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but-what-if-it-was-a-turtle · 1 year

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!!!MASTERPOST!!!

Welcome to "But what if it was a turtle?", the hub for all our weird adventures and mishaps! This post is here to guide you to our blogs and what is and isn't allowed, as well as the story so far!

Hamato Raphael (aka Raph, aka Red) - (tba)

Hamato Leonardo (aka Leo, aka Leon, aka Neon Leon, aka Primetime, aka Pepino, aka Blue) - (tba)

Hamato Donatello (aka Donnie, aka Donald, aka Don, aka Dee/D, aka Orthello Von Ryan, aka Purple) - (tba)

Hamato Michaelangelo (aka Mikey, aka Angelo, aka Michael, aka Orange) - (tba)

Hamato Yoshi (aka Lou Jitsu, aka Splinter, aka Snuggle Muffin Beefcake) - (tba)

April O'Neil - (tba)

Sunita - (tba)

Carol O'Neil - (tba)

Mayhem (aka Agent 46) - (tba)

Frankenfoot (aka Buddy) - (tba)

Piebald - (tba)

Baron Draxum (aka Barry) - (tba)

Huginn & Muninn (aka Draxum's shoulder pads) - (tba)

Sloppy Joseph - (tba)

Cassandra Jones (aka Casey) - (tba)

Casey Jones (aka Case) - (tba)

Big Mama (aka Sassy Sugar Badger) - (tba)

Big Mama's Assistant - (tba)

Amphisbaena - (tba)

Cortex - (tba)

Sprite - (tba)

Señor Hueso (aka Hueso) - (tba)

Hueso Jr. - (tba)

Capitán Piel (aka Piel) - (tba)

Clem - (tba)

Mrs. Cuddles (aka Cuddles) - (tba)

Loathsome Leonard - (tba)

Dastardly Danny - (tba)

Malicious Mickey - (tba)

Loose Lips Malinowski - (tba)

Hypno-Pottamus (aka Hypno) - (tba)

Warren Stone - (tba)

Mayor Mira - (tba)

Repo Mantis - (tba)

Meat Sweats (aka Rupert Swaggart) - (tba)

Todd (aka Nails von Melee) - (tba)

//mod (aka Lulu, aka Lu) - @lulu-nightbon (main), @neurodivergent-gremlin (alt)

??? - (tba) [ask box closed!]

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!!Rules!!

1. Please do not send anything explicitly nsfw- these blogs portray underage characters, and nsfw content of them is really fuckin weird! (this includes gore- no matter how good or engaging it might be, we have to be mindful of the other anons! implications are a very fine line and will be decided on a case by case basis, and mod will try to tag potentially triggering content! however, mod is not perfect, so if they miss something, please remind him!)

2. Please do not harass others! While some of you may have your various issues with the turtles and co., please do not take it out on mod or the other askers, as they are actual people! As well, any bigots- homophobes, transphobes, antisemitics, anti-autism, the like- will not be acknowledged! mod vixself is genderqueer and most definitely not straight, has clinically diagnosed autism, depression, and anxiety, as well as a history of anorexic behaviors, and traumatic experiences. while fel may fare well against just seeing/hearing about certain things, and can stand comments being launched at them, he does have a limit, and his limits may be higher than other anons. these blogs may be a bit, but there is a line that shouldn't be crossed, so please do be mindful and respectful!

3. Don't be afraid to use your oc's in asks! The events of the canon show and movie are entirely unchanged, so any previous histories will be void and null here! Some may be formed, but these blogs take place within a year after the movie (specific numbers will be posted to this after a hot second of research, so these blogs will not be responding to asks until a timeline is established!), so be aware that backstories for your oc's may be ignored! also be aware that mod likely does not know your oc's backstory, so feel free to type it up and tag him if you want them to understand something going on in your ask that has to do with the backstory. also, be aware that some nicknames are off-limits. unless you are running an rp blog of a character that would use said specific nickname, you are not that character, so do not use that nickname.

4. "But what if it was a turtle?" is not responsible for content sent into them! If askers send in content that crosses the nsfw, triggering, or harassment line, do not expect it to be answered! We do not want our askers to be heckled, so we will put our foot down if content sent in does not follow the rules!

5. Please be mindful that shipping is a tentative area! We're sure you all have your own headcanons, desires, and child oc's, but, once again, these are underage characters! If you are really dead-set and hellbent on a ship, you're going to have to work for it, and we can't guarantee you won't have competition or that anyone will be able to achieve such a feat! Of course, we are aware of the subsect of you that may send in shipping material to REACT to in order to see how torturous it may be for said character. This is going to be accepted on a case by case basis, and please do remember that these must apply to the other rules to be answered! However, asks that do not make the cut are more likely to be referenced as an independent post (though that may not be a good thing, so don't be getting ideas).

6. No T-Cest. No one wants to see that. We don't care if you'd like to see the Hamatos be tortured by seeing this. It's not allowed.

7. Have fun! That's what these blogs are for!

8. Rise baby, Rise baby! (leo insisted on this. donnie warned him.)

rules sourced from The Turtles And Their Colors!

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STORYTIME!

... it's empty. we haven't started yet.

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iam93percentstardust · 3 years

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2020 Fic Recs Part 1

Hello everyone! If you saw @ad1thi‘s recent fic rec post going around, you know she got the idea from me. I had the idea a few months ago of doing a roundup of my favorite fics from 2020 at the end of the year because, let’s be honest with ourselves, I read a lot over the last twelve months, partially because this year, I really started settling into my own in fandom but mostly because this year was an absolute shitshow and I needed a distraction from everything going on outside my tiny apartment. I know it’s been a hard year for everyone and while there’s hope that next year might be a little better, there’s no guarantee so here are some of the fics that helped me get through this year. I hope you all like them as well.

Fics are organized by month and range over a variety of fandoms and ships. Since some of these are multi-chapters, I’ve organized them according to what date the last chapter posted. This got a little long so I’ve broken this up into 4 parts to be reblogged over the next two weeks.

January

Hope for the Holidays by @aurumacadicus (Winteriron)

Tony never expected to share Christmas with the man who killed his parents, but he's here now, so they should make the best of it.

Woodash and iron and leather by LokelaniRose (Geraskier)

Jaskier is the only person Geralt's ever been around who doesn't smell of fear

Happiness: A Song in Three Parts by @newtypeshadow (Stuckony)

Tony's just a kid when he first hears the music. He's human, no one knows werewolves exist yet, and there's no sexy beefcake couple Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes coming out as werewolves and giving interviews to the press to explain the melody Tony heard sporadically during childhood is what werewolves—and the human mates of werewolves—hear when their soulmate is within a few miles of them.

By the time he finds out what the music means, he hasn't heard a note in years.

And when he finally hears it again, he's busy running for his life.

Heart in Hand by janonny (Stevetony)

Steve had been thinking — that was all he was doing, thinking, not moping, as Bucky described it — about the best way to make his feelings clear to Tony. He wanted it to be perfect. He needed it to be the best demonstration of sincere interest that Tony had ever received.

Bucky called it procrastinating, but Steve called it strategizing.

And this Courting Ceremony? It was perfect.

Now he just needed to figure out what to get Tony as a Courting gift. And what to wear. And what to say. And what to do.

Or the story where Tony, an Omega, holds a much belated Courting Ceremony. Steve joins up and loses his mind a little.

something i can treasure by theredtailedhawkwithjewelsforeyes (Geraskier)

Jaskier would not call himself a thief. But, well- he is elbow-deep in someone’s saddlebags, pulling up handfuls of pretty little bottles. They’re all filled up with jewel-bright potions, corked delicately, and they almost seem to hum in his hands.

Then, suddenly-

There’s the sharp point of a sword at his neck.

Lock & Key by sablier_bloque (Geraskier)

“Geralt, it’s not what it looks like.”

“Really?” he asked. He clenched his jaw before offering a sharp, mirthless smile. “Because it looks like you got caught fucking the mayor’s wife, and now I’m not getting paid!”

“Well,” he laughed nervously, looking anywhere but up. “When you put it that way.”

In which Jaskier suggests a chastity device to prove himself a worthy travel companion, and of course, gives Geralt the key.

February

A hard curl of satisfaction by LokelaniRose (Geraskier & Yenalt in V-shaped polyamory)

Geralt was taught that a witcher is only good for one thing

Half Agony, Half Hope by @no-gorms (Stevetony)

Following the Battle of New York, the Avengers Initiative kicks into high gear under the leadership of Steve Rogers, i.e. Captain America. Tony didn’t mean to become part of this initiative, but it makes sense to sign on due to his experience with SHIELD and Rhodey’s War Machine suits.

The upside: Tony’s tech can be used in a widespread and meaningful way to help protect people. The downside: the last time Tony saw Steve, he’d rejected Steve’s proposal of marriage and broke his heart, leading to almost ten years of the two having no contact whatsoever. Until now.

when the bones are good by SummerFrost (Geraskier)

Julian is six when he realizes that he's got an astounding capacity for being an annoying bastard. He's seventeen when he finally decides to lean in.

Where There’s a Witcher by ghostinthelibrary (Geraskier)

Jaskier is a twentysomething recently unemployed journalist and amateur musician looking for his big break. So when he’s saved from the jaws of a wyvern by the infamous Butcher of Blaviken, Geralt of Rivia, he comes up with a brilliant idea: he’ll follow the Witcher around and sing about their exploits. He’ll gain fame and fortune and Geralt will get a much needed image rehab. Everyone wins.

Unless Jaskier goes and falls in love like an idiot.

my body bruises at your touch by brawlite (Geraskier)

To lure a monster out, Geralt ties Jaskier up, making him look like easy prey. Surprisingly, Jaskier finds himself enjoying his time as bait a bit more than expected.

Do it Again by thisgirlsays22 (Geraskier)

By the twentieth time Geralt has gone through the loop, he decides to just throw himself off the cliff’s edge after Borch.

He wakes up to his twenty-first attempt.

“Fuck.”

The Song of the White Wolf by sospes (Geraskier)

“It’s a wolf, not a dog,” Geralt says flatly.

“It’s hurt.”

“It’s a wolf.”

“I’m helping it,” Ciri says, ignoring him, and turns back to the wolf.

But when is a wolf not a wolf? When it's everyone's favourite humble bard, of course!

March

Even Steel Blades Need Fire by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Geraskier)

Jaskier's given a lot to Geralt over the years, but there's one tiny, insignificant, minor molehill of a thing he's kept back from him.

Namely that Jaskier isn't human.

Mission Accomplished by @riotwritesthings (Winteriron)

Tony has had a terrible, rotten, no good day. Fortunately, he knows exactly what he needs to feel better.

With a Conquering Air by inexplicifics (Geraskier)

From the kinkmeme: AU Warlord!Geralt receives Tribute!Jaskier as a sacrifice to appease him in every way possible. Jaskier has no choice on the matter and he’s fully aware of the awful rumours that have spread about Geralt and his ruthless conquests. (But we all know those aren’t legit.) A classic angst with a happy ending please! A dash of smut to heal those scars and a sprinkle of new found love!

Jaskier arrives at Kaer Morhen knowing his family gave him up without a second thought, and absolutely sure that the dreaded Warlord of the North will value him even less than his own blood did. But the White Wolf and his pack are not what Jaskier expected...and if he's unreasonably lucky, Kaer Morhen might become far more of a home than Lettenhove ever was.

play out a spell in your sequence of chords (to inspire and sharpen our rusted swords) by AceSailorKoshkaRayn

Geralt cocked his head to the side curiously to regard the chittering fox caught in the hunter's trap. The beast had deep chestnut fur and eerily bright blue eyes. He knelt, and the creature hissed at him, baring his teeth in fear.

"I mean you no harm," he rumbled, hands palm-up. His swords were at his campsite, regardless. He reached forward slowly, and the fox didn't move, though it's teeth remained bared. It was a simple matter to pry open the trap, and the fox leapt away, chattering its teeth at him. Their eyes met for a long moment, amber to fantastical blue, and the fox dashed off.

Sighing faintly, hands resting on his knees, Geralt bowed his head tiredly. He rolled his neck to crack it, and rose to his feet to shuffle his way back to his camp.

Set out neatly next to his bedroll were three cleanly gutted rabbits, and Geralt paused in surprise. Roach whinnied softly, and stamped a hoof. A crown of golden wheat rested primly between her ears.

Ah. Fae, then. Services paid for services rendered. Hopefully the fae would consider them even, now, but something in him doubted it.

#fic recs #2020 wrap up

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stetervault · 4 years

Note

Steter fics from 2019/any Steter fics you feel like reccing

2019 Steter fics, let’s see… Here’s a bunch of random ones I’ve enjoyed over the past year:

Where I Want to Be by Tahlruil

Peter wasn’t exactly surprised when he ‘woke up’ in hell.

He’d known his wounds were fatal as soon as he’d gotten them. In truth he’d never expected to still be standing after his quest for revenge had been completed. What mattered was taking the Argent family down with him and making sure they died before he did. Peter had saved Kate and Gerard for last; they had looked into his eyes as they bled out. They had known that he was the instrument of their family’s doom and he couldn’t ask for more than that.

You Are A Call To Motion by neglectedtuesday

Here at Hale Industries ® we don’t believe in limiting one’s pleasure. That’s why we’re dedicated to bringing our clientele the best in Jackbot technology. Whether you’re a busy dom in need of a service sub or a baby boy desperate for an Alien Daddy, Hale Industries ® has the perfect bot for you. Built to your specifications, our customer service team is devoted to building a bot that will never fail to meet your needs. And if you discover something new you want to try, you can subscribe to our monthly upgrade packages in order to add or remove kinks at your leisure.

Hale Industries ® - The Only Limits Are The Ones We Place On Ourselves.

Here Begins the Land of Phantoms by Triangulum

Stiles is four and scared of the dark. There are things in the shadows of his room, whispering to him, showing him terrible, violent things.

There’s something in the basement, too. He can feel it while he’s sitting on the old, worn sofa, its presence curling around the edges of the room. He thinks he can see something sometimes, a mass shimmering in the corner, but he always looks away. He doesn’t want to know.

Peter is a demon that lives in the Stilinskis’ basement.

From Ashes Rebuilt by ambersagen

“You shouldn’t be alive,” Stiles finally admitted. He sounded sorry, smelled like anxiety and hunched in on himself as he fell back from Peter to land in the dented chair. “I heard the doctors telling your niece. She wasn’t quiet about it, and no one cares if I’m around anyway so I heard the whole thing, about your burns. I snuck in to see you.”

“Like a sideshow freak,” Peter sneered, starting to understand.

“Like a miracle,” Stiles corrected.

MCSZ-LW by Bunnywest

Mayor Whittemore gives John his widest politician’s smile. “It’s one of the best- a Halebot. You work so hard for the city, and with Claudia gone five years now, we thought you’d appreciate some company. A service bot is perfect. I mean, you deserve more than the standard gift certificate. “

“Would have preferred the gift card,” John huffs under his breath, but he plasters on a smile and makes all the right noises, because this is an elected position, and as jackbots go, Halebots really are the best. He just doesn’t know quite what he’s going to do with it.

Baby Whisperer by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

“What. Is that.”

Scott looked up at him, apprehensive.

“Her name’s Lily.”

Stiles stared at the fuzzy head peeking out of the papoose.

“Her. Her name. That is a real live human baby. Oh my God-”

“Actually I don’t know if she’s human?” Scott said with a confused frown. “Becca didn’t say.”

“Who the fuck is Becca?!”

Care for Me, As I’ve Never Known by lavenderlotion

“Why…why did you offer me the bite?” Stiles asked quietly, the cover of night and the hum of the Jeep’s engine giving him courage he wouldn’t usually have.

Peter hummed thoughtfully, taking a turn smoothly. “That is quite the question you’re asking. I’m not sure the answer is one you would be happy to hear.”

A Love for Millennia (a story never told) by OneSmartChicken

Stiles had to go into the woods that night. It didn’t make sense. She was lured by the sense of adventure, but there was a more that dragged at her.

Or: Stiles is the only one to realize she and Peter are soulmates. She doesn’t mention it.

Wind Chimes by wynnebat

“Why are you here?” Peter asks, his brow furrowing in confusion. “I can understand curiosity, but Stiles, you have visited me nearly every day for years. It can’t be that simple.”

Stiles shrugs. It’s both simple and not. For him, who grew up with the wind, who is inseparable from it in the best of ways, it is absurdly simple. For Peter, who doesn’t trust the wind as Stiles does, it may not be. “The wind says you’re mine. That’s all I need.”

Robber Foxes (Have No Fears) by RayShippouUchiha (WIP)

In the end all Stiles really has left is his dad, a lonely house, the key and deed to the loft, and a chest filled up with emptiness.

A void, yawning right behind his sternum.

That and the laughter of a fox trapped right beneath his skin, echoing in the hollows of his skull, whispering behind his teeth.

Stiles should have known it wasn’t over.

Magic stains everything it touches after all.

Keep You (Safe) Within my Shadow by lavenderlotion

Stiles has never been scared of the dark. The shadows are his friends.

Into Eden by GracieBirdie

Stiles deciding to bring home the stray alpha he’d hit with his jeep probably made him certifiable, if it hadn’t turned out Peter was as crazy as he was.

Trust in the End by ShebaRen, Tahlruil

Stiles had always kind of assumed that the end of the world was going to be full of fire and panicking people. Nuclear warfare had pretty much been his guess as to how it would all go, but he could be flexible on that. His only certainty was that it would be man-made, because people always messed things up.

He hadn’t expected the end to be full of snow and freezing cold. He hadn’t expected to be so alone while it was happening, hadn’t thought he would be making a trek from California all the way up to - if his maps and bearings were right - Washington State. He definitely hadn’t expected for it all to happen while his parents were away on a trip for their second honeymoon.

Thankfully he’d fallen in with a wolf who had saved his life and then hung around like a bad penny afterward.

Making Marks by Udunie

Stiles woke to his phone ringing at four in the afternoon, because apparently, he’d never even heard of a healthy sleep schedule before, and also; hated himself.

He blindly found it in the pocket of his jeans thrown haphazardly to the floor, and blinked at it for a few seconds before picking it up.

“‘Sup, Lyds?” he asked, just because he knew she hated the nickname, and she did wake him up.

“I’m killing Jackson,” she announced with unusual honesty. To be fair, any kind of honesty was unusual from her, considering her and Stiles only reconnected recently - and it wasn’t like they were too close in high school either.

“Congratulations?”

You Just Got Ghosted! by Ragga

“What’s your name, angel?” little Stiles murmured even as his eyes fell closed, quickly losing his battle against sleep.

Stiles smiled. It was a little sad but also heavy with the knowledge that what he was doing was the right thing—heavy with the knowledge he didn’t deserve the moniker bestowed upon him.

“You can call me Mietek.”

Or the one where there’s time travel, feels abound, two Stiles in one timeline, and one of them stuck somewhere between the planes of existence. Yet a ghost can still manage to save the day and get the girl. Or the wolf. Manly wolf. Because Peter.

Toothed Morality (Send Me Flowers) by rightsidethru

“The world is a dark place, moje kochanie; it is one filled with monsters, always ready to gobble you whole. Be wary of the promises they give: seal every vow with blood and bone and Name. A True Name, one that will bind them to their word.”

“But how will I know that they’re telling the truth, Matka? Couldn’t they lie…?”

“You’ll know, mały płomień.”

Everyone is King When There’s No One Left to Pawn by Bittah_Wizard

The AU where Stiles is an old trickster—just not the one you’re thinking of.

Beefcake Mountain by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

Shortly after moving back to Beacon Hills, the left hand of the Hale Pack opened a text from a mysterious number.

“Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.”

What the f—

Wild Creatures by neglectedtuesday

The treaty is signed while Stiles is being laced into his wedding corset. Ink splatters parchment as a maid pulls the ribbons, tighter and tighter. Stiles’ breath and future are taken away, all to save a village. He is a sacrifice more than a bride. The maid assists in fixing a choker around Stiles throat. Her hands are cold despite the roaring fire in the grate. The choker is a string of blood red rubies, they reflect the firelight with a wet shine like an open wound.

First to Know by Twisted_Mind

They fold to their knees in the vee of his legs. His hands cradle their cheek and the back of their neck, and they lean into the touch, eyes closing. “It’s mine.”

“What’s yours, darling?”

They drag in a shaky breath, and look up into the face of the man they love. “The magic. It’s mine. My spark did this.”

Chances by SpookyMiscreant

Supernaturals have soulmarks, everyone knew that, but it was ignorant to think that supernaturals only fell in love with supernaturals. It wasn’t necessarily rare for humans to have marks, but not common either. Supernatural kids all anxiously await the full moon after their fifth birthday, but human kids let the full moon pass without much anticipation.Stiles’ mother had made him stay up that night in his underwear as she searched him with a flashlight, intent to see if he was supernatural like his father. The inherent problem here was that Stiles was then and always will be covered head to toe in moles, freckles, and birthmarks.

walk walk (fashion baby) by rightsidethru

Derek shrugged a shoulder and moved the chopsticks through the broth. “Cora’s decided that she wants to transfer out to Berkley, and Uncle Peter has decided to relocate here again. Unfortunately, his reputation is preceding him and not even the three grand we’re offering for the photoshoot is enough to get a model to stay.”

At hearing the amount of money that Derek was actually offering to pay someone for one temporary job, Stiles choked on his noodles and began wheezing for breath as he went into a coughing fit. “Three? Three grand? Three thousand dollars??”

Three thousand dollars would be enough to pay for his rent for the next few months. Or—pay for the upcoming month and give Stiles a chance to buy some of the more advanced books on magical theory that Elder Potter was willing to let Stiles borrow but not keep. Being able to buy his own copies… Stiles’ fingers twitched in almost immediate booklust.

“I’ll do it,” Stiles announced.

Cause I Want You (all to myself) by LadySlytherin

Stiles has an odd habit of licking Peter, seemingly at random and without much thought. Peter takes a lot longer than he should to figure out why.

Six Times Stiles Stilinski Licked Peter Hale…and one time Peter licked Stiles instead.

If I Could Kiss You Again by Triangulum

“Summer plans?” Peter asks, eyes on where Isaac is now trying to inch along the ceiling beam toward the wall where he can slide down a pipe.

“Leaving for Stanford in September. Saving the world and working in between now and then,” Stiles says. “Why, gonna miss me?”

“Considering I’ll be left alone with Derek? Yes,” Peter says.

“You’ll have Cora,” Stiles says. “And Isaac will be here to make up a few high school credits.”

There’s a shriek and a thud as Isaac loses his grip, falling on top of Erica and Boyd, sending them all to the ground in a heap.

“Yes,” Peter says flatly. “Thank god for that.”

Five times Stiles kisses Peter and one time Peter kisses him.

Orbital Distance by neglectedtuesday

Artemis, the capital city of the Moon, where movies are born and stars are made. The crown jewel of American cinema and simultaneously Hollywood’s biggest rival. The money may be dollars, it may be counted as the 51st state but the studios run this city, making cinema and waging war. No real bloodshed but equally cutthroat in its own way. Peter has devoured article after article about the industry, from in-depth journalism to gossip rags, desperate for every detail, every scandal, every glorious moon moment.

Hooverville by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

Town to town, train to train, tent to tent.

By 1932, the dust had begun to blow and the jobs were gone.

Anonymity was a byproduct of looking for work, which made it both necessary and convenient.

Stiles had enough secrets of his own to know to look the other way when he saw something that shouldn’t be possible.

The ghost of a tail giving enough balance to disembark a moving train.

Near silent Latin whispered on the edge of a tent encampment.

A flash of burning eyes.

He had more than enough to worry about without adding the oddities of others, and besides- having unusually sharp teeth certainly didn’t make a man worse than the ones running from the wife and kids they couldn’t feed.

So Stiles kept his observations to himself. He kept his everything to himself.

Until he met a man. One with eyes so blue they seemed to glow- and then they did.

Stiles tried to look away, but for the first time he was stopped.

“Don’t be like that sweetheart. Aren’t you curious?”

Rhythm of the War Drums by HyperLittleNori (Shiguresan)

The foreboding song of the drums rumbled through the stands above, made his heart, his blood pound with their increasing rhythm. He’d seen this so many times now, heard the sickening, morbid excitement of the rabble. He readied himself for the carnage, but even nearly a year after he’d first stood in this spot, it still filled him with dread.

As always, he watched the sandy arena through the barred steel gates. They vibrated with the movement, with the almost deafening sounds of the crowd and the drums. A sea of guards stood at his back, but they were not there for him…

Two Worlds Collided by Bittah_Wizard

It was always meant to be Stiles and Peter.

Always.

A Stranger Comes to Town by Bunnywest, DiscontentedWinter, Twisted_Mind

Peter claps his hands together once. “Right! Let’s start getting to know each other, shall we? We can all take turns introducing ourselves, and explaining who we are as writers. I’ll go first.” He stays standing, and spreads his arms wide for a moment. “As I hope you all know, I’m bestselling author Peter Hale. If there’s been a terrible mistake and you didn’t mean to be here, this is your chance to run.”

He gives another charming smile to the tittering biddies on his right. He sketches a dramatic little bow, and then goes on. “Twice a year, I come out here to teach The Masterclass on writing, providing new talent,” he winks at the MFA-wannabes on the left, tucking his hands in his pockets, “with a safe environment to share your work and equip yourselves with the tools for success. I’m looking forward to getting to know you all this weekend.”

Keep You Like An Oath by Green

After 7 years in prison, Peter has important matters to attend to — and at the top of his list is the young mate he left behind, unclaimed for their own protection. But, for all his good intentions, Stiles has always needed him — now more than ever.

Too Much Of A Good Thing by GracieBirdie

Stiles can’t just leave Boyd and Erica chained up in a hunter’s basement, and if the only person willing to listen to him when he asks for help is a formerly dead psychopath? Well, Stiles supposes he could do worse. But of course nothing in Stiles’ life is ever just that simple…

All The Things We’d Do by GracieBirdie

Stiles’ time travel spell doesn’t work out quite right but he figures he should make the best of it, starting with Laura Hale.

The Promises Of Yesterday, The Pledges Of Tomorrow by ShippersList

Stiles is a kid with serious concentration issues and definitely not a guide—let alone a guide strong enough to calm down a feral Sentinel wolf. It’s just not possible.

Thighs Verse by Bunnywest

I’ll give you what you need, pretty boy. And you can call me Sir.

The hairs on the back of Stiles’s neck prickle at that, and his dick throbs. He clicks on the profile and the picture that pops up is UN-FUCKING-FAIR. Jesus Christ on a bicycle, nobody should look like that. The man’s staring into the camera, a smile that’s almost a sneer on his face. And what a face it is. Intense blue eyes, cheekbones like cut glass, and a strong jawline covered in the perfect amount of stubble. His neck, what Stiles can see of it, is thickly muscled, and Stiles can see the beginnings of a tattoo that travels down. There’s the tiniest scattering of grey at his temples, and Stiles breathes out, “Oh yes, Sir,” as he drinks in the details on the profile.

Or, the one in which Stiles experiments with Grindr, and finds his Sir.

The Boy Sleuth by Shey

Stiles is eight when he discovers a box of his mom’s old Nancy Drew Mysteries in the back of the guest bedroom closet.

Magnificent Mischief by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

“Marvelous Miss and the Magnificent Mischief!” the carnival barker shouted just outside the corridor with all the food tents. “Come see Miss Paige do amazing tricks with her talking raven! He not only speaks, but he jokes! He teases! He philosophizes!”

Escaping by Green

“We have to go. Now, Peter.”

Peter’s holding his apartment door open, standing in shock, looking at Stiles. “What? How do you even know where I live?”

The Chasm and the Clash by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

Stiles has dreams of the Alpha after he dies. It makes no sense. He didn’t know Peter before… did he?

Did Peter know him?

And why does his head hurt so much?

#ask #anonymous #steter #teen wolf #fanfic rec #rec list

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strangepixels · 4 years

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Erwin: Here to take my lunch money Teddy?

Military Guy: Hey, you call him Mayor.

Erwin: Wow, where do you keep his water dish Mayor Teddy?

Mayor: I warned you before Pries, mind your own damn business. Quit pokin’ around, same goes for the newcomer. Heh, I always knew you were a pansy. Tsk tsk tsk, you gays are a stain on this community.

Erwin: *laughs* Oh Ted, your knuckles must hurt from dragging so much. Why don’t you and your beefcake square dance back to town hall and pretend to be important.

Mayor: You’re gonna pay for that you little shit!!

#tw homphobia #tw violence #obligatory nerd gets beat up scene #im kidding hdhfsjfhkj sorry erwin #ts4 #ts4 story #ts4 gameplay #ts4 strangerville #covarrubias #strangerville

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maplefalls · 4 years

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that’s me - mayor beefcake

#acnl #animal crossing #new leaf #sterling #snowbell #mine #nov 2018

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border2borderentertainment · 2 years

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Pat Rocco is such an important part of gay history. Here he is with SF mayor Harvey Milk. Watch "Pat Rocco Dared" to learn more. #FilmFestival #PatRocco #PatRoccoDared #GayHistory #GayFilm #lgbtq #Hollywood #Beefcake #Filmmaker #FilmHistory #Documentary https://www.border2border.ca/patroccodared https://www.instagram.com/p/CdLtuJZrFBx/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#filmfestival #patrocco #patroccodared #gayhistory #gayfilm #lgbtq #hollywood #beefcake #filmmaker #filmhistory #documentary

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uncomicmas · 3 years

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Adelanto de CRIMSON CAGE el nuevo comic de AWA que mezcla Shakespeare y Lucha libre de John Lees (Hotell) y Alex Cormack (Sea of Sorrows) El mundo de la lucha libre profesional está a punto de chocar con Shakespeare en Crimson Cage, un nuevo cómic que mezcla la acción de alto vuelo del negocio con la locura y el misticismo de MacBeth. Y lo crea o no, el resultado es demasiado bueno para que los fanáticos de cualquiera de los dos lo puedan dejar pasar. La nueva serie de AWA Studios puede sonar demasiado inesperada o demasiado perfecta para creerse: una reinvención de Macbeth, la trágica historia de Shakespeare de feroz fortuna y ambición, con el telón de fondo de la escena de lucha territorial de la Luisiana de los 80, y contada por voces, cuya familiaridad con la historia de la lucha libre profesional es evidente desde el primer panel. Inspirada en personas como Ricky Steamboat, Brutus Beefcake, Ric Flair y más, esta nueva historia del ambicioso 'Chuck Frenzy' cuenta con una reunión del equipo Sink de John Lees (Hotell) y Alex Cormack (Sea of Sorrows). El cabeza de cartel de una promoción de lucha libre local se lanza a la grandeza, cuando un encuentro casual con tres brujas misteriosas en el pantano de Luisiana lo lleva a la mayor oportunidad de su vida. Pero para reclamarlo, tendrá que cambiar el curso del destino ... haciendo lo impensable. Fuente @awastudiosofficial #creatorowned #comics #indiecomics #art #makecomics #indiecomicsart #comix #characterdesign #illustration #originalcomic #comicart #comicbooks #webcomic #character #drawing #comicpage #indie #comic #indiecreator #makingcomics #comicmaker #createcomics #design #drawings #igdaily #wrestling #wwe #prowrestling #smackdown #NXT https://www.instagram.com/p/CTjnxe7rVTj/?utm_medium=tumblr

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ticktockstuck · 6 years

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There’s certainly some benefits to living in Tick-Tock Town for Bronya compared to her situation in canon. As a mauveblood she has no duty to the brooding caverns or to a nursery (though she does do volunteer work at orphanages in her spare time), and Tick-Tock Town has no heiress or empress to place imperial pressure down on her to act a certain way (just a Mayor and their eight Vice-Mayors).

That being said she’s still fiercely loyal to the girls in the Grubsitter’s Club and would do anything to keep them safe from harm. Thanks to the actions of the ignoble Agency of Grubsitters, Bronya’s still got some societal pressure on her too; whenever the Agency is involved in some scandalous events or their less-than-optimal grubsitting techniques are exposed it reflects poorly on the entire grubsitting industry. She feels an immense amount of pressure on herself to keep the Club as publicly clean and virtuous as possible to make up for any damage the Agency ends up causing them.

This has been getting increasingly rough ever since the Agency started ramping up the turf war to where actual casualties were cropping up, and the Club started gaining a reputation in the papers as being dangerous to join. Her current beefcake status is a direct response to this; in the wake of the incident she felt like she wasn’t able to do enough to protect the girls in the Club and started working out to compensate. It’s worked out in the long run and the Club’s certainly seen the benefits of having a massive matron like her but Bronya herself is still working through some issues of feeling “not good enough” as a result of everything she has to bear.

#ticktockstuck #bronya ursama #character notes

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quest-draws · 6 years

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Excerpt from The Story of the Seven: Reconstructed, an archival initiative seeking to recreate Madame Lucretia’s original notes with as much accuracy as possible. The following has been compiled by comparing post-Story accounts from dozens of dedicated chroniclers, with oversight from Madame Lucretia and the available members of the Starblaster’s crew.

Excerpt begins

Cycle 36, day 6

We’ve finally found a sign of civilization, as well as plausible evidence that we are all blind idiots. As we flew over yet more icy foothills, Merle (Of all of us!) noticed that one of the mounds appeared to be smoking. Under more careful examination we realized that these ‘foothills’ were actually snowed-covered buildings, meaning it is quite likely the other foothills we’ve seen the past few days were also actually buildings.

We, the best and brightest of our deceased world, saviors of multiple realities, the last and only line of defense against the relentless malevolence of the Hunger, wasted nearly a week looking for signs of life when there were entire cities directly under our hull. At the risk of sounding pessimistic, I think this world may be fucked.

Now that we’ve realized our mistake, Captain wants us to backtrack and see if we can find a settlement closer to Lup and Barry’s original prediction of the Lights trajectory. However, Lup’s trying to convince him that we should do some reconnaissance in this village first.

LT: Look, there’s no point going backwards in this fuckin’ blizzard if we can just-

CD: -We are way, way off, the- they’re your calculations? Do you-

BB: [crosstalk] They’re our calculations, Lu

LT: [crosstalk] I know.

TT: [crosstalk] You calculated ‘em. calc-calculated the shit outta-

[LT puts up a hand to silence the others]

LT: Look I’m not dunking on my calculations, cause they’re tight as shit, ‘natch; outside looks like someone put a flock of doves through a woodchipper. You wanna fly through that?

CD: [crosstalk] I’m not-

MB: [crosstalk] Gross?

LT: [crosstalk] Been flying six days straight, you wanna keep, keep flyin’-

CD: I don’t wanna fly through the scenario you just made me visualize, no. This is just snow.

[MB raises his hand kind of awkwardly. Mags, c’mon, you’re not 12]

MB: Uuum, Cap’nport? No offense but you look kinda beat, are you sure?

CD: Wh- excuse me. Are you questioning my piloting abilities, Magnus?

MB: [crosstalk] ‘Course not, just-

CD: [crosstalk] I’ve flown us through, through literal eldritch death pillars -

MH: [crosstalk] ...do look a little tired -

MB: I know!

[captain gets out of the pilots seat, oh dear]

CD: What was that? Merle?

LT: It’s been nearly a week, Captain. You haven’t slept.

CD: Neither have you!

LT: Yeah, and I’m pissed about it!

BB: look everyone’s a little frazzled-

MH: I’m fine.

BB: [crosstalk] Merle, oh my-

LT: [crosstalk] Merle!

TT: [crosstalk] Hahaha holy fuck Merle! Not the time?

CD: You know what, okay, fine! Okay, we’ll vote. Let’s vote. Who thinks we should go down there?

[Lup, Mag LT, MB, and BB all put up their hands]

CD: All right, and who says we should turn back?

[CD, TT, and MH put up their hands]

CD: Lucretia.

TT: Lu- Baby-Lu, fuckin’ put dowait I forgot to put myhandupfuck

LC: I’m not answering to that, but I do thin k

[TT attepts to take my fuckin

Taako tried to take my journal, and while I understand his intentions it’s imperi

BABY LU NEEDS TO STOP WRITING OUR CONVERSATIONS IN REAL TIME AND PAY ATTENTION TO THE WORLD AROUND HER

BABY LU WILL GET HER JOURNAL BACK WHEN THE GROWN UPS DECIDE WHAT WERE DOING IN THIS FROZEN FUCKING HELLSCAPE

After my journal was so rudely stolen, we decided that it would be best to have some of the crew investigate the settlement while the others got some rest. Captain landed the Starblaster just out of sight (not far with the weather) and Lup, Magnus and I made our way into town on foot. We were ushered into the smoking building Merle first noticed almost as soon as we were in sight of it. It’s apparently some sort of tavern/town hall, with one long, open room punctuated by tables and some truly massive support beams.

Chiana, the innkeeper (or possibly Mayor? Chief? They are definitely some measure of authority figure) was quite unsettled by our sudden appearance. It’s apparently unusual for people to travel between communities at this time of year, especially in the middle of the night (which it apparently is. We seriously lost track of time with the storm blocking out the suns). They’ve insisted on putting us up until the storm settles some. We have of course accepted, but we decided that it might be best not to mention our true intentions here. They were spooked just by us appearing in a blizzard, we don’t need to bring up the rest of it. We notified Capn’port that we’ll be staying a few days to gather info, and since then Lup and Magnus have been having quite the time chatting with the assorted patrons/guests.

This really is quite a spectacular building. The ceiling is only about 7 ft. high (Lup and Mags can both touch the ceiling), but it’s so wide and long it doesn’t feel cramped. It’s hard to estimate how large it is exactly; the hall is a patchwork of additions, none of which quite match up. Here an extra nook were the hall was widened, there a slight indent were an old support must have collapsed. Wood flooring giving way to tile, tile being overtaken by carpet, and then carpet receding back to wood again. The support beams are the only consistent element, solid blocks of wood punctuating the room at even intervals.

But the room’s really dominated by the kitchens and the dance floor. The kitchens are spaced along the northern wall about 50 ft. from one another, one in each corner and the last right in the center. The latter is the only one operational at the moment, and Chiana’s not making anything more complicated than some mulled cider (which, for the sake of accurate chronicling, I must say is delicious). I thought at first the stove here was heating the hall, and while it’s fairly large on closer inspection that doesn’t seem plausibe. It’s far too warm, even in the farther corners. I suppose the surrounding snow might provide some insulation?

Besides that, there’s a raised dance platform in the center of the hall, in front of the middle kitchen. Lup’s dragged Magnus and a two middle aged women onto it, though there isn’t any music at this hour. She's currently waving at me to come join them. I’ve been nursing the drink Chianna gave me so I’d have an excuse to stay seated, but I think I’d better relent before Lup tries to physically drag me up there. They’re really acting silly tonight, but I suppose we all needed to blow off some steam.

Alright. Okay. I probably should have noticed this when I first started drinking, but the alcohol here seems to be quite a bit stronger then I’m used too? Or what Lup and Magnus are used too. I didn’t notice until I went out on the dance floor and I kind of tripped but at first I thought that was just me being clumsy or tired, but then when I started actually dancing it was worse like, I’m usually a good dancer. And Lup was acting especially silly and so was magnus, even though he should have a better constitution than us because he’s not a squishy wizard he’s a beefcake. Lup said that.

Fuck okay I am definitely a little tipsy here I should stop writing. But I was going to write somethig down it was important? we were dancing, and then I was stumbling and I said like Lup I feel kinda tipsy but I only had one drink and she said Aaaaaww ‘Creesha, you are suuuuuuuuuch a lightweight lol but then she fell over and Magnus laughed and one of the ladies we were dancing with asked how much she’d had and shed had three, which made them laugh because apparently threes a lot here. And then we all sat down for a bit and we were talking about travelling and it was kind bullshit because we are trying to blend but we mentioned THE LIGHT THAT

THAT WAS IT LIGHT LIGT light the light what was that aaaaah what was OH MY GOD I CAN’T REMEMBER THE REST FUCK I [[handwriting becomes illegible]]

okay okay I went back to talk again and I had a few more drinks because chiana gave me more drinks they are actually super sweet i mean chianna. Chianas super sweet. They actualysaw the light when it landed sorta they saw a flash through the storm but not in the direction we came. Lup’s been trying to redo her calculations on some napkins she thinks the blizzard had something to do with it but shes still really smashed I dont think now a good time for math Lup

Lucretia darling are you gonna nag me or are you gonna oh my god I dont know how to spell half those words Lup Im a fucking drunk journalist dont pull the fucking jargon out on me

Barry please tell me what Lups saying in words drunk journalist understands

A drunk? Lucretia? Whats going on?

Lup: Baaaaaarrry holy shit did you remember to to do the thing for the storm

BB: Lup? Lup you’re- Lucretia give your stone to Lup I can hardly understand her

LT: hiiiiiiiiiiiii barold, hiiiiiiiii, we fucked uuuuuup

BB: oh wow youre super smashed

LT we fucked up Barry! we didnt-interference! the storm created interference and we fucked up the direction and

BB Lup that doesn’t make anysense? our equipment relies mostly on magical energy unless the storm has arcane origins

LT: oh hey, MORRISON DOES THE STORM HAVE ARCANE ORIGINS?

Morison: MS: (shes one of the dancing ladies) I dunno where arcane is but the storms local. amma constein cursed the whole country side bout 20 years ago after liddy halloway dumped her

SEE BARRY

BB: okay yeah that would definitely throw off our readings but its not like we could have known that beforehand. I mean we know now, so I suppose its a good thing you guys went down there even if you also got fucking wasted, for some reason

?: whose fucking wasted (oh its taako

TT: heeeey chucklefucks whats this about you getting crunk on your uuuuh super important potentially, world saving info gathering mission?

MB taako taaaaaakoooooooo booze is super cool down here? I had a bunch

TT: eh yup I could guess

MB: but not like a super bunch? A little bunch. Its suuuuper strong its great

TT hahaha oh. oh you are so lucky cap’nports asleep. What about you, baby lu? tell me-tell me you, at least are treating this mission with the uh, gravity and maturity it fucking-fucking nesessitates fuck you taako im 58

TT whelp haha BB please just give m emy stone back

im 5 fucking 8!!! Im not a baby godamnit. Im a grown ass women ill get as crunk as I fuckin wanna on this sweet ass booze and you cant have any taako you bitch hahahahha oh my god lucy someone please tell me shes still writing this down I nee

taakos a jackass im a grown fucking ass women an he wasnt even really a hundred when he joined cause hes a LIAR and A JERK comparatively in terms of relativ ageing im more an adult then him but he still calls me baby lu he could call me lucy or creesh like Lup calls me that i love her she? so nice Lup brought me another drink and we danced more but not well cause everthings floaty and I lay down so my head wouldnt float to high the ceilings still really low Lup lay down with e and magnus came in he was screaming cause he went out in the snow he was trying to do the dip thing were you go in a hot spring right after but theres no spring only cold magnus. everythigs only cold magnus why do you do this to yourself?magnus. chiana is making him sit by the stove in the kitchen and they wont give us any more drinks i told them i was 58 and also an alien but that didnt convince them which is probably fair. they dont know. taako knows he has no excuse

chianna gave us a room and its really dark its in the basement it super warm I think there actually is a hot spring but like underneath sorry mags that probablywhat you were thinking but still. super dumb. god Im gonna be so bad in the morning. the storms clearing up a little so well probably go then I hope captains not mad Im not sure he knows but we proly found the light so he cant be too mad. I need sleep. I need to sleep. good night journal Ill miss you love Lucretia

Cycle 36, day 7

Firstly, I am never drinking again. Ever. Secondly, as soon as I get back to the ship, I am burning these pages. Posterity is not worth this level of embarrassment.

Cycle 36, day 8

Lup, Magnus and I had some trouble getting back. Though we weren’t nearly as intoxicated as the previous night, we weren’t precisely sober either. Between Magnus stopping to puke every five minutes, Lup’s persisting lack of balance, my truly excruciating headache, and all the motherfucking, goddamned snow, we nearly got lost on the mile-long hike back to the ship. The others had a field day teasing us, and I can’t even be mad at them for it. Looking over my own notes is literally, viscerally painful. To reiterate: I am never. Drinking. Again.

I am not going to destroy those pages, however. It’s the only written account I have of what Chiana and the others told us about the Light, and it would be irresponsible to get rid of them before we’ve properly found it. Besides, Lup and Taako both practically begged me to keep it in. I don’t understand why Lup want’s this reminder of our idiocy to remain in tact, but damn she is hard to argue with. She’s also tried to insist that “baby-Lu” is a compliment, but won’t explain how so. I take back all the nice things drunk me said about her.

Maybe later I’ll go back and just stick a summary were those pages are, but for the mean time they’ll have to stay.

I spent most of yesterday just resting, once we got back. I don’t think I honestly realized how tired I was until then. It’s only been 8 days since the last apocalypse, most of which we spent searching, frantic and blind in a literally cursed blizzard. Much as I hate to say it, I may need to take Taako’s advice and stop chronicling in real time. Just for a bit. I’ll pick it up again when we find the Light.

Time to go save another world.

End of excerpt.

[editors note: Can I just formally request that, should we ever see Fisher and Junior again, I be permitted to feed these pages to them, in hopes that they might be erased permanently this time? Please?

- LC ]

[editors note: Madame Lucretia’s request is noted and denied.

- TT ]

#lucretia #madame director #taz #taz balance #lup taako #Taako Taaco #davenport #magnus burnsides #barry blujeans #merle highchurch #ipre crew #adventure zone fic #The Adventure Zone #i wrote a fic for once!!#I have no idea if it's good!#but also if you read this i need you to please imagine #the staff of the bob having their elegant regal directors drunken rant #about taakos stupid nickname for her #injected directly into their brains

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paolox3b · 6 years

Photo

South Park Obscura, S01E02 - Tidbits and interesting things.

Cartman hates rainbows. He thinks they march in, crawl up your leg, and bite the inside of your ass.

Class: Wendy, Butters, Clyde, Token, Pip, Cartman, Kevin, Kyle, Dog Poo, Kenny, Stan, Annie, Red

The alphabet over the blackboard goes A-Z in capital letters ,and Z-A in lower case letters

Written on board: Chupe mis chi chis, or Suck my breasts No me toquen los huevos, or - Do not touch my eggs (testicles) Mi verga es fea y morena, or - My cock is ugly and dark

Stan likes dolphins

First celebrity spoof as a character: Kathie Lee Gifford

Mayor McDaniels, first appearance

Chef calls the boys “Crackers”

Mr Garrison was balding as a child and had Mr. Hat then

Kathie Lee's puppets: Mariachi player and a Rabbi

Butters is the last one off the bus. The 4 boys are next to last.

Cartman's first mention of “hippie crap”

Cheesey Poofs

Ass-Master (Stan to Cartman)

Jesus & Pals!

“Beefcake!”

Photo on wall in Cartman's house changes from sailboats to a portrait of Liane and Eric

Mr. Hat spoofs “The Exorcist”

Negative Nancy

Butters is the first one on the bus

“Castrate the cows!”

Clyde doesn't know if he's an Indian or not, in the play.

Bebe Stevens

Stan hit Clyde over the head with toy rifle.

Butters beats up Pip

Jimbo's guns

Mr Garrison spoofs De Niro, “You talkin' to me?”

Mr Garrison think dolphins live in igloos, as does Cartman. Wendy's grade: 72

Kennedy assassination spoofed at book depository

SPH band – South Park has a high school, somewhere

Kathie Lee in a “Pope-mobile”

“Kathie Lee, You're my Sexual Fantasy!” song by Chef

“I've learned something today,” Spoken by Wendy, not Kyle

Mr. Garrison shoots Kenny, which impales him on the flag pole

Cartman copied “Walden” to win the essay contest

“Kyle's mom will make us tuna fish sandwiches.” - Stan

Meddling kids – Scooby Doo mention, Mr. Garrison

Cartman gets on TV on Geraldo

Chef has a blue lava lamp.

Chef gets it on with Kathie Lee

#south park #weight gain 4000 #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #stan marsh #kenny mccormick #obscure

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nanyoky · 6 years

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Someone’s stomach still hates her, so it’s BREAD NIGHT instead of sushi night but HERE WE GO

lol cheryl. for just one tiny moment, i bet a couple kids were ready for a columbus style defamation and dressing down, but not our cheryl. nope. she’s just taking another opportunity to be the live action pacifica northwest.

“the southside kids are fine, but their parents are FURIOUS.” i’m gunna need more than that mayor mac- why? are the southside kids studying too hard now that they have real books? does sweetpea’s mum have to drive him all the way across town to his new school every morning? if the city shut down the school and absorbed these kids into the other district, the district buses would have to come to them, yes? so why would Mama Sweets driving him??? I NEED MORE DETAILS MAYOR MAC.

a neighborhood party for both north and southside. but the serpents are hired as security. do you see the problem here folks???? i mean- obviously not every single southsider is in the gang, but they are a good chunk of the people you’re trying to integrate into the community. so..... what’s really happening.... is a party of northsiders........ with southsiders as The Help. ......great plan i can’t wait.

there’s something really hilarious about the marked height difference between archie and hiram and archie is enjoying every inch of it- deep, deep down inside while he tries to figure out what the fuck is happening in his dining room.

me @ Hal: you’ve got the personality of a brillo pad go out in the garage or something

chic is chillingly cavalier, which is just how i want him, but betty brining up the “cresent moons” on her palms was ham handed and awkward come on we were doing so much better with dialogue recently

this guy can’t possibly be legit there’s no way a trained agent of anything would trust archie with a can of pringles

there is just so much in the gang checking out betty’s picture of chic. kevin thinks he looks hot and maybe familiar because kevin likes pretty, hooded eyed bad boys who probably have a switchblade in their back pocket ((me too bro it’s okay)). veronica calling him “the omen.” betty sort of expecting but not knowing how to react to her friends thinking her long lost brother is a babe. also summarizing her current home life perfectly in how alice is being awkwardly infantizing and how hal is being definitely not chic’s biological dad and pissy about it. excellent. all excellent.

betty’s “hanging out with toni? cool. that’s cool” face is just... so betty.

“oldest living serpent” SHUT UP i bet he’s adorable i can’t wait

“your dad doesn’t like me” “what? no!” veronica is suddenly a worse liar than betty and that is SAYING something

veronica references the movie “foxcatcher” which i both want to see and don’t want to see and have been waffling about for over a year. anyone care to swing me on it?

varchie is lying to one another and it is all going to blow up so terribly

hoooooolllllyyyyyyy shhhiiiiitttttt. i see. this is a topical episode. and tangentially personal. i went to school near the dakota borders. i have friends who spent weeks at the pipeline protests. but also um.... why do i get the sense that for some bizarre reason, this is going to be jughead’s narrative....... *SIGH*

i need about twelve drinks right now. but also did i nail it with that columbus reference or what?

((fun fact to lighten the mood: my city is working on getting a statue of christopher columbus replaced with one of prince because he was from here and he “represents us better”. bless this midwest))

*HEFTY SIGH* mayor mac. i genuinely want to see more of your adulterous but charming affair with papa keller but you keep fighting tooth and nail to stay on my shitlist

kevin’s porn watching has solved a mystery that shouldn’t really have been a mystery to anyone? i thought fantasy fulfillment was pretty fuckin clear. also, kev, WHY ARE YOU WATCHING PORN IN POP’S WHAT THE FUCK BRO WHO DOES THAT

Archie: *jake peralta voice* why does everyone keep touchin my butt?

IS THE SHERIFF THERE TO WATCH KEVIN’S TRYOUT HELP MY HEART DON’T YOU *DARE* BE SHADY PAPA KELLER DON’T YOU BETRAY MY BOY

KEVIN’S GOOD. KEVIN’S A GOOD WRESTLER. MY LITTLE HEART.

none of these boys better make ANY comments about kevin wrestling or i will come after them with A BAT

this is a much needed self esteem boost for kevin- being better at something traditionally masculine than archie, the all american boy and I SUPPORT HIS PRIDE I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY KEV EVEN IF YOU LOOK AT CAM BOYS AT A PUBLIC DINER YA WEIRDO

this is an A+ sweater from betty holy jeez contender #1 for outfit mvp

bets did you watch a bunch of your brother’s sexy vids? holy jeez i need to feel better so i can have a drink ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS ESSAY I KNOW YOU ARE

kevin’s writing a gossip column now? i both love and hate this. give me a sample of it and i will swing one way or the other

“this is a story we need to tell” close jughead. this is a story you need to help the right people tell. as support. not the main voice. please tell me that is on its way. (i doubt it)

also i feel like the writers came up with this history of the gang, shall we say, quite a ways after casting of the gang.... not that the gang has to be all direct descendants of the tribe but.... still.

kevin’s going to help archie practice cuz he’s the best of all of us. also it’s going to make him feel good about himself and i don’t begrudge him that in the slightest.

“you don’t really think this could be long term, do you?” chic you were living in a hostel where people get stabbed/their stuff stolen- how is that long term?

it’s a repeat but i think this is the first time this season we’ve heard a character’s original song? i miss the pussycats. i miss “we tell our own story” divas of color. i honestly kinda miss “i wanna be a musician” archie tbh. the music in general has taken a definite turn this season and i like all the retro but god the s1 soundtrack was SO damn good and atmospheric

Hiram has mastered the painfully overt backhanded compliment in a way i would have scoffed at two years ago but honestly i know people liek this now and it’s a nightmare.

lol veronica and archie turn this into the cold war of in-law relations. “i’m glad you’re not man enough to wrestle archie makes me feel like my daughter’s virtue is safe with you” “oh yeah well i think archie is hot” “yeah and we are TOTES comfortable kissing in front of you because our relationship is TOO HOT TO CONTAIN SO THERE”

*long, loud groan* oh my gggaaaaawwwwddd hal

that being said i kinda feel the same way about the narrative doing this weird displacement where Chic replaces Polly as the Problem Cooper and Sweetpea and Fangs are splitting up the threads of Joaquin’s storyline like come on writers either get your actors back or write something new- don’t just rework existing threads of character and plot for new faces.

kevin stop looking so eager we know hiram is a babe okay but that’s your friend’s dad

kevin and chuck both know enough about wrestling to know hiram is being a dick and not demonstrating for the sake of demonstrating. i mean- i don’t know shit about wrestling and i could tell that- but i have the benefit of knowing the narrative

“Get the message?” no hiram i think you’re being a tad too subtle. try farting on him.

TONI. THAT’S MY GIRL. FINALLY. THANK GOD. i was so scared this storyline was going to let jughead be this painfully white without acknowledgement but here we go. thank god. jughead has been whiter than i am recently and that is SAYING something.

okay so josie’s mad at veronica now which means we don’t get a pussycat reunion? DID THEY LOSE MELODY AND VAL TO OTHER GIGS??? JESUS RIVERDALE HOLD ON TO YOUR CAST ((i’m just assuming. i don’t know if polly and joaquin and melody and val and smithers all have other acting jobs keeping them from doing riverdale- it’s just it doesn’t make sense narrative-wise so i assume it’s a scheduling thing))

“cameras aren’t here, jackie o” that’s my girl

“the old ways die hard it seems” SOCIAL COMMENTARY

i love this wrestling plotline for many kevin reasons, but one of them is it gives and opportunity to show kevin interacting with a male friend. they’re obviously making a better effort to make him more than the “sassy gay friend” but this is one i feel a lot of people would miss. we’re used to gay men befriending women and being romantically involved with or lusting after men exclusively. but kevin and archie are friends! and we love them both! kevin jokes around about archie being hot and neither of them are uncomfortable! archie goes to kevin for help with something kevin has more knowledge/skill at! if i remember right archie was the first one to call joaquin kevin’s boyfriend! they are bros! and this is just really nice!

also how did i not notice kevin is ridiculously buff before? did he beefcake up between seasons or did those sweaters just slim him down a lot somehow? woops better go back and rewatch season one again to check. god what a chore.

chic is AGGRESSIVELY questioning betty’s intentions because we aren’t aware enough that he has TRUST ISSUES

i still don’t know how i feel about any of this and i keep swinging back and forth on “dark betty” from episode to episode depending on what they’re doing with it

“i took care of her while you were in prison” “excuse me” OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT HERE LIES ARCHIE ANDREWS DUMB BOY GOOD BOY SWEET BOY

i really need to know what veronica knows about her parents and how she is biding her time and handling it because the writers are just not throwing her a goddamn bone lately other than to occasionally call out toxic masculinity

honestly i feel like i don’t understand hiram. maybe because i’m not a blindly competitive douchenozzle. but like- surely laying things out so bullheaded and aggressive can’t be a better strategy than lying in wait and learning what you can? he could pretty easily wreck their relationship- those two keep screwing things up between them anyway. it can’t be that hard to be subtle buddy ((hiram is a gryffindor. nell is a slytherpuff. nell does not understand lion people.))

we see more hints of veronica faking the koolaid drinking with her parents. but is that truly what hermione wants? who is real? season one or two hermione?! i must know!!!!

*jughead continues to make this about him* toni: “i thought you were apologizing.” thank god for tony. give her her own narrative and stop making her only scenes be about jughead one way or another. she’s got such potential

for all that i still think the narrative is still going to find a way to keep jughead’s feelings at the forefront of this plot thread, there was some good delivery on “i had no right.” a kid realizing for the first time that just because he feels really strongly about something, does not mean he’s universally in the right on the subject. i know so many grown ass adults who don’t know this. i’m just really hoping not just jughead as a character takes a step back for a bit, but the narrative lets him and uses the room he makes well.

of course hiram invites veronica thinking archie isn’t going to make the team

slap his butt ronnie

so which chuck are we getting today god only knows because his redemption never saw any continuation or closure beyond gettin flirty with josie so i have no idea if it was genuine

Me, who knows nothing about sports of any kind beyond that i like it when Klose does the flippy: Wrestling is an aesthetically stupid sport

we’re all acknowledging how very uncomfortable and surreal this is for veronica right? watching her boyfriend grapple with the guy who publicly humiliated and harassed her a few months back? but in like- a “sportsman behavior” setting? very weird.

was that archie realizing he was being tested? is dating a lodge like converting to judaism? gotta be denied three times and persist?

alice is being so painfully stepfordy and i’m frightened and intrigued by the moment when the other shoe will drop and chic sees the alice cooper we all know and love to hate and hate to love

again- i’m really shocked that like- no one read between the lines on what chic’s livelihood came from

“he has to go and you know damn well why” *clutches pearls* oh good heavens hal what reason could that possibly be??? i haven’t the foggiest

PENELOPE IS LIKE AN AMALGAMATION OF EVERY DISNEY VILLAIN EVER IN THIS SHOT I’M DYING

OH SHIT. OH SHIT. VERONICA AND THE PUSSYCATS.

like on the one hand, that was a fucking power move and i kind of just have to give props for the sheer audacity, but on the other hand PEOPLE NEED TO STOP CUTTING JOSIE OFF FROM ANY AND ALL SUPPORT SHE’S JUST BEING MANIPULATED AND ATTACKED ON ALL SIDES AND I NEED HER TO BE OKAY BECAUSE SHE HAS FAR TOO MANY FEELINGS IN HER BIG BROWN EYES

oh god oh god this is too fucking real i need a drink but i’m still sick fuck this is real. fuck. toni’s face. cuz honestly she’s tough but you can tell she’s not used to the spotlight and it took all her courage to get up and be the voice of the protest only to be derailed and minimalized fuck let this girl have more to do than occasionally be the voice of reason to jughead and the serpents.

BAHAHAHA is hal going to sleep with penelope to get back at alice for having a kid with fp back in highschool jesus christ this show

i’m reserving judgement on the chic plotline until it progresses more but right now i’m just kinda “....huh.” about it

oh betty. oh honey. oh babe.

“That was the old me” archie has been through five “new me”s in the past month. i mean this is obviously to get on hiram’s good side, but still it’s hilarious.

oh of course. they couldn’t just let this fucking go could they. gotta frame the serpents for something else. or not! maybe it was the serpents! doesn’t actually matter. either way mayor mac, lodges and papa keller are going to be the absolute worst about it.

can we get back to being a gothic mystery show next ep? please?

Episode Scorecard:

Number of Sick Beatdrop editing sequences: none. it seems they’ve abandoned this, sadly, along with the rest of the season one soundtrack and editing style. which is a shame.

Do I Still Miss Joaquin: please just imagine wrestling matches with Joaquin dragging all the other teen serpents along with to be the loudest, rowdiest, Team Keller-est cheering section riverdale has ever seen. Kevin is equal parts pleased and mortified. cheryl and toni are dating by now, so cheryl makes them all tshirts. they all have no fucking clue how wrestling works. they love it.

Episode Hair MVP: jughead’s bangs were corkscrewing again- like mine do when my hair air dries just right. i live the curly/wavy combo life too juggie. i know it’s hard.

Episode Outfit MVP: betty’s felted floral sweater- tho i’m still perplexed by the collars on this show. someone in wardrobe has a signature and i don’t begrudge them- i’ve just never seen collars on any outfit anywhere like these ones

#riverdale spoilers #long post #nell liveblogs #unsubtle highschool suburban gothic of my dreams #riverdale season 2 #there was no fp this episode which is a crime

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kandrsdarkangelsbookblog · 4 years

Text

Things are about to get sticky...

Beefcakes, an all-new ”amazing and unforgettable” romantic comedy from Katana Collins, is available now!

I might as well permanently add the label "Ex" to my name. I'm an Ex-Mr. Universe. Ex-Mr. Olympus. An Ex-Hollywood Stuntman. But no one from my small hometown cares anything about that. They only care that I'm the ex-boyfriend to the beloved Mayor's daughter, Elaina Dyker.

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Excerpt

I arched my brow at her. “I bragged about knowing you so well…but man. I did not see this almond croissant massacre coming. What do you have against almonds? Or was it the amount of butter that offended you? Because as a fitness expert, let me tell you butter isn’t the enemy. Sugar is the enemy.”

She laughed. “I, uh…I might have some anger management issues.”

I took the bag from her and peeked in. There were knuckle marks against the outside of the croissant. Literal knuckle marks. I barked a laugh. “Elaina Dyker. Did you punch the croissant?”

She laughed, pressing her lips together as though this would hide the fact that I saw her adorable little giggle. She brought her thumb and forefinger up beside her temple. “Maybe a little.”“Did you even try a bite?”

She shook her head no. “I like my routine. I like my daily lunch of yogurt and almonds.”

I made a face. Because she had to be exaggerating. Sure…she liked them. But having that same thing every day? Even chocolate cake every day would get tedious. “You can like yogurt and almonds but still indulge every now and then, you know.” I reached in and pinched off a piece of the smashed croissant, holding it out toward her lips. “C’mon. Live a little. I promise you, it is actually healthy, if that’s your concern.” Not that she needed to be concerned about that. “Almond flour. Gluten free. Grain free. Only two net carbs. The only sugar is the honey in the honey roasted almonds and the natural sugar in dates.” Her eyes grew wide at that and I knew I had hooked her.

She reached out her hand to take the piece of croissant from me, but I pulled back. “Nuh-uh,” I teased. “We can’t have your fingers getting sticky. Might ruin that fancy suit you’re wearing.”

She rolled her eyes, but parted her wet lips, her tongue peeking out just enough for me to place the croissant on top of. She moaned as soon as it hit her mouth, and her eyes fell closed as she slowly chewed and swallowed. “That’s…that’s healthy?”

I nodded. “See? I’m not just a pile of muscles. I’ve got some talent, too.”

Her head fell to the side. “I never said you weren’t talented. I just wish you wouldn’t show off quite so much of your other assets.”

I grinned. “I thought you liked my assets?”

“I do,” she answered absentmindedly, then immediately shook her head, realizing what she’d said. “I mean, I did.”

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