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double--blind · 7 months

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(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation

So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?

We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive

It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.

(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)

Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.

Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.

You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.

This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.

It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.

Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.

By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.

It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?

Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?

Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.

Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.

It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.

So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.

Becomes worse.

#honestly??? it's bc he's everything to her that the decay ending where she shoots him is so messed up #so much sadder #I've got something abt that in my drafts somewhere #it might not see the light of day so I'll just say:#imo she isn't shooting Andy‚ she's shooting Andrew #bc if he's so far gone he'd kill her #then her beloved is already dead #the coffin of andy and leyley #tcoaal #ashley graves #coffincest #character analysis #txt post #this is all my interpretation btw hope no one presumes I'm pushing these analyses as fact #to the ppl who read these ty.... you have my heart...... 🫶

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somewhereincairparavel · 2 months

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🐚 Daughter of Neptune headcanons list 🌊 part one..

Note: I've never done a pjo hcs post like this with the aesthetic pictures and everything- but I've been Itching to make a daughter of Neptune one, since I consider myself as a Neptune child. So this is sort of a self insert haha, and I thought it'd fun cuz I have so many hcs abt this, I've only over seen ppl do a daughter of Poseidon one.

Also this one has reader x Jason Grace as romantic pairings, but it isn't the main focus. Like I said, this is a self insert, and I love my bb jason ;) + imagine having Percy as a big brother, goals fr

• Okay so you'd come to Camp Jupiter at the age of 8-9, so you definitely have a considerable amount of childhood before you came to camp. Which only made it harder for you to adapt to the barbaric ways the Roman camp worked.

• Also, Since Neptune was not a very respected Roman god, your arrival was considered bad luck. Octavian made you go through an intense trial (that motherfucker was like 10 years old and an augur, and was already such a bitch lol) + forced a newly elected praetor Reyna (who was also just 10 at the time) to hold a senate meeting before you were even offered a position at camp.

• Neptune is very feared by the romans though, since he represented the harsh brutality of the ocean, so you got the Roman Nico di Angelo treatment from camp. Everyone was scared of you, flinched when you walked passed them. this was to your advantage tho, since you never got bullied, mostly out of fear.

• so Neptune temples in Camp Jupiter are only taken care of by you, if you left for a quest or something then the shrines would be in such a horrible state, bc no one cares enough to offer Neptune anything or even clean up his shrine. You'd do the cleaning and offering.

• and the worst part? Your dad wouldn't even notice you even after your efforts.

• okay, your powers are quite similar to Percy's butt I feel like since Roman/Greek siblings always have powers that compliment eachother, you'd have better control over the earthly side of the domain. Like you can cause longer earthquakes, control seismic waves, and make volcanos erupt + cause bigger avalanches, Stuff like that.

• Your water control was actually a little limited, up until Percy arrived and helped you enhance your powers. And you helped enhance his control over earthquakes, since his earthquakes usually only lasted for a few seconds, his dad is more water dominant. So when you met him, you knew he was a missing puzzle piece in your life. You'd even be able to communicate telepathically to Percy underwater, a power you both never knew you needed.

• Seriously tho it would be hilarious to look at, bc to the others, you both sound like squeaky dolphins but in reality you are just telepathically speaking with one another. The others wouldn't understand, and poor Frank would be so confused as to why you both are making strangled fish noises

Leo would troll you guys so bad for this lol

• your eyes would actually be black. Not blue, not sea green, just black. Your eyes would literally glitter like black obsidian rocks. because Poseidon is the calm side of ocean, hence sea green eyes for Percy, Neptune is the dark and scary side of the ocean, so that's black eyes for you. that difference would clearly reflect in your guys's eye colours AND personality (I'll expand on this more in part 2)

• but your scariness comes with a downside, you had no friends. No friends, except Jason and Reyna. it's just your dad's naturally strict aura surrounding you that makes your overall personality a Lil grumpy and moody tbh. You did have such a resting bitch face that wasn't helping either.

• Jason, being the noble boy he was, knew you were going to be his friend the moment you made a dramatic entrance to camp for the first time, getting scouted by the waves to New Rome. He knew what it was like to have a powerful, scary dad, but he acknowledged and empathized that you had it harder than he did. He was considered a golden boy, while you were considered a scary bad luck charm. But regardless of that, Jason was your first best friend. And eventually, your boyfriend.

• Reyna on the other hand, badly wanted to befriend you because she admired your mental strength, you were 9 years old and you were openly scoffed at by the legionnaires simply because your father was a scary man. Yet you handled it all so well. But she befriended you a little later than Jason did. Since she was so busy, she barely had any time to chat with anyone. You, Jason and Reyna bonded as a trio when you guys had your first quest.

• Reyna secretly shipped you and Jason from the very beginning lol, bc a Jupiter x Neptune union? Y'all were powerful and cute af together. The mutual pining drives her crazy though, like kiss already smh.

• Also, Nicknames! Your nickname was ALWAYS "kelp head" because your hair was wavy and shaped like seaweed lol. As much as you hated to admit it, the name fit a little too well.

• okay enough with the friendship stuff, let's talk about how much that bastard Octavian makes it his mission to make your life a hellhole. It isn't even funny anymore, he hated you from the very beginning. Not only because you were considered bad luck, it's because he envied that you were a direct descendant of such a powerful God, he couldn't even handle Jason's arrival, yours was just the last straw for him. He opposes your opinions in front of the whole senate + prevents you from getting elected as Centurion + attempts to prevent you from going on quests, bc he can't handle someone else taking the glory.

• He was also the reason you were put into the unpopular twelfth legion. The underdog legion. But Jason? That sweetheart made it worth being in the twelfth legion so you weren't complaining tbh.

• honestly? Octavian and you are famous in camp for your bickering though lol it's just always a back and forth between you and him, such burning rivalry and enmity. You LOVED roasting him and you were fucking great at it too. He deserved that for making you go though hell. You'd laugh like a maniac when he trips and he smirks when has the upper hand against you in senate discussions.

• Reyna is the only reason you both didn't beat eachother up at this point tbh

• once, Reyna came running up to you all panicky because Octavian went missing from camp. In response, you beamed and told her that you'd get the balloons ready in the dining hall for a grand celebration. Jason would burst out laughing lol.

• you'd steal his teddy bears and give them to younger campers, asking them to hide it from octavian. So the younger campers absolutely adore you, unlike the older ones.

• you are also quite the rebel in camp, JUST like Octavian predicted you would be, when you first came to camp. It was actually written in his auguries that the new child of Neptune arrival would be always shafting the rules, since the sea can't be controlled. It's in a nature for a Neptune child to walk their own pace (lol have you seen Percy??) That gave another reason for him to hate you.

• Even some of the lares in CJ would call you an abnormal roman bc you never acted like one. You were wild and temperamental.

This rule breaking tendency you had did earn you lots of punishments that included scrubbing the whole camp with a toothbrush. But it was worth it for you. Camp Jupiter sucked. And you were already in trouble, so what's a little more, right?

• you'd sneak out at night to explore New Rome, because again, the Romans had this weird bedtime curfew like. they have rules for every. Fucking. Thing. It pissed you off so bad. They wouldn't even let you explore the city at night? They were seriously wasting the beauty of the city, You'd definitely rope Jason in to break the rules with you. Like don't be such a goody two shoes smh. I feel like that's what attracted him to you in the first place. He's a goody goody boy with such a boring life, youd just make it interesting for him.

• besides, sneaking out is SO much easier when you can fly. So Jason is your personal airplane. The Jason Grace airlines.

• okay so after all your hardwork in the legion, you'd finally get elected to Centurion, after you successfully finished a quest to retrieve a lost Roman artifact, which was formerly Jason's position and he would become a co praetor with Reyna. But you were still very much disrespected in camp tbh, it just became an internalised thing for everyone to hate you at this point, Octavian was also great at putting your reputation under dirt, but you didn't really care anymore.

• now here comes the catch, Jason and you were sort of in a half-pining half-relationship situation, Before that jerk goes missing. because neither of you knew how to confess, and camp was SO strict when it came to relationships for some reason?? Like even dating has to be lowkey.

• you and Jason are totally the grumpy x sunshine trope lol except you're the grumpy, snippy and batshit one and jason is calm, levelheaded and optimistic one.

Perfect balance. Gosh your dynamic would be so cute :(

• you'd just be grumpily stomping around while jason stalks behind you, laughing lightly. You're super short compared to him aswell, so yeah it makes it funnier.

• You were in charge of welcoming Hazel to camp, since Jason and Reyna had some serious meeting stuff about the new prophecy Octavian told them about.

• poor hazel would be scared to death while meeting you, not just bc it's you, it's bc she just came back from the dead, so this is all rlly new for her.

• That's where you met him. Nico di Angelo. You'd bond over your shared mistreatment in camp. So you became homies w him fairly quickly. He saw you as this cool big sister he could have happy meals with talking abt life.

• you would be a little curious when he keeps disappearing off to somewhere tho, you knew he was lying about where he came from.

Okay part 1 of this is done, this was so long lol, part 2 would drop later, that's where you and Percy meet and stuff.

Update: part two is out! https://www.tumblr.com/somewhereinhogsmeade/746489087922520064/daughter-of-neptune-headcanons-list-part-two?source=share

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hvman-scvm · 5 months

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Hi, I heard you were taking requests. Do you write for Krüeger (cod) by any chance? If so, do you have any headcannons Yandere Krüeger x male military reader and how such a relationship might work out?

I do !! :) I didn’t mean 4 this 2 b so short but studying squeezed all the creativity out my brain

!! CW ;; typical yandere stuff, krueger is a bit manipulative, I went by the traditional / og meaning of yandere !!

🔪— yandere ! Krueger who, unlike lots of other yanderes, needed some time for his obsession to flow. It started when your units were sent on a mission 2gether and naturally, he gravitated 2wards the unit’s leader; you.

🔪— he treats you like you belong to him, even if you aren’t in a romantic relationship yet, because he decided you belong to him the moment he felt the nauseating feeling of lovesickness in his guts.

🔪— a relationship would b so hard because of your busy schedules, and he despises it. He’s highly considered kidnapping you but paranoia crept up on him, making him worry abt all the possibilities of you getting hurt while he’s away on deployment.

🔪— he’s always hovering over you when he can, scaring away any potential recruits tht might get a little too brave w you. And even if they did, this sets a target on their head.

🔪— he’s a very straightforward man, and he straight up told you how he felt; no matter if you accept or not, you’re his. This man is not afraid 2 lyk tht he’ll kill 4 you (and he prob did)

🔪— can b cruel and manipulative; lovebombing you, feeding you paranoid thoughts tht others are after you and only he is capable of protecting you, gaslighting you in2 thinking tht his obsession is your fault. But he won’t hurt you physically, you aren’t one of his enemies, you don’t deserve tht. Unless, yk, you like being hurt then he’s more than happy 2 oblige.

🔪— if you accept his love, as intense and insane it is, it wld b easier 4 you then if you didn’t; he’s not afraid 2 use force. You will love him. Doesn’t matter how much manipulation he has to use, or how many rivals he has 2 kill, he will have you. And by openly accepting him before it gets to tht point, you spare yourself a whole psychological battle between you and him.

🔪— not the jealous type, but he’s extremely possessive, and is very open about it.

🔪— like I said in one of the previous HCs, a relationship w him wld b hard bcuz of you two’s job. He’s alway sending you letters tht may or may not b stained w some blood whenever one or the both of you are deployed, and expects you 2 send letters back giving exact details on yourself, like your location and mental being, etc.

🔪— once both of you are free, he makes you cuddle w him. Like, bro just wraps his strong ass arms around you and keeps you in place so tht you can’t move a muscle.

🔪— it’s a possibility tht he’d use trackers on you, especially since he can’t keep an eye on you w your schedules n all.

🔪— uses force 2 get his way, whether it’s physical or not.

🔪— uses your fears against you and then disguises himself as your “savior” 2 get you 2 b reliant on him. As in, he’d put ypu in situations where you’re faced w your fears and come 2 your rescues. Doesn’t matter how irrational or bad the fear is. Scared of the dark ? You get trapped in a dark closet after “some rookie” pushed you in, only 4 Sebastian 2 come help you out. Scared of dying ? Your unit is killed off one by one by a “sniper” and you get fatally shot due 2 a lack of coverage, luckily Sebastian has came 2 cover you and practically saved your life. Scared of bugs ? Suddenly a lot more seem 2 appear in your room, and (rather suspiciously) Sebastian seems 2 b always around 2 kill them 4 you. At the end he’d always remind you in his thick, German accent tht you need him around, etc.

#cod mw2 #cod x male reader #cod mw2 x male reader #🥩.hcs #sebastian krueger x male reader #sebastian krueger

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abyssruler · 2 years

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DOTTORE REQUEST TIME!!!!!!

i may be projecting a bit here but what abt….. a reader who is ill but has an intense phobia of anything medical related, sort of like a hurt/comfort situation? i am physically licking your blog rn. 🕺

an apple a day

dottore x gn!reader

a sick person with intense fear of anything medical related and a doctor with a bit too much homicidal tendencies are locked in a room together. it goes about as well as you would expect — which is to say, not at all. exceptions can be made, however, such as when the sick person is the homicidal doctor’s significant other.

fluff(?), soft dottore, mentioned death and unethical methods (among other stuff) but this is a dottore fic it’s practically a staple

anon, i’m sorry, i know you said hurt/comfort but i am physically unable to write dottore in any genre other than crack, comedy, dark, or spicy stuff. i did try my best tho!

He doesn’t like it when you rebel against him, even less when you get sick. It’s hard to decipher the expression he has on at the moment, but you’ll settle for exasperated.

“I don’t want it!” you yell, cowering in the corner of your bed and raising the blanket up to your mouth.

Dottore stands beside your bed with a pill and a glass of water in both hands. He’s been at it for hours, trying to convince you to drink the medicine he personally made to suit your tastes after you said you didn’t like how bitter medicine always tasted.

“It’s either this or an injection. My patience is running thin, pet.” His voice held the promise of being true to his words. No matter how much it should make you see sense, all you could think about was how that pill would get stuck in your throat and then you’d be subjected to the awful and bitter aftertaste of it, even though he already said it shouldn’t taste that bad.

A shiver runs through you, feeling cold even with two layers of blankets settled on top of you. Your head feels like it’s about to explode, your nose stuffed and throat dry. You know you should just suck it up and drink the pill, but even the thought of doing so makes anxiety creep to your chest. It’s irrational and stupid, Dottore said as much, and he’s right, but as much as you want to be able to just get on with it so you can finally get some much needed sleep, you just can’t. You physically can’t. It feels like your insides are going to twist itself every time you imagine going through with it.

“Or would you prefer one of my segments do this in my place?” He asks, threatens, more like. He knows how rough his younger selves are compared to him, knows that you realize exactly what having them here in his stead would mean. The younger ones would give you a warning just to be nice, a sentiment they don’t offer anyone else, before pinning you down the bed and plunging a needle through your skin to get it over with. Perhaps the older ones would be more gentle with you considering how you feel about it all, but they’re still far less patient than Dottore himself.

You groan in displeasure, feeling stubborn tears well in your eyes at how unfair he’s being. Throwing your blanket over your head, you close your eyes and try and blink the tears away, sniffling as your nose became more runny than it did before. Hiding yourself under the blankets isn’t going to solve anything — it certainly won’t instantly heal your sickness — but it does show how displeased you are with him.

Dottore hums at your behavior. You’re lucky he treasures you as much as he does, else you would have ended up as extra parts in a machine. Anyone else who dared to treat him like this would have met a slow, painful death, and that’s only if he decides they should be granted the luxury of it.

The side of your bed dips with the weight of another person. “What will I have to do to get you to drink your medicine, hm?”

You peek your head from beneath the covers, finding him staring at you, the impatience gone from his eyes. You purse your lips, “I don’t want the pill.”

“And what it is that you want?”

You startle at the question. Thinking for a moment, you recall a memory from your childhood, back in the days when all they had you drink for medicine was—

“Syrup,” you say, blinking up at him almost hopefully. “Something easy to swallow and doesn’t taste bad.”

He reaches a hand to idly twirl a strand of your hair in his finger. “Any other requests?”

“Um, raspberry flavored maybe?”

“Shall I add any sedatives?”

You glare, narrowing your eyes at him in warning. “The last time you did that, I was delirious for a week.”

He grins, showcasing rows of sharp teeth and sounding utterly unapologetic as he says, “Apologies.”

“I mean it. Don’t add anything suspicious to it, okay?” You grab his hand, squeezing it threateningly despite the state you’re in. He gazes down at you with amusement.

“Of course, whatever my pet wants.”

“And stop calling me your pet, people will think it’s some weird kink.”

Dottore’s lips twist, an almost teasing lilt to it — or as teasing as he can be. “Isn’t it, though?”

“I’m gonna blow my nose on you.”

He laughs.

#this is based on my experience as a kid when the nurses had to hold me down to the bed and pinch my nose to get me to drink my medicine #a very nice traumatizing memory i look back on with fondness #is dottore ooc here? probably. but you know what they say. love changes a person #<- me trying to justify writing a character ooc #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #dottore x reader #il dottore x reader #gn reader

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 2 years

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just wanted to say i just finished rereading animorphs and started sniffing around for good animorphs posts and ended up backreading your blog like 30 pages bc so many good posts!! i have an intense involuntary cringe reaction to fanfic (to be clear i don't think fanfiction is inherently cringey it's a stupid thing my brain does) that makes it hard for me to read them but i am going to fight that and i am going to win bc i really wanna read your stuff!

also i have Thoughts abt like how visser 3 is kind of an ineffective cartoon villain but in a way that perfectly fits with the more serious tone of animorphs and it's just really interesting. and i am curious if other ppl have talked about it...

I agree that Visser Three is really cartoony — bombastic, egotistical, ineffective — and that it fits with the overall series pretty well. A lot of the time he's the source of dark humor, because of course Animorphs is a fount of dark humor. ("He scanned the room like the Queen of Hearts, looking for someone to behead" — #33; "'Project Obedience success has been achieved, thanks to the genius of Visser Three!'/ 'How to you program a computer to kiss butt like that?' Tobias wondered." — #28) But still, mostly humor. Not fear.

But I wouldn't want Visser Three to be too complex or misunderstood or tragic, because his role in the series works really well as is. He's there to be an obstacle for the kids to face, and for them to grow and learn as they face him. Having him be obsessed with andalite superiority (Hork-Bajir Chronicles) is a really nifty detail, and that's about all the character complexity we need. His exhausted, near-casual surrender (#54) is a gut-punch of emphasizing that no victory is absolute, and that's about all the character development we need.

Like, look at all the places where trying to make the villain to complex has failed. Harry Potter 6 spends a crap-ton of time on Voldemort's backstory, while also not revealing much of anything we didn't already know from HP 2, and if anything it just makes Voldemort exasperating rather than interesting. At the opposite extreme, the MCU fleshing out Loki meant that some fans (who must really hate New York) have unironically argued that he is Just Misunderstood and the Avengers are wrong to stop him.

Same with Avatar. Youtubers Lily Orchard and Overly Sarcastic Productions have talked about how Last Airbender under-developing Ozai is exactly the right call. His simplicity allows us to focus on the complexity of the heroes, and allows all moral questions to be about how to fight him rather than whether to fight him. This is clearest in contrast to Legend of Korra, which spends tons of time developing its villains with the result that they start to seem too sympathetic (Kuvira), un-scary (Yakone), logicking themselves in circles (Amon), or just annoying (Zaheer). Not only that, but the ends vs. means discussion gets lost amid characters deciding which side of conflicts to fight on. And even those decisions inevitably get tabled because of the need to have a good-vs.-evil battle in the finale.

Anyway, Visser Three wants to take over Earth because he wants to take over Earth. And he wants to kill the Animorphs because they're preventing him from taking over Earth. And that's a good thing, because it allows the story to focus on what it'll take to stop him and what it'll cost the protagonists along the way, with no hand-wringing about whether he should be stopped at all.

#animorphs #animorphs meta #yeerks #visser three #villains #writing #story structure #avatar #harry potter #antagonists

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fcknstar · 1 year

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,, held at gunpoint "

- harryosborn x fem!reader

a.n : uhhh i kinda changed the storyline abit to make it fit. im not sure if im satisfied with it or not. i actually hope its readable lmao. i realized how some of danes roles have him holding guns and stuff. so i kinda thought abt it. i realized im more into writing and reading dark shit, and am trying to make it good. any feedback will be gladly accepted!

warnings : mentions of gun , hair pulling , hints of losing mind ig??

**lowercase intended**

being harrys assistant wasnt so bad until you found out he liked waving his gun around. he liked the fear people had knowing that he could kill them within seconds. he liked having people on their knees begging for their life. he liked being in control. so when he grabbed you by your hair and pushed you infront of him, forcing you to lead the way to where the equipments were after he caught you researching about it, you knew you had to follow his orders. but harrys little dream was crushed when donald menken came in and framed harry for covering up the death of max dillon and removed him from his position, harry was furious. everything that seemed to go well didnt.

" put the gun down harry. " donald warned sternly. he was scared of harry, but knowing that he had fired harry from his position engulfed the fear with ego and pride.

harry had loosened the grip on your hair, allowing you to step aside from the chaos. but with the pounding pain in your head, you tripped. donald then tried to help you up only to be yelled by harry.

" dont, dont you dare touch her " aiming the gun at donald. when the security guards started advancing towards harry, volts of electricity passed through their heart, which immediately stopped it ; killing them. donald was frozen, everything wasnt going to plan. you on the other hand was terrified. you didnt think that this was included in the work description. trying to run, harry was quick enough to grab your wrist and pull you towards him.

" finish him " harry nodded towards electro, who gladly took on the job.

placing the gun below your chin, lifting it up and locking gaze with you, " pow.. " he cooed. he saw how your chest moved up and down fast. he saw how the color drained from your face. saw how your hand gripped his shirt as if it was your only way of begging for your life.

" shh, dont worry. i wont hurt you. in fact, i need you " caressing your cheeks, your neck with the gun. with his gun now against your shoulder, he spun you around and kicked your feet as a signal for you to start walking. electro had left by now, wanting to finish spiderman as fast as possible. upon reaching the room, you noticed how harrys eyes lit up when he saw the venom.

" fill it up. now " pushing you towards the container that filled with rows of venom. gripping the now filled injection, harry eyed you. he noticed how scared you look. he didn't enjoy it as much as he remembered you as a cheeky assistant who loved joking around. he admired how on task you were and how serious you were if you needed to be. but this new found expression on your face broke his heart. jerking his gunned arm towards you, you grabbed his arm, slowly pushing the needle in, injecting the venom in his blood.

" thats it, what a good girl you are " harry chuckled, trying to mask the intensive pain he felt throughout his body. was it working?

dropping the injection down right after all the venom has been injected, you backed away. harrys eyes faltered when reality hit him. did he really want this? to destroy himself. in front of the girl he dearly wanted? no. it wasnt but its too late as his mind started to fog up with morbid scenes that flashed around. barely meeking a " run " , he dropped to his knees, trying to rip the black clothing that felt tight around his muscles. you heard his warnings, and quickly ran and grabbed the abandoned gun that was next to him.

having your front facing harry, you were horrified to see the changes in him. this isnt the harry you knew. harry was someone you could run to whenever you had a problem. but the sad part was he didnt see you as a comfort place. or at least thats what you thought. you knew harry for months and you only noticed how close and touchy he became when the disease started fogging up. running out of the building, you peered over your shoulder, hesitant to leave harry in there, with his distraught mind.

#imagines #oneshots #dane dehaan #harry osborn x reader #tasm!harry osborn #tasm!harry osborn x reader #valerian #valerian and the city of a thousand planets #valerianxreader

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fearlessinger · 2 years

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I watched the Mark Oshiro interview and noted down the rrverse-relevant passages for y'all

(I would rec watching the vid in its entirety if you have time to kill; Mark is super charming and thoughtful, just like I remembered them from their "Mark Watches" days, and says a lot of interesting stuff abt writing and the publishing industry in general)

– Rick had the full outline ready: major arcs & themes figured out already

– there’s stuff in the outline Rick had been planning for years, he had it sitting for a while

– Rick sought Mark out specifically, then Mark was asked to “audition” by writing the first 3 chapters that would be later seen by various ppl including some of the Disney publishing ppl. Mark decided to tweak/change some stuff. Kept 90% of the outline changed a 10%. They felt they needed to figure out/visualize things that weren’t in Rick’s outline, that were left unspecified there (the way Mark talks abt it, it feels like it’s mainly worldbuilding/lore stuff they are talking abt). Mark says Becky Riordan was very helpful with this, she knows the canon deets better than Rick.

– Rick wanted Mark to write first draft bc even tho the story is Rick’s, he wanted it to be told through an authentically queer perspective, with the nuance and sensibility that he as a straight man doesn’t feel capable of understanding/conveying.

– There’s things in the final draft that Oshiro decided to leave to Rick bc they felt Rick knew the characters better

– Oshiro talks abt the reactions of the ppl who have read the quasi final drafts and how one of the Disney editors said the book was for rrverse fans “like Spiderman No Way Home was for spiderman fans”, meaning this is a book that respects the identity these characters have built through the prev books and the history they have while still managing to take them somewhere new, which is exactly what Mark was trying to accomplish, and which they say “Rick is deeply thoughtful about. He cares a lot.” – Mark wanted to give these characters their due and also (said in a lighthearted but also clearly committed & passionate manner) make the gayest Percy Jackson book ever published

– talks a bit about an upcoming horror YA book of theirs and calls it “the fist dual pov book I’ve written”. The book comes out march 2023, it seems likely Mark’s started working on this before the solangelo book so… probably means nothing re: whose pov solangelo is told from?

– Mark thinks Rick has the ability to inject levity in extremely dark moments without lowering the intensity/stakes, which is essential when writing for middle graders while still wanting to take the story to emotionally challenging places, but very few authors can do it as well and as effectively (I AGREE)

– there’s a scene in the solangelo book where Mark kinda wrote themselves into a corner bc it was too scary and they realized it might not fly for the intended readership “and then I thought of the silliest way to deflate the terror” and they are very proud of that bc they feel they captured the quintessential Riordan tone. Bc the PJO books are great and complex and telling important stories etc but quote: “they’re fucking weird as hell” too.

– Mark actually only started reading the saga in 2018. Read them all in a week and was like the Lady Gaga meme. At the time they feel like they were only missing TON (if this was 2018 they were missing TTT too so either they are misremembering the year they read them in, or that they were missing TTT too). They reread them all when TON came out, and twice again last year.

– “the best time to start reading Percy Jackson is always.”

– They know it’s cheesy but their fave char from the moment he was introduced was Nico, and there’s a big reason for it that Mark can’t talk about bc it’s stuff that is in the solangelo book. It’s plot spoilers. Mark will be free to say it when the press tour for the book starts. (This seems contradictory tbh but it is how Mark explains it)

– They like Annabeth and Grover a lot

– “My favorite surprise character that at the beginning I was like ‘ehhhhh’ and at the end I was like ‘I would die for him’ was Apollo.”

– after reading series 1 Mark was like how are there 10 more of these where can this story possibly go, and then Rick did “a thing” (no spoilers) in series 2 that made the narrative world bigger, and then he did “another thing” in series 3 that concerns the character of Apollo, “and Apollo grew on me so much”, he goes “from the most annoying character on the face of the planet who judges everyone around to ‘all of these demigods are my children and I will murder for them’, it’s just incredible to watch that whole thing happen. Which means I also love Meg, and I love Meg’s growth too”

– there’s another character too that Mark loves and feels deserved the spotlight so they put them in the new book. “We don’t talk abt them enough” (Mark’s kinda joking as they say this, tho the love feels sincere)

– Mark’s godly parent would be Hades whom they liked in the PJ books but also always liked in general and share an aesthetic with

#mark oshiro #rrverse #the upcoming solangelo book #idk what else to tag this

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schizosupport · 26 days

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Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

#answers

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highoncatfood · 3 months

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updated version of my music taste diagram. tell me this makes sense

tried so hard to find sth else tht would fit in the middle better but ive got nothing tht i listen to enough for me to consider it part of my taste, so harley poe was the only choice but it is kind of a reach..

the other overlaps make so much sense in my head tho

nelward has the same funky, unconventional instrumentals as lemon demon but with the drums' sappy love/break up song lyrics and feel to it

csh and the drums r SO similar in both their delivery and melodies and instrumentals in general but cshs lyrics r often more upsetting and they express emotions better, which black dresses r so fuuuuuucking good at. they both also touch on topics of like. living in a shit society/the fuckedupness of the world i guess. plus queer struggles obviously

diet tea other cola gives me black dresses vibes bcuz its usually super chaotic but sometimes makes these sudden instrumental switches to much calmer melodies; but also the literal screaming and coughing and wheezing and other various noises they both do. lol and song titles too; and it reminds me of lem dem sometimes cuz of unusual/specific subject matters/making a whole song revolve around one thing i guess

and harley poe is like. its punk and touches on dark/gross topics in a blunt enough way to remind me of black dresses; the way they sing abt (past) lovers/relationships makes me think of the drums and csh, tho here its much more uhhh intense in a different way. and then lemon demon - similar themes of and references to supernatural/fantasy/folk stuff and culture; especially reminds me of older lem dem like hip to the javabean

#official music post #gadanie #lemon demon #black dresses #the drums #car seat headrest #diet tea other cola #nelward #harley poe #wwwwwaaa #im so so tired

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redswaberkez · 7 months

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NOW CAN I HEAR UR HCS FOR P1 AND P2? >:)

NHGRRRR STRAINIG MY BRAIN our hcs also kinda same buutt anywayyyyy

there is kindaa a longread sooo

- Among all dudes only P1 and sch.. sc.. SHTOPOR were at war (p1) or served in the army (shtopor (airbone)) - has sufficient paramedical skills due to military service - his hobbies are playing guitar and singing. Punk-like singing. Grunge-like singing. Not even singing, I would say SCREAMING - he doesnt understand almost all jokes. And if hes trying to make a joke probably its gonna be dark as hell\unfunny\scary\obscure or dad puns*tm (rare) - "You cant sleep now. Monsters are nearby" - can speak german - "Demonic voice wont shut the fuck up. Please help me." - P1 is very diff in comparison to other dudes. He is so serious. He is the one at party who stays in the corner (meme ref they dont know that [...]) - scary mask amd skary voice is only a cover. Deeply inside he is very gentle and caring. But nobody knows this. - He IS an antihorny. He HATES nudity - my todays dream is revealed that he has Cain (like cain and abel ykno) vibes. Im not joking. It was in my dream. and Im gonna stick to it. I DONT KNOW BIBLE THO!!!!!!!!! my mom just once mentioned cain yesterday AND HERE WE GO - he struggles with religion SO MUCH. (im not gonna explain it rn. im doin a fcking comic on it) - Hes always on the verge of a mental breakdown. But he perfer to not think abt it and go VIOLENT that let his true emotions out - migraine survivor - imo he is a cleany one, and his own hygiene is GOOD, altho he doesnt use hairbrush that often. - "Gifted but lazy kid" in the past. "Academic perfomance flew off. You need to show him to a doc. He Could If He Wanted To." - p1 doesnt smoke or drink. He actually doesnt do all these unhealty stuff - oh GOD LORD am NOT your STRONGEST SOLDIER😭

- Can you gib me an ibuprofen. My head are exploding rn (literally) - homophobic bisexual - lit had married his wife cuz he didnt know his bi and thats the reason why their marriage is SHIT - postal dudess (i dont like word doe :/) is his younger sister - he would kill for her and she would kill for him. I love them sm. - also has struggles with religion, but less intense than p1, p2 actually solved them later (gonn explain it laterrrr) - his organism is a fucking garbage but somehow his addictions doesnt damage him that much. - stinky rat. Shower? more like shower of deodorant AHAHSHAH - Hes always perked up, always joking and funny and unfunny, horny, shit, sarcastic etc jokes. - His language is Sarcasm - "im gonna кмs in front of them just to switch trajectory of their lives LMAOOOOO" - Also Lazy Gifted kid*tm - "Evil as weekend entertainment)" - Would like to play drums - p2, p3 and shtopor would drink together - His sunglasses is his trademark, he doesn't go anywhere without his sunglasses. - AND OF COURSE he has his own OPINIONS ON EVERYTHING. Even if hes wrong. He is stubborn as fuck. You can't argue with him. - He can sleep literally anywhere. Even in a ditch (he did). And you cant woke him up. - The three S bingo*tm - stupid sadistic and suicidal - Jack of all trades, master of none - He is very private, when it comes to touch, altho he has a touch starvation - therefore ^ his love language is touch and tactile connection

Idk for now thst all 😖

#ask #postal

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starredforlife · 8 months

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frost, fireside, cider, orchard! 👻

hiiii bradley !! <3 thank you for the ask!!!

frost - if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?

take up a hobby sport to stay fit!! swimming or soccer or smthn. convince your parents to only speak to you in spanish so you keep it better after south america. if i'm in high school i would honestly try to re-prioritize from getting excellent grades to more animation/art/friends and self-care focus. i was in a v intensely academic high school track that ultimately helped me very little. and i would tell me to get in a little more trouble. i was a very boring teenager and i would've survived with a dash of idiocy.

fireside - if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?

SUCH A GOOD QUESTION ughhh um!! and very difficult to answer!!! a lot of my dream wardrobe to me feels like i need the per-requisite of getting and staying fit. and i shouldn't believe that but also a lot of fashion trends do not favor the wide hipped mascs lol. past that insecurity, i really do like v simple/classic stuff. i don't have big fashion ambitions. i am going to wear a black tshirt and jeans and a belt and boots as often as i can. accessorize with some silver jewelry. ideally i'd own a lot more cool jackets (leather, aviator, canvas, vests) and i'd stop being a WEENIE abt putting art and patches on them. more bigass dark boots. i love my fingerless leather gloves and i want to get more. i'd get a couple more piercings and tattoos too! and then for formal stuff i'd get some suits (not like tuxes but fun classy suits), dress shoes, watches. mmmm and then i hate summer clothing bc i hate wearing shorts and dresses so i need to grab some shitty cargo shirts and tank tops. i like cosplaying as someone much more competent and manual than the full-time cartoon artist i am kdslj

cider - a food that you disliked as a child but now enjoy?

im a comilon i like a lot of food but i v specifically dislike fish and strong cheese and i still don't eat either but i'll tolerate cheddar or parmesan in small amounts now

orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn.

camping tripppp i need to get out of my house and see the stars under a bonfire and touch grass so bad oh my god. also a concert if i have the time. maybe hozier :]

autumnal asks (these are so good pretty please ask me <;3)

#star's asks #thank you for the asks!!! these are so fun

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rolloollor · 4 months

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First of all, love all the work you do for the mallerollo shippers out there <3 Second of all, you probably answered this before, but do you have any plans for writing about other twst ships (immaculate taste btw, i love a fellow silsebe and leovil enjoyer, and even better a sebek lover in general)? Would love to hear any potential ideas abt them!!

Thank you, that's sweet of you to say! 💖

I love Sebek so much, he's my favorite Diasomnia~

This is a good question. I've answered similar before, but I don't mind answering it again.

I don't have any solid plans for writing any other pairing at the moment. Part of this is just my feverish intensity when it comes to mallerollo, but also because... Well, mallerollo has 35 fics on ao3. Total! I've posted 7 so far, which means my stuff makes up 20% of the fics in that tag. If we go by word count, my fics probably make up a majority. The other pairs I like, silsebe, leovil, jackvil, idoazu, all have over 100 fics. So, this maybe sounds strange, but part of my willingness to write for mallerollo comes from this feeling that the tag "needs" help. It's not like no one would write for them if I didn't, but the tag would be even smaller than it already is. I think I've written the only longfics in English so far... There's one in Spanish, but they haven't updated in quite some time.

I will say that I was very tempted to have silsebe be a background pairing in Dark Fire/From the Ashes. I decided not to do that because I don't like reading fics for one pairing where the author includes a side couple that I don't care for, so I figured others would feel the same. But as far as I'm concerned, whenever I include both Silver and Sebek, they're either together or in the process of getting there. I just don't show it. Which is kind of a copout but so it goes.

Eventually, though, I'll run out of ideas/motivation for mallerollo. Such is life. It's possible I'll decide to move on to something else. Silsebe is the next smallest pairing, so there's that... For these other couples, an idea would have to pop up in my mind that was so appealing that I couldn't say no. It could happen kind of at any time. Who knows?

#rllr asks #mallerollo

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felikatze · 1 year

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ok wait sitting on the arval stuff more (three hopes spoilers riu dni)

also i havent done the arval paralogue bcuz like. on god i'm not replaying this game rn cuz i will get burnout so bad

also this was the recruit byleth route on azure gleam so. again i am NOT replaying immediatly because i like the game but i also like myself.

ok ok so i think arval eventually betraying shez was set up really well actually.

the game does a good slowburn job of setting up that at some point shez just doesn't care abt defeating byleth anymore.

shez and arval initially are united in purpose, partners in destiny, but when shez joins one of the houses and becomes an important commander in a war, their personal revenge starts appearing insignificant to them and is eventually outweighed by their newfound trust and love for their friends.

additionally as they realize the connection arval and their power holds to those who slither in the dark, they grow afraid of their own power. the power they got from arval.

in azure gleam (and other routes similarly, probably) their fear grows so intense after unveiling how much tragedy those who slither brought into their friends' lives that they ask dimitri to strike them down should they ever turn their blade against their friends.

and, yknow, shez themself wouldnt just kill their friends willy-nilly. "if i ever turn my blade on you" actually means "if arval ever turns my blade on you." by making this request they acknowledge the possibility arval would do this.

whereas shez's drive for revenge fades, arval's only intensifies. arval's wrath drives a further wedge between them and shez, who starts to feel horror at arval's intent.

arval likely regained some degree of their memory when byleth went sothis mode, as seen by how fucking mad they got even before truly becoming epimenides again.

so like yeah this plot development was well-foreshadowed. and i think the map where you fight shez slaps. absolutely banger moment.

howeverrrrr. after that. i can accept epimenides banishing the three lords to the shadow realm as a cost-cutting measure because every route needs to resolve the arval plot and it would be hard to justify doing it differently three times so whatever. have a convergence point i dont care.

BUT. arval accepts becoming epimenides as their destiny. "i was always meant to become you," they say. but like? shez doesn't? shez never seems to acknowledge that the arval they know is gone. this is why i expected arval to show up again! bcuz. shez doesnr accept that they are the one who killed arval.

throughout the endgame they will still occasionally reference arval as their friend and like. pretend talk to arval in a more "if you could see me now" type of way but

epimenides makes it pretty clear that they (epimenides refers to themself as a man so did arval legit just forget their own gender? arval has so much transgender swag) don't really value shez and them calling shez their partner in destiny just felt like mockery to be honest. like oh you're not doing what i want so i'm gonna take over your body against your will you peon fuck you. that's the vibe on epimenides.

and then you gotta ask yourself how much arval actually valued shez for them to just become epimenides without a fight? without hesitation? cuz yknow typically in stories like this the power of friendship will snap whoever out of it which is what happens to shez but not to arval. arval just accepts what they've become and they die for it. the end. fin.

again!!! arval accepts this!! shez doesn't! it's such a weird dissonance. ig it's kinda subversive that power of friendship doesn't actually save arval but it still feels like a rugpull.

also suuuuper bad taste in my mouth from the azure gleam ending where like. thales and epimenides and all those slither guys talk about purifying the world from beasts right? reclaiming their rightful home above the surface by killing sothis? and at the end rhea says that she will purify the land by killing those who slither in the dark.

so it's like. both sides r the same. and the implication that sothis is the one who banished the agarthans to shamballah or wherever to let humans live in fodlan instead is. eh. everyone is the hero of their own story ig.

maybe i just dont know enough abt fe3h deeplore (<- has only played blue lions routes bcuz replaying academy phase gave him burnout and he hasnt picked three houses up since)

anyway this is just my experience. and my opinion

tldr: tho arval's betrayal is set-up really good and the first half of it is epic the actual fight against epimenides feels lacking because of how differently shez and arval feel about the situation with no attempt by the narrative to reconcile this dissonance.

#feli speaks #few3h #take a shot everytime i finish a video game and immediatly make a ramble essay abt ir #maybe i will actually play another route of three houses. and finally get like. lore #blue lions ily but goddamn you have NO fucking clue of what's going on behind the scenes in fe3h #the story is GOOD in how it hones in specifically on dimitri's development and that OWNS i love it but it does come at the cost #of the big picture stuff #'whoops ig el turned into a demon. time to kill her with no context!'

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woosh-floosh · 1 year

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IDW Sonic Issue 58

A new issue came out this week! Yippee!!

Last issue I focused a lot on Lanolin because I thought she was the star of the issue, being a new character and all. This issue I think the star of the issue is.... Thomas Rothlisberger?

Yes!! This is Rothlisberger's first penciling job for a WHOLE mainline issue! He did about four pages in issue 43, a story in the 2022 annual, and the majority of Imposter Syndrome! However I think the thicker lineart and strong cel shading made his artwork look a little stiff. I think the thinner lines more subdued coloring by Matt Herms really brings out more of the character in his style.

And Holy Shit the character!! Rothlisberger draws characters with such fun goofy expressions and there's so much movement in all the character poses! Wow, just makes you want to get up and draw, doesn't it? He also brings a lightheartedness that I think has been missing from the comics a while.

As much as I love ABT's interiors his style does seem to give off an overly serious tone. I think from all the fun banter and character interactions it's obvious this arc is supposed to be more lighthearted and fun that I didn't really pick up on from the previous issue. It makes sense after watching two incredibly traumatized children self sabotage themselves that we would now pivot to something lighter. Chao Races and Badnik bases followed the metal virus saga as a fun palette cleanser, and that's one of my favorite arcs! We also get a more healthy depiction of how to move past and deal with trauma from Whisper, it's nice to have her back!

There's a lot of characters running around this issue but I think Flynn handles it well! The more emotional stuff is only handled between three characters and all the fun bot busting is left up to the bigger team. The last arc felt a bit narrow in scope of characters which made sense for the emotional intensity and themes, but I missed having all my favorite guys on screen! And now team dark's about to show up too?? Guess we'll have to wait till next month!

#idw sonic #idw sonic 58 #sth #yes!! I am going to continue to write these because they are fun ^_^

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m00n-pr1sm · 2 years

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Okay listing my changes if I were to rewrite morgana, somewhat canon compliant bc I think abt her. A lot. I have not been around to menace on tumblr so have this rant I wrote up a week or so ago + I wrote some extra stuff

-explore her negative feelings more, her guilt and belief that she’s a monster and also her desire for acceptance, also interesting if they incorporated that into a conquering of the social sphere (like just making her so2 lol, I do think she’s actually so2 but like making her a more obvious one, jk I don’t think she is anymore). Like I just want to see her love need explored more,, I actually really like how the crystal cave episode explores this, she’s rejected by uther as his daughter and this is what breaks her (interestingly Katie McGrath said in an interview that this was morgana’s turning point and that she genuinely believed if she has accepted she wouldn’t have gone down the path she did). I’m also watching nge (neon genesis evangelion) and the character exploration on that show is top tier, like I love deep dives into a character’s psyche. honestly just wanted to mention it bc I love it

-don’t throw away the friendship established w gwen and Merlin (okay I can understand Merlin bc he literally poisoned her lol) ,, like not just bc I’m a loud morgwen shipper but just bc they genuinely loved and cared for each other but the show throws that all away, more doubt over her choices due to the ppl she cares abt. Or at least make her turn against them feel more personal than just seeing them as obstacles to get past (like if gwen is killed she will never be queen, like dawg she was ur best friend for years).

-don’t make the entire turn of her character off screen, like if ur going to make her evil,,, actually show a good progression,, than just unwillingly “evil” and clearly shaken by the unintentional consequences of her actions to just “yeah Camelot needs to burn I need to become queen and who cares about innocent ppl”. Like you can sorta infer what happens in her time with morgause, she manipulates morgana in her poor mental state, feeding on her feelings of betrayal, pushing the idea she’s the only one she can trust all that stuff, but from a viewer standpoint it seems too sudden, like she became so intensely ruthless?

-I honestly really would’ve loved to see her have a divide, where she realizes that what morgause pushed on her, this idea of becoming queen and realizing this is not what she wanted at all. I want more internal conflict and polarity. I would’ve loved morgana having a internal crisis lol, maybe even a proper redemption arc

-a shower thought but in the dark tower episode it would’ve been so chilling if she dresses up or emulates as what she looked like in earlier season to sell the idea of “we’re friends gwen” + bc she’s more desperate for her than I am for my perfect partner and I’m sx5,,, but there’s some logistical issues and I’ve decided to stop minding her hair (Okay this one fic actually addressed the metaphorical implications of her hair in s4/5 fuck it was so good) bc I love a 4F girlboss OR just have Gwen have a vision of her (which I’ve seen done in fics AND IT’S SO COOL)

-make her even more snarky in earlier seasons I love snarky morgana

-also her sibling hood w Arthur do more than just acknowledge it a few times,,, they really should’ve kept in that scene where he asked what went wrong (the deleted dark tower scene). I do think it’s justifiable for her to resent him because she sees him as an extension of uther.

-my typology rants abt her are a whole separate spiel, anyways the world resentment was there y’all could’ve just made her a sp1 OR sx6. I also wish fi-ni sx4 was real. VELF morgana always stays winning, passive volition morgana is weird. Also sorta wish she wasn’t so2 bc SEE would’ve been cool too, but I’ll take EIEL

LOLOL old ignore all that she’s sx4 ESI IF(S)

-I just really wish she had a better through-line, like some thing that kept her arc consistent bc evaluating it as a whole it’s sorta a mess, and her motivations just feel so reduced by s5, to just I want Arthur dead lol <3, like ofc she’s not exactly in the best mental state but it feels shallow. I do wish they kept her maybe more morally gray with genuine idealism for a better world; resentment towards Camelot but still an inner conflict regarding her loved ones, all that. SHE COULD’VE BEEN A REALLY COOL SO7!!

I love her though anyways, ty for infinite brainrot

#bbc merlin #morgana #morgana pendragon #me ranting about merlin’s writing but I have to bring in typology

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