#cuz literally they never even taught ME that. me as in their literal child | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lotuspeacock · 1 year

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what the fuck even happened episode 8????

like, plotwise i know what happened but like there’s so much new info i’m processing.

rei dresses like that not for the professionalism of the job, but because his father expects him to look high-class even when he’s murdering people

anna’s musical talents literally traumatize children.

rei’s father has a god complex about his bloodline

the “organization” is more or less run by rei’s father. this is why kyutaro said that rei should know best what happens when you betray the organization, because every childish rebellion was treason on the organization.

rei doesn’t get too close to kazuki because the consequence if he does are dire.

side note: when rei says he has something to protect, he’s not just talking about miri. there is no mistaking that kazuki is precious to rei.

when rei is asked “did you find true belonging on the outside” he denies it. this is probably because he wants to protect kazuki and miri but it could also be because rei genuinely believes that he doesn’t truly belong in their little family. i believe this changes by the end when rei sees that kazuki and miri were waiting for him just to see him smile.

this is from a few other posts i saw, but rei’s mission was a warning. a peek into the consequences of forming attachments.

a continuation of point six, we see rei standing in his family home, feeling completely estranged while he’s on the phone with kazuki and miri being told to be back by dinner.

rei never seemed to be affected by his job before. but in the car with ogino he expresses shock at the picture of his mentors murdered wife. and the picture seems to be taken in the goriest way. rei is opening his heart to his family and as a consequence, he has to face the reality that he is not just killing, but taking lives.

“for the concept” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN???? this man makes me so uncomfortable he is so goddamn psychotic. he definitely kills for fun even though he pretends its some big philosophical thing. essentially he was saying people exist to die. also his fucking blue eyed stare 🧿👄🧿

WAIT WAIT WAIT THEYRE TOTAL FOILS OF EACH OTHER. rei and his mentor that is. they both have that single slut strand.

miri is extremely insightful. she notices when someone close to her is hiding their dissatisfaction with life - what she calls “sadness”. her mom was dissatisfied with her life as a single mother and rei is dissatisfied with living under his father’s boot.

rei didn’t tell ogino his mentor’s last words because they weren’t meant for him (but probably also cuz ogino is a creep sob). rei “didn’t hear” anything because the words were directed to someone already gone.

this is less a plot point but more a personal analysis - i was sorta hoping that kazuki would show up during the fight and save rei, and he does! he saves rei, but not during the fight because that’s not really where rei was struggling. rei needed to be saved from his own belief that he was irredeemable, and kazuki did that perfectly bu showing rei that no matter what, he’ll be there. unconditionally. i mean, the man didn’t even ask about all the blood on his suit. (another i won’t ask i wouldn’t tell moment)

kazuki cut rei’s hair and decorated the apartment. when rei said “but then you suddenly started cleaning”, he’s saying that he didn’t care about kazuki until kazuki taught him how to care. when kazuki barged into rei’s apartment and cleaned the blood stained hands of a child assassin, he also cleared a space for himself in rei’s life. (side note: of course the undercut was kazuki’s idea)

“you think we can change?” god this was such a good quote. and the way kazuki doesn’t put up a front and say “of course” because he’s trying to figure out if he can change too, so he just says “dunno” but its so sincere and hopeful. i love the dichotomy of kazuki not knowing if he can change because he’s spent the past 4 years trying not to and rei not knowing if he can change because he doesn’t know how to. at the root, it’s because they both see themselves as unforgivable.

continuation of points six and eight, rei smiles when he’s home with his family.

oh my god the angst just doesn’t stop.

#meepmoop #buddy daddies #kazuki kurusu #rei suwa #miri unasaka #kazurei #my roommate is behind me pregaming with her friends and im writing an organized list of major plot points of the anime im obsessed with #good news i found food and i have energy to blog now!#my hp is at 100 now fr #this is my longest post ever #no ones gonna read this but i wanted to write it

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blobbyboiblob · 5 months

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Tw for very serious stuff! I can’t pit a finger on it just in case but also canon digging to create realistic touch to it

Dream: he went through several trauma

In the canon time line he experienced being used as a tool by villagers and wasn’t allowed to be negative

And he was forced to watch his brother clearly turn depressed and was unable to aid him(*He was 5-6 in that time frame I believe and already had enough on his plate*)

He was a people pleaser and was a child at that and was made to do things out of his abilities all because of the villagers

He than was left without senses for eons upon eons and was soon out of it and taught by, if I remember correctly, Lanny.

Lanny blamed him and Passive for the passing of Nim which was Nightmares-(*aka the corrupted guy, the negative parasite*) fault

And all Lanny did was teach Dream about his duties as a guardian and what has happened

Legit never thought “Hey Dream lost his ability to do practically everything for eons now! Maybe I should be considerate cuz his mental state may still be a 6-year-old!”

Nope

So meanwhile Dream is severally traumatized and still struggling to understand and live in this new world with all these beings and people and monsters

He’s also still mentally a child

So thats fun

He only starts to grow up and let go of Passive when he finds out Nightmare = Passive is incorrect, and Passive is a dead 6-year-old‼️ Which screws with him more along with clear trauma response to where he literally can’t see Nightmare as a not-brother figure so he wouldn’t actually *kill* the dude, he would need sever therapy yet everything still will go back to old ways because he’s a people pleaser

Corrupted & Passive: Now we need to remember, parasites need a body to secure their forms.. yes? Even a negative parasite! Now what if(Thank you Hobo my frien, ty ty sm) Corrupted was using Passives rag-doll body? Which would be bad wouldn’t it? Considering the pain and agony of his body being tore out and burned by the negative goop and the soon to start numbing pain of his eye-socket, which would ensure Passive was stuck along with Corrupted and forced to see *everything*. Along with the fact Corrupted is taller than Dream who is directly around Swaps height(*Swap father real 😨⁉️*) which means Passives small body would be tore into sections to fit the taller form and be a suitable vessel. So along with his agony and pain because of Corrupted he must suffer with being tore apart and semi strapped back together to be a good vessel.

So ultimately Passive regardless is a dead six year old and cannot date regardless. Would you truly ship a lil babay with grown adults?

Also another side note: going down this idea base that would mean if Passive somehow escaped the goop it is highly likely he wouldn’t survive long, as his bones would lack nutrients and strength along with having been destroyed and out together enough that it’s possible that one hug could dust him!

Normalize Dream being mentally around 6 still and being a people pleasing traumatized babay

Normalize Passive being a dead, traumatized 6-year-old that isn’t allowed to date- even in the “platonic kisses” way

Normalize Corrupted being an actual torture oriented bad guy cuz well- he was made that way 💀

Also this rant is cuz well

I read up on a small thing where someone took all of Jokus storyline and details and set them down in a Deviant art post! I decided to add headcanons me and my friends made and put a more realistic touch on it!

Tw for more serious based stuff due to well- Dreamtale lol

And of course, Dreamtale belings to @jokublog

Thanks for wonderful details to explore and joke bully people on 🙏

#jokublog #dreamtale #dream sans #nightmare sans #passive nightmare sans #canon #headcanon #rant

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emleeeeeeeeee · 17 days

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chaps 500-501 sorry im late guys

okay so first thing even though it might be obvious i feel like vin and taejin have had such a parallel life if that makes sense? like obviously taejin was bought up with everything and anything that he wanted (and taught that everything was his) and we did see at the start that he was decently kind(?) to vin as a child, but only bc he viewed vin as his property. we do see this like attitude start changing as he grows up tho, where he doesnt see the need to treat his 'property' aka other ppl well anymore (rip sujin) and really just takes what he wants from them. he also really just wants everything to be his at this point, as seen when he's like excited at his father's death bc it means that he has more power. so vin has obviously had like a very traumatic childhood, but somehow vin and taejins lives still seem very in parallel

especially in that scene bc its like showing their attachment(idk how else to describe it) to cheonliang, but for starkly different reasons. wait more like how they're both fighting for cheonliang, but while vin(and the other ppl sry idk what theyre called) are fighting purely for the memory of sujin and seongji(rip), taejin is fighting so that he can claim it as his AS SEEN WHEN THE LITTLE BITCH SHOWS UP WHEN THEYRE DECIDING THE LEADER.

OMG THE DISRESPECT I CANT. I WANT TO PUT HIM INTO A FUCKING MEAT GRINDER. (writing this i have to keep reminding myself that the way he acts is a result of his upbringing BUT STILL DOES NOT JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS RIUGSDFHJKNXMCSDFJKX)

YES VIN I SUPPORT YOU PULL THAT BITCH APART

okay ive literally never hated goo more than in this moment. like yes i knew he was a fucking psychopath that didnt care abt anyone other than himself but ykkkkkkk i was hoping it wouldnt apply to characters that i cared abt??(this is how im going to get into a toxic relationship and end up on a true crime podcast)

behold the queen herself mary kim. also possibly the best female character ptj has written imo (maybe zoe as well)

OMG THE TANGHULU BOUQUET ISTG ONE OF THESE DAYS I WILL MAKE TANGHULU THEN MAKE A BOUQUET AND GIVE SEONGJI A FUNERAL (help i think im getting too obsessed i have work to do and im here doing this)

OUR FRESHLY GLOWED UP MC IS BACKKKK. i honestly cant tell if its his new or old body at this point someone pls tell me its not just me

thats a bit interesting. i still think that goo is going to be the one to die (but im not as attached to him anymore cuz otherwise taejin would be dead IF NOT FOR HIM) but gun definitely looks kinda depressed in this frame after the whole yk chaps 479-480 soooo idk whats gonna happen. even tho chap 502 is out im just gonna finish my work first and get back to you guys. but cheonliang arc finally ended!!!! and now we hopefully get to see jake kims brother who is like fiiinnneeeee (and a cannibal but whatever im colourblind i dont see red flags)lmao i love how this post just started with like an essay opening and dissolved into shitposting. anyways love you guys prob gonna post again sooooonnnn <33333

#lookism #goo kim #gun park #seongji yuk #taejin cheon #lookism webtoon

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123lyn · 2 months

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So I wrote this random Gladion fic about how he ended up in Team Skull in Business class cuz I literally had nothing better to do—Not sure how I feel about it but hope you like it!

This had definitely not gone as smoothly as Gladion had hoped.

It had been three days since he had ran away, and things were not going well.

The only clothes he had brought (which were just the ones he had left in) were torn and stained from the few times he had actually tried to train Null—which had left him covered in various scratches and other marks (He had not been prepared for the Pokémon's insane amount of energy)—which made his clothes practically useless now, and his body aching from the pain.

He didn't even know where he was. He had barely ever been outside the Aether Paradise—he couldn't even remember the last time he had—and the only plan he had really had for running away was to just save the Type: Null, run to the boats, escape, and that was it.

Thinking back, that was a really stupid idea, and now he wanted to kick himself for it.

Maybe his mother had been right all those times she said neither him or Lillie were ready for the world. Maybe he really shouldn't have run away. Maybe he should try to go back—!

He jumped when he heard a voice.

“Uh, hey, Kid…? You alright?”

It was a man, and one of the strangest looking ones Gladion had ever seen with his puffy white hair and absurd looking fashion he couldn't even describe it was so weird to him.

He hoped he wasn't talking to him, but judging by the lack of other people around them, and the fact that he was looking right at him—It was obvious he was.

Gladion tensed. Maybe if he just reassured him, he would go away?

“I-I'm fine…”

He hated the way he stuttered. He sounded so frail. So weak. And it was disgusting to him.

If he was gonna survive out here, that was something he was definitely going to need to stop.

The man laughed, and Gladion tried not to tense any further.

“Well that's gotta be the most obvious lie I've ever heard.” He smirked.

Gladion tried to glare, but when you were an eleven year old child who was half the size of the person you were glaring at, it didn't really give the effect you wanted.

Sure enough, the man laughed.

“Jeez, Kid. Calm down, no-one's gonna hurt ya.”

His care-free and non-formal voice was another thing that stuck out to Gladion, who was far too used to the high, pompous tones the people at Aether Paradise spoke with.

The man took a seat on a nearby large stone, gesturing for him to join him.

Gladion wasn't that dumb, he knew enough about being on the run to the point where he knew he should never go along with what random strangers told him to do, especially adults.

He shivered as he wondered what his mother would think about that.

The man was still looking at him, clearly waiting for him to sit beside him.

Eventually, Gladion gave in.

The man smiled. “What's your name, Kid?”

“I…”

That was another basic Gladion knew. Never give out your name.

He looked back at the man, scowling again, which caused him to chuckle.

“Relax. Ya don't have to tell me if ya don't wanna. Heck—you could even lie if ya wanted.”

For some reason, that did cause Gladion to relax.

He stayed quiet, and the man seemed to take the hint.

“I'm Guzma.”

Gladion had to admit, knowing his name did make him feel a bit safer.

“...”

He stayed silent, but reached out his hand—something he had always been taught to do.

Rather than shake his hand like Gladion had expected, however, Guzma did this weird thing where he slapped it twice instead—only it wasn't the kind of slap that hurt?

Now he was just confused, and Guzma was laughing some more.

“Aw man, you're something, Kid.”

He was smirking, but it didn't look malicious whatsoever.

When Gladion didn't say anything, Guzma continued their conversation for him.

“...So, take it you're a runaway?”

Gladion almost fell back. “How did you—!”

“You're wearing torn up clothes, you're covered in cuts and bruises, and you're actin’ like a hostile stray Litten. It's kinda obvious.”

Gladion's foot tapped on the ground.

“...Fine…Yeah…I'm a runaway…”

He looked away again. “...So what are you gonna do…? Turn me in…?”

Guzma made a bit of a shocked face, and it was probably the first time so far in their interaction that Gladion had seen him look anything other than smug.

“Course not! Jeez, whaddya take me for!? A snitch!?”

Gladion had no clue what a “snitch” was, but judging by his reaction, it was clearly something bad.

“...I was a runaway once too…”

Guzma said it with a sigh, as if it wasn't exactly a fond memory.

“...It wasn't easy for me, and it definitely ain't gonna be easy for you.”

Guzma looked him up and down, and suddenly, Gladion felt a lot more self-conscious about the dirty state he was in.

Guzma sighed a second time. “Look, I'm probably not supposed to do this…but I've got like—this group. We're all runaways, in a way, and we've gotta place nearby. It ain't much, but it gets a roof over your head, and you could make some money if you carried out some jobs for us.”

Gladion raised an eyebrow, a bit apprehensive to the idea.

He had heard about these kind of groups, and they were bad news, and definitely not something he wanted to get involved with.

“I don't mean anything too shady, just like—taking care of trainers who think it’s funny to mess with us—or literally just going out and picking up whatever stuff we need, get my drift…?”

Gladion had to admit, that was a really tempting idea.

He currently had no place to live, a pitiful amount of money to his name, and absolutely no one he could rely on if things went wrong out here.

If he agreed to Guzma’s offer…did he even have anything to lose?

“I…”

Now it was Gladion’s turn to sigh.

“...Sure, why not?”

A huge grin appeared on Guzma’s face, as he grabbed Gladion and did this weird thing where he rubbed his knuckles into his scalp.

“Ayy! My man over here!”

Gladion grunted, scrambling to get away from him.

It was clear him and Guzma definitely had some…opposing personality traits.

“Come on, Kid. We'll even get you some clean clothes—cause those—” He pointed to the absolute mess that remained of Gladion's current ones—”ain't gonna last another day.”

Gladion couldn't even form any words.

When he had ran away, this definitely wasn't the kind of thing he was expecting. And he had to admit, it did all sound way too good to be true still.

He gave Guzma another uneasy look, who smiled in return.

“Listen, it's gonna be fine, alright? I'm not some kinda weirdo, I swear. And ya really don't have to go with me if you don't wanna.”

Gladion let out a breath, he had been so anxious, he didn't even realize he had forgotten to breathe.

“...Gladion.”

Guzma's face might as well have had the word what etched right into it.

Gladion looked annoyed. “My name. You asked for it earlier…It's Gladion.” He folded his arms.

Guzma tilted his head. “Well, nice to meet'cha, Gladion. Come on, let's get going.”

Gladion didn't even feel as opposed to it anymore, as he followed behind Guzma to wherever he was taking him.

He still couldn't help but feel like this was a bad idea, but yet again, what did he have to lose?

Plus, if things did go wrong, surely running away again, wouldn't be that hard…

#pokemon #gladion #guzma #team skull #fanfic #pokemon fanfiction #pokemon sun and moon #rival gladion #platonic #not a ship

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outlawwithaheart · 10 months

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Oh my goodness, can we have Hosea headcanons with a daughter reader? (or child if you'd like to make it gender neutral)

Their mother was Bessie, who passed when they were very young. In the events of RDR2, they'd be a young adult

But like, how would the kid be growing up in the gang? How would everyone raise them?

TYSM!!

Of course we can! Sorry it took me so long to answer this! I got sick for like 2 weeks, then went camping and didn't have stable connection, so yeah BUT I'M SO HERE FOR THIS!! I can also make a part two if anyone wants it cuz I have a lot to say!!!

Hosea as a Dad to a Young Adult!Reader Headcanons!

Hosea most likely taught you to read, and write when you were younger!

No matter how stubborn you got, he would not let up on it!

If you end up liking reading, or writing he will always buy books/stuff to write with

Once you turn like 10 he's teaching you how to use a gun, 100%

He never did "baby talk", you know that accent people use for animals or little kids

Just talks to you like a regular person, even when you were a baby

He will absolutely not lie about what happened to Bessie! He doesn't want you to end up resenting him when you inevitably find out what really happened

Lets you take sips of beer, by the time you're a young adult you have a limit of one beer a night if you want it

Takes you finishing a lot

He trusts certain camp members with you

For example, he lets Charles take you hunting!

Or, let's Arthur help you practice shooting

Abigail, of course, probably helped with taking care of you sometimes

Absolutely wouldn't trust Sean to take care of you for longer than 20 mins LMAO

Always takes you for long horse rides

Helps you identify different plants, whether or not they're helpful or poisonous! You'll get the hang of it very quickly with him as your Dad!

He will always always always listen to you rant or talk about literally anything

He is so so so patient with you, and the best listener! Also able to give great advice!

He will support you whether you want to be an outlaw, or not

He's a good Dad, he's trying his hardest

Might make a part 2 :)

Anyways, I'm also working on a short one shot of John for another ask! Have a good day/night! <3

#rdr2 headcannons #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 fanfiction #red dead redemption hosea #hosea red dead redemption #hosea rdr2 #rdr2 hosea

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thatonefatgumsimp · 11 months

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so...I may or may not have gotten bored and made a whole incorrect quote tiktok feud between my au young millenial Enji and young gen z Hizashi...

Context: the responses are them stitching back and forth and replying to each other's tiktoks

Enji: "Anyone else hate how gen z is always going around claiming things as their own like the spoiled little brats they are? Oh we invented the cha cha slide, we invented twerking, we invented the cotton eyed joe- bitch no you didn't? We created all those things, those are ours."

Hizashi: "Anyone else hate how millennials are going around trying to steal a platform that isn't theirs cuz their mommy and daddy never gave them attention?"

Enji: "See you say that, but then all of you wear those stupid-ass sunglasses, mom jeans that make you look like a middle aged mother, and a middle part that emphasizes just how little you wash your hair."

Hizashi: "Says the one who went around wearing low rise skinny jeans, thongs, and those wack-ass side parts. Like bestie, get with the vibe. That's so last decade. Also do you not see how fluffy my hair is? I literally washed it yesterday. The audacity."

Enji: "Wig. No one cares. And at least I don't blame shit personality traits on my zodiac sign."

Hizashi: "Well at least I don't blame shit personality traits on my Hogwarts house and think drinking everyday is a personality trait. Literally go to double A, boomer. Low-key."

Enji: "At least we don't romanticize revolution, burning down the government, dying in protests, killing cops, and only shave once in a century, you literal fetus."

Hizashi: "I'm sorry, I don't remember last century…tell us, grandpa, what was the first world war like? Do you still have memorabilia from then like the original black and white gameboy and first edition Pokémon red?"

Enji: "See you think you're all that and a bag of chips, but you're not. Please finish puberty before you try to sit at the adult's table, kiddo."

Hizashi: "Literally what are you even saying? Speaking gibberish animal crossing lookin ass. "wig", "all that and a bag of chips" like what does that even mean, you fuckin dinosaur?"

Enji: "Your generation acts like you know nihilism, but you've literally only lived a decade and a half. Think before you continue speaking."

Hizashi: "Sorry, you're right. I'll just shut up until I've lived a century like you. Like damn you just like complaining, huh, Karen? I suggest you take several seats. And fix your hair while you're at it."

Enji: "Well you and your entire generation can suck it. You can't tell me what to wear or how to act. I've been rocking this side part since you had Kermit on your underwear."

Hizashi: sitting in a chair in his room with his real glasses on, midway down the bridge of his nose and a pen and notepad in hand "Mmhm…and does that make you feel better and more mature that you're going online emotionally dropkicking children? Does it give BDE? Cuz I'm gonna be honest, it's giving compensation for me…would you like to talk about it?"

Enji: "Ironic that you're acting like a therapist for me when your generation is literally the most depressed generation. mockingly Would you like a cookie?"

Hizashi: "Mmmmh no thanks, my parents taught me to never take candy from strangers…they also taught me how to have basic manners unlike you apparently."

Enji: "Well at least my generation isn't the bunch of dumbasses that's trying to cancel Eminem. That's cute that you even think you can do that. He was around before any of you were even born. What? Are you just mad that he was an actual lyricist unlike your modern mumble-rappers? In fact, I think you're the one that needs to take a chill pill. He was spitting bars before you could even talk."

Hizashi: "Mmh mmh, see- that's not even what we were talking about, don't go off topic Mr. "my generation has no idea how to use emojis correctly"."

Enji: "I can't even with you, child. You're testing my patience. We invented and used emojis first. Try again, Little Tyke. And honestly? Kindly stfu. No one asked you for your opinion anyways."

Hizashi: "Woahhhh calm down, Jamal, don't pull out the 9. And patience? Honey, what patience. It's giving chronically online. Go touch grass."

Enji: "At least I'm not an idiot who calls yoga pants flared leggings."

Hizashi: "Well at least we don't pay an ungodly amount for overpriced avocado toast or call our pets fur babies, idiot. Mic. Dropped. Get dunked on, boomer."

#shitposting #random shitpost #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #incorrect bnha quotes #incorrect mha quotes #mha shitpost #bnha shitpost #mha incorrect quotes #bnha incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes #idk man i got bored-

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sweaters-n-socks · 2 months

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I have a younger sister

But no matter whatever i try I can never seem to bring myself to like her. Every time I see her she is just so annoying and I feel like I wanna smash something and just break my head off. Everything she does irritates me from her mannerisms, the way she talks, the way she steals my stuff but never gets scolded, the way she has had a kinder bringing up than I did, the way she’s only been hit once or twice her entire life but I’ve been slapped well into my higher teens, the way she just starts dancing out of nowhere like an absolute crackhead, the way she gets to grow up with a tv while I didn’t have that chance because when we got a proper connection I was already in grade 11 and I had to focus on school, the way she gets to keep all the relative given money and spend it on whatever without a question but I’ve been taught to hand it over straight to my dad the second it touches my hands, how she is going to be able to spend her teen years happily with a separate room and alone with all my parents’ full attention while I’ve had to suffer with her annoying ass at home all my life till now, the way she already has a laptop of her own and was also given a phone before she even hit her teens but I still have to use a hand me down broken laptop that has a barely functioning keyboard and got a phone of my own only in senior secondary and only because I had to travel far for coaching classes and not because my parents actually wanted to get me one and even now my mom keeps checking my phone and keeps reading all my texts and I have no privacy so what is the point of whatsapp anymore , the way she gets to have the door to her room closed anytime she wants but my mom keeps my door open and keep checking in on me, the way my sister is allowed to go to the terrace alone with her friends whenever she wants till whenever she wants but I always had to ask for permission and had a early curfew, the way my parents always tell me that I have to guide her once I’ve gone to college but why the heck should I who guided me who told me what to do who told me how to study when I didn’t have that guidance I don’t feel like she should have an unfair advantage because I know that if she turns out better than I did my parents will rub it in forever, the way she’s going to get to go on vacations every summer from now on and they’re already making a list of all the countries they’re gonna go to next year after I’ve left to college because my family is doing better than when I was a kid but I’ve never gone anywhere apart from my native place and the only time I’m gonna get to travel is when I can afford it myself, the way she just randomly screams for no reason like she got stabbed but will just be ignored but if I yell out of shock because I spilled water on my notes I get screamed at for acting immaturely, they way my parents won’t repeat the same mistakes they did on me when it comes to her because even though they may have meant it as a joke they said that now they know how to raise a kid but for some damn reason I can’t take it as a joke, the thought that I know is wrong to think but I can’t help it which is that if my sister weren’t there my parents maybe could spend more money and time on me and I could worry less about how they’re gonna afford my college fees, the way she gets to have no restrictions on what she gets to watch but I’m always constantly monitored even though I’m literally almost 18 now, the way my dad keep a saying that I’m her second mother but why the fuck am I supposed to take on that responsibility unwillingly cuz if it’s ur child you raise it and stop putting pressure on me to help you raise her if I don’t want to, the way I’m crying while typing all of this and my mom just came and asked my why I’m crying and when I told her the reason she just yelled at me for not understanding that this is how I family is and how I’m not being kind enough when she doesn’t even realise how much this is affecting me, the way I just really really want to move out to college as soon as I can and never see my sister ever again.

#sorry for the long rant I don’t know what to do right now apart from cry and my mom thinks I’m being pathetic and weak and over emotional #and her telling me that is just making me feel worse about myself and I don’t know how to stop crying #and it just hurts so much #am I really being too sensitive and irrational about this?

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itsadragonaesthetic · 10 months

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Was taught about the atom bombs in middle school in grave detail with bits of brainwashing and then never learned about it that intensely until now and uhhh just wanted to share some thoughts. (I'm actually trying to cope right now and I feel like blabbering lmao) Trigger for general discussion of the bombs, personal fears and feelings, and mentions of Nazis. Please tell me if I should add more/different tags.

I was very thoroughly brainwashed about WW2 when I was in middle school. No doubt. Full blown "it was a necessary evil" and "Americans are the heros" and "the greatest generation" all taught by an asshole boomer (no literally) who forced me to watch reconstructions of people being vaporized by the bombs (I asked to not participate and he refused).

I genuinely look back on that similarly to how my mom looks back on the similarly brutal education she got. It was traumatizing. After that I just blanked it all out of my mind for years. I got to it in high school but didn't pay much attention and the curriculum didn't go in depth as to not be opinionated or traumatize anyone being forced to read about it against their will.

I've been learning about it again over the last few days out of curiosity, prime timing with a WW2 movie being released, and because I could feel some kind of weird wound in my psyche about those bombs that I wanted to explore.

Something new that has happened is that I'm beginning to comprehend that WW2 actually happened. I was told about it when I was a fucking child as to lessen the impact of how crazy it was. To make it impossible for me to fully process and question it. To make the event sound normal. Later I knew of the horrors of the Nazis, especially cuz some idiots currently decided to bring it up into politics again. I'm not sure if I'll ever fully process any of that honestly. I learned a lot about it in high school, but nothing too crazy.

That bombing tho, and the entire situation of the US relationship with Japan... it's hard to think about. I think it's hard because of that brainwashing. Even if I say I don't like America or whatever, I have to admit that there are some patterns in there that will always need weeding simply due to my education. Ableism, racism, harmful nationalism, disconnect from other countries, all of that doesn't fix itself when you yell "fuck america".

I was initially taught with the American pride ideas. We had no choice, the Japanese were evil savages, and America is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Woo pride for our troops or whatever. I grew up and realized it was all bullshit but I had a sort of... apologist perspective on the horrors. Those people were brainwashed. Those marines thought they were doing the right thing. Those poor Americans just wanted the war to end. They didn't know what that bomb did.

But I only thought that because that's the America I choose to see in the present day. I still talk respectfully to veterans simply because I pity them, and many realized they were duped by the Iraq war propaganda. I give them respect because they didn't deserve to experience that, nor did they want to. I also generally think of Americans as ignorant. They only think these wars are justified because they've been led astray by assholes at the top who want more money. Were all just a bunch of roaches at the bottom of a barrel being swayed by the tides of our upbringing.

This was not how it was in WW2. People were victims of propaganda, but many were truly evil. I liked to imagine people felt shock and fear after the first test, but no. People cheered. People were given medals after dropping the bomb. They had the mushroom cloud and news coverage play on TV and people said "we should bomb them again". They saw survivors years after the event and laughed at their deformities. Americans whined and bitched about the war effort, then took full credit for being good humanitarians after we won. Japanese Americans were treated like less than animals.

The Nazis were just... that shit is enough to give you nightmares for sure. But that evil feels far away. It feels like it's fueled by mythical monsters and misinformed people. Maybe the bombs are only shaking me so bad because it's close to home, but hearing about those bombings makes me feel... haunted. The power of the sun, creation itself, was released and it birthed a thousand demons that still stalk every person even remotely affected. Generations down, it feels like the spirit of some lost soul is looking for someone to blame. As an American, it feels like it must be me. The fact that I knew so many kids in high school who chose the WW2 special courses that unpack those horrors and many still came out as white nationalists reminds me that WW2 wasn't even 100 years ago. The mindset that unleashed the most atrocious horrors upon the earth isn't long dead like I was taught it was. Nor is it in some far off land. I am indeed superstitious, and it makes me afraid of demons disguised as people. When they said learning about this stuff is enough to make you feel like half of a human for an afternoon, they weren't kidding.

#ww2 #wwii #tw holocaust #vent post #my posts #dragon speaks #tw nazis #paranoia inducing

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spatio-rift · 11 months

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I just found your account and as a devoted zanark simp for almost 3 years now i MUST talk about him or else i will explode and die.

I would love to hear any headcanons you might have for him🙏

Also your art is absolutely adorable!!

HELLO MY FELLOW ZANARK FAN vigorously shakes ur hand 🤝🤝🤝

i think youve probably seen a bit of that here and there on my blog already but um if were talking about my favorite hcs when it comes to zanark... i read a pixiv comic once where it turned out as a result of his upbringing and the kind of childhood he had as an outcast who was always alone + then going to prison zanark never learned how to read and write and its something i like a lot 🥺 i try to casually incorporate that into everything i do w him... (i think the same thing probably goes for a lot of second stage children who had to fend for themselves since they were very young...!! who would have taught them..? though they might have learned while in feida later from other kids!! obviously that wouldnt apply to zanark though!!)

erm i always wonder what kind of relationship he has with zanark domain and i just dont think it would make sense for him to see them as friends or even just sort of part of His Gang cuz hes a loner so ive been assuming theyre actually fellow mugen prisoners who were offered a lighter sentence or other such things for helping him out against raimon after omega 3.0 got sent to loser baby jail so far. most of them really respect his strength so there arent any issues abt his attitude mostly but like yeah i just cant see him respect them enough to be his friends or even associates lawl theyre like his fans to me. lord zanark fanclub pal pack and all that

also i think he doesnt care to learn most peoples names because its funny to me and hes just that self centered. he knows raimon as a unit and nishiki personally by name but like thats it. not his full name though which really annoys nishiki because hes got this whole thing about having the same name as sakamoto ryouma and that was when he saved his life and stuff he should KNOW this.

OH WAIT i do actually have actual hcs about him and shit. i just checked my notes. i like to think hes not completely bullshitting everyone when he calls himself a nameless nobody from nowhere (this rolls off the tongue way better than what he literally says in jp you have to admit) so imo he did actually grow up on the streets (see first paragraph) after being abandoned (and specifically abandoned i dont think hes an orphan i think his parents left him behind like fei cuz he was freaky lol) and he really did not have a name until he got caught by el dorado and they had to put a name on his file and zanark avalonic was just what he thought of in the moment. but it slaps so hes allowed to do his bit about being nameless with a name. if i thought of something that good i would also add it to my catchphrase even if it makes it not make sense anymore.

and i also thought about his crimes before and personally what i think is. its mostly stuff like stealing and property damage, maybe specifically the theft of a timecraft and unlicensed time travelling + modifications to the time route as separate heavier offenses, and i wont rule out some fisticuffs and injuries to other people but its definitely not something Huge like killing people. i think he mostly is considered That dangerous a criminal bc of his attitude and of course his being a second stage child and not because he did some Massive Awful crime or something. but thats also kind of related to what i think about el dorado and second stage children which isnt necessarily what canon suggests near the end... but well thats a whole other subject. all this to say that i DID ponder his crimes for a while.

UM I WILL STOP THERE LAWL thank you so much for liking my art and finding it cute <3 i know his design and voice dont help his case but it was really upsetting for me to find out that some people dont even seem to realize he is a child 😭 calling him a grown ass man and whatnot so im making it my lifes mission to draw him looking ever so slightly more his age🥴

btw heres my favorite pic of him from baku gaidenshuu. CHOMP

#WAIT CAN I SAY JUST ONE MORE THING....!#i just dont think hes the kind of person who would just obediently stay in his time period just bc it would mess with the time route...!#now that hes gotten a taste of how fun raimon is i think he would absolutely routinely come back for a game or two!#with protocol omega hot on his ass because he is STILL illegally time travelling!

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chocolate-failure · 11 months

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I saw my best friend last Saturday. I don't know if I have a name for him here... Maybe Ichigo cuz he is, in fact, the protagonist. I don't mean this in a tongue and cheek way, he literally was the protag of my life.

It's odd feeling like you're not the main character of your own story. I think I was at one point jealous of him because of it but knowing him taught me compersion. I've known him since we were 5 and 6 so I tend to ascribe my misplaced jealousy with being a kid. I think I'm still kind of envious of his life and clarity but now thinking back on our childhoods you couldn't pay me to switch places with him.

Growing up I was the golden child in my family, both immediate and extended. Everyone knew how smart, talented, and unique I was. And while my parents never missed an opportunity to brag about me, my uniqueness was less of boon to them. I was weird. I'm still weird but now I'm attractive enough to most people to have my weirdness overlooked. That was not the case in my childhood. I was and to a degree still am ashamed of who I am because I couldn't fit the mold. But boi was I good at stuff. I rarely had to put forth much effort to get things done or achieve a goal and my parents exulted that, however, to my parents reinforcement and support were conditional. They may not have done it consciously but they treated my brother like he was inept and undeserving of support and care because he couldn't do things as well as me. Like of course couldn't, not only was he autistic with other developmental delays he was 2 years younger than me. That shit was beyond unfair, but I saw it and worked very fucking hard not to be regarded in the same light as my brother.

It's stressful having to be perfect and infallible but that's what I strived to be. Ichigo was very much the same only better in every conceivible way. I don't think my parents preferred him over me but they were very much impressed with him. When he was around I kinda wasn't the golden child anymore. He was so well adjusted, smart, and creative... He still is. Everytime he was around I felt like I could relax from being the perfect kid cuz he was the perfect kid. And it was even more so that way when I went to his house or his events.

Being a supporting character in someone's story very much fits with my mental experience as well. I'm constantly depersonalized and derealized, taking a back seat in my day to day experience. Of course I'm not real and of course I'm not the focal point of my own life. God I wish I were dead.

#journal #ichigo #friends #golden child syndrome #imposter syndrome

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iamshay · 1 year

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New year in 4 days

It's been a long year, with a lot of roller coaster for me. What Doesn't kill you Makes you stronger.

My life has challenged me a lot since growing up. It has to reshape to be stronger as a rock. It has taught me a lot. Since I lost my dad, I was the brick of taking my life. Because life without a dad has been super challenging he was my rock, I know it's fucked up to say this. But he was god in my eyes. I was super blessed with an amazing dad. That dual his own challenge life how much he sacrificed for his family. He needs oscar for that. To be an amazing dad never missed single birth of all 12 birth from the same woman he was married to til he took his last breath.

Faithful and royal! Now this generation, not even dad can manage to be there for his one child. So many females nowadays act out cuz of the daddy issue. I was blessed with an Amazing dad just in a generally amazing family, even though we have our own issues but the family didn't speak to them. They would line up if they heard anyone messing with me. There been in the past if anyone gives me threats, they line up and beat the crap out of that person. It's literally like godfather where sonny Corleone each time his sister someone mess with her went nuts and took matters into his own hands. My family got a temper like that. I don't condone violence, But that is how my sisters are. If you mess with one of the families you mess with everyone.

So we are here I won't bore yah with my past life story because I am a pretty private person. I like only sharing the amount I like to share. But here we are today 27th December. closing into the new year in a couple of days left of this 2022. This year has been a rough but nice couple of month break from streaming and gaming and just in general from my mom since me and her don't get along that much. I need a couple of month break from all drama she brought to my apartment each time she visit. I just don't like her bitch about my sister and how rude and mean they were to her. I try to talk to them as an adult she is a woman of the house and she should use her voice. I don't actually care what my sister does with their life. If they choose to have multi tattoos or do surgery etc. Whatever she complains about to me. I just don't care what they do. I live my life and they should be allowed to do whatever they want. My mom is super old fashion she is still in an old mindset and kinda and close-minded too. My dad was an open-minded person.

When I get into a deep fight with my mom or brother, I like to take a long breather and walk away, and take a break from them. It can take years or months. As much time as I need. When i know am literally talking to the walker and gaslighting my mom. My brother is pretty understanding when comes to that. he gives all space if someone needs it. He doesn't harass a person or force, someone, to talk. Like my mom does. If I block her she goes involved with others in her bullshit. Also, she does this because she realizes that she was wrong. But sometimes she doesn't understand I need more time than that. it should be on my terms, not hers. My dad was nothing like her. That's why I was super close to my dad, we had a lot in common as for personality and how we think in general. Anyways... There short story. How different my parents are.

Past two days I have not been feeling well. I have dealt with a bit of kidney stone pain. I live with small kidney stones since I was in my 20s couple of years actually I am used to the pain I can tolerate it. But there's someone's pain so powerful feel like their knife scratching through my chest to my belly. That it's so hard to move sometimes. ITs have been super cold in my apartment as well. I got a fireplace but it takes a lot of wood burning until the whole apartment gets warm and I am empty with wood. The fact electrical bill went higher if use heater its more bill for me. I usually use a heater in my setup room and my bedroom where I am most at. the living room is big and where my fireplace is at.

It takes 3 heaters til it gets warm. unless I turn on the fireplace if could afford wood for the fireplace. Norway sucks ass they made woods bundle so expensive. Is like they trying to freeze their own people to death. What is messed up about this set net bag full of wood from the store is that It takes all that wood for my fireplace to warm up. Cuz my fireplace is made of rock. You have to use a lot of wood. I would need 100 of these net bags full of wood make for this month. I am just sick of living in this apartment. It gets super cold sometimes. Each year it's different when it comes to Norway. One year is shorter winter another is longer. and colder.

I have managed to pay my debt finally and I have not renewed any twitch subscription to any stream only when been on sale days I have a sub. But now my full focus is to save up money to refill food and save money for a house. I am trying by next year or next year 2024 be a house owner. Save up like crazy. I am trying to save the last 27k maybe more than that so get a loan from the bank. I am a very flexible person I don't care which city I will end up in Norway. All I care about is that my house is big enough and has a lot of rooms and garden, and a fiber connection. Because I don't mind taking train and bus. plus after buying a home I am taking a driver's license I don't rush that either.

Since I moved away from Oslo in 2012/2013 I have grown and gotten super wiser when I also become super smart with my finical use and saving up money. I don't rely on anyone when comes to my family. None of them have to lift a finger to help out. All money I got was borrowed money. I have to pay them back. But as for them as like to donate and give me money without getting it back. zero fingers lifted. I have never been a spoiled person. This is what kinda woman I am. A very independent young woman. I don't like to rush my life or just in general anything. How I walk, eat, sleep, do, etc. Just anything. As long I don't have health risks. here is how I see it. I am young and I got time to do stuff I want. I don't compete with anyone. I don't care if I get my driver's license late by the time I get my half of those people who had a year lost theirs. for doing stupid shit that broke the law. it's very common over here in Norway IDK about USA.

I know each year it gets expensive but since I am good to save up the money I don't mind. A lot of people on twitch watch think I am rich got money. No, I have to bleed and sweat just to save up money and go in hunger for bills. They are very cheapskate bitch about me having ads on twitch. Like bitch sub up or leave !!! i don't stream for hours for free. You saving money up for bathtub female but u can't use your prime or sub few dollars not see ads on my channel. In my channel, nobody is forced to watch me. And if you don't like it just fuck off. For real. Either you stfu watching ads or leave. Your cheapskate mindset can fuck off!! I ban anyone that follows and short time unfollows me after I called them out. For me it's a perm ban there is no second chance. I don't want to have those petty people in my community. I don't force anyone either but got zero tolerance for petty and cheapskate either.

Some are so dumb refresh the page and thinks they will skip the ads. all they do is refresh ads. the ads start all over again. If they complain to the big stream they will run despite them complain 5 ads and mid ads plus even if you ads now twitch forcibly run ads. Like i have seen people run 5 ads each second. My ads are super short too that they complain. Go watch fucking youtube streamer or trovo streamer if you don't want ads. From there all u get from trovo is a dead streamer with zero personality. They pay real their own money just to gain views. Youtube doesn't even read the chat. I want just to make that clear. Do not come to my stream behave and say stupid shit that pisses me off. Cuz you end up getting that ban hammer from personally from me. I can multi-task trust. OR just fuck off fr fr !!!

I want to share some selfies that I have not shared that I turn into art this app is crazy <3

Alright, again will post what I said in the previous post about the drama. Atm, I am focusing on getting better and holidays and the new year I will post it once I have found all the screenshot shit.

I am going rp a bit. til I get tired I guess. For yah dear readers. Good night. The app is called lensa it costs money btw.

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hellishcreep101 · 2 years

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BIKER GIRL

ft. Ken Ryuguji, Baji Keisuke, Mitsuya Takashi x f!reader

content: Toman boys finding out their s/o owns a motorcycle

warnings: none

A/N: Hello, there. This is my first time posting here on an old Tumblr account I haven’t used in years. Honestly, after watching Tokyo Revengers, the show made me remember how much I’ve always wanted a motorcycle of my own growing up (I’m 21 now and still want one). But, y’all know how most families can be about the idea and/or are against their child wanting or even buying their own motorcycle (for good reason cuz people can’t drive for shit sometimes). Anyways, enjoy~

KEN RYUGUJI:

Motorcycle: 2005 Kawasaki Ninja ZX-6RR

You were driving around town one day and just happened to run into Draken at a red light

He didn’t know it was you since you had a helmet on. Honestly, you weren’t even paying attention and didn’t realize he was right next to you

Lowkey thought it was hot that a girl drove a motorcycle

You happened to run into Draken again on the way home at a gas station and he noticed you this time

Pretty surprised that you owned a motorcycle and never told him about it

“Because you never asked…?”

Asked if you wanted to ride with him some time and even offered to fix your bike if it had any problems

Late night motorcycle rides

Got Draken’s tattoo on the side of your bike to match his bike

KEISUKE BAJI:

Motorcycle: 2003 Suzuki GSX-R 1000

You were invited to tag along with Emma at a Toman meeting since she was with Draken and wanted to hang out

Casually rolled up to the meeting and a few members asked you why you were there, then told you to leave or they would scrap your motorcycle for parts

“You dickwads lay a finger on my bike and I’ll make sure you’ll never be able to ride yours again.”

Out of everyone else, Baji was the only one who never knew you owned a motorcycle

Would definitely try to race you if you guys were out and about

Loser would owe the winner lunch

Of course, he’d lose to you most of the time and owe you lunch

If you lost to him, not only did you owe your boyfriend lunch, you’d also pay him with cuddles and kisses

MITSUYA TAKASHI:

Motorcycle: 2003 Suzuki GSF 1200S Bandit

Surprised him by bringing him over to your place and telling him your uncle got it for your birthday

A bit skeptical and worried about you owning a motorcycle after being taught to ride on his for only a month, but is still happy for you cuz he loves you

Is lowkey like your dad

Will bring you to a store and buy you the proper gear when you ride and find you the best highly recommended durable helmet

“Babe…you literally wear your helmet around your neck and almost never wear any gear when you drive.”

“I just want my babygirl to be safe, that’s all. Plus, I think this helmet would look pretty cute on you. It even matched the color of your bike!”

He’s a dork, but you love him anyways and just go with it

Eventually gains enough trust to let you drive without a helmet or protective gear every now and then

Will text you at 3am to ride with him if he couldn’t go to sleep and tell him to stay the night instead of drive home

#baji keisuke #ken ryuguji #mitsuya takashi #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo revengers #anime #torev #tokyo manji gang #baji keisuke x reader #ken ryuuguji x reader #mitsuya takashi x reader

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mettywiththenotes · 3 years

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Izuku’s Emotional Neglect

Hi so I’m not okay because I keep thinking about Izuku

This kid has been emotionally neglected since he was little. Izuku has had NOBODY to rely on emotionally

He didn’t have Inko, or his classmates, or All Might. Actually, All Might is borderline the only one he’s confided in [since they talk briefly about their connection of being quirkless], but he still holds back

Inko is trying her best and no parent is perfect, I see that, but what she said to Izuku that fateful night damaged that boy and the way he saw himself.

He asks her if he can be a hero, and she cries and says she’s sorry. Not only does this imply that Izuku’s quirklessness is bad, it also implies that she was lying.

And by the way, I don’t mean that Inko ACTUALLY lied that Izuku could be a hero, nor do I think that she meant to mean his quirklessness was bad.

But I need, NEED, to stress that this is how Izuku sees it. This is how he would perceive it, subconciously.

If you’re a child and you think that you can be a hero, your parent encourages it because it makes you happy. But then suddenly you can’t be a hero, and you ask them one more time if it’s possible, hoping that those little wishes you made weren’t fruitless, that maybe somehow this is some kind of dream and she’ll wake you up from it with her smile and her warmth, promising that even with this newfound “disability” you can still be a hero, but instead she cries and apologises to you? That’s going to make you think. It’s going to make you think “Was she lying? if she truly believed in me, why would she cry and say she’s sorry? why isn’t she encouraging me, like she always does? what is happening?”

It’s not the truth, and Inko DIDN’T lie, but subconsciously I feel like it’s something that betrayed Izuku a great deal.

And with the quirklessness. He hates it, he hates feeling useless, and he saw himself as useless when he was quirkless, therefore -> quirkless is something weak and awful.

Time and time again, we see this evidence of the emotional neglect he was subjected to. It’s like actively ongoing and the effects of it are seen even now

We’ll start with the Inko one. I just mentioned it, but here are the panels. It’s really just the language that she uses

“You mean there’s something wrong?”

Apologizing over and over again, like not being normal was a bad thing. Moreso, I think this just meant that she knew how hard Izuku’s life was going to be as a quirkless person, but the way she says it makes it sound like what happened to Izuku was wrong and bad and incredibly awful

Then we have All Might disregarding his feelings and telling him straight up that he couldn’t be a hero

Which then leads to this commentary

“Don’t cry! Let it sink in!!” “Just block it out, just block it all out, just-”

*pats Izuku on head* You Can Fit So Much Denial And Repression Into This Kid!

Then further along, Izuku is seen, and he gets the quirk. He is then surrounded by people that love him, that want to help him, but it’s almost like even the narrative won’t let him have emotional closure.

In most emotional closure scenes (Tsuyu crying, Kirishima vs Rappa, Iieda in the hospital with Shouto and Izuku, Kacchan vs Deku 2), there is an end to it. The character is emotional, crying or upset, and thinking back on their regrets, spilling their guts as they scream, sob, or give solemn expressions. The other characters then cheer/hype them up, reaching some sort of conclusion to the character’s pain, and the situation is more or less resolved.

But that’s not the case with Izuku. He’s always left sorta hanging there, or his hurt and anger get sidetracked by something else. One example of this is the Running With All Might scene in the UA grounds

Izuku is incredibly upset that All Might chose to withhold information on Sir Nighteye and Mirio, and he speaks about how he can’t make sense of it. He’s voicing all his worries to All Might as they run, because he can’t stand the thought of All Might keeping something like this a secret from him.

And then All Might tells him why he kept it a secret, that he didn’t feel it was necessary to let Izuku know about Nighteye’s bias, and then it divulges into him telling Izuku he’s gonna die, and Izuku focuses on that instead.

I am NOT saying that All Might did this purposefully. He didn’t try and steer Izuku’s anger away from him, it was just that it all got revealed so suddenly, so the subject changed.

The narrative tosses Izuku’s feelings of anger aside, and instead Izuku gets emotional over All Might’s potential death. Idk man, to go from angry and upset about withheld information and then immediately shoved into the knowledge that your mentor-father figure is gonna die? That’s the narrative playing with Izuku’s feelings.

Obviously, All Might’s communication skills are awful and he just kinda unloaded all this stuff on Izuku cuz he didn’t think to tell him in the first place, but I still think Izuku’s feelings got pushed around here. He had no time to process any of it

Another example is the cafeteria scene with Shouto and Iieda

The scene goes that Izuku is visibly depressed by the Eri situation and Iieda and Shouto notice. They tell him that he can talk to them when everything gets too much [a parallel to the Stain fight], and Izuku cries. Izuku insists he shouldn’t cry, and Shouto tells him that, actually, Heroes cry too sometimes, and they offer him their food in an attempt to comfort him.

But the thing is, this scene doesn’t offer closure. Closure would be Izuku seeing that he could rely on his friends and telling them how he feels [he wouldn’t have to necessarily tell them about Eri - maybe just phrase it in another way that doesn’t reveal the mission]. Closure would be Izuku accepting that Heroes can cry too, and admitting he’s not okay. Instead, we have this

The scene feels... incomplete? Like there’s no knot at the end of the rope. Izuku is being comforted, but he’s not acknowledging his own feelings of sadness.

In fact, he’s shoveling food into his mouth to stop himself from crying, to shut himself up, to try and move forward and get past his little outburst.

I would go as far as to say this is self hatred eating, trying to quell that vulnerable part inside

I wouldn’t say Izuku HATES himself now. Rather, he just makes connections to his past quirkless self in his mind. It’s the negative emotion connection

Feeling weak? Well, you’re still like your quirkless self before! You’re still not good enough and useless!

Not strong enough? Sounds like back when you were quirkless! All weak and helpless! You can’t help anyone, which is why you need to get stronger, so you can move on from your past self!

Crying? Just like when you were quirkless! You always cried back then, like a helpless kid! You can’t be like that anymore, since you are now All Might’s Successor and A Hero, so stop crying! You’re not allowed to cry anymore!

Do you see what I’m getting at here? Izuku continuously represses these emotions as he gets stronger because he connects them to when he was quirkless. If you associate certain behaviors and emotions with how you were during a vulnerable and traumatic time in your life, you’re going to want to shove those emotions down so you don’t repeat what happened back then [in this case, Izuku sees himself being vulnerable as weak, and he saw himself as weak when he was quirkless, so he’s trying not to be vulnerable anymore].

And the scary thing is, now, we can even see the hatred in real time. I’m sure there are other examples in the manga, but one scene is very prominent in my mind, and it’s this one

Izuku is so incredibly strong now, he has saved many people, but he still can’t view himself as anything other than “useless” or “helpless” unless he powers through death itself just to break himself more. He almost feels like he HAS to do that in order to be seen as worthy, for himself and others. When he’s struggling, bleeding and heavily injured, he yells at himself as if it’s all his fault.

It’s not about whether he’s aware he’s actively dying or not. To him, being worthless and useless is infinitely worse than dying.

Actually, the way Izuku practically yells at himself in this panel reminds me of when he was walking home in chapter 1 after his chat with All Might [shown above when talking about All Might’s impact]

There are two translated versions of this actually that ring alarm bells in my head. There is the panel already pictured above, but I chose this panel too because I simply think it hits harder

“Don’t cry! You knew already, right?! This is reality...”

In either translation, he’s chiding himself. For crying. For being emotional.

And once again, I totally think this stems from emotional neglect. Trying not to get too personal here, but I know what this feels like, and I know the effect it has had on me. I can’t be vulnerable or spill my feelings in front of people, it just feels illegal or smthg. Like it shouldn’t be done. And like... if you’re taught from an early age that, one way or another, your feelings don’t matter and that nobody is going to pay attention to you, why try, right?

Then you just begin to Not Feel Properly, and you become incapable of expressing your feelings in a healthy manner

Current examples of this?

Izuku literally not giving himself time to process anything, like worry, grief, sadness. If anything, the only emotion he gives time for is anger. And he specifically directs it at All For One, cause that’s his target. [we saw little bits of this in War Arc but it also applies to the current arc]

He can’t cry. He feels emotional, sure. But he never lets his tears shed.

And one last bit of evidence

I’d say most if not all of these sound about right

In conclusion I wanna hug Izuku

#istg i really don't mean to make long posts #i just have many thoughts #all the time #and once i get going on a post there's no stopping me #ahhhhh i wish i could not go on rants #but alas i have the power to and so i must #uhhhhh lmao i didn't mean to get personal in this post but here we are #bnha #bnha 321 #bnha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #izuku midoriya #tw eating disorder mention #tw eating disorder #idk if it actually is #but i looked it up and it seems connected #please i IMPLORE you if any of the info i gave seems a bit off #like the psychology stuff and eating mention #don't hesitate to message me so i can fix it #i encourage corrections #after all i'm not an expert in the field but i know what i've gone through #and it feels the same as what izuku has been through too #so yh #rambling #ramblings #the way this post jumps from ranting to analysis #PARKOUR!

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papers4me · 3 years

Text

Fruits Basket Manga Review, ch (92-93)

That was painful & so well-written! This analysis will focus on kyokyo mainly & faintly on her effect on kyo. Although, her story affects tohru’s life immensely, I won’t analyze tohru’s part & will wait until it’s a tohru’s chapter to use the knowledge of kyoko’s past to better read tohru’s mind & understand her decisions! Can’t wait! after all, that’s why I’ve read the manga to begin with!

-Kyoko’s Atonement: (the weight of words):

Kyoko breaks down after she learns she’s expecting. Why? cuz she hurt her mom. The notion that “yeah my parents caused me emotional trauma & so I’mma hurt them as well” is toxic & burdening as it starts a cycle of pain. Kyoko was right. She had no idea how her mom felt seeing her rebel, or follow violence or hear her harsh words. I’m not cleansing the mom from guilt nor responsibility. I’m just saying since the mom’s pov is blocked from us, assuming shes similar to the dad is wrong. kyoko’s fear of being punished with a child similar to herself is genuine, realistic & refreshing to see expressed in anime! usually character like kyoko are cool & brave, but here she’s humanly weak & doubtful. LOVE IT!

Moreover, in furuba words weigh on ppl & have consequences. We see this with kyo. His dad destroyed him verbally with words “ not my fault, it’s yours” that kyo echoes back to yuki! meaning the consequences of the dad’s words cause harm to his wife, kyo & even yuki!. Kyo was tormented with his own words for long time & clung to them even more in order not to resort to suicide! “ not my fault, it’s the rat’s” . Words can crush you down so bad if you hear them from loved ones, & worse if you utter them back to other loved ones! here kyoko learned that just the mere thought of her future child echoing her words back to her would torment her to death! Excellent writing!

-Katsuya invented Furuba’s vision (Accepting weakness & moving on):

The teachings of kyoko & tohru were really katsuya’s after all. I’m fne with that. These teachings are the core of Furuba’s vision. He tells kyoko to accept that she’s weak, afraid & doubtful. it’s okay. But gives her tools to move on. Your kid isn’t you. They’re an individual person. As parents all we can do is give love/hugs (sth kyoko’s parents didnt do), listen to them (sth yuki’s parents didnt do) & if they do sth wrong will explain it & teach them well (sth kyo’s parents didn’t do, his wrong deed was being born a cat spirit & he was hated for it with no explanation, mom gave lots of “fake” love & escaped by death, dad became a raging monster). Accepting weakness & moving on is what the cursed sohmnas needed to do to heal & what tohru taught them. Off course, tohru herself struggled to follow her own teachings & that’s amazingly realistic!

-Kyoko’s guilt (punishment brings ease):

Kyoko wanted to be punished so harsh for her husband’s death. The gossip got to her. She failed him as a life’s companion. Taking care of our loved ones is a duty we carry with much love & care. Them slipping away is perceived as us failing by none than ourselves. The thing is, death comes with no warning at times. It was his time to leave. Accepting it or not, wont bring him back, but accepting it will help kyoko deal with pain while not accepting will cause more pain for her & tohru.

One of the most painful things abt grief is that it’s personal. Life continues around you. Only you feel it. “didn’t the world end when katsuya died”. No kyoko. Only you died emotionally. Only him died physically. Kyo once said “ mom why didn’t you kill me instead”. A different reaction to grief, guilt & pain, but same conclusion: neither katsuya nor kyo’s mom are coming back no matter how much pain kyo or kyoko felt.

Kyoko found ease in emotional death, neglecting & refusing life, punishing herself for staying after him.

kyo found ease in rage & blaming others as he his father did, later he’ll escape to emotional & physical slow death “ cat cage/confinement”.

tohru... found ease in pretending "I’m okay” & her mom is alive.. but not physically.. emotionally, so she’ll ignore the truth & live only for her.

Didn’t I say grief is harsh, weird & very very personal. It’s hard to explain, deal with & heal. The mere words of consolation hurt cuz the grieving ones dont want to accept loved one are really gone. Her dad’s harsh words cemented the “emotional death” that kyoko felt. I’m not needed. neither katsuya. nor parents in general. depression. misery. sadness. emptiness.

-The tv show helped to trigger kyoko’s desire to “meet” katsuya. She has already reached the conclusion that she isnt needed. So, the tv show with their words of the deceased wanting you to be happy. triggered her into misinterpreting the words as to mean her death NOT fuel her to live in his memory as intended.

- “Loosing your way first before finding your answer” is okay & so human!:

Ironically..Tohru... was the person Kyoko was punishing NOT herself: By being emotionally dead, kyoko neglected her daughter. Her world shouldnt be just one person. There are others. Katsuya himself gave her a person to love. Tohru. Kyoko chose death & unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher thsn what kyoko faced. She was about to do, but was saved by a nameless child who reminded her of tohru. She chose wrong first but later saw her answer. Kyo chose death by accepting the confinement & he, too, unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher if he wasnt with her. He chose wrong first but later saw his answer. Off course kyo’s story is more developed & complicated as he dealt with bigger issues than just tohru & his answer wasn't just loving tohru alone but also loving himself & choosing to live for them both: himself & tohru.

-Kyo’s guilt is a concussion thought eating him alive:

Part of why kyo’s story was one of the most human & complex is due him loosing his way first, failing, repeating mistakes “ I always though that hurting ppl was the only thing I was good at, after all, isnt that why mom died?” Kyo’s nightmare being a conscious effect of hearing tohru’s talk abt “ videos & memories of loved ones” is 1000 times stronger & more human than a cliche effect of seeing a “ hat” & to revive a a blocked memory... What the hell!! truly disgusting how the emotional weigh is reduced for stupid cliche drama !!!!!! ..

Anyway, kyo actively & consciously wanted punishment .He was sure that kyoko blamed him” I wont forgive you” can only mean what it literally means. The purpose of the nightmare is to cause kyo to seek “ emotional death” like kyoko & to loose his path more. It is meant to prepare kyo to refuse tohru even more. Therefore, the pay off at the climax will be better & stronger.

Reading kyo’s inner thoughts will never not be refreshing!!! Also, the slow burn is cooked on low , hot fire , so the pay off will be the most delicious there is!

Side Notes:

I’ve stated my feelings regarding the age gap between kyoko & katsuya in last chapter’s preview post. I’m done with it & won’t let it interfere with my analysis of kyoko nor tohru.

The idea of just being together as a fun hanging out activity without being bothered much of where reminds ms so much of kyo & tohru!! we see them being happy together in the anime in kazuma’s house, shigure’s rooftop, cooking pancake in the kitchen! I really like this domestic feel of romance! it contradicts the notion of expensive restaurant with the girl wearing a breathtaking dress to woo the guy for it to be utterly romantic as we see in movies, & other stories.

NGL, katsuya looked sexy waiting home.. damn it! >_<

I cried watching tohru between her parents, how they acted & how loved she was! T_T. it reminded me of my niece How her dad’s death affected her! She was the apple of his eyes.. T_T.

Tohru is indeed a rice ball! her dad gave her a masculine name while tohru is so feminine! his reasoning is “finding salty taste in sweet things make the taste better & stronger, kinda giving it a hidden flavour”, the rice ball has a pickle inside it & it’s what makes the taste so savory & delicious!

Grandpa’s “ chance meetings could lead to variety of outcomes, good or bad” YES! kyo/tohru/yuki meeting each other by chance. Fiction make it look weird, but trust me, real life has those by dozens!

“ i wonder how lost you’ll be, how much time you’ll need to get your answer”. He will screw up so bad, kyoko! it will be so good! one of the best screw up’s I’ve seen! so painful for him & tohru & amazingly written!

Kyo’s nightmare being connected to him remembering/dreaming of kyoko’s story is bigger effect than opening the ep with it & having the cause be sth that happened last ep, a week ago... the effect is NOT the same.

Momiji is so cute!!! did his curse break here or not yet? he seemed as tall as tohru.

Writing tohru worried abt kyo after seeing him pale is the tohru I know!! Not that stupid girl who watches the guy she loves have a panic attach in se3, ep6, then goes in ep 7...” dahhhh.. Jeez.. I duno why kyo is sleeping until now.. better laugh & make cute rice cakes” giggle giggle...That scene got me so furious even when I first saw it!! THIS IS NOT TOHRU! tohru cried for a stupid story that haru told abt puppets!! she’ll forget the person she challenges herself for is sick?! ugh!

I love seeing yuki & kyo chill & cool around each other.

Kyoko being fully dependent on katsuya can be a factor in her grief, but I’ve seen cases where both partners are independent but still be completely broken after the others’ death. Grief isn’t logical at all & is extremely personal.

#Fruits Basket #fruits basket manga #ch 92 #ch 93 #sad paper #Anime Only #manga spoilers

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