#good joke but

[citrus-system]

404: “Soft switch? Hard switch? What about semis?”

Me: like a boner??

404: “yeah?”

Me: what the fuck are you talking about??

#good joke but #we’re you even aware of that? #you drop the hardest beats then just fuck off I mean #Roos just sounds like a delirious grandpa waking up mid-nap #/meme #/nsfw ish #// #🍄 #👾

[a-gay-poptart]

I have found the best ally

Straight and cis people will say that they are allies, but you will NEVER measure up to my dentist.

Me: "Hey, is it ok if I can change my name on my info from [DEADNAME] to Aspen?"

Random woman that I wasn't even talking to in the chair next to me: "Honey, if that's the name you had at birth, [DEADNAME] is your only name."

My dentist, very slowly turning her rolley chair towards the woman: "Shush."

Random woman: "Excuse me?"

Destist: *closes privacy curtain while staring bullets at the lady*

Me: *pissing myself laughing*

My dentist while changing my name in my info (reminder that English is not her first language, she immigrated from Russia): "There, Sai, you have pretty boy teeth. Smile and make all girls swoon."

Me not having the heart to tell her I'm not transmasc but I'm Agender, and still pissing myself laughing: "Thank you [DENTIST NAME]."

Edit: Ok, I thought I would quit Tumblr, but the fuckin Pinterest posts brought me back, and this blew up apparently??? Thank you all for the attention lol, stuff has changed, and I go by either Damien or Aspen, either name is ok lol, and I'm genderfluid :] (if you don't know my pronouns just use they/them lol use those any day)

#trans pride #queer #nonbinary #lgbtqia #queer pride #queer community #lgbtq #lgbtq community #queer joy #queer jokes #queer journey #fuck transphobes #transgender #anti capitalism #anti zionisim #anti trans violence #trans ally #lbgtqia #gender is a social construct #Why are all Russians such good allies I stfg

[yanderemeganekko]

#so how're the anime-only fans feeling about the new episode #also I definitely did steal this joke but it was too good to not edit #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #I wanna see my little boyyy

[greykolla-art]

If Cursed Cat Alastor talked I imagine it would say so many upsetting things.👌

#grey art #hazbin hotel fanart #hazbin hotel #cursed cat alastor #legend of avantris #for that first panel joke 😂 #I should start watching that it keeps popping up on my instagram #they are so good! #chuckles the clown #lucifer morningstar #hazbin lucifer #charlie morningstar #baby Charlie #oh it’s good to just mindlessly doodle!

[chongoblog]

#hbomberguy #joke so good he did it twice

[rillabel]

mimic that has a diagetic red clickbait circle with arrows to get you to investigate it.

#mimicposting #shamelessly stealing my friend's good good joke

[the-rainbow-suit-dude]

#good omens #good omens jokes #crowley good omens #Neil Gaiman #anthony j crowley #az fell #Aziraphale #aziracrow #aziraphale x crowley #crowley x arizaphale

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Find the difference 🤔

#good omens #good omens memes #jokes #funny #snakes #snek jokes #snek twins #snek hit by paintball #find the difference

[crabussy]

reblog for a larger sample size and to reduce sample bias!!

#IF ITS NOT CLEAR THIS IS A JOKE POLL #I'm poking lighthearted fun at all the clearly biased polls that go around on this website #many of which were made by yours truly #e.g. the queer/not queer polls #like its tumblr. you are not looking at the general population #anyway its all in good fun ^_^ #unreality

[goldensunset]

did you know? if you do your laundry you can get your clothes back

#fascinating stuff. let’s see if i (person with the worst executive dysfunction when it comes to doing laundry) remember it #i literally have this issue where i’ll let dirty clothes pile up in the laundry basket for an entire month #like it takes me that long to get around to it #and then- who would’ve thought- i find that i don’t have anything good to wear. strange! #finally did it last night and i’m like ohhh that was so difficult but the payoff finally #augh #peach rambles #hall of fame i guess #shut up about socks. idc. #this was a fun positivity post of sorts it’s about overcoming executive dysfunction #derailing into jokes about losing socks is. it’s not horrible but just boring and annoying #it was supposed to be celebration!! and encouragement!!!

[lookitsstevie]

nice indeed 😇

(everyone already knows what the reference is but still)

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #mutt #maggie #nina #good omens 2 #good omens fanart #mandatory disclaimer : this is a joke

[randomfandomss]

#good omens #go s2 spoilers #good omens s2 #good omens season 2 #good omens memes #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #aziraphale x crowley #ineffable husbands #lmao ive seen a lot of these going around idk if this has been done yet anyway heres my take #it is literally the reverse that happened #i joked about it before the season released that what if after every crowley gies to super mega hell whatever 😭😭😭😭😭 #did not age well

[madame-helen]

#meme #memes #shitpost #shitposting #humor #funny humor #funny memes #funny #wga strike #thank goodness #movies #hollywood #suspended #satire #wikipedia #irony #joke

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it'' #while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good'' #to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.) #edit to answer why we had so much vanilla: #my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house. #it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out'' #even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter. #my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out) #listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it. #3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

[chloesimaginationthings]

In every FNAF universe William Afton can't count

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #michael afton #william afton #fnaf #fnaf 4 #fnaf movie #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #fnaf foxy #fnaf crying child #afton family #I just wanna believe in every ver of William hates this joke #just an easy way to piss off any William #all Michael did was be silly #(and bulky his brother to death but details) #this was the moment William decided he was gonna send him to the scoopin room #also wow I finally drew game William hope yall like him #I think I gotta tweak his design a bit but it’s a good start

[bewarethecircles]

Neil Gaiman: "in season 2 the fan-favorite angel/demon couple will fall in love, overcome great adversity, and eventually defy heaven and hell to run off together to the stars :)"

Fans: "cool! I can't wait, does Aziraphale confess first or does Crowley?'

Neil, holding Gabriel and Beelzebub figures and making them kiss: "Does who do what now?"

#obviously this is a joke/simplification because neil cares very much about aziraphale and crowley but the mental image was too fun to resist #mr gaiman if you see this i love you thank you for making the show #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable husbands #ineffable bureaucracy #good omens spoilers