#how many times did i say lactose intolerance on this post

[pollenallergie]

Eddie-isms

Since the last set of miscellaneous best friend!Eddie headcanons I posted did so well, I figured I’d type up some more. :)

18+

do not interact if you’re under 18 years old!

Eddie makes fun of you for being lactose intolerant. “Bunny, you can’t even digest ice cream correctly. It’s like god wanted you to live a joyless life.” <3

Eddie sneezes obnoxiously loud. He doesn’t really do it on purpose, he’s just a naturally loud sneezer. <3

Remember how I said Eddie loves naps? Yeah, if he gets bored with whatever he’s doing, he’ll just drag you back to the bedroom for an impromptu nap and you kind of just have to accept it. <3

Eddie will challenge you to a burping contest and he expects you to put in genuine effort every single time because “this is not a game, this is serious shit.” <3

Eddie takes periodic breaks from smoking and drinking to make sure that he doesn’t build up too high of a tolerance. During these breaks he simply replaces drugs with sugar, which is somehow worse. He’s like a hyper little kid on Halloween night. <3

Eddie still goes to a pediatrician/family medicine doctor and he gets very upset when they don’t offer him a lollipop and a sticker at the end of his appointment. “Why did I even show up? What’s the point in me even being here if they’re not gonna give me anything, jitterbug? I really fucking wanted that Gandalf sticker. This is horseshit.” <3

Eddie calls french toast “eggy-loaf.” No one knows where he got that name from, but he’s been calling it that for as long as you’ve known him. <3

Eddie’s gotten poison ivy way too many times to count. He got it on his dick twice in the summer of ‘84. Wayne laughed at him both times. <3

Most of the mugs in the Munsons’ collection are technically Wayne’s, but the Garfield mug? That’s 100% Eddie’s. He got it on a road trip with Wayne when he was ten and has heralded it as one of his most prized possessions ever since. Interestingly, when Eddie drinks coffee in the morning, he uses one of Wayne’s mugs because he refuses to use his special Garfield mug for anything other than hot cocoa and soup. One time you made the mistake of brewing Eddie some tea in his Garfield mug while he was sick. Of course, Eddie still drank the tea because he’s not wasteful, but he did so while glaring at you ceaselessly. <3

Eddie is a lighter thief… and a scrunchie thief… and a pencil thief… and a t-shirt thief. Basically anything that you own also belongs to Eddie and he will take it without warning. In his defense, he doesn’t mean to steal anything from you, he just borrows your stuff and forgets to give it back to you. <3

Eddie draws little sketches for you all the time. For example, he once drew you a picture of your favorite flower cradled in the bony hand of a skeleton; it was actually insanely good. However, instead of giving them to you like a normal person, he folds them into paper airplanes and throws them at you as hard as he can. <3

Eddie says “safety” every single time he farts. <3

Eddie almost always has a tiny piece of gravel caught in his shoe, it’s the bane of his existence. <3

Eddie is surprisingly strong (as we all know) and he uses that strength for nefarious purposes, like body slamming you onto the couch for no fucking reason; something he does almost daily. He always finishes this epic move by pinning you down and counting to three. Then he’ll spend the next two minutes celebrating his “victory.” <3

When Eddie gets really excited, he’ll grab your hand and squeeze it just a little too tight. He doesn’t even really mean to do that, or at least he doesn’t mean to squeeze quite so hard, but he can’t really contain himself when he gets all hyped up. <3

You’ve learned not to talk about how heavy/big you are around Eddie because he almost sees it as a challenge. “What, so you think I can’t pick you up? You think I can’t lift that much? You think I’m a whimp, huh?” He’ll then hoist you into the air just to prove a point. <3

Also, whenever you talk badly about yourself in front of him, he makes you say three things that you like about yourself off the top of your head. It’s a trick that you started using on him during the dark days of puberty and, honestly, you regret teaching it to him. <3

Eddie is insanely competitive when it comes to board games, especially Pictionary. <3

Eddie often randomly challenges you to thumb wars and, when you don’t accept, he pouts like a baby. <3

Whenever Eddie’s hands get cold, he’ll sneak up behind you and press them against your cheeks or the back of your neck just to shock you. <3

Eddie loves it when you torment him like he does to you because he thinks you look especially beautiful when you’re being ornery. <3

Eddie talks about you to the new Hellfire members as if you’re dead and not just away at college. “Our very own Hellfire queen, the beloved bearer of snacks, may her memory live on forever,” He declares theatrically. “Oh, damn, how’d she die?” One of the freshmen asks. Gareth sighs, “She’s not dead, Munson’s just a dweeb.” <3

He impersonates Yoda… like a lot, one could even say he does it a little too often. <3

“Grub, can you turn your music down a bit? I’m trying to study.” “Do or do not. There is no try.” “Eddie!” <3

Also slips into Shakespearean mode every now and then. <3

“Hey, grub, should I wear my hair up or down with this dress?” “To wear it up or to wear it down, that is the question.” “Dude, you’re such a dork.” <3

He’s tried to create a special friendship handshake for the two of you multiple times, but the problem is he makes them way too complicated so neither of you can remember them. <3

Any time you have ever worn a two piece swimsuit in front of him, he’s blown a raspberry on your tummy. He doesn’t do it to embarrass you or to make you feel insecure about your belly, quite the opposite, he likes your belly so much that he can’t suppress the primal urge to blow a raspberry on it every time he sees it. In his mind, it makes perfect sense, but, in yours, not so much. <3

Eddie physically cannot go twenty-four hours without seeing you or, at least, talking to you on the phone. <3

Eddie will take you and your friends to see a rom-com if you ask him too. If it’s good enough, he’ll even secretly enjoy it too. <3

Eddie actually really enjoys hanging out with you and your friends, so much so that he’ll forever be bitter about the fact that he’s not allowed to come to your group sleepovers. Of course, you want to invite him, but they typically take place at one of your friends houses and, given that he is a dude that’s attracted to women and that has the capacity to knock up the majority of your friend group, none of their parents are super fond of the idea of him spending the night with you guys. He gets it, obviously not everyone can be as forward thinking as your angel of a mom, but it still sucks nonetheless. </3

You try to make up for that by doing some of the same activities at your sleepovers with him; face masks, hair braiding, makeovers, taking the quizzes in your copy of this month’s issues of Cosmopolitan and Seventeen Magazine, etc. Honestly, Eddie has had to lie on so many of those goddamn quizzes, just so you wouldn’t find out that he’s hopelessly in love with you. <3

Eddie makes NPCs for his Hellfire campaigns that are inspired by you; it’s his way of including you in the campaigns while you’re away at college. He’ll even fill you in on how your NPCs are fairing in the campaigns every Friday over the phone after he gets home from the club’s meetings. <3

Eddie kinda uses Philby as his therapist. Whenever he’s had a hard day, he’ll take your dog on a long walk, talking through whatever’s on his mind all the while. You accidentally caught them in the midst of one of these therapy sessions once and Eddie’s face went beet red from embarrassment. <3

Eddie’s brain short-circuits every single time you boop his nose (which is often, because how could you not?). It’s like his reset button. He’ll just be rambling on and on about something, most likely either an upcoming campaign or a sick guitar riff he came up with the other day, and you’ll just give that sweet little nose of his a quick, audible boop and suddenly the words are dying on his tongue. His cheeks flush a sweet rosy hue and his mouth parts in an inaudible gasp. It’s a rare moment of speechlessness for him, as if that one affectionate touch was enough to halt his ever-racing thoughts. Unfortunately, the more often you boop his nose, the more quickly he begins to recover, but that initial moment of quiet shock never fully goes away. <3

When Eddie was a kid, he couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. The holiday season was always so stressful for him because he constantly had to fight the urge to tell people what he’d made for them. In fact, back then, you all frequently received your presents from him weeks before Christmas because, as soon as he would finish making them, he’d get so excited to give them to you that he just couldn’t wait. <3

Now that he’s older, Eddie’s gotten way too good at keeping secrets… for the most part. If someone confides in him about something serious or wholly private in nature, then he’ll take that shit to the grave with him, won’t tell a single soul about it. However, when it comes to less severe secrets, Eddie tends to make an exception, at least for you. Case in point, you know about all of the Hellfire boys’ crushes simply because Eddie cannot keep his big mouth shut. <3

Eddie has this general disposition about him that just makes it so easy to confide in him and many of his customers frequently take advantage of that, venting to him about their shitty parents or opening up to him about whatever’s stressing them out. He always listens to them attentively and without judgment, and, occasionally, he’ll even offer them some genuinely good advice. Truthfully, Eddie gives great advice, the problem is that he often doesn’t follow this advice himself. <3

Eddie writes poetry and, sometimes, he’ll even read his poems to you, but only the ones that he’s really confident in and that, importantly, are not about you. <3

Eddie’s not worried about being stuck in the friend zone, mostly because he’s worried about a second, worse thing: the brother zone. Due to how close your families are and how long you’ve known each other, Eddie worries that you see him as nothing more than a brotherly figure and the thought of that kills him because is it even possible to get out of the brother zone?? The way Eddie sees it, at least the friend zone might, maybe have the potential for future upward mobility. The brother zone, however, might as well be a limitless vat of swiftly drying cement, because once you’re there, you’re there for life. </3

Given how close Eddie and your mom are, she’s told him many times that, if he’s comfortable with it, he can call her mom. However, Eddie refuses to do that. Not because he’s uncomfortable with it, but because he refuses to do anything to further increase his chances of ending up in the goddamn brother zone. </3

He’s irrationally afraid of ladybugs. Whenever one lands near him, he freaks out, much like most people do when wasps start buzzing around them. Unlike most people, he’s not too bothered by wasps, just ladybugs. Fuck ladybugs. <3

Eddie really enjoys baths, but his trailer doesn’t have a tub, so your mom lets him use the one in her trailer while she’s at work. He’d spend all day there if he could. However, he also gets really lonely, so he forces you to sit just outside the bathroom, talking to him through the closed door. <3

He also gets lonely while he poops, but he feels like asking you to sit on the other side of the door to talk to him while he poops is just a tad too intimate, so, while the two of you are still just friends, he’ll make do with reading the ingredients on your shampoo bottle. But if (when) the two of you ever start dating, that shit will be fair game (pun intended?). <3

Eddie likes to play footsie with you whenever you’re sat across from each other at a table. It doesn’t matter if the two of you are eating at your favorite diner, reading books at the public library, or simply sitting across from each other at the kitchen table, sipping on some coffee, the man will initiate it anywhere. This is also to his detriment, though, because it means that he ends up with a lot of awkward boners in public places. Oopsie. <3

He likes letting you do his makeup and paint his nails. Really, the man will take any opportunity for you to dote on him. <3

He secretly loves it when you call him Eddie Bear or Teddy, but he’ll never tell you that. <3

He spends way too much time looking at you, studying and admiring all the features that make up your pretty face. How you fail to notice his incessant staring is beyond him. <3

Eddie very much enjoys clinging onto you like a sloth. Oddly enough, he kinda wishes that he could go eight days without needing to poop or eat, like sloths can, just so he could get to really maximize the amount of time that he gets to hold you. <3

Eddie’s weird, really weird. Adorable and unexpectedly charming, but also weird. He worries that he’s off-putting, but your mom tells him that he’s just eccentric and that the right person will like that about him. He hopes that person is you. <3

He’s kind of obsessed with you; talks about you all the time, craves your attention 24/7, would do anything for you, etc. Just as Eddie used to say when he was little, he loves you long time. <3

Eddie Munson is the biggest hopeless romantic on this side of the Mississippi River. <3

#jitterbug and grub #eddie munson x reader #best friend au #best friend!eddie #best friend!eddie munson #eddie munson #eddie munson thoughts #stranger things #stranger things 4 #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson hc #eddie munson x reader fluff #eddie stranger things #eddie munson headcanon #eddie munson headcanons #stranger things hc #stranger things fluff #stranger things au #stranger things vol 4 #pol’s greatest hits

[chuuyascumsock]

Okay soooo i kindaa had a silly idea and ran with it…. Fem!dazai who’s a monsterfucker with an AFAB!reader who is ALSO monsterfucker?

-Imagine fem!dazai finding out her s/o is a monsterfucker~

Imagine the two of them on Dazais bed just rambling on to eachother and then reader just says “honestly sometimes id just love to be fucked dumb by a tentacle y’know?”

And dazai just nods like “yass girll me too~” but she has this sneaky look in her eye.

-“Zai?whats up??oh no…what did you just think of🤨”

-“Oh no just…hold on”

She goes over to her closet and picks up a box and brings it back to the bed and opens it.

And lo and behold its fuckin filled with an assortment of monster-dicks.

Reader then looks up at dazai like 😳

And all she says is “ive got way better than a tentacle babe~ take your pick”

And when reader can’t pick on,she just covers their eyes and makes em pick one.

Imagine the rest of the night she just uses them all on you so you can find your absolute favorite…

Well at least that’s the excuse she made to get you on board.

Imagine dazai just goin to townn on you with each and ever one in the box,trying some of her favorite ones twice(just to make sure you get a proper feel for it ofc! she definitely doesnt love seeing your face scrunch up and relax as each one enters your pretty little cunt,each one a different shape,size,length and girth.)

Imagine her going so deep,it rubs against your cervix…imagine cumming so many times that at this point neither of you have kept count accurately.

Imagine her stimulating your clit with a little bullet vibrator as she thrusts the foreign shapes into you revelling in the way you moan out her name and grip the sheets,your toes curling and your back arching.

Imagine her using a vibrating one and just keeping it inside you,buried to the hilt and making u beg to have it pulled out.

Imagine her running her finger along the edge of your cunt,gathering some of your slick and demanding that you clean the mess off her fingers in exchange for taking it out of you.

Imagine by the time your done you feel so sore and exhausted that you can barely even get up to go have a post-coital shower.

Imagine waking up the next day to see that each and every one of the little gadgets had been haphazardly thrown back into their box. Only your decided favorites lying nicely cleaned and dry on your night stand.

Imagine getting just a little sweet revenge on her and buying her one she doesnt have just to use it on her until she cant walk. Honestly I doubt she’d mind~ I mean she gets to skip work the next day, AND she gets to be your little pillow princess~ It was a win win situation!

I hope its okie and not too much😭

ALSO IM SO SORRY I DIDNT KNOW U WERE LACTOSE INTOLERANT!!!!

Lets just imagine my icon is um lactose free cheese?(is that a thing?)

Anywho! OMG GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR EXAMS!!!! Ive got exams on monday too #A Levels🥲 I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!! YOUVE GOT THIS!!!!

Stay safe! Study well and i believe in you!

-🧀

DEAR LORD 🧀, WANT SOME WORD COUNT LIMIT WITH THAT ESSAY 😭⁉️

I love how dedicated you are lol.

But you’re missing the part where Fem!Dazai would get a double sided monster dildo just to share with you so you could fuck yourselves stupid on it. And she only gets more enthusiastic about it when your pussies meet in the middle and your clits rub against each other 🤭

OOOO ALSO BONUS BUT UHM, I HAVE A FEM! CHUUYA x READER x FEM! DAZAI SMUT DRAFT SITTING IN MY DOCS THAT WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE WHAT I POSTED INSTEAD OF JUST THE FEM! CHUUYA SMUT 😶 I had the idea written down but I never wrote it. (I want to though.)

#casual asks #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai smut #fem dazai

[questionablequeeries]

Somebody To Love by Queen

Steve’s days were a circle of bullshit (you’re bullshit). He forced himself from bed and did up his hair as if to maintain an air of his former glory, barely able to look at himself in the mirror without glaring at his own reflection, staggered to work, plastered a smile on his face for his friends, rinse and repeat. Day in and day out, and nobody saw that he was dying little by litt-

“You look like shit.”

“…Excuse me?” Steve blinked out of his stupor, adjusting that bullshit (you’re bullshit) little sailor hat. There in front of him was Eddie ‘the Freak’ Munson, a man he hated to admit he was jealous of, especially after their many conversations revealing just how much of a nerd the other was. Still, Eddie never had to worry about his image or what others thought of him, could actively sell drugs while selling records from across Scoops, wore nail polish and jewelry and everything Steve was too much of a coward to do.

“No offense, it’s just…I know what it looks like when you’re smiling but not really.” Eddie explained, drumming his fingers against the counter, “Trust me, I get it. What’s eating you?”

Steve opened his mouth to argue, but what came out was, “My life is bullshit.” He was expecting an eye roll, a proclamation that he had rich parents, a big house, all the parties he’d ever want to throw, so why was he compl- a finger flicked his forehead, pulling a sound of confusion.

“Steve, I come over here every day to eat ice cream and talk to you.” Eddie crossed his arms, “Not once have I ever heard you say something good about yourself! In fact, your favorite pastime seems to be shittalking yourself!” He let out a soft huff that reminded Steve of an angry kitten, “You have people who genuinely seem to care about you, you’re absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful,” Wait, what? “You’re shockingly smart, and you deserve to be happy.”

“Eddie, that’s…nice and everything, but flattery won’t get you extra sprinkles.” Steve was trying to deflect now.

“I watch you every day, striking out with people who you know wouldn’t make you happy.” Eddie refused to allow the distraction, “You…Do you really think you’re not worthy of genuine, true love?” He didn’t wait for an answer, “You’ve already surrounded yourself with it, from Buckley to those kids of yours, so why do you not let any of it in?” He shook his head, “What you need is somebody who can teach you how to be loved. Somebody who won’t just stop because you’re fantastic at self-sabotage.” He hid his mouth with a lock of his hair, “Somebody like me.” And he grabbed Steve’s hand, scribbling down his number with a Sharpie.

Steve wasn’t even upset at the way that permanent marker had been used on him, just sort of stupefied at Hurricane Munson blowing in to shake his world before turning to leave, “Wait!” He finally found his voice, “You forgot your ice cream!” He wanted to spend more time with Eddie, maybe muster up the courage for an actual date.

This was where Steve learned just how much of an idiot and/or a tease Eddie was because he merely smirked, “I’m lactose intolerant.” And then he walked out of the store.

Steve’s jaw dropped, broken out of his stunned silence by a whistle from the window. He turned to see Robin strike exactly one line in the You Rule column, perform just about the most sarcastic jazz hands he’d ever seen, and then close the shutters. He was left to stare at the messy chicken scratch on his hand, that fake smile becoming a little more real as he burned each number into his brain and his heart.

@steddie-week is doing a week of prompts, and I’ll try to do one a day! I’m also posting mine on ao3, if you’d rather read them that way!

#stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie #robin buckley #fanfic #steddieweek2023 #questionable writes #music fic

[thelampisaflashlight]

And there was... two beds, but, unfortunately, you're stuck with me.

So I've mentioned before, and many folks may have discovered through some of my chat posts that I am, in fact, lactose intolerant.

A travesty considering I am both French and Swiss (this is true but it's also so I can make a swiss cheese joke even though, yeah, I don't think swiss cheese comes from Switzerland, get off my dick-), and come from a "cheese goes on pretty much everything" family.

However, my inability to consume dairy has lead to some funny -if not a touch unfortunate- occurrences... at least they've funny to me.

Introduction out of the way, I bring to you, the tale of the worst thing I did while sharing a bed in a hotel room with a friend.

So this was years ago now, but I remember this particular bit quite clearly.

I was visiting a friend of mine (we'll call them Kazoo -a joke that if they see this they will understand- for the sake of brevity) in another city where they were attending university along with our mutual friend (We'll call them Son -another joke they'll understand-) and their mom, because we obviously all couldn't stay in their dorm room, Son's mom rented a hotel room for us all to stay in.

Basically the plan was that we'd all stay in the hotel room the first night, and then on the second night we (Son, Kazoo, and I) would go to Kazoo's dorm and stay there while Son's mom got the hotel room to herself.

Well, the hotel we were staying in this particular time featured a good sized bed and then a sleeper sofa, so the sleeping arrangements worked out as follows: Son and their mom were on the sleeper sofa -since their mom would get the bed the next night all to herself- and Kazoo and I wound up on the bed.

Now, I couldn't tell you exactly what I had for dinner that night, but I can tell you it was pizza adjacent and there was definitely cheese on it, and probably some other milk based desserts involved at some point in the evening.

Point is, my stomach was deeply, deeply unhappy.

However, whilst out and about, you don't really *hear* just how much noise your stomach is making unless it gets really quiet, and it was pretty loud in the city, so aside from a few gurglies, I was fiiiine.

Or so I thought.

We get back to the hotel room, and we're all ready for bed, yeah?

We had to get up at an at least somewhat reasonable time so we could go explore the city the next day, so we all climb into bed late-ish at night, and that first little lapse into complete silence happens.

This is when I feel something brewing.

Something heinous.

I try to will the feeling away, because there is no noise to cover up whatever sound my body was about to make, but it slips out anyway.

The tiniest "frrt" sound in the midst of dead silence.

We all laugh.

It's funny, it's all good.

However.

Laughing makes my stomach contract.

I unleash another squeaky sound from my body, and the problem is, if you know me at all as a person, the funniest goddamn thing to me is total silence followed by a random, brief, sound.

All this to say I trapped myself in an endless loop of laughter, and Kazoo, who was in the bed next to me, absolutely wanted to murder me.

Not because I kept giggling, not even because of the farting itself, no.

No, I found out years later that the main reason they were so steamed about it was because they had gotten up to fart in the hotel's bathroom because they didn't want to gas me out, and had they known I was going to just let it rip like that, they would have just stayed comfortable in bed.

Anyway, I thought about this because I was thinking about what cheese substitutes are good vs bad, 'cause one straight up makes me sick and another one kind of tastes like butter?

Yeah.

The places my mind went.

#lamp rambles

[aseuki]

hey sorry if you've gotten this question a million times before but I have seen the Edward Elric made me lactose intolerant post and the person who put it on my dash said something like 'I wonder how many people know this is serious' and I just. I have to know. how tf did Edward Elric make you lactose intolerant hkhdkfjdj I'm so curious

the Olivier Armstrong making you gay thing I get though. she's incredible lol

(Edward Elric Made Me Lactose Intolerant Post)

ASDLFKSFJN HI HELLO WELCOME TO MY LACTOSE INTOLERANT HOME Yeah I Feel like I've relayed the story once or twice but I Honestly Forgot so you get it Again!!

Putting it under the cut for those who want to zip right past asdfkjn

Let's take a Flashback to Young Middle School Aseuki--young, two brain cells to their name, and So-Desperately-Wanted-To-Be-Edgy. You know that one post that talks of how Arakawa took everything middle schoolers wanted to be and crafted them a god made of gold? Yeah This Fucking Guy was So Cool to my Impressionable Middle School Ass Self, and Clearly the Only Way to Express this was to walk the walk, talk the talk. I couldn't be assed to learn the alchemy circles, but what I could do was dress in all black, take on his height complex, and most importantly, take on his aversion to Milk.

There may have also been two evil vegans talking over my shoulder trying so desperately to convert others to their plant-based lifestyle but that was merely Secondary to the Anime Lifestyle because their little ploy didn't Work and thus besides the point

Needless to say this did Not transform me into the badass blond alchemist I aspired to be and instead gave severe stomach cramps once I came to my senses and decided the calcium was necessary again b(￣▽￣)d

#qna #aseuki lore #lactose intolerance lore #Handshake in the Olivier Gay Society though she was my true gay awakening frfr #bayonetta was the Conscious gay awakening but Olivier was the OG og we stan the AroAce Queen for the Lesbians

[bluebooks1]

HIMYM

So, I did say in my last post that I might make others probably about tv shows or HP; here one is. I thought my first few posts could all be about different things to show my variety. This is about HIMYM (How I Met Your Mother).

My favourite character is Barney Stinson because he is awesome. Swarkles is legen... Wait for it and I hope you aren't lactose intolerant because the second part of this word is... Dary! Legendary! If you don't support Swarkles why do you watch the show? For Ted? Really? 😂😂

I'm kidding. Obviously, you can like the wrong thing if you want. I can't force you to be right. 😂

I understand that it is common among the fans to hate the finale which is good because that means I am not the only one. If you haven't finished watching it, I recommend you stop reading this now because I am about to comment on it. You can read again when you see the emoji '👑'.

I did warn you.

I can't believe Tracy died! I hate that Swarkles got divorced! I did not hate that Barney had a kid. I hated how unlike him it was with his reaction and how he changed! Ellie Stinson (was that her name? I think so) would grow up with Barney as a father but she wouldn't grow up with the awesome guy that we see for years. She would grow up with a completely different guy. Now, back to Swarkles, Ted and Robin? Again? It clearly didn't work the first time or any other time, why would it work now? I was also confused with Marshall and Lily's kids. I am happy that they had children and was happy but it seemed like we missed loads, of course as that was the idea to go forward. I don't know, as I am writing this, I am now rethinking and I think it is stupid of me to comment about the kids of Lily and Marshall. My main issue is Barney Stinson.

👑 People who stopped reading can read again now. I thought the emoji would help but it doesn't seem to stand out much.

I wrote HIMYM at the top like a title so people can see if it interests them as I will be doing multiple different fandoms and different things.

I don't imagine many people will read this and I would say no one but my last post actually got a like!

Again, if you are Mirren or Arlen, go away.

#himym #swarkles #himym finale #barney stinson #im not sure how to tag this #my thoughts

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

52 of 2022

PHONE What is the last game you played on your phone?

I don’t play games in my phone.

What kind of phone do you have?

Some kind of Samsung Galaxy, A series. I don’t even remember anymore.

Do you have it in a case?

I do, and it matches my interests. It has a radiation warning dymbol.

Do you have a screen protector?

I do, but it’s some kind of a foil instead of tempered glass. Works even better.

Who is the last person you messaged?

My husband.

What’s the last app you downloaded?

CM app, which is the app for my health insurance.

Who is the first contact in your phone?

My husband.

Do you give people personalized ringtones?

No, but maybe I should start doing that.

What percentage is your phone battery?

Around 95% or something, my phone is too far away.

Does your screen have any cracks?

It looks like that, but there’s no serious damage whatsoever.

LOOKS What color is your hair?

Something like dark brown or so.

How tall are you?

180 cm it seems.

Are you happy with the way you look right now?

Right now I look tired, but I don’t really care how it looks like.

Describe your outfit:

White Amsterdam hoodie and black trousers.

What makeup products are you wearing, if any?

I don’t wear make up.

What tattoos or piercings do you have?

One tattoo on my right forearm that resembles a radiation warning symbol, several ear piercings and two lip piercings. I’m going to have another tattoo and an eyebrow piercing redone in a few months.

How would you describe your skin tone?

Fair and freckled.

Are your nails painted?

I don’t paint my nails.

What color eyes do you have?

Grey, but with a twist.

What is your favorite physical feature about yourself?

I’m quite tall, that’s about it.

OUTSIDE Why were you last outside?

10 minutes ago.

What’s the last outdoors concert you went to?

Shuriken II, the local band. They were playing in my city.

Do you own a tent?

I very much don’t.

What’s the weather like today?

Now it’s dark, but earlier it was more sunny than yesterday.

Do you have distinctive seasons where you live?

Not really, only the temperature changes.

What is your favorite kind of tree?

Maple tree and pine tree.

Are you allergic to any plants?

Yup, to a lot of them. Summer is the pollen season, you know.

Did you play any outdoor sports in school?

I used to be a basketball player.

When’s the last time you got rained on?

Today.

Do you go to parks frequently?

I travel frequently, if it counts. Not really parks, but nature.

FACEBOOK (I don’t use Facebook, so I’m gonna skip it) Do you have your full birth name on there? Describe your profile picture: What’s the last notification you got? Do you ever upload videos? How many friends do you have? Who is the last person you added? Do you use Messenger a lot? What is the last thing you posted/shared? According to your Facebook memories, what did you post last year? What groups are you in?

FOOD What’s the last thing you ate?

Rice.

How about drank?

Vanilla coke.

Do you have plans for dinner tonight?

It’s 11pm here.

Do you have any food allergies?

Probably lactose intolerance.

Are you on a diet?

N, but my eating habits are not really normal, if we can say so.

What’s the last fast food place you went to?

It must have been years ago, but it was Quick, the Belgian “response” to McDonald’s.

What foreign cuisines do you enjoy?

Italian, Polish, Dutch (there’s a fair amount of it in Belgian cuisine as well), and Spanish.

What is your least favorite fruit?

Apple or pear, or watermelon. I can never decide which is more awful.

How many meals have you had today, so far?

Two or something.

What side dishes do you love?

Nothing comes to my mind at the moment.

#survey #about me survey

[whumphoarder]

Lactose Intolerant Peter Parker Masterlist

(Link to read on Ao3)

Here are all my stories in which Peter is a lactose intolerant reckless dumbass and Tony does a lot of eye-rolling:

Spider-Man’s Very Mundane Kryptonite: Spider-Man does whatever a spider can. If only digesting lactose were one of those things.

(Or, where Peter is unfortunately lactose intolerant and Tony finds out.)

Face God and Walk Backwards Into Hell: Peter is lactose intolerant—and arguably masochistic—and this somehow becomes Tony’s personal cross to bear.

Festive Misfortune: Being lactose intolerant sucks. Being lactose intolerant during the Christmas season sucks even more.

Or, Tony tries to give his kid a carefree holiday party for once by serving a completely dairy-free menu. But of course, Parker Luck™ strikes again.

My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the ER: Peter’s chronic lactose intolerance and propensity for making poor life choices means that Tony is used to seeing the kid inflict suffering on himself. But something about this time is different.

Lessons Learned: It was simple. Peter loved dairy, so Peter ate dairy. Consequences be damned. And Tony was done trying to stop the inevitable.

(Plus one bonus drabble, for the lols)

#sickfic #masterlist #irondad & spiderson #sick peter parker #irondad fic #how many times did i say lactose intolerance on this post #i think it was 8 #that's so many times man #poor kid #can't have anything nice

[itsallyscorner]

“Move the plans”

Pairing: Florence Pugh x actress!reader (platonic)

Summary: Florence tells you to cancel your plans when she ends up in New York.

Warnings: Nothing really bad. Mentions lactose intolerance? Idk if that’s sensitive to people. Probably some spelling errors.

A/n: Hello darlings! I’m back from my unannounced break. I decided to write a platonic Florence fic because she’s a sweetheart and I loved her as Yelena! Also for those who follow me, don’t worry, I will be working on a sequel to my Tom Holland “Sour” fic!! But for now, please enjoy this fic!😚💕

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

(Loml)

✧───── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *. ☽.* :★. ─────✧

You stood backstage in front of a mirror, looking at your appearance and making sure there were no wrinkles on the dress you wore. Your hairstylist was behind you, fluffing your hair and managing the stray baby hairs on your head. You were currently at NBC Studios in New York City, about to do an interview with the infamous, Jimmy Fallon. Tingles buzzed through your skin as you heard the cheers and music from the stage. Jimmy’s voice can be heard faintly backstage, only adding to your growing excitement.

The sound of heels clicking approached you, it took less than a second for you to feel the warm presence of Florence behind you. The both of you were starring in the upcoming Black Widow movie alongside Scarlett Johansson; after months of working together and spending days hanging out, you and Florence had become very close friends. She was, without a doubt, your favorite person in the world. Since the moment you met her, she had always been the most sweetest and caring person you’ve ever met—and you were proud to say you had her in your corner.

You met Flo’s eyes in the mirror and bright smiles were instantly on your faces. Turning around, you open your arms wide, and wrap them around her. Bear hugs were a must in your friendship with Flo, you both just loved receiving hugs from each other.

“Ahhh! I told you that dress would be perfect for tonight, you look stunning!” She squealed, tightening her arms around you. A day before Jimmy Fallon, you and Flo had been at your place with your stylist, picking out which dress you should wear for the interview. The dress was casual, but the color was so ever vibrant that it made the dress pop.

You pulled out the hug and looked at what she was wearing. Her gorgeous blonde hair was curled into loose locks and her dress was just as vibrant as yours. The pink of her dress and the orange (yellowish?) of yours complimented each other. Which coincidentally enough, was a parallel of your lovely friendship with Florence.

“Me? Flo, you look gorgeous! I’m so obsessed with this look!” You help her twirl, hyping her up as she showed off her outfit. After sneaking in a little mirror selfie and posting it onto Instagram, the two of you were given a five minute warning from one of the crew members. You and Flo were moved to stand behind the curtain, waiting for your cues to walk onto the stage.

While the two of you were getting mic’d up, Florence leaned closer to you.

“Can I be completely honest with you?” She mumbled, her stare remaining on the curtain before her. Your brow raises in curiosity as your head slightly turns to look at her.

“Of course, hun. What’s up?” You ask, your attention on her. She sighs and leans even closer so only you can hear her.

“I feel like I’m about to shit my pants.” She admits, swallowing nervously. Your mouth gapes, “Did you have iced coffee too?”

Flo’s face scrunches up in confusion, “N-no! That was me telling you I was nervous! Did you have iced coffee?” She fully turns to look at you and judging by the look of guilt plastered across your face, you did in fact have iced coffee.

“Maybe?” You answer, though it came out more like a question. Florence rolls her eyes at you.

“(Y/n), how many times do you have to be reminded that you’re lactose intolerant?” She scolded you.

You scoff, holding a hand up at her, “Trust me, I’m reminded every time I sit on a toilet.” You shake your head, trying to refocus the conversation.

“This isn��t about my poor digestive system—why are you nervous?”

She sighs, “I don’t know why I’m so nervous, I’m used to doing interviews and stuff. But I haven’t been on Jimmy Fallon, and there’s an audience out there and I don’t want to mess up or accidentally spoil the movie.”

You place a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “You may be British, but you’re not Tom Holland. You won’t spoil anything.” You start. She quickly shoots you a look that screams, “you’re not helping”. You make a gesture physically telling her that you’re getting to the point.

“You’re going to be fine! I mean you did Jimmy Kimmel right? This shouldn’t be that different, it’s the same thing—just different studios, in different states, and different Jimmy’s.” You point out. She nods along as you continue, “Plus, I’m gonna be up there with you. You won’t be alone.”

With the help of your reassurance and witty little comments, Florence felt her anxiousness simmer down. They weren’t completely gone but the fact that you were gonna be up there together made her relax more. Being part of Marvel had its pros and cons. Sure, the movies are spectacular and the actors are outstanding. Though when it comes to doing promo for said movies, it can be quite stressful. It’s a known fact that Marvel and it’s executives can be quite strict when it comes to interviews with anyone involved in the making of their films—their strictness made sense, although for first time MCU members, it took some getting used to.

Florence smiles at you, “Thank you.”

You playfully nudge her shoulder with yours, “Don’t worry about it.” You say with a kind smile.

The wholesome moment was interrupted by one of the stagehands telling you and Florence that the two of you were on in 15 seconds.

“Our guests tonight are making their big MCU debut in the new Black Widow film, please welcome (Y/n) (L/n) and Florence Pugh!”

⚘

“So in the movie, there’s three of you guys—where’s the other one?” Jimmy asked, motioning his hand to the small space between you and Flo.

“She’s at home I believe.” Florence answered, glancing at you. “She’s busy doing stuff, you know—adult things.” She added.

You took the opportunity to make a joke and said, “Yet here we are promoting her movie.” You roll your eyes playfully. The crowd bursts out laughing, along with Jimmy, who smacked his desk.

“You know, we deserve a raise for this.” Flo considers, going along with your joke. She slightly snorts and nudges your arm with her elbow. “We could take Scarlett’s check and just split it in half for ourselves.”

“Problem solved.” You shrugged, high fiving her.

Another round of laughs fill the room as Jimmy says, “So you’re both taking Scarlett’s money?”

Jokingly, you nod in approval, “By the end of this interview? Definitely.”

Dropping the bit, you shake your head with a grin on your face. “I’m kidding! I’m only joking, I wouldn’t do that to her, even if I were forced to.”

Jimmy moves on as a picture of you, Florence, and Scarlett pops up on the screen. The picture had been posted on your Instagram and was taken while the three of you were filming in between takes. You were taking the selfie while Scarlett and Florence were poking their heads out from behind you making funny faces.

“I can’t imagine how exciting it is to be on a Marvel set, and to even work with one of the first ever heroes in the MCU—that must be insane!” Jimmy exclaims, motioning to another picture of the three of you.

“It’s unbelievable. To work alongside Scarlett and to follow this kind of path that she’s paved in the MCU is an honor. She really was like our older sister behind the scenes, because she was always guiding us and taking care of everyone. She’s the best.” Florence responded while you nodded in agreement.

“I watched the movie last night and one of the things I enjoyed the most was the dynamic the three of you had. You guys were like actual siblings.” Jimmy mentioned, motioning between you and Flo.

Florence giggled before squeezing you into a tight hug, “Yeah, she’s my big sister.” You smiled beamingly, patting her cheek before she let go.

“No, really! She’s like my actual younger sister.” You tell the audience, who “awed” at the hug you both shared. “We spent months on this movie and we spent every single day with each other. By the middle of production, we were basically roommates.”

“Roommates?” Jimmy questioned, leaning his elbows on his desk.

“Because I was always at her house.” Florence answered in a ‘duh’ tone. “I’ve actually grown an attachment to (Y/n), she’s like my comfort blanket. So I need to have her with me at all times. If she’s not with me, I just won’t leave the house.”

“Speaking of your attachment to (Y/n), there’s this video of you that you apparently sent her?” Jimmy gestured at you, “And you posted it on your Instagram and now the whole internet is obsessed with it.”

“Yup, that’s the one.” You confirmed.

“I know there’s probably some people who haven’t seen it, so here’s the video.” The video of Florence popped up on the screen and began to play.

(This fic was based on this TikTok😭)

Jimmy looked at you and Florence in amusement, “Can we get some context?”

Florence waved her hand at the screen and said, “As you can all see, I’m very persistent.”

“This wasn’t your first time sending her these kinds of videos?” Jimmy asked. You shook your head, a feign look of annoyance on your face.

“No, she does this all the time.”

“In my defense, I was unexpectedly flying out to New York for a project. I knew I was gonna be in the city for a few days, so I decided to call (Y/n) and make the most of my trip.” Flo defended herself, slightly pouting.

You leaned your head on her shoulder, “To be fair, it was also our first time seeing each other since we wrapped Black Widow, and we really missed each other.”

“(Y/n), did you have to move any plans?” Jimmy turns to you. Florence does the same.

“You know what, you never told me if you had plans or not.” She squints her eyes at you. Your arms crossed while your body slowly sunk into the couch.

You pretend to fix your lipstick, quickly muttering, “I might’ve moved some plans around.”

Florence’s mouth gapes in shock, her entire body freezing. She grips onto your shoulder, “Wait, you actually moved plans for me?”

“I might’ve rescheduled a lunch with someone, but that doesn’t really matter.” You replied, trying to move on from the topic. Jimmy pointed at you, a giant grin on his face, “You actually moved plans for Florence!”

Florence’s mouth was still wide in shock, “I can’t believe you actually moved plans for me—(Y/n)!” She whined.

“I missed seeing you, so of course I had to move them.” You bashfully explained, the corners of your lips turning upwards. Florence pulled you into a hug.

“Gosh, you really do love me!” She exclaimed.

“I really do!” You said, your arms wrapping around her as well.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

🏷 Tags:

*if there’s a line through your url, Tumblr won’t let me tag you :(*

Marvel cast/Avengers x reader tags ↴

↪︎ @ximaginx @lozzypoz321 @sunwardsss @pokemonbong @pjokotlcmarvel201 @whoslili @marvel-is-a-mood @blckyungblood @astroponyo @universemarvel @imthebadguyyy @roseke @this-is-gg @httpscarletwitch @msminutes @cristin-rjd @swords-are-cool @melaninfalconbucky @deamus-liv @elvish-sky @catsandbooksandstuff @ellajoy419 @moonlight-babe99 @teti-menchon0604 @bestillmystuckyheart @captainwans @mischiefmanaged144 @marvelfan2300 @hello-yoi

General tags (besties) ↴

↪︎ @bucksmotel @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @agustdowney @thegirlwiththediary @rqmanoff @sesamepancakes @stardustofreading @alyssathesoftie @ifyouknewhowmiserylovedme @kaitieskidmore1 @6r4cie @bi-lmg07 @pogueslandia

#marvel #mcu #avengers #marvel cast #marvel cast x reader #marvel cast headcanon #marvel cast imagines #florence pugh #florence pugh x reader #florence pugh imagine #Florence Pugh headcanon #florence pugh fanfic #black widow #yelena belova #yelena belova x reader

[regrettablewritings]

Hi!😁 I'll give you another ship with my dear Lucifer morningstar from Lucifer cuz as it turns out I'm a hoe for a lot of characters but what can ya do? Thank you!

Aw hell yii, somebody's talkin' my lingo! 😎

Who the fuck put the Peeps in the microwave?: Lucifer. And no, it's not because he actually likes them or is curious about what would happen; he's seen plenty of Youtube videos enough to know exactly what happens. No . . . It's far more malicious . . . Generally speaking, you don't like the constant comparison of cats to the devil. But after getting to actually meet The Devil, you think that those believers might be on to something. Lucifer's whorey ways bleeds into his need for attention like red bleeds into white in the wash, and he's completely shameless about it. For example, if he feels like you may be focusing too much on work or, gasp, other people besides him, you run the risk of encountering a very . . . mischievous Luci. Not that he's not already a prankster, but he somehow becomes a bit more childish. Catlike in some respects. He puts your mugs up higher than what you can normally reach without having to climb on the countertop. He joins you at your kitchen table while you're reading over files for work and puts on his most angelic face, insisting he just wants to keep you company and will be as quiet as vermin in Dear Old Dad's house . . . then proceed to obnoxiously click a pen while pretending to solve a word problem, or eat cheese puffs obnoxiously loud. And then . . . the Peeps: The absolute prettyboy bastard used your microwave as a casualty of war, plopping the unplated, mutant-colored marshmallows directly on the glass and letting them go. To be fair, it technically didn't ruin anything. But at least he had your attention now -- because after fussing at him for making a mess, you were currently supervising him scrubbing not only the effected areas of the glass dish, but the rest of the microwave as well. Unfortunately, you can't say a lesson was really learned because now Luci knows that if he wants to get a rise out of you, what he needs is a bunch of candies from the bargain bin.

Who forgot to put the cat out before sex?: It's not that either of you forgot the cat was there -- it was that Lucifer wanted the bloody animal to give the both of you some privacy. And because Lucifer forgot the cat was there. He was simply too busy embracing you in a liplock and laying you down on the couch to notice the glaring eyes of the cat you had rescued from the shelter. Thankfully, you two didn't get very far before the lovingly-named Lucipurr released a meow, indicating that he had become flesh and bone in the few hours it had been since you'd last fed him. Suffice to say, after a startled Lucifer flung himself off of you and onto the floor, nearly breaking his ass on the coffee table (and the laughing fit that had induced on your end), the mood was killed. For the next fifteen minutes, that is. The next time he tried anything, Lucifer made sure that his efforts would be continued in the bedroom (but not before he did a complete check of every nook and cranny in there to make sure the furry bastard wasn't trying anything).

Who posts Vines/TikToks of the other doing embarrassing shit?: Lucifer absolutely lacks boundaries. The moment he discovered smartphones, social media, and all their potential, he was all in and recording as many videos of friends and coworkers as he could in as many awkward or unideal situations as they came. You felt bad for Dan being his constant target, but you were somewhat sure that Dan felt bad for you in a way: After all, you were dating the freaking guy and yet Lucifer had few qualms about posting a video of you, drunkenly singing karaoke in what was supposed to be a private room? Harsh.

Who breaks the most phones?: Lucifer does. He's not necessarily careless, but his part-time occupation does lead him to circumstances that tend to put his phone in danger. You, Chloe, Dan, literally everyone has told him to just leave his phone in the car if he's going to get it broken that often while on the job, but the dumbass never learns. Not that he really seems to care all that much: With his wealth, he can always buy a new one. Though, the only times he gets frustrated is when photos or videos don't quite make it to the transfer and things get lost along the way. Funny photos, suggestive videos, photos and videos of you . . . Photos and videos of you being funny or suggestive . . . Downright pornographic videos he had recorded of you -- Though don't worry: He's sure you'll be more than happy to help recreate the latter. He'd gladly help you . . .

Who dies first?: It should go without saying. It really should. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. Lucifer was always one to get caught up in his indulgences, after all: Somewhere along the way, he must've gotten too swept up in the thrill, the feeling of adoration. He tells himself this but it's really just denial. Closer to the truth is that it all really was just denial: He denied the idea that you would ever leave him, that you would ever die. Luci was never good with his own thoughts and feelings, but the way you made him feel was nearly enough to convince him that, in some way, you would just plain live forever. But of course, this was not the case: It didn't matter that you were fantastical enough to love and be loved by the Devil; you were still very much a human. Very much mortal. So susceptible to things like time and illness and injury. Lucifer was the King of Indulgences. It was extremely rare for him to experience regret. But when your time inevitably ran out, remorse filled him like smoke filled his lungs with every cigarette he ran through from the moment your funeral arrangements were decided. He could never regret knowing you, as much as part of him thought doing so would spare him this pain. He tried to think of how much better he might've been had he never met you, and it always felt like he was stuck in his own personal Hell Loop with everything going wrong over and over no matter how hard he tried to change it. He regretted that for as much time as he lived up with you, he felt like he didn't use nearly enough of that time to just . . . enjoy you. You in your mortality, your fleeting beauty and love that would nonetheless haunt him for however long he might go on for. So maybe . . . for eternity? This didn't feel like his own personal Hell Loop: This was his own personal Hell Loop. And until he learned to forgive himself, it would never end. So he'd be stuck here for maybe . . . eternity.

Which one I could see as being lactose intolerant: Neither. Unless they get brought down to mortal enough, Celestials generally don't suffer ailments, let alone from things like food allergies.

Who thinks they can do something really well even though they can't?: Lucifer . . . It's not that he's not smart. But by Dad, he is lacking in so much self-awareness that it can be maddening. He thinks he's pretty good at following Dr. Linda's advice (and, to an extent, he's progressing). But the fact of the matter is, he's incredibly troubling at best. Not nearly as bad as some patients, mind you, but when Linda admitted to you that one or two sessions of Lucifer completely misinterpreting her advice nearly drove her to consider adding a secret bar into her desk, you believed her and didn't blame her for one bit.

Who is more likely to get kicked out of bed?: Lucifer is a changed devil. But it's a very slow change. You're more than happy to understand and accept this, but that doesn't mean you have to let him and his issues walk all over you. Sometimes, the big dummy just says or does things without thinking -- or because he thought too hard and thought this was the best decision to avoid further strife. And you try to be patient with him about these tendencies, you really do. But that doesn’t erase your ability to be upset by these habits, or your right to be. And no amount of him buttering you up is going to be acceptable, even when he comes by your place, armed with a dish he so thoughtfully prepared for you. Nope, he can literally go to Hell with that (really, you’re sure the demons there would appreciate a nice beef wellington); you just need some space. Ironically, this may create a cycle wherein his need to make you happy again and have your attention on him drives him to constantly hover around you and attempt to win you over, which in turn just further frustrates you. It’ll likely keep going until you either snap or a loved one pulls Luci to the side and gives him a heads up that maybe he should respect your boundaries. After all, intention isn’t the problem here: It’s the actions taken. And as much as it hurts him knowing that he accidentally hurt you, he has to respect your need for time to cool off. He forces himself to go back to his place and tries to think less about how he feels and more about how you might feel, and try to work out ways to avoid similar incidents in the future. And even though the conclusions he comes to may not be perfect, you at least respect the effort -- particularly when he next sees you, no longer armed with snacks from your favorite bakery or bouquet-carrying teddy bears. Instead, all he has is an apology. It’s sheepish, and it feels foreign to someone who rarely experiences shame or regret, but you know his whole heart is in it even if he himself doesn’t understand entirely why that is. Which is good because that’s just part one of the process; part two involves him warming up that spot in your bed that’s reserved for him!

Who uses the computer the most?: You, absolutely. Lucifer's adorably but altogether completely crap when it comes to technology. Besides, he can easily find other things with which to amuse himself, and doing the paperwork is for other people anyway.

Thank you sooooo much for participating again!!! It really means a lot!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

#lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar imagines #lucifer morningstar imagine #lucifer imagine #lucifer imagines #character ship meme #character ask meme #regrettablewritings #thanks for your patience by the way! i would've had this up last night but i went out with family for the evening!

[delimeful]

to taste your beating heart (4)

warnings: nightmares, flashbacks, mind control/thrall mention, mental breakdown, blood mention, impalement/staking, upsetting thoughts, panic, ptsd responses

-

A plastic-sounding click, like someone pressing a button.

Anx took a breath, staring intently at the person bustling around across from him.

Patton was making tea like someone vying for a professional butler position: setting saucers and cups in front of each of them, managing the teapot with a steady hand, motions smooth and automatic.

“Sorry, I’m just so used to setting up refreshments for guests,” he chuckled nervously. “My sister always insists on tea when she comes by, so—“

Logan shifted next to him, impatient and more than a little irritated after every one of his inquiries had been deflected or outright ignored. Patton had invited them in, though, and he was currently their best lead on one of the most vicious cases they’d ever dealt with.

Even if he seemed utterly incapable of answering any of their actual questions.

That wasn't saying he wasn't willing to talk at all. Roman was chattering with him, their most sociable member easily drawn into discussion and more than willing to natter on in the hopes that Patton would let some vital information slip.

Anx wasn’t the only one who noted the way their host set an extra saucer and cup out, but when he met Logan’s gaze, the hunter only rolled his eyes, more than content to dismiss it as another element of the stranger’s apparent airheaded personality.

Patton was still speaking, discussing the many alleged merits of ignoring allergies for the sake of fulfilling experiences. Roman, who was lactose intolerant, was nodding along wholeheartedly. Logan, who was the one to deal with Roman’s post-dairy consumption whining, looked a lot less agreeable.

His own attention remained pinned on Patton’s movements rather than his words. There was a pattern there, a careful turn of the cup so the handle was facing the right side, lift the teapot from the warmer, and pour. One by one, he went around the table.

Anx was the only one watching when the man finally fumbled. After pouring each of their cups with surprising grace, he reached that final, fifth teacup. He twisted the handle so it was right-aligned, lifted the teapot, poured— and then reached for what looked like a cream pitcher.

A beat late, Patton’s hands suddenly swerved to the side, and he pulled them back as though he’d been burned. His voice didn’t even falter.

Anx reached across the table lightning-quick and seized the pitcher, knocking a few of the porcelain jars over and effectively cutting through the conversion as he did. Roman was asking something, but Patton only stared at him, something both fearful and grateful in his gaze.

Anx pulled the lid off, and the thick smell of blood hit him, like iron and rust.

“Your sister, you said?” Logan asked, and Patton bit his lip hard enough to bleed.

Click.

He was in a different room of the same tiny apartment, though it took him a moment to recognize the interior.

Put bluntly, it looked as though a miniature hurricane had torn through it.

The wallpaper was shredded and splattered. The cute decorative furniture had been thrown askew at best, smashed to bits at worst. Everything was in disarray, the valuable and mundane targeted indiscriminately. An entire life torn to pieces.

In the eye of the storm, Patton stood, hands fisted in his hair and eyes bloodshot.

They’d known the backlash of the bond breaking would be hard on Patton, but they hadn’t been prepared for this. It was entirely possible that they had never run into a thrall this strong, one maintained for so long, in their entire hunting career.

Most aggressive thralls would attack relentlessly to defend their master from harm. Seeing as they’d been the ones to kill his “sister”, if Patton was going to vent his ire on anyone, it would be them. Roman stepped forwards carefully regardless, knowing that they owed it to him to at least try to help him recover. “Patton?”

“I should have helped her,” he replied tonelessly, voice half-ruined from screaming. He picked up a broken chunk of a table leg, and they all went tense, but all he did was slam it against the wall.

“I should have saved her!” he cried, punctuating every word with a swing. “Where is she, where is she, what did I do to her?”

“A better question would be: what did she do to you?” Logan asked, ignoring the sharp look Anx sent his way. They’d all been unsettled at the way the vamp had talked about Patton, like someone possessive over a favored plaything, but that didn’t mean they should be bringing it up now.

They’d finally gotten Patton’s full attention, as he turned to them with angry tears in his eyes. “She did everything for me! And I— I gave her away, I betrayed her…”

“She was hurting people,” Anx cut in, voice firm but not unkind. For all that he’d been through, Patton didn’t deserve unkind.

“I could have fixed it, I thought I was— I was getting through to her,” he pleaded, his voice unsteady and unconvincing even to himself. He dropped the wood, pressing bleeding knuckles against his face to stem the tears.

“It’s not your fault, Patton, okay?” Roman tried, stepping closer until he could reach out and set his hand on a trembling shoulder. Patton only seemed to bow further with the weight of his grief.

“Giving her up was supposed to kill me,” he said softly, the frenzy gone from him. “How am I supposed to live without her?”

“The same way everyone else does,” Roman pulled him in for a hug, his own eyes wetter than they’d been before. “One day at a time.”

Click.

The living room of the house— their house.

Perhaps more importantly, the smell of something burning.

Anx had always been twitchy about things like this-- a thousand potential disasters in mind for every little inconvenience-- so he bolted off the arm of the couch the moment the scent registered.

When he got to the kitchen, he heard the rattle of an active microwave, saw Patton standing and staring blankly at the display as the inside of the microwave clouded up with smoke.

Cringing at the thought of the smoke alarm going off, he turned on the overhead fan and pulled the window up before finally yanking the microwave door open.

A plastic takeout container was halfway to a melted puddle, mixing with whatever leftovers had formerly resided there. He slid on a pair of duck-themed oven mitts and grabbed the most solid-looking parts, quickly lifting and carrying the mess to the balcony where it could cool down without making their house smell like burnt plastic.

When he returned, Patton was still in that same spot, frowning slightly as though just realizing that something might be a little off. Like someone had pressed pause while the world fast-forwarded around him, Patton had described it once.

Anx flitted about for a moment, putting the mitts back and cleaning the leftover residue, and then finally faced his friend with a wry half-smile. Patton’s eyes snapped to him, as though just realizing he was there.

“Hey, Pat.” He reached out and set his hand against Patton’s back, watching as the touch helped ground him slightly. “Can you go sit at the table? I’ll bring us both something to eat.”

Without a word, Patton turned and walked to their little dining table.

Cooking was admittedly harder when he ducked away to check on the other room every few moments, but he managed alright, only singeing the eggs slightly where Roman would have incinerated them.

He set the table for them both, and sat across from Patton, who was motionless and quiet in his chair.

“Can we eat together?” Anx asked, offering Patton a fork so there was a physical prompt as well as a verbal one.

It took a moment, but Patton gripped the fork easily and started to work through the motions of eating, mirroring Anx. Whenever he faltered or seemed to forget what he was in the middle of, Anx would nudge his attention back on track.

Once they were finished, he gathered up his dishes and asked Patton to grab his, carrying them back to the kitchen together.

Patton paused for a moment at the sink, mouth twitching into a frown as he stared at his glass and the lingering layer of orange juice at the bottom.

“Does anyone want tea?” he asked suddenly, a well-practiced line in a cheery tone. “I’m very good at tea service, you know.”

Anx swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m good, Pat,” he declined instead of pointing out that they didn’t have any tea in the house.

Patton seemed to get a little hazier, his face going sad and then quickly lax again. Anx took the glass from him and offered him a hand to hold instead, squeezing his palm comfortingly when he accepted.

“I need help out in the garden today. Do you think you could lend a hand or two?”

He dipped his head in a nod, and as they made their way to the back door, Anx shot a text off to the group chat.

> nightmare on edge street: out in the garden with pat. bad day protocol, stat

When they came back in hours later, dirt under their nail beds and probably a little sunburned, Roman and Logan had already combined their talents to set up an elaborately decorated but still structurally sound blanket fort spanning the entirety of the living room.

Patton’s face twitched into a tremulous little smile as the others waved them over, and Anx felt him squeeze their joined hands gratefully.

Click.

The sequence rewound, restarted. Ran him through it over and over, the same scenes-- the same memories. Patton pouring tea with a determined, terrified glint to his eye. Patton’s mind struggling under the stress of the snapped bond. Patton working through a difficult day with the help of friends.

The scenery grew brighter and brighter with every repetition, like saturation turned all the way up on a screen, until they were as painful as sunlight on his bare skin. He tried to close his eyes, to move away, to change something, anything, but his body wasn’t his own.

Look at him, it seemed to demand, keeping him frozen in a sensory hell. Pay attention. Look what you did. Understand how you hurt him.

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click.

Clunk.

Silence. The memories vanished, leaving him floating in an impossible, endless black space. Between one blink and the next, he was eye-to-eye with a mirror image, something about it just slightly off.

He didn’t notice the stake in its hand until it was too late.

---

Anx jerked upright, hands jumping to his chest as the phantom sensation of wood between his ribs faded. His breath stuttered painfully, as though he expected to feel ichor welling up in his mouth any minute.

Staking a vampire was an archaic hunter method. It was difficult to manage, it was messy, and it was the slowest and most painful way possible to kill a vampire. He knew this, though he wasn’t sure which life was providing the facts.

Regardless of memories, he couldn’t know how it felt to actually be staked. He’d been injured before, with a coven as temperamental as his, but nothing like that. Nothing even close to that. It was just a bad dream, an imagined pain.

There was a subtle shifting nearby, and his head snapped up, eyes bright and teeth bared. If those assholes thought he was in the mood to have his space invaded--

“Easy, Count Chocula.” Across the room, the sword-wielder-- Roman, that was his name-- settled back into the armchair by the door, watching him with narrowed eyes. “I was simply noticing your… abrupt awakening?”

Right. Because he wasn’t settled into one of the tiny, dark rooms reserved for the newly-turned and those who couldn’t shake off the urge to sleep. He was captured by weird hunters, who trapped him in their weird house, and asked weird invasive leading questions about his weird night terrors.

He was also tucked into a bed, for some reason.

The comforter had already slipped down halfway due to his sudden jolt into wakefulness, and he wasted no time in kicking free of the sheets. The room was surprisingly dark in both theme and lighting, with deep purple walls and heavy spiderweb-patterned curtains blocking out any potential sunlight.

There was also a warding circle of ash carefully smudged in a perimeter around the bed, the burning containment runes strong enough to make him want to sneeze even from this distance. The diameter of the circle was wide enough that he could theoretically keep away from any stabbings if he pissed Roman off enough, but add even one more hunter to the mix and it would take virtually no effort to pincer him.

Nothing he could do about the new cage for now, with the hunter staring at him expectantly from his sentry position. He sent a poisonous glare back and hissed, still crouched on the bed like an exceptionally angry gargoyle.

Roman pressed an offended hand to his chest, but was cut off by an inordinately cheerful knock at the door. His expression flickered to a sort of bitter resignation, and he shot Anx a much more serious warning look before unlocking and cracking the door open.

“Hey, Pat! I thought you were taking a nap?” he asked with impressively feigned lightness to his voice.

“I was, I just— Is he awake?” Another too-familiar voice replied, sounded distracted. “I felt…”

“Yeah, Padre,” Roman admitted after a strained pause. “He’s up. You remember your key?”

“Of course!” Patton said, and neither of them elaborated on what the hell that was supposed to mean. Roman stepped aside, and Patton beelined to the bed like a compass needle to true north.

He stopped just short of the circle, like a determined enough— or cornered enough— vamp couldn’t reach out and drag him in. “Anx! I’ve been so worried about you! You took quite a tumble, are you feeling alright?”

Anx stared at him. The words were bright, but there was a thread of something fervent and barely-controlled in them, something frenetic in the way he shifted from foot to foot. It sent a pervasive feeling of wrongness down his spine, like looking at an old photograph and realizing that something you remembered from it was entirely absent.

Anx didn’t— couldn’t know enough about Patton to recognize when he was acting off, but every piece slotted neatly into place anyways, dragging him to a conclusion he didn’t intend to realize; Patton was pretending, ignoring the parts of him that felt bad to reassure the rest of them. After everything he'd already gone through, he was bearing the stress of being thralled without a word.

He could feel the thrall tether pulled taut between them, already mentally frayed from both the time passed since feeding and the pain that had ricocheted through him at his last order. Looking at Patton like this, it was bizarrely easy to loosen his grip and let that last thread connecting them fall apart.

Patton’s shoulders eased, all of him sagging slightly like a puppet with strings cut. And wasn’t that just an uncomfortably accurate metaphor.

In the next moment, the hunter was stepping neatly over the line of ash and into the circle, arms lifted. Roman shouted something, but his alarmed words were meaningless noise against the roar of anticipatory fear that overcame Anx.

Get away, his instincts screamed, but his body remained stuck, stalled by a resentful whisper in the back of his mind: Doesn’t he deserve to get a few hits in though? Look at what you did to him.

A sudden touch made him curl in on himself, but the arms that folded around him were careful, even gentle. His head jerked up, and sure enough, Patton was hugging him. He froze, struck dumb.

Over Patton’s shoulder, Roman was stopped a few feet away, hand outstretched as though he’d planned to yank Patton back out of the danger zone. Anx met his stare, eyes round as quarters.

“I did not tell him to do this,” he blurted, and Patton’s chest vibrated with a little sniffly chuckle. The human was so warm.

At the door, Logan appeared, glasses slightly askew. “Patton? I heard—“

He paused, taking in the room. His expression grew more and more unimpressed. “... I see. Exactly what happened while I was away?”

#sanders sides #ts virgil #ts patton #ts logan #ts roman #vampire au #ttybh #to taste your beating heart #couldnt find a good stopping point T-T #Hope you guys enjoy! #writing #my writing #pov is confusing at the start but i hope it makes sense

[nonbinaryeye]

Yes, @trustworthy-liar​ and I have plenty of headcannons regarding all the lives of Jonah Magnus.

Continuation of THIS POST.

Jonah Magnus

Charming young man who has one day appeared in the society and acted like he always belonged there. He doesn’t like talking about his past.

When he was young he read all books in a family library. After arriving to London he was very surprised by how much he still doesn’t know.

Met Barnabass Bennet for the first time when the young man was travelling through Scotland.

Barnabass later intorduced him to all his acquaintances in the high society such as Robert Smirke and all the others.

Very easily forgets himself in his studies and research especially when there's no one around to drag him away and force him to eat and sleep.

Still genuenly cared about his peers but unfortunately he cared about a knowledge a bit more.

Infamous member of many gentlemen clubs.

Dissapeared at age 83. His body was never found. There are rumors his ghost still wanders through the halls of the Magnus insitute.

(years mark the time Jonah’s conciousnes was inhabiting the body - who would guess that it correspond with time as the Head of the institute as well)

William Bennett

Young, pretty, had decent amount of money and fascinated by all the wierd and obscure things. He was naturally very intriqued when Jonah Magnus offered him a private tour through the artifacts...

Jonah took over William Bennett at age 21. Feeling sour after unsuccesful ritual he decided to enjoy the decadence.

Met with Mordechai once. Lets say Mordechai was not amused by Jonah figuring some way to live longer. And also by the name of the person he chose.

Accidentally got adicted to opium. Jonah didn’t realized till he skipped bodies becuase he was sure he could stop anytime he wanted.

The only time Jonah travelled out of England - to the world expo in Paris in 1989 (“oh it will be probably lame not as cool as ours”). He realized he did not get over his seasickness and fear of ocean by skipping a body way too late.

He met his death at age 47 becuase he got plenty of enemies and also there started to be several rumors about him. Also the opium addiction. Overall Jonah did not treat this body very well - yes, bodies are disposable but he is still living in them...

Jonah made the death look like a murder and framed one of his enemies for it.

Edward Lyon

Edward was boring looking librarian of the Magnus Institute who cared more about books than he cared about people

Body snatched at age of 34

Everyone wrote off Edward’s sudden change of personality as power getting into his head

Jonah establisehed closer relantionship with the Lukas family again - through the dullest person ever, Thomas Lukas

Went back to meticulously researching the rituals and haven’t stopped since 

Died at the age of 64, written off as a heart attact (but for real Jonah just wanted to enjoy 1920′s as a young man)

Augustus Moore

Served in the WWI and after it ended he´was seeking a new life in London and decided to give a statement to the Magnus Institute where he caught the eye of the Head of the institute who offered him a job in the artifact storage

Jonah was jeallous of Augustus being young and having fun so he took over his body at 28 even though he previously planned to wait a bit longer

Around year 1929 he shortly reconnected with Thomas Lukas (who never figured out that he is the same person as Edward or Jonah Magnus - no matter how many not even subtle hints he was giving him)

Spent most of the WW2 hidden in the tunnels scared for his life institute (”Did I miss a Slaughter ritual?”)

During the great fog in 1952 got scared that there was succesfull Lonely ritual

Because there was way too many fog problems in London he decided to skip bodies in 1965 just to be prepared if there was really some ritual

Died at age 65 in a fire, absolutely unrelated to the conflict Jonah was having with the cult of the lightless flame at the moment

Richard Mendelson

Worked in the Library, double faced, acted nice to everyone but behind their back tried to discredit them to make himself look better

At last he got his promotion (to Head of the institute) at age 33

To Jonah’s dismay Mendelson turned out to be lactose intolerant (no cakes for Jonah :(  )

This time he did not come to Lukas but Lukas came to him and boy was he disapointed, Nancy Lukas turned out to be real pain in the ass

Made a wagger with Nancy wether woman can be the Archivist and survive at least 10 years on such position (almost no archivist actually did) - unfortunatley the chosen Archivist was no one else but Gertrude Robinson herself

Unfortunately met his end at age of 47 in a car crash (because Jonah really wanted an icecream and cheese without consequences)

This only fed the rummors about the position of the head of the institute being cursed by Jonah Magnus himself (technically they were not wrong...)

James Wright

Filling clerk at the research department, unhappy, divorced and lonely man with past alcohol adiction problems

Body snatched at age 45, Jonah wanted much younger body of a man who he thouht was named Robert, turns out his name really was just “Bob” and he coudn’t have that

Turned out James had kids, one of them tried to reconect with their absent fater. Jonah was not very happy about it.

In 1989 met with Peter Lukas

Since he couldn’t have alcohol, he wanted to try opium again (moderately this time) and was shocked that it was illegal, so he turned to smoking and cake

Staged his death at age 68 as a suicide

Elias Bouchard

Worked at the artifact storrage

Jonah took his body sooner than previously planned because Elias wanted to get some horrendous tattoo

Jonah threw away all his clothes...but he kept the funny weed socks

Til his end in the Spiral Michael Shelley never figured out why his friend started to act so weirdly (Jonah had it as his side hobby to induce the paranoia in him by acting like the good old Elias to him from time to time)

Peter was very much not amused by this little stunt of Jonah Magnus

Stabbed by his Archivist to death while he was crying like a little bitch he is

𝙁𝙚𝙬 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙇𝙪𝙠𝙖𝙨 𝙛𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙅𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙝 𝙈𝙖𝙜𝙣𝙪𝙨

Mordechai Lukas

Already quite rich and well etabilished in the society

Owns a shipping company, which is later the only reason why he still interacts with people

Met with Jonah on gentleman business meeting, they were introduced to each other by Barnabas on Jonah’s demand

To Jonah’s disgust he got married when he was in his early forties

Around 1830s decided to disappear from the society completely only getting ocasionally annoyed by Jonah

After meeting William Bennett he decided that one lifetime with Jonah was enough and dissapeared into the Lonely forever (as you do)

Thomas Lukas

Mordechai’s possible grandson/grandnephew

Rising child lonely at it’s peak

Already married and with few kids when he met Edward. He heard that cheating partner makes one feel very lonely...

Unlike the other lonely avatars Jonah ever encountered this one was trully indifferent towards anything, driving Jonah mad by rarely showing any reaction

Had a brief relationship with both Edward and Augustus however never caught Jonah’s hints who he really is and just assumed that these eyevatars are all kinda the same

Nancy Lukas

The great pain in Mendelson’s ass

Neither impressed nor charmed by him

Regularly calls him out on his bullshit (sexism)

Lonely feminist - believes that independce for women will make everyone more lonely so she supports it

Calls Mendelson “Dick” because that’s indeed short version of Richard

Slightly intriqued by Gertrude Robinson (what a beautiful loneliness right there)

Peter Lukas

First Lukas after Mordechai who really intrigued Jonah

Originally started an affair with Wright because he thought it nice and lonely to be with someone old, who will soon die (boy was he surprised)

Except the train documentaries his guilty pleasure are also romantic movies with tragic ending (Titanic my beloved)

Actually figured it out on his own who Jonah Magnus is(because of course he wanted to play this game again with this fresh new Lukas)

Anyway both @trustworthy-liar​ and I still have plenty of headcannons about Jonah and all of his bodies (especially the oc ones) so you can probably expect more detailed posts with thorough biography of every single one of them in the future.

Just to be clear most of the dates as well as all the funfacts are really just our made up headcannons. We didn’t bother writing here some of the cannon events but they are marked on the  well-arranged timeline.

#Did we waste our time by thinking way too much about Jonah Magnus and creating way too many headcannon about him? #Yes yes we did and we regret nothing... #Also I apologize for missing date of death on Elias' plate my gf is still in denial #Anyway yeah we still have plenty of thoughts and we will keep making it your problem as well #Or not you dont have to read this #tma #tma ocs #jonah magnus oc bodies #jonah magnus #all the lives of jonah magnus #elias bouchard #james wright #richard mendelson #lonelyeyes #all the more controversial headcannons (because trans jonah) will be in the future posts #mEye post #mEye jonah take

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

33. Cruise to alberobello

Prompt used - tasting the others smile | this is Definitely not how I expected to write it or how I thought it would've turned out, but I do hope you like it or it'd be a waste | immensely inspired by call me by your name | today's post I'd like to dedicate to @littlebodybigheartttt for putting a smile on my face |

Harry recites a story to the wizard travellers in hopes to impress the boy behind the bar

Fanart taken down because of confidentiality.

Fanart credit - @upthehillart

" I've got one " harry raised his forefinger to grab the attention of the fellow mates on the table

" so a few years ago, I had just started my auror training, probably like 2 months in, I got a call from my boss saying harry I need you in my office right now, I've got a job for you. And that 18 year old me so excited to get a job much before than any of my pals, I ran to the office as soon as possible and when I reached my boss guess what he said, harry I need you to go and fetch me these specific files from so and so person. I was shook for a moment that he called me all the way just to fetch some files from other country which possibly anyone could've done for him but I agreed to go nonetheless. The intercountry apparation was banned for a time there so I flew there. I was transported to a small town on South italy, I thought typical place, typical people but when I reached there, the place was goddamn symmetrical, yes not tall and High or pretty place, symmetrical. Everything so conical and guess what I found out, in a population of 11,000 only a 100 wizards and witches " harry paused to take a sip from his champagne glass, a couple of other people joining along over the table to listen to his intriguing story.

" and then blah blah, got boring fetching those files and such so I hit a bar. A muggle bar as I believe. There I was drinking my beer like quite a gentlemen and then there comes a girl, sat down beside me without asking and take my beer and I look at her like excuse me, miss but I think you've taken my drink, but she just shrugs and drink further so I ordered another for me. And then she goes, you see that couple over sitting by the door, I can bet that they are happily married and will definitely divorce the next year. I ask her how do you know and she goes I just know and then the next thing I know a bartender goes to them and says honeymoon special. I was shook but said it's just a simple coincidence but then she tells about 5 more people and only one of them she got wrong. I kept on saying maybe it's a coincidence, or Maybe she knew but then she proved me she didn't. And then we got to talking like I had never talked to anyone. You know the kind of energy where you just hit it off with someone, she was that person, Only she was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes upon, like a Sin city just walking like every normal person but she had no idea how beautiful she was, like a beautiful summer day " and harry stopped eager to see some reaction

" then what ?"

" then we talked. I thought she was all just Beauty but I had never met anyone like her. She talked of things only one could've thought of. So we were talking on the matter of love and she goes it's all complicated and then I ask her to elaborate. So she does, she says the complication in love lies only in its complexity, and then she goes like we often mistake love to be like a summer breeze that is there one day that takes you away and you enjoy it while it lasts but love, actually is like a dagger, it can pierce right through you, leave you bleeding if you get too close but if the dagger points them, you let yourself them fall over it, you stab them just like you do when it points you. So I ask her what does she think of soulmates or the marriage that lasts forever and she smiles at me and went soulmate is a consolation for a weak hearted that there exists love for you which would be devoid of your insecurities. And I frown, I said that what if it's a perfect relationship, and then she says, there can never be a perfect relationship because if it exists, then the love isn't real and I get confused " harry notices the table filling in more, the bartender giving him a small smile, happy for his victory.

" and she says, my love, love is not a summer breeze, love is like a pandora box fill with paradoxical substances. It's a cold breeze that leads you to the Amazon forest, wide and unforeseen opportunities and problems available, but as you go deeper in the forest you realise for every problem there exist a solution. It's like falling on the dagger and bleeding but you should be intoxicated with the love of the dagger, so you will never die. I was amazed, she said so much reality in those few words. Then I ask her so what about people who say love is magical ? And she goes, doesn't magic exist, but if I were I to say, they find themselves ethereal when they fell over that dagger, the dagger in there you see is poisoned just like every other, yet a few realises and few doesn't and the one who doesn't says love is magical. Then out of curiosity I ask her when the clock hit exactly 12, do you believe in love ? She smiles at me very elegantly, the one she hadn't pull off the entire night, and she says I my friend, am the said dagger "

" seems as if we're there aren't we ?" Someone Whispered across the table.

Harry looked at them, gave them a small smile impressively and begin again " I ask her one last question, do you believe in soulmate ? And she shook her head and got off the stool and kisses her beau. I was rendered speechless, and then she says so long my friend and starts exiting the bar, I felt to myself that if I didn't follow her, I'd be damned, so I followed, Just a few steps away and then call out to her, she turns around and I ask her name and she replies with, my name is what there is in one, but only who fail to love doesn't have and then she says, this is Alex by the way, my soulmate. I turn to my side thinking of what possibly her name could've been and then when I raise my head, she has gone. Not like walked away gone, she had disappeared, with her beau and I stood there yet amazed. And then the next day I go to the bar again and ask about the girl to that bartender I was talking to and he goes, sir I do not know who was with you, all know is you came alone and went home alone. I didn't linger on much, and I called this the cruise to alberobello " and harry stops suddenly finishing off the rest of his champagne. He raises his eyes to meet the boy behind the bar, smiling wickedly at him.

" wha- what happened then ? Did you ever get to know her name ? Was any of it even real?" Someone asks in morbid curiosity.

"I always assumed her name to be Alma, meaning soul, with no other meaning and to this day the cruise to alberobello remains one of my most mysterious epiphanies " Harry chuckled. Groaning everyone dropped the story, intrigued by the story themselves.

It was half past 12 when the bar started emptying out, reaching its closing time and harry made himself comfortable over the bar stool.

" quite a story tonight " the boy with freckled eyes says wiping off the glasses with a dry cloth.

" I did. Travellers always seeks stories as such. Something they've never heard before, and leave them wondering " Harry chuckled finishing off his drink and pushing off the cup towards the boy..

" i must admit, I myself am very intrigued by the story" the boy smiles at harry. Harry looks at him warily smiling, he felt proud.

" I get off in 10 minutes, walk with me ?" He asked as he started taking of his apron

" I wouldn't do anything otherwise " Harry replied and exited the front door, the open sign changing to closed by a wand less magic and harry follows to the back door, waiting for Draco like he always does.

Exactly 10 minutes later, draco exits wearing a light Denim jacket over his black shirt and pants.

" shall we ?" He asked as he pushed his hands down his pocket.

They walk home talking about Harry's story, how it seemed almost unreal, however, they both Would've been doomed fools to not admit that the night had an enigmatic aura to it.

Just as they reached Draco's door, he pushes his hands in his pockets tip toeing waiting for Draco to safely reach inside.

" well that's me then " Draco said as he turned around after opening the door.

" I'll see you later then " Harry awkwardly replied.

" okay " Draco smiled

" okay "

" okay "

Harry smiled and started tumbling back his home until he turned just in time to tell Draco one last thing.

" hey, Draco "

" yeah ?"

" you know my cruise to alberobello ?"

" yeah ? What about it ? "

Harry smiled biting his lip

" you are my cruise to alberobello "

And with that Harry vanished in thin air, letting the curiosity killing Draco's cat. Everything Harry had said, Draco used to put it down on little notes and keep it away in a box , a small gesture Remind Draco of Harry if he were to ever be gone but this left him shook. The truth about his cruise to alberobello, was that if the epiphany was even real or not, Harry didn't answer that. The mystery of the story lied within the fact how anyone could've ever remembered something from ages ago, it seemed unreal but harry was a man of many words, anything but a man who would forget. And this Draco knew because of his simple rememberance of bringing him a dairy free product when draco had told him very discreetly that he was lactose intolerant.

Draco tired to sleep it away but the restlessness buried in every nerve of him that forced him to stay awake until he couldn't bear anymore and disapparted to Harry's place.

" Draco, what are you doing here ? It's almost 2 " Harry frowned as he allowed Draco to walk into his own little Land of wonder he called home.

" you asked me on the way back if I believed your story to be real ? Here's what I think, the cruise to alberobello is infact an envisage of an interaction you assumed you had with the girl named Alma who sat next to you on the bar stool with her beau Alex, who you irrevocably found to be like dagger who would pierce you open if you fell for her but you couldn't bring yourself to even try to talk to her, so you imagined all of it. But when you met me, that girl named Alma became me, and I became your cruise you'd want to go on with but are too Afraid of admitting. Correct me if I'm wrong " Draco explained in a breath still standing in the hallway.

Harry frowns before he crossed his arms and smiled " I'm impressed "

" tell me if I'm wrong ?"

" what if you are ?"

" then you would lie because you only said what you said because you knew I'd be the only one who would understand the story "

Harry remained in shock, frowning" I'm thoroughly shook how beautifully right you are "

Draco huffs out air in relief " well harry James potter, then I am asking you to be my cruise to alberobello ? Will you be ?"

" Tomorrow night, 8 pm, Alberta palace ?"

" I'll be there " Draco replied.

" good night then Draco " Harry chuckled.

" Good night" Draco replied and was only About to disapparate when Harry interjected

" one last thing" and with that Harry kissed Draco's lip. There must've been something weird in the air because they both broke out laughing while kissing each other.

" took you this long ?" Draco smiled, his lips still pressed against Harry's and his arms wrapped around his torso.

" I was waiting for you to be impressed with at least one of my stories. I'm not just Beauty you know " Harry mumbled

" well you finally succeeded " and with that Harry softly traced Draco's lips with his own. It must've been so ethereal to be in the moment that draco couldn't stop smiling, and harry was drunk on Draco, and in Prosperity couldn't stop tasting Draco's smile, it could've been kissing but it felt otherwise, Harry was happy anyway.

And next night onwards,he didn't need more stories to attract the boy behind the bar.

This might be considered as a very late submission for @drarrymicrofic " cruise "

Requests open | Master list to all prompts now available

Day 32- reasons to not love Draco malfoy by Harry potter PT.1+PT.2 | Day 34- bath with me

#drarry #harry potter #drarry incorrect quotes #draco x harry #hp fandom #harry james potter #drarry prompt #harry potter fanfiction #draco is gay #draco malfoy #drarry microfic #harry x draco #drarry fic rec #drarry ficlet #drarry fic #drarry fandom #drarry fic idea #drarry fluff #drarry forever #drarry stuff #drarry squad #drarry ship #drarry ao3 #drarry au #drarry drabble challenge #drarry domestic #drarry drabble #harry potter fic #harry potter fanfic rec #harry potter oneshot

[missdawnandherdusk]

an americano

Remus X Reader (coffee shop AU) 

Summary: He always asked for the same coffee order, but one day, he finally asks for your name. 

A/n: So, I put up a post and the lovely @trappedgoose-in-a-writblr-room​ responded first with a request for a Remus drabble so here it is! Our soft nervous precious Remus. I limited myself to about 1k words, so it is truly a drabble, but I’m willing to do a part two if y’all are into it. It’s super cute, and yes, I may or may not be a barista at a coffee shop, but that’s beside the point. and I am seriously judging you if you like americanos

“So, you come here often?”

He had been coming here for weeks. Maybe a few months. And every time he followed the same routine. He’d walk from the small bookshop across the way and into my café just as my shift was coming to its midway point. Always in a jumper. Always with a beat-up satchel. He’d order an americano and sit in the corner booth and tap on his laptop and work through a book, frowning and typing again, until his coffee was gone, and he seemed satisfied with his progress.

Remus. The name he’d put for the order. The first time I wrote it on his cup was customary. By his third visit, I didn’t bother. I knew who he was. By his fifth, he just waved, and I smiled, already pulling the shot of espresso for his americano. After a while I’d write stupid things on his cup. The slower days when we were the only two in the café. The color of his jumper, a silly variation of his name, whatever the main character of his book was. 

“Seeing as I work here,” I baited with a smile. “Yes,”

“Right,” He stammered. “Um...”

“Do you want another coffee?” I prompted, as he looked down, blushing a bright pink. 

“I... uh.” He finally glanced up. “I don’t know your name,” He rushed out.

I looked at him a moment, taken by surprise. 

“And I would ask you to join me for coffee, when you’re off your shift of course... or maybe on your day off if you even want to not that you have to, but I realize that I can’t exactly do that if I don’t know your name, so...” His nervousness left me scrambling to keep up with his rushed words. 

“Y/n,” I gave a reassuring smile. “And I’ll join you for coffee as long as I don’t have to drink an americano,” 

Now it was his turn to look shocked. As if my acceptance of his offer wasn’t expected. 

“I’m sorry, what?” He stumbled. 

“Americanos,” I clarified. “I don’t know how you manage them, because they’re just awful,” 

Whatever he had been thinking was abandoned to defend his drink of choice. 

“They’re not that bad,” He refuted. “And I’m lactose intolerant, so I don’t really have much of a choice,” 

I pursed my lips and chuckled. “Go sit, I’ll be there in a minute,” I sat across from him, setting a cup of coffee in front of him that held a warm amber color. He studied me and the cup. 

“This has milk in it,” He accused. 

“Oat milk, completely lactose free,” I rose my own mug of coffee. “It’s the only way I take my coffee anymore. I haven’t put any sugar in it, I don’t know how sweet you like it and I didn’t want to overdose you,” 

“Oat milk,” Remus pondered, picking up a fair share of sugar packets. “I never would have thought of that,” 

“Here’s to good coffee, not watered-down espresso,” I raised my mug and we both took a sip together and I watched his eyes widen at the coffee in his cup. 

“This is brilliant,” His eyes lit up. 

“You’d think that after the few months you’ve been here constantly, you’d figure out we had non-dairy options,” I teased lightly, and he blushed slightly. 

“I... I was distracted. So, I ordered what I knew,” He stammered, staring at his coffee. 

“Distracted?” I pressed. “Lost in too many books then?” 

“Well, yes. But no,” He chuckled. “There’s this pretty barista who works here that keeps me off balance.” I hid behind my mug my cheeks warming. 

“That so?” I tried to play off, but he caught my flush and grinned. “Then why the hell did it take you three months to ask for my name?” I accused, chuckling. 

“Well, I don’t know!?” He laughed. “You just so... you!” 

“What is that even supposed to mean!?” I giggled. 

“I don’t know,” His face was red from the laughter and the unanswered questions. 

“I’m glad you did finally ask,” I admitted, fidgeting with a spare napkin. “Are you a student? You’re always here with a book,” 

“Grad student,” He clarified. “Working on my dissertation. I have an internship at the shop across the way,” 

“You’re there most days that I work,” I noted. “You always come for coffee,” 

“Yeah, well,” He ducked his head. “I may or may not have accidentally memorized your schedule, so that our hours are close to the same,” We both blushed again. 

“Little creepy,” I raised an eyebrow, “And kinda a shame. I’d love to come and bug you while you’re working,” 

“Oh... I—you like to read?” I raised an eyebrow at him, and he backtracked. “Not to say that you don’t! But it’s a shop filled with—” 

“Vintage books, classics, literature, mythology. I know,” I smiled. “I frequent there. Even before you came around,” 

“Really?” 

I nodded and nursed my coffee. “I might not seem like it, but I’m also a student. I work here for the extra cash,” 

“Right,” He fumbled. “I—read anything interesting lately?” He redirected the conversation, and I could tell that he was more comfortable with the topic. It wasn’t hard to pick up that he wasn’t one for small talk, but his eyes lit up at the mere mention of a book. 

“Some work by De Pizan, my professor is doing a seminar on her,” I gave. “It’s really interesting, I’m enjoying it a lot,” 

“De Pizan,” He mused. “Middle Ages? Rhetorist, right?” I nodded and smiled. “It’s been a while since I’ve read anything of hers for class, or fun or that matter. I remember liking her work though, she was a proto-feminist,” 

“Yes...” I was surprised by his base of knowledge.

“Sorry, I know I ramble,” He ducked his head.

“I think it’s cute,”

“Oh... well,” Remus was becoming a permanent shade of pink. 

“You don’t do this sort of thing often do you?” I prompted. 

“What gave it away?” 

“Well, I mean there is the whole name ordeal. Then of course, you’re a shy book nerd, that’s obvious, but honestly, you’re nervous for all the wrong reasons,” I supplied. 

He gaped at me as if he didn’t know what to address about what I said first. While he was deciding, I reached out and placed my hand over his. 

“As someone else with anxiety, let me tell you, you’re doing just fine.” 

“Yeah?” His eyes were hopeful. 

I nodded and glanced at the clock. “Well, my break is over, but you’re welcome to hang out.” I stood, gathering both of our empty mugs. “And thanks... for finally asking,”

.

masterlist

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more like this: 

hufflepuff dating headcannons

stars above

.

@coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18@whygz@crazywritingbug @bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog@savingdraco  @akari180 @slytherin-emerald @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse​ @go-whovian-universe @spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise @katsukink​ @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things​ @tmnt-queen@hxneybgb @belcvayelena @moviesbooksandfandoms​   @cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte @braelynn-johnston     @jiggllyy @darcypotter-blog  @thiccheerioss@lottie289 @beautiful-pegasus@tceedlmao @anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @dragonsandbread @the-queen-of-hell-things @alienmotel  @oh-itsnothing @sunflowerxsadnessw @fattycooter @fanficsigottaread​ @gweaslvy @strawberriesonsummer @gaysludge @ray-of-sunrise @artist-bby @shadowsingeraxolotl @quillsareforwriting @wollymalfoy @lilpieceoftoast @paper-cats @floweryjh @hufflautia @livize75 @annie-mcl @riathearora @live-like-luna @justathoughtfulangel @coconutdawn @skteaiy @naughtygranger @dragonsandbread @abundantxadorations​ @moony-artnstuff @and-then-a-girl-with-luv @1-800-luvsick @pandas-rice-field @in-slytherin-we-trust @emmaa-t​ @introvertedrae @infinity1o1 @echpr@dekulover @marshmallowtraver @cereuselle @lonely-skywalker @sleepysnapesnake​ @hoeforthefictional @coldlilheart @helen-paris @rosie-starlit-sky​ @vulture-withafile @hogstupefy @eveft @iraniq @groovyfluxie​ @cool-weirdo-wannabee-author @rosegold-thorns @criminaly-supernatural @ghostofdolans @mxl-foyrecs @ginger-haired-queen @bex4whovian @kellyrose193 @unlikelygalaxygiver @marvel-trash-was-taken @one-edgy-bitch@supersouthy @garbagejay@rejectedlonelyasianchild  @lucymxwell @coldlilheart @elia-the-bibliophile @biggalaxydreamland @fuckbuckyyy @hopem1218​ @youareinllve @tyrusparker @3rdofkingdomtrees​ @i-mmunity @zero-nightshade @graym01​ @fandomtrash88 @snakey-drakey @ceeellewrites​ @thatguppienamedbae @pinkleopardss @angel-blogging @xhoney-bee-x @jovialthings @samanthahaigwood @minigigglybabi @clumsy-writing-rdb @lahoete @yourenotafailureoverall @m-winchester-67 @shiningstar-byulxx@clumsy-writing-rdb @dracosathenaeum @dracofeltonmalfoy   @harryslouis​ @iilovemusic12us​ @itsbebeyyy @dumspirospero-1​ @kaye-lantern @anerroroccurrrrred @franbow29​ @big-galaxy-chaos @itsbebeyyy @gryffindors-weasley @ornella0910​ @ultrabuzzlightyear​ @phantomface1983 @emmalee12 @kuyrukludenizkizi @aubreylovesthegames @deafeninglandpersonempath @ackermanbitch @oingo233​ @drismultiverse-blog​ @majicbamana​ @harrypotter289​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @cupidpoison​ @brownwheatrice @introvertedrae @gryffindors-weasley​ @frecklesandfirecrackers​ @bitchinbadgers​ @mkstover​ @dracomalfoyreader​ @mortallythoughtfulgurl @sakumorubywy​ @smileycount​ @ceeellewrites​ @is-it-really-a-secret​ @blogforharrypotter​ @spencerreidisbootiful​ @lam-ila​ @justawilddreamerchild​ @heavenlyrainyparis​ @trappedgoose-in-a-writblr-room​ @dracomalfoyreader​ @spellbinding10​ @justawilddreamerchild​

#remus x you #remus x y/n #remus x reader #remus x #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin x you #remus lupin #Moony #moony wormtail padfoot and prongs #the marauders #the marauders map #marauders era #marauders fanart #Harry Potter #harry potter blog #harry potter fanart #harry potter request #coffeshop #coffeeshop!au #Draco Malfoy #draco lucius malfoy #draco redemption #draco malfoy redemption #redeem draco malfoy #redeem slytherin #slytherin #hufflepuff #Gryffindor #ravenclaw

[flameontheotherside]

Bummer... 😞

How do you miss someone you never met? How do I explain to my therapist that I feel like a widow? How the fucking hell do I not get triggered over the smallest things?

Last night I got into a funk after seeing a trailer I posted about a movie. I didn't have the sound on but watched it and just seeing it, I recognized it as my journey ...THIS. If for some reason someone decided to steal my experience for a novel or a movie idea, it would mortify me. The thought of it literally made me sick. My stomach is in knots.

Sometimes I want to stop writing here...

The moment I think that I've shared enough, something makes me write again. If I don't right away, it's like this nagging. Like the same kind of nagging I felt my whole life and since I wrote that letter to Erik's guardian angels in 2007... coincidentally on his birthday. Feeling this is another something I have to do.

Honestly I don't know how many times I have to keep writing about the same thing over and over again. About how much this journey hurts. It's not exactly some kind of sugar coated love story. This is mostly painful and I wouldn't wish this kind of journey on anyone.

There are times all I can do is lay in bed and cry.

I can't talk about it. Not even to my bf who is very very accepting and begs me to open up. I get so fucking tired of going day after day. Just living until I die and who knows what comes after that. Maybe I am crazy no matter how many times this dead guy in my ear tells me I'm not and begs me to not give this all up. All night I've had to keep myself together watching movies with my bf next to me pretending there something in my eye. It happens once in a while.

Now I'm in the bathroom with a hurting stomach not just from thinking about above but I'm lactose intolerant. Had a bowl of fruit with two kinds of Greek yogurt and two bean and cheese burritos. Don't judge me! My bf will be awake all night and maybe into the morning because he got out of bed about 5 hours ago. I know the moment my head hits that pillow I won't be able to stop crying until my meds kick in.

I wake up most days counting the hours to go to bed.

For a long time I looked forward to sleep. Erik started showing up in 2011-ish. I knew him by his hair and he'd show usually at bodies of water and it would take 4 years to finally see his face that I'd come to know and love. Technically I was already in love with in in 2012 but that year I had to let him go.

I thought there was no point to any of it. I stopped being spiritual and tried to convince myself the psychic who predicted Erik's suicide was a fraud. Deep down I knew the truth but what was I supposed to do? A psychic randomly reached out to me in 2017 asking me to talk to him. That's when I knew I was fucked and my life was going to change. Sure for the better but I can't go back no matter if I wanted to.

To be honest, I do sometimes hope I die in my sleep or that I could do what Erik did. God literally knows I tried...three fucking times. Only once since this journey started. Erik made me get up and go to the hospital. I was starting to feel very sick anyway. You can't overdose and die on some meds it turns out and if you try, it's not fun being so sick like that. I only beat myself up for weeks for being so stupid.

Erik always says, "Were together now!"

...Yeah but not really. It's easy for him to say because he's dead and soaked in spirit juice so bad its like he's forgotten what it's like to be human. No he remembers and that's why he's always saying that. I don't want to talk to him tonight. If course he's okay with that. Sometimes there would be days that I don't. It's not like we are constantly talking and whatever. I have a life. We usually save conversations for before bed. I like the idea if having a normal life. Something I always wanted because I was constantly bullied for not being normal. I realize that now that normal was something I was never supposed to be.

So idk if I'll be writing for a while. I don't know how long this funk is going to last.

😘💕 Good night y'all!

#channelingerik #channeling #twin flames #twinflame #mediums #twinflames #psychic #mediumship #my life #birthday letter #depression #suicide #anxiety #erik medhus #twin souls #twin soul #spirit spouse #paranormal #supernatural #spiritual growth #spiritual journey #spirituality #ascension #incarnated alie #incarnated aliens #starseed #starseeds

[pikaflute]

hi, sudafed cleared my sinuses long enough to think so here’s a giant post about most of my charles headcanons

Playlist

OH btw here’s my 4 hour and 23 minute playlist for Charles. Enjoy. Yes I know I’m insane: https://open.spotify.com/user/pikaflute24/playlist/4DBxaaxbqsmJt9Fvl8AgwZ?si=OcXlYCdFRzOhuKa4p_HdUQ

General Headcanons

He was born November 24 1965. He’s currently 56, but I usually write him in his late 40s in most fanfic and content I make. So there’s this middle aged man....

He has hazel eyes. Sometimes they look green, sometimes brown. Sometimes they’ll be white but that’s when he’s using his magic so mind your business

Gear brand over his heart >:)c

:) i think he has piercings and tattoos, a skull (dead man teehee) on his upper arm, a tattoo of a date (the date pickles and him first met TEEHEE) on his left arm also has a tattoo on his arm of the day he “died” on his right. had his ears pierced when he was a teen.

Has a sweet tooth so hard. Smuggles in treats into the drawers of his desk just to snack on during the day and has a mini fridge just filled with ice cream and also sorts of other goodies. He loves brownies and cookies the most

Likes to work out and keep himself in shape. it takes his mind off of stressful things like work and the boys, and just take his morning practice sparring and doing various exercises in the mordhaus gym. 

he’s uh also very flexible so he does yoga a lot when he exercises. don’t. look too deep into that

cannot cook to save his life. he almost burned mordhaus down trying to make himself a sandwich

he can play guitar! he used to play it more often when he was younger but he rarely has the time to play it nowadays. when he does get to play it, it’s usually in private (and mainly songs by dethklok), or it’s to show off to a certain lead guitarist that yes he is playing that solo wrong

he’s ambidextrous but prefers using his right hand. he’ll use his left hand to spar in order to go easy on his opponents because hes a smug cunt

he’s 5′7 but intimidation factor adds a couple inches doesn’t it

has a scorpion named princess as a pet. he lets her sit on his desk sometimes and it scares the shit out of dethklok which makes charles laugh on the inside

hes also a cat person. one time toki brought a cat home and it settled on charles’ lap and he almost cried

loves to be a smug asshole and relishes in it. will not take shit from anyone, especially from some asshole who is trying to pull one over on him

he has no idea how social media works at all. will print memes out to show to dethklok, he’s very fond of cat memes specifically (i can has cheeseburger type beat)

he has no idea what any internet memes means he isn’t going to start learning. he is going to misuse internet phrases. are you boys, ah, finding the imposter? [cue five groans from dethklok]

knows a lot of languages. not a comprehensive list but: french, swedish, norwegian, spanish, italian, japanese, chinese, german, russian and korean

is very competitive. scarily competitive. once he starts losing in smash or mario kart all hell will break lose

very bad at showing emotions or affection, when he gets compliments he gets all red and quiet and mumbles a thank you. 

weird about being touched as well and will usually avoid it unless it’s with someone he trusts

speaking of, his love language is acts of service :)c

hates being called charlie or chuck, unless the right person calls him it ;)

he’s autistic. was nonverbal for most of his life and only talked to certain people, or anyone at all. he stims with his hands and uses his pens to fidget.

has a collection of novelty socks. he likes the ones that have polka dots or stripes

sleeps with a garfield plushie he had since he was younger. it helps him with the nightmares

when any of the boys need help sleeping (usually toki or pickles), he’ll sleep with them in his bed. after dying he had trouble sleeping some nights, so dethklok returned the favor and all piled up in his bed and helped him sleep. he didnt have nightmares after that night

hes nearsighted, and prefers to wear glasses over contacts

lactose intolerant, hes still eating mac n cheese and paying the price

metalhead but pretends to not be just to mess with his boys

crippling addiction to match 3 games. also loves to play minecraft.

overly self sacrificial. puts ones he love needs before his own, results in himself being very isolated and distant from those he cares about because he’s afraid of hurting them

his favorite colors are black and purple

coffee kinda guy. black coffee or bust

has a lot of cute novelty mugs to put his coffee in. he ones from places where dethklok tours, dethklok official ones (the only two that aren’t adorned with spikes), some cat themed ones, a couple that have ties and math references, and one from his boys that says “most brutal manager”. he drinks out of that last one the most

he has a couple of grey hairs and wrinkles, but he keeps them because they remind him that he’s human. also pickles said old men were hot but you didnt hear that from me

likes to play chess but he can never find a good opponent. all the klokateers are too scared if they win and dethklok is too distracted to ever play with him or they end up losing to quickly if charles plays against them

really wants kids. he babies his sister’s sons and daughters a TON (uncle charles always brings the best gifts :) ) and also treats toki like his own son in a way. toki doesnt mind, he really appreciates the love

speaking of, toki does call charles dad once and it makes charles cry for like. a week and a half

his favorite dethklok song is the gears :)

he likes to collect knives as a side hobby, his favorite of his collection is a sleek black one with skulls on the handle

he has a motorcycle and likes to drive it around sometimes to just be alone with himself. it’s all black with a red gear on it

lightweight but only if he drinks the amount dethklok drinks. can hold his alcohol fairly well if he drinks like a sensible human, prefers brandy and wine

he can smoke cigars to be sexy for me and me ONLY

likes to read in his spare time. he likes mystery novels and science fiction

he has soft spot for cheesy sitcoms, they’re his guilty pleasure

his favorite youtuber is lockpickinglawyer. yours should be too

usually sleeps in only his boxers but will wear a shirt if its’s cold. he tends to sleep on his side (also wants to be the little spoon when cuddled but he will never admit that)

takes vacations sometimes away from the boys despite his worry that something will go wrong (it will!). many of his vacations are usually going to visit his family and going to the shore with them, or travelling to somewhere new for a change (cue charles being a yakuza substory on his one vacation per year)

he can sew pretty well. learned from his mom and used to sew the whole his sister use to put through her soccer uniform.

can also do makeup, and usually does it for one of the boys of there’s no one else around to help

bites his lip when he’s nervous. which is a lot

likes chococat and gudetama. he’s a man of tastes

laughs really loud if you catch him off guard. he snorts sometimes too. he’s embarrassed by it, but i think its’ cute

loves law and order obviously 

he likes men

has a lot of pent up rage. very good at compressing it. sometimes

as high priest, he stays up very late trying to decipher the ancient prophecies that dethklok needed to fulfill. he doesnt sleep very much when he starts out because he misses home, so the band makes him come back (or else)

also as high priest he becomes more intune with magic granted to him after he died and he mainly uses his magic to protect his boys when they go back to being a band. also to fuck with them

the band he managed before dethklok was a band named savior who said they were a metal band with a unique sound, but that unique sound was actually just being a christian metal band that were bad at playing music. they also treated charles like shit and blamed him for them doing so poorly with sales and shows. had an unfortunate “accident” with a tour bus after charles had enough of their attitude towards him.  he denies he had anything to do with it (he did.)

Family/Childhood

He’s the baby of the family. Spoiled rotten to the max. He doesn’t admit it though but whenever he comes home you know he abuses the “:)c im the favorite” card

He has 4 older sisters: Caroline who is a high school civics teacher, Cynthia who is a librarian, Callie who is a coach for a soccer team, and Charlotte who is a lawyer/manager who manages Ladyklok, which gets awkward (and funny) when Abigail starts dating the lead singer Natalie

charles is actually one of the tallest in his family. his dad is 6’1 and his older sister Callie is 5’11. cynthia is 5’6, caroline is 5’6, and his mom and charlotte are 5’5.

his mom is a doctor and his dad is an accountant. his mom’s name is giovanna and his dad’s name is elijah

caroline is the oldest sister, followed by cynthia, callie, charlotte then charles.

Charlotte and Charles are sworn enemies since they were born on the same day a year apart and basically have the same job. They do love each other though

His father calls him Charles. Caroline and Cynthia call him Charlie. Callie calls him Chuck. Charlotte calls him Charles (derogatory). His mom calls him a whole slew of nicknames that she made up when he was young (she calls him cheese ball and he turns red)

caroline has a wife (lauren who is a chef) and two kids (evan and shelby)

cynthia is dating a coworker (viola)

callie has a husband (john who is a stay at home dad) and they have three kids (brenda, melissa, and jeff)

charlotte is dating ladyklok (and abigail). this is a weird flex on charles i think.

He had a race car bed when he was like 5

He also was also one of those kids at family game night. He almost killed Cynthia over a game of monopoly

Always got to lick the spoon first after his mom baked brownies

He grew up in North Jersey (derogatory) (also yes im projecting state shot)

He’s also Italian (derogatory)

He got bullied in middle school for a little bit but once his older sisters found out, oh boy did all hell break loose

Was in band in high school. He played flute (DONT TALK TO ME I LIKE PROJECTING), he was of course a soloist and incredibly smug about it

Took gymnastics as a kid. Can do a backflip on command. Also very flexible.

First manager gig was helping his sisters sell girl scout cookies. They raked in a lot of profits when baby bro was behind the scenes. His cut was eating thin mints for free

Loved Star Trek when he was a kid

Was incredibly gifted, and taught himself to read at a young age. didn’t talk that much though

was always sick when he was little. he would always get sinus infections and colds if someone even sneezed weird

was in mock trial in high school. one guy on his team was a jerk to him so charles made it a point to be this poor kid’s nemesis

was on the student council, treasurer of course.

was also in nhs, and he was treasurer there too

was that kid who insisted on doing the group project by himself because he didn’t want to wait on anyone to finish their part

was super rowdy as a kid, always got into trouble but his mom was a little lenient of punishment (hes a mommas boy)

when he was like super young he bit people cause he was just a little monster (charles' sisters: mom charles is biting again. charles, biting one of them: im not :/ sheesh)

wanted to be a lawyer since he was 7

put his own siblings and parents on trial and would win every trial and would always get the last cookie or a higher allowance

he shared his room with his sister Charlotte and they would set up a pillow fort on one of the beds and stay up late reading together 

loved going to the beach as a kid, his mom still has his collection of shells from the beach

on the boardwalk, he would dominate at claw machines anad carnival games. he won a bunch of plushies from himself (and his sisters obviously)

his dad and him have a super close bond. they watched star trek together and also like to watch how the stock market would do. his dad was also sometimes the judge in charles’ mock trials at home

they were very supportive when he came out as gay, he was also the first of his sibilings to come out of the closet

College

Got his masters in business management at rutgers and a JD (law degree) from seton hall law.

Started college when he was 18 (1983) and ended college when he was 26 (1991)

Wasn’t a party guy. Never got invited to many, but he never went unless a certain redhead was in town

Sustained himself off of ramen, coffee, and SSRIs to get his masters (hey man i feel ya)

Did weed like three times. Three of those times were because of, you guessed it, a certain redhead

Speaking of, his first time having sex was in his dorm with Pickles. Pickles also kicked him off of the bed (those beds are fucking tiny) while they slept, and almost burned Charles’ dorm down trying to make toast the next morning

Absolute did not do essays until the night before. Bad habit that made it’s way into Dethklok managing when he’s forced to write a legal brief before 12 am.

Loved calculus 2 for some reason. Nerd

Had a mullet. Pickles thought it was hot (still is) while Charles would rather die than remember anything about that horrid hairdo

Also went through his goth/emo phase while in Law School. He stuck out amongst the sea of sweater vests and polo shirts

Was in a band with his fellow college bandmates. The band was called Habeas Corpses and he was the lead singer who also played guitar. Their sound was kind of similar to TWRP’s first two EPs (The Device and 2nite). they had a grunge aesthetic, and yes charles dyed his mullet black (with a purple streak), for the band.

his bandmates were all fellow law students. dillan was on drums, margaret was their bass guitar, and nick was their keyboardist. all three of them also got tutored by charles while in law school. they are still best friends and write to each other sometimes

Was on the debate team, but uh kicked off due to be very competitive (he threatened to punch the opposing debater)

Was also in the chess club, also kicked off for being too competitive (lunged at a kid for cheating)

After being kicked from the two previous clubs, he joined fencing, his very competitive nature made him the best in the state

nick (the guy in charles’ band) was charles’ roommate the whole time they were in college. they may or may not have had a brief relationship before they realized they would be better as friends

nick also has a nes and charles loved to played zelda and wrote an entire guide for himself because he’s was that into the game (nerd)

occasionally would be found sleeping in the library on campus

wanted to be an RA but the resident association at his schools thought he was a little much. charles took this as a compliment

worked out a lot between studying and classes. a lot of jocks underestimated him because of his size but charles was just :) [casually lifts something heavy]

a lot of fellow classmates thought he was super cool cause of the leather he wore, and how cool and quiet he was, too bad they didnt know he was a huge nerd

tried skateboarding. once.

had a cadillac that barely started and drove like a piece of shit but that was charles’ baby

pickles tried to have sex with charles in said car btw, charles almost killed him for even daring to suggest to tarnish his beautiful baby

has damaged his back permanently because of all the books he used to carry around in his crappy back pack

did some modelling for one of his friends in college. he was very attractive and got some other modelling job through it. he tries to hide that from the boys in the future because he thinks it’s embarrassing

Relationship with Dethklok

Pickles - he’s known the drummer the longest out of any other member, and if you couldn’t tell by now, he had a brief relationship with the drummer back in the 80s (and maybe also still has a crush on him :)). charles respects and admires pickles’ talent as a musician and sometimes they play together when they have time alone. he tries to be there when pickles has a relapse in either emotions with his family or something else, but still tries to maintain a distance because he thinks that pickles doesn’t feel the same as he did in the 80s. (he does btw). nothing could break the bond these two share. not even death

Nathan - understands nathan’s quiet nature (nonverbal kings!) and strive for perfection in everything dethklok creates because he is the same way. their similarities allow them to connect on a level that allows nathan to open up about his feelings that he likes to lock away. nathan also gets charles to open his feelings up and actually care for himself for once in his damn life. charles also helps nathan with the depression he develops after charles dies and how to deal with it despite it being not brutal. nathan wants to give back and he does by becoming one of charles’ closest friends (and maybe even lovers hehehe)

Toki - charles has taken it upon himself to be toki’s father figure after seeing the way toki’s family has left him for essentially dead. ever since toki joined the band, charles has made it a point to be there for him whenever he needed it. even if it meant spending late nights reading to toki or sleeping over in toki’s room to help him sleep, he’ll do it. he blames himself for toki’s disappearance but toki assures him that he did the best he could. toki calls him dad a lot after doomstar. it makes charles cry.

Skwisgaar - unstoppable asshole meets immovable object. skwisgaar sees himself above everyone else like he does with the other dethklok members but with charles, skwisgaar knows that charles isn’t intimidated by him nor will he bow to the guitar god in anyway. this develops a game of cat and mouse between the two, with skwisgaar trying to no subtly push charles’ buttons and to see what makes him ticks, while charles resist him at every turn with a smug ‘:) is that all you got’ and it delights him to finally see the guitarist squirm under pressure.

Murderface - at first the two are very. distant to say the least. murderface used to see charles as unemotional robot and charles was fine with that and accepted the distance. overtime however, and especially after charles died, murderface warmed up to charles confiding in him things he hasn’t told the band, mainly things about his insecurities because charles is ‘fucking smart with crap like this’. and charles helps him and is happy to see him work out his problems and not bottle them anymore like the rest of his bandmates. charles also enjoys murderface’s company as a friend as well. and….he’s gonna help murderface the most with the whole traitor stuff too.

Abigail - mlm and wlw hostility. but seriously they’re good buds. he sympathizes with having to deal the moronic actions of dethklok on a daily basis and also thinks she’s really intelligent and overall fun to hang out with. they take lunch breaks frequently together and like to make fun of people at dethklok dinners together as a fun activity together. abigail will bully his ass once she finds out she’s dating charles’ sister and WILL bring up those baby pictures to get a higher raise thank you very much

Knubbler - can you say coworker besties! like abigail, he gets along because they both have to deal with dethklok being, well dethklok, but with knubbler, charles can relax a little more. the two cause problems on purpose just because they can. the two are also close friends and knubbler tries to get charles to relax for once in his life, and despite charles protests and objections, he sometimes caves and hands out with his friend (maybe boyfriend OOOOO who knows)

Sex Headcanons (IM SORRY)

um maybe he can have a giant dick (10 inches for me), it do be swinging though

daddy kink (everyone stay on this side, ill take care of him….come to daddy ;)c)

likes to do roleplay. he has a lot of costumes prepared for when his partner wants to do a scene with him

likes to bite and be bitten during sex. after a very long night, he’ll be covered in bite marks, it’s kinda hot

no gag reflex ;) he likes to deepthroat but good luck trying to get him to go down on you without him teasing

remember how i said he was flexible like eight times? yeah he uh, uses that a lot to his advantage. likes being fucked in weird positions because of it

the suit stays on during sex

he likes topping because he likes to be in control of everything he does all the time, but really wants to be told what to do sometimes and will let those he trusts do that for him

he has a dick piercing i know it

he's a very busy man, so he relies on his huge collection of toys he keeps in his bedroom and office

really good with his hands. as soon as those hands are on you, its game over

he loves to do it on his desk, makes him feel powerful. when he gets blown under his desk, it really takes all of his willpower to not cum immediately

really sensitive in weird places, specifically his ears

he likes to cuddle after sex, hes the little spoon :)

likes to be tied up, sometimes he’ll get tied up under his suit

mating press and riding are his favorite positions, giving and receiving

size queen, likes large toys and well ;)

has a private room that he sometimes goes to relieve stress, it has a fucking machine that he likes to use often when his job gets too stressful

he’s sucking people off at the klokateer glory hole, he’s uh, very good at what he does

likes to be spanked and like to spank

uses collars and leashes

maybe the klokateers can fuck him, if they’re good ;)

freeballing

likes cum on his face but doesn't seem to realize that means he’ll get cum on his glasses and will need to clean them

he can wear a chastity belt :) for me

likes being came in but will still complain about being gross after

pretty much up for anything, he’s not picky, he just wants to be in control and get off

#metalocalypse #charles foster offdensen