Being homeschooled as a way to prevent any contact with the outside world was a wild trip. Not a fun trip. No, it was abusive, alienating, extremely lonely, and with absolutely no escape possible. I couldn't find refuge in friends, because I had none. I couldn't get help from a counselor, because there were none. I absolutely could not tell a mandated reporter what I was going through, because there were none. I couldn't get help from child services, because I didn't know they existed. I couldn't get help from anyone. No one came and saved me. No one.
You controlled everything about me. My clothes, my hair, my relationships, where I went and how long I was there. You made one ultimate and stupid assumption, and it will haunt you later. You could control who I was with, the environments around me, etc...
You made a big mistake in thinking you could truly control my thoughts. You made a big mistake in allowing me internet access at 13. You made a big mistake in allowing me to go to community college. I thank you for these.
I dreamed of my life without you. I dreamed of my life: without you.
THE ENTIRE TIME.
You'll be left behind. I won't look back. I won't help you. I won't save you. I won't talk to you. I won't be near you. I won't answer you.
You're lucky I have three siblings who care about you in the way you want them to.
Every fucking time I showed her my art she would say shit like "why can't to draw flowers instead...?"
So I fucking did. I fucking painted her fucking sunflowers for Christmas and tried to make it look good even tho i never painted flowers before.
And now, fucking 4 days after receiving them and being happy about them she gave the painting to her fucking friend because "she really liked it"
Are you fucking serious? Of course she liked it because I tried so fucking hard for it to look good and for you to be fucking happy that your kid gave something nice for Christmas and you fucking give it away?
"Oh you'll just paint me a new one"
For what? For you to give it to another fucking friend?
I'm sure she liked it and I'm happy that she thought it was so pretty that she wanted to show off to her friend but I didn't fucking painted it for her friend. It was for her. Why can't she fucking understand why I'm mad at her for that?
I always felt bad for not getting anything for her since I didn't had money to buy her something, I was so fucking happy that this year I was able to give her something even if I knew she wasnt able to give something to me. Just to few days later see how she gave away this painting because her friend, that she hated not a long ago, said she liked it.
"I'm protecting you"-the person that gave me most of my trauma, threatened to kick me out, is starving me, ignored my physical and mental health then proceed to shame me for the mental illness she ignored, is constantly screaming and I'm confident gave me tinnitus
My mom wached 5 minutes of GO and decided she wouldnt watch (she doesnt like spending time with me enough)
So now i have to go to school, make friends, and call my friends on little Good Omens dates where they will come to my house and we'll eat chocolate cake while watching it and i'll giggle as they ask my whats going to happen
My mom called me and had the nerve to say she missed me and that she loved me IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULD BE THERE FOR ME YOU WOULDN'T LIE TO ME. I HATE MY MOM I HATE MY MOM I HATE MY MOM I HATE MY MOM
How incredibly lucky I am to be in a position where the only thing I really need money for at the moment is drugs to keep me in a state of docileness so I don't suffer a complete nervous breakdown because I'm surrounded by insane miserable people who all hate each other in a house with shit water and no functional toilets