#before all the MAJOR trauma

[leviiackrman]

SAEKA RIKIHISA + ANZU ADACHI - Jujutsu Kaisen [anime style]

more art || commissions || saeka page || anzu belongs to my bby @risingsh0t

tag list (ask to be added or removed): @bbrocklesnar @carrionsflower @risingsh0t @statichvm @marivenah @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @simonxriley @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @arklay @jackiesarch @timdownie @minaharkers @captmactavish @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @queennymeria @shadowglens @nightbloodbix @riikugan @heroofpenamstan @fenharel @alexxmason @malefiicarum @perpetuagf @gearvmac @gwynbleidd @delzinrowe

#my art* #oc: saeka rikihisa #m.oc: anzu adachi #artists on tumblr #jjk oc #jujutsu kaisen oc #anime oc #jujutsu kaisen #my ocs #misc: peeps ocs #character design #original character #digital art #here they are! #golden girls in the school years! #Alyssa I hope you like how she turned out #PLS TELL ME IF SO #*SOMETHING IS WRONG #but besties livin their best lives #before all the MAJOR trauma #but they trauma bond

[nonpoppie]

tianjiu (food 4 me specifically)

#tianjiu #tianlang jun #shen jiu #scum villain #svsss #i just think they would b neat... #in the grand scheme of things i dont think the demon part would matter to sj #if he got attached to tlj first.?? like #guy with major trust issues vs guy who's just a little silly. And also has trust issues #sj @ tlj would b like: #how dare u break down my walls and make me feel safe and make me feel loved HOW DARE U #meanwhile tlj @ sj: #grumpy chicks r so sexy got damn.. oh u got trauma? word me too babygirl #lets take antidepressants together <3 #out of screen shen yuan is of course the reason for all this . released tlj and was sj's shizun before hightailing it. Happy ending fairy #no idea how the timeline would work but slay #my art dump

[neversetyoufree]

Since writing my last post about how Vanitas understands "salvation" as the preservation of one's self, even at the price of death, I've been thinking about how that plays into Vanitas's thoughts on resurrection. It's only two short lines, but I find the view he expresses in this scene absolutely fascinating.

Vanitas tells Misha that the dead "don't come back," and the fact that he phrases it that way stands out to me. He doesn't say that resurrection is impossible on a physical level; he implicitly concedes that maybe Misha could "bring back" something that looks and acts like Luna. He doesn't quibble about the practicalities of reanimating someone whose body turned to ashes or bring up whatever concept of the afterlife he may have.

Instead, Vanitas says that a resurrected Luna would simply be "something else that looked like her." A resurrected Luna would lack some fundamental part of whatever it was that made Luna who they were in their first life.

But what would they lack? I don't think he's implying that a resurrected Luna would lack their soul—not really. Setting aside the absence of souls as a conceptual presence in VnC, I think that would be too concrete and specific for what Vanitas is gesturing toward. Rather, he's conceiving of the Self in a somewhat ineffable way. On a metaphysical level, a version of Luna brought back from the dead simply Wouldn't Be Her, and he can't put it in more concrete terms than that.

So why does he think this way?

I think the concept of resurrection is awful enough to Vanitas that he has to reject it outright for his own stability. He cannot even slightly entertain the notion that resurrection might be possible, because that would destroy one of his main coping mechanisms.

Resurrection is nightmarish to a man that relies on death as an escape. Vanitas is suicidal, but beyond his self-hatred, his relationship to death is very particular. He's someone whose body and being has been corrupted and violated several times—through violence, through experiments, and through Luna's bite, and he's desperate to retain control of himself in the aftermath. He's desperate for control in regards to everything in his life, but especially his body and his death.

Vanitas is being slowly transformed into something inhuman, and he plans to die someday to escape that fate. The idea that after he's gone, someone could override that decision and force him back into living a life he doesn't want must be unacceptably horrific to him. He dismisses it out of hand because he has to.

Vanitas says a resurrected Luna would, on some level, not really be Luna. Whatever comes back might look like them, but it would lack some fundamental self that makes Luna "Luna." Thus, if Vanitas himself were ever "resurrected" after his death, it would be the same. Death remains an absolute escape for him, and even if someone contrives to bring back something that looks like him after he's gone, it won't be him. That life won't be his problem.

In addition to whatever beliefs Vanitas might have about death and afterlives the feasibility of resurrection, I think this is a key part of his relationship to the concept. He lives his life knowing that death waits for him as an escape valve. He needs that looming death as his salvation. Thus, faced with the concept of resurrection, his argument basically boils down to "nuh-uh." He shoots down the concept and declares that a resurrected person wouldn't be themselves in some nonspecific way, because the possibility of anything otherwise isn't something safe for him to consider.

#of course. it's not out of the question that Vanitas has actually encountered a botched resurrection before and is speaking from experience #but occam's razor and all that #or mochijun's razor: #when encountering a vanitas character trait. assume it's a trauma response until shown substantial evidence otherwise #vnc #vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas #vanitas #vanitas my beloved #english major hours #ID in alt text #I briefly wonked up posting this but I think it's normal now

[midnight-coll]

Maybe i love unreliable narrators so much because i am an unreliable narrator in my own life. Every alter has a different perspective, everyone *thinks* they know what they're talking about when really its a limited one person perspective. The point of the disorder is so you think you know everything when in reality theres so many things you don't know you don't know. Maybe i love unreliable narrators in fiction because they say what they say and people pick apart and find the truth anyway and maybe i just like the idea of someone seeing the whole picture after talking to different alters, of someone knowing me more then an alter knows.

#did #did osdd #did system #trauma system #endos dni #did community #fictive #this post was inspired by sam thinking louis and Lestat were idiots for playing with a raccoon #in reality louis has major beef with this raccoon #hates his guts #and was staying up to fight the raccoon ig #and lestat thought louis hating this raccoon was hilarious #and kept putting trash on the porch to draw the raccoon in #so louis would chase the raccoon back off #the raccoon is named Leonard #maybe Sam wasn't too far off #but louis doesn't know it #certified leonard posting #Sam brought all the extra trash in before calling them idiots and laying down #Sam ruins all the fun smh #i personally liked the leonard chasing

[dirtytransmasc]

I gotta say, I’ll read just about any fic where Spider is getting shown love and acceptance, but I’m not the biggest fan of fics that will go out of their way to make Quaritch worse to Spider than he was in canon. Because to me, the fact that Quaritch is kind to Spider is one of the things that makes his character interesting. Making him worse just isn’t compelling. And it’s almost always used in fics where he gets adopted by Jake and Neytiri, so it’s just kind of like… did you have to make Quaritch awful so the Sully’s prior neglect doesn’t look as bad in comparison?

TW; r4pe, child abuse, violence against children,

oh thank you, someone said it.

I have seen so many fics where recom quaritch was made to be worse than even human quaritch just for the sake of making the sully's look good. I have seen more than one r4pe fic, multiple fics where quaritch beat spider bloody, and that's only the tip of the iceberg just so spider can scurry home to the sully's and have everything go 'back to normal'. the neglect, abuse, neytiri almost killing spider situation, the sully's abandoning spider with the RDA situation, etc all gets ignored and they're a happy family. it boggles my mind how that makes sense to anyone.

I get that not everyone likes him, but, changing his entire narrative just to fit your own non canon narrative is just kinda annoying. especially cause like, the whole purpose of their characters were to show the complexity of healthy father/son relationships, even if they are on opposing sides, even if one is on the wrong side to begin with. it's the duality of quaritchs role within the movie that make it worthwhile.

the day the majority of people within any given fandom space can actually have critical thinking and analysis skills will be the day I live in peace.

#billy fandom we've seen this before #green team (hotd) we've also seen this before #its so tiring #like yes #I would love to see all of spiders trauma addressed and for spider and the sully's to truly take him in #I would #but making quaritch a horrifcally abusive rapist isn't going to make your story any better #it actually makes the vast majority not want to read it #surprise surprise #at least I would hope so #same with ignoring all of the pain and trauma spider. a literal child. went through at the sully's hands #does not make them good parents #spider socorro #miles socorro #miles spider socorro #sully family #jake sully #neytiri #quaritch #tw rape #cw rape #i find it almost hilarious how they manage to make quaritch worse #like if you have to stoop that low to keep the structural integrity of your story intact #maybe its a bad idea #avatar #avatar 2 #avatar the way of water

[poebrey]

gonna write a whole thing someday about how characters of color who clearly have a history of trauma or mental health issues aren’t given consideration or acknowledgement in the fandom imagination

#this is first and foremost about yennefer being canonically suicidal and it being never brought up in fandom #but people can talk about how they think she’s a bitch just fine like we’re all stuck in 2005 #but also applies to like just about every character of color who has a prominent role in sci/fi fantasy genre space #because they sure get made to suffer a lot by these writers but in the white imagination that’s not noteworthy at all? #but also Scott McCall #who deadass attempted suicide on screen in one ep? #suicide tw #which I have moved on from teen wolf but it for very obvious reasons another great example #or Michael Burnham who canonically had a fucked up childhood that gave her a lifelong martyr complex #but if you ask who clearly has ptsd on the show it’s not her because it needs to get spelled out even though she is the main character? #Or even Culber; they bonded once over how they both died! #but we don’t do that with white boy side characters 5-7 #they try to hate crime someone on screen and people are making shit up to justify before whatever media it is finishes airing #we talk about diversity in media #but one of the catch 22s is that more diverse media tends to be genre media #because that’s allowed to push boundaries #but as a fan of color you have to mentally prepare yourself for witnessing trauma every time #meanwhile the silly no stakes fun shows get majority white or entirely white casts every time #so you get this fun thing where if you’re white and want a fun escape you get a buffet of laughs #and if you’re a person of color at best you *dont* get to see yourself die on screen #anyways this has been a middle of the night that no one should be taking seriously #*rant #gotta make sure everything referencing tw isn’t in the first 5 tags or I might wake up to a whole essay crying in the inbox

[tangledinink]

I thought you might find this funny, but I have therapy today. Which means that I get to explain to my therapist what a rise of the tmnt apocalypse comic is and why it send me into a depressive spiral this weekend lmao

EYYYYY that’s what *I* did at therapy this week, too!!! Wassup!!!! Tell ur therapist I said hi!!!!

#CASS #it’s not ur fault it was just very real and spoke very directly to two major rl traumas lol #and now everyone is making fan work abt it lmao #including me sooooo #also all the twin shit is just killing me #no disrespect to the artists #but there was one fanwork abt how like #leo just KNEW when donnie died could just SENSE it coz they’re twins #and I was very sad and upset #because my twin was dead for over twelve hours before I found out #anyway #asks #lily-valley-hyperfixates

[jaegerbroshoe]

I hate how the movies didn’t incorporate the extent to which the bombs/Coin’s execution physically and mentally damaged Katniss (her burn scars, her muteness, her singing for days then resolving to kill herself by starving) or the long process of recovery (her not taking care of herself when she makes it back to 12 and not hunting for months until she sees Peeta again/Peeta needing to attend months of therapy in the Capitol before he could come back to 12) or the ever-lasting trauma in the epilogue like the books did.

I mean, Katniss does mention still getting nightmares during her monologue, but I feel like they could have shown Peeta dealing with one of his flashbacks or something. Cause they make it look like he’s all happy and dandy as if he wasn’t tortured and hijacked.

#or katniss could have said 'we both do' regarding the nightmares #anyways I just like the realism of the epilogue in the books #it's not a happy ever after ending #like it leaves a residual feeling of sadness despite them being able to heal in some ways #but the movies gloss over all that #also katniss was literally locked up for months before she goes back to district 12?? #the movies make it look like she got sent back in a day #and that the whole thing wasn’t that big of a deal #also don’t like how they make it look like effie was unaffected by everything when she was also traumatized and not the same in the end #just…I don’t think they captured the extent of trauma and recovery the books portrayed #and it’s a shame because it’s one of the major themes in the series #the hunger games #misc #my opinion

[princesscallyie]

It’s seem like I can’t escape the “people don’t want to come to work so now I gotta do their mess” shenanigans…

#literally the most two irksome work pet peeves happen today and I was pissed #1st is waiting until the last second to do or change something #2nd is people who call out for a bs reason and how I gotta do your work unprepared #I work with adult learning and online webinars stuff like that #I’m like a producer I set the webinars up and I’m supposed to moderate them intro the speakers etc #and they are live events with people attending online #why two days before the event the ceo was like I don’t like the platform let’s change it… #plus some others problems they had… #why are we discussing two days before????? we had all month to discuss changes or concerns #okay there’s major problems with the event so I gotta fix some stuff and now it’s on me #to research a new platform they want this done asap #I’m annoyed cause why is this urgency my issue? #this should have proper discussed way before we rolled out the product #THEN during that this girl in my team was basically like I’m taking off so now you have to take over my event #outta nowhere… #I gotta do the rehearsal tomorrow and I know nothing about the event… #like you have been planning this event for months and all the sudden you gotta be off… #you have been complaining that’s low attendance and it’s probably gonna fail I hate #YOU just don’t wanna do it!!! #it’s like a random classmate coming up to you and saying #you gotta do my presentation now I’m gonna be out #and not send any notes or details or nothing… #don’t know why you wouldn’t show up to your own presentation besides an emergency #which apparently they knew about it last week but tells me at the last second being vague about it #maybe it’s kiosk trauma but I can just sense the bs #like not even gonna send some sub plans or anything??? #that’s nutty!!! #anyway got hit with a double whammy I was so mad #but I will calm down and deal lol #callyie chat

[forevercloudnine]

I really enjoy Bruce directly comparing the emotional fallout of his childhood trauma to the emotional fallout of the trauma he puts his villains through... especially since here he’s acknowledging that his PTSD episodes are what cause him to be especially brutal to them in the first place. He’s exorcising his own fear by inflicting it on them, but then what do they do with it?

#bruce wayne #mr. freeze #victor fries #panels are also from batman (2016) no. 52 #'i'm not... i AM myself. but not what i want to be or what i should be' iconic line #just such a fascinating examination of a traumatized protagonist who purposefully uses fear as his main weapon!!! #reminds me very much of the batman annual 'from the diary of alfred pennyworth' (also written by tom king) #where alfred reflects on how he used to wonder how such a constantly nervous child grew into an ostensibly fearless man #before concluding 'i firmly believe he is in fact horribly terrified a majority of the time' #because he never got over any of it he's just using batman as a coping mechanism #except the thing about batman is that batman is constantly being put in situations similar to the original source of his trauma #so his ptsd is being triggered constantly. 'a majority of the time' one might say #there's also a number of good scarecrow lines about how batman copes with his fear by inflicting it on others #i'm constantly chasing this ephemeral parallel of bats being a cultural symbol of death #bruce being terrified of death and murder because of witnessing his parents being killed #bruce often being portrayed as having a childhood fear of bats #bruce deciding to avenge the murder of his parents by punishing all criminals #USING his childhood phobia of a cultural symbol of death to terrify them #but then never killing them because he's afraid of becoming a murderer #it's just such a fascinating combination of elements that have emerged in the batman mythos over time #although this story in particular has bruce admit that batman is a god to him #(so loaded on so many levels) #so something something immortality/god/death/putting the fear of god into them/jeremiah arkham calling batman the serpent in eden #idk i just woke up. i'm going to go make myself breakfast because OBVIOUSLY my blood sugar needs help

[hollowflight-propaganda]

Me: has my sixth sudden crying spell of the week

Also me: "yeah but I'm probably not ACTUALLY depressed"

#gonna be honest boys. I have been feeling like dogshit #started with me having a good ol' existential spiral at 4 am a week ago and now I don't even know what's bothering me #and then there's all of the bad stuff going on making me anxious for myself and everybody on top of everything #all the abhorrent transphobia has been making me feel worried for the future #(as if the passing of time doesn't already horribly scare me but I digress) #idk man. I already feel like I'm unequipped for the future because I've realized I never thought I'd still be alive right now #majority of my childhood was filled with adults preaching at me to think about where I'd be going in the afterlife so I did just that #that plus they were the type to believe that the rapture is soon cause “the signs are all coming true” #so I always thought that either that would happen or I'd die before now #well. I'm still here and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. #and I'm lonely. really fucking lonely and I'm going mad cause of it #never had actual friends besides the kids I was with at my old private school. now they're all raging conservatives who mock minorities #I was able to get away but moving on isn't as easy as I hoped #it'd be so much easier to betray all my beliefs and act ignorant again so I can have my friends back #but of course I can't do that. I can't throw out who I am and all of the wonderful people I know who would be “sinful” in their eyes #idk man. I think I've finally reached the breakdown I've been feeling coming for the past two years #fuck. sorry for this trauma dump of a post. I've just felt numb for months and now everything's catching up to me #needed to yell about it I guess #vent #phoenix prattles

[masonscig]

ok ok it’s HAPPENING

#i spent most of today brainstorming what an ideal book 3 would look like w friends #and i've been tapping away on my laptop on and off all day plotting a whole rewrite in fic form (for mafía ofc <3) #anyway i think i've finally cracked the harder stuff to write around #im trying not to give too much away but i am. so excited. but i have to visit family for the next two days and its KILLING ME #BC IM SO IN THE TRENCHES RN #god. i just needed to get that out before i went to sleep bc im literally giddy about these rewrites #fucking inject fix it fics into my VEINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #god there are going to be actual idle moments. a major plot point thats actually fleshed out. healing trauma. DISCUSSIONS !!!!!!!! #and also equally as important. better sex scenes KMDFMKDFKMDFKM #jade.txt

[write-owl]

I'm me when I'm gone

I'm here but I'm not

I'm tired almost all of the time

I don't remember getting older

I still feel so much younger

Yet sometimes I forget I'm alive

Time passes and I forget

Keep forgetting and I won't be able to remember what I haven't forgotten yet

I'm sleeping but not dreaming

Dreaming while I'm walking

I just can't seem to wake up

Days spent lost in haze

Stumbling through

A mind-numbed daze

Nights spited searching for them

Before I know it

I'm gone again

#lgbt poet #poets on tumblr #spilled thoughts #i suffered from memory loss due to a mix of trauma and a lot of meds #i have major blank spots that covers most of my life before 17 #i pieced together a lot of what I'm missing from old texts and photos and stories from others #but it's not the same #i still feel an ache in my chest for all that I've lost #losing memories of people i loved is the worst bit #it hurts to not know why i lost them #and I've hidden it from most everyone from my old life :/ #idk why #i guess i had my reasons before i forgot them

[tovaicas]

there is something to be said though abt how through HW estinien, knowingly or not, systematically kills nidhogg's mate and children (tioman's death in sohm al angers and upsets nidhogg deeply and directly) one by one in a way that mirrors the way nidhogg killed his family.

maybe it was intentional. maybe not. but it is an interesting angle and it makes me really wish estinien wasn't so flat in HW bc a rampage of revenge against nidhogg that, like him, is understandable even if it isn't morally justifiable, that has estinien dipping into the same overt, self-destructive cruelty that drives nidhogg and prolongs the war would've been an actually great story arc had they been willing to actually make estinien unlikable and in the wrong for a minute.

#saint.txt #spoilers #major spoilers #estinienposting #ishgardposting #like I said once I think ysa.yle should've been on the edge of actually managing to get through sohm al safely #before esti.nien's impatience and trauma gets in the way and he biffs it for everyone. #centres the conflict on the actual issue which is the fact estinien's supposed to be the ishgardian nidhogg and like him #he has suffered something he (at that point) views as unforgivable and holds all dravanians but especially nidhogg as personally responsibl #the dungeon is still gross bc you're still invading a sacred space for indiscriminate slaughter but it's at least a better setup. #the aery as much as I hate it also works better as one man's self-destructive rage spiral in the wake of the Revelations #and as a hard reminder that at the core this is about revenge for esti.nien and 'ending the war' is just a backdrop to his real deal #and that he's actually probably utterly terrified of ending the DSW bc who is he without the safe mantle of the azure dragoon. #though honestly I still think there's too many problems w/ the aery for me to ever like it lmfao

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Gol-ly I sure wish I hadn't waited until I was being full-on triggered to realize that my living situation isn't good for me!

#i can feel all my major trauma responses kicking in and it's like. i can admit when i fuck up but they cant. #did text my landlord earlier to ask about open rooms and he gets 24 hours to respond before i call him #i should've done this sooner but was like nahhhh we get along it's okay and it is very much not okay #i cant communicate with someone who gets aggressive unpredictably and it's like. i understand WHY the aggression is there #but it doesnt make it any less scary for me; flat out did not eat my lunch at work and am making myself have some dinner #like. yes i messed up in not knowing how to care for a special needs animal while the owner disappeared for 3-4 consecutive days #I'm just. venting at this point but. there is an option for me to duck my head and go and I'm taking it as soon as i can U_U #hoatm rants

[ineloquent-tumbling]

I don’t think people fully realize how isolating extensive food allergies can be.

#brought to you by a kindly meant suggestion to eat before a partner’s family dinner event #so I can come and just hang out 💀 #so now I’m gonna have anxiety if I do come and anxiety if I don’t #because if I do go it’s gonna be a whole thing about why I’m not eating and concern about being perceived as rude for not eating #regardless of whether or not anyone actually thinks I’m rude for not eating #and if I don’t go there’ll be the offense that I don’t care enough to go if there’s not food I can eat #and just #ugh #it’s gonna be a whole thing either way #and all because I have a million and one food allergies #and frankly #also a whole bunch of trauma after navigating the majority of my life having to deal with people’s reactions to them #there’s something really fucked up about feeling like asking for food you can safely ingest is a burdensome imposition #and it fucks you up knowing that making food you can safely eat is legitimately a challenge #food issues