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nerdygaymormon · 9 months

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You know... I don't know why, but part of me feels a draw to look into Mormonism. This blog is one reason, but another reason is because of how happy Mormons seem to be... I'm not sure if they'd really want me around though because I'm non-binary, supportive of LGBTQ+ rights and don't really want any kids because of how trauma made me need to focus on myself so much. I just don't have the energy to raise anyone... Then there's the small "problem" of me being kind of witchy too in my own subtle way.

Still... when I look at Mormons, I feel a little jealous of the kind of community y'all seem to have. It's like you're all part of a really big family. That's something I've craved since childhood... having a stable and non-abusive family to call my own... maybe that's what I'm trying to look for when I say I want to look into Mormonism... but again, who would want someone like me, considering that I'm transitioning and don't want to get rid of this part of myself?

I don't know... but still, I want to learn more for one reason or another, despite everything. Do you have any advice or resources I could look into? Thank you.

~Applejack-Yarn

Mormons do have a reputation for being happy, and we are good at building a sense of community.

I think the sense of happiness comes from a couple things. There's a strong push to be engaged in doing service and donating to causes. The focus on family seems to have a positive impact on the mental health of children. Mormon theology offers a sense of purpose and a meaning to life. The Mormon code of health (no coffee, tea, alcohol, tobacco) contributes to a healthier lifestyle. There's also an emphasis on education.

Mormons have a strong sense of community. I love that to you it feels like we're part of a really big family. We're encouraged to go each Sunday, and often have an activity or meeting during the week. That's more than I see my neighbors! One way we're encouraged to attend weekly is we're given assignments (we refer to them as "callings'), such as teaching a class or leading the music, which means we're always interacting with each other and that builds relationships.

In many ways it is nice, but if you don't fit in then it's not always so great. Being queer is one way a person doesn't fit as the church hasn't yet incorporated queer people into its theology, such as its views of what heaven is like or what is our purpose in life. It's hard to be in a space and hear rejecting messages and feel like I'm broken or not wanted or can't be good enough.

One of the great things about the rise of social media is Mormons who don't fit the mold found each other and can see we're not alone. I think even in online spaces like Tumblr, we we work to build a sense of community, and that feels comforting.

By all means, feel free to follow us and to engage with us. I suggest following the hashtag #queerstake. Btw, a local Mormon congregation is called a ward and a collection of several wards is called a stake, thus queerstake.

As for resources, I've been thinking and I'm not sure what to recommend. I think interacting with queer Mormons is likely the best, and you can find many of us at queerstake (queerstake also is used on other social media platforms)

#queerstake

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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 2 months

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I'm not sure you need people to announce that they're just here for fun? it's tumblr...surely that can be assumed?

i dunno sometimes it seems like when you say this stuff it's a bit of a straw man argument because I don't really see anyone on here taking this stuff that seriously. we are not larries! no one is claiming Paul's kids are fake or anything lmao. yes people like to look at the history but again it's tumblr, it's just for fun.

maybe there is a whole other delusional side to beatles tumblr that i am not seeing, but i think maybe if people are getting mad when you argue with their dumb little posts it's just cause they think that you, in fact, DO want to spoil the party!

I have been waiting for someone to make this joke ever since I got that url. Have had to make it myself often <3

1. "we are not larries" is an incredibly low bar.

2. the specific contents of theories isn't the only thing that makes them conspiratorial. it's about the way they're argued.

3. Actually, I am thinking of One Specific Event from about a year and a half ago that was treated as people "spoiling the party" when in fact it was an example of good faith engagement with a seriously worded discussion post.* Maybe you missed that, and it's not like it's a super common occurrence. But in hindsight, I don't find it surprising given the climate here.

*I can provide more details on this specific thing in DMs if someone is curious. I don't wanna hash it out on main, especially since I was only peripherally involved.

4. This isn't about whether tumblr is your space to have fandom fun – I do assume that. It's about whether someone is making arguments in jest or if they mean them seriously. Both of these things might be fun to someone (but maybe I could have worded that point better in the original tags).

5. No, no fake kids, and this fandom isn't plagued by a central figure who's to blame for all the "bad stuff". Plus, it's "decentralized", so no singular entity is controlling some super specific narrative. This definitely keeps the space in check. That's part of it though: it's all very sociological, which makes my issue difficult to address because most single posts aren't a problem in of themselves, but there's a tangible vibe to the whole thing. That's also why I want to tread lightly here; I know a lot of it is a joke, but it's hard to tell what isn't. Like, yeah, I've been passive-aggressive lately, but I've also been watching this for a long time. And I regularly see things I perceive as a strawman against my position as well as absolutist rhetoric, which reads just as much as picking a fight as any of my recent posts do. If you talk about there only being "one explanation" for something, what is that, other than putting forward your theory as true? Is it really Not Serious? Every time? Even when the post is presented in a serious way, with sources and evidence? People on this site talk about what they expect Mark Lewisohn to include in his Definitely Trying To Be Serious And Factful biography series. Those demands are never serious? And I don't want to just ruin people's fun for no reason! But I also have a hard time dismissing every single thing that Sounds Kind Of Serious as Probably A Joke (and I do do it, pretty regularly) And I semi-often see people doing things that set off my alarm bells, even when they are not proclaiming Stella McCartney to be a lifelong actress. (reminder that several people on here freaked about the For Paul tapes story being semi-debunked last November; like actively scorned people who were trying to figure out how that story came about and where it originated. That's not normal, sorry to say! And, funnily enough, about a year ago, there was a blog on here pushing a very very very esotheric version of McLennon [and even trying to monetize it] and while most people dismissed them for the kook they were, they splashed onto the tumblr scene in an identical way [saying something that amounted to: "how dare you imply this apocryphal Paul McCartney quote might be fake?"] –––– so my question is: is it not that serious? I Don't Know You Tell Me!)

6. This is @ me mostly, I guess. I just feel like this space has become more and more of a monoculture. Shipping is the default angle with which everything is approached. If John and Paul write songs that are maybe not about each other that's not often seen as worth diving into. (See: Beautiful Boy tinhatting). I actually want to try and change this; get more diverse content on this site, but I guess I assume it's not welcome, which is on me, really. I have slides explaining my specific reading of Double Fantasy (yes, seriously) and there isn't really much stopping me from posting them, outside the fact that most people on here seem to have a very different relationship to the songs from the album than I do, so I assume they won't care. But y'know, I'll try to just Make More Content and see what that does. (For the record I know that sounds whiny. And I do seriously want to do better on that front)

#ask #anon #discourse #fiona.docx

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celtic-crossbow · 3 months

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Hey there! <3

There's just something that has been on my mind lately and I just really wanted to get rid of it, I'm really not the best when it comes to expressing what I feel but I will try to this time.

This account means a lot to me, like a safe space. Your writting is beyond lovely, it brings so much comfort to me, even on hard times. It might look like just words to some, but they mean a lot to me. I don't normally reveal this to anyone, but I used to struggle with self-harming, I've been clean for a year now. But lately, I had been wanting to do it again after seeing something that made me very upset; but when I visited your account and read one of your works, those thoughts immediately flew away.

It's funny how we manage to cause so much impact on someone, and be completely unaware of it.

I'll kindly ask you to not be so hard on yourself, you don't deserve it, and I hope that one day you manage to find some peace of mind. It honestly hurts me that seemingly only the sweetest of people suffer so much. You're loved, Murda. Remember that and hold it close to your chest whenever you feel down.

Oh, Anon.

You have no idea how much I needed this today. Literally the very minute it came through, I had just received some bad news and was sitting in my car, crying.

It means so much to me to be important to someone in some way when I feel so broken and invisible. To have helped you makes my usually melancholy heart actually feel something else. Something brighter.

I made a post about not venting on this blog. I had received cruel asks and messages. I’ve mostly stuck to that and tried to release the negative energy in my writing instead. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t.

I know I apologize to people who read my works a lot. I don’t mean to, honestly. It’s habit. Writing is legitimately all I have and mental illness is slowly taking it away from me.

This turned out a jumbled mess but I think I said what I meant to in one way or another.

Thank you so much again. I’m so touched and humbled. If you ever find yourself battling those urges again, I just want to share something I say out loud to myself. As with anything else when it comes to these struggles, sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn’t, but if it encourages you even one time, saves you one scar, it’s doing what I’ve hoped it would.

I truly hope that you continue on your path to healing. It’s not easy, though I don’t need to tell you that. I’m going to be sending all the positive energy that I can to you. I don’t know you, but I love you. And I’m proud of you. 🩵

#answered asks #encouragment #thank you for this #i love you

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missmastectomy · 18 days

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I also want to thank you for this blog, for speaking out and sharing your experience and thoughts from a place of understanding and respect, I think it’s incredibly valuable. I’m a woman who has been part of online queer + tra spaces since I was around thirteen, therefore I never really questioned anything, since it all started with a strong emotional component (“I want to be a nice person, this is what being a nice person means so it doesn’t matter if I understand it— if I question it it means I’m a bad person”), and my own fear of being a girl in this world which also led me to identify as several different labels. It’s been difficult to learn about other points of view. Every time I’ve tried to read about other people’s perspectives, especially radical feminist perspectives, I’ve felt so ashamed for even entertaining those ideas (even more so because there’s often unnecessary hatred in those circles which taints their valid points) that I always end up forcing myself further into gender ideology, I guess to rewire my brain the “right” way again. I suppose it’s hard to accept when one’s own set of beliefs are challenged and the fundamental evidence seems correct but we just don’t wanna see it. Now I’m older, with higher cognitive flexibility, better critical thinking skills, more comfortable in my body, and more willing to challenge myself and what I used to believe in, while still maintaining kindness, respect and empathy as core values, so I’m currently trying to navigate all of this on my own. Your blog has inspired me to keep going, because I see there are people out there who actually do make sense and strongly support their own ideas through evidence without resorting to cartoonish fear-mongering, ridicule or even violence like I’ve seen happen from both “sides”. I guess what I’m saying is thank you for not judging detrans and trans people just because, and explaining things in a way that makes sense and is also respectful of others.

The thing you said about digging yourself deeper into TRA spaces when you start questioning things is so true. It can feel like a betrayal to question the accepted beliefs in the spaces, but in truth it’s just an ideological disagreement. Online spaces have a knack for being cultish - agree with everything I say or you’re a traitor, a bad person who is a heretic to the cause. The reality is that disagreement is disagreement, and in fact taking harmful positions out of a desire to “be kind” is what hurts people the most.

There’s a lot of legitimate criticisms of gender ideology that can be leveled without fear mongering, and the arguments are way more impactful that way. Like, yes it is absolutely true that degrading the definition of woman and allowing men (who often haven’t even transitioned) into female spaces is literally dangerous for women. There have been multiple stories about men forcing their way into locker rooms and women’s prisons who go on to abuse the women in there. Simultaneously, a trans woman isn’t a sexual predator by nature of being trans. Digging your heels into that and completely ignoring the myriad of reasons why people transition (in this case men - as I said a lot of them are very feminine gay men struggling with GD/trauma, who do not transition out of a desire to abuse women) does our arguments no favors.

#detrans #gender critical #detransition #mail

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justanothersyscourse · 1 year

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Just hopping in to say I've followed you for a while and your blog's been both entertaining and educational. I was misdiagnosed with OSDD (my psychologist thinks I actually have BPD and nondescript memory issues, it's something we're looking into) and your blog was actually one of the things that made me initially ask to have my diagnosis reevaluated because my experience seemed so divorced from what it "should" be upon further inspection, even taking into account variations between systems. Thanks for sticking around ^^

OMG

I don't usually post these types of asks, but I think this one is important for people to see

Anon, I am genuinely happy and excited for you, and I'm sure that'll surprise a lot of people-- like, what's worth celebrating about that?

Revisiting and re-evaluating a diagnosis can be really stressful and even kind of scary, but it's not necessarily a negative thing. A lot of systems are really afraid of the possibility that they're not systems, and that's understandable. Completely, no question, I get that. But when someone is misdiagnosed with another disorder, it's not seen as a negative experience in the same way.

As an example, my psychiatrist had (and continues to have, for some reason) a hard time deciding whether it was OCD or Tourettes that was causing some major issues for me. I was originally diagnosed with Tourette's, and it was changed to OCD only a few years ago.

While it was stressful while it was happening, it wasn't... Negative. It was a step toward understanding myself better and it gave me a clear path for what I needed to do next to start making more progress in my healing journey. It sucked, but overall it was positive. Nothing about the diagnosis change scared me.

When it comes to DID/OSDD, learning that you're not a system is seen as... Probably the worst thing that could happen. The idea is actually terrifying for most systems.

But it doesn't need to be? We're all just trying to get better, and sometimes that means looking at other options. It doesn't make YOU a bad person or a faker, anyone who abandons you was never worth your time to start with, and you haven't lost your community.

Anon, I'm thrilled that your journey is moving along, you're taking steps in the right direction. No matter where you find yourself, or what you end up having in the end, you'll always be welcome here. You are important in system spaces because of the experiences you have and your perspective on symptoms.

I'm so proud of you, and I hope you'll stick around and keep us updated on things you're learning!

And to you, and everyone else, don't stop looking for answers until you're comfortable with what you're being told.

If you disagree with your doctor, find another and another and another, until SOMEONE explains it to you in a way that makes sense, or until you manage to find the right words. Like with any hard, confusing conversation, sometimes it just takes the right combination of words, from either side, for the whole scenario to suddenly click and make sense.

(that might be a bit Canadian of me, I know the US healthcare system is not quite so... Simple and... Inexpensive, but I stand by the idea that you call the shots in your healing journey)

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macarensesangles · 10 months

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this is not really relevant to the subject matter of this blog but this is kind of the place i usually feel more comfortable being weird and emotional so ✌️

for whatever reason today my mind got back on system discourse and i ended up checking out the tag. Super relieved that i no longer interact with that kind of dead end community and subject matter where it’s just the same like 12 people having the same highly charged stressful arguments in perpetuity.

it’s honestly stressful for me to even think about as subject matter bc every part of it is so fraught (this is one reason i have a pretty hard line about no endo stuff anywhere near me). it’s hard enough to have DID & come to terms with that on its own in totally like psych and trauma-focused spaces; it gets even harder when you are also exposed to a community that has something superficially similar to your issue except to them it’s fun and positive and your conflicts about your disability are entirely due to an internalized -ism vis a vis plural identity rather than like. bc your disability causes you suffering by the nature of the thing.

and i’ve definitely cooled down on it a lot now that i’m away from it. like, obviously everyone has the right to live and identify in ways i don’t get. there’s nothing wrong with claiming an experience that other people may not understand or believe. i think the only wrong part is when medical misinformation comes into the picture and when people with such identities try to pull CDDs into that umbrella (bc some people are ok with this but some are really not) or try to push themselves/that stuff into spaces solely for CDDs.

and i know some complexities arise bc some people with CDDs also have some investment in this stuff or feel they’re both but like. To me that’s why it’s important not to “cross the beams.” and i admittedly have a huge grudge bc for a long time I did not have access to good information about what was happening to me — the only explanations i could come up with were either like, tulpa/soulbonding shit or schizophrenia, neither of which were true and neither of which served to do anything but prolong the amount of time i didn’t have any way to tackle the real problem. which was that i was traumatized and didn’t recognize it or remember all of what happened.

it’s frustrating to me that it comes down to this idea of like, sort of a “who’s valid” thing for so many people. i don’t care whether non-trauma systems (and i don’t like this use of the term system, due to its basis in medical language, but that cat is way out of the bag) are Valid and ultimately can’t speak to that. not my job to dictate others’ experiences, hope they live their lives happily & safely. but the way they interact with plural identity is not particularly helpful or safe when applied to me as a traumatized person with a medical condition, and my conflicts and shame around my experience make it very fraught for me to even see this wildly disparate outlook in practice, so sharing spaces is just not safe. and on top of that, in the past these communities have in part contributed to further denial and confusion for me in providing this sort of “buffer” that allowed me to cling to that explanation. which is not entirely on them, but it was damaging enough that i need entirely away from it so that i can center myself in what is healthy & pertinent and not, like, denial of the problem.

it’s all pointless to mention anyway bc no matter what anyone says this particular discourse will probably keep going until the sun burns itself out, and as long as i simply don’t look at it and avoid spaces in which it’s likely to come up it pretty much ceases to be relevant to my life (i’m glad I got out!). but god sometimes the whole thing is frustrating to remember. what an absolute hellish mire. what a nightmare for everyone on every side, but ESPECIALLY for the people involved who are heavily traumatized.

#tag for complaining

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kylosbreedingkink · 1 year

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My apologies if you've already explained this, but have you had some kind of issue with the kylux/hux stans? I wasn't aware there were issues, but then again I'm not on here much. And when I am I only really check my favourite blogs, who all seem to be pretty chill.

People who were mainly on twitter, idk if that lot are active here as I just pre emptively blocked when I got here. I had a 'call out' post about me when someone decided that me saying I liked kylux fandom so much I wish I was there from the start was a 'problem' and a lot of the fandom soft blocked or outright blocked me. So I removed myself from the space further for my health. When I tried to go back into it I learn that people in a private group were chatting shit about me and I was blocked out again. The person who did that did talk to me eventually and then suggested I pay these people hundreds for commissions to get them to unblock me lmao. Same person thinks causing shit isn't drama but saying they were wrong and trying to correct that is drama, somehow. Idk. Idgi.

They're just not nice people as a fandom. I tried really hard to help people, and be nice, but even those who didn't block me just acted like I didn't exist when I tried to interact. The worst part is that I don't really understand what I did wrong.

But looking at the history of that fandom, it's not a surprise this happened. All that is mild af compared to other shit. Toxic positivity is a phrase that springs to mind.

Generally it was people who were hux obsessed. So I just avoid hux fandom for my own safety. That and often I'm not into the fanon hux like, at all, anyway, nor their version of kylux, so it's nbd tbh.

I've queued some hux posts ye but most my posts are kylo or rarepair for a reason. Kylux is a fun ship sure but I've seen how much more fun bentai, finnlo, or renben can be now.

#asks and replies #kylux fandom

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chaosgremlinmunson · 1 year

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Ok, so this has nothing really to do with my normal vibes on this blog, but honestly I just need a space to really and truly vent.

Most of you aren't aware of who I am in my personal life as well, this is my comfort place and I don't feel the need to disclose that much about myself, but for context I'm going to explain some stuff about me.

I am a 36 year old, demisexual lesbian, whose disabled but not in a way that my government will actually help me at all with. I have depression, anxiety, PTSD, post partum depression, ADHD and autism. So fun ride right? Well I also suffer from gastrointestinal problems, migraines, and severe allergies along with extreme insomnia to where I don't sleep enough so when I do I'm like the dead.

Alright, now to vent.

Because of all the health issues I deal with my wife and I live with her parents, we also have her cousin and her cousin's 19 year old daughter all currently living in our house. Everyone else gets along great, but the 19 year old is a pathological liar, attention seeker, and down right dramatic and demanding. She was in foster care for years because the cousin, I'm gonna call her Sally, had been addicted to drugs (meth, heroine, crack, you name it) and was a call girl. She also wasn't the first child taken from Sally, Sally has 5 children in total and has custody of one, visitation with the other.

The 19 year old has a mentality of "None of you raised me, the streets and Detroit raised me. I don't like white boys, only black men, and because you all put me through hell you owe me everything. I'm also pregnant so you have to be nice to me even if I'm a heartless bitch to you." She currently is actually pregnant, but she was the girl who was pregnant every week and miraculously either had a miscarriage or it was a false positive.

Now I love my family, her included, but she has been none stop causing drama in my household, my migraines and stomach issues have been 20x worse because of the stress, and honestly I'm worried she going to cause my in laws who are elderly to have a heart attack or stroke.

I feel like a failure that I can't do anything to stop any of this from happening and I can't force her out myself, and don't have the money to just set her up with an apartment and all that so she gets tf out.

I'm trying so hard to love her and be here for her, but she's difficult. She's stolen from me, lied about us all numerous times, bullies Sally even though she's sober and doing much better, finally has her life together. She's even trying to bulldoze my MIL and wife whenever she can.

Uggghhhhhh ..ok rant over. I just. Somebody pray for me, cuz this is A LOT.

#rant #personal life #not my usual stuff #not my usual content #not stranger things #not steddie #sorry for the long post #needed to clear my head

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thegoldenshi-shi · 1 year

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OH NO! I WAS TOO DISTRACTED SQUEALING TO EVERYONE TO ACTUALLY THANK YOU FOR THE MECHS IN DRESS CLOTHES. I AM SO SORRY

They are bootiful, and I wuv dem, and gods damnit I need to clear off enough space on my desk so I can doodle them too. Also, I am happy to see steadily more and more people popping up to compliment Sides, he deserves to be in the spotlight. Sunny may have traditional beauty down, but Sides is that handsome boy next door whom spends their entire youth as an outdoor-playing sort of "dirty", and then cleans up and all of a sudden every girl within a five mile radius suddenly does that one spongebob meme of "Oh no, he's hawt!". And he deserves to be recognized for it, hehe. Even if both mechs are far too confident to get blushy from compliments, which is a true crime, tbh, cause both need to be seen hella positively flustered.

Also! I took Friday off of work because the jerkweed at my job was insistent on buying us lunch as a bribe, and I have too many complex feelings about people giving me things to let myself feel like I owe him. So I got to hang out with my dad, and we're gonna be sealing up my ladybug leaking window today after work. In other news /dun dun/ I was goofing around playing modded Ark: Survival Evolved (specified, cause I talk to a lot of people who don't know what that is, its about dinosaurs) and said mod was hybridization. So I made a manta omanite abomination monster. Twas chthulu, but as a bird. And I love him. I am naming him Flappy when I get home.

On an even different note, cause I've been doing my coloring books again recently, I've been debating on posting the progress of my books onto tumblr, cause I bought a one-sided-page book simply for the express purpose of being able to take the pages out and gift them to friends, so I thought it would be cool to have a visual timeline of what I have done, and how far along I got with different pieces. It would also mean I can take my watercolor pencils to the page the way I wanted to, without worrying about ruining the next page. Downside, I am terrified of posting stuff online, because I internalize everything negative people say about me, whilst simultaneously disregarding all the nice things people say. I am working on unlearning that, which being slightly more active in the interwebs would help with (exposure therapy, whooooo....)

Did/do you celebrate easter?

~Smooch 💜

Hehe, you are very welcome Smooch.

I'm glad you liked them. Sideswipe is a growing favorite I've noticed, and it really is a lot of fun to watch happen. Sunny is still probably the most popular of my designs, but his brother is coming on fast hehe. I REALLY want to draw some more robots soon, despite my other projects. I'm the mood for Mirage and Tracks atm, so we'll see what happens hehe

While the circumstances were not ideal, it is good that you got to spend time with your dad. And I guess congratulations are in order for your avian Cthulu lol Also congratulations for finding time to do your coloring books again. Coloring books are supposed to be really therapeutic(so I hear).

On your possible tumblr posting: I too like to have a timeline on some of my projects just as a record/checkpoint. Tumblr blogs are really good for that I have to admit. Your downside is my downside as well. It's hard to accept compliments and even harder to deal with negative nancy barking up your notifications. I still get nervous over pieces I post, particularly my original works, so don't feel bad. I admit that exposure therapy HAS helped me, but if you feel like it won't help you, then don't do it. But unfortunately, you won't know until you try.

And yes, I do celebrate Easter hehe. I play piano for my church so that's one of my busier times of year outside of Christmas (dear Lord at the Christmas carols…). I even dyed Easter eggs to give out to the kids at church this year, so I really got into it this time. It's also the time of year I get together with some of my extended family, so it's fun (and kinda tiring hehe)

#smooch anon #seriously #no worries about the pictures smooch #I appreciate it though~#transformers

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cornsnake-pit · 1 year

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I have not updated this blog in a long time, and for good reason.

First, I did move away from tumblr as a whole due to a personal dislike of where the site was headed. I was hoping to find a new space in Twitter, but the takeover by Elon Musk makes tumblr seem much more interesting again. So, I am back!

Second, and the much bigger as well as much sadder reason was the death of Jörmungandr. I do not know how closely people followed this blog, but some of you may remember Jörmi.

He was my first pet snake, and my first pet in general. I had gotten him shortly after my 18th birthday as a gift, one of which I had been saving for for months. When I got him, his terrarium had been ready for over a month and I was beyond excited.

He was a "leftover". The last of his clutch nobody had wanted. His siblings had been sold months ago, but nobody had wanted him. He was male, and normal coloured. Sadly, that's enough for many reptile keepers to consider him uninteresting. The breeder was more than happy to gift him to me so that he would finally, after almost a year, find his forever home.

Things went more than well. Jörmungandr had a fantastic personality. Despite being a corn snake, who are known to be skittish, he was the personification of calmness. Nothing could spook him, he didn't mind being touched anywhere (including his nose!) and he ate well. All in all, he was a dream pet.

Sadly, after having him for only six years, he started developing problems. The cause remains a mystery for both myself and the vet. Within weeks, Jörmi went from a healthy snake to a severely ill one. He had developed neurological issues. He could no longer hold his body still and would wobble when trying to eat or drink. He cramped up for no apparent reason and would not try to correct his position when I laid him on his back.

At first I thought this was something we could deal with. Maybe with some extra help he could still have an enjoyable life. I quickly realized however that this was not the case. Jörmi was suffering. He struggled to move and drink and soon he would refuse to eat as well.

With a heavy heart, I decided to end his suffering and he was euthanized. It all happened pretty quickly. In less than two months, Jörmi had deteriorated from a healthy snake to a dying one. Letting him go was hard, but it was a mercy.

His death was hard for me to accept, especially after having lost Ouroboros just a year before. But, like it had been with Boro, seeing the empty terrarium every day hurt me too much to bare. And so, just two months after Jörmi's death, I adopted another snake.

Like Amaru, the new snake came from the reptile rescue station in Munich where he had spent the past nine years. His age is not quite clear, though I would guess him to he around 12 or 13 years by now. He is clearly old, a bit slow, most likely partially blind (or just really bad at aiming) and a tad grumpy, but that's quite alright!

He did not have a name at the rescue station and so I called him Fulgrim.

He is a corn snake hybrid, though it is not known what his other half is. Personally, I would guess bull snake because of how wide his head is and the shape of his scales.

Over the course of the last year, I managed to gain his trust enough to be able to touch him. He is not a fan of being picked up, but he doesn't bite so I can safely get him to the vet if I ever have to.

He has also become very curious!

For the first months, he would usually just hide away but eventually he proved to be a very observant fellow. Though he clearly can not see well, he does see movement and light, both of which seem to intrigue him. I often catch him peeking out of his terrarium, staring at either my computer screen or me when I do something. He was especially observant when I assembled my new office chair in front of his enclosure!

All in all, Fulgrim helped me get over Jörmi's death and I am very glad to have him! Although I might not have him for long, considering his age, I am happy to see him every day, usually sunbathing in his favourite spot.

I hope to upload more again in the future and while the two OGs of the blog are gone, my passion for these beautiful animals is as strong as ever, and I hope yours is, too!

Lots of love from the snake pit, and from across the rainbow bridge 🐍🐍🌈🐍🐍

#corn snake #reptiblr #snekblr #snake

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witch-hazels-musings · 2 years

Note

Hello Hazel! Your last post broke my heart and I’ve been thinking about it and if it was ok for me to reply. I’ve been following you for a while and tho most of the time I’m very silent because I get anxious and feel annoying I appreciate the time you take to answer to people in here. I just wanted to say that it sucks that you feel like having to be positive about this situation, and I know saying that doesn’t help but it really makes me very sad to see the creators I like feel discouraged to keep writing because of the lack of engagement in replies and reblogs. I’m not a writer but I am an artist and I know how frustrating it can be to get little to practically no recognition in your work. I don’t think it is ungrateful wanting your work, especially if is something people have asked for, go unnoticed, and seeing how you still try to not let it affect you makes me want to cry. You and your blog feel like a safe space, and every time I see you in my dash I get very happy. I feel very comfortable when I read your works, and even tho we don’t know each other, your overall existence here feels like a hug from a really good friend.

I feel hopeless because saying all of this isn’t actually helping to the situation, but I really want you to know that you are very appreciated (I even made a side blog some months ago to rb all the works I like from the writers I like yours included, obviously).

I kept rambling and I’m not sure where I was going, but I hope you can have a more positive experience from now on. I really want to give you and all the other authors in the same situation some encouragement and I wish I could do something to help, but as a small blog I don’t get many interactions.

You were one of the first blogs I followed and kinda introduced me to this kind of works, and to be completely honest it helped me more than once to feel less alone (hope that doesn’t sound silly). I know I repeat myself a lot, I guess I’m not very good at expressing my thoughts, but it really feels cozy and comforting to read them.

-a heartbroken zuzu anon not the writer

Ps. I saw there’s an author here that also goes by Zuzu, and it kinda made me feel bad for not noticing before since the few asks I sent were signed off as zuzu. I’m sorry if that ever caused any confusion. If there’s a way to make it less confusing or you prefer for me to change my nickname I’ll gladly do it.

hiiii -- I know you mentioned in here you weren’t sure if your message was clear but honestly this hit home so well. it’s hard to convey my real thoughts sometimes and I worry I’m being so rude when I share things like this, so to read your message and be able to soak in what I really want to say because you could see through my words and hit right to the point -- so even though you were uncertain, i saw you just as much as you saw me, so thank you.

I’m so excited to hear about your side blog to share and encourage writers and to keep a selection of works you really enjoy! even if you don’t have a lot of followers, it means so much and let me tell you, I remember the people who reblog my works often -- it’s like having someone walk by my shelve of stories and take a copy - it’s such a cool feeling!

thank you for this message, you didn’t have to take the time to send something in, but you really did make me smile (and cry a little) with your words -- and I hope you can start to feel the love with your artwork! I’d love to see it sometime :)

(oh, and I usually know if it’s the author zuzu whose messaging me but now I know a little more about you, Zuzu! thank you for sharing more with me and allowing me the opportunity to get to know you <3)

#hazelmail #vent elixir #coffee elixir #zuzu anon #i know it's not just me who appreciates your support #even if you don't see it #every small comment / reblog / message makes a huge impact

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zuol · 2 years

Text

I Don’t Have to Prove Myself to Anyone

This has actually been weighing me down a lot. I’ve been really unhappy with myself because I’m so judgmental of myself. I’m not who I want to be and because of that feeling of not being enough, I fail to follow my true values. I’ve found myself being upset with others and pushing others away because of their actions. It has bothered me so much. Why are you treating me as if I’m disposable? Why do I feel like I’m disposable? Have I treated others as if they’re disposable?

These strong feelings elicit a lot of shame within me. Feeling so down about how I have behaved in the past and what do I make of it?

I guess I want to let go.

I made this blog for myself and to document my feelings about the current moment and the things that I experience. It’s the reason why I created a “did not proofread” tag where I can happily post without giving it any second thought, because I tend to second guess myself. This is supposed to be a space for me to freely express myself.

Sometimes it feels paralyzing, where I think to myself, “Well, this isn’t good enough. I sound so negative and unhappy. I don’t want to showcase that part of myself because I may be annoying, perhaps even a hindrance.”

I want to create a space for myself to grow and blossom like a flower. Surely, the circumstances aren’t always right. My environment may not be nourishing. I may not be surrounding myself with the right people. There’s a lot I want to heal from and as much as I want to improve as an individual, I want to learn to sit with my pain too.

As much as I want to be a happy, positive person, I can be very melancholic too.

As much as I want to cultivate happy, fulfilling relationships, I can be dissatisfied and unhappy with the way people act and behave, causing me to act out in not so healthy ways (e.g. dealing with my pain by myself and being a “shut-in”).

As much as I want to care for myself, I find myself running away from my own responsibilities and not taking care of myself properly.

So, this is where I currently am. What a flawed human being I am. But… I am okay with that. I am okay with how moody and capricious I am, and I accept that I can be the opposite of what I aspire to be.

I was speaking to my therapist about the things I want to practice from now on and they are the following:

1. Rejecting perfectionism and instead, focus on trying my best

2. Feel various feelings towards things, not people including myself

3. Doing one thing at a time

These 3 things are huge challenges for me due to my habitual patterns.

I always try so hard to be good, and when I’m not “good” to my own standards, my mood sours. I see this reflected in my relationships with others. Honestly, it’s kind of scary because the strong, negative emotions inside me can build up.

When I judge my feelings, telling myself to reject those feelings, I can’t allow myself to be a human being… I can see how this creates a lack of stability for myself, like I can’t be there for myself because of the whirlwind of emotions.

Because I want to get so much done over the day, I find myself multitasking but this erases the joy from being alive and living. I tried doing one thing at a time today, and it was challenging. But… again, what matters is that I tried and tried my best to my own ability to practice this.

I feel really sentimental because of how harsh I am on myself. (Ok, I just took a short break from typing this as I started crying because of my realization) Obviously, things will be okay, because I am alive and I get to experience so much in my life, no matter how much I suffer. This doesn’t erase the happiness I experience.

To end this, I will share some wonderful things from today (Tuesday, August 30, 2022):

1. I texted my two older cousins who I respect and care about. I haven’t spoken to them in a long time.

2. I sang and danced to Phoenix’s older songs, namely “Lisztomania”, “1901”, and songs from their album “Bankrupt”. Along with that, I was listening to The xx. So many memories came up, one of which prompted me to send my cousin, P, a text message.

3. I made matcha cookies with browned butter. To be honest, I didn’t think it was very good. I don’t think the combination of brown butter and matcha is good. I used good quality ingredients too! Butter is Kerrygold and matcha is Ippodo.

4. I received a notification that the class I’ve been desperately trying to get into has accepted me!

5. I had a honest, thoughtful conversation with my mom. It feels good to be open about my life and how I am feeling with her, especially when she holds that space for me.

6. Being able to smile when I’m alone. Smiling at myself in moments when nothing in particular is happening. Smiling when I’m feeling so blue.

7. Having my dog casually rest her head against me while I was working today. I was actually so surprised to see her so that because I was immersed (and struggling lol) with what I was doing.

Good night :)

I have my retreat tomorrow and I can see myself in so much agony waking up due to the lack of sleep I’ll be getting. Wahhhhhhhh.

#did not proofread

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itsallyscorner · 3 years

Text

Play Me A Song

Paring: Tom Holland x fem!reader

Summary: This is based off the video of Tom playing guitar that he posted on Instagram:) Tom facetimes you to help brighten up your day.

Warnings: none

A/n: Not me using fan fiction as a coping mechanism for my stress, yet ONCE AGAIN.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

✧───── ･｡ﾟ★: *. ☽.* :★. ─────✧

“Hellooo, gorgeous girl!” Tom cooed as his face popped up onto your phone screen.

You let out a nasally giggle, the side of your face snuggling deeper into the pillow Tom would use when he was over at your house.

Tom tilts his head at the phone, a hint of a smile on his blush colored lips. The action caused his mop of chocolate brown curls to slightly bounce, catching your attention. You longed for the feeling of running your hands through his soft hair. You missed the way it felt between your fingers and how it would make Tom nuzzle closer to you.

“How was your day? You sounded a bit upset on the phone.” He checked in, voice soft and sweet, yet full of concern. His brows furrowed, causing a wrinkle to form between his brows.

You breath in, smelling the hints of him on your pillow. He was miles away, FaceTime allowed you to see and talk to him, though it wasn’t the same as him being beside you. If you were together right now, he would probably envelop you with his protective arms, pull you into his warm chest, and press kisses all over any bit of your exposed skin. His curls would tickle against your neck while he buried his head into the small space between your neck and shoulders—though you wouldn’t mind the tickle because it would remind you that he was there with you.

You sighed, “Today was a rough day. My professors have been piling work on us and I got called into work on my day off. I haven’t even gotten to start that research paper for class—I’m just so burnt out. I’m tired of trying, Tommy.”

Tom pouted, bringing the camera near his face to feel closer to you. He only felt the heat of his phone screen against his face, but he could still feel the light vibrations of your voice through the phone’s speakers. He placed the speaker of his phone slightly atop his chest, so he could feel the rhythm of your words against him. It reminded him of the days you two would cuddle after the both of you had long days at work. You would tell each other about your days and bask in the feeling of being in each other’s arms. He missed the feeling of being close to you.

“I know you have a lot of work to do, but you need to give yourself breaks, darling. And don’t tell me that you don’t need a break, you’re human (y/n), there’s only so much you can do in a day.” He began. Tom knew how you could get when college got overwhelming. Sometimes there were weeks where you would throw yourself into work, with no sleep, minimal food, and too many cups of coffee. He adored the diligence you had for your education, he wished he could’ve had that when he was still in school, but he wanted to make sure that you were taking care of yourself.

“Listen, you got this, I know you do. You’re the most intelligent and hard working woman I have ever met in my life. There’s nothing you can’t do, because I know, one way or another, you’re gonna find a way to do it. You always do. I just don’t want you to forget to take care of yourself. I know your education is important, but so are you.” He finished, a small smile forming on his lips. You hum in response, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of myself Tommy.”

What you say seems to reassure him, his shoulders visibly loosened up and the smile on his face grows a bit wider. Your own lips turn up on their own, reciprocating his smile.

“How about you, how was your day?” You ask him. Tom sits up and leans against his headboard.

“Well they’re still renovating the house, so Harry and I decided to rent out a place not too far from mum and dad’s. We actually had lunch with them, I got to see Tessa—gosh, I wish you were here right now. Tess was bouncing all over the place and giving everyone kisses, you would’ve loved it. And Paddy! He’s gotten so much taller since I’ve last seen him, and his voice keeps getting deeper, it’s actually embarrassing for me to be beside him because I’m older and I sound like I’m the one going through puberty.” He rambled, one of his hands making gestures and his face making expressions as he spoke. You loved the way he could just go on about a certain topic, especially when it came to his family. As sad as it was to see him leave for the UK, you were also happy because you knew he’d get to see his family.

He continued to talk about his day until his leg bumped into something, causing a hollow thump to emit from the object.

“What was that?” He leaned forward, the sound of his sheets rustling as he moved to grab the object filling your speakers.

“My guitar.” He grunted, holding the instrument up. “Remember, you got this for me for my birthday!” He proudly reminded you. You had gotten him the Ed Sheeran edition Martin Guitar after he had been going on and on about wanting to learn how to properly play the instrument. At the same time, he had a little obsession with Ed Sheeran and his music, so when you saw the guitar in the shop, you thought why not? You knew he would love it.

You fondly chuckled at him, “Yeah I do! You even promised to write me a song one day after you opened it.”

The last part of your sentence caught his attention, “I will write you a song one day, I’m very serious about that promise, love.” He pointed at you.

“Oh, are you?” You tease him.

“Yes, I am. In fact, ever since I’ve gotten back home, I’ve been practicing again and I’m doing much better.” He confidently told you.

“Can you play me a song?” You softly ask him.

“I can play you ‘Grow as we Go’ by Ben Platt. It’s the song I’ve been practicing.” He placed his phone against a pillow, using it as a stand. He placed the guitar in his lap, positioning his fingers on the frets and strings of the guitar.

“Yeah, play anything. I just wanna hear you play.” You mumble, your voice coming out in a muffle against Tom’s pillow.

“Just a warning, it’s probably not that good.” He mentions, shooting you a playful look.

“I don’t care.” You smile. He starts to softly strum the opening of the Ben Platt song and you couldn’t help but smile. He looked away from the camera, trying to focus on the notes and giving you a good look at the side of his face. The light shines part of his face, leaving the features you can see dark in the shadow, though it didn’t stop you from making out his gorgeous brown eyes. His long fingers move fluidly along the strings, creating a sweet melody on the guitar.

He stumbles a bit, making him whisper “Bollocks.” The little hiccup didn’t stop him from playing and so he continued to strum the guitar. You decided to stay quiet, letting him be in the zone. He messes up again, this time saying “bollocks” louder than the first time. You see him slightly shake his head as he regains his focus and places his fingers on the proper strings again.

You fondly watch him as he play, admiring the man you call your boyfriend. His fingers twitch on the string causing him to pause. He sucks his teeth, a bit of a frustrated grin on his face.

“Mmm.” He looks at you before turning away, “Okay.” He plays again, brows furrowed together in concentration as he tries to play the part of the song his keeps messing up on. You couldn’t contain the giggle that came out of you when he cringed at the sound the guitar made when he tried to play past the note. He pauses looking at the ceiling and tries to figure out the next notes.

“Alright, last time.”

“You’ve got it.” You encourage him. Your words give him some confidence and he shoots you a sweet smile. He readjusts the guitar in his lap, this time keeping his eyes on the strings as he plays. He strums the song again, starting off slow then slowly getting faster. Though his pacing was off by a bit, the song still sounded great nonetheless. You were thoroughly impressed.

He stops playing sitting back against the headboard, “I don’t know why I speed up though. I don’t know why I decide to do it so quickly.” He says into the camera.

You laugh, “It still sounds great though, I really enjoyed it.”

Tom tilts his head at you, teasingly squinting at the camera, “Even with the amount of times I kept stopping?”

“Yes, even with the amount of times you kept stopping.” You laugh, adjusting your phone. Tom puts the guitar aside and grabs his phone. He lays back on his bed, his head resting on his pillow and his curls sprawling out on the cushiony white surface. One of his hands rest behind his head as he stares at you.

“I’m gonna keep practicing. So the next time I see your beautiful face I can serenade you with a song and my guitar.” He muses, a lazy grin on his features.

“That sounds like something out of a chick flick.” You snort. He shoots you a playful glare, “Shut up, you love it.”

Tom knew you were a sucker for chick flick gestures. Kissing in the rain, watching the sunset, you name it.

You sigh, scrunching up your nose, “Yeah, I do.”

“But only from you.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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engagemachine · 3 years

Text

"You're so gentle," she tells me. They all say it. I hear it from my patients every time I take their arm to wrap the blood pressure cuff around it, or when I place my stethoscope on their belly, or when I rub circles into their back when I've helped them sit up on the side of the bed for the first time in three days. Sometimes they cry, because it's the first tender touch they've felt since they've been in the hospital. It's very humbling and at the same time very concerning -- why has no one else offered this tenderness to you? Why am I always the first?

But I don't feel gentle. Not when a pair of ribs are cracking beneath my hands as I'm doing chest compressions on a Covid patient who's stopped breathing--the second time I've administered CPR on a Covid patient in two days. I don't feel gentle when I'm wrestling with a patient and begging for them to keep their oxygen mask on. When I have to hold them down and hold them still so my coworker can draw a blood sample. I don't feel gentle when I'm inserting a nasogastric tube down someone's nose, then throat, and into their belly while they're gagging around the tube and their arms are flailing. And I don't feel gentle when I'm washing a sacral wound with bleach and they're crying because it hurts. I don't feel gentle when I have to shout, beg, and plead for patients to listen, when I tell patients they're going to die if they don't keep their oxygen mask on. I don't feel gentle when I have to place a patient in restraints, or when I call a family member and tell them that their loved one's condition hasn't improved. I don't feel gentle when a patient tells me they can't breathe, they can't breathe, I can't breathe, and I'm yelling for coworkers to call the doctor while I'm cycling through different oxygen masks and trying to administer medication to slow their respirations and calm their anxiety.

I'm writing this because I feel like I've been living a little bit behind a veneer on here, although I know deep down that's not really true; I have always wanted my blog to feel like a positive space for anyone and everyone, including myself. I come here to have fun and destress and that's why you usually don't see me reblogging content having to do with politics or global news. I think it's possible to create a healthy space where one does talk about those things and spreads awareness for important causes, but for me, Tumblr is where I come when I need to escape the harsh realities of real life. This is my platform where I can indulge in my fictional proclivities and interests, where I can appreciate art, photography, beautiful writing, my favorite films, music, and cute animals. That's what this space is about. I also have loved meeting new people and getting to know my readers and making new friends and chatting about my stories. That's why I'm here and I thank you all so, so much for indulging me in my passions and for encouraging my writing the way that you have: it has helped me weather the current storm of stress I am feeling in more ways than I could possibly convey.

But I have to be very honest with you all about how much I've been struggling lately, as I feel like I'm reaching a breaking point and I'm somewhat at a loss for how to handle it.

Since September of last year, I've been on an accelerated track to finish the degree I'm working towards, which is a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I've been a nurse for four years, but I graduated from a two-year nursing program versus a four-year program because I wanted to get into the field earlier than some of my peers, which has been great. Anyway, my school counselor/mentor and I agreed that I could obtain my BSN in a year if I really pushed myself. The program I'm in is self-paced, which has been both a blessing and a curse. Most of my classes I have finished in about three to four weeks. Other classes, like biochemistry, took substantially longer, about seven or eight weeks, if I remember correctly. All of the classes have relied on my ability to self-teach, as there are no scheduled lectures to attend, only assigned readings and videos to watch, if you choose to do so. Fast forward to the end of May, when I went to visit some family, and, upon my return home, really started to lose some of my motivation to complete my classes. I was meant to finish my program in August (this month) but agreed with my mentor that I would take a short break and put my last three classes on hold so that I could resume the program in September. I've enjoyed approximately a month off from school, but "enjoyed" is a term I use loosely here as I was also picking up extra shifts at work because we've been so short staffed and losing nurses left and right.

Which brings me to the main cause of my stress. This pandemic has completely changed the landscape for how I administer care to my patients, and the stress of the care itself has been so utterly overwhelming at times I can hardly bear it. I broke down in tears at work on Sunday morning, shortly after 4:30 am, right there at the the nurse's station, and was sobbing so hard that my supervisor had to pull me away so that I could have some privacy. I wish I could tell you that I sobbed harder than I have in a long time--but I had sobbed at work with that same intensity just four weeks prior, only, I had been alone at the time. It's becoming a trend--I either cry at work or I cry at home--because the stress of this job has become unbearable.

I wish--I desperately wish--I could convey to you the seriousness of Covid. I think so much of the world has already decided to move on from it because they're so tired of having to deal with it and, quite simply, are ready to return to normal. I don't even know what normal is anymore and when--or if--we'll ever be able to return to it. And that has caused me a fair amount of stress and anxiety in and of itself. I miss traveling so much and I don't know when I'll be able to do it again. I haven't seen one of my best friends since the fall of 2018 for this reason, which kills me.

I've seen so much death. Transferred so many patients to the PCU and ICU. Frantically chased patients' oxygen saturation, trying to keep them from circling the drain. Being responsible for six or seven human lives at one time is a stress you cannot fathom unless you have done it yourself. I have cried with a patient, a young woman, who had lost her husband to Covid only hours before in the ER, a young woman who was now faced with battling Covid herself but also planning the funeral of her high school sweetheart from her hospital bed. I have wheeled a patient to the ICU so that he could say one final goodbye to his wife--married for over 50 years--before they pulled the plug and removed her from the ventilator. I have raced down the hallway with my patient on BIPAP, pushing his bed to the ICU and praying that he doesn't stop breathing on the way there. I've had to console crying family members over the phone who are worried about their loved ones, not to mention my crying coworkers who are as overwhelmed as I am. These are just a handful of experiences from the past month alone. There are so many more.

The discomfort of my job has become secondary. I expect, now, to be wearing an N95 for a full twelve or thirteen-hour shift because there isn't time to take it off. Not having a chance to pee or go to the bathroom during that time. Not drinking any water until I'm in my car and taking off my mask and finally taking a deep breath.

On a more personal note, I am continuing to lose weight and it's so discouraging. In high school I used to wear a size 2 or 4. Now, depending on the brand, I wear a double 00. My hair is falling out because of my stress. I haven't slept during the night in... I don't even know how long. I'm constantly tired. Exhaustion hits me like a great tidal wave and I am powerless to stop it. I expect now to crash during the middle of the day on my couch, only to wake up at 11pm and be wide awake for the rest of the night, and, if not wide awake, then in an out of nightmares and sleep paralysis. I have thought about leaving my job, but the idea of job hunting during a pandemic, and while I'm in school... it just makes me feel even more stressed.

I need a break, but it feels like there's nowhere to go to escape. I fantasize about some great adventure, going somewhere I've never been, but I also really miss my family and I'm scared to go home to visit.

This post doesn't really have a conclusive ending. I'm just exhausted and overwhelmed. Any prayers/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

#text

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accio-victuuri · 3 years

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The GG & Li-Ning & Xianjiang Cotton Situation

I was asked to give my opinion. This is also for other bxgs who may have the same sentiment. You don’t have to agree with me but i hope you respect whatever it is I choose to share here. This is my blog and my space. I maintain this out of my pure enjoyment of the fandom and all the good it has given me. So let me address some of the points.

Li-Ning boasts their use of XinJiang Cotton

My simple answer here is, of course they will. This is not something new. Li-Ning is a celebrated olympic medal winning gymnast. A billionaire. You don’t get to that place in CHN w/out supporting the government’s agenda. In this case, that there is no injustice and persecution going on in Xinjiang. This brand, boasting about China made cotton, in their terms, shows patriotism and support for their country. This brand’s literal goal at first was to provide a local brand for Chinese athletes to wear in the Olympics. This is also not the first time that Li-Ning had been called out along w/ other international brands due to questionable ethical practices.

I find it very hard to believe that the timing of GG’s massive Li-Ning ad campaign, coinciding as it has with these Western brand boycotts, was a coincidence.

Let’s get this out of the way. Whether the boycott happened or not, Li-Ning is guaranteed an insane amount of sales because they hired Xiao Zhan. This is the same man who always sells out products in seconds. Who took KXZ to 200% growth and so on. I can talk about stats all day but this massive campaign for him is a no brainer. GG is expensive and a guaranteed success. Any brand who hires him will be stupid to not launch an all out campaign across all cities. Li-Ning knows what they are doing by hiring him. For years, they have been trying to appeal to Gen Z. Especially now that youth in CHN are more and more into the “guochao” (国潮) - National trend. Integrating traditional chinese culture and fashion w/ domestic brands. This ties in with the whole movement of erasing the connotation that made in china is of inferior quality. GG was a good choice. He appeals to the younger generation (19-25) and the working class ( 26 and up ) who buys goods. I would imagine even GG’s team did their research and knows this trend is going on too. This will not be the last you will see of this type of endorsement from him or Web. The rumors on this collaboration was going around as early as, March 15 I think? I was literally asking another bxg if GG’s ad will be pushed back a day or two because of what was happening. or what will this all implies. He was always gonna come out and endorse this brand boycott or not.

I am not removing the possibility that these local brands have a hand in the boycott. It’s a very valid concern. or that, it was a convenient perfect storm for them. A perfect storm of EU, US & CAN sanctioning CHN. The sudden attack on brands’ statements against Xinjiang cotton from a year ago. The whole agenda of controlling the people’s view on what is happening. All of these are connected. sure. There are many things behind the scenes that we will not know but we can make an educated guess of. Li-Ning is not the only domestic brand that had a positive push because of this.

On 3/25 Li-Ning’s stock closed with a high of 10.74% , plus an added 9% on the 26th when GG was announced as ambassador. The same thing happened with Anta and others.

I find it very hard to stomach seeing Li-Ning ads on my dash, regardless of GG’s presence in them. Without condemning him for taking this endorsement deal, and without judging what he is or is not personally aware

I will just be addressing GG’s alleged part in all this. I say that cause we don’t live in his brain and won’t know what he’s thinking. You can all try and project your values on him but he is a whole person of his own. I have hopefully given some view on why GG accepted to endorse this brand in the previous point. GG has spent most if not all, of his life in China. He has repeatedly said that he was brought up traditionally. Tho his father was very encouraging in him participating in the arts and widening his knowledge. He had Foreign professors at CBTU. He is part of the generation that knows what’s going on outside by using the internet. He’s smart. I would guess that he is aware of the country he is living in vs what it’s like outside of it. But at the end of the day, his loyalty will always be with his country. I hate to break it to you all but he will continue to live and thrive as an Actor even without international support. Tho it is great that he is a source of National Pride with how people outside of China love him.

Now, about his support for Xianjiang Cotton. I wanna start by showing this:

It’s a post from People’s Daily wb which boasts all the c-ent top stars that voiced their support of XJ cotton. The sense is, hey people look at your idols supporting the cause. Look at their Patriotism. What do you think will happen if GG was not on this list? Knowing that he is a top star in CHN. Knowing he was just in hot waters post 22*? Knowing that he is actively being endorsed in CCTV which is a National Channel. Are we still surprised that he posted that support? I was just honestly waiting for him to post if anything. I talked before about how C-ent celebrities are expected ( and actually it’s in their law ) to be more morally upright than the lay people. This is prime example of that.

Another one is this from CCTV Wb. I’m including this for you all to have an understanding of how this whole thing is being played out in CHN. This is the type of online narrative that is going around and I would think GG is seeing. The sentiment is,

“No matter what hardships, ups and downs and blows go through in our country, her people will always come from all directions and stand up to speak justice and do just things.”

It’s also showing all the hot searches that is related in support of XJ cotton and defending CHN’s innocence.

Also this video that was heavily circulated showing mechanized picking of cotton vs the allegations of manual.

This is the kind of narrative that is going around, as expected. I don’t really fault GG or condemn him for doing what is best for him. What is the best for an individual does not always mean it’s the best for all. In talks like this, I always try and put myself in their position. I mean, who the hell are these people trying to attack my country? the country that has provided for me. I wanna say I understand where they are coming from but understanding does not mean agreeing. I see these A LOT. ALOT ON WEIBO. The China vs. Everyone story. It’s the notion of, they are attacking us and we must protect the country. Also keep in mind that news is heavily regulated.

You know what type of news the CCP would love for them to get a hold of? The rising attacks on Asians in the US. Oh boy they would fuckin love that! Making America the big/bad asian-hating boogeyman in the eyes of their people yet again.

Okay, now we’re down to the final part of this. Why do I share the promo pics for Li-Ning. Where do i draw the line.

To me it’s simple. It had GG in it. I was waiting for this to come out, and tbh, would you all even know about this brand’s practices if the boycott didn’t happen? No. This is a bjyx blog where i share things about them. That includes ad, dramas, pictures and videos. I understand if people don’t feel comfortable w/ Li-Ning ads and others, so just don’t like those posts. Did I buy anything from the collection? No. Did I buy multiple copies Web’s single Youth in Times ( like i do with his other singles )? No. That’s where I draw the line in this. I know we’re all gonna be put on a tight spot again once Faith Makes Great comes out. Once I saw that leaked pic, Ooohhh! I just know. Also if BAH adds some propaganda about CHN’s war on drugs. I am just waiting. I am ready. I know what my values are. I will not allow other people to dictate who I am. I know what type of content I’m only gonna be sharing.

I see this very forceful air of asking bxgs to take a stand on this ( always bxg, never the other side. always us of course even if we are the minority) and it really puts me off. I read someone say that they will not say anything because they don’t owe strangers on the internet an explanation. Which is true. I have separate spaces that I share my views on world/local issues. Accounts that show my actual name and around people I know in real life. That’s what I choose to do for myself. I started this blog for myself and i still find it very bizarre that people follow this account. I am not some sort of KOL, let’s get that straight. This is just a blog where I talk about things if i want to and SCREAM about GG and Web too much. I will probably not answer any follow up questions on this cause i feel like I have addressed a good chunk of it.

Just know that whatever I post on here in support of GG and his projects does not equate to my entire political/moral stand regarding this event or any. It’s really good that we have conversations like this cause it’s an important one.

Whew! That was a long post! 😅

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