.

Did she look alright? She tucked the stray hairs at her temples behind her ears for the hundredth time. She couldn’t do anything more, but that didn’t stop her worrying the inside of her lip. Well, she could adjust her posture. She sat up as straight as she could, then deflated. She didn’t want to look like a board.

The chime of the door was a relief, if only to distract her from her own busy mind. But behind the initial clump of college boys was Bucky Barnes, a cap low on his head and his arms stiff at his sides. His discomfort was palpable, and Jesse winced at his expression. He looked as uncomfortable as he’d first been on Thursday, before he’d relaxed into their first dance. He’d never really recovered—she considered their brief conversation in the hospital elevator the most relaxed he’d been with her yet—but he had calmed down.

She hoped he’d calm down here, too. She didn’t think she could handle the secondhand stress on top of actually listening to whatever he had to say.

Bucky spotted her and made a beeline for her table. She stood up hastily and smiled.

“Hey,” she said.

He hummed in response, sliding neatly into the chair across from her. Jesse sat back down. Apparently they hadn’t reached hugging status. Oh well.

She tucked her phone into her back pocket. “How are you?”

“Fine,” he said. “You?” He wasn’t looking at her. Not directly, at least.

Jesse got the feeling he was sussing out the room. She glanced around again, curiosity rekindled. Trying to see through his eyes was an exercise in creativity. “I’m fine,” she said, attention elsewhere. “Did you want to get something to drink?”

He paused, frowned.

“I can get it, if you want,” she offered, pity overcoming her spending budget.

“No,” he said. He stood abruptly, his chair scraping against the floor. “I can take care of myself.”

“Well, duh,” Jesse said, amusement tinging her annoyance into something bearable. “You don’t always have to, though. Waiting in line is boring.”

“So we can wait together.”

At that, Jesse smiled. “Good call.”

The line was short, and Bucky went unidentified—or at least, unapproached—as they put in their drink orders. He gave his name as James, not Bucky, which gave Jesse pause. Should she call him that, here in public? It didn’t seem necessary. She’d never even spoken his name aloud. Not that she could remember, anyway. She thought of him unnervingly often, sure, but they were worlds apart. Calling him Bucky? Saying the name aloud?

She wasn’t sure she could say it without betraying herself.

And she sure as hell wasn’t going to try today.

“So,” she said once they were back at a table. “You said you had an idea?”

“Yeah.” Bucky gripped his Americano—his hands dwarfed the small cup—and stared at her seriously. “I have an idea for your work.”

“Cool!” Jesse said. “You should talk to Marilyn once she’s better. Or I can connect you with—”

“I want to talk to you.”

Jesse blinked, touched. Touched and confused. “Okay, well, here I am. Talk away.”

“I liked teaching those kids,” he said. “They got over… it. Me. And they learned. They liked learning.”

“That’s great.” She grinned. He’d gotten that experience partly because of her. There was no harm in feeling smug about her contribution.

“Yeah, it was.” He took a steadying breath. “I want to do it again.”

“Ah?” Jesse blinked. That was good to hear, but why wasn’t he talking to Marilyn again? This all was her department, not Jesse’s. Jesse didn’t have a department.

“Could we do something like that with dancing?”

“Sure! There are loads of great teachers around. It’d be easy to find someone.”

“I already did,” Bucky said. His lips twitched now. He was amused by… her?

“Oh,” she said. Her cheeks flamed. “You meant actual we.”

“Yeah.”

Jesse scrambled to put together a coherent response. Her heart sang—Bucky wanted to do something with her!—but her brain screamed in terror. How could he think this was a good idea?! “I’ve never taught before. I wouldn’t know how to explain what I’m doing!”

“You’re smart, I bet you could figure it out.”

Did he always dismantle concerns so easily? She didn’t feel particularly smart at the moment. “I don’t like crowds,” she tried.

He rolled his eyes. “I managed.”

She cradled her iced mocha, staring down through the plastic lid at the milkiness below. Bucky had managed everything life had thrown at him. Almost dying, losing a limb, brainwashing, cryofreeze, more brainwashing, living as a fugitive… As uncomfortable as he behaved in aimless crowds, they were surely nothing next to all the horrors he’d had to deal with. And while he wasn’t at ease, he didn’t shy away from invitations. At least, not from her.

Jesse, meanwhile, had managed by avoiding all the things she feared and disliked. Unstructured crowds, leadership positions, deeply committed romance… She was fine, she was doing fine, but putting herself in the spotlight was high on her list of things to avoid.

She’d never been brave. She’d been smart. She’d been so smart that she’d never really learned how to screw up, and up to now she’d been too afraid to try.

Jesse snuck a glance at Bucky. He was staring at her over the rim of his cup as he drank. Was he daring her to say yes? Or just waiting for an answer?

What would happen if she said no? Disappointment, no doubt. Disgust, maybe. He might be so disappointed he’d leave her alone. That wouldn’t be so bad, would it? Maybe then she could get over her fixation and keep all that mental energy for her real life.

What would happen if she said yes?

BCEI would have to find a school willing to implement their program, and she and Bucky would have to lesson plan together. They would have to practice basic moves together, and then teach them to a crowd of adolescents. The prospect was frightening, but the possibility of working with him, dancing with him, spending time with him—

“I can talk to my boss on Monday,” she found herself saying.

A real smile lit up his face. It was the first time she’d ever seen him so genuinely pleased, and she couldn’t help but smile back. Gosh, his eyes really were that blue. The longer she looked at him, the less she wanted to look away.

“Great,” Bucky said. He knocked on the table with his prosthetic knuckles and lifted his cup towards her. “To something normal. For a change.”

Jesse giggled, delighted by his unusual candidness. “Amen to that!” She tapped her plastic cup against his ceramic mug and drank the last of her mocha.

If Bucky got a kick out of normalcy, well, he’d be thrilled with her. She smiled, teeth still holding onto her straw. She usually hated being called normal, but you know what? From Bucky Barnes, supersoldier, she’d take it.

–

A popular dance band from New Orleans was in town for a special dance event that night in Manhattan. Jesse hadn’t bothered mentioning it to Bucky, figuring she’d do better not to abuse his patience. She’d hopefully see him soon anyway, and this way she could wear one of her 40s dresses without feeling awkward about it. She pinned the front of her hair into swooping rolls and curled the rest into neat waves, then shimmied into her teal dress. She loved wearing it, and she was glad for the excuse. The nipped waist emphasized her figure, and the color made her skin glow; she felt like a vixen, or at least something approaching beautiful. Jesse tramped off to the subway with her oversized purse later than planned but grinning.

Today was a good day.

Once she arrived and paid, she found a corner to change her shoes and immediately spotted a dance friend on the sidelines. They wormed their way into a slot in the crowd, and Jesse’s spirit soared as she danced. Let other people talk up yoga and meditation; this was unfiltered joy right here.

After her first dance, Jesse made a beeline for Mike, who’d been dancing near her.

“Wanna dance?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Mike said, though his smile was dimmer than usual.

They started the new song, which was slow enough to allow for some conversation.

“Your friend is here,” Mike said.

Jesse blinked up at him, confused. “Who?”

“You know.” Mike jerked her head to the left, towards the back edge of the room. Jesse followed his gaze. Her heart skipped a beat.

Bucky was here!

Wait, did Mike think they were friends?

Were they friends? Jesse considered the possibility, but no. They knew too little of each other. They’d never spent time together socially, apart from the Stark Benefit. And their coffee this morning didn’t count. That was for work, not the pleasure of each other’s company. They’d danced together, sure, but a few dances, however memorable, were no basis for a friendship.

Well, if they weren’t friends, they were friendly. She didn’t bother correcting Mike. She’d rather dance than argue semantics. Besides, Bucky probably wouldn’t appreciate being spoken about. Did supersoldiers have super hearing? Jesse glanced in Bucky’s direction, but the crowd had shifted and she couldn’t make him out. Whether he did or not, she’d rather keep quiet. Her relationship with Bucky, whatever it was, wasn’t Mike’s business. And there was certainly no harm in keeping her secret pleasure at his assumption to herself. If someone from a distance fancied they were friends, maybe one day it would be possible.

The dance with Mike was as invigorating as usual. When the dance turned her in the right direction, Jesse couldn’t help looking across the room in the off-chance she’d be able to make out Bucky in the crowd. She turned back to face Mike after one search and found him studying her with a frown.

“What’s up?” she asked.

Mike shook his head and averted his gaze. “Nothing.” He drew her in for a spin. “Just thinking.”

“Happens to the best of us.” Jesse didn’t expect a response to her snark, but Mike surprised her.

“Is he worth the stress?”

“Huh?”

Mike was making zero sense tonight. Jesse stared up at him, but from closed position she couldn’t see past his chin.

“Him. You know. Bad stuff happens around people like that.”

Understanding dawned at last. Mike was worried about her.

“Nothing’s happened so far, just some dancing,” Jesse told him. “I think that’s pretty normal.”

“It’s not normal for someone like that to come dancing,” Mike said darkly.

“Well, maybe it should be,” Jesse retorted. “Why shouldn’t he have some fun for a change?”

Mike sighed. “Sorry, sorry. Just—sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Jesse said automatically. The song ended there, and Mike stepped back from her quickly. He didn’t meet her eye. “It’s okay, Mike. I appreciate the concern, but it’s fine. Really.”

Mike smiled absently. “Here’s hoping.” He clapped her on the shoulder and strode away.

Jesse’s stomach twisted unpleasantly and her blood pounded in her ears. She abandoned the dance floor, too disturbed by Mike’s insinuations to seek Bucky out just yet.

What right did Mike have to say Bucky shouldn’t go dancing? After all Bucky had been through, he deserved as many chances at a good time as the rest of them. More so, even. Jesse hadn’t fought in the army, American or otherwise. She hadn’t helped dismantle any evil organizations either. Bucky had earned his good time, thank you very much.

Jesse pulled her water bottle out of her purse and drank, still facing away from the crowd. She knew how to avoid being asked to dance. Right now, she had no desire to force a smile. She wished she could go back, get Mike, and tell him how wrong he was, how unjust!

But confrontation was so not her style that the very thought deflated her. Her shoulders slumped. She collapsed into one of the chairs along the side of the room, holding her water bottle between her knees. Mike was allowed to express his concerns, and they weren’t entirely invalid. Crazy shit did happen around people like Bucky. The alien invasion had started at Avengers Tower. Sokovia, the bombing at the Accords… Mike wasn’t wrong.

But apart from the Stark benefit, all the places she’d met Bucky were off the usual radar for strange events. A coffee shop, dance halls, a hospital. Everyday normal places. If everyday normal places were suspect now, what even was the point? Life had to go on.

Someone sat next to her, and Jesse glanced over. Bucky tilted his head in her direction. His hair was tucked behind his ear, and his dress shirt sleeves were rolled up over a long-sleeved undershirt, hiding his arms. Though he wasn’t smiling, he wasn’t uncomfortable. He held out his metal hand to her without a word.

Jesse looked up at his face. Bucky was looking out at the crowd with little of the reservation he’d worn on Thursday. Somehow, he’d gotten over his discomfort.

She took his hand and let him lead her onto the floor.

Life had to go on.

For all of them.

#bucky barnes x ofc #bucky barnes fic #bucky x ofc #winter soldier x ofc #winter soldier fic #the not for profit fic #becca writes #fictive february

[dreamss-of-boston]

Rise - ch9

link on AO3!

Sonya Romanova of the Underground is brought to the surface on the condition that she join and serve the Survey Corps. As she comes to grips with what the surface world is actually like compared to her dreamy fantasies, she finds herself becoming more and more enamored with the stoic Captain Levi.

hello! i tried to get this chapter up by the end of february but i suppose the beginning of march will do. studying abroad has been challenging but it has definitely inspired me to write more! france is so beautiful, je l'adore. there isn't much plot in this chapter, but things so get pretty spicy hehe. i hope u enjoy, thank u for reading love u bye!

- the game -

Sonya’s head was spinning.

She was still breathless from her interaction with Levi, when he had kissed and embraced her, making her feel like the lightest feather in the world - she almost couldn’t believe that it had happened. Her skin burned where he had touched it, her entire being hungry for more of him. But, presented with the opportunity to meet a member of her blood family - her libido had to take a backseat. That, coupled with the fact that her potential family member was standing before her in the flesh, potentially holding the answers to a million of her questions, was enough to send her into a sort of spiral.

She wanted to cry - and she did, a little. Her eyes began to water the longer she stared at Dimitri, and her stomach was in knots because she didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t speak properly, anyway. Her heart soared as Dimitri surveyed her up and down, seeming to scout out her features to see if they matched his enough for her to be considered a relative.

“I must say, you’re probably the prettiest out of father’s bastards,” Dimitri continued, placing his hands in his pockets. He was the picture of relaxation. “But I’m his prettiest legitimate child.” He chuckled to himself.

Sonya’s stomach dropped-- bastard.

“What?” She said quietly, almost so quiet that Dimitri didn’t hear.

“So, where did you come from? Wall Maria? Trost?” Suddenly, Dimitri didn’t seem so amused when he hooked his gaze with hers. “Eh, it doesn’t matter - it’s almost ridiculous, how many Romanova’s are roaming about in these walls.”

Sonya didn’t understand; or perhaps she didn’t want to. Her feet felt heavy as lead, gluing her to the spot. Her eyes drooped to the ground, staring only at Dimitri’s shoes-- the same as hers, military-issued. Black.

Dimitri took a step closer, his whole body tense. “This isn’t the first time I’ve had to shut someone up. The name you have -

name - was stolen from my family. You stole it, or your mother or aunt, whoever the hell raised you. I don’t care. The point is, no matter how much you insist, you will never get paid for something you’re not entitled to.” He spat on the ground in front of her, causing Sonya to wince. “Don’t come looking for me or my father. I won’t allow you to disrespect my mother’s memory with your existence.”

And when Sonya looked up, Dimitri was walking away - back to his horse, back to his home in the Garrison regiment. She was watching the place where he stood long after he was gone, her whole body feeling like a sort of husk. Bastard - she had heard the word tossed around.

Herschel was a bastard. She remembered the raven-haired woman telling her the story of when she first met her father, how he had spat at the ground she walked on, demanding her to leave him alone and to never speak of their relation again. Despite the fact that she looked so much like him, it had to be a fact that she had no relation to him. Apparently, he was a man of some wealth and prominence up top, and when Herschel had met him for the first time at seven years old, he was only on a visit to the Underground, paying Herschel’s mother to quit using his name as an attachment to her daughter.

Sonya’s legs seemed to fail her as she crumbled to the ground, staring at the dirt made of little rocks beneath her as the realization dawned on her. Her name - Romanova, the one her mother insisted she always use in all of her introductions, was nothing more than a bill that needed to be paid. Her mother stole the name of her father, spread it around Underground - a big sign painted on Sonya’s features, that she was a debt to be paid by a man named Romanova. A name of importance would be paid off quickly so as to avoid any rumors to be spread too quickly; the men would return to the whores they had bedded some years ago, and buy their names back from their bastards.

It was a sort of justice. The rich man got the whore pregnant, and if he didn’t want his reputation smeared, he would pay the price.

A tear rolled down Sonya’s cheek; then another, and another. She covered her mouth as sobs began to rack her body, her frame trembling pitifully. She had known about this tradition her whole life; she had seen other girls get paid off, heard their names disappear from introductions and conversations. But Sonya had begun to have a romantic notion that her father didn’t pay her off because he wanted her to keep it - the name Romanova, as a sort of compass to find him later.

Dimitri made it clear that that wasn’t the case. Eyes screwed shut, she didn’t hear the approaching footsteps behind her. She didn’t see Levi crouch down in front of her, until she felt his hand on her shoulder, a gentle squeeze to bring her back to earth.

Sonya looked up at him, her eyes red and face flushed. How embarrassing, how pitiful she was. She didn’t want him to see her like this - she didn’t want anyone to know that she was now both a bastard and a whore. She didn’t want to meet his gaze, but she was compelled to. As green met gray, there was only compassion shared between the two.

Nothing scrutinizing, nothing uncomfortable. Only a strange understanding, an empathetic pull towards each other.

Levi’s hand rested on the back of Sonya’s head as he pulled her into him, wrapping his arms wordlessly around her as she did the same to him, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. She buried her face in his shirt, relishing the feeling of the world melting away as her senses were overtaken by Levi. And it was enough.

[-]

Days passed - of preparation, training, and the like. The first expedition to capture a titan was looming near, and Sonya was as troubled as ever. When she looked at the world around her, she no longer saw beauty in a pure, romantic sense. She saw that things were beautiful, such as flowers and the colors of the sky - but all meaning behind beauty seemed to fade away. Her romantic notions of the surface world seemed silly now. She thought about Anna every day, though less frequently, which filled Sonya with guilt. The fact that life would happen with or without Anna was a grave reminder that the same would be true for her. For Peter, Mabel, Ada - for Levi. She had come to the conclusion that people were people, under or above ground, and grief and sorrow spared no one.

Levi had hardly spoken to her since that night. They would pass each other in the halls, Sonya would perk up and attempt to get his attention, but he would pass her by, unaffected by her gaze and disinterested in holding a conversation. She couldn’t understand why; honestly, she didn’t want to think about anything, to analyze anything. All she could think about were his lips, his mouth, his hands roaming over her body.

Her skin burned and tingled every time she thought about their encounter in his office. She knew that she was just feeling aroused, just like the men that had stumbled into her home to bed her compatriots Underground, but the knot in her stomach wouldn’t go away, and she wasn’t sure how to approach him in order to get that solved.

Sonya knew the steps - she knew the risks, which places to touch when, and everything in between. But usually, it was the customer who initiated everything, and Sonya was now a bit intimidated by Levi since she now knew what his touch could do to her.

When they would pass each other in the halls or in the dining area, she would sit up straighter, attempt to present herself as more attractive, just in case he was looking. But she never caught him staring. He was acting as if nothing had ever happened. Once again, he had hurt Sonya.

She itched for the burn of alcohol, for the warm ignorance it provided her with. As she sat with her group of friends in the dining hall during dinner, it was all she would think about. Perhaps if she could get recklessly drunk for just one night, it would be a hard reset on her emotional turmoil and she could clear her head a bit before the dangerous expedition.

“I’m slowly dying,” Peter said one day after rigorous training, flopping down in front of his stew dinner.

“Me, too.” Mabel sighed. “I feel like I’ve barely seen you guys.”

“Well, this mission is really important.” Ada chimed in with a reassuring smile.

“You’re just in a good mood ‘cause Captain Shorty gave you the time of day today.” Mabel said bitterly, taking a big bite of her bread.

Ada turned a bright red, to which Peter chuckled. “Well-- getting praised by any superior officer is a good thing, not just from him!”

“Let’s do something tonight.” Sonya said, looking up to her friends from absent-mindedly stirring her soup. Mabel looked surprised that Sonya had spoken up; the girl had been unusually quiet lately.

“What did you have in mind?” Peter asked with a sly smile - though from his days training with Sonya, he already had a pretty good idea of what Sonya might suggest.

“We smuggle in some wine,” Sonya grinned, “and we play some poker in the dining hall after everyone’s gone to bed.”

Ada’s eyes widened, and she leaned in with a stern expression. “Sonya, we aren’t allowed to drink in HQ-- much less gamble!” She hissed. A little further down the table, Alfonse’s ears perked up, and he glanced over to their group curiously. Ada tensed, and frankly so did everybody else; Alfonse was a notorious snitch. Ada lowered her voice even more. “That’s such a stupid idea.”

“Yeah, Sonya, that’s really dumb,” Mabel added, shooting a glare to Alfonse, who looked away hurriedly. “Why would you suggest wine and poker when wine and

poker is far more superior?”

Sonya, Mabel, and Peter were all grinning from ear to ear, while Ada sat, wringing her hands in worry.

[-]

“Full house.” Peter said smugly, laying his cards down on the table.

“Fuck you.” Mabel took another swig of wine - Sonya’s head fell into her hands as the bottle was passed around, and everyone obediently took a swig. Whenever someone won a round, everyone else had to take a drink and remove a piece of clothing. So far, they had gone through a bottle and a half, and everyone except Peter was getting dangerously close to sitting in nothing but their underwear.

“I never should’ve taught you how to count cards,” Sonya’s mind was starting to become foggy, and while she was pissed that she was losing, she relished the warm tingling sensation the wine was providing her. She bitterly removed her socks, throwing them in Peter’s face. He smacked them away with his hand, his grin never leaving his face.

He jerked his chin over to Ada. “Come on, Ada, you gotta take something off - them’s the rules.”

Ada shot him a glare, and with a huff, she removed her outer shirt, suddenly very exposed in her little tank top. “It’s so cold!” She complained.

“Drink more; you’ll warm up.” Mabel advised, having no choice but to remove her pants since she didn’t want to remove her shirt.

And round after round, they played. Sonya won a few hands, and watched in triumph as Peter was forced to become just as exposed as them. Eventually, though, it was Sonya who was losing painfully - and soon, she was very tipsy and sitting in nothing but her underwear. Mabel still had her undershirt on, but Ada was in the same boat as Sonya. Peter still had his pants on, and that was it - four bottles of wine sat finished on the table, and the candle illuminating their little corner in the empty dining hall was almost burnt out.

Sonya stood with some difficulty, pushing her frizzy hair out of her face. “I believe our night… has come to an end.”

“Wooooo,” Mabel cried softly, lifting her hands up in happiness.

“I feel,” Ada mumbled, rubbing her eyes, “I feel like my eyes… weigh a lot.”

“You gotta go to bed, honey.” Peter laughed, his cheeks rosy.

“Ah, I needed this.” Sonya smiled stupidly, her hands cupping her cheeks happily. She didn’t care that she was standing in nothing but her bra and underwear, her clothes littered on the floor with her comrades’. Her belly was warm, her head fuzzy and cloudy enough to block out the worries that her sober self dealt with.

The door to the dining hall slammed open with a loud bang, almost startling the group into sobriety. Sonya turned, leaning against the table behind her for support, to see Alfonse striding into the dining hall with none other than Hange and Levi following right behind him. He looked triumphant as the three of them came upon the scene, and he stood with his hands on his hips while Levi and Hange took in the sight before them.

“I told you!” Alfonse said. “I heard them planning it during dinner.”

Sonya’s entire body was covered in a deep blush - she could only imagine what Ada looked like, being discovered by superior officers in the state she was in. Mabel scowled at Alfonse.

“You little snitch.” She spat.

Sonya’s gaze was locked with Levi’s almost instantly, her heart skipping several beats when he very obviously looked her up and down. Looking at him, remembering what they had done days ago, lit a fire within Sonya and only made her itch for him more - right now, being as exposed as she was under his gaze, she felt like they were the only two people in the whole world.

Hange, meanwhile, had taken a moment to take everything in, and then burst into hysterics, laughing loud enough to wake up the whole city.

“You all look so funny! You should’ve seen your faces when we came in!” She almost doubled over, she was laughing so hard. “Ahh, Alfonse, thank you for this. I really needed a good laugh.” Hange gave Alfonse’s back a hearty smack.

Alfonse stumbled, looking as confused as ever. “But - aren’t you gonna punish them?”

“Oh, absolutely! This was reckless and stupid, especially considering we have such an important expedition coming up.” Hange put her hands on her hips, and tried to contain her laughter once more. “But I can’t really punish them when they are oh, so, helpless!”

Peter had stumbled into his shoes, dismayed to find out he had put them on the wrong feet. Mabel was in the process of putting at least her shirt back on, but abandoned that in order to help poor Ada; she couldn’t find the sleeves to her shirt.

Sonya, meanwhile, was quite comfortable where she was. Her standing there, completely for Levi’s visual consumption, was how she was gaining the upper hand. He wanted to pretend their night together never happened; fine! Might as well make some new memories he couldn’t forget so easily. Without thinking too much - she was really only doing what she felt like, no matter how ridiculous - she winked at him, running her tongue along her top lip in an annoyingly over-the-top seductive way.

Nobody else caught that little exchange; Levi did, though. His expression darkened in the most delicious way, sending chills up Sonya’s spine.

“Let’s get them to their rooms.” Levi muttered, finally turning away and breaking the contact that Sonya had established. She pouted, and gathered her clothes in her arms, not at all embarrassed to be roaming HQ in her underwear where anybody could see her. What lovely things alcohol can do to a person!

On the walk back to their rooms, Levi stayed firmly ahead of the pack, having dismissed Alfonse to go to sleep long ago. Sonya just followed at a languid pace, hoping Levi was aware that she was fully checking him out in his sort-of out of uniform state.

He still had on his white button down, but the sleeves were rolled up, and the shirt was much more wrinkled from the affairs of the day. The harness of ODM gear was still strapped on his legs and across his chest, and Sonya’s thoughts wandered to how much she wanted to grab hold of it and -

“Uh oh.” Mabel said, and rushed to a window, pushing it open as she retched into the bushes. Hange hurried over to her, pulling her hair out of her face.

“I got this, go tuck the others into bed.” Hange assured Levi, who looked supremely disgusted at what was happening.

First it was Peter who got dropped off, then Ada, and finally Sonya. Levi stopped in front of her door, opened it, and stood back with arms folded, avoiding her gaze. With a sly grin, Sonya leaned against the frame of the door, not intimidated by him anymore.

“I don’t think I can get into bed safely, Captain.” She sighed, clutching her bundle of clothes tighter. “Would you help me?”

Levi glared at her, and bitterly grabbed her by the arm. Still, he was gentle as he brought her to her bed, helping her sit down. He even took her clothes and tossed them in the little hamper by the door. He seemed to be very eager to leave; he was uncharacteristically jittery. Sonya wanted him to stay.

She reached out, grabbing his shirt sleeve, which stopped him cold. “If you’re disgusted by me,” she slurred, “I’ll be heartbroken. But I just need to know for sure.”

Levi turned, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Sonya was a little irritated at that - what the hell did he have to be confused about?! He was the one sending mixed signals.

With a sigh, he sat down next to Sonya. “I’m not. Never have been.” He said, and didn’t flinch away when she started to run her fingers along the soft hairs of his undercut. It brought a dumb smile to her face, how he allowed her to touch him like that. Against his better judgment, Levi’s hand reached out, cupping her warm face as his thumb ghosted over her lips. She parted them just slightly in response, becoming aware all over again just how receptive she was to his touch.

Before he had the chance to do something rational, Sonya leaned forward and crashed her lips onto his in a sloppy kiss. Levi seemed to respond instinctively, pulling her closer and darting his tongue inside her mouth. Sonya bunched Levi’s shirt into her fist while his other hand roamed dangerously over the exposed skin of her torso. She leaned in to his every touch, absolutely on fire with desire. The cloud in her brain was electric now that she was being touched by Levi.

His fingers were dangerously close to her underwear, and to Sonya’s delight, they started to curl underneath the thin fabric, pulling it down ever so slightly. She sighed into his mouth, and shifted her hips so that she could make a move to straddle him. Levi sensed that, and as much as it pained him, he used both his hands to anchor her to the bed. That only spurred Sonya more, and she smiled with excitement as she pulled away, locking eyes with him. Her own lust was reflected in his gray gaze, and she leaned in to his touch as his fingers ghosted over the hickey he had branded her with days before.

He leaned forward, kissing the spot again, and ran his tongue over the bruised skin sloppily. Moving up her neck, he kissed and sucked, while Sonya’s hand tangled in his hair. She had to bite her lip to keep from making any noise, but she couldn’t help whispering out a request.

“Bite me,” She breathed, and felt Levi tense under her. Oh, shit; did she freak him out? Just as she was about to pull away in shame, Levi only leaned into her more, and grazed his teeth over the pulse on her neck, gently at first. He bit down, then lavished the spot with his tongue, causing Sonya to arch into him, tugging his hair harder. Each movement was made with trepidation, with a knowledge that at any moment, they could be caught.

But as soon as it started, Levi ended it. He darted up from the bed, and Sonya even made an irritated noise of displeasure. He looked back at her, lips wet and eyes dark with the same desire she had, but in a moment, she understood why he had stopped.

Hange could be heard coming down the hall, and in an instant, she was in the room, aiding Mabel in getting in to bed.

“Whew! That poor girl is gonna be feeling this tomorrow.” Hange said, stepping back and wiping her brow as Mabel wrapped herself pitifully in her bed sheets. She fell asleep almost instantly, but Sonya’s heart was still racing, and her core was throbbing and on fire - she wanted to shove Hange and Mabel out of the room so that she could have Levi all to herself without any interruptions.

“We’ll see you two in the morning. Don’t worry, you’ll be reprimanded fairly!” Hange waved as she exited their room with Levi. “Goodnight!”

Before he closed the door, Levi glanced at Sonya. It looked like he was about to crawl onto the bed with her, privacy be damned; Sonya almost hoped he would.

Instead, he looked down, and quietly shut the door behind him. Sonya flopped onto her back in irritation, but in a few delirious breaths, she was asleep.

#levi fanfiction #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi #levi ackerman #levi snk #levi aot #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #levi x oc #levi x original character #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #attack on titan fanfiction

[learningcherryblossoms]

Lesson 37:  DEAF CULTURE

Thus there are two different kinds of deaf people in this world.  The deaf people (lower case "d" deaf) have a medical condition of a severe hearing disability but do not identify themselves as belonging to a separate cultural group.  Their culture is the same as that of the hearing people in their homes and the community.   The lower case "d" deaf almost always are brought up in the oral tradition and do not normally learn or use a sign language.

The upper case "D" deaf, on the other hand, strongly identify with other like-minded Deaf people and thus belong to a separate cultural group from those of the hearing members of their family and their community.  For Deaf people, their deafness is not a disability but simply as a physical characteristic that defines their identity much like someone's skin color or hair type may, in part, help determine one's cultural affiliation.  The use of a sign language is the most important characteristic of being Deaf.

We use the lowercase deaf when referring to the audiological condition of not hearing, and the uppercase Deaf when referring to a particular group of deaf people who share a language – American Sign Language (ASL) – and a culture.  The members of this group have inherited their sign language, use it as a primary means of communication among themselves, and hold a set of beliefs about themselves and their connection to the larger society.  We distinguish them from, for example, those who find themselves losing their hearing because of illness, trauma or age; although these people share the condition of not hearing, they do not have access to the knowledge, beliefs, and practices that make up the culture of Deaf people. (Padden, D. &   Humphries, T. (1988). Deaf in America: Voices from a Culture.  Cambridge, Ma: Harvard University Press.)

Deaf culture is a way of living built up by Deaf people and passed on from generation to generation.  In the hearing community, the cultural values and customs are typically transmitted from parents and other members of the family and the community to a child.  However, most deaf children are born to hearing parents who have no exposure to Deaf community and culture.  A Deaf child, therefore, derives his/her cultural values and customs, not from the hearing members of the family and the community, but from contact with the Deaf members.  Therefore, acculturation -- the process of adopting the cultural values and social patterns of a group different from the one the person is living in -- begins much later for a Deaf child when he/she begins to have regular and extended contact with other Deaf people.

Historically, Deaf culture has often been acquired within schools for the deaf and within Deaf social clubs, both of which unite deaf people into communities with which they can identify. Becoming Deaf culturally can occur at different times for different people, depending on the circumstances of one's life. A small proportion of deaf individuals acquire sign language and Deaf culture in infancy from Deaf parents, others acquire it through attendance at schools, and yet others may not be exposed to sign language and Deaf culture until college or a time after that.   (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deaf_culture)

A community of deaf people shares certain common values, perceive the world around them in a similar way, and have developed various customs, traditions, and institutions that identify them as a distinct social group.  They share a certain world view because of their shared experiences in schools, in their neighborhoods, and in their workplaces.    Interestingly, Deaf culture, in the U. S. belongs to those who are culturally Deaf (whether or not audiologically deaf) and who use ASL to communicate. There are some hearing people in the U.S. -- typically living near a school or college for the Deaf -- who interact extensively with Deaf people, are fluent in ASL, and have adopted the world view and the traits of the Deaf people.  These people are not deaf (do not have a hearing loss) but are accepted as members of the Deaf community.  They are, in other words, culturally Deaf but not audiologically deaf.  

Hearing children of deaf parents (children of deaf parents almost always have normal hearing) are often bicultural and bilingual.  They learn the sign language, such as the ASL, from their parents and they learn the spoken language of the community through exposure to neighbors, extended family, and through radio and television.  Similarly, they learn the values and traditions of the Deaf culture from their parents and the values and customs of the hearing community from the extended family and the community institutions such as the places of worship and schools.  A large number of competent interpreters for the Deaf (those who interpret signing to hearing people and spoken words to Deaf people) are the bicultural and bilingual hearing children of Deaf parents.

SOME FEATURES OF DEAF CULTURE

The use of the telecommunication device for the deaf (TDD or TTY) to talk on the phone.

The reliance on closed captioning of TV broadcasts and movies to enjoy these forms of entertainment.

The strong sense of belonging to the school for the Deaf they attended.   "Where are you from?,"  in the Deaf community, usually means "Which deaf school did you go to?"  In this sense, their ‘home' is not the home they were born in but their cultural home, which is usually the Deaf school.

Name sign -- all Deaf people give themselves a name sign (or more commonly, another member of the Deaf community gives one a name sign) so that people do not have fingerspell the name every time.

Deaf clubs -- Most large cities with a large enough Deaf community tend to have their own clubs and places of worship where they congregate and interact.

Calling attention -- turning on and off lights (if trying to get the attention of a room full of people) or tapping on arm or shoulder (if seeking the attention of an individual) is the "correct" form of calling attention. Clapping is not acceptable.

The use of assistive listening and other specialized devices (e.g. alarms).

Endogamous marriages (both spouses are Deaf) are very common, estimated at 90 percent among Deaf people.  In contrast, the rate of endogamous marriages is much less common in deaf people.

SOME DEAF INSTITUTIONS IN THE U.S.

The following are some selected institutions of the deaf (dates in parentheses are the dates of their establishment).  This shows that the Deaf community is vibrant with the range of activities, interests, and accomplishments similar to those of the hearing community.

SPORTS: The International Games for the Deaf (1924), often referred to as the Deaf Olympics; American Athletic Association of the Deaf (1947)

ASL LITERATURE: Oratory (formal speaking); Folklore (puns, games, jokes, storytelling, etc.); Digital literature (CD-ROM, etc.) flourishes even though ASL has no script.

ARTS: National Theatre of the Deaf (1966); Deaf Artists, Inc. (1985); Spectrum: Focus on Deaf Artists (1975); Videos.

ADVOCACY: World Federation of the Deaf (1951); National Association of the Deaf (1880).

RELIGIOUS: Episcopal Conference of the Deaf (1881); National Congress of Jewish Deaf (1956).  These two just examples.  Nearly all religious faiths and denominations have their own Deaf institutions.

PROFESSIONAL: American Professional Society of the Deaf (1966); National Fraternal Society of the Deaf (1901).

MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT DEAF PEOPLE

The hearing community is generally not well informed about Deaf people.  This has resulted in many misconceptions.  Some of them are listed below.

Deaf people can't hear anything.  Nearly all deaf people have some residual hearing and, with the help of hearing aids and assistive listening devices, they can hear many sounds.  However, their ability of understand speech through the sense of hearing alone may be limited.

All deaf people can read lips.  The speech reading ability (understanding speech through lip movements, linguistic context, and facial expressions) is, in part, a natural ability.  Some deaf people are naturally good speech readers while others, even with training, have only a fair ability.

Deaf people are very quiet.  Deaf people make a variety of vocal sounds when engaged in conversation and may even mouth words as they sign.

Deaf people can't talk.  Some deaf people talk as well as hearing people although most deaf people have difficulty with pronunciation to varying degrees.  The type and the severity of hearing loss and the amount of and the age at which the speech training was obtained only partly determine the speech outcome.  Some deaf people with very severe hearing loss are excellent speakers.

All deaf children have deaf parents.  In fact, as stated above, over 90 percent of deaf children have hearing parents.

Deaf children can't attend regular school.  Nowadays, most deaf children attend their neighborhood schools.

Hearing aids let deaf people hear speech.  Modern hearing aids are powerful enough for deaf people to "hear" speech.  However, most deaf people encounter great difficulty discriminating the various speech sounds sufficiently to understand what they hear.

All deaf people wish that they could hear.  In fact, most Deaf people (but not deaf people) would not want to "give up" their Deafness.  They continue to cherish their status as Deaf and view hearing aids or a cochlear implant as a crutch they have to use in order to interact with hearing people.

Deaf people are emotionally disturbed.  Deaf people are no more emotionally disturbed than their hearing peers.  Most deaf people are emotionally well adjusted.

All deaf people know sign language.  In fact, the majority of deaf people in U.S. know very little ASL or none at all.  Of course, all Deaf people in this country know ASL as this is the defining characteristic of being Deaf.

Deaf people can’t drive.  In the U.S., deafness is not a barrier to getting a driver's license.

Deaf people can’t adopt children.  In U.S., all deaf people (whether "deaf" or "Deaf") are allowed to adopt children.

#asl #deaf studies #deaf communication #studyblr #langblr #aslgrammar #aslnotes #aslgram

[studylustre]

(matcha latte anon🍵) hello carol!! first up, i wanna tell you that i love reading through your posts alot!! especially the soft boy™, it's so cute!!! >u

matcha latte (!!!) and the second time i met him (which was 2 weeks after), he remembered my order which was really nice and unexpected. also, i was with my friend that day, and i offered some yam chips (in a container) to another female collegue (since i am more used to seeing her, and also because i’m kinda shy to give him). he came to the table and gave back my container, and had a very small talk, in which he offered us drinks/ice cream but we declined. after my friend left, i continued studying and suddenly, he came to collect my cup which i was going to say thank you, but to my surprise, he placed another new cup of matchalatte for me!! i was shocked and didn’t know what to do so i just mouthed a thank you to him. at this point, my heart is already melting, considering this is the first time anyone has offered me a drink like this. we also said bye when he left. our third encounter: the next day, in which he came but i don’t think he had work. he sat at the chair in front of my table, but i was so HORRIBLY SHY that i didn’t look up that much. i have no idea if he was looking at me or not but it remained like this for about (more than) 5 minutes long?? after that, he went to stand near my table and said “no matcha latte today?” so i replied “yea mocha today” !!!! but we were interrupted by the female collegue who said “haha you talking to customer ah” *in chinese* but in like a jokingly manner. then i think the situation got shy and he said no in chinese once again and then we bid farewell :c. it was such good memories and i never met him after that, and i thought i never will. the only info i had about him was that he’s a year older than me. i think i’m a person who falls in love quite easily haha, so i couldn’t stop thinking about it for quite a while. fast forward to jun 14, i signed up for a school camp (i usually don’t go to camps) with 2 of my friends. it was a camp with 5 different schools. as time passed on during the first day,i couldn’t help but notice this guy felt familiar?? i kept noticing the way he talked, the way he walked, and it hinted me that it mIGHT be him ?? (i’m not very good at remembering faces, and also his hair is also wayyyy longer than before) during that night, i was talking to my friend about how i had a feeling that it was him, but i don’t know if i really want to know if it’s him (bc he seemed close to this girl, and my self-esteem is quite low :c). but i decided that i should just ask him. during the next day, i didn’t see him around often, but i couldn’t quite find the courage to ask him, and i don’t really want to do it infront of my friends. when the camp was nearing to an end, i almost thought i won’t ask him, but man i just went with it, go up to him and awkwardly goes like “wait, did u work in a cafe before?” he seemed hesistant so i thought i got the wrong guy, but NO! IT WAS REALLY HIM! aaaa but we got interrupted again, and one person asked if we were cousins LOL.we didn’t manage to talk alot, but found out we’re in the same school??? but he’s year 3 while i’m year 2. once again, i was really amazed to meet him again such circumstances, and that we were in the same school all along?? i thought i would meet him sometime soon,,, but turns out i was wrong.. i didn’t have any contact of him and once again, as time goes by, i didn’t think much about him again. fast forward early to end jul-early aug, i signed up for a japan uni talk (once again, not something i usually go for but somehow did). on that day, i was thinking about how long i’ve never met café guy but was happy cause i’m over it. but life decides to (idek what life is trying to do to me) bring him back into the picture again! i was waiting for my friend when i suddenly saw this familiar looking guy, i only saw him walking two steps (he’s blocked by a pillar) and i had a gut feeling that it might be him. but this time he was wearing glasses and his hair is short now. after seem peaking around here and there, it turns out it really was him??!?! at that point of time, i was very shy and awkward, it was hard for me to say hi or anything, i was just freaking out. to sum up that day, i basically didn’t manage to say hi to him (regrets :cc). but my friend, managed to find a mutual friend of both of us’s instagram. i went to follow him and found café’s guy instagram eventually!! to sum up, i eventually used my main account to follow him, in which he followed back ( that was like almost a 3 day process uwu). also, i dropped huge hints to lowkey scream *i’m the matcha latte i hope u remember me!!!* aaaa he dm-ed me and ask if im the matcha latte girl!!! we talked abit (not alot really) and (yesterday) he said he’s working but at another chain of the café (which is about 3 mins walking distance to the café i met him & usually go to). he asked what time i was leaving, and since i was meeting my friend, i said around late 5 to 6. he then said his break was only at 6plus, so i thought maybe i can wait a little longer to catch him (but i was a little afraid to meet him as well haha) i was going to pack my bag when he came!!! he immediately came to my table and talked to me!!! but my friend called me so i had to pick up, when it ended, he came back to my table again and we talked for about 20mins?? it was nice talking to him (some context: my mind usually goes blank when making conversations with people!!! >u

hi angel!! sorry for the late reply - i saw ur ask a little while ago but bc i didn’t have my laptop (it was off for repairs) i couldn’t reply :(( anyway, it sounds like ur both mutually interested in each other!! i think u should go for it. i mean, from what i can tell, it sounds like u kinda like this guy (u seem rly excited whenever u catch glimpses of him and idk i feel like he definitely made a big impression on u bc why else would u a) remember all your interactions b) get so excited about seeing him time and time again and c) bother to tell me all this, right? ✨) like it just seems like u both have interest in each other but are too shy to make a move. i think u should go for it bc u’ve already nearly lost him several times now - u only get so many chances and i feel like u might regret it if u don’t do anything and just let this opportunity slide… also i think u might be overthinking it - you may be different people, yes, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing?? also u guys don’t really know each other all that well yet so it’s really too soon to be worrying so much, just try to take the time to get to know each other better and then see how things go once u have a better grasp on who he is etc. u have nothing to lose from giving it a shot, especially since u already hope for it to work out, so why hold urself back and deprive urself of something that could potentially make u a really happy? everyone’s scared of things and it’s natural to be scared of something like this, but it would be a shame to let that fear hold u back from something that could be really great

#answered #matcha latte anon

[mr-michael-kyle]

A dark web cybercriminal who advertised hitmen for hire was so spooked by a request from a young Washington state woman—who wished her married lover’s wife dead—that he gave her up to the feds.

That’s according to an FBI search warrant affidavit unsealed this week, which details a surreal plot originating with a chance encounter at an event hosted by Landmark, a self-help group with roots in the 1970s, which has been labeled as a sort of “cult-lite” by some. The case centers on a philandering husband and his jealous lover, who planned on using her college money to have the man’s wife murdered.

Far from being disturbed by the revelation, when the man—identified in court filings solely as “J.M.”—found out about the plot against his wife, he “saw the behavior as an indication of her dedication and affection for him,” according to the affidavit.

The unsealed warrant—which The Daily Beast has redacted to withhold the suspect’s identify as she has not yet been formally charged—targets email addresses that the young lover used to register a Facebook account and talk with J.M., and contact financial institutions and a cashier at her community college. A source with firsthand knowledge of the case stated the investigation has been delayed as a result of COVID-19, however stated it’s still ongoing.

The alleged plot to have J.M.’s wife killed first came to the FBI’s attention on Feb. 12, 2020, when the bureau’s National Threat Operations Center obtained an anonymous tip from a ProtonMail account by way of an IP address associated with a VPN in Phoenix, Arizona. The tipster identified themselves as the administrator of a website on the dark web that provided contract killings for a price. About a week earlier, a potential customer transferred $5,000 in Bitcoin to the service to have a hit carried out within the Seattle area, the informant claimed.

“Just kill her ASAP. I don’t care how just make sure she’s dead. I’d prefer if you shoot her in the head,” the client instructed, before adding that the victim worked for a corporation in Bellevue. She added, “I don’t know if that helps you in someway. She has a 3 year old son that she picks him up at 5 P.M. so she normally will get home around 5ish. Please don’t do anything to the boy. That’s all. Thanks[.] Send me a proof when the job’s carried out.”

The tipster informed federal agents that their hitman website was actually only a Bitcoin rip-off, and that “no actual murders had been committed” on behalf of anybody.

“I feel that all targets which were paid for are in danger,” the con artist with a conscience wrote the FBI. “Customers that pay to kill somebody show that they’re serious about killing that particular person[.] I must be in contact with you and to give you the target info, payments proof, and other info to trace the customers. Customers don’t give their name or details and conceal their IP, however still could be tracked.”

The site administrator sent a photograph of the intended victim to agents, one of whom happened to recognize her as somebody she had met before, the affidavit states. The following day, the FBI met with J.M.’s wife and informed her that someone wanted her dead. It’s unclear how the FBI agent knew of J.M.’s wife previously.

When agents asked whether she knew of anybody who’d want her dead, J.M’s wife started to think about people from her past. There was a “snippy” and “aggressive” former colleague from Phoenix, with whom she’d had a “turbulent relationship” and last saw in January 2020, however she didn’t believe that particular person would ever try to hurt her.

A decade earlier, J.M.’s wife continued, her husband sued his boss over a sexual harassment claim. She informed agents she “felt that it was unlikely that J.M.’s former employer would solicit her murder,” the affidavit states, “but stated it was possible as a result of ‘life altering’ nature of the situation.” J.M. was entangled in another lawsuit in 2019, his wife added, when J.M. was sued by a company that accused him of quitting to start his own business, in violation of a non-compete clause.

Aside from that, there wasn’t much else—except for one unusual incident that occurred two days before Christmas 2019.

In an interaction captured on J.M. and his wife’s Ring doorbell camera, a young woman appeared on their doorstep and asked for J.M. by name. When J.M.’s wife stated he wasn’t home, the woman stated she was really there to see her and asked if she might come inside. The wife locked the deadbolt, and when J.M. joined the conversation remotely, the young woman walked away. J.M. informed his wife he didn’t know the woman, and his wife figured the woman must have gotten J.M.’s name from a package addressed to him that had been sitting outside.

The agents then asked J.M.’s wife about her relationship with her husband. She stated it had been “strained for the last few years,” describing the issue as a “loss of passion” which had turned their marriage from a romance into more of a friendship. The emotional distance between them started in 2018, following J.M.’s attendance at a Landmark conference. That year, J.M. asked for a divorce, an idea his wife said she rejected “for the sake of their son,” according to the affidavit. They started seeing a marriage counselor—online, because J.M. was too busy with work to do it in person. J.M.’s wife informed the agents she “had not had an extramarital affair and didn’t believe her husband had either.”

The FBI interviewed J.M. the same day. He claimed he couldn’t think of anybody who would want to kill his wife, the affidavit states.

“When describing his job, J.M. said that he has ‘great relationships with people at work,’ his clients ‘love’ him, he ‘just had a big win’ earlier in the day, and doesn’t believe he makes enemies,” the filing adds. “He said the ‘only major points of serious contention are that lawsuit against me and that thing out in Phoenix,’” referring to the old co-worker with whom his wife hadn’t gotten along.

Asked if he was having an affair, J.M. initially lied. He later admitted he met “somebody” at Landmark that “really liked” him. J.M. stated he took his first Landmark course in 2018, attended a second in 2019, and started a 3rd however dropped out at his wife’s request because it was keeping him away from home. His younger admirer was a college student, J.M. advised the agents, and stated they’d had a sexual relationship lasting “six months or so, a couple times, here and there,” the affidavit states.

“He claimed the romantic relationship ended in August 2019. J.M. stated he last saw [the young woman] in January of 2020, when she informed him she still loved him,” the document explains. J.M. stated he had helped the woman out with money a couple of times, including earlier that month, when he gave her $2,000 after she stated her parents lost their life savings in a burglary. However, she “gave him no indication of being a threat,” J.M. insisted.

On Valentine’s Day 2020, an FBI agent interviewed the college student. She stated the last time she saw J.M. was three weeks prior, when they traveled to Portland, Oregon, for an evening. J.M.’s secret girlfriend stated she was unaware at first that he was married, according to the affidavit. When she found out, J.M. told her that he “couldn’t stand his wife,” but that she had cancer and he couldn’t leave her.

But the younger woman told agents she unearthed pictures online of J.M. and his wife that appeared to contradict his story. After first denying she took steps to have J.M.’s wife murdered, the woman allegedly confessed to soliciting the hit. She then claimed she got nervous and tried to delete the transaction after submitting it, but was unable to do so.

“When asked if she [hoped] J.M. would come live with her as soon as his wife was killed, [the young woman said] ‘…yeah,’” the affidavit states.

Indeed, the younger woman told agents she tried to sabotage their marriage. Before showing up at J.M.’s home in December 2019, she created a fake Facebook account under the name “Katlyn Everson” and sent the wife messages saying J.M. was having an affair.

“I know it because I know the particular person he’s cheating on u with,” Katlyn wrote, according to the affidavit. “If u dont believe me, they’re gonna meet up today at the Kizuki Ramen restaurant in Olympia at 4:30 PM. You can prove it by yourself.”

But J.M.’s wife apparently never saw these messages.

The FBI returned to J.M. for more info in March 2020, since his initial statements didn’t add up. In his second interview, J.M. admitted that he had previously lied to agents when he denied recognizing the younger woman in the Ring footage; at the time, he didn’t want his wife to find out about his extramarital relationship.

J.M. informed investigators that he spoke to the girlfriend shortly after she visited his Bellevue residence unannounced, and asked why she did it. She told J.M. “she was there to kill [his wife] and that she brought a knife along with her as a way to accomplish the murder,” the affidavit states.

Soon after that interview, J.M.’s lover lawyered up and met with the FBI to discuss making a deal. For her part, the woman claimed she never meant to kill her lover’s wife and wasn’t armed during their encounter. She stated she only told J.M. this because she was upset.

She added that J.M. had previously “made comments about wanting to kill his wife and once asked [her] if she knew anybody” willing to do the job.

The woman told authorities that their affair, which started in the summer of 2018, “ebbed and flowed,” and that she’d dumped J.M. a number of times because she was annoyed by his refusal to leave his wife. She claimed J.M. informed her they couldn’t be together until his spouse “died or something happened,” the affidavit alleges.

Over the course of their relationship, she stated, J.M. had a litany of other excuses: the wife had cancer, he was afraid of losing custody of his child, his wife had threatened to kill herself in the past when he threatened her with divorce.

After the couple reunited in the fall of 2019, the college student made plans to end J.M.’s marriage by way of the murder-for-hire plot. She stated she’d used $2,000 that J.M. sent her through PayPal, as well as college scholarship cash to solicit the spouse’s execution.

The young woman stated she and J.M. went out to dinner following her unannounced appearance at his house in December 2019.

“J.M. asked why [she] went to his house, and [she] informed him that she went there to kill [his wife],” the affidavit states. “[She] said that she didn’t actually intend to kill [J.M.’s wife], and was not armed when she went to the house, but told J.M. this because she was upset. [The young woman] claimed that J.M. wasn’t angry but instead saw the conduct as a sign of her dedication and affection for him.”

In order to pursue the murder plot, the woman informed agents, she used an old cellphone she’d obtained from her pastor, then used it to download an application to access the dark web. According to the affidavit, the student surfed reviews of websites providing hitmen—whose services included beating, maiming, or killing victims, she stated—and requested price quotes before landing on the alleged Bitcoin scammer. She chose the Phoenix killer because their website “had an escrow system, giving her a sense of security that her funds wouldn’t be stolen,” the filing states.

The gal pal instructed the phony hitman to not hurt the wife’s child and sent them the victim’s Facebook profile image and address. She’d release the funds, she stated, as soon as she had photographic proof that the victim had been murdered.

Weeks went by, and J.M.’s wife was still alive, the young woman informed the FBI. She contacted the “hitman” through their website and asked what was happening. The scammer, who claimed they by no means really planned on carrying out the assassination, provided an excuse: The hitman they hired for the job had been arrested, so they had been searching for another person to pull it off.

Needless to say, it never happened. The search warrant was executed last April, and filed in court this week, showing that FBI agents mined two of the woman’s email accounts for further clues and proof concerning the aborted hit.

The young woman was unable to be reached. Her lawyer isn’t identified in the filing and isn’t listed in court records.

There have been myriad reports of attempted murder-for-hire plots hatched by way of the dark web in recent years, though a majority of them end up being scams. In each of the instances, men paid online goons several thousand {dollars} in Bitcoin. Around the same time J.M.’s girlfriend was looking for an assassin, CBS 48 Hours highlighted the case of a Minnesota teenager whose British gamer ex-boyfriend had ordered her murder online by way of a mysterious dark net fraudster referred to as “Yura.”

In April, The Every day Beast reported on the case of Spokane physician Ronald Ilg, who’s facing criminal charges for trying to hire dark web killers to assault a former employee and kidnap and extort his wife. Police say journalists from an unnamed news organization foiled Ilg’s plans. One month later, reporters disrupted another alleged murder-for-hire, this time in Beverly Hills. Scott Quinn Berkett, 24, is charged with attempting to orchestrate the killing of a woman he met on a Facebook anime fan page.

#murderplot #darkweb #murderforhire #usanews #worldnews

[dangoghz]

legitimate advice for new phandom blogs

hey !! so i know sometimes posts like ‘RULES FOR THE PHANDOM XD’ are made and they’re all like “numba one. dan is a squishy bean respect this uwu” but this isn’t gonna be like that lol. im just going to list a few actual things that might help people new to the phandom learn about and become integrated into the community! of course these aren’t ‘rules’ and u dont have to listen to any of it ofc,,, im not here to control ur blog, just here to say what people normally do. feel free to rb whether u are a new blog or not, ill appreciate it either way!

(NOTE: PLS TELL ME IF ANY OF THE LINKS DONT WORK AND ILL FIX THEM PERIODICALLY!)

italicized text is defined in the glossary at the bottom!

1. be interactive! 

here, unique to our corner of timmy darn communism, we have a lot of like virtual traditions that everyone knows. these help you to make friends and also grow ur blog with some new mutuals. here are some examples.

networks: networks, or nets, are a sort of selective gc, usually with a theme or concept that it’s based around, in which all who wish to be part of fill out an application form that determines whether they get in. this is kinda the one with the most work, as u also have to make a group blog and info post, but it’s definitely worth it. i have made my closest friends in nets (such as @phleurnet which i birthed), and a lot of people on here would say the same. if you want to know more or apply, my friend diana runs an update blog @phandomnets! (examples, these are all open btw: x x x)

meetups: meetups are not in real life, don’t worry. a meetup is when someone organizes a specific time at which we all post thing around a certain theme! for instance, on halloween on tuesday, my friend milo hosted a halloween meetup. usually people post selfies but if u are uncomfortable with that, u can post art, music, or anything else related to the theme. a blog called @phandommeetupwatch keeps track of these! (examples, all happening soon/just happened: x x x)

follow forevers: a follow forever is a big celebration post when u reach a follower count milestone, no matter 50 or 5k. u tag all of the blogs you love, and they reblog it to appreciate u! it’s really positive and shows people how their work has paid off. usually people are tagged in alphabetical order, and sometimes people bold their favorites but the stylization is up to u. (recent examples: x x x)

milestone activities: sometimes people do things for their followers when they reach a follower count that involves their followers requesting something! there are many many forms of this type of thing. a common one is blog rates, in which there is a set template and the blogger rates each blog that sends in an ask using the template (info post ex: x; rate ex: x). there are also url edits (x), name/url moodboards (x), and more. u can certainly come up w an idea of ur own, being creative is great!

talk to people: that’s right dude!!! ye!!! u can message a blog u think is cool, or send an ask if u think something they made or are talking about is interesting, or add something sweet in the tags (more on etiquette later) when u rb their post. additionally, sometimes people stir up discourse, and u should participate in it if u want (past discourse examples: x x). u can also send asks when people reblog ask games, which are a list of questions with a theme (new one of mine ex: x). 

2. play around with your blog!

customizing your blog can start giving you what we call a branding, making you distinguished from other bloggers. this can include everything from as simple as using an icon to coding your own about page. 

themes: a blog can be way more appealing if it is aesthetically pleasing. admittedly, i often follow people just because of the smoothness of their mobile theme. a mobile theme is rather easy to construct as u can do it on ur own with a phone. it is how ur blog looks on a phone. although u don’t have to do this, i recommend sticking to two to four colors on ur theme and avoiding stuffing it with a lot of bright things because it can distract from content. additionally, bloggers often make their descriptions short and succinct. (my fav mobiles: x x x.) on a pc, your blog theme can be customized completely on html, meaning there is a lot of freedom. u don’t have to learn to code for this, bc u can find free themes anywhere, just search ‘free tumblr themes’ on google. once again, be creative, but u shouldn’t overload. (my fav pcs: x x x.)

about pages: in order to avoid chunky descriptions but still let people know the key deets about themselves, bloggers create about pages. sometimes these bout pages are uncoded but u can also use html code if u want to. some common things in an about page are interests, maybe personality types/horoscopes/hogwarts houses, original content, and links to other social media. (examples: x x x)

urls: urls are a key part of your blog’s brand. ‘rebranding’ is what people say if they change their url! if u are tired or bored with your url, changing it is an opportunity to change your theme and other parts of ur blog as well. (url change ex: x). 

saved urls: saved urls are basically when bloggers hoard sideblogs in order to reserve the urls used for them. if you ever encounter a blank blog that has ‘saved’ as its title, that’s probably it. sometimes people like to give away their urls, either as a constant thing (ex: x) or by doing a url giveaway (x). either way, it’s a good opportunity to change it up!

tags: in order to keep their blog cleancut and organized, a lot of bloggers have special tags for certain people, certain topics, and/or certain types of media. many people in the phandom particularly have tags for dan and phil that match (strawberries and cream, lune and sole, etc). if they have many of these tags, there can be a page for their tags on their blog. this page can be coded with special html or just a regular tumblr page, it doesn’t really matter. but it’s very useful for those who visit your blog, and makes it easy for u to navigate older posts as well! (examples: x x x)

3. learn to make og content!

producing original content helps you establish what your strengths are and why people should follow you. it also allows u to contribute to the fanbase, and gives u a chance of being noticed by dnp! and the validation is lovely. there are many options if u want to make something. 

gifs: gifs are an ART here in the phandom, and its mechanisms still perplex me to this day bc ive never tried it. u probably already know what a gif is, but if not, its essentially a short animation made in photoshop that repeats. gifmakers are often distinguished by a unique coloring (example gifmakers: x x x), such as my friend emily’s smooth dark blue tint (x). it can be a long process to learn how to gif but it is very rewarding in the end, from what i’ve heard. (tutorials: x x)

art: there is a very wide range of phanartists, all with such talents, either digital or traditional, that you can draw inspirations from for your own work. you can make cartoons, comics, realism, abstract, nsfw even, or any mix (or none) of the former. artists on tumblr definitely deserve more attention than they get here on tumblr, so be sure to show appreciation towards them! (my fav artists: x x x)

edits: edits are the Graphic Designs of our community and are usually very aesthetically pleasing. they can be centered around a certain event, like a video or something dnp made, or just for fun. the more practice you get making them, the more dexterous u’ll become. they can be a great tool if u like the design aspect of art but don’t want to actually draw. (edit makers: x x)

icons: icons are just the little profile picture that u can insert for ur blog. it’s really easy and fun to make them, kind of like a lazy version of edits. you can make them using photoshop or an app like picsart or medibang, and it doesn’t take a lot of time. more on how to use icons in section 4. (examples: x x x) (my lil tutorial: x)

moodboards: moodboards are nine pictures arranged 3 by 3 that have a certain color scheme. it’s kind of like a collage except the photo feature here separates the pictures for u. there are a lot of innovative moodboard makers that stun me w how pretty it looks or how they arrange the pics. moodboards are also an easy and fun option! (moodboard tags: x x x)

textposts: this is by far the easiest and more common form of content u will find. it’s just writing about dnp in a textpost! if a textpost isn’t very serious, people also call it a meme or shitpost. shitposting is defs on the rise here so its a good business to get into. it’s also a great outlet for ur emotions or personal connections to what dnp do! (example talk tags: x x x)

fics: by far the most famous media to come out of here, phanfiction is a popular form of phan indulgence. u have probably heard of the most scarring ones (list: x), but there is actually a really vast range of it, not just creepy smut! some other genres are fluff, angst, and slow burns. u will discover that, despite the sterotype, not all fanfiction is bad. you can find lovely fics on @phanfictioncatalogue by genre, au, or topic. and, if u need help writing something, many writers would love to help. (a few well-known fics: x x x x x)

4. tumblr etiquette!

i know tumblr might seem like a simple social media (or perhaps not after u’ve read all the above?) but there’s a lot of things that u just....u just don’t do. it’s sort of like virtual manners, and if u don’t follow them, then it’s unlikely that people will like ur blog. once again, this is by no means me forcing u to run ur blog a certain way. it just happens that the types of ppl who break these rules are who we mock in gcs :////////. so yea, here’s some advice.

credits: if u decide to use someone’s art, edit, gif, or icon on the theme of ur blog, check what they require of u before u use it. most content creators strongly ask for credit in the description of ur blog, either by link or like ‘icon/header/art by ____’. it is just a common courtesy to the person who spent time on that, and if u think credit will ruin the aesthetic of ur blog, a) u probably don’t have an aesthetic in the first place and b) learn to appreciate art, binch. 

anonymity: anon asks can be very powerful either negatively or positively depending on how u yield them, so make sure that u are careful with what u send. compliments are always welcome and criticism as well, but blatant rudeness or hate will do nothing. u will only make someone feel bad about themselves and it will not accomplish anything. also, u face the threat of all their friends turning u into a meme. 

sensitivity: a lot of people here are way too easily offended by harmless jokes, a common example in the phandom being when we insult dnp affectionately and people take it way too much to heart. please don’t start drama over something w no real meaning. however, there are times when it is indeed necessary. if u want to criticise a blogger, be respectful of them simultaneously. by all means, if u spot someone being racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynist, or the like, feel free to call them out on it. but beforehand, make sure that u have done ur research and are educated on the topic, or u could turn out to be blatantly wrong. 

adding to posts: everyone makes this mistake when they start out here and that’s totally okay, but adding to every post u reblog is incredibly bothersome. a rule of thumb would be don’t add anything unless what u say will actually improve the post significantly. if ur additions are along the lines of ‘LOL’ or ‘i relate!!!!’ or ‘philly is a smol bean XD’, learn to use the tags for heaven’s sake. they’re there for not only organization but also for commenting. some exceptions, though, would be if u are mentioned in the post or the op is your close friend. 

respecting privacy: this should already be obvious to u, but respect dan and phil’s boundaries. do not tag them or their main tags (#daniel howell, #danisnotonfire, #amazingphil), in any phanfics, phanart (like specifically with them as a romantic ship), or phan edits. do not talk to their family members, expose their personal info like address or phone number, and do consider that they are real people just like u. we may make things based around phan, but it is kept in a community for us and not for dan and phil’s eyes. this is very important.

5. have fun!

sorry if this is all overwhelming, but i tried to make it as simplified as possible. and also sorry for the sass, i’m kinda tired of all the ding dongs on here and want to prevent further ding dongs from being created. thanks so much for readin and be sure to send me an ask anytime if u have questions! welcome to hell!

glossary

timmy darn communism: me being my usual weird self and replacing ‘tumblr dot com’ with random words that start with the same letters

mutuals: someone who you follow and who follows you; usually who u interact with most

rb: shortening for ‘reblog’

discourse: when theres is intense discussion of a certain topic, sometimes phan-related sometimes not, sometimes serious and sometimes silly

branding: the word ‘branding’ kinda started as a joke, but it’s generally what we use to call what someone’s blog reminds them of, whether it be a certain color or a discussion topic; my branding, if u asked a mutual, would probably be impressionism, tea, and baguettes (dont ask ab that one)

html: a simple type of coding used for designing websites! u can learn basic html here or here, it’s way easier and funner than it looks

dnp: dan and phil; we also say ‘deppy’, ‘dip and pip’, ‘the boys’, ‘the rats’, and more

coloring: basically the stylization of a gif, shown through filters, textures, contrast, brightness, etc. 

talk tag: a tag in which all of the textposts that a person makes are sorted into

phanfiction terms

smut: porn fic :/ 

fluff: just what it sounds like, a type of fic that usually has a lot of soft stuff like cuddling, flirting, and looooove

angst: a fic with a lot of drama, usually sad or very emotional

slow burn: a fic where a pairing, in this case phan, slowly falls in love

au: stands for ‘alternate universe’, a fic in which dan and phil are written not as youtubers but in a completely different scenario (ie. bad boy and new guy in high school, university students, space exhibition, anything u can dream up really)

anon: short for ‘anonymous’

op: short for ‘original poster’, aka who made the post

#this took me SO LONG pls appreciate it #gogh away ester #dan and phil #phan #phandom #phan advice #phandom advice #phil lester #dan howell #luncheon

[flowerconcept-blog]

skater!hongbin

inspired by a short convo w/ @cappuchiho so this is dedicated to u chi!!!

hongbin is a college student and part time barista to pay the bills, but his true passion is skateboarding!!!!

is studying economics because that’s what his parents want him to do but minors in acting because he really enjoys character study and he can’t major in skating :( 

when people see him in his barista get up looking like a model no one thinks he’s a skater boy…. but then they see him zooming past in skinny jeans vans and a baggy t-shirt and they’re like “huh”

always has earphones and you’d think he’s blasting a kanye playlist or something but no. it’s park hyo shin

looks super soft and sleepy in his morning macroeconomics class in his big fuzzy sweatshirt and oversized glasses, his skateboard propped up next to him …. all the girls and also all of the guys in the class have  giant crushes on him and swoon whenever he yawns cutely

waits forever to get a haircut because he’s too lazy to go to a hairdresser, so his hair always gets long and wavy and the bangs get in his eyes and it’s super dreamy

one time jaehwan cut his bangs for him and it was a mess but he still managed to look beautiful ??????

has a customized skateboard covered in stickers he’s collected over the years and he treats it like his baby.. he’s constantly dropping his phone and losing his notebooks but he would never ever ever let anything harm his precious skateboard

basically all of his free time is spent at the skatepark right on campus and as soon as he gets off work he’ll skate over and spend the next couple of hours doing tricks or just skating around

people always ask why he loves skateboarding so much and ,,,,,,,, hongbin never really knows how to answer? he just loves how free he feels when he’s skating, he likes the movement of it and learning tricks but more than anything skating has always been about escaping from his normal stress and worries

rooms with his bffl hyuk, who also skates, and the two of them are a total wreck living on pizza and ramen and hongbin’s mother would faint if she saw the state of their kitchen, but ….. they have a good time!

very shy at first………….. just because he’s so awkward….. despite spending all of his time at the skate park he’s always there with hyuk so he doesn’t really know anyone else???? he has his close group of friends and then doesn’t interact with other people cause he has no idea how to be a human

people are constantly asking him out at the cafe he works at and every time he just awkwardly clears his throat and looks at coworker gongchan in desperation, who sighs and goes “sorry he’s busy thursday”

anyways you go to the same college as hongbin and it seems like every single one of your friends has a giant crush on him? but you’ve never actually seen him, just heard about his perfect nose and perfect hair and perfect smile

your friends always take you to the coffee shop he works at because you’re like “there’s no way he’s THAT handsome” but his shifts line up precisely with your classes and work so you’ve never seen him

however, you do know hyuk! you sit next to him in your intro to compsci class and unlike you, he’s actually really good at the subject, but you…..have no idea what you’re doing…..so of course on the first day you befriended him to save your grade

every week you guys camp out in his apartment and do the compsci lab and it’s …..grueling… painful ……horrifying….. you’re convinced your professor is a sadist

you repay him for his generosity by making him real food because apparently he and his roommate are incapable of feeding themselves? although you’ve never met his roommate because he’s always at work when you are over

you always make him double portions to feed his roommate as well, because you’d feel bad leaving him to eat stale pizza after hyuk gets a full gourmet meal

so while you’ve never met hongbin, hongbin is pretty much in love with you because you leave him delicious homemade food once a week….he always asks about you and hyuk is like [side eye emoji]... and so a mischievous little matchmaking plot emerges!

one week hongbin has a bad cold :( and he’s home for like half of the week just curled up eating snacks and watching dramas :( but as miserable as he is….. this is when he first meets you!!!!!!

because it also just so happens that hyuk “forgot” to tell you that he’s busy during your typical study session, so when you knock on the door a sniffling (but still beautiful) boy opens it and ur like. “who are you”

and hongbin’s like. “whomst are you???????”

you quickly sort out that you’re here to study with hyuk and hongbin’s like omg you’re y/n????? while sneezing and you….. well you’re sort of a mom friend and you can’t help but feel sorry for hongbin

but also how does he know your name!!!

so you ask if he’d like you to make him some soup or something since you brought cooking supplies anyway….and it’s not because he’s so dreamy it’s just because you feel bad! you’re not trying to just spend time with him! you’re just being kind!

ten minutes in and hongbin’s tiny crush on you has become a HUGE crush because not only do you make amazing food, you’re also beautiful? and sweet? and he just wants to wrap you up in his arms and cuddle u, which is a feeling he doesn’t usually encounter

while you make him your famous cold prevention soup, he awkwardly hovers by the fridge and asks you questions about yourself and you’re like…………. he’s so damn cute

hyuk comes back from his “””important meeting”””” and the two of you are watching tv together and laughing and he acts all innocent when you accuse him of standing you up. 

makes a joke about you two flirting and hongbin blushes, but you just stick your tongue out and shuffle a tiny bit closer to bean and that’s when he knows. he’s thoroughly fucked

you get his number under the guise of wanting to know if he feels any better, but like two days later hongbin calls you out of the blue and is like hey wanna come to the skatepark with me

and ur like….. i don’t skate? but bin is like i’m gonna TEACH you then

while he was awkward at his own apartment, he’s so much more at home skating, and you watch in admiration and awe as he shows you his tricks because his intense skater face is so appealing ,,,, the line of his jaw ,,,,,,,,,,, the laughter in his eyes when you try and fail to do a simple move 

takes you to this little bbq joint when it starts getting dark and shows off his sick bbq skills (he’s actually not too bad)

you two drink soju and tipsy hongbin is still pretty awkward, but not as awkward as sober hongbin, so as you leave the restaurant laughing he kisses you, right hand holding his board and left hand around your waist

hyuk totally takes credit for your relationship

gives you his thrasher sweatshirt because he thinks you look adorable in it ,,,,,, holds your hand as you try to skate but ends up roasting you because you can’t balance well ,,,,,, you never thought he would be so savage but sometimes he hits you with total burns and you pretend to cry and he just laughs ,,,,,,, but at the same time is unbelievably tender and kisses your nose all the time

you don’t realize he’s hongbin that all your friends talked about until you bring him to a party and everyone freaks out ,..... “you’re dating HONGBIN??!?!??!?!” “oh whoops?”

you teach him how to cook for himself and he’s a surprisingly fast learner, but he still whines asking for you to come over and make him dinner as an excuse to see you

he always thought his skateboard would be number #1 in his life but you make him feel as free and happy as skating does ,,,, you don’t ask anything from him and you don’t expect him to always be perfect, even when he hasn’t showered for three days you love him (although you do force him into the bathroom) ,,,, 

hongbin: “my skateboard can’t love me back ..... but you do.... thank u”

also hongbin: *skates up to you between classes, smooches you real fast, and then skates away*

#vixx scenarios #vixx #hongbin #hongbin scenarios #kpop scenarios #hongbin is sooo dreamy!!!!!!!!!!!!!i luv him!!!!! wtf!!!!!!!!!!!! #this is bad but i wanted to get a vixx thing up :( #💌

[ponyregrets]

alt pov request for 'mutual' , if you so desire

Original fic here, alt-POV here!

Not to brag, but Bellamy's pretty good with celebrities.

He grew up in Los Angeles and started working shitty retail jobs basically as soon as he was legally able to do so, which means that he started encountering beautiful, famous people pretty early on. He's not immune to the occasional bout of hero-worship--one time Harrison Ford came into a restaurant he was working out and he had to go out back to have a private freak-out--but for the most part, it doesn't faze him. At best, he gets a kind of fun story, and at worst, he finds a person whose work he enjoyed is actually a dick. But mostly, it's just another thing. He's used to it. Not a big deal at all.

But, seriously, he likes Clarke Griffin. Not on any deep personal level, but she's gorgeous, and currently starring in his favorite show, and she talks a lot about bisexuality and representation and seems generally pretty cool, whenever he encounters her in interviews or gifsets. As a person, she seems more serious than her character in Goredd, always self-conscious about how she comes across, but--it's kind of endearing, honestly.

And, again. She's really gorgeous.

He's sad. It's fine. He's leaning into it.

All of which means that Clarke Griffin wandering into his store one rainy afternoon is kind of a crisis, but not nearly as much of one as it could be. Because, again, he's good with celebrities. Even his current celebrity crush. Even his current celebrity crush who is wet and kind of scowling and--wow, she's cute in person. In addition to beautiful and--yeah.

Stay on track, Blake.

When her gaze hits him, he cocks his head and gives her a wry smile. It's hard to be completely professional when she looks grumpy and half-drowned. Celebrities: they're just like us.

"Hi," he says. "Can I help you?"

"Umbrellas?" she asks, sounding hopeful.

"Stand in the back." She looks around, like she's not sure what he means by the back, and it's not like he's doing anything else. "Right this way," he says, slipping out from behind the counter and leading her to the small rack of umbrellas. It's not the kind of thing that requires additional interaction, but--it's Clarke Griffin. She's a few inches shorter than he is, and her hair's pulled back in a neat braid. She's dressed well without seeming particularly stylish, just a grayish henley and jeans, and she looks older than twenty-four, and tired.

He's never going to see her again; he might as well make conversation.

"I'm resisting the urge to ask if it's really coming down out there, but that really feels like what I should be saying," he says, because he never claimed to be good at conversation. "Social conditioning."

She lets out a small huff of a laugh, almost reluctant. "I can confirm it's really coming down out there."

"I knew it." He stops by the umbrellas and waves at them vaguely. "All the umbrellas you can eat."

"How many umbrellas do people usually eat?"

She's looking more amused by the second, so he figures he can lean into it. "You know, that's the kind of thing I don't ask, as a professional. What my customers do with their umbrellas in the privacy of their own home is their business."

This time, her smile is real and bright, with a flash of white teeth, and his stupid stomach flips. It's not like he's bad with people, but his sense of humor is kind of--well, his sister tells him it's terrible and embarrassing. And he knows a lot of the time he just scrapes by on his looks, in term of charm, and his looks definitely aren't going to impress Clarke Griffin, so he's amusing her on his own merits. Which is awesome. He's the best.

"I'm glad this isn't the kind of establishment that judges people's umbrella habits," she teases.

"Safe space. Anything else?"

"Do you have hot drinks?"

He thinks it over. "Not very good ones, but if you're desperate we have shitty coffee and Lipton tea."

"You're not a very good salesman," she says, still smiling.

He shrugs. "It's really cheap, so at least there's that. You get what you pay for." He'd like her to stick around, but honesty and recognition of just how shitty their coffee is compels him to add, "You can also take your new umbrella to the coffee shop down the street."

"Which do you recommend?"

"How hard is it raining?" he asks, after an appropriate pause.

She actually laughs, looks about as surprised by the sound as he is. "I'll risk it," she says, and he assumes she means the coffee shop, but then she adds, "I think shitty coffee is better. I assume if I put enough milk and sugar in it, it'll taste like milk and sugar."

"You would think that, but I'm not convinced." He wets his lips, not sure where to go from here. He has no reason to talk to Clarke Griffin. He's done his part in this. More than his part, even. It's a nice celebrity encounter. "Uh, coffee's right over here," he says. "Feel free to do whatever you can to make it drinkable."

He goes back to the register and pulls out his phone, mostly so he won't try to talk to her or anything stupid like that.

Me: Clarke Griffin is hereJust so teenage you can be jealous

Octavia: yeah, pretend this is about teenage mehow embarrassing are you being?scale from 1-10

Me: I'm being coolShut up

Octavia: what part of your body did u ask her to signwas it just onehow much of your body is signedis there any clean skin left

Me: I'm at workI'm a professionalI'll just save her receipt

Clarke comes over to the register and slides him her coffee and the umbrella. He rings her up and she pays with cash, so no credit-card receipt, but it's not like he really minds. She hangs out checking her phone and sipping her coffee, and she gives him a smile before she leaves, so--yeah.

He's awesome with celebrities.

*

He's not planning to mention the encounter to Marie, largely because he doesn't know what he'd say about it to Marie. Marie is a generally confusing and difficult part of his life, because, well, he likes Marie, in a way he wasn't really prepared for. He got on tumblr back when O went off to college and decided that was going to be her social media platform, and he'd only ever planned to interact with her there. Which wasn't even a good plan, because basically all Octavia does on tumblr is reblog weird aesthetic stuff and memes from Denny's, at least on the tumblr she's telling him about, so it wasn't like he really learned much about her life. He just kind of started blogging about TV shows he likes and complaining about things and stumbled into tumblr culture, basically entirely by accident. But for all he's kind of involved in fandom on bb-hate, and has a surprising number of followers and fans on hollywood-histories, he doesn't really have a lot of friends on tumblr.

Marie was unexpected, and he still feels like he doesn't know what to do with her. He talks to her more than he talks to anyone he knows, aside from possibly Miller and his sister, and he feels like he knows her pretty well.

More than that, he feels like he'd like to know her better, and he's still not sure how to do that. But telling her he's still buzzing from seeing a cute celebrity definitely feels like the wrong way to handle it.

So, of course, that's one of the days she asks.

touched-the-sky: Any celebrities today?

He thinks about lying, but--that would be a dick move, right? And what's the point of lying? People have celebrity crushes. They definitely have talked about all kinds of both celebrities and hot people before, so there's no reason he can't mention this one. She probably thinks Clarke Griffin is hot too. She generally has good taste.

bb-hate: Clarke Griffin

touched-the-sky: From the dragon show, right?

bb-hate: yeahshe got caught in the rain and needed an umbrellaI was incredibly cool about itI'm pretty sure she has no idea I've got a huge thing for her

It feels a little stupid to add, but Miller and Octavia don't like women and don't want to gossip with him, or would just mock him, so Marie is definitely his best option.

And maybe she'll get jealous. He wouldn't mind if she did. It would probably help him deal with his stupid feelings.

touched-the-sky: Definitely notI'm sure you were very subtle

bb-hate: your sarcasm is not appreciatedI'm great with celebritiesshe stuck around to drink her coffee so I couldn't have been that baddo you watch that show?

touched-the-sky: Not religiously

bb-hate: I'm just saying, she's even hotter in personand she laughed at my shitty self-deprecating humor, so we're probably getting married

touched-the-sky: I'm happy for you

There's a lull in the conversation, and he's hoping, a little bit, that she is jealous, because if she was it would make him feel a lot better about his life if she was.

touched-the-sky: You know, usually you don't objectify the celebritiesIs Clarke Griffin really hotter than a Jonas Brother?

bb-hate: have you ever seen a picture of Clarke Griffin?or a Jonas Brother?seriously, no comparison

He hesitates for a second, but--he met Clarke Griffin, and she's cool and pretty and he made her laugh, and someone should definitely appreciate how great that is. Marie remains his best bet.

bb-hate: but, yeahshe seems coolmy sister was really into her when she was trying to have a musical careerand I saw all these interviews where she turned from, likeprivileged white girl who thought her bisexuality meant she was oppressedto actually informed feminist who cares about intersectionalityand she's cuteuh yeah anywaythat was your Clarke Griffin asidehow was your day?

touched-the-sky: Surprisingly goodGot kind of soaked, but yeahReally good

bb-hate: yeah?what happened?

touched-the-sky: Had an important work meetingWent wellI dunno, just kind of a good feelingI think stuff is going my way

bb-hate: coolI hope so

touched-the-sky: YeahMe too

*

Bellamy has a few regulars at the store. There are the people who make him feel guilty, the ones who come in every day after work to buy lottery tickets and cigarettes, and make him want to take them aside and explain how much of a scam these things are. There are the ones who come in for frozen meals, the lady who is hung over ever Saturday morning and comes in for shitty coffee and one of their awful breakfast burritos, the guy who says they're the only place who carries his favorite candy bar.

And then, suddenly, there's Clarke Griffin.

She comes in for the second time four days after the first. It's the same time of day, so maybe she knows someone in the area. There are some agents around, some gyms, some places that definitely could be destinations, even for someone like her.

She picks up an Arizona green tea, a bag of popcorn, and one of their sudoku books.

"You know a sudoku app is actually cheaper, right?" he asks. Most of his conversation starters are about money, which is unfortunate, because Clarke Griffin can afford to buy whatever she feels like. She doesn't need to worry about budgets.

"I like having to keep track of the numbers myself," she says. "The phone feels like cheating."

"Yeah, okay, I can see that, I guess," he says, and she thanks him and takes off.

A week after that, she gets a peanut butter Twix, and five days after that, she asks if they have batteries.

"Yeah, next to the umbrellas," he tells her, and wonders if she actually remembers he's the same guy who helped her before.

She remembers where the umbrellas are, at least. But she probably doesn't know exactly how many times she's been in the store while he's working. She's the celebrity, he's just the help. Even non-famous people tend to see employees as part of the decoration.

Three days later she buys another pack of batteries, another tea, and another sudoku book.

"Already done with the first one?" he asks.

"I have a lot of downtime at my job," she says. "I assume you can relate."

It's nice that she doesn't act like he should know who she is, and kind of cute that she's comparing time off between takes to working at a convenience store. He's pretty confident their jobs have nothing in common, but he appreciates her pretending.

"Yeah, but I cheat and use my phone," he says, and she smiles.

"So, I'm definitely better at sudoku than you are."

"No question." He gives her her change. "Have a good day."

"Thanks, you too."

The next time she comes in, he isn't expecting her at all. It's 10:47 on a Friday night, and he's so bored that time feels like it's going backward. He just wants to close up, go home, and hear about whatever shitty movie Marie's decided to watch. It's just what he needs. He's had a long week, and it's not even over yet. The distraction sounds perfect.

When the bell chimes, he almost groans, but then he sees it's Clarke, and he manages a smile, even through his confusion. It's almost eleven; she's never been in so late. He has no idea what she'd be doing in this neighborhood at this time of night.

It would be weird if he offered to walk her to her car, right? But--she might get mugged. He'd feel bad.

Only one way to find out. He gives her a smile when she gets to the counter and says, "Hi, need help finding anything?"

Weirdly, she looks anxious. He can see her swallow, close her eyes, and take a breath. "No," she says. Her eyes lock on his. "I just--I don't really like watching movies alone."

Maybe she's drunk. She seems pretty coherent, but--he has no idea what she's talking about, so something must be up. Maybe she's on one of those drugs he's not famous enough to have access to. That's probably a thing. "Uh, okay. Sorry about that?" he offers.

Clarke nods, like she's making up her mind about something. "And it's not really the same doing it online, like--I like talking to you on tumblr, but I think it would be a lot more fun in person, you know?"

Bellamy's brain basically just--stops. For a second. He doesn't talk to many people on tumblr, especially not about watching movies. There's only one person like that, in fact.

She's smiling at him, fond and shy all at once. "I bet you get really annoyed and yell at the TV and everything," she continues, and he tries to figure out a response, but the words aren't coming. He just swallows, and Clarke's smile grows. "I don't really know what the protocol is for revealing your secret internet identity, but--hi? I'm touched-the-sky on tumblr. I'm a big fan of yours."

He finally gets his voice working enough to croak, "Marie?"

She blushes a little, and some separate part of Bellamy's brain feels kind of smug that he's making Clarke Griffin blush. Clarke Griffin is totally self-conscious. Because of him.

"My middle name," she explains, like that was his question. "Clarke Marie Griffin. It was easy to remember."

"I--" he starts, but he doesn't actually know what to say yet. Clarke Griffin is his internet friend. Clarke Griffin is the girl he's been kind of developing a thing for, and she's somehow been coming into his store just to see him, probably.

Which at least gives him something to say. "How?"

She bites her lip, expression caught between pride and embarrassment. "Luck? I don't know, I liked your blog, I wanted to talk to you. Real life, I found you totally by accident. I was kind of looking, though," she adds. "Just, you know. Paying a lot of attention to guys who worked at convenience stores."

Clarke Griffin likes his blog, cares about his opinions, thinks his dorky sense of humor is funny, and was looking for him in convenience stores. Maybe every time she asked him if he'd seen any celebrities, it was because she'd seen someone who could be him and wanted to check. That could actually be a thing.

He shakes his head, bringing his brain back to the task at hand. "Okay, so--what are you doing here?"

"Making friends?" she says, but immediately rethinks it. "No, scratch that. I really like you, so--"

Making friends was already a way better answer than he thought he'd get, because--Clarke Griffin wants to be his friend. But apparently she-- "Wait, are you asking me out?" he asks, flabbergasted.

Would she notice if he pinched himself? She'd probably get it. She has to understand how fucking surreal this is.

"Yeah, that would probably would have been a better way to do this," she says, flushing. "Sorry if that's weird."

He barks out a laugh, and he can see her relax. "Uh, yeah," he teases. "It's incredibly weird. This is the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me." Which still feels like an understatement. Marie's here, and she's asking him out, and she's a gorgeous, famous celebrity who wants to hang out and watch bad movies on Netflix with him. Nothing is ever going to be this weird again in his entire life, he's pretty sure. Half of him is still expecting this to be some elaborate prank. "I didn't want to be an asshole about asking you where in California you lived or--anything," he finally admits. "But I really wanted to know." She grins, and it's just--way too much. "Fuck. I really wasn't expecting this."

"Sorry I didn't tell you earlier," she offers, sounding like she really means it. "It wasn't supposed to be a thing. I just wanted--something for myself, I guess. Somewhere no one knew who I was and I could just--have fun."

He laughs. "You know, when I think about Hollywood stars trying to live normal lives, tumblr's never been involved."

"Don't blame me for your lack of imagination," she shoots back, and it's just--it's her. It's just like talking to Marie, just live and in person.

And a celebrity.

"Jesus," he breathes. "It really is you."

"That's why I came down. I was pretty sure you weren't going to believe me if I just told you online that I was Clarke Griffin."

"I barely believe you now," he says, dry. She smiles, and he'd say he has no idea what to do, but he knows exactly what he wants. Clarke is right here, and is Marie, and she wants to go out with him. It's so obvious what he should be doing.

Except he's at work. He checks his phone, finds it's only 10:56, not even closing time yet. His entire life has been upended, and it's only been ten fucking minutes. "It's, uh--I'm pretty sure no one's going to know if I close up four minutes early, so--" He slides out from behind the counter so he can lock the door and flip the sign, but he still needs another second before he can just--go over there. She's a few inches shorter than he is, and she's smiling up at him, leaning in because she somehow, for some reason, wants to kiss him. "Clarke," he breathes, and then cracks the moment open when he laughs. "Shit, you're Clarke Griffin," he adds, like she doesn't know.

She rolls her eyes, but looks amused. "Yeah, and we could be making out if you just got over it. I'm Clarke Griffin. You're Bellamy--whatever your last name is. Nice to meet you in person."

"Blake. Bellamy Blake," he tells her.

And then he kisses Clarke Griffin, and she doesn't seem to mind at all.

*

"So, did you seriously ask me if I'd seen a celebrity every time you went into a convenience store?"

"Not every time," Clarke protests. She sitting on her couch with her legs tucked under her, wearing a nightshirt and nothing else, and it still doesn't feel real, whatever's happening. He's fucked Clarke Griffin, and woken up with her in his arms, and now he's in her apartment, drinking her coffee, thinking about calling into work for once in his life. He's earned it, right? He's got a new celebrity girlfriend, he's so justified.

He sits down next to her, and she snuggles into him. There's no way he's going into work. Not at all.

"How many times?" he asks.

"Like three? Just when I went somewhere with a male employee around your age who looked like he might be biracial," she says. She worries her lip. "I was really hoping it was you, though. The time that it was. Not to be shallow, but--you were hot, so I wanted you to be--you." She makes a face. "This is really confusing to talk about."

He grins. "You think I'm hot, huh?"

"I figured the way I dragged you home to fuck you within an hour of meeting you was a tip-off."

"You knew it was me for weeks," he points out. "And you weren't fucking me then."

"No, but--I wanted to be. Once I found out it was you."

"Romantic," he says, and leans down to kiss her again. It's supposed to be quick, but she sets her coffee aside and slides into his lap, so it's hard to care about stopping.

"Seriously, you're really hot," she murmurs, trailing her fingers up his sides. "I can't believe I got this lucky."

"You can't believe you got this lucky?" he teases. "Which one of us is dating the actual movie star?" He freezes, realizing. "Uh, assuming we're dating."

Clarke laughs and nuzzles his jaw. "I'm more of a TV star, but, yeah. We're definitely dating." She pauses. "But dating a celebrity isn't really that great, honestly. It sounds cool, but you have to go to events and the press will want to talk to you, and--"

"And I get to date you," he points out. "So--I'll live."

"I'm just saying, I'm pretty sure dating Clarke Griffin isn't as great as some of my fans think it is."

"Maybe not. But dating Clarke Marie Griffin is going to be fucking awesome."

"That does sound pretty awesome," she agrees. She slides off his lap, picking up her coffee and finding the remote. "You know, we never actually watched that shitty movie last night. You in?"

One sick day. He can afford one sick day. It's worth it. "I'm in," he says. "Do your worst."

#millipop

[fastforwardlabs]

Thomas Wiecki on Probabilistic Programming with PyMC3

A rolling regression with PyMC3: instead of the regression coefficients being constant over time (the points are daily stock prices of 2 stocks), this model assumes they follow a random-walk and can thus slowly adapt them over time to fit the data best. 

Probabilistic programming is coming of age. While normal programming languages denote procedures, probabilistic programming languages denote models and perform inference on these models. Users write code to specify a model for their data, and the languages run sampling algorithms across probability distributions to output answers with confidence rates and levels of uncertainty across a full distribution. These languages, in turn, open up a whole range of analytical possibilities that have historically been too hard to implement in commercial products.

One sector where probabilistic programming will likely have significant impact is financial services. Be it when predicting future market behavior or loan defaults, when analyzing individual credit patterns or anomalies that might indicate fraud, financial services organizations live and breathe risk. In that world, a tool that makes it easy and fast to predict future scenarios while quantifying uncertainty could have tremendous impact. That’s why Thomas Wiecki, Director of Data Science for the crowdsourced investment management firm Quantopian, is so excited about probabilistic programming and the new release of PyMC3 3.0.

We interviewed Dr. Wiecki to get his thoughts on why probabilistic programming is taking off now and why he thinks it’s important. Check out his blog, and keep reading for highlights!

A key benefit of probabilistic programming is that it makes it easier to construct and fit Bayesian inference models. You have a history working with Bayesian methods in your doctoral work on cognition and psychiatry. How did you use them?

One of the main problems in psychiatry today is that disorders like depression or schizophrenia are diagnosed based purely on subjective reporting of symptoms, not biological traits you can measure. By way of comparison, imagine if a cardiologist were to prescribe heart medication based on answers you gave in a questionnaire! Even the categories used to diagnose depression aren’t that valid, as two patients may have completely different symptoms, caused by different underlying biological mechanisms, but both fall under the broad category “depressed.” My thesis tried to change that by identifying differences in cognitive function -- rather than reported symptoms -- to diagnose psychiatric diseases. Towards that goal, we used computational models of the brain, estimated in a Bayesian framework, to try to measure cognitive function. Once we had accurate measures of cognitive function, we used machine learning to train classifiers to predict whether individuals were suffering from certain psychiatric or neurological disorders. The ultimate goal was to replace disease categories based on subjective descriptions of symptoms with objectively measurable cognitive function. This new field of research is generally known as computational psychiatry, and is starting to take root in industries like pharmaceuticals to test the efficacy of new drugs.

What exactly was Bayesian about your approach?

We mainly used it to get accurate fits of our models to behavior. Bayesian methods are especially powerful when there is hierarchical structure in data. In computational psychiatry, individual subjects either belong to a healthy group or a group with psychiatric disease. In terms of cognitive function, individuals are likely to share similarities with other members of their group. Including these groupings into a hierarchical model gave more powerful and informed estimates about individual subjects so we could make better and more confident predictions with less data.

Bayesian inference provides robust means to test hypotheses by estimating how different two different groups are from one another. 

How did you go from computational psychiatry to data science at Quantopian?

I started working part-time at Quantopian during my PhD and just loved the process of building an actual product and solving really difficult applied problems. After I finished my PhD, it was an easy decision to come on full-time and lead the data science efforts there. Quantopian is a community of over 100.000 scientists, developers, students, and finance professionals interested in algorithmic trading. We provide all the tools and data necessary to build state-of-the-art trading algorithms. As a company, we try to identify the most promising algorithms and work with the authors to license them for our upcoming fund, which will launch later this year.  The authors retain the IP of their strategy and get a share of the net profits.

What’s one challenging data science problem you face at Quantopian?

Identifying the best strategies is a really interesting data science problem because people often overfit their strategies to historical data. A lot of strategies thus often look great historically but falter when actually used to trade with real money. As such, we let strategies bake in the oven a bit and accumulate out-of-sample data that the author of the strategy did not have access to, simply because it hadn’t happened yet when the strategy was conceived. We want to wait long enough to gain confidence, but not so long that strategies lose their edge. Probabilistic programming allows us to track uncertainty over time, informing us when we’ve waited long enough to have confidence that the strategy is actually viable and what level of risk we take on when investing in it.

It’s tricky to understand probabilistic programming when you first encounter it. How would you define it?

Probabilistic programming allows you to flexibly construct and fit Bayesian models in computer code. These models are generative: they relate unobservable causes to observable data, to simulate how we believe data is created in the real world. This is actually a very intuitive way to express how you think about a dataset and formulate specific questions. We start by specifying a model, something like “this data fits into a normal distribution”. Then, we run flexible estimation algorithms, like Markov Chain Monte Carlo (MCMC), to sample from the “posterior”, the distribution updated in light of our real-world data, which quantifies our belief into the most likely causes underlying the data. The key with probabilistic programming is that model construction and inference are almost completely independent. It used to be that those two were inherently tied together so you had to do a lot of math in order to fit a given model. Probabilistic programming can estimate almost any model you dream up which provides the data scientist with a lot of flexibility to iterate quickly on new models that might describe the data even better. Finally, because we operate in a Bayesian framework, the models rest on a very well thought out statistical foundation that handles uncertainty in a principled way.

Much of the math behind Bayesian inference and statistical sampling techniques like MCMC is not new, but probabilistic tooling is. Why is this taking off now?

There are mainly three reasons why probabilistic programming is more viable today than it was in the past. First is simply the increase in compute power, as these MCMC samplers are quite costly to run. Secondly, there have been theoretical advances in the sampling algorithms themselves, especially a new class called Hamiltonian Monte Carlo samplers. These are much more powerful and efficient in how they sample data, allowing us to fit highly complex models. Instead of sampling at random, Hamiltonian samplers use the gradient of the model to focus sampling on high probability areas. By contrast, older packages like BUGS could not compute gradients. Finally, the third required piece was software using automatic differentiation -- an automatic procedure to compute gradients on arbitrary models.

What are the skills required to use probabilistic programming? Can any data scientist get started today or are there prerequisites?

Probabilistic programming is like statistics for hackers. It used to be that even basic statistical modeling required a lot of fancy math. We also used to have to sacrifice the ability to really map the complexity in data to make models that were tractable, but just too simple. For example, with probabilistic programming we don’t have to do something like assume our data is normally distributed just to make our model tractable. This assumption is everywhere because it’s mathematically convenient, but no real-world data looks like this! Probabilistic programming enables us to capture these complex distributions. The required skills are the ability to code in a language like Python and a basic knowledge of probability to be able to state your model. There are also a lot of great resources out there to get started, like Bayesian Analysis with Python, Bayesian Methods for Hackers, and of course the soon-to-be-released Fast Forward Labs report!

Congratulations on the new release of PyMC3! What differentiates PyMC3 from other probabilistic programming languages? What kinds of problems does it solve best? What are its limitations?

Thanks, we are really excited to finally release it, as PyMC3 has been under continuous development for the last 5 years! Stan and PyMC3 are among the current state-of-the-art probabilistic programming frameworks. The main difference is that Stan requires you to write models in a custom language, while PyMC3 models are pure Python code. This makes model specification, interaction, and deployment easier and more direct. In addition to advanced Hamiltonian Monte Carlo samplers, PyMC3 also features streaming variational inference, which allows for very fast model estimation on large data sets as we fit a distribution to the posterior, rather than trying to sample from it. In version 3.1, we plan to support more variational inference algorithms and GPUs, which will make things go even faster!

For which applications is probabilistic programming the right tool? For which is it the wrong tool?

If you only care about pure prediction accuracy, probabilistic programming is probably the wrong tool. However, if you want to gain insight into your data, probabilistic programming allows you to build causal models with high interpretability. This is especially relevant in the sciences and in regulated sectors like healthcare, where predictions have to be justified and can’t just come from a black-box. Another benefit is that because we are in a Bayesian framework, we get uncertainty in our parameters and in our predictions, which is important for areas where we make high-stakes decisions under very noisy conditions, like in finance. Also, if you have prior information about a domain you can very directly build this into the model. For example, let’s say you wanted to estimate the risk of diabetes from a dataset. There are many things we already know even without looking at the data, like that high blood sugar increases that risk dramatically -- we can build that into the model by using an informed prior, something that’s not possible with most machine learning algorithms.

Finally, hierarchical models are very powerful, but often underappreciated. A lot of data sets have an inherent hierarchical structure. For example, take individual preferences of users on a fashion website. Each individual has unique tastes, but often shares tastes with similar users. For example, people are more likely to have similar taste if they have the same sex, or are in the same age group, or live in the same city, state, or country. Such a model can leverage what it has learned from other group members and apply it back to an individual, leading to much more accurate predictions, even in the case where we might only have few data points per individual (which can lead to cold start problems in collaborative filtering). These hierarchies exist everywhere but are all too rarely taken into account properly. Probabilistic programming is the perfect framework to construct and fit hierarchical models.

Interpretability is certainly an issue with deep neural nets, which also require far more data than Bayesian models to train. Do you think Bayesian methods will be important for the future of deep learning?

Yes, and it’s a very exciting area! As we’re able to specify and estimate deep nets or other machine learning methods in probabilistic programming, it could really become a lingua franca that removes the barrier between statistics and machine learning, giving a common tool to do both. One thing that’s great about PyMC3 is that the underlying library is Theano, which was originally developed for deep learning. Theano helps bridge these two areas, combining the power nets have to extract latent representations out of high-dimensional data with variational inference algorithms to estimate models in a Bayesian framework. Bayesian deep learning is hot right now, so much so that NIPS offered a day-long workshop. I’ve also written about the benefits in this post and this post, explaining how Bayesian methods provide more rigor around the uncertainty and estimations of deep net predictions and provides better simulations. Finally, Bayesian Deep Learning will also allow to build exciting new architectures, like Hierarchical Bayesian Deep Networks that are useful for transfer learning. A bit like the work you did to get stronger results from Pictograph using the Wordnet hierarchy.

Bayesian deep nets provide greater insight into the uncertainty around predicted values at a given point. Read more here. 

What books, papers, and people have had the greatest influence on you and your career?

I love Dan Simmons’ Hyperion Cantos series, which got me hooked on science fiction. Michael Frank (my PhD advisor) and EJ Wagenmakers first introduced me to Bayesian statistics. The Stan guys, who developed the NUTS sampler and black-box variational inference, have had a huge influence on PyMC3. They continue to push the boundaries of applied Bayesian statistics. I also really like the work coming out of the labs of David Blei and Max Welling. We hope that PyMC3 will also be an influential tool on the productivity and capabilities on data scientists across the world.

How do you think data and AI will change the financial services industry over the next few years? What should all hedge fund managers know?

I think it’s already had a big impact on finance! And as the mountains of data continue to grow, so will the advantage computers have over humans in their ability to combine and extract information out of that data. Data scientists, with their ability to pull that data together and build the predictive models will be the center of attention. That is really at the core of what we’re doing at Quantopian. We believe that by giving people everywhere on earth a platform that’s state-of-the-art for free we can find that talent before anyone else can.

#probabilistic programming #data science #interview #bayesian statistics

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It is vital to discuss how to take care of a skipped dose together with your health care provider. Will not consider excess medication to create up to the missed dose.

Patients dealt with with PROVIGIL confirmed a statistically considerable enhancement in a chance to stay awake in comparison with placebo-treated patients as calculated because of the MWT at remaining check out (Desk 2). A statistically important larger range of patients taken care of with PROVIGIL confirmed improvement in General scientific ailment as rated by the CGI-C scale at closing take a look at (Table 3).

Should you avoided driving as well as other risky functions because of your sleep problem, usually do not start out undertaking these things to do once more with out speaking with your medical doctor Even when you experience much more alert.

A number of other medications might also connect with modafinil, so be sure to notify your health care provider about the many prescription drugs you might be getting, even These that do not surface on this record. Your health practitioner might require to change the doses of the prescription drugs or keep track of you very carefully for Unwanted side effects.

Its off-label takes advantage of have contributed to an ongoing discussion on how significantly to force the human human body in the use of medications.

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Some outcomes of PROVIGIL about the brain are the same as other medicines termed “stimulants”. These results might result in abuse or dependence on PROVIGIL.

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