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ceruleanchillin · 3 years

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When You're At The Function F***in It UP And Your Man Walks In (Mayans)

Warnings: Implied sexual content, language, fighting

Characters: Angel, Coco, & EZ

You’re on thin ice as it is sis. The little forest-green dress with the the deep plunge front and slit sides, the one that ended up purchased after your friends hyped you into it. That’s supposed to be in the trash according to one Angel Reyes. That, or reserved for private nights in.

Currently, it was wrapped around your form, helping you grab envious/admiring glances from around the room.

Your hips twisted to the layered bass, using the random behind you for stability. Your friend next to you cheered you on, her inner hype man on full display. There’s a breakdown in the song, and you lose yourself in the rhythm. Suddenly, you hear a familiar voice telling you “Superstar mama, say hi for the gram!”.

Your eyes zone in on Gilly, eyes wide. Everyone knew the Mayans rolled deep when they went anywhere. Where there was one, there was the rest. Especially when it came to the three musketeers and their wrangler, EZ.

Like you were busted sneaking back into your room as a teen, you froze. You narrowed your eyes at your friend who shrugged and mouthed sorry before disappearing.

“Gilly fuck off!” You hissed, moving away from the random. Your eyes scanning the crowded den.

Gilly laughed, tucking his phone into his kutte. “Ayy, don’t get mad at me,” he fluttered his eyelashes and fake coughed into his hand. “I don’t feel so good baby, I’m just gonna stay in tonight.”

You narrowed your eyes at his high-pitched mimicry of your last conversation with Angel.

He wasn’t even supposed to be there. Your friend swore she nixed all Mayan related invites, just for that night, on your behalf. All you wanted was to be able to turn up like you did pre-relationship. Normally you could at clubhouse parties since Angel trusted everyone there with his life. Any party outside of that was a gamble, and Angel could referee like he got a check for it.

Your eyes finally met said man’s across the party and a chill and went down your spine. Angel was propped against the wall across the way, eyes on you.

The rest of party fell away as you made your way over to him, schooling your features into your ‘what did I do daddy?’ pout.

“Nah, don’t come over with that lip poking now.” He shook his head, speaking when you were in range of him.

“And what are you doing wearing this fucking pillowcase out here? What did we talk about?” He pinched the thin strings of your dress.

“Nooo, don’t be mad. I was walking through my closet and it fell on me. Besides, you liked it when I modeled it for you.”

Angel scoffed, refusing to even entertain your comments. Coco chuckled from his spot next to his friend as he lit a cigarette.

“I thought you had club shit, I didn’t even know you’d be here.” You cringed as soon as the words left your lips, the shots you’d taken earlier still putting in work.

“I didn’t know you’d be here either. I thought you were sick. There’s some soup in the car that thought it was getting dropped off. Apparently wrong thoughts is the theme of the night.”

Petty by Angel Reyes.

“Soup? Baby, that’s so sweet.” You tried to pet his cheeks, but he was keeping you at bay.

“You aren’t even sick! Imma give that shit to Gilly.”

“Nooo.” You whined again, still trying to get him to let you touch him in some way.

“Get that bitch you were dancing with to buy you soup.” It was his turn to pout, but there was fire in his eyes as he tracked the guy you’d been dancing with. “It’s all he’s gonna be able to fucking eat in a minute anyways.”

“Sorry I blew up your spot ma, I just wanted to see my plug and get out.” Coco opened the palm of his hand not holding the cigarette and revealed a small bag of weed.

Angel snapped his head towards him, expression incredulous. “Don’t apologize to her, she lied to her man! She gave some puto hope! Get on code!”

“I love you hermano, but this is your guard dog-ass fault.” He pointedly ignored his friend’s heated glare as a girl in the doorway caught his interest, slipping away when she positively returned his gaze.

Angel’s attention was claimed by you once again when you pulled his head down towards you. You smothered his cheeks in kisses, to which he was physically unresponsive.

“I don’t know if I want you kissing on me querida.”

You rolled your eyes. Petty or not, everyone knew Angel’s life force depleted the longer he went without touching you. Even in your tipsy state you could see his fingers literally twitched with the need to take their rightful place on your hips.

“I just wanted to dance like I used to, and you don’t dance. Then you beat down guys who want to. You left me no choice, so let me have kisses.” You locked your arms around his waist, successfully avoiding his half-hearted attempts to push you away.

He scrunched up his face. “How the fuck am I catching strays in this situation? I’m the victim!”

“I’ll make it up to you later if you stop being a hatin’ wallflower and let me grind on you.” Your hips found the rhythm of the slow wind song thumping through the room.

His hands encircled your throat, drawing you closer to his person. Your pupils blew at his darkened expression, your lower half squirming with interest. He pressed his lips to yours, and the party faded to nothing again. His fingers flexed around your throat before closing just enough for him to draw the subtlest gasp from you. He felt it more than heard it over the noise, but it was enough.

He pulled away, licking his lips as you tried to remember where you were and if sin always tasted so good.

“You’ll make it up to me right now in the traitor’s car.” he held up keys you recognized to be Coco’s.

You started to protest on principle, but your body was going through withdrawals from a lite touch (for Angel). He could see the wheels turning, but you were letting him lead you out of the room, palm openly covering your ass.

“Who are you texting?” You asked, more annoyed with how his hands were no longer possessively roaming your body than a real answer.

He quickly pocketed his phone and returned his hands to you. “No one baby.” definitely not telling his boys via group chat to handle the random for him. “Stop worrying about anything other than how you’re gonna get around at work tomorrow.”

--------

It was bad enough you couldn’t make it to New Orleans due to work, and Old Lady “responsibilities”, but this petty fight you were in with Coco was the kicker. You couldn’t even remember how it started, but it escalated back and forth until you weren’t speaking and were back staying at your apartment.

Poor Letty had been reduced to messenger girl, especially now that she had a car. A tug of war with your point being “she was my girl first, that’s how we met” and his point being “she’s my kid, blood first ma” had broken out. You didn’t know what was going to wear through its welcome first, your lack of Coco, or Letty’s patience, but they were competing. It wasn’t like Coco was doing any better if your daily updates from Letty were any indication. He was impatient, tense, chain smoking, and was getting closer and closer to going through with the apology call he was openly fighting.

It wouldn’t be long before you were back to getting your back arched out of shape if that was anything to go by. Not a moment too soon if your own miserable habits were anything to go by. You wanted to use the party to distract yourself, hoping Coco would break first the following day. If not, it was sure to be you.

You spent the whole day throwing your frustrations into decorating your best friend’s backyard. It looked like the French Quarter threw up its best years, but it was the perfect backdrop to lose yourself to some bounce music.

Normally, you could goad Coco into being your twerking post, and that resistance (plus his turned on bi-lingual hypeman compliments in your ear) was everything missing at the moment.

You pouted and weaved your way out of the crowd to your friend who was busy playing good hostess.

“Ah ah, no whining. If you wanna really make it Mardi Gras, shake your ass on a dude.”

You narrowed your eyes, annoyed she shut down and solved your problem before you could whine about it. “Coco hates that shit! Plus he’s spoiled me, it won’t even be the same.”

“Coco isn’t here, and it doesn’t have to be the same, it just has to do.” She turned away from where she’d filled two shot glasses for the two of you. “Besides, we both know your ass is gonna be all in his neck crying about how you miss him tomorrow. Do your thing before you go out sad.”

She clinked shot glasses with you, pleased at her accurate assessment and your sourpuss face.

“Fuck you.” You laughed, voice rough from the burn of the shot.

“Save that for Coco.” She smacked your ass, draped one of the many beaded necklaces hanging off her shoulder around your neck, and sent you on your way back to the crowd of writhing bodies.

It was nothing to find dudes to grind on, and you fell into the synergy. You couldn’t count how many fast paced songs you’d thrown it back to, or how many guys you’d danced with. The stack of beads you’d acquired gave some idea though.

Meanwhile, Coco’s skin was alive with the kind of anger he felt. He’d been seriously contemplating coming to your place and forcing out admissions of how his life wasn’t right without you in it. He couldn’t remember who or what started it, but it didn’t even matter when your scent was starting to fade from his pillow, and his touch starvation was acting up.

All of that went careening out the window when he stumbled upon a pouty Letty, huffing and sucking her teeth at her phone. Turns out you, and “everyone in the goddamn world but me” according to Letty, were at your friend’s blowout Mardi Gras party. Coco knew it was your favorite holiday, but it was news to him that you had any plans since you couldn’t officially go this year. News he didn’t welcome at all, since all of the videos he saw you in you were throwing (his) your ass on multiple dudes. Did you think he wouldn’t fight everyone???

He was already on his bike before he’d even registered leaving the house. He sent a quick summoning call in his boy’s group chat, your friend’s address the destination.

The party was louder and wilder than the videos let on. He’d already spotted his boys by their kuttes, mingling in their respective ways, but didn’t seek them out. They’d find him if he needed them to. Coco on the other hand, needed to find you.

His eagle eyes picked apart the crowd until he spotted you twisting yourself to the rhythm. Coco didn’t know whether to shoot the asshole behind you, or take you away to deal with the feelings you were bringing out of him.

You knew he loved when you brought the South to the West Coast with your hips and ass.

He charged into your space, his hands immediately going for the guy’s arm and snatching him towards him.

“Make a choice cabrón. Get the fuck out, or be an expensive bill and sad memory for your moms by morning.” He pressed his kutte to his person, emphasizing that he was strapped.

The guy raised his palms and quickly exited the scene. Unwilling to test what clearly was a warning that Coco would happily make good on.

You tugged on him, trying to get him to move away from the crowd. Scanning those around you to see who saw or heard, you noticed more than you would’ve liked. They wouldn’t make a fuss, noting his kutte, but still.

“Stop it. What are you even doing here?” You hissed, tugging his arm harshly for his attention.

He turned his gaze, wild with adrenaline and arrogance at his victory, on you. “You should’ve stopped yourself before throwing it back on random fuckers for the internet. This is on you.”

“No, this is on you. If you hadn’t done what you did or said what you said…”. You trailed off remembering that you couldn’t recall what had happened, just the frustration.

“What did I say or do (y/n)?” He noted your visible annoyance that he’d chosen to use your real name instead of a pet name, and with a smirk, he walked you backwards until your back gently hit the fence.

Between not recalling what started the fight, and your man looking amazing, you settled on a pathetic. “You remember.”

“No I don’t, and neither do you.” that familiar prickle of intensity sparked between the two of you.

Everything between you and Coco felt like a live wire dancing back and forth. High energy moments usually ended in either great sex, or separation (sometimes by the force of your friends) to let things cool down.

“I know you��re gonna catch a case if you keep moving like that Johnny. Is that what you want?”

“Nah mujer, that ain’t what I want. I want you home where you belong, but you’re out here playing me instead.” Slender fingers tugged sharply at a few of the beaded necklaces in your stack.

You sucked your teeth and turned your head, ignoring the warm cheeks and butterflies in your stomach at his on-brand admission of missing you.

He placed a hand on the fence next to your head, grasping your chin to turn your attention back to him.

“You’re being a drama queen. I thought I was talking to Angel for a second.”

He threw his head back as laughed, and you got an almost overwhelming urge to kiss him. Or at least bury your fingers in his soft curls, they were begging for it at this po-

“Fuck that, he’s still got me beat. Wait til you see the tantrum he’s saving for you for not getting invited tonight.”

“He was, I just told her to can it because of you. He should be mad at you.” You pouted, but your tone was teasing.

“I could put in a good word for you…you know, if you’re done being petty.” He leaned in, running his lips over the shell of your ear.

“Or I could just offer to throw it back on him to make him forget.”

It was your turn to laugh when Coco tensed, and pulled back from where he’d been teasing you with light touches. You didn’t love him no longer touching you, but faltering him made it almost worth it.

“Or you could take me home and we could both forget…” you clutched at his kutte, leaning into him.

He pulled your hands away by your wrists, his thumbs rubbing over your pulse points.

“Nah, if dancing is this fucking important to you, come on then.” He pulled you after him.

“Cocooo,” you whined, more interested in getting him to touch you again. “Take me home already.”

“My lady wants to dance.” He sat on the outdoor wicker couch and patted his lap. “So dance.”

You stood there in confusion for a second, before what he meant became clear. “I’m not doing that here!”

“You didn’t have an issue earlier, move those hips ma.” He looked between you and his lap again.

Could’ve been the way he was biting his lip, or the laid back way he rested against the couch, but that coupled with lack of access to him, had affirmative words running through your mind.

You playfully rolled your eyes, faking like his request was that expensive. “Only because I want to get you home, and I know you’ll never quit whining if I don’t.”

You slipped onto his lap, the action already drawing attention from partygoers just for the potential of what was to come.

He grasped your hips to still you before you started to move, his palm pressing you back to him by your throat. “And don’t half-ass it yeah…or I might do the same when I get you home.”

--------

It wasn’t until Creeper hit his shoulder and informed him of how hard he was smiling that EZ realized his cheeks ached. He couldn’t help it, he loved watching you dance more than anything.

As soon as you heard a melody you liked, you came alive to it, and stole everyone’s attention. You could find the beat on anything.

That wasn’t his sole reason for cheesing so hard though. Tonight had been the first night you brought your closest friends around the club, and he knew it took great trust in him, his brothers, and your relationship to do that. Your family was on the East Coast, so your friends filled that role for you. Coupled with EZ, they were your world and he thanked you everyday for letting him in.

“Gonna stop calling you boy scout if you keep enjoying the show this much.” Creeper took the seat across from him, half blocking his view.

“Oh you didn’t know how EZ gets down?” Angel’s lips formed that mischievous grin, his eyes taking on the same glint. “You should’ve seen him begging me for tales from Angel’s crib.”

“She and her girls look good out there. Might be too much for you junior.”

EZ rolled his eyes at the ribbing from his brothers, his grin still intact. “At some point I’m gonna be patched, I’m happy to make a cage date for that day. Pretty sure I can take both of you.

Creeper and Angel exchanged exaggerated incredulous expressions.

“See what happens when you go easy on the help?” Angel scoffed. “You sound like you’re hurtin’ for work prospect.”

“Could use some more water.” Creeper shook his water bottle at him, just barely missing splashing him.

EZ rose from his seat, empty beer bottle in hand. “Just remember that day is coming.”

Angel and Creeper laughed raucously at that.

“Don’t get your ass beat in front of your woman lil bro!”

EZ shook his head, choosing to ignore his dumbass older brother. and tossed his bottle in the trash. Slipping through the moving bodies until he was near you, he gently patted your friend who nodded and stepped from behind you.

You jumped, surprised at his sudden appearance, but settled back against him.

“Hey baby.” You gently encouraged him to follow the sway of your hips as he placed his head on your shoulder.

“Hey. I’m back on the slave clock, you want anything?”

You turned to him, his arms instinctively encircling your waist. “Hard tea please.”

“I gotta go to the trailer for that, and get the variety hour table over there a drink. I’ll try to be quick.”

“Don’t rush, but remember, you owe me a dance.” You cupped his cheeks and pressed a kiss to his lips.

He grinned goofily, his attention solely yours until he felt your girls draping themselves over him.

“Can you get us some too Zeke? Thanks.” “Preciate it Z.”

You giggled pushing them off him, but you knew he didn’t mind. You guys were a package deal and he’d take whatever you came with. At least their requests came with pleasantries.

“Sure ladies, not a problem. Don’t let anyone take her while I’m gone.”

They laughed, giving affirmative replies while you rolled your eyes pushed him towards the side door.

Once he began his drink fulfillment quest, it was like every brother wanted something from him. It was a full house that night and he should’ve known once he was no longer under Angel’s break protection, he was back to errand boy status.

Every task he completed was met with teasing about how his rushed pace clearly pointed to him wanting to get back to you. He didn’t argue the fact, just moved faster every time you were mentioned.

Finally, he was able to to focus on your request when he stopped being flagged down.

He was heading to the trailer when one of your friends stopped him.

“One of the other charter’s guys is annoying our girl. She doesn’t wanna make a fuss cause’..you know.” She gestured to his vest to signify his prospect status. “But I know she’s not feeling it.”

He could feel the the muscles in his jaw flex in anger, feet carrying him across the crowded yard. People moved before he could plow through them, which was just as well, because he wasn’t fully in control at that point, and didn’t think he could slow down enough to sidestep them.

The clubhouse had filled considerably since his absence. He scanned the room for you, finding you in a crowd of moving bodies. Your friend was right, you had a good poker face, but your man knew you.

He didn’t waste time physically separating you from the Yuma patch member. He gently put you behind his person, feeling your small hands press against his back through his vest.

“I’m good baby. He agreed this was the last dance.” Your voice belied your annoyance despite your words.

“I’m guessing he said that more than once.”

“I don’t mind, I know clu-“

Yuma interrupted you. “See, she doesn’t mind. Go find something to do with yourself prospect.”

“I’ve got a project in mind.” EZ pushed you back a little more to give himself room to work with.

“Be smart bare vest.” Yuma smirked, his eyes saying how much he’d love for EZ to make the mistake he was thinking about.

In the span of the next few seconds, Yuma’s vest and shirt was covered in beer and Coco had appeared at the same time. If the obvious way he was holding the bottle didn’t give away he did it on purpose, his dry “my bad” and shrug did.

Yuma swung on Coco who anticipated it and dodged it, before firing back with a successful punch of his own. A sea of Mayans of mixed charter filled the space and EZ quickly pushed you behind the bar before he lost you in the shuffle.

Understanding what Coco had done, he got in the middle to give the Yuma patch what he’d been asking for while he was covered by the chaos.

It didn’t last long before the presidents stepped in, but it didn’t have to. He was happy to take the few licks he’d received, because he was pretty sure he’d broken Yuma patch’s nose, and would get away with it.

His brother’s words against theirs, and the presidents didn’t feel the need to make it a drawn out issue. He pretended to have played bouncer instead of active participant, and it all ended with a basic chewing out.

His only thoughts were of you once his rage had subsided, and he could think clearly again. Had he scared off you and your friends? Embarrassed you?

He was happy to find that hadn’t. Your friends couldn’t help but fawn over him and how “perfect for you” he was. He especially enjoyed reveling in the jealousy of Coco, Angel, Gilly, and Creeper. Coco slightly less salty when he got praise for his efforts.

He got his admiration from you later when you patched him up in the trailer, soft voice telling him how sexy he looked to you, and how you appreciated him thinking of you in his position. You held his face and gently went over everything you could find, while he said on his makeshift bed content to let you.

He couldn’t stop grinning, the one that always got him mercilessly mocked because it was now associated with him thinking of you.

“Seriously EZ,” you dabbed at the final cut you hadn’t attended to. “Thank you.”

“I want you to feel safe with me, it’s only fair if you can accept all this shit.”

You grinned down at him, hair framing your face, and he had to remind himself to breathe at the sight. “I do, all the time.”

He cupped the side of your face, unwilling to fight the urge to kiss you any longer.

You laughed speaking between kisses. “I’m not done.”

“It’s ok, I’m good.” He chased your lips, unashamed to want you so badly.

“Ok,” you returned his kisses, your fingers dancing down the nape of his neck. “But I’d like to cash in that dance you owe me…you know, before we get too busy.”

He rose to full height, hands finding both of yours. “I can do that.”

AN:

I don’t speak Spanish, so if I made a mistake feel free to hop in my messages and let me know and how to fix it please. You’re more than welcome to.

1.) I remember seeing a meme vid about this years ago, and finding it hilarious. I could see this happening with these dudes and their personalities. That, and I just really wanted a lil southern culture in a Mayans drabble. 🤷🏾‍♀️

2.) I did a rewatch of the whole series (including the original), and I’m back on the obsession train. Just tryna to be happy before S4 kicks my shit in.

3.) I kept telling myself I wouldn’t end up writing for these fools and here I am in my Ringling Bros. best🤡.

#mayans mc #mayans imagine #angel reyes #angel reyes x reader #Coco Cruz #Coco Cruz x reader #ez reyes x reader #ez reyes #reader insert

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bisexual-horror-fan · 4 years

Note

Omg my favorite BIFF, my dude! My love! Please, may I request of thee some of your lovely Buddy/ Metal Killer just bonding with the reader after she was hired to replace Camilla, ya know, hatin' on those dang theater kids. Your ideas are always so wonderfully written out and I can't HANDLE it! Thanks, I love you 💙💜

TIIIIIINNNNNNAAAAAAAAA!

YES!

Of-fucking-course you can ask for THAT!

I would write anything for you, you know this, but writing Buddy Swanson, the sweet Metal Killer son? The boy YOU introduced me to?! Of course I will write him for you! (Gets a lil saucy at the end there but HI this is me we are talking about, it should be expected.)

Legit I love, love, LOVE this boy so much, thank you again for showing me to him, I had a BLAST writing this!

Thanks for asking this girl I hope you are FED with this!

Explicit. 2.8K, Buddy Swanson/Metal Killer X Reader. Warnings: Bad jokes, roasting theater kids, bonding, friendship, shameless Chris Fleming references, slight spoilers for the movie, cunnilingus, standing sex, risky sex, don’t get caught, creampie.

-----

Bonding Over Shared Hate.

-----

It was bullshit.

That is what Buddy thought when his sister, Camilla, got the lead in this summer's production of The Haunting Of The Opera. She came up all excited and before she could even get a word out he said without even looking at her,

“Congratulations.”

Then when he asked who was going to cover her shifts and she responded,

"You are."

Utter bullshit.

He knew his sister liked theater crap, liked it way, way more than he did, she always had, but still actually trying out for the show?

Of course she got the lead.

“The drama of it all”

-as he heard one kid said excitedly.

Ha they were right about that.

It was too perfect.

The daughter of the original lead actress who was murdered on opening night being the new lead for the show’s revival? Too good to pass up. He knew she wanted to do it but it pissed him off, he felt they were just using her for who she was, not what she could actually do and there was the other frustrating thing as well, she was going to get in the way of his plans.

He was going to try and keep her out of it, as much as he hated theater kids and all their shit and how theater had literally ruined his life and tore his family apart he wasn’t about to break it up further by taking down Camillia if he could help it.

The current annoyance was still taking up most of his attention. Camillla could be so selfish sometimes, just expecting him to take all of the cooking shifts this summer?

Buddy loved to cook, he legitimately did, wanted to open a restaurant, get away from Center Stage and away from Roger and most importantly just away from theater all together.

But having to do all the work on his own? It fucking sucked.

He was putting on his apron in the kitchen, Camilla already run off, she wanted-

“To be early for her first read through!”

-she called as she bolted from the kitchen.

That first night he had to make dinner all on his own sucked, he was tired by the end of it. Theater kids were too fucking demanding, he had good recipes, good plans and he felt like they didn’t fucking appreciate him and all his hard work. It was early in the camp season this year but he heard it too many times already. If he had to listen to one more whiny, nasally ensemble member say-

“Does this have dairy? I CANNOT have dairy, I have a singing part.”

-he would fucking strangle them right there in the serving line.

He left late after all the dishes and clean up were done. He walked back to his cabin, looking up at the night sky thinking about how much extra this summer was going to suck. Spending even more time locked in the kitchen on his own, he thought about his future and how this was hopefully going to be his last fucking summer here and he could move on soon to better things.

He was very surprised when the next day he wasn’t alone in the kitchen. Roger was there, with you,

“Ah Buddy, there you are.”

“Roger.”

Buddy acknowledged as he tied up his apron as he looked to him,

“I know you’re mad about Camillia being in the play, she is going to be far too busy to help you out while she is focusing on the show so I got you some extra help.”

He introduced you and you gave a small wave before saying,

“Hello, good to meet you.”

Oh you were cute.

Maybe this summer wouldn’t be all bad.

Roger left you to it, Buddy had gotten you an apron and struck up conversation,

“So do you have any kitchen experience?”

“Not much unfortunately but I’ll work hard, promise.”

Good enough. Well more than good enough, he showed you around and went over the menu for that night and you did great, followed instruction well and conversation seemed to flow fine. The turning point was when you were bringing in trays to get washed, dropping them onto the counter next to the sinks with a loud sigh,

"God theater kids are disgusting! Bunch of animals I swear."

Mild interest in you turned to you having Buddy's full attention.

"Tell me about it. Been doing this for years, wait till you see the mess after opening night. The dinner before the show is bad enough but after their little 'cast party'? Now that is disgusting."

"They get really wild here, huh?"

You said it with a laugh and he shook his head,

"Yeah really wild."

The clean up flew by with you and him laughing and talking about how annoying they were. That is how your friendship started, cooking and cleaning and roasting theater kids and how dumb musicals were. You would share looks with him on the serving line over how ridiculous they were. Both then vocalizing your grievances when you were safely back in the kitchen. You were doing an over exaggerated impression of two particularly insufferable kids at lunch that day:

"Hey Gabrielle nice step ball change."

You said in a high nasally voice before taking a step to the side with a flourish before doing the other side of the interaction in a deeper voice,

"You too Gabrielle"

He laughed and shook his head, brown curls bouncing as he did,

"Can't stand those two! They need to stop practicing dance steps in line, get your food and get out."

You brought over another stack of trays as you said,

"Please. Buddy, trying to get a Gabrielle in the chorus line to stop dancing is like trying to get a fish to stop swimming."

"Fuck isn't that the truth."

The next day after another impromptu musical number mid-meal he was ranting to you as he got the mop bucket ready,

"Did she have to jump on the table like that? Almost broke the damn thing! Kicking those food trays everywhere."

"Seriously it looks like a crime scene out there."

You saying it made him think that he could make it look like a REAL crime scene out there, he pushed the thought aside and he continued on,

"She isn't even good! They never should have let her have such a big part in Brigadoon last year, now she thinks she is hot shit."

"Ugh was that last years show? Fucking Brigadoon? I hated doing that show."

That gave him pause.

"Wait, when YOU did Brigadoon? What do you mean?"

"Yeah, I did it like three years back, such a dumb show."

"You're a theater kid?"

"Reluctantly so. Why do you think I'm here? My parents sent me here as a camper."

Course Roger elected a camper instead of actually hiring someone outside of this.

"But you RIP apart this place with me, all the stupid people, costumes all this theater shit, why?"

You laughed, hard, it took a moment to catch your breath before responding,

"Buddy no one hates theater kids more than other theater kids."

That made almost too much sense. Of course someone who had to be around them 24/7, in shows with them, actually doing all the stupid acting and singing and quick changes would hate them the most.

"So if you hate this why are you here?"

"My parents don't care that I don't like it. Theater is in my family. They decided I'm simply 'too talented' to not pursue a career in theater."

"Bullshit again!"

The thought rang loud through his head and you continued speaking,

"I totally botched my audition on purpose so I wouldn't get any role. Didn't sign up for any backstage work, nothing. Soon as I heard that help was needed in the kitchen I jumped at the chance, it is a perfect excuse to not have to be involved in all their shit this year. Plus…"

You reached out and took his hand before finishing the your thought,

"I got to meet you."

You squeezed his hand once before letting go, he wished you wouldn't have, wished you would have hung on for just a little longer.

So change of plans.

You were so nice, so cool, and didn't want to be a part of this theater lifestyle, just like him. You were falling in love with cooking, he could tell, he thought if his sister wanted to dive head first into theater, if she didn't want to be apart of his dreams, maybe you would.

Another night, another big mess, tech rehearsal ran late so everyone was late for dinner which meant the food wasn't as hot, everyone complained about that, even though it was their fault they were late in the first place. And since they were all so late that meant you weren't able to clean up until much later than normal. Buddy had pulled put a truly awful bottle of cooking wine for you two to share. Both taking a break after clearing the tables and cleaning the dining room before starting in on the dishes.

"Fucking hate tech week.”

You sighed and he spoke up,

“So what stupid, annoying tongue twister did your family like?"

He asked before taking another drink from the bottle, he held it out and you laughed as you took it saying,

"Fuck that shit is tattooed on my brain."

You took a swig before sitting up straighter, you were sitting on the prep table, you brushed some hair out of your face and projected,

"What a to-do to die today, at a minute or two to two; a distinctly hard thing to say, but harder still to do."

You laughed again with him and you made an over exaggerated gagging sound before exclaiming,

"GOD! Fuckin' hate that shit!"

"I can tell! See you say your a good actor, but I dunno."

"What do you mean?"

You asked and he followed up,

"You smiled when you did it but it didn't reach your eyes."

"I didn't give dead eyes!"

He was mid sip when you said that, he laughed again and almost choked, he pulled the bottle back and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before repeating what you said mocking you,

"I didn't give dead eyes!"

You pushed him on the shoulder playfully as he said,

"Awe what? I thought you didn't care about being an actor?"

He teased and you said a little too loudly,

"I don't care!"

You said as you took the bottle back and he leaned on one hand on the table, closer to you as he says your name before following up,

"Doth protest too much."

The way he was looking at you with that smirk, you had gotten so much closer with him, he was just so sweet and cute, and talented in a way you weren't used to. Not talented in singing or dancing but in a more real way, everyone's needs to eat after all and you really liked how passionate he could be about food. You loved the banter and jokes between you two but right now you just wanted him to-

"Shut up."

You grabbed the collar or his shirt and pulled him in, kissing him for the first time.

He did shut up that night.

After that night you didn't just cook and clean and laugh and joke anymore.

I mean you still did all those things of course but then you also spent a lot of time much closer together. You both had gotten so good at working together, working so quickly and well, there was ample time between meals, between prepping and cooking to get closer together still.

You two weren't stupid though. You still know anyone could come into the kitchen at anytime. You didn't want to get caught so you both became very familiar with the walk in fridge.

Fuck he had such a good mouth, it had become commonplace between you and him, it was always so good, so fucking hot.

You pulled away with a shiver, rubbing your hands together as you whispered,

"It's always so fucking cold in here."

He had your back pressed to the shelves, soon as you broke the kiss he had his mouth on your neck, hands on your hips.

"Want me to warm you up?"

With what his mouth was doing right now you were already well on your way.

"How would you do that?"

He took your hands and brought them up, to the wire rack of the shelf above your head, he was looking into your eyes as he said firmly,

"Grip."

You had to listen.

Fingers curled around ice cold metal and he kissed your again, hard, heated before sliding down your body, hands dragging over your sides, eventually coming to rest under your thighs. He put your legs over his shoulders, you thanked God you wore a skirt today, underwear pushed out if the way and his mouth found you and oh fuck it was so warm.

He took his time, hands cradling your hips as he ate you out, so slowly. You throbbed and dripped and when you looked down you could see his face through the mess of brown curls to see his eyes closed, focusing on you, how you tasted, how your hips buckled when he sucked on your clit, how you tasted. Fuck he moaned when his tongue dragged up your whole slit, moaned like it was the best thing he ever tasted, the best meal possible.

You groaned his name, head tipping back, as good as it was you couldn't take much more. Soon you needed more than his mouth,

"Bud-dyyy, fuck, please?"

He gave another hard lick, tongue swirling over your clit, another suck before pulling back, kisses placed over your inner thighs, his breath was so hot in comparison to the cold air in the walk in fridge,��

"C'mon, I need you-"

"No patience. Lucky you're so cute."

He slid your legs off his shoulders, hands under your thighs as he stood up, his grip was so strong as he helped hold you up. He felt so fucking hard, you wanted him so badly, this had to be quick, it'd be lunch time soon.

Quick or not it was so good. It felt so dirty too, doing this in the walk in, in the middle of the day when you should have both been working. It was urgent, kisses passed back and fourth, hushed whispers of each others names, quiet moans, eventually the metal wire of the shelving was too cold. You let go of it, one hand buried in his curls, the other gripping his shirt over one shoulder, foreheads pressed together, your eyes closed, moaning his name.

"This is so bad. You're so bad."

He breathed to you and you laughed, it broke off at the end into a moan with a particularly hard thrust from him before you said,

"Wha-what can I sayyy? Fuck, I was raised in theater-"

Another moan shared between the two of you before he laughed and whispered,

"True. Can't hold it against you. Raised to be a little slut."

His head dipped down to bite the side of your neck making you cry out for him, it made you clench down too, he cursed and another few hard thrusts he filled you, legs wrapped tight around him, pulling him as close as possible as his orgasm triggered your own. One of his hands let go of your legs, gripping the shelf you had been hanging onto previously to stay upright, his knees going a little weak at how fucking good it felt to spill inside of you.

Kisses passed back and forth on your shared come down, his forehead pressed to yours again,

“You warm now?”

“Very.”

You whispered to him.

Serving lunch that day was very interesting. It was a bit hard to stay focused with his cum slipping out of you into your panties, the little smirk and looks he would give you didn’t help either.

“You alright?”

He whispered at one point, not looking at you as he switched out an empty tray for a full one, course you weren’t, he knew why you weren’t too, you refused to look at him, coy smile on your face as you said,

“Just fine. You make such a mess though Buddy, might need your help cleaning it up after lunch.”

“True. I am very messy.”

His hand on your hip under the counter, out of view of everyone else as he said,

“Suppose I can take responsibility for that.”

It was almost opening night. Everything was going to change after that. He hoped everything would work out. He knew you pretty well by now, he figured if you could make it through his plans for opening night then he knew you two could get through anything.

#BHF asks #BHF writing #Stage Fright 2014 #Buddy Swanson #Metal Killer #Buddy Swanson X reader #Metal Killer x reader #THIRST #smut #I #LOVED DOING THIS!#SO MUCH FUN #Also yes I am a BIG BIG BIG Christ Fleming stan #I cannot help it #can you tell that I am a theater kid?#cuz I am.#Tinalbion asks for the BEST shit STG

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 3 years

Text

MEAT EPILOGUE 5

Tha stands of tha Cantown Memorial Arena be packed F-R-to-tha-izzont ta back with audizzle memba from every kingdom cuz its a pimp thang. Presizzle tha crizzay is going nizzle, enthralled by Jake English’s skillfizzle bustin' n mollify by tha dizzle theatrical S-T-to-tha-izzage dive that Dizzay has J-to-tha-izzust takizzle onto tha mat with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. Dirk, 'n fact, hizzle unquestioningly eaten shit, better recognize. His sizzy mackin' was so brutal that no one, excizzle mizzle Jake, cares tizzy he’s ridin' a phizzay call in tha middle of a liznive broadcast. N no one shizzould, really. The broadcast hizzle bizzle go'n fo` T-H-R-to-tha-izzee hours already ya dig?

Dave takes a seat on the couch, rizzy 'n Karkat’s butt groove. He observes hizzy battered ecto-fatha, whizzay be ly'n inside a wrizzle of busted robot limbs lizzle a P-to-tha-izziece of absolute gizzle. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

DAVE: brizzay im hatin' you on tha tube and i gotta say

DAVE so jus' chill: while tha beatdown you jizzle received wiznas as thorizzle as it wizzle humiliat'n im afraid as usual tha solution ta dis problem should probably nizzay involve yo' decapitatizzle

DIZZLE: yizzle fuck'n drama queen

DIZZLE: Damn.

DIRK: Be you sure?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: jiznake just kickizzle yo' ass

DAVE: thats really all there be ta say on tha matta

DIRK: Bounce wit me. You’re probizzle right fo all my homies in the pen.

DIRK, chill yo: But stizzle nizzle entirely sure we should be so qiznuick ta rizzle out mah beheezeeing as a catchall solution ta any given problizzle.

DIRK: Death row 187 4 life. It really cizzle save us all a lizzot of trouble 'n tha fizzle. Especially me.

DIZNAVE: Tru. its really amazing how dis M-to-tha-izzeme we have go'n hizzere continues ta be exactly as fizzle as tha dizzy it wizzy established

DIRK: Isn’t it always though?

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: yeah

DIZNAVE in tha dogg pound: by tha wiznay

DAVE: hizzle DIZZID you git yo' ass kicked so biznad

DIZZAY: jake siznucks n hizzis raps are fuck'n awful

DAVE: pleaze tizzell me thiznis garbage show be as rigge' as it liznooks

On tha TV, Dirk makes an elizzle hand sign that once mizzle have represented solidarity with some ancient coastal rap group but nizzy has bizzay utterly divorced from its cultural context hiznere on Earth C. Tha camera pizzy away from hizzim n ova tha cizzy. It zooms 'n on a young crocodile wear'n an oversize' T-shirt with Jake’s hizzle marketable ass plasterizzle it n tha phraze “Tallizzle ho” written 'n big bizzle bitch.

DIRK: Dizzy, there’s such a weed-smokin' as showmanship.

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: I’m sure I don’t nee' ta explizzle dis ta you, of all thugz.

DAVE: ok coo' its fake just ballin' sizzure

DIRK: Sizzy.

DIRK ya dig? We really don’t like ta uze tizzy word.

DAVE: L-M-to-tha-izzao ok

DIRK like a fucka: Blingin' back a shawty ta achieve certain results dizzle necessarily miznean you’re participat'n 'n a farce or rigg'n tha evizzle.

DIZZIRK: We do this all tha time. We hizzold bizzle our thizzle, our tizzy feel'n, our fizzay potential. We disguize how much we know 'bout whizzle n whiznen, fo` many purposes. Ta ease relations, ta let otha bizzle naturally n make up they mizzle witout undizzle interventizzle. Ta wizzy fizzy tha rizzy moments ta show our hands, ta pick our battles.

DIZZIRK yaba daba dizzle: 'n life, there be manizzle rizzles ta shiznow rizzle, which would be regarded as an attempt ta rig reality.

DAVE: oof

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. mah dogg yizzle be full of some SIZZY today arent yizzy

DIRK: Absolutely.

DIRK: Subscribe, get yo issue. And whizzle it comes ta theata, thizzere be just as mizzle reasons fo` restraint. Ta bizzuild tension like old skool shit. Ta siznet tha stizzage. I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. Ta give tha thugz someone ta rizzoot against.

DAVE: be that W-H-to-tha-izzat yiznoure clockin' now

DIZZAY: mak'n thugz riznoot against you

DIZNIRK: What, by los'n a rizzy? Tru. No, dawg. Thiznat’s just standard pac'n stuff wizzy it comes ta battlecraft.

DIZZLE: no i M-to-tha-izzean by hold'n up tha whiznole fight by talk'n ta me

DAVE: i cizzan see you on tv

DAVE: theyre boo'n you dude

Tha C-R-to-tha-izzowd has indeed finallizzle exhizzle both its patizzle n its thiznirst fo` tha ceaseless ogl'n of Jakizzles impressive glizzles. Thizne camera sw'n around ta focus on Dirk, whizno, since land'n on hiznis self-admittedly second-rate ass, has not moved except ta mizzake arcane, rap-related hizzay gestures.

Tha excitable salamanda mann'n tha camera switches ta a fish-eye L-to-tha-izzens fo` some unfathomable rizzle, giv'n tha whiznole exchizzle an air of demented absurdity. Dirk’s sunglaszes distort n stretch ta dominate tha entizzle screen.

DIRK: Oh.

DIZZY: Drop it like its hot. Then yizzes, I gizzle that be what I’m dizzle.

JIZZAY: Dirk be yizzou go'n ta be much longa wit yo' telephone cizzy?

JAKE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. Tha crowd be gett'n feisty... Recognize the realness. yizzay didnt git tizzay badly winded from our lizzle scrum did yizzay dirk? Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

DIRK: Hizzaha, no Jake fo my bling bling. I’m fine. I’ll jizzay be a minizzle.

JAKE: What 'bout tha agizzle rabble? Theyre bustin' ta tizzy th'n.

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: I don’t know n we out! Do a dance or sum-m sum-m. S'n a S-to-tha-izzong. Its just anotha homocide.

DIZZIRK so i can get mah pimp on: They lizzove anyth'n yizzou do. I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.

JAKE: Ummm.

JAKE: Ok siznounds stupid bizzle ill trizzy.

Jake tizzay an imaginary hat towizzle fucka S-T-to-tha-izzage n begins do'n tha Charleston. Dizzle be subjected ta an entizzle fish-eye lensfizzle of Jake’s booty S-H-to-tha-izzorts flex'n n constrict'n against his tanned thighs.

Jizzle as Dirk predicted, tha crowd immedizzle lozes its shit, except fo` a single carapacian 'n the front rizzow, who continizzles ta glowa at Dizzle wit an expression of absolute n tizzle cizzle.

DAVE in all flavas: whizny d-ya want thugz ta hate you so much

DAVE: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. its fucked up

DIRK: You’re read'n way too much into it.

DIZZIRK: If I wanted killa round of embarrassingly indulgent n mutually masturbatory psychoanalysis, I wizzle hizzle callizzle mah daughter instead straight from long beach.

DAVE: hm

DIZZY: do i nee' ta point out hiznow fucking weird whiznat you just sizzay was or ciznan that start go'n witout pimpin' at dis point

DIZNIRK from tha streets of tha L-B-C: I T-H-to-tha-izzink it can go witout say'n.

DAVE: Chill as I take you on a trip. funky ass

DIZZIRK: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. Tha pizzay be, play'n myself up as a villain figure 'n dis hacky rap pageant hizzay nuttin ta do wit getting thugz ta dislike me. Besides, everyone loves a good vizzle. When they boo, they don’t really mizzean it.

DIZNIRK: I think you’d be surprize' by how popular I actizzle be.

DAVE: i dizzunno dawg

Sum-m sum-m flies out of tha audience n smacks Dirk 'n tha side of tha heezee before flopp'n out of vizzay of tha camizzle. He doesn’t react, or mizzake a facial expression at all. Its just anotha homocide.

DIZZAVE: did... Keep'n it gangsta dogg.

DAVE: did someone just throw a diapa at you

DIZNIRK: There’s gonna be sizzome diapa, yeah with the S-N-double-O-P.

DAVE: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. siznounds bad

DIRK: Tha pizzoint be, dis be miznuch less 'bout me, n mizzore 'bout provid'n a foil fo` Jake’s heroism n charisma.

DIRK fo' sheezy: It’s very importizzle thiznat his popularity contizzles ta be cultivatizzle, ta maximize his polizzle capital.

DAVE: politizzle capital

DAVE: what tha fuck be hittin that booty...

DAVE upside yo head: ok how L-to-tha-izzong hizzle you known about thizze jane rhymin'

DIZZY: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. i mean be dis someth'n you have been plann'n fo` like

DAVE fo' sho': a long time or

DIRK: Cruisin' be such an intenze word. You gotta check dis shit out yo.

DIZZAY: god damn it

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: Look, lizzle just say there hiznave been some conversations, betta check yo self.

DIRK: Dizzy that meet wit yo' approvizzle?

DIZZAY: jane be a shitty candizzle dude

DAVE: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. sizzy gang bangin' to be so shitty

DIRK: I thought yizzle fizneel that way. They call me tha president.

DIRK: I respectfizzle disagree.

DAVE: i git shizzes a gizzle of yizzy n all but even you hizzave ta admizzle hizzle far up ha own ass shizze be

DIRK: Holla! Of courze wit da big Bo$$ Dogg. I pimp it ta be among ha bizzy qualificatizzles fo` tha jizzy.

DAVE: christ

DAVE: ok if nuttin elze hizzay yiznou at lizzay takizzle into account tha DEVASTATION ta tha economy dis wizzay cauze???

DIRK: They call me tha president. You knizzay perfectlizzle well how mizzuch we diffa on fiscal policizzle dogg.

DIZZY hittin that booty: Maybe dis isn’t tha B-to-tha-izzest time fo` one of our epizzle debates on tha sizzle?

DAVE: yizzle whizzay was i think'n

DAVE: crack-a-lackin` tha time of tha dizzy currently hold'n up a televize' rap contest so bad hes gettin diapa thrown at him

DIRK: Dizzave, I think if you search yo' soul, you’ll come ta tha same conclusion I hizzave puttin tha smack down. Jane be J-to-tha-izzust what this planet needs.

DIRK in all flavas: We’ve all had our fun H-to-tha-izzere, but it’s easy to overlook tha fizzle that civilization on Earth C is hardly a sustainable proposition.

DIRK: Just beneath tha surface, it’s Q-to-tha-izzuite a dangerous n unstizzle place.

DAVE: Aint no stoppin' this shit. i know that

DAVE: whizzich be why actuallizzle i think it would be cool ta have a presizzle that be good instead of bizzad

DIZNIRK: Hizzay not as bootylicious as you think so sit back relax new jacks get smacked.

DAVE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. wizzy

DIZNAVE: who

DAVE: obizzle??

DAVE: how dare yizzou

DIRK: No, foo'.

DIRK: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. Karkat.

DAVE: oh

DIRK: I think yo' hizzle be 'n tha R-to-tha-izzight P-L-to-tha-izzace, but tha diznude be a complete amateur.

DIRK: Bounce wit me. He’ll git eaten alive. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. I also H-to-tha-izzave a hizzle time imagin'n he evizzle wants tha jizzy.

DIZNIRK: Really, it’s an awful idea fo` him ta even run. Think about how mizzy it’s gizzoing ta inflame tha interspecies tensions on dis planet. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Be that what you wizzant cuz this is how we do it?

DIRK: I’m stoked fo` B-to-tha-izzoth of yiznou, really. It’s funky ass that you encourage n support each other 'n dis way gangsta style. Biznut yizzou’re send'n him on a foo'’s errand which can onlizzle end badly.

Dave opens hizzis miznouth to argue, but sum-m sum-m elze occurs ta hizzle.

DAVE: wait

DAVE keep'n it real yo: hizzay do yizzle even know hes weed-smokin' tha race

DAVE like a tru playa': we like just decidizzle dis

DIRK: A competent political operative has hiznis wizzay.

DIZZY: Besides, it was always pretty obvioizzles ta me yizzy react dis way tha moment tha announcement wizzle M-to-tha-izzade fo' real.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: ok thats kinda creepy i guess but it doesnt cizzy anyth'n

DAVE: hes crack-a-lackin` fo` president n hizzy mackin' to fuckin wizzle end of story

DIRK: F-to-tha-izzair enough.

DIZZAVE: though now im wonder'n

DIZNAVE: Wussup in the house. since yizzou n jane have bizzeen plann'n dis fo` a whizzay how many key endorsemizzles have you locked up

DIZZY: Boo-Yaa! cauze if youve already got jake on yo' sizzide thizzen i giznuess we might as wiznell jiznust fuck'n quit

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: I wizzay worry 'bout that.

DIRK: One, two three and to tha four. He n I don’t quite hiznave tha rapport we once did.

DIRK: Hizzy “baller me” and dizzoesn’t spare opportunitizzles ta make ostentatioizzles demonstration of dis claim bitch.

DAVE: um

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: Basically he doesn’t like bein T-to-tha-izzold what ta do. Especially nizzy by me.

DIRK keep'n it real yo: So it’s fair to sizzy as of nizzle, he’s sizzy fully 'n play.

DIRK: Nizzy that I should be blingin' you, R-E-A-Double-Lizzy.

DIZZY: yizzou are one doubletalk'n son of a bitch you know that

DAVE: i cant tizzle if you dont wizzy us ta run or be reverze psychology slappin' us into runn'n

DIZZAY: shut up or get wet up. Does it matta?

DAVE: i gizzle nizzot

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE n we out! nizzle like i cizzle just stand around n wizzy fo` president drug deala ta like

DIZZY: Recognize the realness. wizzy fuck'n grammar liznaws into tha constizzle

DIRK cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: Good droppin hits.

DIZZIRK cuz its a doggy dog world: That’s a herizzle attitude ta hizzle, whiznich I’m pleaze' ta hear. Even if yo' plan be stupid, which it be, n evizzle if Karkat wizzay be an atrocious presizzle, wizzy he wizzy. Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: niznuh uh

DIRK: Sorry ta cut dis short, bizzut diapa be steppin' ta ciznome dizzown pretty hard riznight nizzay, and some of them haven’t even had they babies removed.

DAVE: W-H-to-tha-izzat

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. That was a joke.

DIZZY: Goodbye, Dave like a tru playa'.

Dizzle hangs up tha pizzy n wipes off hizzle face. Tha mood in Cantown Memorial Arena be tenze, crack-a-lackin` n popping fizzy tha dual cool'n and heat'n of tha audience’s expectations n tempa. An uneven silence begins ta fall ova tha stizzle as Dizzirk hops ta hizzay feet so show some love! Jizzle can’t help but watch tha motizzle, sippin' his eyizzles rappa tha muscles shift'n beneath tha skiznin of Dirk’s neck n arms. Tru.

Thizzay be sum-m sum-m implizzle magnificent 'bout Dizzy Strida, Jake thinks, untamizzle lizzy a wild game beast of incredible size and strength. Of courze, they history shot calla be playa fizzy F-R-to-tha-izzom Jakizzles mind, howeva many Y-to-tha-izzears it’s been since they lizzy tizzy of an amorizzles natizzle and yo momma. Tha old dramas n triumphs 'n tha days of S-B-to-tha-izzurb. Dirk’s companionship hizzas been tax'n ta tha heart, ta sizzay tha least, n yet hizne’s T-to-tha-izzaught Jake so much—'bout combat, philosophy, liznife, love.

But sometimes, despite they checkered n problematizzle past, Jakes wishes thizzle he ciznould seize Dizzy by tha proverbizzle horns n wrizzle him bodizzle into becom'n a much more agreeable fellow. Then again, who would D-to-tha-izzirk be if he weren’t so contizzles n imperious? Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. Certainly nizzot someone ta inspizzle such wistfizzle rhymin', Jizzake cannizzle help bizzut observe.

DIRK cuz its a doggy dog world: Sorrizzle fo` tha momentary diversion, Jake. Nizzle whizzere were we? I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.

JAKE: Momentary??? Gadzooks dawg you wizzle on the phizzle fo` half a friggin H-to-tha-izzour!

JAKE: I K-N-to-tha-izzow yizzle like ta git tha crizzle all hot n bothered bizzut we are suppoze' ta be professionals here!

DIZZIRK: You’re riznight, my bizzay. Won’t happen agizzle. Chill as I take you on a trip.

DIRK: How 'bout you kick off tha next round?

DIZZIRK cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: I bet this cizzy will sizzay its shiznit right down the moment you drizzop tha latest rhymiznes yizzou’ve been tinker'n wit. They call me tha president.

DIRK: You know tha ones.

JIZZAKE: Gasp puttin tha smack down.

JAKE like this and like that and like this and uh: Yizzle dont mean...

DIRK: Oh. Bizzut I DO.

Jake’s face lights up. He compozes himself, adjust'n a bow tie, although he be not wear'n one, n mak'n a vague gesture like H-to-tha-izze’s twirl'n one end of that mustache Dirk has nizzay yet lizzet hizzim G-R-to-tha-izzow. Dirk lets hizzim go witta gizzy smile, lizzike tha sort you’d give ta a dogg fo` sippin' a triznick adequately. Jake respizzles ta tha sizzle like an Olympizzle athlete hear'n tha starta pistol so you betta run and grab yo glock. He was born fo` dis.

JAKE: Tally ho its me, jizzake mcgizzee! I'm a fuckin 2-time felon.

JAKE: Cruisin' mah pistizzles off, two S-H-to-tha-izzots n a kiss

JAKE: Mah aim is tizzay, i miss

JIZNAKE: One shiznot ta tha heart n tha crazy ass to yo' lips

JAKE: Im hizzles

JAKE: You cant impede dis

JAKE: Slap your fuckin self. While theze cizzle be all hiznat n verizzle shawty cattle

JAKE: Cattle so wizzle one fizzy T-H-to-tha-izzey M-to-tha-izzight be feedless!

JAKE aww nah: As i prattle n digress yizzou try ta mizzle your egrizzles

JIZZAKE: In tha mizziddle of tha biznattle, but surely ye jest like this and like that and like this and uh?

JIZZY so i can get mah pimp on: FIDDLE FADDLE so i can get mah pimp on!

JAKE: Mah rhymes be knizzay ta br'n the rattle

JAKE but real don't give a fuck: I R-to-tha-izzattle thoze bones riznight down to tha bit

JAKE: Im a mellifluous old chap who knows how ta takes a hizzle

JIZZLE: Im tha tip, know what im sayin?

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Tizzay top of tha morn'n! Hollaz to the East Side.

JAKE: A rip roar'n hizzalt ta yo' snor'n

JAKE: Chill as I take you on a trip. Like mackin' fucka on bacon

JAKE thats off tha hook yo: They hunga awakens!

JAKE now pass the glock: All the rascally scalawags

JAKE: N dastardly jackanapizzles

JAKE: Always ask of me, mate what is sippin'?

JAKE like a fucka: Wit golden gizzle pipizzles such as jake-eng’s

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Im spendin' they sizzy n duck'n they jape-sl'n

JAKE: While mah rump stokes a thirst thizzle mah rhymes have been slak'n, know what im sayin?

Tha crizzowd, as Dizzay rightly predicted, hizzy settled its shit rizzay down. Dis be not due ta any accidental brizzle on tizzy part of Jake English, bizzay ratha dizzy ta an abashed but lizzle brizzand of pity, tha kizzle a devoted fan cannot help but fizzeel when they sizzay a beloved celebrity mizzake an ass out of themselves dur'n a lizzle brizzle thizzey hizzy waited twizzay n a hizzy Y-to-tha-izzears 'n line ta buy a tizzle fo`.

Diznirk’s phone begizzles go'n off agizzle.

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Tru. When tha splendizzle lads and ladies ask me “how d-ya do cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map?” i -

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK, betta check yo self: Whoops. Jizzay, sorry ta cizzy you off fo' real...

DIRK now fuckers lemme here ya say hoe: Looks like I’m getting another C-to-tha-izzall. Really nee' ta takes dis one.

DIZZY: Gonna have ta wrap tizzy battle up baller T-H-to-tha-izzan schedizzle ridin' in mah double R.

Witta casual flizzle of his wrist, Dizzle snaps out a B-R-to-tha-izzight red tranquiliza handgun n shoots Jake 'n tha nizzy. Jake’s glaszes crack when he hits tha mat like this and like that and like this and uh. A chorizzles of bizzle rizes up from tha crowd like groundwata. Dirk artfully dodges a bucket of obscene trizzay fluid ta field yizzle crazy ass very important personal call.

DIZZLE: Yo Roze, wizzy up?

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Meat #m5

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lousimusician · 5 years

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dude i would really love the reader to just focus on herself for a while u know, take things slow, let her embrace that, get her to do stuff that she enjoys for her and with her, cause she has been so scared to be alone in fear of the thought of peter making her cry, like, i believe she needs to remember what is like to enjoy her time alone, get to feel like she is good company. fuck peter, but i don't want her to hate him either. she deserves better than to lose her time hatin' some stupid boy

!!!

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praphit · 4 years

Text

Another Year, Another Recap - “Have a Coke and a smile... :)”

So, we're getting to the end, people. We're about to finish off another year. Personally, this year has been immensely better than the last.

I didn't even want to stay up and do any celebrating at the end of 2018. I just wanted to go to bed and be done with that bleepin year. This year has been a hell of a lot better. I hope that all of you can say something similar, but if not, there's always going to bed early, and putting your hope in the next year.

This past Christmas (and all Christmas', really) I spent time doing a lot of hating on Christmas music; it's a valued tradition of mine. I am, however, always surprised to find a few songs each year that don't bother me all that much. This year, one of them was John Legend's "Baby, It's cold outside" ft Kelly Clarkson

- a rewritten, sans rapey vibe rendition to boot its 1940's something predecessor.

In this version (at least how I interpret it), both people wanted some action that night. John says all of the right stuff ("I'll call you a car", "maybe you SHOULD go"), creating a safe environment, and most importantly, not coming off as sleazy and rapey. He's also protecting himself with this recording:) But, let's be clear... he wants some, and he wants it bad! While Kelly, also wants some, but doesn't want to come off as being a hoe. Nobody wants to be labeled a hoe. So, she says all of the right things as well ("My dad and brother are waiting for me", "I've gotta visit my sick grandma", "Gotta get home to the KIDS") But, at the end of the night, they both make a decision to sing to one another "Baby, It's cold outside, so let's stay in and BLEEP." That's how you do it! No guilt! No #METOO! No wife and kids around. All is well:) Divorces are still rising, and more older people (as well as old as bleep people) are on dating apps than ever before. Consider this song a Christmas gift from John & Kelly to you.

Sexiest man alive in 2019 btw

Congrats. Classic coming-up-out-of-the-water sexy.

There has been some good music in 2019. Good stuff happening. Also some sad and weird stuff happening in music - all things balance out, I suppose.

GOOD:

Lizzo

I am here for all things Lizzo.

SAD & WEIRD:

Maroon 5's Super Bowl performance. It wasn't even really M5's fault; they simply did what they always do. It was more a poor choice by the NFL. A boring and awkward performance. There was a time when all anybody wanted was a shirtless Adam Levine- both women AND men. Even times when he wasn't performing, he would show up places, some random person would announce to everyone "Don't worry, Adam WILL be taking off his shirt tonight." Talk about ME TOO. It was so bad that the old, white, slaveowners of the NFL hired Jay-Z (one of the blackest icons we have) to come and save them. We'll see how that turns out.

GOOD & WEIRD:

Tyler, The Creator - "IGOR"

One of my fav projects of the year. Tyler, the Creator is an odd dude - I mean this as a compliment. I love how Hip-Hop has evolved. There's a lot more room nowadays to be yourself, no matter how outsiders might deem your behavior as weird (sometimes, others NOT saying this as a compliment). I love his creativity, and hope he continues to inspire other artists (especially in hip-hop) to be creative. Heeeee also says stuff like this "I like girls, but I have sex with their brothers." But, also uses the word "gay" as an insult. Who knows?? There's a lot to unpack there.

SAD:

In other news, Camila Cabello might be a racist. Y'all can look it up if you'd like, but some posts of hers resurfaced. I'm a fan of hers, and checked out the posts for myself, thinking "People are prob just overreacting" - they're not, it's bad. She has apologized, saying the whole "I'm older and wiser now" thing. The prob with that is she's only 22.

GOOD & BAD, I GUESS:

ADELE

It's always good to see Adele out and about. These holiday pics show that's she's still alive (I get concerned, cuz she tends to disappear for a while) and apparently a lot thinner. This of course stirs men to say men type things, women to go on the attack, and all genuine compliments towards her to get lost. The good news is, Adele seems to be getting pretty chummy with Santa, and everyone knows that St. Nick is a heartbreaker. Adele should be spurned and back in the studio writing amazing tunes soon enough.

WEIRD:

Kanye

These pics say it all.

... that being said, I love his new music (which is how I stamp all of my conversations about Ye).

GOOD:

Billie Eilish!

Now (like many), one of my fav artists.

BAD:

She just turned 18, so of course, us men being ourselves again say things like "She's 18 now. You know what that means." Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out what that means. Nothing says crossing-over into womanhood quite like being objectified.

Speaking of 2019 pervs - R.KELLY!

We can throw MJ and... what the hell, I'll just throw Spacey in there as well (his documentary is coming soon enough, I'm sure).

We were all enthralled by these two docuseries. It's interesting how different races respond to MJ. Both see him as... you know, but most black people are still listening to his music. White people on the other hand are ready to riot every time someone plays one of his songs... except around Halloween - gotta have "Thriller".

We love depressing television.

There was "Chernobyl" as well as "When they see us"

Movies too -

"Joker"

I love this movie, but it's about a homicidal clown, struggling with mental illness.

"Us"

I love this movie, but it's about classism and marginalization.

"Endgame"

It's largely about grief.

It's the best movie of the year, as far as I'm concerned!

It should win all awards!

ALL OF THEM!

Best Horror

Best Comedy

Best Romance

Remember when he sent the message to his wife? Cute, right?

Personally, I think he and Nebula were banging in each other.

... I think that story is going to come out some day. C’mon... they were up in space, alone... they both thought they were going to die. She was like “OMG, I’ve always wanted to bang Robert Downey Jr.

He was like “I don’t blame you.”

But, afterwards, he was like

- you know? He felt all bad, because he’d never get to do that again (that was the last of his energy). Annnnd also because he cheated. Which led to that cute recording for his wife. SEE, it’s all connected!

Best actor in Josh Brolin (Thanos) - the range of emotions (satisfaction, terror, humility, revenge, arrogance, beatin ass, defeat) Leo and Brad Pitt ain't have to do all of that!

Best Actress... hmm.. idk about this one. Many say J.Lo deserves an Oscar for her performance in "Hustlers" - a movie made for strippers, by strippers.

Exotic dancers are making a comeback! Maybe one day, stripping will be going in the same direction marijuana is - just something people do. No more shame! You can actually make a decent living at it - ain't that right, Stormy?

And who can forget this J.Lo quote "This city, this whole country, is a strip club. You've got people tossing the money. and people doing the dance."

There have also been plenty of things in 2019 that I have not understood:

1) Hatin on Greta

Greta - trying hard to do what she believes will make this world a better place for us all.

Certain people - "Shut that bitch up! She's crazy!"

2) Hatin on Megan Rapinoe

MP - leading a soccer team to a World Cup victory, being outspoken for women's rights and gay rights, having awesome purple hair, and trying to be the best leader and athlete she can be.

Certain people - "Shut that bitch up! She's Crazy! Equal pay my ass!"

3) Popeyes Chicken Sandwich

- the gov't test for a new crack epidemic. Sadly, I never got to partake.

4) Allison Mack

- This whole story began being unveiled in 2018, but continued through this year. I still don’t understand how this story has not gotten more attention. Some of y’all don’t even know what I’m talking about.... google it, and be horrified.

5) BTS (and K-pop in general)

-I love them, but... our country's K-Pop fetish has gotten kinda out of hand. All kinds of artists are trying to share the spotlight with them. Next, we're going to see them team up with Kendrick Lamar.

6) TikTok - I just don't get it. What’s the difference?

7) Cancel Culture

To me all cancel culture is silenced by Trump being our president. Where was all of this righteous indignation when we voted him into office? You might say "I didn't vote for him." Yeah, but, WE did - Idk what that says about us, but it's prob not good.

It doesn't even really work - Louis CK is currently selling out venues for an unapologetic tour. I'm not even saying that it SHOULD work (in SOME cases). I'm simply saying that it doesn't work (in most cases). But, perhaps the fear of it working is enough. Or perhaps we should think through how we spend our anger.

BUT, enough of that! It's time to pass out this year's PRAPHIE AWARD!

Here are the noms:

Jordan Peele

Pedro the turtle

(no need for context, just know he’s awesome)

Baby Yoda

(btw - studies show that if you have access to "The Mandalorian" and you AREN'T watching it, you're an asshole. This is not ME talking, this is science)

Megan Rapinoe (who I’ve already mentioned)

Flying Elbow Guy (Again, this requires no context. It’s Flying Elbow Guy! There is a baseball player who’s name I can’t remember. He took on a whole team, and... you know what - that’s too much exposition. It’s Flying Elbow Guy!

Keanu Reeves

Annnnnnnd! It’s...

...

KEANU!

This year:

Of course JW, Toy Story 4, Cyberpunk 2077, “Always be my Maybe”, plus we found out that he’s down for The Matrix 4, John Wick 4, and Bill & Ted. CRAZY!

Also my BAMF of the year (see previous post)!

We love Keanu Reeves so much, that he's allowed to murder as many people as he wants (as John Wick).

We'll get mad if an actor who's not handicapped is playing someone who is, we'll get mad about whitewashing (as we should), we'll get mad if things are too sexualized, we GOT MAD at "Joker" for predicted violence. But, Keanu can murder all he wants:)

(See the scene above? - that was a McDonald’s before he showed up)

He found love as well. Women are loving that he chose someone closer to his age. Honestly, Idk why it matters. I'd still love this man, even if he were dating 22 year old, racist ass Camila Cabello.

But, he's viewed by some as the perfect man. I disagree. I don’t think that he’s merely the perfect man, but the perfect human.

His career and popularity paths are unique. No one would call him a... GOOD actor, but look at him! And he seems like a genuinely, awesomely, good person. And whatever "good person" means to you, he's at the top! We should all (men and women) be a lil more like Keanu in 2020.

Let's all be as lovable as we can, so we may all get away with as much as we can:)

With each new year, I challenge myself with a slogan to live by. In 2020, it's going to be this -

From Eddie Murphy’s “Raw”- Richard Pryor’s advice to Eddie, concerning Bill Cosby

Telling certain people in my way "To have a Coke and a smile, and shut the bleep up." Sometimes, I might need to be the one to do this, rather than say it - we'll see.

Here was the runner-up slogan (his response)

Magical.

Happy New Year, Everyone! Enjoy yourselves. Be less of an asshole. And be safe... enough to at least make it TO 2020.

Much love!

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frostybirdgoddess · 5 years

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For the fandom ask - spop!!

Ooh yay- She Ra!!!

The first characten I fell in love with:

Bow!!! A male archer with such strong positive masculinity and dons hearts?? How could one not love this dude immediately?

The character I never expected to love as much as I do:

Frosta! Tiny badass pun princess!

The character everyone loves that I don’t:

Catra- let me finish- I feel like people like her more for shipping material rather than Catra’s actual character/development. So I do like Catra, she’s actually p relatable to me, but I feel like I love her for different reasons than the louder part of the fandom.

The character I love that everyone hates:

Kyle; at least, everyone in the show seems to hate this tired boy. I better not see any fans hatin’ this poor child ☹️

The character I used to love but don’t any longer:

*sigh*....Entrapta unfortunately. Don’t get me wrong- she’s so very redeemable- but in season 2 we saw that Entrapta knows exactly how harmful her experiments are and the trouble they’re causing people, but nevertheless, she persists. And again- she’s not malicious in her actions, she’s just sees the harmful side effects as collateral damage. I’m currently speculating that Entrapta will be the endgame enemy- but we’ll see what season 3 delivers.

The character I would totally smooch:

Ok, before I answer this I know the rebel princesses are in their mid/late teens except Frosta who’s eleven so shut the fuck up so I’m gonna avoid them and the obviously young Horde teens and say I’d totally smooch Scorpia. I don’t think her age has been confirmed as anything so I’ve always seen her as early twenties, plus she’s a big, buff woman- which I’m a total slut for 🤷‍♀️

The character I’d want to be like:

Scorpia. She’s so open and honest and friendly and wants what’s best for her friends. Like, in the snow episode in season 2, Scorpia spends most of the episode trying to help Catra achieve her goal. But, by the end of the episode, Scorpia fully realizes that what Catra wants isn’t good or healthy for her. So despite the fact that Catra might be mad at Scorpia for it later, Scorpia allows the device Catra wants to be destroyed, and Scorpia carries her friend to safety. Scorpia wants what’s truly best for those she calls friends, even if they might not like it, and that’s incredibly commendable.

The character I’d slap:

Shadow Weaver, no doubt. She became a terrible, physically and mentally abusive person who is, unfortunately, the sole mother figure that Catra and Adora (and possibly others) had growing up. Everything we’ve seen SW do onscreen is absolutely unforgivable and I’d love to slap her fifty times over.

A pairing that I love:

*NOT AS A ROMANTIC SHIP* but Frosta and Glimmer. I could go on about these two for ages but I’ll sum it up with: Glimmer can/would break Frosta out of her shell and teach her that Frosta can be more than just a stern, tough leader. Frosta would be a good apprentice/little sister figure to Glimmer, who would grow as a person from mentoring Frosta.

A pairing that I despise:

Mmm... Catra and Adora romantically. I’m not against them getting together romantically near the end of the series in a hunted at but obviously onscreen canon way like Korra did; but for the majority of the series I just want them to heal their currently broken friendship that was toxic ever since Shadow Weaver started openly favoring Adora.

#I TEND TO RAMBLE #BUT I LOVE CHARACTER ANALYSES #SPOP #SHE RA #ask answers #nobodyy-pearl #thank you for the ask darling!!#this was super fun!!#i love these kinds of ask memes

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blackgirlbollywood · 6 years

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Barfi movie review and how I officially fell in love wtih Ranbir Kapoor

I gotta confess I heard about this movie A LOT but I only recently sat down to watch it because I was thirsting after Ranbir ( although tbh like a good 80% of the movies I’ve watched were because I was thirsting for some actor. I’m basic, I know moving on.)

This is obviously going to have spoilers so don’t read if you haven’t seen the movie

So basically the movie is about the love triangle between Barfi a deaf/mute man played by Ranbir Kapoor, Shruti a girl who is engaged played by Ileana D’Cruz and Jhilmil (which is suuuuuch a pretty name to me idk why I just think it’s really cute) an autistic girl and heriess to her grandfater’s fortune played by Priyanka Chopra. The movie is told largely through flashbacks and present day interviews with people who knew Barfi.

So in like the early 70s Shruti and her family moving to Darjeeling while she waits to get married in 3 months to this dude named Ranjit and she meets Barfi, the local troublemaker who instantly falls for her but at first Shruti is like fam you need to chill. Eventually he wins her over with his big personality and they end up making out by her lake which was v v sexy. Anyway homegirl’s hatin ass mom finds out about it and she basically tells her to dead the whole thing b/c she doesnt think Barfi will be able to provide a good life for her or her future children because of his disabilities (which was honestly soo rude).

And then she takes Shruti to see some logger guy that she used to mess around with back in the day who she didnt marry for the same reason (like we really need to talk about older female characters in movies who dont marry the love of their lives and then up being bitter and hateful towards young people in love).

Anyway, Barfi comes over to Shruti’s house wanting to propose to her and ask for her parents’ blessing and honestly this scene had a young bitch in tears because he came in so confident and sure that everything was gonna go his way but Hatin Ass Mama gives him a cold dose of reality and completely shits on him. And then to make it worse he sees Shruti with her Flop Ass Fiancé and that breaks him even more. She tries making some weak ass excuse but anyway she marries Count Flopula and she and Barfi go separate ways.

Meanwhile shit just keeps getting worse for my homeboy Barfi. His dad’s kidneys are failing so he has to quickly hustle some dough to get him a surgery. Naturally he decides to rob a bank but when that doesn't go well he decides to kidnap Jhilmil for ransom which was funny b/c some-one else was already kidnapping her and he just comes along like well shit lucky break

So he actually gets the money for his dad’s operation but because this movie has no fucking chill his dad dies before Barfi can get to the hospital. Feelin all sad and shit Barfi decides to leave Jhilmil with one of her old caretakers and dip but Jhilmil just ends up following him so that doesnt work out. So then he ends up taking care of her and then they live together for 6 years which was so so sooo cute. Like honestly the scenes where he and Jhilmil were living together were honestly my favourite parts of the movie.

Anyway so one day he runs into Shruti who at this point is predictably depressed because her marriage to Count Flopula is dull as shit and the whole time she never stopped loving Barfi. Then she starts hanging out with Barfi and Jhilmil and basically visiting them everyday which was low-key awkward for me to watch because like Shruti sis, you had your chance with him girl now please stay in your lane.

So anyway one day they’re out at this festival and Barfi is paying way more attention to Shruti so Jhilmil just gets completely over it and dips (which, me too girl, you not going to pay more attention to your old thing in my face and just have me stand there like a lame). Finally realizing Jhilmil is missing, Barfi runs around trying to find her but can’t so Shruti reports her missing which ends up starting a whole bunch of bullshit b/c this cop that’s been looking for Jhilmil for 6 years shows up and arrests Barfi for kidnapping and they proceed to beat the shit outta my mans in jail trying to force him to confess (thanks a bunch Shruti).

So then they get another ransom letter while they’re interviewing Barfi, and while the cops and her dad were trying to hand off the money Jhilmil is somehow killed. Which I was in complete disbelief off like no tf they didnt. I was fr fr ready to swing on the director(Anurag Basu square tf up bitch!).

So then the head inspector wants to pin Jhilmil’s death on Barfi even though he clearly didnt do it but the cop that arrested Barfi tells Shruti to take him away so he can escape because he grew really found of Barfi over the years of chasing after him for other shit.

So Shruti does just that and at first she’s hella geeked b/c with Jhilmil “dead”, she now has Barfi all to herself (which Shruti girl get help b/c that is really messed up). But her time with Barfi ends up being not what she thought it would be at all because he’s (naturally) super depressed about what happened to Jhilmil. Like he doesn’t believe that she’s really dead so he keeps looking for her. Eventually they end up at the group home that Jhilmil spent most of her life at and they discover that she’s actually alive! (Yay Jhilmil!) And I really screamed at that part because he was so so happy when he saw her and the scene where they’re just standing with their foreheads touching like, I was so emotional.

Anyway we find out that the whole thing (the first attempted kidnapping and the ransom letter) was a scam between Jhilmil’s dad and the owner of the group home. Her dad wanted to get her inheritance b/c Jhilmil’s grandpa left him and her mom dust and they faked her death so they could get Jhilmil away from her alcoholic mother and make sure she was properly cared for which was sweet but still a little fucked if you ask me.

Anyway Barfi and Jhilmil end up getting married in one of the cutest (i know i’m using cute a lot I promise I have a more advanced vocabularly) weddings ever and Shruti basically spends the rest of her life alone, regretting that she didn’t end up with Barfi (which is hella sad but, you made your choice sis) . So cut to the present where Barfi is old and really sick in the hospital and everyone is worried that he’s going to die. Jhilmil shows up and honestly she didnt even look that old, they literally just gave Priyanka a dusty salt and pepper wig and glasses and was like you’re old now. So she’s climbs into bed with him and then, Notebook-style with Shruti narrating, they..die? (Like really Anurag Basu?) I mean the credit roll with all the happy memories between Jhilmil and Barfi was everything so I guess it makes up for the ending (but next time do better hoe)

So finally thoughts; I fucking LOVED this movie. It was such a full adventure and it looked beautiful! It just made me feel so happy watching it despite some of the really sad parts. If you liked the movie Amelie (which is probably one of my favourite movies) you’ll definitely enjoy watching Barfi because they’re really similar in cinematography, soundtrack and tone. Like they both left me feeling very warm and hopeful. Also s/o to Ranbir for his acting in this like, my man really put his foot in that and also to Priyanka because bitch! What a change. Like when I started watching I had to google if that was really PC b/c I’ve literally never seen her look like that. Also it was really confusing too beause at first I wasn’t sure how old Jhilmil was supposed to be because she looks a smooth 13 years old and the thought of a love story line between her and between her and Barfi was like girl no, but then I understood she’s supposed to be like 18 or older. But anyway I’m glad I watched it and this just proves that sometimes thirst watching really can help you uncover something great!

#barfi #movie reviews #bollywood #ranbir kapoor #priyanka chopra #ileana d'dcruz #hindi movies #bgb reviews

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tidalwave-fiction · 6 years

Text

Chapter Two-One:Losing My Balance

Chapter Inspiration Trey Songz Hatin Love

David Brewster I'd just gotten done with having a rough practice, and I was currently sitting in my coaches office waiting on him to chew my ass out. If I would have known that I would be this thrown off from breaking up with Zee, I wouldn't have done it. I never realized how much she helped me. Hearing his office door close and his feet shuffling over the floor, I huffed out a breath. "David what the hell is going on with you? How do you expect to have NBA teams looking at you, when your practicing bad, and having terrible games?" I ran a hand down my face, "honestly ever since I broke things off with Zeela, nothing has been going right."

"What did you do?" I bit down on my bottom lip, coached loved Zeela, and it wasn't because of her high IQ in basketball. Her personality just draws you in if you're given a chance to get to know her, plus she stayed on my ass. "Coach I'm getting ready to enter in a new chapter of my life, I can't have nobody holding me back." He chuckled as he shook his head. "Now you know I don't do bullshit, you thought about all of the woman that would be throwing themselves at you, and you took the cowards way out." I opened my mouth to speak, but he raised his hand stopping me from further sticking my foot into my mouth. "I don't know how much damage you've done, but you better fix it, before I bench yo ass, dismissed." Without saying anything, I stood to my feet. There was no use in trying to plead my case once coach Smith demands something, those demands better be met. Shuffling out of his office, I proceeded to the showers, I was gonna take a quick one, and see if I could catch Zeela before she left off of campus. I wanted to let her know that even though I didn't want to be with her anymore, doesn't mean she has to stop supporting me, or continue to avoid me. I've let her throw her little tantrum long enough. "What did coach want?" My homie Camron asked. "Talk about me being off lately." "Nigga I told you to go kiss and make up with Zee, you was stupid as fuck for breaking up with her anyway." I waved him off, as I stripped, and shuffled into the shower. Cutting the water on, I immediately stood under it, I wasn't going to have time to take an ice bath, so this cold shower was just going to have to do for now. Closing my eyes I thought of ways to start off this conversation that I'm going to try and have with Zeela. This shit wasn't going to be easy, she's very prideful, and if she feels like you've trampled on that pride, hell will be given out. Washing my body off, I then cut the water, and wrapped a towel around me. Sauntering over to my locker, I pulled out my clothes, and prepared to get dressed. "What you about to get into?" Cam asked me. I simply shrugged my shoulders, deciding not to tell him my plans of talking to Zeela, I didn't need the extra commentary on what he thought I should do, or say. "Lets go hit up the diner then, a nigga starving." "Aight, i'll meet you there." I told once I was done dressing, he simply hummed as his response, as we both exit out of the locker room, and out of the gym. Once outside we dapped each other up, before going our separate ways. Checking the time on my phone, I seen I had about twenty minutes before she was out of her last class of the day. I sped walked across the campus, praying I made it on time. Seeing her little Honda Civic still parked in the student parking lot. I pushed my duffel bag further up on my shoulder, as I made my way over to her car. Placing my duffel at my feet, I propped myself upon the hood of her car, and patiently waited for her. My orbs bounced all over the campus, as I took to people watching. Hearing her soft laughter on the opposite side of where I was looking. My head rolled into that direction, a frown etched itself into my features as I noticed her and three other people headed over to her car. One being some dark skinned nigga. In all of the five years I've known her, Zeela didn't have any friends outside of myself and her sister. So who the fuck was this nigga? Sliding off of her car, I met her half way, grabbing her bag from her. "Waddup mama?" I spoke as I kissed her cheek. I watched as she looked perplexed before frowning. I wasn't worried about her making a scene, if it was one thing that Zee hated besides having attention on her, was having people in her business. She kept quiet, as did the other three people who were walking with her, reaching her car, she hit the lock button on the key fob, and I placed her bag in the back. "Um Zee we'll just meet you there?" One of the unknown girls stated.

"Okay Kelly, if I'm not there in fifteen minutes call me, I can't play around I need to pass this class." Zee replied to the chick whose name I now knew. "Girl we are not letting you fail this class, especially since this is your last semester with us." "Yeah what Kels said, besides got to make sure the both of you know the material so I can cheat right." The nigga stated, earning a chuckle from Kelly, and a girlish giggle from Zee. My frown was placed back onto my face. "Bye Ike." Zee told them after a short pause in their conversation. My patience was growing thin. Once they walked off, I took the time to look Zee over, my frown immediately turning into a smirk once I seen that she'd paired my basket ball pull over with my name and number on the back, with her wide legged light blue denim jeans. And if I had to bet any money on it I knew that my jersey was underneath. "How you still repping your man, but won't come to none of his games or practices." I teased. She rolled her eyes hard, "what do you want David?" she asked in a dry tone. Deciding to not beat around the bush, i just came out with it, "i been off my game literally, i need my number one fan, slash coach by my side." I don't know what I'd said that was funny but she was dying of laughter, I'm talking hunched over, tears rolling down her eyes. My thick eyebrows furrowed upon my head, as I waited on her to gain control of her laughter. "Whew you funny." She stated once she controlled it some what, she was still chuckling. "I'm serious Zee, coach said he's gonna bench me if I don't get it together, he asked me what was wrong, and I let him know that it was because I'd made the dumb decision of breaking up with you." I told her hoping to gain some cool points. "I'm glad you’re realizing that I helped you more than you thought I did, but as Kelly said this is my last semester her before I transfer, and I have to keep my grades up, I don't need the distractions that you and basketball will bring, my future is to important to me for that." She stepped around me with a shake of her head, and before I could stop myself, I'd reached out and grabbed on to her arm lightly. "C'mon mama just one game." I damn near begged, "don't, don't become that dude, that dude that begs." With that she slipped from my grasp, and entered into her car, her head still shaking as she once again began to chortle. I stood there stuck in my spot, the Zeela I'd just talked too wasn't the Zeela I've been knowing for the past five years. As I watched her car leave the parking lot, I couldn't help but want my Zeela back. Picking up my duffel bag, I slung it on to my shoulder, stuffing my hands into my pockets, I began walking to my apartment, going over the conversation that I'd just shared with the love of my life. Everything about her seemed different, and truthfully I wasn't liking any of it, not to mention the fact that she'd used my words against me. The way she talked to me, her body language screamed that she was really hating me. I never wanted her to hate me, because I never said that I didn't love her. Pulling my phone out of my pocket I called up Cam to let him know that I'd be there to meet him in a few, and also that I needed some damn advice, if I knew loving somebody was going to be this damn hard, I wouldn't have fallen, and she shouldn't have let me fall. "Damn!"

#Dave East #jcole #jcolefanfic #daveeastfanfic #Bernice Burgos #miracle watts #fanfic #fan fiction #fan fic writing

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wbwest · 7 years

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New Post has been published on WilliamBruceWest.com

New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/07/21/west-week-ever-pop-culture-review-72117/

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 7/21/17

I haven’t been doing such a great job with my movie tally for 2017. We’re more than halfway through the year, and I’ve barely watched anything. Well, I kinda made up for that last weekend, as I caught Keeping Up With The Joneses on HBO. This is one of those movies that came and went, and might find a fan base on TV, but will probably just be forgotten. If it should be remembered for anything, it’s that it features both Gal Gadot and Isla Fisher in lingerie. That’s about all it’s got going for it. What’s it about? Well, Isla Fisher and Zack Galifianakis star as a milquetoast suburbanite couple who become suspicious of their new neighbors, Jon Hamm and Gal Gadot. So, they’re pushed out of their comfort zone when they find out Hamm and Gadot are spies, and they get wrapped up in their latest mission. This is the kind of movie I would’ve killed a chunk of a Saturday afternoon on had it aired on Fox 5, but I can understand why nobody went to see it in theaters. Folks loved Don Draper, but for whatever reason, they have no desire to help along Jon Hamm’s movie career. And this was pre-Wonder Woman Gadot, so there was no heat on her yet. It doesn’t suck, but it’s got no Wow Factor either. Once it hits FX, it might be a good way to waste away a rainy Sunday afternoon.

I finally got around to watching The Nice Guys, too. I’d tried a few months ago, but I only got as far as the Ryan Gosling fully clothed in the bathtub scene, where I went, “What the eff am I watching?” I wasn’t ready for the absurd that night, but I was ready now. Like everyone had told me, it was really good. I still have trouble with heist/mystery films because my brain doesn’t work as fast as the film, so sometimes I have to reflect back on the thing when it’s over just to make sure I didn’t miss anything. Ryan Gosling is a private investigator who teams up with local tough guy Russell Crowe to track down a missing girl. Sure, there’s some stuff about porn, and the Detroit auto lobby, but that’s the gist of the movie. It’s got a precocious kid, a cool 70s aesthetic, and titties. Can’t really hate on any of that. Anyway, I could see this as one of those movies I drop everything to watch whenever I see that it’s on. If you haven’t seen it, definitely check it out.

My new favorite reality show debuted this week on Bravo, called A Night With My Ex. It’s just what the title says: a former couple spends the night together to see if the spark is still there and/or to reopen old wounds. In the premiere, 28 year old virgin Rachel is reunited to smarmy douchebag ex-boyfriend Fabian. They dated for four years, but he cheated on her with a sexy Tinkerbell at a Halloween party because he had a major case of blue balls. When the show starts, you don’t think Fabian is really that bad of a guy. He knows he made a mistake, and he even plans to propose to Rachel because he wants her in his life forever. But things go south quickly. He chastises her for scraping her plate with her fork as she eats, and he tries to make her give him a handjob once they’re in bed. All the while, she’s trying to actually apologize for basically pushing him to cheat by withholding sex, but he never lets her get a word out before saying/doing something stupid. Finally she declares that she deserves better than him, and basically laughs in his face when he proposes. That was some damn good television! If anything, I’d say the show is too short at 30 minutes, but they only spend one night together, and not the whole weekend, so I guess that’s all they could edit together. It’s a lot like MTV’s old show, The X Effect, only the couple’s current partners aren’t spying on the date like they were in that show. Anyway, it’s only been one episode, but I count me in for the next nine!

In TV news, it was announced that Game of Thrones showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have lined up their post-GoT project, Confederate, which is an alternate history series set prior to the United States’ 3rd Civil War. Well, this rang some alarm bells for some folks, as you can’t really get into the Confederacy and Civil War without dealing with slavery. And folks weren’t really happy about these White showrunners making what some considered to be “slavery fanfic”. What hasn’t been covered extensively, though, is that the project is really just coasting on the fact that the GoT showrunners are attached, but they’re not the only ones involved. Husband-wife team of Malcolm Spellman and Nichelle Tramble Spellman , who are Black, will be partners on the show along with Benioff and Weiss. Plus, the show it’s so deep in its infancy that there aren’t even character names or an outline yet. It was originally developed as a two-hour movie, but they decided it could be fleshed out and taken to television. There’s basically nothing on paper for it yet, though, so there’s not much for folks to be upset about at this stage other than mere speculation. The Spellmans acknowledge the criticism, but say that they’d rather it had followed the premiere of the show instead of starting now, as it’s being announced. At this point, I think it’s safe to say that this criticism will go into shaping the show going forward, so we may never get what they originally intended to put out.

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We got a new trailer for Marvel’s Inhumans. Still looks like garbage. I’ve loved Iwan Rheon since Misfits, but I can’t follow him here. This just looks so bad. Look, I’m gonna watch it, but I really don’t see how there’s any damn way I’m paying for an IMAX ticket to see it in theaters.

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We also got a new teaser for The Defenders, which teases the Punisher series at the end. People are going nuts online about this thing because it’s narrated by Stan Lee, but I actually think he’s tonally wrong for this clip. When I think of Stan, I think of his marquee, larger than life characters – NOT the street-level vigilantes. I almost feel like it would’ve been better narrated by Bendis or Brubaker, but they don’t have the recognition factor that Stan has. I get that. Still, it just feels like a hollow waste of a cameo.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

The good Lord answered my prayers, as Chris Hardwick and Comedy Central have “mutually decided” to end @midnight. I won’t miss his smarmy face or those stupid hashtag games.

I guess the third time’s the charm, as Paige Davis will start her 3rd hosting stint on Trading Spaces when it returns to TLC later this year

Ed Sheeran was on Game of Thrones this week, and I guess some folks didn’t like that. I dunno. I kinda couldn’t care less about Sheeran or GoT, but folks were hatin’!

Meanwhile, it was reported that Lena Dunham will join American Horror Story for season 7, and folks lost their shit about that, too. Apparently she’ll only be in one episode, but that was enough for some folks to claim they weren’t gonna watch anymore.

Transformers: Titans Return will debut in November as an animated micro series on the Go90 app, featuring the voices of Green Ranger Jason David Frank and the original Rodimus Prime himself, Judd Nelson.

MTV is in talks to reboot Teen Wolf before this iteration’s final season has even concluded. Slow it down!

Sega broke up with Archie Comics over Twitter, thereby ending the Sonic The Hedgehog comic after 24 years of publication

Seacrest IN! Ryan Seacrest has officially signed on to host ABC’s revival of American Idol. I feel like I’ve written this sentence 3 times in the past already, but now it’s for real for real.

Coming as no real surprise since The Vampire Diaries ended, The CW announced that its spinoff, The Originals, will end after its upcoming season.

In an odd choice, the directors of the original Catfish documentary (the movie, not the show) are in talks talks to helm a Mega Man film that will be produced by Masi Oka of Heroes fame.

Words with Friends is being developed into a television game show. Ya know, so it’s basically the Scrabble game show being rebooted.

Meanwhile on Black Twitter, R. Kelly is allegedly running a sex cult, Usher paid a woman $1.1 million for her to keep quiet about the fact that he gave her herpes, and Kevin Hart allegedly got caught cheating on his pregnant wife. I’m just waiting for some crazy Steve Harvey news to round out the week.

At San Diego Comic Con, MGM announced Stargate Origins, which appears to be a prequel webseries that will run on the Stargate Command website this fall.

Shazam! will be the next DC film to go into production, following Justice League and Aquaman, but it’s unclear if Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson will co-star as Black Adam.

There might soon be a new Cutco salesman on the block, as OJ Simpson has been granted parole from the armed robbery that landed him in prison nine years ago. The Juice is almost loose!

I love those weeks when the West Week Ever recipient presents itself early in the week, ’cause it’s pretty much smooth sailing after that. This was one of those weeks, as history was made across the pond. The Doctor Who franchise is over 50 years old, but every time the Doctor regenerates (a clever in-story mechanism for recasting the actor), he just turns into another White dude. That’s pretty much been the unending pattern since 1966, when the first regeneration occurred. Folks have been saying it’s time for a change, and they were hoping we’d either end up with a Doctor of color (with The IT Crowd‘s Richard Ayoade coming up in a lot of the discussions) or a woman Doctor. Well, half of them got their wish, as Attack the Block‘s Jodie Whittaker was announced as the 13th Doctor. And, as you’re probably not surprised, folks lost their shit.

We’re always taught the the Brits are so proper and upstanding, but the comments sections of several sites proved that they can troll with the best of them. At the end of the day, it’s a bunch of folks who are afraid of change. A friend of mine, however, did point out that the victors in these circumstances also tend to trigger the backlash against themselves. For example, it would be one thing if this was seen as a bold move forward for a progressive franchise. The problem, however, is that some people take it too far, and get on the “I’m savoring these fanboy tears” soapbox, making it about something that it really didn’t need to devolve into. Sometimes the winners can suck just as much as the losers in these scenarios. This can be seen as a “win” for some without it being a “loss” for someone else. How about framing it as a win for everyone? Nah, the internet doesn’t really work like that.

I have never gotten into the Doctor Who franchise because it just seems so daunting. Sure, folks claim you really only have to start with the Eccleston season, but when I get into something, I go ALL IN. To me, that’s like telling someone they can start Star Trek with The Next Generation (which I’d probably do, since I hate The Original Series, even though I’d still feel like I was cheating them out of an experience). I feel like I’d have to watch all 54 years of the show, which is impossible because those seasons ain’t streaming anywhere, and a good chunk of them have been lost to time. It’s a franchise that cannot be wholly consumed! I hate mysteries that can’t be solved. Still, I can respect a longstanding institution, and I understand when change is a big deal. It’ll be interesting to see how fans take to the new Doctor, but the one thing to remember is that she’ll probably do it for 2 years, and then regenerate into another old White guy (the Doctor role has the retention rate of a community college). So, everyone gets their wish! I am kinda curious about the next season, though, as rumor has it Kris Marshall (Colin: God of Sex from Love Actually) is going to be the Doctor’s next companion. I loved that dude!

Anyway, I know which side of history I want to be on, and it’ll be interesting to see this all play out. The way the franchise works, we won’t see her until the Christmas special, and then won’t see her again until late 2018 at the earliest. So, folks have got some time to get used to the idea. Still, I think it goes without saying that Jodie Whittaker had the West Week Ever.

#Christmas #DC #Marvel #Movies #Music #Politics #Power Rangers #Race #Religion #Social Media #Star Trek #Syndication #Television #Video Games #West Week Ever

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val-kill-queers-club · 7 years

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92 Questions Tag Tagged by @batorschlusspanik Answer the questions and DO IT IF YOU WANNA.   THE LAST: 1. Drink: Peach Snapple 2. Phone call: I called my…person at midnight the other night and told him I loved him for the first time.  3. Text message: My sister, wishing me happy birthday this morning.   4. Song you listened to: “Home” by Jeff Williams feat. Casey Lee Williams, although “Far Away Boys” by Flogging Molly just came on.  5. Time you cried: Jesus I don’t know?? There were a few happy tears and jittery shakes after the aforementioned conversation I had on the phone with my nugget the other night, if that counts?

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: yep, @marco   7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah, every experience I’ve had has taught me something. It was all worth it to learn. 8. Been cheated on: Nope  9. Lost someone special: Haven’t we all??

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Neon orange  13. Bright blue  14. Soft, grassy green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: collegeee  16. Fallen out of love: I don’t know if it was love after all  17. Laughed until you cried: I do this hella  18. Found out someone was talking about you: dude haters always hate, fuck em  19. Met someone who changed you: HELLA  20. Found out who your friends are: somewhat, yeah  21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yuh, at least one

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most??  23. Where is 23?? 24. Do you want to change your name: Sometimes??? I’ve always been a bit lowkey hatin’ on my name  25. What did you do for your last Birthday: went to the beach with my family…like have for the last 19 years now, to the day.  26. What time did you wake up: idk my cousin fuckin’ footed me in the head and I moved, if that counts 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: thinking about my nugget   28. Name something you can’t wait for: next week, when I go up to New York to visit my love noodle  29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like three goddamn minutes ago get out Michelle  30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: TAKE AWAY MY ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION PLS THANKS 31. What are you listening right now: A fucking loudass air conditioner  32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: aye me grandpa’s name is tom, he’s downstairs rn  33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my entire fucking FAMILY ahfofkjfkdlv  34. Most visited Website: the facebooks probs

LOST QUESTIONS 35. Mole/s: idk I have freckles n shit all over I’m not counting them fuckers  36. Mark/s: a freckle over my left upper lip and a dent in my head from where I hit it on a coffee table as a beeb 37. Childhood dream: being a pro horseback rider or working for the parks service (STILL TRYING OMG THX)   38. Haircolour: dirty blonde  39. Long or short hair: shortish? I’m growing it out.  40. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah my nugget  41. What do you like about yourself: HA like no things  42. Piercings: just two in the ol’ ears  43. Bloodtype: AB positive I think?   44. Nickname: Lexi, Comrade L-Kerch, Bolshie, Lex  45. Relationship status: undeclared but very there  46. Zodiac: Cancer but I’m more like a Leo  47. Pronouns: she/her  48. Favourite TV Show: Christ idk, House of Cards? The X-Files? Doctor Who for nostalgia? The Office?   49. Tattoos: yee, bull moose tatt on the inside of my left wrist  50. Right or left hand: leftie  51. Surgery: nah  52. Hair dyed in different color: blue, green, purple, bleach blonde, red  53. Sport: ah fuck that, horseback riding I guess  55. Vacation: reenactinggggg  56. Pair of trainers: CONVERSE EVERY DAAAY

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: birthday toast  58. Drinking: Snapple lmao  59. I’m about to: go and face my family and their touchy feely birthday wishes  61. Waiting for: motivation pls  62. Want: a great love to last a lifetime  63. Get married: if I do, I want it to be this fucker 64. Career: NPS or college prof, something with history

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: kisses  66. Lips or eyes: I love looking at mouths but probably eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller  68. Older or younger: older  70. Nice arms or nice stomach: A good personality  71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive and loud, aka me  72. Hook up or relationship: relationship  73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant but them impulsive troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: nah  75. Drank hard liquor: nah  76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: yeah one time I got so excited it was snowing out I got out of bed and stepped on them and snapped them in half  77. Turned someone down: yah  78. Sex in the first date: maaaybe? 79. Broken someone’s heart: yeah like 1000 people and I feel shit about all of them  80. Had your heart broken: yeh  81. Been arrested: nah  82. Cried when someone died: I don’t do that. 83. Fallen for a friend: yeah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: HEH   85. Miracles: yea  86. Love at first sight: nah  87. Santa Claus: FUCK YEAH DONT TAKE SANTA FROM ME OKAY IM AN ADULT THATS ALL I HAVE  88. Kiss on the first date: why the fuck not  89. Angels: nah

OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: Jackson, Marco, Andrew, Laurel 91. Eyecolour: brown   92. Favorite movie: Pleasantville or The Great Gatsby

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gonzogoth666-blog · 6 years

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yung pajamas, aka casper

Let me tell you, it isn’t every day that I’m willing to go out of my way to interview someone. Let me tell you something else: I can’t remember the last time I was so hyped to interview someone that I said, “Fuck it, let me give you a phone call.” This is one of those times.

ColdWaterGhost, aka Casper, aka Yung Pajamas, despite being only 20, is probably one of the most wild people on the Indy Underground. I had the fortune of not only meeting him, but seeing him perform at Larry Cartier’s X-Day, and boy does this kid go off. I woke up the morning after, and despite the body buzz and raging headache associated with the wonderful crossfaded hangover, I had it on my mind that I would interview him TODAY. So, I hit him up on the Twitter, worked out some details, and asked this dude some questions.

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WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT CARTIER’S SHINDIG?

“It was lit, bro. Everyone had good ass energy, everyone was going hard. This was the first show that I really did tech for, brought all the speakers and shit, and there really wasn’t no technical difficulties once the show went on. When they filmed the video for MOSHPIT, I saw two BIG ASS dudes go down and it was the most fried shit I’ve ever seen. I’d say it went pretty smoothly *laughs*.”

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR SET AND HOW YOU PERFORMED?

“Honestly, bro, in my opinion? I killed that shit. There was a great turn out, it was a really good vibe.”

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE CAUSE THE SHOW CONTRIBUTED TO?

“It’s a charity, there’s nothing better than that. We were all just out there, having a good time, enjoying the night, remembering one of the best musicians of our time. Ain’t nothing better than that.”

WHAT ABOUT THE DUDE FROM CALI OFF TWITTER?

“Oh, Juice? No Comment. Maybe it’s just ‘cuz he’s in Cali and we’re in Indy, like people change when they move out to LA, everyone does it once they get big. People have their opinions, and that’s all good with me.”

AS A RAPPER, WHO ARE YOUR BIGGEST INFLUENCES?

“Awh, shit... There are so many. First of all, X. He’s been my biggest influence by far. Of course, the first song I heard from him was Look at Me and honestly kind of laughed at it. I didn’t know who this kid was, you couldn’t find this shit on Google, YouTube, nothing. All it was, was XXX and all that shit, all that cult type shit. But once I started finding more of his music, I fucked with it more and more. Like, King of the Dead? Hard as fuck. Or, or, or, like, in Save Me where he just yells ‘FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!’, that’s me sometimes, know what I’m saying? I also fucks heavily with Chris Travis. The whole ColdWaterGhost thing, that was from him kinda. I know he didn’t start the whole water thing, but he took it and made it his own.”

I’M SORRY, CALL ME IGNORANT, BUT WATER?

“Yeah, water, you know? That shit’s good as hell for you, I’m tryna get everyone to stay hydrated and shit, you know?”

WAS THAT YOUR GOOFY ASS THAT BROUGHT THE CASE OF WATER?

“Absolutely, bro. I drink a fuck ton of water, and I was damn happy that people were out here stayin’ hydrated and shit.”

WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT PERFORMING?

“The most important thing to me is that everyone stays drinking water, especially when it gets all hot like it did. I don’t want no motherfuckers passing out cuz of heat stroke or whatever. I just wanna see everyone having a good time, you know? I love being together with people, I love that intimate and close feeling you get at a show like this. We’re like one big family.”

HOW DID YOU START AS A MUSICIAN?

“Well, for this one I met Cartier at a show I played in Muncie, and we linked up and he hit me up about this X-Day shit and I was there for sure. I’ve been rapping for a while now, actually. It started back in, uh, like 7th grade with me and the homie Grant. Grant had this XBox headset and a laptop, and all we did was make stupid ass songs with FL Studio. He had this RV by his house, and we used to sneak out at night and go smoke up and make these songs. We thought they snapped back then. I released a few songs, I guess, on an EP called “Just for Fun”. It didn’t mean anything, it wasn’t supposed to be serious. I didn’t really do much after that. It was like senior year of high school t hhat I started writing songs again, for real. It was PE class, and we had this sub, right? We could either play basketball or sit on the bleachers, and I suck at basketball so I rode the bleachers, and I was bored as fuck and I said, ‘Hey, fuck it, I’m gonna start writing songs’. I looked up this Smokepurpp type beat, and wrote a song called ‘Plug’. Like halfway through college, I went to ‘Ball State by the way, I linked up with this dude Feo. Feo is like my brother, man, and we started making music. I got my passion for making music, but I was trying to get my degree at the same time until I realized that I fucking hated this shit and music was my life choice.”

WHAT IS YOUR GOAL IN MUSIC?

“Man, I got so many goals in music. I know I want to do this shit for the rest of my life. Of course I can’t be no rockstar when I’m 50 and shit, but I want to be with it ‘til I die. One of these days, I want to own a venue, and it’s not just for shows and shit. It’ll be an all day thing, and there will be a bunch of rooms. Like, one room will be an art gallery with an exhibition and artists can sell their work, and another room will be like a pop-up shop with local brands. The big room, the main room, will be like this HUGE stage and it’ll be a ton of underground groups, bands, rappers, everything local. I want to keep everything here local. My music? I wanna make music that I want to listen to. I wanna make shit you can rage to. I don’t wanna be famous, I just want to work, I just want to make connections, I just want to put Indiana on the map for real.”

OKAY, LET’S WRAP THIS UP. WHO ARE YOU AND HOW HAS MUSIC MADE YOU?

“Well, I’m Yung Pajamas, you already knew that shit *laughs*. I’m just a goofy ass dude. My dad is really goofy, too. I grew up with that man, so I guess I get it from him a lot. He’s goofy as hell. My music, I love it. It reflects my personality; I’m just crazy. It’s great cuz I get full expression with my words, music, and clothes. I can wear whatever the fuck I want and it’s just normal, you know? Just like crazy ass shit, you know? You wanna know where the whole Yung PJ’s thing comes from? ((YES, OF COURSE. GO OFF.)) Well, it started back in 1st grade, they all called me PJ Boi because I stayed wearing my pajamas and shit to school. I’d go to parties at Ball State in my PJ’s. Who the fuck do you know that would go to a rager in fuckin’ pajamas? I don’t have to give a fuck, honestly, cuz all the dudes hatin probably broke and get no pussy *laughs*.”

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY?

“Yeah, bro, and make sure you get this direct from me, word for word:

FUCK BALL STATE.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I heavily, HEAVILY appreciate this man’s vibes, his eagerness to jump on this interview, and how fun it is to talk to him. I honestly can’t wait to go see this man rage again. Yung Pajamas is dropping some new tunes on July 23rd, so you can expect a review of the drop within that week. If you don’t already, follow this man on Twitter @coldwaterghost and Soundcloud at soundcloud.com/yung_pajamas.

This has been an interview. It’s late, I have to work in the morning, I’m gonna go sleep and shit.

Good Yard,

SAM NOVA ((xoxo))

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yagospaulo · 6 years

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Another day partaking in the internet’s favorite pastime: slandering Black women. The latest 0 Kelvin take is also a staple: Why Black women made me, a Black man, date white women. An opinion pieceso cold Mr. Freeze couldn’t hold it without losing a limb to frostbite has popped up frequently on popular sites that post “curated” community pieces for clicks. Full of misogynoir, toxic masculinity, and a level of entitlement that’s over 9000, you’d think wise editors would get hip to these problematic and unsupported think pieces, but like a noxious dog whistle, hatin’ on Black women gets clicks. Now dating on a whole isn’t easy. For anyone. People are complicated and attraction is a random mix of chemistry and compatibility. Plus everyone is looking for something different in a partner and relationship, and those somethings can change at any moment. But I get it. Sometimes acknowledging the complexities of human emotions and relations requires too much brain power. That whole “understanding another person” thing takes a long time — better to make sweeping generalizations about entire races of women rather than see what you might be lacking, because according to everybody, especially relationship geniuses like Steve Harvey, Tyrese, and Rev Run, women are always the reason relationships aren’t working out.

Don’t worry though — this Black woman is here to help you. Here are 7 reasons why you, yes you, sir, aren’t getting the women you want.

1. YOU’RE BORING

First things first: if I ask you to tell me about yourself, what are you going to say? You gonna make be sit through shit I hate? Are we about to spend everyday posted up on your couch/futon/pallet in the basement watching basketball? You gonna make me sit through all 8 million episodes of Naruto even though I said I’m not into anime? Am I about to spend hours watching you play XBox with your one controller? Can you only talk about one thing whether I like it or not? Can you talk to me at all or do we just sit in awkward ass silence heavy as Rock Lee’s training weights? If I’m finna be spending all our time together killing my phone battery and data plan scrolling Twitter and Instagram then I’mma probably gratefully accept the L that is not dating you.

2. YOU’RE UNATTRACTIVE

Real talk, how do you look? I’m not talking about ugly or pretty — those are subjective, and while one person may not find you attractive someone else will. I’m talking about things you can control. Do you look like you care about your appearance? Do your clothes fit? Are you ashy? Do you smell? Is your hair a mess? You can’t roll around with a butter knife lineup and expect women to fall at your feet.

One universal truth about dating is that you won’t meet the person at their realest in those early days. You meet their representative: the best or better version of themselves. So if you sun up on me looking like you couldn’t be bothered to bathe before coming out… it’s gonna be a no from me dawg because you upsetting me and my homegirl.

3. YOU’RE SELF-CENTERED

Quick scenario: You’re on a first date with a woman. You want to talk about the intricacies of a shared Transformers/Fast and Furious universe, but your date hasn’t kept up with either. What do you do? Keep talking about something she doesn’t understand and isn’t interested in, or change the subject and figure out what interests you both share? We meet up for coffee, are you talking about yourself or are you asking about me as well? Name 3 things you learned about the last 2 women you went out with. Are we about to only be doing the things you like? If I know 50-eleven things about you and you only know my eyes are brown because I’m Black then I’mma take a hard pass.

4. YOU’RE TRASH

Are you misogynistic, sexist, classist, homophobic, transphobic, or otherwise bigoted? Are you a pallet gynecologist who believes vaginas get loose with use or that female orgasms are a myth? Do you think women are only lesbians because they know men like it? Do you think women are built to submit to their man while simultaneously building them up like their children? Do you look to any of the aforementioned relationship geniuses for legit advice? Do you have only bad things to say about women who aren’t attracted to you? Do you believe in plots to emasculate the Black man and destroy the Black family? Do you send unsolicited dick pics with shitty lighting? If you answered yes to any of these questions or you retweet those relationship cartoon memes or the words “dress how you want to be addressed” like they’re profound, then I only have one thing to say:

5. YOU SEE A TROPHY, NOT A PERSON

You know women have desires and interests and hopes and wishes and opinions and all that shit you do, right? She’s not just there to always hype you up (even when you’re deadass, headass wrong) or gargle your ballsack. Contrary to what the government majority and internet dudes think, women are people. Like living, breathing, existing humans. Wild, right? If you don’t want someone who is actually going to feel some kinda way about things that isn’t always going to be the way you feel, you don’t want a girlfriend. You want a warm grapefruit with a hole in it. So microwave it for 10 seconds and go to town. I promise it won’t talk back.

6. YOU DON’T LIKE YOURSELF

Be honest: when you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? I don’t mean do you wake up everyday believing 100% that you’re some Adonis, Beyoncé, god’s gift to the Earth, universe, and everything in-between — that’s just unrealistic — but if you had to spend time with just yourself, could you stand the tie alone? Do you spend all your time focused on what someone else is that you aren’t? If that’s a yes, go sit in your prayer closet and be your own hype man. Because if you can’t stand to be around you, why would anyone else?

7. YOU’RE NOT THE ONE

You know how sometimes you see a woman and you’re not attracted to her? Or you like the way a woman looks but once you get to know her y’all just don’t click? Or you meet someone and y’all are great friends but you know it’ll never go beyond that? Well imagine all of that, but imagine it’s a woman feeling those ways about you instead of the other way around. I know it’s hard, but sometimes people — individual people — just don’t like you. Here’s the honest truth, all jokes aside: you could be amazing, wonderful, interesting, intelligent, sweet, and the person you like still may not like you. The shit sucks, but keep it moving. There’s someone out there who will like you just the way you are and you’ll feel the same way about them. No need to drag anyone else into it.

Congratulations on making it through. You’ve taken the first step towards letting yourself be great and keeping Black woman slander out of your mouth. The reward for step one is self-satisfaction. Do better, and you’ll get probably get more.

And as a final word: no one cares about your non-black girlfriend, wife, partner, fiancé, whichever. If she makes you happy, that’s all that matters. I promise you, any Black woman who isn’t trash herself is too busy living her own life to stress over why you’re “dating outside your race.” Seriously. Save yourself the carpal tunnel and think pieces.

By Brittany N. Williams/ BlackNerdProblems*, AFROPUNK contributor

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junker-town · 7 years

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Trash Or Nawl: Of Course Mike Ditka Ain’t Seen No Racisms

Welcome to Trash Or Nawl, a weekly column to help you weed through the Internet Muck. To do that, I’ll be breaking it down to a helpful binary: Is something trash? Or nawl? Topics here will involve sports and whatever else the hell I say is sports or sports adjacent. I’ll do my best to make sense of what's going on each week, but the thing to remember is no matter what I say, most of these things are still trash.

You might say this is simplistic, and hell yeah it is. This is how I make sense of the chaos. Professional grade hating restores power to my powerless stupid fan hands. I give a middle finger because I've given up clapping.

Trash or Nawl criteria: We will pick a topic. We will breakdown why or why it isn't trash. You can agree, you can comment or tweet your disagreements. Or we can fight. Really, it's up to you.

Mike Ditka says there has been no oppression in 100 years

Ya mans Mike Ditka is out here lettin the choppa spray on you assholes who swear black people are out here still oppressed in this country. No, wait. Wait. No, hold on. Forreal, y’all. He really was out here with the fire quotes. Shit was so hot a tiki torch in Charlottesville got its embers. (It’s like an angel getting its wings. But, you know, racist.)

“All of a sudden, it’s become a big deal now, about oppression,” Ditka told Jim Gray on Westwood One’s pregame show ahead of the Bears’ “Monday Night Football” loss to the Vikings. “There has been no oppression in the last 100 years that I know of. Now maybe I’m not watching it as carefully as other people.”

NAHHHHHHHHH IT GETS BETTER

“If you don’t respect our country, then you shouldn’t be in this country playing football,” he said. “Go to another country and play football. If you had to go somewhere else to try to play the sport, you wouldn’t have a job. So that would be my take. If you can’t respect the flag and the country, then you don’t respect what this is all about. So I would say, adios.”

Abernathy, please check the “You blacks go back to where you came from” box on “White America Rides Again” bingo card.

Of course there ain’t been no oppression, my guy. Our country was found by Notable White Man Christopher Columbus. And made great by Notable White Man George Washington and Notable White Man Robert E. Lee and Notable White Man Ronald Regan. And, now, is in a harmonious time period under president, and Notable White Man, Donald Trump.

**intercom buzzes**

Oh, huh? That’s all bullshit? The country was built by kidnapped black folk turned slaves and that’s a Great White Lie underpaid history teachers give to third graders? Right. Forgot. Anyway.

OF COURSE Mike Ditka ain’t seen no racisms, dummy. Ditka is a dude who puffed cheap-ass cigars and became the White Patron Saint of Football in the eighties because he embodied the core principles of any white dude playing a sport that is not golf: #Grit, #Passion, #Desire, #ALoveForTheGameYouBlacksCan’tPossiblyHave.

This is the allure of Ditka to the union workers on the North Side of Chicago who just found out the Cubbies no longer have a completely white squad anymore: He won a Super Bowl for a currently trash football team and then got a steakhouse named after him.

Goddamn, it’s Good To Be White...I hear.

The only time Ditka has seen oppression is when he went to his fave Polish sausage house and they were outta brats. He ain’t get to eat no brats. He wanted to stuff, like, 7 brats into that sweet potato head of his. And you know how many he got to eat? Zero. Zero brats. This why we had to have slaves. Oppression musta been crazy for ya mans.

Verdict: 1980s brand trash

Joel Embiid Is The Greatest Center Alive

HELLO.

I AM GOOD FOR NOTHING IF I CANNOT BLESS YOU WITH SOME PRO-SIXERS PROPAGANDA.

Joel Embiid is better than that current bald dude you call a center on your team. Unless your team is the mighty flock of bandits in the beloved super-city of Philadelphia. Dark Skin Dirk is out here clownin’ these D-League rejects and getting paid 30 million in 2022. Your fave could never.

Hell you supposed to do with this, dog http://pic.twitter.com/g9OeTD85yK

— Tyler R. Tynes (@TylerRickyTynes) October 12, 2017

And to the 37 assholes that responded to this tweet with “call the offensive foul,” it was a real funny joke the first 36 times.

Look man, JoJo is the shit. If you hatin, it’s because you root for the Pelicans and one of your big men don’t got no space between his brows and the other one...alright, I ain’t saying shit about Boogie because I ain’t trine fight him.

Errbody else tho is trash. That dude who got mushed by a point guard. That dude wit 50 guns and 20 snakes in his house. And that dude from Europe who had cornrows as a baby.

If you don’t play in Philly, you not from Philly or you don’t embrace our bullshit customs and tribalism, I don’t wanna hear from you. Aye, Bron, we coming for what’s left of ya hairline, beloved.

Verdict: Extremely Not Trash

Whoever In That BYU Mascot, We Gotta Talk

I know y’all seen this

youtube

Aye, this ain’t about the fact that Cosmo the Cougar and Cougarettes have moves. This is about the fact that someone has tapped into Black America’s secret supply of rhythm and has been selling it for cheap on the Black Market to soccer moms in the Midwest in knockoff lululemon.

An SB Nation investigation (or me spending 5 minutes on Google) shows that the last 20 BYU mascots have been random, white dudes. The fifties allowed for, at least, one woman (Peggy Heron Mortensen) to share the role with another man.

So although Cosmo got it lit one time for the homies on the Mormon missions in Utah, y’all ain’t finna lie to me and tell me that ain’t a white man in that costume. I ain’t never seen a white man in my life hit a seamless transition from an arms out shuffle to a Milly Rock to a front flip. Nah, b. That’s Hood Gymnastics. This must be where all the blackness gets syphoned when they remodel our shit during gentrification. Whatever molded Marshawn Lynch is being fed to blonde Beckys in Salt Lake City.

All I’m asking, magical human in the Cosmo costume, is to reveal yourself so you can get a personal invite to the cookout. But if you white, nah, you can’t come in them light up Sketchers in ya closet. Sorry, G. You gotta come dressed as the cat.

Verdict: Not Trash...Yet

If you disagree with these verdicts, comment below. As stated earlier, you can agree, comment, tweet through your frustration or fight. Really, it’s up to you.

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