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magics-neptunes-things · 6 months

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A Baby for Christmas

Hi guys ♥

This is a new style I'm trying so I hope you will like it. Please let me know what you think about it! It was very long to write so I'm really sorry if you still find mistakes in it.

Summary : How your baby comes in your life. (Worst summary ever)

Part 2 is here!

TW : Mention of miscarriage, pregnancy.

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December

When Leah looked you in the eye while you innocently drank your coke and said "I want a baby" the shock was such that you spit out your drink. I mean, of course you know perfectly well that the blonde has a desire to create a family, you both talked about it pretty early in your relationship. But you didn’t expect her to throw you this information while you are lying on your couch, dressed only in one of her t-shirts too big for you after activities not necessarily adapted to any public.

By the time you managed not to choke, the blonde had added "With you" which made you bow both eyebrows at the same time.

"Thank God" you answered, dropping your soda can on your coffee table.

Leah laughed and grabbed a tissue to wipe your chin, while taking again.

"I think we have everything we need to welcome a baby properly, don’t you think? We have a house, we both make a good living, and I know you’re the love of my life."

After confirming that she were yours (your two-year marriage could have been proof of that alone), you contacted clinics and took the first steps to the path of motherhood.

You had hoped that the test carried out a few days before Christmas would be positive, but that wasn't the case. Even if Leah hugged you tightly, saying you that's it's ok and you will try again, you can't drive away your melancholy.

The following days, you were eternally grateful for Leah’s efforts to change your mind, going out to different Christmas markets or offering different Christmas activities. She knows how much you love this holiday. And you have to admit that it worked and you probably fell in love with her again.

January

"This is bullshit" you complain suddenly, driving Leah's attention on you.

"Ok. But which one are you talking about?"

Leah's answer made you smile and rolling your eyes. You were walking in Hyde Park hand in hand, taking advantage of illuminations that have not yet been removed. In the early afternoon, many families still enjoy the ice rink and the various activities offered by Winter Wonderland. It's the last day of opening and many people seem to still want to enjoy it.

"Genetics"

All you have to do is take a look at Leah to see that she’s completely lost by what you’re saying. Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t fully realize that Leah’s were thousands years away from yours.

"Care to explain?" asks the blonde, frowning.

You sighed and stop walking, without letting Leah's hand go.

"I want our baby to look like you. Not me."

Leah’s smile is tinged with a hint of sadness. It's obvious that your child will not be able to have your both features and you find this completely unfair. Aside from the fact that he would just be perfect, when you imagined having kids with Leah, you always imagined them looking like her.

"It’s sad and cute at the same time" Leah comments, releasing your hand to put her arm around your waist.

You pout and sigh softly, letting yourself go against her. You’re not a professional sportsman and Leah is going to make her big comeback on the football fields in two weeks. It made sense that you were carrying your child for both of us.

"There is a way to make it possible. To make him look like you" you add, once again crossing her questioning gaze.

"Babygirl I love you but I swear if you prepare to mention my brother in any way…"

"Ew no, what the hell?"

You frown with cringe while looking at her. She shrug and bite her lip before answering to you.

"Well one of the gynecologists we visited mentioned me the idea, but I’m glad to hear you don’t like it"

"I mean Jacob is cute because he looks like you, but not in this way"

Leah has a satisfied and superior smile that makes you laugh softly and you note in a corner of your head to ask her the name of the gynecologist to go and stick an one star in her Google reviews. But you’d rather go back to the present.

"So, what I was saying before you try Lannister-ed us (Leah rolls her eyes) is that I saw on the Internet that there is another possibility. I can take one of your eggs and take care of the pregnancy. But in the end it will look like you."

"Just to be sure" Leah says with her special accent "You want to take one egg from me (she put her index on her) to put it here (she put her index on your belly) and make the baby grow so he looks like me (she put herself again)?"

"Yes?"

"I like this idea a little to much" Leah smirks.

February

You’ve always hated needles since you were little. Vaccines have always been your hell on earth and despite all the persuasion of your mother, you have never been able to donate your blood. Fortunately, you have never had an operation, otherwise you sincerely don't know how you would have done. When you told Leah about this little detail, she thought you were exaggerating and laughed. But that was before you had to have an injection every night for the goods of your treatment and that possibly you could have a baby in a few months.

"Baby, it’s time!"

You look up from the television to see your wife leaning against a piece of furniture in your living room, a mischievous smile on her face and a syringe in her hands.

"Oh no" you whine

"Oh yes."

Without giving Leah time to react, you jump off the couch and run into the bedroom. That doesn’t stop you from hearing your wife’s voice sigh.

"Seriously?"

You’ve only been on this treatment for a few days, but every day is worse than the last. Leah is doing her best and she is particularly sweet and delicate, but your belly is covered with bruises and it has clearly become your most hated moment of the day.

"Y/N I swear to god!" makes Leah when she realise that you hide yourself in the cupboard. Again.

"Leave me alone you creep"

But Leah doesn’t listen to you and opens the closet door on the fly. You try to escape, but it was not counting Leah’s sporting reflexes that tackle you on your bed. Sitting on your legs, she knows you have no chance to escape.

"Baby please, can we talk about this?"

"Stop acting" Leah laughs softly as she lifts your shirt.

Knowing that you cannot escape it any longer, you close your eyes and take a great aspiration.

"Finished"

You open your eyes to see the satisfied face of Leah, who in the meantime put the needle on her bedside table.

"I have to admit you’re getting better and better at it" you whisper reluctantly.

In truth, you didn’t even feel anything. But you quickly spot the glow that shines in Leah’s eyes when she looks at you.

"I must admit that I particularly like this position" she whispers as she leans over you, putting her lips on yours.

March

"I think I’ll throw up" you nervously say.

"Actually, I think you were supposed to pee on it" your wife objects with sarcasm.

Despite yourself you let go of a nervous little laugh, rising from the edge of the bathtub on which you had settled. Today is the famous day of the pregnancy test and you are so stressed that you wonder if you will fall out, vomit or simply end up rolled into a ball on the floor of your bathroom.

"5 minutes" Leah grumbles after a few seconds, looking at the timer on her phone. "Who makes these tests?"

"Certainly people who love neither women nor children"

It’s Leah’s turn to giggle a little, but the tension is still there. To pass the time, you sing from memory Good Caroline in your head several times, until the timer rings in the room. Leah jumps so much that she drops her phone on the ground.

You exchange a look and you talk first.

"You’re watching. I don’t have the courage."

Leah sighs softly but gets up from the toilet bowl, nervously approaching the two tests you've done. You preferred to be sure of the result so as not to have false hopes, just in case. With trembling hands, Leah takes a deep breath before taking both tests in her hands. Her nervous face becomes unreadable and you will certainly die of stress in a few seconds.

"So what? Lee?"

After a few seconds, Leah puts her attention back on you, her gaze still unfathomable.

"My Love, I swear…" you begin, ready to threaten her if she remains silent one more second.

"Positive."

"What?"

She seems so incredulous that you think you misunderstood. But a big smile appears on her face and she jumps into your arms.

"Positive! We will be Parents!"

April

Lying in your bed, Leah is scrolling on her phone while you have opted for a more traditional way of doing things, using a book. You’ve been thinking about a name for a few weeks without really finding your happiness. Despite the fact that you still go the time, you fear that you arrive at the birth before making a choice. Not wanting to know if the baby is a girl or a boy complicates your task, but it's time to assume this choice until the end.

"What do you think of Alistair?" you ask while raising the nose of your book.

"Of course, if you want him to be able to join the royal family later, it will be perfect" mocks Leah and you roll your eyes.

"I know!" exclaims your blonde seconds later with a victorious smile. "William!"

"William Williamson? Really?"

"Well, yes!"

Your sarcastic tone and arched eyebrow seem to amuse Leah more than reason since she laughs, proud of her discovery. And seeing her happy face, you can’t help but smile softly.

"Harry?" you suggest, a few minutes later.

"No."

Leah’s clear and almost cold answer surprises you and you raise your nose from your book to look at her. Her eyebrows are raised and you don’t understand why. Does she have a hatred you didn’t know about Harry Potter?

"Why?"

"Because Harry Kane and there's no fucking way that my son is named after a Tottenham player."

Leah threatens you with her finger and you hold back with a smile, realizing that the subject is burning for your wife.

"Oh man…" you whisper softly as you resume your reading.

Some time passes and the silence settles, interrupted only by the rain that strikes against the windows of your house. You take advantage of this silence to snuggle up against Leah and you smile as you feel her cheek pressed against the top of your skull.

"Magnus?" you suggest after a few minutes.

Leah raises her head and thinks a few seconds before nodding.

"I like it. You can add it to the list."

With a satisfied smile, you add Magnus to Cameron’s suite after taking the time to trace William. The innocent look that Leah takes when you look at her while doing it amuses you and you rest your pen.

"We’re only looking for a boy’s name, but what if it’s a girl?"

Looking up at you, Leah puts her phone on her thigh and you see her hesitant to speak again. The way she sways slightly on the mattress makes you think about what she does when she stands up and has to tell you something. Fortunately, this was never a serious confession.

"Well… there’s a name I like, since I was a teenager"

"Okay?"

"I’m afraid you don’t like her"

You smile softly, passing your legs over hers. Your curiosity is driven by the fact that Leah doesn’t seem to want to tell you. Taking her hand in yours, you intertwine your fingers and look into her eyes.

"Come on Leah, just tell me" you whines.

"Charlie?"

"Charlie Williamson" you try the first and last name several times on your tong, under the inquisitive eye of Leah, before giving her a big smile. "I really like it."

May

"I'm scared" you mumble against Leah's neck, where you're hiding your face.

You both were in the gynaecologist’s office that follows you during your pregnancy. This is the first ultrasound you will have for your baby. After taking a blood test after a month of pregnancy and confirming that you were pregnant, you considered it unnecessary to specify that you did a test almost every other day. This all sounds almost too good to be true. You feel like something terrible is going to happen to you.

"I’m sure it’s going to be all right" Leah replies with her deep, calm voice, kissing the top of your head.

In truth, she is at least as stressed as you and doesn't pay any attention to the magazine she's reading. She is also the first to get up when you are called, even if she gently reaches out to you to help you do the same.

The gynecologist asks you about your state of health, but you rather want to shake her so that she hurries to put you on the observation table. You want, need, to know that everything is fine.

After a few minutes it is finally the case and you find yourself nervously attached to Leah’s hand.

"We may not hear the heartbeat well, since the fetus is still small" it informs you, which does not help your stress to decrease.

You answer nothing, focused on the images that scroll on the screen in front of you. You look at Leah when she explains to both of you where the baby is, which you would have been unable to see on your own. These white spots are inexplicable to you. But your wife’s wet eyes are enough to make you smile.

"Come on, let’s try to listen to his heart now."

You swallow and close your eyes, expecting to hear a very slight sound after the doctor’s explanations. But it’s actually a fast and loud drumming that sounds in the room, making you quickly open your eyes. The sensations you feel when hearing this melody are indescribable and you only realize that you are crying when Leah gently wipes your tears with her thumb.

"It looks like this baby is in great shape. Congratulations. I’ll let you get dressed and we’ll make an appointment for the next check."

You nod and can’t get your eyes off the frozen screen where the proof is that this baby really exists.

"We’re gonna be parents."

Leah’s sentence, the same one she uttered when discovering the positive tests, seems more like an achievement this time. But you understand her feeling. It seems to be much more real.

"You’re not gonna knock out, are you?"

The look lost in Leah’s gaze becomes clear again when it lands on you and you address her a mocking smile.

"Of course not. Kiss me rather than tell nonsense."

Smiling again, you stand up and put your arms around her neck to kiss her tenderly. You let go of her when she kisses your cheek and neck, enjoying the moment. You’re going to be parents. And most importantly, your baby is healthy.

June

The good weather being back, it's with a little more motivation that you go to Leah's football matches. Even if you haven’t missed one in or around London, not having to cover yourself with layers of clothing is nice. Summer is coming and the end of the season too. Arsenal is pretty well placed in the standings, but it's a FA Cup's match that is being played today. And not just any since it’s the final and Arsenal is playing against Chelsea.

You find yourself in the ranks of families and friends, surrounded by the Williamsons and other family members of different players. The friends are also present since Ella Toone is also part of the ranks, just like Mary Earps and other international players that you have already met several times thanks to Leah.

You're wearing a jersey with Williamson print on your back, Leah's Arsenal cap and you bought yourself a scarf at the booth, which you put on your shoulders. The proud look your wife gave you when she saw you was worth it.

The match is tight and it's with a blank score that the half is whistled. Leah looks for you and addresses you a smirk before entering the tunnel to return to the changing rooms, which you answer obviously.

"Would you like something to drink, darling?" asks your mother-in-law affectionately and you think for a few moments.

Quench your thirst and know that you will run to the toilet a few minutes later and definitely miss part of the game? Or wait for a few more minutes? You end up opting for the second option and given the following of events, you are quite right. If you’d missed that moment, you’d probably have found yourself with a divorce paper under your nose.

60th minute, a corner for Arsenal is played right in the box. The ball is taken from the head by Alessia but ends on the crossbar. However, it’s not over since Lia managed to intercept it and pass it back to Leah who sends a cannon ball to the bottom of the nets.

You expected Leah to rush to her teammates to celebrate, but instead you see her positioning her arms as if she was carrying an imaginary baby and she started rocking it. There’s a big smile on your face when you realize what she’s doing. You haven’t made your pregnancy public yet, fearing you’ll have to announce bad news if things go wrong. It must also be said that the fact that you are not famous and that your belly grew during the winter allowed you not to have too much effort to put in place for this.

Playful smiles on their faces, Leah’s teammates finally reach her height to congratulate her for this goal. These hugs finished, Leah looks for you again among the crowd and you send her a kiss with your hand.

Thirty minutes later, the referee’s whistle rang through the stadium, sealing Arsenal’s victory. You find yourself jumping on the spot with excitement too, cuddling all the people you can reach. You know how important this game was for Leah, who wants to get back to her old level as soon as possible.

It’s only after the cup has been lifted by the whole team that Leah makes her way to you, but you’re happy to see her enjoying these moments with her friends. You smile when you see her running towards you and get as close as possible to the edge of the field. The height of the bleachers doesn't seem to bother Leah who climbs it simply to get to your height.

"I’m so proud of you, Leah" you smile as you stretch out your arms at her.

A big smile on her face, Leah hugs you with pleasure, putting a tender kiss on your lips.

"Did you see my goal?"

"Was it you? I could have sworn it was Cloé who scored that fantastic goal"

Leah snorts and you smirk at her, taking her face in your both hands.

"Have you seen my celebration too?"

"I did Baby. You're such a dork" you smile when Leah laughs and kiss her once again, forgetting the world around you, making you believing that you are all alone.

But you weren't.

"Hum. Mind if I hug my sister, too?"

September

Leah’s flirtatious nature is known in the football world and it never changed when you guys got together. You know perfectly well that there is nothing behind, you saw the way she flirted "for real" when she became interested in you. However, as you often tell her, it's not necessarily as easy to understand for the person in front of her. Because of her sexual orientation, they are very often girls.

But then again, you never gave her a fit of jealousy because she never exceeded the limits you set and because she always proved to you that you could have a blind and total trust in her. Apart from her sharp, chaotic, unpredictable and sometimes stubborn character, Leah knows how to be affectionate, attentive, romantic and tender. You think some people won’t believe you, but you don’t care. That part of Leah is only for you and that’s perfect.

But tonight, you feel your hormones bubbling. Leah asked you to join her in the karaoke bar she used to go to with her teammates. Tonight there’s Alessia, Lia, Alex, Katie and Caitlin. After breaking everyone’s ears on an Adele song, Katie was forced to sit down for the end of the evening and sulks in her corner. Alessia and Leah went back for drinks while Alex started a song with Caitlin.

Lia is installed at your side, but you must admit that you're paying any attention to your discussion. Your interest is entirely focused on the waitress who flirts without the slightest embarrassment with your wife.

"You’re not listening to me at all" Lia laughs softly, making you finally turn your head in her direction.

"No, I’m sorry."

You make a grimace but she addresses you a smile, apparently not in the least vindictive. You like the Swiss girl, you know she had a little fling with Leah before you met, but her behavior towards you has always been impeccable. You can’t tell if feelings are completely erased from her side, but she’s a loyal friend to Leah and who would you blame for someone having stifled feelings for the perfect woman that is Leah?

Speaking of the blonde, you shift your attention to her to see that she is still in full discussion with the waitress. Even Alessia seems to find time long, her gaze navigates between Leah and the table. Noticing that you observe the scene with coldness, she taps on Leah’s shoulder with a discreet nod in your direction.

Your eyes cross the baby blue of Leah who seems to realize the situation immediately. So she easily emerges from the grip of the waitress who had literally grabbed her arm to come back to you.

"A little song Less?" quickly offers Lia when she feels the tension emanating from your body.

Alessia vaguely answers a "Yes please" letting her desire to flee the possible dispute that point the tip of her nose, which would surely have amused you another day.

"You okay Babe?" asks Leah, putting a hand on your leg.

"Don’t Babe me, Leah." You said coldly with an eyebrow arched.

"Come on, Baby, it was nothing. We were just talking."

"Normal people don’t talk to others by sticking their breasts under their noses."

Leah rolls her eyes and you push her hand back from your leg, but the blonde does not let go and passes the same hand around your shoulders to squeeze you against her. You try to escape, but your big belly is holding you back. Now the baby’s on Leah’s side.

"Leah" you try to push her away despite the gust of kisses she puts all over your face.

"Leah" you repeat once again, feeling your anger wither.

"I love it when you say my name" your wife whispers mischievously in your ear.

"Stop it. It’s not funny"

Despite this, Leah has a smile on her face when she resumes speaking, your chin delicately trapped between her thumb and index finger.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it bothered you that much. You know I only see you. It doesn’t bother you so much usually, what changes this time?"

You shrug your shoulders in perfect bad faith. You know why, but you’re not sure you want to talk about it. When it goes like this before, you have a nice time sticking to Leah and making out with her to make your rivals understand that she's yours.

"Dunno" you mumble before you finish your soda.

"You’re lying" Leah whispers in your ear, laying a kiss on the corner of your jaw.

"What do you want me to say?" you sigh softly "she is younger, prettier and she can certainly offer free drinks to whoever she wants."

The end of your sentence was mostly meant to distract Leah from the rest, but it obviously didn’t work. The blonde straightens a little, frowning.

"No one is prettier than you"

"Oh please, Leah, I appreciate your support but I have already gained more than ten kilos. Be realistic. I am. And I don’t like it when women prettier than me flirt with my wife."

But Leah doesn't seem to hear it from this ear since your face always between her fingers is putting closer to hers. Her eyebrows are frowned, much more than usual.

"Nobody’s prettier than you. I’m serious."

You have trouble supporting the intensity of her gaze and you find yourself blushing like you did when she complimented you at the beginning of your relationship. The blonde finally releases your face, but only to tighten you against her, with two arms this time.

"You are my wife. No one is prettier than you."

October

In half a sleep, Leah turns around in your bed to get on her stomach, expecting to be able to curl up against you. Except that it's only the void that receives her, making her frown. Still without opening her eyes, she taps the mattress in search of your body, without success. It's only then that she opens her eyes and rises slightly on the mattress to note your absence at her side.

"Y/N?"

When the silence answers her, Leah ends up getting up and looking for you. She walks through the different rooms of the house starting with the bathroom and ending with your garden, without success. Gradually, the blonde feels panic invading her, especially when she realizes that your pajamas are wisely folded on a chair in your room and that you left with her purse but without your phone or your car.

It's with trembling hands and fingers that your wife grabs her phone to call the first number that comes to her mind in an emergency.

"What’s up Baba?" makes the sleepy voice of Amanda Williamson, awakened at 3am by her daughter.

"Y/N is missing."

********

When you return home, you are surprised to see that an additional car is in your driveway, apparently parked in a hurry. You don’t understand why your mother-in-law’s car is here, or why all the lights in the house are on.

So it’s puzzling that you go to the door, your food bag in your hand. People had warned you that you would have strange cravings, but you didn’t expect to want cinnamon rolls and Beef Jerky in the middle of the night. Unable to go back to sleep and not having it at home, you simply decided to go to the supermarket open 24/24 in your neighborhood to do some shopping.

If you were perplexed when you arrived at home, you have the impression that question marks grow on your head when you pass the front door. Leah is sitting on the couch with her head in her hands and your stepmother in a bathrobe over her nightgown on the phone with someone. Hearing the front door, Leah abruptly raises her head and before you realize it you find yourself pressed against her with blond hair obstructing your vision.

"Okay, she’s here. Yes … thank you very much" you hear Amanda saying before she hangs up.

"Where the hell were you? Are you okay? What happened?"

Leah releases you a little and holds you at arm’s length, letting her gaze slide over every inch of your body to check that you have no wound anywhere.

"I’m fine! I - I was hungry so I went to buy food"

"At 3 in the morning?!" Leah half-scream

"Yes?"

"Without taking your phone?"

"I forgot it."

"For God’s sake, have you lost your mind?! If anything had happened to you, what would you have done? We were calling the cops and -"

"Leah."

Amanda’s voice sounds and you realize at this moment that she has taken a few steps to get closer to you both. Laying a hand on her daughter’s shoulder, she draws her attention with her calm, smoothing voice. It seems to work since Leah turns directly in her direction.

"She’s fine. You were afraid, but everything’s fine now"

The inspiration that Leah takes to calm down is audible throughout the room and you take advantage of this moment of calm to say in a small voice

"I'm so sorry"

The blue eyes of the footballer refer to you and the embrace that you exchange this time is more made to comfort her for once. Over her shoulder, you give your mother-in-law an apology smile.

"Sorry for pulling you out of bed in the middle of the night"

"No worries. But I’m going back now."

She winks at you and kisses you both before leaving the house. Leah is still in your arms and you gently stroke her back with your fingertips, following her spine. Her face is hidden in your neck and you kiss her hair before you speak again.

"Shall we go back to bed too?"

Leah answers you with a grunt and grabs your hand to train you in your bedroom, taking care to turn off the lights of the house in passing.

"Don’t ever do that to me again" Leah mutters and clings to you like she’s afraid you’ll disappear again.

"I’m sorry" you say again. "I know how tired you are with the games and the training. I just wanted to let you rest."

"I don’t care if I’m tired. If you need anything and I sleep, you wake me up. If anything happens to you and I’m gone, you call me. I won’t accept any excuses."

"At your command, Captain" you smile tenderly before kissing her.

"I’m not kidding, Williamson."

"I know, Williamson."

November

"Y/N Y/S/N Williamson, will you please come down that ladder, right now?"

Hearing the voice both panicked and commanding of your wife, you smile and roll your eyes. Leah’s over-protective behavior is growing day by day and you will surely not be allowed to lift any pencil soon.

"Leah, I’m not risking anything" you say, turning in her direction.

"No! Don't move! You will fall!"

Letting the panic prevail, Leah rushes towards you, throwing her football bag and her boots to makes you come down the ladder by carrying you in her arms like a bride. Smiling, you put your arms around her neck and put your lips on hers.

"You’re so strong" you coo tenderly before deposing other kisses along her jaw and into her neck.

You feel her shiver, so you continue your kisses. Leah was away all the morning and the beginning of the afternoon for training and you were getting bored. So you decided to install the Christmas decoration, going up the boxes from the cellar and setting up your Christmas tree. Without decorating it, knowing that Leah would do it with you. You also had time to decorate the windows with stickers and fake snow and you were finishing installing the lights above your windows.

"Oh no, I know exactly what you’re doing" laughs Leah as you, gently resting you on the floor.

"What?" you ask maliciously.

"You’re trying to distract me from your foolishness"

"I will only speak in the presence of my lawyer"

Leah laughs and you can’t help but smile when you hear your favorite sound. Putting yourself on tiptoe, you deposit a new kiss on her lips to which the blonde responds without hesitation.

"How is my baby?"

Her hand gently settles on your belly and you smile again feeling her do.

"He’s in great shape, he’s been kicking me all day"

"Believe me, there is a future talented footballer in there"

"A striker most certainly" you smirk

"No way. He's going to be a defender"

"Or a keeper"

"Who in the world would want to be a goalkeeper, except Mary’s children?"

You know that Leah is joking and that she will be happy no matter what path your child chooses. But if he could enjoy football and become an Arsenal fan, it would probably be a big plus for her. As if to confirm this words, you feel the baby give a new kick, exactly where Leah’s hand is.

"Well hello to you too Buba" Leah says tenderly before bending over to lay a kiss on your belly.

"How was training baby?" You ask, picking up the stuff Leah threw on the floor a few minutes ago.

"Leave it, I’ll take care of it" intervenes the blonde, grabbing you by the hand. "It was ok, but training in the cold begins to become painful"

You smile at her and decide to take her with you in the kitchen.

"How about a nice hot chocolate?"

"I think it’s the best idea of your day. Way above climbing a ladder and being eight months pregnant."

December

Leah is in the training room, surrounded by her teammates when her phone starts ringing. By habit, in case you have an emergency, she leaves it under general so you can contact her anytime. She gave you a special ring, allowing her to recognize your calls compared to others.

"Lee, phone" shouts Alessia across the room.

"Can you look who’s calling me please?"

The blonde does it willingly, rummaging through spare clothes and cereal boxes.

"It's your mother."

Leah sighs and walks across the room to grab her phone and hang up. However, Leah barely has time to rest it that it starts ringing again, making Leah frown.

"She knows I’m training, why is she insisting like that?"

The question is said aloud, but it could just as well be pronounced in his head. However, this would not have allowed Katie to respond.

"Maybe an emergency?"

"Didn’t you tell me Y/N was with her this morning?" intervenes Lia.

The captain’s face breaks down a little and she quickly picks up at this welcome reminder of her friend.

"Mom?"

"Baba don’t freak out, but we’re at the hospital. Y/N’s water just broke."

"I’m… I’m coming"

Just after hanging up, panic seizes Leah who gathers her belongings by embarking half of those belonging to Viv in passing. Miraculously her teammates manage to understand what she explains to them and Lia intervenes quickly, with all the calm and sweetness that characterizes her.

"I’m driving you, there's no way you’re driving in this state."

After refusing that the entire team accompanies them ("It’s a birth, not a summer camp"), it's finally with Alessia and Katie that Lia accompanies Leah to the right hospital. It's finally a good thing that the Swiss woman decided to accompany Leah, she would surely have managed to go to the wrong maternity.

"Leah breathe" Katie says from the back seat.

"Easy to say! If things go wrong? In addition, the baby is early! What if he doesn't survive this?"

"Wasn't the expected delivery date the December 12?" asks Lia, bowing her eyebrow.

"Yes."

"Leah, we’re the 7" Alessia gently intervened.

"So what?"

"I swear to God that if this child inherits your drama rate, I’ll get him enrolled in drama classes" says Katie, sighing at length.

In the room you’re in, time seems long without Leah. Amanda keeps you company until your wife gets here, but between the pain and the stress, you don’t look too good.

"You’re doing very well darling" your mother-in-law gently makes you, to whom you address a smile-grimace.

Fortunately, a few minutes later Leah finally makes her appearance, dressed in a sky blue outfit that you saw a thousand times in Grey’s Anatomy. The relief is so great when you see her come that tears rise to your eyes. Focused on Leah, you don’t even realize that Amanda is taking the powder.

"My Love" whispers Leah as she lays a kiss on your forehead.

Leah tenderly caresses your face while listening to the nurse’s information and you relax as much as possible. You didn’t hesitate for a second when you were asked if you wanted peridulral. You willingly let other women be brave, but you, no thanks.

The hours pass, both slow and fast. Leah does her best to relieve, relax or change your mind. She’s perfect, once again.

It's only around 2am that your baby’s cry finally sounds in the delivery room, after long hours of labor. You can’t tell which of the three of you cried the most when your little miracle is lying on your chest, Leah sitting next to you in bed.

A little blonde hair down, quickly covered with a hat, and baby blue piercing eyes as light as Leah's are the first features you discover in your perfect baby. Just like you hopped.

"So, what will you call this little angel?" the nurse ask you.

"Charlie. Her name is Charlie" Leah mumble, a big smile on her face. "Charlie Amanda Williamson."

#woso x reader #woso imagine #leah williamson #leah williamson imagine #leah williamson x reader

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holdmytesseract · 2 months

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Ella thinks Narfi coming along means her parents won’t love her anymore but they prove her wrong by loving them both so so so much

Infinite Love

☆ The Baby Fever AU ☆

Loki x Y/N feat. Ella and Narfi

Summary: Ella struggles with adapting to the situation that she's not the only child anymore, who needs her parents attention.

Warnings: angst, a lot of fluff, Ella being afraid and hurt

Word Count: 2,9k

a/n: I hope you like this fic, my friend! It wasn't easy for me to write this. Hurting Ella hurts me. 🥺 But I hope it's good nevertheless! 🤗

Baby Fever Crew: @muddyorbsblr @mochie85 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jaidenhawke @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @multifandom-worlds @jennyggggrrr @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @fictive-sl0th @herdetectivetheorist @hisredheadedgoddess28 @chennqingg @princess-ofthe-pages @km-ffluv @simping-for-marvel @huntedmusicgardenn @lokiforever @stupidthoughtsinwriting @loz-3 @jaguarthecat @icytrickster17 @eleniblue @yourfriendlyslytherinhc @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @kimanne723 @lou12346789 @smolvenger @lokisrealpurpous @isaidoop @lokisgoodgirl @aagn360 @cakesandtom @alexakeyloveloki @glitchquake @anukulee @lady-rose-moon @ainsley30 @lovingchoices14 @lokischambermaid @irishhappiness @mandywholock1980

Baby Fever Masterlist °☆• Loki Masterlist °☆• Masterlist

The first few weeks with a newborn baby were always stressful, tiring and a little bit chaotic - sure; but nevertheless was it a wonderful, exciting experience. After all, you finally get to hold your very own flesh and blood in your hands.

At least this is how it went with Ella - and now that Narfi had arrived, you and also Loki hoped that it would be the same way. Well, the only big difference was, that the little boy was your second child. Ella didn't have an older sibling when she arrived, but suddenly, she was the older sibling - and that was something that ghosted through your mind. It occupied you. And of course, it didn't slip your husband's notice...

Loki tiptoed into the kitchen and placed the two boxes of pizza he just got on the kitchen counter, before he decided to return to the cosiness, which was his sofa.

When he left to get the food, you and Narfi were sound asleep. Therefore, he anticipated that this would still be the case, but when he entered the living room, the god found you sitting on the sofa and breastfeeding his son. All your attention was on the two-and-a-half-weeks-old infant. Your eyes never left Narfi, as you cradled him with both hands and arms safely close to your chest. You didn't even notice Loki.

He smiled; didn't want to interrupt this precious moment at all costs and just decided to watch you for a little while - until he couldn't hold himself back any longer...

Cautiously - not to startle you, he made his way over to you. "I see you both are awake?" He whispered; gaining your attention. Loki's heart skipped a beat at how your eyes lit up when you see him.

"Hey, I- Yes, we- Babe?" You cut off your own sentence, as you watched Loki climb on the sofa beside you and laid down; moving to rest his head on your lap. "What are you doing?" You asked; giggling softly. "What does it look like, my love?" He answered with a smirk, before pressing his cheek against your soft, hoodie clad tummy and wrapped a hand around your hip. The other went to help you steady Narfi's tiny, fragile head; his hand swallowing yours whole.

You giggled again. "Cuddling?"

"Mmph." Was all the god mumbled into the fabric of your hoodie.

"But babe... I can't cuddle now. I need to feed our baby boy. He's hungry." "So?" Loki mumbled against you. "You do the feeding, I do the cuddling." "Teamwork?" You asked; grinning. "As always, my love."

So, you kept on nursing Narfi, while Loki was giving you - and his little prince cuddles.

Once your son was finished, you moved him to rest against your shoulder, in order to burp him. This caused his little legs to dangle dangerously close to Loki's face - who wasn't bothered by that at all. Quite the opposite... He smiled lovingly up at you and his baby, while one of his big hands went to gently touch the boy's tiny foot. Narfi wore a footless romper; therefore met his thumb soft, warm, cerulean skin. Loki chuckled; eyes glued to Narfi's feet. "I still can't believe how utterly tiny his feet and toes are, my love... Even my thumb is bigger. It's so sweet." He lifted his head a few inches to pepper the little boy's feet with kisses.

You giggled; shaking your head at your husband. "For you, yes! You weren't the one who had to squeeze him out of your body! Narfi is huge in comparison to how small Ella was..." Loki smiled; blue eyes gazing up in yours. "I know, my love. And I'm so, so proud of you." He took one of your hand and brushed his lips over your knuckles; leaving a few small kisses.

It was a sweet moment and kind of romantic - until you were finally successful in burping Narfi; causing the both of you to laugh together.

"Babe, I'm afraid you have to get up now. I need to put him down. The little man needs some more sleep." Your husband smiled; gesturing to his upper body. "Lay him down. He can sleep on my chest." You couldn't help but smile as well and carefully lifted Narfi from your shoulder to lay onto his father's chest. The small Frost Giant didn't like the loss of your warmth and his mama at all; face scrunching up in a rather loud, protestant cry - but once he realised that he was laying on his daddy's chest and was now covered with a blanket, he calmed down. "Shhh, little prince..." Loki whispered; pressing his lips on the infant's forehead. "Daddy's got you."

Once Narfi was asleep and Loki's head settled on your lap, a pleasant silence settled over the both of you. The only 'noise' was a soft purr leaving Loki's lips now and then, since you were running your fingers gently through his raven curls and massaged his scalp.

"Babe?" "Mhhh?" You could tell that your husband was absolutely relaxed. A content smile was on his lips; eyes closed as he softly stroked his son's back with his thumb. You giggled; tracing the contours of his chiselled jaw and cheek bones now. "You still with me?" "Mhm, of course." You paused for a second; eyes lingering on his handsome face.

"Can we talk about something? It's... been on my mind for quite a while..." The god opened his eyes again. "Sure, darling. What is it?"

You bit your lip; hesitating for a moment. "Ella."

Loki frowned softly. "Ella?"

You nodded. "I... I'm a bit worried..." "About?" You felt how Loki's 'free' hand searched for yours; fingers slipping through yours. You sighed softly. "I know that Ella wanted a sibling. We all wanted Ella to have a sibling. And I know that she loves Narfi, but... But what if she... Gets jealous someday? Or sad? Because we can't give her more attention. We both know that Narfi's going to take a lot of our attention - which is normal, since he's a tiny baby, but... You know what I'm trying to say..."

Loki swallowed visibly, before he nodded. "I have to admit that I've been already thinking about this, too... Quite a few times actually." "Yeah?" Your husband nodded again; adjusting the baby on his chest. "I just hope this isn't going to happen, love. I hope our worries are unjustified." You twirled a loose raven curl around your finger. "I hope so, too..."

"I am honestly afraid that our princess is going to think one day that we don't love her anymore - or well... Less than Narfi..." Loki said quietly; fear and worry swinging within his voice. You shook your head, "Babe, no. Don't let your mind wander to such dark places. This is never going to happen, okay? We won't let this happen." and cupped his cheeks again; gazing deeply into his eyes. He swallowed; nodding. "Okay."

Unfortunately, life was anything but fair and it came how it had to come... Exactly what you and Loki wanted not to happen and prevent from happening, happened...

It came creeping; sneaking up on you and Loki - over weeks. Months. Loki was the first to notice... How Ella distanced herself more and more. From Narfi. From you. From him. She spent more time alone; mostly withdrawn in her room. The happy, quirky girl she once was, had slowly turned into a very quiet and sad girl. She was a master in hiding it, though. Well... No wonder with the God of Mischief being her father. Ella had learned from the best. And perhaps she was able to trick her mother - but not Loki...

"Is she asleep?" Loki's quiet voice rang through the bedroom. He was seated on the bed; one hand firmly wrapped around the edge of Narfi's little crib, as he was gently rocking the bed; trying to lull his son to sleep.

You nodded; closing the bedroom door behind yourself, "She is." and stepped over to join Loki in the bed. You immediately laid down; taking Loki with you and cuddled up against his chest.

You were so utterly exhausted and tired.

Your husband pulled you closer; gently tucking you in and making sure that the duvet was tightly wrapped around you. "Mhhh," you sighed in content; almost drifting off to sleep. Unlike you, Loki couldn't think of something else than his princess and her behaviour. It was only all too familiar.

"Love?" "Mhhm?" "I..." He swallowed hard; couldn't resist the urge to talk with you about this. He'd have loved to just let you rest and sleep, because he knew you needed it, but... Loki couldn't.

"I think we failed." "Failed wha'?" You asked; nuzzling his left pec.

"Ella."

The name hit you straight into the face - like a punch, and caused you to be wide awake again. You propped yourself up on your elbow; placing the other hand on the middle of your husband's chest.

"What do you mean?"

Loki sighed. "Can you remember the conversation we had quite a few months ago? About Ella getting sad or jealous, because we have to give her little brother more attention?" Your eyes widened at his words in realisation.

"I think she..." Your husband had to take a deep breath. "I think she thinks we don't love her anymore. At least not as much as Narfi." "W-What makes you think that?" He swallowed hard. "She... She pretends everything is alright, but it isn't. I can see through the illusion. She isolates herself, spends more time alone in her room. Her smile is never reaching her eyes. I should know, because..." Loki paused for a moment; trying to hold back the tears. "I did the exact same when I was a child."

You blinked; several thoughts flooding your brain. You didn't know what to say or feel for a moment - until it hit you. Shock. Sadness. Fear. But most of all, disgust. You were utterly disgusted... Disgusted of yourself.

"I'm disgusting..." You muttered to yourself as you were trying to sort your thoughts and feelings.

"Apologies, what did you say, love?"

Tears started to fill your eyes and were soon rolling down your cheeks. "I-I said I'm disgusting." Loki looked at you shocked. Appalled. "What in all the nine realms makes you think of yourself like that?!" "I-I didn't notice, Loki. I didn't notice my own daughter is struggling. How could I not see that?!" You shook your head. "I'm such a bad mother - no, I'm the wor-"

That was the moment Loki had to intervene. He couldn't let you speak so ill of yourself.

"Darling, no." He cut you off, "Please stop right there." and immediately reached for your hands; intertwined them with his. "You are a lot of things, my love... Sometimes stubborn, little bit of clumsy and once in a while overthinking - but you are not a bad mother. No. Not even in the slightest. I want to never hear you say that." "B-But-" "Ah!" The god lifted a finger; rebuked you. "No buts. You are not. You couldn't have seen it, because Ella knows how to keep up the perfect illusion - just like me."

Loki raised one hand to gently wipe your tears away. "I'm going to talk to her, okay?" You just nodded, having a hard time to keep your crying under control to not wake Narfi.

"O-Okay..." Your husband leaned forward and pressed his lips against your forehead, before he started to move and leave the bed. "And I'm going to talk to her now."

Your eyes followed his movements. "Now?"

"Now."

"But she's asleep?"

Loki quietly opened the door of the bedroom, but looked back at you. "No, I don't think so."

Loki's heart got heavier and heavier, the closer he stepped towards his daughter's room - and it broke entirely, when he already heard soft sobs coming undoubtedly from the other side of the door. That was the moment he realised that he had been right. Probably with everything he talked with you about.

Loki had never wished to be so wrong in his life before than in that moment.

Usually, Loki - and you, always knocked before entering your daughter's room. Sure, she was just a child yet, but you wanted to show her early on, that this was her privacy. Her safe haven. But today, Loki opened the door quietly without knocking. He had to. He knew that if he would've knocked, that Ella would've put up the illusion again - and he didn't want that.

"Ella..." He softly called out her name and switched on her dimmed nightlight; heart aching with the sight of her. The little girl flinched and quickly scrambled to wipe her tears away and get herself together. "D-Daddy?"

Putting up the illusion. But it was already too late. Loki knew.

"W-What are you doing here?" She gave him a half-smile, causing Loki to immediately shake his head. "No, please..." He said; moving to sit on her bed and staring at her reddened face and puffy eyes. It felt for Loki like he got pulled back in time. He saw himself in Ella. The small boy, who wanted nothing more than the same love and attention his brother received from his father.

He swallowed hard.

"Don't, my sweet princess... Please, I know something is wrong. Don't shut me out. Tell me what is bothering you." Ella pulled her legs up against her chest and averted her father's gaze, as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. "I-I-I..." She sobbed; then shook her head.

Loki had to fight his own tears.

"Please," he begged softly. "I want to be here for you. I want to help you."

Sure, Loki had a guess what was going on, but he wanted to hear it from Ella.

The little girl wiped her tears away with her shirt sleeve and bravely tried to face her father again.

"I... I am afraid that... That y-you and m-mommy don't love m-me anymore, n-now that Narfi is here." She finally poured out her heart to Loki - and the god knew that it was coming, but nevertheless felt her words like he's been stabbed in the heart. The pain was on the borderline of unbearable.

"I-I know Narfi needs a-a lot of attention, because... Because h-he's a baby, but..." Ella grimaced; trying desperately to suppress fresh tears - unsuccessfully. "I m-miss you s-so much, daddy... A-And mommy, t-too," she cried.

That gave Loki the rest. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He felt like throwing up - all at once. To see his daughter so broken straight up broke his heart.

All his fatherly instincts told him to somehow fix this; make Ella feel better. Comfort her. It was all he could think about - so he did. Without thinking twice or wasting any more second, he climbed on the way too small bed for his height and pulled the little girl into the tightest hug he could give her, without hurting her.

Ella practically melted into his arms; still crying. She clung onto him. Her father was everything she ever needed.

"Oh Ella..." Loki whispered - almost whimpering. "My sweet, precious princess..." He ran his hand through the girl's identical raven curls; breathing in her scent. His tears dropped onto the pillow. "I'm sorry. We are so sorry. Mommy and I never... Never wanted this to happen. We love you, I promise. With all our hearts." He paused; fighting another wave of tears. "I love you, princess. Words are not enough to tell you how much. You are so, so special, sweet girl. I promise you, we are going to spend more time with you again. We miss you, too."

Loki pulled slightly back from the hug; just enough to look into his daughter's red, puffy eyes. "Okay, princess?"

Ella nodded; giving him a soft smile. "I... I'm sorry for being jealous of Narfi. He's my brother and I love him, but... I-I just couldn't help myself." Loki swallowed hard. He knew that feeling. "I know, sweetheart. I know exactly how you feel. See, I felt the same back when I was a child." The girl's eyes widened. "Really?" He nodded. "Yes. Your uncle Thor got way much more attention from your grandfather than I did." "But... Uncle Thor is older!" Loki chuckled gently at Ella's words. "He indeed is, but... Thor was more important than I was."

She shook her head. "That's not fair, daddy. Why?" Loki sighed; the memories of his past flooding his brain. "That, my princess, is a story for another time. When you're older, alright?" "Alright."

Loki smiled. "And now come here. I want to cuddle you aaaaall night." Ella giggled. "But daddy, I have to sleep!" He nodded; switching off her nightlight. "I'm sure we can manage both." The god paused then; hesitating for a moment. "Do you even want me to stay?" Another giggle from Ella. "Yes!" Loki felt how Ella climbed on top of him and laid down on his upper body; head placed on his chest, legs and feet angled beside his legs and arms resting by his side.

Just when she was a baby, Loki thought with a smile. He had placed Ella often on his chest when she was tiny and helped her sleep. Seems like it was still working. The god smiled even brighter.

"Good night, princess." He pressed a kiss on Ella's head. "I love you." She cuddled closer underneath the blanket; closing her eyes. The little girl was so much more calm now. "Night, daddy. Love you, too."

#the baby fever au #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki x female reader #loki #loki x you #loki fanfiction #tom hiddleston x reader #loki fluff #loki x y/n #loki laufeyson x reader

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absolutebl · 2 months

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This Week in BL - It's 2024 & I'm talking about TayNew... really?

(They pretty much told us all to sit down and shut tf up, 'cause they got this. AND THEY DO.)

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Feb 2024 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube grey) ep 9 of 12 - I broke. In my defense, it was Monday, I needed comfort, and TayNew were right tf there. Ya know what? They are great in this show. It's a great adaptation. I might like it more than the JBL live action. You know why? Really, honestly WHY...?

That was a PHENOMENAL KISS. Those boys did Thailand fucking proud. They did fandom a solid. Thank you OGs for reminding us how it's done. I was getting used to SloppyHot. And SloppyHot has its place, but that TayNew rooftop kiss was a top tear class act. It was tender and sweet and respectful and joyful. It was eye work and breath work and years of practice. How very far BL has come while still staying so much the same. TayNew - I salute you!

(Read all about distribution issues here.)

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 12fin - we waiting, I guess? Bah.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 11 of 12 - The recipe book thing was so damn cute and I love a claiming. YOU KNOW I LOVE A CLAIMING!

In fact, I love OffGun.

I love food based BL.

I adored seeing a reboot of "the infamous dragging".

But I don’t love anything else about this show. Sigh.

1000 Years Old ep 1 of 12 - Finally we get our gay vampire BL from Feel Good Bangkok. Stars Shane (My Engineer) and fresh face Opal, directed by Champ (2gether). It’s kind of odd but enjoyable. A group of teen UFO seekers find a vampire instead. Opal looks a bit like a mix between Newnu + Leo (VIXX) - so cute + edge. Also, nice to see Shane again on our screens after so long.

Finally, I like the subtle (and sometimes not subtle) presence of ghosts permeating this show. Do the friends know she's there? Do they know she's dead? Is the existence of paranormal accepted but not that of aliens? Or are the two combined? Is this lazy writing or just fun world building? Who cares! It's enjoyable.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 12fin - the nail painting bit was very cutie queers and I've not seen it done in BL before, so that was nice. For some reason captions never dropped for me on this last episode, but it didn’t really matter. Not much happened and I understood everything anyway.

Quick pitch?

From the people who brought us Unforgotten Night based on a y-novel, about a young man nursing a heartbreak who has a one-night stand, but the other boy didn't want it to end. This turned out to be a pulp that wasn’t half as good as it should have been and even less memorable, but not terrible. 5/10 DON'T BOTHER unless you're v bored

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 - Oh it is such a pulp: the acting is not good and the script is terrible. Of course, I’m mildly enjoying it. Very good dream kissing. There's something appealing about these main characters - I think it's the moot crushes. We rarely get to see that. These days everything feels very one sided, this... isn't.

A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV) - Khonprot, a third-year hazer of the engineering faculty, has a secret crush on Pluem, a tsundere fourth-year head hazer. Over the years, he's seen Pluem cycle through girlfriends. Recently, after a public breakup, however, Khonprot thinks maybe a boy has a chance.

I tried but I can't get into my WeTV account anymore and I'm way too lazy to figure it out. I'll catch it grey if I can, since I've rebooted the bootlegging side of my BL life for Cherry Magic anyway.

So this show may stay in this section, or I may bump it down to "it's airing but..."

If anyone is watching it, let me know if it's good?

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love For Love's Sake (Korea Weds iQIYI) 7-8fin - Ugh it was GREAT, despite some pretty telling flaws. I ended up feeling like some of the filming was amateurish (very overworked low angles - director's first feature, I assume), and the narrative is a little disjoined and on the nose, AND the subs are clumsy (which I don't expect from KBL) BUT I still loved it. (FYI - I wouldn't be so harsh on a BL for this kinda thing except one from Korea.)

Quick pitch:

This isekai-based KBL is about a man who must win a game by convincing a reserved teen outcast to fall in love with him. Of course, that teen represents himself and his own unhappiness. Like many queer narratives, this show is actually about self worth, trust, and found family, and it is VERY on the nose. But I don’t expect subtlety from my BL and I enjoyed it's truly lovely redemption arc and earnest performances. While I found the narrative a touch disjointed with overworked filming angles and poorer than average captions, this is certainly much better than early KBL in terms of consistency of tone, script, and immersion. Highly rewatchable and charming, which counts for a lot. 9/10

Trigger warning for suicide depicted.

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - Gosh, it’s so lovely. But I do just constantly want to give them both hugs.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Oh look, Taiwan has created yet another BL where I spend most of the time watching it grinning like an idiot. Surprise surprise. The pet name thing was fucking adorable. Also Taiwan once more proving they come by their "kings of kissing" title honestly. I mean to say. In a week of good kisses this one was just... WOW.

On the other hand, some of the underpinning themes are starting to v worry me (ownership, consent, age), and we only just got started, and I don't trust this production company so... I have concerns.

But also... YAY KISSES!

(I'm made of weak moral fiber.)

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - Like many other shows on this list. I just enjoy it the most when the two leads are on screen together. So this episode was kind of lacking because they were apart for most of it. I also am starting to agree with the tone of the plot, that maybe they ARE better off as friends not lovers. (And I'm sure I'm not supposed to want that.) Oh Japan, must you?

My Strawberry Film (Japan Gaga) ep 1 of 8 - Oh it’s good. In the arthouse lane so don’t expect sweetness & light or an HEA. If there’s no cartoon aspect to a JBL, there’s usually no joy. But it is certainly good. Teens uncover some old film and a mystery around a pretty girl. The background music is wildly annoying (and rarely in the background).

It's Done

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam, it's on YouTube. I will give it a try when I have a window of time.

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) - Gave me Luminous Solution vibes have decided not to watch.

It's Airing But...

Dead Friend Forever (Thai iQIYI) - rumors are it's interesting. I'm waiting to know how it ends.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

Next Week Looks Like This:

2/24 Unknown (Taiwan Youku) 12 eps - Older brother tough guy breadwinner looks after his sister and defacto adopted little brother. Little bother falls in love with him and is sent away after a stolen kiss. But when he comes back…

Sam Lin has a cameo so even if I wasn't already excited, I'm in. We should be on our guard though, Taiwan will occasionally go edgy, dark, and sad... this could go there.

One assumes GMMTV is filling in the BL time slot with something queer on their YT Channel after Cooking Crush ends, they gonna lose subs if they don't. But I've not been paying attention to the chatter so I don't know which of their line-up it will be. I think G4 are filming/off radar now, and Earth is in that het noona thing? Plus they gotta sort out the IP for MIx-Up and Ossen. So it won't be one of the announced adaptations. They'll hold My Golden Blood for the high season, so I think it'll be one of the lesser known lead-outs. Wandee or Only Boo maybe? But they only just started filming those. Are we getting our long awaited GL? Anything else left from 2023 that I forgot about?

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Two crawling kisses from Thailand this week. Now this is a fetish I didn't know I had. Turns out, we love this one! (*waves hand in air* I speak for all of us now.)

Cooking Crush

City of Stars

Possibly the best tsundere to cinnamon roll pivot we've had in a long time.

Also the best asshole to KING pivot. Could we have a whole drama staring this character now? Please?

And finally our sunshine learning to love himself.

SIGH. what a lovely show.

And a good SMILEY kiss from a KBL.

And then some cute cuddles? Korea is spoiling me these days. I'm catching expectations now. What's next? Japan learns to kiss in their light BLs? Ha! I kill me.

(All Love for Love's Sake).

(Last week)

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nackrosor · 10 months

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~Magic Hands~

𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷 '𝓖𝓱𝓸𝓼𝓽' 𝓡𝓲𝓵𝓮𝔂 𝔁 𝓢𝓮𝓻𝓰𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓽!𝓡𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻

warnings/tags: smut, massage, hurt/comfort, female receiving, v. fingering, soft Ghost, romantic tension, the room is packed with your mates so you have to keep quiet hehe

synopsis: in the aftermath of a rough mission, you find yourself unable to fall asleep due to muscle aches. Your Lieutenant offers to help you release the tension by giving you a massage, which escalates rather quickly.

word count: 4,1k.

[a/n: finally writing for my man Ghost and I'm quite proud of how this first story turned out. Now I'm curious to know what you think of it! Also, this wasn't beta-read so if there's any typo/grammatical error, let me know. Alright, enjoyyyyy 🌶️✨💀]

"You can't sleep?"

Ghost's deep hushed voice coming from somewhere behind you makes you turn in your bedroll. The room is nearly pitch black, with only a sliver of moonlight streaming in through the half-closed window, yet providing enough light to make your close surroundings visible. Therefore, when you turn around, you can see Ghost sitting on the floor a few feet away from you, his back to the stone wall, arms crossed over his chest and legs stretched straight in front of him. The thin dark gray t-shirt, paired with the intense chiaroscuro that imbues the room, highlights the outline of his massive biceps. Your eyes linger on his arms before they meet his, which twinkle slightly as they capture the moonshine.

"You neither?"

He hums in response.

A weary sigh escapes you as you sprawl on your back, hand flying to the nape of your neck, where the muscles tug and burn. You feel like a wreck. You knew today’s operation would have been rough, even more than the last ones and you were prepared for it, you had trained so hard for months. You've risked your own skin multiple times during the offensive, although in the end you got away with only a scratch or two; nothing major. You were still high on adrenaline as you made it back to the base camp -a dilapidated temporary facility in the middle of a thick forest- and you were even rather impressed of yourself for having handled it all so well… until fatigue came crushing on you like a double-decker bus, almost knocking you to your knees and you felt the magnitude of the efforts made in all its gravity. You tried to mask it as you dined with your brothers in arms, a scarce sorry meal that didn’t even quench a third of your appetite, then instantly dragged your 200 pounds heavier than normal legs to the storage room adapted for sleeping and flopped down on your bed roll. You thought the ache would pass, that you only needed to lie down and let your limbs rest but it has already been three or four hours since then and you haven’t been able to close your eyes not even once.

"Everything aches so much. I might have strained a muscle or something. Possibly all of them."

Ghost hums again in understanding. A moment of silence follows; silence only interrupted by the rhythmic snoring of your mates, laying in their bedrolls all around you in the tiny room.

"Come here."

Your head snaps up.

"Uh?"

"You heard me. We need to do something about those sore muscles. Can't allow them to get in the way of the mission tomorrow."

You look questioningly at him, eyes roaming over his masked face, as if expecting to be able to read his intentions. What can he do for you? The same as he can do for himself, which is pretty much nothing; he’ll give you a pat on the back and tell you to suck it up. If only there was a medic in the facility, you could have asked for an injection to ease the tension in your body but alas, you're on your own down here, equipped with no instant medication other than a pack of analgesics reserved for battle and a pain drug; but there's no way you'd take one on a night before a mission and risk waking up as a zombie in the morning.

You’d have to wait for a proper medical treatment when you’re out of this hell, assuming you’re still in one piece by then.

“We don’t have all night, Sergeant.”

Ugh, using your title, of course. It can only mean the Lieutenant won’t accept a refusal from you. And who are you to refuse anyway? Just a lower soldier in pain; nothing special about you.

Even though you are still perplexed about his intentions, you scoot toward him, crawling silently so as to not wake up the others. Fortunately you don’t have to step on someone’s lying body to reach your superior.

He spreads his legs to give you room to get closer and you swallow the thrill that inflames your body at the sight of that big hunk of a man welcoming you in his lap. This is not the time to give in to such fantasies. Nor there will ever be. Hard truth.

Ghost’s fingers masterly find the waistband of your cargo trousers and tug at it to make you slide closer.

"Turn around."

His commanding voice compels you to do as he says without question. There's no room for hesitation when he employs that tone; you must obey his directives, whether you're on the field on a mission or killing time at the HQ. Nobody can stand up to it, least of all you.

You’re barely able to suppress a gasp when you feel his huge hands take hold of your hips and settle you between his thighs, your back colliding with his firm chest. You can't, however, physically stop the shiver that runs down your spine as his palms climb up your sides, sliding upward over your back, causing you to bend slightly forward as he reaches your shoulders. There, he begins to knead your muscles carefully, knowing where to apply more pressure and where to let the tip of his fingers do most of the work.

You’re too stunned to speak. Never in a million years you would have guessed this is what he had in mind to do to help you. Ghost, your Lieutenant, has his hands on you, in a room full of fellow soldiers, in the middle of the night while you are on duty. What crazy-ass dream is this?

"Ghost-," you shudder, his hands working on a particularly sore spot, "a m-massage, seriously?"

“What?”

“They only make things worse-”

While having Ghost do it is a whole new experience for you, you've received your fair share of massages, both throughout your years of training and after you became a special agent and they never seemed to work on you. They always left you in more pain than you were in before. You could have blamed it on the medic if only you hadn’t changed so many during the past years; they couldn't all have been incompetent, could they?

"You never got one from me, innit? They don't call me magic hands for nothing."

You frown, throwing him a sideway glance over your shoulder.

"Nobody calls you that."

You hear him huff and your head is forced back to face straight by a firm nudge.

As strange and unexpected as it may seem, you must admit that his hands are truly doing Lord’s work against your shoulders, easing your tensed muscles and relieving some pain, so much so that you find yourself closing your eyes and taking a deep breath.

"See? Just relax."

His hands scoot lower, sliding down your back and sides, resting just above your bum. The warmth of his palms rubbing that sore area in circular motions sends more shivers up your spine. In his ascent back up, he pays attention to the tensed muscles of your arms, thumbs kneading deep into them and then finally, he goes back to your neck. Your breath catches at the feeling of his strong hands wrapping around it. His firm touch appears to arouse something primal within you. You can feel heat pooling in your core right away.

"Fucking hell. Your neck is rock hard."

He increases the pressure, rubbing the skin and working on the knots. His thumbs slide up and down your larynx, matching the movement of his other fingers on the nape. Your head bends backward on its own, landing on his chest.

Ghost hums again, appreciatively.

"You liking it?"

"Y-yes, sir-"

His chest shakes softly against your back, a light rumble coming from his throat.

"Good girl."

You bite back a gasp. Those hushed words only add to the growing ache between your legs. The massage is clearly starting to turn you on and you feel… conflicted. You know you shouldn’t let his skillful touch, nor his raspy voice whispering so close to your ear or the warmth of his chest pressed against your back affect you so much. However, you are basically caged in his lap, how are you supposed to not let that cloud your judgment? To not allow your fantasies to run wild in your head? Yes, you’re strong, but… not that strong. You can’t possibly stop your body from reacting so naturally to all of these overwhelming sensations. Especially when you’re so touch-starved, and having Ghost being the one to indulge your craving doesn’t help in the slightest.

" Mh, you're tensing up again."

Ghost swiftly resumes working on your back, placing the palm of each hand on either side of your spine and working his way up, keeping his hands parallel to one another. When he reaches the top of your back, he fans his hands outwards across the shoulders, as if outlining the top of a heart. Using a kneading motion, he returns to the lower of your back to work the large muscles on either side of your spine then presses his fingertips firmly into your flesh before quickly releasing as he works his way up. The constant pressing and releasing sends your spine tingling and you fail to hold back a moan.

“Yes. Don’t fight it.”

If only he knew what you were actually fighting against. How can the tension leave your body if his touch and his closeness and his voice are all working so hard together to make you tense up all the more?

You feel his hands close into fists and his knuckles start to rub gently but firmly across the tops of your shoulders and then glide down your biceps, the inner part of your arms, the side of your chest...

Inadvertently, your body jerks at the new sensation, and his hand accidentally brushes up against your breast, fingers knocking into the slight bulge in your top caused by your aroused nipple. You stifle the moan that erupts from your throat by biting your bottom lip hard, your body stiffening instantaneously.

Silence falls into the room, coating it in tension; your mates are not even snoring anymore. You don’t dare to move a muscle, you can barely keep your ragged breathing under control.

Has he noticed? Does he realize what has just happened? It’s so dark in here and it all happened so quickly, he may have no idea what he has just touched, he may have not caught the lewd sound that came out of your mouth, either. Your body has tensed so much, however, that your reaction must have caught his attention. Any doubt goes out the window when you feel his hands retract and his body shift uncomfortably behind you.

Well, fuck it . You just had to make it awkward, didn’t you? For both of you! How embarrassing. He will look at you and treat you differently from now on, you know it already. You're soldiers, for god’s sake! You're professionals! And he’s your superior! These things shouldn’t happen! They should stay out of work. And to think that you've managed to get this far, despite Ghost's strong magnetic pull on you since the first time you saw him... You’ve hidden your emotions so well for months. But unfortunately, no matter how hard you try and succeed at hiding it, you can’t really control your body and how it reacts to his presence, touch, or gaze. This was bound to happen sooner or later, as much as you prayed it wouldn’t. Besides, how could you have even imagined you would find yourself in such a crazy situation at one point? Working with him every day, getting very physical on the field and still keeping your emotions at bay was already enough to drive you insane. There was no way you could have handled this and came out victorious.

But perhaps you could still salvage this somehow, or at the very least escape the horrible truth-spilling conversation that awaits you. Yes, it is possible. You simply need to get the hell away from Ghost, crawl back to your bedroll, attempt to sleep it off, and put the burden aside to deal with it another day. Easier said than done.

Your hands fumble around you, hoping to meet the cold tiles of the floor -rather than those god-like legs stretched at either side of you- and you bend forward in an attempt to hoist yourself up.

“A-alright, this has been nice-”

A steel-strong arm snakes around your middle and forcefully pulls you back. You gasp as your spine collides with his chest once more.

Now that you're pressed up against him, even closer than you were before, you can feel his bulge against your lower back and your mouth goes dry.

"Ghost-", your voice comes out in a loud, unsteady squick and he instantly hushes you, tightening the grip around your waist.

You feel his hot breath caress your ear even through the balaclava. “We’re not done here, yet.”

His hands start to travel up and down your body once again, bolder this time, skimming over areas he hasn't touched before. The hand wrapped around your middle slips under your tank top, fondling the smooth flesh at your side as it raises, leaving a trail of goosebumps on your skin, until it reaches the upper area of your stomach. There, his fingertips tease the lower curve of your breast from above the fabric of your sports bra. Your breath catches again but you don't dare to move. He holds his palm there for a long minute.

Is he testing you? Is he messing with you? Is he silently asking for permission to move forward? The affirmative guttural sound that rewards you as you finally throw your morals out the window and boldly place your hand over his and tug it upwards, sweeps away any doubt. His big hand instantly covers your whole breast, groping it gently at first then squeezing it decisively. His other hand comes to match the motion as they both slide inside the cups and fondle your soft sensitive flesh before turning the focus onto your erect nipples, causing you to arch your back forward and shiver.

“Is this-”, your voice catches in your throat as his fingers pinch your nipples hard, lips squeezing together to muffle a groan, “-why they call you magic hands ?”

You feel a light chuckle rumble in his chest and against your back.

“You catch up real quick, Sergeant…”, he whispers in your ear in that gravelly voice that makes you squirm, “...but you don’t know the half of it.” And as if on cue, one of his hands sneaks out of your tank top and slides down your stomach, skimming over the inseam of your pants and resting on your crotch, causing a warmth to spread from deep within your stomach. Two fingers push against your core, suggestively and your heart races. Your breaths are ragged in anticipation.

“Bet you’re desperate to find out, innit?”

You don’t even realize you’re nodding in response until you feel him huff a laugh through his nose, blowing cool air right next to your ear.

"Curiosity killed the cat, didn't you hear?"

His palm rubs against your crotch up and down a few times before giving it a firm squeeze.

You suck in air through your teeth and your hand lands on his thigh at your side, fingers dipping in his firm muscle.

" Please -"

You're not sure what you're even begging him for, your mind dazed with desire, and all you can focus on is the heady sensation of having his warm palm rest so close to your aching cunt but still denying you the touch you desperately crave for.

Ghost doesn't need you to say anything, he clearly knows what you're pleading for and he makes quick work of unzipping your pants before sliding his hand inside. His eager fingers meet your panties which are, unsurprisingly, already soaked; a small detail that he seems to appreciate greatly. He runs his digits over the wet patch on the fabric, eliciting a loud moan from you.

An abrupt stirring sound freezes you and your head snaps up, heart jumping in your throat, while your eyes dart across the room expecting to meet the shocked expression of one of your brothers. The thought of having been spotted however doesn't seem to stop Ghost from pushing his fingers beneath the damp fabric of your undies. You don't have time to still the violent beating of your heart as he begins to circle his way through your folds, instantly drawing back your whole attention. A harsh whine crawls up your throat when the pad of his finger meets your clitoris and his free hand immediately moves to cover your mouth. His clad lips suddenly draw close to your ear, skin tingling at the contact.

"You don't want to wake up the boys, do you, kitten?"

You shake your head profusely and he hums softly.

"Thought so."

You suppress the cries of pleasure that he provokes by rubbing his fingers up and down over your slit in a slow intoxicating way, your hips shaking with each swipe. He presses his forearm against your stomach to hold your body still, squeezing you closer to him as a result.

You wince as you hear it; the wet sound of your desire seems to be the only noise in the otherwise silent room and it only grows louder when Ghost teases your entrance, rubbing his pads around it before easily pushing two fingers inside. You screw your eyes shut and throw your head back against his chest. As he thrusts inside you in a steady rhythm, he presses his palm on your most sensitive part, and drags his hand in a firm circle against it. The feeling is dizzying and it sends lightning jolting through you.

Ghost's hand leaves your mouth to grab your inner thigh and push it over his adjacent knee, spreading your legs wide apart to gain better access to your core and thus shove his fingers deeper inside you. In fact, his next thrust perfectly hits that sacred spot buried deep between your walls and you grasp a fist of his t-shirt and pull it against your lips to muffle your whimpers, while your other hand tugs firmly at his tensed arm lying on your stomach.

You are close, so close. You can feel the heat in your gut begin to bubble and spread, scorching and hair-raising, to the rest of your quivering body. Ghost too seems to notice by the way you tuck into him and clutch at his arm as if it’s the only thing keeping you grounded, your safe anchor. His fingers grab your chin and angle your head so that your eyes meet.

His eyes… his big eyes. The only visible part of his face, the only part you are allowed to lay your gaze on and let it linger. And oh, how beautiful they are. Especially now, glinting with moonshine and looking down at you with a special twinkle which you can’t quite decipher but that makes your heart swell.

You prompt yourself up in a daze, just enough to cup his cheek and pull him down to meet you in a quite unorthodox kiss. You press your lips desperately to his mask, just above his own and you feel them twitch at the contact, responding to the kiss only a moment later.

You stay like that while his hand still works against you, faster and sloppier but hitting you perfectly with each push. You keep your lips glued to his as the coiling pleasure in your belly finally snaps, a heady wave of pleasure washes over you and makes your body jerk uncontrollably. Your cries are muffled by the fabric of his mask, even more so when his hand cups the back of your neck and presses you harder against him. He continues to slowly dip his fingers inside your fluttering walls then litter your small bundle of nerves with a few more soft teasing caresses all the while subsiding your spasms with his strong embrace.

Your eyes are squeezed shut, your chest heaving hard, heart still racing and legs still shaking when his hand slips out of your pants and you pull back. You let your head rest on his chest as you take a deep long breath. Almost instantly a subdued ruffle of fabrics strikes your ear and you can feel a cool breath blowing on your neck before a pair of soft damp lips meet your boiling skin. You bite your lips at the shiver-inducing sensation; it feels like a vital secret shared in utmost confidence and you don’t dare break the touching moment until his lips retreat and the mask is safely put back on. Only then you chance a look up through a heavy-lidded gaze and you meet his beautiful eyes again, which in turn watch your reactions with a hazy, adoring gaze. All is forgotten; the packed room, the initial conflict you felt, the aching muscles… The only thing you can focus on is the tingling sensation abandoning your body, leaving the way to the heartening warmth of his embrace and gaze.

“Ghost-”

“Simon.”

You gulp, nodding feebly as you reverently search his eyes.

“Simon…”

Saying his name feels strange but also… meaningful. Like uttering a magic word or being handed the sole key that unlocks the armored door that keeps the treasure safe; treasure so priceless and vulnerable that only a few trusted people are allowed to take a glimpse at it.

“I’m-” you fail to find the words, mind dazed and heart hammering in your chest, “that was…”

“Kitten got more than she bargained for.”

You catch an amused hint in his voice and even if you can’t see it, you’re certain there is a smile tugging at his lips, for the corner of his eyes curl up slightly.

“I take it the massage didn't make things worse after all?”

"Well…", you shift in his embrace, turning to face him with a sheepish grin, "that was some effective massage, alright."

You prompt yourself up and reading your intentions he closes his legs to let you settle on his lap, your knees resting on either side of his hips. His eyes never leave yours as you lean up, arms latching around his neck.

"Nothing aches anymore thanks to you…", you grind your hips slowly down against his, relishing in the sound of his heavy breathing picking up, "...but maybe it's you now who is in need of a release ?" You bite your lip at the rousing feeling of his throbbing bulge rubbing against your still sensitive center, as well as at the rare thrilling satisfaction of seeing him crane his head slightly up to look at you.

His hands descend on your hips, fingers almost painfully gripping the flesh, causing you to groan.

"I wouldn't mind it one bit kitten, believe me…", his lust-clouded eyes rake over your body. You see him swallow hard as he glances down where your hips meet and a long breath escapes his lips. His gaze then trails back up, savoring every inch of you, until it finally locks with yours once again. "But you should hit the sack now."

Disappointment shows plainly on your face.

"But-"

"Besides, I'm on second watch tonight."

"T-That’s good! I can sneak out to keep you company. I'm not sleepy! Even less now than before. We can-"

" Negative .” His tone is peremptory and it shuts you up at once. “And don’t fret. You’ll be asleep before your head hits the mat.”

" But -"

His hands slide up your sides and squeeze your waist, pulling you down to sit on his thighs and hold you at eye level.

"We're taking a rain check, Sergeant."

The title again. His words are final, then.

A huge sigh escapes you and you nod at last. Reluctantly, you climb out of his lap, his hands following your every movement to support you. Before you stand on your feet and turn around, you chance one last look at him. Your heart swells as you meet once more his big beautiful eyes which look at you so gently, so wistfully… you think you can catch the promise behind them.

"Don't you dare die tomorrow, Simon."

The corners of his eyes curl up again.

"Surely not on your watch, Kitten."

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kabuki-draws · 5 months

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I watched Ridley Scott's NAPOLEON yesterday and it was a complete Waterloo.

Yes, I am a big history nerd with a giant heart for movie adaptation of historical topics. But when I watched NAPOLEON I sat there... and tried not to laugh. It was not only so historical inaccurate, that I wanted to cry, at the same time it was filled with cringe dialogues, red flags and terrible color grading. This whole movie made me so sad yet so angry, that I HAVE to write this review:

(Disclaimer: This review is based on my own opinion. If you enjoyed the movie, it's completely fine. Btw. in that case or if you agree with me, feel free to tell me your opinion. I would love to know!)

First of all: Don't get me wrong, the medium film has its own rules and you can't put as much historical accuracy into a big scale movie as you would into a documentary - sometimes the story needs to be altered to be a good movie. And that is fine. Even if Gladiator is a complete fictional story set in the Roman Empire, I can still enjoy this movie for what it is: A good-written story with great characters, a beautiful score and iconic scenes. With Kingdom of Heaven it's kind of the same - and while the movie cut was very inconsistent, I still kind of liked it. But then the Directors Cut made it a a masterpiece for me.

Funny enough, both of these movies are made by the same person: Ridley Scott. So naturally I thought: Well, Napoleon won't be a historical accurate film, but I surely will enjoy it anyways. Well, ...no. It is not only historical incorrect, it's also a bad movie overall.

To start it short: NAPOLEON clearly lost itself in all the various topics it wanted to tell within a runtime of two and a half hours. It made the whole storytelling very weird and inconsistent, causing the problem, that the audience even loses itself in the questions of when and where. Where is that scene located? When did that happen? And then comes the question: Why is this even happening?

Ridley Scott wants to depict Napoleon as a lover, a military genius, a big political figure, a revolutionary and more. But in the end he tells all of this in the most shallow way possible, which waters down Napoleons personality traits and achievements to a series of small scenes. You never get a glimpse of the "true" Napoleon, who was described as a highly intelligent and charismatic man. In fact, you never really feel ANYTHING about him except that he was a cringe red flag in front of his wife. He just stands there, stares and has very limited dialogue scenes to get a picture of that man. What are his overall motivations? Only Josephine? If so, why is this motivation only vaguely explored?

The whole love story between him and Josephine feels so unnatural and got to the brink of being disgusting. This is particularly sad because I deeply respect Vanessa Kirby and Joaquin Phoenix, they're both stunning actors. I don't know if they just couldn't fit the role or if it was rather a problem of the script (the last one is my guess). Yet whenever I saw Josephine and Napoleon on screen, I felt like acted very stiff and forced. Napoleon seemed more obsessed with her than actual love and that can be a character trait, but there wasn't a chance to explore that deeper. Before the movie entered the cinema, the lovestory between these two was marketed as intense, obsessive, deeper than you could imagine. What the audience got was a few scenes without real conversation, much staring and a bunch of cringeworthy s-scenes. And seriously, these "sexy" scene were the worst. I was so disgusted by them because they were SO DAMN WEIRD. There are no scenes that undermine ANY deep love between Josephine and Napoleon. It felt therefore so off, when they still longed for each other after their divorce.

And let's not start to ramble about the fact that they depicted Josephine ONLY in a somehow sexual way. Yeah, there is that scene where she says to Napoleon, that he is nothing without her. BUT SHOW, DON´T TELL! You never see her doing something instead of sitting there, talking with others or when the plot needs her to have sexy time with someone (not only Napoleon). As a woman myself this makes me so freaking furious, you have no idea. I don't need a marvel-coded super-strong woman with unlimited talents - I just need a female character that is written GOOD and plausible! Make me CARE for her plot and for the plot of Napoleon! Both of them don't even feel like normal human beings because they're like blank pieces of paper with their names written on it!

And don´t make me start to talk about the historical inaccuracies. At first I didn't want to draw that card. Actually, I don't need a historical movie to present 100% facts. If the movie is still enjoyable, it's okey. But even if many people say that the war scenes were awesome, I can only partly agree. Yeah, we have that cool ice-lake Austerlitz battle, but it took me a couple of minutes and a better look on the uniforms to know that Napoleon is now at war with Austria! You get nearly ZERO context to Napoleons battles. Yeah, nice, the scenes look cool - but there is nothing more to it? Is that all you need to show for the audience to care? For me at least, I just didn't care at all and I was very happy when I got out of the cinema. Overall this movie is full of messy non-sense choices that don't contribute to the story. Many moments just confused me and it left me with the question why Scott couldn't simply hire some historians to put together a consistent story. Everyone who read about Napoleons life knows that there are so much cinema worthy moments in his career that would've been so much better than what we now got.

I could ramble about that movie for hours if I´m honest, but I hope this little TED talk was enough to make my statement clear.

In the end, it just makes me sad. I wanted to like this movie, I wanted it to be good. For months I hyped myself up to this, read books about Napoleon, watched the trailer all over and over and talked with friends about how great this movie will be. Now I am just disappointed and frustrated. Oppenheimer was such a great biopic of a historical person that became a great success at the box office - even without great battle scenes. I hoped that Napoleon would push a cinema revolution, that shows people want big scaled films about historical personalities and history topics. But now I just want to forget this Napoleon movie to be honest.

#napoleon #napoleon bonaparte #napoleon movie #ridley scott #joaquin phoenix #vanessa kirby

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satubby · 5 months

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Hei! Thsi is my first time requesting, i hope this is how it goess..?? Can you please do Platonic Yandere Denji + Platonic Yan Aki w/ touchy reader? (hugs,clinging onto arm) etc. ^_^

[I am glad to hear! Of course, although I will make it a bit short because I still need to adapt well to Denji and Aki's personalities, I need to assimilate them to understand them]

Since you were a child you have been kind and stubborn, having to deal alone with problems beyond your age, it was when you met this child: He was dirty and ragged, he cried when his knee was scraped, from there he was your first of many helps you gave him. Thus began your friendship, you gave him food and love.

❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢When they were children and he met you for the first time, Denji thought you were an angel fallen from heaven. He had never known kindness and affection from another person before. Since then he vowed to protect you from harm, so that you would never lose that warm smile. The one that made him feel so special, even though he sometimes got jealous when you gave the same smile to animals and acquaintances. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢You used to feed him a lot, of that he wasn't wrong, you really were kind. Then when the pochita incident happened, he got depressed at first, he didn't know what his purpose was now until he saw you in the middle of the chaos…. You embraced him. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Now that you are both demon hunters, Denji always makes sure to fight by your side on every mission. He couldn't bear to see you hurt. If he ever noticed you were in danger, he would instantly transform into Chainsaw Man to defend you, no matter what price he has to pay (We already saw how crazy he is to the point of enduring the pain of severed limbs or wounds). ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢He loves the moments when you can rest together. He loves the way you stroke his hair when he is resting on your legs, he feels like a baby in your arms. He is comforted just by your presence. Sometimes he even falls asleep imagining the life they could have if the world wasn't plagued by demons, how Onee-san/Imouto would call you and you would congratulate him on graduating from school…. even though he has never gone. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢He always watches you from afar to make sure you're okay. If he notices you're sad or stressed, he'll go out of his way to make you laugh again. He hates to see you suffer. His biggest motivation is to see you happy and protected, even as a small favor for teaching him the basics. Things like reading or writing his name, giving you love….

❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢On nights when he has nightmares of the past (or pochita's death), he seeks refuge in your arms. He knows that with you he is safe and that his inner demons cannot reach him. You are his only home in this world where he is not seen as trash or something usable. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Denji would be very sad and worried if he noticed that you put your safety before his. Like all those times as a kid when you helped him hunt demons because he wanted to return the favor by making you money. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢He would flatly refuse to let you participate in any mission that involves risk. He'd rather deal with demons by himself than see you in danger, if it's still mandatory for you to go, then he'll do everything for you. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢If you try to protect him by risking your life, he may panic and get out of control. Only the sound of your voice would calm him down. He would spend sleepless nights thinking of ways to make you understand how vital you are to him. He can't bear the thought of losing the most important person. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢He may call out to you in agitation, teary-eyed, begging you not to act so recklessly anymore. Seeing you hurt is his worst nightmare. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢If the situation were extreme and you were at high risk, he would probably stand between you and danger even if it meant harming himself. He would a thousand times rather suffer himself than see you suffer.

Denji would give anything to ensure your well-being and protection. It is very difficult for him to see you deliberately put in danger for his sake. You are what he loves most.

When Aki passes away in front of his eyes, Denji's heart shatters. It is too much for him to bear so much pain.

But then he remembers that you still have light by his side. He runs to find you, knowing that only you can calm the hurricane inside him.

He finds you crying too for the loss of the friend, so he hugs you tightly as he lets out all his pain in a sea of tears. Gradually, as he feels your comforting caresses on his back, the sobs subside.

"I am no longer alone…you are here with me" Your presence is like a balm to his broken soul. You kiss his forehead repeatedly, Denji still inhaling that scent that means 'home' to him.

"Thank you…for never leaving me. You are my strength, Onee-chan." Denji knows that as long as he has you by his side, he can get through any adversity. You are his grounding cable.

When Power sacrifices herself, Denji returns to seek refuge in your arms. Despite the disgust he feels with himself, you embrace him with a motherly warmth.

"You are not weak…you are only human. And we humans feel, we suffer, and we rise again." Your words heal him inside as if they were balm. With you he feels understood.

Denji would give anything to protect that smile that saves him when he needs it most. You are his safe harbor, his reason to go on.

Since Aki has met you, you have shown nothing but friendship and kindness, even if he is initially reluctant to open up to you… Given his experiences in this bloody world where lives are lost.

❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Aki always admires you as someone strong and trustworthy. Although he sees Himeno more as a superior, he sees you as a sister due to the proximity of your ages, he admires your leadership skills and your wisdom in difficult situations. After a hard day hunting demons, Aki finds comfort in your kitchen. You make sure he eats well, take care of him and Himeno. Food becomes a way to bond as a makeshift family. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢When Aki has nightmares about losing his family, you let him spend the night with you so he doesn't have to be alone. Waking up to your smiling face soothes him. Over time, the nightmares become less frequent. Aki picks up some of your best habits, like taking breaks and not overworking himself, as you warn him. He begins to take better care of himself thanks to your influence. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢You help Aki train and improve his sword skills. Fights with you push him to hone his skills, while providing him with a fun outlet for stress. Aki comes to see you as one of his most formidable opponents. On days off, you and Aki enjoy relaxing activities like going to the arcade or having picnics in the park. Simple pleasures help him feel like a normal young man again from time to time. Knowing that he can always count on your support gives Aki the courage to follow his path, even in his darkest hours, to the end. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Aki always feels more comforted and secure wrapped in your warm hugs after a stressful mission. He likes it when you wrap your arms around him protectively, especially if he was injured.

"I'm fine, don't worry," he would say even though deep down he knows it's a lie and can't see your silly face, yet he ignores that pain in favor of being comforted by your presence and care. He affectionately calls you "Imouto/Onee-san" or simply your name in a sigh of gratitude. These moments of tenderness make him feel that there is still goodness left in the world. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Aki tries to repay you for the great favor you do by feeding him and taking good care of him all this time. He gained culinary skills by watching you in the kitchen and now loves to cook for you, just to see your smile when you taste his dishes. "I hope you like it," he would say eager for your opinion. When he manages to surprise you with some special treat, he feels rewarded for hours of practice. He wants the chance to take care of you too, even if it's in the kitchen. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Aki sometimes gets a little jealous when you spend too much time with other people, as if they might steal you away from him. He knows it's ridiculous as he trusts you completely. But he can't help those possessive feelings for the one he considers his family. Try not to be obvious with his jealousy and trust that you will always come back to him, as you have done unconditionally so far. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Aki's greatest fear is losing you too. If you are in danger, desperation overpowers him and he will do anything to save you even if he has to face you. "Don't risk yourself like this, please. I couldn't bear to see another loved one go," he would plead with tears in his eyes. You are too important for you to give your life for his. He will fight by your side but never at your expense.

The noise of the battle around us faded. All Aki could see was your pale face in his arms, your eyes narrowing as you struggled to breathe.

"No… please don't." He whispered through his tears. "Don't leave me too."

You took his hand in yours weakly, trying to smile. "I'm sorry… I made… a promise… to protect… all of you…"

"Don't say that!" shouted Aki, pressing your body against him. "You'll be fine, you'll see! Just… hold on, please"

You shook softly. "Take care… of the others… Ani/Otouto… Keep… fighting"

"Don't you dare die!" He sobbed, leaning down so that their foreheads touched, "You're the only good thing I have left…. I can't lose you to."

Your eyes slowly closed as you caressed his cheek. "I'll always… be… with you… Ani/Otouto"

With your last breath, Aki roared in pain to the sky. You lay motionless in his arms, a faint smile on your lips. From that moment on, a part of Aki died with you.

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obey-me-disaster · 1 year

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Could you maybe write some headcanons for how the demon brothers would feel about an MC who has a service dog for anxiety?

If you don't feel like writing it or it's too difficult that's completely okay too don't worry.

(I'm a service dog user myself so I just thought it would be nice.)

I hope you'll like these headcanons and that I got everything right! If there is anything I need to correct let me know.

Also sorry for taking so long, I needed to be finished with a fic for a collab first!

Demon brothers x gn!MC

Warning: Belphegor's part has spoilers for lesson 16!

MC with a service dog for anxiety

Lucifer

Since he is one of the people in charge of the exchange program he made sure to also prepare everything for your dog. Anything from food to all the way to paperwork so you two can go anywhere without being disturbed.

He is a dog person so he got a soft spot for your emotional support dog. The dog is probably more spoiled than you, at least until he starts to actually like you.

Since you are in need of your dog he won't bother it. He knows the dog has its job to do.

Is honestly relieved that you got someone other than his brothers to rely on, especially that being dragged to a different dimeons is not good for your mental health.

Mammon

So not only does he need to take care of a human, but he needs to take care of their dog too now??

Before actually realizing that your dog is more than a simple pet he wanted to include it in one of his money making schemes. After you and Lucifer tell him off he actually gets it and backs off

He does a 180° with his attitude and is really glad that there is someone to be near you when he can't be there to protect you. Lowkey he and the dog have some kind of nonverbal agreement on how to help you with your anxiety.

Tries to spoil the dog and buy luxury items for it. You'll have to let him know what could distract your service dog or not. He honestly gets everything really fast.

Leviathan

Jealous that he can't take Henry with him the way you can do with your service dog...and looking at him he might need some service/therapy/emotional support animal outside of his fish.

He knows how bad anxiety can be, so he is both greatfull that you got some support and a bit jealous because of it too.

He is really chill with the dog, he even made a small spot where it can relax when you stay in his room.

He once saw Henry trying to get your service dog's attention and took it as a sign that both of your guy's friendship/relationship is made to last for a long time.

Tries to find animes where the protagonist has a service dog for anxiety so you could relate to more chatacters

Satan

He has only read about service/therapy/emotional supports animals so he was really curious of seeing one in real life.

Be prepared to be asked a ton of questions about your dog's training, routine, how it helps you manage your anxiety. He sees it as a way to both get to know you better and to learn something new.

Might use the way your service dog helps to convince Lucifer to let him get an emotional support cat for his anger. Lucifer, of course, denies his request.

Just because he is a cat person it doesn't mean he doesn't love other animals as well. He knew that service dogs go through some training to be able to adapt to different situation, but being dragged to hell might go out of what any service animal is prepared for. He will go out of his way to give him a bit of training and some protection spells.

Asmodeus

He adores dogs. He had to be told that service animals are not the same thing as pets, so he can't go around playing and dressing up the poor dog.

He will pout about it for a bit before getting over it but that just means he can focus in spoiling you even more.

Lowkey educates the Devildom by accident about service animals due to how many Devilgram posts he makes about you and your dog.

A/N: ok but there is one event where Solomon talked with a fish and apparently the god damn fish had better working conditions than humans...so yeah, I guess animals are really treated with respect down there.

He will make sure that your service dog always look at its best. His resoning? Seeing him be so cute and soft will help you with your anxiety. He does make sure to not really separate it from you.

Beelzebub

He was watched very closely at the begging by his brothers, so he wouldn't try to eat you or your dog. It didn't take long for things to settle and for him to start liking your service dog. Especially that he likes dogs.

He might or might not have tried some of your service dog's food...he felt really sorry and went to buy any and all snacks he could find. MC would probably have to remind him what their dog can and can't eat.

He sees the dog as part of the family and takes it upon himself to make sure that both you and your service dog are safe and sound.

If, by some chance, you have to be away from their service dog Beel will be the first one to volunteer to take care of him.

Belphegor

How the fuck did both you and your service dog sneak into the attic, more times than once?? The poor animal is acting uneasy the first time it sees Belphie.

Imagine if you decide to sneak into the attic alone for your visits and leave your service dog behind. Those would be the times when the dog is on high alert.

OK BUT imagine lesson 16. One moment the dog is with you and the other the dog is trying to understand how you suddenly got hurt and die...

If after the incident your anxiety gets worse, your service dog would put himself between you and Belphegor to try and distract you/put you at ease.

Outside of all the angst, Belphie is pretty chill with the dog. If he wants to cuddle with you he will even welcome your service dog in the cuddle pile. He is honestly relieved that you got some support system, especially after the whole lesson 16 affair..

Also a dog person, so he will be very fond of your service dog.

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homunculus-argument · 9 months

Text

Intelligence is a nebulous concept that can't be perfectly and exactly measured in numbers or other metrics, but there are things people generally agree as signs of at least some intellect. An ability to learn and employ new knowledge, adapting to new information, being able to notice patterns and correlations between seemingly unrelated things. Being able to adjust one's methods as needed, ability to make deductions and educated guesses based on incomplete data, being able to improvise if necessary.

And look. Don't get me wrong here. But I learned to read on my own when I was five, I literally have no memories of ever not knowing how to read. English is not my first language, I cannot officially call myself bilingual because neither of my parents was a native english speaker. I first picked it up by hearing it on TV. I could already read and speak english when I went into school, and for the rest of it I managed to get decent enough grades purely by improvising that nobody noticed that I literally never did my homework ever before I was 11. Nobody noticed that I have an attention deficit disorder before I was 27.

I learned to play the clarinet, the piano at some point, and though I lost my voice, I used to sing. If you gave me an instrument and played me a tune, I could repeat it playing by the ear. I could even write it down, note by note, if I heard it a few times and remembered it. If you gave me notes of a song I've never heard, I could whistle it from the notes.

I learned enough swedish in school to read the back of a shampoo bottle, but still enough to compare and contrast the nuance differences in the finnish, swedish and english translations of the same notifications at bus stops. I can summarise what is the unifying element between a long list of words with the same prefix or suffix, and name their mutual definition. I remember enough of the french I learned in school and spanish I learned on my own to roughly parse together portugese.

My parents met in university, but while I never made it to college, I've still made myself a career in something I never went to school for. I have no higher education in arts past high school art classes. I am a full-time professional in something I taught myself, working with a script I also wrote myself without any guidance past brief googling.

That being said, I can't read an analog clock. I've learned how to do a lot of things in my life, but that's the one thing I can't fucking do. You can show me a clock face and I won't know what it means. If I can't look at my phone and there's nothing with a digital clock available, I've learned tricks on how to get people to tell me the time without admitting that I can't read it. Like asking someone if they think the clock on the wall is on time, prompting them to look at their own clock and tell me what their clock says. Pointedly looking at the clock and remarking to people that We Have Plenty Of Time, and assessing from their reactions whether that is true or if I was sarcastic. I never learned to read a clock face, but I've learned plenty of ways to get people to read it to me.

And every single time I tell people I can't read a clock face, they start trying to explain it to me. Like look. I'm 29. You do not know any method to explain it that I would never have encountered in the past 20 years. None of them sunk. I've tried until I cried and I still can't do it. I could learn to translate poetry from french, how to put together a car engine, or how to skin a llama, but that is the one thing I cannot do. I do not know what the positions of the arrows pointing at numbers mean, and you can't make me.

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diaperedautistic · 1 year

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finding diapers as a continent/semicontinent autistic

(This essay is not in Plain Language. Please tell me if you want a Plain Language version and I will write one.)

I was slow to toilet train: I routinely came home wet from kindergarten and was still wetting myself occasionally in third grade and later. This was mostly an executive function problem; I usually knew I had to pee, but didn't have the executive function to stop whatever I was doing to use the bathroom.

I didn't get much in the way of help for this: I was kicked out of diapers before entering kindergarten. In kindergarten and first grade, I was 'on a schedule', which meant staff would pull me out of class to take me to use the bathroom periodically, hopefully before I'd wet myself. As early as kindergarten, my parents yelled at me for wetting myself, and past first grade, yelling was all the help I got. No one suggested diapers as a way to avoid the shame and humiliation of accidents; it was apparently better for a third-grader to wet herself in front of her classmates than for her to wear diapers.

Eventually, like some autistics, I 'grew out' of it: I learned to absorb the executive function cost of interrupting myself to go pee, or the pain of holding it because I didn't want to interrupt myself, and I stopped wetting myself.

At some level, though, I always understood that diapers were something I needed: when I hit puberty, they became a fetish object; when I transitioned in my late twenties, they shifted to a non-sexual emotional comfort, and I started wearing them more often. As I worked through some of my childhood trauma in therapy, they shifted again, to a radical way of 'rewriting the story' for my younger self who'd needed them, and I started wearing them full-time.

(I want to stop here and acknowledge that I was privileged to be able to make this change in my life: I can afford to live by myself to avoid judgmental family or housemates, and I can afford to buy disposable diapers out of pocket. Many people can't, and I'd love to see diapers as a voluntary adaptation for autistics destigmatized and covered by insurance.)

Once I was wearing diapers full-time, something magical happened: my brain settled back into those same patterns from elementary school, using my diaper when I'm hyperfocused and using the toilet when I'm not. I find focused tasks easier and less stressful, since I don't have to interrupt myself to go use the bathroom in the moment or cope with the ongoing sensory and executive function cost of feeling and knowing that I have to go to the bathroom eventually. I don't worry about burning something on the stove, forgetting important context while programming, or losing the plot of a movie or TV show I wanted to watch. I can get what I wanted to get done more easily, and have more energy and cope left for other things.

Despite the obvious benefits, I still felt ashamed when I found myself wet after a period of hyperfocus; I wasn't 'supposed' to wet myself, and I wasn't 'supposed' to wear diapers.

A couple weeks ago, as part of a larger effort to find better accommodations for myself, I found @endeverstar's wonderful article "Finding AAC as a verbal/semiverbal autistic". It talks about how xe found speaking with mouth words difficult and stressful but was nonetheless forced into a bunch of speech therapy as a kid so xe could be considered "speaking"; nobody offered xem AAC as a kid because xe didn't 'need' it and it was stigmatized. Xe discovered AAC as an adult, quickly realized it was easier and less stressful than mouth words, and is at this point mostly-nonspeaking.

This was me, toilet training, and diapers. Everything suddenly made sense.

I found toileting without diapers as a backup difficult and stressful, but was nonetheless forced to so I could be considered "toilet trained"; nobody offered me diapers as a kid past the 'normal' age because I didn't 'need' them and they were stigmatized. I rediscovered diapers as an adult, realized they were easier and less stressful, and decided to wear them all the time.

Overnight, that last whiff of shame disappeared. Diapers aren't just a fetish object, an emotional comfort, or a way of 'rewriting' my trauma. Diapers are a valid adaptive choice for autistics, even those who are technically capable of always using the toilet!

So, to paraphrase endever*: if you're a continent or mostly-continent autistic person and you're wondering whether diapers might be useful for you -- consider this your permission slip! You're allowed to try them if you think they might help, and you're allowed to keep using them if you find them helpful. Toileting works for abled people, but isn't inherently superior; don't listen to anyone who says you're 'not allowed' to use diapers unless you 'need' them or that you should force yourself to always use the toilet if that doesn't work for you.

Everyone deserves access to the full range of communication methods that work for them, and likewise everyone deserves access to the full range of toileting strategies that work for them.

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bulkhummus · 11 months

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some opinions on the latest arc and episode 230

While there are some things I enjoyed about this new episode and arc, it felt rushed. I hate to be critical of a show I love, but we all know the level of work they're able to produce, and the hype around this arc felt like it deserved more than the effort it seemed to receive. I of course thoroughly enjoyed a bit of background on Carlos (and some of the fun stuff the episode did) but getting over the shock value of this information left me feeling conflicted. I think what it comes down to is two things. The arc was rushed, and the things that have just have naturally progressed did not.

They didn't give any of the hard hitting moments enough planning/time/space to have the impact they could have had. We did not see any of the build up of Carlos becoming fed up with Janet and the University. All of a sudden he was. We did not have time to feel conflicted about Carlos leaving town for an unknown reason. All of a sudden he did (and returned mid episode). Cecil's town, the very thing he exists for, is literally nearly gone and he doesn't give us an ounce of poetry or prose to describe how he's feeling? On his radio show? We're just told that it is. This episode in particular just felt like people talking at me instead of telling me a story. The only moment that I felt held any weight, that moved me as a piece of writing, was the moment the child of the glow cloud outwardly processed their grief that their parent would not be returning and implications about predecessors taking on the role/title of those that died which is very interesting (for Carlos, for Cecil, as a concept in general). I, quite frankly, don't care about what they THINK science and life is. Show me through actions they take that demonstrates it. Show me through action and progression.

It has never been more apparent to me than this episode that they write episode by episode instead of considering the full scope of an arc and what it means for their characters. If you are going to adapt the structure of your show to write a mini arc, you can't approach it the same way. And they KNOW this. Writing episode to episode is a delight when its new stories and one offs and bits and pieces. Writing an arc implies some sort of episode to episode progression of a building plot. They've done it before, beautifully even (Of Love and Horror, Egemony, A Matter of Blood, the Lee Marvin episodes to name just a few) and yet this arc was disjointed and felt flat. I've read their books. I've read other things they've written. They're capable of adapting stories into a more "linear" plot with an unreliable narrator. The writers just didn't give it the time and space needed to develop a story that felt natural.

Which leads me to my next point. Natural progression. I've said before I have never once looked to Night Vale for any sort of continuity (it's a show that defies it which I LOVE) but there is a difference between continuity and being sloppy. It doesn't work when half of your arc seems to be you trying to figure out what the hell you're trying to say. A lot of the major points in this latest episode were directly contradictory. We were introduced with the idea that Carlos was sort of afraid of Janet and by her being there. All of a sudden, with no moment that tips him over the edge shown, he stands up to her because he was arrested? We were introduced to the idea that Carlos was deemed a failure by the university, and yet the scientists were quick to leave Lubelle's side in the end. The town was showing clear disdain for him, and not one character stepped up to offer some delicious conflict and tell Carlos it'd be better if he left? To his face? I don't even want to delve into the handling of Blakes character, because quite frankly, he did nothing for the plot because he was tossed back and forth between writers to do what they wanted him to do in that episode (is he against janet, with her? does he hate Carlos? like Carlos? which is it? its not unreliable narration) The arc was framed by Carlos' time spent at the University, about him becoming a Night Vale citizen in his literal anniversary speech about living ten years in Night Vale, and yet, there was no satisfying exploration (I'm not even asking for direct REASONS) as to why he might have left, why he never went back, or any of his involvement there. Saying it was all about love just... Isn't enough for me. Not when Carlos hasn't interacted with his town to demonstrate that life he's built, or how much its hurting him that they're rejecting him again. Not an ounce of how this has effect he and Cecil's relationship (again, Cecil is a chronic over sharer).

It slowly became less about delving into Carlos as a character and his relationship to this town, and processing perhaps grief from the DOW, and more about the shock value of losing beloved characters with no satisfying consequence or action. And then there was little things, specifically in this episode 230. If Janet announces something and it's framed in a way that it should upset Cecil (her telling him about the DOW) then he should have some sort of response to it. Even one line. Nothing. On HIS radio show. Not even a pause where it's made known that he HEARD her.

The whole arc just felt like it was trying to do much and gave itself a time restraint. They are the writers AND producers. No one is forcing them to stay within an episode limit. Especially not when it was hindering their ability to tell a good story.

And I think that's the kicker for me. It didn't feel like an episode of Night Vale. Sure they've played with format before, but this episode (230) didn't even remember that the show is built around Cecil telling stories. Even the episodes that have played with format/structure in the past have involved Cecil telling a story. Through his perspective. Voice appearances always offered some sort of relief to his bias as an unreliable narrator. There are so many interesting ways to incorporate voices instead of just some weird back and forth between two characters. Frame it as an on air interview where Cecil can't get a word in. Frame it as angry voicemails. Have Carlos tell us he's leaving via voice memo, and Cecil dealing with that ON AIR. Stop explaining what is happening and SHOW Us. You expect me to believe, a show that is so heavily influenced by its narrator time and time again, that Cecil was not angry? Was not heart broken? Was not begging Carlos for answers about anything at all? Annoying need to know everything anxiety riddled Cecil Palmer?

They're good writers. And I don't expect every episode to be like, life changing, but again, with an arc that was so heavily anticipated by everyone for so many years, it feels like a disservice to create a story that feels so thoroughly at odds with itself in tone and direction. I hate to sound so critical because I LOVE Night Vale with my whole heart, you guys know I do, but I can be critical of it when it's merited too. And I will continue loving it despite being critical, but I just wished the writers would slow down and maybe, I don't know, read some of their old episodes. And who knows! Maybe it's not over. Lubelle is not confirmed dead, Carlos having an interest in the DOW still is concerning, his parent was mentioned as some point of interest etc etc etc. Like there's a lot they can still do with it, but they just have to, you know, do it.

#sorry if this got a little rambly its real late by me #I just was really hoping they weren't going to rush the ending of this #and it felt like it WAS and ending #even if it wasnt #I just love Carlos so much #wtnv #welcome to night vale #wtnv spoilers

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quilna · 1 month

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im not too sure if this is the right account to send this ask to (very sorry if it isnt) but i was curious if youd be willing to chat/ramble about your own personal jekyll and hyde version? i remember having a small talk with you on artfight about your jekyll and hyde version (im dragondog from artfight if youre curious) and my curiosity has been peaked ever since. i need to know more. your own personal jekyll and hyde designs and story seem so interesting but i rarely see you talk about them which i think is just absolutely criminal.

:00000000

The sacred question has been asked - someone has asked about my ocs-

This is a perfectly okay account to ask this to! It's the closest I've got to a Jekyll and Hyde account after all.

Anyway, thank you so much for asking!!! This ask was gnawing at me in a good way for most of the day while I was away from my computer, considering what information to include and how to explain stuff. It was a lot of fun!

I'm also glad you found them interesting!!!

(Also going to say before I start is that my Jekyll and Hyde versions get very self indulgent which is why I usually keep them to myself so some factors about my story might sound rather weird or seem to come out of left field. Just a heads up.)

So I guess the best place to start would probably be with Jekyll and Hyde themselves?

Like the book, the two of them are basically the same person. When Jekyll turns into Hyde and vice versa, nobody 'takes control', it's more like getting high or drunk where they're still the same person but still act quite different or think differently from each other.

However, they do have differing opinions on each other. Hyde, being a less repressed version of Jekyll, understands a lot of Jekyll's emotions better than him. He knows when Jekyll regrets something or cares more than he wants to let on. Though, as much as he can have these realisations, when he turns back into Jekyll, he tends to dismiss them as 'irrational' thoughts brought on by the potion and not worth considering (aka, the repression kicks in and he refuses to entertain any conclusions he came to as Hyde.)

This leads to a lot of frustration and concerns from Hyde. The knowledge that he has to turn back into Jekyll, whereupon anything he's realised about themself, anything that could help them both, will be instantly dismissed by himself the moment he turns back. No matter how much he writes it down or tells it to himself again and again because it's not forgotten, Jekyll just doesn't want to look at it. And he can't just bother Jekyll as a hallucination ghost like most adaptations. When he turns back, Hyde is gone. Like a stain of breath on glass.

This also leads to fear from Hyde towards his alter ego - If Jekyll ever decided the potion wasn't worth his time and threw it away, Hyde would be unable to do anything about it, would be the one throwing it away in fact. He wouldn't be able to scream or protest or anything. And he enjoys being Hyde. It wouldn't really be death but he enjoys being Hyde so much and hates the monotony of Jekyll so much that it would be like a death.

Luckily, Jekyll isn't planning on throwing the potion out because they do feel the same way and Jekyll enjoys taking the potion and being Hyde just as much (even if he would never actually admit that's the reason). The fear is still there though, ever present.

...I've gotten so deep into explaining their relationship that I have not explained anything else yet, whoops.

Both Jekyll and Hyde have some inhuman traits about them since the first transformation. Jekyll has mildly reflective eyes like a cat but it can only be seen in certain lighting so nobody notices. He also moves with a little too much perfection, a little too graceful, a little lacking in the usual human clumsiness.

Hyde, meanwhile, is just very off putting in many ways. For one is his eyes as shown by this diagram that I made for artfight. (Also his teeth, and his insides being green)

His eyes change shape, a bit like a cartoon character. Other people can, in fact, see this and it is, in fact, weird for them. (He can also probably say <3 and everyone else asks how he just did that with his mouth.)

He also changes based on Jekyll's perception of himself and his 'evils'. This means he can get taller or shorter, or become more obviously monstrous or go back to just being a guy with an uneasy feel about him just based on Jekyll's opinions. If Jekyll starts to fear Hyde and view him as a threat, Hyde changes physically to reflect this.

Personality-wise, Jekyll likes to keep control over every aspect of his life, creating perfect schedules for everything that he's going to do in a day, timing each event down to the minute, designing contingencies in case anything unexpected happens. He can be friendly enough to other people for the sake of his image but he still comes across as rather cold and distant.

Hyde, meanwhile, is obviously free of all this and does whatever he pleases. He tends to be loyal and loving, to the point of being a little too obsessed, and is exceedingly open about how he's feeling. He's also incredibly truthful - he almost never lies about anything but will often fae-rule his way out of anyone realising the real truth. For example, he's very open about being Doctor Jekyll but nobody believes him because he'll just drop it into a conversation and won't elaborate or will elaborate in a way that just sounds even more like a lie. And, of course, Jekyll himself will obviously deny it, so...

Besides that, Jekyll keeps three lab rats, Noir, Spot, and Rose who, due to the potion being used on them, can also change shape like Jekyll and Hyde. As such, Hyde tends to take them with him when he goes out.

(Also, smaller headcanon but Hyde tends to repeat words or phrases twice, "Indeed indeed", "What? What?", etc. Just seemed like a fun addition.)

Next, Lanyon.

Lanyon and Jekyll are on weird terms because they had a fight years back. After seeing Jekyll's science get more and more dangerous over the years, Lanyon was afraid that he would some day hurt himself in a way he couldn't take back or even die from it. After trying to convince Jekyll to stop for ages, Lanyon finally put their foot down and said that, if Jekyll didn't stop, they would leave.

Both Jekyll and Lanyon deeply regret the argument but neither of them can take it back. Jekyll is too stubborn to admit that he was ever in the wrong and Lanyon can't take it back because then they don't have anything else to hold over Jekyll's head to get him to stop.

At least, that was how the fight was initially.

After the potion was taken, Lanyon, who was very close to Jekyll's mad science experiments and was very used to seeing the signs that Jekyll had done something to himself, was the only person who noticed the change. Seeing Jekyll's new changes terrified Lanyon deeply because he knew Jekyll had done something but he didn't know what. Being a rather skittish person, Lanyon was too scared to speak to Jekyll after that, doing all they could to avoid him.

Maybe things could have continued that way with the two avoiding each other. However, after the fight, Lanyon came out as genderfluid.

They had been meddling with their own gender before in quiet but the fight basically gave Lanyon the midlife crisis moment they needed to go "You know what? I don't care about anyone's opinions. I've seen what caring about ones image did to Jekyll and I don't want to be anything like that."

And so came Hastie and Hattie, two names for the same person, just using different pronouns and names based on what Lanyon felt like at the time.

Jekyll, however, was avoiding hearing anything about Lanyon and completely missed this massive piece of information. Jekyll is also notably, very wrapped up in his own very small world and opinions (also, no internet). He has no idea that transness is a thing.

Hence, Jekyll believes that Hastie and Hattie are not the same person but, instead, brother and sister. Lanyon, meanwhile, who was so open and so gossiped about when they first came out, doesn't even realise that anyone could??? not know????? that they're the same?????? Everyone else knows! They don't even look that different!

This all cumulates in one fateful night where Lanyon, going by Hattie, and Hyde meet. The two of them get along like a house on fire, neither caring much for society's rules and both of them being in some way being shunned for their peculiarities. Hyde is much more outgoing and often pushes Lanyon outside of their comfort zone while Lanyon is more level-headed and can often do the planning and thinking that Hyde neglects to keep them both safe.

All the while, Hyde has no idea that he's talking to Hastie and Lanyon has no idea that they're talking to Jekyll.

Personality-wise Lanyon tends to be very down-to-earth and prefers to do things by the book for the most part. Though this is only for the most part - in terms of dealing with other people, Lanyon gets much more expressive, dressing wildly and often doing strange things like taking live geese into a dinner party. While this does allow them to express themselves in some ways that are beneficial to them, like becoming comfortable with their gender identity, some of these behaviours, like the live geese in the dinner party, are very much a way to push away the people around them, afraid of something going wrong after their experiences with Jekyll.

Until they meet Hyde, Utterson is their only friend (which Utterson is quite concerned about, often trying to encourage Lanyon to make more friends.)

Besides that, Lanyon is fond of gardening, collecting crystals, astrology, and yoga. They dabble with a lot of relaxation stuff like chamomile tea, incense, lavender, etc.

Utterson, meanwhile, tends to be the most calm and collected out of the three of them, seemingly unbothered by most of what life throws at him and good at handling even the most stressful situations with ease. Not to mention, he has the most unexpected range of skills and knowledge. Whenever anyone has a problem, he's the number one person to go to for help.

However, for the most part, he fades into the background and tends to remain forgotten until someone needs him for something which leaves him lonely and often desperate for attention while being unable to get it. His work as a lawyer allows him to get fleeting amounts of attention, but it's not quite enough and that often leaves him vulnerable to falling in with bad people.

While Lanyon sees straight through Jekyll, Utterson has fallen quite a bit into seeing Jekyll as innocent and naïve, someone who doesn't fully understand how cruel the world can be and needs to be protected from it. This means, when Hyde shows up and Jekyll changes his will for him, Utterson is quite quickly defensive of Jekyll and aggressive towards Hyde, believing that Hyde has nothing but bad intentions. Hyde, however, is quite head-over-heels for Utterson and determined to seduce him or at least set him up with Jekyll.

While Utterson appears unaffected by anything that crosses his path, this is actually because he has difficulty expressing his emotions, his expression and tone generally remaining static. Only people close to him can generally tell what he's thinking and feeling as a result.

Personality-wise, Utterson is generally quite kindly and generous, often seen giving food and money to the homeless. Though, his morality can be a bit of a roulette wheel at times, willing to do questionable things at times if he deems it for a good enough cause.

In terms of hobbies, he will often bake things for his friends and carried the three of them through university as the only one who could actually cook. He also has a slightly more morbid interest in taxidermy and keeps a room in his house for his work.

(For another smaller headcanon, he and Lanyon tend to get into pun fights, much to Jekyll's agony.)

Then there's Lenore Carew (aka, Lisa Carew, she just got renamed along the way). She makes up the third member of Hyde's little friendship squad with Lanyon. An excitable lady with an interest in the occult and monsters. She and Jekyll were once set to be married but, due to a mutual realisation that neither liked the other in that way, they broke it up. Jekyll has been avoiding her ever since, finding the situation awkward, but Hyde is very much down to be friends with her again.

While she does her best to live up to her family name, being as much of a respectable and graceful lady as she can be, in her spare time she'll often sneak out to go running after whatever haunted house or cryptid sighting she's heard of lately.

The actual reason for her interest is because her mother, before she died, was a prophet, gifted with Sight and Lenore, raised with all these stories of her grandeur and powers, is determined to find a way to awaken those same powers in herself.

However, along the way, these powers actually do start to manifest and, as it turns out, a lot scarier and more difficult to control than she ever realised.

Most particularly, sometimes when she looks at Jekyll, she sees something - or someone - else in his place. She has no idea what these visions mean, whether it's a vision from the future, from the past, or something else entirely.

Personality-wise, while she can excitable and often gets ahead of herself, she can be very kind and compassionate towards others, always the first to slow down and check if someone is okay or to offer a hug to those in need. She can also often show a childish side, enjoying stuffed toys, getting along well with kids, or just playing games.

Uh, so anyway, there's a bunch more but this post is getting long and I've taken all day with this. If I take much longer, it's going to look like I'm not going to answer. I think this is the stuff that most people would be interested in anyway, Lanyon, Utterson, Jekyll, and Hyde. I'm still missing out an explanation of the worldbuilding itself and the antagonists, not to mention little details and side characters like Poole and such.

I fool around with these characters a lot and that means there's more information than I even remember most of the time until something pops into my head and I go "Ohhhh that plot point. That was fun."

Thank you again for the ask!!!!

#quilna's asks #Quilna's ocs #My art

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