#i had to spent most of my days off at uni so far

[gausses]

you wont believe the year i've had so far. i even forgot abt eurovision.

#so yeah. its bad. #i mean im on top of everything. uni is great. work is okay. i even lost some weight and had a great time at heide park #I need a vacation. #preferably far away from germany and somewhere with sun and beach #i had to spent most of my days off at uni so far #i got a 1.3 in food technology I which is great bc thats the name of my degree #but im so exhausted and i still have 2 exams left in the next ... 9 weeks #anyway i cant make it to esc this year probably #bc i have to spent time with my family #lu labert

[jeanbie]

HIGHER THAN HEAVEN ★ masterlist.

pairing: levi x reader

genre: university au | warnings: sexual content, fem/afab!reader, masturbation, listening-to-the-other-fucking, sexual tension, slut/whore shaming (men being pigs), "slutty"!reader, mentions of spit | wc: 10.7k | ♬

note: why has this been a wip for like...a year? also i always like to try out new versions of levi and i feel like he'd actually be just a normal kinda grumpy guy in a modern setting so i hope u guys like my uni!levi interpretation ꒰* ॢꈍ◡ꈍ ॢ꒱.*˚

⏤ Levi wants to be mad that his neighbour keeps screwing guys really loudly. But how can he be mad when she's just so goddamn pretty?

It's the third time this week.

Levi knows what it means to let off steam, and he knows that exam season has just finished. For the last few days, the volume of noise where he lives has climbed exponentially; flats throwing parties, yelling in the hallways and laughter outside his window. 

Levi's happy, too, that his exams are over, but he has to admit, he thought there might be moral standards from the people he called neighbours. 

He sighs, momentarily tapping down the volume of his music as he hears what he thinks might be his neighbour against the shared wall. The sound is fleeting, and he almost thinks he's making it up, and then he hears her soft whimpers and two hard thuds against the thin separation between their bedrooms. Levi waits for a second, blinking, and then he closes his eyes.

He's never really met his neighbour. It's been around eight months of living next door to one another, and he doesn't think he's actually ever seen her. Once, he decided he'd try to confront her when she left her room, but just kept missing the opportunity. 

Unlike his previous three years of university, Levi had decided to bunk alone for the final climb of his undergrad degree. His friends would all be upstairs somewhere, either in studios of their own or sharing six-bed flats amongst themselves, but God knew that Levi needed the space this time around. 

In his first year, he'd shared with quite possibly the worst human beings he'd ever had the displeasure of knowing. He spent more time at Erwin's flat than his own, which is why he ended up moving in with him in his second year. Then, he took a spontaneous study abroad for his third year (spontaneous, as in all of his friends were doing the same thing, and there was no way he was staying here on his own when they were out having the greatest times in different countries), and now, in his fourth and final year, Levi just wants to know that being alone doesn't have to be a luxury. 

He needs the space, and the quiet. Granted, his studio is spacious, although it would be perfect if he wasn't on the ground floor with little to work with for a view. Eight months down the line, and he's still waiting for that promised peace and quiet.

There are two other people in this hallway, but his next-room neighbour, Room A, is by far the most interesting. He knows that the people in Room D are party animals, and during freshers week, they made that fact glaringly obvious. Room C are ghostly, silent most of the time until they remember that they, too, have music to play to block out other people's noise.

Levi likes being in Room B because it's not too far from the exit. If he were to open his door, he'd be adjacent to Room A; the space is so tight that he's not even sure they would be able to leave or enter at the same time. 

The list of what he thinks he knows about his next-room neighbour is longer than what he actually knows. He knows for certain that she's female, and that she cares about the cleanliness of her flat. If Levi's not listening to the sound of other people's mess, he can hear her vacuuming every other day, which he can respect. 

Levi knows that her name is Y/N, because he's heard it being called a few times, both for business and pleasure. He also knows that she's in her final year, just like him, because once he overheard her on a phone call complaining about her dissertation. That's about all he knows confidently. 

The rest is speculation, things he thinks he knows from listening: he thinks she sleeps with the radiator off, because he always hears the switch in the morning. He thinks she keeps her keys on her door because he hears them clink when it closes, and he thinks she mumbles to herself sometimes, because the walls are thin and if she's not on the phone, then who could she be talking to? 

Finally, Levi thinks that she might be a bit of a whore, and he means it endearingly, because the amount of times Levi has heard her fucking somebody is becoming ridiculous.

At first, Levi tried to be understanding. After all, it wasn't like she was screwing guys in the hallway. She was in her room, in her own time, and he tried to come to terms with that simply being out of his hands. The noise was unfortunate, yeah, but he could always put his headphones on for an hour or so. 

Then it just kept happening, like clockwork, like some sick joke. 

After about the sixth time, he was fed up. He'd thrown his headphones down, scowling angrily as his eyes flickered to the time in the corner of his computer screen — 1:23am. It was bad enough that he was working all night on his stupid assignment, and now his neighbour was screwing some asshole so loudly that he may as well have had no headphones on in the first place? 

At least she sounded good. 

Levi had deliberately ignored that thought for a while, until he heard her having sex with some guy a few months ago. He'd sighed, like a routine at that point, and remained seated on his couch, the remote in his hand ready to raise the volume of the football game on TV.

The noise was faint — if Levi had to predict based on the floor plans of their rooms, she'd probably be on her bed — but if he strained enough, he'd be able to hear her mewling, the even fainter sounds of slapping skin. 

He sat there, silently, listening in like a priest taking confessions in church. His silence was judgement and equal measures of fascination. Having never really listened to her before, Levi never knew she sounded like that. Submissive, but seductive, dirty and slutty. Hm.

He had learned to respect her sex life — even creating his own for a while, too, giving her a taste of her own medicine. If anything, that only made things more lively in Room A. Somehow he blames himself for it having got to this point, presently, where he sits listening to her for the third time in a week — and it's not even Friday yet.

16:34 Levi: she's at it again 16:35 Erwin: AGAIN???? 16:37 Hange: isnt this like the fifth time this week? 16:37 Levi: third

Levi turns his chair to face the other wall, looking up at the blank plaster. There's another thud against it, and he blinks, his brows raised slightly. Is she fucking someone against the wall?

16:39 Furlan: theres no way its that bad 16:40 Furlan: send vid

After skimming over the texts, Levi's eyes flicker back to the wall. Then, he rises up from his chair and walks towards it, angling his body with his ear to the noise. Now that he's close, he can't hear a thing, and he scoffs — typical — and prepares to move away.

"Mphf — damn, bitch. You're more of a slut than I thought."

Levi stops. 

Bringing his phone to his legs, Levi slumps his shoulder against the wall casually and almost cranes to listen. Without seeing anything, he feels like a fly on the wall. He hears someone with a deep voice grunting — he doesn't care about them — followed by occasional gasps, much softer, honeyed, elusive. 

"You thought I was a slut?" 

Levi hears her voice quivering, but there's little hurt in her tone. It's all lust, and he can hear the smile in her words. 

For a second, Levi hears her body thud against the wall again and he flinches backwards. She must be directly on the other side — if the bricks weren't there, her body would be up against his own. 

"Dunno what I thought," the male voice says, strained. "Wasn't-expecting-this. Shit, that's tight."

"Mm. You like it?" There's a beat of silence, and the faint sounds of breathy moans, high in an octave that sends goosebumps pricking over Levi's arms. "You like me?"

"Like your pussy. Shit, girl."

With every imagined thrust, Levi can hear her moaning, her voice raising as the pace fastens. Levi stands there, his eyes zoning out on the crack under his door and eventually, he pulls back. There's a slight ringing in his ears, and blood rushes to the tips.

16:51 Levi: phone can't pick up the volume 16:51 Levi: just trust me

It happened two more times before the weekend rolled by, and Levi thought that she must be on a conquest of bedding every guy on campus. Half of him thought it was to spite him specifically, although he wasn't even sure that she knew what she was doing was bothering him so much. 

Friday evening had been a strange eve of silence, but he still felt on edge, as if waiting for the sounds to emerge. The weekend soon enough rolled by with no more sexscapades, and he felt almost a sag of relief in his shoulders.

Levi had just gotten out of the shower when he heard a knock on his door.

"Oh. It's you."

When he pulls it open, inwards on his own room, Levi props his weight against the door and stares out at Reiner, who is holding a light board under his armpit. Reiner holds it out to him with a nonchalant shrug and holds the door open with his foot as Levi takes the board with a raised brow and plonks it onto his bed. 

Reiner stands in the doorway until he comes back, not quite daring to enter.

"I need one of those," Reiner offers in conversation. 

"Well, you've got a job, buy one,” Levi replies, making Reiner smirk. "If you've broke it, then you can pay for it."

Reiner throws up his hands, "Hey, they don't call me the gentle giant for nothing."

Levi's face drops into a disapproving frown, "Nobody calls you that."

"You're right," Reiner sighs with a charming grin and then folds his arms. 

Reiner and Levi know one another from one of their elective classes, and by some magical fate — or a wild coincidence — Reiner had been a mutual friend of one of his closest friends since first year. He also lives upstairs on the third floor, alongside some other guys and a girl that Levi didn't know very well, but had met once at a party and had kissed. He'd considered bringing her back to his room just to torment his neighbour but passed up the temptation.

Thinking of his neighbour, Levi's eyes quickly dash to her door, wondering if she might be inside and listening to them. Reiner doesn’t catch the look — or maybe he does, prompting him to his next sentence.

"You should come out tonight," Reiner suggests.

"Where?"

"A few of us are getting some drinks at Sonny's," he says. "Feel like I haven't seen you properly since that party, like, what, three months ago? You should get out more, have fun." Then, Reiner's smile widens and he, too, glances to his left to Room A, "Escape your sex fiend of a neighbour."

Levi might have cringed at the thought of her listening in, but to his surprise, he found a thrill rush through his body. Maybe she was listening right now, curled up to the door.

"I don't like Sonny's," Levi replies.

"Oh, you've been there before?"

"No. But I saw it on Eren's Instagram once, and it looked awful, sorry."

Laughing, Reiner shrugs his shoulders. "I don't care. It's just nice to get out. Really — what if we changed bars, would you come then?"

Just as he says that a soft thud can be heard from behind him, beyond the walls of the thin hallway that houses Levi’s room and his neighbours'. Levi almost cranes to catch the sound, half expecting his party animal hall-mates from Room D to come bounding inside, dressed in flamboyant attire to listen to loud music whilst getting ready to hit the town for the Friday deals that bars boasted of to rowdy students. 

Instead, the door just to the right of Reiner swings open and a young woman steps inside. Levi blinks — depending on which direction she goes in, Levi's life could get a little bit more interesting.

Levi knows that he’s seen her before in the common room, chatting to other friends around a pool table, or shaking a vending machine with a stranger to try and free an overpriced bottle of Dr Pepper from the machine's claws. 

Levi blinks once again, and Reiner turns at the sound of the door creaking open, and the breath almost leaves Levi's body in one giant exhale when she steps in their direction, towards Room A.

Ah. So this is Y/N.

Reiner's eyes move up and down with intrigue as she — you — step closer towards them. Judging by your almost surprised gaze, and the flit of your eyes as you look between them and the door to Room A, even Reiner knows that you are the aforementioned sex fiend, the famous neighbour who screws guys all the time and makes Levi all hot and bothered. 

Nothing is said — there is nothing to be said. For a split second, you pause, judging the space past Reiner to your door, to your sanctuary, meanwhile, the two men size you up, intrigued by your very existence. Levi feels his conversation skills run dry — what could he say now that you were here?

He has to confess, against his previous wishes, that you were pretty. Beautiful, even. He tries to downplay it by thinking about you pushed up against the wall with a cunt full of someone else's cock, but if anything the thought only makes things worse. 

As you push through the awkward silence of the hallway, Reiner slightly inches closer to Levi, as if to give you space as you stride by. To their surprise, you do so with a lifted gaze, having the nerve to look shy, guilty, friendly. 

Everything would be easier if you weren't his type, weren't Reiner's type. Levi thinks about that for a second as his friend devours the sight of you, and Levi feels his stomach dip. He's never even spoken to you before, but he feels like Reiner has just crossed a boundary somehow. 

The fact of you being as pretty as you sound, as desirable as Levi imagined you had to be to bring so many people back to your den (either irresistible or slutty, but sometimes those went hand in hand and he knew it) just makes the dull ache in his abdomen worse, his heartbeat fluttering ever so out of pace.

As you pass, you peer over at the two men, gazing at Levi in particular. You even look around him, eyeing his room. Then, when you look back at Levi, it’s as if something clicks — it was as if you registered that this man had been enduring your fucks and flirts for weeks and weeks on end, and had been courteous with not complaining once. 

You look at him, over him, sizing him up greedily. Levi moves from foot to foot in a way that looks impatient, although he isn��t sure he's fully convinced you of his indifference when you smile charmingly, your cheekbones full and round.

"Hello," you say — Levi almost buckles. He's only ever heard your voice through walls and doors, never face to face. He blinks dumbly, says nothing.

"Hey," is what Reiner offers with a wide grin, his gaze flickering to your body and then back to your face. But you don’t look back, only look over Reiner's shoulder to Levi, and then turn to your door and thrust the key into the hole. 

Your door untwists, unlocks, and in you go. After it closes and clicks with the lock, Levi hears you shuffling in your room, and then he finally looks back at Reiner. 

For once, Reiner says nothing. He raises his eyebrows and pulls a face, one that Levi rolls his eyes at, and then Reiner claps his hands together and announces his silent leave. 

Levi watches as if frozen in place as Reiner leaves the hallway, and when his own door closes with a slight tick, he strains to hear you beyond the wall, but can hear nothing.

A whole day has passed since then, but Levi can’t stop thinking about it.

He hasn’t left his room all day, to the stressed displeasure of his friends. The hallway has been frozen in a quiet stillness, with nobody coming and going at any point. Levi hasn’t heard you stirring since you walked past him and Reiner the day before, but he supposes he’s just thankful that he has no fears of being bombarded with sex for hours on end, or minutes at a time depending on which loser you lure home. 

Levi drops his plate into the sink, sighing with both hands flat on the side of the counter. To the left, he casts a dirty glance out the window, looking at the grey landscape beyond the glass. The car park to the hotel that is tucked neatly behind his building is virtually empty, and the giant lake-sized puddles ripple with rain. He felt like it always rained here. 

Listening to the rain, Levi finishes his ritual of cleaning the dishes and then turns off the tap with another sigh. It has just been too quiet today — unnervingly quiet, in a way that makes Levi feel more on edge than at ease. He's been craving this taste of silence for so long, but now that it’s here, everything just feels off. 

He pinches the bridge of his nose with an irritated exhale and moves through the thin archway to get to his bedroom, near the front door, when he hears something beyond the threshold of Room A next door. Levi stops in place.

The noise is so faint that he almost misses it. He leans his head closer in the direction of the wall, waiting for the next sound to give when he hears it again — a breathy whimper. The whimper transforms into a moan, one that Levi can hear as clearly as he would if he were in the room. There are no other voices, and Levi pulls away from the wall quickly like it's on fire.

No. It can’t be.

Levi finds it both annoying and amusing when he hears you entangled with some random guy every other day, but just the possibility of it being you, and you alone, in your room with nobody but your fingers, makes Levi’s throat tighten.

Before, it felt as though your sex life was a performance intended for Levi to listen to, but now that it’s just you, the moment feels private and intimate, and Levi doesn’t know what to do.

The moaning continues, staggered, stuttered, falling and rising in a tempo he knows only the hand of the moaner can create. By now, he’s somewhat of an expert on your noises, how you respond to whatever your partner is doing — the unfamiliarity of your pleasure tonight has thrown him off, and all Levi can do is apologise in his head and pull himself back against the wall. 

He’s come this far listening to you play with others. It would just be unfair not to hear how you really like it when you’re alone.

Levi can’t be sure what it is you’re actually doing; he’ll have to leave it to his imagination to conjure up the perfect image of you on your bed, legs spread, fingers stuffed up your cunt. He closes his eyes as he leans his head against the plaster, quite literally straining to hear every gasp leaving your mouth.

The world seems to slow around him, the sounds of your one-man show all he can hear. All of a sudden, he’s thankful for the unnatural silence of the hallway outside so he can hear it all.

What he pictures is lewd and perfect; you’re biting your lip probably, trying to contain yourself as you plunge your fingers deeper inside your pussy, curling them in a way nobody else can. The lights are dimmed, but in his mind, the picture of your body is crystal clear; the shape of your body is outlined by light, shadows cast attractively around the perk of your breasts, the glisten of crystalline sweat on your skin. 

With your chest rising, Levi watches in his mind as your thighs quiver, your knuckles pushing against your opening — if it was possible to get more of your finger in there, you’d do it.

Your fingers slide in and out covered in wetness, each plunge inside accompanied by another moan that makes him shudder. Levi’s ear is flat against the wall, his cock hardening uncomfortably beneath his joggers. 

All of a sudden, the shame of eavesdropping washes over him and he pulls away, breathing heavily as he moves from the wall to the bathroom. For good measure, he slams the door behind him, immediately turning on the tap and washing his face. What was he thinking?

Thankfully, there’s nobody to greet his ashamed walk back into his bedroom. He rubs the side of his face with a groan and glances back at the wall. For a moment, he pauses, but he hears no more sound.

Levi’s been in a sour mood since the weekend, and nobody around him knows how to solve it. 

At first, it had started with the dream he’d had; the dream where he’d shoved your head into a pillow and fucked your brains out, which woke him with a start and another guilty walk to the bathroom. Then, he’d turned up late to his class and simultaneously discovered that Reiner had, in fact, broken the light board he loaned him the other week.

After that, he received a bitchy email from the receptionist at his building about upcoming fire alarm inspections, and because he’d been too busy looking at his phone, Levi had slammed into a group of first-year girls in the library and caused one of them to drop all of her books and her coffee on the floor. Now, his wallet was five pounds lighter and his expression was sour, and no matter how hard his friends tried to coax him out of his foulness, it was no use.

“At least you bought her another coffee,” says Eren with a shrug as he watches the flustered first-year disappear out of the student café with her friend.

“Not the point, dipshit.”

“It’s probably ‘cause of the lack of sleep this man gets thanks to his harlot neighbour,” Hange suggests, their shoulders hunched as they finish up one of their handouts for their evening class.

At that, Reiner looks up from his phone and adds, “Hot harlot neighbour.”

“Is she actually?” asks Erwin. “I don’t know if I can trust your judgement in women, Reiner.”

“She is beautiful,” Levi mutters reluctantly, his face still drawn together with irritance. Admitting that fact only makes him feel worse, especially when the memory of his dream creeps back into his mind. He sighs and rubs his neck. “But she hasn’t really made any noise in a while.”

“Maybe she’s on her period,” says Eren unhelpfully. 

“Whores are on the pill,” Porco adds, suddenly reminding Levi of his presence. The blond-haired guy sits to the right with a coffee in one hand and a bagel in the other.

“Don’t you think it’s kind of sexist to call her a whore when I know most of you probably have higher body counts?” replies Isabel. She’s crept up on the knit of friends, but contrary to normal, her being here doesn’t make Levi feel any better. Right now, there are simply too many witnesses to his misery.

Eren shrugs. “Fine. Then she’s a slut.”

“As if that’s any better,” Isabel says dumbly. “You guys are pigs.”

“But she is beautiful,” Reiner says again. “I’m telling you — it’s a miracle Levi hasn’t made his move yet. If I lived next door to someone who looked like that…” He trails off. Levi cringes. How did he end up being friends with the worst people in the world?

Reiner sells Levi as actually having enough confidence to get up and knock on her door, when the truth of the matter is that Levi is too afraid to even approach the wall when he hears a noise anymore. In the time between him listening to you finger-fucking yourself and him having such an out-of-pocket dream about you, Levi hasn’t even wanted to listen to anything he hears outside of his room, too afraid of what he might do or think if he hears you again.

Besides, what would he even do? It’s been almost eight months of sharing a wall, and he’s come no closer to knowing you or anything about you. You’re as familiar to him as any stranger in this caf��, but the only difference is that he’s heard the way you whimper when your cunt is stuffed with cock and you’re up against the wall, which most people would have trouble competing with.

When you know how someone sounds when they’re most likely cumming on someone else’s dick, it’s an unbeatable bond.

Levi looks up at Reiner as if to say something, but then his eyes are drawn to the doors to the café. They widen suddenly, and after watching his expression shift, Reiner follows his gaze and looks over his shoulder.

After a few seconds, he whips his head back to the group and hisses, “That’s her!”

The speed at which their heads turn is almost funny to Levi, and he might have laughed had he not been so full of mortified fear at the sight of you. 

You look pretty today — really pretty. Pretty in a way that Levi can’t even begin to make sense of considering the only way he’s seen you so far is in glimpses, in the corridor dressed in comfy clothes, or stark naked with his dick up your snatch in his head. His whole body fills with a sticky heat as he narrows his gaze on you, hoping that by staring you might disappear like a mirage and spare him the embarrassment due to come.

But nothing ever goes the way Levi wants it to. He breathes in heavily when your gaze pans across the room as if you’re searching for someone, stopping with a comical wide-eyed look of surprise when you see a group of six or so people all watching you with strange intensity. 

Levi is not at all prepared for the way your brows knit together in confusion as you assess the strangers, only to raise in acknowledgement when you finally look at him for a moment too long. 

Words are not needed to convey the silent series of events that spiral after that look. Levi knows instantly what you’re thinking and what it means. He knows that you know he’s told everybody about you — and he knows that you know he knows who you are and how often you do what you do. 

There’s no way of explaining how confident he is that you’ve cracked the code in your head — he doesn’t know anything at all, only that when your face brightens into a smile he knows he’s screwed.

So fucking screwed.

“Oh shit, you were right,” Porco says after a while of mutual silence, and Levi is strangely grateful for the distraction of his voice as he turns back to his friend. “She’s hot!”

“And you’re being fucking loud, shut up,” Levi grumbles, his face scrunched into such a tight frown that it hurts to hold it. “Yes, that’s her. So what.”

“She’s looking at you,” Hange says rather unhelpfully. They’re sitting with their elbows on their spread legs, head low as they glance at you over the top of their glasses. Their brows are so high they might as well become a part of their hairline as they say a few seconds later, “Still looking.” A beat, and then, “Still looking.”

Levi huffs quietly, trying to find something interesting on the low table in the middle of the group to latch onto. All he can find are some of Hange’s papers and Porco’s bagel wrapper — neither are particularly inspiring to stare at, but he stares anyway, acutely aware of the heavy weight of your gaze on the side of his face as you approach the coffee counter. 

“Maybe it’s because you’re all fucking gawking at her,” Levi replies stiffly. 

To their credit, the group does their best to mask their very obvious staring, but Levi already knows that their hanging mouths have caused irreparable damage. He makes it a point not to look back over at you, and based on how his friends try to busy themselves with random things, he guesses you’ve reluctantly looked away from them and are currently buying something.

After today, Levi will never come here again — he’s just suddenly remembered that you’re real, and the notion of seeing you out in public just became his next biggest worry.

“Maybe you should go and say hi,” Isabel suggests, her mouth full around a bite of brownie. 

Levi looks at her with an incredulous look. “And why would I do that?”

“She’s your neighbour,” Isabel replies slowly. “It’s polite. And friendly.”

“I’ll go and say hi, if you want,” offers Reiner. When Levi throws him a dirty look, he says, “What? She smiled at me before. I might be her next conquest.”

“Not much of a challenge for her,” Levi mutters. Besides, you weren’t even looking at Reiner back then — but as soon as the thought comes to his head he immediately exiles it. He’s not going to stoop as low as to fight Reiner on it; it will only deepen the hole he’s dug himself now that he's opened his mouth and told people about you.

After around four minutes, Levi has exhausted all possible resorts of interest around the table and anxiously rubs the back of his neck. Reiner still has his head looking up towards the coffee counter, but the others have mercifully ceased their curious staring. He levels his breathing and takes a quick swig of his tea, all before absentmindedly turning his head to look over his shoulder.

Your back is facing everyone, your head thrown back in laughter at something someone next to you is saying. Levi represses the urge to bristle at his own thoughts of what you might be laughing at, what possibly makes you laugh and smile — what coffee did you order, or maybe you are a tea person? Hot chocolate? Levi’s face falls into a narrow look of horror — Jesus Christ, he’s in so deep and over what? The sound of you?

Levi decides that he’s possibly gone insane after a long four years in academia and rests his cheek on his shoulder for a minute, gaze low. His friends are right, to a fault; he could just talk to you, scratch the itch until it’s gone and he can relax and live like a normal human being again. But that would involve taking initiative and actually confronting you, which in the grand scheme of things seems like a terrible idea. 

He’d rather just forget about the delusional display of heated fantasies he’s conjured up after getting just a peek at you.

“Oh, shit. She’s looking again.”

It’s embarrassing how quickly Levi looks back at you without even thinking about it. 

Sure enough, you’re looking back at the group, a cup of something steaming in your hand as your friend leads the way through a cluster of tables towards the double doors leading out onto the wide front courtyard. The screaming voice in his head is commanding Levi to look away, but he just can’t. 

He watches you as you look back at him, mapping out every detail he possibly can while he has the chance to just look without any consequence, and feels his breathing constrict when you smile, so softly that it knocks the literal wind from his lungs, and raise your free hand in a wave.

And he doesn’t even move.

Somewhere behind him, Levi hears Reiner snigger and the brawny guy lifts his own hand to wave back at you, a grin plastered on his face. Your eyes barely move to look at Reiner in acknowledgement before locking back onto Levi with an almost hopeful look, and now would be a great time for Levi to move or do something in response, but he doesn’t. And he doesn’t know how to respond when your smile deepens into a smirk, almost like that was exactly what you wanted him to do.

“Why does she look down bad?” Eren asks quietly, making Porco cackle with a laugh that makes you look away and slink after your friend. Levi affords himself the time to watch you go, watching the way your ass moves in your jeans, the way your breasts bounce in that shirt, the way your waist looks and the way your hair moves and the way your smile widens—

“You’re a lucky son of a bitch,” Porco says, shaking his head with an amused look on his face. “If I lived next to someone who looked like that, and looked at me like that—”

“Well, you don’t, so fuck off,” Levi snaps. Wrong answer: the boys in his group laugh even louder, and Levi wants to shrink to the size of an ant and drown in his tea.

God. Levi realises with a gigantic sigh that today has been a long ass day.

Levi rubs his hair with the towel and glares at his reflection in the mirror. He stares, long and hard, and frowns at what looks back. For a guy who is to be considered “grown”, he cannot believe how stupid he's being, how stupid his brain is.

He has never once had a crush on somebody he’s never even met before, and only actually seen properly about two times. In the long four years of being in this city, Levi has never entertained an interest in anybody, mostly because he felt he didn’t have the patience for a relationship nor the time, which is why the way he’s feeling now is all the more bothersome — and even worse when the person he’s having trouble understanding his feelings for is someone he’s barely met, never talked to, and knows likes cock more than the air they breathe.

It is simply outrageous that he likes you so much. And he’s not even sure if what he feels would qualify as liking you. 

Levi has never spoken one word to you and has never made any effort to do so, but alongside the audible archive of moans he has of yours in his memory and the mapped-out beauty of your face, Levi can distinguish that the pooling pit of desire in his tummy is closer to a crush than it is just general appreciation. And this feeling sucks.

Suddenly, Levi thinks back to seeing you in the student café and physically cringes at his reflection. All that for what? A smile? He is pathetic — Levi cannot believe that he has become such a strange man, and it is entirely your fault for being so pretty. And sounding so fucking sexy.

Levi hangs his towel on the small heated towel rack and washes his hands, hoping that in a metaphorical sense, it will wash away all of the terrible thoughts he’s having. Then, he shakes them dry and flicks off the bathroom switch, striding back into his room with a sinking feeling of emptiness. 

He makes his way to the kitchen and looks longingly at the kettle. A cup of tea would do wonders for the creeping headache forming in his skull, but like the idiot he’s suddenly turned out to be, Levi instead leans up on his toes to grab a bottle of whiskey from on top of the fridge and finds an accompanying glass to pour himself a drink. 

It’s been a long day, and he needs something strong. Quite frankly, Levi thinks he also deserves it.

For most of the evening, Levi entertains himself with his whiskey bottle, a glass and whatever the hell his TV can pick up in the black spot he calls home. He’s not sure how many glasses he’s had by the time he hears the corridor door swing open with its alarmingly loud squeal, but judging by how the room seems to tilt on its axis, Levi would wager a guess as to believe he’s had at least more than six glasses. 

He feels his heart in his ears, pounding like a war drum, and he immediately reaches for the remote and turns down the volume. Like a cat, he feels his ears prick at the slightest sounds, and quite quickly, it’s as though stones are weighing down his stomach when he hears a boyish kind of snigger in the hallway, followed by the sound of keys in Room A’s door.

Please no. Not right now.

Not when Levi’s trying to come to terms with the unnatural feelings he’s somehow garnered for you.

Levi hears you shush the guy of the night and push open your door, its hinges moaning with relief when both of you stumble inside and it closes with a click. It’s almost embarrassing how quiet Levi has gone in an effort to eavesdrop — as much as he dislikes the idea of you being fucked by some random guy, he has to admit that he’s come to find some enjoyment in the vision of you being destroyed, in the music made by your pleasure. It took a while to admit it, but now that he has, it’s like a weight being lifted.

Once again, he is left to wonder what you’re doing when he can no longer hear your moans or the guy’s stupid voice muttering: Levi’s imagined you stumbling through the narrow passage past the bathroom and towards your bed, arms snug around the guy’s chest. You’ve probably sat down, and the guy is between your legs holding your face with his hands.

Only you haven’t. Levi hears a familiar thump against the wall and his eyes widen excitedly.

“Get this shit off.” Levi hears the guy grunt unhappily, and, hey wait, when did Levi suddenly end up listening so close to the wall?

“You don’t like it?” you ask, your voice so quiet through the thin layer of brick separating you from Levi’s ear. 

“Like it better when it's not on,” the guy groans, and a few more thumps against the wall sound along with a strange dragging noise that Levi presumes might be your back. “God, you’re so hot.”

Well, that they can both agree on.

Levi closes his eyes as your voice begins to rise, foolishly high and breathy and in a way that makes Levi’s dick harden under his clothes. He pictures your face in his head, thrown back in a twist of pleasure, and fights the urge to grip his cock with his hand — he loses the battle and curses as he grabs his dick and begins to pump his wrist.

Levi leans his back against the wall and dips his head low to his chest, his eyes unwillingly fixed on the sight of his own cock hardening in his hand. Levi acknowledges that jerking off to his neighbour having a shag is a bit weird, but it could be worse, and as long as you can’t see him, he doesn’t care. 

He tightens his grip around his dick and drags his hand up and down, biting down on his lip to keep his satisfied groans from eliciting any unwanted attention.

On the other side of the wall, you feel the brick behind your head as the stranger lifts one of your legs up over his shoulder, falling to his knees like a beggar and lifting the bottom half of your skirt up over your hips. At some point during your ungracious entry into the bedroom, the man managed to slip down your panties and now has full, unrestricted access to your cunt, and wastes no time pushing his head between your thighs. 

Feeling the man’s tongue running flat up your slit, you moan breathlessly and stare up at the ceiling. You’ve fucked so many men it’s impossible to remember all of them, but you never get bored of the feeling of someone’s tongue up your pussy. Your heart stammers in your chest as you peer down at the stranger; his face is pushed between your legs and hidden from view, leaving you with nothing but dark locks of hair to gaze at, hunched shoulders and a pale hand pressing into your leg.

Admittedly, the only reasons you picked this stranger to approach in the bar had been because of the way he looked, and you close your eyes and let your jaw hang open in pleasure, all while your thoughts linger on who you pretend is between your legs instead of him. 

“You taste amazing,” the guy groans into you, and you smile pleasantly. Everybody likes being complimented, don’t they?

“Yeah?” you ask, smoothing one of your hands up around your tit, “It’s all yours.”

The guy groans, as does Levi, who’s listening so loyally that he might as well smash a hole in the wall and look through. Nothing is left to imagination anymore; it’s as if you’re narrating your night just for Levi’s sake.

“Yeah. You’re right. This pussy’s mine,” the guy laughs, nipping his teeth against your inner thigh and making you squeal unexpectedly. 

“Come on,” you rasp, worming your fingers through his twirly locks of hair with a slight grip. He winces and looks up at you from over your stomach, eyes dark and wide with the pain of your fingers tightening around his curls. “Fuck me, big guy. I want your cock.”

Levi’s wrist quickens. He blames the whiskey for the strangled little pathetic sound that burns in his throat, but there’s no way you heard it. Although these walls are so thin that he can hear every sound you make, there’s no way you can hear any of his noises. The logic defies Levi at that moment.

“God damn, you really are a needy girl, aren't you?”

No, you’re not, Levi thinks. Only you are — you grin down at the handsome man removing himself from between your legs and shuffle closer to grab a taste of yourself from his lips. He groans into your mouth, one hand on your ass and the other around the back of your neck. 

With his arms around you, the man guides you towards the end of your bed and ungracefully drops you down, groaning when you bite your bottom lip and stare up at him with an expectant look in your eyes. Levi could only dream of what makes the stranger growl like that as he strains to listen in. You open your legs to invite him in, watching as he pulls a condom from his back pocket and takes his jeans down to his ankles.

Levi’s cock is throbbing, the tip an angry shade of red as he swipes his thumb and smears a slip of pre-cum across the curved edge. Levi inhales deeply, feeling his whole body stiffen as he pulls his fist up and down, the fingers on his other hand grazing across his balls with a sensitive flush. He hears you moan outrageously loud and his wrist trembles — he must have slipped it in.

You tighten your legs around the stranger, pulling him and his dick further into your cunt, the wetness of it slippery and inviting and divinely powerful. Every man you’ve had up there has made a comment on how good it feels, and as the guy moans loudly and tells you it’s the best pussy he’s had, you think of your neighbour; his surprised expression when he saw you in the café, the way his friends threw him looks when you smiled. 

You know he’s been listening (if he hasn’t, then he’s admirably unbothered or deaf), and the thought excites you wildly.

You look beyond the man and to the wall, imagining your neighbour staring at the brick with a blank expression. Maybe he’s angry that you have another man over. You hope he is. 

Biting back a laugh, you moan for good measure and match every thrust with a sound. The guy stuffed inside of you mutters a string of curses, chest puffed with pride, oblivious to the vision you have in your head of your neighbour snug between your thighs, his face steeled into his usual displeasure. 

“Mmf, yes,” you whine, a little louder than you usually would. “Right there.”

“Say my name,” the guy growls, slapping your thigh rather sharply, “like a good girl.”

You flush, knees practically bent over to your chest as he folds you in half. For a second, you can’t even think of his name, don’t know if he ever even told you. Instead of wounding his pride, you drop a few girly moans and hope it distracts him, which it does. You wonder what would happen if you were to moan out your neighbours name — if you even knew it, that is.

“Oh, god,” you moan genuinely and close your eyes as the man sinks his cock in further. Thank goodness this man’s dick is long, you think, feeling the tip brush against a weak spot inside of you. The mattress beneath your spine is shaking uncontrollably, and the man peers down at you with a glint in his eye.

Levi’s head leans back and a breathless groan escapes — fuck, he thinks, but there’s no time to take it back, and certainly no chance he’s been heard. 

Unbeknownst to Levi, your ears prick up curiously. The man snug inside of you looks at your face with an equal amount of curiosity, his hands wide against your skin as he fucks you at an unmeasurably quick pace. It’s as if he has somewhere else to be than here, but the pressing wrinkle in his forehead deepens as he fucks you harder, nails digging into your skin, spit flying from his mouth to your breasts.

“My friend said your pussy was good, but I didn’t think it would be this good,” the guy says, his voice raspy. All you can currently focus on is the squelch between your legs, and for a hopeful sound of annoyance from your neighbour.

When nothing comes, you opt for staring up at the guy with wide eyes, as if the thought of being passed around a few friends shocks you. In actual fact, you could care less, just as long as you both feel good.

His next few thrusts knock the wind out of you, and Levi clings to those pitched sounds like they’re his new lifeline. Pumping the length of his cock with his hand, Levi clamps his eyes closed and tries not to become self-aware of what the fuck he’s doing, instead focusing all of his energy on the twisting ache in his stomach and the dull groan of his wrist bones.

What Levi does next horrifies him. His hips jerk suddenly, his breathing laboured as he imagines himself in your room between your legs. Just the thought of looming over you, chest bowed over yours, your legs over his shoulders as he sinks himself into your cunt. The look of pleasured joy on your face, that stupidly beautiful smile lifted so high. 

In the swirling darkness of his closed eyes, Levi conjures up images of you flustered and naked, covered in sweat and cum and as your breasts bounce the shine on your body curves — fucking hell, he’s in so deep, he’s so fucked.

“Oh! Oh, there, yep, there — hmpf!” 

Levi hears you so loudly that it’s as if you’re panting it in his ears. He fists his dick almost furiously, feeling the creeping heat move across his body like a wildfire. The phantom illusion of your body underneath him pulses, the feeling of your cunt wet and squishing around him feels so real he might believe it if he weren’t uncomfortably self-aware of how screwed up he is, fantasising about a girl he’s never even talked to before.

Even through the wall, Levi can hear your bed rattling against the opposite wall, each slap of skin as the stranger fucks himself into you; Levi zeros in on the sounds and produces the perfect scene in his head, one that makes his dick twitch in his hand and his feet slip slightly across the wooden floor. 

His chest rises and falls heavily, his hands trembling, his balls so sensitive he’s resorted to clinging to the wall like a rock climber with one hand while he pumps his cock with the other. Listening to you being fucked stupid is going to make him cum all over himself, and for a split second, that seems fine. That would be okay.

“Goddamn. You’re tighter than I expected,” the guy says, which sends Levi over the edge. 

He groans softly at the floor and feels his whole body trembling as the coil in his stomach suddenly releases, and a string of cum shoots from the end of his cock. Levi keeps pumping, cum falling down his hand and to the floor in a grossly filthy manner, one that he’s trying his best not to stress over as he focuses all of his energy and thoughts on the hand wrapped around his cock and how badly he wishes it was your pussy gripping him instead.

When he does open his eyes, Levi blinks away the blurry tunnel vision and tries to catch his breath, now uncomfortably aware of the sticky mess covering his hand and the floor around his feet. For a second, he feels complete bliss — until the ringing in his ears subsides and he hears you whining in that pretty fucking voice you have, and the shame washes over him like a bucket of cold water.

Levi forces himself up off the wall and stares back at it, almost as if it might transform into a window for you to gape at him, the dirty eavesdropper who just had an orgasm over a daydream and the sound of his neighbour fucking some random guy. He blinks in horror.

The guy screwing you groans like an animal — a dying animal, Levi thinks bitterly, until he realises that he’s the first person to have orgasmed in the strange threesome and he isn’t even in the room. 

Although guilt is consuming him, Levi can’t commit to pulling away yet. He might as well see it through to the end now that he’s become a part of it all.

Your cunt clenches around the guy’s cock like a vice, coaxing whatever last reserves of self-restraint he has before he grunts out a loud, “Fuck!” and slams his hips into you one last time, filling the condom with cum.

You feel the warmth bulging inside of you — lucky for someone to have gotten off in this exchange. Your pussy throbs and you squirm unhappily, hoping he might keep going.

“More?” the guy asks, breathless and shocked. “For real?”

“Mm. More, I need more,” you tell him, your walls fluttering around him. “Please, please give me more—”

No, no, no, Levi thinks in a panic. Please no more! As if being subjected to listening to some guy cumming after being in your pussy was bad enough, Levi wants nothing more than for it all to be over so he doesn’t have to listen anymore. He knows he could easily put in earphones and tune you both out, but that’s not the point. 

Still, he feels a sudden rush of bitter hatred when the guy slaps your skin and makes you whine, all before laughing and pulling out. Levi hears nothing for a moment until he hears a drawer pulling open and slamming shut, and he thinks in a hot flush that he’s about to have a terribly unhappy night listening to you getting screwed again.

You watch the stranger shake his cock for a moment once the old and used condom is off, and he quickly puts on a new one while he’s still hard and admirably shoves himself back inside. Your wet warmth welcomes him back encouragingly, and there’s no trouble keeping him hard once you’ve gripped him back inside. The man shifts himself inside of you and moves in and out, his eyes trained carefully on your face as if assessing your enjoyment. 

He creeps a hand between your legs and thumbs the hood of your pussy, and your eyes flash open with surprise at the feeling of his thumb on your clit.

“My god, you’re fucking gorgeous,” he comments, and Levi curses.

This can’t go on! Levi feels his mind reeling and he refuses to take responsibility for what his body does next; he wipes his hand on his joggers and glares at the door. Taking a few strides towards it, Levi forgets the cum on the floor and grabs one of his jumpers, pulling it over his head as he grabs his five seconds of courage by the balls and swings his door open. 

The sound of you being fucked is made even more pronounced in the hallway. Levi’s never admired his other hall-mates until now, because he knows they’re all either listening in the same horror as Levi used to or they’re out somewhere missing all of the drama. Still, Levi feels his heart thumping wildly in his chest as he raises his fist, and without thinking any of it through, he bangs his hand on your door three loud times.

The sounds cease.

Levi hears a flustered “fuck!” and a confused moan, each one from a different person, and now that he’s knocked, Levi knows if he does a runner, you’ll only know it was him when his door shuts in the now uncomfortable silence. Standing in the hallway, he knows he has to live out his embarrassment and see it through. 

The stranger pulls out of you in a fluster, staring down at you with surprise. “Should we answer it?”

You crane to listen, half-hoping it was a knock on someone else’s door and not your own, but you reluctantly glance up at him in shock and pick yourself up off the bed.

“Um…” you start, flustered and scanning the floor for something to put on. You spot your dressing gown slung over the chair at your desk and reach for it, giving the guy a pointed look as he scrambles for his underwear. You hoped it wouldn’t have, but the vibe is killed rather cruelly by whoever is banging your door so loudly. 

Tying the cord around your waist, you pass by the guy with a sheepish smile and smooth a hand across his chest. In a way, the stranger is surprisingly handsome, especially considering you only picked him out for the way his hair looked. He grins after a while and grabs his shirt, holding it in his hand as he leans to kiss your lips and slither past you.

“Lemme get it,” he suggests, already making his way to the door. You let him go without protest, simply standing to the side as he reaches the door, twists the handle and pulls it open. The map of muscles in his back tense when he sees Levi standing outside.

“Levi,” he says dumbly. Levi blinks in confusion. How does he know this guy, and more importantly, how does this guy know him? The stranger seems to pick up on his blatant confusion and shifts uncomfortably, “It’s Samuel. I live in Isabel’s flat.”

Levi visibly grimaces.

This city is just too small and he hates it so much. Why the fuck did the guy fucking you have to be someone in close connection to one of his closest friends, and why the fuck did it have to be the guy involved in the sex Levi has just jerked off to?

“We met?” Levi decides to ask.

“Not officially,” mutters Samuel.

Levi ignores him and glances back into the darkness, schooling his features into disinterest with all of his strength when he sees you standing in the shadows.

The revealing V of your dressing gown attracts his attention, his eyes trained on the curving line of your breasts pushed together by your folded arms. He looks up to your neck and face, shining with a thin sheen of sweat, and then finally acknowledges your face. 

Your makeup is smudged in a way that makes Levi’s cock twitch again, but he refuses to feed in to the pleasure he so badly wants to seek at the sight of you, fucked-out and equally surprised to see him standing like a loser in your doorway. You take a single step forward in what looks like wonder.

“What…are you doing here?” Samuel asks hesitantly.

Levi remembers he’s there and glares at him. “I live next door.”

“Oh,” says Samuel.

“I don’t care that you’re fucking. Trust me, I don’t.” He’s lying. “But can you be quiet about it?”

His voice cuts deep, making Samuel flinch, but in Levi’s peripheral he sees your face twist into an amused smile, your feet shuffling across the wooden floor to arrive by Samuel’s side.

“She’s not that loud,” Samuel attempts to say, in a pathetically unenthusiastic voice. Even he must know to an extent that you’re actually extremely loud.

Levi’s brows raise. “It’s not her I’m bothered about.”

“Oh,” Samuel says again. He turns to look at you like a deer caught in the headlights, but when his face drops at the look of amusement on your face, something tells Levi that Samuel may have expected you to defend him the way he just tried to defend you. 

Samuel’s eyes narrow and he snatches himself away from the door to find his shoes and phone. “Whatever man. She’s a slut anyway, you must be used to it by now.”

Levi hums, his eyes on you as you look back at him, unmoving, unbothered. Your eyes drop suddenly to his bottoms before pulling back up with your brows raised. After looking down with reluctance, Levi spots the cum he wiped on his joggers in a smudge across his thigh and he pauses.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He can’t think of any other words.

Samuel slips his shoes back on and levels a dirty look in your direction, but you just smile sympathetically and wish him goodnight. He mutters something rude under his breath and barges past Levi on his way out, and Levi makes a point of watching Samuel go whilst trying to pretend that neither of you has just spotted what is drying to a crusty stain on his joggers.

Levi continues to stare down the hallway even when the door has slammed shut and Samuel has disappeared, but the sound of your feet shuffling on the floor makes him look back. He must be a good actor, because your brows furrow for a moment when you lock eyes, as if you aren’t sure whether or not he’s angry.

Of course, Samuel had been right. You were a loud fuck, you were a bit of a slut, and Levi is very familiar with the guests coming and going from your bedroom. But none of that matters at all now he’s here, looking at you hidden underneath a dressing gown, your lips parted with hesitance.

Levi stares at you for a second, wondering what he could possibly say to you now that the chance is right there. He should have known he’d say something stupid — Levi copies your facial expression and clicks his tongue: “I know you can actually do better than that.”

His words take you by surprise, but he watches as your wide eyes soften and your smile twists — his stomach churns, thrilled, enamoured. If he was stupid, he’d push himself into your room and kiss you, but luckily, he’s exhausted his daily dose of stupidity and fallen back into his usual state of normalcy.

“Oh, really?” you ask sarcastically. This is the first time he’s heard you talking since your shy little hello a few days ago, and without a wall between you and some dude’s dick up your pussy. 

Levi hums, weaker than before. “Him, of all people?”

“Well, I don’t pick them for their personality,” you tell him, and he blinks as he realises that you’re actually discussing the people you bring back to your room. Levi lets it sink in until it does, deep in his stomach, and he feels his neck burning.

Suddenly, Levi is uncomfortably aware of how aware you are; you know you’re loud, and you know Levi can hear every moan and cry and whimper, every thud against the wall, every gasp of breath, every boy. And something tells him that none of that is accidental.

“...Thank god for that,” he drawls finally, his gaze hardening on your own. This time, you hum, mockingly, and tilt your head while you look at him.

Levi doesn’t know how long he stands there for. All he knows is that the tension between you is so thick it’s almost choking him. He doesn’t even know if you can feel it too — the unimaginable jolt of sexual tension coiling around his body like a snake, his whole body vibrating excitedly. 

It would be so easy to move forward towards you. Levi doesn’t even think you’d refuse him. The sultry look in your eyes is inviting, enticing, and he lets his gaze wander back to the slip of skin above your breasts before he snatches his gaze back.

“I’ll be more quiet, if that’s what you’d like,” you say after a while.

He doesn’t say anything at first. Just looks at you for a second, weighing his options. Then, his gaze softens and he grunts — no. Be as loud as you want.

You seem to understand, for the smile widens into a pleased grin. “Alright. Sorry, Levi.”

He prays that you didn’t just see his body flinch as you said his name. Levi grunts again and waves his hand dismissively, turning for his room before the excitement of everything makes him become stupid again. He’s done enough stupid things today, thank you!

“Night, Y/N,” he says through clenched teeth, and if he had looked back, he would have seen the smile widen to a degree he could have never even expected, the confirmation you needed being your name on his lips, a name he would have only heard had he been listening.

Levi refuses to give in to his dumb urges and leans his back against his door when it shuts closed, listening shamefully as you hesitate before closing your door behind him. Finally, he lets out an exhausted breath and closes his eyes again.

For fuck sake. He’s a moron.

A moron who wants to fuck his neighbour, and is pretty sure that you know it.

Would you let him?

Levi stops himself from groaning like a pathetic loser when he thinks of you again, this time opening your door and letting him in, slipping the gown down your arms so that your breasts fall out for him; his hands grabbing them, pushing you back on the bed you were just being fucked on; his dick slipping inside of you, your cunt clenched around him, lips on his hands, cum filling you up like a cake, pooling out of you—

Levi feels his cock twitch again. He sighs loudly. 

He’s going to need another shower. Preferably a long cold one. Hopefully cold enough to send him into shock and kill him, just to spare him from the humiliating reality that Levi Ackerman has become an infatuated sad fuck with a raging hard crush on his stunningly sexy neighbour. 

Levi groans again. Fuck.

#levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman smut #aot #attack on titan #aot x reader #attack on titan x reader #aot smut #levi smut #attack on titan smut #levi ackerman #aot levi #snk #snk imagine #aot imagine #levi imagine #jeanbie

[thedovesaredying]

Monsters in the Dark | Nikto x Reader | Part 2

Second chapter of the Cowboy!Nikto AU. Written from the POV of Nikto this time. A reminder once again that there's a prologue and "part 1" is only the first full chapter. The original cowboy AU is owned and created by @ghouljams.

A/N: I'm a day late on my estimation for when it would be done, but life decided to get me sick, busy with uni work, and put one of my legs completely out of action. I also realized about 3 husbandry manuals deep into my research that the chapter would be a bit too long if I included that much information. Instead, the info will be sprinkled in among the next few chapters.

Warnings: Sputnik being a silly girl.

Masterlist: CoD Masterlist

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The weather is downright miserable. While one might assume the worst weather would be torrential rain or unforgiving hail, Nikto is firmly of the belief that there’s nothing worse than a hot, sunny day. It’s hard enough to be constantly covered from head to toe, but to then add on the Texan sun beating down at its full strength? He’s certain he’ll be nothing more than a puddle of sweat by the end of the day.  

At least Sputnik seems to be enjoying the disgusting temperatures. She’s running around the front of the property, completely unfazed by the heat. She welcomes it, in fact, using it as the perfect excuse to paddle into the large dam for a cool swim at the day’s warmest.  

Her paws are caked with mud and grass, so much to her sadness she’s been barred from entering the house, forced to wait until she’s dried off and all the muck has fallen off of her paws. If she’s still dirty by the end of the day then a quick hosing down will be in order, but she’ll likely consider that a fun game too.  

For now, she’s content to lay stretched out on the porch, her side rapidly rising and falling as she pants.  

The weather isn’t the only thing that’s miserable, however. Nikto’s mood has been foul ever since his forced trip into town for new supplies. A certain hyena had decided that she was bored while her owner was away and had decided to chew a rather large hole in the wall of the shed.  

The hole was easily large enough for her to climb through and so, after having already spent most of the day hard at work, Nikto was forced to leave for the only hardware store in town. Some new planks of wood and a hammer not riddled with rust later, and he’s reminded of the invoice he received the vet clinic a few days prior and has also yet to pay for.  

He’s not quite sure what possessed him to go to the clinic in person, but he was disappointed regardless with what greeted him. The receptionist was painfully cheery and seemed determined to dig into his business with her endless questions. He’d left feeling completely drained from only a single conversation with the woman. You hadn’t been there. He can’t fathom why that annoys him so much.  

The hole in the shed was simple enough to fix, even under the intensity of the sweltering heat, but the issue of Sputnik remains.  

Clearly, he can’t leave her unattended for several hours at a time just for work. She’s never had to entertain herself in such an environment and clearly, it’s stressing her out being without her only packmate. She requires both social interaction and physical activity, but above all of that, needs mental stimulation.  

Like a toddler left without a guardian, Sputnik has decided that she can tear apart the house and garden while unattended. Plants have been torn out of the ground, wooden structures gnawed to bits, and most concerningly, large holes dug along the fence line.  

The situation is far from ideal, but Nikto does not abandon his own. He isn’t like those bastards at the CIA who are willing to leave those loyal to them knowing full well they will perish without help. He made that decision a long time ago, and Sputnik’s very name is a tribute to that.  

It was only three years ago, but it felt like eons. It started with a small enemy group hidden deep within the South African wilderness who were utilising spotted hyenas as guard animals. Nikto and his team had cut through the animals both outside and inside the building, even the ones hidden away in the basement below. 

In the end, only a single cub remained; a tiny girl still nestled up against the steadily cooling body of her mother. She couldn’t have been more than a week or two of age, bright eyed as all hyena newborns are, and covered in scraggly fur.  

The other men on the team planned on putting the animal out of her misery, but the sight gave Nikto pause. She was small and defenceless, and abandoned by her cowardly handlers to be killed by their enemy. It was a story he couldn’t help but find familiar. Picking up the infant, she snuggles into his vest, completely trusting of him despite not having known him for more than a few seconds.  

She whines and licks at him as he tucks her into his shirt, safe and warm pressed up against scarred skin. No one says a word, when he leaves the compound with the cub and boards the waiting helicopter for the trip back to base.  

His first thought was to name her Laika, but that name seemed a little too common for his taste, and so he chose Sputnik, the name of Laika’s space capsule and eventual tomb. A tribute to yet another stray who was left behind by those who should have protected her.  

Sputnik would not suffer the same fate; she would never be disregarded like a broken toy thrown into the trash. She’s good, she’s loyal, she trusts Nikto unconditionally. Destroying a bit of property would never be a reason to break that trust.  

Instead, he presses dial on your number and holds his phone to his ear. He’s been thinking it over for several minutes, finger hovering over the button with your contact listed, before forcing himself to press it. For a long while it rings and he’s about to give up when you finally answer with a bright greeting to whoever is on the other side.  

He grunts out your name, listening as you happily chirp his own back at him in return. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” you ask. He can hear the soft rumbling of a car’s engine in the background and can only assume you’re driving somewhere.  

“I require... assistance,” he says after a long pause, letting the conversation drift into silence. While it isn’t necessarily help he’s asking for, it still rankles deeply that he isn’t solving the issue alone. He despises being indebted to anyone for anything, but for some reason he doesn’t get the feeling you’re out to acquire favours from anyone. You’re a professional merely doing what you’re trained for and nothing more. He can admire that.  

“What can I help you with? Is Sputnik alright?” You sound so genuinely concerned about her, so much so that it sounds like you almost drop your phone.  

He glances down at the hyena laying happily at his feet, panting up at him with a broad grin. “She is fine,” he confirms, catching the relieved sigh you let out, “it is behavioural issues she is dealing with.”  

You make a soft sound, clearly intrigued, “well, I’m on the road at the moment heading toward my next appointment, but I should have time to drop in to your place in a few hours. Will you be around then?”  

“да,” he hums, “we will be here.”  

“Perfect! I’ll be there in a few,” you confirm, and after offering an acknowledging grunt, he ends the call.  

He goes to pocket the phone but pauses, glancing at your number. Mulling it over for a good long while, he selects the number and adds it to his contacts. There’s only two other people there, one of them his current workplace and the other one of his old acquaintances from before even his time in KorTac.  

A rather dramatic huff from Sputnik draws his attention from staring at his phone, and he watches her with hidden amusement as she rolls over onto her stomach. She looks up at him with big, sad eyes and a pathetic whine. When he merely rolls his eyes at her she playfully snaps her teeth in his direction.  

“Я не знал, что ты такая королева драмы,” he growls back, curling the undamaged part of his lip at her.  

The hyena, fortunately, can tell he’s still joking despite his deadpan tone and leaps to her feet with a delighted cackle. She shakes out her coat, biting at the air. The moment he so much as twitches a finger in her direction she turns and leaps off the top of the deck, forgoing the stairs so she can sprint across the yard.  

Nikto stands from his chair but doesn’t give chase, watching as the crazy animal spins around in circles before darting off toward the dam again. She dives into the water with a splash, sending muddy water in all directions. He cringes slightly at the sight of the hyena now dripping with muck. At least he was already planning on hosing her down. The rest of the afternoon passes slowly, with Nikto taking some time to rest while Sputnik causes minimal trouble.  

When your car finally does pull up, the poor girl has exhausted herself again, laying in a pile of leaves while she happily naps away. The moment her flicking ears pick up the sound of your truck on the gravel she jumps up again, eyes wide as she takes in the familiar sight. She’s already giggling to herself with excitement, looking between Nikto and your vehicle.  

“место!” Nikto calls, ignoring the sad whimper that earns. He approaches when you pull up, patiently waiting as you drop out of the front seat and close the door behind you.  

When you spot him, you offer a wave and grin, “hey, Nikto!” You take a moment to glance over at Sputnik and he can see her near enough vibrating with how excited she is to come over and greet you out of the corner of her eye. “How’ve you been doing?” you stop just before him, looking him right in the eye, completely unfazed by the monster you’re facing down.  

“We are fine,” he says, perhaps a little too firmly given the way you blink at him, “we require some assistance with behavioural issues.” He quickly amends his statement in the hopes of not immediately scaring you off.  

Fortunately, you’re quick to bounce back, a smile returning to your face, “of course, what sorts of problems are you experiencing?”  

“Спутник!” The hyena’s head shoots up upon hearing her name, “ко мне!” She sprints across the grass, very nearly crashing into his legs with her enthusiasm to heed her owner’s command. “She is getting bored when left alone,” he explains, watching as you reach your hand out for the hyena, “eating walls, digging holes, breaking everything she can reach.”  

Sputnik snuffles at your hand, before whining and immediately shifting to lean up against you, demanding pets. You scratch behind her neck and Sputnik’s tongue lolls out of her mouth in delight. “I’m sure we can work something out to help prevent her from damaging anything else or accidentally eating something she shouldn’t be.”  

“She struggles when left alone, especially during work hours,” he adds on, turning and starting to stalk toward the side of the house where the majority of the damage can be seen.  

“Okay, well she sounds like she just needs some enrichment to keep her occupied while you’re away,” you nod to yourself as you follow Nikto around to the side of the house. Several of the small plants that had been happily growing in little spots around the yard have been either pulled from the soil or completely shredded if they couldn’t be moved.  

You look at the scattered remains of the poor shed’s wall, but don’t look entirely surprised by the backyard warzone you’ve stepped into. You frown down at Sputnik, scratching her between the ears, “what a silly girl,” you coo, rubbing at her ears as the hyena grins up at you with half-lidded eyes, “you shouldn’t be eating all this stuff, it’ll make your tummy sore!” 

Somehow, your baby-talk voice just serves to make Sputnik even giddier, and she eagerly licks at the tips of your fingers. Nikto almost rolls his eyes at the little heart eyes the animal is subjecting you to. It’s impressive, really, how she can remember someone is a friend from only a single interaction.  

When you snap back from your babying of the animal, you quickly refocus. “Hyenas have very powerful jaws, and they love to chew things, so if she doesn’t have enough to keep her entertained then she’ll find something to destroy.”  

“She was given an old tyre a few weeks ago, but it only lasted a few days.” To say he was deeply unimpressed with how quickly she’d torn it to pieces would be an understatement. He knew that Sputnik had quite the bite on her, but to chomp through nine millimetres of rubber like it’s cardboard? Impressive, if a little annoying.  

“How big is your freezer?” you abruptly ask him, and Nikto suddenly worries where this line of questioning is going. Does he need to check the trunk of your car? Regardless, he offers you a nod.  

“Perfect!” You clap your hands together, making Sputnik jump excitedly at the sudden sound, “it’s supposed to be quite hot tomorrow, so I can think of at least one idea for her.” You start listing out what the two of you are going to do rapid-fire with the same confidence and efficiency of any commanding officer.  

You’re in your element, your passion for your work clear as day and you have him following your every instruction. You’re like a fount of knowledge when it comes to anything and everything husbandry related, suggesting changes to Sputnik’s diet, new toys to keep her entertained, and ways to prevent her from destroying anything she really shouldn’t be messing with.  

When you finally end up leaving, it’s long past sundown. Sputnik has grown bored of watching the two of you working in the shed and has retired to her massive dog bed for a nap, so the two of you have been working in comfortable silence. He’s glad you don’t feel the need to fill the air with irritating chatter, only offering corrections here and there.  

He escorts you to back to your truck, closing your door behind you once you’re settled comfortably into the driver’s seat. You roll down the window and offer him a grin, but he can see just how tired you are given how your eyes are slightly drooped. “How much do we owe?” he asks, quickly tearing his gaze from your sweet smile.  

Little wrinkles appear across your forehead as your lips turn downward, an innocent, confused look on your face, “owe you?” 

He resists the urge to roll his eyes and instead just huffs in mild amusement, “payment, for your work.” 

Your eyes light up in understanding and you laugh, “oh, no, don’t worry about that,” you wave him off, “I’m just happy to help out.” You just smile up at him, as if you can’t see anything wrong with what you just said.  

Nikto is forced to remind himself that you’re a civilian, not another untrustworthy operator. Not everyone does things purely for the pay they’ll be rewarded with, even if the very thought of not giving you something in return makes him uncomfortable. He holds his hand out to you, “phone.”  

You blink at him for a second, but quickly do as you’re told, just like the good girl you are. He goes into your contacts and adds his number and details, hitting save the moment he’s done. He doesn’t bother adding a picture, passing your phone back to you, “call us when you require assistance.” He waits until you offer him a nod before he steps back from the side of the car.  

You have an odd, flustered look on your face for some reason, but you’re quick to snap out of whatever daze you're in and give him a quick wave as you put your truck into reverse. He watches silently as you disappear back down the driveway and into the steadily darkening evening, waiting until you’re out of sight.  

Sputnik is absolutely delighted the following morning when Nikto presents her with her blood and peanut butter ice block.

-

Translations

“да,” - “Yes” 

“Я не знал, что ты такая королева драмы,” - “I didn't know you were such a drama queen,”  

“место!” - “Stay!” 

“Спутник!” - “Sputnik!” 

“ко мне!” - “Come!”  

#writing #call of duty modern warfare #reader insert #call of duty nikto #cowboy au #nikto x reader #fanfic

[photmath]

Reine - Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Wrist Kisses

Summary: Your twin brother was getting ready to travel the world and what better way to send him off than a week-long get together with him and your friends in a remote town outside Lyon, France.

Pairing: Kylian Mbappe x Reader

Word Count: 12.0k (I got carried away)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), cursing, slight angst, brief heartbreak, weddings, bittersweet, last chapter :(

A/N: Happy New Year!! This is the last chapter, it has been an honor writing this story for you all. What started off as a silly idea that I blabbed to my best friend with that quickly became acknowledged by others. I’m so glad that you have enjoyed, shared, and liked this story. I hope you guys enjoy reading the last chapter and I look forward to writing out more smaller drabbles of Kylian and Reine. <3 

Note: There is an image of the dress the reader wears but it doesn’t represent the intended skin color, hair, etc of her.

Kylian had called you later that day, his voice thrilled but withholding.

“I promise it’s nothing to worry about,” he said. “I don’t want you struggling to sleep. I’ll tell you when I land in person—okay, I have to go, bye! I love you!”

Before you could respond, he hung up the phone and you just let out a laugh out of bewilderment. The phone call hadn’t even been a minute long and the fact that your heart didn’t squeeze in anxiousness, made you feel happy.

------

The drive back to Paris had gone fast and peaceful. Theo drove the first three hours and then you switched with him for the last two hours. The two of you talked about school and his first destination spots, including the one he was most excited about. A part of you felt jealous that he was going to be traveling while you’d be stuck in uni, but you had one more year before you’d be taking on the world.

Instead of going back to your apartment, you decided to head home, where Theo and your mom lived. You usually spent most of the break with her, even if the apartment you shared with Lili and Ana was thirty minutes away.

Theo and you were gathering your bags out of his car and the other supplies he had brought when you heard the front door open. Your mother met you halfway, engulfing you in a hug, “Oh, mon bébé, it’s so good to see you!”

“I saw you a week ago, Mamam,” you laugh in her embrace, wanting to return the hug but your hands are full. You kiss her cheek instead.

“I know, but I always miss you when you are away,” she says.

You smile at her, reminding yourself to visit her more often now that Theo would be gone. You had stayed close to home when deciding uni, not wanting to leave your mother alone, but somehow the distance still felt far for her.

She lets you go and you hoist your suitcase up the stairs to your childhood bedroom. The walls were painted maroon, a color that you were glad you chose instead of the vibrant teal blue that Ana wanted you to get. Your twin-sized bed tucked against the wall because you always craved for more floor space.

You set the suitcase down, running your hands against the white bed sheets. You hadn’t come up to the room often, wanting to memorialize the person you were in high school and younger years of school. The room in your apartment was the current you, but this, this was your building ground.

Pictures of you and the group thumb-tacked against the wall. Pictures of you and your father. You move a picture of you and Theo, knowing that the person being covered with another picture was Kylian. Kylian looked into the camera with a shy smile, Theo’s arms draped around the both of you. You had to be around fourteen during this time.

Your eyes go to another picture. One in which you are all older and in high school, Kylian’s presence is still covered. This picture was of everyone, including Ana’s ex-girlfriend. You slide the picture more to show Kylian. He looked exhausted but what caught your attention was who Kylian was looking at. You. You had been standing next to Lili and Kylian seemed to be focused on you, his hands in his pockets as his eyes looked fondly at you.

You feel yourself smiling to yourself as you pinch the image between your fingers.

You unzip your suitcase and carefully dig for Kylian’s daisies and vase. You had taped the dandelion against the vase so that it stayed preserved. You pull out the daisies and tie them together with a rubber band, hanging them upside down on your wall for the moment. You wanted to keep them and knew that preserving them was a delicate process. You close your suitcase and tuck it away.

There’s a knock on the door that interrupts you, you turn slowly towards it, Theo stands at the door with an envelope in his hand. He smiles softly, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

He flaps the envelope in his hand, wrapping his fingers around it, “Um, Papa wrote you a letter before you went to Mexico. You were supposed to open it when you got back before school started…when he’d be away on his business trip, but it got lost.”

A business trip to Madrid that he’d never make.

You furrow your eyebrows and your heart suddenly feels tight, “A letter?”

Theo nods, “Yeah. I was supposed to give it to you but you know…I misplaced it and I thought I lost it for years. I found it the other day when I was packing my bags. I didn’t want to give it to you on the trip, thinking it’d be too heavy, so here.”

He walks towards you sheepishly and hands you the envelope. It felt dusty and the corners of it seemed to have been bent, one torn off. You look up at him and he gives you another reassuring smile. “Did you get one?”

“I did, years ago,” he chuckles. “I still have it.”

You turn the envelope in your hands. It had still been sealed shut so no one else had read it. You are slightly shocked as you look at your dad’s handwriting. Reine. It had been so long since you had last seen the way he would write your name. The ‘R’ swooping around the rest of the letters, to dot the ‘i.’ The capital “N” he would write instead of a lowercase one.

Theo gives you a kiss on your forehead and then closes your door, leaving you in your own silence.

You sit on your bed and take a deep breath. All you had wanted when you were younger was more time to express your appreciation for all that your father had done for you and Theo. Him somehow getting the last word in, made you feel nauseous but warm.

You rip the top flap of the envelope open, hesitating to slip the piece of paper out. This would be the last bit you would have of him and you wanted to dwell on it for a moment.

You set the envelope aside and unfold the letter, tears already brimming your eyes as you look at the date. It was written two days before he got into his car accident. You take a deep breath before you read the first lines:

Ma petite Reine, you have grown so fast in front of me and this was your first big trip. The first time out of the country! I can’t wait for you to continue exploring the world and hear about everything that you saw in Mexico. Mexico being the first country is a little shocker, why couldn’t you go to Spain? Why must you go across the sea?

You chuckle at his words and wipe away a few tears.

Anyway, I’m glad you’ve gotten out there. I want you to. You deserve it. I see the way you stay up hours studying and learning material. You are going to do so good in school and I want you to follow your passion. Right now, it seems to be chemistry, and if it’s chemistry, go for it, ma Reine. Even if you’re the only one doing it. If it changes, chase that one too.

But don’t chase a boy.

You cover your mouth to let out another laugh. Your father had heard too many conversations of your crushes growing up.

Kylian seems to have grown a crush on you, which is not something I like to hear from a raging hormonal fifteen year old boy. He told me one day while we were out putting together the shed, but I’ve seen it brewing long before.

Your eyebrows furrow at his comments about Kylian. Your father and Kylian had a nice relationship, that you can recall. Theo, Laurent, Kylian, and Kylian’s little brother, Ethan, would tag along with your dad on trips to do mundane tasks—like to the hardware store, or to play football down the street.

But when he talked to Kylian about this crush, you can’t recall when, if any, shift in mood happened. The shed, however, had been finished almost six months before your father passed away, so it had been a while. Months before Kylian’s taunting started.

He wanted my permission to ask you on a date to the movies. And I nearly knocked him down the ladder.

You grin through tears. Your father had always been protective of you, especially when you started getting into liking boys. The idea of you coming of age to have a crush on boys nearly gave him a heart attack.

I see the way you and Kylian hang out. He is a sweet kid, Reine, but don’t abandon your dreams for him. He wants to go big and make it into the league—and he will. I know it. But, Reine, don’t give up on your dreams to follow him. You first, always.

However, you’ll be proud to know that I suggested he ask you to a picnic instead. I know you hate the idea of movies as a first date, and if by the time you read this letter, he hasn’t asked you out, pretend you didn’t know. He’s been working up the courage.

I’m only giving you permission because he seems nervous—not because I told him I’d pull out all his teeth one by one if I found out he hurt you.

You smirk at his words. He had known you for sure, and god did you miss him.

I kind of pity him. He doesn’t seem to know how to express his thoughts correctly, and despite me trying to correct him, I think it will take time. So give him a chance. I like him and he’s respectful, but he needs a little more guidance, so don’t be upset with him if he seems unsure about something. Be patient and talk it out, he’ll listen. I would hate for you to stop being friends on something he screwed up with if this doesn’t work out.

If only you knew, Papa.

I’m not saying you should go on this date with him, I highly discourage it if anything, but if there is one guy I would want you to end up with, it’s Kylian. He’ll protect you when I no longer can and the way he looks at you—it makes me want to slap him for looking at my daughter that way—but it’s also everything a father would want for their daughter.

I want you to be happy, nevertheless, so don’t beat yourself up if you don’t like him back or he is too immature for you. Time will only tell.

Okay, enough about him, I’m not sure why I decided to go on a tangent about him. I think it’s because I started dating your mother at this age. I know that you’re starting to think about boyfriends and what not, but I want you to be happy, regardless if you’re with someone or not. Be happy with yourself first. The right person will come along when it’s time. I promise.

I’m beyond proud of the woman you are becoming. Swear on it, me and your mom are the proudest parents of all of France. I want you to keep on traveling, but if it’s something that you don’t enjoy as much as your brother does, don’t do it. That goes for anything. Don’t waste your time on things you dislike.

The group of friends you have are amazing, I don’t want you to lose them. I want to see them grow up and see who they become. You and Theo created a good group and I’m so glad you have them, ma petite Reine. Your future traveling buddies.

Oh and one more thing, good luck for the next school year. This one will get a little tougher, but not as tough as the next one. You got it. You’re prepared. You may get more busy with studying for these different classes, but make time to spend time with your friends—and us, your parents and brother.

Call me when you get back from Mexico, I should already be in Madrid.

Gros bisous, Papa

You fold the letter back up and stifle the sob that escapes your mouth. You knew it was going to be heartfelt and long based on the sheer length of it but this was beyond. He had written the letter as if you had more time together. You never got to tell him about your trip to Mexico, let alone the falling out with Kylian.

You couldn’t even imagine if you had read this during the time you were supposed to. How awfully everything would have been different. How you would know about Kylian’s crush, but him never acting on it and instead acting out.

God, that probably would have been so much worse. Your mind drags on thinking about the what if’s and you shake your head, trying to get rid of them.

You were a bit upset that the entirety of the letter had been about Kylian and the idea of you starting to date. You wanted more of him—something about his travels, something that happened at work, or something that he built in the garage. So many letters that he had written to you in the past were stuffed in the bottom drawer of your dresser, their corners sticking out.

Your father hadn’t been thinking his last letter would be about a boy, so you appreciate it wholeheartedly either way. These words would have served you so much better as a teenager, but even now as an adult, they help you understand him and Kylian. Especially the parts of Kylian he knew before he passed away. He liked him a lot.

There’s a knock on your door and you know it’s Theo by the way his knocks rattle against it. You sink down to the edge of your bed and sob into your knees. Theo’s arms are around you fast, encasing you.

He holds you as your body continues to shake. Going back to uni in a couple of weeks was going to be a lot more difficult, but you were healing.

Theo wraps his hand around your head, pulling you closer to him, “He’s proud of you, Reine.”

“I know,” you croak, your sobs go quiet. Soft giggles escape your mouth before you can stop yourself. You fling the letter in front of him and he lets out a snort.

“And here I thought you were sad.”

You wipe your tears, picking up your head. You muster up a sad smile, “I am. I miss him so much. He wanted me to call him when I came back from Mexico.”

Theo frowns, his hand clutching yours, “I’m sorry I lost the letter.”

“It’s okay,” you say, sniffling. It was true. “I think I would be a completely different person had I read this after I returned.”

“You think so?”

You nod, “Definitely.”

Theo’s thumb brushes up against your cheek, wiping away the last bits of your tears, “He told me to watch out for you—although you probably wouldn’t need it.”

You laugh and lean your head onto him, “He was such an amazing father.”

Theo nods, “He was. Taught me everything I need to know to be just like him.”

“I wish he was still here.”

“You and I both,” he sighs.

Memories of your father flash through your mind, but they’re brief, quick flashes. Him tucking you into bed. Him singing you ‘happy birthday’ with a single cupcake and a candle lit. Him teaching Theo how to drive while you sat in the back seat. And his overall patience when he taught you new things. He had built you a bookshelf, showing and explaining each tool, each measurement, each screw and nail. He showed you how to use each tool and you felt so powerful holding that knowledge, having curated a little wooden  house the next day.

You stare at the now painted and sanded down house in the corner of your desk. Then, it suddenly dawned on you. You rip out of Theo’s arm and he stares at you with panicked, curious eyes as you throw open your suitcase. You grab your clothes and move them, searching for Kylian’s mug. You grab it and stare at it in awe.

It was the exact replica of the house you had created years ago on your desk.

The black strokes matched the edges you painted in black. And the vibrant red roof is the exact same. The crooked window is tilted nearly the same angle and the door is the same: a crescent moon shape as the window and its doorknob on the right side.

“Holy shit,” you whisper. You felt so incredibly slow for not recognizing the house earlier. Your mind was wrapped around too many things to have noticed.

Theo is still blatantly confused on the floor as you bring the mug to the house. You stutter, “Kylian’s a fucking wizard.”

“What?”

The two of you hear the doorbell go off and you almost want to laugh at the coincidence. Every neuron in your brain telling you who that was before you even have to take a guess. You put the mug down and fold the letter, tucking it back into the envelope and laying it against your desk.

Theo stands up, following closely behind you.

You can already make out Kylian’s frame through the stained glass window of the front door. You open it and Kylian immediately erupts into laughter as rain starts pouring down behind him. He holds a bouquet of yellow daffodils in his hand, tied together with a string. You shake your head grinning as you pull him into a hug. He picks you up a bit as he squeezes you tighter, making sure the flowers don’t get ruined.

“You have the face,” he says. “Spill it.”

You take in his piney smell and the smell of the rain already sinking into his hoodie. You can feel Kylian unclasp one of his arms around you to greet Theo. Then, you hear the door shut and you pull away from him.

He kisses your forehead, “I’m happy to see you too.”

“I’m so in love with you,” you admit and he furrows his eyebrows.

“Hmm,” his eyes squint as he flicks your forehead, “I think you might have carbon monoxide poisoning.”

You can’t help but burst into a smile and he snickers, leaning down to give you a soft but eager kiss. A hand of his sneaks to your neck and he notices your eyes are still brimmed red when he pulls back, “Have you been crying?"

You nod, “I read a letter from my dad.”

His eyebrows raise, “A letter? Oh, that’s sweet.”

“It was sad, but I’m okay.”

He leans his head against yours gingerly before standing up, “Okay. C’mon, let's go inside before we both get sick out here. The wind is picking up.”

You nod, grabbing for the flowers from his hand as you open the door for him. Your mom stands on the other side of the door, clapping her hands, “Kylian! I am so happy to see you again.”

Kylian pulls your mom into a hug, a grin spreading across his face, “It’s good to see you again, it’s been what—a year?” Kylian sends you a look as you tilt your head confused. He saw her a year ago? He winks at you as you walk further into the house, going towards the kitchen to grab you and Kylian a water bottle.

He laughs at something your mom says and you can’t help but to feel your heart warm.

“Go,” you hear your mom say. “Food will be ready in about an hour.”

“Oh, that’s great,” Kylian replies.

You open the fridge and feel Kylian’s presence as he beams at you. The tan coat he had been wearing now under his arm, leaving him in his hoodie. You give him the other water bottle and close the door, leading him upstairs to your bedroom.

As the two of you pass Theo’s bedroom, he yells, “No funny business!”

You and Kylian laugh as you enter your bedroom. You set the daffodils on your desk momentarily.

“Wow,” Kylian says in awe. He spins around as his eyes scan your room, “I haven’t been in here in years.”

“Glad to know you didn’t snoop around when you came over.”

He grins, “Never.” He sits down on your bed and bounces, “Tiny little bed.”

You laugh, “Shush.”

He holds out his arms for you, beckoning you over. You go towards him and he pulls you into a hug, kissing you repeatedly on your neck.

“I’m surprised you haven’t torn apart this room wondering what the meeting was about.”

You giggle, “You’d be surprised to know that my world doesn’t stop turning because you had a meeting.”

He raises his eyebrows, “Really?”

He pushes himself against the wall, his legs dangling off the bed. You lay in between his thighs and cross your legs so that you don't slip off the bed. His hands wrap around your stomach as he leans his head down into your neck, his breathing fanning against your skin.

You rub your hands against his calves, squeezing them through his black trousers, “What was the meeting about?”

“I’m getting put on loan.”

Instead of your heart clenching, you just feel relaxed. He hadn’t even told you where but you knew wherever he went, the two of you would be fine.

He kisses your neck, “To PSG.”

This, however, makes you freeze. You whip your head towards him, “What?”

He breaks out into a smile, the crinkles in his eyes deepening, “I’m coming home, mon amour.”

“No way.”

He nods, “Yes. I’m glad no one told you and you didn’t go searching it up online.”

You let the scream of excitement that bubbles in your throat come out and he winces and then chuckles. You reach up to kiss him on his dimple, “That makes me so much happier.”

“Me too,” he sighs. “Yesterday, when I called you, I was at the airport waiting for my flight here. I went to tell my mom about making the French team and then after that excitement died down, I told her about moving to PSG and she started crying.” He laughs and you just stare at him in silent awe. “I thought I gave her a heart attack.”

You laugh, pinching yourself that this was real.

“But anyway, I’m already looking at apartments. Right now, I’m at home with my mom,” he says, his hand toying with the material of your shirt. “I drove here without the GPS.”

He had remembered the route on how to get to your house from his and that made you let out an endearing smile, “Aww.”

“Okay, okay, enough about me.” You watch as he leans his head against the wall, his eyes glancing at the pictures of when you were kids. His hands leave your shirt as he traces the edges of them and then he laughs, “God, Reine, you were so blind.”

He’s staring at the picture of him looking at you fondly and your cheeks heat up. You close your eyes as he laughs.

“That little house you drew on your mug,” you start.

You feel him turn his neck and look towards your desk instinctively. You can feel the dip of his stomach as he laughs, “I see you figured that out.”

“How did you remember the house?”

His hands clutch your waist, “Because Reine, you were so proud of it when you showed it to me. You wouldn’t stop talking about it. I was ready to critique the window, but then I saw the carved out moon and I knew that there was no way I could top that.” You feel him shrug, “I don’t know, I thought it was really impressive. It stayed on my mind for a while.”

You snort, “Ahh, so you were jealous?”

“Definitely.”

You laugh, “That is sweet.”

“I did think it was marvelous Reine.” He kisses your temple. “I missed your art.”

You smile at his words. Despite him being impressed with your work, you were more captivated at his memory. How he remembered the details of the house was touching. He hadn’t seen the house in years, but he remembered the window being angled to the left.

He hums, “Although, you forgot one.”

“Forgot what?”

He pats your thighs and you sit up. He slides out from you and walks towards your window, kneeling down at the curtain. You lean forward to get a better view of what he was doing. He turns the curtain around and there taped up against the inside of it is a plastic daffodil.

Your jaw drops, “No way. How long has that been there?”

He peels the daffodil from the curtain and twirls it in his finger, holding it out towards you, “I put it here when we were fourteen. After I got you that bouquet for Valentine’s Day. Although I had hoped you found this years ago.”

You cover your mouth with your hands in just pure awe, “We could’ve had the greatest love story as kids.”

He chuckles, “We still can, hopefully I don’t ruin this one, too.”

You swat at his shoulder, “Kyks!”

“I’m kidding.”

“Are there any more surprises I should beware of?”

He shakes his head, “Nope.”

You take the daffodil from his hands reluctantly and you notice the collection of dust it had started to collect. Your eyes go to the yellow dandelion taped against his blue-green stained vase. You squint. You don’t really remember Kylian being obsessed with flowers as kids but maybe he had picked up on it now. “Kylian.”

He climbs to his spot behind you, “Hmm?”

“Did you get a dandelion and daffodil confused?”

You can feel his chest shake before you hear his laugh, “I did.”

The two of you share a small laugh.

“They are both yellow,” he explains. “I thought they were the same thing but then I realized one of them was a weed—and you weren’t going to tell me?”

“You were so happy about it I didn’t want to ruin your moment.”

He shakes his head, “And then the daisies, I saw them so I stuck with the flowers that started with a ‘d.’ My next one to find is a dahlia—but I hear those are difficult to find in the winter.”

His sudden knowledge about flowers made your insides feel gooey. You peck his chiseled jaw and he leans his head down into your lips.

“I’m serious, I’m getting you that dahlia,” he murmurs before he kisses you again. His hand grabs a hold of your outstretched neck and his entire hand being gently planted on your neck makes you shiver. His entire palm spanned across your neck and tips of his fingertips reached the nape of your neck.

He pulls back with a shaky breath, and a small moan escapes your mouth. He smirks as his eyes look back at your door. A mischievous grin spreads on his face but he shakes his head. The two actions are a juxtaposition.

He lets out a trembling sigh, “I think we’d break your bed, Reine.”

“Only one way to find out.”

His eyes scan yours, his grin widening, “Perhaps.”

You slip out from his grip and are quick to straddle his thighs. You let out a huff at the sudden stretch of your thighs. His hands slip underneath your shirt and he roams the small of your back, connecting his lips on yours. Your hands are already cradling his head as you sink your hips lower into his.

He lets out a small grunt, pressing his hands tighter against your back. You can already feel his bulge against his pants and he groans at the growing tightness.

Before your hands can reach down to touch him, there’s a knock on the door that startles the both of you. You swing off of him as he slowly brings his knees up to hide his boner. He lets out a pained sigh.

“Reine!” Your mother calls out on the other end of the door.

“Yes, Mama?” You call back, trying to sound calm.

“Food is ready.”

“Okay! We’ll be down there soon,” you say. You listen for her footsteps to walk away and then you and Kylian let out heavy breaths.

He groans, “Is this what highschool would’ve been like if we were together?”

You shake your head, trying to hide the embarrassment from almost getting caught, “Unfortunately.”

He pinches at his pants and sighs. His breathing is heavy as you watch his stomach rise and fall, “I love you.”

A smile tugs at your lips as you get up, “I love you.” You lean over to kiss him but he turns away so your lips land on his cheek.

“No, no, you’re going to excite him more,” he protests, pushing you away.

Your face twists in disgust but you laugh anyway, “I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay.”

He eyes you and you try to not let his trailing eyes make you more flustered but they do. You look away and toss his coat at him, “Vamos.”

------

ONE DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING

“Mamam,” you groan, calling out for your mother. Why she decided to wait until the final minute to buy a dress for the wedding, was beyond you. You put the dress she disapproved of back onto the rack, waiting for her to try on the other dress.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket as you take a seat in one of the chairs in the waiting area, you see Kylian’s face on the screen. His contact picture being the picture you took of him at the waterfall: Kyki.

“Hey,” you smile to yourself as you answer. You hear him shuffle around on the other end.

“Oh wow, hi,” he sounds breathless and you furrow your eyebrows but remain content. “I didn’t expect you to answer.”

“Why is that?”

“Thought you’d be prancing around with Ana,” he teases.

You let out a small laugh, “Cute. What’s up?”

He blows out a raspberry, “So I got a new car.”

“Mmm,” you mumble, closing your eyes and momentarily imagining the luxury to suddenly buy a new car.

“Anyway.” You can hear the sound of a car door closing, the wind blowing into the phone. “I wanted to steal you for coffee and a book.”

“That sounds refreshing, mon amour, but unfortunately I’m stuck at the mall with my mom buying her a dress for the wedding.”

You can hear the lace of confusion in his voice, “Right now?”

“Mmhmm.”

He kisses his teeth, “I’d expect nothing less.”

You grin, “Maybe I can squeeze out of here in an hour.”

“Yes, do that,” Kylian encourages and then he chuckles into the phone, “or I could persuade her.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Anything for you, but okay, I’ll text you in an hour, kisses, ma chérie,” you hear him making kissing noises on the phone and you cringe while shaking your head, “I love you.”

“I love you,” you laugh, hanging up the phone.

Your mom comes out of the fitting room with a light pink colored dress on, “I love this one.”

You give her a small smile, “It looks lovely.”

And it does. Your mind shifts to your father, he always loved her in pink.

She stares at herself in the mirror with a fond smile on her face and you blink away your tears. She was most likely thinking the same thing.

She changes out of the dress and you pay for it at the register. Any other day you would have flinched at the price but not today, you wanted her to feel and look special at the wedding too. Ana’s mom, Guadalupe, and your mom had become close friends through the friendship of you and Ana.

You drive back to the house in content silence. As you pull into your driveway, you see Kylian and Theo on the front lawn. Theo was slouched in a lawn chair while Kylian had found the hammock in storage and tied it up between the trees.

A smile spreads across his lips as he sees you step out.

“Mes chéris!” he yells. He carefully rolls out of the hammock and saunters towards you, taking your face into his hands and giving you a kiss on your cheek. He then goes around the car to help your mother out of the car. She gives him the dress to hold and he lets out a hoot. “This is really nice!”

“Merci, Kylian,” your mother says. Theo grabs the dress from Kylian and accompanies her inside. Kylian grins at you from the other side of the car. You hadn’t even closed the door yet and at this point, there was no point of doing so.

You motion to get inside and he ducks down, getting inside.

“Don’t kill me now, Reine,” he says as he puts his seat belt on.

“Oh shut up,” you shush. He snickers, leaning over to kiss you. “I thought you said you bought a new car, where is it?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“For who?”

“You.”

You furrow your eyebrows, “I don’t want a new car. I appreciate this old Honda.” You tap on your steering wheel and he chuckles.

“I want you to see it when I pick you up for the wedding,” he says, leaning against the headrest. His hand finds your thigh, strumming his fingers along it.

“Is it nice?” you look at him curiously. The black long sleeve shirt hugging his shoulders made him look extremely nice that you do a double take as you turn the car on.

He nods, “I think you’d like it.”

“I don’t need fancy cars to woo me, Ky,” you say, still not having backed out of the driveway.

“I know,” he winks.

You roll your eyes while letting out a laugh, “Just making sure.”

You finally put the car in reverse and back out, driving to an old cafe that you and the group had spent some study sessions at. Kylian had shown up a couple of times to it so you weren’t sure if he was going to remember it.

It wasn’t that very far so you arrive quickly and you glance at Kylian to see if he’s remembered the cafe. The surrounding stores had changed but not this quaint one.

He gives you a knowing smile, “You’re sweet.”

You let out a laugh as you park the car, “I think Sylvie will be the happiest to see you. She’s like your number one fan.”

Sylvie was the owner of the cafe and barista who was well in her late sixties. She had watched you and the group grow up here.

“Ahh, Sylvie,” he whispers. “You’d be surprised to know I have visited her.”

“God, and that photo of you on the wall,” you roll your eyes. “I would hate seeing it.”

He lets out a loud laugh, “You could never escape me, I love it.”

He steps out and meets you on the other side, holding your hand as you walk in. The same bell that you had heard for years jingles as you enter and Sylvie turns towards it.

Her face lights up immediately, “Oh! Reine.” She clasps her hands as she walks around the counter to stand in front of you. She pulls you into a hug and you smile in her embrace. She squeezes you and sways before she pulls back. “And Kylian, come here.”

He chuckles as he bends down to hug down, “It’s good to see you.”

“My heart is absolutely exploding at the sight of you two,” she beams. She watches Kylian pull you in closer to him. “Aww, Kylian, you finally got the girl.”

“I did,” he says proudly, kissing your head.

Your heart swoons and you have to blink away your tears for the second time of the day. You thought you would be bringing Kylian to Sylvie, but instead it seemed it was the other way around.

“I’ll bring you your drinks out quickly. Go sit,” she ushers.

Kylian leads you to a tiny table in the corner and takes a seat in front of you. The ghost of a smile has yet to leave his lips.

“Where’s your book?” he asks.

“Where’s yours?”

“Touché,” he smirks.

You debate on telling him what the letter said. He hadn’t asked about it and you knew he wasn’t going to, he was too respectful to even think about it. You think about how telling him what your father said would change anything. Did Kylian know what he thought of him? You didn’t know.

Sylvie comes by and sets two hot lattes on the table and the two of you thank her and she walks away.

Maybe he did deserve to know.

“The letter my dad wrote…it was written to me a few days before he passed away,” you start. Your eyes skim up to his and his soften. You play with the handle of the mug. “He wrote about you.”

There’s a small crease in his eyebrows as he brings his mug to his lips, taking a sip, “Really?”

You clear your throat, “I was supposed to read it before school started but I never got the chance. Anyway, he said you were a sweet kid, that you were respectful and he liked you a lot.”

Kylian leans back in his seat, a slight smile tugging on his lips, and a blush? Were his cheeks really turning slightly pink or were you imagining it? His eyes dart to his mug.

“But you lacked guidance,” you say, your voice light.

He chuckles, “Guidance?”

You nod, “That you don’t know how to express your thoughts correctly.”

He raises his eyebrows, his jaw dropping, “I mean he wasn’t wrong.”

“Never that,” you say and the two of you share a laugh. His knees underneath the table bump into yours but he doesn’t move them away. “You told him you had a crush on me.”

He nearly chokes on his spit and shakes his head, “No, no, he ripped it out of me.”

You throw your head back in laughter, somehow, this had sounded very likely.

“Theo had been talking about this girl and then your dad just straight up put me on the spot like, ‘Hey, stop looking at my daughter that way.’ I was so embarrassed,” he laughs. “But then yeah, I told him.” He says it so casually, like this wouldn’t have changed a decent part of your life had you known when you were fifteen.

You toss a plastic covered straw towards him and he chortles. You titter, “You were never going to tell me anything.”

He rubs his eyes with his hands, shying away, “You know why.”

“My dad also said he’d pull out your teeth one by one if you’d ever hurt me, he’s probably rolling in his grave right now.”

He laughs, “Ahh yes, I remember him telling me that.”

“You probably would’ve killed him yourself had he found out what you’ve done,” you joke and he shakes his head.

His hands reach for yours, kissing the inside of each wrist, “And I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up, ma belle.”

His words warm your body up as his lips linger on your wrist. Your father had been right about him after all.

------

DAY OF THE WEDDING

Ana had told the group to arrive at the wedding a bit earlier than the rest of the guests, so that you all could take photos. So here you were, patting down your navy dress to make sure it hadn’t been wrinkled from sitting down. After fixing Theo’s tie, you go back upstairs to your bedroom, zipping up your suitcase.

The venue of the wedding was a hotel, Ana’s step-dad having rented the entire place for the next couple of days. It was where you and Kylian were going to stay for the night, as well as the rest of the group and any other wedding guests that wanted to.

Kylian was now on his way to pick you up while Theo would be leaving soon to get Lili.

You pack the little wooden house in your bag and put the flowers safely in a bag to bring back to your apartment. You smile at the fake daffodil that had now been cleaned, tucking it into your suitcase.

“Do you have space for this?” a voice says from the door and you turn to look at Kylian, having recognized it. He holds a yellow dahlia that had been stored in a resin-filled cube.

You grin, your eyes skimming to his all navy suit. His dark shirt and tie contrast so well that you immediately sneak your hands inside his suit, kissing him. He smiles as his hand wraps around your waist.

“You look lovely.”

“Thank you, you look dashing,” you kiss his dimple as you pull back, looking down at the dahlia.

“There weren’t any dahlias in store,” he frowns. “But I was able to find this.”

You take it in your hands. Your cheeks ache from smiling, “You keep giving me gifts when I have yet to get you anything, mon beau.” He slips his hands into his pockets as you place the flower into your suitcase, next to his vase.

“Your presence is enough, it always is.” His eyes have a delicate stare as he looks at you, his lips curving up, “Let's go to the wedding.”

You zip up your suitcase and he grabs it, carrying it downstairs. Your mom was already gone so you made sure to lock the door behind you, tucking the key under the lawn chair.

As you get up, you see Kylian’s new car, a shiny black Porsche. You didn’t know much about cars but you could spot a Porsche from a mile away. You raise your eyebrows, “Oh okay, that’s nice.”

He wears a smug look and you almost want to take the compliment back. “I told you’d like it.”

“It has a sparkle.”

His face immediately cringes, “Don’t say sparkle.”

You eye the car as he opens the trunk, setting the suitcase in. You tease, “A certain kind of glimmer.”

“Shh,” he groans, closing the trunk and walking towards the passenger side. He gives your cheek a kiss as he opens the door for you. “Ma Reine.”

“Thank you,” you say. Your eyes land on the watch he wears and for some reason, it looks attractive. That little accessory makes you eye him as he walks around the side of the car. As he gets near his door, you take note of the black-leathered interior of the car. It still had that brand new car smell and the leather swarmed your nose.

You take a deep breath. Maybe you could get used to this.

His hand brushes your thigh and gives it a gentle squeeze. Your hand lands on top of his and he starts driving to the venue.

The drive is a bit long with traffic but Kylian drives safe, never swerving into lanes in a haste. And then as he pulls into the venue, he parks the car with such ease that you purse your lips from making a snide comment. How you wished you could easily park like that. And this car is new? Pssht.

He kisses your hand, “Wait here.” He exits and comes around, opening the door and holding out his hand for you. You fix his tie as you step out and you see Laurent’s brown curls bouncing behind Kylian. Oh god.

“Kyki!” Laurent yells, pressing down on Kylian’s shoulders. Kylian lets out a grimace but then smiles, pulling Laurent into a hug. Simone struts confidently with her heels towards the two of you.

“Oh my, you look so good,” she says, immediately stealing you from Kylian. She wears a bright yellow dress that contrasts eloquently against her dark skin. Laurent has a black tuxedo on with a matching yellow tie and you smile.

“Thank you, you look breathtaking, Simone,” you gush. The two of you exchange kisses and then Laurent pulls you into a hug. He seems overly excited and giddy that you wish for a moment you had some of his energy.

“Did you guys just get here?” Kylian asks. His hand finds yours as you four walk towards the large building.

Laurent nods, “Yeah. Ana said to meet her on the third floor.”

“I thought it was the second?” you chime.

Laurent shakes his head, “She just changed it—said the second was where the bride was going to be instead.”

You nod your head. On the opposite side of the entrance, the Eiffel Tower stood. The sun wouldn’t set for another two and a half hours by the time the ceremony started, so the view would be the perfect picture-worthy frame.

Lili and Theo are at the entrance, matching in pink.

You all ride up the elevator taking a group photo with the mirror and Kylian’s arm is wrapped across your waist protectively. Laurent gushes loudly that causes Kylian to give him a smack. You all look disheveled coming out of the elevator as Ana stands there.

She grins, “Ahh!”

You all rush her into a group hug, careful not to get her emerald green dress messed up.

“Okay, okay, come on, follow me for pictures,” she says. She takes us through the foyer of the third floor and your eyes scan the building. Her family being able to rent out the entire hotel had amazed you. The room you and Kylian were supposed to stay in was somewhere on this floor.

Kylian lets out a small whistle, “This place is fucking magnificant.”

You laugh, “Right.” The light scones had gentle incandescent lights that Kylian’s pupils dilated, making him look handsome. The architecture of the wall never let up; every inch of the wall—from the floor to the ceiling, and the start to finish of the hallways—there were patterned designs carved into them.

Ana leads you all to two doors of a garden. You can already see three photographers setting up their lights and cameras. Your face warms from the view behind the photographers. Carefully picked out colorful flowers line the garden into this makeshift Garden of Eden.

“Wow,” Kylian awes.

Ana immediately instructs you all where to stand and which photographer to go with. She only had a small window and needed to make the most of it. You and Kylian pose for photos alone, and then you both join the rest of the group.

You sneak glances of Kylian from time to time, his smile was lighting up the entire room and you felt so lighthearted staring at it.

You all quickly finish with the photos, fanning yourself from the lights, Kylian walks towards you with a smirk, his hands behind your back.

“You better not have stolen a flower,” you joke and his smirk immediately widens.

“Damn,” he brings his hands towards you and in his fingers is a yellow daffodil.

“Kylian!” you scold, knowing the florist had probably spent hours perfecting this area.

He chuckles, “Here, I’ll put it in my pocket instead.” He puts the flower into his suit pocket and lets the head of it stick out.

You kiss him nonetheless, “I love it.”

------

The wedding ceremony had gone beautifully. During their exchanging of vows, their words shared to each other seemed to get to you. You felt emotional listening to them but held on to your tears. Kylian’s hand squeezed yours tightly throughout them and when they were finished, he kissed your knuckles.

Now, at the wedding reception, the two of you were separated. You were making your rounds greeting Ana’s family members and Kylian got caught up with other guests. A few of them had recognized him and had been chatting with him for a while. Him being the guy he is, he stayed indulging in conversation, staying interested.

“How do you feel?” you ask Ana as you hand her a drink. She thanks you, throwing it back and you chuckle. There wasn’t even alcohol in it.

“I’m glad there have been no hiccups,” she says. She sounds relieved and you smile, happy for your best friend.

You lean your head down to her shoulder, “You did so well, my love.”

“Thank you, never tell my mother.”

You chuckle, “Never.”

“How are you?”

“I’m good.”

“Anything new to know?” She raises her eyebrows.

You shrug, “I read a letter my dad wrote that was written a couple of days before he passed away.”

“Woah.”

“Yeah,” you let out a breathy sigh. “It was all about Kylian.”

She lets out a laugh, “You’re kidding.”

“I wish I was,” you laugh with her. “He noticed that he had a crush on me and basically said to be careful but to give him a chance. It was sweet. He had a lot of good words to say about Kyks, and he wrote about how proud of me he was too.”

“Aww.”

“I wish there was more of me though, if I’m being honest.”

“Of course you do,” she sneers. “Wait, so he had noticed? But wasn’t Kylian starting to act like a total prick around that time?”

You shake your head, “No, this would’ve been a couple of months before. I don’t think my father had noticed at the very end. But you know what my dad said about him? That he doesn’t know how to express his thoughts correctly.”

Her jaw drops but then she closes it, “I mean, he wasn’t entirely wrong.”

“I know,” you groan, “but he immediately defended him. How rude!”

She shakes her head, “Kylian was super shy as a kid and yeah, I remember that, he struggled with expressing his emotions and everything.”

“I wonder what changed.”

“Money and therapy.”

You snort, “Jesus, Ana.”

“I’m kidding,” she says. “Do not tell him I said that, but maybe when he realized his mistake: losing the girl he always wanted because he couldn’t express himself right.”

You want to roll your eyes at her sweet words but it was most likely true. Plus, the hint of shyness in Kylian still followed him around it seemed. He just knew how to deal with it better.

The song changes to a slower one and you watch as the couples on the dancefloor come together, slowing their dancing. Ana lets out a grunt, “I’ll be at the bar ordering something heavy.”

You chuckle as your eyes instinctively search for Kylian. His eyes are already on yours and the light flickers around him and you smile. This was a textbook out-of-a-movie scene. He wraps up his conversation with those people and saunters towards you, a growing grin sweeping his face. You make your way to him and he holds out his hand for you.

His hands wrap around the small back of your waist and he leans his head down close to your ear as the two of you sway slowly to the music. He intakes a deep breath and you reflexively pull back from the ticklish feeling. He leans closer and pecks your neck.

“Goosebumps, cute,” his voice is hoarse. You bite your teeth. You knew what he was up to.

You pinch the skin of his neck softly and he grins. “Stop that.”

“I can’t help it, you look beautiful tonight,” he says. His lips stray by your temple and linger there for a moment.

You pick up your head and eye his lips, they’re slowly turning into a childish smile and you stifle a grin. He’s plotting something and it isn’t going to be subtle.

His head dips down to your neck, kissing the back of your ear before whispering, “Want to get out of here?”

“And go where?” you eyed him suspiciously.

You feel one of his hands release from you and he shuffles his hand into his pocket, jangling a key in front of you. Classic. The hotel room key. He has the biggest smile on your face and you scowl, “Kylian.”

“They won’t notice we’re gone.”

Your thoughts bounce back and forth. The dance floor was pretty crowded and the next song was fading into a faster one. You had already shared your congratulations to Ana’s mom and her husband. Your mother had spoken and danced with you.

You briefly scan the room for the others; Lili and Theo were chatting now at a table, Ana seemed to be flirting with the bartender, and Simone and Laurent were nowhere to be seen. Had they had the same idea?

Who are you kidding, of course they did.

You bite your lip looking back at Kylian who raises his eyebrows. One of his hands takes yours and gives your wrist a kiss. God, he needed to stop doing that.

Your face flushes, “Go.”

He lets out a small, victorious laugh, pulling you closer to him and leads you out of the crowded dance floor. He opens the door of the ballroom and lets you walk through first. He leads you to the elevator, “For a moment I thought you were going to bail.”

“I was,” you admit. “I didn’t want to leave Ana alone.”

“She is going to be in bed with that bartender and you know it,” he snickers.

You nod, “I know, that’s why I came.”

He smiles. The elevator doors open and the two of you walk in. He walks closer to you, leaning his forehead against you, “If you don’t want to come, mon amour, don’t force yourself to.”

You wrap your hands around his neck, giving him a soft kiss, “I want to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Very.”

He kisses your lips back with a bit more need and his hand sneaks through the slit of your dress. His fingertips trace the side of your thigh and you let out a gasp. The delicate feeling of his fingertips make your breath hitch.

The elevator dings before his fingers can travel further and he bites your lip teasingly as he pulls away from the kiss. He sends you a wink, before directing you to your bedroom.

Your cheeks are on fire and your legs are already starting to feel shaky. This was a different side of Kylian and you were enjoying it. He seemed confident and sure of himself around you now. Although there had still been the tinge of shyness in him, it was charming. You had to squint to notice it.

He opens the hotel room and swings the door open, letting you walk through. Your mouth drops in disbelief. There’s a trail of yellow and pink flower petals towards the bed and laying there aren’t red roses, they’re yellow dahlias. The window has the perfect view of the Eiffel Tower, its yellow lights already dancing through the unlit room.

“Oh my god,” you mutter. The sound of the door closing brings your attention back to Kylian. He looks proud. “You have to stop doing nice things for me.”

He bends down to peck your nose as he empties his pockets on the small dresser, “After I tormented your youth for years? Never.”

You want to let out a snort in response but you also want to cry. He must’ve gone through hurdles trying to find these dahlias, they weren’t in season at all. And you knew they were real because of the strong scent that they lingered through the room.

Everything that he had been doing this past week was for you and you have to clamp your mouth to stop the sob that wants to escape. He was too perfect.

Everything a father wants for their daughter.

Kylian made it so easy for you to fall in love with him. All those years of silence and regret, he had been making it up in a span of eleven days and was doing it flawlessly. You could tell he wasn’t doing it out of pity or guilt; that he was doing it out of authentic love.

You feel him press his body against your back and his arms wrap around your body. He kisses your shoulder tenderly, “I love you.”

You turn around and press your lips against his. He sucks on your bottom lip unhurriedly while his thumb swipes the tears from your cheek. Your hand wraps around the lapel of his jacket and the other around his neck.

He lets out a contentful sigh as the two of you pull back to catch your breath. He leans his forehead against yours, neither of you breaking eye contact. The glare of the Eiffel Tower shines on his frame.

You let out a sheepish smile, pulling him from his tie, as you walk backwards until the back of your calf brushes up against the bed. His hands are on you before you can sit down. His hands roam your bare thigh and give the back of it a pinch.

“Ouch,” you squirm. His lips go to your neck and leave lazy kisses. Your fingers are already fumbling to undo his tie and he’s chuckling. The sound sends shivers down your back making your fingers tremble.

Finally, you undo the knot and you pull the tie off with haste. Your hands are already slipping to take off his jacket. You manage to fold it in half and toss it towards the corner of the bed.

“Reine,” he murmurs.

“What?” You ask.

His hand sneaks to your hip and his fingers slip through the band of your lace underwear, “Thank you for not wrinkling that jacket.”

You laugh, “It looks expensive.”

“Mhm,” he mumbles. He looks down, his hand now having hitched up the slit and you gasp.

“You tore it!” you push him away gently and he wears a smug grin as he pulls your underwear from your legs. You had felt his hands fumbling around your underwear but you weren’t sure how he got to the other leg. You cringe, “That was a weird feeling.”

He chuckles as he dangles the torn white lace in his finger, “I’m sorry.”

“You better be.”

“I’ll buy you more,” he says. He drops it to the ground and he goes back to kissing your lips. His passion seeping off his lips as he pulls you closer to him. His hands stay on your back, lost in a trance of just kissing you at this moment.

You notice his frozen hands after a couple of seconds and pull back, “You okay?”

His eyes flutter open at you as he catches his breath, “Can I show you?”

“Show me what?”

“How much I love you?”

You give him a tender smile, and this time it’s you bringing his wrist to your lips, “Of course.”

His hand goes to your jaw as he pulls you in for another urgent kiss. Your hands start undoing his shirt and you pull it from his pants. He lets out a moan as you find his belt buckle.

You ghost your knuckles against his bulge and he groans, pressing his hips deeper into your fingers. You smirk and his lips go down to your exposed chest. His hand sneaks inside of the slit of your dress and palms your bare ass. He’s already pulling down the zipper of your dress.

Your fingers undo his button and zipper and you palm him through his boxers. His tip has already leaked precum as you press your thumb against the fabric.

He seethes as he drags the dress down. The moment you remove your hands from him so that the dress can come off, he’s pushing you back onto the bed. He wears a cocky face and you shake your head. He was supposed to be showing you his love but you desperately wanted to return it too.

His eyes roam your body as he unstraps your heels and your cheeks heat up. He was taking his time and you were already sitting up partially. He pulls his pants down but leaves his boxers on.

“Tease,” you mutter.

He chuckles and kisses your ankle. His hands wrap around your knee as he leans towards you, kissing your collar bone. His lips then wrap around your nipple and you fall back onto the bed. His vibrating chuckle makes you hitch your knee up, falling right between his thighs. Your hands immediately tug at the hem of his boxers and he groans, biting down on your nipple.

You let out a moan. His hand toys with your other nipple and then he trails it down to your thighs. You squeeze it once it makes contact with the inner of your thigh. His subtle touch sends jolts to your clit and you shift to get some contact from him but he isn’t giving it. Your fingernails dig into his back and he releases your nipple. He leaves kisses as he sinks down in front of you.

His eyes hitch up towards yours as he kisses your clit. His look and feel alone are enough to get your hips to snap up. His tongue makes contact with your wet clit and he swirls it slowly around. You throw your head back onto the bed, fists clutching the bedsheets and swiping at the dahlias.

“Kylian,” you moan. His arms wrap around your thighs, keeping them pried open despite you wanting to clamp them around his head. He loops his hand around and presses down on your pelvis. You let out a breathless moan. His thumb makes contact with your clit and rubs circles. His tongue travels down and enters your cunt. You squirm underneath him but he’s quick to hold you down. His strong arms not even working up a sweat. His nose presses up against your sensitive clit and the feel of it was riveting.

His fingers enter you, a wet squelching noise emits as he thrusts them in and out at a slow pace. You roll your hips against him, wanting more contact.

“Stop that,” he scolds, the vibrations of his moan only makes you want to do it more and he chuckles at your defiance.

The pace of his tongue on your clit picks up and you whimper wanting to hold your orgasm for a little longer. But once his fingers curl inside you, you’re a moaning mess. Your legs shake as you feel the tightening of your muscles.

“Kylian!”

“I’m here,” he taunts. The warmth of his mouth tortures you and your legs start shaking. He lets you squeeze his head with your thighs and welcomes your orgasm.

You moan as your come trickles down you while he gets up and kisses your lips. Your mind is still fuzzy from him, so he takes his time planting kisses on your shoulders and neck as you come down. Your hands lazily stroke his back and he chuckles.

Your hands slip down to his boxers, pushing them down. He helps you take them off and spreads your legs with his. Your pelvis meets his bare thigh and you let out a small whimper.

Your thighs are still twitching from your previous orgasm, but he doesn’t seem to be in any rush as he places more tender kisses on your face. His hand cradles your head while the other props himself up.

“You look so beautiful,” he mutters.

“I love you,” you breathe, your voice sounds exhausted and he laughs.

His cock brushes against your thigh and he groans. You can feel the halt in his kisses as it happens and you smirk. He may have been putting on a magnificent performance of being dominant right now, but he still had a major weakness when it came to you and accidental touches.

Your hand brushes up against his shaft and his hips immediately buckle down, you tease, “Sorry.”

His head falls into your neck as your fingertips ghost his shaft. It twitches as you wrap your hand around the head. He lets out a shaky breath.

His lips attack the skin near your ear and the sound of his faltering breath makes your breath hitch. Your fingers wrap around him and stroke him slowly. His sounds make you close your eyes and raise your hips against his thigh.

You spread his precum around his tip and draw your hand down the rest of his shaft. You give him a gentle squeeze as you reach his base and he whines in your ear.

“Kylian.”

He winces at the sound of his name, “Yes, ma chérie?” His voice is strangled as it leaves his lips.

He looks at you and you release his cock. You push his shoulder and he rolls off of you, letting you go between his knees. The look of bewilderment spreads on his face as he lets out a curse.

You grab a hold of him and stroke him. Your hands sink down to the end of his shaft and you bend down to take his tip in your mouth. He lets out a groan as your tongue circles around his tip.

“Reine,” he mewls.

The veins on the side of him are practically bulging out, you sink your mouth deeper down him and he shudders. You bobble your head on him a few more times before your tongue stops at his tip. The taste of him only entices you more to slowly swirl your tongue around him teasingly.

“Reinita,” he calls out. His voice is starting to get frantic and you know he’s close. He sits up and his hand clutches around the side of your neck. You maintain eye contact with him and watch as his face contorts. His thighs clench and he shakes his head, “Please.”

You give his tip a kiss and then kiss him. You lay down beside him and he breathes heavily as he hovers you.

“That was cute.”

He shakes his head, “Was torture.”

He trembles as his tip bumps into your pelvis.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his eyes searching for yours. You can tell he is still strained as he awaits his release.

You nod, “Yes, my love.” Your hand swoops around his back and the other on his cheek.

He kisses your wrist and then slowly aligns himself in front of you. You take a deep breath as he enters into your already still-somewhat clenched cunt. He groans in your ear at the resistance.

“Reine,” he whispers. His hand tugs at the arm on his back and he intertwines his fingers with yours, pressing them into the bed.

He slowly thrusts long and deep strokes. He kisses your shoulder and you keep your lips brushed up against his neck, peppering kisses occasionally. The two of you share a moan as he sinks deeper. He was starting to pick up his pace but still going at it sensually. He rolled his hips and the movement made you both shudder. He hadn’t done that before and wanted to try it out.

His eyes look at you in amusement and you grin at his cuteness. You kiss his lips and he smiles within it.

“Look,” he points at the window and the Eiffel Tower’s lights start to twinkle. He kisses your cheek as your head is still turned towards the window and you chuckle.

This was too beautiful.

His thrusts start to shorten and you know he’s about to pick up pace. Your hands both wrap around his shoulders as he props himself up. Both of your moans get muffled through passionate kisses.

You’re starting to reach your second orgasm and he kisses your neck to let you ride it out. His eyes stay on yours and they are full of praise and love. Your walls tighten around him and it causes him to have irregular thrusts.

You moan as your pelvis clenches, letting go of your next orgasm.

He’s right behind you—his hips wobbling as he releases shaky grunts in your ear. His last thrusts are disarrayed as he releases inside of you. He gives you a chaste kiss on your cheek.

He drops his weight on the side of you, breathing heavily but not as much as you. You curse him internally for having the stamina. His leg lays loosely on your thigh and his head beside yours.

You cuddle towards him, your leg wrapping around him and he pulls you closer.

He presses his lips to your forehead, “If I had just asked you out on that picnic.”

Your hand caresses his bicep and you prop up, facing him. He looks up at you, puckering his lips for a kiss. You kiss him and then brush your hand against his cheek, “I don’t want us to keep on tormenting ourselves on what could have been—or if we had just done something differently, anymore.”

He nods, “Okay, let’s not.”

“And I mean that. I know I think about the past at times, but I don’t want you thinking that way anymore,” you say. “I forgive you, Kylian. For everything that happened or didn’t happen.”

His eyes falter and his dimple deepens as he presses his lips together, “I don’t want you thinking that way either, mon amour.” His thumb brushes against your cheek, dipping down to the corner of your lips.

“I know, I’m trying.”

He snickers, “I’m trying too.” He pulls you down for a kiss and you kiss him, collapsing back down on him.

Your mind briefly flashes to when you were thirteen. The first time you met Kylian. His eyes and ears were too big for his body. The boyish grin he wore when he rolled the ball towards you with his hands, still somewhat unsure of how well you played or didn’t.

“I’m Kylian.”

“I’m Reine.”

His eyes had perked up at that, “Really?”

You giggle, “It’s a nickname.”

“That’s so cool.”

And then as puberty began to hit him. The way some of his words would be deeper than others and the rasp he would have. It always made you two burst into fits of laughter because they came with no warning. His height suddenly shot up within a year and he would always use your head as an armrest. You’d push him away and his lanky figure would go squirming.

“I heard Kylian has a new crush!” Theo would tease and Kylian would cringe.

“No way, Theo,” Kylian would respond, his face looking sick. “Girls are stupid—except you, Reine, you’re kind of cool.”

Kylian stirs from beside you, causing you to snap out of your old memories. His arms wrap protectively around your back, “What occupies your every waking mind?”

You look down and see his thoughtful eyes waiting for you to respond. You know you could respond with the most outlandish thing you wanted, or the most insignificant thought, and Kylian would indulge you either way. Immediately laugh or ask another question, wanting to hear what you have to say even if it isn’t important.

You had once grieved the idea of your father never being able to have met the person you would spend the rest of your life with, but hadn’t even realized that he had already met him. Had already given him his blessing.

Maybe Kylian finally ended up with the girl of his dreams—ending the personal guilt that he reluctantly carried on his shoulders for the past six years—but you ended up with the person you searched for the least, and ended up loving every piece of him. Perhaps you should have paid a bit more attention to him. To the quiet one. The most observant one.

Your lips tug up into a smile as you toss a dahlia towards his face, “You owe me a picnic.”

--

Taglist: @lovejessejay @cosmicmoonie @titti-maja @cepolar @venus2eros @idgasb @youcantseem3 @releasingtheinnerho3 @pierre-gasssllyy  @hannahzmllr @layla409 @maddisss @karotland @tudefy @bloommart @heli991113 @itshoneybae02 @lariss26​ @flawlessdiamond1​

#kylian mbappe #kylian mbappe fanfiction #kylian mbappe fanfic #kylian mbappe x you #kylian mbappe x reader #kylian mbappe imagine #kylian mbappe one shot #world cup fanfic

[hemeruni]

Well. Here’s what I’ve been planning on doing… I’d like to introduce you all to-

The FIRST ANNUAL tumblr User hemeruni direct, a special event where I get to actually go into more detail about the projects I’m currently more so focused on, while giving important news to what’s next on our menus.

Now let’s go ahead and get this show rolling shall we?

NURSE PHILLY UPDATES

As you know, Nurse Philly has been placed on the back burner for a while as I took the time to work on my other projects. But, starting today, I’m working full speed ahead to officially get the Askblog up and rolling! The scripting process has been tough, but a rough outline has been finished and a overall timeline of arcs and events are all laid out, so it shouldn’t be long for you all to see the nurse in person!

I’m not the type to give out dates, but expect this hush puppy to start around mid-late 2024.

Alright we’re getting the hang of things! What’s next?

GLIMMERLOVE NEWS

This project started as a one off post that quickly spiraled into one of my favorite projects thus far under the hemeruni brand. While there isn’t plans to get a Askblog rolling anytime soon, the askbox will always be open for asking questions to these mysterious folk.

This project doesn’t have much besides that, but if things change revolving my work ethic, I’ll surely consider it.

No date on this one, as it’s currently in a fine state from where I’m seeing it.

HAPPY HATCHDAY HEMMY!!!

By the time I’m writing this, Hemera’s birthday is still ongoing and it might honestly been the most exciting days I’ve had in a long time, considering the fact that I’ve just… haven’t been active as much.

This fox means so much to me and I have Sparklecare and only Sparklecare to thank for creating such a wonderful creature that deserves everything wonderful on this blue marble of a planet.

I love you Hemmy, don’t stop being you.

Me and Uni are making a coffee shop au

Yeah idk what else to say

It’s news to me but I’m just posting this since I thought the idea was funny.

Personal au?? I think?? Only WE get to make one not YOU /J

Now. I mentioned something at the beginning of the whole thing about a change that is going to happen. Before we end this, I might as well say what I want to say.

The Future.

I’m breaking away from this community, for my own mental sake. I’m saying this with a heavy heart, knowing that this whole 'fame' thing isn’t something I enjoy. Besides fame, I’ve been so caught up in comments and reblogs that it mentally drains me to see one post that I spent less time on doing better then one I actually put my effort into.

This culminated in a unfollow from the official Sparklecare account that I’m still assuming is over the criticblog situation. Nevertheless, it left me bed ridden for weeks, realizing that what I worked so hard for was taken from my own dumb mistake.

That taught me a valuable lesson though, which is why I’m finally deciding to just cut contact with the community entirely, besides friend groups and servers I’m in you won’t really see me active on my main, mostly just au updates.

That also means I’m no longer reblogging stuff to my main account, but I’ve already came up with a solution revolving a account called hemerunireblogs (which will be linked later down the line)

That’s the most you’ll see me interacting with this community, I hope you can understand.

Now.

We’ve reached an absolute.

The End.

I wish things could’ve been different, but it’s either I continue down this path and further ruin myself for others sakes, or I finally start to work on myself again. In the end, I decided to choose myself. Call me selfish, I could care less.

For some, I’d like to wish the best, even though we may have not talked much, I’d love to see you again sometime soon.

You all have been a wonderful audience, I hope you all had a wonderful Hemmy Hatchday. Good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight my friends.

-Mx. Hemmy

#my art #sparklecare #hemera philly #hemeruni #uni cornelius #nurse philly #Glimmerlove au #text post #ramblings #long post

[the-vibes-are-off]

The Stormlight Archive Volume 1: The Way of Kings’ Review: Chapters 16-19

link to contents page - https://at.tumblr.com/the-vibes-are-off/hey-hey/96xd9ohihrzs

FINALLY I woke up this morning with some semblance to get out of bed before 8am and actually make the most out of my day. Essays are going hella slow and I honestly think the weight of dealing with them is just draining me hard, I cannot wait to get them tf out of the way; not to mention I’ve just spent £70 on Shakespeare for the coming semester :’) yay so excited for them to arrive today ;-;. 

Unfortunately, as the next semester approaches I imagine the frequency of these posts will decline as I’ll have to reduce my TWOK reading to 1 chapter a day at most in order to fit in all my uni reading. Which I am so gutted about because honestly I have enjoyed reading this chunk so much and the thought of having to slow down makes me so sad :(((.

Spoiler Free Zone:

This section does so much in the way of widening the scope to fill out the history of the plot and I’m living for it. Seeing more about Kaladin’s history AND like fckn ancient history as well???? I am so in.

I feel like this section has really got me into the swing of things more. With TWOK largely lying outside of the genre I normally read and not having the motivation of reading it like out of necessity for my degree, I was worried that I’d lose motivation but this section has really solidified my interest to the fullest !!

*** SPOILERS AHEAD***

Spoiler Zone: 

I have loved finding out more about Kal in the flashback sections and this has not changed. 1. Ofc Mr. Edgy Boy is a simp and fought to impress a girl just ofc 2. and on top of that, ofc he’s secretly soft round the edges, especially for his brother. The bit when Tien gives him a sick rock ??? Bye I would smile too what a cute interaction. Bit of a RIP that he then like immediately got into a fight, over some juicy Shardblade lore nonetheless? Brando feeding us fr. 

I love that he has Kaladin also thinking what everyone else is thinking in observing Sadeas as a pompous ass xD. It read so similar to what I love about some of my fave English Lit books in the critique of the upper classes and I will forever appreciate it (fuck the tories :p).

Then again tho, as ever, Brando refuses Kaladin a break and has his men dropping like flies bro. Ik he was trained as a surgeon but mf is not a miracle worker cut him some slack. 

Then onto the Kholins and my goodness these have to have been my fave chapters so far. Starting off with the slightly less preferred, but still great, chapter of family revelations like Dalinar not remembering his wife and Renarin’s feelings of inadequacy. My little heart breaks for them :((

BUT THE VISION CHAPTER?????????? Oh my goodness I loved this chapter so much I lit had the whole chapter tabbed as a love this fro the start bc I just knew it was gonna slap so hard. You’re telling me, all in one chapter, I have been given an epic fight with shadow creatures, WITH some of the knights radiant, AND one of them is a woman, all wrapped up in sick fucking lore in a vision of the past brought on by a storm that ends in a mystical voice giving vague advice. Jesus take the wheel.

Tab Count:

Cute <3 - 1

Fights - 3

Sad ;-; - 2

Death - 2

Cool - 1

Wtf wow - 1

Wtf Why - 0

Slay Quotes - 2

Love this! - 2

Hate this >:( - 0

Lore - 3

Tab Total:

Cute <3 - 8

Fights - 8

Sad ;-; - 4

Death - 4

Cool - 6

Wtf wow - 3

Wtf Why - 3

Slay Quotes - 10

Love this! - 10

Hate this >:( - 3

Lore - 5

#brandon sanderson #the way of kings #the stormlight archive #way of kings #stormlight archive #kaladin stormblessed #kaladin #syl #sylphrena #dalinar kholin #dalinar #adolin kholin #adolin #sadeas #renarin kholin #renarin #books #book #book review #booksbooksbooks #book tabbing #books and reading #book annotations #literature #english literature #fantasy #high fantasy

[if-confessions]

I feel down about lack of artistic skill. So many IF authors are knocking it out of the park with their UI designs and promo images, and I'm here getting stressed out on canva struggling to even make a nice looking simple "game updated" banner with text on a background. are there guides anywhere on how to make these banners? are they really needed to get people's attention? (they feel like they are... the most popular blogs seem to have loads of shiny visuals that are really pretty but I just don't have the skills right now...)

Hey Anon!

Don't feel down...

This is really not something that happens overnight. Sure, some artistic talent will help start you off, but it is still a skill. One you can learn. But like all skills, it takes time to nourish and make it flourish. (and that amount of time needed will depend on the person.)

Also, Graphic Design is a very broad field. In the IF community, it will often embrace two different things: the UI, which requires learning a programming language (CSS) and the assets (including promo images), which requires learning about aesthetics, a graphic program, etc... These are very different skills to learn.

So you will make mistakes along the way, everyone does. It takes quite a lot of trial and error (with a lot of error) to get it right, then to get it right and quick. That's part of the learning process.

And, I can't lie and pretend innate artistic talent won't take a big part of making this process easier. Knowing how things should look, nicely or easy on the eye, is very helpful to make the whole process faster. As well as having studied those skills before starting making IF content (like in school/uni, or having learned by spending decades in a fandom making those weird little edits and banners for your forum signature that you spent hours making sparkle....). Or, in some cases, the author was able to get assets directly from someone with those skills (as paid content).

I don't know where you are on your IF journey, but don't despair. I know it's hard not to compare yourself to other authors and their skills (I know I do that, and have to remind myself not to do it), but you don't know how far they are on their graphic design journey. Maybe they struggled like you, once.

I know I did...

... and I still do!

This post is getting quite long, so I'll share my lil bit of experience below.

I've been on the internet for a while (when Forums were the thing), and learned a lot of those graphic stuff through graphic design-help forums (some where full on forums, others were just sub-channels, but you got to learn from someone with knowledge, that was cool). Also didn't realise then the use of images. I def used copyrighted images when I shouldn't have... the early naughties were a different times (and so was I, being 12 and all...)

But, before starting IF, I hadn't touched Photoshop or other Graphic Design program for about... 15 years? I had lost a lot of skills in that time. I had to relearn a lot of things (as well as learn some new ones, CSS had never been in my wheelhouse).

It used to take me hours to make banners and the such. I fawned over other creators' ability to make gif (which is doable on Canva), or have the perfect aesthetics to match their project (and their drawing skills...). For CRWL, I spent days on Canvas editing the main banner, because it didn't look right enough. I've re-done that one a couple of times, and I am still not happy with it.

Even after almost two years of doing this regularly, I still struggle. I can spend days/weeks on a UI to make it look nice and have the right palette, only to realise when it's published that the sizing messes up for some people. And I still spend hours on those Coming Soon posters (and then forget I have night light on my devices, so it messes with the colours). And have we talked about the time spent trying to find the perfect picture to use (on copyright free websites)? Though for smaller projects, I might slap two things together and call it a day. You can't go wrong with a simple colour background and a special font.

#confession time #creator #design #graphic design #sorry anon I don't know any guides #I go by my feelings :grimace: #if-confessions

[eyes-like-a-pisces]

Ok, I'm back. And I'm gonna tell you what I've been up to. It's gonna be long, so I appreciate u If u care and gonna read It.

In winter, I applied for a job in Yellowstone National Park. Alone. As a polish girl that've never been in US. And I got the job. Shortly before my arrival part of yellowstone got flooded, some roads got devastated, so I was worried if It's not gonna work out at all and upset that I'll probably won't see some parts of the park.

I wasn't excited as I thought I'm gonna be. I still didn't pass the semester at uni, I left my flourishing social life and a potential relationship behind. Just to be shut in the forest with complete strangers on a different continent. I also spent all my savings to get there.

In June I flew to Bozeman, Montana. A day before the flight I didn't even have a suitcase. I bought one and they damaged her during my flight. I couldn't open her after I arrived, so I had to go to yellowstone wearing the same clothes as a day before, carrying bunch of stuff in my hands. I didn't sleep at all before my flight, that suppose to be 26 hours long (including time spend at airports).

The hostel wasn't the most comfortable. I had to share a room with 5 strangers including men (but one I befriended actually).

I met some cool people in the bus to yellowstone, but they got sent to a different village. They send me to a small one, where old people stay, far from touristy stuff.

Second week of being in yellowstone I got covid. They locked me for 7 days and because there's almost no wi-fi, I had not much to do. I spent 4th of July there, as killing mosquitoes as my only entertainment.

I worked for the park till September, as a hausekeeper, just making rooms in lodges for guests. There were days when It was ok and days when It would kick my butt and I was making beds crying, because I was so tired. I also found a second job as a servers assistent at the restaurant, which beside carrying heavy trays was alright, but I had to do It after my hausekeeping job, so sometimes I was working 15 hours per day, from 8 a.m till 11p.m and my legs were falling off, so I couldn't do both shifts too often.

I lived in a small cabin in the woods. First alone, then with another girl. It seemed like someone made a casting for my roomate. We immediately started talking about Pearl Jam for some reason and she told me I remind her of Hope Sadoval. Her mum worked with David Bowie, R.E.M, B-52s and Talking Heads, so we had almost the same music taste. We were both also pretty laid back and would just say bless this mess and blast some music.

There was a lot of love related drama going on. If you'll get to yellowstone they'll tell you to get a bear spray, but sometimes I wished I had a "men spray". It seemed like everybody got there ready for a summer fling. I was asked out by few of my friends, a rec center manager, a park ranger and few other men and even If It was really flattering, I didn't know what to do with them sometimes. It was pretty messy, cause almost everytime if someone liked somebody they liked another person or wasn't interested or something else was on the way. One of the guys really fall in love with me tho and we still have some kind situationship going on 🥴.

I have some unforgatable memories. Like when the village band played Space Oddity and the energy of the place was just perfect. Or when we had a campfire and we drove by the lake to watch blood moon and listened to Satellite by Elliot Smith on the ride back.

Or the best story, when I was on 21 mile hike, coming back at night, met a grizzly bear in the middle of the trail, got surrounded by bisons and end up spending a night "sleeping" on the cold ground in the dark forest, hiding from animals, digging through bushes and going to work right after with holes in my clothes, trying to explain why I didn't come to work on time.

I was crying hard when I was leaving the place, but I had a big travel plans after that.

I spent few days in Las Vegas with two guys I befriended in YNP. After that I had a two week trip around national parks in California, Arizona and Utah. I saw Zion, Bryce Canyon, Horse Shoe Canyon, Grand Canyon, Red Rock Canyon, Sequoia National Park, Yosemite, San Francisco, Los Angeles - Venice, Beverly Hills, Hollywood, Santa Monica, Universal Studios. Almost everyday I was in a different place. It was great, but pretty exhausting.

And after that I flew to fucking Seattle. I stayed at @stares-at-nothing's house and we had lots of fun hanging out. We were in Forks and La Push (Twilight foreva). We got to Seattle through Kingston Ferry, to see Layne Staley's apartament, the beach where they filmed music video to Hunger Strike and Moore Theatre where Mad Season had their famous concert. We saw the Pike Place market and where on the top of Space Needle. After that we drove to see the waterfall from Twin Peaks and Roslyn where they filmed northern exposure series. We also where in Aberdeen to see Kurt's memorial under the bridge and in a witchy store in Port Thousand. Chris u r an angel and I appreciate u so much for driving me for hours to all the places I wanted to see.

After that I flew to New York by myself. I slept in a hostel in a room with 9 other women. I hang out in Central Park and Manhattan. When I got to Time Square my phone died and I didn't know how to go back to my hostel. I took my charger, but I forgot an american plug, so I had to buy one and charge my phone in the nearest starbucks. It took some time and I was late for my flight back to Poland. I spent $100 for a taxi to an airport, but still didn't make It on time. I had to rebook my flight for another $200.

So yeah, It was pretty insane. Had few breakdows, felt depressed in one of the most beautiful places in the world, worked my ass off, gained like 6kg, slept in shitty hostels and on friend's couches, got chased by men and animals, but It was worth It.

Living in a national park is a challenging, but simple lifestyle. You are a part of small community, hausing is usually free, they make you food, so you just do your job and don't have to worry. You go on hikes or just chill with your friends after work or on your days off. I was literally saving 2 years for this trip and worked there to afford It all, but I would do It again, so If you think about something bizarre like this, go for It 🤍

PS: I'll be posting more photos to obviously.

#tumblr died I guess but still

[sporeblossom]

ok so. i might delete this so enjoy it while it's here. i just need to gush about how happy i am lmao.

alright. last summer i went to another town for pride. i was there for a week, and one day i was having a slow day, i didn't have any plans until the evening, and i decided to go down to the canal for a swim. the water was amazing, and i found a good spot to sit and enjoy the sun. and then a very handsome and kind looking young man sat down next to me. his towel and bag was there before i even picked my spot, so when he came back to his spot, i apologized because i thought I was in his spot, and he said that i hadn't been in the way at all. he sat down, and somehow we kept on chatting for a bit. that chatting became actual talking, and eventually we knew each others names, where we were from, etc. we talked about polyamory and really bonded over that topic. at one point he just looks at me and says: "i have a good idea. i think you and i should go to [this other place that's also a nude beach]. i fully prefer to swim naked, and i really liked talking to him, so i agreed. we walked in the sun and just enjoyed getting to know each other the entire way there. when we arrived, we took our clothes off while laughing and smiling shyly at each other. we swam around in the cool water together, and swam out into the middle of the canal. i don't remember what we said, but i remember slowly swimming closer and closer to each other, until we kissed each other. we smiled and tried to stay afloat and smiled again and blinked against the sun and its reflections in the water. we almost got ran over by a tourist boat that passed us by while we where completely entranced by each other. when we got back to shore, he said he had to hang back a bit because he couldn't get out of the water yet, and he winked at me. we spent the whole afternoon together, talking and swimming and kissing. one of his friends came by and hung out with us too.

in the end i had to leave to get to my evening plans, and i just wanted to cancel everything and spend the night with him. but we said goodbye, friended each other on Facebook, and that was it. we would write occasionally, trying to figure out when we could see each other. but i had a bad depressive episode that fall, and didn't have the capacity to travel to see him, and he was too busy with school.

but then last month i came back to town for my cousins bachelorette party. and was finally doing a lot better (and still am). and we finally saw each other again. it was late at night, and we were both tired. we met outside at first, and went for a short walk to sort of acclimate to each other's company again. then we went back to the apartment i was staying at and just cuddled on the couch for a long time, before we even kissed. we just lay there and held one another and looked into each other's eyes until we finally kissed. and the sex was incredible. he shared that he was in a vulnerable place, and therefore currently practiced a form of celibacy where he didn't have penetrative sex or had orgasms. and it resulted in the most present, vulnerable, intimate, connected, honest, and hottest sex I've ever had with a straight man (and i have fucked a lot of straight men). i think we both said goodbye that night feeling a little bit in love.

and now im back in town. we have a date tomorrow, but i didn't have any plans tonight and he got out of uni late and passed near my place anyway, so we met up. we just hung out by the water and had a little wine. talked. kissed. it was cold and we were freezing for way too long, but we just dragged out the time because we enjoyed each others company so much. we talked about relationships, emotions, vulnerability, communication, self-love. i can't wait to see him tomorrow. i really fucking like him. i know we've only met three times but so far he's given me zero red flags. and who cares how it turns out, it won't change the fact that so far our time together has been so unbelievably amazing. and its just insane that us meeting was such an unlikely coincidence, so many things went wrong for him on that day, causing him to go for a swim to clear his head. we weren't drinking or on an app, we have zero friends in common, we were just complete strangers meeting by chance like something out of a movie. like i fully thought shit like this didn't actually happen? like i can't really believe it?? i keep looking for red flags but finding none. its crazy but i feel like I'm in love.

[caricature-of-a-witch]

have another thing I've written for a creative task at university (had a class on British ghost stories between 1860 and 1920 which was the most fun I've ever had at uni so far), which was basically just to write a ghost story that fit a word count of idk ca. 1500 words or something. I had to give it a title but I don't like the title I gave it so I'm leaving that out.

---

[untitled ghost story]

It was almost too cliché.

Of course the flat that was almost laughably cheap compared to all the others in the old building had something wrong with it. Of course, when she asked about it, people only gave vague answers before quickly changing the topic. Of course the old gentleman in the left-side ground floor flat sadly shook his head at her whenever he saw her climb the stairs, of course he looked at her like he was already mentally planning her funeral, and – when she had finally needled him enough – whispered about a gruesome murder long ago in that very flat, long before he’d lived there himself, and he’d spent almost all his life there.

Of course, the beautiful and beautifully affordable top floor flat near the city centre was haunted. What else?

Andy liked to think of herself as someone whose head was decidedly not-in-the-clouds and whose feet were firmly rooted in reality. Not so much a sceptic or even a non-believer as someone who simply knew there was nothing to believe in. People could believe in Yetis and Loch Ness Monsters, and Arthur Conan Doyle may have been fooled into thinking faeries were real by children with scissors and some book illustrations, and that was anyone’s right, but Andy preferred to keep her connection to reason intact and well.

So—of course—when, after a few exhausting weeks of moving her belongings to her new abode every day after work, she was awoken one night by a hand grabbing her wrist and pulling sharply, her reaction was perfectly rational.

(Screaming, in such a situation, is a rational course of action.)

Less reasonable, when she thought of it later, seemed the gnarly “You fuck off” that she received in response.

Andy was torn from her well-deserved rest by the sensation of someone trying to drag her out of bed by her wrist. With a strangled scream, her consciousness partly still entangled with the last dregs of an incoherent dream, she turned onto her side and brought her free hand down where she expected her attacker's, fingernails clawing at anything she could reach before her eyes were quite open.

The forearm beneath her fingers felt thin, and frail, and wet. There was a furious hiss when she tried to bend the bony bits far enough to maybe break something, and Andy, her eyes now blown wide open and blinking against the murky dark, hissed back with twice as much fury in return.

The hand twitched, and let go of her wrist. She could see it now, and it didn’t look like it should be anywhere near strong enough for the vice grip it had had on her, but she didn’t have time for a more detailed observation because the thing was wet and slippery and slithered right out of her grasp.

Trying to grab it again and reaching after it was still a perfectly reasonably thing to do. So was her breathless yell of “Fuck off!”, which she sent after it with the righteous anger of the unfairly awoken.

In the darkness, Andy froze on her mattress. Nothing else was forthcoming, no matter how she strained to hear anything over her own panting breaths.

“Rude,” she finally got out, because she couldn’t think of anything else to say. The thing had probably already vanished anyway. Or it had never been there in the first place and Andy was simply experiencing a very tangible nightmare.

She might have been convinced, too, if it weren’t for the slowly drying substance still coating her fingers. She wondered what it was, though she did have her suspicions. Slightly horrifying, very disgusting suspicions.

“If you got blood or, or, ectoplasm or something on my sheets I’m going to—do something very unpleasant, just so you know,” she threatened. The undeniable shake in her voice probably didn’t help her sound like someone who ought to be taken seriously, and going by the scoff heard from somewhere much too close to her face, the very much still present thing agreed.

“You seriously think getting poisoned and slashed up makes one bleed ectoplasm?”

The thing’s name, she learned, was Caroline.

It was at this point that Andy gave up on any hopes she might until then still have harboured of getting any more sleep that night. Slowly, she sat up – yeah, in the feeble light of the city below, there was a definite red sheen to the stuff on her hands, and it absolutely had gotten on her sheets – and turned lightly towards the voice.

“Guess not? I’m not sure what ectoplasm actually is, though.”

“...me neither.”

Something shifted beside her. Andy caught a glimpse of—something. Something pallid, sharply thin and distorted, and glistening wetly in a red so deep it looked black in places. Something barely visible, too, because she could see the floorboards through its form. Andy looked back down quickly, but she couldn’t exactly leave it at that. “So, are you… haunting me?”

A shrug, in the edge of her vision. The voice, torn and broken and oh god she had read about the effects of rat poison once and she did not want to think about that – the voice wavered a bit, underneath it all. “I– yes. Fuck off.”

“But why,” said Andy, before the thing could make its mind up to try and continue its previous activities, because she could practically feel it tensing its half-corporeal muscles to grab at her again.

The thing paused.

And told her.

Caroline had been dead for roughly a century. She’d broken into the wrong bastard’s home hoping to find enough money to keep her alive for a few days. When the owner had come back, he had shown understanding, and offered help and supper. Then he had poisoned her stew and when the effects took too long for his tastes, used a kitchen knife to speed up the process.

Andy called in sick to work the next day. Caroline faded away with the night, cursing this fact the entire time, and Andy took the time until her ghostly guest’s reappearance to arrange a number of solid points and arguments regarding Caroline’s plans and life choices. Death choices. Choices in general.

Andy, by this point sitting side by side on ruined sheets with a translucent Caroline, felt a little sick and a lot fascinated. “So now you, what, haunt the place you died in? Do you need to find your… remains? To find peace or something?”

“I know where my bones are,” rasped Caroline. She was still dripping blood, what with her throat and arms being slashed open and her mouth dripping a mess of gore and foam, but apparently she needed to focus in order to be substantial enough to leave actual stains. “That’s not why I’m here.”

“Then why—“

“I’m here to exact my revenge,” hissed the ghost on Andy’s bed and yeah, that was a terrifying sentence from those wrecked vocal cords.

“On me?” Andy, reasonably offended, threw up her arms. “I haven’t done anything to you!”

“Not on you. On his bloodline.”

“I’m… pretty sure he wasn’t my great-grandfather or something. I know my family history pretty well. None of them ever even lived in the city.”

“No!” An angry, squelching sound came from somewhere within Caroline’s torso. “I just need you to leave, so the flat is free, so his grandchildren will move in, so I can get my revenge on them!”

Her murderer’s grandchildren probably hadn’t even inherited the flat, or if they had, they clearly had little interest in living there, since they had sold it to be rented out to whoever could afford the area’s rent. So driving out tenants seemed like a rather pointless endeavour as far as luring the “bloodline” in went. Now, surely the man’s descendants could be found if one set their mind to it, but was it worth it? They hadn’t murdered Caroline either. Blood relation or no, they were undoubtedly innocent in the matter, and Andy wasn’t particularly comfortable with bloody revenge on people that had done nothing to deserve it and probably didn’t even know of their ancestor’s misdeeds. Caroline would have to see reason, and just… move on.

In the end, it took Andy four nights to convince Caroline of the futility of her mission. Ghosts, it appeared, where stubborn, and weirdly obsessive about bloodlines. (“The blood in their veins knows what it has done, Andy!” – “No, no, I really don’t think that’s how it works–“)

It worked. Eventually.

“So you’ve decided then? You’ll move on?”

“Move on where?”

Andy shrugged. “The afterlife? Wherever the dead go.”

“Hm. I don’t know where that is. Do you?”

“... no.”

Moving into the beautiful and beautifully affordable top floor flat near the city centre, Andy had expected a lot of things. Having a semi-permanent (nights only) ghost roommate hadn’t been among them.

But with the real estate market being the way it was, she had little room to complain.

#Ash's ramblings #Ash's writing #ghost story #ghost stories #and they were roommates #bc obviously after this it's a gay ghost love story. obviously. my teacher would probably even approve #uni stuff

[pertinax--loculos]

So, I’ve been gone for a while again, because uni and work and life sucks, but this is always my happy place, so I figured I’d check in anyway. ^_^

This got long, so to start with -- let me know what you’re up to! Tag me, reblog this, whatever you do, all my notifications for the next 24-36 hours I will respond! What’s your most recent favourite bit of writing? What goal is in your grasp? What’s pissing you off in your life that you wanna bitch about? I am genuinely interested and can’t wait to hear! ^_^

Under the cut: brief musings on my current projects (including TE-YAL, which is rapidly becoming my favourite for reasons that will become obvious if you read), and slightly longer musings on ChatGPT (oooooooooh, controversial!!!!!):

With assignments and whatnot I haven’t done a whole lot of writing recently, which kills me. (What also kills me: the week we had on ‘legal writing’, where I spent the entire time I was watching content going ‘oh no. Oh no. No.’ Basically take the way I write and demolish it, and you’ll get what my examiners want. They said not to use the words heretofore, abovementioned, or whereas -- I use the two former casually at the slightest provocation in text communication, and I use ‘whereas’ more than occasionally in actual conversation, so that’s fucking fun. -.-) There’s also a semi-issue with The Monstrosity where I decided I probably need to delete a character -- and therefore change the POV from the original to something completely different, including all of their relationships with the other characters. It’s kinda unconsciously blocked me (? or maybe that’s just uni and other shit); regardless, I thoroughly imagined the next scene, but haven’t actually got it down into words. Lots of rejigging and whatnot which annoys me, because plotting is not my forte, which brings me to my next point:

I revisited TE-YAL just over the last couple of days for... reasons (that I genuinely cannot recall, but anyway). And I know I’m gonna be fucking lynched for this on here, but I’m gonna say it anyway -- due to a series of circumstances I’ll detail below, I used ChatGPT to get me through the block, and I think it’s fucking worked.

I’m gonna say straight up, please don’t think I’m using it to write anything. The fact is that TE-YAL stands for Traumatised Ex-Young Adult Leads, and the idea of the WIP is that it’s a group of people who experienced something that could have been a YA novel, coming back together to confront the people that made them, and discovering that everything they thought they knew about their origin wasn’t actually true -- but that last bit (confronting the people, etc) I didn’t have an idea on until tonight.

So this is rambly, but if you’ve made it this far, congrats, you get the full, still not-entirely-coherent explanation:

The initial idea was very ephemeral, and used an idea I’ve played with in a lot of WIPs, unsure which suited it best. It’s basically a superpower that’s medically possible. And I played with that for (*checks*) around 13k, and then I was like, ‘well, if I’m gonna make a thing of this, I need other medically plausible superpowers for the others’.

And I could research that, but you go to a wiki page on nanotechnology or gene manipulation and come back to me four hours later still not sure if that would work.

So I went to ChatGPT. And asked the question, ‘what superpowers would be medically plausible?’

And it gave me a list. And I asked, ‘okay, that’s cool, but how on earth would #3 on your list actually be medically plausible?’

And it gave me an answer. And it fitted with what I was working with.

So I asked about a couple of other numbers. And some didn’t work, but some did. And suddenly I have 90% of the worldbuilding that I hate -- having to do medical research to ensure that what I’m proposing is at least plausible.

(And, I know, some people would probably say, ‘well, why does it need to be plausible?’ But this is a genuine block I have, and a reason to not write.)

And the fact is -- when I started jotting down notes about who had what ‘superpower’, I started to go, ‘okay, why would this company be researching this in this way? What do they have to gain?’ And an hour later, I have an entire backstory, and -- without meaning to blow my own horn -- it’s fucking amazing. Like this WIP has fucking legs. There’s so much commentary there, and I already knew there would be commentary, cuz there’s a problem with one of the main relationships and there’s also problems with what the fuck happens after these traumatised YA leads save the world? And there’s bigger questions I’m looking at and wanting to explore. And honestly I’m really excited because I think it could be really cool.

And I’m not using ChatGPT to fucking write anything. God knows it couldn’t, and if it could, I don’t see how it would be much different than AI art -- a poor imitation of human imagination. But to collate information in a way that negates my tendency to procrastinate because I need specific answers and can’t be bothered learning basic gene theory in order to do so? Fucking amazing.

And honestly, because I’m so bad at plots, I’m not entirely opposed to asking its opinion on what an arc should be for someone with X background, or Y scenarios that might lead to Z. They might all suck and I’ll roll my eyes. Or it might give me a jumping off point -- just enough to jog my own imagination, and make me go, omigod, y’know what, that could WORK...

I think it’s a tool -- and it’s a tool that’s gonna be misused (people use hammers to kill people, after all). And I don’t think it can write. I don’t believe AI can write a novel that many people would read. Some people would, but some people read the drivel that’s self-published on Amazon, and have we ever viewed that as competition?

There’s gonna be developments of course, and don’t get me wrong -- I ABSOLUTELY condemn the training of these fucking AIs on writing, painting, digital art, or ANY OTHER ART where the author or artist has not given permission. Perhaps that’s where people would also condemn my usage of it. But I genuinely believe this usage makes it a content narrower, an assistant who can go back and google the bullshit I don’t wanna and spend the time simplifying the resulting information into a way that I can use for my stories without me spending hours researching if it’s medically plausible for a person to shoot lasers from their eyes. (It’s not, according to the 500 word response from ChatGPT.)

I guess this post is to say -- hi, I hate worldbuilding! And any tool that makes that easier is going to be embraced by me. (Also, the profession I want to go into is already saturated by this type of AI, and I am going to need to keep up with the times if I want a job when I graduate in a million five years.)

If you’ve made it this far, congrats! Please tell me your opinions on what I’ve said. It may take me fucking weeks to respond because of everything else, but I’m highly interested in this issue and highly invested in the tiny little experiments I’ve done tonight. Also, if you wanna know more about TE-YAL, lemme know, because I’d love to talk about it. ^_^

#pockets muses IWL #WIP: TE-YAL #chatGPT #ooooh that's bold #fucking tagging that #and #writeblr #IN THE SAME POST?? #i dunno maybe i'm behind the times with my thoughts here #but it's a thing and i thought it should be said #aside from all that #PLEASE PLEASE let me know what's happening with you! #after an absence i hate not knowing how all my friends are doing :( #so please catch me up if you wish #(jellyfish) ^_^_

[bibuddie]

SORRY i haven't been on in a couple of days!! life got a little hectic since i moved into uni!! idk how much i'll be on in the next few weeks tbh but here's a little update on the last couple of days if anyone's interested:

i moved into dorms saturday and met my flatmates, and they all seem absolutely lovely!! i told them straight away i don't really feel comfy going out to nightclubs and stuff and that i have certain boundaries in terms of social interaction and so far they've been so understanding! we live in a flat of 8, and there's three of us that only drink a little/don't drink at all, so that's super comforting!

sunday we had to go to orientation, and we spent most of the day together as a flat! i went down to the college hub to play pool with the non-drinkers, and then we came back up and played a couple of card games, including CAH (i won btw (: ) before we all called it a night. today we visited the other side of campus for a talk from the vice chancellor of my uni who — as a side note — has one of the most soothing voices i've ever heard. then me and my flatmates went on a walk around the campus bc that's where most of our lectures are based, so it was good to get a bit of a lay of the land!! we all came back to the flat after that and watched some netflix together, then we got some free pizza. we all had some drinks together because they were going to another club night and i waved them off and, well, here i am!! also in the process of typing this i got locked out of my dorm and had to walk ten minutes across campus to sort my key out so uhhhhh oopsies!!

but yeah!! overall, things are going pretty good!! i have my first introductory talk on wednesday and then lectures start on thursday, so it's pretty full steam ahead from this point!!

#rebecca rambles #uni stuff

[kitten4sannie]

groupie anon back at it again!! also this nickname has me BLUSHING grhsfbksj also reading your replies is always so fun because I get to see my original message too (I have a terrible memory and so it's always a surprise for me too)

my rant is significantly shorter this time, though I do have to address one thing: calling yungi the 'twin towers' was FOUULL. it had me wheezing, that shit was hilarious and I will be using that from now on.

I write for different anime fandoms! (I feel like I gave my account away hahaha oh well, oopsie). see, I prefer writing fluff because it makes me blush and act even more delulu than I already am, but smut is your forte. you write it so well it makes me curl up into a ball and wonder what good I did in my life to deserve such immaculate pieces of literature.

also I spent almost all day at work today thinking about what I could write about for my first kpop fanfic and I've circled back to this one idea like 5 times.... sannie sick fic. SANNIE SICK FIC!!!!! no seriously imagine him all snotty and flushed, BEGGING to be cuddled but you can't because he's contagious, so you make him soup and tuck him in and he's so cute and soft and his hair is definitely greasy because he's been in bed for almost a week straight (but you give him a scalp massage because he's sannie and nothing can keep you away from him) but not even a yucky virus can stop his talkativeness and he keeps rambling until you shove a spoonful of soup into his mouth to shut him up and he's so FLIRTY like sir are you sick or are you drunk?? he's so in love and reader is just as in love with him back.

phew.

okay so sannie came up and suddenly I'm a liar for saying my rant would be shorter this time (isn't this the longest message I've sent so far??). I think you can tell why I enjoyed that san fic so much ahdbsjfbs he's got me in the tightest chokehold, there's nothing I wouldn't let him do. absolutely nothing, anything that was once off the table is very much on the table if he wishes it to be. the man can reach inside my body, pull out one of my kidneys, sell it, then fuck me into the mattress, and I would still get on my knees and beg to suck his dick afterwards. seonghwa, too, can treat me like I'm nothing but a couple holes to play with. I genuinely need to censor myself right now because if I say any more, the psych ward people might come for me.

also drummer jongho is so... yes. despite not reading any jongho fics, I will be found dead before I ever deny that that man does not give off the most attractive energy ever, but he's also a cute little teddy bear. personally, I love fics where he's my little brother hafjdbf, they're literally always the best ones ahaha.

uni started again for the year and I thought I'd be more busy with that and work, but I will personally make time to write that sannie fic because it's life or death at this point tbh. happiness doesn't come from grades, it comes from booseoksoon and sannie sick fics. also it would be nice to actually chat normally rather than through asks hahhaha.

until next time!! (I will read the valentine day hwa fic tonight, so you will probably get another message from me soon - I read the tags, I need a couple hours to mentally prepare for it)

P.S., my laptop crashed three times while I was writing this, but the universe will never stop me from sharing my love.

hey!! blushing pleaseee stop being so wholesome rn i can’t take it 😭😭 i love it too it’s like we’re public pen pals ;;;; pffff no same i have the memory of a fruit fly i prob won’t even remember what i typed out after i finish this sentence jshdgd

it was so foul fnrrrr but also so true!! i actually saw someone else on here use that term so kudos to them for coining that shit’s funny af and i’m glad you could get a good laugh out of it!

anime fandoms hmmmmm i’m gonna do a little investigating 👀🔍 ughhh i love fluff that shit makes me blush harder than hardcore smut i swear ??? pleasee you’re gassing me up sm it’s making me feel like debby ryan in that one movie 😭

little cut here

SICK SANNIE FIC ???? my third eye is open and my chakras are aligned like - you’re a genius dude!!! NOT FEEDING HIM SOUP AND GIVING HIM A SCALP MASSAGE AND HES ALL FLUSHED AND HES STILL FLIRTINGGGG EVEN THOSE HES DYING THATS SO FUCKING SWEET IM GETTING A CAVITY RN,, sorry for yelling but damn son

BROOOO I CANT - the thirstiness for san is so fucking relatable it hurts like i swear i’ve never been down this bad for anyone before but i would actually sell my soul to lucifer himself rn just to be a hole for that man but honestly anyone and everyone in ateez could get 25/8 and it’s cool the psych ward is knocking at my door as we speak 💅🏼

jongho was actually my very first bias!! his stage presence and voice during the their first mama performance (which was the first ateez thing i ever saw) blew me away and THEN i find out he’s the sweetest, softest, most respectful man to ever exist ??? and his gummy smile broooo holy shit

i hope uni and work goes well! exactly you should do the things you love 💕 feel free to send me a message! i don’t bite <3 i hope you enjoy it! i don’t blame you every time i see a tag for sub hwa my brain feels a little fuzzy ngl. i’m sorry it crashed ;; i appreciate you sharing it with me 💜

nooo i’m sorry it crashed! my phone closes tumblr all the time when i’m in the middle of typing and it takes years off my life 😔 god you’re so sweet 😭

#ask #for groupie anon 🎸

[fryingpan1234567]

welp I’m obsessed now, have some more headcanons from my college au

Wow not just Empires this time? Crazy

So the DSMP- it’s funny because no one else really swears, so when one of them (particularly like Q or Tommy) swears they get like a hundred people going “LANGUAGE” and at least four of them flick them in the side of the head

A few of them show promise as far as building goes- Foolish and Sam are both pretty awesome STEAM people

Most of them still don’t know what they’re doing tho lmao

As previously mentioned, the dorm buildings are really funky but I want to talk about them more

So the ESMP (Empire Building) is gorgeous architecture and vaulted ceilings and mural walls done by students; very shmancy, as far as dorms go. And then all the rooms are very different styles- Joel and Pix share a room (bf things✨✨) and it’s an Ancient Greek style, Scott and Sausage have a very colorful place, Lizzie and fWhip’s room is full of plants, aquariums, terrariums, and as many other living things as possible, Katherine and Shelby have lots of witchy magic everywhere and it’s pink and green and purple and black, Gem and Jimmy’s place is an absolute mess of things, but it’s all perfectly organized and put together and Gem’s ceiling is a skylight. Ollie and Joey look right over the coast, but the dorm is mostly ship themed because Ollie pitches a tent on the beach most of the time

I… didn’t really want to talk about the other two I just wanted to do Empires XD

Well a lot could be said about everyone’s fashion sense, because here’s the thing: they’re college students

That means we’ve got some of them absolutely tryharding and the others too lazy to throw on much more than jeans, a partner’s shirt or hoodie, and the nearest pair of Converse

But our tryhards (Tango, I’m looking at you) are out here in full fits and sometimes makeup that they spent a good hour on that morning and like?? Who’s got that kind of energy??

But all of them have to try at least a little bit sometimes, because field projects are a thing and they can’t show up in their pajamas

Example number one: fWhip spends most of his time in a combination of Pix’s sweats, Joel’s hoodies, and Lizzie’s flannels. But when it’s time to climb down into a bigass cavern for three days, it’s a WHOLE other story

We’re talking cargo pants, hiking boots, Mojang Uni T-shirt, full climbing harnesses, and he’s tied the longer front part of his hair into a unicorn horn to keep it out of his face so you can see the freckles all over his cheeks and forehead. We’re not gonna talk about why his partners very suddenly had nosebleeds while waving him off on his trip have fun babe!!

Example two: Bdubs normally wears his fuzzy green bathrobe that looks like moss over a white T-shirt and black jeans, but on days where he was to present projects/ models/ builds, it’s a sweater over a collared shirt and a Uni cap that Etho ALWAYS has to steal just because it’s that tempting to mess with his poor short boyfriend

But ofc there’s always those ones (ahem DREAM) who just don’t put all that much effort in

Niki, Lizzie, Stress, Katherine, Gem, Hannah, and Shelby work at the campus coffee shop (their menu is infused with magic!)

You can order a latte with a shot of confidence if you’ve got a presentation

You can order extra hydration if you have a field trip and need to walk a lot and you don’t want to bring a water bottle

The campus wind sailing team that consists of Puffy, Joey, Ollie, Ren, and Keralis uses the bay for practice while the rest of everyone else has a beach day (it’s a crowded but lovely sight)

Truth or Dare at parties is a fucking nightmare are you kidding me

Do not challenge Dream to obstacle courses. The only one who’s ever beaten him is Grian

Anyways

#ESMP #hermitcraft #ive been informed the ship name is glass spouses? #trafficshipping #hermitshipping #college au #DSMP #glass spouses #mcyt

[bookwormscififan]

The Aesthetics of You

Read on AO3!

(Kinda) Part 1

A/N: I had two basic ideas for this. One was a specific scene, the other was a quote I read for uni that I wanted to implement in a story. The result was this.

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There was something off about the key Mare kept pressing on the piano. Something about the pitch, the tone, the note was wrong. Peering under the lid, he couldn’t see anything wrong with the strings, so he chewed on his bottom lip as he continued to press the piano key.

Every sound seemed wrong since that phone call. The notes were muffled, plinking instead of singing, sights in the house seemed to have lost their vibrancy. He spent his days in the music room, trying to compose something, but nothing sounded right, and the smeared tears on the instruments seemed to inhibit the sounds.

“Mare?” Mad quietly sat beside Mare, leaning against his side as he placed a hand over Mare’s, stopping his playing to get his attention. “Move to the next note. You’ve always said this key was tuned wrong, unable to fix it, and you just play around it.” Gently, Mad lined his fingers up with Mare’s and shifted his hand to play the next key.

“It’s not working, Mad,” Mare’s voice was soft, missing its usual energy as he turned to look at Mad. “The music’s all wrong. It’s like the call took away the music in me, I feel like I’ve lost myself.”

“You’re not lost, you’re just grieving,” Mad replied, pulling Mare’s hand back to twine their fingers together. “You’re still the Mare I fell in love with, with your clever smirks and your creative talents. You love me, not for my looks or my voice, but for my habits and quirks. The aesthetics of my personality.”

Mare stared at Mad, tilting his head as he listened to his boyfriend talking. He enjoyed listening to Mad’s insightful speeches, the lectures that reached his ears like sweet melodies in a concert hall. His eyes were the only vibrant things he could see, glowing and shining as Mad shared his knowledge with the person he loved the most.

“An article by J. Dollimore suggested that ‘aesthetic desire compensates for loss’, which I think applies to you, because—” Mad was cut off by Mare’s hand on the back of his neck, pulling him close as he crashed their lips together, twisting his hand into Mad’s shirt as if letting go would send him away forever.

There were tears beading in the corners of Mare’s eyes as he kissed Mad like his life depended on it, sliding his hand up Mad’s neck to tangle in his hair, tilting his head to deepen the kiss when Mad melted into the touch. Mad’s hands found their place on Mare’s shoulders, digging into the skin and pulling him closer, not understanding the sudden impulse but returning the passion.

When Mare finally pulled away, he rested his forehead on Mad’s, breathing heavily and shakily as he opened his palm against the back of Mad’s neck, feeling the soft skin and short hairs there. The grip on Mad’s shirt loosened, sliding his hand down to rest lightly on his thigh, and he choked back a sob as he kept his eyes closed.

Mad felt Mare’s breath against his lips, the tremble in his hands as he held him, and he moved closer to touch the tip of Mare’s nose with his own. Smiling at Mare’s stifled chuckle, he gently massaged Mare’s shoulders before dropping his forehead onto it, hiding his red face.

“The aesthetics of you are far beyond what anyone else would desire,” Mare whispered, moving to wrap his arms around Mad’s shoulders in a tight embrace. “No matter the instance or the issue, this will always be true. You are the best of me.”

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@iamvegorott @brokentimewatch @dungeon-dragons-dragons

#writing #fanfiction #nwtb fanfiction #madmare #fluff #my brain: how many refs? me: yes #someone remind me to write some MadMare x TTPD