#i just need like 4 hours here and I’ll be healed

[uniquesoulwinner]

My Queen

Leah Williamson x reader 

Idea that came to me after seeing Leah get her OBE today of a little surprise celebration with her girl who she didn’t think was even in the country! 

Hope you enjoy its not very good and the format isn’t working right so it might read funny but well it’s something 

Let me know what you think 

***********************

Y/n pov

Getting off the plane in London brings nothing but butterflies to your stomach at the thought of the day ahead. You see given that I’ve been in New York for work for the past 9 long weeks I was not meant to be here today well at least that’s what Leah thinks, I however always knew I would be here! 

As soon as we got the date for Leah to get her long awaited OBE medal I was on the phone to Amanda to plan exactly what was going to happen today, this has lead to a lot of sneaky phone calls between me and my girlfriends mother, who I’m nearly sure is more excited about me being there to surprise Leah than I am.

Finding out that I was going to have to be in New York for 16 weeks for work was never part of the plan, being away from Leah for that long was a thought that made my whole body hurt before I even went, which is why I I have worked my ass off over the last 9 weeks so complete everything I needed to do to get home to my girlfriend of 4 years early which brings me back to walking though Heathrow Airport at 7:45am on a Wednesday morning counting down the minutes until I have her in my arms again. 

Just as I was getting into the taxi to take me to the hotel I had booked for myself and Leah for that night my phone rang and my smile got even bigger seeing it was Amanda!

Y/n: Hey perfect timing I’m just in the taxi

Amanda: ahh perfect I’m so excited, she’s getting ready already! I swear she takes forever.

Y/n: Worth every minute though; you find yourself say thing that out loud without ever realising until you hear Amanda aww on the other end of the phone which made you blush no end! Anyway how are we looking for timeline I’m just heading to the hotel now to get showered and ready! 

Amanda: so we should be wrapped up in Windsor by around 13:30pm at the latest and then she thinks we are just going for dinner and meeting holly and all that couldn’t come to the ceremony there. You can hear the excited little giggle coming from Amanda like she is on a secret spy mission which makes you laugh  

Y/n: ok good and she definitely doesn’t suspect a thing right you ask already knowing that she doesn’t considering you spent 2 hours in the phone to her last night with her upset and missing you as well as telling you how much she wished you where going to be there today which yes broke your heart in two , the only thing that you hoped was seeing her face today would make up for everything!

Amanda: nope not a thing, she is completely oblivious you hear that cheeky giggle again she is going to be so happy y/n, she has missed you so much you you 

Y/n: yeh I know I’ve missed her too more than words but not long now, god I’m nervous you laugh at the Ridiculousness of getting nervous over seeing the woman that has been the centre of your world for 4 years now 

Amanda: oh sweetie you no need to be nervous, the second that girl sees you everything will be worth it, you know … Amanda suddenly stops talking only thing you can hear is some rustling and foot steps which your hoping isn’t Leah catching you both out 

Ok I gotta go she is wandering around now looking for her socks so I better help I’ll see you later ok text me when your there , ok bye bye bye and the phones goes dead leaving you laughing at the thought of your girl running around looking for socks which you know she will be treating like a Military mission in that room ! 

************************

Later on that day after checking in to the hotel and getting yourself ready , wearing a tight green dress that you knew drive Leah crazy with your hair down and curled and black heals, you where standing that the bar of the restaurant that had been booked out for today with holly catching up on every bit of gossip you had missed being away which was lot it seemed! 

Although after the 7th time checking the door you did catch holly giving you a very knowing smirk which made you laugh purely because you didn’t care how obvious you where being, ever since Amanda text to say they where 20 minutes away you could help but look out for them ! You wanted your girl and weren’t even sorry about it ! 

The restaurant was full of Leah’s close family and friends most of which were now laughing at the twitter comments over Leah being the queen of England now ! Lol 

You only snapped out of staring at the door when you heard Jen Leah’s teammate call you 

Jen: y/n how does it feel to have bagged England’s new queen  all you heard was laughter which then turned to cooing and awe’s when you replied saying y/n: she has always been my queen 

And right as you said that you seen her your queen walk past the window towards the door looking out of this world and every bit worthily of the title queen in your opinion but it was to time and time for you to hide in the crowd who had all turned to face the door waiting for her to come in, to which when she did come in she was meant by just noise of chatting and clapping but all you could hear was her laugh that beautiful laugh while she made her way around people still not spotting you ! 

Amanda however snuck around to hug you whispering how she couldn’t wait to see Leah’s face ! 

After around 5 minutes of her still not spotting you , you had enough of waiting so grabbed a glass of champagne and made your way up behind her as she spoke to Alex Scott and Kim little both of who started smiling the second they seen you approach! 

Y/n: would the new queen like a drink you said standing behind her and while you couldn’t see her face you could see her body freeze as she heard your voice which made your heart burst. Y/n you heard her whisper still not turning around which made you giggle given that all you wanted right now was to kiss her still though you stepped forward so you where right behind her meaning you could whisper in her ear hello baby, any chance I could get a hug now?  You didn’t even have a split second to react when her arms where around your neck with such force that if ever the sensible kimmy hadn’t if grabbed the champagne out if your hands it would have been all down the back of Leah’s very expensive looking suit ! 

Suddenly all the people in the room weren’t there anymore the only thing that you noticed was your girl finally in your arms after way to long and while pulling her impossibly closer to you , you just breathed her in every part of you and missed every part of her and now here you could never imagine being away from her again which made what you were about to do even more clear in your head, so while holding her as close as possible with one arm your eyes met Leah’s grandmas giving her a nod and hold out your hand , you watched as the whole room tried to contain themselves as she placed the black velvet box in your hand giving your hand a small squeeze as she did !

Focusing back on Leah who’s head was still buried in your neck, pulling back slightly so you could see her with a massive smile on your face that was thankfully matched by her, finally gave you the chance to look into those eyes that have had you weak for years. It’s only when you see her eyes flick down to your lips that you pull her in making sure she can’t feel the box behind her back, although all sense leaves your body the second her lips meet yours for the first time in over 2 months. Finally it feels like I’m home you think, kissing her is home , she is home and with that thought you remember what you have hidden behind her back so with one final kiss you pull back to be met with a pout from her. 

Leah: your here, your actually here 

Y/n: I’m here baby I would never miss this looking at the smile on her face makes all the sneaking around worth it 

Leah: please tell me I have you for more than one night baby before you go back the pout comes back to her face again as she speaks Giggling at her you step back completely! Here goes nothing you think as you look into her eyes again how about forever you whisper never breaking eye contact, seeing the confusion on her have made you smile as you looked down at the box in your hands which was now between you and Leah, flicking your eyes back up seeing that hers where now fixed on the box in your hands as well it was go time so slowly you lower down onto one knee and open the box , hearing the gasp come from her  gave you the confirmation that the band you had chosen was the right choice! 

Y/n : le there is nothing I could say right now that would be any different to anything I have told you every day for the past 4 years but what I will say is how proud I am to be yours baby, every day with you is the best day of my life letting out a shaky breath as you see the tears in her eyes before you carry on and I want that for the rest of our lives, so Leah Williamson OBE you give her a cheeky smirk as the room fills with laughter , will you do me the honour of marrying me? Holding your breath for the whole 0.2 of a second it takes before you hear her say yes yes a million times yes , smiling with the tears running down both your faces you pull the ring from the box and finally put it on her finger as she pulls you up into a bruising kiss. 

You hear the cheers in the room, the clapping and banging on tables but all you feel is her , your finance , your Leah , your home! It’s just you two in the bubble of whispered words between the two of you consisting of i love yous, don’t ever leave again and I can’t wait to make you my wife , everything in that moment is just perfect! 

**************************

Hours later after food , champagne, a lot of laughter and more love than you could imagine, you are standing back beside your finance at the side of the room arms wrapped around each other just watching your friends and family around you. Turning to Leah you decide to take the teasing that’s been going on between the two of you for over an hour now to the next level,

Y/n: I booked us into a hotel for the next 2 nights so I hope you have no plans for tomorrow you say while looking her up and down because I have no plans on leaving that hotel room tomorrow. Watching as her eyes darken on front of you you step a little closer to her so you can whisper in her ear and just so you know earlier wasn’t the only time I plan on dropping to my knees for you my queen 

And with that Leah walked away and started saying goodbye to everyone you giggling behind her especially with the knowing looks you got from some people in the room but to hell with it you hadn’t had your girl in 9 weeks so you where going to make the most of every minute if that night and every night for the rest of your life with your queen ! 

#leah williamson x reader #woso x reader #woso fanfics #leah williamson #leah williamson imagine #fanfic #x reader #imagine #one shot #female reader

[wynonnahyde]

The saloon was lively, most if not everyone dancing, drinking, or socializing. Two younger people had recently been wed, so naturally, it was time to celebrate the new couple. Wynonna sat at the end of the bar, smiling as she watched everyone dance around, a smile on her lips. It had been a little, at least in her time, about 3 weeks since her horrid week. She wasn’t healed by any means, but she felt much better than she did, just had to be careful as any harsh hit to her chest or stomach would make her collapse.

She wasn’t drinking, which came as a surprise to most people, rather, slowly eating some chips that the saloons owner had made himself. She hummed along to the song on the piano, smiling at a few people as they passed by.

Later into the night, a younger man sped into the building, eyes darting around until they landed on Wynonna, speaking to an older woman. He quickly passed the crowd, excusing himself as he intervened.

“A—are you Wynonna Hyde—? Sand-spider?” He asked, his voice trembling.

Wynonna looked at him, a little off guard as she looked at the boy. “Yeah? Why?”

“There’s been a sighting out by the towns watering hole, where we all put our horses during off season, and sheriff has gone missing.”

“Missing-? How long?” She was shocked, no one went missing, especially the guy who uses his gun more than handcuffs.

“4 hours now, he said not to get you, but I heard a yell up by there and— well you catch the bad guys! I’m just a watcher at the jail!” He rambled, hands shaking as he looked into her eyes.

She hesitated, but sighed, nodding as she stood to her feet, nodding to the woman as a goodbye as she started to walk away, the boy following.

They exchanged more details, apparently a guy who was a little to snake like was out by the watering hole, seeming to be waiting. “And when the sheriff left, I heard a yell and couldn’t find him! So—so I came to get you..”

“…I—I’ll see what I can do, okay kid? If I ain’t back you get some people to come looking.”

The boy nodded, watching the woman start to walk off, her shadow disappearing into the darkness. It was a moonless night, visibility was low, very low, meaning you couldn’t really see who was around. Her steps were slow, and quiet, scanning the area as she slowly made it to the watering hole.

“…Sheriff? Jacob sent me out here, said you was missing?” It was silent, no reply. “…Timothy? You out here?”

Yet again, there was so reply, making the hair on her neck stand up. She was looking at the water, the towns watering hole, somehow, the water stayed, it was deep, about 6 feet, some people said it was an old burry sight that got abandoned, then filled. Everyone sent their horses down here during off season, when there was no work to be done.

“…fuckin’ hell man, c’mon don’t do this, Mary and Andrew just got married, we don’t need a death…” she sighed, going to step back to walk more down west, before a snap of a twig filled the air, her senses firing as she turned her head, seeing Timothy standing by the waters edge, staring her down. “Shit! Jesus, Timothy you scared me straight a moment…are you okay? You look like you’ve done seen a ghost.”

“I should’ve killed you when I had Johnny.” He simply said, his voice calm, cold.

“…what…?” She took a moment to reply, raising an eyebrow. “…Johnny died at the hanging tree, his guts were ripped open, what the fuck do you mean by that.”

“You stupid woman,” he spat, stepping closer, hands twitching. “My daddy spent his entire life tracking your family and his, just to die three day shy of your wedding?! and you all get off SCOTT FREE”

“Johnny was turning his life around, that man was fixing what his family had done! Your daddy wouldn’t leave us alone! We had never done anything!”

“Exactly why your father paid me to end it, you were to valuable, if I caught you two, I would have taken the entire ring down!”

“…what.”

She stood still, staring at the man as he started to chuckle, rolling his eyes. “What..? You thought it was a random man? Idiot!”

“…you…no. You—you helped me take him down from the tree, you helped me keep his guts inside.” She said lowly, breathing slowly.

He scoffed, eyes rolling as he held a sick grin, “you did the easy part in killing your daddy for me.”

Wynonna just blinked slowly, her hand moving to her side, grazing the fan, and handing on the handle of her gun, her breathing turning ragged. “You…fucking…BASTARD.”

She ran at him, drawing her gun, which caught the man by surprise as he stumbled back, a few gunshots ringing out. They struggled, Wynonna blinded by pure rage as she tried her hardest to shoot the man, a few bullets raining into the air.

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD. HE FAUGHT SO HARD TO MAKE A LIFE FOR US. WE WERE GOING TO HAVE A CHILD. WE WERE GOING TO BE SAFE DOWN IN WASHINGTON.” She screamed, her voice ragged, a guttural yell.

The man simply grunted, looking for a way to get her down, the two ending up in the shallow end of the waters. He let out a yell, and hit her ribs, causing her to gasp, loosing air as she fell to her knees. The next moments were a blur as he struggled, shoving her down into the water with a splash. She let out a yell, trying to grab a breath of air before her head went under the water.

His hands wrapped around her throat, held down under water, she fought, she really did fight hard, but she was loosing air. She clawed, she hit, she kicked, she tried to get up, nothing. Her head was getting fuzzy, her eyes hurting, her chest begging for air. She inhaled, water rushing into her lungs as she gagged. She felt weak, her mind slowly starting to fade, and in her final moments, her thoughts were only one person, the one person she made a promise too. Rider, Doll, Juniper, June,

Junie.

#rp blog #sandspider #spiderverse rp #ok to interact

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 29, Unarmed, Redux - Pt. 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language,

Word Count: 741

Previously On...: Steve made some confessions.

A/N: Finally, resolutions!

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

Tumblr will not let me directly tag the following: @marcswife21 @erelierraceala @jupiter-107 @doublejeon @hiqhkey @unaxv @brookeleclerc

You sat there, staring off into space for several moments. You couldn’t believe that had just happened. Was there no end to the number of times a super soldier would betray you?

Bucky cleared his throat after a few silent minutes. “I’ll… I’ll leave you alone now, doll,” he said. “‘M sure I’m one of the last people you want to see right now.”

He made to leave, but you called him back. “Buck, no,” you said. He turned around and looked at you quixotically. “Stay. We’re not done.”

He swallowed, then nodded, coming back to sit in the armchair next to your bed. “Yeah, okay,” he said. 

“Did you mean what you said,” you asked, looking up at him. “Back in Atlantic City? When you said you were self-sabotaging?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at you in confusion, as if that was the last topic of conversation he expected you to bring up right now. “When, uh… when you broke things off, for good, after Russia, I started seeing Raynor a lot more frequently. Like, two hours a day, every day,” he offered. “I needed to understand why I kept ruining things, especially when you make me so damned happy. It didn’t make sense to me.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, didn’t make much sense to me, either,” you told him with a smirk, but he didn’t catch it.

“She told me, and I’m paraphrasin’ here, that, despite all the progress I’ve made, I still haven’t forgiven myself for the things I’ve done as the Winter Soldier,” he said, fidgeting with his metal fingers. “And, because I haven’t forgiven myself, I can’t see myself as being worth being loved, being happy. So, I did things, behaved in ways that proved I shouldn’t be. Like a, uh… ‘self-fulfilling prophecy,’ she said.

“She said that I created a loop, a cycle, where I kept makin’ fucked up decisions because I kept expectin’ to fuck up,” he continued. “Like, of course I hurt you, because I was scared of hurting you, if that makes sense? She said Carthage was like a mirror. When I sought validation from her, I was really seeking it from myself. I don’t necessarily know if I buy that,” he chuckled humorously. “Feels like it lets me off the hook too easily, but the doc seems to think it makes sense.”

You nodded, considering his words. “I thought you said she was a shitty quack,” you said after a moment. Bucky looked at you questioningly. “I did.”

“Sounds to me like you owe her a ‘thank you,’” you said, smiling at him. “What did she tell you to do about it?”

Bucky shrugged. “She called me a fucking dumbass, to start. Told me real love isn’t about whether or not you think you’re worthy of someone; it’s about working to be worthy of someone, to keep striving to be the best version of yourself for them. She said I needed to learn how to be honest, with you, and myself, to let you know when I’m struggling, to open up so we can help each other carry our burdens, and not hide mine away because I’m afraid.”

“She sounds a lot smarter than you’ve ever given her credit for,” you teased gently.

Bucky snorted. “Never let her hear you say that,” he said. “I won’t hear the end of it.”

“Can I ask you a question?” he said, after a moment of silence. You nodded. “Did you mean what you said, in front of Carthage, that you wished we could start fresh? Build something new? Something better?”

You nodded again. “With my whole heart,” you told him. 

Bucky seemed to take a moment to contemplate your words before he stuck out his hand. “‘M Bucky,” he said.

You scoffed playfully. “What the hell kind of name is ‘Bucky’?” you asked with a grin.

“I dunno,” he said with an answering grin of his own. “What the hell kind of name is Pocket?”

You grabbed his outstretched hand and pulled him to you, slotting your mouth over his and feeling his smile against your lips. “POCKET!” you heard Tony shout from behind the closed door. “He’s been in there long enough! The people demand to know! What the ‘F’ Is It?”

You and Bucky broke apart from your kiss, foreheads pressed together as you both laughed. Yeah, you thought with a smile, the two of you were going to be okay.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu bucky barnes #james barnes

[rae2velaris]

Azriel's ongoing theme is to find...

PEACE. WITHIN AND AROUND HIM

To realize that he is:

Worthy of love

Loved by his family for WHO he is as a person

Not defined by his traumatic past and actions

Allowed to fight for who or what he wants

This male has been:

Locked up in a cell for ELEVEN years by his stepmother, only being let out an hour a day and an hour a WEEK to see his mother

Burned ruthlessly by his half brothers at the age of eight, resulting in burns on his hands that didn't fully heal, leaving scars (which he's STILL extremely self-conscious about after 500 years)

Surrounded by darkness and shadows for years without sunlight as a child

Forbidden to train and fly while he lived with his father, something that's taught to Illyarians as a BABY

Shipped off to an Illyarian camp when his father found out he was a shadowsinger

Mocked as a bastard child alongside Rhys and Cassian

Hated by the Illyarians for his immense power due to being a bastard child (Illyarians valued patricharcy more than anything)

Separated from his friends for seven years during the war. (Rhys' father was FEARFUL of the bat boys being together because of their power)

Assigned as the spymaster by Rhys' father and was forced to do all his dirty work (we don't know what ALL Rhys' father made Azriel do during the war, and he was a ruthless male)

Pinning over Mor for over 500 years, even finding out Cassian slept with her

Thinking he is only of value to his friends for his work as a spymaster

Almost killed twice (once when trying to save Elain from Hybern and second when he was pierced by an ash arrow)

Finally able to move on from Mor, finding solace and peace with Elain (who is interested in him as well) only to be ordered to stay away from her due to Lucien being her mate ( even though she doesn’t show interest in Lucien)

Azriel needs some all-around PEACE in his life.

What about a love interest?

The fandom seems to debate on this topic, but one thing for sure is that he doesn't need to be "challenged" by someone... Where do we even see THAT being anywhere in the books?

Here's what we are shown...

1. Where do we find him most at peace/relaxed?

With Elain

Even Feyre states that Elain would find PEACE and QUIET with Azriel... and liked the idea...

2. Who do we find Azriel's focus on?

Elain

3. Where do we find the IC being the most surprised by Azriels reactions/actions?

With Elain

4. Who does Azriel ALWAYS try to beat Feyre to greet/assist?

Elain

5. Who does Azriel always volunteer to help?

(Omg I hit my limit with photos 🤣)

But I strode to my seat—nestled between Amren and Mor—in time to see Elain say to Azriel, “Hello.” Az said nothing. No, he just moved toward her. Mor tensed beside me. But Azriel only took Elain’s heavy dish of potatoes from her hands, his voice soft as night as he said, “Sit. I’ll take care of it.”

Elain

6. Who stills Azriel's razor-sharp thoughts?

Too many razor-sharp thoughts sliced him any time he grew still long enough for them to strike."....

Azriel let his shadows whisk away the box as she said softly, "Put it on me?"

His head went quiet.

Elain

7. Who was Azriel willing to give up his LIFE to save?

From the shadows near the entrance to the tent, Azriel said, as if in answer to some unspoken debate, “I’m getting her back.” Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azriel’s hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows. Nesta said, “Then you will die.” Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, “I’m getting her back.”

Elain

8. Who openly accepts Azriel's scars, one of his BIGGEST insecurities?

Azriel, graceful as any courtier, offered her an arm. I couldn’t tell if she was looking at his blue Siphon or at his scarred skin beneath as she breathed, “Beautiful.” Color bloomed high on Azriel’s golden-brown cheeks,

Elain

9. Who actually SEES him and notices his needs?

“I had Madja make it for me,” Elain explained. Azriel’s brows narrowed at the mention of the family’s preferred healer. “It’s a powder to mix in with any drink.” Silence. Elain bit her lip and then smiled sheepishly. “It’s for the headaches everyone always gives you. Since you rub your temples so often.” Silence again. Then Azriel tipped his head back and laughed.

Elain

10. Who is Azriel thinking about every night?

He had only allowed himself these thoughts in the dead of night. Had only allowed his hand to fist his cock and think about her then, when even his shadows had gone to sleep. How that beautiful face might appear as he entered her, what sounds she'd make

Elain

11. Who does Azriel want to kiss and have a lovely pussy eating feast on?

Wrong -- it was so wrong.  

He didn't care.  

He needed to know what the skin of her neck tasted like. What those perfect lips tasted like. Her breasts. Her sex. He needed her coming on his tongue --

Elain

ELAIN IS THE ANSWER TO HIS PEACE...

TO HELPING HIM FIND PEACE WITHIN AND AROUND HIM.

#elain acotar #elain archeron #elriel #elain x azriel #azriel #elriel supremacy #azriel acotar #pro elriel #acotar #acowar #acomaf #acofas #acosf

[kakiastro]

April 8th Solar Eclipse: A time for healing & moving on

The first big event is upon us friends! I wanted to really break down what this solar eclipse can mean for us collectively. There’s so much fear lingering, misinformation and people just talking crazy about this.

First and foremost, eclipse happens every year so there’s no need to fear it but you should learn to respect its significance and spiritual backgrounds.

The reason this eclipse is getting widespread attention because subconsciously it’s calling us all to heal and step into a brand new chapter. This eclipse is conj Chiron exact and the NN(North Node). I’ll explain, keep reading.

Eclipse has always been symbolic for the endings and ushering a new beginning in your life. The etymology of the word eclipse means “fail to appear” and “to leave” things that no longer is good for us and is exiting out our lives whether we like it or not. Soul growth is at play here.

Solar(Sun) has always been related to leaders. now in our personal lives, it effects a certain part of our life. Depends on the house(area in life) the sign Aries is ruling for you.

Aries is the first zodiac sign, it’s the start of the spring season and always represents the start of new beginnings. Aries also rules over our actions, motivations. Aries rules over Men and masculine dom people. Aries rules the head, aggression, fighting. Leadership is also ruled by this sign.

The solar eclipse will be happening at the 19°(Libra degree)

Now we just had a Lunar Eclipse in Libra so this is just a continuation story.

19° is known as a karmic degree

Now the SN was conj this Lunar eclipse which means we started removing what no longer serves. This will be a theme for all of us for the next 4 years.

Now the Solar eclipse will conj the NN, so we’re in the phase of letting go while also starting new and trying to find ourselves.

Chiron will conj thiss eclipse exact. Chiron is known as the “wounded healer” but it’s also a teacher. We, as a collective is healing our wounds that we may have been holding on for a long time. Purge and release baby! Use this energy to purge and release so you can step into the new you and life!

Now whenever a planet enters a sign, we have to look a the signs planetary ruler to get a better glimpse of the energy.

Aries is ruled by Mars which is currently in Pisces. So this eclipse in a way is spiritual. Pisces is also the last zodiac and represents end of cycles, so this rotates back to Chiron and healing. A lot of subconscious things are being brought to the surface.

This is also a mental eclipse because Mercury is Rx in Aries. We are going to be communicating that hurt out loud. You may have moments of feeling triggered or what the tarot community calls a tower moment. Honey, I’m here to tell yall to let that tower fall and crumble because it’s time to start building that castle you hear me! 🗣️

We are healing mind, body and soul. Will it be easy? Nope! Will it be rewarding in the long run? You bet!

This solar eclipse energy will last for 2 years and including the lunar eclipse which is 4 years so a total of 6 years of this cycle of Aries/Libra storyline will wrote. Both eclipse heaviest energy last for 6month-year.

If you’re wondering how I calculated this, I did it based on how long each eclipse last. Solar is 2 hours and the lunar was 4 hours. Then I just added it together.

The only advice I would give anyone regarding this eclipse is to not look up at the eclipse without some type of solar sunglasses or you could mess up your eyesight. I personally don’t in believe looking at the sun at all during eclipse, but just soak in the energy, meditate, heal, write out your goals. I know some people are curious and there’s free will but I wouldn’t be a good astrologer if I didn’t tell you to please take eye precautions before yall do look up!

Also since this energy will be intense, headaches may happen so get some Tylenol or just a cold towel over your head!

No need to be scared, I know change is hella uncomfortable but it’s necessary! I’m wishing everyone the best with this energy!

#astrology #astrology community #knowledge #love astrology #astro observations #advanced astrology #birth chart #kakiastro #tropical astrology #solar eclipse

[sevcasejay1chicago]

Don’t tell Jay -Jay Halstead

Summary: When you are still in pain when you should be fully recovered from surgery, you try to sneak to Med to not bother Jay. Will is not having it.

Mentions: Natalie Manning, Will Halstead, and Maggie Lockwood

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety and medical talk. Nothing really.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you woke up still in pain after tossing and turning in Jay’s arms all night, you knew you needed to go to Med. You pretended to be asleep when Jay left an hour ago, knowing he would stay home and insist on accompanying you to see Natalie. You had surgery two weeks ago today, and you FINALLY just convinced Jay to go back to work three days ago. He had been by your side for a little over a week and a half, pampering you and making sure you were healing up nicely. You loved him and appreciated him, but you could tell he was ready to climb the walls. He was a man of action and, though he loved taking care of his wife, he needed to be with his unit and in the action.

Hopping into your car, badge in your backpack even though you hadn’t been cleared for duty yet, you made your way to Med. You knew Will was most likely on shift this morning, so you prayed he wouldn’t see you. He would call Jay as soon as you were put in a room.

Walking into Med, you bypassed Leah, smiling at the receptionist and waving like nothing was wrong, and made your way toward Maggie. The charge nurse looked up as her ED doors slid open, immediately coming around the desk at the sight of you.

“Hey Y/N. Here to see your brother in law?” Maggie asked, smiling and pulling you in for a quick hug.

You mustered up the biggest smile you could and shook your head. “Actually, I need Nat.” You barely got the sentence out before Maggie was pulling you into a room.

“Sit down. You look flushed.” Maggie said, placing you on a gurney and pulling out her phone. She pressed a few buttons before placing it to her ear, balancing it with her shoulder. “Nat. I need you in treatment 4. Now.” Maggie said, waiting for a second before hanging up and taking your temp as she went. “100.” She muttered, placing the pulse ox on your finger and blood pressure cuff on, pushing the button to start it as Nat and Will walked in.

You groaned, making immediate eye contact with your brother in law. “Ah Hell.” You muttered, causing Maggie to chuckle. “Don’t call Jay.” Was your immediate reaction to his presence.

Will rolled his eyes, staying in the doorway as Nat approached you. “You know he will kill us both when he finds out.” Will replied, looking cocky cause he knows you know he’s right. “You never know when he will walk through those doors either.” He pointed out.

You nodded, throwing your head back in defeat. “Fine.” You caved, crossing your arms and looking to Nat.

“What’s goin on?” Natalie asked, coming to your side and rubbing your arm.

“I’ve got some pelvic pain. And lower back pain. It doesn’t feel normal so here I am.” You explained, gesturing around the room.

“Heart rate and BP are high. Temp of 100 and oxygen is at 95.” Maggie rattled off, looking at Natalie first and then Will.

“I’ll be back. Hang in there kiddo.” Will said, patting your leg and taking out his phone. He was gonna call Jay.

Natalie nodded and started pulling off her stethoscope. “Let me take a listen and then I wanna look at your incision site and take a feel. That okay?” Natalie asked, already adjusting her ear pieces.

You nodded and laid back, trying to relax. After taking a listen and feeling your abdomen, Natalie stepped back and grabbed the Ipad Will left for her at the foot of your bed. She typed a couple things as Maggie started an IV on you.

“I’m gonna get some blood work on you and a CT. I’ll be back in a bit. Maggie, hang fluids and give her something for the pain and a mild sedative. Jay can take her home later if all turns out well, but I think the high BP might be a stress response.” Natalie rattled off, before giving my leg a squeeze and leaving Maggie to work.

“Jay is gonna have a cow.” I muttered to Maggie as the charge nurse started to put an IV in my arm.

“Moo.” Jay deadpanned, walking in with a serious face but playful look in his eyes.

“That was fast.” I muttered as Maggie laughed at his response.

“Hailey and I were already here to check on a Vic. I was upstairs.” Jay replied, coming to sit next to you as he took your hand. “Why didn’t you call me or tell me before I left? I know you didn’t sleep well.” Jay said, nodding a thanks to Maggie as she finished up and left the room.

“I didn’t want to bother you.” I muttered, looking down and picking at the blanket Maggie had put over me at some point.

Jay sighed, figuring this would be your answer. “Hey. Look at me.” Jay waited until you looked at him, tears in your eyes as guilt flooded your system. “Listen to me. You are my wife. My first priority. You matter more than this job or anything else. You hear me? You are NEVER bothering me.” Jay said, reaching up to wipe your tears.

You nodded, biting your bottom lip. Jay reached up, gently pulling your lip down with a thumb on your chin. “Just hate this.” You sighed, wiping at your eyes. “I wanna go back to work and put this behind me.” You were beginning to get sleepy. You knew the meds were starting to take effect.

Jay sighed too, standing up and telling you to bunch over. You did as he asked, allowing him to crawl onto the gurney with you and take you into his arms. “I know baby girl. I know.” Jay muttered, leaning up to kiss your head. “But you gotta let me take care of you. The more you relax and let me take the reigns, the faster you will heal up and be back in the bullpen with the rest of us.” Jay reassured, rubbing his hands up and down your arms.

“Nat gave me a sedative.” You muttered, leaning your head into Jay’s chest. You were already exhausted when you came in. These meds were gonna knock you out.

Jay nodded without needing an explanation and pulled you closer, being careful of the wires. He placed a hand in your hair as he pressed the bar to recline the bed back a little bit from his position. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to recline you a little more and make you more comfortable. “Alright. Well, you just let it work. Relax, okay? I’ll be right here.” Jay said, pulling the pony tail holder out of your hair and massaging your scalp.

You hummed in response, allowing your eyes to slip closed. You knew he was disappointed that you didn’t call, but he wasn’t going to press the issue now. You were in enough pain to come in and need a sedative for what he figured was anxiety, so he wasn’t going to add any more stress into your life. He would have time to talk to you later when you were feeling better. Your heart was in the right place, but you needed to let him take care of you. After all, he made a vow and he did not intend on breaking it.

#one chicago #jay halstead #one chicago x reader #fluff #jay halstead x reader #comfort #detective jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead fluff

[cookie-crumblr]

The Smell of Smoke

Innocent F! Reader x M!Yandere Bully OC

Part 4~

His Info: 🖕✨

Part: 1 2 3 4 5

!!!MINORS DNI!!!

CW: !F reader, use of she/her when referring to reader, reader has a vagina, YANDERE, DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, name calling (bitch,little slut ), BULLY, gagging, extreme violence against reader, branding, burning, oral on ml, spitting, choking, water boarding, p in v, breeding kink themes, collars (i think all above is still non-con) DRUGGING(SO SORRY I FORGOT OMG)

“Name’s Ace! by the way, I mean…” Ace fumbles with his fingers and his hair for an awkward amount of time before speaking again. “Um… Y/N…” He takes a deep breath finally deciding to get to his point, “Stay away from my brother. I mean— like— please!”

“I wasn’t trying to be anywhere near the guy, he’s just… everywhere.” You sigh.

“I… I know… You have to keep trying though! I-It’s not that he’s a bad person… He just…” He makes a motion to your damaged person to demonstrate what he’s trying to say. “Anyway, I’ll get ya outta here and home safe, but you have to promise me at least eventually that you’ll stay away from us.”

(Changes how the future parts of SOS will play out)

Ace’s warning did little to change your future. Your present…

You washed your face in the bathroom at school.

That was all.

All you did to deserve this.

Ezra holds your face under the faucet and painfully smushed against the porcelain.

He shoves you harder against it suddenly, it twists your neck.

“Take it, bitch.” He uses his other arm to motion something behind your back. “Hold her. You, strip her.”

Other hands take the place of his against your head.

You hear a flame, “N-No!No!NoNonoNo!” you babble.

“Shut her up.” He motions to them with his shoulder. His hands are occupied, holding a blow torch in one, and a brand in the other.

You shake and struggle violently against them, one stuffs something into your mouth, and another breaks your leg by kicking in your knee.

You scream into the gag, and that isn’t even the worst pain you’ll get to experience today.

Ezra presses the red hot metal to your, now still, lower thigh.

The agony is immeasurable.

It feels like an eternity, but

You black out from it instantly.

You aren’t in a hospital when you wake this time.

It’s more like…

A prison. or, a detention center.

Your leg is set right, and your burns are being properly treated. The environment could be cleaner, but you seem… Safe.

“He’s coming down,” some guys guarding the cells say as they get into position.

Ezra comes down the stairs, you can hear him before you see him.

“When’s she gon’ wake up”

“Not for another hour or so…” someone pipes up.

His foot thumps come closer and closer until, he’s within your bed’s upright position’s view.

“She looks awake t’me.” He takes the man’s skull in his hands and slams it into the glass. His face comes closer as if to say something—

“Wait!! Wait! Ezra!! I literally just woke up!! Don’t!” You jump to your feet and the monitors buzz and screech. Your leg hurts.

“Get in there and stop her.” He opens the door and throws the man in.

He lights a cigarette as he stares holes into you.

The other guys grab you and force you back into bed. the “doctor” quickly and effectively, sets everything back into place.

You don’t have any fight left to try anything.

Ezra gets them all to leave before coming in to see you up close.

He tilts your head up roughly and bends down to kiss you without saying a word.

You let it happen, too tired to resist, though a fire builds in your core.

It almost burns, and then, he pulls away.

“You’ll need time to adjust, and heal.” He says as he stands back up.

“Adjust?”

“Yeah. Like new schedule ‘n shit. You’re… Under my protection now.” He rolls up his sleeves, “You have t’ adjust t’ this too.”

“To wha—” His dick is shoved into your mouth, wetness pools from the intrusion.

Hands in your hair forcing your nose bent up, and pressing tight against his body.

You choke around his girth. “Your mouth already forgot about this cock, I’m hurt” He throws his head back as he starts to fuck your face. Only bringing it back down, to stare at your big watery eyes.

His scowl deepens as he fucks you harder. “Don’t waste any.” He spits on you, as he cums down your throat.

“Turn tha fuck around, bitch, and crawl.”

You do as you’re told, looking back at him a couple of times and catching his lingering glances.

“I’m only gonna give you my fingers right now, and you’re gonna cum f’ me. Gotit, bitch?”

You nod.

Your legs shake, as he starts to stroke your lips. his thumb is teasing your entrance while his two fingers pinch and glide over your clit.

“Mm ah!!” You cry out, the dull throngs of pain from your leg injuries adding to you’re pleasures intensity.

“Good little slut” He fucks you harder and harder with just his fingers on the outside and his thumb not even inside you. You come completely undone on his hand.

He buckles a thick collar with a leash around your neck and ties it around a metal post.

“Mmf, actually, I might cum in you again,” His voice is so much deeper and hungrier than you’ve ever heard in anyone.

“Hah! ahh! haah haa!” You moan in rhythm of his thrusts.

*plap plap plap plap*

He stripped completely naked to fuck you.

This man goes all out.

He’s holding you by your arms, and he shot you up with morphine.

Your body burns so bad and you don’t even know how many times you’ve came.

He pulls you to the edge of the bed and folds your legs to your chest and into a mating press.

“Don’t fuckin’ waste this—“ He thrusts in harder, “I don’t cum ‘n sluts”

“Oof!” He’s knocking all the wind from your lungs as he pounds into your womb. “hu-huh!?”

*Plap — Plap — Plap!*

“AH!!” Your body shakes, and at the same time he reaches for some duct tape nearby, as he pulls out he wipes himself clean and presses his cum back into you.

He then puts the strip of it right over your cunt.

“Don’t have too much fun with that, ‘n you better not get fucking pregnant, bitch.” He disappears out the doors again, and you’re left a high and confused mess.

#my oc #yandere #oc x reader #oc x you #yandere x reader #yandere x you #my fic #tw yandere #dead dove do not eat #yandere bully #bully oc x you #bully oc x reader #bully yandere x reader #bully yandere #bully x victim #bully x reader #bully oc #yandere bully oc #oc ezra #bully

[amica-aenigmata-naboo]

COLLISION

Astarion x Y/N - Chapter 4 - 3.9K WC

Masterlist

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4 (you are here!)

Chapter 5 NSFW 18+

Chapter 6 NSFW 18+

Chapter 7 NSFW 18+

Warnings: mention of SA (not detailed), drug use (elixir), slightly steamy (not NSFW)

-------------------

A sunbeam perfectly aimed for your face is what woke you. The warmth making you smile before you lazily got up from your bedroll, wincing a bit. You saw everyone seemingly at the bonfire looking like they were ready to head out. Everyone apart from a certain vampire. You jogged over to the campfire from your tent. 

“Y/N! Thank the gods you’re awake. We were all going to head out and visit a merchant, care to join us?” Karlach beamed. 

You went to answer but you winced, hard. Enough for Karlach and the others to notice. You lifted up your shirt to reveal the wound the nurse left on your lower stomach. 

“That’s infected, no wonder you’re in pain.” Gale said, moving to retrieve a salve from his backpack. “Here,” he said, rubbing it into your skin before conjuring gauze to cover it. It felt cool and soothed the hateful heat emitting from the wound. “That’ll take a few hours to clear the infection out and fully heal the wound. You’ll need to stay here and rest for the day. Astarion will stay with you; help keep the camp safe and keep you company.”

“Sure it's a good idea keeping those two together?” Shadowheart asked, alluding to the punching incident. 

“We’ll be fine.” you reassured her, giving her shoulder a light squeeze. 

“Well we best be off. Want anything from the merchant?” Karlach asked.

“I’d love a book or two if you could find any for cheap.” you asked shyly, “I’ll pay you back when I can.”

Karlach shook her head, “No need, books it is! Rest easy soldier!” she said starting to leave camp.

Gale clapped your shoulder before leaving, “Books, eh? A cleric after my own heart.” he smiled.

And just like that, camp was quiet aside from the occasional bird. You elected to change into a different pair of small clothes. A simple black, flowy long sleeve. Much too large for you but that's what made it so comfy. Slipping on a new pair of under shorts you hauled your dirty clothes and armor to the streamside. You trudged back up the hill to grab your phone. So far it hasn’t needed to be enchanted again, it has yet to fall below 100%. You peered into Astarion’s tent as you walked past it, he was still asleep (meditating?), best to leave him alone. 

Returning to the stream with your phone you started to play music. The soft beats of Cooks by Still Woozy bumped along as you softly sang to it, cleaning your clothes and armor. 

-------------------------

Astarion watched you walk up and down the hill to the stream twice, acting asleep when you peered into his tent. He snuck down the hill, grabbing two bright red apples before standing a few feet behind you. The music you listened to was strange, nothing like he had heard before. Your world must have been strange. He made his way to you, shifting the rocks as he walked so he wouldn’t startle you. You looked up at him, a smile graced your face that would put the sun to shame. His rare doe eyes made an appearance along with a genuine smirk. Nothing seductive or tricky about it, just unhideable glee. He felt so wrong and yet so right being this happy with another person. Most of all he felt confused, unsure of how to proceed with all these new feelings that accompanied freedom. He pushed the anxiety to the back of his mind, silently holding out one of the apples to you. You gently put your armor down, wiping your wet hands on your shirt quickly before taking the fruit. 

“Thank you.” you smiled at him before motioning for him to sit with you as you took a bite. Astarion sat with his back against the tree you had hung your clothes on to dry. His feet next to your legs as you sat criss cross fully facing him. He ate a few bites of his apple before looking into your eyes.

“What?” he asked, he had felt you staring at him.

“Sorry! I just… I didn’t know vampires could eat real food.” you tried to say casually, finding your apple to be most interesting in the moment as you stared at it in your lap.

He chuckled, “We need blood to survive but we can still imbibe in the pleasures of mortals.”

You nodded, giving a short chuckle of embarrassment. 

Astarion bent his head a little to catch your eyes which you quickly averted. He sighed, “Any other vampiric queries? You must be dying to know…” he smirked his usual taunting smirk at you. 

“Are you sure? I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable…” you eyed him.

His heart grew two sizes. You cared about his feelings? You weren't going to make him talk if he didn’t want to? You surprised him everyday, and today was no exception. He nodded at you.

“Can you eat garlic?” you asked.

He laughed and looked at you confused, “Are vampires from your world so weak they can be taken out by a vegetable?” 

“Apparently.” you laughed, “How come you can be in the sun?”

“That’s a new development thanks to our little worms. Usually I’d be a pile of ash.” he grimaced at the end. 

You nodded curtly, “Wooden stake to the heart, is that lethal for vampires here?”

“Who wouldn’t that kill?” he asked rhetorically. 

“Good point.” you said finishing your apple before throwing the core into the stream, Astarion doing the same shortly after. “How old are you?”

“230.” he said softly, the air changing into something sour. 

You looked at him empathetically, scooching closer so you could sit next to him. Hesitantly you softly grabbed his hand, giving him every opportunity to pull away. He watched you trace his knuckles, veins, tendons, etc. You spoke softly as you interlaced your fingers, “People often speak in riddles when trying to comfort others… but the pain you’ve endured. All I can say is I’m so sorry Astarion. So very sorry.” You gently kissed the back of his hand before continuing to trace his veins.

He nodded and looked down to hide the stray tear that threatened to spill. He squeezed your hand before letting it go. “Would you like to do something fun?” he asked suddenly.

You pulled your hand back, missing his touch already all the while suppressing any urges to crave intimacy with him. “Absolutely! It seems we have the camp to ourselves today, no better time to do something fun.” you smiled at him standing up. You moved your armor to a large rock so everything could start drying. Astarion walked to his tent and you followed. He turned to you after digging in his supply pack for a moment. He held a rectangular bottle with a dazzling gold liquid swirling about inside. 

“Elixir of Folly.” he said, handing it to you. You inspected the bottle before popping the lid open. A few random sparkles fizzled out before you brought the bottle to your nose, it smelled like vanilla and death. You quickly pulled it back from your face. Astarion laughed at your reaction. He gently took the open bottle from you.

“Don’t worry, a little death is what makes this so fun. You’ll be fine I promise.” he said before drinking half the bottle. He handed the rest to you, waiting to see if you trusted him enough to try it. You took the bottle, “Cheers?” you said quizzically before gulping down the drink. You didn’t feel any different.

“So… what does it do? Make you happy or something?” you asked, sitting on his bedroll. He sat next to you knocking your shoulder with his playfully. 

“Euphoric is a better term. Let's just say this potion is for… recreational use.” He could feel a gentle warmth engulf him. His brain felt fuzzy and everything seemed full of wonder. A gentle smile laid on his face as his eyes glossed over.

You felt the same sensations, “I’m sorry but did we just do drugs? Magical drugs?” you said with a slight panic to your voice. 

“Darling, with all due respect, shut up and enjoy just this once. Please?” he sighed.

You put your hands up in surrender, “Alright, I trust you.” 

His eyes widened a bit, the soft glow around you surely proved you were an angel. A stupid idea really, to trust him. And yet, all he could feel was pride and joy at the fact that you trusted him and wanted to protect him. He would never admit it, not even to himself, but he trusted you too. Is this what it feels like to be cared for? You let out a long sigh, pulling him from his thoughts. He watched you shift so your whole body was laying in the pleasant sunlight. You stretched, reminding him of a cat on a sunny day. Your hand flew up, eyes still closed. He looked at your hand before taking it. You yanked him down so he was laying next to you in the sun. He quickly relaxed, stretching and making himself comfortable in the sun. He watched you, memorizing your face while it was blissed out. 

“Ya know,” you began softly, keeping your eyes shut “I never do this in my world. I feel like I belong to the dark there. It's… lonely and… miserable if I’m honest. I like being here with you. With all of you. I don’t even know if I want to go back.” you hummed, a little smile never leaving your face. 

What Astarion neglected to tell you was that Elixir of Folly was known for loosening tongues and dropping guards as well as its euphoric side effects. He really had no ill intentions, he really did just want to have fun with you. But he couldn’t help but hope for exactly what was happening, you dropping your guard enough for him to probe. 

“You don’t want to go home?” he asked, gently brushing a piece of hair out of your closed eyes. 

Your eyes fluttered open, you turned on your side so you were facing him. You softly took his hand that brushed your hair away, holding it to your cheek and rubbing your thumb over his knuckles repeatedly. “If I’m honest… it never felt like home. I was stuck doing the same mundane thing over and over again every day… it made life… melancholic.” you sighed, looking down sadly. It's true, life wasn’t easier before all this happened to you. Drowning in bills, fighting depression, being alone. Maybe that's why you thought so little of going home. You don’t really want to go back, but you should… shouldn’t you? The longer you stayed in Baldur’s Gate the less you missed your old life, the less you remembered it. 

Astarion hummed, rubbing his thumb over your cheek bone. “Really? No lovers are going to miss you terribly?” he asked.

You let out a huff that was almost a chuckle, “I haven’t had a lover in quite some time.” you replied.

“Oh? And why’s that?” he said quietly shifting ever so slightly closer to you.

“I was tired of being used. I’d rather have nothing than be used like a collection of parts for somebody else.” you paused for a moment before flicking your eyes to his momentarily, “I’d live 1000 lifetimes alone if it meant I got to have one love. One true love. But… I don’t know if I was made to be loved. I think I was made to love others. To look after everyone else and make sure they feel okay. Some people are just born with tragedy in their blood I suppose.” you sighed. 

“I understand,” he whispered. Trying to change the mood he quickly asked, “What’s your favorite color?”

You giggled at his ungraceful change of topic but let it slide, “Black.” you replied.

“Favorite book?”

“A Portrait of Dorian Grey.” you said quickly. “Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.” you quoted aloud.

Astarion smiled, he liked that you enjoyed reading. Even more impressive that you could recall quotes from the book so easily. He felt the quote sink into his mind, thinking how something tragic must be behind you just as there is for him. 

“A secret?” he asked hesitantly, looking at you.

“I like you a lot. Even when you didn’t like me. It made me so sad you didn’t like me. It made me even sadder when you wanted to have sex because I know you don’t want to.” you rattled off, sounding progressively more sleepy and unfocused. 

Astarion’s chest gave a squeeze, “How did you know I didn’t want to?”

“I know what it’s like to have someone do things to your body that you don’t want. I also know what it’s like to feel like you owe someone your body. Both are wretched feelings. I could see them in your eyes. I’d never want to hurt you, especially like that.” you mumbled, unconsciously snuggling yourself into his chest as you drifted off to sleep. 

Astarion let this tear slip down his face. He listened to your even heartbeat, he watched the hypnotic rise and fall of your chest. He held you while you slept until he too started to feel drowsy.

“I’m going to fall for you and it will kill me 1000 times over when you inevitably leave.” he whispered to nobody in particular, slipping into a dreamless sleep. 

-----------------------

Karlach and everyone else went back to their tents as soon as they all came back. Everyone was exhausted from having to walk two towns over since the usual merchant wasn’t in town today. She walked past Astarion’s tent with little care until she noticed four feet just barely peeking outside of the tent flap. Her curiosity got the better of her and she opened the tent flap slightly. Her fiery heart jolted with happiness. The two of you lost in slumber and each other's arms. Karlach silently took your phone from next to you, she took a picture of the two of you. She had come to love your phone, especially after she learned how to take selfies. Gently plopping the phone back down next to you, she backed away from the tent. 

------------------------

You awoke to the ghosting of a hand rubbing soft circles on your exposed hip and lower back. Fluttering your eyes open, you were met with Astarion’s ruby eyes. You jolted back a little, the feeling of the elixir completely gone. You tried to scoot away but he held you in place. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll go…” you said, again trying to leave. You couldn’t believe you fell asleep on the one person who didn’t need the pressure or even the innuendo of intimacy. 

“Stay?” Astarion asked hopefully, readjusting his grip on your hip so he could pull you back to him. 

“Astarion stop, you don’t have to..” you looked at him with a fragile gaze. 

“But what if I want to?” he said against your lips as he finally pulled you flush to him, in the softest tone you’d ever heard him utter. His eyes looked between your lips and eyes repeatedly, asking an unspoken question. 

You wish you could. Gods you do. But you couldn’t tell if this was real, or if he had ulterior motives. Your eyes grew sad as you placed your hand on his chest, putting space between the two of you. 

“We shouldn’t.” you said painfully. 

Astarion felt a pang in his chest, not the good kind. Did you not feel the air grow thick and sweet whenever you two were alone? He shifted his gaze downwards feeling hurt but determined not to show it.

He cleared his throat before swiftly pulling away and getting up, “We should join the others, I can smell whatever they’re roasting out there.” He helped you up with one arm. 

Truth be told, your heart hurt just as much as his unbeating one. You wanted so badly to touch him, to feel him, to know him in every way. The last few weeks you have been together have brought you so much closer and every day you fell more and more for the pale elf. You’d never say it was love stirring inside you. Not out loud at least. 

----------------------

The group quickly took to drinking when a new companion came to camp that night. Halsin had finally returned. You introduced yourself and found yourself drinking with the friendly druid like you were old friends. You had quite the green thumb back home, plants covered your home wall to wall. You two talked about nature endlessly and before you knew it, you felt drunk. Karlach had started to play music on your phone a while ago, everyone had come to like having the music going during supper. Astarion sat on the adjacent log at the campfire, unusually quiet beside Karlach. He watched you light up for the druid. Has he misread everything between you two over the past few weeks? 

A particularly lively song came on, Allegro by Antonio Vivaldi. Halsin stood, extending his hand to you. You looked at him, your cheeks warming “I… I’m sorry… I don’t exactly know how to dance to this type of music.” 

“Where better to learn than among friends?” he declared pulling you up and to the side of the campfire. 

Halsin was patient. He taught you the most simple waltz, or what you could call a waltz in your state. You giggled and smiled, it was infectious. Everyone seemed to enjoy the sight. Everyone except Astarion who huffed and walked back to his tent after the third song had passed. He couldn’t bear to watch you grow close to another. The way Halsin put his hands on you so gently. Could he ever do such a thing? To watch someone else end up with someone he wanted so desperately. So purely. It left an awful taste in his mouth and a wrenching in his heart.

You spun around and finished your dance. Out of breath you thanked Halsin for the lovely dances before excusing yourself and trotting after Astarion.

--------------------

You knocked lightly on the tent post. Astarion hummed, expecting another one of your companions perhaps. You entered his tent and he tutted looking away from you. 

“What?” he said sharply.

“I wanted to check on you… why’d you leave?” you said shifting from foot to foot, his tone making you feel uneasy.

“Oh you noticed? I thought you’d be in Halsin’s bed by now.” the venom in his voice made you cringe, stepping back from him.

“What? Why would you think that? I just met him tonight?” you sounded confused.

“Like that would stop you.” He said standing up, moving to walk past you.

You ignored the way you felt your eyes getting misty, putting your hand against his chest making him stop and look at you. “You’re being hurtful. Why?” you asked.

He sighed, the last time he tried this approach it got him punched so he might as well attempt to talk to you about his feelings. If he could manage it.

“Why didn’t you kiss me?” he whispered, his own eyes misting. 

You bit your lip before responding truthfully, “Because I don’t know if you truly want it. Or if you’re trying to use me. I… I can't do that again, Astarion. I won't.” you paused, taking in a shaky breath “And I won't let you use yourself to get something from me. You need but ask and I will do as you ask without hesitation.”

“Kiss me then.” he asked, his eyes big and pleading.

You looked down, shaking your head. You let the tears fall but did your best to keep quiet so Astarion didn’t hear you breaking. You crumbled to the ground, the weight of everything sinking you. Astarion descended with you. He looked so soft, so concerned. So unlike the snooty jerk you initially met. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” he asked, taking your hand, tracing your knuckles, veins, tendons, etc. “You could cut me down and I’d ask you to do it again. Everything with you feels unlike anything else. It drives me mad honestly.” His admission shocked you, you went to reply before he spoke again, “And yet, I seek you out every day because whatever you have poisoned me with… it's as if you are the antidote. I cannot breathe when you are not near. I rise and rest with my thoughts being overwhelmed by you.” he sighed shakily. 

You looked at him, absolutely gobsmacked. Your tears hadn’t ceased; Astarion raised his hand hesitantly before deciding to beg forgiveness instead of asking permission before he wiped your cheeks with his thumb. He held your face in his palm, the lump in his throat growing with each passing moment. 

“I want you. That is my choice, that is my decision, those are my feelings. And if you won’t have me just say the -” Astarion’s preparation for rejection caught in his throat when you consumed him in the most feather light kiss. Your hands shook as you gingerly held his face, ever so lightly deepening the kiss. You pulled back slightly, eyeing him for a reaction. His eyes were closed, he had a smile on his lips, and his tongue darted out to taste yourself on him. 

“Can I do that again?” you ask barely above a whisper. He was captivating. His lips tasted like brandy and you could get lost in them forever. 

“As you wish.” he said, opening his eyes. Pulling you to him so that you straddled him. He felt you tense above him, not putting your weight on him. “We can stop if either of us feels anything besides pleasure.” he assured you as he held your face with one hand and your hip with another. He looked so calm, as if this is right where he wanted to be. You settled yourself in his lap quickly before going back to his lips. You moved them hesitantly before he kissed you with so much passion it made your head spin. The kiss quickly turned into a battle for dominance but it was no surprise that the man with 200 years experience over you won. Astarion moved to lay you down, you felt his hands roam your body. He kissed your jaw, moving down to your neck, then your collar bones. His fingers gently untied the laces of your shirt. 

You went rigid.

Scared

Is what rang out in his mind. He quickly pulled off of you, glancing you over to see if he had somehow hurt you. 

“I’m sorry…” you whispered, pulling your shirt together. “Can we… not do anything more?” 

Astarion’s worry faded into understanding, “Of course.” he smiled as he pulled off of you. “Could I be so bold as to ask you to stay? Just to sleep!” he quickly clarified.

You smiled up at him, your erratic heartbeat already returning to normal. “I’d love to.” you said as you shifted yourself on his bedroll. 

He laid next to you gently, pulling a silken blanket over the two of you. Of course he had a silk blanket for sleeping on the ground. You chuckled to yourself at the thought. You curled into his chest once again, falling asleep all too quickly. Astarion ran his fingers through your hair, he kissed your forehead one final time before closing his eyes, preparing for sleep to take him.

“To the beginning of my end.” he cheers’ed himself.

Hello! Some not awesome stuff happened in life recently, so I thought I'd write a bit. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Next chapter might have some NSFW stuff in it. What do you think? Please let me know if there is anything you'd like to see in the story or suggestions you may have. I love getting comments! Thanks for reading! <3

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #bg3 #lae'zel #gale of waterdeep #bg3 wyll #shadowheart #isekai #karlach #writing #balduran #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate astarion #baldur's gate iii #baldur's gate oc #astarionposting #bg3 astarion #astarion #baldurs gate #baulders gate 3 #astarion my beloved #bg3 companions #astarion x you #astarion ancunin #astarion and tav #astarion angst

[somberjoon]

METANOIA [8]

✩ pairing: wolf hybrid nj x cheetah hybrid reader (f) - eventual ot7 x reader

✩ genre: soul-searching , romance🔞 , found-family , healing , angst , happy ending

✩ word count: 8.8k

✩ chapter warnings: uncertainty in behavior and emotions , anxiety , TW // panic attack with nightmare description of assault / sa (this is not explicit or detailed at all but talks of the suffocating feeling of touch) an asterisk * at the start and end of the section that includes this. inclusion of minor wound (bruises and small cuts) description. lots of feelies and talking this ch.

✩ summary: She doesn't know. There is so much about her and her cheetah that she hasn't had the privilege to understand. Unknown backgrounds and unknown emotions clash with feelings of want- hopes of being herself unapologetically. Namjoon seems to be someone that can help her- but can the rest of his pack truly be what she has wanted and needed?

✩ cover: me

ch.1 , ch.2 , ch.3 , ch.4 , ch.5 , ch.6 , ch.7 , ch.8 , ch.9

✩ disclaimer: i can't predict what anyone will think, but please understand that some important topics that need discussing as a pack in these circumstances are left out on purpose. If you can't figure it out now then it'll be a nice surprise lol.

Namjoon

The rush to put on better clothing for the chill of night goes by in hushed words from Seokjin and a now awake Hoseok. 

“You’re not being detained are you?” 

“No, they don’t have a warrant or anything. Whatever happened, it was probably Maria or Y/N herself that mentioned me and they just want information about events.” 

“Namjoon I don’t like this.” Hoseok spills. 

“I know, something doesn’t feel right- but I need answers and I at least have my job under my belt to know what my rights are. I’ll be okay.”

“Let Seokjin go with you.” Hoseok still pushes. 

“I don’t want to put him in that situation-”

“Can you hurry up?” Seokjin seems to manifest in conversation, dressed and ready to go. “Of course I’m going with you.” 

With Hoseok’s extra encouragement to bring the oldest of their pack with him, Namjoon and Seokjin leave in their own car, driving towards an unknown fate.

 At this time, the bustle of a police station is nonexistent. It’s an eerie feeling being searched and taken back to a room in…silence, really. The silence also makes him wonder where Y/N is, as he hasn’t even gotten a scent of her here. The passive woman that leads him to the room is the one that ends up asking him the questions. 

“We apologize for the timing that the officers showed up at your house. After finally getting some information from Y/N it had already been 7 hours of silence from her. I can’t give many details right this second, but after we get some more information I can let you know.” 

“Of course. Is she still here at the station?” 

“No, she actually didn’t even come here originally. She’d been in the hospital for some injuries.” 

  Somehow, his heart sinks deeper into the pit of his body and his stomach makes its way towards his throat. 

“Is she- is she okay?”

“Okay is a…hard word to use. Physically, she doesn’t have any long-lasting injuries, but mentally-” She doesn’t even need to finish for Namjoon to understand. It wouldn’t be any better if she was only hurt physically somehow, but knowing that whatever this was is just another huge blow to her mental health is sickening. 

“What do you need to know?” Namjoon asks, trying to get to the point but still keeping his composure.

“We have information that yesterday at approximately 12:00PM Y/N and you can be put in the same place. I was seeing if you could give us a rundown from the time you two met for the day to the time she got home.” 

Namjoon knows no specific words or details will be given to him just to see if the information matches both Y/N’s and Maria’s or Richard’s. So, he tells it honestly- the truth.

“I picked her up around 12PM, she had a class at the hospital that she wanted to attend and I was the one available to Y/N that could take her. So, I picked her up and she didn’t seem to like the outfit she was wearing- she wears comfortable clothing but, she just seems- not sure about what to wear to certain functions or events. Before the class, we had time to stop by a small clothing shop, just one in the strip mall. We picked out an outfit and she got to the class in time, which was at 1:15PM and lasted about an hour.”

“Do you know what kind of class this was?”

“Sexual Development class, a free one that- I think her doctor recommended it.” 

“Okay, continue with the events please.”

“During the class she had forgotten her phone, so I stayed outside the hospital, thus we were able to leave right away and go to my pack’s home for a visit. We, Y/N and I, had been trying to plan a visit to my pack home because of the growing friendships between me and her and another one of my pack members. She was anxious about it because she doesn’t really like meeting new people, she doesn’t trust easily, especially men. But, she blended in well, and because everyone was welcome with each other, it was a good visit. The cheetahs hung out, then we had dinner and then she seemed tired so I offered to take her home around 7PM.”

“Did Y/N show any odd behavior before you took her home?” 

“To be honest, she seemed reluctant to have me leave her home alone. I’m not sure if Richard was home at that time or anything, but I- I should’ve checked before I left. She didn’t say anything though, she didn’t ask me to stay or tell me if she was uncomfortable being alone.” Namjoon stops to bring himself back together, the thoughts of what could’ve happened fight their way to the front. His regret is immense at the moment, even when he doesn’t know what exactly happened. 

“Did you see anyone outside of her home? And, you said you didn’t know if Richard was home, but were there any signs that anyone else was there?” 

Red alarms immediately go off in his head. Because- no. He didn’t make sure, but-

“I stayed at that house, parked in the driveway for 15 minutes after she told me she was okay and locked the door. I wanted to make sure that she didn’t change her mind or-” this woman is a hybrid, she should understand if he says this. “I just felt like something was wrong, and I’ve known enough of her to see when she’s uncomfortable or when she doesn’t want to say something. I should’ve made sure she was okay.”

“Luckily, Y/N is safe now. And I can see that the storylines do add up. Your words were the last ones we needed. But, later on your pack could be asked to testify if the judge decides this isn’t a clean cut case.”

“Can you tell me? What happened?”

“If you guys are close, and if she trusts you as much as I think she does- she’d probably want you to know from her.”

-

Unlike the police station, the hospital has more people in it now that Sunday morning has started. Seokjin accompanies Namjoon now that he can, already heading towards the room with Maria’s approval to the front desk that he could be a visitor. To be honest, he feels entirely too invasive in the moment, but his worry isn’t only bubbling but ready to boil over at not making sure Y/N is alive and not on her damn deathbed. 

It’s easy to spot the room from a distance, as Richard sits in one of the hallway chairs with his elbows on his knees in a bent position. Obviously, he is in an uncommunicative mood- even as Namjoon passes by him, he says nothing. Instead, he looks through the glass of the door to see Maria sitting on one of the visitor benches in the room, looking at the hospital bed that’s blocked from him by a curtain. With his presence, Maria looks to the door to find him without him having to knock. She hurries to meet them outside with the door shut behind her.

“I’m so glad to see you.” Maria says with such relief, wrapping him in an unfamiliarly tight hug. Without a second to think, she’s giving Seokjin one as well. “She’s not verbal at the moment. To be honest, she’s only been verbal to give her statement to the police.” She looks into the window even if she can’t see Y/N from it. 

“I don’t want to make her uncomfortable being here-” It’s all Namjoon can think now that he’s actually here. He was really only her friend and someone that was with her only some hours of the day. “I just wanted to see how she was doing and-” He can’t just leave. God, no matter how out of place he feels being here, he can’t leave her right now. 

“Namjoon. You’re the only person she’s asked about.” 

“What? Why?” 

“She didn’t want to even mention you guys to the police. But, that would’ve been even more suspicious. So, she obviously told her whole story and- she asked if I could ‘let her know when Namjoon is questioned’. I’m guessing she was preparing for another devastating blow, because I told her this morning and she just broke down again.”

Of course she didn’t want any of them involved, just to keep them out of it, she’s willing to lie. 

“I think you should see her.” Maria says when Namjoon doesn’t respond. He looks to Seokjin in question, his hyung already knowing why. But, Seokjin only gives him a few reassuring nods and squeeze to his upper arm. 

The door shutting behind him finalizes the choice he made. He could turn back, he could leave knowing that Maria is here for her. But, just last night he thought the same thing- and it didn’t work out then. The pull towards her is too strong. 

Rounding the curtain gives him a view that’s a lot easier to process than he imagined. She’s curled up on her side with only her bun peeking out of the top of the blanket. She’s so small, even with her gaining weight and eating well- she’s still so small. His light steps don’t seem to stir her and he really doesn’t want to startle her, so his best shot is waiting, observing. 

A cushioned chair sits conveniently in front of the resting Y/N, Namjoon sits with light movements. He can finally see her eyes above the blanket covering her. Even like this he can already see a small healing cut next to her eye near her temple. He wants to know every part of her that was hurt- he wants to magically heal her of the wounds she was given, mentally and physically. 

It doesn’t take long for Namjoon to see Y/N take a few tentative sniffs above her blanket, eyes shooting open to land on Namjoon’s. 

Tears. It’s as if they were waiting to fall no matter what. He watches devastatingly with nothing to do. No sign of approval of his touch or words, no utter of his name- just tears. This was the final blow for him as well it seems. He can only say one thing. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, leaning closer to leave him less than a foot away from her. “I’m so so sorry.” Tears prick his own eyes, his wolf begging to touch, to soothe. His restraints are wearing thin as they just stare at each other. He has no queue to touch her, he has to wait and hope that she reaches out or just stays silent in her needs. He doesn’t even know if that’s what she needs, but he hopes she does. He hopes that he could be comforting for her, be here for her and calm her in some way. 

“I’m so sorry I left you there.” That's all he can say. Even more tears fall from her silently, begging for something. He’ll just need to pry like he usually does, he’ll do it forever if he needs to. 

“Is there something I can do for you?” 

“What if I hurt you?” It’s the quietest mumble of a question, somehow sounding clear despite her tears and the barrier of the blanket. 

“You won’t hurt me.” Namjoon says without even thinking, voice staying at a whisper. “What do you need? Do you need something from me?” He tries not to beg, but really anyone could hear it in his voice.

“I can’t.” 

“Can’t what?” Even without a response he’ll keep trying. He won’t make the same mistake. “Let me help you.” 

It's not an immediate response, but Y/N slowly reveals herself. Her blanket is pushed back to show simple clothing the hospital most definitely provided. He doesn’t mean to look, but the hospital shorts show purple bruises that randomly spot the top of her thighs. They're large- he tries to push away the thought of them looking like hands. 

She's asking in her movements as she slides closer to him, her legs dangling over the side of the bed now. He pays attention to her eyes, only her eyes as his peripheral catches more cuts and bruises that he's sure she doesn't want him to see. 

"Whatever you need." He says at her pause in movement. He takes the chance of guessing what she needs, opening his arms in an inviting gesture. 

Her silent tears turn to sobs just as her hand reaches out and takes a hold of Namjoon's extended hand. He closes his grip like it's a life line just as she does to him.

With slower movements than he'd like for himself but enough for her to not hurt herself more, she's finally showing what she wants. Climbing into his lap, legs bracketed around his thighs and body pressed into his finally. Finally she's in his arms- his own arms locked tight around her to keep her there. Her wet face and hurried breaths are pushed into his neck, as close as she can get. Finally, her tail wraps around him instead of squeezed around herself.

"I got you. I'm so sorry." He says over and over again like a mantra. 

-

Seokjin

He doesn't mind waiting for Namjoon, but the company isn’t the best. To be fair, he finally got some time in silence as Maria takes a phone call, but it's still a hospital- hospitals are never comforting.

"I know, yes I understand we'll have to come in and discuss- that's the protocol!?" 

Maria's frustrating outburst is more than enough to cause a few heads to whip her way. and this landing on Seokjin just a few chairs away. 

"Okay. Well, I don’t know when we’ll both be able to come in, maybe later today or tomorrow. Can I just call you back when we are able to come in?”

“Thank you, bye.”  She finishes her call and turns to sit right next to Richard who Seokjin really isn't comfortable sitting next to. Even if there is a spacer seat. Despite their whispered conversation, he can hear it. 

“The protocol for her case is immediate re-homing.” She whispers in a heartbreaking tone. “We could fight for her later on, but as of right now our house is deemed unsafe for her- for any future cases that may need a home.” 

With the pain in her voice, Richard is still silent. Seokjin almost wants to shake the man into some fucking sense. But, that’s only his instincts talking- he still has no idea what the story is. And now, he’s thinking about where Y/N will go. 

Somehow he already knows. 

-

Namjoon

Usually with Y/N attached to him, it’s hard to think properly. But now, with her safely in his arms, he’s thinking more and more about how to keep it this way. Despite that, dread fills him at the thoughts around the organization- he knows that Y/N can’t stay in that house, no matter what it was, she was hospitalized and there is police involvement. There is no way she’ll be able to stay in that house. He doesn’t even know if Y/N knows that yet. 

She had just gotten into a situation that was helping her and she finally had support that was pushing her towards a healthy life and healthy relationships. He couldn’t rid her of the friends she made when she loses a home as well. 

-

To be honest, Namjoon has no idea how long it has been since he's sat here, but Y/N has fallen asleep a while ago and Seokjin hasn't even tried to get a hold of him. 

Knowing that he needs to at least talk to Seokjin, Namjoon makes the hard decision to stand and gently detach Y/N from him. In her sleep she unapologetically reaches for him with greedy hands, unlike what she does in her waking state. He can't help but smile despite where they are and the unanswered things that happened. 

Slipping out to see Seokjin is a breath of fresh air he didn't realize he needed. He'd spend all day and night making sure she was comfortable, but it's still exhausting seeing someone you care about in such shambles. He'll be strong for her no matter what- and he'll be lucky to have others there for him. 

"How is she?" Seokjin's tired voice asks just across from her room door in the visitor seats. 

“She doesn’t want to talk- she doesn’t have any serious injuries. But she was comfortable with me, so that’s a start.” Namjoon says as he sits just next to Seokjin. “Where did they go?” He motions to the empty chairs that once held Maria and Richard. 

“They went to grab breakfast from the cafeteria.” Seokjin checks his phone just as he answers. “Taehyung has been begging me to let him come sit outside her room. I wish I felt comfortable with him coming, but I think it’d be bad if we had too many people here right now.” Namjoon knows that if Taehyung came then Jimin would want to come, and if Jimin came then Hoseok would feel obligated to come and keep watch over them. He can’t have that many people here right now. 

“It’s a good call, especially because we don’t know exactly what she needs or wants at the moment.” The silence stretches between them as if they’re both waiting to have this impending conversation. All it takes is one look to Seokjin for the fox to know exactly what he wants to say. 

“I heard Maria talking to Richard about the organization and what happens next, Namjoon. I already know what you’re going to say.” 

“It’s not immediate, especially not when she’s in the hospital, but-”

“But, this is not a conversation we should be having with just the two of us.” 

“You know I need you to know first right now, I need to know if this is something that would be possible.” 

“You would make it possible- I know you too well. I’ll let you figure out what you want to say, and what you need to tell the others. But- I’m on your side.” Seokjin gives him a light shoulder bump that lightens the mood just the slightest. 

“I didn’t hide anything from you or the pack.” Namjoon says suddenly, knowing that if he says to the pack what he wants to say, he wants his hyung to know that it wasn’t a long-awaited bomb-drop. “Anything I want to say when we talk to them, it’s not something I- I would never wait to say it in a time like this.”

“I know. I guess that was something I talked to Taehyung about and not you.” Namjoon gives him a questioning look. “Before I called you yesterday inviting Y/N, I talked to Taehyung about my worries. I let my fears get the best of me in times that I should have put Taehyung and you first. I don’t mind if you or him, or anyone, meets another person. We can’t control that- obviously, I mean we have a pack of seven. But, I will support you no matter what. I will take care of her as well, just as another part of the family.” 

“You’re making me emotional at the worst time.” Namjoon lets out a nervous laugh at the realization that his feelings aren’t just settled into his skin anymore. His feelings for Y/N aren’t just an afterthought when he’s around her- it’s now something that will be out into the universe to fuck him over. “I just want us all to be comfortable- and I just want her to have a home. That’s all she needs right now, I want to be that for her.”

Seokjin looks at him with something akin to pride. Namjoon tries to catch it for as long as possible. 

“If she’s okay with that, I will help you make that happen.” Seokjin says. 

-

Y/N

*

It feels like she’s suffocating- just as it did last night. Just as it felt when his hands were around her neck- on her legs, on her stomach, on her. All she can see is black, but there is the feeling of him here- a feeling of those few times when they tried to take advantage of her with no roof over her head and nowhere to flee to. They always gripped on tight, underestimating the strength her cheetah gives her. It’s not usually enough strength to completely fight them off, but it’s always enough to have enough time to run as far as she can. 

The darkness is pushing on her chest- just after having a dreamless sleep, a resting sleep- trying to pry things from her she would never give them. They don’t deserve it, it’s not for them. It gets harder and harder for her to breathe. In this darkness, she doesn’t even have anything to fight off, there’s no way out- there’s nothing she can do. 

“Y/N.”

‘No, leave me alone. Please.’

“Y/N.” 

‘Please. Please don’t touch me.’

“Y/N!”

Suddenly there is an actual hand on her arm. She was asleep and he had time to touch her when she couldn’t stop him. 

Her eyes shoot open to bright hospital lights, trying to move as quickly as she can to get away from the arm that touches her- trying to crawl up the bed and see who it is this time. 

Namjoon.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, you were just having a nightmare.” His hands are in the air defensively. It’s just him and she’s fine but- why can’t she breathe? God, why can she still feel him on her. She can feel the weight of him on her chest, pressing all the air from her. 

“Y/N you need to breathe slowly. You’re going to make yourself pass out. Breathe in through your nose and out your mouth.” 

She’s trying. She doesn’t want to feel like this, she doesn’t want to be unconscious and vulnerable again. 

“Can I touch you? Can I help you?” 

Her response doesn’t leave her lips like she wants it, not when she’s gulping down air like this. Instead she’s scooting closer, trying to find relief in him again. She needs it, no matter how much she doesn’t want to rely on him. 

  His arms are immediately going to work. One slips behind her neck to find that magical muscle, the other pushes her frizzy curls from her face to pet at her hair with soothing words. 

“In through your nose and out your mouth. Just focus on this feeling. Focus on my voice. Give yourself something to pinpoint.” 

She can barely listen to him, but the feeling of him against her neck is hypersensitive. It seems his touch always is no matter how simple it is. It’s the only thing she can seem to focus on, her lungs filling at a rate that is less and less painful. 

*

“There you go. Look at me.” 

She does look up at him now that it hurts less to breathe. She's terrified she'll see pity, though with how everything has always gone for her, sometimes she wants it- craves attention even if it's with an aching heart and empty promises. This time she only sees her Namjoon. The wolf with kind eyes and an even kinder soul. He's looking down at her with such cherish that it completely distracts her from the panic that was eating her up.  

"Good. Do you feel better?" He wipes at her face, picking up wet stains that she didn’t even realize were there- but thanks to the scratch near her eye, the skin is sensitive. He's not even grossed out about how she looks or the things she can’t get a hold on yet. He’s so gentle no matter what she’s given him, no matter what he sees himself. 

“Yeah.” She gets out with a hoarse voice.  “I’m sorry.” She whispers after hearing her own voice. 

“Don’t be sorry, it was a nightmare- we all have nightmares.” That she can’t change, she’ll always have them. 

“I’m sorry you had to take care of me.” She specifies, looking away from him and not wanting to see that caring look on his face anymore. She doesn’t get far when the hand from her neck slides up to direct her face back to him. 

“I would not be here if I didn’t want to- I always want to care for you, no matter how it looks. Even if you need something small- something useless- it’s you so I’ll take care of it.” 

She can’t bear him saying this now. Y/N has believed him before, somehow a man has whittled his way into her mind and heart in ways she’d never thought was possible. But, him saying it as she looks like this and reacts like this- after she’s done something horrible- is unbearable. 

“Okay.” Is all she can say with a teary-eyed nod. If she looks at him any longer she’ll cry more than she has in the last couple days, so she turns away, and he finally lets her. 

“Are you hungry? Thirsty?” He asks, changing the subject, doing her a favor without knowing. 

“There’s some water in the minifridge.” She replies slowly. Everything is still cloudy and annoying, but Namjoon never asked for irritation, so she'll be nice for now. He grabs one of the chilled water bottles and opens it for her with a satisfying click before handing it to her within seconds. 

“Are you hungry? Maria left some food for you, she’s waiting outside if you need her.” 

“I’m okay for now, just tired.” She says meekly. She looks up to find him assessing her with a gaze that seems a little too invasive. She can’t help but tell him more upon seeing the look. “I haven’t been able to sleep- with the nightmares.” She admits. 

“You seemed okay until I left you, I’m sorry. I needed to check in with Seokjin-hyung without letting him into the room.” 

“It’s not your fault.” 

Instead of any more easy conversation that they usually have, there’s silence that only seems to grow at what has been unsaid. They’re in a damn hospital for crying out loud. Namjoon literally got questioned by the police and she won’t feel safe for a long time. It’s all waiting to be spilled right here in this uncomfortable bed in the most uncomfortable room. 

“Did they tell you what happened?” 

“I should go and let Maria come in.”

They both speak at the same time. 

“What?” Y/N asks first, voice a little high in wanting. Why would he just leave suddenly? 

“Oh, no they didn’t tell me. I didn’t know if you’d want to so I did ask but, after some clarity of realizing that you’re okay, I just want to wait until you tell me as much as you want to give.” 

His response is like whiplash after his announcement of leaving, so instead she keeps the conversation on one topic. 

“I don’t want to tell you until I’m out of here. I hate it here.” She admits. Anything is better than the drabby shelters she’s been in and out of- and definitely better than the dried-up bridges she’d sleep under. But, this place always feels so cold and unwelcoming. It reminds her of her first visit to the hospital and seeing doctors for the first time. It was so invasive despite being needed- even if she was thankful, it was all so fast. 

“Whenever you want.” Is all he says in a voice that proves he’s just tip-toeing. 

“Why did you want to leave?” She finally asks. 

“Maria said you weren’t being verbal with her, so I just thought maybe you wanted to talk to her, especially because you haven’t seen her for a few hours. I just want you to be comfortable.” 

She could never get mad at him- she probably could in the right circumstance- so she just gives him a sigh that gives in to whatever he says. He’s right in a sense anyways. 

“Yeah I should talk to her, you should get back home to your pack anyways. I’m sure they’re worried about you.” She answers with honesty. She can’t keep him here away from them just because she doesn’t feel safe yet. Even if the only place she has felt safe is in his arms, she can’t burden him with that. 

“I’ll go let them know-”

“Just Maria.” She says far too quickly. 

“Okay, just Maria. I’ll see you later, yeah?” 

“Yeah.”

He leaves with an air to him that was far more tentative than earlier. Where did it go wrong? What line did they cross that has them both walking on eggshells? It always feels so fine with him, airy and refreshing in a way that allows her to finally breathe and have no worries in the world. Why is it that it changes so quickly sometimes? What is being left unsaid that she’s too inexperienced or immature to realize? 

“Hey sweetie.” Maria comes in with the normal softness she had even before this happened. But this time, Y/N can tell that she’s been crying. Her eyes look tired, red-rimmed, and far too down-turned to just be a caring stare. 

“Hi.” 

“How are you feeling?” She asks, causing Y/N to place the blanket back over her body to stop the chill of the room from finding her unprepared. 

“I’m okay.” 

“That’s good.” She sits in the same chair Namjoon did when he first came to see her. Again, an edge of tentativeness creeps into her mannerisms. He hands fidget in her lap and her eyes begin to water again. Y/N immediately pushes forward at the sight. 

“I didn’t think it’d come to this. Ya’know I thought I could make a safe space for you. One where you’d never have to worry about getting hurt.” Her lip wobbles in a way that has Y/N’s own eyes watering up in response. “I’m so sorry this happened. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.” It’s inevitable when flashes of last night creep into her mind. She closes her eyes, pushing them down and down until later when she can fight them on her own. 

“It’s not your fault.” 

“I will take the blame, if it helps to take some of the blow.” 

“That’s not fair, you know that’s not fair.” Y/N almost pleads. 

“I knew there would be more consequences, if not directly made in my direction, definitely in yours when the organization paired us together. I mean- I knew there’d be legal proceedings that I’d have to handle that I really would do anything to get us out of, but I know they’d be hard on you. So, when the organization called earlier-”

Her choked sob that she swallows to keep going on has Y/N panicking now. Thankfully, it’s not enough to cause her the same panic as before, but it’s definitely enough to have her sitting up straighter, her ears perked and tail wrapped into an unbearably tight hold. 

“The hospitalization mixed with the police involvement isn’t taken lightly- as it shouldn’t be- but the organization has protocols in place. With our case, there will definitely be a rehoming done.” 

Y/N really didn’t know what exactly the protocol would be, other than the very few more common occurrences that the organization workers informed her of incase she needed to report them without the homeowners knowing. The shock of how quickly everything is moving has her completely blocking out Maria. She can’t comprehend just how awful it would be to transition to a new home in a time like this. She can’t fathom how Maria feels and- to be horribly honest- she’s worried about how Maria and Richard will cope with whatever it is they are exactly going to go through. Despite what she feels for Richard, she can’t help but feel like this was her fault. 

-

Namjoon

Stepping into the house after everything this morning is like walking into quicksand. The feeling of being pulled farther and farther into some irreversible thing is sickening. Not because of the unavoidable situation, but because of how many things could go wrong now. 

Taehyung is on him in seconds, trying his best to scent and pry answers out with pleading eyes and whimpers. 

“Let’s get everyone together and talk, so I only have to have this conversation once.” 

Luckily everyone is home, with some that have work schedules on the weekend- such as Yoongi who coaches kiddie basketball and had two early games this morning- it is hard to have everyone together before noon. But somehow it’s happened and he’s extremely lucky to see his pack all in one place. The events of today have made him so eager to make sure his pack is safe and home. Even if they all watch him with different levels of questioning eyes, he’d rather they be safe and expectant than not here at all. 

“So far, legally, it seems to be a clean case- though I still have no idea what exactly happened.” He’s speaking before he even realizes it, standing in front of everyone sitting and standing in the living room. 

“Y/N is…okay. She’s not comfortable in the hospital so she doesn’t want to tell me yet, but she’s just- she’s hurt yes. She’s bruised and scratched in ways that will heal, but it’s really just her mental state that can’t be healed measurably.” 

Namjoon seems to pause for no other reason than anxiety. He really didn’t think about this enough, this conversation in this circumstance. They’re all so patient as they wait, even Taehyung who has to be squeezed between Jimin and Hoseok to sit still. 

“When I introduced Y/N, it wasn’t with ulterior motives other than to help her build relationships. Yes, I was also interested in a friendship with her before this- that and the opportunity for Taehyung and her to have each other for their cheetahs was all I wanted. But, I have to be honest with myself. And with you all.” 

He gets a reassuring squeeze of his hand from Seokjin that makes him take a deep breath he didn’t know he needed. It’s never been him that brought up another potential pack member. It’s always one of his sociable mates that seem to be glued to someone or have a certain glow when they get home after a one-off encounter. He’s never minded it, he even welcomed it as long as they were a good fit for his home and all the people he cared about. But now, it feels like rejection is imminent. 

“Y/N is someone that unexpectedly made me feel so warm. Even if I was away from her, I always wished that she was thinking of me the way she thought of me and it’s- embarrassing honestly. Because I had just met her, and I wanted to get to know her faster than I thought was possible. I didn't want to say it in this context, I didn't want it to feel rushed and unprepared because I really do care about you guys and your opinions more than anything, but I also really care about her- in a way that feels filled with potential." 

"Hyung." Jimin suddenly speaks up, catching Namjoon's attention immediately. 

"I don't mind- I don't think any of us mind that you found someone you're interested in. I think it's obvious we enjoy having a big family- and Y/N was so sweet. But…this only feels rushed because it sounds like you have something else to propose." Jimin says while a few others in the pack nod at his addition. Namjoon can only give a heavy sigh before proceeding. 

"I'm sorry this happened this way- I will do it another time. When things hopefully work out or fall apart. I promise I'll come back to this. But, the most important part to discuss is- because of this incident, Y/N will need to be rehomed as soon as she's out of the hospital and ready. Until then she'd be in a shelter that's far too cramped."

"Namjoon, are you saying that someone we met once is to be rehomed with us?" Yoongi asks, using a tone that proves this conversation is not going to go as smoothly as planned.  

"I'm not stating or implying it's underway. It's something I am suggesting that we talk about the possibility that our home is a safe place that she needs until she can get her feet on the ground or wherever it takes us. But, for now, a safe home."

"I want her here." Taehyung states without looking at any of the others.

"I'd love to hear more thoughts." Namjoon almost pleads. 

"Is she even going to feel safe here?" Hoseok asks, looking wearily at the pack around him.

"I still have to talk to her after this, but I want her to at least have options. Her here, safe in this house, would be the best for her- other than that I'll have to figure it out if you guys aren't comfortable."

"She's really nice, and I felt okay around her. I know you guys make me feel safe. I want her to have that as well." Jungkook speaks up, seeming to have an overall effect on the group. Reminding everyone that they've done this before. 

They've taken Jungkook in when the shelter kicked him out and in his attempts to flee he ended up hiding in their backyard as a bunny, nibbling on Seokjin's plants to get some type of food. He wouldn't shift for weeks, and it had Taehyung so perplexed by the little bunny's tolerance for lack of skin to skin contact. 

"If we all agree, how would we care for her? She's not going to feel safe automatically, and she's going to need care that we aren't familiar with yet." Yoongi says logically.

"I work from home and will take full responsibility for her. I just want everyone to feel comfortable with her and for her to have a place to heal and keep her relationships. I want everyone to be okay with that before going through."

There's a thoughtful silence, before Seokjin speaks, starting the final decisions. 

"I will help Namjoon take care of her, I enjoyed her company and I think that it's best to help others when we're so closely presented the opportunity to- no matter what it leads to."

"I still think the same. She'll be safe here, it's what's best, especially since she's a cheetah." Jungkook agrees again.

"I want her here." Taehyung plainly says again.

"I think her safety at the moment would be best, and Namjoon's judgment is the reason he's the pack leader. I trust you, Joonie-hyung." Jimin adds.

"I agree, and she was sweet and seemed like she needed us to bring her out of her shell, I think she could thrive with hybrids." Hoseok joins. 

Everyone seems to turn and look at Yoongi at the same time, knowing that his disapproval changes the whole situation. Namjoon would come up with something else if he didn't want her to stay with them, he's okay with that as long as he can provide something for her. 

"I trust you Joon-ah, I told you I don't think you'd ever hurt us. You know I'm just protective of our peace. As long as we can deal with everything as a pack, not just you and her with her needs and changes in behavior- I'm down. We are a pack, we act like one, even if she's not an official member yet." 

Namjoon holds onto that 'yet', all the agreements, and the hope he has that Y/N takes this home into consideration.

-

Y/N

“Alright miss L/N, I’ll be your attorney in any possible cases that may be opened for testimonies and questioning. At the moment, there is enough evidence for detectives and a judge to have a tight self-defense case- but Leonord’s wife could sue for a few reasons and that is her choice, so in those cases I will be defending you free of charge through the re-homing organization. Sounds good so far?” 

The lady is quite nice, despite having to sit in the most uncomfortable chair and being in another bright room. Y/N is just happy to have information on everything when it seems no one wanted to tell her anything. She’s still getting flashbacks to last night, to how similar it was to those other times- the only difference being the confidence she was able to obtain having healthy relationships and a roof to live under. 

“Sounds good. But- I have a question.” 

“Of course.” 

“Do you know anything about the re-homing situation?” 

“Legally, the organization has to immediately extract you from the home you were in where the incident happened. Even if this was a random incident, or if there was a happenstance that was not the homeowner’s fault or cause- the organization has to deem that home unsafe and thus wants to keep the hybrid’s wellbeing in mind above all.” 

“Don’t people have to know about what I did when getting information to home me?” The lady gives her a flash of pity at that, immediately causing Y/N’s stomach to drop. 

“Yes, the potential homes will need to know why you are being re-homed with as much information as legally available. But, you case is not-” 

She cuts her off after she gets her answer, zoned out to think about all the ways she would be perceived in a time like this. She wouldn’t be re-homed. She’d end up in another shelter that has hybrids packed in like prison cells. She’d have to figure out who is safe and who’s not based solely on looks and conversations she’d rather not have at all. 

“Miss L/N?” The attorney says, finally pulling Y/N’s attention onto her again. 

“Sorry, I’m listening.” 

“I have questioning records containing a Kim Namjoon? You know him personally, correct?” 

“Yeah, he’s from the organization, we’re…friends. I was visiting him and his pack yesterday before I was driven home and-” She stops, knowing that the attorney knows everything already. 

“I work with him, through the law firm. He’s in charge of hybrid cases in our offices, specifically for hybrid shelters.” 

“Okay.” 

“I would talk to him about information in the re-homing process.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I think he’ll have more information for you that will help you in the process.” She gives her a small smile that she can’t even figure out in the context. 

“Sure.” Is all she can say, confused and temples pounding from everything I’ve had to process in the past 24 hours. 

-

‘Wanna have dinner together?’ 

Y/N stares at the confusing text from Namjoon. He does remember that she’s in the hospital, right? The fleeting thought of Namjoon sending this to another girl has reeling into more thoughts that make the first one not so fleeting. Just to make sure he’s not insane right now, she answers. 

‘Yeah.’ 

It takes no time for her hospital room door to open and Namjoon to already be waltzing in with a bag of goodies she can’t pinpoint but can smell. And god, do they smell good. By the time he's up close and opening the bag she can't help but pinpoint her focus on the food he's pulling out rather than whatever he's saying. He finishes opening the containers with a little wave of his hands and pride on his face.

"Seokjin made everything, it's still warm since he just made it, but I thought I'd share it with you." 

"What if I had said no?"

"I would've left the food and went on my way after checking up on you. Either way you're fed and I'm happy."

"I'm starting to see how much you and Taehyung have in common." Y/N states, giving him a small smile that in turn stops Namjoon in his tracks for some reason. 

"Yeah, we, uh, we were the first of the pack. We found each other in a shelter." Namjoon says, taking his container of perfectly portioned foods and starts to eat. 

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, it was only a few years ago that I finally got out of there thanks to the organization. There's a lot more to talk about, but, yeah we were the first."

"The organization? You were-"

"A case? Yeah. I was in a shelter for a year, the longest they kept predators like me. The organization puts money into those in the shelters that are about to be kicked out to fend for themselves. I got lucky, extremely lucky. I met Taehyung in there and promised him I’d be back no matter what. I worked to push away all my hate for humans and what they’d done to those like me- I worked alongside them and was able to carve a place for myself in society. It took me almost exactly a year, but Taehyung is a year younger than me so I was able to get to him in time. Well, perfect timing- because his time as a predator was also up and instead of having to pay a large sum to a shelter that definitely didn’t deserve it I was able to just show up on the day he was released by them with nothing provided for his survival. I had my own little apartment by then and was able to afford to regularly donate to the organization. I scored an amazing job with lots of training, and with Taehyung’s help I was able to shut down that shelter and rehome all those inside of it. Sadly, a lot went to the organization’s shelters. But, they’re the best bet they have, really. They got the care they needed there, nonetheless.” 

Hearing Namjoon’s story for the first time clicks things into place that seemingly weren’t as snuggly fit in as she thought they were. His kindness towards her no matter how she acted towards him, the amount of time and effort he put into volunteering and thus her, and the amount of truth behind his words when he voices his thoughts and concerns for her. It all finally presses into the crevices that were ready to fall apart in time of being disappointed. It’s as if a glowing hue of blue settles around him as she stares at him, watching him eat, watching him move. It’s odd to feel this way about someone, when she never had the luxury to even ‘like’ a person before. Now, she feels something deep in her gut- something that wants her to memorize every piece of him, every little breath and quirk of his features. 

“What’s that look for?” Namjoon asks with an amused smile, pulling her out of the trance. But, it’s not a trance when that safe aura sticks to him even when she’s paying attention to the mundane current happenings. 

“I don’t know.” She says honestly- she has no clue what it all means. But how awful would it feel if it ended? “You’re just, admirable.” 

“I just wanted to do my best for him and myself.”

“That’s hard for a lot of people.” She says, mostly referring to herself. 

“Nah, people just don’t give themselves enough credit. We’re all here just trying to live and search for something fulfilling.” Namjoon shoots back. 

“Yeah. I guess.” Her heart clenches at his words. Fulfilling. Whatever she has with him could just be fulfilling, thus it’s a reason for her to keep trying.

“Namjoon.” She tries to get his attention. He only looks up at her in question. 

“I met an attorney. One that mentioned she works with you.” She stirs around her still uneaten rice and veggies to get some courage to go on. “She told me to ask about the rehoming situation? Do you know why?” 

His look alone is enough to tell her he does, but he doesn’t immediately say anything. 

“I, uh, yeah-” he sets down his bowl of food before going on, preparing himself for something that she’s suddenly scared to find out. “I contacted her earlier today. That’s honestly, probably, why she got to talk to you so quickly. I kinda- Well I kinda asked her what the process would be like to suggest a home for you that isn’t on the official list, but is home to a volunteer.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t know if there’s any perfect way to suggest this, but- I knew about the protocol the organization has in place for something like this, and I knew you would need to be rehomed. I’m in a position where I could- help.” He pauses before finishing. “Well, we could, my pack.” 

“Namjoon.” She can’t get anything else out. 

“I talked to them after leaving this morning. I just needed to discuss it and make sure that this was something that they were all okay with, and we are a large family so it needs to be well-conversed. They all are okay with it, and I know it’s going to take a ton of effort and planning and consideration on my part- I’m not taking this lightly at all. That’s the only reason I contacted her so fast, I just wanted to make sure that this was something that could be done before even bringing it up to you. I don’t want to ever give you false hope or feel like you can’t trust me or what I say- so I’ve really thought about it and all the guys have as well. We could share our home with you if you’d like. I’d like you to be a part of it.”

She can’t tell if it’s a feeling of instant relief, so quickly having left her body that she’s nauseous- or she’s just nauseous in general over the thought of her actually having this option. It could also be the fact that Namjoon truly cares with his whole being, it feels like. Living with his damn pack after a police investigation done on her that had him questioned. Living with his pack after meeting them once and sharing little awkward conversations. Living with his pack of seven guys that all seem to be totally okay with it. It’s the first that drives her the most mad. 

“You don’t even know what I did.” 

“You said you didn’t want to tell me right now. I respect that- and I trust you, Y/N.”

“Why? Why would they all agree and why-” She can’t even comprehend the consideration they’re taking. 

“In the most basic way possible- we are hybrids that have been in shit positions before, they all vary and they all have their own story to tell, but we care about each other no matter what. We know what it’s like to not have anyone, or to finally find someone and try to lock onto them to keep safe and protected. It’s the animal in us that needs to form a pack, and that isn’t something as simple as human words can tell. It feels right- having you around.” 

If he tells it in that way- animal instincts and such- it makes more sense. But it still doesn’t excuse the human part of her that did what it did. Hell, she’s sure her cheetah played a large role in what she did. Right now, though, she wants to hold onto this hope, and she wants to have something that isn’t just temporary or pity-filled. This is the best choice she has, being safe in the pack home, with Namjoon and Taehyung especially. She’ll have a chance to learn more about her cheetah more often and she can finally learn about other hybrids. If anything, Namjoon will hear what she did and will decide against keeping her there, and then she can figure it out. But for now, she has a chance to be safe. That’s all she wants right now. 

“I have another deal to make.” 

“Lemme hear it.” 

“If I accept and you hear what I’ve done and you change your mind afterwards-” Namjoon looks as if he’ll speak but she gives him a pointed look. “If you change your mind, then I will find an alternative through the system and deal with my own consequences accordingly. If I accept and you hear what I’ve done but feel as though it doesn’t change your comfort, then I will need something to do. I can’t live with you for free as someone who’s not a part of the pack. Whatever you decide that fits my schedule, I will help around the house.” 

“As pack leader-” Namjoon holds out his hand for her to grab onto, his warmth immediate and addicting. “You have a deal.”

#bts au #bts fic #namjoon au #namjoon x reader #bts x fem!reader #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts x you #bts hybrid au #bts hybrid fic

[cinnamon-girl-writes]

cowboy like me . . . levi x reader

you return form your trip to find levi isn't quite the same as when you left. part 3/4

angst, post-war, ptsd, panic attacks, insomnia, eventual comfort

by @cinnamon-girl-writes

you're a cowboy like me / perched in the dark / telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear

It had been a few hours since you’d gotten back from your trip. It had been lovely, you told Levi, and he listened eagerly to every word you had to say about it as you sat in the cushioned chair opposite him in the window of the teashop.

“The water is absolutely gorgeous this time of year! And there were so many little shops along the shore, it was adorable,” you gushed. “I’ll have to take you sometime when we can get away from work.”

Levi nodded, a small smile gracing his features. The three days you had been gone were hell to him, so he was as glad as ever to have you back. He had also decided that he needed some time with you to himself, so the two of you were going out to lunch at a little cafe just around the corner from the shop.

You grabbed your purse and took Levi’s hand as the two of you made your way out of the shop, down the street, and to the cafe. It was a quaint little place that reminded you of the teashop. It had butter yellow curtains around the windows and the smell of bread lofted beautifully in the air.

As the two of you sat at your table, Levi took your hand in his, strands of his charcoal black hair falling into his face. You looked up into his eyes, trying to make sense of what you saw there. 

“I’m glad to have you here. I really missed you,” he said.

You gazed back at him sincerely. “I missed you too, a lot.”

Levi ordered a soup and you ordered a fish sandwich, both of them being known Marleyan specialties. The both of you enjoyed your food for a while, engaging in mild small talk.

“So, how’s the teashop doing?” you asked.

“It’s been good,” he answered. “Gabi and Falco made sure to help me out while you were gone– stocking the shelves, filing orders, the usual.”

You nodded solemnly. “Is there anything . . . else you wanna talk about?”

Levi paused for a moment, considering. “No.”

You gave him a discerning look. “Levi, I know something’s wrong. What happened while I was gone?”

Thoughts started flooding through Levi’s head. How his entire life leading up to this point left a pile of bodies behind him.

Erwin .

He felt the blood of hundreds on his hands.

Petra .

He could’ve done something, anything, to stop the Rumbling.

Hange .

The heartbreak went back much further than the war.

Furlan. Isabel. Kuchel.

Your voice snaps him out of his trance.

“Levi?”

He looks up, emotion clouding his face. “I- it’s just dreams. I kept seeing them every night while you were gone. It’s nothing new.”

He looked away from your eyes, sipping his drink.

You considered the situation for a moment. “Do you wanna talk about it?” you asked hesitantly.

Levi looked into your eyes again, pausing for a moment before answering. “No. I just want to spend time with you.”

You nodded, respecting his decision. “Hey. Listen to me.”

This caught his attention. He leaned forward slightly, eager to hear what you had to say.

“You’re gonna be okay, okay? We’re gonna be okay. We’ll figure this out together, because that’s what we do.”

He nodded, a look of acceptance on his face. “Okay. And– thank you.”

The two of you chatted lightheartedly while finishing your food. When you had paid the bill and left, you walked down the busy town street and sat at the park for a while, taking things in. You knew the journey wouldn’t be easy, but as long as you stood by your husband and supported him, the two of you could heal your old wounds.

like it could be love / I could be the way forward / only if they pay for it . . .

#attack on titan #aot #aot x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x female reader #levi ackerman x you #levi x you #captain levi #attack on titan x reader #aot fic #aot fluff

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

It Started With a Kiss (1/?)

This idea came to me while watching “Knockdown.” Initially it was just gonna be a one-shot; however, lying in bed after watching the episode, I was struck with the idea that there should be several parts, at least covering a couple of episodes through the end of season 3. I’m not sure if I will extend it into some of the season 4 episodes or not…it just depends on how the characters speak to me as I’m writing. But there are at least several season 3 episodes that are going to be dealt with.

I’m starting it after that night in “Knockdown” when they had to save Ryan and Esposito. I figure Kate didn’t go to see Lockwood in prison until at least the next day, so this chapter will take place between the time we see her fixing Castle’s hand in the ambulance and when we see her at the prison.

The way I’m planning to deal with future chapters is everything up to the point I tell you the scene starts is going to be just like in the episode. The only parts I’m either rewriting or adding are what you see here. If anything else from an episode needs to change so that it fits my version, I’ll let you know in the beginning.

I’m also still working on Hell Hath No Fury, so I’m going to do my best to rotate updates between that and this one until this one is complete.

I don’t own Castle, unfortunately.

xxxxx

Castle is seated in the back of an ambulance getting his hand wrapped; he'd insisted he didn't need to go to the hospital. Once the medic finished, he climbed out of the vehicle. Castle winced at the tightness of the bandage and started to unwrap it, glancing up when he felt Beckett’s presence.

“Hey there, Chuck Norris. How’s the hand?” she asked, climbing up into the ambulance and taking a seat across from him with a small smile.

“Excruciating.”

She gently took his hand in hers and began rewrapping his hand. Her touch was delicate as she focused on his injury, her fingers caressing his skin softly.

“How’s Ryan and Esposito?” he asked her, trying to focus on anything but the way her soft touch was making him feel. After the kiss they shared earlier in the evening, the last thing he needed was more of her touch. As it was, he would have a very difficult time getting to sleep later, and he was sure the way she felt in his arms, the way she’d tasted when she kissed him back would monopolize his dreams for a few nights at least.

“Mild hypothermia, wounded pride. Guess which one will heal first?” she finished up with his hand and looked up at him with a smile. “Thank you, for having my back in there,” she said with a soft look in her eyes.

He gave her a smile. “Always,” he promised her.

She gently touched his knee to help her balance for a moment so she could hop down from the ambulance. She turned back to offer him her hand to help steady himself as he climbed down as well, keeping his good hand for a few moments longer than necessary once he was on his feet in front of her. “We’re pretty much wrapped up here for the night; I can finish up everything tomorrow,” she started. “I was going to offer to buy you a drink seeing as you saved my ass in there, but it’s pretty late to go to a bar. Can I offer you a drink at my apartment instead?”

“I’d like that,” he answered her with a grin. He’d take anything she’d offer him these days, and since she’d already told him earlier that Josh was in Africa, he was more than happy to keep her company after the case they’d had; at least he’d be able to pretend she wasn’t with the doctor for an hour or so.

“Alright,” she smiled. “Come on, Castle,” she nudged his shoulder lightly with hers, gesturing for him to follow her back to her car.

The ride back to her apartment was pretty much in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. She couldn’t get the kiss they’d shared out of her head. It was supposed to be fake, a ruse to distract the guard so that she could take him out. The problem was it hadn’t felt fake to her at all, from either of them.

She knew Castle well enough by now and trusted him enough to know he genuinely hadn’t meant anything by kissing her at first; he had just been improvising when his initial plan hadn’t worked. But the way it felt when his lips covered hers, even as innocent as it had been initially, set her entire body on fire in a way she’d never felt before…it certainly never felt like that when she kissed Josh. Then she thought of the way he’d jumped on Lockwood and literally beat him senseless with his bare hands to save her, and she suddenly wasn’t sure that asking him back to her apartment for a drink at this time of night had been her best idea.

He’d told his mother a couple of days ago when this case had started that it wasn’t about the books anymore. His need to be her partner, to continue to risk his life to be by her side had nothing to do with research and everything to do with her. His mother had been right in telling him it was time he was honest with himself about why he was doing it. He only wished he could be honest with Beckett about his motive as well.

He’d come close to telling her earlier in her apartment when she asked him why he kept coming back, but he’d chickened out; this case, anything related to her mother’s case, made her

vulnerable. He didn’t want to be the jackass that added to her problems by being selfish; besides, she had a boyfriend, so he highly doubted she would return his sentiments.

But now instead of going home alone, she had asked him to join her for a drink at her apartment where they would be alone. That had to mean she felt something, right? And she had kissed him back earlier; sure, it was under the ruse of a fake kiss. But fake kisses didn’t require her tongue in his mouth, didn’t require her moaning or her hands in his hair or her body pressed against his quite so tightly.

“Come on, Castle,” she said softly, once she parked her car on the street near the front of her building, which she was allowed to do because of her police plates.

Her voice shook him out of his thoughts, and he got out and followed her inside. The elevator ride remained quiet, as did the walk down the hallway to her apartment.

“Make yourself comfortable,” she told him, closing and locking the door behind them. She moved to her kitchen and grabbed a couple of glasses as well as a bottle of whiskey. She carried it over to the living room where he had made himself comfortable on her sofa and sat them down on the coffee table in front of it. Taking a seat, she poured a half a glass for each of them and clinked her glass against his. “To the best partner a girl could ask for,” she smiled, downing about half the liquid in her glass.

Her words made him grin and his eyes light up as he downed about half the liquid in his own glass as well. “Really?”

She nodded. “Except he doesn’t really help with paperwork,” she teased, setting her glass on the table and standing. “I’m going to change, I’ll be right back,” she told him, disappearing into her room.

He grinned a little more, pretty satisfied with himself at the moment, and finished the liquid in his glass before pouring himself a refill from the bottle. He leaned back into the cushions and relaxed, enjoying the drink in his hands as he waited for her to return.

It didn’t take long for Beckett to change her clothes. She’d remained in her jeans, only opting to change out of her work shirt into a more casual and comfortable t-shirt, and she’d removed her heels and placed her gun and badge in her nightstand. She offered him a smile as she rejoined him on the couch, taking her glass and curling her legs up comfortably as she turned her attention to him.

Almost an hour and a half later, he had her laughing hard as he told her a story about his mother. He was a couple of drinks ahead of her; he hadn’t drunk enough to not know what he was doing or saying, but he had definitely drunk enough to be looser and braver with his words and

feelings. He stopped laughing and got quiet for a moment, getting serious. “You know, you asked me why I keep coming back. I told you it’s because I’m your plucky sidekick…but that’s not entirely true,” he started softly.

She stopped laughing when she realized he was getting serious. His words had her finishing what was left of the alcohol in her glass and placing it on the table. She hadn’t had as much to drink as he had, and she’d always been great at holding her liquor. She was relaxed and loose, but she wasn’t sure if she’d had enough whiskey to handle where he was taking their conversation; then again, maybe it was better that she hadn’t had any more than she'd had at this point. She wasn’t sure yet. “Castle…” she tried to stop him.

“A wise woman told me that I should be honest with myself about why I’m doing this," he started, echoing the words of his mother from a few days ago. "She pointed out to me that I wrote 22 novels before I met you, and didn’t have to spend every day in a police station. It’s not about the research anymore. It hasn’t been about the books for a long time. Even Vulcan Simmons saw it, Kate.”

“Rick…” she tried to get his attention, to stop him before they went down this road. She hadn’t had a chance to process everything from the last few days, much less the kiss they’d shared earlier, the way he’d so bravely saved her life, or her own feelings about him and what it all meant. She certainly was not in a position to deal with everything tonight after 3 glasses of whiskey, despite the fact that she wasn’t drunk.

He placed his empty glass on the table as well and shifted closer to her. “So if I’m being honest with myself about why, I want to give you an honest answer too,” he said softly, drawing a deep breath. “It’s because I’m in love with you, Kate,” he continued in the same soft voice. “I keep coming back, I keep showing up to murder scenes in the middle of the night and hanging around because I love you.”

His words made her freeze; not only had he said them once…oh no…Castle was an overachiever and said them twice. She knew he’d had a couple more drinks than her, but she also knew that he wasn’t drunk enough to not know what was coming out of his mouth. This wasn’t a drunk confession that he wouldn’t remember tomorrow.

She had no idea how to respond to them. She cared for him; she knew she felt more than friendship for him, but she had a boyfriend. Even without dating Josh to complicate things, he’d ended things with Gina only a couple of weeks prior, and now he was here professing his feelings for her? It was making her head spin.

Why couldn’t he have had this epiphany back in May when she was trying to tell him she liked him? Why couldn’t he have just not asked Gina to go to the Hamptons immediately after she’d turned him down? Why hadn't he given her a little time to reconsider, or even gone alone? Now

there were 8 months of…complicated and significant others…between them.

Before she even knew what was happening, his lips were on hers, soft and tentative. After only a couple of seconds, she placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back slightly. “Castle…I can’t do this tonight…” she murmured.

He sighed and hung his head. “I’m sorry…” he immediately began to apologize.

Her hand on his arm stopped him. “You don’t have to apologize,” she told him softly, standing and pulling him to his feet. “But it is late. And you’ve had enough to drink.” She decided playing it off as the alcohol would keep things from getting weird between them; at least that's what she hoped.

“I’m not drunk, Beckett,” he told her, wondering if that’s why she had stopped him.

“Maybe not. But you’ve had enough whiskey to kiss me, which I know you wouldn’t have done without the alcohol, so it’s time for you to go home.” She began to gently guide him towards her front door, grabbing his jacket along the way.

“I kissed you earlier without alcohol,” he tried to reason.

She shook her head. “It was fake, Castle...a distraction to get past the guard.”

“Didn’t feel completely fake to me,” he pointed out.

She sighed softly, handing him his coat at the door. “Castle, it's late.” She opened her door for him and gave him a small smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?”

He sighed deeply. Her rejection had been gentle, but it still stung. “Goodnight, Kate,” he said softly, leaving her apartment.

She closed the door behind him, locking it, before leaning back against it and closing her eyes. What the hell had just happened between them? She had known he was attracted to her, but his confession had completely taken her by surprise. And while she knew she definitely felt something for him other than physical attraction, she had a boyfriend...a safe boyfriend...whom she might be able to love if she just stayed with him. She had no idea if she was ready to risk her heart with him; he’d already broken it once in May. She’d already ended one relationship to be with him and gotten burned. She wasn’t so sure she was ready to do that again.

Castle rested his head against the wall of the elevator as he rode down, telling himself he’d been an idiot for confessing his feelings like that. “What did you think was going to happen? She has a boyfriend, you idiot...she isn't the type of woman to cheat on her boyfriend for you,” he

murmured to himself. Maybe she was right, and he had had too much to drink; he was sure he wouldn’t have thought to confess his love for her…or kiss her…without the liquid courage he’d had.

When the cold January air hit his face as he walked outside, he suddenly realized what word she'd used. Tonight. She’d told him she couldn’t do this tonight. That left him with hope that maybe she wanted to do this one day. She didn’t say never, after all. She had been nice about letting him down. She hadn’t shot him…or even smacked him…when he’d kissed her. She had simply said she couldn’t do this tonight.

He decided then…he would wait, he would fight for her. Maybe not in a completely obvious way, and definitely not in a physical way because he was sure she wouldn’t like that. But he would be there; he’d keep showing up for her. That was already one thing he had over Josh…he wasn’t halfway around the world when she needed someone. He was actually there. And he would be there for her whenever she let him be. She may have been dating another man, but she didn’t have a ring on her finger yet; she didn’t seem as committed to Josh as he’d thought...she still told him things she didn't confide in her boyfriend, like the murder board she kept hidden in her apartment; he still had hope. And in the meantime, he wouldn't be stupid enough to start dating other women; he would wait for her.

xxxxx

Alright, that’s the first chapter. Hopefully you guys like this one. It will get to Castle and Beckett happiness, trust me. You’re just gonna have to go on the journey with me.

As always, I love hearing feedback if you feel so inclined! Thanks for reading!

#castle #caskett #kate beckett #richard castle #castle fanfiction

[j-worlds-blog]

Baby fever 🤒

Lately Melo has been on a high sex drive. Usually it was normal for him to be horny here and there, but for the past week it’s been none stop sex day and night.

Tonight you were getting ready for bed while Melo was cleaning up the living room after y’all just watched a movie. You were really tired and ready for bed, you worked a 8 hour shift and just watched a 2 hour movie, and you have to be up at 6:30 in the morning. Now of course Lamelo knew you were tired so he came upstairs and got settled in bed too. After a few minutes you finally drifted off to sleep, but your sleep was interrupted by someone (or something) poking you in the backside.

Baby stop poking me please, I was sleeping good.

Sorry mamas can’t help it

Melo I’m tired, please stop messing around

Mamas please it’ll be quick, I’ll do all the work.

Lamelo!

Please baby just go back to sleep and I’ll be gentle

Fine, but if you get rough your sleeping in the guest room

Ok thx baby

Melo slid your panties to the side and pushed his way in slowly, he couldn’t stop thinking about how you would look with your belly full and round while carrying his child, one of his teammates just has a baby and he couldn’t help but try to get you pregnant every chance he got. Even though he hasn’t told you how he felt, he figured you felt the same. As he was thinking of your body being different, like your boobs swelling twice the size they already were, he could feel you clench on his dick as you were falling in and out of consciousness, he tried to stay quiet as he came close to his nut. Thrusting into you a few more times and then spilling himself all into you. He kept himself inside you so none would fall out. Then he fell asleep short after.

When you woke up early the next morning you were sore, you made a mental note to tell Melo that you needed a break from any sexual activity for a while. You were having a hard time enjoying it when you weren’t even recovered from your previous actions. You had a feeling as why he was fucking you like a rabid animal every chance he got, his friend just had a baby and was saying how wonderful fatherhood has been so far, of course Melo took everything to heart, so he was trying to get you pregnant. So you made a decision to talk to him about it when you got home from work.

You got home around 4:00 and decided to make a simple dinner, spaghetti and salad. As you were cooking you heard Melo coming in through the garage.

Hey mama watcha cooking

Hey baby, I’m making some spaghetti and salad

Mm sound good, but you know what else sounds good?

He came up to you and put his arms around your waist.

Baby listen, I love having sex with you, I really do, but it isn’t exactly enjoyable when we do it three times a day all week long. I need a break honey, I’m really sore.

Oh, I’m sorry babe I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just really been enjoying having time with you before i have to leave for a game.

Melo.. I know that’s not the whole reason. I know you want a baby. But you nutting in me everyday isn’t gonna make it happen faster.

I’m sorry, I know I should’ve told you, I just get jealous when everybody talks about how great fatherhood is, I wanna experience it.

I know baby, but we’re still young, we got plenty of time to have plenty of kids. Just give me a few days to heal and then we can try again.

Okay, but next time I’m making love to you baby.

Mmm sounds great, now let’s eat.

The end. I hope you like it, and leave comments and more requests 💜

#lamelo ball #imagines #lamelo smut #fluff #melo imagine #melo ball #smut #baby fever

[vi-enti]

school’s over so back on the fanfic grind (a grind i have not openly shared on the internet since like. 2018), unsure if this is an idea to continue but i am thinking so hard... about the difficulties of the healing process. really gotta purge that poison

. . .

“Hello, this is… Hajime Hinata. The date is… I have no idea what the date is. It’s been 14 days, 9 hours, 47 minutes and 24 seconds since we woke up from the Neo World Program.”

“…I don’t know why I said it like that. It’s been about two weeks.” 

“Uhh… I’m not sure what to say here, really. Naegi—Makoto, that is—told me this would be a good way to get my thoughts down. That way if there’s anything I forget, or anything I want everyone to know after… Well, I don’t think I can really forget anything. Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could.”

“Sorry there are so many quiet gaps. I’m trying to think about what I want to say... I guess I’ll start with the facts, and we can go from there. I was the first person to wake up, and then Sonia. Kazuichi took a few hours longer, he was so… his limbs were so scarred. I could barely tell the healthy tissue apart from all of the burns and cuts. When he got out, he just kept screaming and crying, he just kept—“

“Akane was next, but she was barely a shell, too weak, so Makoto put her back under for a few more days before waking her up. She wasn’t in the pod though, we—they moved her to a hospital bed in a different room. This facility really has everything. You wouldn’t believe the scale of the medical equipment, Tsumiki would love it—“

“Basically, Akane woke up a week after Kazuichi, technically, and then we put her into a medical coma for a while. We as in… I didn’t do that. I mean, I did, but it didn’t feel like me.”

“Actually, I never feel like… me. I don’t know who me is supposed to be now. I’m still him—I mean, I’m still me—but I’m not me— fuck, this doesn’t make any fucking sense, I just can’t— Sonia, don’t touch me—“

“…”

“…I want my mom. I don’t remember the last time I wanted my mom. I don’t even… remember my mom, anymore.”

“…Patient 5, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko. We plan to wake him from his induced medical coma today, following complications from his enucleation operation directly after awakening from pod sleep. There was an infection at the area of operation and I deemed it too dangerous to continue until it was cleared. Naegi had some objections, but his background is not medical, and does not always need to be taken into account. Patient 4 will simply have to wait.”

“He still has the damn thing.”

“…they all do.”

“Alter Ego, end recording.” Hajime slumped back against his chair, bringing a hand up to push his hair back. It was a newly acquired habit, one always accompanied by the feeling of missing something, like there wasn’t enough hair to run through his fingers. He hated it. Hated thinking that it wasn’t newly acquired at all, that whoever he was in the past few years did it all the time. 

That hadn’t gone nearly as well as he’d liked. These voice diaries were supposed to be records so they could explain things easier to the others once they all woke up, something to jog their memories. Privately, he was sure that Makoto had asked him to make them more for his own sake, as if they’d help somehow with all of the different thoughts running through his brain all of the time. If he spoke them out loud, then somehow they’d disappear. It was the compromise they’d settled on after Hajime had refused to attend Future Foundation-provided therapy. Most of the time they turned out exactly like this, not suitable for anyone’s ears except his own. 

Makoto was an idiot. Talking about it wasn’t going to stop the constant streams of thought in his brain, analyzing every thing and every action around him, picking apart the movements of his friends and their slight changes in tone, detecting every potential threat and every potential weapon for killing someone—fuck.

He was so tired of dreaming up all the ways people could die. His rare moments of sleep were already haunted by spears and giant Tetris blocks, by fire and poison and terrified faces. He didn’t need more deaths on his mind, constant echoes of terrors of his own creation. 

Sitting up properly, he stretched his arms out before standing up to examine his half of the room. At least two people kept watch in the pod room at all times, waiting for anyone to wake up next and making sure nobody died. It reminded him of the hospital in the simulation, someone always watching over Akane and Ibuki and—

An alarm beeped and Sonia, on the other end of the room, startled awake in her own chair. She had stayed on that side after Hajime shoved her away earlier, eventually drifting to sleep by Gundham’s pod. It was the one she stared at the most, blue eyes alight with grief and fury, even if she wouldn’t admit it. She was better off than Hajime, at least. One of his eyes stayed empty. Makoto had warned him that she shouldn’t be allowed to spend so much time with Gundham, but he could never bring himself to pull her away. Clearing his throat, he waited for the former princess to look up towards him. 

“Shift change. You should go sleep in an actual bed, I can wait for Kazuichi and Makoto if you want to go on ahead.” She shook her head, fingers trailing over the glass coffin holding the Ultimate Breeder. 

“No, that’s alright. You’ve been here long enough, you need to rest before Fuyuhiko. It’s only a few more hours away. Besides, I…” Sonia trailed off, gaze shifting to the pod next to Gundham’s, covered with a sheet. Everyone had to be checked on, but there was just one person Hajime couldn’t stand to see. The only person in the room that caused his dead eye to come to life. 

He couldn’t identify the emotion, but it had to be hate. It had to be, right?

At least he knew he wouldn’t be judged for it. Everyone had someone they couldn’t look at in this room, couldn’t face directly. Hajime was just the only one weak enough to require a sheet covering the pod. The only one who couldn’t be controlled if he had a fit of anger, or worse—one of despair. 

Swallowing back bile, he nodded, making a quick exit from the room to the quarters right next door. A large room had been set up with beds and necessities for them, the six that were here and constantly switching out. Kyoko had suggested separate rooms, but after multiple nights of Kazuichi sneaking into his room or Sonia screaming in her sleep from across the hall, Hajime had fought for them to all be together. Makoto, almost with a child-like excitement, had insisted that he, Kyoko, and Aoi stay there too. 

The lucky student in question had been sitting on the floor cross-legged when he walked in, laptop resting on a knee while he glared down at the screen. A glare from Makoto wasn’t usually all that effective, but whatever he was seeing seemed to be genuinely pissing him off. If Hajime had been anyone else, he wouldn’t have bothered disturbing the younger. Still, someone had to go fill in for him with Sonia until Kazuichi took over for her. The mechanic was nowhere to be seen—probably sitting at Akane’s bedside, as usual. Tapping Makoto gently on the shoulder, Hajime waited for him to look up from the email he had been so focused on. 

“Oh, you’re back! Has it been six hours already? I didn’t even notice.” It wasn’t a long time to spend watching the pods, but Aoi had insisted. They had three pairs switching out, and she didn’t want anyone spending more time in the pod room than they did outside of it, in the fresh air and the real world—or so she said. Hajime was sure it had more to do with her growing concern for the five of them, Kyoko and Makoto included. While they hadn’t been in the program nearly as long, they still seemed just a bit too pale to her. As for himself, Sonia, and Kazuichi… Aoi had never known them before, but worried nonetheless about irreparable damage. 

“Yes, I’m back. Will you find Kazuichi and tag Sonia out? She’s just finishing check-ups.” The shorter nodded, shutting his laptop and standing from his seat on the floor. “Everything alright?”

“It’s just Byakuya, he’s facing some problems bringing the medical equipment we need over to the island. The Future Foundation doesn’t see the need to care for some of the pre-existing conditions your class has, they’re just barely allotting enough supplies for taking care of the… last bits of Junko. It’s like you aren’t even humans to them, they just have no empathy!” Makoto rubbed his temples, forcing a weak smile onto his face. It hadn’t escaped Hajime that the bright-eyed boy that they had met in the final trial and the tired man before him right now seemed so far apart from each other. Because of us—because of me. 

“We aren’t human to them.” He placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to offer some comfort. “But we are to you. You’re the best of them, Makoto. I know you’ll work things out.” The younger’s smile twisted, not exactly happy, and he nodded in response. 

“Right. The Ultimate Hope, that’s me. I have to be able to fix this.” Hajime raised an eyebrow, not meaning that at all, but Makoto was already walking out of the room to take over watch duties. That had gone… stunningly bad. Whatever part of his soul had been able to produce hope for the others in the Neo World Program had been hiding, his mind and body too used to the actions and words of another. Another who had no idea how to give someone hope for the future, much less comfort someone just the slightest bit. All Hajime seemed to be good at these days was making things worse. 

A warmth squeezed around his hand, like someone urging him to stop thinking, and he yanked it away from—from nothing. There was nobody there. He just needed to get some rest before Fuyuhiko’s surgery today. 

Two beds remained empty, waiting for their last members. Akane was awake, but still too weak to leave her hospital bed, and Fuyuhiko would join them today. Hopefully. Sitting on his own perfectly made bed, he wondered if all of the remnants would end up sharing a room for the rest of time. The three of them awake so far had their nightmares, some worse than others, and it was impossible to imagine the rest being able to sleep easy after all that had happened. It was too easy to imagine everyone around the room, as if their spaces were already there waiting for them. Glancing around, Hajime could imagine each and every one of them smiling at him, if he could just bring them all back, if he could just wake them up. 

A flash of pink and white hair danced at the corner of his eyes, a gentle smile and a false one, and he slammed his head down on the bed, covering his vision with a pillow. Sleep now, hypotheticals later. Hypotheticals that could never, ever be reality anyways. It was dangerous to get lost in thoughts of a happy ending. 

He didn’t deserve an ending just yet. There was too much to fix. 

#me and my fucking em dashes #anyways i'm just sharing this to see if it's?? interesting?? #i've been writing hella fanfic but i'm always very hesitant to put it on the internet #but i've had soOoOOo many worms lately thinking about facing trauma and healing relationships and how that process is just so bumpy #i have a whole lot more that isn't hajime pov but this is all i'm sharing ATM #i just really want to put these folks in therapy. and that begins at the beginning! #moon babbles #danganronpa #i GUESS #cw surgery #cw medical #just in case #hajime hinata #sonia nevermind #makoto naegi #dr2 #moon writings

[quietlyimplode]

Black Widow Fest - Day Six

Stay Alive.

Warnings: broken bones and car chases, swearing?

Word Count: 2047

Pairing: Clint/Nat

@broken--bow asked - and I should have replied to the ask box rather than making a post, but we’ve come too far now - for a fic where (as in the hunger games with Peeta and Katniss) a simple thing is asked, to stay alive, even though it turns out to be one of the harder things to do. Ty for sending in solid asks, my friend, they are ⭐️.

“How is this the first time you’ve ever broken your collar bone?”

Clint shrugs, regrets it and pouts.

“Do broken collarbones always need surgery?” Natasha asks the doctor.

The doctor looks to her clipboard and then back to Clint.

“No, not always, but if you leave these things for a week and keep…”

She looks back down and quirks her eyebrows

“Keep shooting arrows and guns?”

Clint smiles, easily.

Natasha stands in front of him, knowing his fake smile hides the worry of questions he won’t ask.

“He’ll be able to shoot again, right? No problem?”

He peeks out from behind her to watch the doctor nod.

“Yes, of course, but he needs to let this heal, 4 weeks in a sling. And physiotherapy - the you need to follow - otherwise, you’ll always have pain and it will always not feel straight.”

Natasha smirks, sharing a look with Clint.

“Guess I won’t be coming with you then,” he says, holding her hand with his good one.

“Surgery is scheduled for around 1.30pm, don’t have any more to eat or drink.”

She turns to Natasha, “you’ll be here to pick him up?”

Natasha’s face turns sour.

“Uh, no actually. Maria will be here, um a friend. I’ll leave my number and her number here though, in case you need anything, or if he’s not being cooperative.”

“Hey,” Clint pipes up, “drugged me is delightful.”

The doctor puts her clipboard away, and nods.

“I’m sure Mr Barton. No food, no drink until we come and get you. Ms Romanoff, you can stay until he goes in if you want.”

Natasha nods, sighing softly as she sits down next to him

“You’ll be okay here without me?” she asks, guilt on her face.

“Of course,” he tells her, “it’s a simple operation, no gunshot wounds, no knife wounds, no complex broken bones or head injury. It’s easy in and out.”

Natasha smirks again, “that’s what she said.”

Clint laughs and winces.

“Where are they sending you?” he asks, knowing she’s now going alone.

“Vladivostok.”

“You’re not.”

His stomach drops.

“Nat, you’re going into Russia, alone?”

She swallows and nods with a small smile. More of a grimace, he thinks.

He wants nothing more than to talk this through with her, tell her not to go, and hug her tight.

“I’m the only one that knows the dialect.”

He hates this.

He also hates that if he hadn’t asked, she wouldn’t have said anything, not complained, just gone.. Whilst he was under and couldn’t do anything.

He still can’t. He’s going into surgery, and she’s going to Russia alone.

The laughter from seconds ago is now abject fear for her.

The small peninsula town.

Anyone could spot her.

Know her.

Take her.

“It’s only for a day, not even. More like hours. In and out,” she tries.

He tries too.

“That’s what she said.”

Except this time, they both don’t laugh.

He moves over in the single bed and motions for her to sit.

Hesitating slightly, she crawls next to him.

Using his good arm he encircles her and kisses the top of her head.

“You’ll be okay?” he whispers.

The nurse comes in and cocks her head at the way they’re curled.

“I need to put the drip in, Mr Barton,” she tells him.

Natasha starts to move away, the nurse stops her, tells her to stay.

“I can move around you, don’t move, hun.”

Clint looks away as his vein is pierced.

“All done,” she says, moving away.

“They’ll be back in fifteen minutes to take you up, okay?”

She turns to Natasha, “you can stay in the waiting room, but it may be a while.”

Natasha looks at her watch.

“No, it’s okay I need to leave soon anyway.”

The nurse nods and leaves the room.

He continues to hold her, bring her head down so that it’s touching his.

“I have to go,” she sighs, not moving a muscle.

“When exactly will you be home?”

“Tuesday 11.20pm, the flight should land.”

She really is counting down the time.

“Stay Alive,” Clint tells her, looking at her directly in the eyes.

Slowly she manoeuvres her body out, kisses him softly and breathes him in.

“Maria will be here when you wake up, and I’ll be fine, I promise.”

He growls, the sound low and guttural.

“Promise me again.”

“I promise.”

One last kiss and she finally stands.

“Stay alive, Natasha,” his voice commanding.

Head butting him again, and one last peck, she waves off his worry and leaves the hospital room as the nurse returns.

She says something to the nurse that he can’t hear but he lays back in his worry and prays the next two days go quickly.

.

Vladivostok is not what she expected, or remembered.

Slightly removed from the mainland, Natasha sighs and pushes down the apprehension.

The last time she was here, she has visited a widow and his daughter, made them give her information. It had been a pleasant trip, ending with some candy.

The hire car is slow, white and generic and the gps guides her to the meet with the man Fury had deemed worthy of her time.

Clint would be out of surgery now, she hopes anyway. She wants to message Maria and make sure they’re all okay, but her cloned phone doesn’t have the level of security and her own phone is in the locker at the airport.

She was now Rosa Tuttle for all intents and purposes, and so she acted as such.

Blonde wig.

Long nails.

Make up to change the structure of her face.

She was not Natasha Romanoff.

And she was not worried about her partner.

The café is a small hole in the wall.

Posters line the walls, maybe to cover some holes, the corners peeling and old. The old woman approaches her, scarf covering her hair as she shuffled around.

Natasha orders the strongest coffee she can think and the woman nods with a gentle smile.

She faces the door, eyes on the two exits and waits.

The man that enters afterwards is dishevelled; her mark clearly.

“Hello,” she smiles.

He hands her an envelope and looks around in vigilance.

Natasha has seen this before, the skittishness of man who is too stupid to follow the basic instructions. They think they’re smarter and can be better at basic espionage than the people they’re informing on.

“You didn’t follow the rules, did you Igor?”

He looks behind him, and the car he’s parked haphazardly out the front.

“It’s fine. We do this quickly. This is the information. Where is my money?”

Natasha shakes her head.

“No, it is not fine. You think you weren’t being watched? That the Komutet Gosudarstvennoi Bezopasnosti, don’t have eyes everywhere, even here in Vladivostok?”

He looks guilty, shocked and scared, and knows she’s right. Especially when a large black car pulls up next to his blue one.

Natasha sighs heavily, looks to the back exit and pushes him towards it.

She apologizes to the woman and tells her to tell them which way they’ve gone. She doesn’t want the elderly woman’s blood on her hands.

Natasha’s car is old, but the fact that everyone here has a similar one, she’s confident of losing the tail they’ll surely have.

“Get in.”

The words are said harshly as he moves slowly, fear locking him up and making him move slow.

He does eventually and she drives away carefully.

The KGB knows though.

She sometimes forgets how much autocracy it is here, and how closely the citizens are watched.

“Igor. How long have they been watching you for?”

“They aren’t. They’re not, they..” he stutters, looking back around at the cars that surround him.

There’s two options Natasha can think of.

Run and hide.

Fight.

Neither are good options.

If they hide, she’s not making her flight.

Not going home to Clint and spending another day in a country she feels least safe in.

Fight.

Well there’s an option that she’s not getting out alive if she does that.

“Igor, you’re not helping yourself.”

The first shot ricochets off the car, and Natasha’s mind is made up.

Fight it is.

Calling quickly off the sat com phone, she puts the distress through, finding Fury on the other end.

Whilst not strange in itself, she knows there are others who could be on the night phone for this.

“Ah, we are coming in hot, the idiot didn’t follow procedures, and we have the KGB on our tail. Any exit plan?”

Fury’s silent and considering as she hears him typing and then..

“There’s a boat, the contact will meet you in 15 minutes if you can get there.”

Natasha looks down and nods.

“Affirmative, we’ll be there.”

Igor looks terrified.

There’s cars around them and although there’s still bullets flying, Natasha’s mind is clear.

“What did he say?” Igor asks.

She ignores him.

The side street she turns down is narrow enough that only one car can follow and she tells Igor to get ready to move.

He doesn’t need to, the car is hit on the side at full speed and it flips into the nearby building. Natasha is held by her seatbelt, but Igor, who never wore his, is thrown out of the car through the windshield.

Natasha assumes he’s dead on impact, not moving, his body brokenly laying on the asphalt.

She has bigger issues.

Held by a seatbelt that didn’t release, upside down and a dripping blood nose, she works at wiggling out.

Clint’s voice echoes in her head.

Her knife finally cuts through the seatbelt and she’s dumped upside down onto the ceiling of the car.

Pain pulses through the her left arm.

Ignoring it, she crawls out, grabbing the files she came for.

She needs to disappear, get out of here and get to the rendezvous point in less than ten minutes.

Natasha wipes her face.

Her wig now askew.

If she takes it off, there’s a greater chance of being recognised for who she is.

If she doesn’t, they’ll find her quick.

If only she had time to go back to the airport.

Natasha rolls her eyes, remembering. Her phone and her jacket.

Fuck.

Wiping the blood from her nose, she hopes Fury can send someone for them.

She hates starting a new phone again. In reality she shouldn’t have taken it but she was worried about Clint being in surgery. It feels stupid now. It was just resetting the bone.

Deciding on removing the wig and tying her hair up, she changes her appearance quickly.

Her arm hurts.

Quickly checking, she finds the quickest way to the port, and moves.

7 minutes.

At 3 minutes she finds the boat.

At two minutes, she’s on the boat.

And as time is up, they’re moving out of the port and she’s in the cabin, with the captain by the name of Ned steering her away.

.

“Broken collarbone? You’re kidding me.”

Clint laughs, arm in a sling.

“She what?”

The doctor points to the break and tells them again.

“When you landed, you must have landed on your shoulder because it looks like it’s a kind of green stick fracture. Unlike his, which needed surgery, it’s likely yours will just heal with immobilization and a sling.”

Clint laughs again, gleefully.

“Matching slings!”

Natasha rolls her eyes.

“How long am I benched for?”

The doctor looks to Clint, and then back to Natasha.

“You’ll probably be going back at the same time.”

“Six weeks?!” Natasha exclaims incredulously.

The doctor nods.

“If you both immobilize it, do the rehab and take care of it.”

Clint smiles.

“Don’t worry, Doc. She has a good right hand and I have a good left one. We’ll be a good team.”

The doctor remains straight faced, then can’t hide her smile as Clint helps Natasha back up.

She sets Natasha up with a sling and teaches her how to strap it.

Watching the two spies leave, the doctor watches as Clint readjusts their positions so he can half hug her.

Even though she hopes to never see them, she knows it’s likely they’ll be back before she knows it.

.

#bwfest2023 #natasha romanoff #clintasha #black widow #clint barton #my fic #natasha romanoff fic #clintasha fanfiction #clintasha fanfic #hawkeye #marvel fic #clintasha fic #ask away

[marythegizka]

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

Thank you for the tag @mxanigel !!! 😊

1. “So, you’re not saying no. That’s a good start.”

2. “It doesn't matter anymore. Garevel is taking over. Vigil's Keep is better off without me.”

3. “I know. And I hate it. I hate that I couldn't do more. That after hours of healing, Anselme may still die before morning. That after everything we did, the darkspawn are still killing. I feel…” she looked down at her hands. “Powerless. I don’t like being powerless.”

4. “I meant it. It’s working. A bit.”

5. “I'm used to being watched. Never had much of a choice.”

6. “I thought you more than anyone would understand the cost of alienating the nobility.” It was a low blow, but it would help drive the point home. “The Wardens are too diminished to afford losing influence over something as petty as refusing to attend a ball. I’ll go.”

7. “And how would he pin it on her? What motive would he invent? ‘Angry that I conscripted Lord what’s-his-face, sixth in line to the throne and convicted murderer’? Please. I took a thorn out of her side.”

8. “You know, he was the first choice I made because I genuinely wanted to. The first oath no one forced me to take. Not the Wardens. Not the Templars. Not a friend in need. Me. You don’t know how freeing that feels.”

9. “Love? Love?! How can you still call me that? You’re giving up on me! They’ll lock me up in the Gallows, I’ll never see home again!”

10. "I know. And Clarel has refused to dispatch a team. I don't know what's up with her but I don't intend to stay idle while half the order goes mad."

11. “Please tell me you didn’t actually walk through one of those Fade-rifts.”

“I didn’t actually walk through one of those Fade-rifts.”

“Is that true?”

“No. Of course not. How else would I be here?"

12. “Half a mile north. If that is not high enough, nothing will be.” She paused, locking eyes with him. Surely this was madness. But madness had worked in the past. With luck, it would work again. “We’re going to the Black City.”

13. “You’ve got more in your hair, you know. Heck, you’ve got more everywhere."

14. "At this point, I wish I were. But no. Whoever was hiding there with you, they can come out." She steps in front of the crevice and gestures at the bloodied bandage around her arm. The blood smells wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. "Provided they don't bite as hard as darkspawn." 

15. "Look, I promise I'm not judging. Maker knows I'd never go back to the Circle, myself. My point is, I've seen her fight, and you could sooner deny that you're breathing than deny she is a mage."

"Ha!"

The sound escapes his mouth before he can stop it.

Tagging (only if you want to, of course!): @illusivesoul,@dairine-bonnet, @moravel, @deedeemactir, @ambiguousrubbish

#erin amell #oc: erin amell #dragon age #dragon age x bg3 crossover

[froggie-bolt]

Day 4: Trauma and Healing

Tell me Taichi wasn’t having a difficult time after Kizuna. TRY.

I bet you can’t.

I was preparing a comic! But I couldn’t get it done soon enough and I’m already late. SO! Either tomorrow or at the end of the week, I’ll post the finished comic!! But please take this thing from my drafts!!

Taichi’s grip on his shoulders grew tighter as Koushiro felt his back press into the offices couch.

After the week they just had, Taichi’s weight was just so comforting. Grounding him.

But the conversation that was to come was far from such.

And the way Taichi was going about starting it…

Because when the brunette leaned in and pressed his lips to Koushiro’s, he knew what this was about.

It didn’t take a genius to figure it out. Well, maybe it did. Koushiro did fit that description.

But this?

This took someone who knew Taichi.

Luckily he knew him like the back of his hand.

“Taichi—“

Taichi kissed him again, Koushiro engaging this time.

His hands went to hold the others hips, pulling him closer, hoping to maybe bring Taichi the same comfort he was bringing him.

It seemed to work. Sort of.

His shoulders were released at least.

Honestly, they really shouldn’t be making out in his office after hours.

However, when Taichi insisted on grabbing them some food and hanging out, Koushiro couldn’t bring himself to say no.

But he couldn’t afford to become distracted. They needed to have this conversation. He needed Taichi to be direct about his feelings; to tell him what was on his mind.

“Taichi-san you need to…T-Taichi, hold on, we need to—“

He expected Taichi to interrupt him again.

But he didn’t.

Instead, he rested his head on the crook of Koushiro's neck, and fisted the boys shirt.

“Do you know” his voice shook “How fucking worried I was?”

“I..can only imagine..”

“What if we didn’t beat that thing, Kou.”

Koushiro bowed his head.

“That wouldn’t have happened—“

“It almost did!”

“But it didn’t.”

Taichi let out a sharp sob.

He wasn’t going to cry. Of course not. He wasn’t going to, he told himself.

But now here he was, sobbing into his boyfriends shoulder about something that didn’t even happen.

Koushiro rubbed his hand up and down his lovers back. He couldn’t know how Taichi was feeling.

He could only guess. His guesses are usually spot on though, and this time was no different.

“Koushiro, if things didn’t work out..! I-I would have lost my sister, everyone’s digimon... I would have lost you—! A-And Yamato, I would never be able to look him in the eye again I— it was too much. J-Just too much, Koushiro and now that it’s over I—! I don’t know if I’m supposed to be relieved, or angry, or sad! I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel and it’s fucking me up.”

It was fucking both of them up.

Koushiro knew how to hide his emotions well. Always had.

But when Menoah turned out to be the perpetrator, he felt so stupid. So betrayed.

So used.

He hated feeling used.

Not only that, but the knowledge that someday, he might have to say goodbye to Tentomon…

But because of Taichi, he knew how to deal with his feelings.

Taichi was good at giving advice on such things.

But sometimes, he couldn’t follow his own.

“Taichi, you know the answer to that.”

“No! I-I—!”

Koushiro cupped the others cheeks and pulled him up until they were eye to eye.

He kissed Taichi sweetly before wiping the others face.

“Taichi-san,” he spoke gently. “You, more than anyone knows.”

“What..what do I know, koushiro…” his voice trembled, another sob waiting at the back of his throat.

“You don't have to feel a certain way. You don’t have to know how you feel.”

The red head pulled the other into a gentle embrace.

“You just…feel.”

#taikouvember 2023 #taikouvember #digimon #digimon adventure #taishiro #taichi x koushiro #taichi yagami #koushiro izumi #taikou #koutai