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renjunphile · 1 year

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if my wishes came true, it would have been you | mark lee

PAIRING ✧ nct's mark lee x female reader WORD COUNT ✧ 12.0k TAGS ✧ idol!mark x idol!reader, exes!au, exes to lovers!au, really quite angsty, happy ending, fluff, non-linear narrative

PLAYLIST aka SONGS BY YN ✧ the 1 by taylor swift ; 21 by gracie abrams ; i miss you, i'm sorry by gracie abrams ; champagne problems by taylor swift ; in between by gracie ambrams ; somebody by hwasa and loco ; i know it won't work by gracie abrams, dancing with our hands tied (acoustic) by taylor swift

SUMMARY ✧ persist and resist the temptation to ask if one thing had been different, would everything be different today? (alternatively, every single time you and mark get a chance to talk about your breakup, it never goes as planned)

MAY 2021

"NCT are here."

You hum along to the track blasting in your left ear through the singular airpod. It's the first day of your comeback promotions, and while you should feel confident from the many months you'd practiced the song every single day for multiple hours, no amount of time could ever erase the nerves you feel each comeback day.

You're already finished with your hair and makeup, being the first to sit in the chair to give your members some time to wake up from their naps in the van. Though you should all be bright, awake, and preppy for your comeback stage, the reality was that all of you were obliteratingly tired from the near all-nighter in the practice room. Your makeup artists are true magicians for the way they cover up all signs of tiredness even under all those harsh, bright stage lights.

"Unnie, did you hear me?" your youngest member Kali poked your arm incessantly.

"Kali, stop," you whine, pushing her finger away, "I heard you."

"So why didn't you react?"

"Why should I?" you sigh, pausing the track on your phone.

She pauses for a while, choosing to craft her words before replying too hastily, "We should still go and say hi. Haechan is asking if we wanna film a TikTok with them."

"You know they only post with SM idols," you remind her.

"You were in SM too. It's just for fun," she mumbles, "You know how many idols feature on Haechan's private account. Please come."

"You're up to no good, Kali," you squint at her suspiciously, watching the room carefully to see if anyone had overheard. It wasn't really a big deal; all your managers were well-informed, just like your members, and your stylists were basically your friends.

"I already talked to our manager and Haechan talked to their manager," Kali wrapped her fingers around your wrist delicately, but pulling to encourage you to stand up, "Let's go."

The walk to the hallway where the NCT members agreed to meet the two of you wasn't exactly a long one, but the rumblings of nerves bubbling in your stomach made it feel like a million years. You weren't stupid; you knew exactly what to expect and you wouldn't put it past your maknae to meddle in a time like this.

"Oh look, they're here already," Kali was biting a grin behind her words as 3 figures came into view. Haechan gives you a warm smile and a famous bear hug before he was shoved away.

"Noona," you resist a pout as one of the boys you had been taking care of since you were younger wrapped you up in a big hug, "Haven't seen you in so long. Missed you."

"Missed you too Ji. You grow an inch every time I see you," you also resist the urge to ruffle up his perfectly styled purple hair out of fear of getting hunted by his hair stylist, "I like this purple on you."

He gives you an appreciative grin and somehow you still see him as the tiny, shy boy running energetically around the halls of the company building after being chased by his fellow trainees. Jisung moves on to greet your member, who was still in conversation with Haechan.

It's definitely not that you dread having to face Mark Lee. It's totally not the fact that he's your ex-boyfriend. Or the fact that you're still in love with him. Or the fact that he's still in love with you. No, none of that.

Totally.

"You look really pretty, Y/N," he begins slowly, taking in your appearance in front of him, having not seen each other for a few months.

Mark Lee stands in front of you stoic, hands by his side and feet together. It's almost like he's fighting his instinct to wrap you up in his arms like he's done most of his life because you sure know you're having to fight that instinct too.

"Thanks, Mark. I like your blue hair," you smile softly, "How are you?"

"I'm good. Amazing, even. I guess," he's mumbling, running his hands through said hair you just complimented and you can tell he's nervous, "I love the song. And the whole album. I can tell which songs you wrote. You always make me so proud."

Ouch. It stings your heart whenever he says things like that. How could you have let go of someone so sweet?

"Thanks. Congratulations on your first album and coming back with Dream."

"Ah, thanks. I fought so hard to come back to the group and I'm really happy they finally listened to me," he began, "You know how much I love them."

"Yeah, I know."

You're barely meeting his eyes, but when you do, it feels like he's hesitating in his words.

"Mark-"

"Happy birthday by the way," he rushes out, "For yesterday. I'm sorry that I didn't text. Or call."

"It's okay," you reassure him, knowing that that was probably easier for you both that he didn't.

"How did you spend your birthday?"

"The members got me cake. Coffee, my favourite," you recount, "I did a live for a bit, but other than that we were practicing all day for today."

"Oh, I'm sorry. That really sucks," he frowns.

"You know how it goes. I'll have more birthdays to celebrate anyway-"

"But you didn't celebrate last year either!" he protests.

"Maybe next year, then," you pull your lips into a tight smile, "It's okay Mark. Don't worry about it. I'm not really fond of my birthdays anymore and 22's not a big deal."

He sighs while looking at you, "You deserve to celebrate your birthday no matter what. I hope you can find some time to do something for yourself."

You chuckle lightly, "That'll be hard to come by. I don't know how you've done it with multiple groups all these years, Mark. I've only been debuted for three years and it's never got any easier. You were really stretching yourself thin, huh?"

"I guess," he's playing with his fingers, so you know he has something to say.

"Just say it, Mark. Whatever you want to say."

You can read him like a book and you've always been able to. It's not your fault that the book is wide open, as compared to the way you've always been- shut, bound, and locked.

"I just wanted to say I miss you. That's all. I just wanted to see how you were doing."

Thanks to the secluded hallway that Haechan had found and led you to, the coast was clear enough for you to close the distance between you and Mark even just by a bit more. His breath hitches as you place a hand on his arm.

"Thanks for caring, Mark. I miss you too."

He smiles at you softly and the two of you are so engrossed in each other to notice that Kali, Haechan and Jisung had disappeared a while ago. You know it's time for you to go back though.

The worst part of the whole situation wasn't the breakup itself. Of course, the breakup hurt both of you for a long time and you don't even think you're recovered. It did happen over a year ago, but that wasn't the worst part.

The worst part is knowing that every time you meet again, walking away hurts more each time. It's the fact that there's nothing you can do but listen to your heart break with each step you take away from each other. It's the fact that there's nothing you can do about the fact that you still love each other more than anything else in this world.

2014

Mark Lee was known to be SM's golden child. In the future, he'd be known as the most over-worked in the company, due to his talents and resilience, but now, he's just Mark Lee, second to you.

You'd done everything before Mark. You were born first. You moved to Korea first. You beat him joining the company by 6 months and you beat him getting announced as part of SM Rookies just by 7 days.

None of that mattered because it was always just you and him together, wherever. Sure, you trained and practiced separately, but lunchtimes, downtimes, company gatherings- it was always the two of you attached to the hip. There was really nothing the company could say- the two of you were barely 15 so what was the worst you could do?

"How long do you think it'll be before your debut?" the two of you are lying down on the grass in a park a few minutes away from the building. His hands are rifling through the blades, yanking them up every so often, while you made daisy chains quietly.

He hums in response, "I don't know. Soon I hope, but I've only been here for like just over a year. Realistically, I'd say like 2 years. Don't tell anyone I told you, but I heard Johnny hyung talking to the manager about some kind of project that the company has been thinking of for a while. Something about having a group with infinite members!"

Your eyes widened at the thought, "Wow, really? EXO debuted with 12 and I thought that was a lot!"

"Yeah, right? But there are only like 9 of us in SM Rookies right now. How many do you think they'll start with and how am I going to get lines in a song if there's so many of us?"

You nudge him, "Well, with your awesome talent and writing skills of course. I can't wait to see what ends up happening to you guys- oh yeah, by the way, how's that new trainee you guys are training with? Donghyuck, right?"

"New?" he sat up with wide eyes, twisting his body to look at you, "He's been here for like 5 months and it's been the worst 5 months of my life! He's just so infuriating. His voice is amazing, sure, but he never listens and is always talking and hanging off me! I told him that he makes me want to leave the company."

You laugh at his frustrated expression, "Ha, you'd never leave the company. You'd never leave me behind. Plus, I bet you'll be best friends in a few years. Opposites attract and all that."

"Hm, but you and I are quite similar. Don't you think?"

There were definitely some traits that you shared to both be enduring the same path. Resilient, hard-working, brave, and enduring were all ones. After all, it's a big leap of faith to train to have the chance to be an idol just at 12 or 13 with no guaranteed future.

When it came down to it though, you'd like to think that there were also traits you each had that weren't always necessarily opposites all the time, but traits that complemented each other.

Mark liked to talk; you liked to listen. Mark was optimistic and would always be the one to cheer you up on your particularly moody days. You were Mark's calm through it all. Mark loved to rap; you found your passion in singing. Mark liked carrots and would take them off your plate in the cafeteria and swap them with his peas. Mark's hands were calloused from his guitar-playing, while yours were smooth and soft when he held them.

"No, I think we're the perfect example of opposites attract."

"Well then that's why you're my best friend," he grinned over at you while you slid a daisy chain bracelet onto his wrists, "Forever and whenever."

"Always," you grinned.

AUGUST 2021

"What are you doing here?"

"No happy birthday Mark?" he teases, holding a bouquet of flowers and a grocery store plastic bag in his hands on your doorstep.

"Come in before anyone sees you," you pull him inside your dorm, sticking your head out the hallway to see if it was empty, "How did you get here?"

"Relax, Y/N. My manager drove me and I was in all this," he pulls out a mask and a beanie from his pocket to show you.

"Oh, good. Happy birthday, I guess, but what are you doing here?" you question him again, looking at the contents in his grasp.

"Well, it all started when Hyuck said that we were throwing a birthday party for me. Then Jisung invited Kali and obviously, you too. And your members, of course. Then you said you couldn't come because you're busy," his eyes dart to the episode of Modern Family on your TV and the blanket lazily thrown on the couch, combined with your pajamas, "So I didn't want to come to the party anymore."

"But all my members are at your dorm," you frown, "There's still a party?"

"Yeah, I guess. Gives Jisung an opportunity to spend more time with his crush, which I'm sure Kali appreciates."

"So they're hosting your birthday party," you hum, "Without you? And you came here to what? Check that I'm busy?"

"I know you're not busy. Erin told me so, which I suspected anyway. I know it's kind of rude for me to come to force you to spend time with me when you didn't even want to come to my birthday party in the first place, but I thought I would try." he shrugs, "Is that okay?"

Mark is adorned in a white T-shirt and grey joggers. He's clearly not dressed for a party and your member clearly told him that you're staying inside and moping to your comfort show while you try to avoid your ex-boyfriend on his birthday. Plan failed, you guess.

Here's the thing: you've always been the worst at saying no to Mark. The one time you did, the world crashed around you. You would've thought it would have got easier to say no to him after already experiencing the worst-case scenario, but looking into his slightly pleading chocolate eyes shows you otherwise.

"Of course, Mark. You're the birthday boy," you finally say after a period of silence where Mark felt like his heart was thumping out of his chest.

"There's no one else I'd rather spend my birthday with," he hums lightly, even though his words are loaded, "Here, a big bouquet for missing last year too."

The tradition started on his 15th birthday in 2014. Even though it was his birthday, he had got you a bouquet of flowers to thank you for being his best friend of one year and making him feel all the more comfortable in his first year in Korea. You were his dance partner, his classmate, his fellow English speaker, and his best friend. He got you flowers again the next year, then the year after, and again and again for being his partner through everything.

The last birthday you shared with Mark before the two of you broke up was his 20th birthday in 2019 and he had prepared his own bouquet that year, choosing all your favourite flowers and colours and wrapping it all up himself. Mark was selfless like that- thinking of other people even on his birthday.

"It's beautiful," you examine the flowers- pink and red camellias and carnations, white primroses, pink peonies, red roses and baby's breaths. Taking that flower language course with Mark back when you were both 17 comes as a regret now, with the messages he's sending you through the bouquet. You hope it's just a coincidence.

"Anyway, I brought us- or I made my manager buy us- some Oreo ice cream, peanut butter chocolate, some ramen, and chicken and mushroom pastries," he grins as he pulls each one out of the bag, "And I brought cake, obviously."

You hold yourself back from saying what you would say every time he presented your favourite pastry from your childhood home to you- 'you know the way to my heart'.

"I haven't had one in so long," you gasp, taking it from him and preparing your plate already, "Thanks Mark. Why are you so considerate on your own birthday?"

"I like to celebrate the people I love on my birthday too. I wouldn't be me without them," he plops himself on the bar stool at your breakfast bar while you sigh hopelessly. He'll never leave your heart alone, "I wanted to soften the blow too."

You turn to him slowly, "Soften the blow?"

He sees the panic in your eyes and lets out that melodious laugh you've always loved, "Oh, nothing like that. Nothing to tell you. I just wanted to bribe you to talk to me on my birthday. I thought after over a year you might be ready to talk?"

"About what?"

"Us."

You thank the manufacturers of the heavenly pastry slice that only takes 90 seconds in the microwave. You set the plate down in front of Mark and take the seat next to him.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Are you still my best friend?"

"Mark, come on," you began warily, knowing the difficult conversation you were about to have.

He meets your eyes and you feel the pain reflected in them, "When we decided to give our relationship a try when we were 16, we pinky swore that no matter what happens, we'll always be best friends. Always. Right?"

You find the power to break his gaze and stare down to your hands on your lap, "We did."

"So, why can't we go back to being friends? I know, I know when you broke up with me, you said that you don't think we could stay friends. I understood, of course, and I wanted to give you some space. Well, at least initially, but it's been over a year now and I really miss us. Your friendship meant everything to me even if I can't have you as my girlfriend." his tone is heartbreaking in the way that it's vulnerable and pleading.

"I told you when we broke up that breaking up was the hardest choice I'd ever have to make. It blew the choice to leave SM out of the water. I didn't want to break up, but it felt like I had no choice," you explained slowly, "When we first started dating, I knew I already loved you, but growing up together and debuting and going through everything I went through really taught me what real love in real life looked like and I could never have predicted at 16 how I felt for you at 20. Mark, you're everything to me, I hope you know. I said I didn't want to be friends when we broke up because how could I have lived with myself seeing you and talking to you still knowing I had you in the way that I did and knowing I loved you that intensely but not being able to show it anymore? How could I live with myself still having you around knowing I let go of the greatest thing that's ever happened to me?"

Mark Lee was brave at 16 when he kissed you for the first time and asked you to be his girlfriend against all the bans and rules. Mark Lee was brave at 18 watching you walk away from everything you both knew at SM Entertainment and for not running after you to stop you because you both knew it was for the best. Mark Lee was brave at 20 hearing you sob through the phone while you were halfway around the world because you just couldn't do this anymore. Mark Lee is brave at 22, taking your warm hands in his, and Mark Lee is brave when he lifts your chin up to meet his gaze and asks you this:

"Why can't we just get back together? This year apart is hurting us more than it's benefitting us."

People say that the eyes are the windows to the soul- that the eyes say everything someone can't say. Your eyes are filled with tears, yes, but also love and fear and all the emotions in between.

The problem was that your brain always rules your life, keeping your heart's true desires always suppressed deep within.

"Mark," you trail, before he cuts you off.

"I don't see the problem, Y/N. Both our companies knew we were dating and you're not a rookie in the industry anymore. I mean, we dated through your whole rookie era! I acknowledge everything you said and felt when we broke up and I wanted to give you time to work through those emotions, but I'm asking if anything has changed. Has it?"

"I've never stopped loving you, but I'm still scared Mark. I'm even more scared now as your career grows," you say quietly, "I don't want to hurt you. If anything gets out, it won't just hurt you or me, because I could take it if it only hurt me, but it's our members, Mark. You know how fans feel about idols who date and it's never ever as simple as 'if they're a true fan they'll be happy for me'. That's not how the industry works."

He squeezes your hands, "Then we'll get better at sneaking around! You know the boys love you so much and they know how much our relationship meant to me and they'd never ever get in the way of that. Or we can just text and call and I don't even have to see you in person when it's risky. I just want the chance to tell you that I still love you every single day as I promised."

There it is again, the sound of your heart breaking at the most loving boy on the planet.

"Will you let me think about it? At least about being your best friend still? I'm sorry that I can't give you an answer right now on your birthday," you murmur. The confessions from Mark came as no surprise, but he never fails to leave you speechless with no clear thoughts in your brain and your heart always full.

"I'm just asking for a chance. Just for anything you can give me," he smiles finally, "How about we eat all this and continue your Modern Family? It's still my favourite show, so I couldn't dream of a better way to spend my birthday."

"I'd like that."

2015

"I'm debuting," Mark barges into the near-empty practice room, huffing and panting like he just ran a marathon, "Y/N, oh my God!"

You're sat cross-legged on the floor with your phone propped up in front of you. Your eyebrows are stitched together tightly, indicating that you were probably either criticising yourself on a recording or trying to learn a choreography. The moment you realise that it's Mark, your whole body unclenches and you relax as you pause the video. You don't comprehend the weight of his words until he says them again.

"Y/N, Y/N, I'm going to debut!" he's practically screaming in joy as he belly slides towards you and crashes into you, wrapping his arms around you.

"Oh my God, Mark! Really? Tell me everything right now!" you squeeze him back, pride bursting in your chest.

When you both joined SM, you came with the obvious dream of being an idol entertainer. Sure, the company can make all these empty promises to you at the start, but with the way the industry works, nothing is really ever truly for certain. For you, the company had not given you any time scale or idea of what direction they wanted you to go in. You weren't even really that hopeful, considering the company just debuted Red Velvet one year ago, but you were still enduring.

However, it was almost time to debut a new boy group since it had been 3 years and counting since EXO broke into the scene. You were always certain that Mark was always a part of that plan.

"So, do you remember last year when I told you about the infinite boy group idea? It was true! The company gathered all the male trainees and showed them their idea- it's called NCT and it's so cool, trust me! So it's like they're going to debut groups within NCT like different members in each group!"

"Mark, that sounds amazing. Which group are you going to be in?"

"Uh, they said all of them?" Mark frowns in confusion, "Like the first is going to be this unit where members can switch out anytime and it only has a comeback whenever it wants to, and then the second one is like a normal permanent group which I think I'll be with Hyuck and the hyungs, and the third one is a group where we graduate once we hit 20! But I don't think that one's fully confirmed with members yet."

He's running out of breath explaining it to you and his eyes are going crazy so you just laugh and hug tighter, "That's a lot of information, but it still sounds amazing. See Mark, I told you that you're going to be the most important person in this building! You're literally the best."

Mark nudges you so that you break away, "Psh, shut up Y/N. It's still a few months out anyway. We're going to be writing and practicing the debut song for the first unit really soon though."

"And I'm so proud of you," you tell him sincerely, knowing that there are not many people who you can say have worked harder than Mark to achieve their dreams, "Do you feel scared at all?"

He swivels his body so that he's sitting in front of you and he starts playing with your fingers like he always does, "Naturally, I guess. Debuting is a whole new world and being an idol too, but this is what I've been working towards so why shouldn't I be more excited? I've been waiting for this day, but I guess it's human nature to have fear of the unknown."

"It's definitely not wrong to not be scared. I'd be over the moon if they finally tell me I'm going to debut," you sigh dreamily.

"And you will! They can't keep you hidden here any longer and you know that the company loves you so much! You've given everything for them so you deserve it all back," Mark is now rubbing circles with his thumb on the back of your hand, "I can't wait until we achieve our dream together. No matter how long it takes, we'll both be standing on that stage together as idols. It's so close now, Y/N."

You smile softly at the boy, ever the optimist, "I can't wait for it too, Mark. Don't let the fame get to your head so quickly and don't forget me when you're famous okay?"

"You're so silly," Mark laughs, "You'll always be my best friend- wait scratch that-"

"I won't always be your best friend?"

"No! You will! But this is literally the best day ever and I have all this adrenaline and energy right now and if I don't say it now, I don't think I ever will, but all I'm saying is that I've been by your side for nearly 3 years now and you're literally my other half and it's so goddamn obvious that I like you so much and I really want to be your boyfriend. Okay, exhale Mark."

Your eyes widen at his confession and you slide away from him in shock, "Wait, really? You like me? You want to be my boyfriend?"

He looks at you like you just grew two heads, "Y/N, that's literally exactly what I said. Do you like me back?"

Shyness begins to creep out of you while your whole face flushes red. You've never been the type to be shy around Mark, even in the times his words and actions make you feel giddy.

"Mhm, you're my first real crush that developed when we met. I thought I'd grow out of it, but it kept getting stronger the closer we got," you admit.

The first day that Mark Lee walked into the practice rooms and got introduced to the trainees, you thought he was the cutest boy in the world. He was dorky and shy at first, but when he performed in front of you, he turned into a completely different person that made you fall for him even more.

The two of you were the same age and he was your deskmate in Korean lessons. Though Mark had grown up speaking Korean, he had never lived in Korea speaking it almost 100% of the time, so the company thought it would be good for him to join your lessons, especially to get training for the language he would be using as an idol.

The two of you became very fast friends and by the end of the month, you were chasing each other in the cafeteria and sharing food in corners with your own inside jokes.

His face breaks out into a grin, tackling you into a hug, "Aw, my little Y/N likes me back!"

You roll your eyes playfully and shove him off your body, "First of all, I'm 3 months older than you, and second of all, you have been spending way too much time with Donghyuck."

"Yeah that little devil rubs off on people," he sighs, "Whatever. Does that mean we're boyfriend and girlfriend now?"

"Wait, wait, wait. We have to consider the implications! Especially if you're debuting soon! Are we going to tell the company? How is this going to work?" you bombard him with questions, playing your part as the realist in this friendship, "Is this a good idea."

"I mean, half the hyungs have secret girlfriends so we can ask them for help and at least it helps that you're in the company with me so if they do find out it's easier to protect the both of us," Mark replies, "I've actually spent a lot of time thinking about this, believe it or not. You keep me up awake at night sometimes."

"You're so cheesy," you mumble, turning away to hide your blushing face, "But I guess I do want to be your girlfriend- but what if we break up? I don't want to lose you as my best friend!"

"How about this then," he extends his pinky out to you, "Let's pinky swear that even if we break up and this relationship goes horribly wrong, we'll be best friends still. Forever and whenever."

His words are dripping with sincerity and it surrounds you like a blanket. There's no one in this world that you trust more than Mark Lee when you entwine your own pink around his and smile at him, "Always."

Your pinkies are still attached a minute later when he's looking at you with a goofy smile.

You glare at him, "What's going on in that big head of yours?"

"If we're dating, then does that mean I can kiss you?"

The thought of kissing Mark had admittedly crossed your mind more than you could bare to say out loud. You wanted to play it off cool- shove him and roll your eyes or something, but truthfully, you really did want to kiss your dorky best friend Mark Lee.

"I mean, I guess," you shrug, "If you want to."

"Ha ha, I do," he starts leaning in closer and your heart is beating faster.

This was it. You were going to kiss your best friend-turned-boyfriend in the middle of a practice room. He was going to be your first kiss too!

Mark's face is so close that you can feel his breath on your lips. You can tell he's never done this before with how slowly and nervously he's advancing, but you can see the hope in his eyes.

Your eyes flutter shut. Your lips are almost touching, just ghosting over each others.

"Wait!" you groan as he opens his mouth, "If I'm your first real crush, then who's your first crush overall?"

You smirk, "Jongin-oppa. Duh."

2022

This was the biggest concert of your career. Playing the Olympic Stadium had always just been a distant daydream - something to dream about just to amuse you or occupy time. You'd never thought that you would actually live to see the day when that dream came to fruition.

It wasn't even a realistic dream. No girl groups had ever played their own concert at Jamsil Olympic Stadium, but your group was going to be the first.

Cameras were pointed all around you backstage as you prepared to go on for your opening.

"Leader, give us a pep talk," your bandmate Yana whines while nudging you. You gather in a circle, pretending you're not deafened by the noise of your fans screaming just past the partition, where they're waiting in anticipation.

The 5 of you lean closer, putting your heads together and your hands in the middle. Before that, you make sure to look at their faces carefully and examine each member's expressions.

Jian is a year older than you, but she's nervous as hell and can barely get any words out. You're not worried because she's proven time after time that she's born to be on stage and that she completely transforms in front of an audience showering her in love. Yana seems nervous too, but she's better at hiding it and it comes out through rambles of sometimes unintelligible speech. Erin is gripping her microphone tightly with a poker face, probably recalling all of her raps in her head quickly, even though you know it comes second nature to her. Your youngest, Kali, seems the most excited. That kid is the most fearless idol you've ever met and you're grateful for someone like her on the team.

As for you? Well, you're a mix of all of your members. It's coming up to a decade now since you started training and you still have to take everything that this career throws at you one by one. The feeling backstage is not exactly overwhelming- it's more pride and joy and excitement to be out there and perform the best concert you have to give.

"No one can ever take this away from us. We're the first freaking girl group to host a show here! We've worked so hard for this and we absolutely deserve it. Everyone out there is here for us, so we should give it our all and play the best show ever. Don't let your nerves get to you. Just relax and be the amazing and talented performers I know we all are," you breathe out, "I'm really thankful for you guys and I'm so happy to have you by my side with me for this. We're exactly where we should be. I really love you guys so much. Let's kill it, yeah? 3, 2, 1, Fighting!"

Your members release a chuckle and you all wrap your arms around each other in a group hug. Soon, your cues begin in your in-ear monitors and you break up to take your positions on the platform that will lift you up to the stage.

The concert starts off without a hitch. Everything is perfect and the energy you get as each song progresses is nothing like you've ever felt. The sea of fans is expansive and blinding and you still have to check you're not dreaming every few moments. You eventually settle into the stage and the concert slows down a bit with your solo performances.

Your company had encouraged you all to perform something of your own choosing and while you had a vast repertoire of songs tucked away on your GarageBand, they were mostly unfinished, too personal or waiting to be adapted to your group to go onto your future albums. The song had to be something that would only ever be just for you, but something you could bare to release into the world for everyone else to hear.

Okay, so maybe you let your emotions rule you and get the best of you. Maybe the song you chose was the wrong one to invite your fans to insert themselves into. Maybe it was too personal to sing a song about Mark Lee in front of the biggest crowd you'd ever played in your life, but when else could you?

The baby grand piano is gleaming in the centre of the stage and your blue dress is sparkling from the way the lights hit the crystals adorning the whole slip. You're admittedly more nervous about this, but you think it's more to do with the fact that you know Mark Lee is in the stadium, somewhere.

Your company had warned you that if you wanted to sing this song, you had to do a little speech before that would throw them off your scent, "Hi guys," you pause for their screams, "I know you guys enjoyed Kali's energetic dance and Jian's amazing original song! For my segment, I thought we could have a little chill time and not to dampen your spirits, but I wanted to show you guys this heartbreak track that I wrote after watching too many sad rom-coms. I really hope that none of you guys can relate and if anyone ever breaks your heart, just send them my way, okay? I hope you guys enjoy it. This is '21'."

You let out a deep breath and remind yourself that this was the right choice. Your fingers glide over the keys perfectly like it's muscle memory from the year you've been working on the song. You send a prayer to higher beings that Mark won't kill you as you begin the first lines.

"I missed your 21st birthday. I've been up at home; almost tried to call you, don't know if I should. Hate to picture you half-drunk, happy. Hate to think you went out without me. I'm sorry if you blame me, if I were you I would. Thought you'd see it coming, but you never could. I still haven't heard from your family, but you said your mom always loved me."

Mark celebrated your 21st birthday with you. Public dates were not a thing in your relationship, but this man made every effort to make the best out of your situation. He kicked out your members from your dorm after enlisting their help to decorate the place top to bottom in rose gold banners and balloons. After taking cooking lessons for weeks previously, he had then covered your dining table with expensive cloth and filled up two glasses with wine to go with the steak that he had perfectly cooked all for you. He then took you to the couch and serenaded you with a love song about how much you mean to him and how thankful he was for you. On top of all that, you had boxes and boxes of presents to unwrap that were all thoughtful, beautiful, or meaningful. Mark Lee was the perfect boyfriend.

For Mark's 21st birthday, you were sat cross-legged on your sofa with your phone placed on the table in front of you, face up. It was as if you were waiting for him to be the one to call when you were the one who broke his heart just a few weeks earlier and asked to not be friends.

You were drinking the wine that he poured for you on your birthday and you were half-drunk, punching in his number on your keypad, because even though you deleted his number, you already knew it off by heart. There was just something in you that refused to carry it through. You were a coward and Mark Lee celebrated his birthday without you for the first time in 7 years.

"I see the look in your eye and I'm biting my tongue. You were the love of my life since I was young. When the night is over, don't call me up I'm already under. I get a little bit alone sometimes and I miss you again. I'll be the love of your life inside your head. When the night is over, don't call me up I'm already under."

Later on that night, you're lying wide awake and staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars that you and Mark had decided to plaster all around your ceiling when you were bored one day. The crowd seemed to love the song thankfully and it was easy to get their energy back up. People placed meaning into everything idols did, so you weren't surprised at the people who were making guesses about your love life and the subject of the song. Whatever, they'd never get it right, anyway.

Your phone ringing cuts through the silence and you curse, hoping it won't wake up the other girls in the dorm. They're probably dead asleep from the high-energy concert anyway.

"You're still up?" his voice is grainy through the speaker.

"You're the one that called. Did you not want me to answer?" you quip back, "It's the adrenaline, I think."

"Touché. I was going to leave a voicemail, but this is better, I guess," Mark uttered, "The concert was amazing, by the way. I'm sorry we didn't come and say hello backstage, but we really enjoyed it."

"Thanks, Mark and thank the boys for me too, okay?" you instruct.

"Mhmm, of course," he replies, "That song you wrote was good, you know. But you might've as well called it 'Mark'."

You're laughing softly at his comment, "I should've changed the number, I know. But shut up- if you know it's for you, then why don't you follow my words? I said don't call me tonight."

"I've never been good at following rules when it comes to you," Mark sighs, "Plus, there's not a lot of times I can just call you up like this. At least I had something to say to you."

"You can always call if you want."

"Would you always answer?"

You pause to think, but Mark takes that as confirmation.

"Have you thought about what I said? 6 months ago when I asked if you wanted to be friends again? Or even get back together?"

"That question keeps me awake every night," you joke, "But today, when I was just looking out at the fans and greeting the idols that came backstage after the concert, it really made me think about how much I wanted to be doing all of this with you. I've always regretted what happened between us because it wasn't a choice I wanted to make. There are no words to describe the way that love manifests in front of you from the fans. I always find myself wishing you were still here by my side."

"Hm, cryptic. Is that an answer to my question or do I have to wait another 6 months to call you up and ask again?"

"How long are you going to keep asking?" you uttered, the feeling of disappointment taking over your body as you still couldn't find the courage to finally give in and allow yourself to be happy.

"Until you say yes again."

JULY 2020

The world was still shut as you knew it, yet you were halfway around the world from the place you grew to call home. Your company was generous to give you two months off to spend with your loved ones, and you chose to spend some time cooped up in your parents' house and your childhood home because even though there were so many quarantining requirements to get between the two countries, you hadn't seen your parents in almost 3 years.

Of course, you missed your members, but you lived with them and would continue to see them nearly every day for as long as you could keep your career going. Of course, you missed Mark, but it's not like you could go and see him anyway with the tough restrictions imposed on the Korean citizens.

There was also one big- scratch that- giant problem looming over your and your company's heads. The bane of your existence and public enemy number 1 Dispatch had dangled over your heads the threat of releasing the photos they had grabbed of you and Mark abroad in Vancouver at the start of the year. It wouldn't have been damning evidence considering it was the only photo set they had acquired of the two of you, but you were holding hands with your eyes clearly in view.

Your companies had threatened to sue, of course, but Dispatch has never been scared. Then, your companies tried to play the guilt-trip card and interrogate them on why they would care to do such a thing when the world was suffering enough as it is. Alas, nothing got through to Dispatch. Eventually, your companies surrendered to pay a preposterous amount to get rid of the problem and it probably didn't even make a dent in SM's savings, but it surely hurt your growing but small company even if SM took the majority of the bill.

It was completely eating you up and tearing your insides to know that because of your slip-up with Mark, the trainees in your company had to get their debut pushed back by a good probable few years.

Mark had been the perfect boyfriend, supporting you through your change to your new company and your short training period before your debut. Mark had been there to metaphorically hold your hand as you got to know the other girls and make lifelong sister bonds out of it. Mark had been there to cheer you on in the early mornings when you were doing your first few stages. Mark had been there when your first comeback did even better than your debut and propelled you to the top of the industry.

So why, oh why, were you thinking about whether being together is good for everyone involved? There you found yourself in a dark room, the phone next to your head as soft cries and hiccups escaped your lips.

"Baby, please tell me what's wrong. I hate when you cry and it's really hurting me that I'm not there with you right now. Do you want me to come there? Cause I will! I'll say I'm sick or something." he's rambling through the phone and you can hear that it's raining heavily in Seoul.

"Mark, you know that I love you right?"

"Of course I do," he coos gently, "And you're my once-in-a-lifetime great love. I love you too, baby. What's wrong?"

You don't even believe the words that come out of your mouth when you whisper them, "I can't do this anymore Mark. I think we need to break up."

"What? Y/N, this is not funny," his voice instantly turns serious.

"I'm sorry Mark, but I'm serious," you're sobbing at this point and you're surprised he can even still understand you, "I really don't want to do this but-"

"So why are you doing this? Look, let's just talk when you get back, okay? You're coming home soon, right? Or I can take a flight there, but baby, don't make these rash decisions- we're just missing each other."

"The guilt is eating me up, Mark," you confess in hushed tones, "I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. And every time I'm with you, I feel only this sense of anxiety about being caught together that I can't shake. I love you so much, Mark, but I don't know why I feel like this."

"Y/N, we've dealt with so much over the years and we've fought through everything together! We can work through this together, I promise. Just give me some time to think about what to do and everything will be okay-" he's crying now too and it breaks your heart to hear it because he barely ever cries, "I'll get the company to pay yours back what you paid to those assholes. Come on, baby."

"Mark," you whimper, "I ruined the company. I don't want to hurt my members either. Even if we admit to dating, imagine the hate that my group will face! I don't want to let them down any more than I already have."

"I'll tell the fans to not hate- Y/N just tell me what I can do to stop whatever this break-up idea in your head is. We're meant to be, Y/N. We're each other's perfect match."

"I don't love you any less, Mark. Please remember that. I need to do this for my members and for my company that took a leap of faith in me. I don't want to walk away from you, but I don't see any other choice. I don't want to hurt you or your members either. I can't be seen with you."

His voice is small and strained, "You're breaking my heart, Y/N."

"And I'm never going to forgive myself for it."

EARLY 2018

This was definitely the hardest decision of your life and it wasn't one that you took lightly either. It was something you had been thinking about for over a year and more intensely when the company started to press you on extending your exclusive training contract.

Herin Seo had entered SM just before you did and she lived and trained with you. She was your best friend outside of Mark and it broke your heart when she left the company only after 4 years in 2017. There were only a few months left on her contract, but she was desperate to get an out and an idol survival show finally gave her the motivation to break free.

Right now, she's taking the seat in front of you after setting down your favourite drinks from your favourite cafe that she still remembers, "Iced vanilla matcha latte for me and an iced oat latte for my best friend."

"You're the best Herin! My treat next time," you promise as you take the first sip. It's been a while since you've come to the café since it hurts to go when it used to be your spot with Herin.

"Well better be soon because I'm leaving in 5 days," she pouts, "I'm sorry I could only come to visit for a short time."

"It's okay. I'm glad to see you anyway after all these months," you grin, "How's settling back in Manchester?"

"I mean it's always been home but it took me a few months to really get to grips with the fact that I wasn't leaving after a week like I did when I would visit during my training. It's really weird to know England is now my permanent home and that I'm going to start school again there," she looks outside the large window that overlooks the river, "I really really miss Seoul."

You take her hand and muster your best comforting smile, "I'm really sorry that things didn't turn out how we wanted them to."

"Ha, it's not your fault Y/N. I mean, you're in the same boat; what are you planning to do with this contract thing?"

You sigh at the age-old question that's been plaguing your mind for months. In fact, your meeting with the company to decide your future was tomorrow and you still had no concrete idea of what you wanted, "I really don't know Herin. SM has been everything I've known for 5 years and everyone I love is at the company. I don't even know how to switch agencies or what happens at other agencies. At the same time, I know they're planning for a group soon, but I have this feeling that I can't shake when I think about it. I look at Jimin and Minjeong and my sweet baby Yizhou and I don't think I'm what the company wants."

"But they've invested so much time and money into you!" Herin furrows her eyebrows, "Surely they're building a group around you, Yizhuo, Koeun, Lami, and Hina! We were a pre-debut team! They can't just disregard all of you guys, right?"

"I wouldn't put it past them," you're fiddling nervously with your hands, "They've been good to me, but they're a business at the end of the day. I'm so torn up and I was thinking you could help me. How did you know that you wanted to leave the company?"

She thinks for a while before answering your question, "Well the survival show was just the reason why I left before my contract was up, but I already knew that I wasn't going to stay on and re-sign. For me, it just felt like I had more to give, but the environment I was in wasn't letting me grow anymore. I felt like there was nothing more I could give to SM. Even though Idol School didn't work out for me, I was still glad that I went."

You nod along to her story, "I haven't told anyone about this Herin. Mark's been bugging me about my terms for re-signing my contract, so I don't think it's even fathomable for him for me to leave."

"It's about you, Y/N. This is your story, your career, and your decision. There are going to be a lot of people that are going to be hurt or angry, but they will never understand what you're going through. Especially not the people who already debuted," Herin advises, "Look, talk about it with Mark tonight, and don't leave it until after your meeting because that might hurt more, but if he really loved you and wanted what's best for you, he would trust in your decision."

"You're right Herin. Thanks for being there for me."

So, you called Mark later on that night to come over. You had cooked up a few dishes for you to share and asked your dorm mates if they could give you a few hours for some alone time. Telling Mark was definitely going to be hard, but you couldn't imagine the conversation with the girls, who were going to be the most hurt. You remember when Herin left- you weren't angry, but you were overwhelmingly sad about the thought of the girl you started your journey with not being there anymore. That was when you started to question if you should still be there too, but you were scared to instill this thought in your other younger trainees that maybe thought they still had a chance.

"Hi baby," Mark is beaming when you open the door to him. He quickly shuts the door behind him with his foot and wraps you up in a tight hug, making sure to plant a kiss on your lips and then all over your face, "I missed your gorgeous face so much- oh my God the apartment smells so good! What did you cook?"

"Just some beef and rice," you lead him over to the dining table with the food set out already.

"Oh my gosh, you're so amazing," Mark smooches your cheek affectionately and takes his seat on the table. You had lived at the dorm for your whole time at SM and along the way, Mark had chosen his own seat at your dining table for when you had dinners inside, which was almost every date you shared.

You start with small talk, letting him eat and enjoy his meal before you inevitably break a little bit of his precious heart. You hadn't seen Mark for a few days since he was busy with some schedules, so he tells you all about the boys and what they've been up to recently. They're working on the biggest project NCT has ever done so far- a full 18-member release- and it's going spectacularly well. The album itself was a few weeks out, but each unit had been dropping some songs along the way.

"Babe, the company is throwing a release party when the album drops in a few weeks! Isn't that so exciting? They actually asked us what food we want at the party so we're all going crazy. I think Hyuck asked for a fondue fountain, so I'm dying to see if they'll actually give that," he's chuckling, halfway through his plate, "Do you have any special requests?"

Okay, deep breath. Now's the time. It's all or nothing.

"Actually Mark, I invited you over to talk about something," you begin and the smile on his face drops at your warning tone, "Please don't be upset with me."

"Ah, what's wrong?" he's pouting and you have to look away to get the strength to say what you need to. If you looked in his eyes any longer, you would find some reason to convince you to stay just for him.

"My contract meeting is tomorrow," you gulp, "I'm going to leave the company, Mark."

The sound of his chair scraping against the floor makes you cringe, "What? Y/N, what? What do you mean you're leaving the company? Where are you going to go? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just made up my mind today, Mark. I'm sorry I didn't confide in you, but this was a decision I had to make for myself," tears are welling up along your lash line, "I spoke to Herin today and I realised that the only thing making me stay any longer was you."

"But you're so close to debut!" he's arguing pleadingly, crouching beside you and holding your hand, "Babe, I can't imagine this company without you."

"I'm not Mark. You know that I'm not any closer to debut than I was when I joined 5 years ago. You're indispensable to this company, but I'm really not," you expressed, "I don't want to leave and I love you, your boys, and my girls, but I think this is what's best for me."

"But where are you going to go?" Mark sniffles, "I love you so much Y/N, but what's going to happen to us?"

You shake your head at his insinuations, "No, Mark. Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to us and I'll make sure that whatever company I join will know about us and protect us. I hope you'll find it in you to forgive me for this."

He stands up and wraps his arms around you from above, "I'm sorry for reacting this way Y/N, but there's nothing for you to be sorry for. I trust you, okay? I love you and I want you to do what's best for you. I know I can't make decisions for you, but I'll try my best to support you however I can."

You look up at him with adoration dripping from your eyes, "I love you, Mark. We're going to be okay, yeah?"

He brings his head down and connects your lips in the most love-filled way that your heart explodes in that familiar overwhelming feeling that Mark always seems to do to you, "We're going to be okay, baby."

LATE 2022

The world was playing a sick joke on you- it really was. There was no way your whole career wasn't just some April Fools' prank or that you weren't just the main target of some joke show.

You always prided yourself on being close with the company's staff and higher-ups. As a leader of your group, you felt that it was integral to your success that you were able to communicate your wishes and worries to the company and this gave you more creative freedom too. Apparently, the company too was getting more comfortable with you.

"What did you just say?" your eyes were incredulous, peering towards your sheepish CEO, "That's actually the worst idea I've ever heard in my life."

"Look, Y/N, you wanted a feature on your song," your CEO chuckles at your response, "I think this is an amazing idea."

"You're literally giving Dispatch a green light to release those photos. Do you want me to email you a picture of me and Mark making out so you can just tweet it from the official account?" you counter, "Why in the hell would having my ex-boyfriend feature on my solo debut title track be anything short of a terrible idea?"

"Mark is incredibly famous and incredibly talented," she begins, counting with her fingers, "You have high standards. We have a good relationship with SM Entertainment. Your fans love shipping the two of you together since you're in the same age group."

"He's also my ex-boyfriend. Is that not extremely problematic? Everyone will hyper analyse every interaction we have or have had and then they're actually going to figure out that we dated." you ponder, "The worst part of this all is that I know he would say yes if his company lets him."

"Exactly- he's your ex-boyfriend, not your current one. By all logic, he's now just another fellow idol or colleague that you can collaborate with. Anyway, SM will definitely say yes; look how many of their idols are in relationships or at least feature on tracks."

"This is all Crush and Joy's fault," you groan, looking at the pleased expression on your CEO's face knowing that she had won the argument.

When your company proposed the idea of having a solo debut to you half a year ago, you had vehemently declined the opportunity, citing it wouldn't be beneficial to your group as a whole and that you wanted to be known for your group and not your individuality. Your members, on the other hand, had different ideas and talked you into at least hearing out the company. You had really only agreed to the debut when they told you that they would give you full musical freedom and the help that you personally requested. It only seemed like a good idea when you realised that someone in the group needs to be the one to start doing solo activities so the rest of the group can follow suit. You've always known that Jian has been curious about acting.

So you find yourself swiveling in your chair in the studio, waiting for Mark to find his way to the room. It's your first time working together for your solo debut and the last time you had spoken to him was a text he sent you asking if you actually wanted him to feature on the track before he gave a response to his company. You begrudgingly replied a yes because even though you still didn't think it was a good idea, you couldn't imagine yourself working with anyone other than Mark. The industry was crazy sometimes.

The knocking on the door snapped you out of your thoughts and you jumped up to open it to Mark Lee holding two cups on the other side.

"Hey pretty. I got us some coffee," he pushes a cup into your hand and you move aside to let him in, "How are you?"

"Don't call me pretty," you mumble as you turn away to hide the blush starting to appear on your cheeks, "But I'm okay. It's getting busier with the holidays coming up, so you know how that is, but the company thought this time was a great time to work on my debut."

"I feel you," Mark grimaces, taking a seat on the other spinning chair, "Don't tell anyone but Dream is actually having another comeback. It's going to be out just before Christmas."

"Another one?" your eyes widen in shock, "But you just released 2 Baddies and I know you definitely have a repackage soon!"

"Yeah, it's hard to be part of both units," he sighs, "Cause our new album will be over 6 months out from Beatbox, but only 3 months from 2 Baddies. Whatever, you know I love what I do."

"Doesn't mean you don't get tired," you cross your arms, "Now I feel bad having you on this track. You are way too busy, Mark! Why didn't you or your company say no?"

He shakes his head to reassure you, "Nah, trust me Y/N; you're exactly the break I need from the boys. Besides, I've never had the chance to formally work with you, so why would I give up the opportunity when it comes? We always made a great team back then."

You smile fondly, thinking about all those times when you and Mark were young teenagers and would huddle up in the practice rooms writing songs together and creating melodies on your guitars.

"I guess we did. Anyway, have a listen to this track. It's just something I wrote a while ago, but it always seemed unfinished so I thought that a feature would complete it," you hand him a pair of headphones and gesture over to your laptop with the track already loaded up, "If you like it, you can do your part in the second verse, but otherwise we can start from scratch."

You watch his face as he listens to the song and you're endeared to find out he still carries the same habit of letting his face do all the talking whenever he's listening to something new. His head is bobbing up and down as he nods along to the song and you can easily tell which parts he likes.

"So, what do you think?" you inquire.

He has a grin on his face, "I love it! Honestly! It's a cute song about a crush, I guess?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to go with any song that's lyrically strong for my debut. This song's pretty unassuming and you know how important it is to the companies to have a general public-friendly song," you shrug. They didn't really explicitly give you guidelines, but you knew what the company was really looking for- a hit, "Can you work with that beat? I'll send you the song of course and you don't have to rush or anything."

"I'll see what I can do," Mark teases, "Can I get an insider sneak peek at the rest of the album? You know, feature perks and all of that."

You flush even redder than when he complimented you earlier, "I'm going to be so honest Mark, the whole album is about you. Every song I've written is about you."

He shrugs casually, "I would've figured. You're a big inspiration to my writing too. Is that a no, then?"

You decide that there was no point shying away from Mark's request, considering that he would end up hearing each and every song whenever your album came out anyway. Plus, the two of you were artists and you understood being each others' muse- good or bad. Mark had seen you in every vulnerable state possible. Showing him your songs that you were comfortable enough to release to the public anyway was nothing to you.

"You can listen."

You don't bother giving Mark any explanations for any song- he's the one that lived through these experiences with you. You leave him with your tracklist on the laptop and tell him you would leave him for a few moments to grab some lunch for the two of you in the company cafeteria. You were hoping it was going to be a quick trip down and back up, but you had run into a producer you were also working with on the album, and that gave Mark at least 5 songs worth of time alone.

What you hadn't expected upon returning was to find Mark crying softly, his sweater paws rubbing at his eyes.

"Mark? Are you crying?"

Your surprise caused him to jump up and frantically wipe away his tears, "Ha. That's a really sad album, huh?"

The guilt continues to eat you up from the inside out, "I'm not going to release all of them, I think. A few sad songs and fill the rest in with inconspicuous tracks."

"Well your songs are beautiful anyway," he gives you a pained smile, "You're an amazing writer. I just wish I wasn't the cause of your pain."

"Hey," you scold softly, bumping his arm with yours, "Don't say that. You were nothing but amazing to me. You made me so happy. It was just the circumstances around us."

He chuckled bitterly to himself, "If we weren't famous- if this industry wasn't so vicious, I would still have you?"

"Mark," you warn, but he cuts you off.

"Have you thought about what I asked you?" he interrupts, "It's been a year, you know? I still miss you."

"Mark, it's not that easy," you counter, "Nothing's changed!"

"It's either you want to be with me or you don't. Don't skirt around it and just tell me the truth, okay? It would really make working together easier if I know where we stand. I won't stop fighting for us until you tell me to stop, so tell me what you want, Y/N," Mark pleads, standing up to face you, "I'm sorry for springing it out of nowhere, but I need to know. I can't move on until I know to let you go."

You hate yourself for what you did to Mark. He was the boy that taught you how to love and how to love patiently, sincerely, and passionately. He was the boy that held your hand and rubbed your back when you cried and the boy that celebrated every success with you. He was the boy that told you how proud he was of you, even every time you felt like the world was collapsing around you. He was the boy who would lay kisses on your forehead and whisper sweet nothings in your ear whenever you faced another setback. He was the boy that made flowers bloom out of your heart from his kind gestures and the way he showed you how much he loved you. And if nothing else, Mark was the boy that made you happy.

You remember a conversation with your youngest member the night before. You had confided in her how nervous you were to work with Mark and she lectured you on finally letting yourself be happy. You were already a 4-year idol and Mark was coming onto 7 years. You weren't rookies anymore and you had solid fanbases. It was clear that the companies weren't extremely opposed to revealing that the two of you were dating back then, so she told you that it would be fine now. Kali told you, rather cliché-ly, that the heart wants what it wants and your heart has been screaming and begging from Mark since the second you ended that phone call with him all those years ago.

"Y/N?"

"Mark," you meet his eyes and melt all over again, "It's you, Mark."

Mark wraps one arm around your waist and pulls you tighter. The other hand reaches up to your face to brush your hair out of your face and cradle your cheek as he brings it up to his own face. Your noses are almost touching as Mark lays it all bare for you, "Do you love me or do you not, Y/N?"

"I do," the feeling is cathartic when you finally tell him and when he finally presses his lips in a searing kiss that sets off all the fireworks in your heart. The feeling of Mark is familiar, but the kiss is longing and hopeful and you can't get enough.

You're both panting when he breaks the kiss and he rests his forehead against yours as he laughs softly in relief. He's been waiting to do that for over 2 years.

"I need you back, Y/N. It's been the worst 2 years of my life," he whispers against your lips, "Please come back."

You smile when he opens his eyes. They're that shade you grew to love all those years ago and they're sparkling like the day he first asked you to be his girlfriend.

Nothing's changed in your environment, that's for sure. What you're also sure about is that each time you see Mark again, you feel a little braver and more courageous. Each time Mark tells you that he loves you even though you shattered his heart like glass, you feel like his love can get you through anything. Maybe you needed those 2 years to see what you were missing or maybe you were just stupid.

Whatever. All you know now is that even 2 years on, Mark Lee is still begging for your love and your brain is losing out in its battle against your heart. It might've taken you two years, but now you see that all you need is Mark Lee by your side to get through the torrential storm that was heading your way and that you were going to get out on the other side to a bright and sunny sky, as long as he was holding your hand and leading you.

You place a kiss on his lips that tells him all he needs to know, "I'm here, Mark. It's always been you. You've always been the one. Always."

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staytinyville · 4 months

Text

Stay Alive (36)

BTS poly!ot7 x Reader

Magical Creatures AU

Series Masterlist

Warnings: none

A/N NOT BETA. This was supposed to be a smut but I struggled to do the last ones so no it did not turn into a smut. But just know that in my head they did do the do.

Getting to the mountains was not that hard. It was an easy and quick drive seeing as a lot of people were flying about as well. All the boys decided to tag along, Namjoon explaining to you that tomorrow you would go to visit his own family that were also waiting in Seoul.

Some of the boys had called their own families, explaining that you were with them and they would be taking turns a day to spend time with you. You could hear their families crying and sobbing over the fact that their boys were home. They explained that after seeing Jin’s family they would be going back home and you would meet them later on.

They wouldn’t tell you why it was that Jin’s family seemed to be important, but coming up to a large wall that had a palace hidden behind it made you wonder just how important he truly was. You stopped behind the man, moving around to look at his face.

He swallowed thickly, tears pooling in his eyes as he looked up at the gates of the wall. His hands balled into fist to keep from crying out loud. You moved to grab one, slowly pulling his fingers out to fit them through yours.

“Are you okay, Jin?” You asked him quietly.

“It's been so long since I've been home.” He choked. “I don't know what to expect.”

“I'm sure you'll find your parents and siblings all waiting for you on the other side of the door.” Namjoon patted his older comrade on the back, giving him a reassuring smile.

“I'm right here.” You told him, squeezing his hand just a bit.

“We all are.” Jungkook spoke up from Jin’s other side, giving the older boy a large grin.

Jin nodded his head once, taking a step forward to reach the gate once more. As you all began to move forward, the guards stationed at the front were the first to take notice of you all. They waited for a moment as you reached them, about to ask what business you had with the family but suddenly did a double take as Jin in the front.

They were large people with pig-like noses. Large teeth protruded from the bottom of their lips as they looked to be sabertooth like. There were many creatures you could think of at the moment but you couldn’t be too sure. You watched as their noses wiggled, taking a whiff of all of you just in case.

“Your majesty?” One called, letting go of his stiff posture as disbelief painted his features. “Is it—Is it really you?”

“It is him!” The other shouted, weapon falling to the floor as he began to hyperventilate.

“By gods!” The first guard yelled, turning to the gates. “The crowned prince has returned!”

As the gates began to open up and a large palace in the mountain came into view, your eyes went wide as the guard shouted about Jin being the crowned prince. You quickly turned to the boy, looking at him incredulously.

“What?” You spoke out loud.

“Our Jinnie here is the elven prince of Korea.” Jimin gushed, poking the older man in the cheek as he hung off his shoulder.

“You didn't tell me!?” You yelled, as all of you began to make your way into the palace too stunned to take notice of everything around you.

“It's not like it was important in your world.” Jin shrugged, looking at you as if it was no big deal.

“Jin!” You gasped about to scold him when you were stopped by four women walking up you.

Your eyes went wide once more at how beautiful they all looked. Even dressed in large steel armor that clearly protected them while in battle made them look ethereal.

“Your grace.” One began giving Jin a large smile. “It's such a great relief to have you back home.”

“Thank you, Solar.” Jin bowed his head, laughing a little at how happy he was to be home.

The rest of the women smiled gratefully, giving Jin and the boys a pat on the back. They each introduced themselves to you; Solar, Moonbyul, Hwasa, and Wheein–their nicknames according to Jin. When they bowed onto their knees when they learned it was you who helped them get back home.

You blushed of course, quickly telling them to get it. When all things were done, they began to lead you towards what you assumed to be the throne room.

“Wow.” You quietly told yourself, following the girls.

“They're Valkyries. Most royal families have them as personal guards.” Yoongi explained from the other side of you.

“They've been here for as long as I can remember. They are a lot like me when it comes to their aging process.” Jin began to explain.

“How old are you really then?” You playfully asked, giggling as you saw the look on his face.

“The oldest!” Taehyung giggled.

“Ya! Don't be rude. I'm not that old.” Jin scolded the boy.

Before they could continue to bicker more, Solar and Wheein opened up the large doors. You saw the thrones sitting directly in front on a stage. However, what you assumed to be the king and queen, were pacing in front of it. They immediately stopped when the doors opened, shoulders falling as they took you all in.

“Seokjin?” The woman began to have tears fall from her eyes, slowly getting closer to Jin.

She slowly reached a hand out as she began to touch Jin’s pointed ears. Her lips trembled as she searched his face. A sob wracked through her body, pulling the tall boy in for a hug.

“Hi.” Jin sobbed out.

“My son has returned!” She cried out, fingers clenching onto Jin’s shirt tightly. “The gods have answered our prayers!” She turned to her husband, allowing him to hug Jin as well.

“Boys!” Jin’s mother smiled even more when she saw the 6 other men behind Jin. “I'm so happy to see you all in good health.” She hugged each one, patting their cheeks and checking over for any injuries as she did with Jin.

“Thank you, your majesty.” Namjoon politely spoke up.

“Hello.” She stopped at you, wiping at her tears as she tried to keep her composure in front of you. “Who might you be?” She asked, eyes bright.

Jin pulled back from his father, turning to you. You smiled at him, reaching up to wipe at his tears out of instinct with your sleeve. Jin’s parents watched the interaction with a smile, his mother holding her hands together at her chest as she cooed quietly at you.

“Mother. Father.” Jin pulled you to his side, holding your hand tightly with his. “This is our mate, (Y/N). She's the one who saved us.”

Jin’s mother reached out to hold your face between her smaller hands. You gave her a kind smile, bowing your head in respect.

“Thank you for bringing my son back.” She told you, lip trembling as she rubbed at your cheek.

“Of course, your grace.” You answered.

“Call me, mom.” She giggled, teasing you as she took a glance at Jin.

You laughed at the blush that settled over the older man’s face, but you could tell that he didn’t want things to be different. You had just learned that Jin had lived a long life before being kidnapped so he must have known what it was like to be with your parents for a while. You didn’t know what things would be like for the younger boys but if Jin had spent so much time with his family things must have been hard for him.

“We will have the cooks prepare a fantastic meal for you!” Jin’s father gushed, patting Jin’s back. “Oh, your brother will be so happy to see you again! He should be on his way! We shall celebrate this tremendous occasion that the crowned prince and his coven have returned.” He gave the boys all grateful smiles before turning to you.

“And that he has finally found his mate.” He bowed his head towards you.

“We will announce it to the people soon.” Moonbyul spoke up,

“Tomorrow.” The king smiled at his guards. “For now, we wish to have our son. There is a lot we have to catch up on.”

And catch up you all did. You met Jin’s older brother, another tear-fest as the two brothers hugged. You learned about his time spent as the prince. You also learned why he was the crowned prince and not his older brother. Compared to his brother, Jin was the one more suited to be king because of the time he spent learning about it. His brother wanted to do other things while Jin understood that someone needed to be King and he was more than happy to take the spot.

The other boys all took their leave to make it home before it got too dark. You would be staying the night with Jin and Namjoon would come to get you in the morning to take you to meet his family.

The queen had sent some clothing for you to sleep in–silk pajamas that matched Jin’s–to the man’s bedroom. You had finished dressing only to come out and find Jin looking at pictures and trinkets he had around his room. You smiled at the calming aura Jin had. He was so relaxed compared to how you knew him back in the facility.

All the boys were like that. On edge and ready to fight anything that seemed to harm them or others. For once they could rest. And you were so happy to see them that way. In such a short amount of time you never realized how much they would end up meaning to you. Much less all of them. You didn’t know if it had to do with the fact that it was something part of their magic, or if it was just you but you wanted to see them happy all the time.

“Your family is amazing.” You spoke up, pulling the blankets back to lay down comfy in bed.

Jin turned around and grinned at you, moving to get comfy on his side of the bed. This mattress had nothing on the beds in the facility that was for sure. Jin could finally have a good night's sleep.

“Thank you for spending the night with me.” Jin whispered, giving you lips a peck.

“Of course, Jinnie.” You grinned, forehead touching his.

“You mean so much to us.” Jin spoke up softly, moving a hand to touch your cheek. “You have no idea how much we are grateful for you. We will never be able to find a way to repay you back.”

“Being with all of you is enough for me.” You nudged his nose with yours, smiling softly.

“I love you.” Jin quietly said, breathing it against your lips.

You felt your heart stop for a moment, a huffed out laugh spilling from your lips. You moved to give him a kiss, hand on his cheek.

“I love you too, Seokjin.”

Series Masterlist

@h3arteyes4mingi , @fangirling-all-the-way-tbh , @rinkud, @rln-byg , @singukieee , @hoshi-is-ult-bbg , @ldysmfrst , @k-p0p-4ever , @shadowyjellyfishfest , @forestsquirrel , @juju-227592 , @alienchickenpoop , @dreamerwasfound , @afangirl91 , @psiphidragon , @puppyminnnie , @girl-nahh-two , @shyloh-the-cornsnake , @oemmi2005 , @ollyoxenfrees , @whynotlarene , @beeltsumu , @cryingpages , @milopenne , @belikejk , @thatonedemigodfromseoul , @woozixo, @serveruslovebot , @vintageoldfashion ,

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candywife333 · 2 months

Text

F*** The Pyramid

PART 1

Genre : Historical

PAIRING : yandere-ish Duke Jungkook x spinster social pariah chubby y/n

Inspired loosely by the Pyramid Games (kdrama which you guys should totally check out) and a novel called ,"The Captain's Wallflower"

Warning: This fic has minimal to no proofreading and the usual blend of outlandish comedy , crude jokes with expletives, smut, and angst (because I can't do without it). This is purely fiction and not a representation of the real Jungkook's true character or that of any other member of BTS.

Currently a trilogy ( thinking of making it a series with all other characters of BTS)

Summary: Duke Jung kook remained the quintessential peer of the realm, born with a platinum spoon in his mouth from the day he arrived into the world. He grew up playing a massive role in determining the structure of the social hierarchy----who gets to be the diamond of the water, the most eligible bachelor (other than himself of course), and.....who gets to be at the bottom of the pyramid ;the very dregs of society, the spinsters and ruined women who would never have a chance at a better life.

His bevy of associates all wealthy and powerful comprised of ; Marquess Taehyung, Baron Jimin, Viscount Yoongi, Viscount Hoseok, and Duke Namjoon (close advisor of the king)--formed the Pantheon (a group of wealthy and powerful men that ruled England). He lived the ideal life, the envy of all others..... or so he had thought. Till he met, Spinster Y/N--- the illegitimate daughter of Baron Stanton. They say, if she looks like a spinster, smells like a spinster (of lavender and epsom salt) , and tastes like a spinster ( though who would ever choose to taste one?) ----then she must be one. But something about Y/N was peculiar. She definitely seemed to be a spinster in name and mannerism. But was she truly one? And what was she hiding?

Cameos: Hwasa (my queen), Chungha, and many others

Part 2

I yawned again. And again. And again. Munched on a croissant. And then proceeded to...yawn again. So boring. I would never deign to come down to London for a Season ever again. That was the only modicum of comfort I was looking forward to. Never showing up here again. The scene would never change, so what was the point? Aunt Alyssa, my mother's older sister, had insisted that I accompany Solji to her debutante season----where she would be introduced to all the other pompous, rich, uninteresting, vapid members of the ton. So she could find an uninteresting, rich husband to marry who would inevitably cheat on her with a mistress and she could pretend to be happy and have his ugly nonsensical big headed babies pushed out of her vagina and die....eventually. I know, my view of the ton and life amongst them is anything other than comforting. Yet after watching so many seasons go by, sitting on my bench (I called it my PERCH) like a cockatoo at the rotten old age of 26, my views were firmly engraved into stone. Nobody could convince me otherwise.

The entire point of the ton's existence was enforcing social hierarchy. There was no other point. True friendships are meager and rare, sanctity of marriage has no meaning ( with affairs flourishing abundantly in dark corners of Vauxhall ) , and love is nonexistent. Love, a concept I had pondered for ages as I watched naive gullible debutantes waltz around with their chosen well-to-do suitors. Suitors that proclaimed sonnets of love initially, yet inevitably lost interest in their gullible little guppy fish wives and relegated those same foolish wives to country estates never to be seen again, so they could priggishly jaunt across London with mistresses on their arms---to operas and **gasp*** decorated bedrooms. Showering attention on mistresses and maids and any other women of relatively low standing --- to suck at their grotesque, syphilitic cucumbers.

Abhorrent. Men never made sense to me, and I was convinced that love was a construct they came up with, to fool women to do their bidding. I mean, at this point, having seen what I have seen, I wonder if they even believe in the hoax called love themselves. My concern after sitting here on my perch for the last 7 seasons since I had come out, is that not once had I been asked to dance. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, I guess it made sense? Chubby , wearing spectacles, and unappealing dresses with colors and designs of years gone by, definitely would not make me the toast of the season by any chance.

Yet, even when I had been a bit more fashionable, and when father had been alive and still holding the position of Baron--I would've expected few offers of marriage by fortune hunters merely seeking my dowry. But alas... that was not be. One girl, that debuted the same year as I did, daughter of Duke Asbury, Lady Seulgi had tripped on her feet while dancing the waltz, into the arms of Baron Jimin , bowling both of them over to the cold marble floors of the ballroom rather unceremoniously. She had bemoaned to the rest of the debuting girls (including little old me) that day, languishing on a chaise as she gesticulated nervously, " I am a miserable dancer. How will I ever survive this wretched Season"?

I had quietly tried to suppress my giggles at her ridiculous tirade. What could she even mean? She was proclaimed the diamond of the first water instantaneously after being presented at court that Season 7 years ago, earning the attentions of all the members of the Pantheon and many other wealthy peers of the realm. Her life was easy. All she had to do was do nothing. Yes, I said it. Merely, NOTHING. Her fate was decided from her birth. Not like the rest of us, who were not conventionally attractive and now.......financially destitute. She had earned the good grace of everyone from birth due to her wealth and strong connections. Even if she had farted, everyone would have applauded her flatulence.

These were the women I didn't understand. The ones who had everything, yet bemoaned their lot in life----frivolous ninnies in my opinion. All the women of the higher echelons of society remained there --marrying similarly wealthy lords and preserving their lineage and wealth. You may ask---is there no social mobility? And I would say, of course bloody not---you simpering little sot. What did this look like? A fairy tale? Cinderella? Princes of good moral standing don't exist. Rich men have options. And they always avail them. Why would a rich man marry a poor woman? Lust. That would be the only real answer.

I know I sounded jaded, and I definitely was. You can only be a trampled on flowerbed for so long, till you start festering and molding with bitterness. I do not profess to be better than anyone else. At times over the years I had wished to feel beautiful, marry a good match, and have a family. But that destiny clearly was not in store for me. The complicated reasoning being that I simply was not conventionally attractive and did not inspire lust in men, and that my father's rather paltry dowry did not inspire even mere greed in men . I am socially inept and quiet by nature. These were all valid reasons.

But, the simple reason I chose to believe---is that one man merely found no utility in me. Who you may ask? Duke Jungkook I would say, without even flinching or stuttering. Others thought "society at large" did not care for them, hence they were mowed over to the corner to become rotten spinsters and outcasts. You know who society was? Duke Jungkook and the members of his Pantheon. But he was still the mastermind. Slickly manipulative, handsome, and wealthy.

He was born sitting on a golden throne, and over the years proved that he was an intellectual. Silently accruing further wealth for his estate through trade and industry---something the Ton usually looked down upon. But since it was Duke Jungkook, it was permissible. Everything was in his case. He was the exception to every rule. If his character description stopped at this, we would have all been fine. But one thing Duke Jungkook seemed to crave is control. He was hyper competitive because he lusted after control---and it's close comrade, power. Power over even the pitiful members of society, he had no business trying to control. He played God for years, and always got away with it.

How do I know he's the one running the show you ask? Well, I had time to observe. And I would say, that is my only true talent. I notice things others don't because I am invisible. A mousy little mite relegated to my pitiful perch. And I noticed everything, from his wagers which either demoted or elevated people's social standings---to the way he manipulated people with misinformation and rumors. He decided who was popular. And he decided who wasn't. And if anyone was to blame for my social standing, I would say it was him. What he had done 7 years ago had reduced me to my position now. It wasn't even anything all that dramatic. He cut me down without even a fight.

I remember it as clear as if it were yesterday, even now.....

"I am so sorry, Lord Jungkook, I wasn't watching my step, please forgive me", I had stuttered in an overly fuchsia dress akin to a little sausage as I sweat incessantly in the stuffy ballroom. Hadn't meant to spill a chalice of lemonade on his coat.

His dark eyes gleamed with amusement and something that I identified as calculation later on in my life , as he brushed it off with a wave of his hand, "Tis' of no import, Lady Y/N. Don't worry". I nodded and curtsied towards him, "Thank you for overlooking my clumsiness, Lord Jungkook. I am sorry to disturb your evening".

I had thought he had truly forgiven me. It wouldn't ruin his reputation, our encounter. It was the mistake of a newly debuted girl, more akin to a child than a woman.

I had believed in the kindness of men and humanity till then. Till he chuckled and slyly condescended in a rather loud and cloyingly sweet tone of voice, "Of course, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. At least you are not as clumsy as your mother in concealing her relations or as clumsy as your father in the way of estate management". He sauntered away lazily as he left me to deal with the fall, whistling a merry tone juxtaposing the social demise he had just inflicted upon an innocently naive girl.

Casually cruel in the name of being honest. Everyone in the ballroom had heard, their eyes and ears peeled towards any interaction involving him as they do generally, as moths do towards a flame. Only Lord Jungkook would know my dad's poor financial status even as a Baron, or about my mother's affairs which had wrung him dry emotionally. Father had resorted to ruining our meager wealth by letting the estate go to spoil. He soon after died of heartbreak at my mother's affairs a year after this horrendous moment.

He had borrowed a massive amount of money from Duke Jungkook, money he would never be able to repay. When he died, the Baron's estate and debt was inherited by cousin, leaving me and my two older sisters with nothing. Thankfully, my sisters were already married off to decent, financially stable men---though they were mere vicars. Not men with titles, but reliable nevertheless. And I was left an orphan. Looked down upon and pitied by my beautifully polished sisters, and members of society as I was unmarried and ineligible according to my looks and lack of dowry--and Duke Jungkook's honorable estimation of my worth (or lack thereof).

Duke Jungkook had ruined my life long before dad had died, and the mere sight of him would remind me of my downfall to this day.

I hated the man to his day, teeth gritting unconsciously. If I ever came across the man in need, I wouldn't hesitate to ruin him. As he had ruined me. He had opened up to the mockery and disdain of the ton. I didn't get invitations to most balls and events by then. The only few I did get invited to were due to my Aunt Alyssa, or shall I say Viscountess Alyssa. I was unmarriageable nevertheless. And I had only stuck around to earn some money by being companion and chaperone for Solji.

The plan was to leave this horrendous place of twinkling lights and crushed dreams for a family--for a baby (a dream I had cherished in my heart of hearts for quite some time). I just wanted to be left alone now. Away from Duke Jungkook's paralyzing serpentine glances that decried me of my humanity and value, and the snickers from other wealthy men at my nunnish appearance. I would go live in a 3 bedroom cottage on the countryside, the only thing that had been entailed to my name in father's will which had not been of any value to debt collectors.

It was a beautiful cottage, tucked away near the edge of a meadow in a quaint little town called Chestershire. We had family vacations in my childhood there. It just required some repair and warm touches, to become a lovely house. I had earned money as companion to Aunt Alyssa so that I could retire there without worrying about money for at least the next 2 years. I would probably start selling garments I had knitted and sewed over the years as well, once those funds ran out.

Just thinking about the cottage and the quiet life awaiting me, filled with baby chicks and piglets and a warm hearth devoid of judging glares filled me with happiness....something I had not been acquainted with for a long time, as a soft smile brightened up my face .

Couldn't wait to leave the bloody pyramid. Every dog has its day. And mine would arrive tomorrow.

Only , if I had known that destiny always knows how to kick a girl in the arse, just when she believes the worst is over.

--------------------------------------

I arrived around the evening of the next day after a garrulous carriage ride had tossed me up like a well done egg salad 30 times. The travel was terrible and yet the journey was definitely worth it. Meadows filled with various flowers and fruits stretched up and over sprawling green hills in the weak light of the setting sun , all cresting into a peak at the top of the hill---my home, my cottage. It was just as I remembered it, a homely cottage wrapped around by rose bushes and creeping stalks of bouginvillea and tulips.

The main village center was just a 3 minute walk away, but felt much further away from everyone else, with the way it was situated upon a tiny hill surrounded by an expanse of trees giving plenty of shade to the cottage. I paid the coach man and walked up the hill, sweating and dusty from the ride. As I came up to the door, I could smell the fragrance of a hearty stew wafting out of the window.

Who was in there already?I knocked on the door and was met with a swinging door that gave view to an overgrown golden retriever jostling me to the grassy ground with enthusiastic licks. A buxom lady with sparkling green eyes, and thick brown hair in two plaits exclaimed happily, "Oh, darling Y/N, tis' been a long while since I saw you. Must've been when we were kids, still digging worms from the pond and making little houses for them".

I remembered who it was. Sunny, my old maid's daughter-- who I had played with in my childhood. I patted the dog on its head as I got up, brushing grass from my skirts, enveloping her in a rambunctious hug with a wide grin, "So good to see you sweetheart!!!! Where is your mother? Is she in good health?"

"Oh, she's fine Y/N, just back at home because of her rheumy joints. She finds it hard to keep up with maintaining the cottage, so I am doing the job as of now." I smiled warmly, my insides singing with joy at the jubilant welcome back home. I truly felt at home for once.

Chestershire still remained the quiet town I remembered it to be, idyllic and pasotral. It was a wonderful change of pace--fresh air and sprawling greenery so much the eye could not contain. She grabbed me by the shoulders and hustled me into the clean , well maintained cottage. It was a beautiful interior with leviathan bay windows and plenty of comfortable seating space. I inhaled the hearty potato stew into my mouth, discussing my plans with Sunny on how to make the cottage even more homely and regarding repairs to be done.

Apparently a tiny sum of money was provided by father's will to go for maintenance annually to the cottage. That is why the place hadn't fallen into complete disrepair. It just needed a few homely touches, some floral printed curtains and doilies and warm rugs and blankets. Along with some vases that could contain flowers which shrouded the cottage window-sills.

I had my work cut out for me for the next week. But this work was more welcome than anything else I had had to deal with uptil now.

--------------------BACK IN LONDON

Lord Jungkook was pondering something of the utmost importance at the moment as his valet stared at him, eyes agog with concern. The cravat he was to wear today to Lady Esterly's ball held much salience. It had to be something somber to indicate respect towards the end of her grieving period, yet not so outrageously dark in color that it would be utterly unfashionable. She had lost her gouty ill tempered 70 year old husband few months ago to sickness. And though she was clearly happy to lose him, it would be unbecoming to demonstrate those sentiments in public.

As Jungkook entered the ballroom , something in his subconscious pricked at him. What was this uneasy feeling? He hadn't felt this way since 7 years ago when he had found out that Lady Y/N's mother was having an affair with his father, who had been Duke of Somerset at the time.

His father had been a wealthy and powerful man who had always seemed to always adore Jungkook's mother, the Duchess Somerset. Yet, he had done the exact opposite and when she had least expected it, well into their marriage of 30 years, taken up a torrid relationship with Y/N's mother. Jungkook's mother had died of grief merely a year after his father had made his affections not so secret to society. And his father soon followed her in death due to his weak constitution, succumbing to infection in the winter. Y/N's mother had been left to grieve the passing of his father and her husband that same year. She stayed with one of Y/N's married elder sisters.

He had never noticed Y/N's existence till then, till he found out whose daughter she was as she had scurried around the edges of the ballroom like a nervous rodent since her debut in Society. She wasn't much of a beauty to look at with plain features, full cheeks and a plush frame that seemed more matronly and frumpy than anything else. Her only redeeming feature were her sparkling eyes and lush hair that served to hinder the expressions on her face.

Her attire had deteriorated as her father's estate fell to ruin, thanks to Jungkook availing Jimin's crafty ways of tricking money out of the hands of Y/N's gambling father who had gotten rather desperate for money. Jimin ran a gaming hell that had made many a gentleman penniless---something he took great pride in. According to Jimin, if they lost money to the gaming hell, it was a testament to their bad luck and his good luck.

Jungkook had decided to strip her of any remaining honor, not as though her mother had left his mother with any honor either-- even in her death. It would be comeuppance for what her mother had done. She would pay for her mother's sins. And so he thoroughly ruined her reputation, ensuring she would never have a good life therafter--a life lacking family and a chance at a socially and financially advantageous match.

That's when it hit Jungkook. Where was Y/N? She wasn't in her usual spot overlooking people dancing at her bench. That had been her occupation for the past 7 years, watching people have the life that she would never have--he had made it so.

Jungkook felt extremely uneasy now that he could not spot Y/N. Where the hell was she? She always came to the bigger events that Lady Alyssa and her daughter attended. He had denied her invitation to most smaller ,more intimate events with his social acumen, but not the big ones. She had to see what she was missing out on---life. That had been his revenge plan.

But now she was nowhere to be found. He blindly searched for her, till he came across Lady Alyssa and inquired in a drawling tone , schooling his features into a calm that he didn't mirror the panic he was actually feeling, "Hello, Lady Alyssa. Fine evening it is today, is it not"? Lady Alyssa graciously smiled at him, "Yes, of course it is Lord Jungkook. How are you faring today? Oh, this is my daughter Solji in case you have not met her". Solji gracefully curtsied in her periwinkle floaty dress that showed off her waifish frame in the best light.

He continued in an unaffected tone, "And where is your companion, Lady Solji? Y/N is it"? Solji nodded as she replied, "She has decided to retire to the countryside for a while. Her father left her a countryside residence and so she has chosen to depart early before the season ends so that she can celebrate Christmas over there". Lady Alyssa sighed, stating in a resigned tone, "Anyhow she has no prospects of marriage with how she looks and conducts herself, better she is away from polluting the rest of the ton with her incessant cynicism and gloom".

Jungkook nodded at these statements seeming calm as a cucumber on the outide, whereas he was internally rattled at the happenings imparted to him. She had left? After so many years, she had decided to just leave? Evidently she had gotten tired of not being enough for London. But how could she leave without telling him?Without even an announcement of her departure?

A little voice in Jungkook's head gave him the blatant answer--not like she had any friends to inform of her departure. And not like he was her husband/brother/legal guardian, who she would have to inform of her comings and goings. After his blasting statement 7 years ago, the few friends she did have, left her --frightened of being associated with her ill repute by merely even conversing with her, or being seen in her presence.

She was a free bird, and Jungkook was hating the fact.

She had left him to play his own game. The pyramid only remained so, when there were people at the bottom. Sure, there were others he could and had manipulated to stay at the bottom, but he wanted her to remain there. Not for her to exit the game altogether.

Y/N was not allowed to be happy or have a Christmas, after what his mother had been through---he would definitely ensure this.

#bts x plus size y/n #jungkook x y/n #historical romance #eventual smut #angst #comedy #duke jungkook #jungkook x chubby reader #body negativity #body shaming #plus size y/n #y/n x bts #chubby y/n x bts #jungkook x plus size y/n #bts x y/n

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ryujenini · 4 months

Note

Hi! This is a request for fluffcember!

Could you do Wheein x Reader where Wheein forgets something at home (lunch/phone/etc) and reader brings it to work for her and the other members tease Wheein for being so shy and blushing a lot 😊

Fluffcember Day 23

Wheein x Y/N - This Ones A Keeper

Wheein had left for work about an hour before you woke up, you went downstairs to start making yourself some breakfast when you see that Wheein had left her lunch and her phone laying on the table, you smiled adoringly at how clumsy and forgetful she could be sometimes before going back to preparing your breakfast and then getting ready to make your way to the studio to make sure Wheein had her things and actually had something to eat

You got in your car and started the 25 minutes drive, stopping on the way to get Wheein's favourite dessert and also making sure to get 4 drinks for her and her band mates and then continued on your way, smiling at the thought of getting to see your favourite girl again since you already missed her

The guards let you in with no hassle since they knew who you were at this point and told you what room Mamamoo would be practicing in so you made your way there, grinning to yourself as you caught sight of Wheein through the window laughing at something hwasa said

You knocked on the door lightly as everyone turned to the door, the second Wheein saw you a blush plastered across her face and you could hear the other 3 let out a symphony of ooooooohs and Moonbyul doing kissy faces towards Wheein only making her blush deepen as she went to get the door for you

"Hey Baby, you forgot your lunch and your phone so I bought them here for you and stopped to get you and the girls coffee on the way" you said holding up the bag and the coffee's as Wheein let you into the room

Hwasa looked at the coffees and nudged Wheein in the side before saying "this ones a keeper" winking and going off to hand out the drinks, which made Wheein smile and you shyly and interlace her hand with yours and say " i plan to" as she led you to the table to sit down

"I got a little surprise for you" you said to her, pulling the slice of cake out of the bag and handing it to the blonde haired girl who's face lit up looking at the sweet treat before leaning in to kiss you on the cheek once again causing the other 3 to tease her which just made you laugh and pull her in even closer until she was sat on your lap hiding her face in your chest out of embarrassment as you traced circles on her arms slowly making her less embarrassed as she stayed in her place just lifting her head to stick her tongue out at Solar who was copying their current position sitting in Moonbyul's lap practically being cradled

You stayed and had lunch with them before going home much to Wheein's disappointment, making sure to give everyone a hug and giving Wheein a quick chaste kiss on her lips and forehead before leaving back to the apartment to watch bad reality tv and wait for Wheein to come home later that night and tell you all about everything that happened after you left, which was mostly a lot more teasing in between recording sessions and the girls secretly being happy that you and Wheein had found eachother

#fluffcember #fluffmas #mamamoo #kpop #wheein #fluff #imagine #one shot #drabble #fanfic #hwasa #solar #moonbyul #ryujenini

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soft-bellied-tannies · 6 months

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The Magic of Modeling

How is it already the second to last day of Chubtober!? I can’t believe it’s almost over.

Today’s prompt is Enchanted from fatguarddog’s list and there is a little cameo from my favorite gal.

Read here or on AO3!

—-

Taehyung wasn’t even sure how it was brought up. They were all talking about Jimin’s latest fashion show and then somehow, they were talking about Taehyung’s modeling ability.

While he was incredibly handsome and his partners never failed to tell him that, Taehyung knew he was not the model type.

He had been chubby his entire life and he really enjoyed that about himself. Taehyung loved food, loved his soft belly, and loved his wide thighs. He was the perfect cuddler and his lap was the best seat for his partners.

Taehyung knew it was partially a lie as he said it, but it didn’t stop him from setting up what eventually would become a months long endeavor.

“I could definitely model.”

His partners seemed to fall silent, figuring out how to respond to him lightly until Yoongi took the burden on himself.

“Tae, you know I’m saying this with all my love and respect for you with no judgment, but we both know that’s not really true. The industry sucks and you would have to lose weight to be taken seriously.”

Taehyung knew Yoongi was right, unfortunate as the truth was, but he also didn’t want that to stop him. It somehow became a challenge for himself - a fixation to figure out how he could pull it off.

He didn’t feel that he needed to prove them wrong necessarily because they loved and supported him, enjoying his body and hyping up his look, but it almost was like proving the industry as a whole wrong. An unknown sleight of his own hand.

It started with a lot of research for Taehyung to figure out how he could be chubby…maybe fat if he were to be honest with himself and enter the modeling world.

That is when Taehyung remembered Hwasa, the granddaughter of his grandmother’s best friend.

They had been childhood friends and he trusted her to come up with a solution considering that she descended from a long line of witches.

Taehyung certainly wasn’t going to attempt losing the weight first because he would never give into the toxic industry and he honestly just didn’t have the willpower to do it.

After looking up types of charms and spells, Taehyung found a variation on a Cinderella-esque magical effect that could allow him to have the best of both worlds.

It would allow Taehyung’s true form to be as fat and happy as he wanted while also shifting into the “ideal” frame for male modeling.

He could maintain the perfect model image during certain hours of the day before returning home to indulge in his favorite meals and couch cuddles.

After meeting up at Hwasa’s shop and explaining his findings, she looked at him with a mix of amusement and disbelief.

“You’re serious about this?”

“Of course, I told you, I need to make this point. I have to prove them wrong.”

“But they aren’t discouraging you, it’s just realistic.”

“Fine, then I need to prove the industry wrong.”

“By finding a loophole to still have the body type they require and no one knowing.”

“I will know! That’s the point!”

“God, you are so dumb…”

“So, you’re not going to do it?”

“What? Of course I’m going to do it, sit down.”

In a matter of hours, Taehyung was looking a completely different version of himself in the mirror. He couldn’t remember a time that his jaw had such a sharp line or ever having definition on his abdomen.

Honestly, Taehyung hated it. It felt and looked wrong, like everything that made him Taehyung was gone - way too small and cold.

“Man, you look hot as hell, models should consider themselves lucky that you love food so much, but it also just looks so off. You sure about this?”

Hwasa’s voice startled Taehyung and he nodded. He couldn’t agree more that it was not the look for him, however, he knew that he could easily sell the model look long enough to make his point.

“Yeah, I just need to do this until I can book a project and then be done with it.”

“Let me help with that. I’ve got some contacts in the industry. You aren’t the only one who uses magic to cut corners.”

Taehyung managed to hide his little secret from his partners, not utilizing Hwasa’s perfect charm until she sent him the details for a shoot.

Showing up to the set gave him a lot of insight to Jin and Jimin’s experiences, Taehyung making a mental note to check in on them both considering how uptight and brutally honest everyone was.

He truly had a terrible time and was happy that he hadn’t changed his life and body to work toward this. Although, he did accept a few more shoots since Hwasa went through so much to help him.

However, Taehyung did draw the line at a certain point.

“Maybe we can get you a partner shoot with someone. One last project because we call it.”

“Woah, I’m trying to prove myself, not get in trouble. No partners besides my own.”

“I don’t understand you, Tae, but somehow, I respect you.”

What Hwasa didn’t tell him was that she did find him a partner shoot that did follow his rules.

When Taehyung showed up the following week on set looking trim and toned, the last person he expected to see was Park Jimin.

It took everything for him not to run in the other direction, wanting his plan to be a big reveal once his photos were published.

Jimin turns to greet his model counterpart, eyes widening as he immediately recognizes a version of his partner that he’s never seen before.

“T-Tae…”

“Minnie, I can explain.”

“You better fucking explain! What did you do to yourself? Did you hurt yourself? Why-“

“Jimin-ah, please, let’s talk in private.”

After explaining his entire plan and the fact that it wasn’t permanent, Taehyung saw the relief form on Jimin’s face.

Showering him in kisses and gentle touches, Jimin explained how scared he was that Taehyung did something dangerous and how happy he was to know that his soft and warm Tae was still underneath the magic.

They did the shoot together perfectly, chemistry and intimacy flowing naturally between loving partners.

Jimin stole a few shots from his team to take home as proof, changing his tune as soon as they were in the car together.

Taehyung knew he was in for it based on Jimin’s adamance that he told the entire story to their partners that night.

He could barely get the words out before the scolding began, telling him it was a reckless decision for such a silly reason.

Also, Namjoon and Hoseok both lectured him, frustrated and concerned that he would look elsewhere for magic knowing that he had two perfectly capable magic users in the house.

Taehyung reasoned that it would ruin the surprise and used his photos with Jimin as proof, finding that the impressive shots silenced his berating partners who could see the appeal.

What Taehyung had not expected was for his popularity as a model to take off. His shoot with Jimin went viral and he was getting offers for more and more work.

Tae tried so hard not to be smug about it because he knows he's hot shit and in his mind, this was proving to everyone that he could have both - being fat and a top model.

Part of him was discouraged that he couldn’t just be himself though. The only reason he was not on the front page of Vogue as his true self was because the industry decisions makers were cowards.

With Jimin becoming his never ending hypeman, complimenting his modeling but never shutting about how hot he was at his actual size, Taehyung found it easier to continue.

He introduced Namjoon, Hoseok, and Hwasa who were able to maintain his secret charm, allowing him to have the best of both worlds throughout his career.

His partners would admit to having a weird satisfaction watching him grow to his normal size as Taehyung was completely transparent with them on his arrangement now.

However, they weren’t the only ones who couldn’t keep their eyes off Taehyung. He became an enigma of the modeling industry.

The man landing covers and centerfolds with Park Jimin and Kim Seokjin on his arms that also had a cheeseburger and a milkshake for lunch on set while the other models ate their salads and drank their green juice.

Taehyung never told anyone aside from his loving partners and closest friend ever learned of his perfectly enchanted weight - the key to his happiness and success.

And maybe his happiness grew a little more knowing that Taehyung had convinced Jin and Jimin to loosen up and relax, maybe sharing the love of his little charm and big appetite with his partners over the years.

No one had to know that the most successful trio of models in Korea looked much softer behind closed doors.

#soft bellied tannies #chubby bts #bts weight gain #chubby taehyung #Hwasa cameo #sbt chubtober #bts supernatural au #implied chubby jimin #implied chubby Jin

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yongsunsuniverse · 9 months

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Happy Hwasa day! Happy birthday to such a beautiful and free soul!

#hwasa #ahn hyejin #hyejin #mamamoo hwasa #mamamoo #happy hwasa day #hwasa day #red hair #red haired hwasa #my con #my con tour #my con world tour #mamamoo kpop #kpop

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violetsiren90 · 11 months

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Thunder and Pineapple Rum (Mini Teaser)

Pairing: pan!he/him!Yoongi x bi!she/her!Reader x aro!he/they!Jimin x bi!she/her!Hwasa

Genre: Swinger AU; drabble; porn with (enough of a) plot (I guess?); established relationship; soft swap hook-up; sensual smut; itsy bitsy angst (if you're checking with your opera glasses); GROWN summer vibes.

Summary: While visiting his alma mater for a class reunion, you and Yoongi stop by an intriguingly atmospheric bar for drinks with his erstwhile underclassman, Jimin. After Jimin and the beautiful bartender make a surprising revelation, you and Yoongi decide to help them close down for the night...and explore some uncharted territories.

Warnings: 18+ (minors, dni); warnings here are for the teaser, detailed warnings will be released with the full drabble; voyeurism; swinging; established couple with male and female identifying unicorns; massage; implied kissing; partial disrobing; mentions of alcohol and consuming alcohol

Author's Note: Happy Pride Month!!! 🏳‍🌈 Hopefully the rest of this will drop before the end of June. That's the plan, anyway. In case no one has told you today, you're loved and worthy of love. I hope you have the absolute BEST day.🧜💜

Teaser under the cut!

___________________________________________________________

"Why don't you let us enjoy her for a moment, Yoongi," Hwasa purrs in soft command as her hand on his shoulder gently pushes him down into Jimin's abandoned chair. Yoongi gives a strained hum of assent and swallows, his thoat bobbing as he stares at you, perched on the bar, and Jimin, who has slipped behind you, caressing and massaging your back. Hwasa pulls off your heels and places them on on the floor, then pushes herself between your legs, looking up at you with those delicious, dark, poison apple eyes. You want to lean down and taste her again, but she has other plans. She glides her hands over your thighs, long nails tracing tingly patterns over the black denim, and you shiver. Another peal of thunder rumbles, vibrating the thick, warm air.

"She smells good," Jimin remarks indulgently as you feel his profile ghost over your back through your gauzy blouse. Hwasa smiles.

"We want to take another shot, but we're aaaall out of glasses," she whispers as she presses herself against you, bringing her soft, ample chest to push into your abdomen. "Wanna help us out, gorgeous?" You feel your slick gush a little at the pet name, and at the prospect of what was to come. You nod. Hwasa shakes her head and taps your parted lips. "Words, gorgeous."

"Yes," you whisper shakily, earning a naughty chuckle from Jimin. As they help you turn to lay your body across the bar, you glance over at Yoongi, who hasn't moved an inch - pupils blown out, and hands twitching on his thighs as his stare tracks Hwasa's hands pushing your blouse up and under your breasts, tucking some of the fabric into the underwire of your bra. Her pretty hand traces lazily over your bare stomach as she prompts Jimin with one word.

"Rum."

-End teaser-

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zzzzzestforlife · 6 months

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Now Playing: 박수 by Seventeen

It's a multiple exclamation marks kind of day (in a good way!) So happy to be back to my (new) normal energy levels❗

Now Playing: I Love My Body by Hwasa

I genuinely get so excited to do my physio exercises every day! I feel so healthy and limber afterwards! 🤩

I tried my first glutes workout today! 🍑 Only made it halfway through, but from what I understand from reading and personal experience, that's just normal for strength training workouts because you're learning to engage new muscles, so I'll keep at it! 💪

I ate so much good food today!!! 😋 My eyes were hungrier than my body to be completely honest but I have no regrets! 😜

Now Playing: Typa Girl by Blackpink

Our internal testing session went pretty well! We only found a few bugs 🐞 so we should still be on track for our scheduled release! 🚝

I had to investigate a bug in an area I'm unfamiliar with, but I managed to figure it out in no time! 😎 And consequently felt like a god 😂

I volunteered to take over another bug from a colleague who needed help and learned a new way to write my own internal debug tools to solve it!! 😍

Now Playing: All Day (with Tablo) by RM

I found this YouTube channel that will "teach me Korean" 😛 through my favorite variety show!! 나는 열심이 공부할 것이다! (trans: I will study hard!) 👀

My minor obsession with researching Cognitive Behavioral Therapy even prior to becoming a psychology major is paying off because today I got to write a treatment plan all about it! 🔮👩‍⚕️

💌: You know the feeling of doing and seeing so much your brain is just stuffed and out of operating space that you just don't know what to say anymore? Yeah, that's me right now 😅 If you're somehow still reading this, you're a real one 🙏

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marblemoonstones · 7 months

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🩵 catharsis ~ chapter five

I apologize if there are any minor holes or grammatical errors. feedback is welcome, but please be respectful. :)

*any similarities to other fics are accidental*

Main Masterlist

Series Masterlist

bts ot7 x reader

collegestudentreader!au

*warnings: ❗️any characters in the story have nothing to do with their real life counterparts❗️f reader, reader with glasses, use of the word ‘damn’ (lol don’t know if that counts as a curse word, but I’ll still put it as a warning)

word count: ~ 3.6k

Now that Hoseok and I aren’t completely enemies, I notice that the boys are happier. I know they’re happy that we’re getting along, and I’ll admit that I’m also happier. I no longer feel super awkward around Hoseok, and he then tells me to call him ‘Hobi.’ A giant step, if I do say so myself.

The school year drags goes on, and I throw myself deep into piles of homework and semi-late nights. If I’m not doing homework, I lie on my bed and binge k-dramas, usually falling asleep while watching.

It’s another normal Wednesday, and I’m walking to class when I hear a voice call out behind me, “Y/n! Wait up!”

I turn and see Jungkook and…Taehyung? What’s he doing here? I thought that he had a shoot today. He is going to showcase his new line of clothes, which he calls ‘Reflection.’ I saw a couple of his sketches and they were gorgeous formal gowns.

I turn around.

“What’s up…Tae why are you here? I thought that you had a shoot today.”

“That’s…why…I’m…here…” Tae pants, tired from running.

“What TaeTae here is trying to say is that yes, there is a shoot today, and yes, we need you to model in it! Our model is sick, so our first thought was you!”

I’m shocked. Me? A model? I may not hate my appearance, but I’m still human and am insecure about being in front of a camera.

“Me? No way. You’re funny. I can’t model!”

“Why not? You’re gorgeous and perfect for the role.” Taehyung says, not panting anymore.

My cheeks flame, and I say quietly, “Girls with glasses can’t be models.”

I’ve seen many different models on ads and online, and while there is diversity and inclusion, I almost never see models with glasses. (author here-I agree with this and think that there should be more models with glasses. the only celeb that I can think of is actress anna cathcart. love her so much!!) I love my glasses, but sometimes I feel like there are so many stereotypes around people with glasses. I don’t feel comfortable with contacts, so I’ve embraced the beauty of wearing glasses.

After I say this, both boys frown at my answer.

“What do you mean?” Jungkook asks me.

“You know…there aren’t many models with glasses. I’m definitely not fit for this role. You should try to find someone else, like Hwasa.”

“But we want you, y/n. That’s why we’re here. Please won’t you come? If you absolutely don’t feel comfortable, no pressure. But we could use you.”

I hate making quick decisions, as I like to plan out the outcomes of each choice and then decide. I guess today’s a day for being spontaneous because I cave after seeing Jungkook and Taehyung’s puppy eyes.

“Okay, I’ll do it.”

They cheer.

“Yes! C’mon, let’s go!” They start walking to the car.

I follow behind them, my class forgotten. Oh well. Today was only a review day, and I can do it online later so it’ll be fine.

My brain starts racing, the thought of not being good enough crossing it often. I’ve never even modeled before! I have no clue what I’m doing.

I sit in the backseat, trying to calm my nerves. Eventually we reach a grand looking building with gorgeous pillars.

“Wow…it’s beautiful,” I marvel, staring at the vintage yet ornate detailing.

“Yeah it is…now we’ve got to go! We’re already behind schedule,” Taehyung urges.

Us three rush inside, where there’s a grand staircase and a ballroom to the right. Both are filled with people rushing around. Stylists, hair and makeup people, producers, etc. Taehyung is talking to a woman who looks professional and serious with a headset. She nods, and then gestures for me to follow her.

“Go with Sasha! She’s my assistant and she’ll take you to hair and makeup!”

I rush after Sasha, trying to keep up with her long strides. There’s a hair and makeup crew set up in a smaller room off into the corner.

Sasha pops her head in and says, “Here’s the new model. Same look as planned and make it quick.” She then spins on her heel and walks away.

The stylists put me in a chair and have me take my glasses off. There are expensive makeup palettes and high-end hair products everywhere. They make quick work of me, and I try to stay as still as possible. My hair is being curled and put up in a half-up style.

Finally, they tell me to put my glasses back on. I do, and am stunned by how I look. Deep red eyeshadow with a hint of gold sparkle and matching lip make me look sophisticated and my glasses showcase the eye makeup. My hair is bouncy from the curls and they put it into a simple half-up style with a small gold clip and pieces of my hair framing my face. I have never felt more beautiful.

“Wow, thank you. You all did such an amazing job!” I repeat over and over to them.

They all smile sheepishly and wave it off, saying “It’s our job!”

Sasha comes back, and nods her approval, then rushes me off to wardrobe. The wardrobe woman put me in a stunning wine-colored dress that’s off the shoulder and has drapes of fabric around my shoulders. The waist has subtle gold detailing, and the skirt is full and loose around my gold heels (think ballgown). Gloves that match hit me slightly above the elbow, and I feel like a princess. I cannot believe that Taehyung designed this.

Sasha comes yet again, but this time we’re going to start the shoot. As she leads me out to the grand staircase, I see Tae with a worried look on his face. But, as soon as he sees me, it melts into an awestruck smile.

“Y/n…you look absolutely perfect. That dress was made for you!”

“I can’t believe you designed this Tae, it’s so beautiful,” I say, smoothing my skirt down, looking at the glamorous design.

“It’s not the design but the person wearing it,” Taehyung says, still looking at me.

“Hate to break this up, but we need to get started. Let’s get some solo shots before we include Jungkook,” Sasha interrupts.

Jungkook? What’s he doing? Is he a model too?

“Okay, y/n, go up to the staircase and place your hand on it and gaze out into the distance,” Taehyung orders, switching to full on director mode.

I do as he says, and try not to feel awkward as there are so many people watching and making adjustments to the hot lights and my dress.

“Perfect…” says the photographer, taking many photos.

“Great, now walk slowly down with your hand still on the railing and look slightly above my head with that same gaze.”

I try to do as Tae says, but he shakes his head at me. “You’re too stiff, loosen up a bit. Go up and try again.”

I do, trying not to feel like he’s disappointed in me. After multiple tries, me getting frustrated every time we have to start over, we finally get the shots that Taehyung wants.

After what seems like forever, we move on to the next style. I change into a black ballgown with capped sleeves and more long elbow length gloves and real diamonds on the skirt. My makeup is changed to a subtle smoky eye and bright red lip. Hair now upswept in a chignon, a detailed diamond headpiece rests heavily on my head. I feel like a Hollywood starlet.

“Okay! After Jungkook’s ready, we’ll start.”

I learned that Jungkook is going to be a model with me, as we’re going to do ‘romantic partner shots,’ which is what Sasha calls it.

I wait impatiently, the black heels hurting my feet and my head heavy with diamonds. It’s also late afternoon now, and I just want to change and go eat.

Jungkook finally shows, dressed in a classic tuxedo. I’ll admit, he looks like a fairytale prince.

“Let’s go over the windows and get some shots with the sun streaming in,” Taehyung instructs.

He then positions us in a class ‘romantic looking into each other’s eyes’ pose, with Kook’s left arm around my waist and my left hand holding the dress out slightly.

(ignore this horrible drawing. I only did it because I’m one who needs visual representation of what everything looks like and thought some people might need a pic lol)

I gulp as I stare into Jungkook’s big doe eyes. He’s so damn handsome, and I don’t feel that I deserve to be next to him.

He winks at me, and I swear I turn into a tomato. But, we have to continue holding our gaze until finally, Taehyung says we can move on.

The next pose is where Jungkook dips me. I’ll admit, this one is really fun to do. We have to do it may times, and each time I find myself falling harder into Jungkook’s eyes.

Taehyung says that he has one more idea and turns on instrumental music.

“Okay, for this last one I want you guys to waltz to the music. This will create more candid shots, so let’s start!”

Great. There’s only one problem with that.

“Jungkook,” I hiss under my breath, “I have no clue how to waltz.”

“I thought you were a dancer?” He asks me in a whisper.

“I do contemporary dance! Not ballroom dancing.” I laugh nervously, wondering how we’re going to pull this off.

“Just follow my lead,” Jungkook says, starting to step with me slowly.

I do as he says, and after stepping on his toes a couple times we fall into a rhythm. Soon the music fades away and all I can focus on is Jungkook. His handsome features, kind nature, soft smile…oh no. I like Jungkook.

And then I stumble.

“Y/n! Are you okay?” Jungkook asks me worriedly, and I just nod, too dazed with my feelings to respond in words.

“Are you sure?” Tae asks me as well, concerned look on his face.

“I’m fine guys, really,” I assure them.

“Okay, well we got all the shots that we needed, so you’re both free to leave! I have to stay here for a while, though,” Taehyung says, still in director mode.

“Don’t be so serious Tae! But you’d better come home before midnight because otherwise Joon-hyung will be mad at you,” Jungkook says, going to kiss Taheyung’s cheek.

“Okay okay Kook. I’ll probably be back by seven tonight, so don’t worry,” Taehyung laughs, going back to the person I know.

“Good. I love you,” Jungkook says, rubbing his nose against Tae’s.

“Love you too my little bunny,” Taehyung teases.

“Hey! I told you not to call me that!”

Jungkook and I change and I take off the heavy makeup, then we head home. I run my fingers through my hair, happy to have it loose and free again instead.

But as I get into the passenger seat, I can feel myself getting irritated with my feelings. God y/n, why do you like someone who’s taken? How do you get yourself into these situations?

“Hey y/n, you ok?” Jungkook’s voice brings me out of my thoughts.

“Oh! Yeah I’m fine, I’m just tired from the shoot,” I say, only half-lying.

“Yeah, the first couple shoots are pretty exhausting, but you did great for someone who’s never modeled before!” Jungkook praises.

I feel myself blush again. Why do I always blush at the most simple compliments? Oh wait, it’s because I like Jungkook.

“Thanks Kook,” I say, trying to not feel the sweat coursing through my body.

“Joon asked us if we could pick up pizza, so I placed the order while we were at the shoot,” Jungkook explains as we start going a different route.

“Just how many pizzas did you order?” I ask, knowing that their appetites are huge.

“Seven.”

“Seven?” I ask, surprised. But I shouldn’t be, because I know that the boys could probably each eat their own pizza.

“Yeah, Tae won’t eat with us so everyone gets their own!” Jungkook cheers as we pull into the pizza place.

“I’m not even sure that I can eat a whole pizza,” I admit, thinking of the greasy slices.

“It’s okay, leftovers!” Jungkook exclaims.

“Okay leftovers boy, let’s go,” I say, laughing at his enthusiasm.

We step into the pizza place and the smell immediately makes my stomach growl. Jungkook goes to the counter and says that he has a pick-up order, and after a minute seven fresh boxes come out. I carry three and Kook carries four.

We stack the boxes in my lap, and I can barely see over them.

“We’re almost there y/n,” Jungkook says, chuckling at my wide-eyed expression.

After a little bit we reach home.

Jungkook parks then opens my door for me, taking all of the pizza boxes.

I try to take some back but he waves me off, saying “You held them all the way home!”

Stepping through the garage door I yell out, “Pizza!”

Namjoon immediately puts down his laptop on the coffee table and comes to help us. We set up the boxes on the counter.

Yoongi slowly appears from the studio with Jin and Hobi comes out of the dance studio.

“Where’s Jimin?” I ask, noticing that he’s the only one missing.

“He’s upstairs I think,” Jin responds.

“I’ll go get him,” I say, starting up the stairs.

“Thanks y/n!” Joon calls.

I go straight to Jimin’s room, thinking that he’s taking a nap.

“Jimin it’s time for-“

I freeze as I open the door. There, standing without a shirt on is Jimin. He has sweats on that dip dangerously low and his abs are gorgeous. He looks like an angel.

“Time for what, y/n?” Jimin asks, his voice slightly lower than normal.

“Um…time….for…” I trail off, averting my eyes. I’m turning red for the second time in one day. First Jungkook now Jimin!

“Like what you see?” Jimin asks with a smirk.

An angel? No, he’s a devil.

“No…” I stammer out, trying to burn the image out of my mind.

In the end, I just turn around abruptly and say in the way out, “Dinner’s ready! And please put on a shirt…”

The last part makes him laugh as I shut the door behind me. I groan silently and put my hands on my head. This is not what I needed. Jungkook in a tux and Jimin shirtless is a double threat of hotness.

Damn it.

I also like Jimin.

I can’t like both of them! This is a problem. I can’t like boys that have boyfriends! And I don’t even think that they like girls! Wait, Hwasa said that they did. Does that mean they all do? But I can’t like them! They’re strictly off limits!

Too many questions run through my brain and somewhere in there I make a mental note to text Hwasa later and see what she says.

I walk downstairs and bring myself to focus on the meal. Jimin’s abs-no, pizza.

We sit down with our pizzas and Jimin comes sauntering down a minute later, now wearing a shirt. I just stare at my pizza slice.

“Hey everyone!” He says, looking straight at me, a small smirk still on his face.

“Hi Jiminie!”

“Hey Chim.”

“Come sit down!”

He sits and we all dig in. The boys chat about their day and we eventually get to the topic of the photoshoot today.

“Yeah, you guys should’ve seen y/n! She was such a pro even though it was her first time,” Jungkook gushes.

“That’s impressive y/n,” Yoongi says quietly amid the other compliments.

I smile and thank them.

“The dresses were so stunning. I can’t believe that Taehyung designed them,” I say, trying to divert the conversation to something else.

“Yeah, that’s our Tae. He’s always had such an eye for art. Just like Joon over here,” Hobi says, “Joon loves to go to museums for hours in the afternoon.”

“Really? That’s cool. Who’s your favorite artist?” I ask Namjoon, surprised at hearing this.

“One of my favorites is J.M.W. Turner. His art is so beautiful and serene to look at. But I also like any kind of art, including music, fashion, etc.” Namjoon explains.

“Jin’s a cook, Yoongi’s a music producer, Jiminie and Hobi are dancers, Tae’s a fashion designer, and Kook is a cinematography major. You really found the right people!” I exclaim, thinking about how all of their careers are artistic, except maybe Namjoon’s. But, I think that teaching is also an art in its own way.

“I really did. I’m so lucky to have found them and-“

“Why am I the only one who doesn’t have a nickname?” Yoongi interrupts with a frown.

Jimin laughs at Yoongi, saying “I thought you didn’t like nicknames hyung!”

“Well…if i’m the only one without one I feel left out!” Yoongi complains.

I smile at his pout and decide to think of a nickname.

“What if I call you Yoodles?” I ask.

“Like noodles?” Jungkook asks, chortling.

“Yoodles is cute!” I argue defensively.

“Okay, Yoodles it is,” Jin says, trying to break up the giggles and arguing currently going on.

“You’re the only one allowed to call me that, y/n,” Yoongi states, ignoring the boys’ “Hey!” “Why?” and “Not fair!”

“Sounds good Yoodles.” I try it out and see a gummy smile appear on Yoongi’s face.

“Aww, y/n you made him smile!” Jimin teases, then sees Yoongi’s smile turn into a glare at him.

“Now you made him mad!” I shake my head in fake disappointment.

“Yeah Jimin, you made me mad,” Yoongi pouts cutely.

“Alright guys, that’s enough. Just eat your pizza!” Jin complains again, although he’s looking fondly at the boys.

They comply and finish their whole pizzas. Meanwhile, I can only eat about six pieces before I feel stuffed.

“Hey y/n, are you going to eat the rest of your pizza?” Namjoon asks me sheepishly.

“No, want my last two pieces?” I ask, giving the two slices to the beaming man.

“Thanks y/n!” His dimple pops out when he thanks me.

After doing the dishes we pile into the living room to watch a movie. Tae is home by now, tired but happy.

Jungkook wanted to do a movie marathon, but then remembered that everyone has work/school the next day.

Arguing over a movie takes a couple minutes, until we spin a wheel to determine who gets to choose. Jin wins so we watch Frozen.

I look to where to sit, trying to avoid Jungkook and Jimin at any costs. The only spot that’s open is…in between Jungkook and Jimin. They must have planned this. Damn it.

I reluctantly sink into the seat between them, trying to ignore their gazes. The movie starts, and the song at the beginning comes on.

Everything is fine for a bit, and I find myself slowly relaxing more into the cushions. Until ‘Do You Want to Build A Snowman?’ comes on.

Jungkook suddenly leans down and starts singing the song slowly into my ear. His angelic voice is mesmerizing and I try not to shiver. I accidentally meet his gaze and my eyes widen at the look in his. Those beautiful eyes know what they’re doing. After the song he turns his attention back to the movie, satisfied with his attempt to fluster me.

I also turn my attention back to the movie, trying to cool down from that encounter. It only semi-works because next thing I know, Jimin lays his head down on my left shoulder. His pink hair is fluffy and I can see his perfect skin shine. I swallow as Jimin starts to close his eyes, seemingly falling asleep. Great. Now I have an angel on my shoulder and the devil to my right. I stay stiff throughout the rest of the movie because of Jimin.

After the movie finishes, the boys start to head up to bed. Jin is the first to leave, barely sparing anyone a glance as he heads upstairs. Yoongi gives me an amused smile at my situation and I roll my eyes as he too gets up. Hobi and Taehyung go together and soon it’s just me, Jungkook, Namjoon, and a sleeping Jimin.

“Y/n, let me get Chim off of you so you can go sleep,” Namjoon says tiredly, looking at the bubblegum-haired boy on my shoulder.

“Or you could just sleep down here and not wake up Jiminie,” Jungkook suggests sneakily.

“Jungkook, you are not going to make y/n sleep down here on the couch when she has class tomorrow,” Namjoon says as sternly as he can.

“But hyung, Jimin looks so comfortable!” Jungkook whines.

I contemplate my choices. Go up to my nice bed or stay down here with Chim. I guess one night wouldn’t hurt, and Jimin looks so peaceful on my shoulder.

“I guess I can stay here tonight…” I say, eyes averted to the floor.

“Y/n, you don’t have to do that. Really. It’s okay.” Namjoon is protesting but I can see the exhaustion in his eyes.

“It’s okay Joon, just go up to bed. I’ll lay down here with Jimin and it’ll be fine for one night. Go to sleep. You have class tomorrow,” I urge Namjoon, happy to see him comply and shuffle up to bed.

“Goodnight y/n. Sleep well,” Jungkook says as he leaves, turning off the light.

The moonlight seeps in through the curtains and I gaze at Jimin’s serene face. I sigh softly, then gently maneuver us so that we’re both lying on the couch. Jimin stays asleep and before I close my eyes, I can’t resist giving a soft kiss to his forehead.

Goodnight Jimin.

hey y’all, updates are probably going to be slow because I am so busy right now!! I mostly write on the weekends. much love and hope you enjoyed reading! 🫶🏼🩷

#bts #bts ot7 #bts ot7 x reader #bts college au #college!au #ot7 bts #btsot7 #marblemoonstones

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