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thelavendercatalogue · 9 months

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============= Fujiko refused to look down; refused to open her eyes. It wasn't even the lies, really. They'd all lied to each other sometimes, occasionally for semi decent reasons. Sometimes it was pettiness or misdirection, but rarely was there any true malice behind it.

No it wasn't the lie, it was the days of shock endured while Jigen rode off into the sunset to safely hide away his greatest treasure while the rest of them mourned. The pain, the confusion, the Loss. It had been overwhelming and all consuming and even though they knew better now, it still left nightmares that would take time to fade and unseen wounds that would need time to close.

There was a rustle and the crackle of aching knees and Fujiko started lightly when Jigen slid his calloused hands gingerly around her. One settled on her hip as the other coiled behind her, pressing every so lightly at the small of her back as if expecting her to lash out.

A scruffy beard suddenly pressed against her midriff, two pricks of dampness above chapped lips and made all the more poignant by all the bare skin under her still half buttoned shirt.

Stay

He didn't say it aloud, but she heard it just as well as he mouthed the request against her skin.

Fujiko opened her eyes to the dim salt-lamp glow. For a single moment she suffered the idea of mocking him for such a sudden and alien show of vulnerability. Usually she went for the kill when she saw even the tiniest crack. It was who she was. But whatever she was about to say died on her lips the moment she looked down.

Jigen Daisuke, master marksman, deadly hitman, stubborn asshole and Lupin's most loyal partner was on his knees in front of her. He looked up, his hat tilting back and she caught a rare, open stare from the man who had to hide his eyes because of how fucking hard they betrayed him with anything not a car or gun.

The lamplight betrayed where the moisture had come from and the pure, raw emotion struck her harder than a punch to the gut.

Pain, fear, desperation, uncertainty, and exhaustion filled Jigen's eyes. He was hurting, lonely, and trying to cope in the hell their lives had become since Lupin's accident.

She could no more have left him than chewed off her own finger, though she was still a ways off from completely forgiving him.

Sighing, she flicked his nose and it sickened her how he flinched.

"Pathetic Jigen, really. That's Lupin's shtick, not yours. Let me go pee and get my shit. It's too late to head back tonight anyway."

She tossed her hair just enough for show as he hesitantly let her go and walked primly past him without a second glance and shut the door before she could hear his tears.

When she returned, he was seated on the edge of the bed, still in one of the boxers he 'borrowed' from Lupin. He really was a loyal, sentimental creature. Sometimes she'd mock him for that, but tonight she simply changed into her night gown and slipped in beside him.

He reached over to turn off the lamp and she rolled over so he could slide in behind her.

"Just know that if I wake up cold, I'm stealing all of the blankets and banishing you to the couch for treating a lady so poorly."

She was giving him permission to curl up with her. The man was just as bad a cuddle fiend as his stupid master, but she didn't have to be too nice about it.

Regardless, when he snaked his long, wiry arms around her and gently tucked her head under his chin she sank into his comforting warmth.

Perhaps she needed this too. They all did. But it would always feel off without the cloying, snoring, gropey monkey beside them.

'Lupin better hurry the fuck up and heal.' She thought to herself. 'Then I'm going to strangle him for all this shit.'

As if he had read her mind, Jigen gently squeezed her hip with a soft sigh.

They didn't need to say anything more and drifted off to sleep still baring a raw and opened thief shaped hole in their hearts.

=============

Fan snippet for Lavender Jacket Series, written by @johnhawkens

#lupin iii #lupin the third #daisuke jigen #jigen #lupin the 3rd #jigen daisuke #Fujiko mine #Lupin III: The Lavender Jacket Series #fan art #Hawkens #fujigen

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lukewarmoverthinker · 2 years

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⚠️ major Stranger Things 4 vol 2 spoiler⚠️

me: i’m not going to be sad when eddie dies because i already know for a fact he is going to, the foreshadowing is really obvious.

also me when i ended up being right:

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danni-fangirldoodles · 2 years

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argyle sketches

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reasonsforhope · 2 months

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You know that whole trope/adage/etc. about the fact that people are strongest and most powerful when united against a common enemy?

Climate change is a common enemy for all of humanity. And unlike most instances of "banding together against a common enemy," fighting climate change doesn't require hurting anyone - only healing each other and the world.

So let's all band together and hurt the hell out of some oil company profit margins instead of each other.

#me #not news #hope #humanity #hope posting #climate change #genuinely though I do think climate change has the potential to be and keep being an genuinely significant #or even world changing #driver of international development and international cooperation #as paul hawken of project drawdown says #climate change isn't just a tragedy #it is also a chance to remake our whole world for the better

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varivahl · 5 days

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I dream of Hawken

#mecha #hawken #fps #varivahl

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gerardpilled · 1 year

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sept. 26, 2011

#gerard way #2011 #photos by:#lindsey hawken

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septirgo · 2 years

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Them 😌✊🏽💞

Ethan Hawke look like their dad, taking them to the premiere, and I'm loving it

Oh, just a question to all viewers out there.

I'm in need of friends who like Ethan Hawke and the upcoming Black Phone movie, would anyone be interested to be friends with me? 🥺💖

Its gets pretty lonely.

Alright, laters gators to you all! Stay safe and stay hydrated! ❤️

#ethan hawke #the black phone #the grabber #madeleine mcgraw #mason thames #finney shaw #gwen shaw #blumhouse #horror #slasher #arthur harrow #moon knight #dead poet society #hawkenation

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maryellencarter · 5 months

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okay, this may not be terribly coherent, but i think if anyone in the fandom still follows me, it's important for them to know.

earlier this summer, in addition to my wonderful partner of 6 years @camshaft22 , i agreed to date @johnhawkens , my gaming buddy. i knew he'd had some trouble with alcoholism previously, but he swore he was sober now. after losing my job, i moved up here so we could try to get disability and housing together, because arizona was absolutely horrendous for being homeless and i was not doing that a third time. the social services in this state are indeed much better. however, he had a lot of trouble with various applications falling through, crossed communications, and so forth. after three months in a group halfway house, they couldn't keep him any longer but he had nowhere else to go, so he wound up moving back in with his folks, who did not want him there but were prepared to tolerate him if he kept working hard on his housing.

on friday, november 10, i'm trying to be precise in my dates as far as i've been able to figure out, he got like four different pieces of bad news at once. he dug out some stashed liquor he'd hidden in his room about six months previous (before the halfway house or anything), got drunk, hid the bottle, forgot he hid the bottle, woke up and couldn't find it, assumed his folks had rifled through his stuff while he was asleep, and confronted them about hiding the bottle. this did not go well.

(he's always told me his folks are abusive, and i haven't questioned it too hard as mine definitely were, but i really have to wonder how much is... well, for example, do they actually go through his stuff when he's asleep or does he merely get confused and think they did?)

saturday and sunday, the 11th and 12th, were rough. i comforted him as much as i could, offered to drive up and get him, offered to help with his paperwork, talk to his case managers, whatever. on saturday he told me his father was insisting on seeing his paypal in order to find out if he had bought alcohol, and therefore sent me all the money in it to hold while he deleted the entire account to remove the history. he said he didn't want to get scolded for "unnecessary" purchases like games, which, sure, fine, my folks were like that, but it does mean he can't prove to anybody he *didn't* buy alcohol. (he's set it back up with the same email now.)

on sunday night, the 12th, he went radio silent, except for one DM to me about half past one on monday morning, which as far as i could find out was the last anyone had heard from him. i gave it a couple days, poking him on discord, texting him, calling him, and finally on tuesday evening, the 14th, i started messaging everyone i knew who talked to him, asking if they'd heard anything. nobody had.

on wednesday, i was basically assuming he'd killed himself and i'd missed my chance early monday morning to talk him down. i started looking up obituaries. i started talking about memories of him with his friends, at least the ones i'm reasonably close to myself. and i started to find out that his versions of some stories he'd told me were... weirdly different, from the ways the other people in the same stories remembered them. the other people's versions often seemed more in character to everyone i thought i knew.

we also found out that some of the times he'd messaged us for money lined up weirdly with times he'd claimed to have "drug interactions" making him act strange, and times he'd asked me for a lift. furthermore, i'd recently found out that his free phone "through insurance" was actually a lifeline program phone, which is all income-based through the government, so the time he'd told several of us that he needed a one-time payment to be allowed to keep it... did not fit with how i know the lifeline program actually works, especially since his carrier is verizon-owned and i have the entire verizon internal policy page on lifeline right up here in my damn photographic memory. so we sort of found ourselves edging toward "we hate to disbelieve our friend but we're having trouble making the puzzle pieces fit into the shape he wants".

on wednesday night he messaged me to let me know he was alive. hadn't eaten, hadn't slept, had just been existing in a depression spiral. which, okay, yeah, i've been there. we didn't talk much then because it was my bedtime and honestly i crashed hard from the relief of knowing he was alive.

on thursday, i didn't hear from him. in the evening i called him, and he sounded horrible, couldn't put more than two words together at a time. He told me he'd been having "waking nightmares", and at the time, I was like yeah, that happens to me when I'm off my CPAP, I get so sleep deprived I hallucinate and can't actually fall asleep, it's a problem. I told him he had to get to a hospital, preferably the one near me so I could visit, and he agreed to talk to his folks about it in the morning.

In the morning, we coordinated, his mom and I exchanged numbers, and they agreed to drive him down to the hospital. His mom sounded super happy that he had someone as committed as me who'd be able to give him the support he needed. I met them at the hospital that afternoon -- traffic was absolutely horrendous, so they had to head back home immediately, but they were happy to leave John in my hands, and he indicated he'd rather have me handle it than them as well.

John used to be a 911 dispatcher, so he does at least know that you fucking tell the medics what you've been drinking. Which it seems is why he didn't want his folks around for his intake, because that's when he dropped the bombshell that after running out of liquor made for drinking, he'd continued with isopropyl alcohol, better known as rubbing alcohol.

This hospital has a unique setup where if you're at the ER for psych issues, they don't necessarily whole-ass admit you to the psych ward, they have these little overnight "pods" where you can spend the night and they can assess you. So once John was checked in, I spent a few hours cuddling with him and chatting.

I got his meds list (and eventually found out that combining his particular meds with alcohol will cause hallucinations, hence the "waking nightmares"). He told me enough about the disgusting taste of the rubbing alcohol and how difficult it was to choke down enough to get a buzz off it, that I definitely believe he had been drinking it, although his breathalyzer came back zero so probably not as recently as he thought he had. He also told me that at some point, my best guess is Thursday, he got back in touch with @dukeswonderousmenagerie who let him know that AO3's oxfordRoulette had posted a new Jiglup oneshot; John attempted to read the oneshot, found that his reading comprehension was badly impaired, decided *getting drunk would help*, and managed to down enough rubbing alcohol to get a buzz for about 10-30 minutes (his time sense is also utterly fucked but I can't judge anyone for that), after vomiting it up multiple times.

After leaving the hospital so John could get a night's sleep, I talked the matter over with Leia. I told her the hospital would almost certainly only hold him overnight, especially since he'd told them he didn't have a plan to kill himself. ("He doesn't *think* he has a plan, but if he goes back home he will die," I said.) She agreed that I needed to fight with the hospital doctors to refer him to rehab, or however that works. My bunkmate here at the shelter, who used to be a hospice nurse, told me exactly who at the hospital I should make my case to, but warned me it would be a waiting game.

I hoped to get to the hospital on Saturday morning, the 18th, before they discharged him, and go directly to the doctors. I did not manage this; by the time I got there, John was already sitting right by the elevators and had called his folks for pickup. (He insists that he called me first but couldn't get through, and being a cell phone professional I know I can't quite disprove it, but I sure didn't have any missed calls. I had his number set to ring even when my phone is silenced, too.)

I asked John to let me talk to the doctors to refer him to rehab, a sober house, *anything* but going back to a place where he was already depressed enough to drink rubbing alcohol. He flat-out refused. He told me rehab was the worst experience of his life, and I listened closely while he rambled about it and did not manage to communicate any other reason to me except "I couldn't drink". He insisted he absolutely had to be somewhere he could "get out and about". (He also admitted he'd been able to get an Uber order of alcohol while he was at his halfway house, although he insists that was before I was up here and nothing to do with any of the times he asked me for money or -- God forgive me -- the time I ran a fundraiser for him.)

So he went back north with his folks. I talked to Leia about the conversation I'd had with him, and she was like "I know he doesn't want them to know but we have got to tell his folks to dump out the rubbing alcohol, for his own safety", and I was like "I just wish I knew if that was the right choice" and she was like "I'll do it and take full responsibility, blame me". So that's what we did. Leia texted his mom, his mom told him "we cannot be the support you need, get out of here and call 911 or a rehab".

And John called me, demanded I lie and say it was all a misunderstanding, insisted that if he has to go to rehab or any locked-down living situation where he can't get liquor he will just die sooner. I conferenced Leia into the call, following the plan.

Now, you have to know that Leia does not lie. Ever. Ever ever. I don't think she has in her entire adult life, or something like that. It's her one rule of morality. I absolutely expected her to laugh in his face, "fuck no I will not lie for you, listen to yourself, you have to get it together, man".

Instead, she folded. I did not realize she was so traumatized from the last much worse time I was on the streets, back in 2018, that she couldn't make herself be responsible for someone else being put out on the streets.

I told him, "She doesn't lie, man. Ever." He begged and pleaded and wheedled and demanded, and... She agreed to lie for him. She went -- scary, so scary it wasn't even sexy, scarier than Keith Silverstein Lupin at his darkest, she threatened him that if he ever drinks again he will die slowly and painfully, but he didn't take any of it seriously, which is possible even stupider than drinking isopropyl alcohol.

But anyway, she told John's mom it was all a misunderstanding. She's the worst liar ever, she sounded like she was reading a script against her will, but her normal affect is so autistically flat anyway that Mama Hawkens (this is not her real name) bought it. I did make John convince her to put the isopropyl alcohol in his parents' bathroom past a gauntlet of security cameras, anyway, but he's already bragged to me in the past that he knows how to dodge or circumvent security cameras.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but his mom was right to want to throw him out. Me, I'm saying this. But it was her only possible remaining bit of leverage to try to get him to seek help. And it didn't work, because of me, because I wasn't strong enough to tell him no myself, because I put Leia on the spot.

If he had asked for help, if he'd been "my folks are throwing me out and I have no ride, come up here and get me to a rehab", I would have done it, even if it'd taken all night and had lost me my bed at the shelter. But he didn't. He doesn't want help. He wants enabling. He'd rather be somewhere he can drink, even if he's in fear of his life (I don't know any longer how accurately).

It took me some time to figure out how to break up with him. I've never gone through a breakup before. But if he can and will mess with *Leia's* head that severely, he is not a safe man to talk to, for me or anyone. He will make you sympathize and take his side. He will suck all the money out of you that he can and drink it away. And eventually, someday, he will die.

I told Mama Hawkens "I still want to hear about any major developments with him, if you'd be willing to text me." I told John, "Don't kid yourself that this means I'd ever take you back. I want to know when you die, so your remaining friends can be spared the pain of not knowing."

*shrugs* I don't know how to end this post. Feel free to ask me any questions. I may be slow to answer. I... I loved the man I thought he was. We were going to make a life together. I'm still crying, grieving. I've lost both my Jigen buddies in about six months flat. But I can't be with someone who can or will even *think* of demanding that Leia lie for them. I know I can't even talk to him again or he'll get right back under my skin. I'm a mess, but I just want my side of the story out there, for when his next poor deceived enabler starts trying to figure out the truth.

edit: I JUST FOUND OUT HE WAS ALREADY DATING SOMEONE ELSE ONLINE WHEN HE PROPOSITIONED ME

wow i guess i have a whole story about my crazy ex now huh *yikesarooni*

#alcoholism tw #homelessness tw #self harm tw #i don't know how to tag this #johnhawkens #john hawkens

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houseofbrat · 18 days

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Meghan cited a "convention" that the grandchildren of the monarch are titled prince or princess. Under protocol set up by King George V in 1917, the children and grandchildren of a sovereign have the automatic right to the title HRH, or His or Her Royal Highness, and the title of prince or princess. That extension does not apply to the great-grandchildren of a monarch, although Queen Elizabeth made an exception giving the titles to William's children because they are directly in the line of succession. When Archie was born, Harry and Meghan announced his name as Archie Mountbatten-Windsor, the surname used by the royal family. But, as Meghan pointed out in the interview, Archie and the baby girl they're expecting this summer would be entitled to become prince and princess when Harry's father, Prince Charles, becomes king. "Even with that convention I'm talking about — while I was pregnant, they said they wanted to change the convention for Archie. Well why?" Meghan said. She said she was never given an answer.

~ CBS News, Meghan says Archie's title was not royal family's "right to take away," 09 March 2021

Discussing the move on the latest episode of the Palace Confidential series, the Mail on Sunday's Assistant Editor Kate Mansey said the newly-appointed Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh were surprised to learn that James would not inherit his father's new title. She explained: 'My sources say that they had assumed that they would get the Duke and Duchess title and it would go to James. Because why would you get a Dukedom and it not pass to your son?' However, Kate said this is an example of King Charles 'looking ahead' to the future of his 'slimmed down' monarchy.

She continued: 'As James gets older has his children, they have children, you're [left with] a Duke of Edinburgh title that is so far removed from the Crown. 'And it's a really important title. You can't have a situation where the Duke of Edinburgh is in several generations' time so far removed so as not to be considered royal.'

~ Kate Mansey, as quoted by Lydia Hawken, "Prince Edward and Duchess of Edinburgh 'always assumed' his new title would be passed down to their son James - but King Charles is 'looking ahead' to future of his 'slimmed down monarchy', Kate Mansey tells PALACE CONFIDENTIAL"

The Duke of Edinburgh’s comments at the garden party for the Duke of Edinburgh’s award, where he mentioned that everyone changing their title in a single year can get complicated, is now taking on a rather sinister tone in my mind.

~ @helenaaurellia, 10 June 2023

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