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leoascendente · 5 months

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PAC/ Major blessings of the new year ✨️

Hi my loves! Welcome back to another pick a card, this time focused into the new year and what will be the major blessings this new year has in store for you. As always, take a deep breath and take a moment to choose your pile, I suggest you to pick the one that makes you smile the most.

I wish you the best year possible, may peace, happiness and love be always by your side every day of this new year ❤️

Decks: Woodland wardens oracle, Raider Waite tarot and astrodices

For private readings click here / 2024 readings are open

My blog in Spanish here

All pics are from pinterest, credits to their owners

Pile 1/ pile 2/ pile 3

Pile 4/ pile 5/ pile 6

Pile 1:

This new year will be your year of preparation, there's something huge coming into your life at some point but first you need to learn some new skills to get and keep the success you are looking for. Universe is giving you extra time to prepare what you really want to achieve, it's like a period for trying new things and tests what works best for you, especially in matters of career and money because you'll be very lucky in these areas. If you are thinking into opening your own bussiness and be an enterpreneour, this year will be a lucky year for you but the cards wants you to focus on burocracy and legal matters too, you'll have it easy but there are some things you'll need to learn before, like paying taxes on time or investing money wisely

Your areas of luck will be about starting projects and trying new things it's all about taking the lead without fearing risk, whenever you follow your inner compass you'll find yourself attracting more abundance than what you expected. You'll also be very lucky when it comes to gain wealth and what will play the most at your favor is your knowledge about burocracy or legal matters, not only for this year but the years ahead where you'll be managing big amounts of money.

This year will be filled by happiness and meaningful changes, sometimes change can be overwhelming but for you this feels like something you've been waiting for a long time, a desired transformation of your reality. You are the group that got more major arcana, so this 2024 will be an end of a cycle where your life will take a 180-degree turn, there's also this energy of getting out of your head so much and starting focusing on your present moment. With the empress and the magician cards, I see you'll feel a lot more grounded and, for what I'm feeling, this will help you attract money easilly, you'll be a literal money magnet this new year. These two cards are also indicators of a good year of prosperity with work and money, the empress also indicates a huge physical glow up and a boost in your confidence, you'll feel super empowered during 2024 :).

Pile 2:

This new year brings you balance and stability, you'll feel a lot more supported and certain about the path you are taking in life, things will feel more peaceful for you this new year. If you deal with anxiety or something of that sort that involves your mental health, I see a big relief over 2024, you'll be making a lot of progress in this area. The major word I channel is balance, on your outside circumstances but mostly when it comes to yourself and your inner wellbeing, I feel my heart rushing and a knot in my stomach that are slowling relieving, this year might also involve some kind of spiritual or emotional healing too. If you have difficulties dealing with stressful situations this year will also bring you clarity to discern what's best for you and where to invest your precious energy.

You'll be lucky when it comes to find new ways to develop your passion or how you share it with the world, you'll be very lucky if you use some kind of social media or technologies to promote it too, especially if you are an artist. Your intuition will be improving too, if you follow it you'll find sucess at the end of the road, your guides will also be taking relevance in your life. Btw, blue will be your lucky color during the year

This new year will end up some conflicts you were dealing with, the feeling that you needed to constantly fight will dissipate in a very natural way, it will happen progressively in a time where you'll feel like you can finally sit and relax, you might feel extra tired sometimes but it will be because your nervous system will get out of survival mode. You end up a karmic cycle of your life that will allow you to focus on your finances and being productive at work because you got the ace and the 8 of pentacles right after the card of the world, so working and seeing progress will be a major theme of your year ahead, if you are into handcraft of some sort you can get extra income with it. You'll be also getting out of your comfort zone more often to find beautiful things outside of what's known to you, this will be a year of adventures that you'll live with peace in your heart.

Pile 3:

There's an improvement on your energy levels and your home life, you'll feel a lot more healthy and vital during the new year, I don't usually talk about health in any of my readings but your pile deserves it because your body is regenerating positively somehow, whatever you are doing to take care of it just know it's working and will give you proofs of it this new year. There's also a major message about your home life and how it will be taking a more important role in your life, maybe it's something as simple as to be able to decorate it the way you like or it's something more relevant like making a renovation of pipes or fixing leaks, whatever it is, it's something you've been wishing for a long time, It could also be that you'll finally be moving to the house of your dreams.

Your lucky areas talk about health again with virgo in the dices, I see trying to have a healthier habits will help you in this aspect of your wellbeing, maybe create a healthier routine or something that sort (it will be different for each of you reading this), always do what's most aligned with yourself. You also got pluto and the third house so this year will be good for you to transform yourself, maybe stepping out of what's known for you and try new practices, it could also be that you are re-learning some thinigs after an spiritual awakening. For a little amount of you this could mean taking a different approach when it comes to your physical health and needs.

Uhhh things got interesting with your tarot cards! There's a lot of love entering your life my dear :), you got so many beautiful cards that I had to take a minute to channel and summarize all the info. After a period of healing and purification all your dreams will start to come true, the healing process might seem too intense because you'll be getting a lot of channelings in a short period of time but suddently everything will start happening for you, it will happen in the most unexpected way at the mostt unexpected time, you won't see all the happiness coming, even if you receive signs you won't be paying that much attention. You got the star, 10 of cups, ace of cups and the empress, if this is not an omen of your true love entering your life I don't know what it is haha, maybe the message about the home means that you finally meet the person you are going to create a home with because you got the king and knight of pentacles at the bottom of the deck so this person is arriving with commitment, peace and stability. Congratulations my dear, you'll be discovering love in many different aspects of your life during this new year.

Pile 4:

Your major blessing is some kind of dharma, it's something that will make you gain hope in Universe's protection over you, this will come through other people that will communicate things to you that will feel like an eureka moment where everything starts to make sense. Honestly, this feels like making amends with the past, do you know when you see the bully of your high school after 10 years and all the rage dissapears because that person is having a nightmare of a life?, it's not about being happy about other people's suffering, it is more the feeling of there's someone up there watching everything we do and no one leaves without paying their karma.

You area of luck is about the people that will enter your life, I see you reuniting with your soul tribe this year and finding lovely people that will treat you with respect and admiration. If you are someone that has dealt with the worst aspect of human nature, this year will be a proof from Universe of all the good traits humans have, it's like Universe wants to compensate you for the battles you have gone through, you'll find your place and your people in this world.

With the tarot cards I'm seeing that you'll be meeting the most lighthearted and positive aspect of life, there's happiness, support and love entering your life to stay. You'll be moving on from a lot of mental patterns that were holding you back, it's like you have learnt the theory and you are finally dealing with the practice that you thought it would be supper difficult and challenging and will ressult into being the most easy and peacefull process ever, like you don't even have to make any effort because everything will be moving at your same pace. Between all the new positive people entering your life, there are a lot of chances to find a romantic soulmate there, because of the cards you got I see an unblock in your heart chakra that will unblock your love life too, especially for those that have been single for a while. At the bottom of the deck you got the 6 of swords and the wheel of fortune so this new year will be a shift in your luck to the positive aspects of life, you'll also be feeling more hopeful and optimistic.

Pile 5

Your pile is the only one that has one extra oracle card and it's because that card wanted to fly and land on the opposite side of the room, not to give you spoilers but it was the card of romance. This new year will bring you a lot of different blessings, I see 3 major ones at least, romace is very prominent through all your spread so this year you will meet your true love and will start your life together as a couple. Another blessing I see here is some sort of independence (it will be different for each of you so take only what resonates), it can be moving alone to a new place, working by yourself or releasing emotional attachments, whatever independence means to you is what you'll be getting this new year. I also see admiration from people when they look up to you, you'll be receiving adoration from others, like getting a fan club or something like that, it feels like people being devoted to you, so you might viral or achieve some level of fame throught the new year

Your lucky areas will be taking care of yourself and your beauty on the inside and the outside, if you've been thinking about changing your style this year will be very favorable for you in this aspect, also for beauty treatments or anything related to your image and appearance. Another lucky area will be your drive and inner power, you can rely on this aspects whenever you need a boost of confidence, remind yourself your talents and keep moving, you are your most powerful lucky charm <3

Uhhh Divine counterparts energy here in your tarot cards, the magician and the high priestess and the king and queen of cups, so you'll be finding a person so in tune with you that it gives me goosebumps all over my spine, you'll understand what a twin flame connection is after this person enters your life, btw, it's someone completely new, no one from the past. Your overall message about this new year is success and moving on from what no longer serves you, this new year you'll be aligning with your happiest and most successful version and honestly, I feel like you won't have to do that much because Universe is pampering you during the whole year

Pile 6

Your oracle card's literal is happiness, so honey, happy days are here again for you, I see even see you crying of joy a few times during the year. You are my spiritual pile and my dear, this year you'll be having magical moments with your spirituality, you'll see miracles happening in front of you, I'm literally hearing 'a glitch in the matrix' so you'll be seeing and undestanding Universe in such a deeper level. You'll be nourishing your soul during this new year, you'll be more in tune with your inner child and you'll be focused into what's best for you and your happiness, life will also be very gentle with you.

Your lucky areas have something to do with your soul mission, especially if you are the kind of people that loves helping others and would like to dedicate your life into a major service for others. It's something related to healing, it can be your own or this might be more related of a soul mission that involves helping others, whatever it be, you'll be receiving rewards because of this. Another lucky area will be the people that will enter your life, you'll have an amazing support system in the people you will know this year.

You'll be knowing a soul mate this year! You got 2 and 10 of cups and a lot of major arcana, so I see a major connection with a romantic soulmate but also there are a lot of soul mates that will enter your life to align you with your soul mission, every person will come with a lot of knowledge that will make you feel fullfiled on a soul level. There's also a shift in your luck but it will be mostly driven by your own mentality, you'll feel stronger and more confident in whatever your passions are, you'll be also having some sort of realization about what you want to do with your life and will plan how to make it true, Universe will be favoring you in this aspect.

#witchblr #leoascendente #divination witch #tarot #tarotblr #pac reading #pick a pile #tarot reading

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daydreamcloudshiding · 7 months

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#1 Astrology Observations

If you have Sun, Moon, Venus, Lilith, or Pluto with Chiron in synastry, you both can either really heal each other without even trying (like one person might say the right things at the right time, they have the same life principles or values, they truly understand each other's pain that other people are unable to) or, both parties will trigger each other so much that one person might hate the other person intensely. These triggers are supposed to open opportunities for healing, but if one or both are not ready or too immature, there'll be so much pain and chaos in the relationship.

In my experiences, if you have Sun-North Node synastry, the Sun person can really be the North Node biggest lesson in life. Now this doesn't mean that it's gonna be bad or hurtful, but the Sun person truly embody the characteristics and skills that North Node person really needs to reach stability in their life.

People with heavy air signs in their chart are very individualistic. Like they care, but they don't. The way the share their caring side to you is usually through facts and knowledge. If you have synastry with someone, mostly in air houses or someone with heavy air signs, the way you both bond with each other is usually very cerebral. There needs to be mental connection. Communication is very important to them. They won't bother with trying to read between the lines.

If you have Moon or Venus square Pluto synastry with someone, the Moon will become so emotionally and mentally attached to Pluto person. The Moon will feel the most secure when they are with the Pluto person, but also can sense that there's this danger with Pluto but they can't put their finger on it. The Pluto person will be attracted to this dynamic because it gives them a sense of power, but at the same time this will trigger their biggest fear (it could be betrayals, abandonment, etc) from the Moon or Venus person because, just as much as the Moon or Venus person is attached, the Pluto is attached too. The Moon is soft in their approach, while Pluto is not. This is a little bit like if the Moon is suspicious that Pluto is cheating, and just being quiet about it while they try to find out the truth. While Pluto might demand the Moon to give their phone's password, their social media, etc. The Moon can become elusive, the Pluto can become controlling.

My biggest turn off is Mercury square Mercury in synastry. Truly, in this synastry, both seems to never be able to truly understand each other. In my experience, any form of emotional attachment feels forced. Like one could care about the other person, but at the same time, they always will feel so offended by what the other person said. It feels forced as if both are such two different pieces of puzzle. It's like one person see the other person as aliens. I think people tend to underestimate this aspect in synastry, probably because Mercury isn't exactly a "love" planet. With square Venus, it is merely love languages. But with Mercury, the other person usually don't have the capacity to see or comprehend the other person's worldview, or experiences. One person might stay away from the other as to not argue with them, and the other will see this as abandonment. If one person opens their mouth about anything, they will be dismissed as ignorant. This aspect is very tricky and hard in synastry. Both will just argue a lot.

If you have any Saturn conjunction synastry with someone, somehow the energy of the relationship feels stifling, but it's not the point of it. It feels stifling because Saturn is about self-control and order. I adore this synastry with someone that you are in romantic relationship with, because it's also about devotion and faithfulness. The stifling part can be that you both become so careful of not saying the wrong thing because you can sense how delicate the other person's feelings is, and there's a huge sense of responsibility here, almost as if the other person's feelings or well being is your responsibility too, and vice versa. Saturn conjunct Sun/Moon make the Saturn person feels responsible to the Sun/Moon person, while the Sun/Moon person somehow perceive the Saturn person as someone who is highly respected and experienced.

If you have very little to no aspects (especially conjunction) with someone in synastry (especially in personal planet), it makes it very hard for the both of you to relate to each other's feelings. Even if both of you are generally nice people and treat the other good, it feels like they can't truly understand you, nor you understand them.

People with Saturn and Pluto dominant people usually have a lot of karma. Now this doesn't always means that it's bad, but really be careful of what you do as it will come back to you 10 times more. Saturn and Pluto deals with power and control, but actually mostly it's about self-control and self-empowerment. It's not so much about controlling other people or try to overpower others. If you have Pluto/Saturn aspects with someone and you are the Saturn/Pluto person, try to think about this. It's never about controlling other people or your partner.

People with Uranus in 7th unconsciously trying to find/attract partners who are unstable, be it mentally or financially, etc. It's really awful though because their relationship might effected them mentally so much to the point where they might spiral into depression. If you have this in your natal chart, please pay attention to the reasons as to why you are attracted to your person. I'm not saying that we should not date someone based on their mental health/financial status. But if you know that this person will likely mess with your head or life, please think about this thoroughly. What i noticed is, Uranus in 7th house people really desire to have a beautiful and stable romantic life but unconsciously attracted to people who won't give them exactly that.

If you have Venus in earth houses (2,6,10) people will generally see you as the stable one in relationships, even if you're not, even if you're awkward or inexperienced. It's generally because people see you as someone who's practical in relationships and most likely attract partners who are reliable too.

If you have 11th house synastry with someone and you attracted to them romantically, you guys might started off with friendship first. Or, there is this element of friendship in this relationship. Both of you don't always act romantic but somehow you guys get each other so easily. Like you guys might finish each other's sentences.

Mars in 4th house synastry means when the Mars person gets angry, it'll somehow feel familiar to the 4th house person or vice versa. Like when this person gets angry, it reminds you of when your own parents gets angry and how they act when they are angry. If you are close with your parents, it might means that you can handle their anger easily because you just know that to do.

When you have 8th house in composite or synastry, you will not ever doubt their feelings for you. For example, if you have moon in 8th house, you know damn well that this person loves you and so are they, they know that you love them so much.

If you find yourself so attracted to certain sign so much, check the degree of your Venus sign. For example, if you have Venus in 1 degree, you might find yourself so attracted to Aries.

If you have a lot of 2nd and 8th house conjunction with someone, it can mean that they will spoil you so much and vice versa. It's like an instinct, like they will naturally want to buy you things and so are you.

People always talk about how the sign in your 7th house is your romantic partner, but the 7th house also represent hidden enemies. For example, I have Cancer in my 7th house (Capricorn Rising), and i swear to whatever people finds holy, I cannot stand them no matter how nice i am to them, they are always so suspicious of me and start to talk sh*t behind my back. The only Cancer placement that i can get along with are Cancer Mars and Cancer Rising.

#astrology #astro notes #astrology notes #astrology observations #astro community

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godkeis · 2 years

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𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓.

characters: t. kei, k. tobio & k. shinsuke

genre: hurt/comfort

word count: around 1k

content warnings: arguments, blaming, cursing, mentions of insecurity

summary: how would haikyuu boys react when you walk out during an argument part one.

part ii. | part iii.

TSUKISHIMA KEI

Arguments with Kei usually arise whenever he starts crossing the line with his snarky and sarcastic remarks. There are times when he doesn’t know to limit himself when he blurts out things as if they are some kind of joke most of the time. When you started opening up to him regarding your recent insecurity and he slammed you with a sarcastic response, you felt awfully shit. It took you a muster of courage to bring it up to Kei yet, he didn’t see it as something serious.

“Seriously Kei? You know how hard it is for me to open up with how I feel and yet, you made me feel like shit.”

“What Y/N? I was just joking, don’t be so pressed about it.” You felt your blood boiling with how he perceived your point of view.

“Pressed? Are you fucking kidding me Tsukishima?” You never call him with his last name except for today because you had enough of him.

“If you’re going to continue treating me like this then I have no choice but to leave.”

You spat and pulled your heavy heart up to walk out of Kei’s apartment. Kei felt a shiver down his spine as he watched your figure slowly moving away from him. For the first time in his whole life, he felt a massive fear strike down his insides, fingers curling into his palms. When you shut the door of his apartment quietly, Kei swore he saw his whole life flashback in his eyes.

“I..fuck. I fucked up so much.”

Letting out a heavy breath, Kei stood up and hurriedly followed you before you could even slip away from his life. When he opened the door, he saw your figure walking away not so far from his door. With all his speed, he ran towards you and softly grabbed your arm just above your elbow so that he could see your face. But when he saw that you were crying messily, his heart ached and broke down. The fact that you were crying because of him broke him so much inside.

“I’m…so sorry, Y/N. I crossed the line.” He said softly, keeping the eye contact.

The following hours were spent with him holding you in his chest as you cry your heart out. Kei will listen to your sobs as he caresses your back. Once you calmed down, he will start apologizing sincerely more and will make no excuse for what he has done to you.

Days after that, Kei was extra sweet and will often check you out, especially with your mental and emotional stability. He never wanted to see you turning your back from him as you walk away because he’ll never be able to forgive himself if you leave him, especially when he’s the reason why.

KAGEYAMA TOBIO

Tobio thinks of nothing but volleyball. If he will be asked to pick anything versus volleyball, he'll definitely pick the latter. You don’t have an issue with this because, in the first place, you know what you are going into when you committed with Tobio.

However, when Tobio starts to get injured frequently, you began worrying like mad crazy. Tobio has the habit of over practising himself that’s why you were trying to convince him to take a break and only practice during his official practice hours.

“Are you trying to change my mind about playing volleyball? Because it’s not going to happen, Y/N.”

However, he thought of it the other way around.

“What? I am not trying to change your mind, Tobio. My side is that you have to rest too. You cannot overwork yourself and come home limping every single day because it hurts me and it hurts you too!”

“You know what? If you’re not going to support me with volleyball then leave. I don’t need someone who cannot understand how important my career is.”

Your heart shattered into pieces when he flipped the whole goddamn conversation into something else. You felt your insides being twisted with your significant other asking you to leave.

“Tobio, I have been supporting you since day one and you know I will always support you. However, if it's going to lead you to self-destruction then you’ll lose a supporter.”

With teary eyes, you pulled yourself up and walked out straight of his apartment. In a matter of seconds, Tobio realized that you left for real. As he watched you walk away from him, Tobio knows that he’s about to lose you for real.

“Shit shit, no! Y/N!”

He yelled but you chose not to look back because if you do, you know you’ll fall for him again. But Tobio is a fast runner and caught up with you immediately.

“Please…No. I don’t want to lose you, Y/N. I..am sorry, love.” Tobio breathed out, hands resting on your shoulder for support because his foot hurt like hell.

Tobio knows he didn’t mean any of the words he said to you. Losing you was the last thing he wanted to happen in his life and he knows that if he lost you, he’ll never be able to pick up the volleyball again because it’ll scar him forever that you left because of it. You got a point, you were just concerned and he’s being stubborn.

Melting into your boyfriend’s arm, you took him back to the apartment. A couple of hours later were spent in the living room with you icing his bruised foot and booking an appointment trip to the hospital the next day. Turns out that he sprained his foot and will be needing at least a week of rest.

Tobio will probably be silent the following days, reflecting on his words and actions however, he’ll also reach a breaking point and apologize to you with all his heart. He cannot stand the fact that he told you to leave yet, you’re here, taking care of him like there’s no tomorrow. He’s a goddamn lucky one.

KITA SHINSUKE

We all know that Shinsuke is pretty strict with how he keeps things in his life organized. He follows a strict routine every day and is calm with life. However, when he encounters people that are not as efficient as him, there’s a tendency that he’ll lose control and will try to control your life.

You explained to Shinsuke that both of you have different approaches to how you deal with things in life. If he’s someone that doesn’t give a shit about some things in life, you’re the type to let everything sink in first before moving forward.

But this particular argument burst your last ounce of patience with explaining to him because he invalidated your feelings.

“Shinsuke, how many times do I have to explain to you that I cannot just push myself to do things that I cannot do at the moment? I am having a slump day and the least you can do is either offer me comfort or just leave me alone.”

“How long are you going to stay like that? The world will not stop for you just because you’re sad. Stop acting like that and do what you have to do.”

Shinsuke didn’t realize the impact of his words not until he heard no response from you. Turning to see you once more, he saw you wearing a blank expression. Honestly, he got a point but what matters the most for you at the moment is how you feel your emotions first before you heal and move forward. And Shinsuke just invalidated that.

“Okay.” You replied, standing up from your seat, and heading towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Shinsuke asked with arms crossing against his chest.

“Out.” With that, you didn’t even bother to wait for his response and exited the apartment. Shinsuke was confused at first but he figured out you wanted some space right now. Sighing, he didn’t chase you and continued with his daily routine.

Outside was you, heart heavy as you let yourself get lost with your slump day. You thought that going for a walk alone was actually nice and helped you clear your thoughts out of your head so you let yourself walk for hours without a destination.

On the other hand, Shinsuke already finished his afternoon routine and was just lounging around the living room. Glancing at his phone, he saw that the sun will set soon and realized that it has been hours since you left and you didn’t text him a single message.

Panicking, hen rang your number a few times.

“Shin-”

“Y/N, where are you?”

You heard things rummaging around in the background followed by keys jiggling. Eventually, Shinsuke came to pick you up because it’s getting late and he’s worried. When Shinsuke found you sitting on the bench by the river, he swear he felt calmness and peace inside with you.

“I’m sorry, darling. I invalidated how you feel.”

Shinsuke will speak softly to you and will not hesitate to acknowledge his mistakes. If you chose to stay silent, he’ll understand it and will just watch the sunset with you. Shinsuke knows that it’s his mistake and he’s in no place to decide when to be forgiven. He may look calm but he’s actually felt fear inside because he doesn’t want to lose you.

If you decided to forgive him, Shinsuke will squeeze your hand as a sign of affirmation and comfort. No matter what decision you’ll pick, expect that Shinsuke will spend the following days making it up to you with his small actions.

He wanted you to feel safe and loved with him because you are one of the things that he treasures the most.

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callsignfate · 2 months

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HELLO HELLO! Happy New Year! From 1 to 10, how would you rate 2023? (10 being the BEST YEAR OF YOUR LIFE and 1 being the worst year)

It's not my first time reading your work (which is amazing), but it's my first time making a request in your blog. I don't see one of those posts with the rules and boundaries to make a request soooo I hope this isn't disrespecting any of your rules.

Valeria Garza could have any woman she wants by her side. But not her personal assistant (reader). Reader always kindly reject valeria every time she invites her on a date or for a drink. Valeria never understand why but respect her decision.

One day valeria finds out reader is a single mother!!

Reader rejects valeria not because she's not interested but because she thinks when valeria finds out she has a kid, she would change her mind.

Take your time and take care 🫶

Valeria x Single mother

A/N: This is lightly edited as most posts might be for a bit, I'm just finishing all the drafts I left hanging and editing them as much as I can for the night. Thank you Anon for this idea and I have some fluff one-shots for this idea I might post as well. As for my 2023, it was rough so I would say 2 or 3 for most of it but it did have some nice times. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

TW: Mentions torture and hints to murder, child is gn! but referred to as beautiful.

Loving a woman who runs Las Almas would be a mistake, a huge mistake you always told yourself. Moving here to Las Almas to get away from the man who threatened everything you loved was one thing but to fall in love with a woman who was more dangerous than him was something you cursed at yourself for even thinking about it mentally every day.

The day you caved and took her offer to become some sort of secretary was one that you wish you could regret, but you often didn’t. The pay was great, giving you the chance to give you and your child something you dreamed of the day you had them. Stability. All you did was show people to her office and answer calls that weren’t the dangerous kind. Sometimes you’d keep track of whatever accounts she trusted you with and make sure nothing was coming in or out unexpectedly, easy enough.

You worked efficiently while you thought of the thing that usually plagued your mind, why you? She must have had hundreds of not thousands of people at her disposal, so why you? You didn’t let yourself think too deeply about it as the fear of losing the comfortable life you had made for you and your child over the now two years you worked for her.

You rarely missed days, only taking a few when your kid was sick or needed you, often saying instead that you were sick, she didn’t question it and never told you off for taking a day or two, only eyeing you slightly when you arrived back.

Valeria was always impressed with your work, she didn’t at first need a secretary, rather using it as an excuse to get closer to the woman who ran through her thoughts often when she first heard of a beautiful outsider's arrival to Las Almas, nothing came up that made her worry, and the few things she trusted you with at first always stayed in her inner circle so you were trustworthy, even if the things she told you at first were false, tests to see if the info would end up anywhere else.

As the months went on things got more comfortable, as she hoped they would. Hoping her little flirtatious comments would get through, they did most of the time, not that you weren’t quick to offer a small smile but quickly get back to the point of the conversation. The gifts she gave were met with endless thank you’s and a small smile before she'd find the items worth of money back into one of her accounts soon after.

Valeria was getting slightly impatient and confused, She could have anyone she wanted as most were at her feet, willing to receive gifts of her wealth that she rarely personally used on anything but well-made clothes or the standard needs for herself. Why weren’t you cracking? Why were you evading her efforts so well? Why were you so unwilling to take a gift, other than a holiday bonus? Many others have asked for this and tried to get close to El Sin Nombre for the same treatment you received.

The weekend rolled around again and like always she walked by your empty desk where you had always left a reminder sticky note for her, something that needed to be done over the weekend when you couldn't remind her yourself. She huffed and kept walking, taking a stroll through the streets of her empire for something to do wasn’t the worst idea, you told her many times to try it, and this once she did.

At first, Valeria walked with her men trailing her far back, looking as if they were too just strolling the bustling streets in the crowds. The store windows and many street vendors had nothing she could think of getting you that you wouldn’t return or pay her back for anyway. Valeria’s eyes scanned the street, and the people, many times over, until she spotted you being pulled around by a child who looked strikingly similar to you, you had an exhausted smile as you followed the kid seemingly pulling your arm off as you nodded and watched as the kid pointed to some toy a vendor was selling, she walked through the small crowds as she got closer to hear you talking, you were asking if they were sure if that's what they wanted, the kid nodded quickly, your back was to her but she could already tell that was you, and that was your child that held on tightly to your clothes with a tight fist, anxiously.

Before you could get out the money for the toy Valeria already paid for it, you looked over to her with a smile that fell into shock, the one secret you had desperately held on to, the one thing you had feared her finding out was now indisputable, there was nothing you could say to sway her otherwise. You stood there frozen before clearing your throat and trying to think of something, anything to say.

“Thank.. You.” You finally mumbled out before you looked down to see the toy already in their hands as they moved it around in the air, some dragon toy they had asked for many times, a toy they had only seen a few times because you didn’t want Valeria’s men to see you and possibly report back to her, you were so careful, your head felt like it was building with pressure, the soft thrumming your blood pumping through your veins filled your ears as you assumed they, like your face, were bright red.

Valeria noticed the shock and fear immediately, she wasn't a stranger to people looking at her like this, yet until now you hadn’t. You always had a polite smile and kind words to offer, even small talk when you both had the chance. Valeria was perfect at keeping her emotions hidden, yet this time she struggled to not react in any way to the fear that was so prevalent on your face that it looked like she had tied you to the chair and was getting ready to torture you.

Your mind was racing with anything to say or to do, but you felt paralyzed. She wouldn’t harm you but would she stop talking to you? Offering you small compliments and the job if she found out you were taking sick days for your child instead? You knew Valeria had a soft spot in her somewhere but were you in it?

“They’re beautiful, they look just like you,” Valeria said before offering them a piece of candy from the vendor, which she quickly paid for. Of course, they took it excitedly, with a small thank you before putting it in their mouth.

“Thank you… Again. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I just didn’t want you to worry I wouldn’t be there or that I.. single mothers are somewhat frowned upon sometimes and I-” You rambled on filled with anxiety that felt like the world around you was louder and brighter than before.

Valeria saw this quickly, how anxious you were, how you pulled your child behind you and pressed them against you, for a moment she wished she had a mother who was willing to stand in front of someone deadly and still put themselves between it all. She offered her normal smile and a laugh, hoping to ease your worries.

“I’m not worried, I’m guessing this is why you always told me no to my many advances,” Valeria said with an amused tone, finally realizing it wasn’t that you weren’t interested, but rather you were worried she’d perceive you differently. Valeria was happy to know that her killing that man who ended up putting hits out on you and hunting you down wasn’t a terrible Idea. She could see the smallest resemblance to the father's in the child's face.

“I don’t want anyone in my life that isn't supportive or willing to help me take care of my child, they are my priority, always.” You said as the confidence slowly filled your town, the protectiveness Valeria could see in your eyes.

Before Valeria could say another word, she watched as your child begged to be picked up which you obliged, struggling to carry the bags with everything else. Valeria sighed and clicked her tongue in disagreement while shaking her head before she slid the bags off of your shoulders and tilted her head for you to lead the way to wherever else you were headed.

#valeria x reader #valeria garza x reader #valeria garza x fem!reader #mw2 valeria x reader #valeria garza x you

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ohtobeleah · 9 months

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Bruises // Jake Seresin

Chapter Three: [In The Arms Of The Enemy]

Summary: Both you and Jake come face to face with the man you only know as ‘The Commander’ who you soon find out has very little patience for bullshit.

Series Warnings: Heavy themes of violence, sexual assault, torture. 18+ content. Minors DNI. Mature themes. Being held in captivity. Hostage style situation. Main character death! Whump, Angst. Conversations that discuss antisocial & antisemitism views.

Word Count: 4.6k

Author Note: THIS SERIES IS CONFRONTING, FICTIONAL, AND DEPICTS IMAGES OF TORTURE. DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT IF YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS SERIES WILL BE DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR MENTAL STABILITY. CURATE YOUR OWN TIMELINE.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

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Every Naval Aviator you had ever known had a shadow. A dark cloud of fear and doubt that followed even the best into the cockpit. Every day you’d pretend like the shadow wasn't there, it's what got you this far, hoping that if you went faster, pulled harder, mastered harder techniques, achieved more, did better, got stronger and knew enough knowledge to rival an F-18 Natop book, that the shadow would give in and give up the chase.

“Hollywood.” But like they say, you can't out-run your shadow. “Hey hotshot, you okay?” Jake's voice was as angelic as an angel's whisper as it cut through the fog in your mind. You weren't sure where you were or how long you’d been out for. But what you did know is that you felt like crap.

Jake watched through the bars of his cell as you made an attempt to get up onto your knees. You'd been lying face down in the dirt of the cell floor. Drooling to the point mud had begun to form where your cheek had been squished against the clay. Inhaling all kinds of nasty things.

“There she is.” Jake beamed as he pressed himself up against the metal bars that kept him from you. “You're okay, just breathe alright.” Jake had been awake for a while now. He’d just been listening, taking in his surroundings before they had shoved you into your cell. Time was hard to tell, but Jake estimated you'd been on the ground unconscious for roughly twenty minutes.

“Where are we?” You asked as you got up onto your knees. It was a little harder to achieve with your hands tied in front of you. The rope itself was pulled tight enough to give you pins and needles, but not hard enough to cut off blood flow completely. “Oh my god where the fuck are we!” It wasn't until you turned around in a panic that you saw it. You let out a blood curdling scream that came from the depths of your soul when your eyes landed on the dead body in the corner of your cell. Still tied up but very much dead.

“OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD GET ME OUT OF HERE!” You cried as you fell back onto your ass and shuffled closer and closer to the bars that kept you apart. You didn't stop moving until your back collided with the metal. “Jake! Jake you have to get me out of here I can’t–I can't breathe!”

“Hey, hey hey–shhh I got you, I've got you.” Jake tried his best to try and calm you down. He’d been looking at that same dead body for the better half of what he assumed to be an hour before they brought you in. “I'm right here with you, okay?”

“Oh god oh god oh god oh god.” It was the only thing you could say as you felt Jake right behind you. He did what he could to try and comfort you, but his own hands were tied in front of him. The same as yours. No matter how much he tried he couldn't squeeze his arms in through the gaps in the bars. He could probably get one, but not two. Not tied at the wrist like this.

“Don't look at her.” Jake cooed, his voice still as calm as ever. Level headed as can be in a time like this. “Hey, Hollywood, don't look at her, turn around and look at me.” He asked softly as he stayed right behind you, right in your ear so you could hear him, so he could make sure you could hear him through the panic. Through the fear. “Turn around and look at me Y/n, just me.”

It took everything you had to peel your eyes away from the woman slumped in the corner of your cell. It took everything you had to turn around and face Jake Seresin as he kneeled on the dirt of his own cell. Face to face with you up against the bars.

“We’re gonna get out of here–” It was a vastly different take on the matter to what you had to say. “I'm gonna get you out of here, I promise.”

“Noone knows where we are, we don't even know where we are.” You sobbed as Jake reached through the bars as much as he could to grip your hands in his. “I'm so scared.”

“I'm scared too.” Jake admitted as he held your hands in his. “But we’ve gotta be smart here alright, you don't show them you're scared because the minute they see you're scared they’ll use it against you.” You understood the logic, but how the hell were you supposed to mask this? “And when they come back, which they will, you don't struggle.” Only then did Jake sound scared. Although he’d told you he was, he didn't sound it. If anything he sounded as confident as he did all the time. “You don't give them a reason to hurt you okay and I promise I will get you out of here.”

All you did was nod as you tried to silence your sobbs. Jake had never seen you cry before, now he’d seen you cry enough for a lifetime. The thought of you being in this situation with him killed him. It was always him, just him. Jake had always flown solo. He’d never gone down in enemy territory before. And he hated that the time he did he took down his Weapons System Officer too.

“Who is she?” You asked softly as you tried to calm down. “The woman.” Jake had had more time than you to try and figure that question out. He had an idea, but he wasn't entirely sure.

“She's a pilot.” Jake answered hesitantly but he knew you'd figured that much out yourself. “I can't see you patch though.” It was Jake's very polite way of asking if you could take a look. He didn't want to ask you out right knowing how much fear coursed through your veins, but when you nodded he knew you got what he was asking.

Jake watched as you stood, using the support of the bars to help you up. Things were so difficult with your arms tied in front of you. Jake did the same thing, he sat on his ass and pushed himself up. Your cell seemed so much smaller than it did a second ago. With Jake whispering in your ear that everything would be alright the dead body seemed a million miles away. Now? Now it seemed as though she was at your feet before you'd even taken three steps.

“You’re okay.” Jake reminded you as he watched you step closer. “I'm right here with you.” It wasn't true, but it was nice to hear. You crouched down in front of her. The woman who was dead in your cell. It didn't look like she had been gone for too long. Her skin was cool to the touch but there was no rotting smell. The smell you think about when you think of dead bodies. “Can you see anything?”

They must have wanted you to investigate, maybe they wanted you to know who it was. Because her uniform looked as if it had been washed, cleaned and dried of the blood they surely spilled over it. Her patches were all still there, including her callsign.

“Dutchess.” You frowned as you looked at the patches and callsign on her uniform. Struggling to understand how she ended up here. “It's Captain Sarah ‘Dutchess’ Hewens.” Jake had heard about the missing Captain that had been reported missing in action just shy of four months ago. You all had. It had been the scuttle butt across every naval station. How she ended up here he’d never know, but you had a theory. “Jake, we were ambushed.” You turned around with fear in your eyes as you rose to your feet. “They had to have known we were coming because the second we were in that canyon they were on us.”

It had all been such a blur Jake hadn’t even thought about it. All he was thinking about was trying to get out alive. He was thinking about his wingman, Rooster. Never once did the thought of an ambush cross his mind. But evidently it had crossed yours. Which made you the best WSO Jake had ever known.

“You think Dutchess tried to trade intel for her life?” Jake asked as he stood by the bars. He wanted nothing more than to be in the same cell as you. He couldn't protect you with bars stopping him from getting to you.

“I think she did whatever she had to do in order to survive.” You said exactly what Jake had just in a more forgiving way. “They knew we were coming because Dutchess told them hoping it would keep her alive, how else would they have known we were coming?”

As you looked at Jake through the bars of your cell and he looked back at you with the same realisation and disbelief evident all over his face, you remembered he was struck on the back of the head.

“Are you okay?” The softness in your voice was a stark contrast to the anger you had just before explaining your theory on the ambush. “Your head?”

“You don’t have to worry about me hotshot.” Jake sent you that signature grin everyone loved. “But for the record? I’m fine.”

“How about off the record?” Jake wasn’t expecting you to care so much. He thought for sure you’d want to kill him yourself for getting you into this mess. But you didn’t seem to pass blame. “I saw what that guy did to you. It must have hurt like a bitch.” It was then Jake let out the smallest of chuckles to himself as he nodded in response.

“Off the record i've got a little bit of a headache but it's nothing I can't handle.” Jake explained as he stood face to face with you at the bars that kept you apart. “What about you? How're the ribs?” There was something about Jake that brought you comfort. If you were here alone you probably would have already given up. But when he looked at you like you were the only light that could guide him out of this hellscape–you couldn't help but to feel just a little special. Even in the darkest of times.

“Yeah, no they’re fucked.” Your complete honesty made the pair of you laugh for just a fleeting moment. With that laughter came a little bit of reprieve, it made you feel even just for a second that you were at the Hard Deck just trying to fit in. It made you believe as you closed your eyes and revealed in the sweet sweet sound of Jake Seresins laugh that you were looking at him looking at you from across the bar.

But then you opened your eyes and you were still in hell.

“They hurt, but like you said, it’s nothing I can’t handle.” Your eyes trailed down from Hangman's eyes to watch as he pressed his lips together in a fine line. He was unsure, unsure if you were alright. Unsure of everything. “How the hell are we gonna get outta here Jake?”

“I don’t know.” He sighed, letting his forehead rest against yours through the bars. “But I promise you I’ll figure that out.” You knew there was no way he could ever really promise that, but still you believed him. “Trust me, you and I? We weren’t born to die. We’re Hangman and Hollywood.” Jake tried to get you to smile as fresh tears began to stream down your cheeks. “Hollywood and Hangmans story doesn’t end in some dingy cell in some unknown territory.”

“When exactly does our story end?” You asked as you felt Jake raise his hands up from in front of him to gently touch your chin.

“After this? Hopefully old and gray in some retirement villages where we can spend our days bickering over the fact that we should have sued for a hell of a lot more than we end up suing for.” That made you smile, it made the corners of your lips turn into your cheeks. “It doesn’t end here.”

Every Naval Aviator has a shadow. And the only way to get rid of a shadow–is to turn off the lights, stop running from the darkness—and face what you fear. Head on.

You had no choice but to face your fears when your smile was ripped right off your face when the wheels of your cell door opening echoed throughout your cell. Jake felt you go stiff, he noticed how you held whatever little breath was in your lungs and he saw how fear took over your entire being.

“Don’t give them a reason to hurt you.” Jake mumbled as he stayed put. He wasn’t leaving the bars. If this was as close as he could get then so be it. He wasn’t moving. “I’m right here.”

“Let’s go.” The Insurgent ordered as you stepped away from the bars and made your way towards where he stood with arms crossed and feet spread slightly. He was built and tall and once again clothed head to toe in black clothing. Leaving you no way to identify the man. “Did you enjoy getting to know your cellmate?” He asked with an evil laugh that would have made the devil himself shiver as he gripped your arm hard. “She was my favourite.” He drew you closer so that you were as close as you could get. He snickered deeply as he inhaled your scent, you swore he could smell your fear. “But something tells me you’ll be a little more fun to torment.”

“Okay Buddy let’s go.” All the while Jake was watching you, he didn’t notice his own guard coming to the door of his cell.

“I’m not going anywhere with you.” Jake argued as he turned around to face the guard. “Where the hell are we!? what are you doing with her!?” It was hard to watch but it happened quicker than you could look away. “Ahhh!” Jake fell to his knees as the guard in his cell tased his side. Sending volts of electricity through his body that he couldn’t fight.

“Jake!” You tried to rush to his aid but the man who had come for you held you back against his chest and placed a rough hand over your mouth.

“I swear to god if I didn’t have orders to keep you alive I’d smear your guts along the walls of this fucking cell.” He hissed before spinning you around only to shove you out of your cell into the hall. “Now fucking walk, I don’t wanna have to tell you again.”

“What are you going to do to him?” Although you were being shoved out into the corridor your eyes wouldn’t leave Jake as he laid fetal style on the dirt floor of his cell. “I asked you a question!” Your insubordination cost you a slap across the face hard enough to nearly crack your neck. Jake heard it, the other guard heard it.

“God I wanna fuck the fire out of this one.” The guy manhandling you snickered at his partner.

“Not yet.” Was all the guy who was towering over Jake replied. You watched with a whine as he brought his leg back only to kick Jake and kick Jake hard right in his gut while he was down. “Take her to The Commander.” Again there was a harsh kick that had Jake groaning in unbearable pain, but all you could do was watch and take in small identifiable features of your captors.

Deep voices, tall, the hand that had wrapped itself around your mouth was caucasian, the size boot of the guard kicking Jake had to have at least been a ten or more. Small, hopefully valuable pieces of a much larger puzzle.

“Is that all you’ve got, big guy?” You heard Jake laugh as he tried to get up off the ground as you were being ushered along. You saw it coming the second his arrogance slips past his tongue. That same taser that had jolted Jake in his side was now pressed into his neck.

“JAKE!” There was no answer, no response or sign of life as you rounded the corner struggling. “Let go of me!” It was everything he’d told you not to do. “Let go of me!” But you needed to fight. “I’m not going anywhere with you!” It was then again you were hit with that same paralytic as before, a sharp sting followed by a quick burning sensation left your vision darkened and distorted before you were falling to your knees.

Unable to move and unable to fight.

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

When you’re little, nighttime is scary because there are monsters hiding right under your bed. When you get older, the monsters are different. Self doubt, loneliness, regret. And though you may be older and wiser–you still find yourself scared of the dark.

The room you woke up in was dark and all consuming but just from the smell alone seemed cleaner than the grim covered cell you’d just been dragged from. All at once, all the lights were in—blinding you in bright white light.

“I’m sorry my men had to get so physical with you so soon into your stay with us.” You heard a man speak from the corner of the room. “I’m hoping once we have a chat about what exactly it is you and your comrade are doing here that I’ll be able to tell them to be a little less hostile.” He spoke calmly, level headed.

“Who are you?” You strained against the restraints keeping you down on the chair you found yourself in.

“You can call me The Commander.” Was all he said as he stalked around the room. To your surprise the more your eyes allowed the light in, the more you came to realise he was on full display. No dark clothes, no hidden identity. Just a simple man in a simple suit. He looked well kept, clean and shaven. Like he had just come off Wall Street. “And what can I call you in return?” He asked politely enough as he sat down on the edge of a barron desk.

“Hollywood.” You simply croaked out. He nodded in a sign of gratitude. You were still assessing your situation.

“You and your friend seem to have been flying a little too far away from home don’t you think?” The room you were in smelt of chemical cleaner and notes of bourbon. The bourbon must have been from The Commander himself.

“Well the US hasn’t always been known for keeping within its sovereign borders.” You sighed, still coming to. “Has it.” The Commander chuckled at your wit as he stalked towards you.

“Still doesn’t answer my question Hollywood?” He reminded you as he towered over your still sitting body. He was harsh as he gripped at your face to make sure you were looking up at him. “Why are you here?”

“The google reviews on your accommodation package need some updating.” You answered proudly. “Only reason I’m here is because the reviews said the rooms were bright and spacious.” It earned it a fist to the side of the face. “Ahh!”

“I’m not a patient man.” The Commander explained as he remained towering over you. “I’ll get what I want and I’ll go to any lengths to get it.” He paused as he bent over to level with you. “Just ask Captain Hewens.” The look on your face must have been enough to tell The Commander exactly what he needed to know. That you weren’t so confident after all. “It’s simple, you give me what I want and I won’t kill your friend.” At the mere mention of Jake your heart rate increased enough to send heat racing to your cheeks as you strained against your restraints. “Bring him in.” The Commander ordered as double doors that rivaled something straight out of an asylum busted open.

The two guards, you’d decided to nickname them dumb and dumber, dragged Jake in. They both carried his weight with one arm each as his head slumped and his head hung low.

“Oh my god.” You gasped at the sight of Jake before you. He was beaten pretty badly, to the extent where his face was all swollen and cut up. “Jake—“

“Nothing I can’t handle.” He made sure to let you know.

“Now you see Hollywood, I’m in search of information that might aid me in the process of furthering my reach across the globe.” You weren’t all that focused on the explanation you were being given, all you could focus on was Jake at your feet, lying on his back looking up at you.

“But before we move onto that, I need to know what exactly the two of you were sent here to do.” The Commander walked across the room to pick up a single knife. “And you’re going to tell me just what your government sent you here to do.” The Commander lingered on his explanation as he made his way over to where Jake laid on the ground at your feet, spent and just trying to catch his breath. “You’re going to answer some of my questions and if you don’t I’m gonna slit the Lieutenant's throat.”

“Don’t you touch him.” Sleep. It's the easiest thing to do. “Don’t.” You hissed as you watched the Commander crouch down to lift Jake's head up by his blood stained hair. Jake laughed in a way you’d never heard him laugh before. It was nearly insane sounding.

“Jokes on you, I like having my hair pulled.” You caught the moment Jake sent you a struggled wink before he rammed the back of his head right against The Commander's nose. The crack was unreal—it echoed off the walls as he stumbled back a few steps and cupped at his nose. “But usually by pretty women.” Again there was a wink, Jake's arrogance was shining through the imminent peril the two of you were in.

For a guy who looked as if he’d been beaten within an inch of his life, Jake moved pretty quick. He sprung up onto his feet and swung at The Commander the second he got a chance to.

You winced as Jake tackled The Commander to the ground, the knife in his handle went sliding across the floor in a spectacular fashion, catching the fluorescent light as it twirled around.

“Piece of shit!” It was pure anger as Jake let The Commander have it. He straddled the well kept man’s waist as he landed punch after punch after punch. “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?”

You knew it was over before it even started the second the hospital style double doors opened with a boisterous thud once again. Three men dressed head to toe in dark clothing entered the room with quick haste. One made his way over to you while the other two raced over to where Jake was giving the Commander his all.

Sleep. You just close your eyes and drift away. But for so many people, sleep seems out of their grasp.

You want it, so bad, but you don't know how to get it. How to obtain such a hot commodity.

“Get off of me!!” Jake spat as he was hoisted off the man in the suit with soulless eyes and an empty heart. “Get the fuck off me!” He was made to kneel as his arms were held out. When Jake had actually stopped fighting his heart sank into his stomach.

There you were—strapped to the chair with one of the men holding a gun to your temple. Jake watched as your bottom lip quivered and your eyes welled with tears. You’d cried so many tears.

“I’ll start easy shall I?” The Commander spat blood as he rose to his feet and fixed his suit jacket. “Names, I want both your names.” His tone had changed, The Commander was angry, no doubt about it. “Don’t answer and I’ll kill her right now, right in front of you.”

“Don’t tell them anything.” Jake looked at you like you were the only one in the room. “I’m right here, it’s okay.”

“WHAT ARE YOUR NAMES!”

“I’m not telling you shit!” Jake swore time stood still as he watched the guard behind you move the gun from your temple and fired one single shot into your upper thigh. Your screams could have burst his eardrums as you cried out in shock and pain. The realisation set in quickly that they were serious—it wasn’t just a bluff. Jake and his actions had gotten you shot.

“I’ll give you one last chance to tell me exactly who you are before I blow her fucking brains out right here right now.” Jake's knees felt weak as deep crimson began to seep into your flight suit. This was real, holy shit this was really fucking real.

“My name is Lieutenant Jacob ‘Hangman’ Seresin, and the woman you just shot is Lieutenant Y/N ‘Hollywood’ Y/L/N.” Jake explained as guilt flooded his broken and battered system. He stayed kneeling on the ground before you as your painful cries filled the silence.

“Good.” The Commander was satisfied enough. “Someone run their files, I want addresses, stations, friends and family names, you name it.” He added as he gestured for his guards to let Jake go. “Let her go.” He nodded before the man with the gun lowered his weapon. You felt like you could breathe once again. “Someone get me a suture kit and rubbing alcohol.”

It was all getting blurry, the voices, the room. Blood was pouring out of your thigh at a rate you recognized to be dangerous. Jake moved over to where you sat, now unrestrained. He assessed your thigh before placing his hands on your cheeks to wipe away your tears.

“I’m so sorry—“ It was an apology bathed in the deepest of sympathies. The Commander watched as Jake kneeled between your legs. It sparked an idea inside his mind that would make it a hell of a lot easier to get the information he needed.

“I hope you’ve got steady hands there Lieutenant Seresin.” The Commander snickered as he rolled his cuffs up. “Wouldn’t want your partner bleeding out.” It didn’t take Jake long at all to figure out what was happening, because the moment he was handed the suture kit? He knew he was going to have to get used to your agonising whimpers. “Try not to make her scream too much, I’ve got a fucking headache.”

“I’m really tired.” You mumbled as your head fell forward against Jake's shoulder. He did his best to hold back his own tears as you worked to cup his hand over the bleeding. The other held the back of your head as he turned to kiss your temple softly. “Jake—“

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” He spoke as softly as ever as the Commander and his insurgents left the clean near sterile room. Leaving just you and Jake behind. “I’m gonna fix you up, don’t worry, you can rest.”

“Mmmm—don’t ever try to be a hero again.” Jake nodded as he let out a painful sob. This wasn’t what he had signed up for. This wasn’t part of the mission parameters.

“Just stay with me Hollywood.” Sleep, it didn’t always come easy. But once you face your demons, face your fears, and turn to each other for help–night time isn't all that scary. “I’ve got you.” It was the last thing you heard before everything went dark. But you felt a comfort, a warm embrace that kept you safe.

Why? Because you realised soon enough that you weren’t all alone in the dark.

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Tags 🏷️ @americaarse @blindedbythelightt @tayl0rhuynh @athenabarnes @imaginecrushes @whyareallnamesgone @mjmaximoffbarnes @amiets2 @mads-weasley @gabbyella @ephemeralninon @xoxabs88xox @pedrohoe04 @starkleila @je-suis-prest-rachel @clancycucumber230 @maisie-rebloging-blog @callsign-barbell @obiwankenobis-lap @some-lovely-day @paperbag333 @callsign-magnolia @jhiddles03 @hardballoonlove @shanimallina87 @seitmai i @abaker74 @missemrose @starset21 @kmc1989 @phoenix1388 @emma8895eb @tsofo26 @itsmytimetoodream

#bruises // jake seresin #jake hangman imagine #jake seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin fanfiction #jake seresin x y/n #jake seresin x f!reader #jake seresin whump

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iheartbrahmsy · 1 year

Text

☆🩰 WHAT TYPE OF LOVE ARE YOU ATTRACTING ..? 🧸

♡ PILE ONE 🧿

self love, showing off , going through

You could already be in a relationship, but that doesn’t really matter tbh ( you can read this no matter your status)

You’re attracting a mature type of love. Your partner no matter if they’re already in your life or not , is helping you in your self love journey. A journey you had to go through at this point , you were neglecting your mental / physical health a lot … you’ll also have really good communication!

You’ll go through a lot together. You won’t be alone anymore when having to face a challenge. Again , really mature energy from this pile. Their standing by your side.

This person has expensive taste. Sometimes they’re not even trying, but always comes through impressing everyone. They love showing you off , and might even post pictures of just you. Just because you’re that pretty and important to them. They seem calm and protective.

If you are already in a relationship and things are going great , your relationship is getting on a next , better level. One of you, or even both , might as well be getting a promotion.

If you’re single , and of course looking to change that , you’ll be approached by a mature person , wanting to offer you stability. Possibly older than you. It won’t be like your other relationships. You may have went through some toxicity, esp in your love life. You’re not going through that with this person. If you have any trauma from your previous relationships , or any toxic patterns / habits, please make sure to heal that. You don’t want to be projecting it into this relationship. However, your person seems patient and willing to help you

♡ PILE TWO 🩰

Pure, healthy love - this will apply more to people in relationships, but it doesn’t really matter what your status is

You and your partner/ crush might be into alt music and style. You also seem to be in a long distance relationship, or there’s been long since you last saw each other. Regardless of your situation, you seem to always follow your heart and completely avoid your logic.

Youre reuniting with your partner / crush and going on a beautiful date. One of you might have a cat!

“ I’ll never finish falling in love with you “ . You’re really into each other and that’s why I think you’re already in a relationship or in the early stages

You might smoke together as well when you meet again. Some of you might really be into poems. Also , a lot of you have jealousy issues, that might stem from last relationships or just fear of getting hurt. Regardless, you’re called to stop worrying , something your person might tell you as well.

“ pls don’t get tired of me “ , “ you’re my favourite person “

get married. Bye😭

♡ PILE THREE 🍵

Deep, warm love

Some of you might be into painting!

Making paintings for your partner. This is a relationship that is definitely long term. But even if time passes by , you still don’t lose the sparkle of the relationship! You seem to be mutually obsessed with each other ,( not in a bad way ) , putting equal effort. One may be more upfront with their feelings as well , while the other one might take some time to open up. You’ll probably cook together , or spend time with each other while one of you cooks. Might also get matching tattoos at one point. You may go out on Fridays a lot , or the day Friday , might be significant to you. You are both grateful for each other. I don’t have anything else for this pile tbh. You are definitely a happy couple that likes to do a lot of activities together. This relationship will last too

#pick a card #tarot #tarotcommunity #daily tarot #pac tarot #tarot reading #love tarot reading #tarot daily #tarotonline #loa #what are you attracting

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soloorganaas · 1 year

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Sirius, bipolar disorder and 1981

I’ve held the headcanon for a while that Sirius being bipolar was a fundamental part of his breakdown in 1981, that led to him believing Remus was the spy and failing to prevent Lily and James’s deaths, as well as ultimately being the reason Remus was persuaded that Sirius (not entirely consciously) betrayed James and committed mass-murder. so I’ve laid out all my thoughts about this below

Sirius’s breakdown leading up to Oct 31, 1981

bipolar episodes of mania/depression are not responses to external events in the same way regular depression or anxiety are. they will inevitably happen at some point however stable your life is. however, a traumatic event can sometimes trigger a period of mania/depression that spirals beyond the actual event itself

there is no doubt that Sirius was experiencing compound trauma by 1981. there isn’t any specific canon as to when he became involved in the Order, but we know by this point he was deep in the fight and presumably had been for around a year or more. he was living with the constant, extreme stress of being in potentially fatal missions, as well as the risk of losing his loved ones who were doing the same

Sirius’s friendship with James and the impact the danger he faced had on Sirius during this period is fundamental to his breakdown. James was central to his conception of safety and stability. he rescued him emotionally and later physically from his abusive home, and gave him a new loving one. without James, Sirius doesn’t have a home - and therefore the world simply doesn’t make sense. there’s no doubt Sirius would have been living in absolute terror of having his world quite literally torn apart. this would have been magnified tenfold when the specific threat to Harry and therefore James and Lily became apparent, and Sirius had to watch as a war against a fascist terror group became a defense of his best friend’s family being hunted by an unimaginably powerful dark wizard

part of bipolar disorder is the subconscious knowledge that you will at some point crash. there is a sense of inevitability of your world falling apart, like constantly living in a movie waiting for the third act tragedy. for Sirius, watching his world quite literally fall apart, this would undoubtedly have triggered that underlying fear. he is expecting the worst, knowing that it’s going to happen, because it always has

Sirius believing Remus was the spy

Sirius’s struggle with bipolar disorder would lead to his seemingly irrational suspicion of Remus for two main reasons

first is that the chronic instability and tendency toward self-destruction that Sirius experiences as a part of bd is inseparable from his relationship with Remus. breaking up in the heat of manic or depressive episodes is a common bipolar symptom. Remus with his own trauma and mental health issues would never be capable of creating enough stability for the both of them as their relationship formed, and adding into that the struggles of being a gay man in the 70s/80s, they never developed a strong foundation as teens

so the second point is how putting this under the pressure cooker of war doomed them from the outset. without external support or stability, Sirius was always going to spiral down, and Remus would always be unable to cope. by 1981 Sirius is overwhelmed with fear over losing James and utterly unable to think rationally. he’s being pushed to the brink on Order missions. he’s convinced his the world is going to crash down around him. he’s lashing out at the people closest to him and destroying things just for the misguided feeling of control. Remus is watching this happen but is also swept up in his own chronic terror and mental instability, and is utterly unable to understand what Sirius is doing or going through, let alone try and stop it. they are both crashing down around each other, with the very fear they have of losing each other tearing them further apart

at some point I think Sirius simply convinces himself its Remus - because he’s the one hurting him so much with his own part in destroying their relationship, because if anyone is going to tear his world to pieces it would be the one he’s most vulnerable to, because if you want to bring about the destruction by yourself of course you’d pick the person you can hurt the most, because the world is stealing everything from him so of course it would still the one beautiful, tender, miraculous thing he has

Remus being persuaded Sirius betrayed James and Lily

I’m writing ‘persuaded’ deliberately, because there is no way that Remus would instantly believe Sirius could betray James or even murder Peter and a crowd of muggles. they had been friends for over ten years, living in each other’s pockets and they knew each other inside and out. they had built incredibly deep and meaningful bonds as a group. Remus would struggle to believe that Sirius could kill Peter, but he may in the end come to accept it. but he could never, ever have watched Sirius and James for ten years and believe he would consciously betray him

instead, I think Remus came to believe through the persuasion of others (Dumbledore specifically, particularly if you go with the idea he had an interest in keeping Sirius in Azkaban) that Sirius had a breakdown and acted with such reckless self-destruction he inadvertently brought about James and Lily’s deaths. Remus had been dragged down in Sirius’s spiral for a year or longer; if they were by that point together, he would have seen Sirius at his most vulnerable and raw, and understood better than anyone his capacity for manic, irrational self-destruction. he’d seen Sirius do similar things the entire time he’d known him - the prank, for example, which easily fits into a similar theme. Remus knows Sirius is capable of this, he knows he was truly out of his mind with fear

and I think that’s where the anger comes from (aside from fury over him murdering Peter and other innocent people) - that Sirius had spent so long causing harm and never ever learned, that he’d refused to confront his own demons and take responsibility for his destructive tendencies, and in the end it had torn their worlds apart. the fire that had made him so passionate, so full of life, so brave, so loving and so devoted had also made him uncontrollably deadly - it’s not hard to imagine that when Remus more than anyone experienced one side so intensely, he could imagine what the other could lead to

I, personally, don’t think even in a manic state Sirius would ever come close to betraying James. but I think that for Remus, a terrified, traumatised 21 year old who’d lost both his parents and his best friends, had spent three years caught up in a war between two sides that both wanted him dead, and had watched his relationship with the love of his life break down in front of him, it’s a realistic conclusion to come to

Conclusion

mental health issues are intrinsically wound up with Sirius’s story and the tragedies he experiences. i think it’s a disservice to his character to overlook them, especially when fic takes only a shallow look at the sadder, messier parts of his life because it has a tendency towards simply trauma porn. bipolar disorder is my particular headcanon, and I’ve detailed a strong argument for it, but there are plenty of other valid interpretations as well. whichever way Sirius is written, though, at least complying somewhat with canon, the impact of mental health on the complexity of his character and story can’t be overlooked

the other side of the coin to this tragedy is the beauty of Sirius’s escape, formation of his relationship with Harry, and his reunion and reconciliation with Remus. Sirius’s fiery mania is turned into a positive, enabling the incredible feats of breaking out of Azkaban, and living on the rough for two years whilst evading the Ministry’s hunt. it also of course sees older, wiser versions of Sirius and Remus who can look their own and each other’s demons in the eye, face up to them with honesty and courage, and build the relationship they should have had all along.

#i am Sad #and deep in my PoA feels #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #bipolar disorder #bipolar sirius black #ch: we choose who we really are #hp #hp meta

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igotanidea · 1 year

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Heal the past: Dick Grayson x f!reader

Summary: Y/n and Dick has no secrets from each other. She is his pillar, strong and reliable and always there for the all the batboys. So, why does her health keep getting worse and what could she possibly keep in the dark?

Warnings: mentions of abuse, past trauma and therapy sessions, apart from that it's fluff/comfort

A/N: another story based loosely on a work case. I hate domestic violence incidents and hereby I dedicate this ff to everyone who has ever experienced one or currenly is - seek help, you can free yourself from that pain and fear. The first step is always the hardest.

„Y/N?”

„Hi there” she slowly turned her gaze towards the door where Dick was standing, eyeing her carefully. She tried her best to cover up for how she was feeling, but she was painfully aware he noticed everything. Her slightly red and puffy eyes, her reddened cheeks, the way she was holding her knees against her chest, rocking back and forth, mere seconds before his entering. He knew she wasn’t all good, there was no point in neither asking nor denying. If anyone was looking for a perfect example of a mess sure as hell she was one.

“How… how was it today?” He dared to take a step in, testing girls’ reaction and since she did not ask him to leave he came even closer, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her.

“Hard.” she managed to say. “But what’s new.” Another attempt at cover-up by using a sad smile.

“Is it a good or a bad sign?” it was so touching how truly concerned he was.

“I … I don’t really know. It’s just a lot to process, you know. The years of trauma and hiding your own feelings and emotions?”

“Believe me, I know well enough” he sighed deeply and she mentally slapped herself. He’s been through a lot as well.

“And yet, between you and me I am the one who was forced to start therapy sessions.”

“You weren’t forced……” he trailed, but she cut him off

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I was offered the chance to work through my past and convinced to accept.”

“Y/n……” he reached for her hand but she retrieved it from his grip, making his face drop a bit.

***

Half a year ago something bad started happening to her. Nightmares, constant fear. She had those symptoms before, but never so strong. It was not because of the fact that she became a part of bat family, taking care of teenage vigilantes and dating one of them. Nope. Surprisingly she was taking that pretty well, all things considered. This was the normal amount of stress. The problem was elsewhere and even though everyone was worried about her, she was just shrugging it off casually pretending she was doing fine. Nonetheless, it took an enormous amount of energy to suppress the shaking hands, calm the breath and not scream out loud when panic attacks creeps in for unknown reason. And then, because of all of this sucking up she started having headaches and later on, migraines, up to point where light was always too bright, and the sounds were always too loud. But she tried her best to survive, act strong and just live on, even if everyone knew something was terribly off. Their premonitions soon turned reality when she fainted in the kitchen. She didn’t even get a chance to wrap her mind around what was happening when out of the blue she got dizzy, the whole world was spinning and she felt as if someone hit her in the back of the head with something extremely heavy.

“Jason…..” she gasped since he was the one closest to her, his eyes immediately focusing on the girl and his expression changing from his natural wry to concern and a bit of fear

“Y/N? What is happening?”

“I’m not…….. I’m not feeling well….” she grabbed the kitchen counter stabilizing herself but it was for nothing “I think…. I’m gonna throw up…”

“Jeez, Y/N, in some other circumstances I would ask you if you are pregnant, but …. hey, come on, don’t plotz on me” thank god, he was quick enough to catch her before she hit the ground yelling for Dick to come quickly.

Grayson wasn’t usually the one to react to Jason commands and it was no different this time. It took three attempts to finally get him to move his butt, and he only did so, because his younger brother pointed out it was about Y/N. Just the mention of her name made Dick sprung out of the couch and rush to the kitchen. Oh, he did not expect to find his love unconscious in Jason’s arms and a lot of feelings flooded him. Confusion of what just happened, terror of whether she was alright and anger, ironically jealousy since Jason was the one to hold her and the unreasonable amount of guilt since because she was his girlfriend it was his duty to care about her and protect her. But all that could wait. She was the priority now. What was important, was checking her medical condition and finding out what caused her fainting. Dick was quick to take her from Jason and scoffing and frowning at his brother carried her to the bed, calling Alfred on the way.

While she was being checked up and still out cold, Dick refused to leave her side for a second, holding her hand in his, caressing her palm and praying silently that everything would turn up fine. He wouldn’t survive if it turned out that she was sick and dying for example. He should have taken better care of her, he shouldn’t have exposed her to so much stress, he should have told her to go see the doctor the second he noticed her health deteriorating. He should have…

“Master Dick?” Luckily, Alfred knew when to step in to stop the boy’s from beating himself up and his mind from spiraling

“Yes, Alfred?”

“She’s going to be all right. There’s no sign of anything suspicious about her organism. Maybe just a little increased blood pressure, but it will pass.”

“Thank God” Dick let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding “Thank you, Alfred.”

“It’s nothing .And … Dick?”

“Hm?” this time the boy did not even bother to look at the older man, his gaze fixed on the girl’s face, gently caressing her cheek, putting a strand of hair behind her ear.

“She’s gonna need some rest. And…. And I think she should see a specialist.”

“A specialist?” now he turned towards the butler “what do you mean?”

“Don’t you see? You know, master Dick for someone so well trained in observation as vigilante, you can be absolutely oblivious in real life. Y/N suffers from anxiety disorder. And maybe, maybe she’s a bit depressed, but I’m not qualified enough to determine that. “

“She’s what?” Dick opened his eyes wide in shock “Why? Why did she never tell me?”

“You will have to ask her about that yourself. I’ll leave you two alone.”

“When will she wake up?” Dick’s voice broke a little and Alfred knew how much strength it took for the boy to hold himself together upon hearing the revelations.

“Can’t really tell, but I suggest you to be patient.”

“Right…. Thank you, Alfred. Will you…. will you stay with her when I go patrolling tonight?”

“Are you crazy?” Jason came inside the room almost yelling at his older brother but quickly calming down when he noticed Y/N pale figure on the bed “You’re not going anywhere. Demon, replacement and me can take of things. She needs you more. Besides, I don’t think you;ll be able to focus on anything and as much I would love to see you beaten up for once, she would kill me if I ever let anything like that happen. Can’t risk her wrath.”

“Her wrath, huh?” Dick smirked

“Yeah. Of course. But… she’s gonna be all right, right? She just looks so weak….”

“We’ll make sure of that.”

“Why did no one tell me y/n lost consciousness?!”

“Father, calm down.”

“How can I calm down Damian? She’s……”

“She needs quiet. I suggest both of you stop yelling!”

“Who’s yelling now, Tim?!”

“Oh, shit….” Dick facepalmed

“I’ll get them out of here.” Jason stated simply

“Yeah, well, good luck with that.”

However, Jason did manage to drag Bruce, Tim and Damian out of the bedroom and forced them to focus on patrol, while Dick just stayed with Y/N. At first he was sitting beside her bed, but after fifteen minutes started getting nervous, pacing around. Why wasn’t she waking up? Alfred said she was fine, but … shit! He ruffled his hair in desperation. It was going to be a long night.

***

He gave up after three hours. He was exhausted from his own thoughts and walking back and forth like no night patrol has ever made him. Defeated by his own body and tiredness he finally laid down next to Y/N, gently sneaking his arms around her pulling her in from behind, nuzzling his face into her neck, hoping she would somehow feel his presence and the love he felt for her. Apart from a single sharp breath when he touched her and a bit of a shift in a position she did nothing more, especially did not wake up. So he just laid there, eyes shot, brows furrowed.

“Please, don’t leave me…..” he whispered against her soft skin.

***

She woke up two hours later, at 2 a.m., but not in the way he was expecting. She sprung out, crying and panting, definitely reliving some crazy nightmare. Her whole body was shaking, petrifaction in her eyes breaking his heart.

“No….” she panted, tears falling down “no, no, no, no, please……” apparently she wasn’t fully awake yet.

“Y/N” he said quietly, not wanting to scare her “It’s ok. It was just a nightmare. You’re safe. I’m here.”

“Di… dick?”

“I’m here, baby” he held her close to his chest, engulfing her in his warm embrace “No one is going to hurt you, I swear.”

“I….”

“Sh. You don’t need to say anything.“ he pulled her in even closer, not sure if he was trying to comfort her of himself. Maybe both. “Unless you want to. Do you want to?”

“No.” she shook her head

“All right then. We can just stay like this.”

“Dick?”

“Hm?” he hummed, stroking her hair and laying back down with her on top of him

“Can you just hold me like this for a while? I … I really need this.”

“Y/N. We’ve been together for like a year now and you still feel the need to ask me about it?”

“You know…. it comes from my past and……”

“Hey, it’s ok. You don’t need to explain. I will hold you for however long you need. And as long as you will allow me to.”

*** Dick knew she needed space, he did. But the nightmare that happened that one night repeated three more times in a row and he had to confront her about it. How could he let her suffer alone like this?

“Y/n, enough is enough.” He stormed into her room, not caring about the closed door

“What are you talking about?” she raised an eyebrow at him

“You need to tell me what is going on with you.”

“Nothing is…..”

“Stop it” he spat and she flinched at the tone. “Sorry, I did not mean it to come out like this” he rubbed his forehead “but I need to know what’s troubling you. I need to know what I can do to make it better…..”

“Dickie….”

“Please…” he whispered placing himself next to her, grabbing her chin softly making her look at him, knowing well enough she would try to avoid his gaze.

“How can I…..?” she gulped “how can I even begin to explain this…..?”

“Baby, it’s me. I love you. You don’t need to hide.”

“But….”

“Listen to me, nothing, nothing you did can make me change my mind about you.”

“But…..”

“I’m here for you.” he whispered kissing her forehead and this simple gesture broke her as she started sobbing, trying extremely hard to muffle it by covering her mouth with the hand. “What’s the nightmare about?”

“It’s… it’s about my father… Shit, it’s so stupid….. I should be over it, it has been so many years since…..”

“Did he do something to you?” Dick’s voice turned a bit more vigilante- like, his eyes glistening with first indications of rage

“He…. He was on short fuse… and…. Many, many times when I said or did something he did not like …..

“Y/N. You need to tell me exactly what did he do to you.”

“He used to beat me up…..” her voice was now barely a whisper “never enough to leave any bruises or cuts though. At least, not physically” she let out a hysterical laugh while still crying

“I’m gonna find him and kill him” Dick hissed, now turning into vigilante, but quickly getting back on earth. It was not right, whatever fury was running inside his veins. He could not comprehend how anyone, let alone man, fuck!, a father could use any aggression on his beloved girl. No wonder she was upset of late

“Dick, please, I’m sorry. I never should have told you. It was so long ago, I really have no idea why this started taking its toll on me now. Maybe it’s because I fell for you and … and I don’t really have good experience with men………. I’m sorry…”

“Why are you sorry? My babygirl. I love you so fucking much, you know it, right?” he pulled her into a hug, kissing her head repeatedly. I would never, never hurt you.” she was shaking hard in his embrace “God. Why did you never tell me this?” she muttered something incoherently, but he did not care about her reasons to keep it secret. “Did he beat your mum too?”

“I… I can’t remember. But to tell the truth, my mum was even worse at times…. She…..” Y/N started hyperventilating “she was more of a vocal aggressor….I… I….”

“Ok, that’s enough. Focus on me, ok? The past is in the past. You are mine to protect and care about and love . Whatever sad story you had, not every man is like your dad. I’m not.”

“I know” she sobbed desperately again “but it just hurts so deep. I never knew….”

“Sh.sh. Don’t worry. We’ll get you help. I promise. I’m not leaving you alone with this.”

And that was how she ended up in weekly meetings with psychologist. At first she was doing everything to avoid the uncomfortable, painful parts of her life. The doctor however was not easily manipulated and after first three meeting she was like a zombie, processing all the emotions extruded for years. Letting someone see them, riffle through them and make her fell apart was a lot. And deep inside she was worried if she could pick up all the pieces and figure out who she was under the surface. But slowly, slowly, she was healing and it was as much because of Dick’s and whole Batfamily support as of her own efforts.

*** Sometimes, there were bad days, obviously, sessions that made her feel broken, vulnerable and helpless. And this was definitely the case today. That was why she isolated herself in her room, putting all the information together in her head. And that was why Dick was a bit hesitant to check on her, but decided to give in and talk to her, hoping she won’t cut him out, but when she yanked her hand he wasn’t sure if it was good idea anymore.

“I’m sorry, Dick. I didn’t mean to give you the air” she looked him into the eyes, cupping his cheek “It’s just an old habit. I know you care about me. I’m… I’m still learning how to be more… open with what I feel. And how to get past my… well, past” she chuckled lightly and it was the best view he could ever see.

“Trust me, I’m learning with you. “ he leaned into her touch “And I need you to know that I’m proud of you.”

“Proud?”

“For putting yourself out there. I know it’s hard.”

“Whatever you say, Mr Nightwing.” She punched his chest

“Is this how you wanna play now, Miss Y/N?” he grabbed her wrist and kissed each of her knuckles, simplicity and tenderness of this gesture making her melt.

“Can you hold me?” she burst out “I need to know you are real and not just a friction of my imagination”

“Come here” he opened his arms and she dived in without any inhibitions. “Real enough for you?”

“I love you, you fool.” She mumbled and he laughed wholeheartedly. She was really healing.

“I love you too Y/N. More and more every day. ”

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hee-blee-art · 16 days

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Have you ever done the whole spidersona thing? Whats your spideysona?

I have! I don't think I've ever posted about them though. it took me ages to dig up these drawings from last year, but here they are:

this is my spideysona! her name is gwaine stacey, aka spiderspiral. she was intended to be a spiderverse/tma character because I thought that would be fun, she is an avatar of the spiral that got mixed up venom-style with a creature of the web, which gives her a lot more detriments than powers, including random teleportation / dimension-shifting. in her story, her friend paige parker was tortured and eventually killed by a monster of the web, and when gwaine got wrapped up in that business she ended up weirdly linked with the web monster that killed paige. so she's a servant of two horror entities and is never in a stable reality, which as one can imagine is quite the toll. she tries to do good hero-y stuff when she can to off-set the guilt around the fear she incites for the web and the spiral, but that gets complex very quickly, and it would be difficult to consider her even an anti-hero, but she tries to be a good person.

here she is with the sona I made for my partner, perry parker aka mindweaver! perry is a neuroscience student that accidentally stumbles upon a rogue professor doing secret experimentation with mind-control fungus on insects and arachnids, and gets bit by a spider test subject that escaped and gains thrall / limited mind control among other spidey powers. the professor becomes their nemesis when he discovers perry's mutation and proceeds to human testing with the fungus on himself, which makes him into a mushroom monster. perry and the professor become psychically linked through the fungus to the point of feeling each other's pain, and perry has to find a way to stop the professor before the fungus gets completely out of control and/or kills them both.

gwaine ends up in perry's dimension accidentally during one of her random teleportations and grows very attached to them. perry is able to create a mental link between the two of them strong enough that gwaine can use it as a tether to teleport back to them when she gets lost, which is immensely helpful in stabilizing her whole situation, and the two of them fall in love :)

thanks so much for asking! I had almost forgot about them til now, but I like them a lot

#art #spidersona #spideysona #tma #the magnus archives #spiderverse #atsv #itsv #character design #spiderspiral #gwaine stacey #mindweaver #perry parker #oc #ocs #sonas #asks

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blue-chimera · 7 months

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Sam's Gap Year (Season 8) — Part 2

A lot of fans had a huge problem with Sam's actions between S7 & S8. Was it believable for Sam to "abandon" his brother? Was it selfish?

In Pt 1 of this analysis, I made the case that Sam believed he was leaving Dean in Heaven & I laid out the rational basis for that belief. Given that belief, Sam's decision not to try to "retrieve" Dean's soul is a healthy, logical one, and one that aligns with Sam's philosophy regarding the natural order. However, Sam's reaction to Dean's death is not purely a logical reaction. Sam doesn't just "calmly reason" his way to the conclusions he comes to — that's not the way anyone processes hugely emotional situations like this. Part of Sam's response is rooted in the reasoning & philosophy I described before, sure, but part of Sam's response is also rooted in trauma.

Pt 1 of this analysis defends Sam's actions from a logical standpoint. Pt 2 of this analysis, then, defends Sam's actions from an illogical standpoint. That is to say, it understands Sam's actions as shaped by trauma, as not purely rational, as a response to brutalizing fear & pain that we might empathize with.

How Do We Know that Sam is Traumatized?

You might recall that, by this point in S7, Sam & Dean had experienced several extremely destabilizing events together, including the death of Bobby (the closest thing they had to a father after John), months without the Impala (the closest thing they had to a home), and a public smear campaign during which the Leviathans assumed their identities (stealing even their very faces), a level of violation it's difficult to imagine (although one hearkens back to Dean in S1:E6 "Skin," saying, "The guy's walking around with my face... It's a little personal").

Prior to this, Sam had also experienced a staggering amount of mental & physical trauma alone, in the Cage, which had just come back to him at the beginning of S7 and which was intense enough to land him in a psych ward in S7:E17. In E17, when Castiel "heals" Sam by taking on the worst of his insanity, the result is that Sam is cured of his hallucinations and once again able to sleep. He no longer has to question reality; he's no longer trapped in a loop of his own suffering. This doesn't mean that he's forgotten the Cage, though, or that it doesn't still haunt him. And it doesn't mean he's fully "himself" again: back to the same level of confidence, independence, & general mental/emotional stability he previously possessed.

So, when Dean is suddenly & unexpectedly ripped away from him — Dean, who Sam had (at Dean's own insistence) "made the first stone" — Sam is lost. He's completely and utterly adrift. He has nothing, no one. There's not even a body to burn. And so, without an anchor of any kind, without a plan — without even the vague dream of a plan — he runs. He gets in the car and just drives.

This is not Sam calmly weighing his options and deciding that a life outside of hunting is the most fulfilling for him. This isn't Sam deciding to go back to school for his own gratification, or thoughtfully pondering what options are available to him in the civilian world. This is Sam operating on auto-pilot, his fight-or-flight impulse taking the wheel. That's how he ends up doing handyman work at a crappy motel in the middle of nowhere and shacking up with someone just as messed-up as he is. That's how he ends up ditching all of his phones. And that's how he ends up ditching even that relationship to go back on the road. (Because, remember, he doesn't leave Amelia because Dean is back — he doesn't find out that Dean is back until after he leaves Amelia.)

So, to the folks who describe Sam's reaction to Dean's disappearance as "crazy," well... you're right. It is crazy. But Sam is a little crazy at this point. He doesn't make the same decisions between S7 & S8 that he did between S3 & S4, or that he eventually would at the end of S9 or S10. He's not the same person here as he is there. And he's clearly not proud of the fact that he broke & ran, that it ended up meaning that Kevin suffered more than he needed to, or that Dean (possibly) spent longer in Purgatory than he might've otherwise. He knows it wasn't purely a rational decision. He knows he could've been smarter or stronger, braver or more heroic or whatever, and he blames himself for his failure. But we viewers should have enough distance to grasp the fact that being broken doesn't mean that Sam wasn't strong, smart, brave, heroic... it just means that he was human. We all have breaking points. At the end of S7, Sam is broken. But he eventually gets back on his feet. And he goes on to save a lot of lives.

So, do I blame Sam for breaking at the end of S7? Hell no. No more than I blame Dean for falling into despair & planning to say "yes" to the angels in S5. The brothers have suffered more than most folks could dream of. If anyone has earned the occasional mental breakdown, it's these guys.

#Very Important Reminder #sam winchester #supernatural #spn #character analysis #spn meta #understanding sam winchester

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human-sweater-vest · 9 months

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okay so we’ve seen glenn and ron so far in season two and they’ve been kind of what I expected.

glenn is pretty much the same as he was season one. it makes sense, he’s set in his whole thing, he’s vibing in hell with morgan and is sporting the same chill stoner vibes as before. the notable thing with him was that there wasn’t really animosity between him and nick (which also makes sense given their whole deal in season one). he’s always been far removed and it makes sense that in season two he’s still rockin with it.

ron then was a really touching surprise because he continued to grow as a person (insert beth may snickering here). he connected easily with scary and hit me like a fucking freight train with the line about him being sorry that she didn’t realize that losing terry jr. was her loss too. he’s this strange intermediary between the men in their family because willy took advantage of her needing someone to validate her pain, terry jr. was seen as a cause of it and therefore couldn’t help ease it truly (until things were too late), and then ron is here being his odd little self and extends sympathy to her because he also lost terry jr. and can understand. kudos to beth for ep. 41 because she rode the line between comedy and genuinely heartfelt and deep emotional moments like a champ.

and now here’s where we turn to speculation:

I’ve seen a lot of folks saying they’re worried about henry (and I feel like he’s probably going to warrant that because duh, it all comes back to the oak family when it comes to the doodler). however! my first point here is that we shouldn’t ignore darryl.

I feel like we see the most thought going into the oaks (and again, rightfully so, will and anthony are serving us trauma and drama on a platter) and I think one of the sacrifices with that comes at the extent of the wilson boys. the darryl/grant arc was the first time I really, truly got what dndads was all about. specifically, matt’s incredible line where darryl is replying to the other dads saying that he should showcase vulnerability to grant with darryl snapping and saying that he can’t be fully honest because he’s putting on a brave face because he doesn’t know if they’ll make it out and if he and carol will even stay together if they do. that line then contrasted later when he says that if grant asks him a question he’ll do his best to answer truthfully which allows for the big emotional connection they were lacking.

the wilson father/son relationship hinges on the idea of not being able to love the pain away and we see that extend into the next generation in a deeply tragic way. grant can’t make his mental illness magically disappear by loving his son despite how badly he clearly wants to. he can’t “we’ll talk about it later” his way into a healthy relationship where he’s able to offer his son both stability and truth. he’s fucked up and traumatized and never fully dealt with things and he’s dealing with the ramifications.

so how do we think darryl feels about that? how do we think darryl would feel knowing that he couldn’t love away grant’s mental illness (which isn’t something you can do, but he feels immensely guilty about in season one) and seeing the disastrous effect it had on the relationship between his son and grandson to the point where linc no longer refers to him as a dad? I personally really do think that he’ll act as a balm between the two and finally provide that space for them to become father and son again.

there’s truly so much I could say on the wilson family because I’m fascinated by the transition between the most stereotypically masculine family dynamic to a queered one (in both senses of the world) and how the thru line for the generations is this idea of not being able to 1. disclose the truth out of a sense of protection (see: frank hiding his marital and monetary issues, darryl hiding his martial issues and fear of not surviving faerun, and grant hiding who he is and what he does) and 2. love away the pain/illness.

and now we turn to the oak boys. I’m operating on the assumption that henry will be the last dad that they seek out because 1. glenn and terry jr. are in the same spot which means we get a two for one combo deal in hell 2. lark and sparrow clearly have a bad or at the very least strained relationship with their dad and will be less likely to jump on seeking him out and 3. the oak family started the whole doodler thing in this show so it makes sense that they’ll end it.

and for the sake of transparency: here’s where my bias comes through. henry was my favorite season one dad. normal is my favorite season two kid. will campos if you’re reading this, I want you to know that if I could simultaneously give you an academy award and sue you for emotional damages, I would.

the oaks have the most literal device explaining their generational trauma. hildy was ripped from her world after her companions were brutally killed in front of her, barry is a piece of shit, henry has the weight of both his father and having to be a father despite not having a role model, lark and sparrow are fucked up beyond belief in a manner of ways that starts at fucking their twin’s spouse and ends with starting the literal apocalypse. and then there’s normal. bearing the brunt of it all when he wasn’t even given the support to. he’s been carrying the weight of expectation since birth. his sister is hero, he’s normal and yet he’s anything but. that’s a whole other essay (catch me writing that when it’s not 2am).

back to the twins and henry though. from their view it’s bad right? lark hates his dad and destroyed the world. sparrow was an accomplice. I can’t imagine that things were easy after the doodler was released in the oak-garcia household. ESPECIALLY — and this has had me uncomfortable since we learned it offhand in episode 29 of the season — because henry and mercedes had another kid. first things first (and this might just be a me and my cultural background thing), but a minimum decade age gap between your first and second kids is A Lot. especially given the context here that henry struggles with being a father for the aforementioned reasons and his children literally Ended The World. I dunno about you but I think that I’d avoid having more kids at pretty much all costs at that point. but he and mercedes don’t. and hey maybe birdie/birdy was an accident. but my suspicion here (and I very much might be reading too deep into something mentioned in a literal “see you again” parody) is that birdie was a second chance kid. which would fucking blow if you were the aforementioned dad-stabbing—eldritch-creature-releasing child because it would look like your dad had gone “okay well that didn’t work out I can’t find a way to make these kids work so let’s try another one” which would justify the distance and dislike of henry from both of the boys.

I’m a very big fan of henry. he’s fucked up in the exact way I like my fictional men and also reminds me of guys from the city I grew up in which is both appalling and endearing. however, this is absolutely a move I could see him justifying to himself which morally makes me wanna walk into the sea and from a character/story standpoint makes me wanna jump up and down in glee. I really, truly am hoping that things pan out like that and we see a henry who loves his beautiful boys very deeply, but also gave up on them in exchange for a do-over.

I’m especially excited to see how he interacts with normal because my first instinct based on season one without my fucked up and evil birdie theory is that he’ll love normal and make him feel special and seen while my second post-birdiegate instinct is that he’s just not going to care anymore and therefore do fuck-all for normal. he has the energy of a man who eventually just stops trying because he can’t ever make everything better. will campos, if you deliver on that, I’ll figure out how to sneak the oak family into an academic paper.

finally (for now), I’m predicting that the familial reunions will reflect the how the anchors broke. glenn, ron, and darryl will be love while henry will be hate. I think there’s a lot of possibility there that I can break down when it’s not almost 3am. thanks for reading! lmk what you think, I really want to discuss this with folks and get your takes!!

#yes! the formatting is whack! I’ll clean it in the morning!#dndads #oh dndads you make me so silly #I sit down and go hmm I like the new arc set up and suddenly it’s two hours later and I’ve written 1500 words about it #sponsored by adhd and brain rot #dungeons and daddies #big ol ramblings on #henry oak #lark oak #sparrow oak #darryl wilson #grant wilson #if any of the daddies see this #know that my promise at the end to will is true and I’ll go through with it and @ y’all #dndads season 2 #gonna trademark birdiegate #cheers

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lets-talk-spirituality · 8 months

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Let’s Talk About: The Root Chakra

The root chakra is the first chakra, associated with the color red, and rules your tailbone, feet and glutes (the part of you that touches the ground when you walk or sit).

The root chakra governs your groundedness and feeling safe in your body and environment. It’s what helps you feel rooted and stabilized. It quite literally roots your energy into the planetary grid. Think of your root chakra as the metal conductors on a plug and how when you connect it to the wall socket a flow of energy is formed. That’s how the root chakra works with your own energy.

Root Chakra Blockages

Blockages can occur when your safety is threatened—abuse, physical assaults, being stalked, living around unstable people or in unstable conditions, to name a few. Or when your space, autonomy, or rights are violated—sexual assault or similar things.

You may also struggle with root chakra imbalances if you struggle to ground your energy through your full system, ie your energy is sort of stuck in the crown. That’s why spiritual people say it’s important to ground yourself. You can get so crown heavy you disconnect from your body and struggle to move or operate it. This has happened to me.

As a naturally spiritual person, I actually struggle to move my energy down to my root. Especially because my way of dealing with not feeling safe was to escape into daydreams or to go find somewhere to hide alone. I’m used to keeping my energy up higher, in my crown and third eye, where it’s safer. As I’ve been healing I’ve consciously been pushing my energy down. It usually gets blocked starting at throat chakra then down.

Signs of Root Chakra Imbalances:

— feeling spacy or unable to focus (struggling to ground the energy from your mind)

— feeling separate from your body or dissociation (struggling to ground due to a disconnect in your flow of energy through your energetic field)

— feeling paranoid about your safety, or like thinking people are out to get you, being so worried about someone breaking into your house, etc. (not grounding into the safety of this now moment via your mental body)

— shutting down, if you freeze or shut down in response to conflict or other triggering, this is a sign of root chakra imbalance at the point of entry of the root chakra

— anxiety, aka excessive fear about things outside of your now moment

— lower back pain or feet and ankle issues

How to Heal Your Root Chakra:

— somatic exercise, specifically yoga around hip opening exercises, and thigh stretching, stretching of the glutes, this can carry a lot of trauma associated with the root chakra

— eating root vegetables

— walking barefoot on the ground

— sitting and meditating on the ground, connect the palms of your hands to the ground and imagine energy flowing up through you from all the skin contact you make with the ground, lying down will be the most contact

— spending time outside

— eating heavy food or wearing heavy clothes (since root chakra imbalances struggle to ground you, eating things or wearing things that add weight can force you down too—that’s how weighted blankets work. They weigh the person down so they can feel more safe when they are having anxiety aka a root chakra imbalance because anxiety is rooted in fears that are usually not present at the moment

— building muscle, again adds weight and can make you feel more grounded in your body

— surround yourself with the color red and things that light you up with passion

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slocumjoe · 1 year

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Do you have any random headcanons about any of the comapnions that you want to get off your chest?

Oh, 100%. A lot of this is mostly inter-personal headcanons, how they react to each other. Very found-family based, heavily pushing my "Hancock and Danse become besties" agenda. Less based on the individual. Oh, and follows the "all move to Sanctuary" thing, so people who don't like that might not buy in to this.

Companion Headcanon Grab-bag

Cait; Really confused about her sexuality internally. Has changed her mind on her labels so many times. Is she gay? Bi? Pan? Straight? Ace? Sex-repulsed? Hypersexual? She likes sex sometimes and other times she hates the concept. What's her type of person, if any? What does she want out of a relationship? Just sex? What would she need in a partner? Tries to not think about it, so damn confusing. Just follows her whims. Would get on great with an elder queer person, really needs some guidance there. Also, has a fear of monkeys, apes, etc. Jangle toys and those cymbal monkeys. Fucking horrifying.

Codsworth; Babies the other companions like a mom. Putters around the bunkhouse making sure Piper eats something before she's out the door, cleaning up after Hancock's midnight snack, picking MacCready's coat off the back of a chair, hovering to block Danse's view of the coffee pot as Nick adds honey and sugar for him specifically. It's one house with a dozen adults of questionable emotional and mental stability. It's a robot butler's Olympics. Outside of the others...has spent two centuries trying to kill one single radroach. Its the same one, he's sure of it. It lives under the bridge and appears only under a full moon. It is his mortal enemy.

Curie; The most intimidating girl in the bunkhouse, not Cait. Because Curie doesn't put up with any bullshit. You look pale, come here and let—come here and let her feel your forehead. Too hot, you're taking the day off. She'll make you some tea—no, Danse, she doesn't care if that one joint on your Power Armor is bugging you. Bed. Does she need to go get Nick? She'll get Nick. Excellent! What kind of tea would you like? Curie is very sweet and caring, but she’s a hardass when it comes to the health of her compatriots. And you can't just...refuse. Maybe you could, but...no one's ever tried. Even Gage gives up once she smiles and tilts her head, but narrows her eyes. Fucking Gage.

Danse; You can tell he's feeling under the weather, be it mental or physical, if he hides from Curie. Danse ends up getting on pretty well with Hancock, Nick, Cait, and Preston once he's better from BB. Hancock reminds him a lot of Cutler, in some ways. Cait reminds him of many Initiates, hotheaded and eager but lost on their place in the world. Nick mentors him on the synth thing, and he and Preston are very similar. Once he's mostly adjusted from everything, adopts a...questionable wardrobe, things he would have worn in the Brotherhood if not for the uniform. Adores gaudy, odd-patterned shirts, bright colors.

Deacon; After the Institute is dealt with, by any means, and he has something of a support group with Sole and the others...goes back to Deacon. Its hard, it takes a lot of time, but he stops the home-grown identity crisis. He grows his hair out again, gets a charming grey-red stubble. Still likes costumes and such, but he tries to stay the one person, not fake anything. Again, very difficult. But he tries. Has an odd kinship with X6-88. X6-88 tries to figure out his identity, Deacon tries to relearn his. Also gets along better with Danse and Hancock, understands the "who am I" thing. But the real pals? Deacon and Jun Long. Jun's hype man. Gets what he went through; University Point was destroyed long after Deacon left, but that was still his home. And losing his son...Deacon respects that Jun kept chugging. Tries to help him regain his confidence.

Gage; This is a domesticated Gage, as much as Gage can be domesticated. Always has a horrific story that he likes to pepper into conversations. Deacon tries to one-up him, but Gage always wins, partially because Gage is telling the whole-ass truth. Never says anything about himself, though. Socially hovers around Longfellow, really curious about all of his stories. But Gage keeps his distance far, faaaar from everyone else. Marcy Long swung a folding chair at him, his first day visiting Sanctuary. Thinks little of Preston at first, but the moment he notices that they're almost the same person, just on the other side of the coin, has a crisis. Catches himself not criticizing Preston at one point, when he could have, and has to start a fistfight with him to feel better. Gets along great with Shaun and other local kids, who are into his raider stories. Marcy keeps hunting him for sport, though, so he only has a few minutes to talk before a rake goes for the other eye.

Hancock; Opinion of Danse does a complete flip the very second Danse apologizes. Hancock rubbed it all in his face, took schadenfreude in it. Then Danse's mental health dissolved into goo, and it stopped being funny. And then Hancock felt like fucking shit when the racist technofacist was the bigger man who felt terrible looking back on everything. It took time for their relationship to go from hostile, to civil, to friendly, but Hancock is basically a sphinx cat that wants to drape himself over Danse and cuddle all day. Danse, for his part, is grateful that Hancock could forgive him at all. Also, considers MacCready a brother, no exaggeration. Bobby is his little brother, Duncan is his nephew, blood be damned. It's good for him, after what happened with McDonough. Still refuses to process that. He never was on good terms with him, anyway, but...nope, not thinking about it. Doesn't do chems around Duncan, knows Bobby is iffy about it.

MacCready; Really didn't want to introduce Hancock to Duncan, for fear of Duncan having some...lingering memories about Ghouls. Nope. Duncan loves Uncle John to the moon and back. If Hancock isn't hugging on Danse, he's hugging on Duncan. Also befriends Jun, though he feels some guilt at his baby having survived. MacCready spends a lot of his downtime trying to educate himself, reads. Does those school workbooks if he can find them. Is really entertained by the notes left from the students using them, then gets miserable when he thinks about what happened to them. Incredible at any accuracy-based game. Don't challenge this man to ping-pong.

Nick; Resident therapist. Has, in earnest, considered installing a confessions box in the bunkhouse. Just when he thinks he's heard the worst of their lives, Hancock will remember that his brother buried him alive, or Piper mentions that her dad kept twitching at the funeral as they burned him, or Gage says one sentence about an ex-boyfriend. Then he reminds himself, yeah, these kids are Traumatized with a capital T. Wishes he could drink. Has a list of people to check on in order of priority, every week. Preston is first, Gage is last. Both reasons being, both have so many issues, but won't talk about them. Bangs his head on a wall when he notices this. Sits with Codsworth some afternoons and they share a private nervous breakdown. Has considered getting a gen 3 body, but...he'd want a custom, not someone else's, like Curie's situation. And not like OG Nick, either. Himself. Whatever that looks like.

Piper; Not over her parents dying and never will be. She was 14 when her dad died. Mom died giving birth to Nat. Had to be a mom, and then a mom and a dad, when she herself was a kid, still. Clings to the newspaper because it was all she had, her only power as a little girl alone in the Commonwealth with a toddler. Things get easier, but never less painful. Relocating to Sanctuary made things a bit better, especially since McDonough couldn't threaten to throw them out anymore. Jumped and screamed in place when she was proven right about him. Stopped when she noticed Hancock upset. Continued when she was out of his view, but quieter. Befriends everyone to some extent, but Gage. Gage has some...irritating opinions on the press, chief being, "Hey, you got everyone to kill each other, sounds like. What, that weren't the goal?"

No. What kind of name is Porter, anyway? Ugh.

Preston; So much pent up anger and frustration. Will never let it out. The restraint it takes to keep from maiming Gage like a fucking alligator could hold up the Prydwen if made a physical force. Very confused on what Gage thinks of him, though. Seems to change daily. But hey, he's always down to throw Gage out of a window. 10/10 way to spend an afternoon, eagerly looking forward to next time. Goes drinking with Danse often. Keeps an eye on Nick, sends Sturges his way if he starts making odd noises when he moves. Tries to keep some distance from the others. He lost people he thought family on Quincy...and some them, they didn't die. That was the bitterest thing of all, that they lived before anyone else.

X6-88; Has an interest in art but loathe to act on it. Very attached to his coat. Had a father figure in the Institute, was his personal servant. That man was killed by a rogue synth. X6-88 joined the courser program after the funeral. Protective of Shaun, ends up being popular with his child friends/classmates, who are all curious about the tall, dark man who doesn't speak much but holds Shaun's hand. Privately, X6-88 considered himself a child, young, once. Shaun is literally a child synth. That has to be confusing, being the ghost of dead man, made for his living parent. Dislikes Gage the most, dislikes Piper and Danse the least. Learns to respect Preston, even if he disagrees on his philosophies; at least someone on the top was trying to restore the world, even if it wasn't quite working. Has a fondness for sour apple candy.

#fo4 #fallout 4 #paladin danse #preston garvey #piper wright #nick valentine #x6-88 #robert joseph maccready #companions react #porter gage #codsworth

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starryhologram · 10 months

Text

CCCC SCP AU MASTER POST

AKA I put Whole in the electric chair and everybody loved it

and renamed him Simon.

DISCLAIMER: This AU handles imaginary medical malpractice and imagery of outdated and misuse of execution and medical equipment and procedures. Real medical practice should not be demonized and feared. Also this does not follow any actual SCP Lore, it is only simply used as a base/jumping off point for my evil science fiction experiments.

SCP-3775

Item #: SCP-3775

Object Class: Euclid

Status: Contained Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3775 does not require any specific or strict containment procedures. If SCP-3775 begins to show any signs of distress or erratic behavior, SCP-3775 is to be moved to a 5m x 5m room while awaiting medical examination.

N/A See Addendum 3775-008, 3775-013, and 3775-019

SCP-3775 is to be contained within three conjoined 5m x 5m rooms. It is to be kept alive whether in state 3775-A or 3775-B. In state 3775-A SCP-3775 is to be monitored at all times to determine mental stability. SCP-3775 is to be kept physically restrained to a specially built wooden chair and electrocuted through electrodes fastened on the head through a screwed metal halo.

In state 3775-B three separate instances of SCP-3775 must be monitored.

Addendum 3775-008: SCP-3775-008 is to be kept alive with minimal monitoring but must be kept in the room furthest from SCP-3775-013. Failure to comply with containment procedures of SCP-3775-008 will result in potential harm to SCP-3775-013.

Addendum 3775-013: SCP-3775-013 is to be kept alive with moderate monitoring. SCP-3775-013 is permitted to interact within the same room as SCP-3775-019 under personnel supervision.

Addendum 3776-019: SCP-3775-019 is to be kept alive with strict and constant monitoring. Personnel assigned to SCP-3775-019 are instructed to wear protective noise cancelling headphones when interacting with SCP-3775-019. Personnel are instructed to not listen to any vocalizations from SCP-3775-019 under any circumstances. Other means of communication are permitted.

Description: In state 3775-A SCP-3775 appears to be an average white human male in his early twenties with curly black hair and brown eyes. Subject has been measured at 178 cm in height. Subject was born 20?? on ??????? ??th. Subject has no known living relatives at this time.

In state 3775-B, three instances of SCP-3775 exist.

SCP-3775-008 appears similar to SCP-3775 with exceptions such as missing eyes, replaced by hollow sockets which allow abnormal purple veins and bone structures to be exposed. Subject’s hair seems to become dyed purple towards the ends. Subject has irremovable purple coloration on its lips as well.

SCP-3775-013 appears similar to SCP-3775 with exceptions such as a total of five eyes that faintly glow a light blue color. Subject also features a luminescent organ similar to that of an esca as seen on the body of an Anglerfish. Subject’s hair seems to become dyed blue towards the ends. Subject has irremovable blue coloration on its lips as well.

SCP-3775-019 appears similar to SCP-3775 with exceptions such as what appears to be scar tissue along the right half of its body with epidermal red dots clustered around joints and around the eyes. Subject’s right eye is abnormal with a grey sclera and white iris and pupil. Subject’s left sclera is white with a red iris and black pupil. Subject’s hair seems to become dyed red towards the ends. Subject has irremovable red coloration on its lips as well.

Subject’s vocalizations sounds similar to that of an autotuned version of SCP-3775’s. It is hypnotic and [REDACTED]. Like one would imagine an [REDACTED] to sound like. It is impossible to resist to do as he commands.

SCP-3775-019 has been modified to have a welded metal muzzle to its face to prevent auditory vocal noise from coming from the subject.

History and Past Proceedings: The Foundation became aware of SCP-3775 due to widespread video circulation of music the subject created. Audience and viewers became enraptured with the music and upon listening were unable to function properly without the music playing in a conscious audio range.

Once obtained and studied, it appears no process in which SCP-3775 creates music is abnormal to that of any other modern musician.

After a prolonged period of time spent at the SCP Facility, SCP-3775 began to become distressed and showed signs of mental health decline, similar to that of severe clinical depression. Once the subject had hit a peak in its mental instability, it began to physically split into three instances of itself. This state shall be referred to as State 3775-B, the prior singular instance of SCP-3775 will be referred to as State 3775-A.

Accessing Past Data Records…

Old Survey Data Found…

Please fill out this Mandatory Personnel Survey if you have 1) Come into contact with SCP-3775 or any of its instances. 2) Listened to any audio/tonal/musical recordings created by SCP-3775.

Have you listened to any music created by SCP-3775 in the past 12 hours? Example Given: [CORRUPTED FILE CANNOT BE RECOVERED] ▫️Yes ▫️No ▫️I’m not sure Have you experienced any of the following symptoms upon listening to audio/tonal/musical recordings created by SCP-3775? ▫️Strong or irresistible urge to replay recording. ▫️Mental and/or physical inability to complete activities without auditory sensory input created by SCP-3775 ▫️Lapse in cognitive functions in favor of activities relating to SCP-3775, its instances or its music. ▫️Strong or irresistible urge to seek others affected by SCP-3775’s music. ▫️Mental fatigue that can only be cured by listening to SCP-3775’s music.

Do you grant permission for Foundation Personnel Staff to use your physical and psychological anatomical resources for further research of SCP-3775? Risks may include threat of bodily/emotional/mental harm. ▫️Yes ▫️No If Yes, please send additional information regarding Name, Address, Age, and other relevant details to [HYPERLINK NOT FOUND]

Thank you for completing this Mandatory Personnel Survey

S.C.P. Secure. Contain. Protect.

Accessing Past Data Record…

Audio Transcript File Found…

SCP-3775_Interview_15/11/2022.txt Interview Personnel (IP): “Interview recording date November 15th, 2022, 3:23 PM. Audio recording of [DATA_EXPUNGED] interview with SCP-3775.” SCP-3775: “You can call me [DATA_EXPUNGED] you know.” IP: “It is for easier assessment and research purposes that we identify you by your item number.” SCP-3775: Exhales forcefully. “I’m not a [EXPLETIVE] item.” %Sounds of shuffling.% IP: “Regardless, I simply need to have you do a test for me.” SCP-3775: “Fine.” IP: “I have here with me an ordinary electronic piano keyboard. Would you please demonstrate how you play it?” %Sounds of shuffling.% %A short melody is played on a keyboard.% IP: “What song was that?” SCP-3775: “It’s called The Mind Electric, its by a band I like.” IP: “Does it have lyrics?” SCP-3775: “Yeah, do you want me to sing it?” IP: “Please.” %The audio recording cuts out for a few moments.% IP: “Thank you. You play very well.” SCP-3775: “Yeah, thanks.” %Silence.% SCP-3775: “Are we done here? Can I go home?” IP: “We have to make sure the music you create- and yourself as a being- are safe to be interacted with. Do you know how your music affects people?” SCP-3775: “What? What’s so strange about people affected by my music?” IP: “Listeners tend to become irrationally obsessed with your music.” SCP-3775: “What? That isn’t even weird! Plus- what about all those musicians more popular than me? With obsessive fans! I can’t be the only one!” IP: “Please, calm down, it is for your safety that we study and assess this situation and that we take all precautions necessary for the best results.” SCP-3775: “No! I want to go home. You can’t keep me here!” IP: “End of interview recording.” Pause Play Time 5:54/5:54

Accessing Past Data Records…

Surveillance Notes Found…

SCP-3775_Surveillance_21/11/2022.txt No audio recording is provided alongside footage. Documentation Start Time 13:46:23 13:46:23 SCP-3775 is pacing the room. 13:53:12 SCP-3775 moves to sit on the bed. 13:53:40 SCP-3775 begins grasping at its sleeves in a self-soothing way. 13:58:25 SCP-3775 lays down on the bed in a fetal position. 14:01:32 [DATA EXPUNGED] enters the room. SCP-3775 makes no notion to acknowledge this. 14:01:58 [DATA EXPUNGED] stands next to the bed and looks down at SCP-3775. 14:02:45 [DATA EXPUNGED] calmly communicates verbally with SCP-3775. 14:03:00 SCP-3775 yells angrily in response. 14:03:03 [DATA EXPUNGED] retreats away from the bed defensively. His hands are open in a symbol of non threatening behavior. 14:03:05 SCP-3775 does not calm down, continues yelling, begins to grow more agitated. 14:03:07 [DATA EXPUNGED] makes his way towards the door. 14:03:11 SCP-3775 has stopped yelling. 14:03:12 [DATA EXPUNGED] yells back a short declaration assertively. 14:03:15 [DATA EXPUNGED] leaves the room. 14:03:20 SCP-3775 begins to cry violently, returning to its previous position on the bed. 14:19:53 SCP-3775 has stopped crying. 14:20:01 SCP-3775 stares at the ceiling. 14:45:27 SCP-3775 falls asleep. End notes of interest.

Accessing Past Data Records

Surveillance Notes Found…

SCP-3775_Surveillance_25/11/2022.txt Audio transcript provided alongside footage. Documentation Start Time 18:37:15 18:37:15 SCP-3775 sits on its bed, holding itself tightly while breathing heavily. 18:37:20 SCP-3775 lets out a scream of desperation. 18:37:26 SCP-3775 begins to move erratically. 18:37:38 [DATA EXPUNGED] enters the room. 18:37:40 [DATA EXPUNGED]: “Hey! What are-.” 18:37:41 SCP-3775 screams again. 18:37:43 [DATA EXPUNGED] draws a stunning device. 18:37:44 The visual feed cuts out. [DATA EXPUNGED] screams. 18:38:07 The visual feed is restored. Four figures are now in the room. Three look like SCP-3775. [DATA EXPUNGED] is lying on her back on the ground. She stands up slowly. 18:38:10 The Red SCP-3775 clone (?) points at [DATA EXPUNGED]. “Get out.” It says 18:38:11 [DATA EXPUNGED] leaves the room hurriedly. 18:38:20 Red SCP-3775 looks to Blue SCP-3775 and Purple SCP-3775. It says “Well, you two look fine. We should get out of here.” Blue SCP-3775 and Purple SCP- 3775 nod accordingly. 18:38:30 The three SCP-3775s leave the room. Access of hallway cameras denied. 18:57:04 Only the Red SCP-3775 is dragged back into the room by multiple personnel wearing noise canceling headphones. 18:57:47 Red SCP-3775 is restrained with a loose straight jacket and a high tech deafening muzzle with red armature limbs attached. 18:57:53 Red SCP-3775 begins kicking the Personnel. 18:57:55 Personnel tazes Red SCP-3775. 18:57:56 The visual feed cuts out. 18:58:20 The visuals feed returns. SCP-3775-A is sitting where Red SCP-3775 was, but is no longer wearing the muzzle or straight jacket. 18:58:30 Personnel leave. End notes of interest.

Accessing Past Data Records…

Surveillance Notes Found…

SCP-3775_Surveillance_08/12/2022.txt Log following updated securement protocols of SCP-3775 in State 3775-A. Audio transcript provided alongside footage. 06:03:02 SCP-3775-A is put into a medically induced unconscious state while sleeping. 06:20:07 Six metal screws are drilled into SCP-3775-A’s skull. 06:30:35 A metal halo is fastened to the screws. 06:48:24 SCP-3775-A is placed into a wooden chair with metal conductors attached to the top. 06:50:46 SCP-3775-A is secured with leather straps to the chair, and the conductor is mounted to the metal halo. 06:51:13 SCP-3775-A is removed from the medically induced unconscious state, but does not wake up immediately. 07:12:41 SCP-3775-A begins to wake. 07:13:03 SCP-3775-A pulls at it restraints. “Hey.” It says. “Hey, what the [EXPLETIVE]?” It then seems to notice the metal halo, and reacts in horror. “Holy [EXPLETIVE] [EXPLETIVE]. What the [EXPLETIVE] have you done to me? What the [EXPLETIVE]?” It continues to curse under its breath and begins to cry. 07:13:40 Three Foundation Personnel wearing noise cancelling headphones and general protective gear enter the room, and silently give a signal to an observing personnel not present in the room. 07:13:45 The lights flicker as the chair is activated. SCP-3775-A screams. 07:13:47 A terrible ripping sound is heard, like flesh being torn. It is difficult to describe what happens to SCP-3775-A’s body. It appears as though it is turned inside out. It begins at the chest area and folds outwards. The chair disappears alongside SCP-3775-A as SCP-3775-B emerge. The three look just as horrified as SCP-3775-A. 07:14:09 The three personnel move to detain each instance of SCP-3775-B, removing SCP-3775-008 (Purple) and SCP-3775-013 (Blue) and remove them immediately, placing them in a separate room. 07:15:10 SCP-3775-019 (Red) stands alone in the room with one last Personnel.

07:15:20 The Personnel speaks, as SCP-3775-019 is still wearing the muzzle and loose straight jacket. “You would find it wise to not be any trouble. You are here for the safety of the world, and we will not hesitate to cut your tongue if necessary.” 07:15:25 The Personnel leaves, 07:15:50 SCP-3775-019 sits down on the ground and stares into the wall. This continues for several hours. End notes of interest.

Accessing Updated Data Records…

Experiment Notes Found…

SCP-3775_Experiment_26/07/2023.txt Documentation Start Time 20:14:46 20:14:46 SCP-3775 is administered a sedative, causing it to lose consciousness. 20:14:50 Personnel enter SCP-3775’s containment cell, remove it from its chair and place it on a metal operating table. 20:15:02 [REDACTED] prepares SCP-3775 for incision. 20:15:33 [REDACTED] opens SCP-3775’s neck using metal grade scalpel, inspecting its vocal chords. 20:18:21 [REDACTED] administers [DATA EXPUNGED] directly into SCP-3775’s vocal chords. *Editorial Note: [REDACTED] notes that the organ had become inflamed almost immediately, noting an abnormally sensitive reaction to the serum. 20:20:46 [REDACTED] closes up the incision and personnel return SCP-3775 to its chair. 20:21:35 Personnel leave. End notes of interest. For further reading of Experimental log visit [HYPERLINK].

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